#I love working with live animals even if they can be somewhat frustrating at times

[izvmimi]

stubborn - izuku x reader

cw: infidelity as a topic, escalating mind games, jealousy, tbh toxic behavior but it’s okay cuz uwu, fem!reader, smut (oral female receiving, use of the word ‘brat’, penetrative sex). 5.6k words. summary: izuku is as good at playing games as you are, or is he? a/n: a repost!

Izuku is far too placid when in the midst of an argument, you blurt out that you’re officially done with him. 

In fact, there’s the ghost of a smile that flickers on his features, and you know that smile. It’s the same smile he gives you when he teases you, especially when he’s balls deep inside you and you’re whining about how little more you can take while he coos and reminds you that you can give him just a little more room, the same way you’ve done many times before, right? 

It’s the smile that signals that he is in no way taking you seriously, that he knows you are completely and utterly wrapped. Your teeth clench and so do your fists.

“Midoriya.”

His eyebrows raise. From his vantage point, you look as cute as usual, eyebrows knit together and lips twisted into a snarl. It reminds him somewhat of an angry prey animal, he thinks, and he’s resisting the urge to pat you on the head.

“Yes, baby?”

He makes the mistake of widening his grin as he says this and defeated, you let out a cry of frustration, blood rushing to your ears and heart thumping as you rush out of the living room. There’s a loud slam that sounds once you’ve reached the bedroom and the hero is left alone to consider his actions. 

Izuku tolerates a lot from you, he thinks. It doesn’t mean he thinks he’s always right and does manage to begrudgingly accept his shortcomings, but the jealousy, the mood swings, and the neediness can sometimes get to him, even if they’re flaws you wear cutely. Giving you a moment to simmer down and letting the argument replay in his head, he lets out a sigh and settles on the couch to take off his boots. If you were out here, you’d complain about getting his sweaty suit off your furniture, but you’re not here, are you?

Izuku doesn’t think too much of the situation until he’s fully showered and knocks on the door to change into comfortable pajamas, only to find that the door is unlocked, you are laying on your stomach with your feet kicking, positively giddy, and in deep focus on your phone. Thinking that the argument has dissipated - you’re never mad at him for more than a couple hours anyway - he lets himself approach and decides against laying his entire weight on top of you, instead choosing to lay behind you, eyes on your form. You’re pretending you don’t even notice him.

“What’s got you giggling so much?” He finally asks, curiously turning to the side and resting his head on your shoulder. You don’t move sharply, instead allowing yourself to support the weight.

“I’m finding my replacement.”

He holds in a sigh that nearly rattles his bones.

“You can’t be serious.”

At that, you turn immediately, eyes wide, classic crazy look in your eyes. He purses his lips. 

You are definitely serious.

Before he can even begin to reason you, you excitedly show your phone to him, scrolling through a list of matches you’ve already procured for him, despite the fact that you could not possibly have been working on this for more than an hour.

“You’re quite popular, Mr. Number One Hero!” you chirp.

He rolls onto his back and grabs a pillow and screams lightly into it for a moment, before turning back to face you calmly. 

“Please delete this.”

“Why? I have three dates lined up for you over the next two weeks.” You pout. “You wouldn’t want to disappoint these lovely women, would you, Mr. Midoriya?”

There’s a nervous tick in his jaw at the polite appellation but he can see the glint in your eyes. Two can play this game.

“You’re right, and I trust you, darling,” he says, lips curling into a teasing grin. He rolls over onto his belly, pulling off the small towel that wraps around his waist and tosses it to the side, a motion that engages the muscles of his back just enough that you can pretend you don’t see them ripple. You try not to look at his ass because you’re angry. You are so, so angry.

“Give me the schedule and I’ll go. I don’t think they’ll manage to be as lovely as you, but I’ll try my best.” His green eyes twinkle as he watches you not look, then places a hand on the small of your back, and the contact almost shocks through your spine. 

You get up immediately and leave the room, ignoring his low chuckle as you hide the warmth blooming in your face.

—

Midoriya cannot believe he’s actually seated at a mom and pop restaurant at the end of the week with a woman he’s never met in his entire life. You had actually called his bluff at calling your bluff, and had even gone so far as to lay out his clothes in the morning and adjust the collar of his shirt.

“Can we not do this?” He had asked right before leaving the house. You’d simply smiled sweetly, venomously. 

“Real love awaits, sir!” You flashed him a thumbs up and the genuine way in which your teeth gleamed almost struck fear in his heart. “Go get ‘em, tiger!”

His entire way to the location, he had been considering what manner of trap this was. Would there be cameras? Kirishima, who was like an older brother to you waiting to beat his ass (even though he wasn’t completely sure what he did wrong and arguably may have done nothing wrong aside from being extraordinarily busy for the past two weeks)?

But alas, rather than a trap, or you in a different outfit, there was an admittedly beautiful young woman who smiled shyly back at him as he took his seat.

The first thing he does is tell the truth.

“Hi, um, yeah so…” he scratches his head. “Let me explain a couple things first before there’s any misunderstanding…” 

His voice trails off as he notices the slight distress in her features, but decides it’s better to hurt her feelings now than later.

“I was not the one managing my Tinder profile. Whatever may have been said to you was not said by me and-”

She nods emphatically and he stops. “Wait, you know what I’m about to say?”

“Yeah, your profile says it’s managed by your ex-girlfriend and we chatted a bit through messages.”

There’s a little bit of heat that reaches his ears, not pleasant heat at all, but mild irritation. He presses his lips together as she continues.

“She said something about wanting to make sure she set you up with someone better than her since you won’t accept your breakup.”

Izuku’s eye twitches but he smiles peacefully and takes a sip of his coffee.

“She said you were a very sweet guy though so I’m assuming you’re on good terms?” The young lady laughs coyly, a hand covering her mouth as she does. Coquettish, he thinks, then he remembers how you literally said you’d set him up with someone cute and coquettish and his heart starts to race.

“We’re on excellent terms,” he says finally, breathing through his nose, then takes a look at the menu. 

She giggles a bit and it annoys him because none of this is funny. Not for a second.

“She chose really good pictures,” the woman says softly, who Izuku recalls from the schedule you had the nerve to send him is named Sachiko, reaching for her glass of water. Izuku mirrors the action because his throat is suddenly terribly dry.

He clears his throat. You’ve gone too far.

“What would you like to order?” Izuku asks in his most charming voice.

—

“You didn’t take her home?” You ask, voice dripping of malice, curled up into the bedsheets of your California King. He considers shooting you a dirty look but he doesn’t; rather he strips painfully slowly and again you avert your eyes. This time he doesn’t laugh at your ridiculous attempt to pretend you don’t find him attractive, and instead, he stands stark naked in his underwear, arms crossed and feet squared as though you are an actual adversary. Maybe you enjoy being the villain in his story for once. 

You look up from your book, noticing his stillness in your peripheral vision. He looks good when he’s angry, you think, his face twisted into a scowl and breathing a little heavier than usual. You watch the rise and fall of his chest, then bid him to speak.

“What?” 

He shakes his head, like he can’t believe he’s really saying what he has to say next.

“First of all, I don’t fuck on the first date.” You tilt your head ever so slightly with a mock inquisitive look that bids him to go on.

“Don’t look at me like that, if I did, we absolutely would have,” he replies flippantly. You pretend to disregard that sentence. Then it hits you. We, as in you and him or we as in, he and her?

“Second of all, you’re going to regret this. Good night,” he insists before finding his way beside you in bed. You dramatically scoot over to the very edge of the bed, but he’s annoyed enough that his back is turned to you. 

Good, you think, and turn the page in your book. The plot thickens deliciously.

—

Izuku doesn’t bother explaining himself on the date the following week. Rather, he treats it like a business meeting and speaks politely, diverting any flirty comments to other topics. He wishes you hadn’t picked such an expensive restaurant but the truth was, the food was good enough to match the price. 

The woman today is not Sachiko - while Sachiko was petite and sold the moe angle quite well, Natsumi was a bit more direct and businesslike. Still, not quite like you and frankly a little bit too talkative. According to you, who were having the time of your life swiping right and left with his likeness, Sachiko had wanted a second date, but any time you broached the subject, he simply refused to respond and you, despite all of your ability to push buttons know when to stop. Now faced with Natsumi who was giving him his life story and testing his patience while he was trying to get through his Hamburg steak, he realized Sachiko might have been better.

“So why did you and your ex break up?”

Izuku swallowed another piece of meat quickly.

“We did not.”

Natsumi gave him a quizzical look.

“So why are you on a date with me?”

“To indulge her.”

Natsumi leans back in her chair then picks at her fingernails.

“Wow, you really are in denial, like she said.”

In Izuku’s eyes, this date is even more over than it was when it began.

When he comes home this time, you are talking and laughing animatedly on the phone to your mother as you cook a late dinner for yourself and rather than interrupt your conversation, he slips past you and puts the entrée he’d gotten for you in the front of the fridge.

You give him a glance then look away. Your mouth twists to the side, now that you realize you’re testing more than a little of his patience.

When you finally hang up the phone and put away your hot food to reheat the one he’s brought back for you, you ask in a small voice:

“Did you enjoy the food?”

He’s staring at the TV, looking without looking, and you can see that muscle in his jaw again tense before he turns to face you.

“It was delicious.”

You poke at the plate in front of you and concur. The food really is heavenly. Maybe you should pull back. It’s very clear that this man has no intention on breaking up with you and you can’t even remember what you were even mad about. There’s still a date left but canceling it with a 5 days notice isn’t the worst thing you can do. Your boyfriend has clearly learned his lesson, you think.

Then he says,

“Hey, can you arrange a second date for Sachiko? I’d like to see her again.”

And then rage consumes you again.

“Of course,” you say sweetly.

—

“I didn’t think I’d see you again!” Sachiko exclaims. Izuku had watched her run towards him, beaming smile accentuated by the bright winter sun’s rays reflected by the snow. Her cheeks are red and she looks as though she is blowing smoke, huffing and puffing as she catches her breath. She’s dressed for the weather, and so is he, and he notices the thick gloves that she’s wearing. His own hands are bare.

An ice skating date.

You must actually be prepared to lose him at this point.

Sachiko grins widely and Izuku, looking down at her again now that she is right next to him, realizes she really is cute. Not cuter than you, he wouldn’t go that far, but cute enough.

She doesn’t know how to ice skate and stays very close, and Izuku lets her cling onto his sleeve, then eventually hold his hand.

—

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

The phrase ran through your head over and over again, and had been the first thing you thought of when you reread her message for the third, the fourth, and the fifth time. 

Hi, I hope this isn’t weird but I just wanted to thank you.

(I hope it’s not you, Izuku, ‘cause that would be awkward! 😊)

I wanted to let you know that it must be hard to give up your partner, especially when they seem so nice! But I’m grateful. We’ll be texting privately from now on! 

Maybe we can be friends someday? I’d like to meet you in person too!

You swallow hard for a moment, reading the message again and again and again.

Texting privately. The familiar use of his name. It was two dates only. Why was she so confident? Why was she thanking you?

You found yourself thumbing through her profile again, really scrutinizing her again, taking particular care to commit her soft features to memory and the warm demeanor you could see through her many photos.

You swallowed hard again.

Did you mess up? Did you finally push too hard?

The sound of the door opening suddenly startled you enough that you ended up dropping your phone in the bowl of the bathroom sink. Izuku, appearing behind you suddenly as he turned into the bathroom to check looked you up once up and down and muttered a soft greeting. 

“You okay?”

Maybe you were imagining it, but the timbre of his voice was less Izuku and more Deku, the Hero, who asked everyone if they were okay. Who belonged to everyone. Or maybe really not everyone, just not you.

Despite your throat feeling as though it would close up, you nod. He says nothing more and suddenly you wish you could take it all back.

—

Two weeks have passed since your declaration of singlehood akin to a declaration of war, and just a few days since Sachiko thanked you for handing over the love of your life on a platter. Unwilling to admit that you regret your game, you resort to not speaking to him at all - at least not more than to reply to his good morning or his good night. You can feel him shift gently in the middle of the night, sometimes to face you, and you wonder if he’ll put his arm around your waist and nuzzle his chin in the crook of your shoulder, but he stops short and you’re left wanting, regretting. Now you start to make arrangements. Where will you go once you officially break up rather than theoretically? This is his apartment after all. Should you tell your mother so she’s not surprised when you turn up at her doorstep and she can’t call him her future son-in-law?

