#I love being autistic/adhd because my brain is bouncing all over the place

[okcoolthanks]

SO. Not sure how it’ll end up but I might not have friends tomorrow which can mean only one thing…

I HAVE MORE TIME TO WORK ON THE COMIC!!!

AND CRYING!!!!!!

Honestly it might be done quicker because of this so get ready for more drawings and stuff of Happy Birthday Deare characters and just, stuff, in general!

[bubblyqueer000]

Can I get Makoto X Fem!Reader who has Asperger’s syndrome but is very sweet and tries to get along with Makoto?

Makoto Naegi x Fem!Autistic!Reader

I’m feeling extra chaotic rn because I have so much shit to do today but rn I’m literally eating half a dozen donuts and writing this hnjefvnjedb pls enjoy!!

ONCE AGAIN I HAVE TO PUT THIS DISCLAIMER!! I am not diagnosed with autism!! All I know are the basic symptoms from google and the symptoms that go hand in hand with ADHD so if I say anything wrong please let me know and I will change it accordingly. I don’t want to be the next s*a or some shit.

Edit: Wow I was in denial when I wrote this. I'm autistic as fuck lmaooooo

♡ Makoto didn’t particularly understand why you were interested in him, whatsoever. He wasn’t sure why someone so fun and sweet like you would want to be with someone so plain but he definitely appreciates your positivity! 

♡ He doesn’t really know anything about autism. He googles it when he meets you so he can understand you better but that’s as far he goes until the two of you start dating but more on that later hehe!!

♡ The first thing that made Makoto want to become friends with you was when he saw how you tend to interact with other people. If your autism makes it difficult to socialize with others, he understands (mainly because he’s socially awkward and he thinks that that’s the only reason why you have trouble talking to others.) Regardless though, that was how he became friends with you and he quickly realized how cool you are! 

♡ It took a while for the subject of autism to be brought up. It seems like it’s just something that you just kinda said one day. You weren’t embarrassed to tell him since at that point you were super comfy with hanging out with him!

♡ “What are you so happy for Y/N?” 

♡ “Huh? What do you mean, Makoto?” 

♡ “Well, you always bounce in your seat and shake your arms around when you get excited, so I just thought that something was going on.”

♡ “Oh! I didn’t think you would notice! But yeah I do that when I’m excited because of my autism!” You say while smiling at him. He smiled and went back to what he was doing… Right before looking back up at you when he processed what you said. 

♡ “Wait, what does that mean?”  

♡ That’s when he started to research it.

♡ It was definitely a friends to lovers relationship. 

♡ He loves how you match him in how gung ho he is. In fact, sometimes you’re more energetic than him. 

♡ As I said, you tell him because he saw you stimming (Is arm flapping considered stimming? Cause I do it bc of adhd but idk) but when you flap your arms around/bounce up and down/rock back and forth/how ever else you stim, he thinks you’re! SO! PRECIOUS!!!! 

♡ “Sweetheart, do you want to get f/f for dinner?” Class was over and the two of you were walking out of school. 

♡ “Yes!! Thank you, darling!!!” You giggle while (doing whatever you do to stim). Makoto just kept on staring at you, cutely, with wide eyes. “Why are you staring at me? It’s embarrassing.”

♡ “Sorry… You’re just being really cute…” He mumbled.

♡ *Heart explodes moment*

♡ Makoto loves hearing you talk about your special interests no matter what they are. It’s so inspiring to hear you talk about something that makes you that happy even if it’s just a series or something that he may find silly. 

♡ If you have trouble sleeping, he’ll ask if you want to watch anime and play video games or something… Not the best influence but he���s trying his best.

♡ If you’re non verbal he’ll try to learn sign language or makaton. He’d do anything to understand you better! (hehe makoton sound like makoto my brain go brrrr)

♡ The rest of this takes place in the killing game!!

♡ The whole situation was putting you under a lot of stress. How could it not when you were watching the kids around you die? And on top of that, all of this was going on with your boyfriend there. What if he got caught up in it and was killed in front of you as Leon, Mondo, and Celeste had?

♡ You woke up one night, horrified. The bad thoughts that were nearly impossible to stop had appeared and you knew you couldn’t get through them alone. 

♡ You nervously opened your door and peaked out, shaking as you did so. Who knew who could be waiting quietly in the hallway planning your demise? You hesitate for another moment and begin running down the hall. You were just about to turn the corner and run to your boyfriend’s room, when a figure bumped into you. 

♡ It was all over. You were already pushed onto the floor and at any moment, you would watch helplessly as the person climbed on top of you so that you couldn’t get away and feel the sharp, excruciating pain of the murder weapon your killer chose against your skin. A tear dripped down your face and all you could do was put your hands over your eyes and await a painful death.

♡ “Y/N! Please don’t cry, sweetheart! It’s just me!” 

♡ “Makoto?!” You cried. 

♡ “Everything's okay! Just calm down and breathe.” 

♡ You and Makoto sat against the wall. He took deep breaths next to you, while waiting for you to calm down, smiling when you finally started breathing deeply along with him. 

♡ “Good job.” He said. “Is everything okay now? Can I hug you?” He asked you quietly. 

♡ You pause, not entirely sure of how to answer, and finally, nodded. Makoto hugs you tightly on the hallway floor. 

♡ “I don’t care who I have to protect you from. No one's going to hurt you so long as I’m alive.”

[hiccanna-tidbits]

Autistic Hiccup x ADHD Anna Headcanons

SO I’ve been really into the whole Autistic x ADHD ship dynamic and Hiccanna...highkey fits??? Like y’all know I will die on my “Anna has ADHD” hill, but after reading this post by @hobie-brown I’m like wait, the autistic Hiccup headcanon is wonderful too??? And blends SO WELL with ADHD Anna??? And I absolutely HAD to explore it more so BOOM headcanon time! Another special thanks to @hobie-brown for writing the super lovely autistic Hiccup headcanon masterpost that inspired me to do this!

Disclaimer: I myself am not on the spectrum (part of the reason I’ve always felt a little weird about definitively HCing characters as autistic unless I see actual autistic people HC them that way too), so most of the stuff here is stuff I know secondhand from my autistic friends! I do have ADHD, so I can always promise that ADHD Anna will be 100% authentic XD

~Anna absolutely gets into Hiccup’s special interests to try and impress him. The most obvious one being, of course, dragons, but also dinosaurs (extinct dragons), lizards (tiny dragons), and Dungeons and Dragons (An RPG game that does, in fact, include dragons). Hiccup absolutely had that dragonology book as a kid and got obsessed with it beyond all reasonability. Hilariously, Anna’s wooing strategy of indulging his special interests works like a charm--mainly because a) he’s pretty flattered that someone takes THAT much of an interest in what he likes and b) half the time, ANNA finds that she genuinely gets into whatever said special interest is and finds them easy to hyperfixate on. It helps that the more she obsesses over it herself, the more she has to talk to Hiccup about XD

~Specifically, Anna definitely joins a DnD campaign at some point so that Hiccup will think she’s a “cool gamer girl”--and then gets unironically obsessed with it and starts writing 10-page backstories for all of her characters. She later tells Hiccup it started out as a ruse to win his heart via nerdiness, and he absolutely loses his shit laughing.

~One of their overlapping special interests/hyperfixations is high fantasy. Hiccup is, unsurprisingly, all about the mythical creatures while Anna is more into the magic and the zesty political drama, but you dun best believe they catch every CGI-ridden fantasy movie that ever comes out. They’ve both spent a literal fortune on fantasy movie tickets, even moreso on watching them in 3D or Imax. How embarrassing for both of them.

~Another less-obvious overlapping interest is history. Hiccup gets into it while looking into the cultural mythos of dragons (he’s pretty fascinated by the fact that so many cultures around the world thought up similar creatures independently), while Anna gets into it because she grew up cooped up bored and lonely in a big house, and entertained herself by looking into the history behind some of the family paintings. They don’t seem it at first, but they’re actually both huge medieval and ancient civilization history buffs.

~Hiccup is THE most touch-repulsed person you will ever meet. This is unfortunate, as he is also SUPER touch-starved and absolutely does not realize it (I mean, I’ve never gotten the vibe Stoic was the super huggy type, considering his and Hicc’s relationship in HTTYD 1). This means he has absolutely no fucking clue what to make of Anna when they first meet meet. Anna’s the sort of person to give physical affection pretty freely, especially if she likes you--usually in the form of hugs, arm pats or playful swats, putting her elbow on your shoulder, etc etc. Hiccup is kinda just like “this is way too much touching but like??? I kinda like having her this close to me??? What do???”

~Anna, meanwhile, notices that Hiccup kinda stiffens up whenever she touches him and seems to not be crazy about it and she’s just immediately like “yo what’s wrong???” And as SOON as he admits he’s not all that crazy about being touched randomly she’s like “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY” and never touches him without asking again.

~As soon as she finds out touch a kind of A Whole Thing for him, Anna is like...AGGRESSIVELY respectful of Hiccup’s boundaries when it comes to physical affection. Almost annoyingly so. She gets in the habit of basically never initiating any kind of physical touch without asking first--even long after they’ve started dating, and he’s told her it’s okay to initiate touching as long as she’s not smothery about it. She still refuses out of principle.

