#I love and miss Thea every day

[mountttmase]

Always Meant To Be

Note - everyone’s favourite baby is back ☺️ little Thea is my princess and I’m so glad you all love her so much so I could write more of here. I feel like we actually get to know her in this one so enjoy and I’d love to know what you think 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 12.9k

Warnings - fluff and smut

Mason was nowhere to be found.

You knew he should be back from training by now as his car was parked up on the drive but you couldn’t find a trace of him anywhere. No bag thrown by the door next to his dirty boots, no training kit thrown in the washing basket and not even the sound of his laughter ringing from his gaming room.

After a long day at nursery, Thea was out for the count. Snoozing away peacefully on the sofa with her favourite soft pink rabbit and once you knew she was fully out you went searching for Mason. He had to be here somewhere you just didn’t know where.

If you were being honest with yourself, you felt a bit weird sneaking around the house like this. You’d only officially moved in with him three weeks ago so whilst this was technically your house now you still felt like you were snooping somehow.

It was only when you got to the second floor that you finally heard his hushed voice. Following it to one of the guest rooms to find him sat on the end of the bed facing away from you as he spoke to someone on the phone.

‘Please mate, it’s just one night. I promise I’ll make it up to you’ he told whoever it was quietly. ‘Thea hasn’t seen her uncle Lew in a month now and she misses you. You don’t want her to forget what you look like do you?’

He was laying it on thick, really wanting Lewis to come and have Thea for the night for some unknown reason and even though you felt bad for listening in you wanted to know what was going on.

‘Okay fine, I’m desperate. They’ve been here three weeks and I’ve barely had a second alone with her. I love Thea with all my heart, you know I do, but it’s been the three of us every night and every morning. One night that’s all I’m asking for’

So that’s what he was asking for? Lewis to take Thea for the night so the pair of you could have some alone time? If you weren’t so desperate for some alone time with him yourself you may have laughed out loud but you managed to hold it in.

The fact of the matter was, he was right. Thea had been so excited about the three of you finally being one big family that she insisted on sleeping with the pair of you in the beginning. You let it slide for for the first two nights as her room was still being redecorated and you loved being all together but now Thea expected it and refused to go to sleep in her own room.

But the fact Mason had gone as far as calling his brother so the pair of you could have some alone time wasn’t something you thought you’d accidentally walk into and the realisation made you giggle. The sound travelling throughout the quiet corridor making Mason whip his head around in confusion before he realised you’d heard.

‘Fuck, Lew just text me yeah? I’ve gotta go’ he told him. Trying to suppress a laugh himself as he beckoned you over and you let him pull you into his lap as he quickly said goodbye and threw his phone down on the bed. ‘Where’s Thea?’

‘Asleep on the sofa’ you confirmed, letting him grip your hips as you straddled his thighs. ‘I was gonna ask what are you doing in here but I think I’ve figured it out’

‘Well sorry for wanting to take my girl out on a date’

‘Just a date, yeah?’

‘Well maybe some other stuff when we get home’ he winked, causing you to giggle as you hid your face in his neck. ‘You know what it’s like at the start of a relationship, I just wanna be on you all the time and it’s difficult’

‘I know’ you sighed. In all honesty you’d been having the same feelings as him but you’d felt a little selfish for it what with Thea being so excited to have you all living together again and she was being as clingy as ever. If it took Lewis coming to steal her for the night for you to get some proper alone time then you were willing to give it a try.

-

Dating Mason was a dream, but that didn’t mean it didn’t come with its challenges. After your trip to Portsmouth for Mason's birthday, he was eager to take you out on a first date. You’d discussed many different options from having the date at home to bringing Thea with you but in the end Mason had asked Luke and his family to watch her for the evening. Not having anyone else close by that he trusted enough to look after his baby and Thea loved Luke’s kids so she was happy to go for a few hours.

Your first date was perfect, he took you to one of his favourite spots for dinner, his eyes practically hanging out of his head when he got a good look at you and after a night of constant flirting and laughing he walked you home and kissed you on your front doorstep. It felt like a fairy tale but dating your baby’s dad did come with its own set of challenges.

Thea was the most confused out of anyone. Not sure why she was being taken to Luke’s house so the pair of you could hang out without her but she was overcome with joy at the way she got to see Mason more than she ever had. Your sweet angel lighting up whenever he was around but you knew the goodbyes were getting tougher as their bond was growing deeper than ever.

You remembered the first time Mason had stayed round later than he ever had. Thea had been in bed for an hour or so but the pair of you were on your sofa having a cuddle when she suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Thea has always been an incredibly emotional and sensitive girl so when she rounded the corner with her eyes full of tears at the thought of being left out, Mason being Mason simply scooped her up and placed her in the middle of the pair of you. Cuddling like a family for the first time since the night at his parents house after Thea’s bad dream. Their matching smiles melted your heart and when Thea was half asleep draped over the pair of your laps, you couldn’t help but lean over and kiss him softly. Letting him know this was all you had ever wanted.

You wanted to ask him then to stay for the night but the pair of you hadn’t reached that point in your relationship just yet and you didn’t want him getting any ideas.

Sex was something you didn’t think you were quite ready for just now and you knew Mason didn’t mind but you knew it was on the horizon. You couldn’t deny there was a level of need for him in that way and once you’d put Thea to bed you shared a dizzying kiss on your front door that nearly had you dragging him back inside and upstairs.

‘Before I go, I was just wondering if you were free next week? Thought you could come over and I’ll cook and maybe you could stay over if you want to?’ He asked, eyes full of nerves as he wasn’t sure if you were ready to stay the night and just as he thought, there was only one question falling from your lips.

‘What about Thea?’

‘Lew’s gonna be here next week. Thought maybe he could baby sit for the night and we can spend some proper time together’ he explained but the panic on your face must have been visible. ‘If you’re not ready we can wait’

‘No I�� I want to, let’s do it’ you agreed. Watching his face light up as soon as you’d said yes before he landed another heavy kiss on your lips.

‘I’ll text you yeah?’

‘Okay’ you told him bashfully. Both quickly saying goodnight before he ran to his car and drove away. Leaving you stood on the doorstep wondering what you’d let yourself in for.

When the time eventually arrived, Lewis stayed at your house with Thea as you stayed with Mason and it felt so strange at first to be alone with him like this in this way. Even though when Thea had first been born you’d stayed with Mason, the pair of you were rarely alone since then and you felt like a part of you was missing when Thea wasn’t around.

But you pushed that to the back of your mind tonight. Helping Mason cook as he tried and failed to keep his hands and lips off of you and when the dishwasher had been loaded up he suggested getting ready for bed early so you could cuddle up and watch a movie. You knew exactly what that meant but you followed him in and got settled under the covers in your least mummy looking pair of pjs you could find. Mason didn’t seem to care what you were wearing though. Slotting himself in behind you as he pressed play and almost instantly he began to let his hands wander.

You were willing yourself to relax, to melt into him and let him shower you with affection but you knew you were as stiff as a board no matter how hard he tried. Mason eventually moving away from you slightly and pulling you on your side so you could lay on your back next to him whilst he cupped your jaw and stared into your eyes.

‘Am I being too much?’ He whispered, your tummy sinking automatically at his tone and you wanted to reassure him straight away that he would never be too much.

‘No, that’s not it I’m just… nervous I guess’

‘Me inviting you round… that’s not what tonight was about’ he told you. Not saying the words exactly but you knew he was talking about being physical with each other. ‘I mean don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t say no’ he teased. Tickling your sides playfully as you melted into him finally and you hated the way he could read you so well. ‘But I just want some time with you, proper time without our little love bug in the way’ he winked.

‘I know, and I promise I won’t keep you waiting too long I just-‘

You couldn’t finish your sentence as he cut you off with a heavy kiss that made your insides flutter, but it was the loving look on his face when you pulled back that let you really know everything was okay.

‘It’s okay, I’ve been waiting years for you. I can wait a little longer’

‘I just haven’t been touched properly like this in a while’ you told him and you should have known what was coming next.

‘When was the last time?’ He asked, a slight tinge of jealousy behind his eyes but little did he know he had nothing to worry about.

You were too embarrassed to admit that the last time you’d been with someone physically was when the pair of you conceived Thea but you knew you’d have to be honest with him at some point. Choosing to skirt around the subject until you were ready to tell him in full and wondering if you could try and wind him up a bit.

‘I mean, I’m no saint exactly. I had a dating app and stuff’ you told him, laughing at the way his jaw slightly dropped and a look of jealousy flashed in his eyes even stronger than before.

‘What? You went on dates? When? And with who?’ He asked, his fingers pinching your sides playfully as he attempted to make out like he wasn’t bothered but just curious however you could read him straight away. Clearly the thought of you being with another man was a bit much for him but you were ready to let him know there was no reason to panic.

‘Well when I say people it’s more like person’ you admitted shyly, ‘and it was only ever when you had Thea for the night’

‘You had a boyfriend?’ He asked curiously, picking up on the way you specified it was only ever one man but you were afraid it had been nowhere near a boyfriend situation.

‘No, not a boyfriend’

‘But you said person?’ He mumbled. His brows drawn together in confusion and you wanted nothing more than to kiss them out away from his lips but your internal embarrassment was stopping you.

‘You really want me to say it huh?’ You laughed, your face flushing out of embarrassment. ‘By person I literally meant one person. I went out with one guy, on one date’

‘What the whole time we’ve had Thea you’ve only been on one date’

‘Correct’

‘What about… you know?’

‘Sex?’

‘Yeah’

‘Nope’ you laughed, watching his eyebrows raise in shock before dropping back to normal.

‘Why not though?’

‘Thea was too little and I never really had time to pursue anything’ you shrugged and you watched a look of guilt wash over his face.

‘I’m so sorry’ he breathed, cupping your jaw gently but your look of confusion prompted him to carry on. ‘I’ve never really thought about it I guess but I bet there’s loads of stuff you’ve had to give up so I could have things my way’

‘It’s fine Mason-‘

‘No it’s not’ he breathed. Kissing your forehead softly. ‘When you’re ready, I’m gonna look after you properly, okay?.

‘Mason’ you giggled, hiding in his neck as he kissed your cheek gently.

‘No I promise you, I’ll make it special. Make up for everything you’ve missed out on’

‘It’s just sex mason’

‘Not with me it won’t be’ he whispered, dropping one last kiss on your lips before laying you on side again and getting settled behind you. ‘We’ve missed the best part now, I’ll have to rewind it’

-

‘So when is Lewis coming?’

‘He’s got some time early next week. He was meant to be here for a meeting anyway but he’s gonna stay an extra few days so we can have a break one night’

‘I bet Lewis thinks we’re great parents’ you laughed. ‘Passing our daughter to him all the time so we can be alone’

‘Hey don’t say that’ he teased. ‘You know how much I love her but if I don’t love you soon I’ll explode’

‘We should really be stricter with her about bedtimes’ you sighed, thinking back over the last few weeks. ‘We've kind of done this to ourselves’ you laughed.

‘I know, I make sure she’s got the best bedroom out of all of us and she wants to spend every night in our bed. Just typical’ he scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully. ‘I shouldn't moan really. Before all of this started, whenever Thea was with you and I’d have to walk past her room I could never look in properly. Like it hurt knowing she’s not here all the time and this wasn’t her proper room, it was just her room at her dads house. It's so empty when she wasn’t here’

‘Now you’ve got the two of us’ you smiled, happy that you could finally make Mason's house feel like a home.

‘Hell yeah I do’ he laughed, grabbing you and pulling you further into his lap. ‘Best thing I ever did was asking you guys to move in’

-

Even though you and Mason were having sleepovers, Thea and Mason still spent nights at his whilst you stayed at yours but as the weeks went on and the drop offs became longer you found yourself not wanting to leave them. You wanted to be involved and wake up next to Mason but you also knew they needed their time together.

It had been a big step for Thea too. Not fully understanding what was going on and why all of a sudden you were staying with daddy all the time without her but when you explained soon you’d be staying together it meant you all got to hang out all the time she was jumping for joy.

You were a little unsure the first night you stayed at Masons with Thea. Getting ready for bed after your shower in the bathroom but he was nowhere to be seen when you finally emerged.

You felt a bit strange wandering off to try and find him but you heard his and Thea’s voices a little way down the hall in the main bathroom when you poked your head out of the bedroom and you followed it there. Stopping just outside so you could peer in and the sight in front of you made you melt.

They both stood with their backs to you, Thea in front of Mason on a stool so she could see herself in the mirror as Mason gently brushed her hair through and you smiled as you noticed the scrunchie on his wrist. You stayed put, hiding out of sight so you could watch them in the mirror and not intrude on their special moment and you wondered if this was a nightly routine for them when it was just the two of them.

‘So I’ll come and get you in the morning yeah? And we can make mummy a special breakfast for her first sleepover with us’ he told her and her excited little face nodded furiously.

‘Cake cakes!’ She giggled, clapping her hands together, knowing she meant pancakes she just hadn’t quite figured that word out yet.

‘Yes baby, mummy’s favourite right?’

‘Yes daddy’ she told him, feeling your eyes prick at the cute scene in front of you. They really were your whole world and getting to watch them like this felt so special.

‘Right, what style are we going for tonight missy? Pigtails? Bun? Mohawk?’ He teased, tickling her sides as they both giggled loudly which only increased on Thea’s end as Mason began to kiss her cheek repeatedly.

‘Bun’ she managed to tell him when he’d finally stopped attacking her but the roll of Mason's eyes let you know he wasn’t happy with her choice.

‘Booooring’ he moaned, brushing it back into a ponytail, watching as she looked at him with a scowl that mirrored his own and you laughed at how scarily similar they looked. Your laugh was clearly a little too loud for Thea’s ears though as her eyes found yours in the mirror and the joy that took over her face made your heart thump.

‘Mummy!’ She shouted, waving her hands at you but it was Mason's face you were looking for next. watching his cheeks redden as you made eye contact but he was motioning for you to come in and join them.

‘What’s going on in here guys?’ You smiled, standing next to Mason as he finished off her hair and you knew he was shy about what was happening as he refused to meet your eyes.

‘Just making sure this one’s all ready for bed like usual’ Mason told you, securing her hair in a bun and you were more than impressed with his hard work as it was probably neater than you could do yourself.

‘Mummy’s hair now’ Thea told Mason assertively, pulling you to her side and grabbing more hair bands and even though the pair of you were laughing you felt a tingle run down your spine and over your skin as he gently began to brush your hair back.

‘What do we think, sweet pea? You want it to match yours?’

‘Yes please’ she told him excitedly and you couldn’t stop the giggles as Mason expertly got to work. His tongue poking out as he concentrated and all you wanted to do was kiss him but instead you reached for Thea. Not content with her standing on a high stall alone and potentially falling off so you picked her up and held her to your body. Your heart thumping as she held you by your cheeks and kissed your face repeatedly just as Mason had done to her just before.

The next time you looked up was when you felt Mason's hands sneaking around your waist so he could pull your body towards his. Looking up to see he’d tied your hair up in a bun that was just as perfect as Thea’s.

‘Wow, you’re pretty good at that’

‘I’ve had a lot of practice,’ he smiled. Kissing your temple gently before reaching over to give Thea’s head a kiss too. ‘Come on then, bedtime for you two’ he laughed. Leading you both out and into Thea’s room where you both popped her in bed and kissed her cheeks whilst she tried not to yawn. Mason only getting as far as half way down the second page of her favourite book before she was fast asleep.

‘Would you like me to read you a bedtime story, my love?’ Mason laughed as he walked you into his bedroom. His cheeky smile letting you know he was joking but you wanted to test him so when you nodded his face dropped slightly.

‘I’ve got my book in my bag, you could read me a few pages if you like’

‘It’s not 50 shades of grey is it?’

‘Oh no, it’s much sexier than that’ you laughed, watching his cheeks redden but your favourite cheeky smirk of his returned instantly.

‘Well how about instead of me reading it to you, you show me what happens? I’ve always been more of a visual learner’ he teased, hands dipping under the hem of your shirt so he could touch your waist and you shivered at the feeling knowing he was about to take care of you just how you liked.

The next morning Mason went missing for a few moments, coming back with Thea in his arms whilst telling you she felt left out but she was barely awake and you knew it was Mason missing their usual morning cuddles. Thea really was Mason's best friend and the pair of them stuck to their promise of getting up and making you breakfast for your first sleepover. Your heart fluttering at the way you found them munching away in the kitchen as they spoke about what they were getting up to that day until they saw you hanging in the doorway and invited you in.

This routine went on for a while. You and Thea spending at least one night a week together at Masons until one night turned into two and sometimes three and you knew Thea had no idea what was going on, she was just happy to be together with the pair of you.

It was just after dinner a few weeks later and you were loading the dishwasher when Thea came to find you. Tonight would be the third night in a row you’d be staying at Masons and you smiled as she trudged her way over to you. Dragging her pink bunny that Mason had gotten her when she was born by the ear but you could tell she looked a little troubled.

This wasn’t a new thing, Thea always seemed to get a little quieter in the evenings where you were at Masons but as soon as you changed her into her pjs she perked up a little bit. You’d been meaning to have a chat with her but you hadn’t got round to it as things had been so busy lately but you stopped what you were doing as she approached you.

‘Thea? You okay sweetie?’ You asked. Kneeling down to her level so you could talk to her properly.

‘We go home soon?’ She asked quietly, pulling her bunny up to her chest to hug it tightly.

‘Tomorrow, baby’ you told her softly. Watching her smile before her shoulders relaxed a tiny bit but she just nodded. Waddling back out and in the direction of the living room to go and play with her toys.

You couldn’t tell what was going through her little head, was she missing your house? did she want to go home? Or was she happy you were still staying here with Mason? You just didn’t know.

What you did know was that Mason hated loading the dishwasher and you knew he was hiding out so he didn’t have to do it. Mason said he was only popping to the loo so when he still wasn’t back as you finished wiping the surfaces you went in search of him, finding him in the back room with his head propped up on his fists and his bottom lip jutting out and the sight made your heart sunk into your tummy.

‘Mase? You alright’ you asked, the sound of your voice making him jump slightly but you could see the sadness in his eyes from a mile away. ‘What’s going on’

‘Nothing’ he told you, shaking his head as you made your way over to him but you knew there was definitely something up and you wanted to get to the bottom of it.

‘Well there is, Mase. You can tell me’ you told him softly. Letting him pull you into his lap so he could hold you and you felt him relax instantly. Holding you as close as he could whilst breathing in your scent before looking up at you shyly.

‘I heard you and Thea talking in the kitchen. Her asking when you’re going home and… I don’t know’

‘Oh Mase’ you pouted, holding him close and you stroked his hair lightly.

‘I just… I love you guys and I want us all here together permanently soon but it doesn’t look hopeful if she’s asking when she can leave’

‘Well first of all, we love you just as much. I’m sure there’s an explanation’ you laughed ‘Maybe we should talk to her about everything. She’s only just turned three so she probably doesn’t really understand everything yet’ you told him and you felt him relax under you slightly. ‘You know she loves being here’

‘I know’ he nodded. ‘Maybe it’s best, let’s see what she thinks’

‘Was that your sly way of asking me to move in?’ You teased and even though he still looked unsure his smile made you feel a lot brighter.

‘Yeah, I suppose it was’ he laughed. ‘You know if Thea is okay with it, can we make this our house rather than just mine but you sleep over a lot?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I just want us all together. You know like that family we were always meant to be. You guys sleep here most of the time anyway it’s not like much would change. You’d just have more of your stuff here’

‘And no place to escape from you’

‘Meanie’ he pouted but he knew it was all in jest.

‘I guess it makes sense. We can stop paying for a house no one’s ever in and you’d get to see Thea a lot more’

‘See, it’s a win for everyone’ he beamed. Taking your outstretched hand as you stood up and he nervously followed you into the living room where Thea was playing with her dolls house.

‘Thea baby, will you come over here for me?’ You asked, watching her put her toys down and come over. Reaching up so Mason would sit her in his lap and the smile he gave her because she’d picked him made you melt.

‘Me and daddy have been thinking it’s a good idea for us to all stay together from now on. What do you think?’ You asked her but she looked a little confused so you explained a little further. ‘So we won’t have my house and daddy’s house anymore, we’d have the same one and we can all go to sleep together and and wake up together and see each other every day not just sometimes, yeah? How does that sound?’

‘My toys’ she pouted, her eyes filling with tears immediately and you knew you’d have to break it down for her a little more. In her mind your houses were two separate things and if you were leaving that house then you were leaving everything that came with it there too.

‘We’ll bring all your toys here bubs. And your bed and all your other things that you want. We’ll just stay here now’

‘Where will daddy go?’ She questioned, small tears running down her cheeks that Mason wiped away quickly and you knew he was getting just as upset as she was watching his baby cry.

‘He’ll stay here too, munchkin’

‘All the time?’

‘Yes baby, I’ll be here all the time’ Mason chimed in. ‘I can read you a story every night now, not just a few times a week. And we can have our special breakfast in the mornings just the two of us still. That stuff doesn’t have to change you’ll just have one room not two’

‘No more bye bye’

‘No more bye bye, baby’ he told her. His eyes filling up as he realised that was what the issue was. The longer Thea spent with Mason the harder the goodbyes were becoming as she only grew more attached to him but he was quick to reassure her that was now a thing of the past. ‘The only time we have to do bye bye is when I have to go to a game. But I’ll always come back okay?’

‘Okay’ she told him. Dropping her lip as she reached for him so he could pull her into a cuddle and you melted at the way Mason held his arm out for you so you could join in.

‘We’ll go and grab all our stuff soon and bring it here, yeah?’ You told her. Both your faces close to each other on Mason's chest. ‘We can get you more sheets too so they match your room here’

‘Mummy, I like pink’’

‘I know baby but your room here is purple’

‘But pink’

‘I can make it pink for you sweet pea’ Mason chimed in. Clearly wanting to do anything for Thea to make her more comfortable in his house. ‘Nanny and grandad are here this weekend and I’m sure grandad will help me paint it when I’m back from my game’

‘Mase you’ll be exhausted’ you reasoned with him but he was incessant on giving Thea exactly what she wanted so she’d be happy.

‘I don’t care. It won’t take long if we all chip in’ he told you, kissing your forehead gently and it’s like you fell for him all over again seeing how he’d do just about anything for the pair of you.

‘Love you’ you whispered, eyes boring into his and he was quick to close the small gap and leave a quick kiss on your lips.

‘Love you’ he whispered back. The brightest smile on his face and it warmed you to know you were the cause of it.

Mason stuck to his word, coming home from his game on Saturday and getting straight to painting with his dad. You and Debbie offered to help to get it done quicker but Mason assured you they could do it so the pair of you got stuck into building some of the new furniture for her room instead. With all her stuff being here now she needed a bigger set of drawers and a new wardrobe and whilst the latter was being delivered the next day, the drawers were currently in pieces in the spare bedroom across the hall.

‘I’m just gonna see if the boys want a cuppa whilst you read over that’ you told Debbie. Knowing she wanted to read the instructions twice so she knew what was happening but you didn’t head into Thea’s room straight away. You could tell there was an important conversation happening that you didn’t want to disturb and just like usual your curiosity got the better of you and you stood outside trying to listen in.

