#I love the concept of them reflecting light only when they face each other

[burloire]

You are the sun, I am the moon You are the words, I am the tune Play me

I spent like three days mucking about with this and I am so pleased with it. I've finally started feeling like experimenting with harsher shapes/colors and even if its muddy idc its fun. Also the idea was supposed to be her spirit wings were based on halla horns but it turned out looking like a helix and you know what, thats FINE her DNA is coded to love Mr Solas Fen'Harel Dread Wolf Spirit Speaker Dragon Age and thats FINE!!!

[leolithe]

I haven't visited Warframe Wiki in MONTHS let's catch up a bit and reminisce about Lotus Eaters :D

Seeing "Natah/Lotus/Margulis" together on the wiki in a new quest 🥹.....

the Operator, Drifter, Lotus system family........ I love when they're shown to care for each other. I really hope there's more opportunities for them to just respond and react to each other. After the Hex quest I'm more than certain DE can meet the demand for affection from our OG Tenno family.

We should all be collectively freaking out about the sentence, "The Indifference is affecting the Lotus now".

It is so cruel, for a character who was constantly dehumanized, accused of being unfeeling, uncaring, evil... who all this time, struggled to prove that she cared, that she was as human as everyone... to get consumed by an embodiment of the very thing everyone tried to vilify her for. I am scared for her.

So the Lotus system can hear: their headmates' voices, the Indifference's call, the cries of Void Angels, the sounds of "Devils" that we don't know if they're alluded to as physical entities yet, and the cacophony i can only imagine that is the calls of life. How she hasn't suffered a sensory overload is incredible and heartbreaking.

I'm so, so, so happy DE is explicitly writing plurality into our Space Moms. It cemented the Lotus system as my favourite characters of all time... There's never been a character I met that was this thematically cohesive, this conceptually interesting. She's just so, so, so good.

I think it's so cute that the Lotus system refers to their body as their "shell"....... with how crustacean-like Natah is, I also described her body with words like shell and carapace in my fics before so this just makes me smile big big ^_^

I like this line. I read it as DE not at all regretting the direction they went with in regards to the Lotus' story. She was abused, she was hindered, mocked, and constantly punished for doing the one thing she wanted to do: Love her family, the Tenno. And the system saying this out loud is an unflinching point of confidence, that they know they were deeply wronged.

However, I do admit I would've liked to see a bit of Natah/Lotus/Margulis' reflecting on their past actions and what they were forced to do. This quest admittedly doesn't seem like the best place for an "I feel guilty about the things I did when I thought I was right, or when I was under the control of another" emotional beat, and this kind of subject (a victim's conflicting feelings after traumatic events) needs to be handled carefully and with enough time for nuance. So I'm content with sitting with it for now.

I still sometimes see people struggling with the point that Margulis is straight up just living inside Natah's/the Lotus' body. Like, yes, the Original Margulis was executed before the Old War, and the situation she's in right now (being a Human Mind in a Sentient Body) really is the Ship of Theseus dilemma... but idk i feel like accepting that the Lotus system feels and remembers the pain of the Jade Light is easier than making the "how Natah/Lotus will never be Margulis" speech again.

Besides, I think the "Natah and Margulis are formed from Lotus' perspective of them" theory/headcanon is enough to explain why Margulis is with them... but somehow I don't think plural concepts are well-known to the average person lol

The idea of all 3 of them mourning Margulis' death but not wanting to change it is just. OOOOOOOOUUUGH... my heart....... Margulis chose to die but she was never allowed her death. Margulis chose to die but she can never regret it. The system was shaped by everything they faced, all the good, all the bad, and they know taking anything apart means losing themselves. They don't want to lose who they are... they don't want to lose each other........ WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I read a comment somewhere that pointed out something I missed: The Tenno are all about taking one's pain away. What would they do about someone who wants to keep her pain? Someone who is in the early stages of Rell's situation, face to face with the Indifference? ....... Lotus nightmare sequence please? :3

No, Lotus..... I don't............. :<

I'm very scared to find out what her deal with the Indifference exactly was. I hope it shatters my heart.

I do wonder if DE is gonna mention Rell again now that the Lotus system took up his role. I still hold onto that Copium that Margulis was framed for casting him out, or that there was something from other perspectives that we were missing regarding how these two treated each other... Regardless, I think it would be nice for us to see the Lotus system reflect on Rell and what happened to him.

My Working Theory for the future of the Lotus System is that she'll continue guarding the Origin System from the Indifference, but not without consequence. When Lotus ascends to Godhood and takes up that gatekeeper role, she's gonna be in close proximity to the Void. I think there might be an arc where she accepts the Void and all its flaws into her body, a la Dark Matter in Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon :P

Leave it to a Sentient AI plural system to be The Great Sentient Queens of Multitasking :P

I want to know more about what other people observe about her SO BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. I WANNA BE THE ONE OBSERVING HER BEHAVIOURS, I wanna see more of her facial expressions, her little twitches, her posture, her quirks, her attitude changes when she switches. I want to hear more of her singing, I want to be there to comfort her, I want my Tenno to talk to her and I want her to respond in kind.

I just want MORE LOTUS and I now have dangerously high expectations for her writing and the way she's going to be portrayed in future quests. DE is setting up something huge and I can only hope the time it takes for them to finally release it manages to temper my expectations.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I need to end post now. Oh Space Moms. We love you so so so much.

[spiderfunkz]

RED MEANS I LOVE YOU

pairings. cho hyun-ju x gn!reader

cw. canon violence, blood, hurt to comfort.

author's note: the hyun-ju hype can't die down guys!! please send some requests but i'm begging atp for u guys to read this beforehand.

if you could describe what you were seeing for the past few days, it would be that your vision was tainted in red. no matter how much you itch, scratch, wipe, or scrub off— you're bloodied in loss.

it didn't look pretty either. the person you were before is just a mere reflection in the mirror, you wanted to get off whatever island you were on. it's torture, that's for sure, you couldn't even imagine how stupid you were for accepting the concept in the first place. it was too good to be true and you knew it— maybe you did, you're not sure anymore.

although, amongst all the wreck and violence, you were able to find one highlight of the entire experience. no, it wasn't the relief after surviving a round, and it wasn't lunch breaks either.

it was cho hyun-ju.

the tall woman who almost peered over you by a bit. she found you after the break of the first game, she seemed tense— almost afraid, at first, you wondered why she was. it doesn't matter though, she embraced you with open arms and soon a bond began to blossom.

lights out would be spent with whispers about your past and laughs about jokes that lingered far behind your mind. hyun-ju shared stories and tales about her life, your heart beats with empathy and also admiration. she was so brave, kind, intelligent, strong, and trust-worthy. you hope to get through this game with the chances of you two meeting each other again.

"where are you from, hyun-ju?" her own name sent shivers down her skin, you said it with such sincerity. "i'm from gwangmyeong, i've since moved out." her face has a slight smile to it, it seems a bit bitter, "hey, i'm near gwangmyeong! we were long, longggg neighbors!" everything you said seems to lighten her mood even more.

you brought a sense of comfort to hyun-ju, especially in a place like this. you don't know how much she really needed it. she didn't feel the usual gut-wrenching, almost stomach inducing pain she usually does when she's with someone.

though, right now, you could barely think about any of those without panicking or losing your sanity. the games took a twist, another one, if you will. player 456's or gi-hun's plan was clear enough for you to understand, it played off well at first, but now, you were scared out of your head for hyun-ju.

it was impressive to see her lead and teach the others, her combat knowledge seemed incredible, must've been the army. you watched her explain in the comfort of your bed, she didn't take any other answer when she insisted that you stay in the safety of the games dormitories. you couldn't argue with her, it was the last thing you wanted.

you didn't doubt her abilities. she is well-skilled, yet there was an aching knaw that something is wrong. you didn't want to lose her.

but when hyun-ju and the others left the room, you just sat and begged that she would come back un-injured and alive. the group of people near you were supportive, including some other allies you managed to make during the six-legged pentathlon and mingle. without them, you wouldn't be able to be where you are now.

though a small portion of you wished you were somewhere else, you know, preferably your home, but this time; there were no more unexpected knocks, no more piles of letters reminding you of your nail-biting ending (a.k.a getting evicted), and no more stress about the things you could've gotten done earlier in your life— if only you had your path straight then.

your thoughts were snapped when a fellow player went into the room in a state you knew too well. he looked afraid, he was repeating a sentence you couldn't seem to make out, however, soon it became clear what it was. people tried to approach him but you knew better, he needed to calm down and do his part, and their scolding will not help.

your heart wanted to ease down but couldn't when you saw hyun-ju ran in. she wasn't supposed to come back so quickly, it made you sigh— maybe from relief, maybe from dread.

but oh, did the amount of blood on her make you want to puke.

it's sickening, to be surrounded by it too. there are stains of people's death all around the place, you can't even sleep. you haven't been sleeping. not even hyun-ju's touch could bring you back to the slumber you've grown to miss so much.

you stood up from the bed, she was facing player 388, or dae-ho. he was the one who went in, the one who looked absolutely terrified. he was trembling.

she hugged the magazines he collected earlier and she was about to run off again. but her eyes met your glossy and almost tear-filled ones.

"don't go, hyun-ju."

"i have to."

"you're gonna get hurt. you have so much blood on your face, oh gosh," your hand held up near her cheek, it's a hesitant move, but she leans into the touch. you wipe as much as you could off, "don't go, hyun."

she looks back and took a moment to think before looking at you again, she takes a deep breath. "okay, okay. don't get teary-eyed," she smiles, "i'm here, i'll keep you safe."

"okay, then." you were inhaling and exhaling as steady as you could. it still came out shaky, you were almost hyperventilating. "let me, just wipe this off." your hands gently trace the marks on her face, wiping away all the impurities and worries off of her.

[zeebee3]

Dramione Month day 13: forced proximity

Draco/Hermione

Rated M

Touch-starved Draco, crying, dry humping

(Link to AO3 here)

———

“We only have to play it once.”

It wasn’t the comfort that her tone made it sound.

Draco scoffed dryly. “The song is four and a half minutes long.”

Standing across the Slytherin table, Granger folded her arms over her chest. He’d hoped she was only here, accosting him at dinner, to inform him of her success after having complained to Trelawney about the assignment. To instead be faced with having to go through with it…

He didn’t want to give it air, but, well, they both knew what they had to do. Trelawney had been very clear with her assignment in her newly minted Mental and Emotional Well-Being class. Being obligated to attend the class was its own issue, but being partnered with Granger was less than ideal. They’d repaired some of the animosity between them but were nowhere close to being comfortable enacting the assignment – not that he’d have felt remotely comfortable doing it with anyone else, either.

But his own sensitivities were beside the point. For her to not have rightfully and adamantly protested against being paired with him…

He was skeptical, and his question was imbued with it. “You’re seriously okay with having to hug me for four and a half minutes?”

Her arms tightened but her chin lifted a stubborn half inch. “We don’t have a choice. Professor Trelawney—”

“I know, I know.”

He rubbed his brow, needing a moment to acclimate to the concept that for the next almost-five-minutes, he’d be hugging Hermione Granger. And not only hugging but holding, the position so intimate he’d blushed at the in-class demonstration performed by two simulacra transfigured from a cobweb.

Trelawney had been blathering on about aligning heart chakras and deep breathing and the power of physical touch as a way to unlock the light of humanity in one another, but all Draco had seen was: hug.

He’d have to hold her on his lap. For the duration of a song. Salazar.

He sighed, lowering his hand. “Fine. When?”

When her eyes dropped to his empty dinner plate, his stomach lurched. Godsdamned Gryffindors and their inability to not charge right ahead. Though, if he was being self-reflective – something he usually endeavored not to be – it was clear he could use a bit of gumption to unstick himself from the lethargy he’d found himself caught up in.

“We could go outside?” she suggested. “It’s a lovely evening. And then we…well, we’d have privacy without being…”

The meaning was plain; he raised a quelling hand, not needing nor wanting her to explain all the other private places she’d rather not be alone with him.

“Outside is fine. The meadow, just beyond the Greenhouses?”

“Yes.” She took a step back, preparing to leave. “Good.”

He rose and followed her out. The warmth of summer lingered in the air and behind the Greenhouses, the grounds opened up into an endless sea of grasses and late summer wildflowers. It was horribly beautiful but mercifully empty.

“So, I’ll just…” From her pocket, she withdrew the small orb that Trelawney had handed to each pair. A single tap of her wand set it hovering a few feet from the ground. “And now you…”

With a resigned inhale, he sank to the meadow. “Trelawney won’t know if we just…sat and listened to it?” He sent an uncharacteristically hopeful look up at her. “Side by side?”

“No. I’m not risking having to do this twice. Come on, let's just do it.”

She clicked her fingers and dutifully, he stretched his legs out straight in front of him, bracing himself with hands behind as she awkwardly lowered down until she was perched on his thighs, face to face. It was immediately clear she was holding the majority of her weight off him, and so he sighed again.

“You won’t break me, Granger. Get comfortable so we can get this over with.”

“Fine.” She settled on him fully, her weight grounding him to the earth in a way he found oddly comforting. “Now…put your arms…”

Before she could finish the instruction, he sat forward, arms coming up to loosely wrap around her ribs, matching the directions of the cobwebs in only the most technical sense. Her arms curled around his shoulders, close enough that her elbows dug into him just slightly.

