#I love how the format of this came out ! It’s meant to sort of look like a face card in a pack of cards

[bartxnhood]

god given solace | B.B

bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: in which bucky realizes just how in love he is with you.

w/c: 1k

a/n: hey guys!! i know you must get tired of me saying the same thing lol but i decided to write again. i have been sooo busy these past few months. trying to navigate adult life with graduation and my new job, plus i had a surgery that knocked me off my feet but i have been ITCHING to write. so, even though this is small, i hope you all enjoy!!!

Copyright © 2025 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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bucky never knew he could love until he met you. all of those sleepless nights, begging, praying to any gods out there just to make them stop. he just wanted peace, no more war, no hydra, no night terrors, and no more fighting.

he wasn’t aware that love is what he so desperately needed. someone to soothe those nightmares, to hold him close and hush him during the worst moments of his life.

but, bucky was convinced he was not capable of being loved. because, who in their right mind would love someone as tortured and damaged as him?

after all, that’s what he was. damaged goods.

but you? god, you were the purest things he had ever seen. you were like an angel that came before him, cascading in white light and warmth every time your gaze lingers on the super soldier.

even now, watching you from the doorway of your shared balcony, bucky finds himself unable to take his eyes off your frame. sometimes, he felt pathetic for the life he harbored for you. trapped in the memory of your first encounter.

relishing in the memories that he looked back on so fondly.

you, the angel, being the only person who could see through bucky. through the “i’m fine” and the “don’t worries” he’d spill, you never put up with his lies.

“you can’t fool me, barnes” you’d say while wrapping your arms around his midsection. bucky sighed as he rubbed his temples, “i know..” there was absolutely no fooling you.

“you can tell me anything, buck..” you pressed a kiss on his shoulder, just above where the metal began.

“does it hurt?”

bucky shakes his head, “no, not right now.”

he’d find himself leaning against the glass door, his eyes trained on your figure as you lean against the metal railing. the skyline of brooklyn in the distance, the moonlight shining on your skin, which only convinced him further into believing you were some sort of angel that was meant for him.

you could do no wrong in his eyes, you could commit a thousand crimes and bucky would still look at you like you hung the moon and stars for him. still, in the end, he felt satisfied knowing that you were his. his to shower with affection, to whisper sweet words in the middle of the night as your bodies lie tangled beneath the sheets of the dark bedroom. not even death could pry you from him.

in the beginning, he tried his hardest not to succumb to his feelings for you. he didn’t want to get attached because attachments always lead to heartbreak, and bucky didn’t know if he could handle another heartbreak.

but you were incredibly persistent, and ultimately it worked.

“i love you..” the words would spill from his lips like honey; the words came so naturally for him, easy as breathing.

the worst left a sweet taste in his mouth.

you turn on your heels just as those words left his lips.

“what?” you laugh, not at him though, but because it was random and very rarely did he. not that he doesn’t love you, but because he doesn’t want the words to lose their meaning.

“i love you,” he repeats as he walks towards you. his hand finds home on your lower back, his fingertips memorizing the texture of your skin that peeked from your sleep shirt.

you smile, hands coming to rest on both of his forearms, and for just a moment, bucky swore he could feel the warmth of your touch against his bionic arm. if he closed his eyes, he could picture it.

“i love you too, james.” you called him every nickname in the book, but sometimes it felt better calling him by his real name. especially in an intimate moment like this.

your brows furrow, his fingers digging into your skin like he’s afraid you’ll slip from his grip. like you’re a figment of his imagination. “what’s wrong..?” you inquire, hands moving from his arms to the base of his neck. fingers entangling with his hair.

bucky shakes his head, “nothing, i just..i just love you s’all”.

you smile, looking into his baby blues that held so much affection when looking at you. like you were the only thing in the universe.

he loved spending his time with you, being in your presence, wrapping his arms around you, and finding peace. no nightmares, no flashbacks, no regrets, just you. just your soothing voice, the stillness of your breathing as you lie next to him. he was so in love with you.

“you are so..beautiful..” bucky found it hard to find a word to describe you. you weren’t just beautiful, you were so much more. you carried this gentleness about you that made him feel at home. home. you were his home.

a smile spreads on your face, a quiet giggle stuck in your throat as you watch his eyes rake over your figure. “bucky..”

“m’serious,” he mumbles. he pulls you closer against his frame, his lips pressing fleeting kisses just below your earlobe.

“you sure you’re okay?” you ask again, your hands still resting at the base of his neck.

“mhm,” he’s still pressing kisses to your flesh, relishing in your signature scent. a gentle reminder that you’re real.

“buck,” your words cut him off, hands finding either side of his face. “cmon..what’s goin on?”

“i don’t say it enough.” he was reluctant to pull away, but he was looking in your eyes again. his hands moved from your lower back to your waist, now. thumbs massaging circles absentmindedly.

you press your lips into a thin smile, tilting your head to the side while your fingers push some hair from his eyes. “oh..bucky..”

“no,” he shakes his head.

“you are my god given solace, y/n. you know that?”

you’re a bit taken aback by his sudden words, your hands pausing their movements. “what?”

“i know it hasn’t been easy to love me, but you’ve been there for me” he’s rambling now, wanting to get his words out while he still has it on his mind. “you’ve shown me love, doll” he presses a kiss to the top of your head, letting it linger for a moment.

“you saved me.”

[mertensia]

” Is this just our secret ? “

Love love looove what these two are plotting this season, I cannot wait to see how it plays out !!

Alt version under the cut !

[atlabeth]

mine forever

request from @nghtwngs

pairing: nikolai lantsov x fem!tidemaker reader

a/n: SO sorry for posting this early and having to delete 💀 i was formatting and didnt realize i was not saving it as a draft lmao. but thank you for sending this in love!!! and PLEASEE send in as much nikolai as you want i miss writing for him so much

wc: 1.4k

warning(s): hurt/comfort. reader is insecure, nikolai is the sweetest as usual

join in on my 3k celebration!!

“You’re avoiding me.” 

Your eyes didn’t move away from the horizon when you heard Nikolai’s voice, though you felt your muscles tense. 

“Clearly not well enough,” you remarked. “Seeing as you found me.” 

“You know I’ll always find you,” Nikolai murmured. “But that means little if you will not talk to me.” 

Of course you were not talking to him. You did not know how to talk to him—not when you so clearly didn’t understand the issue plaguing you. 

All you’d ever known was the life of a Grisha. You were tested when you were young, revealed to be a Tidemaker, and whisked away to the Little Palace, where you’d been honing your abilities ever since. You rebelled against the one thing you knew, joined the side of the Sun Summoner, and now you were in the midst of a war for the very survival of your people. 

There were so few Tidemakers left after the Darkling’s massacre, which meant Alina and Nikolai were counting on you more than ever in their fight to reclaim Ravka. 

But when you needed your powers most, they disappeared. 

You— you just didn’t understand, because it didn’t make sense. You’d spent years studying the Small Science and how to wield it, how to manipulate the water around you no matter how miniscule. 

This was not merzost. You had never tampered with the way of the world, never attempted to bastardize the abilities you’d been granted.

Like called to like. There was a part of you that connected to the water, that allowed you the affinity for all of this.  

You had just… lost it. For no apparent reason. 

“There is nothing to talk about,” you stated simply. The cold of the railing shocked your fingers as you set your hand down, but you welcomed any sort of feeling. 

“Do not be ridiculous,” Nikolai said wryly. He came out onto the balcony and stopped beside you. You could see him looking at you through your peripherals, could feel his intent gaze. “Nobody avoids me unless they have a reason.”

You huffed a bitter laugh. “I certainly have a reason, moi tsarevich.”

“So we’ve gone back to titles?” Nikolai’s lips quirked up. “Shall I start referring to you as Grisha? Tidemaker, even?”

You scoffed. “That would be inaccurate.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “We’ve reached the root of the problem.”

“We hardly did anything,” you said. “Do you talk just to hear the sound of your own voice?”

“I do, as a matter of fact,” Nikolai said. “But you should know your scornful words have no effect when I’m aware of your true feelings.”

“If you are aware of my true feelings, you should know I would like to be left alone.” 

“You want to be left alone because you feel useless without your power,” he said. “Any man worth their salt would not fall to that, and fortunately, I’m worth quite a lot.” 

You finally turned to look at Nikolai, though you could not muster the full force of your anger when you did. He had that slight smile still, the glint in his eyes, and all you could think was that you didn't even deserve this kindness. 

“Because I am,” you said. 

He shook his head. “You are not. Far from useless, actually.” 

“You served in the First Army, didn’t you?” 

“I hardly see how that’s relevant—” 

“Just answer my question.” 

“...Yes,” he said. “I was infantry. The 22nd Regiment.” 

“And if you had lost the ability to shoot a gun, would you be allowed to stay on the front lines?” 

Nikolai shook his head. “I will not participate in hypotheticals to help you feel worse.” 

“Because you know it’s true.” You looked back out at the horizon—the sun was steadily setting. “I have no place here anymore.” 

He said your name with a slight huff. “That is not true.” 

“I’m not Grisha anymore!” you exclaimed as you whirled back to face him. “The only reason I have ever gotten anywhere— the only reason I am here, the only reason I ever met you in the first place— it is all because of my power.” You pulled your jacket tighter around yourself in the wake of a cold wind. The material was noticeably thinner than your kefta, but you could not bring yourself to wear it anymore. “I’m useless now. To— to Ravka, to the Second Army— to you.” 

His brows furrowed. “You are not useless to Ravka— and you could never be useless to me.” You averted your eyes, unable to meet the full weight of his softened gaze, and his frown deepened. “That’s what this is about then? 

“Don’t act like it’s so ridiculous,” you muttered. 

Nikolai had the nerve to laugh, and you glared at him. He held up his hands in defense, but he could not fully bite back his smile. 

“I apologize, lapushka, but I did not even consider that as an option for why you were so upset.” 

Nikolai took your hands in his, hands that had been the key to your power the entire life, that were failing you, and he held them like nothing else in the world mattered. “Do you know how absurd the thought of me not loving you is?” 

You glanced away, but Nikolai gently cupped your chin with a few fingers and tilted you back to meet his eyes. 

“Because it is,” he continued, letting his hand fall back down to grasp yours. “I love you with everything in me. I love you because you are you—not because of your powers. Not because you are Grisha.” 

“Who am I if I am not Grisha?” Your voice came out as little more than a whisper, near a desperate plea. You’d never felt weaker, never felt smaller. The only thing you’d known all your life had been ripped away from you, and you felt as if you’d been shoved into an endless void. 

Nikolai said your name softly as he squeezed your hands. “You are a soldier of great renown. A revolutionary on the right side of history. The most loyal friend someone can have. And lest you somehow manage to forget it, you are the woman I love.”

“You deserve better than—” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “—than some broken, failed Grisha.”

“You are not broken,” Nikolai murmured, and he never looked away from your eyes as he lifted your hand to press a kiss to the back of it. “We are merely on… a different path.” 

“A different path,” you repeated, and you could not help your wry laugh. 

“Yes,” he nodded. “And we will go down every step of it together. Do you understand that?” 

Nikolai fought for everything he had, despite his standing as a Lantsov. He was a soldier on the front lines, he rose through the ranks on the sea under a pseudonym, and now he was clawing his way through useless formalities in order to take back the throne that he deserved. 

And here you were—someone who was given everything because of some power inside you. And now you didn’t even have that. 

It just did not seem right. It did not make sense. For a man as powerful as Nikolai to stick by your side despite such a misgiving. 

“If you don’t, that is alright.” Nikolai shrugged. “I will just have to spend extra time showing you how much I revere your very being.” 

“Nikolai,” you murmured, and his grip on your hands tightened. 

“I cannot pretend to understand what you are going through,” he said. “I cannot lose what you have lost because I’ve never had it in the first place. But I can promise you wholeheartedly that we will figure out what is wrong. Together.” 

“And what if we don’t?” you asked. You couldn’t help it. 

“Then nothing will change,” Nikolai vowed. “Milaya, nothing can tear me away from you, whether you are Grisha or not. Do you understand that?” 

A part of you still could not. Who were you if you were not of use? 

But when you met Nikolai’s eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes that seemed to glow with the sunset, full of softness and admiration and love, you found that you could start to.

You may not have believed in yourself, but Nikolai did. And that had to mean something.  

“I’m beginning to,” you murmured. 

“Good,” he said, and his lips quirked into a smile. “But fear not, milaya. I hold enough love for you inside of me for the both of us in the meantime.” 

[tiramiiswu]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ indomitable

⋆⭒˚. invincible x green lantern!reader ⭒˚.⋆

✦ masterlist || next ✦ imagine: local delinquent girl acts as the one and only green lantern of earth and who just so happens to have a distinct disdain for a certain half-viltrumite she has the displeasure of meeting ✦ pairings: mark grayson x reader ✦ warnings: n/a ✦ a/n: reader is a sort of magical girl inspired green lantern in the sense that i keep picturing her hero costume to be reminiscent of the pretty guardian sailor moon sailor senshi outfits, specifically sailor jupiter’s since she’s already green. her personality is bit of a mix of makoto kino from pgsm and kyoko sakura from puella magi madoka magica when it comes to inspiration because i love my bastard daughter, but i think it definitely evolved in a way that doesnt really align with that as well anymore ✦ originally this was meant to be longer but im not super used to the like? headcanons bulleted list style of formatting this imagine is in and i tend to like ramble and get off my initial thought so hopefully this cut version is readable enough, i might make multiple parts to this just to get some of my other headcanons out because i did really like some of the extra ones i just didn’t think they fit that well with the main ones (i also just want to write about gl!reader and her beloved punching bag ^^;; )

edit: I FORGOT THE OTHER HALF OF MY DRAFT FUCK.

✦ mark grayson was a fucking loser

✦ that was something you were sure of

✦ he’s some stupid dweeb with a dorky interest like seance dog who’s not even worth looking at over the gum stuck to your shoe

✦ you’ve known him since you were kids, when he was an annoying little boy with a gap in his teeth

✦ your parents trying to set up playdates with him and his family after moving into the neighborhood some time before you developed your powers

✦ before everything went to shit

✦ at twelve you were sought out by the green lantern’s ring, unsure as to why it chose you or how you were considered worthy

✦ maybe it was due to your childish belief that evil could be thwarted by the power of love and justice, like the pretty guardians and magical girls in the boxsets your mother let you read with her and the old vhs tapes you watched sitting in her lap growing up

✦ maybe it was your stubborn resolve when it came to protecting your friends on the schoolyard from snotty little boys who tried to pick on them (you were sent to the principal’s office due to your quick response to slug your tiny little fists at some stupid brat’s mouth enough to be on a first name basis with them, much to your father’s dismay)

✦ whatever it was, you were over the moon with your newfound abilities

✦ through sheer willpower you were able to construct anything your imagination thought of, you could fly, and (most importantly to your 13 year old self) your ring could create any hero costume design to anything your heart desired, complete with a dazzling transformation sequence to boot

✦ at first it was everything you ever wanted, days at school spent wanting to do nothing but go out and fight the forces of evil with your totally awesome magical powers (sort of)

✦ for a while you even wondered when you’d get your own team (all magical girls had a team comprised of their friends to fight off evil, so obviously you would get one eventually, right?)

✦ you spent a lot of time in class doodling what you thought your team would be like, which of your friends were bound to be chosen next and join your side (in the back of your notebook you even had some little doodles of you and some masked phantom thief type character that you could no longer pin who your kid self was thinking of at the time when you stumbled upon your old notebook)

✦ but of course, life wasn’t that simple

✦ you never got that team of magical girls, or other lanterns to come to your aid and help you fight off evil

✦ you didn’t have a moment where a kind older teammate you picked up along the way reassured you and comforted you when your body ached from being thrown around like a rag doll by some super powered freak trying to destroy a city block

✦ no one else was there to help you when your ring faltered and your constructs fell apart because you were just a little girl fighting for love and justice against real monsters, bad guys who wanted to break your bones or worse, ones who couldn’t be magically defeated with a magic tiara or a special transformation power-up

✦ it was you who had to do all of that

✦ it was you who had to choke back tears and lick your wounds just to push all of that fear down into the pits of your stomach and pull yourself back onto your feet to hit the bastard who broke your rib ten times as hard

✦ your constructs were tougher, brighter even, they no longer shattered after one heavy hit against the body of a big bulky target

✦ but it wasn’t your courage making them stronger—

✦ it was the unwavering resolve that you were going to punch and claw your way out of each hell you got into and survive, even if you had to die trying

✦ at some point you quit sticking your neck out for other people

✦ you stop searching for fights to start and to prevent crime before it escalates with regular patrols of the city

✦ you only ever came to the aid of civilians when danger was making itself present in big conflics, it gives you more time to be a regular girl and live your life

✦ by eight grade you had had to switch schools for fighting other students

✦ mark noticed that before your expulsion you seemed to have quit picking fights to protect your friends (friends who gradually started to drift away from you late seventh grade) and now you seemed to just be starting fights out of nowhere

✦ you needed to let off steam from your hero work, taking it out on some annoying boy in class was the closest thing you had to a goon or grunt

✦ he didn’t see you again until late into high school

✦ or, really he didn’t see you until he ran into eve after getting his powers

✦ because you saw him immediately after transferring back to the same school district and getting enrolled in the same high school as him

✦ somehow the world couldn’t be smaller

✦ you saw him the first day of senior year

✦ how could you forget, you punched him in the jaw at your parents’ funeral nearly four years ago

✦ you basically ignored him as much as you could

✦ i mean really he’s the same as he was as all those years ago as a stupid kid— dorky and innocent

✦ it was almost insulting the way he didn’t recognize you at first, but to be fair you gave him the cold shoulder and pushed past him in the halls whenever you could

✦ he often saw you smoking under the bleachers during breaks

✦ you still got into fights sometimes, he’s seen you throw a mean right hook whenever one of the other students were bothering you, so he generally he keeps his distance (still, he found himself looking at you over his shoulder every time he did notice you, something about the bad girl delinquent vibe gave you an allure of some kind)

✦ so now imagine being you, taking a night off for once from beating crooks bloody and waiting for civilians to get into trouble before swooping in to save them (again), loitering around Burger Mart and using your lantern ring to make a lighter to light a cigarette (you left your lighter at home— a nice vivienne westwood that belonged to your mom)

✦ you’re minding your own business when you see a familiar face come out from the back of the restaurant

✦ your brows scrunch up identifying the boy in uniform as your least favorite regular human on the planet as he’s hauling two trash bags over to the dumpster

✦ you groaned at the sight of him and rolled your eyes, going back to lighting your cigarette when you see him fidget with the bags for a moment before fucking chucking one of them into the fucking stratosphere

✦ you just sort of stare at him from where you were sat with wide, furious eyes

✦ because no way this loser gets powers out of fucking nowhere

✦ no fucking way you have been busting your ass for years getting stronger, learning how to suppress your fear and push yourself to be stronger, faster, more durable, everything to survive when you’re doing your rounds as Earth’s only green lantern

✦ and mark fucking grayson gets to throw massive heaps of trash into fucking space like it was nothing

✦ if there was a God somewhere, you were sure he’s laughing right at you

✦ you’re there when mark— sorry, when invincible makes his debut as a hero, during the initial flaxan invasion,

✦ you’re exceptionally more irritated than usual

✦ the others chalked it up to your usual grouchiness, but atom eve (your one and only friend) caught onto your ire rather quickly with just how aggressive you seemed to be that day

✦ when mark approached eve in the halls at school afterwards you didn’t do anything to hide your scowl, appearing behind her like a shadow

✦ it took him a second to notice you and he’s not all to proud to say your sudden arrival made him jump a little

✦ scared for a second that he was talking loud enough for someone to have heard him reveal his identity when he remembers you as one of the heroes who he fought beside during the flaxan invasion

✦ you’re annoyed when eve offers to lend an ear to mark, call it jealousy or just you being territorial of your only friend, but there was no way mark grayson gets one rocky start as a hero and immediately gets to be reassured by someone

✦ he gets his powers without needing to prove anything, he gets support from the get go by another hero like eve as soon as he doubts himself, it made you sick— HE makes you sick

✦ from then there on you just couldn’t shake this guy off you

✦ you ran into him more often at school, or at the store, hell you were getting put on the same assignments by cecil

✦ you’re sick of him

✦ sick of his stupid face and that dorky grin of his

✦ how he’s always checking in on you when you go down during a fight and how his voice sounded a bit softer when he spoke to you

✦ the way he makes your face heat up and made your stomach flip when he looked at you—

✦ oh…

✦ oh hell no.

✦ you needed to hit something and you needed to hit something hard (preferably mark)

✦ you were already pretty standoffish and kind of mean when you had to interact at school, but now?

✦ whenever you’re paired with him for missions half of it is spent barking at him and calling him stupid for not being careful enough

✦ he doesn’t even really know what gets you so heated sometimes but he’s getting better at dodging your punches when you start wailing on him post fight

✦ you hate how much effort you have to put just to keep up with him sometimes

✦ he makes you put in the work when he’s barely breaking a sweat

✦ you want to hit him with your hardest construct sometimes just to see him get skipped like a stone. he’s durable, he’ll live

✦ seeing you in action is something else

✦ your costume hasn’t really changed since you were younger (really the sailor scout uniform was just too good to switch up)

✦ but the duality of the cute bows on your leotard and the short pleated skirt compared to the sight of you slamming a heavy green mallet over some poor supervillain’s head always draws his attention to you

✦ you fight so effortlessly in mark’s eyes, you’re quick on your feet and there’s a unique power behind your punch that make him feel the earth beneath his feet shake when he sees you clock someone in the jaw

✦ you always looked so cool with your stoic, determined expression and he admires how ✦ you seem so put together, you barely stagger between attacks, it’s as if you’re just going through the motions

✦ watching you ring-sling is such a sight to see

✦ you’re so quick to adapt your light constructs he can’t imagine how fast you must be thinking for you to be able to switch as naturally as you do, almost like breathing

✦ he’s seen you combo your ring-sling constructs with your raw strength, hitting them with a green baseball bat before the same light construct stretched into a tether or a lasso to yank them back into your ring bearing fist— which by then had some brass knuckle or gauntlet wrapped around it to bust up their jaw

✦ you do surprisingly well at keeping up with him, you’re nowhere near as fast or durable as he is after he starts getting deeper and deeper into being invincible, but your willpower wasn’t something to laugh at

✦ he admired your courage and strength, even if he was at the end of some of those punches

✦ the two of you were such a strange pair

✦ both of you seemed oblivious to the way you looked at each other

✦ maybe it was the goggles on his costume but mark never seemed to realize that the scowl on your face wasn’t the same as your usual resting face (though he found the scrunch of your nose and the furrowing of your brows very cute)

✦ and you (despite your observational skills and general common sense) couldn’t tell that the sheepish puppy dog look on his face when he talked to you wasn’t just how his stupid face looked

✦ you also didn’t seem to realize that thinking about him as consistently as you did wasn’t something you’re supposed to do about someone you claimed to despise

✦ eve is at her wits end with you guys, especially since she was most often the one left to mediate between the two of you

✦ rex tried to do that once, but seeing as you were strongly aligned with eve and hold grudges longer than anyone else you still weren’t giving him any civilized response that didn’t involve chucking him into a lamppost ever since eve confided to you about him cheating

✦ also he used your spare lighter as ammunition once and he was still feeling the pain in his arm from when you broke his wrist after that

[glubglubgurgle]

bruised apples

caleb's willing to wait forever for you, but why would you like someone else?

pairings: Caleb/unnamed afab MC

tags: fluff and angst, angst and romance, yearning!!!!, old days, non canon compliant, slow burn, awkward love, eventual romance, eventual smut, dry humping..., caleb third person pov

word count (C1-9): 21.4k

a/n!: cross posted on ao3! this is my first time posting a fic on tumblr...idk how to format everything prettily like everyone else TT this is also my first time writing a fic in forever and first time writing anything smutty in general. there is def some grammar issues...sorry!!! but i hope u enjoy anyways :3

ONGOING!! Chapters 1-9 below!

CHAPTER 10 HERE!

Chapter 1

“I think I like someone.”

Caleb was as resilient as can be. It took more than a few hits to the face to take him down, if anyone even managed to get that close to him. He endured far more physical and emotional pain than anyone his age should have experienced.

But his world came crashing down once the girl he dreamed of every night said that one sentence.

He was on his break from the DAA, and she sprung the five words during dinner, ever so casually. She poked at her food with her fork, biting her lip and avoiding eye contact. He knew she always felt uncomfortable talking about boys with him. Admittedly, he gets really defensive about her and the guys around her. All these years of protecting her, he could never be sure about anyone’s intentions.

“Please say something, you scare me when you’re quiet.” Her hand rested on his. “He’s really nice, and I don’t even think he likes me like that. I just wanted to tell you because I feel really strongly about this crush for once, and you’re important to me. I don’t wanna hide anything from you.” Her fingers gripped on his tighter as she rambled.

Caleb finally recovered from his thoughts, noticing the scowl building on his face and attempted to reverse it. He let go of his fork and put his hand atop of hers. “Pips, I’m glad you like someone. I just worry about you, but thanks for telling me.” He raised her hand with his and stared at her fingers. Nails painted like red and green apples. Thoughts of her in her room painting her nails while she missed him flood his brain. “He’d be an idiot to not like you back…” he mutters. The frown on his face twitches back into a soft smile. He let go of her hand and pinched her cheek, eliciting a shriek from her.

“Hey!” She pulled her hand back from near you and rubbed her face. She resumed eating, a small smile played on her lips, as if she felt accomplished.

“So…” Caleb drew out the o’s. “Who is he? Does he have good grades? Is he nice?” Feigning a positive interest. Truthfully, it killed him.

She, on the other hand, seemed very interested to talk about her mystery man. She took her last bite from her bowl before bringing her legs up to hug her knees. She rested her cheek on her right knee to look at him while talking, giddy. So entranced by the thoughts of her crush, she didn’t notice the way Calebs fists were clenched under the table or the way his lips would betray him and frown every now and then.

“He sits next to me in class, right now. We switched our seats around because everyone was sitting with their friend the first week.” Her cheeks turned pink thinking of him. “I never really interacted with him before…I think we were on opposite sides of the class every year before, but also there was never really any reason to.” She shrugged, eyes wandering while thinking of the past. She shook her head to get back on track and looked back at Caleb with a sort of gleam in her eye. “He’s really smart, I think he was top of the class last year. We didn’t really talk much at first, but he saw me struggling with a math question and helped me out. Ever since, we’ve been talking more and more.” She giggled.

Her smile would always put one on Caleb’s face. This one stung. A smile meant for someone else. Did he even deserve it? Does he even know how lucky he is?

“Don’t worry, I’ve done a background check on him…kind of. I know you always tell me to be careful and from what I’ve seen and heard, he’s good!” She stood up and saluted at me, “Won’t let you down, Captain Caleb!” She released her position and laughed. She picked up her dishes to take to the sink.

Surprisingly, Caleb heard the water running and dishes clanking. Normally she left her dishes for him to do.

He got up and walked toward her. Her back faced him and he had to hold back from doing anything rash. Multiple scenarios played in his mind. What if he just admitted his feelings now? What if he begged her not to like this guy? What if he made him disappear?

Instead he wrapped his arms around her, and rested his forehead on her shoulder. “I was only gone for a few weeks and you already found someone to take up your brain…” He let out a sigh against her sweater before breathing her in. She even smelled like candied apples.

She giggled, again. She turned the water off before turning around to look at him. She grabbed his face with both her hands and shook him around. Just like she always did when they were kids. “There’s the jealous and protective Caleb.”

His eyes widened at her reaction. Lax and carefree.

