#I low-key kinda hate this but I spent too much time on it not to share

[henchladyart]

Baby girl 2

[kooktrash]

UKIYO ✧ jeon Jungkook

summary: it’s the start of summer and there’s nothing better than dipping your toes in the sand and falling for a local boy who plays beach volleyball in his free time. he’s charming in a way you’ve never seen and you seem to understand each other better than one could imagine. both stuck in an awkward time of self discovery, you try to live in the moment and forget about your worries till they become too hard to ignore.

The Japanese word ukiyo (pronounced "u-key-yo") means "living in the moment" or "detached from the troubles of life".

✧ genre/au: summer romance, local beach boy!jk x city girl!y/n, [she/her, afab]

✧ 17.7k words

warnings: smut, fluff, ‘coming of age’ but they’re in their twenties, jk falls first. oral [f receiving]. unprotected bc they’re literally on a boat. hair pulling. jk is kinda rich boy. oc seems mean but she’s got mean vibes but just sassy and jk likes it. jk was previously engaged. law student jk. intimate missionary. jk is a volleyball player. think beach town vibes. his ex is kinda stuck up—all his friends are. jk is kinda lovesick puppy who needs aftercare lol

inspired by, Nicholas Sparks’ “The Last Song”

songs: tyrant — coldplay, mind over matter — young the giant, left hands free — alt-j, omg — suki waterhouse, sex drug etc — beach weather

✧

For a long time, summer was the only thing to look forward to in the year. The days were longer spent outside enjoying time with your friends and letting yourself sleep in until noon. As you grew older with more responsibilities that didn’t suddenly disappear when the temperature grew warmer, you began to lose feelings for the season. It made no difference in your life anymore and you longed for the days it would.

Maybe that’s why it was so easy for you to drop everything and leave your worries behind. A couple months in the sun, no stress, nothing holding you back.

”I still can’t believe I managed to convince you,” Your friend said for the third time in the last hour. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, again, “I still can’t believe it either, don’t make me regret it.”

Hoseok mocked you using a high pitched voice, turning the Jeep Wrangler into the driveway of a modern beach house, “How could you regret these next few weeks waking up to the waves crashing on the shore?”

”What magazine did you read that off of?” Your friend asked from the backseat, laughing to herself at his expense, “I hate when you talk corny.”

”Whatever, you guys are so ungrateful,” Hoseok jokes, pulling the car in ‘park’ and powering the engine off, “Next time I’ll invite someone else to come with—someone who I won't have to beg!”

”Boohoo,” You pretended to whine, getting out of the car and racing to get to your luggage first, “You love begging for me.”

”You wish,” He says with a scoff, “Hurry up and find your rooms, I want to get down to the beach as soon as possible.”

The beach was at its peak time of day where the sun sat the highest and almost every foot of sand was covered with people’s belongings. Not far from shore were rows of volleyball courts and crowds of people watching and as much as you wanted to avoid that busy side, it was the way to the boardwalk. You had no choice but to follow your friends in that direction. They were steps before you, already arguing about which store to go into first or what food stand you’ll go to but you were distracted by the large Ferris wheel in the back.

Maybe your focus should have been on the matches happening all around you but by the time you realized that it was too late. The white ball barely grazed your side when a tall figure headed straight into you with a loud thud.

A low grunt left your lips as you hit the sand with such a force that it physically ached for a moment. Your hands and face were practically covered in sand it was hard to acknowledge whatever gibberish your assailant spat out.

He didn’t have time to get a good look at you as he rushed to his feet, taking your arm and pulling you up abruptly, “Shit, I’m so sorry, I—“

“It’s fine,” your tone came out harsher than expected and it probably had something to do with the guy who loomed over you, and how embarrassed you felt. Up ahead your two friends were barely realizing you weren’t behind them and turning to find you, laughing once they did.

The stranger let his gaze trace over you with sudden curiosity, not at all intimidated by your attempt at a scowl. Now that he was looking at you up close, he had to admit he liked what he saw. He couldn’t help but grin nervously, “I’m sorry.”

His smile made you glare as you dusted sand off your jeans, “Really? I can’t tell.”

“I… it’s just, usually when there’s a ball flying people tend to dodge it,” he was walking backwards now as you tried leaving, he wanted to face you when he talked and it made his cocky smile all the more unbearable. You’ve just met the guy and he hadn’t given the best impression yet. Honestly, you’re just tired from the trip and you’re hungry so you blame that on your mood but you just want to escape this embarrassment of falling.

A scoff left your lips, “Are you saying that this is my fault? Maybe if you all played the game on the court, you wouldn’t have run after it.”

You were giving him attitude and yet he didn’t back down from returning it with a sweet smile.

“Jungkook!” Someone called from behind but the guy didn’t bother to even look back at the paused game. Instead he kept up with you, “You’re right, it’s partially my fault too so how can I make this up to you?”

You stopped walking, looking at him. You didn’t know him and he didn’t know you so there was no need to hold him up from his game any longer, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But I can’t go on like this,” The stranger, Jungkook, said, “Not until I know you’re not mad anymore.”

The way you rolled your eyes excited him in a good way. He wasn’t amusing enough for you and it was rare for him not to be.

“Jungkook! Come on man, the game!”

“Y/n!” Hoseok said loudly, “Hurry up, I’m starving.”

Just like that, the two of you walked away from each other and you had to tell yourself not to look back at him. You didn’t want to catch him doing the same before he went back to playing.

“Are you okay?” Hyeri asked, still laughing lightly, helping you shake off sand, “I was going to help you but then I saw you talking to that hot guy and I didn’t want to intervene.”

“So considerate,” you mumbled sarcastically, trying to hide your smile as you walked the steps up to the pier and forgot about whatever was happening on the sand.

The stranger really was attractive, and if he hadn’t toppled you over like it was nothing you might have stayed a little longer. When you spotted him below you couldn’t help but look him over. He wore a pair of blue and white striped swimming trunks and no shirt which gave you a good look at his muscular back and sleeve of tattoos. Compared to the players around him, he looked noticeably different from the rest and you kind of liked that.

“What are we eating?” You asked your friends who shrugged, still indecisive.

Hours after the sunset and Jungkook’s adrenaline from winning began to slowly settle down, he walked along the boardwalk with his partner. The two of them are trying to waste time for a while before their night plans come along.

“I know Yeaun is around here somewhere and if she’s here then that means Chae-hi isn’t far,” Jimin said looking around the crowded boardwalk while Jungkook followed behind lazily, “Which means a fun night for us so let’s find them.”

He could hear what Jimin was saying but he wasn’t truly listening. His attention had drifted away from the conversation the second he looked to the side and found a familiar silhouette in the distance. Well, not too familiar but he recognized it from when he crashed into you earlier.

You were with your friends at some jewelry stand looking over all the handmade bracelets and necklaces, such a short distance from him. He could easily make it over to you in no time.

“I don’t really want to see Yeaun,” Jungkook said, eyes trained on you. Jimin groaned in response, whipping back to his friend and shaking his head. He followed his line of sight and jumped in front of him.

“No, look over here, we’ve got plans,” Jimin said hoping to pull Jungkook’s attention away from some stranger, “We told Chae-hi and Yeaun we’d met them tonight.”

“No, you have plans, I never agreed to anything,” Jungkook said with a laugh, clearly amused. He tried to see if you were still there but when he looked back you were already walking away.

“Don’t be that way, think about me. Your best friend, who has been trying to get with Chae-hi for weeks now,” Jimin begged, making Jungkook sigh with defeat. He didn’t say anything as he motioned for Jimin to lead the way and went on with his life.

✧

There’s a story about how you found yourself moving into a beach house with your best friends for the summer. The opportunity sort of fell at your feet when Hoseok’s sister had to leave abroad for a couple months because of her job. She lived in a nice house on the beach that would need to be looked after and that’s when she decided to tell her younger brother about it.

Not long after, he came to you and Hyeri and asked if you wanted to join. It took a long time for him to convince you but when you realized how shitty life currently was back home, there was nothing holding you back.

Your first week has been fun getting to enjoy the warm water and sand between your toes. You’ve gotten into a bit of a routine in the area and you’ve begun to familiarize yourself with the roads and places. That’s probably why you were doing Hoseok a favor by helping him out today.

He’s busy taking care of some errands for his sister and asked if you could bring his car into the shop for some maintenance, considering Hyeri liked sleeping past noon, you had no choice but to agree to it all on your own.

“What can we do for you?” A guy in a dark gray button up and oil streaks across his hands asked you once you made it to the auto shop.

“Just an oil change.”

Jungkook had nearly forgotten about his encounter on the beach. There wasn’t much for him to remember anyway and he’s never been the type to hold onto something so meaningless. He carried on with his usual routine and busied himself away at work.

The shop he worked at was busy all of the time and it was a great distraction from whatever else happened in his life so he truly loved it. He loved getting to work with cars and getting his hands dirty. He worked with people he was friends with and sometimes, if he’s really lucky, someone who catches his attention will stagger in.

When he found you standing in the office with his boss signing papers he was visibly taken back. He had been too busy helping Namjoon take a wheel off a black Sedan, to notice when you came in but he was too late now. You were already finishing up whatever you were doing with Jin and leaving.

“I’ll be back,” Jungkook told Namjoon, tossing him the wrench he had been using and heading straight to the front.

You went across the street to the small diner and he had to think about this. Part of him didn’t feel the need to see you again, mostly because he was embarrassed by toppling you over and probably how he sounded. Part of him wanted to ask for your name, apologize and try and see if you’ll talk to him.

“I’m taking an early lunch,” Jungkook told him without much of a car as he hurried to clock out and leave for the diner.

You sat alone in a booth with your laptop open and scrolling through a website filled with job offers. It was partially out of boredom and a reminder that you needed to find somewhere for when you get back home. You could look for something in the field you used to study in but how far could you get with it?

“Excuse me,” he stood in front of you now, “I don’t know if you remember me from a few days ago but—“

“I remember,” you said blandly, looking up at Jungkook with a mixture of boredom and a small hint of possible curiosity. He looked very different with a shirt on, his abs weren’t as distracting but he still had an intimidating build. That’s why his pretty face surprised you under all that sweat and car grease. He was clearly one of the mechanics and has somehow made his way to you.

“Right, uh,” he swooped in to sit across from you, “I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to knock you down and sometimes when I’m playing, I kinda get a little too excited so I’m sure I was just talking and talking.”

You’re assuming he meant how he followed after you and smiled so arrogantly when you looked visibly annoyed with him. What you don’t get is why he’s apologizing again, you weren’t still upset over that.

“It’s fine,” you reminded him with a confused look, trying to read what he was really here for, “You work across the street?”

“Yeah, I’m Jungkook,” He finally introduced himself, “I saw you earlier and it was time for lunch so I came to talk to you.”

You didn’t say anything for a while and the silence wasn’t broken until the waitress came and asked what Jungkook would like. He brushed her off with a ‘Whatever she’s having’ and looked at you curiously.

“Okay,” You’re definitely not from around here because he would’ve recognized you so just who are you? He cleared his throat awkwardly, “Um, yknow, usually when someone gives you their name you say yours back.”

“Y/n,” You said distantly, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, anything,” Jungkook sat straighter, almost reaching up to fix his hair but stopping himself. He wasn’t nervous or anything but you’re not speaking to him with the same flirtatious tone and it’s confusing him.

“What are some fun things you can do around here other than the usual tourist stuff?” You asked him suddenly, “You are a local, I assume.”

“You assume right,” Jungkook nodded as he bit his lip in thought, “I could always show you better than I can tell you.”

“You’re a funny guy, y’know?” You smiled, “But seriously, what is there to do?”

He’s pretty sure that was just a rejection so it took him a moment to bounce back from it and tried to catch himself from doing it again.

By the time the car was ready, you were paying for your meal and hurrying to leave while Jungkook ate and enjoyed the last of his break. For the rest of the day he found himself thinking about you.

He’s lived a very repetitive and predictable life. Since early childhood he’s had the same classmates and friends, and gone to the same places and events. He’s known the same girls and has hung out with the same people for years. The only time he got any sense of independence is when he was gone for law school but now that he’s done and has returned home for the sake of his family and friends, he’s reminded once again of the repetitiveness.

Maybe that’s why he’s a little excited to meet someone new. He just had a strong feeling that you were more interesting than you let on and he wanted to know more.

He didn’t know that you felt the same and had to ignore these thoughts so you wouldn’t start anything with him. Jungkook was attractive and you’ve moved on from the fall aside from the slight bruising, and you were just trying to enjoy your time. Did you really need to meet someone?

In all honesty, he didn’t seem as arrogant covered in sweat, he looked good and he seemed nice.

But did that mean you wanted to waste your time with him?

✧

It was a crush, nothing but a small, schoolboy crush that occupied his mind from time to time. In all honesty, it was easy to ignore when he got carried away in his day to day life, it’s only when he sees you or you cross his mind for the shortest of seconds, that he finds himself getting lost. He doesn’t care for the girls his best friend likes to hang around, nor does he feel the need to upturn himself out there. Lately, all he’s wanted is to be with someone who makes him forget about himself and maybe he wasn’t looking in the right places if he thought you could help.

It was wishful thinking for him to hold so much thought over a stranger who couldn’t care less to know his name, but that’s what he liked. He wondered when he would run into you again, what he might say in hopes of getting a response and what would happen after that. He even wondered if you’d be at the beach tonight while everyone told ghost stories and drank bottles of Soju one after the other.

What does he say when he finally sees you looking at him?

You spotted him first, hating how much you wanted for him to look up and see you too. He was with his friends and you had no intentions to approach him but… well, he was cute. You can’t act like he isn’t and he’s oddly charming which makes him memorable but it was a bad idea. This trip was meant to be fun with your friends and that’s it—you weren’t going to make time for strangers.

“For once we don’t have to worry about an Uber and can walk our asses home,” Hoseok said standing over a keg, “So I don’t know about you guys, but I’m blacking out tonight.”

”When has anything ever stopped you from accomplishing that?” You asked him, turning your back to the familiar stranger, “You’re never the one ordering it anyway.”

”No, he’s usually the one we’re pushing into the backseat,” Hyeri joined in on the teasing.

“Shh, why do I always feel judged by you two? Is this what friends are for?” Hoseok pretended to be hurt as he filled your cup with beer.

“She’s not from around here, is she?” Jungkook asked as he looked across at you. You haven’t noticed him—he doesn’t think—but he’s noticed you and for some reason that excited him. Well, for one specific reason and it was simply the fact that he likes you. Does he know enough about you to pinpoint this statement? No, but he knows that he feels strange when you’re around. That has to mean something. The longest relationship he’s ever been in was with Yeaun and he doesn’t remember feeling this excited to meet someone.

“How would I know?” Jimin asked when a scoff, barely bothering to look over at you. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “You rather think about her than Yeaun? You’re insane.”

“Are you sure it’s Chae-hi you like and not Yeaun? You sure do bring her up around me a lot,” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Isn’t it obvious? I want you to get back together with Yeaun so that Chae-hi will think about me instead of her ‘heartbroken’ friend,” Jimin handed him a cup of beer, “Take one for the team.”

“No, I don’t think so,” He chuckled, “We broke up for a reason so don’t push it.”

“Not a good reason,” Jimin mumbled under his breath but Jungkook chose to ignore it.

“There you are,” the devil herself said as she found him, “We were wondering where you two ran off, right?”

“Right,” Chae-hi agreed, “Hi Jimin.”

“So, it’s kind of boring here isn’t it?” Yeaun asked looking at Jungkook for assurance, “Plus all the low lives are starting to come in and I really don’t want to be around any of them. We were wondering if you guys wanted to come back to mine.”

“To do what?” Jimin asked while Jungkook stood back disinterested and distracted. He couldn’t even pretend to be interested when he was focused on someone else entirely.

By pure luck, he looked back to see if you were still standing where you were before and this time you locked eyes with him. Without much care for the conversation he was supposed to be in right now, he walked off while they discussed plans involving a hot tub.

“I’m starting to think you’re following me,” Jungkook first said as you nearly bumped into him in an attempt to get closer to the bonfire. He walked alongside you with ease, “First, on the court, then at my job and now here?”

That made you snort in disbelief, shaking your head and trying not to smile, “Someone seems flattered but I think you have it the wrong way.”

“As in I’m the one doing the most to run into you? No, never,” Jungkook spoke dramatically, “This is all by chance. There’s no way I could’ve seen you from over there and decided to come and talk to you instead. That would make me seem desperate, wouldn’t it?”

“It would,” you agreed, slightly amused now as you broke into a small smile, “I didn’t take you as the type.”

“Well that’s because you haven’t tried to get to know me, I’m honestly a catch,” Jungkook joked lightly, following you where you walked off to, “Or are you scared?”

“Scared? Of what?” You asked, stopping abruptly and turning to face him with furrowed brows. He couldn’t help but smirk, “Oh I don’t know… getting to know someone new. You give me the vibe that you don’t like meeting new people.”

“I love meeting new people,” You exaggerated childishly, “When they don’t fall on top of me.”

“I caught myself, so let’s not lie now,” Jungkook snorted, “Besides, who’s the one who walked into the middle of a game?”

As he said that, the two of you seemed to have drifted far enough from where the fire had been going, that you found yourself not too far from one of the volleyball nets on the shore. Jungkook looked down at you with clear amusement as you looked up at the net and he walked up to the abandoned volleyball that sat in the sand.

“Do you eat, sleep, and breathe volleyball?” You jokingly asked, finally giving Jungkook some response that implied you were interested in him even slightly.

“Only on the weekends, sometimes around noon or after work if I’m free,” Jungkook told you, picking up the ball, “Do you play?”

“No,” you told him as he began to bounce the ball back and forth between his hands. You looked back at your friends who seemed preoccupied with whatever new friends they made for the night.

“It’s easy,” Jungkook said, “There’s really only one basic rule, don’t let the ball touch the ground.”

“Are you giving me a lesson now?” You asked with slight amusement as he moved to the other side of the net, “I’m warning you, I won’t be any good at it.”

“I’ll take it easy on you,” Jungkook tossed the ball your way and although you reached out to hit it, you missed and it landed a few feet behind you. He couldn’t help but laugh, “Okay, maybe you try and throw it.”

“But how do I throw it?” You looked up the tall net wondering how you would make it over. You held it up and tried doing a practice hit while he tried teaching you.