~They come up with a kind of “consent language” so Anna can pretty quickly determine when it’s all right to touch Hiccup--because Anna still really likes being physically affectionate with him, and he does actually like receiving physical affection a lot of the time (because, again, touch-starved), he’s just choosy about who does it. They work out a system based off of small, light touches that Hiccup doesn’t mind where it’s basically 2 taps on his shoulder for “can I hug you around the neck,” 2 taps on his side for “can I hug you around the waist,” 2 taps on his arm for “can I grab/lightly slap/punch your arm,” and 1 tap on is shoulder for “can I put my arm/elbow on your shoulder.” If he’s cool with it he’ll either nod or just say “yeah go ahead.” It works a lot quicker than asking “can I do such-and-such specific touch” every single time, and allows Anna to keep some of her spontaneity. They develop this during their friendship and it ends up rolling over into their relationship, even after Hiccup has basically told her she doesn’t need to ask permission for a lot of these anymore. She adds a new one after they start dating--she taps him a couple times wherever she wants to kiss him to ask if it’s cool to give him a smooch! It usually is.

~INFODUMPING. Literally SO. MUCH. INFODUMPING. Hiccup absolutely WILL NOT SHUT UP when he gets to talking about one of his special interests. Anna just will not shut up in general, but when the topic changes to one of her hyperfixations, it’s even worse. If you try to have a conversation with these two while they’re infodumping, you WILL get talked over. Honestly, left to their own devices, they could probably infodump to each other for literal days on end.

~Despite how much they both like to infodump, they’re both pretty good about being patient and indulging the other when it’s their partner’s turn to infodump in the conversation XD They are, however, notorious about accidentally triggering a barely-related infodump in the other person. It’s not uncommon for one of them to finish a rant and then the other goes “OH THAT REMINDS ME” and sets off on a completely different, barely-related rant.

~Hiccup actually really appreciates how overexpressive--and occasionally overdramatic--Anna tends to be. He never has to try and figure out what she’s thinking because she just says everything in her brain, and her body language basically always matches how she’s feeling to a ridiculous extent, so he never has to give himself a headache trying to read her. The fact that she’s the opposite of subtle and has no filter whatsoever works great for him, because he doesn’t have to drive himself insane trying to understand her. He gets her better than he gets most people because she’s an open goddamn book. The boy’s never been the best with social cues at all, never mind the nuanced, obscure ones, so Anna’s general straightforwardness and utter inability to hide her true feelings at literally any time is a breath of fresh air. What you see is basically what you get, and Hiccup wouldn’t have it any other way.

~People think when Anna and Hiccup start dating it’s gonna be a disaster, mainly because he’s so blunt and she can be...”oversensitive” (i.e. has a REALLY bad case of RSD). Turns out they’re dead wrong--because Hiccup has RSD too! (I mean, come ON--look how BADLY he wants to get his village’s approval! And how hard he takes it when his dad or someone else is mad at him--even if he tries to hide it with snark) He’s actually one of the few people who can be blunt enough with Anna that she realizes when she’s being a dumbass but tactful enough not to hurt her feelings or set off her RSD--because god, has he been there. When Anna is being especially difficult and has worked herself into a real bad funk, Hiccup (and sometimes Elsa) is the only people who can talk to her and get through to her without getting blown up at.

~They stim in similar ways!!! They both tend to fidget or kinda bounce up in down in place as a way to comfort themselves and calm themselves down (I see them both having a lot of anxiety and generally being kind of paranoid, although Anna is MUCH better at hiding this via putting on a cheerful face). They both do the leg bounce!!! Also if they get SUPER excited they’ll do a little awkward happy dance!!! They both also tend to stim by rubbing things in small, repetitive motions--with Hiccup, it’s usually his sketching pens, his ear, his head, or the back of his neck, while with Anna, it’s usually her other hand, her arm, her clothes, or really anything with kind of a comforting, consistent texture (some favorites are rubber, felt, and velvet). After they start dating, they actually will stim with each other’s hands while holding hands--usually by squeezing the other person’s hand in kind of a repetitive pattern or doing the thumb-rub thing on the back of the other person’s hand. It’s not uncommon for them to each be doing something completely unrelated while holding hands and just stimming on each other’s hands the entire time. Anna especially really loves when she feels Hiccup stimming on her, because it’s her little indicator that he’s happy and feels at peace and content in her presence and she LOVES being able to do that for him!

~They both stim by playing with hair too! Anna likes to play with her own to stim--mainly by figeting with the end of her braids or tucking hair behind her ear. She DOES love to ruffle Hiccup’s hair too (and she LOVES how fluffy it is!), but it’s usually not a stim thing. After they start dating, Anna does occasionally stim by massaging Hiccup’s hair/scalp, but she doesn’t usually do it for very long. Hiccup really loves braiding Anna’s hair, or just playing with it when it’s down. it helps him relax and clear his mind to have something fairly repetitive and/or mindless to do.

~Even after gaining some confidence, Hiccup still has a fair bit of social anxiety, so he and Anna basically always go to parties and social events together and stick with each other the whole time to make it less intimidating for him. Hiccup generally prefers to let Anna do the talking when they chat with people, and sometimes if he’s REALLY nervous he’ll sometimes even let her kinda talk for him (not in a condescending “speaking over” kinda way, but more in like a “I can sense you’re not comfortable speaking here so I’ll help you out as best I can” kinda way). She always makes sure to leave space in the conversation for him to take over talking if he wants. She’s also incredibly prone to bragging about his accomplishments to basically everyone they know. Hiccup is both embarrassed and flattered by this.

~When Anna finds out about meltdowns (probably through Hiccup mentioning it kind of offhandedly--“Eh, sorry I went AWOL last night, I was having a bit of a meltdown. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine now.”) she lowkey gets super anxious and frustrated because she REALLY wants to help, but has no idea how. Cue literal HOURS of research on the internet and AGGRESSIVE memorizing of any and all tips that she reads that she thinks would help. Which, of course, means several MORE hours spent going over flashcards like she’s studying for a goddamn test, because Anna has never been known for her sharp, expansive memory.

~The first time Hiccup ever has a meltdown in front of her (maybe after a really bad phone fight with his dad or something? Just general sensory overload?), she takes him to a secluded room and IMMEDIATELY gets rid of anything that could be agitating sensory-wise. She dims the lights! She closes the blinds! She throws a nearby clock, an alarm, a timer, and several other objects with only the slightest potential of making an annoying noise out of a nearby window in a fit of passion! She goes on a frenzied quest to find Hiccup’s noise-cancelling headphones--and finishes it in record time! Even in a state of emotional turmoil, Hiccup realizes that Anna’s being just a little too methodical in how she goes about all this--these are the kind of things that wouldn’t ever occur naturally to her to do. So as soon as he calms down a bit and has screamed into a pillow for a while, he’s like “...did you go on the internet to look up how to help with meltdowns?” and Anna’s like “...yes?” And Hiccup is lowkey so touched he starts crying all over again...and then, naturally, makes a long string of snarky comments to try and distract from it XD

~For their anniversary Anna saves up a bunch and buys Hiccup a lizard and a terrarium!!! She gets him a crocodile skink because, I quote, “Well, they always look annoyed, they’re kinda shy, they don’t like to be touched, and they look like tiny dragons, so they reminded me of you!!!” Hiccup screams like a goddamn fangirl, he’s SO excited. As luck would have it, Hiccup’s crocodile skink is a lot less skittish and prone to hiding than they usually are, and he actually lets Hiccup pick him up and pet him without much issue. Which is honestly great, because repeatedly touching something smooth and even like lizard scales helps calm Hiccup down when he’s agitated and helps with some of his sensory issues.

~Probably goes without saying, but Hiccup basically NEVER genuinely gives Anna a hard time about her memory problems or how she’s not always the quickest on the uptake, and if anyone tries to call her annoying, dumb, or immature he will absolutely roast them into oblivion. He does sometimes like...lightly tease her about jumping into things without thinking or never shutting up, but he never pushes it if he can tell she’s genuinely bothered by it (and, again, Anna is very easy to read, so it’s not hard to tell XD)

~I’ve seen other people in the fandom HC either Hiccup, Anna, or both of them as BOTH autistic and ADHD, and honestly...fuck yes!!! I’m down for this too! I love the idea of these two disaster ND kids just vibing with each other on so many damn levels that it’s like...incomprehensible to the average human XD Like man, they fuckin GET each other!!! I’m pretty happy with most combinations of ADHD + Autistic headcanons for Anna and Hiccup, so long as they end up vibing!!!

~THEY JUST. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. SO MUCH. THEY LITERALLY WOULD DIE FOR EACH OTHER. I AM SURE OF IT. I’M CRYING. 

[zosonils-art]

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Relationship: Ferb Fletcher & Phineas Flynn

Characters: Ferb Fletcher, Phineas Flynn, Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Additional Tags: Autistic Ferb, Autistic Phineas, autistic phineas is more implied and could also be taken as adhd but he has both anyway so, Autistic Meltdown, Autism, Sensory Overload, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Illustrations, Canon Continuation, Fix-It of Sorts, i think????? i don't frequent this goddamn website i don't know, Brotherly Love, Crying, some of the crying is me

Summary: A stressful day pushes Ferb past his breaking point, and Phineas feels that he has a responsibility to set things right. Takes place immediately after Ready For The Bettys. Was supposed to be a simple continuation fic but got wildly out of hand. Ph*n*rb shippers fuck off this isn't for you.