‘Thanks for helping me with this dad’ you heard Mason say. ‘I really do appreciate it, I bet it’s the last thing you wanna be doing at this time’

‘You know I’d do anything for Thea’ you heard Tony reply and it warmed you to know she had such a supportive network around her. ‘I’m really happy for you, you know that right? I know this is what you’ve always wanted and yes you went about it a different way to most but I’m so proud of you and y/n for figuring it all out. Thea is such a special girl and it’s all down to you two’

‘Stop it, I’ll cry’ Mason joked, but you could tell he was a little emotional. Your own eyes stinging at Tony’s praise for all of you but you held your emotions in so you didn’t get caught. ‘Things have got a way of figuring themselves out and all I’ve ever wanted was this. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to have them’

‘You don’t have to tell me, I can see it all over your face’ Tony joked and you used this as an in to check on them to ask if they wanted a drink. Mason popping a kiss on your cheek as he tried to not get paint over you but you were surprised to see how far they’d gotten already.

By the time they’d given it a second coat and you and Debbie had figured out the instructions to Thea’s new furniture it was nearly time for bed. Debbie and Tony taking themselves off to bed as they were so tired so the three of you got ready yourselves but the thought of Thea sleeping in a room of wet paint made you frown.

‘You’ll have to sleep with us tonight baby, your room won’t be finished until tomorrow okay?’ You told her but she nodded excitedly. The three of you having so much fun before going to sleep that Thea refused to sleep in there even after the paint had dried and the smell had disappeared. You tried everything you could think of to get her back in there but she would only seem to sleep in your bed for now and you were tired of trying but at the end of week two you let it slide for a while until the pair of you realised you really needed her back in her own room.

-

‘You still think it’s the best idea when she can’t sleep without us now?’ You laughed. Gripping his shoulders tightly as you felt his hands move to your bum.

‘Well I’m hoping Lew can convince her to sleep in her own bed when we’re not here’ Mason winked. ‘We’ve not been apart since you’ve moved in, maybe a a night way will do her good? Like Lew can make sure she sleeps in her own bed and then when we come back we’re more strict with her about it’

‘That could work’

‘We can’t have her in our room forever I’ll go insane’

‘How about we tell her we’ll come get her in the morning for cuddles?’ You suggested and you watched his face soften at your words.

‘You're such a good mum’ he whispered. ‘There’s me practically chucking her out on the street just so I can have you. Just shows you what this body does to me’

‘Oh hush up you melon’ you laughed, feeling him grip your bum again as he kissed your neck and you tried not to gasp at the contact.

‘Your melon’ he whispered, attacking your neck with more kisses and no matter how much you tried to wriggle away he just held you tighter. ‘Got me right under your sexy spell’

‘And to think I was too scared of what you’d think of me in the beginning’ you laughed, trying your fingers over his scalp and the low moan that left his lips excited you.

-

When Mason told you he was willing to wait until you were ready to be intimate, you didn’t realise how serious he was. And as each time you saw him went by your need for him grew until the third sleepover you were having at his where every touch of his set your skin alight. You’d been craving alone time with him for days and you’d told yourself this time you’d make sure the pair of you got what you wanted.

The night went the same as the others. Mason making the pair of you dinner before you got into bed and he was up to his usual tricks. Tracing your skin lightly with his fingertips over your ribs and even though you knew he ever meant anything by it as he always just liked to touch, but it turned you on more than anything else.

You knew Mason was waiting until you were ready however you had a fear of Initiating anything. You knew it was all on you though so you let him push it this time and melted into his hold as he grew braver with his hands. Your breathing was heavy and he was holding onto you for dear life so when you felt him prod you in the back you couldn’t help but let out a breathy moan.

You were more turned on than you could ever remember being, feeling safe and content in Mason's arms as he loved on you but as soon as his fingers tried to travel up to your chest you felt yourself go stiff.

‘What’s wrong sweetheart?’ He breathed, pulling back and laying you down so he could caress your cheek softly. ‘I told you, If you’re not ready I can wait’

‘No it’s not that’ you reassured him. Knowing you had to be honest with him even though you were absolutely terrified and knew you’d sound insane to him. ‘I don’t… I don’t look the same as I did back then, you know? I’ve got a mum tum and stretch marks and-‘

‘Stop talking’ he interrupted, kissing you heavily before pulling back to look you in the eyes. His face serious, causing you to gulp heavily before he started to speak. ‘All that stuff that you think you have, doesn’t matter to me. I’ve loved you this whole time, do you really think I care if you’ve got a tummy now?’

‘I don’t know’ you shrugged, feeling a little silly now he was spelling it out to you like this.

‘You carried my baby, do you not know how sexy that is? Do you not realise how horrically turned on I am just by the fact I was the last person to have you and now I get to have you again? You're so bloody beautiful and all I've wanted to do is worship you, you know? Kiss every single inch of you so no I don’t give a fuck if you look different cause you’re still my girl’ he reassured you, the words making your eyes sting but his cheeky smile let you know he wasn’t done making you feel better. ‘I’ve changed too you know’

‘Yeah, I've seen. You’ve gone from a teenage boy to a Greek god’ you laughed. Watching his face turn bright red but you knew he was trying to laugh it off as that’s not exactly what he was talking about. ‘I’m kidding. New tattoos too huh?

‘Yeah my collections grown a bit since you last saw it’

‘Can I see?’ You whispered and you melted at the way his face softened.

‘Of course you can’ he smiled, helping you up so you could get settled in front of him with your back to his chest before pulling his sleeve up to reveal his new collection. You’d seen pictures and a few flashes when he wore short sleeves but getting an up close and personal tour like this was overwhelming. Even more so when he removed his top to show you the dates just under his pec and his champions league trophy. ‘Oh and there’s one on the back of my neck too’

You were quick to get up and crawl around to see it and even though you had no idea what it meant you thought it looked sexy as hell.

‘What does it mean?’

‘Expect the unexpected’ he laughed and you couldn’t stop the smile stretching across your lips.

‘Fitting’ you giggled, gently reaching out so you could trail your fingers over it delicately. Watching his hair stand on end before you placed your lips to his neck and you felt him tense as a shuddery breath left his lips.

Mason was the king of physical contact and you weren’t sure if it was because he couldn’t see you but you knew you needed to hear that sound again so you pushed all thoughts out of your head as you carried on kissing him there. Feeling him melt into you as his breathing began to change and you knew you were turning him on you just hadn’t realised how much.

Within a flash he’d pulled you back round and into his lap. Hitting you with a bruising kiss whilst holding your face and you moaned into each other's mouths until you’d had to pull apart to catch your breath.

‘You know, you’re not the only one who’s got new tattoos’ you smiled bashfully. Watching his eyebrows raise but his eyes darken and you knew he wanted to see it right away so you carefully peeled yourself away from and laid down slightly on your side. Thankfully he followed suit and laid next to you and you watched as his eyes followed your fingers as you pulled the hem of your shirt up to reveal the left side of your ribs.

You heard a small gasp as soon as he’d seen it. His fingers reaching out to touch the small drawing that sat on your side just next to your boob and you knew you were covered in goosebumps from his simple touches. Feeling him trace the lines before his gentle voice broke the silence.

‘What is it?’

‘Sweet peas, Thea’s birth flower’ you told him. ‘It’s meant to look like a mother and a daughter, she’s the little one’

‘It’s so beautiful’ he told you. His voice sounding more emotional than it had a moment ago but you were too shy to look at him. ‘I wanted to get something for Thea but this blows all my ideas out the water’

‘Why don’t you get the same then?’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, why not? It can be for the both of us’ you winked, watching his face soften as his eyes went back to looking at your side.

‘For my girls’ he whispered and the lump in your throat kept you from speaking. ‘So Thea’s a sweetpea, yeah?’

‘She is, and you’re a snowdrop’ you told him, watching him laugh but before you knew what was happening you felt his lips pressing featherlight kisses to the spot where your tattoo was. Your skin being covered in goosebumps almost immediately and even though his lips felt like heaven you felt yourself squirming around a bit, causing Mason to pull away from you.

You felt silly but it wasn’t just the fact your body had changed since he’d last seen it but also the fact the last time he saw you naked was the last time anyone saw you naked. What if you’d forgotten what to do? What if you were rubbish? ‘Im sorry Mase, I’m just nervous. it’s been a while’

‘I know, and I promised I’d take care of you, didn't I?’ He reassured you, moving you onto your side so he could look at you properly and the sincerity in his eyes melted you.

‘Yeah’

‘You know, I still remember how you like it’ he whispered, lips on your neck as he squeezed your waist and you could feel your insides quivering as he turned you on even further. His hands reaching round to grip your bum and you gasped before his lips landed on yours again, stealing the breath from your lungs.

When he laid you down on your back, you felt the panic rising inside you even further but you let him take off your shirt. Flopping back onto his bed to try and relax yourself but it was no use as you still weren’t feeling confident no matter how he was looking at you. Eventually covering your body with your arms as you avoided his eyes but you could tell he was starting to get unsure so he laid down in between your legs. Resting his head on your hip so he could press a few kisses there but you were as stiff as a board

‘Hey, it’s alright’ he whispered, reaching to the side to grab your shirt again before sitting you up and helping you put it back on but his lips were on yours before you could say anything back. ‘We don’t have do anything’

‘No I want to’ you pouted, crawling over and into his lap and your heart thudded at the adoring way he was looking at you. ‘I’m just a bit overwhelmed, you know? I wanna do all that stuff with you I just…’

‘You wanna keep your top on?’ He laughed, tickling your sides as he kissed your cheek and you nestled yourself into his neck.

‘For now yes’

‘What else can I do? To make you more comfortable’ he asked your eyes filling with tears at how thoughtful he was being. ‘We could dim the lights a bit lower, make it all romantic’ he teased with a smile. ‘Or just turn them out all together’ he offered, but you liked the sound of the first option.

‘Can we dim them?’ you whispered. Letting him jump up and dim the lights until they were barely on but you felt yourself relax instantly. Watching him come back to you slowly so he didn’t hurt himself before laying himself down next to you so you could face each other.

Clearly you were still too far away for Mason so he shuffled impossibly closer, his hands resting on your waist and you reached up to cup his jaw and pull him into a kiss immediately whilst tangling your legs together.

His hands began to wonder up and down your body until they dipped under your shirt. This time you let him carry on and the feel of his hands on your skin was like no other so when he finally got a hold of your bum you moaned into mouth which gave him a chance to trap your bottom lip between his teeth.

The next thing you knew he was pulling your thigh up and hooking it around his body, squeezing your flesh before his fingers danced across your core over your underwear and the sensation made you gasp into his mouth.

‘This okay baby?’

’Yeah, keep going’ you told him. Grinding your hips down so you could ride his thigh but he knew exactly what you wanted. Moving your underwear to the side so he could slip his fingers between your folds and the moan the left your lips was no match for the growl that left his.

‘You’re fucking soaked’ he breathed. Lips attaching to your jaw as he circled your clit and you could have almost cum on the spot from a mix of his touches and dirty words. Overwhelmed by everything about him but mostly the way he really had remembered how you liked it. Soft and slow to get you going but ready to give you his all when you were ready. ‘You want my mouth baby?’

‘Uh huh’ you told him, letting him push you onto your back so he could slowly move down your body.

It was crazy how much turning the light down gave you a heap loads more confidence but the ability to feel him better helped too. You could still make out his eyes and the shape of him but being able to let go of everything like you were doing felt amazing. Only matched by the first flick of his tongue that practically turned you to liquid.

You’d forgotten how good he was with his mouth. That was the one thing that stood out to you when you’d had sex the first time and you let him have his way with you as that familiar feeling travelled down your spine and into the pit of your tummy.

He didn't give you a second to recover when you reached your high and you couldn’t exactly blame him. Still just as needy for him and when you felt his tip at your entrance you turned to jelly.

He was easing you in slowly. Making sure you both got into a comfortable rhythm but you knew he was holding back as the moans poured from his lips so you moved your hips in tandem with his in hopes he’d speed up and thankfully he did. Giving you his all until he suddenly came to a halt but he kept himself inside of you.

‘Why’d you stop?’ You breathed, trying your hardest to make out the look on his face but it was a bit too dark to see.

‘Cause if I didn’t then it would have been over for me’ he chucked. Your face heating up as you caught onto what he was on about before he nestled his head into your neck. ‘You’re worried that I won’t be attracted to you anymore but I literally can’t control myself. This is what you do to me’

‘Don’t blame me’ you giggled but Mason was in the mood to tease you even more.

‘Oh but I will’ he uttered, lips dancing across your neck. ‘I’ve been waiting so long to have you it's like I can’t wait to get to the good part’ he laughed and even though you were still a little terrified you desperately wanted to see his smile. Thankfully you could just about reach the lamp on his bedside table and with one touch of its base the room was suddenly bathed in soft light.

It took you both a few beats to adjust to the light but as soon as you had you watched his eyes flash down to where the pair of you met before looking back up to your face.

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, feels even weirder not being able to see you’ you laughed. Sitting up ever so slightly so you could attempt to pull your shirt from your body and thankfully Mason helped. His dark eyes all over you as you laid yourself back down but you were reaching up to pull him down for a kiss soon after.

‘You’re insane’ he whispered against your lips. Letting his own travel down your body so he could kiss over your chest whilst his hips began to move again and you knew you’d be done for soon.

Getting to watch him as he made love to you was something you didn’t realise you needed until right now. Watching his muscles dance under his skin as he moved turned you on more than you thought it would but Mason couldn’t take his eyes or lips off of you until the pair of you were over the finish line and he collapsed on top of you gently.

He was paying attention to every single part of yourself you’ve always tried to ignore. Kissing over the slightly faded purple lines on the sides of your tummy and chest and paying attention to all your lumps and bumps. Whilst only a few moments ago the thought of Mason seeing you fully naked terrified you, you took comfort in his touches and let him explore you as he’d wanted to for months.

‘You know your body is perfect, don’t you?’ He told you quietly but in the silent room his words hit you hard. ‘Like I think I’m even more attracted to you now. You’re so soft and smooth and like you grew a whole ass human in here’ he laughed. Hand resting in your tummy. This time you didn’t want to push him off though. ‘Not just any human either, our human who’s just my favourite person and I’m so bloody grateful for you like I can’t even explain it but you’re perfect and I’m gonna tell you everyday. Even when you finally believe me I’ll still tell you cause I never want you to forget’

‘Oh, Mase’ you breathed, your bottom lip wobbling as his words sunk into your skin but he was quick to kiss your tears away and hold you close to his body. Letting you know you were safe and feeling more content than you ever had.

-

‘Mummy!’ You suddenly heard being shouted from down the hall. Thea’s bounding steps following her shouts and you quickly jumped away from Mason just in time for her to find the pair of you.

‘Hey sweet pea, did you have a good nap?’ Mason asked, picking her up and sitting her on his knee and she cuddled herself into him straight away whilst nodding. ‘That's good. Listen, Uncle Lew is coming to visit next week and he wants to know if he can come for a sleepover just the two of you. You’d like that, right?’

‘Yes please’ she nodded enthusiastically, clapping her tiny hands together in delight and the quick wink Mason sent your way gave you butterflies.

Mason promised he’d figure it all out and book everything he needed to for the pair of you and as it grew closer to the day he was getting more handsy by the hour. The pair of you still couldn’t do anything about it though, Thea kicking up a right fuss unless she was in between the pair of you and you felt like you were about to burst but you pushed through knowing you and Mason just had to be a little more patient.

When the day finally arrived, you spent your morning getting yourself ready whilst Mason was at training and as soon as you’d picked Thea up from nursery you got set to making her and Lewis their favourite snacks for them to eat that evening whilst you were away.

‘Where are my two favourite ladies’ you suddenly heard Mason call through the house. His voice getting louder as he walked towards the kitchen and you turned the hob down so you could give him your full attention.

It only took a few seconds for him to appear. Rounding into the kitchen with a huge smile on his face but it was the big bunch of pretty pale pink carnations that your eyes went to next.

‘Well, here's one of them’ he smiled, placing the flowers on the side so he could pull you into his body and leave a heavy kiss on your lips. ‘You alright?’

‘I’m fine’ you chuckled, letting him pull away so he could grab the bouquet and hand it to you. Your cheeks heating up instantly and you could tell he was laughing at you a little bit. ‘What are these for’

‘No reason, just saw them and realised I haven’t bought you any in a long time. I know these ones are your favourite’ he winked and you felt yourself blush deeper.

‘Thank you, Mase. They’re beautiful’

‘Not as beautiful as you’ he whispered. Capturing your lips again in a heavy kiss but you couldn’t deepen it too much as the sound of Thea running into the kitchen made you pull apart.

‘There’s my other favourite girl’ Mason cheered. Bending down to her level so he could pull her into a hug and soon enough he was lifting her and settling her on his hip before reaching back over to where he’d placed your flowers originally.

You didn’t see them at first, too caught up in Mason to notice whatever else was going on but when he reached for a smaller bunch of the same flowers he’d gotten you, you felt your eyes well up.

‘Here you go, baby. Couldn’t leave you out huh? Got you some to match mummy’s’ he told her. Handing her the small but perfect bunch and you could have melted on the spot. Thea’s eyes going wide as she took them from him before she got shy and hid her face in his neck but you could see her smile from a mile away.

‘I’ll find you a nice vase Thea, we can put them next to mine if you like’

‘Yes please mummy. Thank you daddy’ she giggled. Holding onto them tightly as Mason walked her over to the sink and helped her arrange them in the little vase you’d found before carrying them into the sitting room to live next to yours. Thea following behind with her bright smile ever present at the fact she had her own flowers from her favourite man.

Lewis turned up shortly after and she was quick to show him her flowers that she was very proud of. Letting the pair of you quickly put a bag together and once you’d let him know their dinner was ready in the fridge you were ready to head off.

You tried to ignore Lewis’s silly smile as he waved you off with Thea at the doorstep but you knew you were blushing which Mason only made worse as he attacked your face with kisses before backing out and onto the street.

‘So where are you taking me then, Mount?’

‘Got us our own place for the night. Thought we could make dinner together and chill for a bit like we used to’ he told you. Popping his hand on your thigh so he could give it a gentle squeeze and the coy smirk he sent your way made your insides flutter.

The apartment he booked was at the top of a high rise with far reaching views over Manchester and as soon as you were in and settled he was pulling you out onto the balcony. A bottle of something sparkling in an ice bucket and you watched him carefully pour you a glass before handing it over.

‘Wow Mase, you’ve gone all out huh?’

‘Only the best for you’ he winked. Raising his own glass so you could toast before taking a sip. ‘C’mere’ he whispered. Pulling you into his body gently so you could hold each other whilst looking out at the view.

The discussion turned to how the pair of you couldn’t believe you were finally on your own again for the night and how you hoped Lewis could convince Thea to sleep in her own room but standing in Masons arms as you looked at the sun setting made you feel at peace and you were glad you got to spend this time together.

‘With how quick we managed to make Thea I’m surprised there's not another one on the way’ Mason joked suddenly, fingers tickling your sides and you had to hide your head in his neck before your mouth seemingly ran away with you.

‘Is that what you want?’ You asked, noticing him squeezing you a little bit tighter before he tilted your chin up so your eyes met.

‘Another bestie? Of course. I definitely think it’s on the cards for us in the future. You’re like the best mum in the world, of course I’d wanna have more kids with you’

‘Well if I’m the best mum then you’re definitely the best dad’ you told him. Trying to deflect away from his sweet words but he just scoffed at you to try and deflect himself.

‘Not sure I believe that’

‘Why not?’ you pouted, not liking the way he didn’t believe he was good enough.

‘I just wish I was around more, you know? Yeah it’s great getting to do the fun stuff but nothing makes me happier than the normal stuff. Like coming home to you two and seeing how happy Thea is to see me. Bed times and bath times every day like that’s the stuff I wanna do’

‘Mase, you know Thea thinks the sun shines out your arse right?’ You laughed, causing him to giggle as he kissed your forehead gently. ‘I know that’s the stuff you wanna do and I know it’s not possible to do it every day but Thea knows you give her everything you can and that’s what makes you the best dad’ you told him sincerely, noticing how emotional he’d gotten about it and you knew you wanted to make him realise he had nothing to worry about. ‘You know when I knew you were gonna be the best dad ever?’

‘When?’ he laughed, fingers smoothing the back of your hair and you felt yourself melt at the gesture

‘When Thea had just been born and we were staying with you. Remember that night I just lost it? Like I completely broke down and thought I couldn’t do it?’

‘I remember’ he sighed. ‘Broke my heart seeing you like that I just wanted to make it all better for you’

‘Well you basically did, you were the only reason I was able to keep going’

-

You knew being a new mum would be exhausting but it was really starting to get to you now.

You were just under two months into being a new parent and whilst overall Thea was a good baby she was starting to struggle to sleep at night and in turn you had started to lose your head.

You had been staying with Mason so you could share the responsibilities and help each other out but it was a critical part of the season so you didn’t want to bother him too much so you’d bore the brunt of most of it lately. Thea slept with you in your room so Mason was always well rested for training and games but he’d been away for a few away games meaning you had to look after Thea completely your own for a little bit.

It had all got too much for you one night though. Thea wouldn’t stop crying and at this point neither could you. Holding her to your chest and walking her up and down your room in hopes she would settle but nothing was working and you’d tried everything.

You weren't expecting the door to suddenly fly open and Mason to be looking back at you a few moments later. He was meant to be away until the morning and you only started crying harder at the sight of him as you buried your face into the side of Thea’s so he couldn’t look at you. A feeling of shame suddenly taking over you that he’d seen you like this as you wanted him to believe you could do this.

‘Hey, what’s going on?’ He asked sympathetically but you were in no state to answer him right now. Letting him pull the pair of you into his chest for some comfort and even though you were embarrassed you felt yourself relax knowing you weren’t on your own anymore.

‘She’s won’t settle down, she won’t sleep so neither can I and she won’t stop crying’ you sobbed into his chest and you felt him squeeze you that little bit tighter and place a kiss to your head.

‘Its okay, love. Come on, let's sit down’ he told you, walking you over to the bed and sitting next to you ‘pass her here, yeah?’ He whispered, taking Thea from you and resting her on his chest before tucking you under his other arm. ‘It’s alright, don’t get upset. I’m here to help now. What do you need?’

What did you need? A shower? Food? Five minutes peace and quiet?

‘I don’t know, my heads all over the place’

‘Why don’t you hang out in here for a bit, yeah? I’ll take Thea for a while and you can have a sleep or a bath or whatever you want. Have you eaten?’

‘No, I wanted her to settle down first’

‘Okay well I’ll go make you something-‘

‘You’ve only just got back, Mase’

‘Exactly, I’ve been sitting on my arse for hours’ he joked. ‘Just let me take over for a bit and you can have a rest, okay? No arguments’

You reluctantly agreed. Letting him know you were probably going to take a shower and with a quick kiss to your forehead he was walking out with Thea comfortably in his arms.

‘Hi baby, have you been a good girl for mummy? Yeah? I think you’re lying’ he teased as he rounded out the door and you felt like crying all over again at how good he was with her.

You spent way longer in the shower than you intended to but it was needed and you felt a lot fresher when you got out. Falling asleep for 20 minutes on top of your sheets before you got changed and met Mason downstairs who was sat on the sofa with Thea’s head cradled in his hand. Her body laid across his arms so she was outstretched and they babbled together in the language only they could speak.

‘You need to teach me your ways’ you told him softly, frightening him just a little before he sent you a smile as you took up a seat next to him.