“Is this right?” she asked, half to herself, then drew back only enough to glance down between them, wiggling slightly to center herself over his lap and making a soft sound of approval when their sternums were properly aligned. “There. That feels better.”

“Sure.” Anything to get the music going, so that it would be over.

Granger, perhaps sensing his tension, pressed her lips together into a firm line and reached for her wand, tapping the orb again. It began to emit a soft green light, and then the tones of several string instruments rose up in a long, drawn-out overture.

He inhaled deeply and fixed his gaze to the distance over her shoulder, letting the swells and ebbs of the music wash over him. It was a beautiful song, mournful and yearning, and as the low, grounding notes of a cello supported the ever-soaring rise of the violins, he felt his sinuses prick with emotion.

Fuck.

He swallowed roughly, resisting a more tell-tale sniff, and self-consciously adjusted his hold on her. Her hands slid along her forearms, close enough that he could feel the fingers of her right hand against his right shoulder. Her curls brushed his face in cadence with the way the breeze was flirting with the wildflowers. Her knees hugged his hips, body warm and all around him.

His palms were sweating, heart pounding, as the raw, untended-to emotions within him rose and rose and rose.

When the music hit a plateau, all the instruments idling together in a place of balanced harmony, she exhaled slowly, contentedly, and relaxed into his hold. He couldn’t help himself. A sound escaped him, a broken, muffled half sob, and his entire body flared with mortification.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, clearing his throat.

“It’s alright,” she whispered. “I feel a little emotional, too.”

Her arms tightened around him, a tiny gesture of the truth in her words, and he couldn’t stem the quiver in his lip. It had been so long since he’d felt safe in someone's arms.

“I don’t know why I’m–” He broke off, embarrassed by the warble in his voice. He cleared his throat roughly, and then again. “We can stop – we should stop.”

“Not yet.” Her voice was soft. “The song isn’t finished. Just hold me, and I’ll hold you, alright?”

The tension in his body was beginning to ache, his jaw and chest and throat all tight with restraint, so when she slid one hand down his back in a soft, soothing touch, he didn’t have the strength left to control himself. He buried his face into the crook of her neck and let out a shuddery, tearful breath.

The soft murmurs of her understanding melted into the music, until all he could hear were string instruments harmonizing with the early evening crickets, and all he could feel was the soul-deep anguish of the second chance he’d been given by all the living beings around him. He didn’t deserve it, not in any measure, but here he was, being given it bountifully.

There was nothing he could do that would make her more disgusted by him than what he’d already done, and so he took the invitation offered and anointed her with tears.

It was only after he collected himself that he realized she was trembling in his arms, wracked with soft, quiet sobs. It was reflex to haul her closer, hugging her to his body until there was no space between them at all. She gripped him back.

The music faded, and in the absence of it, everything else sharpened.

The heat of his skin where her temple was pressed to his neck, warm exhales gusting down his damp shirt. The scent of her hair; the texture of it against his lips. He’d never held someone for so long; long enough to have begun to forget where his body ended and hers began. The material of her jumper was coarse as he worried at it with his fingertips, feeling the faint ridges of her ribs underneath as her breathing leveled out.

For a moment they were quiet, and then she drew back just enough to tilt her face up to his. Her eyes were glossy, red-rimmed and framed with tear-darkened lashes. It felt like a liminal state, to be so close to warmth and amber; he was momentarily suspended in her gaze.

“Draco,” she whispered, voice thin and precarious. “Would you kiss me?”

Whether the question was meant to assess his newfound ethos or if she simply needed the reassurance that breaking down didn't mean being broken hardly mattered, not when the answer to both was the same.

He swallowed, and nodded, and when she licked her lips, he leaned in to do the same.

Her lips tasted like salt water but inside, she was sweet. A soft sound escaped him when his tongue found hers, curiosity and pleasure and awareness all rolled into one. She returned it, darting her tongue against his, tilting her head to welcome him further in. His hands slid until his forearms were banded around her back and in response, her arms cinched around his shoulders, knees tightening around his hips.

To be kissed after being held was a luxury he’d never known, and when her fingers hesitantly rose to card through his hair, he nearly wept again. But with their hips pressed snugly and her tongue sliding deliciously against his, the intimacy of the moment shifted to a different variety.

“Sorry,” he mumbled into her mouth, when her hips canted against his and discovered how fervently he was responding. “Ignore it.”

She pinned his bottom lip between her teeth instead, and rolled her hips forward with intention.

“Actually, if it’s alright–” She sucked on his lip, then kissed him again. “–if you wouldn’t mind–it’s been so long–”

He kissed her hard, dropping a hand to her arse. “Fuck. Anything.”

“Then—like this…just like this.”

She spread her knees, hips tilting downward, and he shot a hand between them to align his cock for her, tugging it up along his zip, knuckles brushing against her in the process. Even through the crumpled fabric of her skirt, he could feel a new sort of heat and dampness.

He wanted to rotate his wrist, to rub his fingers between her legs and watch as her face filled with an agony so different from before. But she’d said just like this and so he slid his hand to her thigh instead, helping her roll her hips over him again and again and again.

She panted into his mouth and he had to brace with a hand behind himself, thighs tensed with the restrained desire to thrust up against her. The music was still echoing in his head, complemented by the sounds of nature performing its twilight routine, tucking away and waking up in perfect symbiosis. It was an insubstantial distraction.

It shouldn’t have felt so easy to find balance with her, not after all the ways he’d tried to tip the scales, but in that moment, he didn’t overthink it. And so when his head fell back, heavy on his nape at her next perfect grind over him, he groaned and gave in.

“Oh.” Her knees slid further on the grass at the urgent upward roll of his hips. “Oh gods, do that again.”

He did, fingers curling into the grass and her jumper, the heels of his dragonhide boots digging into the earth as he bent his knees enough to rock his hips up under her, grinding against her. Her lips slid to his jaw and then his neck, the damp heat of her gasping breaths against his tear-streaked skin making him shiver, goosebumps prickling across his body.

“Yes,” she breathed. “Like that. Like that.”

If it had been long for her, then it had been eons for him. And with the way she was grabbing at him, holding tight, her fingers agony in his hair, the pain-pleasure of it making his eyes roll shut–

“I’m going to—” He panted, helpless to stop it. “Oh…fuck, I’m going to—Granger, I’m–”

She whimpered into his mouth, stealing the rest of his warning and destroying any remaining chance he had of holding off. Heat flared in his lower abdomen, radiating along his inner thighs and up. His jaw stuttered then went lax as the pleasure crested. A broken sound muffled behind his lips and then, when it became too much, into the crook of her neck. Jumper fisted tightly. Pleasure. Relief.

He was only distantly aware of her own shuddering, the high little whimpers barely escaping the tightness of her throat, and then the pleasure faded, and in the absence of it, everything else sharpened.

The weight of her body over his, overwhelming in the comfort of it. Her exhales, gusting over his damp lips, wet from her kisses and tongue and his tears. The scent of her arousal; of his own. The reality that they’d just gotten off together. Outside. In plain sight, the sun just barely flirting with the horizon. After having hardly exchanged a word.

Panic was rising up, the uncertainty of what would come next his familiar foe, but before it had a chance to retighten the knot in his chest, she leaned back.

He winced as she put fresh pressure on his sensitive, spent cock but the next second she was settling on his thighs, knees tucking in around his hips and cheek resting against his shoulder.

He felt the swish of her wand at his side and then the overture was swirling in the air around them, the rising lilt of violin grounded by the low drag of the cello.

In his chest, his heart seized.

She exhaled slowly, contentedly, relaxing into his hold, and he couldn’t stop himself.

“Granger–”

“Shh.” She nuzzled against him, curls tickling his nose. “Just hold me, and I’ll hold you. Alright?”

He huffed a little laugh, but did as she said. They could sort it all out when the song ended.

Or perhaps they’d just let it play again.

[jaelaxies]

𝟏𝟐:𝟎𝟎

12:00

fluff; wc: 635.

Soobin x fem reader!;good sugary fluff; friends to lovers au!; makeup artist au!; tw: none.

Song recommendation:  Daylight — Taylor Swift. (lover)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･

—Choi Soobin!

She cupped his cheeks softly, making him look even more cute in the dim light of the room. The only other thing that was distracting in every sense was the mess of different reflections of glitter in transparent components, but Soobin couldn’t be more focused on anything but making sure he wasn’t as red as a rose and the way his best friend was chewing at her lip, so concentrated on delicately placing her fingers on his skin. A very childish yet adorable smile adorning her features. — I told you to stay quiet!

When she called him at 10:00 pm, practically begging him to come for help; this isn’t what he had in mind, nor did he expected other stuff, but surely, being a model wasn’t one of them and his body just had to react to her. To her touch. Because what a big boy he was with a crush he didn’t want to confess yet. After shooting her a playful glare and a huff, he shifted closer. Just an inch, because he really did wonder if she could hear his loud and thumping heartbeat.

Another soft dab at his cheeks, she inched closer to his cheekbones. Her minty breath suddenly grabbing his attention. The way she softly touched his skin while applying layers of glitter was as calming as a breeze, something unexpected for him. — You really suit this concept, Soobin.

Now she was grabbing his chin, her gaze locked into his. Soobin was mesmerized by the way her eyes shined even brighter than the particles she had spread all over his cheekbones and the ones who glimmered behind her in the moonlight. Her gaze was something that always made him flush; the way her round and big eyes just softened and looked at him trough long lashes and a half smile. — I’m sure you’re going to steal a lot of hearts.

She said eagerly while grabbing another jar this time with a blue tint to it, leaving his chin and face to rest for a bit. Playing with the jelly like texture of the glitter, she absentmindedly let her thoughts out of her head. — Just like you stole mine.

Wait.

Wait.

What?

She widened her eyes as she let the thought of what she had just said sink in, while Soobin snatched his look onto her figure again. She was no longer holding the jar but her sweater paws were covering her mouth; her face covered into the prettiest shade of pink, Soobin could ever describe. Is this how he always looked? And of course, he couldn’t let this one go, he couldn’t make an excuse or thought he misheard because those same big eyes were expecting an answer: silently but still pleading to hear something from him.

He did what his brain thought it was best to convey his feelings. He positioned himself closer to her and brough his plush plump lips to her cheek, kissing it softly but just for long enough to feel the warmth of her skin and the butterflies in his own stomach. As he separated himself a little bit, she reached for her cheek, still having the same bambi eyes.

— I always thought I would confess first. — He said while looking for her free hand, gently caressing it with his thumb, he could feel the heat in his face and neck but it didn’t matter to him that much right now, he always wanted to hear that. To feel this.

—Yeah, me too…— She chuckled to herself, as she intertwined their fingers this time; causing the boy to relax even more; her touch was like Midas. — But I guess I couldn’t hold it anymore.

They looked at each other and smiled, just as the clock stroked midnight, a new love story had just started.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･

Ever since i saw these concept photos i always wanted to do a small drabble like this, bc blonde soobin and glitter and omg 🥹😌🤝🏻

Also I hope you all dont mind that I'm starting again with shorter drabbles for now; it's a temporal thingy tho, i just wanted to write again but with a plan in mind 🧘🏼

Remember that feedback is always appreciated and i love reading you guys comments! 🤍

Taglist is also open! just comment and i'll add you to it! Im sorry if somebody was in my old taglist but i kinda forgot with the whole hiatus thing.

Hoped you enjoyed reading,

xoxo, stella! ☁️🤍🪄

[phantomoftheskies]

IT’S BACK! FINALLY- THE ONE, THE ONLY, TONE-DEAF BARD HEADCANNONS PART TWO!!

Who knew I’d get super sick on Venti’s birthday and then forget all about this? Not me- but uhhhh it’s here now! Soooo…

Sorry •^•

-Venti got his cat allergy from the nameless bard, as well as his hatred for cheese.

-When Venti first shifted into a human form, he didn’t know how to use it. It took many tries to really grasp how to walk, and especially how to talk…

-Adding onto that, when Venti first tried to talk, only squeaks would come out of his mouth, although he adapted to basic language rather quickly.

-When first grasping the human concept of “love”, Venti was weirded out by the thought of a kiss- it just really didn’t make sense to him. Why would people press their faces together to show affection? That’s disgusting!

-In his spirit form, when he drinks water or any liquid, it looks as if he’s absorbing it like a sponge because he hops inside the liquid and it slowly dries up as it’s inhaled into the void.

-Zhongli and Venti share a special relationship, but are famous for keeping how close they are to each other a secret. Some of the archons think they’re married, while others think they hate each other. It used to be a guessing game between the gods about how much they care about each other.

-Venti’s weak point in battle is that he’s much more reliant on air than other beings. He can’t stay underwater for long, and being choked will render him unable to throughly connect with Anemo.

-Mr. Fox and the Clockwork Guardsman is a reflection of Venti and Zhongli :) also if you haven’t read the storybooks in the Archive they’re actually so good you should

-Venti actually chooses whether to be drunk or not. Sometimes he’ll decide that he wants to be drunk, and deliberately lets the alcohol affect him while other times (AKA almost never) he chooses not to get drunk and simply enjoy the flavor of the wine.

