#I love writing and I used to smash out words but lately I’ve been really burnt out lol and my brain says no

[i-may-be-an-emu]

For me it’s like “I want to work on fic” and my brain goes “no! time to rot in bed and feel bad about it instead!” but I get what you mean, the jumping from thing to thing is so real. I have managed to do some writing though!!! I wrote a bit of a Johnny and Janae being adopted by ditch fic today and I’m working on another ditch one (and I’m thinking of combining them but idk I don’t think it really works) I do a few sentences at a time but it’s progress :D

Yes I want to write my story but my story doesn't want to be written so what the fuck am I supposed to do about that huh?

[fairyhaos]

. ˚ never a burden

requested by @dandycharmer : I was thinking, pure fluff, if reader is on the bigger side/chubby going on a roadtrip with svt but there aren't enough seats so someone has to sit on another's lap. Everyone thinks the reader should, as they are the "smaller" coompared to some of them, reader is insecure and refuses but then maybe Mingyu or Coups or Dk brush you off and pull you in they're lap. I love your writing btw, so fluffy💞.

pairing: mingyu x gn!reader

genre: mutual pining, fluff, comfort, pre-relationship, implications of chubby!reader, road trip (planning)

word count: 2118

warnings: none

notes: thank you very much for requesting! not edited.

Like with most events, this entire trip was Seungkwan’s idea.

"We should stop getting Seungkwan to do all the planning whenever we go anywhere," Mingyu grumbles, coming to sit next to you on the floor of the kitchen. You hum in agreement, listening as Seungkwan yells at the others in the living room about packing and food and clothes and whatever. He's always yelling, really. 

It's a thirteen-member road trip that he's currently planning. Well, a thirteen-member road trip plus you, because you'd foolishly told Seungkwan that you were free when he asked you whether you were doing anything this weekend. And, as a result, you'd become part of his event-planning craze, hiding on the kitchen floor and waiting for him to inevitably find you and scold you over your toothbrush choice or something.

You’re sitting tucked away between two corners of kitchen drawers when Mingyu comes down to sit beside you on the tiled floor, and it’s a bit of a squish because even though it fit you quite comfortably, it’s not made for two people and he’s, well, a big man.

Automatically, you try and shuffle away from him, something that’s become habit lately whenever he steps too close to you. You hate yourself for doing it, for distancing yourself from one of your closest friends, but if it means that he won’t be able to feel your skin heating up and your pulse racing through your veins when he comes near, then so be it.

But the moment you try to move away, Mingyu wraps an arm around your shoulder, effectively trapping you against him.

It’s difficult to hide a crush when your crush is an incredibly clingy person.

“Where are you going? There’s barely any space here. You’re going to smash yourself against the drawers,” Mingyu says, and his arm settles around your shoulder, comforting, warm. 

It’s a hot day. But you let Mingyu keep his warm arm around you, settling into the comfortable embrace, feet cold against the tiled floor.

“You’ve been avoiding me these days,” he says, out of nowhere, and you try not to tense up in surprise that he’s noticed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He hums disapprovingly. “No, you do. I think this is the first time I’ve managed to pull you into anything resembling a hug for weeks.”

“That’s not true. You hugged me yesterday,” you point out, but Mingyu just shakes his head. He’s pouting at you now, and he looks so sad and adorable and you feel a little bad. Damn your stupid feelings.

“That was a group hug. That doesn’t count, you know that.” He tilts his head to the side, and the action makes him look a little like a dejected puppy. “I haven’t been able to hug my Y/N in ages, you know? That makes me feel really sad.”

Your heart flips in your chest (he called you his—) but you push down the giddiness, smiling and attempting to brush it off. “Oh, well, I’m sorry. You can hug me tomorrow. Maybe.”

Mingyu huffs, but he doesn’t say anything else, and there’s silence in the kitchen, the faint echoes of Seungkwan’s shouts echoing throughout the entire apartment.

“I think Seungkwan is horribly disorganized,” you murmur after a little while in an attempt to change the subject, heartbeat still thrumming throughout your entire body. You’re used to it now, though. The buzzing feeling whenever Mingyu is near, the slight floatiness of your consciousness when he smiles or talks ot stands close to you. It never really goes away.

That makes Mingyu laugh, and the sound makes your heart jolt in your chest. “Tell me about it. We’re meant to leave in half an hour, actually, and Joshua has only just woken up. He hasn’t even packed yet.” 

There’s a crashing sound from the living room, and both of you collectively wince. The entire apartment is silent for several seconds before everyone explodes into a cacophony of noise, and you can’t quite tell if Seungkwan is screeching or crying.

“Why are you here?” you ask Mingyu, because instead of holding Seungkwan back from kicking the others like he normally does, he’s sitting next to you on the kitchen floor, the arm around your shoulders still firmly keeping you by his side.

Mingyu quirks a grin, squeezing your shoulder once. “Was going to find my lovely Y/N, wasn’t I? You disappeared without a trace, so of course I had to find out where you were.”

You tilt your head, confused. “Why? Was someone looking for me?”

Mingyu just looks at you and smiles.

“You two!” Seungkwan’s voice suddenly rings out, and both of you jump, Seungkwan’s disapproving face looming over you from the other side of the counter. He’s leaning across the top of it, on his stomach, and he sounds a little strained when he says, “Come out. Both of you. We’re leaving now, whether Joshua has enough pairs of socks or not!”

He hops off the counter, dashing off to go somewhere while Joshua yells in the distance for Jeonghan to share his socks with him while the other steadfastly refuses.

You and Mingyu both look at each other. 

“Well, looks like we’re setting off on this delightful roadtrip,” you sigh, and Mingyu chuckles, getting up.

“Looks like it.” He extends a hand for you, and you take it, after a brief hesitation. His palm fizzles against yours, bright pink and warm, and you hope he doesn’t notice how anxious your very fingers are when they touch his. “Where are we even going?”

“Somewhere,” Seokmin says, popping his head out of the living room as you walk past. “Seungkwan keeps saying it’s a surprise, but I think it’s because he hasn’t planned that far ahead yet.”

“I definitely have!” Seungkwan yells indignantly, and he’s standing in the hallway with the car keys in his hand and several bags piled around his feet. “And for your information, we’re going round to Seungcheol’s place first. Everyone else has gone to his apartment, for some reason, so we’ll meet them there and then get going.”

Joshua emerges from his room, arms laden with bags, Jeonghan behind him carrying absolutely nothing. “Okay, but where are we going after that?”

“He doesn’t know, obviously,” you say, and Seungkwan shakes his head.

“Sure. Now come on, let’s get everything loaded into the car and get going.”

Seokmin is practically skipping out of the door the moment he opens it, bouncing on the balls of his feet and pestering Seungkwan to give him the (Joshua’s) car keys so he can put away his stuff. 

It’s a gorgeously bright day outside, and you squint in the sun, the heat of the late morning hitting your skin almost instantly. It’s nothing compared to the warmth of Mingyu’s touch, of course, but it’s pleasant all the same.

A hand comes up to cast a shadow across your face, shielding your eyes from the sun. Mingyu grins, holding his bags in one hand, the other in front of your face.

“You look like a vampire who’s never seen light before,” he says, and mimics the squinty-eyed, scrunched-up face that you were making just a few seconds prior. It makes you roll your eyes, pinching him in the side, dumping your own bags in the car trunk. He follows you around obediently, trying his best to keep your eyes shaded even as he continues to tease you. It’s a little adorable, actually.

It does nothing to cease the fluttering of your heart, though.

You’re trying to bat Mingyu’s hands away, annoyed when they keep coming too close to boop your nose when Seungkwan suddenly pauses in his frantic flitting around, staring at the car in deep concentration.

“You guys. We have a problem.”

“Oh no, another one?” Jeonghan says, but Seungkwan doesn’t even pay attention, still frowning down at the car. 

“Joshua’s car only fits five people,” Seokmin pipes, leaning out of the shotgun seat to inform them. “We don’t have enough seats for all six of us. Someone’s going to have to sit on someone’s lap.”

“Ah. Well, what do we do?” you ask, looking at Mingyu. Mingyu just looks back, not saying a word, and everyone else is looking at you too, and that’s when you realise. “Oh. Oh, no. Guys, no, I can’t.”

“You’re the smallest out of all of us,” Seungkwan says, and you rapidly shake your head. “Y/N, it’ll only be until we get to Seungcheol’s apartment. Then we’ll split off into more even groups, ‘cause there’ll be Seungcheol’s car, Minghao’s car and Joshua’s car. Just for now? Please?”

“No, I can’t,” you say, hugging your arms around yourself. “It’s just… I’m too…” You cringe, embarrassed, insecure. “Am I not a little too… heavy for that?”

Jeonghan pffts, and Joshua shakes his head fervently. But you’re looking at Mingyu, and Mingyu is looking back at you, and his expression shows that he’s never even thought something like that, even for a second.

“You’re fine, Y/N,” he says, and he’s speaking gently and firmly at the same time, reassuring and determined all at once. “Why would you even think you’re too heavy?”

“Well,” you start, and your cheeks are hot, and this heat has nothing to do with the sun, still bearing down on all of you. “I mean, my thighs? I’m not exactly, like, the skinniest person ever…”

“And we’d never want that,” Mingyu interjects, eyes wide and clear and serious. He holds out his hand. “Come on. You can sit on my lap. It’s okay.”

You hesitate, just like how you hesitated earlier in the kitchen, but again, you take his hand anyway, and again, his fingers fizzle with warmth as they come into contact with yours.

“Great!” Seungkwan clasps his hands together. “Let’s get going then. We need to start this trip as soon as possible. We’re already an hour behind schedule.”

“What even was the schedule to begin with?” Mingyu mutters to you as he walks you to the car, and it makes you chuckle a little because he’s right. There seems to be no actual schedule.

When Mingyu opens the car door and gets in, though, the laughter dies away, and you feel apprehensive once again. You try not to think about it too often, but your weight and the way you look is a huge insecurity of yours, and the fact you have to sit on Mingyu’s lap? This is not helping those insecurities go away. Suddenly you feel like a big, heavy thing, and you kind of don’t want to go on this trip if it means you have to inconvenience Mingyu like this.

Mingyu notices you pausing, notices the thoughts and fears running through your head.

“Y/N?” He looks up at you, and smiles, opening his arms. “Come on. It’s okay. Just until we get to Cheol’s place, yeah?”

“I mean…”

“No, no, none of that,” Mingyu says, and then he’s reaching out for you, pulling you into the car and securely into his lap. He wraps his hands around your waist, firmly, and rests his head on your shoulder. “Look? You fit so perfectly in my lap.”

And you kind of do. He’s spreading his legs a little, making it slightly more comfortable for you, and with his arms and his warmth surrounding you so reassuringly, skin buzzing sweetly at every point of contact between you two.

He presses a kiss to your shoulder, smiling up at you, and even his eyes are warm. Warmer than Seokmin’s beams, warmer than the sun itself.

“You’ll never be a burden for me, Y/N,” he says, and even though Seungkwan is still bustling around outside and Joshua is bickering with Seokmin in the front of the car and Jeonghan is complaining at having the shotgun seat stolen, the world goes silent for you and all you can see and hear is Mingyu.

Mingyu grins wider, and it makes you smile too. He reaches up and pokes your cheek, cooing softly. “Look at you, my lovely Y/N. So sweet, so adorable.”

You swat his hand away, cheeks heating up. “Aw, stop it. You’re so sickeningly sweet.”

That makes Mingyu laugh, leaning back in the seat, tightening his arms around your waist. “Only for you. Only ever for you.”

And even when you get to Seungcheol’s apartment and kick Jeonghan out into Seungcheol’s car so there’s more space, even when you’re sitting next to Mingyu rather than on him, Mingyu is still smiling at you, so softly and sweetly and you’re smiling back, heartbeat thrumming through your veins.

Damn. Looks like you’ve fallen for him even more than before.

[azulera]

Rashy noticing that's something has been wrong with you for the last few weeks and you just won't tell him and he's stressing trying to figure it out

azulera

Don’t Leave Me Alone

Pairing: Marcus Rashford x Black Reader

Words: 3.5k

Notes: ngl recent events have made me not even want to post but i already had this done and as i said, i do value that ppl like my writing enough to send requests. so here is this! hope u like it anon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They'd picked the summer time to move in, late May to be exact, and Marcus was sure it was the smartest decision he’d ever been a part of. The prem season was ended, Y/N was out for the semester, they both had at least five weeks free to travel and relax, and there’d be no cold for the mover’s fingers to go blue in. The transporting itself had gone smoothly, each of her things finding its place in the huge expanse of his house, and the past month and a half of eating, sleeping and waking next to each other had been as nearest to perfect as Marcus thought life might get. So he couldn’t explain what, in the last seven days, could have possibly gone wrong.

“Is everythin alright, love?” He asked over the dinner table, which was sanded wood and brought over from Y/N’s apartment, much smaller than the one he’d used before.

She looked up from her plate and blinked. “Do you mean about dinner? I think I finally got the potatoes right this time, yeah.”

“No, not the food.” The side of his mouth lifted. “You’ve just seemed a bit down, this week, I don’t know. Just wanted to ask, see if there was anythin buggin you?”

“Oh,” She passed a hand over her hair. “Just tired, I guess. It was a rough semester.”

“Yeah, it was – you smashed it, though. But,” He paused until she looked at him, and was immediately taken by her brown eyes, which, unreadable as they were, he’d always found incredibly beautiful. “If anything’s wrong, you can tell me. I’d want to help.”

“Mhm.” She replied, and flitted her eyes away, pushing up from the table. “Let’s clean up?”

He nodded, though he wasn’t convinced, and stood up to take their few dishes to the kitchen. They rinsed and loaded in a silence not as comfortable as it ought to have been, and soon finished, Y/N pausing in front of the rumbling machine. From behind, Marcus pulled her into an embrace, fitting his hands around her waist and mumbling into her neck.

“Wanna come cuddle wi’me for a bit? We can watch the next Narcos.”

He felt her take a deep breath, and then lightly pat the hand that held her.

“I’ve got a little headache, actually. Think m’gonna lay down for the night.”

Marcus frowned. “You want me to watch the next episode? Without you?”

“Yeah, go ahead – I’ll get caught up when you’re on your trip next week. I’d just really like to lay down.”

Fatigue colored her voice, and Marcus felt a little more sure that she really was just under the weather, and not anything worse.

“D’you want me to bring you tea? Water? Medicine?”

She shook her head “no”, and turned around, another sigh hitting the fabric of his t-shirt.

“S’alright, then. Hope you get feeling better, babe.” He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then two to the dark spirals of her hair. “I’ll be up in a bit. I love you.”

A near silent “thank you” left her lips, and she squeezed his hand once. And then Marcus was left in the kitchen alone.

~~

After a mild pre-season session the next day, Marcus skipped showering to go straight to his car. When he’d seen her that morning, Y/N had still seemed poorly – she hadn’t left bed for tea and breakfast with him, and no silly texts or memes had come into his phone, the way they usually did during his long hours of training. Leaving now, he'd felt a strange, strong urge to get to her, like the sooner he did, the sooner things would go back to normal.

When he keyed into the house, however, her usual lounging spot – in the center of the living room sectional – was empty. As were the kitchen, bedroom, gym and laundry room that he walked to after. He found her instead on the back patio, cuddled into herself on the sunbed, with her curls spread wild and loose about her shoulders. A book was opened up and settled on her knees, and a pile of crumpled tissues sat just to her right.

“Hey, was lookin for you.”

The jitters that assailed him finally began to slow as he approached her, but didn’t fade completely.

“What’s all these for? You wasn’t crying, were you?”

“No, no, not really. It’s just this book. It’s pretty sad.” She tried to laugh at herself, but the sound came out wet and dull. “Or maybe I’m just dramatic.”

A range of emotions swept over him as he considered her pink, puffy eyes, the way she still wouldn’t hold his gaze for too long. His anxiety flared again, but he continued on with the plan he’d devised in the car, hopeful that it might still work.

“Well, I’m just about to run a bath, didn’t have time to shower after training. It could cheer you up, maybe. Did you wanna join me?”

It’s something special they do, just for them, a quiet and closeness involved that Marcus enjoyed far more than he’d ever said aloud. He hoped it would be enough to break through the wall he felt sprouting between them.

“But you’re all sweaty.” She said flatly.

He sucked his teeth, and sat alongside her on the thin mattress.

“That never stopped you before? When we were squeezed up in the one at your flat.”

“Right.” Her face fell, suddenly, as if she’d remembered something unpleasant. “But I’ve already showered, actually, a bit ago. Went out for a run.”

