#I lovee mechanic!pete

[gaydaroreilly]

Fleshing out left Mav and my brain went WHAT IF DUKE FLEW IN KOREA TOO AND ENDED UP AT MASH 4077? He got injured in a dog fight, ended up getting fixed up by Hawkeye and became besties with the crew (Cus just imagine Mav with uncles Hawkeye and Trapper and Radar??? and they talk about all the shit that’s the American military. He comes home disenchanted and yet he’s stuck because he’s required to serve in Vietnam.

He makes it home by the skin of his teeth, but he’s fucking angry and done and raises anti-war activist Pete, and brings him to visit his weird commie lefty doctor buddies out East. They spend a lot of time in Maine with Hawk and Trap, especially after Pete’s mom dies of cancer when he’s 10. Pete’s especially close with his ‘cousin’ Carol MacIntyre (Trapper’s daughter who he raises with his ACTUALLY JUST PROFESSIONAL yesverygay partner Hawkeye).

Pete and Duke do their father-son bonding over planes and cars and bikes. Duke does flying lessons and hits up airshows and buys a mechanic shop that he operates with Pete’s help. They do good work for fair prices and they are a community pillar in their small town. Pete starts flying as soon as he can and is an infamously brave sport pilot and folks start calling him Maverick. He goes to college to get a degree in mechanical engineering and there he meets NROTC student Nick Bradshaw. . .

Pete is very cautious cus the navy owns Nick a little, but they become best friends and Nick is pretty bummed he thought his only option for school was through the “service”. With Pete taking him up in planes Nick decides to go for aviation. Ends up becoming a RIO called Goose and also a husband to Carol and dad to Bradley (all in very quick succession). Goose plans to quit the navy as soon as his contract is up (Hawkeye makes him swear on life before the shotgun wedding).

Idk should I write this wild crossover lol?

[shit-sorry-fuck-mybad]

Give me widower Mav who has come to terms with his husband’s death and now gets to make jokes and comments about it which makes people uncomfortable while he finds it hilarious pls

As someone who lost their father a long time ago I have reached that point where I can make jokes and comments and like to my close friends it’s funny but to someone I don’t know it’s… strange cause they don’t know how to react and it’s truly a small moment of absolute joy cause they make it weirder than it needs to be

Here is what I mean:

Fanboy: Hi Mav! I like your hoodie!

Mav: thanks, it belonged to my dead husband

Fanboy:

Mav: he’s not gonna use it so

…

Hangman, pointing at the ring on Mav’s dog tags: you’re married?

Mav: I was, but sadly he died on a terrible accident

Hangman: oh I’m sorry—

Mav: I’m kidding, he didn’t die on an accident

Hangman: oh thank god I thought I—

Mav: he died of cancer

…

Mav: my husband used to hate this movie

Phoenix: what made him change his mind?

Mav: oh he didn’t, he just died

…

Mav: I miss my husband

Coyote: why, where is he?

Mav: I want to say heaven but he was a weird man so honestly I don’t know

…

Cyclone: Maverick where is the paperwork I asked for

Mav: oh I’m sorry? I was mourning the death of my husband, in case you hadn’t noticed, the audacity, I cannot believe you would come for a widower like this—

[dungeonsandblorbos]

WIP Campaign Memes

thanks for the tag, @somethingclevermahogony! in your honor, i will be doing these for one of the campaigns you DM, Curse of Strahd, presented below in roughly chronological order!

tagging @tombstuck-writes, @illarian-rambling, and open tag!

[inamindfarfaraway]

TGWDLM AU where on the way to Professor Hidgens’s house, the group see Infected Pete and Ted has a complete breakdown. These monsters got his little brother and he wasn’t even there, he didn’t protect him, didn’t look for him, didn’t even think about him - he was too busy thinking of himself, like always. Now Pete’s gone forever, because clearly whatever happened to Sam isn’t something you can come back from. He swore, he swore after Jenny that he would never feel that bad again. But this is worse. At least she didn’t die! *Audience members cringe* His brother, though, is dead. At sixteen years old. It couldn’t be Ted, the useless bastard with nothing good ahead of him. No, Ted wanted to survive. And Pete - earnest, brilliant, loving Pete, perhaps the last person on the planet to give a damn about him - paid the price for it.

This forces Emma, who has been spending the whole last year dealing with the pain of losing her sibling and not getting to say goodbye because she was off being selfish and neglecting her relationships, to realize: ‘Oh. Fuck. The sleazy asshole has feelings… that I can empathize with. Ew.’ So she tells him about Jane. Although she still hates everything else about him, a) nobody deserves to suffer through that alone, which she knows from doing it alone, and b) maybe if he starts to see her as a person with feelings too, he’ll be slightly less insufferable. And it works. The solidarity lays the foundation for a slow-burn friendship. Will they always annoy each other? Oh yes. But it’s hard to understand someone on such a raw, fundamental level and not reach out to them when you yourself also need support.

Due to his external and internal walls being shattered, Ted has to become more comfortable with vulnerability; he has to be more appreciative of and sensitive to other people. He really, really values the few relationships he has left. He and Charlotte connect more deeply while she’s concurrently processing her complex feelings about Sam and his death, and he might not leave her alone with Sam, imagining how he’d feel to be alone with Pete’s body and the alien inside it. He grows to be an actual friend to Paul and… well, Bill might not have enough time for that, but nevertheless. Maybe in this timeline, a handful of Hatchetfielders get to the PEIP helicopter together. Maybe the Hive doesn’t escape the island. Maybe PEIP figures out how destroy it.

Pete was the good one. Pete was the one with hope. But if Ted’s the one who survives, then he’ll just have to live for both of them.

Or he could let the Infected get him right away and the brothers could sing an epic duet.

@dontsteponthatfish @awigglycultist @blueskiesandstarrynights

[theragamuffininitiative]

Sorry for barging in like this but I wanted you to know how happy I am to discover a fellow Adam 12 watcher ( and enjoyer) in the year 2023!!

If you don't mind sharing your thoughts, can I ask you, what made you love the show? Or alternatively, what would you tell someone to convince them to give it a chance..

Hello nonny!

You can barge in any time 😊 ESPECIALLY IF IT IS ABOUT ADAM 12 !!!! I saw this message this morning and have been thinking happily about answering it while I wait for my car to be serviced lol, so thank you for that. XD

This is going to be a ramble, so buckle up. I'll put a tldr at the bottom for anyone potentially interested but with a small attention span, scroll to that. XD

Ok so what initially made me love the show is actually how I was introduced to it by a dear friend who had already seen it and we started watching together as a way to spend time together. 💗 I knew one of the officers was named Pete and I made jokes about always falling in love with the crime-solving Peters (I also love White Collar, Fringe, [parts of] the first season of Body of Proof actually I just love that Peter and nothing else and they did him dirty but I digress, and we can even throw Spidey into the mix). So I figured I would be a goner from the start and I was Correct, nonny.

I had such a good time watching with my friend (we especially loved screaming about how Jim is a dear and Pete is amazing, and also obligatory yelled "hi Mac!" every time he appeared, and how we would go from lol-ing to sobbing in two seconds flat every episode) that when she was unable to continue watching with me (😭) I kept on to finish. While I would have preferred to watch it all with her, I'm so happy she introduced me to this absolute gem of television and storytelling.

Ok, so beyond that: things that made me love the show specifically and that I think others should appreciate and watch it for (MY BELOVED FOLLOWERS GO WATCH ADAM 12, see below for reasons)....

1! The biggest is the two main characters. I LOVE PETE AND JIM SO DANG MUCH. They are the best TV officers, and two of my favorite characters. Especially Pete. But I love Jim's growth (they both have such beautiful arcs through the seriesssssss aaaaa) too. I love how he brings joy back to Pete. I love how Pete grounds Jim. I love how they love one another??? I love how protective they are of each other. One of the best character friendship tropes ever is "they make each other better" and Pete Malloy and Jim Reed are an excellent example of it. My whole heart.

2! If someone reading this was turned off by the fact that it is a show about two police officers, fair, but LISTEN. I love me a good procedural drama (see some of the mentions above), I love me a good buddy cop story. But you know what I hate? I hate how every single cop show has the characters do things cops should never do. These shows have a Problem of having their heroes go in without a warrant bc "it's an emergency, we don't have time for the red tape!" and rough up suspects and they don't hesitate to draw and fire on someone, and they bend or break the rules when it suits them to Get the Job Done. It irks me. For many reasons. AND ADAM 12 ISN'T LIKE THAT.

