#I live in an area where EVERYTHING about COVID

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

wait, Derin how did your leaving make the hospital shut down?

I used to work as a live-in nanny for a pediatrician.

Now, the thing about hospitals in my country is that they are massively understaffed and massively underfunded. This is especially true outside the major cities. The staff are worked to the bone and receive little to no help in things like finding accommodation or childcare, making working in rural areas a very uninviting prospect; staff come out here, get lumped with the work of three people (because there's nobody else to do it), burn out under the workload and leave, meaning that those remaining have even more work because that person is gone. It's unsustainable and the medical staff are doing their best to sustain it, because people die if they don't, so to the higher-ups it looks like everything's getting done and therefore everything is fine.

My friend (and boss) worked one week on, one week off, swapping out with another pediatrician. This was necessary because it would not be physically possible for one person to handle the workload for longer periods of time. The one single pediatrician had to hold up the entire pediatrics ward, which was not only the only public hospital pediatrics ward in our town, but also the one that served all the towns around us for a few hours' drive in all directions. I regularly saw her go to work sick, aching, tired, or with a debilitating 'I can barely make words or see' level migraine, because if she took a day off, twenty children didn't get healthcare that day, and some of these kids' appointments were scheduled weeks in advance. She'd work long hours in the day and then be called in a couple of times overnight for an hour or two at a time (she was on-call at night too, because somebody had to be), and then go in the next day. Sometimes she would be forced to take a day off because she physically could not stay awake for longer than a few minutes at a time, meaning she couldn't drive to work.

Cue my niece's second birthday coming up in Melbourne. I'd been working for her for about 3 years, and she (and the hospital) had plenty of advance warning that I (and therefore she) needed one (1) Friday off. That's fine, we'll find someone to work that Friday, the hospital said. Right up until the last week where they're like "oh, we can't find a replacement; you can come in, can't you?"

No, she tells them; I don't have anyone to watch my kid that day.

Oh, surely you can hire a babysitter for this one day, they say. Think of the children! We really really need you to work that day. I know we said it'd be fine but we need you now, there's no one else to do it.

There are no other babysitters, she told them. Unless you can find one?

That's not our responsibility, they said.

But I'm not changing my plans, she's got plans by now as well, the hospital knew about this one day weeks in advance, and with absolutely no reserve staff they're forced to reschedule all pediatrics appointments for that Friday. Not a huge deal, it happens on the 'physically too overworked to get out of bed' days too. I go to Melbourne, she goes back to her home in Adelaide for her recovery week, all should be on track.

My niece gives me Covid.

This was way back in the first wave of the pandemic, and there were no Covid vaccines yet. The rules were isolate, mask up, hope. I had Covid in the house, and it would've been madness for my friend and her toddler to come back into the Covid house instead of staying in Adelaide. There was absolutely no way that a pediatrician could live with someone in quarantine due to Covid and go to work in the hospital with sick children every day. And no support existed for finding another babysitter, or temporary accommodation, so the hospital was down a pediatrician.

The other pediatrician wasn't available to do a three-week stint. They were also trapped in Adelaide on their well-earned week off.

Meaning that the only major pediatrics ward within a several-hour radius had no pediatricians. They had to shut down and send all urgent cases to Adelaide for the week. To the complete absence of surprise of any of the doctors or nurses; of course this would happen, this was bound to happen, it presumably keeps happening. But probably to the surprise of the higher-ups. After all, the hospital was doing fine, right? Of course all the staff were complaining of overwork and a lack of resources in every meeting, but they could always be fobbed off with the promise of more help sometime in the future; the work was mostly getting done, so the issue couldn't be too urgent.

It's not like some nanny who doesn't even work for the hospital could go out of town for a weekend for the first time in three years, and get the only public pediatrics ward in the area shut down for a week.

[sleepymccoy]

Per one single request (and that is all I need to carry on) here is an expansion of my tags on this post

What even is dementia?

Basically, it's an umbrella term. It describes a set of common symptoms, primarily worsening cognitive loss.

It's kind of like saying you have a cold. A cold is not a diagnosis, it's a grouping of different illnesses, like rhino virus (the most common), influenza, covid, the list goes on.

So, you can have dementia and Alzheimer's, but you wouldn't describe yourself as having both. You'd say "I have a type of dementia, Alzheimer's disease." In the same way you'd say, "I have a cold, I think it's just a rhino virus but it's a whopping my ass."

