#I mean I'm trying to examine HOW they would communicate (and there are definitely still some roadblocks courtesy of how much they

[musical-chick-13]

I know the point of "Don't have your characters use therapy-speak" is "Don't put dialogue in your story that makes things seem stilted/breaks immersion for the purpose of proving that This Isn't Actually An Unhealthy Situation, I Promise Guys," but nonetheless it is starting to give me a complex over writing these characters like. Communicating. Just at all.

[4lph4kidz]

hai :))) thoughts on roxy<>jake?

pointing and laughing at you for forgetting to click a button

anyway yeah i like it, though a lot of this post is going to be me examining their respective character flaws and potential issues with a moirallegiance, i definitely do think they could/would have a supportive platonic relationship. i see a few different interpretations flying around when it comes to the pale quadrant but if we go by the comic as-written, the role of moirails is to 'balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful'... roxy and jake get on well, but do they actually balance each other out? i think they might be too similar in some ways, and i get the vibe that the pale quadrant is typically about people with contrasting personalities coming together.

that's not me shooting it down though, i do think these two compliment each other quite well. they enjoy each other's senses of humor and i really like their pesterlogs because it's really fun to see them bounce off each other! additionally, they both seem to enjoy aspects of femininity and feminine presentation so i think they'd enjoy bonding over and exploring that.

ramble continued beneath the cut, tl;dr they are both well-meaning people who want to support each other, but i think there's a possibility that they might struggle to communicate around more serious issues. it would take some effort to make it work, but it COULD work!

in general i'm a little hesitant to say 'oh yeah this relationship would definitely be 100% functional' because. it's the alpha kids. they have a lot of personal flaws that result in a lot of interpersonal problems, and those might emerge here too.

broadly speaking both roxy and jake seem to have impulsive sides, so maybe they'd egg each other on in irresponsible ways? and though they talk on the quest beds, those are pretty exceptional circumstances so i don't know how good they would be at communicating in more ordinary circumstances - roxy's light-hearted demeanour can make it seem like she's not taking things seriously and jake is very non-confrontational and avoids having difficult conversations with his friends. though maybe those communication styles match actually better than anyone elses would, i'm not sure.

another concern i have is that while roxy ostensibly works through some of her issues on-screen, jake does not - and roxy is all too used to being 'the supportive friend' while jake is usually wrapped up in his own issues. i don't know if i want them to be locked into that pattern where she has to support him and doesn't get enough back, you know? i do think they could be good for each other, it would just take some work from where they are in canon - and we DO see them putting effort into being there for each other in canon! especially on the quest beds. given the trickster hangover roxy is a little worn out and irritated by jake freaking out on her, but even though reassuring him is kind of a lot she still shows him a lot more patience and understanding than anyone else.

(maybe i'm just an idiot falling for jake's facade, but he does read like someone who genuinely needs direct communication sometimes. for the love of god... we need to diagnose him with something...)

and later into act 6, she is genuinely exited to see him and tries to reach out to him!

roxy clearly still likes jake. she reminds jane that jake isn't *genuinely* trying to be an asshole, and she tells dave that she thinks jake is a lot of fun if you can get him out of his shell, which bodes well for their friendship.

now, on jake's side of the moirallegience... i'm not sure exactly what kinds of support jake could provide roxy in return, though he is good at matching her energy. i can see him being genuinely excited and supportive as a friend. that said roxy is tired of putting everyone else first and being the designated shoulder to cry on, and i don't know if jake really has the social or emotional awareness to support her in that way. he's self centered and gets wrapped up in his own problems, but he is beginning to recognise that during his turning point on the quest beds.

and as we see a few screenshots above, he tries to offer her support when it occurs to him to do so! he does want to be a good friend and roxy of all people seems to understand his limitations best. so i think he could be a good moirail... but he would need to undergo some PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT first.

sidebar, i'd need to reread first to be certain but i heard somewhere that jake never does the rp thing again after this and if so thats really funny:

(removing a means of obfuscation for the benefit of others, hm? the rogue of void strikes again...)

anyway, wow all this is without even TOUCHING the fact that their pre-scratch selves knew each other and extra-canon materials in particular would suggest grandpa harley seems to have had a big influence on mom lalonde which is... [stares into the middle distance forlornly] sad. like, roxy beats her acoholism, but if jake doesn't figure himself out he is in real danger of winding up just like grandpa harley, you know? so i really like building on their dynamic with that in mind. you know maybe they don't need to be tragic and dysfunctional adults. maybe they can do better this time around! maybe.

[666writingcafe]

Preparation

Levi

Wow. Diavolo's just as bad as the rest of us, isn't he? I mean, literally jumping out of his office window to escape the Devildom and visit MC...that certainly wasn't on my bingo card for this year.

In any case, we do need to locate him. He's known to cause chaos whenever he's left unsupervised, and while I'd love to see a video of him go viral, I know Lucifer wouldn't, and I really don't want to sit through one of his lectures.

Thankfully, I have just the thing that might help.

"This is Crowe," I tell MC, putting the black cylinder in their hands.

"I didn't know you had a smart speaker," MC replies as they examine Crowe.

"I won him at an auction. Apparently he's a prototype. He's created by the Three-Legged Crow Group, the same company that sells D.D.D.'s. As long as someone has one of their phones, Crowe can track their location. All you have to do is ask."

"Sounds simple enough. Hopefully Diavolo has his phone on him." With that, MC asks Crowe to locate our missing prince.

"Lord Diavolo is located at The Drunk Hyena," it answers. "Would you like me to provide the address?"

"Yes." After hearing the address, MC appears shocked.

"Everything okay?" I ask them.

"I had no idea they had a location in the human world." I shrug, trying to hide my surprise. Clubbing doesn't really seem like MC's thing. Then again, Asmo is prone to dragging people to clubs, so who knows?

"The owners must have bought the building and created a portal. That sort of thing happens all the time." I pause. "Still doesn't explain why Diavolo would be there, though. It's the middle of the day."

"Perhaps it was the safest way for him to get here. People tend to not ask a lot of questions at clubs." That's true, I suppose. They're too caught up in whatever or whoever it is they're doing to notice anything outside their bubble.

At that moment, MC's phone rings.

"Good timing," they mutter as they pull it out and answer it. They tell the person on the other end that they're going to put them on speaker before positioning their phone so that it's between us.

"Who's in the room with you?" Oh shit. It's Diavolo.

"Just me," I reply. Diavolo breathes a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness. I was afraid it might have been someone else. I've been meaning to talk to you about that anime you recommended to me a few months ago. It's really good."

During my quest to manage my social anxiety, I discovered that one of my online friends was actually none other than Diavolo himself, which was weird, because I "met" him on a pretty unknown online RPG, one that only the most devoted members of the gaming community knew about.

As it turns out, Diavolo's secretly a huge gaming nerd. I don't know how he finds the time, since his duties as prince require the majority of his attention, but somehow he's up-to-date on the latest news in the gaming world.

It was definitely awkward at first when I found out, but then I realized that Diavolo just wanted someone he could geek out with. It's not like Lucifer or Barbatos would; neither one of them are particularly interested in video games.

"Diavolo, what sort of trouble did you get yourself into?" MC asks before he has the opportunity to start rambling. I don't have to look at his face to know that he's blushing.

"Well, I may have gotten stuck."

"Are we talking tight space, or something cursed?"

"The latter." He sounds like someone who got caught stealing. "This place has a cursed karaoke room where you can't leave until you get a perfect score on the machine's vocal accuracy challenge."

"So, why haven't you participated?" Silence. "Diavolo, is this a ploy to get me to join you?" More silence. Then,

"Maaaybe." As Asmo would say, he's definitely down bad.

And somehow I'm fine with that. It's weird, I know, especially since I wouldn't have been fine before. I would have been tearing myself down as I holed myself up in my room, because there was no way I could compete with someone like Diavolo for someone's affection.

That's not the case now. I can't really explain why I feel calm; I just do.

"You know MC can't come by themselves, right?" I ask. "You know who would throw a fit if they did." Diavolo sighs.

"Yeah, I do. Doesn't make any sense to me, but whatever. He can feel how he wants." He pauses. "Ask the others if they want to tag along. We can at least make something fun out of the situation."

[illegiblewords]

Serious talk about meta under the cut.

