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deanstudies101 · 7 months ago

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4x21, When the Levee Breaks

Critical theory: Trust. What makes a monster. Cycles of abuse, cycles of responsibility. Thee slow zoom out.

Discussion point/question(s): The brothers parallel trust of Cas vs. Ruby. How real are Sam’s hallucinations?

Key quotes: Dean, "You walk out that door, don't you ever come back."

Discussion:

Iga, “Even fake brain mum is mean to Dean.”

[I hate to say it, but Jared kinda ate.] He did great. He does good at looking terrible. That boy was tweaking. Iga, “Even after he stopped tweaking he was still tweaking.”

The end of the episode. When Dean says the line. Understand why he said that, but ouch. [He should not have have. That’s trauma. That is Sam’s trauma. He hit Sam’s nerves. Monster. I don’t trust you. Don’t ever come back. Those are Sam’s things.] Kai, I feel like Dean is being manipulated, I feel like this is what the angels want.

Iga, as soon as Cas let Sam out, thought that either the angels want Dean to kill Sam, or the other way around. They want one to kill the other. It’s sus.

Kai, it feels like the angels want the seals broken. It feels like a manipulated position, from both the demon and the angel side, pitting the brothers against each other. Whether that’s one killing the other, or the separation that’s important, it feels forced (not in a bad writing way, in a plot way). It feels like this is the road they’ve been put on, whether they like it or not. [I didn’t put ‘fate’ for this episode, but that’s a great thought.]

Weird shots this episode, weird angles on their faces at the end that really felt like more hallucinations. Maybe to do with the fracture. Weird, surreal effect. [Do you think it worked?] Don’t know what it was trying to do, so no idea. We need a director's cut.

There is stuff going on that we don’t know what it is. [I know what it is.] Well that’s great isn’t it.

The shots of Cas. The first one, the halo and the wings. HIT. All a hit. A smash. They keep putting lamps on his head. 10/10

Kai thinks Cain and Abel was a seal, but an earlier seal, like previously before all this ? [This doesn’t quite track because Dean broke the first one.] It feels like they’re going to come to Cain and Abel, maybe that’s what they’re doing here. Brother killing brother. Like Sam was strangling Dean.

Coming back to the weird shots—maybe Dean was really there, but some of the stuff he was saying was a hallucination. But it’s probably better writing if Dean (real) says stuff that Dean (hallucination) said earlier. But Dean looked more fish eyed, maybe Sam wasn’t seeing clearly. And Bobby literally just told him to be nice. But this could easily be within Dean’s character, just being kinda a dick to Sam because he’s lashing out. Think that it was real, but it’s weird.

They think Lilith eating babies is basic and could’ve been more horrific. Not original.

Fascinated by Sam’s hallucinations. They don’t make sense. Alistair tortured Dean in hell, that’s Dean’s trauma, why is he torturing Sam? Sure it’s scary, but like? Surely if anyone would hallucinate that, it would be Dean. Young him makes sense, but again something that Dean might hallucinate too that would affect him a lot, from a protective stance, but it does make sense. Mary is ?? Sam was 6 months old when she died, he doesn’t know her. Again, it’s a deep thing for Dean, even a point of resentment in that Dean remembers her and loved her, and Sam doesn’t remember her. Where was Jessica? Maddison? Sam has his share of traumas, but why Dean’s. Was Cas involved in this ? Sam was flying around the room. The voices were outside of Sam’s head [Kai and I disagree here—the voices weren’t outside of his head, just a stylistic choice to show he’s hallucinating.] For a Sam episode/experience, it feels a bit Dean-centric in a way we don't actually appreciate

Don’t trust Ruby. Starting to think Ruby is Lucifer’s first. Or another demon possessed the body. Maybe like how Cas got sent back to heaven, a similar thing happened and she’s working for Lilith now. She’s acting shady. She’s always been shady, but now it’s more.

[Kind of on this topic. It’s not heaven/hell. It’s Cas/Ruby. It’s; do we trust Cas or Ruby?) Cas is Dean’s Ruby. And poor Sam is watching Cas and Dean (“Dean being Cas’ little bitch, lowkey.”) and Cas is mean to Sam, the angels don’t like him, and thinking you know, Cas is stealing my brother from me, why does Dean trust this guy, and not seeing the hypocrisy. And Dean is thinking why is this demon taking my brother, why does Sam trust her? We’ve seen Sam’s internal monologue, the backstory, and Sam trusts Ruby. But Dean doesn’t trust Cas, he’s just trying to protect Sam. But also Sam didn't literally swear to do everything the demon says, like Dean just did for heaven. Both of their judgments are impaired when it comes to the other one. The entire parallel sets up Dean and Cas fucking. And it should’ve been Anna. It would’ve been Anna. [They would’ve been fucking.] They should make Dean and Cas fuck, that’s much better writing. [It’s truly fascinating. Because Dean and Anna already fucked. They would’ve continued.]

On the pairings, Ruby and Sam are very similar in the same way that they're Different™️. Sam has always felt different, and Ruby feels different because she remembers what it’s like to be human, they’re opposite in that way.

Cas and Dean are these poor emotional boys that have to act like tools, to be soldiers. And we’re extrapolating a bit, because Anna has the speech about feelings, and not wanting to be a soldier, and Cas is Anna.

Were they intending to kill Anna off at the end of this season anyway, before giving her plot to Cas? Why did they switch them, chemistry and acting? Because it might’ve been better writing to keep Anna. But then again, where could she grow from there? She already wanted to have feelings and not be a soldier. [I don’t think it would’ve been better writing. Because Cas pulled Dean out of hell. Anna didn’t do that. In 4x01 they have this instant intimacy, this understanding of each other.] True, but it just makes them angrier that they don’t fuck. Let them kiss. Ruby and Sam have this level of intimacy (which we think is weird and gross), so Dean and Cas having that would be a better parallel. They wasted this opportunity. [Destiel is referred to as two things 1) the last great American queerbait, 2) the greatest love story never told. And you can see why.]

Star student: Kai kinda nailed this one.

#supernatural #4x21 #spn 4x21 #when the levee breaks #class notes

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ahiddenpath · 11 months ago

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Life Update

Just checking in.

It's been going... mixed, lately? Nothing terrible, but I have a lot on my mind. I feel in flux, like I'm at an indiscernible turning point and need to make a huge decision.

Work and Life Choices

My work stress levels are on the high end, recently. I'm bringing a new assay to the company, and that's been difficult because... I can't ask anyone for help. No one has the knowledge, lol! My first trial run was a huge success, and I'm a bit blown away. Basically, work keeps asking me to do novel stuff with little support, and I just... Keep?? Delivering???? And I realize this sounds braggy, but like- No one is more surprised than I am, believe me.

Meanwhile, I was asked to help with selecting a lead candidate for a project, which is totally new to me and was always the responsibility of folks one, two, or more "steps" above me in the company hierarchy. I've never been given this opportunity, but also... The only reason I made headway is because a senior colleague kindly helped me. HOWEVER, my manager asked me to meet with him before showing my plan to the project co-lead, since I'm new to this. AND THEN HE PEACED OUT TO A CONFERENCE FOR A WEEK AND LEFT TWO DAYS EARLIER THAN EXPECTED. So. That really stressed me out! I still don't really know how to handle it, but you can only maintain that level of stress for so long. You eventually enter the universe of, "I cannot be fucked. I am unfuckable."

Although as an asexual bean lol-

The good news is that it really benefits me to gain this knowledge- it's within my wheelhouse, but it's always been considered above my pay grade until now. Contrast this with bringing new technologies to the company and working with new formats. Folks keep asking me how to use the machine that can purify mAbs (basically the most... simple/common antibody format used in biotech), and I keep telling them... I've never been assigned mAb work, so I have no idea. I'm over here working with VHH and IgA and weird multispecifics exclusively.

I got another email on Friday where my boss assigned me more novel stuff I've never done. I can't exactly argue when he's in a conference, but... I am... Unsure... How I can get all of this done, lmao???

On the other hand, I dove into my work benefits to figure something out, and I realized that... Um, my total compensation package is... Well, it's a lot better than anything I've had before, in terms of money. It's... Uh, it's a mixed feeling. Obviously, it's great to be paid better than I ever have been. But it also makes me feel more locked into this career and this place, because... It's finally "paying off." My husband and I have been talking about starting a family, but I told him that I don't see myself having children in a household with two working parents and no support.

This is deeply personal, and obviously income plays a role, too. Many American families cannot afford two working parents, because daycare costs more than one or both parents' salaries. In our case, I make less than my husband, but after taxes and contributing to retirement, daycare would cost about 45% of my remaining take home.

However.

On Friday, I asked a colleague who I just met how she was doing. She had dark bags under her eyes- the kind of thing written about in novels, but rarely seen in real life. And she replied, "Well, I haven't been able to stop working long enough to eat for a few days. I came home and my children were needy and we have a new puppy who was wrecking things and I just went in my room and shut the door and sobbed."

That was a bit intense for a first ever "how are you," but regardless... This is so many women I know, including my mother. I absolutely have seen involved and loving husbands/fathers, but I've seen more who work and then vanish into the mancave the rest of the time. I have a teammate who purposefully works from 1-7 PM to avoid his kids and inlaws, leaving childcare, food, and housework to his wife (and frankly, he made me do his work for half a year until I cracked and told my boss to remove me from working closely with him). My husband is a gem who frankly takes care of me more than I take care of him, so I don't have to fear this, but...

Well, we don't have support. It would be us vs the world with a baby, and my country offers nothing to help families out. And, as we all know, the costs needed to live (housing, healthcare, education, food) are drastically rising.

I really do not know what the next steps in my life are, and I'm already at the point of "geriatric" pregnancy (mid thirties). Do I keep up with this challenging, interesting career that pays well, but is incredibly stressful? Do I have a child and give up the career? Do I try to do it all (two parents who work full time and a kid)? Will I end up like my colleague if I do that? Will giving up my job make me feel unfulfilled? Will the loss of income wreck me someday?

Stress, Creating, Self Care

So, like... I've been stressed, as you might notice. My ear started ringing, with varying intensity and pitch, so I couldn't sleep on Thursday night. Thankfully, it stopped after about 24-32 hours, because I was losing my mind! The internet listed stress as a cause, and... Yeah, I'm thinking it's that.

On top of this, my husband was away for work from Wednesday to Saturday, so I ran the house by myself and was on my own. I was slammed last week and did not have any mental juice to spare.

I haven't done much creatively in February. I can't get my brain to do it, but I'm also not really trying? Usually, when I'm not creating, Bad Things are happening. I'm not sure if I'm there or not, or if I just have other things going on right now? I am getting the sense that I need to do more for myself. I'm not... Sure... What that is, though.

I'm thinking exercise. I gained weight over the pandemic, and lately I feel physically and mentally lethargic. So... Eating better and exercise are probably what I should focus on right now?

I can never seem to keep the mental health, physical health, work, relationships, and chore balls in the air. I tend to drop the physical health ball most readily, which goes about as well as you'd imagine.