So why'd you pick Alzheimer's for that example?

Well, Alzheimer's disease is the most common type of dementia. It's where all the stereotypes you'd know about it come from. This is gonna be a text heavy post, so have a graph

University of Queensland

Before I talk about them in more detail though, what's a brain?

Your brain is made up of segments that control different specific bits of your body.

I always knew that if you hit the back of your head you might go blind, cos the eye and sight stuff happens at the back of the head. This is true.

I love a copyright warning on a photo. This post constitutes personal use

Alright! An important thing about dementia is that it moves through the brain steadily, going piece by piece. It doesn't do it all at once. So you have a starting spot, and a progressive loss of cognition as it kills your neurons. We figure out the dementia type by the symptoms, cos the brain is so defined

So if you hit the back of your head, the green occipital lobe in that picture, you mess with your sight. If you lose cognition in the back of your head your eyes are seeing fine, but your cognition loss makes you process that sight incorrectly. What you see can be completely different to what other people see. This is posterior cortical atrophy, and I bring it up because we know someone who died from it, this is Terry Pratchett's dementia subtype

It's not on the above graph cos it's quite a rare type

Where's Alzheimer's start?

In the kinda middle bit, the temporal lobe. Memory, ya know. And once it takes your memory it'll move on, but it's not always the same, so people living with Alzheimer's disease will developed varying symptoms as the disease progresses, which takes many years. Sometimes people get a diagnosis of mixed dementia cos it's doing a few lobes at once. Or they have another quite different type of dementia at the some time

I'm not gonna talk about Alzheimer's much cos if you know anything about how dementia goes, you probably know it from Alzheimer's disease.

Let's go through a few others

Vascular dementia is the next biggie!

It's a curious one, this is stroke related. So, when you get a stroke you often lose cognition in the affected area of the brain. That's not dementia, that's a stroke!

But if you get lots and lots of strokes, constantly, that's a type of dementia. Cos you're getting steadily cognitively worse

(this is a good time to remind people that dementia is not a diagnosis or even a type of illness like cancer, it is a descriptive umbrella of common symptoms. The underlying causes can be wildly different)

Vascular dementia doesn't follow our moves steadily though the brain model, cos the strokes can and do happen anywhere. It's rough

What am I talking about, they're all rough. It'll get rougher

Lewy bodies dementia

Often cross diagnosed with Parkinson's disease dementia, it just depends if you get the physical or cognitive symptoms first.

Lewy bodies doesn't tend to have any memory loss. I know, no one thinks that's possible! But this is a dementia without memory loss! Cognitive loss is not the same thing as memory loss, theres other cognitive thing you can lose. That's why they're different words I guess

Of course, in all dementias eventually everything goes. Cos it's progressive, it keeps progressing

Lewy bodies is more likely to cause physical impacts like shaking and shuffling gait. You'll also hallucinate, have delusion, sleep badly, and experience mood swings.

From a care perspective, the people living with Lewy bodies disease are vastly more likely to be violent than any other person living with dementia

Robin Williams had this one, but he never knew. They confirmed via autopsy. So I'm gonna add a fun gif of him cos he was lovely

There's a lot of other disease/illness induced dementias

Huntington's turns into dementia eventually. HIV too. If you have down syndrome you have an extra gene that will always turn into dementia if you live long enough (that's one of our few 100% rates). Alcohol related dementia. So on and so forth. There's a shit tonne of types

Anyway, thats enough about disease progression. I'll talk out a few more common misunderstandings and then post

Is dementia fatal?

Sure is. Most people will die of something else while they have dementia, cos age often comes with comorbidities, but if the only thing you have is Alzheimer's disease it will still kill you. It's taking out your brain cells, eventually you'll forget how to swallow and choke.

Honestly tho it's more likely you'll die 'by accident' due to doing something you didn't realise was dangerous, like going for a walk wearing nothing at night and developing hypothermia. That is a dementia-caused death, I think we can all see that, but it'll be written down as hypothermia. So reported deaths are lower than what's true

Alzheimer's takes 10 - 30 years for the neuron loss to be extreme enough to kill you outright. Lewy bodies is more like 5 - 7 years. There's a range and the ranges are poorly defined, quiz your GP if this ever comes up in your life

It's an old person disease, right?