“Just try a simple serve, you can hit it from under or thro—“

“Oh my god,” you broke out into a nervous laugh as Jungkook covered his face with his hand. The ball sat at his feet, completely oblivious to the fact it had just pummeled straight into his face. You covered your mouth in an attempt to stop laughing but you were embarrassed and couldn’t do anything but try and laugh it off, “I’m so sorry.”

“Really? I can’t tell?” Jungkook said sarcastically, sounding eerily similar to you when you first met but still playful. In all honesty, the pain wasn’t too bad but it was humiliating and the only thing he could think about is how you’re trying not to laugh, “You think it’s funny?”

“No! No, I don’t, I just um,” you tried to stop, “I just…”

“You just what?” Jungkook looked at you, slowly making his way to your side and you inadvertently began to step back, worried he might actually be upset, “You like laughing at causing other people pain?”

“Did it actually hurt?” You asked with surprise, still stepping back the closer he got.

“My ego, yeah,” he joked, “And I feel like we need to get even.”

“We did, think about it as me getting back at you for the other day!” You tried to say, feeling the edge of the ride begin to touch your feet the farther you walked from him.

“Really? So this was all part of revenge?” Jungkook asked, “I don’t think so, I suggest you run.”

“What?” You stopped to think, “Jungk—“

And it began. He kicked water at you once the tide was close again and without thinking, you jumped back. You weren’t wearing a bathing suit or anything appropriate for the water so he can’t. You’re in a simple top and flowy, long skirt, not something you wanted wet, “Don’t you dare.”

“Why? Scared of a little water?” He tried to kick water again but this time you moved back in time and he smirked, “It’s better than getting hit in the face. Will you take care of me if I get a concussion?”

You scoffed, laughing, “Don’t you wis—Jungkook!”

He ran after you as you took off in a jog and before he knew it, you were splashing water back at him, not caring about how wet you got. The night was young and you were having a good time, there wasn’t much to worry about other than making sure you got Jungkook before he could get you.

Not far from where the two of you played in the ocean with the moon reflecting against the waves, a few pairs of eyes watched you unimpressed. Jimin didn’t have much to think about the matter, he just couldn’t understand it. Why would Jungkook waste his time on someone he didn’t even know?

Yeaun was right here desperate to have him back and instead he’s wandered off with some stranger acting childish. It doesn’t make sense, and neither does the big grin on Jungkook’s face once he caught you and tackled you into the low tide, both getting drenched in water.

“Jungkook!” He ignored the call of his name as he watched you shake sand out of your hair with curiosity. You looked annoyed even if you smiled and he knows you probably are considering he pushed you into the water but you’re not cussing him out yet. You’re not screaming at him for getting you into the water so maybe it was a good sign.

“Are we even now?” You asked breathlessly as you looked forward to where your friends were and turned away from Jungkook.

“I guess, for now at least,” He teased, walking toward Jimin, “It depends on if I bruise or not.”

“I didn’t hit you that hard,” you scoffed, smiling and shaking your head in disbelief. At some point in your ascend back up the shore, Jungkook got you to finally give him your number. You didn’t question when his friend approached him, going on about something you didn’t bother listening to and turned in search for someone you knew.

“You look like you need a towel,” someone said from your right. It took you a second to realize she was talking to you, much less holding out a clean towel for you.

“Thanks,” you said, trying to wipe off some of the sand with the beach towel the stranger handed to you. Hyeri was off talking with some guy and you had no clue where Hoseok was so as of now, you were on your own here. The girl was pretty and she seemed nice enough so you didn’t mind responding to her approach.

“I’m getting sand all over it,” you tried to make some sort of conversation, “Sorry, I’m Y/n.”

“Don’t even worry about it, I’m Yeaun,” She said with a smile, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Is it that obvious?” You asked, laughing lightly. Yeaun just shrugged as she got closer to you, “Not really, but, well… there’s just some people you should always avoid.”

Your brows began to furrow with confusion, “Like?”

“No, I don’t want to start anything,” she shook her head no, “We don’t know each other and you’ll probably think I’m meddling but… okay, Jeon Jungkook.”

You didn’t say anything to that as you tried to get a good look at the girl. Yeaun was pretty with sun-kissed skin and golden hair that shone under the moonlight. She seemed soft and glowed with a brightness that felt contagious but you didn’t know her. You don’t know why she brought up Jungkook or why she even approached you so you had nothing to say back to her.

“I just mean… you’re not from around here and you seem smart,” Yeaun said sympathetically, “Jungkook’s kind of a known player and I don’t want you to fall for his tricks, trust me, he’s not worth it.”

“Trust me, it’s not like that,” you said, suddenly disinterested in conversation with her and more focused on finding your friends, “Thanks for looking out for me though.”

Yeaun watched you walk away and not bother to turn back and she had to leave like it didn’t bother her to be brushed to the side. She can’t tell if you took what she said into consideration or if you couldn’t care less and she didn’t like that. She didn’t like that she didn’t know you and she didn’t know about your relationship with Jungkook or how you know him.

✧

His life was utterly perfect to anyone who thought about it. He had the bestest of friends, the closest family, the most money and a promising future. Everything he had ever wanted was handed right to him and in a sense, it made him arrogant. It was a given that he would end up that way and maybe that’s why he’s always surrounded himself with people of the like. He didn’t despise any of his friends, just sometimes, when he listened to the conversations they would have, he wanted to disagree.

“Yeaun said you’ve been avoiding her,” Jin said as he pulled a golf club out of his bag.

”Great, now you’re talking about her too?” Jungkook asked, lining his club up with a shiny white golf ball, “I already get enough of it from my parents and Jimin.”

“Well yeah, when you suddenly call off a year long engagement with someone you’ve known all your life, people question it,” Jin said, watching Jungkook swing the club back and shoot the ball into the air, “We’re worried about you.”

“Don’t be,” Jungkook mumbled, “Besides, there’s someone else, I don’t know if you know her, her name’s Y/n.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Jin shrugged, moving his visor down to block more of the summer sun out of his eyes. He wore white golfing gloves and a pair of Raybans, making him look straight out of a country club catalog.

Jungkook sighed, growing more restless by the minute. He’s only seen you on few occasions and he’s yet to leave a good impression on you where he can ask for your number or something, “She was hanging out with this guy, I know you know him but I can’t think of his name—you dated his sister.”

“Hoseok?” Jin asked, “I remember hearing about how he was in town. How do you know this isn’t his girlfriend you’re hitting on?”

“It’s not,” Jungkook said, “I don’t think. I don’t know.”

“But what about her?” Jin asked, hopping in the passenger’s side of the golf cart, “You don’t know a thing about the girl but you like her and you’re willing to throw away your future because of it.”

“I’m not throwing anything away,” Jungkook said with a scoff, “But whatever, you don’t get it.”

He spent the evening golfing on a private course not far from the beach where you wandered around with a book in hand.

You enjoyed passing time with your friends but sometimes, you just needed time to yourself and you would find yourself wandering off on your own without much care for anything else. Your friends didn’t mind when you went off and you always made sure to tell them where you would go so there was never any problem. Ever since you got here, you’ve been doing things on your own.

“I knew I would find you around here.”

You didn’t respond at first, still debating if the person was talking to you, but one look up told you he was. Although you wanted to resist the urge to smile, you couldn’t help it.

“Stalker,” You said with a small sigh, closing your book. He didn’t say anything as he took a seat down in the sand next to you. “You’re on my turf, remember? What are you reading by the way?”

You glanced at the cover of your book, “Nothing exciting—how’d you know I was here?”

“I looked for a dark, brooding figure and assumed it was you,” Jungkook joked, “And just an fyi, my face still hurts.”

“I’m sure you've been hit worse,” You said sarcastically, sitting up and watching him get comfortable. He was dressed in a light color linen button up and shorts, the first buttons were undone and a cliche shell necklace sat perfectly against his collarbone. He was attractive and you’ve thought so since the beginning but something was holding you back.

Did you really want to waste your time on a stranger you won’t know in a few months?

“What are you doing tonight?” He asks suddenly.

“Sleeping, hopefully,” you told him, a small smile when you noticed him roll his eyes.

“It’s the summer, the sun’s out, you live on the beach—don’t look at me like that, it’s a small town. Word gets around when a new person shows up,” Jungkook said with a shrug, knowing it’s him who had been asking about you.

“You’re just solidifying my stalker allegations, should I report you?” You asked, laughing slightly.

“I’ll have you know, a lot of people would love to be stalked by me, you should feel flattered,” He nudged your knee with his.

“What? Like it’s hard? Word gets around,” You said to him, “I’ve already been warned about getting too close to you.”

Jungkook let his brows furrow as he took in what you said but it didn’t take long for it to dawn on him. As much as he wanted to act like there was no way his ex girlfriend would approach you, he knew her too well. Who else would talk down on him? Who else would feel threatened when he ignores them? What does she think she gains from telling you to stay away from him? Isn’t it his decision who he approaches and does she think you’re just going to fall in line like everyone else does?

This is the sort of thing that pisses him off. He’s not a bad guy at all, he doesn’t sleep around, he focuses on his goals, he has fun with his friends… so why?

“But if it makes you feel any better, I’m not very good at listening to what I’m told,” You finally said, standing up with your book in hand and pulling the sand-covered towel, “And I’m starving, so where’s a good place to eat around here?”

As much as he wanted to act like the cool guy and seem indifferent, he couldn’t help but break out into a grin. Without wasting another second, he got up and motioned to carry your things, “There’s a good food shack on the boardwalk. I guess I could show you around.”

“If it isn’t too much of a hassle,” You said playfully, handing him your things.

“So, I want to know, what’s a big city girl like yourself doing all the way over here?” He asked on the way up, “Or do you still want to play at being mysterious?”

You rolled your eyes, “I don't usually play games like that, I think you’ve got me confused with someone else. I just don’t talk if I have nothing to say.”

“Interesting take, I personally never know when to shut up,” Jungkook smiled, pointing up to the restaurant and walking in behind you, “But seriously, usually the tourists come to pollute our water and get away.”

“Are you always so observant? You give me the vibe that you like to watch other people,” You told him, sitting down at a high round table across from him.

“And you give me the vibe that you hate talking about yourself. Why else would you avoid every question I ask?” He asked, raising a brow making you scoff but you couldn’t deny it. When the server brought out your menus, she made sure to greet Jungkook like old friends.

“Do you really care to know?” You asked quietly.

“Why else would I ask? I’m not pretending to be interested, if that’s what you think,” Jungkook said honestly.

You didn’t say anything for a moment, looking down at the menu contemplating what to order and what to say, “Things were getting a little too complicated back home and my friend asked if I wanted to pack up my things and follow him down for the summer and I said yes.”

“How broad,” Jungkook said with a small smile, lifting a brow and waiting to see if you would add to it.

“It’s the truth,” you shrugged.

“What was complicated?” Jungkook asked.

He looked amused when you narrowed your eyes in response to his probing. “Adulting.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Jungkook shrugged, waiting for the server to come back to take your orders. He let you order first, watching the server give you a look as she listened and followed after with his own.

“How wise of you to say. What about you?” You asked him, handing the menus back and sliding your drink closer to you.

Jungkook distracted himself playing with the wrapper of his straw and shrugged, “What about me? We’ll get to me when you give me the juicy details.”

You couldn’t help but scoff, looking out the window to the view of the waves crashing against the shore, “What? I told you everything.”

He chuckled, “Barely.”

Rolling your eyes, “Rude.”

“Really?” He asked, biting back a smile.

“No. You’re actually pretty nice,” once again, you sighed, as if admitting that was hard for you.

“Nice? That’s what you tell a guy when you’re going to reject him. I just want to know more about you but there’s not much I can go with. How long are you staying?” Jungkook finally asked you.

“A couple months, are you already dreading it when I leave?” You asked, sounding sarcastic and amused.

“Maybe, you’ve left an impression despite what you might think. Crushing you under my incredible physique was destiny.” He could tell you wanted to laugh but were refusing to do so.

“Corny.”

“Funny.” He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair and making it known that he was going to wait for you however long it took.

“I had this bad roommate situation I couldn’t take anymore and my lease doesn’t end for another two months so when Hobi asked me to come with I jumped at the chance. I left my job because it’s draining me and I felt useless so I figured it’d be easier to run away to the beach and deal with it all later. Happy? I was honest.” You rushed the words, half-assed the pace.

It was his turn to narrow his eyes suspiciously but gave in, “Content. You’ll figure it out, you don’t seem like the type to wait around for things to fix themselves.”

“Really? Because that feels like what I’m doing right now. I’m all the way over here where I haven’t done anything but run into this strange guy at the beach who I think might be stalking me,” You said, joking at the end.

“No, right now you’re trying to live in the moment, nothing wrong with that,” he chuckled, ignoring your joke.

You don’t remember much of what you said to him but for some reason Jungkook was very easy to talk to. Maybe it’s because you don’t really know him or expect anything from him at all but he got you too open up to him like you’ve known him for years. In reality you didn’t know anything about him or anyone here for that matter.

“Okay, okay, enough about me. It’s your turn,” you had finally said between mouthfuls of whatever the two of you ordered and Jungkook couldn’t avoid it any longer.

“Alright, I’m… also trying to figure things out on my own. I’m used to being with certain people and doing certain things and I don’t know, at one point I kind of got fed up with everything being so predictable. I want to meet people on my own and not because they know who I am or something,” He rushed his words, “If I could, I’d move far away from here but right now I don’t think that’s an option so I settle for next best and stick it out. In all honesty, everything’s kind of been a bore until I met you, you’re different.”

You raised a brow, mirroring his earlier stance and crossing your arms over your chest, unamused, “How?”

He smirked, “I don’t know yet, I can just tell.”

You never believe a guy when he goes on about how different you are from other girls because usually they’re just full of shit. You’re not good at picking the right person so it makes you wary to believe anything he says despite how good he looks saying it.

By the time the bill came, the server made sure to sit it without checking if that’s what either of you wanted but you didn’t hesitate to reach for yours. Jungkook snatched the small slip out of your hand and hurried the server back so he could pay for it in full, giving her a tight smile, “Just one check, thanks.”

“Sure thing,” she said with a light scoff that had you looking after her with furrowed brows. Something about the way she acted left you feeling confused.

“What a good first date.” Jungkook said at the end, walking outside with you.

“This wasn’t a date,” you teased, thanking him for the meal nevertheless, “But I should probably call it a night, y’know.”

“Oh yeah, me too,” Jungkook shrugged “But if you’re not doing anything tomorrow night, we should see each other again.”

“Hm, I’ll think about it,” You said playfully, “If I’m not busy.”

“You won’t be,” He smirked, bumping your shoulder with his as the walk turned bumpy and more trail-like as he walked you home, “But why don’t you give me your number and we can talk about it more on the phone.”

“Hah, smooth guy, aren’t you?” You asked, taking his phone and typing your number in. When you got to the soft trail of greenery and sand that led up to the backyard of the beach house.

“How about we watch the last few minutes of the sun set together,” he reached for your head and stopped you before you could head up the wooden steps.

“How about you don’t kidnap my friend for the whole evening!” Hoseok shouted suddenly, tripping over his own feet as he ran out the sliding glass door that led to the pool deck, “I’ve been worried sick about Y/n.”

“Not true, he’s been sleeping!” Hyeri yelled after him, “But you’re the guy who tackled my best friend on our first day here.”

“My reputation precedes me,” Jungkook held his hands up in surrender, “I’m Jungkook. I was just asking if you guys wanted to join us and watch the sun set.”

“How aesthetic, let me grab some bottles of Soju.”

Your attempt to end your time with Jungkook failed and he seemed pleased with himself for that. He was also polite enough to try and get to know your friends too.

✧

He was having a crisis, he thinks. A real life identity crisis because for the first time in his life he thinks he likes someone—in a way he’s never liked anyone before. It’s pathetic and makes him feel so stupid because he barely knows anything about you but it’s the truth. If anything that’s what makes him like you so much. He likes that he can’t tell what you’ll say or how you’ll react to him, it’s exciting.

He just wants to know if he’s on your mind too.

“We’re still on for this weekend right?”

“What are we doing again?” The road ahead was a scenic path between mountain and sea that led all the way to this private property of his childhood home.

“Chae-hi’s birthday trip.” Jimin spoke from the passenger’s seat of the black pick-up truck his best friend paraded in when he wasn’t on his dirtbike.

“Oh, yeah I’m not going. I was thinking of taking Y/n sailing,” Jungkook said with a small smile, looking sideways, unable to miss the way Jimin stiffened and went silent. He looked back to the road, hand tightening around the steering wheel slightly, “What?”

“Nothing,” Jimin scoffed, looking out the window annoyed now. The drive was silent for a while, nothing but the low sound of music and wind blowing through the topless truck.

“What’s up with you lately?” He finally asked, “You barely know the girl and she’s all you talk about. We’ve had plans to go with everyone.”

By everyone he meant their mutual friends—not just his ex and her friend—which made things worse. He’s known them all for years and it’s hard to see them when he wants to move on and do his own thing. Jungkook tried not to let Jimin’s tone ruin his mood and sighed, “Sorry, man, but I’m not going. Are we playing later or what?”

“You sure you’re not busy with your new friends?” Jimin asked, remembering about the night Jungkook had dinner with you. He tried calling him that night to see if he wanted to go out for drinks just to be rejected because Jungkook was too busy with you and your friends.

Jungkook chuckled, “Don’t be jealous, you’ll always be first in my heart.”

“Oh fuck off,” Jimin rolled his eyes, trying to not sound bitter as he asked, “What’s your girl doing anyway?”

“Y/n’s not my girl—yet, I don’t know. She hasn’t texted back,” Jungkook said worriedly, making Jimin stare at him strangely.

It’s not that he had anything against you personally, he just doesn’t get it. You’re a complete stranger who won’t stick around so why has his best friend chosen to hang out with you so much recently. What did you have over the people he’s known all his life? What do you bring to the table?

What did you gain from being around Jungkook?

You couldn’t explain it either. All you really knew was that a cute guy who sort of annoyed you in the beginning was starting to rub off on you. You’ve come to enjoy running into him and forcing yourself to open up because he’ll listen. It made you feel weird in a good way. You wanted to think about how fun it was to be around him and ignore all the worries you’ve had recently.

Even with your close friends, you’ve long since stopped talking about the people you were interested in. It wasn’t because you didn’t trust them or want their advice but sometimes you didn’t feel the need to say anything—especially if it was harmless fun. That’s why when Hyeri approached you about Jungkook, you weren’t sure what to say.

