#I love running this blog and giving people an outlet :D

[sams-venting]

I need to get this off my chest before I blow up at somebody 

But I know I did not just fucking watch someone try to say a fictional incest ship is worse than several real-life people getting groomed. Are you fucking serious. You are so lucky your ass was on anon motherfucker I would've hard blocked and reported your snide ass

I don't give a shit which 'side' you're on. I don't care what you think about whatever drama of the week is going on. I know my ass, who has actively had to report CSEM photos to National Center for Missing and Exploited Children Cyber Tipline, did not just fucking watch you compare a disgusting ship, to actual teens being sexually coerced

I can't fucking believe you. We out here really prioritizing fictional characters over real breathing human beings

Get this, I am completely against pro shipping. I am just as repulsed by people looking at siblings or parents and deciding they should fuck for the silly dynamics of it as the next guy, it's fucking despicable. But I know I did not just your ass saying it's more harmful and creepy than your friend over there diddling real people almost half his age. Are you fcuking kidding me. 

And, before you start assuming shit, I again am on 'no side'. I don't give a fuck about the entire situation outside of people once again, conveniently dragging the victims of the gore anons into more bullshit. 

I am not blind to the fact none of this would've went down had a stalker not went digging for shit. No one would've known about the original doc a year ago had a suspected gore anon not stirred the pot after the callout post that got sent to the VAs. That was purposeful manipulation. No doubt about it. They wanted to pull up anything and everything on one of the few people that was trying to defend those that were getting harassed because of the big blogs. You'd have to be either really young, or really stupid to not've seen that bigger picture 

I also don't fucking trust ANYONE that makes a callout / awareness post for ANY REASON. I don't care who you are. As a quotev veteran of 7 years, someone who watched their friend get dogpiled on by big blogs 3 years ago in the Sonic fandom bc how dare a minor be uncomfortable with public porn of minor characters on tumblr, seen kids purposely catfish adults in the MHA quotev fandom so they could frame them for pedophilia any time their advances were put to a stop, the entire Revie and Jasper situation in the FNF vs Sonic.exe corner of twitter where one adult was partially framed once again by a kid that couldn't handle being told no, meanwhile the other had legit CP on their computer come to find out and was the Actual danger in the fandom 

So imagine my reaction of trying to escape to the fnafsb fandom and to tsams. Here 👏 we 👏 fucking 👏 go 👏 again. It's like everyone was born yesterday and baby spanking new to the Internet. How has No One learned the consequences of their actions. Adults included btw, just as childish if not worse than the teens that haven't learn basic internet etiquette. What the fuck is your excuse you're in your 20s, how is your media literacy This low mf. Smh 

All I can say is thank God I've decided to grow and mature as a person. And by that, coming to the conclusion that everything is ultimately ✨none of my fucking business✨ 

Bc guess what, it ain't. Just bc people airing out the dirty laundry does not mean I need to get involved and throw myself to the drama wolves. Sometimes, I don't need to have an opinion. Sometimes, if I do have an opinion, I know to keep it to myself unless I'm asked for it by my therapist or friends (and not anons guys I am begging you to not get baited by trolls please for the love of all things holy. Assume good faith in strangers, but never in anons. They use innocent questions all the time to pull a gotcha) 

Ultimately? All sides are guilty of some level of shit, end of discussion. 1) I already had beef with with the whole 'ur pd is showing' on a personal level. I will never forgive for that. In no scenario with strangers is that ever fucking okay. 2) I ain't gonna let the little fibs slide. I've seen the screenshots in the newest doc, I've compared the posts. A liar is a liar. 3) I personally don't like nor trust em. Didn't originally, definitely don't now. But again I acknowledge that's a personal decision. 4) I did not fucking like seeing people stalk the gore anon victims once again just so they can dig up scraps to support their persecution of their past abuser. 5) I am in no way denying the abuse they did infact go through. It was horrible to see, and I can only empathize with my own trauma from abusive relationships. 6) I am also however acknowledging that trying to drive them off of social media is not a realistic solution and is infact anti-recovery. So some of you are infact a hypocrite for wanting to abolish prisons and then pulling This kind of shit. Revenge is not justice. 7) if you wanna cut someone out of your life, you have to stop talking about them and 'looking out for their potential victims' or you're just going to feed the flames of drama. Be the bigger person and put down the stick if you're tired of the burn. This goes for everyone btw. 8) for the record I would not be Nearly as on the fence as I am rn if it weren't for [redacted] having learned this behavior from also being a victim of somebody else. It is incredibly common for those that have been groomed and/or abused in the past to then continue to seek out those same types of relationships. Especially if they never learned the why or how said relationships were fucked up in the first place. 

9) it is no one's place to decide if other people are allowed to give someone a second or third chance to be a better person. Idgaf if they're a victim or not. You do not have the right to dictate who talks to who. That is red flag toxic yaoi shit my dear friend. I, do not agree with a few of my mutuals chosing to befriend or forgive them. But I also know it is not my fucking place to tell them to do different. It is not my place to control who is with who for whatever reason. I don't like it, I don't agree with it, but I ain't gonna start shit talking left and right, throwing my opinions all about, and force them to do as I do. 

This is where the maturity clarity thing comes in btw. I don't like it. I have a bad feeling about it. I don't agree with these decisions my mutuals have made. But you know what? ✨It's none of my fucking business✨ and I mean it. That means, after I'm done venting here I'm dropping the topic. That means, just bc I don't like them that I'm gonna start bad mouthing to my mutuals about their friend. You don't go to your bestie and shit talk about their boyfriend right to them, that's messed up af. And this is no different 

Also, sidenote, fuck all y'all for using stranger's posts on the internet to drag someone else's name through the mud and reposting them to a doc without consent. Which Did happen to me with the big blogs vs confessions btw. I am still, very much not okay about that and I can't believe that's happening to other ppl too but for a different call-out. 

but fucking, trying to compare a fictional ship and saying it's worse than people who got groomed?

You are on razor thin fucking ice. Pull your head out of your ass, shut up, and sit the hell down before you spout any more stupid shit for the love of God. That about pisses me off more than anything right now I'm so livid. And I've been silently seething with rage since August so that's not to be taken lightly

----

[P.S. thank you to mod for being a place ppl can go to, idk what I would've done since I don't have therapy till next week. Sorry if I don't make any sense whatsoever btw, I am tired, it is 1 am, and my bpd ass is extremely emotional rn with no viable outlet except here. I am aware that reality is not what it seems past midnight as I am prone to delusion, so I'm genuinely not allowed to *talk* talk to ppl this late at night for everyone's well being, including myself. So again: thank you. Hope you're doing well, in spite of everything going on. Drinking water, petting cats, monching bread, etc, and letting the small things in life into your heart to spread wonder. Have a good night]

.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

top 5 wips you’re most excited to write? :D

AH …. anon my beloved 🥺🥺🥺 tysm for giving me an excuse to talk about them!!!! i have a whole bunch but here are the ones i’m most excited for/planning to write soon :3 hopefully

TITLES ARE STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION BTW but if you know where any of them are from you get a big gold star ⭐️

it’s your touch that i need

the best friend’s brother!satoru fic that i’m planning on posting next….. i’m . Unsure if i’ll have time to post it this week but :’3 i’ll get it done!!! honestly i just think bfb!toru is insanely attractive so this is mostly an outlet for that but . i have a plot mapped out kind of… the unrequited love trope is just perfect for him but it’s Me so it’ll probably be less angsty and more funny/bittersweet !!

here’s a snippet from it <3

”you’re a good kid,” he says, and his smile teeters on the edge of something apologetic. mostly, it’s pitying. ”there are lots of people out there for you.” the weight of his palm on your head is usually a comfort, but like this? it’s a specific kind of torture. he ruffles your hair, as affectionate as ever, the same as it’s always been. not a trace of any romantic intent. there are lots of people out there for you. (i know, you want to tell him, but your voice is raspy and your throat feels sort of dry. i know. but i want you.)

hunter, you were human

my neglected mer!sugu fic…… our beloved fish man….. one day. i’ll write it out. i’m having some trouble deciding the order of events + general formatting of the outline so 😭😭 i’m a bit stuck. i’ll get there though!!! this au has angst potential but it’s Me so trust that this will be fluffy and nothing else. lots of banter and cutesy moments. i have a lotttt of thoughts about this au and character/reader dynamic so….. i’m. really excited to eventually write it all out!!! i love him sm :cc

“i don’t really like freshwater.” … your eyes widen. his voice is silky, smooth, like a silver river running from the forked tip of his tongue; a melodic lilt that makes you think of the lullaby your mother used to sing you to sleep with. a long, slow moment passes you by, like the rocking of a rusty ship. silently, your tongue forms around a bundle of words, your mouth gaping like a fish out of water. staring at the merman in your bathtub. “you can talk?!”

consider the hairpin turn

THE BELOVEDEST OF THEM ALL …… my extremely neglected best friend’s brother!kenjaku fic T_T my magnum opus even . i started writing it out a while ago but had to stop bc i can’t decide how to format it …. i think it’d be best to tell the story through a lot of flashbacks but it’s difficult to decide where to put what flashbacks in a way that doesn’t disturb the flow, yk??? but i do have everything outlined and i’m super excited to finally post it :33 someday… bfb!kenny is the actual loml i have so much lore planned for him. this fic is just a whole bunch of yearning and tension… the tiniest tiniest bit suggestive bc he truly makes me ill.

nervously, your gaze trails towards the stairs. worried, your teeth gnawing at your bottom lip. kenjaku notices. a large palm cradles your cheek; making sure your eyes stay locked onto his own. ”don't worry about him,” he soothes, a rough thumb smoothing down your skin. ”it’s just us here… just you and me. why don’t you take a deep breath for me, hm?” (you do. without thinking. as if your body was waiting for instructions, waiting to satiate this gnawing desire to impress him, make him proud. be good for him.)  “now,” he exhales, in tandem with you, molecules mingling together. “do you want this?” 

only in the next world

ANOTHER DEARLY BELOVED WIP that’s been rotting in my drafts for a while ….. 👉👈 i think that out of all of these fics this is the first one that i wrote the outline to?? probably even before i made this blog. it’s basically just a canon-aligned au where gojo navigates his maybe-possibly-feelings for you, a new teacher at jujutsu high!! sooo really just my attempt to write what i view as a more canon-aligned gojo and his feelings towards love :3 mostly character-centered fluff and slowburn… some office au vibes…. i’m very fond of this reader!! and i love this version of gojo so bad i really hope i can do him justice…

“they’re a softie, huh?” shoko exhales — smoke drifting past her lungs, mingling with the cold air, a stench of tobacco that makes him crinkle his nose. ”they are,” she hums, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. a dangerously knowing look. “it’s not often someone captures your attention.” gojo smiles. ”is that what it seems like?” he drawls, almost a chuckle. closing his eyes and thinking of you, the fading scent of your perfume. ”well, who knows.” (certainly not him.)

signs of affection

my sickeningly fluffy cult leader geto fic <333 bc i’m spreading the agenda that he is a puppy of a man towards his s/o. this one is just meant to be funny and sweet!! i adoreee the thought of him dating a retired sorcerer with a normal ass job so in this one the reader works at a preschool…. and they’re meant to attend some kind of event for the preschool + is offered to bring a plus one. mild chaos ensues (geto doesn’t want to be anywhere near your non-sorcerer colleagues but he also wants to support you so he’s having a bit of a crisis rn…..) i LOVE this one and i’m so excited to write it out <333333 i think this geto is the most endearing man alive.

suguru blinks, eyelashes fluttering, gleaming under the shallow light of the lamppost just behind him. illuminating the peach-dyed flush dusting his ears, those wide pupils. and his lips, glossy with something cherry-flavoured, soon to curl up into a smile — fond, fond, fond. melting into your touch, basking in your long-sought attention. if he were a cat, you’re sure he'd be purring. he places one big palm over yours, where it rests on his cheek, and he stares. silently, like you’re the only thing worth seeing; dreamy galaxies inside his eyes, all honey and star clusters, leaking adoration. a milky way of love. ”… another,” he pleads, nosing at your fingertips.