Overwhelmingly yes. It's considered younger onset if you're less than 65. But from the graph above you can see that's a big enough proportion to get its own slot

But kids don't get it

Sure they do, childhood dementia is a whole thing. It's awful. People are born with it. Again, dementia isn't an illness type, it's a symptom grouping. Kids can be born with progressive, worsening cognitive loss. So while it's not Alzheimer's disease, it is dementia. It's like 1 in 3000 kids have some kind of childhood dementia, and most die before they reach adulthood.

It's untreatable

It is incurable (but they keep researching!) but we have treatments for the early stages. If you or a loved one is experiencing confusion and memory loss, get moving early and you might be able to delay the worsening of symptoms for a few years. It's not a cure, but it's better than nothing. And it's all we've got

How do you, op, know?

I have a master's degree in dementia, and I work in the field. Not naming my job cos I'm not speaking for them rn, I'm just presenting what I know personally

Gonna end the post there. Send me asks or questions or whatever, I'll try and answer. If I get enough asking the same thing I'll do another post expanding on that ❤️❤️❤️

[maximoffcarter]

It'll be okay.

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.

Warnings: Mentions of COVID.

Summary: Emily Prentiss was known to always taking care of her team, taking full responsibility of everything, taking the blame, making sure they were okay, etc. But, it was true that she never let anyone know the hard time she was having, that was until y/n entered her life.

A/n: This was requested by anon, and gotta say I dunno if this is even good but I wrote what I felt was right. It’s angst with comfort and fluff😌 I added some backstory cause why nooooot? I mostly based this on the first episode, and maybe after the season ends, I'll do a better one, but I believe this was good enough for now haha. Our baby really does need some comfort and a goddamn break🥹 I also did not proof read this, I never do until it's too late haha, so my apologies. Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

*not my gif*

COVID had definitely taken a toll on the BAU, not only had the world stopped but a lot of things had happened then. People died, people left, the world entirely changed, and there was no stopping, no one could actually stop it. Emily Prentiss had tried to make it work, to make things a little easier as she tried to focus on her job every single day, drowning in paperwork, zoom meetings, not being able to freely do what they were so used on doing, it had been a hard year. Not only that, but the fact that her breakup had been so messy, but that was the least of all the other things she was going through. Emily thought it couldn’t have gone worse, but then y/n was very present in her life. It was funny the day where it all had gone down.

It was the end of the most painful and difficult year, 2021 was about to arrive, just a week for the so awaited new year. And it so happened that on Christmas day, Emily had gotten COVID. She was in complete denial of being sick, more so because she needed to work, and she also had nothing to help her with the undeniable symptoms; the unbearable headache and body ache, the obvious fever, the terrible cold that her body felt, the stupid and annoying coughing and the stupid stuffed nose. Yes, there was no denial she was sick, but of course she wouldn’t admit how bad it was. But that didn’t stop y/n from going into action and deciding to go to Emily. Emily had been on the phone with her a few hours earlier, and when y/n noticed how bad this had gotten, she couldn’t stop herself from getting everything she needed and off to Emily’s house she was.

“What…on earth are you doing h-here.” Emily was interrupted with a cough, her hand soon landing on her chest as she felt the horrible pain as she coughed.

“I’m here to take care of you. Go to the living room, need to keep our distance.” Y/n said softly as she adjusted her face mask, getting a bottle of spray out.

Emily furrowed her brows but went ahead to the living room, soon enough grabbing a face mask and turning back to look at y/n. “I’m fine, you don’t have to stay here.”

“Oh, but I do. We’re close to get the vaccine, I cannot have you stopping at the hospital just because you were too stubborn to accept that you’re really sick.” Y/n sprayed the whole area where Emily had just been, and then turned to look at her with a raised brow. “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. You stay in your room, I’ll sleep on the couch, you can only use your room and bathroom. I’ll be bringing you food and medication, already talked to a doctor. If we don’t see any progress, we’ll have to go to the hospital, which I hope, you’ll cooperate, Prentiss.”

Emily just stared at her, a bit surprised on how y/n had become so bossy, but she also couldn’t blame her, knowing perfectly well that she’d probably die on her own. “Got it. I will.”

Y/n nodded. “Good, now I’ll go disinfect your room first. You stay here while I do that, no touching anything anymore. Though, I will clean here too.”

Emily couldn’t help the small smile that spread through her face as she nodded, thankful that the face mask was covering it. “Got it boss.”

Y/n grinned softly as she nodded. “Good, I’ll be right back. Bed stuff?”

“Closet, second drawer, and the blankets are on top.”