‘Babies are like dogs, they smell fear’ he laughed She knows you’re tense so she’s probably a bit on edge too. Why don’t I take her into my room tonight so you can get some sleep?’

‘I have to feed her at midnight, it’s fine I got it’

‘You sure?’

‘I promise. And I feel a lot better now, thank you’

‘Okay well if you need me at all just come and get me please? You’re not on your own remember’ he told you. Repositioning Thea so she was cradled in his arms before wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into his side.

‘I know Mase, thank you’ you told him. Your eyes stinging slightly but you held your tears back as he kissed your forehead and looked back down at Thea still asleep in his arms.

‘It’s okay. You’re not superwoman and no one’s expecting you to be’ he whispered but all you could do was nod. ‘I’ll have her all of tomorrow, yeah? I've missed the little pickle and you need a break so i'll take her out and you can have the day to yourself’

‘What if someone sees you?’

‘I’ll take her to Chilly’s, he’s been moaning at me all weekend that he wants to see her so you can have the house to yourself’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course’ he confirmed and with one final kiss to your head he rested his cheek on the crown of your head. ‘There’s food in the microwave for you’

‘Thanks Mase, for everything’

‘It’s my job as Daddy’ he laughed, squeezing your shoulder gently as you laughed along with him and you knew it that moment you’d always be fine.

Once you’d been fed and it was getting late, Mason walked you to your room and got Thea settled in her cot before saying goodnight. Letting you know he was just across the hall and you could come and get him at any time but you didn’t want to disturb his first night back in his own bed.

Thea woke up 15 minutes before she was due her feed and you used that time to give her a little talking to. Letting her know that you were the mummy and you were in charge but you knew she had no idea what was going on. Babbling and gurgling away like usual and when you finally got her in your arms to feed, she wouldn’t latch on properly and you could feel yourself getting more anxious but the second.

‘Come on Thea, be good for mummy please’ you whispered, trying to relax back into the headboard as much as you could and even though you were trying your hardest not to cry, as soon as she began to sob you couldn’t hold it in anymore. Crying as quietly as you could as you tried to get her to settle again until a few taps at your door snapped your head up.

‘Y/n? Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah’ you croaked, sounding more upset than you intended to and you felt your bottom lip wobble and you tried to hold yourself together.

‘I’m coming in okay’ he told you gently and you only had a second to cover yourself before he was carefully pushing open the door and making his way over to the pair of you. ‘My girls are all upset again huh?’ He smiled as he sat in front of you on your bed and you gave him a half hearted smile as you nodded your head. ‘What’s wrong, love?’

‘She won’t feed, I’ve been trying to get her to latch on and she won’t do it’ you told him quietly. ‘The harder I try the more she won’t do it and-‘

‘It’s okay, it’s okay’ he interrupted. Placing a hand on your arm as you looked up into his kind face. ‘I’ll help, yeah?’

‘I don’t know-‘

‘Y/n, you have to let me help you remember?’

‘I know it’s just..’ you trailed off. Looking down at your chest but Mason seemed to be able to read your mind.

‘If you’re worried about me seeing things, you know I’ve seen it all before right? That’s kinda why we’re sitting here with a crying baby’ he joked and you couldn't help but give him a smile but as you attempted to pass Thea over so Mason could feed her, but he stopped you in your tracks. ‘Keep hold of her, just move forward a bit’

You did as he said, moving away from the headboard but the last thing you were expecting was for Mason to slide in behind you and rest your back up against his chest. One hand settling on your waist whilst the hand that was on the same side as Thea he brushed against her head softly. Clearly Mason really did want to help and not take over and the thought made your heart thump.

‘Just relax okay, you got this’ he told you, lips closer to you ear than you realised before he was slightly leaning his head over your shoulder to talk to Thea who was still crying in your arms. ‘Hey little one. I thought we spoke about this earlier. You’ve got to be good for mummy so she can feed you. You’ll feel a lot better if you just let her and then no ones gotta get upset, huh?’ He spoke to her, massaging her head softly and as the moments went by she started to calm down.

‘Now, we’re gonna all relax and take a deep breath’ he told the pair of you, the smile in his voice evident as Thea looked back up at you both with wide eyes. ‘We're gonna go again, okay? But we’re gonna be calm this time. We’re gonna lean back a bit’ he told you, pulling on your shoulder gently to get you to relax back into him and you followed his lead until you were completely resting against him. ‘And you’re gonna open that mouth nice and wide for me Thea, that’s it, that’s a good girl’ he encouraged, tickling her cheek before you attempted to help her latch on.

It still took a few tries, Thea still having a mini strop each time but with Mason's reassurance in your ear you didn’t want to give up and soon enough Thea was feeding away peacefully in your arms.

‘There we go. I knew you could do it Mumma’ he whispered in your ear before resting his chin on your shoulder so you could look down at Thea together. A wave of emotion hitting you harder than ever before and even though you took a few shakey deep breaths in you felt the tears spill over from your eyes.

You knew Mason knew you were crying when he pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder and then to your temple. Wordlessly trying to let you know it was okay and you were doing well but you still felt like a failure. You should be able to feed Thea on your own but lately it felt like you couldn’t do anything without Mason's help and it was starting to really get you down.

When Thea was finished you covered yourself back up before you attempted to wind her and once she was done she was growing sleepier by the second.

‘Can you just take her a sec? I just need to pop to the loo’ you told him. Carefully passing Thea to him so you could run to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water to calm down.

By the time you returned, Mason was laid on his back with Thea asleep on his chest as he stroked her back lightly. Him offering you a soft smile that you returned but you weren’t quite sure what to do next until he opened his free arm out to you and you knew he was asking you to come and lay with him.

You shouldn’t have felt as awkward as you did, before Thea was born the pair of you often found yourselves cuddled up so you could talk about the future but with the way you were feeling about Mason right now and the way you felt about yourself had your head in a spin. The comfort of Mason was the only thing on your mind right now though so you laid next to him. Head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around your waist and when you opened your eyes you saw you were practically face to face with Thea who’s tiny hand was reaching for yours.

You smiled as she gripped your pinkie, her eyes falling heavier until she was sleeping peacefully on Mason's chest and the three of you stayed there quietly for a while.

‘Penny for your thoughts?’ Masons whispered, wanting you to express how you felt but even just the thought of talking made your tears come back thick and fast.

‘I’m really trying my best but it’s all going wrong. I’m not good enough-‘

‘No no no, I won’t have that’ he told you gently before pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. ‘Things will be tough sometimes but you’re never not good enough, okay?’

‘Okay’ you whispered but it wasn’t enough for Mason for you to just agree with him.

‘Tell me, tell me you're good enough’ he laughed whilst squeezing your side and you couldn’t stop the giggles from spilling over.

‘I’m good enough, Mase’

‘I know you are. You’ve been looking after her solo for a few days and you’re probably just exhausted. Everything seems worse when you’re tired but I’m back now and you can have a proper rest okay?’

‘Thank you’

‘It’s alright. We’re a team, remember?’ He told you before looking back to Thea. ‘Gonna whip this one into shape tomorrow’

‘I think she’s just tired like I am. It’s been a rough few days’

Without another word, Mason quickly untangled himself from you so he could place Thea in the cot next to him before turning back to you. Arms wide and he invited you into his body and without a second thought you cuddled yourself into him.

You needed a big fat ugly cry and you knew he knew you needed it too so when he wrapped his arms around you, you let yourself go. Basking in his warmth and comfort as you cried yourself to sleep.

-

‘I remember waking up next to you in the morning and you were so embarrassed’ Mason teased and and you rolled your eyes at him playfully.

‘Well yeah, I spent all night crying into your chest, I thought you’d think I was mental’

‘Of course I did’ he laughed, but before you could say anything back he was back to being sweet. ‘But I loved you then, and I love you now and I told myself I’d always take care of you. If that’s what you needed back then, my shoulder to cry on, that’s what I was going to be’

‘I love you too’ you whispered. Face breaking out into a wide smile as you watched his face soften before dropping a soft but delicious kiss to your lips.

‘I don’t think I can wait till after dinner’ he told you, hands trailing down your back until he got to your bum where he gave it a cheeky pinch. ‘We’ve got all night right? If we start now it’ll give us time to recover before we go again’

‘You’re terrible’

‘And you are too sexy for your own good’ he winked. Kneading your bum gently and you felt your legs go weak.

‘Go in, I’ll come find you in a sec’ you told him and with a final kiss and a gentle tap on your bum he let you go. Leaving you on your own so you could look out over the skyline and thank your lucky stars you ended up where you always wanted to be.

Thank you so much for reading 🩷 I’d really love it if you could leave me some feedback and met me know what you think 🥰

[riddles-n-games]

Here's a random list of headcanons to remind you that the TIG characters are human aka Not Their Finest Moments.

Avery gets up with frizzy hair and hates dealing with it so she usually braids it before bed.

Libby has made some bad bang decisions before like cutting them too short or trying the side layers.

Xander has been known to forget he has a thousand cables everywhere and trips over them on his way to the lab.

Grayson’s hair gets easily greasy so he has to wash it often.

Nash nicks his face several times when shaving.

Jameson is terrible at tongue-twisters.

Thea thinks she’s too much of a girl boss sometimes and decides to do a bold lip with a blouse on if she forgot to do makeup before getting dressed. Long story short: it doesn’t end well.

Max likes to pick at hangnails and often regrets it as she pulls too much skin.

Xander sometimes has too many scones in one sitting which leads to multiple trips to the bathroom in short succession.

Nash sometimes buys the wrong size hat but instead of returning it, he will stubbornly wear it until something wears it down.

Avery bites at her lip when she is feeling nervous or finicky and sometimes bites it at a weird angle that makes it hurt.

Libby loves slushies but forgets that she can’t handle them well so every summer, there’s too many incidences of brain freeze.

Jameson has long bangs so he has to swipe at them and in school he had to tie them back for labs.

Grayson forgets to keep his underwear and socks in better secured drawers which unfortunately means Tiramisu easily gets into them, leading to many mismatched socks and soggy boxers.

Max has had too many cases of accidentally closing the door with too much force after a fight with her parents.

Rebecca has gotten papercuts from books and gets real emotional at finding pages with dogears (except in school textbooks; chemistry can SUCK IT).

Avery is pretty good at opening jars but unfortunately there are times when she can't open it and is too stubborn to admit it so when Jameson takes it to open it, she mutters, "I could have done that." when he coyly smiles.

Jameson has the occasional days where he can actually sleep like a normal person and when he does, he sleeps in late and when the stupid alarm goes off, he may have missed the phone a few times and so it rings for hours on end until he wakes up.

While working on his bikes, Nash occasionally has the unsavory motor grease shooting out at him.

Grayson has stubbed his toes multiple times passing by certain tables and dressers in his room but refuses to move them because the current set up looks pErFeCT according to the stubborn man.

[thedeviltohisangel]

Fall For A Shooting Star//Cassian Week 2024: Day Three, Family

a/n: a fluffy little thing of cassian and his mate and their baby boy. a glimpse into the domestic life of this little romance i am working on for this week! there are plenty of opportunities to take this in so many different directions and hopefully i can circle back to them and make them all come to life. if you have any ideas, please shoot them my way xoxo

previous part

The cool night air soothed not only the babe in her arms but caressed her skin into comfort as well. Her silk robe was falling off her shoulder but she was too preoccupied to fix it. Jace, born only a few days ago, was restless. Too interested in seeing the moon or hearing his mother’s voice or waiting up for his father to even think about falling asleep. He was already an endlessly curious babe. Seemingly afraid to close his eyes and miss even a moment of what the world outside his mother’s womb had to offer.

“You can close your eyes, little one. I promise papa will say goodnight to you when he gets back.” Jace was quiet and for that Thea was thankful. So many of the babes at Windhaven had wailed through the night and many of the females she’d met at the new mother group in Velaris looked like they hadn’t slept in years due to the crying of their children. She hadn’t prepared for her son to be so quiet. He didn’t like to sleep but he didn’t make a sound with his discontent for it. “Did your Uncle Az teach you the benefits of being so quiet already?” She smiled and kissed the top of his head, gently rocking her hips back and forth on one of the House of Wind balconies. 

With timing that was spectacularly perfect, the silhouette of bat wings appeared on the horizon. Cassian looked like he had been launched from a cannon, anxious to be reunited with his small, little family, but pulled himself to a graceful halt at the edge of the property and descended onto the balcony with nothing more than a light bounce to his feet. 

“Is he asleep?” he whispered as he nearly tip-toed over to his mate and son. Thea shook her head.

“He likes both his parents to be under the same roof before he can sleep for the night,” she reasoned as her lips welcomed his kiss. His hand gently rested over hers where it was rubbing gentle circles onto Jace’s back. The combined warmth of his parent’s touch and the love they projected began to droop his eyes into sleep. 

“Let me get him settled, my love, while you steal however much of the blanket you wish for the night.” Thea scoffed as she gently transferred the babe to the crook of Cassian’s elbow. 

“I don’t steal anything. I just use the half that I am naturally entitled to.” She loved nothing more than burrowing into bed under a pile of blankets. More than once Cassian had come home late to nothing more than the top of her head poking out from underneath. “Everything was okay at the camps today?” He had wanted to delay his inspection of the war bands until everything with Jace was in its routine and Thea was back to full health. But Az had relayed to him an increase in discontented rumblings and Rhys hadn’t stopped him. He knew they had held the information back as long as possible to ensure Cassian’s presence for the birth of his son and for as many days after as possible. For them to be breaking the spell of eternal love and happiness he’d been living under, he knew it had to be bad.

“Nothing that can’t be fixed.” He kissed his son’s head and smiled as his tiny wings twitched. Cassian would do whatever it took to earn his son’s pride in being Illyrian. Jace would learn of his parent’s past; the loss of his mother’s wings, the loss of his grandmother, the way his father fought and clawed for every scrap he ever had. But he would fight with that same tenacity to right the wrongs of their culture. So his son could stand proud amongst his people one day. And lay claim to them in a way Cassian always had but they had never accepted him for. 

“I love you, Cass. No matter what.” No matter what you have to do to keep our son safe. No matter what this world might make you become. Because no matter what, I know exactly who you are to me. To our son. My mate. My husband. The father of my child. A good friend and an even better brother. 

“You are my everything, Thea. I love you endlessly,” he answered out loud.

“That’s good. Our lifespan together is projected to be quite long,” she offered as he followed her back into their bedroom. “I’d hate for it to be miserable for you.” She climbed into bed and watched Cassian gingerly place their son in his cradle, a kiss to his fingertips pressed gently against the babe’s skin before he began the process of removing his leathers.

“Impossible for me to be miserable when I’ve got you two waiting for me.” He stripped bare, Thea wishing the ache between her legs was something other than the painful reminder of birthing a babe with wings, and walked to her side for a quick kiss. “A quick dip with some soap and I’ll be back.” She nodded and admired his backside before the door to the bathroom shut so the light and sounds wouldn’t disturb Jace. 

When Cassian emerged only a few moments later, there was no blanket on his half of the bed. And only a pair of eyebrows and a forehead could be seen under the mound of fleece. 

He smiled. Nothing could make him happier.

@cassianappreciationweek

[deeppenguinstudent]

"I saw the way you looked at him just now."

Jean glanced up from the glass of whisky that laid perched in his hands. It was heavily dilated and tasted more like soda than alcohol - the slight sting in his throat was nauseating, but it was a much needed precaution lest he ended up inebriated out of his mind in some dingy alleyway.

Thea Muldani cracked him a toothed smile before slipping him in the bar stool next to him. She flagged the bartender and requested a strong liquor that made Jean's lip curled up in disgust.

"Oh, don't look at me like that, Paris," she strummed her fingers rhythmically against the wooden countertop, "This entire season has got me beat."

"Your captain, again?" Jean mulled as he saw Thea take a swig of her drink.

Thea grumbled under her breath, "Yeah, fucking misogyntic piece of shit."

Thea was a formidable defence; everyone and their mothers knew that in the Exy world. She was a bitch to work around and an even greater nuisance when she'd lock in on opponents. Besides her, no one else was notable on the pro team she played with. Her captain, a narcissist who yearned for the spotlight to be on him solely, had derived her down to media presences and nugatory photoshoots. He did this in the facade of promoting females in male dominated sports when all it really did was wear her down to a prissy, pompous doll that made the media scrutinise her every move.

She had called Jean numerous nights cursing into the phone while she had to miss yet another game to entertain a distinguished individual who'd not pay attention to a word she said about the love of her sport. Instead, she would receive inane questions about her sex life and grit her teeth in response everytime.

It takes back Jean to the days when he was interviewed about his whorish tendencies rather than his progress with the Trojans.

Jean gulped down the rest of his drink.

"Whatever, it doesn't really matter," Thea hummed non-committally, "In a few years, you and me will be playing neck to neck against other countries. I'll just play the perfect princess he wants me to be before crushing his dreams of ever joining the international team. I'll even send him a signed photo with a gold medal around my neck as a little 'fuck you' present."

Thea cackled at her own joke while Jean snorted lightly at her antics. God, he'd missed her.

"You sly vixen," Jean raised an eyebrow at Thea's accusatory finger being pointed at him, "Making me talk about my problems so I blindside the palpable tension between you and Day."

Jean's body froze; he whipped his head to discern the frame of Kevin listening to some random dealer talk his ear off. He looked bored, but when he met Jean's eyes - his green eyes flickered with an unruly amount of desire that made Jean feel faint.

"There is nothing between us," Jean replied, almost systematically. His neck crawled with goosebumps as he still felt Kevin's stare on them.

Thea gave him an unimpressed look.

"You know you can't lie to me, Paris." Thea drawled on playfully, but they both know there's an indisputable amount of truth in that statement alone.

[notgonnaedit]

Healer's Love

Paths Unknown

Summary: Six months after Eriadu, the remainder of the squad struggles to be whole as they fight for their right to be a family.

Pairing: Bad Batch x Teen!OFC (clones being good brothers/dads)

Chapter summary: In an attempt to get information, what remains of the Batch find themselves needing the help of abandoned cadets.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, jungle survival, Half-Life headcrabs, the freaking Flood from Halo (If I miss a tag LMK)

Masterlist

Tags: @hugmekenobi @nottwonerdy777

@dreamsight73 @delicioustacocollector

@covert1ntrovert @clonethirstingisreal

Althea sat in the cockpit, her legs kicked up on the controls and her torso leaning forward. "You sure you can't come sooner?"

The ARC on the other end sighed. "I'm sorry, kid. Me and Rex are about to head out."

A ghost of a smile passed on the medic's lips. "Lemme guess: top secret?"

Talking to Echo every so often was the only thing she had to look forward to.

Echo chuckled. "Yeah." A beat of silence passed before his gaze met hers again. "How are you holding up?"

Althea glanced away. "Some days are harder than others," she admitted, allowing her walls to come down for a moment. She scowled and furrowed her brows. "Hunter's a pain in the ass."

"He does that sometimes."

" Hunter still treats me like I'm a kid. I turned eighteen a few months ago. They left me on Pabu for a week!" The ebony haired girl snapped quietly. "I thought something happened."

​​​​​Echo hummed. "Back during the war, the Republic would send out grief counselors when volunteer troopers were KIA."

"I wouldn't need one," Althea huffed.

A muffled voice said something behind Echo. The ARC sighed before turning back to the teen. "I have to go now. Take it easy on Hunter, Thea. He's just a stressed as you are. You might be ‘legally’ an adult, but your still a kid to us."

Althea smirked barely. "I'm older than you."

Echo smiled. A real, genuine smile. "Yeah. Alright, be safe, kid."

With that, he ended the transmission and left Althea on her own. The girl stared at where his hologram was just moments ago, stalling before standing up to go to the cockpit.

The doors slid open for her, revealing Hunter and Wrecker talking about something. Althea didn't care.

"Echo said he and Rex need two rotations before they can meet us at the coordinates," she told them.

Hunter pinched the bridge of his nose and stood. "That's not good enough. We're going now." 

He moved to go to the cockpit, but Wrecker grabbed his shoulder. "Hunter," he started solemnly, "the last time we stormed an Imperial base without backup, not all of us made it out."

Hunter continued to the cockpit, walking past Althea.

"Omega's been waiting for us a long time, Wrecker." Hunter sat in the pilot's seat and brought the ship out of hyperspace. "I'm not making her wait another day." Althea hated that she agreed with him.

                        •°•°•°•°•°•°• "It smells like rancid Jotaz out here," Wrecker stated as they stepped out of the ship.

The jungle planet they had landed on had the smell and heat of a swamp. Golden sunlight filtered in through the dense trees.  Althea missed her old mask, but her hood would have to do for now.

Hunter clutched the datapad in his hands. "There's nothing on the scanners."

"The Empire could be jamming our sensors," Althea reminded him.

They began to move through the jungle. Althea's feet slid under the wet moss that coated the forest floor. She slipped at one point, catching herself just in time.

"Careful, Thea," Hunter said.

An annoyed huffed left her as she stood. "I got it."

The tracker worked nimbly through the jungle, Althea and Wrecker following his movements. They came to a cliff that overlooked a base. But the facility was destroyed and overrun with foliage.

"Oh, no," Hunter breathed.

Althea's heart dropped into her stomach. "That's Hemlock's lab?"

"They destroyed it," Hunter said. "Another orbital bombardment."

Wrecker spoke up, his next words heightening Althea's mounting dread. 

"But Omega. I-I-If she was here–"

"We don't know if she was." Hunter smacked his binocs into his brother's chest. "The Durands' intel could be wrong. Let's get down there and check it out."

They made their way back down the hill, dodging roots and vines to avoid tripping. Then, Hunter stopped suddenly and held up his arm. "We're not alone."

Two kids dropped from the trees, one on each side of them.

"Freeze!" One ordered with a spear.

The other, holding some spear-like weapon said, "Drop your weapons."

Wrecker barked a laugh. "Blaster beats stick, kid."

These boys, they had dirt on their faces and were wearing torn clothes. They looked younger than Althea, and had deep earthen eyes.

"Wrecker, they're regs," Hunter said.

"And who are you?" The boy with the strange weapon asked.

Hunter and Wrecker pulled of their helmets, and Althea flipped down her hood.

"We're clones. Same as you," Hunter assured.

The first boy – the one with the strange spear – frowned. "You don't look like clones."

"They must be 99s," the second boy deduced. "Defectives."

"Defective and effective," Wrecker chuckled.

Althea glanced between the two, a question forming on her tongue. "What are you two doing out here?"

"What's it look like? Surviving," Boy 1 said. "Or trying to. No thanks to the Empire."

Boy 2 narrowed his eyes. "They send you to finish us off?"

"Do we look like we're with the Empire?" Wrecker gestured to their battered and custom armor.

Boy 2 glanced at his companion before asking, "What do you want?"

"We're looking for a young girl," Hunter answered. "She's a clone. We think she was sent to the lab here."

Boy 1 hummed. "Never saw anyone like that, but Mox might know about her."

"He won't talk to them," Boy 2 interjected.

"Please," Hunter said, the crease in his brow deepening, "we have to find her. She's part of our squad."

Boy 2 glanced at Boy 1. "Stick to the trail.  Follow our steps. And don't touch the vines."

Hunter and Wrecker slipped their helmets back on, and Althea her hood, as they followed the boys.

"When the Empire transferred us off Kamino, we thought we were getting more training," Boy 2 told them. "Instead, they made us prisoners. Took samples of our blood."

