#I mean my room looks cool as fuck but
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Who the fuck impulsively buys an entire table at 7 in the morning? And two swivel chairs? And a dog poster? Man...
#I'm regretting my spending habits.#I mean my room looks cool as fuck but#dol rp#oc rp#character blog#roleplay blog
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever
#jrwi fanart#cw blood#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay#i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL#so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that#ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT#arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES#I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no#ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE#BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that#we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW#he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar#I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS#also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that#human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY#i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK#feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh
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(alan wake-gravity falls crossover) man i love that character. you know, the deeply paranoid author who made a pact with a dark entity that ultimately ended with him stranded in another dimension separated from his loved ones for years at a time? takes place in the pacific northwest? has twin imagery associated with him and a reoccurring specific piece of symbology related to the unfortunate situation they're in? doesn't ever explain the reasoning behind his actions and instead just kinda goes "bro trust me"? yeah he also wears an outer layer of clothing with elbow pads on it, that one.
#my art#stanford pines#alan wake (the man)#ford pines#gravity falls#alan wake#remedyverse#SAtT au#i am. normal about the crossovers i make up.#what do you mean the esoteric weird horror game about stories and the disney cartoon about family dont have a shared audience. sounds fake.#anyways the comic on the right is in honor of a joke i had to scrap in my fic wip due to a perspective switch.#rip that joke i thought you were pretty funny. i like the idea of alan critiquing his own manuscript pages upon the events happening.#oh i should probably do a warning since theres that crunchy image of the aw2 alan death screen huh. uh#blood#aw2 alan death screen my beloved. literally made me go ''oh god'' out loud in shock and horror when i first saw it#anyways did you know theres an au to this objectively already an au crossover. i call it ''bill cipher gets sent to the shadow realm''#bill doesn't show up a lot in this au he gets one scene where he taunts ford abt alan being a danger#with the implication that the dark place/presence genuinely freaks him out. but in this self indulgence of a self indulgence#alan essentially manages to trick bill into swapping places with him and bill ends up trapped in the writers room/the dark place.#lmao get yötön yö'd idiot. YOU are aleksi kesä now.#also i like the idea of zane and bill meeting as well as door and bill meeting. i think they might scare bill a little bit.#just like how zane scares me <3 what a cool character what the fuck is his deal#also you may be wondering why alans in his aw2 look and not aw or awan look despite the fact that lines up closer#to when gravity falls happens-ish. well the answer to that is 1: the crossover uses a lot of the elements from aw2#and 2: i like alans long hair and suit and beard. i like the pathetic sopping look when his hair is in his face
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I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???
#part of the issue w art is also for some reason. FOR REAL. the default shit I want to draw is just ME. IN MY VARIOUS CUTE LIL OUTFITS#I’ve become a narcissist… a fashion obsessed narcissist.. i just want everyone to see and admire my cool fits…#I struggle. so much more drawing shit that is not me nowadays. and I have so much less free time#but then I don’t FINISH the pics of me cuz I’m like ‘this is too self indulgent!!! stop!! draw fanart!!#like a normal person!!! ghgh-‘#ur rlly gonna come back from an art hiatus w just a bunch of silly pics of u being cute… get a fucking grip..#uhhh.. but anyway lol#I am still drawing. I’m currently working on some expiremental lineless digital art#cuz I felt shaking stuff up might help#we shall see if I finish it tho!#it me#pepper words#anyway look at my fits#my one. 2 curses r in bad at taking pictures#and I live in a dingy basement so the lighting fucking SUCKS#u cannot see all the detail…. u cannot make out All of my lil accessories#it’s sad…#all these outfits r very black and white i do in fact wear colors… mostly red. n green#but I am rlly In my aristocratic vampire / witch era right now… and I’m loving it…#middle 2 pics r the same outfit. just w and without cloak lol#also pls do me a kindness and ignore my messy ass room#lady outfit is actually my most recent and my room HAS gotten less messy! I cleaned it up!#but it’s still kinda. got some clutter lol#*last outfit. not lady outfit ghghg- these r gender neutral femme leaning outfits I’ll have u kno typo!!#also pls ignore the shit on my mirror!! the lil white speckles and stuff! I rlly gotta fucking clean that.. if I wanna keep taking cute#pictures of my outfits lol… I mean. it’s not MY mirror so I don’t think to clean it.. but it is in my living space…#mayhaps… I should clean it lol
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currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....
