#I married my best fiend to shut my parent up

[yurimother]

I Married My Best Friend: A Bridge Between Yuri Eras

This is a preview of an article from The Secret Garden, YuriMother’s exclusive series of articles, available only for Patrons. If you want to access it and help support Yuri and LGBTQ+ content, subscribe to the YuriMother Patreon.

Naoko Kodama's I Married My Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up was both serialized and published in 2018, just before Yuri's 100th anniversary, which marks the start of the "Common Yuri Era". The work depicts lesbian identity and attempts to open itself to the issues and sociopolitical challenges. However, critical review reveals that, although these explicit acknowledgments move the series beyond prior works, it falls short of the genuine explorations of queerness found within the Common Yuri Era. Kodama's adherence to the detached jovial comedy of shounen's slapstick influence on Yuri, itself a product of Yuri's evolution in multiple demographics (Bauman, "Yuri is for Everyone"), foils its efforts.

In I Married My Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up, Machi's overbearing parents have high expectations for her in many areas, including marriage. Fed up after her parents send her yet another set of profiles of successful men they hope to become their new son-in-law, Machi lets her friend, Hana, who has been openly in love with her since high school, convince her to enter into a sham marriage. Thus, they get "married." However, the pair do not enjoy a legal marriage but register a special partnership certificate from Tokyo's Shibuya Ward; the closest two women can get to marriage in Japan. This incredible technicality marks Married My Best Friend's queerness.

What sets I Married My Best Friend close to works of Yuri's second century is this representation of queer issues and identity. Machi and Hana's partnership certificate exposes the equality issues of real-life Japan, where gay marriages have no legal standing; A ban resulting from an unfortunate interpretation of the country's constitution that the district court in Osaka recently upheld (Treisman). However, the 2015 establishment of Shibuya's partnership system, under which Hana and Machi obtain their certificate, was the first legal avenue for Japanese citizens to have their LGBTQ+ relationship recognized.

A fair number of Yuri stories feature marriage, especially those of recent years. However, such works often ignore the issue of gay marriage legality, declining to display or explain the details of such a union. This absence is not to say that a media such as Hisakawa Haru's Yurikon is not enjoyable or is not, in its own way, queer. However, its ceremonies are akin to the pure worlds of S, the brides hidden away from reality by "the gauze curtain" (Friedman, By Your Side) to play at love without the burdens of the real struggles and pressures existent in LGBTQ+ identity.

Contrast this with the OshiRabu visual novels, a product of Yuri's second century. While the series primarily focuses on fanservice and comedy, it also positively acknowledges the characters' lesbian identity, as Ren openly admits her sexuality. Furthermore, the legal matter of same-sex marriage is recognized, though quickly dismissed; a complication waved away with an offhand statement that gay marriage is now legal. The matter-of-fact explanation is quick but serves an important role. Such a ridiculous product as the "cat and mouse" romance between a cursed girl and her lucky young unwanted houseguest/girlfriend/fiancé (depending on the point of the series) need not ground itself in reality. Such a game gains little in referencing marriage equality except legitimizing its characters' identity, making the issues that plague the real world seen.

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[monkeyspawnskydiamond]

To The Woman Who Slept With My Husband

Anonymous·January 26, 2016·5 min readJanuary 26, 2016

Editor’s Note: This piece is written by Marc Gafni’s third ex-wife who was married to him from 1998 to 2004.  She wrote about her experience in a recent post for the Times of Israel

hevria.com/anonymous/woman-slept-husband/

I will never forget your apology to me. Tearful, remorseful, awful.

You kept it a secret. You held it in for well over a decade. Embroidered it into your skin…Sequestered from sight and air and left it rotting there inside of you.

Sometimes I imagine all the sick little secrets he ever spawned…all drawn upon the skin of the women who entrusted their silence, their innocence, their sense of shame, to him.

I remember how broken you were. How over-spilled with shame. Begging my forgiveness.

And all I could think was, no I don’t forgive you. I don’t.

Because I don’t blame you. I don’t have a drop of blame to add to this flask of self-guilt you continue to sip.

You tell yourself that you were consensual. An adult. A willing participant. But I don’t buy it. Not in my book you’re not. In my book, you’re a victim…just like me.

If I had my way, every morsel of guilt that rests on your shoulders would be hoisted squarely upon his sorry neck til it breaks. Your sweet beguiled remorse only belongs atop the heaping scale of his guilt.

Please hear me — It is HIS fault that it happened. It is HIS fault that you kept his dirty secret for over a decade.

He was your Rabbi – a spiritual authority figure some 15 years your senior. You were his student.

Did you know that educate and seduce have the same Latin root? He had a sacred duty to educate you, and instead he seduced you.

He convinced you – the very same way he did with everyone else – that you were to blame. That you were a consenting adult. That you asked for it, wanted it, were complicit.

And so you stand before me feeling guilty. – Can’t you see? Remorse is the very emotion that he is utterly incapable of feeling and yet so masterful at using against you.

So, yes, I admit it. I am angry at you.

But not because you agreed to his copious gropes. No, it’s because you blame yourself. I am furious at you for this.

Because when you blame yourself he wins again. And I’m done losing to him. I’m done with it.  

When you blame yourself you send the story line reeling in the wrong direction.

When you blame yourself you obscure the truth. Again. And this truth has been so rampantly mangled, so  treacherously obscured and robbed of its say so many times and in so many way that it makes me frickin’ sick with fury and I’m done with it…

So please indulge me as I lay the truth out as I know it. In the starkest possible terms. Give me one more chance to rant against this monstrosity of a man and all that he did to me and my precious, G-d fearing & decent friends.

We were innocent young women flat-out finagled by a world-class con-artist. Lassoed in by a sociopath marauding as a spiritual guide. He took our innocence, our best intentions, our deepest yearnings – and twisted it against us. For his own sick purposes.

And he did it to the not-so-young-and-innocent as well.

And it is nothing short of criminal. There should be laws against this in every court of man.

Unfortunately there aren’t – yet.

But there is this… THIS moment. This ‘hearing’.

This jury box set up in the international courthouse known as The Internet.  

I beg the very ears of heaven to bend down low to grok all that I am saying here.  

We have been wronged by this fiend. Flocks of us. Students, funders, colleagues. And so many of us to this day heap the shame upon ourselves. So many of us keep stitching the secret back into our skin til it snakes like poison-ivy across our psyches.

Until we spell out his manipulations in all their stark reality then the world won’t see it either and his defenders will persist. His abuses will continue – with impudence – as they have for decades.

Aren’t we ready to be done with this?

I say this to All Victims Everywhere…

This is sooo much bigger than Gafni.

This message is for everyone out there who is right now sitting speechless on a stash of secrets.

Know this: your self-blame and secret-keeping are just one more way that your smiling abuser continues to victimize you. Your secret-guarding is his/her best defense and shining license to attack again.

Your remorse, your shame and your shut mouths are but weapons in abusive hands.

I know, you might be embarrassed about what you did. But this is precisely where the murkiness sets in. The darkness feasts on murkiness. It is the grey matter that feeds a thousand fiends.

So let us make it perfectly clear. Our secret-keeping is another form of abuse. It keeps our abusers safe and enabled to continue their diabolic games.

I know. I protected my abuser too. Because I believed in ‘the mission’. Because I felt shame. Because I didn’t want to talk bad or air dirty laundry. Good Lord, I still refuse to share my name.

But I am determined to do it differently now. We can do it different now. And we can set new precedents for the future. The internet has gifted us with voice, with systems of support beyond our wildest dreams.

We can do it for every victim out there who might right now be reading this and reconsidering their own pacts of silence signed with shame.

We can show them what it looks like to tell our stories as loud and angry as we can muster.

This might be the only hearing against these slippery criminals that we are going to get my friends.

So please. If you are keeping secrets for someone, anyone…a partner…a parent… teacher…a friend. Speak it. Share it.

Secret-keeping is your first indicator that there is foul play.

Even if you fear you were consensual. Even if you enjoyed it at some point. Even if you fear ‘betraying him’ as if it were the plague.

Just share with one other person. Find a therapist, a computer screen, a confidant. Tell someone.  Do it anonymously. Do it imperfectly. But do it.

And for the sake of all is good and holy… forgive yourself.

Believe me –  it’s not too late.

[belle-keys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[everlarkbirthdaygifts]

Happy Birthday, jbsaucy!

Happy belated Birthday, @jbsaucy​! We hope you had a wonderful day back on the 16th, and that you celebrated in style! To bring your party back around, the lovely @mega-aulover​ has written a story just for you!

For this year, I am recently divorced and trying to get the nerve up to get out there. So I would like to request a 30/40s Everlark, post divorced meeting

Jbsaucy

Dear Jbsaucy I hope you had a wonderful birthday. I apologize for the lateness, and I hope you had a wonderful day. This prompt BTW was amazing and I had a great time writing it. It was a blast. Thank you to Norbertsmom for Betaing 

Rated T 

Title:  OFF THE MARKET

-kpkpkpkp-

Divorce sucks. SUCKS.

Getting divorced sucks, being divorced sucked.

But nothing, not the tedious nature of dividing unwanted movies, the fear of root canals, or getting a speeding ticket, compared to dating. Dating, ladies and gentlemen, after being married for ten years sucked royally. 

ROYALLY!

After my divorce, my attorney suggested I get a hobby or join a club. I really wasn’t a social person. Not much of a talker, and avoided any and all spotlights. It was this fear of the spotlight that originally brought me in contact to my now ex-husband, Darius.

My best friend Gale pushed me to do one of those karaoke nights. I panicked and ran straight into Darius. He thought I was cute, and I was grateful he went up with me to the karaoke microphone. He sang and I laughed. The rest is history; the marriage only lasted ten years. But I knew we weren’t right for one another, partially because Darius was a very sexual person, for me sex wasn’t important. I got more enjoyment out of getting my teeth cleaned. He found someone who revved his engine and I got the fica and dates. 

Yup Dates.

How did that happen you ask?

Well, I’ll tell you I followed my divorce attorney’s suggestion. Preface-OUTSIDE OF A COURTROOM NEVER EVER FOLLOW YOUR DIVORCE ATTORNEY’S ADVICE.

With that warning sign, I digress. Taking a deep breath, I pinch the bridge of my nose. Wait for it... I joined a book club. 

It was the only natural course of action. After our divorce I got all of the books. You see one of the things Darius and I loved to do was go to bookstores. We’d buy all of these books with the intention of reading them, and we never did. We had bookshelves filled with books from the 100 Must-Read Classic Books by Penguin. So after my divorce, I sat in my newly minted apartment with a box of wine and all of these books. 

I was looking at the boxes, my divorce papers jutting out. Amongst them there was a note - with the name of a book club, the real 451 book club, with an address. I called them the Squad 451 or the Squad. The women were a hodgepodge of personalities; the right blend of sweet and crazy. There is Mags, the motherly type. She has boatloads of grandchildren. Then there is her neighbor Greasy Sae  who runs a diner in town. I used to go to her diner as a kid and consume her mystery meat soups. The older woman is bawdy and half of the things she says makes me blush redder than a red bean. Next is Annie, a shy, slightly mad girl who is a librarian. Delly has the personality of the southern bell who wears pink and believes in romance. I’ve known of Delly forever; she and I went to the same high school. 

Foxface,  has one of those names with multiple consonants and vowels but prefers to go by Foxy or Foxface. She is freakishly smart and sometimes, I think she has blackmarket dealings because she’s so secretive. Then there is Effie, the middle aged, tightly wound woman whose book choices are as repressed as she is, like Jane Eyre. And last, but not least, is my divorce lawyer, yes the very same one who suggested I get a hobby, Johanna Mason who is, well, a sex fiend. 

I started meeting up with them, and six months after my divorce, that’s when the ladies conspired against me and set up my profile on one of those dating websites looking for men, for me. I had no idea, and on my birthday, they presented me with their “gift.” 

It was the gift you didn’t want, like a pimple on your wedding day or the runs before an important interview, or bad breath before a first kiss. 

Greasy said that if I didn’t use my, well, feminine - looks around - petals. That they’ll dry up and turn into ugly petunias. I announced sex wasn’t important, and even friged Effie said a lady needed to literally, figuratively, and metaphorically, occassionally let her hair down. 

 I said NO.

I demanded.

I scowled.

Nothing helped.

They created a profile based upon themselves, and yet through describing themselves they pegged me. I was nurturing. I had a sexy edge. I was introverted, and yet mysterious. I was smart, honest, loyal and a closet romantic. But if you tell anyone that, I’ll hunt you down, even after I’m dead. 

They split me up like a kid of divorced parents being schlepped from one house to the other. They set themselves up in teams and each team got to pick my dates. And everytime we met for a book club meeting, I was to dutifully report on the date. Based upon their success, a second date would be permitted. 

It was a simple proposition. 

I was naive. A stupid idiot, or as Bugs Bunny say’s, a maroon. 

Because I hadn’t really ever been out there. 

To be honest, I met Darius right out of high school, at my first college party, and we were married - okay it wasn’t a big wedding. It really wasn’t a wedding at all. It was a spur of the moment, we got drunk and ended up at one of those Elvis chapel impersonators. Annnnd bada-bing. 

I never really dated, so I agreed with the book club’s plan, because how hard could dating be?

 And thus began my nightmare.