[matan4il]

hey! diaspora jew here, sending all my love (and a question lol)

how do you feel about israeli news sources right now? i've been trying to expand the persepectives i'm reading, and was wondering what you (and other israelis reading this, hi!) thought were accurate representations of civilian sentiments, and how you felt about how they are portraying events.

you've been incredible through all of this, as someone who is willing and able to call out bullshit while maintaining such compassion (props to you, serious chutzpah and moral character). i have oodles and oodles of respect for you, and i hope you and your loved ones stay safe. am yisrael chai

Awwww, hi lovely diaspora Jewish Nonnie! :D I'm so glad my blog could be of help to you throughout this. Thank you so much for the kind words, they're so appreciated! ^u^ *sends hugs*

I think Israeli news sources are, much like all news sources, imperfect. That said, when it comes to Israeli news they ARE vital, because there's a lot you'll hear there, that you won't elsewhere, and you'll get analysis that's much more connected to our reality, and you'll get interviews with some of the most relevant people (conducted by people who usually get what it's all about more than some foreign interviewers)...

It's a bit like how, if you're interested in what's going on with Jews and you're not an Israeli, I would recommend reading some Jewish news outlets. The mainstream media isn't as interested in us, so you'll miss out on a lot that's going on with Jews if you only follow the 'general' news channels. Similarly, if you're interested in Israel, you absolutely should follow Israeli news sources, and get more of the source material, from those who are most invested in it.

Obviously, not all Israeli news sources are the same, some are more biased than others, and even on platforms that are less so, you can come across individuals who are biased (because everything here IS a matter of life and death, and nothing's more divisive than that). And at the same time, sometimes a biased news source will run a story that is absolutely true, reliable, and other news sources are not reporting on for their own reasons. So, not only are biased news sources at times just as reliable as less biased ones, they're sometimes important as well, because their "bias" allows them to speak the truth others may not be interested in.

So overall, I would say that in Israel as elsewhere, it's a good thing to mainly listen to the more "balanced" news sources, keep yourself informed by listening to a variety of POVs, including from all perspectives and biases. Which is why I'm hesitating in giving any specific recs, because I do think the best approach is to not limit whose news you're consuming...

Nonnie, thank you again for the incredibly touching feedback on everything I've been posting, and for the kind wishes. I'm hoping the same's true for you, that you and your loved ones are safe and thriving despite all the antisemitism we've seen rising. I wish you all the best and am sending endless love. Am Yisrael chai! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

May 2021 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

It’s a cray cray Friday when Vietnam gets its eng subs up before GMMTV Thailand. What alter-reality are we in? Well, the Vietnamese offerings are better right now anyway. (Oooo, feel that burn.) 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Top Secret Together Ep 2 - pulping it up in the best possible way. Sure sound and production values are pants, and in classic Thai fashion the editing in post is exacerbating (rather than fixing) pacing issues, but it’s still CUTE AF. I don’t even mind the added university storyline, because they’ve got good chemistry (and a confident gay fresher after a panicked gay hazer is an old favorite... what can I say, SOTUS was my first love). We aren’t spending too much time with any one couple, so it’s weighted a lot better than Brothers was, but also character development is slow. 

Siew Sum Noi Ep 2 - Unfortunately, it’s just too hard to find, plus no subs. I’m dropping it in the hopes it comes back on my radar some day. 

Y-Destiny Ep 8 - (Thurs) It’s rough having a ghost boyfriend, half your friends are scared, the other half think you’re crazy, and kissing shortens your lifespan. This was a cute couple even if I wasn’t wild about the surrounding story. 

Close Friend Ep 5: (Dear My Star/JimmyTommy) - about high school penpals. It had to rely entirely on voice over work as the actors only meet face to face at the end. It’s a good thing they are appealing screen presences on their own, with good vocal control. It’s hard to imagine any other BL pair carrying this kinda plot. It’s by far my favorite of the series so far, and I’m not even a big JimmyTommy fan. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 7 - no subs. Do we care? Not really. Because we have... 

Nitiman Ep 3 - currently my favorite out of Thailand. It’s the university Thai BL i’ve been waiting for since... when was the last good one? My Engineer? Yowza. Anyway we got: head on my shoulder, baby is a floppy drunk (but still wants to be in control), proximity alert, boyfriend’s closet, seme gets seriously jelly, and a cute twist on feeding him. There’s something fun and complex about Jin’s character. He’s not a panicked bi. He knows exactly what’s going on, he just hasn’t decided if he wants Bb or not. He clearly enjoys being looked after, the compliments, and the attention, but he’s not sure if he’s going to like what happens if he gives in. I like that twist on the usual tsundere uke archetype a lot, cautious rather than willfully obtuse or freaked out. We can see Jin realizing in stages: I like this person, I like that they like me, I like the romantic attentiveness. But in the background is... do I actually want to f*k him? It’s a dynamic we don’t often see on BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 10 fin - the most ridiculous show using BLs worst tropes in a sort of weird smoothie of bitter greens and too ripe banana. The ending was the sappiest cheesiest thing ever, like cheese syrup tapped from the cheese tree. So of course I loved it, but I’m pretty sure I giggled through all the bits meant to be profound. Because, in the end, to tolerate this show at all, you just can’t take ANY of it seriously. RECOMMENDED (with some SERIOUS reservations and trigger warnings.) Full review here. 

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 1-2 - I don’t mind a damaged seme character but this one is a bit weird for me. Like creepy Cheese in the Trap level weird. On the bright side, the story has given our tsundere uke good motivation for his angst and great existing friendships, loyalty, and likability. Plus I’m invested in the cafe owner/innocent puppy side dishes. So if it’s only the seme character I’m not jiving with, and he’s the most established actor, it should all turn out fine. I believe in you, Taiwanese BL. 

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan) Ep 6 fin - speaking of belief. This such a good show but they gave us a cliffhanger ending. Now we must hope against hope for season two. That’s never guaranteed with Taiwan tho. So, I’m docking a few points and saying, RECOMMENDED so long as you realize it’s a cliffhanger. 

Love is Science? (Taiwan) Ep 1-9 (BL subplot) - this is a good het romance, but the fact that the BL subplot is a beautifully acted disaster bi + confident gay means you’re hearing about it whether you want to or not. Plus they just added in some GL! Come on! I gotta support Taiwan normalizing queer to this extent. They are fighting the good fight and if I also have to watch a career lady and her much younger softest straight boi get it on, too? Twist my arm with that service sub subtext. Go on Taiwan, TWIST IT. It’s on Viki. Join the revolution.   * Incidentally if you actually like the D/s het dynamic of this show, I highly recommend Japanese Kimi wa Petto - career woman keeps a hot young dancer boy as a pet. Oh yes, an actual pet, that IS the pitch. Never doubt Japan when kink is on the line. It’s also on Viki. Go get your kink on, thank me later. (If it helps: That was not a request.)  

Most Peaceful Place 2 (Vietnam) Ep 2 (AKA 5) - love triangles aren’t my thing, but if you’re gonna do it short form, by all means bring in the lead’s other BL pairing so the chemistry is on point. Now I've no idea who I want him to end up with. Can’t they just be in a poly triad? 

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 7 - I’m still enjoying it a lot. It’s still unabashedly queer and the tension is ramping up. We now have secret identity, blackmail, femme fatale, faen fatale, and incoming seme confrontation. Best of all, the series is still airing, which makes it longer than any other Vietnamese BL I’ve seen (aside from Tein Bromance - which is just too weird to count). 

Gossip - Thai BL 

SEVEN PROJECT TEASERS

No one is entirely sure what Studio Wabi Sabi’s Seven Project/7Project will entail. 

It might be like Close Friend (1 episode per couple, no linking), 

or Y-Destiny (2 episodes per couple, loosely linked), 

or The En of Love (4 episodes per couple, linked but independent consecutive stories). 

They’re giving the couple’s arcs separate titles. So each one would be what? Seven Project: Once Upon a Time or the like? We’re in Taiwanese title territory people and NO ONE WANTS TO GO THERE. Anygay... 

Once Upon a Time is the BounPrem (og UWMA) anchor story, and seems to be the most dramatic and likely saddest. These two can handle most of what’s thrown at them at this juncture, so it should be good. 

Vs Love is a BoomPeak (og Make it Right) university vehicle. Since I thought Boom was done with our nonsense, I couldn’t be more thrilled and surprised this pair is doing another show together. I don’t think either of them are the greatest actors but I find Peak very endearing and Boom charismatic on screen, so I’ll watch. 

Would You be My Love is the hotly anticipated SantaEarth launch. They’re a (cultivated) IRL ship and Earth is an established BL actor. They have great chemistry and high energy so this could be lots of fun. 

We are also getting a GL from this series from established BL actresses Samantha and Pineare. Nothing teased yet on that, but I’m looking forward to this installment the most. Also curious to see how the ladies handle the branding and promo side, not to mention the culture. (Thailand variety shows gonna force *girls* to play the Pepero game?) 

Secret Crush on You upcoming Thai BL with no release date, co-produced by and featuring (but NOT staring) Saint and directed by Cheewin (sigh) with all fresh faces. (Previously known as Stalker the series.) It looks like pure pulp and I’m not wild about the plot but could be better than expected as it’s adapted from a novel. Cheewin is an okay director when he has an actual story to follow. 

Don’t Say No the series. Coming from the producers of TharnType this is the JaFirst vehicle many have been waiting for. Friends to lovers + a good boy/bad boy pairing on a sports romance foundation. It’s basketball so they tapped Meen as well (he’s semi-pro). The bad news? You get one guess as to who is writing the darn thing? Yep it’s MAME. So, ya know, expect some slam dunk kidnapping, a light dribbling of rape, and me turning into a basketcase. AKA... 

Will I have to live blog this series in order to survive it? That seems to be the only way I can. So probably. Which means the bad sports puns will continue. Look, if I’m suffering, SO ARE YOU! 

Rumors of a new YinWar vehicle The Best Story (mini series) coming in July. Also rumors that their previously announced Love Mechanics (full length series) has either been delayed, is facing money issues, or is moving studios, or all three. 

Breaking News 

DELAYED (I’m talking these three off the watch list until we get new airing dates) 

Love Area’s release was pushed out but it got a trailer. 

Golden Blood was supposed to drop Weds but comments in MDL report that it is delayed due to C19.  

Love’s Outlet (Taiwan) is supposed to have started a 50 episode run (only 3-5 min each, what utter nonsense). Sadly, this delay is due to a surge in cases in Taiwan which was doing so well, but also doesn’t have many inoculations. 

Bad Buddy has started workshopping at GMMTV actual. 