"Why?" Hunter asked. "What was the Empire doing here?"

"Whatever they wanted."

"At least we escaped before they destroyed the facility," Boy 1 added.

"And you survived alone out here ever since?" Hunter questioned.

"We're soldiers," Boy 2 reasoned. "Or we were supposed to be."

Althea's blood boiled. She wouldn't put it past the Empire to abandon kids, but what did that mean for Omega?

"Stop," Boy 1 ordered to Wrecker.

"What?" The demo man asked.

Althrs turned to see a large vine. It was chittering and moving on it's own! "Wrecker, behind you."

"Run!" Boy 2 cried.

Wrecker turned and fired at the plant, elicting a screech from it.

"Don't fire!" Boy 1 said. "It gets hostile when you shoot."

"You mean it's not already hostile??" Wrecker asked.

He fired.

"No!" The boys cried.

The squad back up against a tree as the vines grew closer. Wrecker yelped as one grabbed him from behind, tying him to a tree.

Althea turned toward him. She grabbed her knife from her thigh and rushed forward, running up the tree and slicing the vine before gravity over took her.

After getting cut, the vines shrieked and pulled away.

"Come on!" Boy 1 ordered. They all ran a long time before stopping to catch their breath.

"What was that stuff?" Wrecker asked.

"Slither vines," Boy 1 panted. "The Empire made it. It's some kind of experimental weapon, until they lost control of it."

Boy 2 huffed. "Probably why they ordered a Base Delta Zero on their own facility."

Boy 1 stood up straight. "We'll be safe on the crag. The slither vines haven't spread there."

Boy 2 rolled his eyes. "Yet." He pointed his spear at Wrecker. "And this time, don't touch anything."

The demo man's eye roll was audible. "Yeah, yeah."

                 •°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

The boys lead them to a small overhang filled with their meager belongings. An older boy sat there, poking at a small fire.

"Mox," Boy 1 said.

Mox stood, narrowing his eyes at the new faces "Who are they?"

"Clones. And a volunteer. We found them by the overlook."

"It's quite a place you got here," Wrecker said as they took off their helmets.

"What do you want?" Mox asked, his tone more curious than hostile.

"We're looking for a young girl," Hunter answered. "She was taken by an Imperial named Hemlock. Her name's Omega."

Mox hummed as he took a seat. "Never saw a girl around the lab. But I know Hemlock. He was in charge until things changed. One day, the Imperials started packing up and shipped out. So we made our move and escaped."

"We were the only ones who made it out before the orbital bombardment," Boy 1 said softly.

Boy 2's gaz let was hard. "Even the clone troopers left us to die. Said they were following orders."

Althea found herself becoming empathetic towards these boys. "We get it. We've lost people too."

"We can take you to someplace safe," Hunter added, "but we need to find out if Omega was here or where Hemlock took her. There has to be some intel in that base."

"One of the control room panels was still intact during our last scout." Boy 1 stood. "I tried to use it to send a signal, but there was no power."

"Can you take us there?" Hunter asked.

"No way," Boy 2 interjected. "That area is covered in slither vines. It's toxic."

"Stak's right," Mox agreed as he stood. "Going near those ruins is a suicide mission. You're on your own."

Boy 1 – Althea was starting to feel bad for calling him that internally – turned to the older boy. "They need help, Mox. I'll go with them."

He grabbed two masks from a crate and moved to leave.

"You know the risks of going down there," Stak said as he stood.

Boy 1 paused for a single moment before moving on, the squad on his tail.

                   •°•°•°•°•°•

After grabbing Gonky from the ship to power control panel, the cadet – who had introduced himself as Deke – showed them the entrance to the base. He had given Althea a mask to filter out the toxins in the air.

Vines and trees covered it. The way in was dark and deep, like an open mouth waiting to swallow them up.

"There's slither vines everywhere in there," Deke warned. "Be careful where you step."

On cue, Wrecker stumbled. His balance was off due to carrying Gonky on his back. "Whoa!"

As Deke led them through, Althea's senses were put on high alert. The drips of water, creaking of the facility, and the warbles of the slither vines did nothing to help her jumpiness. "How much further is the console?" She asked.

"Hard to tell," Deke answered. "More vines have spread down here. We had to stop scavenging the site because of it."

"What other experiments were going on in this place?" Hunter inquired.

"Nothing good. They didn't exactly tell us what was going on."

Althea furrowed her brow. Even if Omega wasn't here, she could be enduring the same treatment that these boys had. The thought made her pick up her pace.

Suddenly, Hunter whirled around. He shone his light on the ground, glancing around. He was tense. He sensed something.

A scream came from Deke's direction. Althea turned to see slither vines pulling him away like a spider does a fly.

Hunter jumped up and cut the vines, kicking their severed limbs away as Wrecker caught Deke.

Althea shone her light on the remains. It moved. "Hunter..."

The tracker followed her gaze to the twitching plant. It jumped up, now a creature with three little legs. More appeared behind it.

"Go!" Hunter yelled. Althea didn't need to be told twice. 

The party took off running, blasting at the little creatures. "Keep moving!" Someone yelled. Althea didn't know, just that she wanted to get away.

Eventually, they came to an area where the floor broke off and there was an open roof. Below was a bubbling, green bog that reeked like rot.

"I didn't think it could smell any worse," said Wrecker, "but I was wrong."

"We're in agreement on that," Hunter stated.

Deke shone his light around until it landed on a piece of metal that looked somewhat decent. "There's the console. Come on."

They made sure to follow Deke's movements perfectly. None of them wanted to fall into the bog. 

When they reached the console, they worked together to shove a sheet of metal out of the way. It sank into the murk.

"Alright. Do your thing, little guy." Wrecker plugged Gonky in and the panel whirred to life.

Hunter connected the datapad to the console. He paused, glancing behind them. "Something's coming. We need to make this quick."

"Is it more of those things?" Althea asked.

"No. Something else."

Deke looked up at Hunter. "I'm familiar with the system. Give me some time. I'll see what data I can pull up."

After giving the boy the datapad, Hunter and Wrecker moved out a few steps to intercept the creature that was coming. Althea remained by Deke's side, but was on guard.

The bog gurgled and the metal creaked. It was as if the base was alive and angry at them. 

Then suddenly, out of the bog, a giant slither vines erupted. Blasters were Immediately firing at it. More appeared, roaring and screeching. 

Deke grabbed his comm and yelled for help from his brothers. 

"Time's up!" Althea told the boy. "Get the datapad!"

Deke grabbed the device as Wrecker grabbed Gonky. They jumped across the metal, avoiding the goop as the slither vines attacked.

They managed to make it outside, but a river of muck stopped them. The vines were closing in. Althea looked behind her and saw a piece of metal floating down. They jumped on it.

Giant vines shot out from the bog. They blasted at them the best they could, but they just kept coming.

"It's everywhere!" Deke cried.

Then, like light from heaven, the Marauder shone down on them. Althea looked up. 

Those little wamp rats tried to steal our ship!

Mox stood on the ramp, lowering the cables. "Grab the cables!"

Wrecker and Deke were up first, shooting as they were pulled up.

The piece of metal began to sink. Althea kept shooting at the vines.

"Althea!" She heard Hunter yell.

The medic turned to see the tracker grabbing onto the cable with one hand, already a few feet up. 

Althea ran for it, jumping and catching his wrist. She kept blasting at the vines, but they just wouldn't stop. They wrapped around the ship, threatening to pull it down. 

From the bog, a mouth lined with sharp teeth appeared. A plant sarlaac that was going to eat them.

"We need more firepower!" Hunter yelled.

Wreckee dropped a thermal detonater into the creatures mouth, but the explosion was miniscule and did nothing.

"That's not enough!" Althea yelled.

"Grab the case of explosives," Wrecker ordered the boys.

Mox and Deke came out with a large crate and shoved it off. The contents poured into the creature's mouth. Deke took a thermal detonater and dropped it in. Once it exploded, the creature shrieked in pain and let go of the ship.

The squad clambered inside as fast as they could. Stak was in the pilot's seat.

"Go, go, go!" Hunter ordered.

Stak flew off into the atmosphere, jumping them into hyperspace.

                  •°•°•°•°•°•°•

Hunter looked at the datapad, reviewing the data solemnly. His gaze shifted to the cockpit, where Wrecker, Althea, and the boys were recounting their adventure. The ebony haired girl stood with her arms folded, smirking lightly.

She had trusted Hunter during their mission, yet she was still angry with him. She was a soldier who knew when to put feelings aside, and Hunter hated it.

The tracker looked back down at the datapad. He couldn't delay any longer. He stood and walked to the cockpit.

"I've been going over the data," he said. "Looks like Hemlock transferred his entire base of operations to another location. His experiments too."

"Did the intel say where he went?" Mox asked.

"There was a mention of a sector but nothing more," Hunter sighed. "It's a lead, but we've got a lot of space to cover."

Wrecker hummed. "Well, if that's where Omega is, then that's where we're going."

The tracker nodded, glancing back at the boys. "We'll drop you three off someplace safe."

"Where?" Mox asked.

"An island," Althea answered. "There are good people there. They'll take care of you."

Mox furrowed his brow. "We're cadets without an army. I don't know where we fit anymore."

Hunter took a step forward. "You have time to figure it out. Make your own path. Be something other than a soldier."

"What about you?"

"Our mission is not over yet." Hunter felt Wrecker's hand on his shoulder. He glanced at Althea. Her golden eyes were dull, but they still held a firey determination.

Mox raised his arm halfway, holding it out to grip. Hunter did the same, squeezing his hand. It was a clone's way of expressing solidarity, of saying, "Best of luck. I have your back."

<-Previous

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[vanfleeter]

Matched: Chapter 2 - The Postcard

*Please read the warnings below*

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Thea Warnings: 18+. Language. Angst. Anger. Yelling. Jealousy. Dark thoughts. Talks of death/suicide. Crying. Smut. Mentions towards sex. Unprotected sex (p in v). Oral sex (f receiving). Fingering (f receiving). Fluff. (please let me know if I have missed anything so I can add to the list) Author's Note: I couldn't wait, but now I have to force myself to wait until this coming Sunday to share the third chapter.

*If having read the warnings and you feel uncomfortable, please do not continue on*

We had fallen asleep there inside the boat, entangled with each other. I didn’t mind it though. The bed was comfortable and the bedding was heavy enough to keep us both warm as the pole barn grew colder overnight.

I held her close as she slept beside me. It feels so right having my arms wrapped around her. She smells like a perfect mix of sex and apples. The apples must be her shampoo. Curling tighter around her body, I pull her as close as I can to mine. I can see her cheeks rise and she smiles and I press my lips to the back of her neck. I trace the curves of her collarbone and up the expanse of her neck. Her cheeks rise even higher as I drag my finger over the line of her jaw.

Soon she turns over and smiles up at me. “Good morning.” She says.

“Good morning.” I say back with a smile. “Are you hungry? I could cook us something in the house.”

She shakes her head and buries her face into the side of my neck. “Not right now..” I hear her mumble against my skin.

“Then what do you want to do?” I ask while I trace my fingers up and down her spine. “I don’t mind laying here all day, but our bodies will need sustenance soon.”

She smiles against my neck and pulls away. “Make love to me.” She says.

“I don’t have another–” I begin to say. That condom was my last one, truthfully.

She shakes her head. “I have an implant.”

“You do?” She nods her head and rolls onto her back.

I stroke myself a few times to get myself hard again before I nudge her legs apart. I rub my tip through her folds, shuddering slightly at the feel of her. I look back into her eyes looking for permission to continue and she smiles and nods her head. Slowly I push myself inside of her. The friction between us feels incredible as I brush against her walls with every inch that I can reach until I’m completely bottomed out. “Damn..” I mumble as I rest my head on her chest. Feeling her completely felt like a whole different world. Still with my head resting on her chest, I make slow and intentional thrusts. Turning my head I leave soft kisses along her skin. I kept the pace at a slow one, taking my time to be with her. I’ve been unsure of how long I had with her.

I wanted to make this last because, what if she leaves today and things just stay as they are and we don’t move forward? What if after this morning.. What if this is it?

I hadn’t realized that I had fallen deep into my thoughts until I felt her tap my cheek. “Jake?” She softly speaks, resting the palm of her hand against the side of my face, cupping it. I lifted my head, my eyes meeting hers. “Are you alright?”

I pull out of her, already mourning the loss of contact. I lay out beside her on the bed, my eyes fastened to the ceiling above us. “Thea..” I finally speak. “I don’t want to do this if it means you’re only going to leave..”

I feel the bed move as she comes closer. Her delicate hand rests on my chest. “I’m going nowhere,” She says.

“You mean it?”

“I do.” She leans over and presses her lips to mine. “Now I’m hungry..”

I can’t help the snort that escapes me. “Come on..” I say as I push myself off the bed.

–

We couldn’t really keep our hands off of each other. Okay.. Mostly me. I can’t help myself. I finally have her and I don’t want to waste a single moment not touching her.

I have my arm wrapped around her as I toy with her pussy. She’s bracing herself against the counter top of the kitchen island, knuckles turning white as she rides out her orgasm on my fingers. “That’s my girl..” I whisper into her ear as I kiss the skin behind it.

She leans back against me, her head resting on my shoulder. I gently sway our bodies from side to side. “Can we do this every time we have breakfast?”

I chuckle and kiss her cheek. “As you wish..”

I feel her smile as she turns around to face me. Her beautiful, doe eyes look at me, full of such wonder. I could get lost in her eyes and never want to find my way back. She’s my siren and I will gladly follow her to the deepest depths of the ocean. Let her take my soul, claim it. Own it for eternity. Dramatic? Sure. But is it the truth? Always.

“What are you thinking about?” She says through a giggle.

“Your eyes,” I say, never breaking contact with her irises.

Her eyes squint just a little as her smile grows. “My eyes?”

I nod my head. “They’re beautiful.” I say. “Especially when the sun shines against them at the right time.”

“And why is that?”

“You remember those root beer candies?”

“Mmhmm..”

“And when you’d hold them up to the light, they had that perfect golden, brown glow to it?” She nods her head, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. I reach for her hips and press her body against mine. “That’s how your eyes look. They have a golden, brown glow to it and I find that beautiful.”

“But not perfect?” She pouts her bottom lip and I smile.

“Of course it’s perfect.” I lean in and press my lips against hers. “Everything about you is perfect.” She rolls her eyes, not in the way I could make them roll, but rolling them nonetheless. “Don’t do that,” I say, staring her in her eyes again. “There is nothing about you that I won’t find perfect.”

I grind my hips against her naked center, pushing my robe away from her body. My hardened length rubs against her folds. Her head falls backwards as she leans back against the counter and her eyes flutter closed as she sinks her teeth into her bottom lip once more.

“Jake..” She moans. “Please..”

I roll my hips again before pulling away and sliding down my boxers, freeing myself. I stroke myself before I hitch her leg up and around my waist and slowly push myself inside of her. She whines, letting her head fall back even further. I thrust inside of her, pumping gingerly before picking up the pace.

The robe comes undone from around her chest, exposing her breasts as they bounce with each thrust. “Oh god, Jake.. Right there, baby..”

“Yeah?” I slide my hands up her body, cupping each of her breasts in my hands. “Do you feel good?”

She eagerly nods her head as she claws at the counter tops, in search of something to hold on to. Letting go of her breasts, I grab hold of her legs and pick them up and bending them closer to her body as I thrust even deeper inside of her. She lets out this animalistic moan.

I feel her walls clench around my cock, her breaths growing ragged. I keep up my pace, bringing us both closer to our climaxes. “Touch yourself.” I find myself demanding. Her hand creeps in between her legs and her fingers begin toying with her clit, rubbing it in circles and pressing harshly. Her walls clench around me again and I find myself cursing loudly as I spill inside of her. She’s following right behind me, her own release covering my cock and mixing with my release.

I stay buried inside of her as I gently lower her legs and lean over top of her. “Definitely doing this every morning.” She says, her eyes never leaving the ceiling.

I burst into laughter before carefully sliding out of her. I grab a washcloth and wet it before cleaning off my length and folding it over to clean her center.

Helping her down from the counter, I notice her legs shake a little. She shoves me away when she catches me snicker. “Come on, let’s go wash up.”

“Uh, Jake?”

I turn back to face her. “Yeah?”

“I’m going to need help up the stairs.”

Walking back over to her, I scoop her up into my arms and I carry her up the stairs and into my bedroom. Setting her gently on the toilet, I reach around the shower curtain and turn the faucet letting the warm water spray down from the shower head. We spent the next thirty minutes washing up before retreating to the bed.

There wasn’t love making or heavy sex this time around, just hands touching each other’s bodies as our tongues wrestled. Her skin is soft, it feels unreal. It’s like silk against the calluses that cover my hands. I know I don’t deserve her. I’ve done nothing to earn her love but here she is, pressed against my body allowing me to hold her, to have her.

“Jake..” She says as she tries pulling her away. She giggles as I pull back to me. “Jake, as much as I want to stay like this, I really should go get clean clothes.”

“I have clothes,” I say as I kiss her neck. “You can wear them.” I continue kissing her neck, slowly drawing her back in. But alas she pulls away again and pecks my lips before climbing off my lap. “Please don’t go..” I plead. “Please..”

Thea gives me a sympathetic look. “I promise I’ll come right back–I can’t live in your clothes forever.”

“You could.”

She smiles and pecks my lips one last time before spinning around and grabbing the robe off the door handle. She slides it on and ties it around her waist, securing it so it covers everything, and skips out of the room.

Falling back against the pillows, I exhale sharply and throw my arms back behind my head. She comes back to the room, not even ten minutes laters, fully clothed and leaning against the doorframe. “Enjoying the view, are we?” I say, flashing her a grin.

“Very..” She laughs. “But I need a favor..”

“And how ever can I help?” I say, sitting up in bed.

“Can you drive me to my place?” She asks. “I mean–I could walk, but that’s at least four miles and I’m too lazy.” Chuckling, I nod my head before dragging myself off the bed and to my dresser to get clothes.

I’m going to her place. I’ve never been to her apartment before. With being Sam at the time, and then I taking off to sail around the world, there never seemed to be a reason for me to ever be over at her place.

Leading me upstairs to her apartment, I watch her as she fishes in her purse for the keys and pulls them out to unlock the door. Pushing it open, she steps aside to let me in. “Uh, just make yourself comfortable. I shouldn’t be long.” She says as she hangs up her purse and kicks off her shoes.

Glancing around her apartment, I come to notice how simple it is. Everything has a place for itself. Pictures line the wall, mostly family. Family that I’ve never met. Will I ever? My eyes land on a photo, one I’ve never seen before. One that must have been taken while I was gone.

Sam has his arms wrapped around her, as they both smile gleefully at the camera.

I tear my eyes from it as I hear her come walking back down the hallway.

“I’m ready.” She says as she smiles at me.

I smile back, pushing the thought of the photo out of my mind. “Shall we?” I say extending my hand.

Arriving back at my place, I carry her bag upstairs for her. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I set her bag on the bed and pulled my phone out of my pants pocket. Josh’s name flashes on the screen. An instant smile spreads across my face. I hadn’t spoken to Josh since I got back, so seeing his name again fills me with happiness.

“To what do I owe this call from you, brother?” I say as I answer his call.

His chuckles sound through the phone. “Still on that Oliver Reed shit, I see.”

I laugh. “His spirit resides within me,” I continue with the bit before changing back to my normal voice. “It’s good to hear your voice again. Been a while–though seriously, what is the reason for you calling me?”

“Sam..” Josh says with a tone that suggests he’s not entertained with what he is about to tell me. “He came up with this new riff, apparently, and he wants us all to come over–maybe add more to it. Claims it could possibly land on the new album.”

New album. I hadn’t been back home long before I’m already being pulled back into the reins of the band. Though I’ve had a long enough time away, and I do miss the band, the music, and playing for thousands of people, I’m not quite ready to dive straight back in. But to see my brothers again, to play music with them, I wouldn’t pass that up. It was one of the things that I have missed.

“Give me ten minutes and then I’ll be on my way.”

“Sounds wonderful,” Josh says gleefully. “Bring everything, I have a feeling that it’s going to be a long day.”

“That sounded like a cheery phone call,” Thea says as she walks over.

I put my phone away and unzipped her bag. “Sam came up with a new riff, wants us all to come over to try to add more to it. Thinks it might end up on the new album.”

“New album?” She says curiously. “Diving back in already?’

I shrug my shoulders and pull out her clothes from her bag. “Slowly, I hope.” I say with a small twinge of a smile tugging at the side of my lips. “I have space in my closet for you to hang these up, so they don’t wrinkle.” I take the empty bag and carry it to the closet. “I’m gonna get ready while you put everything away and then we can leave when I’m done.”

She nods her head and kisses my cheek. “Don’t take too long, you know how impatient Josh can be.”

I chuckle and nod my head. “Unfortunately, I do.” I say as I pull her in for a kiss. “I promise I won’t take long.” I grab a shirt off of a hanger and a pair of pants before going off to the bathroom. I’ve already showered, so there isn’t much I have to do.

I was in the middle of buttoning my pants when Thea stepped up into the door holding a postcard in her hand. A worn postcard. One that I haven’t seen in months since my time spent in Spain. I felt my heart plummet to my feet, or rather my stomach, I felt like I wanted to vomit.

My love travels far to wherever you are. I hope you think of me, because I think of you. Things did not turn out as I hoped they would be. But there is not a thing I can do. Is there?

I knew the words all too well. Remembered them as if they were seared into my brain.

“Where did you find that?” I ask.

“It fell from one of your shirts when I was hanging up my dress–I accidentally brushed against it when I turned…”

“I never wanted you to read that.” I say. “I should’ve burned it when I had the chance to.”

Her eyebrows pull together and her hands drop to her sides. “But Jake–”

“I was in a bad state when I wrote that..” I say.

“Bad state? Wh-What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I say as I finish buttoning my pants.

“Jake, I-”

“Please, just.. Let it be..”

“But-”

“Thea!” I shout and slam my hand on the sink’s counter. I inhale a shaking breath, clenching my jaw and rolling my fists into balls at my sides. “Just listen to me, please,” I say as calmingly as I can. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve dealt with it, it’s in the past.”

“Jake, it was dated six months ago..”

“Thea, stop pushing this–pushing me. You don’t know anything..” I step up to her and rip the postcard out of her hands before tearing it into pieces and tossing it into the trash and storming out of the bathroom.

All that time that I worked so hard to get rid of, to push out of my head, just comes flooding right back up the drain. I was right when I said that I should’ve burned that postcard. I never should’ve kept it. I don’t even know why I did it.

I feel bad for yelling at her, but I needed her to stop. I wanted her to let it go. I didn’t mean to yell, it just happened.

As I sit there on the edge of the boat in the pole barn with my legs dangling over the edge, I’m back on the calm waters of the Pacific, watching the sun setting. The postcard is clutched in my hands as I stared aimlessly at the horizon and the sinking sun. That’s how I felt. Just like the sun, sinking. Drowning.

I knew I had to let her go. Knew that she didn’t belong to me in that moment. That she might never be mine. I’ve said this before that I was selfish, hoping and wishing she’d be mine. If she wanted to be with Sam, then I’d let her. If he truly loved her, then I’d let him. I’d move on and forget all about her.

Aside from the music, there was nothing else tethering me to this world, to this life.

