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kallie-den · 6 months ago

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Preyblood

After drinking her prey’s corrupted blood, a vampire hunter discovers who the real predator is as feelings of love and hate for the vampire begin to blur

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As Emily was swallowed up by the club, with all its riotous colors and dancing, pounding music, and sinuous writhing of bodies, she clutched the wooden stake tight in her hand. She hated hunting in places like this. It set all her old military instincts on edge. Watch your six, check the corners, keep line-of-sight to the exits - none of that made any sense in such a chaotic environment. She couldn’t control what was going on around her. It made her feel defenseless.

Emily ran her fingers up and down the stake in her hand, taking a moment to feel the grain of the wood and remind herself of its heft. No, she told herself. She wasn’t the defenseless one here.

She was the hunter. And the vampire nesting here was her prey.

It was a typical enough haunt for a bloodsucker. Dark, sensual, open all night, lots of potential, pliable victims. An ideal hunting ground. This one, in particular, was a lesbian club, and Emily had to grant the vampire a little grudging respect for that. It was the kind of place she might have enjoyed spending time herself if she wasn’t on the hunt. Picking up a girl was a nice way to blow off steam, and what kind of lesbian wouldn’t go for a tall, strong, athletic dyke in a leather jacket and combat boots? Just as long as they didn’t mind that she was trans, anyway.

But that would have to wait for another night. Tonight, Emily could afford no distractions. She was an experienced hunter, but vampires were never easy to bring down. Emily kept her ears strained to hear over the loud music, and she kept scanning the room, searching for the slightest hint of reddened eyes or sharpened fangs. Nothing yet. In all likelihood, the creature was holed up in a private room out back or on the floors above. That was their usual way: a quiet little den, a place to sleep through the day and feed undisturbed at night. So, slowly and cautiously, Emily started making her way towards the back of the club, although she had to struggle to push her way through the tight crush of dancing bodies, made strange and hard to track by the dim, shifting, flickering, multi-colored club lights.

“Hello there, stranger,” someone whispered in her ear. “Are you looking for a good time?”

Without warning, some girl - drunk, probably - was draped across Emily’s shoulder. Emily did her best to brush her off, but the girl was clinging to her tight, entangling their limbs together.

“Hey,” the girl drawled insistently. “There’s no need to be so rude!”

“Not tonight,” Emily grunted. “Busy. Out of my way.”

The girl didn’t budge. Wary of distractions, Emily kept scanning the club. The girl was pressed up to her side, and all Emily saw of her was a shock of long, curly, red hair. Still no sign of the bloodsucker.

“Come on now.” The girl was purring right into her ear now. Her words sounded strange; it was as if she had a hint of some weird, old-timey accent. Maybe she was on something. “What’s the hurry?”

“Looking for someone,” Emily replied. She couldn’t spare the energy to think of a lie.

“Aww!” The stranger made a pouty noise. Emily still couldn’t seem to shake her off. She was surprisingly strong and clingy, for a party girl. “You’re all taken already? I can’t have you?”

“Not tonight.”

“Who you looking for?” the girl whined.

Emily sighed. Maybe if she just answered, the girl would leave her alone.

“Letitia,” she said. “Letitia Clarendon. Know her?”

“Oh!” the girl replied brightly. “In that case, I guess you’re all mine after all!”

A single heartbeat after all the alarm bells sounded in Emily’s head, she felt two sharp fangs plunge into her neck.

Emily didn’t scream. She was far too much of a pro for that. All around her, people kept drinking, dancing, laughing - but the vampire hunter was keenly aware of the fact that she was in dire danger. Emily turned, thrashing, elbowing - but now the vampire was using all her unholy strength, and Emily could already feel the creature’s soporific venom spreading through her body.

With each drop of blood Letitia Clarendon sucked from her veins, the vampire grew stronger, and Emily grew weaker.

“Get the fuck off me!” Emily roared. Mustering all her strength, she managed to wrench her body forward, out of the vampire’s grasp. Emily had time to let out a single gasp of relief, before wheeling to face her foe, stake raised.

“I’m sorry, darling,” Letitia sang. As lights flickered on, Emily saw pale skin, red lips, a wide smile, and blood. “I like it rough, see. And I think I’d like to keep you.”

Emily was ready to strike. She was ready to defend. She wasn’t ready for the vampire to surge forward and kiss her.

She felt the bloodsucker’s lips against her own before she knew what was happening. The vampire was a formidable kisser, despite her grave-cold flesh; she teased Emily’s lips apart effortlessly, and the vampire hunter found her mouth invaded by a tongue that was unnaturally long and impossibly nimble.

And that was coated in something that tasted of iron and sin.

A little of it had already trickled down Emily’s throat before she figured out what it was. Blood. And not her own. Not human. No, there was something distinctly unnatural about the taste. The vampire must have pricked her tongue on her own fang as she moved in for the kiss.

She was feeding Emily vampire’s blood. Vitae.

Emily recoiled violently at the sensation of that poison being poured down her throat. She tried to make herself choke it up, but the vitae was somehow sticky and slick in equal measure, and with the vampire’s tongue prying her throat open, Emily couldn’t keep it up. Letitia’s kiss was equally as inescapable. She was wrapped around Emily like a serpent, coiling tight, clinging, somehow guiding Emily as the two of them stumbled and struggled.

“Come now.” Letitia drew back, just barely, so she could hiss to Emily. Her voice was dripping with sour candy. “Let us get to know each other somewhere a little more private.”

Before Emily could spit a reply, the vampire’s tongue was back in her mouth, pumping even more of her poison past the hunter’s lips. Emily was still trying to throw her off, but something about the blood she was unwillingly imbibing was robbing her of her strength. Her vision was blurring, and she was finding it hard to resist as Letitia dragged her through the club and out towards the back rooms.

To anyone else, they probably just looked like one more pair of drunk, horny, stumbling lesbians.

Once the vampire finally drew back and allowed Emily to take a breath, the two of them were in a large, private room, luxuriously decorated, illuminated by low, steady, yellow lamps. Emily bent double and heaved, trying to will her body to expel everything she’d just drunk. It didn’t work.

“My, my,” Letitia purred. “Aren’t you a strapping thing?”

Emily looked up and, for the first time, got a real look at her prey.

Letitia Clarendon, vampire, was around a hundred years old, and came from an upper-class, old-money background. That was about all Emily’s research had given her. The real thing certainly bore that out. Letitia was only medium-height, but she certainly carried herself like an aristocrat. She had long, red, rich, curly hair, high, arching cheekbones, and freckled, milk-pale skin, lit within by a slight, pink blush that Emily knew came only from the blood the vampire had just drunk. She had an aristocrat's figure, too; plump from indulgence, and all the more alluring for it.

For a moment, Emily was struck by the odd notion that, in another life, Letitia could have made for a perfect farmgirl. Soft, rosy, warm, sun-kissed. Instead, she was a pale, immortal predator from another age.

Letitia’s attire - a floor-length dress, accented by no small amount of jeweled finery - was just as old-fashioned as her accent, but thanks to a few modern touches, probably let her pass herself off as some kind of devoted subculture fashionista. Anyone who looked too closely, though, would be sure to see that her apparent humanity was nothing more than a paper-thin veneer spread across undeniable monstrosity. Her eyes gleamed with a wicked, red light, she had a corpse’s countenance, and two of her teeth were far, far too long to be natural. Still, there was an undeniable, elfen beauty to her undeath that stirred even Emily. She was having a hard time peeling her gaze away from the vampire’s figure.

But more than anything else, Emily hated her. She simply hated her.

It didn’t matter what they looked like. She hated every single one of those bloodsuckers. Emily had vowed to devote her life to hunting them down. Letitia Clarendon had already given her more trouble than any yet - but Emily was sure she could still put her down. A little exchanged blood didn’t change a thing.

The stake in her hand was still sharp, and Emily still had the strength to lift it. That was all that counted.

“Darling,” Letitia drawled, as Emily raised her weapon, “if you wanted to dance, you ought to have simply asked. You really are my type.”

Emily’s lips pulled back into a snarl. “Funny. Real funny.”

“Oh, darling,” Letitia tutted. “Who’s joking? You’re really quite the kisser, you know. Enthusiastic. I enjoyed it.”

The vampire made a show of opening her mouth and letting her elongated drool out of her mouth, dripping some of her own black vitae onto the floor. As she lapped at her own fangs, polishing them clean, Emily was embarrassed to note a strange shiver race down her spine. She thought, unwillingly, about just how dexterous that organ was, and about how it had felt when it had forced its way into her mouth and down her throat.

Then she thought about how much of the vampire’s blood she’d drunk. She’d heard stories, of course. Dependency. Thralldom. She didn’t know exactly how much vitae that required, or exactly how much she’d drunk. Was it already doing something to her?

With all her being, Emily rejected that. She summoned up all her hate for the unholy, predatory creature standing before her, and spat it in her face.

“Fuck you.” Emily’s voice came out alarmingly thick. “Go fuck yourself.”

Joy danced in Letitia’s eyes. “You’d enjoy watching that, I’m sure.”

“Fuck. You.”

“Even more than you enjoyed our kiss, perhaps.”

“Bullshit! Fuck you!” Why was it suddenly so hard for Emily to find her fire?

“Oh, darling.” Letitia licked her lips. Another treasonous shiver. “I can see for myself that you’re not being truthful. Slut.”

Her eyes flicked down pointedly as she spat out that last, pointed syllable. Emily couldn’t help but look down too, following the vampire’s gaze. Once she saw it, her cheeks started to burn.

Emily was hard.

Despite the folds in her loose combat pants, it was unmistakable. Emily was hard. Harder than she’d ever been, maybe. At once, her bravado was undercut by embarrassment. Suddenly, the nature of her distraction was so much clearer. Emily’s overpowering attraction to the vampire standing before her was buzzing in the back of her brain.

Emily immediately started flailing for an explanation. She was a lesbian, yes, but this was more than that. Normally, she would never allow herself to feel such longing for an undead monster like Letitia.

“Who cares?” Emily spat, with a fierceness she was no longer sure she felt. “You’re about to be dust.”

Letitia let out a loud, shrill laugh. “My! You really are something.” She licked her lips once more. “Yes. Yes, I really must make you mine.”

Emily snarled furiously. She decided to end this before the vampire could confuse her any further. Drawing on all her strength, all her hate, Emily raised her stake and charged forward. Vampires could be inhumanly fast, but Emily’s combat instincts were honed to a razor’s sharpness. She crossed the short distance between them in no time at all. As the tip of Emily’s stake scythed through the air, towards Letitia’s chest, she rejoiced as she saw that the vampire hadn’t even raised a hand to defend herself.

Typical bloodsucker. Too cocky, and too slow when it really counted. It was already over.

Then, Emily’s arm froze.

It took her a long moment to realize what had happened. At first, Emily thought that she’d hit some kind of forcefield, or perhaps that time itself had ground to a halt. Eventually, though, she realized that her muscles had simply locked up. Her limbs felt like iron girders. They refused to obey her commands, and Emily was left standing there like a scarecrow, paralyzed, stake held mere inches from its target.

Letitia’s lips curled up into a smirk.

“W-what did you do to me?” Emily whispered. For the first time ever, she felt powerless on a hunt.

“You’re taking to it well,” Letitia noted, pleased. “Yes. Yes, I think we’re going to get along beautifully, darling hunter.”

The savage confidence in Letitia’s voice made Emily step backward. Discovering she could move again restored her confidence, but that drained away again just as quickly when she realized that she still couldn’t strike at Letitia. Every time she tried, her body rebelled. Something inside her was fighting Emily’s commands. It was like there was something black and wet wrapped around her spine, pulling her nerve endings like strings, formed of an inexplicable reluctance to hurt the monstrous creature bearing down on her.

The vitae. It had to be.

“What’s the matter, hunter?” Letitia chided. She took one step forward; Emily, one back. “Where’s that adorable confidence? Where’s that strength now?”

Emily opened her mouth, but all that came out was a strangled grunt. She kept backing away, but Letitia kept coming, and all that came into Emily’s head were useless, childish protestations at the unfairness of the vampire’s power.

Those, and stray, unwelcome observations about her unnatural beauty.

“Come now,” Letitia chided. “Don’t run. Let me get a proper taste of you.”

Emily felt her back hit the wall. Nowhere left to run. Some hunter.

“Don’t worry.” Letitia’s smile made her fangs look sharper than ever. “You’ll enjoy it.”

Until the bitter end, Emily tried to make herself strike at Letitia, but it was useless. Once the vampire’s fangs pierced her jugular, even that rebellious urge drained away. By the time Letitia started feeding Emily more of her vitae, the hunter was far too weak to do anything but lap it up.

Shamefully, despite the blood loss, she remained hard the entire time.

***

Without real energy or enthusiasm, Emily once again yanked at the sturdy, iron chain binding her to the wall. Sitting, slumped, she watched forlornly as, unsurprisingly, the bracket didn’t even budge.

There was no escape. But then, Emily had already figured that out a long time ago.

It had been weeks. At least, Emily thought so. All she had to count by were the glimmers of sunlight that passed through the cracks in the paint on the blacked-out windows, but she was starting to lose track of exactly how many nights it had been. At first, things like that had seemed important - counting the days, figuring out where she was and how to get away. Emily had the sense that she was somewhere high up, perhaps in the disused rooms a few floors up from Letitia’s club. But over time, fear and boredom had given way to a kind of haze in which nothing mattered at all. She’d even abandoned the exercise regimen she’d planned to keep herself in fighting form for when the vampire came.

But when she came, there was never any question of fighting.

Letitia’s irregular appearances were the only times anything at all seemed to matter. They were the only times Emily felt alive. Every time her ears pricked up at the sound of footsteps, Emily’s breast swelled with a sick kind of anticipation, knowing that as soon as that strange, aristocratic creature appeared, Emily’s heart would begin to pound again with a heady, uncomfortable mixture of hate and admiration.