Kang Insoo’s BTS for Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding is SO FLIPPING CUTE. You have to watch it. Trust me, I don’t rec behind the scenes stuff often. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[haikyuu-and-more-haikyuu]

Just wanna say a thank you!

I looked back at my archive and noticed that it has been around a year since I started this fandom blog. Originally, I wanted a place to publish my fic (which i was just starting to write at that time) I was also too shy to post that fic on my main blog, plus I was starting to post a lot of Haikyuu related stuff there too. So I though that it would be great with another place to ‘save’ posts about haikyuu that I like...so I started this blog. And honestly, it have opened so many doors for me. I have a place to post my fic (other than AO3), i can write prompts/ hd/etc when I want to, and I have talked to quite a few people and gotten some good internet friends. I even played online for the first time in my life today with a person I met through the fandom :D It’s a great creative outlet for me and I can’t believe so many people share the same interests as me. Plus, I can ramble and post stuff about my favourite show ever. And I just have a great time running this blog. 

Haikyuu came in a pretty weird time for me, and a pretty hard time too. I had just come home from the military (summer 2018) and was struggling a lot with my mental health. It had been hell for me in years prior and I was honestly thinking about just giving up everything and end myself. But I stumbled up on a youtube video of a ginger getting carsick on another one’s lap and though; wtf is this?! And then I figured out what anime it was from and binged watched the three seasons that were out. And it was the first thing that genuinely made me laugh for such a long time. I loved the characters and I loved the plot and just everything with the anime just clicked with me. I wouldn't say Haikyuu saved me (because therapy did), but it showed me that I could still get enjoyment and  a good laugh, so not everything was hopeless. So I buried myself in the manga and watched the seasons again and again, and it lead me to the place I am now. I wouldn’t have met the people I have met, or written as much as I have done this last year, or I would never have started plying volleyball and gotten a little bit of confidence back. So for that I am thankful for <3 

So, thank you all for making this experience so wonderful for me and rooting for me when I have posted personal posts. It means a lot <3

Sending out hugs to all of you, I won’t quit anytime soon! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ♡♡♡ 

[toldyoushecan]

When things get back to normal...

I am not gonna lie, in almost a month of our Enhanced Community Quarantine I can’t help but sometimes feel drained, anxious and stressed out. Imagine just staying at home almost 24/7 (when you ain’t out for some grocery run) Not having the usual work-life-balance I usually give myself in and outside my home. It drains me. It consumes me. My thoughts. My temper. My mood. Everything.  

Everyone is fighting their own battles through this whole pandemic journey.

Personally for me, I cannot go out, I can’t see my family, the B, my DOGS, my friends. Everyone. In the middle of working at home I would sometimes just cry and have minor internal breakdowns. The thought of many people grieving for their lost loved ones because of this virus, shatters my heart. Plus thinking about the crisis and lack of help that our front liners and homeless people deserves, drives me crazy. 

Last night, after hours of over-thinking.. I told myself I needed a break. A break from anyone and anything that would run through my head. I just want to sleep and reset my brain and heart that already had too much of everything that has been going on.

After realizing how I needed to acknowledge all these emotions, I watched The Feast’s Recollection Day 3 on Facebook. I was seeking to hear God's goodness to guide me back in my track and truly after, I felt blessed and renewed. There will always be dark days for us but I realized (after watching the reflection and testimonials) that when there is suffering, uncertainty and anxiety in my life.. it gives me one step closer to my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I never forget to glorify him and thank him for his grace whenever I am at my joyful moments but deep down I think I haven’t done enough. So that is why I think God allows this to happen and sometimes uses people, places and scenarios to remind me that HE is here. That I need to have a constant relationship with him and I need to continue to serve him to receive his grace.

When things go well, God is good.

When things do not go well, still God is good because soon you will see his goodness.

Brother Dreus Cosio

I can’t imagine how many people now question God through this crisis. It is a very sad reality that some can’t help but feel. So I want to take this moment and write down my pure thoughts and emotions about all this catastrophe. Knowing that I am a bit struggling emotionally and spiritually as well, I want to remind myself that I have a God who is in control of everything.

To strengthen my faith about God’s Faithfulness in my life I wrote down 5 things I am most grateful for right now (during quarantine):

1. The B - A loving boyfriend who would have to endure all my breakdowns and would just calmly ask me to not think too much. It might sound too boring for some but this helps. It helps big time. It helps when someone is there for you to listen and who constantly tries his best to just.... be there. Being there is enough actually. Many times I don’t even need any of his advice. I just need him. His presence that keeps me sane.

2. Forever Folks - A complete, healthy and loving family. We might not be physically together but I will always feel blessed to feel God’s grace and love through my family. We do video calls almost every night. We get united through prayer time and kalokohan videos. heehee 

3. My work - I am thankful to continue to do (work from home) even during this helpless time. I love my job. It gives me enough resources for myself, my family and to at least give a few help to the less fortunate.

4. Time - As funny it may sound, I am now learning how to cook at the age of 26 years old. (Who are u, Dindin? lol) Last night I realized *cooking* might be my outlet these days due to the anxiety this lockdown is giving me. I couldn’t be more grateful though for I consider this an unexpected blessing too. I never realized I would actually like the idea of cooking to begin with. :D

5. Shelter and Protection - I am thankful to have a home in Manila near my brother and I’s offices. I am thankful how we are being kept safe and healthy despite the pandemic. I am so blessed to BE with my brother, Ryan. I literally cannot live alone here during this time. So I am praising the Lord for giving me someone who could be my companion and would eat all experimental dishes. char!

If anyone reading this feels all these sort of mental and emotional stress.. I want to let you know that God allowed you to see this blog post for a reason. By staying at home may you find time to also list down 5 reasons to be grateful for this quarantine. I hope by doing so it would lead you also to a deeper understanding about everything that is happening right now.

Our Faitjful God has Risen! Happy Easter everyone.

God bless you all! :)

**

Thank you for visiting my blog! :)

Let’s stay connected!

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For business purposes please email me at dhindeleon@gmail.com

Love,

Claudine

[writing-with-chaos]

Yo!

Hello friends! So I've made an intro for this blog when I started it months ago, but goofy me never tagged it with the proper channels so Imma try this again!!!!!

I’m Annastasia! It’s very nice to meet you. I’m a 26-year-old mixed race black woman, proudly disabled with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (type 2), and hailing from the ice-y state of Minnesota. I’m new to writeblr, but I’ve been on Tumblr for a little over ten years now with my main blog, @whileyoureinschoolidothisallday. I’m a practicing witch, and I like anime, video games, music, makeup, and fashion. Feel free to message me about any of those topics! =D

My favorite things to write are poetry, creative non-fiction, and genre-fiction, specifically YA and Paranormal. I got my start writing in fandom with fanfiction and fan theories, so I still have a soft-spot for meta and media analysis. Most of my non-fandom writing deals with themes relating to the othered identity, especially in regards to disability, gender, and race. In my experience, minorities are often refused the right to their negative emotions. Instead our lives are often spent as performances, making sure the people we live around are comfortable in our presence. My work serves as an outlet for these denied emotions. It’s a lot of raw anger, pain, honesty, and unapologetic self-love. Embracing darkness and the negative stereotypes associated with my communities gives me empowerment. I love every second of being an angry black woman and a crippled monster, and I’ll make sure to let you know it!

I have a few WIPs in progress that I can’t wait to show y’all! But if you absolutely can’t wait for some writing, I’ve already posted all my poetry (so far ;)) that you can check out over in my poetry tag and on my ao3!

I’m really hoping to make some more friends over here! Tumblr in general makes it a little harder to connect with people than it is on Writer Twitter, but this place has always felt like more of a home for me and my work. And hey, if you’re on Twitter too, we can be friends both places!!!! 

Besides my WIPS, I usually reblog/post writer memes, personal writer ramblings, moodboards, helpful tips and tricks, writing I think is super cool, inspo, and eventually art for my WIPs! If any of that sounds up your alley, I’d love it if you followed me and said hi. I’m super excited to get to know all of you and your art ^^

Here’s a little bit about some of the writing I’m working on (and if you wanna skip the writer comments and get straight to the goods, you can check out my WIP Page):

Cynical Chaos// My main project and dearest to my heart! I’ve been writing this bitch of a novel since I was fifteen, and it’s my life’s goal to get it published and eagerly devoured someday (hopefully before I’m 30????????). There’s been a lot of setbacks, but I believe in it more than anything. You can expect most of my posts to be about this precious monster of mine, and every Sunday I post an update via #WIPProgressSunday ! (or at least I do my best ^^;)

After saving the world from an alien race dubbed Chaos Powers, a paranoid culture and worldwide hero worship allowed government organization, Panacea, to run the world without opposition. Ariana Salem and her friends lived their lives pretending to be normal, knowing that if anyone ever discovered their secret—that the Chaos Powers never died, and instead were using them as human hosts—Panacea would never let them live. It was only a matter of time before someone blew their cover, and when one of their own was captured, Ariana declared war.

A year later, the battle has no end in sight. When one of Panacea’s experiments miraculously escapes, Ariana faces a choice: Help the girl and continue the battle, despite the debilitating trauma it causes her, or admit defeat before she loses herself next.

Main cast:

Ariana (MC)

Damali 

Sabin 

Eric (Antag)

Root-Bound// SUPER early stages of a short story collection I wanna write. Details very subject to change lol. I got the idea for it after having a really rough time of it and writing a journal entry where I likened the current life of me and my friends to being born in a dark forest and spending your whole life trying to reach the light before the shadows kill you. It stuck with me, and I’ve been playing with the idea ever since. I love when short story collections take place in the same space, and I think this particular world would hold a lot of potential to explore different perspectives and voices.

The Forest is home to the mass majority of the human race. A seemingly endless stretch of woods, the deeper into the Forest you live, the less sunlight there is. It’s a death sentence all “Dwellers” live with–the longer you stay in the dark, the more it poisons you, until there’s nothing left but the cold husk of your flesh. Most Dwellers made peace with this life and its inevitable end, but Ivy could never accept it. Her and her younger brother, Gavin, dreamed of escaping their whole lives. They plan to make the trek on Gavin’s 18th birthday, but the shadows of the Forest already have him in their sights. Ivy’s wheelchair makes traveling near impossible by herself, but if she has any hope of survival, she may have to face the journey alone.

Hate Me When I’m Gone// A CNF reflection piece on Stephen Hawking’s death and how seeing someone who was arguably the most visible, successful disabled person in history still get objectified and reduced to inspiration porn fucked with me. A lot of specific talk about death and autonomy and who’s allowed to have it and who isn’t.

Jigsaw// Another CNF piece that explores the frustration of being an outcast by using the metaphor of a mismatched puzzle piece. A.k.a, Disabled Mixed-Bitch Problems ;p

THANKS FOR READING THIS FAR!!! =D If any of that sounded interesting I LOVE YOU! Thank you for thinking I’m interesting! Hopefully, I’ll see you around ^_^

[brightlytae]

Okay okay. I'm an Exo-L and I used to be an Army but the fandom really hurt my feelings when I got into EXO. (Like fell in love but I never stopped loving Bts) I felt shunned by some Army who felt like I couldn't like Bts if I liked Exo. So I just became an Exo-L. But after seeing about Bts' new album, I really wanna get back into Bts again. But I find it really hard to do it. Maybe because of what I associate them with. But can you tell me reasons why you love them? Maybe I'll remember too!