“It’s no fair,” Hyeri picked through a crate of strawberries, dropping them into a basket, “I wanted to find a little beach boyfriend, why’d you get lucky instead.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked dumbly, following her down the aisle of produce at the farmer’s market.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Hyeri said accusingly, “Jungkook.”

“We’re just hanging out,” You said with a shrug that made her laugh, pushing her sunglasses into her hairline. You knocked against one end of a green watermelon, hoisting it in your hands and continuing past her.

“Right, is that what you called your date the other night? Just a nice early dinner with a hot guy who asked to watch the sunset with you?” She said playfully, “You like him, don’t you.”

“I don’t know him,” You insisted. Yes, you’ve talked a lot with Jungkook recently and you’ve begun to talk about real things in your lives but did that really mean anything? “Besides, in a month and a half I’ll be in my new place settling back into the old routine. It’s just fun hanging out with him, nothing more, it’d be too complicated.”

“Whatever you say,” Hyeri sighed.

You’re lying, obviously you’re lying because you do sort of like him but you didn’t want to think about it. You didn’t want to think about what you could become, you only want to think about now and how things progress. Whatever happens, happens. That’s it. Could you pretend like you have no worries aside from who you’ll run into on the beach instead?

When your phone rang, you knew immediately who it could’ve been and although Hyeri walked ahead, acting like she couldn’t hear it, she was clearly listening. When you answered Jungkook’s call, he was quick to ask about your plans for the upcoming weekend.

✧

“You want to take me sailing?”

Despite the early hours where the sun has yet to shine through, you still couldn’t wrap your mind around it. Even walking along the dock following after Jungkook who led the way through the darkness of the starry sky. “Or are you plotting my murder?”

“Which would you prefer I do?” He asked teasingly, looking back at you with a grin, “But seriously, it’ll be fun.”

Fun wasn’t waking up before the sun did, nor was it following a man you barely know out to the sea. If it weren’t for Hyeri begging you to take up his offer, you wouldn’t be here right now.

The sailing yacht was bigger than you expected with a small cabin area below deck to sleep and wash up in. You’ve never been on a sailboat before but you didn’t think they would look this nice and clean.

“This is yours?” You asked, watching him put in the arm work to undo the rope that tied the boat to the dock.

“Um, yeah,” Jungkook answered blandly, “Kinda?”

“Kinda?”

“Yeah, it’s mine,” he cleared his throat, helping you carry your bag down to the room before bringing you back up to the galley, “I used to be on a sailing team when I was in school and after I graduated I got this for my friends and I.”

“Nice,” You looked around, still in shock at the size of the sails. It was a Beneteau Oceanis 48 with such a sleek, clean look you were scared to sit on any part of it. You wanted to ask how much it was but resisted the urge to, scared you’d sound rude.

Still half asleep, you watched Jungkook set sail behind the wheel, his jacket already off and the sleeves of his linen shirt.

“Sleep a little, we’ve got time,” he said lastly.

It went easy between you two, you felt comfortable and for some reason safe with him enough to letyourself relax around him. You can't remember falling asleep but at some point you had and when you were woken up it was with him dropping anchor in the middle of the open sea.

The waves were calm, breathtaking deep blue and you could see the line of gold separating the ocean from the sky. It was beginning to warm up but you still shivered in your thin sweater, looking up feeling awestruck by the view.

"Look who's finally awake," Jungkook said softly as he secured the wheel and came over to where you sat. He grabbed his jacket — that he had grown too hot for — and placed it over your front. You took in the light scent of his cologne that lingered on the Northface and thanked him, "You said I could sleep."

"I know," he sat across from you, looking at you with a gentle look on his eyes, "I did wake you up pretty early, but look at the view. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's nice," You leaned against the edge of the seat, staring down at the dark navy blue water, almost catching your reflection in it. The line of gold was beginning to widen and a circle of light was bouncing off the ocean beautifully. "If you plan on pushing me over the edge, now's the time."

"You're dumb," he laughed, kicking your foot with his playfully. You smiled, trying not to laugh as you looked at him, "Aren't you cold?"

"No, it's hard work getting a sail boat out and I was starting to sweat," Jungkook lifted an arm, flexing it, "But these guns never fail me."

"That's too bad, I was hoping you'd want to keep me warm but I don't want you to overheat," You teased, looking at him invitingly and his eyes shifted to the open space next to you. To set it off, you even winked.

"You know what, now that you mention it, being surrounded by this sea breeze is making me a little chilly," Jungkook pretended to shiver as he got up.

"The sun's rising, I'm sure you'll warm up again really soon," You said as he sat next to you, touching your leg and making you put it on his lap.

"Who knows, I'm suddenly freezing, come closer," he rested his arm on the back of your seat, pulling you onto his lap, "I heard body heat is good to warm up."

"You can always just put your jacket on," You pretended to argue making him roll your eyes, almost sassily.

"But you look so much better in it," He brushed hair out of your face that the wind blew over, finger softly tracing the side of your face.

"I hate to admit this but... you're too good to be true," You said honestly, shifting your gaze away, "Like, too perfect."

"But I'm not," Jungkook argued quietly, "I'm just... I don't know, I'm not acting like myself—or maybe I am and haven't realized it but I think it's you. I want to impress you."

You didn't know how to respond but he didn't mind. He was more focused on the soft glimmer in your eye as you watched the sky turn a powder blue with orange, hearing the seagulls and light whooshing sound of the sails.

It's bad how affected you're leaving him and you don't even know it.

"Y/n," Jungkook tried getting your attention again, leaned his head against your shoulder. You didn't have to say anything to know what he was asking. The first soft brush of his lips against your jaw had you succumbing to his effect. He tilted your chin with the tip of his fingers, catching your lips with his, finally.

How do you describe it?

How do you explain how soft and tender his lips felt? How his fingers grazing your skin sent a shiver down your spine and how he was surprisingly very loving with his affection?

This man who you barely knew and trusted too much was making you melt in his arms, kissing you and making it feel like you've never been kissed before.

"This is bad," he mumbled against your lips, pulling back to catch his breath, eyes still closed, "I really like you."

You gave him one quick peck of a kiss, sitting up, "Tell me all about it then."

Jungkook couldn't he'll but crack a grin, licking the taste of you off his lips. He wouldn't be able to shut up if he did.

You're beautiful, stunning, truly.

Even with your face in sand or your hair a mess, a scowl or pout, just beautiful to him. It was so stupid for him to be swayed by that but it's obviously what pulled him in first.

You were so mean—he thought, at least—but it never stopped him from approaching you. It's like he knew it wasn't your intention to come off so cold and when you'd joke back with him, he could see the hint of mischief in your eyes. It made him want to push your buttons or say something he knew would get a reaction from you.

You're different and he wishes it didn't sound so stupid like he knew you would think if he ever told you but you are. You're like no one he's met—really met, beyond surface level interests or habits. You responded differently, looked at him differently, treated him different.

"I won't shut up if I do," he said honestly, "Can't I just show you, instead?"

"How suggestive," you giggled, letting him kiss you again. There was more force to it this time, like he really meant it. The first one was firm and teasing, really testing the waters when his hand disappeared into your hair to keep you from pulling away.

You were spending the golden hour of the late sunrise with Jungkook sailing on a boat in the ocean. The view was amazing and his lips were so soft.

His lip ring is surprisingly warm when it brushes your lips, and his tongue feels slick against yours. He held you closely making you feel secure and safe [?], and at one point you made it onto his lap, practically straddling him.

You pressed closer to him eagerly and the movement makes his hands travel toward your hips for support, his jacket long forgotten on the floor. The seat was hard underneath him but if he mentioned it you might pull away and that's the last thing he wanted in the moment. Jungkook liked kissing you, he liked feeling your lips trail down his jaw and toward his neck where you didn't shy away from leaving open mouth kissed against his Adam's apple or under his ear.

"Y/n—" his hands circled around you tighter, "Have you gotten a good look at the cabin?"

Your brows furrowed momentarily, looking down the short steps to the cabin door where a big bed was seen through the window, "No, want to show me?"

You began to get up from Jungkook's lap, making his hands slide off down your hip, leading you to the cabin.

Jungkook wasn’t as subtle as he hoped to be when he pressed you into his chest, peppering your shoulder with light and teasing kisses taking you further into the room. A small smile played on your lips when you turned to face him, circling your arms around his neck.

He didn’t question it when you walked him toward the bed instead, making him sit down as you kissed and straddling him once more. You were a good kissed and Jungkook could attest to that by the way your tongue slid between his lips to seek his out. It was a surprise for you to be so forward with him but he wasn’t complaining at all. If anything it made him want to take it further. He wasn’t shy with his touches anymore and you could feel his hands circle down to your butt, pressing you firmly into his lap.

It was hard to ignore his arousal from your simple make-out. It was evident in his shorts and it made you want to keep going. You began to rock your hips against him lightly, feeling his growing bulge apply pressure between your legs.

“Can we get this off?” Jungkook asked about your jacket first, feeling you miles away and when you unzipped it, you pulled off your shirt too leaving him breathless, “You’re bolder than I thought.”

“Is that a bad thing?” You asked, watching his fingers trace down your bare sides, looking at your bra and chest. His finger hooked into the hem of your jeans as if to teasingly ask if they can come off next and you gave him the go ahead, starting to unbutton his shirt for him.

“Never,” he sighed, eyes closing when your hands touched his muscular chest. His hands snuck under her jeans playing with your underwear and grinding your hips against his worn more purpose drawing out a small groan in the process.

When your hips began to move on their own, teasing his aching member, he leaned forward to kiss along your neck, finding your pulse points with ease and reaching behind you for the clasp of your bra to get it off next.

Your arms circled his neck, hugging his head close to feel his lips on your skin and moved your hips with more determined rhythm. You’d be lying if you said his kisses weren’t turning you on and sending shivers down your spine. Jungkook slid your bra off letting it hit the floor while you wrestled his opened shirt off his shoulders and hugged him in a kiss.

“You’re so sexy,” Jungkook whispered, kissing the soft mound of your breasts, “Even when I had you in the ground covered in sand that’s all I could think about.”

“And here I thought it was my personality that drew you in,” You teased, letting him finally turn you on your back beneath him. He pulled your jeans off leaving you in your small slither of panty.

“Trust me, it did,” Jungkook said, kissing along your thighs, “Hurt my feelings that the pretty girl from the beach couldn’t care less about me.”

“A real shot to your ego,” you raised your knees

Jungkook leaned forward to catch your lips in a kiss, hovering over your body, “It really was.”

A small gasp left your lips as you felt his hand trace down the curve of your sides, slipping into your underwear and feeling the soft slope of your nether region. Your thighs parted more, letting his finger tease your clit.

“I wasn’t too impressed in the beginning,” You joked, lifting your hips when you felt his finger begin to feel around your folds, surely finding where the slick began to puddle. He used the wetness to coat your clit, raising a light sigh from your lips there he swallowed in a kiss.

“I’m well aware,” Jungkook whispered against your lips. You rose your hips to meet his hand, finding some stimulation that made your body respond with raise bumps in pleasure, “What about now?”

As he asked, his coated middle finger finally pressed into your wet cunt, with his palm against your clit and grinding into it as he pushed his finger into the hilt. You dug your nails into his tatted forearm to ground yourself against the sudden feeling and holding back the loud moan that almost slipped. He smiled, clearly amused by your reaction. He maneuvered his hand around so his thumb could find your clit and with it covered in your arousal it made the slide so much easier.

Jungkook’s long finger slide into your pussy with slight restriction, curling when he pushed all the way in and finding that sweet spot that had your breath hitching and probing at it. You were at a loss for words and he loved it, it made him want to kiss you as he brought you pleasure with just his hand. He wasn’t even asking for a response anymore, he was just trying to tell you how he’s felt while he makes you feel good on an expensive sail boat in the sea.

The sunrise had long been forgotten and replaced by the thought of how good he made you feel and he was happy about that.

"Oh, fuck." You gasped, gripping his armas he hooks his finger at just the right angle. You didn’t even have to tell him that was the spot that made your toes curl, it’s like he just knew it.

"Like it?" He asked, repeating his previous action, kissing along your neck for added stimulation.

He could feel you on edge of orgasm by the way you pinched his arm but he didn’t care about the slight sting. He cared more for the glazed look in your eyes, walls tightening around his finger.

It’s like he knew exactly when the last push would be, and his pace grew more rough, ready to get you there and finally your body gave way to pleasure.

“Pretty,” Jungkook said softly, feeling your release around his hand, letting you ride out your high and pulling his hand back when you were ready. Your breathing was shallow and the sight of your breasts falling and rising with each breath was hypnotizing. When he pulled back, he couldn’t stand the constriction of his shorts anymore. Without thinking, he licked your release off his hand before yanking his shorts down along with his usual Calvin Kleins.

Jungkook didn’t say he was ready to go further, but you could tell just by the way his cock sprung free from its confines. It was pretty and long, not too think nor skinny and fit his physique perfectly. He stroked himself here and there for some friction but didn’t hurry you along. Instead, he let you catch your breath as he watched in awe at the fact that he had you in bed with him.

“Come here,” you motioned for him to come closer with your index finger and sat up, fully naked before him and getting him in the bed with you. Jungkook followed in a trance, kissing you thoughtlessly and nearly biting your lip in surprise when your fingers touched the tip of his dick, feeling the pre-cum that leaked from the slit.

You barely had your hand wrapped around his pretty cock, giving him a small jerk up his length when his fingers circled around your waist to stop you, “Not tonight.”

You tried to read the expression in his eyes but he just kissed you lovingly, “I want to feel you, all of you.”

“What a giver,” You said playfully, kissing the tip of his nose and laying back with him following after you. He held your legs apart, lining his cock at your entrance, “Can I? I’ll pull out.”

You gave a nod of your head, looking down as his cock pressed forward, aching to feel the tightness of your wet walls hugging him.

You’re not sure what came over you then, but the feel of his dick pushing past your entrance made you feel bold. Your leg hooked around his waist, pulling him forward and watching how his jaw went slack. Jungkook looked down at how eagerly you took him and his arms nearly gave out, eyes rolling as he processed the sudden pleasure.

You still needed a moment to adjust to his size and he practically fused himself to your body, trapping you beneath his muscular figure, “Fuck.”

His movements were slow at first, thrusting gently to find what felt good and what didn’t, running gentle hands over your breasts so he could feel the fullness of them. When he thrusted his hard length in, his thumbs were circled your nipples, pulling his cock out and pinching at them. Something about the leg you had around him drove him wild, feeling your territoriality over him even if there was a chance it meant nothing.

“Jungkook,” you moaned softly at a particularly harsh thrust, scratching at his back unintentionally, “Feels good.”

Something was happening inside of him that he couldn’t explain. He wanted to say things he shouldn’t, things that were too soon to admit and he had to bite his tongue to stop himself. The only other way he could stop himself from sounding like a fool was with his mouth on you and the closest thing to him were your perky nipples.

Jungkook never slowed the steady pace he set fucking you but with the added pleasure to your chest, his tongue circling around your nipple and sucking lightly, had you seeing stars. You’d nearly forgotten where you were till you looked out the windows, seeing the clear sky and the pretty water making this all feel more surreal.

Jungkook hugged you close, hand gripping your thigh and inching it higher around himself as he fucked you rougher, taking pleasure in bringing you close again and this time around he couldn’t bother being as gentle. He wanted to, he swears, but he’s so turned on by you that he couldn’t be patient at all. You didn’t even seem to mind when his hips slammed into yours, turning you to lay on your side, fucking yourself on his cock with more vigor knowing he needed release too, and let him manhandle you however he wanted. His free hand snuck into your hair, pulling slightly when he dragged you into another kiss and groaned against your lips.

Neither of you had to say anything to know you were both close, and it made you impatient. You moaned at the roughness, letting yourself get lost in the feeling unripe you couldn’t take it anymore, once again cumming with little control of yourself. He held you so roughly to his body, not letting you go as you struggled to catch your breath and you knew it was taking everything in him to not let go inside you. That’s the only thing that had you pushing away from him, trying to sneak a hand down to touch him but the second you did, his cock spilled thick cum into your hand, creamy and white. You wanted a taste badly.

Jungkook moaned your name quietly, feeling pathetic to cum so easily by your hand but he couldn’t hold back anymore. It took him longer to bounce back than you, and when he opened his eyes he caught you pressing a finger to your tongue, taking a small taste that left him shuddering.

“Don’t do that,” his voice said, raspy and tired tone.

“You did it to me,” You said, licking your finger clean, “And you made a mess.”

“Sorry,” he couldn’t help but pout, looking surprisingly cute to you even with his hair a sweaty mess and the afterglow of sex on his naked body, “Kiss?”

A grin spreads over his face when you lean in to kiss him, happily kissing you back more gently now.

���Would I sound wimpy if I said I needed a nap?” It pained him to even ask but he was suddenly so tired and relaxed in your arms. It made him feel unmanly to even think to ask but he couldn’t help it, he could lay in bed all day with you if it was an option, “We can worry about breakfast later—perhaps when it’s consider lunch or an afternoon snack.”

You laughed softly, snuggling into him further, “Let me at least clean up a little and then we can sleep for as long as you want.”

Jungkook smiled happily, letting you leave to the bathroom as he hurriedly tugged the bedding off. He wasn’t too worried about the boat, knowing he properly set anchor and the water was calm today. If anything the light rocking of the boat could lull him to sleep if you were in his arms.

“Are you sick of me yet?” Jungkook asked, watching you drift in and out of sleep as he drove away from the shipping dock. It was the evening and the hours spent in the open sun was exhausting, even with how sweet it felt. At least he thinks you might feel that way.

If he were being honest, he could still be with you longer. There hadn’t been enough hours in the day for him, “Or do you think we could still get dinner?”

“We can, but I need a shower, I’m sticky and sweaty,” You said absentmindedly, catching the way he bit his lip with a smirk that had you smacking his arm, “Don’t be gross.”

“I didn’t say anything,” He laughed, grinning as he thought about the way you said his name when you were naked in his arms, “But, I want to take you to my family home. My parents are gone for the weekend and it’s closer than my apartment.”

“Are you hiding your apartment from me?” You asked jokingly.

“No, but I live with Jimin and I want to be selfish and have you to myself longer so your place is out of the question too,” Jungkook admitted.

“And what am I supposed to wear? I didn’t really pack clothes,” You looked down at his linen shirt you currently wore, only panties underneath thinking you’d be going home after the eventful day.

“Something mine, you look good in what’s mine,” Jungkook said with a wink, “I’ll make us something nice—maybe get something ordered…”

“Oh I guess.”