Emily would be lying if she said she wasn’t happy to have y/n here. Ever since y/n joined the team, somehow, they had become inseparable, even if she tried to get her to work with the whole team, before she even thought about it, she was already saying that y/n would go with her, and of course, that didn’t go unnoticed by Tara, JJ and Penelope, but they never mentioned anything, even more when Emily ended up with a boyfriend. That of course till this day, Emily thought so much about how she had forced herself to actually like someone just so she wouldn’t feel so alone. But the one person she had actually wanted…had been y/n. And now having her here, willing to take care of her even if she knew there was a risk that she could get sick, it was everything for Emily.

Emily slowly opened her eyes as she heard her door opening. She looked up and smiled softly as she noticed y/n walking in with a tray of food. “Hey. Did I sleep a lot?”

Y/n looked at Emily and smiled, carefully putting the tray of food on the nightstand. “For like an hour and a half. It’s good that you’re sleeping.” She grabbed the thermometer and placed it on Emily’s forehead. She sighed relieved and offered a small smile. “It’s coming down, finally.”

Emily smiled. “And the headache is not as bad.”

“No, Prentiss. I will not leave, it’s good you’re getting better but no way I’m leaving in the next few days.” Y/n raised her brow as she placed back the thermometer in its place.

“I was not going to say anything about that.” Emily chuckled softly. “Just…thank you.” She smiled softly as she sat on her bed.

Y/n nodded softly. “You welcome.” She smiled as she looked at Emily. “So…I ordered some groceries for tomorrow, we’ll have our own Christmas celebration.”

Emily’s heart stopped for a moment, her eyes widening. “Oh my…tomorrow is Christmas! Y/n, you shouldn’t be here. I’m sure you have-“

“Ah, stop.” Y/n grinned softly. “I have nothing to do, and I wouldn’t want to spend my Christmas any differently. What better way to celebrate it than with a sick Emily Prentiss? Such a great gift.” She chuckled softly as she grabbed the tray and placed it on Emily’s legs.

Emily’s heart swelled as she stared at y/n, a small smile on her face. “If you say so.”

“I do say so.” Y/n smiled softly. “Eat that, I’ll bring your medication.”

Emily watched her leave and her smile widened even more. All these years, she had been taking care of herself, not letting anyone in because she knew how that’d end up. She had never liked to be taken care of, but she loved to make sure that her loved ones were always good taken care of. So now, y/n doing all of this…it made her realize that maybe, just maybe…she did feel the same way.

********************

Emily groaned softly as she stretched, slowly opening her eyes to the sound of a groan and then a small whisper. As she looked up, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes, she furrowed her brows as she noticed y/n moving a small table and placing it in the middle of the door. She tilted her head in curiosity as a small, silly smile spread across her face. “What are you doing?”

Y/n looked up at Emily and smiled, her cheeks turning slightly red. “Oh uh…moving a table?”

“And…leaving it right in the middle of the door?” Emily raised her brow.

“Okay don’t laugh but…I thought this could be a way for us to have Christmas lunch together.”

Emily’s face softened as she stared at her, her cheeks turning red and not for the fever. She grinned softly. “Charming.”

“I tend to be.” Y/n grinned softly. “Grab your chair and I’ll bring the food.”

Emily smiled softly and did just as she was told, grabbing the chair that was just might the closet and sitting down in front of the table. She smiled softly as y/n came back with a chair for herself and started brought Emily her plate already with food and her drink. They ate together and right after they talked about everything but work, laughing as they told old stories about themselves and even some stories with the team. Y/n was fascinated just listening to Emily talk, loving that she had chosen the idea of spending Christmas with her, and that Emily had allowed her to take care of her. As for Emily, even if she was tired, she was enjoying every moment she was spending with y/n. As she watched her talk, she kept wondering in her mind if she was right or she was wrong about her suspicions, smiling softly without even noticing.

Y/n furrowed her brows and tilted her head as she stared at Emily. “What?” She hugged a chuckle.

“What?” Emily snapped out of her trance. “Oh! No, nothing. I’m sorry.”

Y/n chuckled. “You should get back to bed and sleep, I’ll clean up and wake you up for your pills.”

“Wait!” Emily coughed, grabbing her glass of water, and taking a deep breath afterwards. “I uh…have a question.”

“Yes?”

Emily took a deep breath, feeling her body still pretty much aching and getting all warm. “Why are you doing this?”

Y/n furrowed her brows again. “I…because I didn’t want you to be alone, Em.”

