#I may have uh fucked up and made hypothetical kids for them

[ghostwaffleheimer]

This started out as a very self-indulgent Sanji drawing and turned into a wholeass ref that I've been using for a while so, uh... here. It's a bit rough but I mostly just needed something to colorpick from and work out some finer details. This also may or may not be related to some sorta weird little AU or whatever.

[jiminrings]

petition for stem koo to do all the things for oc he originally said no one does (make her lunchboxes, makes her cheerful...) bc i think that’s a beautiful redemption arc

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

jungkook's day one of his redemption agenda doesn't go that well in the end

"namjoon!!! my man. got any updates for me?"

seokjin strolls coolly on the way to his office, hair slicked back and his dress shirt definitely missing more than a few buttons

what's head admin gonna do??? dress-code him???

fire him???? PLS HE'D BE BETTER OFF!!!!

jin makes student affairs his bitch,,, not the other way around

"for the last time, i am nOt your secretary!!" namjoon stresses as he ceases his typing just to glare at him

he's the university registrar and everyone needs to go through him and at this point he's like a historical landmark from how he's made impact in less than two years

and he and seokjin graduated from the same batch!!!! they're the uncanny always pair for the subjects they shared together

it was definitely weird but functional lol cause one is uptight yet hardworking and the other's relaxed yet smart

sue them for working in the same place they swore they'd never go back to after graduation </3

"if you say-"

"some kid's been waiting for you even before i opened the office. made him sit inside but i just told him that he'd be expelled if he even tries to touch your coffee machine."

namjoon says even before jin could finish the sentence, clearly holding that in until the last minute

jin's obviously a lil annoyed because he's starting work as early as now but the way that joon laid all that out on him is a highlight for him

"thanks. knew you're a secretary for me first and a registrar second."

"no. i'm a national citizen before-"

alright alright he's not listening anymore

this bETTER be important because jin has to hold out his morning routine for whoever this kid is

"what can i possibly do for you today?" he rubs his eyes in preparation, intentionally dragging his steps because just looking at how near he is to his work computer gives him vertigo

"mr. kim!!!"

no

there is no way

there is no fATHOMABLE way that this has got to be happening to seokjin right now

"..... jungkook. what a pleasure."

he sits on his chair, voice gritted and monotone and he could just feel his eye twitching, his clenched fist under his deck now flipping off the kid in secret

it's a last-minute realization that he grasps that jungkook doesn't know you're his friend and it presents some really unique vantage points

like the time that seokjin recounted about a ridiculous student's filing for theft of his lunchboxes and he turned out to be your crush

or when he used his student affairs capabilities and pulled up resources left and right when jungkook broke your heart then seriously contemplated about messing up his academic record

or that time when he delivered a high and sleepy you to bed and then heard the entire conversation (if you could even call it that) between yoongi and this fucking nerd

"i need your help, mr. kim. you're the closest one to me i could ask!!" jungkook pleads desperately, the big doe eyes not really inducing an effect on him whatsoever lmao

"mhmm. i may not be the person for the job. counseling is right next door."

jin hums without even attempting to get jungkook to elaborate because for all he knows, his services aren't exactly open for people who hurt his friends >:(

(a guy once bumped shoulders with yoongi twice on the same day with aTTITUDE!!! and seokjin just dismissed the dude's concerns when a prof of his, who's a buddy of jin's, suddenly gave him an F)

seokjin IS student affairs

“no, no. you’re the only one who can help me!! you see, i-i just feel this brotherly connection with you and-“

“we talked once.”

god what did you used to see in this kid??

a crybaby aND an easily-attached personality to him? god it’s like jungkook’s just asking jin to pick on him

jungkook doesn’t seem to pick up how jin’s making it obvious he really doesn’t want to be of help if it has something to do with him

he likes interrupting and jin’s just the perfect match to interrupt him even earlier so now they just sound like one of those dubsmash snippets

“MR. KIM!!! how do you make lunchboxes? i don't know how.”

jeez where are his manners :O aren’t nerds like him supposed to worship the ground that admins walk on,,,

but what did pique his attention is the content of what jungkook just said

.... lunchboxes?

jin doesn’t want to give the kid benefit of the doubt because the last time he did that, you got hurt!!!!

if he has to hear hyeji’s name one more time, he’d really waste no time in stripping jungkook’s name from the honor roll

“remember that time i thought someone was stealing my lunchboxes?” he quizzes jin like it’s his job, clueless how he’s poking the bear even more with where he decides to go with this, “yeah. turns out no one was.”

was that not made clear the first time around!!!!!! he knows for a fact that a uni student would trade a classmate for a pack of gum but nO ONE would go for stealing a lunchbox

no one wakes up one day and decides that they’d steal a lunchbox. literally none

“but then this random girl claimed that it was hers a-and well i-...”

kook pauses to gauge jin’s reaction, clearly seeing now the one brow that’s raised at him

oh so if jungkook just asked him how to make a lunchbox, and he called h-word random,,,, then that would mean-

“i may have hurt the original giver of my lunchboxes at the process.”

.... that means he’s asking how to make a lunchbox for you

well that was a pleasant surprise

seokjin snorts briefly at that, dryly chuckling with his eyes widening to stress out his “non-threat” that’s pretty mUCH a threat

“wow. i might just give you a sanction for that.”

does he think jungkook’s a good person? lol he has to think about that for a month

was he wrong for hurting you that way? ultimately yes

but did he think at some point that jungkook’s completely heartless and wouldn’t try to redeem himself to his senior? no, not completely

but is he still on your team, regardless if the kid begs for mercy and you forgive him? yea a hundred percent :D yoongi and seokjin could never be brought out from your circle

"and you're doing this why?"

this is a no-brainer question for jungkook but the question still spooks him, feeling the chills at his neck that responding to seokjin is like a sTEPPING STONE when it comes to you

lmao if only he knew

"i uh, i just really wanna make this right. i messed up completely and it's pretty much unforgivable, but i atleast wanna try and give my best even if she doesn't forgive me, y'know?"

interesting

"mhmm. right, right."

???

he's still mad but he appreciates that jeon's doing the bare minimum of redeeming himself

speaking of, the poor kid looks like he's pissing himself because he may have just embarrassed himself with how long the silence stretches out

maybe,,, just maybe jin's gonna try and be a bridge this time

but like as soon as jungkook lacks for a fourth of a second, seokjin would BURN that bridge faster than a blink

"well first of all, you buy a lunchbox."

RIGHT RIGHT

:O

jungkook grabs a literal pocket notebook and jin pretends he didn't see that because WHO the hell does that!!!!

"of course... okay, proceed!! i'm taking notes," jungkook nods in understanding, jotting down the very important advice of not ordering from online because you can't smell the material through a screen

p.s. smelling containers before you buy them is a VITAL thing to do!! it already tells you about the quality at the first sniff

"are you buying one?"

"buying one for every day of the week. i'm thinking if i should get extras too-

"good idea. i recommend buying eight."

alright seokjin's mentioning some very specific colors and schemes and jungkook's not complaining!!!

MAYBE HE'S ONTO SOMETHING!!!

"what meals should i make? i don't even know what she likes!! and even if i knew what, how would i make it?"

why is his heart racing

yoongi may have taught you how to do your taxes but jin taught you how to cook food that's more than four steps!!!

he taught you how to not flinch at all when you're frying and that's the equivalent of raising you to be the woman that you are now <3

look at him and yoongi being your best friends!! teaching you about taxes and being unnerved at cooking oil and busting out a smoke ring or two <3

in fact, the lunches you've cooked for jungkook are all inspired and derived by seokjin!!!

the fact that jungkook's plan isn't bad and the way everything pieces together with his insight,,,, goosebumps luv

"....hypothetically? what i think she'd like?"

jungkook eagerly nods with stars in his eyes, fingers gripping onto his pen for dear life as he tries to channel all his listening techniques into this lecture

"get a bigger notepad."

:O

wow

"look at you!!" yoongi gushes the moment he sees you, waiting at you from the front door

you're going back to your classes again :D

you don't look as worse as you did four days ago!! you're not as sluggish and as animated too

"please don't," you snort as yoongi doesn't seem to stop looking at you like you've saved the world, giving no fight when he insists on carrying your backpack to your first class of the day

the past four days,, yeah they were undoubtedly rough

you slept as much as you could and for the moments you weren't dejected enough to be awake, you spent it surrounding yourself with seokjin and yoongi as much as possible

that's the beauty of hanging out them!!! you're not required to have a single thought lmao

except for the time when yoongi wondered aloud how eels even live and die (or if they even do???) in the first place and that sent everyone in a spiral and you didn't think of jungkook for a single seconds

you're not intimidated to go back to regular programming or with the fact that it's nOT unlikely you'd see a glimpse of jungkook in the hall and such

but that does mean that even if you're the bigger person, you're still gonna avoid him for as long as you could

speaking of!!!! you're looking for the person now that you're eager to find

"taehyung!!"

there he is :D you'd recognize that fluffy mop of permed hair anywhere

"y/n!!"

tae jumps over chairs in excitement to finally see you again after being so worried for you, engulfing you in a hug immediately

alright you see why yoongi thinks he's a golden retriever

you're clearly not a touchy-feely person but you'd let this one pass,, tae helped you (even indirectly) throughout your downtime anyways

"thank you so much for the cookies. i tried taking smaller bites just because i didn't wanna have them disappear that easy," you confess sheepishly, knowing how you had to pull the i just got my heart broken like two days ago multiple times so the two menaces would stop stealing from your stash

:D

jungkook's excited!!!! seokjin may have given him a tip that "he felt it in his gut" that you were gonna go to class today

he came a little late because he wanted to perfect the very loaded lunchbox that's in his backpack right now

oh weird

you're not in your usual chair

bUT jungkook sees a glimpse of your hair and he's certain that you're there and his heart may be beating out of his ribcage

a baby peach lunchbox with a sticker (of what seokjin said he thought you'd like) on the middle of the lid :D

pork katsudon with furikake rice aND coffee jelly pudding on the side!!! it was definitely pressure-racking to strictly adhere to jin's recipe but god does it look worth it

jungkook's only did miniature taste tests on it and he had to stop himself from devouring the lunch that he's made specifically for you

the lunchbox itself is tied neatly with a silk wrap, adding his touch of sewing your name visibly on it aND there's a scribble taped to the lid too

god jungkook really can't wait to make it up to you

sheesh that was one of THEE longest lectures you've ever felt you had

it was actually the same amount of time it's always been but maybe you've been out of practice from just staying at your dorm for days

tae's great company but he could be a little bit chatty!!! you just nod when you feel his voice go up and he apparently gets excited by that easily

.... he apparently also has a small bladder and he told you that within the whole hour of class

"hold on. i gotta pee before next period. go without me!!!' taehyung hurriedly slings his backpack to his arm, looking ridiculous in a rush

tae's sometimes unintentionally funny because you don't even share next period anyways

you're on your way to the exit when a shiny scarf catches the corner of your eye, having to squint at it because wow does it look pretty

is that-

is that your nAME???

you pick it up before you could even rationalize it, realizing then what it was wrapping when you feel the warmth on your hands

:")

"sorry i forgot my headband!!!"

taehyung stumbles back into the room, catching his breath to run back to his seat and fetch the headband he took from his hair to play with awhile ago

he looks shocked to see what's on your hands, flicking his gaze between you and the item but he doesn't think much of it

wOW that's a really shiny scarf!!!

"tae?"

"hmm yeah? what's up?"

he's about to jog back to the comfort room because he hasn't really relieved himself yet, not bearing to leave his headband in the room when anyone could snatch it up

you raise your lunchbox, a thankful gaze on your eyes that looks so close to crying which is why tae's mORE than lost now

"thanks for the lunch."

..

.....

jungkook could only helplessly watch.

[zemodaddy]

Hey so i finally completed the first chapter of the zemo x reader fanfic. Make sure to read the authors note at the end and i hope you enjoy.!

Synopsis:

Y/n is an ex-avenger who, after the blip was forced to work for the US government. You trained to be an assassin/spy and your gifts of wielding flames made you invaluable. When you were assigned to follow Bucky you find him helping Helmut Zemo escape from his prison cell. What is he up to? Should you stop him?

Warnings: violence, lots of swearing, angst, fluff and in later chapters extreme acts of hatred towards John Walker :)

Shades of Him

They replaced him. They replaced him with a random guy and stuck Steve’s shield on him. You were staring at the TV in disbelief. You thought of Steve like a brother and he definitely wouldn’t have wanted this.

After the blip you had no job, the avengers pretty much all separated and that left you without anything to do, and that meant no income and no income meant no home or food. You couldn’t exactly find a normal job because most people were afraid of you. A trained assassin and spy who could wield flames wasn’t really considered normal. That left you with no choice but to accept the deal the US government offered you. Do their dirty work and you wont end up homeless.

Your newest mission was to track Bucky to make sure he followed the rules set upon him for his pardon. You are close to him, like you were close to Steve. Hiding the fact that you were following him everywhere he went was kind of hard but you managed. You had to manage.

So finding him and Sam visiting a German prison kind of surprised you. Had this got to do with his therapy? Surely not. They left around an hour later and from then nothing more suspicious happened. A quick google search and a deep dive into some public records showed that a high security prisoner resided at this prison. Not just anyone. Zemo.

Interesting you thought. Later that night you followed Bucky and Sam to an old garage. You waited outside for 5 minutes before entering, trying to keep to the shadows of the room. The two men seemed to be in the midst of a heated discussion. “You want Zemo to help us?” Sam looks exasperated. Bucky looks a bit apprehensive as he says “Look let me walk you through a hypothetical, can I do that?” He begins to explain an elaborate escape plan for Zemo. Your mind was wizzing with thoughts as you tried to figure out your next move. He really isn’t in the right headspace, same old Bucky, you roll your eyes. “What are you guys doing?” You step out of the darkness. The two seemed to jump out of their skin, clearly not expecting you to be there.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Bucky asks. They both looked so shocked by your sudden appearance that you had to suppress a laugh. “I was following you.” He doesn’t look happy. “YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME?” He raises his voice. You weren’t scared because you knew he loved you really. Keeping the same tone as him you shout back “YES AND YOU’RE HELPING A CRIMINAL” “I SAID HYPOTHETICALLY DIDN’T I”. Sam looks like he could start laughing any moment. You weren’t even sure if you should laugh or arrest them. Suddenly your phone buzzes. “Then please explain to me why I just got a message saying that ZEMO HAS ESCAPED FROM PRISON?” Sam looks mad now. “You’re kidding me Bucky” he says. “Look we don’t have any other leads, we were at a dead end.”

You knew that the two were looking for information on the new super soldiers serum. “He blew up the UN, he killed king T’Chaka!” Before Bucky could reply to Sams argument, the sound of a door shutting sounds through the garage and guess who walks in. Helmut fucking Zemo. Your hand flies immediately to the dagger on the side of your thigh. “Woah woah woah” Sam starts walking towards him as Bucky tries to hold him back. Too bad he didn’t see you slip past them and push Zemo against the wall with said dagger against his throat. “Your going back to prison” you pass him a sickly sweet smile. He looked surprised by you holding him against that wall but didn’t fight back. Not with the blade in your hand starting to heat up against his skin. “y/n let him go” Bucky looks frustrated.

“He can lead us closer to the serum, just let him breath for a second” Zemo did start to look a little breathless. Good, he should be scared of you. Reluctantly you let him go. He starts to talk “if I may”. At the same time the three of you go “NO”. He looked a little displeased by the response but didn’t have any other option but to oblige. “Apologies”. After further debating and a lot of disagreements you and Sam finally agree to trust Zemo.. for the time being anyways. “Alright Zemo, where do we start”

You mentally set a reminder to always have an eye on Zemo, how could you not with a guy like him. He seemed to be sending you anxious glances in return, which to be fair you did nearly choke him to death. He leads you to a large warehouse containing numerous cars of different ages, sizes and colours. Probably stolen you think. After grabbing a case full with clothes for zemo you all head to an airstrip. In the middle of which was a private jet. You look at it in awe. “So you were rich all this time?” Sam asks. “I’m a baron Sam, my family was royalty before your friends destroyed my country”. Shit. Those cars weren’t stolen then..

The mention of his country makes you think back to that battle against ultron. You were very tempted to leave the avengers after nearly wiping out the entirety of a population of a country. But they convinced you to stay, where else could you have gone anyway? You think a little longer about the aftermath, when you helped after the battle with the injured, and loved ones finding their dead. It was one of the saddest moment of your life, until the blip. No one else helped from the avengers, they didn’t even visit the memorial..

“Y/n you coming?” Sam was saying from the top of the stairs. Lost in thought you were stood in front of the plane. Maybe I should stop getting distracted you thought. Entering the jet the seats on the right were already occupied by Sam and Bucky, leaving the only other seat opposite Zemo free. Great. As a gentle reminder you check your dagger on your thigh, almost like a warning that if he tries anything he’ll know what’s coming. Zemo swallows looking where it would be and ask his butler person for a drink. Was that his butler or the pilot? Rich people problems you thought. The plane sets off and you look out of the window daydreaming a little.

The other three talk lightly until the mention of Buckys list, which ends in zemo being choked yet again. You smile a little, enjoying the mini acts of revenge for the people he’s hurt and killed. You feel a bit sleepy but then they start to discuss where you were going. “Do we want to live in a world full of people like the red skull” Zemo shakes his head lightly “that’s why we’re going to Madripoor”. Confused, Bucky explains the place’s history in the Indonesian archipelago. “It’s kept its lawless ways but we cannot go in as our selves” Zemo says. Uh oh that can’t be good.

You were right. Zemo had handed you a bag full of clothes and a pair of heels. You stared at yourself in the full length mirror that resided in the toilets. “You have got to be kidding me” you say aloud. Your were wearing a dark purple silky dress that reached only just halfway down your thigh. It exposed most of your arms, shoulders and a lot of your chest. Thankfully there was a black leather jacket in the bag too, however on the shoulders sat a blanket of fur, similarly to Zemos coat that he took from the warehouse. Your heels were also purple. You thank the lord you took the time to train in heels too because you never know when the situation arises when you happen to find yourself in those monstrous shoes.

“This” you point at yourself “is not happening”. “Ah my baroness has arrived” Zemo says, amusement glinting in his eyes. You glared at the word ‘baroness’. “Here put this on darling, to finish it off”. He holds what seems to be a lipstick in his hand. You already knew what shade it was before taking it from him. “Do you have some thing for purple or is that just me?” Sam and Bucky both laughed.

You had to admit, the dress didn’t look bad, in fact it looked expensive. To say you were uncomfortable was an understatement, not necessarily for what you were wearing, but for the hand now draped around your waist. Zemos hand. He said that no matter what, you couldn’t break character. Bucky was playing the role as the winter soldier; you felt bad for him, the memories this must bring up. You can’t even begin to imagine. Sam however, wore an extravagant and abstract red suit that kind of looked like a dress. It was funny to see his reaction to which he comments that he looked like a “pimp”.

