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livcosmos · 3 years ago

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Chain of Iron BOOKTALK

I just….I….HOW…WHAT???? NOVEMBER?????!!!!!!…I can’t…What just happened???… I don’t even…OMG!!!!

I think there is nothing to say without spoiling anything sooo….

SPOILER WARNING

AAAAAAHHHHHHH I can’t believe how on earth am I supposed to wait till November??? NOVEMBER!!! I KNEW, I KNEW, I KNEW that it would end this way…this massive mess I knew it…I mean we do all remember how “Clockwork Angel” ended and don’t get me started on “Lord of Shadows”… I saw it coming but not like THAT!!! THIS IS BRUTAL!!!!!!

AHHHHHH OK alright I have to calm down and AHHHHH!!! This book was pure torture but in a good way, it hurt but I loved it! I couldn’t stop reading and I was screaming throughout the whole thing and you all know perfectly good why…. THE FREAKING BRACELET!!!! I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but the bracelet…. I WAS SOOOOOOO MAD and I still am…I am freaking out !!!!

NO but really, I have to start making sense and I don’t even know where to start…there is so much to talk about…but I guess I’m starting with the ENDING because helooooo what was that???

I can’t believe it…I was waiting throughout the whole book for that bracelet to break or for James to take it off or whatever and then it finally happened!!! It happened and I was like ‘OMG YAAASSSS’!!!! It’s finally happening James is going to realise that he loves Cordelia and they are going to be together for good…I have to admit the moment that wicked thing broke I was so grateful and happy, I was over the moon, but still I was sceptical, I wasn’t as happy as I should have been, I knew it was wayyyy to good to be true and that something bad had to happen… I felt it!

First I was afraid I was petrified…(sorry I had to), I thought the bad thing that was going to replace the bracelet mess was, what Tatiana The Lunatic told Grace to do… to make Jesse fall in love with her, because she couldn’t do it with James… and at that point I lost it!!! THAT WOMAN IS SICK!!! I saw the whole Clary and Jace drama from “City of Ashes” all over again running before my eyes … I know Grace and Jesse aren’t actually related but still that is sick!!!! I just can’t go through the whole thing, we got through with James and Cordelia because of Grace and the freaking bracelet all over again with Lucie and Jesse!!!! (I will get to the Jesse/Lucie thing in a minute!)

But of course that wasn’t the bad thing that was about to happen it would have been way to harmless… and when Grace went to James for “help” I was actually a little relieved, I thought ‘Alright she does have good sense and she is going to report Tatiana’….but oh no..oh no..oh no no no no no… ahhhhhhh!!!! James my love, I love you but what was in your head when you said “Thank God” and when you told Cordelia “I don’t feel about you the way I feel about Grace” ARE YOU CRAZY??? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??? But nevertheless, I have to give you credit for how you confronted her with her wicked power afterward, how you wouldn’t take her lies anymore! And you Cordelia darling, he said he has something important to tell, you don’t run away like that wait and see what he has to tell you or at least eavesdrop properly!!! And OMG I need to know what James wanted to tell her about the necklace he gave her, he said it has some story and I need to know it!!!

AHHHHHHH I was so happy that James figured everything out, it was my main goal for this book, my biggest hope and wish and I waited for it to happen the whole time, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else like LILITH?? WHATEVER, WHEN IS THE BRACELET COMING OFF???And then it finally happened and it turned into such a big mess! But in a weird way I love it, I am still very mad though and I need to know what happens!!! I need to know! I mean obviously things are going to turn out just fine but still!!!

Before going back to the James and Cordelia disaster we need to to talk about my love MATTHEW, because well he is very much a big part of the disaster! First of all, am I crazy or does he give off massive Harry Styles energy??? He is the fictional Harry Styles of the 20th century, if I may say so! His style… my God I’m in love! It’s not a secret that I love him very much, I have reread my booktalk for “Chain of Gold” (thank God I ramble so much in my booktalks because I was right back on track with every detail for starting this book!) and I called him my soulmate in there and he still very much is!! And ahhhhhh my hearth breaks for him, I hate to see him in pain!!!! The another big wish I had besides the bracelet breaking was, was for Matthew to tell someone what happened with Charlotte and OMG HE DID!!! I teared up at that scene, I was so happy, I was so relieved (and ahhh of course he knew that Cordelia is in love with James, of course he knew ahh bless him), he now has someone who knows and who watches over him more carefully and maybe Cordelia will convince him to tell the others too, especially Charlotte and Henry! It was such a big step forward and I am so happy for him! I have so much hope that everything will be fine with him but then…. We all know it… Cordelia will end up with James I mean that is more than crystal clear and I fear what will happen to him! I don’t want him to end up alone and oh my, call me crazy and I know I said this before but I do also ship him with Cordelia! Of course I ship James and Cordelia no doubt but still I would also love Matthew to be with her! I know, I know that would be a mess because he is to much like her father bla bla, but come on!!! He also needs someone and I don’t know who that someone could be, I don’t want him to be alone!!! (And also I need more scenes from his point of few, he needs to be more present, I don’t want our connection to fade!!!)

AAHHHH and he is going to Paris with Cordelia ahhhhhh I love that!!! I am all in for spontaneous trips and I know they shouldn’t run away from they problems like that but still, I think and also hope that they will have a great time there and that they may get closer? AH but that would be an even bigger mess wouldn’t it? I don’t know I’m confused, it’s the JEM-TESSA-WILL situation all over again. I mean I know Cordelia doesn’t love Matthew and that it would never be the same thing that she has with James and I know that all of this will backfire on Matthew, but even though I don’t want him to suffer I am still in for that, I am in for the drama!

Speaking of drama I loved that scene at the Shadow Market where James and Mathew where arguing, I didn’t liked that they were arguing but in some way it was a really great scene, I loved the tension and everything! It was really really good!

I also loved the trip scene, where Mathew took Cordelia to *couch* *couch* Wayland the Smith with the motorcar ahhhh it was lovely!!!

And hahah omg the scene at the end where James comes rushing to Matthew’s apartment and he talks to the Porter and he was like “Yeah that wasn’t his cousin, that was my wife” I couldn’t help laughing out loud! The situation was so serious and so full of tension but I couldn’t help laughing!

Another scene that made me laugh was the scene where I believe it was Thomas who said that James was possessed because he was writing in a book! And that is totally true James how could you?! HAHA

Alright so besides the bracelet/James-Cordelia-Matthew drama, what freaked me out at the end was what happened with Lucie and Jesse!!!

I still can’t get over the fact, that Cassie ended it like that!!! I mean Lucie is obviously still alive but OMG JESSE LIVES TOO!!!! I have to be hones that scene where he came back to life made me tear up, I was so happy, even though I know there will be consequences for Lucie. Ahhh and I fear crazy Tatiana but my God Jesse is alive!!!!!

And he and Lucie are soooo incredibly cute together I can’t! That scene where they were dancing in the snow….my Lord that was the sweetest thing ever I loved it so much!!!

But oh boy oh boy, as Jesse was possessed by Belail, I was so scared for him, that Cordelia would stab him with Cortana, the fear was there and it was over the top, I felt sick! Thank God things turned out fine! Crazy lunatic Tatiana how could you do that to your own son who you claim to love so much???? How could you let a Prince of Hell posses him??? Crazy lady you are awful!!!

Oh boy and if we are already touching the topic of rising up Jesse we have to talk about Malcom….goodness gracious I can’t believe the whole TDI drama is because of freaking insensitive crazy witch Grace!!! I can’t get over the fact that she is the reason why Malcom turns into a psychopath and kills so many people and basically causes all the drama in TDI!! If Grace wouldn’t have done that, if Lucie might have stoped her (or if she wouldn’t encourage Malcom into his madness my calling up Annabelle) things would have turned out so different!!!

And where in the world did he take Lucie and Jesse??? Ah I don’t trust him, because I mean it’s obvious why!

Oh and speaking of necromancy, I’m so frustrated, that I don’t remember what Ty and Kit did exactly to rise up Livvy, I mean now it doesn’t matter anymore because Jesse is alive but still, I want to remember how they did it or better say how they tried to do it!

Ah and before I go into a completely other direction I want to say a few more things about Grace… so first of all I can’t believe James left here there in the room alone I am scared that she will run away or something, that she wouldn’t tell Charlotte the truth without James there to force her… but hey we will have to wait and see what happens!

And then there is this other thing… learning her backstory in this book made me hate her a little less! I am not happy about it but I don’t know seeing exactly what she has been trough I felt sorry for her! I still don’t like her God forbid no way, she is still evil, she could have ripped apart that bracelet so many times!!! I get that she fears Tatiana but fjhfkfg, I don’t know I pity her now. And it makes me mad that I can’t be as mad at her as I was before! And then again I feel sorry for hating on her so much because it’s not her fault! I am glad though that we got this insights from her life, so that we can understand her a little better!

The other thing is, that I don’t know how I feel about her getting closer to Christopher, Christopher is such a cuty and I am constantly worried about him, because he is so pure and he trusts everyone blindly and Grace is an evil witch so…I don’t know let’s hope for the best! And then again on the other side they are both a little odd, I can picture them together, I can see that they could fit well together! Seeng it doesn’t mean accepting it though!

A few quick words about Alastair, before we go into the next big thing, I love how he cares for Cordelia, that he is so different around her and I love, that slowly but surely he is changing and behaving better and that he is slowly but surely getting the acceptance of the group! Lets hope things will tun out good, especially the bad blood between him and Matthew!

AH OH and Thomas, even though at first I thought that the whole thing with him being accused to be the murderer was a bit of unnecessary drama, I think things took a great turn! And my god I loved the the scene with him and Will and the Mortal Sword! It was absolutely hilarious, the question Will asked about the money, bless his soul!!!

Speaking of him, I loved to see him and Tessa, as usual, I can’t never get enough of them! And also Jem of course, the one and only love of my life!!! How are we kidding, I don’t think I have to tell anyone anymore, that I cried when he played the violin at James’ and Cordelia’s wedding! That got me! He gets me every time, he is my sensitive spot! And I also cried at the end when he came to talk to Cordelia and yeah…the usual…every time I think about him I cry…I just love him to much! (Speaking of the wedding, omg that was so beautiful and what Charlotte said oh my…that as so so sweet!!!)

But I have to say even though I love Jem, Will and Tessa and I love to see them every time I get the chance, I am also really happy that they don’t play that big of a role here in this story, I said this before but I love that it’s their children’s story where they are there but they are not the main characters. That is also valid for Magnus, I love that he is always there to save the day but still I like that the kids get to write their own story, if that makes sense!

OH Oh and the Italian girl?! It so ironic, that she died because I don’t know in the booktalk for “Chain of Gold” I was like: ‘Yeah omg there is this Italian girl coming I hope the group will accept her, and that she may be the one for my Math!’… well that turned out completely different!

Ohhh and her last name was di Angelo?! I love how Cassie thanked Rick for letting her borrow that last name, I love that two of the most amazing authors in the whole world are friends!