You’re not sure what your endgame was, but whatever this is, you don’t like it.

So you do what you do best. Make do with what is presented to you.

Izuku doesn’t say a word once he leaves your home just before noon, leaving you to quietly attend to work-related affairs as you type on your computer. From the calendar on the refrigerator, you’re reminded he has a midday shift 12-10pm, but still a part of you wonders if he’ll sneak off at any point to meet Sachiko. Why wouldn’t he? You’re broken up after all. 

Sachiko is so cute you would date her if you had the chance. You really did choose far too well.

You can’t focus on work anymore, you decide after staring at a blank screen for the next hour. Your head is pounding and your throat, although it no longer wants to close up, is dry and water isn’t fixing it. There’s a crick in your neck and a tenseness in your shoulders that Izuku would have massaged out for you if you weren’t locked in battle for days on end. 

So you make a profile for yourself. Is it desperation for validation now that suddenly all your inadequacies are brought to light or fear of losing? Whatever it is, you are very lucky, because you’ve arranged a date for just a few hours from now. 

You cannot, will not, spend the night in an empty house.

—

Izuku’s hands are fidgety, enough that his patrol partner notices the incessant tapping of his foot and the repeated running of his hands through his hair.

“You okay there, man?” 

“Yeah.”

It’s not like he can say No, actually, my girlfriend’s phone is unreachable and I can’t tell if it’s because she’s mad at me or because something actually happened to her, but if I’m wrong about danger, it will only make our already terrible relationship worse.

His partner tonight is a non-UA alum who is new to the city and initially came in excited to work with the great Midoriya only to run into someone whose naturally charismatic Hero smile now carries an undercurrent of moderate unease. The two however continue to roam the district in a predetermined path, making sure to detect any suspicious activity as it may come up. This particular area is known for its elevated nightlife and particularly rich patrons. There’s a Michelin 3-star restaurant whose reservations are hotly contested that he spots along his path as he walks, and he remembers he’d considered it among others for your eventual engagement, if you ever made it there at this point. 

The fact that Sachiko has texted him three times today grates on his nerves and he wishes he had never given her his number, even though he continues to reply politely. He looks down to mute the text thread, and as he looks up, he sees you.

And his blood runs cold. 

—

You can’t remember the last time you’ve been on a first date. You do remember that you’re supposed to feel somewhat jittery - you remember being this way when you first went on a date with your soon-to-be ex - but your nerves aren’t firing in all directions in a pleasant, pure sort of way.

What exactly are you trying to prove? You wonder as you stride carefully, one heeled step before the other on the cobbled street, a handsome stranger by your side. You march unevenly, and you can tell he wants to reach over and help you, but your body is sufficiently frigid that he keeps a polite distance away. 

Until you accidentally trip and he steadies you with a gentle grip of the hand.

“Hold on to me,” he asks. Yoshi’s smile is pleasant and reassuring, a little like Izuku. He’s not as tall and not as broad, but he’s pleasant to look at. 

“Thank you,” you say, gingerly allowing your hand to settle on his outstretched elbow. It doesn’t feel right but you tell yourself it’s natural to feel that way, considering you only started talking this afternoon. 

Yoshi isn’t a complete stranger though - you learn he works in another division at your company and you have mutual friends. It had just turned out that he had gotten stood up for his intended date today despite having had reservations for a month, so you might as well have taken the opportunity to go to such an exclusive eatery.

“I forgot to tell you you looked breathtaking,” he says once you’ve moved closer to him, and you can’t help but to smile first, then feel disgusted that you’re letting another man compliment you.

“You look quite nice yourself,” you reply nevertheless.

The queue to the entrance is several couples and groups long despite your reservation so you check in first before heading over to a waiting area until you get called.

You do get called from behind before you even get to sit, but it’s not by the restaurant.

“Fancy seeing you here!”

You freeze. Of course. What did you think would happen?

There are two things that run through your head. Either you can pretend you didn’t hear his voice and keep walking, and you know damn well he would not allow himself to be ignored or you could turn and risk a very public argument or-

He chooses for you.

Izuku is in front of the two of you now, grinning far too wide, far too poisonously. For once your heart is actually racing, and you remember that despite how soft he’s been with you, he’s actually quite large and obviously strong and the fact that he’s barely concealing the fact that he’s genuinely upset at you as he looks you up and down, fists clenched by his side and knuckles white as chalk, means that he could be unpredictable.

“It’s a lovely night, isn’t it?” he says, with a tinny laugh. Your eyes widen as you look to him then to your date who looks genuinely confused as to why this Hero is unkindly interrupting his date out of the blue.

“Hey, um-”

Deku flashes a smile at you that doesn’t reach his eyes then looks back at Yoshi.

“The two of you look like a lovely couple! Are you waiting for this restaurant?” He says, pointing to the entrance. “It’s a great restaurant! I personally like one of their pasta dishes myself and had been meaning to take my girlfriend here for a while but we just haven’t gotten the chance to-”

Yoshi, bold enough that even you’re taken aback, has the nerve to take your wrist gently and pull you a little behind him - a move that is not lost on Izuku and your blood chills because Izuku finds himself holding back a chuckle.

“Can I help you?” Yoshi asks, clearly annoyed.

You start to move instinctively but Izuku’s placed a hand on Yoshi’s shoulder and proceeds to pat it. He leans in ever so slightly to clear the height difference between them, staring him directly in the eyes, and you hold your breath. It’s clearly a challenge and you pray that neither of them take the bait. 

You can see Yoshi move to shrug the shoulder off but he’s forced into place and now the confusion on his features is even more intense. You can nearly cut the tension in the air with a knife but then you hear the other young man approaching.

It’s Izuku’s partner who has finally caught up, and the sound of Deku’s name being called from afar as he approaches seems to snap Izuku back into the reality of the situation. Some of the pounding in his temples clears and he tries not to look at you, patting your date on the shoulder.

“Stay safe out there and don’t stay out too late,” He offers. There’s still an edge to his voice and his hand and eyes linger but eventually he lets it trail off. The warning is for you specifically. 

Your face is hot and you’re thoroughly embarrassed but that’s the least of your concerns right now. Your stomach twists into a knot.

Your table is called.

—

When you finally slip back into your apartment, it’s a couple minutes to midnight and you are Cinderella fleeing back home to where the magic wears off.

The lights are on and Izuku is staring holes into the front door as you come in - he almost startles you when you slip off your shoes and turn to find him sitting at the kitchen table, facing in your direction. 

A small gasp leaves your throat.

He cocks his head to the side.

“What? Do I scare you?” His voice is somewhat gruff as though he’s waking up from sleep, low, and makes your heart pound.

You open your mouth, then close it. There’s not really much you can say at this point. You literally went on a date without his knowledge. You expected a fight when you came back, especially given how obviously angry he was just a couple of hours ago. 

You push and you push and you push and you don’t really know why you’re pushing.

And then you remember why. Sachiko.

“No,” you reply, moving forward in bare feet on wooden flooring, and dropping off your apartment keys in a shared bowl on the counter. You purse your lips and try not to engage him but wonder how long he’s been waiting for you, hunched forward on his elbows, pressing his fingertips together. There’s an untouched glass of wine besides him, and he rarely drinks.

“How was your date?” he spits.

You stop for a moment, his tone sinking in, and you selectively hear anger instead of the pang of rejection. You whip around to face him, the metal on your purse strings making the action unnecessarily loud. 

“It was great, actually! How’s Sachiko?!”

You didn’t mean to raise your voice but you did nevertheless. 

“Who..,” he starts, but his eyes widen, seething. “You sent me on that date.”

“That doesn’t mean you can fuck her!”

Izuku lets out a groan but his scowl softens to a frown once he sees the tears in your eyes despite his still tightly clenched fists.

“I did not, first of all. I deleted her number hours ago. We literally never met after the dates YOU arranged. Meanwhile you’re prancing around, hanging off some random dude’s arm, and what am I supposed to do? Accept it? What the fuck do I look like to you,___?”

You don’t have a response to that. How easy can it be to tolerate your mood swings? You were never done with him. You don’t want to be done with him. Of course he laughed at you when you said it, because it was obviously not true.

But you just want to feel heard so badly sometimes.

There’s a bit of silence as the two of you stand across from each other, your tears streaming down your face.

“Come here,” Izuku murmurs.

“No,” you mutter. He sighs as he follows you into the bedroom you disappear to, and watches you carefully as you sit down on the edge of the bed. You’re clearly still unsettled, but by now he can tell that you are no longer angry but confused as to what to do next. What comes after this mess?

“Did you fuck him?” Izuku asks in a quiet voice.

“Obviously not,” you quip, crossing your arms not out of self-defense but for self-soothing.

“Did you kiss him?” His voice is tentative as though he dreads the answer. His palms open and he flexes his fingers but he crosses the distance towards you on the bed.

“No.”

He pauses again, then kneels down before you. There’s a hand that finds its way onto the side of your cheek tenderly, turning your face so that you face him, and him only.

“I’m done fighting with you,” he finally decides. “Open your legs.”

Your face twists into surprise, but he dives deep, pulling up the bottom of your dress to your waist. He plants several kisses on your thighs, then waits for you to part your legs for him - he’s not going to tell you twice - before pressing his nose on the wet spot forming on your panties.

He breathes in and the inhale of your scent runs through his whole body, enough that you shudder yourself.

“God, I’ve missed this,” he says and your face warms. His calloused hands grip firmly, but not roughly, on the skin of your legs and push you open even further to accommodate his broad shoulders - you lean back onto your elbows as he slips two fingers under the crotch, and tears them apart with a snap.

“‘Zuku!” You hiss. Those panties aren’t your best ones but you still liked them.

He doesn’t reply and rather hastily, penetrates you with his tongue, and you squeal his name again, relishing in the thick muscle exploring your folds and the harsh grasp of his fingertips as he keeps you still. 

“B-baby… ah!”

He’s sharp and precise, because you’ve loved him long enough and he’s loved you long enough to know exactly what you need. You don’t tip but you careen over the pleasure of his tongue working your folds and your clit and your soft center, whining as pressure builds in your lower belly. 

“S-stop, it’s…” your breath falters, “I d-don’t deserve…”

He stops briefly with a kiss, then looks up at you, mulling over the words he needs to say to this woman who causes him so much trouble. 

He decides on the following:

“You’re right. You don’t deserve it, not right now, so I’m punishing you,” he finally teases. There’s a half grin on the slick covered lower half of his face and your eyes widen at the sight of his glistening skin. He lifts your ass gently and slaps it hard enough that your breath catches, the pain searing up and down your leg. You gasp, and he grabs a handful of your ass cheek, rubbing it to mull over the sensation. 

“You’re a fucking brat, you know that?” He hisses. His body presses over you, pushing one of your bent legs against your chest as he continues to squeeze at the fat of your bottom. You nod and he kisses you. 

“Simply awful.”

Another spank comes and you’re nearly blinded in pain and he dips down, biting at your lip. 

“I indulge you far too much, don’t I?” His teeth tug gently and release, and then he motions for you to pull your arms up. You’re sure if you don’t hurry up, he’ll rip it to shreds. 

The dress comes off and so does your breasts out of your bra and into his cupped hands. Sucking, biting at your nipples, leaving marks - it’s desperate and possessive and you wonder what would have happened if you had really taken Yoshi or whatever his name was seriously, and really pushed your Izuku to the brink. 

“I’m s-sorry,” you choke out eventually through sighs and then sobs. Izuku rolls you onto him, clasping his arms around your waist as you straddle him, playing with your breasts as you roll against him. The rhythm is new and hasty, but some of the fundamentals are the same. You know his body and he knows yours. He sucks at your neck and you nip at his earlobes - your fingers twist into his curls and he pulls at your hair. Kiss after kiss after kiss.