I don't know who might need to hear it, but fwiw mental flexibility is a huge part of analysis (and interacting with other humans lol). You need to be able to account for multiple possibilities when examining a work, or understanding a social exchange. You need to be able to separate what is objective fact from your own subjective interpretation and judgment. The most negative interpretation is not automatically the most worthwhile or true. Someone throwing accusations around in-line with their own worst interpretations does not guarantee those accusations are warranted. You are not a bad or stupid person for disagreeing. Shit needs to withstand scrutiny. I don't always strike the right balance myself. I do the best I can but I'm definitely not perfect. Tbh I'm not beyond pettiness either--although I try to keep that out of actual analysis lol. There have been times I've griped to friends privately or blogged about how I felt (sans tags, with spoiler blocks so people can opt out). I've griped recently. I'm bound to gripe again in the future. Some level of griping is inevitable imo and I figure no one is 100% immune.

All that said, even if someone’s take isn't canon AND even if it's something I really dislike--I'd personally rather people follow their passions anyway. Hands down. I could be in the middle of a rant and my answer would still be that the subject of my frustration gets to exist. I'm not the boss and odds are we're going with different versions in our own heads. Discouraging another fan from creating due to my preferences or narrative approach would horrify me. I've seen fandoms where gatekeeping like that killed the creative community and it was fucking awful.

Not everyone is confident in their own judgment. Not everyone faced with a pissed off person trying to use lore and accusations like clubs will feel okay continuing with their own vision. Elitism and manipulation (especially through rhetoric) can be present within analysis. People are not being taught how to recognize those things properly. Analysts aren't always aware or invested enough to even be careful. It’s legit easy to get caught up in ideas or feelings to the point of forgetting about other people’s, and adjusting to account for alternate approaches takes some work. For me at least, I think having a 'no insults' policy and being super careful when it comes to absolute claims (assertions not qualified by 'I think' or 'it could be argued') helps.

Anyway. Just because a person calls something ‘meaningless’ doesn't make it meaningless. Someone pooh-poohing an observation you made doesn't make your observation less true or important. Employing a literary term doesn't mean that individual actually understands the term, how it works, or how to apply it. Which is to say nothing of romantic chemistry or whatever. I encourage readers to extrapolate on this. ‘Shallow’ could apply as much as ‘meaningless’. Denying parallels exist by itself doesn’t actually negate those parallels. Your version of a character may not be the same as the fan next to you’s and that difference doesn't have to detract. There's more I could say on the subject (I've edited out a lot) but basically--just because another fan isn't into what you're doing doesn't automatically make what you're doing wrong, immoral, shoddy, or otherwise less.

Seriously, vet shit. Question the entire premise an analyst tries to establish then decide for yourself if it holds water. Turn over word choices and assertions in your head before deciding if they're appropriate. Do it to me too. I don't care if someone is the holy goddamn emperor of analysts. Just because a person says something is good or bad, true or false, whatever the hell doesn't make it so. Just because a person uses a technical term doesn't mean they're discussing it effectively. Quality of argument matters beyond the packaging it’s wrapped in. It's important to protect yourself from people whose priority is enforcing their own preferences, including dismissing things they aren't partial to.

I just don't want anyone shamed silent man. Not even people whose takes drive me up the fucking wall. Neither I nor any other analyst is an authority here. And there are people who are absolutely ready to take advantage of other people’s insecurities to assert themselves. Might not even be malicious, just indifferent.

For me, analysis feels kind of like uncovering a dinosaur skeleton. I want to share the cool and exciting things I find with other people. Sometimes I might be sorting out what my own thoughts and feelings are. It's also possible to examine why you're uncomfortable with something, or why you love something another person hates, while making very clear what is YOUR READING and not THE READING. Offering a variety of possibilities is very different from presenting yourself as the only correct one. One note at the end when everything else was insulting and intolerant is like a band-aid over a wound.

EDIT: As a last point, that I'm throwing in just-in-case. If anyone reading this thinks they may have overreached and done stuff I've mentioned + feels shitty about it… that's still not the end of the world. It’s okay. This is hard stuff to learn and I really don't think anyone's perfect at it. Worth the effort though. Just gotta take a deep breath, acknowledge you're a fallible human same as everyone else, and do the best you can going forward. Life goes on.

[danses-with-dogmeat]

hiiii!! congrats on 1.5k thats amazing!! if youre still taking requests for the event. could i get ☠️🦖 “I’m trying to do the right thing! Don’t you see that?” with Arcade? (romanced or not) thank you!!

Yessssss, Arcade! And angst! This is so fun!

It's not too crazy angst fest, like some of the others, but hopefully still along the lines of what you were looking for. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about my writing in this one, but.... I've looked at it enough times that I just need to send it out into the world, lol.

Anyway, I hope you like it! 😁

"I'm trying to do the right thing, can't you see that?" Arcade pleaded as genuinely as Six had seen him, his green eyes shining brightly with the conviction of his beliefs. "That's why I joined the Followers, why I spend my days trying to help people to the best of my abilities. Or did you think that was all part of some big, Enclave plot?"

He waved his hands about dramatically, and Six's nostrils flared in annoyance.

"No, that, I'm okay with." They ignored his snide question, "Helping people isn't a problem, obviously, and... I know that you aren't a part of that group anymore, but... it's your clear idolization of your former faction that I-- I just can't stand it, Arcade." Their voice nearly broke at that, their fingers curling and tensing into fists where they held their hands at their sides. "After everything I've heard about the Enclave, everything they've done... They were fascists, they were self-centered and cruel and so fanciful and grandiose with their beliefs of re-creating the world from before the war that they consistently committed crimes against humanity without any sort of consideration, without a second thought!"

"While that interpretation was a bit dramatic for my taste, still, I'm not denying any of that." He said coolly, "But I also can't deny the fact that they were my family. Whether or not I agreed with their ideologies, well... what choice did I have? I was a kid."

"And what about now?" Six had calmed themselves, but still, an urgency remained in their voice.

He nearly rolled his eyes at it.

"Now?" Arcade scoffed, "What do you think?"

"I'm asking you, Arcade." They punctuated their words with a firm step forwards, challenging.

"Very well, Six, let's examine this." His eyes blazed as, he too, moved forward in response, his hands coming together in a definitive clap, acting as punctuation.

"So, to start off, fleeing my home and faction with my mother after my father was killed, laying low and hiding from, well, pretty much everyone given how the Brotherhood and the NCR felt about this 'family business' of mine. Would you say, I mean, are my actions aligning with Enclave ideals so far? I'm not sure, but I'll go on anyway." Six's nostrils flared once more at the dry ire accompanying his words, but they remained silent.

"Growing up around the remnants of the Enclave," He continued, "while remaining as hidden as we could on the outskirts of NCR land. Doing some farming, foraging, learning what we could from those around us, now that we were out of our small community and entering into the great, wide wasteland, sure, yeah, that might have been pretty fascist of us, I could give you that--"

"Arcade, this isn't what I meant, and you know it. I was talking about how you're--"

"Now. Okay yeah, you're right. All of that was just about ancient history at this point, huh? Given that you can only recall... what? Your life for the past year? Yeah, I was going too far back. Let's stop and consider your place in all this."

"Arc--" Their fists clenched, but he tried to ignore it as he held up a finger to keep from being interrupted again.

"Ah, ah. I'm working on it, tenere vos equos." His voice and expression were wild with vicious sarcasm as he carried on his speech. "When you met me, I was working for the Followers of the Apocalypse, after being trained as a doctor, trying to find the cures to certain ailments through the use of local plants, which, while gloriously and ironically unfruitful work, it was-- in my fascist opinion-- a noble pursuit."

Six was silent as he finished, their deadpan expression difficult to read.

Which is the preferable alternative to being outwardly pissed off, so I suppose I'll take it.

"I was doing that, anyway." Arcade continued, the smallest tinge of humor creeping back into his voice after it's previous indignation, "Until some dusty nobody stumbled in and said they needed a handsome doctor to help them, what was it? Be a 'better person' and 'save the Mojave' and become 'much more charming' with said doctor's assistance."

Their lips twitched, a telltale sign that he almost had them.

"Look, I know how it looks. I know my past is as checkered as your crazy would-be murderer's tacky suit jacket, but... I wouldn't have even bothered telling you about it if I didn't think I could trust you."

Six looked down at that, their eyebrows scrunching together, wrinkling their forehead slightly, and shifting the remaining scarred skin left from the bullets that nearly killed them.

Arcade's own chest gave a brief ache of sympathy.

We both have scars. Their's are just out here for all to see.

"It's not something I go around advertising, you know? Like you said, the Enclave weren't the most, ah, popular group."

"Then..." They spoke up finally, their voice quiet, but sincere. "Why did you tell me?"

Arcade's brows rose.

"You need your ears checked? Because I've got the special stethoscope and everything, we could do it right now."

Now a soft laugh left them, and the doctor's eyes crinkled a bit with his returned hint of a grin.

"Okay, you trust me... but..."

"Why?" He repeated for them.

Six nodded.