You didn’t question the drive away from the houses lining the beach in his pick up truck. You stared out the window and watched the view turn more scenic would hillsides and small rocky edges, more nature-esque.

Songs played quietly that Jungkook would sometimes hum along too with a perfect pitch that had looking over at him from time to time. When he would catch you looking, he’d stop immediately and tighten his hands over the steering wheel.

He was nervous.

His family home was empty and he could go to it whenever he pleased but did he really want to bring you along? Open up another side of himself just for a few more moments alone? Did you mean this much to him?

Swallowing his nerves, he turned down a private road with tall trees and white gravel. It stretched on for a mile before ending at private gates. You sat up, slightly more aware of what was going on when he lowered his window to type in some code, hearing someone speak through an intercom, ‘Welcome home, sir.’

He could feel your eyes on him and he just smiled, “Wash up first?”

“Please,” You said, looking away, staring straight ahead at the colonial house that appeared in view. It was obscenely large with endless windows and greenery surrounding it making it all the more intimidating.

This is his family home, yours couldn’t compare.

Still, you tried not to question it.

Jungkook didn’t bother driving back to the private garage, he pulled up to the circular driveway by the fountain of a water nymph and got out of his truck, opening the door for you. It should’ve dawned on him that something was going to happen. The lights were on when no one should be home.

Still, he’s already brought you this far.

“Jungkook?”

His hand stopped at the handle of your door, just barely pulling it open but with little room for you to step out. You stopped moving instantly, watching the way he visibly stiffened, face hardening as he looked off to the distance.

“You’re here, what a surprise.”

“Mom,” he turned around immediately, “I thought you guys weren’t home.”

“Well, if you would answer the phone, when I call, you would know your father’s trip was canceled,” a women in a tweed Chanel suit and a tight smile stepped down from the entrance, “You’ve brought company?”

As if being summoned, Jungkook looked at you, motioning for you to step out and although you didn’t want you, you did—undressed and exhausted. The woman was stunning and classy like you’d never seen, somewhat taken back that she was the mother of the beach boy you’ve met.

Not to mention, it was too early to meet anyone’s parents. It made you sick to your stomach even as you smiled politely, “Hello.”

“This is Y/n,” Jungkook reached for your hand, “We were just stopping by.”

“When you thought no one was home?” She asked, making you look at him. He was grown, clearly, but still scolded and questioned like a child.

Jungkook didn’t say anything but you could feel him squeeze your hand when her eyes traveled over your barely dressed figure. He at least had on a t-shirt that was in his truck and his shorts.

“Why don’t the two of you clean up, we’re having dinner on the terrace,” She said looking unimpressed, “I’ll have a maid find you something more appropriate.”

“Oh, we don’t want to bo—“

“We have guests so don’t make a scene, I already had to make an excuse for why you wouldn’t be here, you can’t leave now. Even if you do have sudden company.”

That shut Jungkook up quicker than you’d ever seen. It wasn’t that you couldn’t catch on to what was happening, but more so you could wrap your mind around the reality of it. You moved almost as robotically as he did, sneaking into the house unsure what was going on aside from doing as told. He took you into his bedroom, pulling you in the bathroom with him and washing up. His entire demeanor changed and you didn’t know what to do.

“Should I go? I could probably get Hoseok to get me,” You told him honestly. You weren’t upset — not yet. As far as you knew, Jungkook might have a complicated relationship with his parents meeting the person he’s sleeping with, especially considering how recent things are with you. Neither of you are ready to meet the family, it’s just fun summer things. You’d say the biggest shock was that Jungkook seemed to be wealthy and likes to keep that private but does that make you worried?

“No, I want you here with me,” Jungkook said, swallowing hard and opening the door to his room, finding something folded on the edge of his bed. He handed it to you without much thought as he got dressed.

It was nothing crazy, just a light colored sundress and you had to dry off quickly so you could join him downstairs. Part of you wanted to call your friends but what would it mean if you did?

“What a surprise, brother, and I see you’ve finally brought someone new along,” an arrogant voice spoke up from the large dinner table on the terrace. It was a candle lit dinner with six guests aside from the two of you and you immediately reconciled a familiar face.

“Hello, sorry for keeping everyone waiting,” Jungkook said stiffly, “This is Y/n.”

“We’ve met,” Yeaun said when the others looked at you confused. Their greetings were bland and uncaring but you tried not to think too hard on it, “On the beach, right?”

“Yes, I remember,” You tried to smile, looking at Jungkook just as confused as everyone.

“Yeaun is a family friend,” Jungkook explained to you.

“An ex-fiancée,” His mother said coldly, making him freeze.

Why was she saying this?

“Darling,” an older version of Jungkook with salt and pepper hair said to his wife in warning.

“We’re on good terms though,” Yeaun smiled tightly, “Things have been changing recently, haven’t they?”

She asked you like you would know—like you were the reason for it but you were too stuck on what she was to care.

Ex-what?

“So, are you still going with the firm?” A woman sitting next to his brother said to him. That made his brother laugh, “He’s still playing around Jin’s auto shop.”

“Is everyone already eating? What about us?” Jungkook looked at you suddenly, “Should we get served?”

The firm? What firm? What fiancée? What was going on?

“Y/n, what about you? Are you new in town? Who are your parents?” The dad asked, making all heads turn toward you, a member of who you assumed was house staff, began to serve you and Jungkook dinner.

“Dad,” Jungkook tried to say but he didn’t get very far.

“I’m just here for the summer, I’m from the city,” You told him with a smile.

“How’d you meet?” Jungkook’s mother asked.

“On the beach,” You told her plainly. She didn’t say anything in response but you could feel the way her eyes narrowed at you like she was trying to read you. You weren’t lying or anything but it felt like she didn’t believe you. Under the table, Jungkook’s hand touched your thigh but in all honesty you didn’t even want him to touch you. It’s not anything serious, you were just confused and uncomfortable in this situation. He should’ve just taken you home or let you call Hoseok.

“A city girl, huh? You must have a big job, right? What do you do?” His brother asked.

“I’m in between work right now,” You said honestly, just as you had told Jungkook who seemed to be open to that idea and understood why. Sometimes, doing the same routine in a career you didn’t have passion anymore left you drained and you needed a change of pace. You explained this to him and he made it all feel okay so why were you being looked at strangely?

“So wasting your time over here is what you want to be doing?” His mom asked.

Jungkook took a deep breath, wanting to speak up but unsure how to do so. He obviously hasn’t told you anything but his relationship with his family is complicated. The added guests made it all the worse. Has he always been such a coward?

“That’s what it seems like,” You said bitterly, looking over at Jungkook with a cold expression.

You don’t remember much of the rest of dinner, only that you hated every second of it and how you just wanted to go home. You checked out of all conversations after a while and watched the tension between them with little interest. What you’ve learned is that Jungkook is good at keeping things from others even when he begs to know more himself.

The irony, it was annoying. By the end of dinner, you didn’t care to know what any of them had to say, much less Yeaun who everyone continued to remind you was his ex that they all loved dearly. They were saying it for a reason, like if you wanted to take her place and be with Jungkook who belonged to a group of people who won’t let outsiders in.

“Well at least she’s pretty,” you remember being told.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing Jungkook said after dinner but you didn’t bother to acknowledge him. Instead, you led the way to his truck so he could take you home.

The car ride was so eerily silent that it felt deafening. He tried and tried to talk to you but you just ignored him, not caring at all for whatever might come out of his mouth and he can’t really blame you.

“You lied to me,” You said finally, staring holes into his dashboard.

“I didn’t mean to,” Jungkook admitted, “Everything I’ve said to you is true.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes and looking out the dark window, “Just take me home.”

“Y/n,” Jungkook reached across the middle console for your hand but you crossed your arms over your chest and shifted away from him even more, “I’m sorry, we should’ve just gone somewhere el—“

“Look, it was never going to work out anyway so just take me home and we can both go on with our lives because clearly we’re nothing alike at all,” You said bitterly, “I was just dumb enough to believe we are. It’s been a long day.”

He wanted to argue but for the first time since he’s met you, he’s left silent. He’s a coward, he’s aware of that now and it felt sickening to realize it finally. He’s always been the type to do what he’s told, follow the plan his parents have set out for him and this is the first time he’s realizing how much he hates it.

When the truck pulled up to the front of your house, he began to unbuckle his belt, quietly saying, “I’ll walk you to the d—“

The car door slammed shut in the middle of his words and although he knew it was better for him to give you space, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t let you walk off on him without trying to really hear him out—just let him get his thoughts together. As pathetic as it sounds, Jungkook feels like a kid again. He feels anxious to be ignored or scolded.

Without a care for gentleness, he swung his side door open to the large truck and got down to follow after you, “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t realize they would be home and if I did I wouldn’t have invited you over. I just wanted to spend more time with you.”

“That’s not the problem, Jungkook,” you said back to him, “The problem is that you’re so secretive about everything and fine, whatever, you don’t have to tell me but don’t act like you want to know anything about me then if I can’t expect the same.”

You released a sigh at his silence, turning away, “Go home.”

Your front door slammed in his face shutting him out and he could see people staring through the window; probably overhearing everything and he wanted to disappear. When had things gotten so complicated for him?

He missed the days when he didn’t have anything to worry about but now that he’s starting to see the people around him more clearly, he’s realizing he doesn’t like it at all.

✧

It took you days to think about Jungkook again, mostly because you wanted to ignore him and he was making it easy for you. He has only messaged and called a couple times before he got the hint that you don’t want to talk to him and gave up.

You can’t tell if you preferred that or wished he kept trying but you had to move on. The two of you weren’t dating, you hooked up on a boat before realizing his family are pretentious assholes and wanted nothing to do with him now.

You know he’s not his family but at the same time these are people he surrounds himself with and if he was attracted to someone like Yeaun, there was no way he was into you too. You barely know her but you know enough to see that you’re nothing alike.

“What are you looking at?” Hoseok asked, looming over your shoulder.

“Apartments, I still can’t find anything good, I think I need to go home for a few days and do some in-person tours,” You told him with a sigh, scrolling through listings, sitting alone in the beach themed living room that looked fresh out of a cape cod magazine.

“It’s not a quick commute,” He said, “Besides, I already said you can stay with me till we find you a place, there’s no rush.”

“I know, but there’s nothing better to do,” You said with a shrug.

“It’s called avoiding,” Hyeri said, sitting on the edge of the couch, “So Y/n’s probably not gonna come back if she leaves now. You’re mad at Jungkook.”

“No, I’m not,” you rolled your eyes, “That’s over and I haven’t done anything but laze around all day. I need to get my shit together.”

You just want to go home.

“What’s up with you? You’ve looked mad all day,” Jimin pointed out as he mindlessly dug his feet into the sand. He’s dragged Jungkook out after days of not seeing him but his friend couldn’t care less about the beach or hanging out with him. He actually didn't want to hang out with anyone.

“Is it the thing from the other night?” Jimin asked like it was so simple, “Yeaun was talking about it, so you’ve introduced your new girl to the family and it didn’t go so well?”

“Jimin.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you really my friend?” Jungkook asked, sitting at the bottom of one of the net posts, squinting up at the sun.

“Are you kidding? I’ve been around since you were in diapers, you’re like a brother to me,” Jimin said with a laugh, “I just don’t agree with some of the decisions you make.”

“Like?” He pressed for more.

“I don’t know, I just think you have a lot going for you and lately you’ve been acting like you don’t,” Jimin said, shrugging, “You passed the Bar Exam a while ago and instead of going to your dad’s firm you’re wasting time at Jin’s. You don’t answer the phone when your family calls and you ignore your friends for…”

“Say it.”

“For some chick you don’t know,” Jimin scoffed, “I don’t get it. It’s always been you and I, Chaehi and Yeaun. Always. Since we were kids and suddenly you break it off with one of the only girls who’s been here for you and find someone new to entertain yourself with. It’s weird.”

“Asshole,” Jungkook rolled his eyes, kicking off the ground and leaving his friend behind. He wasn’t sure where he was going but he just wanted to be alone.

Were you really just some girl? Is that what everyone thought? Yes, things had been incredibly easy with you but did that mean you weren’t anything more than a fling? As dramatic as it sounds, every interaction with you has been probably the best he’s ever had.

You’re funny, pretty, smart, and so much more than he ever imagined. You pulled him in and pushed him away in the best way possible. Of course it’s been strange getting rejected but you do it in a way that tells him to keep going. You were always there to listen to his obnoxious flirting and when he did decide to tell you anything about himself, you didn’t judge.

He’s so stupid for not doing the same. He wanted you to open up to him because he wanted to get closer to you but he didn’t allow himself to do it too. It was unfair so he understands why you’re mad but he can’t stand it.

He wants to call you but would you want to listen?

Jungkook found himself walking toward the boardwalk hoping the bustling energy from midday was enough to distract him. He thinks you remind him of something different, being somewhere different where he didn’t have to worry so much about what he did or who he was with. Jimin’s right that lately Jungkook hasn’t been doing anything to be apart of his family’s plans for him. He’s kind of been trying to live in the moment and clearly that wasn’t so bad. That’s how he met you and besides, it’s not like he hasn’t been thinking about his future. He just doesn’t see it here in this small town where everyone knows his name. He sees himself somewhere far in the city where he could just blend in with everyone else and do what he wants to do, be with who he wants to. It’s you, it’s seriously you.

You’ve opened up his eyes a little and he hates that his lack of honesty has pushed you away. He can’t even blame it on the uncomfortable dinner because if he wasn’t such a coward, he would’ve done more. He can’t deny that there’s something up with him and he has no doubt in his mind that you have something to do with it. Barely knowing you has done so much more for him than the people he’s known all his life.

Your best friends wanted you to forget about your plans on leaving, knowing you too well to believe you would come back. You’re not the type to do so. If you set your mind on leaving, even for a short time, you wouldn’t come back especially knowing you could run into Jungkook whenever. Maybe you were a coward too because all you ever wanted to do was run away when things get complicated and the last thing you had wanted was for this trip to get that way too.

They dragged you out of the house for a late lunch that you weren’t even hungry for and as a way to distract you but it did the complete opposite of that. Instead, you were brought to that restaurant you came to with Jungkook and the same server who you’ve seen now talk with a girl Yeaun was always around. They were friends and it should’ve been the first sign that you would never get him. You were never part of the plan around here, you were a step back to everyone involved with him and it made you bitter.

How’d you catch the attention of someone so unavailable?

“Come on, I haven’t bought a single thing here, I’ve been too busy working on my tan,” Hyeri said, pulling you along behind her to a clothing stand of sundresses, “We’ve got a few more weeks here, I think it’s time I fit the vibe, right?”

“Yeah,” You told her, looking through the rack of dresses absentmindedly. You wandered away just a little, to a table filled with jewelry and ran your fingers over certain metals and gems. You weren’t thinking much on what was going on around you, too distracted choosing between gold and silver to notice the person standing yards away looking stunned.

For the first time in over a week, Jungkook has found you again, on the beach, looking as breathtaking as usual. After all you’ve been avoiding him, he can’t help but hesitate. Does he approach you or not?

“Y/n?”

You looked up, brows furrowed slightly at who stood in front of you, “Yeaun.”

“Hey! How good to see you,” She smiled her usual tight smile that never quite reached her eyes. Up close you could see just how perfect she must seem to everyone from her height to her figure and tone of voice. She usually wore gold accessories and bikini tops or dresses. She was your perfect ‘Girl Next Door’ but if you paid enough attention to some of the things she said, you’d see how backhanded it all seemed.

“It was such a surprise to see you the other night. I guess none of us knew you were with Jungkook,” Yeaun said it so casually even if you could tell she was prying, “Where is he by the way?”

“Why don’t you ask his mother? The two of you seem close,” You tried not to sound bitter but you’re sure your body language gave away that you were. You searched for Hyeri who was looking at dresses on herself in the mirror and Hoseok left to get snow cones so once again, you were alone in her presence.

“Yeah, sorry about that, our parents go way back,” Yeaun said with a wave of her hand, “It’s a small town, y’know. Everyone knew we were high school sweethearts and when we got engaged everyone was so excited. You can imagine their surprise when we broke it off—sorry, you probably don’t want to hear about this again. I’m sure Jungkook has said enough.”

“It might sound strange but he doesn’t bring you up at all,” You told her, failing to say how you haven’t talked to him, “I guess he got over it a long time before anyone else did.”

“I guess so,” her stupid smile once again, “I like you, you’re good for him and I’m sorry if his family seemed closed off. They’re kind of exclusive with who they bring around. They don’t want just anyone around their sons. I’m sure you can see why, Jungkook is perfect, right? A lawyer in the making, athletic, kind…”

“Silver or gold?” You asked, holding up two different sets of earrings. She blinked in surprise, choosing one and trying to carry on, “What I mean is, he’s the whole package so everyone wants him but he also has a lot of responsibilities. If someone isn’t able to stand behind them all and support him… maybe they’re not the right fit—especially if they won’t stick around.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment, setting the earrings back down and smiling, amused by her audacity, “Who broke it off with who?”

“It was mutual.”

“Doesn’t sound like it was,” You said with a smile, beginning to walk away from her, “But don’t worry, I don’t usually like competing for someone’s attention. I guess I didn’t realize you did, so good luck.”

“Meaning?” Her eyes narrowed.

“Meaning, you’re wasting your breath talking to me because I don’t care what you have to say,” You said sweetly, “But it was so nice seeing you again, hopefully next time we’ll have something new to talk about.”

With that, you left her behind, nearly walking past Hyeri on the way, “Where you going?”

“My phone’s dying, I’m going the house,” you told her quickly, continuing to leave before anyone else could run into you.

“What’d you say to Y/n?” Jungkook asked, pushing his way through the crowds of people, getting to the stand too late and watching you walk away.

“Nothing,” Yeaun raised her hands in feigned surrender, “I was just catching up. Why so worried?”

“Where’s she going?” Jungkook asked Hyeri, ignoring Yeaun who called for him.

“To the house?” Hyeri said, confused by whatever she missed but she couldn’t even ask when Jungkook practically ran after you.

You cut through the beach instead of taking the long route down the street. You walked farther and farther away from him but he never stopped.

“Y/n! Can we talk?” He asks, catching you by surprise but you didn’t even act like it. You merely threw him a glance before walking faster.

“I’m kind of in a hurry,” You lied, stepping over the grassy parts in the white sand where you could see more residential properties.

“Look, I’m sorry. I really am, I should’ve been more up front from the beginning but I swear I didn’t keep things from you to hurt you,” Jungkook said, not stopping his pace even when he can see your house in the distance.