“I’m sorry, too,” he murmurs into your neck. His strong arms still enclose you and you’re settled onto his cock. There’s a soft groan as he presses upwards into you and some of you collapses into him, but he rolls his hips as you cling to his chest and you’re in a rhythm yet again.

“You make me crazy but I’m sorry.”

You can only whimper something unintelligible back as you suck up every inch of him, even your walls clinging tightly and desperately to his body inside yours. Your fingers curl into fists, laying against his chest and he uses a hand to pull it before him and kiss your knuckles.

“I’m awful,” you moan, crying into his chest.

“I shouldn’t have teased you,” he insists.

He flips over and you find yourself under him, and he interlaces his fingers with yours above you. Green locks graze gently atop your forehead as he stares into your eyes.

“I love you,” you say first.

“I love you too,” Izuku replies. He stirs into you more, letting the pressure of his weight comfort you as he strokes deeply, then rises up on his elbows to pick up his pace.

“Promise you’ll never leave,” you beg him before he begins. His hands press onto yours and pin you down and he kisses at your belly, then up to your lips.

“You can’t get rid of me,” he laughs.

“Even when I’m shitty enough to try?”

He pauses, dips down to press his forehead against yours. His lips graze above yours again. 

“Even when I’m angry enough to fight back, I won’t leave you.”

Reassured, you rock your hips against his and he takes it as an invitation to speed up. His strokes are fast and deep and tender - with every plunge you fall deeper in love with him, as does he. You push back but gently, resisting every strong movement with a clench of your thighs against him.

“You feel fucking amazing,” he insists, and you can his voice lowers. “Fucking amazing, baby, fucking-”

It’s his tell - he holds on to you desperately and you can feel yourself tense up as your coil snaps and sharp jets of cum spurt at your cervix, coating you thick and full. He shudders as he comes, heavy body shrouding you in a warm comfort.

He’s never leaving and neither are you.

No matter how many games you play.

[porkcutletbowl44]

Simon Riley/Reader and Keegan/Reader

Hi. I have come out of a almost 6 year writing hiatus and decided to start posting works again. (Yippie😅) I woke up in cold sweat one day about this particular story line and just started writing it down until I gathered the courage to share it... This is a snippet from the 2nd chapter I have on AO3 (I have no clue how to use AO3 in terms of writing OR Tumblr for that fact pls help 😭) but, I'd like to hear some thoughts about how it is, (yay or nay?) aaaannnnddd first ever post on Tumblr whoop! (Apologies for spelling and grammar I still haven't completely edited the chapters fully)

After a few weeks, the divorce was finalized. And those weeks quickly grew into just shy of two months. you didn't even notice, you didn't have the time to even keep up with your own body living in the present. Your daughter didn't deserve to see her mother in shambles like this. Didn't deserve to watch her parents divorce simply because of the lack of communication you hammered into her little head from a young age to express when she was frustrated her sippy cup lid wasn't screwed on all the way and spilled a sticky mess of apple juice all over her chest. Communication, that's an important ingredient. Remember. Communication cannot exist without comprehension. You can bring the horse to water but you cannot force it to drink. You thought you had it all, a loving husband, a beautiful child, a safe home, it was temporary. Ripped from your fingers like a purse stolen by a thief. You will only helplessly watch as your things are being taken from you. 

You will continue to claw at your chest and whimper like a wounded animal.

It does not get easier, even right now when it's time for Simon to take Fawn for the weekend again. You can bear the awkward tension, that silence that makes your throat close up and forces your voice to a weak frail squeak. You kept your attention somewhat busy with your work laptop, there are only four emails and you take the time to thoroughly read them, typing calmly to avoid confrontation. 

He stood in the kitchen quietly, watching your back. He had a strange lump forming in his throat, his expression hardening as he pushed down all of his emotions, trying not to focus on the guilt and hurt churning inside his chest.

You signed the papers, just like he asked you to.

Simon forced himself to speak, clearing his throat loudly, "Shouldn't you be packing Fawn's stuff?"

"Fawn insisted on packing herself," you gave a half-shrug, "I said why not? It's good for her to learn it and have the harmless joy."

He couldn't help but give a rough scoff at that. You would spoil her too easily. Simon took a few steps, setting his hands down on the kitchen counter, his gaze fixed on your form.

"She'll end up forgetting somethin'. I better go help 'er." He spoke casually, intending to go to check on Fawn and help her pack But something made him hesitate, his gaze snapping back on you. It only made his chest and lungs squeeze tighter as he looked at your closed-off demeanor. His eyes zeroed in on your fingers typing lazily, a strange suffocating feeling overcame him as he tried to figure out how he should address the lack of the wedding band on your finger.

Should he pretend like everything is fine? Would you want to talk?

There was an unnatural suffocating silence that felt like an elephant in the room, a strange tension between the two of you that only made him want to hold his breath. The air was so thick and tense- so unlike the normal energy in the kitchen that was once filled with the smell of your delicious cooking and the squealing laughter of Fawn whenever Simon would occasionally rough house with you while the both of you shared the foot space to cook. 

"...You took your ring off," Simon observed in a quiet, defeated tone.

what did he expect?

you stop your typing, your fingers ghosting over typing basic Python codes to your coworker, and you look down on instinct before clearing your throat. Your finger is empty. You will not admit that you took it off once you heard the news.

"Yeah, I did. It's next to the coffee maker if you want it back—oh, congratulations on your engagement." You hesitated before even saying those words. You never thought you would have to say to Simon. Your throat was dry, and your tongue burned at each syllable. 

His heart dropped the instant your words registered in his head, his expression darkening even more than before as a harsh scoff escaped him, his hands clenching tightly into fists as he tried to ignore the sharp pain in his chest.

"What…" His jaw hardened, and a look of disbelief crossed his features, "Who the hell told you that?"

"Johnny already told me," You replied, twisting on the stool to look at him, still in your work blouse and office pants. 

"Of course he did.." He muttered beneath his breath, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Bloody Soap.."

Simon took a deep breath and turned to look at you, his expression cold and hard, his gaze dark and icy. The mention of his engagement only made his fingers clench on the counter, and his gaze darkened as he heard your cold, dry tone. His eyes shifted towards the band next to the coffee maker, his mouth twisting into a frown at the lone ring he bought you all those years ago. 

That ring had been on your finger for 7 years.

Now it lay lifeless on the counter.

How the tables have turned.

"...thanks." He muttered out quietly, before looking back down at the floor. 

"yeah well, I would have found out even if Johnny didn't tell me. I would have seen the ring on you either way." You crossed your arms loosely with a small frown. You also won't mention you saw his fiancée's post about it.

He has an unreadable expression on his face as his shoulders straightened. "It would've been a hell of a lot more polite if I was the one who told you." He muttered lowly, his jaw clenching as he tried to keep his emotions in check. But the sight of you without the ring on your finger was eating away at him, like acid seeping into his skin. The mother of his child, divorced.

"You wouldn't tell me, I think that's why Johnny mentioned it...Fawn don't forget your toothbrush!" You called out, hearing her near the kitchen before bolting back down the hallway into the bathroom. You silently thank the universe for that interference. 

A humorless scoff escaped him, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Johnny knew you, he knew that you were the type to get pissed off at secrets and such. So he told you, thinking it would be easier to swallow for you. 'It's not.; Simon muttered in his head, gritting his teeth tightly as he tried to hold back his emotions.

"for the best, right?" You mumbled under your breath, looking up at him.

He could feel the pain and hurt in your gaze as you looked up at him, making his heart clench painfully the longer he looked at you.

Of course it's not for the best.

He wanted more than anything to pull you into his arms, to kiss you, tell you how he regrets ever saying something so stupid, how he wanted to take everything back.

But he didn't.

He couldn't. So all he said was a cold: "You tell me."

You didn't reply, just humming quietly in acknowledgment before Fawn's happy self came into the kitchen practically bouncing with excitement to spend time with her dad. Simon watched quietly as Fawn barreled into the room with her bag in one hand, her excitement radiating.

He tried not to let his emotions show on his face, masking it with a neutral expression as he looked over at his daughter. It was impossible to tell her parents were going through a divorce. She was still young of course, so it wasn't that surprising.

Simon just couldn't help but envy her innocence.

A bitter thought in his head made him hate himself even more.

He couldn't help but try to hold that small smile that formed at his eyes as he saw her excitement, "You 'ave everythin' you need?" The question was mainly directed at you, since you were the one that knew what she needed.

You beckoned Fawn over, kneeling before her. You softly grabbed her shoulders with an assuring smile. 

"Hairbrush? Socks and shoes? Jacket? And toothbrush?"

He hovered in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you check over Fawn, watching how gentle you were with her. Simon scoffed at this, shaking his head. "She's a mini version of you."

A pang of longing hit him, watching how you cared for her, his heart feeling heavy.

"Check, got all that," Fawn confirmed, nodding her head excitedly as her bright eyes lit up.

"Good, you did a good job packing all by yourself." You forced a smile Fawn would believe, smoothing her hair back. You were proud of her after all, doing big girl things all by herself. 

A wave of dread washed over him, he couldn't fucking stand this; that he was the reason. "Monster." something meanly cackled in the back of his head. He felt like a bastard for even having you sign those papers without fighting for it, watching everything he once had slip out of his fingers.

Watching how you forced a smile instead of truly showing it to your own fucking daughter.

God, he was a jackass.

"Remember your manners, be good, and you can call me for anything at all, okay? Anything you need, hun." You murmured, giving her little cheek a kiss.

He watched the two of you interact, his chest feeling heavy and tight. Fawn nodded her head quickly with a bright smile, giving you a big hug before waving a little.

"Bye, momma." She said cutely before rushing over to her father and grabbing his hand, waving her free one out.

His expression hardened, his gaze snapping on you as you looked away, keeping up the happy mom façade for the sake of Fawn.

He hated seeing you like this, forced to pretend like everything was okay when it was far from that. How was it fair for you to be forced to pretend to be happy? It didn't sit right with him, it just didn't feel fair. He held his eyes on you a moment longer before looking down to hold Fawn's hand in his. 

"C'mon now, let's get goin'." He murmured gruffly, trying to muster a small smile for his daughter.

The walk to the car was silent, Fawn skipping her way to the car, Simon walking beside with her little handheld in his, his expression unreadable and cold. He stopped by the backseat of the car, opening the door to let Fawn in as he looked to the passenger seat. Where you would sit. Where you will probably never sit again.

His mind warred with it, a scowl crossing his face. He wanted you in the passenger seat, just like you used to always sit in. He wanted the same routine every time he picked up Fawn from school.

But he couldn't have that.

Simon gritted his teeth, shoving those thoughts aside as he forced his expression back to a stoic one, watching as Fawn climbed into the backseat and buckled herself in. He slowly shut the door with a quiet click, looking to the front and climbed into the driver's seat. The car started, and Fawn waved happily behind the window as they drove off. Mentally, you cuss Simon out to drive safely for Fawn before turning back inside. 

[thepotentialof2007]

Quick reference for the LH excerpts from Kate Wagner's behind the scenes at COTA article.

All sports are powered by the personalities of their practitioners, and Formula 1 has those in spades—the chipper, effusive Daniel Ricciardo; Mr. Suave, Carlos Sainz; plucky George Russell; the deep-feeling Charles Leclerc; and, perhaps above all, the sport's longtime great champion, a man from some of the humblest beginnings in motorsport, the regal and soft-spoken Lewis Hamilton, who just announced an absolutely shocking move to Ferrari after an illustrious 11 years and six championships behind the wheel of a Mercedes (and six seasons and one championship with Mercedes-powered McLarens).

. . . .