Hey there! First I guess I want to apologise on behalf of other ‘armys’ who made you feel like you couldn’t listen to Exo. Unfortunately there is such a longggg and (very tired) rift between exo-ls and army and its just so unnecessary. As someone who listens and enjoys both groups, I believe that there is no reason for others to try and stop people from enjoying both! Kpop is meant to be enjoyed and fans shouldn’t feel like they get to control other fans! I hope that you can get back to enjoying both groups!!

I understand what its like when something effects you to the point that it turns you off from your interest. Sometimes people can be so mean and so pushy that its understandable why you would begin to distance yourself. Something I have always done in being a part of a fandom, is to keep myself away from a lot of the fandom issues- such as fanwars and toxic fans who have a little too much to say about other groups. ive said this a few times on my blog, but BTS are not their fans, and these ‘fans’ shouldnt stop you from enjoying what you want to enjoy!

why do I love BTS? for me there are many reasons:

1) Plain and simply- they make me smile. When i’m having a tough day, when i’ve been working late or something has gone wrong, i can watch a bangtan bomb or a run episode and they make me laugh so much. All of the boys are such characters that compliment each other so well and they all have a streak of humour that is just attached to my funny bone. like they’re just so chaotic and fun, they arent afraid to laugh at themselves and have a good time and that to me, is so refreshing to see. When I watch them, i just feel so connected and drawn in, they make me somehow feel a part of the jokes and i really enjoy that.

2) Their music and message. BTS songs really are pieces of art. I really love how active a role the members have in the production of the songs and i specifically love the way they use their music as an outlet to talk about very real problems that teens and young adults are facing as well as just addressing social issues in such a mature and intelligent way. Songs like no more dream and N.O from their earlier albums, songs like Paradise and Answer: Love myself from their newer albums… these are things that i feel like people like me need to hear. They have reminded me that i will be ok and that i deserve to be happy. They tell me that i am worth something even when i am confused about who i am/ what i want in life and they tell me that i am allowed to believe in myself. They use their talents to create these songs that speak to people and connect to them. When I think about Agust D and Mono i know for a fact that there are songs on those albums that have helped so many people (me included). but also songs like Baepsae and 21st century girls are just so so important too? As someone very interested in politics/class systems/society and someone who considers themselves a feminist- i just love seeing these things being brought up in music!

3) Their bond. The boys are so so so connected and that was one of the early things that really pulled me towards bts and made me stay. i noticed when watching their videos, just how considerate they are of each other, how much they look after one another, build each other up, rely on one another, remind each other that they are doing a good job… that they matter. Their friendship is so beautiful to see and for me, it makes the content they release feel so organic- they’re just so themselves around each other and its very real to me, they ways in which they are dedicated to the group. they are a family and they love each other so much!

4) They are good people. They run the Love myself campaign with unicef and several members have donated thousands to charities around South Korea. They truly want to make a difference in the world and they really want this difference to be a positive one. They’re so dedicated to giving and giving- and we dont see this often with celebrities really. 

5) they are relatable. I strongly believe that groups deserve privacy and to have a personal life but bts have always been very open with their fans and i have such a huge amount of respect for them for doing that. They have been vocal about the hard times they have faced, some of their struggles and they remind us that they are just like us.Where they have opened up, they have allowed others to feel like they too can share their concerns and that is so important! And they have torn down the fan/idol barrier in so many ways and allowed us to view them as friends or family. They really care about us all and want us to be happy- they’ve dedicated songs specifically to give us this message and they never forget to tell us just how much we mean to them.  

6) They work so so so damn hard! They dedicate hours and hours of their time to making music and practising choreography, even on their breaks they find time to record songs and covers for us, go on vlive, post on twitter and connect with their fanbase. But really the amount of work they apply to their craft shows- they’re comebacks are always so flawless and intense, I am always surprised and excited by what they are going to do next and they are never predictable! their music videos are literally some of the best things i have ever seen in my life- the artistry, the vision, the storylines…. its all on another level to me. Things are not half-assed. They make sure that when they want to show us something, that something is perfect and it really is always just. so.  damn. perfect!

7) and that leads me on to the steps bts have taken beyond just music. They dont just give us albums, they have given us a whole world! We get notes, a comic book and short films all dedicated to a whole story-line of events that (sure is confusing af) but it keeps me so intrigued! I cant help but want to always know more, find out what I can and see whats coming next! 

I think ive probably rambled at you for long enough but i just want to say that i  found bts at a time in my life where i felt very confused and unlike myself. Bts reminded me of who I was and what I like. I have to say that Taehyung especially did this for me. As i was learning about them and i saw how unapologetically himself he was, how he was so optimistic and caring, how he didnt let things bother him, he reminded me that i used to be like that and that i wanted to be like that again. He and the rest of the group helped me find myself and reconnect to a lot of my emotions. 

I hope this could help you in some way remember what it was about bts that you loved so much, and please dont hesitate to contact me again if you want to talk about this more! When the new album comes out, I hope you can get back into bts like you want to do! Im sorry again for what happened with those other army who shunned you. On this blog I will never make someone feel bad for enjoying exo or any other kpop group out there. 

Thank you for stopping by and asking me this question. It was really nice revisiting why i love bts as much as i do and reminding myself of all they have done for me!

[gamingofkenna]

Update from Kenna

Instead of a professionally-written update like I should be doing, this is just going to be sort of a stream of consciousness, stuff that’s been on my mind kinda deal (don’t worry, there’s a tl;dr).

1. I will not be participating in IFComp this year

I’m kinda bummed about this, to be honest, but I made an executive decision that forcing myself to bang something half-baked out on a time limit is not what I want my IFComp participation to be like.

I did small-ish Twine projects for IFComp the last two years and they were super fun, but I only gave myself a few months to work on last year’s, and it really showed. I’ve been writing even less this year, and even when i try to make myself sit down and work on a project I barely get anywhere.

I have a concept and a rough outline for the Twine project I intended to submit this year, and it deals with some of my favorite topics (nonbinary genders, and ghosts) so I really don’t want it to be slapped together last minute. With any luck, I’ll be able to deal with my mental blocks (and real life distractions) in order to commit the time for this project to submit to IFComp 2020.

2. I want to start blogging about tabletop RPGs

I’ve talked about this a bit on my personal blog, but I have a growing fascination for tabletop RPGs, specifically non-D&D games. (Don’t get me wrong, D&D is super fun, but many people treat it as the only tabletop RPG, and then try to fix things about that game they don’t enjoy; there are many other games out there that would fit different players’ needs better, if they’d give them a chance.)

My main issue, when it comes to tabletop RPGs, is having friends who are willing to try new games out with me (just getting a D&D group together was exhausting). For that reason, I’m starting to look more seriously at the idea of Solo Gaming - that is taking a game meant for a multiplayer group, and running the player/GM roles yourself.

In my mind, this is essentially a guided storytelling prompt, and storytelling is what I love most about gaming anyways. You definitely miss out on a lot without the collaborative nature of these storytelling games, but perhaps running these solo games will help me get my creative juices flowing some more? At the very least, they’ll let me practice with some new games until I can get more players.

That all being said, sitting alone in my room and taking notes while I play a game by myself, with characters no one else will ever know, sounds a little lonely. So... I figured I should share my games.

My current plan is this: whenever I play a solo session, I’ll take notes on what mechanically happened, and how the story progressed during the session. Then, I’ll come here and write out the fictional story of the session; fleshing out the characters, exploring their motivations, the whole works. Those fictional posts will also be accompanied by reviews of the games and my thoughts on the mechanics, where applicable. That way, I’m managing to play these new games, write more fiction, and use this blog for something other than just reblogging Zelda fanart.

Which leads me to my third point...

3. I’m planning on starting a portfolio site

This is something I’ve been thinking about for years, but I haven’t gotten around to, because what I want to show off on a portfolio site changes every few years. I’ll admit, I’m finicky and go through phases of creative outlets. I’ve known storytelling through gaming was something I wanted to seriously explore for a while, but I wasn’t sure how best to approach it.

While thinking about these solo game fiction+review pieces I wanted to write, it became clear to me that the best way to publish these online would be through a personal blog run on my own website (not a tumblr cluttered with other things, or a myblog.weebly or whatever).

I’m not going to make this site immediately, because I still need some time to build it, and I’d like to have some blog content to post there immediately. That’s why I’m planning to start my tabletop blogging on this tumblr; once my portfolio site and blog are up, I’ll transition my polished stuff over there (and this tumblr can remain it’s usual cluttered mess).

TL;DR - I’m not participating in IFComp this year due to how little I’ve been writing. I am planning to start writing fiction pieces based on tabletop RPGs I solo play in my free time, which will be posted here along with reviews of the game systems, until I transition into my own portfolio website and blog.

[california-grethan]

Under False Pretenses - Hidden Identity // {G. Dolan}

Description: As a fangirl, there was nothing that hurt more than knowing you might not ever meet those you idolize. That was probably the most difficult aspect of the entire thing: nights were often spent wishing that you could be in their life, having the ability to text or call them whenever. But, no. The harsh reality was that they didn’t know of your existence, yet you continued to fangirl and support them on a website that they don't even visit. Why? Well, they were your happiness. There was also nothing that you loved more than being able to escape to this website, bonding with others that felt the same way as you. It was your happy place, your safe haven; the one place that you could shamelessly showcase your love for the two boys that made you happy. 

Warning(s): there’s really nothing I can think of🙃

Requested: [yeahhh] // [nopeee]

Word Count: [2,514]

masterlist // blurb nights // come talk to me!

His P.O.V

I’m stuck in bed, sick with a ridiculously high fever. I feel absolutely miserable, and it’s made worse by the fact that we have to skip a Tuesday because I’m too sick to film. I hated this entire situation. I hated being sick. I hated being stuck in bed. But most importantly, I hated letting our fans down. I couldn’t help but feel like it; they were our entire world. Ethan and I would be nothing without them; they’re responsible for the successes that we’ve been blessed with.

I wish I could talk to each and every single one of them, so I could tell them how much they mean to me. It was hard, though. There were so many of them and they were all over the world. Social media made connecting with them feasible, but it was hard to be able to give them all the recognition they deserve.

They were all such incredible people who continue to blow my mind every single day. So many of them were such creative human beings: making edits, drawing incredible portraits of us, writing about us. Our fans were definitely the best and I hoped, everyday, that every single one of them knew it.

I was cocooned in blanket, shivering despite the fact that I was emitting so much heat. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself as I blew my nose, adding yet another tissue to the massive pile on the floor next to my bed. Hearing the sound of my door creak open, I turn my head to the door, waiting for Ethan to come into the room.

He gave me a pitying smile, “Hey, bro. How’re you feeling?’

I coughed, groaning because it hurt. “Like absolute shit, but I’d feel better if you cuddled with me,” I mumbled jokingly.

Ethan stayed standing by the door, no doubt wanting to stay away so he wouldn’t catch what I was sick with. He grimaced at my words, “Bro, what?”

Giving him a shit-eating grin, I repeated myself, “I feel like absolute shit, but I’d feel better if you cuddled with me.”

He rolled his eyes at me, “Dude, whatever. Listen, I’m gonna head out for a little bit because Bryant wants to get the shoot with the Ducati done. Is that good? Or do you seriously need me to stay home with you?”

I shook my head. “No, go ahead. I’ll be fine. I’ll probably just stay in bed all day,” I managed to get out, my voice sounding hoarse.

“Alright, do you want me to pick up any food on my way home?”

