#I mean like. Saying in your brain I Am Gay

[gxlden-angels]

how do i stop my internalized homophobia?

Ngl anon, it's less stopping it and more talking over it. If you were raised in a strict, homophobic environment, that little voice is still going to be there cause it was a part of your development. So you shout over it instead with new data

"Being gay is a sin" okay I hear you but my friends are gay and I can't really see them as sinful people

"You're broken/wrong/living in sin" okay speak your truth bestie but I'm happier living my life authentically so I'm okay being wrong for now

"You're going to Hell" cool cool but what about now? Am I happy right now? Am I living this life in a way that benefits me now? I'm focusing on this life, not a potential afterlife

I'm very STEM-oriented so my therapist and I refer to it as "Plotting new data points" You kinda just have to listen to the internalized homophobia, say okay okay I hear you but have you considered this new data point that suggest a positive correlation between being openly LGBTQ and my own happiness? Yea I know this was regarded as a sin before but statistically speaking the chances of it actually being sin are insignificant. Yea it doesn't even have a 95% confidence interval. Loving who I am seems to have a positive outcome though but I'll need more positive queer experiences to be certain

[epicdogymoment]

once again rubbed the wrong way by friends who unintentionally reveal that they dont really engage with my masculinity in any real way and see me as nonbinary (female-lite)

[cathalbravecog]

hmm, does anyone have anything that lists all the main storyline/taskline quests + their dialogue? i would love to re-read though them again for lore reasons. i know theres that one work in progress timeline document, but im looking for in-game main tasklines any player can see while they play. i can figure out the side stuff like the arg things and comics myself...

(long rambley explanation below that im putting under the cut because i know otherwise nobody will interact with this post)

(this is mostly for ocs, even if they don't follow the main storyline lore exactly - i would still like to know any and all details about the world the toons talk about so i can make things accurate and be able to talk about certain details... and get ideas from reading certain things. even though the lore in cogs only we have is... uh. lets just say this thing could never ever be canon but yknow HAHA)

and like... i do have a million damn screenshots, some of them taken purely to save certain dialogue that i look at RARELY (bc i forget i took these screenshots). and i dont wanna go through videos of people playing the game, i don't like doing that... but the wiki doesn't seem to list the dialogue anywhere, or i may just be looking in the wrong place?

because with so many main line quests you will forget a few things, and of course skip over dialogue when you're trying to do things quickly... with some things being related to the story and some being not...

so i would just really love to look over the main stuff again. ofc, side quests are apprecited too, but im looking for the main thing. gets a bit hard to figure out world stuff when you unfortunately never played tto becuse you didnt know it existed, and ttr's lore is very different from ttcc and honestly i dont even know what they got going on there anymore, i never paid attention to it even when i played ttr because honestly i cant give a fuck about disney characters outside their actual source material-

[giantkillerjack]

The Supernatural fandom is infinitely better to be a part of now that no one in the fandom actually thinks Supernatural is good XD

whenever i see another tiktok girlie talking about how she wishes to have been a fangirl in 2010s i feel like a seasoned veteran overhearing a foolish youngin boasting about wanting to go to war for glory and adventure. you naive little idiot. you know nothing. you understand nothing. you weren't there in the trenches. i have seen things, terrible things. i cannot plug in my phone charger at night without being plagued by the visions of Him

[bunveh]

srry I am not strong enough the next time I see h*ik*veh im gonna start bawling my eyes out of sheer frustration

[prokopetz]

Something that pops up in my notes from time to time is folks thinking I'm being excessively kind in my criticisms of Dungeons & Dragons, and I'm going to spin this off into a separate thread to address that without putting anyone on the spot.

First, if your own critique of Dungeons & Dragons is rooted in the idea that it's the Worst Game Ever, that speaks more to the limits of your experience than it does to anything else. Dungeons & Dragons in any of its iterations is far from the worst the tabletop roleplaying hobby has to offer – like, you have no fucking idea!

Second, I tend to be even-handed in my discussion of D&D's rules because, fundamentally, the rules are not the problem – or, at least, not the principal cause of the problem.

In many ways, the indie RPG sphere has never escaped the spectre of Ron Edwards, sternly pronouncing that the mechanical process of playing traditional RPGs causes actual, physical brain damage, and that this brain damage is responsible for the bad behaviour we often observe at the table. We don't say it that way anymore, but on some level a lot of us indie RPG designers still kind of believe it.

This is understandable. As game designers, we're naturally inclined to think of problems at the table as game design problems. When we see a problematic culture of play, our impulse is to frame it as something which emerges from the text of the game, and which can therefore be mitigated by repairing the text of the game.

Confronted with the obvious toxicity of certain facets of D&D's culture of play, we go combing through its text, looking for something – some formalism, some structure, some piece of rules technology – which we can point to and say: "this is it; this is where the brain-worms live."