I must state, or emphatically note, not all of my “dates,” were catastrophically bad. To be fair, most of the time I wasn’t interested. Delly said I wasn’t romantically pulled. Johnna said my engine wasn’t revved up. Greasy said if the man didn’t make me want to orgasam with a look, then he wasn’t worth my time. I posed this question to the universe: How in blazing blue inferno does a man make a woman...well you know, with a look? Was that even possible?

A hazy yellow fuzz enters my head and my mind wanders. I conjure up blue eyes and translucent lashes that never tangle.  

Sigh.

…. (my brain just short circuited at the thought of large hands)

Earth to Katniss. 

Okay sorry, I spaced out for a little bit, and their words spurred me on to continue my journey. And one year after my divorcce I had stories, no I have battle scars.  To prove my point, the following are my top three worst dates. In no particular order.  

Date Disaster # 1 was with an artsy type at a chique Italian restaurant. He arrived late, and was drunk, high, or both. Then fell asleep on his plate of bolognese. Yup, in his plate of spaghetti and meat sauce. I paid for my half, tucked my tail between my legs and left.

Date Disaster #2 was with a small man with glasses and a massive intellect who didn’t stop talking about flamingos. FLAMING PINK FLAMINGOS. My brain shut down. I didn’t hear the music in the jazz themed restaurant. I didn’t even taste the heat in the gumbo. The only factoid I remembered when we said goodnight was that flamingos were gray when they were born. I couldn’t even tell you how they became pink. The man was the human form of anesthesia for my soul. 

Date Disaster #3 was a nice man. We laughed. And everything was going well. We ordered drinks, a cranberry and soda for me, the bartender special for him while we waited for our table. Turns out he has a milk allergy and the bartender special had milk. When we sat down at the table and we were talking about our hobbies, his stomach began to grumble loudly. He became pasty and then as the waiter brought out our appetizers, he threw up all over the place. It was a good thing that throwing up didn't bother me, but it bothered our waiter who gagged. Needless to say, I burned the outfit I was wearing.  

Those were the top three...but there were more, just simmering to become the top one. And for a time I thought I wasn’t made to date.  But the ladies had faith and they were really trying to choose nice, interesting guys. However, nothing, nothing that I could ever imagine could top my latest date. 

I’m rushing along the sidewalk. I don’t want to be late, but at the same time, I don’t want to tell them how much of a calamity my latest date was, but to be completely honest, I don’t want to miss it. Tonight is also the night the group meets at Mellark’s. The friendly cafe style bakery with its rich and yummy pastries, both savory and sweet. It is my favorite place to meet. Squad 451 meets twice a month in different locations, including one of the two meeting rooms in the library, one of the community rooms in the Justice Building, and on our birthdays, we meet in a restaurant, but the bakery on Main Street is our favorite location. The Mellarks owned several locations. The flagship store was always managed by one of the original family members.  

If George Senior, or the middle son Ryan Mellark is at the helm of the bakery, they allow us to cavort in the shop until close. When his older brother George Junior or their Mother Muriel was in charge, we tended to be quiet, relegating our conversations to the books. When Peeta is in charge, there are free cheese buns and chaos. 

Please, stomach gods, let Peeta be there. I skipped lunch today because I had a deadline. I also forgot my wallet at home. Thankfully, my license was at the bottom of my backpack. I need food before my stomach eats itself. I am starving when I walk into the bakery. When I see Peeta, I stop. His blue eyes meet mine and my stomach flip flops. He gives me a slow sweet smile, before his eyes slide back to the customer who is ordering.

“Katniss,” Delly squeaks, waving frantically.

Somehow, my feet carry me over to the table and there is a plate of cheese buns and I thank every celestial being in the universe. His buns are heavenly. Sitting down, I take a napkin and snatch one.  My mouth waters and my lashes close as I bring the cheese bun to my mouth.  The smell of melted cheese, fresh bread, and the hint of dill, assuage my nose, before I bite into one of Peeta’s coveted flaky concoctions. The combination of the oozing cheese, the herbs and the buttery bread elicit a moan from deep within my being. These freaking cheese buns will be the death of me. 

“Wow.” Peeta’s voice causes my lashes to fly open. 

Peeta is standing near me with a cup of tea; his face and neck splotchy and red.  

My mouth is full of delicious food, but I forgot how to chew. 

Delly is looking between us. Her pale blue eyes quizzical, like when she’s trying to understand a concept or theme in a book.

 “Okay, bitches,” Johanna says, slamming her brief down. “Where’s the rest of the motley crew?”

“Mags and Greasy just arrived,” Delly answers absentmindedly. 

“Hey, Peeta, I need a strong black coffee.” 

“Sure,” Peeta says, all the while staring at me. I finally remember to chew. “Here Katniss, your tea.”   

Taking the paper cup, I can’t help feeling bashful. “Thank you.”

“Peet,” the girl behind the counter calls. 

Whenever Peeta is here, the business is brisk. He is charming. He was always charming, even back in high school he was the most popular guy, not only because of his looks, but because he was genuinely nice. I, like all of the other girls, had a mini crush on him. 

Looking over his shoulder he says, “I’ll be right back with your coffee, Jo.” 

Now Jo is looking between him and me, but hers is a wicked grin, like right before she nails a sleazebag who doesn’t want to pay for his children. I quirk an eyebrow, clueless as to what has Johanna showing off her predatory gleam. 

“Oh, it’s chilly outside,” Mags says.

“It’s colder than Rudolph’s balls outside,” Greasy says, her gruff voice is booming. Several patrons look at her. Greasy does not care. She’s well past her sixties and it’s her motto that she should live each day as if it was her last. 

In walks Effie, Annie, and Foxface, and they all say, “Hello,” in unison. 

The book of the month is actually a YA fiction called, The Fault in Our Stars, about teens with a terminal illness. I cried when Gus...I tear up once more...at the memory. But I know we aren’t going to discuss Hazel’s predicament with her parents. 

“So,” Delly says, bouncing in her chair.

I can’t help but grimace.

“How did it go?” Foxface says. She has an accent, but I can’t place it. 

“He looked like he belonged on one of those erotic books Johanna loves to read,” Greasy says, grabbing a cheese bun.

She’s not wrong. Gloss was a blond adonis, with slate blue eyes. And abs that have a flipping twelve pack, I ought to know, I counted them. The words are out of my mouth before I am aware of what I am saying.  “He really does with a twelve pack,” I say drinking my tea.

“Did you say twelve pack?” Johanna sat up. 

My eyes widen. 

“Wait, why are you blushing Katniss?” Foxface narrows her eyes.

“Did you and he…” Annie trails off. Her doe eyes are wide. 

“Did you have your first sleepover?” Effie leaned in. 

“Or did you dry hump him like a horny-toad dog?” Greasy’s voice bounces in the bakery.

Peeta’s pauses , wiping down the counter and looks directly at me. 

“NO!” My voice sounds half strangled.

Jo and Delly exchange a look. “Peeta,” Delly calls him over. 

Oh, no, no, no, I say to myself, eyeing how quickly I can get from the back corner to the exit. It is one thing to tell the squad, it is another to have Peeta know. I think I can sprint around the chairs and clear the table near the door like an olympic hurdle jumper. 

Peet walks over. “Hey Dells, can I get you ladies anything?”

“Katniss was going to regale us with her latest date,” Delly says.

“She’s going to tell us how she knows her date has Thor’s body.” 

“You’re dating?” Peeta asks, looking at me intently.

He doesn’t know I am dating or rather, being raked through hot coals.

“Oh,” Foxface chortles. “She’s dating.”

“Remember the guy who was texting with his mother during the entire date,” Effie said.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Mags saids grinning.

“Only the part when he had Katniss talk to her, and it turned out she was psychoanalyzing her to make sure she wasn’t an ax murderer,” Annie said laughing.

“Or what about the guy who kept on mentioning his ex and cried through the crème brûlée,” Greasy slaps her knee, laughing.

I can’t help but laugh. 

“Man, those are pretty bad,” Peeta says.

I hold up my finger. “No, those are tame.”

“Tame?” His blue eyes are sparkling. “You mean there are worse dates?”

Delly snorts. “Oh there are worse. I am so glad I am out of the dating pool.”  

“Yeah, Gale just loves you,” Annie sighs. 

Delly and Gale met when I joined the book club. And while I floundered, they fell in love and now Delly was pregnant.  

My eyes shift to Annie. “It’s so much easier when you fall in love.”

“Oh?” I say.

“I met someone,” Annie says softly. “He wants to meet all of us.”

I wonder what type of guy would date quiet, shy, introverted Annie who sometimes says things that remind me of that song from those Freddy movies from the 80’s. I shake my head.  Then I narrow my eyes. “Bring him to the next session,” I hear myself say. I want to meet this man, and make sure he will take care of my friend. 

“Really.” Annie clasps her hands.

I nod, but I notice Peeta is looking at me with this strange gleam in his eyes.  “Ah...yeah.” My voice sounds breathy. I frown, wondering why the heck I sound like one of those girls. You know the ones that always appear in the music videos washing cars and dancing on super yachts. Darius was fascinated by those girls, heck, his new girlfriend looks like one of those girls.

The women are chatting with Annie about the new guy in her life.  

“We'll discuss Annie’s beau later,” Mags holds her hand in the air. “I want to hear about Katniss’ date.” Her white hair spills over her shoulder as she fixes me with a look. “So tell us, how do you know Thor has a twelve pack?”

Somehow or another I knew the scrutiny on Annie would be short lived. My time to shine would come, but when I open my mouth to speak I can see a conspiratorial glance between Mags and Annie. And it hits me that they chose this man, because he looked like Thor. I scowl at the women who set me up on this one. Mags and Annie both have a pink tinge to their faces. I would have expected this from Jo or Greasy, but Mags and Annie, well it’s INCONCEIVABLE! 

I begin to speak. “He asked me to meet him at the edge of town, near route twelve.”

“Isn't that where Ripper’s place is?” Effie questioned, and she couldn’t hide her revulsion. 

“Yup,” I said, popping the ‘P’, thinking of the bar that disguised itself as an eatery. It was a seedy diner with cracked linoleum floors, yellowing formica, booths that had patches, blinking lights, and rickety chairs. 

“That’s where he asked you to meet him?” Mag’s sounds outraged. “That place is…is-”

“- a bedhaven for unsavory characters,” Foxface finishes. 

“You're brainless,” Jo mutters darkly. "Ripper's isn't the type of place you can go to Katniss. You should have called me."

As protective as I am about my friends, so is Jo. She's tough on the outside but has a really soft center. It's what makes her a perfect shark in the courtroom. Not that Darius was a jerk during our divorce. He actually wasn't. Johanna was present at the restaurant where he announced he wanted a divorce. Johanna later said it was my face, the vulnerability I tried to hide was why she took my divorce pro-bono. 

“I drove and brought my bottle of mace.” I know what everyone was thinking. The area in town where Ripper’s is located at, made the bad side of town look like a tourist destination. I didn't mind meeting my date there. I was looking forward to a basket of fries. Ripper's had amazing beer-battered fries. 

I've been to Ripper's once. I was with Gale and Thom who needed to score fake IDs. I ordered the fries, since I wasn't there for an ill gotten identification. But let me tell you, those fries. Oh! Holy mother of fries, no other fries can compare. 

Shivers!

I love food; it's why I'm a food critic now. What's so funny is that it was those fries that began my career as Buttercup, the elusive food critic. Back then I was Buttercup, the fussy eater. I blogged about them, no, I lavished them with love. I love my job. I can go into any restaurant, order anything on the menu, blog about it and get paid handsomely. And, most importantly, I can do it anonymously. Not even Darius knew I was Buttercup. He thought I was a boring housewife. Getting back to the fries, I wasn’t deterred from getting my fries.

“So then what happened?” Annie asked.

“He was there waiting for me. He stood up and smiled. And he's massive-"

"Just like a book cover," Foxface mutters.

 "He said his name wasn't Anthony, it’s Gloss.”

“Gloss?” Everyone said at the same time.

“Yup.” I sighed. “It was a sign. I should've left." Damn those fries! 

“So Gloss…" Peeta's sparkling eyes are on mine, his are an amazing hue of blue, like the indigo milk cap mushrooms. "Looks like Thor."  He frowns. "Thor with the long hair or short?"

"Long." The women around me answered as one.

Peeta turned those gorgeous eyes back to me.

Thor isn’t my cup of tea. I shrugged to show my indifference. "Gloss was sporting the Ragnarok look, short hair with facial hair."

 I swear I watch Peeta mouth, "short hair."

"Anyway, we sat at a booth. It was packed, actually." That should've been clue number two. Men at a joint like Ripper's at 8:30 on a Friday night, it was by the highway, plausible. But packed with just as many women. "The waitress who took our drink order could barely hear me."

"Was he nice?" Annie asks.

"He was sweet." Truthfully Gloss was a sweet guy.  He talked about his mother in a positive way, even if she gave him the name that was another descriptor for shiny objects. "He was attentive too. He told me his mother worked in the makeup industry. "

"That doesn't sound too awful," Delly says.

"He sounds delightful." Mags pushes her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose.  The gang is getting tired of the story and I hope they will move on to the reason we are  gathered, discussing the book we were reading. I begin to reach into my backpack because I really hate purses.

"If he's so delightful, why did he ask you to meet him at Ripper's?" Johanna says in her cross examination voice.

I wince as I take out my book.

"Yes, you must explain." Foxface demands.

"It's not nice to leave us dangling." Effie levels a look at me that has me squirming, feeling like I was being summoned into the principal's office. 