"Do you really want to stand out here in the sun all day? Because, well, it's a pretty long list. What do you say we just do the short version, save from being sunburnt, you know, non perdis tempus nec meum." They nodded like they did know, even though Arcade doubted that they did, he continued on without bothering to translate.

"But I've known you a year now, which, yeah, not too long, but still... we've stuck together longer than I've been around anyone but a few... choice affiliates and family members in my life, and you've... You've accepted me. As cheesy as that sounds," He chuckled, losing himself briefly to the sincerity of his confession, "You've pretty much been the first one. No one else has gotten here, to this point. They all leave before it can happen. But you... well, obviously you didn't. I figured... If you can put up with the rest of me, why not one last-ditch effort? See how handsome and charming you really think I am. See if it's enough to keep you around, despite everything else about me. Despite my fascism and perceived affiliation to crimes against humanity, my boring personality..."

"Well... It was." Six said quietly, and Arcade's eyes snapped to theirs. "I know that... That I might've reacted a little harshly to you telling me about your past, about your family and... and the Enclave, but... All that you've done, for others and for me, it all speaks volumes. And it speaks volumes in Latin, so it's also unfalteringly charming."

"Ahh, yes. Just like the rest of me, right?" Arcade winked, and Six only shook their head.

"Don't make me redact my statement, doctor." They said with a grin, "Because I reserve my right to do so."

"But you wouldn't." He shot back, his eyes narrowing playfully, "Else, you would have done it by now. Ne minaris quod facere non potes, Six."

[donnerpartyofone]

<3333333 59, 50, 40 <3333333

40. That's an interesting question, the thing that immediately comes to mind is going with my best friend to [big international film fest with an amazing genre program] to see the long-awaited, still-underrated sequel to one of our favorite movies. We befriended the programmer, who I thought was one of the smartest people I'd ever encounter and whose writing and way of thinking about movies totally changed my life. And then he spent the next few years doing a pretty great job of trying to ruin my life, the effects of which dictated a lot of things about my future. So it's complicated, and I bet a lot of people have favorite memories of experiences that changed them, but that became complicated in the long run. I guess this is sort of why I feel averse to cancelling people, because I think if you just say "X is dead to me because it doesn't meet some moral standard" then you don't get to examine what they succeeded at and how and why you reacted to it in the first place. I mean if the guy I'm talking about got wiped off the face of his whole profession for his serially shitty behavior then I definitely would have laughed, but I don't think that's a good practice intellectually or culturally.

59. I joined Tumblr because a friend of mine was really enjoying it. This is going to sound hilarious but I had this weird prejudice that Tumblr was full of attractive hipsters and/or talented artists with amazing taste in cool shit I had never heard of, and I would definitely not find my place in that crowd. I was sort of right on the first count, which may tell some of you how different "my Tumblr" was from what it was for most other people, as I realized years later! Now that original friendship is over and the community of cool, unique oddballs I associated with is mostly scattered to the winds--and frankly I have found very little of the same kind of individuality and unusualness on this platform in the last, I don't know what, 5+ years. It's so rare that I encounter someone with a real personality who isn't just doing a bit and/or pandering to some mass homogenizing community for likes and anonymous "validation". But there's still some people I love around here, and I'm pretty hopelessly addicted to the way that it allows me to organize my thoughts and express myself.

50. ooooooh I got a good one for "favorite picture of your idol"...

[swolesome]

Hi Swolesome,

I enjoy your content on YouTube, and I was wondering if I could ask for some advise.

I'm a writer among other things (another one of those things is also being a fellow bisexual disaster), and I do a lot of writing on this and other sites. But lately I've been thinking about trying my hand at starting my own channel on YouTube.

I don't exactly have high expectations for my future channel in terms of how many people will watch, nor am I anywhere near expecting to acquire much in terms of monetary gain. I don't exactly expect to gain the following the likes that Contrapoints or Philosophy Tube have gained over the years

But I do have ideas to share for video essays topics (original ideas and work with sources cited of course, I've been keeping up with that particular discourse). I guess what I'm trying to say is I could use a little advice as someone who is just starting out. What to do, what to say, HOW to say things? I'm not the best actor, but I think I'm fairly descent in terms of presenting things (I've also been pretty good at writing both fiction AND essays both online and in school).

Also maybe some tips on actually creating videos.

Thank you :)

Hey! So glad you reached out, and thank you so much--I'm really happy to hear you enjoy the content I make. :) Also stoked to hear you're looking to start a channel of your own! It sounds like you're coming at it from a very realistic place, because it's kinda thankless work, especially in the early days. Some people know how to game the algorithm, but I am sadly not one of them, so I don't want to lead you astray on that front (FD Signifier would be a good source there, he has some more recent videos talking about content creation with some tips and tricks included.) The advice I can confidently offer is to be yourself. And I know that sounds like cliché right out of an after school special, but I mean it. What do you love? What perspective do you bring to a subject? If you're more of a presenter, you might find yourself connecting with educational content. If you're a writer, you might be drawn to storytelling or poetry. One of the nice things about videos as a medium, if the focus is specifically art and communication, is that they're so flexible. I fell into my style of videos because I genuinely love connecting with people and encouraging honest examination of thoughts, emotions, and how they interact; this is why I never say anything unless I mean it. Even if I later come to change my mind on a subject (which definitely happens), I think it's important to give people the same honesty I'm trying to encourage in them. Every YouTuber has an onscreen persona, of course. We all contain multitudes and it's important to have your self-self and your visible-self, if that makes sense, both for your style to come forward and for your mental health. But the content that will be the most enjoyable and rewarding will be whatever you can bring sincerity to. While there is certainly something to be said for acting as a talent in itself, I personally love creating and viewing YouTube content that gives a glimpse into the person making it. It doesn't have to be baring your soul (not unless that's what you want), but rather something about yourself that you're secure in sharing: an artistic talent, education you've received, your sense of humour--that part is up to you.

And don't get discouraged if there's something you want to talk about that other people have already addressed. This is something I still struggle with, worrying that my voice is just adding clutter, but we need more people sharing their passions and insights. Every perspective brings something new and increases the likelihood of someone else connecting with the subject. Whether you're everyone's cup of tea or someone's shot of whiskey, you're reaching others. Finding your voice is the key to getting started, recognizing its value is the drive to keep going. Oh, and on the tech side, if you had to select only one thing starting out, make sure it's a good mic. For a hearing audience, good audio is often the deciding factor as to whether or not someone will watch. You got this! 💙

[a-dragons-explanations]

I don't even necessarily agree it's the same as 'disagreeing with trans people ' (I find this perhaps harmfully reductive to both issues beyond the right to identify how one wishes, really? Particularly these days. Otherkin aren't having specifically targeted forced detransition in some places beyond the demographic overlap.) But I do find it absolutely bonkers to feel the need to say "I don't agree with otherkin".... Just, at all? I don't agree with Christians, Jewish faith, or in fact most any established religion; I don't make it a hill to die on. I just act about an adult about it, saying privately to myself "that isn't for me" and move on with my life. Who gives a shit if you agree with them? Do you not quietly disagree with people all the time? I don't like Voltron, should I outspokenly not agree with Voltron fans?

Yeah, hence my note as to the fact that they're not the same, there's just a parallel that I find useful in illustrating to people why it's not a good argument. It helps people wrap their brains around it to say "okay, we agree that this isn't okay to say to [x] group for [a b c] reasons. Why do you then think it's okay to say to [y] group? What difference is significant and relevant enough that it makes this a valid argument against [y], but not [x]?"

(And sometimes there is a strong answer to that question! This is the case for, for example, when people try to use this when arguing that pedophilia should be treated like a sexuality by saying "well, if you said this about gay people, it'd be bigoted!", because there's a key difference (several, depending on what argument exactly they're talking about) that makes the argument valid against one group but not the other. It's not an automatic gotcha - nothing is - it's just a tool to force yourself to re-examine your arguments and see if they actually hold up under scrutiny.)

Regardless of that detail, your main point I definitely agree with. People are allowed to not believe my soul is a dragon's or whatever - but it would be rude to go into my community and start telling me about that, for the same reason it would be rude to walk into a church and start complaining about how you don't think God is real.

Furthermore, I would argue that to say you "don't agree with" something like otherkinity doesn't just mean disagreeing on how the metaphysics of the world works like with a religion, it means "I don't agree with you about your own subjective, internal experience of identity", which is why I used the parallel to gender instead of religion. It's not disagreeing about the metaphysics of the world at large, it's Person A disagreeing with Person B's report of their own internal experiences - effectively saying "I know your identity and experiences better than you do." You can disagree with me that my soul is literally dragon-shaped, because that requires a belief in souls and that those souls can take nonhuman shapes - but you can't disagree with me that I identify as a dragon, or that I experience instincts, shifts, etc., because you are incapable of knowing my own internal experiences better than I do. Whatever your private explanation for why that might be, to simply say "no, that's not possible" is to demand either that I'm lying about my own experiences, or that I'm wrong about them (and thus that you have the authority to dictate that).