“That never stopped you before, either” Marcus wanted to say but didn’t, and focused instead on fixing his face to not reveal his disappointment.

“Okay.” He stalled a moment, weighing his next move. “Babe, are you sure everything is okay with you? M’a bit worried–”

“It’s fine, Marcus. It’s going to be fine, just …” She closed her eyes, and they glistened when they opened, focused seriously on his own. “I’m fine. Just stop pushing it, please.”

She gathered her book and trash and walked back into the house, which hurt him, but her last sentences hurt worse. If he wasn't meant to push, then what could he do? Sitting back and watching her pull further and further away from him was tortuous and seemed the opposite of what a good partner should do. Still, he nodded, even though she had already gone, and let his head fall into his hands.

A few hours later, in the bath, the jacuzzi jets going but alone, nothing was as it should have been. Already he missed the slide of her wet skin against his, how the brown of it went faintly pink the hotter she ran the water, which was scalding enough by Marcus’ standards. Now it felt lukewarm at best, the bubbles even less fluorescent, less bubbly than usual, without her there to scoop handfuls of them to paste on his face and chest, making herself giggle and cleaning their bodies in the process. He missed that, too, he realized, her body – it’s softness and strength, and how easily it yielded and came alive under his hands, but more concerning was her mind, which was somewhere outside its optimal state, and seemingly getting worse by the day.

He leaned his head back against the tub’s edge and sighed. It was a soft sound, quickly lost among the hum of the jets and the noise of his muscles singing and thanking him, but then he heard something else. Crying. Quiet, choked-off sobs from the other side of the en suite door, that he knew Y/N was trying to hide, but didn’t know why. The sound alone carved a hole deeper in his chest.

Before he realized it, he’d risen from the bath, shampoo still in his hair, and pushed open the door to their bedroom.

Squinting through the dark, Marcus could tell she was in the bed, asleep, or at least pretending to be. He debated whether or not to wake her – his every instinct begged him to, but the noise of tears had stopped, and he’d been specifically, harshly instructed not to “push”.

He waited several moments anyway, eyeing her sleeping form, burning up inside, but when she didn’t budge, he stepped back into the bathroom, mindful of the growing puddle he’d created on the carpet.

Under the shower head, he rinsed his hair and dried off, putting on his lotion and moisturizer in record time, all the while his mind racing, trying to settle the unease twisting up his chest and throat. When he got to the bedroom, he set his alarm and settled in under the covers behind her, as close as he dared.

Though her breaths came and went evenly, something in him, maybe something of his own creation, told him she was awake, that she could hear him. He felt free to unburden himself, and say what he wanted her to know.

“M’here for you, Y/N.” He used one arm to hold her against his chest, and the other to fix her hair scarf where it had ridden up in the back. “Hope you know that. Whatever it is, we can … fix it, talk about it, at least, together. Love you ... don’t wanna lose you.”

He knew the words were true, and could feel their sincerity aching somewhere deep in his bones. But he feared he was running out of ways to make sure Y/N believed it, too.

~~

By the following day, Marcus decided “not pushing” was no longer a viable option. Y/N was gone from bed even before him, and he turned to his night-table to find a message saying she’d gone out for an early run again and to get coffee. It wasn’t a strange occurrence on its own, but the way the last few days had gone, weeks really, this latest change to their patterns was enough to set him on a nervous edge. All through the day, his head was gone, drifting and distracted while training, and his thoughts sprinting to the worst - Y/N wanted to move out, she wanted to break up with him – in any moment he had idle.

But when his third check-in text sent from the rain-wet bed of the physio suite went unanswered, as did the two facetime call requests, it became slightly harder for him to breathe. The PT scrunched his face, but Marcus didn’t explain, wasn’t sure he’d be able to speak if he tried, and he’d been forced through two rounds of deep breathing before he’d let him off the table.

As soon as the gaffer released them, Marcus raced home through the rain that had begun to pour, calling one more time to no avail, but trying to stay rational. He imagined her sat in her spot on the big sofa in the sitting room when he arrived, apologetic and with some perfectly logical story of what had kept her from her phone all day, and what had depressed her mood the past few weeks.

He opened the front door, however, to silence, and her car keys still gone. His stomach dropped, and an icy, despairing prickle crawled over his skin. Was he overreacting? Or should he have pushed more?

Somehow he knew the rest of the house and even the back porch would be empty, just as silent, and found himself climbing the stairs anyway. His legs stopped by the room he used as his office, and he threw himself into the desk chair. He felt more calm, serious in there, for some reason, and composed himself enough to check her location, which was inconclusive, and click her contact another time. It went to voicemail once again, and he cursed, pulling at his hair.

After one heavy, frantic beat, he picked up the phone again to dial the only other number that would be useful at a time like this. The call picked up on the second ring.

“Mum?”

~~

Marcus’ car had been in the driveway when you pulled up, but when you stepped into his house – your house, now – there wasn’t any trace of him. Late afternoon training usually left him in the kitchen or theater room, scarfing down whatever meals his nutritionist prepared before conking out in his-your bed for a few hours until dinner.

You checked your phone, which had been dead up until the last five minutes when you’d connected it to the car charger, and realized it was closer to dinner time than you’d thought.

Dropping off your raincoat and bag, you went in search of him. The blaring missed calls and texts deserved a response, as hard as it would be to face him in person. You didn’t want him to worry any more than he already did, even though you felt there was little, if anything, he could do.

“Marcus?” You called up the stairs, but there was only your footsteps, the patter of rain, in answer.

You began climbing anyway, sure the sounds of the house would lead you to him, and eventually heard his voice, muffled through the closed door of his office. You stopped, and leaned against the wall to listen.

“She won’t talk to me, mum, she won’t, I’ve tried everythin. She’s not physically hurt, no, but something is wrong. I know that much. It’s like she don’t even want to be around me.”

There was a pause, and an ache began in your chest. The distress in your partner’s voice was palpable.

“But I’ve gave her space. And I’ve even asked her up front what’s wrong, and still nothin. I'm leavin for my trip in a few days, and I won’t be able to fix anythin from there. Reckon she might even be gone by then.”

Each second you listened, you fell further and further into the mire of guilt, and it seemed impossible to get out. Some external force, whose name or origin you didn’t know, forced your hand onto the knob and pushed into the room.

You met his eyes, cautious, but found nothing but relief, unshed tears in them.

“Y/N. Baby.” His voice cracked around the words, and he flew to your side of the room, crushing you to his body, burying his face in your damp hair.

“Are you hurt? Are you okay? Where were you?”

You tried, but couldn't speak around the lump in your throat. All you wanted was for him to hold you again, and to apologize for everything.

“Y/N. You’ve gotta talk to me, please. M’goin mad here, I’ve been goin mad–”

“I’m okay, Marcus. I’m not hurt.” You squeezed at his hands, trying to loosen their tight grip around your back and also trying to ground him. “Went for my run and coffee like I said, and then around to visit my mates at my old flat. My phone died, and I didn’t realize. I should’ve known you would worry.”

He looked back at you with wide eyes still, nodding slow like it was taking serious effort to comprehend the words leaving your mouth.

“I’m okay, baby. I promise.”

When he finally spoke, his voice was gravelly, but much quieter, and none of the terror gone from it.

“Y/N, look, know you asked me not to push, but I can't just do nothin while–”

“Wait, Marcus – can we sit and do this? Please. And you’ve gotta get out of this jacket, babe, it’s soaked. You’ll catch a cold.”

The familiar sound of your fussing seemed to center him further, and he slid the jacket off, settling stiffly on the futon along the opposite wall. His legs were spread wide, and he raised his hands to his knees, fingers digging into them.

Hesitantly, you followed, standing between his legs, watching his eyes, which you’d missed, and his lips, which you’d possibly missed even more. You paused before lowering yourself onto his knee.

“Is this okay?”

“‘Course” He breathed out, pulling you the rest of the way down and rubbing his hands gently up and down your back. It was the first moment you’d felt at ease in the last two weeks, and you took the time to just hug him, wiping at a drop of water puddled along his hairline. Gradually, everything that had been pent-up seemed much easier to face.

“I’ve been real distant the past weeks, haven’t I.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s cause I’ve been confused.”

“Confused about what?”

The intensity of his eyes suddenly became too much, and you pressed your cheek against his shoulder. You made sure your voice still reached him clear.

“Confused about my feelings. About us, about us living together.”

His stomach had gone cold with dread again, but you took the silence as a license to continue. You knew he would stop you if and when he’d heard enough.

“It’s been great, it really has, Marcus. You’re my favorite person to be around – you know that.” His insides smiled at the mention, since the past week had convinced him of the opposite. Still, his expression remained the same.

“And you seemed so happy, having me here. But sometimes, lately, it got — I don’t know, overwhelming? Like, I had my friends in my last flat with me, and it feels like I spend so much time here alone. When you’re here, I don’t feel like that, but that don't feel fair to you either.”

He bit his lip. “I don’t understand.”

“I know, it’s confusing, but it’s like, I’m used to my roommates, us all together, a lot of noise – even when you’re alone you’re not really alone. So whenever you get here, I want to recreate that, spend every second with you, if I can. Didn’t want you to think I was clinging, though? ‘Cause I know how that feels, too.” You paused to take a breath, and Marcus rubbed your back, silent encouragement to continue.

“Thought you should be able to come home and spend your time on your own, too, if that’s what you wanted. So I was moping, but trying to give you that, for a while. Thought that if I could give you some space until your trip next week, I’d be okay. I could use that week to get myself together, stop being ungrateful. ‘Cause I am so lucky, aren’t I? To be able to live with this person I love so much. But I guess I only made it worse.”

“So it’s findin a balance, then, that was hard. Findin ... where you and I, personal time ends, and where “us” time begins.” Marcus summarized.

There was an unspoken “Why didn’t you just say so?” at the back of his statement that your partner was too kind and too patient to say. But you deserved it, so you said it yourself.

“Exactly. But I should have told you that it was eating me up. Not tried to isolate myself, or shut you out. And I’m sorry, about that. ”

Marcus let the apology ring out, and laced the fingers of one of your hands together, a quiet absolution. You felt lighter, now, after having spoken your piece, but knew that didn’t mean the conservation was over.

“Don’t think I need to say I forgive you, because,” He leaned his chin into his palm thoughtfully, before looking up at you. “Because I really get it, you know. I do. I understand that you need your own space, to feel like your own person still. And also that I’m gone, and it’s just you here, a lot, which is new for you. I get that it’s overwhelming, that findin the balance bit. But– I’ve never done this, moved in with someone before, either, have I? It’s excitin, but it’s a lot of other emotions, too. You can’t assume how m’feeling, or how I want to spend my time, just like I can’t read your mind about what's got you upset, innit?”

He paused.

“And it’s like, we’ve gotta figure it out together, don’t we?”

You nodded.

“So when -if, you’re feelin like that again, you’ll tell me? Even if you think it’ll hurt my feelings, or whatever. And if you need to go spend extra time with your mates to feel alright, we’ll sort it. And I’ll do the same. Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

"You promise?"

You promised, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, and chin against his head. With the most difficult part of the conversation over, your senses opened up enough beyond Marcus to notice that the sound of rain outside had ceased. The wet, grassy smell of his training kit finally entered your nose, and your good humor began to stretch its legs.

“So I don’t need to go pack my things?” You mumbled into his shoulder.

“No.” Marcus snorted. “Not unless you changed your mind the last 15 seconds.”

“Nah, I reckon I’ll stay. I'd miss the jacuzzi tub too much.” You sighed. “Saying no to that bath with you was the hardest thing I ever done.”

Marcus chuckled, enough air in his chest to do so now, and kissed you lightly on the lips.

“Fancy one now?” He repeated, and your “please” was fast and enthusiastic. He scooped you in his arms, and you held tight to him, murmuring quiet “I love you”s and knowing as you walked through the house –your house– that you were exactly where you were meant to be.

[svtminji]

what were the members reaction to jeongmi’s relationship? were some members rooting for them since the beginning or was totally shocked by the news

omg! this was something i’ve been meaning to start writing, esp. for the jeongmi files, but didn’t really know how to expand from it. the ask really drove me to write this.. so thank u anon !! 🐈‍⬛🐈🤍

٩(^‿^)۶ SEVENTEEN’S REACTION TO JEONGMI’S RELATIONSHIP !

pairing. jeonghan x oc — seventeen x oc

date set. late 2020 / november 2020

word count. 1.1k

warnings. foul language used, one mention of their engagement, mutual pining omg 😫

an. again.. thank u to my anon for asking this ^_^

anon asks related to this. mingyu reaction

LEAST SURPRISED — “oh, okay. yeah we could tell you two liked each other for a long ass time already. i’m surprised you didn’t get together sooner.” ->

seungcheol/s.coups & joshua

ok this two men were like.. thankful that the pair finally had the balls to ask each other out after like 2 years of painful flirting omg. since the 95 line are usually closer to each other, the jeongmi couple had their designated person that they talked to about their love problems. sc&js definitely heard both sides of jeonghan and minji about their “undying love” for each other but didn’t know if it really was that for TWO YEARS STRAIGHT. #1 WINGMEN—“oh hey jeonghan, why don’t you go help out mizu with her tasks. i’m sure she won’t mind you” or “oh sorry about that mizu, but i’m sure jeonghan can help you with that task”— and they would SET THEM UP on dates omfg. the news wasn’t surprising to them at all. to them, they were already a couple with the way they acted towards each other tbh. — “god fucking FINALLY!! it’s about damn time!”

seungkwan & chan/dino

seungkwan. kwannie. chan. channie *violently sobs*. these men rooted for them like children of divorce who went through hell and back to get their parents back even though they never had a divorce but they were just not together or married. in satirical forms, they would ironically call them mom and dad and only to please their ideals, they would respond to it. literally pushed the jeongmi agenda—“ah minji-noona, when are you going to date jeonghan-hyung? what do you mean ‘no?’, he literally throws heart eyes to you whenever you have the chance to speak and you do it as well..”— and they did not fail! news wasn’t surprising, they literally raised seungkwan and chan.. — “see! i told you they were going to date. now give me those $50 bucks right now.” “hyung, are you serious right now..?”

SEMI SURPRISED — “oh, i mean i expected it but i didn’t think it would be so early.” ->

wonwoo

just because this man is quiet, DOES NOT mean he doesn’t enjoy the drama 🙄!! one of the first people to realize what was going on between jeongmi, excluding the fact they smashed before dating each other. actively had told minji to ask jeonghan out but wonwoo never saw it happen rip 💔. he was more worried about the articles that would come out once they were either: 1) exposed, or 2) came out themselves and said it. — “ah. see! i told you everything was going to be alright! i literally told you to ask him and boom.. he beat you to it.”

minghao & vernon

these two could see that jeonghan & minji would eventually get together some day but they didn’t know when. unlike sc, js & chan, they didn’t push much thought into it but supported the jeongmi agenda. they’ve seen the signs of a future relationship, given how minji would act with jeonghan. minji also brought a side out of jeonghan.. ❪ like being babied ❫, and to be honest, hao and vern were like .. “tf when did he get all mushy mushy with mizu..?”. they were surprised to say the least but it wasn’t the biggest news to them ❪ like jeongmi getting engaged ❫.

SURPRISED — “how long did you guys know.. and why didn’t you tell us beforehand!!!” ->

hoshi/soonyoung

he would see the sneaky glances between them during any sort of dance practice. during dance practices, soonyoung is on HIGH ALERT all the time and frankly, he does not want anyone messing up, including his main dancers chan and minji. seeing minji distracted during practice was pretty rare and seeing her this distracted because of jeonghan was even WEIRD. did some investigation but later gave up because he forgot. didn’t help that he got frequent visits from jeonghan ❪ same dorm building in 2020 ❫ and jeonghan would as him some questions about minji. — “what do you mean they’ve been dating? oh, is that why you asked me if minji was talking to anyone?”

dk/seokmin & mingyu

these two were surprised. seokmin was shocked and mingyu fell to his knees ❪ not clickbait, see image at the end ❫. mingyu couldn’t believe he was flirting with a taken woman, still did afterward. they couldn’t believe their eyes and had to take breather. — “so you’re telling me that you two are together? okay. that’s reasonable considering you two were always together. right mingyu? mingyu..?” image at the end.

