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starshine-hockey-girl · 7 months ago

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Cold As Ice - The Interview

Here my fic for the May AU event for the HRPF fandom. As usual I am late getting it done. Apparently, I am physically incapable of writing a short blurb.

This a mafia AU. @pattiemac1 and I have created this AU together over the last two/three years. We add to it then take things away constantly. She graciously allowed me to insert my characters of Lex and Teddy (from Journey to the Emerald City) into the world.

This is a little glimpse into the world of a Sidney Crosby led mafia family and Teddy/Lex became a part of it. I don't think it needs much warning other than language and some implied violence. As usual fluff abounds between my two little cupcakes.

I will put a link at the bottom for anyone interested about Teddy/Lex in their world.

Word count - 7.1K words

@hrpffandomeventblog @cellythefloshie @fallinallincurls @penstxgal1968

SUMMER 2021 - DALLAS, TEXAS

Jamie “Lex” Oleksiak yawned as drove down the expressway toward home. It had been a rough night at the club. Three guys had called off and so he was forced to work at the front door. Between the oppressive heat and steady wave of SMU sorority girls shooting their shot with him, he was more than ready to get home. He mentally pictured the refrigerator and recalled at least two bottles of cold beer that he would be drinking soon.

His cell phone rang and he glanced at the notification on his console screen. “Of course Seggy would call at 3 AM,” he thought to himself. He answered the call at the last moment. “Hey Seggy,” he said, “What’s up?”

Tyler Seguin held his cell phone to his ear and unbuttoned his shirt. “You are a tough guy to track down, Big Rig,” the brunette laughed, “I had to call three different guys to get your number. It’s like you dropped off the face of the planet.You still in Dallas?”

“Yeah, still in here in Big D,” he muttered, feeling stung by the word still. It was not his plan to still be in Dallas. No, he had planned to return to Toronto with this tail tucked between his legs years ago. But life got in the way and his career began in security. He had almost saved enough to make the move back with a little dignity when he was struck by a thunderbolt. A thunderbolt named Theodora “Teddy” Baxter.

Ironically, they met the last time that he had been forced to work the front door at the club. The moment she looked up with those bright blue eyes and megawatt smile as she handed over her ID, he was hooked. For reasons still unknown to him, she had agreed later that night to go on date with him. They had been inseparable ever since and any plans to move back to Toronto went out the window. His heart was firmly planted in Dallas. Well, anywhere she was.

“What’s keeping you there?” Seggy questioned, “I thought you would have moved onto greener pastures by now. I know I did.”

“It’s complicated,” Lex answered vaguely.

Seggy got quiet for a moment and debated whether to push the issue. Big Rig was not known to be an open book and he needed him to have an open mind. “I got ya. Life’s like that sometimes,” he commented casually, “Listen, you still doing security work? That’s the word on the street.”

“Depends on who is asking,” Lex answered coolly. Other than his parents, he had not admitted to any of his Toronto friends that his professional hockey career had been a bust.

“It’s me asking - it’s me,” Seggy answered. He had picked up on the tone in Big Rig’s voice. They shared in a desire to not let word of their career failure reach Canada. They had that much in common.

“And why are you asking?” Lex asked warily.

“Because I have a lead on a job and I think that you would be a good fit.” he said bluntly. Tyler tried to mask the desperation in his voice.

The last guy that was brought into the crew turned out to be an utter disaster. Claude Giroux had been recommended to the crew by Flower and didn’t take long to discover that he wasn’t going to last long. His gruff demeanor ruffled the sensitive egos of the rag tag crew. The last straw was when he openly defied The Boss. It was so bad that HE delivered the permanent pink slip to the back of Giroux’s head himself.

“Tell me more,” Lex asked.

Tyler explained that the job would be head of security for the CEO for Maritime Industries. When Lex didn't respond immediately, Tyler read from his phone. “Planning and implementing comprehensive security strategies, controlling the security operations budget, monitoring expenses,” he rattled on.

“Seggy, are you reading that off your phone?” Lex interrupted.

“Ummmm, no” Seggy stammered.

“Don't bullshit me. What's the job?” Lex asked.

“It’s a crew in Pittsburgh- mainly strip clubs and a few night clubs,” Seggy sighed, “and a few extracurricular activities.” Tyler tried to downplay the extent of the organization until he got a sense of how comfortable Lex would be with the ethically gray area.

“Seggy…..we are not 21 any more,” Lex asserted, “I’m too old to go back to that petty ass shit.”

“Big Rig, would you believe me if I told you that Sid is planning on going legit?” Tyler pleaded, “We really need a guy like you.”

“Sid?” Lex questioned, “Like Sid Crosby? That guy runs all of Pennsylvania and half of NYC. Holy shit - Seggy how did you end up on that crew.”

“Long story, but let’s just say that my hockey skills finally paid off,” Tyler smiled, “Seriously, he is going legit soon. The pay is good and there are bennys.”

“How good is the pay?” Lex quizzed.

“Let’s just say that my family isn’t questioning my “hockey” career anymore,” he replied.

“Shit - that good?” Lex muttered as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. He looked up and saw the light on his living room. Teddy was waiting for him. Teddy who had never gotten so much as a parking ticket, much less arrested. “No,” he thought to himself, “I can’t bring her into that life.” He sighed, “Sorry, Seggy. I can’t.”

“Why?” Tyler whined. Sid wasn’t too happy that he was having to handle the day to day security operations and you know what they say, that shit ran down hill to Tyler. He needed to get someone to replace Giroux. He needed that someone right now.

“Sorry, Segs - I gotta girl now. I don’t want to mess it up,” Lex said softly.

“You’re turning down this dream job over a girl? Are you crazy?” Tyler scoffed.

“Yeah, I am crazy,” Lex sighed, “I just can’t risk losing her.”

“I gotta meet this girl,” Tyler pushed before he decided that a softer touch was required, “I get it. Not really, but I get it. Why don’t you take a night and think about it. I can hold off Sid for that long.”

“I doubt I will change my mind, Seggy,” Lex countered, “She is the real deal.”

Lex hung up the phone and walked up to his apartment. He set his things down as he walked past the cramped kitchen. It was really just a glorified studio, but Teddy had done her best to make it homey. She had even started a new series on her YouTube channel - DIY Dollar Tree home decor.

As if by unknown force, Teddy began to rouse when she felt Lex’s presence in the room. She had fallen asleep with her laptop open while editing videos. “Lex?” she yawned as she stirred, “Is it that time?”

He walked over to her and moved her laptop to the table before scooping her into his lap. “Yeah,” he kissed her cheek as she curled her body into his chest. “How was work?” he questioned.

Since the “Great Escape”, Teddy had taken two jobs to replace the income from her father’s real estate firm. Even with that, the duo struggled to make ends meet. She had grown up with every luxury known to man and gave it all up two months ago to be with him after her father had issued the ultimatum. She had to pick between her family and her love. She made the choice in an instant and never looked back. Now she was waitressing at the best steakhouse in town at night and nannying for Stars goalie Ben Bishop during the day. She operated on fumes but never once complained.

“Work was good. I had a private party so the tip was great, even the company was horrible,” she smiled. Lex furrowed his brow while she continued “Paige came in and was well, you know, Paige,” she sighed, “Thank God for automatic gratuity. She might have stiffed me otherwise.” Lex studied her face and could see her desperately trying to keep the facade up but he could see the pain behind her eyes. Paige had been her childhood best friend but had turned her back on Teddy when she chose him after her family’s ultimatum.

“Foz,” he said gently as he caressed her face. She smiled at the nickname he had given on their first date. It had started out as “Fozzy Wozzy Bear had red hair”, but had shortened over time to just Foz.

She shook her head to protest and shake the negative thoughts that were beginning to swirl in her brain. “No, Lex - it’s fine,” she lied, “She’s not important and I am glad that I could see her true colors finally.” She had seen the true colors of most of her childhood friends as one by one they dropped her. “It’s funny,” she thought to herself, “None of them had anything to say as they ignored the obvious signs that Chaz was beating me. But let me fall in love with a good, decent man who works hard and all of a sudden they are all concerned about my well-being.” The bitterness rose up inside of her.

Her mind raced for a distraction. “I have a surprise for you!’ she jumped up and his eyes followed her. She came back with a to-go bag from the restaurant. He pulled out the box and opened it. Inside was a huge tomahawk steak with all the trimmings. He looked up to see her beaming smile, “They said it was overcooked because they wanted it super rare, but it’s cooked just like you like it, so I snagged it.”

She moved to the side of him as he ate off of his lap. They enjoyed the moment in quiet contentment as Lex’s mind raced. “How long?” he asked himself, “How long can I ask her to make these sacrifices? How long before she runs back to the easy life. The life I can’t give her.”

His thoughts were interrupted with her voice, “Spill it, Jamieson.” She only used his full name when she was completely serious.

“An old friend called with a job offer,” he started. Her face lit up immediately. “But it’s in Pittsburgh,” he interjected, expecting her face to drop. It did not. “And it’s not necessarily completely above board.” Again, he expected her expression to change, but it was bright and hopeful. “I told them no,” he said finally. “Why?” she questioned.

“I can’t leave you,” he answered.

“Then take me,” she replied as if it was the obvious answer.

“You would go? You would go to Pittsburgh? But Dallas is your home,” he said in disbelief.

“My home is with you, Love,” she kissed his cheek.

“And it doesn't bother you that there may be some shady shit?” he prodded.

“There is shady shit going on everywhere, even the corporate world. There is a reason my father has a security detail. You don’t become a billionaire without doing some shady shit and making a few enemies along the way. What's the difference? The real question is would you take the job if I weren’t a factor?”

“I would at least go have the conversation,” he answered,

“Then go have the conversation,” she kissed his cheek.

Lex picked up the phone and dialed Seguin. He only spoke three words when Tyler answered, “Set it up.” Then he hung and focused on Teddy, “Tell me about Paige. What did she do this time? Do I need to go pay her a visit” He tickled her sides and nipped at her neck. “I can be your enforcer, Foz. Just say the word.”

TWO DAYS LATER

“Foz” Lex asked as she adjusted his tie on the private plane Crosby had sent for them, “Where did you find this suit? I am not buying the Goodwill story.” The odds have her randomly finding a tailored suit that fit his almost six eight frame was slim to none.

“I acquired it. That's all you need to know,” she grinned.

Lex opened the suit jacket and saw the label with the words “Custom made for RTB”. He looked up at her in surprise. “Is this your dad's suit? Did you steal a suit from your dad?” Their height was about the only thing he had in common with the stubborn, prideful man.

“Steal is such a harsh word,” she answered as she brushed imaginary lint off of his chest. He looked at her with one eyebrow raised,”it's an old suit. It was languishing in the back of his closet. I am pretty sure he wore it to my confirmation. We are giving it new life.”

“You stole it, Foz,” he teased.

“Well, think of me as modern day Robin Hood,” she teased as she pulled on his tie to kiss him, “And you can be me Maid Marian.”

His eyebrows furrowed in sign of disapproval. “What? You would look good as Maid Marian,” she protested before continuing, “I simply tested the supposedly top notch security system at my parent's house. I was doing them a service actually. They should be thanking me that I only took a suit as payment. It could have been worse.”

“Put it back once we get home,” he chided.

“Fine, but Lex, I don’t think you are going to be up for the level of shady shit working for Sid Crosby is going to require if you can’t accept one re-acquisitioned suit from my father,” she playfully pouted.

“I am the only criminal in this relationship. You are the virtuous one with the heart of gold, got it?” he said. He cracked a smile, but the message was clear - leave the shady shit to him.

“Got it,” as she adjusted his tie, “Now let’s go knock him dead.”

Maritime Manor - Sidney Crosby Compound - Fox Chapel, Pennsylvania

Lex stood at the large picture window for a moment. He examined what he could see of the extensive grounds. The lawn was well manicured with each of the smaller cottages on the compound sharing a large common area. Just beyond the cottages was a wooded area that extended to what looked like a river or creek bed. He mentally checked for sight lines and frowned at the results.

He turned around and examined the large office that had been created from two small guest rooms. At the far end, a large conference table sat covered with stacks of money. From what he could quickly estimate, it was easily $20K in stacks with a pile left to be sorted. He walked closer to the table. The pile was probably another 50K left to be sorted from collected protection money from the weekend.

Outside the office, he heard the jovial sounds of the crew chirping each other. Suddenly they got quiet. He turned to face the door. The chatter had turned seriously and he heard the sound of the front door open. He then heard the sound of Sid’s distinct Nova Scotian accent, “Who is she?”

Then he heard the accented voice of Andre Burakovsky, “She’s with the big guy. He’s waiting for you in the office.” Lex’s body tensed up and he faced the door.

Seggy piped in, “You left him in the office? Alone?”

“That’s not good?” the Swede questioned Seggy as they walked past him. Sid’s silence sent the resounding message that it was indeed, no good. Lex heard footsteps that approached the door. He resumed his position by the picture window, but turned when Sid and Seggy walked in the room.

Sid did a quick visual assessment as he walked in. His lips pursed when he saw the stacks of money in the open. When his eyes landed on the gun left out in the open, he shook his head, “Burky, Burky, Burky.”

After a quick one shoulder hug and pat on the back, Tyler moved to make the introductions. “Sid, this is Jamie Oleksiak aka Big Rig,” he began, “We go back a long way. Big Rig, this is Sid Crosby. He runs this crew.”

“I am sure that he knows who I am, Seggy,” Sid interjected as he shook hands with Lex, “You can leave us alone now.” Tyler’s head went back and forth as the two stood in an extended handshake.

“Sure, Sid,” Tyler said through the tension that radiated off of the two men sizing each other up. “I’m just going to go head over to the clubs and deal with that bouncer issue.”

Lex noted the hand strength in the shorter man as Tyler left. He also noted the slight flair in his nostrils and tense jaw. On the surface, Sid appeared calm and neutral. He crossed in front of Lex to walk to his desk. He made a quick turn while pulling out his gun. He was met by a gun pointed between his temple as Lex quickly removed his gun from his hand. Time stood still as the two men stared each other down. The beating of each other’s heart pounded in their ears. It was then that Sid noticed the gun pointed at his head was one of his own. His eyes shifted and he saw the hidden gun safe ajar.

Sid said neutrally, “So what’s your plan of action here, Big Rig?”

“Well, I would say my plan of action is to find out if you are as big of an idiot as your crew,” Lex said equally as cool, “Also I would say that we are in the process of sizing each other up. I think I have the upper hand literally and figuratively.”

“I think that you have proven your point,” Sid took a step back without breaking eye contact, “You have found some vulnerabilities that need to be addressed. Care to sit down and discuss the job now like professionals?” Lex nodded and Sid carefully walked behind his desk.

