#I love working with live animals even if they can be somewhat frustrating at times

[izvmimi]

stubborn - izuku x reader

cw: infidelity as a topic, escalating mind games, jealousy, tbh toxic behavior but it’s okay cuz uwu, fem!reader, smut (oral female receiving, use of the word ‘brat’, penetrative sex). 5.6k words. summary: izuku is as good at playing games as you are, or is he? a/n: a repost!

Izuku is far too placid when in the midst of an argument, you blurt out that you’re officially done with him. 

In fact, there’s the ghost of a smile that flickers on his features, and you know that smile. It’s the same smile he gives you when he teases you, especially when he’s balls deep inside you and you’re whining about how little more you can take while he coos and reminds you that you can give him just a little more room, the same way you’ve done many times before, right? 

It’s the smile that signals that he is in no way taking you seriously, that he knows you are completely and utterly wrapped. Your teeth clench and so do your fists.

“Midoriya.”

His eyebrows raise. From his vantage point, you look as cute as usual, eyebrows knit together and lips twisted into a snarl. It reminds him somewhat of an angry prey animal, he thinks, and he’s resisting the urge to pat you on the head.

“Yes, baby?”

He makes the mistake of widening his grin as he says this and defeated, you let out a cry of frustration, blood rushing to your ears and heart thumping as you rush out of the living room. There’s a loud slam that sounds once you’ve reached the bedroom and the hero is left alone to consider his actions. 

Izuku tolerates a lot from you, he thinks. It doesn’t mean he thinks he’s always right and does manage to begrudgingly accept his shortcomings, but the jealousy, the mood swings, and the neediness can sometimes get to him, even if they’re flaws you wear cutely. Giving you a moment to simmer down and letting the argument replay in his head, he lets out a sigh and settles on the couch to take off his boots. If you were out here, you’d complain about getting his sweaty suit off your furniture, but you’re not here, are you?

Izuku doesn’t think too much of the situation until he’s fully showered and knocks on the door to change into comfortable pajamas, only to find that the door is unlocked, you are laying on your stomach with your feet kicking, positively giddy, and in deep focus on your phone. Thinking that the argument has dissipated - you’re never mad at him for more than a couple hours anyway - he lets himself approach and decides against laying his entire weight on top of you, instead choosing to lay behind you, eyes on your form. You’re pretending you don’t even notice him.

“What’s got you giggling so much?” He finally asks, curiously turning to the side and resting his head on your shoulder. You don’t move sharply, instead allowing yourself to support the weight.

“I’m finding my replacement.”

He holds in a sigh that nearly rattles his bones.

“You can’t be serious.”

At that, you turn immediately, eyes wide, classic crazy look in your eyes. He purses his lips. 

You are definitely serious.

Before he can even begin to reason you, you excitedly show your phone to him, scrolling through a list of matches you’ve already procured for him, despite the fact that you could not possibly have been working on this for more than an hour.

“You’re quite popular, Mr. Number One Hero!” you chirp.

He rolls onto his back and grabs a pillow and screams lightly into it for a moment, before turning back to face you calmly. 

“Please delete this.”

“Why? I have three dates lined up for you over the next two weeks.” You pout. “You wouldn’t want to disappoint these lovely women, would you, Mr. Midoriya?”

There’s a nervous tick in his jaw at the polite appellation but he can see the glint in your eyes. Two can play this game.

“You’re right, and I trust you, darling,” he says, lips curling into a teasing grin. He rolls over onto his belly, pulling off the small towel that wraps around his waist and tosses it to the side, a motion that engages the muscles of his back just enough that you can pretend you don’t see them ripple. You try not to look at his ass because you’re angry. You are so, so angry.

“Give me the schedule and I’ll go. I don’t think they’ll manage to be as lovely as you, but I’ll try my best.” His green eyes twinkle as he watches you not look, then places a hand on the small of your back, and the contact almost shocks through your spine. 

You get up immediately and leave the room, ignoring his low chuckle as you hide the warmth blooming in your face.

—

Midoriya cannot believe he’s actually seated at a mom and pop restaurant at the end of the week with a woman he’s never met in his entire life. You had actually called his bluff at calling your bluff, and had even gone so far as to lay out his clothes in the morning and adjust the collar of his shirt.

“Can we not do this?” He had asked right before leaving the house. You’d simply smiled sweetly, venomously. 

“Real love awaits, sir!” You flashed him a thumbs up and the genuine way in which your teeth gleamed almost struck fear in his heart. “Go get ‘em, tiger!”

His entire way to the location, he had been considering what manner of trap this was. Would there be cameras? Kirishima, who was like an older brother to you waiting to beat his ass (even though he wasn’t completely sure what he did wrong and arguably may have done nothing wrong aside from being extraordinarily busy for the past two weeks)?

But alas, rather than a trap, or you in a different outfit, there was an admittedly beautiful young woman who smiled shyly back at him as he took his seat.

The first thing he does is tell the truth.

“Hi, um, yeah so…” he scratches his head. “Let me explain a couple things first before there’s any misunderstanding…” 

His voice trails off as he notices the slight distress in her features, but decides it’s better to hurt her feelings now than later.

“I was not the one managing my Tinder profile. Whatever may have been said to you was not said by me and-”

She nods emphatically and he stops. “Wait, you know what I’m about to say?”

“Yeah, your profile says it’s managed by your ex-girlfriend and we chatted a bit through messages.”

There’s a little bit of heat that reaches his ears, not pleasant heat at all, but mild irritation. He presses his lips together as she continues.

“She said something about wanting to make sure she set you up with someone better than her since you won’t accept your breakup.”

Izuku’s eye twitches but he smiles peacefully and takes a sip of his coffee.

“She said you were a very sweet guy though so I’m assuming you’re on good terms?” The young lady laughs coyly, a hand covering her mouth as she does. Coquettish, he thinks, then he remembers how you literally said you’d set him up with someone cute and coquettish and his heart starts to race.

“We’re on excellent terms,” he says finally, breathing through his nose, then takes a look at the menu. 

She giggles a bit and it annoys him because none of this is funny. Not for a second.

“She chose really good pictures,” the woman says softly, who Izuku recalls from the schedule you had the nerve to send him is named Sachiko, reaching for her glass of water. Izuku mirrors the action because his throat is suddenly terribly dry.

He clears his throat. You’ve gone too far.

“What would you like to order?” Izuku asks in his most charming voice.

—

“You didn’t take her home?” You ask, voice dripping of malice, curled up into the bedsheets of your California King. He considers shooting you a dirty look but he doesn’t; rather he strips painfully slowly and again you avert your eyes. This time he doesn’t laugh at your ridiculous attempt to pretend you don’t find him attractive, and instead, he stands stark naked in his underwear, arms crossed and feet squared as though you are an actual adversary. Maybe you enjoy being the villain in his story for once. 

You look up from your book, noticing his stillness in your peripheral vision. He looks good when he’s angry, you think, his face twisted into a scowl and breathing a little heavier than usual. You watch the rise and fall of his chest, then bid him to speak.

“What?” 

He shakes his head, like he can’t believe he’s really saying what he has to say next.

“First of all, I don’t fuck on the first date.” You tilt your head ever so slightly with a mock inquisitive look that bids him to go on.

“Don’t look at me like that, if I did, we absolutely would have,” he replies flippantly. You pretend to disregard that sentence. Then it hits you. We, as in you and him or we as in, he and her?

“Second of all, you’re going to regret this. Good night,” he insists before finding his way beside you in bed. You dramatically scoot over to the very edge of the bed, but he’s annoyed enough that his back is turned to you. 

Good, you think, and turn the page in your book. The plot thickens deliciously.

—

Izuku doesn’t bother explaining himself on the date the following week. Rather, he treats it like a business meeting and speaks politely, diverting any flirty comments to other topics. He wishes you hadn’t picked such an expensive restaurant but the truth was, the food was good enough to match the price. 

The woman today is not Sachiko - while Sachiko was petite and sold the moe angle quite well, Natsumi was a bit more direct and businesslike. Still, not quite like you and frankly a little bit too talkative. According to you, who were having the time of your life swiping right and left with his likeness, Sachiko had wanted a second date, but any time you broached the subject, he simply refused to respond and you, despite all of your ability to push buttons know when to stop. Now faced with Natsumi who was giving him his life story and testing his patience while he was trying to get through his Hamburg steak, he realized Sachiko might have been better.

“So why did you and your ex break up?”

Izuku swallowed another piece of meat quickly.

“We did not.”

Natsumi gave him a quizzical look.

“So why are you on a date with me?”

“To indulge her.”

Natsumi leans back in her chair then picks at her fingernails.

“Wow, you really are in denial, like she said.”

In Izuku’s eyes, this date is even more over than it was when it began.

When he comes home this time, you are talking and laughing animatedly on the phone to your mother as you cook a late dinner for yourself and rather than interrupt your conversation, he slips past you and puts the entrée he’d gotten for you in the front of the fridge.

You give him a glance then look away. Your mouth twists to the side, now that you realize you’re testing more than a little of his patience.

When you finally hang up the phone and put away your hot food to reheat the one he’s brought back for you, you ask in a small voice:

“Did you enjoy the food?”

He’s staring at the TV, looking without looking, and you can see that muscle in his jaw again tense before he turns to face you.

“It was delicious.”

You poke at the plate in front of you and concur. The food really is heavenly. Maybe you should pull back. It’s very clear that this man has no intention on breaking up with you and you can’t even remember what you were even mad about. There’s still a date left but canceling it with a 5 days notice isn’t the worst thing you can do. Your boyfriend has clearly learned his lesson, you think.

Then he says,

“Hey, can you arrange a second date for Sachiko? I’d like to see her again.”

And then rage consumes you again.

“Of course,” you say sweetly.

—

“I didn’t think I’d see you again!” Sachiko exclaims. Izuku had watched her run towards him, beaming smile accentuated by the bright winter sun’s rays reflected by the snow. Her cheeks are red and she looks as though she is blowing smoke, huffing and puffing as she catches her breath. She’s dressed for the weather, and so is he, and he notices the thick gloves that she’s wearing. His own hands are bare.

An ice skating date.

You must actually be prepared to lose him at this point.

Sachiko grins widely and Izuku, looking down at her again now that she is right next to him, realizes she really is cute. Not cuter than you, he wouldn’t go that far, but cute enough.

She doesn’t know how to ice skate and stays very close, and Izuku lets her cling onto his sleeve, then eventually hold his hand.

—

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

The phrase ran through your head over and over again, and had been the first thing you thought of when you reread her message for the third, the fourth, and the fifth time. 

Hi, I hope this isn’t weird but I just wanted to thank you.

(I hope it’s not you, Izuku, ‘cause that would be awkward! 😊)

I wanted to let you know that it must be hard to give up your partner, especially when they seem so nice! But I’m grateful. We’ll be texting privately from now on! 

Maybe we can be friends someday? I’d like to meet you in person too!

You swallow hard for a moment, reading the message again and again and again.

Texting privately. The familiar use of his name. It was two dates only. Why was she so confident? Why was she thanking you?

You found yourself thumbing through her profile again, really scrutinizing her again, taking particular care to commit her soft features to memory and the warm demeanor you could see through her many photos.

You swallowed hard again.

Did you mess up? Did you finally push too hard?

The sound of the door opening suddenly startled you enough that you ended up dropping your phone in the bowl of the bathroom sink. Izuku, appearing behind you suddenly as he turned into the bathroom to check looked you up once up and down and muttered a soft greeting. 

“You okay?”

Maybe you were imagining it, but the timbre of his voice was less Izuku and more Deku, the Hero, who asked everyone if they were okay. Who belonged to everyone. Or maybe really not everyone, just not you.

Despite your throat feeling as though it would close up, you nod. He says nothing more and suddenly you wish you could take it all back.

—

Two weeks have passed since your declaration of singlehood akin to a declaration of war, and just a few days since Sachiko thanked you for handing over the love of your life on a platter. Unwilling to admit that you regret your game, you resort to not speaking to him at all - at least not more than to reply to his good morning or his good night. You can feel him shift gently in the middle of the night, sometimes to face you, and you wonder if he’ll put his arm around your waist and nuzzle his chin in the crook of your shoulder, but he stops short and you’re left wanting, regretting. Now you start to make arrangements. Where will you go once you officially break up rather than theoretically? This is his apartment after all. Should you tell your mother so she’s not surprised when you turn up at her doorstep and she can’t call him her future son-in-law?

You’re not sure what your endgame was, but whatever this is, you don’t like it.

So you do what you do best. Make do with what is presented to you.

Izuku doesn’t say a word once he leaves your home just before noon, leaving you to quietly attend to work-related affairs as you type on your computer. From the calendar on the refrigerator, you’re reminded he has a midday shift 12-10pm, but still a part of you wonders if he’ll sneak off at any point to meet Sachiko. Why wouldn’t he? You’re broken up after all. 

Sachiko is so cute you would date her if you had the chance. You really did choose far too well.

You can’t focus on work anymore, you decide after staring at a blank screen for the next hour. Your head is pounding and your throat, although it no longer wants to close up, is dry and water isn’t fixing it. There’s a crick in your neck and a tenseness in your shoulders that Izuku would have massaged out for you if you weren’t locked in battle for days on end. 

So you make a profile for yourself. Is it desperation for validation now that suddenly all your inadequacies are brought to light or fear of losing? Whatever it is, you are very lucky, because you’ve arranged a date for just a few hours from now. 

You cannot, will not, spend the night in an empty house.

—

Izuku’s hands are fidgety, enough that his patrol partner notices the incessant tapping of his foot and the repeated running of his hands through his hair.

“You okay there, man?” 

“Yeah.”

It’s not like he can say No, actually, my girlfriend’s phone is unreachable and I can’t tell if it’s because she’s mad at me or because something actually happened to her, but if I’m wrong about danger, it will only make our already terrible relationship worse.

His partner tonight is a non-UA alum who is new to the city and initially came in excited to work with the great Midoriya only to run into someone whose naturally charismatic Hero smile now carries an undercurrent of moderate unease. The two however continue to roam the district in a predetermined path, making sure to detect any suspicious activity as it may come up. This particular area is known for its elevated nightlife and particularly rich patrons. There’s a Michelin 3-star restaurant whose reservations are hotly contested that he spots along his path as he walks, and he remembers he’d considered it among others for your eventual engagement, if you ever made it there at this point. 

The fact that Sachiko has texted him three times today grates on his nerves and he wishes he had never given her his number, even though he continues to reply politely. He looks down to mute the text thread, and as he looks up, he sees you.