“You were being so supportive, I was starting to wonder if they cloned you over at the DAA and sent back a faulty one.” She snorted a little before letting his face go to turn back to the dishes. “And it’s been empty around here…but I’m not replacing you. You’re very important to me. I just really like him, but who knows if it’ll go anywhere. I think crushes are fun. And it’s my last year!” After setting her bowl on the drying rack, she turned back around and poked his cheek.

Caleb cleared his throat, and regained his posture. Crossing his arms, he looked at her with mock judgement, “Yeah, Pips. It’s your last year, shouldn’t you be studying? You better not throw away your Hunter dream for a guy.”

She rolled her eyes before pushing past him. “You didn’t even finish your food. Eat before you start to lecture me, I’m not doing your dishes.” She snarked back before dropping onto the couch.

Caleb stood in the kitchen, touching his face where she left electric currents. He knew he was screwed. How is he going to pretend to be okay with this? He knew he had to. He didn’t want to scare her off, and he just wanted her to be happy. Would this guy make her happy? As much as he made her happy? Would that guy cherish her the way he cherished her?

“When you’re done, come watch a movie with me.” She said from the couch, shaking him from his own thoughts. “I missed so many new movies because I waited to watch it with you.” She grumbled.

She was quick to say things that meant the world to Caleb, but it probably just came off casually to her. He tried to shake off the confession of her crush on someone else and cleaned up his own dishes. He was itching to spend time with you, and he didn’t want this bump in the road to get in the way. On one hand, this crush wouldn’t turn into anything serious. Like she said, they just started talking more.

But the idea of someone not liking her just doesn’t seem possible in Caleb’s brain. She was perfect according to him. Perfect for him, even. He couldn’t find the possibility of whoever that guy was to not like her back. Would he be strong enough emotionally to let her be happy with him? To stand by and watch someone else take her away?

Caleb sat at the end of the couch while she laid her head on his lap. They always watched movies like this. She always ended up falling asleep if she didn’t like the movie. And he always watched her, admiring her, before falling asleep himself. Their grandma would always come home to find them slumped against each other on the couch with the TV running.

The first movie was not to her liking at all. She fell asleep in the first ten minutes. Caleb wanted to keep asking about the mysterious guy, but he heard her soft snores and felt a damp patch on his thigh as she started to drool. He bit his lip as he stroked the top of her head.

“How could you like someone else, Pipsqueak…?” He mumbled, soft enough to not disturb her. It was destroying him. He was wondering if he could drop out and wait for her to graduate before going back to the DAA. But if he did that, how would he take control of the sky for her like he promised? He wanted to give her everything, but he also wanted to be her everything. Caleb loved her. He wished he could be selfish and take her as his own. He knew he could make her happy, he knew because he would do anything to make her happy. Would the other guy do the same?He knew he was thinking crazy. He was planning out the future at great lengths just because she had a simple crush. He couldn't help it. Caleb was terrified. His biggest fear was losing her.

Chapter 2

The two walked down the familiar path of the park near their home in silence. Although the awkward situation died down, Caleb was unable to keep away from his own thoughts. Despite the chilly autumn air prickling both of their skins, his blood ran hot with the thoughts of another guy taking up your time. He had to stop himself every now and then to remind him that they weren’t even close like that.

It was a dumb crush. He hoped endlessly.

“Caleb?” Her voice tore through his thoughts and ripping him from his worries. “It’s the fall festival and you walked past every apple stand without a glance.” She poked at his cheek and tried lifting the corner of his mouth into a smirk. “You promised me a pie. Why are you so stressed?” She got on her tippy toes and her hand moved up to his furrowed brows, trying to massage it out. “You haven’t told me anything about how the aviation academy is treating you…” She muttered, looking at him with a sort of puppy-dog eyes. 

He grabbed her hand and held it for a second before letting it drop back to her side. “You’re getting nosy, Pip. I wonder who you learned that from,” a natural smirk formed on his face. 

She rolled her eyes and hooked his arm with hers before continuing to walk. “Is the aviation academy cool? I want to visit next time.”

Caleb looked down at her as they walked and a pit in his stomach grew. She looked so beautiful to him, this was his world. He felt like he was going insane trying to fight the thoughts in the back of his head of someone else taking her away from him. After all he fought for. Everything about her felt like home and she was his primary motivation. How could she like someone else? He looked at her hairpin, the one he got for her from a small shop at Skyhaven, and reached out to touch it. “It’s fun learning, I miss being back home with you and Gran, though.” He softly said, meaning it wholeheartedly. “I’m glad you use this, I was worried you wouldn’t like it.” He said with a small smile.

“Of course I like it, silly.” She looked up at him from the side with a wide smile. She stopped them from walking and let go of Caleb. She reached into her bag to grab her coin pouch that was also gifted by him and put it to her face to smile even wider. “I love everything you give me! It makes me feel like a bit of you is still with me even when you’re away.” 

His heart warmed. The necklace she gifted him suddenly felt warm on his chest, as if to remind him that he does and feels the same thing. “That’s good. I am always here for you.” He smirks, patting the top of her head.

She got on her tippy toes and her face got close to his, arms almost wrapping around his neck.

He stilled and everything else stopped. He looked onto her smiling face and his eyes fell to her rosy lips. So close, yet so far.

Her hands tinkered around his neck looking for the familiar chain to pull out from under his shirt. She gruffed before settling back down on her feet. “Why do you hide it, embarrassed?” She fixed the necklace atop his chest where it was visible. Once she was satisfied, she walked towards an apple stall that was run by their neighbour.

Caleb took a moment to recover. He could have kissed her right then and there. Maybe she would have reciprocated and he wouldn’t have to worry anymore. He knew it was wrong. Caleb needed her and he wanted to be someone she needed too. He rubbed the back of his neck where he could still feel her fingers and then caught up with her. 

“Caleb, how many apples do we need for a pie?” She called out to him, waving her coin pouch again. 

-

They grabbed hot ciders from a stall and found a bench to sit on under the streetlights, overlooking the festival crowd. “I told you about my crush…did you meet anyone you like?” She asked. Caleb could’ve sworn the question was laced with fear or hestiance, but he brushed it off as hopeful thinking. 

He took a sip of his cider before shaking his head. “I don’t have time for that, you know me.” He set his cup down beside him. “It’s just like high school again, though…I’m just so charming.” Caleb smirked, looking at her.

She rolled her eyes before lightly pushing him, “Heartbreaker…none of them interest you? There’s no way not one of them caught your eye” She sips on her own cider looking away.

There was a pang in his chest, if it wasn’t her being worried about him, it felt like she was trying to marry him off. And it hurt him that she didn’t know that all he could think about was her. He was too busy with school, and even busier with her happiness and safety occupying his brain. “Nope.” He popped the ‘p’ and rubbed his palms on pants. “I’m too busy trying to become your personal pilot, Pip. Why would I be interested in anyone else when you’re already a handful,” he tried to joke. “Do you want me to get a girlfriend that bad?” He leaned towards her ear and muttered.

She slowly turned her body to face him and looked at him in the eyes. “Would it be bad if I said no?” She bit her lip, a nervous habit that she gained ever since Caleb said he was going to the DAA the previous year.

It was like Caleb’s lungs had the air sucked out by a vaccuum as he tried to wrap his head around what she said. From pure instinct, he reached out with his thumb to release her lip from teeth. “That’s not fair, Pipsqueak. If I said that about your crush, you’d get mad at me.” His voice was barely above a whisper. 

She quickly covered her face with both of her hands before standing up, “I was just kidding. I’m gonna go find a snack.” She ran off before Caleb could process anything else.

It was always like this. She would say something that would make him feel like there was a chance that the two shared the same dreams. The dream that there would be a happy ending, together. More than just the closest friends since childhood. Caleb just thought she was also as big of a coward as him. But eventually it would work out. He hoped. 

Was what she said really just a joke? If there was any true meaning behind it, even just a sliver, Caleb was willing to hold on tight to it. He grabbed the bag of apples and the two ciders before walking off to find her again.

After weaving through the crowd of families, he spotted her yellow cardigan. Next to a guy in a white muscle shirt and ripped jeans. Caleb’s fists tightened around the cups he was holding, but he managed to control it to avoid piercing the styrofoam. As he got closer, he could see her laugh at something the guy had said. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears that were tinged with pink. 

He didn’t seem to be a threat. In fact, he seemed nice. In Caleb’s eyes, though, he was an enemy. He knew it was him. Her deskmate, the one she said she liked. 

“Pipsqueak, did you find anything else?” Caleb acted casual, stepping beside her while holding out her drink for her to take.

She seemed stunned to see him, as if he wasn’t just with her less than five minutes ago. She stammered a bit before grabbing the drink and shaking her head. “O-oh, I ran into my classmate so I got distracted.” 

Caleb’s eyes pierced through hers and he could feel how nervous she was. Was it from what she said or was it from the guy in front of her?

“This is my childhood friend, Caleb. He’s visiting from the DAA!” She regained her composure as if the chance to brag about knowing someone at the aviation academy fueled her confidence. “And this is my deskmate, Eric.” 

Eric.

Caleb wished so deeply that the man he was so worried about would remain nameless.

Eric reached his hand out to Caleb, “It’s nice to meet you, she talks about you all the time.”

Caleb smiled, surprisingly with some sincerity because of what Eric said. He grabbed his hand and was met with a firm handshake. “You too, I hope she doesn’t bother your studies with dumb stories about me.”

Eric shook his head, chuckling. “No bother here. I’m actually interested in what she has to say about you. I’m also planning on attending the DAA. I hope I can rely on you in the future.” His dark purple eyes looked at Caleb, hopefully.

Someone called Eric’s name from afar and everyone turned to find another girl waving at him. 

“Oh, that’s my sister. I have to get going. Have fun! I’ll see you at school next week.” Eric waves at the two before running off.

The two of them watched her crush disappear into the crowd. It was awkward and silent for only a few moments, but it felt like years to the two of them.

Caleb was the first to break the silence. “That’s him, huh?” He couldn’t help the disappointment in his voice, but he hoped she was too flustered to notice. He looked to find her looking down at her shoes.

“It’s not like I’m in love with him,” she muttered. “Doesn’t he seem nice, though?” She finally looked at Caleb, seeking some sort of approval.

He reluctantly nods. There were multiple alarms ringing in his head, but he couldn’t deny that Eric seemed like a decent person. He will never be too sure and he would never deserve her, though. “I just want you to be happy, Pips. I’ll be here for you whether or not anything happens between you two. Just be careful and don’t let your grades slip.” He pats her head, with a slight hesitation at first. 

“...You know, he kind of reminds me of you.” She beamed. “Maybe that’s why I got comfortable quickly. He helps me with my studies and he also wants to be a fighter pilot. How silly.” She starts to walk through the crowd again, shrugging.

Caleb wondered why she’d need someone like him when he was there all along.

Chapter 3

Caleb wasn’t able to sleep the night of the festival. 

He tossed and turned thinking of everything that happened. And it was just one day. He was excited for this weekend, just so he could see her again. Instead of being met with open arms, he received the crushing news of there being someone else she liked. And he was apparently someone like him.

The idea that she looked for Caleb in this new person clawed at him. Why would she have to look for someone else like him instead of giving herself to him. There was no denying it anymore. He knew that deep down, she felt the same way about him. It just killed him that she drew an invisible line that she forbade herself to cross. If it wasn’t Eric, would she look for someone else? How many people would she look for Caleb in before giving up and admitting to her own feelings? 

Caleb got up and sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. He knew he was the only one who could really protect her from what’s out there. Eric would never know what to do for when the inevitable happens. He didn’t see or experience what happened to them as kids. She doesn’t remember it, but it haunts him every day. 

As much as a good person Eric could be, he could never provide what Caleb has and will. He knew that. 

He looked at his wall. Multiple frames of the two of them. The smile she wore calmed his heart. The memories of him being able to hold her kept him sane. The very essence of her made him feel alive.

And at the end of the day, he couldn’t lose her. He was willing to bear the pain of seeing her try to do what she thinks she wants. He knew that if he tried to stop her, he could lose what they had at that moment. He didn’t want to be the reason she’s uncomfortable, upset, or crying. He wanted to be strong for her. And for her, no matter how long, he would wait.

He hoped to whatever deity there is, that he would be strong enough.

Still unable to sleep, Caleb walked down the hallway into the kitchen. Passing by her room, where the door was slightly ajar, he halted. She was sleeping soundly on her bed. The moonlight from the window shining lightly on her features. 

Caleb understood his weakness. And it was her.

Walking inside, he softly sat on the edge of her bed and put his hand atop of hers for a moment before holding it. Unexpectedly, the motion blinked her awake.

“Caleb…?” She mumbled, her hand slipping out of his to rub her eyes.

“Shh, Pips. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He whispered, flustered at his carelessness. “You can go back to sleep.

“Did you have a nightmare?” She softly asked, squinting at him, attempting to blink the sleepiness away. The corner of her mouth lifted slightly. “You’re just like me…come here. I’ll do what you did when we were kids.” She scooted to the side of her bed and opened her arms to him while patting the now-empty side.

Caleb chuckled. Inside, he felt extremely hot and flustered. But this was truly home and he wasn’t able to resist. 

She used to be the one waking him up on a stormy night, and Caleb always welcomed his bed to her. Falling asleep in each other’s arms was no stranger. He was always happy to be able to provide this comfort for her.

He slipped into her arms and she giggled. “It’s been a while…it hasn’t rained in Linkon for a while. But now you’re the one crawling to me.” She turned to her side and let her arm drape over his chest while he moved his own arm for her to use as a pillow. 

“Yeah,” was all Caleb could mutter.

She went back to sleep in an instant. She began lightly snoring and her breath was warm against his bicep.

It was pure bliss and he wished he could take a snapshot of this moment and live in it forever. He would’ve admired the sight the whole night if it wasn’t for the extreme feeling of comfort weighing his eyelids down. And he fell asleep with her around him.

-

“I can’t believe you’re already leaving tonight. You just got here…” A frown was evident through her voice as she rested her forehead on the wall of the hallway.

The two had just woken up early in the morning. It should be just like any other day of them sleeping in the same bed, since they’ve done it for years. But Caleb felt like it was different since his feelings were pushed to the outermost part of his heart out of defense. For her, on the other hand, he assumed she built more bricks on the invisible line to keep her from crossing it and this really was just another day. Awful luck for him.

He reached over to her with both hands on shoulders to turn towards him. “I’ll call you every day, like I always do.” He unstuck the hair on her forehead and wiped a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. “Should I just drop out?” He smirked at her.

She jutted her bottom lip out to pout harder, somehow possible. She shook her head before leaning in and wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his chest. Muffled yet audible, “No…I’m just not used to being gone. I don’t know if I ever will be.” Caleb felt wet spots through his thin shirt, where her eyes were. “Gran’s usually out or sleeping early. I don’t wake up to you cooking and no one’s waiting for me outside the school gates.” 

She cried for the same worries when he first left for Skyhaven. Now her worries came true, and Caleb thought that it must’ve been harder for her because of that. He thought that maybe that’s why she was so desperate to find someone else. It was hard to blame her, he never could. But at the same time, he just wanted to be selfish for once.

He grabbed her hands from behind him and unwrapped her from him, so he could talk to her face to face. She looked up at him with already-swollen eyes and the same pout, making his heart ache even more. He held her face with both his hands, gently like he was holding the world. And in his head, he was. “You know I’m always here for you. I’m just one call away. I’ll drop everything for you and I’ll always do my best to visit on weekends. It should be a little easier since I’ve settled in.” He wiped another tear from her face. “Don’t mope too much and spend time with your friends, though. You should enjoy your last year before the Hunter’s Academy.” He gave her a soft smile. “Now go take a shower, you’re all sweaty and crying.” He tried to lighten the mood, pushing her towards the bathroom. “I’ll set up the kitchen to make our pie.”

With that, she finally smiled. She stopped at the doorframe of the bathroom before turning back around to hug him again and muttering a small thanks. And then she was back in the bathroom and he heard the water running. 

A bit taken aback, Caleb was just relieved that she was worried as much as he was. And missed him as much as he missed her. It really solidified the bond they had and it helped reinforce that no one could really break it. Although the worry was still there, he knew he could bear it longer and wait for her.

The kitchen counters were soon covered in flour and mixing bowls and the two of them baked to their heart's content. Another snapshot Caleb wished he could live in forever. Carefree quality time with the love of his life. The flour on both of their faces was caused by each other’s foolery. The smell of the autumn air, warm apples, and baking crust filled their  home. 

“I wish we could just stay like this.” She laughed, sitting on the counter as Caleb checked on their pie in the oven. “I love fall. It feels so worry-free when we do things like this.” Her feet swung as she took in the scent of the scenery. 

“Me too, Pips.” He smiled, closing the oven. Another set of reassurance calmed his worrywart heart. “Once we both graduate and when I’m back in Linkon, we can do this every day.” He turned to her and dabbed more flour on the tip of her nose.

She snorted the flour out before bursting in laughter. 

“That is, of course, if you’re not too busy saving the world as the best Hunter in it.” He smirked at her, gathering all their dishes.

She got back down from the counter to help him clean. “It also depends on you being too busy up in the air saving birds and stuff.” She teased.

“Hm, saving birds will always be fun in the future,” he played along. “But I’ll never be too busy to spend time with you.” He patted her head with his flour covered hand, earning a playful glare from her. 

She then retaliated by ruffling his hair with her own floury hands. “Same here.” She then said, with a genuine smile.

-

Leaving that night was hard for Caleb.

She insisted on going with him to the train station.

“You’ve survived three whole weeks without me, Pip. You’ll be okay.” Caleb pinched her damp cheeks. “You’re crying more than you did when I first left.” He tried to tease her with a smile, but it hurt him to see her so sad.

Her eyes got redder as she rubbed them with the back of her hoodie sleeve. His hoodie actually, but she seemed to have stolen it from his closet while he was gone. It was enormous on her, but she looked comfortable. “I don’t know…I kind of got used to our routine of calling at night and stuff. But since you came back, I just remembered how much I missed how it was when you were here.”

“I’ll really try to come back next weekend. Only if you promise to do all your work and get good grades. You know the Hunter’s Association doesn’t just accept anyone.” He tried to be a good motivator, but if he was being honest, he was willing to turn in his leave of absence letter to his own academy and plan his gap year for her. “Give me a pinky promise.” He held his pinky out like they always did.

She swam her hand out of the long sleeves of her sweater and interlocked it with his, before locking the promise with their thumbs. “I’ll be studious and strong until you come back again.” She mocked bravery and nodded. 

“Atta girl,” Caleb said. “Go back now. Let me watch you leave.” He turned her around and kept her facing the exit. “If you turn back, it’ll make it harder, so don’t.” He pushed her slightly, but surprisingly she didn’t budge.

Instead she turned back around and wrapped her arms around his neck before reaching up to leave a peck on his cheek. All before she turned and ran away.

The spot on his cheek was on fire and so was his chest. His resolve began to crumble on the spot. The strength he once believed he had was slipping away through the cracks of his fingers like sand. 

Chapter 4

He was unable to return that weekend.

Nor the weekend after.

Although he was doing good in all of his classes, teamwork was prioritized in the academy. And that meant weekends dedicated to team assignments and training. As much fun that he had with his classmates and new friends, it couldn’t outweigh the pain of leaving her 

It was unbearable for Caleb. The broken promises lingered in the air whenever they called at night. The look on her face whenever she saw him through the screen, as if she was going to crack at any moment. The first weekend was hard because when he told her that Friday that he couldn’t go home, she hung up immediately and wouldn’t pick up his calls until Sunday. She sent him one-word responses to his texts and kept saying she was busy when he tried to call.

It took a bit for her to be less upset. It was a bittersweet thing to think about in Caleb’s mind. He was, in a way, happy. That his presence meant so much to her. But he did not like how upset he made her feel. 

It was inevitable, though. He knew she expected this and so did he. Aviation academy, although it was his dream, he knew it would take him away from her like this. And even if it wasn’t the academy he was going to, it would be the one she would go to the following year. His main dream of being by her side would be thrown off by his and her dream job. 

As the days went by, she became less upset and even back to normal at one point. She always asked about his day and then she’d go on for a long time about hers. He looked forward to it every night, he hoped that she felt the same way.

The workload of the academy became even more vigorous as the weeks went by. The more they transitioned from paperwork and hypotheticals into field work and practicals, the more time was taken away from him. 

“You look awfully chipper today, Pipsqueak. Anything happened today?” Caleb looked at her through his laptop screen, smiling at her phone. They always did their homework together on video call to make it easy for her to ask him for help. Caleb didn’t know why he didn’t suggest it earlier, but it was better than her asking Eric for help in AND out of class. Although her staring at her phone was unusual. She was normally very attentive to her work, but that night, she was overly invested on her phone rather than her studies. Caleb knew the answer, but he hoped she would prove his hypothesis wrong.

“You remember Eric? We’ve been hanging out more! We even exchanged contacts, he’s pretty funny.” She must have noticed a face on Caleb from the way she cleared her throat before setting her phone down. “But I should get back to work.” She nodded.

He couldn’t control his face, but he tried to avoid scowling at least. “I’m glad you’re happy, Pips. I hope it goes well for you.” He said through gritted teeth, hoping he sounded genuine. “But if I hear that your grades are slipping, I’m making you move schools.” He looked back down at his work. He was actually already done with it, but he just wanted to seem busy so she wouldn’t hang up.

“Can I ask you something?” She said, making his eyes dart back to his screen. He saw her fidgeting with her pen. 

“Of course, Pips.” He was scared. This was one of the lines that was on the anxiety-inducing list, along with ‘we need to talk’ and ‘I will never love you more than just a friend’ but it wasn’t number one. His mind raced through the multiple things she could ask about: his love life, quantum mechanics, why he was so obsessed with her, why he loved her, why he won’t let go of her, kitchen recipes. The list went on in his head.

“How do you know if you REALLY like someone?” She mumbles so quietly, the mic almost didn’t pick it up. “And like how do you know if someone likes you?”

Caleb dropped his pencil and tried to find an answer to give her that didn’t give him away. “Uhh, I’d assume that if you looked forward to seeing them everyday. If you wanted to prioritize their happiness over yours and you’d do anything for them.” He rubbed his chin trying to think of more answers, “Maybe if you smiled every time you thought of them.” 

“It sounds like you have experience…” She muttered, wide-eyed towards him. 

He stammered, “W-well, I’m just assuming. I did say I was assuming, right? I read books. Haven’t you read books? I’ve seen your bookshelf. Shouldn’t you know better than me?” He hoped he sounded convincing. He heard a snicker behind him to find his roommate Gideon laughing. Caleb glared at him and Gideon went back to pretending to be asleep. Thankfully, when he looked back at the screen, she was looking down at whatever and didn’t notice.

“Well, yeah. I think I know. I just wanted to hear from a guy.” She mumbled. It was silent for a moment before she groaned and ruffled her own hair out of frustration. “I don’t even know if he likes me!” She hid her face in her hands.

“Can you see the rest of your life with him?” Caleb blurted out. He couldn’t help it. He knew he would be better for her because he knows he’ll be there for her until the end. He would do anything to make sure of it. He knows she can see him in the future too. 

“Oh my god, Caleb. We just started being friends like two months ago!” She groaned even louder and dropped her down to the desk. All he saw then was the top of her head.

Caleb softly chuckled to himself. He knew his answer after a few moments of knowing her. He knew he wanted to protect her again and again until the end of time. Love at first sight, he thought. “I’m just asking, Pips. You sound so serious about him.” Caleb found it in him to tease her. “Are you gonna do anything about it?” He was confident earlier. After the last question, he got scared again. What if she wasn’t the ‘love at first type’ girl and she instead enjoyed a slow friendship to lovers pipeline. Shouldn’t he still be able to be the latter? But Eric could fit the latter too.

She got up and shook her head before tilting her head and thinking harder. “I don’t think so…maybe talk to him more and even hang out? We had lunch together…but in the cafeteria so it’s not that crazy.” She turned to the camera, her eyes boring into his through the screen. “What would make you like a girl?”

He pretended to think. In his head he knew the answer: likes his cooking, is afraid of thunder, dreams of being a Hunter, loves apples and apple designs, sucks at physics, sleeps in until noon, loves horror movies but can’t sleep after…the list went a long way but the answer was simple. Be her. “She’d have to be someone I can be myself with and be comfortable with.” He was proud of his vague answer. It was still about her. Home.

“You’re so basic, you’re no help.” She snorted before starting her work again. “I’ll just let the tides take us to where we have to be then. If it’s meant to be, then so be it.” She giggled. 

With this, Caleb silently prayed to the tides she spoke of. In his head he prayed that they would take them to a point where they are the true ending. That the stars point to him as her one true love.

They hung up soon after. She was tired from her homework and they both had class the next day. When Caleb shut his laptop shut, his roommate Gideon propped himself up on his elbow. “You’re incredibly obvious. How does she not see it?” His eyes followed Caleb’s as he sat down on his own bed. 

“I thought you went to sleep.” Caleb rolled his eyes, slipping under his sheets after turning off the desk lamp.

“You kept bouncing your leg, I couldn’t sleep. And anyways, that call was the most interesting one yet. I was sure you were going to confess tonight.” Gideon laughed. He layed back down and looked up at the ceiling. “I was confused why you turned down every single girl in our class the first week. Once we settled in here, I realized you’re madly in love.”

“Yep…” Caleb sighed. There’s always a stack of love letters by his door and presents at times. He didn’t know how they had the time to do so, considering the academy’s heavy workload. It was the same during high school. At least then, someone was able to reap the rewards of his attractiveness. She would always eat the snacks given to him. Now it was Gideon, but he couldn’t keep up with it either. “How come everyone else but her sees it?”

“Judging from how I see it, I don’t think she really cares for how hot someone is? And didn’t you two grow up with each other? Maybe she’s looking for someone new…? Not to ruin your life or anything…” He suggested, trying not to push his buttons. Gideon knows how angry Caleb could get.

Someone once complimented a photo of her on his phone and said some depraved words along with it. If Gideon didn’t clock the fire behind Caleb’s eyes, the crude guy would’ve lost an arm.

“New…” Caleb mulled over the idea before shaking his head. “You know the guy she has a crush on…she said he reminds her of me.” It was his turn to prop himself up to face Gideon across the room. “And in a way, he reminded me of me too.” Tall, brown haired, pilot centric. The similarities were incredulous. 

“Dude.” Gideon sat up. “She’s looking for your replacement. Maybe she thinks that after being away for so long, you’ll find someone else. And she’s trying to beat you to it.” 

Caleb flipped over on his bed to groan into his pillow. He doesn’t think Gideon’s completely right, but he could tell that she was worried about him getting a girlfriend. She said it herself. But the replacement part sounds correct. She can’t bring herself to love him, and she’s looking for other people like him. He didn’t know why he opened up to Gideon. Reassurance, he thought. Yet all he received was reassurance for the wrong parts. He wanted to hear, ‘She DOES like you!’ not ‘She’s REPLACING you!’ 

-

The weekend he could go home finally arrived. A month after he promised he would. To make up for it, Caleb wanted to surprise her. His professor was out sick that Friday and he was able to leave early on Thursday. He wanted to wait for her at the school gate, like how he did before. 

He propped himself against the stone fence, looking up at the trees that still had some of their red and orange leaves. He looked around the area and was reminded of when they were at school together. Even though it was only earlier in the year, it felt like ages ago. 

She usually took forever packing up since she loved to chat with her friends after class. He would stand at the same spot waiting for her. Back then, he would sometimes hide to avoid his own classmates. Mainly the girls in his class. Her classmates weren’t as bold as his. They would look at him and whisper to their friends, but besides that, he had nothing to worry about. 

That present day was no different. As people poured out of the property, he had some stares here and there, but no one bothered him. He raked through the crowds looking for her.

The ring of her laughter reached his ears and filled him with even more warmth that the sun could never give him. He saw her walk down the steps, and even though she was walking beside Eric, all he could think of was how glad he was to see her again. 

