#I may or may not be halfway through Epic: the musical

[hasellia]

( The Odyssey, 6th century BC)

[lascapigliata]

oscar noms are out and i actually am hitting the ground running for once! so, here is the oscar movies microreviews post:

(may put these in number of awards order at some point but for now they are [mostly] in watch order. also reserve the right to change at any time as i think about them longer)

conclave: LOVED IT!!! don't ideologically support the catholic church but they really popped off with the scheming and politics. the acting was great, it was perfectly balanced in terms of humor, i love a scheme. gorgeous cinematography imo. ralph fiennes perhaps doing his finest work i’ve seen from him. the twist at the end was very good and despite the giggling of the people in the row behind me i think it toed the same comedy/drama line well. i don't remember the score particularly except that i remember liking it in the moment; snubbed for direction imo.

dune ii: i think liking this a lot would require liking dune i a lot and it's still not something i go gaga over. and this was messier than the first one. i think timothee chalemet is probably a very good actor (undoubtedly eventually complete unknown will be below) but i don't think he can pull off epic as much as this movie needed, and i think it needed a really mercenary edit bc it was just packed with too much plot. many good actors were wasted on bit parts but that's just an inevitable evil of this kind of movie

gladiator ii: overwritten overacted overdone. took the worst parts of gladiator i and left the rest behind. much like timmy chals, i think paul mescal is a good actor who isn't really an Epic Speechgiver whereas russell crowe could toe the line, plus there weren't many speeches in the first. it was barely even fair though bc denzel was right there absolutely slamming it out of the park. everything else was not. none of that matters bc it was just up for costumes (won't and shouldn't win)

anora: i really really liked this. i liked the florida project as well so it's not entirely surprising but i think he did a great job portraying sex work with its associated nudity without making it voyeuristic or titillating. mikey madison was awesome; she had a lot of times where she had to do basically one primary emotion and stick a lot underneath and she did so really well. it dragged a little in moments but not overall. reminded me of a less stressful uncut gems but just in terms of the kind of quest narrative. broey deschanel did a great video about this i recommend if you don't mind major spoilers

the wild robot: for the first ~20m i was sort of like this is pretty but i get it already and then i settled into it and turns out i loved it. really gorgeous animation. pretty standard and somewhat predictable story but i think it's best seen through a lens of For Kids and it comes alive. it bears saying that i cried halfway through the movie and then again at the end like. just tears on tears with this one. i don't remember the score very well already but i guess it was good. (hard to evaluate best score when challengers was so snubbed)

emilia perez: NOTE this entire thing has been edited: since watching i have read a lot about this movie from mexicans and trans people and i think i was very busy trying to like it bc of award noms and also trying to figure out why the music was so bad that i didn't really critically examine much else beyond "sloppy" for the trans narrative. mea culpa. the cinematography was great. the acting was decent. on the production side, not even filming in mexico is pretty ridiculous. the thing about being "brave" or "genre-defying" is that it isn't? it's a musical. it has a scene setting song then an i want song and on and one. giri haji was NOT a musical then threw in an interpretive dance and THAT'S genre defying and brave. one could criticize the music for not pulling anything from the actual rich musical material of mexico but that would be a waste of time since the music was so atrocious (which i've always thought). not a good movie with a few small okay things. did not deserve 13 nominations but did make me realize i had a knee jerk reaction based on insecurity and privilege. it's good to have a note to self!

nosferatu: very gorgeous. very horny. very robert eggers (complimentary). LOTS of rats.

inside out 2: for movies i don't actually like all that much inside out(s) definitely make me cry lmao. but it's just a rehash of the first one. visually impressive (but not more so than the first). the removal of bad memories was underdeveloped in favor of a cheap villain narrative around anxiety. i still take issue with the idea that joy is/should be the default or best emotion but there's no way around that within the structure of the movie - huge flaw

wicked: enjoyed more than i expected to actually! did not need to be 87 hours long but didn’t drag too much, which is a feat considering it was act i lol. love that they filmed dancing with wide shots - revolutionary! they apparently sang live (which cannot be true for any scenes with dancing or jumping around lol) but it was pretty seamless so i have to give them credit. i do have some BIG issues musically, especially how much they chopped up defying gravity at the end. i don't think cynthia erivo's acting while speaking was anything revolutionary but her SINGING absolutely killed it, which should definitely be recognized. all in all a fun movie; it may actually be better on film than stage.

kingdom of the plant of the apes: i saw this ages ago but liked it! a Fun Movie. makes total sense this was nominated for vfx and unless alien romulus does something incredible (stay tuned for below, probably) absolutely deserves the win over wicked or dune, and having not seen better man kingdom still deserves the win just due to quantity of apes

flow: amazing showstopping spectacular. i cried lots and physically held lila bc i was so nervous for onscreen Cat. not even just considering it was in blender it was GORG and they managed to get such incredible expression in the animals (jot that down disney). plus remember when the best part of wall-e was the no talking part? yeah that but nature and a leetle cat!!! deserves best animated 100000%

the substance: i have a pretty high gore tolerance and even a decent body horror tolerance and yet. so glad i watched at home where i could take a bathroom break. absolutely disgusting. absolutely fantastic. demi moore blew me out of the water but margaret qualley held her own too. and dennis quaid was disgusting (complimentary). i saw some criticism that this falls into the old women as horror trap and i see where they’re coming from but i think it subverts it. thought the use of color especially was absolutely stunning (that YELLOW in the coat!)

a real pain: sweet little movie. movies do not have to invent much to be good. some will say kieran culkin is just playing roman roy but i disagree; he really was excellent at maintaining the tension where you’re sort of afraid of him. jesse eisenberg will repel ppl who don’t like him (like my brother) but i thought he did well too; as a writer though he got a lot into what was a pretty simple movie otherwise

a different man: adam pearson!! amazing work, should have been best supporting nommed here. sebastian stan!!!!! so proud. totally deserved the nom for golden globes and honestly i think if he wasn’t in the apprentice he might have gotten one here too. reminding us all that he is very good at working with physicality. in general it’s a lot like the substance except not quite as good, but that’s very much a high bar. the makeup was indeed good needless to say, but the SCORE was incredible like why is no one talking about it!!! when wicked is on that list?? incredible snub along w challengers

i’m still here: amazing work by fernanda torres. i think they rushed the ending bc they didn’t make the movie they thought they were making (if it was about her quest to find closure it failed; if it was about a woman’s struggle to lead her family through the first months of their fathers’ disappearance it worked). idk that it stands up as a best picture nom; it had a lot going for it but it felt like it needed another pass on the script to tie it together

sing sing: amazing amazing amazing. colman domingo redemption arc (he was incredible in rustin but the rest of the movie was not). everyone was fantastic in fact and having formerly incarcerated people form the majority of the cast is cool as a thing to do and also bc the performances were palpably really authentic. special shoutout to clarence maclin who was not only great in his role but delivered a really really genuinely good to be or not to be speech

the apprentice: definitely made by people who did not expect him to win another election lol. a few too many winks at the audience imo. i get why sebastian stan campaigned on this one, and he was good, but he was better in a different man. jeremy strong was excellent. if this was made in 50 years it would prob be great, but it’s too soon

alien romulus: solid sci-fi/horror movie. well paced, nice to see mal shadowandbone, made me cry bc of all the sibling stuff. extremely cool visuals especially the zero g acid blood scene. however it contains too few apes to compete with kingdom of for best vfx. (HALF KIDDING.)

the brutalist: well. 3/4 a great movie, 3/16 a good movie, and a profoundly unsatisfying ending. adrien brody was fucking amazing. guy pearce was fucking amazing. filmed absolutely beautifully, good score. a little hamfisted with its Messages but didn’t bother me too much. LOVE an intermission as a concept but it especially worked here bc it allowed for a shift in style without being (too) jarring. didn’t love some of the editing choices and as i said a kind of dud ending i think (may change my mind) but the whole is greater than the sum etc. did it need to be 4 hours? not really, but no part felt like a real waste of time.

september 5: feels like a very pointed movie to be made Right Now. as my brother pointed out all the exciting stuff happened in the movie munich and all other journalism movies are about the investigation not camera angles. it was a whatever script. weird nom

a complete unknown: the problem is that there’s really quite a lot of bob dylan in this movie. the other problem is that i liked all the blues tunes we hear more than all the folk music. it’s just a greatest hits album with cameos with a bludgeon of a script cant believe it was nominated. i am no longer convinced timmy chals is a great actor either

memoir of a snail: sweet sad little movie. pretty one-note in terms of story, tone, and animation (though the animation is lovely). didn’t make me cry despite being entirely about a bullied kid who got separated from her brother sooo0o. should have been a long short film probably. no, cannot stand up to flow, but it’s nice to have animated movies that are specifically for adults tbh!

wallace and gromit: vengeance most fowl: wow i guess moana 2 really sucked. i don’t really like wallace and gromit so this was lost on me. it does not stand up to the rest of the slate.

the seed of the sacred fig: AAHHHHH!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this deserves best international and it should have been in the running for other stuff as well. impeccably done, acting off the hook and the script was great in english subs i imagine in persian it’s even better. that ending was WOOOOF!!! plus the bts situation including them making it in secret and the writer/director and cast having to escape the country like - this is genuinely brave filmmaking and it shows. AHHH!!!!!!!!!

the girl with the needle: extremely well done. toed the psychological/horror divide well; some very good acting especially by the kid shockingly. very scandinavian pacing and ended sort of predictably but i didn’t mind. some very cool sound/score things as well. recommend this a lot. not my pick for the award but a worthy contender

better man: better than i expected! i still don't like biopics but i think the chimp thing actually worked. no getting around that the songs are catchy lol. it was completely predictable but i don't think it was trying to be too innovative in story. vfx-wise it was a very good ape and some good dance sequences but kingdom of the planet of the apes still had more and better apes :|

maria: i mean fine if you like opera lol. angelina jolie was fantastic though (especially in her singing - and also lip syncing!). the cinematography was fine; production design was better. it was sort of over the top at times but then again, so is opera

nickel boys: wow. the first person thing i thought would get old but absolutely didn’t. desperate to read the book now! felt a little indulgent for lack of a better word at times but it was pretty enough i didn’t mind. had a very play-like cadence in the script, which makes me wonder how much came directly from the book. i wouldn’t say thee best picture of the year but it’d be a justified win if it got it.

[iamallyetnotatall]

Thank you lovely @resuri-art ❤

last song: I am currently halfway through - Little Wolf from Epic the Musical

favorite color: Pink!!!

last movie: Wicked (I think lol)

last tv show: I watch what my old man puts on TV so... Roseanne

last thing I googled: "renew drivers license" ... I may be a few days from expiring whoops.

looking forward to: it's actually my 30th bday next week, and I'm doing a board game day for it with the family. Very hyped for it!

current obsession: right now it's video games - playing Persona 5 Strikers and Coral Island!

Not sure who hasn't been tagged so tag yourself, I wanna see it <3

[stardustizuku]

The Avatar of Mestionora

~ Rozemyne Playlist || The commoner daughter of a soldier, turned goddess

A little playlist I made from the start of the series; to the very end

(This was a fun project I’ve been making since halfway through Part 5. I’m so excited to finally see it finished. This was a wild, long ride, and I can’t express how much fun I had. This series has made me go through such an emotional roller coaster, so I decided to share this playlist. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as i enjoyed making it.

I’m thinking about making a separate post explaining the background of my selection. Why i chose what songs, why in that order, and how I separated the parts. But given the size of the playlist, it may take a while. That said, if you’re interested and wanna know about anything, feel free to ask! I will answer with delight).

PART 1 - Daughter of a Soldier

1.- Naughty - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

2.- Ponyo on the cliff by the sea - Noah Cyrus, Frankie Jonas (From Ponyo)

3.- Flowers in my hair - Wes Reeves

4.-My Love is Mine, All Mine - Mitski

5.- When I Grow Up - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

PART 2 - Apprentice of a Shrine Maiden

6.- Quiet - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

7.- Unsweetened Lemonade - Amélie Farren

8.- Once Upon a December - Christy Altomare ( From Anastasia Musical)

9.- Only Love Can Save Us Now - Ke$ha

10.- Go Tonight - Krystina Alabado, Emma Hunton (From Mad Ones Musical)

11.- Two Orugitas - Sebastian Yatra (From Encanto)

PART 3 - Adopted Daughter of the Archduke

12.- Chiquitita - ABBA

13.- Class of 2013 - Mitski

14.- The Milk Carton - Madilyn Mei

15.- Family Jewels - MARINA

16.- Seventeen - MARINA

17.- We Both Reached For The Gun - Chicago Cast (From Chicago Musical)

18.- Found - Sarah Stiles & Zach Callison (From Steven Universe The Movie)

19.- She Used to Be Mine - Jessie Mueller (From Waitress Musical)

PART 4 - Founder of the So-Called Library Comittee

20.- Ancient Dreams in a Modern Life - MARINA

21.- Belle - Beauty and the Beast Cast (From Beauty and Beast Movie)

22.- Non-Stop - Hamilton Cast (From Hamilton Musical)

23.- Put You in Your Place - Percy Jackson Cast (From Lighting Thief Musical)

24.- Little Wolf - EPIC Cast (From EPIC Musical)

25.- Téir Abhaile Riu - Celtic Women

26.- Fine on the Outside - Priscilla Ahn (From When Marnie was Here)

27.- The Prophecy - Taylor Swift

28.- Francis Forever - Mitski

PART 5 - The Avatar of a goddess

29.- Warrior of the Mind - EPIC Cast (From Epic Musical)

30.- Idol - YOASOBI

31.- Venus Fly Trap - MARINA

32.- Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde (From the Hunger Games Movies)

33.- LABOUR (Cacophony) - Paris Paloma

34.- Don’t Make me - MALINDA

35.- Breakfast - Dove Cameron

36.- Hit me with your Best Shot - ADONA

37.- Nothing You Can Take From Me - Rachel Zegler (From Ballad from Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes)

38.- Breathe - Leslie Grace (From In The Heights Movie)

39.- I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

40.- Fine Line - Ke$ha

41.- Product of My Own Design - Artio

42.- Queen of Kings - Alessandra

43.- No Good Deed - Wicked Cast (From Wicked Musical)

44.- Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift (From the Hunger Games Movies)

45.- Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? - Taylor Swift

46.- Ruthlessness - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

47.- They’re Only Human - Annapantsu & Caleb Hyles (Death Note Musical Cover)

48.- Thumbs - Sabrina Carpenter

49.- Respectless - Hazbin Hotel Cast (From Hazbin Hotel)

50.- The Greatest Show - Panic at the Disco! (From Greatest Showman)

51.- Different Beast - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

52.- Done For - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

53.- I am not a woman, I’m a god - Halsey

54.- Inkpot Gods - The Amazing Devil

55.- Sea of Love - Cat Power

56.- Once Upon a Dream - Lana del Rey (From Maleficent)

57.- Paciencia Y Fe - Olga Merediz

58.- To Build A Home - Patrick Watson

59.- Lover - Taylor Swift

60.- When You’re Home - Leslie Grace & Corey Hawkins (From In The Heights)

61.- Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

[victoriousscarf]

I will come pester, then.