MOST SURPRISED — “WHAT THE FUCK.” ->

jun/junhui

oh this man LIVES on his phone, spends most of his off days catching up on whatever he missed. sure he’s heard a thing or two about them, especially from minji, and shrugged it off. he always thought that it was weird that minji had a certain feeling for jeonghan but honestly, who wouldnt? so whatever was said about him from her, he honestly did not give a f.. until they announced it. he’s literally the shocked cat meme or wtv cat memes there are now 🙀🙀🙀 literally him. ngl.. he’s the type to forget their dating because he’ll pop in the room and see them pdaing and boom! “what the fuck is going on??” — “what do you mean they’ve been eyeing each other? HOW?”

woozi/jihoon

this man LIVES in his workplace. what makes you think he’s going to understand the emotional love from these two..? though he did find it weird that minji was asking his opinion on love songs she wrote, but didn’t mention it. and why was jeonghan so keen on wanting to learn more japanese..? on the dates they were busy with either music shows or gose, he did notice that they were closer to eachother and found it extremely strange. #was the last one to find out — “so you’ve been telling me that you two have liked each other for how many years? TWO? oh my god.. you better be fucking with me”

EXTRA BONUS: PARENT’S REACTION

DOI HOUSEHOLD ->

mom and dad were NOT surprised at all. the calls made from minji to her parents always ended on a strange note: “so when are you going to ask out jeonghan?” or “are you and jeonghan finally dating or what?”. minji had enough during the early months of 2020, and kept her secret when they finally started dating. — “mariana mizuki cortez doi. why did we have to hear it from the agency that you were finally dating jeonghan..? oh, you better pray that you are not home til the next year.” — though afterward, they were extremely supportive of the young couple.

YOON HOUSEHOLD ->

just like minji’s parents, the yoon parents were NOT surprised. they always regarded minji as a sweet girl and had always told jeonghan to bring her home more often, without the rest of the members. they also pushed the jeongmi agenda onto jeonghan in hopes he would ask out minji sooner or later. after a month or so of dating, jeonghan would eventually tell his parents on what their newfound relationship was built on.

some were short due to the diverse set of reactions!! but here’s jun’s reaction and mingyu’s reaction.

svtminji est 2023

[writemywaytoyourheart]

Oh my god…I just read chapter 12 and I CANNOT I REALLY NEED TO WRITE THIS ONE OUT 😭😭 CHIP IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS STORY BUT THE WAY THIS LITERALLY RIPPED ME APARTTTT THE PAIN IS TOO GOOD 🥲

Your story writing and symbolism never ceases to amaze me. The bits and pieces of significant object or events that references the earlier parts of the story and makes the pieces fall into place are so DELICIOUS like idek any other word for it because it’s just so *chefs kiss*

I’m just gonna point out a few I’ve noticed because it’s honestly wrecking me internally so much and I need you to know that 🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻💖

1) THE FIRE

The way demon Jungkook just spawns these little flames out of nowhere and MC is like ??? But it turns out it’s just smth he’s been doing THEIR WHOLE FRIENDSHIP TOGETHER AS A WAY TO CALM HER ANXIETY LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT ONE RUN ME OVER WITH A CROP DUSTER

2) THE VASE

that little vase that Taehyung gifted her after her miscarriage that she smashed 😭😭 why just whyyyyyyy stop making these little objects the cause of my mental breakdown (jk ily and your stories 🥺)

3) THE TREE SCENE

I’m not exactly too sure on this one tbh but that scene when she was in hell and weeping over the forest as she hugged the tree, was that supposed to represent the imaginary friend she had been talking to all along? Or did it remind her of them? But still the chills 😩 also I wasn’t sure if that little girl she saw in the tunnel was supposed to be some evil version of her daughter 👁️👁️ but also was her daughter actually her daughter or an Angel that took on the form of her daughter

4) DEMONS AND THEIR DEMON BUSINESS

THAT CHAPTER WAS JUST A HUGE RECALL TO AN EARLIER SCENE IN THE STORY, when demon JK made a deal with a woman but her partner ended up dying. It’s almost like they intentionally give them hope only to crush it and take it away from them, even more so because it’ll be too late and they can’t do anything having given their soul. The event of MC being cured only for her to become sick not long after and dying are literally paralleled with that woman, only with JK being the demon. But also FUCK Jisoo and that stank ass kid I could never be as kind and gentle as MC like YOURE ON YOUR MFKN OWN 👋

5) LUCIFER

The way I KNEW that he was gonna be the one to make the deal with Jungkook like THE SECOND THAT SLUT WALKED IN AND YOU DESCRIBED HIS TATTOO ANSJDJKFJF

5) THE KISS

oh god I saved the best for last… this one broke me because I KNEW IT I KNEWWWW THE SECOND MC WENT LIKE “is that all I get? ☺️” MY SOUL WAS GONNA BE BLENDED, JUICED AND THROWN DOWN THE SINK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND THATS NOT EVEN THE WORST PART, BECAUSE THAT DIRECTLY TIES INTO WHY ANGEL MC STOPPED DEMON JK FROM KISSING HER HOLY SHIT YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND 😭😭😭 THE WAY I STARED INTO SPACE FOR A WHOLE MINUTE WITH WATERY EYES 🥲🥲 her going “not yet” and him being confused asF. SHE WANTED TO BE ABLE TO FINALLY KISS HIM AS JUNGKOOK, HER LOVER, WHEN SHE SUCCEEDED IN REACHING THE FLAME

That took so much out of me omg 🧌 I really hope I’m not bothering you with my essays 😭 I typically do this when I read writings that have a lot of puzzles and important details like just add my little thoughts and things I love- there’s a term for it but it’s slipping my mind 😭 ty so much for gifting this amazing work of art for us to read 💖

HAHAHA I love how enthusiastic you always are 😭 it's amazing 💝

There's a lot to unpack here!! Let's do it^^

1. THE FIRE:

I'm so glad you picked up on that!!! LOL run me over too while you're at it 😭 🔥

2. THE VASE:

Yessss Tae's wedding gift 🥺 again I am so so glad that you recalled her smashing it 💔 that hurted me to write ngl 😔

3. THE TREE SCENE:

This is actually a really cool theory! The tree actually represents someone who committed violence against oneself. It's part of Dante's Inferno with my own little twist. Our lil angel just felt grief for the soul 💔

THE TUNNEL and BABY ANGEL: Again, another cool theory! The demon in the tunnel is just a demon tho! It was briefly mentioned on kookies 17th birthday that she was spooked in the woods. I didn't find it necessary to go all into that since it was just a ghost story that was explained in the tunnel :) Basically it was one of Apple's childhood fears that manifested in the tunnel 🥲

As for the two scenes with the angel that looks like Aera, it is her! Sweet baby girl is an angel now 💞😇

4. DEMONS AND THEIR DEMON BUSINESS:

Babe you hit the nail right on the head!!!! Ahhhhh I'm so so glad you mentioned it! I was hoping that came across, we'll get more into it in future chapters as well 😫 as for Jisoo, fuck that bitch. Her poor lil boy tho, hims didn't do nothin wrong 😭 but fair enough!!!

5. LUCIFER:

Yeah fuck that bitch ass ugly ass hoe 🖕🏻🤢

6. THE KISS:

STOP IT IT'S TOO SOON EVEN FA ME 😭😭

Thank you so so much for sending this! I truly truly LOVE seeing what you have to say and your theories and takes on different scenes, I always look forward to it!!

I hope you have the loveliest day 💖💖

ILY 🔥

-chip

[peterrrei]

i've been listening to your charmuro playlist a lot (i follow you on twitter lol, idk if you posted it here) and i was wondering if you'd want to elaborate on any of your choices...all the sad young men is one that caught me off guard but also makes so much sense to me

hi there! sorry for the very late reply! but oh my god. thank you for sending me this ask because it gave me enough motivation to write down some notes about my playlist and order it a bit because — its a lot LOL

first of all i would like to mention that yes, it’s a charmuro playlist, but you cannot take lalah out of charmuro ♡ so i’ve added songs that somehow fit her point of view, or hint at her presence. i love lalah so much and it makes me sad when people take her out of char and amuro’s relationship or minimize the impact that she had on both of them. (but don’t ask me to define whatever those three had going on because i don’t know. it’s vague. vague is okay in my mind but i would love to make people see my vision. in a few years i will maybe find the words to describe it)

ANYWAY THE PLAYLIST! i’m sorting it in a kind of chronological way, but it gets vague and blurry sometimes because i also think it’s important for a playlist to flow well (and to have songs that i actually like listening to! and it vagueness works for gundam....)

some examples:

∙ 1979 by the smashing pumpkins this song is really great because it truly is an anthem of a new young generation, which is a focal point of gundam! the pain and angst and comfort of late teenagehood/early adulthood ♡

On a live wire right up off the street You and I should meet <-( a jolt of electricity is the kind of feeling i can imagine newtypes feel when they connect with each other) June bug skipping like a stone With the headlights pointed at the dawn We were sure we'd never see an end to it all <- buggy stuck in the mud scene my beloved ♡

∙ familiar feeling by moloko i wasn’t even looking for charmuro coded songs when i found this band! but my delusional heart can see charmuro where the normal person can’t <3 anyway this is definitely a zeta song. i have in illustration in mind for the charmuro zine i’m very slowly drawing/writing that is completely based off their reunion in zeta and this song.

Nothing can come close Nothing can come close Nothing can come close

I never doubted it What's for you will not pass you by I never questioned it It was decided before I asked why It's all there ever was And it's all there ever will be How could you have questioned us? It's yourself you deceive

Nothing can come close To this familiar feeling We say it all without Ever speaking

god this song is so so so perfect and really encapsulates the hings about gundam that i love: vagueness, intense human emotions, sharing these emotions, identity and masked identity, love. perfection

Hush now No need to say the words At first sight you perfectly heard Love in all its entirety Is no less than we deserve I saw, your face Some place I felt this feeling before Is it deja vu? Do I somehow know you? <- this this this! adrenaline still filling the air after battle, amuro sits on the mechanical hand of a Gundam. he hasn’t seen one in over eight years. he has called for him before even realizing he opened his mouth to speak. char. amuro. who are you? do i know you? what is this feeling? have i felt this before?

∙ all the sad young men by spector you said it caught you off guard but it makes sense and i agree! i had the same thought process. it’s a song ive listened to many many times but it occurred to me that it fits charmuro only recently! well-- maybe it’s more of a generic gundam feeling. i am also working on a “generic gundam feelings” playlist.. it’s still private though. it’s called anime ja nai :’)

And no, nothing ever really started with a kiss &lt;- YEAH

I don't wanna make love I don't wanna make plans I don't want anyone to wanna hold my hand <- i don’t know if this makes me think more of char or amuro. and because of that it’s perfect

It begins in the places that we leave behind Every year that goes by a little less future on our minds These girls like to pretend they can't feel anything anymore (...........gundam women..........) Boys break like promises, but only behind closed doors (gundam men.......................)

∙ raise me up by hercules and love affair including an explanation of why i think this song is charmuro is difficult. it just is to me. just like truefalse/fakereal by the same band

My secret love Keeps me awake at night My secret love of the man My secret fight They put you down They pushed your face down They fucked you aver and around You kissed the ground You're the one I waited for your return I slept with rocks I slept with stones Stone was my home Energy Life danced right out of me When my father busted you free He also killed me <- kinda makes me think of zeon daikun dooming amuro ray to have an intense yaoi thing with his son. lol Oh raise me up To dance upon your head Oh raise me up To dance in the holes of your head <- !! Oh raise me up To dance in the cavities of Your eyes <- and this!!!!! i need more of this!!!!!!

∙ a beginner’s guide to destroying the moon by foster the people this song was suggested to me by my discover weekly and the lyrics instantly made me think of char and amuro. cca feelings

I can't blame you I can't save you But I will try for you and I For you and I, I won't find out All the dirty little things that you've done But I will try For you and I, I will breathe in All the truth I can stomach If it keeps you alive <-amuro (I would break you Before I let you fall into the blind For you and I) <- char We've changed the dreamers and the Preachers and the wise men on the hill To concrete stepping smilers terrified to lose their power and control We've been crying for a leader to speak like the old prophets The blood of the forgotten wasn't Spilled without a purpose, or was it? And now, I'm staring at the moon Wondering why the bottom fell out

and again:

To smash the wall of apathy Stop your self-importance And lift the weight off somebody else Yeah, you'll never be whole Yeah, you'll never be whole Until you lose control <- this is directed at both of them

∙ i might be wrong by radiohead major cca charmulalah feelings here...

I might be wrong I could have sworn I saw a light coming on I used to think There was no future left at all I used to think <- char (Open up, begin again Let's go down the waterfall Think about the good times and never look back Never look back) <- lalah What would I do? <- char What would I do? <- amuro If I did not have you? <- ooooooh yes! your lives were irreparably changed the day char stepped on side 7 in 0079 ∙ bleed by george clanton charmuro in its messiness, ugliness and intensity. i absolutely love the progression in the song. starting slow until it builds up to the explosion of kaleidoscopic sounds (that is not a proper way to describe a sound right? but i wouldn’t describe it any other way <3)

Someone else can make you happy Someone else can show you a good time A good time Someone else can say "I'm Sorry" Someone else can fight and tell you lies But not like I do Not like me Someone else can bite until you bleed Make you bleed Not like I do Not like me

∙ the man who sold the world (sung by midge ure. i just like that version better, sounds so ethereal. plus im a metal gear fan lmao) this song really evokes the change between masks char went through. amuro — there to see them all

Although I wasn't there He said I was his friend Which came as a surprise I spoke into his eyes I thought you died alone A long long time ago

Oh no, not me We never lost control You're face to face With the man who sold the world

(I gazed a gazely stare We walked a million hills I must have died alone A long, long time ago)

∙ day by bill callahan this is maybe one of the cheesiest songs in the playlist but i just love it so much. and. i mean. what is gundam without cheesiness? to me this songs feels a lot like a conversation between cca char and amuro. the kind of disdain towards the humanity that has reduced earth to such a wasteland planet vs the hope that humanity is indeed good and we must strive toward the light, even though it is so hard

Some people are a sickness on this land They're killing, they're taking They're stealing whatever they can Anything, anything, anything That is not bolted down Your life, your money, your heart, your faith, your bike

and then again:

Some would ask What are we to do With a world that crumbles to the touch? A world that spins and dies where it stands Like trying ain't enough?

but listen to me:

To family is all you can do And strive toward the light It's as dark as night Strive toward the light I know it's as dark as night I know it's as dark as night

It is day though

∙ la vita fa schifo by le feste antonacci umm haha italian moment. this playlist should have more italian moments and i am working on that. anyway the lyrics to this song is just life sucks life sucks life sucks life suckssss in various dramatic intonations. life did kinda suck for char and amuro right? lmao. i am the kinda person that says oh well la vita fa schifo over the smallest problems. i just thought it would be funny to think about char and amuro dying and both being like. well. la vita fa schifo. what the fuck was everyone’s problem.

∙ l’amour toujours by gigi d’agostino NOW HEAR ME OUT. this started as a meme between me and my partner. of putting this song over the credits of very dramatic movies. it’s because it was the credit song of uncut gems, it really stunned us the first time we finished that movie bc we joke about that song so much, it’s basically italy’s national anthem. so we joked about char’s counterattack ending and instead of beyond the time, l’amour toujours starts playing. po poporopo poporopo po poro po po poroporopo. but then also— you know what? the lyrics fits charmuro too. LMAO (delusional) I still believe in your eyes I just don't care what you have done in your life Baby, I'll always be here by your side Don't leave me waiting too long, Please come byI still believe in your eyes There is no choice, I belong to your life Because I will live to love you someday You'll be my baby and we'll fly away And I'll fly with you, I'll fly with you, I'll fly with you

basically the credits song of my playlist :')

um okay haha! i think i will stop for now bc this is a lot... thank you again for this ask!

[blueberry-ash]

From the questions for writers meme: 7. What is your deepest joy about writing? 16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? 35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

You know, I’ve been writing — creatively, for the sheer love of it — since I was about nine years old, and I still have no idea how to answer this.

Writing is... freedom. It’s a compulsion. It’s stepping out of my own head, and stepping deeper into my own head, and running away from my feelings, and pinning my feelings to a page and making them squirm a little harder. I love the rush of it, when the words are simply tumbling out of me (when I feel like I have nothing to do with them at all, like I’m a conduit, a vessel). I love the satisfaction of it, when the words have — in contrast — being nothing but endlessly fucking difficult, and then I suddenly-finally-Christ reach the point where I can sit back and go, “yes, now it’s finished! this is the story it was supposed to be!!”

ngl, I do also really love that something so wildly escapist — so very intentionally Not About Me — is still somehow one of the best ways to make me feel more like I actually exist as a me outside of, I don't know, the me-everyone-else-needs-me-to-be me.