---

as you’ve probably figured out if you’re following my main, i recently wrote my first fic since i was about 13! it’s available on ao3 at the link above, but you can also read it on tumblr by clicking the readmore on this post! i put a lot of effort into this and it took a lot of courage to post, so feedback is greatly appreciated!

"Mom! Guess what Ferb did!"

Phineas bursts into the kitchen energetically, still buzzing with adrenaline from the day's adventure. Ferb follows a step or two behind. Linda turns her attention from the freshly baked pie in her hands to her sons, although Phineas is too beside himself with excitement to consider whether or not she's paying attention. "He made a secret tunnel, and a spy headquarters, and a villain's lair, and a hover jet shaped like Perry- tell her, Ferb!"

Ferb doesn't match Phineas' enthusiasm. In fact, at the moment, he's sick to death of it. He prepares to launch into the explanation he's been trying all day to give. "Actually, I-"

"Wait a second," Linda interrupts, eyeing the boys with suspicion. "Why are you two soaking wet?"

The interruption is just too much for Ferb. He doesn't even process the question, just lets out a harsh shout of frustration. Phineas recoils - Ferb almost never shouts. "I give UP!" Ferb yells, his voice shaking on the last syllable, and before either of his surprised family members can respond, he turns around and storms off, his destination betrayed by the distinct clunking rhythm of stairs being stomped on too hard and the sound of a door slamming upstairs.

For a moment, the kitchen is silent. Linda recovers before Phineas does, her eyes narrowing in disapproval. "Young man, that is not how we talk to each other in this house!" she calls, setting the pie tin and her oven mitts down on the kitchen counter and following Ferb's path to his room. Before she can make it to the doorway, though, her progress is halted.

"Mom, wait!" Phineas pleads. He's finally caught onto what's been going on all day, and although he's still only half processed it, he knows he doesn't want Ferb to be in trouble for it. He frantically tugs on Linda's arm to draw her attention. Once he's sure that she's stopped, he withdraws his hand (he's still wet, after all, he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable), but sidesteps around her to put his tiny body firmly between her and the doorway to the living room. "Mom, please don't be mad at Ferb, it- it's not his fault! I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, he's just..." Phineas' voice trails off briefly, but he forces it back into action, complete with the most serious expression he can manage. "If you're gonna be mad at either of us, it should be me, okay?"

At first, Linda returns Phineas' gaze with suspicion, then her face softens with realisation. She crouches down to her son's eye level, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Phineas, did something else happen today?" she asks, the anger gone from her voice.

Phineas hesitates, dropping eye contact again. He's almost certain about the cause of Ferb's outburst, and he can't help but mentally beat himself up for it to a degree. "Well, Ferb's been trying to tell me something all day, but he kept getting interrupted by our spy mission, and I guess it must have been really frustrating because he hates being interrupted but I didn't realise and-" he pauses to breathe, and shudders as he inhales as if on the verge of tears - "and I should have asked at some point but I just kept getting distracted and I didn't even realise how upset it was making him but-"

"Phineas," Linda says gently, and he gladly accepts the invitation to cut his rambling short. His breathing is shaky, but he doesn't cry just yet, even though his emotional state has nosedived in barely a minute. After giving him a moment to snap back into focus, Linda continues. "Phineas, honey, it sounds like this has just been a misunderstanding. On my end, too," she adds, regretting having snapped at Ferb earlier. Phineas nods with a nondescript mumble of agreement. Although he still obviously isn't looking, Linda gives him a reassuring smile anyway, accompanied by a gentle squeeze of his shoulder. "Thank you for telling the truth, sweetheart," she praises him.

"Mmh," Phineas mumbles, tugging at his shirt collar. He tends to fiddle with his shirt when he's nervous or overexcited. It doesn't hold a candle to bouncing his leg or flapping his hands, as far as stimming goes, but it's a lot easier to do while someone is touching you. "I just should've realised what was up earlier, then he probably wouldn't have freaked out..."

He finally glances up again, and the look his mom is giving him tells him that he should drop the argument, so he stops. Linda ruffles his hair affectionately, leaning forward to reach all the way behind Phineas' oddly-shaped head, and flinches at the unpleasant reminder of how waterlogged he still is. She stands up, flicking her hand dry. "I'm sure he knows you didn't mean to hurt his feelings," she reassures Phineas. "Why don't you dry yourself off and then go talk to him? Which reminds me," Linda motions towards the puddles tracked all over the kitchen floor, "why are you two so wet?"

"Oh, we fell in Isabella's pool," Phineas answers matter-of-factly. He isn't quite back to his usual blindingly sunny disposition, but the panicky tremble in his voice has at least disappeared.

Linda smiles, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, that I believe," she says. She'd tactfully decided not to comment on whatever that secret spy headquarters spiel was that Phineas had been getting worked up over, but she suspects his latest imaginary game took the boys to Isabella's backyard and ended up having some real-life consequences. "Oh, hi, Perry," she adds, as the platypus in question waddles into the kitchen.

Perry responds with his familiar chatter. Phineas leans down to pet Perry on the head. "At least you've had a stress-free day, huh," he says, then leaves for the bathroom. Perry stares at him blankly.

---

Ferb is having a meltdown.

He knows what this is, of course. He reads every textbook and blog post on the subject he can find, just in case it helps him make some more sense of himself. If he misses one, Phineas will no doubt have found and memorised it himself for the same reason, and will gladly rattle off anything new. Knowing why there's a raging storm beating at the inside of his head, however, is entirely different from quelling it. By the time he reaches his bedroom, he's trembling so violently that he can barely stand. He stumbles to his bed, pushing his hands down into the mattress to keep himself on his feet.

It's like feeling every feeling from every second of the day all in the same moment, and it hurts. So much is happening in his head that he can't even isolate a single thought, let alone process what it means. Is he angry? That'd make sense, sure, but his mental state isn't exactly conducive to deductive reasoning at the moment. Is he sad? Scared? Something else entirely?? He can't tell what emotion or mixture thereof it is, only that it's hurting his head, and he wants to get it out but he doesn't know how. He's struggling to breathe now, his arms shaking with the effort of keeping his body supported, and as he draws in a desperate shuddering breath Ferb feels something wet in his eye and then on his face, and he remembers that his entire body is wet and he hates it. It's cold, and his hair is sticking to his face and uncomfortably close to his eyes, and his clothes cling to his body oppressively and he wants to tear them off and stop feeling everything. Instead of doing that, he forces himself to breathe in again and looks around the room frantically, hoping to find something other than absolutely everything to concentrate on.

His eyes land on Phineas' bed, and although his vision is blurring as the panicky tears pour down his face, he recognises the shape instantly. Is he mad at Phineas? Should he be? He should be, right? If Phineas had just stopped to listen to him for once, he wouldn't be here with the world ending inside his brain. Another violent wave of emotion sends a shock through his whole body, and Ferb is still in no state to identify it, but he gets the message. He doesn't want to be angry. Not at Phineas. In fact, he doesn't want to feel anything he's feeling at the moment. Not the turbulent assault of everything inside his head, not the hammering rhythm of his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest, not every tiny thing that touches his skin or the light from outside that still feels blinding through the curtains or the muffled sounds of conversation downstairs that he doesn't have room in his brain to translate into anything but more noise.

Sensory overload is another term Ferb knows, and it's another one that doesn't really help to know in the moment. The feeling of anxiety that's been growing in his chest since that morning finally becomes too much for his body to handle, and he collapses on his bed, weakly gripping the blanket for support. Burying his face in his covers blocks out most of the sunlight, at least, but it doesn't significantly improve his mood. He shivers, partly from cold thanks to still being uncomfortably wet, partly from the sobs making his whole body convulse. (When did those start? He doesn't remember.) He uses the last of his physical strength to pull himself fully onto his bed and curl into himself, trying desperately to calm himself down.

...

It's not working. Why isn't it working?? It's as if every effort to steady his breathing just makes him cry harder, every attempt at a calming thought being shattered into a thousand anxious ones by the merciless torrent of everything whirling around in his mind. Ferb is suddenly hyper-aware of how empty the room around him is, and it makes him feel helpless. It's the first feeling he's managed to connect a name to with absolute certainty this whole time, and it's terrifying.

If he was making any noise before in his attempts to control his breathing, he's stopped now. No sound escapes him as he lies in place, too preoccupied with the overwhelming barrage of thoughts in his brain to move. More than anything, Ferb wants his brain to just shut off. Everything in his mind blends into a horrible white noise that won't stop, threatening to drown him in static.

Through the raging mental cyclone, he just barely hears the knock at the door.

Phineas waits a moment before entering his room. He wants to make sure Ferb has time to process that he's here. A few seconds pass, then he opens the door slowly so that it doesn't make any sound. A stab of guilt hits him when he sees Ferb curled up on his bed, visibly distressed. He's facing the opposite wall, but the way he shudders as he breathes makes it obvious that he's crying. Phineas feels his heart sink. He'd really hoped it wouldn't be this bad.

"Hey," he says softly. Ferb grips himself tighter. Just a minute ago, Phineas would have been the last person he wanted to see, but now his desperation for comfort outweighs any lingering hints of animosity. He doesn't object to his brother's presence, so Phineas gently closes the door and walks over to his side of the room. He sits on the bed, watching Ferb to see if he reacts negatively to the shift in weight distribution, and tenses up slightly at how damp the blanket is. Of course, Ferb wouldn't have stopped to dry off on his way up here. A closer look confirms that while a lot of the water on his body has run off and soaked into his bed, Ferb is still almost as wet as he was when he arrived home. Phineas frowns - that can't be comfortable, and it's probably making him feel even worse. "Are you okay?" he asks.