A car pulls up beside you and you all pile in. Of course you were sat next to zemo in the back. After around five minutes you arrive in lowtown. A place where you could apparently find a gall called Selby. That hand snaked back around you as you intermingle with the crowded streets. The high density of the crowd forced you even closer to Zemos side leaving practically no space between you now. You could feel his warm body against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. He looks down on you. His eyes seem to be softer now than they were before and he gives you a quick kiss on the temple as if to reassure you that you’re safe. You tried to keep yourself from shaking him off of you but as you carried on walking, you got used to him a bit more. Sam and Bucky followed the two of you, both with grim faces.

Finally, you come to a bar, most people around you watching carefully as you all enter. Zemo orders the both of you a shot and Sam gets his usual. This turned out to be something containing whatever the barman cutout of a snake. The sight of it made your stomach drop, and to your astonishment, Sam actually drank it. He looked like he wanted to be sick but, no matter what he had to stay in character. Bucky gave a slight nod, he didn’t get a drink, not as the winter soldier.

You had let it be known of who you wanted to see and as you waited a man came up behind Zemo and you. He immediately guided you away from this man so he was in front of you and Zemo in front of the man. He knew you could hold your own, you had made that clear already, but he wanted to protect you. For the act of course. “You ain’t welcome here” the man stated, placing a hand roughly on zemos shoulder as he turned to face him. “I have no business with the powerbroker, but if he insists he can either talk to me” Zemo points at Bucky. His hand then slipped to yours, holding it tightly. “Or bring Selby for a chat”. The man looks displeased and walks away. You had many things you wanted to say to Zemo at this moment, but sticking to your character was more important. As he continued to grip your hand, other men started to menacingly prowl towards you all. Zemo gave Bucky the order to attack and so he did. A fight quickly broke out between them all but Bucky was far too strong for them all. This ended in Bucky holding one of the guys that remained standing against the bar table. Finally someone called to say selby was ready to see your group. This was going to be interesting.

Notes

Okay i left this on a little bit of a cliffhanger but the next chapter should be out in a day or so. This is my first fanfic i have published so I’m interested to see what everyone thinks. If there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes then umm you didn’t see anything. I hope you enjoyed!

@killsandthrills @aisling1985 @booklover2929 @arianalilyblack @your-pixels-are-showing @kenna-1904

[unitedunionofdave]

the kids: and if they have a braincell or not

BROUGHT TO YOU BY MOD GRAY AND MOD ROX

after some CAREFUL debate, thoughts, and sleep-deprived keysmashes in the discord chat, we have come up with these conclusions

john: no brain. no idea how to use it

rose: does she have a brain? does she know how to use it? yes but actually no

dave: has a braincell. knows how to use it. but, under any circumstances, will not do so

jade: has a braincell. knows how to use it

jane: has a braincell. knows how to use it but also prone to misusing it

roxy: has TWO whole braincells!! unfortunately no one is aware on what they do or if they work or not

dirk: has a braincell. uses it in the DUMBEST OF ASSEST WAYS POSSIBLE

jake: has a braincell. doesnt have a single fucking CLUE on how to use it

i need help from the smartest person around here. who do i go to?

1: jade. most trustworthy, can most likely help u w anything. if not;

2: jane. a little Less helpful but not terrible. is actually p smart and could prolly bullshit her way thru stuff. if not

3: roxy, hope the two braincells are functioning. if not

4: i hate to give dirk such a high position, but dirk. itll be a STUPIDASS solution but a solution nonetheless. but u dont want that so

5: rose. if you can sift thru her 12 pages of prose and thinking u could prolly just. make a solution from that urself. if ur Jared 19 and cant read

6: dave. similar to rose, except its 12 pages of rapping rambling and irony. could still figure out a solution from it. maybe. if not

7: Jake. he might not know how to use a braincell but he has one so he could completely stumble upon a solution. just gotta help him out a bit

and last but not least

8: john. we love john a lot but do not go to him. he wont know. like at all

ELABORATION.

most of them HAVE the braincell cause yknow most kids in homestuck were straight up supergeniuses with their fucking robots and their psychology and their sentient-robot-literal-life-creating-computer-science but the thing is they have absolutely no fucking clue on how to USE the goddamn braincell. they have it, sure, for example dirk being able to create a sentient ai, but he doesnt know how to use it, because jesus fuck, he just put himself into a situation in which he made a sentient ai

they HAVE the braincell but also dirk eats straight up teabags

roxy is an AMAZING hacker and could beat sollux after she learned alternian. but also they cant do directions for shit

well actually dirk may have been a bad example considering that he does technically know how to use it he just uses it in the stupidest fucking way possible. better example is jake he FULLY has one example being the robot bunny he made he just literally doesnt fucking know how to utilize it. man would aim a gun at a metal robot who hes fought for years and say "haha this will work!"

see the thing is. dirk uses his braincell to put himself into bad situations, which is inherently not using the braincell in of itself. technically? incredible use of the braincell, goddamn. morally? you are a FUCKING DUMBASS

jake has the POTENTIAL to use the braincell like its right there. with just a little commitment and time and effort he could be so fucking smart. but hes just. he just kind of ignores that and avoids it and so he HAS the braincell but he doesnt know how to use it.

jane fully has the braincell and usually uses it well and knows how to do so but uh. she can lose herself at times. usually quite uncommon. occasionally she will just straight up forget the answer to 10 + 10. these are few and far between however

roxy. roxy HAS braincells. theyre there. but theyre in a constant fluctuating state so neither she nor anyone else knows if theyre going to be working or not. HOWEVER, when they are, she knows how to use them and goddamn does she use them well

john? yeah no everything is just breeze and wind up there he doesnt have it. sorry john

rose TECHNICALLY has a braincell and HYPOTHETICALLY she knows how to use it. she likes to THINK that she uses it. technically? she has one, as in she sure can use it to be smart and verbose and know things. morally? fuck if she knows and fuck if anyone else does

dave DOES have a braincell and he KNOWS how to use it like the guy is smart. HOWEVER. he deliberately CHOOSES to actively ignore his smarts like if he just used the braincell for a little bit he'd know a lot of shit but like its like he just ignores that both the braincell and the knowledge on how to use it is there altogether

jade? shes the smartest. please go to her she is literally one of the most knowledgeable people here shes trustworthy

honorable mentions:

kanaya has the braincell but only in Certain Cases. you go to kanaya for certain things Only and it's up to you to figure that out

karkat? karkat has half a braincell. if you can trudge through all the shouty shit theres a half baked plan there but it's also a really Stupid half baked plan. like hes trying but. only makes it halfway

terezi? terezi doesnt seem like she has the braincell. shawty eats chalk and licks anything and everything. but she DEFINITELY HAS a braincell and uses it when she NEEDS to (like when she told john to fix the fuckin timeline.) Rezis braincell use is a SURPRISE but not an unwelcome one

(with terezi LIKE DAVE she has one and fully knows how to use it. however unlike dave instead of like deliberately avoiding using her braincell she lures people into a false sense of security by pretending she doesnt have one)

vraska has a braincell. it's there. but does she use it? thats truly the question. it's kinda a dirk situation where she has a braincell bu#t uses it stupidly. like. shes trying her best, a villain clad in blue clothes, but also. shawty what

all via mod rox

aradia may be our first case of fully knows how to use a braincell but doesnt exactly. have one? at least its not always present. she is just fuck ar0und and find 0ut :) like charcoal said. it is in the back of her mind only

sollux has a braincell and knows how to use it and fully does not want to. he just does not want to deal with it. sollux? sollux has 2 braincells same as roxy. it's his thing. UNLIKE roxy however solluxs braincells are constantly firing. he is not smart tho. they're firing but he's also like dave where he IGNORES it

solluxs braincell situation is so complex and he does not want to understand it. rose looks at him like :iamlooking: i want to psychoanalyse you. however he just wants to fuckign lay on the couch and zone out for 12 hours is that so much to ask

MOD ROX ADDITION: gamzee is no thoughts head empty however sober gamzee is FLOODED with braincells and that's why hes angry ok gnight

[talenlee]

Henry Orenstein

I'm going to tell you a story. It jumps around a little, to future and past, and it has a big twist in it that I'm going to need you to trust me on. Because of that, the fold - and content warning - is coming later than you'd expect.

This story, started, for me, on the Transformers wiki.

This is a Rubsign. It's a small piece of plastic that's heat-reactive. When Transformers started out as a brand, there was an immediate push to make cheap knockoff toys with similar ideas. In order to 'protect' the brand and ensure kids only wanted to buy the genuine Transformers, they developed something that they could pretend was part of the play pattern: a small symbol on the robot's body that had the silhouette of either the Decepticon or Autobot faction, and you wouldn't know for sure if you didn't heat it up, usually as a child, by rubbing it with your finger.

Transformers, and their gimmick of 'transforming', is essentially, open source. You can't copyright it or even copyright the techniques of a mould. This is one of the reasons there's so many knockoffs of those toys — the actual technique of a transforming toy is pretty much uncopyriteable method.

The rubsigns, however, were made with patented technology; not only weren't other people allowed to put them on their toys, but even worse, they simply couldn't make them because the method for their creation was proprietary. What I thought as a child was a clever way to represent a disguise, for a moment of tension in the narrative, was really just a corporate control collar, a thing that meant they could draw a hard line between their version of the idea and the other, shitty ones, so I could ensure my collection of second hand transforming robot toys was properly branded.

Rubsigns are a cop is what I'm saying.

But, they had to be invented.

This is Henry Orenstein. Learning about the origin of the rubsign meant learning that to my surprise, the patent for them is not held by The company per se, but is instead partially owned by Hasbro, and partially owned by this one dude, Henry Orenstein.

When I found his name in the Transformers wiki, the wiki stated, perhaps boldly: His life is more interesting than Transformers.

Bold claim.

This is professional Poker. It's a well known game that involves players playing for extremely large sums of money, often with similarly large sums of money involved in the buy-in. It's grown in popularity over the past twenty years, in part because of improvements in presenting the game to an audience. Back in 1995, a patent was filed for a device known as a hole camera, which let the broadcasters collect the information about the players' hands without doing anything that disrupted the natural flow of the game. The hole camera was used in 1999, and that's about when poker started to pick up in public discourse.

And the patent for the earliest hole camera (which isn't used much any more) is to a guy named Henry Orenstein. So important was this - and his winnings and his achievements lifetime - that he's been inducted into the Poker Hall of Fame.

This is a Johnny Seven OMA, which were made by Topper Toys. And that's a company Henry Orenstein founded to make his toys after being annoyed at how expensive dolls and toy guns were for poor kids. Topper Toys eventually folded into another brand, Deluxe Reading, which I understand if you are a hardcore toy collector, really into things like barbie accessories and cross compatibility, is very important to the hobby.

This background was how Henry got the attention of Hasbro, and wound up working with them on acquiring new toy properties. That meant he was in position to be in Japan, looking at Takara and Microchange toys, and come back with the idea of acquiring both toy sets, and rebranding them as Transformers in 1980.

Interesting dude, right? He should write a memoir.

Except he did already:

And now, when we jump back in the story, I have to say: Content Warning: Nazis.

Henry Orenstein was born Henryk Orenstein, one of five Jewish children to a Polish family, born in Hrubieszów, Poland, 1923. That is to say, when he was 16 years old, the Nazis invaded and occupied his country. This was obviously not ideal, and the Orensteins first hid themselves in their house through secret passages and hidden chambers between the walls. When the food and water ran out, the parents made the painful decision to surrender to arrest, in the hopes of keeping their children alive.

Henryk's parents were taken, shipped to a camp, and shot. The children were then sent to a camp, where Henryk dedicated a plan to keeping moving. If they were being moved around, transferred from thing to thing, if the person in charge of them was different from time to time, nobody would have the time to really make a protracted plan to execute them. That, hypothetically, was the idea. This meant that he and his siblings were in five different concentration camp - including the camp run by Amon Goeth, the villain of Schindler's List.

They end up in the camp in Budzyń. A few days after arrival, a report comes over the loudspeaker that 'Any Jews with math or science training must report to front office' and Henryk signs himself and his brothers up.

... they did not have math or science training

See, as things were Getting Worse towards the end of the war, the Germans were trying to maximise the resources they did have. This is part of the grouping of things you'd possibly hear as the wunderwaffe — the preposterous weapons of the later days of Hitler's aspirations. You may know these as a sequence of History Channel tv ads, like Hitler's Greatest Tanks or Superboats or The Cannon That Shoots Time Frozen Chunks Of Hitler's Future Brain or whatever. Nowadays, wunderwaffe is a German word primarily used sarcastically, in case you're curious. The Nazis were desperate, because they were a bunch of sucky losers who couldn't make anything good on their own —

And never did

— they instead tried to turn their prisoners to the task of solving their problems with the finest of Nazi Bullshit Magic. At this point, Henryk is maybe nineteen years old, and he and his brothers are signed up to the camp's equivalent of the Shed they dump the A-Team in. The scientists in charge of the lab are scared: if this fails, they're just wasting manpower, and while the Jewish subordinates may fail, if they fail, they're going to get shipped to the front and treated like meaty bullet catchers.

Henryk, recognising the situation, proceeded to run cons on the Nazis with his brothers.

They made bullshit devices that wouldn't work, but did look like they worked. They stole from the labs. They crafted things that could be faked to working but wouldn't work for real. They entertained the scientists with the finest of hokum. And then the researchers, full of relief that they wouldn't become a statistic on a Soviet soldier's bayonet, started to talk about how great their progress was of Doing Science At Shit to their command.

Command released an order to demand that these Jewish Science Wizards produce a tank paralysing gas.

Which was a problem.

Look, the Nazis were fond of demanding things that couldn't be done. Then they could shout at their subordinates who were fucking up, or they'd deliver and you looked great. Again, this is not an environment for refined science, this is a shrinking circular firing squad where everyone is trying to just not be the next person shot. But nonetheless, Tank Paralysing Gas was demanded.

Henryk and his brothers did what they could, they made something they assured the Nazis would work, and the scientists, sweating bullets, sent it off to another base to be tested.

Where it didn't work.

Obviously.

Okay, so now for a moment, consider the situation. Consider what this looks like. These scientists have sent a giant pile of reports about how great a job they were doing, and there's a big trapdoor labelled Actual Bullets on it underneath them. They just put together their wunderwaffe and sent it off to be tested, and it didn't work, so what do they do?

Blame the prisoners?

Uh, that's going to go poorly, because they were saying the prisoners were doing a great job just a few days ago.

Come clean?

Fuck off.

Okay, so what else do they have as an option? Well, they did the only thing a fascist can do. They posted through it, Nazi style.

They sent infuriated reports to the other camp. WHAT DID YOU DO TO OUR TANK-PARALYSING GAS THAT MADE IT NOT WORK!?

And... you can see how this goes.

Right now, nobody wants to be the person who admits something is wrong. Nobody wants to be the person who pulls the circle of who gets shot even closer. You don't want to tell your superiors you fucked up handling the Tank Paralysing Gas, or if you made the Tank Paralysing Gas, you don't want to tell them that the Tank Paralysing Gas didn't work.

And so back and forth they go. Testing things that won't work and demanding ever-increasing test protocols to try and make it the other person's problem. I don't have proof of it, but some accounts of the story include the two camps getting infrastructure projects like new roads to make sure the transport of the Tank Paralysing Gas works and is good and proper and anyway, the war ended before they got this resolved.

But there is paperwork, recovered during the fall of Berlin, with Heinrich Himmler's signature on it, ordering the mass production of the Tank Paralysing Gas made by Henryk and his younger brothers.

"The whole tale about the scam they pulled on the nazis is... instructive, too"

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #444

“the monster you made is wearing the crown  /  i’ll be the king, and you’ll be the clown”