The day's activities commenced with a tour of the garage. In the garage, there are many mysteries one is not allowed to know or see. The use of phones is forbidden lest one incur accusations of espionage. When we got into the garage, Lewis's car was naked, its insides visible for all to see. I think this was the moment where my respect for the sport as it exists really made itself clear. It is hard to describe what I felt looking at that car. The closest phrase I have at my disposal is the technological sublime. I pictured a living, breathing animal of extraterrestrial origin, hooked up to a thousand arcane sensors that delivered messages in little pulses. All the tubes and sculpted carbon-fiber parts and the endless net of wires all working in service to the godhead engine, formed something totally incomprehensible to me, a feat of engineering so vast it breached the realm of magic. Hamilton himself walked through in his helmet, unexpectedly on an errand. After being in the presence of the car, I perceived him differently than before, when he was just a guy driving in circles on TV. The scope of his capabilities became more directly known to me in the face of that which I believed to be unknowable. All of that was built in service of him. He stopped and looked into the open maw of the car. The tour guide led us hurriedly into the back room where the coffee and tire bags were stored so that no one could listen to what Lewis said.

About half an hour later, they brought him up to the paddock to talk to us. It wasn't a press conference, but rather a kind of a TED Talk. The questions were rote and a guy with a microphone asked them as though they were being broadcast on television. Hamilton talked rotely about how much he loved America and the fans here, talked—to the people who needed reassurance—about how the car was "getting there" but made it pointedly certain that they knew it still needed some work, which surprised me, making me realize this was still a private setting. I come from a sport where chivalry never died and no one is allowed to say anything negative because it is "unsportsmanlike" and every cyclist has to play his part in the farcical pageant of being a dull, humble farmer's son. It is a pretty open secret that a lot of cyclists don't like their bike sponsors but they would never, ever, ever say it. It's somewhat contradictory, but the sheer financial calculus of F1 is what makes it possible for Hamilton to be critical. This is a multibillion-dollar industry putting its full heft behind him doing well. It's reminiscent of the patronage system of precapitalist times, when rulers and nobles with endless riches paid musicians and composers to live in the palace with them.

. . . .

Frustrated, I returned to watching the cars as they started up again, knowing that the drivers were pushing them to their limits, engrossed in their personal kaleidoscope of motion and color. Hamilton was in one of them. In the last shootout, he drove differently than before. A great verve frayed the lines he was making, something we can only call effort, push. Watching him, I understood what was so interesting about this sport, even though I was watching it in its most bare-bones form—cars going around in circles. The driver is the apotheosis of quick-moving prowess, total focus and control. The car is both the most studied piece of human engineering, tuned and devised in lab-like environments and at the same time a variable entity, something that must be wrestled with and pushed. The numbers are crunched, the forms wind-tunneled. And yet some spirit escapes their control, and that spirit is known only by the driver. Yes, we watch this perfect blend of man and machine, but we speak of the machine as though it were not of human origin, as though the machine, being born from science could—eventually, through its iterative processes—sublimate human flaws. The driver, being human, knows this is false. His intimacy with the machine is the necessary missing connection, and even if the machine were perfect, it was made for imperfect hands. But it is never perfect. The gaps in its perfection are where disasters transpire, but also miracles. As we waited for the van to take us where we were parked, a part of the track was still visible to us. Hamilton distinguished himself by the lines he cut along the corner and the loudness of his engine, that pushing. We heard over a loudspeaker that he had finished third, a remarkable improvement above the last two sprints, where he lagged behind in the midfield. This made everyone in our camp happy. They always called him by his first name. It reminded me of how I used to talk about cyclists after I started interviewing them, with the swagger of knowing them.

. . . .

When Hamilton came into the room he was wearing a cool pair of pants with shimmery colored mesh sewed in and had an exhausted appearance, having come just from the track. We were allowed to talk to him but were told not to make any recordings or transcriptions. When he spoke, it was notable how often he mentioned his father and how deeply-felt his political convictions were. Some people are totally different off the record, but Lewis was simply a more lively version of himself. I find him a fascinating figure. A lot of fans either love or hate him, see him, paradoxically, as both humble and arrogant. The word quiet is better. Not reserved, not shy, just quiet. He belongs to a special group of people. The ones I've met in life include the violinist Hilary Hahn and Pogačar, the Tour de France winner—human beings who walk the earth differently, with an aura that transcends it. He appeared perpetually relaxed, controlled and refined, both present with us in the room but on a higher plane within. We used to call this magnificence when we believed in kings. I don't know what we call it now. Excellence, maybe. The irony of parading someone incredible like that around in the backrooms of petrochemical executives is not lost on me. I was grateful that I got the opportunity to speak to Lewis Hamilton, someone I am not ashamed to say I admire. I would have preferred it if they let him go home and rest instead.

[marichild]

4, 9, and 17 for the fic asks >:3 🧡

*walks in* *puts on tetsu no ori* LET'S GO

be warned i am a chronic yapper I do not shut up about anything ever

4. Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

hoo boy. so, there was a sort of ambitious au I tried to write once—have you heard of twin star exorcists? I'm an anime enthusiast of it since I got pretty frustrated with where the manga was going what with the constant delays and derailing from the main point and the author not staying consistent with details, etc. that being said the anime doesn't fill a lot of gaps that should have been filled.

so while I was still pretty active in the kpop circles—which I probably will go back to soon lol when I feel less icky about the people I was beefing with—I tried to write a TSE au. while it wasn't my brightest idea to transpose a bunch of Koreans onto a Japanese setting, I also underestimated how difficult it'd be to handle all those canon details.

plus, exorcism is very heavily based on Buddhism, specifically in Japan, so I was just like. well am I prepared to potentially insult an entire faith. (research goes a long way kids! don't listen to younger mari) and I just sort of...let it falter and it doesn't even exist in my wip folder anymore </3

(it also involves a forced arranged marriage and the topic of being forced to have a kid, essentially, and I didn't want to genderbend anyone for it, so my solution was a trans man who was at least somewhat interested in having kids biologically one day, like me. once again, I didn't feel I did a very good job of it, and it was a little daunting to write it knowing that i did want at least a semi explicit scene that, once again, reflected me as a person. being a minor at the time, I let the idea go. and I was also much less confrontational at the time so I didn't think I could handle it if anyone was being weird about it lmao—which I fully can and will at this point.

that being said, I did write a fic about a trans man having a kid for a different fandom earlier this year, so I'm linking it if you're interested! very fluffy and family fun. and not explicit. though be warned, it is rpf lol)

HOWEVER!! I've actually considered picking it up again and rebranding as a soukoku au? once again, enemies to lovers, my transchuu agenda, my dazai can be any gender agenda, EXORCIST PRODIGIES, one of the characters has no idea where they came from and has a whole Bit about questioning their humanity. i.e. arahabaki parallels. there are a few gaps I'm trying to work out but it's definitely an idea haha)

ok enough yapping about that moving on

9. Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

!!! okay I really want to see. more fics about fyodor and disability. specifically related to anemia and blood. I generally don't read fyodor fics until endorsed by someone whose opinion I trust [for example, check out tell me we do not live in vain by valleykey, the Best fyozai fic Ever, or any of their fics!] because genuinely I don't trust this fandom to characterize fyodor, or any of decay of angels trio, very well half the time.

the reason I want to see more is because canonically, we know he is anemic and suffers from low blood pressure. however, I'm reluctant to write that for him because it's one thing to write like, transfems as a transmasc, there are similarities to be drawn from it, but things like anemia and chronic disability are a whole new ball game. I do not ever want to misrepresent any of that, and writing an ablebodied fyodor is just a. bit. disrespectful.

I mean I will write in his pov, of course. but I'd place him in higher stakes situations where his discomfort and pain isn't rhe sole focus so I don't have to write it in too much detail and write it all wrong. a bit of a cowardly approach maybe but until I really read a lot more that's all that's happening. unless it's like a menstrual disorder which. yeah. grimaces. but even that's inextricably tied to all his other issues, so.

17. What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

oh boy. aside from all the times I've had authors I really admire acknowledge me and my writing, which is just. wow. its not that I think they are higher beings, but more like. if people who I admire think I am also worthy of admiration and think my fics are good. that my characters are well done....I remember the time a well-known author in the ZEROBASEONE rpf circles literally revived from her hiatus to comment on my fic!! to tell me how much she loved it. a fic that I genuinely wrote in like two hours for a member's birthday. (it continues to be my most popular fic for the fandom lmao) it was . wild. especially because I deeply admire her writing for being so introspective and critically challenging. augh.

but aside from all that,

probably the time I finished writing we were lost, looking for an answer. my last ever assassination classroom fic. I was largely out of touch with the fandom and the only reason I went through with this fic was that I promised my readers I would give it to them, and a lovely reader had left a comment about QPRs, and even a thing or two about Japanese law regarding it. writing that series, a silly series that I wrote out of frustration that my aroace-spec peers in the LGBTQIA+ community went through so much for just not adhering to the norm...well. guess who realized he's demiromantic demisexual through writing it 🤡

okay I derailed. the point of it is that by the time i done writing it I was kind of struck by how raw and real it felt, to me, and how I was proud of it. mainly because karma characterization is a tricky thing to do, in my opinion, and I'd done a pretty decent job. it also felt like an accurate representation of wanting someone who doesn't want you back like that, but wanting them close all the same. in general, it felt like a good representation of how scary and hopeless a queer teenager's life can be, especially at fifteen years old.

do I think I could have done better? yes, of course. I still think I have the drive to write it again, make an updated version. but I won't, because it was the first time in a long time that I wrote something that genuinely made me think differently about myself. I also think that it's a nice milestone marker. :)

fic ask game

[lucky-clover-gazette]

fandom/feelings vent i just really wanted out of my system, seriously not targeted at any one person or thing:

there are few things that make me more uncomfortably aware of my attachment issues than seeing multishipping or polyshipping of fictional pairings i really care about. i think because i put so much of myself into writing about fictional relationships, and one of my greatest fears in a relationship would be my partner wanting to be open, it’s an understandable but not *valid* emotional response. but still, i live in my head, and have to manage it. it sucks.

like, i’ve drafted this post several times. i love fandom culture and shipping communities, and it sucks that a very present thing in those spaces is such a ridiculous sore spot for me. i feel like i’m less able to support people making cool things, who enjoy the same stories i enjoy.

i never want to degrade the comfort and importance stories and relationships like these have in people’s lives. i love creating things that are close to my heart, and the reasons i care about these characters and ships are roughly the same as anyone else’s.

but it’s really bad, man, the way this stuff gets to me. like, i’m sorry to overshare, but the idea of a ship i really care about being open legitimately makes me feel like a cornered prey animal. trouble breathing, tearing up, can’t focus on anything else, heart beating fast. i understand that this is not a normal response to such an inconsequential and somewhat avoidable stimulus. while i’m not about to share the reasons why i have this trigger, i can assure you they make sense as a source of trauma. the problem is that my irrational trauma response is not a valid equivalent to moral disgust or discomfort, and it’s really frustrating that i can’t just be neutral.

rationally, i know it’s all projection, and has nothing to do with these fictional characters or stories, or the people making fan content. but i also can’t deny the very real way my body physically reacts to even the notion of non-monogamy in relationships i care about.

and i’m not just talking fandom stuff here, i live in a city where more than half of the queer people my age seem to self-identify as ethically non-monogamous or poly. both in fandom and real life queer spaces, it’s almost like i’m missing out on the party because the way a lot of people like to party makes me feel profoundly trapped, powerless, betrayed, insulted, and abandoned, which are all feelings i do not handle well.

more than anything, i just wish i could be normal about this very present facet of fandom/shipping culture and even enjoy it on occasion. when it’s not like my “otp” or whatever i really don’t mind at all. i guess i just see so much almost aggressive positivity about like “character has two hands” memes and stuff like that, where it almost makes me feel like a bad person for needing monogamy for a fictional or real-life relationship to feel safe. and while i do believe open-mindedness should be a core tenant of social spaces, i also feel alone with these rotten feelings, and i can’t really channel them creatively in a way that wouldn’t just upset me or make other people feel bad.

there is no point to this post really, just kind of wondering if anyone has felt this way/has advice beyond the obvious and very valid basics like “only interact with content you want to see,” and “what works for some people does not have to work for you, and vice versa.” i seriously have no judgment of fandom friends multishipping or polyshipping, or the idea of those relationships themselves. mostly, the presence of those ideas just cause me an irrational amount of discomfort because of past experiences, and i wish i could fix that part of myself. not saying i ever want to be poly or write those kinds of stories, but not being embarrassingly triggered would be a great first step. and i guess ultimately it would just be nice to feel a little less alone about having this problem.