“Could you buy some soup? Oh, and medicine. We don’t have any.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later. Remember to keep hydrated.” He shut the door behind him, leaving me in the quiet of my room. I turned back to the TV, grimacing because of how loud it was. I reached for the remote, turning it down as it did nothing to soothe my pounding headache.

I sighed dejectedly, not knowing what to do with myself. Grabbing my phone and unplugging it from its charger, I unlock it. I turned the brightness all the way down, the screen far too bright for my liking. Mindlessly scrolling through social media, I like and retweet posts I stumble upon. Social media was a goddamn black hole, one post leads me to another and before I know it, I’m looking through Tumblr, reading fanfiction about Ethan and I.

Whenever I found myself on this app, I end up going through blogs for hours. Every single fan that ran a blog was so dedicated; it was absolutely mind-blowing. This time, a certain blog catches my eye because of a post that was written about me, more specifically, about my laugh.

---

I want you to close your eyes for a second and do me one favor. I want you to imagine the most wonderful sound that you can think of: a favorite song, the sound of the waves crashing against the ocean, the crunch of fallen leaves as you walk on them, it can be anything.

…

God. His laugh was truly mellifluous. It was the best sound I’ve had the pleasure to hear, both through a speaker and in real life. It was simply angelic, which made sense because he was an angel sent from above, I was sure of it.

There was so much about it that I absolutely adored; it wasn’t just the sound itself, but rather everything associated with it: from the way his face would scrunch up as he did so, to the way his arms would curl into his body during the process.

…

His laughter was infectious. I couldn’t help but to giggle to myself whenever the sound floated through the air. It was one of those sounds that had the power to make a person happy because it was laced with happiness. What person can’t help but to be happy in the presence of happiness?

…

His eyes were the first to indicate that laughter was about to come. There would be a light in them that screamed excitement. Then, the apples of cheeks became more prominent as his lips curled into a giant grin, his rows of perfect white teeth showing. Lastly, he would throw his head back: this was the best sight because it indicated that it was a genuine laugh. But there was nothing that made me smile even wider than when the sound died out, quickly becoming a wheeze rather than a laugh. This told me truly how funny or entertaining he had found whatever it was that had him laughing.

With that said, was the sound you were thinking of at the beginning still the best sound? Or have I managed to convince you otherwise?

---

I couldn’t help but to simply stare at the screen of my phone when I finished reading. Astounded by the fact that someone could write something so beautiful about my laugh. There was nothing remotely special about it, but whoever wrote it made it sound as if there was. Intrigued by their writing, I click on their blog, trying to learn more about them.

It didn’t take me long to find out that the owner of the blog was a girl. Y/N. After reading other things that she’s posted, her talent for writing was so obvious to me. It was mind blowing. I scroll further down her blog, laughing periodically at some of the things she’s posted. She intrigued me, whoever she was. There was just something about her that made me want to find out more.

Without thinking twice, I click on the button that says “Come Talk to Me:)” and begin typing.

Hi! I just found your blog and I wanted to tell you that everything you’ve written is incredible!

- B. D.💜

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I let my bag drop from my hand, hitting the floor with a ‘thud’. I was absolutely exhausted, my classes for the day sucking up all my energy. Groaning, I collapse onto my bed, hissing in pain when I realize I landed on my laptop.

“Ah, shit. Please don’t be be broken,” I beg, speaking to the inanimate object as if it had a say in whether or not my weight caused it damaged.

I flip over to the other side of my bed, allowing me to grab my laptop from underneath me. Setting it on my lap, I scan it for any possible damage, letting out a breath of relief when I saw that it was perfectly fine.

“Oh, thank God,” I mumble to myself.

Since I already had my laptop out, I decide to log into Tumblr. I immediately smile when the twins pop up on my dash. Scrolling through, I like and reblog posts of the blogs I followed. This was my getaway. No matter how stressed out or tired I was, this website seemed to be able to make me feel better instantly. I don’t know exactly what it was. Maybe it was that when I’m on here, I’m surrounded by others that share my love for the boys. Maybe because it provided me with a creative outlet, a place that gave me the opportunity to share my writing. Or maybe, it was because it was the one place that I never felt judged; everyone in the fandom is so kind and welcoming that I always felt loved, even if none of us had never met.

My eyes lit up when I saw a little ‘1’ pop up next to the icon for my ask box. Clicking on it, I see that someone left an anonymous ask. A smile found its way onto my face as I read it.

Hi! I just found your blog and I wanted to tell you that everything you’ve written is incredible!

- B. D.💜

My heart swelled at the kind words. I clicked onto the ask, quickly typing out a response.

Hey lovely! Thank you so much for taking the time for reading my work and dropping by my asks! Hope you have a great day☺️

I run my blog and write because it makes me happy. I love being part of a fandom and forming friendships with people that share my interests. I choose to write because it’s something that I enjoy and it’s a creative outlet for me. I don’t post anything on my blog with the hopes that I get recognition, it’s simply a bonus of it all. To know that others find enjoyment in the content I create means the world to me and makes me want to share even more of my writing. To others, this entire thing may seem ridiculous, but to me, it’s my one true source of happiness.

I reposition myself on my bed, trying to find a more comfortable way to sit. I click onto a new tab, opening Google Docs and trying to start a new piece so I can finally get something posted. For far too long, I stare at the blank document, the blinking cursor taunting me. Every time I start to write something, I end up hating it, rushing to delete everything I’ve managed to type. My eyebrows furrowed, growing frustrated at the lack of progress that I’ve made so far.

Just as I’m about to admit defeat for the day, an idea immediately pops into my head. I start to type furiously, terrified that my inspiration would leave me. A smile plays on my lips as I add more and more words to the document, falling into a comfortable groove.

I sit back when I finally finish, happy with what I’ve written. Scrolling to the very top of the page, I start reading, looking for mistakes I’ve made and parts that were awkward and needed to be changed. It probably took me longer to edit and revise than it took me to actually write the piece, but it was worth it. There was nothing that brought me more satisfaction than finishing what I’ve written and knowing that I made it the best I possibly could. Knowing that if I spend anymore time criticizing my writing, it would never get posted, I don’t give it anymore thought and post on my blog.

Logging off Tumblr, I shut the lid of my laptop and climb off my bed. I stretch, trying to gain feeling in my limbs before I make my way downstairs to the kitchen in search for some food.

His P.O.V

I look over to my nightstand when I hear my phone vibrate. Groaning, I lean over to pick it up, wanting to see what notification popped up this time. A smile formed on my lips when I saw that it was from the Tumblr app. I couldn’t help but get a little excited when I read that she had posted something new. I click onto the notification, bringing up her newest post.

---

The bright rays of sunlight made their way past the curtains, interrupting your deep slumber. While stretching your arms above your head, you look to your right, your vision only to be met with a gorgeous boy, his skin still retaining its sun-kissed color despite it already being a month into autumn.

You turned your body over, trying your best not to wake the piece of art that rested at your side. your eyes raked down his sleeping figure, admiring the beauty of the human that you were blessed to call yours.

…

His face was calm, peaceful, and younger. Making it seem as if sleep was his only true getaway from the stress of his life. It allowed him to leave everything behind, to forget everything that he had to get done, although it was only for a few hours.

His bleached hair became frizzy in his slumber and was pointing every which way, enticing you to run your fingers through the gorgeous locks. But you resisted once again, not wanting to disturb his peaceful sleep.

The sunlight shifted, now hitting the sleeping figure next to you. The golden glow highlighted his tanned skin, making him look even more like an angel, like God’s gift to this earth.

…

His body turned to face you, his eyes were fully open, his hazel orbs were bright, the sunlight that was hitting him highlighting the greenness of them. His lips contorted to a sleepy smile, making your heart swell even more at the man.

You brought your left hand up to grasp the side of his face gently, your palm coming in contact with the rough scruff that he had managed to grow in the past two weeks due to his laziness to shave. A small smile rested on your face as you caressed his gorgeous face.

He leaned into your grasp as he laughed at your words, his laugh even more magical than his morning voice. “I would do the same thing if I were to wake up before you, just stare and admire at the beauty that I get to call my girlfriend,” his voice was just a whisper, making his words sound like a secret that could only be said between the two of you.

…

“Ok, fine, only because you’re cute.” His chest was pressed up against your back, his hand resting on your slim waist, and his arm stretched above your head to reach for the spice. His long, nimble fingers wrapped around the container and he backed away from your body. You turned to face him, staring at his muscular physique, taking in the angelic figure that you were lucky enough to call your boyfriend.

---

I was amazed yet again. I couldn’t comprehend how someone strings words along the way she did. Hell, I can barely speak the language sometimes. Without thinking twice, I find myself in her asks again, but I stop myself. Nervously, I decide to ditch the idea of leaving her another anonymous ask, messaging her directly instead.

Hey, I’m Bailey...

A/N: I wanna say a big thank you to @tidsoptlmist, @spiffydolan @sunflower-dolans, @graysearring, @spongebobrose, @damndolanz, and @maryneedsadamntish for letting me bother them and have them give me feedback! This is a series that I’m very excited to be writing and I hope you guys enjoy it! 

[spnbaby-67]

One More Day Final Chapter

A/N: Ok so I did a thing, I went ahead and finished this series today. I dunno something kept telling me to write till I couldn’t no more and with that I went with it. I have been going thru some dark stuff the last couple of days, and it’s been hard to even want to wake up and go to work to do every day things. I was off today and decided to write this because I don’t know what the rest of my week is going to be like. As usual, all mistakes are mine. I am not a great writer and I don’t know certain things about writing, but I’m trying. Thank you so much for the amazing comments on chapters one and two. You inspired me to keep writing. Please don’t copy and paste this on other sites and claim them as yours, Its taken me Six months to get back into writing and I so need it right now with my life as crappy as it is. But likes, comments and re-blogs are always welcome. This is fiction not real, . Head the warnings. Please don’t read if anything triggers you, a box of Kleenex is needed. TRUST ME, 

Pairing Dean Winchester and Reader, Cas mentioned. 

Song: One More Day by Diamond Rio

Warnings: Very SAD chapter, Dean vulnerable, Sad Dean, Reader is with Family, Daddy!Dean!

“Mommie!” Both the twins came running to you once they saw you, “You came, you came.” Kamryn hugged her immediately.

You looked down at them after Dean let go of you for a moment, so the kids could see you. “Of course baby, I did. I wanted to see you Queen Elsa and Prince Charming.” She rolled her hand a couple of times while taking a bow.

Dean stood there watching you with them, remembering how you always were listening to their conversation and understanding every word Charlie was saying. He was amazed at how well you connected with them after all this time of being gone, or were you ever really gone? Just that thought alone, made his heart began to pound hard in his chest, his breath caught in his throat that made him feet slightly dizzy and light headed the more he tried to focus on you. Hearing you and seeing you, as if you have been here the whole time, he couldn't grasp that  the fact you were standing right in front of him. You looked up from the twins in time to see him and the emotional state he was in,

“D? Baby, you ok?” You took your hands and placed them on either side of his face, to let him know you were there. “Dean, come on baby look at me.” You tried your best to get him to look at you.

Tears fell down his face, his bottom lip quivered a couple of times as he tried to focus. “How? How Is this really real? I watched you die Y/N, I felt your last breath. How can this be real that I can feel you, touch you, hug you even.” His eyes danced over you with tears built in them refusing to drop.