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I do try to use Actual Bookmarks these days (or, well, scrap paper, at least), but — to be honest — I’m always been so prone to Grabbing Whatever Is At Hand that I’m not actually 100% sure what counts as weird. Like, leaves and feathers and ribbons and (unopened) band-aids and things like that don’t seem particularly weird. Cup coasters maybe are?

The probably-weirdest thing I can remember using to be on purpose strange was a piece of (found) dried snake skin, which I know was my bookmark of choice for a little while. (Yes, I have a genuine and inconvenient phobia of snakes; yes, it made me feel some kind of tough; yes, being a teenager is honestly hard.)

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

Pretty sure I mostly break writing rules by mistake, rather than on purpose, haha. Though, yeah, I do get a whole lot of pleasure from making the conscious choice to allow myself to select what I think of as poetry-choices rather than grammar rules. Unfortunately, I then also feel like a pretty big wanker/poser, which means I don't let myself do it as often as I probably should. :joy:

If we’re talking specific rules, though… IDK, I have been having some fun lately poking the odd hole in “show, don’t tell”. Sometimes, it turns out, it’s actually really kind of nice to simply say the damn thing.

[9w1ft]

Hi, 9w1! Hope you're doing well ❤️

What are your thoughts on Midnight Rain? A lot of people have said (or at least... joked?) that 'sunshine' was a reference to Karlie but I believe the song goes a lot deeper.

Perhaps it could be as simple as her talking about a private lover she had in her hometown before gaining fame, and the lyrics are quite literal.

Perhaps "her boy" in the song was only a stand-in figure for her to sing about how she chose the hardships of becoming a musician/celebrity in the big city over settling for a traditional, simpler, more comfortable life back in her hometown. As in, the "boy" here is a metaphor for all the people or simply the society expecting her to stay within her limits because it's much more comfortable that way to fit in with the norms whereas she chose the pain of deviating against the flow (not necessarily just in terms of her career, but also other things like not being a straight woman for instance.)

Perhaps it's to sing about how all of the women she's romantically involved with chose the comfort of publicly marrying a man over her. You see: sunshine is enjoyable, everybody loves sunshine, everybody sees sunshine, sunshine is usual, sunshine correlates with publicity to me. Whereas midnight rain is a bit of a rarity (at least where I live haha), it's two 'negative' things combined (the dark of the late hours and the blues of the rain) and it correlates with privacy or secrecy.

Would love to hear everybody's thoughts!

hi! i don’t have a full analysis or complete thoughts on this song, but it feels very much in the same realm as the thread of songs from folkevermore about the big shot coming home to the small town, so songs like dorothea or tis the damn season, for example.

this is maybe a gimmicky interpretation but i kind of wonder if this song is from a long night that taylor spent writing those characters from the albums. just an idea. then the lyrics like “deep portal time travel” or the boy being a montage (a series of pictures), or the use of a different voice through the track, kind of work to create a picture of the creative process, maybe. also, it wouldn’t be intentional but, i think that the transition between yoyok and midnight rain being so jarring would make a little more sense thematically.. taylor singing from the perspective of her early career years and mentally preparing herself for the challenge ahead, and then snapping years into the future where she’s smashing sales records with surprise albums based on invented stories… sorry i’m not being articulate here but maybe there’s a kernel of something here.

anyway at this point in time i tend to think it isn’t about karlie in the sense that, i don’t think karlie vehemently wanted it comfortable nor has she stayed the same. she’s always growing and doing more and putting herself out there. to me it would seem that she’s got just as much ambition as taylor, so there would not be that relationship tension or contrast going on, i don’t think. even as i’m writing this though i can imagine changing my mind.

moreover the song doesn’t give me the urge to pinpoint who it could be about for some reason. idk i’ve just been enjoying vibing to it, i really like it 😃 so yeah i am left to wonder if it isn’t a more abstract dealio

side note, and this is just my opinion but, i think that there are several songs that point to weather as being states of emotion that anyone can go through (forever winter or peace, for example) as opposed to a 1:1 attribution. in the case of sunshine, karlie is a key embodiment of it in taylor’s eyes, and has been the sunshine for her in dark times, of which taylor sings a lot about. so it’s definitely a symbol of karlie in a lot of taylor’s work, but i don’t think that every time the word sun comes up it has to be about her necessarily.

[pwblogarchive]

July 2004

July 5, 2004

“Its Such A Joke How Every Song I Ever Write Is”

we’re getting close. i think we might do one more video for TTTYG. the song is gonna be one thats gonna suprise you, because its our favorite one off the record. if it happens, the band is gonna write the video and act in it- cross your fingers and we’ll see what goes down.

has anybody noticed how cliche, selfserving and overdamatic this journal has become? me too.

peter wentz- president of the FOB drama club

love never wanted me but i took it anyway. and there aint a pill that can keep you from my mind- there aint a siren that can keep me from your window. didn’t you hear the word on the streets? i’m getting by on obsession, baby.

p.s. my hair is now black, im here for your heart.

July 7, 2004

“And I Dont Care If Im Just Like The Boys I Trash In All These Songs…”

heard a bunch of the new academy record- you are gonna be suprised. dont sleep. this thing is good and not just in a “my friends are in this band” kind of good, i’d like it even if i didn’t know those geeks. they are like my little brothers. sorry i cut out of the show fast tonight. im not feeling so great about some friends lately. i don’t get “it” but i get it.

if you have any crazy home footage (like the time you and your brother glued yourselves together or whatever) send it to us. we are gonna include a section for it on the release the bats dvd- send it and a release (a piece of paper saying you release the footage and your image to be used by clandestine industries) to: Release the bats DVD at 900 forest. wilmette, il 60091- we need it this month. expect it to drop this fall around the TBS tour.

peter

we joked about the kids who used to be just like us- sick inside of their own skin.

i dropped an “i love you” thankgod it got caught in the wind.

you shouldnt have come back here alone. i’m a shark, baby. and theres blood in the water.

July 8, 2004

“Clip My Wings, I Don’t Deserve The Sky”

I must confess how much I love touring here and seeing old friends. Please come say hi.

I also must confess my serious ashlee simpson crush.

Peterabbit

July 12, 2004

“I Would Forgive You But You Could Never Forgive Yourself”

sooo. this half of tour has been hot. hot and fun. there has been lots of drama in my life. i apologize for being out of it. so st. louis- i got hot. i got delirious. i made some weird decisions. i smashed a bass. said weird stuff. left the stage. threw up. asked bill from the academy to get me some FOB booty shorts and tell the crowd i quit fall out boy. then i yelled into a megaphone. got into skimpy shorts and ran around on stage playing.

Oh yeah all these ideas seemed really funny at the time, now not so funny.

i apologize for anyone who had to see my legs in shorts.

that was the hottest i have ever been in my entire life.

peter

texas is the reason.

July 14, 2004

“Which One Is It Gonna Be The Smile Or The Voice Cause You Can’t Have Both”

For some reason texas air feels right on my lungs. I can’t wait to hit the coast. The stars out here are playing jokes on me. These shows have felt pretty good too. Me and patrick wrote a new one today, it gonna make you dance.

July 15, 2004

its been awhile. i apologize. i can't say i haven't missed you. i need to write more. i think i start to lose it otherwise.

sometimes it all just feels so fucking on. if you don't get that, i'm sorry i cant explain it. 

seeing this country in the summer in a van leaves me breathless. get off the computer and go out and fall in love with someone or something.

you gotta know you have my heart.

- petey

July 15, 2004

“Its Like Chris Said”

New mexico was great for never having been there before. People were so welcoming. I got electrocuted. That was not so great. I’ve got to stop reading the internet, it bums me out a lot. Okay I’m through with (me) all the complaining. I feel like I am holding my breath all the time. A nervous stuttering wreck, and then you don’t like me anyway. I’ve got it figured out, none of it matters. Either: you love to hate me or you hate to love me. But for the record you are my favorites anyway.

Love peter Oh yeah. Hey j.m. Remember that boy I was always nervous about you hanging out with, the one I hated? When did I become him? I dunno, but I did. I’m sorry. For the record I hope you’re doing alright.

July 16, 2004

There’s a part of me that thinks that things might turn out alright. But there’s another part that hopes you didn’t leave your hotel key between pages of the bible iin the drawer.

- petey

July 16, 2004

“Nobody Puts Pete The Baby In The Corner”

Sometimes I just write when I am in a bad mood. And often what comes out is trite and depressing. I am sorry. As I sit here with my posture clearly indicating hours on a glowing screen filled with meaningless words, my middle finger calloused and crooked from writing for hours a day in a notebook that seems filled as soon as a new one it bought. With this keyboard I take AIM on nothing and don’t really care. My wrists feel like they’d slit themselves if I let them, they want out (so do I). Then I remind myself I am out with my bestfriends and having the time of my life. My hotel room was next to a palm tree,

I slept well and dream free.

That was me beng a baby. It happens. You have all always been so nice so don’t even sweat it. Just deal with me getting “emo” sometimes.

P

July 18, 2004

A lot of people have been asking for this. Here’s a bit from our new song- we don’t take hits, we write them….

Find myself on the street out in front of your house so you can kiss safe thoughts good bye. I’m coming up to break your heart. You’re sleeping with the light on like you’re dying to be found out.

I need to take a break from the internet for awhile. I think you’re getting to me love.

- petey

July 18, 2004

“This Place Is A Prison And These People Aren’t Your Friends”

I heard somebody once say “if you love something set it free”

But we’re doomed to crash with these clipped wings

July 25, 2004

“I Aint Dropping No Sympathy… On You Cause Youre Living Lives Way Too Complete For Me…”

its only always been about dropping tears and names. its just a song. so forget all the questions. the stories getting old - but we’ll always be the homewreckers with the hearts of gold.

dont believe in someone who never believed in anything.

July 25, 2004

“No Time For Love, Dr. Jones, We Got Trouble”

I’m gonna miss california. This trip to the west coast was what I needed.

Peter

July 27, 2004

“Status Report”

Lots going on. We’re gonna miss the west coast…. Also. Were gonna have some new merch for warped tour: a shirt that has 8 of our early shirts on it for the collectors, a fob drama club shirt, scene point pins and more. So come by and check it out. Secondly, we aren’t/didn’t play warped in your town because they didn’t ask us to not because we didn’t want to so don’t believe the hype.

Also, our friends in gym class heroes will be playing the bnd tour with us on august 1 in davenport, iowa and then I am setting up a show again for them in chicago on august 3, so come check them out. They are the next big thing, better than atmosphere.

Lastly, I guess some people have told the guys in new found glory we were shittalking them in our dvd. That is the farthest thing from the truth. I knew chad when he was in shai hulud and have always looked up to nfg. That is a band that did it right and I have more respect for than any other band in our genre. We goofed around on a video three years ago to try and trick some girl. That’s it. No drama. So if you are going to warped before we get on it, stop by nfg and tell them fall out boy loves them for us.

There’s no other band out there that did it like them.

Didn’t we tell you the fob drama club was in full effect.

Pete

July 30, 2004

after awhile when you bounce back and forth between different hearts nothing gets old. you never really have to mean anything to anyone. i have intimacy problems with the world. her eyes are blackened around the edges so much that she looks like a racoon. they look like permenant black eyes- the consumate victim. everybody loves the victim. he can’t put his finger on what it reminds him of but the closest he can come are old zombie movies. she’s made-up to look half dead- which still beats most of them who are just half-alive anyway. her hair looked like rows of shark teeth dyed over dye jobs like she was running away from her natural color. noone wants to be what they are. she looks independent in a very vulnerable way. the safest kind of dangerous. we drove around the city so she could alternate between cigarettes and coffee. we talk about the kids we hate just so we have something to agree about. they used to be just like us. we’re sitting on the edge of her bed. every single inch on your body is filled with millions of nerves. somewhere inside your brain neurons have fired to synapses and put them on alert. when your hands brush hers it feels electric. every movement has a meaning, either yes or no. its getting later and later. the conversation and the possibilities are running out. last call. this is a war. everytime she moves her hand to her hair she is sending you signals. stay or leave. why can’t you figure them out. don’t strike first. wait until you are tired enough to make a move. lean in to kiss her bringing an awkward break in conversation. as you pull back she keeps talking about writers and bands she thinks will make her look cooler. but your fooled if only because you are worried she has found you out. push your tongue into her mouth too keep the right words from spilling out. her sheets smell like stale cigarettes smoked by boys who were me on nights before. she has a body that is built for sex. the kind a kid like me wouldn’t know what to do with if we had half the chance. imagine the chemistry of swallowed DNA. she has a scar that runs down her back right along the spine, like somebody tried to steal it. i joked her like this: “someone must have ignored the blue prints, look at all the structural damage”. but i stuttered and trailed off. the smoke curled off of her lips. for a second i was dying to be it. dying to be as clever and kissable as her. there she was sitting in front of me, knee pulled up to to her chin. smoking a cigarrette thinking of something or someone else. and thats how she will be stuck in my mind forever. two explorers in the dark, mapless and hopeless. alone together. its funny how easy it is to sleep with someone, but how hard it is to sleep next to someone. it’s too intimate. it makes my heartbeat race and pound inside my head. it is deafening. i slide my arm from behind her head and slip out the door. the pavement on the sidewalk is watching me go over every moment in my head. it’s watching me remember you. mistake by mistake. frame by frame. we’re not just taking trips down memory lane, we are broken down on it.

- petey

July 30, 2004

“Gbet Down With A Sickness”

i am sick. colorado was insane. sorry the show sold out so quickly, we had no idea. somebody bring me some fireworks to the iowa shows so i can shoot them at people and feel better. this is a part of this other book i have been working on: www.fueledbyramen.com/journal its a bit different than the boy with the thorn in his side.

you have no idea.

peter

[use-your-telescope]

Oh, wow. You had a real "kill your darlings" moment, didn't you? How deep into the first draft did you get before switching gears?

Uh… well… *adds up word count in draft 1* I wrote just over 120,000 words before I decided I wanted to build things out more and give Theo some connections to the world around her and add complexity to the antagonist; that was then she got a family from “the before times…” but at the time it was a found family. That lasted… *calculates word count on draft 2* approximately 270,000 words? Then I had the realization around her goal, motivation, conflict, etc. and it was like a switch flipped; around that time I was like “what would she have been working towards as a career?” And that quickly evolved into “what is her career” as I shifted things around. This go-around (which, barring grammar edits and small adjustments, I think is the final draft) is already over 300,000 words and I’m probably 2/3 of the way in? The biggest differences in the moments shown are between drafts one and two, while the biggest differences in Theo as a character are between drafts two and three. Each draft adds in more world building and details too, so average chapter lengths went from ~2,000/chapter in draft one to ~5,000 chapter in draft three.

I realize I didn’t mention this before, but I think her values and the impact of her experiences shaped her are still relatively identical, despite her goals and past changing. She cares a lot about other people, is terrified of failure, and is trying to fix what she believes are her shortcomings and failures. A lot of her personality has been consistent at its core, but I think it’s much more nuanced and fleshed out now. So while yes, “kill your darlings,” but I bet when I share the final you’ll be able to see traces of the original throughout.

On the note of using creative ways to get into characters’ heads, since this story also involves interacting with press (this is an AU where avengers are also considered celebrities, though that’s a smaller aspect of the story) imagining what would happen if they were a guest on a late show and asked about what was happening has been a fun way to work through things. It even helps me sort out what they would be reserved about vs what they would be open about! Another fun one is imaging the assorted group chats between the characters.

Okay, but REAL TALK: I think watching the analysis videos has been one of the MOST impactful things on my writing; i started doing that well before I got back into writing, but now I can see if really helped rekindle the interest! At the time I wanted to cultivate an ever deeper understanding of my favorite stories - I already would go English Lit minor on my favorite lyrics and my favorite musicians (particularly in tracking themes, motifs, symbols, and repetition over time) and so naturally that progressed into my favorite stories, but I felt like I was missing so much stuff… hence the videos. Once I was getting back into writing, the ability to look for the things I saw in my favorite stories and employ those techniques made all the difference in how I created!

Given I work in education, I feel like it’s the most on-brand thing for me to seek out ways to learn more about something like writing analysis 😅😅

Okay but that last comment??? You are the sweetest 😭🥰😭 even with all the thought processes and such, I often feel like keyboard cat smashing out words that may or may not make sense or even be interesting. There are absolutely scenes that I’ve written ten versions of and I love them all but then I worry that they are too self indulgent, so I go back and write an eleventh version.