Ok but back to the serious stuff…. Lilith oh Lilith…. I was a little suspicious at the beginning of book at the bachelorette party when her name came up for the first time but I thought nothing of it, I was like oh ok let’s move on…and then her name came up a few more times but I still didn’t thought there was anything to it. Foolish little me, I should have seen it going but I didn’t!!!

I was suspicious of Wayland the Smith if I may quote my own notes, that I wrote down when he first appeared: “ Don’t trust Whayland the Smith, that was so wired, oh Cordelia what have you done, is he the killer?? Is he helping the killer??”. So deep down I knew something was up but I didn’t knew what and uhhhh….oh my and she pretending to be Magnus??? How did she dare to do it! Shame on you Lilith!!!

OMG and the battle at the end with her and Belail and everyone was so intense!!! I can’t wait to see how they are going to solve this whole mess, especial the paladin thing!

And the whole Wayland the Smith thing is actually so interesting like does he actually exists? Is he still alive?? We definitely need more informations about him!

Coming back to the paladin thing though, I can totally understand Cordelia, how she must feel and all but please gris don’t exaggerate you still have to be Lucie’s parabatai, you can’t give that up! It has to happen, it just has to! And what have you done to Cortana? Where is it? I need to know!

Oh uh uh but you know what else is suspicious??? That gift Cordelia got from her father, that sword hold thing, because first of all where did he get it from and second Lilith (as she pretended to be Waylande the Smith) made comment on it, that it was worthy or good or something, does that mean that thing is also enchanted, does it mean it has a spell on it or something? Did Elias get it from her? It’s very suspicious and I need more informations!

By the way, his death… I didn’t feel very sorry because I don’t know he was causing unnecessary trouble and even though I am grateful that he saved Jem all those years ago…I don’t know he was wired…I felt sorry for Cordelia, seeing her suffer so much made me sad but than again his death caused unnecessary trouble even if only for a short while between James and Cordelia so I don’t know…and Alastair suffered so much all those years because of him… we wasn’t very likeable!

All in all I had the best time reading this book, it felt so good to be back “home”, I love this world so much and it felt so good to be back! It made me miss London so much… it reminded me how much I love it and ah also the time period I love it !!! Unfortunately though it is now over and I have to face the real world again, and besides that we have to wait till November to find out how things will turn out!!! On the other side I don’t want it to end!!!

Thank you very very much for reading and please let me know your thoughts on the book!!!

P.S. Cordelia said, that if she loses a chess game she would tell James how she is in love with, do you think that is how they are going to make up? That they will play a game and she will lose and tell him that she has always loved him and then they will be together for real? By the way they still have to get those second wedding runes!!!!

P.P.S James’ middle name is Henry??? That is the sweetest thing ever!!!

P.P.P.S I hope that everything between James and Matthew will be ok, that they will stop forging, that Matthew will tell James everything and that everything will be ok regardless of whom will end up with Cordelia!

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soup-for-breakfast-99 · 4 years ago

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Thomastair - Forgive Me

This is my first time posting fanfic on here, so feedback welcome. Check out my Wattpad for more @/Amelia-jai-herondale

I don’t know why the paragraphs look weird. Please ignore.

As summer faded, dusk had begun to set over London just as dinner was over, and with a curt goodnight to his mother Alastair retired to his room which was already cast in twilight. He lit a taper at his desk and sat down to his nightly ritual. Every night since Cordelia's engagement party Alastair would return to his room, take out a pen and paper and write in his neatest cursive Dear Mr Lightwood,

And then promptly crumple the paper up and throw it across the room. He did exactly this, and then just like always he took a second piece of paper and wrote Dear Lightwood, but ultimately decided that that sounded even worse. Sappy. He scolded himself. You sound weak. It was supposed to be an apology, not grovelling. No matter how badly he wanted to he wasn't going to grovel. His palms were starting to feel sweaty. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, then took a third sheet and simply wrote Thomas,

And then he blanked. Like always. What do you say to the man you're in love with to apologise for spreading horrific rumours about his family? My sincere apologies for attempting to ruin your life by insinuating that you are a bastard. Or perhaps, It is with great regret I look back on the moment I told everyone we know that your father is an adulterer. There really isn't a good way to say that. Alastair watched with a detached fascination as a drop of ink from the nib of his pen splashed down onto the page, obscuring Thomas' name almost completely. He once again forcefully crumpled the paper into a ball, his face contorting into a grimace as he did so. His hands gripped the parchment so tightly that his knuckles whitened, his arms trembling. Weak. Stupid and weak. With a spasm of movement, he threw the paper as though it were burning and jerkily stood up from the desk, stumbling backwards into the centre of the room. He heard a crash, but his vision was to blurred to see what caused it. The room was spinning. Alastair's breathing was fast and laboured. He pushed a shaking hand through his black hair, feeling sweat on his forehead. Ridiculous. Weak. Stupid. The floor seemed to sway under his slight frame, and Alastair sank to his knees on the floor. Disappointment. Said the voice in Alastair's head that sounded like his father. Weak. Stupid. Disappointment. He clutched at his chest as though us might burst, and noticed distantly that he was crying. Weak. Weak. Weak.

Alastair couldn't be sure how long it had been by the time he woke up. He was lain on the floor of his room, still in his shirt and trousers, his tie feeling to light around his neck. His waistcoat restricted him as he managed to sit up against the wall. Across the room he could see the crumpled remains of his letters littering the floor. The candle on his desk burned low. Just as Alastair prepared to drag himself up off the floor, there was a knock at his door. "

"Master Carstairs? Visitor here to see you. Young man. Handsome boy."

"Thank you, Risa. I'll be right down." Alastair replied groggily. He checked his pocket watch and frowned. A visitor? At this time? At first he thought of Charles, but Risa knew him by name. Perhaps it was Herondale here to discuss Cordelia. He hoped not. He didn't have the patience for James' whining and moping and smiling tonight. "I'll send him up!" He heard Risa shout from halfway down the stairs. "I'll come down!" He yelled, but he was fairly sure she didn't hear. Oh well. Whoever it was would simply have to ignore the state of his room. Alastair stood up from the floor and straightened himself in front of the mirror. He could hear the booming footsteps of a fairly large person on the stairs; someone who was clearly trying to be quiet due to the late hour but failing miserably. Not Herondale then. To big. To respectful. A few moments later there was a firm knock on the door, and Alastair crossed the room to open it. He almost passed out when the door swung open and his eyes met the steady gaze of Thomas Lightwood, huge and striking as always. His warm brown eyes were fixed on his own, and his skin looked a shadowy shade of gold In the dim light from the hall. Alastair could smell the taller man's cologne; sandalwood and something sweet, and he could feel the warmth radiating off of him. It was only then that Alastair noticed how close they were standing, and that he had been staring at Thomas in silence for the last fifteen seconds. He look a stumbling step back, and wordlessly welcomed Thomas into the room. Mustering all the strength he had, Alastair forced down the carefully constructed mask of indifference over his face and turned to close the door. "What," Alastair began with perhaps a little too much venom "are you doing here? And so late?"

"Good evening to you too Carstairs. What a fine night it is. Are you well?" Thomas said with an even expression. Thomas, who always wore his heart on his sleeve, was for once unreadable. "Am I well? What kind of question is that? Why are you here, Lightwood?" If writing a letter to Thomas has been hard enough to send him crying to sleep each night for two weeks, standing here looking at him now, was like a dagger in Alastair's side, tearing violently through him. "Clave business. I'm here to inform you that the demon activity in this area is twice the average for London. As the eldest active shadowhunter this area, it is your responsibility to investigate and report back to the head of the London institute promptly. Will Herondale will be waiting to hear from you in the next fortnight." Thomas spoke evenly, no anger detectable in his voice. Alastair tilted his head slightly, attempting to look taller next to his giant companion. "You came here now, at 2am, to tell me I have to complete a report in two weeks?" Thomas swallowed hard, and Alastair watched his Adam's apple Bob under his pale skin. He noticed then the sheen of sweat on Lightwood's muscled neck, and wondered how he could he hot with the window wide open. "Um- well... I just thought you would want to know as soon as possible." Thomas stuttered. He ran his hand through his mousey brown hair, and Alastair caught a glimpse of his tattoo through the thin fabric of his shirt sleeve. He remembered Paris, touching the soft skin of Thomas bare arm, and shivered.

“And why are you the one telling me this?" Alastair asked.

"I- I uh... I volunteered. Said I'd tell you."

"Why?"

The two men stared at each other.

"I- I wanted to see you. To talk to you." Thomas' voice was almost a whisper, and his eyes were fixed on the floor.

"Why? You hate me." Alastair said matter of factly. Thomas' head shot up at record speed and his eyes met Alastair's intensely, suddenly a shade darker. "I don't hate you. I- I could never... I could never hate you Alastair." It was Alastair's turn to stare at the floor, suddenly feeling unworthy of Thomas' heavy gaze. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. "I hate what you did. It was vile. You hurt the people I love. You hurt Matthew in ways you could never imagine. You hurt my aunt Charlotte and uncle Henry. You hurt my father and mother, who have already been through so much. You-" Thomas sucked in a deep breath, as though only in his hesitation did he remember to breathe. His words were like a tidal wave and now that they were coming they wouldn't stop. "You hurt me in the worst way, because I trusted you. I believed that you were better then you acted. I believed in you and you hurt me. You let me down. And I hate that. But I will never hate you, Alastair. Hating you... hating you would hurt me more than anything you could ever say to me."

Alastair's bones felt weak, and his whole body was shaking. He mustered the strength to look up, and his tearful eyes met Thomas'. He was crying too, and that was enough to tear down Alastair's defences completely. "Forgive me, Thomas. Please. I would give anything, anything in this world. I would give my life to show you how sorry I am for the pain I have caused you and your family. I have done cruel and terrible things in my fear and shame, and for that I deserve no kindness. I am not worthy of your forgiveness Thomas. Your kindness is too beautiful and too wonderful to be wasted on me, but I beg of you anyway, for you are my last hope at respite from my own self destruction. I beg of you Thomas Lightwood, forgive me." He was crying freely now, his cheeks striped with tears. His voice was raw and hoarse.

There was a moment, a frame frozen in time, where the two men simply looked at each other, both holding the others heart in their hands. No one moved. No one spoke. There was only silence.

All of a sudden, Thomas took a confident step forward and placed his hands firmly on Alastair's shoulders, and slid his left to rest in the crook of Alastair's neck. "You are not infernal, Alastair Carstairs. You are still an angel. You have not yet fallen." He pushes Alastair's chin up so that his dark eyes were visible past the curtain of lashes. "I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. Condemnation would mean you never learn. You have such a kind heart, Querido. You deserve a chance to learn to show it."

Alastair continued to cry, a fresh wave of tears. Tears of relief. "And if you'll let me, Alastair, i would like to get to know that heart. Perhaps you were so cruel because no one had shown you kindness as they should. No one has taught you that you are so incredibly deserving of kindness. Of love. No one had shown you that you are valuable. Allow me. Allow me to show you. I beg that of you, Alastair." Thomas was breathless and rambling and it still sounded like poetry to Alastair. His head spun. Thomas' hands were still on his shoulders, a steady weight keeping him grounded. "I- I do not deserve that. Thank you, sincerely, your forgiveness means more than you can know. But any more than that is not what I have earned." Their bodies were inches apart, Alastair could smell his cologne again, and finally placed it as sandalwood and rose.