The trouble is, this is not in fact where the brain-worms live. Certainly, the text of a game, particularly a very popular one, can have some influence on the game's surrounding culture of play, but that text is in turn a reflection of the culture of play in which it was written. The Player's Handbook isn't an SCP object, spewing infectious infohazards everywhere when you crack open the cover – hell, I'd go so far as to say that many of the problems of D&D's culture of play operate in spite of the game's text, not because of it!

Basically, what I'm saying is that I don't see any contradiction between being the sort of pretentious knob who writes one-page indie RPGs about gay catgirls talking about their feelings (which I am), and speaking favourably about this or that piece of rules tech from whatever flavour of Dungeons & Dragons is in favour this week (which I do), because I recognise that you can't game-design your way out of a problem you didn't game-design your way into.

The fact that one of the biggest problems facing the tabletop roleplaying hobby is something that can't be repaired by fucking around with dice-rolling procedures is a bitter pill to swallow for a lot of indie game designers, and I won't say I wasn't resistant to it myself, but it's something that's both useful and necessary to accept.

(None of this means that the text of Dungeons & Dragons in any of its incarnations is beyond criticism on other grounds, of course, and I've never been shy about highlighting those criticisms where they're warranted. The only way you're gonna arrive at the conclusion that I'm some sort of D&D apologist is if you're starting from the presumption that The Real Problem Is The Rules.)

[archangeldyke-all]

i feel like sev would be like this w reader bc she nvr wants to objectify or make them feel uncom but can’t help but speak before she thinks 😭 especially with mom!reader

HAHHADHEWPH this is hilarious

men and minors dni

the thing is, sevika's never been like this before. she's usually all cool and suave and sexy when she's trying to put the moves on someone, but you make her all honest and stupid and outrageously horny. and she finds herself saying some truly obscene things to you.

you send her a picture of an outfit you picked out for a work meeting? she's texting you back before her mind can even comprehend what her horny lizard brain is typing. puddle in my boxers now, thanks.

it only takes a moment for her to become shocked by her words-- flustering even herself with her strong reaction. and then she's texting you again. was that too much? it's only seven in the morning...

and then she thinks about it for a second... her chin in her hand while she waits for you to read her texts. you're her girlfriend, she's allowed to act desperately horny about you... right? so, she sends a third text. i mean, i am sorry if it was tmi, but it's true. you're so fucking hot. i'm gonna have to jerk off to that picture before work.

and then, she fucking panics, and sends a fourth text. unless that's weird and you don't want me to.

"oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with me!?" sevika groans as she throws her phone across the room.

over time, as you guys get closer, sevika's anxiety about her horny ramblings lessen. they don't disappear completely, though.

sevika finds herself cornering you at a fuckin' kids' birthday party, whispering in her ear about how she's gonna knock you up and give you a little kiddo of your own.

but a balloon will pop behind her, you'll both jump, and the moment will be gone. "fuck, sorry, was that gross?" she mumbles as you guys grab cupcakes.

"sevika." you giggle. "i'm very into hearing how into me you are. you know this."

"yeah, but i feel like this isn't... an appropriate environment..." she cringes as she looks around at the gaggle of kids screaming and laughing. you cackle and kiss her cheek.

"maybe save it for home, yeah." you agree.

once you're married, sevika refuses to apologize-- no matter how insanely horny she's acting. you're her wife now. she's allowed to be feral about you.

you post a selfie on one of your social medias? she's commenting underneath: 'god i can't wait to sit on that pretty face tonight <3'

you show your followers the dinner you're cooking up, and sevika reposts it with 'wifey's getting pregnant tonight!'

and if you ever scold her for it-- reminding her your co-workers and families can see what she's posting, she just shrugs with a smile.

"well, i'm not lying."

you laugh. "you're traumatizing people."

"please. they're just jealous." she scoffs.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@lavenderbabu @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

@strawberrykidneystone @sevikasfan @fict1onallyobsessed @dvrkhcld @sweetybuzz25

@sluttysierraaa @snake-in-a-flower-crown @ruiwonderz @littlemisszaunite @biblicalcrybaby

@blackgaladriel @nightlyconfusion

[drchucktingle]

I watched the 2004 Klaus Nomi documentary and his story reminded me of how you talk about creativity and being genuine. The interviewees talked about how the first time he performed with the persona Klaus Nomi at a vaudeville-style variety show in NYC in the 70s, everyone was stunned. Several of the people describing this event mentioned how the show was meant to be ironic, everyone was doing nudge-wink joking acts and goofing around, the audience/scene was apparently very cynical, but he got up and took it seriously. He was earnest, he was himself, and after a frozen moment of silence, everyone went crazy.