"I wanna know how you know Gloss has a twelve pack," Greasy says.

Peeta looks at me expectantly. 

Anndddd were back. I sigh. Will he run for the hills when I tell him? Most likely.

"We were talking about dancing.” My voice loses all it’s warmth. “I don't dance."

This causes a rumble of laughter and giggles amongst the women. Peeta looks confused. Finally Delly wipes the tears from her face and gasps, “You should never dance. Ever!” 

"That poor man’s toes,” Mags says, her shoulders shaking.

“Do I need to know?” Peeta looks between them. 

“I don’t dance!” I growl. The group erupts into another bout of laughter. 

“It was a scheme, a dirty underhanded scheme,” Effie says. 

The guy I was supposed to date was a dance instructor. He used the dating app as a way to drum up business. When the women meet him, he pairs them with guys who were there for a lesson. He paired me with a poor man named Harry. My nerves got the better of me, because I don’t like to be touched. Harry’s hands were sweaty. Harry tried to dip me as per my date’s instructions. I tripped, and in the process his toes were crushed, and I ended up with a sprained ankle. 

When I arrived in crutches to the next book club, well, that was one of those dates that simmers at the surface vying to be in the top three. 

“Gloss didn’t believe me. He said anyone can dance. I told him no, and explained that there are people who are predisposed to fly in airplanes, and some who get motion sickness in a car. “

“What happened next?” Foxface asks, moving to the edge of her chair.

“He went to the jukebox.”

“Oh no,” Johanna mutters. “Did he end up in the hospital?” 

“Is that how you know he’s got a twelve pack?” Greasy questions. The ladies, and Peeta are all staring at me. 

I shake my head. Why couldn’t there be a rush of customers right now? It is calm and I know the odds are against me. 

“Spill it!” Johanna demands. 

“Well, he queued up a song and waited a beat, and then Lenny’s Kravits’ American Woman started blaring. Gloss started sauntering and spun and did the splits on the floor. Next thing I know, the women in the place go nuts. They surround him, like a rabid pack of wild dogs.”

“Wait, what!” Delly exclaims her pale eyes bright, she grips the book in her hand. 

“That doesn’t happen,” Peeta says.

“It does to her,” Foxface said, her eyes shining with ferocity, like the eyes of those women at Rippers.

“Shut it blondie,” Johanna orders. 

“Yeah,” Annie says.

Taking a deep breath I continue. “He started dancing...hips…” my brain flashing to his hips gyrating. “...jutting out and…”

“Ohhhhh yeah,” Greasy cackles.

“Gyrating, his hips gyrating,” Foxface gasps.

With eyes closed I nod. “His hips were doing that all over the place. He then jumped on the table and proceeded to rip off his shirt. He shouted my name and told me his next move was his favorite. He spun onto his knees and slid up in my face before dropping his drawers.” I lower my eyes. 

“What,” Delly squeaked. “His pants?”

“It’s like Magic Mike,” Mags whispers.

I know the movie Mag’s is referring to. I’ve never seen it. “Yes.” 

“Was he naked-” Foxface began.

“-or was he wearing-” Annie cut Foxface off only to be cut off herself. 

“A G-String!” Greasy shouted excited.

I shook my head no. He wasn’t wearing anything, I can feel the heat burning my ears.

“Well don’t stop! What happened next!” Even Effie has lost her sense of propriety. 

“As I looked for an escape. It’s then I noticed  the poster on the wall, for the Slag Heap.” I pause and sigh, “Men’s Magic Friday Night Extravaganza, and Gloss was the headliner. I realized he’s a stripper.” 

And the place erupts in laughter. 

“What did you do?” Peeta asks.

My eyes connect with his.

“I slunk down to the floor and crawled my way out...drove to the hospital and made my sister administer a tetanus shot.”

 “Can I have his number?” Johanna says laughing but her eyes are dead serious. 

Peeta is smiling at me and I grab a cheese bun because they are as delicious as the man staring at me. 

Eventually we do get to the book, and it’s a pretty good discussion. Peeta let us stay until closing. Mags and Greasy are the last of the ladies to leave. It’s just me and Peeta since he let the staff go home. I’m loitering because I feel like I need to explain to Peeta why I let the ladies talk me into dating. 

I’m putting up the chairs on the tables when Peeta comes out. 

“You’re still here?”

“Yeah.” I look down at my feet.

“Katniss.”

“Peeta.” We both say at the same time, followed by a nervous chuckle.

“You first,” Peeta insists, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Dating wasn’t my idea.”

“It wasn't?” He raised an eyebrow.

I shake my head. 

“So what happened?”

“The ladies, they got me a year long subscription for my birthday, and knowing I wouldn’t go through with it, they choose who I date...until I find someone,” I can feel the heat rising from my neck and reaching my cheeks, “I like.”

“Really?”

I nod, incapable of speaking.  I cannot stop watching the way he blinks, those darned translucent lashes that never tangle. 

“Dating is pretty brutal.”

“Yeah,” I snort because dating is horrible. 

“My family is constantly setting me up. I went out with a girl who sang through the entire meal. She chose the pasta and sang On Top of Spaghetti.”

“What?” I laugh.

“That was my dad’s doing. My mom’s choice was a lot scarier. She made me do an obstacle course and made me do it three times until I beat the time she wanted me to reach.”

“Wow.”

“I was dressed in dress slacks, a nice shirt, and a tie.” He deadpans, “I even had on dress shoes.”

“I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he shrugs. 

I couldn't help but smile. 

“Dating sucks until you find someone who makes you laugh, someone who makes dancing easy.”

He approaches or maybe it’s my own feet that carry me to him. But it doesn’t matter because when his arm slides along my waist, and the other cradles my hand, I have no fears. There is something familiar with him as I dance with him. A slow shuffle, that has the room spinning but none of it matters because I feel at home.

“Will you dance with me Katniss?” His voice rumbles in my ear and my heart is pounding in my chest.

His scent is a warm heady mixture of spices, dill, vanilla, and cinnamon. 

“Would you go out with me Katniss?”

“Yes,” I answer, and just like that my dating profile goes up in flames. Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially off the market.

[florbelles]

lyra and john for the ship ask?

thank you lovely! 💕

GENERAL

rate the ship awful | ew | no pics pls | i’m not comfortable | alright | i like it! | got pics? | let’s do it! | why is this not getting more attention?! | the otp to rule all other otps

how long will they last? as long as some part of either of them exists tbh

how quickly did/will they fall in love? when i say they have no chill and lyra moved into the ranch after living in hope county for two weeks i mean it

how was their first kiss? john’s nose bled, next question

WEDDING

who proposed? technically john. sort of. ( i’m sorry for this long answer but i haven’t really discussed it so ) lyra had already joined the project, lived with john, begun her training with jacob, and had taken up the rudimentary form of what would eventually become her role as the judge. it had only been a few months, but joseph believed he recognized her from his visions and wanted to bring her into the family Officially; at this point john and lyra were already 100% in it and he was straight up like if she’s going to become a seed it’s going to be through me, because, well, john. lyra just looked at him when he came to her with it and said “what of it? are you not my husband? am i not your wife?” and that was that; lyra doesn’t live by half-measures, she was married in every way that mattered to her the second she stepped across that threshold with her bags. ( well. shaggy carried the bags. but you get it. )

who is the best man/men? no one, but if you listened carefully you could hear shaggy sobbing outside the church. is he happy for them or crushed by the revelation he’s really stuck with both of them forever now? who can say!

who is the bride’s maid(s)? no one; faith was Not pleased when she heard lyra had gone and married her brother without telling her ( but it would have been her, if they’d had attendees. )

who did the most planning? there wasn’t much, but john ( and joseph, i suppose, since he officiated. )

who stressed the most? the only one who had any amount of stress was john.

how fancy was the ceremony? back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 ( i’ve been informed inflation adjustment was necessary by virtue of lyra’s aura ) | 4 | normal church wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

who was specifically not invited to the wedding? everyone, with the exception of joseph by necessity; while the significance of the two most extra drama fiends to ever step into the valley having the most understated ceremony in existence could be elaborated on with sentimentality — they can come as they are with each other, etc etc — it was partly a tactical move; lyra couldn’t fairly well maintain her cover with the locals if she publicly married john seed in an elaborate ceremony. they intend to have one officially in the new eden with all of the family and faithful; they never get that chance.

SEX

who is on top? either/or tbh

who is the one to instigate things? either/or

how healthy is their sex life? barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they are humping each other on the couch right now

how kinky are they? straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head ( no horse head necessary in the sex dungeon. just kidding. they don’t have a sex dungeon they just hook up in the normal torture one )

how long do they normally last? before everything went to hell, as long as they want ( rip, get the ice packs ); after the reaping begins, as long as they have

do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? okay listen i’m going to be brutally honest, they fuck a lot, they’re not counting but they’re not complaining

how rough are they in bed? softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | the bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make dwayne johnson blush. also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. ( their walls are premium )

how much cuddling/snuggling do they do? no touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | a little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. ( lyra is actually the biggest offender but she blames his needy ass. also if she knows you know this she’ll commit homicide. this is not hyperbole )

CHILDREN

how many children will they have naturally? none. ( in aus they do; one in the cult wins verse because lyra’s iud expired but she was not willing to sacrifice her sex life, and fairbrookseed have three; the twins via wes and a younger son via john. )

how many children will they adopt? three at the beginning of the reaping — boomer, peaches & cheeseburger. ( john unwilling. )

who gets stuck with the most diapers? not applicable, but hypothetically shaggy

who is the stricter parent? it would have been john

who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? it would have been john; lyra would have taught them the dangerous stunts they’re doing after school

who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? it would have been shaggy

who is the more loved parent? the furbabies love lyra more. obviously.

who is more likely to attend the pta meetings? it wOULD HAVE BEEN JOHN

who cried the most at graduation? same answer; lyra would have waited until they got home and then cried in the shower for an hour

who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? either/both, but in practice probably john

COOKING

who does the most cooking? neither/shaggy; lyra if you count her Attempts when she staggers in at 3am after hunting sinners or gathering intel at the spread eagle

who is the most picky in their food choice? john; lyra behaves like she is but in fact thinks it will be a shame when casey’s non-testicle related recipes are lost when he burns in the collapse

who does the grocery shopping? neither; lyra’s the most likely to bring things back from town, but it’s usually liquor she swiped from the bar ( so that mary may can’t sell it, of course! )

how often do they bake desserts? they don’t bake

are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? whatever shaggy puts in front of them; it’s probably meat and it’s probably unfortunate

who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? john, but he’s only responsible for the theatrics; everything was 100% still prepared by the flock

who is more likely to suggest going out? for the truly exceptional hope county cuisine, served in businesses they definitely didn’t try to get shut down, in which they are most definitely both still welcome and could appear together without blowing her cover and/or getting shot on sight? neither. in a “let’s physically go out by the fire pit” sense, lyra.

who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? honestly, both of them, because in the event they were cooking one of them probably decided to be distracting~ while they waited~ and oh no they forgot about it oh no everything’s on fire oh no shaggy put it out oh no shaggy how could you let this happen

CHORES

who cleans the room? shaggy

who is really against chores? both to an extent, but especially lyra

who cleans up after the pets? neither, but since john philosophically opposes their presence in the first place and tries to ship them off to jacob every tuesday, it sure as hell ain’t him

who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? if, inexplicably, they’re sweeping, it’s lyra, both proverbially and literally

who stresses the most when guests are coming over? if the guest is joseph ( or even jacob ), JOHN. otherwise they’re unconcerned.

who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? a dollar? one (1) dollar? john keeps literal stacks of thousands of dollars in cash just sitting around. the answer is hopefully not the resistance.

MISC

who takes the longer showers/baths? john ( but lyra usually joins. )

who takes the dog out for a walk? shaggy, boomer has almost taken his leg off on fifty separate occasions. ( it’s lyra. )

how often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? canonically they never have the opportunity, really, but lyra probably would have decorated for the winter holidays. some mistletoe on the antlers, a garland on that sinner corpse hanging out by the porch. beautiful.

what are their goals for the relationship? to make it to new eden, tbh. they found unconditional love in each other when that was an impossibility for them for most of their lives; they just want to keep what they have and prove themselves worthy.

who is most likely to sleep till noon? JOHN. lyra’s up before dawn every day ( and drags him out of bed to watch the sunrise with her; he’s very excited for the apocalypse. )

who plays the most pranks? pranks? lyra, but not the funny sort, it’s like...whoops, sorry, i forgot to mention i was roasting sinners out back, the grounds will smell like burning flesh for a bit! did you bring home any flayed skin today? <3 ( i jest, it’s more to the effect of “the sinners were terribly dull today so to amuse myself i told them i heard rumors about the judge and the reason they didn’t know you had a wife is because you kept her locked in a sex dungeon. also, adelaide wants you to spank her. how went the confessions?” )

[fandomplethora]

(ummm, i’m not sure what inspired to make this post (besides the fact that i have been listening to this artist on a near constant basis now) but here we go anyways;;;)

MYSTIC MESSENGER CHARACTERS AS HOBO JOHNSON SONGS

Hyun (Zen) - 3% 

“you should go and quit your job and make all of those dreams come true. how is your self esteem? huh? that's important in what you're about to do. don't talk to your friends, their opinions hold so much weight. and that doesn't make sense. even your family, parents just don't understand. make the time. drop school, and people, and work to play music all night. you'll make a dollar an hour, at least you'll like your life. and roll with the punches even when it feels like you're getting fucking jumped but you're a real bad judge of it. hold on tight, boy. might be a fuckin', hell of a ride. but, but, but, they said it's a three-percent chance...that I'm gonna make it. that's a little bit less than what it is in my mind but it's ok, I think I can take it. they said it's a three-percent, my friends, that's what they said. and then I sat there and thought about it and almost believed it for a sec. but I think that they'll love me.”