"Your pain is not earned either. Let me take it from you. Let me help you." Thomas was begging now.

"Why?" Alastair gasped between tears. "Becau- because I-..." he let out a dramatic sigh, and with some force, Thomas pulled Alastair against him and bent his head so that their lips were inches apart. They paused for a moment, breathing the same air, and then Alastair's arms went around Thomas, and they crashed together desperately. Alastair pressed himself as close as possible, his body curving against him as though he would otherwise die. Thomas clutched tightly to Alastair's waistcoat, almost tearing the fabric as he held the boy firm but gently against him. Their lips slip together in the messy kiss of young and unexperienced passion, the occasional clash of teeth causing Thomas to smile uncontrollably, until he was taken off guard by the feeling of Alastair's tongue against his lips. He gasped, and then groaned, "Alastair..."

“Thomas...”

#thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #the shadowhunter chronicles #shadowhunters #the last hours #the infernal devices #chain of gold #chain of iron #thomastair #lightstairs #fanfic #shadowhunters fanfiction #gay #angst #angst with a happy ending #fluff #angst and fluff

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growingstronglikeahighgardenrose · 5 years ago

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Night Divine

Title: Night Divine

Prompt: Night Divine

Pairings: Sidney/Charlotte, Babington/Esther, Clara/Crowe

Short: Based on an idea I saw on authorinmyhead’s Instagram account: at exactly midnight on new years eve, following their 22nd birthday, everybody possesses the body of their soulmate and tries to leave notes so the other can find them. Crowe had managed to ruin his chances by being too drunk to leave behind a clue. Sidney and Babington were determined to learn from his mistake. But not all soulmates want to be found.

AO3

Scholars had studied ancients texts for centuries trying to understand how it had come to be.

But in the end, they all came to the same conclusion: the beginning of the new year had always been celebrated. There were enough tales by the romans and greeks confirming they, and even the pagan regions had their ways of celebrating the event.

After the collapse of the roman empire, written documents were harder to come by. By the time another document was written about the celebration of the New Year, it was noted that all people of twenty-two years of age were transported into the body of their soulmate for sixty seconds at the end of the year in which they turned twenty-two.

Whenever someone turned twenty-two, the New Year Party was usually moved to New Year’s Day, so that on the last night of the year, the whole family could gather and organize a party for the family member turning twenty-two. It had become known as Night Divine, since God showed his divine judgement on that night, creating unions as he deemed fit.

Though this was tradition, many preferred to have at least some measure of privacy when it happened. It was also rarely celebrated by those in the highest ranks in society, where soulmates rarely married, and many young ladies were wed before they reached the age of twenty-two. They spent the night in private, and when they were transported into the bodies of their soulmates, they tried not to find out who the other was. They shed their tears in private as well, for having seen their soulmate without ever being able to meet them. Unless money troubles forced young people to wed, most refrained from it until they were past the age of twenty-two. This was not to say love was not found before that time. Many young couples dreaded the moment the first of them turned twenty-two.

Of course, the day wasn’t always a happy one. There were struggles: people who reached the age of twenty-two and weren’t transported into another being. In the best case their soulmate wasn’t born yet or too young so they couldn’t leave a note or name behind , and they would have to wait until their soulmate turned twenty-two so they could find them in turn. Then there were those who didn’t have a soulmate or a soulmate who had died too soon. There were quite some people who got notes in another language, or with an address from another country. However, most times, the person seemed to be from their own country, a grace of God.

It was 1813 when Matthew Crowe was catapulted out of his own body on the Divine Night of New Year’s Eve, and thrown into the body of another lady.

He had been home for all of three months after the war had ended, and had not spent a day sober since. As the fourth son to a baronet, he’d tried gaining glory and rising in his father’s esteem by joining the military. This had not been an original idea, since sons two and three, who had always been better people, had joined first. However, Crowe was the only one to return home. And he was the only one of his friends to return home as well. He’d quit the military the second he set foot on English soil again, but the haunting memories hadn’t quit him. He quickly discovered that if he drank too much, he’d have a deep dark dreamless sleep. As one might imagine, he was in London away from his family, and had spent no thoughts on the importance of the New Year’s Eve he was about to have. He’d stumbled out of the cards room where Parker and Babington sat to relieve himself, when the bells started ringing to announce the new year.

In a spacious green living room he didn’t recognize, sat people he didn’t recognize. Everything was strange and weird and he was still drunk. He stumbled through the room, through a pair of white doors and landed in an apartment hallway, before being catapulted back into his own body.

He’d ran back towards the card room as fast as he could, and threw up before being able to tell his friends about it. He was glad they asked so many questions, and he was glad they weren’t as shitfaced as him, because the next morning, he woke up with an incredible hangover and didn’t remember a thing. His friends managed to tell him he’d gone into the body of a young woman somewhere in a city. But they couldn’t tell him anything about her name, country or looks. He’d fucked up beyond compare. But the shock of having squandered away his soulmate was enough to get his alcohol problem back to a manageable level.

Luckily for Crowe, there was a backup, since the day he had visited his soulmate, there had been a link between the two. He knew things he used to know nothing about, like slavery and politics. And sometimes his body ached without him having injured himself. It was the bond. Crowe found it a lot of bollocks. He didn’t need their pain or knowledge, he needed their name.

It had also been a lesson for his friends, who turned twenty-two the following year. They had prepared for the event as well as they could. They knew all pieces of advice out there: don’t waste time on any talking until you get your name and address out, try to write in multiple languages if you can’t figure out where you are, don’t let propriety keep you for calling out for help as quickly as possible, if all else failed they had to use pieces of furniture to spell their surname or write their name in their own blood. They had chosen to celebrate New Year’s Eve in private. They’d put down papers and pens, mirrors and personal attributes in case their soulmate reached the age of twenty-two as well. On top of that, Crowe would be there to talk to their soulmates when they entered their bodies.

But instead, Crowe sat there as the bodies of his friends slumped lifelessly into their chairs.

••••••••••

The first thing Sidney Parker registered was the sound of breaking glass. Looking around him, he spotted shards of glass at his feet, or rather, her shoes, for he was thrown into the body of a sizeably shorter woman.

‘Charlotte? Charlotte?’

Sidney looked up in confusion.

‘You’re not Charlotte, are you? Oh dear, that’s quite the age gap. She’s five years younger’, the woman bemoaned.

‘No. So her name is Charlotte?’

‘Yes! But dear wife, five years is fine, it’s not too bad. I am her father, this is her mother, and these are her grandmother and grandfather on my side of the family, that’s her grandmother on her mother’s side, and these are her siblings.’

There were more siblings than Sidney could count.

Dear God, these people clearly loved each other a lot.

His seconds were dwindling however.

‘My name is Sidney Parker. I live in San-‘

He’d managed to get his name across, but was frustrated that he hadn’t caught hers. There were thousands of Charlotte’s in the country. But her family was friendly,

••••••••••

Babington’s encounter was possibly even worse than that. For when he entered his soulmate’s body, she was already kissing someone else. He drew back quickly, red hair fluttering around his head.

‘Who are you?’

‘You turned twenty-two too?’

The man with the blond hair nodded.

‘They don’t have pens or paper on them.’

‘They probably thought they were soulmates. Quick. Let’s call for paper and pens and tell everyone our name. We have no time to lose.’

‘Yes!’

They threw open the doors and started running, calling for paper and pens and servants. They weren’t about to end up as cautionary tales about people who took too long to analyse their situation and then failing to leave a trace behind.

‘Edward, Esther! What’s with the shouting?’

A moody old lady, whose look screamed wealth, looked at them with suspicious eyes.

‘Edward, what news of your soulmate?’

‘I’m Lord James Babbington!’

‘And I’m Miss –‘

••••••••••

Sidney and Babington were thrown back into their own bodies.

‘Well?’

‘No one came here. Congratulations. You both got yourselves younger ladies. So tell me, how was it?’

‘She had a big family. A very big one. Her name was Charlotte. Her father mother said she was five years younger than me. But the father started introducing the whole family. I only got my name across, not hers.’

‘Sucks man. But hey, they can find you. There aren’t that many Parkers in England. Now Write everything down. Every little detail. Babbers, how about you?’

‘She was kissing someone else.’

‘Ow man’, Crowe sighed.

‘The man she was kissing had just turned twenty-two. The couple probably thought they were soulmates.’

‘I’m sorry’, Sidney said, and laid a supportive hand on his shoulder.

‘It was quite confusing. The girl in the body of the blond man wasn’t the girl whose body I was in, otherwise she would have recognized herself. So the couple had gotten it wrong. We started running around, looking for a way to get our name across. Then there was this woman who addressed both me and the girl on a first name basis. I managed to say my name but then I was thrown back. I just wonder who is in the position to call both parts of a couple by a first name basis. Isn’t that odd? And then she only asked the boy about his soulmate.’

‘Perhaps the girl is still under the age of twenty-two?’

‘Yes, that’s what I assumed. But why would the woman address both parties with their first names? Come to think of it, why would you ask someone who already has a partner about their soulmate? It would destroy the relationship.’

‘If there is one.’

‘What?’

‘People only use first names in close family circles. If the couple were married, she would address at least one of them with their surname or title. So they’re not married. And the old woman knew both of them. They could be family, or very close friends. And the most logical reason one would ask such a harmful question would be if they were unaware of the inappropriateness.’

‘Have you even drank today?’

‘Not a drop. But now I can start.’

‘Those were some very strong deductive skills Crowe, you could be great if you didn’t drink so much.’

‘I’ve done my part for my country.’

‘So… They’re family… And in a secret relation?’

‘The last part makes sense, taking into accord the first. Congratulations, Babbers. You got yourself into a proper mess.’

‘Don’t talk about them that way. We’re just jumping to conclusions right now. I wonder if they’ll be able to find us.’

‘Time will tell’, decided Sidney. He hadn’t been looking forward to discovering his soulmate, after Eliza had ripped his heart out by marrying someone rich before either of them reached the age of twenty-two. He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or sad that his soulmate hadn’t been Eliza. But it did help him to process the years old heartache. He now knew he wasn’t destined to be with her, and knew he wasn’t intended to stay alone.

••••••••••

Three years passed, and they weren’t contacted by the girls. Sidney could only guess at the reasons, but Babington feared his soulmate might have decided to stay together with the blond man she’d been kissing. People sometimes didn’t want their soulmate. It had happened before. Most of the times they’d found love before finding out their soulmate, or they hated the principle that someone else decided what was best for them.

They did feel them though. Babington rarely felt anything. Sidney woke up with grazed knees a lot, and he sometimes felt annoying tingles on his arms during daytime. It was clear his soulmate was an active one. Crowe however, had it worse. He was woken up in the middle of the night a lot. His night shirt wet, and his body aching all over. Sometimes, even during the day in the middle of a conversation, he’d fall to the floor, suffering pains he could neither describe nor place. He never wanted to talk about it, but his friends were there for him.