“Hands on the desk,” Lex ordered as he kept the gun pointed at Sid.

“Come on, Big Rig,” Sid smiled, “I said like professionals. Besides, do you think I am going to kill you with your girl sitting in the next room?”

Lex’s eyes squinted slightly but his expression did not change. He shrugged and said, “It’s a possibility, but that’s assuming that you get me before I get you, which is not going to happen.”

“Fair enough,” Sid conceded, “You got the job by the way if you want it. Want to hear the details?” Lex nodded his head yes. Impressed with Sid’s direct approach. “Then put the damn gun down,” Sid instructed. Lex lowered his weapon, but kept the gun in his hand. “First, tell me the other vulnerabilities you saw.”

“I don’t work for free,” Lex replied, “Tell me about the job and compensation. I will discuss it with Teddy. Then I will give you a breakdown of your slip-shod security.”

Sid sat back and smiled, “You don’t bullshit. I like that.”

“I find that it makes life simpler,” Lex responded.

“Alright, here is a breakdown of the job. You are head of security for all business locations as well as the compound. You have complete discretion in terms of staffing and resources that you need. My only non-negotiables are Seggy and Burky. They may need some fine tuning, but I trust them,” Sid explained, “Compensation includes salary, housing and benefits.”

“What’s the salary?” Lex quizzed.

“Name your price,” Sid answered without hesitation. Lex balked and Sid continued, “Look, I have a good gut instinct about you. You have already proven that you will stand your ground and you are not a yes man. That’s what I need.”

“I gotta talk it over with my lady,” Lex answered slowly, “Tell me about the crew.”

Outside in the great room, Teddy’s legs bounced up and down on the gray leather sofa as she played with the bracelet on her wrist. She moved her fingers from stone to stone. Burky watched from the side of the room and ran his fingers through his hair before bringing his thumb to his mouth. He slowly chewed his fingernail while contemplating his next move. He knew had screwed up letting the Big Bird or whatever his name was into the office. He had been distracted by the red head when she entered the room wearing a navy blue sheath dress that hugged her curves. Women had always been his weakness.

Sid would come down hard on his stupidity if he didnt come with a plan to make up for it. “What were you thinking, dumbass?” he chastised himself. Suddenly he saw a glint that caught his eye. He focused on the origin of it and smiled widely. He knew what he needed to do.

“Excuse me” he asked brightly and exaggerated his Swedish accent slightly, “What did you say your name was?

Teddy looked over at him warily, “Teddy.” She wasn’t in the mood to make small talk. She was a bundle of nerves as the reality of the situation sank in. This could be her future - a future outside of Texas. It was a move that would hammer the final nail in the coffin of her relationship with her parents.

“Ahhh, Teddy is a man's name, correct?” he questioned “Your parents wanted a boy and not a girl?”

“Wow,” she said as her eyebrow raised slightly, “You get right to the point…..”

“Andre,” he grinned, “They call me Burky.” He studied her body language as he decided on his approach. “You look thirsty. We can go get a drink in the kitchen.” he said sweetly.

She studied his face for a moment. He seemed friendly enough, much friendlier than she thought a part of Sid Crosby’s crew should be. It couldn’t hurt to make conversation and learn a little bit more about the job from his perspective, she told herself.

“Do you have coffee?” she smiled back, “I would love some.” She willingly followed along as he led them into the spacious kitchen. They made small talk as they made their coffees. They reached over each other as they put their cream and sweeteners in their mugs. He spoke of his move from Sweden to the states to pursue a hockey career. Like Lex and Seggy, his professional career had been a bust. In his case, multiple injuries stymied his playing time and eventually earned him the label of “fragile”. Teddy remained tight lipped when Burky pressed her information about Lex and his history.

It was only after they returned to the living room that Teddy felt like something was off. She dismissed the feeling as she looked at the closed door. “So Sid?” Teddy asked casually, “He's a good boss?”

Burky's head popped up, “Oh, he's great. He took me in off the street.”

Suddenly, Teddy realized what was wrong. Her right wrist was bare. The wrist that normally held a diamond tennis bracelet. It had been a sweet sixteen gift from her dead sister, Frankie. She looked down in the chair to see if it had slipped off there. It was nowhere to be seen. She distinctly remembered touching it earlier. She retraced her steps mentally and then kicked herself figuratively.

“So Andy?” she asked pointedly.

“Andre,” he corrected.

“Andre,” she smiled, “What do you do for Sid? I assume that you have some sort of specific role.”

Burky blinked slowly, unsure where the conversation was leading. He didn't want to bring any attention to his skill set. “Oh, I do all kinds of things.” he answered casually.

“Things like stealing bracelets from house guests?” Teddy leveled her gaze at the Swede.

“Bracelet?” he smiled, “What bracelet?”

“The one you took,” she answered calmly.

“I didn't take a bracelet,” he replied in the same manner.

“We're going this route?” Teddy got up and walked toward him with a sense of purpose, “Give me the bracelet- no harm, no foul.”

“There is no harm, no foul because I don't have the bracelet. I don’t know what you are talking about,” he stood his ground.”

“Come on Burky, this could get really ugly or you can simply hand it back to me,” Teddy attempted to speak as sweetly as possible. When he didn’t respond, she felt the anger rise up in her. “Look, you have three seconds before I scream,” her voice rose slightly, “What do you think HE is going to do when he hears it? Do you think he is going to stop to ask you questions? If you are lucky, I will be able to explain the situation before he assumes something far worse. No, when I tell him that you took the bracelet, he will just turn you upside down and shake you down. Have you ever been shaken down by a Big Rig? I would just give it back to me and save yourself the pain, but you do you booboo”.

In the office, Sid was mid-story when Lex held up his hand. Sid stopped talking and they listened.

“Let's be reasonable,” Burky cajoled.

She stepped closer and yelled, “Give it back.”

“or you will tell your giant, badass big bird of a boyfriend,” he scoffed, “For the last time, I didn’t take your damn….”

He was interrupted as Teddy grabbed his hand and twisted his arm behind his back. Then she pushed her foot to the back of his knee, bringing him down to his knees. “Give it back to me,” she screamed as she twisted his arm tighter.

“Foz, everything okay out there,” Lex called as he rose to his feet.

“Yeah sure,” Teddy answered breezily as she pressed harder.

Burky heard the movement and assessed the situation. “It seemed like a good idea at the time,” he thought to himself as the pain began to shoot up his arm. He began to realize that his initial plan of stealing the bracelet to get back in Sid’s good graces had not been thought through to completion. One, he thought she wouldn’t notice, or at least until they left. Two, he forgot about the big guy. Three, it was a stupid ass plan altogether.

“Alright, alright, alright,” he whined, “You have to get off of me.” She stood up slowly and adjusted her dress. Burky placed his forehead on the floor and took a deep breath in an effort to compose himself. Then he jumped up and smiled brightly. “Congratulations, Teddy,” he said with false bravado. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the five carat tennis bracelet. He placed it into his palm and presented it to her with great flourish.

It was that moment that the door opened and duo walked into the room.

“What’s going on?” Lex asked bruskly.

Teddy tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“We heard a ruckus,” Sid answered.

Teddy and Burky exchanged a look. Teddy studied his face. His eyes implored her silently. She considered his misdeed. He tried to pull a fast one on her and failed. It was unlikely he would try it again. She tried to summon anger but he bat his puppy dog eyes at her and she smiled.

“A ruckus?” Burky repeated, “I didn’t hear a ruckus. Did you hear a ruckus, Teddy?”

“No, I didn’t hear anything, Andy,” she responded. She turned to the duo. “Can you describe the ruckus?” she added.

Sid stifled his laughter. He wasn’t sure what exactly was happening, but he knew two things - Burky had screwed up again and Teddy was covering up for him. The Swede was the equivalent of a labrador puppy on his crew. He was simultaneously entertaining and endearing with his antics. However, he frequently left messes all over that required someone to clean it up.

Lex pressed the issue slightly, “I am pretty sure I heard your voice, Teddy.“

Teddy smiled, “Oh that! My bracelet fell off. Andy here helped me find it. Didn’t you Andy?”

Andre bit his tongue. He wanted to correct her but she was doing him a solid so he let it slide. “Yes, that must have been what you heard. Poor Teddy was quite flummoxed. You should really get that clasp checked. It’s very weak in my opinion.

Lex looked back and forth between the two. He was sure of one thing- something happened and Teddy would not tell him in front of Sid. Since she seemed to have the “situation” under control, he let it slide.

“Are you almost done with your chat?” Teddy asked, desperate to end the stand-off.

Sid smiled, “We’re just about done. Burky, take Teddy down to see the River cottage.” She tilted her head in confusion and he continued, “The job does come with either a housing allowance and/or use of one of the cottages on the compound. Why don’t you go take a look at it and see it will fit your needs?”

“Oh, that sounds like a fabulous idea,” she smiled.

She held out her arm to signal Burky to lead the way. They were about ten yards outside the house before he spoke. “Why did you cover for me?” he asked.

“Snitches get stitches,” she answered quickly.

“Not here,” he retorted immediately. She gave him a side eye. “Sid has very few rules, but rule number one is that there is no violence towards women or children. They're off limits.”

Teddy nodded her head in understanding, “So why did you steal my bracelet then?”

“Temporary insanity?” he laughed. When she did not return the laugh, he added, “I wanted to remind Sid that he needs me around for my special set of skills.”

“Didn’t think that one one through, huh?” Teddy paused

“Yeah,” he sighed, “I am not the brains of the crew obviously..”

Teddy elbowed him, “Don’t worry Big Rig is smart enough for the both of you.” They stepped inside of the cozy three bedroom cottage. Teddy walked around from room to room and tried to keep her composure. It was a far cry from their cramped studio apartment. Mentally she started decorating it with their existing furniture. When she found the back door that led to a deck overlooking the Alleghany river, she was sold.

Outside the cottage, Sid approached Burky with Lex. “Where’s Teddy?” Lex asked. Burky nodded his head to indicate that she was inside. They walked in and found her peacefully enjoying the view. She turned as she sensed their presence even though her eyes were closed. Sid’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“Are you all done?” she asked brightly.

Sid smiled, “I think that I may have him convinced to join the crew. I think that my only obstacle is you. Will the cottage work?” He was smart enough to know who the real decision maker would be.

Teddy glanced at her boyfriend then back to the river. She folded her arms across her chest. Then she replied with a smile, “The cottage is more than adequate.” Then she turned to Lex and asked, “Can you give Mr. Crosby and me a moment? I do have some questions for him.”

His eyebrows shot up and he tilted his head, “Teddy, are you sure you want me to leave?”

‘Yes, it won’t take long. You should check out the shower to make sure that you fit,” she suggested. When he left, Sid and Teddy stood in silence for a moment.

“Mr. Crosby,” she began, “Are there any of the other guys on the crew that have a wife or girlfriend?”

“No, you are the first,” he answered, “Truthfully, I thought you were going to be a dealbreaker for me when I saw you in the living room. Turns out that I was wrong.”

“How so?” she inquired.

“You are much tougher than you appear,” he answered, “How hard did you take down Burky?”

Teddy’s mouth dropped before she smiled, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Come on, you can tell me,” he encouraged, “What did he do?”

“Promise me that he won’t be punished?” she asked point blank. Sid held up his fingers in a “Scouts Honor” gesture. She nodded in understanding.

“Apparently in a fit of desperation, he lifted my bracelet from my wrist,” she answered. Sid immediately frowned and his jaw tensed. “Hey, he is part of your crew. You can’t be surprised.” Teddy walked towards the edge of the deck before turning back to face him. “Seriously, he didn’t think it through but there was no harm and no foul,” she said as she held out her bracelet.

“Back to my question,” he quizzed.

“I took him down hard enough to get my message through,” she stared at him defiantly, “he won’t try it again - at least not with me.”

Sid smiled, “You way tougher than I thought you were.”

“I used to not be tough, but Lex taught me,” she said out loud, “He turned me from a sheltered rich girl into someone with street smarts.”

“I’d love to hear how that happened,” he replied.

“Story for another time,” she sighed. She steeled herself. Then she blurted out, “Mr. Crosby, what kind of business is this? I am not naive enough to believe that this is a completely legitimate operation, but I need to know just how far across the line will this job take Jamie?” She was careful to use his proper name.

“Wow, you've got nerves of steel to ask me that,” Sid balked.

For a moment, Teddy doubted herself but she pushed through it, “Lex,” she stopped herself, “I mean Jamie is more than capable to do whatever this job requires. I know that he has had to make ethically gray choices in the past.” She paused and considered shutting up but her protective nature spurred her on. “But he is a man of honor. He is not mean or malicious. I don’t want him to be in a position where he would have to compromise his principles and character.” She took a deep breath, “I don't want to lose the man I love to a world of darkness.”

Sid studied her for a moment. If there had been any doubt left about Oleksiak, she had removed it. Anyone who could inspire such gumption and loyalty was a person he wanted on his crew. Finally Sid spoke, “I won’t ask him to do that. I will not lie. We break the law on occasion.” She gave him a side eye. “Okay, we break the law a lot, but we do have a code that we follow.”

“Will he have to hurt people?” she asked brazenly.

“Yes, but nobody gets hurt that doesn’t deserve to be hurt,” he countered.

“And women and children are off limits?” she asked to get confirmation of Burky’s remark.

“They are off limits and anyone who breaks that rule gets hurt,” Sid answered.

“Well, then I think you have answered my questions,” she stated.

“Good,” he smiled, “I’ll send Big Rig in so you can make your decision.”

Once Sid and Burky had left the cottage, Lex came back out to the deck. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and bent down to place his chin on her shoulder. “What are you thinking, Foz?” he asked quietly.

“I am thinking that I want to know how the interview went. Do you like him? Does he like you? What does the job entail?” she leaned her body weight back and turned her head to face him. He took her hand and led her to the chaise lounge. He removed his jacket and got comfortable. Then he pulled her on top of his massive body.

“Well, after the guns were put away, it went well,” he started.

“Guns? What the hell, Lex!” she shouted.

He smiled, “We sized each other up so to speak”

“And?” she asked.

“And there is a reason that he is Sidney Fucking Crosby and runs all of Pennsylvania and half of NYC. He’s smart, shrewd and has balls of steel,” he answered. She rested her head on his chest as he went on to explain the job. She could hear the excitement in his voice. She could also hear how he was trying to tamper it down. He knew that she would allow his excitement to cloud her judgment and she knew that he knew it.

“So did he offer you the job?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he tried to answer casually.

“What’s the hold up then?” she joked.

“The money,” he answered. He continued when she squinted in confusion, “He said that I can name my price. Foz, I have no idea on what to ask for. This job is so far out of my league. I just don’t know.” His voice trailed off.