I'm hoping to figure out what fun stuff my husband and I might do this year. I need something to look forward to, because it's been so easy (tempting, even?) to feel overwhelmed by all the scary and uncertain things.

I have not been creating, and I have not been online much. Apologies for that. It's one of those "my cup is empty" periods, but I'm not in trouble. I'm just sort of... Looking at the empty cup and going, "Hmm. I should fill this, but, uh... How?" And also, "What kind of cup do I want in the future?"

I truly hope you're all taking care and holding on and finding ways to flourish. It's hard, man. I'm wishing you wellness, kindness, love, growth, support, and well-being. Thanks for caring about me <3

Love,

Hidden

#hidden's life

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atopearth · 3 years ago

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Nightshade Part 3 - Hattori Hanzo Route

It seems like lots of people like Hanzo's route so I hope I'll enjoy it too~ Hanzo is nice and blunt, I like that. Although I agree with Hanzo that shinobi need to mostly rely on themselves, I believe it's important to trust others as well. They won't always do missions by themselves, and by knowing what they can handle and what you can leave each one to do, it'll make things so much more efficient. But I guess considering how experienced he is, it's not something he can easily accept when he's probably been forced to go through life and death by himself with no one to rely on. At least he needs to protect her from the other shinobi going after her, so I guess Enju's way of life might make him rethink some things~

Lmao at Hanzo tying her up to make her sleep, he's really rough😅 I'm not surprised he knocked her out though, he'd have to do that because she would never leave Gekkamaru by himself without knowing if he's really okay or not. I was wondering why Enju seemed to be apologising to Hanzo so much, but I guess it's because he's like someone older and like a "guide" to her so he reminds her of her father, and since her father always thought of her as an incompetent shinobi, she keeps thinking that because she can't always keep up with Hanzo, it means she's too weak and useless, when I wonder if there are many people who can actually keep up with him. I'm glad he told her to only apologise when needed, and should fix it if it's become a habit, because personally, it's something I've been trying to fix too because I'm the exact same😭 Anyway, I'm really glad Hanzo reassures Enju that she isn't incompetent by telling her stuff like they're on schedule and that she's doing better than he expected, he's not outwardly praising her but he is telling her that she doesn't need to think she's a burden. I like how they address in this route the impact of Enju killing someone for the first time. It was so natural for her to hesitate even though she created her own opening to kill the ninja after her life, but Hanzo's commanding voice telling her to not hesitate really shook me even though it was to be expected. She thought she had the determination to protect herself but lacked the resolve when it actually came to killing, and that's understandable since everyone has always protected her from that pain and guilt of taking another person's life. Anyway, interesting to know that Kagari (Enju's mother) committed suicide, and that she was more of a herbalist than a shinobi that went out on missions. Otherwise, Hanzo saying he doesn't have a particular reason to live and is only alive because he is, really resonates with me, maybe because I feel that way alot😅

It's really nice to see Hanzo training Enju, and she's really seeing the fruits of her efforts, but at the same time it's hurting her because the better she is, the more people she thinks she is hurting since she sees it as these shinobi (that are chasing them) are dead because of her. She's not wrong, but it's not like she's right, since shinobi are usually prepared to die on their missions, and if they didn't die, she would be dead. Hanzo hugging her from behind and keeping her warm was surprising lol! I knew it would lead to it somehow since it's the classic wet clothes, in underwear, needing warmth in a cave thing but the CG and Hanzo's warmth in his words reassuring her that he wouldn't let her die made me feel really warm haha. Too bad that even though he usually knows what she's thinking, he didn't realise that what she feared more than herself dying was actually the thought of him dying. I like how Goemon left as fast as he came, really there just to make Hanzo realise that he had begun to trust Enju and that even he could lose his cool when it came to her. I'm surprised Hanzo let down his guard at all considering the mission hasn't really "ended". Anyway, even though I like how much Hanzo is softening up to Enju, I can't help but think he sees a bit of her mother in her, like he felt like he couldn't protect Kagari so he would like to protect her kinda thing?

I'm surprised Kando is making 4 teams + Chojiro and them to go kill Enju, like wow, what if they all die, is there anyone left in the village that can fight?🤣 Even Kando himself?! Must be lots of money rolling in~ Anyway, now that Koga is participating as well, Hanzo really shouldn't let his guard down haha! On the other hand, Chojiro is very kind to say that Kyara and them don't need to do it, he'll be the one to kill Enju so they don't need to do it. How saddening...that Kagari asked Hanzo to take her away when she was pregnant with Enju... I wonder if Hanzo closes his heart off even more because his refusal eventually "led" to Kagari taking her own life. It was so sweet to see Hanzo not kill the Koga ninjas because he instinctively knew it would hurt her so he hesitated. It's hard to see Hanzo injure himself trying his best to not hurt the people important to Enju. I knew Kando was despicable but to think that he instigated the Tensho Iga War, took the rest of the Iga ninjas, and manipulated them with Kagari and the existence of Enju. I feel so terrible for Kagari, she was forced to make forbidden medicine and bear a child with this terrible guy. It's good to know that she didn't actually commit suicide, but still saddening that she failed to kill Kando and was killed by him instead. Well, Kando's death came wayyyy too easily considering how evil he is lol. I'm actually disappointed.

At least by knowing the real reason for Kagari's death, Enju finally knows that her mother really did love her, and it was her father who was the one who never treated anyone like a human. It was so sweet how just like Hanzo did for her, Enju didn't kill the Tokugawa shinobi they had to fight with, she's so strong and kind, it's hard for Hanzo to not like her! Hahaha. Honestly, Kazaori (guy under Hanzo) probably made up those orders to get rid of Hanzo, but I guess it doesn't really matter because Hanzo believes that he's betrayed his master for her, and really, the fact that he was willing to go against his master's orders to protect her really makes me happy because he made this judgement for himself. I'm sure Ieyasu would be happy, because he's always wanted Hanzo to give his opinion on things rather than just follow orders, so I'm sure he would appreciate this change instead lol. Omggg Hanzo and Enju blushing, and kissing each other again and again is so cuteee. Ooh okay, so Ieyasu does want proof that Enju is dead to be the guardian~ I guess when everyone is out of the game, a sash drenched in blood is okay? Lol. They definitely needed Hanzo to be so wounded that it affects him using a blade now to make it "understandable" for him to leave Ieyasu and I think that's all right. Hanzo has been living as a shinobi for a long time, but it's about time he lived for himself especially since he's not as "strong" as he used to be. I really love how they're both living together in the hidden village (where past shinobi from Iga decided to quit the way of life as a ninja and just settle down) because I think it really suits them to live in a place like that peacefully without needing to kill anymore. I'm so happy for them~ The bad ending was pretty sad. Enju accepting Hanzo's will to commit suicide for "betraying" his mission and his master and killing him herself was sad... It was natural that she would follow him after that, and I guess the only nice thing about it is that they got to be together in death.

Overall, I liked Hanzo. I think Hanzo's route was what I wanted Chojiro's route to be like tbh, especially since Chojiro exhibited so many qualities of wanting Enju to better herself etc, and considering he was the Iga leader's son, I also wanted him to be the one to find out stuff like Kanda being the "evil" guy who destroyed their village, I just feel like there was so much potential background to his story but they decided to make Chojiro and Hanzo's be pretty similar in focus with how a shinobi must live and die for their mission and have no feelings for anything else, and yet just make Chojiro's route pretty bland. Anyway, I enjoyed how Hanzo and Enju bonded by training together, teaching other different things and learning about each other's lives and feelings. I enjoyed seeing how well they worked together in fights and how much Hanzo began to cherish her. Imo, it was still kinda awkward, but I definitely prefer their romance development compared to Goemon and Chojiro in their respective routes lol, I also enjoyed this ending more because it really felt like they had to fight off a lot of their burdens and pain in order to reach the happy ending of a normal person rather than as a shinobi, and I think that was sweet to see.

#nightshade #hyakka hyakurou

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ezrisdax-archive · 4 years ago

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mass effect and unsleeping city for the meme!

Give me a fandom and I’ll tell you:

mass effect:

My favorite parent-child relationship: hang which parent isn’t terrible in mass effect. does andromeda count?? because Drack is best parent. uhhh if we’re just going original trilogy which I assume so then Spacer!Shep and their mom who you can call twice and get an email from (scolding you for not telling them you were alive lol) and I just thought those were really sweet moments.

My favorite sibling relationship: Miranda and Oriana, I loved that loyalty mission and the little emails you get with them and then in ME3 how Miranda is looking for her and how much they came to care about each other. (if this was Andromeda...Vetra and her sis tied with the Ryder twins, Andromeda did family a lot and I liked that)

My favorite family relationship (other): Ashley and her sisters, which I know you only get to see one of them in ME3 but it’s so clear how much she cares about them and is trying to look out for them

My favorite friendship between two people: Wrex and Tali, you know why

My favorite friendship between a group: just the crew in general, especially in ME3 when it’s all built up and then the citadel DLC just cements it so well

My favorite mentorship: Anderson and Shep, hands down

My favorite rivalry: Jack and Miranda

My favorite hatred/antipathy: Everyone in ME3 hating Kai Leng, even Javik hates that dude more than the reapers in that one conversation, it’s just very funny

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon: hm, I just think it’s a shame in ME2 how the crew doesn’t have conversations so like I never got to see the interaction between Jack and Thane for instance or Legion and Miranda let’s say. and because those two never make it to the Citadel DLC then I really never get interactions for them anyone else much and I think that’s too bad. I wanted more of the ME2 crew talking.

unsleeping city

My favorite parent-child relationship: Iga and her kids are really sweet, god guys please save Iga

My favorite sibling relationship: do any of them have siblings? I’m blanking on that but I guess uh, Wally and his brother, they were fun in season one

My favorite family relationship (other): Kingston’s family in general, I just think they’re neat

My favorite friendship between two people: Kingston and Pete, I love how much they’ve grown into their roles side by side now and just hang out to talk about protecting the city in different ways. also this season Pete and Sophia is very good.

My favorite friendship between a group: the team up of Ricky, Pete, Cody, and Sophia. absolute fucking disasters.

My favorite mentorship: Pete and Cody this season, cause I guess technically that counts lmao

My favorite rivalry: there’s no real huge one that stands out to me for it

My favorite hatred/antipathy: everyone vs true clowns, lmao no that’s not like a full hatred or anything uhhh I can’t think of one

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon: I mean now that Rowan’s met Cody I can cross that off and even Kug’s met the new people so that doesn’t work, see the problem is everyone’s like at least shown up and met other people. I guess Iga and Rowan is the only option left here. let Siobhan just talk to herself.

#organasoloskywalker #replies in thirty minutes or its free

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coppercrane2 · 5 years ago

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Hiya! Curious about 12, 13 and 17 of the Behind the scenes fic ask :)

You sent a message with a few others (thank you so much!!) so I’ll do those here, too!

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

Quiet and alone, with no work stress. And access to wifi. Also, there needs to be tea somewhere. XD

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

There are so many, but ‘there was only one bed’ is probably the one I’m most keen on at the moment. I am also the biggest fan of enemies to lovers, and one of the couple being a super-intense badass and the other one being a ray of sunshine... which might explain a few things, really...

13. Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Incest. Because... why???

15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

That’s a toss up between the Shakespeare fic I’m working on (purely because I would die fo the costume porn, especially the ones drawn by elianthos) and either the R/J SilMil fic I’m working on or the Viking AU I mentioned (the former because I would love to see R/J slumming it in a Jovian jungle temple, and the latter because there would be *vikings*).

17. What fic are you most proud of?

I would say ‘The Other Princess Bride’. Because it’s actually complete.

Having said that, the one I’m most proud of currently is my Viking AU - although I am still working on that...

22. Have you cried while writing a fic?

From despair because I’d written myself into a corner? Because I didn’t know where I was going with it? Because even after all this time, it’s still not finished? Uh... no... definitely not.

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

Oh no... why would you ask that???? Now you’ll have to wallow through all my nonsense!

1. A Shakespeare fic which started out as a crack ficlet where I was supposed to use Italian fashion houses for actual houses, has turned into a massive fic incorporating as many Shakespearean plots as I can shove in there.

2. Cursed - where the inner senshi and shitennou are cursed beings who keep avoiding the lifting the curse of the sleeping kingdom because they’re just not ready.

3. Nainowale Ne - SilMil, Rei’s on a temple retreat on a Jovian moon, Jadeite is accidentally portaled there. They’re both stuck on this isolated, romantic location - and they fall in love. There’s also a sequel to this, which is plotted out, too.

4. Ottoman Fic - Ottoman AU where Jadeite is a Janissary. Endy is the Sultan, Rei is the sultan’s sister and Kunzite is the sultan’s vizier. Jadeite probably won’t survive this one but at least he’ll die heroically. This idea is all @apsaraqueen’s fault. I think she should write it instead.

5. A Vampire Apology - A comedy M/K vampire fic I wrote waaaay back for the shitennou ficathon, it’s much longer now, but I’m still trying to get over some seriously pesky issues, but it’s getting there!

6. Basilisk - Basically SM characters in the Iga/Kouga, Romeo/Juliet, war of ninja tribes tragedy thing. I’ve had this baby plotted out for years, but I’m still not 100% happy. Everyone will die in this one. I mean, of course they will, it’s a Basilisk AU...

7. The Crys-T Series - A continuation of ‘An Evening’, ‘Trauma’ and ‘American Honey’ I have another 5 or 6 one shots planned, including explaining the affair Ami and Jadeite had, as well as the group gradually healing over time.

8. The Cold Path - written for a ficathon, but it never saw the light of day, it’s a canon-divergent fic where a teen Endymion is caught about to abandon earth for his moon lover and Kunzite kills him in an attempt to stop him. It’s supposed to end with Kunzite becoming king in order to prevent Elysium from devolving into all out war. It’s nowhere near complete.

9. Hooligans.

10. A sister fic to the Viking AU, focussing on Ami and how she got from Japan to Denmark. It would involve her being sold as a slave and kind of making her way into freedom while on the way learning about the ancient world she’s travelling across.

11. Serenity - A Firefly AU (which I started and plotted but never got past the first chapter). It’s basically the Out of Gas episode but with Serenity being Endymion’s permanently comatosed wife on board the ship, and the found-family members of the ship talking to her about their problems and how they ended up on the ship named Serenity.

12. Hush - A 1950s noir detective story where Rei’s sister, Beryl, is murdered and Jadeite & Nephrite hunt for the murderer. Makoto’s a madame, Kunzite’s a slightly unstable enforcer, Mina’s an aspiring actress and Zoisite’s a detective in Vice.

13. Wrestler - having recently discovered that women’s pro-wrestling is a thing in Japan, I would love to write a fic of a slightly canon-divergent Makoto. While looking for a job after high school, she watches a wrestling show with Usagi and decides to try out for it, getting the job. The fic would not focus a huge amount on the wrestling itself, but would look at how she grows from a teen to a young adult to middle age, how she copes with her life as well as being a Senshi, how she meets Nephrite and finally opens that flower tea shop she’s always wanted.

14. LAST ONE I PROMISE I AM SO SORRY I’M SPAMMING YOU WITH ALL MY TERRIBLE FIC IDEAS, BUT YOU DID ASK, SO... REALLY, THIS IS YOUR FAULT, LYRHIA. - basically a fav headcanon of mine is that after the Serenity/Endymion suicide in the SilMil, the war between the SM and the Youma continued for another two decades (until Selene releases the crystal’s power). The fic would be about that part of the war and how it eventually comes to an end, focussing on the Senshi and Shitennou sort of ruling and trying to save those left behind in their crumbling civilisations, while also still kind of fighting each other, and trying to deal with the fact that they’ve failed in their divine purpose (protecting S&E).

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saizoswifey · 5 years ago

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you don’t have to answer this if you’re too busy, but i’d love to know what your best boys (saizo, johan, kyle, kiro, etc.) have in common and what you love about them 👀💗

Okay I know I already told you but I love this ask sooo much lol. Thank you!!!!! It really made me think a ton. Which I LOVE.

To start off, I’m going to have to begin with BEST BAE JOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!!!! LOVE OF MY LIFE!! Because he is quite frankly the most complex.

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“And I saw a beast rising out of the sea, having ten horns and seven heads; and on its horns were ten diadems, and on its heads were blasphemous names… And the dragon gave it his power and his throne and great authority… They worshipped the dragon, for he had given his authority to the beast, saying ‘who is like the beast, and who can fight against it?' “

There are so many layers to Naoki Urasawa’s Monster and Johan as a character that I honestly would need to go off on it entirely on its own, and I would STILL have a tough time touching on everything I love.

Johan Liebert is a typical type of character I go for. He is probably THE top favorite character I have ever come across in media when it comes to Evil and Complexity. And he actually has a bit in common with Saizo.

What I love about Johan is the tragedy of what he became. You can truly look back on his past and see all of the factors that led him to become the way he is; a man with extreme intellect, cunning, the incredible ability to charm everyone he meets. A true genius. But also, someone who can manipulate people, even children, even ORPHANS to suicide or murder. Someone who murders and doesn’t think twice. What could he have been had the path lay different for him? Or, perhaps, was he always destined to live with this Monster inside of him, considering he was born out of a Eugenics experiment, to begin with? That’s what I love so much about him and this series.

It’s so focused on a few key things. Among those are our choices in life and how they can easily stack up to eventually become the mountain of solitude we stand on, the struggle with identity, mainly: NAMES.

Lastly, another important aspect to the series is the playful way it dips in and out of reality.

What I mean by that is, Johan really has this fictional quality to him. That’s another reason I love him SO MUCH. We often hear even Inspector Lunge question whether or not Johan is an actual person. Johan is like a character in a fairytale, which fits well with the fairytale we have in the actual story. Even Johan’s name seems like an illusion of the mind.

Tenma: Stop it, Johan! I know you! I was your doctor nine years ago. Don’t add any more crimes to your list!

Johan: Heh… heh heh heh… 'Johan’… There was a time when I went by that name. But it’s not my real name.

You honestly come to doubt at a point whether or not Johan is a real person, and that’s EXACTLY what he wants. Johan, in a sense, is nothingness. So fictional at times that some characters even said he was a real-life vampire.

I think I have something in me that draws me to suicidal characters or characters with no sense of self-preservation but Johan is no exception. Feeling abandoned by his mother and alone,

and being used and abused and brainwashed, being groomed into the next Hitler and then moving from place to place, he emulated The Monster in the picture book. He moved from family to family trying to take on their names and become what they wanted but in the end, he killed them. The monster inside of him broke free.

Johan captivates me because he is so enigmatic, seemingly everywhere and nowhere at once. He never had a sense of self, and that’s what makes him so horrifying, enough that he makes even average serial killers look less terrifying. Because at least they have methods to their madness, yet Johan kills pretty coldly and without any motivation. He tried to orchestrate what would be his “perfect suicide” after murdering the Liebert’s but when Nina failed to kill him and Tenma saved him he turned to, like, plan B. Just like how he, as a child, manipulated the weak points in the orphans and staff, orchestrating what would have them all turn and kill each other, he would try to do the same in the world. He doesn’t work with a set of principals aside from chaos.

All of his life it had been hammered into him that life was about being on top, the best. You either succeed and come out on top or lose. His sister being chosen over him, and the experiments at 511 kinderheim. How many children did they go through and toss aside like garbage before Johan? Even the eugenics experiment that was a series of chosen “perfect specimens” to create the next world leader, bringing about his birth. It’s always survival of the fittest to Johan. He had to come out on top. So in his loneliness and strife for being left the only one standing, fulfilling what he was born to do, he decided to throw the world into chaos and let them all devour each other to show his superiority and also to get revenge for bringing him into this world yet leaving him alone and with nothing, not even a name.

When he stumbled upon the book in the library it triggered him and changed his thought process a bit, though. He was reminded of his childhood again, and the perfect suicide. I think around here is when he began to play with the idea of letting Tenma kill him once he got rid of everyone who knew who he was. He could then disappear like he never existed. So he could evaporate into his complete loneliness like the monster in the book. And I love how expertly manipulative he is, using the people from his childhood and everyone he can in order to help him achieve this goal. They think they’re going to be immortalized or help rule the world next to Johan. They think they’re the power players but never come to see they’re simply pawns until Johan eventually kills them.

I love extremely intelligent and charming characters. I love evil characters. And I mostly love characters who are evil for chaos’ sake. Characters who do terrible shit with no rhyme or reason why. Bonus points if they have that ONE PERSON who they are attached to and would never harm. Johan hits all of these for me and I instantly fell in love.

I like the parallels between 511 Kinderheim and Iga. Both Saizo and Johan are lonely, both ending up in a place where they are brainwashed and abused and taught to rid themselves of all emotion and human attachment in order to become the ultimate weapon/specimen. I also see a lot of parallels between Johan/Nina and Saizo/Hotaru.

Both Saizo and Johan are tragic characters, both suicidal but for different reasons. Both of them grapple with their own duality and their sense of self. They really don’t know who they are at the core, and both feel as if they’re just tools living in the shadows and one day they’ll disappear into nothing and no one will care.

They are also both incredibly charming and good looking, able to get away with so much and slip into any circle due to their high level of intelligence and cunning. They’re both characters that have done some lifechanging GOOD for people, but have also done terrible things on the other end of the spectrum. The dynamic in both is vast, and that’s something I love. Because humans are not ornately ‘good’ or ‘evil’ but a mix of both. It makes them great characters.

Genya also has a lot of these same points in common with Johan. And even more so because he has a twin just like Johan. A twin who was weaker than him that he felt the need to protect, a twin that he felt was his other half. Just like Johan.

Almost all of the characters in my top boys have either high intelligence or a tragic/traumatic past. Sometimes both. Mugen, Levi, Johan, Saizo, etc. they all have this in common. I also love characters with self-destructive tendencies. Bonus if it’s a coping mechanism lol.