It was the only thing she seemed to feel at all, anymore. There was nothing else. Letitia Clarendon’s twisted gift had seen to that. Her unholy blood. Emily could feel the inky, black substance inside her, gnawing at her, hollowing her out. It was the stuff of her worst nightmares.

Emily didn’t know how to fight it. All she knew was that she had to hold on to what she was sure of: her purpose as a hunter, and her violent hatred for the bloodsucker keeping her captive.

How long? That was the question she kept asking herself. How long until someone came for her? How long until she was rescued? Only, over time, as hope had grown fainter and fainter, that question had started to change. To mutate.

How long until Letitia comes to see her again?

A footstep. At once, Emily’s pulse quickened. She was sure that a creature like Letitia could move silently, if she chose, but she couldn’t help but be grateful that Letitia allowed Emily to prepare for her coming. To savor the anticipation. Emily drew herself upright, back resting against the wall, and listened to the steps getting closer.

In the last moment before the door opened, Emily found herself grinning.

Letitia Clarendon swept into the room like the night. She was dressed, as usual, in a huge, sweeping, Victorian dress, and adorned in other, equally-archaic finery. Her fashion, it seemed, had never quite kept up with the times. She was sharp, though. Emily knew that much. Letitia knew exactly how she looked, and how best to turn it to her advantage.

There was a gleeful spring in the vampire’s step, like coming to see Emily was the highlight of her night. Emily couldn’t help but feel a little appreciative of that. By the same token, being in the same room as Letitia made Emily feel sharper. On edge. Alive. It was a chance for her to spit her fire at the bloodsucker holding her captive. To assert herself. To hear her own voice spoken out loud without talking to herself like a crazy person.

And a chance to look. Letitia Clarendon really was astonishingly beautiful. More and more, as nights passed, Emily found herself dwelling on it. She’d given up pretending she wasn’t stirred by the vampire’s appearance. By her sensual presence. The evidence was all too pressing.

Emily kept insisting to herself that it was just because she was a lesbian, and just because she didn’t have anything else to think about. That was why couldn’t help gratifying herself to the thought of Letitia between visits.

“Good evening, Emily,” Letitia greeted her, smiling. Showing teeth. “How is my hunter this fine evening?”

As she spoke, Emily noticed a fleck of crimson on the tip of one of her fangs. It made bile and choler rise in her throat.

“Not bad,” Emily spat defiantly. She was still grinning. “Strong. How about you let me out of these chains and we can find out?”

Letitia let out a merry laugh. “Good, good! I’m glad to hear it. I wouldn’t want you to lose that fine spirit of yours.”

It was incredible how everything came into focus when Letitia was around. Suddenly, Emily’s tongue cracked like a whip. She could feel sparks in her belly. It was so much better than all that numbness. Emily had to remind herself, forcefully, that the vampire’s presence was no kindness. It was deceptively easy to forget that. Letitia Clarendon was coated with candy. Her words were thick with an overbearing sweetness that belied the malice beneath.

Emily knew better than to be fooled by such a transparently two-faced demeanor. But with Letitia, there was something slippery about it. Her presence was so undeniably pleasant and it was somehow a constant temptation to slip beneath the vampire’s flow; to take her pretty face and easy smile at face value. To treat her like a friend or a lover, instead of a captor.

To forget what she was.

Again and again, Emily had to remind herself she was dealing with a monstrous predator. Why was it so easy to lose sight of that?

Probably because of her beauty.

“Of course not,” Emily growled. “Why? What are you keeping me here for?”

“Why?” Letitia blinked at her, eyes guileless. “For the pleasure of your company, of course.”

Her beauty was oppressive. It weighed heavy on Emily’s shoulders. Frankly, she wasn’t sure how she’d ever been so oblivious to it. Emily had noticed, certainly, but somehow, on the first night, she hadn’t been dazzled by it. Letitia’s true beauty hadn’t quite struck her. Now, it was different. Just being in the same room as the vampire was distracting. What Emily had first deemed ghoulish about Letitia’s undead features, she’d now come to accept was simply her own difficulty coming to terms with physical perfection.

Yes, Letitia was perfect. Her cheekbones, her complexions, her long tongue and teeth, her ethereal red eyes - all of it was perfect. Her beauty was beyond human.

Perhaps that was why it was so treasonously tempting to just say ‘yes’ to her.

“Bullshit,” Emily spat. She refused to give in to that instinct. “I know your type. You’re hungry. Always hungry. If you’re not drinking me dry, there’s gotta be a good reason for it.”

Again, Letitia laughed merrily. She always seemed so carefree. It kept Emily wondering: what if she could find something sharp? What if she could lure the vampire just a little closer?

“I suppose you’re right,” Letitia admitted. “It’s true. I have my reasons. You see, you have something I want.”

Emily was all ears. “And what’s that?”

“I already told you,” Letitia replied. “Your spirit. You see, it really is so hard to find good servants these days.”

For five solid seconds, Emily just blinked. Then she scrunched up her face in disgust and started guffawing.

“Oh, that’s a good one,” she spat, between laughs. “Me? Serving you? That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?” Letitia’s confidence was unmarred by Emily’s open mockery. “I hardly think so. You see, at my side, you could be magnificent. I have use for a hunter. I want you - and I always get what I want.”

Her smugness was insufferable - but beneath that, Emily couldn’t help feeling ever so slightly flattered. Letitia Clarendon wanted her. Of all people - her. It was an intoxicating notion. There was a certain pride to be taken in it, even. Part of Emily badly wanted to ask: why? Was it her looks? Her skills? Something more?

But she had more dignity than that. “Let’s get one thing straight, bloodsucker,” Emily made her gaze steel as she stared into Letitia’s eyes. “I hate your kind. I hate you. And no matter what, as long as I live, I will never, ever serve you.”

“Really?” Letitia raised an eyebrow, and then a hand.

“Yes, damn you!” Emily roared. “You fucking disgust me, vampire. I would sooner die than… I’d never… never…”

Her words died. Her eyes betrayed her, and she gave way in their little staring contest of wills. Instead, her vision locked onto something else: the little drop of black blood, welling up from where Letitia had pricked her finger on one of her talons.

And there it was again. The need.

Most of the time, during her captivity, Emily had been free from want and need. She’d felt nothing. No appetite. No hunger. But when Letitia confronted her with the vampire’s vitae, it all came roaring back. Suddenly, Emily became conscious of just how long it had been since any food had passed her lips. Her stomach, cavernous and empty, began to eat at her from the inside. A piercing, debilitating awareness of her own weakness washed over Emily. The hunter felt faint, pale, sluggish. Like she could barely move.

But one drop could fix all that. Just one drop.

Emily felt the chain pull taut around her ankle. She looked down, and realized that she’d already been crawling forward.

“I’m sorry?” Letitia said sweetly. “What was that you were saying?”

A whine forced its way past Emily’s lips. It had been like this ever since that first night. The very first drop of Letitia’s unholy blood, given in a kiss, had taken root inside Emily like a poisoned seed. Most of the time, she managed not to dwell on it. The cravings. The addiction. After each visit, she promised the next would be different. She promised she’d be tougher. Stronger. Sterner with herself. That she’d find the courage to say ‘no’ to Letitia.

Those promises were melting all around her.

At first, she’d fought tooth and nail to stop Letitia from force-feeding her the vitae. But the vampire, flush with fresh blood and unnatural strength, had always won, and so somehow, eventually, Emily had given up resisting. She’d just allowed it to happen. And then, before she’d realized what was happening, it had become too late.

“I…” Emily found herself saying. Her words came out wet and thick. She was salivating like a dog.

“I suppose there is something else I want,” Letitia mused, as if she was oblivious to Emily’s plight. “Besides your spirit, I mean. Something very important.”

An offhand gesture sent a single, tiny droplet of Letitia’s blood spilling onto the ground. Emily watched it fall in slow motion, unable to stop it. As it splashed uselessly across the dirty floorboards, Emily let out a weak, keening cry. In moments it was gone, absorbed into the sawdust.

“I need your spirit,” Letitia told her, “and I need your love.”

That word caught Emily’s attention. She looked up at the vampire, dumbfounded.

“L… love?” she bleated.

“Do you know why dogs are so wonderfully obedient to their masters?” A touch of madness glinted in Letitia’s crimson eyes. “Because they love them.”

As hard as it was to feel anything but worship while she was in the throes of addiction, that comment made Emily indignant. “I’m not a goddamn dog.”

Letitia ignored her. “Do you know why dogs love their masters?” she asked. “Because they feed them. It’s that simple.”

Emily barked a laugh. Her head was swimming. Above her, Letitia shone like the moon. Every clear thought was a struggle.

“You’re crazy,” Emily spat.

“And you’re hungry,” Letitia replied.

Before Emily could form a retort, Letitia took a step towards and held her hand out towards the captive hunter. Instantly, Emily’s world shrank to a single point. The little back droplets welling up on the vampire’s finger were the only things that mattered. It was so close now, Emily could even smell it. The scent was more intoxicating than anything else; the iron, and the hint of something darker beneath. Emily was starting to drool down her chin.

“That’s better,” Letitia soothed. “Would you like a taste, my dear hunter?”

Without thinking, Emily nodded. She wasn’t even ashamed of herself for doing so. Raw hunger was the only thing left in her head.

“Then taste.” Letitia moved closer still, holding her hand down at the level of her hips. “Drink.”

Emily’s brow furrowed in confusion. Usually, when Letitia visited her, she poured her blood into a dish and offered it to Emily. Sometimes, she simply overpowered the hunter and forced her into another twisted kiss. This was new.

“H… how?” Emily asked, tongue wet. She already knew the answer.

“Drink,” Letitia repeated.

She didn’t explain. She didn’t need to. It only took a few more moments for Emily’s hunger to overpower her better judgment.

Emily stretched forward and wrapped her lips around Letitia’s bloody finger.

She suckled with the starving fervor of a newborn babe. It tasted every bit as good as she’d known it would. Just a few drops of the vampire’s blood were all it took to infuse Emily’s entire body with energy. She felt like she could run a marathon, or climb a sheer cliff face. She felt like she could fly.

She felt amazing.

Nothing could pierce that euphoria. Not shame, nor humiliation, nor the bitter sting of defeat. Emily was immune to those. She was on cloud nine. Emily kept licking and sucking, unwilling to let even the smallest droplet of Letitia’s ambrosia go to waste. She lavished the vampire’s skin with worshipful attention, kissing and licking every inch of her finger until it was clean. Letitia even helped, pumping her finger backward and forward, in and out of Emily’s mouth. Distantly, as if it was coming from far away, Emily heard the vampire’s laugh.

It didn’t matter. In that moment, all she could feel towards Letitia was an overbearing sense of gratitude.

Emily stopped once it became obvious that the small cut on Letitia’s finger had healed minutes ago. The hunter slumped backward and shivered rapturously as vitae coursed throughout her body. There was no feeling like this. No drug or high came even close.

“Well,” Letitia remarked mirthfully, “I don’t know about your spirit. But I see that your energy is certainly undiminished.”

Emily knew at once what she was referring to. As always, after a feeding, Emily was rock hard and tenting her pants. She couldn’t help it. Letitia’s blood left her infused with vigor - and besides, the vampire’s beauty seemed to grow after each meal. Emily felt like she could stare at Letitia forever, admiring her like a work of art. It was so strange, that such a dark creature would look so angelic.

“I’ll give you some more time to yourself,” Letitia announced, and spun to face the doorway. “To… contemplate your situation.”

Her sudden absence dimmed Emily’s blissful mood a little. It wasn’t long before the effects of the blood wore off, and Emily was left, once again, ashamed of her weakness and conscious of her own thirst. She knew the vitae was doing something to her. After each twisted feeding, she could feel something growing inside her. A kind of foreign influence, utterly alien to her true desires, but terrifyingly seductive and potent. It was nursing a kind of obsession for Letitia Clarendon; a violent one, perhaps, but still, a passionate one.

It was the kind of thing that might give birth to the very worst kind of love.

Emily had to stop. She knew she had to stop. Next time, she had to find a way to avoid drinking Letitia’s blood.

But somehow, as the minutes wore on, that thought slipped through her fingers, while the bittersweet memory of her captor’s face burned bright in her head, distracting her, luring her hand between her legs to deal with her sudden need.

It wasn’t long before she was counting down the time until Letitia might visit her again.

***

Emily didn’t look at the girl’s face. She refused to. She didn’t want to remember it. She didn’t want that face to haunt her, as others had. But, as ever, Letitia was kind. As she kept one hand clasped around the girl’s throat, she offered the other, dripping with vitae, toward Emily. As always, the former hunter was instantly transfixed by the mere sight of the substance. It helped her to block out everything else that was going on.

At least there was no whimpering or screaming. Mercifully, Letitia had somehow stunned her prey into submission. The poor, innocent thing remained calm, a vacant, dreamlike smile on her face, even as the vampire started tearing into her throat.

Emily flinched, but she still didn’t look. She kept her eyes on Letitia’s black-coated fingertips.

The first time Letitia had brought prey to Emily’s room, she’d been confused. When Letitia’s intentions had become clear, Emily had even managed to find some of her old fire, dampened though it was by weeks and weeks of starved apathy.

It had been useless, of course. Emily wasn’t chained up anymore - though she didn’t remember being freed, either - but Letitia had quickly taught her that resistance was meaningless.

And anyway, Emily couldn’t really bring herself to fight Letitia. Not anymore.

There was a splatter and a spurt, as Letitia’s fangs pierced the jugular. It churned Emily’s stomach, but she ignored it. She just sat waiting, peaceful and patient, exactly the way the vampire wanted.