“Is that the only reason?” Emily raised her brow, a small smile on her face.

Y/n tilted her head as she smiled shyly, looking down at her glass. “Well…I don’t wanna get fired after what I have to say.”

“Which is?”

“You’re a profiler, Em. Isn’t it obvious?” Y/n blushed slightly as she looked back at her. “I…care a lot about you. Which means…that I like you…a lot.” She whispered softly as she nibbled on her lip.

Emily smiled softly as she nodded, tilting her head. “And you’re also a profiler, y/n. Isn’t it obvious?”

Y/n’s eyes widened slightly as she stared at Emily. “Wait…are you serious?”

“If I wasn’t sick and this table wasn’t in the middle of us, I’d be kissing you right now.” Emily smirked softly.

Y/n’s lips parted slightly as she stared at Emily, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Is the fever making you talk?”

Emily laughed softly, coughing afterwards, and placing her hand on her chest. “No, no…I’m…I’m serious.” She smiled.

“We’re gonna check back once you’re not sick.” Y/n grinned. “But for now…this could be considered our first date.”

“And I’d like to take you in a second date…next year.” Emily joking as she grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re so funny, Prentiss. But I accept.” She smiled softly.

Emily laughed softly as she nodded, feeling her heart beating faster as y/n kept staring at her with that beautiful smile on her face. After all, there was something good out of this pandemic.

********************

It wasn’t new that y/n saw Emily drowning in work, not after all the changed that the BAU had over the years. Having JJ back had at least eased things, but Rossi losing his wife, not having Penelope around, a whole new case that fell into their lap, Bailey not helping at all, Emily was losing her mind. But once she had most of her team back, including Penelope, things didn’t seem to be so bad…until they were, again. Y/n always had her eyes on Emily, the entire time, they both had promised that their relationship wouldn’t interfere with work, it wouldn’t change the way they worked, and it also wouldn’t stop them, meaning that things would stay just like they were before. Of course, the team was now aware of their relationship, and they were happy that at least, there was something to look forward to -Penelope joking that she was already planning the wedding…they believed she was joking-.

But once the whole ‘Gold Star’ started, y/n noticed how Emily just kept getting home late, trying to drown herself in work and compensate for what had happened. She had tried her best to be there for her and let Emily know that it had not been her fault, and that she had done what she and the team had thought was right. Emily tried to hide everything that she was feeling to not let y/n and the team figure out that she was having a hard time, but y/n knew better, she could now see through Emily, but she also knew not to push her. Even if it killed her to know that Emily was having a hard time.

“Hey, so where’s Emily? Thought she’d be here.” JJ snapped y/n out of her trance, making her look up at her while JJ offered a small smile.

“Oh…she had uh…she had something to do.” Y/n tried her best to smile but they knew better.

“Work, huh? She feels…guilty about Bailey?” Tara asked as she turned to look at y/n.

Y/n sighed softly as she nodded. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We know Emily. There’s not much we can do if she doesn’t want to talk.” Tara said softly as she placed her hand on y/n’s shoulder.

“But I’m her girlfriend. I mean…I should at least…I don’t know. Try harder?” Y/n shrugged. “I just want Emily to know that I’m here…”

JJ sighed softly. “Well, I’m sure she knows, she’s just…trying to deal with her stuff.”

Y/n nodded softly as she looked back at JJ, smiling softly. She felt her phone vibrating and got it out of her pocket, furrowing her brows as she saw Emily’s text. Soon enough she was saying goodbye to everyone and then heading back to the office. It felt a little weird to be here so late, the whole office was silent and almost dark, Emily’s office was the only one that had its light on. Y/n took a deep breath as she noticed Emily walking around her office and then stopping by the window. She wanted to support her in every possible way, but she was also afraid that Emily was overworking herself and that didn’t sit right with her. She slowly walked to Emily’s office and leaned against the doorframe, trying her best to smile as Emily turned to look at her.

“Hey you.” Y/n smiled softly.

Emily offered a smile in return. “I’m sorry I made you leave Penelope’s birthday.”

“I was going to anyway.” Y/n shrugged. “What’s going on?”

Emily sighed softly. “We need to talk.”