Yoosung - Mario and Link

“mario's never getting some and link's never getting some, so why would princesses love me? i'm not really making moves, I'm just kinda breathing. i work at fucking pizza places just so I keep eating. (that's the type of shit)...thats the type of shit to make be buy a flask for 25 and fill it up with takka vodka only 4.99...yester-year yes-sir-please let me get the recipe, to not being broke. fuck I'd really love to be a king, but mario and link should've showed that perseverance is not the end all to everything. the princess in the hallway with a robe, I asked "do you for coffee and scones and she says "no!". but I just killed a fucking dragon though! with this sword that I made from the words of my soul. I just killed a fucking dragon though, I just killed a fucking dragon though. but its whatever I don't even care that much.”

Jaehee - Peach Scone

“...disregard every time I call you pretty. though it's meant sincerely it's just my imagination drifting...so I fall to ground, collect myself and get ready to take over your heart...or at least your spare time. and I love the thought of being with you. or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone. the second one's way sadder than the first one...we should go get a cup of coffee...I don't know what to tell you if I try to confess my love for- scones! i just wanna tell you real quick please, shh, I love- these scones! ...but she, you know, she is just so sweet and she cared about me a lot when no one else cared about me and I think that's really nice. really you know, she's just a, she's just a peach. she's a peach scone. and I love the thought of being with her, I just really hope that she doesn't get hurt.”

Jumin - Father

“my dad taught me 'bout the story 'bout the birds and the bees. when the bees turn into wasps and take half of everything. he sounded sure, that a bird doesn't need a full nest but a bed for our bird heads to rest...he told me son, beware, of the monsters that roam the depths of your head. sometimes they'll make you real sad or or real real mad, or real real jealous and that's real real bad. boy, breathe...my father's married to a shape shifting monster who can sometimes take the form of a really really really nice woman. and although it seems super fucking frightening, sometimes this scary monster makes a really really great vanilla pudding. he has courage but sometimes your courage isn't quite the kryptonite as the monster runs rampant through the house. sometimes your courage makes you feel strong but it seems as if the monster eats your muscles all along, fucking pickin' out your self-respect right out its scary teeth. her breath smells like pride of self and other men she used to meet. and the monster doesn't sleep - just schemes and fiends on the next tasty meal it gets to eat, it gets to eat.” 

Saeyoung (Luciel) (707) (Seven) - The Ending

“she said, "you're like the weird...guy...in all the movies, who turns into the hero at the end and gets the girl" and I was like, "shut your mouth". but I'm gonna take over...the world as soon as everybody dies. i'm gonna take over your heart as soon as I get the balls to try. Ima re-arrange the alphabet and then take "U" and "I" and put a bit of space between 'em and hope that nobody cries. ...Ima be a nice guy might fuck around, it make a difference. Ima hope for the best, but prepare for the worst...I hope that you don't fall into their schemes and what they say, when you look them in their eyes, that they don't choose to look away...I hope that you don't fall into my schemes or what I say. when you look me in the eye, I'll look you dead into the face 'cause you don't deserve to be fucked with unless you're a fucking asshole...yeah, I ain't shit I ain't shit compared to them, right? I ain't shit. and I know she wants a piece of this wit (no!) and I know she wants a piece of this wit. my wit, my wit, my wit...” 

Jihyun (V) - Romeo and Juliet

“we're just romeo & juliet but getting drunk and eating percocets. but just to ease the stress but soft what light, thru yonder window breaks it is the east - but juliet just puked off the balcony. how romantic. nothing like getting drunk and getting manic on a motherfucking monday, i brush the bangs behind her lovely little ear as she describes in detail how the end is truly near. wow, and I'm sure that we can do this for forever or until we drink the poison, 'cause she sees some cloudy weather. ...dear shakespeare, could you write a happy ending please? we just deserve a happy ending please, please. ...and every sting from every teardrop from every ring at every pawn shop. ...but dear mom, conversations from a couch haven't ever felt the same...my mom was made from adam's rib and the marriage went south...but dad loves to shout really loud. loud enough to knock the lamps and dressers to the ground. in my memory, i can hear chopin's nocturnes playing in the background, a slow trainwreck, you'll close your eyes, but forever hear the sound, and boy, it's tough. ‘cause that’s the sound of people falling out of love.” 

Saeran (Unknown) (Ray) - Jesus Christ

“jesus christ seems super nice, i wonder if he'd save me. i've been on the wrong side of a bunch of arguments lately. and jesus christ seems super nice, i wonder if he'd love me. how come I only wonder when I'm sad or really hungry? jesus christ, you're super nice but don't expect much from me. I would kneel down, but I'm afraid that I would just feel nothing. praise god and other things that don't make sense to puny minds, like ours, designing roller coasters that almost always seem to fall apart. ain't it fun, ain't it fun, ain't it fun knowing that. that one day, you know, I fly to the sky, to the sun? and jesus christ, you're super nice. so I'll write a song about it. or that no one ever knowing for always claiming they're about it. press "ignore" on both sides that always claim to know that they're so sure. or just not be a giant fucking prick and enjoy the show. I'll enjoy the show if I'm not a giant prick, does that just mean that I am saved? jesus christ, you're super nice, i'm sure that you could love me. even if I don't go to church every sunday. jesus christ, you're super nice, how could you let me burn? if I'm not murdering people, then smashing their fucking urn. but jesus christ, you're super nice, how could you let me burn? but if I go to hell, I'll grit my teeth and get to work.” 

? (Vanderwood) - Demarcus Cousins and Ashley *note: this one was more difficult because we are not shown much of vanderwood currently in the game though i do consider him a pivotal character - and one i want to get to know more as a player. we know vanderwood is a caring guy who can be rough around the edges - he’s also funny, awkward and, personally, charming. so, i look at this as him relating how he does care for those around him while comparing it to other shit he has seen. okay, analysis done. bye.

“I'm not a nice guy (he's not a nice guy). I go to jail sometimes (he goes to jail sometimes). but I am slowly getting better ever since a little lady wrote me such a lovely letter. I love breathing...I love drinking, but not enough to ever have to go to all those stupid meetings (let’s go)...I- I love you like the dog hates the leash and the leash loves the dog, like I love nothing else at all. love you like my dad loved my mom before they realized they don't love each other at all...I love you like bosses love to talk a lot of shit and like getting really mad when I quit, what? I love you like the bird hates november or just really really rainy windy weather. I love you like america loves to fuck things up and cops love to do things that are super unnecessary...and I love you like the stars love lonely eyes on seven consecutive friday nights.”

Mina (Rika) - Creve Coeur 1 

"hi," says the girl with the right eyes that pairs pretty well when she hits you with the soft smile. you can kinda tell that something's going on, but she's like a skrillex song that never drops, she'll never talk. she'll never talk about the feelings that she felt today. better kept inside of a fence, inside of a cage, inside of a safe. that's safe for her 'cause they just hurt. and she don't know why that god sauntered. I hope he's trying. she said, "I hope he's trying. do you think he's trying?" then I said, "I don't know" but I asked her, "what’s wrong?" she just nods her head. and then I asked her, "what's wrong?" and she said...hold me closely. I don't think you should love me. I always feel so lonely knowing that nothing will ever last forever. sorry, you're much too late, much too late. ("you are so late")...she holds her breath all day and fucking gasps for air at night. she promised she would love me but only 'til the morning time. sorry, you're, you're much too late. you're much too late, you're much too- sorry, you're much too late- much too..."

MC - ? (MC is more difficult...I almost can find lines from various songs but it came down to these two.)

#2 - Mover Awayer (and it’s mainly for this part only.)

“fear  the man who lives without love and  the lover who lives without fear. fear the man who always wants to fight, he's not a talker. fear  the talker who never wants to fight, he's got no guts. fear the man who knows he's gonna die so he cries every night and just denies his life's beauty. and  fear the man who has heaven in his plans, so he gets so complacent that he doesn't call his family. fear the man who doesn't understand that there's a million fish in the sea, but fear the girl who he really thinks is a different species, she'll rip your heart out. ...makes my Mondays feel like Fridays (give me a break)...makes my Ruby Tuesdays taste like Benihanas (give me a break) and all I've really wanted was for us to get along.”

#1 - Typical Story (I genuinely won’t even put the lyrics for this song because it is more about the theme and feel of the song itself - as MC is the only one “playing” and going through these character’s “stories”. Casual, Deep or Another. So, I will just recommend listening to it and reading the artist’s notes on it for why I picked it as number one for MC’s song.)

[kanasmusings]

[Translation] TsukiPro Yaminabe Drama Track 5 - “Gray Fate”

AH!! I completely forgot to post this translation! I had it in my Word drafts and I was going through them thinking like I was forgetting something orz Anyway, here it is~! You’ll bear witness to doting Papa Kurotsuki Dai in this drama track~! They also talk a lot about destiny www 

The focus is on the managers this time around~! After this will be Arata’s drama tracks and the rest of the Yaminabe Vol. 2 tracks~ 

※ Please don’t re-post the English translations without permission. Please just like/reblog them instead ^^

Under the cut, enjoy~!

Track 05: [灰色の運命] “Gray Fate”

[0:00]

  KUROTSUKI: (sighs) My oshis, Procella, were super cute and cool today, too~!

HAIDUKI: I won’t deny that they were but, are you alright in the head?

KANADE: (nervous chuckle) Haiduki, your real thoughts are coming out.

KUROTSUKI: Hey, you guys!

HAIDUKI: (laughs) I was just kidding!

KUROTSUKI: Geez, this is my happy time admiring the unit I’m in charge of, you know?

KUROTSUKI: Don’t make fun of me for it.

KUROTSUKI: I mean, look! Look, Haiduki! Look at this magazine that was sold today~!

(Kurotsuki waves a magazine in front of Haiduki)

KUROTSUKI: It started with a poster but now, the special feature for them is 26 pages!

KUROTSUKI: There’s multiple pages for each of them~!

HAIDUKI: Oh~? Isn’t that amazing?

KUROTSUKI: Man, for real~!! When I think of how the little baby birds I was raising then would be given a special feature like this, I~

KUROTSUKI: (sighs dreamily) It makes me reminisce~

HAIDUKI: (quietly) It’s not like… I’m jealous or anything.

KANADE: (chuckles before whispering to Haiduki) I’m so sorry about Kurotsuki being so lively, Haiduki.

HAIDUKI: Ah, no, it’s okay!

KANADE: I think that’s a coping mechanism for him.

HAIDUKI: Coping…?

KANADE: Hm… It seems like his mother back home kept grinding him about when he’ll get married or if he already has a girlfriend and all that.

HAIDUKI: Ah, I see now. Kurotsuki-san’s mother does send matchmaking pictures to the agency.

HAIDUKI: I’m pretty sure she really wants him to get married. That mountain of files on Kurotsuki-san’s desk…

HAIDUKI: Weren’t they all matchmaking pictures?

KANADE: Hm… I have met his mother and greeted her but normally, she’s a very kind and compassionate woman.

KANADE: But, lately… There have been people bragging about their grandchildren in their neighbourhood so… You know…?

HAIDUKI: Hm, I understand the situation now. People marry early in local areas like that and it’s like marriage is an absolute must-do thing, huh?

HAIDUKI: Kurotsuki-san’s hometown is in Aomori, isn’t it?

KANADE: Yeah, and so…

KUROTSUKI: Ah~! This cut is so cool! Maybe I’ll take it with me and decorate my room with it~

KUROTSUKI: This is what they call a manager’s privilege, right~? AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

KANADE: His super doting “I love my children~” is worse than normal…

HAIDUKI: Isn’t that just called “running away from reality”?

KANADE: (chuckles) I won’t correct you there.

[02:33]

  HAIDUKI: Kurotsuki-san, who’s my senpai as a manager, and is seven years older than I am is—

HAIDUKI: His former job was an SP, a bodyguard in the Metropolitan Police Department’s special defences department.

HAIDUKI: He was a policeman in charge of protecting important people, in other words.

HAIDUKI: That man who has a strange history of professions, stands taller than me even though I’m already 180 cm tall.

HAIDUKI: He’s a good man with a good build.

HAIDUKI: Since he is often in shot on camera with those important people, it seems like he worked on having a manly build fitting for an SP. He’s pretty smart, too.

HAIDUKI: And yet these past years, not only does he have no girlfriend but he doesn’t seem to be interested at all.

HAIDUKI: And because of his mother’s fretting, his desk has slowly become a stockpile of matchmaking session pictures.

HAIDUKI: Normally, it’s one’s own decision if they want to get married or not. I think it’s no big deal if one chooses not to get married but…

HAIDUKI: It’s undeniable that his “papa tendencies” towards the unit he’s in charge of has increased since he passed 30 years old.

HAIDUKI: Before, we joked about calling our units our “kids” but lately, he’s been taking it so seriously…

(Haiduki starts remembering what Kurotsuki once told him)

KUROTSUKI: My kids are so cute…!