Emily knew what was happening, of course. She was too smart not to, and besides, Letitia had made no real secret of her plans. It was simple exposure therapy. A way to desensitize her to the vampire’s true nature, and to progressively erode Emily’s convictions. After all, it was difficult to stand up against something when you’d been a silent, tacitly accepting bystander to it time and time again.

Emily knew what was happening. The problem was that she couldn’t seem to make herself care.

She’d long since given up on keeping track of how long she’d been held captive by Letitia - if ‘captive’ was even the right word anymore. She could leave whenever she wanted, but Letitia had made it clear that if she left, she’d never see or taste the vampire ever again. And for no more than that, Emily had stayed in that dark, squalid room, enduring countless hours of numbness and boredom that ground her down into a shadow of who she’d once been. All that was left were her feelings for Letitia.

She didn’t care about anything except Letitia anymore.

With a loud, wet smack, Letitia withdrew her fangs from the drained girl’s neck. A single, offhanded shove sent her sprawling to the ground, spent. Emily flinched - but she still didn’t look.

Letitia nodded approvingly at her stillness. “Good,” the vampire told her. “Very good.”

Pride, just as poisonous as any unholy blood, started to glow within Emily. She couldn’t help but be proud. Being praised by a creature like Letitia was a wonder. Her beauty was indescribable. She was more like a goddess than a mere mortal being like Emily.

“Drink up.” Letitia thrust her hand toward Emily. “You’ve earned it.”

Emily’s composure broke in an instant. Her meek stillness was gone, replaced by an unnatural voracity. Emily fed like an animal, lapping, licking, kissing, sucking - lavishing her new master’s skin with worshipful attention, and then, once all the vampire’s blood was gone, licking it clean of her own unworthy saliva.

She smiled. There it was again. Bliss.

Letitia took a moment to brush her fingertips affectionately across Emily’s cheek. It had become a little ritual of hers, after each feeding. A way to bond with her new pet.

“Yes, you’re coming along nicely,” Letitia mused. “Aren’t you?”

Emily blushed, flustered. Letitia was talking to her the way someone might a puppy, but Emily could feel nothing but warmth.

“Yes,” she muttered. “T-thank you.”

Letitia raised an eyebrow. She seemed pleased.

“And still… energetic, I see,” she remarked, eyes flicking downward.

Emily was hard. She always was, when Letitia graced her with her attention. Emily had given up on pleasuring herself - it didn’t seem to satisfy, without the vampire’s presence - but now that her belly was full of black blood, she was conscious of her own, desperate need.

“Do you remember,” Letitia asked her, “what I called you, the first night that we met?”

Emily nodded. Every detail of that encounter was burned into her brain. The memory was steadily supplanting all memories that had come before. It was the moment she’d begun.

“Yes,” Emily replied, voice stilted and meek. “A slut.”

“And I was right, wasn’t I?”

Before Emily could agree, Letitia stepped forward and, balancing on one leg for a moment, brought her other foot down to press against the stiff tent of Emily’s cock.

Emily gasped. She saw white. She looked up in awed confusion. The former hunter had never dared to dream that Letitia would touch like that.

“Wasn’t I?” Letitia repeated.

“Y-yes!” Emily gasped urgently. Letitia was barely touching her, but the pleasure was unbelievable. The sole of her foot felt better than any other girl ever had.

“Good girl.”

Letitia nodded in a way that Emily somehow knew meant permission, and without hesitation, Emily started to buck her hips and hump Letitia’s foot.

“Oh my god…” Emily panted. She was practically weeping with joy. Touching Letitia like that was transcendent. “O-oh my god.”

It took an embarrassingly short amount of time for her to reach her peak. Emily had once been a lot of things - a hunter, a stud, a top - but now all that was gone, and all that mattered was Letitia was rewarding her with this. The symbolism was more important than the sensation. A being as great and as beautiful as Letitia Clarendon had decided Emily deserved to feel something good. Even the condescending sneer on the vampire’s face was perfect. It helped to remind Emily of what she was.

A pet. A dog. A thrall.

And if she was that, nothing else she did really mattered.

Entranced by the thought, Emily kept rutting and humping, her moans and grunts becoming ever more desperate and animalistic. She was trapped; she was too desperate to stop, but she couldn’t continue for much longer, but she couldn’t even conceive of finishing without Letitia’s permission.

Eventually, Letitia set her free. “You may,” she pronounced, with a slight nod of her head.

With a ragged moan, Emily came. Letitia took her foot away at the last moment, and so the former hunter only succeeded in making a mess of her own, filthy clothing. Emily expected shame to follow on the heels of her orgasm, but no. Letitia’s presence kept that at bay as well, and as Emily basked in the afterglow of her reward, the vampire bent down to stare intently into her soul.

“Yes,” Letitia mused, a smile on her face. “I think you’re almost ready. There it is. Coming along nicely.”

Emily knew instinctively what she was referring to. She could feel it growing within herself, black and sickly, and all for her new master.

Love.

***

Instinctively, Emily squeezed the stake in her hand. It felt good. Comforting. Familiar. Even after all that had transpired, a few things still hadn’t changed.

That was a nice lie she could tell herself.

In any case, many more things had. Emily wasn’t stuck in that room anymore. She wasn’t wearing her old, now-filthy clothes either. She’d replaced her old look with one that was new and slick: a black suit, nicely tailored, cut slightly feminine, complete with tie and perfect white shirt.

It was exactly the way Lady Letitia liked her.

“Come on,” Emily called, raising her voice so it could be heard over the club music. “This way.”

“Right,” the other hunter nodded, following closely behind. “Are you sure she’ll be there?”

“Yes,” Emily replied. “At this time of night, the bloodsucker’s always in her lair.”

Emily twitched and scratched a phantom itch at her neck.

“Got it,” the other hunter replied. The girl was painfully young, and too trusting. “If you know where she sleeps, I’m surprised you need me. I’d always heard you worked alone.”

“She’s strong,” Emily replied simply. “I wanted backup.”

“Right.” Emily glanced over her shoulder, and saw a faint, bashful smile appear on the other hunter’s face. “I’m flattered you picked a newbie like me.”

That tugged at Emily’s heartstrings for a moment, before she shoved the guilt way down. Beneath the hunger.

“Focus,” Emily warned, as she led the other girl through the crush of dancing bodies, toward a dark doorway at the back of the club. “It’s dangerous here.”

The other girl nodded. Both of them clutched at their stakes. Emily’s heart was pounding, but not from danger. Not from guilt, either.

From anticipation.

The two of them entered the doorway and proceeded down a dimly lit corridor, the sounds of the club steadily dying away. Then Emily came to a halt and indicated a door.

“She’s in here,” Emily hissed. “You first. I’ll watch your back.”

The other girl nodded. After a moment of hesitation, of gathering up her courage, she opened the door and walked inside. Emily followed her a few paces behind and slipped her stake back into the inside pocket of her jacket.

And nodded to Lady Letitia, lurking in the shadows.

In an instant, the vampire was on top of the blindsided hunter. The poor girl barely had time to scream before Lady Letitia’s fangs pierced her throat and sucked dry her veins. After a few seconds of useless spasming, the stake rolled out of her open hand and clattered to the ground. The girl’s pale, dry, cold body followed soon after.

Emily only twitched a little. She could even look at their faces now.

But she didn’t need to. Not for more than a moment, anyway. Soon, Lady Letitia turned to Emily and smiled, blood still dripping from her fanged maw. Emily didn’t care about that, though. She just cared that her master was smiling.

“Well done,” Lady Letitia told her, “my hunter.”

Yes, Emily was still a hunter. She even hunted vampires, sometimes - Lady Letitia had rivals, after all - but mortals had become her usual prey. She helped to drive them into Lady Letitia’s cruel embrace, keeping the area free of genuine vampire hunters in the process.

Still a hunter - by some measures, anyway. But more than anything, Emily was simply a thrall.

“My lady.”

In a single, smooth motion, long-practiced, Emily dropped to one knee and bowed her head before her master. It was only right to lower herself before a being as beautiful and superior as Lady Letitia. Emily served her in all things. It was the only thing that gave her life a sense of purpose. The only thing that delivered her, even temporarily, from the gnawing numbness that had consumed everything else about Emily.

And there was the hunger, of course. Only Lady Letitia could sate that. But Emily no longer received the gift of her unholy blood every night, or after every service. Lady Letitia had trained her well. The vampire’s approval was all the reward Emily needed.

Like a dog with Pavlov’s bell.

"Thank you,” Lady Letitia said softly, “for my meal. You’ve proven yourself to be every bit the servant I hoped you’d be.”

“Thank you,” Emily whispered. The force of her master’s praise was enough to make her weep. She had to keep her face turned down, or else Lady Letitia’s beauty would overwhelm her. “Thank you, my lady.”

With her head bowed, she could see the body of the other hunter, lying just a short distance away. More and more, its presence started to eat at Emily. It stirred memories of another life. A life in which she’d protected people from vampires, instead of luring them into the predator’s lair. Emily could remember a former version of herself, one who would have been outraged and disgusted at what the fallen hunter had become.

Did that mean something? Wasn’t all of this terribly, terribly wrong?

Emily felt herself starting to panic. Her breaths came up short, and her pulse quickened as she fought with herself to fill her lungs with air. What was she doing? Why was she doing any of this? The doubts were suddenly swimming around her, eating at her, but within, something dark and wet and equally vicious was fighting back. The corruption nested in Emily’s bosom, the part of her that longed for Letitia, refused to let her go. Those two conflicting forces made a battleground of her soul, all but paralyzing her with sudden indecision.

Her hand trembled. Her stake was right there. Within reach. Couldn’t she just-

A familiar touch to Emily’s cheek stirred her from those unwelcome thoughts. In her usual, ritual way, Lady Letitia stroked her thrall’s face and guided her eyes upward, until Emily was staring into the vampire’s impossibly beautiful visage. Her fangs, her tongue, her eyes - Emily was captivated by all of it.

A single moment of being caressed by the vampiric master she now adored was all it took to remind the fallen hunter: she was exactly where she was supposed to be. Everything else was simply a delusion Lady Letitia had been kind enough to free Emily from.

The vampire’s touch left her hard, too. It always did. Emily had always been weak to beautiful women, and her thralldom had given the lesbian a singular, erotic fixation on her master. Lady Letitia noticed immediately and licked her lips pointedly, spreading blood across her face.

“Rise,” she bade, “and come with me. I require your service in other ways.”

“Yes, my lady.”

Emily rose to her feet and, misgivings forgotten, stepped over the other hunter’s limp body as she followed her master to her coffin chamber.

---

I would like to express my gratitude for the generosity of all those who support me on Patreon, and to give a special thanks to the following patrons in particular for their exceptional support:

Artemis, Chloe, Grillfan65, The Secret Subject, Morriel, Dex, orangesya, Red, dmtph, MegatronTarantulas, Vanessa, Madeline, BTYOR, Sarah, Mattilda, Emily Queen of sloths, Neana, Shadows exile, Abigail, Hypnogirl_Stephanie_, Jade, mintyasleep, Michael, Be_Be, Tasteful Ardour, Chris, Dennis, Full Blown Marxism, Morder, S, Brendon, Drone 8315, Jim, Erin, HannahSolaria, hellenberg, Kay, Miss_Praxis, Violet, Noct, Charlotte, Faun, BrinnShea, B, Foridin, Jennifer, EepyTimeTea, Slifer274, Roxxie, Phoenix, Jim, Sebastian, Joseph, Yaoups, Thomas, Liz, naivetynkohan, Basic dev, SuperJellyFrogEx, Katie, Lily, spyrocyndersam13, zzzz, Mal, Bouncyrou, Anonymous, Nimapode, Melody, Kunoichiru, FemKUltra, Ash, Artemis, Geckonator, TheRealG, Anonymous, Bob, J, nathan, GladiusLumin, Ada, Marina, Space Prius, Alex, Michael, Thomas, Lavender, Dasterin, TF Emily, Jackson, Djura, Christopher, Pluto

#story

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casp1an-sea · 10 months ago

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100 Follower Event

Hi, MY name is Caspian Re (Re pronounced Rey) You can call me either of my first names or alternate! I also go by Cas for short. I also like weird, silly, or comfort character related nicknames and I sometimes go by Armie online

I primarily post about Twisted Wonderland, Star Wars, Marvel, and 2000s kids shows like Octonauts

Age: 19

Birthday: 10/13

Gender: it fluctuates between trans masc and trans Male, so I typically just shorten it to trans (pls only masc terms)

Pronouns: He/Him, Ey/Em/Eir/Eirs/Emself

Sexuality: ✨I’m Gay✨

Zodiac: Libra Star, Pieces Moon, Aquarius Rising

Personality type: ENFJ

If you send me an ask or msg pls feel free to mention your pronouns

WE SUPPORT PALESTINE HERE 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

Hotlines to call Incase of emergency

Master List:

I have a dating sim rp blog that is kinda popular :P

Pls check out my OCs, as well as my AUs, and my fics located in my writing post :)

—————————————————————————

commissions: Closed

requests: open!

EVENTS: KYLUX WRITING AND ART EVENT (Ongoing), May 4th Event, Twst OC Colab Event , 100 follower event

(I’ll do short writings, picrews, and possibly art if I’m in the mood. I’ll totally do my doodle style of you or a character.)