And his blood runs cold. 

—

You can’t remember the last time you’ve been on a first date. You do remember that you’re supposed to feel somewhat jittery - you remember being this way when you first went on a date with your soon-to-be ex - but your nerves aren’t firing in all directions in a pleasant, pure sort of way.

What exactly are you trying to prove? You wonder as you stride carefully, one heeled step before the other on the cobbled street, a handsome stranger by your side. You march unevenly, and you can tell he wants to reach over and help you, but your body is sufficiently frigid that he keeps a polite distance away. 

Until you accidentally trip and he steadies you with a gentle grip of the hand.

“Hold on to me,” he asks. Yoshi’s smile is pleasant and reassuring, a little like Izuku. He’s not as tall and not as broad, but he’s pleasant to look at. 

“Thank you,” you say, gingerly allowing your hand to settle on his outstretched elbow. It doesn’t feel right but you tell yourself it’s natural to feel that way, considering you only started talking this afternoon. 

Yoshi isn’t a complete stranger though - you learn he works in another division at your company and you have mutual friends. It had just turned out that he had gotten stood up for his intended date today despite having had reservations for a month, so you might as well have taken the opportunity to go to such an exclusive eatery.

“I forgot to tell you you looked breathtaking,” he says once you’ve moved closer to him, and you can’t help but to smile first, then feel disgusted that you’re letting another man compliment you.

“You look quite nice yourself,” you reply nevertheless.

The queue to the entrance is several couples and groups long despite your reservation so you check in first before heading over to a waiting area until you get called.

You do get called from behind before you even get to sit, but it’s not by the restaurant.

“Fancy seeing you here!”

You freeze. Of course. What did you think would happen?

There are two things that run through your head. Either you can pretend you didn’t hear his voice and keep walking, and you know damn well he would not allow himself to be ignored or you could turn and risk a very public argument or-

He chooses for you.

Izuku is in front of the two of you now, grinning far too wide, far too poisonously. For once your heart is actually racing, and you remember that despite how soft he’s been with you, he’s actually quite large and obviously strong and the fact that he’s barely concealing the fact that he’s genuinely upset at you as he looks you up and down, fists clenched by his side and knuckles white as chalk, means that he could be unpredictable.

“It’s a lovely night, isn’t it?” he says, with a tinny laugh. Your eyes widen as you look to him then to your date who looks genuinely confused as to why this Hero is unkindly interrupting his date out of the blue.

“Hey, um-”

Deku flashes a smile at you that doesn’t reach his eyes then looks back at Yoshi.

“The two of you look like a lovely couple! Are you waiting for this restaurant?” He says, pointing to the entrance. “It’s a great restaurant! I personally like one of their pasta dishes myself and had been meaning to take my girlfriend here for a while but we just haven’t gotten the chance to-”

Yoshi, bold enough that even you’re taken aback, has the nerve to take your wrist gently and pull you a little behind him - a move that is not lost on Izuku and your blood chills because Izuku finds himself holding back a chuckle.

“Can I help you?” Yoshi asks, clearly annoyed.

You start to move instinctively but Izuku’s placed a hand on Yoshi’s shoulder and proceeds to pat it. He leans in ever so slightly to clear the height difference between them, staring him directly in the eyes, and you hold your breath. It’s clearly a challenge and you pray that neither of them take the bait. 

You can see Yoshi move to shrug the shoulder off but he’s forced into place and now the confusion on his features is even more intense. You can nearly cut the tension in the air with a knife but then you hear the other young man approaching.

It’s Izuku’s partner who has finally caught up, and the sound of Deku’s name being called from afar as he approaches seems to snap Izuku back into the reality of the situation. Some of the pounding in his temples clears and he tries not to look at you, patting your date on the shoulder.

“Stay safe out there and don’t stay out too late,” He offers. There’s still an edge to his voice and his hand and eyes linger but eventually he lets it trail off. The warning is for you specifically. 

Your face is hot and you’re thoroughly embarrassed but that’s the least of your concerns right now. Your stomach twists into a knot.

Your table is called.

—

When you finally slip back into your apartment, it’s a couple minutes to midnight and you are Cinderella fleeing back home to where the magic wears off.

The lights are on and Izuku is staring holes into the front door as you come in - he almost startles you when you slip off your shoes and turn to find him sitting at the kitchen table, facing in your direction. 

A small gasp leaves your throat.

He cocks his head to the side.

“What? Do I scare you?” His voice is somewhat gruff as though he’s waking up from sleep, low, and makes your heart pound.

You open your mouth, then close it. There’s not really much you can say at this point. You literally went on a date without his knowledge. You expected a fight when you came back, especially given how obviously angry he was just a couple of hours ago. 

You push and you push and you push and you don’t really know why you’re pushing.

And then you remember why. Sachiko.

“No,” you reply, moving forward in bare feet on wooden flooring, and dropping off your apartment keys in a shared bowl on the counter. You purse your lips and try not to engage him but wonder how long he’s been waiting for you, hunched forward on his elbows, pressing his fingertips together. There’s an untouched glass of wine besides him, and he rarely drinks.

“How was your date?” he spits.

You stop for a moment, his tone sinking in, and you selectively hear anger instead of the pang of rejection. You whip around to face him, the metal on your purse strings making the action unnecessarily loud. 

“It was great, actually! How’s Sachiko?!”

You didn’t mean to raise your voice but you did nevertheless. 

“Who..,” he starts, but his eyes widen, seething. “You sent me on that date.”

“That doesn’t mean you can fuck her!”

Izuku lets out a groan but his scowl softens to a frown once he sees the tears in your eyes despite his still tightly clenched fists.

“I did not, first of all. I deleted her number hours ago. We literally never met after the dates YOU arranged. Meanwhile you’re prancing around, hanging off some random dude’s arm, and what am I supposed to do? Accept it? What the fuck do I look like to you,___?”

You don’t have a response to that. How easy can it be to tolerate your mood swings? You were never done with him. You don’t want to be done with him. Of course he laughed at you when you said it, because it was obviously not true.

But you just want to feel heard so badly sometimes.

There’s a bit of silence as the two of you stand across from each other, your tears streaming down your face.

“Come here,” Izuku murmurs.

“No,” you mutter. He sighs as he follows you into the bedroom you disappear to, and watches you carefully as you sit down on the edge of the bed. You’re clearly still unsettled, but by now he can tell that you are no longer angry but confused as to what to do next. What comes after this mess?

“Did you fuck him?” Izuku asks in a quiet voice.

“Obviously not,” you quip, crossing your arms not out of self-defense but for self-soothing.

“Did you kiss him?” His voice is tentative as though he dreads the answer. His palms open and he flexes his fingers but he crosses the distance towards you on the bed.

“No.”

He pauses again, then kneels down before you. There’s a hand that finds its way onto the side of your cheek tenderly, turning your face so that you face him, and him only.

“I’m done fighting with you,” he finally decides. “Open your legs.”

Your face twists into surprise, but he dives deep, pulling up the bottom of your dress to your waist. He plants several kisses on your thighs, then waits for you to part your legs for him - he’s not going to tell you twice - before pressing his nose on the wet spot forming on your panties.

He breathes in and the inhale of your scent runs through his whole body, enough that you shudder yourself.

“God, I’ve missed this,” he says and your face warms. His calloused hands grip firmly, but not roughly, on the skin of your legs and push you open even further to accommodate his broad shoulders - you lean back onto your elbows as he slips two fingers under the crotch, and tears them apart with a snap.

“‘Zuku!” You hiss. Those panties aren’t your best ones but you still liked them.

He doesn’t reply and rather hastily, penetrates you with his tongue, and you squeal his name again, relishing in the thick muscle exploring your folds and the harsh grasp of his fingertips as he keeps you still. 

“B-baby… ah!”

He’s sharp and precise, because you’ve loved him long enough and he’s loved you long enough to know exactly what you need. You don’t tip but you careen over the pleasure of his tongue working your folds and your clit and your soft center, whining as pressure builds in your lower belly. 

“S-stop, it’s…” your breath falters, “I d-don’t deserve…”

He stops briefly with a kiss, then looks up at you, mulling over the words he needs to say to this woman who causes him so much trouble. 

He decides on the following:

“You’re right. You don’t deserve it, not right now, so I’m punishing you,” he finally teases. There’s a half grin on the slick covered lower half of his face and your eyes widen at the sight of his glistening skin. He lifts your ass gently and slaps it hard enough that your breath catches, the pain searing up and down your leg. You gasp, and he grabs a handful of your ass cheek, rubbing it to mull over the sensation. 

“You’re a fucking brat, you know that?” He hisses. His body presses over you, pushing one of your bent legs against your chest as he continues to squeeze at the fat of your bottom. You nod and he kisses you. 

“Simply awful.”

Another spank comes and you’re nearly blinded in pain and he dips down, biting at your lip. 

“I indulge you far too much, don’t I?” His teeth tug gently and release, and then he motions for you to pull your arms up. You’re sure if you don’t hurry up, he’ll rip it to shreds. 

The dress comes off and so does your breasts out of your bra and into his cupped hands. Sucking, biting at your nipples, leaving marks - it’s desperate and possessive and you wonder what would have happened if you had really taken Yoshi or whatever his name was seriously, and really pushed your Izuku to the brink. 

“I’m s-sorry,” you choke out eventually through sighs and then sobs. Izuku rolls you onto him, clasping his arms around your waist as you straddle him, playing with your breasts as you roll against him. The rhythm is new and hasty, but some of the fundamentals are the same. You know his body and he knows yours. He sucks at your neck and you nip at his earlobes - your fingers twist into his curls and he pulls at your hair. Kiss after kiss after kiss.

“I’m sorry, too,” he murmurs into your neck. His strong arms still enclose you and you’re settled onto his cock. There’s a soft groan as he presses upwards into you and some of you collapses into him, but he rolls his hips as you cling to his chest and you’re in a rhythm yet again.

“You make me crazy but I’m sorry.”

You can only whimper something unintelligible back as you suck up every inch of him, even your walls clinging tightly and desperately to his body inside yours. Your fingers curl into fists, laying against his chest and he uses a hand to pull it before him and kiss your knuckles.

“I’m awful,” you moan, crying into his chest.

“I shouldn’t have teased you,” he insists.

He flips over and you find yourself under him, and he interlaces his fingers with yours above you. Green locks graze gently atop your forehead as he stares into your eyes.

“I love you,” you say first.

“I love you too,” Izuku replies. He stirs into you more, letting the pressure of his weight comfort you as he strokes deeply, then rises up on his elbows to pick up his pace.

“Promise you’ll never leave,” you beg him before he begins. His hands press onto yours and pin you down and he kisses at your belly, then up to your lips.

“You can’t get rid of me,” he laughs.

“Even when I’m shitty enough to try?”

He pauses, dips down to press his forehead against yours. His lips graze above yours again. 

“Even when I’m angry enough to fight back, I won’t leave you.”

Reassured, you rock your hips against his and he takes it as an invitation to speed up. His strokes are fast and deep and tender - with every plunge you fall deeper in love with him, as does he. You push back but gently, resisting every strong movement with a clench of your thighs against him.

“You feel fucking amazing,” he insists, and you can his voice lowers. “Fucking amazing, baby, fucking-”

It’s his tell - he holds on to you desperately and you can feel yourself tense up as your coil snaps and sharp jets of cum spurt at your cervix, coating you thick and full. He shudders as he comes, heavy body shrouding you in a warm comfort.

He’s never leaving and neither are you.

No matter how many games you play.

[porkcutletbowl44]

Simon Riley/Reader and Keegan/Reader

Hi. I have come out of a almost 6 year writing hiatus and decided to start posting works again. (Yippie😅) I woke up in cold sweat one day about this particular story line and just started writing it down until I gathered the courage to share it... This is a snippet from the 2nd chapter I have on AO3 (I have no clue how to use AO3 in terms of writing OR Tumblr for that fact pls help 😭) but, I'd like to hear some thoughts about how it is, (yay or nay?) aaaannnnddd first ever post on Tumblr whoop! (Apologies for spelling and grammar I still haven't completely edited the chapters fully)

After a few weeks, the divorce was finalized. And those weeks quickly grew into just shy of two months. you didn't even notice, you didn't have the time to even keep up with your own body living in the present. Your daughter didn't deserve to see her mother in shambles like this. Didn't deserve to watch her parents divorce simply because of the lack of communication you hammered into her little head from a young age to express when she was frustrated her sippy cup lid wasn't screwed on all the way and spilled a sticky mess of apple juice all over her chest. Communication, that's an important ingredient. Remember. Communication cannot exist without comprehension. You can bring the horse to water but you cannot force it to drink. You thought you had it all, a loving husband, a beautiful child, a safe home, it was temporary. Ripped from your fingers like a purse stolen by a thief. You will only helplessly watch as your things are being taken from you. 

You will continue to claw at your chest and whimper like a wounded animal.

It does not get easier, even right now when it's time for Simon to take Fawn for the weekend again. You can bear the awkward tension, that silence that makes your throat close up and forces your voice to a weak frail squeak. You kept your attention somewhat busy with your work laptop, there are only four emails and you take the time to thoroughly read them, typing calmly to avoid confrontation. 

He stood in the kitchen quietly, watching your back. He had a strange lump forming in his throat, his expression hardening as he pushed down all of his emotions, trying not to focus on the guilt and hurt churning inside his chest.

You signed the papers, just like he asked you to.

Simon forced himself to speak, clearing his throat loudly, "Shouldn't you be packing Fawn's stuff?"

"Fawn insisted on packing herself," you gave a half-shrug, "I said why not? It's good for her to learn it and have the harmless joy."

He couldn't help but give a rough scoff at that. You would spoil her too easily. Simon took a few steps, setting his hands down on the kitchen counter, his gaze fixed on your form.

"She'll end up forgetting somethin'. I better go help 'er." He spoke casually, intending to go to check on Fawn and help her pack But something made him hesitate, his gaze snapping back on you. It only made his chest and lungs squeeze tighter as he looked at your closed-off demeanor. His eyes zeroed in on your fingers typing lazily, a strange suffocating feeling overcame him as he tried to figure out how he should address the lack of the wedding band on your finger.

Should he pretend like everything is fine? Would you want to talk?

There was an unnatural suffocating silence that felt like an elephant in the room, a strange tension between the two of you that only made him want to hold his breath. The air was so thick and tense- so unlike the normal energy in the kitchen that was once filled with the smell of your delicious cooking and the squealing laughter of Fawn whenever Simon would occasionally rough house with you while the both of you shared the foot space to cook. 