I like characters that have pain in their past and could either go dark or light because of their trauma. I tend to go for the characters who end up going down the dark path like Johan but I also don’t mind the ones that end up going on the light path like Saizo, Levi, Mugen, Kyle, and Genya. Kyle has intense trauma and could have easily turned to anger and hatred but he chose to forgive and live and save people. He’s still a dumpster fire sometimes with his drinking to cope with his pain and memory but he’s a good man.

I think Kiro has more in common with Kyle than anyone else in my favorites. They both have trauma in their pasts and they mask it with smiles. Both are kind of brick-headed when it comes to love and err on the side of taking things slow and supporting each other without looking for much in return and I like that about them. I like that they both offer tons of support to MC and encourage her to be the best she can be, and they enjoy just being around her without needing anything else. They are good friends first, and the rest develops really naturally.

Overall, if a character is:

cocky as fuck

shady as fuck

evil

murdery

chaotic

pained by the ghosts of their past lol

god mode at sOMETHING

GENIUS

hate everyone but that One Special Dumbass they will protect at all costs

stoic

at war with whether to be evil or good

take things extremely slow with their MC/SO and come at them from a level playing field of respect

chances are I’m in love with them hahaha.

Thank you for this!!! Sorry its Johan loving hours here 24/7 so most of this was just me yelling about him but whvedhjwv I hope this did an okay job answering you!!!!!!!!!

#naoki urasawas monster #johan liebert #slbp #samurai love ballad party #about me #little lady speaks #THIS IS MY FAV ASK EVER HRBFEHBF #flatsuke

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tentoriwrites · 6 years ago

Text

A Cold December

This was supposed to be done for Pride Month but I came up short on writing a coherent middle. So here we are a week late and several dollars short! XD THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE FOR PRIDE MONTH FOR A REASON! THIS IS YOUR NON-SPOILER WARNING.

A ninja’s life is dark and cold. Especially when your best friend is out to kill you. But our ninja MC may have found love despite it all. The question is, does it lie with her past, the brilliant future, or some hazy twilight in between.

***Choose your own ending epilogues coming soon***

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

“I know.”

“One day...” The words died on his lips.

“I know.”

“If you know then why do you keep coming here? I could kill you any day.”

“Because I want you to know when that day comes, I will have no regrets. If my life is to end, I want it to be at your hands, Saku.”

He gave her a blistering kiss so hot it seemed to turn the falling snow to rain around them. Then with far too much force, he shoved her away. She landed on her bottom in the deep snow. A stare even colder than the December wind sent a shiver down her spine.

“You are cruel, you know that?” This voice was not of the boy she once knew.

“What… do you mean?”

“How could you possibly ask me to do such a thing?” He gripped the handle of a kunai and his fingers turned the color of the driven snow. “Leave this place and never come back.”

“Sa…ku?” The kunai embedded itself just inches from her hand.

“Next time I see you, I’ll kill you for sure.” The winds kicked up throwing loose snow everywhere. In that flurry, Sakuya disappeared.

She dug her fingers through the snow to the foliage sleeping underneath. This was no longer the meadow of clover from her childhood. Gone was the warmth of all the fond memories. It had all been replaced by the cold, harshness of winter. The snow packed into a tight mass in her fist as she tried to fight back tears.

“Why did it have to come to this?” Clutching the kunai to her chest she fell back and stared at the sky. It would be easier this way, wouldn’t it? Sakuya wouldn’t have to kill her if she was already dead, right? The position of the Mitsuba was already secured with the Takeda and Lord Shingen was on the mend. Kansuke could take it from here. The absolute rejection from Sakuya had been the last straw. She no longer served any purpose to anyone. With her vision already gray it was easy to let go and slip into the easy numbness of death.

“We really are just a little bit dumb, aren’t we?”

She could no longer open her eyes, but her mind registered the words. She felt suddenly warm. A fuzzy memory came to the fore that people about to die from cold often hallucinated or felt suddenly warm just before death. Still, she couldn’t help the self-deprecating smile and reply.

“Intelligence is just one of many things I lack.”

“It’s no fun teasing you if you agree.”

Despite the numbness of her limbs she could feel pressure. She was being carried. The Master Assassin of Iga, the one she had been so sure would take her life when she first went to the Takeda, had saved her.

“We should be enemies you know.”

“I was never particularly interested in politics.” In other words, he never saw her as an enemy because they were from different villages in Iga.

“You had no reason to be here.”

“You should save your strength if you want to live.”

“If I wanted to live do you think I would have been taking a nap on the snow?” She heard Saizo laugh, felt the rumble in his chest.

“You are just a bit selfish to go with that stupid too.” He gave her a little shake. “No falling asleep now.”

Her mind and body were in no mood for following orders. “Where are we going?”

“Someone’s waiting for the little shadow back at the palace.”

“Ahhh…” That is the last thing she remembered.

The next thing she remembered was warmth. A warmth that could not be mistaken as a hallucination. Though heaviness still weighed down her body, her mind was alert. As she pried her eyes open, she realized the heaviness of her limbs wasn’t due to her own state of affairs. Someone had fallen asleep on top of her! Her weak fingers twined around silken locks of hair and her nose caught a familiar scent. Suddenly, the person snapped up.

“You’re awake! I’m so sorry! I fell asleep on you while you were in such a weak state!” Their frantic state soon cooled to one of sheer joy. Happy tears falling down their cheeks as they smiled an ugly smile. “I was so worried about you when Saizo brought you back unconscious! Why… Why didn’t you tell us you were a ninja too? We could have prepared for things like this if you had!” There was no accusation in their voice, just deep regret and worry. A hurt she knew so well.

“I… I didn’t…” She struggled to find the words when a hand took hers.

“No, no. I’m sorry. There are things Saizo, Kansuke, and Master Sasuke don’t talk about either.”

Something about that understanding made the floodgate holding back her emotions swing wide open. Everything that had been bottled up inside flooded out in ugly sobs and tears.

“Ah! It must have been so hard having to be out there alone like that!” Warm hands wrapped around her and hefted her up into a hug. Wrapped in that comfort she buried her face in their chest. “You cry as long as you need to cry. You don’t have to be strong all the time you know! And you certainly aren’t alone! Please rely on us when you need us!”

A shadow at the doorway caught her eye. A faintly smiling Saizo? She blinked a few times in disbelief and he was gone. This is what he meant when he said she was selfish… Sakuya wasn’t the only one who cared about her. There were others who cared if she lived or died it would seem. But still… it didn’t change the fact that she no longer had a purpose…

“Here’s some food! It’s a nice mild porridge!”

She stared down at the steaming bowl full of delectable looking morsels. As soon as she tried to lift the spoon though it immediately slipped through her fingers. There was no strength to be had in them and very little feeling. She tried to flex her hand into a fist but barely got them closed at all.

“You must be terribly weak still! Here let me help you!” She looked up just in time for a spoon full of porridge to appear.

“This… is a little embarrassing don’t you think?” Shyness took her as she looked at the spoon.

“Well I suppose it could be… But don’t you think it’s more important to get some food in you?”

After a long pause, she nodded.

This became the routine for the next several days. The same castle maid would come to feed her and help her get dressed. It was a pleasant sort of routine. And a very welcome change from only having Kaede as a friend. Particularly doing typically feminine things she wouldn’t think to do otherwise. Having her hair brushed and braided, eating sweets and idly chatting. It was a pleasant feeling that almost made her forget the reality of her life as a ninja.

Almost…

There was a frantic knock on her door one day. She heard deep voice before her friend called to her. “Can I come in?” It was clear she was hiding her distress.

“Of course.” The door slid open slowly and the maid shuffled inside. She fidgeted at the hem of her sleeves and glanced around. “Is something wrong?”

“It may be nothing but Master Sasuke told me to come sit with you and not leave until Little Sasuke came for me.” She looked back at the door. “He said everything was fine, but this is a bit odd, don’t you think?”

“I have a feeling I know why…” The ninja let out a long sigh. “I’m a fugitive ninja.”

“A what?” The maid didn’t seem to fully process the statement and it’s full ramifications.

“My whole clan defected from Iga. You don’t just quit being a ninja. Now they’re hunting us down. My very presence here was a huge risk for Lord Shingen to take on.” There was no small measure of regret in her voice as she slumped down. Her eyes sank to the floor. “If there’s a hunter here, anyone that gets in their way could be in danger. Even you.”

“Well I suppose that’s a risk Lord Shingen was willing to take. And so am I.” The maid shuffled closer and rested her hands on the ninja’s. When the ninja looked up the gaze looking back at was a powerful one. It seemed to be trying to convey something to her where words were not sufficient. Yet, she couldn’t quite grasp the meaning. “You’re never going to be a lone again. No matter how many hunters come for you, I’m going to be right here with you.” The ninja was at a loss for words. No one outside of the children of the night had expressed such solidarity with her before.

“Thank… thank you…” It was not nearly enough to express the deep gratitude and warmth swelling inside her chest. It would have to do for now.

After a week or so, she was finally able to get herself ready and get out into the world on her own.

“Are you sure you should be up so soon?!” A worried exclamation drew her attention down the hall.

“There is still some weakness, but I feel much better now.”

Relief washed over the maid’s features, shoulders visibly sinking. “Would you like to take your meal in your room one last time?”

“I would, thank you. But I think I can feed myself now!” Though she was just teasing the maid turned a bit pink.

“Of course! I couldn’t help but notice your hands still seemed a bit weak yesterday. Will you need some help with your medicine making later?” She had never fathomed anyone but Kansuke ever working with her in medicine making.

“That would be a huge help, but don’t you have your own responsibilities?”

“Things have been pretty quiet around here since many of the retainers went back to their homes for the winter.” She took the breakfast tray into the ninja’s room as she replied.

“Oh… I suppose the makes sense. Well then, I would impose upon you for your assistance then.” She stopped and felt a bit uneasy. “But you’ve already done so much for me. I don’t know how to repay you as it is…”

“Just knowing you’re alive and well is enough for me!” It was an awkward exclamation followed by a hasty retreat.

“What was that all about?”

“Ah ha ha ha! You’re quite good at this in no time at all!”

“You should see all the beans I have to mash for Saizo’s dango!”

“He does eat a lot of dango, doesn’t he?”

“Speaking of dango…” A voice from the doorway drew their collective attention. “Isn’t the little lady forgetting something?”

“You already had your dango for the day!” The maid exclaimed a bit exasperated.

“I do believe the deal was as many as I wanted all winter.” He smiled coyly at the maid which seemed to make her whither.

“That was the deal.” She looked to her friend apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ll be back soon though!”

The ninja followed the maid’s form as she left the room. “What deal is she talking about?” She eyed Saizo with suspicion, though she couldn’t quite tell what reason she had to be suspicious of him.

He just shrugged. “Maybe you should ask her.”

She didn’t like his evasive answer and his sudden kindness in saving her life still troubled her. He had been ambivalent towards her at best up to that point. She decided to ask her maid friend when she got back. Except her mind went elsewhere. Went to her hands and how hard it was to grip the mortar and pestle to grind the herbs. If she couldn’t even do this much, what point was there? She was just useless all over again. Tears pooled at the corners of her eyes from pain and frustration when another pair of hands folded over hers.