Which, I don't know which of those things the OP of the post that brings this up meant, though it seems likely to me it's the latter, since the former is hard to pull off when there's so many different explanations for why one might be nonhuman - it's hard to disagree with all of them. But the point stands regardless that even if it's the former, there's still a difference between having different metaphysical beliefs from someone, or even discussing your different beliefs and why you believe what you do in a mutual discussion, versus walking into their house unprompted to tell them you disagree with them.

[sp3aking-now]

"Dress"ing the Part

Prompt: “Look What We Made Taylor Swift Do” by Anna Marks examines how fans and critics have interpreted queer subtext in Swift’s work. Analyze a song like “Dress” or “Guilty as Sin?” in this context. How might these songs be read through a queer lens? How does the possibility of queerness in Swift’s lyrics contribute to the ongoing conversation about her sexuality - and sexuality more broadly - within the fan community?

While it is possible that only Taylor will ever know the truth of her sexual identity, when listening to some of her songs it is difficult to deny that it is possible that sexuality is bisexual or otherwise queer. One such song is "Dress" from reputation, which has lyrics that could definitely be interpreted through a queer lens.

"Our secret moments in your crowded room They got no idea about me and you"

For queer people, the idea of hiding a relationship is almost second nature. Even now, after having been dating my girlfriend for two years, I feel unsafe holding her hand in certain presences and have yet to make my relationship known to my extended family. On the other hand, there are seldom cases where those in heterosexual relationships hesitate to openly display their relationship. I mean really, what do they have to hide? We know Taylor was dating Joe Alwyn even though their relationship was less publicized that others, so why would they be having "secret moments" around people with "no idea" about them as a couple?

"All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah)"

Admittedly, this could technically be about a male muse. BUT. Pining? Angst? Yearning? Those are such classic features of a WLW crush. Specifically pining. So. Much. Pining.

"I don't want you like a best friend"

This one has always been of particular interest to me. It is interesting to me that Swift feels the need to clarify to her muse, not just to the public, that her feelings extend beyond friendship. To me, this does not seem like it would be a necessary distinction to make to a man. I remember in middle school when even working on a group assignment with a guy could spark rumors about crushes or "talking." In fact, at least three guys thought me being nice and helping them with homework was a clear signal of my (nonexistent) romantic intentions. That said, to what man would Taylor have to clarify that they aren't just friends?

As a side note, Taylor really likes to draw equivalency between her "lover" and "BFF" as seen in this necklace on her merch store. Did she consider Alwyn to be her best friend before they were involved romantically? Since they first saw each other at the 2016 Met Gala, it seems unlikely.

"Inescapable, I'm not even gonna try And if I get burned, at least we were electrified"

This is another situation where I would pose the question: why would Taylor get burned? If people found out about her relationship with Joe, there would be buzz as there is with any of Taylor's relationships, but nothing that I would consider to be able to "burn" her. Unless, that is, she were to get outed and scorned by the reveal of her partner.

So, is she gay?

Again, there is no conclusive proof that Swift is queer. Even if she is, I think it would be quite the reach to claim that all of her male relationships have been publicity stunts. Still, the subtext of songs like "Dress" have caught the attention of countless fans, queer or not. Is this intentional? Are fans reading too deeply into the lyrics? Should there be speculation on her sexuality at all? I don't have definitive answers to any of these questions despite my frequent pondering.

[whatisshelties]

Yeah, I'm heavily leaning towards waiting much longer on the new dog and releasing my hold on the rescue dog.

I touched base with rescue owner a few weeks ago because she was posting some videos of the dogs just out and about and mentioned the dog I had on hold was softer and that she won't try to take space from another dog.

The softness doesn't really bug me from a training stand point, but it sounded to me like she might not be totally comfortable with the other dogs in the house. A dog that doesn't get in another dog's space is great for Anza and Mud to some degree. However, I'm not sure it's fair to the other dog if she's going to always be somewhat uncomfortable because there's other bigger, more pushy dogs in the house. Heck, Anza was never fully comfortable with Truly and I feel like her behavior is changing even at 7 years old because it's only her and Mud now.

Mud and Anza are just so happy with each other. My mom says herself that she thinks Anza is happier here than she was at the other house. We suspect partially the house/property itself and partially Mud is here. Anza has been in my bed a lot. I think it's because it has gotten colder, but she does like to be comfortable. Sometimes she's even sleeping with me in bed for part of the night.

I still think Anza has some physical discomfort that hasn't been addressed. Finally started her on Adequan last week. I'm interested to see if that has any impact on a consistent postural imbalance I've seen that wasn't there when she was younger. I'm not sure how much...exploring my mom wants to do as far as finding the discomfort. She's been examined by a rehab vet who can't find any evidence for soft tissue injuries. I'm not even sure where we would start with xrays, and those aren't always definitive. I've not seen limping at all.

I feel like adding another dog right now is going to be too much work/stress for me, the dogs, and my grandmother. I also still don't have enough income to cover my expenses right now (been relying on mostly my savings for almost 2 years now). I need to wait until I'm not operating at a loss to get a new dog.

Mud might be able to get back into sports??? I'm seriously thinking about trying Anza at a local scent work trial in April (really depends on if I can start getting her to perform consistently in public). We can do all kinds of online titling options with both dogs. So, I probably have enough opportunities to stay occupied and connected to dog sport community for now. Then when I have the means, I can get a new dog.

[faithisleaping]

You don't need to disagree

When coming out to friends and family members or talking to them about my gender quest, I keep hearing some variation of, "We probably disagree but I still love you." I think what people intend to communicate when they say this is that they value our relationship and love is more important than an opinion. In reality, those three little words "we probably disagree" carry far more weight than the words that follow and the opposite is communicated. It's a clear indication that you're afraid to fully engage because doing so might scuff your perfect little worldview. It's betrayal with a kiss. It's a stab in the back while giving a hug and saying "I love you". Sure, you can make up a movie plot in which someone really is stabbing their friend out of love but this is life, not the movies. If you really love me more than your opinion, change your damn opinion!

Am I taking it too personally? I don't know. Should Neil Armstrong take it personally if you think the moon landing was fake? Should the families of the Sandy Hook victims take it personally that Alex Jones told all his listeners that the shooting was made up? Should a black person take it personally if you think that white people are inherently superior? Should a female scientist or engineer take it personally when they're told that girls just aren't as good at math and science? Should a def person take it personally if you think their inability to communicate verbally is because they're stupid? Yes, they all should. For you, as a cis/het white abled person who's never been to the moon, those are merely opinions that you can have and argue about at no personal cost. For them, they're life-defining things that definitely happened and there's no room for disagreement. As such, that contrary opinion, which costs you nothing, has the potential to do them great harm. Your pride may even be putting their life and well-being at stake.

Also, exactly what is it that you think we disagree about? Leaving it nebulous doesn't really help. If anything, that's worse because now I can't even have a discussion or try to educate you or defend myself. I've been told you think I'm wrong but not what you think I'm wrong about.

Do you disagree about whether or not I'm trans or have gender dysphoria? Upon what, exactly, would you base your contrary opinion? You're not in my head. You don't know what thoughts are playing up there. How are you to form an opinion without that knowledge? All you have is what I tell you and if you're coming to different conclusions, then you're either claiming to be a psychiatrist or you're saying you don't believe me. That I'm lying.

Or do you think gender dysphoria isn't real? That it's just my sinful mind lusting after some kink. Well, I can guarantee you that's not what it is. I've spent decades trying to explain it away that way and I've examined it from every possible angle. If there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of, it's that it's not a kink and it's not the sin of lust. Maybe you're not sure what sin it is but you're still pretty sure it's wrong. Then on what grounds do you condemn it? Are you really willing to bet your soul and my life (or at least our relationship) on that "pretty sure"? There's a lot that's unclear in the Bible but I'm 100% sure that no one is going to hell for loving too much. You don't need that opinion. You'll be fine.

Are you disagreeing with how I'm handling it? Are you really ready to say that you would definitely do differently, better even, if our roles were reversed? What exactly should I be doing differently? Clearly you know, oh great sage. Enlighten me with your great wisdom from beyond time. Maybe you don't know that you'd do better but you're still sure I'm doing it wrong. In that case, you're just being arrogant and judgemental. That's not love.

