#I mean I'm no doctor and even if I was - it's impossible to diagnose someone who's not your patient

[genderqueerdykes]

With money and medical fields, goodness you are correct when you say "the medical field isn't your friend, it's for profit". I'm feeling this effect personally trying to get diagnosed with autism as an afab in her 20s. Already, I have the disadvantages of being an adult and a woman, I had to fight to get on the waiting list, lies thrown straight at my face by incompetent doctors, and even "you're getting a diagnosis for (financial) benefits" from those same terrible doctors. The waiting list time is far too long on the NHS and the price for private is ridiculously expensive. I just want a diagnosis and go on with my day to get the right help I need and all the medical field see is either a nuisance or profit. I hate it so much

i was literally also thinking about autism when i wrote that post, so im extremely glad you decided to send a message about this

that's another huge issue with the medical industry as well. research into autism has only seriously been conducted within the last few decades. like i want to remind people that when autism was first becoming known to the public, people would literally say autism isn't real. autism. something that we very well know to be real these days. i literally used to encounter so many people who would say "autism isn't real because there's no historical evidence before now to prove otherwise."

eventually, the present becomes that time that will be seen as the past. like one day, no studies on a subject exist... but down the road, they happen. just because something isn't being widely acknowledged by the general public doesn't mean it literally doesn't exist.

im so sorry you've been treated like that, holy shit. i would have never in my life even considered someone looking for an autism diagnosis just to get financial assistance? also like. what is wrong wiht an autistic person needing financial assistance. workplaces are designed for allistics, not autistics. you are already going to have an inherent disadvantage in finding employment that you can keep up with and that pays well because workplaces are not designed to accomodate you... at all. even with getting those accommodations, work can still be an absolute nightmare

i am so sorry they've treated you this way. especially when it comes to AFAB people and women, getting an autism diagnosis is nigh impossible. the medical industry gets pissed that whatever help you may need won't go into their pocket, but another organization's instead. autistic people aren't profitable enough. there's no medication specifically for autistic people. they can't push medications and invasive procedures as hard as they can with other conditions. the push is there, but it's not as bad as it is with something like schizophrenia where they can force you into in/outpatient therapy and force you to take medications against your will

i wish you the best of luck in getting your diagnosis. like you said you just want to move on with your life. you shouldn't have to go without the knowledge and resources you need just because it's not profitable enough for the medical complex. it's disgusting. i wish you the best of luck, if you need any help, feel free to come back any time

[meaningofaeons]

I know you must be pretty busy right now considering that you probably have a lot of requests but do you mind writing hanahaki disease au with Gepard and Sampo (separately)? Mb Natasha too if you write for her but that's completely optional! I'm just a sucker for pining 😞 They know reader for a long time but for some reason never made a move (well maybe Sampo did but reader thought he was just being his usual flirty self) but then reader got closer to someone else and they misunderstood and got jealous and the whole hanahaki thing happened

Thank you!

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ blooming regrets

⊹ character(s) - gepard landau, sampo koski ⊹ word count - 1.6k ⊹ notes - gn!reader, hanahaki disease (character is diseased, not reader)/mentioned gore, angst just angst I'm sorry, a bit open-ended

hi anon! thanks for the req!! unfortunately I do not write for natasha but I'm happy to do the req for sampo and gepard (=^･ω･^=) I debated between ending this with angst or hurt/comfort but since you didn't specify I went for pure (but a Little open-ended?) angst hoohoo.. sorry it's kinda short ;w; ty again!!

⊹ Gepard Landau

His cough really wasn't a big deal.

He assured his fellow Silvermane Guards, his sister, even the newly-appointed Supreme Guardian Bronya Rand near-daily.

It was a cold. Just got something stuck in his throat. Ah, he just had a drink of water, and it went down the wrong pipe.

The Captain of the Silvermane Guards cannot afford to be unwell, not for a second. If he had a fever, he'd push past it. If he got a headache, he'd keep his focus on the job at hand and ignore his pain. No matter what it was, it wouldn't put him down, and this cough, while persistent, was no exception.

The excuses worked at first, but not for long.

And they certainly didn't work on you.

"I might not know the Supreme Guardian, but surely she's going to listen if I beg for you to be given a break. Ever since the Astral Express crew left, the Fragmentum has receded more than before. Surely you can—"

"Y/N, I told you, it's just a minor cold. I'm fine. Just fine."

You raised a brow.

"This cough has only gotten worse since you first had it, Gepard! That's no simple cold. If you really want me to stop bothering you, at least go to the doctor and get yourself checked out."

In an attempt to appease you, the man had agreed, finding himself trudging to the one place he wanted to avoid.

If the doctor diagnosed him, then it became real that he had some sort of illness, and that would only be a hindrance. Not only to his duties, but to you...

Still, if going to be examined would make you happy... he'd do it.

The man would do anything for you.

And it seems that this was the problem all along.

"M-Mr. Landau..." the physician reentered the room after a short moment to look over his tests, anxiously fiddling with the paperwork. Well, that wasn't a good sign.

"It's okay, I can take it," Gepard answered confidently, folding his hands as he stifled another cough. "Any treatment is fine, as long as I can get back to work as soon as possible."

The physician's face crumbled, and the Captain felt his pulse run cold.

Was it... worse than he thought?

"I'm... I'm terribly sorry, sir. I'm afraid this is not something you may want treated."

What does that even mean?

"Of course I do! Just..." Gepard calmed himself, slumping onto the examination bed again. "Just let me know what it is."

"Sir... you have contracted an incredibly rare disease. With the onset of the Eternal Freeze and the extinction of many botanical-related illnesses and plants, many medical experts considered it impossible for this disease to return, and many wrote it off as gone for good. But..."

He turned a paper containing an x-ray of the Captain's chest.

A small root dug its way up inside his lung, and the blonde froze.

"It's called Hanahaki... and it originates from love. Unrequited love. And the only cure, I fear, is... to have your love for the one that afflicted this removed for good."

—

Against all odds, Gepard had taken the time off that he desperately needed.

Though Supreme Guardian Bronya was shocked at first by his submission to the advice of everyone around him, she could not bring herself to question the man when he coughed again—seeing that crimson red sprout up that he desperately tried to hide.

Knowledge that hanahaki was still in existence would bring panic to the masses. Gepard knew this. He kept himself hidden, out of sight. Not even to see you did he leave his home.

After all, even that simple action alone would hasten his disease.

He still had a duty. He told himself that over and over, slamming it into his mind. The surgery to remove the roots was all but essential.