THANK YOU yes this is very reminiscent of what the journey of my career has been like, and this particular trot makes me very proud. all of the buckaroos who mean a lot to me artistically, from the andys (andy kaufman and andy warhol) to the davids (david byrne and david lynch) have had similar ways from 'strange' outsider to legend.

was talkin with some buds about how i think there is possibly a connection between this and my autism trot. there is a sort of ability to see a path that nobody else takes but say to yourself 'that makes sense to me, i do not really care if nobody else takes this path'. others can be bogged down with the 'right' way of doing something

so really being ridiculed like i have is this beautiful artistic TROJAN HORSE, where initially very few people take you seriously but they still let you in. they let you trot around in their brain for a while and very slowly they start to get it.

i think it also goes to show how much art is in PERCEPTION of the creator (i talk on this a lot already but this is very good example). look at something like SPACE RAPTOR BUTT INVASION getting nominated for hugo award. EVERYONE said some variation of 'this is obviously a joke and making fun of gay people and autistic people and erotica itself' and on and on. buds on the left said this, buds on the right said this. it was VICIOUS. and all the while i said 'no this is real serious art and i am doing something that goes outside of the way you see the medium itself' and that just made people MORE MAD.

but now looking back, when i presently have award winning best selling books from major publishers and so on, it is easier to see that the erotic tingleverse, as a whole, is a valid piece of art and expression that resonates with a lot of people.

really the only thing that changed was the perception of ME as a creator

anyway. i am proud of my art and where i sit in the world of artists. i like being a sort of chaotic queer punk rock force. so i cannot complain really

i will say this though. this is all a PERFECT example of how queer and neurodivergent artists have to go above and beyond to even get basic respect from both the left and the right

the years of saying 'i am serious. i am real' the years of taking vitriol, or being constantly made fun of are PERSONALLY okay with me. i am a tough buckaroo. in a strange way, that story is kind of part of the art in itself. HOWEVER we still have to acknowledge that a straight neurotypical person would NEVER have to constantly prove themselves like i have.

i dream of a world where queer and autistic artists are not harassed by one side and gatekept by the other, and believe it or not i think we are moving in a good direction. there is still a LOT OF WORK to go though

fortunately, i think there are easy ways to help. you can support outsider artists you like by reading or listening or just buying their art and puttin it on your shelf (PREORDER LUCKY DAY BY CHUCK TINGLE HERE). but ALSO, if you are an outsider yourself JUST CREATING IS SO POWERFUL. build and craft and speak your unique way into the universe. FILL THIS SPACE WITH YOUR UNIQUE WAY. THAT is how we prove love is real.

see that path that makes since to you but nobody else is willing to try? take it

[royalarchivist]

Fit: I'm going through a hard time right now. Things just haven't been the same since... he left. The light of my life.

Fit: [Looking at chat] That was a joke guys, I'm not– I didn't– It's not meant to be angst, ok? It's a joke, it's a joke! It's a joke, c'mon! That was just too easy.

Fit: Yeah, I just think– he's probably dead! You know? He's probably dead, but that's alright. I'll be dead soon too, so it's fine. [Looking at chat] No– I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm not meaning to be angsty, it's just a fckin' habit, ok? [Laughs] I just like– like a sleeper-agent– There's something that activates in my brain that's just like, "You will do gay angst, NOW."

Fit's taken his character's separation anxiety to the next level. 🥀

—

TRANSCRIPT

Fit: [Reading chat] "Why does your look like a homeless? I'm scared" Oh, I'm sorry. Are you offended by my appearance, because I am unhoused at the moment? [Stares at the camera] Wow, that's really– that's really insensitive of you. Alright?

Fit: I'm going through a hard time right now. Things just haven't been the same since... he left. The light of my life. But... it's just– you know.

Fit: [Looking at chat] That was a joke guys, I'm not– I didn't– It's not meant to be angst, ok? It's a joke, it's a joke! It's a joke, c'mon! That was just too easy, that was a fckin' layup! [Mimes throwing a basketball] That was a fckin' layup, and y– [Laughs] Ah, c'mon guys, I'm just teasing ya.

Fit: Yeah, I just think– he's probably dead! You know? He's probably dead, but that's alright. I'll be dead soon too, so it's fine. [Looking at chat] No– I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm not meaning to be angsty, it's just a fckin' habit, ok? [Laughs] It's just a fckin' habit! [Laughs] I just– Yeah, I'm twistin' the knife– I'm just gettin' it in there– [Mimes twisting a knife] Like, "Get! Get!"

Fit: I'm sorry. I'm sorry– it's my birthday. It's my birthday, you need to be nice to me on my birthday. I– I can say whatever I want on my birthday, ok?

Fit: [Reading chat] Yeah, "He can't help but roleplay gay angst." I know, I just like– as soon as I see like, the moon, under a starry Minecraft night sky, I just like– like a sleeper-agent, like MK Ultra, that just like– There's something that activates in my brain that's just like, "You will do gay angst, NOW."

[Later]

Fit: The stench is endearing, if anything. It's endearing. [Reading chat] "No wonder he left"?

[He dramatically clutches his chest like he's in pain, then leans out of frame]

Fit: I've said this: just because something is true does not mean you need to say it out loud! There is a time and a place, you require social awareness, I feel like. You lack social awareness right now– [He glances at chat] Am I blurry? God dammit– Stream's going to hell in a hand basket. Let me- let me get into focus.