Maybe you think we disagree about the ontology of gender and what it means to be a woman or a man. That would be pretty hard given that I don't have an opinion for you to disagree with. The ontology is ridiculously hard and there are no clean answers. I certainly don't have any. Or do you think you have the ontology of womanhood all sorted and it clearly doesn't include me? If so, I'd love to put your ontology to the test. I guarantee you I can blow it to bits in under 5 minutes.

I know this all may sound aggressive but I have to be. I've already spent decades locked in a prison of guilt and shame because of those opinions—because I gaslit myself—and it was slowly killing me. No more! If I am to live, I must live free.

Or maybe you think I'd be better off dead with your definition of an intact soul than alive with whatever you think it is that I have. I'm not going to respond to that one. I'm just going to let you sit with it.

Or maybe you foolishly think I'm exaggerating and that I can somehow find some sort of contentment while still not upsetting your morals. In other words, that I should just try harder. If that's the case, allow me to ask a counter question: How much must I suffer before you believe me? I've already been through decades of hell on earth. To how much more of that hell would you sentence me in order to satisfy your disbelief and pride? How much of my suffering is your pride worth? If there were a reasonable alternative, I would have already taken it and we wouldn't be having this discussion. Every trans person I know would tell you the same. No one wants this.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to one question: Do you believe me? If you do, you'll be willing to either set aside your foibles or put in the work to reconcile them with what I've told you. If you're holding out and leaving room for disagreement, then you don't. Maybe we haven't talked enough to know what you think I'm lying about but there's something you don't believe.

If you're struggling to understand, that's okay. I get it. It's okay to struggle. I've spent years, decades even, struggling with these things. I still don't have satisfactory answers on a lot of things and I certainly don't expect others to somehow magically sort it out faster. What I do want is for you to engage and struggle through it together with me rather than hold me at a distance because you don't want to get your hands dirty. If you don't want to struggle through every issue, that's okay too and there's a path for that: just don't care. Contrary to popular opinion, you don't need an opinion on everything. The final state of your immortal soul isn't dependent on having correct opinions on everything. It's okay to say "I don't get it but I believe you" and take what I say at face value and carry on. You won't burn in hell for it. But when you say you disagree, you're claiming to have an opinion which is in conflict with my existence or freedom and which you're not willing to lay down. That hurts.

That's lesson 1 in loving queer people: take what they say at face value and love them for who they are. (Lesson 0 is that we exist, whether you like it or not.) More than that, lean in and learn to love them for their queerness rather than in spite of it. I think you'll find that variety really is the spice of life and that having their queerness in your life makes your own life better and brighter.

[rickgrimesdoingrickthings]

Rick seemed better than before, clean, fed and relaxed due to the warm bath- and even though he didn't mean to feel that way, he did feel loved, after being washed and held. He felt his heart warm, he was glad to be there, it was printed in his eyes, stare so grateful. Rick kept his hand down to his crotch to cover himself as the servants helped him dress, or so he tried since eventually he had to raise his arms to wear the soft vest. He liked it. It was clean and light...and warmer than it looked. "Thank you again." He said, looking way more awake than he was before, even if he still looked so beaten and tired.

"Your king...must be truly very kind." He nodded. "I'll serve him. I'll do my best to serve, to make my life useful to him." Rick saw nothing left in that world. The only thing that kept him standing was his gratitude and the will to orove his worth so he could stay and help that king prosper. Help that community, hopefullt become part of it.

Rick widened his eyes a little when he noticed Cain acting so differently once the servants left. Sweeter...more friendly. He was warning him...giving a hint. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll do my best to pass the tests." Richard's voice was soft and tired, even though there was determination in his eyes.

When Cain mentioned he could be attacked, his eyes wineded a little bit and his shoulders tensed- would they hurt him? Well...if so...so....so be it. He had nowhere to go...if they were to kill him, so be it. It would be better than wander again, face all the cruel lands all by himself, or end up captured and made a slave by someone sadistic. At least this king seemed kind. The community was organized. People seemed to be good. Cautious, wary, but good.

Rick bowed back, in respect, even if the world spinned around him when he lowered his head. He was confused- why was Cain apologizing? Because he stared him earlier? Well it was expected- they couldn't lower their guard to a stranger- and it seemed they had bad experiences before, by how some of them seemed tense earlier.

The cloth he was given was so comfy, soft against his sensible skin, he wanted to curl and sleep, specially after eating so much. He even blushed at how he had eaten...he must have looked like some desperate animal. He facepalmed a bit thinking about how he had been so exposed nude to everyone there moments ago, all the marks and wounds on him body, all the things they probably were imagining about him.

Many said one shouldn't care about others' opinions, but that felt so difficult just now. He hugged himself a little, hugged his arm, the amputated wrist hidden behind the fabric, eyes sad, avoiding contact with others.

"Yes, I can walk now. I'm already feeling better...I'm a lot better compared to when I arrived." He was still limping though, and his body felt so heavy. He accepted Cain's help, leaning a bit against the arm he offered, helping sustain his weight-

"Physician?" Rick didn't complain, but he blushed hard. He would get examined all over, touched all over...? Stripped nude again for someone to see all the wounds he wanted to hide, wanted to pretend they didn't exist. But he needed proper treatment, he knew. At least some medicine to ease the pain, one of the reasons walking hurt so much was his bottom, his abdomen, hid parts, still aching. He even closed more the vests, covering his chests the best he could. And he felt so ashamed. His eyes seemed lifeless from time to time, his lips clearly sad and its side busted.

Wounds that were red had started turning purple, and the stains on his pale skin definitely showed. He hated it. He didn't want anyone to see him like that- but he needed help, so he nodded, he agreed, and he was grateful to have assistance. "Thank you, sir." He followed Cain to the room, feeling so smal, the fresh air making him shiver, once outside the large bathing chamber, the air felt cold and his clothes were thin, he was shaking a little bit, while trying to hide he was. Cold, trauma and anxiety, all made him shake.

@vuulpecula

Rick was glad Cain had stopped staring him. He was visibly more relaxes. As they removed his rags, he tensed and curled his shoulders, wincing at the pain and at the cold, but it didn't take long for him to warm up due to the water and steam. He kept his head low, not staring the servants, to show respect.

He noticed their eyes on him, made him feel even more nude than he actually was. Marks and wounds told stories, and he didn't want anyone to know about his- it hurt him he had to tell it, but when they showed so much care while holding and cleaning him, it made him feel taken care of. The way they washed him rubbed the soft warm clothes all over him with so much care, it started to make him calm down, tense muscles finally and slowly relaxing.

In some minutes, he got used to them, and in a couple more, he was relaxed enough to start to blush at their touches, nose getting red, face still downwards, eyes on the water, so warm and clean. He wasn't ready for such...caresses in a way? His eyes got teary. That felt so good. He felt assisted, taken care of- Rick hugged his thin self with his arms under water, he could feel his nipples hard at the touches, he joined his knees a little, closing his eyes when they started to wash his hair. His curls were showing. He wondered if they would hate him because of them, like in the culture of his previous city- he wondered if they would shave his hair, if he was going to be a slave- but right now, all that was so heavenly.

He was almost sleeping as they washed his hair, lips parting as he slowly sank more- when they pulled him a bit above the water again, he opened his eyes wide, waking up from the half sleep relaxation, the expression on his face almost funny- and then he felt all that water rinsing his hair- he let out a low muffled relieved moan.

Eventually, they were done, let go of him- and he was already awake enough to remain sitting on his own, both arms on his crotch, even if he was immersed, the water was so clean it was quite transparent when there was no soap.

"I...I...can I...stay a little longer?" Rick muttered, the water still too relaxing for him to leave- and he was shy to just stand naked in front of them, specially since his body was still responding to all those caressess, and that was beyond his will.

Before he could say anything else, the food was brought into the bathroom. Gods. The scent. His mouth watered, he even stood, stomach and crotch slightly pressed against the rocky limits of the large narural tub.

His eyes quickly paced, looking at Cain and then to the food- was it his?? He could....could he eat it?? His stomach started to growl.

"Can I...? Can I eat now? P...p...please...?"

Damn, the food right there making him salivate, such a feral tempted stare formed in his eyes.

As soon as the cook set the tray on the rocky surface, Rick approached it, looked at Cain, then at the food- yes, he realized it was for him, so he didn't lose time, starting to eat- drinking the milk, sinking his teeth into the meal, seeming a bit desperate at first, but slowly calming down, savoring the food, sitting again, letting the water cover most of his body.

He ate it all, licking the dishes, not leaving one drop of milk or one bit of food behind. It felt so good to be warm, clean and not starving.