The sun shone at her perfectly. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled in the daytime. He felt like he was falling in love again, but it was hard to know that he couldn’t just run up to her and kiss her in front of everyone. To let everyone know that she was his. Because she wasn’t.

He wanted to hold her face in between his hands and stare at her for hours on end in the sunlight. And memorize every curves on her face and the colors in her eyes. He wanted to be the reason she laughed and smiled.

As she got closer, she saw him.

Caleb stood confidently and in awe at the same time. He missed her.

And by the looks of it, so did she. The moment they locked eyes, hers began to look shinier with tears. She started running towards him without a notice to her friends or even Eric.

“Hey Pipsqu-” Caleb said with a big smile on his face before she interrupted him by throwing herself around him.

“You’re such an asshole,” she muttered into his neck as she hugged him.

His arms wrapped around her waist to support her up and he smiled into her hair, “I know, I’m sorry…I’ll take whatever punishment you have for me.” His heart felt full, having her this close to him.

Time stopped for him. It was like everyone else disappeared when he saw her. The sun shone brighter and the air became cooler and breezier. He was truly home.

She stepped down and looked up at him, still teary-eyed. He wiped her tears with his thumb and chuckled at her. “Miss me much?” He teased her.

She nodded, pouting. “I got good grades just for you to not even show up in person to congratulate me.” She lightly punched his arm. A perplexed face covered her sad one. She reached out again to squeeze his arm. “When did this happen…?”

He rolled his eyes, hoping his face didn’t look as warm as it felt. “I’ve always been rock solid.”

She shook her head, punching his bicep even more. “Stop flexing.”

He wondered if he even was flexing but he wasn’t. Did the academy have him working that much? Caleb went to the gym everyday like he always did. Yet, the academy did add a few more routines that he didn’t do before. “I’m not…”

“What? What are they feeding you over there?” She was engulfed in his new muscles. She started poking other places like his shoulders and even his abdomen. She was shocked, it seemed like. And he felt embarrassed by how much she was touching him.

He grabbed both her wrists and held her hands in his. “Hey, I just got back and you’re already giving me a physical examination?” 

She shrugged, “I have to make sure you’re real. But speaking of that punishment for leaving your dear friend alone for so long…” She looked towards her group of friends, the one with Eric in who waved at him. They were waiting on the other end of the gate for her. “You’re gonna have to eat dinner alone, to suffer like I suffered.” She nodded, proud of coming up with the wording of her penalty. 

His heart dropped and he pouted at her. “Really?”

She covered his eyes, “Don’t look at me with those! This is your fault for dropping by unannounced. My friends want to eat at the new BBQ place that just opened up. I’d say come with us, but they were really strict about the number since they’ve been packed the whole time.”

He was extremely sad to say the least. “Go home and make me a dessert. Make sure to pour your whole apologetic heart into it. Maybe I’ll forgive you then. Also, Gram won’t be home. It’s mahjong night.” She dropped her hands from his eyes, before covering her own after seeing it again. “Ugh, your puppy dog eyes are insane, Caleb. No wonder you always got your way. Not this time! I’ll see you at home.” She ran off the other direction before hustling her friends to get walking.

He was left alone by the gate. Watching her walk off with her friends and the guy she likes.

But at least he had a few minutes of pure bliss. And he hoped to make it up to her when she got  home. He quickly gathered himself and went shopping for his heartfelt apology.

-

Grandma got home before she did. Caleb and her had a small chat about how the academy was treating him. And she let him in on how much she complained about him not being home, which made Caleb chuckle at the thought of seeing her annoy grandma about him. She had to go to sleep soon after since she had an extreme night of mahjong, according to her.

Caleb was in the kitchen finishing her cinnamon rolls. He was indecisive with what to bake her but there was a lot of cinnamon stocked up for the fall vibes. He kept glancing at his phone, to see if she messaged him back. She must have been too enthralled with her conversations to look at her own phone.

He tried to focus on the fact that she was having fun with ALL of her friends, and not at the idea that maybe she was sitting next to him at the restaurant. Where was Eric sitting really? Next to her? In front of her? 

It was eating at him, but he didn’t want to spend his break time with her worrying about anything. He just wanted to enjoy his time with her.

He didn’t put his work into the oven yet because he wanted her to enjoy it fresh. He waited for her to text him back so he could pop them in. Yet, an hour passed by and then another with no answer.

He wanted to wait for her longer, but it was worrying him too much. Instead, he searched for any new restaurants that opened up on his phone to find out where she went. He found one that matched what she said and he instantly threw on his jacket. 

Caleb walked to the door and opened it to find her and Eric. And it looked like they were both leaning into each to kiss before being interrupted by the living room light and him.

Chapter 5

“I should go inside now, bye Eric.” She said, flustered. She glances between Caleb and Eric.

Eric looked like he was a deer in the headlights, wide-eyed and embarrassed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave an awkward wave and acknowledged Caleb at the door.

Caleb who was red in the face. Eyes were darkened and his fists were clenched. His grip on the doorknob was deadly, and it was most likely molded by his fingers. 

As Eric walked off quickly, Caleb finally closed the door. He didn’t slam it, but there was force to it. As if he really wanted to.

The mantra Caleb held onto was falling apart. The strength he thought he had emptied to the floor all in one go, rather than leaking out of him. What he thought was just a stupid crush was evolving right in front of him. Every day that he wasn’t with her, he was losing her to another. If he stayed with her, would he be the one to inch closer to her? Would she be so desperate to find warmth in someone else’s arms?

He stared at the door, stuck in his thoughts. Until her voice cut through the silence. “I’m going to take a shower…I smell like smoke from the restaurant.” She muttered. He could hear the awkwardness and panic.

Caleb couldn’t get a word out and let her walk off. 

It wasn’t just a stupid crush. She liked him, and it was a no-brainer to him that he would return her feelings. He wanted to be grateful that he stopped them, but who or what was going to stop them next time? Was he going to drag her to Skyhaven with him just to keep her away from Eric? The dorms at the DAA didn’t allow visitors to stay overnight during weekdays. 

Multiple options popped up in his head at record speed, all of which were futile. There was no stopping her from doing what she wanted to without ruining their own relationship. The only option was to hold himself back and endure this newfound relationship of hers day after day. He didn’t want to pray for the downfall of her relationship either, because that meant seeing her cry. But at the same time, he would rather let another guy make her cry. At least then, it would let Caleb be the shoulder to cry on.

He was disgusted by himself. The desperation became so evident. He wanted to be with her, wholeheartedly. And since he can’t have her, his deepest desire was that no one else can have her. He knew it was wrong.

So instead of acting on anything, he put his cinnamon rolls into the oven.

Instead of going out to kill the guy or blow up his house so they’d have to move…he decided to bake. Caleb knew the only reasonable route was to follow her route: let the tides take them to wherever. He’ll secretly pray it won’t work out. Every time she comes to him about something he did, he’ll push her to end things with him and focus on herself. He knew it was still a bad plan and wouldn’t be considered socially acceptable, but it was better than murder.

He looked at his reflection through the oven door. He looked crazy. A scowl looked like it’s lived on it for decades and his eyebrows were practically knitted together. He mirrored his inner emotions. Disgusted and upset. Disgusted by his lack of control and his lack of support for the one he loved. He rubbed his face in his hands, attempting to smooth everything out. 

The DAA made them do breathing exercises in order to avoid panic when problems arise during flight. He thought he would never have to use them since he was practically fearless in the air. Instead, he’s used it to calm himself down from the multiple potentials of losing his world.

“Caleb?” He heard her behind him.

He didn’t know where he pulled the strength from, but in a flash, he was able to put on a normal face around her. A soft smile was always easier once he saw her face. Despite everything, his heart still beat for her. No matter how broken it might have been at that moment.

She was in her pajamas, her hair dripping on her shoulders, dampening the fabric. She extended a towel towards him, “Can you dry my hair like old times…?” She bit her lip, looking at the floor.

He took a few steps towards her, perplexed. “What’s wrong?” He brushed his thumb on her lip like usual to free it from her teeth. “If it’s because I ruined your moment…”

She looked up at him, panicked, “N-no! I just…I want you to dry my hair.” She shoved the towel into his hands before storming off to the floor of the living room of the couch and turning the TV on. 

Caleb wished he could read minds. He was completely lost as to why she’s acting like this. The last time she asked him to dry her hair was when she didn’t receive any Valentine’s in her freshman year. He never told her, but he was to blame for that. He was in charge of the Valentine gram table that year (he volunteered) and he kept all the ones meant for her. He then returned it to the senders and basically threatened them to stay away from her. 

The smell of baking cinnamon was permeating the air, he hoped it would calm down the tension. He’s glad it’s the dessert he chose. He learned from his mental health class that cinnamon was often used to lift spirits and improve moods. Yet he wondered if the mood was too heavy.

He walked over to the couch and sat behind her. She was looking for something to watch and paid no attention to him. He began drying her hair, moving from instinct. He covered the ends of her hair to scrunch out the water before moving towards her scalp. She leaned into his touch before letting out a sigh and it made his stomach coil. What was once such an innocent act became so intimate for him. And he wondered if this change was only for him.

She handed him one of her scalp oils to massage onto her. “My head hurts…can you put this on for me?”She finally settled on an old show that she’s seen multiple times.

Caleb didn’t really know much about her current hair care, but he just followed her instructions. He got pretty good at massaging whatever was needed between her and grandma. It’s just been a while since either of them have asked them to. As he mindlessly massaged her scalp, he tried to ignore the sighs of relief coming out of her and the small shivers. 

It was quiet, minus the TV. Neither of them said a word. The timer from the oven then went off and he wiped his hands on her towel before getting up. He took his creation out of the oven before setting it on the countertop to add the finishing icings and letting it cool. “Just wait a few minutes before you can grab one, Pip.” He said. 

Caleb then went back onto the couch at the same spot. She didn’t move and he didn’t want to make her. He started braiding her hair like before, trying different types that she made him learn before. Raking his fingers through her hair to start over before trying another one. The tension was too heavy, the air was awkward yet cinnamon scented. He wanted her all for himself and it was killing him.

“I’m kind of glad you found us…” She finally said, dropping her forehead to touch her knees. Her hair falling out of Caleb’s hands.

“Huh…” was all Caleb could say. “What do you mean, Pip?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think I wanted him to kiss me.” She sounded muffled, but the desperation to understand made Caleb hear her crystal clear. “I didn’t feel anything when we were close to each other.”

“I thought you liked him.” He said, unsure. He wasn’t trying to talk her out of how she felt, he just wanted to understand. Was he overreacting this whole time? Was he planning murder for nothing?

She suddenly stood up and faced him, looking down at him. “Can you just…sit there? Don’t move. Don’t say anything. Please.” She softly pleaded with him.

Caleb was frozen but he mustered a small nod. 

She knelt down with one knee on the couch in-between his legs. And slowly leaned towards him, making full eye contact with him as she did so. Her breathing was uneasy and the warmth from face was radiating onto him.

Caleb couldn’t tell whose heartbeat he could hear. Both of theirs were so in-sync, it sounded deafening in the heavy air. His hands twitched at his sides. He didn’t have an idea of what she was doing. But he wanted to be greedy and close the distance himself. Yet, he stayed still for her.

She moved even closer to his face, the breaths mingling with each other. Her eyes moved from his to his lips, interchaging. Her breath hitched at the sight. His eyes bored into hers with desperation. And hers mimicked his. Before inching closer, she covered his mouth with her hand while the other clutched at her chest above her heart. She cursed under her breath before pulling away.

“I’m going to bed.” She quickly said before turning the TV off and quickly walking to her bedroom.

He heard her shut the door and it jarred him back to thought. His heart was hammering out of his chest.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, staring into space. Replaying the scene in his head over and over again. 

The cinnamon rolls forgotten on the countertop.

Chapter 6

It rained that night, funnily enough for the two of them. The weather forecast had no prediction of any rainfall for the whole week, and the skies showed no signs of it either. It was as if that night wanted to mirror the emotions happening in the household between them.

Caleb was completely in the dark as to why she did what she did. There were multiple answers, but after being wrong so many times, he didn’t want to bring his hopes up or down. His head played back the scene over and over again that night. It felt like she mirrored the same desperation he had, for once. Like she wanted to go further. 

He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Occasionally his hands rubbed his face out of frustration. Caleb didn’t know how to move forward acting like she didn’t do what she did. They care about each other, but wasn’t she pushing him too far?  There was only so much he could take. Physically, he could take a bullet, a grenade, an entire thing to protect her. But emotionally, she was his biggest weakness. 

His thoughts were so loud, he didn’t notice the thunder that started rolling in the skies. The only thing that cut through his thoughts like usual was her voice. 

At first, Caleb thought he was hallucinating her. 

“Caleb…” Her voice calls out, muffled by the door. “Please…”

He rushed towards the door and when he opened it, she ran past him into his bed, under his navy blue covers.

Caleb realized it was because of the thunder. Except she was never this scared before. She normally came over with her headphones and laid next to him for extra comfort. This time, she was rattled and hiding. 

He was about to get in bed when he remembered he developed a habit of sleeping shirtless. The weather in Skyhaven was more humid than Linkon, and it was just more comfortable for him to sleep without a shirt. He would also have nightmares when he missed home, and almost always woke up in a sweat. He quickly grabbed one from his closet to slip it on before laying next to her, atop of his covers.

His hand reached out to soothe her by patting her back, but everything was still fresh to his mind and his hand hesitated. He even kept his distance from her on the bed, afraid of scaring her away. As if she was a stray cat on the street, he waited for her to approach him before making a move.

Another loud boom in the sky and she let out a soft shriek before scooting closer to him, shaking.

His arm instinctively wrapped around her, protectively. “Hey…it’s okay. I’m here, Pipsqueak…” He said, resting his chin on the top of her head before pulling her closer to him. He softly chuckled, feeling her nuzzling deeper into his chest through the blanket. “I thought you said you weren’t afraid of thunder anymore. What else are you hiding from me…?” He meant to sound playful, but he meant it and he wanted to know. He needed to know what was in her brain.

She didn’t respond for a while. Her shivering soothed down the longer he rubbed circles on her back and shoulder, the longer she was in his arms. The thunder continued to rumble, mercilessly. “When I’m alone, it’s easier to deal with.” She said, pulling the cover down a little from her face to make sure her words were heard. Her warm breath hit his neck and he hoped she didn’t notice his shiver. “I don’t know why, but…when you’re here, I feel so vulnerable. Like I need you all of a sudden. As if I was just faking it while you were gone.” She covered her face again.

She NEEDED him. Caleb thought it was one of the most beautiful things she could ever say to him. He always wanted to be someone that she could rely on. He needed her to need him. That was his main purpose on this planet, he believed. As long as she needed him, he could keep going. The reason why her finding someone else scared him so much was because she wouldn’t need him anymore if she had someone else. Caleb found himself holding her even tighter, nuzzling his cheek on top of her covered head. 

“Is that so bad…” He desperately wondered out loud. “What’s wrong with needing me?”

“Because you’re going your own path, Caleb. I can’t keep you locked up in this house, can I?” She said into his chest, probably hoping that he couldn’t hear her. 

He did, though. And something about her saying that made his heart swell. He felt like he wasn’t alone with how he thought anymore. That although he had the craziest thoughts about her, he didn’t have to feel as guilty as having them because she thought them too. She just didn’t have as much trust in him. She’s deluded with the idea that something will come in-between them, when everything he does is for her. But at the same time, he believed the same thing. And even a whole part of him still believes that something CAN still take her away from him.

“You can be as greedy as you want to be,” was all Caleb could say. He waited for a response and felt her breathing at a rhythmic pace, asleep. He let out a sigh. Wishing he could keep talking to her, but at the same time was glad nonetheless. Happy that she was in his arms again. The light at the end of the tunnel flickering again, giving him hope. And soon, he fell asleep with her.

-

Caleb stirred awake from the vibration of his phone on the nightstand. His arms still wrapped around her. The alarm signified that she had to wake up for school. He kept the alarm on, even when he was at Skyhaven so he knew when to text her to have a good day. He found the curve of her shoulder before trying to softly shake her awake. “You have to get ready for class, Pipsqueak.” He quietly said.

Her face was out from under the sheets whilst the rest of her was wrapped up like a burrito. 

Caleb couldn’t help but stare at her, slightly pulling away so he could get a better view. The sunrise casted a soft glow on her face if he moved at the right angle. And he was able to admire her even better. Her pink lips, slightly chapped from sleep. A drool stain on the corner of her mouth, and her dark circles were evident from a rough time sleeping. The word ‘beautiful’ echoed in his brain, over and over again. 

The warmth and brightness of the sun was finally able to wake her up slowly. “Can I skip today…?” She mumbled, turning over, burying her face in the pillow.

He wanted to say no to her. It was always so hard for him to do so. Caleb knew that making her go to school would be the responsible thing. “Grandma wouldn’t allow that.” He said, avoiding blame.

“I’m 18 now, they don’t call guardians about absences when you’re 18.” She responded, matter-of-factly, lifting her head from the pillow so she was clear. “Besides, she’s going to the mountains today to visit her friend for the weekend.”

Caleb thought for a moment. A plan brewed in his head to get answers, a selfish plan. He wanted her to admit whatever she was doing the night before. He couldn’t get it out of her during the storm, but he felt confident this could have been the moment. But he wanted her to be more clear headed. “Wash up while I think about it. I’m going to make breakfast.” He poked her side, knowing she’d be ticklish, to wake her up.

She yelped and grumbled before unraveling herself from his sheets. “Fine.”

He noticed that she wouldn’t look at him. She avoided every means of eye contact, and he was doing the exact opposite. She was talking like normal, but he could see right through her. The tension from the previous night lingered. And whether it was regret or something else from what she did, it stuck with her.

Caleb felt lighter. She didn’t like Eric. She felt something for Caleb, but he couldn’t understand why she kept building a wall between them. He couldn’t fathom how oblivious she was that he was doing everything to mine his way past the wall. He wanted to bulldoze it, but he waited for her to make an opening first.

Her words of her needing him rung in his head, bringing a small smile to his face. He propped himself with one hand, and the other hand covered his mouth. Hiding the growing smile from no one, but he was just in shock. “I need you.” It replayed in his head a dozen times and he felt giddy. If a doctor could see everything playing in his brain, he would have been institutionalized. His heart swelled with her words. He needed to be needed by her. She was his life source and he wanted to be her pillar. If she moved on and found someone else to rely on, he’d crumble. And as strong as she may be, he didn’t doubt her skills or her smarts, he still wanted to be stronger and smarter so she could lean on him regardless. As wrong as it may have been, he wanted to be better because if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t need him.

After celebrating and battling his inner thoughts for a few more minutes, he got up to head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. 

It was a few minutes before she came out of the bathroom and plopped herself on a chair by the dining table. She was glued to her phone, eyebrows knitted, biting her lip.

He walked over with a plate of food for her. “What did I say about doing that?” He reached over to her to unlatch her lip, but she ever so slightly moved away from him. A miniscule but noticeable movement that made Caleb’s hand hover near her face before reeling it back.

“Sorry, I’m just kind of…” She dropped her phone on the table before grabbing a fork to eat. After taking a bite, she talked with her mouth full, “Can I please skip school, I don’t want to sit next to Eric today.”

Caleb gave in in an instant. Abandoning his plans of getting more answers from her. If staying home kept her away from the guy that tried kissing her the last night, he was agreeing to it. He sat across from her and gave her a reluctant yes. If wasn’t as attentive as he was, he would have missed the small twitch of her mouth, the corner turning upward for a split second.

They sat in silence, eating. Slightly uncomfortable as the tension lingered, but at the same time, slightly comfortable from being with each other at home. 

The two of them finished eating quietly. He was still unused to the way she volunteered herself to clean up the table afterwards. After years of unfulfilled promises of doing the dishes the following night, she began doing it without even being asked. It was bittersweet but more bitter on Caleb’s tongue. He was gone for so long, she began being independent in certain aspects.

“Are we going to talk about last night?” Caleb finally mustered up the courage to ask from the table while her back was turned towards him. The sound of scrubbing plates halted.

“Do we have to?” She said, setting the plate down onto the sink. “Can’t you just let it happen?”

He hated hearing the pain in her voice, but he didn’t want to just ignore everything. “That’s not fair.” He stood up and strided towards her. Grabbing her arm and turning her to face him, her gaze stuck on the floor. “What were you testing…? Why won’t you tell me? Why won’t you let me in?” He knew his eyes were pouring desperation and longed to meet hers. His hand moved to her chin to tilt her head upwards to meet gazes. “Please?”

“It’ll change everything, Caleb. I can’t do it.” She pleaded with him. 

“Change can be good, if you can just tell me. We can make whatever it is work.” His other hand let go of hers to wrap her face with his hands. “Won’t you trust me?”

They stood in the kitchen looking into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity. Both eyes mirrored the same desperation and pleading and uncertainty. She was the first to break it. She grabbed both of his hands to bring them down. “I’m not ready…can you just…can you wait for me?” Her eyes fell back to the floor, her hands fiddling with his trembling fingers.

Caleb thought that if there was a contest on who was more desperate, he was sure he’d win. But at this moment, she won by a mile. He pursed his lips and managed an understanding smile, not quite reaching his eyes but she wasn’t looking at him regardless. “I’ll always wait for you, Pipsqueak. I just hate feeling like I can’t help you.” He brought his hand back up to pat her head. “I hate seeing you like this and being unable to do anything.”

They could’ve stayed there for a bit longer until Caleb’s phone rang through the silence.

“Hello?” He answered without checking the Caller ID.

“Caleb, I know you’re in Linkon, but our project…the one due Monday. One of the parts fell apart during testing today. We need you back, as soon as possible.” It was Gideon, probably sounding the most desperate from the three. “I’d handle this myself, but to be honest, I don’t know how to. And you know how much we need this.” 

Caleb pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why can’t we do it tomorrow?”

“We only have the testing site reserved for today. I tried moving it to Sunday…knowing where you are, but it’s fully booked with everyone else. Not a single room is open this weekend. I’ll pay for your cab here, just get here soon. Please, I’m not taking any other answer. Let me know what time to send the cab there.” And with that, Gideon hung up.

Caleb let out a curse under his breath, covering his face with his hands to hide his frustration.

“Y-you have to leave?” She said, her voice breaking. 

His hands fell from his face to see her tearing up. He wondered if his heart shattering at the sight was audible. “Yeah…I’m sorry, Pipsqueak. Really I-” He tried defending himself but she pushed past him and ran to her room, slamming the door.

He texted Gideon a string of curses before giving a ready time of an hour. Caleb finished the dishes and left multiple notes on the fridge: a how-to-reheat-cinnamon-rolls, an apology note with a drawing of an apple on an airplane, and an ‘IOU amusement park trip’ coupon. He then grabbed his wallet from his room to pull out one of the many ‘forgiveness’ coupons she gave him when they were kids and slipped it under her door before taking a shower.

Once he was clean and packed up, he stopped by her door and knocked on it. “Can you at least see me out, Pipsqueak? I don’t want to leave like this.” He begged. Caleb waited for a few minutes before accepting defeat and walking away. He combed through his hair with his fingers, fully frustrated at the events that rolled out after wanting to spend as much time with her as he could. 

As he walked through the front yard to head to the cab, he heard the door open behind him and saw her running up to him, crying. She wrapped her arms around his waist, making him stumble backward. Her cheek was pressed up against his chest, surely hearing his pounding heart. “I’m sorry for being such a coward, Caleb.”

He never understood how his confident voice seemed to get lost every time she was involved as she was. All he could do was stare at the top of her head and press his hand on her back. 

They stayed like that for a minute before the cab honked their horn, and let go of him just as quickly, running back inside while wiping her tears with her arms.

A soft smile played on his lips as the realization of being closer to his dreams settled in his heart.

Chapter 7

“Why were you so hostile over the phone, did something happen?” Gideon pried while Caleb was tinkering angrily at the piece of metal that ruined his weekend. “You know it’s only Friday, you can still go back…if you finish that part.” Gideon looked over to Caleb ignoring him. “Or invite her here. I can stay with our pal, Patrick, and she can take my bed.” 

“Really?” Caleb decidedly stopped ignoring him and looked towards Gideon. “Should I?”

Gideon’s hand tightened around the wrench he was holding, seemingly holding back from throwing it at him. “If you had a tail, it’d be wagging like a helicopter blade right now,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, really. Don’t even think about texting her yet until we finish here.”

Caleb could barely keep in his excitement as he worked on fixing his ticket to a better weekend. His leg happily bouncing on the work stool he sat on, he even found himself humming to a song.

“Now will you tell me what happened that warranted for me to learn three new curse words?” Gideon prodded. 

“You’re so nosy.” Caleb snorted. “She said she didn’t like the guy anymore…kind of. In a way, she basically said she didn’t like him.” He kept the story short because he didn’t want to get too excited. And he didn’t want to overshare in fear of it turning out to be wrong or bringing his hopes too high. He was still in a headrush from the line “I need you.” And he wasn’t sure if he’d ever recover. 

Gideon gave him an impressed look but didn’t ask for more. A reason why Caleb liked Gideon was because he was an observant guy. Nosy was a better word, but he would also know the right time and place to be nosy.

They continued to work silently and efficiently. Three hours passed by before their project was back to working.

-

Caleb practically flew out of the testing sites to grab his phone to call her. After three rings, she picked up.

“Caleb?” She answered, confused. 

The confidence drained out of Caleb. He was just with her that morning and they even slept in the same bed the previous night, but when he heard her voice again, he felt like a middle school boy talking to his crush for the first time. “H-hey.” 

“Hi…” She replied, with the same shyness and a hint of confusion. “Did you…need something?”

“Do you want to come visit me? Here in Skyhaven?” He asked, full of hope. The last time she was at Skyhaven was for the tours before school started, and that was with Grandma. 

“Next weekend? I don’t think I can.” She replied, a little sad.

“No, right now…I can talk to Grandma and then send you a cab.” He excitedly said. “Bring some clothes, my roommate will sleep at a friend’s so you can sleep over in my dorm.”

“Just us two?” She asked, her question lined with disbelief.

“We’ve shared a bedroom before, Pipsqueak. Why are you so surprised?” Caleb cocked his head to the side with confusion, until the realization settled in. “Oh, I guess it’s kind of different…” Since they were usually in the home they shared with Grandma, and this time they would be truthfully alone. An awkward situation for a pair that had obvious feelings for each other. “If you want, I can also sleep in a different room, and you can have the dorm to yourself. I just want to spend time with you.” Caleb recovered, hoping she wouldn’t decline. 

“I don’t want you to go somewhere else…I was just flustered a little. Don’t worry about it. I’d love to come.” She said after a few seconds. “I’ll let Gran know, too. I’m gonna get ready then. See you soon, Caleb.” 

“See you, Pipsqueak.” He could barely squeeze out. Something about the way she said his name left him speechless. She rarely used his name if it wasn’t to greet him or to call him. The excitement filled him to the brim and he ran back to his dorm to clean.

He wasn’t a messy person, but Gideon wasn’t a super neat person. And he wasn’t going to let her sleep on some other guy’s sheets, even if it was just Gideon’s.

“Do I get to meet her?” Gideon asked while Caleb was wiping every surface and vacuuming every inch of the floor. 

“If you throw your sheets in the wash, I’ll think about it.” Caleb responded.

“Did you tell her that you told everyone you have a girlfriend back home that’s basically just her?” Gideon reminded him.