“It’s fine, I’m over it,” You told him, not turning back again as you looked up at the back deck of your house. You still walked closer to down the shore than the trail but you would get there soon.

“But I’m not, I… can’t stand the thought of you being done with me,” Jungkook said honestly, “Since I’ve met you all I can do is think about you and I’m kicking myself over letting you find things out in a hard way. I don’t like the way you were talked to and I should’ve said more but I didn’t and I regret it so much.”

“Jungkook, I don’t care,” you groaned, whipping around to face him, “I don’t care that you kept things from me. I don’t care that there’s something seriously wrong with your family or your ex fiancée. I don’t care if everyone thinks I’m not good enough for you and do you want to know why? Because it’s the summer and I’m not from here and it was fun to fool around in the moment but it’s too complicated now. I don't want anything to do with it. Are you getting it now? I want to go home and forget all about this.”

“You want to leave?” He asked, getting closer and closer, “And what happens then? We just never see each other again because I didn’t mean anything to you?”

“I guess if that’s how you’re seeing it—“

“Bullshit,” He scoffed, “I don’t care how long we’ve known each other or not, you want me just as much as I want you but you’re letting everything else get in the way. I’m sorry, I don’t know what else I can say or do to express that.”

“I’m leaving,” You argued, stepping away, “I’m going back to my normal life and you can go back to yours. Stop making this a bigger deal than it was.”

“What if I don’t want to? What if I think you’re the best thing to happen to me in a while and the thought of you just leaving doesn’t sit right with me? What if I say I don’t want this to just be a summer thing and I will follow you wherever you go if it means I get to talk to you more?” Jungkook kept going.

“Oh my god, Jungkook. Open your eyes! Join the real world, please!” You groaned, too frustrated to bother getting away, “We still don’t know much about each other, clearly. You live in this perfect little bubble with people who care about you and have plans for you. Why can’t you see that? Why are you wanting to throw that away for someone you barely know?”

“I’m not mad, I promise,” You tried to say, “Our lives are just too different and I’m ready to go back to mine—“

Your words were cut off by the rough pull into his arms. Jungkook’s touch was tender yet forceful, dragging your face toward his until your lips clashed messily and you kissed him back. Like a fool, you kissed him too despite everything you were saying.

It made your heart race, practically feeling his want for you and unable to help yourself from succumbing to it.

He can’t remember how long the kiss was, but long enough for his chest to grow heavy with a need to breathe that he had to pull away. His forehead rested against yours, “If you still want to leave… okay. I can’t make you stay but I really want you to, Y/n.”

You didn’t say anything, knowing you did want to leave. At this point it was more for yourself. No matter how harsh they were, they were right. You needed to get your act together and stop avoiding the problems in your life and that meant you needed to go home.

“And I promise that I’m going to see you again whether it be here or somewhere else,” Jungkook said.

FOUR WEEKS LATER

Jungkook was enamored by city life, he’s grown to learn about himself. Something about the tall skyscrapers and bustling traffic excited him like no other while other people hated them. Of course he missed the beach, surfing, volleyball, his friends… but this was for himself. He needed to do something on his own even if it meant doing something unimaginable but it was for the better.

He misses working with cars but he knows better. He put all that work into law school just so he could avoid it and do something else and he needed that to stop. Even if he didn’t work in his father’s firm, that didn’t mean he couldn’t get his foot in the door somewhere else.

After you left and all his distractions were gone, he was able to focus more on what he wanted to do. He got on his laptop to look at internships at other law firms and one day, in his endless searching, he found a small office to work in. It was in the city and it didn’t take him long to pack up his things and go to it. It started problems—of course— but it didn’t stop him, especially knowing you were somewhere here too.

You’ve barely talked since you moved back but he still misses you. He missed you and him on the beach or sailing in the sea. He misses making you laugh or roll your eyes and he wonders how you’re doing. He kept in touch with Hoseok and Hyeri after you left and when they followed suit at the end of vacation, he wanted to ask them about you but he knew better. He knows you weren’t just a fling but maybe one day you’ll come back and give it another shot.

“Iced Americano?”

“I didn’t order one,” Jungkook said as he sat alone at a table in a nice cafe. He didn’t look up until the cup was set down in front of him and when he was ready to tell the barista it wasn’t for him, he froze.

“I know, you don’t really give me ‘Coffee Drinker’ vibes but I figured it was worth a shot,” You sat down across from him.

“Are you stalking me?” He asked, dumbfounded and confused but more excited than anything. He couldn’t believe you were here, at the same place as him by chance.

“Well, I was going to ask the same, this is my usual stop before work and I’ve never seen you here before,” You said, continuing the conversation with him like it never ended.

Jungkook couldn’t help but smile, “Well, you see, I’m new to town and trying new places since this is on my way to work.”

“Is it?” You asked, “You must live around here.”

“As it turns out I do,” Jungkook cleared his throat, “It’s a recent move but one I don’t regret.”

“How are you?” You asked with a shy smile and flushed cheeks, the autumn air beginning to take over.

“Better now—after this coffee I mean,” he teased, taking a sip and scrunching his face in disgust.

You bit your lip in thought, “Actually um, it’s good I’ve run into you. I think there’s some things we should talk about but I have to get to work soon.”

“Well I still have your number, and we can always catch up over dinner?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” You smiled nervously, standing up, “Tonight?”

That made his heart race, “It’s a date.”

::.

holy shit that took forever for me to update

idk how I feel about this but also after a while I think too hard on my work and can’t look at it anymore so please lmk when you think

permanent taglist

most of u are new but I tried to include some of my old, active members of the taglist and if I forgot about u pls lmk <3

permanent taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @saweetspoiled @babycandy111 @jeonninja @skzthinker @lilliankoo @lesoleile @burnahtsw @kooloveys @ku-ku @chaelvrx @whoa-jo @sunnikthv @kochycooky @acielelyseen @giselleswifeee @ilikeitlikethatt @bangmechanpls @lvr2seok @badbyeyoongi @artmsmaid @xyahrinx @angeleen777 @jooniesxbby @maryy1300 @annabtsangels @hyunjinswifeee @bangtans-momma @butterymin @kaiparkerwifes @junggukjeonfreakinwife @tridha345 @ily4jknity @ivygguk @ryuzakiswife-blog @futuristicenemychaos @honeybunnykoo @eunhee-jk @aindrila @cherrymoonlightt @parkinglot-nights @llallaaa @crooked-haven @butterflykpop @sakuragongju @ackward-maknae @investedreader @junggukjeonfreakinwife

[pinkie-quinns]

rocker eddie/actor steve | exes to ????? (yearners?) | fame au p5

p1 p2 p3 p4 interlude p6

Steve says he's flying out to New York for meetings. That’s what he tells everyone. That’s what he does. He's courteous, even lets Eddie know he’s in the city, that he can maybe, maybe stop by his place later.

But he doesn’t tell Eddie he’s coming to the show.

He gets there late, hangs at the very back of the venue, the nosebleed cheap seats. He’s in uniform, black jeans and scraggled tee. Bit of liner under his eyes, baseball hat and shitty prop wig he stole from set. It should be enough for most people to not look at him twice.

It’s the worst spot he’s ever had at one of Eddie’s gigs, but he couldn’t take the “I’m with the band" seats Eddie had offered him. Like he’s still some kind of accessory. Couldn’t take the c-list celebrity box seats either. Cause, well– he’s not supposed to be here.

Eddie’s a blip on the stage from where Steve’s standing, but it makes his idiotic traitorous heart swoop all the same. He’s only been on tour for a month. Steve wasn’t supposed to miss him this bad.

He’s really not supposed to be here.

Eddie's solo stuff has always been too wordy, too raw. Like he’s Dylan in the body of a metal star. It makes Steve's gut sore.

It’s mostly songs from his latest album, at least. Seemed like Eddie had a bad run in with benzos last year. Which also kinda makes his gut sore.

Eddie plays the hits. It's been years but the ones from "Penitence" cut like fresh wounds. The crowd goes wild for Dead Weight. But Pavlov's got the one-up on Steve. Those first three chords still make him want to crawl out of his skin.

It’s nearing the end now and Eddie drops the band, walks up to the front of the stage with just the spotlight on him. He’s holding Lucky, the old pawn-shop acoustic Wayne got him when he was twelve. He used to strum it between joints in the back of the van.

He’s– he’s nervous.

He coughs into the mic. “Hey uh, um, I've got something special for tonight. I don’t really do covers and uh, especially not ones that–” He cringes, grits his teeth, “Well, this isn’t exactly my sound.”

It was unsettling how nervous he was. Steve could fill journals full all of Eddie’s fuck-ups and flaws (and he has, many, many times.) But performing? That was undeniable, coded into his DNA. Eddie was a great performer. He was never nervous on stage.

Eddie's hands tremor at the tuning keys. “But uh, someone couldn’t make it tonight- a um, well. An old friend.”

Shit.

“–And he really used to really love this one.”

Shit shit shit shit.

“So, uh, yeah. Sing along if you know it.”

Steve knows it. One chord in and he knows it–

It’s Dave fucking Matthews. Eddie hates Dave Matthews. He's the total opposite of anything Eddie considered worthy art. His sound, his look, his ability to fill stadiums with every guy that wears sandals in a 50-mile radius, everything.

More importantly, Eddie’s fans hate Dave Matthews. If they don’t, they keep that close to their chest. Hell, not even– Steve spent enough of his early twenties bopping around dive bars with Eddie's crowds. They'd take that shit to their grave.

Eddie's already on thin ice with most of them.

Steve knows most of them resented the experimental sound of the new album, knows sales are low. He’s heard enough of Eddie's 3 AM pillow talk bitching about it.

There’s multiple audible groans. Someone in front of Steve whispers, “What the actual fuck.” in total disbelief.

But Steve doesn’t register it. Not really. Not over the blood rushing in his ears. Over the sound of Eddie crooning, “Who’s got their claws in you, my friend? Into your heart I’ll beat again."

Truth was, he hadn’t listened to that song, that whole album, in over a decade.

Steve would start up the car, like always and “So Much to Say” would play, like always. But there were no loud puking noises from the passenger seat, no pile of empty, over-dramatic threats. Just dust in the sunlight where someone had loved him, once.

And he couldn't stomach it.

He can't stomach it now. Eddie in front of 13,000 people. Shaky and vulnerable and too-himself for them all to bear witness.

It’s– fuck. Steve’s nineteen and the bimmer’s out of gas and Eddie’s cursing this song out, but his hand is under Steve's sweater and it's warm.

The third verse now and Eddie's crooning about forgiveness, about begging and haste and “Holding you so, boy.”

"Boy". Not "Girl". Unmistakable.

Steve wonders if anyone noticed. Eddie’s not out, not really. But he dedicated a love song to an old friend. Maybe he is now.

Then it’s all too much. Too big for him to hold. The love and hurt and longing and bullshit and near-two decades worth of sludge dredging up his throat and crashing down, pulling him under.

Steve doesn’t wait for the song to end. He keeps his head down and skips out before the encore.

[mazzystar24]

Let’s discuss how much Bobby said to Eddie when talking about Shannon “how did you make that happen?” And eddie responds “i didn’t”. Are we to believe Eddie, didn’t make the first move? Just like Ana and Marisol; he HAD to be forced/told into it? We know that got together at 14 and pregnant at 18. Were they together the whole time? How stable was their relationship before finding out she was pregnant?

See this is why an Eddie begins again episode is a psychological need as part of his queer arc

Like there is such an interesting thing abt the Shannon and Eddie dynamic where you have to distinct what parts are the truth of it and what parts are the glossed over romanticised in her death version

Also the comp het element of Eddie is just sooooo blatant and like interesting because it’s one of those where it’s not a leap or even a really buried and hard to dissect thing that’s like sprinkled every now and then, instead it’s like a consistent “hidden” piece woven into all of Eddie’s narratives, you know what I mean?

But back to Shannon and Eddie as you said like we know the whole getting together young and the pregnant young pieces and we also know that at some point they RECONNNECTED so there was a period where they were friends or knew eachother then not then reconnected and then got together then got pregnant

See but then it gets more complex because we have Eddie saying things about how they were magic together when we saw a really different marriage dynamic and then you have him say that the church is the biggest reason they got married in a convo about his catholic guilt, you have him say he positive things about being married to her but you know as the audience that he spent most that time separated or fighting, and even when he says that he liked being married to her it comes off more as a liking to be married rather than liking the marriage or the person you’re with

And even when he was daydreaming that post sex scene nothing about it is inherently sexual or about them in fact the whole conversation is about how he is choosing to let her back into Christopher’s life and “giving him his mom back for Christmas” like people use that scene as a “straight Eddie defence” saying it’s him fantasising about sex with his ex but I’m sat there like brother in Christ watch the actual scene how is this sexy talk or anything other than proof that in Eddie’s sick little brain (affectionate) Shannon and therefore Kim can complete this idea of what he needs for his son

Also controversial opinion that I THINK I mentioned before but I’m really not a fan of Shannon, like the way she spoke about Chris and his CP will never not rub me the wrong way (to put it lightly) and her leaving with zero contact imo makes me low-key hate her and I hate the comparison ppl try to make for when Eddie “left” and this kinda links in with the next part

I think that the show keeps doing too much retcon/romanticisation of Shannon’s character in relation to not only Eddie but Chris too, but they can sorta mend that in a really perfect way by having some sort of onscreen perhaps in therapy acknowledgement from Eddie that he does in fact romanticise her and their relationship since her death while diving into why he does that and what their relationship ACTUALLY was like

Like what’s really interesting to me also connecting to the comp het element is that Eddie as a character is not passive, but when you get into his LI relationships there is this like compliance and like conformity to them

Like by his own words he didn’t pursue Shannon, he also married her largely cos of the church and despite having really ott romantic ideas for chimney’s proposal suggesting that he does have a side of that, he actually admits his proposal was pretty much well guess we have to get married now, when talking about Ana he canonically was following Chris’ heart not his, said something about “gonna have to stick it out” when talking abt her, then we have marisol and that mess and have lines like the catholic guilt, him not being that sad about potentially breaking up with her, him not having said anything to indicate to bobby he wanted to move in with her, etc, etc and we have Kim and that mess which honestly is its own category outside of the LI list

But yeah like totally agree with you like the shannon/eddie thing is in desperate need of a real unraveling in the show out loud preferably in therapy with Frank because that man needs to pull his weight fr 🤩

I have a degree in yappology fr

[sandpanckes]

"Give me a kiss Big daddy, you so pretty”

YA YA ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

𓇼paring:: lo'ak (human) x tsireya (human)

𓇼genre:: mature (explicit sexual content)

𓇼word count:: 1.9k

𓇼warnings:: 18+, aged-up characters, blowjob, vaginal fingering, oral sex (f receiving), overstimulation (kinda), doggy style, some dirty talk, m ejaculation... i think that's it

Tsireya sometimes hated her body, specifically how her body responded to Lo’ak. It was instinctual, the way she leaned into his touch, the way she smiled whenever he was in the room. He made her body happy, like he was the missing puzzle piece that completed her puzzle.

Sometimes, her feelings would overwhelm her and it didn’t help when he would smile or do something small that he remembered she liked from 9th grade. He was just so loving and caring and perfect that sometimes she wanted to jump him like a leopard.

Hence her dilemma as she stared at her phone, alone, in their apartment. Today was Lo’ak’s maintenance day, meaning he spent the day getting his hair re-braided and cut. He spent two hours in the shower this morning, shaving, since Tsireya hated too much body hair and immediately left for his classes before Tsireya could appreciate the results.

After, he sent her a photo with a cheeky emoji, showing off his new hair. It wasn’t anything outlandish-it was his typical long braids with the side shaven-but that didn’t stop the want thrumming through her. He just looked so handsome.

His barber was a good twenty minutes away from the house so Tsireya liked the photo before putting her phone away and trying to focus on her homework. She had a paper due at the end of the week and words failed her as she was halfway through till the word minimum and couldn’t find anything else to type.

Typing a sentence, she would delete it as it didn’t flow with the rest of the essay. Then, she would think about Lo’ak and his new hair.

Not now.

She tried to focus on her assignment but it was futile. Every three minutes, Lo’ak would pop into her mind with his long hair and big calloused hands and his soft lips that would-

Getting off track for the umpteenth time, Tsireya just closed her laptop and put it on the coffee table. The last thing she wanted was to write her fantasies down on Google Docs and her whole document be deleted.

Giving up, she just leaned back and closed her eyes to fully immerse herself into her thoughts about Lo’ak.

He was her favorite person to think about. The way he talked and rolled his r’s, the way he walked and strode with his long lanky legs, the way he smiled showing off his fangs that were weirdly sharp for human canines.

Tsireya’s thoughts turned darker as she thought about his taunt stomach, the way it flexed under her when she was on top. The way little grunts and whines left his mouth when he was under her control, hands held above his head. He always looked so pretty.

She had the sudden urge to bite the soft flesh of his neck but frowned when she realized he wasn’t home yet. The things she’d do once she got her hands on him.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the key lock turn and the door open. She opened her eyes and saw Lo’ak walk into the apartment, hair freshly done with a new gold necklace that glimmered in the low light of the apartment.

He looked absolutely delectable.

Tsireya’s tongue jetted out to wet her lips. He looked better in person, the pictures he sent not doing him justice.

“Hey baby.” Lo’ak smiled, unaware of her thoughts, and took off his shoes and book bag by the door.

Walking over to where she was on the couch, she raptly watched the visible veins that flowed through his forearms to his hands like small rivers. Focusing on his hand, she noticed he got a manicure too.

Her mind became hazy as she thought about all of the things she wanted to do to him, all of the things she wanted him to do to her. She almost thought he got his hair cut and nails done on purpose just to fuck with her.

Not wasting any time, as soon as Lo’ak was by the couch Tsireya reached out to tug the waistband on his joggers. He laughed but she kept tugging him closer until he was standing in front of her and she was eye level with a part of his anatomy that she’d been dying to get her hands on since he got home.

She felt like an animal in heat and she briefly wondered if this is how Roa felt before mom got her neutered.

Oh well.

She pulled his pants and boxers down, ignoring his yelp when he suddenly became exposed to the cold air of the apartment. Immediately grabbing his dick, she stroked it until it was erect, which didn’t take much as she looked up with hooded eyes.

“Fuck, what’s gotten into you baby?” Lo’ak groaned, reaching to cup her face.

Instead of responding, she ran her tongue along the whole underside of his dick. She could still taste the soap his used earlier.