Pete especially lives by the book. And he teaches Jim to do the same. As a fun example, someone asks them to deliver a Christmas tree in their patrol car and Pete says no bc it's against the rules. But who goes to get the tree when off duty in his personal car??? Pete Malloy, with Jim in tow. Pete also turns in a dirty cop who saved his life and it is Devastating to watch. They do everything the right way and the Very Few times they don't it is clear that they Messed Up and they have to eat the consequences. For Pete, I can think of three times throughout the course of all the episodes that he clearly goes wrong. One time he is distracted, one time he is trying to save a life and endangers his own, and one time is really painful involving a child victim and the perpetrator and it's hard to watch and I can't imagine many people who wouldn't have done what he did there but the show even Addresses This and Pete says anyone who did what he did would have been wrong too and he faces the consequences without argument. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH GUYS. There are a couple dirty cops and cowboy cops shown in different episodes and they are Always shown to be in the wrong, to be jeopardizing everything that they should be holding dear. Even Ed Wells, a regular character, is a guy you love to hate bc he pushes the rules as much as he can get away with and Pete and Jim give him nothing but crap for it. XD Bless them.

3! I love the pacing! The episodes are half your standard episode length, which is great (terrible) for binging through lol. There is zero filler. Sometimes you want just a tiny bit more filler but it's so good, they just go pop pop pop from call to call, with Pete and Jim's relationship always playing out in the middle of whatever mess they are dealing with. Later seasons focus on a single story usually, but most early episodes are glimpses of an average day in the life of an LAPD officer and they are Rollercoasters.

4! It is surprisingly sensitive for a show made in the 60s-70s. There are definitely a few episodes that are a bit cringe to more modern sensibilities, especially dealing with racism. However! The stories featured there are actually done really well for the most part, and the heart is in the right place even if some of the writing is an unfortunate byproduct of the era. Also you have to laugh at the hippie slang that heavily douses some episodes, especially early on. It's a riot lol.

5! The series shows you these cops doing cop things that nobody thinks about: giving notice to a young woman about her husband's death, assisting other emergency departments, acting as peacemakers between various complaints, looking out for misplaced people, manning the front desk and phone calls, trying to keep people safe more often than trying to put bad guys in prison. I adore that. I think if more cop shows focused on that narrative, we would have more cops today who saw that as the true hero work. The show also explains early on how they don't often get the full story. Detectives and hospitals and lawyers and family members come in to clean up whatever mess the boys had to step into, and it sucks sometimes, but the final product is not usually their job, and they just have to take each call as it comes.

I could go on but this is already so long.

TL;DR

If you like procedural dramas (or maybe even if you don't) you should really give Adam 12 a try. Give it the first three episodes at least and see what you think.

It's a story about two officers who really embody "protect and serve" instead of whatever belligerent cowboy nonsense is pushed by most crime shows.

Pete and Jim would die for each other. They would also die for any random person they come across who needs their help, bc it's their job. They would also do mundane acts of service for each other (while griping affectionately about it) and anyone else.

It has so much heart.

IT'S REALLY FUNNY. PETE AND JIM ARE SO SASSY.

Pete has spidey senses. They are brilliant. He might also have a photographic memory. It was mentioned once and then never again lol.

If you like "clean" media, there is very little swearing/innuendo/gore/etc. This does not make it Light viewing, but it isn't problematic.

It will rip your heart out. Especially the episodes where it's one of the boys in jeopardy. 😭 "Hostage" and "The Search" and "The Princess and the Pig" and "Killing Ground" and "Suspended" and "Trouble in the Bank" and "Operation Action" and the finale stories my beloved and beloathed to name a few.

It will restore your faith in humanity, particularly of officers, even while you facepalm about people's stupidity (sometimes including the officers).

It has a good ending! Not the most complete tie-up of loose ends, but [spoiler] you know these guys are gonna be ok, whatever comes next. So you feel the fulfillment in the ending.

Ok I'm done now.

I love Adam 12 so much.

Thank you for asking. 😭😭😭😭

[punkbarbarian]

for folks who don’t follow them on instagram— ally beardsley wrote part of an op-ed in the washington post for the 50th dnd anniversary about a moment playing dnd that really stuck with them and i wanted to share it here!

“a character’s journey — and my own”

I was an aspiring comedian in Los Angeles and had just landed a salaried job at the comedy website CollegeHumor. My co-worker and friend Brennan Lee Mulligan was looking for six comedians to create a show that would be like an at-home game of D&D. Why not? “Dimension 20” became a weird punctuation to my day.

I remember there being too many rules to remember. I kept turning to my friend, Brian Murphy, to ask which dice I should be rolling. I wasn’t paid overtime, but I loved the group and was having a lot of fun.

For the second season, I had my sea legs. I created a character for the campaign who was transgender. I had started going by the gender neutral they/them pronouns at work and among friends, but sourcing hormones or getting surgery seemed equal parts expensive and invasive. A fun thing about fantasy is stripping away the crunchy, real-world limitations and asking yourself: “What would I do if I could do anything?”

That season’s arc for my character, Pete, was extremely euphoric for me. I had described him as a trans cowboy you might see at Burning Man, and the artist drew him dressed as a freaky Hunter S. Thompson in an open shirt to show his top surgery scars. He has wild magic — uncontrollable and dangerous in the game mechanics — which we used to explore the painful chaos of leaving a family that doesn’t accept you.

Since then, I’ve started testosterone HRT and had top surgery. It’s funny to listen back to myself playing a character who had transitioned in ways I hadn’t. It’s full of inaccuracies that make me smile. Pete takes a testosterone pill every day; I now know it’s a weekly injection or a topical gel. I see my face, one wrapped up in playing something so new but instantly right. It was like an oracle. A near-future me who has health insurance! Who’s talked to their mom about being trans and even spent a week post-top surgery on that mom’s couch in Temecula, Calif!

As I started transitioning my appearance, seeing that in front of the camera felt raw. I was starting hormones, and my voice was cracking. Realizing it was all being recorded felt naked at times, but it has been really nice to talk to fans and friends about how important it is to see someone that looks like you taking a big risk on themself.

With Pete, it was really important to me to tell a story other than the dramatic lead-up to a medical transition. So we started with him having just gotten out of surgery, but that’s all you see of that process. Part of his backstory is that he doesn’t have a relationship with his transphobic parents, and before shooting the first episode, I felt sick to my stomach. I’ve been on a journey with my parents, and our starting place didn’t have much common ground. When my character meets with his father, it felt as though I was actually running into my own on the street.

Brennan could sense that discomfort, and as my character’s dad was about to call Pete by his deadname, Brennan shut the interaction down, surrounding his dad with bubbles that carried him into the sky. Magic is the power and freedom to manipulate your reality, and you can banish the awful voices in your life — let them swirl away into the air.

[seat-safety-switch]

Movies make nitrous oxide seem so much more exciting than it really is. Green exhaust flames, super blurry vision, cars that instantly do wheelies and jump drawbridges. Completely rad. If nitrous oxide was so cool, I ask Hollywood, then why does my dentist have a whole bunch of it? The truth of the matter is that nitrous oxide has one hell of a lot of marketing goodwill, built on the dreams of every broke-ass drag racer on the planet.

First, a primer: cars run on oxygen and fuel. As anyone who's run up a hill can tell you, there's only so much air in the air that you can breathe, and there is basically an infinity of Burger King Whoppers you can practically eat. It's not fair, so we have to make it more fair.

There's ways to compress the air, and cram more of it into the engine. Then we can eat more Whoppers – I mean fuel – and make more power. We've all heard of miraculous mechanical devices for adding air, such as turbos and superchargers, but those cost a lot of money and involve complex fabrication. Nitrous oxide, a gas that we get from whales or some shit, accomplishes the same goal just by being sprayed into the engine.

It's sort of like if you gave an asthma inhaler to a Tour de France bicycle dude. He'd go a lot faster for a few seconds until and unless his heart explodes. Or maybe not. Don't get medical advice from me. Treat your captive Tour de France bicycle dudes like you yourself would want to be treated (and for the love of Pete, get them spayed or neutered if you let them outside.)

Hollywood has largely failed to make the intricacies of nitrous, such as not being able to afford filling an entire bottle with today's prices, into a compelling narrative. The sequel to Two Lane Blacktop was never approved because the middle 40 minutes of the film consists of the two of them digging through a half-abandoned parts store looking for the exact AN fitting they need for the fuel system. That's not how you win even a soundtrack Oscar. So instead, they do this crazy movie shit, which in turn makes a lot of other people buy nitrous setups. They want to be like the famous movie star Mr. Bean.

I'm not asking for perfect realism, here, folks. All I want is the occasional admission that sometimes you forget to turn on your bottle heater before making a pass.