“Hey,” she interjected, “This is not out of your league. He basically offered you a job on the spot for a reason. Don’t doubt yourself, Jamieson.”

“Okay boss,” he tickled her side.

Suddenly an idea hit and she dug out her phone. She started texting Steve, the former Secret Service agent, who headed her father’s security team.

Teddy gulped when she read the last line.

“What?” Lex asked as his eyes filled with tears.

She handed the phone to Lex who read over the messages. “Daddio never changed the code,” she whispered, “so I could go back if I needed to.”

“Foz,” he whispered, “If you want to stay in Dallas, we can stay in Dallas. I’ll find a way to make more money.”

Her eyes flashed up at him, “You know I don’t give a shit about the money. It’s never been about the money.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his face. “Listen to me Jamieson Oleksiak. I chose you. I chose you and I will choose you over and over again,” she spoke urgently. “This is a fresh start for us and we’re not going to throw it away for a possibility,” she said firmly, “They made their choice and nothing in those texts changes that.”

“But Foz, they’re your family,” he countered.

“No, you are my family. They threw me away when they couldn’t control me” she protested, “Would you throw me away?

He recoiled in horror, “Never.

“It’s you and me forever.” she began reciting the familiar words.

“No matter what” he joined in reciting their motto.

“Whatever it takes,” she finished.

“So we have a decision made?” he smiled.

“Let’s move to Pittsburgh,” she answered.

“Foz, I didn’t even ask about the cottage,” he realized, “Do you like it?”

“It needs a little TLC, but I like it,” she assured him, “Factor in redecorating in your salary request.”

They spent a few more minutes in silence before he nudged them up. After a few minutes to take measurements, they strolled hand in hand back to the main house. Teddy started to find a seat in the living room as Lex went to find Sid. However, he kept a firm grip on her hand. Together they knocked on the door and entered the office together.

“So what’s the verdict?” Sid asked.

“We’re in for the right price,” Lex answered. He took a deep breath, “500K should do it.”

“Okay,” the Canadian crime boss answered without pausing, “When can you start?”

“Wait,” Teddy interjected. Sid turned to her, “And a reno budget for the cottage.”

Sid blinked and then smiled, “Welcome to the family. Let’s go celebrate.”

The crew sat in the private dining of Ciliegia, Sid’s preferred Italian restaurant. The usually all male crew felt invigorated by the presence of a woman. There was a sly game of one-up manship as they vied for Teddy’s attention. It had not taken them long to realize that the key to getting into the new boss’s good graces was getting into HER good graces.

After much prodding from Sid, Teddy finally spilled the beans on Burky’s failed attempt to steal her bracelet.

“I lifted it without you noticing,” Burky protested as he blushed, “At least give me credit for that.”

“Yes, Andy,” she teased, “You did do that. Now what you were going to do with it once you had it, I have no idea.”

“Andre… if you are not going to call me Burky, call me Andre,” he begged.

“Why would I do that, Andy?” Teddy answered, “I think you should be glad that this is the only punishment I am going to dole out.” Lex watched with a bemused smile as the two bantered.

Later, Sid asked the server to send his compliments to the chef for the delicious meal. They were surprised when the fiery redhead walked into the room. She wiped her hands on her apron as she approached Sid at the head of the table. He stared at her, suddenly unable to speak. Startled glances were exchanged among the group before Lex spoke up to pass along the praise. The chef, Lizzie, nodded her head as she listened but her eyes were transfixed on the brunette Canadian. When she stumbled out of the room as she kept her gaze in his direction, Teddy and Lex shared a look.

As they walked out to go their separate ways, Sid nudged Lex, “I am pretty sure I just met my future wife.”

Lex stopped suddenly, “Don’t you think that you should know her name first?”

“I know her name,” Sid corrected, “It’s Mrs. Crosby.”

Lex laughed out loud, “Those redheads, I’ll tell you.” He glanced over at Teddy who was busy exchanging phone numbers, instagrams and snapchats with Seggy and Burky. “They’ll snatch your soul out of your body in an instant and never give it back,” he said with a smile. She turned to him and flashed a smile that melted his heart.

Lex pulled Teddy in a tight hug. “I lied earlier today, Foz” he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

“You did?” she looked up into his eyes, “about what?”

“I said that I am the only criminal in this relationship,” he smiled as he spoke, “That’s not true.”

“I’m a criminal now?” she playfully pouted, “Fine - I’ll get the suit cleaned and returned to Daddio’s closet. No harm, no foul.”

“I’m not talking about that, Foz,” he kissed her forehead.

“Then how am I a criminal?” she poked his rock hard abs.

“You stole my heart, just like a seasoned professional,” he bent down to kiss her gently, “Much better than the Swede.”

“Oh,” she returned his kiss, “In my defense, you stole mine first.”

“Well, I am not giving it back,” he lifted her up to kiss her more deeply.

“Me either,” she wrapped her arms around his neck, “I am yours forever. No takeback and no exchanges.”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” he grinned as he carried her out to their waiting car, “I wouldn’t think of it.”

Chapter One-Trouble with a capital T-https://starshine-hockey-girl.tumblr.com/post/653360134099288064/trouble-with-a-capital-t-magical-mystery

#may au #nhl fic #hockey imagine #hockey rpf #jamie oleksiak x oc #jamie oleksiak x original character #hockey fiction #sidney crosby au #andre burakovsky fic

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jayparked · 5 months ago

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𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉; 𝒿𝒶𝓎𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓀𝑒𝒹

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ basics ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

╰┈➤ name: snail ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ╰┈➤ age: 21 ; ‘03 ; libra ╰┈➤ mbti: infj ╰┈➤ pronouns: she/her ╰┈➤ hobbies: pc collecting, video games, writing, anime, dancing, learning japanese/korean/spanish, yearning ╰┈➤ other socials: tiktok ; twitter ; ao3 ╰┈➤ previous url: jaykespo ╰┈➤ resident nugu bg enthusiast ╰┈➤ despite my yapper persona i'm actually really shy ;--; but i love making friends and talking so feel free to dm me anytime!

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ disclaimersˏˋ°•*⁀➷

╰┈➤ i work a lot so it may take me a while to post written work. pls be patient with me! messages/asks/comments about wips or my work motivates me a lot and helps me write more! ╰┈➤ minors dni. i will block. i don’t just read/write smut so if i interact with your work and you're a minor i apologize. the only reason this would happen is if you don’t have your age easily accessible on your blog. feel free to let me know so i can remove the work from my blog and block ╰┈➤ i view smut writing as a form of creative expression and use idols as character holders. the people i write about are characters and nothing more

╰┈➤ i have dyslexia and aphantasia so there may be errors in my fics. i try really hard to catch them before posting, but it's still a strong possibility that some things can slip through the cracks. so please be kind! ╰┈➤ im a multi stan and have zero tolerance for any anti's or hatred towards other groups ╰┈➤ if i liked your post that means i'm going to read later or add to queue after i dump my thoughts in the tags. i don't like reblogging things without putting some feedback / thoughts ╰┈➤ i make statements like 'love of my life', 'my man', 'he's so sexy' etc. if this makes you uncomfortable please block me ╰┈➤ this is a safe space for me to let out my brainrotting thoughts. at the end of the day i know that these are real people and know that they are not objects. idols dont owe me anything i just think it's fun to delve into the delulu world for a lil bit ╰┈➤ zero tolerance for anyone that is: homophobic, racist, whitewashes, thinks idols owe them anything, is actually delulu or koreaboo, puts down smut writers or fic writers in general, anyone who isnt pro palestine, fetishizers, people who overly baby idols, people who write smut for idols 18 and under ╰┈➤ i might possibly write for other groups in the future, but for now i only write for enhypen. if i do decide to write for other groups i will not be making any sideblogs so all my work can be found in one place ╰┈➤ i generally do not like taking requests but sometimes will open them up for fake texts / headcannons / drabbles. but requests will most likely not open up often. please don't send me requests if they are closed ╰┈➤ i will not write: smut for teenage idols ; idol or highschool aus ╰┈➤ DNI if you read/write/interact with nsfw riki content. this is MY boundary for MY blog and is not up for discussion

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ biases / groups ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

(ot_ = no particular bias in the group. highlighted = ult group / ult member)

╰┈➤ enhypen: jay / riki ╰┈➤ epex: wish ╰┈➤ &team: k / nicholas ╰┈➤ dkb: changmin ╰┈➤ txt: yeonjun / kai ╰┈➤ astro: jinwoo ╰┈➤ (g)i-dle: soyeon ╰┈➤ nct: mark ╰┈➤ boynextdoor: taesan / sungho ╰┈➤ tws: dohoon / jihoon ╰┈➤ riize: wonbin / anton ╰┈➤ pentagon: shinwon / wooseok ╰┈➤ stray kids: seungmin / changbin ╰┈➤ seventeen: dk / minghao / woozi / vernon ╰┈➤ ateez: wooyoung / yunho ╰┈➤ zerobaseone: gyuvin / jiwoong ╰┈➤ gfriend/viviz: umji ╰┈➤ itzy: chaeryeong / ryujin ╰┈➤ all (h)ours: kunho / xayden / masami ╰┈➤ twice: jeongyeon ╰┈➤ the boyz: younghoon / eric ╰┈➤ kiss of life: haneul ╰┈➤ ikon: ot7 ╰┈➤ monsta x: ot7 ╰┈➤ omega x: ot11 ╰┈➤ whib: ot8 ╰┈➤ younite: ot8 ╰┈➤ cix: ot5 ╰┈➤ sf9: ot8 ╰┈➤ ive: ot6

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ tagsˏˋ°•*⁀➷

╰┈➤ my heavenly: heeseung ╰┈➤ my heart: jay ╰┈➤ my muse: jake ╰┈➤ my thought: sunghoon ╰┈➤ my comfort: sunoo ╰┈➤ my peace: jungwon ╰┈➤ my star: riki ╰┈➤ my happiness: ot7 ╰┈➤ my wolf: k ╰┈➤ my blob: nicholas ╰┈➤ my wonder: taesan ╰┈➤ my moon: e-chan ╰┈➤ my wish: wish ╰┈➤ my chaos: yeonjun ╰┈➤ my sweet: kai ╰┈➤ my brogyu: beomgyu ╰┈➤ my light: jinwoo ╰┈➤ my dewdrop: mark

╰┈➤ smoots: snail + moots ╰┈➤ snail talk: random thoughts/rambling ╰┈➤ snail mail: asks ╰┈➤ queuerdx: queue ╰┈➤ my soulmate: lia @sungbeams

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ kpop concert list ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

╰┈➤ bts 09.06.2018 ╰┈➤ ateez + hightouch 03.15.2019 ╰┈➤ pentagon + hightouch 07.10.2019 ╰┈➤ tiffany young 10.28.2019 ╰┈➤ eric nam 03.07.2020 ╰┈➤ bts 10.10.2020 ╰┈➤ epik high 04.06.2023 ╰┈➤ enhypen 04.28.2024

#about snail

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moonpoolcat · 7 months ago

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♢Hello whoever you are that has fallen into my cave of an account. I don't do much.

Slow posting I can't draw every single day of the week. I wish I could. Please understand that I can sometimes not post for a while and it may look like I'm inactive but I'm not. ♢Extra: I do have an IRL job, drawing is a hobby after all.

♢What to expect: Realism- lots of realism. If I can draw it, I can make it real. Do not be surprised if I am absent for a long time an suddenly post out of nowhere. Art trades?: Yes! I'll do trades long as it's not anything controversial, don't be scared to ask I don't bite.

♢This is a personal one please by all means do not take my words to heart. I can be overly blunt an brutally honest. I don't mean any harm, if you feel like I was too harsh please let me know.

⚠️Content warning 🔞 You can look at it or ignore it. I am NOT your parents. I'm not responsible to monitor your activity here. You can easily block my account an be on your way. The following is a list of said content expression of anatomy exposure of skin explicit themes or suggestive poses. Gore is also included as it will be a heavy theme in some posts. look at your own discretion so i'm just gonna dump a bunch a tags you can use.

For my ask box I actually do take suggestive requests! Again please tag them correctly and do not send anything that has been controversial or associated with anything that might get my ass canceled over the internet. #tw gore, #cw suggestive, #tw suggestive #tw body horror #cw gore,# cw body horror,

Other fandoms of interests

♢ Anything anthro ♢ Cult of the lamb ♢ Mlp ♢ Warrior cats ♢ Wof ♢ Welcome home ♢ Any fandom I can obsess over an get my hands on What I do allow I have seen the abyss of twitter so I am putting this here now. ♢Interaction art between ocs ♢Memes ♢Fanart ♢SFW ships ♢Shit posts ♢Literature posts (if you're feeling a little handsy I don't mind fanfiction) DO NOT make it nsfw if you aren't going to tag it correctly! ♢I have no problem with ocs or characters flirting with each other just ask first as a heads up. What I don't allow ♢Spamming of inbox ♢Unconsented shipping: I do not allow unwanted shipping of my characters an ocs- (I know where you are..) even if it is harmless please do not do this without my consent first. ♢Nothing personal but anyone below 18 must refrain from dm me as my safety as well as yours is important. I know some older users allow this however I don't. Do not lie about your age Any miss information may result in you getting blocked. ♢For my younger anxiety induced users this may be an acceptation if not rarely as I understand social interactions is hard. ♢Do anything I will not tolerate bullying, toxic behavior, instigating, gaslighting, or any form of harassment that might hurt others. Failure to do so will result in an instant block. ♢ Spam requesting art of ocs.

Protection of art All extremely art related posts will be watermarked. If you or anyone else spot someone stealing or claiming the art is theirs feel free to report them. My tags that I probably won't remember #rainworld epoch au #rainworld epoch #moonpooldraws #rw oc #my ocs #askmoonpool #rambling moonpool #Moonpoolwrites #young blogs Programs used Firealpaca- that's it. What did you expect?

Epoch Au List of characters (so far) Looks to the Moon (Safe version) No Significant harassment

Scugs Monk LORE! Epoch Moon Backstory (Long version) The unsafe stuff Disturbing the silence Looks to the Moon (Not safe version)

This is a WIP I'll add more later on. Did you make it to the end? Good. Have a nice day ye little gremlins.

#I don't know what I'm doing #superpost

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seastarblue · 3 months ago

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incorrect quotes tag!

thanks @illarian-rambling for the tag here!

Rules: use this incorrect quotes generator to generate some quotes!

Okay! Let’s do Arbor n Friends! (god DAMMIT I NEED TITLES)

and by “Arbor n Friends” I mean “mostly Fiamma and Najma and Rowan and Kamaria

———

Fiamma: Operation no more distractions is a go! *not even 10 seconds later* Fiamma: Oh, look! A butterfly!