On the end of the third year, something changed. They all kept each other from drinking too much before the stroke midnight, as they did each year since Crowe got drunk and lost his soulmate. They were playing cards at the New Year’s Eve party of the prince regent when Crowe suddenly shot up. Sidney recognized the sign and immediately took the pen and paper he’d put in his coat.

‘Who are you?’

‘Clara. Clara Brereton.’

‘Where do you live?’

‘He never looked for me before. He especially shouldn’t start now. Please, don’t let him start looking.’

‘Our friend was drunk. He couldn’t leave you a message because of it. He deeply regrets it. He knew not how to find you. Who are your parents?’

‘They’re very poor. I don’t live with them. Where am I?’

‘You are in the body of Mr. Matthew Crowe. I am Mr. Parker, this is Lord Babington. You’re at the New Year’s party of the prince regent.’

‘Oh my God.’

They’d never seen such a terrified and simultaneously impressed look in the eyes of their friend. If she was poor, it was no wonder that she felt shy to share any information when she was catapulted into such wealth.

‘Tell Mr. Crowe that I am so sorry for all the pain he must have felt. I tried to prevent it. I tried. I’m still looking for ways to put an end to it, for his sake. Do tell him I apologize. I’m fine as a person, it’s just that sometimes… Painful things happen. Don’t let him look for me please. Goodbye.’

A muscle spasm signalled that the lady had left Crowe’s body and that their friend had returned.

‘It feels so weird. When your soul isn’t the one doing the travelling, you actually stay put and you can feel them in you. She’s a strong feisty one. I like her.’

He grinned at them, but upon seeing their furrowed brows, his smile fided.

‘What?’

‘She didn’t want to give us her address.’

‘What – why?’

‘I believe she might be in bad company. She mentioned her parents being poor and being in a bad place to be visited. She also apologized for all the pain she’s caused you and wanted to assure you that she tried to prevent the pain. Crowe, could you tell us what that was about?’

Mr. Crowe ignored Babington and directed his next question at Sidney.

‘Didn’t she tell her name?’

‘Miss Brereton. Clara Brereton.’

‘I’ve heard that name before, I think. But it’s a really distant memory. I don’t know where from’, confessed Lord Babington.

‘Doesn’t sound familiar to me’, Sidney sighed.

‘But Crowe, what of it?’ Lord Babington encouraged. The curly haired man stood and shook his head.

‘I’ll be needing that drink. Night Divine my ass.’

His drinking worsened after that night. She wasn’t going to look for him, and Lord Babington tried really hard to remember where he got the name from, but he couldn’t.

Crowe checked the registers in every town he passed through, but there was no Brereton household in which any Clara lived.

He drank even more after that.

••••••••••

Once a year, he did his best to remain sober until midnight, so that he could help his friends. This year was the year Sidney knew his soulmate would reach the age of twenty-two.

Lord Babington still hadn’t heard a thing from his soulmate, he’d given up the hope that she would magically change her mind about him. So he started philandering like he had before New Year 1814, but he never got attached, and nothing ever satisfied him. She was still there, on the back of his mind, an invisible presence with no personality or surname, yet connected to him by divine fate. Though he’d gathered she was quite stubborn, from years of refusing to unite with her soulmate, or even just contacting him out of curiosity.

He hadn’t expected that, on December 31st 1819, he would get a visit from his soulmate as well.

Crowe, who was still hungover from the previous day since he hadn’t drank enough that day, Crowe, whose hands were shaking violently, almost jumped out of his chair when both of his friends fell backwards in their chairs before shooting upright.

His two friends looked around, the grouchy face of Parker being replaced by a surprised and amazed expression, and the face of his good humoured friend become guarded and haughty. It were quite strange expressions on their faces.

‘Right. Hello there, before you are mirrors so you can check out your future husbands. Please, write down your full names and addresses on these papers. Full names and addresses of Parker and Babbers are on them as well. Memorize them as well as you can, though my friends will do their utmost bests to contact you. I’m their friend: Mr. Crowe.’

Parker started writing immediately, but Babington stared at his hands, before reaching for the mirror. He looked to be quite apprehensive, touching his own face.

‘How is he?’ asked Parker’s soulmate.

‘Sidney’s a caring young man. Good sense of humour, but rather ill-humoured most days. Can be gruff, but I’m sure a kind wife will be able to knock that out of him. I’ve seen him being warm and friendly before. He’s the youngest brother of three, no worries though, he’s still rich. Yours is too, even more so, Miss.’

Babington looked up and frowned. It was a mighty strange look on him, and Crowe wished Babington would never scrutinize him in the way his soulmate was now scrutinizing him with Babington’s eyes.

‘I don’t care about wealth.’

‘He’s got a great personality too. Very friendly, very caring. He puts up with a lot of my shit.’

Babington looked away. He still hadn’t touched the paper.

‘Could you please write your name? He knows you might be together with someone else, and he won’t force himself on you. He just wants to know who you are.’

‘He would? That’s… Very kind. Tell him that even in my darkest dreams I couldn’t imagine him forgiven me for what I was doing at the moment he entered my body. That man is dead to me now. It’s why I never contacted him. I was too ashamed. And I’m not worth having. I’m not going to contact him, and I don’t want him to find me. I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me. There’s no reason why we should be together. I –‘

Despite the fact that they had all talked at an incredible speed, there still hadn’t been enough time. The bodies in front of him shook, and his friends returned to him, looking at him with expectant eyes.

Sidney grabbed the paper. ‘Charlotte Heywood. Willingden. Heywood Farm. Didn’t contact you because my parents wanted to make sure we were matched’, he read out loud.

Babington looked at the paper in front of him. ‘I’m sorry for what happened. I wish you well, Esther.’ She hadn’t given any new information.

His eyes connected with Crowe’s. His friend was crestfallen. ‘She’s not together with the man she was kissing. She was too ashamed by the event, that’s why she never contacted you. I don’t think she has a lot of confidence.’

‘She doesn’t. I could… I could feel her. It was so dark. There was humour, and a softness, but she’s not doing great I think.’

‘She said something about not being worth having. Welcome to the club man, these women just don’t want to be found.’

‘We’re forgetting someone, Crowe. Parker, how was your lady?’

‘She…’ He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t keep himself from laughing. ‘She’s like a ball of energy, excitement and joy. Quite overwhelming. She’ll be a handful.’

‘Congratulations, dear friend. Seems broody old you can finally meet your match. May she be the sunlight that lights your dark mood.’

Sidney Parker tried his best to scowl, but failed to do so. He set out for the Heywood farm the day after the holidays were officially over, a ring in his pocket.

••••••••••

Esther Denham hadn’t thought her life would go this way.

At the age of seventeen, she was certain that she and her stepbrother were going to be together forever. Edward wasn’t an affectionate man. But he was the only one who was there for her after her parents died. The only one who took the trouble to know her and keep her company. He also claimed to love her and promised to never leave her.

At the end of her eighteenth year on this planet, at the beginning of December, she’d overheard some town girls talking about how he’d been intimate with a maid of Lady Denham’s. She’d confronted him, and first he’d denied it, but then he’d admitted to it. He promised her that it was an accident and that it wouldn’t happen again, for she was his true love. In an attempt to prove how certain he was, he kissed her at midnight.

It had been the end of all promises. It was their first kiss, and their last kiss. Because she suddenly felt a presence in her body which was decidedly not Edward. The presence of this person filled her up with warmth. And he simultaneously felt like a cool bath on a hot summer’s day. Edward had never felt as soothing and gentle as the man. Edward was fire: burning everything he encountered on his path; he was ice: cold and unyielding. At the same time his body had been inhabited by a girl apparently, or so their aunt told them afterwards.

Her aunt wished she’d contact Lord Babington immediately, but Edward told her soulmates were forced upon them by deities and society. “What does some God above know what is good for us? Why do we let them decide.” Esther listened for a year, and kept anyone from contacting her soulmate. A year in which Edward grew even more money hungry and merciless, visited his aunt when she was ill as if her sickly form was some kind of theatre piece for him to watch, and kept screwing around.

She decided that perhaps God couldn’t know everything, but both God and she herself could clearly see that Edward was bad for her. She gave up on his empty promises. It had been a hard thing to do. He turned her life into a living hell, calling her names, berating her and exercising all male control he could. All the while he kept on screwing Clara in an attempt to disgrace her, but Clara managed to avoid the truth getting out to anyone except Esther. She became isolated. And all his comments on her stupidity seeped right through her skin. She was too proud to show him how they got to her, but in the privacy of her room she couldn’t help but break down a little more each day. She hated herself for ever having been in love with him. She hated herself for trusting men. She hated herself for being stupid and powerless. And the only thing which could have been good about her life, her soulmate, had been taking from her by her own stupidity as well. She’d been seventeen and had still been years away from turning twenty-two, but she’d known that others could get into her body at the stroke of midnight. The only impression her soulmate would have, would be that instead of awaiting a soulmate or celebrating the New Year, that she’d been kissing someone else, without a wedding ring in sight that would excuse it.

She refrained from contacting her soulmate in the following years as well. She felt she’d ruined it. He was a lord. He’d be wealthy and well acquainted with the ways of the world. Meanwhile she was poor, was involved in an improper relationship as far as he knew, and had spent all her life in a stupid seaside town. Nothing about her would be attractive to a lord. She hadn’t made a good first impression, the only thing she could do was avoid him to keep him from discovering more bad things about her. If they met, he’d find out she’d been kissing her stepbrother. If that didn’t make him run: her stupidity and lack of wealth would make it happen. Besides, she didn’t know if she could trust another man, even one whose presence felt like a comfortable blanket.

In her twenty third year of life, she knew their paths were bound to cross again. She wondered if he was the way he seemed when he inhabited her body for a minute. She wondered what he thought of her. Though she knew she wouldn’t get answers. She decided it would be for the best if she didn’t give him a way to contact her. The only thing she wished to do, was to find a way to apologize.

She hadn’t expected to interact with someone. She hadn’t expected him to be this prepared. She hadn’t expected to be forgiven. She hadn’t expected to hear what he was like, and she hadn’t expected to be able to look at his face. He was actually quite handsome. But her confidence was so low, hearing of his forgiveness only made her feel worse. She felt too self-aware. She couldn’t believe she was matched to wealthy lord, who was so kind he’d forgive her and wish her all happiness. She wasn’t worth the forgiveness, and she wasn’t worthy of such a fine spouse, she was so much less.

She was glad that she’d managed to apologize. But going into his body had been a curse, for now his face filled her dreams, and her mind kept conjuring images of situations which could never happen.

‘Is there something the matter, cousin?’

‘Nothing you should know of, Clara.’

‘I’m not your enemy.’

‘How can you be something else, if we’re vying for the same thing?’

‘I would like to have some of her money, yes. I have none of it myself. This is a competition, but it’s not worth this fight.’

‘You have no problem fighting over it with my brother in the most creative of ways.’

‘Don’t tell me you want him? Whatever you imagine, that is quite impossible. And he’s not a good man, you’re a fool if you can’t see that. Besides, it’s all on Edward. I never initiated anything. He keeps forcing himself on me, and I keep barely avoiding scandal. I don’t want him, and I don’t want scandal. A scandal will be the end of me.’