Y/n felt her heart drop for a moment as she stared at Emily. She could only nod, not trusting her voice as she felt her body slightly trembling as she waited for Emily to say anything at all, but instead, she walked to y/n, grabbed her hand, and kissed it softly, offering a smile as she pulled y/n with her. Soon enough, they were on the ceiling, Emily had sat down and had pulled out a box of cigarettes, catching y/n off guard for a moment, but also keeping in mind how incredibly hot it was to see her smoke. Seriously, y/n…not the time. She crossed her arms and listened to everything Emily had to say, and again, she felt helpless as she listened to Emily, wanting nothing more than to be able to fix all this with a snap of her finger and be able to take Emily anywhere so she could relax.

“Well, you’ve been doing your homework.” Y/n teased as she walked closer to Emily and grabbed the cigarette putting it in her mouth before she returned it to Emily.

Emily scoffed. “Well…we need to get to the end of this.”

Y/n nodded, sighing softly, and looked away for a moment. “So…you think he’s government trained or something?”

“He’s definitely too proficient to be self-taught.”

“And that’s why they’re keeping it a secret.” Y/n tilted her head as she looked back at Emily. “I know that you’ve been overprotective after what happened…but we need to let the team know about this. You know that working together, we’ll get it done.”

Emily sighed softly as she nodded. “I know.” She nibbled on her lip for a moment as she looked at y/n. “Baby…I need you to promise me that whatever we do here, I need you to be safe. We see what he does…what has happened so far. I cannot…” her voice cracked for a moment, looking down at the floor as she put back the cigarette in her mouth.

Y/n sighed softly as she walked to Emily, positioning herself in between her legs and placing her hands on her cheeks, tilting her head up so their eyes locked. “I will promise you that if you promise me the same.” She smiled softly. “Em, I need you to take a break too. You’ve barely been home, you’ve barely been sleeping. I will make the promise if you promise me you’ll also take care of yourself.”

Emily took a deep breath, moving her free hand to y/n’s hips, offering a small smile. “Alright. I will.”

Y/n smiled softly as she leaned down to kiss Emily’s forehead. “You’re stubborn, Prentiss. If I don’t take care of you, you won’t.”

“That’s why I have you. Couldn’t have it any other way.” Emily chuckled softly, leaning up slightly to kiss her lips while she put out the cigarette.

Y/n smiled against her lips. “I know I should be forbidding you from smoking but…did you know you look extremely hot smoking?”

Emily chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her closer. “No but thank you.” She grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully and then leaned down to kiss her lips again. “Let’s go call Garcia.”

********************

Y/n could only stare at Emily while everyone else talking, giving their thoughts about the video they had just watched. she couldn’t really concentrate on what they were even talking about, part of her was trying to comprehend everything, work with them, say anything at all, but her mind was entirely focused on Emily. The moment Rossi and Emily had walked into the office, she could tell that there was something wrong with Emily; the way she stared at them, the way she talked, her eyes seemed…lost. She tried to keep up with everything, every now and then feeling JJ’s eyes on her, even Tara’s, but her eyes were only focused on Emily.

“Em?” Y/n asked softly as they all left the room, walking to Emily and taking her hand. “Are you alright?”

Emily looked back at her and furrowed her brows. “Yes. Why are you asking?”

Y/n tilted her head slightly as she raised her brow. “That was not nothing. What you and Rossi saw…and you…you don’t look okay.”

Emily shrugged. “It’s part of the job, isn’t it?”

Y/n sighed softly. “Emily, I-“

“Right now, we need to focus on this case. We might have something important here. I know I promised, but we also promised we wouldn’t change the way we work here. Right now, we’re at work, and we need to focus on that.” Emily said softly but firmly, not wanting to sound rude or harsh, but the way she looked at y/n, with stress and frustration, made y/n’s insides turn.

Y/n nodded softly as she let go of Emily’s hand. “Right.”

Emily only nodded before she left, leaving y/n standing there, not knowing what to do or say. She knew working together wouldn’t be the easiest thing ever, but she couldn’t help it, and Emily couldn’t blame her for worrying. Y/n had stayed behind with JJ at the office, she had tried to brush it off and focus on their main task. But again, once they came back, y/n noticed it again, she noticed the way Emily rubbed her temple and went straight to her office. She didn’t say anything, she stayed with JJ as she let Emily have a minute. She was right, they had made it clear things wouldn’t change, and so far, it had worked out, and she was not about to stress Emily more.