Caleb stopped in his tracks.  Another wave of realization. When he first got to the DAA, he was bombarded by affection from many of his classmates. Although he was used to this attention from high school, it was a lot harder to work with at the academy. He was a lot busier and they were a lot more persistent. Rejecting them was getting more tedious for him since many of them asked for an explanation. When he first went back home to visit, he snagged one of her many hairties from her desk, the frilliest one, and wore it around campus. He read from a college forum that many boyfriends used this method to deter other people from flirting with him. Unfortunately for Caleb, word got around that he came back to the academy with a new status. Many of them asked about his girlfriend and he found it a lot easier to talk about the girl back home than rejecting girls left and right. He ended up going along with the story of having a girlfriend in Linkon and it significantly kept him unbothered.

Caleb cursed under his breath. “Surely no one will…”

“They will.” Gideon finished his thought. “Not everyone goes home for the weekend, why do you think I’m here? Someone will definitely stop you and ask about her.” He compiled his sheets and began walking out of the room. “I’ll be back to grab my stuff…Don’t explode trying to think of a solution.”

Caleb sat on a chair trying to figure out what to do. There was no way she wouldn’t be weirded out by him for doing this, but at the same time, she could be a very understanding person. Whichever her reaction would be, the only choice he really had was to come clean.  He internally cursed at himself. The entire time he pretended she was his girlfriend to everyone at the academy didn’t feel like a lie to him. Mainly because he WAS rejecting everyone for her. The title was the only lie. 

His phone buzzed on the table to find a message from her: “be there in 10 mins…i think. can u pick me up from the entrance?”

He was filled with multiple emotions. Excitement of spending the weekend with her, like planned. Anxiety and guilt with having to tell her what he’s been doing. And extreme anxiety and longing from being completely in love with her.

He took a moment to recuperate his thoughts before finishing his cleaning. He even changed the sheets on Gideon’s bed and set his bag by the door for easy access. After a few more finishing touches to the place, he grabbed his keys and headed out.

He jogged to the front of the academy, excited. Somehow the trees in Skyhaven became greener despite it being autumn, nearing winter. The air became less humid, and the atmosphere seemed brighter to him. His anxious feeling lingered, but the previous disappointment of leaving her was forgotten and the giddiness of spending the weekend together took over.

As he got closer to the gates, he saw the cab stop and her step out. She was dressed in a long flowy beige skirt with an olive green oversized cardigan. Her long hair spilled over her shoulder as she got out of the car, and the sun hit her perfectly. Caleb thought that even if she was in her pajamas, his mouth would still salivate at the sight. Something about her being on the same ground that he’s been trapped in for the past few weeks and the next few years made him feel elated. He was also in a pit of sorrow a couple of hours ago on the cab back to the academy. The image of her crying when she realized he had to leave was etched into his brain and it clawed him from the inside out. But at that moment, it was so easily erased with the new face he saw of her making eye contact with him at the gates of the school.

“Caleb!” She waved at him with a wide grin. She shut the car door and walked towards his direction. 

He slowed down his speed as he got closer and scooped her up into his arms when they made contact. A bubbly laugh left her and tickled his ear and he spun her. He held her for a few seconds before dropping her back to her feet. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear before holding her face lovingly. “Hey.”

Her face was slow;y turning a pink hue. “Hi…you’re acting like we weren’t just together in the morning.” She attempted to pry his hands away from her face.

He pulled her into another hug, “I know. I just thought I wasn’t going to see you again for another month, let me enjoy this.” He rested his chin on her head and felt her arms wrap around his waist. “I was also hoping that me being this affectionate will help lessen the anger that might come from what I am about to tell you in a few seconds.”

She stiffened under his arms. She tried to push him off, but he kept her pressed against his chest. His heart racing from the contact and from freaking out about his confession. 

“Remember the hairtie you lost.” He started. He peeled her off his chest and looked at her confused face before walking her to a bench under a tree and sitting her down. He then knelt in front of her before continuing his story. “I stole it to wear around campus so people would think I had a girlfriend and they would stop bothering me.” He fled through his words hoping she wouldn’t focus on details. “Except they were more curious than I thought and kept asking about my ‘girlfriend’ so I just pretended it was…” He looked down at the floor as he finished. “You.” 

“Huh? Me? And you stole my scrunchie?” She held her chin with her hand, contemplating the details.

Caleb pulled his DAA jacket sleeve up to reveal the hair tie on his wrist. “I heard it keeps girls away from you…” He sheepishly explained.

She gave him a grumpy face, which was then replaced with a puzzled look. “Why me…? Couldn’t you just have a fake girl in mind.”

He shrugged. He could have just outright said how deeply in love he was with her and he was just manifesting the situation that she would be his girlfriend. Or maybe that he was taking notes from all the dramas she watched back then where they would fake-date and then end up actually dating in the end. There were multiple things he thought he could have said. “You were the only girl I could think of. And you were all I could really talk about…” He ended up saying.

Her breath hitched slightly and her face turned red before looking away from him. “You’re saying weird things…” She chewed on her lip.

Caleb got up and grabbed her face again, his thumb tapping on her lip like usual. “Are you mad?”

She took a second to think, her cheeks warm on Caleb’s hands. She grabbed his wrists and pulled them down and held it in front of her before shaking her head. “I don’t think so…A little about my scrunchie,” She looked at him and softly smiled at him, “I don’t really mind your plan.”

Her smile made him want to lift her up in the air and give her a big confessional greedy kiss. He held himself back instead and returned the smile. “Great because we are definitely going to be stopped by multiple people at the dorms. So get ready.” He held his hand out to her. “We have to play the part. Let’s drop your stuff off and then I’ll take you to a bakery nearby.”

She hesitated slightly before standing up. Her hand taking his, intertwining her fingers with his. He thought they fit together like puzzle pieces, perfectly. Caleb was slightly worried that his hand would sweat profusely from the nervousness he was feeling. 

A sort of sadness settled in his heart. That he was holding her hand so intimately under false pretenses. They held hands before, but it was never with interlocked fingers. She was the one who told him that only couples would hold hands that way. And he was always waiting for that transition in their relationship.

“Are you going to show me around later?” She asked. It was a bit of a silent walk as Caleb sulked about faking holding hands.

“Weren’t you with me on the DAA tour, Pipsqueak?” He cocked his eyebrow at her.

She rolled her eyes at him and pinched his arm. “Yeah, but now I want the tour from the hotshot freshman that’s stayed here for weeks on end instead of coming home.” She pouted at him.

“Yeah, yeah. This hotshot will give you a more personal tour.” He laughed, the sound reverberating through his chest. He felt warm and comfortable with her.

They walked through the paths of the academy, hand in hand. The previous night and morning’s quarrels seem to be forgotten. Not in Caleb’s mind, completely. Only repressed for him to over analyze again at some point. But at that moment, he was worry-free. 

“I’m glad you’re here, Pipsqueak,” he softly said to her.

She let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around his arm. “Me too, Caleb.”

As they reached a more crowded part of campus, murmurs could be heard. Whispers of rumors and exclamations floated all around them. As more people looked, the tighter her grip on him became. “You’re really popular…” She mumbled.

“I think you’re the star of the show, this time.” Caleb had some sort of pride inflating inside of his chest. Even if it was pretend at that moment, he was able to claim the prettiest woman in his eyes as his to everyone around him. He was proud of everyone looking at her that she was clung to his arm. He tried fighting the smile that threatened to erupt from his face out of fear of her detecting how much he enjoyed what was happening.

“They’re all looking at us.” She glanced desperately up towards him.

He confidently smiled back. “They’re curious as to who managed to steal the cold-hearted wannabe pilot’s heart, Pip. I was brutally rejecting everyone.” He lied. Although he didn’t really care for anyone who paid him any attention, he never wanted to be an asshole either. 

He was met with another eyeroll. “As if. You couldn’t even hurt a fly.”

Caleb laughed at her internally. She was oblivious. Caleb recalled the intricate plans he had the day before to get rid of Eric. There was also the time he locked her in the attic to fight some bullies in their neighborhood. He was glad that she could only see the nice side of him.

A classmate of his walked up to them, “Woah, Caleb! Is this the girlfriend you were talking about?” His attention towards her, “Some of us thought he was lying to get out of going to parties. He said you were a clingy one. I guess he was telling the truth after all!” He laughed.

Caleb choked out an awkward laugh. “Clingy girlfriends are a brag, you know.” He looked towards her, fearing that she would feel awkward and put on the spot. 

Her grip on him tightened and she looked up at him with puppy eyes, mimicking the ones he gave her when he whined. “Have I been taking your time away from your friends?”

The classmate was the one to answer, “Oh, don’t mind us! Since you’re real, we’ll just sulk in jealousy instead. We were worried he was just brushing us off. Hope you guys have a good day!” He ran off to tell the rest of his classmates. 

“Hm, what else do you say about me?” She dropped his arm to enter another pondering pose. 

Caleb scoffed, “Besides being my girlfriend, everything I say about you is very truthful.” He wasn’t lying, he would just prefer not to repeat all the lovey-dovey things he’s said about her. Someone once asked what she looked like and he went on a whole ramble about how her eyes sparkled.

A familiar face was walking nearby, the one that made nasty comments about the photo of her on Caleb’s phone. Caleb’s jaw tightened as his arm snaked around her waist and guided her to keep walking. 

“What’s wrong?” She shivered from his new hold.

“I don’t like some people, just keep walking. We’re almost to the dorm.” His grip on her was stiff, but he tried to be gentle. “Don’t walk around campus alone at any time, okay? Skyhaven isn’t as safe as Linkon.”

“You’re kind of scary sometimes. Maybe you would hurt a fly if they were mean first, huh?” She noted. “But alright, I wasn’t planning on leaving your side anyways.”

The ice grip on his heart melted in seconds as she said that, a blush creeping up his neck onto his ears. 

They finally made it to the dorm and saw Gideon outside the door. “Ugh, finally. I forgot my key and you took forever to get back.” He got up from the floor and his eyes lit up seeing the girl on Caleb’s arm. “Woah! It’s you! Nice to meet you!” He extended his hand out for a handshake. “Caleb quite literally never shuts up about you. I think you’ve seen me in the background of some of your guys’ calls. I’m Gideon, his roommate.”

She giggled and took his hand. “Hi! Caleb’s mentioned you too. I hope he hasn’t said anything too bad about me. He talks badly about you all the time.” She joked.

Gideon punched Caleb playfully. “Ass.”

Caleb took his key out to open the door and let the two of them in. 

“Thank you again for letting me sleep here.” She said to Gideon.

“After what happened this morning, I don’t think he was going to let me sleep in here anyways. Better put it to good use if it’s not me. I’m gonna head out now. Maybe we can all have dinner together before whenever you leave!” Gideon said packing some more essentials before grabbing his bag and leaving. 

“Your roommate’s cute.” She said, plopping onto his bed.

Caleb’s whole body stiffened.

“In a kind of dumb way, he seems funny though.” She laughed, signifying a lack of attraction.

And then he relaxed. “Don’t call my roommate cute, that’s gross. And you’re supposed to be my girlfriend when you’re here, Pip. What if someone heard you?” He looked at her with an accusatory glare.

Her mouth fell open and then closed, as if she took back what she was going to say. Her face dropped a bit.

“What’s wrong?” Caleb asked, walking towards her before kneeling beside the bed to rest his hand atop of hers. “Did I say something wrong?”

She sat up and looked at their hands touching. “I’m all for being your…’girlfriend,’” she made air quotes as she said it, slipping away from his hand. “But…how is it so easy for you to joke about it? Is it that funny?” She bit her lip, looking at him with desperation in her eyes.

“I…” Caleb was at a loss for words. It wasn’t easy for him at all, but he wanted to play it off as something playful so she wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable. “If I showed you how hard it was, I’d scare you away.” He knew that if he showed his feelings for her first, he wouldn’t know if she would be ready yet and he'd spook her.

There was a moment of silence between the two. The tension from the previous night seeped back, and the previously airy and open space became hard to breathe in. She took his face into her hands. “Are you suffering as much as I am, Caleb?” Her head tilted, questioning him. “Am I really the reason why you won’t date anyone here?” Her thumb caressed his cheek and her fingers lightly touched his warm red ears. 

His face felt like it was on fire and was electrified where she held him. He pursed his lips, suddenly terrified. He nodded slightly, fearing that his voice would crack if he tried to answer.

She slowly leaned forward, inching further and further to close the distance. It wasn’t like the night before. Her eyes were filled with desperation once again, but none of the hesitation was present. And was instead replaced with yearning and fire. “Do you…like me, Caleb?” Her breath was hot against his lips.

Another weak nod was all he could muster. He wanted to close the gap so badly, his arms were taut with holding himself back. But he waited for her to make the move.

“Can I…” She looked at his lips and then back at his eyes.

That counted for him. That was her first move, and he finally crashed his lips onto hers.

Chapter 8

Caleb felt like his heart exploded the moment his lips met with hers. Once he saw her eyes flutter close, he took it as a sign of her erasing the invisible line she created between them. Their lips moved against each other, awkwardly at first, but neither of them seemed to care. There was raw passion and desire in their touches, but Caleb had evident hunger for her the way he swallowed every breath and sigh she let out. He thought her lips were soft and warm, and wanted to explore even further.

He pulled away slightly, his eyes glazed with desperate intent. “Can you…open your mouth a little more, please.” He pushed himself up from the ground and set his knee on the bed, straddling her partially. The position made her push herself up further into the bed. Her eyes looked for his and she nodded before Caleb dived in again. His tongue pushing past hers and exploring her, trying to remember and map every inch. Caleb fully got on top of her and pulled away to rest his forehead on hers. Both were out of breath as he said, “If this is a dream, please don’t wake me up.” In complete disbelief of their position, his eyes were blown out as he looked down at her. The same expression painted her face, as she reached up at him to trace his features with her fingers. Caleb caught her hand and nuzzled his nose into it, “I would have waited for centuries for you…I just think I would have exploded doing so.”

Her eyes started to water and she pushed his shoulder to switch positions. It was his turn to lay flat on the bed, with her on top of him. She straddled him and cupped his face again. “I’m terrified of losing you, Caleb. I thought it would have been better if we just stayed how we did…but it was hard to imagine if you…did this with anyone else.” She slipped off her oversized cardigan, revealing only a thin tank top underneath, with nothing else. The sight alone made Caleb feel dizzy.

Yet, Caleb found the strength to sit up, closing the distance between the two of them again. He guided her arms to wrap around his neck. The soft caress of his fingers on her arms made her shiver and he kissed her again, with more fervor, tilting his head to get a better angle. He wanted her to stop worrying and be in the moment with him. He had the exact same worries and he knew how deep the pit was in his chest all those years. Yet, at this moment, it felt like it was full again. Caleb put a hand on the small of her back, pushing her even closer to him before he pulled away from her but kept their noses touching. “I could never be with anyone that wasn’t you…you’re the one who tried replacing me, Pipsqueak. I thought I was gonna kill someone…” He captured her lips again as tears fell from her eyes. In between kisses, he said, “Was I not…enough…for you?” He moved from her lips, to her cheeks, catching every tear that spilled from her eyes.

“I thought it would help me move on and let you be happy with anyone you met here.” She mumbled, burying her head in the nook of his neck. “I thought he was enough like you, but I knew it’d never be enough.” Her arms tightened around him. “What if we don’t work out?”

His chest tightened as he peeled her off of him in order to look her in the eyes. “I’d do anything for you, you know that, right? Are you scared I won’t be good enough or are you scared you don’t like me enough…?” 

She shook her head, pouting. “What if you meet some-”

He stopped her with another kiss. “I could never love anyone else…please trust me.” He begged. Peppering kisses down her jaw and neck. He knew he was risking it by saying the word “love.” But he wanted to be open to her. He wanted to assure her that she was the only thing on his mind and in his future. 

Her face turned red and her eyes had fire behind them. Half-lidded, she grabbed his face again and surged forward for a deep, fiery kiss. As if his words lit something inside of her. She pushed him down and situated herself more comfortably on top of him. 

The movements on top of Caleb made his pants tighten. His face turned redder from her actions, and everything felt hot. He wanted to lift her away from his lap so she couldn’t feel what was stirring in his pants, but she grabbed his hands and guided it to move under her skirt. His fingers caressing her bare calves, hiking up her long skirt further and further until his hands rested on her warm thighs. His eyes shot open as he realized the only fabrics separating the two of them was their underwear and his pants. Her fingers played with the waistband of his pants, and he thought he was going to pass out

She rolled her hips onto the growing heat of his pants, and he pathetically whined into her mouth. It took everything in him to stop her hips from moving even more. “Pips, please.” Caleb thought he could have finished in his pants the moment he saw the desperation and want in her face. When he stopped her, a look of hurt replaced it.

“You don’t want…” She started to say, worried.

He threw his head back and covered his eyes with his elbow. “I do, gods, I want you so bad.” His hips jerked upward, accidentally or by instinct he thought. Another whine left his lips and a soft moan left hers, making his pants even hotter and tighter. “I just don’t want our first time to be like this,” he managed a chuckle through his tight throat. “I haven’t even taken you out on a date yet. And you haven’t even said you’d be mine…” He dropped his hand and sat back up. She squirmed in his lap, looking for friction and he held his breath before saying more, gripping on her hips to keep her from moving. “So…will you? Be mine?” He looked at her, his eyes piercing into her glazed eyes until he could see her regain clarity from the same head rush he was experiencing. 

She leaned her forehead to rest onto his, her hips restless and relentless against his hands. “Only if you’re mine and only mine, Caleb.” A small moan escaped her lips and Caleb took no time to swallow it with a kiss. She pulled back after a bit to say, “Plan the date then, Caleb. I’ve been waiting for so long, it’s getting harder to hold back.” Pleading into another kiss, her hips moving stronger against the growth in his pants. 

He couldn’t tell who was at fault at the growing dampness of his pants, if it was her or his own doing. Or a combination of the two of them. It made him light headed as he gave in, moving against her own hips. His arms wrapped around her waist, pushing him to move stronger against him. Caleb whined into another kiss, exploring further and deeper into her mouth. Their tongues fought against who got to explore who, but she moved even stronger against his warmth, making him gasp against her. “I…” He tried to tell her that he wasn’t going to last any longer. The sounds coming out of her, her lips against his, and her body against his body was driving him insane. Even though there were as many layers as there was against them, it still felt better than when Caleb released the pressure himself. It felt like heaven to him already, if he imagined how it was to be inside of her, he would have definitely made a mess on the spot. 

“Caleb, can you…” She moaned against his lips, breathing heavily. Her fingers trailed down his face, neck, chest, stomach. Down in between her legs, playing with the button on his jeans. “Take these off, I just…I just want to feel closer to you.” She pulled back and moved herself to sit on his thighs. “We won’t go all the way, I promise. Just please, let me feel you a little more. I need you.” 

The three words ignited something inside Caleb. He lifted her with an arm underneath her bottom, flipping her back swiftly onto the bed, earning a yelp from her. He pushed her skirt fully upwards to expose her underwear and airing the obvious dampness and excitement. His eyes were half-lidded, staring down at her. Any sign of fear or hesitation melted away from the three words, and they were replaced with extreme yearning and desire. Caleb unbuttoned his pants and swiftly peeled them off, without breaking eye contact, leaving him in his boxers. He quickly laid back on top of her, slotting himself in-between her legs. The two moaned into each other’s mouths, as he grinded into her with even more strength. His pace quickened as her moans and whines got even louder. The bed creaking louder underneath them. “I never thought…I’d be able to have you like this.” He moaned into her neck. 

“Me neither…oh god.” She brought her hand up to her mouth to stifle her own sounds, but Caleb quickly grabbed her wrist and pinned it beside her head.

“Don’t…please. If I don’t hear you, I’m going to think this really is just a dream. Please.” He begged into her neck, leaving marks as she squirmed underneath him. “I’m so close.” He let go of her wrist, moving it down to hook under her waist to lift her up at an angle, so she would be more exposed to him. His right arm keeps his weight from crushing her.

She nodded, “Me too, Caleb. Please don’t stop.” She grabbed his face and pulled it away from her neck to pull him towards another kiss. A messy and uncoordinated kiss, matching the same uncoordinated thrusts that Caleb was putting out as he slowly lost more and more control. Their uneven breaths and moans entangled with each other as they shared the same air while chasing the same high.

He felt her shiver and tense up underneath him as she came undone, and he spilled into his own garments, tears pricking his eyes as he was hit with multiple shockwaves of his orgasm and he cried. He tried to keep up his own weight to avoid crushing her, as he rested his head in the crook of her neck, hiccuping into it. He didn’t know why he cried at first, until the fog of sex slightly cleared, leaving him in a state of immense jubilation. He didn’t know it was possible for him to cry tears of happiness until that moment where he cried from the pure ecstasy he felt. He stayed hiding his face, because he felt embarrassed that the first time they participated in a sexual act, he ended up crying.

She softly twitched underneath him, recovering from her own high. She pushed him softly off of her, “Caleb, are you crying?” A hint of worry was in her breathless voice, as she sat up to look at him, still twitching every now and then.

Caleb lied on his back, covering his eyes with his elbow once again, as tears fell from his eyes. “Don’t laugh…” he said in between hiccups. He reached out to one of her hands, intertwining their fingers together before putting it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “I’ve never done anything like this before and being able to experience something like this with you…is overwhelming me…in a good way. I just can’t seem to stop.” 

She giggled softly, making Caleb peek at her to pout. “I said, don’t laugh.” He sniffled into her hand before she unraveled their fingers and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“Seeing you like this…makes me feel more confident that it wasn’t as one-sided as I thought.” She smiled before kissing his lips, a small meaningful peck. Her hands wiping the tears from his cheeks. “I almost thought you were crying because you regretted it.” 

“Your trust in me seriously needs some work, Pip.” He calmly said, holding her hand that rested on his cheek. “You’re insane if you seriously thought that.” His hand moved up to the back of her neck, pulling her down for another kiss.

Then the door burst open with Gideon walking in, looking down at his phone. “Hey sorry, I left my–” He stopped as he looked up to see the two of them on his bed. Although she may have looked somewhat normal despite her blown up pupils and messy hair, Caleb was lying down in his boxers. A rather evident crime scene. “Guys. On my bed?!” He scoffed, close to yelling. “As happy as I am that Caleb grew a pair. He has his own bed like six feet away.” He turned around with his hands on his head, in disbelief. “You know what…keep that mattress. Keep the sheets. I’m going to beg Patrick to let me move in.” He turned back around and left through the open doorway, slamming the door shut.

“We can deal with that later.” Caleb said, continuing what he was doing before Gideon interrupted them. And she leaned down, giggling into another kiss. As embarrassing as it was, he couldn’t care less because he was able to finally call her, his. 

Chapter 9

After a shower and a change of clothes, Caleb decided to switch beds with Gideon. He gave him a video call while she was in the shower to apologize. He wanted her to wash up first, but the mess in his boxers was a lot more unmanageable.

“You’re lucky Patrick won’t let me move in here…” Gideon grumbled. It was his turn to be upset at Caleb after that morning’s cold shoulder. A slight glint in Gideon’s eyes showed extreme interest in the current situation. “So…I’m assuming things are great.” And then as if remembering the reason for the call, he gruffed and rolled his eyes. “I mean, it better be if it was worth violating my bed.”

Caleb sat on his desk, propping his phone up to talk to Gideon hands-free. He took a quick glance at the room’s bathroom to check if the water was still running. He then looked back towards the phone and smiled. “Dude.” The events that happened just a few minutes before replayed in his mind and he buried his face in his hands, hiding the smile that was growing from ear-to-ear.

“Dude.” Gideon replied. The one-word exchange held a thousand words for the two.

Caleb dragged his hands down to make his eyes visible. “Am I dreaming?” He asked, slightly muffled.

“I’ll go over and beat the crap out of you, right now, and that’ll let you know if you are. I’m still upset, I’m hanging up…but I’m happy for you. Be safe. And stay OFF of my bed.” A genuine smile before annoyance flashed through his face before hanging up.

Caleb got up to lay on his bed to stare at the ceiling, giddy with the scenes replaying in his head. Every sound and word being manually ingrained into every crevice of his brain. It was making it hard for him to imagine having to go weeks without her, and it was also making him hard again. It was a lot easier to control before. Fueled by fear of being caught, he somehow managed to hide any hints of arousal around her. Now that he’s experienced bliss, it’s as if it has a mind of its own now. It was as if she held the key to every emotion, and she finally opened his heart to feel everything clearly. A weight was physically lifted off his shoulder and he just splayed out on the bed and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

She stepped out of the bathroom a few moments after and he propped himself up with his elbow to look at her. She was dressed in a simple attire of baggy jeans and a cropped tank top that hugged every curve on her upper body. Caleb felt like someone knocked the air out of his lungs as he studied her.

She stopped in her tracks on her way towards him as he saw her reation. Cocking her head to the side and crossing her arms, “You’re acting like you’ve never seen me wear this before…you bought this for me, too.” She tuts at him before walking over and throwing a small towel at him. “Dry my hair.” She basically commanded him, sitting on the floor beside the bed.

He HAD seen her wear the outfit multiple times, and he was the one who chose the color since she insisted on getting the top despite it being too short in his opinion. Yet, there was an aura to her that screamed ‘I like Caleb!’ The change of their relationship made her glow a million times more than before, and he wondered if he needed to start wearing his aviator glasses around her now. “You took the space out of ‘girl’ and ‘friend’, and now I’m forever shocked by your presence, Pips. If it’s a crime to find your girlfriend breathtaking, then lock me up, officer.” He teased her.

She groaned before turning her head to look back at him, “You’re so chee-” 

He cut her off by leaning forward and running his fingers through the back of her head and pushing her towards him for another kiss. She softly moaned into it and automatically opened her mouth to him, making Caleb smirk against her lips before pulling away. She looked surprised and dazed when he did so, before giving him a pout. “I thought you wanted me to dry your hair. Turn around.” He said, feigning innocence. 

She looked like she was about to say something before turning around, grumbling. 

He took the towel from his lap and started scrunching her wet hair with it. He felt water droplets on her neck so he took a corner to wipe them off, his pinky caressing the tip of her ear, causing her to shiver. Whether he did it on accident or on purpose was all up to Caleb. 

His phone started ringing on his desk and she quickly got up. 

“Can you go check who it is? Grab the hairbrush while you’re up over there.” Caleb said to her, lying back down. 

“It’s Gideon.” She said, grabbing his phone and the brush before going back to him. Instead of sitting back on the floor, she climbed on top of him and laid her head on his chest, handing him the two objects.

He grabbed his phone while letting the hairbrush fall to his side, and his other arm held her still against his chest while he answered, putting him on speaker. “Hey, you’re on speaker.”

“I forgot to tell you that the shooting club’s event is at the range tonight. They’re holding a competition for the most points shot, and I heard prizes include a romantic dinner.” Gideon chuckled. “They also include that one video game I really want, if someone wanted to make it up to me that I found them doing sinful things on my bed…but whatever.” Caleb could almost hear him roll his eyes. 

He looked down to find her eyes and saw them staring at his phone, lit up. “Can I join? Can I shoot too?” She asked, grabbing the phone from him. 

“Oh right, I heard you wanted to be a Hunter. Yeah, you just need to pay the off-campus fee, but you can enter the competition too. Try and win me the game, and I’ll consider letting Caleb go home on the weekends.” Gideon said. “You know I’m his partner for everything, if I slack off…a certain someone will have to stay on campus longer to work on our assignments twice as hard.”

She rolled off of Caleb and lied beside him, gasping. “You’re mean!”

“You did stuff on my bed! I don’t wanna hear it, missy! I’ll see you both later!” He hung up.

She threw the phone onto his chest and flipped onto her belly. “That’s so embarrassing! He’s never letting it go!” She screamed, muffled by the pillow.

Caleb laughed at her before getting on his side to play with her hair. Grabbing the hairbrush to run through it, he asked, “You still want to go to the shooting range later?” He ran the brush through her hair. He wqs hoping he could take her out to somewhere romantic, right at that moment, but winning a more expensive date sounded fun for him too. Seeing her eyes light up was also a big motivation for him. Although he thought she was more excited about shooting guns than going out with him. “Are you trying to get experience shooting before the academy?”