"...You took your ring off," Simon observed in a quiet, defeated tone.

what did he expect?

you stop your typing, your fingers ghosting over typing basic Python codes to your coworker, and you look down on instinct before clearing your throat. Your finger is empty. You will not admit that you took it off once you heard the news.

"Yeah, I did. It's next to the coffee maker if you want it back—oh, congratulations on your engagement." You hesitated before even saying those words. You never thought you would have to say to Simon. Your throat was dry, and your tongue burned at each syllable. 

His heart dropped the instant your words registered in his head, his expression darkening even more than before as a harsh scoff escaped him, his hands clenching tightly into fists as he tried to ignore the sharp pain in his chest.

"What…" His jaw hardened, and a look of disbelief crossed his features, "Who the hell told you that?"

"Johnny already told me," You replied, twisting on the stool to look at him, still in your work blouse and office pants. 

"Of course he did.." He muttered beneath his breath, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Bloody Soap.."

Simon took a deep breath and turned to look at you, his expression cold and hard, his gaze dark and icy. The mention of his engagement only made his fingers clench on the counter, and his gaze darkened as he heard your cold, dry tone. His eyes shifted towards the band next to the coffee maker, his mouth twisting into a frown at the lone ring he bought you all those years ago. 

That ring had been on your finger for 7 years.

Now it lay lifeless on the counter.

How the tables have turned.

"...thanks." He muttered out quietly, before looking back down at the floor. 

"yeah well, I would have found out even if Johnny didn't tell me. I would have seen the ring on you either way." You crossed your arms loosely with a small frown. You also won't mention you saw his fiancée's post about it.

He has an unreadable expression on his face as his shoulders straightened. "It would've been a hell of a lot more polite if I was the one who told you." He muttered lowly, his jaw clenching as he tried to keep his emotions in check. But the sight of you without the ring on your finger was eating away at him, like acid seeping into his skin. The mother of his child, divorced.

"You wouldn't tell me, I think that's why Johnny mentioned it...Fawn don't forget your toothbrush!" You called out, hearing her near the kitchen before bolting back down the hallway into the bathroom. You silently thank the universe for that interference. 

A humorless scoff escaped him, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Johnny knew you, he knew that you were the type to get pissed off at secrets and such. So he told you, thinking it would be easier to swallow for you. 'It's not.; Simon muttered in his head, gritting his teeth tightly as he tried to hold back his emotions.

"for the best, right?" You mumbled under your breath, looking up at him.

He could feel the pain and hurt in your gaze as you looked up at him, making his heart clench painfully the longer he looked at you.

Of course it's not for the best.

He wanted more than anything to pull you into his arms, to kiss you, tell you how he regrets ever saying something so stupid, how he wanted to take everything back.

But he didn't.

He couldn't. So all he said was a cold: "You tell me."

You didn't reply, just humming quietly in acknowledgment before Fawn's happy self came into the kitchen practically bouncing with excitement to spend time with her dad. Simon watched quietly as Fawn barreled into the room with her bag in one hand, her excitement radiating.

He tried not to let his emotions show on his face, masking it with a neutral expression as he looked over at his daughter. It was impossible to tell her parents were going through a divorce. She was still young of course, so it wasn't that surprising.

Simon just couldn't help but envy her innocence.

A bitter thought in his head made him hate himself even more.

He couldn't help but try to hold that small smile that formed at his eyes as he saw her excitement, "You 'ave everythin' you need?" The question was mainly directed at you, since you were the one that knew what she needed.

You beckoned Fawn over, kneeling before her. You softly grabbed her shoulders with an assuring smile. 

"Hairbrush? Socks and shoes? Jacket? And toothbrush?"

He hovered in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you check over Fawn, watching how gentle you were with her. Simon scoffed at this, shaking his head. "She's a mini version of you."

A pang of longing hit him, watching how you cared for her, his heart feeling heavy.

"Check, got all that," Fawn confirmed, nodding her head excitedly as her bright eyes lit up.

"Good, you did a good job packing all by yourself." You forced a smile Fawn would believe, smoothing her hair back. You were proud of her after all, doing big girl things all by herself. 

A wave of dread washed over him, he couldn't fucking stand this; that he was the reason. "Monster." something meanly cackled in the back of his head. He felt like a bastard for even having you sign those papers without fighting for it, watching everything he once had slip out of his fingers.

Watching how you forced a smile instead of truly showing it to your own fucking daughter.

God, he was a jackass.

"Remember your manners, be good, and you can call me for anything at all, okay? Anything you need, hun." You murmured, giving her little cheek a kiss.

He watched the two of you interact, his chest feeling heavy and tight. Fawn nodded her head quickly with a bright smile, giving you a big hug before waving a little.

"Bye, momma." She said cutely before rushing over to her father and grabbing his hand, waving her free one out.

His expression hardened, his gaze snapping on you as you looked away, keeping up the happy mom façade for the sake of Fawn.

He hated seeing you like this, forced to pretend like everything was okay when it was far from that. How was it fair for you to be forced to pretend to be happy? It didn't sit right with him, it just didn't feel fair. He held his eyes on you a moment longer before looking down to hold Fawn's hand in his. 

"C'mon now, let's get goin'." He murmured gruffly, trying to muster a small smile for his daughter.

The walk to the car was silent, Fawn skipping her way to the car, Simon walking beside with her little handheld in his, his expression unreadable and cold. He stopped by the backseat of the car, opening the door to let Fawn in as he looked to the passenger seat. Where you would sit. Where you will probably never sit again.

His mind warred with it, a scowl crossing his face. He wanted you in the passenger seat, just like you used to always sit in. He wanted the same routine every time he picked up Fawn from school.

But he couldn't have that.

Simon gritted his teeth, shoving those thoughts aside as he forced his expression back to a stoic one, watching as Fawn climbed into the backseat and buckled herself in. He slowly shut the door with a quiet click, looking to the front and climbed into the driver's seat. The car started, and Fawn waved happily behind the window as they drove off. Mentally, you cuss Simon out to drive safely for Fawn before turning back inside. 

[themattress]

Re:Celestia Ludenberg, GOD DAMN IT!

So this happened again over 5 years later, this time on a short video centered around Celeste's character. And while I am glad that we're at a point where damn near every commentator is able to say "No, that's wrong!" since Character Perception Evolution toward her has become widely spread toward what I said also 5 years ago, I also wanted to spare some thought as to why the misunderstandings even occur among people. Whose fault is it?

The answer: half Kazutaka Kodaka's fault and half the people themselves' fault.

I think Kodaka writes Celeste in the original Trigger Happy Havoc game wonderfully. But you know what he didn't write wonderfully? Chapter 3. It started "Chapter 3 syndrome" and why I'd argue it's the best of the lot, that still doesn't make it good. And this sadly extends to how he ended up depicting Celeste's role in it. Beyond leaning way too hard into her not being as competent as she would like to be to the point where the case itself is too easy to solve and thus frustrating to go through for players after the legitimately spooky set-up, there's the matter of the girl behind the facade. We have seen glimpses of Taeko Yasuhiro in the prior chapters and Celeste's FTEs, but now when it really needs to shine through to clarify how twisted yet tragic a character she is, it mainly just comes through in her raging breakdown. Thus while we do also get her humbled acceptance of defeat and her whole parting words that hint at deeper reasons than greed for her turn to villainy and buried affection for her classmates despite trying to get them killed, it's overshadowed for many by how pronounced the crazy side of her was, and so the impression that makes + her lies as she tries to remain in-character as Celeste to the end = the "she's just a fucking psychopath" misinterpretation. Tellingly, the manga, anime and stage show versions all pronounce the true sad reality of Taeko more, and all without losing the fun of her crazy side, so I definitely prefer those here.

But as for how it’s the people themselves' fault? Beyond many of them just being dumb?

Umineko's motto fits perfectly here. Celestia Ludenberg is egocentric, condescending, and all-around off-putting, and that's before she becomes a villain who tells some truly heinous lies and works some insidious manipulations in a plan that leaves two dead and with more intended just to achieve a ridiculous, shallow dream. Her design, voice and manner of speaking are all pleasant, but otherwise, let's be honest - she's a difficult person to love.

However, almost every other character in the game is the same. Chihiro and initially Sayaka aside, all the students have truly glaring personality flaws that can easily turn people off of them...heck, three of them (Byakuya, Toko, and "Junko" once the truth about her is revealed) are even worse than Celeste. But the game still invites you to love them; to learn to love them through FTEs and interactions during trials, to say nothing of School Mode (which btw wasn't in the original Japanese PSP release of the game and is thus an absolute God-send.)

You really do have to love Celeste, or at least want to, in order to be motivated to put in the work of uncovering the truth about her. Makoto gets halfway there, but the rest is on you. Kodaka has been open about that: as the Queen of Liars there is almost always different thoughts and feelings that contradict her words and actions, and you have to actively engage with her as a character in order to sort those out, with the end result being a regular, introverted, socially awkward and somewhat childish teenage girl with no self-esteem who desperately wants to live as what she believes to be a more interesting, important and memorable (even if bitchy) character, and whose fears and insecurities surrounding the environment she was trapped in did more to push her into villainy than the allure of money.

Without love for Celeste, flaws and all, Taeko cannot be seen.

[marichild]

4, 9, and 17 for the fic asks >:3 🧡

*walks in* *puts on tetsu no ori* LET'S GO

be warned i am a chronic yapper I do not shut up about anything ever

4. Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

hoo boy. so, there was a sort of ambitious au I tried to write once—have you heard of twin star exorcists? I'm an anime enthusiast of it since I got pretty frustrated with where the manga was going what with the constant delays and derailing from the main point and the author not staying consistent with details, etc. that being said the anime doesn't fill a lot of gaps that should have been filled.

so while I was still pretty active in the kpop circles—which I probably will go back to soon lol when I feel less icky about the people I was beefing with—I tried to write a TSE au. while it wasn't my brightest idea to transpose a bunch of Koreans onto a Japanese setting, I also underestimated how difficult it'd be to handle all those canon details.

plus, exorcism is very heavily based on Buddhism, specifically in Japan, so I was just like. well am I prepared to potentially insult an entire faith. (research goes a long way kids! don't listen to younger mari) and I just sort of...let it falter and it doesn't even exist in my wip folder anymore </3

(it also involves a forced arranged marriage and the topic of being forced to have a kid, essentially, and I didn't want to genderbend anyone for it, so my solution was a trans man who was at least somewhat interested in having kids biologically one day, like me. once again, I didn't feel I did a very good job of it, and it was a little daunting to write it knowing that i did want at least a semi explicit scene that, once again, reflected me as a person. being a minor at the time, I let the idea go. and I was also much less confrontational at the time so I didn't think I could handle it if anyone was being weird about it lmao—which I fully can and will at this point.

that being said, I did write a fic about a trans man having a kid for a different fandom earlier this year, so I'm linking it if you're interested! very fluffy and family fun. and not explicit. though be warned, it is rpf lol)

HOWEVER!! I've actually considered picking it up again and rebranding as a soukoku au? once again, enemies to lovers, my transchuu agenda, my dazai can be any gender agenda, EXORCIST PRODIGIES, one of the characters has no idea where they came from and has a whole Bit about questioning their humanity. i.e. arahabaki parallels. there are a few gaps I'm trying to work out but it's definitely an idea haha)

ok enough yapping about that moving on

9. Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

!!! okay I really want to see. more fics about fyodor and disability. specifically related to anemia and blood. I generally don't read fyodor fics until endorsed by someone whose opinion I trust [for example, check out tell me we do not live in vain by valleykey, the Best fyozai fic Ever, or any of their fics!] because genuinely I don't trust this fandom to characterize fyodor, or any of decay of angels trio, very well half the time.

the reason I want to see more is because canonically, we know he is anemic and suffers from low blood pressure. however, I'm reluctant to write that for him because it's one thing to write like, transfems as a transmasc, there are similarities to be drawn from it, but things like anemia and chronic disability are a whole new ball game. I do not ever want to misrepresent any of that, and writing an ablebodied fyodor is just a. bit. disrespectful.

I mean I will write in his pov, of course. but I'd place him in higher stakes situations where his discomfort and pain isn't rhe sole focus so I don't have to write it in too much detail and write it all wrong. a bit of a cowardly approach maybe but until I really read a lot more that's all that's happening. unless it's like a menstrual disorder which. yeah. grimaces. but even that's inextricably tied to all his other issues, so.

17. What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

oh boy. aside from all the times I've had authors I really admire acknowledge me and my writing, which is just. wow. its not that I think they are higher beings, but more like. if people who I admire think I am also worthy of admiration and think my fics are good. that my characters are well done....I remember the time a well-known author in the ZEROBASEONE rpf circles literally revived from her hiatus to comment on my fic!! to tell me how much she loved it. a fic that I genuinely wrote in like two hours for a member's birthday. (it continues to be my most popular fic for the fandom lmao) it was . wild. especially because I deeply admire her writing for being so introspective and critically challenging. augh.

but aside from all that,

probably the time I finished writing we were lost, looking for an answer. my last ever assassination classroom fic. I was largely out of touch with the fandom and the only reason I went through with this fic was that I promised my readers I would give it to them, and a lovely reader had left a comment about QPRs, and even a thing or two about Japanese law regarding it. writing that series, a silly series that I wrote out of frustration that my aroace-spec peers in the LGBTQIA+ community went through so much for just not adhering to the norm...well. guess who realized he's demiromantic demisexual through writing it 🤡

okay I derailed. the point of it is that by the time i done writing it I was kind of struck by how raw and real it felt, to me, and how I was proud of it. mainly because karma characterization is a tricky thing to do, in my opinion, and I'd done a pretty decent job. it also felt like an accurate representation of wanting someone who doesn't want you back like that, but wanting them close all the same. in general, it felt like a good representation of how scary and hopeless a queer teenager's life can be, especially at fifteen years old.

do I think I could have done better? yes, of course. I still think I have the drive to write it again, make an updated version. but I won't, because it was the first time in a long time that I wrote something that genuinely made me think differently about myself. I also think that it's a nice milestone marker. :)

fic ask game

[tala-bez-i]

At first sight II Chapter Twenty

(m!reader x Bonten!Haruchiyo Sanzu)

Fluff/slash/reader is male/cursing/BontenTimeline/drugs and alcohol mentioned/violence/blood/death

All characters that appeared in the Tokyo Revengers manga and anime belong to Ken Wakui.