#And then you just eventually shrug and go 'welp. nothing i can do i guess' and sad cartoon music plays as you shuffle back to your room#It's just hard with my specific physical and mental issues since it's like.. I couldn't really handle most jobs. I can't handle school. I'm#100% aromantic and asexual so I'll never get married so I can't get money that way. I have too much issues with social cues#+ too nervous temperament + too low energy to put effort into lying and having a fake relationship just for money. so on and so forth etc.#Really I should have just been born into a middle class family. Which I guess everyone says. but ESPECIALLY considering my#chronic conditions kind of hampering my ability to function 'normally' or be Independent in a regular way. I'm always going to be#in some way sort of beholden to the whims of people around me who I must depend on. so... well of course they might as well have been rich#lol like that would have been better for me of course.#AAANyway... Just thinking about another stupid fucking climate change summer... months keep going by so fast.. soon it will be so again#And it's like such SMALL things would make drastic improvements for me. Literally if I just had a place with central AC#then like 75% of my issues with summer would vanish instantly. literally. But instead it's like.. having a cheap hot apartment + only#half functional dinky window ac + my illnesses that make me heat sensitive + living in a part of the country that keeps getting hotter +#inability to leave the house much meaning I can't just go spend time in a cooler place etc. all factors which combine together to make#it just utterly miserable for MONTHS and mentally draining. And literally ALL I would need to fix that is just...#have a place with central AC that works.. (or move to a colder country/area but that also takes money. Or just not have illnesses#that make me heat sensitive. but that I can't control). etc. etc. I guess it's just the nature of the constant background frustration of#being part of The Masses under our current manifestation of unmitigated capitalism. Such minor details would make such huge#quality of life improvements and yet will remain ever out of reach. ONE little thing could change your whole life but you can't even have#that. so many 'If only' scenarios. etc. And of course obviously I am incredibly thankful just to have anywhere to live at all. food to eat#. any sort of stability whatsoever no matter how fragile it feels/is. But that still doesn't make it not frustrating occasionally to look#around and see how relatively little would have to change in order for you to be a decent percentage more comfortable and yet#how still far away even those ''small'' seeming goals are. etc. etc.#Seriously think I've been traumatized by the summer or something somehow lol like thinking about it being warm weather eventually#makes me nauseous with panic. It's just SOOO much labor. micromanaging windows and fans and blocking every ounce of light#and not being able to cook (cant even afford a single degree of temp increase due to the stove) for months and barely being able#to sleep for months and the claustrophobia of days on end crawling out of your skin because it doesnt even get cool enough at#night to offer relief so you're just always feeling trapped.. hgrhh...#It starts getting hot here sometimes in May but mostly June then lasts through October now.. thats like half the year almost.. ARghhH#anyway... If any extremely rich person reading this would like to buy me an air conditioned house in exchange for multiple years worth#of art (I will paint murals on all of your grand dining halls and make all the custom sculptures you could ever want etc) then.. hewwo :'3c
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i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.
its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.
have passion in spite of those who hate.