(real I fear)

Kamaria: Why are Fiamma and Arbor sitting with their backs to each other? Rowan: They had a fight. Kamaria: Then why are they holding hands? Rowan: They get sad when they fight.

(also real fifi is his KID and he’s a GOOD FATHER)

Najma : When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

(Naj likes knives)

*The gang is about to do something dangerous* Kamaria: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? Najma : Go ahead. Kamaria: Be careful. Kamaria: Don’t die. Arbor: *Holds back a laugh* Najma : Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

(kam is a pessimistic loser and I love him for it)

Kamaria: You have friends and I envy that. Fiamma: You're welcome to share my friends. Kamaria: *looks at Arbor and Rowan* Kamaria: I don't want those.

(the SHADE IM CACKLING)

Kamaria: Yesterday, I watched Fiamma try to eat a decorative rock from Rowan's potted plant. Najma caught them, and told them they can't eat rocks. Fiamma started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away.

(fifi just likes eating stuff ya know)

Najma : I have a bad feeling about this... Fiamma: What do you mean? Najma : Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble? Fiamma: No? Kamaria: That actually explains so much.

(she’s a gremlin she’s a lil troll)

Rowan, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Gadget: But how- Rowan, ignoring them: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

(so funny fact: Rowan is a type of Fae and some of them live to 1000+. Rowan himself is expected to live to about 300. Gadget is Human and humans do not live that long BUT ☝️ she is a Deathless and they defy death occasionally)

Najma : Ladies, gentlemen and Arbor, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld! Fiamma: A llama? Najma : No. Fiamma: A baby llama? Najma : No! Fiamma: A baby llama with a little hat on? Najma : NO!

(Fifi is a llama lover now idc idc)

Rowan: What’s your name cutie pie? Fiamma: I don’t know, I’m like 8 years old.

(Pay me a gazillion dollars and I’ll add this into the story)

Gadget: Fiamma is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! Kamaria: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!

(Make it two gazillion and I’ll add this too)

———

gently tagging: @rumeysawrites , @bardic-tales , @dearunreliablenarrator and open tag!

Gonna gently poke the Tag list (lemme know if you want on/off via DM or ask!):

@sableglass @dioles-writes @astor-and-the-endless-ink

@allaboutmagic

#o(sea’s)#writeblr #sea’s games #sea’s story 2 #this was hecking hilarious

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tredispade · 7 months ago

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i have always wanted to give reno a kid. surely he'd have at least one, right? well, now its a part of his canon. though i don't expect it to crop up suddenly! the fact is just there in the background and adds a touch more drama to his life. below is info on his daughter.

i really should make verse tags for different eras of his life. but oh well. anyway. this is bridgette sinclair. below is a brief bit of info on her

born in 1997 εγλ in midgar (age 10 in 0007)

mother: margret ackerman; former honeybee dancer. now homemaker

father: reno of the turks,all other information restricted

location: midgar sector four upper plate

abilities: cleverness and sass

favorites: dad, playing card games, peanut butter

dislikes: bullies/bigger kids picking on little kids, going too long without seeing dad, broccoli

she doesn't know in detail what reno does for a living. and because of that, she's developed an ideal version of him where he's a secret superhero out saving the world

while his job makes it hard, reno strives to give her the best life he can. he's very involved in her life. stemmed from the fact that his father was never in his life

she is a bit obsessed with her father. she takes after him in almost every facet. from looks to personality. she's just as loud and abrasives as him. but she holds a deeply compassionate heart from her mother

she's a proud little tomboy. loves playing in dirt and mud, and even finds it funny when people mistake her for a boy. however, when she grows older, she does take more interest in more femininely things like make-up and dressing up

she lives a fairly decent life with her mother, stepfather and younger half-sister. her only complaint is that its boring.

a bit about mom & dad

marget , or "peggy" used to be a dancer at the honeybee inn. it wasn't her ideal career, but having grown up poor in the slums and being a rather attractive young woman, and needing quick money. it was a fairly easy choice. though thankfully, she spent most time either dancing or seaming up the other girl's costumes.

she and reno met when they were both 17. just your classic bad boy meeting a lonely dancer looking for a night of mindless sex. however, sometimes no matter how much protection is used, accidents happen

peggy spent a long time debating over getting an abortion or adoption. but she always wanted to start a family of her own. just not in this way. so, determined to keep the child, she confronted reno. ready to fight tooth and nail to get support of of him.

however, reno wasn't going to abandon her or the kid. he would not agree to a forced miserable marriage, but he would support them. initially, he didn't intend to be involved in their lives. but just a faceless supporter. but the moment he saw that sweet baby's face, he couldn't do it. he couldn't do what his father did to him. abandon his child. while he is a terrible person, he's a fairly decent dad.

marget would raise bridgette as a single mother for a few years, with reno coming to visit when he could. or at least calling when he couldn't. he sent her enough money that she no longer had to work at all. then eventually would meet a good man (that may or may not have been heavily vetted by reno first) and get married.

two years later, marget would have another daughter, maria. bridgette adores her little sister, and sees it as her personal duty to protect her.

#; ( headcanon | reno )#; ( guest muse | bridgette )

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tsunael · 8 months ago

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10 characters/10 fandoms/10 tags

Tagged by : @icehearts & @aethergazing Tagging : Girl you think I know 10 people??

1. Bayonetta <- Bayonetta

I just love her, okay. She's gorgeous, she's confident, she's a witch that fights with her hair and can run 80 mph in 5in pumps. Jokes aside, I just love that her sexuality is a thing that she owns and has fun with-- and it's never used against her maliciously. (I also love her parallels to Dante my other fave). I could go on more but basically... she's truly one of a kind.

2. Akihiko Sanada <- Persona 3

My long-time beau. I RP'd him for about 8 years and met a lot of good people through that blog so I'm a little biased in how sentimental I am over him and Mitsuru. I'd add her too but I'm doing my best to be diverse here. Anyway, I just love him-- he fits all of my standards. He represents the Emperor arcana: the 'father' type. He's a control freak, he drags his guilt around by the ankle, is fiercely protective, has a little jealous streak, and is a hot-headed idiot (who is actually very smart)... And DON'T say it's because he has white hair.

3. Garnet <- Final Fantasy IX

The older I get, the more IX means to me. She has been my favorite since I was little. Not to get personal but I find her relatable: she grew up sheltered but was expected to do great things, and I am sympathetic that her mother (once kind and loving, even though we don't see it) was turned against her by forces she couldn't control. She deals with her grief more realistically than most FF heroines-- she gives into depression and self doubt but she never becomes bitter and that's something I want for myself.

4. Yuna <- Final Fantasy X

My grandma and I played all the FFs together, but the one that really made an impression was X. Yuna is my love: thematically, symbolically, and aesthetically. My sacrificial lamb who would burn herself to keep others warm. She takes her notoriety and her father's burden with grace and never shies from it even when she loses her faith in the system designed to throw her to the wolves. Also every line she has has such gravitas behind it... beautiful writing, beautiful voice acting. My forever girl.

5. Nier <- NieR

My doomed boy. I don't want to go into spoilers because Nier is more of a niche game, but I love him so much (and dadnier, too.) The moral quandary this game has... the morally grey protagonists... I love a character who loves with all his heart and would give anything for the people he loves. The side-story where it's implied he even ***** ******* for some coin was... man.

6. Kim <- Xenogears

Trying not to spoil here either it's just vague. IYKYK.

I thought about putting Elhaym here but I feel like the Zeboim era has more characterization than the main lol. Anyway. I love how he has become so cynical about the world around him, yet he is still willing to save and create life, only to find he suffers from the same affliction. As a scientist, he embodies the question: 'What makes a God?' and 'What is does it mean to be human?'. I love his story and I wish there was more.

7. Rubedo Yuriev <- Xenosaga

He's an idiot, he's a tragic figure, he's learned, he's traumatized, and his relationship with MOMO is uhhhhhh complicated. Honestly maybe I should have put Yuriev here because he's such an interesting villain. The URTVs are all squashed together for me like one big delicious smoothie anyway so.

Anyway Rubedo, your dad stared into The Abyss and it stared back and now he's insane and his fear of God and his own mortality was so strong he would use his own flesh and blood to run (and it was honestly really sexy of him) but what he never seems to grasp is that you can't run from what you can't see and sooner or later it will catch up.

8. Misato Katsuragi <- Neon Genesis Evangelion

Hi I love women with daddy issues.

I love her with Kaji. She looks for her father in him, while he's searching for his mother, but Misato, try as she may, she will never be a mother to anyone--not to Kaji, and certainly not to Shinji. There's a ton you can read into nge characters but there's something to be said about the trauma our parents force us (willing or unwillingly) to inherit, and how we hurt others as a result of that.

9. Dante <- Devil May Cry

He's so fucking stupid (affectionate). Dante Alighieri is rolling in his grave.

He's not only a boyloser but a boyfailure. He gets bullied by women and children and could probably suplex the earth. He loves his mom!!!

Anyway I love that he exudes a type of masculinity and machismo at first glance only to play the game and see he's a little fruity. I'm also a sucker for characters with duality themes that, when asked 'what makes us different?', the answer is because they chose to love-- which is not something you'd expect from a hack n slash game, inspired by resident evil in which you find new and exciting ways to kill things... yanno?

10. Kenzo Tenma <- Naoki Urasawa's Monster

I was running out of characters and was about to put Thancred or Squall but that's too many FFs so I tried to think of some anime that made an impression on me and Tenma came to me. We needed another Liam O'Brien rep here, clearly.

Anyway read/watch Monster if you haven't, it's an amazing mature series that barely feels like an anime.

Again, the themes of duality here-- who embraced life and who would rather take it? If Johan represents the inherent evil in the world, and man's propensity for it, then Tenma represents all that is good. He's just so tragic. The moment he finally stands up for himself he's punished for it, then when pushed to his limit, saves the life of a little boy only to be cursed for it. Even through everything he never gives up on people, and every life he touches is changed for the better. And that ending... oh man.

He's babygirl x100.

#tag game #thank you!!#xoxotext #i wrote this through several late nights so it's not very eloquent lmao

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the-pantry-of-art · 10 months ago

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Blogs, resent events, goals & stuff:

17 [ 2007 ]

Main blog on the phone (It's mostly my twaddle blog where I reblog stuff but some of my; mostly traditional; art can be found as well) : @frogkingtheorginal

A sad thing happend lads, I've lost access to my main design blog: @frogcat7 , and my side Survivors-dogs-centered blog: @the-fierce-dog

I will still try to fix the problem and get my blogs back, but for now I'll dump all my designs here as my new main art blog. I won't devide into diffrent blogs this time (at least not till I'l be sure I can't get my blogs back).

Really You can do like whatever with my art, like everything, I don't care, I would actually enjoy seeing people get inspierd by my work, just credit it if You do is es simple as that. Thou I won't execute it, I'l just leave it up to your morality.

I won't rebrog all of my art from the previus blogs here, only the most essential of them, so series I'm planing to continue in the nerest future: Warrior cats from my new poll of designs (where I gotta catch 'em all? XD), Survivor Dogs character designs #1 (Graceful), & an portrait of OS ( Yeah I will continue what I started; I won't leave you guys in the lurch with this, @myzetauniverse, @homovulcanensis u where so nice to me my heart melted. So, he for sure will get even more company then just Winnetou ;)

______________________________________________________________

Inside blog stuff, tags & AU!

(it's mostly the same thing I started here: @frogcatwcbiologyrewrite but I hope that this time I'd menage to do more ;)

If u have notised that my cats are a bit off or uncanon it's 'couse I have created a AU. It's called:

'I took cats from UK to US and called it a day'AU!

(very creative title I know, maby I chane it later)

So, well as the name suggests one of the main things I have cheanged in this rewrite is the fact that unlike in canon my cats does not live in the UK but roughly in southern Oregon and northern California. (thou I have never been ther nor I have ever been to the USA, the flora and fauna info I take from the internet) the territories may be inconsistent with where i set them buuut I just really wanna them to have all thouse wild west plants, animals and the advantages of this countrys wastnes. In my opinion it would really add to the story a lot and make it better :D (at least for me)

Other main changes I made (I will add them here as I come up with new ones):

The Tribe of the Rushing Water now have FIRE! (and thanks to this ability to make some basic tools)

I have the full lore of how they get the fire as well as varius cultural aspects already created, I will post them somday propably, just need sometime to polish it and to draw it (+ more self esteem to post it XD) ps. I'm a fan of the Tribe :D

#rambles #wc #survivor dogs #erin hunter #karl may #old shatterhand

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namelessmewmew · 2 months ago

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Old Art Archive Part 1.

I want to keep this old art on this blog but not retag all the original posts, so going to do what I did for my sideblogs and delete the original posts but reupload them in batches with no tags except an archive tag. This also allows me to (even if I don't have the spoons right now, to add image descriptions to these at a later date).

Original captions under the cut.

I have like over 150 ocs that need refs/redesigns [and many in that 150 that whose design is only in my head] but I only seem to be able to make new characters right now so have this kitty! I have been thinking about tv heads alot lately but also really like kitty robots so kitty Tv Head, [They are also based a bit on a heart rate monitor, they might end up being like a walking heart monitor nurse in a hospital or something, I have alot of medical bots because I think thats cool.]

Felt like trying to give this girl digital colours and starting to figure out how this girl will be personality wise. Likely will have this girl be a graphic designer or an artist in some other regard.

The main form in the center is his preferred form, he is a from a shapeshifting species called Nederians/Nederans [not sure about that] and he is part of a group of Nederians/Nederans that theme themselves after sweets/sweet stuff.

Another guy in the same Group as Mallow [The marshmallow guy I posted earlier]. To clear possible confusion shes a guy. [Lesbians and other w|w using He/Him pronouns and Gay men and other m|m using She/Her pronouns is something that has been part of lgbt culture for quite a while!]

Just your local tired catdude [Been wanting a new icon for a while so here it is].

Vanilla + Strawberry icecream themed guy, Of course another one of the sugar group [want to come up with a better name but not sure what yet].

Orange Flavoured Soda themed guy. They are also a very bubbly dude [Yes literally as well]. I have like 3 more members of the sugar group [still need a better name] to draw some concepts for.

This guy was designed at a completely different time and originally was not meant to be part of the same group [sugar group] but decided to have them be a part of it. Instead on being based on a real food or sweet thing, they are based on a in universe food called Starbites [Either Gum or Lollipops, haven't decided yet, that have starbust in them and are very fizzy]

I am not 100% on its colours [as well their design as a whole] but I just wanted to try to start to figure out how their design may work. It is meant to be different flavours of Gummy bears melted together.

She is meant to be based on chocolate as a whole [white, milk and dark] but She could also work as a Red Velvet or Dark Forest themed character maybe?