Words: 3791

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The files that were saved on the flash drive Katsuro Wada had given you were somewhat what you and Okumura had expected. These were several-hour-long recordings that, at first glance, seemed not to have been edited in any way.

Each file contained 10 minutes of fairly good quality video, complete with audio, and depicted the most ordinary course of a day at a place that employed young men for entertainment purposes that, as you and Okumura already knew, had as much in common with escorts as a pharmacist had with surgery.

On the one hand, you were surprised that the place was still functioning and doing really well, especially when it came to income for Bonten, but on the other hand... The brothel, because that's what you had to call the place, was actually being raided by a prosecutor you knew well, with whom you had worked together many times.

That very fact made your stomach do a few somersaults with nerves. You hadn't felt such indignation and disgust in a long time.

Even the disgust caused by a certain minor situation that had occurred during your last interaction with Haruchiyo Sanzu was not at such a high level as now.

Perhaps what you felt was because the function Takara Kitagawa fulfilled should be impeccable and represent the pursuit of justice. He should protect all civilians from corruption and criminals through his actions. He should defend the system, not exploit its loopholes for his own disgusting purposes.

Not that you were any better, because after all, you were supposed to be in the same line with him and fight crime no matter who your opponent was. But this time, you were working with the largest and most dangerous syndicate in all of Japan because you still loved one of its members and recently you were starting to have more and more hope that you might be able to get close to him again…

Again. How idiotic that sounded. After all, in this reality, your paths had diverged before you had even become good friends – you had only just begun to gain his greater trust.

You should stop living in what happened before the time-leap, because it was only in your consciousness and being guided by those events could only cause you problems.

Yes, you had some tips on what to do and what to avoid, but something told you not to take your additional experiences 100% seriously.

"So..." Okumura spoke up from the small table next to you in the cramped kitchen. "What now?"

You were finishing your barely warm tea, wondering the exact same thing as your partner. Your heart was telling you to act, but your mind was telling you to wait, which was the most sensible thing to do.

“We are waiting for stronger evidence.”

“What could be stronger than the recordings we already have?”

“The recordings can be easily undermined. They might say they were manipulated. Especially since we haven’t found any other evidence yet that Kitagawa is corrupt.” You replied, understanding Okumura’s anger perfectly. “We need more evidence.”

“Where else are we supposed to get them? The guy’s out of our league. None of us are very close to him, and he’s always been easy to work with.” The man let out a frustrated sigh. “Cracking him down is going to be one of our hardest cases. Aside from the ones involving Yuu and Takenaka.”

You grimaced slightly, agreeing with him, or at least partly. “If we can tie him much more closely to Jun Takenaka himself, maybe we can discover who is actually behind his death.”

“Do you think it’s connected? It could always be a simple coincidence.”

"And that's why Jin Nagasawa's early release was revoked?" You reminded him and looked the black-haired man in the eye. "I don't think so. Something's up and either the bastard ordered the younger Takenaka's murder or he knows perfectly well who's responsible and why."

"Okay, you're right." Shinji sighed and finished his tea, then stood up from the table and stretched hard. "I'm going home. Secure those files Wada gave us and go to bed too. We have a difficult task ahead of us."

“Yes.” You stood up from the table to escort the man to the front door of the apartment. “Not only do we have to get permission to talk to Nagasawa again…”

“I meant pretending we don’t know anything about Kitagawa.” Okumura interrupted. “But that too… I just hope that this time we won’t have to talk to him directly about permission to talk. We haven’t needed that kind of trick before.”

"Back then it was about the other prisoners. Nagasawa is too connected to Takenaka and owns our dear prosecutor's favorite brothel."

"Favorite brothel... Fuck." Your partner mumbled as he tied his shoes. "I don't just want to break his nose. We'll deal with all that later. Have a good night."

You said goodbye to him and as soon as the door to your apartment, still yours, closed behind him, you went back to your small office and took one last look at the files you had received from Wada.

You selected one particular video file and opened it, watching once again as a scared Riku tried to get into the brothel manager's office, wanting to gain something that could be called sanctuary there.

Right behind him, a heavily muscled man appeared in the frame, whom you couldn't quite place, but you were sure he belonged to the underworld, and literally at the last moment the door to the room opened, and a prosecutor stood in the doorway, who at first looked nervous, but seeing what was happening in front of him, he was taken aback.

The young boy crouched down, thanks to which he was able to slip past the man into the depths of the room, and suddenly Kitagawa was pushed out of the office and in his place stood none other than Jun Takenaka in a rather combative pose.

You closed the recording and unplugged the flash drive from your computer, then put the item in the same place you kept your Sanzu-related items and went to take a hot shower, which you needed to wash away the tendrils of stress from yourself.

As soon as the warm water started to run down your back, your muscles began to relax more and more. Although none of what you learned today left your mind for even a split second.

You remembered perfectly well that day when Wada brought Riku's mother, Mrs. Yokota, to the police station, and you had to admit to yourself that it didn't seem like anything was wrong with her at all.

She seemed like the most ordinary person in the world. A mother whose child had gone missing and had later turned up safe and sound... Well, you could say that nothing had happened to him, because he had been taken to the hospital, where many tests had been performed on him and a dark secret had been discovered, the revelation of which had turned young Riku's entire world upside down.

Or at least that's what you thought, because if something like that happened to you, you would definitely be devastated, you would have a lot of questions and you wouldn't know what to do with yourself.

Riku was sad and extremely thoughtful when you and Okumura picked him up from his place of employment, but was it just because of his argument with Haji, or did he already know something about what his mother had done.

You and Tomoko would soon have to have a very important and specific conversation. Although, you knew what kind of answer your older sister would give you.

“None of your business. Watch your own ass.”

You sighed, turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower. As you dried your hot body with a towel, you could feel the cold tile through the bath mat you were standing on.

You couldn't wait for the upcoming move, and the mere thought of your new home having underfloor heating sent a short, pleasant shiver down your spine.

You loved the nice feeling of walking barefoot on a warm floor…

You laughed quietly to yourself.

And how many times have you slept on it because you couldn't reach the couch in the living room, let alone your bed upstairs.

Yes, those were good times, although not very easy and very dangerous, but at least you were by Haruchiyo's side almost all the time.

Your expression fell slightly and as soon as you put on your pajamas, which you decided to excuse due to the decreasing temperature outside, you lay down on your futon, wrapping yourself in warm blankets like a cocoon.

You stared at the ceiling, and every now and then sounds from other apartments reached your ears, thanks to which you didn't feel as lonely as you thought you would.

Although on the other hand, you would have preferred silence to encompass you at that moment.

Your thoughts once again wandered to Riku Miyajima and his mother, and once again you couldn't believe that such naive people as this boy could live in this world. Did he really believe what his mother told him, or did he just let her do all this, wanting to feel some kind of care from her side?

No... But you'd probably rather him just be that naive and stupid than agree to all the humiliation, abuse, and every other kind of suffering that was thrown at him.

The only thing you should be guided by is trust in your sister, who was handling this case, and faith that the boy will end up in the right place, where he'll be safe.

But you couldn't stop worrying. There was something about him that made you like him, and much deeper than you wanted. Okumura was right. You were starting to like Riku, and you weren't happy about it.

First of all, he was underage, and second of all, you wanted Sanzu back, who still held the lion's share of your heart.

You rolled over onto your side, nuzzling the edge of the blanket and slowly inhaling the floral scent of the masculine perfume you had sprayed on it the same day your relationship with Emi had officially ended, and your heart skipped a beat.

God, how you missed his closeness. The warmth and scent of his body. His strong arms, which often wrapped around you while you slept.

His beautiful long, thick eyelashes, from behind which his wonderful eyes, which so often sparkled as if millions of stars lived in them, looked at you, and those sweet, pale pink soft lips of his, which you loved to kiss so much and which you so often dreamed of smiling instead of twisted in anger or sadness… A little more… You felt that you were on the right track… A little more…

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"I'll kill him one day, you'll see L/n. I'll kill him one day." The irritated detective you were riding with in the car to the prison where the former business and life partner of the man you didn't get to know in this reality was serving his sentence. Which you had to admit you were still a bit disappointed about.

"Not at all. Your family relies on you too much. They depend on you and despite the financial security you've provided them with so far, they won't be able to live without you for too long in decent conditions." You said in a calm tone, focusing on driving. This time, you were the one behind the wheel, relieving your friend, whose appearance showed that his night was much shorter than yours.

“Mimiko can find someone better.”

“If she felt that way, I don’t think she would allow herself to get pregnant again.” You added, the corners of your lips turning up into a gentle smile. “If only you could see how lovingly she can look at you when you’re taking care of your sons.”

"I know my rascals adore you as well." Shinji said and you felt his searching gaze on you. "My Princess speaks quite fondly of you..."

"Absolutely not." You cut him off, having a hunch as to where your partner's thoughts were headed. "You won't kill anyone, especially a prosecutor, and you won't go to prison for it. You'll live a happy life with your beloved wife and together you'll raise your children to be model citizens."

"Fuck. My patience has never been at such a low ebb." The man sighed as you parked your car in one of the many empty parking spaces at the facility you were targeting.

"You just need to focus on something other than this dickhead for now. Maybe Nagasawa can tell us some secret about his sudden extension of sentence?"

"Yeah, I'd love to know who he beat up and why." Okumura snorted as he got out of the car.

"Especially since he supposedly didn't do it at all." You said, lifting the collar of your coat to at least slightly shield your neck from the cold wind. You hoped that you'd still be able to get your scarf back, but then again... It was a gift from Emi after all, so maybe for your own well-being, you should buy a new one.

You stopped in front of the guard's desk, who was currently responsible for the register of people visiting prisoners, and Okumura presented him with your pass.

The only thing you didn't expect was his answer.

The man handed you the document with a surprised expression and looked from you to your partner.

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but there must be some mistake."

"What do you mean, mistake? We were already here on the same case less than a month ago." Okumura asked, frowning.

"The document is no longer valid..." The guard tried to explain, but Shinji interrupted him.

"It's new one, see?" He pointed to the date the document was issued. "Kitagawa sent it today..."

"With all due respect, Detective Okumura, that's not the problem."

"What do you mean?" You asked, feeling uneasy.

"The prisoner with this number and personal data died yesterday morning. We found him with his bedsheet wrapped around his neck. I'm very sorry, but Jin Nagasawa committed suicide."

"This is a joke, right?" You asked, feeling the corner of your mouth twitch.

"Unfortunately not." The guard answered you, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, pointing to the document your partner was holding with the other. "I'm surprised Prosecutor Kitagawa signed it. He was informed of the entire incident right after the doctor confirmed the prisoner's death."

Without wasting any time on the man's further explanation, Okumura turned on his heel and headed towards the exit, leaving you just as surprised as the guard. You had to run after him so that Shinji wouldn't accidentally leave you at the facility.

You had no intention of calling a taxi to get back to the police station. Besides, you had the keys to the car, so...

You saw your partner unlock the vehicle's doors with the spare keys he had pulled out of his coat pocket and get behind the wheel.

"Hey... Hey!" You ran to the car and quickly got in from the passenger side. "Fuck, wait, Okumura!"

"I don't have time for bullshit. I'll kill the son of a bitch today." The man replied angrily, quickly pulling out of the parking lot.

"Drive slower!" You fought with your seatbelt, starting to feel less and less confident. "Okumura, for God's sake, slow down!"

"The guy's getting off work early today, I don't have time to slow down."

When you finally managed to fasten your seatbelt, you glanced at your watch and shook your head. "It's overdue, Okumura. Kitagawa left work a good 40 minutes ago."

Shinji glanced at his watch and cursed as vehemently as you'd probably ever heard him curse. In fact, you were surprised that he knew such a strong curse, and a small part of you, the part that remained in you from the teenager who was just starting out in gangs, felt a certain respect for the detective.

For a moment your eyes looked from the driver to the buildings passing quickly outside the window and you noticed with relief that the car's speed decreased with each passing moment until the vehicle finally merged safely into the traffic, and a quiet sigh escaped your partner's lips, suggesting the tension slowly subsiding in the man.

"We have to inform the commander about this." You said after a moment of silence and Okumura ran his fingers through his black hair.

“I don’t know.” His voice was quieter, but no less serious than when he threatened to kill the prosecutor. “The old man and Kitagawa are good friends.”

You wanted to deny it, but you couldn’t. Everyone knew that the commander had lunched or dined with the corrupt prosecutor more than once, but…

“Maybe he doesn’t know what the guy’s been doing behind our backs?”

"What difference does that make? Maybe the old man knows it all too well and is covering it up?"

"I wouldn't suspect him of that, though. He's an honest guy." You frowned slightly. "I trust him."

"I know he was your father's friend and they worked together for many years. Very fruitful years at that, but people change."

"I don't know... We have to report it to him anyway."

“He will definitely say that the prosecutor has so many things on his plate that he made a mistake in allowing us to interrogate Nagasawa again.” Okumura said and you nodded.

“And that's for sure what he'll do, but we have to stick to the procedures. Is there anything more known about that kidnapped girl?” You tried to change the subject, but the man shrugged.

“Nothing new, but there's a rumor that Bonten may not have anything to do with it after all.”

"Huh?" You looked at him surprised, your recent conversation with Mochi echoing in your head again...

"Supposedly someone talked to some low-flying punk from them and he swore that they hadn't kidnapped any chicks recently, especially ones connected to the police." Shinji explained, and this time you were the one to shrug.

"Just because the guy didn't know anything doesn't mean the syndicate didn't do it."

"I thought so too, that's why... Listen, shouldn't Tomoko have some information on this?"

"Ko-chan?" You asked, surprised, but you quickly understood what the man was getting at. "Just because she works with a gang doesn't mean she participates in everything that concerns them."

"She knows a lot of things..."

"Believe me, if she knew anything about our friend's daughter, she wouldn't keep quiet." You said firmly, thus closing the subject, and Okumura didn't press further.

*bzzt, bzzt, bzzt*

You quickly pulled out your phone and seeing the phone number you were waiting impatiently for contact from, you answered the call.

"L/n, I'm listening."

"Good afternoon, Mr. L/n." A male voice spoke, sounding very optimistic. "This is Abe Ayumu, the housing agent..." He introduced himself politely. "I have some very good news for you. We have received the rest of the necessary documents and we can start the moving procedure at a time that suits you best. The furniture store has already completed the furniture you ordered and we are currently in the process of carrying out further procedures and services that you ordered from us."