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas? 27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing? 35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain? {If relevant}

4.

I mean, the joke is I breath and I have too many ideas. Medda will back me up on this because we will sit down with one idea and about 5 hours later I'm sliding up like but have you considered--

But perhaps more seriously, I just try to be really open. I read a lot, both fiction and history, and go to museums and travel and yes these are all nerdy activities but there's nothing like a good Civil War Battlefield roadtrip to suddenly end up with a questionable Civil War au. Music too will often trigger little glimmers of an idea and then I'm off to the races.

But I think just, keeping an open mind, looking around the world you're in, letting things marinate at the back of your mind, are good ways to get ideas.

27.

I mean... the actual activity of writing is my favorite and least favorite part, lol? In that, daydreaming is fun, but there is joy in solidifying it, in being able to share it with others in a form that's not just excited yelling, in finding the right words, in finding the sentences that take your breath away in the middle of writing them down.

(Like the line "We're both just liars risking it all on trusting each other" made me have to pause and literally scream after writing it down. It did not exist in my head or anyone where until I was halfway through it, and it was the perfect line for the scene, for the relationship, for everything they mean for each other. Similarly "I would hate to be the worst thing to happen to you" came out of nowhere in the middle of the scene and made me go oooooooooo. So yeah, writing is fun! And a constant surprise even to myself!)

But also that's the must frustrating part because then the scene is done, its finalized, it's no longer being turned around endlessly in your head, and sometimes it feels like you can never get it quite right, the epic tension and drama of the moment being caught in these weird little shapes that mean something to the people reading them. And then you just have to remember your readers have no idea how much better the scene felt in your head, and will probably love it anyway, but you'll always know it seemed so much cooler before you forced it down onto the page...

35.

I think it would be a mix of "please let your villains be monstrous again" (I am SO tired of "I may be committing genocide but it's okay because I was sad once") but also remember "everyone is human and probably thinks they are the protag of their own story."

Like let villains tell their own stories to themselves, of how maybe they are not evil, but also do not always let them get away with it (and when they have gotten away with it be wiling to downgrade them to morally grey antagonist instead of full villain).

And also stop making villains the only ones trying to change broken systems. Our heroes might need to start a few revolutions too.

[twistedtummies2]

Fifteen Days of Disney Magic - Number 8

Welcome to Fifteen Days of Disney Magic! In honor of the company’s 100th Anniversary, I am counting down my Top 15 Favorite Movies from Walt Disney Animation Studios! We're now halfway through the countdown! Today’s entry proves the quote, “The past is never dead. It isn’t even past.” Number 8 is…The Lion King.

If I had to make a few guesses, I’d say the most unorthodox things about my countdown would be the following: one, putting “Fun & Fancy Free,” of all films, in my Top 15. Two, only including one modern era Disney film in the ranks, and we’ll get to that one eventually, don’t worry. Three, not including “Beauty and the Beast” in my Top 10…and four, making “The Lion King” ONLY 8th place. Yes, I am aware that I am a blasphemous heathen who deserves to be hit with a stick. So sue me. Once again, I must stress, do not take the lower placement of “The Lion King” to mean I dislike the film. Because, obviously, I do not. I think the movie is one of the most epic features Disney has ever put out, and it’s not a surprise that so many people name it as one of their top five favorite Disney movies, or even their absolute favorite. It was one of the most successful features of its time, and for good reason. Combining elements of Shakespeare with earlier animated works, including the anime “Kimba the White Lion” and Disney’s own “Bambi,” and a lot of its own original material, “Lion King” was and still is a unique movie in the Disney canon. In some ways, I would argue it’s a little more adult than many other Disney films, although it still has plenty of elements that can appeal to children, or even to one’s inner child.

There are many things that make this film as “big” as it is. The visuals are sweeping and grand; even the most minor shots always seem to have a lot of punch to them. It takes great advantage of the colors and visual motifs of its natural African setting to create some of the most gorgeous images you’ll find in any animated movie. Practically every frame of this film, if you were to halt it in place, could make a perfectly composed picture; almost something you would want to hang up on your wall. From childhood innocence to the bitterness of adulthood, and everything in-between, it patterns the emotional and physical journeys of Simba beautifully. Hans Zimmer’s score is equally powerful; I feel this actually may be one of his most underrated soundtracks, since when most people think of his name, they probably think of his work with Christopher Nolan, or on franchises like “Pirates of the Caribbean,” and when most people think of music in the Lion King, they tend to think of the songs. And while the songs are great – REALLY great – I think that Zimmer’s score is equally applause-worthy, as it works with the imagery (and the splendid voice cast) to paint every character and scene expertly. However, when I rewatched the film, what struck me most was the overall message of the story. This is where I think it’s most adult elements show: not in the death of Mufasa, or the family struggles, but in its ultimate and most prominent theme. The film is ultimately about one person learning to overcome his own perceived past mistakes, and bring justice and truth to a world filled with lies. We have all made mistakes or wished to correct unjust situations, and I think that theme is just as powerful today as it ever was. For me, it is perhaps especially poignant; I have, more and more frequently, found myself dealing with old wounds and not-so-forgotten errors, and wishing I could find a way to correct all those terrible things I did or said. So I can relate to someone like Simba in a way that’s different from many other characters Disney has created. As far as its competition with “Aladdin,” "Peter Pan," and “Beauty and the Beast” can be concerned, Lion King ranks high on all counts. Using the criteria I named in my previous two entries on the countdown: Lion King certainly has a lot of nostalgic value for me, and I do tend to refer to it more than “Beauty and the Beast” in everyday situations. I’d say it and Aladdin are pretty evenly tied there. I also have a close connection to it in writing, since my commission work has led to me writing A LOT of stories set in the universe of this film and its later spin-offs. And while there aren’t AS many parts I’d like to play in the story, in terms of a stage version, the chance to be in it, or even to just SEE it, onstage would be absolutely fantastic beyond belief – something I’d look forward to more than either of the other two films it was competing with. Therefore, it tops them both…but not the other films yet to come. I'm going to be honest, before I close this out: this film actually rose in the ranks by a grand margin. Just as I fully expected to put Peter Pan at the top of the four-part stretch when I went in, I actually expected to put Lion King at either 9th or 10th place. But upon returning to it, and reflecting on everything it means to me and all its done for me, I realized just how special this film truly was. It's not enough to break it into the Top 7...but I think when you see what those seven films are, you'll understand that being 8th place is far from an insult to this film's colossal credit. The countdown continues tomorrow with my 7th Favorite Disney Movie! HINT: An Underrated Mouse-terpiece.

[scoreconnaisseur]

Read at your own risk of spoilers. Let me know what I missed in the comments!

-contrast in themes between “Only One Spider-Man” and Miles’s take on it, “Spider-Man Loves You”

-whistling in “Visions Brooklyn 1, 2, 3.” For me, it always feels like the beat drops on an off-beat to show the awkwardness of what he’s feeling

-the Prowler’s “roar” sound, which first appears in “The Amazing Spider-Man”

-the 3-note “Destiny” motif in “Destiny,” “Mi Amor,” “Spider Training”

-also in “Destiny,” the 3-note Spider-Man motif. Used for multiple Spider-Mans, throughout the Alchemax excursion, especially in “Are You Ready to Swing?” and throughout the rest of the score

-“My Name is … Peter B. Parker” resembles the Peter (A) theme from “The Amazing Spider-Man” just like Peter B resembles Peter A

-“Peter enters the Spider-verse” resembles the opening title credits—the sound of the dimensions glitching; see also “Gwen Enters the Spider-Verse”

-keyboard clicks in “Alchemax Arrival” and “Spider-Man science.” A Daniel-Pemberton-ism is to use odd sounds

-You can clearly hear Gwen’s entrance because of the heavy drum presence that starts halfway or so through “Swing?”

-deep, heavy brass in “Kingpin Clicks” for Kingpin just like when he smashes Peter A

-“Spider-Man” theme in “Aunt May…” when going into the spider hideout, plus “Destiny” theme

-entrance of the Spider Team theme!!!! My favorite, literally almost 2 bars of 16th notes and a little triplet thing at the end of it

-techno for Penny, goofy old-school cartoon with slide whistle for Porker, part of Porker’s section includes something that sounds similar to “Entrance of the Gladiators” from the circus

-“On Your Way” = repetition of “Mi Amor,” with the “destiny” motif

-“The Team Leaves” has sad version of the 3-note spider man motif

-“Spider-Team Mission” EPIC SPIDER TEAM THEME, plus I love the beat drop with the line “It’s that easy”

-the irony of the name “Suicide Squad” as a track title

-“Miles Morales Returns” spider-man motif, plus his signature record scratches; Porker’s corny cartoon music section; repetition of the “rising” motif from “Comic Book,” also very representative of Miles

-repetition of the Peter A’s theme from “the amazing spider man” as they’re in the collider room again

-“Saying Goodbye” sad/nostalgic 3-note spider man theme

-“Shut It Down” repetition of the solo trumpet from “this spark in you”

-“Kingpin fight” 3-note “destiny” motif for Miles begins it except it sounds much more hard-core, like Miles has things under control now

-“Shoulder Touch” 3-note Miles “destiny” motif, record scratches, spider-man 3-note motif

-“Spider-Man Loves You” record scratches start it out, spider-man 3-note motif, rising theme from “Comic Book” that signifies Miles

[just-a-carrot]

Our Wonderland (Queer Indie Horror VN) Arc 5 Part 1 Out Now!

HEY ALL THIS THING IS FINALLY OUT YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Prepare yourself for (the first half of) Iggy's final tumble down the tree! How has Wonderland changed now that everybody remembers all the horrific things they did that happened during the previous four arcs??? (Hint: A LOT!)

FEATURING:

2 to 3 more hours of gameplay (around 40k new words)

59 NEW CGS???

1 new way to violently die!

Possibly the largest new soundtrack yet!

More feels than you can shake a stick at!

SWEET SCENES? TERRIFYING SCENES??? EMOTIONALLY CATHARTIC SCENES????????

Lots and lots and lots of Iggy doll sprites (too many mayhaps)

UMMMMMMMMM if you're new to this school, Our Wonderland is my big epic queer horror visual novel starring a plucky intrepid put-together very awkward and anxious biromantic ace guy who's JUST TRYING TO FIGURE HIMSELF OUT except that HORRIFIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING and also some of his friends may or may not be in love with him and HE'S GOTTA WORK THROUGH THAT TOO and also all of them die a lot and also also there may be some cannibalism or something.

Currently there are four and a half parts of this bad boy out, which is like 223k words and 337 CGs of HEART-CRUSHING EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISING GOODNESS.

BUT GUESS WHAT ALSO THIS UPDATE HAS SOME NEW FEATURES BECAUSE YA BOY FINALLY BUCKLED UP:

A new CG gallery that took me way too long to code!

A new music room so you can listen to all the sweet sweet tracks whenever you want!

A new censored mode so you can pixelate the gore if you want!

Optimized music files! Chapter save names! Some other stuff you probably don't care about but I did anyway!

The big GUI update is still to come BUT AT LEAST THIS IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE A SOMEWHAT HALFWAY DECENTLY PROFESSIONAL GAME maybe.

BEFORE I FORGET, BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE CONTENT WARNINGS THOUGH. Despite the bright colors and my general over-exuberance about everything, this game is Very Dark and for MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY because there's a lot of violent stuff that happens and also a lot of language because I can't stop swearing when I write apparently and also some overarching sexual things and potentially uncomfortable sexual stuff BECAUSE THIS IS ALSO AN ACE HORROR GAME and I've somehow shoved all my messed-up feelings about coming to terms with being ace in here LAWL.

You can find a list of all the content warnings, including really detailed ones, on the game page! So please do make sure you check them out first!!!!!!

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT. GO CHECK IT OUT!11!!!!

You can find more details about the update here: https://carrotpatchgames.itch.io/our-wonderland/devlog/506996/our-wonderland-arc-5-part-1-out-now

Or just zoom straight to the game page here: https://carrotpatchgames.itch.io/our-wonderland

THANKS AND HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!

[nanowrimo]

Music Playlists as Story Inspiration

Do you use music to inspire your writing? Have you ever thought about trying different genres to see whether that affects your story? Today, writer A.S. Axeman shares how exploring YouTube videos helped inspire their novel:

For NaNoWriMo 2021, I chose synthwave and ambient genres as my writing music. While most of us write to music, some of us may have a rough time writing with singing in the background. I’m also an 80s kid so when I think of action or hard science fiction, synth music is in my head. 

The fantasy and space opera movies of the 80s were voiced by a massive orchestras and produced great music to write to. Growing up I used to listen to the Blade Runner soundtrack and all John Carpenter music just as much as the John Williams scores. As I have aged, most of the time I write with big movie scores playing in the background due to the sheer volume of them available. This year, though, I ignored the sweeping epic scores and shifted solely to synthwave. YouTube is full of synthwave and its sub genres chillwave, darkwave, horrorwave, and retrowave. Springboarding off those, I also added ambient videos with great visuals to my general play list.