‘I don’t want him. And I don’t really care about the money either. That’s always been Edward. I just wanted a happy life.’

Clara nodded.

‘We could be allies, you know. The two of us are stronger and smarter than him.’

‘And do what?’

‘I don’t know. But we could stop him from influencing our lives so much. We could support each other… You turned twenty-two last year, do you know your soulmate?’

‘Yes but… I… We can’t.’

‘I rejected mine as well. I told you before I managed to survive Edward because I was used to someone a lot worse in my previous home. There’s an automatic connection between soulmates, he probably felt what happened to me. To anyone who knows the extent of what I’ve experienced, I’m ruined goods. And he’s so privileged. I would risk his reputation if he’d have me at all, since he probably knows or suspects what happened.’

Eshter didn’t feel comfortable confiding in Clara yet. She was still suspicious, despite her cousin’s openness. But in a matter of months, that changed. Clara made sure Esther spent a lot of time in Lady Denham’s house, away from Edward’s influence. The old woman wasn’t particularly enjoyable, but Esther managed to score some points for making an effort for her aunt.

In turn, Esther made sure to follow Edward and Clara. An end came to Edward’s days of trying to ruin Clara. In Juli of the same year, the women outed Edward’s gambling, dalliances with kitchen maids, and attempts to find and destroy Lady Denham’s will when the old woman took ill.

Edward was scrapped from the will, and banished from Sanditon.

••••••••••

Charlotte and Sidney had been courting for six months. It hadn’t always been easy. Sidney had been imperious, hard, arrogant and guarded, despite being eager to get to know his soulmate. And Charlotte had been overly open and young. But by and by, they got to understand one another, and had brought out the best in each other. She’d altered him so much, that he even started feeling guilty for ignoring his brother’s pleas for help and support in Sanditon. And so, under Charlotte’s encouragements, it was decided that they were going to marry in Sanditon. Charlotte was a small country girl, and wouldn’t have minded a small wedding, but upon meeting his brother, she felt her marriage to his brother could help to put Sanditon on the map, which in turn would help Sanditon grow and bring money to the oldest Parker brother.

All Heywoods moved to the town for the summer months. As she lived there, she got to know Sidney’s ward Miss Georgiana, and quickly befriended her, despite the girl being quite reserved at first because she thought Charlotte would support Sidney in everything. But she learned very quickly that Charlotte wasn’t like Sidney, and that she didn’t have any problem opposing him if she thought it would make Georgiana’s life better. She also got to know Lady Denham and her cousins, the ladies were quite reserved and though she didn’t like the Lady or Miss Brereton too much, Miss Denham’s manners and humour reminded her of Sidney which lead to Charlotte taking an instant liking to her. She sometimes wondered if the Esther Denham of Sanditon had been the Esther she’d met at the end of the previous year. She knew that Esther hadn’t wanted to meet her soulmate, but she couldn’t help but think how delightful it would be if Sidney’s best friend would find true love in Sanditon, in a girl she liked very much. She tried to find anything which would give away whether Esther Denham was the Esther of New Year’s Eve. She was quite funny, and the Esther of New Year hadn’t been funny. This Esther also had quite a confident air, which the Esther of New Year didn’t have. She also didn’t know the age of this Esther. In the end she decided that it was unlikely that it was the same Esther, since this one gave no sign of recognition when she was introduced to Charlotte. While the Esther of New Year’s Eve should have recognized her name, and the face of her fiancé.

She befriended some of the workmen as well, and grew even closer to the eldest Parker. Before the wedding took place, Charlotte managed to create a series of events to draw attention to the town, from a regatta to a ball to entertain Sidney’s London acquaintances before the wedding.

It was a great success. Everything was booked. Even the newly built block of buildings was rented and inhabited before they had applied the finishing touches. The last licks of paint were for after the wedding. Tom was ecstatic.

••••••••••

Esther had known, the second she saw Sidney Parker after his years of absence, with a young lady holding on to his arm, that she would be in trouble.

He was the man she’d sat next to when she was transported into the body of her fiancé. If he was going to marry, his friends would no doubt come.

She felt the instinctive need to hide, but since she met the two at a dinner, she was incapable of doing so. So she just put on her habitual confident and indifferent air, and pretended not to recognize them when they were introduced. Clara had noticed her freezing when the Parker brother entered the dining room however, and asked her about it after everyone had left.

Gods ways were ineffable, it turned out, since Clara recognized the man as well. It was that even they realized they were destined to be with Mr. Parker’s two friends. And they both comforted the other with the knowledge that their soulmates didn’t know what they looked like. Though Mr. Crowe knew Clara’s surname. They vouched to keep the others identity safe in case one of them was revealed though.

At the dinner, Esther had inconspicuously asked when the guests would start coming in. First, they would the day before the wedding, but that changed when Miss Heywood made an event calendar to lure the guests sooner. News came out that Mr. Parker’s friends would come in early and participate in the regatta. Esther and Clara stayed away with their aunt, who had ‘no desire in running around on a hill to get mud on a dress , and risk twisting an ankle on the grass.’

The midsummer ball, however, was inevitable. But they were grateful for Charlotte for giving the ball a theme. In a popular twist on the divine night, Charlotte had decided to make it a costumed party. Everyone was to wear a mask. And at the stroke of midnight, everyone would reveal their identity to their dance partner, like the identity of soulmates was uncovered at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

Esther and Clara knew Mr. Crowe and Lord Babington would be present, and they knew a certain Esther Denham and the Clara Brereton would be present.

Since Miss Heywood mentioned a Clara and an Esther attending the ball, both Crowe and Babington had agonized over whether or not to go looking for them. Crowe had done the Crowe thing and gotten himself drunk, and Babington had done the Babington thing and accepted Miss Heywood’s negative answer on whether she thought it might be his soulmate called Esther.

••••••••••

Charlotte greeted Esther and Clara with a big smile. She was wearing a swan mask, and it suited her perfectly. Esther had opted for a dark blue mask covering her eyes. A blue floorlength veil was attached to it as well, hiding a good part of her hair. Clara wore a simple white mask hiding half of her face.

A tall figure which couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else’s than Sidney Parker made his way towards them, with three other men and a lady in tow.

‘Ah, ladies. I’d like to introduce my friends.’

‘Is this not a masked ball? You shouldn’t, Mr. Parker’, noted Esther.

‘Alright, but you already know my name?’

‘I think you’re a bit too recognisable, Mr. Parker’, laughed his fiancée.

‘But how am I to introduce my friends?’

‘Fake names. Anyone can be anyone tonight”, decided Clara.

‘I shall be Lord Dionysys.. sus?’, slurred a man with curly hair and a red mask obscuring his entire face except his mouth region. On both cheeks, wine bottles were drawn.

‘How fitting’, Clara smirked.

Esther couldn’t help but smile.

‘Ser Lancelot’, said another.

‘Lady of the Lake’, decided the woman with black hair in a long white and blue dress with many jewels. ‘Pleased to meet you, and nice to see you again, Charlotte.’

‘Lady Su-‘ Charlotte tried asking, but the woman laid a finger on her lips. ‘We must keep the mystery. Even though I cheated.’

Everyone now focussed on the last man. His hair was almost invisible underneath his black hat, and his face was concealed by a black scarf with holes cut out for the eyes. Fake whiskers and a goatee were drawn on his upper lip and chin.

‘I don’t want to be any ser or lord tonight, I shall be Claude Duval.’

‘I am Miss Swan tonight’, decided Charlotte.

‘I shall be Miss Bennett. Since I enjoyed Pride and Prejudice’, Clara decided.

Esther looked about.

‘I’m afraid I’m not feeling particularly inspired.’ She thought about popular works of fiction and myths and legends which might tell something about her.

‘I shall go by the name Rhiannon.’ A strong minded goddess who chose her own husband and was often misinterpreted wasn’t a bad thing to be.

‘Our friend assures us of good sport here, shall we find any?’ asked the inebriated incarnation of the God of Wine.

‘I believe there is very little shooting in the neighbourhood, sir’, Esther shot back. The sooner Mr. Parker’s friends left them, the better.

‘I wasn’t thinking of shooting.’

‘My friend was thinking of dancing, I’m sure’, the highwayman dressed in black laughed while looking at his friend.

‘Could we persuade any of you young ladies to dance with us?’

It was the opposite of what Esther desired. But Charlotte skipped to her fiancé, Clara was approached by the Arthurian knight and she herself was approached by the highwayman.

‘You do wish to dance with me, don’t you?’

‘I suppose the intention of a ball is to dance.’

‘That doesn’t mean you wish to be dancing.’

‘I didn’t think a highwayman would take into account what someone desires.’

‘I’m not just any highwayman. I’m Duval. I’m a gentleman thief.’

‘And a thief of hearts, who asks women to dance with him after robbing their husbands.’

‘Ah, I’ve forgotten something then. Pray tell where your husband is, so I can rob him first.’

Esther had to laugh and shook her head.

‘Unfortunately, I have yet to find a husband who can be robbed.’

‘Pick one, if memory serves me well, you picked your own husband.’

That certainly got a new connotation, taking into account how she was avoiding her soulmate at this very moment. She wished she could distinguish the colour of his eyes or the structure of his hair. But both were shielded by the black fabric and hat. She could currently be dancing with him. Either that, or he was dancing with the Lady of the Lake. Clara was most definitely dancing with Mr. Crowe. Mr. Crowe hadn’t worn a hat, and she’d recognized him immediately. She wondered if Clara knew she was dancing with her soulmate.

‘I do. But I have yet to find someone I deem worthy of the title.’

‘Ha! And pray tell, what set of accomplishments must a man show before you deem him worthy, or do you deem the one chosen by Night Divine to be the worthy candidate?’

If Esther stepped on his foot, it was entirely by accident. How to tackle that topic? She collected her wits, after a nervous giggle escaped her mouth.

‘We’ve only known each other for five minutes, and you’re already asking about my soulmate? You rogue. Let’s not discuss it. The whole point of tonight is to have fun and pretend that we’re looking for our soulmate blindly, until the clock chimes midnight. It’ll be the only time we can choose whose identity we wish to be revealed. I like to choose a soulmate for tonight, let’s not discuss the more serious variant.’

The man bit his lip. ‘As you wish, my goddess.’

Her heart was definitely not beating faster, thank you very much, nor were her cheeks burning. Esther decided their interactions were going way too smoothly. She decided to remain silent for the rest of the dance.

‘You wish to remain mysterious’, he concluded at the end of the dance.

‘Isn’t that the way of deities? Their ways are a mystery to the mortals. I’ve got to keep up the pretence.’

‘And you do so excellently. In some way, nights like these are supposed to strip one of the pretence of our usual lives, so we can be our truest selves, but our true self remains a mystery still, since our covers add a new layer to us. I sometimes wonder when one can be without pretence, I’m starting to think my life has been too full of it.’

‘I doubt there are many among us who can say that they've lived a life free from pretence.’

‘Well, then, surely, if we're to lead a better life we're honour bound to free ourselves from such a burden.’