That being said, I am excited to finally finish this story and share it — I hope it lives up to the excitement! 🥰

good morning, lovely! How about grass + rock for the elemental asks?

Good morning dearest!! Hope you're ready for a novel because these two are questions I have some thoughts on 😉

These prompts are from the Elemental Asks post.

Grass: What’s the biggest change you’ve made in your WIP since you started it?

Oh man, the story from draft one until now has MASSIVELY evolved; that being said, I think Theo as a character has probably changed the most.

When I started draft one, I had the premise that she had been kidnapped ten years before the story started and was taken to another planet, and she essentially struck a deal with SHIELD to get safe transport to Earth if she would agree to join the Avengers - yes, if that sounds sus, that's because it is; eventually it would be revealed that she wasn't actually from Earth, but from the planet SHIELD helped her escape from. She was running from her mother, a powerful mage who had started a war on her home planet in a quest for power and expected Theo to take it over. Theo had escaped to Earth in the past before, which is why SHIELD knew about her, but ten years ago her mom found her and she was dragged back to her home planet.

As I started to dig into it more, I realized it was really hard to connect Theo to the world around her and give her the depth needed for the story to work because she didn't have those tangible connections to ground her in the story and make her a realistic character, and I realized that if her motivation was running away without doing something to make her mother stop chasing her, there was no goal for her to work towards or reason for her to not immediately ditch the Avengers and go run.

Theo's background, goals, pretty much everything about her is entirely different from when I first started this story, to the point where almost everything I just said is no longer the case. Some things about Theo have stayed the same: she is a powerful healer, she loves music, and she is not originally from Earth (that's revealed in chapter 1, so it's really not a spoiler, but unlike what I just wrote she is not running from anyone). But now she has a career, interests, communities that she's a part of, and those intertwine with her character arc and provide different facets to explore her emotional wounds and growth through the story. Additionally, she has physical limitations that weren't present before: she has asthma, and using her magic has other physical consequences. She may be powerful, but she has limitations and she has to work within them. And that has made her a much more interesting character to write and explore.

Oh yeah, the other biggest change? THIS STARTED AS A FUCKING ONE SHOT. 😂🤣😂🤣 Because OF COURSE IT DID.

Rock: How do you deal with writer’s block?

This depends on when the writer's block occurs! if it's mid-scene, that usually means I somehow wrote myself into a corner or haven't fully sorted out where I want the scene to go. In that case, I will figure out what the point of the scene is, then go back a paragraph or two and try to find a new direction to take the scene, because that's usually where the roadblock actually exists.

If that doesn't work, I may chat with my beta about the scene and work through it that way - she has seen the story evolve and also LOVES analyzing stories, and with her marvel knowledge she has offered some great alternatives that have helped me get back on track (she also does this when I have scenes that are decent but are missing something, which is great!).

If I'm stuck on a description or know what needs to happen but can't find the right words for it, I'll just put a very vague summary in brackets and continue on, knowing I can come back to it later... essentially:

[insert Theo reflecting on what just happened]

That way I can continue working, and often by the time I finish the scene I've sorted out what I want to say in the brackets, so I just go back and fill in that section.

Other things I might do, usually if I'm stuck on how to start a chapter or how to get from major plot point A to plot point B:

work on a different part of the story and take some time away before re-approaching the section I'm stuck on so I can look at it with fresh perspective.

Read/watch other stuff and look for inspiration there - I particularly enjoy watching videos about story breakdowns, analysis, and character arcs because I find they help me go back and review my own story with new questions that I can use to explore my characters and the world they live in. If it's a creative work, I usually spend some time breaking down what I like about it and look for ways I can incorporate those elements into my work.

Find new music to listen to - not just because this story has a strong tie to music, but because music will often give me a scene/starting point with startling clarity that I can then build on.

Practice getting in my characters' heads - I've legit answered the Vogue 72 questions as Theo and as Loki, and though those will never be in the story, what I found from the process was really helpful. See also: the tweet about writing an AITA post from your villain's perspective as a way to develop their complexity.

Ask me about my writing!

Btw, the Elemental Asks include some really great questions that might give you some more information on the Trickster...!)

[bucky-barnes-diaries]

Late Night Rides

Moodboard made by me

Pairing || Dilf!Neighbour!Bucky x Female!Reader

Summary || Having a secret affair with Bucky and needing to meet up secretly in his car for a chat and sex so you won’t get caught.

Text messages; Bucky || Reader

Word Count || 3987

Contents & Warnings || Smut, Fluff, Slight Angst — NSFW, 18+ Only, Minors DNI, explicit content/language, major age-gap (reader is early 20’s, Bucky is early/mid 40’s) infidelity, pet names (babe, baby, doll), unprotected vaginal sex, lots of kissing and touches, teasing, grinding, spanking, praise kink, creampie, mention of bodily fluids.

Authors Note || I’m so happy with this fic! I really put down extra love and care into this one and I’m so excited for people to read it <3 but also nervous

Disclaimer || English is not my first language so I apologise for any mistakes or misunderstandings!

Dilf!Neighbour!Bucky Masterlist

I don’t do taglists anymore so please follow @bucky-barnes-diaries-library and turn on notifications to never miss out on my writing!

It’s Wednesday night, and you've been cooped up all afternoon inside your room to do some last-minute studying for an important exam tomorrow. You’re lying on your stomach on the bed with your comfy clothes on. Legs crossed in the air as you review some final notes to ensure you are 100% prepared for tomorrow.

You’ve created a pleasant atmosphere for studying—calming music is playing through your AirPods, and the healthy snacks and drinks you’ve made for yourself keep your brain fed so you can cram all the knowledge into your memory with no problem.

A ping of your phone, signalling a text, pulls you out of the concentration, making you groan in annoyance. But once you see who the message is from, you can't help but feel all giddy inside like a schoolgirl with a major crush.

It’s from Bucky, your hot next-door neighbour and the man you’ve been hooking up with behind everyone's back for a few months. It’s been a while now since you’ve talked or texted.

You’ve both been busy with your lives the past two weeks; you with school and him with his wonderful two kids and his bitter wife, so you haven’t been able to see each other in private.

The only contacts you’ve had were some quick hello’s and secret glances when you bump into him in the neighbourhood. Every time you saw him, you yearned for his delightful touch and attention—his soft lips on yours and his intoxicating hands worshipping your skin as he whispered how good you are for him. You shudder at the thought as your stomach fills with tingling butterflies.

For a few days now, you’d hoped you would meet up again soon, and it seemed like tonight might be it, although you should be studying…

Hey! You still up?

Hi! Yeah looking over some final notes for my exam tomorrow 🤓

Right yeah I forgot it's on Thursday. Good luck baby ❤️ Text me when you finish tomorrow

I will 😚 But was there something you wanted due to the late-night text?

Just wanted to see if you were up for a drive. Everyone’s asleep and I could use the company. But I don’t want to disturb you. Do some more studying baby. Get a good night's sleep! I know you will ace this exam tomorrow because you’re such a smart girl ❤️

You felt your stomach fluttering as he called you a smart girl. He was right. You would absolutely smash the exam tomorrow because you’ve been studying hard and you knew the topic like the back of your hand.

You needed a break; you deserved it. So you decided to take up his offer and have some much-needed fun with him (which would definitely lead to sex.)

I want to see you. I’ve studied enough now. Give me a sec. I just need to get dressed and I’ll be out ☺️

Really!? Ok I’ll wait at the usual spot

You put on some more appropriate and easily discardable clothes for your and Bucky’s “date”, if you could call it that. A short skirt, a cute top, and a cardigan to keep you warm on a chilly night.

Very quietly, you tip-toed downstairs and out the door, making sure not to wake your parents, who were sound asleep.

Although it's late and dark, you walk quickly past the neighbouring houses. Paranoia overwhelms you that someone may see and recognise you, despite all the houses being pitch black and not a single soul walking the streets.

You get into Bucky’s car that’s waiting for you a few houses down. You don’t even get to say hello before he’s cradling your face and pressing his lips firmly to yours—eagerly moving them against yours to familiarise himself with them again after the long absence. You melt into him and place your hands on top of his as you make out.

After a few moments, he pulls away, leaving you breathless and making you inhale a shaky breath. He smirks as he brushes his nose with yours while muttering a low “hi.” You feel heat rise to your cheeks as you also greet him with a trembling “hey”. Your mind still foggy from the kissing, and butterflies flutter in your stomach at being in his presence.

“I missed you so much, gorgeous.”

“I-I missed you too.”

He pressed his lips to yours again, wanting to continue where you left off and then some. He put his hands on your waist, wanting to pull you on top of him so you could progress this even further, but you stopped him before he could. It’s not that you didn't want to be pressed up against him; you just didn’t feel so comfortable going at it right in your neighbourhood.

“B-Bucky.” You placed your hands on his chest and lightly pushed him away. “I-I don’t feel comfortable doing this here. Can we drive somewhere a little more private, please?” You pouted.

If Bucky could choose, he would have you right here and now. Loving the rush of potentially getting caught by one of your neighbours that decided to go for an evening stroll, but he knew you weren’t comfortable with it, so he respected your boundaries.

“Of course, we can, baby.” He caressed your cheek while giving you a heartwarming smile, making his eyes crinkle. “I never want to do something you’re uncomfortable with.” “Thanks, babe.” He gave you a sweet peck before he put the car in drive, and off you were.

He turned up the radio a bit to have some pleasant background music and put the heating on to warm you up.

You removed your cardigan, which made him side-eye you and lick his lips as you revealed more of your tempting skin. He gripped the steering wheel hard to try and resist the urge to stop on the road and take your hard. He wanted to have you somewhere alone and secure before he started exploring you because there was no way to stop him when he began.

You glanced over at him as well. He was clad in jeans and a thin sweater, so you couldn’t see much of him. But you knew he was packing behind those pants and that his torso looked like a Greek statue. It made you ache between your legs and mouth water that you would soon have all the time to explore his naked body.

After a while of comfortable and sexually charged silence, you and he effortlessly slipped into a conversation as you talked about your weeks apart—catching up with each other’s lives. There wasn’t much to talk about from your side. It mostly revolved around school and studying for the exam.

Bucky had loads to talk about, especially with his two kids. He beamed with love and happiness as he spoke of them. Laughing and getting so enthusiastic as he shared the latest. It was so heartwarming to see and hear.

You missed them as well. You’d gotten a good connection with them the first time you ever went to babysit. That’s how you met Bucky, and you had fallen for him instantly.

Talking about his kids naturally moved the conversation over to his wife. That’s when the atmosphere switched to something more unpleasant and tense. You didn’t say much while he talked about her, just listening to him complain and letting him vent about how much he essentially hated her, although he never said it straight out.

It wasn’t really your place to say anything about her, although you had lots of input. You wanted to tell him to get a divorce because the constant arguing between them wasn’t leading to anything, and it was bound to be taken out on the kids negatively. You wanted to tell him that he deserved to be happy. If not with you, then with someone else who would give him the love and intimacy he deserved. You just wanted what’s best for him and his children.

After the rant and mention about his wife, it got a little awkward in the car. You knew what you were doing was essentially wrong even if their marriage was on the brink of collapsing and probably not savable, but still, you felt a little guilty about being with a married man. A homewrecker was something you never wanted to be, although his wife was doing that just fine herself.

“You know, the kids miss you. They're always asking when you’ll come over again to play.” Bucky said while looking over at you with a smile, trying to break the awkward tension he created between you two.

Your heart filled with warmth when he told you that they’d been asking for you. You missed them so incredibly much as well, and you couldn’t wait to see them again soon.

“How about this weekend? After my exam, I’ll have loads of free time to hang out with them.”

He placed his palm on your naked thigh, giving a squeeze, as he beamed with happiness once again. “They would love that, and so would I.” He looked over and smiled, which made you feel all fuzzy inside.

For the remaining few minutes of the car ride, until you got to your destination, you sat in now comfortable silence with each other.

Once you arrived at a more secluded area, Bucky turned off the car. You were all alone now. No one would be able to disturb the two of you.

You thought now, when you were for yourselves, he would toss himself over you like he usually did, but he retracted further from you as he furrowed his eyebrows, looking deep in thought as he tried to find the right words to tell you something.

“I’m sorry about the whole, you know….” He gestured with his hands, hoping you would understand his meaning without mentioning who or what he was talking about.

“Bucky, it’s okay. You can always talk to me about anything that’s bothering you, no matter what it is. I’m always here to listen.”

He let out a puff of relief that he hadn’t screwed up anything with you. “Thank you.” He tilted his head as he looked at you, a smile decorating his beautiful face. “That means a lot.”

“I just want you to be happy.” You took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. It fit so perfectly in yours, like two puzzle pieces meant to be. You never wanted to let go. “I really care about you, Bucky.”

“I care about you also, so much.”

The words you said to each other felt like they held an entirely different meaning. A synonym for those three words that would absolutely change everything if you said it. But neither you nor Bucky were ready to take that next step yet, so for now, “I care” was enough to convey your feelings for one another.

You gazed into each other’s eyes for a few moments. An entirely new atmosphere was brewing around you—one of intimacy, love and neediness.

Bucky’s eyes were fixated on your lips before they flickered to your eyes and then back down again. Your heart beat fast in your chest, and your core fluttered as you leaned into one another. When your lips came in touch, there was no denying the sparks that exploded between you two. You and he were perfect for each other; there was no denying your intense chemistry together.

You kissed slowly and sweetly at first—expressing your love and care for one another through it. The kiss gradually built momentum when his hands grabbed your waist, digging his fingers into your skin, and yours snaked in the hairs at the back of his neck. Your lips now eagerly moved against each other as you were both impatient to feel one another to the fullest.

Bucky nips your bottom lip and growls against you as he tugs you towards him, conveying that he wants you on top. With a bit of awkward shuffling, resulting in a few “ops” and “sorry’s” and lots of giggling, you managed to find your place on top of him, resting your legs on each side. Due to the car being so crammed, your head hits the roof when you go to adjust yourself in his lap.

“OW!” You cry as you rub the top of your head while wincing in pain, which sends Bucky into a slight panic that you’d hurt yourself pretty bad.

“Oh my God, baby, are you okay?” He questioned nervously as he cradled your head while concern was written all over his face. He didn’t like seeing you in pain.

“Y-yeah.” You grit your teeth and suck in air as he touches the tender spot.

“You sure?” Bucky can’t help but chuckle a little, which you do as well.

“I’m sure. All is good now. I-I’m sorry, Bucky. That wasn’t very sexy of me.” You look down in shame, fiddling with your fingers, thinking you ruined the moment between you two with how clumsy you were.

“Hey.” He lifts your chin with two fingers, making you look at him. “You’re always so fucking sexy, even when you smack your head on the roof of my car.” He chuckles again. “You still want to keep going?” He runs his hands up and down your naked thighs, which makes you sink further into him, craving his closeness and intoxicating touch.

“I do.” You mumble against him as a smirk curves on your lips. You cup his cheeks, feeling his scruffy beard underneath your palms, and press your lips firmly to his, continuing where you left off a few moments ago. His tongue caresses yours as his hands reach under your skirt, palming your ass, kneading and squeezing the plump flesh in his grasp. With his hands holding a tight grip on your ass, he aids you in grinding on his covered bulge; your clothed core glides against the rough material, making you moan into his mouth.

With a slight change of angle, your clit brushes against his hardening cock, making you gasp while Bucky leaves open-mouth kisses underneath your jaw. His beard tickles and makes your skin feel tingly when he kisses down your neck.

“Hmm… that’s the spot, isn't it?”

“Y-yes.”

“Keep going, baby.” He mumbled against your collarbone while travelling his hands upwards, leaving you to take control of your hips as he danced his fingers on your waist. “Grind yourself on me, my pretty doll.”

You keep moving on him as he kisses and touches your flesh. Bubbling pleasure builds fast in the pit of your stomach, and you want to chase it, but you need his cock buried deep within you much more.

You stop and call his name, which makes him look up at you with a puzzling expression on his face.

“Why’d you stop?”

“I-I need you so bad.” You grab him through the jeans, making him groan as you palm and caress his cock through his pants. “I want your cock in me so bad.” You purr in his ear, grazing your lips on the shell of it, making him shiver against you while a growl vibrates in his throat.

Becoming impatient as well, he helps you with discarding your top, followed by swiftly unclasping your bra and letting it fall down your arms. His eyes widen when your breasts are exposed, muttering a curse as he takes in their beautiful curves. He’s quick to kiss down the centre, taking advantage of the newly bare skin. You moan and toss your head back as he licks each nipple and tugs at them, making you hiss at the dull pain and grip his dick firmly.