#its absolutely mind boggling to me#and genuinely makes me so fucjinf upset#i was sitting next to my sister who has been nicer to me than usual as she is talking to her online friend and im doing my nails silently b#its her polish and i didnt wanna take it out of her room. but i look up and shes ranking music genres which is all cool. but without#hesitation as the first one at the most bottom tier she put kpop. like i understand its not her cup of tea but i was like okay thats#something that actively makes me wanna keep living yaknow. and she knows that. so i was like#‘interesting placement for kpop’ and she didnt say anything so i said ‘im not sure youve listened to it enough to have such a violent#opinion on it’ and she immediately got angry saying shes ‘heard enough’ and then got mad at me for saying that saying why was i being ‘like#this what the fuck’ and my heart genuinely sunk into my ass but i couldnt leave even though i felt like crying bc i only did one hand and i#was drying at that moment plus i didn’t wanna make it a big deal. but this is not the first time she’s actively hated on my music without#prompt from me and it just makes me ????? like. music taste differs with everyone i understand this and i respect it. if something brings u#happiness then i would love to hear and listen even if i wouldn’t choose it myself. but being a bitch about it. idk#ultimately its the fact of being mean for no reason over someone else’s passion makes u a fucking asshole#:)))) im not crying bye#ashley rambles#to delete later#my mom and brother do it too btw. hating on it and making sure i hear it.#my mom was doing it the other day and my 7 year old nephew kept saying ‘pook i love it. i think its cool’ and it made me cry because kids#have the capacity for such unaltered kindness as the world has yet been cruel to them#idk man
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fucking sort yourself out sunday i packed up all my shop orders, made chex mix, bleached & scrubbed the kitchen counter and the kitchen sink, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, windexed the outside of the dishwasher, cleaned the handles on the fridge, initiated the return on the two pairs of shoes i've been kicking around (literally) for six months, started a bag of stuff to bring to work incl the silk screen i took a while back which is actually kind of shitty even though i liked the size (i don't have space to screen print even if it's a small screen anyway. and i might as well try to take a nicer one), opened FOUR packages that had just been sitting around (stamps, business cards, headphones (also tested the headphones (refurbished)), shirt i got off ebay), put away a bag of stuff i still hadn't from when i ran away from home a few weeks ago, opened and sorted all my stamps from my big stamp order, brought envelopes and tape out to my secondary storage tower in the living room, put my library books from DECEMBER in my backpack, brought those dress shoes down to the basement, while i was there took a lamp out of the basement that i'd found on the street and is actually kind of ugly and put it back on the street, emptied the trash in my room, culled a bunch of my pins to bring to work also, made myself throw out all the burnt-down candle husks that i was "saving" to "make into a new big candle" (some of these things i have had for over four years. it's not happening) (it was at least a dozen candles), cleared a little bit of stuff off my desk. and i think that's probably about it for now but in a little bit i'm going to get dressed in outside clothes and swing by the library to drop off my books and then go drop off the fucking shoes to be returned. and THEN i might go get some pizza slices
#it's so nice to have all THREE pairs of fucking shoes off the floor. i don't have room for that shit idk why i always do this#and all those candles are finally off my windowsill#it would've been nice to put away my laundry but i kept looking at it and being like :/#but a lot of that is i don't have room in my dresser. which means i need to get rid of clothes and that's a whole different project#both of my roommates have been running their acs all day and one of them has the living room ac on AND her bedroom#even though she's not in there. high of 80 today that's fan weather. insane waste of money. I'M the one that gets the bills. i see it#whatever. anyway.#also when i was moving the candles i had to move my plants on the windowsill & i think one of them has a BONE in it#it has some compost in it i got for free from my service & it looks like a vertebrae. cool#chatpost#one of my roommates is having friends over later so i was like 'well prime time to run errands and go read a book outside' lol
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i think my favorite part of my p4 playthrough is that i somehow never got pixie and had to go back to get her when trying to fuse black frost for the shadow mitsuo fight. i still don't know how that happened i was in the castle for so fucking long sfldkjskfjfdksfdkjfd-
#rambearling#persona 4#p4#i love my black frost by the way he's so fucking strong. he and izanagi are my mvps <3#mind charge + maragidyne/bufula (i wasn't able to get bufudyne on him for some reason) is so overpowered#i don't have ziodyne on izanagi though annoyingly enough-#probably should've figured out what persona gets ziodyne's skill card at chagall's :/ that's how i got zionga on him#eh there's always new game plus. won't be able to fuse izanagi-no-okami immediately anyway#even if i could i don't think i would cuz a level 91 persona would be waaaaay too overpowered-#can't you get magatsu-izanagi too. so many izanagis..............#irrelevant to the tags but i can't think of pixie without thinking of that one video where yu doesn't know his personas names#and calls high pixie lesbian-#dog by the foot is my favorite persona. and about eight snakes. the one i got from shuffle time. kill rush-kun#that's kinda how i refer to my personas in my head when playing a lot of the time sflkfdjsjfdksfdkjfds-#i honestly barely use the velvet room................ this is my first time actually playing persona okay-#in p5 my moms always spend like an hour in the velvet room looking at guides to figure out what personas to get-#and then there's me playing p4 and just looking at the list and fusing whatever personas look cool and don't need izanagi or black frost-#i mean i. kind of try to get good coverage? kind of#i don't think i have any wind skills on my team aside from izanagi having magaru-