The dance required Esther to take the hand of another man, which gave her time to reflect. She did tire of pretending. Pretending to be fine to others, pretending being cold and uncaring, pretending she wasn’t worried about meeting her soulmate, but the pretence seeped deeper than that: she tried to pretend to herself that she was alright with not meeting her soulmate. She pretended the dreams filled with visions of a future with him didn’t happen. It was tiring. She did admire the highwayman for his openness and friendliness, but at the same time his openness intimidated her. She wished she could remain silent and maintain her façade, because right now, she was everything but calm. He made her laugh, he made her wonder, he made her reflect, he made her curious, and his tall form made her stomach uneasy.

Lord Babington was struggling with his emotions as well. Every day for the past five years, a girl had been on the back of his mind, popping up whenever he was enjoying himself with someone else. She did now too, as he was enjoying a dance with the vibrant young woman in blue. He knew that somewhere out there, a sad insecure Esther lived, who didn’t deem herself worthy of her soulmate. He felt guilty for enjoying himself while she was depressed, with a funny, witty and confidant woman who clearly didn’t care a fig about soulmates. He wondered whether the woman in his arms had experienced Night Divine herself. He assumed she had, most young women who hadn’t were all star-eyed thinking about the moment they could finally contact their true love, while she seemed unwilling to think about him. A woman who didn’t want to think about her own soulmate, would perhaps not mind to be with a person who had a soulmate but was still single, like himself.

‘I feel disinclined to be in agreement with you too much, too soon. I wouldn’t want to give the impression I’m enjoying the company of a highwayman.’

Lord Babington had to laugh again. ‘No, no, no, no. Whatever you do, you must guard against that. The humiliation. You have your reputation to consider.’

‘And you yours, though I’m sure yours is beyond redemption.’

The woman nodded. The dance had ended, but their conversation hadn’t, and against her better judgement, Esther was persuaded to give him the next dance as well, when he offered her his hand.

‘I admit, I am a highwayman. But I think you’d be surprised. I’m not such a good-for-nothing as I would like. Had the king known me, he wouldn’t have hung me.’

The edges of reality started to blur, as both kept on drawing from the stories surrounding their characters. Yet, though while pretending to be another, Lord Babington spoke only truth when he admitted that he had spent his life pretending to be a good-for-nothing dandy who enjoyed gambling and women, in his darkest dreams, he wished to have a domestic life, filled with peace. And he wished peace for his friends as well. He’d much rather see them all nicely settled, instead of them having yet another drunken story to tell.

��Are you going to tell me you are a misunderstood Robin Hood, who gifted to the poor instead? How cliché.’

‘Cliché?’

‘All thieves pretend to be good. Why can’t any of them just own up to the fact that they’re thieves? Not everything on this planet is done with good intentions. One can be satisfied if something if one’s actions merit oneself, to have those actions merit others as well is quite rare.’

‘You wouldn’t mind me stealing for my own merit only?’

‘It’s not good, by any means. But I believe it is still better if your actions serve you, than if you do things simply because you feel forced by society or acquaintances, in such cases, your actions don’t serve anyone. Those are the worst kinds of actions, not the selfish ones which merit you, not those who merit others, but those you do simply because you are expected to.’

‘You are full of wisdom, goddess Rhiannon. I hope our society will, in some future, learn not to apply so much pressure on its people. But in the meantime we can fight it by leading by example. Let’s not do things simply because they are expected of us.’

Esther bit her lip. She felt that her original comment, which had been meant to be merely amusing, had escalated and turned into something far too revealing and outright. Her words surprised even herself. What had she done not for herself but for something like society or propriety?

‘Spoken as a man and a thief. Women do not have such freedom. Should we go against the written and unwritten rules of society, our reputations would be tarnished. A lady’s reputation is everything. I shall leave men to the task, since they get every other important task in the world as well, save for childbearing.’

‘My word’, he laughed. She certainly wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. Of course, he could be just about anyone, instead of a Lord who indeed got all his money and his job simply by being born into the right household, and being born male. But it was still a bold statement to say to anyone. He knew quite a few women, in the higher ranks of society, who might exclaim similar things if they were wealthy enough, and they were either widowed or married to a particularly liberal husband. He had to admit he admired her spirit.

The song ended and the lady bowed.

‘Now I shall take my leave, so you might steal another woman’s heart. I’m quite attached to mine.’

‘But isn’t the fun in risking it?’ Babington couldn’t help but ask.

‘You have an awful idea of fun, you rascal.’

She disappeared, her stunning blue veil floating behind her.

••••••••••

Esther, Charlotte and Georgiana went outside to catch some air, and discuss the ball. Inside, the men were doing the same. The Lady of the Lake joined them and informed Charlotte that the oldest Mr. Parker was looking for her. She apologized and left.

‘How's your pursuit of the lady in blue progressing, then, Babington? I noticed you two shared two dances, and you seemed to be having a good time.’

‘Very well. She professes she must keep from agreeing with me, and has encouraged me to find other ladies for the evening. She's deliciously witty and smart. She had no problem playing the: men get to do everything card.’

‘Saucy bitch. And you, a peer of the realm. Has she any idea?’ asked Crowe.

Babington shook his head, smiling.

‘I love it’, Crowe laughed.

‘So, how long before you, er, bring her to heel?’

‘"Bring her to heel"? She's not a dog, Crowe, she's a young lady. Besides, there’s still Esther.’

‘She needs to be mastered. And mastering a girl is a great deal of fun. You’ve held on to her for over five years, Babington. Are you going to wait for her the rest of your life? All I’m saying is if you really like this one, why not go chase her? A real woman is so much better than some untouchable soulmate somewhere on the world’, venom seeped through his words. Years of his soulmate avoiding him while he felt her pain, made him grow bitter and frustrated. Lord Babington could hardly blame him, luck had never been on Crowe’s side. He couldn’t blame his friend from wanting to move on from his soulmate. But right now, during a ball, was not the time to have a serious conversation about it.

‘Mind you, I like a bit of spirit in a girl’, Babington admitted, continuing the conversation as if he wasn’t worried… and wasn’t seriously considering pursuing the red haired woman, which he was.

‘That Austen girl I was dancing with, she’s got some real spunk about her. I like that in a woman. If I found her in a certain other setting, I would definitely take her to my chambers’, he grinned.

‘You pig!’ scolded Lord Babington.

‘Now now, Crowe, perhaps a glass of orange juice would do you well’, frowned Sidney.

‘Not now’, his friend said as he noticed the girl standing beside an old woman.

He took off in her direction.

••••••••••

By the time Esther went looking for Clara, it was too late. Clara had gone to her aunt, and Mr. Crowe had gone to Mr. Tom Parker, who had been talking to Charlotte, to ask who the old woman who didn’t bother with a mask was. He quite forgot the charade, and pointed out that it was Lady Denham, the wealthy patron of the town, with her ward Miss Brereton. Charlotte then saw Mr. Crowe marching towards Lady Denham and Clara.

Esther puzzled together Charlotte’s words with her own knowledge. Mr. Crowe might have been drunk, but not that drunk as to forget the surname of his soulmate. He had gone to her, demanding to know her first name, and Lady Denham had ruined it further by exclaiming: ‘Clara, what on earth is the meaning of all this.’

Mr. Crowe’s anger slipped out of him, and he turned on all his charm when replying Lady Denham that he was her soulmate, and she had been avoiding him for three years. He asked Lady Denham whether he was allowed to have a conversation with her while taking a turn about the room, and she had granted it.

Now the two of them were nowhere to be seen, and Esther most definitely panicked.

‘We must find them. You may not know, but they are soulmates. Mr. Crowe is drunk, and Clara has hidden herself from him for years. She only hid herself because it was risky to make herself known. Perhaps if he was sober I might have trusted them to have a civil conversation about it. But he isn’t.’

‘I had no idea’, Charlotte stammered.

‘What can we do?’ asked Lady Georgiana, clearly the most clear headed one.

‘We need to search. Each goes a different direction. Check for any open rooms or remote places.’

‘I take the upstairs’, Georgiana decided.

‘I take the left hallway, there are some two rooms open there, and some dark corners’, Charlotte said as she took her leave as well.

Which left Esther to do the hallway on the right. She tried to look inconspicuous at first, but grew more hurried as time progressed. But no door nor corner offered relief. She didn’t find a trace of her cousin anywhere.

She remained in the main hallway, unwilling to go in without finding her cousin, when suddenly, that very person emerged in the portal of the main door leading out towards the street. Everyone had looked on the inside of the building. It hadn’t crossed their mind that they may have left the building altogether. Behind her, an unmasked man walked, he was surprisingly steady on his feet. He seemed to have sobered overtime.

‘Cousin’, Clara greeted her without revealing her name, as they’d promised.

‘Are you alright?’

‘I am. We talked things over… Well, it was more like shouting from time to time… And crying. But I’m fine. We’re engaged.’

‘You are?’

Clara nodded, unable to hide her smile as tears started slipping out of the corners of her eyes.

‘I couldn’t have wished for a more understanding spouse. We always assume the world to be cruel and unfair. And we almost assume the worst, and after what we experienced, who can blame us? But whatever deity lives up there, they’re right about who they set us up with.’

‘Stop it. You’re making us sound soppy. I might just vomit if I hear any more love and sunshine shit’, Crowe moaned.

‘Then step back. I need to say something to her in private anyway.’

Crowe raised his eyebrows, daring her to command him around. She only raised her eyebrows in return, and he stepped back.

‘Cousin. If he could accept me, there is no reason to believe your soulmate might not accept you as well. Go and have fun tonight, and try to find him. All is not lost, I can scarcely believe it myself.’

‘I don’t know, Clara.’

Her thoughts slipped to the curly brown hair and bluish green eyes of the man she’d seen in the mirror last December. But then they slipped to the tall man in black. She still didn’t know his identity.

‘Ah, there you are. I was starting to wonder where you… Oh, we were looking for you too!’ Charlotte and Georgiana walked into the hallway together.

‘We’re here. Everything’s fine’, Esther said quickly.

‘What’s fine?’ a deep voice asked behind her.

‘Everything’, Esther said in a haughty tone as she turned to face Sidney Parker.

Charlotte floated to the arm of her beloved.

‘Let’s return to the party. I want to dance’, she cooed. Sidney Parker tried and failed not to smile.

Ser Lancelot and the highwayman remained near the edge of the ballroom. She knew she should try out Lancelot to discover whether he was Lord Babington, but she found herself being asked to dance by Lord Babington again.

••••••••••

‘Why, you would think there’s not a single other maid in the room.’

‘Do you wish it?’

‘Fine.’

‘Gone cold again in an attempt to not be too agreeable?’

‘Why insist if you’re treated with so little civility?’

‘Perhaps it is the fascination of trying to keep up with your verbal sparring. All I know is the more I speak with you, the more drawn I am to you.’

Esther bit her lip. He was being way too forthright, but unfortunately, their earlier conversations had given him reason to speak earnestly.’

‘You’ve only known me for a couple of hours. First impressions are important but they’re rarely accurate. It’s all superficial.’