Fandoms, Writing, Moots and Tags, OCs, Comfort Characters, Just a list of Monsters I associate with myself, Moot Trail Mix Recipe, ART, Gender Envy >:(

Sims Masterpost

Side blogs: @hux-and-gay (mostly Kylux, 18+), @ramblingsofamadblob (OC and world building posts to complex for my main)

rp accounts: @robinbanks-accidentally (TWST), @spring-chicken (OC), @brooklynscamp (Newsies), @hollowsdill-manor (Vampire/Werewolf dating sim), @angry-space-ginger (Hux), @rouge-space-dad (Han), @thisiswerethefunbegins (Star Wars OCs)

@thenewhestia (my mc to rp with @kal0psiapanesthesia)

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Likes: Star Wars, Kylux, Marvel, Twisted Wonderland, the Life Series SMP, RPs, Random Generators (its an addiction), 2000s Kids shows, Doll customization, folklore, cats, singing, art, musicals, being in musicals, and weird sea creatures especially sharks :)

Dislikes: Sweets, Rey/Reylo (if you are a Star Wars fan and you like her respectfully pls do not talk to me about her you will get your feeling hurt), Religious Topics (pls do not talk to me about Christianity or Catholicism it makes me uncomfortable), gruesome animal facts they are triggering please keep them to yourself, TOXIC ACOLYTE HATERS, Mean people that disrespect me or my friends, Racists, Homophobes, Transphobes, Ablests, Sexists, etc.

Fun Facts:

I am Left Handed

I am Hungarian and I love talking about my culture or my grandfather’s story if you want to ask

I am single sadly

I’m a Hufflepuff my Petronas is a field mouse and my wand is Willow wood with a Phoenix core

My favorite color is green

My favorite food is Pineapple Teriyaki Burgers or Chinese food

I am going to be a film major in the fall

I have two cats named Lilo and Stitch (both girls), and I also have multiple fish. My snail passed away :(

I REALLY WANT CRESTED GECKOS!

I was in my schools broadcasting class

I’ve performed in Willy Wonka, Newsies, Little Mermaid, Bye Bye Birdie, Christmas Carol, and Shrek, and played the roles of James (James and the giant peach cameo), Arista (Ariel’s sister), Young Fiona, and the bird that sings in that one song in Shrek . I’ve also had solos in Try Everything, American Tears, Fields of Gold, an Mo Town Medley

I Did competitive gymnastics for 13 years starting when I was 3, before I retired I was in XL level gold.

I played Violin in elementary school and during Covid in freshman year I played chimes cause that was the choir alternative

I watch lots of weird 1990s to early 2000s sci-fi shows typically from Australia, there’s suprisingly a lot of them

I play Minecraft but I am bad at it lol

I play DND

Where else to find me?

YouTube: @antosaurusrex3752

AO3: ArmieVampire

Pinterest:

Star Wars Force Alignment Quiz:

TWST OC CHALLENGE

My Change.Org petitions:

#intro post

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monsieurenjlolras · 2 months ago

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I now have Kofi, and my commissions are open!

Hey folks? Want to support a disabled trans etc etc artist? Or do you just want a little fuzzy creature for you or a loved one? Great news! You can now order a custom-made crochet stuffed animal from me, either here through my asl box, or on ko-fi. I can make any animal you want and will have a conversation with you to make sure it's exactly what you want, and can ship anywhere in the U.S. and to most countries.

My prices are usually $40-60 but i really need funds right now so I am flexible if you truly cant afford that! Get yourself a little guy for the holidays!! I also have some crocheted plushies that I've already made for sale at a discounted rate and some art!

Please reblog if you can!

#art #crafts #signal boost #support artists #crochet #fiber arts #live from the musain #trans artist #disabled artist

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karekuat · 1 year ago

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Artist Support

Hey! Are you maybe interested in helping out a trans Indigenous artist for a little bit?

Due to complicated circumstances with my usual day job, I'll be out of work for the entirety of December, so as a result I'm going to try and make it through the month by being sustained by my art. I'm starting to prep for the lack of income now, so as a start I think it would be really cool if y'all wanna either tip or donate to help me or get a commission depending on what's more viable for you!

Typically I do comms through my Discord server to keep it all organized, but since I'm really just looking to get this out and known I'm open to DM orders.

I'm most comfortable with detailed monster or creature art, but I'm willing to do character chibis or portraits, and while I'm not fully at my best with anthro art yet, I'm also willing to do that.

Complex armor and gun designs okay!

My prices vary on complexity of the individual piece

( ↑ Click for Better Rez ↑ )

If you'd also just like to support me with no strings attached or wanna give some Holiday gifts, I do have a Kofi tip jar!

I also have a brush pack that I'm creating in the works, so if you're a procreate artist interested in a bone-style brush pack, I will be making more updates on that as I work.

RB's would also help me out a lot ^^;

Thank you!

#kar's art #my art #art #digital art #artist support #artist on kofi #finance support #art commissions #oc commission #commission art #kofi commission #ko fi support #commission work #horror art #creature art #monster art #fine lineart

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tyr-the-fenrir · 6 months ago

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Introduction

Hello! I'm Tyr, the runner of this blog! In person I don't go by that name, but it is the name of one of my fursonas, and this is my furry blog with some other things thrown in. Some things being something like my identity as an alterhuman, my queer identities/experiences, my hyperfixations, art of mine, and possibly me posting my commissioned art here.

Some things to know about me are...

Furry Fandom Things

I have two main 'sonas that are based off of my alterhuman identities. Comet, and Tyr. And I created a character today (the day I post this) named Ody, whose just a normal character based on a major hyperfixation of mine

While Comet isn't a fully correct interpretation of my identity, he was actually my first 'sona. He is representative of who I want to become. (The chibi piece was made as a vent piece). Comet is a sweetheart with a lot of love to give. He's very social and a little bit of a party animal, within reason.

Tyr, on the otherhand, is representative of me now. Tyr is a wolf, though art wise he is a Fenrir. He is a seclusive creature, unless it's with others he knows. He doesn't trust others easily and keeps to himself. When he does feel confident, he is a bit more sociable than normal.

Ody is still very new so I haven't figured out everything about him just yet. I plan on updating him as I work on his species, the Greepics.

Alterhuman Things

So I am alterhuman, I do not see myself as human in the sense of spiritually or mentally. That is how I experience the world and my identity in this community. I consider myself as Otherkin due to most of my identities falling under that umbrella.

My identities include:

Dragonkin (Otherkin)

Fenrir (Copingkin)

Julian Devorak (Fictionkin)

Anatolian Shepherd/Saint Bernard Mix (Copinglink)

Lucifer/Fallen Angel (Otherkith/Otherhearted)

Telemachus [Musical version primarily] (Otherlink/Copinglink/Otherheart/Otherkith)

All of these are different to me and how I experience the world around me. I do tend to have shifts, but that's only my experience.

Queer Things

Ok- so this may get lengthy as I find it very complicated to explain my identity as a queer person. I'll break it down by category.

Gender:

I am a transgender demiboy. Now, I have been feeling more fluid recently, but I still feel connected to these terms. I am AFAB/ftm trans. I identify as masculine, but not fully. I do want to transition to a more masculine presenting form.

Romantic attraction:

I am Omniromantic and Demiromantic. I have to have a connection to a person before I start feeling romantic feelings towards someone. Though, I do not mind dating anyone. Personality is most important to me, but I do see gender.

Sexual Attraction:

I identify as Demisexual and Androsexual. Much like Demiromantic, except for sexual attraction, I need a connection before I start thinking in that way. As for Androsexual, I am attracted to Masculine peoples.

Relationship Style:

I'm ambiamorous, that little in between area of being monogamous and polyamorous. I do not mind either way.

Art

I am more inclined to draw more cartoony than realistic. I enjoy more animalistic characters than humans as they're just easier for me. Though I have been slowly teaching myself more and more with humans. I do enjoy drawing fan art so I may be getting into that more and more. So I will be posting my art on here as time goes on.

Commissions

I do commissions on the side primarily, but I do not have a reliable source of income so I do have them open to people I'm close with. They're not open to others right now as I am still needing to make a terms of service for people to look at so they know my rule when they commission me.

Hyperfixations

EPIC: The Musical is one of my biggest hyperfixations right now, and I plan on finishing The Odyssey. I love the songs and have been listening to it the entire time I've been typing this.

I also know a decent amount about Dungeons and Dragons. I absolutely love the game and have been playing for about 3 years now.

I did have a major The Arcana: A Mystic Romance hyperfixation. It's died down, but I do enjoy the media and the original game. Not too happy with Dorian, but I am not gonna hate to be completely honest. As long as people understand boundaries.

Dragons, and I enjoy consuming any sort of media about them. Wings of Fire being a big part of my childhood.

I'll probably add more as I either gain or remember my hyperfixations. It's midnight as I'm typing this

DNI (Do Not Interact)

I would like if these people stayed off my page as I'm just wanting to exist peacefully. This isn't in any order, they're all bad in my opinion and I don't want to interact

Anti-furry

Anti-alterhumans

Homophobes

Transphobes

Terfs

Transmeds

People with harmful ideologies

Proshippers

Those into any harmful paraphilia

Rules:

1- I will not respond to, or interact with, anyone who is in my DNI. I have that for a reason.

2- This page will be SFW. I will not post anything with NSFW/NSFT content. I don't want those topics in my inbox.

3- Please try to keep things positive. I really don't want to have someone randomly venting to me and I don't know how to help.

I will add to the rules if need be, but for now, that should be it.

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cottageimp · 1 year ago

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Doing a little pinned introduction finally!!

Hey hi hello! I'm Rain or Sawyer (I answer to both!) and I'm a multi-media artist and a dabbler in many things. On this blog you'll find the mess that is my mind! Lots of creating, writing, rambling and drawing.

Some basic info: He/It // Trans dude! // AroAce Spec! I'll often refer to myself as a creature, a thing or related titles. I'm fine with being referred to as these things! I'm just a bit of moss stuck to the side of a house.

My Website/Links // My commissions are open!

I've dabbled in a lot of things already! Some examples being voice acting, music composition, 3d modeling, programming and animation!

I love creating stories and sometimes I'll make too many and lose interest in past ones but that's alright! With every abandoned project comes new knowledge and skills. I love character design and world building so you'll likely see that too! I could go on and on but I'll stop here before this gets too long. I hope you decide to stick around~!

#cottage ramblings

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wolfaartmation · 11 months ago

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About me! :D

Hello, welcome to my main blog! Where I do reblogs and share my art <3

I'm Wolfa but you can also call me Charly! I am 18+ and fr*nch buddhist with ADHD. I'm a trans man (he/him), panromantic and very gay.

I am an artist/animator mostly known for Warrior Cats stuff such as MAPs (Multi Animators Projects, not the other one...)

I have some side blogs that might interesst you!

@wolfa-battlecats-designs <- My Warrior Cats designs blog for... my warrior cats designs klskjsnks by Erin Hunter

@warriors-hearts <- Blog for my Warrior Cats x Kingdom Hearts AU!

My ask box is always open if you have questions about my art, ocs, personal opinions etc.. (I will get cancelled on twitter dot com)

I do commissions! If you want to know if they're open/want to know the TOS/prices/etc... please go to this link :)

Here's my socials if you guys want to follow me on there too!

Art fight! (Team: Startdust) I'll always try to do more points than you in my revenges >:)

Toyhouse! If you want to get to know more about my ocs

Instagram! If you want to follow me there too (Theres more art here as it's older than my Tumblr)

Youtube! If you want to take a look at my animations/MAPs/etc..

I am not consistent in therm of posting art, because senior high school is torture who tf got a nice high paying job for working from 8am to 6pm frfr, plus I have to pass my French diploma this trimester (don't ask why it's a France thing).

Speaking of inconsistencies I'm a self taught artist since... oh god 2013?? Even longer like I draw since childhood soo... So yeah I don't have a consistent art style as I like to experiment a lot on it!

I mostly like to draw my OCs or fanart, but really mostly my OCs bc I love them sm grrr

If y'all are curious about my fandoms and interests (pls ask me about them) here's a list under the cut!

Music Artists and Bands:

Powerwolf (My #1 favorite band!!11!!1)

Evanescence

Eluveitie

Hollywood Undead

Faun

D'artagnan

Avril Lavigne

Linkin Park

Limp Bizkit

Korn

System of a Down

Alestorm (we love some good pirate metal)

MARINA and the Diamonds (the contrast lmaooo)

2000-10s songs bc I love nostalgia

Fandoms:

Kingdom Hearts (HELL YEAHHHH!!!11!!111!1)

Warrior Cats (The community is so dramatic for no reasons tho-)

Saint Seiya/Knights of the Zodiac (The fandom is dead bc only ppl over 40yo know about this)

Final Fantasy 7

Five Nights at Freddy's

Bendy and the Ink Machine

Sonic the Hedgehog

My Little Pony (Old Brony right there lol)

Black Butler (The community when you have headcanons and opinions they will shoot you dead)

Twisted Wonderland (I'm not in the fandom I just like the thing)

Cuphead (Same as for Twisted Wonderland)

.... Am I allowed to talk about Camp Buddy and Jock Studio? xd

World of Warcraft

Camp Camp

Beastars

Misc.

Animals! Mostly Hyenas!! I love Hyenas!!!11!!

Fantasy/Medieval/Celtic stuff (DND, LOTR, The Hobbit, etc...)

Pirate stuff

Nu-metal/Powermetal/Celticmetal

Electro swing

Other cultures's history (such as religions, traditions, etc...)

Horror stuff (Horror movies, analog horror, gore, etc...)