[ulgapodatkowa]

i actually think that the biggest punch to the gut for me this season is lucius. because we all laughed how he's hiding in the walls, haunting blackbeard or something like that. because lucius was a fun little character, unapologetically himself and if something bad happened to him (like losing his finger) it was never a big thing and it was played off as a joke.

but this season shows you lucius who isn't lucius. he looks different, acts aggressive, picks up smoking as a coping mechanism. he's so fucking traumatized. and i know him talking about his trauma to stede was supposed to be a funny moment but if you look at it realistically it really wasn't. all of the things that happened to him affected him so deeply he build a different persona around himself and all of the scenes with him have a completely different air to them than before. as far as i can tell the only thing that hadn't changed that much is how his relationship with pete feels onscreen, still as loving and sweet as it was.

and ultimately I think he won't resume his role as a quirky lighthearted comedic relief that plays relationship guru because it just isn't him anymore. he's weathered and matured and dealing with a fair amount of trauma. so i'm looking forward to seeing how his dynamic with the crew will look like from now on and what position will he take.

[miloformula123fan]

Could you do fic for Bono from Merc with wife photographer!reader? She surprised him at the race because he thought that she would not be back due to something work related. Maybe a little surprise for them. You decide what it was. Fluff and cute. Thanks!! :))

finally out of a writing block and back to writing, enjoy this :)

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

and my masterlist is here <3

peter 'bono' bonnington x wife!photographer!reader

“I’m sorry Darling, I wish the timing was better, but I need to be there.” Y/N sighed, trying to look as guilty as she could

“Hey, hey it’s okay, shit happens y’know.” He smiled, pulling her into a hug and rubbing her back.

“It’ll make it even better when I come home.” He grinned, before pulling his suitcase and his backpack out the door to the car that was waiting.

Y/N grimaced, she hated lying to her husband, but she hoped it would be worth it for the surprise.

---

“C’mon Susie! We’re gonna be late.” Y/N turned around, comfy in her sweats and eager to get on the plane to get to the race. Susie was also surprising her husband this weekend, and had agreed to help Y/N with her plan.

“Y/N, the plane will still land at the same time regardless of whether we run down the bridge or walk.” Susie followed behind, wearing the same sweatpants but somehow looking as much of a girlboss as she always did.

“Yes but, okay leave me alone, I’m excited.” Y/N couldn’t stop the smile breaking out on her face.

“Wait for me!!” Susie jogged after Y/N, laughing at her friend's antics.

---

“Hey Bono, where’s the wife this weekend?” one of the Mercedes mechanics got up from where he’d been working on the car and clapped Bono on the shoulder.

“Couldn’t make it, had something pre booked that she couldn’t avoid.” Bono grimaced slightly, focusing on the data on his laptop. He didn’t want to think about it.

“Aww bummer, well, would love to see her at some point, and the missus wants her to come round, both of you, for dinner or something.” the mechanic pointed his spanner at Bono before bending down back under the car.

“Well when I next see her I’ll get her to message Natalia, okay?” Bono was distracted as he picked up his phone, before pausing at the lock screen.

It was a photo of Y/N and Pete, on their wedding day. Due to lockdowns they hadn’t had the opportunity to have a proper wedding but they had dressed up nicely for the courthouse to sign all the documents. And they’d taken a timed photo outside to make it feel slightly romantic. It was both of their lockscreens and brought up many good memories, with a tinge of sadness due to the fact that they couldn’t celebrate it with their friends.

---

Susie and Y/N subtly entered the paddock. Due to the fact that qualifying was underway, the paddock was almost abandoned as everyone was focused. They took the opportunity to grab a quick coffee from the hospitality, swearing the staff to secrecy as they settled down in a booth, watching the qualifying.

The qualifying ended, with George in 5th but Lewis on pole. Y/N smiled at her husband being spotted, celebrating and hugging Toto.

“God, they’re both gonna be so excited.”

Toto and Jack quickly left the garage, and Susie prepared to see her husband and son, laughing when they came in.

“Hello Toto. Hello Jack.”

“Y/N!” Jack quickly bypassed his mother, instead running towards Y/N, laughing as she scooped him up in a hug.

“Hello Jack!”

“Bono said you weren’t coming this weekend.”

“I know, but it’s a secret, can you keep a secret for me Jack? Just until I find Bono and then I can tell him, and you don’t have to keep that secret anymore.”

“Oh, like…” Jack leaned down and whispered something in Y/N’s ear, which caused her to laugh

“Yes Jack. Just like that.”

---

“Darling? What are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t make it this weekend.” Bono almost spun himself out of his chair as he spotted his wife walking into the garage, chatting lightly with Lewis with her camera in her hand.

“Well I wasn’t about to miss a race weekend, besides, the shoot finished early, here come look at the photos.” Y/N beckoned to him as she set the camera on the desk and started clicking to find her photos.

“So these are the photos I shot, if you want to have a look.” Y/N beckoned to the camera, before taking a step back and awkwardly hovering next to him, looking nervously around the garage.

Bono scrolled through the photos on the camera, stopping when he got to a photo of his wife.

“Oh darling, I didn't know you were doing modelling for this job too.”

“Mmm, yeah,” Y/N looked at the rest of the garage, who were acting like they were still trying to work, while subtly listening in on the conversation.

“Wait darling, what’s this?”

Y/N turned to look at the photo he was pointing at which had her holding a sign with the words ‘wedding part 2?’

“Well I felt bad about all your friends and family and coworkers missing the wedding because of COVID, so I may have started planning a vow renewal so they can see us get married.”

“Darling…i- this is one of the best things you could’ve given to me.”

“Of course!”

---

taglist: @leosxrealm, @pear-1206, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3

[the-kr8tor]

back to back requests, if you are okay with that. r finding out that she’s pregnant, and then hobie finding out? or maybe they both find out at the same time? up to you!!

Another banger request, bestie! Thank you 🫶

Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x fem! Reader

Tags: Use of Y/N sparsely, no specific physical description of the reader (except for her clothing), CW vomiting, description of illness, pregnancy talk, Billie and Ramona AU, Dad! Hobie, Mom! Reader, FLUFF

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

The portal opens in the living room, from the force of it opening has the boat rocking in the stagnant water. the sounds of your trinkets falling and crashing on the floor has Peter B. Cringing, while Mayday giggles excitedly in his arms. MJ follows close behind, all dressed up and pretty for their anniversary. The portal closes behind her in a mechanical sound.

“Hobie! Y/N?” Peter yells across the small space.

Mayday babbles to what sounds like your names. She tries to escape from her father's hold, kicking and squealing excitedly.

“Maybe they're still asleep?” MJ looks behind the kitchen island, she shrugs, having no idea where you or Hobie are.

Meanwhile, Mayday escapes, crawling across the floors. Upon your request, Peter took off Mayday's web shooters because in their last visit, well, the toddler almost gave you a heart attack.

Peter scratches his head, eyes flicking towards the closed bedroom door. “Do you think they're, you know?” he asks his wife with a slight whisper, wiggling his eyebrows.

MJ side glances, “Come on, really, Pete?”

Mayday points at the bathroom further down the hallway, Peter's enhanced hearing picks up retching and dry heaving inside the closed bathroom, the sound bouncing off the tiled walls.

He picks up Mayday, cradling her head. Looks like date night is postponed when the only person who volunteered to babysit Mayday is sick.

“Everything alright in there?” he knocks softly on the door.

The living room window slides open and out jumps Hobie holding onto a brown paper bag.

“You're early, hey MJ.” He says nonchalantly.

“Hi, Hobie, is she okay?” MJ grimaces after another round of retching continues inside the bathroom.

“Dude,” Peter makes way for Hobie to enter the small hallway. “Is she sick? You know I can't drop Mayday off while there's some sort of infection happening in here–” he gets a thwack upside the head from his wife.

“She's fine” Hobie says it to the couple but it's more of a reassurance for himself. “We both think she ate something bad a few days ago and she's been like this every morning.” He knocks twice on the door.

MJ looks like she's thinking.

Your pained muffled voice echoes out. “I'll be out in a minute, sorry.”

“Don't be sorry, love. I've got your meds, yeah? Come out so you can drink it” he says through the door.

With a click of the doorknob, you reveal yourself to the party in Hobie's jumper and a very old sweatpants hanging on your hip. Your eyes are flushed, sniffing to hell and back.

“Hi, sorry I don't think we can take care of Mayday today.” You say dejectedly, eyes forlorn as you look at the toddler who's equally devastated to hear the news.

“Aww man but we've got reservations–” MJ slaps Peter upside the head again.