Do you take off from school, or work for your birthday? Ha, I used to try to talk Mom into letting me stay home from school... It only sometimes worked. Have you ever created ‘open when’ letters for someone? No. That'd be cute for an s/o, though. What is the best thing about being in the relationship you’re in right now or about being single? Not having to fear my partner leaving because of the struggles I'm going through. Not having to worry about not being enough for another person, because I'm not even enough for myself. Do you have a favourite painting? Not by a historical artist, no, but there is a piece by a deviantART artist called "Denialism" (by NukeRooster/Tatchit, if you're interested) that I adore so much I've actually gotten her permission to get it tattooed one day when I can afford a brilliant artist to do it. What are some of the best life hacks you know? /shrug What makes you smile without fail? MARK LAUGHING laj;sdkafjwlk;erj Do you know what you’ll be getting your loved ones for the holidays this winter? No clue. That's still a whiles off. What is your biggest short-term goal (within the next month)? Just lose a decent amount of weight for a month's time. What will your next tattoo be of? It depends on what cash I have available, really. As much as it sucks, I think my next tat is a whiles off because I just have more pressing things to pay for. Has anyone very close to you ever died? Besides pets, the closest human to me that's ever died was Jason's mom. If you were throwing your significant other/best friend a themed party, what would the theme be? Uh, Frieza-related, obviously. Do you feel prepared for the apocalypse? I don't believe in the apocalypse in the biblical sense of it being determined by an ultimate power, so this isn't something I really think about. Whenever humanity ends, it ends. I don't have a say, so I may as well not obsess over it. Do you think you will have children naturally, adopt, or forgo having children altogether? I'm not having kids, but if I did, I know that either I'd have to give birth to them or my hypothetical wife would for me to feel *properly* connected to them as a mother should. Oh, or if my male partner had a kid from a previous relationship, but I'd have to be REALLY in love with him to feel like that child is also my own. Do you take pictures of yourself on a daily basis? Oh god no. Do you believe in angels? No, but rather just spirits. Is there anything in your past that you used to regret, but now you don’t? Hm, maybe? Does your knee hurt? My knees always hurt. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Yes. Do you like raisins? omg nooooo What is your favorite bug? Butterflies! :') Do you like Scrabble? Sure, it's fun for a board game. Do you have a printer? Yes. What is your favorite food? Cheeseburgers or pizza, probably. I know, so American. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? Yes. Do you like ants? They are very fascinating when you really think about it, but I still find them incredibly annoying. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. Have you ever drank goat milk? No, I don't believe so. What’s your favorite video game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. Do you like cats? I love kitties!!! :') Are goldfish your favorite fish? No. I think my favorite is probably the lionfish. Do you like vanilla pudding? No. I only like chocolate pudding. What is your opinion on gay marriage? I 100% support it and would fight to the death for it. What is your opinion on gay adoption? Don't even fucking look at me if you see a problem with a parentless child finding a home with two people in love. Who was the last person you had a crush on? Sara. What’s the most expensive piece of clothing you own? I have zero clue. Why do you drive the car you have right now? I don't have my own car. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Omg yes and it sucks. Are you friends with your neighbors? No. What is your current desktop picture? One of my favorite pictures of my late pup, Teddy. What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? Mountains! Does your neighbor have any pets? *shrug* Have you ever swam in a mountain lake? No, but that sounds VIBIN'. Has a cat/dog ever thrown up on your bed? alksdjflk;a;jdfalwe yes Have you ever had a concussion? One or two. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Not currently, I think? I want a fat-tailed gecko, though. :( Would you ever go bear hunting? I wouldn't dare hunt ANY animal. Have you ever seen two movies at the theater in a row? I have not. How many teenagers do you know who have babies? I know no teen personally that has a child, but there were some pregnant students in high school. If you could keep your parents or trade them for other parents, which would you pick? I would NEVER change my parents. Is there a piggy bank in the room you’re in? It's not a "piggy" bank, per se, but my sister got me a skull one that she says is for my tattoo funds. :') How many sets of twins do you know? Two, off the very top of my head. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? Yes. No one fucks with her for as long as I live. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not especially. Who is your favorite Disney Channel person? Uhhh, maybe Raven Symone? How many pets do you have? Just two. Do you think you will be successful in life? No. :/ What do you have pierced? My earlobes, twice, and my bottom lip. I have been dyinnnnggg for some new ones lately. :/ Does techno annoy you as much as it annoys me? No, I actually enjoy quite a bit of techno. What’s your comfort food? Ice cream. Do you like paranormal stuff? YES. Do you have a favorite stuffed toy? Rebel, my adorable meerkat plush from Jason, and Brownie, my moose from Cabela's. What’s the most exciting project you were given? In a way, my senior project since you got to choose your own topic, but I dreaded the presentation. Do you have a good sense of direction? Not at ALL. What are your favorite colour for a cat? Orange! If you had to live your life carrying a shield, what would its design be? This is gonna sound super, super cheesy, but probably a heart to symbolize how love should and could block the effects of hate and general evil and that we should pursue that instead of violence. Out of all the cancers, which one do you think needs to find a cure first? Oh god, they all do. If I had to pick one though, it'd be one of the inevitably fatal kinds, like pancreatic. What are your general afterthoughts when you’ve finished a book? I feel accomplished for actually reading to a story's completion. How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned? Two, I think? What color is your flash-drive? Hot pink. Have you ever built a sand castle? Yeah. How many houses have you lived in? Six. One I have no memory of. Do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth? Yes. What video game should everybody play at least once? Amnesia: A Machine for PIgs for the symbolism. It blows my mind how most horror fans hate it; it's like they totally miss the point. 100 years from now, what modern things will people look back on and say, “WTF?” Hopefully things like homophobia, racism, misogyny, concepts like those. What is impossible to understand until it happens to you? Mental illness, to name only one thing. What fictional food item from a television show, cartoon, movie, or video game have you always wanted to try? Hm. There's a lot that has looked super good, really. What’s something that gets much more hate than it deserves? Nickelback, lmao. What phrases or sayings drive you crazy? "Everything happens for a reason," "it could be worse/some people have it worse," "it's all part of God's plan," "just think positive"... a lot of stuff. Do you have a deviantART? I do, even though Eclipse made it fucking suck. I only really stay because I cling to the dying hope of being at least somewhat successful on there, and I enjoy keeping tabs on the artwork of the hundreds of people I watch there. Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa, even if he doesn't last long in the movie. :''''''( Have you ever been to Germany? No, but I'd love to! What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. Have you ever been ice skating? No. The blades on the skates scare me. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Do you have any nieces or nephews? I have a lot, if you include my half-siblings' kids. Do you own an Xbox? Nah, I've always been a PlayStation gal. Would you date someone who’s well-known for cheating? Nope. Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? No. I'd consider their reasons, but ultimately, it's about me loving the person. Could you be in a relationship without sex? Yeah, sure. It's not ideal, but I mean if the other person is just very opposed, I'm certainly not forcing them. Emotional intimacy is more important to me, anyway. Have you ever been “friendzoned”? Yep. :') Briefly, anyway. Jason tried for my sake, but it was VERY short-lived by no one's fault but my own because all I know how to do is fuck shit up when it comes to him. Which “famous couple” is your favorite? LOOK Mark and Amy are FUCKIN GEMS Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? Pretty fucking much. Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? I'm submissive by nature. Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? No, I think it's a cute holiday. Which do you feel is worse of the two to smoke: weed or tobacco? Well, weed has more carcinogens, but at least it has actual health benefits. Who did you last see that you haven’t seen in ages? *shrug* Are you photogenic at all? God no.

[im-an-adult-ish]

Morning Surprise

AN: Hello everyone!! This piece is a long time coming and has been sitting in my drafts for a while. It is the first fiction piece I have ever published. Writing is something I’ve never been confident in, especially when it comes to writing actual stories. But after being a part of the Queen/BoRhap fandom for the last year or so, I was feeling inspired. Please be kind, but I welcome all comments and criticisms. I am definitely looking to improve.

Special thanks to the Thirsty Hoes TM for the confidence boost and support. I am so lucky to have found the most wonderful group of internet friends. I love you all 🥰🥰🥰

Warnings: none?? other than some good old fluff. It’s terribly cheesy but the world is in a terrible place right now and we all need some cheesy fluff in our lives. It’s inspired by the story line in Valentine’s Day with Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Alba except it’s happier than that lol. Maybe some implied smut at the end? Blink and you’ll miss it. Flashback scene in italics!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the sun peeked through the window, Y/N woke up with a groan. After a long night at work, she had literally come home, taken off her clothes, and fallen into bed. Her boyfriend, Joe, was already asleep when she got home but upon feeling the mattress shift, he put his arms around her and gave her a sleepy kiss on her forehead as she quickly drifted off in his arms.

As she stretched and rubbed her eyes, a cold metal feeling touched her skin. Confused, she completely opened her eyes and outstretched her left hand. Upon it, on that finger, the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. A gorgeous amethyst stone in a silver setting, exactly what Y/N had described to her best friend years ago and exactly what she would be asking her about as soon as she figured out what the hell was going on.

Y/N was in complete shock as she continued to stare at her hand. She had been with Joe for 3 years, officially moving in together a year ago. They had talked about their future together in the hypothetical, but never actually had a serious discussion about it. That is, until about 2 nights ago…..

“Seriously Y/N, just think about it!” Joe exclaimed as they both were watching the Yankees lose to the Red Sox on national television. “We can have enough kids to field a whole team! And then when they’re old enough, we’ll buy a team from someone in Major League Baseball. Even if we have all girls, we’ll make history!”

“Uh huh, sure, you’re just trying to distract yourself from the fact that the Yankees are getting completely destroyed right now.”

Joe grabs some popcorn from the bowl they are sharing and chucks it at Y/N while she laughs and tries to block it. “Ok, ok I may be kidding about the ‘whole team’ thing, but what do you think about the idea in general?”

“What? Having kids?”

Joe nods but looks down at his hands and fidgets with them, clearly anxious about what Y/N’s answer would be. It was something he had thought about since the moment he met her. All he wanted was to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted it so bad and didn’t want to pressure her if she wasn’t ready but man, did he wanted nothing more than to marry and start a family with Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N.

Y/N takes a moment to look at him and she has never seen him this quiet. But as she watches him, she can’t help but picture their entire future together. How chaotic Joe would be as a dad, but also how loving and caring he would be. She thought of Joe teaching their future kids about sports and teaching them all about acting and maybe even getting them to participate in some obnoxious YouTube video. He would absolutely be the best father and she couldn’t picture starting a family with anyone else.

Grabbing some of the popcorn Joe had previously thrown at her, Y/N tosses it back to get his attention.

“Hey” she says with a smirk as Joe turns to look at her. She takes the opportunity to move closer to him, placing her forehead upon his.

“I would love nothing more than to have a family with you.” She says as she leans in and kisses him gently “But I am not having nine children.”

Tears forming in his eye, Joe laughs as he pulls Y/N into his chest and wraps his arms around her.

“Fair enough, now let’s watch the Yankees pull off a huge comeback right now.”

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound from the kitchen followed by a few choice expletives from her boyfriend (or fiancé?)’s mouth that broke Y/N from her daydream. She doesn’t know why Joe is awake right now, being that this was the first Saturday that both of them have had off in ages and catching up on sleep was definitely on top of the list of things to do. Now wide awake and full of questions, Y/N silently made her way towards the commotion and smell of coffee.

Silently standing in the doorway, she watched and smiled as Joe hummed to the music playing from his phone, which Y/N soon realizes is their song. He was making waffles, bacon and hash browns, all of Y/N’s favorites. It wasn’t unusual for Joe to surprise her with breakfast in bed. However, when they had made plans to sleep in, this was definitely unexpected. Y/N watched Joe for a few moments more before clearing her throat to get his attention.

Turning around his lips turned up in a smile but his eyes went wide in shock.

“Y/N! Shit, you’re still supposed to be asleep” he says nervously as he sets down the ladle he was using to scoop batter in the waffle maker.

“Well good morning to you too” Y/N chuckles “I thought we were sleeping in today”

“Well yeah we were but…” Joe hesitates, visibly forcing himself to look her in the eyes and not look down at her hand, knowing full well he has some explaining to do.

Y/N, sensing his struggle, slowly lifts her hand up to eye level. “Care to explain this?”

Joe takes a deep breath and chuckles softly as he runs his hand through his hair, still wild from sleep.

“I had this whole plan figured out. I slipped the ring on your finger and was going to come back with breakfast in bed and a big speech about how much I love you…. Because fuck Y/N, I love you so much. I can’t imagine my world if you aren’t in it and I never want to find out.”

With tears starting to form in Y/N’s eyes, She opens her mouth to speak but Joe is too wrapped up in his speech to notice so he keeps on going.

“And kids? I don’t care how many we have. Two, ten, one and a couple of dogs, I don’t care. All I know is that I want all of it with you.”

Hearing a pause, Y/N closes the space between them before Joe can continue, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling them together.

“I love you so much Joe, and I cannot wait spend the rest of my life with you.”

The tears that have since started to form in Joe’s eyes slowly make their way down his face and he breaks into the biggest smile Y/N have ever seen.

“So you’ll marry me? Spend forever with me and our nine children?”

Letting out a laugh, Y/N playfully hits Joe’s shoulder while she watches him feign injury.

“I think you mean three, but yes. Yes I will marry you.”

Letting out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding, Joe brought his lips to Y/N’s as he slides his arms around her waist, lifting her up and spinning her in a circle. As they broke the kiss, they stayed in the embrace for a few moments longer, swaying to the music, still completely wrapped up in one another. As the song fades out, breakfast is soon forgotten as Joe carried Y/N to their bedroom bridal style for their own private celebration before they share their happy news with their loved ones.

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Nightmare or Scared To Be Lonely

Quick Tag List: @kuruumiya @spacelizardtrashboys @enigmaticandunstable @nattinngrst @stupidbluegirl

This Passage contains potentially: swearing, violence, blood, angst, whump, fluff and smutty content.

Summary: Kirby addresses a fear that she hasn't felt in a long, long time.

Kirby's POV:

Waking up on the morning of the Twenty-Second, with Roddy's arms wrapped around me was a welcome comfort from what had arisen inside my mind. Thoughts I never dared put to words, I eased myself out of his grasp and did my old morning routine, giving myself a moment to breathe and think through the recent recurring nightmares. It had been at least a year since the last nightmare, twenty years since they started. I thought they had finally stopped, but I was wrong.

Since I was nine, I have had nightmares of being alone in a dark place, usually a forest but sometimes an empty town or city, sometimes even walking through a deep valley. Utterly alone, completely alone, abandoned by everyone except a consistent nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm not 'normal' enough.

Catching my breath and calming myself down, I look over at Roddy, still asleep on the bed, and I sigh in relief. He's real, he's there, I'm not insane. I look at myself in the mirror, brushing my fingers over the scars on my face and remembering just how I got each of them. I heard a long yawn from the other room as Rod stirred awake, shaking the 'cobwebs' from his mind and I stopped, looking over at him again and smiling in admiration at the rowdy Scot.

"Well, that's a beautiful sight to wake up to," He waved me over, "C'mere baby."

I reached the edge of the bed and Roddy pulled me onto his lap.

"You are so beautiful, don't you ever forget that. I love you, you can tell me anything," He kissed my shoulder, just above the dragon tattoo, "Anything at all."

"Rod" I mumbled, my breathing catching in my throat.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I can tell you anything right, you won't laugh unless it's a joke right?"

"I promise you, I won't laugh at ya."

"What would you do if someone you loved had recurring nightmares?"

"I would try to understand why they keep having them. Why?"

"What would you do if they were scared by them."

"I'd comfort them. What's going on in your head, baby?"

"Rod, I'm scared."

"Why are ya scared?"

"I don't want to be alone. I'm not normal. I'm a fr-"

Rod pulled me into a kiss, pressing his forehead to mine after he pulled away, "You're not a freak. You're my lady and if that makes me a freak for loving you, I don't give a damn. You're stunning and they can all kiss my ass."

"Thank you Roddy, I needed that."

"So, uh, about that Erik guy?"

"What about him?"

"What made you like him?"

"Well, aside from the flaming red hair, the freckles, the green-hazel eyes, the tattoos and his muscles, probably his personality, he made me laugh, he was sweet to me, and he was ballsy enough to wear a kilt and fight in it."

"So, who's better, me or him?" I could hear a twinge of jealousy in his voice.

"Roddy," I whined, "In a different universe, then I'd probably be with him but I'm with you. I will be with you regardless of if this works out or not, for at least the next few years career-wise, and who knows, if this does work out, maybe one day the two of us will have a proper life together. Family. Pets. Kids, maybe. Actually," I stood up and grabbed the keys to my D200, twirling them around my finger for a moment, "I'd actually quite like to have kids one day. That is, of course, if I can have kids."

"Whaddya mean 'if'?"

"Well, I'm a giant, giants have diminished reproductive systems." I muttered out.

"So, uh, hypothetically speaking, if you can have biological kids, if, if ya could, ya know," I looked at his face, his cheeks flush a rosy shade of pink, "Well, if you," he slowed down his words, looking to the ceiling as if asking God above for guidance, "If, you, could, have, bio-log-ical, kids, you, would?"

"Yes Roddy, why was that so hard to ask?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and covered his groin with his other arm, "no reason."

"Jesus, Roddy. If that gets you hot you might end up breeding like a rabbit one of these days."

"With you?" I heard a twinge of optimism in his voice.

"Of course fuckin' not, Jesus, whaddya take me for?" I spluttered out, shocked that he'd even think of me like that, I took a deep breath before explaining myself, "I'm not a very, oh God, uh 'Sexual' being. I don't see the pleasure side of it, I think of sex only through the lens of science."

Rod looked up at me once again, cocking an eyebrow before talking, "Where are ya planning on going?"

"Anywhere with food, wanna come with."

"Actually, before you leave, can I ask you about your family?"

"Sure. What do you want to know?"

"Well, what are they like?"

"Uh, hmm, well, my da's tough, he was raised on a farm and thus is incredibly strong because of his upbringing. My mam on the other hand is like your stereotypical fiery red head when angry but usually she's quiet and peaceful. My da never shuts up, unless he's watching TV, which is when his ears don't work."

Rod's brows knitted together in a confused way, "His ears don't work?"

"As in he shuts everything that isn't the TV out."

"Oh. I see, so your dad shuts the world out when he's watching sports and the like?"

"Exactly, Roddy. Do you want to go get food or not?"

"Well, of course I'm gonna go with ya," he covered his mouth but I could vaguely hear him mumble to himself, "Can't risk other guys trying to get to my lady. No Sir, not her."

I put on my leather jacket, my back to Roddy, unintentionally showing off the Welsh flag painted on the back, once again hearing Rod mumble to himself.

"Where've ya been all my life baby."

"What was that, Roddy?"

"Nothin'," he spluttered out, as if he was shocked that I could hear anything he just said, "Let me drive."

"Rod. It's my D200, I'll drive."

"I know it's your car, but I'm gonna drive us." He said, quickly getting changed into some clean clothes and his usual kilt.

"Why?"

"I wanna treat ya, give you a surprise."

"Ok then, catch." I throw him the keys to the D200 and he catches them in one hand.

We drove out to a small Irish bar and Rod parked nearby.

"This place does the best homecooked fish and chips."

"Oh, really, so they're legit Irish?"

"I think so."

We walked in and the place went silent and I could feel the amount of eyes on the two of us. We got to a small table at the back and ordered full English breakfasts for two.

After a while and several drinks, not one being actually alcoholic, we got up to leave and this meant we had to walk past the main bar.

"Wrestling is fake, you know." one of the drunken idiots slurred out, he had obviously connected the dots of why we looked the way we do.

I bit my lip and tried to control my breathing, Roddy on the other hand…

"What did you say?"

…He was already advancing towards the guy, fists and teeth clenched.

"Rod, we should g-" I stated, trying to keep myself calm.

"NO!" he cut me off, "What did you say?!"

"Wrestlin' is fa-"

Rod's fist silenced the guy with a quick right hook, sending him sprawling on the floor and silencing the rest of the bar patrons.

I dragged Roddy out by wrapping my arms around his midsection and dragging him backwards out of the bar before letting him go.

"That, that fucker."

I got in front of him and pushed him back, away from the bar, "Rod, get in the fucking car before they come out here!" I yelled at him, and holy shit if that didn't set him off.

"I don't give a fuck if they come out here, I'll fucking kill him."

"Rod, let it go."

"No, I will not 'let it go' that fuck needs to be taught a lesson."

"Would you just get in the fucking car?!"

"Would you just fuck off."

"Fine, I will."

I stormed off, Roddy still had the keys to the D200 and I believed I could walk back to the hotel, my mask obscuring my face so people started looking, the fight, the argument and now the fact that people were staring at me. Today can not get any worse.

Oh boy was I wrong, it took two minutes for the rain to start and ten minutes for Rod to pull up in the (or rather, MY) D200. He pulled up and rolled the window down.

"I'm sorry, please get in the car."

"Fuck off, Piper."

"Kirby, baby, get in the car. Please."

I sighed and got in the passenger seat, "Why do you fly off the handle so easily, Rod."

"Why don't you, that fuck was insulting our job, our livelihood."

"Rod," I breathed out a hefty sigh and removed my mask so that my voice wouldn't be muffled, "Rod, I may not have fought the guy but I had to bite my lip and control myself. I had to count to ten in my mind and try not to escalate the situation further. I would have loved to go up to the guy and said 'Hey, the business isn't fake, we do this to feed our kids, but that's the thing Rod. I don't have kids I need to feed, I've been wrestling and working out for so long that I feel like I've forgotten to have a family, or even a life."

The car stopped suddenly and Roddy put his head in his hands, if the car had been any quieter he could have heard the pounding of my heart.

"You're not the only one."

"What do you mean?"

"I think I forgot to have a life. I've been alone and angry at the world for so long that I have forgotten that I'm human, and I need a private life, away from the ring, and for me to have that life, I need someone to share it with. A wife, for example, maybe a couple kids too. Heh, Imagine that, Roderick Piper, family man, forget it."

"Rod?"

"Yeah, Sweetheart?"

"Rod, I don't want to be alone."

"I know, baby."