HAIDUKI: (sighs) Honestly, it’s a bit scary…

HAIDUKI: Of course, since he’s a capable manager, he never excessively dotes on his unit when they’re on set.

HAIDUKI: But, when he’s talking about them, it’s like he’s a different person and his eyes shine so proudly.

HAIDUKI: Excited and sparkling eyes, really.

HAIDUKI: And I slightly, just slightly, understand why his mother, who probably wants to do the same thing, would want to tell him to hurry up and get married so he can have his own kids.

[04:45]

  KUROTSUKI: Shun’s as carefree as usual and the photographer had a bit of trouble giving instructions to him but, it’s because of his very playful heart that they could come up with something like this! Isn’t that amazing~?!

KUROTSUKI: Look, look! They look so amazing~! They’re works of art, right~??

KUROTSUKI: Man, it’s cute, huh~? It’s troubling, isn’t it~? My kids are so cute and so cool!

HAIDUKI: Please calm down, Father.

KUROTSUKI: As if I can! It’s my children’s best looks yet, got it?

HAIDUKI: It’s not rare for Procella to get featured in magazines, you know?

KUROTSUKI: You don’t understand! You just can’t, Haiduki!

KUROTSUKI: No matter how small an article it is or no matter how small the picture is, every page of my kids’ best looks are important!

HAIDUKI: Yes, yes. I understand that it’s special but please, arrange the papers on your desk. Some of them are spilling over to my desk.

HAIDUKI: I’ll throw them away if you don’t.

(Kurotsuki panics and stands up quickly from his chair)

KUROTSUKI: AHHH!!! YOU GLASSES-WEARING FIEND!

HAIDUKI: Glasses-wearing fiend?!

KANADE: Please let him off the hook, Haiduki. I said this a while ago but Kurotsuki’s been tired lately.

KANADE: He got a very long call from his mother right after he came back from a location shoot.

KANADE: It seemed like they talked for three hours about why he won’t go to a matchmaking session.

KANADE: He’s a bachelor who just wants to escape from reality.

HAIDUKI: I guess you’re right~

HAIDUKI: But really? For three hours? That’s kinda like a long movie already, huh?

KUROTSUKI: Don’t say it! Don’t make me remember! I’m in the middle of doting on my cute children!

HAIDUKI: Eh…? Kurotsuki-san… Aren’t you being teary-eyed…?

KUROTSUKI: I’m not crying! Even though I want to…!

HAIDUKI: (nervous chuckle) There, there. The people of the Kurotsuki Household are passionate in a lot of ways, huh?

HAIDUKI: Their love is deep or rather… Heavy, I should say…?

KUROTSUKI: Don’t say it! I’ve started thinking that, too…

KANADE: (chuckles) Kurotsuki, how about trying to go to one matchmaking session at least?

KUROTSUKI: Impossible!

KANADE: Why? If you go to one, won’t your mom feel at ease for a bit? You might get to meet someone great, you know?

KANADE: Maybe they’ll be your “destined person” or something similar~

HAIDUKI: Destiny? Kurotsuki-san, you were wishing to meet your soulmate?

KUROTSUKI: Sh-shut up! It’s not bad to wish, right? In any case, a matchmaking session is a no-go!

KANADE: It’s okay! We’re not telling you to abandon those feelings. We’re just saying to try a matchmaking session once in a while.

KANADE: Your destiny and romance might be waiting beyond, you know~?

KUROTSUKI: If I say it’s impossible then, it’s impossible!

KANADE: (laughs) You’re so hard to convince, huh? I don’t think it’s something you should reject strongly though.

HAIDUKI: He’s right, Kurotsuki-san. Don’t say that love can’t happen in a matchmaking session.

HAIDUKI: It’s a great way to meet, too, after all.

HAIDUKI: How about entertaining your mom’s wishes once in a while instead of just focusing on work?

KANADE: Yeah. My parents got married via matchmaking session, too. They get along very well even now.

KUROTSUKI: EH?!

HAIDUKI: (suddenly standing up) Is that true?!

KANADE: Yeah, it is.

KUROTSUKI/HAIDUKI: I can imagine…

KANADE: E-eh…? Is it even common to have parents who got married via a matchmaking session?

HAIDUKI: Ah, no, somehow… It’s the atmosphere…?

KUROTSUKI: You might think this laughable but…

HAIDUKI: Hm?

KUROTSUKI: I think this is fate, too.

KANADE: “This” being?

KUROTSUKI: My meeting with Procella.

KUROTSUKI: It might not be with a “soulmate” and all but, I think that this is destiny, too.

KUROTSUKI: I mean, even though it’s not love or if we’re not related, to be able to think “I want to treasure them!” or “I want to support them!”… I think it’s kind of like fate, too.

KUROTSUKI: No, it’s destiny without a doubt.

KANADE: Kurotsuki…

HAIDUKI: Kurotsuki-san…

KUROTSUKI: That’s why… I want to spend more time with this “destiny” of mine. Just to see how far I can go with them, you know?

HAIDUKI/KANADE: (smiles)

KANADE: Kurotsuki…

HAIDUKI: Kurotsuki-san.

HAIDUKI/KANADE: Your love is too heavy.

KUROTSUKI: WHAT?! That’s how you react?! This is where you’re supposed to be moved since you’re both managers, too!

KUROTSUKI: Listen, you guys! As a manager—

(Kurotsuki knocks the coffee on his desk and it spills on his papers)

KUROTSUKI: AH!

(Things continue to get knocked off his desk)

KUROTSUKI: AHHHHHH!!!!!!

HAIDUKI: W-wait, Kurotsuki-san!

KANADE: Ahhh, go get some tissues!

KUROTSUKI: My precious magazine!!!

(Kurotsuki begins sobbing loudly)

KANADE: This is because you were getting too wild.

HAIDUKI: I told you to not— Just hurry and bring some tissues, come on!

(Their voices fade out)

[09:34]

  HAIDUKI: Hm… Destiny, huh…

SHIKI: Haiduki, is something wrong?

HAIDUKI: Ah. (chuckles) Just a little something.

SHIKI: Hm? Ah, what is it?

HAIDUKI: Oh, it’s nothing. I was just thinking about how you have the eyes of a music idiot. (smiles)

SHIKI: Huh? You’re being rude all of a sudden.

HAIDUKI: (laughs)

HAIDUKI: Those narrow and straightforward eyes are definitely the eyes of a music idiot.

HAIDUKI: They look dull but they’re very sharp and yet sometimes, it’s the opposite.

HAIDUKI: He’s a music idiot and a work-a-holic to boot. He was my co-worker before but now, he’s the leader of the unit I’m in charge of.

HAIDUKI: I think that his simple honesty towards people is really very fun. He’s that kind of guy.

HAIDUKI: That kind of guy made a unit and I, under direct orders of the President, became their manager.

HAIDUKI: They’re all very unique on their own but, unlike me, they’re kinda like me when it comes to not bearing any ill will at all.

HAIDUKI: They’re all beautiful, they’re smart, and their personalities are… Well, they’re quite honest.

HAIDUKI: No matter what angle you look at it from, it looks like they’re all living the easy life and yet, they’re a unit who was formed because they’re all still somewhat awkward and pure.

HAIDUKI: That’s who SolidS is.

[11:25]

  HAIDUKI: Hey, Shiki. Do you think that “destiny” exists?

SHIKI: Hm? That’s pretty sudden. Did you fall in love at first sight in a bar again?

HAIDUKI: Again, you say. You sure bring up some old stuff. That’s from a pretty long time ago, isn’t it?

SHIKI: As if I’d know. You’re a guy who’s fickle and has a lot of love to give after all.

HAIDUKI: What sort of false information is that? I’m unexpectedly wholehearted, you know?

HAIDUKI: So? Shiki, do you believe that destiny exists?

SHIKI: … “Destiny” sounds dramatically romantic but, at the same time, it’s fickle and unreasonable.

SHIKI: That’s why, I don’t overthink too much on the topic of destiny.

SHIKI: Destiny is something you grab with your own power.

SHIKI: Though, I might put something different if it’s for a lyric.

HAIDUKI: (laughs) That answer’s so like you!

SHIKI: I feel like I’m being made fun of if you laugh after I answered but… You’re the one who asked, aren’t you?

HAIDUKI: I’m not making fun of you. I just—I just really felt like laughing after thinking that answer is something you’d definitely say.

SHIKI: Isn’t that normally making fun of someone?

HAIDUKI: There, there~ It means “It’s so like Shii-kun that it’s wonderful~”

SHIKI: Hm. I wonder why I can’t honestly accept it when Fumi-chan says it like that~?

HAIDUKI: You’re so mean~

  HAIDUKI: I don’t know if being with SolidS is my destiny or not.

HAIDUKI: But… I’ll make sure to work my best to make it my own destiny.

HAIDUKI: It’s true that it’s fun providing back-up for them. To someone like me who rarely gets excited over anything, that much is already amazing.

HAIDUKI: It might be enough.

HAIDUKI: I… I put my destiny in my own hands with my own power.

  ==END==

※ Please don’t re-post the English translations without permission. Please just like/reblog them instead ^^

[enigmasalad]

Weddings Are Just Funerals With Cake

(warnings: transphobia, almost an anti-gay slur, swearing and mentions of hailing satan) Patton was getting married today. This was his wedding. There were beautiful decorations in almost every room of the mansion. Everyone was in a busied rush. People gave him congratulations and were so happy for him. So why wasn’t he happy? Simple. Cause not only this was a forced marriage by his parents, he was transgender. Here he was, staring at the person in the mirror. The person he so desperately tried to leave behind. There was no Patton here. Not in his damned parent’s mansion. No, there was only Patricia. And Patricia was staring back at him. His nightmare with pigtail extensions, heavy makeup and a white poofy gown was staring at him. His stupid mother had dressed him herself. She kept commenting how he was “a beautiful bride” and how “this was always her happiest dream”. “I do wish you didn’t get rid of your breasts Patricia. The dress is slipping down.” She said. “Good. And its Patton.” “Shush with that trans crap. You were born a woman and so you shall act like one. No more of this nonsense. Now at least pretend you’re at a wedding and not a funeral.” Patton frowned at his mother. He didn’t like being “rebellious” but he was starting to feel like a brat. He constantly pulled his extensions out. He purposely smudged his makeup. Heck he let the dress fall. However it was no use. His mother put the fake hair back in. The makeup lady came back to reapply the goop. His cousin pushed the dress back in place. Patton refused to cry. He would be strong during this hell. However his lower lip started to tremble. “You look gorgeous dear. Please just do this for us. The man you’re marrying is a smart and wealthy one. He’ll treat you right.” His mother tried to soothe. Patton frowned once more. “He’s not Logan.” His mother sighed and tried once more. She smiled once more and started getting herself  ready.

“I know he looks intimidating, but he had dinner with us a week ago. He’s really a sweetheart.” “He isn’t Virgil.” Now his mother was frowning. However once more she plastered that stupid fake grin on her face. “Have you heard him sing? He sounds like an angel Patricia!” “Roman sings better.” Before his mother could snap at him someone knocked on the door. “Are you ready? The wedding is in five!” someone said. “Yes!” Patton’s mother said. Patton felt his heart beat faster. Nervous sweat was definitely dripping from places. His mother grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. Soon they were at the massive ballroom where his parents used to throw parties when he lived here. The massive dark wood doors were closed. He could hear the 500 people chattering on the inside. On the outside was Patton’s dad. “You look gorgeous Patricia.” He said with a fond grin. Patton glared at him. “I may be a girl in your eyes today, but im Patton. Im a man.” “Shush the wedding is starting.” The wedding march began to play and two butlers opened the massive wooden doors. Patton’s father linked arms with him and began to walk him down the long red carpet aisle. Patton felt wobbly in the white stilettos his mom made him wear. As picture lights flashed Patton wobbled, fell, wobbled, tripped and fell again. Everyone was laughing at him. It hurt so much. His father let him go to stand before his “groom”. The man looked just as uncomfortable as Patton was. Patton pitied him and tuned out the priest’s speech. Instead Patton looked around the room. On his side of the room, all of his family and family friends were there. His many cousins, his aunts and uncles, grandma, his grandfathers, heck even his neighbors were there. They all were smiling. They had proud tears in their eyes like Patton had just got out of drug rehab or something. It made him very uneasy. “Now for the vows. Do you, Edward Olekson, take Patricia Sanders, as your lawfully wedded wife?” Please. “To have and to hold, in sickness and in health?”

Someone stop this! “To love forever, until death do you part?” “I do sir.” The priest turned, smiling to Patton. “And do you Patricia Sanders, take Edward Olekson, to be your lawfully wedded husband?” I don’t want this! “To have and to hold, through sickness and in health?” Help me! “To obey, to serve,  and to laugh with for the rest of your days?” No! “To love forever until death do you part?” “I-“ BAM! The big dark wood doors burst open. When Patton turned his head, tears fell down his face immediately. There they were. Logan, Roman and Virgil were here! And whats more, they were dressed in wedding gowns! They had extensions in their hair! They had heavy makeup on! And they looked pissed! “Scuse me! Gay guys coming through!” Roman called. Roman easily power walked through the aisle. However, Virgil had Logan holding on to him cause poor Logan couldn’t walk in heels. Wait, they all were in heels?! Patton started laughing and crying in relief. “Who are you?!” Patton’s father demanded. “Just some gays trying to get our man back.” Logan said. “Yeah it was fucked up what you did to your son y’know. Forcing him to be married like this.” Virgil said while examining his nails. Roman grinned and took Patton’s hands. “Sorry we’re late for your wedding my love. Are you ready to leave a bit early?” Patton nodded and started sobbing. Roman pulled Patton in the best hug he’s ever had in his life. “Get away from my daughter you fa-“

Patton didn’t want to be here anymore. “Let’s go loves!”