-Venti’s worst fear is to be trapped alone, which is why he’s so afraid of his slumbers

-During his slumbers, Venti dreams of an almost alternate reality of Teyvat, where everything is perfect. Khaenri’ah never fell, the Original Seven never died, etc etc

-When he wakes up, he usually secludes himself for several days as he tries to recover from thinking that that was reality, only to find out it isn’t.

-Ehe~

-Venti is very self-conscious of his singing, despite what he acts like- but not in the way you might think. The voice he uses is the nameless bard’s voice, so whenever someone compliments him on having a beautiful voice, he silently feels guilty because he feels like he’s stealing the nameless bard’s praise.

-When archons cry, their tears glow the same color as their element because of the pure elemental energy in their bodies.

-Venti can speak to animals (proven by the NPCs outside Mondstadt), Sage claims to have seen a young green boy with white tights speaking to animals in the forest

-Venti hates mirrors because he’s reminded of the nameless bard every time he looks at himself

-Whenever Venti is embarrassed, his braids light up

-Since Venti canonically knows all songs past, present, and future, I like to think he really likes present-day k-pop songs and randomly starts singing them and everyone just stares at him

-The archons have a tradition where, to celebrate a new archon’s rise to power, they create a gift for them unlike anything in the mortal world as of that age. The first ever kite was a gift to Lord Barbatos

-Venti fidgets with his braids a lot when he’s nervous

-The feathers on Venti’s fake vision are the feather pair he tried and failed to give to his friend- in one of his stories, it’s told that his friend wished to see birds, so he tried to get a feather for him and for himself. However, when he returned, the battle with Decarabian had already begun and by the time he found the bard, he had already fallen

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

art by em year in review 2024!

i find myself surprised i drew much at all this year considering the circumstances (completing a bachelor's degree. concerts. international trip. starting a phd. general state of world.) however, for the fifth time i am happy to present my yearly retrospective.

as always, reflections under the cut.

jan: i feel like my weakest pieces always happen in january 😭 this was definitely one of those where concept > execution; some of this feels woefully flat and i wasn't too enthused about how herc looked. oh well. that was literally one of the only things i drew in january

feb: one of the developments that came about this year in my drawing was that of my cartoon/comic style, because i wanted to have a record of all the funny shit that happens in my music life. i've continually been surprised at the reception of it online haha. tita conductor is OUR internet microcelebrity now i guess

mar: ah, the douglas seventh wheels the hercolyn wedding fic i've been saying i'd write for almost two years. well, that actually got written and will go up later this week. but anyway, Hurt That Old Man!

apr: in which some professor of media studies with a slide whistle chose to examine a 160-year-old novel through the lens of an intergenerational relationship, and i took it personally. i was not drawing a lot during this time, so i was naturally falling back on my favorite subjects, namely. herc and linda. so much for branching out this year LMAO

may: a pen test for my graduation gift to tita conductor (finished version here, which she loved so much she couldn't stop talking about it when we next saw each other in september). someone once said to me 'it's weird that you can draw her from memory.' i replied 'looking at her is kind of part of the job description.'

jun: drawing theresa is probably one of the ways through which i measure my art progress, given that out of all the character designs i have (bar one, which i don't share on this blog for Reasons) hers is the one that has stuck around the most persistently. the grey is here to stay‼️

jul: i drew this one while having stomach problems in the philippines 😭 but something about the philippines (and like. being around people of my ethnic background on a daily basis) made me think a lot about my character designs for the soft-shoe-shuffle trio, so i wanted to do something with them a bit

aug: for all i talk about martin i sure never draw him, ever 😂 it's probably not obvious, but i was trying painting an base layer rather than an overlay (which i've been using pretty consistently since last year). in the future, i want to experiment more with coloring: i think i've not been eager to touch that part in my art and that needs to change. also pour one out for what i almost captioned it:

if i got onto a plane and i saw a twink in that mfing pilot seat i'm jumping off ��🤚🏻‼️

sept: the piece that got the most attention this year i think. i'm not sure how well it came across that douglas is supposed to be ever so slightly horny in this one. oh well. it was funny.

oct: i think it was this piece that made me start to realize that i have kind of developed a problem with making everyone's faces super long. which. i don't really know how that happened. anyway this is really cute still. read the theresa-becomes-a-pilot fic.

nov: omg guys remember when i was obsessed with the theresa-maxi dynamic. well it came back for a blazing second of glory in november. maybe it'll come back to me again for good. we'll see

dec: again, familiar subjects during a tumultuous time. not much of note here, except i have noticed myself getting very lazy with lighting recently. also i wrote a fic about this.

overall: going into the new year, i think the whole 'making everyone's faces look super long' thing needs to be addressed; otherwise, as stated earlier, i really should start experimenting with coloring and base layers and shading and lighting.

thank you everyone! and a happy new year to all!

[redrandomposts]

hi, I think the little mermaid au idea is so cool and I really like the concept! How does Mizi feel when she sees what left of Ivan and figures it out? I feel like since they are very close she would be very sad and mad at herself :(

Maybe Ivan can come back and everyone can be happy! :D

-🍎

hi 🍎!!!

mizi wouldn't notice, actually, because sua didn't tell her (or let ivan tell her) what would happen to ivan if he failed. sua's just like that. and... idk, man, she's pretty sheltered. too much to even make conclusions based on death, because she barely knows of it. she only feels something is wrong when she has to go back to the ocean without catching a glimpse of her best friend.

(she doesn't notice the letters, either. perhaps a passing servant had dropped them on accident, or it was specifically left for till)

but i can one up you!!! hahaha!

...it's kinda implied that till actually falls in(sane) love with ivan. why else would ivan would have his own entire wing near till's personal office, with jewelry and all kinds of clothes at his disposal?

ivan doesn't notice this because he was a prince and thought that ah yes, fancy lobster dishes and clothing made of the finest silks... this must be how everyone is treated. (guys ive grown fond of ivan and long black hair??? i knew what i was doing)

i have ideas for a HE, but for now...um, ok, here u are, something u did not ask for (till's pov (might be ooc))

===

it started at the beach. till ran away from his duties yet again (he was six! who entrusted him (of all people, nonetheless) with duties?!), this time heading to the beach. he's never been to the ocean so closely before, and couldn't help to just... get closer.

he never learned to swim before, as he was swamped by all other tasks that he despised. oversight on everyone's part. he was swept away by the waves, hopelessly fighting against the salty water. the salt burned his eyes, making him close them, but when arms (...smaller than him, what the hell!) wrapped around him he tried to open them.

pale skin, a pearl breaking through the water's surface. red and black scales that reflected the light so beautifully, as if sunset had just reached its end. jewels and silver chains that slowly fell back to place when displaced.

...skin? scales? what was going on?! is he like those... those addicts his mentor talked about?!

he closed his eyes. this was not happening. this was not happening.

when he opened his eyes, he caught sight of an angel from the sea. her face was beautiful, her pink hair, wet, fell like waterfalls. she had... blue scales, slightly tan skin, with gold decorating her. (what about the black and red sunset scales? the pale as pearl skin? the silver that reflected the sunlight like the moon did?) she was the most beautiful person he's ever seen in life.

a week later, he couldn't help but sketch the angel that had the wrong colors again and again by the beach. perhaps, if he got her attention again, they could become friends and eventually the king and queen of his kingdom! in his fervent imagination, he didn't notice the pearl until it slipped into the waters again, far from his grasp.

annoyingly, this repeated for weeks on end. over a year (or way more) of weeks, actually! the only reason till didn't think this was a weird doesn't-actually-exist image were the odd things he'd find when he was done sketching. fish, crabs, actual pearls, clams, a shattered but ornately-made hand mirror, a locket without anything inside, dadada...

and when he went into the library to find out (the first time he's stepped into there! everyone weeps in joy!), all he found were books about creatures in the sea that love music and make others love music.

music? he could do that! he brought a guitar out to the beach, and somehow got so lost in the music he forgot to check for the pearl! when he looked again, all he saw was black slipping underneath the waves again. what the fuck?!

each time he'd try this, it'd have the same result. he'd be so engrossed in his music and making songs that he'd barely, if at all, catch black hair and silver jewelry slipping into the ocean before he could clearly see it.

and he had a solution! if he came at night, then he'd surely catch the pearl before it could see him!

...listening to the singing, till once again missed his chance. pearl-pale skin reflected the moonlight, the ocean grew quiet to listen to the music, birds and fish crowded the rock the pearl sits on. black hair blended into the night, and the silver took and stored the moonlight, reflecting it to mimic the moon the best anything ever could.

and when it stopped, till was too dazed to react! he had to watch helplessly as it slipped into the ocean once again.

this continued for years. till was driven insane. a face he's never once seen, yet one he kept on chasing and chasing. he bought silver jewelry, imagining that one day, he could lay it out and trap the pearl once and for all. he bought various clothes, both men and women's, so one day he could cover the pearl and keep it for his eyes only.

it turns out he didnt need it, though! on his sixteenth birthday, the pearl was in the sand, a coat on his body, covering his thighs from the sun. long black hair splayed out, framing the face he's gone insane over trying to catch a glimpse of.

till decided to put him in the unused wing, the one right next to his. he carefully washed him, combing his hair and dressing him up to the neck. this could be a foretelling of his future, maybe. it's a much brighter future than he could have ever imagined.

ice-cold water, the kind that only appeared when the snow fell and the nights grew longer than day, poured on him when letters slipped through his door, sea foam decorating the parchment.

[flingmetothemoon]

Headcanons - Halloween with Dracula's Daughter

Inspired by @froggywritesstuff's Teddy Lobo Halloween headcanon post because I'm a Teddy/Marya shipper and decided the post is just incomplete without the other half of my OTP's complementary response. The reader in question will be gender neutral and up to interpretation, and my personal interpretation is a certain crackhead Lobo ofc. XD

I might add more headcanons later, just wanna get the basics done with during that time of the night

Fandom: Dracula's Daughter (1936)

Character: Marya Zaleska

Scenario: She spends Halloween night with you

Content warning: Not much other than mentions of blood bag drinking, physical fights and harming of humans in horror movies

Word count: Idk. Still an amature fanfic writer and learning as I go XD

Marya has mixed feelings about Halloween

On one side of the coin, she loves the concept of human mortals and monsters being in peace with each other and spending time as friends instead of engaging in wars with each other

Her favorite aspect of Halloween is trick-or-treating, where she gets say hello to the children and hand out candy

As a matter of fact, one of the traditions she and the fellow monsters like to participate in when she doesn't have tasks to do that relates to Castle Dracula is door-to-door treat giving. Depending on the season the fruits and vegetables grow in, monsters would go scavenging for those valuable edibles, find and collect honey, glaze carved bites in honey, harden them, collect them in a bowl carved melon or pumpkin and deliver them to a neighbor. Oftentimes before handing out the candied fruit, the neighbor would get a good scare before having a good laugh over the scare

Monsters essentially has been trick-or-treating before it became popular among mortals, usually as a way of maintaining virtuous traits such as kindness, generosity, hospitality and humor in spite of their monstrous appearance

But on the other side, Marya doesn't like how it seems that mortals are appreciating monsters, but all for the wrong reasons: By portraying them as demonized caricatures and using them as mere entertainment

She essentially views it as her kind’s equivalent of cultural appropriation

She also wonders why human mortals have to wait for one day of the year to spend good times with those different than them when they can try doing it any time and day

As a vampire, Marya wonders if her appearance and outfit is good enough to be considered an outfit to go out in. She only hopes that human mortals who pass by her assume she's merely in convincing makeup, not anything more than that

Being unable to see her own reflection on mirrors, Marya appreciates having you to do her hair and makeup

She can do her own claws though

Before going out to do anything, she makes sure she has a good big drink of a blood bag to avoid any potential thirst incidents later on

She would prefer the night to be a happy and peaceful one, but if you were to get into a fight and get a black eye or bloody nose in an interesting way to impress her or in response to anyone having any negative to say about her outfit, her vampirist instincts would kick in and she will get her sharp claws out and hiss the hell out of anyone who dares harm her loved one

Marya is good at decorating by crafting natural resources such as twigs, leaves, carved pumpkins, spider webs and skeleton bones

Another part of monster culture is foraging for edibles such as turnips, melons and pumpkins, decorating and/or carving faces, sucking it's flesh and seeds out, and trapping a fire wisp into it to light the inside like a lantern

How monsters prepare food in general is similar to how warrior cats do it (At least according to Bonefall)

Marya takes advantage of the night to show you how it's done

For her kind, most monsters carve and light jack-o-lanterns with a purpose of a warm light source that doesn't burn their flesh into crisp unlike the direct sun and to scare off potential threats, scaring them with the idea that jack-o-lanterns craved by monsters have concealed evil spirits that could unleash and haunt those who trespass their turfs with a purpose of killing them

She doesn't really mind where are you take her to, she'll even agree to go to a party to meet up with new people

After a while however, she remembers she has sensitive hearing and loud, crowded parties gets a little too much for her and she wants to go somewhere more remote and quieter

Scary movies mostly confuse Marya, particularly because she doesn't understand why human mortals derive pleasure out of making entertainment of their kind getting their limbs torn apart by bigger and stronger monsters

What Marya is ultimately interested in spending Halloween night is patrolling around the city, knowing that any monsters lurking nearby the human area could take advantage of a holiday centering around them and actually inflict harm on the weaker, innocent ones

The long night ends with Marya requiring cuddling, lovemaking and playing with long hair (she's been so utterly touch starved for decades so ofc she would)

[springbreezes-and-peonies]

For both Peony and Praespero: 🧣💄🐞

🧣 What comforts your OC? Is it an item? An action? A person? Whatever it is, how and why does it comfort them?