Stuffing the postcard into the pocket of my shirt, I slide the sleeves off of my shoulders and chuck the shirt behind me onto the boat. Standing to my feet, I grasp hold of the rope that is pulled tightly to keep the sails upright. The wind blows through my hair, the gentle breeze feeling like her silk skin brushing over my shoulders.

Just do it. The little voice inside my head says, nudging me closer to the edge.

A gust of wind tips the boat, causing me to lose my footing. I slip off the edge, my grip falling from the rope. I slide off the edge of the boat, grasping for anything to grab hold on it. My hand finally grips onto the metal pole on the side of the boat. My body slammed into the side, scraping against the ladder. I knew I was cut when the salt water touched my rib cage causing immense stinging.

I managed to pull myself back up into the boat and fell onto the deck, with my heart pounding in my chest and my breathing ragged. The sunset skies high above me, taunting me in reds and oranges. I hadn’t moved from that spot, even when the skies turned dark and the stars started to appear.

Just the tiny sliver of me still held hope, that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way as I did for her.

Had she stopped me in Florida all those months ago, had she come up to me, I wouldn’t have had those thoughts. But I know I can’t hold the blame over her for my own selfish actions. I know better than that. I just wish now that she would have come to me.

I hear the door to the pole barn squeak open and I look over to see Thea slowly step in, her eyes carefully watching me as if I were going to explode on her again. Climbing down from the boat, I walk over to her and gently reach for her hand. I place my lips upon the top of her hand, giving her a gentle kiss before I hold it between my hands.

“I’m sorry,” I say, resting my forehead against her. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“I’m sorry I pried..” She says. “I promise I wasn’t–”

I shake my head, interrupting her, “There are some things you should know–and it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I’m not ready.”

“Well,” She holds my hands and presses them to her chest. “I’m here when you are ready.” She says. “Now come on, we should get going. I’m sure everyone is waiting.”

–

“Yes! The prodigal brother returns!” Danny jokes as he throws his arms onto the air. They come down and fall around my shoulders, pulling me for a hug. “It’s great to see you–I missed you while you were away.”

I chuckled, hugging him back. “Yeah sure you did,” I joke. “I saw post after post–always at a party, Mr. Social Butterfly.”

Danny laughs and pats my shoulders. “Well what else was I supposed to do while you embarked on your journey?”

Josh was the next one to greet me. “Even though we just talked on the phone, I still want to hug you.” He laughs before throwing his arms around me. It felt good hugging him again. I had missed having him by my side at every waking moment. “It is great to have you back home.”

“I hope you worked on your film while I was away,” I say while we still hug. “I told you to.”

“Well,” Josh sighs and pulls away. “I did..” A sly smile spreads on his face. “It was thrilling! The script was amazing, by the way. Everyone loved it. We got it all done within six months and it’s finally out of post production. I think the studio wants to submit it to a film festival in New York.”

“That is all incredible!” I exclaim as I playfully shove Josh. “So while Danny was out partying and doing god knows what else, you actually filmed a movie.”

Josh eagerly nods his head. “Oh and she,” Josh points in Thea’s direction and flashes me a smile before continuing. “She helped out a lot with this process. Mostly in makeup but she made everyone look gorgeous. I keep asking her to be our makeup artist but she keeps declining.”

She beams a grin at him. “I didn’t decline, I said I’d think about it.”

Josh chuckles. “Nonetheless, she was fantastic.” He then pulls me off to the other side of the living room, saying he wants me to read over some of the lyrics he had conjured up over the last few months.

I notice Sam walking over to Thea and greeting her with a small hug. “I see ditching you two at the bar worked out,” Sam winks as he nudges her side.

She smiles. “You could say that.”

“Alright, are we going to do something or are we just going to stand around?” Danny says before drumming a little.

The melodic sound of my guitar flows through the void, filling my ears and wrapping around my body like an invisible hand that guides me through the dark. I sit there on the floor, in front of the fireplace and strumming delicately on my guitar. A notebook is open in front of me as I chew on a pencil between my teeth.

I stop playing and lean forward, pulling the pencil from my mouth, and jotting a few notes on the paper. “Did I wake you?” I ask, noting Thea’s presence in the threshold of the living room. “Come here..” I beckon, still keeping my back turned facing her as I continue to write in my notebook.

Her feet move, pulling her deeper into the living room. Bending down on the floor, she sits down beside me. “Can’t sleep?” She finally says.

I nod my head. “Tossed and turned so much I feared that I would wake you..”

“So you came down here to play?”

Again I nod my head. “Clears my head–which then makes it easier for me to sleep.”

“It sounds beautiful,” She says. “A little chilling, but beautiful.”

I smile a little. “Until it gets switched to the SG, paired with Sam’s bass, and Danny’s drums, then it’ll sound electric–no pun intended.”

“And what about Josh?” She asks.

I chuckled and wrote a little more into my notebook. “Somehow he’ll write lyrics that sound just as haunting as the music but yet when he sings it, it’ll sound uplifting and beautiful, even if the words suggest a deeper meaning otherwise.”

“Such a talented bunch.”

I smile again and lean back against the pillows that I had propped up against the coffee table.

“Is the fire a part of your cleansing?” She asks.

“Nothing like sweating out the toxins.”

She laughs and presses a kiss to my cheek. I turn my head to look at her. “You have bags under your eyes.” I say.

She rolls her eyes and I laugh. “Gee, way to make a girl feel beautiful.”

I lean over and press a gentle kiss on her. “You are always beautiful.” I say. “And besides, I’m pretty sure that I have some too.”

“Yes,” She says as she rests her shin on my shoulder. “Makes you look–”

“Watch it..”

“Or what?”

I hum, setting my guitar gently on the floor in front of me and I tug her onto my lap, forcing her legs to straddle my waist. I can feel the heat of her chest through the fabric of the worn t-shirt that she stole from my dresser. My hands slide up her waist and underneath the shirt and I push it up and over her breasts before pulling it off.

Slowly I lay her on the floor, on her back as I kiss her, and trailing them down her neck and to the valley of her breasts. I continue down her torso, swirling my tongue around her belly button. Dragging her underwear down her legs, I toss them away before spreading her legs.

I sweep my tongue through her folds and her back snaps into an arch as I insert a finger beside my tongue. She moans out into the air, reaching her hands down to my hair and tugging on it and I hum against her throbbing clit.

Soon I have her climaxing. Coming down from her high, she tilts her head downwards to look between her legs as I continue to lap up her release, not letting one drop be missed. Once I was finished, I helped her back up and rest her back in my lap.

“Jake..”

“Hmm?” I murmur, burying my face into the crook of her neck.

“What happened out there?” She asks, bracing for me to react the same way I did yesterday.

“Out where?”

“In Spain.. What happened?”

I inhale and turn my eyes to the fire. “This isn’t a conversation to be had at four in the morning..” I say.

“But I think it’s a conversation we need to have..”

I nod my head and kiss her shoulder, my lips lingering longer than usual. “You’ll look at me differently..” I finally speak.

“Jake, you said you were in a dark place,” She turns on my lap to face me, caressing my face in her hands. “Was it because of me?” I cast my eyes downwards, confirming her answer. When I look back up at her, I know she can see the tears filling my eyes. “Jake..”

“It wasn’t just…you..” I say, my voice trembling and my chin quivering. “I believed that I wasn’t good enough for you, I believed that I wasn’t good enough for anything–or anyone. I-If you didn’t want me–or love me–then who would?” She lifts her hand to my cheek and wipes away the fallen tear. “I felt like I was suffocating, being dragged down by everything.. And the date.. Written on that postcard–that was the day I contemplated ending it all..”

My heart beats fast in my chest. I had never spoken that aloud to anyone. I wanted to die. I believed I had nothing to live for anymore.

“I almost did–but not by my own hand..” I continue. “The wind, it was strong that day and it blew the sails, nearly tipping the boat over and—I slipped..” I sniffles and wipe the back of my hand over my nose. “I got lucky when I caught myself.. I may have cut myself in the process, but it kickstarted something in me said to just keep going.. Even if you didn’t love me back the way that I loved you–or if I wasn’t the best in my career.. So I gave you up, gave up trying to prove myself to everyone–” I take a breath. “And I thought I was over you, for good–until you showed up at the bar the other night and everything came flooding back.”

I reach for my hand and leave a gentle kiss on it. “I took my shot,” I continued. “And I’m glad I did.. I’ve never felt more alive than I do right now.”

I see her own tears so I reach up and swipe my thumb over her cheek, collecting the fallen tears and taking them away.

“I’m okay..” I say. “Because I have you.”

She smiles and brushes my hair back behind my ears. “You will always have me. No matter where you go, I go. I just hope you don’t get annoyed when I follow you so closely that you can feel me in your bones.”

I chuckle and roll my eyes. “I could never get annoyed.”

“Good, because you are stuck with me for eternity–however,” She pats my chest and leans a little ways away. “If you don’t take me out on that boat, then you can forget anything about a happily ever after.”

I snort and squeeze her ass in my hands. “I can take you out on it,” I say. “Pick anywhere in the world, and I’ll take you there.”

“Anywhere?”

I nod my head.

“Can we go to Brazil? I’ve always wanted to go to Rio.”

“We can go there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.. I’d take you anywhere that you desired to go.”

She snuggles back into my body, resting her head on my shoulder. “If you had to pick one spot that you traveled to, where would it be?”

“Greece,” I say with no hesitation. “It’s peaceful there and the waters are beautiful. I met this older woman there, she owned a shop with her husband, he makes hats–made me one,” I rub the pad of my thumb over her knuckles as I continue to tell the story. “The woman, she once asked if I loved anyone and I said yes, and she told me that if the love is real, I should hold tightly to it because soon life will go by and I’ll find myself old and with gray hair wishing for times like this. She told me not to waste a second of it or take it for granted, because we never know what tomorrow will bring.”

“Smart woman.”

“I thought so..” I move to sit up and grab the t-shirt to slip back over her body. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“Is your head finally clear?”

I smile and nod my head. “It is..”

After the fire was put out and I had gathered my guitar and notebook, we made our way back upstairs to the bedroom. I curl my body around her and press a delicate kiss to her cheek.

Opening my notebook, I hand it over to Josh. He reads through what I wrote the night prior. I watch as his eyebrows scrunch together as reads through each word. Usually I can decipher what his looks mean, we communicated that way for most of our lives. But today, he’s masking them pretty well.

“Seems rather dark, don’t you think?” He asks as he hands it back.

“Needed to clear my head, so I did. I wrote it all out.”

Josh turns ever so slightly on the couch to face me. “Are you okay?”

I nod my head, a smile spreading across my face. His face contorts, matching mine. “I am okay.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re in lo-o-o-ove!” He sings out. I roll my eyes and he laughs. “I’m so happy for you, and I am ecstatic that you’re finally with her. Don’t get me wrong, I thought she and Sam were cute, but–you and Thea have an epic love thing going on.”

“You’re such a dork.” I say, shoving him over.

He laughs and shoves me back. “I really am rooting for the two of you,” He says. “Especially after all you went through.. I want this for you–I want her for you.” He picks up the notebook again and reads over the words written on the page. “Still a bit dark but I think I can make something out of this. We could make it a bit more uplifting with the music side of it.”

“You honestly think we could use it?” I ask.

He nods his head. “I think we can.”

The door to the recording room opens and Sam steps through with Danny. “Woah, you two are here early.” He says. I quickly grab the notebook from Josh and close it before stuffing into my bag.

–

Coming home and parking the car in the driveway, I see Thea’s car parked there too. I breathe a sigh of relief and content before turning off the engine and going inside. She appears in the foyer from the kitchen, a smile spreading across her face. I smile back and stretch out my arms.

Hold me. Please just hold me. I plead within my head.

“How was your day?” She asks as she wraps her arms around my torso.

“It was good, actually..” I say, looking down into her smiling eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah..”

Thea smiles as she reaches up on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to my lips. Soon our kissing turned into a make out right there in the middle of the foyer. My hands roam underneath her shirt, holding tightly to her waist and pulling her in closer to me. Eventually we pulled away breathless, our foreheads pressed together.

“How was your day?” I managed to ask in between breaths.

“Could’ve been better. Sat in a meeting all day going over statistics and how we as a team can improve the company–basically all the boring Corporate America bullshit..”

Letting out a chuckle, I kiss her again. I pull away and bring her into the living room. “I want to let you know that the band has a few shows coming up,” I say as I go over to the drink cart and pour us a couple drinks. Turning back to the couch, I go ahead and sit down beside her where she’s perched on her knees with her elbow propped up on the back of the couch.

“So soon?”

I nod my head, handing her one of the drinks. “Apparently it was scheduled while I was away.”

“Are you ready to jump back into doing shows?”

I shrug my shoulders. “But it’s something I have to do..”

“Yes, but.. You still have a say in it–especially if you’re not ready to go back yet.”

“I know but… I’d be the only one not wanting to do the shows.. I can’t do that to them. Sam and Danny have been itching to get back out there and Josh, try as he might saying that he’s enjoyed the time off from the band, I know he misses it–I can feel it.”

I can see her nod her head in agreement beside as she lifts the glass to her lips to take a drink. “Then if this is going to happen–which it seems that it  is, I’ll be there with you, for all of it.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. I feel her open her mouth again but shuts it before pulling it away and taking another drink. I had the urge to ask her, but I knew not to push it so I let the silence linger as we finished our drinks.

It wasn’t until after going through more whiskey and wine that I had her spread out on my bed, begging for me to let her cum. “Jake, please!” She cries, tugging harshly on my hair and clenching her thighs tightly around my head. “I can’t.. Hold it..”

“Yes you can.” I taunt before pulling my tongue. Pulling her knees from around my head, I lean back on my own. Grabbing her legs, I pull her to me, resting her along my lap. My fingers are still wet with her slick so I plunge them back inside of her, rubbing circles into her walls and dragging my fingers in and out.

Her arms fall outwards on either side of her, her hands grabbing fistfuls of the sheets. Her back arches off the bed as her mouth falls open. The most obscene and pornographic moan emits from her mouth as her eyes squeeze shut and her knuckles turn white from tightening her grip.

“Jake!” She cries. “Please!”

Her walls clench around my fingers, signaling her impending orgasm. I think I’ve held her off long enough. “Okay, baby..” I say.

Just as the tidal waves crash against the shore, her orgasm crashes right into her and she’s soaking my hand and the bed sheets.

After cleaning her up, I get her into a warm bath. Her fingers trace lightly over my bare skin. I nuzzle the back of her ear with my nose and kiss her skin.

The thoughts settle back into my brain. The doubts, the wrong feelings. What if she doesn’t love me like I love her? What if she still loves Sam? Does Sam still love her? Am I doing the right thing? Is this right?

What if we rushed into this too fast? There was no first date. There was no me picking her up at her place, knocking on her door and taking her out to dinner. No.. I brought her back to my place and fucked her on my boat. No.. I didn’t fuck her, I made love to her. Passionate love. Love that I have been dying to give her, to shower her with.

Maybe I should do this the right way. Pump the brakes, just a little, and start from the beginning. I should ask to take her out, on a proper date. Buy her flowers and knock on her door. I should take her to a nice place, with a romantic feel to it. And then maybe bring her back here and make love to her.

No, stop it, Jacob. This isn’t about sex. This is about love. Loving her the right way. Loving her with all of me, my heart, my head, not my dick–which seems to be growing impossibly hard from the feeling of her ass pressing against it. Fuck, no.. Not right now.

“Thea?” I find myself blurting out. She hummed in acknowledgement and intertwined our hands together. “I think we need to talk..” I can feel her body tense so I lay a gentle kiss on her shoulder. “It’s nothing bad, I promise..”

“Okay..” She visibly sighs with a shaky breath. “What should we talk about?”

“Us..”

“Of course..”

I inhale and release my breath before continuing with the conversation. “I think we should hit the brakes for a minute,” Once again her body tenses. “I only say that because–and maybe I’m the only one–I think we jumped into this so quickly..”

“What are you saying?” She slowly turned in the tub so her body faced me.

“I would like to ask you out.. On a proper date..” I watch her as she nods her head before I continue. “I want to buy you flowers, and pick you up at your apartment. I want to take you to dinner.”

“So in other words, you want to slow it down just a little and just..date.” I nod my head. I can see the gears rotating in her head before she nods briefly, a small smile appearing on her face. “I would love that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” She says. “But if you’re gonna buy me flowers, they have to be daisies.”

“Daisies, huh?”

“Yes, they’re my favorite.”

“Daisies it is then.”

_______________________________________________________

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[cabesswtaer]

okay but what IF i said kevjean

specifically kevin leaving the nest

- @you-know-i-get-itt

then you would be right. (when are you not though)

“Never let them take the light behind your eyes”

that’s kevin knowing that jean loved him and knowing that he could never love him back romantically but still having so much fondness and affection for him as a friend (or whatever they were.. i feel like friends isn’t the right word)

“Never fade in the dark Just remember you will always burn as bright”

and this to me is kevin watching jean heal with the trojans ❤️‍🩹 (or when he visits jean at abby’s at the beginning of tsc)

“When I'm here, no longer You must be stronger”

this is kevin leaving the nest and knowing that all of riko’s rage would be taken out on jean

“So long to all of my friends Every one of them met tragic ends With every passing day I'd be lying if I didn't say That I miss them all tonight”

this is kevin to jean (maybe also thea?? MAYBE riko?? because he feels like he has to be loyal to him? basically just his old life)

[warningsine]

Old man yaoi this and old man yaoi that WHERE is my old yuri movies????

God forbid women get older and remain sexual beings.

Regardless of quality, the following films are about middle aged and elderly lesbian/bi/trans women (not all of these revolve around romance btw, many are documentaries):

Silent Pioneers (Short 1985), doc.

Nitrate Kisses (1992), doc.

Forbidden Love (1992), doc.

Last Call at Maud’s (1993), doc.

Not Just Passing Through (1994), doc

Tender Fictions (1996), Barbara Hammer's autobiography.

Murder and murder (1996), middle aged not elderly.

Late Bloomers (1996)

Between Two Women (2000)

Hand on the Pulse (2002), doc.

The Hours (2002)

My Mother Likes Women (2002)

Ruthie and Connie: Every Room in the House (2002), doc

Sunset Story (2003), doc

No Secret Anymore: The Times of Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon (2003), doc.

The Page Turner (2006)

Finn’s Girl (2007)

Ten More Good Years (2007), doc

Black./Womyn. (2008), doc

A Place to Live: The Story of Triangle Square (2008), doc

Hannah Free (2009)

A Horse Is Not a Metaphor (2009), doc

Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement (2009), doc

For 80 Days (2010)

The Owls (2010)

Gigola (2010)

Cloudbirst (2011)

Gen Silent (2011), doc

Out Late (2011), doc

Les Invisibles (2012), doc.

Mommy Is Coming (2012)

A Perfect Ending (2012)

Vic + Flo Saw a Bear (2013)

Tru love (2013)

The Passage of Time (2013), doc

Rebel Menopause (2014), doc

Before the Last Curtain Falls (2014), doc

Advanced Style (2014)

Female Masculinity Appreciation Society (2014), doc

Kate Bornstein Is a Queer & Pleasant Danger (2014), doc

Freeheld (2015)

Grandma (2015)

MAJOR! (2015), doc about Miss Major Griffin-Gracy

Stuff (2015)

Black Mirror: San Junipero (2016). Everyone has seen this one, I know.

The Pearl (2016), doc

Etage X (Short 2016)

The Personal Things (short 2016), animation about Miss Major Griffin-Gracy

Marguerite (2017)

Chavela (2017), a doc about Chavela Vargas.

Wild Nights With Emily (2018)

The Favourite (2018)

Happy Ending (2018)

The Heiresses (2018)

Love Letter Rescue Squad (2018), doc

A Great Ride (2018), doc

Obscuro Barroco (2018)

Monica – Loose on a Cruise (2018), doc

Two of Us (2019). A fave of mine. Deeply humanistic and touching.

Time & Again (2019)

Madame (2019), doc

So My Grandma’s a Lesbian! (2019)

Uferfrauen - Lesbian Life and Love in the GDR (2019), doc.

The Archivettes (2019)

A Month of Single Frames (2019)

Forgotten Roads (2020), doc

Naomi Replansky at 100 (2020), doc

T11 Incomplete (2020)

The Aerialist (2020)

Mama Gloria (2020), doc, Gloria Allen's story.

Rebel Dykes (2021), doc.

The Affair (2021)

A Secret Love (2020), doc.

Surviving the Silence (2020), doc.

The Mistress (2020)

Your Mother’s Comfort (2020), doc about Indianara Siqueira.

A Wild Patience Has Taken Me Here (2021), middle aged not elderly.

Genderation (2021), doc.

Nelly & Nadine (2022), doc about two women that fell in love in a concentration camp.

Sweetling (2022), doc.

All the Beauty and the Bloodshed (2022), doc about Nan Goldin.

Nyad (2023)

[jillsvalentinex]

Thea Greene was already well known within her district. At the early age of ten, she was known as 'the heart of district four'. Not only was she liked among her peers for her angelic personality, her angelic voice was what made her a mini celebrity. Every weekend the district would go out to her family's bar and watch her perform. It was the only thing that made them forget about the dreadful Hunger Games, and although District four was grouped in with the other career districts, that didn't mean the district wanted to be constantly reminded of them, and young Thea saw the gloom take over the people. 

The blonde always had a love for music as her mother and father owned a bar where people could perform to entertain the guests. It was her source of happiness, her salvation. It only became more of a need when she began performing. The sounds of the cheers and guests clapping was somewhat overwhelming, but the feeling that came with it was wonderful, almost addicting like some sort of drug. Her parents weren't initially fond of their youngest child risking their life by refusing to get any type of training for the Hunger Games since they didn't want to lose her, but they soon came to terms with it once she began helping at the bar. Her brother, Jace, on the other hand, wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to learn a few tips if he would eventually get picked to participate in the games. 

The two were polar opposites, the only thing connecting them together was their family and similar appearance. Jace was known as the typical boy from district four; knew how to fish, how to swim really well, and trained for the Hunger games. Thea was known as the delicate performer; a die hard music lover, helped people carry heavy bags in the streets and spent her days swimming in the ocean. 

Even when the Greene's suffered the loss of their parents, it seemed life never stopped for the two siblings. Thea kept the two up-float with the bar, and even when he turned nineteen, Jace kept training, building up his strength in order to help out his younger sister in any way he could. 

The moon shone through the clouds trying to cover it up in the sky. A soft gust of wind passed by, sending a shiver down Thea's back as she was locking up the bar for the night. Once saying goodbye to her friend and co-worker, Annie, she turned around and began walking back to her house while getting showered with praise by numerous audience members from the bar.  

"Amazing performance as always, Miss Greene!" An older man, seemingly around his mid 60's with greying hair and a few wrinkles on his face, called out as the blonde walked by. 

She turned her head over her shoulder, showing a bright smile on her face as she gave him a nod of appreciation. "Thank you, Mr Morgenthau!" She said before she turned her body around to face the wrinkled man. "How's your grandson? He doing alright?" She asked. 

"Oh, he's doing just fine. He's ready for the games tomorrow, I hear." 

Thea stopped in her tracks, her eyes slightly widening in surprise. "He's volunteering?" She asked, earning a curt nod from Morgenthau. She then flashed a bright smile as she began to turn back around to continue walking. "Well, lets hope he wins." She then waved goodbye before she continued walking through the dimly lit pathways to her house.