When he was done, he closed his eyes for a while, took his time relaxing more, resting, until he finally took the towel, slowly drying the upper part of his body, keeping one of the clothes over his shoulders while he finally stepped out of the water, curling shyly as he dried the rest of his body, he used it to wrap himself. What was going to help him now? Would he be made a slave? Was all this...them offering him one last moment of pleasure before they sacrificed him? It...it would be alright, honestly, he was so tired. At least he would die with some decency.

"Mm...thank you..."

@vuulpecula

[writingwithcolor]

hi!! i'm writing a book about a group of teenage mutants. the oldest (23 y/o) is a Chinese-American nonbinary person named Eden (they/them). they're a first generation immigrant, as in their parents were born in China and Eden was born in California. i wanted to write them as having an iffy relationship with their parents because of their experiences as a queer first gen immigrant. should i rewrite this bit as something else?

Chinese Mutant with rocky relationship with parents due to being non-binary and queer (1st gen)

Mutant as in Superhero like the X-Men or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant as in Genetic Disability

What exactly do you mean by mutant? Because there’s two meanings of the word, and as such, I have similar answers except one comes with an addendum.

So I am going to get to the meat of the issue: balanced representation. Right now you have three Chinese characters: one of whom is Eden and the other two are their parents, who under the current frame have a potentially antagonistic but most certainly strained relationship with Eden. 

You have to decide: are they actually queerphobic, and if so why?

You may want to consider making Eden’s parents not completely understand but still try to respect their wishes and pronouns. I would also recommend balancing your representation by adding more Chinese characters to the story that aren’t queerphobic because there is the trope of writing marginalized characters from the outside and making them queerphobic. See our tag on homophobia and transphobia. Most importantly, not all queer stories need to be about oppression or struggle.

So the term “mutant” has a role outside of superhero comics and stuff like that. It is often a derogatory way to refer to genetic mutations in people such as Tay Sachs Disease, heterochromia, or a hereditary connective tissue disorder, which is what I have. The term “mutant” is often seen as a word with a negative connotation in the disability community. We are actual people who exist in the world with approximately 1 in 10 people having a rare disease, with 80% of rare diseases seen as inherited. The world of genetic disorders is wide and you need to consider how disability plays as an intersecting factor for Eden because I’m pretty much at similar intersections. What kind of symptoms affect them and how does it interact with their position as a queer Chinese-American nonbinary person? It also concerns me in regards to why their parents don’t accept them because ableism can be a major factor in parental rejection. 

--Mod Sci

Queerphobia in culturally Chinese Families

Chinese (by way of Taiwan and Southeast Asian nations) nonbinary mod in Cali here! While my parents were not born or raised in China (Taiwan-France and Singapore, respectively), they are very culturally Chinese and have been transphobic in the past. 

Despite that, I still have a good relationship with them. They’re supportive of my life ambitions, they’re accepting of other parts of my identity, and much more open-minded to other parts of my identity. It’s still complicated, by all means, but for the most part they have my best interests in mind.

Obviously, this won’t ring true for everyone. I have other Chinese (and other East Asian) queer and trans friends that do have iffy relationships with their parents due to queerphobia. I also have other friends that don’t. A lot of them have parents that are trying to learn otherwise!

Generally, I’d emphasize Mod Sci’s points on adding non-queerphobic Chinese parents. I also personally wish to see less queer stories featuring strained relationships with parents, but there’s definitely an area where queerphobia in diaspora should be addressed as well. Though, I’d encourage this for only those personally affected by oppression in/from Chinese communities, if such stories are going to be examining intersections between culture and gender.

Additional queer Chinese perspectives are encouraged!

--Mod Emme

[nxrthmizu]

happy birthday — tsukishima kei

pairing | tsukishima kei x reader

genre | fluff

w.c | 1.6k

↪ part two of this

second chance // an opportunity to try something again after failing one time

tsukishima kei wasn't expecting anyone. sure, it was his birthday, but he did have work the next day, and wasn't very keen on drinking himself senseless into the witching hour.

since yamaguchi, his mother, and akiteru had taken it upon themselves to inform half of japan of his birthdate, kei had just spent the past four hours repeating 'thank you' to people ranging from his junior high schoolmates and strangers he had never met. he was certain that 99% of the players involved with the japan volleyball league had shown up, much to the amazement of his museum colleagues.

the bell rings for the third time, and kei is suddenly hyperaware of how annoying the sound is. he had just sat down, for goodness's sake— was it too much to ask for one minute of rest?

with his socializing energy at an all-time-low, kei nearly tears the door off his hinges, greeting his unwelcome visitor with a fierce snarl. "what do you want—" the words clamp down on his throat, breaking his airflow for a whole five seconds as he stares, utterly floored. "... y/n?"

"...hey?" you look sheepish, holding a small, one-cake-slice-sized box in your hand. he's known you long enough to know that you did your makeup on the fly— the tremble of your eyeliner is a sure giveaway. "... uh... is this a bad time? cause i can come back later—"

"no!" he blurts, hands slamming onto the door frame. he hadn't caught a glimpse of you in six months, ever since that fateful night when you walked out through the same door you were now standing in front of. there wasn't a single night in those six, grueling months that he didn't think about you, or the warm feeling of having you contained within his arms. sure, there were nights when you two fought, heading to bed with your backs faced to each other— but when morning came, you would somehow be in his arms, and somehow kei just knew that things would blow over.

except maybe they didn't.

left with too much time to think, he analyzed every little argument the two of you ever had, critically examining every word he uttered. perhaps the break was needed— the two of you needed to take a step backwards, re-assessing what you two wanted for each other, what you two wanted together. what you said that night hadn't be wrong— there were just too many issues being swept under the rug, too many things you weren't communicating about, too many problems he elected to ignore, in hopes that they would just 'blow over'.

"i mean," he clears his throat, lifting his hand off the doorframe, groaning at the paint scratch he caused. "would... would you like to come in?"

mentally, he smacks his forehead. you don't need permission to enter! in his mind, kei still considers the apartment your home, too. even if you haven't stepped foot within its grounds for half a year.

"if that's okay?" you smile softly, holding up your cake box. "you've probably had some already, but i bought your favorite. if you're full, you could have it tomorrow morning, before work?"

"no, no, i'm not that full." kei instantly assures, even though he's already brushed his teeth. on normal circumstances, he would leave it for the next morning, but what was brushing his teeth one more time if he got to talk to you for the first time in over a hundred-eighty days?

you narrow your eyes at him playfully. "don't lie to me, tsukishima kei. i can smell your toothpaste. i'll leave it in the fridge."

a fond smirk dances over his lips as you brush past him into your apartment, leaving your shoes where you always do on the shoe rack. the sound of your sock-clad feet padding past the living room brings a truckload of tension that kei didn't know he had off his shoulders, and all of a sudden, the house feels a thousand times cozier, even if nothing materialistic has changed.

he watches you from the sofa as you bustle around the kitchen, and he knows by the number of beeps on the electric stove that you're boiling water for tea— green, probably. the ration of tea packets are restocked regularly, because when you moved in, you brought your tea addiction with you, too. kei's been lured into drinking it on a daily basis, right after dinner, as a way of calming himself down after a day of work and practice. typically, tea would be accompanied with you, snuggled up against his side as he complained about the kids he met at work that day (you both knew that he had a secret fondness for them, but shhh).

"i hope you don't mind. i made tea." you say, bringing the glass teapot you were adamant on buying a year ago. it was one of the best purchases kei ever made in the apartment, because he was reminded of the worth every single time the two of you did your regular tea routine.

"of course i don't mind." he replies instantly, picking up his mug (the green one with tiny dinos on the edge). "this is still your home, too. you don't have to ask to do anything."

he pretends not to see the flash of surprise across your features.

"right." you murmur, pressing your mug onto your lips, blowing gently on the surface.

the two of you sit in silence for a while, sipping on your tea as the clock ticks onto eleven o' clock. suppressing the urge to ask you to stay, kei taps the surface of his porcelain cup rhythmically, forgetting that you know all his tells, front to back.

"is there something on your mind?" you ask gently, setting your mug down. he grimaces.

"ah... it's nothing." kei brushes off, not wanting to come onto you too quickly. for all he knew, you were just here to deliver the cake, not to reignite whatever was left of the relation he let simmer for too long...

"... right." the tone of your voice spells i-know-you're-lying-to-me,-but-i'll-let-it-go-for-now.

the silence continues, like a set prolonged. it's starting to get on kei's nerves when you (thankfully) speak again.

"happy birthday."

"thank you." even though he's said those words a thousand times that night, it sounds a comparatively much less robotic than it had for the previous thousand times. perhaps it was thousand-first time's the charm. "i mean it. thank you for coming over."

you wave it off. "i couldn't have not come. tadashi sent me an invite, but my boss needed me to work late and i didn't manage to make it."

ah, so that was why his best friend routinely glanced at the entrance nervously throughout the night. that explained a lot.