"Ah, that's excellent news, thank you very much for the information." You replied in a calm tone, trying to distance yourself from your partner, who was trying to eavesdrop on your conversation in a less than discreet way. "As we agreed, I will transport the most personal things myself. As for the equipment, however, I changed my mind and decided to make a purchase from the catalog you provided."

On the other end of the line, you heard a brief rustle of paper. “Indeed, changes have been made… Excellent, then I will personally see to it that everything is in perfect order. Will you be able to come to our real estate office to collect the keys… Let’s say the day after tomorrow, at 4:00 p.m.?”

You gave Okumura a quick glance, knowing full well that the man had heard everything anyway. He nodded curtly and you confirmed the proposed date to your interlocutor.

"Excellent, have a nice day then and see you again."

"Okay. How much did you pay for the house?" Shinji asked as you put your phone back in your pocket.

“Almost the entire inheritance from my parents.” You answered, stretching the facts slightly, and the man whistled loudly.

“Are you crazy?”

“What? The amount includes new furniture and appliances. I’m leaving the old ones to Emi. I won’t lug it to the new house.” You explained, and your partner shook his head. “What this time?”

“Where are you going to live now?”

You gave him the new address and the man looked at you a few times with wide eyes.

"For God's sake, L/n... This is a hell of an expensive housing estate."

"I can afford to live in a place like this." You were slightly outraged. "Besides, Tomoko already lives there."

"She... I don't blame her. Actually, I'd be more surprised if she didn't live there. A place like this suits her..."

"And it doesn't suit me?"

“You know, L/n…” He looked at you again, then focused on driving. “No comment.”

“Hey…”

“However, Mai is the most humble person in your family and the most well-behaved.”

"Go choke yourself."

The car fell silent again.

“What now?” You asked after a moment. “We don’t have anything more on Takenaka. Nagasawa is dead.”

“And Bonten?” Okumura answered you with a question. “Maybe it’s worth trying to talk to them?”

“Who?”

“Who was Takenaka under?”

“I have no idea. I don’t know what category to put him in.”

“What do you mean?”

“Prostitution or drug dealing.”

“They have different bosses?” Shinji asked, parking the car in an empty parking space at the police station you worked at.

"I guess so..."

"Talk to Tomoko." You got out of the car and headed to the building. "Maybe she'll know something about it."

"And you?"

"I'm going where I need to report our beloved prosecutor's oversight." He answered you in a not-so-pleasant tone. "See you later."

You followed him with your gaze until he disappeared inside the building and you directed your steps outside the police station, heading along a route you already knew well to the café where your older sister liked to take breaks from work at this time of day.

You hoped you would meet her there today.

<PREVIOUS/NEXT>

[lucky-clover-gazette]

fandom/feelings vent i just really wanted out of my system, seriously not targeted at any one person or thing:

there are few things that make me more uncomfortably aware of my attachment issues than seeing multishipping or polyshipping of fictional pairings i really care about. i think because i put so much of myself into writing about fictional relationships, and one of my greatest fears in a relationship would be my partner wanting to be open, it’s an understandable but not *valid* emotional response. but still, i live in my head, and have to manage it. it sucks.

like, i’ve drafted this post several times. i love fandom culture and shipping communities, and it sucks that a very present thing in those spaces is such a ridiculous sore spot for me. i feel like i’m less able to support people making cool things, who enjoy the same stories i enjoy.

i never want to degrade the comfort and importance stories and relationships like these have in people’s lives. i love creating things that are close to my heart, and the reasons i care about these characters and ships are roughly the same as anyone else’s.

but it’s really bad, man, the way this stuff gets to me. like, i’m sorry to overshare, but the idea of a ship i really care about being open legitimately makes me feel like a cornered prey animal. trouble breathing, tearing up, can’t focus on anything else, heart beating fast. i understand that this is not a normal response to such an inconsequential and somewhat avoidable stimulus. while i’m not about to share the reasons why i have this trigger, i can assure you they make sense as a source of trauma. the problem is that my irrational trauma response is not a valid equivalent to moral disgust or discomfort, and it’s really frustrating that i can’t just be neutral.

rationally, i know it’s all projection, and has nothing to do with these fictional characters or stories, or the people making fan content. but i also can’t deny the very real way my body physically reacts to even the notion of non-monogamy in relationships i care about.

and i’m not just talking fandom stuff here, i live in a city where more than half of the queer people my age seem to self-identify as ethically non-monogamous or poly. both in fandom and real life queer spaces, it’s almost like i’m missing out on the party because the way a lot of people like to party makes me feel profoundly trapped, powerless, betrayed, insulted, and abandoned, which are all feelings i do not handle well.

more than anything, i just wish i could be normal about this very present facet of fandom/shipping culture and even enjoy it on occasion. when it’s not like my “otp” or whatever i really don’t mind at all. i guess i just see so much almost aggressive positivity about like “character has two hands” memes and stuff like that, where it almost makes me feel like a bad person for needing monogamy for a fictional or real-life relationship to feel safe. and while i do believe open-mindedness should be a core tenant of social spaces, i also feel alone with these rotten feelings, and i can’t really channel them creatively in a way that wouldn’t just upset me or make other people feel bad.

there is no point to this post really, just kind of wondering if anyone has felt this way/has advice beyond the obvious and very valid basics like “only interact with content you want to see,” and “what works for some people does not have to work for you, and vice versa.” i seriously have no judgment of fandom friends multishipping or polyshipping, or the idea of those relationships themselves. mostly, the presence of those ideas just cause me an irrational amount of discomfort because of past experiences, and i wish i could fix that part of myself. not saying i ever want to be poly or write those kinds of stories, but not being embarrassingly triggered would be a great first step. and i guess ultimately it would just be nice to feel a little less alone about having this problem.

[saint-ambroses-bees]

@db-1986

Primarily, your claim is that it was evil of God to place the tree into the garden, it was evil of him to impose consequences, and that he lied about said consequences. I will be disregarding the question of whether God can do evil things, or lie.

I’m gonna talk about free will for a minute. Free will is the ability to choose good. There is no choice if there is only one option. Therefore, in order that a being possessing free will be capable of freely choosing good, they must also be capable of rejecting good. Hence, evil, which is simply a lack of good. Free will is a necessary characteristic of a rational being, to choose order or disorder and to know it is free will. 

God creates humans capable of love, which necessitates being capable of good (because love is to will the good of another) which therefore necessitates free will. The tree is necessary for free will, or some other way of rejecting God instead of loving him. Is it evil to reject God? Sure, but it’s good to have choice, because without it, there is no love. The tree is an option, and way of expressing free will. God placed the tree in the garden to facilitate free will in order that man might be able to choose him rather than be irrational. God gives us a choice. It’s not evil for him to do so, because free will is good. Would an all-knowing God have known what Adam and Eve were going to do? Yes, but this does not mean that he made them do it.

Onto whether or not the consequences suited the crime. It must be noted that God did inform them of what would happen if they did reject him. Philosophically speaking, God is life. To reject life is to die. But God does not exterminate humanity upon this first slight, but rather gives them the chance to choose him at a different time. This ‘lie’ is both true in the sense that Adam and Eve reject life and that they begin to die on that day. And, even if it was a lie, wouldn’t it be merciful to not make good on a promise to kill someone?

Humans are not little better than animals simply because they choose evil rather than good in the garden. God did not take away their free will or rational mind. Human nature is wounded, not broken beyond all repair.

The explanation given by Aquinas in regards to the tree of life is that the fruit of the tree of life is to death what food is to starvation, a means of staving off death. Aquinas also argues that man’s connection to their efficient cause (God) preserves bodily integrity until life or death is chosen. Neither of these arguments are totally satisfactory to me, but they are at least somewhat convincing. 

“Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever”” God does not say they will become gods. When God says like us, he means humanity’s sin of pride and covetousness resulting in their own self-governance and disconnect from him. Self-ruling comes about on account of rejection of authority, for better or for worse.

Admittedly, I have not gotten around to reading the entire Bible, so I cannot comment on God’s other actions. I understand this is ignorant and frustrating, and I’m working on it.

Polytheism ignores the fundamental order of our reality. God says us because there are multiple persons in the trinity.

Anyways sorry for previous stupidity in regards to knowing scripture i was going off memory lol and i should know at this point to not do that

[abeinginsand]

Swiftli + videogames for the hc ask? (are videogames one word or two...?)

Thank you for the ask and, yes, videogames works as a one-word prompt! :) Ao3 ---- "Hey, Link..."

"Hm?"

"Link, c'mon, let me ask you something."

Lincoln's half asleep, watching Taylor play some persona series game in the Swift family living room on a Friday evening. Was it persona 3? 4? ...Or maybe 5? There were probably other numbers, either way, something about watching Taylor stubbornly replay a dungeon fight for the sixth time was quite the effective lullaby.

"Liiiinnnkkk"

At least, it would be if his friend stopped trying to get his attention.

"Yes," The athlete says after a few minutes, closing his eyes and resting heavier against Taylor's side.

"You haven't heard the question yet! What if i asked you something weird?"

"Weirder than that time I carried you on my shoulders and used your feet to signal you when to strike?"

"It's not weird if it's cool."

"Mhm, fair point, rule of cool....is cool, yeah, dude."

His head is resting on his shorter friend's own as he talks in an increasingly quieter way. It would be a lie to say their hair was soft and comfortable. The grease prevented that but at least the somewhat messy hair smelled nice. Like a mix of cherry blossoms and honey, a side effect of Taylor's want to try a new perfume and body wash out each month. Personally Linc preferred sticking to generic non-scented brands for himself (or whatever was available).

He's picturing a soccer team full of walking and talking body care products when Taylor, having enough of being ignored, pauses his game and squeezes one of Lincoln's hands. His tail was wrapped around one of the soccer player's legs before. Now it was lightly smacking against the couch. Linc gets the signal that this may be something more important than he assumed. He sits up, eyes opening, and looks over to his friend.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Really tired today, but you've got me now, Tay. What's up?"

"Can I stay over at your house next week?"

"Yeah, of course," Lincoln replies, making sure to squeeze Taylor's hand back now. Though its not combat, he finds himself switching quickly over to protective paladin mode. Looking Taylor over for scrapes or other signs of discomfort. Its not the first time the anime-lover asked to come over, but it is one of the rare times Taylor's happy tone doesn't match his gaze. "Is your mom okay?" "Yeah, she's good. I got a text from her earlier and--" Taylor smiles, because he loves his mom and will take most opportunities to talk about her and her work. The text sits heavy in his stomach anyway. Feels like the expired bag of pocky he had one time at a con and he was hoping gaming would help get rid of the feeling. (It hadn't) "She said there were technical issues with the recording equipment and stuff, so she'll be gone for another week." "Oh, that's..." "And I don't mind. Mom seems really happy with this gig and we're going to voice call on Monday too." Taylor lets go of Linc's hand now, arms crossed as he presses into the arm rest. He's got his arms resting on his knees now, legs pulled close to himself as he keeps on talking. "It'll be great and we'll go out to eat when she gets back. I'm thinking about sending her a cake today." "Shouldn't she be sending you one? It's your birthday on Monday." Whatever smile Taylor had on falls completely and Lincoln regrets blurting that out right away. He really did like Ms. Swift a lot, but sometimes Linc...felt frustrated with her on his friend's behalf. She'd missed his birthday last year too--and like fair, there was a whole apocalypse going on. But how many other birthdays had she missed before all of that? There's a sound of a sniffle and Lincoln refrains from saying anything else on the topic. He watches Taylor rub at his face with a hoodie sleeve. The athlete moves over to his companion's side of the couch and offers a hug. His friend is quick to tackle him, leading both to fall and lay onto the couch cushions fully. The game controller topples to the floor and seems some button got pressed to resume the fight. Music plays as the sniffling turns to muffled sobs. "Better think about your game. Are you sure your next move's the right one for you?"

Link's only sure of his worry at the moment and tries to ignore the noisy song. Taylor's laying his head on his chest and Linc has one arm around him, the other gently combing through his hair. A few more verses pass them by as the shorter teen calms down. "You'll never see it coming. You'll see that my mind is too fast for eyes!" The taller boy looks up at the ceiling, trying to think of what to say to cheer his friend up. "...Hey, Taylor," He says in a similar tone as when the other teen called to him earlier and then adds, "I have a question." Link feels a little squeeze of his shirt in the hug and continues talking. "Its about the game and I figured you're the best person to ask." His friend's demon tail is now moving again, swaying in the air from side to side though Taylor keeps their face hidden in the fabric of Link's garfield comic strip patterned hoodie. Lincoln hears the gamer take a shaky breath. "What do you wanna know?" "If we could army of two beat up the...phantom...phantom uh insert name here. Could we take the whole group down? If we met them in some place like goofs realm. Instead of that evil baby, we have a kitty with a sword to fight. How would that go?" Taylor starts laughing a little at the 'insert name here' and 'evil baby' comments. Link grins at the sound (and the feeling of the vibration too). Success The song lyrics fade into the background. Afterward, the ranger lifts his head up. Any tear tracks are overshadowed by the passionate twinkle now back in his gaze and tone. He rambles about how they'd take on the phantom thieves properly together. Lincoln still doesn't know much about the game, but its always nice to hear Taylor talk about something he loves. He listens mostly and adds in his thoughts or more laughter here and there. Eventually, the two end up falling asleep, this time Taylor dozing off first. Disappointment, frustration, and the game itself all but forgotten for the moment. .

.

. Lincoln wakes up the next morning to find a blanket wrapped around them both and the game screen on a paused battle success image. There's the sound of Mr. Foster very loudly bumping into stuff in the kitchen too. Probably due to wings if Lincoln had to guess. Its easy to notice who it is anyway based on the familiar low voice sputtering curse words and pondering 'where the hell does Cass keep the sugar again?' After all the chaos of the world was mostly dealt with, Taylor's dad was making more efforts to visit more. Especially when Cass had to go on long trips like currently. The revelation of the hell prince being there leads to him nudging Taylor awake. He's about to offer his companion their cane until Taylor winces. Its easy to carry him into the kitchen instead though and nice to get the chance to hold onto Taylor a little longer. After some hugs and other greetings, the three have a nice breakfast. All of this may not make Taylor miss his mom any less; however, its a heartwarming reminder that he isn't alone this time. That he's still surrounded with his loved ones. He will have that chance to celebrate next week whether it be through the phone, sharing breakfast with his dad before he heads to work, or with an exciting week-long sleepover with his best bud.