“Maybe it was a bit much to expect you to be able to do so much so soon.” She looked up to see the maid smiling gently at her, a tray of dango and tea in tow. She pulled the ninja’s hands from the pestle and started to gently rub them. It felt very soothing and incredibly intimate. “Maybe…” The maid’s face lit up with an idea. “I’ll be right back!” She dashed from the room with no further explanation.

“What was that all about?” With no one to answer, the ninja looked down at her hands. She found the absence of warmth and pressure oddly lonely. Don’t ask her why though.

“I have an idea!” The maid sat down triumphantly a piece of wood in hand. “I saw Master Sasuke doing this! You can start out with a larger knife and make larger shapes to train your hands again. As you get stronger and more dexterous you can do smaller and smaller figures and details!”

“That’s… actually not a bad idea… Except I don’t know the first thing about wood carving…”

Undaunted, the chef gestured behind her to one burly Sasuke. “That’s why I asked Master Sasuke to teach us!”

“Us?”

“Oh well you see I thought maybe I could apply the same techniques to food and make pretty presentations for the feasts and special occasions!”

Both ninja burst out laughing. There was something oddly endearing about it all that made the younger ninja feel warm inside all over again. Of course the maid would take it back to food, she always did.

Unfortunately, after that day the maid wasn’t able to spend as much time with her. Something was making it so they could only spend a few hours a day together. As much as the sudden distance bothered the ninja, she couldn’t think of a good way to broach the topic. Or why it was bothering her so much in the first place. She was sulking around the palace when she spotted the elder Sasuke. Maybe he would be more forthcoming than Saizo…

He gave her a serious look when he noticed her expression. “That’s not your usual look. What’s on your mind?��

“I was… well…” She tried to compose her thoughts and he patiently waited. “You wouldn’t happen to know what my maid friend has been so busy with, would you?” She ended up just blurting out the question before she lost her nerve. The whole scene made her more embarrassed than she thought it would.

Sasuke looked momentarily shocked. He started to chuckle when he saw her blush. “Well there are quite a few eligible bachelors around here to keep her busy, isn’t there?”

“That’s what I thought…” The words came out and her body crumpled in disappointment without her even actually thinking about it. It was only when Sasuke loosed a hearty laugh she realized what she actually said. Her cheeks turned a fiery crimson.

“I can’t say I ever expected that from you. But if you’re so curious, she’s been in the kitchens a lot making sweets for Saizo and I.”

“Why?” The explanation did little to ease her heart.

“Didn’t anyone tell you? When you didn’t come back like you were supposed to, she begged Saizo to go find you. He asked what was in it for him, ya know. So, she promised him all he dango he could eat for the whole winter.”

“She’s been making dango almost all day for the past few weeks?” She was even more confused now.

“If you’ve never seen the way Saizo eats dango, you wouldn’t understand. She made a deal with a devil in his own coin.” He clapped her on the shoulder briskly as he walked by.

“You said she was making sweet for you too. For the lessons, isn’t it?”

“I told she didn’t have to but she insisted something this important required payment.” He shrugged and walked off.

“But… why?”

“We are just a little bit dumb, aren’t we?” She huffed when she heard Saizo’s breezy insult float along on the frosty air.

“I suppose that means you know something I don’t?”

“Anything’s possible.” Saizo shrugged as he finally made his presence known.

“And you’re not going to tell me unless I pay up, are you?”

“Nope.”

The response made her fume.

“I will tell you one thing though. You should stop now before it’s too late.” The chill in his voice and mirthless eyes made her shiver involuntarily.

“You can’t save her like this.”

“Save her from what?”

“Your past.”

The words were like a shock of cold water down her back. He was right. She had grown far too complacent in the relative safety of the palace. The fact remained she was still a fugitive ninja. Hunters could come for her at any time and she had to be prepared to defend herself and those she loved. She wasn’t going to be left helpless a second time. Just then everything clicked into place and she gasped.

“Looks like we finally get it.” The painful way Saizo spoke just then made him seem so much closer. So much more human. And she did. She finally understood so many things. Especially her own feelings… and Saku’s.

After that day she dedicated her time to getting strong and regaining her dexterity. She resolved to work just as hard as the one who saved her. If she wasn’t working on medicines, she was training with Sasuke in some way or another. When he was there that is… He wasn’t the most constant trainer.

“You’ve been hard at work lately.” Lord Shingen’s booming voice caught her attention as she trained alone in the garden.

“Oh!” She hastily bowed and tried to make herself more presentable. “Yes, thank you for noticing.”

“Why the sudden change?” He sounded genuinely interested. He folded his arms and waited for her response.

“I think… I think I found something I want to be able to protect. Not because of family ties, or as my job. I want to do it for me.” She answered resolutely as she looked him in the eye.

“Found your own light, eh?” He sounded impressed, a cocksure smile on his face. “I thought as much.”

“I suppose I have.” She smiled back.

“Then let me help you. Your grip is still weak, I know a few exercises to help with that.”

“Really?” She looked utterly shocked.

“You’re a Takeda. That means you’re my responsibility. If there’s something I can do to help you, you just have to ask.” He clapped her on the shoulder. “Besides, it will make things very interesting when Yukmura finds out.”

“Finds… out… what?” She looked at him confused.

“Who your light is.” He gave her a knowing smile and she instantly colored. As if on cue, the maid appeared in the hall carrying a mountain high tray of dango.

“I… um… It’s not really like THAT…”

“Like what exactly?” Shingen gave her another knowing smile as he leaned in close. “Are you implying Sasuke and I are like THAT?”

“UH… well that’s not really any of my business if you were! Oh! Is that Kansuke calling me? GOTTA GO!” She bowed hastily and disappeared as fast as she could.

She managed to bury herself in work in an effort to forget about the embarrassment of that unfortunate event. It was cold again that night and she found herself looking forward to a nice warm meal. That is until a familiar sound chased all other thoughts away. Instead they were replaced with dread. She pushed her door open and sure enough, there was a kunai embedded in the wood beside it. A note dangled from it with a very simple message.

“Tonight we end it where it all began.” If that had been all she would have ignored it. “Come or she dies.” She crumpled the note in a fist so tight her knuckles turned white. She hastily prepared all of her ninja tools and made for the meadow where she, Genya, and Saukya once frequented.

“Where’s the fire?” Sasuke asked trying to stop her, but she evaded his lazy attempt easily. She had a mission, self-appointed though it may have been, and no one was going to stop her. “That ain’t good…” Taking scant moments to change himself, Sasuke followed after her.

She pondered why now, why take her friend like this. As she did, cold wetness hit her cheek. She pushed forward even as one flake became a thousand. Just as the white drowned out her vision, the static of focus drowned out all other thoughts. It didn’t matter the reason. She needed to save her friends. Both of them. Somehow.

She thought she could be strong enough to do what needed to be done. As she followed the trajectory of the kunai in the ground she met his eyes. That’s when she knew this would be far more difficult than she ever could have imagined. The pure white snow falling around them belied the dark past they both shared. One full of death and suffering.

“Why’d you have to bring her into this, Saku? She has nothing to do with this.” She did her best to hide the pain in her voice. To put on a tough, unaffected face. She knew it was folly, he could always see right through her even if she could barely see beneath his surface anymore. Even so, she was willing to gamble she still knew him well enough to get all of them out of this alive.

“I needed a guarantee you’d show up.” He replied tersely as he dug the tip of his kunai into the maid’s throat.

“You know I would show up just for you. Always have, always will.” She gripped her own kunai a little tighter. “Do you know why that is, Saku?”

“You still foolishly cling to the idea that the boy you once knew is still hiding inside me somewhere?” His tone was cold as ice as he spoke, telling her he thought she was wrong.

“You’re childhood friends, aren’t you?” Tears started welling up in the maid’s eyes as she asked. “I… can’t even imagine how hard this must be for both of you.” She swallowed hard to clear the emotional strain from her voice and the kunai bit in just enough to make her bleed. “If Inuchiyo and I were to ever meet as enemies… It’s bad enough I can hardly speak with him anymore because we’re on different sides…”

The ninja didn’t miss Sakuya’s fleeting look of recognition. She pressed the maid for more information, grasping at a thin thread of hope. “Inuchiyo?”

“That’s his childhood name. The people he works with in Owari know him as Maeda Toshiie.”

Sakuya’s expression shifted almost imperceptibly. It was enough to tell the ninja all she needed to know. The maid was safe, and Saku was still in there somewhere. “Sakuya works for the lord of Owari. Maybe he could deliver a message for you.”

The maid’s eyes went large and she started to shake her head but stopped when the kunai bit in again. “It’s too late to say the things I want to say to him. I’m… certain it would only make things more difficult for him.”

“Because you love him?” A tightness pulled at the ninja’s chest.

“Because he loves me.” The maid answered after shaking her head. “I love him but we could never be together. Not anymore. He’s gone to places I could never hope to follow since becoming a samurai.”

“I don’t think he cares about station.” Sakuya finally interjected quietly. His white knuckle grip on his kunai loosened slightly. “He talks about you all the time.”

“She talks about you all the time too. She never said you were a ninja though. I suppose I should have known that though.”

Sakuya gave the other ninja an icy look.

“I’m sorry, Sakuya. For putting you through all this and for not realizing sooner how you felt.” Her stance eased to mirror Sakuya’s. “Do you really think killing me is going to help? Or killing her?”

“It’s my duty as a ninja to kill a fugitive like you. She’s just collateral.”

“What about your duty to your heart and your humanity?” She was gaining ground and it emboldened her. She took a step towards him. “If they really are dead and cast aside as you would have already killed me. Her too.”

“Take another step and she will be.” Sakuya’s guard was back up now.

“I want to propose a deal. Let her return to Tsutsujigasaki unharmed and I take this.” She held up a pouch he was very familiar with. “Everyone gets what they want, no one walks away with blood on their hands.”

“Is that…?” Sakuya seemed hesitant to believe she was proposing what it appeared.

“It is. You can take it with you as proof when this is all over. They can test the remaining contents.”

Sakuya hesitated a moment longer before letting the maid go. She ran teary eyed up to the ninja and embraced her tightly.

“I don’t know what you’re planning, but please don’t leave me.”

“Please trust me, this is for the best.” She gave the maid’s hands a firm squeeze and an earnest look.

“I do. So, you better come back to me.” The maid gave her an earnest look of her own.

“Sasuke, I know you’re back there.” When she called he appeared from the shadows. “Take her back to the palace.”

“And you?”

She motioned for him to come close and she whispered in his ear. He couldn’t hide his grim expression at what she said.

“If that’s what you really want.”

“It is.”

With that, Sasuke scooped the maid up in his arms and was gone. No other words were exchanged as she brought the pouch to her mouth and consumed the contents. Then she threw it to him. He tucked it away in the folds of his clothes before approaching her. The closer he got, the more she could make out his troubled expression. He had almost reached her when the strength gave out of her legs. He caught her though, and held her close.