It wasn't long until Thea arrived in front of her house. It was cramped in between a row of houses, looking identical to the rest with its smooth walls that were painted white and the stone roof. The lights seemed to be off with the curtains drawn from the inside. She stepped forward, unlocking the white door and stepping inside, switching the light switch on beside the door. "I'm home!" She called out to see if there would be any response and for a few seconds, there was only silence until she heard loud, rapid footsteps coming down the stairs. A loud thud came shortly afterwards and as the blonde was just hanging up her jacket, she turned her head to her left, watching a fairly tall boy with messy blonde hair flap his arms up in the air.

"Jesus, where the hell have you been? It's past curfew." He said as he began walking towards her, and into the kitchen. 

Thea rolled her eyes once she finished hanging her coat up and followed her brother into the kitchen where she watched him cook up some fish. "I was working at the bar. And don't use that curfew shit on me, you and I both know that only worked when mom and dad were here." 

Jace turned his head over his shoulder, sending a quick glare to his younger sister before turning back around, chopping off the head of the large fish. Thea turned away quickly once hearing the loud thud of a butcher knife slam down on the wooden table. "The reaping is tomorrow, Thea-" 

"Yeah, which is why I decided to go down to the bar. The district deserves at least a bit of good entertainment before they watch their loved ones possibly get picked to go into the Hunger Games and watch them die." Thea argued, cutting her brother off before he could finish his sentence. 

"And who said it has to be you to give them that?" Jace asked as he continued cutting up the fish.

"I did, the people did. If I stopped performing at the bar when mom and dad died, we'd be on the streets. The amount of people who come to the bar because I'm there is the reason why we have money. At least act like you're grateful." 

Jace seemed to stop suddenly, his right hand that held the sharp butcher knife resting on the edge of the kitchen counter. A harsh sigh escaped Jace's mouth, his shoulders dropping in defeat. "I am grateful." He shook his head before continuing, "I just don't like the thought of my little sister going out at night to perform for a crowd mostly full of old men." He stated before he went back to chopping up fish. 

"well, when you put it like that, I understand what you're getting at." Said Thea as she walked forward, leaning on one of the kitchen counters beside her brother. "But it isn't like that. If you actually come down to the family bar, your worries would be put to rest. I promise you, all the audience does is cheer and clap after a performance. So stop the worry flurry and make me some food." She then patted Jace's shoulder before pulling herself off the kitchen counter, earning a quiet chuckle from him before he turned back to the fish. 

Sleeping was always difficult for Thea, even at an early age. It wasn't that she was afraid of the dark, she has walked through the darkest of alleyways and not once has she ever been afraid, but it was rather the silence that came with it as she'd lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to find even the littlest of noise that her mind could focus on. It would get extra bad after a night of performing. The amount of whiplash she'd get after a night full of music, and cheers, and laughter, to when it ends is overwhelming to say the least. She wanted it to be loud, but not so loud that it would overwhelm her, but she didn't want it to be quiet to the point where she'd be focusing on her own breathing just so her mind wouldn't wander. 

She'd often result to the little spinning nightlight in her room. When on, it would light up the entire room and it would slowly spin around. On top of it was a picture of her, Jace, and their parents standing on the beach with bright smiles on their face that would cast onto the ceiling, spinning slowly as the device would turn.  It sent out the sound of twinkling stars which would usually send the girl off to sleep in no time. With her head rested on her arms that were behind her head as she laid down on her bed, she stared up to the ceiling, watching the picture of her family spin around slowly with the accompanying sound of twinkling entering her ears. 

She closed her eyes, listening to the twinkling sounds that went around the room. A soft smile rose on her face as her mind wandered off, imagining the sight of multiple stars sparkling in front of her. 

The world around her almost seemed peaceful. Her mind was free from the worry of getting chosen at the upcoming reaping, some girl from the training academy would probably volunteer like Morgenthau's grandson, she thought. She'd no longer have to worry about the possibility of getting chosen, she's already eighteen which is the oldest you can be to get chosen, so all she had to do is pray that she wouldn't get chosen, or even better some girl volunteers and she'd have a peaceful life like her brother. 

Everything will be perfect . . .

[magmahearts]

TIMING: current. PARTIES: @muertarte & @magmahearts LOCATION: the magmacave. SUMMARY: metzli makes another plea for cass to return to her family, and makaio reacts poorly. CONTENT: emotional manipulation

It was another quiet evening, just the two of them. These days, these quiet evenings were Cass’s favorite, much preferred to the nights when Makaio decided they needed to go out and ‘take action’ in one way or another. She preferred sitting in the cave and doing nothing to things like making the rounds throughout town, especially now that her father seemed to believe that the death of that first security guard had graduated her from ‘property damage’ to something a little more concrete. She tried not to think about the bar full of hunters and the way they’d laid in wait outside of it, though it was sometimes hard to think of anything else.

The quiet evenings were almost pleasant. Cass could sit in the cave with Makaio, could pretend not to miss Wynne or Nora or Ariadne or Van or Thea and the way they all used to sit in the cave with her at different times. She could keep her phone locked and in her pocket and pretend not to know that tonight was supposed to be her weekly dinner with Metzli and Leila that she hadn’t shown up to in months now. The distance was a good thing, she told herself; doing it this way allowed it to be her choice instead of someone else’s, and wasn’t that better? Wasn’t that what she wanted? 

Beside her, Makaio shifted. Cass, ever the faithful shadow, shifted with him, straightening her back and turning towards him expectantly. 

“Another visitor,” he rumbled, low and with a hint of distaste to his tone.

“I’ll ask them to go,” she replied quietly, already aching.

“They rarely listen. I suppose they don’t respect you.”

It stung, but he must have been right. Didn’t people accept the decisions of those they respected far easier than those they didn’t? She respected Makaio, and she accepted every decision he made. She looked down at her hands, nodding. 

“I’ll come with you,” he decided. “Perhaps they’ll respect me more.”

It scared her, but she knew better than to argue. He’d never liked it when she disagreed with her, and Cass needed her father to be happy here. She needed him to stay. She didn’t have anyone else anymore, even if it was by choice this time. (It was her choice. It was.) Swallowing around the lump in her throat, she nodded. “Yeah,” she agreed, trying to keep her voice from quaking. “Okay.”

They stood together, heading for the mouth of the cave.

—

Nothing about what was going on with Cass was normal. Everything she enjoyed was turned down for the sake of a man who called himself her father. True or not, he seemed to be using her propensity for pleasing others to his advantage, severing any tie she had with anyone else. He was isolating her, using her, and making her choose him because they supposedly shared blood. His tactics weren’t unfamiliar to Metzli, having been the victim of silent abuse. For what reason, they didn’t know, but they had to get to the bottom of it, for her sake. 

Because when it came down to it, Cass’s father was no dad. Neither were they, but Metzli was convinced that due to their desire coming from a place of love and protection, that it rendered any excuse this man had, moot. They didn’t need Cass isolated, and they didn’t want to ask anything of her that would be to her detriment, but it seemed her heart’s injuries were too severe.

Abandonment was a harsh wound that never healed. Its repetition, a plague that festered and putrefied into fears that could not be treated by normal means. It took a kind of patience so uncommon that it bordered on heroic, making anyone in need tie a cape around a person’s neck. But Metzli was no hero, and there was no tickertape parade for something that should be ordinary, a given. They showed up without being asked, all while knowing they might be met with rejection. Possibly even death, if this man truly wanted Cass to sever her ties with those she loved. Despite being pushed away, Metzli knew they were still loved, and they would fight for her. Even if she wouldn’t fight for herself. Even if she didn’t know she had to.

“Cass.” They breathed, refusing to acknowledge the oread next to her. “I am visiting because people are worried.” A pause, “I am worried.”

Makaio’s presence was a looming thing, hanging over her head like a shadow. Even on the rare occasions where he left the cave without her, Cass could feel him. She told herself it was a comfort, the way he was there even when he wasn’t there. She told herself it was a good thing, a thing she wanted. But her hands shook sometimes, and she swore there was still blood in the cracks of her stony skin even though she’d washed her hands a thousand times now. 

He stood behind her as she made her way to the mouth of the cave, recognizing Metzli’s tall form long before the details of their features came into view. She felt her father stiffen behind her, felt the displeasure rolling off him in waves. Did he recognize them? Cass didn’t think they’d met before, though she’d spoken of Metzli often in the beginning. Maybe in his quest to get to know her friends better by borrowing her phone, he’d read over some of their old messages. 

“It’s Metzli,” she said quietly before they were in the vampire’s earshot, in case Makaio didn’t know.

“The vampire,” he commented. “The one with a penchant for leaving.” 

The description ached, but she nodded anyway. “I can make them go,” she said. She’d done it before — to Van, to Wynne, to Nora, to Leila. Telling Metzli to leave would be just as simple. But…

“I should assist you. You aren’t very good at doing it on your own.”

Cass chewed her lip, pretending the words stung less than they did as she nodded. He was right — she didn’t command respect the way he did. Not yet, though he’d assured her that she someday might. She had to learn from him first. So, she led him the rest of the way to the vampire, closing the physical gap between them in the interest of widening the emotional one.

Metzli spoke to her directly, not looking at Makaio at all. She could tell that it upset him, could feel his anger burning in the magma of his veins. She glanced to him, waiting to see if he wanted her to speak. He didn’t. He stepped forward himself instead, placing a hand on Cass’s shoulder.

“Worried. Why? Because Cassidy knows how to better stand up for herself now? You liked her better meek. That isn’t who she is now.” Cass told herself that he sounded proud, even if she didn’t think it was true. A lie only burned when you said it aloud. 

“Just go, Metzli,” she said quietly, but the grip on her shoulder tightened. 

“No. They’ll only come back later, confuse you more. Perhaps this is a problem that should be solved more permanently.” 

—

“I did not speak to you.” Metzli’s posture stiffened, and they mentally reprimanded themself for responding so poorly. They had a plan to stick to, keeping themself from resorting to violence of any kind. What they just did might as well have been a punch a swing to the man’s face, but Metzli flexed their hand and relaxed again. They took a deep breath and ignored the permanent idea he was trying to offer Cass. She was a lot of things, but she was no killer. 

Without justifiable cause, Cass wouldn’t harm someone. She had a good sense of morality, even if the man behind her, who was gripping her neck too hard for Metzli’s liking, was trying to make her into something he needed. 

“I like you however you want to be.” They swallowed, choosing their words carefully. “We have worry because you are alone with him. Have only him.” Rolling their shoulders, Metzli knelt down to get to Cass’s eye level and couldn’t help but smile at finally being close enough to hug her. That would have to wait though, what with how her father wouldn’t release his grip.

“You want big family before, and-and if he wants to be good father to you then we want that too. He can come to dinner and I will make his favorite food just like I do for you.” Tears of hope began to form, and they had to blink them away to hold some type of composure. “I do not want to go. Will not leave permanently,” They added, almost like a hiss, “You are family, mija.”

Dread built in her chest at her father’s words, the idea of a permanent solution to Metzli’s meddling not one she wanted to entertain. But then, Metzli was snapping at Makaio, and Cass felt defensive of him. That feeling was a more comfortable one, and so she clung to it. “Don’t talk to him like that,” she snapped, and the tightening of her father’s hand on her shoulder was one she had come to know to mean approval. She could salvage this, she thought. She could still salvage this.

“I… I am who I want to be. Right now, here. And you — you’re here telling me to — to change.” Weren’t they? They wanted her to push her father into things he wasn’t comfortable with, wanted her to force him to change when she was the one who’d been put together all wrong before. “Just — Just stop it.”

But Metzli continued, and Makaio stiffened behind her. “Do not presume to know what kind of father I am,” he said, his voice low. The moment Metzli said mija, Cass felt her father’s attention turn to her. “Cassidy. This monster comes to you, pretends to be a parent. Is that really what you want?” She understood what was unsaid beneath it. She could have one, or she could have the other. She couldn’t have both. And Metzli had left her before.

“I… no. No, just — I told you to go. Didn’t I tell you to go?”

Makaio hummed. “Some problems,” he said quietly, “cannot be solved by telling. Haven’t you learned that by now?” She thought of the security guard at the viewing station, of the hunters outside the bar. Her hands trembled, and she clenched them into fists to stop them shaking. “Solve the problem, Cassidy. The right way this time.”

—

“I am not doing that.” Metzli said firmly, “Be whoever you want,” For the briefest of moments, they paused, a much more petty side of them winning out. “Choose what you want, mija. Let me choose what I want, too.” Their chin trembled with a toxic mixture of anger and dread. If they couldn’t get through to Cass, Metzli knew she was in danger of becoming the very thing that plagued her own existence. 

The only thing they couldn’t understand was why her own father was putting her in that harmful position. Why history had to repeat itself no matter how hard you tried to prevent it. Because the hand on Cass’s shoulder looked a lot like the one that still ghosted Metzli’s own, and the sight made nausea twist their insides uncomfortably. They could already feel the ants marching up and down their nerves, biting with every step. Metzli pushed it all aside. Because when there were too many people petitioning their god for an answer, and family gripped you like a snake, love was the next in line. 

Metzli picked up. 

“Let me choose, too.” They croaked, “I choose you. I choose our family.” Taking a breath, they looked hesitantly into Cass’s eyes, allowing vulnerability to cloak them in its unassuming warmth, and they smiled again. No matter how bleak everything looked, there was just something in Cass’s hues that always made Metzli comfortable with being seen. Maybe it was because she knew what it was like to be invisible. Or maybe it was because there was an unmistakable glint of need that matched theirs. Maybe it was because they were always meant to see each other, make one another feel real again. “I can choose him too, if that is what you need. We can be family. We can. All of us. I am not leaving until I know that you know this. That-that a threat,” Metzli growled quietly, “Will not make me leave you. Because you do not have to choose. I want you to have both of us. You deserve to have all options.”

Wasn’t this what she’d wanted? To have both the family she chose and the one she’d been robbed of in birth. Metzli was offering that to her, and Cass wanted desperately to believe them. But… Metzli still didn’t have all the facts. And even if they did, even if they’d somehow known about the bodies she’d dropped without necessity or excuse, Cass wasn’t sure she could believe the claim that they weren’t going to leave again. Wasn’t it still impossible to forget the way Metzli, a year ago, had left to lock themself away despite Cass’s desperate pleas for them to stay? Wouldn’t they still run headfirst into dangerous situations, not caring if they lived or died? 

Her father wouldn’t let her have both. On some level, Cass knew that. And if she had to choose, shouldn’t she choose the person who promised to be a permanent fixture in her life? Shouldn’t she focus her attention on the one who had always wanted her instead of the one who would leave time and time and time again? She felt herself wavering, felt her resolve slipping.

Makaio felt it too.

His grip on her shoulder tightened to something undeniably painful, and she wondered if it would bruise. She felt him tense each time Metzli called her mija, and Cass — Cass understood jealousy better than most. She’d been that kid fighting so hard for a place in other people’s lives that anyone else vying for the same attention had felt like competition. Her father was envious of Metzli’s place in her life, she realized; jealous that they had gotten a chance to slide into a role that would have been his and his alone if he’d found her sooner. 

He wouldn’t let it go. She knew that. If his jealousy was the same as hers, it wouldn’t be enough for her to convince Metzli to go. He already wanted her to prove herself, was already asking for her to find a solution that was permanent. And she knew what he meant, knew what he wanted, but…

She couldn’t hurt Metzli. She knew it as certainly as she knew the ground beneath her feet or the air in her lungs. She’d killed that security guard, she’d hurt hunters, but she could never hurt Metzli. Would Makaio do it if she refused? Metzli swore they wouldn’t leave, and weren’t there only so many ways this could end? 

“Cassidy,” her father said firmly. “You need to take care of this. Solve the problem so that we can move on.”

Makaio couldn’t see her face. He couldn’t see the feelings crossing over it, or the resolve that took their place. For a moment, to an outside observer, it might have looked like she was going to do it. But then, she shook her head. “Actually…” She trailed off, steeling herself. “Don’t you think it’s giving them too much credit?”

Makaio shifted behind her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean — doesn’t killing them imply that they have… an important place in my life?” She was careful. Makaio would know if she was lying, and to say that Metzli didn’t hold an important role in her life was a lie. But phrasing it as a question? That could help her skirt around the rule. “They left me. Multiple times.” That was true. No need to be careful with that one. “And they’ll probably do it again. Killing them would make it seem like I believe them when they say they won’t, like there’s no other way around it. Why would I give them that?”

She didn’t know if Metzli would catch on or not; either way, she thought, the plan should work. Either Metzli would understand what she was doing and go… or they’d think she meant what she was staying and walk away all the same. Either way, Cass could save them. In this moment, it was all she really wanted.

—

Let her go, they wanted to scream, swallowing their anger down and ignoring the acrid taste building on their tongue. Their eyes were widened with fury, betraying whatever composure they wanted to mock. One of the bigger lies that had managed to come out of Metzli. So they held their breath, unsure if Makaio or Cass would call them out on it. They held it, and it hurt, their air sticking at the lining of their lungs and clawing at it to fight its way out. It grew in tandem with what they bore witness to, becoming something feral the moment Cass spoke ill of who Metzli was.

For a moment, they believed what she was saying. Twisting and turning the words into an animal they could hardly recognize, adding pressure from the constriction in their chest until there was an inevitable pop. Eyes never lied like a person’s tongue. Anything could come out of that, but what the vampire read in Cass was the truth. She couldn’t choose what she truly wanted right then, not without losing both Metzli in the process. By her own hands, no less. 

“Please.” They breathed, “I-I-I do not want to leave you.”

They didn’t like it, but in order to ensure they wouldn’t leave Cass alone with her father, in a more permanent way, they were going to have to let her push them out of the cave. In other words, they would have to lie. Lying was wrong and was a coward’s way out, but Metzli swallowed that down and felt their tears begin to sting at the corners of their eyes and at the tip of their nose. 

What better answer was there anyway? When Makaio was wrong and a coward himself.

“You block me and I cannot see you, and now I-I must l-leave?!” They stood up and paced, trembling and tugging at their hair. “You…!” The lie stopped short in their throat, but Metzli’s resolve proved stronger. “Choosing you is not…enough.” Shoulders fell, but their hand remained in their forest of curls. “I…I am-am not enough. Too m-much credit. Okay.” Taking a few steps back, Metzli sniffled, chest aching. They watched Makaio’s hand curl happily on Cass’s shoulder and they had to fight their instinct to pounce. Reluctantly, Metzli had to let the swelling crescendos they created with Cass die, the last of its echoes no longer able to keep rhythm with a heart that no longer had room for them. 

For now.

I do not want to leave you. 

The words seemed to ricochet, Makaio’s hand tightening as they did. Cass chewed her lip, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t think that’s ever been true.” It wasn’t a lie. Maybe it would have been months ago, when the pain of Metzli’s departure the year prior had faded and no one had yet picked at the scab it left behind, but now? Cass couldn’t imagine a world in which Metzli — in which anyone — knew who she was and still wanted to stay. Their friendship had started with a promise, with a bind she’d wrapped around them and anger that had burned through them because of it. How had she ever let herself believe anything real could grow from such rotten soil? 

But she loved them, still. She didn’t want to hurt them, didn’t want to be the person her father wanted her to be. And that hurt, too, in a way; she couldn’t be who her friends wanted, but she couldn’t be who Makaio wanted, either. What was left for her? Who was there that could see what she was now, this twisted hybrid of two different extremes, and love her anyway? Nora had faltered the moment Cass confessed to her crime, and she’d added more to the rap sheet now. The necklace Van gave her hung at her throat, but without the promise that built the Allgoods, how long would Van’s affection hang with it? She’d alienated Wynne, ignored Ariadne. Her isolation was half her own making, and she was digging the hole deeper by necessity. 

For half a heartbeat, she thought that this attempt would fail. Maybe part of her hoped it would, in spite of the consequences; maybe part of her hoped that Metzli would see through the deception. But that was never going to happen, was it? Metzli hated themself too much to allow themself the grace of understanding that Cass was only trying to save them. This method was always going to be successful. She could never love her friends more than they hated themselves. That had always been part of the problem.

Or… maybe not. Could Metzli be lying, too? Cass tried to let herself believe it, tried to cling to the idea that maybe her friend was in on the plan. But Metzli hated dishonesty, didn’t they? They’d probably be angry with Cass for using it now, would probably be upset with the idea of being lied to. It must have been real. She must have succeeded, must have done exactly what she set out to do. 

She wasn’t sure why it hurt so much.

Makaio was smiling; she didn’t have to turn to face him to know it. She could feel his satisfaction in the low hum that vibrated his chest. “You’re right, Cassidy,” he allowed. “To end their life would be to confirm an importance they simply do not carry. They know what they’re worth to you now.” Addressing Metzli, he nodded. “Run along, then. Know that if you return, I won’t be so kind. You may not be worth killing to my daughter, but I’m tired of being disturbed.” 

Cass swallowed, looking at the ground beneath her feet. She hoped Metzli would listen, even if they hated her for it.

—

“Do not lie.” They responded quickly, adamantly. “Not lying about love. Never about love. That is being coward. I have…learned a lot.” Metzli emphasized the last part, hoping Cass would catch on to what they meant. Lying was an awful thing, but they’d utilize the tactic for Cass because they loved her. There was nothing they wouldn’t do for her. 

Even lie.

Taking a few more steps back, the vampire sniffled, and couldn’t help themself as they reached the mouth of the cave. There was no world in which Makaio was a good father, nor was there one in which he had tricked Cass into thinking he was right in that situation. He had hurt her, even if Cass hadn’t really seen it yet. So, they opted to hurt him one last time, letting Cass know they were still themself. “That is…interesting.” Metzli growled at Makaio, repressing a smile to keep what little peace there was in the air. If one could call it that. Not that that mattered. “I am threat to you. Have worth to you.” 

Metzli’s focused returned to Cass, a renewed sense of awareness washing over them as pain and betrayal washed over her. She still wasn’t sure if they would lie for her, likely thinking Metzli would think differently of her for using it then. 

Without hesitation, as they took a final step out of the cave, they recalled a memory. “Remember when you trick me and I bring you all those hotdogs? You requested many. I…” A tear creeped down their cheek, and they smiled softly. “I will never forget that memory.”

“Everyone lies, Cassidy,” Makaio hummed, and Cass knew he was right. Maybe Metzli wasn’t lying on purpose — not everyone did — but didn’t history prove that they wouldn’t stick around forever? The way they hated themself would outweigh everything else someday, just as it had a year ago when they locked themself away. Or maybe Metzli was telling the truth. Maybe they did love Cass.

But maybe it just wasn’t enough.

She wanted them to stay; she’d wanted everyone who had come to speak to her to stay, even when she was the one telling them all to leave. She wanted Ariadne to come over and watch movies, wanted to read comics with Van, wanted to talk to Nora and cry with Leila. She missed them all in a way that ached, but… Makaio’s hand gripped her shoulder still. Wasn’t family the be-all and end-all of everything? Wasn’t it what you could count on the most? Your parents loved you more than anyone; that was what all the movies said. 

But was Metzli family, too?

The two ideas were at war in the oread’s head. On one hand was her father, who swore to her that no one but him could ever love her as she was. On the other were her friends, who had loved her before he came along. She didn’t think she could have both, no matter how much she wanted it. Maybe she had to make a definitive choice, one way or another. She didn’t think she was ready for it. 