"i don't mind." kei takes a sip of his green tea, enjoying the warmth that courses through his chest. it isn't warmer than the warmth you give him, though. "i like it like this. ... just the two of us, i mean."

you contemplate him for a moment. "i like it like this, too." you confess quietly, as if whispering a childhood secret to him behind the karasuno gym.

he couldn't bear it any longer. he's always been patient, yes, but he's seen the looks his mother and brother threw him through the night, because they both knew that the one person that really mattered wasn't there. he was pretty sure his mother was just about to introduce him to some random girl before he excused himself for the night.

"will you stay?" he blurts, feeling very un-tsukishima-kei-like. it isn't like him at all, to be brash, and bold, but how can he? for the past four hours, he's talked to countless people— heck, half of them were volleyball celebrities— but not the one he wanted to talk to.

"do you want me to?" you ask softly, shyly, and kei knows that you're thinking if he wants you back— which is stupid, honestly. he knows that you're always thinking that you're lucky to have him, when it should be the other way around. kei doesn't think there's anyone else willing to put up with his dry humor, his hectic schedule, and his dinosaur memorabilia. if anything, he should be the one thanking the gods for letting him have you.

"don't be stupid." he snaps, cringing internally at how his tone came off. "of course i want you to stay, you're the best thing that happened to me. i won't force you, but—"

"i left some clothes here, right?" you cut him off with a hum, and when kei looks into your eyes, he just knows.

there's still a long, long, long way for the two of you to go. there's still plenty of things he needs to learn. there's a pile of issues in the store room that needed to be tended to.

for every million arguments there are a billion conversations where you two need to sit down and work out the knots. for every insecurity, for every misunderstanding, for every conflict, there is a needed effort to clean up the mess properly instead of just sweeping it under the floorboards. but for every tangle there lies between the two of you, there is a universe of room to grow, and change.

kei knows he's willing to make an effort, for you. kei knows that he's willing to do anything to make sure you don't walk out that door without looking back again. kei knows he's willing to do every single thing he can do (and can't) to make it work.

he knows.

he looks into your eyes, and he smiles.

everything is going to be alright.

haikyuu!! taglist: @ryuiki @hikari-writes @whootwhoot @folkloeren @definitely-yours @rirk-ke @cemeiia @animegirlweeb @mitzwinchester @fandomsgotmefucked

[isagisyoichi]

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!

SYNOPSIS: niko as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: niko ikki aka my boyfriend hello

WARNINGS: swearing, pretend all the boys go to the same school and they're all friends for plot, normalize not writing serious boys as someone that practically hates their s/o and never opens up to them god bless, also no such thing as ooc since we dunno shit ab him so everything i say is law. SUPER LONG LOL, it's like 2k+ words 😭

A/N: i love my boyfriend and i'm v happy about all the attention he's getting (even if he will prob will b subbed out 👎) this was fun to write bc i think he would b very soft as bf and also i hate the notion that stoic and serious = boring and detached in a relationship. also first post w the new user yayyyy rip yoichisagis an end of an era for realsies.

FOR: fox anon my beloved this one is for u😩

it takes a while for you two to get together, just because niko wants to think things through and be sure he’s making the right decision, as well as him being naturally apprehensive about this whole dating thing.

when you do eventually start going out, keep in mind you're probably his first real anything, so-

niko needs to take it slow for the first month or so because he needs time to adjust and get used to being in a relationship.

when he gets comfortable around you, niko starts to talk a lot more.

niko starts to talk about his interests more-soccer, stem stuff (idc i'll die by my hc that he's a stem boy), etc. and niko's really happy that you're genuinely interested in what he has to say :)

and as your relationship progresses, niko becomes more inclined to share his inner thoughts.

“this song is so bad, i hate it and how it's everywhere,” like, babe that sucks, but what do you want me to do, take it off the radio myself? 😭

you find out that niko’s kind of a hater LOL, but it’s okay, because it means he can be himself around you <3 and the mini debates you have with each other are fun.

he’s someone you can take shopping with you if you need a solid second opinion.

“ikki, is this cute?” you niko as you adjust the shirt you tried on in the fitting room mirror.

“no.” he’s so straight up LOL. “the blue one from earlier was better.”

“this one?”

“yeah, that one. you look really pretty in it.”

ngl though, niko’s not much of a mall person. he'd just follow you around like a little puppy LOL, but he doesn't mind too much because it's for you.

communication is important to niko!!!!! he wants someone that he can have real conversation about the things that matter to him, so he rly makes an effort to have that kind of connection with you.

niko's naturally funny but he isn't aware that he is lol.

but when he does try, i feel like his humor comes in the form of sarcasm and dry wit. likes poking fun at you here and there with a lighthearted jab.

"you're so weird, y/n," is the most common one.

niko’s naturally closed off emotionally (male aquarius 😒) but i, personally, think he’d really try and push himself to be more open with you, especially if you expressed for him to do so </3

he'd be really appreciative of someone patient and understanding of the fact that he doesn't open up easily, though.

but eventually, you become the person closest to him- niko confides in you a lot, which he’s grateful for because he usually holds everything in.

not one for pda or other lovey-dovey things in public, other than the occasional holding of hands but behind closed doors, niko’s so soft around you, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

also, i feel like niko’s real handsy with you, i get the vibe he’s super touch starved 😭

although it does take him a while to get used to physical affection, once he has, niko cannot get enough. he’s always touching you when he has no real reason to.

(and because you're his first relationship, i feel like it’s just natural that niko’s going to be kind of clingy towards you.)

“you okay, ikki?” you ask as niko suddenly wraps his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“mhm,” he mumbles. “just wanna be close to you.”

niko likes when you sit on his lap when he’s on his computer. you can have your arms wrapped around his neck, your head resting in the crook of his neck, or you could just be on your phone or whatever, it doesn’t matter, niko just likes you near him.

you guys don’t really talk to each other when you do this, aside from niko occasionally checking up on you and asking if you need anything from him.

but other than that, you guys just enjoy each other's touch in silence. it’s one of his favorite things to do with you.

however, if you start kissing him in the middle of whatever he’s doing and keep it up for long enough, niko will drop everything to make out with you right then and there (also one of his favorite things to do with you).

speaking of kissing- you kiss niko first.

niko would try to plan your guys first kiss out because he wants everything to be perfect.

but, he ends up taking forever to execute it because he keeps overthinking and you can only wait so long before kissing him, so you take matters into your own hands.

his kisses are sloppy and juvenile at the beginning, but he’s smart and learns quickly what you do and don’t like.

likes being kissed on his jaw and forehead the most :')

if the team ever happens to see niko kissing you, they're gonna be so annoying 😭

"yooo niko's making big moves ‼️" "my son's growing up on me!😩" "good job *pats on the back*" and niko is red all over as he drags you away from them, muttering about how childish and annoying they are 😭.

but, they're all very supportive of you guys, even if they're embarrassing as hell 🙄.

they even give niko relationship advice- which luckily, he doesn’t follow (most of the time), because, let’s be honest, if you're getting unsolicited dating tips from a bunch of teenage boys, it’s probably bad 😭.

you’re the only person niko shows his forehead to. just know that having the opportunity to see it means that niko trusts you more than anyone else :’)

repay his trust by kissing his forehead lovingly and showering him with compliments whenever you can !!!!!!!!!!

“y/n, why’re you so embarrassing,” niko says under his breath, blushing as you hold his face and litter soft kisses on his forehead, rambling about how cute he is.

always looks for you in the bleachers when he has a game and you’re always the first person he talks to after.

and the fact that you make an effort to come as often as you can means sooo much to him. definitely considers you to be his biggest fan.

real classy with nicknames- uses “my love/love,” and “darling,” the most.

his favorite petname from you is "pretty boy." gives him butterflies each time he hears it.

the first time you call him that, he's confused, but after you explain that being called pretty is basically the highest compliment a boy can receive, he gets all soft on you.

only uses instagram to like and comment on your pictures and that's it 😭.

comments stuff like “you're so pretty” and "beautiful," without any emojis because niko refuses to use them LOL.

remembers the compliments you give him! they help with his self esteem and i feel like he values your opinion a lot.

so, tell him all about how cute and smart and talented and hot and funny he is and how much you love him and he'll replay it in his head 24/7.

i think he prefers to be the big spoon, unless he's sad- then he really wants you to hold him.

niko gives me homebody vibes, so expect relaxed dates, but still nice, yk?

what i mean is niko's not gonna take you out to get gas station food and call it a day 😭 he's classier than that and he always puts in effort towards dates.

he always plans them ahead of time and takes into consideration what he thinks you'd enjoy. and he insists on paying 🤗.

but, niko always does something special for days like your birthday or an anniversary, like go somewhere fancy if you wanted to or buy a nice gift you've been eyeing for a while.

helps you with your schoolwork, 100%. most of the time niko tutors you because he wants you to actually learn the material, but if you're feeling lazy and just wanna get it over with, niko will just give you the answers.

this is a big deal because i love him and all but, niko gives me the vibe he's super stingy with his work 😭.