Hobie helps you walk with his arms wrapped around your shoulders, thumb massaging comfortingly. He whispers to you. “How do you feel?”

“I feel like my stomach is doing somersaults.” You groggily say. Hobie sits you down on the settee, handing you a water bottle and medicine.

“Y/N, sweetheart, when was the last time you had your period?” You almost did a spit take when MJ asked you the question.

“Honey, what the he–cow” Peter fumbles, realizing that his daughter's still in his arms, watching him with her big eyes.

Hobie looks at you with wide eyes, slowly realizing something. You ate the same thing he eats everyday so why are you the only one with the stomach bug?

“Uh I'm late this month…” you side eye Hobie who looks like he's about to vomit right there and then. “Why? I'm probably just stressed and…” MJ gives you a soft look.

“Are you fatigued?” MJ softly asks, you nod while Hobie observes you and you only. “Any tenderness in the chest” you nod again. Hobie flicks his eyes down to your stomach. “Y/N, darling.” She smiles at you and Hobie, Peter gives you two the most awkward thumbs up. Mayday copies her dad, nodding along.

You chuckle nervously, facing Hobie, your bottom lip wobbling.

“Y/N” Hobie looks at you with glistening eyes. “Love, I think I should swing by the chemist again.” He holds your hand affectionately, eyes never leaving yours as a smile spreads across his face.

Peter's spidey senses warn him, covering Mayday's ears in one quick dad movement.

“Holy shit! Am I pregnant?!” you screech.

One agonizing fifteen minutes later, two lines appear on the small plastic stick, confirming MJ’s suspicion. Hobie was with you the entire time, holding your hand, caressing your back as he whispers ‘I love yous’ in your ear. You know you and the baby will be okay.

[magical-girl-coral]

I did the mistake of entering a blog that unironically reblogs confessional discourse posts and read a lot of stupid takes so here's me debunking them, I guess:

Why didn't the Bad Kids reach out to the Rat Grinders? - They did. Multiple times. The Rat Grinders were mean to them back so the Bad Kids dropped that plan. Ivy was racist about Mazey to hurt Fabian's feelings. Adaine called Oisin cool in one episode and then saw him murder Buddy the next. Fig and Kristen tried to recruit Mary Ann several times and she didn't give a fuck. Ruben fully tried to antagonize Fig when he first saw her because he could. They don't owe them to stick to people who were sucky to them.

From a mechanical standpoint, Brennan did this so they players won't waste time on them and move on to solve the mystery. From a story perspective, it was because the Rat Grinders refused to be saved. They were too brainwashed by rage and they refused to let it go. Even in the last fucking battle Fig tried to reach out as Wanda Childa and Ruben almost killed her with a ninth level spell. I'd say they were pretty fucking patient if you ask me.

The Bad Kids were too mean to the Rat Grinders in the final battle! - No, they were not. Oisin taunted Adaine about her greatest fears before trying to murder the entire student body. Ivy was racist in her last moments and called Mazey "objectively ugly." Ruben was an asshole to everyone he meets. Kipperlilly tried to get them all expelled since episode three. The Rat Grinders sucked as people when they were villains and the Bad Kids had every right to lose their shit.

Fig was too cruel to Ruben. Getting into his dreams was insane - One, Ruben was a villain NPC that won't stop threatening her party. She entered his dreams after he tried getting them kicked out of school by offering them drugs. Pete entered Kingston's dream palace after he threatened to take Pete if he gets out of line again. When PCs get threatened, they act out. Secondly, this is how the team finds out about devil's honey, one of the more important discoveries they've had yet. Her entering his dreams worked.

Thirdly, shatter star Ruben was a creep that dated his fans (an extremely uneven power dynamic) and then made songs out of being toxic in those relationships. Sandra Lynn, Fig's mother, had her life ruined by a man that tricked her into a toxic relationship with an uneven power dynamic. Insane that no one made this connection yet.

How could the Bad Kids kill them when they were forced into being Shatter Starred? - This one pisses me off the most because of how much this is based on hindsight. The Bad Kids didn't know the Rat Grinders were forced into the ritual. They canonically knew few things:

The Rat Grinders joined a rage ritual after their sophomore year spring break adventure

They almost definitely killed their cleric Lucy Frostblade

They famously hated the Bad Kids since forever.

They never went on real adventures and instead grind rats for their first year and then were power leveled by two teachers

Not once was it hinted none of them wanted to commit to the ritual. It was a popular fan theory but that's it. The only one who evidently didn't was Lucy and Yolanda and they found their bodies in the forest with runes written on their bones so they couldn't be brought back.

Isn't it weird how the Bad Kids did a 180 and asked the Rat Grinders to be brought back once the battle was done? - No. They only found out at the very last minute that the only one who did the ritual willingly was Kipperlilly after she died and her lack of a scar was revealed. This was at at the very end of the season finale. Of course the Bad Kids felt bad after they put 2 and 2 together and asked them to be brought back, they were the same way about Ragh and Awelyn when they found out more about their backstories.

It's so shitty of Brennan to not delve into any of the Rat Grinders' backstories - We still don't know if Jawbone is Tracker's biological uncle or not. We don't know if Sandra Lynn's family supported her after the scandal or not. We don't know the name of Ragh's father or any of the mothers' maiden names. A lot of NPCs in Fantasy High have a shit of information missing because only the plot relevant stuff comes up. Some NPCs are more relevant than others, that's just how it is.

I remember when people used to make forums to theorize about a character's past. We made OCs and new cities out of fun when the creators didn't. Where's the fucking joy, man? Where is the fucking whimsy?

I bid you all adieu with this:

Get in the fucking transcripts, for the love of god.

[marbledwings]

Fanfic Friday! ✨

Have I been compulsively reading fic instead of dealing with real life? Maybe. While I don't recommend that as a coping mechanism, I DO recommend all of these wonderful stories.

I even remembered to include word count and ratings this time.

Dear Ed (sorry, wrong chat) - @chaotic-neutral-knitter

Words: 3,140, T

The widows find Stede's love letters. All I can say is, poor poor Mary 😭

Yours in Every Way - ClaireGregory

Words: 5,122, M

Another epistolary fic! I love AUs where Stede is a tailor, what a perfect profession for him and him falling in love with a customer through their choice of fine fabrics is very on brand.

Pete & Prejudice - shieldmaidenofmithrilhall

Words: 13,943, T

This fic is so funny and romantic that the examination of how courageous it is to dismantle your own toxic masculinity sneaks in while you're giggling over Lucius's POV (and Ed and Stede being so over-the-top into each other).

A New Season - @amuseoffyre

Words: 128,624, T

Fyre's take on S3 - an incredible, ambitious, triumphant pirate's tale which gives every character (and some new ones!) time to shine. This has been such a fun WIP to follow and it's now finished!

quite a career shift - shipmates/ @stedesparasol

Words: 156,570, E

Booktuber Stede and criminal turned author Ed meet via youtube comments. Deliciously angsty with both Stede and Ed's internal conflict written so well. I devoured this one in record time.

[sciderman]

Wait i just...injust realised something.

Peter and Logan are both self-proclaimed loners, they have both serious anger issues and are kinda assholes who tend to lash out at people, one of their coping mechanisms (if i noticed it right with Peter) is to just leave a situation in anger and self-isolate themselves, they both seem to fall in love with most people around them (poly kings), and alot of people (including multiple villians) have a "God you piss me off so much! I wanna fuck you so bad! I HATE how atractive you are to me!" thing going on. They both lost their fashion style for the most part during the early 200s (70s and 80s were a fashion peak for them), transmascs seem to see them as transition goals, they both had their original love interest they intended on marrying and when that didn't work out (Gwen and Mariko), they had a period of being with a wild thrill-seeking lady in black bodysuits (Black Cat and Yukio), and they're both more skilled, smart and powerful than alot of people seem to think, they're also kinda hypocrites in the sense that they preach what others should be while not exactly being that themselves. They also have a Samurai and Ninja dynamic going on a bit. Like...no wonder i love both and no wonder Logan did that whole native american "blood brother" ritual with Pete, they're so similar in alot of things.

this is called batman syndrome and it effects one in every 5 superheroes. there is currently no cure. one like one prayer

[secfics]

my favourite starker fics, part 2

hi. for my second reclist in this blog, i put together more starker fanfics that i’ve been discovering lately and have made their way into my personal list of favourites that i re-read again and again. in no particular order and with some cw/dark themes here and there, here they come:

• pete’s eats; by bloodgutsandstarbucks (ao3) aka @darker-soft-starker, Teen and Up, 9’3k, oneshot

Peter having a YouTube channel where he just drinks wine and teaches people how to cook things if they live in a mediocre apartment. While cooking and drinking he just talks about stuff like memes and school and, most importantly, his undying thirst for Tony Stark.