[lukolathoughts]

Dearest Gentle readers,

I have been a member of Tumblr for a while without posting a blog entry. I suppose I have been getting the lay of the land and trying to formulate my thoughts. As most of you know, I am a tarot reader on YouTube and I also share my thoughts on X. I am a Lukola through and through and no amount of bullying, intimidation, nasty comments etc. will deter me from my mission. The last few weeks my trolling comments have increased exponentially from what I can only assume are desperate Jakehole's, (apparently I am credited for making the term 'Jakehole' up, I actually have no idea if it was me or not, but I like it) trying to convince me that Nicola is with Jake and Luke is with Antonia. I will come to my thoughts on this in a moment.

I do realise that a public tarot reader, I put myself at risk to exposure and criticism from these types of people. I am fully aware of that. What I underestimate sometimes is the sheer vitriol they come with. I am an empath also and I absorb a lot of a energy, not just from the fandom, Luke and Nic and adjacents, but from my own life as well. I am a teacher and I am surrounded by a lot of people daily. I have always used my television shows as a coping mechanism to detach from reality and 'switch off'. I never thought this time last year I'd be sharing tarot readings on YouTube about a real life celebrity couple that I was barely aware of in January 2024. But here we are. Bridgerton season 3 took hold of my brain and injected some sort of magic crack into it and I haven't been the same since. Don't get me started on the press tour. I've never seen anything like it and it was honestly like a spiritual awakening.

But I digress, I have been reading for a few years and learning the tarot cards and their meanings. I have watched countless YT videos by other readers and I came into this fandom watching the OG tarot readers of the fandom. I do not see myself as any different or special, I just read the cards as they come out. I also repeatedly say 'this is for fun and entertainment purposes only, I do not personally know Luke and Nicola'. And the fact of the matter is I don't know them, none of us do. I do not follow them around all day like some weird little psychic Martha from Baby Reindeer. I merely read the energy of the cards and I observe.

Why I love teaching English so much for me, is there is never a right or wrong answer in English Literature. It is up to your interpretation and all about reading the subtext of what is really going on. Now you might call me delusional, but I have always had an uncanny knack for predicting who the murderer in a story is before the end of a novel. It's called critical thinking. This drives my husband mad because he is very black and white and for him 2+2 = 4. Simple as. For me, I'm like wait a minute, what if... My brain is like a whimsical, magical unicorn sometimes, but I always go with my gut and my intuition. I will NOT waver on my intuition because I believe it is stronger than my rational mind.

Ok, so here we go. In my opinion haters!! Nicola is not now or ever has been with Jake Dunn romantically. My readings tell me he sees her as mother figure and mentor. Jake is clearly gay and most likely in some sort of relationship with Dylan. I think the Jakehole ship is a dead, rotting corpse. Nicola and Jake have reached the end of their agreement where she provides him with networking opportunities in exchange for some possible PR diversion to take the heat off Nicola's real relationship. William Tell is out. Luke is home from Rome, there is no need for Jake anymore. I also get the feeling from my readings that Jake is tired. Nicola is tired and Dylan is doing his best to set the narrative straight. I do not need tarot cards for this, it's blindingly obvious. As far as I know, Jake has no straight male friends. It is extremely rare in UK culture for straight men to hang out with all gay men and feel secure about that. It's just the way things are. I am not saying Jake and Nic are not friends, of course they are and I won't begrudge them that. I think he has a lot of genuine affection for her, but he also sees her as someone who can get him places and opportunities which we have seen time and time again.

And now we come to Antonia. I know she is only 23/4 and young and whatever. I have taught students older than her. But I will be truthful and say I don't like her energy. I don't like reading on her. I don't trust her little dancing self. I did have some sympathy for her in October as I had big crushes on boys when I was young, I get it. Luke is hot. But that pasta video she shared in Rome (a video she could have got from anywhere and shared an hour after she had seen Luke had been there) by her was mean, malicious and intentional to hurt the fandom. Her flouncing around with a shitty red bag always implying she's in Luke's vicinity is also callous and calculating and she's shared so much pasta stories now, it almost puts me off eating it. Almost, I love pasta. The biggest takeaway for me is she was not with Luke this Christmas and NYE. It is well documented where she was. We do not not know where Luke was, but we do know Nic was spotted with a lovely tan at the WT premiere. Could Antonia be PR? I sigh, because I think it's more complicated than that. In my readings, I do pick up a delusional obsession from her in regards to Luke. But she is convenient to bring up when they need her. I know the haters will call me delusional for thinking this and as my husband would say if 2 + 2 = 4 then it's 4.

But is it 4? Is it so straightforward as that? My intuition is telling me no, it's not. We have had no sign of Luke being anywhere near Antonia since July in Sorrento when he jumped on a plane and left two days early alone. All Antonia has are literally pasta videos and photos, that I am convinced, enraged Luke. She is giving me serious Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction vibes.