Gazing out of the Landau home's window, seeing you walking down the street with a smile on his face... his heart panged, though.

He couldn't do it.

Loving you was painful, but the thought of losing that emotion towards you wrought even further pain upon him.

It was then that he saw a stranger at your side. Well, not quite—he'd seen them around with you before, talking to you, laughing with you, taking your hand as they led you around town.

Just as they did in that moment.

An uncomfortable feeling rose in Gepard's throat, and he began hacking into his hand once again, collapsing as he clutched the windowsill for stability.

A small, blood-soaked periwinkle fell right into his waiting hand.

Yet somehow, it felt as though his chest hurt for reasons far deeper than the flowers taking hold of his lungs with each passing moment.

⊹ Sampo Koski

Sampo wasn't one to instill concern in anyone.

Even for those who genuinely cared for him, though they were few and far between, it was always the same thought.

"It's Sampo. What could possibly happen to him?"

Of course, there's always the joking thought that one day, all his disgruntled customers and scammed victims will come back to wreak vengeance. But really, this happened every other week.

And Sampo was always fine.

So, when he sat in front of a very distraught Natasha, something felt terribly, horribly wrong.

"H-Heyyy, Nat! Come on, now, you can tell Sampo all the details of this little cough!" he chuckled, though it was punctuated by said hacking. "It can't be too bad, eh?"

Usually, his joking would elicit even just a small chuckle from the woman. But she nearly trembled when picking up her notes, rereading them over and over as though to confirm the information she already knew.

"Sampo..." she murmured. "Is there... someone you love?"

Though he could crack another jest, ask if Miss Natasha of all people was coming onto him, he saw the look in her eye, and swallowed another choke.

"Erm..."

Of course, in spite of his hesitation in speech, his mind had none at all.

Your face came to mind at once, bright, smiling, overjoyed. The way your brow would pull when he got into a scuffle and came to you all banged up, or the way you'd laugh at his latest scheme to trick some no-good vagrants into a 'package deal' scam.

Your energy, your voice, your touch. Everything flooded into his senses, and he smiled despite himself, despite the situation.

"Well..."

"If you're thinking of lying, save it," Natasha managed a strained laugh. "I think we both know from that silly grin that you have someone in mind. And I know... I think I know exactly who it is."

"But what've they got to do with my 'lil cold? Don't tell me... My only cure is to have my beloved Y/N nurse me back to health?!" Sampo clasped his hands together, making goo-goo eyes at Natasha.

He had assumed the mood to be lightened, but her eyes only darkened again.

"Sampo... this disease... it's—"

Her prognosis was punctuated by another cough from the conman—this time wet, uncomfortable, as blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He was about to continue her sentence for her to throw in a joke, to reassure him that he was used to such minor amounts of blood, when something rose up his throat and into his mouth, cutting off his words.

Loosening his jaw, a purple and pink hyacinth landed right in his palm. Natasha was so pale, she might as well have been a ghost.

"What's..."

For once in his life, even the Sampo Koski was stumped.

"Hanahaki..." Natasha whispered, covering her mouth.

"What?!" Sampo's head snapped up, flicking between the doctor and the flower. "That's... That's a myth that kids get told so they confess their feelings quicker, so they don't chicken out. C-Come on, Miss Nat, that's not—"

She shook her head, and Sampo paused, staring at the flower.

"I've gotta clear my head."

"Sampo!"

The conman was to his feet in an instant, speed-walking out of the clinic faster than he ever thought his legs could take him. He didn't really know where he needed to go, but he knew he had to see you.

Seeing your face would put that warm, fuzzy, butterfly-like feeling right back in his chest. It would replace all this pain crawling into his lungs, his throat, not worsen it.

But when he saw you approach with your friend in tow, it felt like his chest had been stabbed straight through.

"Sampo! I heard you saw Nat today. You okay?"

"Y-Yeah!" Sampo was quick on the uptake, hiding the flower and swiping a hand over his mouth swiftly in case of any leftover blood. "You know me, just'a coupl'a bangs and scrapes from the latest 'customer'. You know how it is for ol' Sampo!"

You chuckled lightly.

"Well, that's good. Just don't go scamming any good people now, huh?" Your friend tugged your arm, giving Sampo an apologetic smile—something that dug up an even more foreign emotion within him. "Ah, right. I'm sorry, Sampo, we have plans today. But let's spend some time at the Great Mine some other time, huh?"

"No problemo! Sampo never skimps out on plans, and he never leaves a friend hanging! I'll see you then, Y/N."

You left with one last laugh and a smile.

Sampo's own smile slowly fell the moment you vanished from view... and he stared at the pink-and-purple hyacinth in his hand.

He recalled what they meant when Natasha had told him once, explaining all the intricacies of flower language if he were to ever give a 'special someone' a bouquet one day...

Joy, fresh starts, new love... But the purple?

That could only mean regret.

The conman threw the flower to the ground and stalked away, but not before trampling the bud.

As if he could ever regret something like loving you.

[bi-kisses]

I wanted to thank you for the post you just made about detrans people, I really needed to hear that support right now since we don't really get much empathy these days. People just talk about us as statistics and bargaining chips and not really as people, it feels like. I won't pretend to know everything about the detrans/desist circles since I'm still new to it myself but I've experienced enough that so far anytime I see someone talking about detrans it's usually to win arguments or they only talk about misdiagnosed detransitioners, and those of us who were correctly diagnosed and are and always have been sex dysphoric get ignored. I guess we don't really 'fit' anyone's argument well enough for them to want to acknowledge us. It's a really sucky life to live for lack of a more formal wording; the only treatment that's really out there for this dysphoria is transitioning and when it doesn't work, it's a very bleak way to live. I never really understood why some people years into their transitions are still nearly as miserable as before they started or still attempt suicide, but now I do. I don't mean to vent or traumadump too much, for a little context as insight on a personal example: I had an unsuccessful transition. I was transitioned as a minor and now in my 20s I suffer from health complications, mostly regarding my heart and hemoglobin and all that (I've had heart palpitations/irregular heartbeat since I was 19 or 20), and I can no longer continue medically transitioning unless I want to see an early cardiac arrest or death from its worsening. The doctors that gave me transition treatment will not give me detransition treatment nor referrals so I'm on my own now. Not to mention I am stuck looking like a teenage boy and will never be able to look like a fully grown man which causes a lot of dysphoria and pain since the only reason I transitioned was to be a man, not to be a forever teenager. I don't regret the transition's effects of masculinizing me, if anything I wish there were more, but it's been 10 years so there's no more to be gained. At this point if I detransitioned fully I don't think I'd look like a woman either so I'm pretty much stuck suffering no matter what I do or don't do next in terms of continuing or stopping social aspects of my transition. I'm not sure if it's because I was transitioned too young or because I just have shit genes, but this is my situation and it is permanent.