Moving her hand to below his tip, she squeezes gently until pre-cum leaks out and she spreads it on her lips causing Lo’ak to groan. Then, she places open mouthed kissed along the length until she reaches his balls and back.

She loves when he responds to her getting messy during blowjobs.

Back at the tip, she breaths on it causing his dick to twitch.

“Tsireya” He rasps out.

Finally moving to take him in her mouth-slowly-she doesn’t stop until he’s down her throat.

Looking up with watery eyes, she swallows around him causing Lo’ak to curse.

Moving his hand to hold her hair in a ponytail away from her face, Tsireya starts to move her head creating a suction that hollows out her cheeks.

He’s in her mouth, slapping her cheek, against her tongue, he’s all over her face and mouth and she loves that his grip on her hair tightened. It stings slightly and she loves that she can make him loose control. She smiles as she hums and swirls her tongue around his head.

Lo’ak’s breathing gets heavier and he’s whining by the time she’s edged him to an almost climax for the fifth time. Her hands are squeezing his balls as she hums, enjoying seeing him unravel in her arms-and well mouth.

“Please.” He moans.

She moves her hand to the spot behind his ball sack and continues her mouth ministrations when she presses down on the spot hard.

“Tsireya.” He grunts out and spills down her throat.

She swallows his cum with his dick still in her mouth and he groans again, closing his eyes. Removing herself, she looks up at him with a mess of spit on her face. 

Coming back to his senses, he opens his eyes and moves his hand from her hair to her cheek to wipe the spit off. “Fuck, Reya.” He breathes, his voice hoarse.

She giggles and he hooks his hands under her armpits to carry her to the bedroom. He throws her on the bed, and she squeals when she hit the soft mattress. Getting up on all fours, she wiggles her ass in the air, knowing he can see her old flimsy underwear under the oversized shirt she’s wearing.

Joining her on the bed, he impatiently rips her underwear off-she got it on sale so she couldn’t be too upset.

Immediately, he plunges into her and she groans.

Her shirt rides up, exposing her breasts. Lo’ak reaches to hold them and grunts when the shirt gets in the way every time he rocks into her. Frustrated, he pulls a moaning Tsireya upright to take the shirt off and flings it somewhere in the room. Tsireya falls back down onto the bed and slumps when she’s no longer able to support herself.

She rambles how good he feels, even though he can’t understand because it slurred Spanish. Instead, Lo’ak follows her down, still buried deep inside of her. She can feel his cold necklace against her back and it makes her mind spin.

He’s still on his knees as she laid, pliable. Lo’ak fixed his back so he could grab her arm and pulled.

Her fists clenched as he used his grip on her forearm to pull her back onto him to meet his thrusts. “You take my dick so well baby.” Lo’ak pants.

Tsireya mewls as he fills her to a hilt again. When he quickens his pace, her moans get louder.

He’s found the perfect angle and she chants his name with every thrust, tears leaving her eyes with how good she feels.

Lo’ak pauses. “You okay, babe?”

She can only limply nod as he returns to his furious pace, panting above her as his pupils are blown wide open. He watches as he moves in and out of Tsireya, his vision blurred from lust. He doesn’t know how much longer he can last when she lets out another loud moan, surely alerting the neighbors what they were doing. He couldn’t find it in him to care.

Tsireya mindlessly murmurs cariño as he brings her closer to her release, chanting his nickname like a prayer until his balls hit her clit oh so perfectly and she’s tumbling down a mountain.

“Tsireya.” Lo’ak moans from above as he spills into her.

Slipping out of her, she listens to him murmur praise about how pretty her pussy is from behind as he watches his cum drip out of her. Lo’ak makes a move to touch her but she collapses on the bed again as her legs give out.

Not to be deterred, he moves to play with her overstimulated vagina, sticking in two fingers and spreading them once they were in her warmth to play around with their fluids. Not having control of her body anymore, she tilts her hips up to seek more friction with his fingers. She moans when he curves his fingers and hits her g-spot.

He tentatively leans in closer and swipes his tongue across her clitoris making her pulse against him. Receiving the signal he needs, he flips Tsireya onto her back and grabs her legs so they are wrapped around his shoulders.

Still too out of it to put up much of a fight, she allows him to and whines loudly when he put his mouth around her clit and sucks while moving his fingers in and out of her at a calculated pace. She temporarily supports herself on her elbows to look down at him and almost cums again when she sees him look at her with darkened eyes.

Doing a trick with his tongue that makes her eyes cross, she flops back down and arches her back off the bed against his hands holding her hips down. He does it again with a hum and suddenly she’s cumming again, hard.

She grabs his braids as he continues to lick her overstimulated clit and tries to tug him up. Feeling what she’s trying to do, he takes his fingers out of her warmth and holds it up in the light to see it covered in both of their fluids before holding it near her mouth. Opening her lips, she takes the fingers into her mouth and swirls her tongue around his ring and middle finger, tasting them together on her tongue as he watches from his position on top of her.

“Good girl.” Lo’ak smiles before grabbing her cheek with his other hand and replacing his fingers with his tongue in her mouth for a passionate kiss, moaning when he can taste both of them on her tongue.

She loved that man to pieces.

[mexswiftcan]

🐾First Listen🐾

Hi! I'm gonna post my first impressions of TTPD! And probably will make another post when I listen to it a second time reading the lyrics

⚠️MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️

🐾Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)

omg it sounds amazing

ALCOHOLIC??????

endless February hits home...

Post Malone's voice is incredible

when she says "I want to kill her" is she referring to herself?

daaaamn, nbnc was her telling us she really did want to kill him

MOVE TO FLORIDA????

I want to cry so bad right now

🐾The Tortured Poets Department

nice drums!

straight from TTPD or from the psych ward? lmao

she uses typewriters now haha

sounds kinda like 80's music, I looooove it

f bomb

hahahah name drop was funny

now I'm crying

she really did want to get married, this is so sad

i thought i was gonna be ok because my ex broke up with me over a month ago, but i wasn't prepared, this album has hit home so hard

🐾My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

you should've seen him when he first got me?? so relatable

still low-key 80's sound

her voice sounds soooooo wonderful

this one is personal too, i can't stop crying

stole my tortured heart sounds like "my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue"

told me i'm better off, but i'm not... so this is in her delulu era

this is starting to be too much for me

🐾Down Bad

DAMN THE VOCALS

sent me back where i came from

crying at the gym lmao, been there

i think this is my favorite album

in a field? sounds like twilight to me, when Edward leaves Bella

the suicide intrusive thoughts are so loud damn

this is very situationship like imo

i'm not ready for track 5

🐾So Long, London

sounds like voices in your head, like when you go crazy

omggggg the soundssss

i'm crying even harder

stopped cpr? = i can't find a pulse in ylm?

stitches undone = "you drew stars around my scars, but now I'm bleeding"

this is so sad, i can't

where were the clues? = "were there clues I didn't see?"

she's gonna send me to a psych ward

you found someone, did he cheat?

🐾But Daddy I Love Him

dress unbuttoned wedding dress maybe

Florida again????

they protested too much

i know i'm crazy but he's the 1, so delulu and relatable

bitching and moaning lmaoooo, her people really did hate the person she's talking about

thinking they can change the beat of my heat sounds like ylm in some way

i feel the pain of when everyone tells you to run, but you're in love

now everyone loves him but it's over, or did i hear that wrong?

🐾Fresh Out the Slammer

he was with her????

her voice is so pretty

i will never lose my baby again is so sad, like she thought there was a chance

the changeeeeeee omggggggg

HIS AMERICAN DREAMS = "salute to me, I'm your American Queen"

the park = centennial park

imaginary rings, he couldn't even afford paper rings lmao

what did she do her time for?

🐾Florida!!! (feat. Florence + the Machine)

it's true she's a cheat??

woooow the way she sings Florida, the beats

my cheating husband disappeared???? again, nbnc, i probably heard that wrong tbh

all the bodies that have been in my body = "but like the dollar in your pocket, it's been spent and traded in, you can't change where it's been, reminds me of me"

did she say fuck me in Florida? or fuck me up Florida?

this song sounds so chaotic, i love it

who tf lives in Florida? that's all i wanna know

🐾Guilty as Sin?

again, her vocals are amazing

am i allowed to cry?

i will need a dictionary for this one lmao, i can't understand the chorus at all, like i can barely recognize words

inside a vault?

without touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin? so they both cheated or what

crucify me anyway, like Jesus but also reminds me of "burning witches even if you aren't one"

this has glitter pen hints imo

🐾Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

the pianoooo

you don't get to tell me about sad

crash the party, hits different ("I slur your name 'til someone puts me in a car, I stopped receiving invitations") and betty ("but if I just showed up at your party")

we should be afraid??

what scandal was contained?

i mean, in a way i am scared of her

that bass sounded like pink floyd - esque wow

THE ASYLUM

her voiceeeee is just

that's why we're still singing along

her vocals are so raw, yet beautiful

again, the piano

🐾I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

sounds like this is about the rat

her voice

sounds like old music, i can't pinpoint which decade

i'll show you heaven = "I could show you incredible things magic, madness, heaven, sin"

dangerous man for her or for her image?

🐾loml

sounds soft, like folklore

from one kiss to getting married

never quite buried

you took me to hell = "Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven"

i felt a hole, i know that feeling

shit talk me under the table = "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me, at tea time, everybody agrees"

i wish i could recall how we almost had it all

it was legendary = "i didn't come here to make friends, we were born to be suburban legends"

the pianoooooo

the background vocals sound like tolerate it

🐾I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

she's having the time of her life, is she talking about herself?

who is that in the background? Jack? Sounds English so idk

22 vibes

you know you're good if you can do it with a broken heart

i can pass this test = "never impressed by me acing your tests"

fake it 'til you make it = "and it's fine to fake it 'til you make it 'til you do, 'til it's true"

i love the vibes, kinda glitter pen

the rawnesssssss

🐾The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

how am i already crying?

they ghosted you, great unfollowing

i want to know, me too girl

the breathingggg

your queen had gone, his American dreams? his American queen?

the piano keeps slaying

he definitely cheated damn

she keeps comparing herself to Jesus

now he crashed her party? betty??????? i guess they didn't end up together, like she wanted

🐾The Alchemy

chemicals sounds like meds

oh, yeah, hospital and best sleep lmao

ditch the clowns, get the crown = "when they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns" / "you were my crown, now I'm in exile seeing you out"

the greatest in the league : smallest man who ever lived

the beats are so good

🐾Clara Bow

who looks like Clara?

she keeps talking about dying

is she talking to herself?

never seeing the lights of Manhattan / the suits in LA = "someday i'll be living in a big old city, and all you're ever gonna be is mean"

dazzling = bejeweled

beauty is a beast in all fours demanding for more

be heavenly

YOU LOOK LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT

So she IS Clara

[penname-artist]

Tidbits #7

Q & A: "The Most Dangerous Game"

Notice: this chapter of 'Tidbits' is reposted from it's original document of 2021, and may no longer be up-to-date with current headcanons

Tanel asks: Does Dipper low key idolize Blade? And does she find him kinda hot?

Since it's a bit blunt to put it in one sentence, I'll just explain Blade and Dipper's relationship kinda full-circle. Dipper came to Piston Peak the year following Blade's promotion to battalion chief. She had recently moved from Alaska, as though she'd packed up nothing but bare necessities and gotten out in a hurry - and then some. She wasn't even prepared with her hangar on the air attack, just dumping what little there was and sleeping on a barren air mattress until someone said something.

That someone happened to be Blade. Midway through her training and rather displeased with her mediocre results (even a new chief has high standards), he eventually consulted her about her rushed and disheveled mannerisms. That's when he learned why she was here.

She had been big on dating up in the mountains of Alaska, big on parties, and big on drinking. Really big on drinking. So much so that it became her greatest means of escape when she found herself in unsafe relationships. It was then that she also learned about her mood disorder.

Well, those things all combined, she messed up. Big time. After a heated argument with an ex ended in literal flames (she was sketchy on the details), she decided in recovery to turn her life around. A 180 turnaround. Of course, her peers all believed it was just talk - she would always go back to the way she was before, after a while. But this time was different. This time she learned from her near fatal mistake. Over a stupid, pointless matter.

Piston Peak was a lucky shot. She'd been scouring fire departments hiring untrained recruits, with limited success. Of course, most of her small town places had volunteer fire stations, but they never had the right folks to train her. Not an aircraft. Then there was trying to find a way out of the mess of relationships that followed her all throughout the state; So she knew she was making the right call picking a position in a wildlife park down in Cali. Finally, a fresh start.

But that didn't come without bumps. Between being new to her surroundings and to her career, stress and anxiety got the better of her most nights. Blade, at least, was an understanding enough chief to help her through it, endlessly patient while she made her slow progress, and remaining by her side to remind her, in trying times, why she was doing this. Of course it was for others, but there was more to it for Dipper. She did it for herself, too. It was the job that gave her a new purpose, and allowed her to abandon the alcohol once and for all.

She looks up to Blade as not just a mentor, but a friend, and maybe even something of a father-figure. If she had known about CHoPs before Blade, she might have seen him in a more romantic lens, but Blade's the one who even slipped her the show tapes to play late in the night, introducing her not only to that show, but to 70s and 80s tv shows as a whole. Yes, you heard it first. He didn't tell her directly, though she put two and two together, but he gave up the secret of his past life, that she might make it through her certification training.

Tanel asks: [Also] Does Blade think that he himself is good looking?

I think if you were to ask him that directly, you may get one of two distinct types of answers: either the deadpan stare that conveys "I literally spent thirty years in denial hating myself for shit that was out of my control", or the ever sarcastic "obviously; why else wear the red?"

By which, in both ways, he of course means that he used to - very much - when he was younger, and before Nick died. Jury's still out on whether he has the ability to think that <i>now</i>. It's probably he's more pleased with his position in life now, as opposed to his physical appearance.

Sharatrap123’s Destiny asks: Ok i'll go first, so this is about Dusty, what exactly inspired him to become a racer to the point he'll almost die? (Even though i'm him in another Universe i had a different reason)

Well to be fair, I don't think young, naive, dreamin' Dusty would have noticed when he started racing that it had the potential to kill him. That was much more of an afterthought, and to this day he will push that possibility to the farthest corners of his mind.

In regards to what inspired him to become a racer though, it was mostly through watching the races on television. As a young pup always running in and out of the house with his brother Chase, the television their family owned was usually left on with something they might sit down to watch (if only to keep them out of Tess’s garden). If it wasn't a cartoon or a holiday special on, it was air racing. Dusty in particular was fascinated with it, to probably an unhealthy level. He had racing idols, and collected merch from their racing lines; he was always waiting impatiently for new races to go on the air; and when he was fourteen, their father finally broke in, and took them to see his first real air race. It was then that he also saw Ripslinger, for the first time ever, and how incredible of a racer he was, even as young as he was (he was only 18 at this point in time). So, while his desire to become a racer was fueled through his rival to-be, his love of the sport came through the most millennial thing probably ever. XD

Sharatrap123’s Blade asks: Has Blade had that giant urge to kill or dismantle Cad? (Not the first time i tried to either when i became part of the team, i was not the chief yet either)

Well, let’s just say that Blade’s mind is a very dark place that should be ventured into with the utmost caution. That being said, Blade never had any true intentions of harming Cad. He’d be more than pleased if karma came in and evened the odds, but otherwise he spent those five years dealing with him by grinding his teeth (to the team’s dentist’s dismay) and hoping to chrysler they fired him…eventually.

[Anonymous] Bandit asks: Does Blade love his team? Has he physically protected all of them before?

Abso-fucking-lutely! XD

The whole team is a tightly-knit gang of pirates (truly) who’ve got each other’s backs, not just in their profession but in their own lives. Technically speaking, any time Cad was on base trying to wrestle more resources out of the team’s grasp, Blade would step in to shield the team, so to speak, from harm. At that point it became second nature that whenever the asshat showed up, Blade was the only one ‘permitted’ to speak with him. Not that anyone else wanted to anyways.

As far as more physically protecting his team, well that’s hard to say. Being the chief, he kind of always does, though even he can’t protect everyone all the time from harm. Probably the closest he’d have gotten to physically putting himself between team members and danger are the above mentioned, the mine scene from the film, and an upcoming moment in ‘Emergency’ that I won’t spoil details on. ;)

(Present day editor's note: I have no idea which 'Emergency' moment I was referring to)

[Anonymous] Bandit asks: [And] has Blade or Cabbie had to bail the jumpers out from anything they may have gotten themselves into?

Ah. Many times. In many different ways!

Okay technically, none of them have ever actually had to be bailed out of jail before. They’ve run into shenanigans with cops numerous times, but never to an extent past getting tickets. Being offroaders, they don’t have quite as many rules they have to follow, and that might just be for the better.

As for Blade and Cabbie (and Windlifter, and Maru) bailing them from other trouble...they’ve some stories to tell. Going to the humanized size of the spectrum for a second, there’s a very particular ‘incident’ I want to call to attention, and that was a night very recent in time. The Smokejumpers, Dipper, and Dusty were all in the main hangar, presumably watching their TV shows. Nothing out of the ordinary there. The adults were in the mess hall, discussing courses of action with road construction and other changes going on in the park. They were alerted, however, to the growing sound of shrieking from across the base.

Blade and Cabbie decided to be the ones to step out and see what was going on. If there was a snake or some other creature in the hangar, they would need their Pest Control duo. (why Blade and Cabbie you ask? Windlifter isn’t a good pest controller because he always wants to take the animal to a part of the base that’s safer and give it some sanctuary to live in, never really dispelling the issue, and Maru makes a scene out of ending the creature’s life. Blade and Cabbie are both the middlemen of the four, so they have to dispose of critters accordingly.) But low and behold, it was not an animal in the base, nor were there any catastrophes or dangers. Nope, what they instead walked in on was the boys of the group all sitting leg-splayed on the floor in a circle, toe-to-toe, spinning a half-empty bottle of Gatorade across the circle and yelping at every close-call to their jewels. The only male member missing from that circle was Dusty, who was on his side halfway to the fetal position, unable to breathe; he was the first to bow out in the game of chicken after a direct hit.

Nutball is truly the world’s most dangerous game.

(Present day editor's note: anybody else hear a...faint ticking sound, like...some old, unforgettable memory...? Is that chanting I hear...?)

Tanel asks: Are helicopters naturally predators? Would Blade's natural ancient instinct be to murder Dusty?