Let's address the elephant in the room. The comment by 'Luke's mum' on her private FB account to a relative. I think it's bullshit. I have three boys and I'm telling you now I would walk through fire if anyone touched a hair on their heads. I will go to prison for my kids. If I was Luke's mum and some 23 year old dancer had systematically tried to ruin my son's career, and she did folks, I would not be writing on a public page outing her as my son's girlfriend. It is all too suspicious and convenient. I could speculate for hours on what has happened, but you guys have group chats and your own brains for that. As one ship falls, another one rises in an unexplained manner.

In conclusion, yes I do believe Nic and Luke are together and this is a very important time for them right now. The silence is LOUD for me. I keep getting the four of swords for Nic. She is resting and taking care of herself in the way that she should. Luke is in a besotted Emperor mode. All is good. Until Nic and Luke specify otherwise, that is what I am sticking with.

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you seriously, actually ship it?

Okay. Lets talk. Because apparently some of you are defending... well... "that" (under the cut)

"He's autistic! It was a stim!"

If you genuinely think that this has ANYTHING to do with autism, you are an objectively stupid person. Like, your brain is so fucking smooth, it puts the surface of freshly tempered glass to shame. You're a barely functional reprobate with subhuman intelligence who has no idea how to form thoughts so you let a 50 year old billionaire who spends too much time on his phone decide your thought process for you.

"He was throwing his heart out to the crowd!"

Now, I don't really play baseball, basketball, netball, or any sport where you throw anything other than sometimes darts, but... is that how you throw? You perfectly extend your arm at that angle? Twice? After spending years posting tweets that very much align with Nazi viewpoints? Do you throw a pitch in baseball and scream SIEG HEIL as the ball hurtles towards your opponent? No. Stop being a fucking idiot. This was deliberate. He did it twice.

"He's autistic! He doesn't know better!"

Please comment if you actually think this so I can personally call you a stupid cunt and block you. We absolutely do know better. Autism and Nazism aren't mutually exclusive.

"You're inhibiting his free speech!"

1st amendment only applies to censorship from government positions of power, which I am not, as should be obvious from the fact that I have no power to censor him. Though I shouldn't have to explain that.

"Well, he's gonna get away with it so stop being so sensitive!"

Yes. He is. But that's not a flex, that's A FUCKING MASSIVE PROBLEM. Call me sensitive if you want, but absolutely every single one of you should be offended by this. Did you pay attention in history class, or were you too tired after a long night of being fucking railed raw and bone dry by propaganda on Twitter? Moron.

"Well, he's rich and you're not, so there!"

Yep. Got me there. He's rich, and I'm not. Yknow, Hitler and a lot of Nazi officers were pretty minted too. So was Epstein, King Leopold, Stalin, Jimmy Saville, every MP currently serving in parliament... but sure, they're great people because they're rich, right?

"You're just a stupid offended libtard!"

Google "The Holocaust".

"Well, you're still using his app!"

His app? You mean the one he bought, then fucking ruined because he has no idea how to run it, right? And you because its basically impossible to find mutuals as a vtuber without it, you knew that, right? "His" app, please, you probably think Ronald McDonald makes your burger when you order McDonalds, you moron.

"If we punish Elon for this, then that's a violation of the first amendment!"

You mean like banning tiktok, removing any and all talk of election rigging, then putting it back up the next day? Or maybe like deleting any criticisms of you and your nazi salutes under your recent tweets despite it blowing up everywhere else? Or does that not count because its something you agree with? Yeah. You've been cucked harder than Sneako and you don't even realize it. Elon and his government buddies are leaving your free speech rights looking like this

Aaaaanyway

I find it well and truly laughable that so many people like Elon will say all this insane shit and do all these fucking heinous things and people will defend them. Like how that gun woman who shit herself says stuff like "I'm not homophobic, I just think gay people are disgusting and that they should die" or that comedian nobody finds funny anymore spends hours whining about trans people but says he's not transphobic.

Lets all be on the same page for once and have the balls to say what we actually think. Elon got so close, but being a spineless edgelord who doesn't have the balls to just say what he thinks out loud is quite the weakness.

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie was wide awake for the fourth night in a row while Steve’s voice streamed through the walls. Every passing second had his pathetic crush on the man dissolving more and more. The last bastion between Steve and Eddie telling him to fuck off. 

It took one last laugh for him to finally snap. He couldn’t take it for another second. He threw the covers back, marching out of his room to start pounding at Steve’s door.

He didn’t have to wait long. He could hear Steve scramble to open the door, tripping over himself before finally getting it open.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked immediately, clearly concerned, “Are you okay?”

The reaction took Eddie aback. He didn’t- how did he not know what he was here for? 

Eddie barrelled right past it, his anger winning over his confusion, “Dude, you gotta shut the fuck up at night.”

Steve frowned at him, “What?”