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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Gonna slap the people who named bugs
#found a bug in my room- thought it was a sandbaby- turns out I don’t remember what a sandbaby looks like#so I do a bit of research and the first thing that I see that looks right is wind scorpion#now I need everyone here to understand that I love bugs deeply they are neat they are cool they are friends#but I have a deep fear of scorpions#zbznnsnsbsns they are extremely cool just not when they’re by me#so my first thought is shit I have to abandon my room and everything in it now it all belongs to the scorpion#but it’s late and I’m already in bed and I’m doing more research cause d u h#and turns out it’s not really a scorpion at all???? I mean like. same family tree#but it’s not your traditional scorpion- it doesn’t have a stinger and it’s non venomous#worst thing about it is it’s a little speedy a bit aggressive and can/will bite#but the REAL worst thing is it likes to cozy up in blankets and clothes#and it’s in my bedroom where I so happen to keep my blankets and clothes dhdhdhhdjdd#anywho I’ll try to catch it and put it outside tomorrow after work if I can find it again#whole point of this is for just a second I was like oh fuck a scorpion and was not okay about that djdjdjdjd#tw bugs#it’s also called a sun spider#cause why have one name when you can have two???#dhdhdjjsjsjs anyways uh everything is fine and I’m going to bed#I will see to cleaning my room and maybe capturing our little friend tomorrow
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One of the parents on the unit described me as "that nurse with the eyeshadow and monster earrings" and I've never been more flattered to have someone totally forget my name I love this for me
#thank FUCK i have a night off#and by night off i mean im sleeping for like 3 hours and going to my parents for mothers day#but its fine bc last night was a chill shift#plus i did the taylor swift orange jumpsuit sparkle boot inspired eyeshadow look and yall#it was incredible im adding it to the repetoir#i wish i had better pics of it but it was sunset with some purple goin on so like late dusk sunset eyes it was so fuckin cool#and on top of all that the parents of one of the babies we admitted told their nurse that#“that girl with the monster earrings and eyeshadow” was in every single one of their delivery room photos#i have a legacy this is my small slice of fame#i was holding their kid up in front of the screen showing his weight like he was a fish i caught#still its fucking nutty that im just....in someones cherished family photos forever like i had to restrain the urge to ask if i looked good#like what am i gonna do#tell them to delete it if i look ugly in the or lighting and hairnet?#im exhausted but my job is really the best ever
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it's just one of those nights <- girl who's being tormented
#by one of those nights i mean one of those nights where i'm exhausted byt my body considers it's gotten too much sleep#so i'm in a constant loop of nightmare-sleep paralysis-passing out 10 minutes later from exhaustion-rinse and repeat#the last one was kinda funny i just woke up in front of my wall and looked at the things on it and saw a cool picture of mcr and then i#was like. wait. i dont have a picture of mcr on my wall. fuck this is a dream again innit#and then i couldnt move. so i closed my eyes and tried to shake myself out of paralysis so i closed my eyes and try to imagine my room#looking normal and perfectly lit up#and when i opened my eyes i was awake#idek if i was actually paralysed. it felt like it but i've never shaken myself out of it before so idk
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y'know. becoming a fan of IRL animatronic pizza places that were popular during the 80s-90s while also having Fnaf as a Special Interest.
well, depending on how you look at it. it's got it's pros and cons
#fnaf#dandy goes 'baa!'#the cons in question:#1) you will never look at the canon designs the same again. like. people have mentioned this in their redesign videos before;#the lack of real theming in the animatronics would NOT have worked IRL. that place would've failed. not a lot of business#(also make those bad boys fluffier. yes even the Toy animatronics. Give Them Floof. Give Them Clothes)#2) What The Actual Fuck Is The Layout And Decor Of This Building. it feels too empty...why do most of them not really have arcades.#(and i mean Big arcades. like as a main room in the building. like Fnaf 2 has an arcade. but we don't get to see most of it)#3) Oh I Could Add So Much Fucking Worldbuilding. Unfortunately There's The Horrors™ (School) Preventing Me From-#Rewriting Fnaf But Making Things More Accurate To Real Life (my apologies to Sister Location fans. there ain't no way i can-#-realistically put that game As Is into a realistic rewrite)#the pros however are that you can make Cool As Hell designs for the animatronics and the building.#do whatever you want forever and all that
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♡.ྀི₊thinking about mean!overworked and underfucked nanami:3
it’s utterly cruel as he forces your fucked out face against the penthouse window. any other time, you'd be gushing over the breathtaking view of the city lights, but the way kento's fat tip gnaws at your cervix has your eyes rolling back in your skull.
a sinewy hand grips your throat, tightening to the point where you feel lightheaded. the other hand is firmly placed on your hip, anchoring your ass against his pelvis. you've been in this position for what feels like an eternity, pressed against the glass like an animal as he fucked you like a mutt in heat. the chill of the glass contrasts with the warmth radiating from him, each thrust causing the surface to shudder beneath you.