Anyway, I'm sure there are many other detransitioners/desistors out there like me in similar situations. It's our lives, our realities, and it's a lot of suffering to have ignored and not have much support for. Not to mention how it's pretty much impossible to talk to friends and family about for fear of them lashing out that they think you 'betrayed' them or 'lied' or 'made a stupid mistake' so we don't have a lot of safe places to talk about this kind of thing. I even feel like I have to stay on anon to be able to safely talk about this here.

My heart goes out to you, and idk if it's any comfort but I have for sure seen several people in similar situations where they ARE dysphoric and would love to live as the opposite sex but it just isn't viable. Usually it's seen with trans women, as transitioning from male to female is notoriously luck dependent genetically speaking, but health issues have impeded trans guys I've known too.

I can't believe you aren't able to receive medical support for your detransition, that's fucking awful and those doctors should be held accountable for not providing what is, imo, a necessary service to help you live in a comfortable and healthy manor.

I'm not detrans, but I have a pretty fucking irritating health condition that makes my day to day really uncomfortable. I totally understand that helplessness. Doctors have been useless to me so far (I'm on, like, my third different specialist just hoping this one figures out what's wrong). Sometimes all we can do is figure out what works so that each day is worth getting through, even if we can't live in an ideal way.

Lots of love for you and I hope things get better soon. Feel free to reach out anytime.

[bee-ina-boat]

Being a middle support needs autistic is. Is weird.

My neeeds are always changing and i constantly feel like I'm not autistic enough because i don't experience certain things that others do. That just because the situation I'm in right now accomodates for me to have my alone time and take care of myself it feels like I'm not even middle support needs because i don't feel like I'm struggling 24/7

But that's not TRUE. the situation I'm in, my family takes care of most of the basics in the house. If i was put in an apartment on my own? I would not at all be able to live. My work is babysitting a couple of kids for only a small amount of time every week day where my mom isn't too far away and that's IT. I tried working a regular customer service job and i barely had to do anything and i still quit within the first 3 days because i couldn't do it. I literally couldn't freaking stand in a store making sure the shelves of a tiny area are neat for a small amount of time without having a meltdown in the bathroom.

I can't leave the house alone. I struggle with communication ALOT even though I can physically talk. my motor skills and spatial awareness suck ass. my brain is so so slow for most things and struggles to retain information or remember basic things. The only reason I passed highschool was because i was online schooled and i CHEATED. everyday tasks and keeping schedules feel impossible sometimes

And i have all these struggles etc. but i feel like i constantly have to justify my problems to myself. It feels like my brain is always downscaling what i experience because there are others who have it worse. But that's NOT HOW IT WORKS. Others who are higher support needs then me existing doesn't mean i have no problems!!!!

I'm so afraid that I'm gonna get told "youre not middle support needs." Because im polite during conversations (even though half the time i space out or say weird things or struggle to even put a sentence together) or because i wasn't diagnosed as a kid (despite missing the context that i WAS visibly autistic as a kid. My doctors just thought it was anxiety. Also afabs are less likely to get diagnosed anyway) or because "i don't look autistic" (what does that even mean??)

I'm just. Now that I've accepted i need this amount of support. I'm reaching a point where everytime someone shares there experience I'm just like "Im not as disabled as them so that means I'm not middle support needs" but it's a spectrum!!!! And everyone experiences different parts of it differently and i DONT KNOW why my brain can't accept that!! hHH

:[ bleh i wish my brain wasn't so mean sometimes ngl

Anyway if anyone else does experience this stuff, just know that while it's hard for us to accept. We are valid and we always will be..you deserve to get the support and help you need and if anyone tells you your experiences are lesser I'm gonna kick em, ilu

[lumens8ite]

what should i do if i strongly suspect i have borderline personality disorder? i’ve been researching it extensively for quite some time and found i have nearly all of the symptoms. the only problem with bringing it up is my fear of being invalidated and told i don’t have it. i don’t necessarily “act” the way a typical person with bpd would, because i internalize most of my outbursts. i know you’re not a therapist and i don’t want to put you in that role but i just feel stuck and like i don’t know what to do.

First and foremost, thanks for the ask! I don't know how old this is, I forget to use Tumblr, but I still want to answer just in case it's relevant to anyone else!

It's clear you have done research, and are at least identifying with multiple symptoms of BPD. The personality disorder has a lot of overlap with other disorders, so it can be confusing, but I think the biggest thing that makes BPD the disorder that it is, is the lack of emotional regulation.

Receiving a diagnosis can be daunting, difficult, and even impossible depending on many factors. Even then, doctors often improperly diagnose. You know yourself better than anyone else, ESPECIALLY if you are feeling your emotions inwardly and not letting them overflow where others can see it.

When I was first identifying myself to BPD, I had a lot of fear and "imposter syndrome" around labeling myself as such. What if people think I'm lying? Everyone always tells me I'm too happy to have such drastic lows. But the truth is, I was just REALLY good at keeping it to myself. That and, no one ever noticed the signs and hints I'd leave. BPD can be very external, where you get in fights a lot and have outbursts and say things you don't mean in the heat of the moment. on the other hand, it can be internal, a war with yourself and how much you hate yourself and everything you do, but blaming no one but yourself for the way you are. I.e, you fight yourself, instead.

Whether you fit one or the other description, or both, you are more than okay to identify yourself as someone with BPD. No one can decide for you what you do and don't feel, think, and experience. Trust yourself, because you are a lot more capable thank you think, and the opinions of others won't matter in a month, year, or years down the line.

I recommend researching mindfulness techniques and DBT therapy techniques. I promise you that if you can practice applying various techniques while you're early on into a breakdown or a spiral of negative thoughts, it will soon rewire your brain and make new pathways for better coping skills. And remember, in the beginning, it's normal to not always successfully evade a breakdown with mindfulness techniques. It takes time to undo the old pathways that have been ingrained in you for a lifetime.

I wish you well! Reach out if you need anything.💛

[lorbanery]

Every time this post crosses my dash I'm struck by a different part of the original quoted messages. This time it was, "It is impossible not to have a screwed up power dynamic."