“I love how easy it is to get you so riled up, gorgeous.” His words tickled your skin as he kissed each breast before he got to work on removing this jumper while you undid his pants.

Once he was bare in front of your eyes, you took a minute to study his physique. Your eyes follow your finger as you trace every contour and dip of his chest and abs while he continues trailing his hands on your skin. You part your lips as your eyes fall on his cock, quickly taking him in your hand, making him groan. A glob of your spit falls on his tip, saliva coating his length as you stroke him in teasing motions.

Your lips find his again as he reaches under you and presses his fingers to your covered core, touching you through the soaked material. Yours and his groans and moans muffled into the kiss as you feel and tease each other.

He pulls your panties to the side and yanks your pelvis closer to him, desperate to feel you wrapped around him.

Once you’ve felt like you both had gotten enough of the teasing, you glide his tip through your messy and sticky folds before lining him up with your entrance. Slowly, inch by inch, you descend onto him, your walls hugging his length to perfection, making you and he sigh in satisfaction at finally being connected after so long.

Bucky was starting to become impatient, so he slammed you down the last few inches until you sat on him entirely, making you cry out at the force. He takes hold of your jaw tightly. “That’s it, baby. Right where you fucking belong on my cock and nowhere else.” He grunted against your lips as shivers ran down your spine at his assertion. “This is my little pussy, isn't it?” You nod yes as your eyes become heavy and your mind gets lightheaded with his whole cock sheathed inside you. “Be a good girl and ride me.”

Slowly, you start to rock back and forth on his cock, getting used to having him nestled deep within your walls. He grabs your ass in his hands, helping you move on him as he looks over every inch of your body, licking his lips at having you in such an intimate and personal way, looking so fucking gorgeous and sexy.

You wrap your arms around his neck for leverage as you move up and down on him in quick motions as sounds of pleasure escape your parted lips. “You feel so good inside me, baby.” You whimper against him as your lips brush. His tongue pokes out to swipe on your bottom one.

“You’re so fucking tight.” He gives your ass a harsh spank, making you yelp and jerk upwards till only his tip is inside you before he slams you right back down, your ass slapping his thighs. Continuing this movement rapidly till the only sound filling the car is skin on skin.

Due to your activities, it was starting to become hot and steamy in the car—the windows fogged up. Your glistening bodies moved effortlessly against each other due to the slickness.

All the sensations and stimulations of feeling every ridge of his cock and his tip brushing against your sweet spot, along with his fingers dancing and digging into your sensitive skin, has your face contour in pure pleasure as moans, groans, and whimpers from you both echo in the car.

After a short while, it was starting to become a bit difficult to move on him with the limited space, so Bucky reclined his seat backwards until he almost laid down flat, making it easier for you to ride him.

Placing your hands on his chest, you roll your hips on him, finding the perfect rhythm as your breasts dance along. Bucky trailed his hands all over your body, kneading and caressing your flesh, as his hungry, dark eyes took in your mesmerising form, licking his lips and muttering a curse. “Just like that, baby. God, you look amazing.” You were so appealing as you rode him, so sinful as you claimed his cock and soul for yourself.

His cock twitched against your fluttering walls as he produced a throaty groan when you ran your hands over your naked body. From your hips, up your waist, until they rest on your breasts, palming them in your grasp as you close your eyes and toss your head back. Your face presented pure pleasure as you got deeply lost in the sensations. “God, you’re so fucking sexy it’s unbelievable. That’s it, baby. Such a pretty girl for me.” The sound of his deep and husky voice praising you goes straight to your tingling clit, which Bucky finds a second later and circles with his thumb, making you convulse on top at the overstimulation.

All the sensations are so deliciously overwhelming that you find it hard to keep upright as your mind becomes foggy and your body becomes weak. You fall onto him and let him take charge.

He braces himself, holding your ass firmly in his grasp before he starts thrusting upwards in long and satisfying strokes, till his tip is inside and then forcing himself balls deep, having your cry against his lips as he keeps praising what a good girl you are for taking him all. Your orgasm builds rapidly, ready to snap and wreck you at any moment.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come, Bucky.” You bury your face in his neck, crying against him as you shut your eyes hard. With a few more quick thrusts, the coil in the pit of your stomach ruptures, sending you into a mind-blowing frenzy of nothing but overwhelming pleasure. You embrace the euphoric orgasm as it impacts every single nerve in your body, making you convulse against him as your pretty sounds runs free.

Bucky mumbles a low curse as his cock twitches, and his hips jerk unevenly. He wraps his strong arms around your torso as he holds you close. Not a second later, he spills his cum deep inside you, decorating your fluttering walls as he grunts and moans deeply.

You’ve never felt more satisfied and complete as he fills you up to the hilt with his cock and seed. While Bucky couldn’t imagine anything more remarkable than your tight and warm walls hugging his length.

Once he’s given a few more calm thrusts, ensuring you’ve both gotten everything out from your orgasm and you’re both fucked out and satisfied, he stills, nestling inside you where he belongs. You exhale a shaky breath as he cradles your face and makes you rest your forehead on his, your noses brushing. “You’re so good to me, baby.” He mumbles as he runs his hands up and down your clammy back, making you shiver at his electrifying touch.

His crystal blue eyes gazing into yours, displaying nothing but adoration for you, made you almost utter those three words you’ve been holding in. You even parted your mouth to say it, lips quivering, but instead, you crashed into him to stop yourself. You poured the love into the kiss instead, hoping he would understand as you moved your lips against his passionately. “I know, baby.” He whispered against you, knowing exactly what you were trying to say.

He caressed your cheek as he furrowed his eyebrows, looking intensely at you.

“You said earlier that you wanted me to be happy.” You nod your head yes. “Well, I am happy. When I’m here with you, I’ve never been happier.”

He smiled from ear to ear, eyes crinkling. It made you fall for him all over again. Your face beamed with happiness upon hearing that, making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. “I’m happy too, Bucky.”

He gives you a final sweet peck before you nuzzle your face in his warm and comforting chest, sighing in delightfulness as he strokes your arm and back lovingly. You stayed for a while longer, holding and cuddling each other, appreciating the last moment of your private and intimate alone time before you had to return to your everyday lives where you had to keep your relationship secret.

Thank you for reading 🖤 Feedback through a comment is highly appreciated! Or let me know through an anonymous ask if that feels more comfortable. As well as a reblog to share my work with other people!

[wroetospotterwp]

death eater x harry???? oR SOMEONE ELSE IDK AH

Dark Red

Pairing ✨: Harry Potter x Death Eater!Reader (Fem!) (also implies that reader isn’t in gryffindor n also set during OOTP)

Summary 💓: Y/N has been forced by her parents to follow in their footsteps and join the death eaters, it doesn’t help that her boyfriend is Harry Potter.

Word Count 🖊: 2,613

A/N 🗣: FIRST REQUEST FROM THE LEGEND HERSELF 🤌🤌 she first sent me an edit on tiktok and she was like idea, so we’ve went for it, also first song imagine! all the lyrics i’ll be using will be in italics but i’ve had to change pronouns to fit harry :)

Warnings ⚠️: swearing and made my heart ache a little, manipulation

Requested? 📮: yes! :)

Masterlist

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

The rain was pelting hard against the window in Y/N’s dorm, the loudness of the rain drops smashing against the glass had awoken the girl from her slumber. She sat up from bed and leaned against her headboard.

Rubbing her eyes, Y/N adjusted to the dim lighting in the room. Everything in her life was just perfect, her grades were good, she had lots of friends, and last but most definitely not least there was Harry.

They had been dating for over a year now and Y/N could see it lasting, what she felt with Harry was something so indescribable, but it made her so happy. The two of them distracted each other from their lives. Y/N helped him take his mind off He Who Must Not Be Named, and he distracted her from her parents.

Her parents did not approve of their relationship, and Y/N knew it probably had something to do with the fact they secretly supported Voldemort. But she hadn’t ever told him that, for the matter she hadn’t told many peoples.

Y/N was staring at the top of her bed, her stomach beginning to turn. This usually happened when she got a bad feeling. Y/N focused on trying to figure out what might happen, fail a test? Have an argument with someone?

Y/N thoughts were going fifty miles an hour that she didn’t hear her friend wake up next to her. “You look deep in thought.” She joked, Y/N turning to face her. “What’s the matter?” Her friend questioned.

Y/N let out a sigh. “Something bad is about to happen to me.” She mumbled, knowing how ridiculous it might have sounded.

“You’ve been listening to Trelawney too much.” Her friend brushed off with a smile, but it slowly dropped when she saw Y/N’s expression. “Come on Y/N, what could possible happen?”

“I don’t know what, but I feel it coming.” Y/N voiced her thoughts to her friend.

“Let’s do something to take your mind off this.” Her friend suggested. Y/N thought that be the best. Normally when she didn’t feel great, if she did something else to busy herself, the thought usually disappeared.

“Where are you planning to take me?” Y/N questioned, she got out of bed and collected her clothes that she would put on.

“I need to go down to Owlery, I promised to send my sister something from Zonko’s.” Her friend informed her, going into the toilet to get dressed.

Y/N decided to just get dressed in the dorm, the other three girls were fast asleep so she felt comfortable changing. The two girls them left the dormitory once they were ready and headed out their common room.

There wasn’t many students around the castle yet, but this was around the time many of them would be waking up. Many would wake up so thankful it was finally the weekend and they could have some sort of freedom.

Umbridge’s rule over the school was making many reach breaking point, there were new rules almost every day and it was completely turning Hogwarts into a prison. They weren’t allowed to do anything, couldn’t act like normal teenagers, she was determined to make everyone prim, proper and to not challenge the Ministry.

There only hope was Dumbledore’s Army, the only freedom they had. But Marietta Edgecombe had ratted them out, and they were all severely punished. Y/N felt sorry for Harry, it was all going so well and once they were caught, he blamed himself. Y/N tried to reassure her boyfriend that it wasn’t his fault, but she couldn’t get through to him.

In fact, the two of them hadn’t really spoken since Umbridge began giving them punishments, Harry was isolating himself and kept his distance. Y/N was missing him but sometimes he did this, so she decided to let him have a moment to himself and then he would be back to normal.

The girls eventually reached the Owlery, Y/N’s friend immediately heading to find her owl so she could send the products from Zonko to her sister. Y/N looked around at the different owls, but one caught her eye.

It was her parent’s owl. And it had a letter tied around their talon. Y/N untied the letter, about to read it until her friend appeared behind her.

“Has Y/N got a love note from Potter?” Her friend teased her.

“Parents owl.” Y/N informed her friend, who raised both brows. Y/N’s parents hadn’t really kept in contact with her much when she was at Hogwarts, so receiving a letter was unusual.

“What did they say?” Her friend questioned.

“I’m not sure, I haven’t read it yet.” Y/N replied, laughing slightly as she thought of something. “Might be so sad, might leave my nose running.”

“If it’s just to bring you down, ignore them.” Her friend reminded her, her arm wrapping around Y/N’s shoulder. “Let’s head back up, I’m starving.”

Y/N agreed, the two girls heading up the castle for breakfast. They entered the Great Hall and were about to sit at their own house table before Hermione waved them over.

“What’s that?” Hermione questioned immediately as they sat down in front of her, the girl’s two best friends were nowhere to be seen, but not unusual for them to be late for breakfast.

“Nosy are we, Hermione?” Y/N’s friend joked, Hermione playfully shrugged it off.

“It’s a letter from my parents.” Y/N told her, placing the unread letter onto the table.

“Oh.” Hermione mumbled, most people knew what Y/N’s parents were like, she had either told them or heard Harry’s complaints about they didn’t approve of him and the relationship. “Is everything alright?”

“I haven’t read it yet. I will after I have something to eat.” Y/N replied, scanning the table to try and find something to eat. “Where’s the toast?” Her friend reaching and grabbing a piece of toast for Y/N.

The three girls just quietly ate breakfast for a while and enjoyed each other’s company, Ron tiredly stumbled towards them. “Nice of you to finally join us Ronald.” Hermione greeted as he sat down beside her.

“Hermione, I was exhausted.” Ron huffed, grabbing as much food as he could onto his plate, he always acted like he barely eats.

“You always are.” Hermione mumbled under her breath, going back to eating some porridge.

“Where’s Harry?” Y/N blurted out, poor Ron had been harassed by her since Harry started to isolate himself. Ron most definitely knew more than she did.

“Still getting ready, mate.” Ron spoke with his mouth full, Hermione pulling a face and scoffing. “I think he’s alright today, you know, I’d have a chat with him today.” He suggested.

“Thanks Ron.” Y/N smiled, finishing what she was having. Her eyes caught the letter again, she really didn’t want to open it but she was also desperate to find out what they want. With a quiet sigh, she picked up the letter and began to read it.

Dear Y/N,

We hope you are well at Hogwarts, Umbridge seems to finally be turning that school around for the better, I’m sure you’d agree.

Well you would have when you were younger.

We miss our old Y/N, always following the rules and in our footsteps. But every since you started to attend Hogwarts with that daft old man as your head teacher, you changed.

And of course that boyfriend of yours didn’t help either, just like his father, always in trouble. Poor Lily should’ve saved herself.

As you know, the Dark Lord is back. You know how we always felt towards him, but we fear he will target us because of your choices. Many have heard he won’t accept us, because of your closeness to Potter.

He may come after us Y/N, we need you back on our side. Otherwise we’re all dead, you don’t want Potter finding out you’ve been killed by him? He can’t lose another loved one to the Dark Lord.

Write back to us as soon as you can, we can guide you along the way.

All the best,

Mum and Dad.

Y/N eyes began to well up, she knew that feeling from this morning meant something, but for it to be this bad? How on earth she was meant to tell Harry this? “Everything alright?” Her friend put a hand Y/N’s shoulder, the latter had completely forgot where she was at the moment.

“I need to go.” Y/N informed them, quickly jumping up from the bench.

“What did they say to you?” Hermione questioned, but Y/N didn’t answer her. The girl made her way from the hall, eyes trained on the floor to avoid any eye contact from her friends. But that made it difficult to watch where she was going.

Y/N crashed right into someone. “I’m sorry.” She quickly apologised as she refused to look up, she just wanted to go back into her dorm room.

“Y/N?” A voice she could instantly recognise.

“I can’t talk right now, Harry.” Y/N rushed past him, she needed to think what she was going to tell him, if she was going to tell him.

“I just hope he don’t want to leave me.” She mumbled to herself.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

It had been a few weeks and Y/N hadn’t said a word to anybody, her and Harry had completely switched places. She was the one isolating herself, trying to decide what to do. Ignore what her parents said, stay with her boyfriend and friends and hope to God nothing happens to them. Or risk listening to her parents, and possibly lose her relationships at Hogwarts?

She had been exchanging letters between her parents in the meantime to see what she needed to do, and it seemed to be to just join them at the Ministry, which didn’t seem so bad. Her parents worked high up for the Ministry anyway, so as long as they gave her permission to leave, Umbridge would let her.

Y/N had pretended to stay asleep until the rest of her dorm mates left, including her friend, before eventually getting up. The feeling in her chest was back from before, the one she got before her parents letter. “Something bad is about to happen to me.” She sadly mumbled, even the weather had mirrored her emotions, it was a dreary day, grey skies and gloom surrounded the castle.

Y/N fidgeted with her hands as she thought what would happen, anxiety fuelling her veins. “Why I feel this way? I don’t know…” She took a deep breath. “Maybe-“

The dorm door opened and revealed Y/N’s friend. “What the fuck is going with you?” She demanded. “What did they say to you to make you like this?”

“It’s complicated.” Y/N brushed off, should she tell her? She did tell her friend everything and maybe it would be good to have some advice.

After some deep breaths and forcing tears to stop falling, Y/N confessed to her friend everything. By the end of it, her friend was in complete shock, face contorting from confusing, to anger, to annoyance.

“And I just don’t know what to do about Harry.” Y/N sadly mumbled. “I think of him so much it drives me crazy.”

“Y/N, this is bad.” Her friend managed to stammer out.

“I just don’t want him to leave me.” Y/N cried, finally allowing the tears to fall.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N.” Her friend snapped. “Of course he will. Joining the people who support the being who killed his parents?” She raised a brow. “I’d definitely forgive you.” Sarcastically she finished.

“But he knows what my parents are like.” Y/N countered.

“I don’t think he’ll care.” Her friend pointed out, deep down Y/N knew the same, Harry would be extremely hurt by this. “How the fuck are you gonna get out this?”