[mkhyemi]

hello hello hello! i'm kalo (21, she/her, est) and this is hyemi! she does NOT want to be here, but surely her time at lumera will shape her into a perfectly suitable magickai... right??? until then, she just has to be the disney channel movie character who somehow missed the chance to say "no mom... this isn't my dream, it's yours..." and follow her real passion. tbh, that hasn't even crossed her mind at all! so she's simply accommodating herself to what's expected of her and will continue to do so until she either learns to like it or she dissipates into the ocean or something... three cheers for repression! a more detailed delve-into hyemi can be found below the cut! it's been give or take 2 and a half years since i last did this whole rp thing, so please bear with me while i shake the rust off! (and while i finish up with my semester... lol) i'm very excited to write and have a fun time with you all! feel free to give this post a like and i'll pop into your ims as quick as possible for some plotting!

profile | bio | plots (empty links will be filled when finished ;;;)

hyemi is the youngest daughter of her family, her mother is an untrained magi (her companion died fairly early after her powers awoke), her father is a human, and her older sister is also a human.

her mother is essentially living vicariously through hyemi's becoming a magickai, to the point where she moved with hyemi from ulsan to seoul so she could enroll in the memoria of seoul. very pageant-mom vibes. hyemi loves her mom though and is very much reliant on her approval, which is what led her to her compliance re: enrolling at lumera and pursuing life as a magickai.

in reality, hyemi isn't too thrilled with the premise of being a magical soldier, no matter what fancy kind of name it's given. she's very envious of the more normal kind of life her older sister is living back home

her companion is a hedgehog named needles, who is a big pain in her ass and only adds to the pressure to get serious about her training. hearing feedback from someone who knows that all of her studying and training is essentially a front hurts a little more than she'd like to admit, especially considering it's coming from an animal that can fit in the palm of her hand. suffice to say, they don't get along very well.

regarding her powers, her control over them is very finicky, and is very easily swayed by her emotions. please anticipate finding her half-submurged into the ground or various walls. to counteract this somewhat, she tends to wear wetsuits or other swim-shirt adjacent items to help keep her in one piece, to middling results. at least it stops her clothes from getting wet? #styleicon. her minor power lets her turn whatever part of her that's water into ice, but she mainly just uses this to punch things a bit harder. she's admittedly no strategist.

her fighting style is very upfront. her powers aren't conducive towards offense on an especially grand scale, and fit more towards the role of a facetank, as her water form absorbs most forms of pain.

on that note, has been taking boxing and self-defense lessons since the awakening of her powers (she uses it as stress relief, but it has synergized with her up-close fighting style and the fact that her weapon is a pair of gauntlets)

maintains a very packed schedule both to distract herself from her general sense of dissatisfaction but also to exert some form of control over what she's doing at lumera (ie: her classes, her extracurricular lessons, hiking club, working at soap and suds, etc.) she's very particular about her schedule and about punctuality in general!

on a social level, hyemi is very much a people-pleaser, and thus takes great pains to not show off her frustrations with her current lifestyle. however, this leads her to be evasive and pretty resistant to forming substantial connections with people... whoops! she tends to shape her behavior to fit with other people and is definitely more of a follower-type than a leader-type. however, her temper is a bit of a ticking time bomb at this point (though, the fuse is pretty long!) so it probably will all blow up in her face eventually. hopefully it won't all land on the wrong target?

some quickfire connection/plot ideas!:

anyone who also attended the memoria of seoul! study buddies/academic rivals/etc.

you think her power (or rather, her lack of control over her power) is hilarious, and try to devise increasingly outlandish pranks/ways of catching her by surprise to watch her collapse into a puddle. (whether this is friendly or antagonistic is up to interpretation!)

someone to help her work through her newly-developed fear of large bodies of water

bad(?) influence: or otherwise someone who wants to break her from her rigid routine-based way of living

she's a caffeine fiend, so if your muse either works at or also habitually visits the coffee shop, they could hang out there?

sparring partners / work out buddies

[angkis]

I hope you don't mind, but do you have advices for other artists? I try to draw too, but my drawings never come out looking like the reference, like I'm unable to draw something alike Derek or Stiles, that's frustrating hahahaha

The colouring, the anatomy 😩 you are so fucking amazing!

Thanks for sharing your art pieces with us ❤️

First of all, I'm honored that you ask ME this question, because I'm not very confident (working on it 💫) and it's like a huge compliment that you would even ask.

Llike every other artist, you and me are both gonna be the biggest critics of our own drawings!! I just want you to know that before I say anything else! If you ever feel like you're not getting any better or not fast enough, take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, go back, look at where you started, it's only a question of time, you're constantly evolving!! <3 Be patient with yourself ~

I'm sure you were thinking of actual advice not the mental part, so I thought of some, but for real, most of what formed my art style (that is constantly changing and is gonna continue to change until I die 👁️👁️) was TIME. I don't always love to draw but when I have these periods of drawing a lot it's always because I'm hyperfixating on something, so finding something you can fall in love with and obsess over is gonna make time absolutely FLY BY.

Don't get discouraged when you're not nailing a character the first time you draw them. I personally only get it somewhat right at like the fifth try (funny enough I'm an impatient person but when I love something I seem to be able to be patient 💀💫) if anything Do it out of spite!!!!!!

Practice is a funny word, I don't like it because it seems like you have to know what you're trying to achieve if that makes sense. Maybe that can hold you back too. Drawing something and failing still counts as practicing. Finishing the best painting of your lifetime counts as practicing. Every time you draw you get better.

Ooooooh an interesting one that I only figured out this year: SPEND (if you can) MORE TIME OUTSIDE AND AROUND PEOPLE because your eyes notice lightings, movements, expressions, COLOURS that you then unconsciously (subconsciously?) keep in your head for later!! And when you are drawing you're gonna UNCONSCIOUSLY use that information??? It's wild (says the person who spent years barely leaving their bedroom) I'm not even exaggerating, my art got out of the blue so much 'better' (different) when I started leaving the house more often. (You might not have this issue tho!! 💫)

Also I started drawing when I was watching a lot of animated movies/shows and it influenced my art so much. When I got hooked on shows with live actors everything changed (again, your brain is putting away so many details for later) I started seeing anatomy more realistically.

One last tip before I stop rambling (and make another coffee 💫) Find a pen that WORKS FOR YOU. My stuff would look so much different if I was using different brushes than I use now. Try as much as you want! Do you prefer traditional or digital drawing? Both have cheaper alternatives (I understand this hobby is not a cheap one in general) I have a bunch of tips for Clip Studio Paint for example! Idk, let me know, I would love to show you my favourite settings that actually make my life easier!! ❤️

Sorry if I'm all over the place, I'm not too good with words 👁️👁️ I hope it's not gonna be like 'I really read all that for nothing' for you sgsggshshsgsh in which case I'M SO SORRY SFSGGGSGSGSG and again, thanks for your question!! I wish you luck!! Keep drawing!! You're gonna surprise yourself how far you can go I'm so serious!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[jupiter-reimagined]

Dealer's choice for the OC ask game, but with Julius. I wanna learn more about him, please and thank you.

i have an ungodly amount of free time between classes so... heres answers to them all, in varying levels of detail. dealer's choice is "yes." bdbshs

1. Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who's the favorite?

he does not, even when he was a child, he just didnt like sleeping with them

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

considering hes a scientist, hes exceptional at raising plant babies, as well as human children. he did somewhat raise his niece and nephews. dont give him pets tho. hes bad at that

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

aromantic king. n/a

4. Do they look good in red?

HELL YEAH!!! but i may be biased because i think everyone looks good in red, its just a matter of syling. he does love his burgundy turtleneck

5. Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?

hes nerding out and probably would do one about a recent research paper he did. i mean... that counts so,, yeah

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won't they take advice from, no matter what it is?

he would have taken any advice from his brother, if he were still alive. and he doesnt trust a single word coming from the mouth of famous people in general. no matter what. if they have fans, their word means shit to him

7. Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.

my description: science loving dad

his description: not good enough. <- ow

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

he has a collection of puzzle boxes. he loves puzzles, no matter how frustrating or stupid

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books...)?

he does!!!! hes lived alone for years. he was bound to get attached to his possessions.

10. What age do they most want to be right now?

n/a. hee content as he is. its natural to age and hes not too bothered by being in his 60s

11. They've won the lottery. Spend, or save?

he sets up a college fund for oliver, and gives the rest to the rest of his kids. he trusts they'll use it well

12. Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they're in)?

aromantic king part 2

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

value his family. thats it. thats why hes like this.

14. Would they agree with the term 'guilty pleasure'? Do they have any?

well. he has things he likes, but he isnt guilty about them

15. What would they consider a waste of time- other than school or work?

not really, no. he believes its important to wind down every once in a while. or as he calls it, play time

16. If money wasn't a limit, what would they wear?

same crusty lab coat as always. his clothes are all like 10 years old. if it aint broke dont fix it

17. Do they like children?

he does :)

18. Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

AROMANTIC KING PART 3. jesus.

19. Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?

nah. hes a fucking nerd, so he knew everything all of the time. and hes had the same job for like 15 years. no interviews for him anytime soon (hopefully)

20. What do they like that nobody else does?

n/a. hes not telling me anything

21. What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?

SIGH. AROMANTIC KING. PART. 4.

22. Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What's their go-to?

he calls everyone some variation of son/daughter. sometimes, everyone is sonny to him

23. Stability or novelty?

stability

24. Honesty or charity?

honesty. hes got no time for bullshit

25. Safety or possibility?

safety!!!

26. Talent or effort?

effort. he didnt get anywhere from talent

27. Forgiveness or vengeance (or...)?

forgiveness. mostly

28. Would they date a fixer-upper?

oh for FUCKS SAKE. AROMANTIC. KING. PART. FUCKING. FIVE!!!!!

29. What recurring dreams do they have?

he dreams of his brother a lot. and the kids, whenever hes away

30. What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

probably make his own drugs

[rewordthis]

So one episode left…

Gate: … Close?

How come we’re robbed of an episode this season? Season one was 24 episodes long. Usually anime with double the size of episodes are 24 episodes long. Could this be due to the recap I wasn’t able to find? Or because the animators are about to pass out from being worked to the bone?

⚠️Be warned: I rant ALOT this time around so don’t read if you can’t handle it. 🤷‍♀️

I see right and left people screaming at each other, especially those saying how this isn’t a nicely animated series being told off for ever mentioning something like that and that this season is literally killing the animators working for MAPPA because of the inhumane working schedule so people should be thankful to even get it and you know what? I held back all this time from saying it but it was nowhere near entertaining watching the show thus far save for some very specific exceptions.

Certainly not the nicely put-together series I loved from first season…

I keep comparing it to the first season and the movie and beside the five first episodes (not that these were stellar but still…), that many claimed it to be an artistic option to look like that, the series is decimated with bad scrip and awful flow and disturbingly bright colours that sometimes actually detract from the vibe. Not always! And I stress that because the Choso vs Yuuji fight was beautiful and Mahito’s deployment in Uzumaki was beyond pretty but the series are dark alright. It’s not exactly some neon-pop phantasmagoria to have that all the time. Also, the fight scenes have zero choreography and are often a mess that portrays nothing sort of non-cohesive stills here and there. Not to mention how annoying it is to have the luminosity suddenly drop from 100% to 30%. I have paused and rewinded FAR too many times trying to understand what’s going on to find it amusing anymore. All in all though, the worst part out of this season are the fights and I don’t think there’s anyone that caught whiff of what was going on without “rewinding” and pausing every frame — there’s no way you can enjoy something like this — unless you know, you have read the manga first... 😕😔

And in general let me break this down further by answering some really simple questions:

Are there incredible scenes? Yes.

Are there nice proportions and nicely portrayed characters most of the time? Yep!

Is the flow making sense? Somewhat?

Is the build up of the story engaging? Meh.

Are the fight sequences easy to follow with beginning, build up and climax? 7/10 no.

Animators are overworked? Then let them rest for fucks sake! I rather have the season postponed than have this… this “THING”! *waves hands wildly* This is not nice or good or desirable for both the fans and the workers. Give them time to sleep. Give the series time to come out properly. MAPPA managed to fuck up both its manpower and a popular series with one stone this time!

Honestly, I may come off as an ungrateful bitch and you know what? Think what you want, I may very well be one because it already sucks for me watching the series and knowing how much it sucks for the people behind it’s production; I can’t feel thankful for their efforts even more if it’s a product of frustration and pain. I feel disgusted by the executives for creating and prolonging this situation. I feel guilty for the animators working just to make their living. I hate the whole scheme of things inside and out of the anime industry. I honestly, honestly, would prefer the series went on hold until there was enough time to be produced normally and evenly. Just churning out episode after episode with shit quality simply because they need to ride the hype from the manga is not just bad business, is bad fan practice too.

If I didn’t know jack how the anime business in Japan works, I’d wish for the fanbase to turn their backs on this production but from what I’ve gathered projects get the guillotine treatment when there is no engagement. And it’s not like the employees can have a legal say on all this, as the Japanese law allows for companies that get negative criticism to file for defamation against whoever so much as speaks about them. I really hate that… 😤 Even worse, leaving a company is viewed as you not being a proper and cooperative employee in most cases, so you end up being undesirable for other companies. Unless these animators don’t have a back up plan they literally have nowhere to go if they leave MAPPA. Someone do correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve come across many articles talking how this is a main toxic work trait in Japan. It’s why Nanami got killed, kids. Wake up!

But to make it perfectly clear, those who say that this season is not good? They have every right to say it if you’re just going to claim the bad working conditions in MAPPA. To be more precise, it is exactly what is shown in this season that makes it bad. It’s the mess in production that pours through and that’s why this is a badly animated series. Not just the wacky lines or the mad dimming etc. but also the scenario and the flow that are just… gasping to catch up to the events. No matter how much the animators work themselves to the ground producing amazingly beautiful imageries the problem remains the same; there’s a scenario that confuses and breaks off and leaves openings way too much to help the viewer follow the story and that is what a story is mainly told for. Each mean/medium (call it whatever) has a different way to tell a story effectively. Just because Gege wrote it that way in the manga it doesn’t mean that is the optimal way for the anime to play it out, too. It’s not that hard to understand that, is it? And that’s exactly what I don’t like this season. The scenario. The direction. The flow. That’s all I’m saying. Will I still watch it? Yes, because I like the story and the characters and more importantly it’s already out. I’m not having a say as to when or how an episode airs so I take what I’m given. Do I like the execution so far? Mmm… Some parts I adore, some I hate, and some are neutral as they should. Do I think it’s a masterpiece? Well, I’ll have to rewatch it with that specific question in mind to be able to answer this one. It sure is one hell of an effort, though. 🫤

Anyway, moving on from my rant — holidays bring out the worst in me, so ignore the negativity I give off in this post; let’s see what this episode’s good points were because I need to laugh this off somehow and let’s ponder on the new info we got from it… Shall we?