Crystals/Gemstones (idk i just think its pretty)

Mystical creatures

Scene/emo/punk/y2k/goth/metal/2000s/retro/cyber core stuff :>

I am not a furry btw

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dreamyfreakout · 3 years ago

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I have been on the fence about showing WIP stuff, but I know making games is what I wanna do this year!! So... I'm retooling patreon tiers and my goals, and I'll have more in-depth info soon! If you're able to join the patreon or if you're able to up your monthly donation, any bit helps me focus on creative work (commissions will also be opening soon!).. but either way, I’ll be sharing a lot more gamedev stuff like concept art, music, gameplay, etc. over the next few weeks!! So yeah, plzzz take a look at the new art I've been making for the game! I'll be sharing a lot more the next few days, & I'm going to really focus on sharing frequent dev diary updates and content over socials, and I think whatever it ends up being, this little game (currently titled Kiss the Giant..) is going to be very special! I'll be working on new content for the new tiers, and any NSFW doodles/comics will still be shared under that tag... I hope y'all are excited to see more games and WIP stuff, cus I'm excited to get to work! For those interested: the game will be a simple/chill platformer/adventure game where you explore a weird fantasy land and climb giant creatures to kiss them... the current tagline should explain everything: to save the one they love.. a hero must dare to kiss the old gods. Thanks for your support as I continue to make weird, queer, trans, neurodivergent, nerdy stuff... It always means a lot! Links to patreon & other ways to support my art HERE!! Thanks!! -Jamie <3

#personal #update #patreon #gamedev

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nonspeakingkiku · 2 years ago

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I posted 960 times in 2022

That's 960 more posts than 2021!

194 posts created (20%)

766 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@quaking-cabinet

@five-thousand-loaves-of-bread

@aegleseeker

@the-stim-clown

@nonspeakingkiku

I tagged 81 of my posts in 2022

#actually autistic - 49 posts

#autism - 46 posts

#autistic - 44 posts

#kiku squeaks - 42 posts

#special interest - 35 posts

#nonspeaking - 24 posts

#nonverbal - 24 posts

#apraxia - 22 posts

#aac user - 22 posts

#dyspraxia - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#and yes i was actually in one. a whole criminal (like the bad kind. like the assaulter kind) was on campus so we locked down for it

My Top Posts in 2022:

New intro since need update things.

Name: Kiku or Percy. Refer to self in third person here mostly because is easier on brain and it help Kiku unmask. Kiku is getting more comfortable talk like this when need to.

Kiku is an adult aac user. Unreliably speaking, can't talk most of time so usually refer to self as nonverbal or nonspeaking. Have some speech at times but not often. And often when have speech it not understandable. Kiku is an AAC user. Kiku uses TD Snap, Proloquo2go, LAMP words for life, and Proloquo. Kiku hopes to get a dedicated device with LAMP on it at some point but don't know when/if that gonna happen.

Kiku is multiply disabled, autistic, adhd, dyspraxic/apraxic, dyslexic, other learning disabilities, hEDS, pots, possible mcas, fibromyalgia, and tourettes, probably mentally ill in some way, mobility aid user (want a wheelchair, forearm crutches, and a rollator. Was using a cane for a while but it make wrists hurt).

Kiku is nonhuman, and identifies with lot of different creatures.

Kiku has many special interests, ones currently most active are AAC, Minecraft, Slumberkins, Werewolves, Big Mouth (netflix show), my little pony, and bunnies.

Kiku is trans, genderqueer, genderfluid, autigender, and altersex. He/She/They/Fae and bunself and pupself neopronouns pronouns please. Neopronouns preferred. Kiku is not a woman.

Kiku is polyamorus and has two partners. Kiku is also objectum/posic. But usually not post about on main. Kiku has a side blog for that.

Kiku is an age regressor due to trauma and uses it as a coping mechanism. Agere is not Kink (although Kiku thinks there is nothing wrong with Kink as long as is between consenting adults).

Kiku is an adult and may post adult related content, especially related to aac, but this not super likely. But disabled and aac using adults can do adult things and access to words to talk about our bodies and possible things that could happen to our bodies is very very important. All aac user should have access to anatomical words for our body parts no matter what age they are.

AAC is very important to Kiku. Kiku is going to post about Kiku's new aac set up soon. If have read this far please send me your favorite emoji.

The email for Kiku's paypal is [email protected]

This is a link to Kiku's disability aids amazon wishlist

119 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

Anyone else autistic not good be aware of danger? Kiku accidentally touch hot thing or almost walk out in road unless partner stop Kiku. An this only couple examples.

124 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

Important post

Please share!

Kiku is a multiply disabled autistic person living in the south. Kiku is also an artist, digitally and traditionally. Kiku just got to try an ipad with procreate on it, with an apple pencil and a paper feel screen protector. And it was amazing 😭 Kiku was able to do art better than Kiku does on paper.

Kiku and Kiku's family are poor, and Kiku can't work. But Kiku can do art commissions. Kiku would love to be able to do commissions to help us actually have enough food and essentials, but the biggest barrier for Kiku with this is having the right tools.

So Kiku is going to attempt to crowdfund to get an ipad to use just for art, paper feel screen protectors, the app Procreate, an apple pencil, and a protective case for the ipad.

Kiku knows this isn't AAC related or mobility related but but it would change Kiku's and Kiku's families life so much for Kiku to be able to do good quality commission like Kiku can do on paper.

Kiku will have to do some math to get an idea of how much money Kiku needs to do this but Kiku will update this post once figure it out.

Goal is $ 600 to make sure taxes and fees are covered.

Kiku's paypal email is in pinned post at the bottom.

Kiku also has an amazon wishlist with the items on it for if someone wants to help but can't use paypal. The two most expensive items are the apple pencil and the ipad.

$0 / $600

130 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

Kiku did not think this would be necessary but guess it is. If you follow an aac user and they post images of their aac system (an aac system is all the things that person use as aac) or any aac, ask and get permission before using any images. Our aac is almost always going to be custom to us and we will be able to recognize pictures of our systems because we customised them. My aac is my voice, it is part of me, specific to me. Every aac users aac will be different and the idea of someone using pictures of our aac without asking is deeply uncomfortable to me. I can't even put into words how uncomfortable it makes me. Uncomfortable enough i'm speaking in first person on a platform I generally reserve for unmasking my writing and speak almost entirely in the third person on. Ask for permission before using images of our aac and respect a no if one is given. Images of unedited apps can be found pretty easily as can low tech versions of aac pages (versions meant to be printed to use as a form of aac that doesn't require battery).

203 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hi! Kiku has an important post, please share and help if can.

Kiku is trying to crowdfund the AAC app LAMP because it goes on sale soon for AAC awareness month. It is $150 plus taxes and fees so probably closer to $180.

Kiku would also like to raise funds for food because Kiku's family is low on food. Kiku's husband recently got a new job but we not know what his start date is.

For those that not follow Kiku, Kiku is a mostly nonspeaking high support needs autistic disabled aac user. Kiku currently uses Proloquo2go but would also like to have LAMP for the motor planning aspect which works very well for Kiku.

If you can't help please share.

If you want to donate, Kiku's partner has paypal, paypal email is [email protected]. Kiku is willing to make art for those who help if they want ☺️.

Edited because partner suggested putting paypal email in post.

Thank to everyone who is reblogging. ☺️

Kiku wants to add that LAMP go on sale the 10th (in 3 days) and sale ends the 16th, so if Kiku wants to get LAMP on sale need to get money by 16th.

Kiku currently has $30/$180 goal (to make sure can cover tax and everything)

Update: Kiku tried update earlier but looks like didn't go through but. Kiku's family was lower on food than though so used money have got so far for food and we got luck and managed get a lot with what we had.

So for LAMP Kiku is back to $0/$180 but not have worry about food such good thing ☺️

Update: Had someone donate ☺️

$15/$180

Sale starts today ☺️Kiku very excited

291 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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translightyagami · 4 years ago

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James “translightyagami/avoidfilledwithcelluloid” Death Note Fic Masterlist

Hello to all you guys out there. Here is my full masterlist of allllll the Death Note fanfic I’ve written: There are over 120 fics contained within this entire list. I’m going to split it up by chapter fics, one-shot fics, short fic compilations, and gift fics I’ve done for fandom exchanges. The descriptions will tell you what the pairings are (mostly Lawlight, but there’s other stuff too). There are several posts of mine that are loosely defined fic, but I won’t be adding those in this post as they are just … hard to organize lol.

Fics are marked with E if they have explicit content and T if there are textual references to transgender characters. Chapter fics are marked as either complete or currently incomplete. Okay! Here we go!

[UPDATED 11/20/2021]

CHAPTER FICS

sit and stay awhile https://archiveofourown.org/works/31032719 complete Light has a fantasy of sitting in L’s lap, and he’s got a plan to make that a reality.

the art of ink and flowers https://archiveofourown.org/works/35106943 currently incomplete, E, T Light needs an apprentice and thinks he's found the perfect one in young firecracker Mello. Now to deal with Mello's uncle, the strange, mysterious, and - oops! - super hot florist Ryuzaki, who doesn't want his nephew near a tattoo parlor. What could possibly go wrong?

i could write it (better than you ever felt it) https://archiveofourown.org/works/13913043 currently incomplete Light works in the To-Oh university library, where he meets his favorite romantic mystery author, Eraldo Coil, who later reveals himself to be the great detective L. Through the course of their working together to solve a crime, Light finds he might have feelings for L and those feelings might be shared by the detective novelist.

your heart is an empty cup https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027707 currently incomplete Light is the assistant manager of a Starbucks in NYC, and L is one of his most annoying customers. When L accuses Light (correctly) of being Kira, as well as mysteriously asking for his help on a different case, the barista has to decide if he’s ready to get in bed with the enemy – maybe even literally.

the forest holds strange creatures https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442660 complete, E, T Light, a paranormal research grad student, comes to a small town trying to find a mysterious cryptid. He finds L, a 10-foot-tall tree creature, who helps Light discover the greatest cryptid of all: love. The only reason this one is in the chapter fic section is because it includes a Halloween special chapter with the intro of Beyond Birthday into the cryptid AU.

At Your Service https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229524 complete, E, T The Yagami family owns the sprawling, exclusive Hotel Kitsune where all sorts of international espionage agents make their temporary home. That includes the great detective L, whose romantic tension with Light comes to a boiling point when he comes to stay after a long absence.

best practices https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113519 complete, E, T Light has been working his way to the top of the corporate ladder thanks to his own hard work, and his more-than-close relationship with L, the company CEO and founder’s son. Their relationship comes to a head when L challenges Light to open himself up, making him vulnerable to showing the true depth of what he feels for L and his own desire to explore sexual power dynamics.

ONE-SHOT FICS

tell me the truth https://archiveofourown.org/works/12592320 E, T Light and Matsuda hit up a bar after work, and then Light hits up Matsuda for sex, praise, and a distraction from the deep emptiness inside him.

constricting https://archiveofourown.org/works/13721580 E, T Light breaks L’s favorite tea cup in their kitchen, and L eats him out because he loves his husband so much.

tell me I’m good https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986861 E In the middle of the night, L receives a drunk call from Light, hiding in the bathroom at a party. The call, turning from desperate to horny, reveals more about Light than L wanted to know.

if at first you don’t succeed https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119816 E, T Light gave his first blow job and accidentally bit L on the dick. He tries to make up for his mistake by trying again.

let me work on you https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884799 E, T As the result of losing bet to him, Light has to be L’s computer desk – naked and laying over his boyfriend’s lap. Of course, when L gives him another sexy challenge, Light can’t help but rise to the occasion.

alterations https://archiveofourown.org/works/17945957 E, T Light comes to visit his boyfriend Mikami at his fancy law office and suggests they have sex there. When Mikami reacts unfavorably, Light has to do damage control, and it smarts a lot more than he expected.

lizard https://archiveofourown.org/works/18552499 E, T Light meets a beefcake guy at a bar on the anniversary of L’s death, and lets him take him home (Lizard is my death note OC, and the fic was a wonderful commission from @queerical)

Buried Alive https://archiveofourown.org/works/19705540 L and Light live together in L’s underground bunker after the apocalypse scorches the Earth. They watch some VHS tapes and do some gardening.

Our Little Secret https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822881 E After getting his memories, his freedom, back, Light wants to give L a gift: Kira tied up at his mercy. But L isn’t so sure if that gift is the one he really wants.

The Light of the Moon https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052722 E, T L is a vampire and accidentally bites Light, who is haunted by dreams that make him question why he wants L to bite him again (and maybe … something more …)

little animals https://archiveofourown.org/works/26829778 E Light and his werewolf boyfriend L fuck in their backyard garden.

Change OR the one where L and Light get married https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748159 E, T A gift/commish fic for @ohgodplsdontlook. Six years after the Kira case closes, L and Light go have a wedding in the mansion where L spent his childhood summers. They bring the Yagami family, their baggage, and vows to share each other’s secrets.

a divine power https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018197 E L has a particular power that has helped him get confessions from even the most hardened, tight-lipped criminals, and he offers to use this power on Light to get an honest answer to the question "Are You Kira?" Not really believing L's power is real (and also smelling an easy way to lie his way out of being caught) Light agrees to submit to this bizarre investigative power - not realizing that L is about to make him a *very* honest man. (TL;DR, L has a Magic Cock That Makes Anyone He Fucks Fall in Love With Him AU.)

Possession https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232294 E After being killed by his family for being Kira, Light makes a deal with the demon L to get back to the mortal realm - a very, very sexy deal.

24-Hour Gym https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415480 After the yellow warehouse goes (mortally) in their favor, Light and Mikami frequent the same 24-hour gym. Eventually, after seeing all his work out skills, Light asks Mikami if he can bench press *Kira*.

Fantasy of a Fantasy https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729685 E, T While monitoring the Yagami family home for suspicious activity, L catches Light getting off to a dirty magazine and projects what he thinks his main suspect's fantasies might be.

the chains that bind us https://archiveofourown.org/works/32051299 E, T Obligatory post-Yotsuba arc fic where Light is released from the handcuffs, and wants desperately to be back in bondage with L. Features a very creative use of the handcuff chain.