The first few days were easy writing, but around 10k words I was really stretching my imagination. I was stalling with my initial idea and I had to give my characters a kick in the pants. I was flipping through synthwave tiles to find just the right one when I saw a silhouetted traveler looking at the expansive skyline of a futuristic city. I though “put Axe and his crew right where that guy is standing”. Suddenly I different problem set for my amnesia-plagued team to deal with.

I typed a few paragraphs then looked at the image again for another dose of inspiration. 700 words later and halfway through that video, I was hunting for another video that seemed like it could connect. I found it among the hundred or so titles of just one content creator.

When I paid attention to the screen images for each synthwave or ambient video, I began stitching together a very different narrative than my intended course. Instead of Axe, Mac, and Quartermas dealing with gritty rough problems, they were on a trippy, cosmic journey.

Music lights up my brain (probably yours too) and images can be worth hundreds to thousands of words. Why not use them as your force multiplier? Think of the time you’ve slogged your way through a dull but awesome looking movie. I’ve sat through many boring but visually stunning and beautiful sounding movies. Choosing instrumental music videos with majestic animations as your writing companion can push you and your words in different directions that you weren’t prepared to go but might actually like better.

A.S Axeman is the pseudonym of a professional rabbit-holer and over thinker who enjoys general woodworking, guitar foot pedals, holiday baking, dark beers, and being retired from the Air Force.

Photo by Don Daskalo on Unsplash  

[dirtydancingdean]

✨ fic recs ✨

ok so back in like 2014 i watched supernatural for a solid 3 years until they killed kevin and charlie and i got bored of the bmol storyline. now im here again let’s not talk about it. BUT during this time i accumulated a Lot of fic and in the past two months i’ve gone through all 213 of my bookmarks and gone through like every rec list made after s12 in order to read fic set during every specific season while i rewatch the show. because im insane <3 im on s8 rn and wanted to share my list of favourites from each season so far as well as my favourite aus ! they’re all generally nsfw so minors be careful, and also check the warnings ! and i will update this when i finish s15 <3

aus

asunder by rageprufrock (23.8k, e, background samruby)

obviously the most perfect thing to ever exist. 

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (56k, m, background saileen)

poet dean fic need i say more. part dean studies if dean studies was elaborated on lovingly in detail for 56k words, part gorgeous and beautiful poetry, part incredibly clever commentary on meta and fan allusions, and part stunning exploration of the relationships in the show turned on their heads.  

one white little lie by komodobits (11k, gen)

this is SOOO cute. cas is so embarrassing i was covering my face the entire time i was reading it. if u want to be cheered up. read this. 

broadway musical by griftings (12k, m)

this is genuinely sooo funny. big “castiel did you fuck the michael sword” energy and jimmy novak as that “am not against gays” tweet, plus jo <3

c-s-t-l by komodobits (90k, m)

i haven't read this in a while but from what i remember it was incredible and also had cassie <3 

rest is under the cut because it got long fhjfkfklf

pre-series/season 1-3*

a turn of the earth by microcomets (time travel, 95k, standford era, m)

i think everyone’s read this at this point but if u haven't. what are u doing. go read it. it’s absolutely everything i reread it in the week before the finale without remembering half of the stuff it talked about and i was a WRECK. if u think about standford era dean every day read this. cas punches john winchester in the FACE. 

geography by aeli_kindara (3k, teen and up, warnings for discussion of rape/non-con and prostitution)

not dean/cas but a really wonderful and needed conversation with sam and dean during 2x02.

season 4

so says the sword by komodobits (85k, e)

yeah. i dont need to say anything.  

consequences of falling by fayjay (37k, e, background samruby, warnings for rape/non-con)

THISSSS FIC. pls it’s perfect literally everything i wanted when i was watching s4 and obsessed with love as an act of worship + ruby and cas parallels. ruby and cas get drunk together! ruby says this: “dean and castiel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes the fall from grace, then comes battling the hosts of hell and wishing that you’d managed to get your skinny ass laid before the freaking apocalypse”! what more could u want!

named by rc_machlan (94k, m)

literally the best fic in the world i am not going to say Anything if you love dean and angels and the mythology of s4-s5 that was promptly dropped, you absolutely have to read this.

four people ruby seduced & one she actually fell for (or: ruby's epic love affair with humanity in general and sam in specific) by tuesday (3.7k, e, samruby, ruby/jo)

this is more background deancas than anything else and does contain brief, not romantic in any way dean/ruby and dean/cas, but like. if u love ruby (which i do) u have to read this.

season 5

final fantasy by orange_crushed (1.9k, m)

endverse.....this made me want to die

the (mostly accidental) courtship of dean winchester by tuesday (11k, m)

a classic for a reason. really cute and soft and the handprint and cas beating dean up in 5x18 are angelic marriage rites. what more could you ask for.

the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock (15k, explicit)

of Course i mean of COURSE. thee s5 deancas fic.

strike me down and i’ll come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine by trinityofone (10k, gen)

post 5x22 dean and cas rescue sam from hell with the help of some special guests. PERFECT. the only valid good omens crossover.

season 6**

something stupid by zatnikatel (20k, e)

this broke my heart and put it back together. one of my favourite cas characterizations, takes place over s5-s6 and it’s just stunning. 

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (11k, teen and up)

s4 cas ends up in the body of cas in 6x20. fucking life-ruining.

season 7

make known by domesticadventures (16k, teen and up)

this is a really heartbreaking look at dean’s headspace near the end of s6 and throughout s7, and it’s really wonderful with a hopeful ending.

redemption road by a whole bunch of people (652k, virtual season, explicit)

oh boy. ok. know ur herstory ! this was written from 2011 to 2012 and it is thee s7 fic, a virtual season written by 17 fans all together. it’s very very long and it suffers sometimes from having being written a decade ago, but im making my way through it right now and it still fucking holds up. i really do recommend reading at least some of it, you can stop around halfway through and you should be fine.

season 8***

rinse, repeat by ias (3k, teen and up)

exploration of cas when naomi forces him to kill copies of dean and then his perspective in goodbye stranger.

my keeper by whelvenwings (5k, gen)

another goodbye stranger fic, this time with bonus artist cas!

though the course may change by imogenbynight (51k, e)

au after 8x23. i love this fic so much. dean accidentally ends up making himself have to go undercover with cas and pretend to be fake engaged. also, charlie and kevin. do i need to say more.

apres by imogenbynight (24k, e)

au after 8x23 where dean goes to find cas after the angels fall in paris 🥺

*i have found exactly one bela fic that i loved, and zero henriksen fics that i loved, so IF u have recs for those. i would appreciate that.

**mostly the s6 fics i read were uh...vampire dean fics...

***have found one (1) good dean/aaron fic but im still searching for the perfect purgatory crew fics 

[nationalharryleague]

Ivy: Chapter One - Incandescent Glow

A/N: Chapter One is here!! I’m so excited to share this with you all and I hope you enjoy it!! You can find the rest of my writing in my masterlist and I would love love love to hear what you think about it in my ask! Thank you so much for reading I hope you enjoy it!! 

Word Count: 6.5k

Series Masterlist

Chapter Pinterest Board

Before their paths had crossed, she had resigned herself to an existence void of the excitement, passion, and the simple enjoyment of a life in love that she consumed every day in her books. Their worn and yellowed pages held stories of adventure, mystery, and her personal favorite, romance, etched onto pages that held the ability to transport the novel’s reader. She turned to their worn leather binding as a way to escape her own dismal and boring life, living vicariously through star crossed lovers, double agent spies, and explorers who had set out to find the fountain of youth.

The tall tales were never enough to fill the void or tame her desire to escape, but they placed a temporary bandage on the wound she would rather keep covered.

She spent most of her time among her books, curled into the small pink velvet couch that sat next to the large fireplace, immersing herself into the words on the page and the silence that surrounded her, as she reveled in the warmth of the open flame. The library was the one place in the large estate that felt like a home to her. Books lined the walls, placed carefully into floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Most of them had been read through already, patiently awaiting their turn to be picked up once again for her to experience another journey through their pages.

She chased a homey solace within those four walls, a comfortability she could never obtain anywhere else on her husband’s large estate. The mansion was a massive stone fortress that sat on acres of land she had never been granted permission to fully explore. The greatest freedom allowed to her were the well mannered and dignified walks she took around the garden, sometimes a trip to the small stream that ran across the edge of the property with a book tucked into her basket; but as winter fell, as it always did, she was forced back into her library.

Snow fell gently outside, covering the large and manicured lawns with a bright white blanket of quiet, but her concentration and tranquility were startled away from her when three too loud knocks fell onto the large mahogany door. She knew the knocks well, and exactly who they belonged to. They were the only ones that ever seemed to disturb her.

“Dear,” she heard her husband, William, call through the door. “May I come in?” He was boring and overbearing, but he was always polite when it came to her library. She could give him that.

“Of course,” she hummed in a slight annoyance, hearing the door swing open with a creak, as she tucked her bookmark into Gulliver’s Travels’ well loved pages. It was hard for her to tear her eyes from the book, not yet fully out of the story land she had been consumed by for hours now, but when she did, she was met with two men instead of one.

“I wanted to introduce you to the new groundskeeper, Mr. Styles.” William spoke far too loud for her quiet room and in his usual dull tone, which was somehow made even more boring by the beautiful man standing next to him.

Mr. Styles was striking. 

He had chocolate brown curls that fell in tousled waves pushed back from his forehead and vibrant green eyes that zeroed in on her with an intense but friendly gaze. A polite smile graced his pink lips which caused a pair of dimples to ghost over his cheeks, softening his rather imposing large figure.

He was tall and had broad shoulders and muscular arms that didn’t completely fit into his vest and suit jacket, and she could tell he was uncomfortable in such formal dress. He stood perfectly straight up and down, like any sudden movements might bust him out of the most likely hand me down outfit, and his slightly awkward appearance made it difficult for her to fight off a more than friendly smile.

She moved towards him, the pink roses embroidered on the delicate white fabric of her dress falling down around her as she stood from the couch, and with a greeting knod of her head, she extended her hand towards him to delicately shake. His hands were frozen as he took her hand and bowed his head to her, a side effect of the snow blanketing the ground outside, but they were also strong and calloused.

Their contact shot a spark up her arm, assuredly from the cold of his fingertips.

“It’s delightful to meet you, Mr. Styles,” she spoke with a soft but confident voice, bowing her own head towards him gently as he released her hand.

“Thank you for having me, Lady Taylor,” he spoke smoothly, with a deep and musical voice, his sharp jaw brushing against the starched high fabric of his collar. She liked the way he spoke and made a note to make sure she heard more of it in the future.

She hoped she had controlled her face and didn’t outwardly cringe when he called her by her formal title and her husband’s last name. It was an identifier she deeply loathed, representative of all she had become. She looked forward to whenever they got a moment away from her husband and she could ask him to call her Y/N, similar to moments she had in the past with all of the staff in the mansion.

“Of course,” she smiled. “We’re glad to have you.”

“He’ll be staying in the cottage on the east side of the property,” William informed her, bringing her attention back to him.

“That is the one near the stream with the ivy on it, if I’m not mistaken. Correct?” she directed her question towards her husband, toeing the line of an appropriate amount of small talk, while also encouraging the conversation to move fast so she could return to her book.

“That’s the one,” the dull man answered with a nod. “I’m going to show him to it now. I wanted to introduce him because you might be seeing him around the estate.” He paused, stepping closer to her and she felt her muscles tense slightly. “We wouldn’t want you getting startled by a stranger, now would we, darling?”

“No, we wouldn’t,” she answered with a tight lipped smile. She could never get used to his patronizing tone, even after three years as his wife. With a deep breath, she steeled herself as he got even closer, reaching his hand out and pushing a curl that had fallen from her gathered bun at the base of her neck behind her ear, then pressing a kiss to her cheek that lasted far too long to be in front of a guest. Her cheeks heated in embarrassment and she watched as Mr. Styles’ gained an uncomfortable blush to his as well.

With a patch of dampness still clinging to her cheek, William backed away and returned to their new guest’s side.

“It was lovely to meet you,” the new man said, a seemingly sympathetic look in his eye. “Your library is beautiful.”

His complement of her books brought a hint of joy back to her features. “Thank you very much. If you ever need anything to read, I may have something you could borrow,” she chuckled, raising her hand to gesture towards the rows and rows of books. “I can only read so many at a time.”

“I will keep that in mind,” he said, his lips perking up in a sideways smile that showed off one of his dimples.

William left the room without anything else to say, Mr. Styles following soon after, but for some reason she could not shake the sound of his voice and the look of his dimple from her mind. Even when she settled back down next to the fire, knees tucked up beneath her and Gulliver’s Travels back in her hands, his face remained. She found herself rereading sentences two or three times before comprehending them, her focus lost to the handsome man who was now living in the small ivy covered cottage. She was intrigued.

A few days passed before she saw him again.

Once again, he had roused her from a book while she read, making an awful scraping noise as he tried to remove the ice hanging from the outdoor windowsill of her library. He must have been watching her through the window because when her head shot up to investigate the noise, he already held an apologetic look in his eyes and mouthed ‘I’m sorry!’ to her through the window. He looked quite cute like that and she couldn’t help but release a laugh.

She decided to abandon the epic love story she had been consuming, choosing to focus on another object of interest as she moved towards the large window and opened it. A frigid wind seemed to slap her in the face, making her realize just how red his nose was. She could only guess how cold he was and how long he had been scraping ice off the house in only a flimsy wool coat.

“I am so sorry I disturbed you, Lady Taylor,” he profusely apologized, but she only smiled in return.

“No trouble at all,” she shook her head. “And please call me Y/N. I’m only Lady Taylor in front of my husband.”