I've noticed this a lot, and not just in younger folks, that just the EXISTENCE of a power imbalance is seen as inherently abusive. Like, I once heard a fully grown adult talk about the power imbalance between a patient and their doctor as an inherently harmful thing that could be eliminated ... somehow.

Here's the thing folks: "power imbalance" is just a phrase used to identify the general relationship between two or more people. Just like "age difference" or "cultural difference" or "familial", etc etc and so forth. Power imbalances are dynamics that just exist, and there are a lot of different ways that someone can have more power over another person. Being older, sure. Being in a position of authority over someone, yeah. But also just, like, being educated in a relevant subject. Or being part of a community for longer. Or knowing other people with power. Hell even living in a wealthy western country, especially the US.

The power imbalance between a doctor and their patient is just inherent to the relationship. The patient is someone with a problem they don't have the education, skill, or resources to diagnose and treat it; the doctor has all of that, or at least has the connections to send you to someone who does. It's the same kind of power imbalance that exists between you and your plumber or mechanic or even your hairdresser or nail tech.

But just because the power imbalance EXISTS doesn't mean that the relationship you have as a patient and doctor, or an adult and teenager, is inherently abusive. The abuse happens when the person with more power takes advantage of their position, either by withholding their support/help; or by acting in inappropriate ways and allowing their status as the more powerful party to either convince you that the behavior is okay and normal, or scaring you into not speaking up because of the fear of, at best not being believed, at worst the consequences it could have on your own reputation and/or livelihood.

If an adult starts making explicit sexual comments to a teenager, that's a screwed up power dynamic. If an adult schedules a teenager to work past whatever time the local underage labor laws allow and tell them their hands are tied they're so understaffed they really need the help can't you just do it this once? That's a screwed up power dynamic. If an adult starts trying to convince a teenager that their family doesn't care about them, that the negative feelings the teenager has are evidence of abuse they just don't remember, and that adult is the only adult who truly cares about them and has their best interests at hear, that's a screwed up power dynamic.

But an adult just existing in the same community as a teenager or child, an adult just talking to a teenager or child about whatever's going on in the kid's life, showing interest in the kid's interests, offering them advice about school or friends or relationships or gender or sexuality or just what movie to go see that weekend or whatever is normal. Yes there is a power imbalance inherent to the situation because one person is an adult and the other is a teenager or child. But just the fact that one of you is over eighteen, or one of you is middle aged, or one of you is a senior, doesn't make the dynamic screwed up.

You need to stop reading bad faith into every interaction people have just because you've heard of situations where similar circumstances were taken advantage of. This is paranoid behavior. The vast majority of people are perfectly capable of interacting with other people with complete normalcy. Without thinking of the other people as potential sexual objects or wallets to empty or whatever. You think that assuming everyone of [demographic] who interacts with [other demographic] is thinking that way is protecting you or the people you care about, but it's not! All it's doing is isolating you more and more from the communities you want to be a part of!

And frankly? It gives the same vibes as the women who see a bit of garbage on the ground next to their car and go online to make breathless posts titled "I WAS ALMOST HUMAN TRAFFICKED!!! NEW HUMAN TRAFFICKING TECHNIQUE!!!! SPREAD THIS LIKE WILDFIRE TO PROTECT YOURSELVES AND THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIVES!!!!!". Or that tiktok of the woman going through her house showing all of the over-the-top security she adds to her house when her husband goes on a business trip and isn't around to "protect" her.

i think some of you guys are insane 👍 it's actually possible for a 16 year old to be online friends with someone in their 20s. source: teenagers are actually people who can talk to other people about shared interests.

[diabolocracy]

You know what, I'm dropping this rant about the mental healthcare circus clownshow I'd been run around here too. Str8 from a boobtoob comment section,

lol the psychologist i went to put in her shoddy notes (that other doctors can't seem to find half the time?) that she assessed me for adhd. she didn't. the only time she diagnosed me with anything, she took the big ol psyche book and started reading from one page and asking "does this fit?"

and sure, yeah, it did, at the time, while i was on a ssri that the gp put me on when i went at the behest of my brother to ask about autism (something an aunt that sees me a lot also thinks i may have). although he knew my mother had recently passed and i was still, you know, sad, like people tend to be when a family member becomes deceased, … he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety (the general practitioner, the doctor, not a therapist, not a psych) and gave me a script for prozac.

which pretty much zombified me. when i told him this he said, word for word, "that means it's working."

so the psychologist, she saw me and diagnosed me while i was emotionally numbed on a medication i didn't need, and she won't re-assess me.

i went to a different doctor, a nurse practitioner, and she sent me to a different psychologist… not for the second opinion that i wanted. oh, no. it was to "reaffirm" the first one's diagnosis.

so basically a waste of 2.3 hours because the second psychologist is in the city an hour away.

he prescribed me a new medication, welbutrin. turns out i can't take that medication - rather, i'm not taking the risk, thank you. the "not recommended if you have a family history of glaucoma" did not come up in his office. i had to read it on the leaflet that came with the pills.

i still can't focus even on my hobbies. even now i'm procrastinating writing a reply to someone that i WANT to write, by writing this instead. the house is a mess because when i look at the garbage i'm like, oh, i'll take care of that later; no, i never do, but actually getting around to dealing with it feels impossible. just like my hobbies.

i want to draw. my tablet is RIGHT THERE. i'm RIGHT HERE at the computer. i can just reach over and open the program… i have ideas and things i want to draw… but no. i'll do it, sure, after this video. but that video turns into two. three. five hours later i have to walk the dog. i get back. mmm i'll draw… after i check my messages… maybe after i find a good song… oh that video looks cool… oh it's five hours later again. time to sleep.

rinse and repeat. i can't get anything done outside of very rare times i manage to forcibly break through the "mmm maybe after…"

and when i mention my anger issues that are hair-trigger to set off i get brushed away. i say "i had a small breakdown crying and screaming because i messed up my pancakes" or "i threw a heavy object because of a very minor inconvenience" or "i kicked a hole in the door because i was angry over something irrational" or "i tore the cabinet door off its hinges because a very small annoyance made me THAT angry" and i'm met with "oh, but you didn't hurt anyone, did you?" no. not yet. i'd like to get these issues sorted before i do, preferably. seems that won't be happening either though! but hey! at least when it happens i can say i tried!

[aluckiicoin]

"Could it really be that my information was wrong? I'll have to reconsider my sources. You're not only a pretty piece of merchandise for me, if that's what you're implying. I'd like to see you happy, even with someone else, isn't that exactly what I said?"