Ferb curls into himself even more instead of asking. The question is so frustratingly rhetorical that he almost reconsiders the possibility of being angry, but the idea still scares him, so the feeling passes. Fortunately, Phineas understands the unspoken 'obviously not' with no further input, and continues to talk. "I'm really sorry about today," he begins. "I know you don't like being interrupted, and I should've realised that it was making you feel bad but I just wasn't paying enough attention and- and I'm sorry, because it's kinda my fault you got so upset," he apologises, not realising that he's holding back tears until he stops to breathe. He wills himself not to cry. He's here to try and make Ferb feel better, not guilt him into forgiveness.

It takes a second or two for Ferb to process what Phineas is saying. It's a struggle to drag the words through the confusing whirlwind of everything still rampaging through his head. Eventually, after a great deal of mental effort, he shakes his head in response. Perhaps he was angry before, he still can't tell, but he definitely isn't now. He can't manage anything beyond the simple gesture, but it's not the first time he's been utterly uncommunicative, so Phineas understands the meaning as well as he needs to: it's not your fault.

"Th-thanks," he stutters, although Ferb's acceptance does little to settle the crushing feeling of responsibility. "Next time you can speak I'll let you tell me whatever it is you needed to, okay? I promise." He smiles a little. "No more secret agent business to interrupt you."

The last sentence sure prompts a reaction from Ferb - he rolls over so that his face is entirely buried in the blanket and makes a frustrated noise without opening his mouth, his body shaking with some mixture of anger and physical strain. Phineas inhales sharply and recoils, no more prepared for an audible outburst from Ferb than the first time. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, already speed-testing possible answers in his head. "Did you not have fun today? Of- of course you didn't, that's why you're upset, but I thought you did a great job on the spy mission! It was really cool." He's trying to be reassuring, but Ferb just shakes harder, seemingly becoming more aggravated rather than less.

Phineas tilts his head in confusion. "Ferb? Ferb, it's okay, I-I'm sorry. Did... did it not go the way you planned?" he guesses, searching increasingly frantically for any change in Ferb's body language. "Hmm... oh, were you not finished building it yet?" He thinks back to Ferb's numerous attempts at speaking to him throughout the day, hoping that he'll find some clue that makes everything fall into place - and something clicks in his brain. He deflates a little at how painfully obvious the realisation seems in retrospect, with a soft "Oh." Sighing at his own ignorance, he directs his voice to Ferb again as he says, "You didn't actually build all that, did you?"

Ferb sits up slowly and turns to Phineas with his signature deadpan glare, the silent, biting sarcasm undermined significantly by the tears still falling from his eyes. Phineas hums concernedly. "Is that what you were trying to tell me?" he asks. Ferb gets partway through rolling his eyes before giving up and returning to the fetal position.

Phineas sighs sadly. He hates seeing his brother cry. There's nothing he wants to do more than pull him into the tightest hug he can manage, but he knows Ferb won't appreciate being touched in this state, so he opts to fiddle with his shirt again to keep his hands busy. "Who do you think did build that stuff?" he asks. Ferb doesn't care. On any other day, a secret spy lair being hidden under his house would be cause for immeasurable excitement, but after the day's events he's thoroughly sick of thinking about the subject. Phineas picks up on Ferb's antipathy towards the question and, sensing that it might be a sore topic for some time, decides not to bring it up again for a while. He'll satisfy his curiosity sometime when it doesn't come at the expense of Ferb's comfort.

An uncomfortable silence falls over the boys. It's broken when Ferb suddenly sniffles loud enough to make Phineas jump, sits up again, and halfheartedly tries to wipe the tears from his face. "Oh geez, hold on," Phineas says, leaning over to rummage through his short pockets. He eventually pulls out a wad of tissues, somehow unaffected by the earlier impromptu dive into Isabella's pool. He offers them with a gentle "here you go" to Ferb, who takes a few silently and scrubs at his eyes.

While he still doesn't feel good by any stretch of the definition, Ferb at least doesn't feel completely awful anymore. What was once a violent hurricane in his mind has receded enough that he can focus on the world around him without breaking down, at least for the time being, and he's left feeling just drained. He balls up his handful of tissues and tosses them at the bin under his desk. The ball makes it to Phineas' leg before unceremoniously bouncing to a stop. Phineas picks it up and throws it the rest of the way to the trash, standing up to do so.

Rather than sit down again, he kneels down and pulls out one of the drawers conveniently built into the bed. Ferb watches inquisitively, still too out of it to immediately catch onto what's happening. Phineas rummages a little before finally pulling out a pair of pyjamas, suggesting, "You should dry off and change your clothes." He pauses to think. "Can you make it downstairs to the bathroom by yourself?" he asks. At any other time, it would be a silly question, but Ferb is always exhausted after a meltdown. The visible effort it's taking him just to stay upright isn't lost on Phineas. Ferb ponders the question, then gives a tentative nod. He's definitely shaky, but he really wants to change into something dry.

"Great!" Phineas smiles encouragingly. "Should I bring the usual stuff to the living room? Your bed's probably not gonna feel comfortable until it dries out." Ferb glances down at the unmistakable damp silhouette of where he had been lying earlier and nods again, more confidently. He slowly gets to his feet, first pushing against his bed for support, then grasping the hand Phineas offers him. He lets go once he's certain he's regained his balance, and only then does Phineas hand him his pyjamas. "I'll come meet you downstairs, okay?" Phineas says. Then, pulling at the bottom of his shirt, which is still a bit soggy despite his best efforts to towel it off, he adds, "I should probably change into something dry as well."

---

Ferb rubs his eyes as he comes out of the bathroom, his drenched clothes swapped out for his much more comfortable pyjamas. He's stopped crying, it seems, but he's still feeling sensitive enough that the light from outside bothers him. He's relieved to discover that it's much darker in the living room - Phineas must have been here already. The curtains are drawn so that the lamp on the end table is the only light source in the room, softly illuminating its surroundings with a pleasant warm glow. He doesn't have the energy to analyse the entire room, even in these far more bearable conditions, but his attention is drawn to his favourite weighted blanket folded neatly on the couch. He sits down and drags the blanket over him, struggling a bit with the weight, but relaxing once he feels its reassuring pressure on his legs.

It's as he's settling into his position on the couch that Phineas enters with an "Oh, there you are, Ferb!". Perry is firmly but comfortably wedged under one of his arms, like a fuzzy teal football or loaf of bread, and seems altogether unbothered by his position. Ferb gasps quietly at the sight of Perry, his eyes brightening momentarily, and reaches out for him with various soft noises of urgency. Phineas wastes no time in setting Perry down next to Ferb, and the platypus reacts with a gentle, almost soothing chatter. Ferb instinctively mimicks the sound under his breath, and Perry responds with a nearly identical noise. Ferb echoes it again, slightly louder this time, and his face lights up with a weak smile, the first one he's managed all day.

Taking this as a sign of progress, Phineas sighs with relief as he sits on the sofa. He makes sure to maintain a respectful distance from Ferb, who's running a hand through Perry's fur as they echo the same low growling noise back at each other. (It pains Phineas not to join in, but he senses the two have gotten themselves into a groove that would be rude to interrupt.) Ferb's smile fades almost as soon as it appears, but he seems much more relaxed after the change in clothes and scenery. His hair is sticking up in every direction from being towelled dry, and Phineas stifles a laugh at how silly it looks. The back-and-forth chattering eventually dies down, and it's only then that Phineas continues. "Mom's gonna make you some tea, and she says if you aren't feeling better by dinner you can eat in here if you want," he says. Ferb turns to him and raises a thumbs-up briefly before returning his hand and focus to Perry.

Phineas quietly watches his brother for a moment before speaking again. "Do you want me to stay?" he asks. Exactly how sociable Ferb is while he's coming out of a meltdown varies. He almost invariably needs some time on his own to mentally reset, but sometimes it helps if someone he trusts is there to reassure him for a while first. In Phineas' experience, asking is always the best way to tell.

Ferb hesitates for a second, then surprises both of them with his answer, which is to turn and collapse into Phineas' lap with one arm hooked over his legs in a sort of pseudo-hug. Phineas tenses up, not sure how to react. He cautiously puts an arm around Ferb, in a comforting gesture that doesn't fully subject him to the overwhelming sensory experience of a true hug. Ferb doesn't fight it, just repositions himself so that he's lying down with Phineas as a makeshift pillow and sinks further into the gentle embrace. Phineas laughs softly. "Okay, I guess you do."

This is nice, Ferb thinks. Definitely an improvement over violently sobbing alone in his room. Perry must be feeling relaxed too, because he climbs onto Ferb's stomach, circles a few times, lets out one more chatter, then flops down and goes to sleep, purring gently. Phineas giggles at the platypus' behaviour, and Ferb's shoulders shake in silent laughter - his blanket absorbs enough of the sensation that it just tickles. Watching Perry doze off reminds him that he's still exhausted, despite the positive change in environment, and his attempt to stifle a yawn fails. He's still on high alert, and he knows he won't be sleeping for longer than a few minutes until the emotional clutter completely drains from his mind. With that said, both the blanket and Perry weighing down on him make for a pretty cosy combination, and he finds himself fighting to keep his eyes open. Maybe just a moment of rest will be good for him.