‘Was our conversation superficial? I don’t believe so.’

‘We were pretending to be a goddess and a thief throughout the entirety of our conversation. Besides, isn’t there a soulmate? You have to be over twenty-two.’

‘You yourself critiqued me when I made a joke about soulmates a couple of hours ago. And you critiqued me just now for admitting that I liked you based on a couple of hours of knowing you, yet you ask about my soulmate? Someone fate links me to, despite that I’ve never met her? If I would like her upon seeing her, nobody would consider it strange. Yet, to spend hours with you and then decide I like you, is somehow considered too soon?’

Esther found herself rendered speechless.

‘I shall ignore that you wish to avoid discussing your soulmate, and shall talk about mine, as I respect our mutual wish to live a life without pretence, and your wish that men lead by example’, he decided with a smile. ‘I have one, yes. And she has no wish of contacting me even though she knows my full name and address, while I only know her first name is Esther. I have no contact with her. I felt bad about it for a long time, but I believe that if she hasn’t looked for me in years, I’m allowed to choose a fake soulmate for one evening, don’t you agree?’

It was him. It was Lord Babington. All night, she’d been drawn towards her soulmate without knowing who he was, talking to him and laughing with him had been as easy as breathing.

‘You said that this night, you wished to be free to choose the identity of someone at the stroke of midnight, while ignoring real life soulmates. I do as well. It’s only for a night, after all.’

She shook her head, considering how ridiculous their interaction was now that she knew of his identity. ‘This is ridiculous.’

‘I’m serious.’

Oh, she’d said it out loud.

‘I wasn’t expecting this.’

She wasn’t expecting to be confronted with her own words, nor had she expected she would be drawn to her soulmate. She knew what would happen on midnight if she stayed with him. All masks fell off, and she would be face to face with her fate. Stripped of all pretence. She wanted him, the man in front of her. And she had loved every part of him, she enjoyed how his soul felt, she enjoyed how his face looked in the mirror on New Year’s Eve, and she enjoyed his openness, cheerfulness and jokes throughout the night.

But he didn’t know. And she wondered how he’d react.

The music changed, and their right hands slipped towards the other’s body, as their left hands formed a circle above them. It was a more intimate number.

‘I would hate to be a hypocrite. I too wanted to choose someone to discover the identity of at midnight. I believe I have now refrained from agreeing with you for a sufficient period of time. We’ve agreed on disliking pretence, let’s drop the last bit of pretence at midnight.’

Her heart was in her throat, and she could barely breathe.

His gaze was incredibly intense as they continued their dance, which existed of testing the space between them with hands which were a hair’s breath from touching. Every step closer was followed by two steps to create distance, and every time they reached for one another, was followed by a turn away.

Her arms were covered in goose bumps and her fingers ached to touch him.

She was dancing with her soulmate, and he had confessed to enjoying her. He enjoyed her when it was only she, he didn’t know of her poverty or position in society or Edward. Though all that would come very soon, at the stroke of midnight. But right now, she lived in a world in which he actually liked her, and she liked him. And in this short-lived world, a happy ending seemed almost within reach. She wished she could leave her name behind and be like this forever, her and him, stripped down to their personality, nothing more, nothing less.

A heat pooled in her belly. She was hot and cold all at once. Just two steps removed from fainting.

And just like that, the music stopped, and the countdown started.

She could only stare as he took off his hat, revealing lovely tousled brown curls.

‘It has been a lovely evening, goddess Rhiannon.’

Esther’s mouth was dry.

She could barely keep her hands from shaking.

Even her hearing was starting to shut down, the voices counting down seemed far removed, instead of near.

Her heart was now racing at an unprecedented speech.

‘One!’

She could dimly hear the people shouting and the music starting a joyful tune. The only thing her senses could focus on, was Lord Babington reaching for the back of his head, and removing the fabric covering half his face. He used it to swipe away the whiskers and goatee as well, though there were still grayish lines on his face.

Despite the dread running through her, she couldn’t help but smile.

‘What?’

She reached out, brushing over his upper lip and chin with her thumb to remove the makings on his face.

He didn’t move an inch. His tongue flew out to quickly wet his lips once she’d withdrawn her thumb. The air between them was buzzing.

Their eyes never left each other’s.

It was her turn to remove her mask.

Then the charade would end.

With shaking hands, she tried to remove her mask, but it was in vain. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, to focus on the feeling of the knotted satin sashes keeping her mask stuck to her face. She gasped for breath as her hands were covered by large warm ones.

‘Allow me.’

And within seconds, Esther’s dark brown eyes met those of Lord Babington.

She was even more beautiful than he’d imagined, despite that her mask hadn’t concealed that much.

He was still holding on to her mask, a fact he only became aware of when her delicate hands tried to take it from his.

‘I’m Lord Babington.’

As Esther opened her mouth, she could feel the air prickling her dry tongue. Only seconds now until the evening ended, and she would discover what the rest of her life would look like.

‘My name…’ Her voice gave up on the ‘a’, and she broke eye contact for a second before looking up. ‘Is Esther Denham.’

Lord Babington smiled at her.

‘Pleased to meet you.’

She frowned. She hadn’t expected him to act like this. She didn’t know what to expect, but it hadn’t been an easy smile.

Nor had she expected him to take her hand and press a kiss to it, as he was doing now.

He didn’t know her surname. He didn’t know.

‘And I’m your soulmate.’

His eyes shot up, but he remained there, bent over with his lips hovering above her palm. And in that instant, he saw how the façade had fallen as well as the mask. Insecurity, shame and sadness shone through her glassy eyes.

She had red hair like his soulmate.

She carried the name of his soulmate.

She hadn’t been intending on finding her soulmate tonight.

She’d shown deep and dark thoughts, but had shown a certain gentleness as well.

And she’d shown a humorous side as well.

It all matched.

‘I believe you are.’

They’d chosen each other, out of all people in this room.

He didn’t know how to navigate their interactions with this newly found knowledge. Just a couple of months ago, she had no wish for him. What were they to do, now that they had met and decided to like one another?

‘Now you know the truth. Now you know that I am the one who deliberately avoided you for five years. Now you know that this is the face of the woman who was kissing another man when you entered her body. Are you not disgusted? Are you not annoyed by my refusal to meet you?’

‘I don’t give a damn about your past, I never did. I always only wanted to know you. I wouldn’t have forced you to marry me if you were unwilling. I just wished to meet you, to discover the person I was matched with.’

‘I don’t wish to be your property. Or anyone’s. I don’t do well listening to men.’ She’d done enough of that, and had learned from her mistakes. She would never be as dependent on another man as she had been on Edward. She would never again rely on a man’s opinions, or allow him to decide for her.

‘Good, because I have no wish to own you.’

‘Why else would you want your soulmate?’

‘At first, I wanted you just because you were my soulmate. Then because I felt you, when you entered my body. I could feel your soul, and I admit I liked it. But then tonight I met you, and I was amazed by your spirit, your wit, your intellect, your humour, and now by your beauty. I can just imagine myself being in love with you. I only want to walk through life by your side.’

‘But, I’m poor. And I screwed up before.’

‘You said yourself that deciding on something for no one’s merit, like for the sake of society, is a horrible decision.’

‘Very well, then.’

‘You acc- you accept me?’

She bit her lip, to keep from reaching out to him.

‘I do.’

••••••••••

And if, after he asked her aunt, they disappeared in one of the dark corners she had checked before to exchange some real affection, no one had to know.

Who said a night could only be divine once a year?

••••••••••

FIN

••••••••••

For the 12 days of Sanditon challenge day 2, challenge hosted by @sanditoncreative

You can also find this story on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814399

#12 days of sanditon #sanditon #esther/babington #Charlotte/Sidney #Clara/Crowe #no beta we die like men as always

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a-dreamers-universe · 7 years ago

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Little talk about the series Anne with an E - SPOILERS AHEAD

So, I’m sorry, but this is going to be a REALLY long post… I’ve loved Lucy Maud Montgomery’s story about Anne since forever, so… sorry if this will become something incredibly long, I hope you’ll stick with me till the end.

I still remember the Japanese anime Akage no Anne coming around on television every morning when I was in Kindergarten and Primary school (and it was already almost 20 years old around then).

Years later I wondered about Anne’s story a lot (in particular about the dynamic between her and Gilbert), so I decided to read the book and eventually discovered that Anne of Green Gables’ story had not one, not two but eight books!

I know, right??? Unluckily, it wasn’t (and isn’t) very famous in my country, so I managed to read only the first, second, third and sixth book (borrowed from the library, until some months ago, when i found all the books and bought them spending an enormous amount of money T.T). Anyway, those where enough to let me understand what Anne Shirley’s story would evolve in someday (and what would’ve happen to her and Gil!).

Naturally, since I was around thirteen and had my first computer, I started to search for more and found out that in 1985 Montgomery’s first book had been adapted into a Canadian mini-series drama and later on, in 1987, the next four books had been put into another mini-series, sequel of the above.

Oh, how happy I felt when I saw my favorite literature characters on screen!

Obviously the television adaptation wasn’t perfect, but the mini-series about the first book was almost perfect and the second still kept the poetic vision of Montgomery’s books (I could talk about Anne of Green Gables - the sequel’s omissions from the books all day, but still, this isn’t the topic of the post…).

Anyway, I still felt like I missed something, I was wishing that someone would’ve made another series one day that would’ve brought to life these amazing characters at least as well as the Sullivan Entertainment did (Because, yes, nobody can ever tell me that Megan Follows and Jonathan Crombie didn’t do a great job as Anne and Gil!).

Beside a direct to television film starring Martin Sheen which… erm… wasn’t really one of the best adaptations and had so many flaws, also in the plot, that I have seen it only once and am not going to see it again (sorry, just… nah).

And beside a modern but still unexpectedly amazing web series about Anne’s first three books (if you haven’t, go and watch Green Gables Fables NOW)

I discovered that Netflix was going to make a whole tv series about this marvelous story!

I couldn’t be happier! Netflix had done really good tv series (”A series of Unfortunate Events” which I loved, for example) so I was really happy, and still am today, actually, so don’t worry, it is anyway a “yes for me”.

So… let’s really talk about this…

“Anne with an E” has been out for more or less two or three months and I’ve soaked it well enough to be able and talk about it objectively.

Things I LOVED:

Amybeth McNulty. Seriously, I love Megan Follows, she’s been my very first Anne on screen, and I will always recognize her as Miss Shirley… but Amybeth was AMAZING. I cannot even start to tell how perfect she was for the role without making my hands shake. She is my perfect description of Anne. Seriously, it’s like they took out of my mind the vision I had of Anne and put that on a real girl (which is kind of creepy, but anyway…). She was perfect in every way, she was stubborn, creative, full of joy and sorrow. I loved her.

Lucas Jade Zumman. He was great too! I still feel like Jonathan Crombie’s portrayal was slightly more on point… his Gilbert is the cutest, but still, Zumman’s performance was, as McNulty’s, completely on point with the spirit of the character. Gilbert falls in love with Anne at first sight and it is clear in every stare he glances around. Great job!