“This should happen quickly.” She explained as he kneeled down and cradled her head to his shoulder. “Then you really should get out of the cold.”

“You’re the one that’s dying here.”

“Why are you bleeding?” Ignoring his admonishment, she asked him weakly.

“That maid proved more troublesome than I thought.”

“She is really strong for her size.”

“She had some fundamental moves and was able to anticipate my actions at first.” He brushed the hair out of her face as he laid her down. “I suspect I have you to thank for that.”

“No… I don’t know… who taught her…” She fought to keep her eyes open as she looked up at him. It took her a moment to register he was teary eyed. “No crying now.” She tried to lift her hand up to wipe his tears away but came woefully short. “It’s all going to be ok!”

“How can you say that at a time like this?!” He shook her a bit more roughly than he meant during his outburst. “Take the antidote! I know you have it!”

She just smiled warmly. “Do you know what I’ve learned as a ninja? Make sure no one can figure out your plan until it’s too late to stop it.”

“What?”

He leaned in close to hear her weak voice whisper something just before she slipped away.

Follow Sakuya

Follow the maid

Stay and wait

#slbp #slbp chef mc #slbp ninja mc #slbp sakuya #slbp saizo #slbp sasuke #angst #pining #implied character death #lgbtq themes #haters or flamers will be blocked #fanfic #fanfiction

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internutter · 6 years ago

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Can we see Merle and Ming in LD?

Every neighbourhood has a bodega, the corner shops, the convenience store. They have many names, including some brands. Seven-eleven, the IGA, quick-e-mart, shop’n’go... The names change, but the concept remains the same. A little place where anyone living there can walk and gather emergency supplies. Be it a loaf of bread, some ingredients, or the little things that one is always running short of at the last instant. They can be pokey little places with only a handful of shelves, or labyrinthine expanses with claustrophobic confines and items no-one who goes there could ever fathom needing[1].

This evening, just after ten PM, Merle was cat-napping at the counter when one of the regulars came in. One of the Elves who lived around the corner and down the street a bit. She made a beeline for the tourist spot, where clothes claiming the bearer loved Neverwinter despite any evidence to the contrary.

Long experience with this neighbourhood had ensured that this particular bodega stocked pants and skirts as well. They were one-size-fits-most atrocities that owed most of their construction to pull cords. There had been many instances in Neverwinter of the hardy perennial street loonie who managed to misplace all of their clothing before having some kind of loud and public wobbler long about three in the morning.

Merle got most of his business from the average naked creature who happened to be tripping balls. You didn’t have to be crazy to choose a pair of those pants, but it certainly helped. Therefore it was slightly odd to see the relatively sane Sea Elf grab two (size med-to-small) and two I (heart) NW shirts (small), stuffing them into her basket before scouring through areas she had never gone into before.

Merle watched through a mixture of the camera feeds and the special mirrors around the shop as she seized two stuffed toys, a misshapen unicorn and some kind of bizarre purple cow-hippo hybrid. A couple of Little Golden books, some terrible off-brand action figures. Then she stopped at some of the pre-packaged foods.

“Hey Merle... you have kids, right?”

“Technically. They’re off with their mom. I don’t get ‘em until the weekend.”

“Six-year-olds don’t need baby food, right?”

“Yeah, they all have all their teeth by then. They can chew.”

“Uhuh. So... what should I get like... two of them?”

Merle was dimly aware that she had family in distant areas. “You got some little niblings?”

“No. I found a coupl’a babies in the trash.”

Okay. Maybe it was time to hit the silent alarm. Merle decided to humour her and see if it went into dangerous turf. “Who’d throw away perfectly good babies?”

“Exactly my thoughts,” she said. “Dino-chicken nuggets should be fine, right? Are tater tots a vegetable or should I try these bubble-and-squeak thingies?”

“Never had a kid turn down the nugs,” said Merle. “As for vegetables... it’s hit or miss... most usually go for the mint peas, though. Sweet corn. If they only eat potato, go for the sweet potato. That has more vitamins.”

“I don’t think these ones are too picky.” she got a frozen vegetable medly. Handed over a hundred-dollar bill, and scooted off with her bag of supplies into the night.

Say what you like about the loonies, most of them were generous tippers.

Two weeks later, he got to meet them. One was clutching the binicorn plushie from that night. Both wore enormous sunglasses, and had their golden hair up in identical braids.

“Okay,” said La’ming. “You don’t like what I got? Go look for yourselves. I got a budget, so stick to the limits, okay?”

The one without the binicorn had the I (heart) NW shirt. On them, it was almost a dress. Six-year-old Elves were nauseatingly cute.

“Ah,” said Merle. “They’re real. Colour me surprised.” He watched as the twins made a bee-line for the fresh produce, each with a basket and a state of terrifying glee.

“What? You thought I slipped my gourd?” teased La’ming.

“Eh. I might’a supplied the weeds dispensary down a coupl’a block some dodgy dandelions. Accidentally planted ‘em in the Psilocybin mycelium. I got a few complaints.”

“I don’t need ‘lion.”

“Yeah every Elf says that. I don’t need Dreamroot, until my sciatica acts up or I can’t sleep or... y’know. I actually need it.”

“Long as you keep your fumes to yourself, we’re fine,” said La’ming.

“Shit yeah! Real garlic!”

“If you’re gettin’ garlic, I’m gettin’ peppers!”

La’ming journeyed into the back shelves, “Whoop. Better stop it before they have a big fight.”

These two preferred fresh ingredients. Fresher than the stuff-in-a-box she used to eat. Judging by the way the kids were plotting, they knew a lot about cookery and were teaching their adult minder.

Well. Good for them.

It wasn’t every day that people found the families that were best for them.

[1] It can’t be helped, some of these tiny little shops seem to stock gimcrack from other dimensions, like left-handed kerning sponges, or hand-cranked doormouse stuffers. They are the most common source of terribly off-model and off-brand toy merchandise. In some other reality, that’s the way it actually was.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

#reader request #taz #taz: balance #little domestic #meet the neighbours #dualityandsuch

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casual-romantic · 6 years ago

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ilovewolvezz replied to your photoset “As I was reading Saizo’s POV wedding ES and mentally railing against...”

Act 2 explains and answers everything. I read some with Google translate. The act killed me. It's so terrible the things they done to saizo.

I started to reply to this using the comments function, but decided heck with it, I might as well expand since I think this is the crux of the matter and @ilovewolvezz put things very succinctly. (I, of course, am about to be very un-succint.)

I know Saizo’s life has been hell. I sympathize enormously, and were this real life I would be agitating for ninja reform and collecting donations for affected ninjas’ therapy (with no means testing for assistance). It is not right what Iga does on so many levels even without getting into the whole “killers for hire” thing. I do not blame Saizo for having a horrible life.

That said, I'm not talking about Saizo as a charity case. I'm talking about him as a potential fictional boyfriend. For me, he just does not currently have the capacity to be a good romantic partner. A good romantic partner, for instance, would discuss with his significant other why he’s not marrying her. He would not assume he always knows what’s best (particularly when it’s so obvious he does not). He would not go (albeit grudgingly) to his death before first considering other options and trying to implement at least one.

So, yeah. For me it comes down to his actions, not his background. As Captain Awkward is fond of pointing out, you can analyze why someone is doing something until the cows come home, but it doesn’t change the fact that their actions and choices have real consequences. If they aren’t willing to at least try and make an effort to change when you tell them their actions are hurting you, the best thing you can do for yourself is walk away.

EDIT: @ilovewolvezz commented and it’s absolutely worth reading.

I think you misunderstood what I meant I was saying that for the newbies. I understood what you meant. I probably should’ve add more to the comment but I had 5 % battery lol

If I was in mc situation. And I was madly in love with him. I wouldn’t spend my time in the kitchen always. In my opinion the reason why it takes saizo a lot to get better is because mc doesn’t really help much. It’s always dango like sheesh women dango won’t solve anything. I probably read books take saizo for walks and stuff like that. But in my opinion mc isn’t that mature or pay attention. I’m a quite person and I don’t like talking but even I would’ve already have helped the guy already.

Yes! Absolutely! I hadn’t even thought to bring MC into it because women are expected to put in enough emotional labor without adding free therapy to the list, but if she’s committed to this relationship and wants things to be different she might make a choice of her own and put some effort in beyond making dango metaphors. Saizo didn’t ask for the relationship, after all.

#ilovewolvezz #slbp #samurai love ballad party #Kirigakure Saizo #I have to give him credit though #for being a very good *character*#Because if he were bland and didn't have so many fobiles #we wouldn't be so interested in discussing him #better to be polarizing than average #right?#speaking of captain awkward #you could also apply the Sheelzebub Principle #which asks how long you would stay if nothing changes #instead of waiting for change that may or may not come

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daeva-agas · 6 years ago

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Okay a separate rant so as to not clog up the answer with a wall of text.　

I want to think very highly of Voltage, but it’s still a very bold move to declare “we’ll give you a full on route on whoever wins”. With such short time, I just can’t help but suspect the whole thing is rigged. Once the voting closes, and ballots counted, they either need to find a writer or have to go brief up a writer they already booked. That gives, what... 4-5 months time to research the material and write the story?

As I said, if it’s someone really well-known, it’s all well and good. Just one click, and Wikipedia has everything you’d ever need! Rikyu, Shibata, Nagahide, Doctor Douzan, Oichi, and Tadakatsu among them.

But... if the person is not well-known, the route has to be filled with nothing but fluff... The writers are outsourced. And the amount of research the different writers are willing to put out and incorporate can vary. What if they’re stuck with some person that people knew nothing about? If the writer can’t think up a good plot, it can end up with a very very boring route.

Whenever some new person that I don’t recognize show up in Tenka I go look them up. It’s like... a lot of them are really tough to find info on. YMMV on this, but I personally find fluff-filled routes to be snooze-fests because without historical milestones as reference, the pacing of the plot can be pretty damn awful.

People like Keiji we actually don’t really know much about. However we do have all manners of stories thanks to legends and the hit manga “Hana no Keiji”.

There’s also characters who are made up so weird that even if we do find anything about them in real life it can’t be used. Like Fuuma. Who is... possibly actually a samurai vassal of Hojo who goes by the name Kazama (spelled the same as that Kazama character in Hakuouki). Like, legit samurai with titles and everything. But we can’t use that, can we? Unless we spin some story that he used to be a good, sensible aspiring samurai before he goes insane.

Or what about Kiyohiro? Since the “historical Hanzo” is Hanzo Masanari, can we still use elements from his historical background for Kiyohiro? The dead-loyal Hanzo suits Kiyohiro more than Masanari anyway, but still.

I had a pretty hard time finding even ANY mention of Ibano Hiromasa at first. It got better after a while, and I think there was something about him dying in the same battle where Terumune dies. Which would have been really crappy if that happened in game because then BOTH Shige and Masa will be sad, and it would be so terrible for Koju too.

And speaking of the Katakura, I still cannot find absolutely anything about Shigetsugu other than that he is a real person and was a Shinto priest. That’s it. Maybe it’ll be better if I actually know the right keywords to look for, but yeeahh... not so good last time I checked.