"Rod?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about storming off earlier. I love you. I don't care how much this makes me sound sappy, but I need you in my life, I need that Scottish fire. Americans are dumb and the British are the British, and well Scots are the fiery, hot blooded warriors that I've grown up knowing but never being around until Erik. God, I just, I want to have a home, Roddy, and a family of my own."

"I wonder what our kids would look like?" He sounded like he had zoned out, but what he was mumbling to himself made me realise he hadn't zoned out, "What would we name them?"

"Rod, what do you think of the name, 'Enfys'?"

"What does that mean?"

"It's Welsh for 'Rainbow'. I'm not suggesting anyone name their child 'rainbow' I just think it sounds pretty."

"Why do Welsh names have to be so weird?"

"I'll walk back to the hotel if you insult my homeland again, boyo."

"All I'm saying is that there's a lot of 'y's and 'u's in Welsh names. Alright, lass."

"Rod, shut up and drive us back to the hotel."

"Make me."

We locked eyes and for a moment I forgot that we had started arguing again, I reached over and stroked Roddy's cheek, now realising that he had gotten himself beaten up again.

"Kirby, don't ge-"

"Why do you always get hurt, Roddy, don't tell me 'don't get upset' when you're beaten and bruised. Rod, drive us back to the hotel so I can patch," my breathing caught in my throat and Rod realised I was about to cry, "Rod, drive us back to the hotel so I can patch you up."

"Anything you say, just, please don't cry."

"Rod, I can't help the fact that seeing the love of my life battered and bruised, my natural instinct as a protective person is to show my sensitive side as I feel like I've failed to keep you safe."

"I failed to keep me safe, after you left I did the idiotic thing and stormed back into the bar, I got myself thrown through a table."

"Roddy, you fucking idiot. I told you it was better to leave without getting yourself hurt. Why didn't you listen?"

"Don't you go pulling the 'I told ya so' technique on me."

"Why not?"

"I've heard it my entire life, that's why."

"Well, maybe if you listened to it once in a whi-"

END OF NIGHTMARE or SCARED TO BE LONELY

[wingedweasel]

Would you rather...

Sorry for the super long post, but...

So my eyes were i a hostage situation with Twitter earlier, and I noticed a bunch of people posting things like ‘would you rather have $X or $Y?’ where x is an extremely huge amount and Y is a comically smaller amount. One was along the lines of ‘would you rather have one billion dollars all at once or 15 cents every day?’ The point of these is to bring up the idea of passive income and how it’s better to have steady income over large lump sums.

However, when it’s these comically small amounts, it would be better to have the lump sum. There was one that offered one million vs one dollar every day. Ummm, the million...? Every time. I’d choose the lump sum. Sure if it’s something like one million vs 10,000 every month, then okay, yeah, the parsed out payments would be better. I mean, yeah, it would take 10 years to get the same amount, but you would be getting more in the long run. Also, in these hypotheticals, there is no end date, so taking the monthly payment would be better since you could assume that you would keep getting the payments until you die. 

But - and this is the thing that got me questioning if I was missing something - why would anyone take the super small amount? If it was $1 a day, rounding all months to have 30 days, then you’d only be getting 360 a year, 3600 in 10 years. Why would anyone want that compared to having the lump sum of 1 million? 

What could you even do in that situation anyway? We’ve all seen those commercials “With $1 a day, you could save the life of a child/animal” uh...but I wouldn’t be spending $1 a day. I’d have to pay a large amount, that  yes, technically comes out to $1 a day, but I wouldn’t be getting a daily charge of $1. Getting $1 a day wouldn’t help anyone. As I said before, that’s less than 1000 a year. Even if it was somehow able to pass along to your descendants, it would take 2-3 of your descendants’ lifetimes to get to 1 million. And this is all assuming that you never touch any of that money in all of these lifetimes. 

I’m sorry, but no. That’s not gonna work for me. Especially if it’s something stupid like 15 cents a day. No, gimme the lump sum and I’d show you that I could make more with that lump sum than any low daily amount. 

This piggy backs off my belief of ‘sort yourself out before trying to sort other people out.’ This stems from having to grow up watching the people around me run themselves ragged trying to help others out of financial binds while they didn’t have the funds to do. I’d usually get the shaft because of that, and any financial decisions I had to make - when I was actually able to make them - had to go through this kind of tiered system and rank what I wanted to do over the wants (not needs) of other people. It sucked, still does since I’m still stuck in this system because of the decisions of other people’s past mistakes and temper tantrums. But yeah, that’s why I believe that a person should help themselves before they help others. I get that this comes off as selfish or egocentric, very ‘me first’ Americanism, and on one hand it is, but it doesn’t mean I (and the hypothetical others) don’t give to the poor or help others when they need it. It just means that I don’t think it’s good for you when you are guilted (or tricked depending on how you look at it) into opening a credit card to a tire shop when you don’t even have a license so that your sister can get her car fixed even though she has a very well paid job, but for some reason can’t afford to pay her bills and continues to not learn from her past mistakes by spending all her money as soon as she gets paid, constantly going on trips to Vegas, and seems to be always doing some money spending activity every weekend. 

Why are you asking if this was something that happened to me? What ever gave you that idea?

Anyway, getting back on tract of proving the lump sum is better: First, obviously, I’d pay off my debts. For me, I’m fortunate enough that it isn’t a massive amount, still a lot, but not hundreds of thousands. I won’t have to worry about a huge amount that I have to pay every month and not have to decide which bill gets the late fee this time. School loans, credit cards, not so much debits but a few people have gifted me various amounts to help pay my tuition, so I’d want to pay them back. I don’t have to because they were gifts, but I feel guilty that I had to ask them for money. 

Next, I would sort out my living situation. I would move to a better neighborhood in which I would buy a house there. I would also take the time to learn to drive and buy a car. I would have to outfit my new home, and while that can take a good chunk of money, second hand stores, Craigslist and the castaways from friends would help with a lot of that. I’d need to outfit almost everything because I would not be living with anyone else except my fur babies. In this fantasy, I’m saying fuck everyone else, I’m moving far far away from my family of leeches and never seeing seeing them again. I might send birthday/holiday cards/gifts to the ones I kinda get on with like my nieces and the one uncle that is actually a decent person, but everyone else can piss right the fuck off. They took advantage of me whenever I had money - more often when I didn’t have money and somehow managed to squeeze everything out of me then - so why should I help them when I have money now? Harsh? Absolutely. Petty? As fuck. 

After that, I’d invest. Obviously. If the point of the would you rather was to teach about the benefits of sustained constant income, then investing is the best way to do that. Investing in companies that have a history of doing well. Having a diverse portfolio is something that I’ve heard wealthy people talk about, so if one investment doesn’t pan out, I wouldn’t lose everything. Sounds...sound. I’d also take the time to invest in me. I’d finally be able to afford the hobbies and skills that I couldn’t before. I’d take back up with music and be able to afford lessons. I do better when someone is beside me telling me what I’m doing wrong and showing me how to do it correctly. Ex, I tried learning Japanese outside of a class setting and just couldn’t wrap my head around the basic sentence structure: XはYです. For some reason, my brain couldn’t figure out that x and y were nouns and it basically translates to X is Y. My brain freaked out, and I just couldn’t. However, day 1 of class, the figurative lightbulb went off and went “oh.” and laughed for a solid 10 minuets as soon as I got home. Musical instruments are the same way. I’ve tried to lear guitar and violin several times, but all without an instructor. Can’t do it. Hiring a personal trainer would be helpful as well. Getting someone to kick me in the butt about my fitness would go a long way in helping me reach my goals. Language tutors as well. I’ve maxed out my ability to learn at the community collage I take classes at, even though it’s been over 10 years since I took those classes, but I passed them so they’ve said screw you. While technically I could do all these things for free - there are various websites, YT tutorials, and Duolingo - like I said, I need that live teacher/student interaction for it to click. 

Finally, as I said above, help yourself before you help others, so now that I’ve helped myself, I can now start helping others. Not my family. Fuck them. However, there are friends that have helped me so much over the years, and now that there is money that I can actually use - remember those investments? They’d have started to see returns by now - I can now start ‘paying’ them back for all that they did. It may not always be money that they would give, just being a shoulder to cry on meant more than anything at times so they’d deserve something as compensation for putting up with my issues. However, because I would now be in a good place. I could literally afford to go ‘here, here is a little something to show how much you mean to me and as a small step in saying thank you for all that you did.’ I could also now go, ‘I see you are struggling, so here is something that you can use to help get out of the bad situation.’ This was - and still is - something that made me feel so guilty that I couldn’t do when I was younger. I’d see a friend need something - or even just really want, we were kids after all - but I sometimes couldn’t even spare a dollar to help them. Helping others also means gifting to charity. I have always wanted to be able to donate to charities, to give money to panhandlers - I don’t care some of them use the money for drugs or alcohol, the small amount who do do that shouldn’t cause you to not give to those who don’t - remember those commercials from before? Even if some of the charities suck major ass, there are some really good ones that I would love to be a donor. I could afford to be a Patron member for certain YTers, I could donate to small Twitch streamers. Kickstarters and GoFundMes would see my name on the donor list. Animal shelters and children’s hospitals; after school programs and community centers; friends and neighbors. I could do so much.

But it certainly wouldn’t happen if I received $1 a day. 

[2ndturtlederpoutta4]

So..uh.. I made an au days before the final season comes out... Yeah.. it.. was a spur of the moment thing... more under cut it gets long...

Anyways! I have no idea if some one made an AU like this already but I continue to plow ahead! If the name isn't taken I think I'd like to call this the Defect AU.. cuz, well, you'll see.

So essentially Catra has had a enough a wee bit sooner than the show. Like four to five years or so... But instead of staying with the horde so she can be more powerful, ergo protected against stupid bitches other people, she runs off. Because at this moment the best thing to be is to be as far away from Shadowbitch that Catra can get. And why would she do that?

Well I'm basing this off a hypothetical situation. Let's say in canon Adora was there for the majority of the abuses, directing them away, not stopping them, but making them less.. painful. And of course there are instances where Catra is caught alone, and she has to deal with the brunt of these abuses. But Adora is there as a somewhat constant comfort, even if she is unaware of that fact. Now in this universe same idea applies. Except.. less so...

Adora is still an oblivious comfort, but she is around less. In this universe there is a young leaders project started up by Shadowbitch which is meant to weed out the more potential leaders and shape them up. It doesn't mean much, just more regulated training and classes about how to lead and such. And unfortunately Adora became part of that. She is around less, unable to help Catra when she gets in trouble. So and Catra is like 'this is fine, it's fine. As long as Adora is by my side in the end, I'll be fine.'

Until it isn't.

One day Catra is getting the shit kicked out of her. Nothing new she can take it. Shadowbitch is bitching at her, nothing new there either. Catra is daydreaming about how fantastic it would be to claw out the bitches eyes when Shadowbitch brings up Adora. She begins to talk about how dead she'll be when Adora is gone and how useless she is without her handler. And Catra is, 'what are you talking about?'

Shadowbitch goes off in her manipulative bitchy way and tells Catra how these extra practices are prepping Adora to join the high ranks, a place Catra won't be able to reach because she is nothing better than a lap dog. And that hits. Home run on spiral thoughts. Touch down on abandonment issues. 

Adora is going to leave her? No, no not- but it makes sense. Adora hasn't been able to spend a lot of time with her. She is in the leadership for kids thing. Shadowbitch is well, a bitch, but she is honest when it comes to Adora. Not to Adora, but about Adora. 'Adora, what we are doing is for the good of the world' lie. 'Adora you are so talented and gifted. You will do great things for hordak.' truth.

And though Shadowbitch is wrapping all this with insults and threats, Catra can see the truth in it. Because Adora can become a leader. And if Shadowbitch wanted it, she would leave Catra behind(not really but that is what Catra believed).

So Catra makes a decision, and decides she would have better luck outside the horde. She runs off, because there is nothing here for her anymore. Once upon a time she had a sliver of hope of that she could become big enough, strong enough, high enough rank wise that she could be out of Shadowbitchs reach. But Shadowbitch squashed that dream into smithereens, leaving Catra with a harsh possible reality that she would never be anything more than a foot soldier set up to die in the front lines. 

Adora, her one savior, her one anchor, is going to leave her. So why not leave before someone else gets a chance to hurt her to? Its not like Adora needed her anyways.

And thus Catra beginning her journey outside of horde. She tries her best to avoid the forest, because she does not need a princess army on her tail. She stays to the edge and just altogether avoids both parties and anyone of the in-between. But things usually don’t work out like that for Catra.

She gets caught up in a few things and is like this weird legend on the battlefield. Soldiers reports are like 'we were cornered and for sure gonna die when this fuckin blur came out of nowhere and just took out a whole squad. It was this demon thing that let out a howl of rage as it bit off the heads of these horde people. Definitely a mad spirit or something or another.' because she would so be against the horde just trying to fuck up Shadowbitch a bit. Like she won't join the rebellion side, but she definitely would take out a squad or two in spite of Shadowbitch. Which of course may lead her to a few misadventures with some young rebels, making some friends with a few maybe.

I don't see her finding the crimson waste till later, maybe after a year or two of being out on her own? She hears a small tiny rumor about there being people there but it was mostly a fable set up by some villagers. So she thinks. At one point when she is getting chased by some horde soliders because she managed to piss enough off, she finds herself heading to the crimson waste and is just like fuck it let's do this. She finds it and. She is in heaven.

Unlike canon she doesn't go for top power because Huntress is still in power at that point, and well she isn't really looking for anything other than a safe spot away from both the horde and the rebellion.

She stays for a bit, occasionally heading out back to the main action if she really feels like fucking around, maybe visiting some rebel/neutral friends, but her main base is at the Crimson waste. 

Anyways Adora finishes growing up with out her best friend and actually gets a bit distrusting of Shadowbitch because of Catras sudden disappearance. Why would Catra want to leave? Outside the horde there were princesses and dangers beyond compare and Catra is protected and safe here. She would have absolutely no reason to leave, the horde is her home. But Adora stays faithful. Until on the day before she goes to force captain orientation. Adora finds a file casing and at first she is like, I should return this, but then she sees a picture of Catra. It was a picture from around a year ago, a stray footage of her when she got caught between a horde and rebel battle. And Adora is just like what the fuck oh no I got to check this out. So she does the responsible thing and takes out the skiff out to inspect a battle sight that happened over a year ago. Yeah bear with me I will fix the plot later.

But in a turn of events she finds the sword yionks it and thus the start of the series. She distrust the rebels but sticks with them because, one she wants to figure out why the sword talked to her, two they might have an idea of where Catra might be at. And later because she figured out that she was on the wrong side of the battle.

that is all I got for now, I want to make more doodles and maybe comics and fics later, but feel free to ask any questions!

[anarcoqueer1994]

Be My Beard?

A story about the Kippen family being terrible and homophobic and Amber and TJ being the best disaster gays.

(Please be kind, wrote this post seizure today so my brain is being wonky <3 )

TJ and Amber Kippen were gay. Very gay. But neither teenager was out to the family. Of course they knew the other one wasn't straight, they could never keep anything a secret between each other. But the thought of telling the whole family scared both of them.

A few years back, when Amber was in the 8th grade, and TJ was in the 6th, an incident happened that freaked them both out. They were having Christmas dinner with their parents, both sets of grandparents, and a bunch of aunts, uncles, and all their kids. Amber recently figured out she was a lesbian. She had told TJ and of course he was supportive and excited for her. But neither could predict how their family would react. And they needed to know before Amber came out, and even though he hadn't said it out loud, before TJ came out.

So at Christmas dinner she decided to test the waters to check how they would react. Amber casually said, "This girl in my class just told everyone she was a lesbian, isn't that so brave of her?" She muses.

Her aunt Robin on her dad's side was the first to speak up. "All these kids think they are gay at your age, sweetheart. She will figure it out." 

Out of the corner of her eye a few people nodded. But then it goes back to general talking and laughing at the table. But Amber and TJ needed to know more. So TJ decides to poke a little further. Over the voices around him, he says"But what if she doesn't 'figure it out?' What if she does only like girls the rest of her life? What if that makes her happy?"

Amber and TJ's grandma(on their mom's side) gets a very serious look on her face. The room is silent and awkward. She stares at Amber for a few moments, as if she was trying to calculate something. Then she turns to TJ, giving him a similar look. Finally she breaks her silence and coldly says, "Well then I would remind that girl that maybe she should think about what that would do to her family and friends, and that she should figure how to keep those feelings under control. It is all for the best...." She put on a sweet smile and quickly adds, " Hypothetically, of course." 

Then, just like that, everyone goes back to talking and laughing. No one bothered to defy her or what she said. Both Kippen siblings are left staring into their plates in quiet worry the rest of the night.

In the year that followed, both of them learned to 'hide' from their feelings, even denying the truth from each other. 

"Ambs, What are you doing going out with this guy, Jonah?" TJ asks, while sitting on her bed, as she does her hair for school.

"I happen to really like Jonah." She says in a voice that is uncertain if she is trying to convince TJ or herself.

"Don't lie to me, I know the truth. You have become colder to people, especially other girls. And you have become so clingy and possessive towards Jonah. You are pretending to be someone you are not. Amber, no matter what grandma says, it is okay if you are a les..."

"You don't know anything, TJ!" she cuts him off. "Don't start with me. Don't act like I don't see how much more of a jerk you have become since last year at Christmas. You have been trying to act like this hotshot, super 'manly' jock with a bad attitude to hide the fact that you are gay."

TJ quickly gets up and heads to the door. "Whatever Amber....I'm not gay. " He slams her door.

And it was like that for a while. But then they meet Andi and Cyrus, and both of them knew they were fucked. 

Amber first saw Andi when the other girl was talking to Jonah. Right away, Andi made Amber feel weak in the knees. Amber was terrified that Andi would bring out the feelings she had been working so hard to suppress. So she responded to those fears by purposely being as cold as possible to Andi and clinging tighter than ever to Jonah. But then she and Jonah broke up and even more surprisingly, she and Andi became friends.

There were some hiccups along the way in their friendship. There was the time at the ferris wheel. Most people assumed she left because she was jealous of Andi being with Jonah. In reality, she was jealous that Jonah was Andi's choice and not her. 

Then there was the warehouse party. That night she held Andi's hand for the first time. She remembers looking into Andi's little Bambi eyes and melting. That scared her. So soon, she took the opportunity to get close to Jonah again. He was her disguise. That's why she pushed so hard when they were dating, tricking herself into believing that she loved him so no one would suspect that she was a lesbian.

But always in the back of her head was Andi. So when she and Jonah broke up, it was almost liberating. She and Andi got closer and at Andi's party, they danced and her heart felt like it was going to pound out of chest. Then less than a week later, Andi texted her, asking her to meet her at The Spoon. That night Andi asked her out and against her better judgment, she said yes. They have been together ever since, a little more than a year now.

The other Kippen sibling was just as powerless against love. Cyrus gave him the courage and freedom to be himself, if only to just their friends. So both Amber and TJ were with people they loved who loved them back. Unfortunately...they had to keep it a secret to everyone but their close friends to negate the risk of their family finding out.