His face held a slight surprise, obviously unfamiliar with such a casual relationship with his bosses. “Oh, alright then, Y/N.” He held a shy grin on his face as he looked up at her through the window, extending a hand for her to shake. “Well then, call me Harry.”

Harry, she repeated to herself. It suited him. She liked his name and the way his strong jaw and pink lips moved when he said it.

Their hands met in a less formal handshake this time, her body hanging halfway out the window into the cold to reach him. The same shocks made their way up her arm again and she blamed them on his frozen hand.

“Harry,” she started, liking the way his name felt on her lips. “You seem like you are about to freeze to death out there. Why don’t you come in for a cup of tea?”

She knew her husband wouldn’t be home for at least another hour, a result of meticulously monitoring his schedule for the last three years in an effort to appreciate her limited freedom to its fullest. William was a creature of habit, spending every Wednesday across the county with his younger brother in his own massive home; allowing her time to relax, no longer held to the absurdly formal high standards her husband held for ‘the lady of the house.’ And today, she decided she could exercise that freedom by inviting Harry in for tea.

“I couldn’t,” he tried to politely deny, bound by strict rules of etiquette in ‘high society,’ whatever that meant.

“I insist. You look frost bitten.”

When he nodded his head in concession, she couldn’t help the bright and triumphant smile that stretched across her features.

It wasn’t long before she was leading him through the massive home towards the servants quarters and her favorite part of the mansion: the kitchen. As they walked, they moved under ornate arches and impressively high ceilings, passing walls decorated with portraits of her husband’s dead relatives that seemed to judge the two commoners as they passed. She assumed her husband hadn’t given Harry a tour of the main house, as every time she snuck a peak at him, his eyes were wide in amazement at the lavish home.

The deep maroon satin fabric of her dress flowed behind her as she led him down winding hallways and past massive grand staircases. The grandiose decorations and atmosphere began to dwindle as they made their way to the servants quarters, the house taking on a much more bare-bones look. The hallways were smaller and left a pale white, a stark contrast to the brightly colored walls that lived in the rest of the house.

He followed her down a small spiral staircase that opened into a kitchen that emitted a welcoming warmth the rest of the sterile house lacked. A large stone fireplace was set into the wall to their right and copper pots and pans hung from the walls. A large cabinet held stacks and stacks of dishes of every sort and a perpetually bubbling pot of water hung over the open flame. But the centerpiece of the room was the long wooden table that was covered in flour and surrounded by smiley women kneading balls of dough.

“Hello sweetheart!” chimed one of the women from the table, her older round face framed by grey hair holding onto flushed cheeks and a wide smile. Her grin seemed to calm an anxiety that was perpetually inside her. “How are you doing today?”

“I’m doing very well. Thank you, Mary,” she smiled back at her. “How are you?”

“She’s been talking our ears off all day, Y/N,” the youngest girl, Grace, piped up from across the table, her long black hair pulled from her face in a ponytail that reached her bum. She couldn’t have been older than 16. “Thank goodness you came down here to distract her for a moment.”

“Oh hush, Grace,” Mary playfully scolded her before turning her attention back to Y/N. “My boy had the highest marks in his class this week. Isn’t that just incredible?”

“That’s fantastic!” she exclaimed, knowing how hard the boy had been working on his studies as of late from how highly his mother always spoke of him.

“It’s all because you let him borrow your books,” the older woman said in a softer and more sincere tone. “He reads them so fast now and his instructors are so impressed.”

“I am always happy to lend them to Robert. He’s such a good boy. I always miss him in the winter when it is too cold for him to come to the grounds to play.”

“Spring will be here soon enough,” the last woman at the table, Siobhan, spoke up in a thick Irish accent. Her fiery red curls were pinned up on top of her head and flour was smudged onto her freckled nose.

“The almanac predicts that we should have an early spring this year,” Y/N heard Harry’s deep voice cut into their conversation behind her. She watched as all the eyes belonging to the women at the table went wide in his direction like they hadn’t noticed him prior.

“Ladies, this is Harry Styles,” she introduced him, turning back to face him just long enough to take in his shy and somewhat awkward wave to the women. “He’s the new groundskeeper.”

“What happened to John?” Grace asked in a slight whine, her face falling in disappointment at the news.  

“She had a crush on John,” Siobhan cut in quickly to give Harry context. And while Grace denied her infatuation with a defiant ‘did not,’ her cheeks betrayed her as they turned a beet red.

“William said he got married or something of the sort,” Y/N lied, knowing William had fired him during a particular mood swing. While she held a deep distaste towards her husband, she was afraid to hint at that to the women in the event they didn’t follow his explicit orders due to their second hand dislike of him. She would never forgive herself if they happened to lose their jobs because of her.

These women were her only friends and she cherished them.

“Good for him,” Mary said before quickly turning her attention back to the curly man in the corner, staring at him intensely, as if she could see all his deepest secrets if she just looked hard enough. “It’s good to meet you, Harry,” she finally spoke, voice holding a motherly suspicion. “How did you become a groundskeeper?”

He seemed shocked that anyone would ask him a question at all, stammering slightly as he answered. “I always enjoyed being outside when I was a child, and as I got older, I found that I had quite the green thumb,” he spoke shyly, pulling his hand from behind his back to flash the ladies a thumbs-up. “I started working on estates a few years ago and I send whatever I can back to my mum and sister in Cheshire.”

At the mention of his mother and sister, Mary’s face softened.  All in the room could tell that she had deemed him trustworthy and respectable, pushing away her worst nightmares of him having bad intentions on the estate she ran inside and out.

“What a good boy,” she spoke jovially, like if she was closer to him she could have pinched his blushed and dimpled cheeks.

“Well,” Y/N began in an attempt to change the subject, “Harry has been out in the cold for who knows how long so I’m going to fix us up a cup of tea.”

“Y/N, that is what we are here for,” Siobhan said, letting out a chuckle.

“Oh no,” she waved her off, making her way towards the cabinet and retrieving a sachet of her favorite tea and a teapot. “You’re all busy and I am very capable of making my own.”

She felt Harry’s eyes on her, surely confused about the relationship she had with her staff, as she skillfully navigated around the kitchen. She knew she looked out of place wearing her formal dress, a jeweled belt even wrapped around the empire waistline, as she moved about with the women in aprons covered in flour. But she felt comfortable here, like she was experiencing a loving hug from an old and less stressful life she once lived.

Soon she was holding a silver tray with an ornately decorated tea set delicately placed upon it, Harry trailing behind her while she carried it back to her library without spilling a drop. He continued to watch her with an inquisitive eye as she expertly crafted teas for both of them, although she knew his chill had long left his bones, before she settled onto her pink couch, Harry sitting in a matching armchair across from her.

“The way you are looking at me makes me think I owe you an explanation,” she smirked over her tea cup as she brought it to her lips.

“Ma’am,” he began, but corrected himself to “Y/N,” after she shot him a playful yet disapproving look. “You don’t owe me anything.���

“Fine then. I’m just going to talk to myself and if you happen to hear details about my life that might help you understand me and this house a bit more, then so be it.” She spoke calmly, with a regality that she had spent years perfecting.

Harry’s lips perked up with a closed lipped smile that seemed to say ‘you got me’ and an attentive gaze, signalling her to go on.

“I think it is probably quite obvious at this point that I did not grow up in wealth like this,” she started, ready to explain herself to the man across from her for some reason she couldn’t pinpoint. “I’m friendly with the staff because I was one for most of my life. I was a servant girl growing up, very much like Grace. My family did not have much other than too many children and I left home to start work in estates like this one when I was 11.”

He watched quietly from his seat, not giving her much of a reaction at all.

“I met William when I was 17, when I started working for his aunt in her home. He tried to propose, for the first time, after I knew him for three weeks, but his mother said no because I wasn't born into the nobility. And honestly, I was relieved because I did not like him one bit.”

Harry let out a small chuckle at her words that quickly and involuntarily brought a grin to her face.

“His mother died two years later and he proposed again, no longer needing her blessing as he then became the head of their family. He offered me the world if I were to accept. He told me that we would travel and see the sights and that he would support my dream of becoming a writer. But most of all, he promised to take care of my family financially.” She took a long sip of her tea and swallowed hard before finishing the most painful part of her story. “So I accepted, but he never followed through on any of his promises.”

“William isn’t a bad man,” she continued, “although he isn’t a particularly good one either. He likes control of his house and his wife. It is I that made a naive promise to him and I have spent every day of the last three years paying for it.”

She watched as Harry’s exterior softened slowly as she spoke with radical honesty, looking like he wasn’t sure what to say that could comfort her. While she retold the story in a calm, cool, and collected manner, she hoped she was able to fully conceal her true hurt that attempted to fight it’s way to her face.

“Well,” she said with a cheerful new tone to her voice, brushing off her somber and self-pitying mood, “now that I have spoken about myself and you may have heard some of it, would you like some more tea?”

He raised his eyebrows inquisitively at her sudden change in tone, but decided not to push it any further. “I would,” he nodded. She felt his eyes on her as she stood up and made her way back to the tea pot, wishing she could read his mind. When she returned, she poured his tea carefully and went to set the pot back down, but she was stopped when his hand grasped onto hers.

His skin was now warm, hot even, from his tea cup; but the same shocks still remained when he touched her. She couldn’t help but notice how well her hand fit in his. Her eyes first found where he held her, both of his hands cradling one of her’s gently, then they flickered to his face. Emerald green eyes bored into her own, that surely held an element of shock in them at their contact. His face was soft and sympathetic as he looked up at her from his seat. “Y/N,” he sighed, goosebumps forming over her arms as she felt his warm breath float over her skin. “I’m sorry.”

Before she could answer, she heard the familiar roll of the wheels of her husband’s carriage begin to crunch on the gravel outside the window. Her eyes shot towards the sound coming from the circular driveway and she regretfully peeled her hand away from his own, immediately missing his warmth.

“You have to go,” she instructed softly. “Head out the door to your left, make a right at the end of the hallway, and then head down the second staircase. There’s a door that leads out to the back garden on the left.” Her directions were detailed and concise, like she had used the escape route herself many times.

Harry quickly scurried out of the chair and towards the door she was now holding open for him, but before he made his departure he turned back to look at her one more time. “Thank you for the tea, Y/N,” he said, previous panic traded for sincerity on his face.

“You’re welcome, Harry. I quite enjoy your company,” she confessed. “We will have to do this again.”

He smiled softly before turning on the ball of his foot and taking off down the hallway. As he rounded the corner and disappeared, she heard the front door open and William’s lumbering footsteps clomp onto the shiny marble tile of the foyer. Her eyes flickered back towards the two tea cups that sat on the small table in the library, knowing if William came to find her, he would inquire about who she had tea with. Gritting her teeth and letting out a sigh, she made her way to the front door to greet him.  But not before she closed the library door tight behind her and made a mental note to ask Mary to retrieve the cups.

“Hello my dearest,” she breathed through her perfectly rehearsed smile. “How was your visit with Gregory today?”

“Fine,” he dismissed, leaning in to kiss her cheek and scratching her skin with the stubbly mustache he was desperately trying to grow for some reason. “What’s for dinner?”

“I can go ask Mrs. Jefferson if you would like,” she offered, always feeling odd when she referred to Mary by her last name. He didn’t answer her with words, just a negative grunt that she assumed was denying her attempt at escape.

“Is that a new corset?” he asked abruptly and she watched in disgusted horror as his eyes settled in on her chest. She knew that she was just a warm body to him most of the time, but his grotesque excuses for manners always shocked her.

She pressed her lips together into a hard line, holding back every awful thing she could think of that she wanted to spit in her husband’s direction. Instead, she just sighed and gave him a kurt “yes.”

“Alright,” he grumbled. “They looked bigger. I thought you might finally be pregnant.”

Just the thought of being pregnant with William’s child made her want to refund her lunch onto his riding boots. She could only imagine what a child consisting half of him would look like. She hoped it wouldn’t inherit his bulbous nose, or his beady eyes, or his sparse black hair that seemed to be perpetually greasy.

She prayed every day that the rank smelling tea Mary gave her to drink every morning was enough to stave off a pregnancy forever. It came from a healer woman a few counties over, that some insisted was a witch, but the tea had kept her from falling pregnant so far and she had no plans of stopping her morning routine anytime soon. She didn’t care if the woman was Satan himself, as long as she never began to swell with whatever creature William routinely attempted to put inside her.

“No.” She tried to sound regretful. “I started my cycle this morning.”

“Too bad,” he said, eyes still staring down the front of her dress. “We will just have to keep trying.”

He eventually stopped oggoling her, starting down the hallway and leaving her in the foyer without another word. She let out the sigh of relief that she always did when he left her, releasing the tightly wound ball of stress inside of her that tightened whenever he was near, but she felt it return to her when she sat down at the long dining room table for dinner later that day.

She sipped her wine carefully, watching her husband scarf down his meal at the other head of the table, thankful for the long wooden surface that kept her far from him. But for the first time in forever, her husband and his revolting habits were not at the forefront of her mind.

Her thoughts were occupied almost exclusively by Harry. Surely it was because he was new, like when a little girl receives a new doll and it becomes the center of her universe until the novelty wears off. She also realized she knew almost nothing about him, cursing herself for overrunning their conversation with her own story before they were rudely interrupted. But the small fragments she did know about him, like his love of nature, the care he took for his mother and sister, and his general kindness and care for those around him, had begun to take root in her brain and she just couldn’t shake him.

“What are you thinking about?” William seemed to shout across the table, pulling her from her dreamland.

“I was trying to decide what china pattern we should use for this year’s spring gala,” she lied seamlessly.

“There will be no spring gala this year,” he said with a mouth full of food. “I’ll be in France on business.”

The spring gala was the highlight of her dismal life and she couldn’t help but feel like she had just been punched in the gut by the news. It was a celebration on the spring solstice that the Taylor family had been holding for the last century and was the most lavish and exciting event of the year. There was endless food and drink among lively music and beautiful opulent gowns, but most of all, there were people. This party was a priceless connection to the outside world and to have it ripped away like this was heartbreaking.