Took me a while to even find what Momochi’s “real name” is, and it was apparently not so bad once you figure it out. Many believed his name to be Momochi Yasumitsu (I can’t believe Shall We Date Ninja Love actually knows this, I’m impressed), and there was something about Momochi Tanba and Momochi Sanadayuu not being actually the same person. Though cool as it may be, there was not much about him personally. Just that he was super important in Iga.

Took a while to find out why Kennyo and the Honganji doesn’t like Nobu either. It’s like, if you just run by Wikipedia all they’ll say is that the Honganji and the Oda are enemies with no explanation why they started fighting. I don’t want him to win and have a route, but you know. If by some God-granted miracle he wins, don’t you sorta need to know why they’re fighting? Or are we just gonna run with some weird fluff plot? I vaguely remember something about a dead brother being mentioned in Nobu’s sequel, which is a load of crock (or maybe poor translation, I don’t know).

#personal

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deanstudies101 · 7 months ago

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4x16, On the Head of a Pin

[very long post]

Critical theory: Guilt and responsibility. Doubts, disobedience, disappointments.

Discussion point/question(s): 1) In 4x06 Yellow Fever, Dean got infected by the ghost sickness and Sam didn’t because, as Sam puts it, Dean is a dick. Dean is considered, by heaven and hell, “a righteous man.” Discuss. How will the knowledge that him “breaking” started the apocalypse affect Dean?

Key quotes: Dean, “I'm tired of burying friends, Sam… I'm just getting tired.”; Alistair, “But daddy's little girl, he broke. He broke in thirty. Oh, just not the man your daddy wanted you to be, huh, Dean?"; Alistair, "I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back."; Dean, “I guess I’m not the man either of our dads wanted me to be.”

Further reading:

The conversation of all time (@captainchilly)

The version where Cas included Sam in “the humans in my charge” (@sunglassesmish)

Dean/alexandre cabanel’s the fallen angel (@bulletsgirl)

[discussion divided into sections because otherwise it violates the character limit, under the cut because it is incredibly long]

Discussion:

Kai, “I love two men who love taking orders from a father who isn’t even there.”

Iga is surprised how attracted they are to Cas. Didn’t think they would be, or how it will develop, or where it’s coming from. But it’s probably the autism. He’s deadpan. He’s earnest. [He’s also, if I may add. Badass. Waifish. He’s an ethereal bloody twink.] He spat the blood. That was hot. [That was so hot.] And let's not forget that he’s sad. And lost. He wants to follow orders and he can’t any more. He doesn’t know how to process feelings because he's new to them. Giving Dean a bit.

Dean was also hot in this. We want to hug him. Someone please hug him. Has he been hugged? [Yes. But not recently.] Especially after the torture. He’s gotta be touch starved.

Alistair could have told Dean this at any point. He savoured it. To torture Dean with it at the right moment—of course he did. Torture is his whole thing. And even if the devil’s trap hadn’t broken, he wouldn’t have been able to do it. He was shaking. He was putting on a front. “He came back different”, yeah he came back fragile. And props to Sam—he knew Dean wouldn’t be able to do it. He knows Dean has been different, fragile. He knew he’d be able to do the job. The plan was flawed from the start—Uriel intended Dean to die, knew he wouldn’t be able to do it.

Not sure what to think of Anna. Iga, “She’s kind of a non-character.” Kai drawing the conclusion that… yeah. Of course. Cas was supposed to take her place. Cas has her plot now. Iga, in her first episodes she had depth, but now she doesn’t… but yeah. [That does make sense. Like Kai said, she doesn’t have depth now… they gave it to Cas.] But it doesn’t feel like anything now. It doesn’t feel like Anna. It feels like someone pretending to be her. [She’s also an angel again. Does that factor in?] Maybe… maybe it’s the emotions. [You mean the lack of them?] Yeah. Or that they’re muted. The character feels muted. Maybe it’s actually incredible acting on her part. Kai is comparing her to River in Firefly—elevating the character to such a level that it removes a lot of the human level characterisation of her. [I like that. I like that a lot.][Also I will say. “It could be incredible acting” is Supernatural to a T. Maybe it’s great acting maybe it’s terrible writing we’ll never know.]

The visuals. The wings. Cas under the lamppost. [The shot with him kneeling all bloody.] Kai, they love putting Cas on Dean’s shoulder. [Elaborate on that.] They keep having shots where we’re seeing Cas over Dean’s shoulder.

Iga, “I gotta say, Uriel has a point… I’m on team Lucifer.” Lucifer refused to bow down to humanity etc. He kinda had a point. He wasn’t necessarily evil. He wanted to pass on knowledge to humanity. [He wanted God’s favourite creation to be corrupted. I’m kinda with you, but he did want to ~ruin them]

We haven’t interacted with Lucifer yet. Neither have any of the characters. Any of his messages etc. could be twisted. We don’t know.

[That leads us nicely into; doubt. The same is true for God, I know we’ve discussed this before. Do we have anything to say on that?] Kinda peak that none of the angels have met God. Not a good system. Faceless orders are never a good idea. [And, I mean, Uriel just lied about their orders.] It’s so easy to. It takes one superior to give false instructions. The angels are so gullible. Maybe Gods in a box. [don’t worry about this as a phrase just move on.] God is drink [even I don’t understand this one.] If you fold God in half you’ll get more drink. [don’t worry about it.]

[There's a post about the line "I carved you into a new animal" and the fact that Cas in 4x01 is surprised Dean can't hear his true voice, questioning whether Dean pre-hell was one of those speical people, but isn't any more because of what happened in hell.][I can't find the post but will keep trying.] He didn’t come back whole. That’s tragic. Fully believe it. [It’s very possible.]

Alistair misgenders him. Can’t read that any other way. [Devil's advocate. It could just be questioning his masculinity in a way that would affect cis men.] And affect Dean specifically. [However. He spent 40 years in hell with Dean. He’s seen all of him. Many times.] But an argument could be made. He was saying the things that would most upset Dean. [I agree. An argument can certainly be made.]

Re: the shot they didn’t include/the shot they did. That look is. “huh… me?” He’s special.

Iga, “What is Castiel’s sexuality? Does he have one yet?” [What do you think?] I think he hasn’t really thought about it before. [He’s thinking about it now.] Kai, is he going to be attracted to anyone but Dean. Iga, I kinda wanna kiss him on the mouth, but I don’t want to get between them. [Um. I personally think that we do see Cas expressing attraction to people other than Dean.] But it will be difficult to say, he’s an angel, and autistic. How would people tell? Kai is excited to see Cas attracted to people other than Dean. [Would you like an insight into fandom's perspective on Cas’ sexuality.] Yes. [The two most common perspectives are that Cas is ace, or that he’s gay, or of course both. Some people see him as bi, or pan, and there is evidence for that. But it’s complicated.] Iga will have a bias to bisexuality [as in, positively. A bias to reading him as bi]. They will try to remain balanced, however they have to acknowledge this. [Personally I genuinely have no strong perspective on it. There is evidence for all. I have read and enjoyed fics for all. I call him the gay angel but the truth is who knows.] Iga is making a grey-ace / grace joke. [I like that.] In regards to asexuality; does autism play a factor here? Ie. processing feelings, understanding what those feelings are.

Re: righteous man. Kai, and Sam, who actually successfully tortured and killed the head torturer of hell—and knew he’d be able to—wasn’t infected in Yellow Fever.

But the righteous man stuff was already standing before Dean died. They wanted him in hell for that reason. Dean’s dick persona is a mask, and no one can seem to see through it apart from actual demons and actual angels. Even Sam can’t. Sam is beginning to see through it, but all he’s seeing is that Dean is vulnerable, that Dean is hurt. He might still think Dean is a dick, and still did in 4x06. Sam is getting more and more able to see through the mask as he gets more and more demonic. Dean is a righteous man. So proud of him.

Re: Dean "breaking." He’s going to have a mental breakdown twice as big. This is worse than when John died for him. His entire life he’s been groomed to be this hero, to save lives, and the knowledge that he failed his father that badly—that badly—will destroy him. Kai disagrees that John is a righteous man. Iga agrees when them—John was in hell longer, so why weren’t the angels trying to get him out, too? [I have opinions on this with outside information.] John wasn’t a hero in the same way—he was out for blood, Dean want to save people. Kai, Dean has finally given in to the autism pda—he has to do the thing, and now he can’t.

First scene of the episode. [They thought the dead angel looked like Mary.] Was this intentional from the writers, or from the angels? [I don't really know what this means.] Uriel killed her, would he care enough to set that up? But it looked exactly like Mary, same position, same clothes. Metaphorical loss of innocence, or a mother? They’ve lost their dad (God). Angels are watching over you, angels are no longer watching over you (they want to start the apocalypse). Iga really feels that there is some kind of intention behind this [I simply don’t think they—the writers etc—thought that hard.]

Like that Cas was on a rusty nail. [I don’t.]

Iga, It’s just sticking in my brain and I don’t know why. Wait. I know why. Mary’s death is what started everything, it set John on the warpath, it set Dean and Sam on this life. Dean’s actions in hell started everything, set them on this path. It sets Cas on his journey, he’s officially defying God, because his sister/colleague died.

[I don’t think it’s a reach. I think it has merit. I don’t necessarily agree. I think every point is valid, it’s supported by evidence—] Iga, you just wish I would die. You hate me. [No. You’re not listening to me. If this was an essay I’d give you a great grade. It’s great analysis. I don’t necessarily agree, but it’s great analysis! It’s like, when we started this, in the early seasons, I was really guiding your analysis, and now you’re really starting to think for yourselves. It’s—it’s watching Cas start making his own decisions, you know? It’s—it’s attachment/detachment! I’m the parent having to let go watching their kid go play on the dangerous slide! It’s scary but I have to do it. It’s okay, you’ll come back and we’ll hug, you know?]

Iga, “I wanna kiss Cas on the mouth. I wanna kiss Dean too, but he’s sad now. I still want to kiss him, but he needs a hug. I feel like Cas would be up for making out a little bit. You can’t say that to the internet because they don’t know I’m crying. I’m mentally ill. My brain doesn’t know that Cas isn’t real. My mum didn’t hug me enough as a child and now I want to fuck a gay angel who doesn’t exist. He’s just like me! He’s autistic.” [this is all a direct quote]

Heaven was trying to get him out from the start. They were trying to save him.* If he’d just held out a little longer… But we’re 25-27. That’s more than our whole lives. But that’s how he’ll think about it—if I’d just waited 10 more years. [But how old was he? 30? That’s his whole life.] Iga, ohh… His life broke him. His life was hell. Living life broke this man. Juice, this confirms for me that Dean is Jesus. [I lost truly track of this line of thought and have no idea how it ended with the line;] “The blood of Dean is of the highest quality.”

Iga, what if Dean drank Cas’ blood? What would happen then? Kai, it would be hot, I want to watch it. Iga, I don’t want to watch, it would be too personal. [Dean died for good at approximately the age of 41. He was in hell for 40 years. No further comment.]

