#I love making headcanons of characters based on songs that may have no longevity to them staying as headcanons

[captain-amadeus]

Bernadette by IAMX feels like a Eustis song

[silvysartfulness]

The line about tantric meditation in the last chapter made me wonder - what actually is the each of characters level of sexual education/experience? CQL canon naturally only provides very little on that topic..

Warning, this got kind of long.

I have consciously kept my thoughts on these topics rather vague within the story itself, because – as you say – there is very little said in canon about it, and it's one of those topics where people tend to have vastly differing ideas and tastes.

But I can muse a bit about my headcanons in Roadtrip-verse!

Starting with Xue Yang, who is the only character whose sexual activities are mentioned at all in canon:

Of course that could be sheer bravado, but as we know, Xue Yang ”doesn't like to exaggerate when he speaks”, so...

Xue Yang fucks. Pretty much anything and anyone he wants. I hc him as pretty much pan with a gay preference – sex is like candy to him, different sorts of people just variations in flavour. One of those pleasant things you go get when you get cravings. If the other people involved are happy participants, that's nice. If not, it's often even nicer! Pain, receiving or dealing - or both - is a great rush!

Sex is 100% purely physical for him. It feels good. It doesn't mean anything.

I think even with Xiao Xingchen - though he does desire him, madly at times - it's less the sex he misses, more the casual familiar touches, the connection. The sort of bond he's never had with anyone before. Of course he wants Xiao Xingchen! But as long as he has him there, the rest... can wait.

He can be patient, for sweet things...

Then for the daoshi!

There is a lot of myth surrounding those odd, kinky sex-magic obsessed Daoists in ancient Chinese lore! While those practices were certainly not a part of all the Daoist factions (many being downright chaste and puritanical) and the stances on it changed a lot over time, there is still a lot of fun potential to dig into there! The whole concept of Daoist sex magic isn't some new thing invented by modern fandom; it was gossiped about and caricaturized even in ancient times.

At the core of Daoism is the pursuit of the superiority of the natural order, the most original state of the world. That includes things like bodies, and sex, and so they are in their primal form embraced rather than pushed away as something base and embarrassing.

Verse 55 of the Dao De Jing says (exact wording varies a lot depending on translation):

He who is in harmony with the Tao is like a newborn child. Its bones are soft, its muscles are weak, but its grip is powerful. It doesn't know about the union of male and female, yet its penis can stand erect, so intense is its vital power.

The Master's power is like this. He lets all things come and go effortlessly, without desire. He never expects results; thus he is never disappointed. He is never disappointed; thus his spirit never grows old.

Hence my take on that tantric meditation Xiao Xingchen refers to. To achieve that state of arousal without desire, to just exist in that vitality.

Of course there's also the concept (oft-utilized in fandom) of dual cultivation – to let the forces of yin and yang weave together through sex, creating jing energy that can be absorbed to nurture ones cultivation and golden core. That's the other thing Xiao Xingchen blurrily thinks on in that same segment, how within his original cultural framework, that was what sex, that kind of physical union, was about. A means of strengthening spirituality.

Sex with Chengmei turned out to be something very different. In the original sense of Daoist sexual cultivation, it was an important point not to ejaculate, fearing that losing semen equated to losing life force, going against the concept of cultivation aiming for longevity and immortality.

But as it turns out, it feels good to come. Really, really good.

And after everything that's happened, by the time they settle down in Yi City, he has more or less given up on those once-aspirations, of longevity and immortality and spiritual purity. Less stars, more dust, and down here among earthly matters, he embraces this other way sex can work. As nothing but pleasure, the joining with another person, something that gives joy.

And so he is very conflicted in that scene with Song Lan, because now that he has his companionship back, he feels that he should, must hold onto his old ideals, his once legendary cultivation. The purely spiritual. But he is also something very, very human, touch starved, love-starved.

Hopefully he will be able to find a balance in that, going forward. They didn't do too shabby in that little rented, room, after all, so I'm sure he'll find ways to make it work. ♥

And then Song Lan, finally.

While there are certainly elements of sheer mysophobia - the distaste for any kind of uncleanliness - to him, I also hc him as touch-averse for its own sake. Placing him firmly in the ace/grey bracket.

While I hc him as hailing from a different branch of Daoism compared to Xiao Xingchen, there is that same basic understanding of sexual principles – as a vital life-force, it's something valuable that can be used spiritually to strengthen your own energies and cultivation.

The tantric meditation, I can see, was something entirely platonic that he and Xiao Xingchen may have done before. Just meditating into a state of physical arousal, free from desire for sex or climax, as a way of purifying and strengthening energies, like any other kind of meditation.

In my own private headcanons, completely without basis in any canon fact, I envision that he has had a few extremely conservative sexual encounters in his youth, with female fellow daoshi/cultivators, to attempt dual cultivation.

It worked, technically. It wasn't pleasant. The discomfort of such closeness and touch wasn't worth the energies gained.

So he tried it a couple of times, and then decided sex wasn't for him.

And now, suddenly, he's gotten back a Xingchen who – aside from the charming new laughter and endearing mischief – has also become something... Well. Frankly. Very horny.

It's a bit bewildering to deal with.

But he does love him, endlessly. He learned to endure holding hands, to be able to communicate – it was surprisingly easy. A part of him wanting to hold onto him, to make sure he would never lose him again.

He learned to endure holding him close. It was a bit harder, but still – the comfort, affection, being able to tell how much it meant to Xingchen made it worth it. It's still not something he would seek out for his own sake, but something he loves being able to give.

Kisses... Kisses are strange. On the one hand, he loves them, the concreteness of being able to express all the love he feels for Xingchen, so much love that he fears he could burst with it sometimes. On the other, the closeness, the touch... It's overwhelming, even repulsive at times. He struggles with it.

And then this, this territory they appear to be heading into... He has very mixed feelings about it. It's Xingchen, and he loves Xingchen. It's touch, and closeness, and things dirty and he abhors that. Some small, strange part of him seems to want it, even aside from it making Xingchen happy, which is very bewildering. Another wants nothing to do with any of it.

He is very torn. None of this is easy.

And that’s pretty much it, as things stand right now!

This got long. XD

Hopefully most of this comes through in the writing itself. And we are finally approaching the arc where proper sexytimes will actually become part of the story!

Thank you for asking!