Peony: Peony finds comfort for the longest time alone as she lived alone for most of her life before meeting Taranza. She takes a lot of comfort in gardening and speaking to and singing to her plants. When she meets Taranza, he himself is a major source of comfort to her. He’s just such a gentle presence in her life. His voice so soft as is his manner. A comfort item she has, is her stuffed Como that Taranza gave her when she moved into the castle, his name is Jeri. His funny spider face reminds her a lot of Ranzie himself when he first gifts him to her and this calms her down in a strange new place. She squeezes him close to her when she’s anxious or sad even after so many years.

Praespero: Praespero’s biggest comfort is his best friend and loyal companion Bagel. Bagel can detect a “flicker” attack shortly before it occurs and wrap around him to keep him from being hurt during one when he’s alone, or go for help when they’re out in public somewhere and he needs help coming down from an episode or during one. (Flicker episodes are Praespero’s physical and magical form shifting rapidly across dimensions. It is very disorienting and afterwards painful for him often as it causes massive migraines and during one he can accidentally harm himself due to loss of perspective on reality/his surroundings. Flicker episodes are based upon seizures as a seizure survivor myself, I wanted to create a character who experienced something analogous to undo some of the stigma and how they’re often played for jokes). Bagel will also just comfort him when he’s stressed or depressed by cuddling up with him and sitting beside him for pets. They are soul-bonded and Bagel is essentially his service dog and familiar. Magolor is also a good comfort for Praespero once their relationship becomes more committed and serious, once they know each other better. Magolor is good at cheering Praespero up with humor and his lighthearted air. Something about his personality is oftentimes a great levity to Praespero who can sometimes, despite appearing outwardly so happy and put together, be very internally grim and fatalistic. He’s just very good at masking it behind a smile, but Maggie is luckily very good at telling when he’s masking those feelings, and rather than pry in the typical way, he’ll play and banter lightheartedly, removing some of the burdens of those difficult feelings from his shoulders. He really appreciates him. He loves to have cuddle time and grooming time with him (picture bunnies bonding with each other). It soothes him dearly to be close to someone like they are with no strings attached and no ulterior motives. He is very used to the ulterior motives. It’s refreshing to be actually loved.

💄 What does your oc think of their face? Do they have a positive or negative opinion? Do they wear makeup? Do they have a skincare routine? What traits do they like most about their face?

Peony: Her face is a very interesting subject because until she moved to castle Floralia she never really saw a clear image of herself at all. Only in reflections of ponds and windows and the like as she didn’t have a mirror on her isolated, Sky-island home. When she finally sees herself clearly, she thinks she’s so beautiful. Not in a vain way, but in a sort of “that’s me? Oh golly. Look at me! I have all these little gold spots! And my eyes are so bright but so soft! And my smile!” She’s not socialized like most people so she’s no typical concept of beauty or ugliness or anything like that. She finds everyone to be beautiful in their own, unique ways. She doesn’t wear make up, save for very special occasions for fun and to be fancy. Her skin is naturally cleansing and restorative and only really needs a light washing daily to keep the moth fuzz clean. She really likes her freckles. When she first sees them she’s stunned. She thinks they’re like little kisses of sunlight. Taranza tells her as much too. And she likes her smile, she says it reflects very well how she feels inside when she is smiling.

Praespero: Praespero doesn’t just think he’s handsome and gorgeous and beautiful—he knows it. He’s often been praised for his looks, he knows he’s desirable and attractive. It emboldens him to be pretty flirty but he’s not one to brag about his face or anything. He just knows what he’s got if that makes sense. However! He is EXTREMELY insecure about the Star-shaped scar on his forehead the experiment left behind, the source of his dimensional shifting abilities. He doesn’t think it’s unsightly and he doesn’t think it makes him any less gorgeous, but he hates to see it. He hates the reminder, and he hates others to see it. He hates to be asked how he got it. He hates to have any attention brought to it at all. Lucky for him, it is very common culturally for his people to wear hooded cloaks. He will almost NEVER remove his hood around another, unless he trusts you and loves you dearly. He just doesn’t want to deal with the attention and questions that come with his scar being seen. He doesn’t wear make up, it’ll get in his bunny fur or caught up in his evanescent form. He does have a regular “skin care” routine in that he has to wash his fur and the skin on his face diligently but he rarely faces any sorts of skin issues. Features he loves the most are: his eyes, he knows they’re beautiful, set exactly like stars on his sweet face, and his nose. He has a very kyoot bunny nose. He knows he has an absolutely killer wink too. 😉

🐞 What does a perfect day look like for your oc? What do they do? Who do they see?

Peony: A perfect day for Peony is gardening all day in the castle’s gardens with Taranza. They bring a picnic lunch, get their sun hats and garden gear on, and just take care of the plants all day together. Maybe pausing to dance under the stars once dusk hits, then going inside and curling up together by the fire, resting at last while he reads her something romantic and plays with her hair. She just loves being surrounded by their plants and being close to her Ranzie-Pansy-Dinky-Doo 🥺