Patton’s boyfriends grinned, ignoring the words from everyone else in the room. They were about to leave when Patton’s father grabbed him. However Logan acted quickly. He took off one of his heels and threw it at the pissed off man. While that was a distraction, Logan kicked off his other heel and picked Patton up. With a whoop from Roman the boys ran down the red carpet aisle. While he was laughing, Patton heard Virgil yell.

“Hail satan! Hail satan!”

 Outside was Logan’s car. Roman quickly got in the passenger seat while Logan deposited Patton in the back seat. Within a few seconds Virgil jumped into the other seat in the back and shut the door. “Drive man drive!” Logan pressed hard on the gas and the car sped off. As the lovers left, Patton turned his head to see a crowd of people pouring out of the mansion. A grin made it’s way to Patton’s face once again. He kept looking until he felt something slip out of his hair. He turned to see Virgil was pulling his veil and extensions out. “Not to be rude or anything, but everything looks tacky.” He said as he got some makeup wipes out of a bag on the floor. Patton laughed and looked at the men in the front of the car. Roman looked back at him with a wide grin in return. “Thank you guys f-“ “Don’t. It would be insane if we didn’t come for you Patton.” Logan said, looking at Patton from the mirror. “This is what Prince Charmings do for other Prince Charmings!” Roman added. “Pat we’d never leave you to those fuckers. We love you too much.” Virgil said as he wiped the drugstore makeup off of Patton. Patton giggled once more. He felt like he could cry, but there were no more tears left. Good. Patton didn’t like crying. Logan stopped by some fast food place and ordered everyone food and milkshakes. The look on the employee who gave them their things was priceless. “Wait wait can we take a picture of y’all?” A woman employee asked. “Of course!” Patton and Roman replied. So after a few ridiculous posed pictures, they made their way back on the road. Patton sipped his milkshake happily and rested his head on Virgil’s bare shoulder. “Why are you guys wearing dresses and stuff by the way?” Patton asked. “It was to show those fiends a thing or two!” Roman said before sipping his own milkshake. “We figured you would be comfortable if we were dressed like you. Y’know..four men in wedding shit.” Virgil added as he stroked Patton’s head. “It also was to make you laugh Patton. After something horrible like that you deserve to laugh. It’s one of the best things about you after all.” Logan concluded. Patton smiled and nuzzled Virgil. “You guys are the best. You guys are the most amazing boyfriends in the world.”

So Patton wasn’t a “bride” that day. He was a boyfriend to people who loved him the most. And that was the only thing that made Patton happy on his “wedding day”.

[bryanzvaldivia]

Hope this sees the light of day.

“Ya vamos” is what I can remember my mother yelling as we prepared to head to the mall. She would always drag one of us or all of us to accompany her. It was known in my family that my mom was always the flyest and also….a shopaholic. I can remember being bored out of my mind just wanting to either go to KB Toys, Toys-R-Us, or home while my mom was trying to get flee. When I think about those trips to Del Amo Mall or The Galleria, subconsciously I wonder if that was the catalyst of everything my life/hobbies/career has turned into. 

In my family recording shows, wrestling ppvs, concerts, etc on VHS was a big thing. Some of those VHS tapes are burned into my brain because we would rewatch them over and over again. “The Computer Wore Menace Shoes" episode 6, season 12 of the Simpsons has a significant impact on me. I can remember being mesmerized by how much Homer was fiending over a pair of the ‘Assassins.’ Velcro straps, a water pump on the tongue, reflective side walls, and a retail price of $125 is something I can never forget. I can still remember Homer drooling over them as soon as Ned Flanders was rocking them shits. Thinking back on how my life has panned out, its funny to see where I’am in life because of fuckin’ sneakers. 

  The year was 2000, I was in 8th grade. A lot of family secrets were finally getting revealed to me. My father was not only cheating on my mom but had been since they first got married. Music by that time had already been consuming my life and shaping the youth I was. Nirvana - Nevermind really opened the door and my mind to so many new ideology, subcultures, & different types of music. Standards that I still hold true to this day. As much as it was opening things up for me personally it was also shutting me off completely from my family. That Seattle sound, style wise, started shaping me in a way you can still see to this day. If you know me I’m still rocking a flannel and some jeans but mixed with my love for Triple 5 Soul.

My mom would drive me to school and there were two stations that we’d listen to. Power 106 and KROQ. The first time I heard Deftones - Change (In The House of Flies) was on KROQ. The ambient sound, mixed with heavy guitars, piled with Chino Moreno’s vocals on top really struck a chord with me. I ended up recording it on cassette and played that shit until even my friends were annoyed with it. Then, the music video came out and it was over. I was completely obsessed with everything about them. I had a visual to go with the song I couldn’t get out of my head. I ended up recording the music video that played on MTV and ran that back a million times. As a Latino it was powering to see these guys playing in a heavy band on MTV. Another thing that I took notice from them was their style. Still to this day Chino Moreno is a big influence on me and my style. I wanted to dress exactly like him. I had to go buy Dickies jackets, pants, Adidas Campus, FUCT zip-up hoodie, & those belts that back in the day only gang members would wear(I’ve never worn another belt but those). I was entering a new chapter in my life and really started discovering the early DNA of the person I would become.

I  had graduated high school and was already heavy into sneakers. The golden era of Nike SBs that I couldn’t afford and my parents wouldn’t buy for me. I lived vicariously through my homies who were fortunate enough to be able to afford them. Where I grew up the Filipino foos were ALWAYS the flyest. I basically held every Nike SB that goes for thousands of dollars now, in my hands when they came out. I ended up having a pretty good collection myself once I got my first job at Best Buy. I ended up selling it to my older brother for a crazy price that I still regret to this day. He actually still has them all which makes me happy. I signed up for Fullerton College, I went for about a semester. Granted I would skip class, smoke weed in the parking lot, and hang around the area. My store at the time was Active and that's where we’d go get fly and cop Nike SBs. One day walking around smoking a blunt I stumbled across this boutique sneaker store called Beatnik on S Harbor Blvd. First time I walked in they were bumping Big L featuring Fat Joe - The Enemy. It was something new and I could feel it in my bones. I knew I had found my spot. I can’t even begin to tell you what the guy  working at the counter name was but he took a liking to me. We started talking about all the ill brands at the time and they carried most of them. This was 2006 so The Hundreds, Stussy, LRG, Crooks and Castles, etc. To someone who obsessively dives into shit, my life was changed. He introduced me to his boy that went to FCC too. This mfer was the flyest and literally had every Nike SB, Ice Cream, Bapesta, Bape Hoodie gear. He’d show up every day in some new shit. The classic every girl wanted him and every guy wanted to be him. Rumor has it he was cool with Pharrell. At the time Clipse and Pharrell had a choke hold on me. They had just put out ‘Mr. Me Too’ and I was anticipating Hell Hath No Fury. I remember going to the library to sign into Myspace so I can put that song as my profile song lol. Still to this day I reach to look as fly as Clipse and Pharrell. It’s funny because for a quick second I worked for PlayClothes that my dear friend Megan hooked me up with.

Sitting here writing this and looking around in my apartment in Washington Heights filled with sneakers, gear, action figures, & musical instruments all laid out in front of me. I’m looking at my Morrissey pillowcase, Boondocks DVDs, my record collection, Mitsuharu Misawa action figure, & Ralph Lauren bed sheets. All these things are an equation that when you add them all together, they equal me. Even years after discovering these things I’m still totally obsessed and in love with them. I’m glad I never stopped liking what I liked and being true to myself. 

Sincerely,

Soul Burn Slow.

[theadgrodcast]

Manchego Brothers Part 2: Who cut the cheese?

Narrator

Ladies and gentleman return to your seats.

The lights have flashed

it’s time for the second half

If you noticed it wasn’t over before

the episode you heard

there’s so much more

to tell… That’s right, it’s me, your intro man

and I’m back to start

the story again

Let’s do a little quick recap…

We have the Manchego Brothers

They were brilliant inventors

From Spain

and they were featured at the world’s fair

until that financier came.

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

And sent their dreams into hell

let’s pick up where we last left off

It seemed like the brothers were going to have a face off

Chuckie

No! Earl Bradley what happened to you?!

Why would you ever do

and put yourself through

into a tiny little can

so you will no longer be an organic man?

Well suddenly the door opened up

and then I realized that I was completely wrong

There stood before me

right before my very eyes

Was Earl Bradley

Still an organic guy

And then I realized the guy in the can

was that evil man

That financier man

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

He was here to raise holy hell

It was time for him to be

Beyond what any man had ever been

And now he’s taking himself

and put himself in a can

And now we’re about to have some combat

Hand to hand!

(Spoken)

Earl! Earl! It’s me Chuckie! I haven’t seen you in years. I thought you were in there with all the metal and gears. but no!

It’s Randall Hogan Sparkwell

and he’s here to raise holy hell!

Earl Bradley

Oh no Chuckie!

I never meant it to be

I never meant for him to hurt you

Or your sweet lady or me.

Oh no!

I thought I was doing was right.

I thought I was fighting the fight

for the Fascist right!

But I wrong

All along

I couldn’t see

how everything they would do

would ruin you and me!

You were so smart to leave

But we’re taking to long

Cause Randall Hogan Sparkwell

Is here singing a song

(Whirring)

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

Full charge!

I powered up!

I’m Randan Hogal Sparkwell

Shut up!

I’m here to finish all you men

and take your invention

and sell it again!

I’ve made myself stronger than you’ll ever be

I’ve made myself strong enough to fly across the sea

I could take out all of the allies

In one swift raise of my eyes!

Cause lasers shoot out

And take’em down

And shoot down the planes

That fly all around

I’ll shoot down the boats

The day they come

and land on our shores

Some day in December

Chuckie

And I thought this was the end for me

Chuckie & my sweet lady

But then Earl Bradley

he jumped on that fiend!

and he held on to his mechanical neck!

And he started to swing!

And he started to whack!

The robot

the robot

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

He hit him a lot!

And the battle raged

what felt like a Dinkl-age

and the battle went on

and the battle it raged

What could I do?

I stood there in fear

Didn’t know who

to help or where to steer

I look at my brother right there

And the past flew by

I saw my life flash before my eyes!

But then I realize

What I must do

I had to stop that man

from hurting all of you

So I took myself

I took my brain

I put it inside 

of another tin can!

And I started to tinker

and my mind it grew weaker.

(Whirring)

(Spoken) What? Where am I? Oh God, that’s right! I’ve got to stop this uneven fight. Arrrrgggh! On step after one step, just let all the synapses connect! Rawr! I am Chuckie!!!

Randall hogan Sparkwell

No! No! No one stops Randall Hogan Sparkwell!

Narrator

And the battle raged on and on

and the two robots fought on

They fought each other

as hard as they could

They hit each other

and banged on their hood

The threw them through walls

they threw them through towers

They used all of their robotic

kinetic powers

They shot out lasers

they shot out tasers.

The battle seemed to go on

for days, and dayzers!

Earl Bradley

Stand in shock

What could he do?

He didn’t have a robot body

To put himself into

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGgghgggghghgghghhhg!

That were the two

robots falling into

the water below

Because they’re fighting over a river

Did you know?

I didn’t say that earlier

I’m saying it now

And they fought down

into the deep bowels

Of the water below

and into the river bed

They fought and fought,

but they never were dead

Cause they can

Breath under the sea

because they have robotic energy

And then a rocket took them into a sky

And they started to fight and fight so high

Through the clouds and atmosphere

into the space

and to the rear

of the universe

We can see

Two celestial BODD’s

Bodies fighting

One another

When down on earth sat an organic brother

Earl Bradley sat below

Wondering what else he could do

There was nothin much that he could ever do

because he was sitting there

made of skin like you

skin like you!

And a great explosion

blasted in the sky

It was so bright

It blinded every eye!

But only temporarily

Cause can’t you see

What had happen was

an explosion with Chuckie.

He’s dead.

Beauty

Oh no!

Oh no!

Well this is the voice of the sweet lady

who fell in love with that guy Chuckie

He was Carlos before

and Charles after that

But after we went to America

and that was that

He became CHUCKE

That’s right Chuckie

Manchego

And didn’t you know we got married

And that makes me a

Manchego!

How could I ever live?

I’m about to give

Birth to a baby

It’s not a maybe

Did you not notice this hump

and this bump

in front of me?

Well that is B

A B Y

Baby!

That’s gonna come out in month or two

What are you gonna do?

Earl Bradley?

Are you gonna take care of me?

Earl Bradley

I guess I have to

Cause I am the brother

and you don’t have any other

Than me Earl Bradley

I’ll take care of you and that baby

We’re gonna move to America soon.

Maybe somewhere in the NYC

Or somewhere in the Minnesota arE-a

I’m not sure where to go

You know more than I do

Because you went there with my brother who…

Wait! Wait!

That’s right! I make a copy of everything I make!

Wait! Wait!

I made a copy of something I think you’ll think it’s great!

Unfortunately

the organic body

of Chuckie

was just disintegrated.