Make make them into an oc, though might change their colours as its pretty monotone right now. Just a little gif and test how long it takes to make a simple piece like this with a very simple character design. 45 minutes this is based on a random game note I found on my 3DS.

Decided to change the expression and shade the main pic in her concept sheet because it did take me quite a bit to get it done [started it days ago but went into a very bleh feeling phrase again physically]. Im fairly certain Pup counts as a Sparklewolf? Might redesign their tail and add some more colourful markings idk. Love the way her colours look, its like a sunset [and dawn I think]. If the little faces on the side are confusing [I really cant tell if I properly bring the point across with just the drawings]: Top one is Pups being confused/not understanding something Middle is her not being about to concentrate and think as their are too many sources of noise [ I often have this issue ] Her fidgeting with a pop-it, its a really cool thing and has made going out for groceries something a bit less stressful.

Based on a white [and green and yellow greenish] pumpkins. I very much want to make more of these guys. Yeah I dont have much else to say, uh, I like her markings alot. My brain is veery tired so not many words.

Bunny Tv Head! With antenna ears as I just think making animal ears with tv antennas is cool. The magic electricity legs are also very bouncy [so they are also like springs]. My brain is still very tired so dont have anything of substance to say.

So Xe is a Ghost pony but Xe is also part fire? Idk might add more to this "species" if I can think of anything else. I really like xem colours. Adopted from and was originally by ItzAnnaDraws03 [on deviantart]

Very slight redesign [and first digital] concept for them. Changed her a bit, because despite the fact I think its important to have gnc characters [including gnc transfem characters], there is also important to have well not gnc trans characters. [I dont know if I'm making sense, I guess what I'm saying yes transfem characters liking/being okay with /wanting facial hair is good but the opposite is also important and good]. Love the colours of their outfit, also I really like giving character dangly earrings.

#Nameless Creates #Nameless Archive #Ask To Tag

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magpiejay1234 · 10 months ago

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I will do over Days in a much, much later date now. We'll likely be moving to Tag Force 5.

****

Anyway, back to Days, due to BBS Volume 2 concept trailer, many people assumed Ventus moving away from his Chamber was him becoming Roxas. This is a particular pet horse of Frustrated Jacob, who very unambigiously dislikes the character, and everything he stands for. This is a common trope for KH1-primary fans, or as I like to call them, Genwunners of KH.

However, the game proper has the whole Shadow the Hedgehog style red herring of him being a replica, with the implication of Kairi's memories of Sora being the thing that allows him to leave the Org., so Nomura's original idea was something different, something we don't know, and probably never know, as many plot points in BBS V2 were repurposed in other games, primarily KH3.

So this is seemingly another case of Jacob forcing his interpretation, rather than Nomura's actual intention. Which is fair I guess, we end Xion's death with the whole Asuka hand to cheek pose in EoE, so a decent chunk of Days is meant to be up to interpretation.

Either way, it seems with the The Truth About Naminé thing, the whole ambiguity around Roxas seems to be intended by primarily by Kanemaki who wanted bring back her favourite character Naminé back, and since Xion is basically her OC, she needs to bring back the person she self-shipped herself with. And obviously as an easy out it is, the Replicas of characters without bodies is a consistent way to achieve this.

****

Since game crashed, I cannot say a full verdict about Days's storyline as I cannot get to the post-game stuff, but what I experienced so far up to Day 358 has been quite good, and gave me a similar experience to KH2 FM, despite Days having a more uneven script at parts. I consider the game version to be superior to movie version, due to added context for the rest of Org.

Do I consider this game deserves a remake? Sure.

Would I expect it to be as good? Not with current SE, and Nomura's current priorities (we would need add stuff to tease next game in MoM arc).

Would I expect this game to be remade over Re:Coded? Certainly not. As others noted, Re:Coded has a much better balanced gameplay, though I probably won't prefer it since it doesn't have the sheer power experience of the late-game Days has.

Considering the fandom's current disdain for the platforming, adventuring, and RPG aspects of KH over the character-action-combo gameplay against human bosses, I don't expect a game like Days to be ever made. Western Fandom really, really wants Final Fantasy franchise overall to become Devil May Cry with better writing, and that is nothing but a pure nightmare concept for me, and one that will further degenerate KH's plot structure for centuries.

Would I recommed this game? It will take a really long while you to get full hang of this game, since this game is the anti-Speedrun game due its visual novel structure, but if you are into visual novels over speedrunning action slashers, this game is the Kingdom Hearts game for you. Due to Kanemaki's influence, the story does better justice to the visual novel formula over BBS, and Coded's variants, not to mention there is tons of added context to KH2.

So yes, get a good setup, and play this game, and document every oddity here, since the stuff introduced here are the ones Nomura digs the least through, which means more people will be bamboozled when they come back.

Now we wait for the inevitable Strelitzia game, where you play as the Specter Nobody, playing the events of CoM from Marluxia's perspective. Just like CoM was partially based off SotN mixed with Castle of Illusions the Strelitzia game will be GBA Castlevania games with Soma Cruz mixed with the old DuckTales game.

#ty plays kh 358/2 days #shitposting

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nonmillennialstruggling · 5 years ago

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Update- re: long-term guests

I posted about this situation earlier so that I could post to vent. I didn’t have the heart to blog after I got back from the mountains mid-November. Here is the update. Long post: Sorry I tried to collapse the recap and I don’t know why it isn’t working. Within that text collapse I also tried to collapse the update and within that text collapse I tried another text collapse etc. Each section is described in bold before-hand.

Recap of What I’ve Posted About Already:

Friend, grandma, and dog got evicted towards the end of September. I offered them a place to stay. He took the futon in the living room, grandma took the bed in my room, and I put an air mattress in the front room for myself where I literally had 6 inches between the air mattress and my desk. He was talking about finding a place for October 1st.

I don't see him actually leave the house that last week of September, but I figure he’s just been through a lot he needs a bit longer. I keep checking in with him in and let him know that I have to clear a longer than 30 day stay. It’s apparent that he needs longer, and he starts talking about November first.

I still don’t see him leave the house the first week of October, so I raise the issue to him again. He says he has found a place already actually and that they are getting it ready for him but that he is still looking at other places to have other options. He refers to this place being prepared for him a few additional times. I go away for a week, come back and he says that the place fell through because of the eviction on his record, which showed up on his credit report. This means that when he said the place was ready, he didn't actually have an approved application and lease ready to sign.

I raise the issue of a move out date with him again. He says he has found an extended stay hotel that was affordable and that they are moving out the end of October.

The week before they are to move, he says that his former landlord filled an elder abuse claim against him. Since I've been seeing how he cares for his grandmother I know that the claim was not made in good faith. I say goodnight to his grandma the night before they are to move, and it doesn't seem that she knows she is supposed to leave the next day. Moving day comes and my friend says that his friend who works for "the state" actually suggested that he not move because of the elder abuse investigation and that it would look like he had more stability if he stayed put. He says his friend had access to some notes about his case and that the only negative thing noted so far was that his grandma was not in a medical bed. He asks if he can set it up in the front room for the wellness visit. Wellness visit is supposed to happen next week, the first week of November.

I let them stay longer and know that I will check in after the wellness visit. Hearing that they weren't moving that day though was really really hard for me because at this point I’m really tired of being on the air mattress displaced from my room, in the front room where traffic wakes me up at 5 30, not having solitude, and also having to use white noise to screen out the news that my friend has on 24/7 in the living room. Also, November is a hard month for me and I really wanted my place back to myself for that reason too.

I go away for more travel and when I come back the medical bed is not set up and the wellness visit did not happen. I continue checking in with him about the investigation. I also in this time learn that his friend who works for "the state" works in the prison system and it is really weird to me that she would have any access to notes on his elder abuse case. (I contacted the agency that does the investigation to confirm whether or not someone outside the agency working for the prison could access any case notes- they said no one outside of the agency would have access to their case notes but that local police departments are also contacted and would have records too. The police department says that records from a local police department on an open investigation would not be shared with anyone working in the prison system under no circumstances).

The Update:

I go away to the mountains mid-November. I think it was right before I went, I escaped to my desk downtown and felt very grateful to have it. I wondered what I will do when I have to give it up when the lease ends but then I realize that I’m never sharing my place like this again. I can do one week on an air mattress and one month of someone on the futon. I come back from the mountains and can’t do the air mattress after a few days in an actual bed so I book an Airbnb for the rest of the week, that he did pay for.

He says he will move out the weekend before thankstaking to an extended stay hotel. He talked about moving in with his friend who works for the prison system but says that her mom just went into the hospital. I wish the case were closed before the move (if in fact there is a case). There is an interview scheduled the Thursday before he is to move and I really hope the case is closed because that would be before the move. At this point I am definitely fraying around the edges and recognize that I haven't been in my usual routines and that it has affected my productivity. If he is ok moving, I am ok with it.

I check in with him after the interview on Thursday and ask if he is still intending to move this weekend. If he says he needs more time I plan to offer him more time but ask that he move out either the weekend after the investigation closes or, since investigations can take months, at an agreed upon date, whichever is earlier. I figure one month would be proper notice. And I felt ok about this since he had previously indicated that an extended stay hotel would not be an issue. He says he is still planning to move that week, so I am glad to hear that.

Sat I say goodnight to his grandma and it also doesn't appear that she’s aware that they are moving tomorrow. This of course seems weird to me. He says that his friend who works for "the state" is supposed to help him move tomorrow. He doesn't have a specific time but says he will be in contact with her.

The next day it is 1 pm and she hasn't come yet. I check in with him because I had planned to be available to help with the move and wanted to check in to see if he needed my help or if I should just go downtown to work. (He can't drive because of a suspended license so I wanted to be available to help with driving). He indicates that he should have it covered with his friend and I let him know that if he needs me then he can just text me.

He Asks for More Time:

Here is a text I got from him later that day and following is my response and his response back. Also, I'll just state for context that after the fact I am pretty sure that he didn't have a hotel reservation and hadn't transferred his grandmother’s home health care to a new address (I inferred this from texts that occurs after the exchange I put below):

Him: Hey (Name). The money I planned to use for the extended stay was going to come from monies I let (name) borrow. She doesn't have the money to give to me and most likely won't have it well into December. I've included her here to verify. However, can we work out another agreement where I move my grandmother to the office so you can have your bedroom back? I literally have $106, for what I planned to buy groceries. (Name) has agreed to come over at 10 tomorrow morning to go get her bed, I need to arrange with storage company. I know this isn't what we agreed to but I just don't have the resources at this moment. I hate to be leaning on my friends like this but I truly don't have any options; my brother won't send any money and I'm trying to get my license sorted while the property is being sold. I know getting your bed back and not sleeping on the air mattress is important. I know it's more important to have your space back, yet I'll make things as comfortable as possible until I'm able to figure this out

Nov 24 6:10pm (time stamp)

Me: I can put it on credit and ask that you repay me when (name) is able to re-pay you in mid-December. Before you moved in you had talked about finding a place for October 1st, and then you were searching for November 1st, so I didn't discuss a concrete move out date with you. I was actually really looking forward to having my place back to myself November 1st though because this is a hard month for me. Then of course I wanted you to be able to get the wellness visit behind you (which I thought would happen the first week of November) and figured that we could set a move out date after the visit. Since you said you were moving out today though I didn't have that conversation with you. If money is the issue I'll spot you.

Nov 24 6:12pm (time stamp)

I've loved having you, your grandmother, and (dog's name) stay with me but I am an introvert and need quiet and it has been a much longer visit than I anticipated. While I have loved having you stay with me I have anticipated having my place back to myself November 1st and then today and it is hard for me when that is changed the day off. I'm confused as to why you would say you were moving out today though if you weren't able to confirm with (name) in advance that she could re-pay you. At any rate if money is the issue, honestly I want my place back to myself at this point more than I'm concerned about my credit limit and can lend that to you.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

Him: I completely want to affirm I recognize your need for your space. I've tried my best to stay out of your way. I didn't find out until today that the resources I thought I'd have wouldn't be in place and I immediately notified you. Taking that amount of money from you, after you've opened up your home, wouldn't be helpful for my own mental health. Is it possible to put us out after I'm paid for December? With the research contract and my stipend, I should have enough to pay first/last/deposit for some place. It seems the holiday may not be a time where you want others around, yet it's completely opposite for my grandmother where this'll be the first time without her family and loved ones besides me.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

My Response:

The things that were weird to me about his reply were: 1) that I had just stated what would be best for me and he implied that him staying would be actually be better for me than me helping them with a hotel stay, 2) he asserted their needs as more important than mine rather than equal, and 3) he referred to me putting them out when I was just asking that we follow our plan.

Since I was offering a way to address the barrier that he said he faced I told him I couldn't do longer and that I was offering a way to meet the barrier he said he faced. He tried to push back but I held firm.

He moved himself, his grandmother, and some of their things on Monday. His stuff was all over when I came back Monday night and he hadn't done any cleaning, which was annoying because there was syrup that had spilled and hardened on my bedroom floor and a chewed up rug and things like that that I cleaned up Monday. I thought that "moving" implies taking all your stuff and cleaning afterwards, so I didn't explicitly state that these were my expectations. I don t feel that I should have had to do that though.

He said he was picking the last of his stuff up Wednesday morning, which turned out to be Wednesday night at 10 30. He did some other things that were not cool that I won't go into here.

If I give him the benefit of the doubt, I have to conclude that he is at best clue-less. The other extreme would be seeing him as having an agenda of manipulation. I think he has intentionally lied to me (I mean the thing about his friend seeing the case notes is a blatant lie) but I don't think he has an explicit agenda to be manipulative.

Also, just for the record he is not and has not been in a place of shut down that may explain not planning his move or cleaning up afterwards. And I have encountered another thing that is most likely a lie that I won’t go into here either.

I did raise the issue of what may be a feasible pay back plan because I figured at this point that I really needed to have firm boundaries with him because otherwise he would take advantage. He agreed to it. I also followed up with him on a paper that he said wanted to send out for publication about a month ago that I hadn’t seen a submission confirmation email for yet. He hadn’t submitted it and I’m realizing that I really hate it when I meet agreed upon deadlines in order to keep a project on track where then the next person responsible for the project (who requested my piece be done by a particular date) just drops things. I will never start another or project with him again.

I am also feeling protective of some folks in academia who he may interact with. I think their issues with him would likely be limited to him dropping the ball on projects and/or proposing a lot of projects that he wants to do for prestige more than he wants to do in order to build a meaningful research portfolio. Still, I know at least one person who may be more generous if they think he’s just in a hard position, and I am feeling protective about that.

#long-term house guests #I may add other tags later but don't have the heart to tag more now.