Praespero: Praespero’s perfect day would honestly be a quiet, peaceful day at home with his dog and his man. Just sharing his research with Magolor and having him listen closely with him to everything he decides to present to him. Then they all gather some sleeping bags, find a very clear, soft field, and lay down in the grass and watch the stars. Bonus if there’s a meteor shower. Absolutely involves a lot of hand-holding and kissing and bunny-grooming-bonding. He loves closeness and cuddles. He’s spent most of his life being touch-starved and neglected. Being close and free with another means so much to him. And he just loves the stars and loves a genuine interest in his research. His anthropological endeavors are his pride and joy. All in all he’s a very soft, gentle boy who wants a soft, gentle day. And to see a meteor shower. He loves that.

~~~🌸🌷💐~~~🪽✨👁️~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SORRY I TOOK SO LONG! I lost this in my ask box! AH! Tysm for the asks! I appreciate the interest in my babies! I love to talk about them sm!

🥺🥺🥺🥺

[ceekbee]

Taking Responsibility For Our Energy

For some, what I am about to share might seem radical, ridiculous, or even crazy, and for others will appear self-evident. I feel compelled to actively put it out there because I feel in many respects it is a crucial key to shifting our reality; the more people who take it to heart, the better our collective outlook will be.

At an early stage in my journey I became aware of the fact that each human is in fact a fractal of the whole. Deep within the vastness of our being we each contain every essence, every type of energy from the most sublimely divine to the most wickedly depraved. Initially when this realisation came to me it was quite abstract and there was a distance between me and the idea.

However, as I explored the deeper regions of my being I found myself coming face to face with aspects that showed me that this was not just some faraway concept, it was a hardcore reality.

The more I explored my inner world the clearer it became that we implicitly contain every energetic expression. I realised that there was nothing that I could see in my outer world that was not in essence a part of me. Initially I was frightened by the understanding that I contained such dark and horrible pieces. Did this mean that I was evil? I didn’t want to be evil. Those guys out there are sociopaths, I am not a sociopath; I would never do those things, perpetrate those acts. On some level I feared that if I allowed myself to accept the dark aspects, I would become them. The only sane, good option it seemed was to leave them unclaimed; to reject them. However, as I explored these uncomfortable parts of myself it eventually occurred to me that it was actually possible to ‘own’ these parts without choosing to enact them. After all I am a sovereign being with the ability to decide what actions I deem worthy of expression. I could claim all my dark, ugly bits, bring them into conscious awareness, and still choose to operate from a space of love.

Casting Out The Dark

As young developing humans most of us learn to reject ‘undesirable’ aspects, to repress them in order to feel comfortable with our selves, and to ensure acceptance in our social group. We select what we are, and what we are not. In order to elucidate I will use the most basic example: I am light, I am not dark. However, if we are truly a reflection of the whole, then we should contain everything, even darkness. In rejecting and ‘disowning’ our dark parts we cast them out. But where do they go? I suspect this energy, cast out of our inner world, manifests in our external reality.

Rejected as part of the whole, thrown away from love, these elements seek to be re-integrated. They show up everywhere in our environment waiting for recognition. We perceive them as threats, and try to fight or ignore them. This doesn’t work; it only exacerbates the problem and reinforces the dualistic state caused by the self-imposed separation. If we recognize that external reality is a reflection of our inner state, it becomes clear that it is important that we take responsibility for our energy. In order stop adding to the problem, we need to cease focusing so much on the outside and do some inner housekeeping. By healing our inner world, through acknowledgement of all that we truly are, we take responsibility for our energy and cease contributing to the darkness of our outer collective reality.

In order to illustrate my point, I will use an analogy of a gardener. Imagine each of us is a gardener who has been gifted with the responsibility of managing every seed in existence. As this gardener we become aware that there are some seeds that develop into beautiful food and flowers. We value these seeds and carefully plant and nurture them. However, we also believe that some seeds grow into nasty weeds. Fearing the potential of these seeds we don’t want to be associated with them so, like most other gardeners in our world, we toss them away into the wind. ‘This is not me I want nothing to do with these seeds.’ These unclaimed, unmanaged seeds end up everywhere and thrive and threaten to dominate our environment. No one is willing to take responsibility for these plants. ‘No, I would never plant such a seed; this plant has nothing to do with me. It must just be the nature of reality.’

If instead we accepted responsibility for ‘owning’ the whole gamut of seeds, we could cease contributing to the communal problem.

As a wise gardener we would not toss the potentially dangerous seeds away, we would do the opposite, aware of their power, we would keep them close by, where they could be kept in check and managed responsibly.

Continuing on with the gardening analogy, when we stop fearing the seeds that we allowed to get out of control through neglect and mismanagement, we might discover that judging them as weeds may have been rash decision triggered by fear and misunderstanding. If instead of pushing away the dark seeds, we chose to look at them more closely, we might discover that they have valuable qualities and attributes that we were previously unaware of. When tended and cultivated consciously, with understanding and awareness, we might find that their growth can actually have benefits for the whole.

“Like colours to an artist, there is no good or bad, the whole spectrum is available for expression. The darker colours are necessary to add depth, and when used appropriately, with awareness of the whole, are vital components of the emerging beauty.” ~ Jump Into the Blue.

Acknowledging The Wholeness

The more of us who assume responsibility of our own darkness, the less truant energy will be available to continue to animate the dark story that has been unfolding on this planet. Are we ready to stop being irresponsible gardeners dominated by unconsciously driven manifestations? Are we ready to stop placing the blame ‘out there’? Are we ready to own all that we truly are and stop denying our accountability? Are we ready to become custodians of our reality, acknowledging the wholeness of our being, so that we can consciously determine which elements we want to cultivate in our external reality? Rather than working to repress, fight, and deny some of what we are, let’s become mindful co-creators, nurturing and guiding a peaceful world based on love and beauty in full awareness of all that we are.

There are many approaches to begin exploring our inner world and integrating our shadow aspects. Carl Jung, a pioneer of shadow work, wrote much on the subject, and there are many great books and healers that teach strategies to facilitate the process. However, the most important attributes of initiating inner healing include being open, and willing to look at oneself as honestly as possible. A lot of my personal work takes place in meditation or in the bath. However, with certain challenging aspects I worked with a soul retrieval practitioner. She held space, and assisted me to connect with, and create an opening in my heart for some of my more stubborn, hidden, or sneaky parts.

The beauty of this work is that, not only does it contribute to healing our collective reality, it also creates powerful shifts on a personal level. When we face and integrate our fears and all our bits that we previously avoided, we find a new level of inner peace, solidity and wholeness.

By Christina Lavers

Guest Writer for Wake Up World

Christina Lavers is a writer, an artist, a creative enthusiast, and an inner world explorer. Born in Montreal Quebec Canada, she now lives with her life partner and son in a rainforest pocket in the hills behind Coffs Harbour, NSW Australia. She spends her time playing, creating, growing and sharing.

[craven-cryptid]

Rook and Elgar’nan compare and contrast, a character study of Leadership/Authority (spoilers for DATV below)

After too many a few play-throughs of Veilguard I’ve started thinking a bit more about big bad Elgar’nan, and have come across some points of interest.

So Elgar’nan, once known as Lusacan, firstborn of the elves and leader of the Evanuris, was originally a spirit, and both Emmrich and Solas refer to him as Tyranny so it’s safe to assume his original state was Leadership or Authority or something of that vein.

During the rescue of the Dalish elves from Arlathan Crater, Solas mocks Elgar’nan by revealing that his only contribution to the Evanuris was taking credit for what the other gods had created or built. June made the Eluvians, Sylaise built the cities, Andruil taught the people to hunt, even Ghilan’nain created the elves beloved Halla before she was changed by the Blight.

This isn’t confirmed in game or elsewhere, but I get the sense that he twisted his fellow Evanuris, changing and corrupting them into what he wanted, to serve him and his perverted sense of godhood, and since the other gods were also spirits made flesh they were, likely, very easily corrupted. A spirit becomes a demon when denied it’s original purpose, and while I’m not saying the other gods didn’t contribute to their own corruption, it’s likely that Elgar’nan was all too happy to help them along. Leading them into darker versions of themselves, encouraging depravity, but always with his hands on the leash.

Now, let’s look at Rook. Rook has no magical mcguffin in Veilguard which makes them most suitable to lead the group, they have no special abilities like their companions. All Rook has at the start is Varric's blessing and a strong sense of leadership, no matter how much they may question it. Every crossroad the companions come to, every difficult decision, they look to Rook. Even when those decisions lead to terrible consequences, Rook steps up and accepts them, doesn’t try to minimize or hide from the outcomes, and keeps moving forward. When each of the companions need guidance or levity or just someone to listen, Rook is there. They bring out the best in everyone around them because they embody leadership. Rook doesn’t want to be in charge! They wear their authority like an iron weight, but never once do they try to pass it on to another, because Rook started this, which means this is Rooks weight to bear.

Compare the two side-by-side and it’s pretty clear that Rook embodies everything that Elgar’nan wouldn’t, or couldn’t, be. He has to watch this little idiot bumble fuck their way through every darkest moment that would have brought a thousand others to the brink and yet they just. Get up. Start again. Encouraging those around them, bringing hope, lighting the spark that drives people to face fear and come out the other side. Even some of the Venatori idolize Rook, all around them people are drawn to their spirit.

I think this could have been an amazing dynamic between the two in-game. An ancient, powerful, angry god watching a mortal be every inch the leader he knows, deep down, he could never have been. Developing a hate/fascination relationship with Rook, caught between wanting to kill them and wanting to keep them. (if The Formless One can send hate mail to the Lighthouse so can Elgar’nan, damnit) I would loved to have seen more of his seductive side, that twisted authority which whispers promises and power, I think it would have made him a more interesting enemy.

Also, as an aside, I get the impression that Elgar’nan was kind of a shit spirit. Like, yeah spirits embody and reflect whatever emotion/concept they were created from but that doesn’t meant they’re good at it. I wonder if the knowledge of his poor leadership which lead to wars and suffering is what turned him into Tyranny, or if he was already that way when he took mortal form. Does the weight of your failures keep you locked in this existence, or were you always this from the start.

[ivpapaemeritusiv]

Chapter 25: The World Rests Heavy on Your Shoulders

Summary: In this chapter, Addeline finds herself pregnant with her fifth child. In light of her recent activities, however, she remains unsure of who the father is.

Word Count: 8k

Addy sure has gotten herself into quite the situation. She's so caught up in the affair with Swiss that she forgets all of the other problems that could arise as a result of her giving birth to a baby that's not part of the Emeritus bloodline. She's put herself, her unborn child and Swiss in danger. But before she can even face those challenges, she has to face Copia. There is smut at the end and Swiss explores his dominant side ;)

Addy’s period was a week late, and she couldn’t shake the feeling in her heart that she might be pregnant again. The thought devastated her, especially considering the joy she had found in simply being herself. To make matters more complicated, she realized that the timing of conception coincided with the affair she had with Swiss. If she was indeed pregnant, it wouldn’t be Papa Emeritus’s baby. The mere thought made her feel sick to her stomach.

She needed to find out, but Papa was active in the hotel room. She determined that she would go to the nearest urgent care for a blood test and would use shopping as a guise.

“Papa, I’m going to buy clothes,” she lied.

The Cardinal, still dressed casually, approached her. He reminded her to be back for dress rehearsal and handed her a credit card, urging her to shop to her heart’s content. Addeline promised to be back in time for sound check and happily took the card from his hand.

“Amore, please don’t let the time get away from you. We’ve had some issues at the other venues and fans have complained.”

“I promise, Papa,” she assured him, giving him a passionate kiss. It was hard for the Cardinal to give Addeline simple kisses. He couldn’t help but melt into her each time he had her in his arms. This only added to her inner turmoil.

Addy hopped into an Uber, heading straight to the nearest Urgent Care. She knew Papa wouldn’t bother checking the credit card statements, so she wasn’t worried about him finding out. However, she did feel the need to pick up a few clothing items to avoid coming home empty-handed. The wait in the lobby felt like an eternity, giving her plenty of time to reflect on her actions.

Thoughts of Swiss consumed her mind, and she couldn’t help but wonder how he would react if she was indeed carrying his child.

Suddenly, she heard her name being called, “Copia?” It was her turn. The nurse greeted her warmly, asking what brought her in today. Addeline hesitated for a moment before confessing, “I... I think I might be pregnant. I need a blood test.” The nurse nodded understandingly, suggesting they start with a urine test and then send her bloodwork to the lab. Addeline agreed, thinking it would be just as informative.

The nurse handed her a cup, asking her to provide a sample. Afterward, she guided Addeline to a room where they would await the results. The wait in that room felt even more agonizing than in the lobby. Addeline could only hope for a negative result, hoping to proceed with more caution in the future, something she hadn’t been good at in the past. Addeline was a sweet girl, but one of her flaws was getting caught up in the passion of the moment when she truly cared for someone.

Thoughts about her family raced through her mind. What would this mean for them? How angry would Papa be if he found out? And then there were thoughts about Swiss. Did she love him? Did he love her? So many questions flooded her mind.

After what felt like an eternity, the nurse returned with a smile. Addy couldn’t contain her anticipation and blurted out, “Well?”

The nurse nodded and said, “Congratulations, dear, you’re pregnant.” A suffocating gasp escaped her. She forced a smile as the nurse sat down to gather more information, but she felt as if she was on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

“Is this your first pregnancy?”

“It’s my fourth,” Addy laughed hysterically, “fifth child. My last pregnancy was twins.”

The nurse was surprised, commenting on her young age. Addy rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“We’re Catholic,” Addy sarcastically remarked, laughing at the ironic thought in her mind. She knew Papa Emeritus was actually a satanic anti-pope and not the typical Catholic priest adhering to the rules of Christianity.

The nurse sent Addy on her way with some prenatal vitamins. She forwent the pamphlets on motherhood, considering Addeline was a veteran mom. Addy would have to hide the evidence from the Cardinal for a while. She didn’t want him to know before Swiss. She considered she would tell the man that night before their show. She’d wait for the right time to tell the Cardinal, preferably after she figured things out; whether or not she was going to be honest and let him know about the affair or if she would attempt to pass off her baby as his.”

*

That night just before the show, Swiss had reached his breaking point. The charade of denying his love for Addeline had drained him. Avoiding the truth was no longer an option. Every time he looked at her, the pain of her absence in his life intensified. It was time to be honest with her, no more delays.

Swiss searched anxiously for her, his heart pounding with urgency. Finally, he spotted her walking towards the stage in the hallway. Hearing his heavy footsteps, Addy turned around and instinctively reached out for his arms which were already extending to grab hers.