You smiled at him as you cupped his face, the warmth that flowed through him was answers enough, but you told him anyways. “You need closure Dean, Chuck has listened to you pray when you think no one else is listening. He has heard you talk about how you wish you had one more day to be with me, to talk to me, to feel my arms around you to make you feel safe. But you knew that already, you know that I am there every night with you when you put the kids to bed, saying their prayers or brushing their teeth. And don’t think  I didn’t see that food fight this morning with the pancake batter. Just because I am not there physically, I see what’s going on.” You winked at him, then took your thumbs and gently rubbed the tears away. “It’s ok, I know you have your moments with the twins, and I’m so thankful for you to be protecting them and not taking them on hunts. Giving them the apple pie life you never had, is the single most amazing prayers that had been answered for me. Your doing a damn good job Dean, look at them.” You paused a moment to turn to see them playing with the sand. “They are happy, healthy and loving children that you and I created out of love. There have so much heart in them that you taught them. I am so proud of you Dean.” You touched your forehead to his to hold him a moment so he could collect his thoughts.

He sniffled a bit, “D-does this mean your coming home with me?” without moving his body or his head from the position you two were in, he looked at you with his eyes hoping the answer would be what he was hoping for.

You placed your hands on either side of his neck and let your fingers run through the short hairs in the back. You missed doing that, it was always the most favorite part of holding him close to you to do. “Dean,” you paused, he broke away from you turning his back on you. Yeah it hurt when he did that, but you knew he did that when he wasn’t expecting a happy ending.

“It’s ok Y/N, I understand. How much time do we have with you?” He slightly turned to face you.

You smiled, seeing those beautiful green eyes again after a long time, made you melt all over again like you did the first time you met him. You took his hand, pulled him closer to you and walked with him to sit down on the park bench to watch the twins. “One more day, one more time, one more sunset maybe I’d be satisfied. But then again, I know what it would do. Leave me wishing still for one more day with you.” You sang the song to him, letting him feel your body close to him. Giving him the closeness he needed. “I love you Dean Winchester, don’t you ever forget that. I’m always there, just call.” You held him in your arms for as long as you could, with the twins coming up to join you. You stayed there talking with them holding them, most importantly, giving them closure they needed too.

When the last ray of sunshine disappeared, you hear the flutter of angel wings behind you. You knew it was time to go, but Dean held you tight in his arms with his face buried in your neck, hoping this would never end. “I love you Y/N,” You knew he meant it, because saying I love you is the single most hardest thing for Dean to say.

You kissed his soft lips, then placed your right hand on his cheek.  “I love you to Dean.” You then dropped your hand from him, to place it in Cas’s hand. Only one more thing to do before you left. You kissed the twins, and gave them one more smile before the two of you faded into the starry night sky.

*** Author’s Note:***

We all wish we can have that one more day, that one more time to be with the ones that left us behind. To have closure is the important part of someone passing away suddenly that you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, or to tell them the things you always wanted to. One more day is a very tough song for me to listen to because I lost my mom when I was 32 back in 1999, I never got the closure I needed or questions answered as to why she had to leave me. Although I did get to tell her I love her when I held her in my arms taking that final breath. It’s still hard every day to see people with there moms and wonder how things would be now if she was still here with me. I have made mistakes in my life that I wish I could change, I’d start with saying more I love you’s to my mom and letting her truly know how I felt about her and how much I am thankful for her to raise me single handedly through the tough times we faced while growing up and with an abusive dad and family. There were times I wanted to give up and there is still times I do want to. But through writing, I have found my outlet to let things go. Supernatural means the world to me, the boys have taught me that even if I don’t have a mom, I have family. Supernatural family. We understand each other, and we know what the show means to each and every single one of us. Thank you for coming into my life, and showing me that there is people out there that can mean more to me than family. I miss my mom every single day, I wish I had One More Day to spend with her. Thank you for reading, don't wait to say I love you, say it everyday.

@secretlyfurrydragon @writersaredreamers​, @waywardnerd67, @nanie5, @iwantthedean, @impalaimagining,, @stunudo, @suchandra10,   @squirrelnotsam @pariskitty18 @jen-20307 @pamela-winchester@babypieandwhiskey @horselover2016 @impalackless @haceleyespercussiongirl2017 @blacktithe7 @aubreystilinski @alliekay727deangirl7695 @iliketowrite02 @cherrycokegirls1 @spnluver67@wonderfulworldofwinchester @just-another-busy-fangirl @albmedlin @squirrelnotsam

[bookoutletstaff-blog]

We Survived The 2018 Box Sale!

Every year the Book Outlet Store Box Sale gets bigger and bigger, and this year was no exception! Those dedicated customers that joined us between March 15th and 17th can attest to the astounding number of eager book-lovers waiting in line before we opened, and the skill with which people scoped the tables and filled up their boxes! There was some truly incredible bargain shopping going on in our back warehouse, and everyone who braved the crowds are absolute champions!! Three big Book Outlet cheers for the customers who survived Box Sale 2018!!! :D 

2018 was by FAR our highest-traffic year for the Box Sale, which we’re sure anyone would agree with if they were part of our crazy Day 1 line up!! The lines were long and the waiting was tense as people itched to get their chance to check out the book selection, but with the help of some read-iculously chipper staff members keeping the line-ups entertained, everyone had a great time! Based off of last year’s increase of Box Sale attendees, we made some changes this year including a new cash line-up system, signs over the tables, a better buggy system, and overall more square-footage for books! All of these changes helped to keep the crowds moving smoothly and much appreciation was shared with us throughout the sale!  

Being a part of the extensive behind-the-scenes preparation for such a massive sale really makes the whole experience that much more rewarding. It takes 2-3 months to prepare the Box Sale space, so a lot of love and hard work goes into making it a great experience for our customers. Since it only happens once a year, we really put our hearts into every detail to ensure that things run as smoothly as possible, so it is really breathtaking to see everything fall into place amidst the organized chaos of so many book-lovers gathering in one place. If anything can be said for this sale, it is that the power of the printed word lives on! Surely books aren't a dying art if THAT many people rush to our doors before they've even had their coffee!!  

As Store Manager, I would like to give a HUGE thank you to all of the staff that worked during the sale this year, as it would not have been possible without their extraordinary efforts!! They managed to stay calm amidst the massive crowds and remain friendly, energetic, and smiling throughout the entirety of the sale! I have nothing but the sincerest gratitude for the incredible work that they all do!!! 

I would also like to thank Princess Belle from Glitter and Grit for making Day 2 of the Box Sale so magical. We all know Belle loves books as much as us, so I’m glad she could join us for an enchanting morning!  

Lastly, we would like to extend a BIG Book Outlet thank you from all of us here to YOU, our wonderful customers!! You made 2018 the best Box Sale yet!! It is really heart-warming to see such an intense love of literature in such an astounding number of people! Readers from all ages joined us in the frantic rush to fill a box for $35, and we LOVE hearing about all the great titles you found! If you had fun this year and want to share your stories with us, or maybe you've totaled up all the retail prices of the books you got and want to share how much you saved (literally our favourite thing to do after a Box Sale), then please share with us on our blog or Facebook page! We love hearing your stories!  

Hope to see you next year for another record-breaking Book Outlet Store Box Sale!  

- Samara Bissonnette

Book Outlet Store Manager

[thekingcon]

Hear No Evil, See No Evil

… “Speak no evil,” the tail end of the phrase leaks from the mumbling mouth of Daniel’s mother, and catches on his impressionable ears. He ponders the words for a moment but his attention is primarily darting from product to product of the wonderful new place he finds himself in. A great big store of some sort, packed to the brim with strange and wonderful products, colorful breakfast cereals, and twelve different and unique types of milk to go with them, hundreds upon hundreds of packages filled with foods and tools and the occasional toy attached haphazardly to the side of a shelf with a little plastic clip. Daniel had never seen a supermarket before, and to him it was a new world. One could say his upbringing had been a bit sheltered. And that’s when he saw her. A young girl, his age or no older, sprawled across a mountain of cans as she played dead in an overly dramatic fashion. Her clothes were littered with stains of reds and blues and pinks and more colors than Daniel had seen even on the shelves of the great big store they were in. Tomato sauce trickled from her mouth down her cheek and dribbled slowly off the small cleft of her chin, like blood from her mouth, which had been left agape to signify no words were left in her mangled corpse. She twitched occasionally and made various guttural groans. This sight left Daniel quite obviously bewildered. As if completely unfazed by this bizarre sight, Daniel watched as his mother reached up and grabbed a can from just below the strange girl’s head, which then hit the next can in the pile with an audible clunk. His mother moved to the dairy isle. Just then, the girl leapt up and off the tower of canisters and began running around with her arms spread wide like wings, shooting puffs of air from her mouth like harmless bullets that struck down her foes. She danced from consumer to consumer, mocking their fat jowls or short dresses, tugging at sleeves and being the most remarkable nuisance one could possibly imagine. And yet, no one even blinked in response. Except, of course, for Daniel. When she reached him, now rolling like she was wrapped in a carpet, Daniel began to step away slowly from the girl. The girl stopped in her tracks, her back facing Daniel now as she reached the spot he had once occupied. Daniel stopped too, watching cautiously to see what her next move was. Ever so slowly, the girl twisted herself around to face Daniel, still sprawled across the floor with her eyes wide and set on the young boy. “You can see me?” Her voice was quiet and gentle, quite unlike the plethora of sounds she had been throwing at people before her realization that Daniel had eyes. She had a slight British tinge to her voice, and Daniel took note of the golden locks of hair that were not drenched in various store-bought liquids. She was actually quite pretty. “You can see me!” She began shouting now, her eyes wide and wet and blue like the ocean. She leapt up once again and tackled Daniel to the floor, hugging him and rolling around as they impacted the ground. “My name is Elizabeth! I’m twelve years old and I have a fear of crickets but I love Grasshoppers, and I’ve lived in this store for as long as I can remember but no one has seen me, and I love tomato sauce and pasta but I can only eat it when they put it out on the little taste test carts because I have no one to cook for me, so I usually just eat the tomato sauces straight from the can and today I saw it around my mouth and I thought it was a great opportunity for some theatre, I love theatre too but I’ve never had an audience, imagine never having an audience…” She went on for quite some time. Daniel simply looked up at her, occasionally grimacing as drops of sauce dribbled onto his face, but otherwise listening contently. “I thought I was mad.” Daniel noted the dripping wasn’t sauce anymore. Tears began to fall from her cheeks to his as he began to get over his astonishment and actually feel sympathy for the girl. He held her while she cried and that was how it all started.

Every Tuesday, whenever his mother went shopping, Daniel would insist that he came with her on her shopping trips. He would slip away to Elizabeth’s fortress of tomato sauce cans and his mother would continue on, never noticing his absence. The two youths became fast friends. Daniel was quiet, but he could listen to Elizabeth talk for hours without getting bored. She would always listen when he really needed to talk. She was good at telling when he really needed to talk. Probably because she had spent so much time being forced to just watch and listen. Daniel wanted to help. And so, Daniel would bring her things. Elizabeth was always too scared to leave the store, but with a great deal of convincing and many gifts which told tales of more exciting worlds that lie just beyond the shelves and sliding glass doors, she eventually began to broaden her horizons. Daniel held her hand for every step she took.