“I don’t know.” Y/N shrugged. “You Know Who will kill them if I don’t help them.”

“Are you forgetting who your boyfriend is?” Her friend raised a brow.

Oh yeah, it would be completely fair on Harry to force him to protect her family. “Like he’s gonna show mercy.” Y/N huffed. “Harry was with Cedric and look what happened, he wants Harry and to just kill who gets in his way.”

It was silent for a moment, neither of them knew what to say. “What are you gonna tell him?” Her friend quietly spoke up, Y/N didn’t say anything. Her friend’s mouth fell open and eyes widened at Y/N’s lack of an answer. “You need to tell him.”

“And say what?! Sorry, I need to go help my Death Eater parents and probably do something for You Know Who.” Y/N snapped.

“I don’t know how to help you.” Her friend awkwardly mumbled.

Y/N knew she couldn’t. She was now trapped with no escape.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Y/N was at the Ministry with her parents, she still had no idea what they were doing or why they needed her, but it wasn’t as bad as she thought. The family got into an elevator and started to head down a few floors.

“Now, whatever you do, don’t talk.” Her mum warned her before the elevator stopped, the girl nodded and they walked out as the doors opened. Y/N could see Draco Malfoy’s father and another woman with curly black hair.

“Did it work?” Y/N’s father asked Lucius.

“I believe so.” Lucius replied, nobody really taking notice to Y/N.

“I can’t wait to meet him.” The black haired woman cackled.

“Now, now, Bellatrix. We have to leave him for the Dark Lord.” Lucius reminded her, the woman huffing dramatically. Y/N’s eyes widened, oh how she was praying they weren’t taking about Harry.

Please don’t be talking about Harry.

“What if he’s fine?” Y/N thought to herself. “It’s my mind that’s wrong. And I just let bad thoughts linger for far too long.”

“We’re going in. Have your wand ready.” Her dad whispered to her. They walked through a door with a handle in the middle into a huge room filled with crystal balls. She couldn’t study them for long before being dragged into the darkness.

The door had opened again a few minutes later, but Y/N couldn’t see who had walked in, only dragged by her parents deeper into the room.

“They should be here!” Harry’s voice was heard, Y/N’s heart dropping to her stomach. Why did he have to come here?

“Harry? It’s got your name on it.” Neville informed him.

“Follow Lucius.” Her mum whispered in her ear, Y/N reluctantly following him, who was now wearing a Death Eater mask.

“Harry!” Here it goes, Y/N kept back from Lucius as the group’s wands lit up the path, she desperately wanted to stay hidden and they would never know she was here.

“Where’s Sirius and Y/N?” Harry demanded as Lucius approached him.

“How fortunate we are to have Y/N right with us.” You could hear the smirk in Lucius’ voice, Y/N wanted to run and escape, but how could one girl manage to escape four Death Eaters?

“What are you talking about?” Harry angrily asked.

“Come on Y/N, don’t be shy.” Lucius gestures for her to come forward. Slowly and painfully, the girl got closer to Harry and the words kept repeating in her head.

“Don’t you give me up. Please don’t give up.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

thank you so much to @drearyxo for being my first request!! i hope this was class enough for you, no hate comments from you 🙄🙄

I HAVE TO SAY I LOVED WRITING THIS SO MUCHHHHH DEFO A FAVE i think you all know by now i’m definitely better at the dialogue part then anything else, but i’m quite proud of it all today :)

there could be a part two to this??? maybe, depends if people want it

hope you enjoyed!!

Taglist: @malfoysstilinski @drearyxo @just-a-bittersweet-tragedy @fizzleberries

[fireheartbuzzard]

electric love

day twenty-nine: a work based on a song

author’s note: i thought of this while i was attending mass lol. sorry jesus. also, it’s been so long lmao. again, i’ve been busy with college apps and assignments for the ib diploma program so i couldn’t get the time to work on the writing i wanted to put out for rowaelin month. and, i know it’s really late, but i still do plan on posting the ones that i had ideas for because i was really excited about this. so stay tuned, but the next one might come out in another two/three months lmaooo. anyway, hope y’all enjoy this one <3

content warning: no editing

word count: 1.4k 

~

Aelin’s heart was thumping so loudly, she feared that the silver-haired man she loved sitting right next to her could hear it. She was about to do something risky, however, she couldn’t help but think that everything would go perfectly fine, because it always did, only with Aelin, of course. If all went well, then she’d have the man of her dreams. And if all went wrong, then Aelin would lose that man, and Aelin was not a quitter nor a loser. 

Aelin figured Rowan would’ve left her by now if he’d truly been annoyed by all of her pranks, but Aelin couldn’t resist pulling pranks on her perfectly unsuspecting friend who had no social media or didn’t use the ones he did have. All the pranks Aelin pulled on Rowan for her TikTok page had been somewhat risky, but none had been as risky as this, none of them put her friendship with him on the line. However, this thing Aelin was about to do has been long overdue; the tension between her and Rowan has been driving Aelin crazy and finally became too much for Aelin to bear. 

The other night, Rowan had placed his warm hand on her thigh at a reasonable spot for friends, stroking her thigh throughout the duration of the movie they were watching together causing Aelin to be squirming throughout the whole movie. And, Aelin was sick of using her own hands at night when they could’ve belonged to the man she fantasized about every night, which was exactly why Aelin had decided to throw all caution out the window and take this risk. 

Rowan and Aelin were both finishing up dinner at her kitchen island, him coming straight to her place after work to spend some time with her before leaving and turning in for the night. Before Rowan had arrived, Aelin had already propped her phone up on her sugar jar. But, Aelin didn’t start the video until they were washing their dishes, the music blaring into the quiet ambiance of Aelin’s cozy home. 

Baby, you're like lightning in a bottle

“Are you filming another TikTok?” Rowan asked as he turned from his spot in front of the sink, wiping his hands with the hand towel on the counter. His left brow was quirked, making him look inquisitive and absolutely handsome to Aelin. Aelin could only nod in response as she nervously peeked at him before looking back at her phone. 

I can't let you go now that I got it

Aelin knew she looked awkward on camera right now, which was never an occurrence with her. However, with her heart palpitating and her hands shaking, Aelin knew it was too late to turn back now. A glance at Rowan had Aelin scrambling to gather her wits before she lost them; he was staring deeply at her, brows furrowed together and face in deep thought, like he was trying to connect the dots.  

And all I need is to be struck

Aelin braced herself, turning slightly to weakly smile at Rowan and brace herself for the inevitable. Rowan only smirked in return, pine green eyes somehow twinkling in the yellow glow of the kitchen light. Aelin took the remaining steps toward Rowan, stopping in front of him before the song hit its crescendo.

By your electric love (Ohh)

Just when Aelin looked into Rowan’s beautiful eyes, his lips had smashed onto hers. Shocked, Aelin could only stare wide-eyed at him as she tried to process the moment. Rowan’s warm hands grabbed her face, tilting her head up a bit allowing Rowan to deepen the kiss as Aelin’s eyes started to close. And when Aelin started moving her lips, following his movements, Rowan let out a low groan that reverberated through Aelin’s lips, which in turn, caused her to let out a small gasp. 

Taking in the essence of Rowan, Aelin could only focus on the smell and taste of him; his lips firm, yet soft at the same time, his pine and snow scent dominating her nostrils. Aelin’s lips moved in tandem with his, her hands moving to cradle one side of his face and to grip the silver hair at the back of his head and when Rowan let out another low groan, Aelin couldn’t help but grip his hair tighter. 

Aelin felt Rowan slowly start moving, pushing her towards the kitchen counter and when Aelin leaned against it, Rowan’s hands trailed down from her face to her arms, leaving goosebumps in his wake. His hands trailed further down Aelin’s body, resting on her hips for a bit before moving to grab onto her ass, causing Aelin to let out a quiet moan. 

Out of breath, Aelin removed her lips from Rowan’s and hooked her leg onto his waist as he continued his kisses down her neck. Sensing Aelin’s intent, Rowan grabbed onto Aelin’s other thigh and hoisted her onto the counter, continuing his attack on her neck and lightly biting into the skin between her neck and shoulder. When Aelin immediately moaned louder, as if she couldn’t control herself, and tugged on his hair, Rowan trailed his way back to her lips. 

Aelin didn’t know how long they kissed for—minutes, hours, days—but when they finally broke apart, Aelin could still hear the music repeating itself on her phone as she stared into Rowan’s pine green eyes. Aelin still hadn’t been able to comprehend what had just happened, which must’ve shown on her face because Rowan let out a short laugh before gently smiling down at her, his dimples appearing on his cheeks. Aelin couldn’t help but lean up and kiss his dimples, causing them to deepen on his face when she pulled back. 

“What made you kiss me?” Aelin asked as she stared at his lips. 

Rowan hooked his finger under her jaw to draw her attention to his twinkling eyes before he replied, “I knew what you were doing.” 

Shellshocked, Aelin could only mutter, “W-what? How?” 

Rowan’s smile turned shy as his hand ran through his hair, “I got TikTok a couple of days ago and I came across this trend. I thought my ears were playing with me when I heard this song, but then I saw you position yourself and I knew that I had to do something to make you realize that I’m in love with you.” 

“You’re in love with me?” Aelin’s mouth was agape and Rowan laughed as he pushed Aelin’s mouth back together and pressed a small kiss to her lips. 

“Of course, I am, Fireheart. I’ve been in love with you since the day you punched that one kid for bullying me.” Rowan’s eyes sparkled with humor as he thought back to their high school days. 

Aelin smiled as she reached onto her tippy toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Well, I love you, Rowan. I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you,” Aelin whispered the words across his lips and kissed him again when she was done. 

Rowan reciprocated the kiss and pulled her tighter to him before cupping her face. However, Aelin abruptly pulled back. 

“Wait! Why did you get TikTok?” Aelin’s eyes narrowed, suspicion lingering in the depths of turquoise and gold. Rowan smiled awkwardly, ducking his face and avoiding Aelin’s eyes. This time, Aelin pulled Rowan’s face up with a finger under his chin, “Tell me,” her voice had no room for discussion. 

Rowan quietly rambled, “IgotittowatchvideosofyousinceyousaidthatyoualwayspostonTikTok.” His cheeks reddened as he continued explaining to Aelin. 

“What are you saying, Rowan? Speak louder.” 

“I said, I got it to watch videos of you because you told me that you always post on Tiktok.” Stunned, Aelin stared at Rowan for a long while before bursting into laughter. Rowan could only stick his face into the crevice between Aelin’s neck and shoulder and press a kiss to her neck before holding onto Aelin tightly, her melodious laughter ringing in his ears. 

When Aelin quieted down, she asked him, “Is that why you suddenly got Instagram a couple of years ago when I was always taking pictures?”

When Rowan slightly nodded, Aelin let out another peal of laughter before pulling Rowan’s head out from between her neck and shoulder and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Gods, I love you,” she whispered across his lips. 

“I love you, too,” Rowan grumbled as he continued kissing her long into the night.

[rere-the-writer]

Title- 'The Salvatore and The Mikaelson

Pairing- Elijah Mikaelson x Salvatore!Reader

Summary: You are the older sister of Damon and Stefan Salvatore and had came from England with your husband to visit. You meet Elijah Mikaelson the night you learned Katherine's dark secret.

A/N: An idea popped in my head and I ran with it.

You sighed looking at your husband who shrunk away from your cold stare you got from your father. You and your husband had to go stay with your father and brothers while your husband's family had to fix things in England when word got out he was having an affair with a lady of the night.

"My beloved, please stop staring at me."

"Don't James. We wouldn't be in this mess if you kept it in your pants." You said as the carriage stopped in front of the Salvatore home. Damon stood outside with Stefan both dressed in nice suits with a woman standing between them.

"I wasn't aware you both had an older sister."

"Careful Katherine, Y/N is a cold woman so try to make a good impression because she is every critical of any woman near me and Stef." Damon said as Stefan glared at Damon as Katherine watched the driver helped you out. You dressed in a beautiful navy blue dress your dark hair in a low bun two curls framing your face.

"Your sister is every beautiful." Katherine said watching you open your fan as James came out of the carriage. James was a small round man as Katherine thought you should have married a much more good looking man.

"Welcome Y/N, James."

"Stefan, Damon. Who is this?" You asked staring at Katherine with a cold calculated stared that reminded the boys of your father. You were protective of your brothers which was why Giuseppe had married you off believing you were too soft with your brothers.

"This is Katherine Pierce, she is staying with us for awhile. She has no where else to go." Stefan said knowing you were judging Katherine but noticed the soft glit in your eyes.

"Lovely. James and I are only stay until next summer."

"Well me and Stef missed you sis." Damon said with a smile as you all went inside. That evening Katherine noticed how you seemly stayed near your brothers and them doing the same.

"Lady Salvatore, Stefan says you are a novelist." Katherine says sipping her tea as your eyes settled on her while your brothers were playing ball with your husband.

"Yes I am. Have you read them?"

"Why yes. But I must say I'm surprised a woman like yourself would write such scandalous things." Katherine said as you smirked sipping your own tea.

"We women do have fantasies of a handsome tall dark stranger to steal us away at night. To ravish us like no other can."

"Yes but your husband."

"My husband wouldn't know how to please a woman unless he pays for it." You said watching James fall face first and Damon burst out laughing while Stefan helped him.

"But vampires?"

"We all crave the darkness Miss Katherine." You tell her standing up to go help James while Katherine stared at you. A week into your stay you learned Katherine's secret. It was a late night as you woke feeling the bed was cold and noticed your husband was gone.

"I swear to God." You groaned getting out of bed putting on a dressing robe and went looking for James. You lit a candle walking out to the quiet hallway when you heard James moaning and realized it was coming from Katherine's room.

"James you piece of......." You stopped seeing Katherine on top of James with a bloody mouth. Katherine looked at you seeing you drop the candle before running.

You knew you couldn't tell Damon and Stefan, they were in town with your father for the night. You decided to run for it not before grabbing your vervain as Katherine caught you and was going to bite you. You smashed the bottle of vervain against her face making her let you as you got up running out into the cold night.

You were panting as you ran having grabbed a wooden stake on your way out. It was freezing as you could see your breath crying out when Katherine grabbed you by your hair throwing you down.

"I was going to let you live Y/N. But you ran and going to tell them about me." Katherine said tilting your head getting ready to bite you.

"Don't worry I'll make it pa......" You cut Katherine off when you stabbed her in the abdomen. You pushed her off when the vampire fell over and you got up running once again. Katherine growled pulling out the stake pissed off but impressed with how much you were fighting.

You screamed when an arm came around your waist and pulled back against a strong chest.

"Careful there." You heard a smooth voice say as you looked up your breathing hitched seeing a every handsome man staring down at you with warm mocha eyes.

"You're hurt." The man said as you realized that Katherine had hurt you as your side was bleeding. The man bit his wrist holding it up to you and you were confused. You ylep when he pressed his wrist to your mouth forcing you to drink his blood healing you.

"Elijah?!" You heard Katherine and you tensed in Elijah's hold as he calmly looked up pulling his wrist from your mouth.

"Katerina, I've been looking for you."

"I'm aware but I would like Lady Salvatore back." Katherine said as you gripped Elijah's arm and he picked up on your racing heart.

"You're going to kill her."

"She caught me. She knows too much I can't risk it."

"Why not compel her?" Elijah asked as you realized he was a vampire and tried to get away from him but Elijah held you tighter.

"Drinks vervain. Death is my only option." Katherine said as you managed to break away from Elijah falling to the ground. Katherine grabbed you making you cry out.

"Katerina, don't hurt her. What if I took her? Help cover your tracks." Elijah says watching Katherine hold your neck as you teared up scared.

"Sorry Elijah I can't risk it." Katherine said snapping your neck and dropped your body leaving. Elijah frowned walking over picking up your body taking you back to the inn he was staying in.

You woke up with gasp noticing you were in a man's shirt and in a warm bed. Elijah walked in carrying a tray with a glass of red liquid.

"Good morning Lady Salvatore."

"You're the man from last night....but Katherine killed me."

"I'm Elijah Mikaelson, you had my blood in your system. You are in transition if you don't drink this blood you'll die." Elijah tells you as you stared and took the glass drinking it taking the first step in forever.

Elijah had became your friend, Sire and now husband as you were now 181 years old and it felt weird being back in Mystic Falls. You walked down the street as you hadn't really changed as you were still bit of a cold woman.

"Stefan?" Elena asked as seeing the vampire stopping and followed his line of sight seeing you standing in front of a floral shop.