*It was certainly not what Veritas really meant, but how could he admit that he really was, in fact, jealous?*

"No one else could possibly be willing to give you as much as I am. I don't want you to fall for someone and be used once again. It would be only reasonable to stay as far from Sunday as possible, keep this in mind."

*He means it as a genuine advice, but the remnant of his initial distress is still there. His obsession with Aventurine really is slipping further and further out of his control.*

@veritas-ratio-rp

“Do you really think me incapable of hearing subtext.”, that was truly adding insult to injury. To come at him unfounded, just to deny it later – no, even try to imply Aventurine had just completely misunderstood his intentions.

“Tch.”, he scoffed, eyes turning colder. “I'm not some kind of merchandise – it's what you keep saying. Yet you go out of your way to make sure it feels exactly like that.”, he raised a hand, an accusing finger digging into the taller man's chest.

“What are you willing to give? Huh, tell me Mr. Genius.”, the blonde was finally finding his fighting spirit in between his tiredness.

“Your pride? That you throw away recklessly in fits of jealousy over irrelevant things? Your reputation – my statement that you keep shoving down my throat whenever you get the chance? Your life?! Oh, at this rate I am not doubting you'd jump at the opportunity to sacrifice yourself for one of us and make the remaining, the ones who might actually care a great deal of you, suffer your loss. If, I fall for someone – which does seem impossible – and end up used once again, well, it would show I haven't learned the lesson still. As apparently I haven't done with keeping people away either.”, the remaining words caused him to turn the finger into a flat hand, giving a shove to create more distance again.

“How, pray tell, am I supposed to get anything done on Penacony when your fragile ego wouldn't allow me to deal with the representative of the Family?” All of this made Aventurine desire to do something incredibly reckless. The doctor might not want to hurt him but he was certainly very good at it. To the point the gambler's mind was starting to believe it was on purpose, a pitiful petty way of taking revenge for the blonde's lack of romantic feelings.

Well, he could play that game – and maybe torch that bridge down in the progress. “You should get help, Veritas. Get diagnosed by someone – who is NOT yourself.”

[navalha-kw]

Hey, I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I hope and pray that your surgeon understands your pain and needs and does their best to correct whatever they fucked up. I hope during your consultation they listen to you that you can have the corrective surgery you need to regain your life. I know nothing I say can really calm you down or make you feel better but I just hope that things work out for you and you start to feel better in all aspects of your life. Take care!

Hii thank you for your kind words, it really means a lot to me <3 I'm sorry I'm just, dumping all that stuff here. It's if i dont speak it out or write it down it just keeps on making me insane. I feel like i need a place to just. Say shit i feel and the stuff i have to do to somehow make it more understandable for my brain. I'm slowly learning how to maneuver in this new situation....

It's not THAT bad really, when I try to think logically...

It probably could be worse... it's just the realization that no, this is not the end, I'm not fixed even though I should have been felt like. Well. Felt like the end of the world. I had so much hope and poof, it's gone

I'm stubborn as fuck and I know I CAN and i WILL find ways to live and work and (kinda) exercise around it not to damage myself any more, it's not like i can't move at all, it's not like it hurts a lot for now... Its my future area of expertise and job, I'm just gonna pretend I'm my own patient that I can't mess up...

I know I shouldn't self-diagnose but after so many doctors failed to find a reason why my nerves got messed up symmetrically in both of my hands (they said it's impossible to say) the reason literally came out itself after surgery :/// i hope I will find a surgeon that has seen this before. I'll have to get like an ultrasound done by a very good radiologist to confirm what my symptoms mean, but from the anatomical point of view... yeah im 95% sure im right about this :') I'll probably need to have a part of the triceps' tendon moved from its place and attached to the medial part of it to be able not to shift my whole life around this dysfunction

It's not that bad but it will require a lot of changes and a lot of time will pass before the polish national health fund will get me a term for a revision if someone qualifies me for it, so I guess I have to get used to it amd accept how it is

Good thing, now that I have a high probability of knowing the reason, I can try to work on my right elbow for it not to get this bad, and if it does eventually, at least the doctors will know they'll have to address both issues at once.

But gods, I really hope my surgeon will know what to do (ehhhh) but mostly that he knows or will help me find someone that has more experience with this stuff

Fingers crossed, I see him in 3h 🤞🤞

[pheonix561]

Look, I'm a psych nurse for a living, and this person's conception of psychiatry is just straight wrong.

The biggest mistake people make about psychiatry is assuming that a diagnosis is an invalidation. That if you've been diagnosed with depression, it means a doctor looked at you and said "The problem isn't with everything else, the problem is with you." That's not true. This field is way less "What's wrong with you," and way more "What's happened to you?"

A diagnosis works in a lot of different ways. For example, this other comment about depression and biology,

However, when we say that depression (for example) is not a disease we mean that there is no biological entity---no infectious pathogen, no 'chemical imbalance', no organic lesion, no anatomical defect or physiological malfunction---that is identifiable as a single cause or correlate of depressed states, nor will there ever be.

Is just completely false! Ever seen someone get smacked in the head hard enough that their personality changes forever, and they're just way easier to make angry or miserable for the rest of their life, even after accounting for and treating any resulting PTSD? Ever seen someone develop depression as a result of a brain tumor they never knew they had, in the total absence of other cancer symptoms, and then have the tumor excised, and miraculously their depression is gone? Even after accounting for any kind of cancer-based existential crisis that may have resolved? Physical pathologies occur in or to the brain that cause depression to develop in people, just like they can cause mania, or other symptoms. It happens! And this is to say nothing of the way someone who's survived trauma's brain chemistry becomes altered.

I won't go into further detail on that, because I'm not a physician. I would rather let any of the psychiatrists who prowl tumblr give any more specific examples. But, I still work closely with doctors, and am expected to know that a diagnosis is often also a rule-out; Saying someone has one diagnosis is frequently the same as saying they don't have a different one. That's what doctors are talking about when they talk about "differential diagnosis." Someone will present with symptoms of depression of some kind, and doctors will set about trying to determine the cause. Off the top of my head, in psychiatric diagnoses, common differential diagnoses would be between bipolar-1 and bipolar-2, along with psychosis from substance abuse, schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder, severe depression with psychotic symptoms... All presentations I see pretty regularly at work, and all of which suffer from psychosis as some part of their disease course. I know we're talking about depression here but I"m just busting this answer out.