Notes: Juice joined us for just the very end of the discussion.

Lucifer is in his drink. Don’t worry about it.

*I am being so brave and not commenting on this.

#supernatural #4x16 #spn 4x16 #on the head of a pin #class notes #this is 2000+ words and 3 a4 pages long btw #sorry about all that

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atopearth · 3 years ago

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Nightshade Part 2 - Momochi Chojiro Route

I'm most excited for Chojiro (and Hanzo too I guess!) so yayayay~ I always liked how supportive he was towards Enju's growth as a shinobi and always trying to give her opportunities to do things outside of what she's used to so she can develop her own independence. It pains me to choose the option of standing up for Chojiro against Hanzo since it just makes the situation "worse", but seeing Chojiro be so kind to Enju and understand and appreciate that she didn't want them to see Chojiro in a bad light was so heartwarming. Ohhh, so Hanzo has been with the Tokugawa since he was 12 years old after they made an offer for him, mmm that's interesting. Anyway, I liked how Enju infiltrated as a maid into the estate to copy Goemon's note saying he'd steal stuff from them. I feel like everyone is really nice to her so they kinda unintentionally "leave her out" because she has no experience, so I'm glad Chojiro is constantly trying to build her up with different tasks but always being there to support her when she makes the decision thinking that she probably needs help with something. It's really cool how proactive Enju is, and how much she wants to help out everyone and be on the same level as them. I also think it's kinda cute how Enju holding on to Chojiro's sleeve when they went home after training as kids was a cute memory to share.

Enju shopping with Chojiro was cute, it really feels like rather than being "cold" like how he looks, Chojiro is actually just awkward and doesn't know how to treat people he regards as important? It was kinda sad when he said he usually doesn't have things important to him because he doesn't want to lose them (when Enju bought him a handkerchief), I wonder what he'll do when he realises that Enju is much more important to him than he thinks? Omggg I didn't expect Chojiro to hold her hand and walk around!! That's cuteee! I also love how she told him it's a peaceful era now, so he should treasure things without needing to worry about losing them. Considering he lost his whole village and his parents when he was 6 years old, that must have been hard to witness as a survivor. Ohh, so the ninjutsu Enju used to capture Goemon was from Iga! It was nice to see how happy Chojiro was when she told him that, making him feel that Iga still lives on in some way even if the village is gone. Honestly, I was pretty touched when Chojiro tried to accompany Enju to Hideyoshi, and then even tried to stop her for a moment. On the other hand, I'm not sure why Enju's father had such an evil laugh after disowning his daughter to save the village.. Unless, he really did send someone to kill Hideyoshi, and maybe that someone was actually Kuroyuki😟 Anyway, I felt bad for Chojiro. He wants to be as reckless as Gekkamaru and be able to throw away everything and run to Enju and save her, but his responsibilities and his position make that basically impossible because of the consequences it would ensue. Maybe if he was a "less important" figure and shinobi to Koga he could, and I feel like he would have wished that at this moment.

Kando ordering Chojiro and them to go hunt down Enju and Gekkamaru was pretty cruel, like wow, you really don't care about your daughter at all, now I don't even want to imagine what his wife might have went through before she died. On the other hand, it's pretty frustrating to hear the villagers talk bad about Enju (after being influenced by Kando's words etc) considering how much Enju sincerely wanted to repay them for their kindness. But I guess it's not like they really saw Enju for herself even when they "liked" her anyway. They just liked her because she was a symbol of peace, meaning that they could live a peaceful life, so now that she's disrupting it and reminding them that if she doesn't die, then the Tensho Iga War where the Iga village was decimated would occur again, then of course they would disregard her life. I'm just sad that Chojiro feels like he's not allowed to have a "choice" on what to do because he knows the pain of what a war can cause, and how he thinks that he needs to be ruthless and do it so that Ennosuke and them don't need to bear that pain of killing someone important to them. I kinda like how Kyara found her resolve to follow the order to kill Enju. She loves and cherishes Enju, but at the same time, she loves her family too and doesn't want to lose them, she chose what was most important to her, and I think it was very understandable. On the other hand, even though I find Kasumi kinda annoying sometimes with all the crying lol, it's understandable how she couldn't find the resolve to kill Enju even if she understood the consequences. Honestly though, they've said that Kasumi isn't good at fighting so I'm not sure why she's even on an assassination mission separated from the others lol. I knew Gekkamaru would prioritise Enju above the village, but actually hearing him say that everyone and the village could die if it meant Enju was all right was pretty wow. I understand though tbh, and honestly I have to agree with him. It's a dangerous sentiment but honestly, at times I remember those feelings of mine where I thought that if I had to choose between this character's life or the world, I'd definitely choose this character's life because a world where they don't exist is basically meaningless. I think the most apparent one was when I played Tales of Xillia 2 and instead of the good ending or whatever, I really just wanted the ending where Ludger chooses to save his brother haha.

Anyway, it's sad but understandable why Enju feels "ready" to die. I think if I knew my friends had to kill me to save things important to me too, I probably wouldn't have much of a will to live. It was nice to see Chojiro and Enju fight against each other like they're training, but I nearly cried for Enju when Chojiro was strangling her. I'm glad Kuroyuki came and saved her because even though Chojiro is evidently hesitant, I'm not sure if he really would have stopped, since he could have collected himself after, but at the same time, the fact that he even hesitated shows that he probably won't be able to do it. Anyway, there's something really heartwarming about both brothers (Gekkamaru and Kuroyuki) being so devoted to protecting Enju above all else. They're so different, but when it comes to Enju, they're honestly pretty obsessed with her in their own way. I honestly didn't expect Gekkamaru to die. It was true that even though Kuroyuki and Gekkamaru are brothers, they've always been well versed in fighting solo, so it's understandable how Kyara and Ennosuke could get the upper hand. I felt so bad for everyone though. Kuroyuki covered Enju from everything. Gekkamaru was tormented in his death because he wouldn't be able to protect Enju anymore. Ennosuke was sad that he couldn't go back to the village with Kyara, nor did he get to tell her his feelings, and then she got killed by the Nokizaru shinobi in front of him. It's sad that Enju didn't get the resolve to fight against them until everything became pretty much a nightmare since maybe Gekkamaru wouldn't have died if she helped, but at the same time, it's impossible to fault her for it. I think I feel sorry for Chojiro having come too late. I can't imagine the feeling of burying your disciples, especially since he was also the one who told them that they needed the resolve to kill Enju and that they were shinobi who had to succeed in their missions. I feel bad for Kasumi though. So young, so naive, and she probably feels responsible for the Nokizaru being there, when honestly, they would have been there either way, but yeah seeing all her respected older "brothers" and "sister" die killing each other would shatter anyone..

Enju realising that the village would be destroyed if she didn't die made me so sad. It's not wrong to have the desire to live, but it's understandably terrible to think that if she died back in the prison, then Gekkamaru and them would have been alive. Hearing Chojiro finally be able to express his feelings and understand that despite how much he wanted to continue being a "shinobi" that fulfilled his missions and nothing else, thinking that if he didn't fulfill his missions, it was basically death to him, really broke my heart. Mainly because he thought that losing his way as a shinobi by hesitating to kill Enju was what he was most scared and tormented about, but when he saw the lifeless bodies of his disciples, he finally realised that before being a shinobi, he is also human. He can't help but have feelings, he can't help but feel emotions even if he cannot express them or show them, because he can still feel them regardless. His disciples and Enju are more important to him than his missions, and realising that must hurt a lot.. I really wanted Kasumi to survive at least but I guess it wasn't meant to be, especially since she felt responsible for everything that happened. I also feel bad for Kasumi because she had to be the "dumb" character that causes trouble for everyone and then dies in a silly preventable way just because the story doesn't really need her anymore and might as well add to Enju's grief lol. I mean, I doubt Chojiro would have been hit by those poison needles if he didn't get shocked by Kasumi's actions and try to think of a way to save her even though it was too late, so then that made him slower to react to protecting Enju imo.

I thought it was sweet how Enju told Chojiro to hold her hand instead of grasping it so hard that it injures him, so that she can keep his happiness there (since he said his hand itches whenever he's about to lose something important to him), and even if she can't protect it, at least she can give him warmth. Aww it was so unfair that Chojiro made Enju admit that she liked the idea of them being a couple but he didn't say anything about it to her so now she's confused about whether he likes it too or not🥺 Otherwise, now that Chojiro has decided to live with the "consequences" of wanting her to stay alive, it's nice to see how much more honest and talkative he can be even if he is a bit awkward since he's so used to talking like a teacher hahaha. I knew Hideyoshi's death was suspicious and I wondered if he really was dead, but his appearance, his arrogance and his reveal that it was all like a succession game where every one of Enju's friends that were sent to hunt her down represented one of the Elders and whoever won would be Hideyori's guardian, it was all so frustrating to watch. When I think about how desperate Ennosuke and Kyara were to resolve themselves as shinobi and fulfil their missions as they should, it makes me sick to think that it was for a "master" like this who thought of them all as disposable pawns. Kanda being happy about it and the idea of getting a nice reward from it for Koga just made me think yeah, it's nice that true shinobi don't exist anymore. No one should have to go through that pain of having to be a "robot" with no emotions, existing just to be loyal to a master you barely see or know, giving your life to something that barely affects yourself, it's just so heartbreaking and anger inducing. It was nice to see Chojiro tell Enju his feelings, and then they escape together during the match🥰 It's kinda amusing how both Goemon and Kuroyuki knew to pop up now and save them haha, but I think I'm most glad that Hanzo decided to help them escape too, like I guess it was expected since it was obvious he didn't like it, but I still liked seeing it, especially when he teased Enju about giving Chojiro the antidote mouth to mouth before haha. I quite liked the bad ending! Chojiro and Enju committing suicide together was quite bittersweet and honestly one of the only choices they had if Chojiro was too injured to escape and none of them wanted to live without the other.

Overall, I really like Chojiro as a character but I think I found his route rather lacklustre. It wasn't bad, but I think the story wasn't able to build a proper connection between Chojiro and Enju before they separated in order for me to really empathise with their feelings towards each other, and so I feel like I kinda had to supplement it myself by understanding what kind of person Chojiro is. I enjoyed the dilemma Ennosuke and them had in regards to following the way of life for a shinobi and how that all ended up with the different perspectives of everyone trying their best to protect what was most important to them. However, I do think the deaths lacked impact, especially Kasumi's. I liked how Chojiro and Enju understood each other so well, but I didn't really feel the romance sadly, even though I liked how bittersweet everything was since they had to experience all these deaths that were so personal to them. The ending was pretty short in the sense that it felt like they just wanted to resolve it but not put too much thought into it, so yeah lol that was disappointing. I guess I mainly liked how they discussed the pain of being a shinobi and how Chojiro was only able to "wake up" from this responsibility after losing so many important things, but I honestly wanted something more? Considering he was the previous Iga leader's son, I thought there would be more about that, his responsibility to the survivors of his village and other stuff like that, but yeah oh well.

#hyakka hyakurou #nightshade

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