When he made himself into a robot that time

But just listen to one more rhyme

The lady that Chuckie married

Guess what? 

We don’t have to bury a memory.

Narrator

And he started to tinker.

He started to tinker

He started to tinker less lazily than that.

25 years

after the war of the gears

we see an old man sitting right here

eating a delicious slice of cheese pizza

and the show is about to begin at the local Chuckie Cheesa’s

That’s right!

The curtain opens and we soon see

the memory of Chuckie didn’t die for he

No! He lives on!

In this robot

signing a song

fashioned after the rat Enrique!

(Spoken)

That’s right! Earl Bradley, he joined up with Hannibal the Cannibal to create a pizzeria and that eventually turned into a kids place called Chuckie Cheese’s after, it was named after his brother.

And then it pans out in modern day

and some guys stands up and says

Hey, hey, hey!

What did you think of that commercial pitch

for Chuckie Cheeses?

Do you like it?

Does it pleases?

Your senses?

Does it please your pocket?

I think you're really gonna like it.

When you see it on the video screen

Cause you know Hamilton’s a thing.

And everyone is really into musicals.

Did you not know that?

So let’s take advantage.

And we’re gonna make a musical commercial

for Chuckie Cheese

And its gonna be hysterical

and it will please all of the kiddies

They’re going to loo at their parents

and say…

Please please

Take me to Chuckie Cheese

Take me to Chuckie Cheese!

I want to play in the ball pit

and eat the pizza

and play all of it

and take the tickets

to the window and get the doll

that is a replica

of Randall Hogan Sparkwell

Randall Hogan Sparkwell!

(Sparkwell)

This in the memory of Enrique.

For you see

I’m a descendant of the Manchego cheese

and I opened up an advertising business

and I opened up an advertising business

so I could keep the memory…

I think that’s that end.

I think it’s over.

Everyone.

The lights have come up.

Get the fuck outta here!

Reprisal?

Give us a Tony!

Can’t you see?!

That this is the best musical on tv!

Everything is seen on a screen

Cause no one want’s to go out anymore

because it’s obscene

The masks on your face

allow you to enter into a place

Do you remember

when they made it so

that you had to wear

pants on your below?

Jazz AF

Skiddily bop. Skiddily boo

What do you do

when they don’t want to serve you

when you breathe

put on a thing

it’s called a MASK

it saves you and me

Don’t ever walk

into a store

if you don’t have something

over your whore

mouth

Don’t ever walk

into a place

unless you have covering

over your whore

face

That’s right

You need’em tight

to keep the respiratory droplets in

so that someone doesn’t get sick

and the COVID 1 9 starts to begin

It takes root inside of you

so that’s why you have to be cool

and where a mask too.

It’s not for you

It’s for them

All women and men

and the little tiny children

so it don’t give it to them

Do you remember when

you could walk into a store

with your bare butt-ox

and no one ever say

that you gotta get on out

You could peruse for hours

with your ding-a-ling

just a swinging thing

in the wind ding ding

That’s right you didn’t have to wear a shirt

back in 1962

but now you do

and it hurts!

It keeps the oxygen

form leaving my armpits

I’m not operating

at an example I could be at

you got to see

the sweat all over me

if I didn’t have this on

I would be glistening

Don’t make me put on pants

don’t make me a wear a shirt

don’t make me wear a mask

because it really really hurts

my oxygen levels

have fallen below a thousand

before that

they were five thousand

now I gotta put a mask on

because I got a task on

me,

and it’s taking away my freedoms

can’t you see

No! Fuck you man!

Listen. Just fuck you!

Put on a mask

it’s easy to do

you just have it on

when there is more than two.

In a target or a khols.

Cause that is the goal

to make sure no one dies

or gets sick anymore.

alright I’m done with this! End this episode! Adam, end the episode please!

I never forgot about the fucking squirrels Adam!

This guy’s over here eating brunswick stew.

Made of squirrels

that you see when their jumping from tree

to shining tree

their picking up the nuts

for the wintergreen

and they’re saving them until

Adam so obscene

he grabs them by tail

they scream and wail

he puts them in bucket

he puts in them a pail

puts some water in

and it starts to heat up

and it starts to boil

and he draws a cup

of that brunswick stew

the original dew

like they used to do

in Brunswick stew

ooooo

ooooo

ooooo

Adam

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Chuckie Cheese Sponsor us

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior December 20, 2019 – STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER, CATS, BOMSHELL, INVISIBLE LIFE

I’m doing a lot of writing about J.J. Abrams’ STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Lucasfilm/Disney) and Tom Hooper’s CATS (Universal) over at The Beat, so I don’t have too much more to add here. I have only seen the latter, and I’m under embargo, so can’t say much more about it anyway.

I mentioned last week that Jay Roach’s BOMBSHELL (Lionsgate), starring Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie -- all SAG Award nominees!! -- was going to expand nationwide this weekend, and I’m still hoping to review it sometime this week, but haven’t had a chance to write it just yet. Sorry!

LIMITED RELEASES

Not a lot of limited releases this weekend, thank God, but I do want to draw attention to the Brazilian Oscar entry INVISIBLE LIFE (Amazon), which will get a limited release this weekend.  Directed by Karim Aïnouz (Madame Satã), it’s the story of two sisters from Rio who are separated in 1950 as the elder one, Guida, travels to Europe to marry a sailor and is estranged by her parents when she returns alone and pregnant. The younger sister Euridice is forced into a loveless marriage, and the two of them end up living their lives unaware that the other is still living in Rio. The movie takes a little time to get going, but once it does, it’s quite an emotional experience, especially the last act where Oscar nominee Fernanda Montenegro takes over one of the roles. Invisible Life won the Un Certain Regard at Cannes earlier this year, but sadly, it did not make the shortlist in the Oscar’s International Film category, which is a shame. It will open at the Film Forum in New York Friday, as well as the Laemmle Royal in L.A.

It’s actually the only film I’ve seen this week, although the Bollywood action-comedy Dabangg 3 (Yash Raj Films) brings Salman Khan’s badass cop Chulbul Pandy back for his third movie, which should do decently over the holidays.

Xiaogang Feng’s Chinese drama Only Cloud Knows (China Lion) will also open in select cities this Friday about a Chinese man (Xuan Huang) who returns home to New Zealand after the death of his wife and learns that she has all sorts of secrets.s

Irish filmmaker Alexandra (Lotus Eaters) McGuinness’ indie drama-thriller She’s Missing (Vertical Entertainment), starring Lucy Fry and Eiza Gonzalez, playing Heidi and Jane, best friends living in a small desert town, and what happens when one of them goes missing.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Another movie I hoped to review, and I just didn’t get a chance to is this the amazing drama THE TWO POPES, starring Jonathan Pryce and Anthony Hopkins, which will hit the streaming service this Friday. It’s a wonderful film directed by Fernarno Meirelles (City of God) about the relationship between

This Friday, Netflix will also begin streaming the fantasy series THE WITCHER, based on the popular video games and starring Henry Cavil. I really don’t know much about the series, but it looks like the kind of big-scale fantasy I love.

Although the seventh episode of Disney’s series The Mandalorian will air on Weds. this week, as to not conflict with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’s opening. Friday will see the debut of the new Disney+ movie Togo, starring Willem Dafoe and a Siberisan husky named Togo. Don’t know much about it, but Dafoe has been great in recent years, so I’m sure it’s worth watching.

REPERTORY

You’ll notice a lot of the same movies playing in the repertory theaters in New York and L.A. this weekend, maybe because Christmas is next week?

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

The big retrospective in New York this week is FilmLinc’s comprehensive “Varda: A Retrospective,” which will run from Friday through through January 6, and it is indeed comprehensive, showing all of her films, including four shorts programs and some television work. It ties into the late French filmmaker’s excellent last film, Varda by Agnès, which has been playing there for the past couple weeks. (It’s an exceptional introspective film class that I highly recommend.) If you want a taste of Varda’s work but can’t figure out what to sees then maybe you can check out the free five-part mini-series Agnés Varda: Here to There, each episode screening on the afternoons starting Friday and running through December 24. (Even though it’s free, you still need to go to the FilmLinc site and register for tickets.) The series will include a wide range of films from her part in the early French New Wave to her more recent documentary work, and it’s a slew of riches for those who’ve already seen Varda by Agnès and want to see some of the films discussed.

On Thursday night, FilmLinc will have a special 20th anniversary screening of Steven Soderbergh’s The Limey with Soderbergh in attendance along with cinematographer Ed Lachman and some of his cast.

METROGRAPH (NYC):

“Holidays at Metrograph” continues this week with screenings of Jacques Demy’s The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964), Mitchel Leissen’s Remember the Night  (1940), The Thin Man (1934) and of course, Todd Haynes’ 2015 film Carol, Paul Thomas Anderson’s 2017 movie Phantom Thread, and Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (1999), Metro’s holiday standbys. Welcome To Metrograph: Redux will screen Lizzie Borden’s Born in Flames  (1983) and Haile Gerima’s Bush Mama (1979) while this week’s Late Nites at Metrographis Eric Rohmer’s Claire’s Knee (1970). This weekend’s Playtime: Family Matineesis the classic It’s a Wonderful Life, in case you haven’t seen one of the 200 showings at IFC Center.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Wednesday’s “Afternoon Classic” is The Bishop’s Wife (1947), starring Cary Grant, while Friday’s “Freaky Friday” matinee is John Carpenter’sThe Thing  (1982). Wednesday night’s double feature of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and Scrooged is sold out (of course) but Thursday night, you can see It’s a Wonderful Life (of course) with Brad Pitt’s Meet John Doe. Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogsis the Friday midnight offering while the horror film Christmas Evil screens Saturday at midnight, while the weekend’s Kiddee Matinee is The Muppet Christmas Carol, which shows that even Tarantino can get in the Xmas spirit. Monday’s “Afternoon Classics” matinee is expecting that kiddee’s will be out of school, as it’s screening Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, while Tuesday night aka Christmas Eve is a double feature of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas (1954) and Holiday Affair (1949), starring Robert Mitchum. Also on Tuesday are two sold out screenings of the Xmas classic Die Hard (of course), the night screening a double feature with Silent Partner (1978).

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

The Egyptian’s “Holiday Spirit 2019” series begins with a double feature of Terry Gilliam’s Brazil and Things to Comeon Thursday, then they will screen It’s A Wonderful Lifeon Friday night. (Why not? Every other rep theater is playing it.) Saturday is Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (ditto) and then Saturday’s “Christmas Noir” is 1950’s Backfire on 16mm! Sunday evening is a double feature of the Oscar-winning The Apartment, starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine, paired with the 2015 film Tangerine. No, I don’t get it, either.

AERO  (LA):

A lot of the same movies are playing here this week including Die Hard(as part of “Greg Proops Film Clumb 2019” on Weds, a double feature of The Thin Man (1934) and Mr. Soft Touch (1949), as part of the “Christmas Noir” series. “Holiday Spirit 2019” continues on Saturday with a double feature of White Christmas and The Holly and the Ivy (1952). Saturday’s midnight movie is The Exorcist III (1990), then Sunday is a screening of Will Ferrell’s 2003 movie Elf, and then Monday might, what else? It’s a Wonderful Life.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

On Friday, the Quad is beginning a new series called “A Face in the Crowd: Remembering Lee Remick” including a 40thanniversary restoration of James Ivory’s The Europeanswith Ivory appearing on Friday. The series will also include 1957’s A Face in the Crowd, 1959’s Anatomy of Murder, as well as one of my favorite movies of all time, 1976’s The Omen, and more.Wednesday night’s One-Shots offering is Jean Cocteau’s 1950 film Orpheus.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Iris Barry’s History of Film continues this week with the 1930 film All Quiet on the Western Front Wednesday, 1921’s The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on Thursday, and the classic Battleship Potemkin (1921) on Friday. Monday is a double feature of Dream of a Rarebit Fiend from 1906 and Buster Keaton’s The Navigator  (1924). Fred Newmeyer’s The Freshman  (1925) screens on Tuesday.  The Wonders continues through the weekend with its look at the films of Italian sisters Alice and Alba Rohrwacher, including Luca Guadagigno’s I Am Love (2009) on Wednesday evening and other more recent films including Alice Rohrwacher’s 2014 eponymous film The Wonders on Monday night.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

While all the other rep theaters in New York and L.A. have been jumping on the It’s a Wonderful Life bandwagon, the IFC Center has been playing it consistently for weeks with Donna Reed’s daughter Mary Owen introducing many of the screenings. That continues through Christmas Day. Next year, you’ll be able to watch all of the Studio Ghibli movies on HBO Max, but if you can’t wait that long, the IFC Center is celebrating the holidays with “The Films of Studio Ghibli” from Friday through January 16. It’s a pretty comprehensive series including many films not directed by Miyazaki, but there’s a lot of great stuff, and you can click on the link above to see when various movies are playing or check out the full calendar here. (There are a few 35mm prints in there, labelled accordingly.)

Weekend Classics: May All Your Christmases be Noir is … also Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut. Seriously, if you live in New York and still haven’t seen this movie, then I don’t know what your damage is.  Waverly Midnights: Spy Games will screen Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity (2002) and Late Night Favorites: Autumn 2019 is Kubrick’s The Shining (1980), which you also should have seen by now.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The Film Forum will begin screening its own holiday offering, the 1962 thriller Cape Fear, starring Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck, through Christmas Eve. The weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is a sing-along version of 1954’s White Christmas.  Lee Grant will also be at the Film Forum Thursday night to screen her 1981 documetnary debut The Willmar 8.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The Nicholas Cage-a-thon continues Thursday with 1996’s The Rock, directed by a very young Michael Bay, as well as Leaving Las Vegas, for which Cage won an Oscar. On Saturday, you can get in the Xmas spirit with Bill Murray’s Scrooged  (1988) and Home Alone (1990).