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perfectarmony · 2 years ago

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ep 8 of TCL had multiple scenes with Arman at Thony's house/garden. do you think that was just for convenience or do you think the writers are trying to merge their worlds a bit more? some have noted that he looked out of place there - do you think they are trying to highlight how different Thony and Arman's everyday lives still are (what a diff betw Nadia & Arman's home vs. Thony's, lol) or starting to make it seem more natural for him to be there? obviously, it's much easier to have Arman there when Thony's family is not around. where do you see it going in the next few eps? tx.

Okay, well this is about to get messy anon! 😅

Welcome to this week's episode of ''my two cents on Armony'' I guess??

Disclaimer as always: this is just how I see things - and those things are always clearer in my head 👀

Also, Tumblr apparently hates me, and I had to start this entire thing again from scratch after it failed to save as a draft, so I might come back to add something I forgot later 🙄

Okaaaay, so I finally had time to quickly go through the tag, and I definitely mostly agree with what has been said about that part! so I won't dive too much into it, because others have already said it perfectly!

But there is something I'd like to add though, because I feel like by focusing so much on their scenes, we don't see that a lot more is actually going on.

To try to answer your question, I don't think anything is done for convenience on this show - but what struck me most during this episode wasn't really their scenes, but Thony's - alone in that house.

And all I could think of was this house no longer feels like home

sorry not sorry if that song is now stuck in your head, but that's all I could hear (also, don't take the song, that is about cheating, literally - just make the lyrics that feel relevent fit Thony's pain and let the song guide you 🤧 I am not going to start vidding this song when I have 100 other projects on standby. Nope.)

The director did a magnificent job there. I absolutely loved those quiet, yet powerful scenes where Élodie just shines through the pain and emptiness her character is feeling.

To have to watch her all curled up in Luca's bed or simply sitting on her bed and staring into the void - and then cutting to the noisy, chaotic and happy bubble Fiona and the kids are in...it was just stunningly painful.

Okay, you might wonder where I'm getting at with that, but keep those scenes in mind and let me go back to Arman and Thony.

You're right, the difference between their two houses is stricking. At least it usually is. But not so much this time...if you're willing to look past the money tied to Arman's house.

As gorgeous and fancy as Nadia and Arman's house is - it's just that: a cold and empty house with no soul. I might be influenced by the fact that we only saw that house when they had fights or difficult times, but still - it doesn't feel like a home to me.

And this is just how Thony's house (and heart...) felt during this episode - empty, cold and way too quiet. When Arman first came by, that's all he could hear - the screaming silence, instead of the warmth he may have expected (and maybe hoped) to find there.

Something else to remember: Thony is in this situation because she wanted to help Arman - and this is maybe also partially why he felt so out of place. He knows how much her family - Luca - means to her, and yet, because of that choice, she has to stay away from them. I wish we would see more of it on screen - but we shouldn't forget about the guilt Arman could be feeling for dragging her into this mess. (and yes, she made her own decision, but still.)

Also. Arman had already lost it all - his power, his money, his wife/family. For Thony, her only treasure has always been her family - the only thing that truly mattered, the light she came home to when everything else was dark. But this was the first time she was left with nothing, and no one.

I can hear you - 'but she has Arman.' Yes. And no.

When Arman and Thony were together, they had nothing but each other - and they chose to be alone together. Arman offered to stay, and she didn't even hesitate one second - because he represented safety, comfort, but also, to some extent, family.

She still had to come to terms with the fact that every move she takes to keep her family safe is painting a target on their backs - and that she had to stay away from them to protect them.

And then, she had to push Arman into Nadia's arms in an attempt to keep both their families safe. But in doing so - to some extent (send help. I'm reading way too much into all of this and I'm turning in circles.) - she had to watch Arman get back to his family, and to what she sees as his home. More than that, him being with Nadia meant that he was able to protect her - while she's all by herself, has no control, and has to stay as far as possible from her family to keep them safe.

When he comes back to give her the key card, this is also what Arman feels guilty about - to have to leave her alone while he has someone to go home to - even if it's just a lie.

Am I making any sense? Or am I just inflicting myself more pain unnecessarily by trying to turn my thoughts into words? 🤧

As to where I see things going in the next episodes - careful spoilers incoming in 3.....2......1.......

*************spoilers*************

after reading the synopsis for 2x09, I guess Arman won't have to play pretend much longer....But with everything going on - Bosco (rip), finding a new supplier, Luca getting worse, Thony going to Manila with Kamdar (🤧) I guess there won't be much time any of that. But I might still be over here hoping that they're together when Fiona takes Luca home. I think Chris and Jaz will be staying at JD's while Fi looks over Luca whenever Thony has to be away - so maybe there's a chance we could see him back there. But after that, Luca is at the hospital...so....🤧 Can you all feel the pain coming?!

Okaaaay, thank you for forcing me to verbalize my thoughts anon, and I hope I somewhat answered your questions! ❤️

#the cleaning lady #TCL spoilers #Asks #S02E08

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mineonmain · 2 years ago

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Reveal your Watch and Rewatch List! (BL Edition!!)

Thank you my love @disaster-j for tagging me - This is extremely overdue I know; I had this whole post written out almost 2 weeks ago but then right when I was getting ready to publish this 💖lovely💖 website decided to refresh and my post was lost. I was so mad that I didn't want to re-write it, but here I am anyways.

Currently Watching (I'm extending this to shows that have juuust finished too)

Kinnporsche - It's so fresh in my mind. I have way too many thoughts about this show to put down here, so i'm going to make another post similar to my Not Me Retrospective - all the things that were right and the things that were not. It may not have stuck to the book, and it may not have fully lived up to all the hype and expectations, but it's still unlike any other BL i've seen so far. Gotta commend them for that. Also it's the VegasPete show now, sorry I didn't make the rules. 7/10 (i'm sorry pls don't @me just read my retrospective later)

To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories - talented brilliant incredible amazing show-stopping spectacular...I think she deserves a separate post for herself too. Maybe when i'm not drowning under the guilt of not working on my Dissertation. There wasn't too much angst, the ending wasn't rushed, it was honestly perfect. Imperfect can be perfect too, you know. 11/10

Old Fashion Cupcake - I had low expectations for this so it kind of blew me out of the water. Great acting, incredible chemistry, and that scene in Ep 4 lives rent free in my brain. It's amazing how they (mostly) managed to tell a story in just 5 episodes and still have it feel complete and not unnecessarily rushed. A teensy bit of beef with how the finale went, but there's always something isn't there. 8.5/10

My Secret Love - Pretty mid, like the standard GMMTV sort of fare, featuring My-ponytail-is-my-personality-trait Boy, Walmart Saint Suppapong, Why RU's too-many-couples disease, mildly problematic behavior and a thin excuse of a plot. Still, it's nice to get something banal and light-hearted after all the weekend angst of KP and TMS. The latest ep was surprisingly better and less superficial than all the others so far.

Star and Sky: Sky in my Heart - The sequel to JoongDunk's Star in my Mind, this is typical lighthearted GMMTV stuff ft. P'Mek and debut actor Mark. A series of mini-series' where new couples get to flex their acting muscles a bit and test out their chemistry on the screen. I don't have much to say except it's soft and cute, nothing too groundbreaking.

Looking Forward To

Never Let Me Go (PondPhuwin)

Between Us (BounPrem)

My Only 12% (SantaEarth)

Remember Me (maybe??) (JaFirst)

Happy Ending Outside the Fence

Love in the Air (maybe??)

War of Y (maybe??) (BillySeng and more)

Moonlight Chicken (EarthMix)

Blueming S2 (let's freaking GO)

Rewatch

So. I'm not in the middle of rewatching anything at the moment, frankly I do Not have the time for full rewatches, but when I get in the mood I tend to rewatch specific moments from certain shows instead of full rewatches:

Bad Buddy Ep 5 4/4

Bad Buddy Ep 11

Literally anything from BBS who am I kidding

ATOTS Ep 6 3/4

ATOTS Ep 10 4/4

UWMA EP 2 4/4

Why RU FighterTutor Cut

LBC AePete Cut

WBL Ep 5

WBL 2

Utsukushii Kare Ep 5-6

Semantic Error

Mr. Heart

Light On Me (esp Ep 13)

Tharntype Ep 6/Ep 12

UWMA WinTeam Cut

Blueming Ep 9/Ep 11

TMS 2 Ep 4/Ep 10

OFC Ep 4

Love Is Science? MarkOuwen Cut

2gether Ep 6 3/4-4/4

My Tasty Florida

(Can you guys smell a theme hmmm I wonder🤔) Y'all I'm so sorry about this gotdamn list. It ran away from me. RIP. If anyone actually goes thru this, veterans discount for you. I could probably add more if I stopped to think more but that's where i'm gonna stop for now.

Tagging (I don't rly have friends but): @elevatormusic @whatisgodtoanonbeliever @incandescentflower @liyazaki @onstoryladders @strutforlove @billlkin @7nessasaryevils @excessivelyobssesed @milkpansa @johnnysuhsbathtowel @rythyme @piningbisexuals @ablazenqueen

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randomshyperson · 4 years ago

Text

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Sorry for your loss - Part II "I will try"

Serie Masterlist here || Part I || Read on AO3

Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.

Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction pining, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, domestic Wanda, hurtful behaviors.

Tag list: @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia / @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch

//-//

Chapter II - I will try

You hate waking up.

Because your bed is empty on the right side.

Grumbling slightly, you push the covers away from your body and get up, running your hand over your face.

It is therapy day.

After brushing your teeth and putting on a sweatshirt that smells like fabric softener, you walked downstairs.

"Good morning, honey." Your mother greeted you as soon as you entered the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hands. You mumbled the greeting back, walking over to the cabinets. She let out a disgruntled exclamation when she saw you take out a box of cereal. "As much as I think it's great that you're eating again, why don't you try something healthier today? I'm getting worried about the amount of sugar you're taking in these last few days."

You rolled your eyes, but obeyed as you put the package back in the cupboard. Ever since you regained your appetite, your meals, especially in the morning, consist of sweet things. Bread, cereals, and even chocolate. You were eating again, but the chance of diabetes was very high.

"Do you need a ride?" Your mother asks a moment later, when you are already sitting at the table, pouring yourself some orange juice.

"Agatha thinks I should try the subway."

"And what do you think?"

You laughed humorlessly.

"That's a new one." You retorted without taking your eyes off the newspaper in front of you. "Someone asking what I think."

Your mother sighs.

"Don't be like that." She says and then rises to kiss your forehead, the car keys in her hand. "Call me if you need anything."

You bite your tongue, stopping yourself from whispering the words "I need my wife," because you didn't want to cry over coffee.

After eating, you looked around. You hated empty houses. So you hurried to get your wallet and left after locking the door.

//-//

With headphones, the subway was not so scary.

The music on the latest volume muffled the ambient noises very well. And even with a fast heartbeat, you managed to walk correctly, and keep your breathing under control until you reached the city downtown.

You walked from the station toward the building where the therapy was taking place, humming softly the music you were listening to.

Startled slightly when someone touched your shoulder, you turned, only to see Bucky standing beside you, smiling gently. You took off your headphones, moving away from his touch, he didn't seem to notice.

"I called you a few times, but I don't think you heard me under the headsets." He commented amiably. "I think we came from the same subway."

"Okay." You said simply, not knowing what to add to this conversation. Bucky smiled however, and you started walking side by side.

"You know, if we arrange the time, we could come here together next time" He says and you frown slightly. "I wish I had someone to laugh at my comments about the man in the cowboy hat who hangs out at the Sixth Avenue station." He jokes and you force a smile, trying to think of how to decline the invitation. But then you remember how Agatha insisted that you make new friends, and you are letting the words of agreement escape your mouth. "Really? I'm glad you like the idea then. We can meet in any of the first stations and come the rest of the way together."

"That'll be great." You mutter to the man who smiles contentedly.

When you arrive, Bucky waves to a few people and says he will say hello, so you walk into the gym alone.

You try not to feel so nervous about your first session with a therapy partner.

//-//

Stephen is almost late. He apologizes to everyone even though he didn't, saying that he had a minor conflict in traffic. You were already sitting in the circle, waiting for the meeting to start, when the other people came in and sat down.

Wanda sat in the chair in front of you, and you smiled awkwardly at her, who repeated the gesture before looking away from you to Stephen.

"I hope you all had a good week" Stephen began next. "Today I will be handing out the schedule of duo activities, and I expect all of you to accomplish these goals within six to eight months. Of course, no pressure." He jokes last, making the group laugh. You frown, because you are curious what kind of activities these are. "Jessica, take one and pass it to the side, please.”

Stephen asked handing some papers to one of the girls in the group who was sitting next to him. As each member took one, Stephen again spoke of the importance of communication between pairs, and how he would like to monitor everyone's progress closely. You stopped paying attention when the paper came into your hands, focused on reading the words.

Your hand rises in the air a moment later.

"Y/N, do you have a question?" Stephen asked as he interrupted his own speech when he saw your hand. You had your heart racing when you asked.

"It says drive a car here." You replied looking at him. "I don't... I don't drive."

You know that some members exchanged glances with each other, but you kept staring at Stephen.

"You can leave this activity for last. At the end of the treatment....

"No." You interrupted with a dry laugh, running your hands through your hair. "I'm not driving. I don't..."

"Would you like to share why that is?" Stephen asks tenderly, and you look around. Everyone looks at you curiously, and you feel your face heat up. Then you stare at the paper in front of you. Taking a deep breath, you try not to crumple the paper so hard as you tell it.

"My wife died in a car accident." You narrate, trying not to be bothered by people holding their breath for your confession. It was awkward to talk about it, and it was even more overwhelming to deal with the reactions of others. "I was driving, and... I can't anymore since the accident." You explain. "It's like I'm back in the car again."

You fall silent, unable to hold back your tears. The group says "thank you for sharing" next, startling you slightly. Stephen smiles at you as you look at him.

"Would you like to add anything else?"

"I would like you to tell me that I won't need to do that."

Stephen laughed. And then he denied it with his head.

"It's the opposite of that actually." He says. "I think you do need it. Maybe more than anyone else here."

You sighed, looking down. He spoke again after that, but you paid no further attention.

//-//

You swallowed your nervousness when Stephen called for the pairs to begin the first exercise.

Getting up and walking over to Wanda, you kept your gaze on the floor.

"We're going to try blind trust today." Stephen explained as he opened a small box, and began handing out black blindfolds to the pairs. He handed one to you. "You will blindfold your partner, and lead them around the gym for two minutes. And then switch who is blindfolded and repeat."

You blinked in confusion, taking one last look at the object in your hands.

"Right." You mumble, raising your eyes to the woman in front of you. "May I?"

Wanda hesitates a second, but then she nods. You turn around her, placing the blindfold under her eyes gently, and tying it to the back of her head. Wanda holds her breath momentarily, probably getting used to the lack of visibility.