********************

Y/n closed the door behind her and sighed softly as she locked it, standing there staring at it as she took a deep breath before she turned to walk to their room. Emily was already sitting on the bed, taking off her shoes. Y/n said nothing, walking to the bed and also sitting down and doing the same as Emily. Silence surrounded them for a moment for a while, y/n knew it was stupid that Emily’s words had hit her the way they did, but she couldn’t help it, she knew that if it was the other way around, Emily wouldn’t drop it until y/n accepted that Emily was right, but in this case, which was not even an option.

But then she heard a soft groan coming from Emily, and as she turned, she noticed Emily’s head in her hands, and y/n was back to feeling worried. She stood up slowly and walked around the bed, kneeling right in front of Emily, and positioning herself in between her legs, her hands on top of Emily’s as she leaned her head against Emily’s.

“Em…” Y/n whispered softly.

“I’m exhausted.” Emily breathed out, her voice cracking slightly. “I don’t know what’s going on, nothing seems right, everything seems to be against us, to be against me. It’s like they want me to resign so badly, they want…they want the BAU to disappear. I don’t know what they want from me, I cannot just drop this, not after everything we’ve been through.” She said quietly as she felt her eyes getting teary, not being able to look up at y/n. “They’re making us get involved with a fucking serial killer. What has gotten into their minds?! What are they hiding?!”

Y/n wrapped her arms around her, only being able to hold Emily tightly as she started sobbing. Emily knew that she was overworking herself, that she was doing too much, she was obsessing too much, but there was no chance to back down, she couldn’t just let it happen, she couldn’t let them win. But she felt so…heavy. Everything hurt, her head felt like exploding, her chest felt heavy, she had felt the usual anxiety creep in her body, she felt worse than she had years ago. She sobbed quietly as she felt y/n tightening her embrace, Emily suddenly wrapping her arms around y/n’s neck, feeling bad for the weird position they were in, but needing y/n to hold her so badly, she’d worry about the position later.

“I can’t just drop this.” Emily whispered as she buried her face on y/n’s neck, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I know. And we won’t drop it. I’ll be by your side.” Y/n whispered softly.

“I’m sorry I’m so stubborn…”

Y/n shook her head, smiling softly as she turned to kiss the side of her head. “But you’re mine. You can be as stubborn as you want.”

Emily chuckled softly as she pulled away, looking into y/n’s eyes. “I’m sorry that I’ve been drowning myself in this case.”

Y/n sighed softly. “I don’t blame you, Emily.” She rubbed Emily’s back softly as she leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I just don’t want you falling sick for so much stress. I don’t want you to get stuck in this to the point where you can’t notice that you’re putting everything and you’re putting yourself in danger.” She said softly as she looked into Emily’s eyes. “I’m just worried about you.”

Emily nodded as she let out a shaky breath. “I know. I won’t keep anything else from you, I promise. And…I’ll come to you when it’s too much.”

Y/n nodded as she smiled. “Em…baby, look at me.” She ran her fingers through her hair as Emily locked her eyes on hers. “I’m here for you, no matter what. The good and the bad, you’re not a burden to me, okay? I love you. And you’re not alone.”

Emily’s eyes filled with tears as her face softened, her body slightly trembling as she finally gave up and let tiredness take over her. She took a deep shaky breath, nodding her head as more tears rolled down her cheeks. Y/n rapidly wrapped her into another tight hug, letting Emily bury her face on her neck and sob as much as she needed. They stayed like that for a while, y/n rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings while Emily cried. It was becoming too much, and Emily knew this wasn’t even the half of it and there was so much more to come, but for now, for now she had y/n, she was present in this moment. Y/n gave her the space to break and make her feel like she deserved to have this sort of moment even if they still made her feel weak, but she knew her lover would never judge her, not like she had been judged before. After a moment, she finally felt like she had gotten everything out, slowly moving back but resting her forehead against y/n’s, not wanting to be away.

“Thank you…” Emily whispered softly.

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Because you always take care of me even if you don’t have to.” Emily smiled through her tears.

Y/n smiled softly pulling away just enough to wipe her tears and stroke her cheek. “And I’ll be here to do it over and over again. If I risked my life with COVID, why not now?” She grinned a little.

Emily rolled her eyes playfully. “Well, it kept you in my apartment for a whole month. Not my fault you were so eager to kiss me.” She teased back.

Y/n gasped softly. “In my defense, you were supposed to be out of risk, and also, I couldn’t help it when I had you right in front of me. We had become girlfriends, and I hadn’t even kissed you yet.”

“That’s true.” Emily chuckled softly as she leaned in and kissed her forehead. “And I got to take care of you.”