Kept https://archiveofourown.org/works/33334282 E, T Omegaverse AU where Light cooks up a horny evil scheme so that L won’t throw him in jail, and also lets him get that alpha lovin’ he so desires.

so glad you’re home https://archiveofourown.org/works/33977605 E, T L returns from a solo case and he and Light have a purr-fect homecoming together - including some spanking, cat ears, and a shower of sappy affection.

SHORT FIC COMPLIATIONS

hand in unlovable hand https://archiveofourown.org/works/15025058 E Okay so I’ve been answering Tumblr askbox prompts for over 2 years now, and this? This is ALL of the Lawlight fics. There are over 70 Lawlight fics in this compilation, with all the nsfw fics marked as such. Here are somethings you’ll find in this horde: an AU where L is fat; dirty talk; ghost sex; phone calls about buying a house; early morning tea; kissing; spanking; bondage; L’s hair being brushed; and much, much more. If you have wished for a particular type of Lawlight fic, it is probably in this bunch.

Containing Multitudes https://archiveofourown.org/works/17570645 E Like i said, I’ve been answering all types of Tumblr prompts. These are all the multi-pairing fics that are not Lawlight. In over 20 fics, you’ll find Mikalight, Light/Misa, Misa/Takada, Misa/Rem, Light/Namikawa, Beyond/Light, Light/Matsuda, and even a few ones with Light and my DN OC Lizard. All nsfw fics are marked as such.

hereditary https://archiveofourown.org/works/17159354 All the Tumblr prompt fics I wrote specifically about the Yagami Family. About 4 fics long, includes a really nice couple of Sayu and Light sibling sadness fics.

bottom shelf erotica https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899706 E These are the 5 fics that I wrote to fill Death Note kinkmeme prompts. They are few frills, dirty, sloppy, all bottom Light smut fics. Also, since I didn’t want to give myself away on kinkmeme they’re all cis stuff. (because really who else would have been throwing trans smut up there?)

something between us (anyway) https://archiveofourown.org/works/30304620 T, E a slowly updating collection of 10 tumblr fic requests I received for the pairings of lawlight and (my DN OC) lizard/light, covering prompts including omegaverse, coffee shop AU, sexy lingerie, and much, much more.

kinktober 2021 https://archiveofourown.org/works/34235686 E, T updated each saturday of Oct. 2021, these five fics all revolve around lawlight and specific kinky prompts.

GIFT EXCHANGE FICS

your father’s son https://archiveofourown.org/works/15115568 T A Secret Shinigami 2018 gift for AbbodonAbandon. Light and Soichiro have a talk about why Light quit the tennis team. Lots of trans shit in here.

in your shoes https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405516 E A Sexy Enquirer 2019 gift for @pashmina-dhaage. L is a professor who is having a quiet relationship with one of his grad students, Light. When he sees Light through his office window stepping in mud, L rushes to give him the shoes off his feet.

wash it out https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405648 A Sexy Enquirer 2019 gift for @complicatedmerary. Mikami and Light, a pianist and violinist respectively with the same opera company, are carrying on a passionate affair while Light remains married to the opera’s soprano, Misa.

Thank you for Reading, Commenting, and Being Nice to Me About My Silly Fic!

#me me me #subtextual #death note #lawlight #my fic #death note fanfiction #woof! okay!#i know i'm posting at the worst time #but i'm gonna pin this so everyone can see

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spacegaywritings · 5 years ago

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A manly man - Oneshot

edited 26th MAY: pronouns, spelling, shortening sentences, replacing words

Summary: ftm Roman is on his period and it hurts and sucks. Vulnerable and disgusted, he cuddles up to his soulmate who always understands him. Remus is always there to assure xyr better half and make sure he knows he is loved - and a strong and manly man. Remus uses xe/they!

Tags: menstruation stuff, trans character /trans Roman, remrom, romantic /platonic incest (if you wanna see it like this), gender roles (mention)

ao3 link

My KoFi - Support me ♥ or Commission me

story under this cut!:

Roman dragged himself over to his bed, sinking into the soft mattress and sliding under the cool sheets.

They would be warm soon, he told himself. It would just be a couple of moments until then, he assured his body.

The adolescent was shivering and overall felt like a truck had run over his entrails but left him to look just as dashing as usual - if not a tad paler than his average appearance.

He was sick to his stomach, his nausea sitting so deep in him and piling up as much as to actually reside in his throat as well. His whole body was sore, heavy and simply dirty inside and outside.

He was frail.

Breakable.

He felt more vulnerable than he had ever been in his life and it was humiliating to ... to be.. to .. to b-bleed!

It was an audacity to have him suffer like this! He was a prince, a man made to romance and charm people, to change the world and end misery for any and all people.

Instead he was stuck in his bed, by now curled up in his own puddle of horror and bad feelings. He was swimming in dysphoria and shivers of disgust.

A soft knock could be heard at his door.

Roman snuggled deeper into his bed, trying to just sink into the mattress enough to actually disappear into the safety of softness.

No humans, no creatures at all, just cotton and filling and feathers or whatever there was in mattresses.. Hemp and all. Things, just sleepy things.

His throat produced a sound.

Roman was not sure what kind of sound it was. It sounded raw, real. It was like a theatrical performance of the worst crisis the hero had to go through in a tragedy such as MacBeth.

The sound was probably enough to invite the person on the other side of the wood to come in and right after it, the door was slowly pushed open to reveal the vulnerable blanket burrito to Remus.

“Princey, you okay?”

Remus pushed inside, their back leaning against the door until it closed. Their arms sported another set of blankets and a hot water bottle. There was a backpack perched up on xyr shoulders.

The suffering wanna-be royal curled further into his all-time low and let out another sound of agony.

“Aw, my knight, I am here now. I got more blankets~”, xe offered with a little pose to show off the inviting sight of desired warmth.

There was a hot water bottle in their blanketed hand and a mischievous grin playing on xyr lips.

The blanket burrito shifted a bit, just enough to move from the middle of the bed to the side which Remus took as signal that there was enough space for another person.

“Hey hey, hey hey hey hey hey hey!”, they started as they moved over to the side of the bed that was now free for him to join their lovely Roman on.

Another non-verbal sound of mild annoyance came from the tall figure under the sheets and Remus simply took the invitation to go on with xyr announcement.

Xe leaned in.

They whispered.

“You know what?”, xe continued, carefully arching xyr back to get even closer to Roman. Xyr voice dipped into a sound that edged on conspiracy, on riot and schemes, “I got snacks for you. They are almost as sweet as you.”

They flashed him a smile and slid under the covers, rudely inviting the cool outside into Roman’s happy safety for a moment but the hot water bottle was immediately in place to aid him and make up for the incredulous intrusion they had dared to start off with.

Roman hugged the hot bottle against his stomach, slowly shifting it lower to his cramping and screaming abdomen.

At once, a little sigh of relief stole itself onto his features. His body visibly relaxed, muscles loosening, his whole posture being less tightly wrapped up in the mess of sheets he had created by now.

Part two was now in place.

Remus was giggling as xe made xyrself at home with another big blanket immediately joining the two and covering them up.

The fluffy fabric spread over the two.

The smaller one carefully lowered themself to press a little smooch to the top of Roman’s head.

“Hey there, my prince”

Xe smiled.

Despite his sour mood, Roman could not help but feel his heart flutter and lips immediately twitching into the slightest hint of a smile.

Remus noted the change with a soft smile as they gently tugged Roman’s head into their lap and started stroking through his soft curls.

Xe loved how velvet the ginger mess of Roman’s hair was. It was like a child imagined clouds to feel like. Fluffy, adorable, simply a dream to cuddle.

“Mhmmmm...Rem...”, he hummed groggily.

They whistled back in reply and quickly moved just enough to reach their backpack and get their hands into it. Xyr hands slung around a small bottle of lemon juice which was quickly handed over to Roman.

“Got you the good shit, right here. This will kill your fucking sicky-ew, so we can have some snacks for you. I got films to watch on my shitty stupid tablet and nobody can take that from us.”

Remus carefully uncapped the bottle and held the bottle for their soulmate to drink from it. Roman did, like the good boy he was and Remus gently brushed through his curly, short hair.

They started watching a little show after that, just cuddling up and hugging while Remus pressed a few kisses here and there to Roman’s pained face.

Eventually, the sick man drifted off in the arms of Remus and to the sounds of some off cartoon show playing in the background. Xe held the prince-to-be close and allowed xyrself to actually doze off along.

***

It was a few minutes later when Roman stirred the slightest bit, immediately alarming his datemate to wakeup and pull him closer to their chest.

Remus grumbled and immediately wrapped xyr arms around the living stuffie that was the manly Roman. This time, he was fighting back a bit.

Softly, innocently, he shoved Remus away, gently nudging them aside with soft violence.

“Not nooow”, he whined as he fought to get out of the sleepy gremlin’s grip. It was more of a challenge than one would expect. Honestly, Remus was kind of strong with their stupid arms of an athlete.

What did xe do again? Roman was not in the right mind to remember but he was sure it was some kind of really gay dancing shit which was why Remus was able to lift him up with little effort.

Surprisingly, Roman was still a bit stronger in his arms and legs but not so in his back and overall ability to keep up body tension. He was not made for this kind of stuff. Right now he was just sweaty and icky and ugly.. so so ugly and disgusting that he needed to get up and change.

His miserable state was less after his meds had kicked in and he had gotten some juice to ease his once so upset stomach.

A small smile appeared on his lips and he gave in for a minute.

“Rem, I need to .. I need to go”, he defended himself as the smaller CHONK of human wrapped their limbs around him in pure spite and loving spirit.

Xe grumbled but xyr arms seemed to loosen around the regal idiot just enough to give him the heartbreaking permission to leave, despite the pain it caused Remus to be abandoned so harshly, so rudely, so absolutely col-

Aaaand Roman was gone.

Remus whined after him but tried not to complain too much and instead swallowed the needy sounds.

Why were they the clingy one and not Roman? Being clingy was work , it was exhaustive and it required someone to always be with them to fulfil their need to be somewhat physically touched every now and then.

It was too bad Roman did not have so much for touch as Remus did but they made it work.

Somewhat luckily, shark week was the time during which Remus got more cuddles and Roman allowed himself to be more “vulnerable” and show his general soft side as a man.

Maybe it was a downside of people generally hugging him less ever since he came out.. people being more physically distant and giving him the feeling it was “unmanly” and “weak” to hold hands, to cuddle and snuggle and have stuffies or emotional attachments and such.

Ridiculous, if you asked Remus. But their gender-non-conforming lifestyle was already speaking up against Roman’s insecure heart enough to invalidate their argument, subjectively.

Even xyr pronouns were so strange, so new and out there.

Roman would always argue he was outstanding and proud but at the same time, he would not dare to do anything that could obstruct how he was perceived by other people.

Being anything but cis was a whole struggle but being a transman was probably another level of difficult.

Remus did not have any “gender roles” to fulfil in order for people to be more inclined to use their pronouns correctly. Usually, they just did not and Remus would proudly suggest “it/its” pronouns. Other wanted to devalue xem with these but xe loved this set of pronouns and would never back down from people who thought they could hurt xyr gender identity and change xem in any way. You know, make them right, straighten them out so they would be “normal” again.

Roman, on the other hand, had people tell him he was not allowed to use restrooms unless his genitalia was “right”.

Shark week made the whole struggle more present.

When people always invalidate your whole existence and sometimes even intentionally used your weak spots and insecurities against you, it would eventually wear you down enough to be affected. No matter what Roman did, it would be written up to him doing it because he was a transman.

“Oh, is this because you are a “man” now?”

“Of course you would want to do this so you can try to look manly like the others”

All those words have been enough for Remus to start fights left and right and they would always do it again for their golden boy. Not that Roman knew. Roman hated being protected.

Roman was the knight in this story. He was the ace of hearts, the soldier of the forgotten and protector of the oppressed. Remus should be the one to need protection.. but maybe that would be too much to ask for.

None of them really needed it.

Remus was just sick of hearing people hollering their transphobic bullshit around, especially at xyr prince.

“Rem?”

Roman was standing in the door, leaning against its frame with tired eyes and a pale face. As much as Remus tried to enjoy a needy handful of boyfriend but the bitter taste of conditions always came with it.

“Finally, my prince has come”

Xe breathed out in relief and opened xyr arms.

Roman immediately abandoned the door frame and threw himself onto the bed with a little skip over the bed frame. He landed all over Remus, knocking over the cup that used to hold lemon juice and also involuntarily pushing the tablet further away.

He was giggling a bit, just a slight shadow of a smile tickling his features as he threw his arms around his datemate’s neck and quickly pulled them further down with him.

“You are silly, Rem”, Roman commented.

Xe shook xyr head.

“You are my prince. You always have been and always will be this prince of my dreams”, they insisted stubbornly as they brushed their index and middle finger over his throat.

“I did not know how much I needed you until you came for me and swept me right out of my dumpster.”

He blushed and nudged Remus away with his elbow but he still slid back into xyr lap. His mouth was producing sounds like the ones meant to silence a child but he was just seeking the comfort of a hiding spot to cover up the bright red blush on his cheeks.

He carefully buried his face in Remus’s little fat roll of a tummy.

“You were an abomination of a human being when we met”, he remarked with a muffled voice.

Roman was right.

Everyone saw Remus in the light of society's strict rules. They identified xem as a man rather than the gender-defying riot xe was.

They dumpster-dove, yes, to recover packaged and completely fine groceries thrown away by big companies because they weren't allowed to sell it or give it away. They indeed broke rules and tagged walls but Remus had shown Roman the art of graffiti and the roots of it. Xe had proved xyrself to be more than a societal disgrace but instead be a considerate person to never litter and live a highly principled life instead. Not one restricted by society.

Honestly, Roman was probably more likely to accidentally endanger others due to his impulsive and defiant behaviour while Remus was genuinely trying their best to always think of others. People just took it to be offensive when Remus was late to school because they helped a worm cross the street or started a spontaneous sit-in because of speeders on school property.