Geraldine James. This Marilla was also amazing. I also loved Colleen Dewhurts (from the Sullivan Entertainment mini-series), so it’s really hard for me to chose, but well… everything about this Marilla was great!

Anne and Gil’s moments. I know, I know, this is somehow a cliche, but I’m a really romantic girl and I love their relationship, so I have to bow to the screenwriter for writing these little moments (which aren’t in the books) that still felt canon (most of them, I’ll come to this later).

The menstruation moment. And yes, I’m going to call it as it is and not period, because it is SO IMPORTANT. Menstruations are, still today, a huge taboo in our society. It’s natural as it is catching a cold or bleeding from a wound, but somehow it is so horrible to talk about it. As a girl, a woman, a FEMALE, I find this outrageous… in particular in a post-contemporary world. So I’m glad they talked about it (Plus, I’ve always wondered how fictional character would’ve reacted in front of something so new, natural and weird… call me crazy, but I’m serious).

The Marilla - John Blythe’s moment. This is an addition that I LOVED. It’s quite normal nowadays to have flashbacks and flashforwards into stories and I was really hoping we could have something about other characters’ back story. Since this was also CANON in the books, I coulnd’t do anything but LOVE it. And the little ribbon he gave her which then Anne wore? So lovely :3

Jane Eyre’s references and titles of the episodes’ quotes. So… where do I start… Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë is my FAVOURITE BOOK OF ALL TIME. For real, if you ever ask me which book I will NEVER EVER get tired of, that’ll be it. I promise. So hearing references for the first time in another story that I loved, made me squeal of happiness. I was (and am) so excited and I totally accept Anne’s love for that story as canon.

These are basically the things I found really and utterly amazing… now, it’s time for the bad part (I know, I know, but there is unluckily plenty to say).

Things I… DIDN’T love:

Matthew Cuthbert. I’m not really talking about R. H. Thomson’s performance as an actor, because he was good and simply following the script… It’s actually the screenwriting about the character that… we could say… I loathed. I’m not over-reacting or exaggerating… I seriously hated everything that was written for him (beside of course those moments coming canonically from the book). First of all, he talked way too much and was definitely too pro-active. I mean, Matthew loves Anne with all his heart, and that’s clear in the series, but he would’ve never left his house to reach her somewhere unknown… basically because he hardly ever left his house in general (already going to the Carmody train station to fetch the new orphan was a long journey for him). So his journey across Canada’s east coast to go and find Anne… I found it a bit OOC. Secondly: Matthew Cuthbert is SCARED of women. Completely scared of them (except for Marilla, Rachel Lynd, Anne and his long gone mother). There is NO WAY he could’ve fallen in love with a girl from school. There is NO WAY he would’ve found the courage to give her a button. There is NO WAY he would’ve gone into the girl’s clothes shop and started to talk with the above said crush of his childhood. Third and most important… as I said, Matthew LOVES Anne. He loves her and Marilla very much, so there is absolutely NO WAY he would’ve EVER thought of committing suicide just because they ran out of money. The more the series went on, the more I thought that the screen writer (who anyway did a great job for other things) didn’t understand Matthew’s character AT ALL. Nope, I’m sorry, but the only thing about Matthew in this portrayal is his name.

Avonlea’s hate for Anne. Other thing I really didn’t get. Or better, I get why they used it, but I don’t get why they went for it for SO LONG. Avonlea is the beginning of a completely new life for Anne. A life full of imagination, of school, friends and flowers and new things… So why on earth did they have to make it so hard??? Seriously, it felt like the screenwriter liked Anne’s sorrow. In every single moment there were people hating on her or teasing her or hurting her feelings. In the books there are only three (let’s say four) moments which are problematic for Anne’s arrival in Avonlea: Marilla explaining to her that they wanted a boy, Rachel Lynd’s harsh words for her, Gilbert’s teasing about her hair and Josie Pye being the little miss horrible she always is. That’s it. There’s always the problem with Diana’s parents after Anne gets her drunk, but that’s quite later in the book, so it’s not a “I don’t accept an orphan in the community” kind of thing (none is Gilbert’s teasing her for her hair, but lets pretend it is, just because it is early in the book). So basically, I didn’t understand why on earth Moira Walley-Beckett felt like Anne Shirley hadn’t had enough sadness in her life and added the hate of the community, Jane Andrew’s brother picking on her being a dog every three seconds, all the girls in the school being angry with her because she walked less than 10 feets from Gilbert and all the other horrible things that happened in this series. I mean… really???

The whole “we’re making the series more feminist and more stick to reality”. Yes… I mean I’m always fine with the more truthful and the historically accurate things… I mean, I’m also totally into feminism (as Beauty and the Beast did, I’m fine with that)… it’s just that… well… Anne of Green Gables is ALREADY a feminist story. Anne is an orphan, she doesn’t know her parents, she grows up until her 11 years old on her own or without adults and still, she is AMAZING. She goes to school and she becomes the best, she often is better than an older school boys and when she isn’t better she ties. I mean, as a late Nineteenth century novel, that’s already quite ahead of the time! Anne is a feminist. She goes to high school and she graduates in half of the time it was needed to. She then goes to college and takes a degree in literature. Anne is amazing on her own, there is no need to say it so many times by letting her do weird actions who would’ve and could’ve been quite dangerous (the fire at the Gillis’ house). I don’t know, I felt they went too much with that and with the “real” thing. I know this series was supposed to be more realistic… but somehow it made me feel like it had lost the poetry of the book. I don’t know how to explain it, but Anne of Green Gables books are always filled with magic. It’s like Anne, with her imagination, could take the reader in a magical world of her own and let him/her live there for a while. In this series the imagination was often left aside, and I think it’s a shame, because I would’ve definitely rather more imagination than all those useless Avonlea inhabitants being angry at Anne’s arrival in town.

John Blythe’s death + absence of Gilbert’s mother. Let’s talk about this… was it really a good choice? I’m going to talk about Gilbert also in the next point of this list, so this won’t last a lot, but… John Blythe’s death was probably one of the worst things about the series (with Matthew’s character). Firstly, Gilbert is known to have skipped two years of school in the book because of his father’s illness. His family would’ve come back in Avonlea only if John was feeling better, Why did they come back if he was still so hill? Why did he have to die? Why??? What’s the point? I felt like the only real point was putting in the plot Marilla and John’s love story. Seriously, I really believe this. I can’t explain it to myself otherwise. And why on earth is Gil’s mother missing? Why? Why would he become an orphan? So that Anne could become more attached to him and have that really cringe moment with him when she says that he had been luckier that her because he had at least known his parents? Who actually thought that all of this would’ve been a good idea? Why would they talk like this in such an early stage of their relationship? This leads me to the next point…

Anne and Gilbert’s relationship. Basically the thing that made me think the most. Anne and Gil’s relationship in the books is so… important. What I mean with this is that when, at the end of the first book they FINALLY become friends, it is overwhelming for the reader. If you haven’t read it, just go and do it, or at least go and watch Akage no Anne (which is basically the book itself) and you’ll understand. As a reader/viewer you wait soooooo much for them to finally have a truce, that when it happens, it is the best moment ever, I was actually sobbing and laughing at the same time when I first read it. So… what happens in “Anne with an E” is somehow… too fast, let’s say underestimated. Firstly, Anne not talking to Gilbert because her friends told her not to (because Ruby has a crush on him) is utterly horrible. Ruby does have a crush on Gilbert in the books, but it doesn’t come out as a totalitarianism or a propriety over him… Ruby is one of the sweetest girls of Avonlea, why would she do that? I found that quite horrible. Plus, Anne doesn’t talk to Gilbert in the first place because he is a boy full of himself who flirts with every single girl in school and, at the same time, teases them. Then Gilbert calls her carrots and then she starts to ignore him/tries to beat him in every subject at school/doesn’t even look at that boy. What I didn’t like in this series was the fact that Gilbert looked so cute all the time and Anne felt obliged not to interact with him because she wanted to fit in. That felt like a terribly written OOC part of Anne, I’m sorry, but it is. So basically, what then went wrong because of this, was that Gilbert and Anne hardly had a month or two of competing with each other, then John Blythe died and Gilbert LEFT SCHOOL. THAT IS THE MOST OOC GILBERT BLYTHE’S ACTION I’VE EVER SEEN. That’s why I found John’s death and his wife’s absence an absolute nonsense, because they made Gil leave, and he wants to become an amazing doctor and he wants to study a lot and go to Queens, which will lead him and Anne to live close and then it will make him win a medal and Anne a scholarship, and then both will have to give up their prices because life and they will start to work as teachers before going to college and Gil will decide to change Avonlea’s school for the White Sand’s school so Anne can be closer to Green Gables, and that will let them start their amazing friendship which will later (LATEEEEEEEER) on become a BEAUTIFUL ROMANCE AND ALL OF THIS IS MISSING BECAUSE IN THIS SERIES THEY ALREADY ARE KIND OF FRIENDS BECAUSE SHE NEVER ACTUALLY HAD THE CHANCE TO HATE HIM… Yup, as you can see, I’m quite angry at this. It’s just that… Lucy Maud Montgomery built their relationship in a masterly way, and all these moments in the series (still really cute and lot of them felt like they were well made, don’t get me wrong; I mean, Anne bringing Gilbert books from school? That’s fine with me) felt like the screenwriter forgot everything Gil and Anne have to pass through before having a real friendship. I don’t know, I haven’t really been a fan of the “I would make a terrible wife” moment. Just… why?

Last, but not least, the two men who hit Jerry who start to live at Green Gables. Seriously… what is that? I already am not a fan of the whole “the Cuthberts lost all their money” because… duh, that’s what strikes Matthew’s departure at the end of the books, so how are they going to put that…? Anyway, why adding this kind of plot twist / cliffhanger at the end of it? Just, why? Please, I don’t want it to be because they want to steal the little left in the house. And please, since they’re all for the realistic stuff, please, I don’t want to see any rapes in this story. We already have so many bad things in the real world, let this little girl be… No, I’m really not a fan of this thing that happened at the end of the last episode. I wasn’t even a fan of Jerry and this friendship he builds with Anne… why is it even there? I really don’t get these additions

So, basically, I liked this series. Really, it might feel like I didn’t, but I did, and I personally recommend it a lot. I feel like it is a series with a larger target, maybe with also some male fans here and there, because it is more “realistic” and less “girlish” as a lot of people would say. I’ve always had the idea that stories are stories anyway and that there aren’t girls or boys novels, that’s actually quite a dated way of seeing literature. I believe it would be useful for girls to read books as “The Treasure Island” as much as it would be for boys to read books as “Anne of Green Gables” or “Jane Eyre”. Anyway, I know society isn’t completely ready for this and it depends on us whether the future generations will accept this or not.

I think the screenwriting of this series could’ve been done in a much better way simply sticking slightly more with Montgomery’s masterpiece… it still is a really well done tv series and the spirit of almost all the characters is still there, but the magic and poetic parts of Anne’s story are gone as well as her imagination is, and I could’t be sadder for that.

#anne of green gables #anne with an e #netflix #sullivan entertainment #anne and gilbert #anne shirley #gilbert blythe #lucy maud montgomery

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