This was working out fine for a while. Their parents just assumed that Cyrus and Andi were their friends. But one day towards the end of TJ's freshman year, their plan started to crumble. Their grandparents were over and the family was catching up in the living room. The conversation was innocent enough until their parents leave the room and their grandma started asking about their personal lives. There grandfather sits obviously on the couch next to her.

"So tell me about what is going on in your lives?" She asks, looking between her grandkids. "Anything special? Anyone special?" She smiles.

Both kids look uncomfortably at the ground so she pushed on, in a faux sweet voice. "What about that girl in your class, dear? Remember the one you told me about a few years back?" Looking at Amber. "Did she ever figure out that this gay thing was a phase?"

They both knew what she was implying. She wanted to know if they were done with this "phase." They weren't dumb. She may not know specifics but their grandmother had a hunch and it scared them. Amber looks up quickly to meet her grandmother's eye, as awkward silence filled the room. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, she did. She even has a boyfriend now." 

"Oh, she does?" Their grandmother grins. "So what about you two? I know, Amber, you must be beating guys away with a stick." Then their grandfather speaks for the first time. "And TJ, must be like me back in the day. You are a real lady's man, aren't you?" The old man smiles.

TJ doesn't know what came over him but he finds himself speaking up. "Actually, I have a...." he suddenly forces himself to pause, his senses coming back to him. 

"A what dear?" The older woman asks.

"Um, a girlfriend." He lies through his teeth.

"Oh really? And what her name?"

TJ panics. He did not think this through. Amber looks over and sees her brother's look of fear and worry, so she steps in.

"Teej's girlfriend is wonderful! She's actually my best friend, Andi."

"What about you Amber? Do you have a special guy?"

"Uh yeah. His name is...its Cyrus. He's a boy in TJ's class." TJ is dumbfounded, looking at his sister as he tries his best to play along.

Their grandmother looks absolutely giddy. "I must meet them! You should bring them to family dinner on Sunday!"

"What?!" Both siblings say in unison.

"Yea, bring them to dinner this Sunday!" Their grandpa agrees. Every Sunday, they and their parents go to their grandparents house for dinner. But neither of them expected them to invite Andi and Cyrus.

Amber stutters "But aren't those special family time?" 

"Nonsense!" Their grandma exclaimed. Right then their parents return. She turn to their mom, her daughter. "Kim, I told the kids they can bring their special people Sunday." 

Their mother turns to them. "I didn't know you kids were dating anyone."

"Um, yea mom. I am dating Andi, Amber's friend. And you know how close Cyrus and Amber are." TJ tries to play off.

"That's so exciting!" She squeals. "Definitely bring them."

The kids groan internally knowing there is no getting out of this now.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

So that is how they ended up at The Spoon, nervously waiting for Andi and Cyrus. They sat on the same side of the booth, so when Cyrus and Andi walk in, they scoot into the other side across from the Kippen siblings. Both teens immediately notice the look of apprehension on their SO's face.

"What's going on guys?" Andi asks cautiously.

"Yea, you guys are scaring me." Cyrus adds, Andi nodding her head in agreement.

Amber lets out a dry laugh. "It's actually a funny story...um well…." TJ nervously smiles beside her. "We need you guys to be our beards this Sunday." She finishes.

"What do you mean, Ambs?" Andi reaches her hand across the table to grab Amber's.

"I, um, mean that our grandma came over the other day and started asking all these questions and we kind of ended up lying to her and she thinks Cyrus is my boyfriend and you are TJ's girlfriend. Then she told us to invite you guys for dinner. So we need you guys to help us to pretend to be happy straight couples for one night."

Cyrus and Andi share matching faces of shock. Cyrus says "You guys know how crazy this sounds, right?"

"Cy," TJ says pleasingly. "Our family isn't like yours or Andi's. Our parents, and especially our grandparents, are so anti-gay." There is almost a shared pain in the Kippen kids eyes as he speaks.

Cyrus' voice softens. "I know, Teej. I'm sorry. I will do it, if it will help you guys out."

Amber looks at Andi. "Bambi? What do you say?"

Andi smiles at the blonde haired girl staring at her. "Of course. I still think it is crazy but anything to help."

In that moment, TJ and Amber knew how lucky they were to have such amazing partners. The rest of the night was spent planning for Sunday. They needed to get everything right.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

The night they had been dreading finally arrived. They were having Andi and Cyrus meet them at their grandparent's house right before dinner. They figured, the less time they had to act out this charade in front of their family, the better.

Dinner was set to start at 7, and like clock work, Cyrus and Andi show knock on the front door around quarter til. When the kids open the door, Cyrus has a bouquet in his hands. He hands it to Amber and says "My lady. " TJ laughs to himself at the obvious show Cyrus is putting on. 

"Thank you, Cy." She smiles. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Andi wink, tipping her off to the fact that Andi picked those out. She blushes at that thought. Just then their grandfather walks up and slaps his arms around his grandkids' shoulders. 

"See TJ, that's how you treat a lady." He smiles and jokingly continues to TJ, "This young man is really showing you up bringing  flowers for Amber and you didn't get anything for this beautiful girl." He motions to Andi.

"What can I say. Grandpa? Cyrus really knows how to make a girl happy. " All four kids crack a knowing smile at the absurdity of it all.

"Well let's get you kids out of the doorway. We are about to eat." Amber and TJ nod as their grandfather speaks.

TJ moves forward and puts his arm around Andi's shoulder. They both try to look as if this is normal but aren't quite sure they are convincing. TJ hurriedly walks her to the table. Amber grabs Cyrus' hand and follows her brother and girlfriend.

They quickly sit around the long table. Andi and TJ on one side, and Amber and Cyrus on the other. The adults filled in the spaces in between as the begin to eat. It isn't long before their grandmother starts interrogating their "dates." Their parents stay quiet for the most part, letting their grandmother lead the conversation.

She starts with Andi. "Andi, that's an interesting name."

"Yeah, I guess." Andi awkwardly replies, not knowing what to say to that.

"A girl with such a unique name must have an exciting life. Tell me about yourself, dear."

"Well, I go to SAVA and focus on painting and sculpture. But I also love photography." Amber looks intently on Andi as she speaks. The way she always does, like she is holding onto every word. 

"Really?" Their grandma seems genuinely interested, as well as the other adults there. There dad asks, "What is your favorite thing to photograph?"

"I love doing candid shots of people, like I got this really great shot of Amber a few weeks ago." As soon as she realizes what she said, she freezes.

But it doesn't seem to phase anyone. Their grandfather says "Doesn't surprise me, our Amber could be a model. Isn't that right, Cyrus?" He elbows the brunette boy next to him, smiling. 

"Yes sir. She is beautiful." Cyrus smiles before taking Amber's hand over the table. What no one sees is he and TJ playing footsie across the table.

TJ gets the hint that he should probably say something. "Andi's pictures are amazing. She has these great pictures of all her friends. Like there is this really good one of Cyrus on the swings and it's like black and white. It's such a good picture." Andi smiles.

"Teej, you know I hate that one." Cyrus replies.

As if she was speaking for TJ, Amber replies "You know how much I love that picture. You look so cute." TJ looks down and smiles to himself. 

Their grandmother clears her throat. "Anyhow, what about you Cyrus? What do you got going on?"

"Well, I write for the school newspaper and am in the drama club."

Mrs. Kippen, their mother speaks for the first time all night. "I used to write for Grant's newspaper back in my day. What do you write on?" She grins.

"Mainly I'm assigned sports, specifically basketball related news since I am at every game anyhow."

"You like basketball?" Their grandfather questions.

"Not really sure. But I understand  it a lot better now. I am at all the girl's games because our friend, Buffy is on the team. And of course I am at the boy's games because of TJ." Their grandmother shoots him a questioning look.  "You know, Andi is my best friend so of course she drags me along to see her boyfriend play." He says, saving them from an awkward situation.

Dinner continues on without any more close calls. The teens all play their part well. That is until desert. Their grandmother brought out a decadent pie she baked. Everyone was welcome to cut off a slice. Cyrus goes to cut a small slice, when the knife slips, cutting his finger. He hisses in pain as he brings the finger to his face to examine the cut.

Without thinking, when he sees Cyrus hurt herself, TJ blurts out. "Are you okay, Muffin?" The room goes silent and TJ's heart drops.

His grandmother coldly asks "Why did you just call this boy, muffin?"

TJ looks down before saying, "I need to go." He dashes out of the room and to the backyard. As he does, Amber notices the look of sadness and fear in his face. She has now switched to full on protective sibling mode. Meanwhile Cyrus, without hesitation goes after him.

The old woman turns her attention to Amber. "What is going on?" Their parents look at the girl in equal confusion.

Amber takes a deep breath before standing up from the table. Andi looks at her, waiting to follow her lead. "Grandma, I know you know what is going on."

Her grandmother plays dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, it's the elephant in the room that none of you want to talk about. I see the way grandma and grandpa look at me and TJ." She turns to her parents. "I see the way you two look at us, so how about you ask me?"

"Ask you what, young lady?" Her mother replies.

"Ask me if I am a lesbian, mom." Her mother turns away, refusing to meet her daughter's eyes. Andi takes this as her cue to walk around the table and stand behind Amber, ready to be her support.

Through clenched teeth, Amber commands again. "ASK ME IF I'M GAY."

Her grandmother speaks next. "Don't  talk to your parents like that!"

"Well then, how about I talk to you like that,  then?! Grandma, you know the truth! I see it in your eyes. You know what I am. What TJ is!"

"Amber! Calm yourself!" The older woman replies. "We are not going to discuss this! You have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Yes, we are!" The blonde explodes. Tears mixed with anguish and rage stream down her face. "I'm tired of not talking about this! I'm tired of pretending! You need to accept that you have two QUEER grandkids." She turns to her parents. "You have two QUEER kids." Neither of her parents look at her. Her grandfather stares at his plate. The only person staring at her is her grandmother.

In a calm, icy voice, the woman speaks. "You are a disgrace. This behavior is embarrassing and honestly I feel bad for you. You are so confused." Amber freezes, hoping her parents stand up for her but no one speaks. Tears fall harder.

No one, but Andi. Andi grabs Amber's hand. The younger girl says defyingly. "Amber is the best person I know. She loves harder than anyone I know. She puts her heart out there and trusted me enough to protect it." Andi smiles softly before her features contort to anger as she stares at the adults around her."She deserves the world, not a family who treats her like this. I never want to see her cry, especially at the hands of the people that should love her the most."

The room is quiet. Andi starts to pull Amber to the backyard where the boys are.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Meanwhile, Cyrus had followed TJ outside. TJ slams his fist into the banister on the back patio. "Fuck. I messed up everything."

Cyrus comes up behind him and wraps his arms around the older boy. He rests his head on his shoulder. "You didn't mess up anything."

"Cy, I slipped up. They are all going to know." His voice cracks.

"You are fine, Teej. They are the ones who forced you to lie."

TJ looks down trying to hold himself together. Cyrus slips his hands off TJ so he can get to the side of him so they could look at each other, with TJ turning his body so they staring face-to-face. When he sees the fear in TJ's face and eyes, polluting every beautiful part of him, it breaks his heart. They both hear yelling from the inside. Amber is confronting the family.

"Oh god…" TJ says guiltily. "I just left Amber in there to deal with this. Now I'm an even bigger fuck up."

Before Cyrus could answer, they hear Andi defending Amber and TJ smiles if only for a moment. Cyrus whispers, "Hey you know the same goes for you too. You don't deserve to have your family hurt you. You deserve only love." Cyrus promises. Instinctively, TJ buries his face into Cyrus' shoulder as the brunette wraps his arms around TJ. 

Just then, Andi and Amber walk outside. Andi is holding onto Amber like she is trying to keep the other girl from falling into pieces. They step closer. "Cy?" Andi asks.

"Yea?" Cyrus whispers in return. 

"Let's get out of here. I think we all know they aren't sleeping at their house tonight." 

 

Cyrus nods. That night, all 4 of them had a sleepover at Andi's. They weren't sure on the plan for the next day. But that night, all that mattered was being together.

[realfuurikuuri]

Don’t Look Away

MMHOPH Missing Arm! AU fic

WC: 2,954

Angsty as fuck 

Oneshot

AN: This was a little thing I did using @spookylovesboba MissingArm! AU. It's been a while since I last wrote fanfic(like two years) but this was pretty fun. There wasn’t much to go on The AU gave a lot of room to invert the themes of the original source, which was pretty fun. If I had to place this anywehre on the hypothetical timeline it’d be before he finds the new arm so things aren’t too bloody. The story is a oneshot. I might do more; I might not. Depends on how I’m feeling. I could ramble about this for a lot longer, which I probably will in the tags, anywyas enjoy the fic.

Mao Mao polished Geraldine, holding the sword in his right hand, holding the handle with his tail. Every so often he would turn towards the silent monster alarm before he went back to pointlessly polishing his sword. Badgerclops and Adorabat were out getting… Ice cream, was it? He wasn’t paying much attention when they left. Maybe he should have joined them and actually done something with his day. The monster alarm wasn’t giving him anything to do. 

Ring! Ring! Ring! 

Or maybe it was. He grabbed his sword and headed out the door and headed back in when he realized that it wasn’t the monster alarm. The ringing was coming from the backroom. Covered in dust, hidden in the shadows, was the home phone. Mao Mao slowly walked up to the phone, mind already racing with the unfortunate possibilities. Was it going to be one of his sisters? Probably not, he never gave them his number. Was it going to be his father? Definitely not, Mao Mao almost found the idea of him finally calling commercial. Almost. 

Mao Mao reached for the phone,” hello?” 

“Is this… sheriff, Mao Mao?” 

The voice on the other end was faked, although there was something to it he could almost recognize. 

“Who is this,” Mao Mao asked. 

“Your reckoning. I am here to destroy everything you hold dear! I am here to make sure you get what's coming to you! I am-” 

“-Going to stay out of the mayo,” Mao Mao interrupted. “Dammit Pinky, quit prank calling the sheriff's department!” 

Mao Mao slammed the phone back down without even letting him finish. “Need to have the number changed again,” he said to himself. 

He sheathed his sword and headed for the door. He might as well explore the town. It was better than getting prank called by Pinky. 

* * * 

“He just hung up on me. The ass just hung up on me!” The stranger threw the phone on the ground, growling in frustration. “Can’t even let me threaten him right. Prick won’t let me do anything!” 

“Hey, that was our phone.” 

“Shut it!” The Stranger snapped, voice echoing throughout the Sky Pirates ship. 

Orangusnake didn’t know what to think of this man. Kid more like. He couldn’t have been much older than 16 maybe 17. He was a cat with mostly white fur, save for a patch of black here and there. He was a little taller than the sheriff and even sounded like the sheriff. The only thing the kid had that Mao Mao didn’t was both arms. If he closed his eyes he could easily imagine it was an extremely vulgar version of Mao Mao. 

“So whadda we do now, boss,” Ratarang asked. 

“Well, -uh, first we’ll…” 

“You’ll shut the hell up and let me do my thing,” the stranger said. 

“Hey! You can’t just come to MY ship. And start disrespecting MY crew.” 

“I can when I’ve already beat the crap out of you and tied you up.” 

“You haven’t even beat us up!” 

“Do you want me to?” 

Orangusnake was about to tell him to try it, but the kid’s eyes reminded him of Mao Mao on a bad day. 

“Fine! But you said you could get rid of the blasted sheriff for us, so you better do it.”

“Don’t throw a bitch-fit, I have a plan.”

* * * 

Mao Mao arrived in the town on foot because Badgerclops had to take the aerocycle. He walked through the streets making sure everything was under control. Occasionally he called out their names, but he got no response. It was quit. Too quiet. The town wasn’t on fire, Pigguns hasn’t tried to run him over, and there was no trail of mayo from Pinky. Something was horribly wrong. Did it only affect the sweetie pies? Was it the Sky Pirates? A monster? Did whatever happen also effect the King? Mao Mao gritted his teeth and began to run to the castle. 

He ran as fast as he could up the castle steps. He could hear chatter get louder and louder until he finally kicked down the door. 

“My door,” the king exclaimed, but Mao Mao ignored him. He had to take a minute to wonder what exactly he was seeing. 

The entire kingdom was caught in a net with a misshapen piano hanging above them like it was some sort of cartoon. The group Horde Gaggle Headache of sweetie pies all began to speak at once. 

“Quiet!” 

The headache finally fell silent letting Mao Mao think. He pointed his sword at the King. 

“Speak,” he said. 

“Sheriff, get me out of this mess these… ruffians are disgusting.” 

“What happened? Why you are in a net?” 

“Oh, help me! Help me! Help Me! Help me! The pink… thing is getting closer!” 

Mao Mao was tempted to let the King sit there and deal with Pinky however, he did sign his paychecks, so he had to do something. He took a few steps back before he began to run towards the net, pushing it with his one arm as the Piano began to fall. One swing with Geraldine and the leaf was in two pieces? What? Was Tanya behind this? Was she the one that kidnapped the sweetie pies? Did she do all of that just to mess with him? Why?

Mao Mao was moving towards the net when he noticed that the leaf wasn’t green. It was red. A nice fall red. 

“Sheriff! SHERIFF!” 

The King’s screams snapped him out the daze. He walked over to the net and grabbed the king by the collar. 

“Who did this,” he asked. 

“Who? I don’t know, just let me out-”

“Who did this,” he asked again.

“I said I don’t know, now get me-”  

“What did he look like?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. A black and white cat, maybe. A lot like you, actually.” 

Mao Mao let go of the king with a huff. He turned to the door and began to walk to the door.

“Don’t forget about me. Sheriff? Sheriff? Cut me loose...Please,” the King asked, Mao Mao’s mind too busy to hear; his mind buzzed with thoughts and old memories. 

* * * 

“So, uh, care to tell me what exactly is going on?” 

The Stranger looked up at his captives. One was a rather large badger with an eyepatch and a little blue bat. He knew the bear was Badgerclops although he didn’t know the small one. He expected it would take more than a half-assed ice-cream stand to catch them, but it seemed to work.

“What’s going on is that you'll both sit there quietly and wait for him to show up.” 

“Whose he,” the blue one asked. 

“I don’t know, maybe I would if someone would tell me what’s going on!” 

Orangusnake slunk up to the captives with a wicked smile. “What’s going on is-” 

“Nobody shutting the hell up. That’s what's going on,” The Stranger mumbled. 

“Okay, why are you so rude? I let you into my ship! Then you start yelling at everybody! What do you want?”

“First off, you don’t ‘let’ me be anywhere. I can do what I want and you certainly can’t stop me. Secondly, I’m not rude you all are just insufferable. Lastly, what I want is to finally give Mao Mao what he deserves.” 

“And what is that?” 

The Stranger just smiled and took out more leaves. A flick of the wrist and a puff of smoke turned them into poorly made dolls of Mao Mao, Badgerclops, the blue one and himself. 

“What are those?” 