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This Friday’s midnight offering is Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice (1988).

Next week is Christmas, and there are two new movies in the animated Spies in Disguise (20thCentury Fox) and Greta Gerwig’s Little Women.

[atiyasworld]

Shanice and Her Last Year At Hogwarts Part II (Harry Potter Fanfic, Marauders Era)

So, Lils, how was your holidays?” Shanice Peterson asked her best friend.

Lily Evans smiled brightly, her emerald green eyes sparkling. “My family went to Bognor Regis in West Sussex. There was this lagoon there, Oh Shanice, you should have seen it! It was beautiful! I asked you multiple times to come…but no! You were ‘busy’,” she said, pouting her lips.

Shanice Peterson and her best friend, lily Evans, were sitting in the Hogwarts Express, on their way to their beloved school. They we both in their last year at Hogwarts. Both Shanice and Lily were muggle-born witches – meaning both their parents were non-magic. The two girls became best friends in their first year, and they have been inseparable since.  

“Lily.” Shanice began cautiously. “Have you spoken to Severus?” Lily’s face began to darken.

Severus used to be lily’s best friends from Slytherin house. He wasn’t the type of person anyone would think would have friends, he was think and lanky kid with greasy hair and a large hooked nose. He looked straight out of a Vampire movie. Lily and Severus’s friendship brutally ended at the end of fifth year when Severus call Lily the gruesome name for a muggle-born: Mud-blood. Shanice was never really close to Severus but tolerated him for the sake of Lily. Now, Shanice hated him with all her heart.

“No, I haven’t, and I don’t want to talk to him.” Lily mumbled. Her face then lightened up like a Christmas tree. “But guess what. I am Head girl! Along with that pig-head James Potter”

Shanice smiled, of course Lily was chosen to be Head Girl. She was best in everything. But James Potter? Him, a prefect? Now, that was laughable.

Shanice was about to comment when the door dramatically slammed open. James Potter stood in the doorway like he was Hercules, his friends, the Marauders, as they call themselves, stood behind him, grinning from ear to ear.

His face brightened up when he saw Lily. “Lily-flower! I have been looking for you! My ravishing flower, how was your holidays?” he said loudly, smiling like a banshee. “Oh, don’t frown, Lily-kins. Frowning will decrease one’s beauty.”

Lily’s frown grew more pronounced. “Potter, you conceited toe-rag. Go away and don’t harass me,” she snarled.

Sometimes Shanice couldn’t even recognise her nice, kind best friend. James Potter was the only person who really got on her nerves...well, along with some Slytherins. Shanice personally liked James Potter and his friends, they were her friends. Lily, however did not share the same feelings as Shanice, Lily detested them, James the most. James had had a crush on Lily since second year, and he wouldn’t stop asking her out.

James Potter didn’t even look affected by her comment, instead he swaggered to her and sat down next to her. “Aww, but lily flower, I missed you. You didn’t even reply to my letters.” He whined like child. Shanice laughed, gaining a scowl from Lily.

“Hey, love.” Someone whispered to Shanice’s ear. Shanice looked up and saw the one and only Sirius Black gazing at her with his hypnotizing grey eyes. She gulped. Shanice, like most of Hogwarts female population, had always had a gargantuan crush on Sirius Black.

“Hey” Shanice squawked, her eyes wide. Sirius smirked, almost making Shanice faint of awe. He sat down gracefully into the seat next to Shanice, stopping her lungs from functioning properly.

The train ride continued for the next few hours. Lily almost blew James’s head off with her wand when he jokingly tried to ask her to marry him, which resulted in everyone going to floor laughing. Shanice had to sit next to the devilishly handsome Sirius Black and endure his presence. She had the most uncomfortable train ride she ever had in a long, long time.

………….

Shanice, Lily and the Marauders sat on the Gryffindor table, eating. Thousands of other students sat around them, chatting to their friends, talking about their holidays. It was the start of year feast, the most exciting time for most of Hogwarts.

Lily sat next to Shanice, with James on her other side. He and Sirius seemed to be having a competition of who can eat the most chicken legs. Both were making disgusting slobbering sounds. Lily sat with a grim expression, her lips was stretched into thin line, staring at her bowl of soup as if she would like to drown in it. Lily’s left eye twitched as another disgusting sound came from James, until eventually she snapped. “Potter! I will kill you with my bare hands! Use your manners, you dim-witted pig. You are completely disgusting!” A few people around them turned around to see the source of the shouting, their eyebrows raised

James looked shocked at her outburst but smirked a few seconds later. “Come on, Lily-flower. You secretly find me hilarious, but you are trying to play hard to get.” James said, making Sirius have a fit of laughter. Lily opened her mouth to yell at him some more but didn’t when Shanice slapped her across her shoulder. “Don’t haggle.” Shanice said sternly.  Lily let out a huff and continued drinking her soup.

Shanice was not hungry, she hadn’t touched anything since the feast started. She was fiddling with an elastic band. As she fiddled, she pulled the elastic band and it shot out of her hand. Much to Shanice’s horror, the elastic band flew straight to Sirius Black’s eyes. He let out a growl and his hand flew to clutch his left eye, swearing like a fiend. ��

“Oh crap, I am so sorry.” Shanice apologized, her hand over her mouth. Sirius just let out an animalistic growl and turned around, still clutching his eye.

Shanice turned red as a tomato. She tried to block the sound of everyone’s laughter. “Way to go Shanice,” she mumbled to herself.

………….

It was after the feast. Shanice was walking in a deserted corridor, wanting to go outside and get some fresh air. She turned a corner but immediately regretted it when she saw the person standing there. She turned around and tried to get away as fast as possible.

“Oi, Peterson!” Rabastan Lestrange bellowed out in the empty corridor. Shanice rolled her eyes, and turned around, her eyebrows raised. Rabastan smirked and swaggered to her. He got so close to her that Shanice could see his protruding collar bone. “Why hello, Peterson. Fancy seeing you here. We haven’t talked in years.” He said, as if they were friends that have been apart for a long time

Shanice let out an irritated sigh. “What do you want, Lestrange?”

Rabastan’s expression changed from cheerful to deadly lightning fast, almost making Shanice flinch. “Do you remember telling me that you were a pureblood in our first year?” hissed Rabastan. Shanice nodded slowly.

“I believed you, Mud-blood. You lied to me. I should have abandoned you the first time I saw you instead of united you to my world. And those people that you associate with, that hybrid Lupin, Potter, Black and that Mud-blood Evans, you truly are a despondent little Mud-blood. Your kind and those blood-traitors contaminates this school, and it is revolting”

Shanice’s temper flared. Nobody insults her friends, especially Remus. “I don’t care what you think, Rabastan. The only reason why I tried to be nice to you was that I thought you would be my friend.” Shanice barked. Something flashed across Rabastan’s icy blue eyes. “The moment you opened your fat mouth, I knew you were a prejudiced, spoiled little monster. Don’t ever talk to me again.”

With that last comment at the brat Rabastan, Shanice turned around and strutted away from him, she could almost see Rabastan snarl at her behind her back.

…………

Shanice sat in Transfiguration class, bored out of her mind, listening to Professor McGonagall droning on.  “…The spell that will clean the furs of animals is an important spell to learn if you have pets. The wand movement of this spell is a semicircle, and the incantation is –”

“Hey Snivellus! You need that spell!” James Potter called out to Severus Snape. Snape turned around, his shoulder-length greasy black hair flying everywhere. He shot James a murderous look before turning back. Shanice saw the poor girl sitting next to him looking as if she would vomit. When Snape’s friendship with Lily ended, he baths seemed to end too. All the Gryffindors and most of the Slytherins guffawed. Shanice didn’t think anyone liked Snape very much.

Professor McGonagall did not look at all happy being interrupted by James. “Mr Potter, I would appreciate it if you weren’t disruptive in my class,” she said sternly.

“Yes professor,” James said in a monotone, but Shanice could hear laughter in his voice. Professor McGonagall opened her mouth to continue her boring lecture.

Transfiguration continued with nothing else interesting happening. Professor McGonagall, in Shanice’s opinion, wasn’t the most hospitable or friendly woman, but she was fair and reasonable.

Shanice didn’t have the willpower to stay awake, her eyelids began to droop down, until eventually she drifted off to sleep.

………….

 Lily and Shanice sat in the Gryffindor common room. Lily was reading a muggle newspaper, while Shanice was trying not to sleep again. She had gotten detention for sleeping in Transfiguration by       Professor McGonagall. “Shanice.” Said lily, making Shanice’s eyes snap open.

“What?”

Lily looked at her. “Do you remember me telling you about the dictator in Kazakhstan?”

“Hmm.” Shanice didn’t know where Kazakhstan was, and she didn’t care.

“Well, he got assassinated last night.”

Shanice didn’t know why Lily found politics so interesting. So what if the Kazakhstan dictator died? He was a dictator, right? And weren’t they supposed to be bad? “That’s nice.” She mumbled, her eyelids drifting shut again.

“It’s not good, Shanice. He was a good dictator, he took care of his country. We must pay our homage to him.” Lily protested.

“Lily, I am trying to sleep,” said Shanice angrily. She heard Lily huff.

………..

Shanice must have had an hour of sleep before she awoke to someone shaking her. She opened her eyes. It was Lily. “Shanice, Professor Dumbledore wants us in his office.” Lily said worriedly.

Shanice’s eyebrows furrowed. “Have we done anything? Why does he want us?” She asked

Lily was already walking away. “I don’t know. It must be something important. Oh god, I do hope we are not in trouble.”

Shanice sighed and stood up from the sofa she was sleeping in. What did Dumbledore want with her and Lily? There’s only one way to know. Shanice ran to catch up to Lily.

………….

Lily knocked politely on the headmasters door. Shanice stood behind her, fiddling with the edge of her school shirt. Both girls quietly waited, until a quiet voice came from inside. “Come in.”

They opened the door and walked in. Shanice looked around at the headmasters office. It was a circular room with lots of bookshelves on the walls. Every corner of the room was covered with portraits of the previous headmasters, all the portraits were moving and speaking. The room was simply beautiful, in its own way.

Shanice’s eyes feel on the headmaster, he was sitting on a chair in front of the Marauders? What were they doing here? Only James, Sirius and Remus were here, Peter was nowhere to be seen. The boys looked just as confused as Lily and Shanice. Shanice assumed that they didn’t know they were here either.

Dumbledore didn’t look as cheerful as he normally did. His startling blue eyes didn’t twinkle as they did often. “Sit down, girls,” he said in a grave voice. Lily and Shanice silently walked to the chairs and sat down. “I assume you don’t know why you are here. Have any of you heard of Lord Voldemort?” Everyone exchanged glances, everyone knew about Lord Voldemort. He is the darkest wizard in all of Europe. “You have all obviously heard of him. Lord Voldemort is trying to gain allies, his main targets are powerful pure-blooded witches and wizards. Every day he is getting more powerful, with no one to stop him.”

The five teenagers looked scared and grave. “What are you trying to say, sir?” asked James.

Dumbledore paused dramatically. “I have formed a secret organization against Lord Voldemort. We already have many members. I am looking for powerful and bright witches and wizard that are dedicated to our cause. I guess what I am trying to say is, will any of you be willing to join The Order of the Phoenix?” Dumbledore said gravely.

The five teenagers held their breaths, the atmosphere in the room was tense, you could hear a pin drop. This was a massive offer to them. “I am willing to join, professor.” James Potter stated boldly.

“So will I” said Sirius Black

“Count me in” Remus followed

The girls were marvelled at the boys courage. They were risking their lives for a cause. Lily hesitated. “I will join too, sir,” she said in a quiet voice.

All eyes were on Shanice. She could hardly breathe, she did not know what to do. She could die for this cause; Lord Voldemort is Europe’s most dangerous wizard. And she is only seventeen, she was too young to die! She would be humiliated if she did not join though. Taking a deep breathe, Shanice made her decision. “I-I am committed to your cause, professor,” she stammered.

Dumbledore looked pleased, his blue eyes twinkled. “I am most pleased to hear that everyone in here accepted. We have a meeting this Easter holidays, wait for my owl and I will send you all the details. You may all go now.”

All the young adults exited the room, hardly believing what they agreed to.

…………..

Shanice sat on the floor of an empty classroom, thinking. How could Dumbledore offer such a big responsibility to children? They were only seventeen, barely out of school. Thousands of witches and wizards died at the hands of Lord Voldemort, She could be one of them. She didn’t know why, but tears slid down her cheeks. What if she died? What if Lord Voldemort killed her parents and those that she cared about? Why did she agree to join the Order of Phoenix?  

“Shanice? Where are you?” Shanice heard Lily call her from outside the classroom. Shanice stood up and hurriedly wiped her eyes. Whatever her fate was going to be, there was not stopping it. She had agreed to join, and she was not going to go back to her decision like a coward. After all, she was a Gryffindor, and Gryffindors are brave. Gryffindors aren’t afraid to die.

Gryffindors dwell brave the heart, and Shanice Peterson is a true Gryffindor.

             .