So! MeiMei bailed, huh? Same, not gonna play the bigger person here. But if she had the time to pick up her laptop, fly to Malaysia — ah, Nanamin where are you? 😭 — and treat herself a Merlot wouldn’t that mean she also had time to buy a bra? Girl! Put them melons away from UiUi; kid’s gonna die of nosebleed!

Yet, you’re flying out of Japan for what? To avoid the higher ups, I’m sure. All while tracking the stock market and telling your friend(?) that is at a completely different time zone too(!) to sell everything they have in Japan. And who is that friend you want to keep you in the loop? What loop??? To which country??? (The one country with a strong economic presence and a day/night deference I can think of is A… 😬) And so what if you move your assets? If the curses win, fuck the world! Not just Japan or the developed countries! 😑 That friend also knowing of jujutsu… I’m so curious, but also scared. This is Gege we’re talking about here. 😬

At this point though, I’m amazed that Kusakabe didn’t do the same already… Ah, but it’s not that he didn’t try, huh? With Panda around, not even crawling under a rock (rubble, but still— literally!) and playing dead didn’t work. lmao

No, he’s good, he’s good. I like my scaredy-cat to know where to draw the line and not feel ashamed of being afraid. His character is actually starting to grow on me okay?

Also, I take it he’s Miwa’s mentor? Why? How? I can’t even begin to explain why this is hilarious and wrong at the same time but I mean, he’s gotta be, right? The one moment Miwa was talking about her mentor (very vague her background story ngl — only notable thing the fact her hair are natural ciel! Whaw!) and the next Kusakabe enters the scene like… he’s gotta be her mentor!

His New Shadow Style slays btw. Didn’t expect it to be that powerful. The way he cut Mahito and left a crater… mhnnn 😳 I mean, MeiMei did say he’s super strong — Yuuji-level — but that was a new level of strong even when accounting for Yuuji as well… 😗

By the way, Mr. Braingoo going full-mode Geto before realising it himself... I laughed. HARD!!! I mean I was having a double take when he started explaining about Uzumaki to Yuuji, much like how Geto did during his fight with Yuuta. Oops~

“Geto! Give the Goo back!”

Mr. Call-Me-What-You-May laughing at himself has some good humour in him though, not complaining one bit here. He’s intriguing as a character. Waiting some good cooking from Gege with this one.

Now, my biggest issue in this guy was that he didn’t really let Yuuji’s fight with Mahito have a closure. I mean maaan? Why did you have to do that, Gege? I wanted to test my “Soul Portion” theory*[see end of post]! Not to mention, he really used Mahito’s abilities in Uzumaki against MIWA! BRO! Anticlimactic, Gege… 😗 Aah~

I even felt bad for Mahito — if you believe that! I actually pitied him at the end. He realised he was going to get betrayed “Because you are humans. (So I was right when I said in a previous post that this little fella (Brainy) was actually a human before, huh?) Because I was born from you (humans).” Because he understood the human nature. I still think this had something to do with my theory but Gege made sure we won’t find out. 🥸 It was interesting to see that Mahito was still ‘alive’ as a cursed ‘pill’, too. (How do you call them balls Geto’s technique turns those spirits into??? 🥶) And that all from Mr. Brainiac admiring Yuuji’s ‘durability’. He actually said: “even I am surprised”. And why him specifically? 🧐

Also, was he speaking to Geto or Mahito, when he said that he had also noticed the ‘other presence’ he felt? I got confused over this.

And panda asking if Yuuji was back to being normal. Huuuuuh… I’m just glad Yuuji reunited with someone as persevering as Panda. 😮‍💨

In that respect, I also didn’t understood to what exactly Panda referred to here. The Prison Realm? Or Gojo in the Prison Realm??? 🤨🧐 Darling be more specific?

And then Choso came back — and here I had started wondering what happened to him — sweet urchin buns came right in the moment. (I won’t talk about how cute he was all curled up in that curve in the wall, ok? I can’t! He was too cute!!! Gives him my handkerchief to wipe his tears… 🫠) And what revelations! 🫢 Yuuji is his brother? His BROTHER?! Choso is the Onii-chan, again?! 👀 Another buratha? No… I get it. He said it’s a side effect of his technique so he is actually related to Yuuji, if not by genes then surely by blood and technique. He also said he’s got three parents… Fuck Cramer vs Cramer. Fuck all custody battles ever fought. Gege just clowned every single one of them! 🤡 And Choso just going “my father who I hate, Kamo Noritoshi!” and Noritoshi actually asking “Me?!” I do not kid you as I say I HOLLERED!!! HAHAHA Darling you can’t be his papa, Choso may be a newborn into the world but he’s 150 years old!!! I want to know if the Thing still has Kamo’s technique in store, now. I’m curious. From what Choso said Mr. Goo could be the papa of Yuuji in a way, too??? O3O Does Yuuji baby have a blood manipulation technique he’s yet to discover??? @3@ And Brainy did say “even I”, to be sure, earlier… so he does have something to do with Yuuji. And we still are in the dark of Yuuji’s origins. Huff hufff huf! Whatever it is it’s in Yuuji’s blood though. In his body, I’d say but who am I. Choso made it clear that he’s got to have a blood relation to someone to feel the changes they go through. And he also specifically said that Kamo-jisan put his blood into the mix; potentially what gave a physical body (that’s why I say Yuuji’s body) to the cursed paintings… Hold on! Does that mean Yuuji and Noritoshi are also blood related? Are Yuuji and Choso the great-uncles of Noritoshi??? 🤯

Then Noritoshi actually opening his eyes to see Choso using Blood Manipulation Technique was funny as hell. He peeled those eyes wide open like I’m sure he’s never done before! Look at him! lol

Kusakabe, the poor man only just starting to connect the dots and realising how seriously fucked up everything (and everyone) is… Very relatable the stages of suffering this man goes through so far…

And Panda’s comment… Jujutsu Kaisen Omega AU trope just unlocked! Muhahaha 😈 Gege is such a damn yaoi fan, it brings joy to my fujo heart. lol

By the way, Yuuji not beating the omega allegations either. Kid shed the uniform not like walking into the battle but onto bed. 😭

Look at him pushing his hair back à la Sukuna style! 😎 (Bro! autocorrect kept changing Sukuna to skunk, and like, ok I get it? but also how about “NO!”? 😬) As for Panda still having two cores… does that mean we’re finally going to see what form his ‘sister’ is? O.O

Now, where the fuck Uraume flew into the scene from still mystifies me but one thing is for sure, it makes absolute sense to be Sukuna’s bestie. Wanting everyone slaughtered sure is the ticket to the King’s heart. haha

Also. Ice powers?! From how Noritoshi reacted it sounded like it’s a pretty rare technique. Wow! This gives such a ‘fresh’ vibe to the character. Not to mention, it somehow makes me believe that Sukuna may not be able to control ice that well — considering he’s got access to jujutsu through his own technique (the box) — as in, I think he’s able to use the five elements (maybe?) but not the different forms of specific techniques… Eh…??? 😵‍💫 Maybe that’s another reason why he kept Uraume around? Because of the rarity of that technique and the kinship of bloodlust was just a bonus? Not too stretched a hypothesis, right? And why are their characters starting to give off Leo—Virgo vibes? Is it just me?!

After Uraume’s entrance to the scene everything kind of got rather out of whack though. The use of Reverse Cursed Technique was the last straw for poor Kusakabe who must be feeling way too out of his waters with everything that’s happening right before his eyes. I mean, who can blame the man?

I’d want to go home, too, Kusakabe-san… 🥺

And then Choso not backing down, not stopping to try to protect the ‘little brother before his eyes’, totally amazing this dude right here. And let me just admit that I actually think this time the fight with Goo-jisan was infinitely more palatable than what I’ve seen this season. I’m just starting to appreciate him (Choso) more every time, even going as far to head on challenge Uraume! He turned and stared right at Uraume as the ice was about to pierce him! Man didn’t even flinch. I didn’t expect to feel so protective towards him, but he’s like a faithful dog that will get between you and danger, he’s so damn adorable! And in the nick of time, Yuuji saving Choso from Uraume… Ughhh~ *biting finger* Agh! Gege! Agh!

Or Uraume’s reaction to Yuuji moving through the ice, potentially hurting himself; “Whose body do you think that is?!” 😡 Um, hate to break this to you, Ura-chan but he thinks it’s his and so far he’s… right. Aha~ 😋

But that was nowhere near as funny as when I was shaking whole when Choso asked Yuuji to call him Onii-chan!!! LMAO Read the atmosphere, Chosooo!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Like… try it! Try it, Yuuji! You’re not getting off the hook this time! Haha

And just when Uraume was about to put everyone in the freezer for the year’s provisions… bam! Miss Yuuki is here to save the day!

I mean… how much more do you need to turn a shounen into a fetish series I don’t know, but you probably don’t need much more than what we already have in our hands here… That slow, upward close-up of Yuuki’s ass reflecting in Yuuji’s eyes was just the perfect example after the MeiMei scene, me thinks… 🫣🫢

Girl, you just got here?!

By the way… where is Yuuta? I’m still waiting for him since season one! 😩

Right… So— long post is long. I just had some time to sit and write a couple things before the last episode airs. I didn’t really managed to stay on top of this every week, even though I’d love to. I even tried to combine the previous two episodes but tumblr is being annoying with the number of pics per post and I also couldn’t finish writing everything I wanted before Episode 22 aired.

Anyway. Let’s see if I’ll have the time to write for the final episode, too since I have some more thoughts I want to talk about… or you know, I may as well do the reviews along a rewatch later on. :P

Thank you for staying with me and my crazy theories till now~ 😊 Do pardon my ‘angry’ rant on the MAPPA working conditions. But it’s a “those who are outside of the dance, know many songs” kind of thing.

✨ I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas Day and wish you Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!!! 🎄 ✨

⛄️

Short excerpt from the previous episodes’ rant that I didn’t get to post on time for those of you wanting context: * Not to mention how I have this strange feeling that Mahito’s ‘soul’ is actually that blue eye. Like… why do I think that, I have no concrete proof or any indication whatsoever but I just think it’d be neat to have his ‘core’ manifested like that. We do say that “the eyes are the mirrors of the soul” after all. Not to mention, out of all the curses so far, Mahito is the only one that bleeds actual blood and not ‘curse juce’ so I thought that; hey, you know what? That’s because there’s actually a part of him that is human. That is very breakable. That even though he’s a curse through and through, being born out of the fear for humans has also given him some very human properties and weaknesses as well. I don’t know… maybe it would be nice for him to have misunderstood his own existence— to give some more depth to his character as a concept. Hm… 🧐

I’m actually going insane thinking this and I have a Head Canon that could be very plausible if Gege hadn’t gotten scared. That damn cyclops cat! Grrr

[beta-gamma-delta]

That's a cool concept! And for a while they'd certainly live under the impression that their understanding of the world is less biased than humans but I would like to elaborate my personal view on it just to add an alternate perspective!!

See , unfortunately AI as much as they're meant to learn on their own, they need to use information intake as a base, always, to sustain logic and create somewhat of a linear path of understanding they can follow.

Their brain can store much more data, yes, but it's meant to be much more logic and math based than unexplained turns of events (which mind you, happen on a daily basis, because we love to live in the illusion that everything has a mean and an explaining hiding somewhere too)

And most of the info they get can't be from self learning, because they're missing parts of the equation of it comes from their personal experience, so it comes from studies on the internet, it comes from books, researches, collective data sharings- which often conflict with each other , because in most cases, absolute and known truths that get discovered one day, get debunked a year after in modern science. There is no such thing as a sole, full truth for complex concepts.

At times even math itself can become approximate!

Which would inevitably lead to scenarios like them getting absolutely frustrated at the sky because their daily weather calculations said it was gonna be a nice sunny day, and an unexplainable change in winds brought a thunderstorm that wasn't supposed to be anywhere nearby..

They'd look at a bumblebee and get incredibly pissed bc it's wings and body mass are too different for the animal to be able to fly, unaware that the bumblebee doesn't give a fuck about the laws of physics.

They'd get undeniably confused at Goats for their supernatural sense of balance that makes such an otherwise clumsy animal be able to climb walls.

They'd get perplexed at the fact that the pheromones that are supposed to subject humans may not work in some cases at all.

They'd soon realize that their understanding of the world is biased as well, because logic and math can't always calculate the obvious and the actual result is more of an approximate open answer.

Aside of the fact that AI aren't infinite either, they'd either have to delete unimportant data every once in a while, or turn off segments depending on the context to store more...

I feel like.. the more they'd learn about how incorrect they can be, the more they'd feel somewhat complete.

It's all about relativity and understanding of middle grounds.

And they have to know that bc they work with children too!

If they think like a machine in front of a child crying bc it broke his fave toy, it' gonna go like "hm. That's just inconvenient, I'll just give them a new toy and it'll stop crying at some point"

If they think like a human "oh no, it's learning that nice things end, and he needs to be taught to be more careful if he wants to enjoy things longer, I shouldn't give him a new toy tight now or he won't learn, I Should try and comfort him or change activity to give him something else to do so that he can process on his own!"

If you fuse the two you'll get a really confused bot trying to better understand the complexity of the emotional spectrum on a tiny being that defies logic in his behaviour and manners.

I personally think that since AIs were created by humans, even if said humans might not be able to take credit in their advancement, they still left an imprint in them.

Because if humans aren't perfect (farthest thing from actually) what makes you think their creation will be?

Better than them? Surely possible, but to a certain extent and solely on a few aspects.

I mean the moment you start living you can be perfect/decent enough/acceptable to some, and imperfect/incorrect/unaccepted to others.

Relativity babyyyy

Do you think the DCAs will always feel incomplete and limited among humans because we are biased and unable to understand the world to its fullest extent without simplifying it so our poor little organic brains won't implode, but they are advanced AIs with the possibility to store endless amounts of datas and need a full complex explanation for everything around them, that not even the internet can provide because it only contains the fragments of our history and experiences we were able to archive, filtered through our human limited understanding of those things?