“The important people.” 

“We aren’t I there,” Orangusnake said. 

“Dude, I literally just said it's the important people.” 

“That… that hurts.” 

The Stranger rolled his eyes going back to his dolls. “First, I kidnap you two. Already done that. Then he shows up and we beat him up. Once he’s all nice and bruised we bury him alive. Let’s see how he likes being locked up without anyone to help him.” 

The Stranger let out a cackling laugh. 

“You’re a lot like your dad you know that,” Badgerclops said. 

The laughter suddenly stopped. “What would you know?” 

“I mean, you’re Jǐngtì Mao, right? Mao Mao’s son?” 

Everyone turned to the Stranger. He squinted his eyes, pushing a finger into Badgerclops’ face. “Okay, its Jǐngtì Keys actually.” 

The blue thing’s eyes lit up like stars. “Oh my gosh! You're Mao Mao’s Kid! WhatshelikeWhereyou’vebeenIsn’thethecoolestwhoseyourmom- wait, if you’re Mao Mao’s kid then why’d you kidnap us?” 

“Well, you see… Blue thing. Mao Mao is… awful. So, I’m going to make use of the only way he taught me to deal with my problems: bury it deep deep down and hope it never comes back up.” 

“That doesn’t sound very heroic.” 

“Well, you see that would be a problem if I was a hero, fortunately, I’m not so I don’t have to worry about shit.” 

“If Mao Mao’s your dad then who's your mom,” Orangusnake asked. 

“Tanya Keys.” 

“Who.” 

“What do you mean who she was here like last week.” 

“Never met her.” 

“Really? Tanuki. Did the stuff with the leaves. I mean you should’ve met her, she’s a bounty hunter.” 

“These guys don’t have bounties on their heads,” Badgerclops added from the back. 

Jǐngtì turned to the pirates then back to Badgerclops. “Aren’t they pirates.” 

“Sky Pirates,” Orangusnake added from the back. 

“Yeah, but they suck so we never really placed bounties.” 

“We’re right here.” 

“Damn, I thought they were strong because mom didn’t catch them.” 

“Nope. They’re bottom of the barrel.”

“We’re still right here.” 

“Why do I even have these guys then?” 

Everyone turned when they heard a loud bang. “Open up Jǐngtì! I know you’re here.” 

“They may not be fighters, but I suppose they can be cannon fodder.” 

* * * 

Mao Mao kept knocking on the hull of the Sky Pirates ship. His one good hand was starting to hurt when the door finally opened a tad. Jǐngtì poked his head over the door, his face covered with the purple bandanna. 

“Son.” 

“You.” 

“It’s been a while.”

“Four years and 156 days. Believe me, I’ve been counting.” 

“How are you even out of jail?” 

“Mom paid bail.” 

“All of it?”

“What do you think she was so desperate for bounties?” 

Mao Mao sighed and scratched his ears. “If you stop know we can have this kidnapping stuff all blow over, so just get down here.” 

“You can’t make me.” 

“Yes, I can.” 

“There’s just one of you and six, maybe seven if you count the snake-monkey as two different people.” 

“You mean the Sky Pirates?” 

“Yeah.” 

Mao Mao raised an eyebrow.”Really? You’re just scraping up wood chips. I beat them once a week, twice if I need to blow off some steam.” 

“See! That’s the shit I can’t stand. You pretend to be better than everyone else when you’re just as awful!” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I make one mistake and you just throw me into jail. You didn't even try to help me. You complain about your dad when you’re not better.” 

Mao Mao didn’t know words could hit that hard. He felt all the wind leave his lungs and pain in his chest. He clenched his fist and closed his eyes before looking up again. “You can’t just do things without consequences. You can’t just do wrongs and expect no justice.” 

“You’re right,” Jǐngtì said,” so let me fucking bury you alive.” 

“Please get down here. And stop cursing, Adorabat’s only six.” 

“The blue thing?” 

Mao Mao nodded.

Jǐngtì turned over his shoulder then back to his father, looking him dead in the eyes. “Shit, ass, fuck, motherfucker, bitch-” 

Jǐngtì certainly inherited his obstinance. He climbed up and swung the back of his blade at Jǐngtì. He dodged the attack, stepping forward to bring down his knife. Mao Mao stuck his sword in the floor, freeing his hand to catch Jǐngtì’s wrist. 

“-cock, fucker, and motherfucker.”

“You said motherfucker twice.” 

“Well, I am fighting you so I guess it was on my mind.”

Jǐngtì pulled a bomb from his bag forcing Mao Mao to jump back. When the fuse burned out the bomb just turned back into a leaf.

“Pirates!” Jǐngtì called out.

Mao Mao was forced to let go and quickly step out of the way of Rammaraffe, he was pushed back by an egg-bomb from boss-hostrich, a small head-tilt was enough to dodge Ratarang. Orangusnake let out a battle cry, leaping forward with battleax brandished. He couldn’t win like this. He dashed underneath Orangusnake, and reached for Geraldine. When the sword was nearly in his grasp it was pulled away. 

“How does it feel to be disarmed again,” Jǐngtì asked. 

“You’re like really mean, you know that?” 

Jǐngtì gave Badgerclops the side-eye before transforming with a  large puff of smoke. “Meh meh meh meh meh, that’s what you sound like,” he said. 

“Hurtful, but why’d you turn into modern art?” 

Jǐngtì raised an eyebrow,” what do you mean modern art I’m supposed to be you.” 

“That’s supposed to be… me?” 

Badgerclops laughed. He laughed and laughed as Jǐngtì’s frustration grew and grew until he exploded in a puff of smoke. “You know what! I don’t see you doing magic! You don’t get to criticize me for doing mine!” 

Mao Mao pinched the bridge of his nose.“ Badgerclops, quit arguing with an actual child and free yourself. Also, hand my sword while you’re at it.” 

“Can’t tied up.” 

“Quit being lazy. You know that’s not even a rope. It's just a leaf.” 

Badgerclops rolled his eyes and stood up, popping the rope around with a puff of smoke. He pointed his arm right at Jǐngtì. “You’re both very demanding you know that?” 

“I suppose I’ll just try burying him alive another time.” 

Jǐngtì pushed Badgerclops arm up. A single misfire blasted a hole right through the Sky Pirate’s ship. He grabbed Adorabat without hesitation, jumping off Badgerclop’s face to start climbing towards the exit. Mao Mao called his son’s name, quickly following after. They climbed to the top of the airship. Jǐngtì held Adorabt in one arm. The wind howled in their ears. 

“That’s enough, Jǐngtì.” 

“Enough of what?” 

“Enough of all this. You have to stop.” 

“Why? Why should I?” 

“Because you literally held an entire kingdom hostage. You teamed up with the Sky Pirates. You’re just becoming a villain.” 

“Like father like son, I guess.” 

“Jǐngtì just… just stop before this goes too far.” 

Mao Mao walked forward while Jǐngtì kept walking back. 

“Before I too far? I already thought I did go too far back in Queens Putland.” 

“You stole from the monarch and stole their crown! You can’t just do that and expect nothing of it!” 

“So, I guess it's justified to leave me in jail without even trying to post bail. I guess it’s fine to just up and move on with your life like you didn't spend 13 whole fucking years with them! Instead, you fuck off and replace me with… this!” 

He shook Adorabat around like a ragdoll. “Careful!” Mao Mao shouted as he took a tentative step forward. 

“Listen I get it I… am a hypocrite, certainly not the best father, but that's no excuse to do any of this.” 

“Shut up! Just shut up!” Jǐngtì reached into his pouch throwing leaf after leaf. 

Some turned into bikes, others into furniture, pianos and anything heavy. It didn’t slow Mao Maod down; he just cut them down one after the other. The final thing he threw was also the largest. A massive boulder that belonged at the slope of a mountain hurled through the air. Mao Mao simply raised his hand, simply grabbing onto it so tightly that it popped.

“Are you done?” 

“No, I’m not done! I never will be until you finally get your shit together! Put action to your words, and try, for once in your life, to do something right!” 

It happened in an instant. A step back when nothing was there. Jǐngtì fell back, too surprised to even scream. 

Mao Mao lunged forward grabbing onto his wrist.

To his horror, Jǐngtì seemed genuinely surprised. “Why?” 

“Does a man have to give a reason to protect his own children?”

The look in Jǐngtì’s eyes gave him hope. Hope that maybe mistakes can be fixed, or at least worked past. He helped Jǐngtì to his feet and placed his hand on his shoulder. Jǐngtì refused to look him in the eye, but he didn’t shrug it off. 

Without warning, he threw down one of Adorabat’s bombs. A cloud of smoke filled the air. When the smoke cleared he was holding Adorabat and Jǐngtì was nowhere to be seen. 

“Mao Mao,” Adorabat said. 

“Hm?” 

“What was that?” 

Mao Mao took a deep breath as he searched for the right way to phrase it. “Adorabat, we all have to deal with the consequences of our actions. You can’t just forget about them, lest we start to hurt the people we’re close to.” 

“Did you forget him, Mao Mao?” 

“You know what? I never could. I never even wanted to. I hope he knows that.” 

A loud crash shook the ship. Badgerclops helicoptered out through a brand new, much larger, hole with his arm cannon at full charge. “Alright daddy issues, that’s enough.” He waved his cannon around, searching for his target. 

“What?” 

“No not you. Jǐngtì,” Badgerclops said. 

“You can put the arm cannon down now. He’s long gone.” He knew Jǐngtì wasn’t. He taught him that disappearing trick, after all. 

“Oh. Well then let's get the aerocycle and go. I have no idea where it's parked.”

“But I didn’t ride the aerocycle here.”

Badgerclops groaned and they shared a laugh as they walked back home

[scribeofmorpheus]

Robin’s Girl [3/4]

Pairing: Robin x (OC) Clara | Steve Harrington x Reader

Sequel to: Meet Cute | Chapter List

Chapter Title: Bad Reputation | Words: 1.8k

Note: I know this chapter is short, sorry for that, I just lost my writing mojo these past few days and I’m hoping to get it back for a long and fluffy finale. And who knows, I may just do another Christmas Special for this series too, somewhere down the line.

If you enjoyed this story don’t be afraid to like, reblog or comment. I don’t bite. Taglist is open just send an ask.

Playlist by Ari ♥

~

Clara rubbed circles onto her best friends back while they sat in her empty bathtub, legs dangling out of the tub just like when they were kids.

A box of tissues placed between her folded legs so she could easily reach down and hand Y/N a new tissue when she needed it. The room was filled with sounds of soft hiccups and stuttering breaths between silent sobs.

Y/N had always been a silent crier, it panged at Clara's heart to see her so conflicted.

Robin had stayed with Steve to carry out her own respective best-friend duties that consisted of throwing things at Steve while asking him "Hey dingus, what the fuck did you do?" repeatedly. At least that's what Clara kept picturing after she left Steve's big, empty house with Y/N tucked under her arm.

"I- I… just, ugh! I hate this!" Y/N grumbled. "We've never fought like this before!"

"I don't get the big problem here," Clara handed her a tissue. "I thought you wanted to have the whole small town family, white picket fence and four-bedroom house aesthetic. Not to mention, raise the perfect two and a half ratio of kids with Mr Perfect Hair?"

Y/N laughed feebly, before sniffling. "Yeah, eventually. When I'm like thirty-five and have already started working on my crow’s feet after having spent my twenties doing dumb shit like getting a terrible tattoo and renting a shitty apartment with no heating!"

"I take it he isn't planning on leaving Hawkins anytime soon?"

Y/N shook her head, her hair bouncing about. A stray strand hit Clara in the eye, making her recoil and blink agitated tears away.

"And to think, if we'd been popular, we'd probably be in the same situation as him," Clara tried to cheer her up, but Y/N just kept her chin tucked under her neck.

"Don't joke, you're bad at it," She said flatly. "Besides, it’s not just about him being reluctant to send out college applications. There’s something else... He's got a secret, I can feel it. I was fine with it at first, I mean everyone is entitled to their secrets. I just always figured he'd tell me, you know... when he was ready, too. But..."

"But it's been a year and he still hasn't told you," Clara finished.

"Yeah..." Y/N sighed. "Whatever his secret is… It's part of the reason why he won't leave."

"Okay, that's it!" Clara sat up from the tub and yanked Y/N with her.

"Wha--"

"We aren't going to sit in here and mope about like those women in that shitty TV drama my mother lives and breathes by!” Clara’s face assured Y/N that she wasn’t having any of this mopey bullshit. “We're young and deserving of a good weekend! Now wipe those tears away, put on some tacky makeup and dust off the most questionable outfit in my wardrobe. We're long overdue for a girl’s night."

Clara marched Y/N into her bedroom and pried the untidy closet doors apart, clothes falling out in the process.

"Where are you going?" Y/N asked when Clara turned to leave.

"To hotwire my dad’s convertible!" She flashed her pearly whites mischievously.

"Can't you just look for the keys?"

“Don’t want to waste any time!”

***

Robin lifted her hands in hopeless prayer that Steve would see reason.

"Why won’t you just tell her why you're so afraid to leave?" She threw a pillow at Steve's head for the umpteenth time in a row.

Steve deflected the pillow easily, using it to lean his chin on instead.

"Yeah, because that would go just swimmingly," Steve rolled his eyes before rambling in a fake voice: "Oh, uh, hey Y/N I have to tell you something. The reason I don't want to leave is... well, believe it or not, Hawkins is smack-dab in the middle of some sort of hot spot for a creepy mind-flaying creature from a dark dimension known as the Upside Down and no matter how hard I try to move on from that act, every time I close my eyes I'm reminded of all the very real things that go bump in the night!"

Steve's hands shook subtly as he ran them through his hair, clearing away long stray hairs.

"Okay, but Steve, you do realise if most people knew what we knew they'd want to leave Hawkins because of the fact it was a hotspot for weird shit!" Robin tried to reason with him.

"And if everyone who knows about this shit leaves, what happens then? What happens if that thing returns and there's no one to stop it?"

Robin slammed her hands on the table, "You're one guy Steve. You're not Eleven or Hopper, you don't have superpowers or a badge and gun. What could you do all by yourself? Yeah, you managed to knock out one Russian, but that was once. What would you do if it was an army or... that creepy flesh monster? Throw a firework at it and hope for the best?"

"I've got my trusty bat!" Steve said defensively as he looked away from his best friend.

Robin groaned, "That bat isn't even yours, it's Nancy's!"

"Hey, don't shit talk the bat," Steve pointed at Robin.

"Whatever," she shook her head before plopping down next to him on the couch. "I just don't get why you'd risk letting this amazing girl slip away from you just for a hypothetical. You love her Steve! I know you do. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have nearly crashed your car twice in one day when we went to pick her up from the bus station."

Steve rested his head on Robin's shoulder, eyes turning glassy, "It's just… what if something happens and he needs me and I'm not around to be there for him?"

Robin lowered her voice when she saw how conflicted Steve appeared, "You mean Dustin?"

"Yeah..."

A small smile crept onto her face, "You mean the kid who was able to build a super radio tower just so he could talk to his girlfriend from camp, that kid?”

“When you put it like that...”

”Trust me, if he needed you and you weren't around, you best be damn sure he'd find a way to get a hold of you."

Steve chuckled before he sat up, the phone's high pitched ringing disturbing their moment.

"I'll get it," Robin offered.

Steve tucked himself into the couch with a blanket as he stared blankly at the muted TV screen.

"Hello," Robin's voice barely a whisper from across the room. "Yeah? Oh- uh… I'll see how Steve feels about it first, he's kinda down. Yeah, sure. I'll call you back in a sec."

Robin set the phone down and stood in front of the TV screen to get Steve's full attention.

“Hey, can’t you see I’m pretending to watch that?”

"So… Clara called. Said she's got something planned and asked if I could make it. Just say the word and I’ll call her back and cancel."

Steve took a moment before he pulled the blanket closer to his chin, "Nah, go. I'll be fine. I think some time alone with my thoughts is just what I need."

Robin bent down to look him in the eye, "You sure?"

"Yeah, no point in both of us being miserable. Go, salvage what's left of the day."

“Fine,” Robin gave in. “But I’m going to call you a babysitter.”

“A babsitter?” Steve sounded confused.

“Right after I call Clara back.”

Robin ruffled his hair affectionately before making her way to the phone to dial Clara's number.

"Just make sure to write down the address of where you're going in case you guys need me for anything!" Steve shouted as he unmuted the TV.

***

Clara honked the horn of her dad's convertible, the top rolled down, night lights beaming brightly against the pitch-black road with no working street lights.

Her best friend was laying across the seats in the back, forearm draped over her eyes as she let out less than eager noises.

Robin rushed from Steve's house still in the clothes she borrowed from Clara earlier.

Robin motioned to open the passenger door but child lock was still on, Clara reached across her seat and opened the door from the passenger side.

"All set?" Clara asked with a large smile on her face.

"I think so," Robin shrugged.

Clara reached into the glove compartment, her hand grazing Robin's knee making them both exchange heated looks. After an awkward laugh, Clara grabbed a handful of cassette tapes and placed them on Robin's thighs.

"You're designated DJ! Y/N is in no state to operate the radio unless you want to listen to sad romance ballads by Heart!" Clara joked.

"Ugh, love is deeeaaaaad!" Y/N said bitterly.

Robin's eyes went wide, her lips pressed closed to keep a laugh from escaping. "What do we want to listen to?"

"Dealers choice," Clara winked before shifting gears and driving away from Hawkins for the night.

Robin read all the song titles written in different colour pen or marker and finally made a decision. She popped open the plastic case, took out the tape and jammed it into the radio. After rewinding the tape she pressed play on the clunky button and Bad Reputation by Joan Jett blared out of the cars static fizzling speakers.

***

The queue to get into the club was long. Clara, Robin and Y/N had been standing out in the cold in less than warm apparel for about twenty minutes.

"Ugh, Clara it's been forever! Let's just go back home so I can drown in a tub of chocolate chip ice-cream and watch re-runs of Baywatch!" Y/N groaned childishly, tugging on Clara's leather jacket.

Clara sighed, "Not a chance. Those two things are ingredients for disaster. Gimmie a sec."

Clara excused herself from Robin and Y/N and made her way to the bouncer at the door. After a few minutes of conversing and pointing to the back of the line, Clara wore the bouncer down -they seemed quite chummy with one another- before she flagged Robin and a moody looking Y/N over.

Robin ducked her head to try and block out the glaring looks from the people still stuck in the line while Y/N apologised to each person her eyes landed on.

Once through the heavy steel doors and down a corridor that was so tight it felt like the walls would cave around them, Clara opened her arms with a smug smile on her face and a slight nod to the beat of the loud music coming from the live band.

"Alas, ladies… Welcome to my mecca!" Clara said excitedly as she turned to look at the bewildered Robin and droopy faced Y/N. "Now, let’s get us some drinks!"

"Uhhh, finally, a good idea!" Y/N cheered as she led the charge to the cramped bar.

Clara bit back a laugh as she leaned in to whisper in Robin's ear, "Something tells me I’ll have my work cut out for me babysitting Mrs Perfect Hair!"