Makaio’s grip tightened as Metzli addressed him, beyond the point of bruising now. It hurt, but Cass knew better than to make a sound. She took a breath and held it in her lungs, waiting for the grip to loosen up. “You are no more a threat than a fly swatted for causing persistent irritation,” he replied. “And you have no more worth than one.” 

Cass bit her tongue. She wanted to tell Metzli to stop, to just… accept their safety and go. She didn’t want to break their heart to save them just for them to anger her father and end up as dust, anyway. But she could offer no warning without exposing her dishonesty, and if she did that, Makaio would hate her, too. Despite everything, she couldn’t risk that.

Metzli turned to her, reminiscing about… hot dogs? The furrow of Cass’s brow was hidden to Makaio, her back still to him. Hadn’t it been sandwiches she’d demanded Metzli bring to her a year ago, when she bound them into friendship? Her eyes darted up to meet theirs, a question she didn’t dare ask hanging in the irises. A code, maybe? Hadn’t they watched a few silly spy movies with moments like this? She was supposed to play along.

“Did you really think the hot dogs meant anything to me?” She kept her voice cold, hoping that the fact that she was playing along would tell Metzli more than her tone. “I was hungry. How could I resist making you feed me after you were stupid enough to get bound?” A question isn’t a lie. Please. She hoped they’d understand. 

—

Metzli rolled their eyes at Makaio, no longer interested in his empty words. What he said meant nothing, in the end. Cass was who Metzli needed to focus on, and they did, happy to see the grip on her shoulder loosen when they kept their mouth shut. They would chide at themself later for putting her in more danger. 

For the time being, it looked like Cass had caught on to what they were doing. 

They nodded with a slight bounce of their brows, still keeping the slight ache in their expression. Their nose was surely red at that point, but it didn’t feel so fruitless to have visited anymore. “I am glad I was stupid.” Metzli wiped their tears and turned to head home, saying one last thing. “Knowing you is a gift. I will be happy to be stupid again as many times as possible if I can.”

Metzli turned away, and Cass ached more than she should have. They were glad they were stupid, they said; she wanted to tell them that they weren’t, wanted to argue with her own words, but she knew she couldn’t. Metzli understood; she had to believe that Metzli understood. 

She watched as they walked away, and the grip on their shoulder loosened just a little. She schooled her expression, made herself look neutral and uncaring; it wasn’t as hard as it should have been. After all, she was still made of stone. “Hopefully this will be the end of it,” her father said, sounding irritated. 

“If it’s not…” Cass paused. “I don’t like this town very much, anyway. We can just go somewhere else. Alaska has a lot of active volcanoes. I think… I’d like to start over there.” 

Makaio hummed in acknowledgement. She knew he liked the idea; it didn’t fill her with the same joy it might have weeks ago, but that was okay. If she left with him, she could keep her father… and her friends would be safe.

Maybe that was the closest thing to the best of both worlds that she could have.

“Come,” he said, giving her shoulder one last squeeze. “It’s time for dinner.”

Casting one last mournful look at Metzli’s retreating figure, Cass turned to follow Makaio back into the cave.

[loversfms]

[ … ] ❀ you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed theodora lee walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who she is ? they kind of look like adeline rudolph and i could be wrong but i think that they might be twenty - eight years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last three years. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of phoebe buffay from friends. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at sunshine bakery as a baker. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the mooncalf of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty credulous at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty carefree to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that three bedroom apartment beside me over in sunny shores. i better leave you to it. it was nice meeting you!

STATS:

full name : theodora camille lee nickname(s) : theo, thea, teddy, dora, dory birthplace : portland, oregon date of birth : 10 / 27 / 1996 parentage : lee yeong & destiny bauer lee sibling(s) : n / a ! relationship status : single gender identity : cis woman ( she/her ) sexual orientation : bisexual faceclaim : adeline rudolph

BACKGROUND:

born to two parents who were looking to create their own outlook on life

yeong and destiny met in community college and quickly began their whirlwind romance

they were only together for four months before yeong popped the question, and destiny eagerly said yes

and only four months later, destiny became pregnant with theodora. they proudly eloped -- they just couldn't wait to start life together

despite their wild beginning, the two created a happy and healthy home that is still the same to this day

theodora was an only child. a fact that bothered her so as a kid, but as she grew up, she was able to appreciate that fact a lot more.

the lee's were always dreamers, encouraging theodora that she could do whatever she set her mind to. they repeated affirmations as a family every morning, and made sure to highlight the good in the day every night at dinner.

she began helping her mother with cooking and baking when she was just a toddler. a love of food that only grew with age.

by the time she was just ten years old, she was baking cookies and brownies all on her own. she loves creating different flavors and presenting them to her parents ( who were always sure to give her honest and constructive criticism on her recipes )

she was never the smartest, but that never mattered much to her ( or to her parents ). she would average C's and B's in school -- enough to get by, but nothing outstanding

she's always been outgoing and personable, which is how she's gotten by. she has no problem talking to anyone and everyone, and will gladly start a conversation with a stranger out in public. is it always the wisest decision ? no, but she's been a decent judge of character thus far.

once she graduated high school, she went to school for baking and pastry arts to perfect her craft. she'd always dreamed of opening her own bakery.

once she graduated, she tried to run her own business out of her home. solely hoping on word of mouth to get her business, she always tried to go above and beyond for those she served.

after a couple of years, though, she needed a change. it wasn't that she didn't love the life she had. she did. but she felt there was more out there for her. and how would she know if she didn't explore?

with some savings ( and both financial and emotional support from her parents ) she traveled to five of the most glamorous-seeming states she could. california, nevada, texas, new york, and florida. and, even though she's seen all the crazy news that's come from it, she fell in love quickly with florida.

she'd decided that's where the wind would take her. luckily she found a nice place in palmview grove with a bakery that was currently hiring. there was no way she could attempt a cross-country move and a business opening. she could work her way there once she got comfortable.

so now, she's here. always looking for the next fun experience. definitely attempting to have a brat summer. always down to hang around.

©

[malsfefanfics]

Dorothea x Mercedes?

Minor angst with some friendly comforts?

When Mercedes woke up the the middle of the night, Dorothea wasn't there beside her. Her side of the bed was still fairly warm, but the blankets hadn't been put back into place. Her robe was missing, and the bedroom door had been left slightly ajar.

Quietly, she rose from the bed, grabbed her robe, and headed out.

This had become a frequent occurrence the the more recent months. Ever since they'd opened the music school beside the church in this little farm town, Dorothea had frequently risen from sleep to go sit in the pews, staring up at the statuette of the Goddess. Sometimes Mercedes would find her asleep. Occasionally, Dorothea would be singing a prayer. But most nights, she was simply sitting. Staring. As if lost in a world a million miles away.

Tonight, as well, Dorothea sat. This time, it was at the very front of the hall, in the front left bench, close to the aisle. Her hair seemed to take on a gentle blue glow in the light of the moon filtering from the stained glass.

Mercedes quietly came up beside her and sat close, taking her hand in hers. "What are you thinking about, love?"

"Tonight?" Dorothea asked absently. "I'm thinking about Edie. I know I shouldn't, but..."

"I understand," Mercedes assured. "You two were very close."

"We were. I wouldn't say we were best friends or anything, but...I still miss her." She leaned her head to rest on Mercedes's shoulder. "I know I shouldn't dwell on it. I try not to. I try not to care, but... it hurts my feelings. I can't stop thinking about....the what ifs, you know?"

"I understand. I still think about Emile the same way." She pressed a kiss to her temple. "I think it's good that you remember her. So many people forget she was our friend, once. People are often so caught up in their laments and regrets, they forget to remember the good times."

Dorothea let out a shaky breath. Tears welling in her eyes. "Do I have any right to remember the good times? After all the blood I spilt?"

"I do. You deserve to remember the good. Because even with her sins....Edelgard was a cherished friend. You're allowed to grieve her, Thea."

"...do you still grieve Emile?"

"I do. Every day."

"Do... you ever cry for him?"

Mercedes thought over it carefully, eyes burning. "I rarely ever cry these days."

Dorothea wrapped her arms around her, burying her face in her shoulder. "Maybe....you should. I mean....you didn't get to have him at our wedding. I know that must have hurt. And I'm sorry we couldn't have him there."

Tears slowly started to spill as Mercedes held her close. "And I'm sorry we couldn't have Edelgard there for you."

The two stayed like this for what felt like hours. Holding each other close. Occasionally halting their sobs just long enough to dry the tears off each other, before the weight of their grief started the cycle again.

When the tears finally ran out, Dorothea held her wife's face in her hands, pressing their foreheads together. "Mercie? Promise me something?"

"Of course, Thea. Anything."

"....let's get married again in the next life. And this time, let's have everyone there. Okay? The Professor. Edie. Emile. Everyone. No matter what."

Mercedes smiled.

"Okay. It's a promise."

[andypantsx3]

andie can u give us some book recs?<33

Yes!! Although normally I think recs are best given in the context of your other tastes, because I find literary preferences to be a highly-individualized thing!! So without knowing what other books you love, idk how my recs will hold up.

But I will give you some of my personal recent faves!!

I have already talked at length about my favorite book of all time The Goblin Emperor, and I think I've already also recommended the Pink Carnation series to my fun silly regency romance lovers, so I will not go into depth on them here but those are easily my all time faves.

I forget if I have also already talked about Winter's Orbit so forgive me if this is repeat info for you!! But I absolutely loved this book.

SUMMARY: While the Iskat Empire has long dominated the system through treaties and political alliances, several planets, including Thea, have begun to chafe under Iskat's rule. When tragedy befalls Imperial Prince Taam, his Thean widower, Jainan, is rushed into an arranged marriage with Taam's cousin, the disreputable Kiem, in a bid to keep the rising hostilities between the two worlds under control. But when it comes to light that Prince Taam's death may not have been an accident, and that Jainan himself may be a suspect, the unlikely pair must overcome their misgivings and learn to trust one another as they navigate the perils of the Iskat court, try to solve a murder, and prevent an interplanetary war... all while dealing with their growing feelings for each other.

I really like the way Kiem's & Jainan's pictures of one another shift over the course of the narrative, and as you read them through one another's eyes you understand their unreliability in self-narration due to their own personal insecurities. And what I love is that they both strive to emulate the traits they grow to respect in one another and that becomes the key to defeating the forces working against them!! It's so masterfully done, very gentle and thoughtful, and I hope someday to write a book just like this.

As an aside the author also got their start on ao3 and has a tumblr account and you can really feel the love & respect for some of the fannish conventions in their work. Cannot recommend enough.

This is also so basic of me but I would be remiss if I did not also recommend Howl's Moving Castle which I recently reread. If you have seen the movie but not read the book, you are absolutely missing out because it's very much its own unique experience with several divergences from the plot of the movie. Sophie's perspective is hilarious, it's such a fond send up of men in general, and I love the extra argumentative element to Howl & Sophie's relationship we get to see here; I feel it adds way more depth to their characters and relationship and you will totally eat it up.

I also read The House Witch recently and would definitely recommend to fantasy fans who are in the mood for something wholesome and cozy!!

SUMMARY: When Finlay Ashowan joins the staff of the King and Queen of Daxaria, he’s an enigma. No one knows where he comes from or how he came to be where he is, which suits Fin just fine. He’s satisfied simply serving as the royal cook, keeping nosy passersby out of his kitchen, and concocting some truly uncanny meals. But Fin’s secret identity doesn’t stay hidden for long. After all, it’s not every day a house witch and his kitten familiar, Kraken, take to meddling in imperial affairs. As his powers are gradually discovered by the court, Fin finds himself involved in a slew of intrigues: going head-to-head with knights with less-than-chivalrous intentions, helping to protect the pregnant queen, fending off the ire of the royal mage, and uncovering a spy in the castle. And that’s only the beginning—because Fin’s past is catching up with him just as his love life is getting complicated . . .

It is not the most tightly-buttoned narrative, I think because there are several more books in the series that I haven't read yet, so there are lingering threads of an overarching plot I've not seen sewn together yet. But it's an extremely easy and accessible read and I again really loved the respect and admiration the characters grow for each other, even as they resist their feelings for one another.

This rec in particular though I can see people disagreeing with me on, as some of the humor is like kind of immature and you can tell the author is inexperienced and/or the editing team did not quite do their jobs as some of the ending felt forced or cobbled together. But overall I really did like this book, I thought the gems of a really compelling story shone through the little dirt there was lol.

I also cannot recommend most of Naomi Novik's work enough either. In particular I would recommend Spinning Silver (Uprooted too but that's wildly more popular and you might have already read it!!).

SUMMARY: Miryem is the daughter and granddaughter of moneylenders, but her father's inability to collect his debts has left his family on the edge of poverty--until Miryem takes matters into her own hands. Hardening her heart, the young woman sets out to claim what is owed and soon gains a reputation for being able to turn silver into gold. When an ill-advised boast draws the attention of the king of the Staryk--grim fey creatures who seem more ice than flesh--Miryem's fate, and that of two kingdoms, will be forever altered. Set an impossible challenge by the nameless king, Miryem unwittingly spins a web that draws in a peasant girl, Wanda, and the unhappy daughter of a local lord who plots to wed his child to the dashing young tsar. But Tsar Mirnatius is not what he seems. And the secret he hides threatens to consume the lands of humans and Staryk alike. Torn between deadly choices, Miryem and her two unlikely allies embark on a desperate quest that will take them to the limits of sacrifice, power, and love. Channeling the vibrant heart of myth and fairy tale, Spinning Silver weaves a multilayered, magical tapestry that readers will want to return to again and again.

Her prose is always immaculate, vividly descriptive but succinct enough to keep the story going at a driving pace. She always writes like the most compelling female POV characters, to me; driven and complex without falling into the trap of being ~so special uwu~ or ~angry murder girlie >:(~ which I feel so many authors end up flattening their FPOV characters into!! She is absolutely masterful at taking common ideas/tropes and turning them on their heads/fleshing them out in unique and interesting ways.

Lastly, I have also been reading through a bunch of MXTX's danmei series LOL. I haven't finished Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation so I can't quite give a coherent account yet but I have been enjoying it so far. What I can say is I like how conversational and silly her style is even while tackling gruesome and fairly problematic concepts, and I very much love the sweeping and single-minded focus the love interests always have on one another. She also is very good at writing unreliable narrators whose perspectives you don't really understand are unreliable until the end of the narrative, and it makes you fonder of them for all their self-doubt and strength in the face of hardships they try to downplay.

[thedeviltohisangel]

Fall For A Shooting Star//Cassian Week 2024: Day Five, Scars

a/n: the idea for this was grounded in cassian and bryaxis and then my mind went wild with lore and possibilities and chaos. in terms of the theme of scars, it talks of healing and emotional scars and perhaps the creation of new, generational scars and wounds we didn't know we had so we could never heal. anywhooooo, enjoy!

previous part

The only sounds in the kitchen were his whistling and the sizzling of steak on the stove. Cassian had been away in the Illyrian Steppes for weeks and had missed Thea endlessly. The bond, cemented with an ostentatious ceremony months ago and a frenzy properly explored for weeks and weeks after, soothed a bit of his ache as it ensured they could communicate even when they were apart. But it had increased his ferocity in wanting to be home with her. Put him on edge in every interaction with the winged warriors. Rhys and Az had together had struggled to keep him on a leash but he made no apologies for it. He had always been a simple male, with simple needs and he would continue. Needing his mate was very simple. 

But he had arrived at their newly renovated, Velaris based penthouse and not seen her. Her scent lingered but her presence was void. He had tugged the bond between them and felt her at the end of it, a simple projection that she was at the library working with Clotho but would be back soon. And that she was hungry. For him and for dinner. 

He respected her bond with the priestesses in the library, Cassian taking the time to introduce her to the concept Rhys had instilled for it being a place of healing. While he was anxious to see her, he would never, ever pull her from the journey she was going on with the priestesses. There were some scars that even his love couldn’t heal. Some scars Thea would only be able to mend herself and with time and painfully hard work. And he-

A bell.

A bell to signal a threat.

----

She had heard Cassian tell the story of the darkness at the bottom of the library. Or as much of it as he could get it before he shivered and let the memory pass. Thea had never been one to chase thrills. She left that to her mate and his brothers. But she couldn’t deny that something about the depths of the library intrigued her. And the weeks without Cassian had left her more curious seeing as he wasn’t there to warn her of the danger. And only a long, dark corridor now separated her from knowing what it was that had scared the Lord of Bloodshed so deeply.

I can feel you, my child. Let me see you. The voice felt like an itch she couldn’t reach. Prickled down her spine and made her muscles tighten instinctually. The creature had lived down here without harming anyone for so long. Please. She lifted her faelight lantern and began the walk into the abyss. 

Her eyes adjusted quickly. Quickly enough she could see swirls in the distance. See rocks on the ground. See undisturbed dirt on the ground to show no one had traversed this path in centuries.

“You’ve been talking to me for weeks. Why are you silent now that I am here?” That fact had also been a secret she’d kept from Cassian. That the darkness beneath the library had found a way to talk to her outside of the building. It wasn’t worth thinking about the other voices that were blending in. Voices of the Bone Carver and other despicable creatures in the prison. Thea thinks Amren was beginning to look at her differently. She didn’t know why any of these changes were happening with suspicious timing to her mating bond acceptance with Cassian but not a part of her felt…worried. And if that in and of itself was supposed to concern her, it didn’t.

My apologies, my lady. Had I been able to scent you, I would have known of your status beforehand. I apologize for my lack of deference. 

“What does that mean?” She swears the darkness swirled into a bow. And didn’t rise.

 Your power, my lady, deserves fealty from those who are fortunate enough to cross your path. The thumping in her ears was her own heart. 

“I don’t have any power,” she replied breathlessly. 

Your father would be disappointed to hear you say that. The creature seemed to sniff the air. But he would be thrilled by the power of your mate. 

“My father hates Cassian.”

That male, that putrid excuse of a male, is not your father, my lady. 

“THEA!” The mountain rumbled as the beating of his wings extinguished the faelights and left only his Siphons glowing in the darkness. Cassian catapulted into the bottom of the cavern and landed in front of her. A shield between his mate and the nightmarish monster. “Did it hurt you?” She took in the way the Siphons seemed to be straining against the sheer force of his power. 

“No-”

I couldn’t hurt her, General, even if I wanted to. Cassian reached behind him to grab Thea’s hand, pulling her to his side.

“Arms around my neck.” He was launched in an instant and didn’t stop even as they hit the open air, just banking towards their home without a word. 

It was silent when they landed on their balcony. Thea focused on catching her breath from the flight and trying to remember the words of the creature below. “It’s nice to have you home.” She was smiling but he looked furious.

“Did you…Did you go down there on purpose?” His hands were clenching in and out of fists at his side. His Siphons hadn’t calmed. 

“Yes.” His nostrils flared. “Ever since we mated, the creature down there and the creatures at The Prison, they’ve been talking to me.” A step forward.

“Talking how?” Something flickered in her chest noting that he hadn’t asked why she’d kept it from him. Was only focused on her and her well-being.

“You’re not going to yell at me?” she blurted.

“Yell at you? Thea, am I angry you put yourself in danger? Yes. Am I upset you’ve been going through something while I’m away and I had no idea? Yes. But I would never hold the circumstances of our life against you. Never.” Thea hugged herself.

“I’m sorry.”

“None of this is your fault, my love.” Cassian gathered her into his chest. “We are going to figure this all out. I promise,” he whispered into her hair. 

Even if it means talking to the creature of your nightmares again?” Her voice was muffled as her face stayed buried in his chest. 

“For you I’ll do anything. Anything, Thea, okay?” She rested her chin against his chest and closed her eyes, puckering her lips. 

“Kiss?” she requested. Cassian hummed in mock contemplation. 

“You smell like an evil demon.”

“Amren might find that attractive about me.” He laughed, obliging her kiss. 

“I was prepared to fight against the attraction to Az but never Amren.” Thea smiled again but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Is it okay to be scared?”

“Of course,” his hand cupped her cheek, “Nothing we can’t face together. We were made to face challenges together.”

“I love you, my prince,” she whispered as his nose nuzzled against hers. 

“I love you, my queen,” he answered back. He loved being her prince. But he would always be ready to be her knight.

@cassianappreciationweek

[solemn-marauders]

Undercroft Confessions

Sebastian x MC (Thea), but only Sebastian and Ominis are in this.

A direct follow-up to my Patronus piece where Ominis has to spell it out for Sebastian.

Disclaimer: More of my Hogwarts Legacy drabble that I’m posting. These are written quickly while the ideas are fresh. They are short and most likely sprinkled with errors. I’m posting these for me, but if other people enjoy them, then all the better. I will be using my MC’s name, Thea, since this is her story. I also keep the time period in mind. I do my best to keep it as period accurate as possible.

Trigger Warning: Brief mention of ending one's life and death.

Additional Information: This takes place in their 6th year immediately after a Defense Against the Arts class. I highly suggest you read the piece before this one.

His surroundings were a blur. His mind barely registered a voice calling out his name. Thank Merlin that the Undercroft wasn’t far. Waving his wand in front of the ornate cabinet was second nature by this point. It wasn’t until he heard the metal locking back into place that he finally let out a shaky breath. Sebastian shuffled to the sofa they had conjured long ago to make the room more comfortable. He had just made it to the piece of furniture when he heard the metal components of the door moving again.

Ominous entered in a flurry, his glowing wand held aloft. The door had barely closed behind him when he turned to Sebastian.

“I knew it!” He gestured towards him with his wand.

“Don’t.” Sebastian groaned.

“I knew you were in love with her!” He was walking closer now. 

The brunette threw himself face-first into the cushions of the settee. “And now the whole bloody school knows.” He grumbled into the thick fabric. Unfortunately for him, his blind friend possessed superhuman level hearing and didn’t miss a word. Sebastian felt the cushion shift as his friend settled in next to his pathetic form.

His tone much quieter than before, “Why did you never tell me? Did you smell her in your amortentia as well? Is that why you dashed out of potions that day?” Ominis asked. “I know I gave you two a hard time last year about it, but all teasing aside, I wish you had felt that you could have talked to me about it.” He trailed off.

Ominis tried to hide it, but Sebastian winced at how wounded he sounded.

Sebastian nodded into the pillow. “I’m sorry, Ominis.” He had turned his head, the desire to smother himself in the chaise slowly fading. “I swear to you that I didn’t even know the extent of it.” He was too embarrassed to even glance at his comrade. He fixed his gaze on a wooden crate against the far wall as the words tumbled out. “Whatever they were, every time they sprang forward, I would just bury them deep down. I was so focused on saving Anne, Thea had the weight of the world on her shoulders with all of the Ranrok and ancient magic business, and I didn’t want her to think that my feelings for her were disingenuous. That they were just another one of my manipulations.”

“Then why in Merlin’s name did you abandon her?”

“Because I love her!” He pushed himself upright, folding his legs underneath him as he finally faced his fellow Slytherin. “She saw me murder someone, Ominis! I know that we’ve deduced that Salazar’s book had me under some sort of spell, but that excuses nothing. Even at my darkest, my lowest, she stayed by my side, convinced you and Anne not to turn me in.”

“Exactly, Sebastian! After all of that, she still cared for you. I don’t see your logic here.” 