• naturally; by ursafootprints (ao3) aka @ursafootprints, E, 16’3k, 3/3 chapters

"Mr. Stark," Peter whispered for the third time, his voice now airless where it had previously been rough from sleep. "Are you okay?"

Mr. Stark's thumb was slowly tracing back and forth over Peter's temple, but it stopped its trek as he finally took a deep breath, the first sign that he was really hearing what Peter was asking.

Voice rough with something other than sleep, Mr. Stark said, "No," and leaned in to kiss him.

Or: Unbeknownst to Peter, Tony gets dosed with sex pollen (sex serum?) on a mission, so he's nothing but thrilled when all his wet dreams about Mr. Stark suddenly start coming true-- until the morning after.

this app won’t let me add links to all of the titles for no reason so i’ll add extra links after the summary of the ones i wasn’t able to, here is the link:

• you’re not yet done; by ursafootprints (ao3) aka @ursafootprints, E, 166’7k, 14/14 chapters - cw: rape, bad guys made them do it

Tony didn't know what it would do to either of them, to play this out like a shadow cast by the real thing, real love and sex and intimacy. But it was what Peter was asking him for, so he did it.

In the aftermath of a traumatic abduction by a villain, Tony and Peter have to cope with their not-entirely-in-sync coping mechanisms, concerned family and friends, figuring out who exactly really arranged the whole thing, and their evolving feelings for each other.

link:

• the leash; by downjune, M, 30’2k, 2/2 chapters

Peter didn’t know if they talked to anyone else who carried them, but when he had the Infinity Gauntlet tucked under his arm, he could swear the stones were trying to…commune with him. They wanted something from him. Wanted to be used. He wanted to be rid of them.

Until he found Tony Stark leaned against some torn up tree roots and rock. He found Tony dying.

At that point, Peter was ready to bargain.

• velvet elvis; by orphan_account, M, 45’7k, 7/7 chapters

Peter just wants Tony to feel comfortable in Peter's new home. That's it. He totally has no ulterior motives whatsoever. Nope.

link:

• practical results; by anonymous aka ‘is this thing (an)on?’ tag, M, 81’4k, 12/12 chapters - cw: dubious consent/bad guys made them do it

This isn’t his bedroom - not the one at the compound, or the suite in Milan. Definitely not the penthouse in New York. In all honesty, it looks like the inside of the fucking Spaceship Earth ride at Epcot.

“Kid,” he tries again, more urgently now, “where the hell are we?”

“Uhh, the guy said we’re someplace called Sakaar.”

“The guy? What guy?”

Let's say that after the uprising on Sakaar, the Grandmaster manages to cling to power by offering people an even better form of entertainment than the Contest of Champions: Porn. He offers them porn.

• rebuild; by tuesday (ao3) aka @everysecondtuesday, Teen and Up, 14’7k, oneshot

Tony lives, falls in love despite himself, and spends entirely too much time in California.

• in the hands of gods; by therogueheart (ao3) aka @therogueheart, E, 20’2k, oneshot

Peter has known nothing but the God Stark his entire life. The blessings he gives; and the cruelty he can deal. When Peter comes of age he must begin the next phase of his worship to the God - Sexuality.

But Peter has never been good at following rules, and he does the one thing that no man is permitted to do.

He touches.

link:

• expiration date; by learnedfoot (ao3) aka @learned-foot, E, 12k, oneshot

Tony knows exactly what this is. First big breakup, go for a fling with a completely inappropriate person. It’s basically a cliché. He kind of thought Peter was better than that, but apparently being brilliant and one of the bravest people on the face of the planet doesn’t mean he’s immune from being a stupid college student who makes stupid college student mistakes.

AKA Tony is sure this is just a fling, and he deals with that about as well as you’d expect.

link:

• the last five years; by orphan_account, M, 71’1k, 9/9 chapters

Tony Stark has spent the last six months trying to find a way to bring back those lost in The Snap, but when he succeeds and Peter Parker and the rest of the lost Avengers return he discovers that it has been a little bit longer for them.

• prototype protocol; by roamingsignals (ao3) aka @spider-mancan, E, 82’8k, 8/8 chapters

Tony Stark isn't good, despite years of trying. When the multiverse dumps a younger Tony into their laps, Tony is split between solving the problem and protecting Peter's virtue.

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Stark.” Peter’s eyes are wide and unassuming and Tony is a bad man. “I’ve been handling you for years. I can handle him just fine.”

“I’m sure you can,” Tony's throat is really dry, for some reason. “I trust you.”

He just doesn’t trust himself. He doesn’t trust himself at all.

link:

• the friendly neighborhood; by postelectric, M, 22’9k, oneshot

“Mr. Stark?”

Before Tony looks, he hopes to every god whose hand he’s shaken that he’ll meet an uncanny Parkeresque-but-definitely-not-the-real-Peter Parker doppelganger who just happens to know who he is. That’s what he tells himself, anyway. It’s not impossible. Tony saved the universe. Most people know him, even with the giant face scar. Maybe because of the giant face scar.

It’s the real Peter Parker. He’s barely taller than he was at sixteen and he has pretty much the same amount of hair, but he’s got more in the shoulders and jawline these days. “Mr. Parker. You grew up.”

“Yeah,” Peter says. “That, uh, that happens sometimes, if you’re lucky.”

“You got lucky.”

(or, in which the friendly neighborhood spider-man from queens doesn't become an avenger and doesn't turn to dust. or, in which tony stark restores the universe for pepper potts and then lives to tell about it, which is not according to plan.)

link:

• permission; by cagestark (ao3) aka @cagestark, E, 15’8k, 5/5 chapters

During drinks with the Avengers, Peter admits that he enjoys orgasms more when someone is giving him permission, though since he's single, there isn't anyone in his life to offer it.

Generous Tony offers to offer it.

link:

hope you like them as much as i did!

[marshvlovestv]

The thing about being a gamer girl who suddenly becomes very obsessed with a television show is that it is no longer enough for me to simply look at my blorbos on a screen. I need to be able to interact with these characters somehow. I am starved of this.

So I came up with a concept for if Ghosts (US) was a video game peace and love

It would be a hotel management sim (which I know, yucky boring, but hear me out) but you keep being interrupted by the ghosts who make you do silly minigames (fishing game with Thor, cooking game with Sass, rhythm game with Alberta, archery game with Pete, etc. etc.). This is not only the fun part of the game, but these minigames actually end up being mechanically quite vital to the success of the hotel. So when the game eventually asks you to help the ghosts ascend, there's this push and pull where saying goodbye is obviously a good thing but you've become so emotionally and mechanically attached to these characters that it's hard.

So yes, it basically turns into Pyre at the end. Great artists steal babeyy

[crazyk-imagine]

Veils, Weddings, and Best Friends Weddings

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Plus size!reader

Characters: Robert "Bob" Floyd, Plus size!reader, Natasha "Phoenix" Trace, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, Penny Benjamin, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Warnings: Fluff, angst, friends to lovers, secret rendezvous, everyone rooting for Bob and reader to get together, small age gap between friends, age gap between lovers, plans gone wrong, reader talking about Bob being a kid, unnecessary drama but it's for the plot, Bob and Natasha make a rough comment to the other, Jake's only a vegetarian because of Ian in the movies, Bob's kinda a hoe for the reader, he's also an ass man in one scene 0-0

Word Count: 5,738

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You shake your head, watching your best friend stare at a happy couple, already knowing she wishes she could have that kind of love… which hurts you in more ways than one. You sigh to yourself knowing that you’re going to have to break her out of her gaze.

You reach behind you, untying your apron and lean onto her nudging her arm. "Don't do that sad puppy dog look, Tash. You’ll find your special someone. I know it."

She scoffs, removing her gaze from the couple to take your apron. "Yeah, where?"

"He's just around the corner."

"You go out on more dates than I do how do you not have a boyfriend."

You know what she’s doing, it’s her defense mechanism, one she’s been doing since you two were kids.

You shrug, going around her to grab your purse and coat. "All the ones I find are jerks."

"Bob isn’t."

"Please don't start this again," you plead.

"I'm just saying. If it was between the two of us, you would have a better chance at finding love than I would." She opens the register to make change before sending the couple off so she can talk to you.

You sigh, "Natasha, I love you. I do, but you have to realize that I am older. I would look like a cougar."

"You’re barely four years younger than me."

"And I'm still seven years older than him. I've seen him take baths. I even helped."

She furrows her brows. "Now?"

"No! When we were kids. He was the sweetest little boy ever."