“But I’ve already had a dress made,” she weakly argued, picturing the light blue satin ball gown overlaid with a delicate white floral lace.

“You can wear it next year. I have to go to France for six weeks.”

“What is in France that is so important?”

William let out a frustrated huff and looked up from his plate for the first time to shoot her a threatening glare. He was not used to this sort of push back from the usually docile woman, even if her passivity was a meticulously rehearsed act. “A lady should not concern herself with her husband’s business.”

Knowing not to push the conversation, she kept her mouth shut but shot him angry daggers for the duration of the meal. She barely touched her food, but she continued to drain and refill her wine glass.

He pushed himself away from the table after his plate was all but licked clean, looking over at her crossed arms and slumped drunk body in the chair at the other end of the room. “I know you enjoy the gala,” he spoke as gentle as his brooding voice could. “But we will not be discussing this manner any further.”

“Fine,” she said curtly. When he turned to leave the room, she childishly stuck her purple tongue out behind him. She listened to the small bursts of air Grace released next to her, stifling laughter. She grinned lazily at the young girl clearing his plate. “What a pompous knob,” she muttered as she pushed herself away from the table and exited the grand dining room through the opposite exit William had taken. She heard Siobhan’s delicate footsteps following behind as she marched towards her bedroom, the thoughtful woman knowing she wouldn’t be able to undo her tightly laced corset with her currently clumsy fingers.

Siobhan held her hand and securely guided her up one of the many massive staircases that inhabited the mansion, saving her when she tripped on the fabric of her dress. Y/N was thankful for her support, but couldn’t stop thinking about how her contact with Harry felt earlier in the day felt so different. She had originally attributed the electric feeling to the cold, and then considered it a result of not being touched by another person in so long. But Siobhan’s hand did not hold the same sparks.

She stood facing the mirror in her bedroom and stared at herself as Siobhan carefully removed the layers upon layers of her clothing. Her fingers skillfully released the corset from her body and Y/N took in what felt like the first real breath she had taken all day, leaving her in the bright white shift dress that was the first layer she put on every morning.

“Siobhan,” she spoke softly as if she didn’t want to disturb the silence, “do you believe in true love?”

She was quiet for a moment before she answered. “I think I do.”

“Do you think everyone gets to have it?”

“I think everyone has chances, but not everyone actually gets it.”

“Do you think a life with William is a life worth living?” 

Y/N’s own question startled herself, her lips letting the words materialize and fall from them without her consent. Her eyes fell towards the floor, unwilling to make eye contact with the other woman in the mirror after the jarring question.

“Y/N, you have had a tad too much wine tonight to be asking big questions like that.”

“I know.” Her voice was just above a whisper and laced with shame. “Will you get me my nightgown? I want to go down to the library and read before bed.” Siobhan nodded behind her, slipping the lilac fabric and wrapping a cream colored night robe around her, before helping her back down the stairs and into her library.

She ripped a dark red leather bound book off the shelf, not particularly caring what it was called or what it was about, plopping herself down on the ground next to the warm fireplace. She just needed to be somewhere else, transported far away from the nightmare that had become her life.

It took three pages before tears began to prick at the back of her eyes. This book wasn’t a tale of pirates, or war, or mythology; it was a romance, one she had read before. It told of a soldier returning home from war to rescue his one true love from a domineering stepmother, sweeping her off her feet and escaping to start a new life together. She remembered that they lived happily ever after at the end.

She couldn’t help the jealousy and sadness that boiled within her, mourning for a love and a life she would never get to have. She would be trapped within the giant fortress that had been designed to keep enemies out, but had ended up keeping her shut inside with her own nemesis. She grieved for a life she would never be able to experience.

A gentle knock on the door interrupted her wallowing. She didn’t recognize it. Mary knocked loudly, but only once, and William always knocked three times, with Grace and Siobhan usually knocking softly twice.  

She unwillingly dragged her still wobbly limbs off the ground and made her way towards the door. When she opened it, she was met with the bright green eyes that had been stuck in her head all day.

“Harry,” she greeted with a weak smile, trying her best to wipe all her tears off of her hot and angry cheeks. “What are you doing here?”

“I was hoping to borrow a book from your collection, but I can come back later,” he said hurriedly, eyebrows knitting together as he took in her tears.

“No, come in,” she said, sniffling and stepping aside so he could enter.

“Y/N,” he said with concern in his voice, his gaze narrowing in on her like the books no longer existed, abandoning his original goal of the visit. “Are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him, not sure if she was telling the truth or not. She held her robe close to her body, trying to hide herself from embarrassment, refusing to make eye contact with him and directing her attention towards the walls. “Uh-,” she stumbled over her words, “what kind of book were you looking for?”

He got the hint to stop his line of questioning about her emotional state, turning his body to face the walls as well. “I was going to ask you for recommendations.”

Her heart swelled with his words. No one had asked her about her opinions on anything other than drapes or china patterns in years. In this house, she was meant to be a proper lady, and proper ladies weren’t allowed to have brains with real thoughts or opinions.

“I have a few,” she cleared her throat. “I keep my favorites on this shelf,” she said, directing him to follow her. The shelf was at eye level for her and when she went to stand in front of it, she felt Harry hovering over her shoulder, his warm breath falling over the skin on the back of her neck. He was too close, far too close for ‘proper society,’ and too close for a married woman to be to a single man. But she couldn’t bring herself to ask him to move back because all she wanted in the world was for him to move even closer.

“These are adventure stories,” she stammered and pointed to a few, thrown off by his proximity, “and these are mysteries.” He hummed in her ear as she spoke. “And these,” she spoke softly and pointing towards the largest section of books, “are romance.”

She stepped aside so he could examine the spines of the novels, watching closely as he recited their names under his breath, perfect pink lips moving smoothly as he spoke quietly. She couldn’t take her eyes off of them. She jumped when he moved to grab a book off the shelf, breaking the trance she had fallen into as she took in his incandescent glow.

“I think I’ll take this one,” he said just above a whisper when he turned back to face her, his face hovering only inches above hers. Their faces were so close, one move and their lips would connect, indulging herself in her wildest fantasies since she had met this man only days ago. He brought the book up beside their faces and she quickly stole a glance.

Pride and Prejudice, was embossed in gold on the dark purple cover. It was new, but had quickly become her favorite romance of all time.

Her eyes connected with his once again, taking in the mischievous glint they held and the boyish smirk that had found its way onto his lips. His smile was contagious, her previous angry tears swapped for a small grin of her own. “Who doesn’t love a romance?” he asked her, smirk turning into a dimpled grin.

She wanted to reach out and grab him by the lapels of his jacket when he stepped back from her and pull his face to meet her own. She wanted to tell him not to go, to lock the door, and take her on the couch. She wanted to ask him to take her far away from this fortress and never return again. But she didn’t. She just let him walk to the door, a new book tucked under his arm.

“Before I go,” he said abruptly, turning around once again to face her. “I have a question.”

“I have an answer,” she quipped, earning a laugh from the man that sounded like the most beautiful symphony she could have ever imagined.

“There’s ivy crawling up the house on the east wall. Would you like me to take it down?”

His words reminded her that he wasn’t some gallant rescuer coming to save her from a loveless marriage and bring her to a better life. No, he was the groundskeeper of her husband’s estate. Her heart sank slightly, but she was glad to be back in reality.

“Let it grow,” she instructed softly. “Let’s see where it goes.”

Chapter Two

Reblogs and feedback mean the world!!

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

Fear Fear by Working Men’s Club

“Trapped inside a town, inside my mind” - the self-titled debut from Yorkshire outfit Working Men’s Club will forever remind me of the strangest of times.

When the album was released in late 2020, the world was still tightly locked into some fairly strict COVID restrictions. Here in the UK, although things had opened up somewhat, live music was still a way off returning. This meant any band promoting a new record had to think outside the box for their album launch shows. For example, I went along to the launch event for Working Men’s Club’s first album here in Nottingham and reflecting on it now just seems so strange.

Firstly, the band couldn’t perform live, so basically a projector in the bar played a video of them performing instead. Even though the band themselves were in attendance at the venue! Then everyone in the crowd was sat down at socially distanced tables and once the video performance had finished, frontman Syd Minsky-Sargeant begun to play a DJ set. However, before he had even gotten into the swing, everyone was ushered out of the bar because of the 10pm curfew. A fun but quite bizarre night and obviously not the ideal launch conditions for a new band just starting out!

However, despite the restrictive nature of the release, Working Men’s Club came through and their debut was a decent commercial and critical success. Placing 13th in my final Albums of 2020 list, it was also my highest rated debut of that year. Now just two years on, Working Men’s Club get what feels like a second shot at making a first impression, with this their excellent sophomore album - Fear Fear. Not completely rid of the association with the pandemic, Fear Fear arrives packed with songs troubled by loss, panic, isolation and trepidation. However just like their debut, the album’s dark underbelly is glossily sheened over thanks to the neon-soaked drench of pulsating, nostalgia-laced electronica.

Opener 19 is an early highlight, featuring a glitchy instrumental rumble of ominous synths, that slowly build before morphing halfway through into what could easily be mistaken for a dark and gloomy New Order track. After that, the album’s title track interrupts with a cacophonous drone of acid-soaked and quite alarming electronic shakes. As the Caribbean-style drums kick-in, suddenly the track becomes a swirling vortex of buzzy, vibrant sounds. It's one of the album’s more experimental tracks and may put some people off early doors, however addictive lead single Widow then arrives to pull everyone back onside. With a mesmerising central synth groove, Working Men’s Club continue to channel New Order and the spirit of a 90s Madchester rave to maximum effect.

Another single Ploys then keeps the momentum going with some very welcome early Hot Chip energy before the 80s-tinged, mini-epic Cut takes the listener on a mind-melting sonic adventure. After the trippy clanks of Rapture, recent single Circumference then serves up a colourful rainfall of glowing synths - a must-listen for any Nation of Language fans. The album then finishes strongly thanks to the playful funk bounce of Heart Attack, the jittering robo-dance of Money Is Mine and the climatic, whirring finale of aptly titled track, The Last One.

Working Men’s Club may have set a high standard with their debut, but it’s great to hear them continue to ride their wave of momentum on this very solid second outing. With a dark, moody aura, lots of fun sonic exploration and plenty of replay ability, you’ll struggle to have a bad time listening to this one.

Listen here

Hellfire by Black Midi

Elsewhere this week, experimental rockers Black Midi are back at their batshit best with their third album - Hellfire.

Whilst I wasn’t completely taken with their debut Schlagenheim, last year’s sophomore outing Cavalcade did win me over with its frequently fascinating and erratic sonic leaps between jazz, math, prog and art-rock. Hellfire pretty much picks up where that album left off, but with the big difference being that Midi finally start to knit things together to bring some semblance of cohesiveness to their auditory madness. Coming from the opposite end of the spectrum to The Weeknd’s Dawn FM, a polished pop record about the beauty of the afterlife, Hellfire feels almost like its bleak, demented cousin. Also featuring radio transmission interludes, it’s a brutal rock opera focussing in on the horrors of war and humanity.

Its hard to pick out certain tracks as highlights, as this really is a record that demands to be listened as a whole body of work – the bonkers rollercoaster from beginning to end being the real highlight. However, I did see this week second track Sugar/Tzu described as “the soundtrack to a James Bond chase scene, if James Bond was played by a cartoon mouse” which I thought was too perfect a description to not include here. Elsewhere Welcome To Hell with its stuttering riffs and rambunctious orchestration also stands out, as does folky, subdued centrepiece Still and the theatrical, early Wild Beasts-style shades of tracks like The Race Is About To Begin and 27 Questions.

Black Midi will always be a marmite band and if you weren’t a fan before then this is certainly not the album to get you onboard. However, if you enjoyed the over-the-top dramatics and frenzied ridiculousness of their previous two efforts, you might even find this to be their best album yet.

Listen here

The Present Is A Foreign Land by Deaf Havana

“Overall, The Present Is A Foreign Land is a magnificent rebirth – a deeply personal record from beginning to end, simply brimming with all the heart and resilience the Veck-Gilodi brothers could muster. Although they probably didn’t realise it at the time, everything they’ve been through seems to have been a blessing in disguise. And whilst not everyone has been through the same battles as them, an album that documents coming through unimaginable lows to ultimately have a more optimistic outlook for the future, couldn’t feel any timelier.”

Read my full review for Gigwise here

Read my full interview with Deaf Havana for Gigwise here

Listen to the album here

Also out, also great: Why You Lacking Energy by Cassia, World Wide Pop by Superorganism, I Exist EP by Vukovi, Beatopia by Beabadoobee, A Kid Name Cudi (Re-release) by Kid Cudi

Tracks of the Week

Guitar Songs (TV / The 30th) by Billie Eilish

On the tracks front this week then and global pop sensation Billie Eilish made a return with her first new music since her history-making headline set at Glastonbury last month. Titled Guitar Songs, this duo of heartfelt acoustic songs see Billie and her brother FINNEAS return to their early roots with some gorgeous, stripped-back, no-fuss songwriting.

Listen here

Alright by Sam Fender

Also currently conquering festivals across Europe this summer, Geordie Springsteen Sam Fender has dropped his first new music of 2022. Written during the Seventeen Going Under sessions, it thematically fits the personal and reflective nature of that album, whilst featuring his signature mix of soaring guitars and big bold horns, along with a climatic refrain of “We’re alright, it’s time to put the world to rights.”

Listen here

How Will I Know? by The Amazons

Reading rockers The Amazons continue the build towards their third album, this week unveiling the album’s opening and spiritual title track. As with recent singles Bloodrush and Ready For Something, it continues to suggest the band’s songcraft is maturing nicely with How Will I Know If Heaven Will Find Me looking set to be their most accomplished project to date. As for the track itself, it boasts a huge singalong chorus that will surely go down an absolute storm at their upcoming summer festivals appearances.

Listen here

Kill Or Be Killed by Muse

The latest single to be taken from Muse’s upcoming album Will of the People is another welcome return to their early heavier roots. Featuring hard chainsaw-like riffs, pulverizing synths and Bellamy’s signature operatic vocals, it’s easily one of their best songs for a very long time.