“You gotta shut the fuck up at night,” Eddie repeated, crossing his arms over his chest. If he wanted to fight with him on this, Eddie was more than ready to play ball, “I can hear every goddamn word and I’m sick of it.”

Steve’s eyes widened, a blush crawling up his neck as he tried to stutter, “I-I-I didn’t-”

Whatever reaction Eddie had been expecting, it wasn’t this. But now that he started, he couldn’t stop. His brain refusing to catch up with the expression on Steve’s face, “And the showers at thee something? That’s gotta stop too. Can you not hear yourself? What’s your problem?”

“I-I didn’t think you could hear me!” Steve stuttered out, “I didn’t- oh god, you could hear everything?”

“Everything,” Eddie confirmed, his anger slowing down at Steve’s panic, “It’s not like I can recite your conversations but it’s enough to make sure I can’t fucking sleep.”

He could see Steve visibly relax at his words. Which was… suspicious. Maybe he should have been listening in at night instead of seething from exhaustion. 

Steve ran a hand through his hair, “I didn’t- I could never hear you! So I thought that you wouldn’t be able to hear me. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, so am I,” Eddie sighed, “What? You’ve never had shitty walls before?”

“Not for this price,” Steve shrugged, cringing at the look Eddie gave him, “Not that I’m complaining! You didn’t design the building.”

He looked sincere but Eddie’s lack of sleep had his filter evaporating. He pinched the bridge of his nose, hating that he was about to go full RA. But this wasn’t going to happen for another night, “So who keeps you up all night anyway?”

“It’s my job!” Steve rushed out to say, “And my best friend. She’s studying in France and we’re obsessed with each other. It’s the only time our schedules line up to talk. I didn’t even realize how loud I was being.” 

Great. Now Eddie was starting to feel bad. But he wasn’t ready to admit it yet, “You really didn’t know how loud the shower is? Don’t you hear that shit in the morning?”

Steve shrugged, “I’m a heavy sleeper.”

“Is your job like, sweat-inducing?” Eddie tried, “Or can a shower wait until before work?”

“The former,” Steve said quietly, shifting foot to foot, “It’s… a lot of movement.”

Eddie squinted at him, confused at what that could mean. Until it hit him. The cash, the late hours, his stupidly pretty face. The question spilled out of Eddie’s mouth before he could stop it, “You’re a stripper?”

Steve cringed at the wording, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m a dancer.”

“At a strip club?”

“At a gay club,” Steve mumbled, clearly getting more uncomfortable by the second. 

Eddie didn’t notice. Too shocked at what he’d heard. He felt like his world had just been flipped on its head. Steve wasn’t supposed to- he wasn’t an option. Right?

“I didn’t think you were the gay for pay type,” Eddie said dumbly, cringing at the glare that earned him. Holy fuck he needed some sleep. Or a muzzle.

Steve stood a little straighter, his embarrassment replaced with an anger Eddie wasn’t prepared for, “First of all, I don’t fuck for money. Secondly, I’m not straight. I didn’t think that was something you’d have a problem with.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Eddie was fucking this up something fierce, gaping at Steve like a fish. He hadn’t been ready for him to turn the tables like this. He was supposed to be the dick here, not the other way around. 

Steve stared at him, clearly unimpressed with his lack of response, “Is that it? Because I’d like this conversation to be over now. Good night.”

from the first chapter of this fic (my holiday exchange fic! To be completed by the 14th deadline but I wanted to start posting whilst in the editing phase!)

also tag list for the official fic link! @faery-god @the-fatal-lozenge @nyeddleblog @my-love-of-books

(btw I only tagged who specifically asked for it because I don't wanna be annoying. But if you implied it and I missed you my bad! I'm just paranoid! Thank you everyone who has had an interest <3)

[trashremover43]

Evan Buckley had always thought of himself as a pretty straightforward guy. He liked fast cars, loud music, and women. That was it. Simple. Straightforward. No complications.

So when Tommy Kinard walked into the firehouse six weeks ago, all tall, broad-shouldered, and blue-eyed, Buck’s first thought had been, Wow, that guy looks like a G.I. Joe action figure. A totally normal, dude-bro thought.

The second thought had been less normal: I wonder what it would feel like to have him look at me like that.

Buck didn’t know what “that” was, exactly, but it kept happening. Tommy would talk to him about a call, or glance his way during a basketball game, and Buck’s brain would short-circuit. The worst part? Buck couldn’t even blame adrenaline for it.

And today, it finally hit him—like a truck, like a ten-car pileup on the freeway, like Bobby’s disappointed face when Buck forgot to check the truck inventory. He wasn’t just thinking about Tommy a lot; he was thinking about Tommy a lot.

It happened mid-lunch. Hen, Chim, Eddie, and Buck were eating in the kitchen when Tommy strolled in, looking stupidly good in a plain black T-shirt and jeans. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, gave everyone a casual nod, and leaned against the counter.

Buck, mid-chew on a sandwich, felt his brain betray him. God, his forearms look amazing. How is that even possible? Who has hot forearms

Hen squinted at him. “You good, Buckaroo? You’ve been chewing that sandwich for about five years.”