“Hey,” she said with a gentle smile, “I’m heading to the stage. Do you want to walk with me?” Her words echoed his own thoughts. This was the perfect moment to share what he had been longing to tell her.

“Listen Adds, I need to tell you something.”

Addy glanced at him, her eyes filled with concern and worry, “I need to tell you something too.”

“Let me go first,” Swiss was eager, “Being with you makes me feel incredible. I can’t deny these strong feelings that I have for you and it’s more than just physical. You’ve touched me in ways I never thought possible.”

She shook her head, “Swiss.”

“I want you to know that I’ve fallen in love with you. Tell me I’m not imagining this connection between us?”

Addeline closed her eyes tightly. She didn’t know how he was going to take her news, “Swiss, I’m pregnant.”

He looked up to the sky and drew in a big breath of stale air before letting it out again. He rolled his eyes towards the Heavens, feeling a sting at the revelation, “Again, Addy?” he paused for a brief second, not knowing if he should quit while he was ahead or lay his frustrations out in front of her, “Five kids with this guy? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Cirrus was right around the corner, walking down the hall perpendicular to where the two were quarreling. She was making her way to the stage when she heard the yelling and decided to be discreet about her presence, concealing herself behind the wall. “Swiss, you don’t understand. The baby is—”

“I do understand,” The ghoul was trying not to break but he felt the tiny flame of a chance he had with the woman being snuffed out, “You’re too goddamned hypnotized by this guy to tell him you’re tired of popping out babies for him. Are you just going to let him keep knocking you up for the rest of your life?”

“Swiss! Listen to me!”

“You know what? I’m done listening to you. When you finally get tired of it, come find me. Hopefully, I’ll still be around.” the man walked off feeling a combination of fury and hopelessness.

Addeline, trying to hold back tears, made her way backstage while Swiss went in the opposite direction to cool down. He caught sight of Cirrus who was stunned by what she just heard. She grabbed him and quickly pulled him from Addy’s sight. She pushed him against the wall and stared at him blankly as she held his shoulders tightly against the wall.

Making eye contact, she shook her head violently, “No. Swiss. No.”

He forcefully pulled away from her grip and began to make his way outside. Cirrus followed him shouting quietly for him to slow down.

“Where are you going? We have a show to do!”

She jumped in front of him, making herself an obstacle by pushing him in the opposite direction, earning her a look of contempt from the man, “SWISS, NO!” she repeated.

He stopped walking and let his body rest against the wall. He rubbed his face with his hands trying to erase the red from his cheeks.

“What are you doing?” Cirrus asked, in complete disbelief. “How long has that been going on?”

Swiss made a strange gesture, nodding and shaking his head simultaneously, “I guess it started while she was pregnant with Opus and Cirice.”

“I knew it,” Cirrus said, with open eyes as though a lightbulb had gone off in her head, “I didn’t want to think you could be so fucking stupid, but I saw it.”

“Shut up, Cirrus,” the man was growing irritated. He wanted comfort, not a lecture.

“I saw how you guys were with each other when she was pregnant with the twins—the touching, the giggling and then over Christmas.”

“Keep your mouth shut, Cirrus,” Swiss was growing increasingly angrier.

The ghoulette pointed at herself, “What? You think I’m going to say something? Hell no! I don’t want to be caught up in whatever the fuck you two have going on, but I’ll give you some advice. End it, now.”

Swiss stormed away toward the stage. Cirrus could hear every stomp he made along the way.

Addy was already eagerly waiting when Swiss took his position on stage. She couldn’t see his eyes behind the mask, but she could feel the avoidance in the air. Their usual onstage antics, loved by fans, seemed to vanish. Swiss deliberately kept his distance, avoiding any contact with his singing partner. The atmosphere was definitely different from their previous shows.

Halfway through the concert, someone had accidentally turned Swiss’s mic up and it crushed Addy to hear him sing so clearly above the Cardinal’s voice, “You go down just like Holy Mary… Your beauty never ever scared me… If you choose to run away with me, I will tickle you internally and I see nothing wrong with that.” It affected her so deeply she almost forgot to sing herself.

He walked over to the woman's platform discreetly while Papa Emeritus introduced the next song. He sided up next to her and without being too loud, warned her, "Get it together, Adds. You're missing notes. Get your personal life out of the performance."

She gulped, having Swiss stand so close, reprimanding her on stage in front of everyone. She knew he was right, however. She was thankful for the mask, hiding the thoughts that were most likely scribbled all over her face.

That night after the concert, Cirrus went looking for Swiss, who disappeared from the stage immediately following the end of the show. She asked some of the other ghouls if they had seen him and Aether told her he was outside smoking. After some wandering around she saw him alone, perched up against a brick wall outside the venue. She slowly crept up to him. He barely looked her way as he flicked the cigarette onto the ground.

“That’s bad for you, you know?”

“Yea, well,” he responded, “I do a lot of things that are bad for me.”

“Like what, Swiss. What did you do?”

The ghoul turned to face outward towards the busy street, “I can’t sleep on that bus with them anymore. I can’t hear those two… together.”

Cirrus quickly assured him that he wouldn’t have to, “I get it. I’ll have Cumulus switch places with you. It’ll be very discreet, I promise.”

“Thanks,” he appreciated the modesty.

“So,” she continued, “Can you tell me what you were thinking?”

He smiled, picturing Addeline, and thinking about the feelings he harbored for her, “He’s not good for her.”

Cirrus was appalled by his forwardness, “You don’t get to decide that, Swiss.”

“I’ve watched them for three years. What she needs is completely oblivious to him. Thank God they have a fucking nanny because he doesn’t know the most basic things about taking care of an infant.”

Cirrus shook her head, “That’s not fair, Swiss. He may be a little clueless at times but don’t pretend he doesn’t love Addeline and his kids. He’s not the bad guy here.”

Swiss was feeling a bit irritated with the ghoulette. It seemed like she was constantly lecturing him when all he really wanted was a friend to talk to, “She’s tired, Cirrus. She’s been tired since she had Kaisarion. She doesn’t want any more kids. She’s losing herself and he doesn’t see that,” Swiss scoffed, “I’m better for her.”

Cirrus put her hand on her friend’s shoulder, “Swiss, for the sake of arguing let’s just say you are better for her. Do you think she’d run away with you? Leave her kids behind?”

“I love her kids,” the man quickly proclaimed, “I’d take care of them.”

“She would lose her kids, Swiss!” Cirrus screamed before lowering her voice again, “Copia is in a high position of power, and those boys are his heirs—they belong to the clergy. You think Sister and Nihil are going to just let Addy take Kaisarion and Opus and flee away into the night?”

Swiss had not considered this before, “No... no, yea, you’re right. I’m fucking stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking,” the ghoul lowered his head in shame, “She was vulnerable, and I was lonely, I guess, and it just happened.”

“What happened?” Cirrus kept pressuring the ghoul to tell him what he was holding back.

“Nothing. We kissed, ok?” He spit the words out like venom.

Cirrus backed off, “Ok. Well, just leave her alone. You have to just stop, Swiss. Do you like your job? Do you like your life the way it is?”

He shook his head, “What’s crazy is it’s enough for me, you know? To have bits and pieces of her. I could deal with sharing her but now she’s pregnant again. She gives too much of herself to that man.”

“That’s her husband,” Cirrus gently reminded him.

“Yea, so I’ve been told,” he began walking back toward the buses, “I’m getting our shit packed so we can hurry back to the hotel. The sooner you tell Cumulus to switch buses with me the faster I’ll thank you for

it.”

He walked off. Wanting to give him space, Cirrus waited until he was out of sight before she too started walking.

*

The next day when it was time to leave for a new city, Cumulus walked on to the tour bus that had once been Swiss’s home. Papa noticed the change immediately, as did Addy.

“Ah, Cumulus, will you be joining us?” Papa asked.

Cirrus chimed in, “Actually she’s switching places with Swiss. She said she’s tired of bunking with the boys. They can’t stop masturbating on the bus, I suppose.”

“What a shame,” the Cardinal said disheartened, “He is a great babysitter is he not my darling?”

Addy glanced at Cirrus who was shooting daggers at her with her eyes.

“Yea,” Addy agreed, keeping her eyes on Cirrus, “He is really good with the kids.”

After getting Swiss’s side of the story, Cirrus felt that she wanted to hear things from Addeline now. She wanted to get her away from the Cardinal, so she pretended to still have luggage up in her room, “Addy, I left some bags upstairs. Can you lend me a hand with them?”

“Sure,” she agreed.

The two women walked out of the bus and walked toward the hotel lobby, out of earshot from the rest of the crew, “I hear a congratulations are in order.”

She was caught off guard, not thinking anyone else knew she was pregnant. She had yet to reveal the news to Copia, “oh did Swiss tell you that?”

“I heard for myself,” she revealed, “In the hallway last night before the show.”

Addeline flinched as though she had been caught copying off a friend’s homework.

“Do you love him, Addy?”

The young woman glanced around before requesting, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?” She was scared that somebody else might hear the conversation but part of her also needed time to think about the answer.

Cirrus nodded, looking around for a more private area. She figured nobody would be in the bathroom. She led Addeline to the restroom, looking under all the stalls to make sure they were alone and then she jumped onto the counter to sit.

“So? Do you love him?”

“I…” she didn’t know what to say, “I made mistake, Cirrus.”

“How big of a mistake did you make, Addy?” The ghoulette wanted to know what Swiss refused to tell her. She knew there was more to the story, and she knew Addy would reveal it.

Addeline tried to answer but when she opened her mouth, no words came out. Cirrus was growing impatient and began demanding an answer, “ADDY! How big of a mistake did you make?”

“A big one,” she forced the words out through clenched teeth.

Cirrus shook her head, “Oh God, Addeline, you didn’t—you guys didn’t!”

Addy wore the shame of her actions on her face, and she wanted to hide them. She covered her eyes with her hands and went into a stall to sit. Now crying, she admitted, “We kissed once while I was pregnant with the twins, and he brought it up one day when I went to ask him if he’d seen Kaisarion—then it just happened.”

Cirrus was overwhelmed by the revelation, her heart pounding in her chest as she processed the news. Yet she wasn’t completely shocked. She had been attuned to the subtle intimacies between Swiss and Addy for a while now. It was as if she had been watching a delicate dance unfold before her eyes, their gazes lingering a little too long, their laughter a touch too genuine.

“Addy, you have to leave Swiss alone. Don’t let him hold onto a fantasy of a relationship that is impossible. He may seem tough but he’s sensitive.”

Addeline knew that the ghoulette was speaking the truth. She knew that she and Swiss could never be, especially since she agreed that her boys belonged to the Clergy and that she belonged to Papa. But her impending secret made things complicated.

“Cirrus, there’s more.”

The ghoulette didn’t know how much more there could be. She didn’t know how the situation could get much worse.

“What is it?” she asked reluctantly.

The ghoulette noticed all the color drain from Addy’s face. The woman sank down where she sat, like a blob of skin with no bones to sturdy her.

“What’s wrong?” Cirrus grilled her.

Addy took a deep breath, her resolve firm as she tried to sit up straight and keep a brave face. Now was just as good a time as any to reveal her secret to the ghoulette, “Cirrus, I got pregnant three weeks ago.”

Cirrus looked confused, her brows furrowing in bewilderment, “Yea, I know you’re pregnant,” she replied, not fully grasping the weight of Addy’s words.

Addy knew she needed to be more direct, to make Cirrus understand the gravity of the situation, “No, Cirrus,” Addy spoke with unwavering honesty, “I got pregnant three weeks ago when I was with Swiss.”

The room fell into a heavy silence as Cirrus processed the revelation. Her thoughts swirled like a tempest trying to comprehend the implications of what Addy had just shared.

After a moment of silence had passed between the ladies, Cirrus finally found her voice, “Fuck, Addeline! Did you sleep with the Cardinal around that time too?”

“I... I don’t think so... he’s always so tired when we’re touring... possibly? I don’t know.”

“Goddamn it!” Cirrus was taken aback by the complete lack of responsibility shown by the two, “Did you guys not wear a fucking condom?”

Addeline shook her head, “There wasn’t any time.”

“Addy, there is always time to not ruin everyone’s lives.”

The ghoul had long since jumped off the counter and was following a trail of her own watery footsteps around the bathroom floor.”

“Do I say anything to Papa?” Addy asked.

This received a big NO from Cirrus, “God no! He can never know. He will kill Swiss! And what would be the point?” she continued, “It’s impossible, Addy. The relationship is impossible. You’re bound to the Cardinal.”

Her words echoed with undeniable truth, yet it felt dishonest to keep the fact hidden from Swiss.

“Swiss has the right to know that there is a possibility that this could be his kid.”

After a moment of thinking Cirrus decided that Addy was right, “Whatever he decides to do is on him but if I were you, I would urge him not to tell Emeritus. It’s none of my business but it’s not going to change anyone’s status.”

“I tried to tell him tonight,” Addy revealed, “But he thought…”

The dots connected in Cirrus’s head, and she exclaimed, “He thought it was Copia’s baby! That’s why he was so upset.”

“He didn’t give me a chance to speak.”

The ghoulette walked over to Addeline and put her hand on her shoulder, “Try again,” she said, “He’ll be happy.”

Addeline figured she would tell him once they landed in a new city. Soon, they would be off to South America, and she could tell him once they settled at the hotel there.

Cumulus walked in the bathroom in that moment to let the women know that everyone was looking for them. Cirrus grabbed Addy out of her daze and quickly pulled her towards the door, “We have a plane to catch,” she said.

The band was leaving Australia and heading to Brazil for their next line of shows. As they boarded the plane to South America, anticipation filled the air. Addeline knew she had to find the perfect moment to reveal the truth, like a hidden treasure waiting to be discovered. The flight was filled with nervous glances and stolen moments, each passing second bringing them closer to the hotel in Chile, where Addy would reveal the truth to Swiss. The tension was palpable.

Papa, sitting next to his wife on the plane, noticed her odd behavior. He placed a hand on her knee and asked, “Is everything alright my love?”

She could only stare at Swiss. She barely heard the Cardinal speaking to her but she managed to utter, “Yes, everything is fine, Papa,” her voice filled with a mix of nervousness and affection. She took her eyes off the ghoul long enough to accept a kiss from Copia.

The sight of Addeline kissing another man filled Swiss with disgust. He was never a fan of their public displays of affection, but now that he longed to be the only one touching her, the thought of someone else being with her made him feel sick to his core.

Addy could feel Swiss’s intense gaze. She was eager to land so she could hurry to tell him she was carrying his child. It was an indescribable mix of emotions, sitting next to the father of her previous children, knowing that just a few feet away was the father of her current one—and neither one knew. The secret was agonizing. Cirrus too shot several small gazes back and forth between Addy and Swiss. It would have been obvious to everyone if they all weren’t so tired.

The flight felt like an eternal journey through the abyss of time, as if the hands of the clock were moving in slow motion, teasing everyone with each agonizing tick. The band was exhausted and quite jet lagged after a 20 hour flight, especially the Cardinal. Their plane landed in Chili at 3:00 am.

“Cara Mia, I hope you do not mind that I get to sleep once we get to the hotel. I need to rest up before the show.”

“Absolutely, Papa,” she said.

The Cardinal placed a kiss on top of her head. Swiss couldn’t help but watch as the Cardinal fawned over his wife. The sight was like a bitter pill to swallow, fueling his growing resentment.

Addy and the Cardinal strolled through the hotel lobby, their fingers intertwined, as if they were the only two people in the world. It was a moment of quiet intimacy amidst the chaos of their rockstar lives. As they reached their hotel room, exhaustion weighed heavily on Copia’s shoulders. With the upcoming show at 7 pm the following day, he knew he needed a solid night’s rest. Without hesitation, he slipped under the covers, craving at least 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep to recharge his energy for the upcoming sound check. The anticipation of the performance hung in the air, and the Cardinal was determined to bring his A-game.