Well biologically, helicopters are most closely related to members of the Delphinidae, or dolphin family, with models Blade’s size most relative to orcas. So technically speaking, yes, it is in their biology! It’s believed that small aircraft have roots in the Delphinidae families as well, though more branched off (as though the airplane and helicopter evolution split at the dolphin family) but they do share a lot of close association with Bottlenose dolphins. It’s very possible that these biological histories are what leads Blade to feel so strongly against Dusty during the events of the film, though I will say all aircraft and vehicle species have evolved massively beyond the instincts of instantly killing something below them on the food chain.

Still, evolution being what it is, it’s not crazy to assume there’s a predator/prey association between the two of them! (In hindsight, this may be a dangerous headcanon to be putting out, on the chance someone will go “Predator and prey? *insert evil laugh and that little hand-rub thing* “I know just what to do with them!”. Though, at the same time...I am 100% okay with that. XD)

Story time is over for this round, I had some good questions though. The inbox is empty yet again, so unless I have more questions brought in I think my next Tidbit will be another miscellaneous explanation, or perhaps some wild facts about a character.

Oh here, actually, let’s try this, y’all put it to a vote, who out of these options do you want to see more headcanoned facts on?

-Ripslinger

-Skipper

-Windlifter

-An original character (you can decide, my main two right now are Oscar Woods - Dusty’s lover boi - and Cassidy Lopez - Blade’s adopted grandniece.)

Okay that be all, ta-ta!

[forest-hashira]

stopping by to ask for a bedtime story. pls tell me how you met the boys and and and i must know how the first date went <3

hi em!!! i'm so sorry this wasn't a bedtime story for you yesterday i was too intoxicated last night to be able to say this coherently...

ok so. i have an age gap going on with stsg, but i didn't know them beyond reputation for a long time (i attended kyoto jujutsu high, so they weren't my teachers dw). i didn't actually meet them until after i graduated. the higher ups, unsurprisingly, sent me on a mission i was not cut out for, so they stepped in and saved my ass. i was embarrassed as hell and kind of on my guard (hearing utahime-sensei bitch about gojo for years will do that), but they were both really nice. suguru made sure i wasn't too badly hurt after they'd taken care of the curses, but i did wind up kind of snapping at gojo for pushing me out of the fight completely (i said something along the lines of never being able to learn to defend myself if i never got to fight), and he just kinda... stared at me bc he didn't expect me to talk back to him. suguru apologized on his behalf, asked again if i was ok, and offered to escort me back to where i was staying (i didn't take him up on it).

cut to a couple weeks later. stsg were in kyoto for some meeting between the staff of both high schools, i was back on campus between missions (i just kinda..... never really moved out of my dorm after graduation, whoops) and ran into them again. before i could say literally anything to them (didn't get out any sort of greeting at all), satoru was blurting out a very awkward apology for how our first meeting had gone. i forgave him, and we exchanged small talk for a bit (i hated every second of it, small talk makes me Insane), and then they had to leave for another meeting, but before they walked away, satoru handed me a little piece of paper with their numbers on it, telling me if i ever needed anything just to reach out to them.

i put their numbers in my phone but didn't contact them for a few more weeks, until i was given another mission i had a feeling was more than i could handle. they agreed to come as backup, and promised not to interfere unless i really needed help. everything went fine in the end, but i appreciated them being there and keeping their word about not cutting me out of my own mission.

we texted back and forth occasionally after that, until one day they invited me out to a little cafe when i was in tokyo for a couple days. i didn't know until afterwards that they intended for it to be a date, i just assumed i was third wheeling, since their relationship was no secret to... pretty much anyone in the jujutsu world, and because i'm oblivious as hell so i didn't even know they were interested in me.

after that (failed) date, they decided to split up and each take me on a solo date. sugu went first, which toru wasn't happy about, but he spent a fair amount of the date talking toru up to me, which i thought was really sweet, but i was absolutely blown away when he told me that satoru had been pining after me basically from that first meeting.

anyways. my first date with suguru was to a secondhand bookstore, and then afterwards we had lunch in the park. it was fairly quiet, very low key, very nice; very him. my first date with satoru was to a roller rink. i have terrible balance so i spent the whole time clinging to him and wobbling around like a newborn baby deer, and he ate it up. when he finally had mercy on me we left the roller rink, he took me out for ice cream. it was a little chaotic, very high energy, very bubbly; very him. they both walked me home after our respective dates, and asked permission before kissing my cheek. it didn't take long after that for me to fall for them, hard.

wow ok that was..... a lot longer than i expected i'm sorry for talking your ear off em 😭

[jseobsky]

Rant destroying the phrase "he talked one octave lower"

w/c: 711 words.

okay I gotta confess something- my biggest fanfic and books pet peeve is when they say their voice goes an octave (even worse if it's more than one octave) lower or higher, HAVE Y'ALL TRIED IT?! I mean talking one octave low doesn't seem that bad (even though I've tried going one octave lower than my talking voice and it's impossible for me to talk like that) BUT WHEN THEY SAY THAT SOMEONE'S VOICE IS LIKE THREE OCTAVES LOWER- bro- no 😭😭😭 Like just to put it into perspective 😍😍 let's say that someone (like me) talks around G3 (G/Sol is the note, 3 is the octave it plays) If I were to talk three octaves lower I would talk in G0, fine right 😍😍 WELL NO BECAUSE NOT EVEN A GUITAR BASS GOES THAT LOW😭

Telling you why down below 😘

To put it into kpop perspective. If I were to talk one octave lower, I would be talking into stray kid's Felix deep voice range. AND if I were to talk three octaves lower I would be talking two octaves lower than Felix's deep voice. Talk about talking like a demon.

(plus if Felix's were to talk three octaves lower , that's the example that made me write this, he would be talking around the octave -1 and the octave 0, which is ✨😍not possible😍✨)

Let's talk higher now, since I've also seen some examples. Going back to me, I talk around G3, if I were to go one octave higher that would be on my singing range, for example Violeta by Iz*one is in G major so to give an approximate idea on how high it would be, I would be talking in the range where they sing most of the pre-chorus (fun fact the "violeta" that goes to the chorus the "vio" part is in G4, the things you learn when you want to prove a point)

I can talk in that voice, sure, but let's look the three octaves higher 😍 Remember, my talking voice: around G3. Singing: can go to G4. But how does G6 sound like? 😱😍🤟

Remember playing in those kid pianos that are kinda big and you feel like a piano master playing random keys. Just me? Or remember those electric pianos that your music teacher, if you had one, had that you always wanted to just play one note for the funzies? Those pianos are usually between two kinds, a 49 key piano and a 61 key piano.

What octaves does each piano has? Well a 49 key piano has a range between C2 to C6. While a 61 key piano has a range between C2 to C7. (we're going to ignore the fact that the lowest note, the one you played at the end that sounded so deep after playing each note is higher then my three-octaves-lower-voice) So basically, my now three octaves higher voice would be that annoying note at the end of a 49 key piano that sounds so high you wanna punch someone (totally not bcs I'm autistic and hate high pitch noises)

Again, kpop perspective. Ateez's Junho high note in wonderland (the end high part on kingdom) is a B5... A B... FIVE, I would be talking 5 tones HIGHER than that. WJSN's Yeonjung hits a G5 in secret, so does Chuu in hi high, both just one octave lower than G6.

I looked up the highest kpop high notes, as of 2018-03-17 a video made by DareDB KPop Classic gave some examples of the highest notes sung by a female kpop idol, there are some examples on the G6, but it's mostly just trying to hit the note not holding it for a little. However I discovered something 😍😍😍 Shannon in masked singer hits a G6 singing to Mariah Carey's song "Emotions"

While I know and acknowledge that this is usually written from a place of either exaggeration, metaphor, or not knowing how much that is, I'm just a little shit who likes to question everything and hate on small things😘 You do you while I do I, I'll keep writing "their voice got lower" while you'll keep writing a thing that's not realistic/hj😘😘

Anyways thanks for coming to my Ted talk, I spent way too much time on this. Bye.

[ftmeriwether]

hank you @queen-tashie for the tag!!

Rules: answer the following questions for your OCs

Passing the tag onto @albatris, @digital-chance and anyone else who wants to jump in!

Beela's book is my main project, so I guess I'll do this about them

What uncommon/common fear do they have?

Beela's got all the classic abandonment fears and high anxiety in general.

Do they have any pet peeves?

I feel like they have a lot. They hate being pestered to eat, but that's the only way they'll get enough in their system. They hate being talked over as well.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

Does three books count? Seems like cheating, so I'll go for "a stack of books" instead. As well as their cat (he likes to hang out with them. He's an orange boy named Bernie because I wrote this when Bernie Sanders ran for president). Third item is a stack of blankets. I feel like Beela's the type to say they don't need a weighted blanket and that's because they just layer far too many on their bed instead.

What do they notice first in a person?

How friendly they look. Beela's always scared people will be horrible to them, so they like to figure out who's the most likely to pick on them first.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

On the high side of average, since they've gotten pretty good at just...ignoring when they're upset or in pain. Maybe a 6?

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Beela freezes. They just go completely stock still. This is not a good response for them.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

Only child and doesn't get on with their parents. Had a big fight about their friends on thanksgiving, stormed out with the ultimatum that their parents had to reach out when they understood why Beela was upset. Parents haven't called. It's been a few years now.

What animal represents them best?

If you asked them, they'd say a mouse or something else small, defenseless and considered a pest.

What is a smell that they dislike?

Oooh, this one's hard. Probably things that remind them of their parents. Though I feel like they'll have a few by the end of this series. Maybe something to do with the world they spent the most time on? The 8 foot long centipedes that blackmailed them into help? The woods their friend almost died in?

Have they broken any bones?

Not yet :)

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Shy, withdrawn, anxious (as they claim they hide their anxiety well)

Are they a night owl or a morning bird?

Night owl, but on accident

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

I know I gave them a favorite ice cream flavor, but I have no idea where or what it was. They hate most foods because, well, I was having a real hard time eating when I designed them

Do they have any hobbies?

Beela's a big reader. It's her main hobby, though they really should pick up something else as well

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises?

Depends a lot on context. Their close friends surprise them with something low-key? Good response. A loud surprise with people they only kinda know? Well, their magic lets them teleport, so they'd be gone very fast. Especially considering it happens on accident when they get startled.

Do they like to wear jewelry?

Not at all

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Neat, ish. It's legible, but not pretty by any means

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Honestly, Beela's not in a good place at any point. They don't get happy emotions very often. Most of the time, they're either depressed, anxious or both. The kid needs some anti-anxieties and some anti-depressants, like, yesterday

Do they have a favorite fabric?

Something soft. I'd like to say natural fibers, but I doubt they pay that much attention to what they wear, so it's probably just "well this isn't the worst thing I've ever seen" when they pick things

What kind of accent do they have?

They're from Maryland, so I assume they have a fairly neutral accent most of the time

[miscreantahead]

Doing just about anything to distract myself from the misery while I'm stuck at WFH, so here's a list of things I really, really like about Dragon Age 4. Mostly spoiler free, but tagged just in case.

The combat. It took some time to grow on me, and I think the difficulty of nightmare mode is extremely artificial and more time consuming than anything (but I've never known a game where higher difficulties weren't) but it's still an enjoyable sort of challenge where I don't die so much to enemies with absurd health pools that the game becomes tedious (ngl low-key looking at SoTE) but there's still a chance I won't make it through a fight if I'm off my game, and I'm forced to do all missions to level up. The combat is easily my favorite thing about the game overall that really sells it to me, but there's more.

The demons. At first this was actually my least favorite thing. I hated that they changed the appearances so drastically, I hated that the Pride demon looked just like a larger shade with a face instead of a hood but otherwise similar features. I hated that the shades looked like the old despair demons. I HATED what they did with the rage demon. But as time went on all of it grew on me. I still don't understand why this was necessary, but they're all just so cool that it's hard to complain too much, or at all. I love it now, particularly the names for some of the bosses.

The quest system. There were a lot of things I really tolerated and still tolerate about DA:I just because A) It was virtually my first serious video game and B) it had Dorian in it. But the fucking fetch quests that just end in a little message pop-up saying "thanks for doing a thing!' got old so fast. I'll cry if I ever have to think about the hinterlands or the hissing wastes or gathering all the shards in every area again. Even though I've done them all a dozen times, they were awful. The same is true of ME:A, though I never did complete every single one of those, I got pretty close, and that was also a massive pain in the ass. There are quite a few repeated areas and enemies in this, but overall there are just fewer sidequests with more time and energy put into them, and that goes a long way.

The cutscenes are cutscenes! One of the most frustrating things about ME:A to me was that they advertised more cutscenes with companions but really what they meant was "more camera zooms on you and your companion standing there and doing their generic animations." In DA:V almost all of the interactions have had so much animation, so much of the characters interacting with their environment as they speak.

Attention/time spent on companions. Admittedly, one of my gripes is finding basically all of the companions kinda milquetoast. Coming of BG3 where everyone has so much depth and so many flaws and so much dark history that can either be exacerbated or healed, the DA4 companions all feel a little too emotionally mature to be quite as fun. I don't necessarily hate that after everyone in inquisition was as stubborn and unreasonable as a mule (but less understandably/relateably than the bg3 ones and it felt forced), but despite this I really appreciate the time that was spent on them. The personal quests are SO extensive and I so much appreciate them having spent so much time on the companion quests and less on the fetch quests. Also, coming back to the Lighthouse to all the little conversations and interactions scattered throughout is really great.

Taash. Just gonna say that even though I'm not really feeling most of the companions, I absolutely adore every single thing about Taash.

Taash and Rook gender stuff. Despite the negative response from the self-important freaks of the world, all of this is great. All of the scenes where Rook talked about their relationship with gender had me in tears, Taash's also had an emotional impact. They aren't perfect, they seem to stay intentionally vague (but still don't 100% avoid any messy depth, more like 70%), but they're more than I've gotten for this specific issue in any other game, or any other piece of media really. Honestly, while I was playing this game over the weekend, I really started to feel safer about the prospect of "coming out." I'm exceptionally fearful about the consequences of doing that given how things have been for me and how they went when I tried in the past, but this game made me want to face it and try again. Unfortunately, the election had the opposite effect, and I don't know where I'm at with that anymore.

Big boss fights and their impact. Maybe it's just because I'm on nightmare, but all of the big story turning points in the game have felt so earned on the combat side. A little less so on the story side, but I never felt like I was being handed a win after a some little half-assed boss just to move things along, even in just the first halves most of the companion storylines.

I'm not even done with the game yet, I think I'm about 2/3's of the way through, and I'm super excited for the ending because even the scathing reviews I watched all seemed to agree that the last 2 chapters were exciting and fun.

[mikolaj-paradox]

It's the fact I had $555 that I got in less then a month and I spent evrey last fucking penny. Not even on anything, all that important or meaningful, either.

Subject of Alcoholism.

I literally spent most of it on vapes and alcohol. Although I did help a friend out by giving $130, but still primarily, I was just giving into addictions. Like, I really thought the money was just limitless, and I'd never run out. Like if I knew what would happen, I could've at least saved ya' know a few hundred, but no, I did not think logically at all, and now I'm broke again. I used my last $30 on alcohol like last week. Even after what happened, I still didn't save any of it. This is horrible. I'm literally exactly who I hate. I hate people who spend all their money on substances and look that's exactly what I did. I fucking had $555 in less then a month how the fuck did I spend that much... in literally 2 months but still like $530-ish was spent in that under a month. How in the hell did I manage that???? I get I was drunk all the time (I still am low-key, not as much, tho more like twice a week) I literally only have a wine bottle left (btw it was real cheap and a horrible fucking type too) like what the fuck? Like ik that I struggle with money, but before, I'd always buy physical things, but this time, it was mainly alcohol (and vapes, but shh) like what the fuck happend? Like I barely have any memory on where it went tbh... like I'm scared this was a moment that my mental issues clouded evreything.

You dont get to see the notes. Nor the initial none of that.

----

Note that's after already posting, I requested a dollar to get their attention. I just wanted to show transparency, kinda that's why I didn't crop that out.

[juliarchives]

sep, 8th

dear diary,

after a while, a new entry! sometimes i wish i was less of an introvert because it makes life so much more difficult (side note: i don't have social phobia i just need a long time to feel comfortable with new people). some people come and say things like "you can't be shy forever" or "you have to change to become [blank]" and it really makes me feel like i'm broken or i'm doing everything wrong (even when i'm trying my best). and it really annoys me because they always come and say this to me when i'm feeling really great, and it makes me immediately shut off.

another rant kinda related is that i kinda hate my internship so many situations that got me thinking what the hell have i got myself into. when i first got there, they showed me around and gave me some binders to read and i spent around 2 weeks waiting for an email with my login and password that never came, and no one cared to tell me that the company server would block automatically outside emails. no one would pass me stuff for me to do or call me to see what they do and what-not, they only called me to see what i would be doing on their system, they also said that their team is very autonomous but i didn't thought to the point of almost never calling me to see stuff and me having to be annoying everytime asking if i could come along, but i can't always see because it's a research institute and there are things that only certain people can do or see. then i finally got my login and started actually doing my assigned tasks. then my bosses (one of them likes to say "i'm known for my honesty and everyone here knows it" but she's straightup rude to you, you know?) called me to a 101 meeting and started talking that i should communicate more and i couldn't keep doing things like i was doing because one of my tasks was piling up but one of my coworkers said that it would always accumulate so i didn't make much of it since i also thought someone was looking at what i was doing (knowing that i'm just an intern that haven't been there for more than a month) and would tell me if should pay more attention to it, i left kinda stabbed in the back because i thought i was getting along with them. another day, we went to grab lunch with one of my bosses, and i sat beside her and my coworker on her other side. during the whole meal, she just talked to him nonstop like i wasn't even there, so i just ate in silence (love the way they make me feel included lol). low-key, the worst thing you could do to an introvert because it makes them feel like they are not welcomed. i wouldn't be surprised if they decided that they won't extend my 6 months contract because i didn't connect with the team and/or the way they work.

i also think (too much, actually) like what could i do differently? what should i do next time? but when that time comes, i choke and just stay in silence. i'm trying so hard to change, but why is it so difficult for me?

with love,

j.