“Fine!” Buck practically yelled, swallowing the bite with an audible gulp.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Uh...okay?”

Buck fled the room, muttering something about checking the inventory.

---

“Let me get this straight,” Hen said later, cornering Buck in the locker room. “You have a crush on Tommy?”

“I—what? No!” Buck’s voice cracked, which immediately betrayed him. “I mean, no. Of course not. That’s ridiculous. I’m...straight.”

Hen crossed her arms and leaned against the lockers. “Sure you are, Buck.”

“I am!”

“Uh-huh. So that’s why you’ve been staring at Tommy like a lovesick puppy every time he breathes in your general direction?”

“I don’t—” Buck stopped. He did. Oh God, he did.

Hen smirked, clearly enjoying herself. “You know what? This is going to be fun. I can’t wait to see how you try to deny this while making a fool of yourself in front of him.”

Buck groaned, slumping against the lockers. “Hen, this isn’t funny. What if...what if he realizes?”

Hen shrugged. “Oh, he won’t. Tommy thinks you’re straight. Chim told him.”

“Chim told him?!”

“Yep.” Hen’s smirk widened. “So, uh, good luck convincing him otherwise.”

---

That night, Buck lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. His mind was a whirlwind of questions. Was he really into Tommy? Or was it just some weird, temporary thing?

It’s just a phase, he told himself. Like when I was obsessed with pineapple pizza for two months. That went away.

But then he remembered Tommy laughing at one of Chim’s dumb jokes earlier, the way his whole face lit up, and Buck felt his stomach do a stupid little flip.

Nope. This wasn’t a phase. This was something else entirely.

By 2 AM, Buck had spiraled so far that he found himself googling, “How to seduce a man when you’re not gay but you think you might like him?”

The results were...not helpful.

Step 1: Be confident.

Great, I’m confident. I can do this.

Step 2: Compliment him often, but not too much.

Okay, I can say nice things. Like...“Nice arms, bro.” Wait, no, that’s weird. Damn it.

Step 3: Physical touch can help build chemistry.

Right. Totally casual. Like a shoulder pat. Or...I don’t know, leaning against him during movie night? Would that be weird?

By the time his alarm went off a few hours later, Buck had decided on a plan: he was going to be subtle. Just ease into it. Maybe start with some compliments, see how Tommy reacted.

It would be fine. Totally fine.

---

It was not fine.

By 9 AM, Buck had already managed to embarrass himself twice.

First, during morning roll call, when Bobby was assigning roles for the day. Tommy volunteered for a routine inspection, and Buck, for reasons he couldn’t explain, immediately blurted out, “I’ll go with him!”

The entire team turned to stare at him.

Bobby raised an eyebrow. “I was going to assign Eddie, but...sure, Buck. If you’re that enthusiastic about fire extinguisher checks.”

Tommy just shrugged, but Hen was smirking again.

Second, during the actual inspection, Buck tried to compliment Tommy’s skills. What he meant to say was, “You’re really thorough.” What came out was, “You’re, uh...really good with your hands.”

Tommy froze, extinguisher in hand, and gave Buck the most confused look of all time.

“Thanks?” Tommy said slowly.

Buck wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

---

By lunchtime, Buck was ready to give up. He was a disaster. A walking, talking disaster. Subtlety clearly wasn’t his thing, and Tommy probably thought he’d lost his mind.

But then Tommy walked past him in the kitchen, gave him a brief, curious look, and smiled.

Buck’s heart skipped a beat.

Maybe he wasn’t as hopeless as he thought.

[cherrybomblast]

thinking about a homophobic gay jock giving nerdy loser reader brain 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

love ur ideas KEEP EM COMING BB 😫 (just now saw the simon ask im cumming expect that one soon babe)

tw// dumb smut, f slur, internalized homophobia

(sorry this is terrible i am barely coherent as i write this.)

oh lord homophobic gay jock where do i begin.

homophobic gay jock who's more eager to suck you off than you'd think. giving you puppy dog eyes at a party, then quickly dragging you off to the bathroom when his dumb friends are occupied. his hands on you as soon as the lock clicks, dipping under your shirt and fumbling against your jeans.

"easy, boy.." you groan out against his lips, but the fucker is thirsty. poor boy has to keep up his little facade around all his jock friends, mocking you and your friends in public. but now look who he's on his knees for.

"just- just- please... you know i need this." he says as he lowers himself to the floor, hands coming to his thighs eagerly waiting for instruction.

"yeah? need what, baby?" you swipe your thumb across his pouty lips. "thought i was a faggot, huh? 'nt that what you and your friends said the other day?"

"didn't- didn't mean it. please, you know it he- helps me. i need it, in m' mouth."

hehehe n he's so pathetic, biting his lip, that you can't help but give in and unbuckle your belt, the clinking sounds of the metal not helping his aching cock.

as soon as you pull your length out, his mouth instinctively opens- but he doesn't dare to touch you until you give him the okay.