Everyone thought xe was a slacker, someone looking for attention with xyr pronouns and identity. Even their names was seen as "too extra".

"I'm sorry", xe mumbled and carefully tilted his head just enough to glance up at xyr datemate.

"I - I didn't mean that in a bad way. That was mean to say"

He cleared his throat to justify his inconsiderate comment. He was a lover, not a fighter! It was his duty to protect Remus and not play into the mean nicknames used by bullies against xyrs whole being.

One of his favourite things about the embodiment of chaos was this: Instead of getting mad ,they just shook their head with a giggle.

"You tickle me, Roro", xe started with a snicker, "your words are endearing to me ~"

Roman furrowed his brows. A smile fought onto his lips.

Remus wasn't as insecure about themself as he was. Nothing seemed to ever hurt xem.

"You're the best, Rem. You really are"

Roman cuddled back to the little fat roll of Remus when an idea hit him.

Slowly, his fingers crept up to their sides and, once in reach, immediately ran up and down their skin.

"Wh-", Remus began with a surprised gasp.

It was too late.

Squips and squeaks escaped the trash goblin as Roman's fingers played xyr giggles like a fiddle. The pal was writhing and twitching, vividly moving and trying to escape the tickling fingers.

But the Prince wasn't just a great royal and soulmate, he was also an amazing hunter. He knew when to change his angle, switch positions and shift to another spot on Remus' vulnerable body.

They were a treasure book of sensitive skin. Almost any and all gentle touches sent xem into a giggling fit.

The smaller pal was curling into themself, laughter ever-persistent and body still vibrating in excitement and occasional snickers that echoed from xyr throat even after Roman retracted his fingers.

Remus was but a little ball of giggles by now, their existence reduced to nothing but amusement and little tears from being so ecstatic.

On top of that, xyr prince was smiling at xem with this softness on his features.. Not even kid's cartoons could be that soft and gentle. It was a Roman-only phenomenon.

Remus breathed, the burning lungs in their ribcage thirsting after the sweet relief of oxygen at last. Slowly, coordinated breaths in and out were managed and only occasional giggles stole their breath while Roman patted their face softly.

"You okay there?"

The pal simply leaned into the touch with an approving hum. Xyr eyes closed and xe patted the space next to xem.

"I'm glad you're better, Roro"

He cuddled back up to his soulmate and took the trashy being into his superior, gay arms. A squeak could be heard, like a mouse finally finding the cheese it's been destined to achieve in its life.

Remus sniffed happily and hugged back, melting into the embrace their Roman offered. The caramel soft embrace only two parts of a whole would ever be able to understand.

"Rem?", Roman whispered, softer than the late night spring breeze rustling the blooming trees right now, "Are you okay?"

Remus stubbornly pushed their head against Roman's collarbone and simply tugged - or rather: repeatedly attempted to tug - the blanket over the two instead of bothering to answer this daring question.

Xyr grappling hands eventually calmed down when Roman shifted to pull the blanket completely over them and even covered their curious faces with the soft fabric Remus had brought over. It even smelled of xem, Roman remarked with a small tad of surprise in his thoughts. He only now realised, when the blanket covered their faces.

It was the moment of realising you had more money in your bank account than anticipated which meant you weren't as broke as expected, unusually so.

... It was a nice surprise and filled Roman with the comfort of nostalgia and affection.

"It's okay, Rem", Roman reminded them " I'll always have you - as you'll always have me, you little cryptid."

They hummed.

"My man", xe mumbled into his chest, voice low and unusually shy.

"My one and only prince. My manly prince."

Roman's cheeks turned a regal shade of red as he snuggled his beloved idiot closer.

Why would they say that now, he wondered but refused to ask. Never would the man turn down unexpected bouts of validation.

His chest harboured fireworks inside. Little tingly sparks of warmth tickling him, fondling him ever so gently from the inside.

A dream kissed his creation and glitter blessed his actions.

Literal kisses.

Actual kisses.

Little smooches dripped and dropped onto his face. His whole facial features were soon ravished by the precipitation of Remus' intense wave of affection.

Smooches arrived at his jawline, little pecks graced his eyes that immediately shut with a hesitant giggle.

More and more little softness was spilled all over his head. The little curls were kissed deeply with a dutiful smile in the dedicated face of Remus, the appreciation of all art that was xyr beloved Roman.

He shook his head, shaking the kisses off only to receive more little butterflies and tickles of lips along with whispered praises spreading all over his cheeks.

"You're my hero"

Not a single spot of facial skin was left without the warming enlightenment of their bundled up love.

"My one and only royalty"

Remus nuzzled his neck.

"If you were my king, I wouldn't overthrow your government unless you were really really mean", they promised sheepishly.

Roman's heart fluttered its wings of love like a Kolibri.

"You'd be the least favourite of all my people ", Roman retorted with equally diabetic sweetness in his words, "because I'd never want you to be below me."

Remus wiped xyr puffy eyes and blinked.

"That's a dumb pick-up line", they remarked with a flustered hint of dismay in their eyes.

"Just make me equal then, so I can be your favourite like I'm meant to be."

Roman tugged at Remus and quickly rolled on top of them with little effort, only stopping when he was on Remus' other side and got to kiss the hidden sharpness of their cheekbones.

" Remember that I'm your man ~", he sang in response.

The two continued to tease each other, softly exchanging little smooches and kisses to litter only with love in this wide world that was the other to each of them and them only.

They ended up sharing the snacks and juice Remus had brought over.

Before supper came, they were snuggled up and dozing off contently in the worry-free state of comatose sugar overdoses. Love nibbled at their dreams and palms found each others backs as the two slept through the evening.

In the background, Mulan was running on Remus' forgotten tablet.

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kinsbin · 4 years ago

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Title: Midnight snack Word Count: 2011 Pairing: Alexys/Lobo [SI/Canon]

Summary: Alexys can’t sleep, so Lobo takes it upon himself to make her night at least a little entertaining.

A/N: Commission for @space-sweetheart! Always a delight to write for ;u;

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Alexys tried to ignore the gentle poke of Lobo’s finger to her cheek as she stared down at her phone, the illuminating light of the video she had opened up in an effort to sleep slowly dwindling in a background tense as her lover’s distractions grew. A gentle prod to her side morphed into a harsh jab to her cheek. Then his fingers reached out and squeezed the soft meat of the same cheek he had been poking at with merciless abandone. It was on his third squeeze that Alexys yelped in surprise and flipped herself around, hand jutting out to whap softly at the massive man’s biceps with a pout to her lips. Lobo feigned a dramatic ‘owwww’ before losing his composure and laughing heartily at the face his lover made at his side.

“Aw did I wake you?” His voice was teasing and held no real echo of true apology in it, not that Alexys had expected it to. He was well aware that she was unable to sleep at times and, rather than encourage her to try and get some rest outside of when it hit a few days at a time, he was in the habit of bothering her at any given moment. Boredom often did things to the powerful being in his moments of thought that, for all of her human life, she would never be able to quite figure it out.

“What do you waaaant.” Alexys bemoaned as she rolled further onto her lover, continuing until she was all but sprawled across his broad chest. Beneath her she could feel the movement of his inhales and exhales even as they shook in a deep chuckle of amusement. One hand reached up to touch at Alexy’s hair, making her hum and snuggle herself further against Lobo as he smirked and continued to twirl strands idly between his fingertips.

“I was simply admiring the view.”

“Please, there was no view,” Alexys argued as she gazed up at him. Lobo frowned and gave a teasing tug to one strand of Alexys’ hair, making her startled not in pain but in surprise as she shooed his hand away from the tresses with a blush to her cheeks.

“Please,” Lobo purred, “You’re a fine thing to view. The drool on your lips when you finally do fall asleep and start snoring? Beautiful~.”

“Okay now you’re just asking to sleep on the floor.” Alexys threatened as she reached up to attack his hair with her own fingertips, running them through the thick locks atop his head and making Lobo laugh in earnest this time as he accepted her advances with a tilt of his own head and a thoughtful hum.

“Comfier than some of the other shit places I’ve slept in before. Trust me. Ever spend the night in an intergalactic prison? Ain’t go NO decent toilet paper anywhere. Not even for shittin, just for making a bed out of!”

Alexys wrinkled her nose at the mere image of the concept, “That’s disgusting.”

“That’s space politics!”

Alexys couldn’t help but laugh at the simplicity of her lover’s statement, her lips curling into that perfect smile that Lobo seemed to get lost in for one reason or another. His chaotic nature always reigned supreme in his behavior, certainly, but even an entity of trans dimensional space bounty hunting could appreciate the sight of a cute girl on top of him, laughing at his jokes as he wraps his arms around her waist and tugs her sharply into a playfully rough hug.

“Seriously though,” Alexys pinched his arm with a smile, “I can’t get back to sleep… I was really hoping to fix my sleep schedule too.”

“Well, why do you think you can’t get to sleep?”

“I don’t know,” Alexys shrugged indesiviley as she sat up so that she was straddling his torso, her hair falling over her shoulder and along the edges of her tank top in a beautiful way, “I feel like there’s always something on my mind, so I keep thinking and it just… doesn’t stop. Sometimes I just think my body makes up excuses for it not to fall into a REM cycle, I swear to fucking-”

At that moment her stomach let off a soft growl, causing a shade of pink to rise against Alexy’s cheek as she reached out to cover her stomach with both arms, hiding it from the raised eyebrow gaze of Lobo beneath her.

His laugh soon boomed around the rest of the room, sitting up so that Alexys had to balance by placing her arms around his shoulders and holding herself close to him with a pouty huff. Of course he would drag her even more close when she did something embarrassing. It was like he loved to revel in the mistakes she made. In a way he sort of did. It reminded Lobo how… human she was among the entirety of the world. How simply her existence handled itself against the weight of the universe he’s known for so, so long. Spending time with her, even just like this, made him feel more alive than any aspect of his bounty hunting career that he could recall. Not more alive than dolphins, though. Nothing could oust those majestic creatures.

“Sounds like your body knows what it wants to me!” Lobo declared with a ruffle of her hair and a grin on his lips, “You hungry, pipsqueak?”

“Yes but no-shut up!” Alexys huffed, “Its like 3 in the morning I SHOULDN’T be hungry.”

“The stomach wants what the stomach wants and all that shit,” Lobo declared with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Doesn’t matter the time, just matters the metabolism.”

“That’s not even how that saying goes.”

“No, I’m pretty positive that’s how the sayin goes. Now then!”

When Lobo stood up he took Alexys with him, scooping her in his arms bridal style and causing her to yell and cling even tighter to his neck as she gazed down at the floor below her in something half between frustration and amusement. Her complaints faded as she looked upwards in admiration of his face. From the edges of his jaw to the way he pulled his lips into a sharp grin of amusement, there was chaotic and handsome energy around him all at once. Did she really just think the words ‘handsome energy’? Alexys wanted to bury her face away so that he couldn’t somehow read her thoughts and make the situation even more ridiculous than it already was!

“Let’s get some grub!”

“We have nothing in the house,” Alexys bemoaned sadly, “We were supposed to go grocery shopping the other day and forgot to, remember?”

“I didn’t forget, I just didn’t want to.” Lobo declared with the confidence of a man who should not have been as proud of the statement as he was. Alexys couldn’t stop the laugh of moderate disbelief as she raised an eyebrow at him in wonder.

“You’re taking me out at 3am for food then?”

“There’s that 23-hour diner nearby that serves the best pancakes all night round.”

“You’ve never been to this diner nor have you had a pancake.”

“I’ve had pancakes! What the fuck do you think I am, a godless heathen?”

“Should I answer that?”

Lobo rolled his eyes (at least she was pretty sure he was rolling his eyes) and it made Alexys laugh all the brighter as she was continuously carried through the house, not bothering to be put back on the floor for as long as her boyfriend was willing to keep her in his strong, safe arms.

She wasn’t sure when they had left the apartment building they shared, nor when they had walked down the still streets of their neighborhood to the diner they both longed for, but there was no complaint from her as she was promptly dropped into one of the diner’s plush leather booths with an unceremonious ‘thud’.

The patrons of the diner watched in moderate terror as Lobo’s form took up the entirety of one side of a booth, his hulking appearance ever imposing as it always was. Alexys had long since learned to ignore the looks of others as they ogled her boyfriend in terror. Though the thought of their eyes was always still there in the back of her mind, dating Lobo was a wild mixture of constant stares and surprised yells as he got into something he probably should not have in one way or another.

The process of ordering their food wasn’t so much ‘ordering’ as it was the waiter tentatively coming up to them both, Alexys giving her request for some french toast and a cup of coffee, and then Lobo yelling sharply at the guy before thanking him with a roll of his eyes as he scampered away. Lobo mumbled something about ‘the service here’ that made Alexys bite her lip and smile through the giggles she choked out.

“Do you have to give every waiter a hard time?”

“It weeds out the weak ones, I do it for their growth, I swear!”

She simply kicked his leg under the table, laughing in unison with him as the two watched the outside world beyond the realm of their diner. As the foods arrived, piles of greasy diner foods and sweet milkshakes at either side of them, Alexys couldn’t help but feel… content in a strange way. Comfortable in the space she was in, even if that space was three in the morning in a diner she had never been to before. The world felt… so much bigger like this, though. As if so much more was bound to happen.

Was that just a side effect of living with Lobo, she wondered? He definitely made things interesting, that was for certain.

The thought passed just as Lobo took a bite of his hamburger that nearly made the entire thing disappear. She leaned on her hand as she chewed at a bite of her own food, hiding a smile behind her hand as she raised an eyebrow at Lobo, who gave her a thumbs up in return.

“It’s fucking good!”

Alexys swallowed her own bite and nodded, “Yeah, I’m surprised!”