Listen here

So Far So Good by Gold Tides

And last but certainly not least, Sante Fe outfit Gold Tides have released their first new music since their impressive debut 2021 EP, Fever Water. Featuring a wonderfully hazy and psychedelic central guitar groove with an instantly catchy refrain of “Through the Void I Saw It / Through The Flames I Saw It”, Gold Tides continue to show bags of potential.

Listen here

[babbushka]

Biting Dust - Ch.2

Life ain’t too easy for a woman, ‘specially not a woman on the run like you. With a bounty on your head and gunpowder in your nose, you’ve grown adjusted to a life of solitude away from the hustle and bustle of civilization. That is, until you meet one particular man who’s got a face you’d only ever seen in your dreams – or on wanted posters. And when he offers you a proposition that sounds too good to be true, well. You don’t think your life will ever be the same again…

Outlaw!Kylo Ren x Reader

Tumblr Masterlist | Available on AO3

4.7k ; Content warnings: Mild angst (old west existentialism, mentions of hanging lol)

                                           -------------------------------

The shock of the sight in front of you has you starin’ at this man with your mouth agape, with just one question running through your head – how? How is he still alive?

He’s clearly swingin’, or no, maybe he isn’t, you realize as you ask Agnes to trot over with urgency. This man, the thief, is precariously balanced on the hide of his horse just so, just so that he must be alleviating some of the pressure around his throat where the noose is wrapped tight. You can’t quit starin’, Agnes coming up beside the great black horse who chuffs and whinnies softly at the strange new presence in front of her.

“Good evening ma’am,” The man uses what little purchase he has to spin himself around on the noose to face you, small grunts of his struggle wrenching out of his chest as he tries not to choke himself any more than he already is, “Could you do a fellow a favor and reach into the knapsack on my horse, use the knife that’s in the left pocket, and cut me down?”

It’s absurd, you think as your eyebrows shoot up, the way that he manages to seem so nonchalant, given his predicament. But the moment he manages to turn and face you fully, any amused notions of his calm vanish, replaced only by the weight of the features which you’re now confronted with.

He’s a collection of pieces that don’t make no sense, shouldn’t go together the way they do. His hair is long and dark as it waves and curls, but his ears stick out beyond the locks. His nose juts out strongly, but it looks like it’s been broken once or twice. A pink tongue darts out to lick plush plump lips, framed by a soft looking goatee, sharp cheeks, but a weak chin. Most of all though, are his eyes. They’re somehow both beady and cunning, calculating and warm, or well…his left eye is.

He’s got a scarred over gash that practically splits his face, something between a burn wound and a cut, halfway in the middle. Whatever it was that gave that to him, took his eye with it, or at least tried to. It’s still there, but it’s milky white, whereas the other one glows a liquid chocolate as the light of the setting sun hits it.  

He’s handsome, utterly and completely handsome.

He’s also still hanging by that noose, and you still don’t know how he ain’t dead, so despite all of that, you can’t help but blurt out,

“What the fuck is this?”

The man clearly was not expecting such a question, because he almost loses his footing on the black horse’s hide, and goes sputterin’ for a moment as he tries to right himself.

“Excuse me?” He’s got some sense of humor, you think, because he’s frowning at you, scowlin’, when he steadies himself once more.

“How are you doin’ that?” You clarify, gesturing with one hand to the fact that he’s alive, how he must’ve been hanging here for two whole days, and is still alive.

“Well,” The man sighs, and you can imagine that were his hands not bound behind his back, he might’ve scratched at his chin or his scalp. “I think my old girl Sam here is trying to teach me a lesson. She won’t come close enough to make this easy for me, but I figured if she were really sick and tired of my bullshit, she’d’ve rode off and let me hang. You know how horses get sometimes.”

Who is this person, who is so seemingly confident and sure of himself, and simultaneously must be the most lucky motherfucker to ever live? You can’t tell if you wanted to smack him or kiss him. Maybe both, but that decision can stay safely locked inside your brain. Even after the two minutes that you’ve known this man, something tells you that his ego would go through the roof if you gave him the satisfaction of a kiss.

“Oh do I.” You bite back a raised brow. While his presumptions may be correct, you were taken slightly aback with how freely he was willing to give them.

“Yes ma’am, I can tell by the way your horse is lookin’ up at you. Sam gives me those same looks, well, when she ain’t bein’ so difficult, of course.” He grumbles, and the black horse, Sam, seems to chuff in exasperation.

The sun is setting faster now, and you start to feel anxious. Surely folks would be still eatin’ dinner by now, surely no one would start walkin’ out and about at night, aside from those who take some comfort in the music and beer in the saloon. Surely no one would see you, see you talking to the hanged man, but…but suppose they did.

What would they do then?

What would you do?

You frown, wanting to get this whole interaction over with. You’ve resolved to cut him loose, but first, you’d like the honor at least bein’ introduced to this strange wonder of a man. You’d like to know just whose life you’re saving.

It ain’t often, that you go around saving lives instead of taking them.

“Quit calling me ma’am.” It’s too formal, too proper for the kind of woman that you are, somethin’ about it reminds you of your mother and – you nip that in the bud real fuckin’ quick.

“Yes sir.” The man offers with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes, and you wonder if he ever smiles. He’s certainly got the humor for it, but as far as his face has moved, those lips are held firmly in a scowl, even as his eyes sparkle.

Without getting off of Agnes, you reach into a knapsack of your own and pull out a knife. It’s nothing too fancy, but the blade is sharp and it should do the trick.

“I have a couple questions.” You begin sawing at the thick rope which binds his hands together, carefully twisting him so that you can have a better angle. You don’t want to accidentally cut his flesh, don’t want to do anything other than get some information and be on your way.

“Please, ask away.” The man is sarcastic, and the thought of stabbing him clean through the chest flits across your mind like a smooth stone over a pond. Although, as you brace yourself against his back with one hand to keep yourself steady when you cut through the rope, you’re not surprised at all to find he’s made of nothin’ but hard muscle.

“What’s your name?” The rope gives way and immediately he wastes no time rubbing at the chafed skin around his wrists, cracking the joints that had gone so stiff.  

“I ain’t so sure you’d’ve ever heard of me, but I go by the name of Kylo Ren.” He says quietly, gauging your reaction.

It isn’t one that he expects.

Something inside you lights up like the flickering flare of a candle, and before you know it, you’re reaching for your gun and holding it steady in his direction. Immediately, his newly freed hands go up in a display of surrender, but you don’t dare waver, not one inch. After all you were willin’ to do for him, you’d take it back in a heartbeat – you ain’t got no desire to go helpin’ a lying man.

“Bullshit.” You spit, drawing the word out into two different syllables, scowling at him.

He wasn’t Kylo Ren, he couldn’t be. Kylo Ren was a legend, a myth of epic proportions. They’d be singin’ songs about him and his gang until kingdom come, they’d be tellin’ stories about his escapades and adventures ‘til the cows came home. Kylo Ren was uncatchable, he was elusive, no one had ever met his wrath and walked away -- there was no way that here he was caught in front of you. Just because this man was blind in the same eye didn’t mean nothin’, lots of folks had injuries like that, and it makes you mad to know he’s hidin’ behind someone else’s identity.

“Beg pardon?” He almost sounds offended that you don’t believe him, and that only makes you more angry.

What, did he think you were stupid? Did he think you were so easily swayed by pretty falsehoods? Naw, you might’ve been easy on the eyes but you had a mind sharp as a tack, and he wasn’t going to make a fool out of it.

“There ain’t no way Kylo Ren would get himself strung up and left in a tree to die. So I’m going to ask again, and you’re going to tell me, otherwise I’ll shoot you clean through the gut and then you’ll have wished they hanged you right.” The gun doesn’t move, and instead of growing angry or brash or violent in the way you might expect a man to act while he’s starin’ down a barrel, he flushes a deep red.

“You’re mighty quick with that, I have to admit I’m impressed.” He chews on his lip, eyes crinkling up at the corners while he blushes and mumbles softly, “I like a woman who can handle her steel.”

“I like an honest man.” You counter, cocking the trigger. His reaction to bein’ held at gunpoint was nothin’ like you’d ever seen before, you’d never in your wildest dreams imagined you’d meet someone who thought being threatened like this was a turn-on.

“Kylo Ren’s the most honest answer I can give you.” He shrugs simply. He speaks with a sincerity that you still have a hard time believing, but there ain’t much you can do about it, you’ve done too much already, wasted too much time.  

You’ve wasted so much time, here with this man already.

“If you’re Kylo Ren, then I’m Angel Eyes.” You huff, wondering how he might feel about that, if he’d ever heard of you in return.

You’re countin’ on him thinkin’ that you’re bluffing, countin’ on him to throw his head back and laugh, to underestimate you. He doesn’t, instead of all of that, he only blushes a little harder, looking away from your gun and straight into your soul. Whether he’s heard of you or not, his eyes are wide and hopeful, starin’ at you like you put the stars in the sky.

“Won’t you cut me down, Angel?” Kylo asks, voice velvety and deep. The sun gleams off his teeth in a glint that has you realizing most of the ones on the bottom are made of gold, as the last slips of light make one last hurrah over the canyons.

He’s charming, too charming. Even with the noose around his neck, even still balancing like a moron on the back of his horse, he’s charming. A man like that is bound to be nothing but trouble, you think. You don’t know why, but something deep in your bones tells you that he won’t be leaving you alone so easily, once you cut him free.

If you cut him free.

But the sun is setting faster faster faster, and the last of the orangeredyellow is gone from the sky, leaving only the dusky blues and purples of twilight. There’s no more time for games, and you both know it.

“God dammit.” You sigh in aggravation, eventually giving in and holstering your gun once more.

You nudge Agnes to move a little closer, and she obliges warily. The rope around his neck requires a bit of elbow grease to saw through with your knife, but it only takes a couple of minutes before it too gives way, like the rope around his wrists had.

As soon as the tension around his neck disappears, Kylo loses his balance and falls off his horse with a great big thud, and you roll your eyes. Putting the knife back in your own knapsack, you don’t really pay much attention to whatever the hell he’s doing on the floor, trying to get his footing after two whole days of being stretched out. His muscles are probably on fire, burning from the effort to not succumb to strangulation, but that’s ain’t really your problem.

“Alright Ren, you’re free to go. I suggest you find some salve for that nasty burn you’ve got – hold it right the fuck there.” When you do eventually look up, it’s to see Kylo standing too close.

Far too close.

Your gun is back, and you jab it straight in the hollow of his scarred cheekbone. For having such good reflexes that you do, he caught you completely off-guard by popping up the way he just had. How was he so tall? He didn’t look that tall up in the tree, the man must be over six heads high. Once again, his hands are up over his head in surrender, and you’re confused, jumpy. You don’t like strange men gettin’ too close to you, don’t like it one bit.

“I ain’t gonna hurt you! I swear.” He rushes to say with a shake of his head, “You saved my life, I’m in grateful service to you. Wherever you go I’ll follow, and keep you safe from harm, until the day my debt can be repaid.”

Kylo realizes then, that he must’ve messed up, said the wrong thing. You can see it in his eyes, or at least, the one good eye he’s got, the one that ain’t scarred over and milky white. You can tell he didn’t mean to go causin’ no offence by offering you his protection, not at all.

“I don’t need any help, not from you, or from anyone.” Your tone softens just a little when you regard him, lowering the gun that you’d had held firmly against his cheek. You decide that there’s no use in blowin’ his head off, no point in wastin’ a bullet when you could’a just let him hang.

Kylo seems to know this, and when your gun isn’t digging into his cheekbone any longer, he takes a hesitant step towards you, so close, too close.

“Well then,” Kylo’s voice is equally soft, soft and deep in a way that’s almost unnerving, how it can be so soothing. He kicks up some of the reddened earth below his boots, sticks his hands in his pockets and gives you the most honest not-smile you’ve seen in your life as he blushes, “Looks like we’ll be together for a mighty long time.”

The sun is completely down now, darkness creeping in all around. You need to get away from this place, need to put some distance between yourself and the town, between you and Kylo, so you simply urge Agnes forward, and without another thought, you’re galloping into the great unknown.

 Agnes is fast, even in the dark.

Maybe especially in the dark, you think. She’s always had a penchant for roaming around at night, in fact, it was at night that you had found her. That was seemingly eons ago, and you don’t have the energy to mull about in your head dwelling on the past more than you already do.

In the moment, there, right there in the desert, it is a clear night. Light from the moon is bright and pale, a silvery wash of deep toned blues and a million stars in constellations you have memorized like the back of your hand illuminate the vast expanse of nothingness ahead of you.

Agnes is fast, but Kylo’s horse has no trouble keeping up, and though you’re not entirely surprised just because of the sheer size of the creature, you’re still impressed. Sam can’t quite match Agnes, her small stature making her all the more quicker, more streamlined that the midnight creature. It’s a slight observation you can’t help but make, their colors. Where Sam is pitch black, Aggie’s coat is glossy white and reflects the moon easily so Kylo can keep up.

When was the last time you rode like this with another person? Not away from someone, but with them? Kylo can’t see you grinning, the dark cloaking your smile as your hair whips around your head, but you are. You are, out there in the dark, flying through the canyons under the moonlight, putting that distance that you need between yourself and the town. No one would find you, no one would even know where to look, should they come try.

You don’t trust him, you don’t trust Kylo one bit, but you have to admit that the fact he hasn’t killed you point blank and stolen all your possessions means a lot. You’re not really in the business to go around trustin’ strangers, you’ve spent nearly your whole adult life alone, on the run. Now wasn’t the time to start…but it felt good, to be with another soul.

Eventually, when you’ve had your fun, when Agnes and Sam have stretched their legs enough, you and Kylo slow them down to a trot. You’ve come to the edge of the canyon here, so neither of you move any closer. Leaning over ever so slightly, you can hear the gentle trickle of water, can see the light sparkle of moonlight glittering off the rippling water of what has to be the Colorado River a thousand feet below in a gorge that you’ll have to descend in the morning. The map had named this place Horseshoe Bend, and you’re looking forward to seeing it in the daylight.