"y' gonna suck me good and hard, yeah?" you tease as you slap your tip on his lips. he flushes and his face gets hot, and he lets out a quiet "yes, sir."

but he gets so embarrassed when you're mean to him while he's sucking you.

"hey, what would all those- fuck, those dumb jock friends of yours think if they saw this now, huh? what would they think, baby?" he lets out a muffled whine, lips around the base of your cock.

"i wonder who'd- oh my god, who'd they call faggot from now on. seeing their big, strong captain on the bathroom floor, sucking dick like a whore."

you can see your words take effect as he lets out high pitched moans, and starts to rub his thighs together more.

"what if i took a picture right now for them, huh? 'n sent it to that little group chat of yours. i bet you'd like that, right, slut?" he has no room to protest, with tears running down his face from your cock hitting the back of his throat.

by the end of the night he has a mouthful of cum, and you have a new wallpaper !! ^_^

[leashybebes]

#furiously scribbling notes for my exes with detriments fic

👀

hell yeah!! Posted a couple of snippets already but my brain is buzzing with it, I am shaking the bars of my own enclosure and it's messy and awful and I kind of love it. A snippet in these trying times? I think this is the section that will be followed by messy hurtful extremely weaponised daddy kink lol

"Oh, fuck you. How many times do you think you just get to take out your hurt feelings on me?"

The mean little animal that lives inside Buck now perks up at that. Let's fucking do it.

"Seeing as you're the one who hurt them? At least a couple more times."

Tommy scoffs. "You hurt your own damn feelings, Buck. You made up a version of me to fall for and you never bothered to check whether he was real."

"What are you talking about?"

"Please. You shoved me up on a pedestal so fast it made my head spin. Talking to me like I'm some fucking - queer elder. Like I threw the first brick at Stonewall, not like I've been out for single digit years. You weren't seeing me, Buck. You were seeing some kinda fucking - gay Yoda, it was bullshit and you know it."

"So it's - it's my fault I picked up what you were putting down? Mr Cool, Mr Confident, all that bullshit? Because that was - "

"This is what I'm saying! When did I tell you I was this actualized guy? Was it between telling you I lied about who I was for years and that my own dad doesn't speak to me because he doesn't want a queer for a son? Was it when I told you I was jealous that you have people who care about you? When, Buck? When did I make up the cool guy with his life together?"

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Okay now that I've reblogged that one post...

Holy shit

Like, please understand me. This is how I already interpreted these relationships after reading Journal 3 but like

Wow Ford really was in a weird kinda complicated gay situationship with Bill and Fiddleford, huh? When he's all alone on Christmas in tbob he's all like "Oh yeah haha of course...of course. You have. Yeah. You have a wife, F. How could I expect you not to leave. I am totally not secretly hoping you'll turn around and come back to me, or that you'll even bring your family back here if you have to so I can see you. I'd retreat to my dreams but I haven't seen my muse in weeks and I miss him so badly. I'm so alone"

He and Fiddleford aren't even dating but it's hard not to get the light impression that this situationship is such that Ford kinda treats Bill like his comfort triangle from his head and dreams and Fiddleford like his comfort best friend in his lab. Like he's sad on Christmas that his boyfriends left him alone, you know? Of course it's definitely more complicated than just that, but they are dear companions to him

Or when Bill finally comes back and Ford is pissed

"You return now? After all of that, after me missing you so badly, almost dying, wondering if I'd dreamed it all up. You return now like it was no biggie? Did you ever mean the things you said? Did you not find some other scientist or some other big brain to talk up? Have you found someone else? Another partner?"

And then Bill, dodging the question was like "Funny you think I'm cheating on you as if you haven't been spending all that time with F. The side bitch. The third wheel. You've even considered telling him everything, even though you know he has second thoughts. Heh. A little birdie told me he dreams of shutting down the project even."

Leading Ford to be like "Aw hell how could I accuse my muse of such a terrible thing when I haven't been a saint. He's right! F has been much less motivated lately and I've just gotten so paranoid from the isolation. I'm so sorry for my baseless accusations."

I don't even have a lot to say I just love these three. Fiddleford put up with a lot of shit from Ford while also dealing with his own problems and trying to help him regardless, while Stanford saw him as a comfort and a good friend but ultimately someone who was of lesser mind than he and couldn't see things through his eyes, while Bill was in Stanford's corner actively making him worse and contributing to his isolation (trying to get him to drop Fiddleford and actively feeding his paranoia), while Stanford was seeing both relationships of his with stars in his eyes and rose tinted glasses because he refused to do some introspection

There's so much stuff that journal 3 and tbob added to the equation that's just bad/shitty all around. Can't believe Ford went through a double divorce/breakup despite not having ever been married (or, at least, despite not even officially dating them sorta)

The entire situation in the past is just tragic and hilarious and concerning all at once and that's what I like the portal trio for tbh