Slowly but steadily, Daniel’s parents began to stop noticing his absence. They would give him less and less warnings, and often not even stop to take note of Daniel’s leaving. Daniel considered it a sign that they were finally letting him grow up, letting him taste the outside world they had spent so much time and effort protecting him from. Still, sometimes Daniel remarked at how they would seem to look through him. He talked to Elizabeth. “Hmm. That is an odd occurrence, my dear Watson. Odd indeed, but don’t worry about it too much. We don’t want you to go grey before you’re even a legal adult.” A good point, but it felt like she was trying to dismiss the subject. He persisted. “We only have so much time together each week, can’t we just relax and enjoy ourselves a bit? You worry too much, Danny.” Another good point. Daniel trusted her judgment and dismissed the thought. He liked it when she called him Danny.

Months went by and before he knew it, Daniel was spending more time with Elizabeth than anyone else. His mother and father barely spoke to him anymore, and at one point they even forgot to set his place for dinner. Daniel started setting it himself. But none of that mattered, because Daniel had Elizabeth. Every day he would go to see her, and every day they would talk about all the things that Daniel had ever kept to himself. Nothing was unsaid between them, save for that one small worry that was stuck on Daniels mind like a fly to a wind shield. He kept thinking more and more about his parents. How little they saw him. Elizabeth kept changing the subject whenever it came up. It was always there. But, things were still good.

“No one can see me anymore.” Elizabeth looked down. “You knew this would happen.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “My own parents won’t even think about me. I’m not seen, I’m not heard, I’m not mentioned. It’s like I’ve vanished from existence.” Elizabeth started trembling. She bit her lower lip and shielded her gaze from his face. “I guess I ran out of time, huh?” Daniel waited. Elizabeth grimaced at the silence, but continued regardless. “I’m not here. Not really, I died a long time ago.” Still nothing. “This place is the furthest I got. My farthest boundary, my horizon. I died before I got the chance to go anywhere else, that’s why you…” She didn’t need to say it. Daniel had never been allowed to explore before this. His parents would viciously protect him from anything alien, anything exciting. Before he met Elizabeth, this was the furthest he had gotten as well. His face softened slightly. “… It’ll get better once I’m gone. The more time you spend in my world, the closer you get to it yourself. Right now you’re on the cusp. This is your last chance, Daniel. This is the last time you’ll see me.” Daniel looked at the ground, searching for answers. The cogs in his head were in full swing, tenaciously trying to compute what was happening. These tacky tiles that he had spent so much time with, something familiar in a world of alienation. That which he had craved so fervently, yet seemed so cold and uninviting in his hands. Still, he chose it. Daniel wrapped his arms around Elizabeth’s shaking shoulders. He cradled in his arms the one that he trusted most and in that moment he felt resolute. He wouldn’t let her go. Elizabeth stood in shock. “You idiot, what are you doing? You’ve got everything waiting for you, I’m nothing. Leave me be, I’m a bad omen, an evil, incomplete thing!” He held tighter. “God damn it!” Elizabeth pounded his back and attempted to pry him from herself to no avail. She writhed and reasoned and raged against his affection, but every strike only tightened his embrace. For the first time in her life, Elizabeth was happy that someone saw through her. All that remained was a smile. “Are you sure?” Her voice was just as gentle as the first time. Daniel just nodded into her shoulder, and in that moment, Elizabeth finally felt content. “Thank you. Live your life. You gave me mine.”

And she was gone.

Thanks for reading! This is my first post on this blog which I plan to use as a creative outlet. I wrote this story last semester and it’s my favourite, so I thought I’d share it before starting a bunch of new stories :D . I hope it serves to make someone somewhere happy and possibly broaden a perspective or two.

Good luck and Godspeed, 

Con

[apartyofone]

The answer is...

It’s time for my yearly assignment. 

This milestone is inspired by a politician. Oh FUCK no - not the one who is infesting the Oval Office. He only inspires disgust.

No it was a campaign line uttered by the previous low-bar occupant in the WH - Ronnie Raygun himself. In a debate with the well meaning but inept incumbent Jimmy Carter, RR turned to the audience and asked: “Are you better off today than you were four years ago.” America said a loud and resounding “no” a few months later in the November electoral massacre. Reagan revolution, trickle down bullshit, Iran Contra…..yes, we were MUCH better off with the actor.

But I digress:

For my personal use, I’ve modified this to: “Am I better off today than I was a year ago.”

And the answer is…..complicated.

2017 had amazing highs and resounding lows. We’ll start with the good stuff:

This is the year I went to Paris for the first - but certainly not the last time. And I was able to share it with my children. It was magical. Even a simple Uber drive across the city through this one of a kind city became the stuff of my dreams many weeks later. Yeah, I’m way late to the party on Paris, but most Oregon kids travel west in their youth. How many of my 2.7 readers spent 6 weeks in the outer islands of French Polynesia? 

That was the highest of the highs. A life long dream. And a new direction to be pursued. I’m going to live there - I know a lot of people just say that - but I mean it. The clock is ticking. 4.25 years.

Must learn french. Or find a french maid. Or both. Am taking applications. 

Other travel highs - spending a week in a flat in London for a book show, and returning to my favorite museum on earth - IWM. I’ll be back there soon! Spent time in So Cal with long lost relatives. Was in Portland a few times with my Mom helping her to get established in her new digs. Found an amazing hotel in - of all places - St. Louis that merits a return trip or 6. 

Another high was a low - in terms of my weight. I lost a ton of it. On my March birthday I weighed just about the same as when I graduated from college. It took a huge amount of work - thank you Nutrisystems. I knew I could do it. And I know I can do it again. Sigh. More about that below.

Other health issues pluses - I found great relief from my chronic asthma with a drug called Nucala. I was able to get off that killer drug Prednisone for the first time in years. (Although that too had side effects - see below.) And with an even better drug just released this month I’m finally on my way to a life of normal breathing. Found a way to get relief from the four broken bones that I walk around with. Lesson learned was that I need to spend time and effort to research on my own. Modern medicine works for those who work at it. 

Career wise this year was an all time high. My self publishing company continues to grow by leaps and bounds. We’re moving into new offices at the beginning of the year. My boss - with whom I have a true love/hate/despise relationship - has mostly gotten out of my way. 

I hosted our brand’s first conference for indie authors in November. Was a huge success and I did a pretty good job with my ‘stand up routine’ as the opening keynote speaker. All told I spoke at 12 book shows around the US and Europe in 2017, including BEA and London Book Fair.

I have a weekly email that goes out to 150K of our author community that allows me a chance to converse and interact. And late in the year we hired a PR firm that’s going to get some of my posts hopefully into Forbe, Inc. and other reputable outlets. 

Financially - I’m finally out of the burden of alimony. Still paying off her crazy credit card debt but almost there. By end of next year I’ll be basically whole from the divorce. Can’t get those lost years back but…. How much do flats cost in Paris?

On the family front: At year’s end both my kids are doing well. S is entering her last year at Temple and thriving. C has been through a rough year in his transition, living with X and the hillbilly drunk ex cop. But as related a few days ago he’s moved in with me and so things are ending on a high note. 

My Mom’s doing well in her transition from southern Oregon to Portland. My brother remains an asshat so status quo.

Let’s see what else is good: The Eagles don’t suck. Oregon is on its way back even after its brand new coach deserted the squad for FSU. 

I met some new and interesting people late in the year. Lots of first dates with people who chose not to send me recent/real photos of themselves. Sigh. Others were more truthful. More to come of that I hope.

And finally - I learned the joys of Suis Vide cooking. I’ll never just grill again.

And one more huge positive must be noted. Addition by subtraction. I parted ways with D in the middle of the year. I just found an old draft of a post that I started back last summer but never completed and posted. It’s a few entries down for context.

We had a mostly very fun 19 month run. We had lots of unique common interests. But that alone couldn’t hide the other major differences we had over a range of issues. Now looking back five months, it was the most significant event of the year - and a change for the better. Sanity has prevailed.

 OK, now to the lows:

If D was addition by subtraction….it can go the other way too. There was subtraction by addition in my career life. I forced out the guy who had inherited my job as Chief Marketing Officer - he was doing a miserable job. So in the middle of this year I had to take over his duties. The result has been about 25% more hours spent either at the office or working from home.

My quality of life suffered terribly through the summer and fall. Most of these 2.7 readers know that biking around Bucks County and the Delaware Canal has been a yearly passion of mine. I’d take 20-25 trips out a summer at minimum.

My biking trips in 2017: 0

I either didn’t have the time or energy. It probably didn’t help that D bought me a brand new bike for my birthday and looking at it was a buzzkill. I think I’m going to sell it off and start fresh.

Another reason for my lack of bike rides was all the progress I made on my asthma. Yes, it’s good that I don’t have to depend on the drug to allow me to breathe. But it also masked something else all these years - an incredibly painful arthritis condition that I wasn’t aware of. It made the simple act of going up/down stairs a torture. I’m getting a bit of relief now but that’s going to be my focus on 2018.

And that weight I lost early in 2017? Yeah, most of it’s back. I’ll get back into the routine that gave me success early last year and I’ll be back down in a couple of months. Cross fingers and hold the croissants. 

My son C scuffled the entire year. Yes, he’s with me now and on the upswing. But wondering just what in the fuck was going on in his head for the first 9 months of it was a real mental anchor. As to his future? It’s a priority for me to help him - not lead, direct, dictate of course. I can give him options. He has to pull  himself along; my days of pushing are over.

Let’s see, what else sucked about 2017. My decrepit cat is still alive. 

Oh yeah, Trump. He is every bit the man I thought he would be. FUCKING. TOLD. YOU. SO. DEPLORABLES! I spent the first three months of this year in a dark cloud - the posts on this blog reflect it. My creativity was sapped. I couldn’t write/think/say anything without that idiot on my mind. And the damage he is causing this country by the hour is almost more than I can bear to think about. I’m not over it - I’m just looking ahead to 2018 when we can torch the GOP and scrub the stain out of the Oval Office.

Ah, but let’s end on a positive and high note here. 

Am I better off today than I was a year ago?  An unnqualified yes. 

Arrows are up in all the most important ways. Family, if C continues his trajectory. Health, if I keep working at it. Career, if I can find a new marketing guy I trust. And personal life because the four poster iron bed is tightened up and ready. : ) 

[huntershowl-moving]

GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN:

NAME : raine

NICKNAME :  ive been called rainey before? thats about it tho

FACECLAIM : we’ll get there

PRONOUNS :  she/her

HEIGHT : 5′10″

BIRTHDAY : may 25th

AESTHETIC : if i say rain will u kill me

LAST  SONG  YOU  LISTENED  TO :  ghost - acoustic by au/ra

FAVOURITE  MUSE (S)  YOU’VE  WRITTEN : honestly. this bastard child

GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  ACCOUNT :

WHAT  INSPIRED  YOU  TO  TAKE  ON  THIS  MUSE : i’ve had hellhound for about 4 years now – she started off as a D&D character for a sci-fi campaign. back then, there was no ‘hellhound’ - just a girl with a gun and a (very different) twin brother. she was an artificer, ironically, with a knack for tinkering and poisonmaking – still just as hard to get along with though, lol. but, yeah - that campaign died out, then a couple years later my friends and i started a blades in the dark campaign. muse for her did not die out, and i really wanted to play her in something, so she became hellhound – an industrial fantasy sniper with smoking hair and a beastly persona. thing is, we haven’t actually played that campaign in like two months. hellhound muse was banging on the walls SCREAMING – and i had no outlet.         the idea to make a blog for her sorta... floated through my head at one point. but i’ve made an oc blog before. had a multimuse, a while ago, and it got absolutely no traction, so in low spirits i decided never to try to make an oc blog again! just to stick with my canon blog ive had for five years and let that be that. i made a sort of joking sort of self-deprecating post on that blog about making one for hellhound, assuming folks would scroll past it. instead, @waywardsignns​ encouraged me to do it and gave me a list of cool blogs to follow, so i decided to give it one last shot. and here we are! i havent been this happy on an rp blog since the early days of my canon when the community was thriving.