Once he knocked out, Addy quietly snuck out of the room to the one next door, where Swiss was. She lightly tapped on the door, hoping it would be Swiss that answered. Unfortunately, it was Aether.

“Addy?” he questioned, rubbing his eyes. She could see she had woken him.

“I’m so sorry to bother you, Aether but can I speak to…” she couldn’t tell him who she was really there to see, “… Cirrus?”

Aether turned around and walked back into the room, leaving the door open for Addy to enter. Aether pointed to Cirrus’s room and then walked back into his with closed eyes. Good, he’s not paying attention, Addy thought.

Addy knew that Aether and Sodo shared a room and with Aether’s help she now knew where Cirrus bunked. The other ghouls were in another hotel room so by process of elimination she knew exactly where to find Swiss. She cautiously turned the doorknob, allowing the door to creak open ever so slightly. With bated breath, she stepped into the room, her heart pounding with anticipation.

Her eyes darted to the figure lying in the bed, searching for confirmation that it was indeed the ghoul she longed for. Relief washed over her as she recognized his gentle features and tousled brown curls peeking out from beneath the sheets. Carefully, she slipped into the bed, pulling the covers over herself. The movement stirred the ghoul from his slumber, his eyes fluttering open to meet hers.

He rolled over to see who had gotten in his bed, possibly one of the other ghouls playing a prank on him? When he realized who it was, his eyes opened wide, and he became fully alert.

“Adds!” he exclaimed with pure joy, his arms wrapping tightly around her, drawing her closer. In his embrace, she felt a sense of security and comfort, relishing in the warmth of his body. “What the hell are you doing? Copia’s going to come in here and fucking rage on everyone if he finds you missing.”

“He’s out cold,” she said, “Don’t worry.”

Swiss realized he needed to make amends for his earlier words and approached Addy with a heavy heart, “Listen, Adds, I’m sorry for yelling at you and treating you the way I did. I had no right. You’re married and I know that, and I shouldn’t have put you in that position.”

Although his apology was sincere and heartfelt, it wasn’t what she had come to him for.

“Swiss… remember, I told you I was pregnant again?”

“I’m trying to forget,” he griped, still disheartened by the news.

Addeline kept her silence, allowing Swiss to piece together the puzzle and grasp the bigger picture on his own. She knew that sometimes, understanding dawns best when it is discovered independently.

“Swiss…”

The wheels in his mind started to turn, and finally he reached the obvious conclusion. He couldn’t believe he didn’t question it before, considering the timing of everything, “The baby isn’t Copia’s is it? That’s what you were trying to tell me back in Australia. It's mine.”

She began to softly cry, a look of consternation accompanied by pure sadness in her expression.

The ghoul inhaled and then heavily let out the same breath, “Shit.”

“I’m a terrible person,” Addy cried, clinging to his chest.

He yearned to provide her with comfort, but the news she just shared left him feeling overwhelmed. Despite knowing it was wrong, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of happiness even if it meant he may have inadvertently disrupted her life. Still, he managed to find some words to comfort her, “No,” he told her, “You’re a good person. It was me. I made things complicated for you. I should have left you alone. I definitely didn't mean to knock you up.”

Addy’s heart raced in her chest, her breath coming in short, rapid gasps. She felt as if the weight of the world was pressing down on her, suffocating her. The room seemed to close in around her leaving her hyperventilating, desperately gasping for air.

Swiss could sense that Addy's uneasiness and so he wrapped his arms tightly around her, creating a safe and comforting space. He held her close, shutting out all the external distractions. With a soothing voice, he gently shushed her, just as he would do for her son when he was upset. Gradually, Addy began to feel a sense of calm wash over her, finding solace in Swiss’s embrace.

“I didn’t plan on falling for you like this,” he admitted, “I actively tried not to.”

Addy felt a profound sense of security there in his arms. The thought of returning to the Cardinal’s bed that night now seemed foreign and distant to her.

She chuckled under her breath, drawing curiosity from the ghoul, “What could possibly be funny right now?” he asked.

“You’re always giving me a hard time about my impressive fertility,” Addy teased, “And now you’ve gone and contributed to it yourself. You broke my streak.”

Swiss found the irony amusing, though it did come with a hint of guilt. Addy had been enjoying the freedom from pregnancy during the tour and now had to carry the burden once again, thanks to him.

“Addy, I’m really sorry,” he apologized, his voice filled with remorse, “I knew you didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. I should have worn a condom.”

As he spoke, a camera reel of consequences raced through his mind. The thought of their baby potentially displaying his mixed ethnicity made him realize that questions might arise about the child’s paternity. The Cardinal’s discerning eye would surely notice the discrepancies. Swiss couldn’t help but worry about what this could mean for Addy. Protectiveness surged within him, and he began devising plans to shield her from any potential harm. If it came down to it, he was even willing to take her away, leaving everything behind.

Addy, lost in the present, didn’t give much thought to what lay ahead. She was fully immersed in the moment and the world seemed to fade away as she buried her face into the man’s chest, “I wish I could just stay here with you tonight.”

Swiss wanted that too, but he also didn’t want to cause any more trouble for her than he already had, “He’s going to be looking for you, Adds. It’s risky.”

“Maybe, for a little while?” she reasoned, “An hour?”

Swiss grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief, “No need to beg, Addy,” he chuckled. “You’re always welcome in my bed; just don’t get caught in it.”

He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and slowly started to lift it up. He could hear her breathing turn shallow. His finger grazed her breast ever so slightly, sending a chill up her spine. He let his hand run down her rib cage and then to her abdomen.

Addy thought he would make his way down lower, but he stopped at her belly button, and softly embraced her stomach instead.

“You’ll always have a piece of me now,” he whispered before closing his eyes.

Addy too closed her own eyes, and they drifted off to sleep in one another’s arms.

The next morning, Sodo walked to Swiss’s room to shower. There wasn’t a shower in his own room and Cirrus was using the hall bathroom. He opened the door without knocking and saw Addy and Swiss sleeping in an embrace. At first, he continued to walk toward the bathroom as though it were a mirage. Then, once he processed what he witnessed he hurriedly ran back to where they were.

“Addy?” he asked.

Addy and Swiss began to stir from their sleep. When they saw the light of day on each other’s faces they realized that Addeline had slept in his room all night. Then the horror of Soda witnessing them added to the problem.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

Addy jumped up, “Shit! Shit! I’m sorry, I have to go.”

She grabbed her shoes and ran out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Swiss slapped his forehead before rising out of bed himself, ready to answer the obvious questions Sodo was about to bombard him with.

“Dude, what the hell was that?”

Cirrus walked in the room, upon hearing the fuss, towel drying her hair.”

“What’s going on?” she asked, “Why are you yelling?”

Sodo turned to her, “I’m not really sure. Swiss was about to tell me.”

Cirrus looked at Swiss, not sure how he could have offended Sodo, “What happened?” she asked.

Swiss threw his arms in the air, “He saw Addy in my bed.”

Cirrus’s face turned to one of horror, “He saw you guys last month?”

“No,” Swiss retorted, wanting to throw something at the ghoulette for blurting out private information, “He did not see us do anything. He saw her in bed with me just now!”

“Just now? Addy was in here just now?”

Sodo chimed in again, “Whoa whoa, Cirrus, they had sex last month?”

“Shit,” she said, “Swiss I’m sorry. I thought—”

“—I know what you thought,” he said sarcastically.

“Well, what was she doing in here last night?”

Swiss was getting aggravated. He was tired of everyone jumping into his business, making things worse. He threw on a pair of pants and a shirt and yelled, “Everyone just shut up, okay? Addy came in here last night. She was tired, she laid down and fell asleep, that’s it.”

He stormed out of the hotel room, making his way outside to smoke. It was a bad habit he carried out when he got overly upset. Cirrus of course followed him, knowing there was more to the story. She figured they would just have to fill Sodo in when the time was right.

She managed to catch up to him briefly in the stairwell, but he kept walking briskly, determined to distance himself from her.

“Swiss, I’m sorry!” she yelled.

“Mind your business, Cirrus.”

Out of breath, she followed the man outside and settled at a safe distance from him. She needed a moment to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. The tension hung in the air as she observed him from afar.

“What do you want, Cirrus?” he snapped.

With and expression mixed with seriousness and concern she asked, “Addeline told you, didn’t she?”

Swiss slowly turned around to face his friend, kicking dirt as he did so. He scratched his head, appearing both confused and aware. His actions seemed to convey uncertainty, “She told me.”

Cirrus walked closer to him, stopping about two feet from his face.

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with that information, you know?” he admitted, “It’s like you said, she can’t leave him. I guess I have to sit back and watch him raise my kid,” he threw his cigarette down, “How do I do that?”

Cirrus shook her head, “I don’t have all the answers, Swiss.”

“Not to mention the fact that this kid is going to come out with darker skin. That’s not going to go unnoticed by anyone. What do you think he’ll do to her? Shit, what will the clergy do to her? To my son?”

Cirrus stood there, her mind racing with thoughts and emotions. She desperately searched for the right words, but they eluded her. The situation they found themselves in was unlike any other, and there was no clear guidebook for how to navigate it. How does one approach a friend and admit to sleeping with their spouse? How does one delicately explain that a pregnancy is the result of another man? And how does one reveal that they knew the truth all along but kept silent?

Each person involved in this mess carried their own share of responsibility, yet none of them had the faintest idea of how to handle it. It was a tangled web of emotions, secrets, and uncertainties, leaving them all feeling lost and helpless. They knew that finding a resolution would require immense courage, honesty, and compassion, but the path forward remained shrouded in ambiguity. Furthermore, they knew the clergy had killed for far less, so it was also a matter of survival.

“Want company?” She asked.

*

Following their Chili concert, Addeline found Swiss outside, a usual hideout for him when he sought solace.

“Oh, hey,” the ghoul turned, startled but happy to see her, “You did really well tonight.”

“Thanks,” she said, “I had a good teacher.”

Swiss chuckled softly at the compliment and turned to face her. He couldn’t help but gaze down at her abdomen, a mix of anticipation and disdain in his eyes. He walked closer to her, gently placing his hand on her warm belly. No words were needed. The thoughts in his mind were clear as he took a deep breath and let out a sigh. The two locked eyes, as he withdrew his hand from her pregnant stomach, and reflected on this journey they were sharing together, apart.

He pulled her close without hesitation and began to kiss her with enthusiasm, his touch filled with passion, pressing her against a brick wall. There was a hint of resistance from Addy, only because she was afraid somebody might come out of the venue to see. Swiss was ravishing her with his hands, letting his fingertips sink into every inch of her. She had to shake herself out of it. She broke free, gasping for air as though she had been struggling to stay afloat in an ocean of cold water. Swiss too was panting heavily.

“I can’t resist you anymore,” he confessed, his voice filled with desperation. “I need you right now.”

Addy shook her head vigorously, “Not here,” she said.

“I know where we can go,” he revealed, assuring her that he did not intend on taking her out in the open, “If I don’t have you right now, I swear I’ll burst.”

Addy was surprised at his lack of concern for being seen, “Swiss, the show just let out! Everyone is walking around. We’ll get caught.”

Licking his thirsty lips, he eagerly took Addeline’s hand and pulled her towards a door that was more discreet, with less traffic. “Correction,” he whispered, a desirous glint in his eyes. “The show just let out, so everyone will be extremely preoccupied.”

She wanted to, badly. The very thought of letting Swiss make love to her in that instant was exciting and had her throbbing in her pants.

“Come on,” he urged her, putting pressure on her to make a decision before their window of opportunity closed. “I know you want to,” the ghoul persisted, continuing to press her.

She nodded in agreement, allowing the man to pull her inside. Swiss led her to a smaller, less frequently used green room, distinct from the one used by the band. Before closing the door, Swiss glanced around to make sure nobody had seen them enter the room. He swiftly locked it from the inside to ensure their privacy. As their hands intertwined, they playfully assisted each other shedding their ghoul garments until they were completely naked.

Once they were bare and exposed in front of one another Swiss swept Addy into his arm and pulled her close to his chest. She could feel the wiry hair on his body, tickling her skin as they kissed.

The feel of her skin touching him drove him crazy, “Fuck, you feel so good,” he breathed heavily into her ear.

Addeline was so torn at this moment. She was hesitant to cross that line with the ghoul, feeling that this was the moment to walk away if she was going to stop. She didn’t plan for it the first time, but now she was making a conscious choice to continue the affair.

She pulled away slightly and Swiss, feeling her resistance, asked, “Do you want me or not, Adds?” He wanted to give her the chance to walk away if this wasn’t a path she wanted to take.

She nodded, insinuating for him to continue but inside, she was grappling with inner turmoil, “I’m fine, I just… need to breathe.”

Swiss dropped to his knees in front of Addy and began to place soft wet kisses on her stomach.

God don’t do that she thought. She knew she’d never be able to say no if he kept touching her this way. She began to moan as Swiss found his way between her legs. Her beautiful sighs filled his ears. She let her hands rest on top of his head as he strategically used his tongue to titillate her into giving him full consent. She couldn’t resist running her fingers through his curls, letting them become entangled in their softness. She couldn’t keep herself from pulling them, but he didn’t mind.

Swiss emerged from her depths and kissed her. She could taste herself on his lips.

“Addy, let me fuck you,” his words filled her ears, with gentle authority.

Swiss continued kissing her, swallowing her groans of pleasure. He pushed his chest forward to close the distance between them and let his hard bulge rub against her, “Grab it,” he demanded. He unwillingly learned from her relationship with Copia that she responded well to commands in the bedroom. He didn’t want to take advantage of this knowledge, but he was in physical pain from not being inside of her.

Addeline obliged, their lips glued to one another, and wrapped her hand around his cock. She could feel it pulsing in her hand, growing bigger between her fingers. A blissful expression washed over Swiss’s face and his head fell back in pleasure. It felt so good to have the woman touching him this way. In this position, Addy was able to kiss his neck. He shivered at receiving these gentle pecks.

It was too much for him. He had to have her now. He put his hand under her rear and hoisted her up. She anchored her legs around his waist and then their bodies fell against the wall of the room—they couldn’t resist the urge to be close.

Still standing, Addy grabbed his cock and lined it up with her entrance. Now, positioned just right, he used the small of her back and the wall as leverage to prepare himself for what he’d been dreaming of for weeks since the first time. Addy could feel the tip of him ready to push into her at any second. She held her breath as she anticipated what was to come.

He plunged into her eagerly and began rocking at a steady pace. In and out, he slid with ease—the feeling was so incredible that Addy’s eyes welled with water.

They both took shallow breaths with every pelvic thrust that Swiss delivered. At one point their foreheads met each other, their skin sticking together from their sweat.

A few times, Swiss thought that Addy might cum. He could feel her tightening around him but considered maybe she was having trouble in this unusual position. He walked her over to a couch and let her down on to her back, gently. He straddled her body and continued fucking her tenderly. She held her knees tightly against her chest, giving him an entrance free from obstacles.

“Are you okay?” Swiss asked as he reached down to push away the hair that was stuck to her face.

“Yeah, I’m good,” she smiled, managing to utter words between gasps for air.

There was that smile that Swiss absolutely adored. Addy released her knees and wrapped her legs and arms around Swiss’s body. She clung to him as though her life depended on it, holding on with all her strength.