[0v3rachi3v3r]

sometimes i think abt the (ex)friend i had from middle/high school all thru college

(it was intended to be story time but it ended up pretty high key Vent)

tbh i more or less dissociated from my ms/hs years so i didn’t even realise we’d been friends that long

i introduced her to my (then) Good Friend - he and i met bc we were paired in class (alphabetically close last name) and that was it, but we hit it off. he introduced her to his roommate and they had a dnd group or whatever.

fast forward a few years, height of covid, roommate graduated and was dating my friend for a year or two now, they have their apartment and whatever. bc i was kinda stuck in the dorms doing my masters online, they invited me to their apartment until covid was over and/or school was out.

i remember how they had a fight over me staying too long, financial stuff and all, after I stayed for about 2 weeks (“spring break” week included, since that’s when school was out and never came back)

but the other thing i remember was her, reminiscing about “the old days” how we were depressed n all that, how we were always putting aside our own sadness to take care of the other… but how that was over, “we made it,” she said with so much confidence… but i couldn’t be happy because i hadn’t made it, i was still there (mostly bc of my bpd/emotional disregulation which was rly bad bc my then-bf had just broken up with me a month or so prior) but i really just couldn’t feel like “we made it” and i remember feeling like she was doing that to low-key/backhandedly spite me. obvs i knew she wasn’t trying to, so i went along with it with a little “haha yea can you believe it” type thing…

i asked my family to pay for a plane ticket so i could leave so my friends wouldn’t be burdened by me, asked said friends for a ride to the airport. they insisted they won’t take any money bc i already helped with groceries by pitching in $100 or so, but I insisted and paypal’d them ~$200 anyways for letting me stay for so long (after I spent $300 for their dexacom and alcohol wipes that were sold out everywhere)

that summer i was down in the dumps like half my hs posting was in 2013-2015. by this time i’d known that living with family made me feel awful, but I had to bc financially i had no where else to go. due to my moods, i just didn’t have the energy to reply to friend when she learned abt me taking ASL as one of my courses online. she, as a CODA, was interested as well and wanted to help me practice signing. i went 3? weeks without talking to her because i felt like shit. when i finally had the energy to talk to her again, she’d blocked me. and i couldn’t message her back with the “sorry i didn’t get back to you, i was depressed af”

i tried talking to mutual friends - college bestie and his roommate - but nothing from roommate. college “bestie” told me about how i was a self centered brat (did not elaborate) and blocked me as well.

that “friendship decay” thing hit me really hard when it was going around a few days ago bc some people really do have friendship decay. if it was just her then that woulda been fine but she took most of my college friends with her. that, im not fine about.

i know you won’t see but an old mutual may so let me just say:

talk to both sides before you deem someone to be irredeemable and block them bc your friend said so. if $600 in 2 weeks is “selfish” then you don’t have the whole story.

i know it isn’t the case but it really feels like my only friends are from elementary or from my grad school years, and i absolutely hate it.

emotional permanence please don’t fail me

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

225 of 2023

Do you lick your lips?

I rather bite on them.

Last reason you smiled?

My cats.

Who was the first person to text you this morning?

My dad.

If someone is doing something that pisses you off, do you tell them?

If I lose my patience. I’m too soft-spoken for my own good.

Does your phone have to be charged every day?

It does. That’s the thing with smartphones.

When’s the last time you were surprised?

Yesterday. I got tulips from my husband.

When was the last time you hugged someone?

Today.

How much money have you spent today?

100€ on trousers lol. Online order.

How do you feel about your hair right now?

It probably needs to be washed.

What was the first thing you did this morning?

Woke up lol.

Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?

I do, but usually I say it back. It’s normal in my country.

If you died today would your life be complete?

No, definitely not.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?

Yeah. Technically my husband woke me up because I fell asleep and left the TV on.

Have you had your birthday yet this year?

No, I haven’t.

Are you ticklish?

Very much so.

Are you a jealous person?

No, I’m not.

Do you like ice cream?

I do, kind of. Just had some.

How many pillows do you sleep with?

Three. No wonder why I have back aches.

Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really upset?

Not last moth, but last December. I had a nervous breakdown for real.

Would you ever get your nipples pierced?

No, I find it pointless.

Current music playing?

None.

Who was the last person to piss you off?

Our most disliked coworker. Always walking around and doing nothing.

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?

Depends on who it is.

Ever cried on the phone with somebody?

No, I don’t even cry.

Does anyone think you are a bitch?

I don’t know, ask them.

Are your toe nails painted pink?

I don’t paint my nails.

If you could change your eye color would you?

Yeah, I’d love emerald green eyes.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?

Short. Low maintenance.

Have you ever met someone who is amazing?

Yeah, plenty of people, including my husband and my sister.

Whose hoodie did you wear last?

Mine. I’m a hoodie guy in general.

How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?

Tired, but content.

What is on your agenda for tomorrow?

An unexpected appointment with VDAB, my country’s unemployment service. This is mandatory, but I dont see the point since I’ve been having a job for the last 9 years and I have a permanent contract with my company.

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?

It’s midday.

Who were you with at 4 am this morning?

My husband, but we were both sleeping.

Are you angry with anyone?

No, I’m not. Unless that VDAB counts.

Who was the last person to call you?

My husband, he locked himself out because he forgot the key and I had to open the door for him.

Do you have any bruises?

A lot. I get bruised easily, but most of the time I don’t even remember how.

Have you had sex in the last 12 hours?

No, but I kinda had fun with myself from the morning.

Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends”?

Yeah. I’m friends with my ex and we’re still close, it’s not the same anymore.

Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else?

No, I’m not.

Did you have a good day today?

The day is not over yet. Ask me in a few hours.

Is there a girl that knows everything about you?

Yeah, my sister.

Do you have feelings for someone?

Yeah. My husband and M.

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?

Sometimes, to avoid typos. Not like it always works XD

What’s running through your mind right now?

That song my sister once covered.

Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word answers?

No. I also elaborate only when I feel like doing it.

Where is your cell phone?

Next to me.

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow?

Probably. I need to be up for that appointment.

Ever had a girl best friend?

Does my sister count?

Does anyone hate you?

I don’t know, ask them.

Are you in a relationship?

I’m married.

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret?

Nah. As much as I don’t feel like performing sexual activities with other, I feel I’ve been doing it with the right people.

Do you like to sit in the sun, and tan when it’s hot out?

I don’t like to tan, but I love summer and I love being out when it’s warm, and I love the beach and the sea.

Do you worry too much?

Way too much.

Ever had a teacher that you wanted to punch in the face?

Nah. I never bothered.

Have you ever been so drunk you puked?

No. I was drunk, but never threw up because of it.

What is your least favorite class period?

Pretty sure our education system doesn’t work like that.

Do you ever wonder what it’d be like to be the opposite sex?

Sometimes, but not for serious.

If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Not hungry, thanks.

What sport do you like better: volleyball or football?

Neither, basketball 4 lyfe.

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you?

Yeah, twice. It was awful.

Ever been close to dying?

Yeah, when I had that brain bleeding. According to the doctors, it was massive.

Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it?

I’m not allowed because epilepsy. Lol yeah.

Do you know anyone named Josh or Patrick?

I know a couple of guys named Patrick. One of them is my teammate at work and also a local politician.

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret?

Yeah, but long ago. He already forgot and moved on.

How many people with the name Taylor do you know?

In person? Zero.

Do you like french fries?

I do, but there’s no such thing as “French fries”. Every Belgian will confirm.

Have you ever ate so much you puked?

No, never. I barely remember to eat at all.

Is your best friend the same sex as you?

Most of them are.

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance?

No. I wear whatever I want and wherever I want, and I haven’t chosen my face anyway. If you don’t like it, then don’t look at me. It’s simple. We cannot please everyone anyway.

Do you tell people you love them just to get what you want?

No. I don’t overuse such big words. If I say I love someone, thne that’s because I mean it.

Do you wear makeup?

No, I don’t.

Would you rather run or walk?

Walk. I cannot run.

Are you close with your father?

I am, more than with my mother.

Ever been to Mexico?

No, it’s too far from me.

Do you like to ride your bike, if you have one?

I have three and I’ve always loved riding bikes, but it’s something normal in my country.

[jobey-wan-kenobi]

Ooh, I'm enjoying your reactions to the album that I love to defend. Does it deserve my defense? Ehhh somewhat, but mostly I'm just contrarian.

But "No Reply" and "I'm a Loser" are indeed an awesome one-two start! I'm very weak for "No Reply." This whole album is great for John and Paul doing double... harmony? Not even harmony so much as instead of double-tracking John's lead vocals they have Paul track him instead.

I dig "Baby's in Black" but you are SHARP to pick up on the fact that they are cringe-ily in earnest about the narrator's self-pity party. Yeah, I don't think it's ironic. Lotsa songs from mid-century are like this tbh. I was just listening to the Classics IV's "Stormy" the other day and thinking the song is actually a total banger so long as you can overlook the speaker's self-centered man-angst. Very similar to "BiB." My girlfriend's suddenly depressed and this is a tragedy for... ME!

I honestly love "Rock and Roll Music." One of my favors covers from them. Chuck Berry and John Lennon, whatta pair. *covers eyes with my palm* But, well, whatever else they were, Chuck was a great lyricist and John can bloody well sing a song! I love how he preserves Chuck's trick of omitting the 'n' of 'rock n roll' at the end of each chorus. We've got rocks to roll! Ain't nobody got time for conjunctions! This one just has frenetic fun silly energy.

You continue to hit the nail on the head with the oddly vindictive/arrogant lines that kinda mar the vibes of "I'll Follow the Sun" and, later, "What You're Doing"! (Especially a shame because "What You're Doing" has a really cool sound and arrangement, I love listening to that one.) No surprise, they're both Paul songs! I think a lot of these moments of "... eurghh" you are registering come from Paul. His songs from the Sixties can be super passive-aggressive. I feel so bad for Jane Asher sometimes, Paul sounds like such an exhausting boyfriend. Otoh, you can salvage these songs by reflecting how well they predict his (much better justified!) sentiments when John and John's posse are horrid to him during the band's later break-up! Frankly I think '60s Paul is a recovering people-pleaser - he refrained from so much confrontation as a child dealing with his repressive family and sometimes abusive father - so we see in these songs that he's sort of "practicing" being able to set loving-but-firm boundaries with the people dearest to him. And sometimes the results are super cringe. But this practice did serve him well... and after being 'the jilted girlfriend' himself in the Lennon/McCartney divorce, you see a startling lack of this sort of low-key mean-spiritedness in his music in 1969 and beyond. Sorry, I've gone on a tangent. I've maybe spent too much time analyzing the Macca catalogue, lol. To get back on topic, "I'll Follow the Sun" is a song Paul wrote at like 14 or 15 iirc. Thus I gotta cut it some slack.

I also interpreted "Mr. Moonlight" as gay when I was a kid lol. This is a track most people agree is one of the worst in the Beatle catalogue. I will again be contrarian and say that I love the hollered cold open (MISTAAAAAAAAA MOONLIIIIIIIIGHT), very dramatic and as a performer that would take guts to do live! But I admit the song drags tragically from there. I think the muddy sound was George Martin's attempt to capture the sleazy Hamburg-nightclub-ness of this number for them but it didn't work at all.

"Kansas City / Hey Hey Hey Hey" is two cover songs smushed together, although interestingly Little Richard was the one who smushed them together first. The Frankentitle was his idea (and I always liked it tbh). Accordingly this cover has big "cover of a cover" energy.

"Eight Days a Week" gets ripped as too "commercial." People who hate joy have to rain on the parade. :) I find the words and melody trite and annoying myself... but the sound is still so sunny and fine.

George's guitar sound in "Words of Love" is so neat!! Lovely little cover.

"Honey Don't" is one of my favorite Ringo covers. He's just fun ;)

Another fun fact, "Every Little Thing" was primarily written by Paul, but John gets lead vocals. That's pretty unusual in their songs. One of the few other examples is their very early Quarrymen-era rent-a-studio efforts, "In Spite of All the Danger." I wish they'd done this more often tbh. It's not that Paul can't sing, he absolutely can! But sometimes his songs sound so much better with a bit more of an "edgy" or "rough" voice. (I also think Rihanna killed "FourFive Seconds," for instance. It has a typical Old Paul bridge that always sounds so lame in his own tracks. But Rihanna pulled off that exact same compositional quirk so well!)

"I Don't Want to Spoil the Party" is pretty catchy but I can't get over that title/chorus/lyrics lol. I don't object to their rockabilly/faux-country-and-western era at all but this Ain't It.

I'm so glad you mentioned the bass and drums on "What You're Doing," I like them too! They're cooking!

I don't mind the title of "Everybody's Trying to Be My Baby" but yeah, it's middling. Lotsa people dig it because George is supposedly the shy one and he supposedly pulls off an overwhelmed "aw shucks" everyguy performance here... I don't necessarily hear it myself.

Overall, it is a transitional album (from a band that had already been busy putting out two others that year, while conquering the world on tour and filming a classic movie!) No doubt. But it doesn't stand still - more of a "growing pains" album. They're gangly and awkward as they continue to grow at a tremendous rate! John's lyrics are improving in leaps and bounds, and Paul and Ringo are pushing ahead and making their rhythm section more innovative than before. George is the only one marking time, but to be honest if I had the choice to spend between spending autumn 1964 working on pop songs or romancing Pattie Boyd, I'd be locking down Pattie too <3

Thank you for sharing your reactions, I've been thoroughly enjoying digesting your album thoughts at the beginning of every month!

Beatles for Sale (1964)

What happens when you've used up an album's worth of original compositions and your schedule has been absolutely jam packed? If you're this band, ya release another album, naturally!

I'm a sucker for the Autumnal Aesthetic but these lads were not having a jolly time amongst gilded leaves! Featuring George's hair at peak Onion.

This one is infamously very Cover heavy, but does that really make it one of the weakest instalments? I've liked some'a their covers a lot, though the originals often outrank them with good reason. Let's see how the mixture here fares~

SIDE ONE

No Reply: It may reference that archaic device known to older people as a Telephone, but this number is shockingly timeless all the same! A jaunty song about a relationship that has either fizzled out, or the POV character has been cucked without a formal breakup. Even though it is about ghosting and resentment, it's got a great rhythm and energy to it, plus I'm also very fond of the "Your Face" version from the Anthology uploads.

I'm a Loser: Another oddly catchy song given the introspection and distinctly downbeat subject. There's something about how fun the music becomes at the chorus, peak juxtaposition~ Harmonica makes a bold return, too! It's one of the most dance-able depression songs so far!

Baby's in Black: A clear narrative is stated here, of the Singer lamenting that the object of his affections is busy grieving over someone else. I get the impression that the mourning is in fact literal, that the other beau is dead and buried, and that we ain't s'posed to side with the Main Character for being a self-centred berk about it (but some of the AHDN songs plant a seed of doubt for the Irony take, given how there's spite and selfishness in those...!). Anyway, the song itself is serviceable but not as notable as the prev numbers.

Rock and Roll Music: Ah, our first cover! It's good and well played but I don't think our lads really bring anything to the table that the Chuck Berry didn't already provide. I listened to that right after and neither version lights a fire in me.

I'll Follow the Sun: This has a very nice, mellow sound to it, but it has a bit of the snag I found on AHDN's 2nd side; that it seems to be a "You're gonna regret this" song. The reoccurring "But Tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the Sun" sounds optimistic and hopeful but when it's surrounded by the passive aggressive sentiment... I will say it's possible I've got the wrong end of the stick [The prev album was an Experience lmao], but it does seem telling that this original number is like, never Iconic lol

Mr. Moonlight: MISTAAAAAAHHHHHH. Another cover but idk the original. Sounds a little more gay than normal, if they're gonna personify The Moon as a guy and declare their love for him :v

Kansas City / Hey Hey Hey Hey: I have a slight dislike of this just cause it took me longer to write the title out. So it's a cover, but of 2 songs mashed together? Paul is bringing his impression of a deeper voice and the instrumentation is very nice but eehhhh. It's not one I'm gonna go back to lmao

SIDE TWO

8 Days a Week: Finally some good fucking food!! A much needed injection of cheer, and while it seems the Bugs themselves didn't think that much of it sometimes a simple sweet song is a nice thing to boogie to.

Words of Love: Ah, Buddy Holly? Their idol and main reason for the Beatle moniker? Seems to be a decent cover of one of his numbers, while there ain't many lyrics the guitar and drums are very nice, though I could do without the clapping.

Honey Don't: Ringo's vocal return since With The Beatles! This song doesn't do much for me but the little flourishes thrown in like "Rock on George, for Ringo one time!" and fab guitar work have me smiling~

Every Little Thing: Annoyingly my brain keeps autofilling 'she does is magic' and then I find it harder to remember how this one sounds. But it's actually a stronger song on this here album, another Actually Pleasant one! The timpani has such a dramatic presence but for once I'm not concerned about the girl's safety like I am in other ones lmao

I Don't Want to Spoil the Party: This sad song is set to another jaunty rhythm that kicks into a higher gear for the bridge... hmm, seems to be the main thesis of this album, innit! Kudos for this POV feller to at least try being a bit more self aware. This ends a little bit abruptly, which makes it another shade different to I'm A Loser.

What You're Doing: "Oh babe you've crossed me and I'm gonna make a big deal about it in song form" song. I've heard lotsa these on this and the prev album!! But while I'm repeating the same sentiments about them doing that, I looove the guitar and drum work on this very mid lyrical assortment.

Everybody's Trying to be My Baby: Another tedious title! Another cover, too. George's only vocal on this one and I don't think it's great. I do like Rock and or Roll but the ones this album uses don't make a strong impression on me. Guitar good.

CONCLUSION

Best 3: No Reply, I'm a Loser, 8 Days a Week

Blurst 3: Kansas City/Hey [x4], What You're Doing, Everybody's [...] Baby

Overall Quality?: It took the 2nd side of the record for the first original song on the album to be energetic and sincere without slightly concealed bad vibes! That's pretty dang indicative of what the Burnout Album has to offer. There's a fair bit of mildly good Rock 'n' Roll, lotsa great instrument playing, but man oh man this isn't a Good Time Had By All.

But I must make clear that the good songs, are great! And some of the miseryfests are still catchy lol. Before I listened to all the songs I was ready to bat for this being an underrated gem, but hmmm, no actually it is a weak one. But I can give them the benefit of Early[ish] Day Feet Finding + HUGE MASSIVE PRESSURE being why it's a bit on the limp side. I felt more disappointed in A Hard Day's Night side 2 than with this, though my "C'mon dudes" reasoning is pretty much the same, and this has more Mid Covers.

🪲🪲🪲🪲

Well, after an underwhelming release like that and yet their fame continues to balloon bigger and bigger, would it be fair to say the Beatles needed Help!? ;3c