But hey, that whole answer I just gave is about responding to the notion of a "single cause," or a "physical cause" being impossible, and that there's plenty of pretty great reasons why somebody might be depressed. That's also completely true, and something anyone working in the field is expected to know! In fact, its so simple to understand that I busted out my old digital psych nursing textbook that talks about it in the first damn chapter.

The first thing anyone learns about psychiatry in nursing school is the nature of stress; that that's the key thing, the basic reason why anxiety disorders, psychotic disorders, substance abuse disorders, etc, are all pathological; they cause stress. This being the first chapter of this book, it goes into detail explaining different theories of exactly how to define and explain stress, which sounds easy until you try it.

And god, I'd love to explain this whole chapter because I love talking about stress theory and psychiatric nursing theory, but if I do that I'll never finish writing anything. Long story short, the "Stress as a transaction between the individual and the environment" chapter goes

precipitating event.

Let's say a person loses their job.

2. individual's perception of the event.

Did they like the job? They might be depressed. Did they hate the job? They might be happy about it. Did they need the job? They might be scared for their life. After all, was the job their only key to rent? Health insurance? Do they have other job options? What will they do until then?

The first half of that, the "does this event matter to me or not," Half, is the "Primary appraisal." The second half, "What options and coping skills do I have," is the "secondary appraisal." This version of understanding stress is usually the one that I lean on in my practice as a nurse, but I digress.

3. Predisposing factors.

This is actually measuring the response to the event, despite the name "predisposing." Factors here being Genetic influences (say, prone to anger), Past experiences(prior experience with sudden loss, or lack thereof), existing conditions (rent is due when? How much money is in the bank account?)

There's more in this chapter on simple stress management and non pharmacological interventions, which in this example I've been making up, could range from "listen to calming music" to "getting a new, better job." But the point I want to come back to is that, at no point in this, or really at any point in this book, or my experience in this field both as a patient or as a clinician, have I seen psychiatry used to "blame" someone! Which is even weirder because what the fuck is this??

i think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that calling something a disease means that no one can 'blame the patient' for it. in fact i would say it would be difficult to name a disease that doctors, state authorities, and society at large does NOT blame on patients.

This answer is just complete nonsense. People get diseases all the goddamn time out of the fucking blue. Whether they're born with them as a result of a genetic whoopsie, or just spontaneously develop them as they grow, it happens. I simply cannot wrap my head around the notion that I would blame someone for having cystic fibrosis, or cerebral palsy. Any clinician, in any position, who does that, is definitely a weirdo, and an outlier, and doesn't need to be a clinician.

When I first entered this field, I was really worried that maybe there was some kernel of truth to the things people sometimes say about the practice. But since entering this field, I've learned psychiatry is not a field of being one of the state's ways of coldly manipulating disenfranchised people into being governable. It's way more accurate to say it's a field about trying very hard to help sick people, and wanting the state to either give us more resources with which to do it right, or fuck off.

People would still experience depression in a post-capitalist world. They would still develop schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder, and dementia. People would still suffer TBI's. People would still develop personality disorders. Medications still might be magic cures for one patient and seemingly useless to another. And, I've treated just enough psychotic patients from africa to comfortably theorize that the notion that schizophrenia is just a "western culture" thing is probably completely bogus. Psychiatry is the practice of trying to help all these people live their lives, not make them conform.

Hey, I've been delving into anti psychiatry readings but one thing always stands out to me: if there is no underlying disease behind a depressive state, for example, how does that new paradigm not end up placing the blame on the patient? I ask in good faith as I still don't have a clear answer on that regard, and would like to have better conversations about this topic that don't end when people tell me of a close relative with depression who has seemingly had a life free of traumas that could otherwise present as depression.

-materialist (marxist) anti psychiatry identifies the root 'cause' or basis of psychological experiences in the economic and material conditions of existence. depression or other forms of distress, just like other affective states, derive fundamentally from the world we live in, our political situation, the material alienation of estranged labour that underlies 'alienation' the psychological state. this doesn't mean that resolving the contradictions of capitalism (that is, workers' revolution) will magically eliminate all sources of distress, depression, or other currently pathologised experiences. however, it would certainly resolve / eliminate some distress for some people; additionally, it is the only way to overcome the capitalist paradigm that values people by their adherence to a normative standard of ability, which is what renders depressed people (for example) economically marginalised 'failed citizens'

-keeping the above in mind, i would question whether there is really such thing as a person who 'has no trauma' ie, has no material basis for alienation, depression, or distress. capitalism is an estranging system, including for the owner class (though of course this occurs in a different way to the labouring class, and i am not suggesting that the bourgeoisie are the 'victims' of capitalism or some such)

-none of the above is mutually exclusive with the role that an individual's neurobiology plays in their subjective or psychological state. like any base/superstructure phenomenon, the relationship is dialectical, with the material base generally dominating, but both acting on and being affected by superstructural phenomena. economic and material conditions lead to subjective experiences such as depressions; these experiences are also instantiated in, reacting to, and reacted upon by the physiological processes in the brain/body. however, when we say that depression (for example) is not a disease we mean that there is no biological entity---no infectious pathogen, no 'chemical imbalance', no organic lesion, no anatomical defect or physiological malfunction---that is identifiable as a single cause or correlate of depressed states, nor will there ever be; the psychiatric label is a heuristic catch-all applied to a constellation of experiences (symptoms) that are varying degrees of disagreeable to individuals (patients) as well as to medical and state authorities

-i think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that calling something a disease means that no one can 'blame the patient' for it. in fact i would say it would be difficult to name a disease that doctors, state authorities, and society at large does NOT blame on patients

-i also think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that there is a dichotomy between neurobiological diseases and things that are individual faults or failings. in fact i would posit that most subjective experiences, including of distress, are neither

[intersex-questions]

How often do you think intersex variations, especially ones considered really rare, go undiagnosed? I remember seeing someone talking about ovotesticular syndrome & saying that people make it out to be rarer than it is. I imagine medical intersexism is responsible for a lot of misdiagnoses/ignored symptoms/erasure & causing people to avoid getting diagnosed in the first place

Oh gosh yeah, I think they're super underdiagnosed. I'm pretty confident ovotestes are not that uncommon as I've known several people who thought they were perisex only to learn they have ovotestes, on their own, without a doctor.

There's a lot of intersex conditions that don't have adverse health effects, and when things are like that (so like, asymptomatic), they're rarely diagnosed.