Robin chuckled, "Sometimes I think we are practically their guardian angels!"

Clara cocked her head to the side, a sneaky grin toying with her facial muscles, "Did you just call me an angel?"

Robin blushed, "Wha- No, no… I- I didn't mean it in that way."

Clara laughed as they tried not to get separated in the large crowd, "No, I think that's exactly what you meant."

Clara winked just as she heard her best friend shout without any reservation, "Give me whatever has the highest alcohol to sugar ratio! In fact, make that two!"

"That's my cue to make sure she doesn't give herself alcohol poisoning," Clara yelped with wide eyes as she raced passed the still blushing Robin.

***

Tags:@theconscientiouswriter @chims-kookies @electroma89 @thechickvic @mochminnie @timeladygallifrey

Permatags: @gruffle1 @thechickvic @notawarriorjustyet @savethehoneeybees 

[flowerslut]

1/2: hiii, i was wondering if you have the time (and/or patience), could you please explain further about vampire age vs. human age when turned and how that effects how they act and what teenage tendencies the vampires will be prone to? like i get the whole child development frozen. can't be taught. but for like the cullens physical age (17-20s?) you're telling me their 50+ years won't affect them at all? like they won't mature mentally at all? learn? does this make sense? it confuses me too tbh

I always have time to procrastinate my real life responsibilities to talk about twilight are you joking

this is going to be long. so uh, apologies, I guess.

I'm no neuroscientist or anything (fucking duh) and I feel like smeyer makes all of her science-esque explanations vague enough to be left up to some sort of interpretation, but with my understanding it all has to do with what the brain can actually do. so, again, while I’m not a neuroscientist, I am a teacher. I did study child development pretty thoroughly back in school and I work with kids that range from infants to 12 year olds. so I’m going to start with an example on child vampires before I answer your question about teen vamps.

here’s the way I see it:

say you’ve got a two year old. alriiiight, lets make that baby a vampire! now, two year olds are basically large babies who are just beginning to function as people. words are there because vocabularies are being built. fine and gross motor skills are lacking but still being actively improved upon. their understanding of the world as a whole is also pretty basic because they can’t grasp larger concepts. sitting down a vampire toddler—even one who has been a vampire for 5 or 10 years—and saying “hey. you’re illegal. which means we have to keep this on the down-low, meaning you have to like, listen, or both you and I are going to to be straight-up murdered by our immortal lawmakers.” isn’t going to get you any results. your little abomination is just going to ignore you after the first 6 words and start to wonder why you’re making such a funny face.

in the words of Piaget, children aren’t “little adults” and literally cannot function as such because their young brains prevent that. they just don’t have the tools. 

I know smeyer took all sorts of “it’s supernatural!!” liberties with Advanced-Functioning-and-Brain-Development Renesmee but the way I make her existence work in my head canons is by headcanoning the opposite with her: I want to see the vampire side of her show in more realistic (and less idealistic) ways. where her parents are frozen vampires, I want to see her slowly developing, as opposed to the weird hyper-developing thing smeyer had going in order to age her faster to get her with Jacob quicker, but uh *coughs* we won’t go into that nasty fact. I want to see a Renesmee at her 2 year old birthday party and she’s still the size of a 6 month old. (Emmett blows a noisemaker too close to her head and she bursts in to tears; he’s subsequently banned from the cottage for a month but it’s not like he misses out on anything. Next time he’s over Renesmee has barely grown anyways.)

so while we have Renesmee’s frankly disturbing case, let’s go back to the actual topic:

the thing is, vampire children’s brains aren’t developing. they’re learning, as all children do, but what makes (human) kids wild from a general standpoint is how fast they do it. but again, with the rate at which their brains develop and their bodies grow, of course they’d pick up things so quickly. they sort of have to in order to help them navigate this world around them in which most pieces of information they’re introduced to are 100% new concepts to them.

now, the real question: can vampire children learn. yeah, to an extent, they probably can. but they’re not learning the way you and I do, or the way a normal kid might. let’s go back to our hypothetical two year old baby vamp for a second. so this kid is frozen in time, right? so that means that while they might practice or perfect skills that are usually developed as they grow, they won’t be able to build off of those learned skills and advance them into something more or something better.

for example, a two year old who has learned to catch and throw a ball with someone else will eventually learn how to throw and catch the ball by themselves because their motor skills and hand-eye coordination will improve as they develop.

not with our vampire baby, though. imagine anything you can teach a two-year old with one full day of practice: catching a ball. hopping with two feet instead of just one. putting on a hat by themselves. now, imagine anything you can teach a five-year old in the same period of time. how to tie a knot. how to do a cartwheel. how to recognize specific words. so, with a two-year old vamp who is technically 5 years old, they wouldn’t be able to further their skills like a human 5 year old because they don’t have the tools to build their skills. so while you may have a 2 year old who can catch a ball from a literal half-mile away, they aren’t going to figure out how to tie their shoes even if you worked on it for 6 months. it aint going to work. they’re going to be figuratively left in the dust developmentally and they’re going to stay that way because, you know, the unchanging nature of the vampire deems it so........

now with our poor, unfortunate immortal teenagers. oof. I really feel for them. I mean, as a grown woman I think back to seventeen year old me and cringe sometimes. all people do, but then I imagine if her development had been stunted and she’d been trapped in that body and mindset for an eternity. it really gives a gal some fucking goosebumps, that’s for sure.

I know everyone likes to joke about how Esme is the only person with braincells in the family because she’s the only one with a fully developed pre-frontal cortex, but when you think about the fact that developmentally she really is the only one who should be calling any shots for that family it makes you wonder why smeyer didn’t make the Cullens a matriarchal family (I mean, we know why, but I digress...)

since the Cullens are written by an adult (and Bella, too, for that matter) that’s why when we read the books when we were younger we all most likely thought “oh! they’re all so level-headed and mature!” and they are a little bit. but that’s because they’re written like that. if the Cullens were as developmentally stunted as smeyer claims they are then they’d be every bit as chaotic as the fandom likes to head canon them as. poor impulse control. bad decisions nearly every step of the way. and sure, they’d learn from mistakes. but when faced with a split-second to make a decision it doesn’t matter if you have 50 years of lived experience behind you. that 17-year old brain in that head of yours is going to act and react. ain’t nothing you can do to stop it.

that’s why Edward being like “alright. fuck it. I'm killing myself” in new moon makes sense to me. and it’s why Rosalie being angry and jaded for nearly the entirety of the series makes sense to me. combine their ages and their last human moments and look back on where there development was stunted: a lot of the shit that people complain about their characters will feel like it makes a shitload of sense. it doesn’t matter if they’ve been ‘alive’ for 100 years.

(this whole thing is also why I made Esme the head of ‘the family’ in CotN, for all intents in purposes. bc of fucking course she would be.)

but think about how frustrating it would be, even with the super-vampire-memory, to look back at every single time you gave into the same impulses. sure, you’ll tell yourself you’ll do better next time. and maybe you will. but the brain calls the shots y'all. and while you might think you’re fully in charge of what it has to do or say, you really are only a passenger in this thing. along for the ride.

to finally answer your question: I think, yes. you are going to have teenage vampires who give off an air of maturity to them because of all of their lived experiences. but I still believe having even a 23 year old in charge (because now I look back on 23 and I’m like, hm, yeah. still a baby.) of a coven of vampires is fucking foolish as shit. but I mean, if Carlisle were as ‘smart’ as his medical degrees say he is, with him at the helm of the family the Cullens wouldn’t get into half the shenanigans they do. that pre-frontal cortex development is vital in making sure someone doesn’t give into impulse, can make thoroughly thought-out decisions, and has proper judgement in a variety of ways. without that, it’s a recipe for disaster (i.e. see: the entirety of The Twilight Saga.)

[mythvoiced]

@enchcntd - THE OG GAYS, OFC — ultimate ship meme!

---

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Uh? Forever? Obviously?

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight but it was definitely “good god, this is something”, at first sight (at least for Patrick) so I’m thinking it didn’t take that long, they were infatuated pretty early on, and they both feel Very Strongly, SO HERE THEY ARE

How was their first kiss? - It had the intention to become steamy because at first Patrick thought “yes, this’ll do it, this’ll show him my feelings” but then their lips touched in that random-ass bathroom stall in the men’s toilet at a gala event organised by one Anthony Sullivan, and it was just... slow sparks, it was the “we have to pull away after a literal second because neither of us can believe this is happening and oh god this is what i’ve been missing all my life, isn’t it”

Wedding:

Who proposed? - The absolute idiot that is Patrick Finch (said, of course, affectionately) he just kinda suggested it and well, hey, once you’ve put it out there, all you gotta do is get a ring and PUT IT ON IT because I’m mad Pat didn’t show up with a ring right away >:( but then again, it wasn’t exactly a planned proposal

Who is the best man/men? - We haven’t discussed this yet BUT ALLEN’S DEFINITELY THERE, I don’t know who’d apply for Spencer so feel free to scream the names at me <w< I don’t think either of them would want people who aren’t like, super close to them, though, right?

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Not applicable, but to be honest Liv should be IF yknow

Who did the most planning? - Patrick struggled a bit here because he’s used to planning things SOLO (comes from having a naturally strategical mind AND being alone for so long and all the time) but he wouldn’t want to just leave Spencer out of it when he’d know he’d feel bad if he couldn’t participate, so they probably balanced it according to their abilities... And then Pat’s mum Susan flew in and had to be physically restrained by Allen because planning a wedding is on her bucket list and she adores Spencer so she literally is usually sitting there, in a corner, waiting until she can help with something

Who stressed the most? - This would go to Spencer, right? Patrick does his own fair share of stressing on the daily (can’t he rest) but he having Spencer nearby calms him down ALSO because he wants to be calm enough to help Spencer when he’ll start stressing (this is probs the planning only, because I feel like if we’re talking about the idea of marriage itself, Patrick wouldn’t sleep for a week, but I dIGRESS, Allen is here during that period, he’ll smack some sense into him, don’t worry)

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Anthony Sullivan, Reginald Finch, and Patrick put off inviting Robert until his mother ripped him a new one

Sex:

Who is on top? - They both are... ON TOP OF THE WORLD because they are very deeply in love with one another

Who is the one to instigate things? - They haven’t worked their way up to that topic/situation yet and they both seem fairly comfortable with just letting it rest wherever it may be for a while longer, lmao

How healthy is their sex life? - Well, healthily nonexistent, LEAVE THEM ALONE Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - No Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Fellas, I don’t even know if Spencer masturbates, I know Patrick doesn’t even do that, HOW AM I SUPPOSED-

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Hypothetically speaking, because this is literally all we’re doing here (I’m tryna swerve this section, not gonna lie) the answer would be YES, although Patrick would be more inclined to take care of Spencer’s because for obvious reasons

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - None! Biology doesn’t work that way!

How many children will they adopt? - AT LEAST one, I don’t feel like they’re thinking of adopting another at the moment, BUT DEFINITELY one! Her Royal Highness Samantha Finch

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Sammy didn’t use diapers anymore when they adopted her!

Who is the stricter parent? - Patrick! Outwardly! He tries to be! He’s a big softie but he’s also terrified of losing her

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - BOTH! They’re quite apprehensive BUT at the same time, Patrick believes if a kid’s feet aren’t dirty at the end of the day, have they really lived the day? Falling of a low branch off a tree every so once in a while is okay, it depends entirely on what Sam can handle, because she may be on the spectrum, but he’s not made out of glass neither should she be treated as such, mic drop LMAO

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Kitchen is Spencer Terrain! Therefore, by extension, SPENCER!

Who is the more loved parent? - She loves them equally for different reasons! You can’t really compare them, because they’re two completely different beings and she adores them for who they are as individuals.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Patrick would make it a habit to be around for them CERTAINLY because he wants not only to be there for Sam, but also for Spencer the first few times, thinking the idea would stress Spencer out. Not to mention, Patrick has a deep-rooted passion within him to go against every and all systems out there, so he’d want to be there right away if the school Fucked Up because that’s his daughter they’re talking about (but he’d also try to get Spencer to come every time because it’d be important to Spencer as well to be there, right?)

Who cried the most at graduation? - To be honest they probably spent 20 minutes just all three of them crying into the best family hug in the history of all family hugs

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Patrick, because he INVENTED trouble with the law, NAH omg hopefully neither

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Spencer! Patrick can cook well enough to keep himself alive, but Spencer is basically a CHEF at this point and well, it’s his thing :3

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Maybe Sammy? Patrick isn’t picky in the slightest, he’s very likely to eat something he doesn’t like either (at the end of the day he always be “everything’s better than trench food, so”) and Spencer doesn’t seem very picky? So if anybody had to pick that title, it’d probably be some child-pickiness

Who does the grocery shopping? - Who happens to! Depends on schedules and such, but I also believe that Spencer is more likely to, also because he’s the cook so Patrick would be constantly calling him anyway

How often do they bake desserts? - Any time Spencer would feel like it >:)

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Well, Spencer is a vegetarian so there’s that, Patrick definitely enjoys meat

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - SPENCER! Although, it depends, are we talking a dinner out or a dinner in, although it’s a dinner in either way right, SO SPENCER! Because he cooks. Patrick would surprise him with something else.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - PATRICK! But he means... OUT out, as in out into nature, on a field, for a picnic, or to star-gaze, he’s more likely too because if he can’t breathe fresh air at least once a day, he withers away (like a dog, yknow)

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - NEITHER! 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - BOTH!

Who is really against chores? - NEITHER! I can see it being rather relaxing for both of them, just getting things done around the house

Who cleans up after the pets? - WHOEVER HAPPENS TO!

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - APPLE! Lmao

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - SPENCER! Because Patrick is just gonna boot them out if he doesn’t like them, he’s a master at skillfully kicking people out of places, but also because he’s taken to trying to be calm during situations like these so that Spencer can rely on him, so even if he WAS stressed, he’d probably get over it

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - SAMMY! It’s her Treasure

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - SPENCER! For the sole reason that Patrick’s showers are fast as lightning lmao and he doesn’t take baths

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - THEY DON’T OWN A DOG!

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - THEY DON’T MISS A SINGLE ONE EXCEPT FOR THANKSGIVINGS PATRICK DOESN’T PARTICIPATE IN THAT ONE LMAO

What are their goals for the relationship? - EVERYTHING THEY GOT RIGHT NOW TBH

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - NEITHER! Both seem pretty early risers

Who plays the most pranks? - PATRICK! I’m kidding IT’S APPLE

[kiribaku-some-cute-stuff]

Sero Week Day 1

@sero-week

Older Sero / Embarrassed

The Legend of DKFSTA

(posted on WST cuz I couldn’t wait on mine)

Disclaimer: 

This Fic is trash—beautiful trash which I adore and would die for—but trash nonetheless. This fic has not been beta’d in any way, shape or form. Expect type-os, punctuation abnormalities, continuity issues and possible/probable OOC issues. At the end of this fic I will give you the template in order to play this dumb game. (it’s the same one I posted last night.)

Also, I was going to add reaction images but they were breaking up the story so I left ‘em out, if you want the reaction image version hit me up and I shall post it. 

Anyway you guys have been warned lol rated T Word Count: 4.4k    

Read it on Ao3

“I’m sorry this game is called what now?” Sero asked incredulously as he joined Mina, Momo, Jirou, Tooru, Uraraka and Tsu in common room. He agreed to join in on their collective sleepover for no other reason than to make sure certain “individuals” (one individual if we’re being honest) wouldn’t mess with them. However, the girls decided to sweeten the deal by promising to watch one of Sero’s favorite movies. It was kind of a guilty pleasure movie, so the offer was pretty appealing. And well  look it may seem like a small thing but… the kid was a little lonely lately, and he was sure that this would be the one thing to cheer him up! Right?

Wrong.  

What he would soon discover, was that there was a catch. Of course there was. Poor Sero… This is the tale of how he got dragged into playing the insidious game he would ever be cursed to participate in.  

“I told you it’s called D-K-F-S-T-A.” Mina rolled her eyes

“That is not the name you used at all.” Sero said pointedly

“Well, whatever. Look it’s fun I promise.” Mina’s demonic like grin suggested that this game in particular was anything but fun.

“Mina, I love you, but your definition of “fun” is far different from others���.”

“He’s got a point.” Jirou said in a bored tone, “Although, I gotta admit the game is kind of fun. In a very dumb way. Unless you’re too chicken.”

“Are you trying to pull a me right now?” Ser asked, “I’ve done this enough times to Bakugou to know what you’re doing. But hell I don’t see the harm if you it’s alright...”

“SERIOUSLY?!” Mina screeched, “I’ve been your bestie since year one and you trust Jirou’s opinion over mine?!?!???”

“Mina.” Sero eyes locked onto hers, “Do me a favor and, think back to last week when you and Kaminari thought it would be fun to—

Mina put her hand over Sero’s mouth,“Ok-OK! Fair point! We don’t need to talk about that.”

Momo, Jirou, Uraraka, Tsu and Tooru all gave the two of them the most terrified glance. They sort of  wanted to know what Sero was going to say but at the same time… they didn’t want to know. So they just left it at that, and hopefully the actual event was not as insane as what they were imaging, but knowing the meme queens...

“Alright fine, whatever so like how to I play this? Is it like MKF?” Sero’s eyes widened when all of the girls groaned at the same time.

“Why the hell didn’t we just play it like that!?” Tooru yelled

Uraraka face palmed, “That would have saved so much time.”

“Because it’s not as scientific that way!” exclaimed Mina

“Oh yes, because the ancient method of Mash is much more “scientifically accurate.” Jirou said complete with air quotes as Momo chuckled beside her.

“Scientifically accurate?” Sero asked.

“It determines your soulmate DUH, same as MASH, but you know better.” said Mina.

“Right…”

“This is too silly I’m going to bed, night guys.” Tsu said going to sleep for the night. Everyone wished her a good night and Sero wanting this to be over so they could just watch the dang movie already. He again picked his favorite guilty pleasure movie—a romantic comedy—what? He’s allowed to like ‘em jeez! Half the damned reason he agreed to this was because a) he knew he wouldn’t be judged and b) he wanted someone to watch it with him and this was the perfect place! Oh well, this game can’t take that long right?

“Okay, guys seriously? Just tell me how to play.”

“You got it my Office Supply Guy!” Mina beamed as Sero shook his head, “So here is how you play. You give me a list of 10 people you like as platonically ONLY. Then you give me a list of another 10 people but this time it’s people you find hot—or well: attractive, aesthetically pleasing and/or who you would hypothetically/potentially would want to date. Then, you give me 2 sets of numbers 1-10, then a set of 6 numbers in random order from 1-10.”

Sero was trying very, very hard not to laugh, this sounded fucking ridiculous, “Oh, is that all?”

Jirou smirked as Tooru, Uraraka and Momo stifled their giggles

“You guys—just come on okay? I’ve been trying to get the guys to play this but Kirishima knows better, Bakugou would never and Kaminari doesn’t have the attention span for it.”