Lobo laughed at her face and then reached out, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear while reaching out to nab at once of her pieces of French Toast and return to his own space, admiring his handy work as a blush warmed Alexy’s cheeks.

“You’re insufferable.” Alexys declared as she watched him wolf down her additional french toast slice between hungry lips.

“Ah, but you love me!”

Alexys blushed as she looked away, cutting fiercely at the slice of food left among its syrupy remains and muttered the words despite herself:

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

Lobo paused mid-chug of his soda and raised his eyebrows in surprise, the statement never truly ceasing to amaze him as Alexys admitted her words with slight difficulty. She looked back at him and bit her cheek to contain her own insecure look as she fiddled with her fork and knife for a brief moment. Lobo’s grin was growing inch by inch the longer the two of them watched one another, as though he was revving himself up for something. Alexys felt her shoulders tense for a brief moment before she was lifted up and scooped into a rather obnoxious hug from the other sharing the booth.

“God, I just LOVE hearing you say those ridiculous words, baby!” Lobo laughed heartily as Alexys squirmed in surprise at the suddenness of his actions, her face reddening as she looked around at the other patrons now unashamedly eyeing her with something between awe and amusement.

“Lobo you’re making this embarrassing!” Alexys declared as she struggled more.

“Shut up, I gotta ENJOY this moment. This sweet confession!”

“I changed my mind, I hate you, now let me go!”

Alexys found herself laughing as well though, her lips curling into a smile of delight as she soon found herself hugging Lobo back. Indeed, sometimes the nights were just better with him at her side. No matter where they went, they were there for one another that was for certain. Even in diners at 3am.

#writing commission #self ship #self shipping #self insert #si/canon #kinley writes #space-sweetheart

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written-in-light-blog1 · 7 years ago

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“LET US SPEAK OF THE TERRIBLE BEAUTY OF BECOMING OURSELVES”

Illustrating Destiny’s Books of Sorrow with community artist Francine Bridge

One of the most impressive Destiny fan-projects we’ve seen to date has been Francine Bridge’s incredible illustrated rendering of Destiny’s Books of Sorrow. Francine, otherwise known as Witnesstheabsurd, agreed to take some time to answer a few of our questions about her work, its impetus, and what the project means to her.

Written by Seth Dickinson, the Books of Sorrow tell the story of the Hive - and by extension Oryx and his siblings - and give deep, rich background to one of the game’s largest and most important conflicts. Lyric and evocative, the books offer insight into both the Hive themselves and the universe they inhabit, and remain Destiny’s most impressive and most in-depth piece of lore-building. For those who may have joined the community in Destiny 2, or never had the chance to read the original books, they can be read in their entirety here. Francine’s project shows the same impressive attention to detail, and most importantly, the same level of empathy as the works that inspired it. We’re ecstatic to be able to share this conversation with the Destiny community, and we hope you’ll take the time to admire the full project.

You can find Francine on Artstation, as well as on Twitter and Tumblr.

Written in Light: To get things started, tell us a bit about yourself. What you're studying, what field you work in, what you like to do for fun - give us a brief summary of who you are and what's important to you!

Francine Bridge: HI! I'm Francine, although I'm better known online as Witnesstheabsurd. I work as a freelance illustrator and concept artist in the UK - you might have seen some of my work in the game Hiveswap or at labels like Killstar. I do album covers, shirt designs, character/monster etc design work for games, comics, private clients. I'm currently in my 4th and final (I took an extra sandwich year to do a supplemental diploma in professional studies) year of my Illustration and Visual Media BA degree in London, after which I'm probably going to look for more permanent studio/contract work rather than the one-off freelance stuff I've been pursuing while I've been in school.

A couple of years ago, prior to starting the degree, I came out as a trans woman, which is probably an important detail, and it's informed a lot of my work. However, my driving impulse has always been monsters - my preoccupation with Destiny started entirely because a friend of mine showed me screencaps of Oryx after the The Taken King release and I was smitten. Pretty much all of the media I consume, the games I play, the art I create is in pursuit of ever greater or more unique creature and monster design, and they're very dear to my heart.

As far as what I do for fun - my day is 90% working at the tablet, but I find time to play some games and build "gunpla" model kits as well as paw through my artbook collection. Almost everything I do is informed by my profession, so I use my hobbies as a means to access and process more referential or inspirational visual material or techniques. I only recently started sincerely learning how to actually "paint," rather than just do some basic rendering under lineart, so that's been a major part of my work lately.

WiL: Was there anything in particular about Oryx that really drew you to him? Did Oryx come across as particularly great and/or unique to you, or is there something else that struck you with his character or design?

FB: Well, as I said, I'm transgender. In the ‘pitch’ my friend made to me about Oryx as a character, the most interesting aspect to me was that he's a transgender man (although I'm a trans woman, the experience has some shared parallels obviously).

In media, it's incredibly difficult to find trans characters not wholly defined by that aspect of their identity, or who aren't constantly wallowing in the Misery and Tragedy of being trans. I want trans characters who occupy all roles - villain, hero, supporting and main - and it's rare to find anyone who's more than a token or like, tragedy porn. Oryx super resonated with me because he was this figure who acquired power and immediately transitioned, asserting his identity in a way that couldn't be defied - Oryx's story is very much one about self-definition and the value of existence under your own terms, which are very important concepts to me.

When I decided to start work on illustrating the Books I actually reached out to Seth Dickinson, the author Bungie contracted to write them (and the Cabal Booklet/odd flavour text, by the way) to get some specific questions answered and he was kind enough to respond and was very cooperative and supportive. Among the things I asked about I wanted to know if Oryx was consciously written as transgender character or if it was just a coincidental "weird alien race" flourish. I was very happy to learn Seth had purposefully written Oryx that way, and that he was happy people took strength from it.

It's very novel to have, like, a "trans power fantasy"... a character who acquires absolute power over the self and instantly rewrites the contract between themselves and their body that so many of us spend our entire lives making adjustments to and renegotiating for some measure of peace. It was satisfying, refreshing.

Oryx is super cool to me on multiple visual levels obviously as well, being a mineral-encrusted deep space insect mummy warlord, but that element specifically sets him apart for me, and always will. It's cool to know that a trans character in Destiny can also be a hideous monster from beyond the stars.

WiL: Nice! I've wondered if Oryx was intentionally written to reflect a transgender person. I'm glad to hear a positive answer to that question, and I'm glad you found strength in it!

My next question is, why did you decide to take on this project? I mean, it's very clear that you love Oryx, so that factor is a given, but you mentioned in your original post that this was something you did for your degree. Care to elaborate on that?

FB: So, the structure of my illustration degree is such that while we’re given specific "briefs," such as topics or techniques, the final year gives us significantly more free rein. We're obligated to complete three "projects" and author a thesis over the course of the final year, but the subject matter, material, everything about those projects is our call. The outcomes are judged based solely on technical and professional development rather than adherence to a specific brief.

This left the field wide open for me to kill two birds with one stone and bring in a project I had intended to do anyhow, but hadn't had the time or space for; something that I was sincerely passionate about rather than an edict handed down by a tutor. Illustrating the Books of Sorrow was something i'd wanted to do ever since I first read them back in The Taken King, and I jumped at the chance. In addition, while i've produced and formatted artbooks before (My first published work, The Occult Supergiant Primer, can be found here ), I've been able to recoup the time invested away from client work in sales and funding. The Books are obviously material belonging to Bungie and I can't justify selling copies, digital or otherwise, of my illustrated version, so I had to find some other reason to make this investment of time and unpaid work worthwhile as well as enjoyable.

Being able to use the work produced to further my degree was the perfect "excuse.” That said, I've received so much attention from the Destiny community at large, including commissioned work from several new clients, that it would have easily been worth it regardless.

WiL: Your work definitely deserves the attention, you clearly have a strong sense of design! Would you be willing to tell us a little bit about the process you went through to make the Books of Sorrow? Do you have any early versions or storyboards that you'd like to share? Or did any of the illustrations go through any major changes from start to finish, and would you be willing/able to show us that process and talk a bit about why you made the changes you made?

FB: The greater part of the Books came together incredibly smoothly and naturally, with very little iteration required on specific pieces. The images had been stewing in my mind ever since I read the original verses a few years ago and they were more than ready to be rendered. What did require a lot of research, development and false starts were the designs for the sisters, Savathûn and Xivu Arath. Both of them have yet to appear ingame in any major capacity (although it's looking likely Savathûn is going to be a Year 2 DLC), so it was up to me to create designs for them that:

Satisfied the descriptions appended to them in the verses, as light as they were, and also matched the info Seth gave me

Satisfied my own personal expectations and interpretation

Conformed to the lore and the existing known morphology of the Hive in a way that would make them recognizable to a player with no prior familiarity with the Books

Balancing these principles lead to a lot of internal back and forth - Savathûn was easier because we had already seen her brood in D2 on Titan, so I knew to emphasize ornate crests, bonelike texture and a slightly less mineral, more biological look by comparison to Oryx's brood, the hive we exclusively encountered in D1. She was tough at first but ultimately fell into line with something satisfying for me, which actually drew a lot from the Xenomorph Queen in Aliens.

Xivu Arath was a little trickier because she had to be distinct from Oryx, who kind of already occupies the "big mineral/bone-encrusted bruiser" archetype visually, so I had to take her even further. I spent a lot of time wondering whether she would have any ornamentation like some of the bigger Knights (Alak-Hul comes to mind), given that she represents the "ultimate" Knight morph, but I eventually eschewed all decoration in favour of something reflecting her nature in the narrative: blunt, implacable, spartan. She dispenses with the ritual and hierarchical trappings the other siblings indulge in - notably she decides that all battlefields are her Court, rather than entertaining a court herself, and she tends to default to just brutally bludgeoning whatever stands in her way rather than making an appeal to the Deep or engaging in trickery. I was very satisfied with how she turned out, and the piece featuring her is easily one of my favourites.

WiL: I was going to ask which piece is your favorite! Do you have a Top 3 that you're most proud of?

Is there anything about the Books that you wish were different, or is there something you wish you had the opportunity to draw for this project but couldn't justify including it?

FB: I have a strong tendency to favour whichever the last piece I completed was, because by default I'm always proudest of my most recent work and very rapidly lose favour with pieces even like, a week old. That said, I think overall the strongest piece for me personally would be Oryx slaying Akka, alongside the final Wormfood painting and the Savathun piece, although honorable mentions go to Xivu Arath and Quria, Blade Transform.

I can't say there's anything about the Books specifically I wish was different. The part of me that's purely consuming it as a narrative wishes that they had found Taox, that there had been some confrontation there. I feel like there's a very strong "childhood vengeance" element to the Taox subplot, like when you're put down by an adult for drawing in class and you fantasize about coming back to the school years later as a wildly successful artist and making them admit they were wrong to have stopped you. A key part of that fantasy is recognizing it as a remnant of childhood, this impulse born out of a narrower perspective and inflated self-worth, and realizing you can move past that shit (Although if/when I do become a wildly successful artist there might be a few teachers I'll look up).

Ultimately, I think the arc of the books and what the story is trying to say about distortion of intent and self makes Taox disappearing a much more emotionally resonant and interesting turn. It would be neat if Taox turned up somewhere in-game, and became the focal point of a new Hive offensive. An entire species/culture with such a specific individual grudge is a fascinating concept.

With about a month and a half of time allotted for the project and 50 verses, there was a lot of stuff I had to cut despite how much it hurt - in a complete version I would have wanted a painting for every verse, but specifically I would have liked to draw Akka in full, the Dakaua War Angels, the Harmony/Gift Mast, the Qugu; basically I would have given form to the many species and cultures Seth conjures up with a few phrases and a loose description but still manages to make incredibly evocative.

WiL: Do you think you'll ever return to the project and draw those images, either as standalone pieces or as an update to the PDF you've already made?

FB: An update to the .pdf itself is unlikely. I tend to consider projects released to be complete, and usually by the time I revisit a subject I'm not obligated to work on it will have been a few years at the very least. I tend to have developed my technique and approach enough that new pieces inserted retroactively would look somewhat disjointed in terms of quality and style. The chance of releasing standalone paintings - especially of points of specific interest for me like say, Akka in his entirety, the Dakaua war angels, the Qugu, etc. - is significantly higher. Whether that happens sooner or later depends entirely on what my current workload looks like, and aside from the incredibly generous and supportive response to the project from the larger community the Books are very much a passion project and have to be weighed against, say, contract or school work going forwards.

WiL: That makes sense. What other projects do you have going on right now, if any?

FB: Just this morning I decided on the subject of my final degree project, which I'm also planning to run as my second artbook with an accompanying Kickstarter and print run - something I can actually sell as well as being material that excites me! It's entirely too early to disclose any specific details about it though.

Other than that, I continue to produce odd pieces of fanart in between a regular flow of client work both from private individuals and studios. I guess I can safely say I'll be doing more work on the second Homestuck game after contributing to the first, as well as doing some designs for a music video I was contracted for, and also finishing my thesis for the aforementioned degree.

The key thing, I think, is to keep moving - I get very anxious when I'm spinning my wheels between projects, and the temptation to linger on the threshold a while longer is incredibly strong, especially when there's always the fear your new work will fail to surpass what's come before. Reaching a personal peak like some of the paintings I did for the Books of Sorrow is a double-edged sword, and it can signify both a great accomplishment and a raising of the bar that can be daunting to follow. I'm confident that whatever you see from me next will manage it, though!

WiL: Believe me, after talking with you for a while, I'm confident your next project will meet your expectations. You are a very talented and very ambitious artist, and we can’t wait to see where your career takes you! It’s been a pleasure to talk to you, and we’re looking forward to your next Destiny passion project.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity

All images courtesy Francine Bridge

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