In general, doctors don't like to diagnose things unless it's impacting your health. Like I'm intersex, but even if I wanted to get a diagnosis for it, it'd probably be impossible or incredibly expensive as I have little to no health issues from being intersex.

Even common intersex conditions like hyperandrogenism and PCOS are incredibly underdiagnosed.

I think some rare conditions are probably diagnosed more accurately if they're ones that can cause death without treatment especially at birth, but "diagnose" is a stretch as many doctors will hide the diagnosis, lie about it, etc.

But a lot, especially anything without major adverse health effects, are probably incredibly underdiagnosed. I see the claim and accepted fact that ovotestes are incredibly rare when, in my experience, outside of intersex spaces, I've met many people who've learned they have ovotestes. I've met many perisex people I've helped realize they were intersex.

And unfortunately, even good doctors are subject to intersexism due to the fact it shapes their knowledge, available tools, and the fact it shapes the system they work in. I've had doctors who want to help me in terms of being but can't.

PCOS affects like, at least 7-10% of cis women (this statistic might include people who aren't women with uteruses that can develop PCOS as well, unsure). And if you're in more open intersex spaces, you'll learn that yeah, PCOS is intersex. But medical professionals and sometimes even intersex people don't want to accept this because it means a LOT more people would be intersex. It means intersex people would have more power, but it also means there's intersex people who won't want to be or hate other intersex people despite being intersex.

Hyperadrogenism affects at least about 5% of cis women (and I don't know if this statistic includes other people who were assigned female at birth but don't identify as women, similar as above). Which includes many women with PCOS, but many women without it as well.

Clitoromegaly and micropenises aren't really that uncommon either (~0.5% for cis men iirc), and micropenises are a really well-known intersex condition (and one of the ones subject to incredible amounts of casual intersexism, I mean, how often do you hear jokes making fun of micropenises?).

And that's just talking about common ones that are definitely underdiagnosed??? And there's probably even more intersex conditions we don't even know about!

But basically, I think they're underdiagnosed all the time. I think there's a false narrative from some people in the intersex community that if you're intersex, it'll almost definitely have been found out by doctors by the time you hit puberty, and likely before then. And that if it wasn't medically hidden from you, you didn't go through medical issues from it...you're not actually intersex.

Which is crazy to me! I have ovotestes and hyperandrogenism, and I've never been diagnosed! My doctors had no idea! So I'm already one of those people with a "rare" condition by not included in those statistics!

I'm not a statistics person nor do I have a lot of knowledge on the medical field but I wouldn't be surprised if like, 10% of people were intersex. Considering that PCOS already affects like 10% of cis women (or people who were AFAB, potentially)...that's not even accounting for all the other intersex conditions cis women (or people who were AFAB) can have. And women/people who were AFAB are like, y'know, about half the population...

Like, queer people (outside of intersex people) are only a "small percent" of the population, but it's kinda obvious that's not true and it's much higher than that considering how many people must be closeted AND how many people who don't realize and never get to realize they're queer.

TLDR; I think they're super underdiagnosed in a significant chunk of the population, especially rare ones. I can't say any numbers for sure but it's definitely high.

[quietzap]

.

[the-magpie-archives]

You see, Martin says 'I grieved for you' to Jon, but this doesn't do justice for just what he would have gone through.

As most people know, having a loved one in hospital is horrible, but Jon's case is an entirely different thing. Assuming Jon was initially taken to a hospital in Great Yarmouth, it would've taken Martin a while to get there, even if he left right away. He might have missed Jon's emergency treatment, but he certainly didn't miss the worst of it.

Many people assume that CPR is a quick, simple, lifesaving procedure, it is not. Jon was found not breathing, and without a pulse, so he would have had at least 20 minutes straight of CPR, and that messes up a body. On a person as weak as Jon it would badly break ribs, and cause a lot of bruising. Even if Martin didn't have to watch Jon's chest be crushed to no avail, that type of damage is often visible.

I don't know if you've ever seen a dead body, but it's different to an unconscious one in every way. Jon of course, was not dead, but he would absolutely look it. As I'm sure you know, blood being pumped is what keeps the body warm, and breathing accounts for a large part of what we perceive as living, so the absence of both of these, especially in a loved one, is jarring, and likely to send anyone into shock

In lots of TV shows you see doctors calling deaths, but in reality it's actually quite a difficult thing to diagnose. It's not a quick check of the pulse and you're done, there's a lot of tests; there are many conditions that can look like death. In Jon's case his mind and nerves were still active, meaning it would have been picked up on fairly quickly, but Jon would have been assumed dead until these tests were completed.

The thing with a case like this, is there's nothing the doctors can feasibly do; as Elias says, it's an unknown quantity. The most likely course of action would be to make him as comfortable as possible, and redo the death checks every so often. There would be no hope for his recovery, but legally the hospital would have to do this, and would be able to offer very little comfort.

Although of course you want your loved one to survive, many family members of coma patients confess to hoping that they'd just die. The limbo of waiting is impossible to process, and having them there but having no way to communicate with them can be excruciating. There's no way to properly grieve for someone if you always have it in the back of your mind that they could wake up.

Giving up on someone like that is terribly and awfully painful. You can tell them you're sorry all you want, but you'll always be thinking about how they'd have wanted you to stay. Having to create both sides of an interaction like that when truly you're in control of neither is simply impossible to recover from.

Every action Martin took after Jon's death was justified, logical, even. To succumb to the lonely after leaving the man you love, sentencing him to die alone?

It feels right.

[geekns]

I just recently realized that people assume that I'm bi or a lesbian on the regular. I am a tomboy, yes, but I have always known that I am female and embraced that. But as someone with ADD (and possibly autism, though my doctors refuse to formally diagnose), there is a reason why I do not wear my hair long, do my makeup every day, or always shave my legs. There's a reason why I wear comfortable clothing and shoes, etc., and unfortunately that usually means a more masculine wardrobe even if I'm wearing the version marketed to women.

For one thing, makeup is expensive, no one is touching my legs but me, and it is extremely difficult to find flattering feminine clothing in my size. Like impossible. I love wearing dresses and skirts but I can't find them in fabrics that don't give me rashes. Long hair gives me headaches and is hot and hair squicks me out. I have a hard enough time getting out of bed and doing all my tasks without constantly being distracted by an ill-fitting bra or the fact that people can see my cleavage.

But if I'm not constantly doing the performative aspects of being female, apparently I'm masculine and intimidating.