She pushed herself up from the pillow before facing her body towards him, taking the hairbrush from him and setting it down. “Can we? It sounds cool…I never fired one before. Except for that toy gun you got me a couple years ago. Remember how we were shooting apples and soda cans.” She reached out to pinch his cheek. “I was always so much better than you.” She giggled, scooting over to him to wrap her arms around his chest and nuzzling into it. 

Caleb scoffed, “Yeah sure, you were the perfect shot. Let’s see how you handle recoil later.” He rolled his eyes, patting her head. He hoped she couldn’t hear his heart at that moment. The idea that they could do this mundane couple move was making him ecstatic. “The event’s in two hours, do you still want to go to the cafe?”

She shook her head, “I want to stay like this for a bit.”

“Alright, Pipsqueak. Whatever you want.” He placed a kiss on the top of her head as he held her tighter against him. “Are you gonna nap?” His voice lowers. His hand rubbing circles on her back while the other plays with her hair.

She moves back slightly to rest her chin on his chest to be able to look up at him. The adjustment made him move a bit back so he could look at her also. A comfortable silence took over as they stared into each other’s eyes.

Caleb took the hand that was playing with her hair to brush away the hair on her forehead. Then he planted a soft kiss onto it, lingering for a moment. When he pulled away, her eyes fluttered open to look at him again. “How long were you going to make me wait for you?”

She pursed her lips and then shimmied her hands free from around him before cupping his cheeks. “How long would you have waited?” Her eyes falling from his and landing on his lips.

“Forever.” He scooted back so he could take his hand and place it under her chin to force her to make eye contact with him again. “I thought I was going to kill someone when you told me you liked someone.” She winced at her decisions previously, biting her lip. Caleb tuts. “You need to fix this habit of yours, Pip.” His thumb pulls down her bottom lip free from her teeth before swooping into a kiss. He held her tight against him, afraid that she’d float away somehow. Her hands moved from his face to around his neck, her right hand running through his hair, sending a shiver down his spine. 

-

“I’m glad you guys made it!” Gideon ran over to them through the sea of other club members. 

The two of them walked into the shooting range hand in hand. Caleb made her wear his DAA hoodie since he knew the shooting club was mainly men. And as much as he wanted her to be free to do whatever she wanted, he didn’t trust himself to NOT knock someone out if they looked at her incorrectly. She provided no resistance, regardless. 

The shooting club held shooting events every other week. Caleb and Gideon weren’t official members due to time constraints of their general meetings, but it was open to the public. Gun safety and training was part of the DAA curriculum, so it was good for the two to join in. To Caleb’s knowledge, this would be her first time shooting a real gun, though. They used to shoot wooden pellet guns before, as well as air rifles, but never real ones.

“Just register over there. Quick! They’re gonna start soon.” Gideon ushered them to the counter. 

“You ready to shoot a real gun, Pipsqueak?” Caleb guided her with a hand on the small of her back through the crowd. “Keep in mind what I taught you on how to hold it.”

She nodded, giddy. “I can’t wait, let’s go!” She grabbed his wrist and made him walk faster.

As soon as they paid and got set up, Caleb went first so she could watch him. The contest consisted of five shots in total. The bullseye was ten points and each ring after, one point less. Much like the rules of archery. Caleb wasn’t an amazing shooter, by any means. But he was an above-average shot. Despite having the same experience as her, he was able to learn quickly on how to be precise and steady. This landed him with two bullseye shots and others close to it. One shot was a bit far off since he heard her laugh loudly behind him from what he assumed was a joke made by Gideon. He couldn’t tell if he was just entranced by her happiness or jealous that someone else made her laugh. Regardless, he lost his focus. This landed him with forty-one points.

He went back to her and she gave him a quick hug to lean into his ear so she could yell through ear protection, “That was hot, Caleb! My turn! My turn!” 

His face felt hot and he laughed, pushing past her so he could watch her turn. The range was reset for her and she lined herself up, planting her feet on the floor. Her stance reminded him of when they were kids and she was shooting soda cans in the backyard, and he couldn’t help but smile. He saw her take a deep breath before pulling the trigger as she exhaled. Bullseye.

His eyes widened as he looked up at the screen that showed where the bullet landed, and it was dead center. He looked over at Gideon who had the same expression, mouth agape. Caleb knew she was a good shot, but he didn’t know how well wooden pellets could translate to actual machinery. In her case, it might have been perfect.

Another shot. Bullseye. And then another. Bullseye.

He didn’t realize it, but a few more people gathered around her, watching. “Is that your girlfriend?” An acquaintance of his shouted next to him. 

His chest swelled with pride. After all those weeks of lying to everyone, he could finally respond with a truthful yes. “She’s great, huh?” He added. 

She must’ve noticed more people watching since the last two shots were further off, but still close enough to be able to land her a higher score than Caleb. A final total of forty-six. A round of applause erupted from the people watching, impressed by the outsider scoring higher than some club members.

She set the gun down and fast-walked back over to Caleb, slightly embarrassed. “Did you see me? Wasn’t that crazy?” She jumped up and down, holding his hands. Her hands slightly shaking from the adrenaline and reaction from the recoil.

The two and Gideon made their way out of the shooting range into the common area so they could talk easier.

“That was insane! Are you sure that was your first time?” Gideon asked, giving her a high-five. “I could never outshoot this hotshot. And you did it in one night!”

She shook her head. “Toys and air rifles…but never a handgun like that. Are my fingers supposed to hurt a little?” She rubbed her hands a bit before Caleb took over and massaged it for her.

“Yeah, it would have been worse if you didn’t hold it properly. You did amazing, Pipsqueak. You really are on your way to being the world’s best Hunter, huh?” He smiled at her, proudly.

He thought he’d be more upset about doing worse than her, he knows he has a bit of an issue where he always wanted to be better than her so he could protect her. But at that moment, he was surprised and happy to see her so excited. It also put him in a better headspace knowing that if she really had to, she could protect herself.

They had to wait until the rest of the contestants finished shooting to figure out the results of the winners, and once they did, it was no surprise that the two of them made it on the prize winning chart. They were able to claim their free date and the apology gift for Gideon.

[spooklies]

Hay I loved your Yandere platonic Jason Todd HC could you please do more maybe with a friend with powers or something

# Control - Platonic Yandere Jason Todd & GN!Reader

♡ ... › He needed to keep control over them if he wanted to survive, unaware of the control he’s lose in the process.

— Written in HC Format

♡ ... › Warning(s) - Mild physical abuse. Child endangerment.

– It started with them taking pity, and then things began to escalate as she was forced to make a choice. Put her trust in this stranger in an act of selflessness, or make the smart choice and live selfishly? 

The rain was unrelenting that night in the streets of Crime Alley, and for Jason that meant it was a battle for not only food and water but for warmth as well. He’d made a home of sorts out of the material he could find lying around the dumpsters but because the material to begin with was as flimsy as they come, he ended up getting soaked anyway. 

So there he was, shivering beneath a cardboard box like some abandoned kitten, feeling more pathetic than at any other moment of his life. Each desperate gulp for moisture was akin to what he’d imagine eating gravel was like, dry and sharp. He couldn’t stop his thoughts from pondering the pros and cons of drinking out of a nearby puddle. If it meant surviving then he’d suck up what was left of his pride and do what he had to do. And as his thoughts continued to stray further into the pits of desperation, a shadow was suddenly cast over his form.

The cardboard box that had begun to drip and tear from the weight of the water was suddenly lightened, moving up with the growing cloud of water before being forced away somewhere else. Jason was mesmerized by the way the water had moved so unnaturally, and just as he was beginning to question who and what had done that, they’d stepped up and crouched in front of him, asking if he wanted them to dry their clothes for him as well with a wary look on their face.

It was obvious to him that they didn’t want to, so why bother offering in the first place?

At first, Jason glared, all the skepticism mustered into that look alone, but building trust came easy when they offered him an endless supply of clean water that came straight from the source above. He should decline, putting himself in a position where he was reliant on someone else for survival was never a good idea. But he was desperate, that much he could admit. And in his desperation, he made the choice to put his trust in someone else for the first time in a awhile just as they did the same for him. 

– After that night, Jason understood the importance of trust and how you could easily die without it.

His new friend explained to him that same night that their ability to manipulate water was meant to be a secret, and that if it got out then they would be in serious trouble. Jason listened intently, playing the part of the sympathetic friend as they stupidly told him something he could very well use against him if he so needed to.

They made it so easy. He almost felt bad, almost.

“And if that were to happen, then we wouldn’t be able to see each other again, right?” Jason had asked, the reality of losing this source of sustenance causing him to panic mildly. He kept all his thoughts and emotions reined in, aware that their partnership was still in the beginning stages. Fragile, and easily shattered if he didn’t play his cards right.

His friend nodded, nothing but seriousness in those eyes of theirs. “Let’s make a deal,” They held out their pinky, and that had Jason hesitating. Deals are what get you killed, it's what ultimately got his father killed, and it’s what could bring him down the same path if he wasn’t careful. “I’ll help you, that means anything related to water issues, and you help me by keeping my secret, deal?”

Jason thought it over for a few minutes, trying to think of all the ways this deal could backfire on him, but after realizing this would provide him more benefits than cons, he held his pinky and wrapped it around theirs. He made sure to give them his best smile, quickly understanding that all of this would be way easier than he had originally anticipated.

“Deal, but we have to know where each other is at all times, okay?” They nodded, their shoulders relaxing as he wrapped his pinky around theirs. It wouldn’t be good if they found someone else possibly better than he was to take care of their needs, that would mean he lost a good source of survival.

He needed control. And if there’s anything the lousy adults in his life taught him, it was that the best way to gain it was through emotional means.

Unbeknownst to him, his plan would backfire in the most unexpected way possible. 

– In the following years, the two of them became inseparable.

They’d both kept their promises to each other with a few unsaid rules being thrown into the mix. After they’d promised to always be where Jason was nearby or aware of, they would often get scolded whenever they’d wandered too far, or too close to someone that was on Jason’s danger list.

“I thought I told you to stay where I could see you?” Jason had a vice-like grip on their wrist, teetering on the edge of pain. It was getting harder for him to become aware of his growing strength as he got older, so they didn’t blame him whenever he accidentally caused a bruise or two.

Nothing could compare to what they’d been through with people much older and bigger than he was. And it wasn’t like he was doing it on purpose, so it was easy to ignore and play off his actions. 

“I just wanted to pet that cat…” It felt like a reasonable enough response when they’d initially thought it, but saying it aloud made their face heat up in embarrassment. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, we’re going back to our place,” His tone left no room for argument, not that they would dare. Especially not when he all but dragged them through the streets by their wrist.

– If someone ever bothered his friend, now referred to as his best friend, then he’d make sure that person would suffer.

When Jason finally became aware of the strength he contained it was… scary to watch first hand. They’d been too fearful to step in and stop Jason from throwing those last punches, but the stinging pain on their face was a reminder of why Jason had gone as far as he had.

After Jason was finished he turned to his friend, a relieved smile on his face at seeing his best friend now safe and out of harm's way. A notion he made sure was possible as the person beneath him took their final breaths. 

“I think… I think we should head back before it starts to rain, yeah?” He wiped the specks of blood off his face in a manner that was inappropriately nonchalant considering what had just happened. He stood himself off the corpse and moved so he was instead standing in front of his best friend, those same hands that had just taken a life now gently brushing against the side of their face that stung with the pain of their newfound bruise.

He was scowling, but they understood it wasn’t directed at them. “That fucking bastard,” He mumbled, and then louder asked, “Did he hit you anywhere else?” 

They swallowed, a heavy feeling in their chest. “No…” Jason’s hand moved to theirs as he easily interlocked their fingers. He was shaking, the movement only being noticeable due to their almost unmoving state. The contrast in their demeanors was like night to day, something they chose to focus on as he brought them back to their place.

– One night, Jason disappeared. And he didn’t come back for a while.

They had begun to fear the worst, thinking their best friend was lying on the street somewhere dead after picking a fight with the wrong person. Their fear had prevented them from leaving the building Jason had called theirs, hunger and for the first time thirst wearing them down as each day passed.

But they knew Jason wouldn’t want them to stay wasting away in their lonesome, he’d want the exact opposite of that. So after years of relying entirely on Jason for their survival, they left the house and thus began a new chapter in their life.

– And then, after almost a month of radio silence, came a brightly colored vigilante.

They had been getting ready for bed when they heard the distinct squeak of a window pulling open from not too far away. Immediately their heart spiked with anxiety, the worst scenarios coming to mind as they readied themselves for a fight, only to hesitate upon seeing a kid their age wearing brightly colored clothes they’d only seen a few times upon glancing at a discarded newspaper.

“Robin?” They questioned, startling back when the colorful boy practically jumped towards them and embraced them. The water from the cup they’d left on the floor flew up and wrapped itself around Robin’s neck in a noose of sorts, just short of strangling the stranger if he were to start harming them.

But… nothing like that ever happened. They hesitated, and the collar they’d made dispersed and made itself at home in the fabrics of Robin’s uniform.

“I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry,” Robin kept repeating apologies, and the longer he spoke the more that familiarity snapped into place. They felt tears well up in their eyes, their arms finally rising to wrap themselves around Robin as they began crying. “I didn’t want to be gone for as long as I was, but now I’m back!”

They hiccuped back a sob. Was this real? Has their best friend really been okay all this time?

“I thought… I thought you were dead!” They sobbed, Robin sniffled, but he wasn’t crying nearly as much as they were.

“No, no, nothing like that! I was so worried when I couldn’t see you, but I’m here now and I can finally take you with me!”

Their confusion drowned out any happiness the reunion brought them.

“What? Jason, where have you been? And what do you mean you’re taking me somewhere?” They weren’t sure where this sudden ball of unease came from, but the longer they stood there next to Robin– no, Jason, the stronger that feeling grew. 

Everything about the boy in front of them was different. And usually, different means danger. 

And so, they spent the next few hours catching up, all of their questions being answered in ways that made their suspicion out to be unreasonable. Were they overthinking things again? Jason always told them that they tended to do that. So was this truly any different? 

– Leaving the home they’d made together was difficult for more reasons than one.

Life all at once was suddenly moving way too fast for their liking. They’d assumed the worst of their best friend and thought him dead, and after spending a month regaining their independence they were losing all of that progress all over again with his return.

They should be happy, which they are, but it felt as if they were losing something else important to them right as they’d gained something back. A constant state of losing and gaining, but they struggled to comprehend which they wanted more, and which would benefit them the most in the end.

“Jason, what if I wanted to stay here?” It was completely hypothetical, but they regretted it almost as fast as they’d said it.

A beat of silence, a sense of dread filling them that they tried their best to keep from showing as Jason stared at them with an unnatural looking smile.

“No, you made a promise, remember?” Their eyes widened as they remembered what it was he was referring to. That pinky promise from the day they first met, a deal they had proposed in their desperation for a connection that didn’t originate from an adult wanting to take advantage of them. 

Jason wrapped his hands around theirs, a slight tremble in the gesture that they weren’t sure who it came from. 

“Plus, where we’re going you can learn how to use your powers without worrying so much about keeping it a secret! Doesn’t that sound nice?”

They… supposed that did. And if it’s Jason, then they can put their trust in him. Right?

[theamberwriter]

The Perfect Blend

Modern!Alpha!Levi Ackerman x Omega!GN!Reader || Tea Shop AU

Word count: 6.3k

So this is the first fic I’ve written in a while, and I cannot remember the last time I actually watched AoT. But my thirst for Levi can never be tamed. I hope this does him some justice. Also, I’m on my iPad. So the formatting may be a little weird.

Companion Art: [1] [2]

☕️📚

The Stem and Spine was the shiney new bookstore/tea shop opening on the corner on Prescott and Main. It seemed like ages since anyone had tried opening a store there. It was such a quaint spot. The historical building had detailed moldings, uneven red bricks, and chipped, dark blue paint. Six large, angled windows gave a panoramic view out to the bustling streets in your little college town.

It was the perfect spot to stop, drink tea, and people watch.

You were looking forward to opening day. You’d spent months crawling through every bookshop, online and in person, as well as every thrift shop trying to find one specific book. No one seemed to know of it’s existence. So you were silently begging the universe to cut you a break and let this new bookshop carry what you were looking for.

You’d only recently discovered their grand opening. An awkward omega gave you a flier. They were handing them out as people were leaving the grocery store. You were really excited, but maybe that was your inner bookworm talking.

Since the shop was right down the road, you decided to walk there on opening morning. You weren’t really expecting any sort of crowd. All of the college kids had gone home for the summer, so the streets had emptied out some. You enjoyed how quiet the summers were. So the long, winding line leading from the door of Stem and Spine was definitely a surprise.

You didn’t need to look for the book that badly. You could come in a month or so when things had died down some. You were going to head back home when you heard the people by you talking:

“I heard the guy running this place is hot as fuck,” said one.

“Did you hear what that girl in our study group said?” asked the other. The first shook their head. “Apparently his scent is like, super strong.”

The friend grinned, running their tongue over their teeth. “I can‘t wait to find out.”

Oh no, you mentally groaned then took a nice deep breath. The scents came one right after the other. A mangled mash up of pheromones. This line was almost entirely betas and omegas. And they were here for that alpha. You were never going to be able to shop there at this rate! As an omega yourself, you just knew they all would come from miles around until this guy was claimed.

You decided it was better to queue up, then maybe you’d actually get a chance to set foot inside. You waited for hours. You were sure those ahead of you would linger as long as possible and try to make an impression. That meant everyone had to stand in line longer.

By the time employees came down the line and told people they were closing for the night, your feet were killing you and your phone battery was nearly dead. All day and you’d only gotten a quarter of the way to the door! You could still see the spot you’d started from. A few people tried to get rowdy, complaining it was unfair that they’d been waiting all day. But their steam fizzled when employees threatened to call the police.

For two weeks, you checked the line for Stem and Spine. Day after day the line seemed to get longer. You saw a lot of returning faces, they must’ve been desperate. You even saw a handful of people getting escorted out by police! You also heard more and more rumors about what everyone was lining up for.

I heard he’s one of those hot, stoic types. I’d love to break him.

I heard that if you’re a beta or omega, just the guy’s scent is enough to make you jizz in your pants.

I heard he doesn’t like needy omegas, good thing I’m not like the others.

I heard he’s starting an entire harem - I’d love to be a part of that!

This is my eighth time going. I swear, I’m on the verge of making him my mate!

The rumors went on and on, getting more and more absurd. You wondered what this guy was really like, if he was really worth all of this. You weren’t interested, you just wanted a book! If anything, this was annoying. You figured it was probably annoying for him too, especially if he just wanted to do his job and not have to worry about anyone throwing themselves at him.

Finally, on a Sunday afternoon, you were able to set foot in Stem and Spine. It was quiet. No three block long line in sight. Sure, it was still busy but these people actually wanted books. They were all glued to the shelves, actually talking about books, and showing each other covers.

Inside was better than you’d imagined it. Everything was cream, gold, crimson, and navy blue. In one half was the tea shop. There were shelves of tea and accessories that lined the walls; loose leaf, prepackaged, diffusers, tea pots, honey sticks, spoon rests. As well as a long barista counter that had a large chalkboard and sizable drink list that was nothing but tea. There were a small handful of metal tables and chairs, and you remembered seeing some outside with umbrellas as well.

The other half of the store was the bookshop. There was row after row of books. Mostly fiction from your first glance. There were also displays for local authors and a shelf of new arrivals. You couldn’t wait to spend the day combing through. The entire vibe was cozy and the scent of jasmine wafting around was relaxing. You did wonder, however, how you were able to get in. Had the alpha been claimed? You didn’t smell anything overwhelming.

“Aaawwww, what do you mean he’s not here?!” You heard a girl whine. You were just starting on the second row of books.

“Mr. Ackerman isn’t here,” said the employee, irritation clear in their voice. “And no, I don’t know if he’ll be back today.”

The girl groaned loudly, but you didn’t hear her complain anymore. You figured she must’ve left. You wondered if she was the one who’d managed multiple visits.

“This has really gotten out of hand,” you heard the employee down the aisle say. They’d been stocking more books. “Great for sales, though.”

“That bad?” you asked. The employee looked at you, she looked tired. Her name tag read Mikasa.

“You have no idea,” she sighed. “I like working here. Levi is my cousin and a great boss, but these fangirls have just been too much. You’d think the fact that he ignores them would be a turn off. But they just keep coming.”

You didn’t realize you’d spent your whole afternoon in Stem and Spine until Mikasa came around to give you a five minute heads up. You were disappointed you didn’t find what you were looking for. But you still managed to find a couple hidden gems you were excited about. Maybe what you wanted was just too obscure.

You brought your books to the counter. As they rang you up, you noticed a clip board with a paper that read What Books Would You Like to See at Stem and Spine? Under that was a long list of handwritten titles and author names. You quickly scribbled down the book you were looking for. At least now there was a chance for it to appear.

Over the next month, you managed two visits to Stem and Spine every week. You and the employees actually started to recognize each other. You also started to see titles you recognized from the list. The mysterious Mr. Ackerman, however, still managed to escape your sight. Every time you went, there was a small posse outside just trying to grab a whiff.

It wasn’t until your first visit of the following month that you finally laid eyes on him. You’d just finished a series and were looking to start a new one. So you wandered over to the new arrivals section. You’d been there about half an hour when a heavy wave of lavender hit you. It filled your head, murking up your thoughts. You figured this had to be him, and the rumors were true - his scent was another beast entirely.

You shook your head to focus your thoughts. You liked this store, so this was something you were going to have to get used to if you wanted to keep shopping there. But you were also extremely concerned - if he was here, then that long line and hoard of omegas and betas would be too. You wanted to leave, but you were stuck between two books with money only for one.

You probably should’ve noticed the scent getting stronger. But you were so focused on reviewing the synopsis on both and thumbing through that you were oblivious. You didn’t wake from your stupor until there was a flutter of movement beside you. You glanced to your left to see a dark haired man in a white collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He set down the few boxes he was carrying.

This man, you realized, was where the lavender wall had come from. This was the infamous Levi Ackerman, owner of Stem and Spine. Mikasa had told you a bit about him in previous weeks. You liked talking to her whenever you came in.

“It’s rude to stare,” he said in a surprising tenor. His back was still to you. You cursed under your breath and turned back to the shelf. That was one way to embarrass yourself. You began musing between the books in your hands again.

After a long moment of silence, a voice said, “I’d pick the one in your right hand.”

You looked over to meet a bored pair of silver eyes. “What?”

“I’ve read them both. The book in your right hand was far more interesting.”

“Oh cool,” you said slowly. “Thanks. I would’ve been here for ages.”

You quickly placed the other one back in its place and scuttled away. You were just going to have to take his word for it. You didn’t want to hover anymore than you had. At the front, they packaged up your book and you were swiftly out the door.

Levi had been right, the book was very good and you were excited that there were four more books to follow with a movie planned. The next time you tried to go to Stem and Spine it was packed again. There was a line down the block and you just didn’t have the time to wait. Your shift at work started soon, and all you’d wanted to do was thank him for the recommendation.

You decided to head straight to work instead. Luckily, you didn’t have to wait long to see the bookstore owner again. The wall of lavender hit you before you saw him. You watched everyone around you turn to stare. It didn’t seem to phase him in the least.

Levi came to the counter and briefly talked with your coworker, who couldn’t seem to keep a straight face. When they disappeared to look for someone, Levi waited at the counter. This was probably going to be weird, but you really did want to thank him for helping you find a new series you absolutely loved.

“Hey,” you started, the book in your hand. He glanced at you briefly. “I, uh. You probably don’t remember me, but you recommended this book to me last week. And I, uh, I just wanted to say thank you. It was really good.”

“I told you it was better,” he stated. “I remember the other one you had - the author writes shit. It doesn’t have any good character development and there were a few glaring plot holes.”

“Oh, that’s good to know - I’ll definitely take that off my reading list.” You laughed awkwardly, carefully tucking the book away in your bag. “I was, uh, I was going to stop by the shop earlier. See if you were there - so I could thank you. But that line was just - woo!”

“I’m going to have to do something about that.” You weren’t sure if that was directed at you, but Levi seemed lost in thought.

Your coworker soon came back with someone in tow. They talked for a minute and then Levi and his intoxicating scent were gone. Afterwards, your coworker could not shut up about him. There was no way you were going to tell them about the bookshop.

In the days that followed, the line to get into the shop shrunk. But there was a continuous crowd that flurried around. A few employees you recognized seemed to be doing crowd control.

“I don’t care that you want to see him,” said one. “You don’t actually want a book or tea! It’s clogging up the shop.”

So Levi was doing something about the outrageous line. You were looking forward to being able to shop there again. The employees inside seemed less stressed when you went in and, at least, you weren’t brushing shoulders with anyone.

“Hey, [Name]!” Mikasa called as she spied you. She waved from her spot at the book counter where she was talking with Levi. You waved back at her, accidentally met Levi’s eyes, and then shuffled off into the book aisle to grab the next installment of the series.

You paid for your book, then went over to the tea shop. You didn’t know much about tea, but you figured you might as well start trying the different blends. There was a small display set up that recommended different teas for certain books. Like a nice citrusy Lady Grey to go with Pride and Prejudice.

“I don’t think that tea pairs with your book.”

You knew that voice. You turned to find Levi there with you, hovering, observing as you skimmed through the tea bags. You looked down at the pouch of English Breakfast Tea in your hand.

“You don’t think so?”

“You’ll want a black currant tea.” Levi reached just above your head and pulled down a paper bag with a raven on it. “I’m partial to this one.”

You took the bag, turning it over in your hand. You put the original pouch you grabbed back. Awkwardly, you smiled at him. “Uh, thanks. Guess I’ll go pay for this then.”

You weren’t sure what to make of it, it was probably nothing. But this encounter left you with a strange feeling. There were a few more like that to follow too.

“You’ll want a different tea for that,” he said as you picked up the third book.

“I can’t just make the black currant one?” you asked, baffled.

“Each book has a flavor that it pairs with. This one is more of a mint. If you pick wrong, you'll ruin the whole damn experience.” Levi turned the full power of his eyes on you. You were frozen under them. “Just like each person has their scent. Each scent has something that pairs nicely with it. For example, mine is lavender, yours is more of a sage. The two go well together.”

“Oh,” was all you could manage. That was the first time you felt the little flutter in your chest.

Every time you went to Stem and Spine to purchase a book Levi was there over your shoulder. He’d direct you to whichever tea he felt best went with it. He even started talking about the nuances in the flavors. How the aromatics helped, which shape of tea bag was optimal, ideally how long to steep it for. You became very knowledgeable about tea in the following visits. You were sure you'd be an expert by the time you went to pick up the last book in the series he showed you. But nowhere near as knowledgeable as Levi.

The next time you went, you saw Mikasa at the counter speaking with Levi.

"You can have the days off. Just fill out the request form," Levi said as you walked up to them.

"You're going on vacation soon, Mikasa?" you asked.

She turned her eyes to you. "My mate is going into his rut soon. I always make sure to take those days off to help him with his nest or anything else he needs."

You smiled at her. "That's really thoughtful, Mikasa. I hope, if I find someone, that they're like you."

She raised an eyebrow. "You don't have a mate?"

"No." You shook your head and shrugged.

You could've sworn you caught Mikasa giving Levi a nudge and a sharp look. Levi gave her a brief glare back. Then his eyes turned to you, his gaze relaxed.

"Why?" he asked.

You laughed humorlessly. "No one's ever really stuck around or I broke up with them. One guy tried to get me to sell my book collection. He said that they were just a waste of time and money. So I decided that he was a waste of my time. There's nothing worse than someone who doesn't understand your hobbies."

Levi said nothing but hummed in response.