“Mina. I barely have the attention span for this, so what am I supposed to do again? List 10 friends or whatever? Also wait what do you mean Kirishima knows better, cuz I’m not gonna lie that is more than mildly concerning.”

“Duh, Kirishima and I went to the same middle school, remember?! We all got bored and played it there all the time.” said Mina “But to answer your other question yeah, give me 10 people you aren’t attracted to.”

“Okay easy: You, Kaminari, Bakugou, Kirishima—

“Noooo you can’t put Bakugou and Kirishima on the same list.”

“What? Why?”

“Because they’re dating! You match up people in the first set you name with the second—trust me it’ll all be clear when we start.”

“Mina, none of this is clear, you do realize that, right??” Sero said feeling like his eyes were ready to roll out of their sockets

“In Mina’s defense it does make more sense as you play.” Uraraka smirked. See that should have been the first sign that something was wrong with this game. Uraraka never smirked, and if he were being honest… it was the most terrifying thing he’d ever seen.

Sero sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, “okay fine, so leave them off?”

“Or you put one on this list and the other one on the, people you wouldn’t mind dating list.”

“Or the ‘hotties list’ as she called it when we she made me play it.” Jirou rolled her eyes.

“Right, okay so my list of friends who I do not want to date take two: You, Kaminari, Jirou—”

“Ouch, me I get but you’re putting Jirou on the platonic list?”

Sero went red, “I—I don’t mean I don’t think Jirou’s unattractive I just—Jirou and I fist bump, I feel like once you’re in the fist bump zone that means you’re buddies for life and that’s kind of it and I—”

“Mina, can you stop torturing him?” Momo asked.

“Yeah, otherwise we’ll never get to the actual game and then no movie.” Jirou yelled in Sero’s defense, “No worries Sero, I feel exactly the same way.” Jirou fist bumped him in solidarity, besides she’s ashamed to admit it but she was pretty excited to see who Sero would be matched up with in the end.

“Okay. Fiiiiiiiine. So Sero on your first list you have: me, Kaminari, Jirou and you need 7 more people.

“Seven… right, uh…Tokoyami, Tetsutetsu… um… shit this is hard!”

“Right?!” Tooru squeaked, “It’s actually really hard to list all of these people! Oh but yeah you can totally list us under the friends list.”

Sero blushed, “Well… like what if I dunno I’ve had a crush or two on some of you—from like first year.”

“Oooooh who?!”

“Uraraka and Momo…”

Momo and Uraraka blushed, “Aw Sero!” Mina squealed.

Sero, realized he should have trusted his instincts. This insidious “game” was a trap. “H-heh, so okay how many more people do you need?” look into editing

“Well, let’s see, we have you—

“What? I didn’t list myself.”

“Yeah, I listed you—MASH rules the host can add one person to each list—now shush. You have listed: You, Me, Kaminari, Jirou, Tokoyami, Tetsutetsu. Great! Four more to go!”

“Tooru, Uhhhh… Oh! Camie, Inasa, and Shinsou! Done.”

“With the first list you are, and aww I’m glad you and Shinsou are friends! I feel badly that he didn’t get moved up to the Hero class sooner.”

“Yeah me too he’s a really great guy, and wait I gotta do the same thing in the other list?”

“Yep! So if you would please list of the people you could potentially see yourself being with, and/or you find cute.”

“Aw Jeez, what is this the most complicated game known to man?” Sero said exasperated AF, “Fine. But Mina? I’m giving you this list once and only once and if you miss somebody then that’s your fault and you have to fill in the damn gap.”

“Ok, ok, I got it… go!”

“Uhhhhh, ok, Momo, Kendou, Uraraka, Iida, Shouji, Ojiro, Awase, Shindou, and um… um. N-Natsuo?”

“Natsuo… as in Todoroki’s older brother?”

“Yeah, I mean, I guess? I mean he’s pretty cute, and I’m running out of people to name.”

“He’s four years older!”

“Again, you said people I thought were cute! He’s cute it totally counts! I’m not saying I’m gonna jump his bones or anything! Anyway, that’s ten right?”

“Nope that’s nine but since you choose a slightly older Todoroki, I am putting our Todoroki.”

“Y-You can’t do that.”

“Oooooh yes I can and I am.”

“Fine, I change those last two, to um—um…”

“Nope, no take backs and you took way too long on the friends list, this is the list of hotties you are stuck with.” Mina gave a mock innocent smile

“You’re only freaking out about it because you have to deal with Todoroki being on the list.” said Jirou struggling to hold back a laugh

“And the only reason he only put Natsuo on because it’s safer option.” Momo said coyly, “ You chose him because it means you wouldn’t have to say Shouto.”

Sero went red, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“That you like him… a lot” Uraraka chirped

“I do not. I mean yeah we’re friends, just friends.”

“Mhmm… sure.” Tooru laughed

“You guuuuuys!”

“Seroooo!”

“Ugh, sure whatever you say can we just finish the stupid game? Random numbers?”

“Yep 10 random numbers 1-10 2x plus 6 random numbers 1-10” Mina clicked her pen a couple of times and Sero rolled his eyes for probably the umpteenth million time during this dumb game and spouted out numbers. What the actual fuck had he been thinking when he agreed to this shit?

“Alright! Now we can start!” Mina squealed with glee, “So here’s what’s going on, the first two number sequences you gave me? Well, they match up to names on either of the two lists. So I’m going to give you two names aaaaaand you’re going to tell me if you’d think they’d be a good couple or not.”

Sero blinked, “What?”

“Sero, you’re not a dumb guy, stop acting like it. Okay, you for example got paired up with oooooh Shouji.”

“I’m going to say this again. What?”

“So your name was first on the friends list, and when you gave me the list of 10 numbers you said the number 2 first. That effectively gave you the number 2 and on the other list, you named Shouji fifth but in the number sequence you said the number 2 fifth. Hence you getting paired with Shouji. So now I’m going to give you couples based on number matches and lol you’re going to tell me if you think they’d be a cute couple or not, and I record your answer as yes or no.”

“Okay, I suppose that makes sense… so what the fuck does D-K-F-S-T-A stand for.” Sero filled with dread the likes of which he had never felt before, When Mina answered. “Oh that, heh you’ll see.”

Sero swallowed hard, “O-Okay?”

“Great, so do you see you and Shouji together?”

Sero did not miss the fact that they were all silently laughing at his misery, he also didn’t miss that he was going to have a fun time explaining all of his answers, “Yes…”

“Oh my god I knew it.” Tooru squealed

Sero groaned, “He’s a nice guy okay?!”

“Right and kissing him during truth or dare last month has nothing to do with it?” Jirou playfully punched his arm.

“Sh-Shut up Jirou! Unless you want me to pull out some receipts on all of you.”

“Fair enough.”

“Ok, ok next, oh oh wow lol nope,” Mina laughed.

“What?”

“Me and Ojiro.”

“Oh, definitely not, Ojiro deserves better.”

“HEY!”

The room burst out in fits of giggles.

“Kaminari and Iida.”

“Huh, yeah kinda—wait actually nope, def not. They get along super well and I love both of them a lot but I feel like they’d be missing chemistry?”

“Oh same,” said Ochako.

“Right?” said Sero

Mina wanted to get to the “good” part of the game so she interrupted, “Jirou and HA! Natsuo.”

Before Jirou could even open her mouth Sero said “No. I didn’t realize it was gonna be like this, you guys were right he’s way too old.”

“Not old enough for you to have a semi crush on him.” Jirou smirked

“No, that’s Todoroki Shouto you’re thinking of.” Momo giggled

“Would you guys shut up about that? Look okay yes, I’ve stayed over at his house a couple of times and yes—”

Mina’s widened in shock “He let you stay at his house?!”

“Well uh—yeah when his dad’s not home. Listen remember during our last break? My parents got the dates all mixed up, and they were out of the country. I was just gonna stay at the UA dorms but Endeavor was on a mission in Osaka and Todoroki insisted I come home with him. Natsuo and Fuyumi are really nice, I actually owe them my weight’s worth in grocery money for sure but they wouldn’t let me pay for anything. So—why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Oh nothing” Momo smiled oh-not-so-innocently

“Absolutely Nothing.” Jirou shrugged her shoulders

“Not a thing.” Uraraka said her hand propping up her chin in mock contemplation.

“Nothing at all.” Tooru hummed

Mina didn’t care about subtlety and just plunged in, “So... you’re like sure there’s nothing going on with you and Todoroki?”

“Is this seriously what we’re going to be talking about the whole night?” Sero said desperately trying to calm himself down to rid his cheeks of the epic blush that was currently decorating his face.

“Depends, when you uh stayed over at his place… did you guys sleep in his room?”

Sero opened his mouth to offer some sort of a response but his words died before they could reach his lips. He instantly made a tight lipped smile and refused to look at any of them.

“OH MY GOD!”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“Honestly Sero, you are hopeless.” Mina shook her head, “Okay, Tooru and Kendou.”

“No, not really, you guys don’t talk enough.”

“Yeah that’s fair.” Tooru yawned in agreement, “Aw man... guys I hate to tap out early but I’m exhausted, pleeeeease you have to tell me how this ends.”

“Oh you know it girl, sweet dreams!”

They all wished Tooru good night which luckily let Sero have enough time to collect himself for the next onslaught of questions. He thought he was prepared, he thought it must be close to finishing right? He could do this… well that’s what he thought before he heard Mina cackle.

“Oh god who with who” Sero dreaded asking.

“Tokoyami and Uraraka.”

Everyone cracked up at that because well no matter who Uraraka ended up with, unless it was with Midoriya it was gonna be a no (and the boy wasn’t even listed).

“Lol nope, she has eyes for only one person on this earth.”

“Sh-Shut up!”

“Oooooh ok, I see, so it’s okay to humiliate me, but not you.”

“Well duh I’m not the one playing the game.”

“Yeah well—

“Sero stop arguing with Uraraka, the faster we get through this the faster we can—Oh My God,” Mina struggled to keep a straight face, “Shinsou and Shindou.”

Everyone cackled, and admitted to himself internally that maybe this game wasn’t that bad.

“You know what? Weirdly enough, I kinda see it. If only for the reason that Shinsou wouldn’t let that smug good looking asshole get away with shit.”

“You do realize you and Shindou kinda look alike,”  Momo offered.

“No we don’t?”

“You kinda do though,” said Jirou.

“We do not, what drugs are you all taking?”

“We aren’t on drugs, you guys do look a little alike and It’s not a bad thing.” Ochako chimed in.

“I’m aware, he’s nice looking, but I mean we don’t.”

“Sero…” Mina for the first time that night gave him a soft look.

“What?”

“We know why you’re saying that, you’re good looking!”

“I’m fine looking.”

“Sero.”

“Moving on please.”

“Ugh fine, oh! Camie and Momo!”

“Awwww, that would be kind of adorable.”

“She is pretty…” Momo sighed wistfully

“You know I could set something up, right?” said Sero

“No no! That’s okay!”

“You sure?”

“I could set you up with Todoroki,” Momo countered.

“We room next to each other so like lol if that were ever to become a thing, which it won’t. I swear I’m a big boy, I’m more than capable to do it on my own.”

“Yes, because you’re so good at telling someone you like them,” said Jirou.

“You know what Jirou? Those who live in glass houses…” He gave her a pointed look causing her to mutter some choice insult phrases Sero’s way.

“Moving on,” Mina hastily smoothed over, “Oh! Inasa and Todoroki.”

“Yeah I can see it heh,” Sero shrugged, “considering they dated for a bit this summer.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, they like had a lot of fun and like I-I dunno they kept trying to make it work and it was really hard though... because of the distance. But yeah like yeah they were a thing, I think they ended it for good but I don't know...” Sero shrugged, "I'm pretty sure Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima were supposed to meet up with Inasa tonight, maybe Camie too. They might get back together, and like that would be nice..."

“Oh Sero…”

“Why are you “Oh Sero-ing” me? They make each other happy, plus it’s not like I have a stake in this.”

“Sero, it’s okay you can admit you like him, who are we going to tell?” Momo asked gently placing her hand on his back. Sero couldn’t look at her so he just responded with, “He’s my friend. How many times do I have to say that? Of course I like him, but like just as a friend. I didn’t put him on the other list you guys did, anyway...” The girls gave him a look but Sero gave them his winning smile, “who is next in this crazy game or is that it?”

“Alright…” Mina hesitated, wanting so very desperately to make sure Sero was okay. Yeah they messed with each other a lot but Sero was family to her… but the boy was stubborn as hell so she just moved forward. “Okay! Oh god! Satou and Awase!”

“LOL nope. They’d like run out of things to talk about in 5 minutes or less, so is that it?”

“No! Now, we get to the really fun part.”

“The really fun part? Oh hell, the fuck is “the fun part.””

“Yup give me 6 random numbers 1-10.”

“Mina, you totally made this game up.”

“I DID NOT! You can ask Kirishima!! I swear! We played this in middle school all the time!!!”

“What hell dimension did you guys go to middle school???”

“Oh just come on!!! You’re taking forever!”

“Because you keep talking!”

“This is ridiculous,” said Momo, “Give me the notebook Mina I’ll do it from here.”

“Oh good idea he’ll answer you without a fuss.”

“I’m not making a fuss!”

“Kinda are.”

Sero rolled his eyes and gave the random numbers to Momo, “Ok what do I need to do now?”

“Answers these honestly AND you have to explain your answer.”

“O-Okay?”

“Would you date Ojiro?”

“No, I mean he’s awesome but… it’s just… I know he has a crush on someone else and it would feel really weird if I went in there and asked him out. Like it just seems very inconsiderate and like… you know why bother asking a friend you know isn’t into you out? It will just wreck the friendship, and yeah, like who wants that, you know?”

There was a collective aw from all of the girls and Ochako reached out for Sero’s hand, “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about feelings you may or may not have for someone?”

Sero sighed, “I appreciate your attempt at ambiguity Uraraka, but um, lol yeah we’re not going there, because there are only so many times I can tell you all he’s just a friend without taping you all to the ceiling.”

“Okay would you kiss...” Momo blinked before continuing. “Oh me!”

“I would.” Sero smiled and kissed Momo on the cheek.

Momo giggled, “Aw shucks Sero.”

He snorted, “Never say that again.”

“Yeah I regretted it the instant I said it, thank you for the kiss.” She playfully shoved his shoulder with his.

“Oh anytime lol.”

“Okay would you go to First Base with Natsuo.”

Sero’s eyes bugged out of his skull, “Nooooo. DEAR GOD NO! Like you guys said he’s like 4 years older! AND I DIDN’T  REALIZE IT WAS GONNA BE LIKE THIS!!!”

“Right well, now you know for next time.”

“What makes you think I’m ever playing this stupid game ever again?”

“Because it’s ridiculous, it’s fun, and again it will determine your soulmate!" Mina said in a sing-songy tone, "Now. Would you go to second base with Awase.”

Sero went pale as a sheet, looked away and mumbled out his answer.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said… w-well, since it’s already happened I guess I gotta say yes.” Sero rubbed the back of his neck

“I’m so sorry, what?!?!!!?” They collectively screeched

“Uh. Details. Now. When the heck did this happen?!?!?!!!” Jirou demanded

"Ugh, ok... so... remember that time we had training with 2-b last trimester? The one off campus? We had that party? Awase and I got matched up for seven minutes in heaven and like neither of us had really kissed someone with tongue before… So like yeah we um started kissing and um then… u-um well... like we progressed to um making out and it was n-nice.” Sero swallowed hard, “And OK SURE maybe we got a little carried away in the moment—but like!!! IT WAS ONLY THAT LIKE ONE TIME AND NOTHING HAPPENED WE JUST MADE OUT and had somewanderinghands BUT NOTHING BELOW THE BELT!!!”

“OH MY GOD HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD US THIS BEFORE?!”

“WELL YOU WERE AT THE PARTY!!!”

“Oh my god this makes so much sense now, you looked like a rumpled mess. Did you guys ever try dating after?” Momo pressed.

“W-we might have made out a couple more times, but that was it. There was kind of no romantic feels there, as much as I wanted there to be then I could have just moved on from–”

“From?” asked Jirou.

“Nothing, no one, it doesn’t matter. Next question?”

“Would you go to Third with HA omfg Shindou.”

“Well for one, ew no. You guys said he looks like me and I can’t ever unsee that and it’s so weird to think about now. And two, he is much of an asshole as he is amazing to look at, absolutely not. Can you imagine? He’d allude it to everyone anyway. Not say it outright because you know “his image™.”

“Oh god what a nightmare yeah, besides he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Awwwwwww Mina, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“IT IS NOT I’VE SAID PLENTY OF NICE THINGS TO YOU IN THE PAST.”

“Uh-huh after you’re done torturing me that is.”

Mina gaped at him like he’d just slapped her, “RUDE.”

“Okay Sero, last one.” Momo laughed and then her eyes widened, “Oh my god. Okay just know that I did not do this on purpose. This is actually just who you got.”

“O...kay?”

“Would you go all the way with Todoroki?”

“Wh-what?”

“Would you–

Sero blinked, and interrupted, “No, I’m not answering that. There is no right answer for that. If I say no, you’re going to say I’m in denial or some bullshit.”

“You are totally in denial,” said Mina.

Sero glared, at Mina before sighing, “And if I give you my logical answer, you’re gonna make a big deal out of it and I’d rather not do this. It’s–look can we just pretend that like I said whatever you want me to say and we can move onto the movie or something?”

“But after you finish this one then we calculate your “soulmate”, with you know science.” Jirou smiled

“Right. Science. Weren’t you the one to point out how BS this concept of “MASH science” is?”

“Well yeah but this is the last one and like we don’t mean to actually bother you about this.”

“Aw yeah, come on Sero, we promise we won’t make this into a big deal. Besides it’s not fun to poke fun if you’re not actually having fun ya know?” Mina gave a very OVER enthusiastic grin, which melted Sero’s misgivings

“Oh alright.” He took in a deep breath, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Hypothetically? I would–hypothetically–b-because we’re friends and I know he wouldn’t laugh at me, or make me feel more self conscious than I already am. And that yeah, it would be awkward as hell, and sure it would be ridiculous, but it would be like nice? I don’t know, I just trust him, and I think if hypothetically we would do that… then like it would maybe even be fun? Or… I don’t know I just can’t really see even saying yes to anyone but him...” When he looked up he saw the girls’ mouths gaping, and he instantly looked away completely missing the girls’ waving and signaling for him to STOP.

“I-It like wouldn’t be weird I guess? Again, like I trust him and I-I dunno. I just think going all the way with Todoroki would feel natural instead of… terrifying ya know? And--”

Finally Mina screeched, “HI TODOROKI HOW’RE YOU DOING?!”

Everyone went completely still as Sero turned around with a breakneck speed only to see that Todoroki was not in fact out with Kirishima, Bakugou, Camie and Inasa. He was instead, standing right behind him looking pretty bewildered slapped across his face. All that could be heard next was Sero softly uttering, “o-oh fuck.”