"To you," she mutters.

"No, he-" ‘Huh.’ As you think about it, maybe you did have to resolve more than one of his tantrums when no one else could. "Maybe he wasn't but-"

"Don't you even try to argue and say he was an angel. He wasn't. He was absolutely terrible except for you and only you but you don’t want to admit it."

You roll your eyes. "I have to go to work, Natasha."

She sighs, "please don't leave mad."

"I'm not, I'm not… I promise… pain in my ass."

She chuckles, even though she knows you don’t want to admit any of it, but her baby brother was a menace as a kid, and he’d only ever be the most well behaved and calm down faster when you helped him.

Penny walks through the door, "oh is it time for you to leave already? I feel like I've barely gotten to see you."

You chuckle, grabbing your coat off the counter. "It is."

"Come for dinner."

"Oh. I couldn't." You always like having dinner with Natasha and Bob’s family but it gets awkward whenever they try to discuss your guy’s future wedding, last time you went to dinner that was all they talked about.

"I'll make you a special plate,” she adds to persuade you.

You pretend to think about it. "Leftovers?"

"Only small container."

Which means, take as much as you want. "Deal?" You’re scared about tonight’s dinner topic.

She pulls you in for a hug and kisses your cheeks. "Have a good day, darling."

"You too, Mrs. P."

"How many times do I have to tell you, call me Penny."

You can’t bring yourself to that… not when you need to break it off. "Bye ladies."

-

You walk out of the restaurant, reaching into your purse only to find it not clutched underneath your armpit. You could have sworn you brought it with you. You turn around, staring at the ground not wanting to fall on the slippery, wet concrete (today, your butt is still a little sore from two days ago).

"Woah! Woah!" A set of hands grips your waist tightly, keeping you upright.

You lift your head and find the reason why these hands feel familiar. "Oh, gosh. Sorry, Bob. Even as careful as I was, I still managed to slip."

He smiles at the joke, knowing you’re being this nice to him because his family is watching you from inside the restaurant (and he’s late for his shift, again but for a good reason). “It’s a good thing I was here to catch you." His hands haven’t moved from your waist.

"Bob," you lower your head, making sure he understands how he can’t make jokes like that, even if you did leave his room early before anyone was awake.

"What?” He shrugs, ignoring your look. “It was a harmless comment."

You scoff, "nothing with you is harmless."

"Ouch.” He places his right hand over his heart, “that hurts. No, it really does."

"Why are you here?"

"Your purse." He holds it out for you.

"Oh," you blink owlishly, taking the item from him. "Thank you!” You glance back at him with a raised brow. “You know if I didn't know any better, I would think you took it just talk to me like this in front of your family."

"You're over at the house all the time, I could just steal you away from Nat."

"How sneaky."

His lips tug upwards into a smirk. "Only for you."

A sigh escapes through your nose. "You cannot say things like that to me."

"Why not?" He asks, you always tell him this, but it doesn’t change anything that’s been going on between you two. “Tell me why I can’t say things like that to you and I’ll stop.”

“I have to go to work.”

His joking attitude falls, “hey, wait. I didn’t mean to overstep-”

“Bob, you are their prized baby boy. You’re the one who’s going to do greater and better things than they could have ever imagined. We wouldn’t-”

“Don’t finish that sentence because you’re wrong, you don’t know how my family talks about you when you’re not around.”

“I’ll see you at dinner, Bobby.”

He turns around watching you walk away as soon as your figure disappears his head falls back, staring up at the gray clouds, wondering how things can change for you to realize how much his family sees you as one of their own.

If they could have, they would have adopted you, so they don’t have to call you the “adopted daughter”. But then again, they do keep dropping hints about him asking you a certain question so they can officially call you their favorite daughter-in-law (including the in-laws themselves).

He turns around and heads into the restaurant, ready to start his shift.

Natasha doesn’t say anything but feels she should do something to help you realize how much in love her brother is with you… maybe after she helps the incredibly handsome blond man, she sees in the window who then enters the restaurant and sits down with his friend.

There are a few complaints about how the food doesn’t taste the same as it normally does, which makes sense since this morning’s talk brought down his happy mood.

He thought maybe you left your purse because you wanted to have something more with him.

-

Your day didn’t go any better, the only new thing that happened involves your coworker and her setting you up on a blind date knowing today is one of the three days you show up with a side for dinner at Natasha’s family home. You tried to tell her to cancel it, but she didn’t want to listen.

“Why do you want me to cancel it so badly? Is it because that guy who drops you off lunch finally wised up and confessed?” Lucy asks, with a wide smile.

You tilt your head, “who- do you mean Bob?”

She nods, “yes, yes! The cutie with the glasses. He’s always so sweet when he asks where you are? I wish my boyfriend would describe me the way he does about you.”

“How does he-” Your guy’s shared boss, Ed (short for Edward) interrupts, informing you two to get back to work.

Lucy grabs your arm as you two rush back to your workstations. “So, what I’m hearing is, he can’t man up and ask you out and you’re, in fact, single.”

You sigh, knowing she’s won.

“Perfect,” she pauses.

“What? Why did you go quiet all of a sudden?”

“Now, I don’t know if you should go on this date. The guy I chose for you has been known to be a… player but- but I see the look on your face, please let me finish. But he's changed. Or maybe if you want, he can help you. Oh, yes. I’m brilliant. I’ll text him and tell him we have a plan to get two lovebirds together.”

“You forget Bob and I aren’t lovebirds.” You feel dirty saying that, almost like you’re lying.

“Not yet.”

You regret talking to her about these kinds of things now.

-

As you walk to Lucy’s car, you text Natasha.

Brat Tamer

‘Hey, can’t stay for dinner but I have a side ready. I’ll drop it off, make sure someone cab grab it' 6:02pm Sent Read

“Okay, where to?”

“Your house first. I always have a spare party outfit in my car.”

“How often do you go out?”

“When was the office new year’s party?”

“Same day as the Christmas party?”

“And that was?”

“First Saturday of December.”

“That’s how long I’ve had them in my car.”

“Lucy,” you chuckle.

“What?”

“You cannot tell me that you’ve left dirty clothes in your car for the last six and a half months?!”

“Don’t worry. I got them dry cleaned a few days after. I just never brought them upstairs to put in my closet. The elevator at my apartment complex is always broken and I have to walk up four flights of stairs.”

You giggle, “okay, Luc. Whatever you say.”

“Peter will be at the restaurant in a booth at seven which gives me enough time to throw something together while you do your makeup.”

“I mean, I guess.”

“This is going to be fun.”

Nat the Brat

‘Got it… what color lipstick goes with the black dress I found at the mall a few years ago?’ 6:13pm Sent Read

You reread the text and find yourself smiling.

Brat Tamer

‘Your date better be with the one you were drooling over during your story. I can’t wait to meet him. One of your two pink lipsticks, don’t want to scare him away with a dark color ;)’ 6:15pm Sent Read

“Okay, it’s time to doll you up.”

“What Era are we obsessed with today that were throwing in words people don’t use often?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know. “Doll you up” just felt right.”

Neither of you say anything as she picks out your outfit and you’re left to wander into the bathroom and finish your makeup.

Her quietness does concern you seeing as she’s normally so talkative, but you don’t put too much thought into it as you search for your favorite lipstick.

You hadn’t realized she was texting Natasha to figure out what would make Bob tick and push himself into asking you out- officially.

If only you hadn’t introduced the two of them when you invited Natasha as your plus one to your work barbecue a couple of years ago.

“I found it. Come out here.”

“But you’re there.”

“Oh.” She sighs, “I’ll turn around.”

You give her the okay to turn around and her jaw drops. “Oh, I am a miracle worker.”

“You’re too cocky for your own good.”

“That’s why I’m using my good on you,” she adds a wide smile.

You roll your eyes, “I don’t buy it.”

-

“Can you take it to their door?”

“I’m a stranger. Why would they accept a meal from me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why can’t you cooperate with me?”

“I am,” Lucy argues.

“No, you’re not.”

“Well then you should have thought about this beforehand.”

“I did. You’re the one who wouldn’t stop here first.”

She shrugs. “Either you drop it off or they don’t get their special “adopted daughter” side dish.”

You groan, unbuckling your seatbelt. “I hate you.”

“Not after tonight you won’t.”

As soon as you stepped out of the car, she texted Natasha.

You knock on the door, waiting for her to answer. Your eyes slightly widen seeing- “Bob. Hey.”

“I thought you couldn’t make it tonight?”

“That’s true.”

“But you’re here.”

“I just came to drop off this,” you hold the dish pan in front of him.

He leans down to smell it. “Smells like my favorite.”