Before he knows it, his eyes are closed, and he's powerless to prevent himself from drifting off. Phineas accepts his new career as a pillow without comment, simply adjusting his right hand so that both his arms are positioned protectively around his brother. Being trapped in place for the time being doesn't worry him. Ferb won't mind being stirred awake when their mom arrives with his tea, and until then Phineas can easily occupy himself with thoughts of what to do tomorrow. Besides, he can subject himself to a few minutes of quiet if that's what Ferb needs. What kind of a brother would he be if he couldn't, right?

Ferb half-consciously brings a hand to Phineas' wrist, as if it'll float off if he isn't holding on. He can feel his brain shutting down, and he welcomes the change. The last thing he's aware of before his consciousness finally leaves him in peace for a moment is the sound of Phineas' voice, promising him, "You're gonna be okay."

[moxfirefly]

As far as the prompts go: I can't decide between 64 and 78, being said to Bayverse Mikey, who has been having PTSD nightmares after a nearly fatal injury. The other person could be one of his brothers if not the reader who is his best friend and they are both in love without realizing. Since Mike is already my sweet ADHD autistic baby boy, I Headcanon him as actually introverted with an extrovert persona that he doesn't know how to unmask.

See, this is why my fanfic is so hard to write.

I see I see, ok *cracks knuckles* I hope I do this justice, I want this extra special for you since I’ve highly enjoyed your Mikey headcanons. I hope you enjoy this and it’s to your liking.

TW: mentions of PTSD, nightmares, some sensitive material, blood, injuries, etc

Rated Angst

The cot felt cozy on this cold winters night. It had been your bed for the past month and a half. The inside of your apartment was a memory by now, you wish you could say the makeshift vacation was brought on by your own leisure, unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

The sounds of water and the city above have turned into a soundtrack, when exhaustion won over or it wasn’t your turn to stay up...

Stay up with Michelangelo.

You sat up and looked around the living area, the usual chatter of the guys wasn’t present. Patrol had been short tonight per Leo’s orders, Donnie had been up until about an hour ago monitoring via the hub. Exhaustion had claimed them all including Splinter, but for all of your attempts to get a decent nights sleep, it didn’t feel fair.

Closing your eyes you could picture that night and the horrifying hours that culminated in your hands covered in blood. Mikey had been hurt, not an injury he could walk off in a few hours, but an all too real life threatening injury that had stained you physically as well as emotionally. You never expected to see much crimson in such a short amount of blood, to speak to Mikey in order to keep him conscious while Donnie did everything his power to keep his little brother alive.

Because it was looking like Mikey might not make it through the night.

That thought alone made your eyes water again, even a month into his recovery your heart shattered wondering what might be if he hadn’t made it. You saw Raph exit their room, half his gear on and as quietly as his skill had allowed him he snuck out. It had been like that for a while now, whenever it got too much or the guilt overtook him Raphael would simply sneak and go topside. Whatever he did was enough to keep him at bay for now, surprisingly so even Leo had backed off.

You almost asked him if you could come with, have a breather from it all but your lips remained pressed even as he was out of your line of view.

What a mess.

Ready to force yourself to sleep your head barely hit the pillow when you heard a brief shout. You stumbled out of the cot and kept still, the sound was there again and the direction it came from was clearly from where Mikey was. You patted through the living room, pushed the curtain open and saw him. Eyes shut tight and trembling, whimpering for something or someone. You sat at his bed and rubbed his face trying to gently rouse him without making the situation worse. Mikey had been sleeping poorly, he’d been racked with anxiety attacks and nightmares.

Gently you rubbed his face, the new scar from his incident. It was similar to Leo’s eye scar but much angrier, the sutures had been taken out not too long ago. The cast on his arm was still on, the scattered drawings you and him had applied once he was more lucid had been one of the most calmest nights.

Such a mess.

“Mikey, Mikey it’s ok, shh” You soothed softly as his eyes shot open and he looked about the room.

“Y/N? What-“ He rubbed at his eye, the none scarred one.

“I could hear you screaming. Are you okay?” You gently placed him back on the bed on his side, hand reaching for his and holding it tightly. Mikey blinked several times, that shine to his baby blues so dull. There was ache and fear behind them now, a raging storm that he seemed to drown in night after night. You caressed his cheek with your free hand, fingers making out a healed scar.

“Bad dream, felt too real” His voice was a little hoarse, the tightness in which he held your hand a testament to how this dream had left him. “Why doesn’t it stop? I-I just wanna sleep...just wanna be okay” His voice felt so small, the way his eyes teared up only gutted you further. You opted to lay down with him, much like you had for this past month. The two of you on yours sides, hand clasping his you kissed his knuckles.

“Tell me about you dream, it helps if you do so” Your words were hushed, Mikey’s eyes bounced around your face, he wanted to speak but so much of his own brain prevented him from doing so. He kept so much of his thoughts to himself, only ever letting his walls down when he was comfortable enough but this whole incident had set something back between the two of you.

There was something he wanted to say to you and prior to this incident if looked like it might happen sure enough. Now though, even as you held your own thoughts back for more pressing matters at hand. Mikey chewed on the inside of his cheek, a habit he had when overwhelmed with too much around him and in his mind.

“You can tell me tomorrow, doesn’t have to be now” You reassured as to not add more pressure. You felt his fingers losen from your grip and move to your chin. An innocent but intimate caress, your cheeks flushed ever so slightly. “When it happened... I don’t remember much, don’t remember the drive back but I started to come through when I heard your voice” His eyes fluttered close when you tentatively caressed his bottom lip.

Mikey swallowed, eyes back to yours. “You told me to stay awake, I wanted to do that even if I felt I couldn’t” You pressed a palm to the hard plates of his chest, it seemed to steady him, ground him. “I wanted you awake Mikey, wanted to see your eyes you know” Here you were doing just that and your heart twisted up with so much emotion.

You were so in love it left you weightless at times.

But now wasn’t the moment, another night maybe? For now Mikey needed to recover, even if it wouldn’t mean fully so. Physically he’d be there soon, but mentally he was a long ways.

“Could you stay with me here?” He sounded almost like a little boy, eyes shiny with tears and voice so small. You nodded, boldly pressing your forehead to his. “You can sleep now. I’ll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you.” You smiled timidly, another knot in your heart twisting when he smiled softly at your words.

You watched him drift off, so close to him you could count ever beat of his heart as it settled.

Feeling tears escape you tried blinking them away as exhaustion took over.

‘I love you’ you mouthed before you fell a sleep.

[hyperfixationtimego]

Taka gets sad and Mondo just. Hug. With permission. And shows him his dog plushie bc they are That Close and Comfortable w each other

Mm yes cuddles yes I am projecting

And they take naps and it’s nice so they both finally get good sleep (there are neurological benefits to that!! I won’t go into detail though bc I can’t remember the specifics)

And they both like really soft blankets bc good texture and warm and comfy

And weighted blankets bc Soothing™️

If one of them ever goes into a sensory overload they just talk very slowly to the other, especially if the other went nonverbal

And they came up with a little communication system for cases like this

So they can just. Do something and then they know what to do to help

ADHD Mondo & comorbid ADHD/Autistic Taka solidarity

And they read books together:)

They both really like Frankenstein

Taka likes it bc mmm classical literature and the discussion of ethics and theoretical science. He also really enjoys the wording and how the scenes can carry on for whole chapters and not get boring to him. The exact descriptions and the definitions in the footnotes are one of the best parts to him because he’s given all the information needed to answer his questions that are supposed to be answered:)

Mondo likes it bc of the sort of mystery bits and it gives him something to think about that he can process bc he and Taka discuss it regularly:) and he really likes the concept of Frankenstein’s monster and how there was a second chance at life, even if it was poorly handled by the other characters

hsbwvwvshdhshsvsv cuddlesssssss 🥺🥺🥺🥺

godddd the trust it takes for Mondo to even CONSIDER showing u his dog plushie,,,,,, Taka’s just like. this is literally the highest honor im-

Taka also likes plushies to begin with so it just makes him go :D

and hdbdvdvdvdvdv they do oh my godddd like,,,,,they just,,,,,fit together,,,,,,so nicely??? very good position and tactile sensation for sleep,,,,,,warm n nice,,,,,,,,ghdhdvdvdvd good

also hdbsbdbd sorry I know u were being serious and that’s so cool, but I feel like they also use that as an excuse CONSTANTLY like if they happen to be cuddling or drowsy in a place where people are liable to walk in on them or smth, they’re both just like “iT’S FOR NEUROLOGICAL BENEFITS-” even tho they’re already dating and literally nobody would care ldbsnsbsjsbdbdbdb

and yes yes yes!!!!! the blanketssssss ohdhdhdhs I think taka in particular probably really likes having a weighted blanket over him because it’s so grounding and present and ??? just there’s something covering almost every inch of his body and he loves it

and they both feel the texture of the other blankets and go >:0 because!!!!!! hsvwhsbsbsbs soft!!!!!!!

oh yes absolutely!!! I’d say that Mondo maybe teaches Ishi a few phrases in jsl (either phrases or words - whichever is simpler/easier to remember in the moment. Things that basically mean “I need to talk”, “I can’t talk right now,” “please hold me” “don’t touch me” “can you talk to me?” “please sit here in silence with me,” etc.) taka’s a bit shaky with it at first, but gets the hang of it!!