Neither of you are anywhere near Colorado yet, you’re actually closer to Utah than anything else, but you know that if you can just stick close to the river, you’ll be going in the right direction. Kylo notices you noticing the river, and eventually he pulls gently on the reins to get Sam to come to a soft stop.

This is a good place for the night, you think, and you swing your legs off Agnes’ back. Kylo mimics your movements, coming over slowly and carefully so that you hear him.

You don’t know it, but he doesn’t want to scare you again like he had by the tree, he doesn’t want to scare you ever again.

You’re too tired to protest when he begins helping you lift the bags off Aggie’s saddle, his arms are far bigger and stronger than yours, and though you want to tell him to fuck off with his chivalry, you’re undeniably grateful for the help.

Kylo seems to notice, and you’re just glad that he doesn’t make a whole to-do about it. He must be exhausted too, you’re sure.

Not exhausted enough to let you simply throw down a bundle of something for a pillow and sleep though, as he lights a match on the sole of his boots and tosses it onto a small pile of dry brush and sticks that he scrounges up quickly. The fire makes you wary, wary that someone might see, but you’re too close to the gorge for it to be a problem. No one would dare come rushing towards you here, lest they’d be risking falling straight over the edge and cracking their skulls on the rocks below.  

Watching as Kylo makes the fire and keeps it steady, you wrap a blanket around your shoulders. Nighttime got chilly out in the desert, and you’re lucky to have such a beautifully made blanket to keep you warm. You had purchased it just earlier this year at a trading post, it to this day it remained your most prized possession.

A woman had had a selection for sale or trade, hand woven wool in the most striking of patterns, and when you saw the black and beige striped one, you had given her all the money in your pocket for it. You wear it with respect, always make sure to keep it clean and mended, folded neatly in your bag, always remembering that human hands had created this, remembering that it is the skill of that woman and her hands which keeps you warm, keeps you alive on the harsher desert nights.

Kylo has no blanket of his own, or if he does, he doesn’t bother to wear it. Instead, he lies down close to the fire and adjusts his arms behind his head so that it can act as a pillow. You wonder how he can be comfortable like that, but you bite your tongue. If he’s doing this in an attempt at manliness, you won’t be so quick to give in to the bait.

You are looking at him though, with enough interest that Kylo feels the need to clear his throat.  

“Where are we headed, then?” He asks quietly as he settles down, shuffles a little closer to the fire.

You meet his gaze, but there’s nothing upsetting about the intensity of his eye contact. In fact, lying on opposite sides of the small fire like this, your faces cast warm by the glow of the soft flames, you feel almost as though you’re in a spell, caught in his eyes.

Where were you headed, where were you headed really? What a loaded question, you think.

He’s lookin’ at you, and you’re lookin’ back at him, and unshed tears prick the back of your eyelids just for a moment because if you think about it too hard, you’ll realize that in the end, you’re headed where all the wanderers, drifters, loners and outlaws head; “Nowhere.”

Kylo gives you the ghost of a smile, and shrugs, reaching forward enough to light a hand-rolled cigarette by the embers of the small campfire.

“I’ve always wanted to go there.” He says softly, and you can’t help but let a small chuckle slip through your lips. Kylo offers the cigarette to you, but you shake your head and decline, never havin’ gotten much into smokin’. He nods in understanding and puffs on it once or twice, blowing blue smoke up into the night sky.

“Are you always like this?” Tightening the blanket around your shoulders a little more, you try and get some sort of idea of who this person was. You’d always been a decent judge of character, well, you had to be, all alone like you were. Get betrayed one too many times, you start seein’ the signs of shifty drifters from a mile away.

But with him, with Kylo, you can’t sniff out anything rotten in him, not yet. Maybe it’ll come out in a day or two, hell, maybe it’ll come out in an hour once you’re fast asleep. If you wake up and he’s still there, if you even wake up at all tomorrow, you’ll be more surprised of that than anything in the world.

“That depends.” Kylo finally replies around the huff and puff of his cigarette, giving you more of those vague half truths that you can already tell are going to drive you over the cliff.

“On what?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“On whether you like it or not.” He gives you another one of those not-smiles, where he somehow looks at you, straight through you, with all the warmth of an old friend, though he be but a total stranger. You scrub a hand down your face in exasperation; it ain’t hard to see why Sam wanted him to suffer a little bit, back by the tree, you think.

“Let’s say for argument’s sake that I don’t.” You offer, and Kylo lets out a sharp breath of a laugh through his nose.

“Then yes, I’m always like this.” Kylo smokes pleasantly, and you curl in on yourself, and roll onto your back.

There’s a million stars up there, you’re sure. Maybe a hundred million, a million million. You used to tell the stories of the constellations to your students – no, you think. Don’t go down that memory lane, the one fraught with fire and anguish.

Shaking your head slightly, you open up your eyes as wide as they’ll go, your pupils swallowin’ up all the light they can. There’s purple white blue clouds in a thick cluster above the gorge, and you know that to be a wisp of the Milky Way. The view is impressive, and humbling. After all, you are nothin’ but a small spec in the universe, aren’t you?

“Ain’t it wild?” Kylo starts to ask, smokin’ and turning his head up to the galaxy above you both. “To think that a thousand years ago, someone was lying where we lay, was starin’ up at these stars we see? To think that a thousand years from now, someone else will be in our position, wonderin’ about their place in the cosmos.”

“What is that you’re smokin’?” You tease softly, no real bite to your words. His baritone nestles into your chest and you feel the thrum of it in your bones, your eyes wetting, not daring to look at him as the fire snaps and crackles between you.

“Nothin’ but tobacco, honest.” Smoke pours out of his nose, his mouth. You can feel his eyes on you, can feel him lookin’. “Don’t you ever think about it, about your place in the world?”

“No.” That answer comes easily enough.

“How come?” Kylo’s voice is a deep deep deep whisper in the night, and it weighs heavy on your stomach as your hands twist in the blanket.

“I don’t got one.” You can’t believe you’re admitting something like this to him, to this stranger.

Something about being here with him, lying so close to another human being for the first time in years, makes you spill all your secrets. You’d told him your name, you’ve never told someone your name. Granted, he probably thought you were just jokin’, but still, whether he knew it or not, he knew the truth. Kylo hasn’t laughed at you yet, though.

He hasn’t mocked you or pushed you in any way. He’s answered your questions and the ones he asked in return weren’t nothin’ of too much trouble. In fact, out of all the men you coulda picked to be stuck with, he seemed like one that wasn’t too shabby. Had a good sense of humor, at the very least, and was calm under pressure, if his behavior by the tree was anythin’ to go off of. He seemed sane enough, or maybe just insane enough. You weren’t sure.

Whichever one it was, it had to be why he had declared undying loyalty to you so quickly. Maybe that was the kind of person he was, Kylo was. Maybe that was all you needed to know about him.

Maybe he was just as lonely as you.

Maybe he hadn’t slept beside another human being in just as long.

The sky above you moves, creeps and crawls at a snails pace, but moves. The Milky Way turns, and with it so do the stars. Your eyes are tired, every part of you is tired, and you shudder from the sheer exhaustion in your muscles. Those seven hours at the hotel were more sleep than you’d gotten in the whole week prior, and it was as if your body remembered how badly you needed that sleep, once you’d gotten it.

You sigh a little to yourself, not so sure when another opportunity like that would come again.  

“You’re cold.” Kylo speaks up enough so you can hear him even as your eyes slip closed, darkness around your vision lulling you into that in-between state of consciousness and slumber.

“I’m fine, the fire’s enough.” You mumble, your words slurring together as you turn closer towards the fire, let the heat of the flame seep into your body, trapping it under your blanket.

“If you’re comfortable with it, you’re more than welcome to come sleep next to me.” He offers, and if you were awake enough, you’d probably chuckle at how bold he is, how forward. You still had your wits about you, still had your decent judgement, you know nothin’ about this man and you don’t trust him as far as you can throw him.

You don’t know anything about him, nothin’ at all. Not even his name.

Maybe you do know his name. The odds of that are so astronomical though, so outta this world, that…well…you’re inclined to believe them.

“Are you really Kylo Ren? The Kylo Ren?” You have to ask, forcing your eyes open to look at him one last time, before you fall asleep completely and deal with whatever trouble tomorrow might bring you.

“I suppose you’ll just have to wait and see, Angel.” Kylo whispers, giving you one of those sincere not-smiles, and looking right back.

[honey-dewey]

Random Dewey Finn headcanons (?) I came up with while eating my breakfast

Before Dewey wanted to be a big rock star, he wanted to be an astronaut. 

His aunt gave him his first guitar for his 10th birthday, thus sparking his love of rock music. 

One of the major reasons he never quit music was because of that aunt. She passed away early, and was constantly the only member of his family that truly believed in him. 

Dewey’s mum was kind of absent, so he was raised primarily by his dad. 

Dewey and Ned met on the first day of high school, and were inseparable for all four years. 

Despite both of them liking both, Dewey likes Star Wars more, while New prefers Star Trek. They have debates of epic proportion over which of these preferences is better. Dewey somehow always wins. 

One of the reasons Ned let Dewey live with him is because Dewey is an amazing cook. He never eats what he makes though. 

His specialty is breakfast foods

While he may be an amazing home cook, he’s an even better baker. 

Dewey is highly sensitive to textures, especially food and fabrics. 

Because of this, he rarely tries new foods, sticking to a decently firm schedule. (He really likes hard boiled eggs) 

It’s also why he likes sweater vests. The actual sweater doesn’t touch his skin, but he can rub his hands up and down the knit when he gets overwhelmed. 

He’s also sensitive to criticism. Along with that, he cries easily. 

After the whole School of Rock incident, Dewey did some quick online classes on teaching. When a music teacher position at Horace Green opened up, he was the first one contacted to fill it. 

During SoR shows, Dewey has a tendency to get very hyped, and this eventually leads to a collapse, usually on the bus ride home. It happened once on stage, where he just went still and quiet all of a sudden and then began to panic. 

All of his kids know exactly what to do during his collapses. 

They made him (yes made him) a stress doll. It weighs about twenty pounds and looks like a panda. They lay it across Dewey’s chest and let him lie down on a blanket. The kids then surround him to make a protective barrier. It’s a very effective method. 

It took almost thirty years for Dewey to get diagnosed with mild autism, anxiety, ADD, and seasonal depression. His mother was a firm believer that mental illness was a hoax. 

He did try and take medication for it, right when he started teaching full-time. It made him nauseous and tired and so unlike himself that he quit after three months, a decision that was fully backed by his students. 

He eventually did go back and get a new prescription for his ADD. It works surprisingly well and doesn’t make him act any less like himself. 

This isn’t even a Headcanon. It’s straight up actual canon from the Broadway.com Stick it to the Man video! Dewey stims! He knocks his wrists together and does the raptor hands! (I don’t think his hands were truly by his side at any point during the entire show) He taps his feet and shakes his hands! His facial expressions are always on 10 and he scronches his face when he’s excited! His head go bop! He’s a stimming Boi!

Also have you ever seen a neurotypical person dress like that? Ever? Nope. Sweater vests and jeans and sneakers (that look like heelys) is not a neurotypical outfit. 

Dewey doesn’t like rainy weather, nor does he like the cold bite of winter. He has a heater and a happy light in his classroom for rainy and/or cold days. 

His favorite season is fall. He really really likes to step on leaves and hear that satisfying crunch. 

Dewey also has a weakened immune system, and is pretty vigilant about his health. He takes vitamins and vitamin D supplements, and yet always ends up with some kind of illness in winter. Despite this, he refuses to get any kind of flu shot. 

Dewey’s list of phobias includes: needles, heights, clowns, and the dark. 

He’s dead terrified of the dentist. Ned has to practically drag him every time. It’s not even that he has poor dental hygiene or has actual odontophobia, he just hates the experience. The combination of strong smells and uncomfortable touches and horrible noises overwhelms him so much. 

For much of the same reasons as his hatred of the dentist, Dewey dreads getting his hair cut. Social interaction mixed with weird feelings on his surprisingly sensitive head and the constant background noise and the hair spray-y smell make it an experience Dewey’s hated since childhood. Now, Ned usually cuts Dewey’s hair because he’s really not picky about how it looks, and Ned knows exactly how to go about the job without causing Dewey to hyperventilate and cry. 

He uses a night light! It’s the fun kind that projects stars on the ceiling. 

Dewey is the king of field trips. He’s always just as eager as the kids to go, and he loves to learn niche facts. His favorite field trip location is the aquarium. 

Dewey quit drinking after his 23rd birthday, when he blacked out and woke up in some random girl’s bed. She promised they didn’t do it, but ever since then, he’s terrified it’ll happen again. 

Speaking of which, Dewey’s a virgin. 

Once, one of Dewey’s female students came to him and said an older man was following her to and from school every day. Dewey was later suspended from work for a week for punching a man and putting him in the hospital. Once they knew why, the school board unanimously decided not to punish him. 

Dewey absolutely insists all of his kids call him Dewey and not Mr. Finn. 

He’s the most supportive teacher in the entire school. He’s got name tags on every desk with each kid’s preferred name and pronouns. When Billy comes out as non-binary, he makes the pronoun switch immediately and puts a beautiful stained glass-esque progress pride flag in one of his windows. 

Someone hatefully vandalized said pride art project and Dewey actually cried. His kids all banded together to make a new one. 

Sometimes, the kids purposefully ask Dewey to sing certain things because his voice gets so damn tender and beautiful, as opposed to the usual bombastic singing they’re used to. (Think like. Some of the 35MM songs) 

Dewey has a routine with his drinks throughout the day. Two cups of coffee in the morning, one at home and one at work. One water bottle before lunch and one after lunch. A Gatorade or some other fitness drink after school, usually during band practice to make up for how sweaty he gets. And one cup of lavender citrus tea with extra honey after dinner. 