"That is my sister."

"I thought Katherine killed her like you said?" Elena said following after Stefan when he headed for you.

"So did I."

"Hello Stefan." You say when you looked up seeing your baby brother then your eyes landed on Elena. Elijah had told you about the doppelganger as you both got to town.

"How are you?"

"Alive? I was turned like you by my husband."

"James was a vampire?" Stefan asked confused as you laughed lightly.

"No, my Sire is my husband. Katherine killed James the night she thought she killed me."

"Wait who is....."

"Hello Stefan, Elena. I hope you both aren't bothering my wife." Elijah says walking up standing by you kissing your hand as you blushed still not used to Elijah being affectionate with you.

"You turned my sister!" Stefan growled angry as you stepped between them eyes narrowed at Stefan.

"If he hadn't I would be dead. Elijah tried saving me from Katherine." You tell your brother as Stefan looked between you and Elijah.

"Let's go Elena. I need to tell Damon." Stefan said leaving with Elena as You frowned. Elijah placed a hand on your waist.

"Don't worry dear. We should get going, mother is planning a ball."

"Alright. It has been awhile since I went to a ball." You tell Elijah hoping that it will go well with Damon.

[pansyslut]

my daisy

draco x reader

summary: draco falls in love with his pen pal and when she transfers to hogwarts he becomes even more infatuated than ever

warnings: smut towards the end (innocent kink, skirt kink, thigh riding, praise, spanking)

a/n: well some of you *cough cough* (@futuremrsfelton20 @ch0kemedracomalfoy @yellowsuitcase @fa-me) have been waiting for this and i really hope it’s to your liking. y’all’s comments and messages had me laughing so hard you don’t even know. if y’all want a less fluffy version i would happily oblige.

you had been lingering in dracos mind for quite some time now. over the past few months, you and draco had been writing letters to each other for your writing class. it was only supposed to last a month but both of you quickly became accustomed to writing to each other, always looking towards the window waiting for the next letter to arrive.

he had instantly become intrigued by you and everything you had to say. at the beginning, the letters were short and to the point, only really doing them to receive a grade. but later on, you started sending little things in the letters. pictures, flowers, small gifts.

three weeks into the letters, you decided to send a picture of yourself to him. he kept complaining about not being able to put the name to a face even though it was just his curiosity getting the best of him.

dear draco,

you have been pestering me about this for far too long and i’ve finally decided to give in. i promised you i wasn’t some old hag with warts all over my face and i hope i’m to your liking.

p.s. please don’t take that last part too seriously. merlin knows you don’t need another ego boost :)

fondly,

y/n

draco had starred at your picture much longer than he had liked to admit. you stand there in a small green plaid skirt, knitted matching green cardigan, with a white crop top underneath, and your hair pulled back with a slim headband. the picture shows you standing there with a radiant smile he couldn’t seem to get out of his head.

after immediately writing you back and giving you an array of compliments, he sends you back a picture as well. along with an enchanted white daisy.

my dearest daisy,

i wish i could tell you you looked like an ogre and throw a handful of insults at you but i would be lying to myself. thankfully, we aren’t talking in person so you didn’t have to see my starring at you in disbelief. to say the least, you are a sight for sore eyes. i would be lucky to ever be able to see you in person. i hope you like the flower. my mother sent it to me from her garden and it reminded me of you.

fondly,

draco

the thing you didn’t know, and what draco had decided was best to leave out, was that the flower was in fact from his mother’s enchanted garden but she sent it specifically for you. draco had told her about you and his mothers sent him the flower with a message saying- so you can woo the girl.

you held his picture in one hand and the flower in another. although you would like to say otherwise, the boy is beyond handsome. and charming as well even though you’d never admit that in your letters.

this goes on for months. you continue to write back and forth until your mother came to you with news saying you would be switching school for the second semester.

saying something along the lines of, “this school holds a hand full of fine young witches like yourself. this is for the best.”

you immediately thought of draco. he wouldn’t know where to write you and you would never hear from you again. quickly, you pull out your pen and paper to message him.

as soon as draco read your message he was filled with joy. he had a pit of anxiety bubbling up in his stomach and his head couldn’t help but run through ideas. what if she doesn’t like me? what if she’s disappointed and realizes she never knew the person she was messaging all along?

his mind was filled with these kind of thoughts for days. he had written you back saying that he attended that school but never recieved an answer. he assumed you were too busy packing or were already on your way.

it wasn’t until a week later while sitting in the dinning hall that he saw you. you walked in in your new uniform and was in awe. with the outfit similar to your picture, you had on a small plaid skirt and knee high socks and draco couldn’t help but have his mind filled with dirty images of you.

watching you walk to your table, you plop down next to a group of students and give them a warm smile. they immediately bombard you with questions and you answer them politely and make conversation. draco watched you across the room in facination. of course she’s all polite and sweet and looks like that.

deciding against talking to you, he scuries off to his room. scolding himself for being some shy boy when that is the total opposite of who he is. interrupting his thoughts, blaise and crabbe walk in talking amongst themselves.

“she’s a total babe, man. i hope she’s at that party tonight,” blaise says peaking dracos interests. if you were at this party then that would give draco an opportunity to talk to you without seeming like some love struck stalker.

after combing his hair back and trying to make himself look as presentable as possible, he makes his way to the party. trying not to immediately look for you, he decided to take a drink or two to help him calm down.

that drink or two turned into three or four and as he sits on the couch he realizes how much he accidentally drank. as the tipsy buzz washes over him he feels someone wrap a hand around his shoulder. “you look much more relaxed,” he hears someone whisper in his ear. looking up, he’s met with y/e/c eyes as you look down on him with a small smile on your face.

“daisy,” he whispers more to himself. plopping down onto the couch, you sit directly next to him enough to feel the warmth radiating from his body. “it’s good to finally see you dray.”

“it’s good to see you too. i cant believe you’re actually here,” he replies. after that your conversation flows smoothly. your banter was like no other and throughout the night you seemed to scooch closer to him as the hours pass. eventually ending up in his lap, you continue the conversation uneffected.

with his hands holding your thighs, he can’t help but look at your body infatuated. not only were you as sweet as you looked but you probably tasted just as sweet, he thought to himself. you babbled on about your classes and new friends you’ve made while totally blind to the fact of dracos hardness. his whole body was embarrassingly needy for you. and as the nights moves on and you both have more and more drinks, he tries his best to prepare himself to actually make a move on you.

ultimately, you ended up closer to him on his lap, almost directly onto his growing buldge. caressing your thigh all nights, you’ve grown impatient. leaning down to his ear and pressing your chest suggestively on his, “when are you going to take the hint and fuck me,” you ask looking down at him with an innocent look on your face.

“you little vixen... and to think i thought you were all sweet and pure.” you smile down at him as his hands cup your ass pulling you down onto him more. he imitates your previous actions, pressing his lips to your ear, “why don’t we go back to my room, daisy?”

nodding your head, he hoists you up and carries you all the way back to his room. while he holds you, you press your center directly on top of his and grind yourself against him, thanking that because of the late hour no one was out of their rooms. kissing up and down his neck, occasionally biting or sucking his ear, you were too caught up with yourself to notice you now stood in the common room.

he sits on the sofa while you continue to grind in his lap. he groans softly, “you have no idea how much i’ve thought about doing this to you.” you did have an idea. because you had been thinking the exact same thing for over a month.

placing you on one of his thighs, he slides his hands up your skirt. “ride my thigh baby,” he says in your ear. he didn’t have to tell you twice before you started moving your hips on his thigh as he starts to bounce it. trying to get more and more pressure on your clit, you can’t help but let out a breathy moan and totally forgetting that you are basically in a public place.

while bouncing his thigh, he sporadically sends slaps to your ass in encouragement. “look at my innocent daisy getting herself off at the thought of me,” he says teasingly. his words sending you over the edge, you come all over his thigh, moaning in his ear. with your head now laying in the crook of his neck, “y/n i can say confidently that that is the hottest thing i have ever seen.”

“do you think you can take more?” he asks while kissing the side of your forehead. nodding, he hoists you up once more and leans you over a table. flipping your skirt up, he takes in the sight of you and licks his lips. “merlin y/n you’re wet.”

greedily pushing your ass against his cock, you moan impatiently. “draco i need you,” you admit sheepishly. “you need me to what, darling? use your words,” he says trying to egg you on. “i need you to fuck me,” you reply breathlessly.

that was all he needed to hear before plunging into you. he had had this fantasy play in his mind too many times to count and now here you are, bent over a desk displaying your ass to him with that tiny skirt of yours.

taking ahold of your hair, he pounds into you again and again. slapping your ass, he watches your cheeks turn tomato red with his handprint forming. both of your moans had grown uncontrollable as you scream each other’s names.

he pulls you up by your hair and smashes his lips on yours. “you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting to do that,” he admits, leaning his forehead on yours.

taking your hand, he leads you back to his room and begins to undress you. this time, his actions were soft and domestic rather than sexual. leaving you in your bra and panties, he shoves one of his tshirts over your head and holds you by your waist, dragging you to his bed.

he holds you in his arms while your breathing synchronizes. huffing, “y/n i don’t want you to think that i only want you for your body or- or that sex is all that this is. i want more. you’ve meant more than that for months, daisy.”

you look up at him and meet his grey eyes in the darkness. scooting up closer to him and laying your head in his neck you whisper, “i want that too.”

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi days! I know you're the best person to go to for some NH fic recommendations. Can you share with us really angsty NH fics? I've read White Lillies, that amount of angst is revitalizing I LOVE IT!!! big thanks!!!

HELLO

For how fluffy NaruHina is, there SURE ARE A LOT of shippers who LOVE NARUHINA ANGST.  I’ve been asked for angst recs far more than any other type????

I will now compile every angst fic rec I’ve ever made into one long list.  (folks can see if there’s anything I’ve missed 🤓)

NARUHINA ANGST

“A Place In The Sun” by ihaveastorminme - Rated M for smut and depictions of violence, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto realizes that he’s not enough to love her.  He’s not enough to save her, either.

“A Fate Worse than Death” by Caelestia - Rated M for smut, ABO Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto, improperly socialized and traumatized as a child, rejects his inner Alpha, which has devastating consequences on his family and marriage.  “A Risky Bet” is its fluffier follow-up.

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night.  Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it. Angst if you want to know what dying feels like warning.

“if this is love (why does it hurt?)” by ClairvoyantDreamer1011 - Rated M, Friends with benefits Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata knew many things about Naruto Uzumaki. She knew that his heated glances meant ‘I want you’; that lingering touches whispered 'please’, and that the sight of his back to her screamed 'leave’. But she couldn’t tell you what they were to each other for the life of her.

“If You Said You Loved Me” by destiny’s sweet melody - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto begins to realize he took her feelings for granted and now he’s too late.

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto and Hinata are married.  So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Why would innocent little Hinata be out dressed like that?” (One-shot) and its follow-up “On Any Given Day” (Long One-Shot) by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent. Hinata tries to move on from Naruto, right when he realizes he wants to keep her.

“For the Future” by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata understands this better than anyone else. Naruto is easy to love.  (I actually just hate the ending a lot.  That’s what puts this on the list).

“Gilded Butterflies” by Kid Crisis - Rated M for depictions of violence, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Tenshi, beautiful prostitute of the Villa, realized from a very young age that people seem to do nothing but empty her, and not even Naruto seems capable of convincing her otherwise.

“Serenity Prayer” by @katarinahime - Rated M for smut, substance abuse, PTSD, and depictions of domestic violence and non-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

“Common Side Effects” (Naruto’s POV) by @katarinahime & “Medicated” (Hinata’s POV) by @szajnie - Rated E for smut, substance abuse, mental illness, and depictions of violence, self-harm, and attempted suicide, Crime/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

“In Another Life” by theGeneralissimo - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. In which Naruto listens to his mother’s advice and marries a girl like her. And lives to regret it.

“Mistake” by Cherry1315 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto falls apart, and, unfortunately, Hinata has to pick up the pieces.

“Until the Day I Love” by BluBlooThalassophile - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Everyone is recovering from the war.

“Hidden From Sunlight” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. How different could Naruto’s life be when the girl that seemed 'barely around’ is truly hardly around at all?

“Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M for depictions of violence and character death, Mystery/Crime High School/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control. DELETED FIC.

“21 Days” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E includes dub-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Anonymous internet friends decide to meet up IRL and give each other their first times.

“April - Too Late/Missed Opportunities” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, College/Modern AU, One-shot. After her 3 years away for college, Naruto decides to confess.

“June - Honor/Sacrifice” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto marries Hinata, the girl of his dreams.  If only she loved him back.

“you totally almost killed me that one time (it’s okay I still love you)” by @itachiboutit - Rated G, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Naruto, a promising baseball player, returns to Konoha Prep, and, without so much as even a “long time no see,” hits a ball into Hinata’s face. (This isn’t really angsty…but I get really upset in Ch. 4 and cry a lot every time.)

“Because I Love You” aka “Arranged Marriage AU Take 2″ (Same fic) by @magmawrites - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. A canon divergent fic in which The Last never happened and Hinata Hyuga was promised to another.

“Asylum AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. What’s to say what’s real and what isn’t? The only thing that’s valid and true in all universes is their love for one another.

“Dreaming of AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M for implied suicide, Modern AU, One-shot. Naruto dreams of her. He grows to love her. Dreams are nice. Too bad reality is a nightmare. (Most likely a continuation of the Asylum AU.)

“Memory Loss AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. I LOVE YOU. Will I ever hear those words from your lips again?

“The Path We Walk” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. With his memory of the past five years missing, Naruto never expected to be married to Hinata, and now he must navigate through the maze that is their life together with no memory of how he got there.

“Easier For Me” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Two-shot, Complete. How will Hinata handle waking up with no memory of how she got there?

“My Escape” by @marimare-writes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto wakes up from a coma with no recollection of life after graduating the Academy. Hinata, anxious and with a secret that will change both of their lives, struggles with what to do.

“Consolation Prize: Through Her Distorted Mirror” by mysterious intentions - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Her love is taken lightly, as if her heart could change so easily.

“Good Luck” By LovelyLori - Rated T, Flowers/Ballet AU, Two-Shot, Complete. A Japanese ballet company arrives in Naruto’s town.  Can love transcend language barriers? (I spent HOURS looking for this one, it totally breaks my heart.)

“On the outside looking in” by @char-lotteral - Rated E for smut, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto’s in love with his best friend’s girlfriend fiancee.  And he’s not moving on.

“Sincerely, Uzumaki Naruto” by @bkgsbby​ - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. After his wife leaves him a week after giving birth to their son, Naruto moves back to Konoha. He adjusts to life as a single father, with the help of his friends and surprisingly, his old crush.

“Road to Redemption” by averagejane497 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto’s made a lot of mistakes in his life, especially concerning the women he loves. Maybe this time he can get it right.

“You’re the One” by AnimeloverNUMBA100 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. After 4 desperate years, Hinata finally asked Naruto out. He decides to give her a chance, but his feelings for Sakura has never faded. Hinata is slowly losing hope as time goes on…and she soon chooses to leave him.

Untitled by @randomprose - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Prompt: Hinata finds out that Naruto told Minato that Sakura is his girlfriend.

“Jitters” by ncfan - Rated T, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. He has her heart but he doesn’t even know it.

“The Red Umbrella” by ncfan - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. As the rain hits her, Hinata thinks about what she doesn’t have, and what she’ll never have now.

“Duplicity” by GoldKing - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Uzumaki Sakura wants to know why Hinata’s children are blond.

“My Favorite Night” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata harbors deeper feelings for Naruto after three years of being his roommate. When he starts dating Sakura, Hinata decides it’s in her heart’s best interest to turn the other way, and leaves Naruto for good with a heart-breaking secret in tow.

“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which…Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.

“Blurred Lines” by @vegebulsoup - Rated E, Police / Cops and Robbers Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Detective Naruto Uzumaki is having a hard time staying focused at work due to an elusive, dark-haired beauty.  (Starts off fun and smutty, grows angsty).

“I want you to cry” and its sequel “Road of Tears” by Devahhole - Rated E for graphic murder, dub-con/non-con, and smut, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A sociopath blinded by revenge runs into his greatest opponent.

“Absolute” by @ssa25 - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. She was his kind, shy and innocent friend. Until she wasn’t. He was her pure, beautiful and unrequited love. Until he wasn’t.

I’m very glad that you enjoyed my “White Lilies” fic!!  Here’s everything I could think of for you to cry or stress out over.

SAD READING 😢