They DO read books together!!!!

god ur reasons for why they both like it are such??? galaxy brain takes???? ilysm oh my god

also,,,,,,concept of them snuggling,,,,,,,reading together,,,,,im soft 🥺

hsbshsbsbs also like. impromptu book club things happen sometimes with other classmates/students bc like 👀

they can’t discuss literature in front of Byakuya because he’ll call them idiots and imply that they don’t understand the “true meaning/s” of whatever it was they read

Taka and Korekiyo probably discuss the former’s latest reads quite a bit - they exchange interpretations of the text from their own points of views, which is always fascinating for both! Taka receives quite a few lectures on anthropological and cultural findings that are relevant to the time period of the novel, or historical events that the plot references and how that affects things, etc. etc. and Korekiyo gets to engage in positive social interaction with a friend to study human behavior a bit more by learning about taka’s thought processes firsthand

whenever Toko hears ishi and mondo discussing what they’ve read, she just. sort of hovers menacingly around them until Taka notices her and invites her over. She acts like she doesn’t give a shit but actually, being able to discuss literary topics is QUITE a nice change of pace. Not to mention that both taka and mondo are pretty nice people to be around and there’s little to no risk of being made fun of <3

Leon’s not much of a reader (freaking loves comics and graphic novels, tho!) but he’s more than happy to listen to The Boys™️ while they excitedly talk and debate and bounce concepts and topics off of each other. Their enthusiasm is almost enough to make him wanna read, too!

Almost.

Kyoko’s sat in on conversations once or twice - mostly for detective/mystery stories hsbsbddb

anyways yeah soft ishimondo things???? I love them smmmm

also Taka getting to rant and rave and infodump about his philosophy interests and stuff and mondo just sitting there listening to him like 💖💗💘💝

[sign-from-god-complex]

Summary: “Patton sucked in a deep breath. His hand that wasn't in Logan's hair clenched as all his other muscles tensed, teeth gritted and nails digging into his palm in an attempt to curb his emotions. Later on, Patton would be glad that Remy lived so far away from them because he was quite sure that if he had been nearby Patton would not have hesitated to take out all of his anger on him—and right now, Patton had quite a lot of anger.”

Or, Logan gets into an argument and Patton just needs him to know how much he’s loved.

(With ADHD Patton and autistic Logan, cause Projection).

Pairing: Queerplatonic logicality

Warnings: Discussion of a past argument, possible ableism, very minor self-harm as a result of emotional overload. 

A/N: Thank you, hon!!! I hope this is alright!!! I haven’t written anything in over a week and it felt Bad, but here is something! It’s here! And I hope it’s good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton was sweeping around the kitchen—having entered the room about half an hour before in a plan to make cookies but having yet to actually start—when he heard the sound of the door clicking open. Immediately, he discarded the shopping list he'd mostly been thinking about writing and bounced his way over towards the front door, a smile planted firmly on his face.

The minute he saw his partner, however, Patton stopped dead in his tracks.

Logan was slumped down against the door, head in his head and shaking almost imperceptibly. He seemed to be fighting to keep himself together, trying to project an aura of some level of calm and control despite not even knowing Patton was there—he'd taken a day off and neglected to let Logan know.

Patton felt something inside him crack and he bit his lip, raising a hand to tap against his chest.

"Lo?" Logan snapped his head up, eyes red and watery and Patton tapped faster and bit harder. "Can I...? Am I... allowed...?"

Logan laughed but his smile was more like a grimace, his face contorted in pain from a series of emotions Patton was sure he wished he wasn't feeling. He blinked rapidly, sucking in his bottom lip to stop the way it was wobbling.

"Patton, quite frankly, if you don't hug me right now, I think I might fall apart."

Patton was beside him in an instant, arms pulling Logan's chest against his and wrapping him up as tight and as safe as possible. The idea of Logan so bluntly admitting his wants was jarring and more than a bit concerning.

Logan wasn't great at asking for things. Granted, he wasn't anywhere near as bad as Roman who seemed to deny the very idea of needing help, but he almost never requested anything that wasn't being explicitly offered.

If you didn't provide Logan a drink at your house, then Logan wouldn't drink at your house; if you didn't invite Logan to watch a movie with you, then Logan would remain in his room until the film was over; if you didn't ask Logan to come and cuddle with you then Logan would not touch you because he would assume that it was unwanted. Everything needed to be clear and explicitly stated.

So, the idea of Logan feeling the need to disregard all of that to request comfort was a lot for Patton to process.

After a moment, he could feel Logan exhale, his tense muscles slowly relaxing as tears leaked out against Patton's shirt—something he was sure Logan would apologise for later, even if it was only water and would quickly dry. The quiet around them was interspersed with hushed sounds from Patton and the occasional sniff, paired with the soft rustling of their clothes as Patton rocked them back and forth. He made no move to break the near-silence with any questions; he knew Logan would speak when he was ready.

It took a good seven minutes of maintaining their positions on the hardwood floors before Patton kindly suggested they relocate to the couch.

Logan's limbs were stiff as Patton pulled away to stand up, almost as if he were trying to resist the movement, but Patton quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him up to stand beside him. Patton's motion towards the couch was met with no resistance, Logan letting himself be dragged along as if he were a ragdoll, limbs limp and void of autonomy. He pulled Logan down almost on top of him and again Logan didn't move, just lying there and letting Patton thread his hands through his hair. 

"It was an argument." 

Patton paused his motions for a moment at the sound of Logan's voice blending into the space around them but quickly picked it back up, not wanting to make his partner worry about his reaction. Logan seemed to take Patton's silence as a cue to continue.

"Remy was... upset that I had corrected him in class and it escalated to the point where he... went off on me—is that the correct usage of that phrase?"

Patton just hummed noncommittally. Truthfully, he wasn't all that sure. Virgil was usually the one to help Logan with all of the current slang—Patton just got by on what he picked up from them and Roman—and he wasn't going to interrupt Logan just to ensure that he'd used a term correctly. He had a good enough idea of what he meant.

"He-" Logan sighed, deep and pained. "He made the claim that the only thing I have "going for me" is my intelligence and considering how atrocious my social skills are, I should be lucky to have any friends at all."

Patton sucked in a deep breath. His hand that wasn't in Logan's hair clenched as all his other muscles tensed, teeth gritted and nails digging into his palm in an attempt to curb his emotions. Later on, Patton would be glad that Remy lived so far away from them because he was quite sure that if he had been nearby Patton would not have hesitated to take out all of his anger on him—and right now, Patton had quite a lot of anger.

He leant down slightly, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of Logan's head. "Love, will you be alright if I just take a break? I just need 5 minutes and I'll be right back."

"That's fine," Logan replied and Patton couldn't hear anything in his tone to indicate otherwise, so he carefully extracted himself from underneath Logan so he could stand. "Are you alright?"

Patton took a breath. He knew that it was helpful for Logan if he identified his own emotions, even if sometimes it felt like an odd thing to do. "I'm angry. I have a lot of pent up energy and I'm not going to be a lot of help until I've gotten some of that out."

Logan nodded in response and Patton knew he understood—they'd both taken breaks on several different occasions, so it wasn't like this was uncommon. Hastily, Patton tugged off his hoodie and passed it over to his partner, hoping that it would be an acceptable replacement while he was gone, before running up to his room.

Patton could feel his rage bubbling up and over as his hands started to flap—harsh, angry gestures that made him screw his eyes up tight. He flung the door of his room open and closed it behind him with more of a slam than he had really anticipated, wincing at the sound and flapping harder for a moment to counteract it. He briefly worried that he may have startled Logan before the thought was cast aside in the wake of all his other emotions.

Resisting the urge to bite at his lip again or dig his nails into his skin he began to jump up and down—something that quickly turned into stomping, the carpet beneath him making satisfying thumping sounds at his feet hit against it. He let out one muffled, high pitched cry before relaxing, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slow and feeing the tension in his body leak out.

There was definitely still some anger buzzing about inside him, but he was much more okay now than he had been.

He crept back down the stairs to see Logan laying out on the couch, swamped in Patton's hoodie and looking half asleep. Patton wasn't surprised he was so tired—emotions can certainly take a lot out of you and Logan wasn't used to feeling quite as strongly as Patton did. Logan perked up when he saw him, humming and allowing Patton to situate himself with his thighs underneath Logan's head—a good position for Patton to return to his previous stroking of Logan's hair.

A few moments of silence passed before Patton spoke up again. "For the sake of clarity, you want comfort and not rationalisation, yeah?"

"I believe so." Logan's voice was mumbled and tired and Patton tried to not tear up because he cared about him so much and he deserved so much and yet rarely seemed to get it. 

Patton wanted to give everything to Logan—wanted him to be safe and comfortable and to feel happy all the time—but he knows the world doesn't work like that, so instead, he settled for trying to make a safe and comfortable place for Logan with him.

"Firstly, Remy was wrong, Lo—so unbelievably wrong. I adore you. And that isn't because you're smart or because I pity you or whatever you're theorising about in that big ol' brain of yours. It's because you're sweet and caring—you offer me the last bit of your Crofter's when I've had a bad day, you bring me my stim toys when you notice that I need one and you buy me cookies whenever you see them because you know how much I love them.