"this is the last time i'm going to just give you the answers, y/n." niko sighs out. "you have to start doing your homework by yourself."

niko's said that dozen of times but he's still giving you the answers free of charge. can you guys say #whipped 🤣?

LOL speaking of school, if you ever text him during class, i highly doubt that niko would entertain you 😭😭 (it's out of love, though)

y/n 💗: hiii baby imy 🥰

pretty boy: do your work, y/n.

y/n 💗: ALL I DID WAS SAY HI

pretty boy: pay attention.

y/n 💗: fine ur so lame 👎

pretty boy: whatever you say. i miss you too, by the way.

he likes to moves your hair out your face because he wants to see your pretty face better.

which is why you have to do the same with him 🥰!!!!!! makes him blush like crazy.

gets soooo soft when you post him or even take pictures of you and him together :') just the thought of you wanting to show him off makes him soooo happy.

he won't entertain you if you make a tiktok, though LOL. he's very stubborn in his belief that it's stupid.

just stands in the background with his arms crossed if you try to make him do a dance or something 😭 (he does think you look cute, though).

niko has such nice eyelashes but i doubt he's aware of it 'cause he's, y'know, a boy 🙄.

"my eyelashes are ... cute?" he questions. niko wasn't even aware that such a trivial thing like his eyelashes could be considered cute.

"yes, oh my god," you gush. "they're so long and nice, i wish mine were like that," you groan, examining yours through the camera of your phone.

"you're so weird, y/n," he says, a blush staining his cheeks. "your eyelashes are nicer," he mumbles as he kisses your forehead.

he's one of those people that prefers to be alone, but you're the exception. you know?

niko likes to keep to himself most of the time, but that whole thing doesn't apply to you, because he'd choose to be with you over being alone anytime :')

[qqueenofhades]

Hi. You made a post a couple of days ago about how queer historical fiction doesnt need to be defined only by homophobia. Can you expand on that a bit maybe? Because it seems interesting and important, but I'm a little confused as to whether that is responsible to the past and showing how things have changed over time. Anyway this probably isn't very clear, but I hope its not insulting. Have a good day :)

Hiya. I assume you're referring to this post, yes? I think the main parameters of my argument were set out pretty clearly there, but sure, I'm happy to expand on it. Because I'm a little curious as to why you think that writing a queer narrative (especially a queer fictional narrative) that doesn't make much reference to or even incorporate explicit homophobia is (implicitly) not being "responsible to the past." I've certainly made several posts on this topic before, but as ever, my thoughts and research materials change over time. So, okay.

(Note: I am a professional historian with a PhD, a book contract for an academic monograph on medieval/early modern queer history, and soon-to-be-several peer-reviewed publications on medieval queer history. In other words, I'm not just talking out of my ass here.)

As I noted in that post, first of all, the growing emphasis on "accuracy" in historical fiction and historically based media is... a mixed bag. Not least because it only seems to be applied in the Game of Thrones fashion, where the only "accurate" history is that which is misogynistic, bloody, filthy, rampantly intolerant of competing beliefs, and has no room for women, people of color, sexual minorities, or anyone else who has become subject to hot-button social discourse today. (I wrote a critical post awhile ago about the Netflix show Cursed, ripping into it for even trying to pretend that a show based on the Arthurian legends was "historically accurate" and for doing so in the most simplistic and reductive way possible.) This says far more about our own ideas of the past, rather than what it was actually like, but oh boy will you get pushback if you try to question that basic premise. As other people have noted, you can mix up the archaeological/social/linguistic/cultural/material stuff all you like, but the instant you challenge the ingrained social ideas about The Bad Medieval Era, cue the screaming.

I've been a longtime ASOIAF fan, but I do genuinely deplore the effect that it (and the show, which was by far the worst offender) has had on popular culture and widespread perceptions of medieval history. When it comes to queer history specifically, we actually do not know that much, either positive or negative, about how ordinary medieval people regarded these individuals, proto-communities, and practices. Where we do have evidence that isn't just clerical moralists fulminating against sodomy (and trying to extrapolate a society-wide attitude toward homosexuality from those sources is exactly like reading extreme right-wing anti-gay preachers today and basing your conclusions about queer life in 2021 only on those), it is genuinely mixed and contradictory. See this discussion post I likewise wrote a while ago. Queerness, queer behavior, queer-behaving individuals have always existed in history, and labeling them "queer" is only an analytical conceit that represents their strangeness to us here in the 21st century, when these categories of exclusion and difference have been stringently constructed and applied, in a way that is very far from what supposedly "always" existed in the past.

Basically, we need to get rid of the idea that there was only one empirical and factual past, and that historians are "rewriting" or "changing" or "misrepresenting" it when they produce narratives that challenge hegemonic perspectives. This is why producing good historical analysis is a skill that takes genuine training (and why it's so undervalued in a late-capitalist society that would prefer you did anything but reflect on the past). As I also said in the post to which you refer, "homophobia" as a structural conceit can't exist prior to its invention as an analytical term, if we're treating queerness as some kind of modern aberration that can't be reliably talked about until "homosexual" gained currency in the late 19th century. If there's no pre-19th century "homosexuality," then ipso facto, there can be no pre-19th-century "homophobia" either. Which one is it? Spoiler alert: there are still both things, because people are people, but just as the behavior itself is complicated in the premodern past, so too is the reaction to it, and it is certainly not automatic rejection at all times.

Hence when it comes to fiction, queer authors have no responsibility (and in my case, certainly no desire) to uncritically replicate (demonstrably false!) narratives insisting that we were always miserable, oppressed, ostracised, murdered, or simply forgotten about in the premodern world. Queer characters, especially historical queer characters, do not have to constantly function as a political mouthpiece for us to claim that things are so much better today (true in some cases, not at all in the others) and that modernity "automatically" evolved to a more "enlightened" stance (definitely not true). As we have seen with the recent resurgence of fascism, authoritarianism, nationalism, and xenophobia around the world, along with the desperate battle by the right wing to re-litigate abortion, gay rights, etc., social attitudes do not form in a vacuum and do not just automatically become more progressive. They move backward, forward, and side to side, depending on the needs of the societies that produce them, and periods of instability, violence, sickness, and poverty lead to more regressive and hardline attitudes, as people act out of fear and insularity. It is a bad human habit that we have not been able to break over thousands of years, but "[social] things in the past were Bad but now have become Good" just... isn't true.

After all, nobody feels the need to constantly add subtextual disclaimers or "don't worry, I personally don't support this attitude/action" implied authorial notes in modern romances, despite the cornucopia of social problems we have today, and despite the complicated attitude of the modern world toward LGBTQ people. If an author's only reason for including "period typical homophobia" (and as we've discussed, there's no such thing before the 19th century) is that they think it should be there, that is an attitude that needs to be challenged and examined more closely. We are not obliged to only produce works that represent a downtrodden past, even if the end message is triumphal. It's the same way we got so tired of rape scenes being used to make a female character "stronger." Just because those things existed (and do exist!), doesn't mean you have to submit every single character to those humiliations in some twisted name of accuracy.

Yes, as I have always said, prejudices have existed throughout history, sometimes violently so. But that is not the whole story, and writing things that center only on the imagined or perceived oppression is not, at this point, accurate OR helpful. Once again, I note that this is specifically talking about fiction. If real-life queer people are writing about their own experiences, which are oftentimes complex, that's not a question of "representation," it's a question of factual memoir and personal history. You can't attack someone for being "problematic" when they are writing about their own lived experience, which is something a younger generation of queer people doesn't really seem to get. They also often don't realise how drastically things have changed even in my own lifetime, per the tags on my reblog about Brokeback Mountain, and especially in media/TV.

However, if you are writing fiction about queer people, especially pre-20th century queer people, and you feel like you have to make them miserable just to be "responsible to the past," I would kindly suggest that is not actually true at all, and feeds into a dangerous narrative that suggests everything "back then" was bad and now it's fine. There are more stories to tell than just suffering, queer characters do not have to exist solely as a corollary for (inaccurate) political/social commentary on the premodern past, and they can and should be depicted as living their lives relatively how they wanted to, despite the expected difficulties and roadblocks. That is just as accurate, if sometimes not more so, than "they suffered, the end," and it's something that we all need to be more willing to embrace.