"Do you have a mate out there in this big wide world, Levi?" you asked.

"No," he spat curtly.

You didn't mean to gape, but you couldn't deny you were shocked. "Really?"

"What?"

"I'm just surprised, ya know? With your strong scent and how handsome you are... I just figured by now someone would have come along. That's all."

Levi looked away from you. "My scent is more trouble than it's worth. All it does is draw shitty little brats."

You chuckled. "I can see that, considering the long line the first month you guys were open. I also noticed the growing wall of banned people. – Well I just came in to grab something really fast before work. My shift starts soon."

The college students were starting back up for the autumn semester. The streets began to fill up with cars of fresh faces, new dreams, and overstuffed suitcases. You had a feeling there'd be a new influx of people at Stem and Spine.

The hunch was correct.

Before you knew it, the store was once again filled wall to wall with people seeking Levi's attention. He seemed increasingly agitated every time you saw him. Then he once again disappeared for a few weeks, causing the crowds to thin.

“I heard the author is writing the final installment,” Mikasa said as she rang you up. “It’s supposed to be out in a few months.”

“Really? I thought this was the last book?” You raised an eyebrow. You weren’t upset, just surprised. The story felt like it could easily be wrapped up in one book. You hoped it wasn’t going to be one of those strangling the plot lines scenarios, where the whole series goes down in flames right at the end.

“Nope, one more.” Mikasa shook her head. “I’m sure Levi will be upset.”

“Does he really like this series?”

“No.”

You met her with a curious gaze. Her eyes gave you nothing in return. You’d never really noticed how similar she and Levi looked until then. Both with silky black hair and unwavering grey eyes.

"I don't smell him around today. I take it he's still in hiding? I guess I'm on my own to find a tea, then," you laughed.

Mikasa handed you your bag, it was brown paper with a dark red book and tea leaf stamped onto it. You had a small collection you kept folded under your sink and used for various things.

"Hey, before you go," Mikasa started. "I'd like to consider us friends."

You nodded and smiled at her. "I'd like to think so."

"So then would you like to hang out when I'm not working? I was thinking about going to see the movie for this, it comes out soon. Would you like to go? I'll buy the tickets."

"That'd be awesome! I can pay you back."

Mikasa laughed, then waved her hand dismissively. "It's no issue, don't worry about it. Give me your number, and we can pick a date."

You exchanged numbers then wandered over to the teashop. You were only a little upset to be tea shopping alone. You were so used to having company. You wondered what type of tea Levi would recommend. You had to admit, you were starting to look forward to your shopping visits more knowing he was there. You were happier to see him than Mikasa most days. You were grateful for your newly formed friendship, so it made you feel a bit guilty. But you couldn’t deny that there was something soothing about listening to Levi’s passion for tea.

You thumbed through the pages of the book. Skimming without trying to spoil anything for yourself. You were just trying to get the feel. What flavor would this book be? Something dark and fruity, like a black currant? Or something a little lighter, more classic like the mint? You settled on an orange bergamot, this would have to work. You paid and then walked over to your job.

About half way through your shift, a familiar tsunami of lavender smacked you in the face. Levi strode casually through the lobby looking bored as ever. He had a bag in his hand. You wondered if he’d been out shopping. You met his gaze, immediately diverting your own back to your paperwork.

“Mikasa said you were in the shop today,” he said, the scent rolling off of him was strange and heavy.

You looked up, getting sucked into those silver pools. “Yeah, I came to get the next book in the series. I figured you were still keeping your distance. - Did you need my help with something? Did you need John again?”

“I wanted to make sure you didn’t pick a shitty tea.”

You scrutinized his face. It held absolutely nothing. He really came all this way to ask what tea you picked? Well, it was just the next street over. But he still had to go out of his way to see you. He didn’t have to do that. Your heart fluttered.

“I skimmed through, but I’m not sure I picked the right one.” You handed over the bag of tea you bought.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Tech, don’t spoil it for yourself, idiot.”

He took the bag, examining it thoroughly. He considered the ingredients for a long moment. You could practically see the cogs turning in his mind. Finally Levi handed it back over to you.

“Interesting choice,” he started. “But it works. I’m impressed.”

“Thanks, I really tried to put your lessons into practice,” you laughed. There was a long stretch of silence. “I suppose you’re probably going back to Stem and Spine, I won’t keep you any longer. But I appreciate you stopping by, I didn’t think you remembered that I worked here.”

Levi stood a moment longer, then placed the bag he’d been carrying on the counter. It was from his store. “I brought this in case you picked wrong. - I’d still like you to have it.”

You stood. “No, I couldn’t -”

“I insist.”

“At least let me lay you for it. Or exchange it for the one I bought!”

Levi was already walking away. “Just take the fucking thing. I picked it out for you.”

Then Levi was gone, but his lavender scent still swam in your head. You took the bag from the counter, peering in to inspect its contents. You were so curious what he picked. You pulled out a white bag of loose leaf tea with a rose stamped on it in pink. The name read The Start of Something Sweet, it was made with strawberries and rose. You couldn’t help but smile a bit to yourself.

Later that night you made yourself a cup using what you remembered of Levi’s impromptu tea lessons. You couldn’t keep the little smile off your face. Not even as you talked with Mikasa about your movie plans. You picked a date two Saturdays away. You were really excited, you could only hope that the movie did any sort of justice.

A few days later, you made another trip to Levi’s store. It was restock day. As usual, you beelined for the new arrivals section. You were disheartened to find your requested book had still not made an appearance. You groaned. Maybe they couldn’t find a distributor either. That’d be just your luck.

“Looking for anything in particular?” Mikasa asked, stopping beside you. “You look disappointed.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I’ve been on the hunt for this one book and no one has it. I’ve checked everywhere! I even put it on your recommendations list when you first opened. It’s just getting annoying at this point.”

“Maybe I can track it down for you and get you a rush order?”

You smiled at her gratefully. “You’d do that for me?”

Mikasa shrugged. “It’s no problem. I don’t see why not. What’s Levi going to do? Fire me?”

“Sweet, thank you so much! I’ll text you what I’m looking for.”

“Hey, I’m actually about to go on break. Do you want to go get something to eat with me? You have off today, right?”

You agreed and hovered by the counter while Mikasa grabbed her things from the back. You chatted idly with a few of the other employees. They were complaining about how busy it’s been since school was back in session. You hadn’t been surprised, of course. They did build the town around the university after all.

Once the scent of lavender began wafting in, everyone became tense. You noticed something was off. It was sharper and so sweet it was almost bitter and very dense and heavy. Levi stalked in, looking irritated. He gave a sharp glare to his employees, but didn’t say anything. Instead marching through the door that said employees only on it.

“Something must’ve happened,” said one of the employees you were talking to. “He was in a good mood this morning.”

You wanted to go after him. In fact, your feet even began to pull in his direction on their own. But you stopped yourself, embarrassed. Tea aside - you didn’t know him all that well, after all. The last thing he’d probably wanted was a random omega tailing after him.

You had a thought, a reflection of something he told you - a book and a good cup of tea always made his mood better. He told you in passing, he probably didn’t even remember saying it. You knew you’d seen your favorite book somewhere in the store. With any luck, it was one he hadn’t read. You swept through the shelves, quickly finding it, then went to find a matching tea. You’d already had one in mind. Mikasa emerged just as the cashier was packing it all up for you. You had them wrap it in brown paper.

“Did you find something after all?” she asked.

You felt warm. Did it get hot all the sudden? You looked guiltily at the items in your hands.

“Actually,” you started awkwardly. “These are for Levi.”

“Levi?”

“Yeah, he seemed pretty mad when he came through a few minutes ago. Could you - I don’t know - could you give these to him for me?”

“I think it would be better if you gave them to him yourself, he’s still here.”

Mikasa didn’t give you much of a choice as she steered you towards the door he’d gone through. She forcefully shoved you down a small hallway and into Levi’s office. He was furious when he heard the door open. The sharp scent was even thicker in here, nearly suffocating. But you couldn’t help your overwhelming urge to calm him.

“[Name],” Levi grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. His eyes were shut tight. “I know you can fucking read, the sign says employees only.”

“They have something for you, don’t be an asshole,” snapped Mikasa.

You thought you heard Levi mutter brat under his breath. He looked up at you, eyeing the items in your hands curiously. You smiled a bit. Avoiding his gaze, you admired how neat his desk was. You were sure, if you had a ruler, that everything would be evenly spaced apart.

“You seemed upset when you came in,” you said, swallowing thickly. “I remembered what you said and thought maybe a book and some tea would help? This one’s my favorite and I picked something that I thought went with it. - I promise I paid for it.”

You placed the items on his desk and slowly backed away. You tried to slip away now that your peace offering had been given. Mikasa, however, wouldn’t let you leave. Levi picked up the book, turning it over his hands. He studied the cover and read the synopsis. Finally, after a long minute, he hummed and turned back to you.

“I haven’t read this one,” Levi said. You stifled a sigh of relief. “You make interesting choices in tea, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” you said quickly and Mikasa finally let you out the door.

Mikasa didn’t bring up the incident over lunch. You, on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why did you do that? It was incredibly impulsive, but also inappropriate. That was basically the equivalent of screaming out how much he made your heart race and your palms sweat.

You tried not to dwell on it. But over the course of the week, you found yourself reflecting. You had hoped, more than you realized, that he would like what you brought him. You wanted his approval, not just his thanks. But you hadn’t been able to find the time to stop by the store and see if he’d read it. You’d been too busy with work, along with some plans with friends.

The next time you saw Levi was at your work again. He came bearing another bag. You were worried your coworkers would start getting the wrong idea. An alpha giving an omega gifts - how must that have looked to them? Then again, it was awfully presumptuous to think that the bag was for you.

But you were certain that Levi would never court you. Did you want him to, even? You hadn’t put much thought into the idea. But you didn’t hate the thought of getting to know him better. All you knew was what little he’d revealed in your chats while you picked out books and tea. Along with a little of what Mikasa had told you.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” you joked as Levi stepped up to the counter.

There was a certain air about him today. Maybe it was the way he’d slicked his hair back neatly. Or how starched the collar on his shirt was where it came out of his camel colored vest. He even seemed a touch more rested than usual.

Levi placed a bag on the counter. “This is for you.”

You couldn’t stop the sound of delight that came out of your mouth as you took the book out of the bag. It was finally, finally in your hands. After countless hours of fruitless searching, the damn book was finally in your hand.

“Holy shit,” you cried. “You found it! How much do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house this time.” Levi reached in and pulled a small brown pouch out of the bag. He smirked, which sent a chill down your spine. “Cinnamon, something spicy to go with that dirty fucking shit you’re reading.”

You froze mid celebration, oh shit. It was indeed a book with a good chunk of smut in it. Your friend had let you borrow her copy, that’s the only reason you knew about the book in the first place.

“You read it?” your voice came out hoarse.

Levi clicked his tongue. “The important parts, to figure out which blend would go along with it. It’s no wonder you couldn’t find it, no self respecting bookshop carries porn.”

“It’s not porn!”

You were not expecting him to read it. But of course he would only read the spicy scenes. No context to the story or anything else. You were devastated.

“Mhm.” It did not sound like he believed you. With that, Levi turned and began to walk away. He called over his shoulder to have a good day, followed by the pet name they used in the book.

You felt warm all over, tingles chasing from head to toe. You stared after him until he was gone. Then you sat flustered in your seat with your cheek against the cool desk. You could feel a scream burning in the back of your throat. You were so glad there was a half wall so no one could see you.

When you finally got up the nerve to crack open the book you found an envelope. Your name was written in beautiful cursive on the back. Cautiously, you cut it open. Inside was money and a little note in the same scrawl.

I won’t hold this against you. I know your entire taste in literature isn’t trash. Here’s money back for the stuff you gave me. I can see why it’s your favorite.

L. Ackerman

PS. Don’t even fucking think about trying to give the money back.

It was a short note, but it was enough to bring that flutter back. You couldn’t help reading it over and over again.

Before you knew it, movie day was finally upon you. You dressed casually and were so excited that you got to the theater an hour before it started. There was no Mikasa in sight, so you sat on a bench and read. You didn’t start to worry until there was only fifteen minutes before the movie began and she was still nowhere to be seen. Not even a text.

You: Hey, just checking if you’re close by.

Mikasa: Sorry, I’m not going to be able to make it. Enjoy the movie, you’ll have to tell me what I missed.

You groaned. You did not want to see this movie on your own. Though, you supposed it wasn’t so bad. Lots of people went by themselves. You’d just been looking forward to some bonding time with your new friend.

“So this is what that little brat was up to,” said a voice behind you. You turned to find no other than Levi. His scent was just beginning to wrap you up in a field of flowers. He had two travel cups with him, and looked as attractive as ever. No white collared shirt today. That was replaced by casual clothes and tight fitting jeans.

“Mikasa?” you asked, forcing yourself to look away.

He rolled his eyes. “I should’ve known, she didn’t even read the damn thing.”

You stood in silence for a moment. You had to wonder if this was as weird for him as it was for you. You had to admit, you did not see this coming. You could only wonder if he was disappointed to see you there.

You cleared your throat. “Look, you don’t have to watch it with me. We can sit in separate rows -“

“Don’t be stupid. Here.” Levi held out a cup to you. “You didn’t get to read the first book with anything. - Let’s go see if they fucked our shit up.”

Levi grabbed your wrist, tugging towards the direction of your theater. Your skin tingled where he touched you. You weren’t surprised by the amount of stares, but each set of eyes you passed was still unnerving. You were glad to be in your seats where it’d be harder for them.

“I heard they’re already filming the next one,” Levi stated after a few moments. He wasn’t looking at you. He concentrated almost too hard on the screen, you thought he was going to bore holes into it. “We should go see it together when it comes out. Maybe grab dinner beforehand.”

“Like…a date?” you asked. It slipped out before you could stop yourself.

“What the hell else?”

You paused for a moment, twisting to look at him. You couldn’t figure out if he was serious or not. His cheeks gained a flush of pink. You smiled at him, then settled back into your seat.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

Levi nodded, but didn’t say anything else as the lights went down. Somewhere through the night, in the tension of the dark theater, your hand ended up enveloped in his.

In the morning Stem and Spine was your first stop. You were there as soon as they opened. Mikasa was doing the opening drawer. You watched as Levi went up and slammed his hand down on the counter. She didn’t so much as flinch.

“Oi,” he said. Mikasa looked up at him. “What the hell was that stunt you pulled yesterday?”

You walked up behind him. “Yeah, you did miss one hell of a movie.”

“I don’t know why you’re both so annoyed, it seems my plan worked,” she said bored, not even bothering to look up from the cash she was counting.

“How did you know we wouldn’t just walk out of the theater and not watch the movie together?” you asked.

“You both like that series too much. Besides, Levi may know a lot about tea, but he’s also stupid. He never does anything for himself. So while he may not have realized what he was feeling, we all could see it. He just needed a little push. And so did you, [Name]. I knew you liked Levi.”

“I never actually told you that, though. I never told anyone.”

“You didn’t have to. You could smell it in the air when you were around each other. Like a call and response. You two were perfect and you couldn’t even see it. I knew from the first day you walked into the shop.”

Levi took your hand. “Don’t look so fucking smug.”

Mikasa laughed as Levi took you to his office. As soon as you stepped in Levi shut the door behind you. He gave you a swift kiss on the cheek as he went to his desk.

“She’s right you know,” he started, intentionally avoiding looking at you. “We are the perfect blend.”

You couldn’t help but wholeheartedly agree.

[radioisntdead]

I don't mean to be dramatic, but the degree to which I need to know what Velvette does to shy singer reader the next day verges on pathological.

Good evening my dear! You are so real for that, I hope you enjoy!

Don't go wasting your emotion

Velvette x reader

Warnings: Power inbalance, things get wonky at the end because I was sleep deprived while writing, kinda trying out a format no idea if that's obvious or not.

Part two to this

Song used

Velvette took pride in her accomplishments,

she had a strong hold on hell's fashion industry, she had a HUGE following on all social media platforms, she was the youngest overlord, she was the self-proclaimed backbone of the Vee's, if she wanted something she would get it.

And what was something she wanted?

You! How unfortunate, or fortunate depending how you look at it.

"I wasn't jealous before we met,"

After your little stunt of practically serenading her and teasing her with the act of an almost kiss, the Vee became rather enamored with you.

Imagine her delight when you came into work the next day fully prepared to get a sort of revenge on you, although you were in a complete different outfit then the one you wore the night before, gone was the striking red and pink two piece, you now wore a muted green cardigan, blouse and some business casual work pants, the complete opposite of the night before.

If she hadn't seen you that night she might've have a tough time believing it was you.

"Now, every woman I see is a potential threat,"

Velvette kept tabs on you throughout the morning waiting for the right moment to corner you.

Unfortunately the morning was busy since a certain moth that should've gotten taken out by exorcists ages ago had another temper tantrum and wrecked havoc upon her floor, tearing apart a few models.

And that meant it took longer then she would've liked to talk to you.

"And I'm possessive, it isn't nice,"

She was extra snippy with everyone who interacted with you, her poor assistant who just needed to give you a run down on what clothes to pack and transport to a shoot next week got absolutely flamed, a coworker that held the door open for you was almost fired, another coworker that accidentally tripped you and apologized was fired.

"You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice,"

Finally right before the clock stuck noon she managed to catch you alone, you were at your desk writing something down.

"But now it isn't true,"

You let out a squeak as your chair, with you in it, was spun around.

Velvette stared down at you.

"Now everything is new,"

You were a complete and utter fool to think she wouldn't recognize you, and now you were paying the price for your foolery.

"And all I've learned has overturned,"

Cold panic filled you, immediately assuming she wanted to end your afterlife, you managed to duck under her arm, slide out of your chair and what I can only describe as a sad attempt at an army crawl mixed with an undignified shimmy but it got you free.

Temporarily anyways.

"I beg of you,"

Velvette quickly caught you pinning you against a wall, your eyes darted around as you felt her fingers gently hold your chin like you had done to her the night before.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

She leaned in.

"Lay all your love on me,"

And planted a kiss right on your pretty lips.

"It was like shooting a sitting duck,"

That kiss is what sealed your fate, because from that day Velvette began showing clear favoritism for you.

"A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck,"

Coming to visit you whenever she had free time, or on your breaks, demanding that you go on lunch dates with her.

"I still don't know what you've done with me,"

She somehow found your awkward demeanor to be rather charming, sure it would be nice for you to ditch the whole timid thing but that wasn't a deal breaker, perhaps within time you'd become that confident person she saw on stage that managed to completely and utterly enamour her full-time.

"A grown-up woman should never fall so easily,"

Velvette showed up for each and every one of your performances, causing a racket in order to show up if needed.

She personally designed clothes for you to wear during your club performances, making sure they fit you perfectly and that they were flexible enough that you could move around with ease.

"I feel a kind of fear,"

It sent tingles down her spine whenever you got on stage and switched from the timid little thing you were normally into someone beaming of pure confidence, she loved when you would blow kisses or anything of the like to her from your place on stage.

"When I don't have you near,"

She would film your shows and post them over her socials, often posting pictures of the two of you, particularly with her arm wrapped around you in some way, she quite liked having her arm wrapped around your waist.

"Unsatisfied, I skip my pride,"

Velvette would often take you out on all types of dates, her favorites were shopping ones, she could spoil you with anything your little heart so desired, or at least she could try too, you had a way of uno reversing her and paying for her instead.

Thank goodness you got paid for your little singing performances because you'd be screwed otherwise.

"I beg you dear,"

Was there a large power inbalance between the two of you, as not only an overlord and an average sinner but as Employee and Boss.

Yes, yes there was.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

But did Velvette care about that at all?

"Lay all your love on me,"

No she didn't give a shit.

But your coworkers did!

"Don't go sharing your devotion, lay all your love on me,"

You weren't naive towards the whispers and pointed or concerned looks directed towards you, you were pretty sure some of your co-workers and friends had a mock funeral for you.

Velvette quite liked you and she refused to let you leave.

"I've had a few little love affairs,"

Sure she had a couple of flings here and there, both when she was alive and after she died, but no one was quite like you, timid and awkward in the daylight and a shining ball of confidence in the night.

Like hell's version of Hannah Montana or a werewolf.

"They didn't last very long, and they've been pretty scarce,"

It went without saying that Velvette was a very jealous woman, she was never one for sharing

Not clothes, not items, and especially not you!

"I used to think that was sensible,"

Sure she technically shared things with the other Vee's like living space, utilities, employees that weren't you.

"It makes the truth even more incomprehensible,"

She didn't like that whenever you performed on stage others looked at you with such lust and desire that it would make the radio demon himself run away with disgust.

"'Cause everything is new,"

She made a point to post pictures of the two of you, together, usually with her hand, arm, leg or something of hers on top of you, just to show all of hell that you belonged to her.

She had you in her sinstagram bio and everything.

And she made you put her in your sinstagram bio despite you barely using the media.

"And everything is you,"

Brushing over that, Your relationship with her was filled with rather sweet moments.

"And all I've learned has overturned,"

She made matching outfits for the two of you, mostly tailoring to her own styles and colors as opposed to yours, it's not her fault she liked seeing you in her colors!

"What can I do,"

She practically moved you into the Vee's tower, making sure you were no more then a three minute walk away.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

Valentino once asked if he could borrow you for a film, saying that you could be a star, after all some people had a thing for dorks like you!

"Lay all your love on me,"

She ended up chasing him down with a fork.

"Don't go sharing your devotion,"

And ended up posting a few videos of his little temper tantrums much to Vox's chagrin, that was not good for the Vee's reputation!

"Lay all your love on me,"

But it did make a point to the other two Vees that you were off limits, Although Vox did try to get you to agree to sing a jingle for a product of his.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

You were back at that same club you managed to seduce Velvette at, singing another song you enjoyed while alive.

"Lay all your love on me,"

You wore a sparkling pink outfit, heart motifs were evident on it, Velvette stared at you from across the club with pride.

Look at you! Singing your heart out while wearing one of her outfits.

"Don't go sharing your devotion,"

You leaned against the mic stand, half lidded eyes on her.

"Lay all your love on me,"

She had taken to keeping a safe distance away from the stage during your performances, not wishing for a repeat of your nimble fingers under her chin as you sang to her.

She'd rather keep that in private.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

you blew a kiss at her.

"Lay all your love on me."

What Velvette wanted, she got.

And she got you, and you supposed you had her as well, who would've thought that performance of yours would've resulted in this?

Good evening folks! My apologies for this being delayed! I hope you enjoyed it! Also as the song was selected per the poll and this one won, y'all picked good because the other two of the other options were going to be angsty, anywho!

as per usual thank you for tuning in! Hope you tune in tomorrow for Wednesday angst with a certain Angel!

[snek-panini]

The last of my Binderary books, #10 and #11, are here! This is The Mathematical Improbability of Reaching the Stars by cassieoh and D20Owlbear and it is another very long fic that I had to split into two volumes. It's a wonderful Good Omens human!AU with believable relationship development and very likeable OCs. I like to go into summaries at this point in my binding posts but I have trouble pinpointing the reason I like this one so much. It's just compelling and I like spending time with these characters. It reads like an original story and yet it's undeniably a GO fic. I don't know how else to phrase it.

I had a major disappointment with the bind, though. As you can no doubt see in the photos above, there was major glue leakage when I did the htv and it ruined my book cloth. That's a homemade paper-backed cloth and it's this wonderful textured green fabric (I think it's polyester but it's shiny and lightweight) but it did not like that silver foil htv At All. Really sad that it turned out like that. The silver leaves were also an absolute nightmare to weed. So many teeny tiny pieces, and I had to do four of them. I stand by the design, it's very pretty and I still think it fits the book, but I have got to find another option for putting titles on homemade cloth. I've done five of them now and I have this issue every time.

More photos under the cut! It is still a very pretty set, even with the cover issues.

You can see the fabric texture really well on the backs, and there's no glue issue there either. Part of me wishes I'd left the front covers blank like the backs. I love how the spines turned out; that's black faux leather and it always takes htv like a champ. I like how I did the titles here too. I really wanted them on the spines but it's such a long title that I'd have had to scrunch it down really small to make it fit. Weeding tiny text is always a pain and it limits the fonts you can use and still be legible, but splitting it up like this? Love it. Looks so good on my shelf.

Silver foiled edges! I had trouble getting the foil to stick, like always, but I ended up sort of layering it over the unstuck parts and got this kind of patchy look that I love. Handmade double core endbands, and this is one of the most complex patterns I've done in endbands so far. I love them and think they came out really beautiful.

The endpapers are this beautiful chiyogami leaf pattern. I bought these for this fic before I'd even started typesetting it because I knew they'd be perfect. Chiyogami is my favorite thing to use for endpapers lately, I love it so much.

I went really simple on the typeset here. It's a contemporary story, as opposed to a lot of the historical and fantastical ones I tend to bind, and I thought the sleek typeset suited it. I'm not as in love with the title page as I could be but I do like it. It's about the text, not the flourishes, once you get into the meat of the story.

One fun typesetting thing I was able to do with this one happened in the headers and footers. Usually I do page numbers at the bottom, author's name on the top left and title on the top right, but the combination of two authors and a really long title meant the headers got really unwieldy. They were too long and bled into the body text. So I split them up like this, and I love it! Looks so sleek. I've been looking for an excuse to do it like this again on other typesets but it hasn't fit anything yet.

And that's that! I asked for author permission for these but never heard back, so I hope they're both ok with what I did. I'm overall pleased with the results (and in love with parts of it) and I know what I still need to work on.

This is the last of my Binderary books! 11 is too many! I'm never doing that many books in a month again! Now I've got everything posted I feel like I can move on to new projects, though it may be a bit before I have any new books to post. I've got a format experiment in mind.

[its-dean]

I’ve been posting on other online platforms about Fossil Fighters for a long time now, and most who are familiar with what I share know that a lot of my content has a heavy focus on original vivosaur ideas. With these vivosaurs I come up with, as well as the stats I create to go with them, I notice that there are often people questioning whether what I come up with would be balanced or not from a gameplay standpoint.

As I’ve gone on with developing this unique vision for my vivosaurs, I’ve also slowly refined my idea of Fossil Battles entirely. All of us are aware that both the original Fossil Fighters and Fossil Fighters Champions don’t have the best balancing in the world. There are certain cast members and even a few core game mechanics that allow so many otherwise memorable characters to fall to the wayside, and with the stats I was coming up with I was only further encouraging that type of hostile environment. The more I worried about whether something I was coming up with would feel realistic or balanced the more I considered the fact that the formula itself may have been broken in the first place.

There have been others in the community that have projected their own ideas of how to change things up regarding gameplay, things like adding new elements or even having customizable skills. Because the series felt like it had ended so suddenly there's become so much to dream for in a potential sequel. These are the people that inspired me to attempt something similar myself back when I was making my vivosaur last year. It inspired me to take a step back with my thinking and ultimately led to me creating a total re-imagining of the classic battle system we all know and love. 

That's the thing, the games may not be perfectly balanced, but I always find how these games work to be something that's just inherently fun in a very unique way. Above everything else, with this project I wanted the new system I was creating to still have the "feel" of having a good old-fashioned Fossil Battle. These games have incredible potential for an interesting competitive landscape, just if only some of those unbalanced mechanics were to be adjusted. This is what I strive to achieve the most with my ideas: an environment where every vivosaur has something practical to them, a format where you CAN win using your favorite vivosaurs. The only thing that should stop you is how well thought-out and unique of a strategy you can come up with.