She pulled him closer to herself, feeling him dive so deep into her now that all concern for tenderness and gentle movements had been long forgotten. It began to hurt in a familiar way that sent Addy into a frenzy. Her breath was ragged as her walls began to clench around Swiss’s cock. He began to feel himself growing closer to the edge at the sensation of her constricting his member.

He erupted with a strangled cry, arching his back, and letting his head flop backward. With a scream of pleasure Addy’s voice too filled the room, expressing her delight in that euphoric moment.

Swiss felt a sense of contentment and pride as he saw how much he had pleased the woman. Addeline looked completely perfect after coming undone. She lay there, eyes closed, limbs limp, completely satisfied.

Swiss couldn’t help but feel a pang of envy towards the Cardinal, who had the privilege of feasting his eyes on such a breathtaking sight whenever he pleased.

Swiss stood up, his legs trembling uncontrollably as he struggled to find his balance.

“That was fucking incredible,” He expressed his satisfaction. Addy was out of breath but still managed to catch her wind long enough to agree, “That was intense.”

He helped her off the couch, disappointed that it was over and already longing for the next time.

“We should get dressed and get back out there,” Addy suggested they go back outside and blend in with the crew as though they had been helping the entire time. They would need to put their ghoul costumes back on but luckily for them these clothes would mask their dirty deed. To look at them now, everyone would know what they had just done. At least the masks would cover that.

“Don’t stay away from me too long,” Swiss said, turning himself back into a nameless ghoul, “I’m going to walk out first and maybe you walk out a few minutes after me?”

She agreed this was a good idea to make things look less suspicious should anyone be in the hallway. People would jump to conclusions if they both walked out of the room together.

Addy waited five minutes before exiting and she slowly made her way down the long corridor. Of course, there walking towards her was none other than Papa.

“Amore!” he shouted excitedly, “Where did you disappear to, my little ghoulette?”

“I was just in the bathroom,” she said, “I’ve been holding my bladder for hours!”

“Didn’t you go right before the show?” Papa interrogated, “Two hours is not very long to hold your bladder, my darling.”

Without thinking, she let the words slip from her lips, “Yea, but you know how I am when I’m pregnant—”

As soon as she heard herself say the words she longed to grab them back. SHIT.

The Cardinal’s eyes widened with excitement and his stare filled with anticipation at the news, “Cara Mia! Is it true? Number 5?” he was exhilarated, “Are you really to give me my fifth child?”

Addy feigned excitement. She was delighted that Copia was pleased at the thought of a new potential heir, but she had doubts about this one’s paternity.

The Cardinal embraced her warmly, expressing his gratitude. He cherished the children Addy gave him and eagerly anticipated being a father for the fifth time. With two boys and two girls, he wondered who the tiebreaker would be, “So, my dear, this next little one will put either our boys in the lead or our girls!”

Addy’s smile wavered under her mask as she felt a knot tighten in her stomach. She couldn’t ignore the sickening feeling that washed over her, knowing that moments ago she had been in the arms of Swiss

[aressida]

My old entry: "Our “new normal,” which now censors and bullies those who happen to hold opposing views." - Aressida. 17.11.20

It is glaringly obvious. Yet some people still claim to not see it. That is how you identify the traitors among you. Soon I think the Leftists to realise that their enemy is within.

It is why they call it the great awakening. Some very sickening things have been taking place, while all the sane people try to live an honest life. I wonder what they will do with the truth. Progressives will not know who to riot against then.

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is in the middle of making a mistake.” – Sun Tzu.

The rhetoric from people is dangerous, immoral and incredibly irresponsible. Tyrants do not tolerate the slightest difference of opinion. These doctrines lead to violence. When people tell or show you who they are, believe them.

We are most critical of ourselves, in essence we are our worst judges. All experiences where we feel that we are being judged has a very reflective energy of lack of love to ourselves. Use the reflective mechanism, meditation, or any tool that we resonate with to understand what we are being shown, what we need to look at, what are we rejecting and begin a process of acceptance.

“Knowing your darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.” – Carl Jung.

In order for you to be who you want to be, you have to be who you are not. So condemning the darkness is the same as condemning a part of yourself or the universe.

We all are both good and evil its are human nature influenced by both sides maybe which side we give in to most overcomes us. We are both, its how we conquer our demons or they conquer us. Remember, do not run away from your demons, learn their names. Do not lock them away learn how to handle them. Balance between the two is strength. Like this the two wolves concept. You are to find a balance or else you will just be repeating cycles yourself.

To others who have not faced their darkness will never understand what it is like for those who have, and many will never understand the struggle to simply make it through a single day. Like how some of us grew up with an unconscious need to control everything around us just to feel safe in our world.

Most of us were raised in unhealthy and toxic environments that were hosts to an array of unhappy issues that we had to realize during adult years. Nobody had perfect parents but those who have been abused on any level know how it corrupts your mind and your heart and how hard it is to heal from it. This is a long painful journey that is absolutely necessary.

“You have to keep breaking your heart before it opens. The wound is where light enters.” – Rumi.

What do you know of duality? Just aspects of the same thing just different ends of the spectrum. You have two sides, the good and the bad, and it is up to you to chose one to see. You do not have to have it all figured out. None of us has. But we can help each other rise one step at a time.

I have traveled through the darkness and reached the light. I am proud of how far I have come. I have turned many corners. None can take that from me while I show the way to others. I believe I am here to show others the light.

The abuse only stopped because I finally snapped and fought back and cut all ties with those who had abused me as I will not allow them to try to inflict abuse unto my children as well. I did not come to let my children and me live this dark life and we all have the power to turn it around.

“I am not afraid. I was born to do this” – Joan of Arc.

I have no desire to clear my name in your book of fiction. No one loves a warrior until the enemy is at the gate. It is scary at times when I realize how much I have grown and the people I have lost because I have found myself. All that matters is that I know how much I have grown emotionally. And most do not understand the work that has to be done everyday to make sure I stay in the place I want to be. I am continuing to celebrate my journey all by myself and I did not do it so you would understand, I did it for my children and for humanity.

We need to start taking back our lives.

[purpleglitch]

I ramble for too long about my art (The post)

(Drawings here)

Thanks again to Nunki and Nov so much for pulling me out of art block 😭💕 I had so much fun drawing all of this and experimenting with poses and colors, etc. that I wouldn't have tried before this!! i'm so sorry this took like 2 months to finish there was lots of stuff going on but I finally finished it and i'm very happy how it all turned out. I made this post just to go through my thought process LMAO

DAY 1: Early SMP Days

This one was inspired by the "he asked for no pickles" meme and how in an early dsmp stream c!dream (in full enchanted netherite armor) asks c!george (half iron/diamond armor) to protect him with a crossbow while they go to l'manburg

At first this one was gonna be a quick drawing but then i got too invested into drawing the armor that it got out of hand and suddenly i had spent 2 days on that 💀

Also all the other drawings were gonna be like this one, a bit simple than what i usually do, but i got too invested x2 and ended up rendering(?) more the rest of drawings

C!dream is c!george's baby, like the cc's dynamic 👍

DAY 2: Objects of Affection

THE SHIELD DEMONS GOT ME 👹👹👹👹 also c!gnf keeps the mask even though it's a bit broken :3

C!gnf is a bit dirty because he doesn't shower, also he sleeps on the grass sometimes, he doesn't get sunburnt because XD protects him from that, also c!sapnap is the one that finds him like that and brings him back to kinoko

I think this is the drawing with most layers only because it was for setting the lighting

This one set the bar of how many details can i put on the next drawings haha got too silly and flew too close to the sun

DAY 3: Worship/Devotion

Inspired by religious imagery in renaissance paintings, they're very pretty and detailed and ohgggg i thought that aesthetic fit XDNF's dynamic ^_^

When I finished the drawing i added a canvas texture so it looked like the mentioned paintings' texture

The pose was so complicated but thankfully i hid all the weird anatomy under capes and hair(?) 🤭 and I have a mirror right next to my computer so i used myself as reference for the hands

The halo around c!gnf's head could be a reference to the headcanon of georgeeeHD existing and being another dsmp deity or also hinting at george's "destroying the smp" stream and how powerful and crazy insane he is!!! also the reflection of XD's halos on his eyes, they worship each other i think, xdnf makes my tummy hurt /pos

DAY 4: Visions/Dreams

Inspired by my weirdcore demons :3 i love that aesthetic so much

I did the error pop up on this custom generator!!

Saved a lot of time by making c!dream faceless since it would be covered by the pop up anyway, but it can also be symbolism for c!gnf not remembering his face or something crazy

I again used myself as reference for the hands i'm so cool and epic

Also I used a tutorial on how to make the vhs effect/chromatic aberration on paint tool sai and added grainy texture on the background for more spice :3

DAY 5: Reunion/Post-Nuke

I reused an old sketch of c!dnf side profile for this one, hashtag work smart not hard 😎 except i polished it and changed some stuff and now it looks way better than the old version

The concept was happy reunion, they're happy to see each other!! c!dnf good ending, i say in tears.

c!gnf touching the c!dritties :3 jk he's feeling his heartbeat, he can't believe he's real!!!

I had so much fun drawing the blood on the bandages and c!dream's scars, please zoom and admire them, it took so long,,,,

DAY 6: Roleswap

My demons..... my beloved rs au..... the posts i made some while ago were based on this drawing, i have a tag on my blog now for that au

RS!dnf wear matching chains!! also the concept for this drawing was that someone interrupted their make out session :3

Symbolism moment!! I like to draw characters with nail polish of the color it represents them, in this case green for dream and blue for george, but for this au, their colors are swapped: green for george and blue for dream, it symbolizes how their roles (king/knight) on that story are different and don't match with the canon. storywise, they're so in love they wanted to keep each other on themselves somehow so they exchanged nail polish colors

DAY 7: CC Roleplay/Cosplay

Sisyphus would be proud of me (<- almost gave up before drawing this), unironically i got demotivated when i finished day 6 so i took a break and then i went insane with this one

The concept was c!dnfies wearing cc!dnf outfits, dream specifically has so many outfit options but I ended up choosing the famous "dteam in madrid" outfit plus a cat beanie, and I couldn't find a fortnite jesus poster for george's shirt so i just found a silly cat pic and yeah ^_^

Thank you random twt user for the idea 👍

And that's it! I probably forgot to say some stuff more but i started to get anxious this post would be too long. Again thank you so much guys for being supportive over the wips i showed you and also being insane about c!dnf too 😭 <3

[scoundrels-in-love]

9, 15 and 21 for the writer asks 💕

Hi love, thank you for asking!

9. What fic meant the most to you to write? Oh, this is complicated to answer. Most of them have held something I've wanted to say, something I've wanted to explore. Something I've feared to be vulnerable with before. Few choice picks: I was caught in a crossfire, I was still as the night (You were an angel in the shadows) was me daring to write (and publish) first fanfiction in, really, several years. It marked my return to writing and it was also me daring to write my vision of Meryl that felt different from some of the fanon, me setting up to write some aspects of my neurodivergence into her. It was scary and important and I was amazed I finished it. You taught me the courage of stars before you left (How light carries on endlessly even after death) and Oh it's just your sweet love gone (And I've gotta find a different way to go) allowed me to openly face Wolfwood's death and talk about the open rawness of fresh grief as well as establish my Three Guns of Stampede the constellation agenda which is one of my favorite headcanons/concepts I want to expand on a lot.

Where there is love, there is life (Love lives, and I will defend her) means a lot to me as a big project that scares the daylight out of me, but I am refusing to give up on and has a lot of thought and love put into it, lot of laughter shared among my friends about it, too.

If this is communication, I disconnect (I need you, you want me, but I don't know how to connect) meant to me a lot while writing because it spoke of the ugliest sides of grief, of an After when you never really expected there to be one so you're wasting your chances, and I think it's one piece I grew with the most as a writer. The way it was received has impacted me deeply, too. It possessed me while I was writing it and I don't think it ever left.

Holding it together with one loose string (That I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop pulling) is deeply personal in many ways and I have never spoken of my experience with trichotillomania so openly and might never again, but I am thankful I did this time, for the people who resonated with it, for the way it let me face my own feelings about it.

We could love (illumination), we could love you (elevation) is ongoing and I am struggling with it for the reasons it means a lot to me - the want to depict genuine reflection acearospec experience with attraction and love, the fear someone will call me a fake for some reason??, the fact I can only guesswork because I've not really experienced it myself and I don't want to fall into harmful stereotypes... And yet, I want to write it, I want to give it my best depicting this shift and experience and how deep their feelings are for each other, far beyond a simple crush, how much of friends, family, bonded they are. It's been meaningful in the way I've had to sit down and think about a lot about what is attraction, romantic vs platonic love and the space they meet, and so forth.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 Oh man, it's hard to rec a fic universally, because someone might only enjoy a certain pairing or a trope largely, and so many other details. Overall, I'd say pick your poison from the ones linked above based on vibes why they were meaningful to me! Although I'm really fond of Smoking blues, sipping red (And I picture us inside my head) and You hold me for a little (Curtains closed to the end of the world) as well.

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Ah, dialogue, my dearly detested. Ironically, this is easy pick!

From Where there is love, there is life (Love lives, and I will defend her)

“I swear to God, Meryl, if you don’t stop wriggling…” Nicholas whispers in a rough voice and with the use of her name, it almost sounds like a promise, one that she would love to hear the entirety of, as her heart speeds up. His broad fingers span far across her stomach, index finger slipping beneath where her tank top has ridden up and pressing like a brand into her bare skin.  Sometimes, they really make it easy to misunderstand and get her thinking all kinds of nonsense.  Fuelled by pure spite against herself as much as Wolfwood, she gives one proper, good full body wiggle, but this time in the direction of Vash. Nicholas lets her go, though his hand remains on her hip. “I am going to bite both of you if you don’t settle down,” Vash sleepily says, while welcoming her to rest her forehead against his collarbone all the same. There’s minimal but still existing distance between the rest of their bodies, she knows she’d overheat quickly if they pressed more closely, but this much contact feels the right amount of comforting.  “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Blondie.”

This was such a key point to the chapter and I love the vibe I managed to create with the scene, the way I think they really sound like themselves and it shows how familiar they are with each other, the comfort and yet the way they're teetering on the edge of something.

"Oh God! I'm sorry!" "Are you okay??" "I'm so sorry, Meryl, I -" "It's okay you were asleep -" "Where's my apology, Blondie, you fondled my tits, too." "Meryl, I swear-" "It's fine!" "No-" "I didn't mind!!"

This was just absolutely hilarious to write and I think that in context, it has no dialogue tags, yet it makes sense so clearly who is who, which feels like a writing feat, and I usually don't manage to nail such a rushed feeling to a dialogue and I just cracked up myself and friends so much with the whole Vash the tit seeking missile scene. :')

Send me a fic writer ask?&lt;3