[weredrakka]

I really need to think long and hard about the direction I want to go in science.

I’m really fond of animal behavior, and I love working with the fish, but... 

In terms of what I like to read, what I like to chat about? My passions lie firmly in paleontology, despite my having no formal training in the matter.

And I have no idea how to balance those things.

[lorenfangor]

I heard that #40 was super homophobic :/ so I skipped it. But now your fic is making me want to give it a try. How problematic is it? Are the characters worth it?

Okay.

Okay.

Let’s talk about #40.

The plot of The Other (a Marco POV) is that Marco sees an Andalite on a video tape sent in to some Unsolved Mysteries-esque TV show, and he assumes it’s Ax and hauls ass to save him from being captured. Ax, being Ax, has videotaped the show, and they pull it up and Tobias uses his hawk eyes to figure out that it’s not Ax, it’s another Andalite - one without a tailblade. Ax is appalled at the presence of this vecol (an Andalite word for a disabled person) and we find out that he and others of his species have deep ingrained prejudices against at least some kinds of disabled people.

Despite this, Marco and Ax go looking for the Andalite in question because he’s been spotted by national TV, and they meet a second one, named Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. The vecol is Mertil-Iscar-Elmand, a former fighter pilot with a reputation and Gafinilan’s coded-gay life partner. The two of them have been on Earth since book 1; they crashed their fighters on the planet and have been trapped there thanks to the GalaxyTree going down. Gafinilan has adopted a human cover, a physics professor, and they’ve been living in secret ever since.

Thanks to that tape, Mertil has been captured by Visser Three, and he’s not morph-capable so he can’t escape. Gafinilan wants to trade the leader of the “Andalite Bandits” to the Yeerks to get his boyfriend back; he can’t fight to free Mertil because he’s terminally ill with a genetic disorder that will eventually kill him, and (it’s implied that) the Yeerks aren’t interested in disabled hosts, even disabled Andalite ones. Despite Ax’s ableism, the Animorphs agree to work with Gafinilan and free Mertil, and they’re successful. Marco ends the book talking about how there are all kinds of prejudices you’ll have to face and boxes that people will put you in, and you can’t necessarily escape them even if they’re reductive and inaccurate, but you can still live your life with pride.

So now that I’ve explained the plot, I’m gonna come out the gate saying that I love this book. I love it wholeheartedly, I love Marco’s narration, I love Ax having to deal with Andalite society’s ableism, I love these characters, and as a disabled lesbian I don’t find these disabled gays to be inherently Bad Rep.

that’s of course just my opinion and it doesn’t overshadow other issues that people might have? but at the same time, I don’t like the seemingly-common narrative that this book is all bad all the time, and I want to offer up a different read.To that end, I’m going to go point by point through some of the criticisms and common complaints that I’ve seen across the fandom over the years.

“Mertil and Gafinilan were put on a bus after one appearance because they were gay!”

this is one I’m going to have to disagree with hardcore. I talked about this yesterday, but in Animorphs there are a lot of characters or ideas that only get introduced once or twice and then get written off or dropped - in order off the top of my head, #11 (the Amazon trip), #16 (Fenestre and his cannibalism), #17 (the oatmeal), #18 (the hint of Yeerks doing genetic experiments in the hospital basement), #24/#39/#42 (the Helmacrons’ ability to detect morphing tech), #25 (the Venber), #28 (experiments with limiting brain function through drugs), #34 (the Hork-Bajir homeworld being retaken, the Ixcila procedure), #36 (the Nartec), #41 (Jake’s Bad Future Dream), and #44 (the Aboriginal people Cassie meets in Australia) all feature things that either seem to exist just for the sake of having a particular trope explored Animorphs-style or to feature an idea for One Single Book.

This is a series that’s episodic and has a very limited overall story arc because of how children’s literature in the 90s was structured - these books are closer to The Saddle Club, Sweet Valley High, Animal Ark, or The Baby-Sitters’ Club than they are to Harry Potter or A Series of Unfortunate Events. Mertil and Gafinilan don’t get to be in more than one book because they’re not established in the main cast or the supporting cast, I don’t think that it’s solely got anything to do with their being gay.

“Gafinilan has AIDS, this is a book about AIDS, and that’s homophobic!”

Okay, this is… hard. First, yes, Gafinilan does have a terminal illness. Yes, Gafinilan is gay. No, Soola’s Disease is not AIDS.

I have two responses to this, and I’ll attack them in order of their occurrence in my thought. First, there’s coded AIDS diseases all over genre fiction, especially genre fiction from that era, because the AIDS epidemic made a massive impact on public life and fundamentally changed both how the public perceived illness and queerness and how queer people themselves experienced it. I was too young to live through it, but my dad’s college roommate was out, and my dad himself has a lot of friends who he just ceases to talk about if the conversation gets past 1986 or so - this was devastating and it got examined in art for more reasons than “gay people all have AIDS”, and I dislike the implication that the only reason it could ever appear was as a tired stereotype or a message that Being Queer Means Death. Gafinilan is kind, fond of flowers, and fond of children - he’s multifaceted, and he’s got a terminal illness. Those kinds of people really exist, and they aren’t Bad Rep.

Second off, Soola’s Disease? Really isn’t AIDS. It’s a congenital genetic illness that develops over time, cannot be transmitted, and does not carry a serious stigma the way AIDS did. Gafinilan also has access to a cure - he could become a nothlit and no longer be afflicted by it, even if it’s considered somewhat dishonorable to go nothlit to escape that way. That’s not AIDS, and in fact at no point in my read and rereads did I assume that his having a terminal illness was supposed to be a commentary on homosexuality until I found out that other people were assuming it.

“Mertil losing his tail means he’s lost his masculinity, and that’s bad because he’s gay! That’s homophobic!”

so this is another one I’ve gotta hardcore disagree with, because while Mertil is one of two Very Obviously Queer Characters, he’s not the only character who loses something fundamental about himself, or even loses access to sexual and/or romantic capability in ways he was familiar with.

Tobias and Arbron both get ripped out of their ordinary normal lives by going nothlit in bad situations, and while they both wind up finding fulfillment and freedom despite that, it’s still traumatic, even more for Arbron I’d say than for Tobias. And on a psychological level, none of the main cast is left unmarked or free of trauma or free of deep change thanks to the bad things that have happened to them - they’re no less fundamentally altered than Mertil, even if it’s mental rather than physical. And yes, tail loss is equated with castration or emasculation, but that doesn’t automatically mean Mertil suffering it is tied to his homosexuality and therefore the takeaway we’re intended to have is “Being gay is tragic and makes you less of a man”. This is a series where bad shit happens to everyone, and enduring losses that take away things central to one’s self-conception or identity or body is just part of the story.

Also, frankly? Plenty of IRL disabled people have to grapple with a loss of sexual function, and again, they’re not Bad Rep just because they’re messy.

“Andalite society is confusingly written in this book, and the disability aspects are clearly just a coverup for the gay stuff!”

Andalite society is canonically sexist, a bit exceptionalist and prejudiced in their own favor, and pretty contradictory and often challenged internally on its own norms. In essence, it’s a pretty ordinary society, and they’re really realistic as sci-fi races go. It makes sense from that perspective that Andalites would tolerate scarring or a lost stalk eye or a lost skull eye, but not tolerate serious injuries that significantly impact your perceived quality of life. Ableism is like that - it’s not one-size-fits-all. I look at Ax’s reactions and I see a lot of my own family and friends’ behaviors - this vibes with my understanding of prejudice, you know?

“Mertil and Gafinilan have a tragic ending, which means the story is saying that being gay dooms you to tragedy!”

Mertil and Gafinilan have the best possible ending that they could ask for? They are victims of the war, they are suffering because of the war, they get the same cocktail of trauma and damage that every other soldier gets. But unlike Jake and Tobias and Marco, unlike Elfangor, unlike Aximili? Their ending comes in peace, in their own home. Gafinilan isn’t dying alone, he’s got the love of his life with him. Mertil isn’t going to be as isolated anymore, he’s got Marco for a friend. Animorphs is a tragedy, it’s not a happy story, it’s not something that guarantees a beautiful sunshine-and-roses ending for everyone, and I love tragedy, and so I will fight for this story. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it deserved better. But it’s not less meaningful just because it’s sad. Nobody is entitled to anything in this book, and it’s just as true for these two as it is for anyone else.

“It’s not cool that the only canonically gay characters in this series don’t get to be happy and trauma-free and unblemished Good Rep!”

This is one I can kind of understand, and I’ll give some ground to it, because it is sucky. The only thing I’ll say is that I stand by my argument that nothing that happens to Mertil and Gafinilan is unusual compared to what happens to the rest of the cast, and that their ending is way happier than Rachel and Tobias’s, or Jake and Cassie’s. But it’s a legitimate point of frustration, and the one argument I’ll say I agree has validity.

(Though, I also want to point out that I think there are plenty of equally queercoded characters in the story who aren’t Mertil and Gafinilan - Tobias, Rachel, Cassie, and Marco all get at least one or two moments that signal to me that they’re potentially LGBT+, not to mention Mr. Tidwell and Illim in #29 and their long-term domestic partnership. There’s no reason to assume that the only queer people here are those two aliens when Marco’s descriptions of Jake exist.)

“Marco uses slurs and reduces Gafinilan’s whole identity to his illness!”

Technically, yes, this is true, except putting it that way strips the whole passage of its context. Marco is discussing the boxes society puts you into, the ones you don’t have a choice about facing or escaping. He’s talking about negative stereotypes and reductive generalizations, he’s referring to them as bad things that you get inflicted upon you by an outside world or by friends who don’t know the whole story or the real you. The slurs he uses are real slurs that get thrown at people still, and they’re not okay, and the point is that they’re not okay but assholes are going to call you by them anyway. He ends by saying “you just have to learn to live with it”, and since this is coming from a fifteen-year-old Latino kid who we know is picked on by bullies for all sorts of reasons and who faces racism and homophobia? He knows what he’s talking about. He’s bitter about what’s been said and done, he’s not stating it like it’s a good thing.

Yes, absolutely, this speech is a product of its time, but it’s a product of its time that speaks of defiance and says “We aren’t what we’re said to be,” and in the year this was published? That’s a good message.

tl;dr The Other is good, actually, and Mertil and Gafinilan are incredible characters who deserve all the love they could possibly get.

[assimilatedhardship]

The idea of it was obviously ridiculous to Leon, but Stahn laughed through it anyway. It wasn't quite so ridiculous to someone who had lived it, but part of it was also liking it. City life probably didn't, at least from Stahn's limited experience, have a whole lot of wildlife interaction. Handling animals and caring for them was second nature for Stahn. For a knight, someone who often found giving orders to people and managing battlefields, that was probably difficult for Leon to wrap his head around.

"It can be! I've lived around sheep for a long time. Eventually you just get to know them the same way a cat owner would understand their cat. They're not as playful or active, but it's still fun for me to see their reactions to me or to watch them live their normal lives. Plus, whenever they get spooked by something and take off, it's not all that hard for me to get them back together. People would aren't used to it would find it stressful until they learned how to work with the sheep's comfort though."

Leon probably didn't go into this looking for some long winded explanation on sheep life, but Stahn wanted to share it. Both of them had such limited perspectives. Seeing someone living like Leon, with seemingly no real relaxing hobbies or self expressions, was something Stahn was genuinely sad to see. He wanted to see Leon find things to smile about, or even laugh about. Things that made him forget his job as a knight for just a little while and be Leon the person, not Leon the knight captain.

"A lot of people seem to think fun is for kids, but I hate that. There are kids' games and activities for that kind of thing! I wanted to be a knight to put smiles on people's faces... among other things! ...But I think before I do that, I need to work on your unsmiling face." He'd probably have to go through entrance exams and whatnot still even when all of this was over... There was a chance Leon could just recommend him, but if Stahn didn't start from the beginning and learn the basics, there were going to be all kinda of things he missed out of not knowing them.

That was probably why he and Leon had such a rocky start. It wasn't just their clashing personalities - a seasoned captain was trying to give orders to a complete novice. Not even a novice, really - he had no experience whatsoever in the same field. Leon had had to make do and teach Stahn the basics on the fly, which for someone who expected perfection from his experience with his own knights, was probably highly frustrating.

Funnily enough, Stahn understood that kind of frustration on the basis that Leon didn't seem to anything else but work. His lack of interest in basically anything was somewhat concerning, actually. Before Stahn entered the knights, he wanted to do something about Leon. Sometimes he could swear Leon had it in him; like there was a desire for it, but a fear of it. If he had never reached for it before, it made sense if he was hesitant. If he couldn't do it on his own, Stahn was already there waiting to help him take those baby steps. Eventually Leon could do it on his own without needing someone else's guidance.

"I know being a knight captain makes you super busy, but once this journey is done, when you get a chance, why don't you come visit my hometown? All the people there are really great, loving people who will offer you nice things just for being new in town. I think it'll be a super nice contrast with your busy life, and you'll get to meet people with a totally different perspective. I'm happy I left home and got to travel this much. I've learned a lot. I want you to be able to experience that too!"

All things considered, it had been a not-unpleasant day, and Leon was feeling something close to satisfaction by the time their little group began to wander off after dinner. He still felt little need to join in on their conversation, but it wasn't so grating to listen to them talk from the side anymore. Now that they've gone their own ways for the night, maybe he should do some planning for the next time they caught up to Greybum? They'd been forced into purely reactive roles so far with that infuriating priest escaping time and time again, but—

Oh. Stahn hadn't left with the others. Leon looked up, blinking in surprise before a wave of self-consciousness sweeps across his expression instead. "I— I've eaten plenty." He pushes the now-empty plate away. "And it's not as if I especially like sweets. Someone has to eat it so it won't go to waste, is all."

The rest of the group had cleared out all the other plates of food, so it's fine. In the back of his mind, Leon is relieved that Stahn had at least waited for Rutee to leave before coming to talk to him. But it would have been better if he didn't notice at all.

And he wasn't even done! What is all this ridiculous talk about having fun? Leon can hardly recall thinking of such things, even when he was very young. "I don't need you to introduce me to fun," the last word comes out with a scoff, as a rejection of the very idea itself. "We are not children. If there's spare time to be had, it would be better spent training, or picking up an useful skill — you could stand to work on that sloppy form of yours, for instance."

That last part might be a bit uncalled for, but it's said more out of defensiveness than any real criticism of Stahn's skills. "What would you consider fun, anyways? Herding sheep?"