WHAT  ARE  YOUR  FAVOURITE  ASPECTS  OF  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE : i really love playing with mystery and misconceptions. running this blog in a way where i slowly reveal her past as it comes up naturally in threads was a risky decision, because i had no idea if i was gonna be able to really hook people like i wanted to. i didn’t know if i could make them care! but yeah, i really like being able to focus backstory-wise on the other character and have hellhound’s personality stand up on its own without context.         i also just ... i love to play with the rumors, the fear – when muses are scared of her or hate her from the outset because of her reputation (rarely happens but c’est la vie!) that’s my absolute favorite shit. i understand why most muses just treat her like a normal person, but i do wish more people had Opinions and preconceptions on her notoriety upon first interaction.          another thing i really enjoy about her is that despite everything, despite the sheer unholy amount of shit she has been through and inflicted upon people, she still loves easily. if she didn’t? like – if the body pile and the sins that make her lungs feel black had snuffed out that trait, i think hellhound would have skewed FULL evil by now. she’s still clinging to this tiny ember that’s kept alive by her brother, by the ghost that manifests in her subconscious. that provides a really interesting contrast to how hard she pushes people away, because it’s kind of a constant push and pull. it also provides an interesting contrast to her anger. which i’d talk about if i wasn’t already pushing the length of this post lol – just one more thing, though: i don’t know everything about her yet. because she’s a character in an ongoing campaign, there are a lot of parts of her lore that i’m still not even clear on, so it’s really fun to be able to find out about her along with everyone else!

WHAT’S  YOUR  BIGGEST  INSPIRATION  WHEN  IT  COMES  TO  WRITING : i listen to hellhound’s instrumental playlist when i’m writing her a lot. in between threads or campaign sessions, i’ll watch the punisher season 1 or read six of crows – both have characters ( frank castle, obviously, and inej and kaz in soc ) who really resonate with parts of hellhound’s character. for the most part it’s music, though. there are playlists for all the major figures in hellhound’s backstory, all with very different moods. there are three different playlists for hellhound herself. (slaps computer) spotify is Always Open on this bad boy

FAVOURITE  TYPES  OF  THREADS : that’s a great question, i’m not 100% sure yet. like i mentioned previously, i really, really love threads where muses fear or hate hellhound upon meeting her because of her reputation. the public LITERALLY calls her a dog. a beast. so like – when muses share in that, it shows that the mun took the care and time to think about how their character would react to this important lore and it makes me really happy. no loss if they don’t, of course! i’m happy to write with people either way.         i also love threads where hellhound’s actual feelings come up beyond her walls. her repressed anger, her grief, her fear of losing people. i don’t think any of those have actually happened yet because she’s SO guarded but... we will get there. i’ve really been enjoying threads where people annoy the shit out of her, because for some Fucking reason she always ends up developing a soft spot for those folks ( @prphyrik‘s vicente and @nclled​‘s litho come to mind. ) that ends up evolving into enemies to friends and i get so soft when people hate hellhound at first and then warm up to her over time it’s... so good...         threads with muses either very similar to her – violent people, angry people, those who are hell-bent on revenge – are very fun as well. look into that mirror and see yourself motherfukcer

BIGGEST  STRUGGLE  IN  REGARDS  TO  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE : god... hellhound’s always in an INTENSELY UPSET headspace. she hasn’t been happy in like five years. she has pretty severe PTSD. she’s suffered and made people suffer. she’s guarded, violent, and destructively angry all the time, and she can repress in one minute what i have to take like a month to process. it ends up falling into the same issue that method actors face – because she’s a big hyperfixation of mine rn, i’m almost always thinking about her, listening to her music or writing her because i love to do so. i have to immerse myself fully into her mindset in order to play her properly. to an extent it’s cathartic but it’s also a lot to feel this way all the time. i wouldn’t say it’s taking an actual toll in any sense, but it does get kind of exhausting? i gotta remember to force myself to take Breaks sometimes.

tagged by: borrowed from @legendmade tagging: if i’ve mentioned you in this then you’re tagged, but otherwise anyone who hasn’t done it yet!

[kurtwarren54]

Hotel Travel Essentials for Baby to 1 Year Old

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It has taken me 5 months to get to this blog post but I am going to go ahead and blame that on #momlife HA! We have gone on countless trips with Otis from when he was a newborn to 1 year old and I am finally compiling my tips for you for Hotel travel. The best you can do is to be prepared and overpack and then hope for the best! Excited to be sharing all the things I have used and loved and continue to use as we travel with Otis. You can find everything we have used at Walmart. I am excited to be partnering with them because they continue to be an incredible resource for everything baby. They seriously have all the best high end brands and it’s always a go-to for me to shop my diapers and formula with their fast shipping because many times my formula tends to sell out in stores so I always buy it online to stock up. In October, Walmart is celebrating the 20th anniversary of Parents Choice, Walmarts exclusive baby brand. I linked one of my favorite food time hack products below from this brand. It’s a MUST when traveling to hotels and eating out. Hope you enjoy this list! Have loved every single one of these products and still use many of them with my 1+ year old little man. If you have any more favorite, please share in the comments below.

Travel Crib: While this isn’t essential because most hotels will provide a crib, there is something about using a portable crib that you baby is used to. What I love so much about this one is it folds up really small and sets up in seconds. The sides are mesh, breathable and soft and we are still using it to this day with Otis when we travel. We don’t always fly with it if we know the hotel will have a crib or we are visiting family. It does fit in a large suitcase if you decided to bring it for the plane. It’s also small enough that it fits in most hotel bathrooms. This is our trick for giving baby their own room when you aren’t splurging for a larger hotel room. We set up our monitor and usually there are no windows so it’s already nice and dark. 

Non-Wifi Baby Monitor: Specifically for hotel travel, you never know if the wifi will be good or bad. In most cases, the wifi signals are not the best. So we always travel with a non-wifi monitor to ensure we can keep an eye on Otis while he is sleeping. We have loved this one that came on a recommendation of my sister-in-law. It’s super reliable and that is what you want when it comes to a baby monitor.

Swaddle: When Otis was still in a swaddle, we always packed it with us since he was swaddled everytime he slept before he was rolling. It’s an easy thing to forget when your packing so make sure to include it to recreate your baby’s sleep environment on the go. We loved this swaddle since it was a version of what we were using in our bassinet.

Sleep sack: This is another essential that can be easily forgotten to pack along. We use a sleep sack every night for sleep and this also keeps Otis warm enough. I always get a ton of questions on my sleepsacks and what I love about this one is that it’s made of muslin cotton so it’s soft and light weight and not too heavy. This sleepsack comes in heavier fabrics like this for winter and also these swaddled versions for younger babies which we also used.

Travel Sound Machine: I feel like I have gushed about this thing so often but it’s truly that good. We have 2 of them and they are a MUST have for traveling. This portable sound machine has multiple kinds of white noise, ocean noise etc as well as different volume levels. We easily hook it onto the travel crib or lay it on the floor next to the travel crib now that he is older and can grab it. You can easily charge it with a usb cord or wall outlet. It’s small but mighty and by far my favorite travel sound machine. Blake tried to buy a cheaper one at some point and it sucked and he went back to this one. 

Dockatot: This is more of a newborn item but this was a must for hotel travel when Otis was little. Since we used the Snoo at home as our bassinet, the dockatot was amazing for naps at home and traveling. Always ask your doctor about safe baby sleep practices but we used the dockatot in hotels and it was a lifesaver to have a safe place for baby that he was already used to using at home. It also fits inside the bassinet of our stroller so we had a lot of places to use it. I recommend the travel bag too which is super convenient with the travel handles to sling over your shoulder.

playmat: A playmat was something we always stuffed into our suitcase when Otis was a newborn. It’s always great to have your own clean surface for baby to have tummy time or playtime and I always love the skiphop stuff.

Books: Books are a big part of our bedtime routine so we always pack at least 3 with us since they don’t take up too much space in our suitcase. This, this and this are some of our current favorites.

Portable Blackout Window Blinds: I only recently found out these existed but I bought one because there is nothing worse than finding out your hotel (or friends house) doesn’t have black out blinds when your baby is used to sleeping in complete darkness. Epic invention for people traveling with little ones.

Bottles: We used these and these bottles the most with Otis. We always brought multiple with us.

On-the-go drying rack with bottle brush: This thing is amazing. We bring it every time with us and what I love if that the brush folds up inside and the rack is super convenient for either bottles, or breast pump parts.

Formula: I always pack formula on the go so this is especially important while we are traveling. We use this formula and these containers to portion it out on the go in my diaper bag.

Snack cup: We use this snack cup to use while we are traveling and at our destinations. It keeps Otis busy before we get a meal since he has to put his little hands inside to reach for his snacks. It’s easy to put this in our stroller when roaming a hotel property also so we can give him snacks in his stroller.

Pouches: I always have pouches on hand even though Otis feeds himself whole foods. You never know when you will be on the go and having something nutritious to eat quickly is always so helpful. I like the shelf stable pouches since I don’t have to refrigerate them while staying at a hotel.

Yogurt melts: One of Otis’ favorite snacks to keep in our diaper bag at hotels. He now sees this bag and freaks out because he’s so excited for these.

Disposable adhesive placemats: These have come in handy for going out to eat at the hotel restaurants. We used these more when Otis was smaller and just learning to self feed himself. Once he got older we switched to silicone plates that stick to the table. 

Ezpz food mats: This is something we have been using since Otis has been a bit older on the go but it’s a great tool for both at home and travel. What’s great about these silicone plates is that they grip to the table so it makes it harder for Otis to throw the plate off the table. It’s small enough to fit inside my diaper bag which makes its a great option to travel with.

Health Kit: We always travel with our health essentials for Otis. I bring medicines (tylenol, motrin, and benadryl), bandaids, thermometer, cortisone cream, aquaphor, and diaper cream. 

Blowup bathtub: This travel inflatable bathtub is adorable. We got it and what is great is it folds nicely inside your suitcase and it’s just so damn cute. Otis has fun splashing in it! Alot of hotels will supply baby tubs if you ask but this is a great option if they don’t. 

Travel size shampoo and lotion: Lots of hotels will supply baby amenities but I always bring Otis’ travel size toiletries. Babies can have such sensitive skin so I love to keep everything the same as home to make sure his skin is happy. 

Baby carrier: We used this one alot when Otis was a newborn. It really made exploring the property at hotels easier to baby wear Otis and help him take a nap on me (or Blake) while we were still enjoying our day and not stuck in the room. Being hands free is a gamechanger.

Diapers: This goes without saying but you HAVE to stock up on diapers for a hotel trip. I always pack way more than we need to ensure we don’t run out. For the newborn stage we loved these diapers and now we are using a combo of these, these, and then these overnight diapers. 

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This post is sponsored by Walmart. Big thank you for supporting all eat/sleep/wear collabs that help to support my family.

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