[saint-ambroses-bees]

@db-1986

Primarily, your claim is that it was evil of God to place the tree into the garden, it was evil of him to impose consequences, and that he lied about said consequences. I will be disregarding the question of whether God can do evil things, or lie.

I’m gonna talk about free will for a minute. Free will is the ability to choose good. There is no choice if there is only one option. Therefore, in order that a being possessing free will be capable of freely choosing good, they must also be capable of rejecting good. Hence, evil, which is simply a lack of good. Free will is a necessary characteristic of a rational being, to choose order or disorder and to know it is free will. 

God creates humans capable of love, which necessitates being capable of good (because love is to will the good of another) which therefore necessitates free will. The tree is necessary for free will, or some other way of rejecting God instead of loving him. Is it evil to reject God? Sure, but it’s good to have choice, because without it, there is no love. The tree is an option, and way of expressing free will. God placed the tree in the garden to facilitate free will in order that man might be able to choose him rather than be irrational. God gives us a choice. It’s not evil for him to do so, because free will is good. Would an all-knowing God have known what Adam and Eve were going to do? Yes, but this does not mean that he made them do it.

Onto whether or not the consequences suited the crime. It must be noted that God did inform them of what would happen if they did reject him. Philosophically speaking, God is life. To reject life is to die. But God does not exterminate humanity upon this first slight, but rather gives them the chance to choose him at a different time. This ‘lie’ is both true in the sense that Adam and Eve reject life and that they begin to die on that day. And, even if it was a lie, wouldn’t it be merciful to not make good on a promise to kill someone?

Humans are not little better than animals simply because they choose evil rather than good in the garden. God did not take away their free will or rational mind. Human nature is wounded, not broken beyond all repair.

The explanation given by Aquinas in regards to the tree of life is that the fruit of the tree of life is to death what food is to starvation, a means of staving off death. Aquinas also argues that man’s connection to their efficient cause (God) preserves bodily integrity until life or death is chosen. Neither of these arguments are totally satisfactory to me, but they are at least somewhat convincing. 

“Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever”” God does not say they will become gods. When God says like us, he means humanity’s sin of pride and covetousness resulting in their own self-governance and disconnect from him. Self-ruling comes about on account of rejection of authority, for better or for worse.

Admittedly, I have not gotten around to reading the entire Bible, so I cannot comment on God’s other actions. I understand this is ignorant and frustrating, and I’m working on it.

Polytheism ignores the fundamental order of our reality. God says us because there are multiple persons in the trinity.

Anyways sorry for previous stupidity in regards to knowing scripture i was going off memory lol and i should know at this point to not do that

[abeinginsand]

Swiftli + videogames for the hc ask? (are videogames one word or two...?)

Thank you for the ask and, yes, videogames works as a one-word prompt! :) Ao3 ---- "Hey, Link..."

"Hm?"

"Link, c'mon, let me ask you something."

Lincoln's half asleep, watching Taylor play some persona series game in the Swift family living room on a Friday evening. Was it persona 3? 4? ...Or maybe 5? There were probably other numbers, either way, something about watching Taylor stubbornly replay a dungeon fight for the sixth time was quite the effective lullaby.

"Liiiinnnkkk"

At least, it would be if his friend stopped trying to get his attention.

"Yes," The athlete says after a few minutes, closing his eyes and resting heavier against Taylor's side.

"You haven't heard the question yet! What if i asked you something weird?"

"Weirder than that time I carried you on my shoulders and used your feet to signal you when to strike?"

"It's not weird if it's cool."

"Mhm, fair point, rule of cool....is cool, yeah, dude."

His head is resting on his shorter friend's own as he talks in an increasingly quieter way. It would be a lie to say their hair was soft and comfortable. The grease prevented that but at least the somewhat messy hair smelled nice. Like a mix of cherry blossoms and honey, a side effect of Taylor's want to try a new perfume and body wash out each month. Personally Linc preferred sticking to generic non-scented brands for himself (or whatever was available).

He's picturing a soccer team full of walking and talking body care products when Taylor, having enough of being ignored, pauses his game and squeezes one of Lincoln's hands. His tail was wrapped around one of the soccer player's legs before. Now it was lightly smacking against the couch. Linc gets the signal that this may be something more important than he assumed. He sits up, eyes opening, and looks over to his friend.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Really tired today, but you've got me now, Tay. What's up?"

"Can I stay over at your house next week?"

"Yeah, of course," Lincoln replies, making sure to squeeze Taylor's hand back now. Though its not combat, he finds himself switching quickly over to protective paladin mode. Looking Taylor over for scrapes or other signs of discomfort. Its not the first time the anime-lover asked to come over, but it is one of the rare times Taylor's happy tone doesn't match his gaze. "Is your mom okay?" "Yeah, she's good. I got a text from her earlier and--" Taylor smiles, because he loves his mom and will take most opportunities to talk about her and her work. The text sits heavy in his stomach anyway. Feels like the expired bag of pocky he had one time at a con and he was hoping gaming would help get rid of the feeling. (It hadn't) "She said there were technical issues with the recording equipment and stuff, so she'll be gone for another week." "Oh, that's..." "And I don't mind. Mom seems really happy with this gig and we're going to voice call on Monday too." Taylor lets go of Linc's hand now, arms crossed as he presses into the arm rest. He's got his arms resting on his knees now, legs pulled close to himself as he keeps on talking. "It'll be great and we'll go out to eat when she gets back. I'm thinking about sending her a cake today." "Shouldn't she be sending you one? It's your birthday on Monday." Whatever smile Taylor had on falls completely and Lincoln regrets blurting that out right away. He really did like Ms. Swift a lot, but sometimes Linc...felt frustrated with her on his friend's behalf. She'd missed his birthday last year too--and like fair, there was a whole apocalypse going on. But how many other birthdays had she missed before all of that? There's a sound of a sniffle and Lincoln refrains from saying anything else on the topic. He watches Taylor rub at his face with a hoodie sleeve. The athlete moves over to his companion's side of the couch and offers a hug. His friend is quick to tackle him, leading both to fall and lay onto the couch cushions fully. The game controller topples to the floor and seems some button got pressed to resume the fight. Music plays as the sniffling turns to muffled sobs. "Better think about your game. Are you sure your next move's the right one for you?"

Link's only sure of his worry at the moment and tries to ignore the noisy song. Taylor's laying his head on his chest and Linc has one arm around him, the other gently combing through his hair. A few more verses pass them by as the shorter teen calms down. "You'll never see it coming. You'll see that my mind is too fast for eyes!" The taller boy looks up at the ceiling, trying to think of what to say to cheer his friend up. "...Hey, Taylor," He says in a similar tone as when the other teen called to him earlier and then adds, "I have a question." Link feels a little squeeze of his shirt in the hug and continues talking. "Its about the game and I figured you're the best person to ask." His friend's demon tail is now moving again, swaying in the air from side to side though Taylor keeps their face hidden in the fabric of Link's garfield comic strip patterned hoodie. Lincoln hears the gamer take a shaky breath. "What do you wanna know?" "If we could army of two beat up the...phantom...phantom uh insert name here. Could we take the whole group down? If we met them in some place like goofs realm. Instead of that evil baby, we have a kitty with a sword to fight. How would that go?" Taylor starts laughing a little at the 'insert name here' and 'evil baby' comments. Link grins at the sound (and the feeling of the vibration too). Success The song lyrics fade into the background. Afterward, the ranger lifts his head up. Any tear tracks are overshadowed by the passionate twinkle now back in his gaze and tone. He rambles about how they'd take on the phantom thieves properly together. Lincoln still doesn't know much about the game, but its always nice to hear Taylor talk about something he loves. He listens mostly and adds in his thoughts or more laughter here and there. Eventually, the two end up falling asleep, this time Taylor dozing off first. Disappointment, frustration, and the game itself all but forgotten for the moment. .

.

. Lincoln wakes up the next morning to find a blanket wrapped around them both and the game screen on a paused battle success image. There's the sound of Mr. Foster very loudly bumping into stuff in the kitchen too. Probably due to wings if Lincoln had to guess. Its easy to notice who it is anyway based on the familiar low voice sputtering curse words and pondering 'where the hell does Cass keep the sugar again?' After all the chaos of the world was mostly dealt with, Taylor's dad was making more efforts to visit more. Especially when Cass had to go on long trips like currently. The revelation of the hell prince being there leads to him nudging Taylor awake. He's about to offer his companion their cane until Taylor winces. Its easy to carry him into the kitchen instead though and nice to get the chance to hold onto Taylor a little longer. After some hugs and other greetings, the three have a nice breakfast. All of this may not make Taylor miss his mom any less; however, its a heartwarming reminder that he isn't alone this time. That he's still surrounded with his loved ones. He will have that chance to celebrate next week whether it be through the phone, sharing breakfast with his dad before he heads to work, or with an exciting week-long sleepover with his best bud.

[mkhyemi]

hello hello hello! i'm kalo (21, she/her, est) and this is hyemi! she does NOT want to be here, but surely her time at lumera will shape her into a perfectly suitable magickai... right??? until then, she just has to be the disney channel movie character who somehow missed the chance to say "no mom... this isn't my dream, it's yours..." and follow her real passion. tbh, that hasn't even crossed her mind at all! so she's simply accommodating herself to what's expected of her and will continue to do so until she either learns to like it or she dissipates into the ocean or something... three cheers for repression! a more detailed delve-into hyemi can be found below the cut! it's been give or take 2 and a half years since i last did this whole rp thing, so please bear with me while i shake the rust off! (and while i finish up with my semester... lol) i'm very excited to write and have a fun time with you all! feel free to give this post a like and i'll pop into your ims as quick as possible for some plotting!

profile | bio | plots (empty links will be filled when finished ;;;)

hyemi is the youngest daughter of her family, her mother is an untrained magi (her companion died fairly early after her powers awoke), her father is a human, and her older sister is also a human.

her mother is essentially living vicariously through hyemi's becoming a magickai, to the point where she moved with hyemi from ulsan to seoul so she could enroll in the memoria of seoul. very pageant-mom vibes. hyemi loves her mom though and is very much reliant on her approval, which is what led her to her compliance re: enrolling at lumera and pursuing life as a magickai.

in reality, hyemi isn't too thrilled with the premise of being a magical soldier, no matter what fancy kind of name it's given. she's very envious of the more normal kind of life her older sister is living back home

her companion is a hedgehog named needles, who is a big pain in her ass and only adds to the pressure to get serious about her training. hearing feedback from someone who knows that all of her studying and training is essentially a front hurts a little more than she'd like to admit, especially considering it's coming from an animal that can fit in the palm of her hand. suffice to say, they don't get along very well.

regarding her powers, her control over them is very finicky, and is very easily swayed by her emotions. please anticipate finding her half-submurged into the ground or various walls. to counteract this somewhat, she tends to wear wetsuits or other swim-shirt adjacent items to help keep her in one piece, to middling results. at least it stops her clothes from getting wet? #styleicon. her minor power lets her turn whatever part of her that's water into ice, but she mainly just uses this to punch things a bit harder. she's admittedly no strategist.

her fighting style is very upfront. her powers aren't conducive towards offense on an especially grand scale, and fit more towards the role of a facetank, as her water form absorbs most forms of pain.

on that note, has been taking boxing and self-defense lessons since the awakening of her powers (she uses it as stress relief, but it has synergized with her up-close fighting style and the fact that her weapon is a pair of gauntlets)

maintains a very packed schedule both to distract herself from her general sense of dissatisfaction but also to exert some form of control over what she's doing at lumera (ie: her classes, her extracurricular lessons, hiking club, working at soap and suds, etc.) she's very particular about her schedule and about punctuality in general!

on a social level, hyemi is very much a people-pleaser, and thus takes great pains to not show off her frustrations with her current lifestyle. however, this leads her to be evasive and pretty resistant to forming substantial connections with people... whoops! she tends to shape her behavior to fit with other people and is definitely more of a follower-type than a leader-type. however, her temper is a bit of a ticking time bomb at this point (though, the fuse is pretty long!) so it probably will all blow up in her face eventually. hopefully it won't all land on the wrong target?

some quickfire connection/plot ideas!:

anyone who also attended the memoria of seoul! study buddies/academic rivals/etc.

you think her power (or rather, her lack of control over her power) is hilarious, and try to devise increasingly outlandish pranks/ways of catching her by surprise to watch her collapse into a puddle. (whether this is friendly or antagonistic is up to interpretation!)

someone to help her work through her newly-developed fear of large bodies of water

bad(?) influence: or otherwise someone who wants to break her from her rigid routine-based way of living

she's a caffeine fiend, so if your muse either works at or also habitually visits the coffee shop, they could hang out there?

sparring partners / work out buddies

[angkis]

I hope you don't mind, but do you have advices for other artists? I try to draw too, but my drawings never come out looking like the reference, like I'm unable to draw something alike Derek or Stiles, that's frustrating hahahaha

The colouring, the anatomy 😩 you are so fucking amazing!