You roll your eyes, “you say that about everything I make.”

“And it’s true. But-uh- why are you dressed up?”

“My coworker is setting me up on a blind date.”

“Really?” His eye glaze over with annoyance, you think.

“I tried to-”

“Have fun on your date.” And he slams the door in your face.

You scoff and walk back to the car.

“So, what happened?”

You yank the seatbelt out of its place and click it into place with a huff. “How do you think?”

She says nothing and starts the car. “What if I told you that Peter is actually engaged, and I lied so that Bob would ask you out?”

“What?” You turn to her, “what the hell do you mean?”

“Well- we just-”

“You and Natasha planned this? Is she even home right now?”

“She's on a date, I swear she is. But we just- we’re so tired of you being sad and not admitting your feelings-”

“I’m getting out.”

“What? No.” She tries to grab you but you’re already out. “Come on, get back in the car.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry, please just get inside the car.”

“Why?”

“We’re gonna go hangout.”

“How do I know you’re not lying?”

“Because I’m a nice person.”

You roll your eyes and get back in the car. “It’s going to be a calm night. We’re going out to dinner and then maybe somewhere for dessert.”

You two wind up having a really good time and she helped get your mind off the fact that Bob was so annoyed, for no reason.

-

You wake up to find two missed calls from Natasha along with a few texts. You roll over, not responding; still upset over what she and Lucy planned.

You didn’t talk to her or Bob for a week and it was miserable, for everyone.

No one in the family knew what had happened and didn’t know how to help, all they knew was that their children were depressed, and you were the obvious solution.

Penny knocks on your door when you have barely started to wind down after your long day.

You open the door, expecting it to potentially be your best friend or Lucy and are surprised. “Mrs. P?”

“Can I come in?”

You nod and open the door wider, “what are you- shouldn’t you be at home getting dinner ready? I mean, I’m not- why- uh-” You scratch your head. “Why are you here?”

“My children are depressed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that-”

“You haven’t been around the house in a week, and I know what something’s wrong. What did they do? Maybe I can talk to them and make it better.”

You sigh and sit beside her on the couch. “It’s nothing that can’t be resolved, I just needed Nat to learn her lesson and she’s got her own life to live anyway. I mean, she’s started college and is doing something with her life, something that’s not what’s expected of her… no offense.”

She shrugs, “I understand but you should know she’s lonely because she has no one to talk to. She wants to be able to talk to you again.”

You take a deep breath, “I’ll stop by tonight.”

She claps her hands before pulling you in for a hug.

“Good, good. Everyone will be happy.”

“I don’t think it’s going to change much.”

“My little Bobby will be especially happy.”

You lean against the door, holding onto the doorknob. “What makes you say that?”

“A mother knows these things.” And with that, she left you with your thoughts.

-

You walk down the familiar walkway, listening to the bustle of the family moving about the house. You smile and knock on the door, not knowing if it’s unlocked or not.

One of the cousins, Bradley, opens the door.

“Well, look who came crawling back. Finally decided to drop the schmuck and find someone better. Maybe someone with a mustache,” he wipes his hand down his face, making sure to pay extra attention to his facial hair.

You roll your eyes, “move over, weirdo.”

“Hey,” he closes the door. Don’t make me tell the family about the one time-”

You jam your elbow into his side when you see your best friend making her way over to you.

She wraps her arms around you, ignoring her cousin as he pleads for someone to get help and that he’s dying. “I’m sorry.”

You shake your head, “don’t be. I’m just sorry it took me so long to come back.”

“No, I get it. It’s the same reason why I’m so scared to tell everyone about Jake.”

“You know once they meet him, they’ll adopt him, right?”

“What makes you say that?”

“I just know.” You pull her off to the side, “tell me about him.”

Your friend lowers her head, trying to hide her smile.

-

Neither of you notice when Bob manages to pull away from the aunts, he watches you two enjoying your conversation and realizes how much he screwed up and misses you.

Bradley pats his shoulder, “you gonna ask her?”

“I’m not asking anyone anything. Go brush your mustache somewhere else.”

“Hey, don’t hate on the ‘stache.”

-

Penny shouts for everyone and dinner starts with a slight twist; usually you and Natasha are seated by one another, but it seems that the family has other plans because now you and Bob are seated next to each other.

Everyone talks as if your absence didn’t happen, which was a relief on your part; you were scared they were going to bring it up.

After dinner everyone scattered and went to do whatever they wanted to.

You search for Natasha only to get a text from her saying she’s gone to hang out with Jake.

You scoff and shake your head as you lean against her doorway only to be frightened when you’re pulled back into another, yet familiar room. You turn around and stare at him.

“I wanted to say… sorry, you know about the other night.”

"You pulled me in here to apologize?"

He nods.

"What have you done with the real Bob?"

He rolls his eyes and sits down at his desk. "Shut up."

You stare at him with a soft smile. "Why did you really pull me in here?"

"I already told you."

You cross your arms, "you forget that I've known since you were a kid. I know when you're lying."

"I hate it when you do that," he huffs.

You furrow your brows, "do what?"

"Talk about me like I'm still a kid. I'm an adult, I have been. You know it. I mean," his chest bounces as he quickly chuckles to himself. "We've done things only adults would do."

Your eyes widen.

"Don't look at me like that."

"I'm giving you the most appropriate look after that comment, like you've gone insane." You glance back at the door.

"Don't worry. No one's going to come in. You're the only afterhours guest I've had."

"Somehow that doesn't comfort me."

He shrugs, "I don't know what to tell you then."

A piece of paper catches your eye. "What's that?"

"Nothing," he mumbles, moving it off the side.

"Is that-"

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing," you tell him with a smile. "Is it the flyer you were talking about?"

He avoids making eye contact. "No."

You chuckle and shake his shoulders, "don't lie. It is." You reach for it, only for him to stop you. "Am I not allowed to see it?"

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I- it's not ready."

"You think I'm going to care if it's done or not."

He doesn't say anything.

"Fine, don't let me see it."

He rolls his eyes, knowing exactly what you're doing. He pulls it out from under his pile of miscellaneous items.

You stare at it for a while, scaring him because he thinks you don’t like it. You shake your head and throw your arms around him.

He’s thrown off, unsure of what to do.

You adjust yourself and keep an arm wrapped around his shoulders, keeping him close. “This is so good. I can’t believe you did this. Have you shown anyone else?”

He shakes his head, “why would I do that?”

“Because this is amazing, and your family needs to know.”

“You’re bad for me,” he mumbles, turning his head further into your chest, enjoying the warmth coming from you.

“How can you say that?”

He lifts his head, the corner of his lips quirked upwards, he narrows his gaze on you.

You know you should get up and leave, most of his family are still downstairs and soon Natasha will be coming home (if she doesn’t spend the night with her boyfriend). “I should go,” you whisper.

He nods, leaning in. “Then go.”

You don’t make a move to leave until he’s less than an inch away from you.

His breath is warm against your lips as he whispers to you. “I won’t do anything unless you want me to.”

You lean in and kiss him as if he’s the cure, drinking all that he has to offer and he’s not going to stop you.

The chair creaks as you try to change your position.

“I don’t the chair can handle our weight,” you mumble against his lips.

“You’re right.”

You squeal as he lifts you, holding onto his neck for dear life as you push your chest against his. “What are you doing?”

“We’re moving this to a different space that can handle what I’m going to do to you.”

You don’t comment on that, suddenly feeling hotter. You land face first on the bed, giving Bob a beautiful view of your backside.

He takes a step closer, “god, I love this ass,” he mumbles against the side of your neck as he smacks it.

You open your mouth, but no sounds come out of you.

He flips you over and stares down at you causing you to feel self-conscious, something he notices right away.

“Hey,” he whispers. “Are you okay? We don’t need to do anything else if you don’t want to.”

You shake your head, “I’m fine.”

“You know I don’t like when you tell me “you’re fine”. It doesn’t make me think you’re really fine.”

You grab his cheeks and pull him close, “I’m good. I want this. I want you, Robert.”

He nearly shudders. “Oh, you’re in for it now. You know exactly what that does to me.”

You nod your head, giggling to yourself. “Why do you think I said it?”

After you saw him slowly making his way down your body, all you’ve felt is pure bliss.

-

And then it wasn’t, you don’t remember how it happened.

But suddenly you’re running around the room looking for your clothes. “You’re such an idiot,” you hiss in his direction while pulling up your pants.

“What?”

“Where the hell do you get off asking about some guy I don’t even remember. You’re not my boyfriend.”

Silence fills the room as you put on your shirt. You feel bad, you do; you shouldn’t have said that… even if it is true.