Fossil Fighters Odyssey is a personal project of mine that I've technically been working on for over half a decade now. Still, I think it's most important to stress the fact that everything I come up with and will be talking about in this post is for fun. This shouldn't explicitly be seen as a vehicle for a potential fan game, I make these things for my own enjoyment and have no plans or obligations to turn any of these ideas into tangible content in the future. We all can pretty unanimously agree that it’s fun to dream about a theoretical continuation of this franchise, especially because of how it felt like it came to such an abrupt halt in a way none of us were really ready for. This project is simply meant to represent the changes I'd most want to see if that were to ever somehow happen, and that vision of mine simply might not appeal to your individual preferences.

But now moving to the fun stuff itself. I strive to be as in-depth as possible when taking into account how I would rework the gameplay, taking a comprehensive look at the entire series. To keep things feeling familiar while also feeling like an "evolution" of sorts, I found it most compelling to try and utilize standout mechanics from all three of the previous games. Yes, that includes Frontier because, while I can't defend its battle system as a whole, I do think there are some features it introduced that can really enhance potential team building and strategy (mainly referring to the boost system it uses).

Since there are far too many changes to cover in a text post, I created a PowerPoint to explain everything in a more presentable and organized way. The link to it can be found directly below this paragraph, with the presentation being separated in order of different areas of discussion, from how vivosaurs have changed to the differences in the battle system to new and altered abilities and so much more! Plus, attached to this post are the stat sheets for every single vivosaur, #1-300. My own vivosaurs as well as the 10 unique vivosaurs from Frontier are included in the lineup, and all the vivosaurs you're already familiar with have received numerous changes and enhancements to their skill sets so that they can thrive in this new Fossil Battling format.

Link to the PowerPoint (in case the picture quality is too poor to be able to read on this website)

FFO Mechanics.pptx

Link to all 300 vivosaurs and their stat sheets:

FFO All Vivosaurs.pptx

(Disclaimer: not all of the vivosaurs have artwork to correspond with their dino medals, but those will be hopefully trickling out down the line in the future.)

To round things out, I definitely want to thank the people that have already been supporting me and the things I create these past few years elsewhere. Without the level of the recognition and approval I see from the people who always respond to what I make, I definitely never would've come this far with developing my ideas. You guys are the ones who've been enjoying these things, from vivosaurs to characters to the overarching story I hope to one day be able to share with you all. I owe it to you for allowing myself to become as invested in my favorite series as I now am. And hey, depending on how people react to what I have here I may make another post outlining the more creative story and character elements I have in mind… 

Thank you to everyone who's been there for all this time, as well as anyone willing to read through everything I've been able to put together here, this project never could've been completed without you all for me to share it with.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Beyond how evil Hybe is, one of their worst qualities is the disgracefully ugly visuals they put out. They really don't give a flying fuck any more and they can't even pretend to do so. I truly believe they don't even have a creative department or anything of that kind anymore. Their stuff has been ugly for at least 5 years, some stuff looked better than other, but I just came across Jin's concept pictures on Twitter and my jaw legit dropped. As if the refried "rock concept" wasn't enough, the whole thing looks unbelievably cheap. It looks like a parody from a bad sitcom. I have never seen anything like this, not even from the smallest companies, which obviously have a fraction of Hybe's budget. To say I need Jimin and jungkook out of there is no longer just wishful thinking. Not to be dramatic but I will not be able to tolerate and pay for this kind of content. Golden and Muse were already a little... uninspired? I'd say. I cannot take worse than that. My love and money have their limits.

Adding a second message as it's more or less about the same topic.

Hybe might still have a creative department, but I find most of their work lazy and predictable, as you've pointed out as well. A lot of it comes across as unimaginative and a bit cheap overall and considering the prices and on a more macro level, the current economic situation, do we really want to pay for all of that? And I'm talking here about the lack of quality materials as well, not just at a conceptual level.

I do have the two versions of Muse and I'm fully aware of my participation in falling in the capitalist trap because of my position as a fan in this context, but looking at it as objectively as I can, it is not an album that I 100% like and I don't have any urge to open it up from time to time and look through it. The lack of quality is too obvious. It's the same with the AYS?! photobook. It's like they designed those pages with their eyes closed. A complete disgrace and what sucks is that it is so easy to come up with a better format. Do they not research photobooks? Or better yet, there's plenty of coffee table albums on fashion, photography, you name it, that can be used as inspiration. It's disappointing to say the least.

As to the actual concepts I too have an issue with using them without any sort of minimal connection to the idol or worse, the music itself. The first time I experienced this was through the Butter teasers which proved that it was just some aesthetic that had nothing to do with the actual mv. I'm mentioning Muse here again because I followed the promo closely. I can understand that the teasers are meant to be concepts for the overall album, but it can easily fall into a trap and become too generic or too vague. But what also happens is that fans immediately begin to theorize and look for symbolism in those 10 seconds clips and photoshoots, believing they'll find some clues to hidden messages. It's a futile exercise in meaningless interpretation.

Is Jin a rockstar? Is he releasing a rock album? Has he suddenly found his genre and now he's experimenting? Are bts a punk rock band because they appear dressed like that in a Seasons Greetings photoshoot? Is nothing but aesthetic and changing it all the time for every album without having an ounce of it in the actual music shows a lack of consistency.

It can be fun to experiment with various concepts. It allows idols to show their adaptability and it involves a bit of acting on top of it. It's like taking on a role. Perhaps framing it this way makes a bit more acceptable. But aesthetic concepts are not created from thin air. The more established ones are the result of subcultures (which do not exist anymore in this era of the internet, so it's not surprising that creatives are constantly looking back to the past for inspiration). But when there is a complete disconnection, it becomes too shallow and perhaps ridiculous as well. You can't sell an image if it has nothing to do with your own persona, music or your actual desire to experiment. Who actually believes Jin is the kind of idol with painted nails and, a guitar in hand, the classic outfit and eyes covered by messy hair? Not me because there hasn't been anything to indicate that there is something authentic. Perhaps there is, but there was no prior indication of that.

I used Jin as an example, but this is applied to other idols and groups. It will never be more than an aesthetic in the current use of the word by zoomers (the annoying lacking of meaning of "wow, that's so aesthetic!"). Perhaps we should think of it as modelling and idols as models made to express someone else's ideas as they become a canvas for concepts. Therefore, interpretation olympics should be reigned in.

[butterflywithsass]

The good, the bad, and the ineffable omens. What makes Good Omens special.

I'm not very good at making posts on here so sorry if the formatting sucks. It's the anniversary of season two, and thinking back on everything, it's incredible how much has happened since it came out. I might get a bit long-winded, so if that's not your thing, just scroll on by. I'm just gonna take a look at why I love Good Omens, why I love the Good Omens fandom, and what the future holds for all of us who love this story.

I guess you could say I'm a bit of a new fan. I watched the first season in 2019. I liked it but I didn't really think about it until I heard it was getting a second season, and I decided to watch it again.

This second watch came at a very strange time in my life. I'd left my very introverted homeschool life behind to go to an art school in another state. I was studying creative writing, and just beginning to dream that I might be an actual writer someday. I've always gotten intensely invested in stories, a part of my ADHD that I've always struggled with. I find a story, and it consumes my soul. I have difficulty expressing emotions in real life, so stories have been an outlet for me to feel things in the persona of a character. It's this incredible power that makes me love storytelling so much. I could go on and on about the beauty of this, but that will get a bit to much so I'll move on. Mah point is...

whenever I would get really invested in a story, my parents would indulge me, but would always feel the need to mention, "You know it's not real, right?"

Anyway, for the first time, I was away from home and I could really indulge in stories without the pressure to disconnect from it to avoid the judgment of my family. For the first time, I could just be in love with a story.

A lot happened during the first year away from home, not all of which is relevant, but around this time I started owning up to my identity as bisexual. Being at an art school meant I was surrounded by queer people from all backgrounds, not all of them had the same support I did, and I witnessed secondhand as my friends went through the pain of having homophobic families who would control what art they made and who they spent time with, threatening to withdraw them from the school if they used certain names or pronouns. It was common for my friends to have a sort of shorthand code for when it was safe to use their preferred name or pronoun. Some came from very religious households, and so religion had been linked very closely to repression.

Good Omens came at a time when I was stretching my wings both in my identity as a person and as a writer and has informed what I write about ever since. As a writer, my work often focuses on themes such as fate and free will, religion and passion, divinity and humanity, and apocalyptic images. Additionally, Good Omens encouraged me to embrace comedy in my writing and to explore the absurd and whimsical. It helped me let go of the vice that held me back from writing things I thought weren't intellectual enough, or weren't creative enough.

I also became aware of the people behind the show, and of course, I grew to admire Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. I admired how Neil Gaiman seemingly defied the inevitable fate of obscure and unsuccessful writers. To me, Neil Gaiman was an example of how writers could actually make it out there in the world. Terry Pratchett, I admit, took less of an interest in because he had been long dead before I became acquainted with Good Omens, and I mistakenly gave Neil Gaiman more credit for the tv show. If you want to know more about why I saw "mistakenly," check out @vidavalor where they talk about the other writers on the show and how much they contributed. It's really quite eye-opening and it gives me hope that the show can continue well enough without Gaimen.

I also grew to become a fan of David Tennent and Micheal Sheen. And when I say a fan of David Tennent, I mean a BIG fan. The Good Omens to Doctor Who pipeline is so f*cking steep I felt like Crowley during the fall. Not just Who, though, I watched stuff like Taking Over the Asylum, Einstein and Eddington, Around the World in 80 Days, Broadchurch, Jessica Jones, Escape Artist, f*king Single Father lol. I even got into Shakespeare because of David Tennent.

The love displayed by the actors for Good Omens feels truly special. Micheal Sheen's devotion to the story shines through in everything he says about it, and David Tennent, though not originally a fan, seems to have grown more and more fond of the story. I think it's not a reach of our imagination to say that the story has become very special to both of them, even more so than to us.

It's rare to see actors treat their roles as more than just a job. The occasional publicity stunt and press tour interviews aside, the roles actors take seldom stick with them, and I think it's a testament to the power of Good Omens that this is not the case for Micheal and David.

Season 2 came out of course, and we all know how that went down. I was has heartbroken as everyone else by the final 15, but I never had any doubt that the story was destined to have a happy ending.

Unlike some shows, where the story likes to flirt with tragedy to keep viewers hooked, Good Omens is not that kind of show. Amidst the pathos and drama of the Christian/Apocalypse setting, with literal heaven and hell involved, the story is relatively clean. I enjoy some Ineffible Husbands spicy fanfiction of course, but I'm glad that Good Omens has remained relatively kid-friendly. Queer themes are so often included only in "adult media," paired with dark themes and often explicit moments making them inaccessible to kids and cementing the idea that Queerness is inherently inappropriate. While Good Omens has the occasional adult reference such as Madam Tracy's side gig as a dominatrix or the 'seamstress,' they are veiled enough to pass. Even the sex scene with Anathama and Newt is comic enough that it can hardly be classified as one. As for heaven and hell, it would be easy to try and stress the darkness of hell through plenty of disturbing subtexts and the brutality of heaven, but here the show errs towards comedy, portraying both sides as corporate systems -- both funny and much more relatable evil than torture or traumatic scenes. It's easier to understand rude co-workers, degrading comments, overbearing bosses and endless paperwork than it is to understand the sources of our perception of good and evil.

Putting Adam Young as the center of the story of season one focuses the entire narrative. At the end of the day, Good Omens is about the ineffable nature of humanity defying all odds (or gods) betting against it. It's a humanist story, showing us that no matter how much the forces of good or evil might like to influence us, whatever we do will up to us.

This theme is constantly referenced, from Crowley's habit of taking credit for anything evil humans do and claiming it was his idea, to Aziraphale's constant assertions that humans are inherently good. It's exemplified by the baby swap disaster, which is a microcosm of this theme. No matter how much the powers above and below might scheme, they're plans generally end up being irrelevant to the choices of humans.

It's why Crowley and Aziraphale love humans so much. Humans are a guide for them, showing them how they can be more than just good and evil, and on our side, it's a hopeful thought to have, that the powers of good and evil looking down on us, instead of judging us, might actually have fallen in love with us along the way. It shows us that we are allowed to love ourselves.

The love that Aziraphale and Crowley have for each other is also at the heart of this story. While it has been discussed at length, it's for good reason. Because we all need a good love story. Amidst the uncertainty and ceaseless change, there is a constant, unbreaking bond between Crowley and Aziraphale-- steady as the revolution of the cosmos. Nothing in the scope of space and time is certain, but this is. We know that because we've seen it. Good Omens manages to create a love story on both a personal and an archetypal scale. On one level, this is a love story between two people from different worlds finding something familiar in each other. It's got the drama of starcrossed love, the steadiness of an age-old love, still with the butterflies of new feelings. As a queer love story, the hope in it is even more important.

Crowley and Aziraphale have all the qualities of two characters that are doomed by the narrative, and as much as I love those types of stories, this is a story about hope and it demands a happy ending. After all, if those two idiots can't get a happy ending, what hope do the rest of us have?

All this is to say, that while the final 15 was shattering emotionally, and still is, I never once doubted that all would be well eventually.

The recent accusations against Neil Gaiman came as a shock to me. I admittedly didn't know all that much about him as a person, but I looked up to him as a writer, as I said. The more that is revealed, the more truthful they become. I hoped that these allegations would end up as a big misunderstanding, and I questioned the timing just after David Tennent was attacked online for his support of the lgbtq community. However, the more information about Gaimen comes to light, the less it looks like a mistake.

This leaves us in a difficult position. It is not selfish to worry about the future of Good Omens. It is not foolish to be surprised. It is not naive to feel betrayed. It would be easy to come to the conclusion that 'no one should be trusted,' or to feel that the whole story has been tainted. It's so easy to write off the whole story as 'ethically complicated' so you don't have to examine your feelings critically. It's easy to 'boycott,' something so you don't have to deal with it, as if by not engaging with it, it's not real. I would urge you not to do this. boycotting a story is not as simple as just refusing to buy a product. Stories are part of culture and identity, to a certain extent, the person you are hurting the most is yourself.

There's a reason I spent so long describing why Good Omens is such an incredibly powerful story, because Neil Gaiman's actions negate none of that. The meaning of Good Omens is not dependent on the actions of the author. A truth is still true, even from the mouth of a liar.

Before I loved Good Omens, I loved Harry Potter. Despite JK Rowling's general shittiness, Harry Potter has brought goodness to people's lives, and even though some themes in the story ought to be examined more critically, the joy and comfort those stories brought also cannot be ignored. I was ten when I started reading Harry Potter. I was too young to grasp the homophonic or anti-semetic undertones in the story, and ironically, Harry Potter taught me to by an ally before I even knew I was queer. Before reading Harry Potter, I didn't know what gay was. After hearing Dumbledore was 'gay,' I did a google search and looked up the term in a dictionary. I remember my thoughts being, "you can do that?" and then, "why are people so upset?"

The point of this Harry Potter tangent is to say that while the intentions of the author may influence a story, the author ultimately can't control the effect the story will have on others. Once it is published, a significant part of it no longer belongs to them. They can't control what messages other people find in it, and they lose the right to decide what messages are true or not. If Neil Gaimen were to say today that Good Omens is all a very complicated metaphor for masturbation, that announcement would mean zilch.

Additionally, Neil Gaiman isn't even the only author! You don't have to give him all that credit to start with. Once again, refer to @vidavalor for info on the other amazing people who may have had a bigger hand in writing our favorite moments that we thought.

The Good Omens fandom has taught me not to be ashamed for loving a fictional story. I've been in the Lotr, Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Marvel, Sherlock, and countless other fandoms, and I can easily say that Good Omens is the most supportive, the most accepting, the most decent online fan community I've found.

We can hang in there. We've loved Good Omens since the book came out, we've loved Good Omens since before I was born, and we loved it even when we lost Terry Pratchett. We loved Good Omens when we thought there would never be a show, and when we thought one season was all there would be. Good Omens has so many kind and talented people behind it and so much love for it. Neil Gaimen will not sink us now. He doesn't have that much power.

@davidtennantgenderenvy also has a video on this that is very thoughtful.

[chaoticcreative14]

Fic request: There seems to be a dearth of ***IN CHARACTER*** Coulson-centric fics written by people who have actually watched Agents of SHIELD and digested how his character grew and changed over the years.

It's like fandom invented their own characterization to flesh out what little we saw of him in the Phase 1 era movies (2008-2012) and then never ever let that characterization go even as he became a very different character. Because of that, shipping Clint Barton / Phil Coulson is a fanon pairing that has persisted long after we found out Clint had a wife and kids (2015) and only ever heterosexual love interests for human!Coulson (2013-2018).

So here we are 10 years later, and people are still churning out fics in that fanon pairing and thus writing Coulson's character as the type of man whose career was primarily about being the handler for a pair of assassins instead of as the type of man who rebuilt SHIELD from the ground up to be an organization that didn't try to solve every problem with assassinations. Meanwhile, given all the tidbits we learned in AoS about his SHIELD career over the years, he couldn't have been Clint and Natasha's handler for very long because Fury had Coulson running around managing all sorts of special projects (grooming Coulson for leadership), not running a pair of assassins for years and years.

My objection isn't to pairing Coulson with a man. I'm totally fine with writing Coulson as bisexual, but I wish people would pair him with someone he's been shown to be crushing on (Steve Rogers) or has had repeated interactions and obvious on-screen chemistry with (Glenn Talbot) or ANYONE HE EVER ACTUALLY APPEARED ON SCREEN WITH EVER. Or even paired with no one (alone and lonely is very in-character for Coulson) but still the central character of the story and not some minor background character in fic focused on some ship he's not in.

Sorry, I meant this to be a simple fic request for more in-character Coulson-centric fics but then I thought "well I'd better explain what I mean by that" and then 12 years of frustrations poured out of me all at once lol. Coulson is my #1 favorite character in the MCU, but I abandon so many fics a few chapters in because of the awful mischaracterization. :(

I got this lovely request from an anon! I tried my hardest to make this *in character* Coulson so I hope you like it! He’s one of my favourite Agents of Shield characters so I hope I did him justice! Sorry it’s a bit short.

This is my first time posting a fic to tumblr so please bear with me if there are any formatting issues.

Description: Daisy is doubting her abilities as a leader but it’s okay because Coulson is there to give her one of his famous pep talks.

Word Count: 994

Coulson was sitting in his office finishing up some paperwork after a long day when he heard a knock on his door. He knew who it was without asking, only one person who would be coming to see him at this late hour. “Come in Daisy,” he said, looking up from his paperwork. She walked in and closed the door behind her.

“Hey,” Daisy said, walking towards his desk slowly. “How’s the paperwork going?” Coulson put his pen down and sat back in his chair.

“It’s going, but I think we both know that’s not what you came here to talk about,” he answered her, gesturing for her to sit down. “So tell me, what’s on your mind?”

Daisy sighed and looked down, bracing herself before sitting down quickly. “How do you do it?” she asked.

“What, do you mean my general cool and unflappable demeanor, or did you have something more specific in mind?” Coulson asked her. Daisy gave a slight smile at that.

“Not exactly, well, yeah kind of,” she said, clearly nervous.

“Daisy, what’s going on?” he asked, starting to get worried. She inhaled deeply before asking what had been on her mind since before she entered his office.

“I’m in charge of people now. Joey, Elena, Lincoln and I’m… I’m terrified that I’m not a good leader” she explained, fear plain on her face. Coulson felt sympathy shoot through him at the revelation, having experienced something similar himself.

“Well, I’m pretty confident that you are,” he tried to reassure her.

“How can you be so sure of that?” Daisy asked. Coulson took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to help her.

“I get where you’re coming from, I do,” he started. “Look, when Fury gave me control of S.H.I.E.L.D I wasn’t sure that I could do it either. Honestly there are still days where I question if I can.” Daisy looked at him with surprise.

“But you always seem so sure of everything,” she said, causing Coulson to laugh.

“I appreciate that you think that, and I guess my acting is better than I thought,” he said. “But the thing is, I think part of being a good leader is being afraid that you’re doing it wrong.”

“How do you live with that?” she questioned, still unsure of herself.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s hard. I guess you just have to try and always do right by them so that when you make a mistake, and you will make a mistake, they’ll have your back.” Coulson said, seeing so much of himself in Daisy at that moment. “Mistakes are gonna happen, no one can be perfect all the time, god knows I haven’t been. I’ve found the important thing is how you handle those mistakes.”

“You’ve been pretty close to perfect,” she countered. Coulson was silent for a moment before replying to her.

“You don’t think I was terrified when Ward dropped Fitzsimmons into the ocean? You don’t think I blamed myself? I’m responsible for all of you, and when one of you gets hurt, I feel like that’s on me,” he told her, emotion clear in his voice.

“That must be really hard,” Daisy admitted.

“It is,” he agreed. “But I also wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’d rather be the one to have your backs than to have anyone else do it, and if I take that responsibility, it means no one else has to. The reality is, being the leader means doing the hard job, the one that terrifies you more than anything else,” he explained.

“Yeah, that sounds like it sucks,” she replied.

“Oh it does,” he said with a laugh. “But someone has to do it.”

“I guess I would rather be the one looking after them. At least I know I have their best interests at heart,” she admitted.

“See, now you’re starting to get it,” he said with a smile.

“You know, you’re really good at this whole pep talk thing,” Daisy said with a smile of her own.

“I’ve had a lot of practice,” Coulson replied with a shrug. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job, Daisy.”

“Thanks Coulson,” she said, his trust in her meaning more than she could say. “It means a lot, coming from you.”

They sat in silence for another moment just looking at each other. Finally, Coulson broke. “Now, did my incredible and rousing speech do the job or am I gonna have to pull something else out of my sleeve?” he asked.

“What else do you have up your sleeve?” Daisy asked, curiosity colouring her voice. Coulson thought about it for a moment, coming up completely empty.

“You know, I have no idea. I was kind of banking on you not choosing that option,” he admitted. Daisy burst out laughing at that.

“As much as I would love to hear you fumble to come up with something, the speech did its job,” she said, standing up from her chair. “Thanks AC,” she said, heading towards the door.

“Anytime,” Coulson told her. “Although, maybe next time we could do this at, you know, not 2am?”

“Hey, you’re the one who’s still awake,” she argued, swinging the door open and backing out slowly with her hands up. “If you didn’t want to be bothered, you shouldn’t have kept your light on.”

“You make a good point,” he acquiesced. “Goodnight Daisy,” he concluded.

“Goodnight Coulson,” Daisy returned, and with that she was gone. As the sound of her footsteps faded, Coulson resumed his paperwork, feeling hope bloom in his chest. He had meant what he said about Daisy being a great leader, and although she still had a lot to learn, he knew she’d be even better than him eventually. One thing was for sure, the future of S.H.I.E.L.D was safe in her’s and the rest of the team’s hands.

[ezwezz]

GIRLY PLEASE MAKE A YUNJIN X FEMREADER FIC w angst n cheating 🙏🙏🙏

why do you want me to hurt you bby!? gonna be sobbing while writing this

also! i'm sort of winging it with the format and scenario so hopefully it's adequate enough

'i love you'

parings: huh yunjin x fem!reader warnings: cheating, ANGST words: 1k

"i love you more than anything, y/n, no matter what."

yunjin's words from last summer were replaying over and over inside your head. you didn't know what warranted the sentimental flashback, it was just a normal tuesday night spent laying alone, staring into the darkness looming above you. perhaps you just needed the comfort.

you hadn't seen yunjin for 1 month now. the throbbing inside your heart had dulled down and you were left with a familiar emptiness spattered with the occasional 'i miss you baby' or 'sorry for not replying, i've been so busy :('.

you knew yunjin's career came with extortionate sacrifice on both ends, but loving her was all you needed. you'd loved her for two years now, despite the constant hurt of her absence.

"i love you more than anything....no matter what." you whispered the sentence. she'd looked so beautiful while saying it- her earnest brown eyes and furrowed brows as she gently cupped your face, the warmth of her body against yours. it was a fleetingly perfect moment, nothing could compare. you wondered if yunjin thought about it as much as you these days.

---

incoming call: yunijn

"y/n?"

"hey jen, everything okay?"

"baby listen, no matter what you see or what you hear, you have to trust me, i love you. never forget that."

"i love you too...but why are you saying this? has something happened?"

there was silence on the other end of the line. you knew something was wrong and it made your heart pound at an unsteady pace.

"yunjin...what did you do?" your voice sounded small.

"i'm sorry..." there was a quiet sob on the other end of the line, and you immediately knew. in that moment, your entire world came crashing down. everything you'd sacrificed for the woman you loved submerged you, drowned you, it tore you apart.

"i'm not going to ask for your forgiveness..." yunjin's voice drifted into the background as your mind swirled into a messy flurry of emotion. you struggled to comprehend what this meant, grappling with your own feelings, trying to figure out exactly how you felt.

"i'll talk to you later jen." you whispered before ending the call and allowing the tears to cascade down your cheeks. she couldn't even be there to face you herself, you resented her for being able to throw away your relationship like it was nothing.

---

sure enough, you awoke from an almost sleepless night to see every news feed headlining a picture of yunjin kissing an unknown girl outside a club. you switched your phone off, unable to answer any messages reaching out to you with condolences.

reality was a hard truth to face, and the reality of the situation was gouging into you. you never wanted to see her again, to hear her name or her songs.

"i love you more than anything, y/n, no matter what."

you scoffed as the words stung in your head like a venomous bite.

incoming call: yunjin

you immediately switched your phone to airplane mode.

---

the remainder of le sserafim's tour was shrouded with controversy and despite putting on a brave face, the guilt and heartbreak was eating away at yunjin.

you knew their tour was nearing its end, so of course you'd already packed up all your stuff from your shared apartment with yunjin and moved in with a nearby relative. you didn't know whether it made you a coward, avoiding yunjin like this, but you knew you wouldn't be able to face her before taking time to heal. there was the occasional mention of her that crossed your newsfeed, but you made sure to ignore each one, never taking the time to indulge in reopening fresh wounds.

you were home alone when you heard a knock at the front door. it was unusual considering deliveries were never scheduled for this time and you weren't expecting anyone, so you answered the door with caution, opening it just a crack.

"y/n?"

fuck.

you immediately closed the door, scolding your previous fears of creepy men as anything would've been better than this.

"y/n please, just hear me out." a muffled voice begged.

"whatever you're going to say is pointless. i don't want to hear it."

"i understand that but...i think we both need the clarity."

"i really don't need anything from you right now."

"please just open the door, then i promise i'll leave you alone."

"jen- yunjin...this hurts so fucking much. i've spent the past few weeks trying to erase you from my memory and now you're here, expecting me to just...let you near me again. you ruined everything." you could hear yunjin begin to cry softly, as were you.

"i know." she choked through tears. "i know nothing will change what happened and it's killing me y/n. i don't know what to do...i love you so much, you mean the world to me. i don't go a day without missing you and wanting to be near you. i know it's over between us, but please just let me say goodbye properly."

you had nothing to say to her, but you opened the door anyway. it was an impulsive decision fuelled by a fleeting sense of longing for your love, but you immediately regretted it when you laid your eyes on the fresh face that would eternally haunt you. you didn't have time to process the overwhelming surge of emotion before tender arms enveloped your body and held you in an excruciating embrace.

"let me go." you sobbed, not wanting this bittersweet familiarity. but she only held you tighter, her body trembling.

"i love you."

"don't you dare say that, not after..."

"i love you so much. i'll never stop loving you y/n."

"shut up jen, please just leave me alone." you finally succeeded in pushing the woman away, it was like tearing off a bandaid.

her face was streaked with tears and it looked as if she had lost weight. you can't have looked much better.

"i don't want you to forgive me, because you deserve better, you deserve so much more than me. but never forget that i'll always love you, even if our worlds never collide again. i'll always be waiting for you."

and as she began to retreat with her eyes locked onto yours, she uttered one last sentence: "i love you more than anything, y/n, no matter what."

then yunjin turned away from you, not once looking back.

no other sentence could ever torment you as much as that one. but little did you know, it would replay over and over in yunjin's head as she lay alone, staring into the darkness looming above.