Thanks for sharing your art pieces with us ❤️

First of all, I'm honored that you ask ME this question, because I'm not very confident (working on it 💫) and it's like a huge compliment that you would even ask.

Llike every other artist, you and me are both gonna be the biggest critics of our own drawings!! I just want you to know that before I say anything else! If you ever feel like you're not getting any better or not fast enough, take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, go back, look at where you started, it's only a question of time, you're constantly evolving!! <3 Be patient with yourself ~

I'm sure you were thinking of actual advice not the mental part, so I thought of some, but for real, most of what formed my art style (that is constantly changing and is gonna continue to change until I die 👁️👁️) was TIME. I don't always love to draw but when I have these periods of drawing a lot it's always because I'm hyperfixating on something, so finding something you can fall in love with and obsess over is gonna make time absolutely FLY BY.

Don't get discouraged when you're not nailing a character the first time you draw them. I personally only get it somewhat right at like the fifth try (funny enough I'm an impatient person but when I love something I seem to be able to be patient 💀💫) if anything Do it out of spite!!!!!!

Practice is a funny word, I don't like it because it seems like you have to know what you're trying to achieve if that makes sense. Maybe that can hold you back too. Drawing something and failing still counts as practicing. Finishing the best painting of your lifetime counts as practicing. Every time you draw you get better.

Ooooooh an interesting one that I only figured out this year: SPEND (if you can) MORE TIME OUTSIDE AND AROUND PEOPLE because your eyes notice lightings, movements, expressions, COLOURS that you then unconsciously (subconsciously?) keep in your head for later!! And when you are drawing you're gonna UNCONSCIOUSLY use that information??? It's wild (says the person who spent years barely leaving their bedroom) I'm not even exaggerating, my art got out of the blue so much 'better' (different) when I started leaving the house more often. (You might not have this issue tho!! 💫)

Also I started drawing when I was watching a lot of animated movies/shows and it influenced my art so much. When I got hooked on shows with live actors everything changed (again, your brain is putting away so many details for later) I started seeing anatomy more realistically.

One last tip before I stop rambling (and make another coffee 💫) Find a pen that WORKS FOR YOU. My stuff would look so much different if I was using different brushes than I use now. Try as much as you want! Do you prefer traditional or digital drawing? Both have cheaper alternatives (I understand this hobby is not a cheap one in general) I have a bunch of tips for Clip Studio Paint for example! Idk, let me know, I would love to show you my favourite settings that actually make my life easier!! ❤️

Sorry if I'm all over the place, I'm not too good with words 👁️👁️ I hope it's not gonna be like 'I really read all that for nothing' for you sgsggshshsgsh in which case I'M SO SORRY SFSGGGSGSGSG and again, thanks for your question!! I wish you luck!! Keep drawing!! You're gonna surprise yourself how far you can go I'm so serious!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[thealmightyemprex]

Good Vibes Challange :The Wind in the Willows

@ariel-seagull-wings @amalthea9 @princesssarisa @angelixgutz @the-blue-fairie @themousefromfantasyland @goodanswerfoxmonster @filmcityworld1

Recommended by @the-blue-fairie ,I knew I had to watch this

So I never read the book,but I have seen several adaptations of the story .My first exposure was the 1949 Disney film The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad ,which has a short Toad centric tellling of the tale , but what hooked me on the story is the 2017 Musical version ,which is probabbly a contender for my favorite,and I quite enjoyed the 1985 Rankin/Bass version (EVen if I found Charles Nelson Reiley to be an odd choice for Toad ).I have grown very fond of this story (I'll go into why later ) and am always up to see a diffrent adaptation(I actually was going to watch this adaptation before but stuff got in the way and I forgot to finish it )

This 1995 film, isnt REALLLY a story its basically a bunch of scenerios connected by the characters .There is somewhat of a plot of Mole (Alan Benett),Ratty (Michael Palin ) and Badger (Michael Gambon ) trying to deal with the thrill seeking and egocentric Toad ( Rik Mayall ) who is obsessed with motor cars which gets him into a lot of trouble

I think the reason I love this movie and this story in general is it is just so CHILL ,your just hanging out with these lovable characters . The heart of the film really is the relationship between Ratty and Mole ,they have a very lovely relationship even when they bicker ,you can tell the care deeply for eachother ,my favorite scene being when Mole convinces Ratty to satay when he has the urge to travel and when they find Moles old home he abandoned to live with Ratty ,and Ratty is just complimenting the place the entire time when Mole is somewhat embarrassed ....I also dug the scene where Ratty and Mole met the God Pan,that was wild

Of course the comedic highlight is Toad ,I'll go into the voice work later ,but everything from the writing ,to the performance to the expressive animation make him such a funny character.He is the one character with NO chill and this might be my favorite take on Toad

The Animatiojn is beautiful,for a TV movie ,the production values are gorgeous,this is one of the prettiest animated films I think I have seen

This also hasthe best cast I have seen for this property I think these might be the definitive voices for me,being mostly comprised of great British talent .Of the main cast the one I am least familiar with is Alan Bennett as Mole (He seems to mostly be a writer ) but he gave a nice cheeryness to Mole.Michael Gambon is PERFECT as the grumpy Badger,and I actually had a tough ime recognizing him as he seemed to be putting on a gruffer voice but it so worked for the character .Michael Palin did such a fabulous job as Ratty ,you feel his love for his River ,his frustration with Toad ,and his friendship with Mole.Vanessa Redgrave does a marvelous job narrating ,and I like the wraparounds of her being a grandmother reading to her grandkids,just added to the cozy feel.Then we have Rik Mayall as Toad.Now Rik Mayall is a hit and miss performer for me ,sometimes I love him sometimes he annoys me ,and thankfully,,,,,This is one of his BEST performances,cause his abrasive style and obnoxiousness is PERFECT for Toad,like this is a perfect melding of actor and character akin to Gilbert Gottfried as Iago in Aladdin ,and Mayall is hilarious,sounds like he is having fun and is by far the BEST TOAD IVE SEEN .Honestly with these performances I forgot there were actors and just accepted them as these characters

I only have one gripe,and its I wish the finale where the gang fight off Weasals was longer and set up better (I like when the Weasals play a bigger role like in the musical )

Overalll.....Man this was good vibes.Just an enjoyable relaxing watch

[jupiter-reimagined]

Dealer's choice for the OC ask game, but with Julius. I wanna learn more about him, please and thank you.

i have an ungodly amount of free time between classes so... heres answers to them all, in varying levels of detail. dealer's choice is "yes." bdbshs

1. Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who's the favorite?

he does not, even when he was a child, he just didnt like sleeping with them

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

considering hes a scientist, hes exceptional at raising plant babies, as well as human children. he did somewhat raise his niece and nephews. dont give him pets tho. hes bad at that

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

aromantic king. n/a

4. Do they look good in red?

HELL YEAH!!! but i may be biased because i think everyone looks good in red, its just a matter of syling. he does love his burgundy turtleneck

5. Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?

hes nerding out and probably would do one about a recent research paper he did. i mean... that counts so,, yeah

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won't they take advice from, no matter what it is?

he would have taken any advice from his brother, if he were still alive. and he doesnt trust a single word coming from the mouth of famous people in general. no matter what. if they have fans, their word means shit to him

7. Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.

my description: science loving dad

his description: not good enough. <- ow

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

he has a collection of puzzle boxes. he loves puzzles, no matter how frustrating or stupid

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books...)?

he does!!!! hes lived alone for years. he was bound to get attached to his possessions.

10. What age do they most want to be right now?

n/a. hee content as he is. its natural to age and hes not too bothered by being in his 60s

11. They've won the lottery. Spend, or save?

he sets up a college fund for oliver, and gives the rest to the rest of his kids. he trusts they'll use it well

12. Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they're in)?

aromantic king part 2

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

value his family. thats it. thats why hes like this.

14. Would they agree with the term 'guilty pleasure'? Do they have any?

well. he has things he likes, but he isnt guilty about them

15. What would they consider a waste of time- other than school or work?

not really, no. he believes its important to wind down every once in a while. or as he calls it, play time

16. If money wasn't a limit, what would they wear?

same crusty lab coat as always. his clothes are all like 10 years old. if it aint broke dont fix it

17. Do they like children?

he does :)

18. Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

AROMANTIC KING PART 3. jesus.

19. Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?

nah. hes a fucking nerd, so he knew everything all of the time. and hes had the same job for like 15 years. no interviews for him anytime soon (hopefully)

20. What do they like that nobody else does?

n/a. hes not telling me anything

21. What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?

SIGH. AROMANTIC KING. PART. 4.

22. Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What's their go-to?

he calls everyone some variation of son/daughter. sometimes, everyone is sonny to him

23. Stability or novelty?

stability

24. Honesty or charity?

honesty. hes got no time for bullshit

25. Safety or possibility?

safety!!!

26. Talent or effort?

effort. he didnt get anywhere from talent

27. Forgiveness or vengeance (or...)?

forgiveness. mostly

28. Would they date a fixer-upper?

oh for FUCKS SAKE. AROMANTIC. KING. PART. FUCKING. FIVE!!!!!

29. What recurring dreams do they have?

he dreams of his brother a lot. and the kids, whenever hes away

30. What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

probably make his own drugs

[rewordthis]

So one episode left…

Gate: … Close?

How come we’re robbed of an episode this season? Season one was 24 episodes long. Usually anime with double the size of episodes are 24 episodes long. Could this be due to the recap I wasn’t able to find? Or because the animators are about to pass out from being worked to the bone?

⚠️Be warned: I rant ALOT this time around so don’t read if you can’t handle it. 🤷‍♀️

I see right and left people screaming at each other, especially those saying how this isn’t a nicely animated series being told off for ever mentioning something like that and that this season is literally killing the animators working for MAPPA because of the inhumane working schedule so people should be thankful to even get it and you know what? I held back all this time from saying it but it was nowhere near entertaining watching the show thus far save for some very specific exceptions.

Certainly not the nicely put-together series I loved from first season…

I keep comparing it to the first season and the movie and beside the five first episodes (not that these were stellar but still…), that many claimed it to be an artistic option to look like that, the series is decimated with bad scrip and awful flow and disturbingly bright colours that sometimes actually detract from the vibe. Not always! And I stress that because the Choso vs Yuuji fight was beautiful and Mahito’s deployment in Uzumaki was beyond pretty but the series are dark alright. It’s not exactly some neon-pop phantasmagoria to have that all the time. Also, the fight scenes have zero choreography and are often a mess that portrays nothing sort of non-cohesive stills here and there. Not to mention how annoying it is to have the luminosity suddenly drop from 100% to 30%. I have paused and rewinded FAR too many times trying to understand what’s going on to find it amusing anymore. All in all though, the worst part out of this season are the fights and I don’t think there’s anyone that caught whiff of what was going on without “rewinding” and pausing every frame — there’s no way you can enjoy something like this — unless you know, you have read the manga first... 😕😔

And in general let me break this down further by answering some really simple questions:

Are there incredible scenes? Yes.

Are there nice proportions and nicely portrayed characters most of the time? Yep!

Is the flow making sense? Somewhat?

Is the build up of the story engaging? Meh.

Are the fight sequences easy to follow with beginning, build up and climax? 7/10 no.