He broke his only water bottle about four months into teaching full-time and started to use a plastic one every day. Ned decided that wouldn’t do, and got him a Mandalorian water bottle. Dewey loves it to bits. 

Dewey doesn’t celebrate any one version of a holiday. He’s equal opportunity for any and all holidays, but he grew up Jewish. That doesn’t stop him from helping Ned put up his Christmas tree every year. Nor does it stop him from celebrating Yule with his online friends. 

Despite being Jewish and mainly celebrating their holidays, Dewey loves Christmas music and starts playing it as soon as he can. The kids dare him to hit those ridiculous Mariah Carey high notes in All I Want For Christmas. He does it. 

He also once sang ‘Little Drummer Boy’ to his kids the day before holiday break. He only played his guitar softly and by the time he was done, each and every kid was fast asleep. (He played Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer as well) 

Dewey absolutely collects soft blankets. He has four halloween ones, two Tim Burton ones (a Beetlejuice and a Corpse Bride), eight winter holiday blankets, and three miscellaneous. He brought them all into class once and built a blanket fort to teach his kids about ancient civilization. 

Speaking of which, his teaching methods are unorthodox at best, and at worst downright crazy. But he always teaches and he always makes it memorable. His class has the highest test scores in the school. 

Dewey usually teaches using music or hands on activities. He plays soft background music during every class no matter the circumstances, and said screw the building’s lights and uses primarily lamps and strings of Christmas lights. 

He also kind of forgets that he teaches essentially middle school, and he swears every so often when he’s super passionate. Like when he taught the kids about the US Presidents and called Andrew Jackson a racist bitch and Richard Nixon a lying bastard. 

After getting bullied throughout all of high school, Dewey came to terms with what his body looked like, and now he really doesn’t care. (He did have a lot of fun smashing the scale his mother got him for his birthday once) 

Dewey was supposed to teach his kids about mental illness for a suicide prevention thing the school did, but got about halfway through before he had a breakdown and the kids declared the rest of the day a bust. They watched cute animated movies instead of learning for the rest of the school day. 

Speaking of animated movies, Dewey really loves Studio Ghibli. 

The first time one of his kids called him ‘Dad’ he cried. Then they kept doing it and now he’s had to accept that he’s basically a father to about 30 11-year-olds. 

If you ask any kid in the school who their favorite teacher is, they will not hesitate to answer ‘Mr. Finn.’ Even if they aren’t in his class, he’s their favorite. 

Dewey’s classroom is always open for lunch. It’s quiet and calm, usually with a movie going in the background. 

He also stays after school for about an hour every day, helping kids with homework. He hates math with a passion but that didn’t stop him from trying to figure out Katie’s math homework with her. 

Even at home, Dewey cannot stand the quiet. He either has his headphones on or the radio going. Silence just isn’t an option. 

Dewey once got pneumonia and tried to come in to work anyway. The kids made him go home. He didn’t really put up much of a fight. 

The first instrument Dewey ever learned to play was the piano. He started to learn when he was super young, and that was how he learned how to read music. His kids didn’t even know he knew how to play until they walked in on him practicing one day. 

Dewey says ‘fuck gender roles’ and wears the girl’s skirts to a few SoR concerts. He likes the way it makes his legs look. 

Some jerk parents constantly tried to get Dewey in trouble for months because they didn’t like him and thought he wasn’t ‘high class’ enough for their kid’s education. Dewey was so stunned when they showed up during one of his classes that he couldn’t speak and just started to cry. Said student stood up and called their parents out. Two days later, those parents were off the school board. 

Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, Dewey found out a new kid he’d received was being abused at home because they weren’t getting high enough grades and he yelled at the kid’s parents in front of all the other staff members. 

Essentially, Dewey can’t defend himself at all, but will not hesitate to protect his kids. 

Dewey has said multiple times he would die for his kids. He’s always 100% serious, especially during lockdown drills. 

Once, the school had a lockdown that wasn’t a drill, and Dewey managed to keep his entire class silent and calm while mentally preparing himself to lay his life down for his kids. Thankfully, it didn’t come to that. 

Dewey’s also said he’d seriously consider adopting any of the kids if their at-home situation was that bad. 

When he finally could, Dewey moved out of Ned’s house and into his own cramped loft apartment. He’s in love with the apartment, even though it’s tiny and kinda smells. 

Dewey has almost no concept of volume control. He’s slightly deaf from constantly doing very loud shows and sometimes shouts because he thinks that’s a normal speaking volume. 

As one of, if not the actual, youngest teachers at the school, Dewey is universally adored by the rest of the staff. It took a while for all of them to get on board with him, but now they all really like him. 

Dewey’s favorite fruit is pomegranate. There’s just something super cathartic about cutting into a pomegranate and slowly de-seeding it. Plus, it tastes super good. But he only likes them if he can de-seed them himself. 

One of the ways Dewey grounds himself is by pressing things to his mouth. He usually just puts his hand up on his face or the end of a pen in his mouth, but whenever he has a blanket, one corner is up against his lips. The same goes for stuffed animals. They’re always against his face. Most of the time, he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. 

[fierce-ramyun]

Netflix’s Cowboy Bebop on its own is entertaining and curious. I had issues with the acting but I kept on watching because of the musical score, lol. Got invested halfway through so I was disappointed that they gave an unsatisfying ending. Sure, they hinted a second season but honestly I don’t think I want it.

Guess this means I’ll start watching the anime, then. Please tell me they had the epic face-off of Vicious and Fearless there.

I should say though that I liked the dynamics of the trio. And I may or may not got a crush on John Cho now.

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Top 10 Things I Love About Supernatural

It’s been almost half a year since the show ended and now that the dust has settlIed, I just want to list ten reasons I love this show. Despite it’s flaws, it’s been quite the ride.

1. Team Free Will

When I first got the idea to make this list, I originally planned on doing entirely separate entries for “Sam & Dean” and “Destiel”. Except then I wanted to pay tribute to “Sastiel”. And then I wanted to do an entry for “Team Free Dads”. By that point, I was already halfway through the list and I hadn’t even moved on from the main characters. A few months ago, I made a post about why I love every single pairing in this group. Obviously, Sam and Dean are a legendary duo. Obviously, Dean and Cas have an unparalleled story. Obviously, Sam and Cas are an underrated team. As for Team Free Dads, I’ve always had a soft spot for father/mentor figure characters and and all three tackle the role in different ways. I love Jack, too. I love how everyone in this bizarro family is “broken” in some way. We’ve got the Allistair’s prized pupil, the spawn of satan, the boy with demon blood, and the angel who nearly obliterated all of heaven. But they help each other heal by being supportive and seeing the good in each other. They all love each other so deeply and when together, nothing can stand in their way. Not Michael, not Lucifer, and not God himself. They tore up the book and wrote their own story. And it was a pleasure to watch it all unfold.

2. The Suppporting Characters

To list every single supporting character I have loved and lost in this show would take way too long. I don’t know if it’s the writing or acting performances, but I love pretty much every single supporting character on this show. Even villains like Azazel or Allistair are top-notch villains. Hell, I even like characters like Metatron, Lucifer, Mary, and John! Characters like Rufus, Charlie, Crowley, Rowena, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mick...how am I not supposed to love them??? All of their stories were cut so short. I’d watch a show about any of these characters. The Wayward Sisters were robbed. So many ships were gone too soon (Sam/Rowena, Dean/Jo, Cas/Meg, Etc.). So many heartbreaking deaths. I want to be best friends with all these characters. Why be a “dean-girl” or a “sam-girl” when you can be a garth-girl? A kevin-girl? A claire-girl? A bela-girl? There are so many great characters with interesting and compelling backstories and so much untapped potential. I could go on forever on this, but I digress.This show has one of the best supporting casts I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

3. The Themes

It’s no accident that I got addicted to this show at the time that I did. Namely, my Senior Year of College and 2020. Graduating college and entering the “real world” felt like it’s own sort of apocalypse. 2020 definitely exacerbated my worst tendencies. Messages like “family don’t end in blood”, “you can write your own story”, and “always keep fighting” really resonated with me. I could definitely relate to the feelings of insecurity these character’s felt and the ways they suppressed/repressed their issues instead of facing them. I could relate to the feelings of not fitting in and I could definitely relate to the loneliness. This show helped remind me that I’m not alone. That it’s okay if my values and identity don’t line up with the what I envisioned for myself. And, most importantly, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that I should never give up. If Dean, Sam, and Cas can keep moving forward despite their demons and despite how bad it gets, so can I. Regardless of how the story ended, these themes resonated with me and I’ll still hold them with me. A single episode can’t take that away.

4. The Fun Episodes

This show has so many legendary standalone episodes. Changing Channels. Ghostfacers. The French Mistake. Fan Fiction. Tall Tales. Bad Day at Black Rock. When this show goes for the absurd, it goes all-in. It takes the risks it needs to take, it gets completely insane, and it pulls it off. So many of these episodes could have easily been the moment that the show “jumped the shark”. Yet, time after time, the show delivered on it’s potential. I don’t know how much I can say about these episodes except that they made me laugh out loud, made me fall even harder for these characters, and that they’re the episodes I remember best. If I were to rewatch any episode, it would be one of the fun ones. This show knew how to not take itself too seriously and how to poke fun at itself. I’ve always had a soft spot for shows that can make me laugh and cry (X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Doctor Who, etc.), and this show definitely nails the fun part. 

5. The Sad Episodes

Death’s Door. Hammer of the Gods. Despair. Carry On. Abandon All Hope. In My Time of Dying. Swan Song. When this show wants you to cry, it doesn’t pull the punches. It gets downright devastating. No character is safe. Literally every character you love will either be forgotten or will die. Or both. The amount of trauma Sam and Dean have to go through is insane. Both have literally been to hell and back. Both have killed countless people, including innocents. When this show decides it wants to wreck you, it’s overwhelming. I sobbed when Bobby died. I sobbed when every single member of Team Free Will died for the final time (I still can’t watch any of those scenes). I still wish Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Kevin, Mick, and Gabriel had been given more time to tell their stories. Being a hunter means a life of endless angst. Being an angel or demon doesn’t get you off the hook, either. I remember going into this show thinking it couldn’t hurt me. My favorite character type is “mentor/father figure”. But holy hell...I don’t think every single sad moment was necessarily good writing, but when it was? Damn. 

6. The Biblical Themes

I’m not a relgious person. But, despite this show being steeped in Christian mythology, it really touched on my feelings about the Old Testament in a profound way. Well, really just Ben Edlund and Robbie Thompson did. I’ve never seen a show really hit the overall feel of the bible the way this show does. The idea of Angels as mystical and terrifying creatures. The idea of God as a flawed father figure with a penchant for wrath. The sheer epicness of the biblical stories. The idea of family members constantly being turned on each other. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Essau. Moses and Ramses. Moses and Aaron. Abraham and Isaac. The bible is full of stories of family drama. This show doesn’t always give angels and demons weight. Sometimes it’s silly and stupid and cheesy. But when it hits right? It’s epic. This is more of a personal thing I love about the show, but definitely a plus!

7. The Music

The early seasons music is so good. I really miss the classic rock of the golden era of the show. I mean, there are still some great musical moments later on, but damn. I loved hearing songs I recognized and I loved learning new songs. I loved when the song and the scene hit perfectly in time (Death’s intro. Cas’s return in Season 13.). Also Supernatural wouldn’t be Supernatural without the ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’ song at the end of every season. Even at the end of a season I didn’t love, that recap would always get me pumped. Also Chuck singing Fare Thee Well? Dean and Lee singing together? Fan Fiction? All great. 

8. The Cast & Crew

I never care about the actors or actresses in a show. I definitely don’t bother with the names of specific writers and directors or their styles of writing/directing. They’re just random people who happen to write for or play these characters I love. They’re not actually the characters. But these guys? Well, for one, I’m pretty sure half this cast actually is their character. At least to some degree. They’re also just...really cool people? Who are all friends? They make a point to do community service, to interact with fans, and to promote positive ideas. Jared’s Always Keep Fighting campaign. Misha and GISH. The fact that they all participate in fundraising opportunities and encourage fan engagement. Do they all have issues? Definitely. Have they said stupid things? Yes. But the good far outweighs the bad. They’re an entertaining bunch whether onscreen or not and I hope they all do well in whatever their future endeavors may be.  

9. The Fandom

I joined this fandom late. To be honest, I thought this fandom was obnoxious before I found myself a part of it. Now that I’ve been in the trenches? It’s got it’s ups and downs like any fandom. There are some parts that are more toxic than others. A lot of people yelling that their opinion is the only opinion. But overall? The good outweighs the bad. And the good? The good is great. Some fanfictions I’ve read are better than actual books I’ve read and just as moving. The fanart? Incredible. I love reading all the metas about random aspects of the show I never would have noticed. I love the music videos and I love the analytical videos. In real life, I’ve made many friends through our mutual love of this show. Hell, even getting sucked into GISH once or twice has given me some solid memories and brought me closer to friends. I wish all fandoms were this much like family. I’m so glad I got to be a part of this fandom and I can’t wait to continue being a fan. After all, nothing ever stays dead in Supernatural.

10. The Chaos & Insanity

Season 16 has been a time. First, Destiel went canon. Then suddenly Sherlock was having a 5th season, Putin was retiring, and Georgia was going blue. Destiel going “canon” and Joe Biden winning the presidency will always be correlated in my mind now. Things in the fandom went from quiet to blaringly loud real fast. Carry On happened. The fandom went into a civil war. I can’t even remember half of what happened in Season 16, but it’s been a wild ride. There’s been ups (my personal favorite being the french dub and the Saileen wedding). There’s been downs (Jared’s controversial statements and the original scripts being leaked). At one point Misha Collins had sex with Bill Clinton???? It’s been a wild time. It’s honestly gotten me through the end of this pandemic. At least it’s entertaining. I would say that at least all the craziness is over, but is it ever really over? Every time I say that something else completely insane happens. But it’s been fun. I’m glad I started watching this show despite my reservations and here’s to whatever happens next.