If you see a woman with short hair/no makeup/body hair/comfortable clothes/etc and immediately assume she’s Not a Woman, you’re regressive as hell by the way

[pancakeke]

Did you get diagnosed with adhd as an adult? I ask because I'm an adult woman of color that can get up and go to work and can kind of interact with people around me, so I feel like I'll never get it

I got diagnosed when I was 29 but looking back I should have been diagnosed when I was in middle school lol. When I sought out a doctor I was technically functioning at my job and home but I was doing piss poor work and was stressed out beyond my limit 100% of the time.

I have a really hard time talking to doctors because I get anxious and forget what I want to highlight a lot so it may be helpful for you as well to list out your struggles and how they are negatively impacting your life. then you have a point by point list your doctor can use to help with diagnosis

for examples, a bunch of stuff I listed:

Work:

I forget to follow up on problem orders constantly, creating larger problems for myself later

I have to keep ridiculous amounts of notes to keep myself on track, but then the amount of notes becomes overwhelming and they become impossible to use

I question my memory at all times which keeps me in a high level of stress and anxiety

After dealing with some extra temporary responsibilities I hit a wall and have not been able to bounce back and do my normal duties very well anymore. Even my boss has noticed that I have had a hard time keeping up and talked to me about it. Nothing has permanently changed with my work, the problem is something with me.

home/personal life

I volunteer to help people with plans often but very quickly forget my responsibilities and only remember when reminded at the the last minute, putting myself in the position where I have to work until 2 or 3am to prepare for what we're doing

often I feel very creative and have the intention to work on home improvement or personal projects but either cant force myself to initiate a plan or after starting a plan I can't focus enough to get remotely close to completing it

along with the above, when actually starting a project it's generally on impulse and as soon as the impulse dies down I cant force myself to continue no matter how hard I try

I create constant messes and always feel disorganized no matter how hard I try to maintain an acceptable living space

I buy things on impulse for personal projects but then can't bring myself to work on the projects, meaning I often waste money on impulse buys that never go anywhere

I have a difficult time remembering to pay bills

General

forgetfulness causes me to accidentally procrastinate almost constantly, always putting me in a position where I have to rush while fueled by anxiety to get anything accomplished.

I basically rely on anxiety to push me to complete anything. if I'm not afraid of failure or causing problems it's almost like tasks don't exist

there isn't a day where one or more of the above things causes me problems.

kind of overboard but you get the idea. take some time over a week or two and note every time your ADHD symptoms affect your quality of life, and also add to your notes that all these things are negatively impacting you on a daily basis (if its true, which I don't doubt it is). If you share any of these problems with me feel free to tell your doctor you know someone diagnosed with ADHD who had the same problems to emphasize that you don't just have generalized anxiety.

My doctor made a copy of my notes to keep on file which I greatly appreciated. I've had a LOT of problems with doctors in the past not taking me seriously for physical problems I had so I'm like extra aware and suspicious of how doctors behave now.

I was genuinely surprised at how serious my doctor took all my issues. She didn't dismiss anything and agreed this sounded like ADHD. I'm white and can't talk to the issue of being POC and trying to get taken seriously by medical professionals but my generic advice is: don't be afraid to fire a doctor who doesn't seem to listen to you or is dismissive of your struggles. You don't even need to tell them they're fired, you can just cancel your next appt right after you make it and then ghost them. I went through 5 doctors (and hundreds of dollars....) getting a physical problem diagnosed once. I seriously wish I'd jumped ship on two of these guys sooner and stopped wasting my time and money on morons who had no investment in my health.

Also if possible, talk to local people you know or check out support groups (there are a lot of various ones on FB. also there may be forums out there for this kind of thing) for POC who struggle with finding doctors who actually listen to them. There may be recs you can use.

One more little bit of advice, if you're more comfortable with video chat than going to see a doctor in person you can do telehealth visits to speak with psychs about mental health issues and even get a diagnosis. It's what I did at first because it was easier to fit into my schedule. The only caveat is they can't prescribe you any medications for controlled substances (like adderall) without seeing you in person at least once. So if they do diagnose you with ADHD you'll have to go see them in person one time to get a prescription.

I always rant when I get asks for advice aaaa but I hope this helps at least somewhat!! If you have any other questions or want to talk feel free to send another ask or DM me!!

[pandemic-info]

Long Covid may be 'the next public health disaster' — with a $3.7 trillion economic impact rivaling the Great Recession: Coronavirus

As someone with Long Covid, it is nearly impossible to get a doctor to even try to help you. I went to 9 different doctors and 3 told me to just go on disability. 5 just wanted to run more tests and try nothing else.

One doctor asked me if I was willing to experiment. He saw that the main issue was inflammation that started in the lungs and then proceeded to infect the rest of my body until it got to my brain which then led to blackouts. I had the exhaustion, brain fog, etc. as well. He switched me to a very pure diet that didn't contain any food that caused inflammation. Pure grains, vegetables, fruit, salmon. He also recommended clams for both their massive doses of B12 as well as iron.

We experimented with doses of prednisone, which reduces inflammation and has been around since the 1950s. I also take curcumin (reduces inflammation) every day along with Taurine and vitamin D every day. Now I'm basically back to normal if I take 2 prednisones per month along with the vitamins.

It took me a year and a half to find my solution. I don't know if it will help anyone else, but I wanted to share because I wish someone would have tried to help me. Note also if I deviate from the diet, vitamins, or prednisone that I feel terrible within a few days

&

I'm currently in the same boat.

I have neurological symptoms (brain fog, debilitating headaches that cause projectile vomiting, visual disturbances, blackouts and certain foods taste/smell like sewage)

Had brain scans, blood tests, EEG, MRI, CT scan, CT angiogram, sleep studies, metabolic panels and on and on since 2021

Nothing has helped and I've been told by doctor's from Northwestern, University of Chicago, Mayo Clinic and John's Hopkins that "we're sorry but we cannot find a cause" and when we bring up long COVID, 98% of the doctors have said, "yeah probably but we have no guidance as to how we diagnose that"

And then you get random well meaning assholes who suggest everything from "wear wet wool socks to bed!", "take a mega dose of zinc" "microdose psilocybin", "my aunt said you have to take magnesium"

I've tried steroids, strong anti inflammatories, anti seizure medication, CBD, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, meditation, an infusion of IgA or IgG I can't remember, completely changing my diet and every symptom still remains

At a certain point, there may be some of us forever affected by this but we're the inconvenient truths people don't want to talk about or even consider because, "well I'm fine after getting it"