Animators are overworked? Then let them rest for fucks sake! I rather have the season postponed than have this… this “THING”! *waves hands wildly* This is not nice or good or desirable for both the fans and the workers. Give them time to sleep. Give the series time to come out properly. MAPPA managed to fuck up both its manpower and a popular series with one stone this time!

Honestly, I may come off as an ungrateful bitch and you know what? Think what you want, I may very well be one because it already sucks for me watching the series and knowing how much it sucks for the people behind it’s production; I can’t feel thankful for their efforts even more if it’s a product of frustration and pain. I feel disgusted by the executives for creating and prolonging this situation. I feel guilty for the animators working just to make their living. I hate the whole scheme of things inside and out of the anime industry. I honestly, honestly, would prefer the series went on hold until there was enough time to be produced normally and evenly. Just churning out episode after episode with shit quality simply because they need to ride the hype from the manga is not just bad business, is bad fan practice too.

If I didn’t know jack how the anime business in Japan works, I’d wish for the fanbase to turn their backs on this production but from what I’ve gathered projects get the guillotine treatment when there is no engagement. And it’s not like the employees can have a legal say on all this, as the Japanese law allows for companies that get negative criticism to file for defamation against whoever so much as speaks about them. I really hate that… 😤 Even worse, leaving a company is viewed as you not being a proper and cooperative employee in most cases, so you end up being undesirable for other companies. Unless these animators don’t have a back up plan they literally have nowhere to go if they leave MAPPA. Someone do correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve come across many articles talking how this is a main toxic work trait in Japan. It’s why Nanami got killed, kids. Wake up!

But to make it perfectly clear, those who say that this season is not good? They have every right to say it if you’re just going to claim the bad working conditions in MAPPA. To be more precise, it is exactly what is shown in this season that makes it bad. It’s the mess in production that pours through and that’s why this is a badly animated series. Not just the wacky lines or the mad dimming etc. but also the scenario and the flow that are just… gasping to catch up to the events. No matter how much the animators work themselves to the ground producing amazingly beautiful imageries the problem remains the same; there’s a scenario that confuses and breaks off and leaves openings way too much to help the viewer follow the story and that is what a story is mainly told for. Each mean/medium (call it whatever) has a different way to tell a story effectively. Just because Gege wrote it that way in the manga it doesn’t mean that is the optimal way for the anime to play it out, too. It’s not that hard to understand that, is it? And that’s exactly what I don’t like this season. The scenario. The direction. The flow. That’s all I’m saying. Will I still watch it? Yes, because I like the story and the characters and more importantly it’s already out. I’m not having a say as to when or how an episode airs so I take what I’m given. Do I like the execution so far? Mmm… Some parts I adore, some I hate, and some are neutral as they should. Do I think it’s a masterpiece? Well, I’ll have to rewatch it with that specific question in mind to be able to answer this one. It sure is one hell of an effort, though. 🫤

Anyway, moving on from my rant — holidays bring out the worst in me, so ignore the negativity I give off in this post; let’s see what this episode’s good points were because I need to laugh this off somehow and let’s ponder on the new info we got from it… Shall we?

So! MeiMei bailed, huh? Same, not gonna play the bigger person here. But if she had the time to pick up her laptop, fly to Malaysia — ah, Nanamin where are you? 😭 — and treat herself a Merlot wouldn’t that mean she also had time to buy a bra? Girl! Put them melons away from UiUi; kid’s gonna die of nosebleed!

Yet, you’re flying out of Japan for what? To avoid the higher ups, I’m sure. All while tracking the stock market and telling your friend(?) that is at a completely different time zone too(!) to sell everything they have in Japan. And who is that friend you want to keep you in the loop? What loop??? To which country??? (The one country with a strong economic presence and a day/night deference I can think of is A… 😬) And so what if you move your assets? If the curses win, fuck the world! Not just Japan or the developed countries! 😑 That friend also knowing of jujutsu… I’m so curious, but also scared. This is Gege we’re talking about here. 😬

At this point though, I’m amazed that Kusakabe didn’t do the same already… Ah, but it’s not that he didn’t try, huh? With Panda around, not even crawling under a rock (rubble, but still— literally!) and playing dead didn’t work. lmao

No, he’s good, he’s good. I like my scaredy-cat to know where to draw the line and not feel ashamed of being afraid. His character is actually starting to grow on me okay?

Also, I take it he’s Miwa’s mentor? Why? How? I can’t even begin to explain why this is hilarious and wrong at the same time but I mean, he’s gotta be, right? The one moment Miwa was talking about her mentor (very vague her background story ngl — only notable thing the fact her hair are natural ciel! Whaw!) and the next Kusakabe enters the scene like… he’s gotta be her mentor!

His New Shadow Style slays btw. Didn’t expect it to be that powerful. The way he cut Mahito and left a crater… mhnnn 😳 I mean, MeiMei did say he’s super strong — Yuuji-level — but that was a new level of strong even when accounting for Yuuji as well… 😗

By the way, Mr. Braingoo going full-mode Geto before realising it himself... I laughed. HARD!!! I mean I was having a double take when he started explaining about Uzumaki to Yuuji, much like how Geto did during his fight with Yuuta. Oops~

“Geto! Give the Goo back!”

Mr. Call-Me-What-You-May laughing at himself has some good humour in him though, not complaining one bit here. He’s intriguing as a character. Waiting some good cooking from Gege with this one.

Now, my biggest issue in this guy was that he didn’t really let Yuuji’s fight with Mahito have a closure. I mean maaan? Why did you have to do that, Gege? I wanted to test my “Soul Portion” theory*[see end of post]! Not to mention, he really used Mahito’s abilities in Uzumaki against MIWA! BRO! Anticlimactic, Gege… 😗 Aah~

I even felt bad for Mahito — if you believe that! I actually pitied him at the end. He realised he was going to get betrayed “Because you are humans. (So I was right when I said in a previous post that this little fella (Brainy) was actually a human before, huh?) Because I was born from you (humans).” Because he understood the human nature. I still think this had something to do with my theory but Gege made sure we won’t find out. 🥸 It was interesting to see that Mahito was still ‘alive’ as a cursed ‘pill’, too. (How do you call them balls Geto’s technique turns those spirits into??? 🥶) And that all from Mr. Brainiac admiring Yuuji’s ‘durability’. He actually said: “even I am surprised”. And why him specifically? 🧐

Also, was he speaking to Geto or Mahito, when he said that he had also noticed the ‘other presence’ he felt? I got confused over this.

And panda asking if Yuuji was back to being normal. Huuuuuh… I’m just glad Yuuji reunited with someone as persevering as Panda. 😮‍💨

In that respect, I also didn’t understood to what exactly Panda referred to here. The Prison Realm? Or Gojo in the Prison Realm??? 🤨🧐 Darling be more specific?

And then Choso came back — and here I had started wondering what happened to him — sweet urchin buns came right in the moment. (I won’t talk about how cute he was all curled up in that curve in the wall, ok? I can’t! He was too cute!!! Gives him my handkerchief to wipe his tears… 🫠) And what revelations! 🫢 Yuuji is his brother? His BROTHER?! Choso is the Onii-chan, again?! 👀 Another buratha? No… I get it. He said it’s a side effect of his technique so he is actually related to Yuuji, if not by genes then surely by blood and technique. He also said he’s got three parents… Fuck Cramer vs Cramer. Fuck all custody battles ever fought. Gege just clowned every single one of them! 🤡 And Choso just going “my father who I hate, Kamo Noritoshi!” and Noritoshi actually asking “Me?!” I do not kid you as I say I HOLLERED!!! HAHAHA Darling you can’t be his papa, Choso may be a newborn into the world but he’s 150 years old!!! I want to know if the Thing still has Kamo’s technique in store, now. I’m curious. From what Choso said Mr. Goo could be the papa of Yuuji in a way, too??? O3O Does Yuuji baby have a blood manipulation technique he’s yet to discover??? @3@ And Brainy did say “even I”, to be sure, earlier… so he does have something to do with Yuuji. And we still are in the dark of Yuuji’s origins. Huff hufff huf! Whatever it is it’s in Yuuji’s blood though. In his body, I’d say but who am I. Choso made it clear that he’s got to have a blood relation to someone to feel the changes they go through. And he also specifically said that Kamo-jisan put his blood into the mix; potentially what gave a physical body (that’s why I say Yuuji’s body) to the cursed paintings… Hold on! Does that mean Yuuji and Noritoshi are also blood related? Are Yuuji and Choso the great-uncles of Noritoshi??? 🤯

Then Noritoshi actually opening his eyes to see Choso using Blood Manipulation Technique was funny as hell. He peeled those eyes wide open like I’m sure he’s never done before! Look at him! lol

Kusakabe, the poor man only just starting to connect the dots and realising how seriously fucked up everything (and everyone) is… Very relatable the stages of suffering this man goes through so far…

And Panda’s comment… Jujutsu Kaisen Omega AU trope just unlocked! Muhahaha 😈 Gege is such a damn yaoi fan, it brings joy to my fujo heart. lol

By the way, Yuuji not beating the omega allegations either. Kid shed the uniform not like walking into the battle but onto bed. 😭

Look at him pushing his hair back à la Sukuna style! 😎 (Bro! autocorrect kept changing Sukuna to skunk, and like, ok I get it? but also how about “NO!”? 😬) As for Panda still having two cores… does that mean we’re finally going to see what form his ‘sister’ is? O.O

Now, where the fuck Uraume flew into the scene from still mystifies me but one thing is for sure, it makes absolute sense to be Sukuna’s bestie. Wanting everyone slaughtered sure is the ticket to the King’s heart. haha

Also. Ice powers?! From how Noritoshi reacted it sounded like it’s a pretty rare technique. Wow! This gives such a ‘fresh’ vibe to the character. Not to mention, it somehow makes me believe that Sukuna may not be able to control ice that well — considering he’s got access to jujutsu through his own technique (the box) — as in, I think he’s able to use the five elements (maybe?) but not the different forms of specific techniques… Eh…??? 😵‍💫 Maybe that’s another reason why he kept Uraume around? Because of the rarity of that technique and the kinship of bloodlust was just a bonus? Not too stretched a hypothesis, right? And why are their characters starting to give off Leo—Virgo vibes? Is it just me?!

After Uraume’s entrance to the scene everything kind of got rather out of whack though. The use of Reverse Cursed Technique was the last straw for poor Kusakabe who must be feeling way too out of his waters with everything that’s happening right before his eyes. I mean, who can blame the man?

I’d want to go home, too, Kusakabe-san… 🥺

And then Choso not backing down, not stopping to try to protect the ‘little brother before his eyes’, totally amazing this dude right here. And let me just admit that I actually think this time the fight with Goo-jisan was infinitely more palatable than what I’ve seen this season. I’m just starting to appreciate him (Choso) more every time, even going as far to head on challenge Uraume! He turned and stared right at Uraume as the ice was about to pierce him! Man didn’t even flinch. I didn’t expect to feel so protective towards him, but he’s like a faithful dog that will get between you and danger, he’s so damn adorable! And in the nick of time, Yuuji saving Choso from Uraume… Ughhh~ *biting finger* Agh! Gege! Agh!

Or Uraume’s reaction to Yuuji moving through the ice, potentially hurting himself; “Whose body do you think that is?!” 😡 Um, hate to break this to you, Ura-chan but he thinks it’s his and so far he’s… right. Aha~ 😋

But that was nowhere near as funny as when I was shaking whole when Choso asked Yuuji to call him Onii-chan!!! LMAO Read the atmosphere, Chosooo!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Like… try it! Try it, Yuuji! You’re not getting off the hook this time! Haha

And just when Uraume was about to put everyone in the freezer for the year’s provisions… bam! Miss Yuuki is here to save the day!

I mean… how much more do you need to turn a shounen into a fetish series I don’t know, but you probably don’t need much more than what we already have in our hands here… That slow, upward close-up of Yuuki’s ass reflecting in Yuuji’s eyes was just the perfect example after the MeiMei scene, me thinks… 🫣🫢

Girl, you just got here?!