“such a slut, letting me use you like this—ha! bet it turns you on fucking your boss like this—god,” he snarls, voice thick with lust. the wet squelch of your slick pussy is audible in the room, only adding to your embarrassment. the shame has your eyes brimming with tears, the sting of them mixing with the ache between your legs.
he chuckles darkly. "that's right, sweetheart. i know how much of a fucking whore you are." he's relentless, driving his cock deep into your cunt as he uses your throat to keep you upright. “m’not a whore!” you try to argue, but it's incoherent due to the cock shoved in your cunt. he doesn't respond, but the grip on your hip tightens. his pace is brutal, each snap of his hips causing your ass to jiggle. your pussy flutters around his girth, sucking him in as he plows into you. the pressure building in your abdomen too much.
“don’t make me laugh.” he hisses, bending his knees slightly so that he can hit a new angle, the new position knocking a series of whines from your throat. you’re pretty sure he’s in your womb, molding your gummy walls around his length.
"always prancing around in those slutty skirts and shirts—i see the way you stare at me when you think i'm not looking. so needy. you wanted this from the beginning, didn't you?” he pauses, letting out a guttural moan.
“i knew all along. how could i not? you were practically throwing yourself at me. batting your fucking eyelashes, and now i've got you exactly where i want you. i bet it was all just a ploy to get my dick. i'm right, aren't i?"
even as he’s degrading you, you can't help but moan. kento’s hand moves to your ass, giving your cheek a sharp smack. the stinging sensation forces a cry from you, and you clench around his member, causing him to let out a string of curses.
“my point proven—ha! s’fuckin sad.”
the hand gripping your throat moves to the back of your head, pushing your face further against the cool glass.
"i'm not gonna last long," he groans, his hips beginning to falter. he's going harder, faster, and the way he splits you makes you scream. tears begin to stream down your cheeks as you come undone, the sensation of being full, so fucking full, causing you to go limp in his grasp. he doesn't stop, and the way he fucks you through your orgasm makes your vision go spotty.
he draws your hair into his hands, creating a makeshift ponytail for his fingers to weave into. then, he yanks hard, the sudden action forcing you to arch your back. “why do sluts always have the best pussy? no fair.” he sneers, he's fucking into you with such fervor that you're afraid the window might splinter.
“s-slow down, nanami-san, you're gonna b-break me," you stammer, voice barely above a whisper.
he doesn't.
the only thing you can do is take it. the way his head slams against your hilt has your body shaking, the pressure building up in your core once more. you can't hold on much longer, not with him fucking you like this.
“slow down? you wanted this! running your fuckin’ leg up my thigh at a work dinner, touching me under the table like a desperate bitch—you want this, don't you? i bet you would've let me fuck you there. i could've bent you over that table and pounded your little cunt till you were screaming my name. and now, look at you—fucking pathetic. such a pretty face, such a nice little pussy” he moans loudly, "wrecked. all ruined. and all because of me."
he pulls your hair once more, forcing a strangled sob from your throat. the sound makes him chuckle. kento uses you as a ragdoll, pulling your hair, grabbing your waist, manhandling you like some cheap sex toy. it's fucking disgusting. he spanks you when you go limp, pulling your hair whenever you go quiet. and all you can do is take it. the pain is so delicious that you're not even thinking straight. you just want to be good for him.
he's mean. but you've never been this wet in your entire life. your body is writhing, begging for another release, and when kento’s fingers find your swollen clit, you nearly fall apart. his fingers rub tight circles against the bundle of nerves, sending a surge of pleasure up your calves. his hips stutter, and he's moaning louder.
your knees buckle, another slap. “stay up i won’t tell you again.”
he's so fucking close. the tip of his cock is battering the entrance to your womb, and the way his balls are slapping against your cunt is making you sob. he nearly blows his load in you when he presses a hand below your belly button, feeling his cock through your stomach. he curses, grabbing your hand and pressing it to the small bump.