" Can I hold your hands?" You ask softly as you circle her again, watching her blindfolded face. She looks... cute. The same second the thought hits you, you push it out.

"Yes." Wanda sighs raising her hands at chest height. You smile, interlacing your hands together.

"Well, we were in the circle, right?" You begin. "Come this way so you don't bump into the chairs."

Guiding Wanda through the gym, you stand close and with your hands interlocked so that she doesn't get scared of bumping into something. You catch a quick glance at Bucky, who was guiding his own partner as he passes your side.

Two minutes later, you exchange.

You hold your breath when the blindfold is on your eyes, but Wanda's hand is soft as she guides you around.

When you stumble slightly because you thought she said right instead of left, it's the first time in six months that you really laugh. It's short and quick, but it's a real laugh. Wanda laughs too, squeezing your hand lightly to get you back on the right path.

You feel a little lighter when the activity is over.

"I liked today." You comment with a shy smile after the meeting is over, and you and Wanda walk out of the place together. She smiles in agreement.

"Yeah, me too." She says. "Now we only have another twenty-four activities ahead of us."

You let out a nasal laugh, putting your hands in your pockets.

"About the homework, I can meet you when you have time." You start to say, remembering the information in the booklet, and how you probably had much more free time than a mother, and it would be kinder for you to follow whatever schedule Wanda had. "You can text me anytime you are free."

She looks slightly surprised at your words, and looks down at the floor a moment before speaking again.

"Actually, I'm free now." She says, and it is your turn to be surprised. Seeing your expression, she quickly adds. "But it's okay if you're not, or if you don't want to..."

"No, it's fine." You interrupt with a lopsided smile. "I can. I'd... uh... I would like to too."

Wanda nods frantically, and then you are silent for a moment, before turning shyly toward the street, walking side by side.

"What are we going to do first?" You ask looking forward. Wanda bites her lips, thoughtful.

"Are you hungry?"

Not much, but you don't tell her that. You just shrug, and Wanda smiles, saying that you could try the lesson of sharing a meal together.

This is how you end up in a cafeteria for lunch.

Wanda is sitting on the bench in front of you when she speaks again.

"So...do you want to have a normal conversation or do you want to follow the script of questions?"

You blink in surprise, and give a short laugh.

"Wait, is that for real?" You ask fiddling with your pockets, Wanda looks at you curiously. You take out the pamphlet you got in class, then read the back, and let out a giggle. "I hadn't seen that part. Wow, that would have been so helpful at so many times in my life."

Wanda smiles, watching you read the pamphlet.

"So you're not good at talking to people huh?"

You place the flyer on the table, looking at her.

"Are you?"

"No." She says shrugging. "Socializing has always been much more my brother's thing than mine."

You make a noise with your mouth in agreement, and Wanda's cell phone on the table vibrates. She lowers her gaze to the device, and lets out a light sigh.

"Speaking of him." She mutters as she raises her finger to the screen. She reads the notification, but does not touch the device again.

"I would like to have a brother." You count next, and Wanda looks at you. "I think it would be nice to have someone growing up together with me. Sometimes it's pretty lonely being an only child."

"I'll lend you mine if you want." Wanda teases with a smile, and you laugh lightly, looking away momentarily.

" How many siblings do you have?"

"Two." She counters. "Pietro is my twin. And the youngest is Lorna."

"How are they like?"

Wanda sighs, thoughtfully.

"Pietro is loud and nosy. And Lorna is blunt and judgmental." She says and you nod in understanding, but Wanda adds a second later, smiling, "They're amazing, really. Pietro is...very caring. He looks after the boys for me. And Lorna lives in Sokovia, but she's always calling and asking how we are, as well as visiting whenever she can."

"That seems nice." You reply. The waitress attends you two next, and after ordering, you both wait in silence for a while.

"Why haven't you asked me about my loss yet?" Wanda asks suddenly, and you look away from the wordplay that was drawn on the table to look at her with a frown.

"What do you mean?"

"I shared my loss with the group the week before you joined us." She counters. "You never asked me who I lost."

"Do you want me to ask?"

"I don't know." She replies staring at you as a mixture of confusion and surprise. "It's just... that's usually the first thing people want to know."

You nod looking away.

"Well, I just want you to tell me whatever you want to tell me." You say. "I know very well what that feels like. I don't think I could talk to any of the people I know without them asking me about Nat every time they saw me."

Wanda makes a noise with her mouth of understanding, and you fall silent again. She checks her messages next and makes a slight grimace, you can't hold your curiosity and let the words "everything okay?" escape your lips.

"Yeah, it's just... Monica." She sighs running her hands through her hair. She types something next, and looks up at you. "Monica is my brother's wife, She is... pushy."

"How so?"

"She just...she wants to help. But she wants too much, you know?" Wanda begins. "She has the best of intentions, but she just suffocates me sometimes." She counters by tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, as you look at her intently. "She lost her mother when she was younger. And since... since Vis died she just... she wants me to talk to her about it. But I can't."

You nod in acknowledgement, hesitating between what to say next, because the mention of this Vis guy seems to have left Wanda quite shaken, as she quickly wipes a tear from running down her cheek. She forces a smile, shaking her head.

"Sorry about that. It's not the best thing to cry at our first lunch." She then remarks, and you smile shrugging your shoulders.

"Don't worry, I can cry at the next one and then we'll be even." You retort and Wanda laughs. You like the sound more than you should.

When your food arrives, you and Wanda thank the waitress and talk again the next moment.

"Accordingly to this, what is our first question?" Wanda asks you nodding lightly to the pamphlet you have left on the table. You eat one of your fries as you look at it.

You lower your hand to the paper, and then let out a chuckle as you actually read the questions.

" This is ridiculous." You observe, making Wanda look at you curiously. "All the questions are death related, see: If you died, how would you like people to remember you?" You read. "Or, what song would you like played at your funeral. My god, this is a joke." You grumble as you fold the flyer, and put it back in your pocket while Wanda giggles. You look back at her next. "I am decreeing that we will not talk about death on our outings, Mrs. Maximoff. It's a rule."

Wanda smiles at you, agreeing.

"Wanda." She then adds and you look at her with confusion. "You don't have to call me Mrs. Maximoff. Wanda is fine."

You smile, nodding in agreement.

"So, Wanda, where do you live?" You ask with interest in your voice, biting into your burger next.

"Queens." She replies. "Two blocks past Bucky's apartment, who lives in Brooklyn."

"You are friends then?"

"Yeah, he's the one who introduced me to the group." She explains as you eat together. She chews some of her salad before speaking again. "And you?"

"Staten Island." You retort. "But it's actually my mother's house. My apartment is in the Bronx."

Wanda doesn't pressure you to tell her why you are living with your mother. A part of you thinks she knows why, but you are grateful that she just waits for you to share what you want, just as you do with her.

"What do you work with?" she asks next, and you sigh, biting back a smile.

"Nothing at the moment." You say, and she frowns with confusion. "It's just that I write. I’m actually a writer. With a publisher and everything. But, I'm not writing anything right now."

"I don't think I've ever met a writer before." She comments with a smile. "Do you like it?"

You look away, playing with your fries.

"I used to." You confess, but not wanting to make the conversation sad, you quickly add. "What about you? What do you work with?"

"I own a flower shop." She tells and you let out a low exclamation, finding it amazing. "I haven't been going there much lately, but I like it. It's always been what I've wanted to do since I was little."

"I'd like to visit someday."

Wanda smiles, assenting.

You spend lunch talking about the most diverse subjects. It is the lightest you have felt in a long time. Wanda tells you about her family, you learn that she lives in a big house with her two twin five-year-old sons, Billy and Tommy, and that her father was spending time with her since she lost Vis, who you figure is her husband, because Stephen mentioned that you had things in common, and it's not hard to connect the dots, even if she doesn't talk about it.

She also tells you that Pietro and Monica are helping the flower shop to keep running, and that Wanda's children love to stay at their house because Wanda's niece, Luna, is the same age as the boys.

She tells you some of her tastes, and you do the same. You both smile when you discover that you used to study at the same college, but Wanda graduated a few years before you.

When you leave the restaurant, you are not quite sure how to say goodbye to Wanda, but you don't mind her kissing your cheek and telling you that she enjoyed her lunch. You enjoyed it too, much more than you expected. She nods and turns away, and it takes a moment for you to do the same.

//-//

You decide to fix the broken screen of your cell phone.

It is because you now receive notifications of messages from Wanda, and you want to read them correctly so as not to get confused with the locations of your meetings for group activities.

You also enjoy the company of Bucky Barnes now. The first time you went to therapy together, it's a little awkward because you didn’t quite knew what to say, but he was friendly and kind, and you learned to trust him. Soon it becomes easy to share and laugh at his jokes.

In the second week with grieving pairs, Stephen brings in question and answer games. You and Wanda do very well, because it is surprisingly easy and comfortable to talk to her. You don't have lunch together, but she invites you to have coffee with her the next day, and it is very nice to see her out of therapy for once.

In the third week, you cook together. Stephen contacts a local restaurant owned by a friend, which is closed for the day, and they lend their kitchen. You and Wanda try to bake some cookies, and as you work together, the job is decent. It is probably because Wanda is a much better cook than you, and you are happy to obey whatever she tells you to do. You have lunch together again, and you find yourself suggesting that you do this whenever possible, and Wanda smiles when she agrees.

In the fourth week, there are obstacle competitions in the group. It's noisy, and it requires physical effort, but it's fun. It's the first month, so Stephen wants to see how everyone is progressing. It's only when he talks to you that you realize all the positive changes that have been happening.

You have been eating properly, and going for walks. Your nightmares have stopped since you started texting with Wanda, because she is usually busy all day and can only text at night. There is still work to be done, because you still can't talk about everything. You are still not sharing as you should, and you haven't gone back to work. But Stephen is proud, and he hands you a little progress brooch.

"I think you guys can start with the activities outside the group." Stephen suggests as soon as you accept the brooch.

"What do you mean? We have lunch together every Wednesday." You count, and Stephen laughs through his nose.

"Yes, and this is excellent." He says. "But it's still after therapy. You and Wanda have been getting along well haven't you?"

You think about the lunches. Yes. It's been amazing. You nod in agreement, and Stephen smiles.

"Why don't you invite her over for something on the other days of the week?" He suggests and you frown thoughtfully. "You could try outings that you both enjoy. Or just get to know each other's family."

"Why would we go and meet each other's family?"

"Friends do that." He says and you sigh, feeling your heart racing slightly. "Take Bucky for example. I suggested that he and Sam move in together and..."

"Wow, I'm not moving in with anyone."

Stephen laughs, touching your shoulder gently.

"I didn't tell you to do that." He says. "It was just an example. What I mean, is that socialization outside of the therapeutic environment is essential. I'd like to see you having fun excluding the activities I put on here, too."

You sigh, agreeing. It's not really a bad thing, you like Wanda. It's just weird to let people into your life again.

When you tell Wanda about Stephen's idea, you get too anxious and fumble with the words. She laughs as she raises her hands to your shoulders, asking you to breathe and repeat. She thinks the idea is very good when she understands.

Then the next week, you go to Central Park. You walk together, drink juice, and talk. You thought you would make things awkward, and not have anything interesting to say to keep Wanda's attention, but she is kind and thoughtful, and pays attention to every word you say, and finds your jokes funny. And the next thing you know, you've been talking and walking for six hours, and she has to run because she has to pick up the boys from music class.

It didn't take long for you to establish a rhythm of outings. At least twice a week outside of the therapy day, you did something together. Be it walks, or trips to the park, or sharing a meal.

You didn't want to admit it, but Wanda became your favorite person very quickly.

//-//

It was February when you met Wanda's family.

Wanda invited you to the birthday party of Luna, Pietro's daughter. It was going to be the first party you had attended since Nat's death, and to say you were feeling anxious was an understatement. But as long as Wanda was by your side in the atmosphere, you thought you would be fine.

Your mother gave you a look of mixed surprise and pride when she saw you leaving the house in an outfit other than a sweatshirt, but she didn't say anything, and you hurried to catch the subway.

It took a while to get there, but when you did, there were already a few people around the house.

You took a deep breath, and walked to the front door that was open. It was a very nice house, and you tried to find Wanda as quickly as possible.

"Hey, you came!" It was Bucky, who saw you arriving from the kitchen. He was wearing a very nice set of jeans, and smiled encouragingly at you. The two people he talked to looked at you curiously, but Bucky hurried to introduce you as "a good friend of his and Wanda's" and you felt your cheeks blush. "This is my husband Sam and this is his sister, Sara."

You smiled politely as you greeted people.

"I'm looking for Wanda." You say to Bucky, and he makes a thoughtful expression for a few seconds.

"Try the garden, I think she was helping Pietro with the snacks." He says as he puts his hand on your shoulder, and turns you in the right direction. "Follow straight this way and you'll get there."

You thanked them and waved to the other two before heading outside.

It took two minutes to find Wanda. She found you actually.

"Hi." She greeted you shyly with a smile as she approached. You mimicked the gesture. "So glad you could make it."

Wanda hugged you quickly, and you were a complete mess. Disguisedly, you smiled awkwardly, telling her you were glad to be here and wished you could meet her brother.

"Pietro is upstairs changing Luna's dress. She spilled juice on the other one." She counters and you mumble in understanding. Wanda's gaze races around and then she lets out a low exclamation. "Come, let me introduce you to Monica."

"Hey, Mon, I want you to meet someone." Wanda says as soon as you two reach a woman at one of the outside tables, wearing a very pretty blue dress. She seemed to hand out some napkins on the table.

"This is your mystery friend I imagine." Says the woman cheerfully, extending her hand to greet you.

"Hi, thank you for having me." You say clumsily as you accept the greeting. Monica doesn't mind your clumsiness one bit, and smiles, and thanks you for the small package you hand her. You were always taught that one should bring a gift if you were going to the party after all.

"It's so nice to finally meet you honey." She says smiling. "Wanda won't stop saying how funny and entertaining you are."

You cast a glance at Wanda, who just has red cheeks as she looks away.

"Here comes Pietro." Monica then exclaims, waving to someone behind you. "Come on babe, it's Wanda's friend."

A tall man approaches you, a little girl on his lap wearing a princess dress.

"Hello." Pietro greeted you politely as he stood at his wife's side. "We finally met you. We were beginning to think Wanda made you up."

You let out a half-hearted laugh, and Wanda grumbles that suddenly everyone has decided to tease her with flushed cheeks.

"Daddy, can I go play now?" The little girl asked. She was adorable, and looked a lot like her parents.

"You'll be careful, right?" Pietro asked her. "No other princess dress for you."

The girl nods and Pietro sets her down after kissing her cheek.

"I need to greet the other guests, but make yourselves at home." Monica then said, touching your shoulder lightly before leaving. You thought she was very gentle.