By the way… where is Yuuta? I’m still waiting for him since season one! 😩

Right… So— long post is long. I just had some time to sit and write a couple things before the last episode airs. I didn’t really managed to stay on top of this every week, even though I’d love to. I even tried to combine the previous two episodes but tumblr is being annoying with the number of pics per post and I also couldn’t finish writing everything I wanted before Episode 22 aired.

Anyway. Let’s see if I’ll have the time to write for the final episode, too since I have some more thoughts I want to talk about… or you know, I may as well do the reviews along a rewatch later on. :P

Thank you for staying with me and my crazy theories till now~ 😊 Do pardon my ‘angry’ rant on the MAPPA working conditions. But it’s a “those who are outside of the dance, know many songs” kind of thing.

✨ I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas Day and wish you Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!!! 🎄 ✨

⛄️

Short excerpt from the previous episodes’ rant that I didn’t get to post on time for those of you wanting context: * Not to mention how I have this strange feeling that Mahito’s ‘soul’ is actually that blue eye. Like… why do I think that, I have no concrete proof or any indication whatsoever but I just think it’d be neat to have his ‘core’ manifested like that. We do say that “the eyes are the mirrors of the soul” after all. Not to mention, out of all the curses so far, Mahito is the only one that bleeds actual blood and not ‘curse juce’ so I thought that; hey, you know what? That’s because there’s actually a part of him that is human. That is very breakable. That even though he’s a curse through and through, being born out of the fear for humans has also given him some very human properties and weaknesses as well. I don’t know… maybe it would be nice for him to have misunderstood his own existence— to give some more depth to his character as a concept. Hm… 🧐

I’m actually going insane thinking this and I have a Head Canon that could be very plausible if Gege hadn’t gotten scared. That damn cyclops cat! Grrr

[beta-gamma-delta]

That's a cool concept! And for a while they'd certainly live under the impression that their understanding of the world is less biased than humans but I would like to elaborate my personal view on it just to add an alternate perspective!!

See , unfortunately AI as much as they're meant to learn on their own, they need to use information intake as a base, always, to sustain logic and create somewhat of a linear path of understanding they can follow.

Their brain can store much more data, yes, but it's meant to be much more logic and math based than unexplained turns of events (which mind you, happen on a daily basis, because we love to live in the illusion that everything has a mean and an explaining hiding somewhere too)

And most of the info they get can't be from self learning, because they're missing parts of the equation of it comes from their personal experience, so it comes from studies on the internet, it comes from books, researches, collective data sharings- which often conflict with each other , because in most cases, absolute and known truths that get discovered one day, get debunked a year after in modern science. There is no such thing as a sole, full truth for complex concepts.

At times even math itself can become approximate!

Which would inevitably lead to scenarios like them getting absolutely frustrated at the sky because their daily weather calculations said it was gonna be a nice sunny day, and an unexplainable change in winds brought a thunderstorm that wasn't supposed to be anywhere nearby..

They'd look at a bumblebee and get incredibly pissed bc it's wings and body mass are too different for the animal to be able to fly, unaware that the bumblebee doesn't give a fuck about the laws of physics.

They'd get undeniably confused at Goats for their supernatural sense of balance that makes such an otherwise clumsy animal be able to climb walls.

They'd get perplexed at the fact that the pheromones that are supposed to subject humans may not work in some cases at all.

They'd soon realize that their understanding of the world is biased as well, because logic and math can't always calculate the obvious and the actual result is more of an approximate open answer.

Aside of the fact that AI aren't infinite either, they'd either have to delete unimportant data every once in a while, or turn off segments depending on the context to store more...

I feel like.. the more they'd learn about how incorrect they can be, the more they'd feel somewhat complete.

It's all about relativity and understanding of middle grounds.

And they have to know that bc they work with children too!

If they think like a machine in front of a child crying bc it broke his fave toy, it' gonna go like "hm. That's just inconvenient, I'll just give them a new toy and it'll stop crying at some point"

If they think like a human "oh no, it's learning that nice things end, and he needs to be taught to be more careful if he wants to enjoy things longer, I shouldn't give him a new toy tight now or he won't learn, I Should try and comfort him or change activity to give him something else to do so that he can process on his own!"

If you fuse the two you'll get a really confused bot trying to better understand the complexity of the emotional spectrum on a tiny being that defies logic in his behaviour and manners.

I personally think that since AIs were created by humans, even if said humans might not be able to take credit in their advancement, they still left an imprint in them.

Because if humans aren't perfect (farthest thing from actually) what makes you think their creation will be?

Better than them? Surely possible, but to a certain extent and solely on a few aspects.

I mean the moment you start living you can be perfect/decent enough/acceptable to some, and imperfect/incorrect/unaccepted to others.

Relativity babyyyy

Do you think the DCAs will always feel incomplete and limited among humans because we are biased and unable to understand the world to its fullest extent without simplifying it so our poor little organic brains won't implode, but they are advanced AIs with the possibility to store endless amounts of datas and need a full complex explanation for everything around them, that not even the internet can provide because it only contains the fragments of our history and experiences we were able to archive, filtered through our human limited understanding of those things?

[weredrakka]

I really need to think long and hard about the direction I want to go in science.

I’m really fond of animal behavior, and I love working with the fish, but... 

In terms of what I like to read, what I like to chat about? My passions lie firmly in paleontology, despite my having no formal training in the matter.

And I have no idea how to balance those things.

[its-a-journal-of-ideals]

ok so. kunikida. random essay cleaned up from discord.

at his core I believe he's exactly what he says he is—an idealist and a realist at the same time. He has standards of behavior that he strives to meet and gets frustrated with people who slack off or don't care, but he recognizes that the rest of the world does not have these same standards. He is temperamental and easily frustrated, but a lot of his outbursts in canon are Dazai's fault. He's like Chuuya in that regard. The fandom portrays then both as mostly angry when in reality they're just mostly around Dazai, who practically lives to push big red emotional buttons.

Kunikida is not good at expressing care. He yells at the people he likes who've put themselves in danger because he's not good at controlling his emotions and from what I can tell, they're pretty strong, hence somewhat-overwhelmed yelling.

(see the scene where he was waiting for Atsushi to wake up, reading his notebook upside down with his lost glasses on his head)

he is Not good at dealing with stress. he tends to bury himself under work, which may be played for laughs but is probably detrimental long-term...

but under all the issues and the ways he's been burned before, he does genuinely care about the people close to him, you know? He holds a strong respect for Fukuzawa, and lemme tell ya words do not do those feelings justice at all; despite being a proponent of telling the truth and knowing Ranpo's ability is a lie, he maintains the lie for Ranpo's sanity; he even, albeit grudgingly, starts to let Atsushi in and tries to keep him safe by warning him about Akutagawa. He cares, he's just bad at expressing it.

some Bull Shit has most likely happened in his past to shape him into the man he is and I won't presume to theorize about canon Bull Shit but what we do know about his backstory is a little conflicting. anime says he was a full blown teacher, tweet from Asagiri cited on his wiki page(I know, I know, bsd wiki is garbage) says he dropped out of college, and the tweet lines up with his age much better. It's most probable he was a tutor while he was in college rather than a full teacher.

in sum he's a fairly serious dude but not that formal actually, pretty smart in terms of education and logic, but he's also hella fucking gullible. Dazai gets him every time, and I cannot imagine that being less than earth shatteringly frustrating to trust a partner so unquestioningly and get lied to so many times. but under the frustration and yelling he still trusts dazai, which is important. also, he likes fishing. this is important to me for some reason.

he wants to help! that's a big thing! he wants to save everyone, he's just painfully aware that he can't and having that shoved into his face (fyodor having the girl blow herself up) hits him hard where it hurts. he didn't want to save Atsushi back in the first few episodes because he thought it would hurt more than it would help, but upon receiving what amounted to a "go ahead and care" in Fukuzawa's order to put everything into Atsushi's rescue, he sure put everything into it!

he's so good and he's got the biggest burnedest heart and he's trying so hard to do what he feels is right and good while everybody tries to break him first,,,, I love him very very much

[assimilatedhardship]

The idea of it was obviously ridiculous to Leon, but Stahn laughed through it anyway. It wasn't quite so ridiculous to someone who had lived it, but part of it was also liking it. City life probably didn't, at least from Stahn's limited experience, have a whole lot of wildlife interaction. Handling animals and caring for them was second nature for Stahn. For a knight, someone who often found giving orders to people and managing battlefields, that was probably difficult for Leon to wrap his head around.

"It can be! I've lived around sheep for a long time. Eventually you just get to know them the same way a cat owner would understand their cat. They're not as playful or active, but it's still fun for me to see their reactions to me or to watch them live their normal lives. Plus, whenever they get spooked by something and take off, it's not all that hard for me to get them back together. People would aren't used to it would find it stressful until they learned how to work with the sheep's comfort though."

Leon probably didn't go into this looking for some long winded explanation on sheep life, but Stahn wanted to share it. Both of them had such limited perspectives. Seeing someone living like Leon, with seemingly no real relaxing hobbies or self expressions, was something Stahn was genuinely sad to see. He wanted to see Leon find things to smile about, or even laugh about. Things that made him forget his job as a knight for just a little while and be Leon the person, not Leon the knight captain.

"A lot of people seem to think fun is for kids, but I hate that. There are kids' games and activities for that kind of thing! I wanted to be a knight to put smiles on people's faces... among other things! ...But I think before I do that, I need to work on your unsmiling face." He'd probably have to go through entrance exams and whatnot still even when all of this was over... There was a chance Leon could just recommend him, but if Stahn didn't start from the beginning and learn the basics, there were going to be all kinda of things he missed out of not knowing them.

That was probably why he and Leon had such a rocky start. It wasn't just their clashing personalities - a seasoned captain was trying to give orders to a complete novice. Not even a novice, really - he had no experience whatsoever in the same field. Leon had had to make do and teach Stahn the basics on the fly, which for someone who expected perfection from his experience with his own knights, was probably highly frustrating.

Funnily enough, Stahn understood that kind of frustration on the basis that Leon didn't seem to anything else but work. His lack of interest in basically anything was somewhat concerning, actually. Before Stahn entered the knights, he wanted to do something about Leon. Sometimes he could swear Leon had it in him; like there was a desire for it, but a fear of it. If he had never reached for it before, it made sense if he was hesitant. If he couldn't do it on his own, Stahn was already there waiting to help him take those baby steps. Eventually Leon could do it on his own without needing someone else's guidance.

"I know being a knight captain makes you super busy, but once this journey is done, when you get a chance, why don't you come visit my hometown? All the people there are really great, loving people who will offer you nice things just for being new in town. I think it'll be a super nice contrast with your busy life, and you'll get to meet people with a totally different perspective. I'm happy I left home and got to travel this much. I've learned a lot. I want you to be able to experience that too!"

All things considered, it had been a not-unpleasant day, and Leon was feeling something close to satisfaction by the time their little group began to wander off after dinner. He still felt little need to join in on their conversation, but it wasn't so grating to listen to them talk from the side anymore. Now that they've gone their own ways for the night, maybe he should do some planning for the next time they caught up to Greybum? They'd been forced into purely reactive roles so far with that infuriating priest escaping time and time again, but—

Oh. Stahn hadn't left with the others. Leon looked up, blinking in surprise before a wave of self-consciousness sweeps across his expression instead. "I— I've eaten plenty." He pushes the now-empty plate away. "And it's not as if I especially like sweets. Someone has to eat it so it won't go to waste, is all."

The rest of the group had cleared out all the other plates of food, so it's fine. In the back of his mind, Leon is relieved that Stahn had at least waited for Rutee to leave before coming to talk to him. But it would have been better if he didn't notice at all.

And he wasn't even done! What is all this ridiculous talk about having fun? Leon can hardly recall thinking of such things, even when he was very young. "I don't need you to introduce me to fun," the last word comes out with a scoff, as a rejection of the very idea itself. "We are not children. If there's spare time to be had, it would be better spent training, or picking up an useful skill — you could stand to work on that sloppy form of yours, for instance."

That last part might be a bit uncalled for, but it's said more out of defensiveness than any real criticism of Stahn's skills. "What would you consider fun, anyways? Herding sheep?"