“I have blood on my hands, nightmares where I wake up in a cold sweat, moments where I feel like the world is closing in and I can’t breathe. I sometimes even fantasise about killing myself.”

“Sebastian..”

“She deserves someone uncomplicated. All I am is a burden. It’s a wonder why you even decided to come back into my life.”

“Sebastian.” Ominis said with force. “I come from a family with an infinite streak of cruelty and genocidal tendencies. I am far from uncomplicated, and yet you are still my friend and I am yours.”

“Yes, but..”

Ominis cut him off by abruptly holding a finger up. “Theadora is a presumed orphan with no knowledge of her past, an extraordinary amount of a mysterious and powerful magic, and yet you stuck to her like glue after your first meeting even before learning of her abilities, and she welcomed it.” He released a deep sigh. “The point I am trying to make is that both myself and Thea chose to be your friend, flaws and all. You took away her choice in the matter. You’ve been incredibly selfish and to someone who has been a far better companion to you than anyone else, myself included.” His forceful tone wavered and turned quiet. “She’s convinced that you just used her to cure Anne, and when that failed, you casted her aside without a second thought at her lowest.”

Sebastian’s head whipped up, his gaze finally landed on his friend. “What do you mean?”

Ominis grunted and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It still amazes me just how dense you can be. You were there, you saw her absorb that mass of corrupted magic. You knew she meant to sacrifice herself by doing so, not believing that she would survive the ordeal. She lived but Fig died in the process, the closest thing to a father she has ever experienced. As if that weren’t enough, she now struggles daily with complications stemming from her housing all of that unbridled magic. She’s terrified, Sebastian. She’s never felt more alone.”

Sebastian was thankful that Ominis couldn’t see the tears brimming within his eyes. He tried as hard as he could to keep his voice steady. “I had no idea.”

“Correct! Because you’ve been an absolute cad! You would have known all of this, and more, had you stayed by her side as she did yours!” Ominis threw his hands in the air. “Merlin’s beard, you could have even been courting this whole time, instead of your pathetic pining from across whatever room you happen to be in together. It would have saved me five galleons if you had.”

Sebastian gave his head a shake as he blinked back his tears. “Saved you five galleons?”

The atmosphere had lightened slightly as Ominis scoffed. “You think there hasn’t been a running wager within our year of when the two of you would finally stop pretending like you aren’t completely besotted with one another? I had my money on by the end of the summer.”

“What? Who is participating?”

“Nearly our entire year.”

“Who is currently winning?”

Ominis visibly blanched. “That’s not important. What is important is that you owe me five galleons, thank you very much.”

Sebastian narrowed his brown eyes. “It must be important for you not to tell me and then make a poor attempt at changing the subject.”

Ominis turned his head away from him. “You’re not going to like it.”

“Who. Is. It?”

"It’s Garreth. Currently he’s in the lead to win the pot. He bet that you two would never end up officially courting.”

Ominis was right. Sebastian did not like that. He very much did not like that. He felt his face flush with his rising anger. Garreth probably made that bet with the confidence of himself being the one to woo Thea. Once again, the thought of Weasley doing anything remotely intimate with Thea made the bile in his stomach turn. At the same time, he wanted to blast at every crate, barrel, and dummy within the vicinity. 

“I can feel you seething.”

A sudden thought occurred to Sebastian that hit him like a fist to the gut. He loathed to ask this, but he had to know.

“Does he..” He struggled to form the words as his nausea built. “Does he make her happy?”

“Who? Garreth and Thea? That’s not necessarily the impression she gave me. Their dalliance seemed more of a distraction on her part. She had a rough year and welcomed the diversion he offered. We all know Garreth has a penchant for pretty things, and a soft spot for our ivory-haired friend.”

Sebastian audibly grumbled at his statement. Ominis continued nonetheless.

“Need I remind you that she ended it before term began. She would not have done so if she were serious about him.”

“Are you certain that they actually ended things? That they didn’t just say that so they can sneak around the castle without suspicion?” Sebastian was wondering if it were possible to throw up and punch a wall at the same time.

“I am certain. She told me herself. And before you ask, she was not lying. You know I can tell those things. But Sebastian, please heed my words. To be blunt, you broke her heart. She may no longer have the capacity to love you the way you wish she would.” He placed a hand on his comrade’s shoulder.

They sat in silence as Sebastian stewed on his words. He came to accept that he missed her deeply enough that he could learn to be happy with just a friendship between he and Thea. If his feelings were to remain unrequited, he would learn to live with it. Live with it for the rest of his life just as he would live with the regret of squandering something as precious as her heart when he had it. He sat up straight and squared his shoulders.

“I don’t deserve it, but I need your help.” He told his oldest friend.

“Merlin, help me.” Was his reply.

[vanfleeter]

Matched: Chapter 5 - The Band or The Film

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Thea Foster Warnings: 18+. Angst. Language. Yelling. Arguments. Mentions of physical violence. Smut. Sex. Oral sex (f receiving). Fluff. The usual fluffy stuff. Mentions of pregnancy. A/N: Sike! I'm giving you the next chapter tonight! No more waiting! We have reached the midway part of the series. The whirlwind of this love story approaches soon.

The following morning I woke up to an empty bed beside me. It still feels warm as I brush my hand over the tousled sheets. She hasn’t been gone for long. Climbing out of bed, I slide on my slippers and head out of the room. The rich smell of coffee fills my nostrils as I descend the stairs. Stepping into the kitchen, I find Thea at the kitchen island with a book in one hand while the other cradles a cup of coffee.

“Good morning,” She smiles as she sets her book down on the table along with her book. “I just sat down for coffee, would you like some?”

She starts to move but I hold up my hand. “You shouldn’t be moving so much,” I say as I walk over to the coffee pot. “You should be resting.” I hear her scoff before the sound of the stool scrapes over the floor. She winces from the movement and I cross the kitchen to catch her arm. I look at her, the stern order in my eyes to tell her to sit back down. She returns the look, but with more sass as she slides back onto the stool. I can’t help but to chuckle and I kiss her cheek.

She reaches for my hand, the hand I had used to punch Sam in the face. It’s still bruised slightly, though it was managed to be covered well during the few shows that we have done. “Does it still hurt?” She asks as she gently rubs the pad of her thumb over my knuckles.

I shake my hand, placing my other hand over top of hers. “I’m a lot better off than you,” I say, crackling a smile on my face.

“Ass..” She mutters as she shoves me away.

I can’t help but to laugh and pull her back into my body. “I’m only joking, love.” I say as I kiss her forehead. “It hurts every now and then, but it’s healing just fine, according to our physician.”

“Good,” She says as she lowers our hands. “I still can’t believe you punched your own brother in the face.”

“Not the first time,” I say.

“But was it ever over a woman?”

I shake my head. “No, he and I have never fought over a woman.”

“And will you ever again?”

“No..”

“Good,” She brings my hand up to her lips and gingerly kisses my knuckles. “Because I am yours, you doof, and I always will be. Don’t ever question my love for you again. Do you understand?”

I smile and lift her chin with my other hand. “I love you,” I say before pressing my lips to hers. “I promise to never question you again.”

I never wanted to doubt her love for me, nor do I want her to doubt my love for her. I vowed to myself in that moment that my love would run deep for the both of us, for our future. I still think of creating a family with her, the three children still resting in the back of my mind, willing me to stay true to this love that we share.

I realize that we haven’t been together for a long time, but I knew from the first day I met her, she was the one for me. I saw her in every corner of my life, there wasn’t a space where her presence wasn’t missed. Even today as I show her my love in a simple kiss, I am thinking of her invading everything once again.

I wish to make love to her every day, take her out for romantic dinners or trips to the bookstore. Which reminds me that there’s a Spring sale going on at the store. Every book is fifty percent off for two days, ahead of a new shipment coming in. She’d like that–no–she’d love that. If I could buy the whole store for her, I would. Make a whole library just for her to enjoy. Well–for both of us to enjoy.

“You’re thinking again,” She says, pulling me away from my thoughts. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“I know there’s a sale going on at the bookstore,” I say. “Maybe we can go there tomorrow and pick out more books.”

“You’re walking a dangerous line by fueling my love for books.” She says, making me chuckle.

“Great knowledge comes from books,” I say. “Even the ones that are filled with all of those love scenes.” I see her cheeks flush and I smirk. “Yeah, I know what you’re reading.” She tries to give me an innocent smile, but I know her all too well. “You are a very naughty woman,” I say, kissing her again. She bites down onto my bottom lip as I lick my tongue over her top lip.

She releases my lip and licks her tongue over it. Immediately I attach my lips to her neck, sucking and biting and licking, leaving marks in a trail as I make my way down to the top of her cleavage. I press a kiss in between her breasts before falling to my knees in front of her. She’s only wearing her oversized shirt, seemingly having discarded her pants throughout the night. I feel her lean backwards against the island as I kiss the tops of her thighs. Voluntarily, she spreads her legs open, revealing her naked center. Seems she has discarded her underwear too.

When I happen to glance up at her, I come to find that she’s already looking down at me with a small smile gracing her beautiful face. I press my lips to the innermost part of her thigh and begin to suck at it before nipping at the sensitive skin. I hear her suck in a sharp breath as I swipe my tongue through her folds. I tease her a little, jiggly her now throbbing clit.

Her legs wrap around my head as I begin to devour her pussy. She’s completely soaking wet, her arousal painting the bottom half of my face as I lick and I suck. Thrusting my tongue inside of her, one of her hands flies to my head, entangling her fingers with my hair, while her other hand flies to the counter with a loud smack. She moans deeply as I feel her body lean further back, pushing her soaked core harder against my face, my nose adding the needed friction against her clit.

I grasp tightly to her ass, pushing her harder against my face as I delve deeper into her, as far as I can go. If suffocating myself inside of her is the way to go, then by all means, take me now.

My name slips from her mouth in a breathy moan, “Jake..” I have learned the movements of her body, what signals her impending release. She squirms ever slightly, chasing the needed friction she needs–craves–as her body draws nearer to its end. Seconds later, I have her gushing. The walls of the dam are finally breaking and flooding me with the sweet taste of her undoing. I devour every drop that she makes, not wanting to waste a single bit of it.

Once I clean her up well, I pull away, wiping the back of my hand over my mouth. I’m still on my knees as I lift my eyes to look at her. Her head is hung back still as her chest heaves with every breath.

Running my hands delicately up her thighs, I stand to my feet and lean over top of her. She opens her eyes to look at me, a lazy smile spreading across her face. I chuckle and kiss her lips.

“If this album can be completed within the next six months, we could have a tour as soon as the album is released.”

“Why so fast?” Sam asks. “Doesn’t it feel a little rushed?”

“Your contract is almost up, unless you decide to sign a new one, in which case you will be contracted to produce three more albums within the next five years.”

“And if we get this album done within the next six months, when will the tour start?” Josh asks. “Because my film just got accepted into a festival in New York..”

“Not until September.. First show will be on the 21st in Los Angeles.”

“That’s the same day as the festival,” Josh says. “I can’t do that. Can’t we push it forward a day?”

“No, the venue already has days booked for hockey games. This is the best timeline we got.”

“But my film.. I have to be there..”

“The band is your highest priority right now.”

I can see Josh’s eyebrows knit together, not out of confusion but anger. “This band can wait!” He shouts as he stands to his feet. “I worked hard on this film! I am not giving it up this time!”

“Josh, please calm down..”

“No, I won’t!” He pushes his chair back and steps away from the table. “I have given the last decade of my life to this band, to support Jake’s dream! I am just asking for this one day! One day! This could be big for me!”

“You have a choice, Josh, the band or the film. But if you choose your film, it will make you and the band look bad to the label.”

“Oh fuck the label!” He continues yelling. “I do everything that this fucking label asks of me!”

“Josh,” I say, grabbing his arm. “We’ll figure this out. Come on..”

“Don’t you ‘come on’ me,” He says. “Had you not come back from your stupid boat trip, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He rips his arm out of my hand and storms out of the room.

I give a quick apology to the team before standing from my chair to leave the room. “Josh!” I call as I rush after him down the hallway. “Josh! Stop!” I finally catch up to him just before he steps outside of the building. “What the fuck was that?”

“That?!” He spins to face me. “That was me yet again having to give up my life for you!” He stabs his finger into my chest, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine.

“J-Josh, I’m sorry.. I didn’t know, but the band–”

“Forget about the band for one second, Jake!” He pulls his hand away and drops them both to his sides. “What about me?! Your brother! Your goddamn twin for fuck’s sake! Don’t get me wrong, Jake, I’ve enjoyed being a part of this, and it’s been amazing–but when will it be my turn?”

“Josh, we-”

“We? Who is this ‘we’?” He jabs his finger into my chest again repeatedly as he speaks, “You decided to be a fucking baby and take off on a boat because you got your heart broken! You left and we started moving on to our own endeavors because we didn’t know when you were coming back or if you were coming back at all!l

“I needed to leave!” I shout back. “I did it for me because yes, my heart was broken but I needed to get out and find me–who I am! I’m sorry that this is all happening so quickly all of sudden, and I’m sorry that your film is being pushed to the back burner again, but what am I supposed to do, Josh?! I didn’t want to come back so quickly either! Don’t you think I’d want to be in New York with you celebrating your film at the festival?! Yes! This is your chance to make a name for yourself in the film industry! Get your directorial debut and show everyone the fucking multitalented bastard you are!”

“But the fucking tour, Jake, it’s the same day as the festival.”

“Okay so we scrap that day and officially start the tour on the next one.” I bring my hand up to rest on his shoulder. “We can do this, I know we can. We are in this together–whether you like it or not, because face it, Josh, we’re stuck with each other for the rest of our lives.”

Josh chuckles and rolls his eyes. “You mean it?”

“Of course I do. Now.. Let’s go back to that meeting and make some negotiations. I’m not letting your dream slip through the cracks.”

As we make our way back down the hall and to the conference room, he stops me in front of the door. “On a scale of one to ten, how much of a diva was I back there?”

I shrug my shoulders, “Eh.. I’d say an eight–eight and a half.”

“Damn.. That’s gotta be a record.”

“No, I don’t think so. You weren’t nearly as bad as you were during that first festival show. Now that was at least nine and three quarters.”

“Oh fuck off..”

I laugh and pat his shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you to that festival.”

Coming home that evening, I find Thea’s car parked in the driveway. She came back after work. Shutting off the car, I get out and make my way up to the door. “Thea?” I call out as I close the door behind me. Kicking off my boots and hanging up my jacket, I start to head for the kitchen when I spy her in the living room, lying on the couch.

Stepping into the room, I go over to the couch only to find her fast asleep and curled up underneath a couple blankets. Gently I shake her awake. She hums in response as she peels her eyes open.

“Have a good nap?” I chuckle.

“What time is it?”

“Almost seven,” I say. “How long have you been here?”

She sits up, the blankets falling from her shoulders. “Not long.. I was going to go home but I missed you all day..”

“That makes two of us..” I say as I lean back against the couch and pull her with me.

It was quiet for a few moments, neither of us speaking but just enjoying the silence together. I can’t help but to wonder if it will always be like this? How many quiet nights can the two of us be together before the chaos sets in? I have to tell her about what the next year entails, and if it would be something that she is ready for. Would she want to go with me? Willing to drop everything and follow me on tour when the time comes. I know she said that she would, but was it the truth? Or will I have to part from her again for six months and only get to see her on the occasional trips she’ll take out to visit.

After Josh’s meltdown, rightfully so, we managed to make negotiations with the tour scheduling. Instead of starting on the 21st of September, we’d start in October and that last week and half of September would then be moved to the end of the tour in March.

Six months. Could I live those six months without her constantly by my side? Sounds selfish, I know. That word seems to be a perfect way to describe us both lately. And we are selfish. Selfish for each other, for all of the time spent together and never apart. Selfish in the means of keeping each other to ourselves. I am selfish. I’ve admitted it before. But six months away, should she choose to stay back. I won’t force her to go, though I’m sure I could convince her to. I would never use the ploy of sex, but would she survive without my cock for that long? I don’t think any dildo will satisfy her needs.

God that sounds horrible.

“How was work today?” She asks, dragging me out of the spiraling of thoughts inside of my head.

“It was okay.. Josh and I got into a fight..”

“Jake..” She sighs.

“Don’t worry,” I laugh. “We just used strong words versus our fists, I promise.”

“What did you two fight about?”

“The band and his film… The original start date of the tour would have been the same night as the film festival. Management wasn’t giving him a choice and he blew up…”

“Oh..”

“He started blaming me for this whole thing–said that if I hadn’t come back from my trip then he wouldn’t have to give up film again.. He was angry, saying that he gave the last decade of his life to the band and wondering when his turn will come..”

I shifted on the couch, slouching a little further so she could lay comfortably on my chest before I continued.

“I managed to calm him down, explain our options.. Then we went back to the meeting and negotiated with management. We’ll start the tour a week and half later than planned so Josh can attend the film festival.”

She hums against my chest and reaches for my hand. “That's good, I’m sure he’s happy about that.”

“He is..” I say. I flip my hand over and she tangles her fingers with mine. “He deserves this.”

“Do you think he’ll ever get his turn?” Thea lifts her head to look at me.

I nod my head. “He will, I know he will.” I bring her hand up to my lips and press a gentle kiss upon her knuckles. “Which brings me into the next thing..”

“Uh oh..”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “It’s not a bad thing.. I hope.”

Thea sits back up but still keeps our hands intertwined together. “Is it about the tour?” She asks.

I nod my head. “Six months, starting in October. We’ll be gone until March–with the occasional breaks in between for holidays and such.. The team is making the necessary adjustments for anyone that we decide to bring along with us, should we want to..”

“Is this your way of asking me if I would like to come along with you?”

I nod my head. “I would love for you to join me, but I understand with work and all if it’s not possible.”

“Well lucky for you, my job is pretty flexible.. I can do it pretty much from anywhere.. From my bedroom, to the streets of Paris, maybe even Rio–if we go there,” She shrugs her shoulders and I laugh.

“Oh, we are.” I say. “And we are going to have so much fun. Brazil is beautiful, I seem to fall in love with the country even more each time I go there.”

“Yeah?”

I nod my head and kiss her cheek. “I want to show you the world, but until then–I need food.” I say as my stomach grumbles.

“When was the last time you ate?” She asks.

“Noon.” I sigh. “Didn’t have time to go back out to get something to eat and the donuts at the office were stale..” I grimace before hanging my head back against the back of the couch.

She pats my belly before pushing herself off the couch. “Come on then, let’s go make dinner.”

There’s come a time in one’s life where, in one sliver of time, that they feel complete. Where everything feels as if it’s in the exact place that it’s meant to be. At this moment, I feel like that. In this moment, of quiet and of peaceful nature, all feels right.

I lie there in the bed, softly tracing my fingers over the expanse of her shoulder. She’s fast asleep, after the first five minutes of the movie we had begun to watch flickered on the television screen. I remained awake to watch it, and stayed awake even after it ended just to watch her sleep. Some might find that creepy, others romantic. Admiration for their lover, their soulmate, the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. She is all of that and more to me.

Thea is the light in the darkness, the one who leads me back to safety. Who has led me back to safety. Though she lures me to the deep waters, I find it’s only to explore my darkest self in order to be able to swim back to the surface and breathe in a deep breath of fresh air, and to find me. Who I really am.

I’m not Jake Kiszka, guitarist in a rock band. Not with her, no. With her, I’m just..Jake. And just Thea. My Dorothea.

“Dorothea..” I whisper into the dark.

I’ve never said her full name before, and it felt foreign rolling off my tongue in that hushed whisper. But it also felt sweet, like chocolate melting on one’s tongue.

She hums in her sleep, twisting slightly to turn her head and look over her shoulder. Her eyes flutter open and search the dark until they land on me.

“Why are you not asleep?” She whispers.

“I just wanted to watch you sleep,” I say.

She turns her body over and curls into my body. Her hand rests on my chest and she kisses my skin before laying her head to rest against me too.

“At least the dark conceals how awful I must look.” She says with a giggle, knowing full well I’ll laugh and disagree.

“Remember when I told you that the sun makes your eyes glow like root beer barrels?” She giggles again, nodding her head. “Well,” I shift my body slightly to meld with hers as I wrap my around her. “The small little streak of the moonlight shining in right now casts the perfect, cool glow over your skin. Skin that is so soft, about as soft as cotton.”

“About?” She tilts her head back slightly so she can look at me.

“Mmhmm, because what I like about your skin is that it is equally soft as it is a little rough.”

“Jake, I think you need some sleep.” She says as she pats my chest. “You sound a little delirious.”

I chuckle and lean down to kiss her forehead. “Sleep won’t help much, because you make me delirious.”

“I guess the same could be said about you.”

Eventually she falls back asleep, her light breath tickling my skin just the slightest. But soon I find myself falling asleep soon after she does.

When morning comes, I wake up to an empty bed once again but this time she left a note on the pillow:

Went to breakfast with a friend. Left you coffee in the pot, just needs to be warmed up. I’ll be back soon. I love you, Dorothea

I smile at her use of her full name before setting the note back down and sliding out of bed. Sure enough, she did leave coffee so I warmed it up as I cooked myself breakfast. Soon the morning came and went and she hadn’t come home yet, so I busied myself, working on some of the new songs for the album. Despite Josh’s outburst yesterday, we came up with a few new ideas for songs. To ease his stress, I took Josh’s notebook home with me to go over lyrics, maybe come up with a melody or two.

I had barely gotten through the third song when I heard the front door open and shut. It didn’t take Thea long to find me in my study.

“I thought I heard you playing,” She says as she leans on the threshold. “Figured you’d be in the studio until I found it empty.”

I give her a small smile and set my guitar off to the side. “I was too lazy to go back downstairs..” I say. Pushing off the threshold, she makes her way over and leans down to give me a kiss.

“How was your morning?” She asks.

“Quiet,” I answered. “A little lonely.”

“I’m sorry, she called when I woke up this morning and said she had news to share.”

“News you can share with me?”

Thea nods her head and sits down on the couch beside me. “She’s pregnant–twelve weeks along.”

“I guess congratulations are in order,” I say as I lean over to peck her lips. “Is that why you came back later?”

“Mmhmm.. After we finished breakfast, I went to the store and bought some stuff.”

“Already spoiling the baby and it’s not even born yet.” She grins and eagerly nods her head making me laugh.

“Do you want to see what I bought?”

“Sure, why not?” I say standing from the couch and following her down to the kitchen.

First she showed a bag for a boy, the usual. Clothes–matching outfits, socks, shoes, hats. It was the same for a girl, just all pink. Literally everything was pink, and sparkly. She even went all out and bought toys, and a stack of books.

“Hmph,” I pick up a copy of Treasure Island and flip through the pages.

“Never too young to start learning about pirates,” Thea says. “So, what do you think?”

“You really went all out,” I comment as I look over all of the baby stuff. I picked up a pair of small boots. They’re tiny enough to fit into the palm of my hand. “And say the baby is either–or.. What will you do with the rest?”

“Return it,” She shrugs her shoulders. “Or maybe keep it–you never know where the future might lead.”

We catch each other's eyes and I can see the gleam in hers. If only she knew the dreams that I have for us. The home that I have built in my head, the life we live with our three kids. But I can’t tell her that. What if she doesn’t feel the same way that I do? What if we aren’t meant to be? We had already parted once because of my stupidity–what if it happens again and we never find our way back to each other?

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