For the next few minutes you were basically interrogated by Pietro, but in the most polite way he could manage. Wanda stayed by your side though, so you didn't bother to tell him what you did for a living, where you resided, or with whom. He was sensitive enough not to ask about who you lost, and you were very grateful for that.

"What's he doing here?" Wanda exclaimed suddenly, interrupting Pietro's talk about his job as a seller. She had her gaze in the opposite direction from where you were standing, and Pietro sighed.

"Wanda, it was a last-minute invitation." He began, and Wanda turned her head to him quickly, a mixed look of anger and hurt. But then she took a deep breath, and forced a smile, making you frown at the whole scene.

"No, Pietro. It's okay." She says. "Don't worry, it's a party, isn't it? We're here to have fun."

A man with a thinning beard reached you all next, and you were slightly surprised when Wanda grabbed your hand, but you didn't say anything.

"Wow, it's amazing to see you guys again." The man said smiling encouragingly. Pietro rushed over to hug him quickly.

"Good to see you too, Tony!" he greeted smiling, but he also looked slightly tense. You didn't know what the story was there, but clearly Wanda was not very comfortable in the stranger's presence.

"Wanda, look at you, my little sister-in-law!" Tony said excitedly extending his arms. But Wanda didn't move, squeezing your hand lightly. The man didn't seem to mind, moving forward and hugging Wanda anyway. He pulled away quickly however, still smiling, "And who are you?” He asked you next.

"I’m..."

"Leaving." Wanda cuts you off, ducking her head as she pulls you away with her. You hear Pietro sigh lightly, imagining that he would apologize for whatever this was.

As you two walk back into the house, you consider asking, but Wanda is looking around, clearly searching for someone. She lets out a low exclamation when she finds Bucky in the living room.

"Hey, Wanda." He says as soon as he sees her. "You've seen him, right?"

"You knew he was coming?" she asked, letting go of your hand, looking annoyed. You were starting to get very uncomfortable.

"Yes." Bucky confesses looking upset, and Wanda lets out an exclamation of indignation and surprise. "I told Pietro that it wasn't a good idea, but he still needs help with the Vis business..."

"No." Wanda interrupts by closing her eyes momentarily. You blink because she seems on the verge of tears at any moment. "I just..." She starts and takes a deep breath. Bucky steps forward with his hands in the air to touch her, but she forces a smile, denying with her head to signal him not to. "We're not going to make a scene, are we? Nobody's going to want that. I just... I just need a moment."

Wanda walks upstairs next, leaving you and Bucky behind. You really didn't understand what happened, and started to consider going after her, and as if reading your thoughts, Bucky patted you on the shoulder.

"Leave her alone for a few minutes, okay?" he asks. "She just needs to get used to the idea of seeing her late husband's brother again."

You swallowed dryly, nodding in understanding. Bucky smiled weakly at you, nodding for you to join him in the small circle of people he was talking to earlier.

//-//

Every minute without Wanda at your side with a bunch of strangers was like torture. Your heart was racing and you thought you were going to hyperventilate at any moment. Bucky was probably the only thing familiar, so you stood static next to him, trying to disguise yourself as much as possible while listening to people talking.

"Thor, I'm waiting for the invitation to your wedding!" Sam joked in the middle of the wheel, drawing laughter from everyone. The tall, blond man next to him looked mildly embarrassed.

"Tell that to Jane, she's the one who's postponing it." He replies in the same tone. You don't want to hear about engagements and weddings. So you mutter to Bucky that you need to use the bathroom and he points you in the direction.

Pietro's house is easy to get lost into. You are looking for a secluded corner to stay in, and as you pass through the empty hallway, you hear a noise that attracts your attention. It sounds like loud breathing.

Confused, you walk toward the sound, carefully opening the door to what appears to be an office. You find the switch, and your eyes widen in surprise when you find a child. It is a small boy, sitting on the floor with his head between his knees. It takes a second for you to realize by the height of his breathing what is happening.

Closing the door behind you to muffle the sound of the party, you rush to kneel beside the child.

"Hey, kid." You whisper tenderly but he just sobs. "What's your name? Hey? Try to say your name for me okay?"

You bring your hands to his and he raises his head, his face stained with tears as he breathes hard.

"T-Tommy" He gasps and you nod, squeezing his hands lightly.

"Okay, Tommy. I want you to breathe along with me now okay?" You ask as you signal with your hand the movement of your breath. "In and out like I'm doing."

"I-I can't." He cries, but you insist, squeezing his hand lightly.

"Tommy, in and out. This way." You repeat firmly, until he imitates. "All right, kid. Keep going. Breathe."

When Tommy manages to start breathing properly again, you smile at him. "You see, you did very well. Want me to give you a hug?"

He nodded, and you stepped forward, hugging him tightly. He didn't let go for long moments, and you began to think he might have fallen asleep, but he moved again, and you let go.

"I'm sorry." He asked weakly, and you held his hand.

"No, honey. It's okay." You say gently, crossing your legs to sit more comfortably in front of him. "Do you want me to stay here with you?"

He nods, looking at you quickly. You wipe away his tears afterwards.

"I don't know you." He says a moment later, and you smile slightly.

"I don't know you either."

"My name is Tommy." He replies with his hands folded in his lap. "This is my aunt and uncle's house, but I've never seen you at a party before."

"Wow, you are Wanda's son." You realize with surprise. Tommy blinks.

"Who is Wanda? I'm Mommy's son."

You laugh, nodding in agreement.

"Well, Tommy, your mother's name is Wanda." You explain, and he lets out a sigh of understanding. "I'm her friend."

"Okay." He says simply. He sighs lightly then. "I'm hungry."

You look at him curiously.

"Do you want a hot dog?" You ask, and he nods frantically, smiling. "Do you want to go outside and get it, or do you want me to bring it for you here?"

Tommy is thoughtful for a few seconds, and looks at the door for a moment.

"I want to go."

"Okay."

You get up first, and then help him to stand, and keep your hand in his to comfort him.

"Hey, is everything all right?" You ask as soon as you open the door. He has his thumb in his mouth, but nods, his eyes attentive to his surroundings.

Fortunately the kitchen is empty, since the house seemed to get warm enough for everyone to go outside. You sit Tommy down at the kitchen counter and prepare a hot dog for him.

"Do you like ketchup?" you ask and he nods smiling. After handing the hot dog to him, you made one for yourself. You smiled as you both took big bites of your food. "Does your mom let you drink soda?" You ask a moment later, and Tommy looks thoughtful. "Don’t lie."

Tommy grimaces mischievously, and nods his head in denial. You laugh and reach for two glasses, pouring some grape juice for you.

"Thanks." He says thank you as soon as you hand him the cup. You think it's adorable how polite he is at this age.

"There you are, Tommy." Pietro spoke as he appeared in the kitchen. He watched the scene with curiosity. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Sorry, Uncle." Murmured the boy lowering his head. "My head was hurting again."

Pietro sighed and you exchanged a look with him. He nodded in understanding before helping Tommy down from the countertop.

"Billy and Luna are eating candy in the backyard, honey." He says as he bends down to the boy's height. "Go ask Aunt Mon to give you some too."

Tommy seems content to leave after that, but he turns and hugs your legs quickly, muttering a "thanks for the hot dog" before running outside. You place his cup of juice in the sink along with yours before turning to Pietro.

"Where did you find him?" he asks leaning on the counter with his arms crossed. You mimic the position on the opposite side.

"In the office down the hall." You count. "What does he have?"

"We don't know yet." Pietro says. "He won't turn six until November, and the diagnosis can't be made before then." The man explains, running his hand through his hair for a moment. "But I've had anxiety since I was a kid, so his doctor thinks it's the most likely possibility."

You grumble in understanding, biting the inside of your cheek.

"He's been pretty nervous lately." Pietro continues next. You don't want to interrupt him. "I guess that makes sense. I got worse when my mother died, too."

You swallow dryly, really not being intimate enough to know what to say next. But Pietro doesn't mind, he smiles, shaking his head and reaching up to pat you on the arm.

"Sorry, I don't mean to make the subject morbid." He comments humorously. "Thank you so much for helping Tommy. Come have a drink outside."

You laugh half-heartedly, denying with your head.

"Thank you, Pietro." You say. "But I think I'd better go."

Pietro blinks in surprise.

"Are you sure?"

You nod, your gaze quickly going to the stairs before returning to him.

"Yes, I'm... I'm tired." You say. "Crowded environments are quite difficult for me."

Pietro nods in acknowledgement, and then smiles, thanking you again for coming and hugging you quickly.

You smile awkwardly before heading for the exit just as he returns to the garden.

Ignoring the urge to climb up the stairs after Wanda, you leave.

//-//

When you get home, there is a message on the refrigerator door from your mother, telling you that she is going out after work and that you shouldn't wait up for her. You grumble slightly, sending her a message to use protection, before leaving your cell phone on the counter.

After taking a shower and putting on the most comfortable and warmest set of sweatshirts you have, you go back to the living room, looking for some entertainment on the television.

It must be about eight o'clock at night when a knock at the door startles you.

You are surprised to have Wanda at your front door and she hesitates as soon as she sees you.

"Hi." You say.

"Can we talk?"

You make room for her to enter, closing the door afterwards.

Wanda stops in the doorway of the room, holding her purse tightly.

"I'm sorry I left you alone at the party." She begins and you look at her attentively, noticing her nervousness. "It wasn't polite of me."

You blink in confusion, but don't interrupt her. She closes her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before looking back at you.

"It was not the right way to behave and I am sorry. I hope we continue to be grieving partners" She says.

"Wanda, why are you here?" You ask with a frown, trying to understand exactly what you are witnessing. Wanda blinks in confusion.

"To apologize."

"Yeah I'm not buying it." You retort. "I don't care about the whole manners thing, I wouldn't treat you differently just because of the party. What's going on?"

"I don't... I don't know what you're talking about." She says shaking her head slightly, her eyes wide. You look at her in disbelief, she seemed on the verge of an outburst. "I just came to apologize for not being a good hostess, and not even a good friend. And..."

"I don't give a damn if you weren't behaving as you should." You interrupt seriously. "You don't have to pretend to be okay with me. I saw the way you were forcing yourself to smile during the party. What was all that about? Why are you pretending?"

Wanda let out a humorless laugh, holding up her hands, her eyes filled with tears.

"I don't know what..."

"If you're going to lie you can leave." You interrupt seriously pointing to the door. Wanda swallows dryly, looking at you in surprise. "I'm not like those people, Wanda. I don't want to see your version of the perfect housewife, who pretends everything is fine while it's falling apart so others will feel better. Either you tell me the truth, or we' re not going anywhere."

Wanda stares at you for several seconds, then looks away, tears streaming down her face. You sigh, uncrossing your arms to walk toward the door. As you begin to open it, however, Wanda rushes in and pushes the wood with one hand, the noise and movement startling you momentarily.

"Please." She begs throwing herself against you, her arms clutching around you as she buries her head in your chest, her tears wetting your shirt. "I can't lose you too."

You sigh, hugging her back in the same intensity to calm her.

"Breathe, Wanda." You say. "I'm right here."

When she stops crying, she breaks the embrace, and you give her a smile even though she is looking at the floor. You bring your hands to her face to wipe away her tears, moving closer to give her a kiss on her forehead before pulling away.

"Let's have some tea."

As you prepare the drink, Wanda sits down on one of the stools in the kitchen. You join her after lighting the fire.

"Do you want to talk now?" You ask next, swinging your seat slightly. Wanda gives you a weak smile, nodding her head. She sighs before she begins.

"My husband died last year." She counters with a lost look on her face. "That man at the party...his name is Tony. He is my brother-in-law. He... My husband died in an accident. He..." Wanda paused, probably overwhelmed by the memories, you reached out for her hand on the counter, and she sniffled before continuing. "Tony is an alcoholic. He...he needed someone to pick him up. So he called. And Vis... They... They argued outside the bar, and someone thought Vis was a cop. And then someone had a knife and..." Wanda stopped in a sob, releasing her hand to cup her face. You stood up, hugging her by the shoulders, and she buried her face in your neck, crying heavily.

"I'm sorry." You sighed, squeezing her. Wanda cried, hugging your waist. You only let go when the kettle beeped.

She wiped away the remaining tears as you went to turn off the fire.

"Do you want to go on?" You ask as you join her again, holding her hands. Wanda gives you a tired smile, denying it. "Let's drink our tea, then."

//-//

"Can I sleep here?" The question doesn't surprise you. After you had finished drinking tea, and you tried to distract Wanda with some small talk, you stood up to take the mugs to the sink, and her voice invaded your ears with the question.

You bit the inside of your cheek, but when you turned around, you didn't hesitate to agree.

And that's how you ended up in your closet doorway, looking for extra pillows.

Wanda walked around, observing your room with curiosity. You mentally thanked your mom that it had only been two days since her monthly cleaning, and your room was not messy.

"Who is this?" Wanda asks as she holds one of your frames in her hand. You have an extra comforter in your hand as you walk over to her to look at the picture.

"This is Bruce." You say looking at the photograph for a moment. Ignoring the wave of guilt that fills your stomach, you walk over to your bed. "We've studied together most of our lives. And the girl next to him is Carol, she was my maid of honor."

"Are they the friends you don’t talk to anymore?" Wanda asks as she returns the picture to the headboard. You mumble in agreement.

"Done, Wands." You say as you place the comforter on the bed. "You can have my pillow, I'll use the cushions on the sofa anyway."

Wanda frowns in confusion.

"Aren't you going to sleep with me?" She asks and you laugh in surprise, feeling your heart race.

"W-what?"

"I thought..." She starts and seeing your reddened face she looks away, clearing her throat. "I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch."

"It's okay, really." You assure her with a smile. "I'll be downstairs and if you need anything you can wake me up."

"Y/N..."

"Good night." You interrupt with a smile, moving closer to place a quick kiss on her cheek before turning and leaving the room, your heart racing.

You haven't slept in the same bed with another woman in many months. That is absolutely not going to happen tonight.

When Wanda finally lies back against the sheets, she grumbles softly. Your scent is everywhere, and she knows very well what it means when her body shivers and she feels a small warmth at the pit of her stomach. Pushing these thoughts away, she closes her eyes, hoping that the tiredness of the day will be enough to make her sleep.

#sorry for your loss #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wandaxyou #wandaxreader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff reader #wanda maximoff you #marvel imagines

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scuttle-buttle · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

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#the interpretation of dreams #laszlo kreizler x reader #laszlo x reader #laszlo kreizler #the alienist #the alienist angel of darkness #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #laszlo kreizler fanfic #laszlo kreizler daniel bruhl #scuttle-buttle #tw self harm #tw suicude #tw child abuse

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