"I like you because you're considerate and kind. You take over for chores I don't feel capable of doing, you indulge me in my silly, half-thought out plans and point out why they're a terrible idea, then patch me up in the aftermath of what is always a terrible idea.

"And I like you because you get me, honey. You don't get upset when I have to leave the room cause things are overwhelming, because they're usually overwhelming for you too. You understand that my disorganisation isn't my own fault and you always try to help me when I have important things I need to do. You let me be me without having to worry about watering myself down for other people's consumption."

Logan at this point had turned his head, his mouth parted, gazing up at Patton with awe and Patton simply returned his look with a smile. Something in him wished that he could hold him but he didn't want to disrupt the comfort the two of them had already established.

"Your social skills are not atrocious, Logan," Patton finished, blinking away the moisture in his eyes, "They're just specialised for a different group of people."

Patton watched as Logan shut his eyes, taking a few deep breaths and making no moves to reply. Patton had removed his hands from Logan’s hair at some point during his speech, using them instead to pick at the fabric of his t-shirt. To remedy that, Patton tangled his fingers back into Logan's hair to resume but was stopped by an almost silent whine from his partner below him.

Patton pulled his hand away from Logan in case the touch was too overwhelming, "Lo? Are you alright?"

"I love you." The words were quiet and wet and Patton let out a breath when he heard them, his lips quirking up into a soft smile.

It wasn't something that was said aloud too often, mostly because neither of them commonly communicated their feelings with words. It was something that was said in gifted cookies and excitedly recounting the most recent chapter of new books, through shared Netflix recommendations and helping the other to bed when they fell asleep where they shouldn't. It was held in between the lines of every sentence they spoke to each other yet rarely acknowledged.

Though, all of that didn't mean that Patton didn't love to hear it.

"I love you too, my dear," he replied, soft and sweet, "Do you want to come up here with me and cuddle?"

Logan began to move almost instantly, shifting so he sat astride Patton's lap with his arms wrapped around his neck and in turn Patton gripped at the back of the hoodie his partner had borrowed, swirling patterns into the fluff and noting the way their breathing synced together. It was calm and it was wonderful, Patton's earlier anger having drained away a long time ago.

Later he would be angry again—confronting Remy for the way he behaved and listening to him apologise more times than he can count—but for now, Patton was content, holding his partner and them both being so sure that they were loved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General tag list: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard @shadowsfromthesun @teadays @sandersships @mctaetae613 @autism-goblin @deadlyhuggles6 @romanthestarstruckqueer @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear @that-one-sunfish-with-a-wig-on @sanders-and-sides @spirits-in-my-thoughts @hhhhhhhhhhfjaskfsagfhasfgdsakfsa @autistic-virgil @stopitanxietymain @figurative-falsehood @jadedfantasies231 @idosanderssidespromptssometimes 

[brightlotusmoon]

Hello! List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! Learn to know your mutual and followers! :3 (don't need to do it if you don't want to)

1. Neurotransmitters working correctly. I can't make my own so I use store bought, it's fine.

2. Cats. My cats. All cats. Kittens. I need a box of kittens, stat.

3. Fanfiction. Ninja Turtles fanfiction. Mikey fanfiction. Mikey angst fanfiction that gives him ADHD and psychic empathy and real emotional intelligence with epic wisdom. I've been doing this for thirty years don't make me stop now, it's how I cope. I love my sunshine child.

4. Chocolate. Preferably just plain milk or dark. Do you have any?

5. Being loved and loving in return. Hugs, give me hugs. It's dopamine, I crave it. Yes, I'm one of those autistics who loves hugs, big tight hugs that can soothe my ADHD crow brain because I get to focus on the shiny that is you rather than the shiny that is oh shit is that the depression shadow monster lurking back there.

-

I don't know who to tag but they're probably other people in the TMNT fandom. I dunno.

This fandom makes me happy. It's not toxic like some people assume, it never was, not in the thirty years I've been involved. It just occasionally has some folks who get brought in by newer iterations who start bullying thus spreading toxicity a little, usually over headcanons where the characters represent marginalized identities, which doesn't make any sense because these characters aren't even human and are animal based mutants specifically turtles which let's face it will do all sorts of bizarre things and don't need to be compared to humans who naturally fuck up each other just because someone doesn't look or behave certain ways.

I prefer corvids. And felines. And vulpines. My first real online fanfic OC* was a mutated calico cat human with my own disabilities and orientations and I made her into Mikey's best friend and then surprise lover and then surprise polyamory, because my writerbrain is Like That a lot.

I have a new OC who is a fennec fox humanoid mutant again same hat as the other and I wish I could eat strawberries all day and bounce around and nibble a person's hand to show I love them. I nibble my own hand when I'm anxious, but I'm autistic ADHD and that's stimming and it's my hand though. Oh, and a human OC, same hat, for another AU. Which reminds me that AU fics are Alternate Universe headcanons and not canon thus why the heckity hells do people threaten each other anyway, it's fantasy and we don't own it, we just play pretend and share it with each other in the hopes that we're not alone in wanting to commiserate all these nifty ideas and theories and squee when we connect and curl up when we get scolded; and the very fact that we get threatened because we have shared fiction ideas that will never work out in the real world is a sad fact I still can't wrap my head around, you would think after my literal twenty years on internet platforms I would understand everything but nah. Even the various official creators and different creators coming from fandom into franchise had the same thoughts and I remember the conversations where they said how confused they were too at fans trying to hurt each other, nobody took it so seriously. So I guess what makes me happy is seeing fans open up to each other, make creative content that resonates, rising above bullying that comes from the bullies' own fear and revulsion and hatred and conflation of ideas that shouldn't be the same but they're probably sheltered and naive anyway so I don't hate back, I was sheltered too and I'm still naive. And it's funny and weird how I easily lose working memory yet random long term storage memories keep surfacing. What makes me happy is that I still have a whole mind, full of stuff, brain all wrinkly with knowledge which makes me think of Jason from The Good Place talking about how smooth brains don't have much knowledge or information, and there goes my crow brain again, I really think I want to nickname ADHD and change it to Cognitive Attentive Tempo Syndrome, I have CATS in my brain, my brain is a Kinetic Cognitive Style room full of cats and there's toys everywhere.

I'm happy my disabled body is still standing and moving after forty years since my birth at 26 weeks back when nobody knew anything, and in a couple of months it'll be 41, and there will be even more information and education and I want to be a test subject, an example, of living fairly well past the life expectancy that they used to assume for cerebral palsy and for autism and for ADHD all separate so imagine it all at once, and the neoteny that comes with each, plus now EDS, and wow I'm giving myself so much serotonin just thinking all this, because there's also major depressive disorder that hell might be cyclothymia I dunno I'll talk to my doctors, and then there's temporal lobe epilepsy that a lot of people just die from at all ages, and I've become such an advocate and activist and alive and forever pro choice and autonomy, and my parents still adore the hell out of each other and me, and I'm teaching them through my advocacy just as they taught me, and I don't think I could ever do public speaking but maybe in a nursing college, a disability advocate speaker? Because there is always everything to learn and relearn and discover and uncover and it's important to be able to change our minds and our thinking and our habits and our coping strategies and our understanding of how things work because nothing is static everything progresses, even cerebral palsy which is surprisingly a thing that while static and progressive still leads to changing neurobiological and neuromuscular updates via neuroplasticity, my physical therapist calls me unique among all his patients, a Variable when there shouldn't be, and it makes me happy that we are discovering things about my neuropsychology and musculoskeletal system that nobody ever considered, and I want to be around to see medical science make all sorts of conclusions that could help others like me.

What makes me happy is learning, connecting, passing on knowledge, being cautiously optimistic in this nihilistic sense of how everything matters in the nothingness where nothing matters intrinsically but each small thing matters on the surface, extrinsic, how it is seen and felt and considered. People forget what existential nihilism supposed to mean. I may not matter in the totality, but I matter in the little bits that count for others like me, and that makes me happy.

[thisstableground]

I'd like to know more about your thoughts on Fenton, Alvie, and Lee. Fenton intrigues me because he's a nice blend of adhd and hyper fixated on his work. Alvie is that one character Lin really showed his add and autistic traits through with gestures and repetition. Lee I'm still on the fence about but I'll say he's add or adhd. I want your input tho for a paper I'm writing using Lin characters. Alex too pls!

if you’re writing a paper you’re gonna cite me as a proper source i hope ;)

i actually don’t have an opinion on alvie as a character because the psych ward thing and some of his story is intensely triggering for me so i haven’t watched it and prefer not to interact with alvie content, it makes me very uncomfortable. i think he was supposed to be bipolar though, and mania might manifest in similar ways to some aspects of adhd (though of course a person can be adhd/autistic and bipolar at the same time).

fenton is like the absolute epitome of very smart when he’s hyperfocused but prone to distraction. the fact that he’s clearly extremely clever but when we first met him he’s still an unpaid intern, and his m’ma even says that he tries to do everything and needs to kind of pick a thing. i love the idea that only someone who’s brain works extremely differently and quickly and bounces around a lot of places in an unusual way would be able to properly utilise the gizmosuit, too. like, it makes his sort of scatterbrained genius a really interesting thing,, where it’s neither a “he’s really good at one thing but scatterbrained everywhere else” or “he’s really smart in spite of this”, but “these ADHD traits themselves are actually what make up his strengths”

the idea of alexander as autistic is actually what drew me to hamilton and then into the rest of lins work in the first place (i should note that i’m making a BIG distinction here between alexander the character and hamilton the historical figure, whom i have no interest in whatsoever). but it was the line “am i talking too loud? sometimes i get overexcited, shoot off at the mouth” that got me. i pretty much spent the first 23-ish years of my life being told to calm down and talk quieter and i very much took it to heart. i think its something i can relate to both as motivation to let myself be more passionate, but also he shows what can be one of the negative sides of  that passion, which is that if you aren’t careful it can take priority over the feelings of the people you care about - which obviously happened with alexander and the reynolds pamphlet. it’s hard to find balance in a life where you naturally function at one extreme or the other and that definitely shows here. i also just have a personal fascination of the idea of autism with words/communication as a special interest - as a writer and someone who kind of bases a lot of myself around my words, and yet also sometimes i’m nonverbal or can’t form a coherent sentence, it’s a strange position to find yourself in. this idea of what am i when i don’t have words? how do i make my mark on the world when sometimes i can’t even speak? 