"can you feel me, sweetheart? can you feel how deep i am? can you feel the bulge?" you can't respond, too fucked out to process the words. he lets go of your hair, instead using both hands to pin your arms above your head. his face is buried in the crook of your neck, and you can feel his hot breath against your skin. “can’t even speak, sad.” he grunts, pressing sloppy wet kisses behind your ear.
you're his, all his. “mine, mine, mine.”
the way his teeth graze the skin of your neck has your eyes fluttering shut, a fresh set of tears rolling down your cheeks. you're a fucking mess, and kento nanami loves it. he can't help himself, not when your cunt is sucking him in like this. he's so close, so fucking close.
the pressure building in his abdomen becomes unbearable, and he lets out a strangled groan as his hips snap forward, his seed spilling into you. he doesn't slow down, not even as his cum overflows from your pussy, dribbling down your thighs.
"oh my god—oh my fucking god," he pants, his thrusts erratic. he's so deep inside of you, and the feeling of him painting your insides white has you on the verge of blacking out. he's filling you, stretching you, breeding you. it's too much.
his grip on your wrists going lax, you're completely boneless. the only thing keeping you from crumpling onto the floor is kento’s firm grip on your wrists. he lets go, and you fall to the ground. the only sounds that fill the air are the soft whimpers that escape your lips, and his heavy breathing.
he runs a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself. he looks down at you, and the sight has his dick twitching.
you're a mess, his cum seeping from your cunt, mixing with your own arousal and dribbling down your thigh. the tear streaks running down your cheeks only make the scene more obscene. you're absolutely wrecked, and he's the one who did it. the thought has him grinning, and he crouches down to your level.
"you took me so well, baby girl," he purrs, tipping your chin upwards. his tone is surprisingly gentle, and you can't help but flush. his voice is a bit hoarse, a result of the noises he'd been making earlier. he brushes his thumb over your bottom lip, admiring how fucked out you look. he can't wait to get his hands on you again.
#kento smut#kento nanami smut#kento nanami x you#nanami x you#nanami x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#nanami x y/n#nanami kento x you#nanami smut#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento
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me… sad boy
#I was going to whine a lot but why lot word when few word do trick?#I have been… soooooo anxious and depressed and I feel like I’m going to die soon & the world is ending the world is empty & I’m alone in it#I feel so sick#I need to get out and do something. I always need to get out and I never do and I’m dumb#so maybe I’ll just get messed up and stay in my room#I can’t sleep. I wake up tired and hurting. I can’t do anything.#woe is fucking me amirite?#also I just finished Black Sails and I cried a lot. why did I think getting emotionally attached to a show and finishing it was smart?#that’s not important. I mean it is but not really. what’s important is I constantly feel like the end is always looming over me#I miss my therapist but I’m scared to ever see him again.#same reason I’m scared to be around anyone outside of my immediate family: I’m a failure & I can’t bear to see that reflected in their eyes#so he joins a long list of people I can’t talk to anyone along with my dad and countless old friends#hey wait why did I segue to this?#boo hoo#analytically. logically. I can look past this and see how irrational these thoughts are#but goddamn if there’s not something chemical that just makes me feel sick and scared and I’m having a doozy of a time living with it#because Ian you need to work on long term goals. not just quick fixes like I dunno fucking eating pizza or playing video games#sorry. just wanted to vent. it’s been building up in me for days and I needed a quick whine#I shaved. I’m gonna get a haircut maybe tomorrow. if only to stave off my unhealthy feelings of ‘just shave your head at 3am’#my mom is finally reaching the point where she doesn’t need me to chauffeur her around all the time#and my brothers are finishing their semesters at school and also both have licenses now#so I think I can stop using those as excuses and try to… I dunno. live for myself now. that sounds cheesy.#gonna go get a low paying job doing something mindless so I can have extra cash for being alive#god I need a hug so bad#that’s not even… like… not even a lighthearted joke. I think if someone sincerely held me for a few minutes it would fix me. a little bit.#this is too much information#sorry I love you goodbye forever#but hey… really… I love ya… I mean maybe. not really. kind of. I appreciate ya and I’m here for ya… in spirit. like a ghost. a cool ghost.#you can ignore this#text
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