[annaphoenix1994]

The Way a Cowboy Should

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

»»-------¤-------««

Four days in the saddle can have a toll on a man, but not a true cowboy like Bud Dutton. Simon admired him - how the man never complained, how he always had a quick wit about the different situations before him, how he never ceased to tell a joke when the time was right, and how honorable he was with anything he did. With dusk approaching, the group was becoming restless after being fueled by beans and coffee and in desperate desire of a shower and a warm bed to sleep in. 

Even with all of these desires arising on everyone's mind, nobody - even Baler - found the time to complain about it. "Baler?" Simon directed, getting his attention. "Go put that cow back in line." 

"Um... H-How do I do that?" 

"Ride up on her left flank and guide her back into the herd!" 

"O-Okay!" Baler nodded, nudging his horse into a lope as he kept his eye on the cow, using his horse to guide the cow back into the herd, looking back towards Simon with the hopes of approval, a big smile smearing across his face after realizing he had done something new. "I want to chase another one!" 

"That time will come, lad," Simon shouted. "Get back in formation!" 

Laughs. Genuine, happy laughs were exchanged between the men - and Teeter - as they herded the two-hundred head of cattle through the valley, eager to get them to Lick Creek to lay over for the night before making their way back to the ranch, each eager to return home to the loved ones waiting for them. With every dusk and dawn, Kiera never failed to slip into Simon's mind, the thought of her greeting him with a warm smile and yearning kiss followed by constant admiring of their children. It never bloody gets old, he thought. I can't wait for her to be my wife. 

After nightfall came, it was roughly eleven o'clock before the group got the cattle and horses settled in for the night, Simon settling under a nearby tree to shield him from the morning sun when it arose. Sitting with his back against the bark, he crossed his ankles as he scrolled through the photos of Kiera and his children on his phone, wishing he could be granted with a bar of service to send a quick I love you text message, grimacing as he didn't have the privilege he had wished for. 

"One day, you'll be glad to not have that little box beeping at you every twenty minutes." Bud chuckled, his saddle landing next to Simon before he slowly took a seat next to him. 

"You're still awake, old man?" Simon chuckled, watching Bud take a seat next to him before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out two cigars. 

Bud reached one over to him, "I invite you sir to celebrate another drive." 

"I better not. Kiera would kill me-"

"Why'd you think I brought these cigars for a trip she wasn't on?" Bud chuckled. "Eva threatens to kill me every time she smells the smoke on me, but she don't. I quite like makin' her mad sometimes," He admitted while both of them chuckled. "She's cute when she's mad." 

"You and me both, sir. I quite like making your daughter mad sometimes," Simon admitted. "On minor things, though-"

"No need to explain," He chuckled. "I know what you mean. You still planning on that honeymoon you were telling me about?" 

Simon smirked, "Yeah. I just want to give her something extravagant - something she had never done before. I figured what better way to do it than for our honeymoon." 

"Well, you know Eva and I will be more than happy to watch the kids for you," Bud smiled, nudging Simon's elbow with his. "I quite envy you - I'd never been able to dress up in period clothing." 

"Me either, but her favorite show is Peaky Blinders and there's a sort of convention in Birmingham and I know she'd love to dress up in that time period. And I meant to tell you, but I never could get you away from earshot of her - there's a ship coming back to the states that sponsors the convention, so we'll be coming back to the states in that time period so to speak." 

"She'd love that. I don't know what Squeaky Blinders is, but I'm sure she'd love it."

Simon chuckled at Bud's misunderstanding, "I'm quite excited for it too."

"Well, I have something I want to give you," Bud said, puffing a cloud of cigar smoke as he reached into his coat pocket. "Consider it as a wedding gift for future use." 

Simon furrowed his brows as he fondled with the two pieces of folded paper between his fingers, taking a few moments before he opened the folded papers. 

A land deed with a handwritten note:

"I know, it's a lot to take in," Bud snickered. "But don't get all sentimental... I've done shed my tears when I wrote it." 

"Sir, I- I truly don't know what to say-"

"Your reaction is enough, son," Bud assured him with a smile, clasping his free hand on Simon's shoulder. "I've been chompin' at the bit to give this letter to you, but I figured now is the right time." 

"What makes you say that?" 

Simon saw that Bud had something on his mind, like he knew he had to give the deed to him soon but chose not to pester him about it. "I just... Felt like I needed to give it to you before the wedding."

"I-Well, thank you, sir. Really. I don't know how I can top what you've done with this place." 

"Your kids, Simon. They are what makes this ranch a home."

Simon smirked, "You sure it's not past your bedtime?" 

"My bedtime is when I'm dead'n gone, buddy." 

The men chuckled, Simon shaking his head as he tucked away Bud's gift within the confines of the breast pocket of his jacket, his gaze turning to Bud when he saw him splay a wool blanket over his legs. "How'd you tote a blanket up here, old man?"

"I traded out my slicker and I gambled it wouldn't rain. I think I gambled right!" 

"You know, I've come to believe perfection only lives in little moments, ya know? Can't be sustained over hours, just instances - little wisps of time. Then the world becomes imperfect again. This day damn near proved me wrong." 

"And to think I didn't think you'd be sentimental," Bud snickered. "But, if it wasn't perfect, it was damn near close." 

"Yeah, damn close indeed." Simon replied, he and Bud sharing a laugh.

"A former British S.A.S sittin' on the side of a mountain in Wyoming with his old goat of a father-in-law, sleepin' with his boots on after tellin' me at one point he'd never step foot in America - Damn, this world may have a chance yet." Bud poked as he laid down against his saddle. 

"You keep your head up in that saddle, old man. I don't need to listen to your snoring. I hear it enough lying next to Kiera at night." 

Bud laughed, "Where do ya think she gets it from? Her dear old daddy. Thank the good Lord she didn't get her looks from me!" 

"She still would've been perfect enough for me." 

"Wise words, son. Wise words." 

Simon chuckled, "Just like Kiera has told me before: if you can't sleep through a man's snoring or hers, you're not tired enough." 

"I remember tellin' her that when she was a little girl. She'd always complain about my snorin' when we went on cattle drives." 

"I bet she was a little savage growing up, yeah?" 

"Buddy, you have no idea! You better hope that little girl of yours doesn't have a spittin' image of her attitude!" 

"I have a feeling she will be," Simon smirked. "I've already prepared myself for it." 

"Good man," Bud yawned. "I'll see you on the other side." 

"I'll see you on the other side, mate. Goodnight." Simon chuckled, oblivious to what Bud actually meant. 

"Goodnight. Keep forgettin' you're a Brit." He teased. 

"Hopefully my kids learn my accent." 

"Let's argue about this in the morning." He snickered. 

"Sounds like a plan to argue over tea." 

»»-------¤-------««

Simon awoke once he sensed the sun arise, sitting up and running a free hand through his hair before putting back on his hat. He looked over at Bud, seeing his mouth agape and his eyes closed peacefully. Considering it was still somewhat dark with minor light from the morning sun, Simon decided to leave him be knowing that the old man deserved his rest. 

"Looks like I slept through your snoring, old man." He chuckled to himself before walking towards the high line to saddle up his horse, surprised that he saw Baler with Johnny and Teeter, each doing the same. 

"I don't mind working for less than minimum wage, but these mornings with no-coffee rubbish..." Johnny complained, his voice hoarse with exhaustion. 

"It's cowboy shit, baby." Teeter giggled. 

"It'll just make it taste that much better once you get down the hill, Soap Sud." Baler snickered. 

"There you go, mate. Drink up some of that cowboy wisdom!" Simon chimed, his face decorated with a smirk as he joined them, patting his horse on the neck with his free hand while his saddle and pad occupied his other. 

"Just one peaceful morning without you poking at me would be great, L.T." 

"Unfortunately for you, that'll never happen." 

"Where's grandpa?" 

"He's still asleep. I figured I'd let him sleep in since all we have to do is ride back to the ranch." 

"Woah, stone cold Simon has a heart?" Teeter poked. 

"It's a cold one, but it's soft for ones he respects." Johnny answered for him. 

"Ain't that the truth." 

"Alright, now I know who's in charge of cooking breakfast." 

"Who?" 

"You, lad."

"Why?" Baler scoffed. 

"Because you're the first one to have your horse saddled and already talking your shite. Go on." 

The teen huffed, slumping his shoulders as he made his way towards the small fire, sitting on a nearby log as he prepared to heat a can of beans for breakfast. I can't wait to eat mom's breakfast tomorrow, he thought. 

"Father of the year, eh?" Johnny teased. "Looks like you have him all under control." 

"I don't know about that, but we've come a long way that's for sure." 

»»-------¤-------««

Once the morning sun shone across the Wyoming landscape, Simon took notice that Bud hadn't joined them for their late breakfast. Staying on foot, he led his horse towards the tree that he and Bud slept under the night before, seeing him in the same position since he last saw him. "I know it's our day to ride home, but we can get there sooner if you wake up, mate." 

Once he got closer, his playful smirk faded into a frown once he saw the purple and light blue haze that took over his complexion. 

Bud had passed away. 

Sighing heavily through his nose, he looked down at his feet, unaware that a tear had slipped down his cheek. "Well, I couldn't have thought of a better death for you even if you paid me," He sighed. "Sir, I know what you meant when you said you'd see me on the other side. I just hope you're waiting for me with a cigar and a glass of whiskey." 

"Dad! You coming?" Baler shouted from less than a hundred feet away, riding his horse closer to him and stopping once he realized what had happened. "Oh, shit. W-What do we do?" 

"Go get the satellite phone from Teeter. We're not leaving until he is taken care of." 

"Yes, sir." 

»»-------¤-------««

Several hours later, Simon, Johnny, Baler, and Teeter arrived back to the ranch, Baler taking Simon's horse to settle them in while Simon was left to deliver the news to Eva and Kiera, his heart breaking at the thought of what he was to say when the time came.

He forced a smile when he watched Eva stand to her feet after seeing him approach from the porch, a warm and welcoming smile splaying across her face. "Come back in one piece I see!" She smiled. "How are you, sweetheart?" 

"I'm well, thank you," He breathed, welcoming her embrace. "I wouldn't stand too close, I probably don't smell too good." 

"Honey, I can't count on my little old fingers how many times I've smelled Bud with cologne. I'm used to the smell of a man who's been laying in the dirt and sleeping against leather," She giggled, reaching up to wipe a streak of dirt from Simon's cheek. "I figured he would've walked up with you? Did he get caught up talking again?" She smiled. 

Simon sighed, "Where's Kiera?" 

"She went into town with Kristen. They took the kids. Something about going for lunch. She said she tried to text you-"

"No, no, that's okay. I didn't have service the entire time," Simon shook his head. "I-I need to tell you something, I-"

Simon's heart broke when he watched Eva's usual and cheerful face fall into a frown. "Wh-? Si-Simon?" 

She watched him shake his head, avoiding eye contact with her as she slowly put together the pieces. "I'm so sorry, love-"

"-How?" She began to cry, her knees buckling from under her as Simon hastily reached out to catch her, helping her sit on the nearby chair while he rested on one knee in front of her, his frame nearly towering over her as she sat, letting her cling to his coat while she cried, providing a comforting and empathetic embrace for his mother-in-law. 

"Like a cowboy should," He sighed. "His head on his saddle, looking up at the stars, and having a humorous conversation with a friend. He closed his eyes and passed in his sleep." 

He held Eva close as she wept, letting her use the collar of his coat to wipe her tears, "I sure hope that conversation was with you, Simon. He spoke so highly of you." 

"I know," He assured her. "We even had a cigar." 

"I'm not surprised," She forced a playful tone. "I smelled it on you before you even said anything."

"He mentioned he always liked to pick at you and make you mad." 

"That he did," She sniffled. "I can't lie and say I enjoyed that stupid little smirk he did when I'd get irritated with him." 

"I saw it every day, love." 

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About The Owl House Pilot

Huh. Never thought I’d get to do this again, but oh well.

Salutations, random people on the internet! I’m an Ordinary Schmuck! I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

And, above all else, I LOVE talking about The Owl House. I have an entire masterpost dedicated to talking about every single episode of the show and I’m halfway through a six-part review discussing everything that I love about it (Part Four's coming when it’s done. Let’s say…late June. Early July at the latest). I figured that after I’d finished that whole deal, I wouldn’t have anything left to talk about when it came to this series. Then, out of nowhere, the show’s original pilot leaked online…Sort of. It’s just an animatic with the show’s original voice cast voicing MOST of the lines, but it’s very much the pilot episode. It’s just not a finished product and I won’t share a link because I don’t think it’s exactly…legal. BUT I will at least share my thoughts about it because, well…Look at my blog. The Owl House has become the BIG THING that I obsess over for a reason and I love that I got to see what’s basically an alternate version of the show that I love. What do I mean?

Well, a pilot is MUCH different from a first episode. Where the first episode is meant to sell the show to the audience, a pilot is meant to sell it to a STUDIO. It can happen at any point of the story or act as the show’s first episode. Just as long as it shows off the characters, concepts, and tone, a studio can look at it, greenlight it, and allow the show to continue, BUT with some extra notes. Sometimes, those notes can change the rest of the series where others can keep the pilot good enough to stay canon. Some best examples off the top of my head are the pilots for Regular Show and Rick and Morty. You can tell that not much changed from the pilots of those shows and what was initially pitched, but there are clear changes in tone, animation, and even personality. Skips sounds a little more illiterate and Benson being more informed of the consequences of something as simple as rock, paper, scissors in the Regular Show pilot and Rick is noticeably more reckless and unprepared for situations in the Rick and Morty pilot. Nothing is set in stone with a pilot episode, even the ones that are canon. For the case of The Owl House, it’s pilot is no exception. A lot of it is just the same as “A Lying Witch and A Warden” at least in terms of plot and themes, but there are so many changes that show off what the series COULD HAVE been instead of what it was. How different? Well, let’s go through it all.

But real quick, I’m not going to do the “Like/Dislike” format I’ve done for previous reviews. Instead, I’m going to look through this pilot, note the changes it has, and share my thoughts on them. There’s also going to be a few spoilers to what happens in this pilot, so if you haven’t checked it out then I suggest giving it a watch wherever you can find it. It really is interesting to get a peak into what’s basically an alternate version of my favorite show.

With that said, let’s get into it.

Some Things Stayed the Same: Like I said, it’s basically an altered version of “A Lying Witch and A Warden.” The plot is that Eda uses Luz to get King back his “crown of power,” with some bits and pieces carrying over. Certain jokes that must have been too funny to get rid of, specific lines of dialogue that hit just the right notes, and some aspects of the characters’ personalities being just the same, proving that they're already perfect the way they are. It’s the changes, however, that makes for something more interesting. For one…

There’s More of an Emphasis on Comedy: As much as I love The Owl House, I’ll always admit that humor isn't its strong suit. It CAN be funny, really funny. But the jokes don’t land as well as something as Gravity Falls or Amphibia. I can say that a part of that could be because Dana Terrace wanted a more serious show, and we definitely get a sense of how serious it could be later in the series. Here, in the pilot, it definitely seems like there was more of an attempt to make the show comedic. King’s crown isn’t in a warden’s cell held within a magical barrier that only a human can get through. It’s in a Principal’s high school, locked in a human locker that Eda and King treat as something devious. Amity’s friends aren’t preppy mean girls who seem like they could cause conflict to Luz and her friends. They’re characters used for jokes who are amazed by Luz standing up to Lilith. There’s less of an edge and more of a lean towards cutesy fun, waiting until the very end to reveal something heavy. To me, it makes the pilot feel MORE like a Gravity Falls clone than the final product. Because while Gravity Falls has its serious moments, it makes it clear that it was a comedy first, both in the pilot and final product. Any moment of heart or drama was overshadowed by one hilarious joke after the other. Now, “A Lying Witch and A Warden” had a lot of jokes too, but there were also these moments that hinted at something more. You have the oppressive looking prison, the grand beam of light hiding human collectibles, a crazy chase from a threatening looking warden. And yes, the reveal that Warden Wrath was trying to go out with Eda was hilarious, but a warden who tortures a prisoner for speaking her truth gives a hint of how dark this world can be. Meanwhile, a principal sending a student to demon detention feels more like a joke, exaggerating how strict some principals can be.

And keep in mind, I’m not complaining about the pilot leaning more towards comedy. I actually laughed a lot more with it than I did with “A Lying Witch and A Warden.” I’m just trying to explain how the tone is definitely going for something different than the full series. It might have that darker twist in the end, but even that is nothing more than a surprise. I'll get into why later, but while it has darker implications, it doesn't detract from the fun times to be had. Not by much. From what I can gather from the pilot, it’s definitely going for a series with goofy, fun adventures with a bit of heart to it. It’s just missing that personal touch that’s in The Owl House. One good example of how?

There’s Not Even a MENTION of Camila: Before you say anything, this has nothing to do with me being Camila’s number one fan, to the point where I almost made a side-blog dedicated to her (I really should get on that, though…)

I bring up this change because Camila grounds the story in “A Lying Witch and A Warden.” She draws Luz close to reality and is the first thing that comes to Luz’s mind when in real danger, saying, “If I die, my mom will kill me!” More than that, though, Camila is the one real connection Luz has to the human realm. She has no friends nor adventures, but Luz always has Camila, with even the first episode hinting that. So when Luz starts getting herself into trouble or choosing to lie and stay in the Boiling Isles, it lets the audience get ready for the inevitable drama that could unfold when Luz finally tells Camila everything. By removing Camila, though, the anticipation of Luz telling her mom goes away with her. At least, it tells ME that there’s less of a worry about Luz basically running away from home. Either this version of the show is holding off from that for a future episode or that Luz and Camila’s relationship isn’t close enough where it matters. This is speculation, of course, but I still stand by that a sense of something personal with Luz is lost for the sake of having fun and epic fantasy adventures with entertaining characters. It’s still good and entertaining, and the pilot does offer something else that’s personal, but it’s not the same as The Owl House we all fell in love with. Though, it’s notable that our main cast stayed the same.

Luz, Eda, and King: Overall, I’d say that these three, personality wise, didn’t change much. King’s probably the least altered, being the exact same character he was in Season One aside from MAYBE having a design change (It’s hard to tell through storyboards). As for Luz and Eda, they’re more or less the same. There’s a BIG change with Eda (That I’ll get to later), but her devil-may-care attitude is very much the same, as well as her snark and soft nature towards Luz and King. It’s her magic that gets the real boost, being able to do more like teleport across the Isles and turn into a…softer version of the Owl Beast at will. It’s pretty cool to see the power that this alternate Owl Lady has. And then there’s Luz, who’s still the lovable weirdo we all know. Though, this version seems a lot more dim and I’m not really a fan. How does she mistakenly give a book report in geometry class? How did it take seeing Amity’s witch ears to realize that she belonged in the demon realm? Luz had her dumb moments in the show too, but not to this extent. There was still a sense of maturity and cognitive understanding that made Luz feel like someone that seemed weird but intelligent enough to think herself out of a situation. This Luz seems more weird and focused on using brute force on a problem. In a way, it makes Pilot!Luz more of an…emotionally driven Star Butterfly. A fun and capable character, but not the same kind I had made several posts and reviews talking about how much I love/personally connected to her. But, comparatively, I guess it IS the most minor change that could be done to this character. Now let’s move onto BIGGER changes.

The Boiling Isles: The look and feel of the Isles remains the same, but the fact that it’s more connected to the Human Realm is intriguing. From what I can tell, the Demon Realm treats traveling to the Human Realm like it’s going to a new country. You visit, make some memories, and, for some, send your children over to be a foreign exchange student of sorts. Except that racism seems to be encouraged in this regard as the demons and witches don’t see humans worth breathing the same air as them. And some think it’s more than okay to hunt down and kill if one human trespasses into their realm. And the reason for THAT is implied to be Belos’ doing. Er, I mean–*Checks the leaked pitch bible*--Emperor Pupa? Uh…I’ll just stick with Belos. 

And that’s extra fascinating to me because Belos being a witch hunter was a major twist that spoke VOLUMES of the kind of people he represents. To find out that this version is more anti-human makes me curious of what kind of angle the show would have taken. Would Belos have been your bare-bones fantasy villain or would the writers find a different way to tackle his symbolism? And is the reason why the Demon Realm is more open up to the Human Realm because he hopes witches and demons can report about their enemies for a possible invasion? There’s no way to know for sure because that version of the story will never come to be, but it’s interesting to think of all the things we COULD have gotten. The same goes for other characters.

Amity: To think, Amity was considered important enough to be included in the original pitch pilot alongside our main trio. It makes sense. Dana Terrace has gone on record in saying that Luz and Amity’s relationship was something she wanted from the get go, so it’s smart to establish it as quickly as possible. Though the route they take is definitely different. Instead of being enemies to lovers, Lumity, in the original pitch, went for the friends to lovers trope…kind of.

Luz, in this version, is someone so desperate for positive attention and respect that she latches onto the first person in school that was nice to her. Except that Amity was looking for some quiet and just so happened to look like she was supporting Luz when telling everyone to leave her alone. It was an act of kindness, but not one done in generosity. It still meant the world to Luz, though, making her go ALL IN with friendship. Only to be a little too forward and creeped Amity out to the point where she was polite enough to say “Thank you,” but you could see the desperation in her eyes to be anywhere but next to Luz. Yet Luz doesn’t see that. She’s still too focused that someone was actually nice to her that she blindly follows Amity into a new world just to return a weird looking passport. Because Amity’s Luz’s friend now and friends do nice things to each other. Only for Amity to accidentally reveal that she couldn’t care less for Luz and shatter her hopes and dreams in one fell swoop.

In a weird way, I’d say Luz and Amity are off on a better first impression here than in the original series. There’s no attempted dissections or witch’s duels. Just…Amity trying to be polite in Luz’s presence only to act like your typical mean girl when she THINKS Luz isn’t around. Tossing away the drawing is harsh for sure, but here’s the interesting thing: Amity didn’t know she was talking to Luz at that moment. She didn’t even get rid of the drawing until someone drew (haha) attention to it. If anything, it’s worth noting that Amity still kept the drawing on her. Almost like, despite being weirded out by Luz, Amity felt as though the drawing WAS cute and only got rid of it when she thought someone would question her for having it. Can’t have that Little Miss Perfect status shatter over something some human gave her.

Am I reaching as a Lumity shipper? Oh, most certainly yes. But we all know the inevitable conclusion between these two. We know where they’re headed. Dana has been pretty adamant about wanting it from the start and this pilot sets the groundwork well. Knowing where these two will end up, it’s easy to make connections and hypothesize what means what. Plus, look at the face of shock and amazement on Amity’s face when she sees Luz standing up to Lilith. That looks like a girl who’s…feeling things for this human weirdo. They’re not off to a ROARING start, but I can see how things could improve between Luz and Amity. And who knows, maybe this version of these two might end up dating sooner with how quickly they seem interested in each other. Again, am I reaching? Most definitely, but I went without any new Lumity content for over a year so LET ME REACH!

The point I’m trying to make is that this version of Amity definitely seems a lot more chill and polite at the start, even though it’s likely she still has issues of even being FRIENDS with a human. But not everyone starts off polite.

Lilith: Crazy to think that Lilith started out as…basically a one-off villain like Warden Wrath. At least, that’s what I gathered from the pilot. The pitch bible hints that there COULD be more to her, but at the same time she gets sent to a fire dimension and loses a hand. That’s one-off villain energy if I’ve ever seen it. But if she is meant to be something more, I would love to see what differences could come of her being the headmaster of Hexside instead of Bump and how she could either develop into someone better through Luz’s influence as a student or regress into someone worse as she makes Luz’s school life a living hell. Whatever could come from her, it was kind of fun seeing Lilith act as more of a threat with her…out of nowhere ability to turn into a bat monster. It’s a pretty cool design and I love that it was brought out due to Eda’s constant pestering, proving that Lilith is still the same insecure nut that I love. And it is pretty great that this pilot confirmed that Lilith really did dye her hair to look more serious. You CAN’T tell me that’s not why the Lilith we know ditched the curly red hair.

But that’s about it when it comes to changes towards characters and locations. Let’s talk about the potential differences in the ongoing story.

Luz Stays Trapped Instead of Choosing to Stay: I mean, technically she chose to stay by breaking that key for no reason, but that’s more of a consequence of not thinking things through. She didn’t NEED to break the key, Luz could have just as easily pulled it out. Instead, she kicked the dang thing, leaving herself trapped in this new world. And it’s here that I would like to once again point out how this makes Pilot!Luz different and what’s lost by not including Camila. The Luz WE know would have been more careful. She always felt like someone who fought smarter, not harder, even in that first episode. Luz didn’t fight Wrath head on, she rallied a prison riot that distracted him long enough for her to hit a firework ball into his mouth. She’s intelligent and resourceful, where this one…kind of is? It was smart to send Lilith to the fire dimension, but again, not a great plan to break the key. Plus, without Camila, this doesn’t feel like as big of a deal as it could have been. Camila was the first person in Luz’s mind as she destroyed the portal door in the Season One finale. In the pilot, with no Camila, it feels like a non-sacrifice or even that big of a deal. She’s stuck, sure, but Luz doesn’t really seem to care that much. She feels happy being with Eda and King and doesn’t seem to be in that big of a rush to get home. Plus, it’s not exactly complicated to get back. There was a whole line of portal doors in the beginning that Luz could potentially sneak through and there’s not yet an established cannon that makes it seem like getting a new key would be difficult or even complicated. Once more, it gives the impression that this version of The Owl House would be focused less on personal stakes and more like giving Luz that fantasy adventure she’s always been craving for. It would make for a fun show, but not the SAME show. However, it is worth noting that there could be some potential drama. Especially for one twist that was a JOLT to my system.

EDA WORKS FOR THE EMPEROR?!: WHAT?!

I’ll admit, I feel like the reason why this is so shocking is because of the Eda I know and the Emperor I learned to fear. I mean, Eda, the woman who would sooner eat her own fist before even CONSIDERING helping Belos, even before the witch hunter business, was originally meant to HELP him. Of all the changes that the series could have made, this was by far the biggest. Everything that I thought to be constant turned out to be a lie and I was NOT prepared for it!

But again, the reason why I got that big of a reaction is because it goes against everything I knew about Eda. If this was my first introduction to her, it’d be less of a shocking twist and more of a…hook. Like how Invincible’s first episode (Don’t watch if you’re a baby) ends with a character you THOUGHT you could trust doing this intensely dark thing. The rest of the season is leading you to figure out WHY this was done and how the other characters would react, making you want to see more as the show inevitably leads up to this big conclusion that changes everything you once knew. The same applies here, with the reveal making me wonder why Eda would do this, how long she’s been doing it, how it will affect her relationship with Luz, and whether or not it’d be an easy fix. And much like the ending of Invincible’s first episode (Seriously, NOT meant for babies), this hook makes me interested in wanting to see what comes next. Except I never will know because that came from a version of The Owl House that will never exist.

The pilot is interesting because it shows me what The Owl House COULD have been. I wouldn’t say that it’s better than what we got or even that it’s a better first impression than “A Lying Witch and A Warden.” It’s definitely FUNNIER, I’ll give it that, but it doesn’t make the original pitch better, it makes it different. Everything looks the same and sounds the same, but the overall feel of this pilot makes it something that would have had a different story, tone, and ideas on how to develop these characters. Would I have liked it? Absolutely. It seems like a fun time. But that doesn’t mean I like the show we got any less. This was more like…getting a peek into an alternate universe where a show I already love would have been vastly different. And after over a year without any new Owl House content aside from stuff that fans have made, this was a very pleasant surprise that leaves me excited for the NEW fan content that springs from all this.

But that’s enough talking about a show that could have been made. Time to get back to a series that came into existence and I still love so much. See you all then as you all milk this gift that the internet has given you.