(i consider it a sign of good progress and emotional growth that i now identify far more with usnavi than alexander. a smaller legacy of kindness and trying my hardest and trying to look after people even if sometimes i dont quite get things right, versus a bigger legacy of being remembered and important but sacrificing everything else in the name of that? anyway i’m tangenting now, but i also think it’s important from a neurodiversity perspective to think of their place in the world not just in terms of whether they have some kind of genius/proficiency. we’re often represented in that way in canonical representations. i think i prefer headcanoning my own because it’s good to be able to feel like i relate to a character who is a guy who runs a store and is generally just average, not a savant or a genius or a nobel prize winner. i mean i know i write ruben too but there’s a lot of different sides and usnavi very much hits the Just An Average Kinda Dude side that i wish i saw more of)

 (also as i said, raul from 200 cartas is canonically ADD so if you speak spanish then that’s a very, very good example, and even though my spanish is only so-so still one of my favourite representations of ADD/ADHD i’ve seen - the way he drifts off into thinking from the perspective of his comic book character as a way to cope with things that stress him out or confuse him is deeply relatable)

lee i literally only know from the small amount that he was in the Northern Lights book and the trailers for HDM, so i can’t say all that much about him either.

[boazpriestly]

I feel like talking about the AquaHart Babies as adults because I think about them a lot and I need to write this shit down. 

If you don’t know who/what AquaHart is it’s an OC ship in the Hawaii Five-0 universe made up of Pete Hart, Freddie Hart’s younger brother, created by @hollandvalleybaptist and @pterawaters, and Nahuel Hart who was created by @hollandvalleybaptist. Pete’s portrayed by Travis Van Winkle and Nahuel is portrayed by Jason Momoa. You can find out more about them in these tags here, here, and here. (We reblog a lot from each other so there’s bound to be repeats in the tags.) 

The AquaHart Babies are Pete and Nahuel’s three sons, Freddie and Alika,  who are from a surrogate, and Kai, who they adopted. 

I have basically stolen these children and run away with them because I love them a lot. 

So like here are my thoughts on them as adults...

Freddie Hart

Freddie is aro/ace. He has absolutely zero interest in being with someone or having sex or having children. He prefers his alone time and finds dealing with others, besides his family, tedious and boring. He enjoys being alone and living in his house all by himself with his three dogs, two cats, and a parrot that quotes TV show lines at random times. 

He is also a librarian (his main section is the children’s books) and a tutor for middle schoolers. He is very patient and very soft-spoken, and working with children reminds him of all the times he spend helping his brothers with school when they growing up. He is a favorite at his library. 

He takes immense pride in being an uncle. His nieces and nephews are the highlights of his life and he will drop everything to be there for them if they need him to. He is on all their emergency contact lists and it is well known in their schools that if the parents can’t be reached for some reason (usually work), Freddie is who you call. He is also known as the baby/kid whisperer because not a single one of his four nieces and nephews have ever been held by him and continued crying. He has a very calming spirit and often times, especially now that his nieces and nephews are getting older, all it takes for them to calm down is holding Freddie’s hand or hugging his leg. But more often than not they want full on cuddles and Freddie is more than happy to oblige. 

Also, Freddie is a bad cook. Like he knows, in theory, how to cook because Nahuel is amazing at cooking and he taught all his sons, but Freddie is just bad at it. He doesn’t know why, because he can follow a recipe to the letter, but it will not turn out good. Ever. Luckily he has lots of family who can cook and are more than willing to stock his freezer with homemade meals. 

Alika “Ali” Hart

Ali has really bad ADHD and Dyslexia. He’s had it since he was a kid and Freddie was the first to notice and took it upon himself to help his brother to learn differently (Freddie would read Ali’s text book passages to him and also make recording so Ali could listen to them over and over again.) These difficulties mean that Ali does not have just one single job, it’s impossible for him to stick to one single thing. He has like five part time jobs that he splits his time with. He is a boxing instructor, a surf instructor, a line cook at his dad’s restaurant, an ASL interpreter, and sometimes he a personal fitness trainer (but he only does it in the summer and if he’s in the mood for it. He is not by any means the breadwinner in his family, but his wife Kalea makes more than enough money in her job that he can just do a bunch of jobs to keep himself occupied. 

Mostly though, Ali likes to be a stay at home dad to his daughter Ari. She is autistic and the love of his damn life. Ali and Kalea taught her sign language early because a) it’s her mother’s native language since Kalea is deaf and b) Ari is mostly non-verbal. And because Ali is very fluent in sign language, he and Ari are able to communicate very well together and Ali just things Ari is the best person he knows next to his wife. And he is a really great dad who encourages all of Ari’s interests and actively participates in them. Like one time Ari wanted to dress up to go to a movie, but she wanted to go as the prince and wanted Ali to go with her as the princess, so Ali was like, “Alright, let’s do this!” and went to the movie with Ari in her cute little tux and him in a beautiful poofy dress. It was magical and Kalea hung a picture of them at the theater in their costumes in a frame on their living room wall. 

When it comes to his wife, Ali is an absolute romantic and one of those husbands who loves his wife so much and just misses her when she’s gone and will leave an event early if it means he can go home and spend time with Kalea. She is his best friend (they are childhood sweethearts and Ali learned sign language just so he could speak to her) and he will talk to anyone who’ll listen about how much he adores his wife and is in awe of her. Their house is full of random items all over the place because Ali has a habit of buying stuff impulsively because it reminded him of Kalea. Like the brown wooden frog that sits on their lanai that Ali bought because it made him think of this one field trip they went on when they were like twelve and this tiny frog jumped out of a guide’s hand and landed on Kalea’s head and she just walked around for like 20 minutes that way before someone realized the frog was missing and Kalea just plucked it from her hair and handed it back to the guide and moved on to the next exhibit. Little things like that stick with Ali and when he remembers them he often buys whatever item made him think of it. 

There are three things that will quiet Ali’s mind so he is not bouncing around constantly: boxing, surfing, and cooking. Those three things are the only things where he will just relax, be calm, and focus completely. He can often be found doing at least one of these things late at night when he can’t sleep, or on the days when he’s just having a bad brain day. The only other thing that calms him down like that is being held by Kalea. 

Kai Hart

Kai is polyamorous and has three partners, two men (one cis and one trans), and a woman. The four of them have three kids together; his trans partner gave birth to one of their children. Neither Kai or his cis male partner, Adam, know which of them fathered which child and they plan on keeping it that way. They are a closed quad, meaning that neither of the four of them have partners outside of each other. They tried to but it just didn’t work, and through lots of communication they all decided that it would be best or all of them if it was exclusively just the four of them. They’ve been doing well that way for like six or seven years now. (The names of his three partners are Adam, Cymon, and Sierra, and the name of their children are Tayvin (boy), Erynne (girl), and Eden (girl).)

Kai works in his dad’s restaurant, and plans to take over when Nahuel retires. He fell in love with cooking at a very young age and was like Nahuel’s shadow whenever his dad was in the kitchen (his love of cooking is very different to Ali’s love of cooking. Ali loves it because it keeps his mind quiet, Kai loves it because he gets to create something from nothing and share his love of it with others through the dishes he makes). When he isn’t creating new things, he is perfecting his family’s recipes passed down through generations. He hopes to one day be able to not have to look at any of the recipes and just make them perfectly by memory. 

Kai’s favorite people to spend time with besides his fathers, his brothers, and his partners and kids, are his grandmothers (Nahuel’s mother and Pete’s mother). He loves hearing listening to his grandmas tell him stories about his fathers or about their lives when they were kids. They fascinate him so much and he has such a deep respect for both of them. But the one thing he loves the most is that they still love to do his long hair whenever he comes around. He’s like 6′2 with hair down to the middle of his back and they still act like he’s this six year old little boy and have him sit at their feet so they can brush and braid his hair and make it look awesome. 

Kai loves to sing. He’s inherited his musical abilities from Nahuel and he loves to sing. He’s been in several different bands growing up, but currently he just does solo stuff and sings at venues whenever he feels he’s got a song worth sharing. He has no dreams of becoming some big artist or anything. He just likes writing and singing his own songs which are usually about his family. He sings in English and Hawaiian, and like Nahuel, Kai has written and recorded a special, individual song for each of his children and partners. 

I have more about them, but as this is already really long I’ll stop here.