“You’re right I’m not.”

“I’m s-”

“I think it’s time I take up my parents offer on finding me a wife.”

Why does that comment feel like such a stab to your heart? “I hope you have fun with that then.” You grab your jacket and purse, shoes in one hand, the other opening his door. You lean against the door, covering your mouth so no one hears your cries.

-

You walk down the stairs and tiptoe out the door, just in time to see your best friend and her boyfriend. You walk ahead to your car, hoping she doesn't notice you're there.

As soon as you get yourself settled, the front door opens and he runs out, searching for you.

She gets out of the Jake's Tahoe, just in time to see her brother searching around like a mad man for God knows what. She can't tell because Jake just pulled away from the sidewalk and is blocking your car. "What is it?"

"I really messed up."

"What did you do?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not? It can't be that bad." She squints, letting her eyes adjust to the dark and faint light outlining his figure. "Right?"

His head drops.

"What happened?"

"I," he quiets down, unsure of how to tell her that he's more of an idiot than they realized. "I messed up and I don't think I can fix it."

"Does it involve a person?"

He nods. "This is not how I wanted it to go."

"Let's go inside so you can explain to me what happened."

The two sneak back inside, not wanting anyone to know where they were or ask questions.

-

"You what?" She paces around his room. "No wonder it smells like sex in here. Oh, wait a minute. Is that why she sneaks out of my room so much?"

He removes his glasses, wiping them off and doesn't do much to hide his smirk.

“You’re a pig.”

“At least I’m not a whore who hides.”

She punches his arm, “stop deflecting the question.”

He flops back onto his bed. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I was doing the one thing no brother should.”

“Yeah, canoodling my best friend, we’re past that. Honestly,” she lays down beside him. “I’m conflicted. On one hand, I’m happy you two finally got together but I’m also grossed out because you’re my brother.”

He chuckles, “yeah, I know. Thing is…”

“What?”

“We’re not actually… together.”

She pushes herself up. “You mean to tell me that you two were just,” she grimaces at the thought. “Gross.”

“I was trying to tell her but then I messed up.”

“What’d you do?”

“I brought up the guy she went on a date with and how I’d take up mom and dad’s help on finding a wife- Ow! Ow!” He raises his hands to defend himself. “What are you doing?”

“Smacking the stupid out of you.” She groans, rubbing a hand across her face. “You do realize that she never went on a date with that guy.”

He turns his head, staring at her with furrowed brows. “What are you saying?”

“Lucy and I made that up, so you’d get jealous and confess.”

“She never-”

“No,” she shakes her head.

-

The next few days are a little awkward for Bob; you ignore him and mainly stick to Natasha.

“I think you should talk to him,” she tells you as you look up something on your computer.

“No.”

“I think it’d be good for you.”

“And I think it’d be good if I never talk to him again.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” you nod. “He was such a jerk, and I don’t want to deal with anymore jerks in my life.”

“Look, I get it. I do but,” she wraps her arms around your shoulders. “I need you two be okay when Jake comes over.”

You gasp, “he’s finally coming to dinner.”

She nods, “tonight, which is why you and Bob are going to talk.”

“No.”

She shrugs and opens the door, forcing him into the room. “Talk.” She slams the door shut, holding the handle tightly.

You scoff, slamming your computer shut. “Go away.”

He shakes his head, “not until you hear what I have to say.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Please.”

You push yourself off the bed and point your finger at him as you talk. “You acted like a jealous boyfriend over a date I did not go on. And when I pointed out that you’re not, you told me that you’ll take your parents’ advice on finding a wife. What was I supposed to do? Lay back down so we could go for another round. No! You acted like a jerk, and I wasn’t going to stick around to see what else you’d say.”

He nods, slowly reaching for you; his warm hand wraps around your wrist, pulling you closer. “I know and I’m sorry. I overstepped and I- it’s- I don’t want you to… date anyone else.”

Your eyes glance between him and his hand.

“I don’t want to find someone else to be my wife because,” he groans, not knowing how you’ll react. “I want you.” He takes a step closer, leaving a mere few inches between you two. “I don’t think I could date or marry anyone else and not think of you.”

You gulp, “what about-”

He shakes his head and cups your cheek, resting his forehead on yours. “I broke up with her because she wasn’t the one person I dream about, you know. The only one who could stop me from having a tantrum and read to me when everyone else was too busy.”

You chuckle and hiccup, unable to stop the tears from flowing. “How do I know you’re not just saying this to make things right between us?”

“Have you ever seen me be this sweet to anyone else?”

You shake your head.

“Exactly. You’re the only one that I want, and I will fight anyone who tries to take you from me.”

You shake your head, smiling at his words and take a step forward, leaning into him, resting your forehead on his chest.

The door creaks open, “have you two made up?”

Neither of you respond.

“Good, now I don’t have to worry about it being awkward anymore. Thank God.” She groans.

“What?” Bob asks.

“Now, I have to pray neither of you are doing it.”

“Shut up,” you tell her, it comes out mumbled since you didn’t raise your head.

Penny calls you two down for dinner.

You take a couple extra minutes to pull yourself together. “Do I look okay?”

They assure you that you do and the three of you walk downstairs.

-

“Well, don’t you three look happy. Now, where’s your boyfriend?” Pete stares his daughter down.

All eyes land on Natasha, who shrinks under their gaze.

“He’s-” The doorbell rings. “Here,” she runs to the door.

You and Bob take a seat, waiting for everyone else to join.

The aunts ask him many questions about himself, what he does, how they met, etc.

But it got interesting when he told them he’s a vegetarian.

You snort and cover your face when everyone turns to you. “Sorry, sorry. I just- I thought of a really funny joke earlier… about- it doesn’t matter.”

Dinner officially begins, everyone reaches to grab a dish or a utensil, but you can’t get the one thing you want because it’s being passed around.

Bob notices and knows it’s hard to say something when everyone else is being so loud. “Hey!” He shouts.

The whole family stops and turns to him.

“Pass me that dish.”

You want to squirm in your seat but find yourself unable to when he starts scooping some of your favorite onto your plate.

He passes the dish back to his father.

You stare at your plate, unsure if that was a good thing for him to do, you two barely started talking again.

The family has barely begun to return to their previous conversations when you glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Thank you.”

He shrugs, “it was nothing.”

Natasha shakes her head.

Jake leans down and whispers into her ear, “is there something going there?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

-

Penny and Pete noticed how close you two were tonight, but don’t comment on it, knowing two kids in love won’t want to talk to- “two old people? Really, Pete?”

“What? You make it seem like I said a bad thing.”

“You’re an idiot.”

-

“I won’t tell, if you don’t,” you tell Jake.

He nods, “got it.”

You sneak into Bob’s room as he sneaks into Natasha’s room. “I wasn’t expecting you here.”

You shrug, “yeah, well, when an adorable idiot confesses his feelings, you tend to want to talk spend time with him.”

He huffs, “I’m an idiot, huh.”

“Did you miss the part where I said you were adorable?”

“No,” he places his hands against your waist and pulls you closer. “I just wanted to hear you say it again.”

You stare at him through your lashes, leaving no visible emotion on your face. “Really?”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“I’m going to-”

He cuts you off with a kiss. “Is there anything I can do to get you to stop?”

You smile as your curl your arms around his shoulders, “maybe.”

-

After Natasha and Jake’s wedding, everything seemed to calm down for them until someone (“never make fun of the ‘stache”) ratted you two out and it was your guys’ turn.

A few months after you two had been married it was time to announce your news.

“I’m pregnant!” You’ve never been given as many hugs as you did that afternoon.

“Wow, wow,” Jake says, holding you at arm’s length, looking as if he’s scared to hug you.

You narrow your eyes to him. “What’d you do?”

“Me? Nothing.”

“I’m pregnant!”

Penny embraces her daughter faster than you’ve ever seen.

“This feels like a Spartacus moment,” you comment.

Bob shakes his head. “You’ve gotten weirder since becoming pregnant.”

“Yeah, because your genes are inside me creating a life.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t think that’s it.”

“Whatever.”

“I hope they become as close as you two are.”

You wipe your cheeks, sniffling, “I knew I liked you for a reason, Jake.”

-

Sometime after that, you two go into labor and within a few hours your baby boy is born before your niece.

“He’s so cute,” you whisper, staring at your other favorite person.

Your husband nods, “he is.”

“I can’t believe we made him.”

“I know.”

“I’m telling Nat you cried.”

“Don’t you dare.”

You chuckle and lean your head against his shoulder, enjoying (the fact that you didn’t feel a thing) the newfound warmth knowing what the future is going to consist of.

-

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