Y/n nodded. “We’ve got each other’s back. You take care of me, and I take care of you.” She smiled softly.

Emily smiled and nodded softly. “Yes.” She rested her forehead against y/n’s once again. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” Y/n smiled softly and sighed softly as she closed her eyes for a moment. After a while, she moved to kiss Emily’s nose and offer another smile. “C’mon, let’s take a bath together. I’ll bring some wine and snacks.”

Emily smiled softly and nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

Y/n nodded before she got up, but as she was about to leave, Emily pulled her back to her, making her turn back to Emily who was now standing. “Yes?”

Emily smiled softly as she shook her head. “Nothing.” She placed her hand on y/n’s neck and brought their lips together into a tender kiss. “I love you.” She whispered softly against her lips.

Y/n giggled. “I love you too.” She whispered back and kissed her lips one more time before she walked out of the room.

Emily knew there was still a very long way, she had no idea what they were getting into, a lot of stress was coming their way, but she knew that as soon as she walked into their house, she’d be able to leave that stress behind at least for a while. This little bubble they had created for themselves was everything to Emily, and what got her to keep going. And that was all she needed.

[baeddel]

on the racist riots in Belfast

i made a post in 2021 titled "dispatch on the unrest in Belfast" (click) trying to provide some local-knowledge context for the sectarian riots in town. i have no such special knowledge to offer this time. it has been, to be honest, shocking to me how many people came to them and how well organized they were. we have seen an increasing prevalence of anti-immigrant racism in the north in recent years; graffiti saying "locals only" (simple meaning: "whites only") on council houses going to market has been reported on since 2014 (click, 2018 click, 2023 click), for example. and in 2022 the PSNI released a report stating that hate crimes of every kind, including racist hate crimes, had reached the highest of any year since they began counting in 2004/5 (click). according to the BBC as of 2014 "on average a racially motivated offence takes place at least once a day" in Belfast (click) and it has only risen since that. but it was obviously not organized at this scale before. my girlfriend remarked that this was the first time Northern Ireland has had a race riot and i think, assuming we treat sectarian riots as something else, that may be true? (the UK-wide 1919 race riots did not seem to affect Ireland from what i could find and anyway were a bit before partition; otherwise they are quite similar to what is happening today).

perhaps no further context is really possible to give; they are race riots and they are happening because of racism. nevertheless i will try and write down some things i've thought about it.

in the 2021 post i talked about the nature of the disorder, where if you looked at the footage mostly people stood on the pavement and watched while the professionals—loyalist paramilitaries—handled the direct action (hijacking and burning busses and such). that is because these demonstrations were organized by the paramilitaries and everyone must obey them. that is not the case here; the crowds attack people of colour and immigrants, their homes or businesses owned by them, wherever they can find them. if they were kicked out of one area they went somewhere else and did it there; or else they did it where they lived as on Sandy Row. so it seems to be genuinely spontaneous and not directed from above.

the paramilitaries claim they did not organize it (the Belfast Telegraph quote what they call a 'senior loyalist' saying "[w]e didn’t start this, we aren’t behind it" click—what a demonstrative article, by the way, the police asking the paramilitaries for help with population control!). they say that about everything, but i think i believe them this time for that reason. it doesn't look paramilitary. i suppose whoever organized it must be taking orders from England. however, we are aware of at least some involvement by paramilitaries. the rightists who travelled up from Ireland were identified by PSNI and Gardaí to be fraternizing with UDA men (click). blueshirts associating with loyalists is not really surprising but i am not sure it has happened before. PSNI also claim there is a "paramilitary element" within the racist riots but are reluctant to say they're behind them (click).

i have talked before about how loyalism has felt a bit of a transition from an armed struggle into something that looks like a popular movement, with demonstrations and direct action becoming the main source of spectacle. it's possible there is a gradual transition towards this point, where paramilitary hierarchy becomes secondary to a spontaneously organized reactionary movement.

it also fits into a pattern that i have talked about before (click, also here), which is that democracy in the north has undergone dramatic changes recently. whereas in the past the national conversation dominated politics, today ordinary issues of civil society are decisive. the DUP lost their monopoly on unionist voters because of how they handled COVID, the border, the cost of living and so forth—problems a normal political party is expected to solve, not a party holding down a sovereignty under siege as they were supposed to be—and that's why SF got the majority. immigration is one such 'normal' political issue, and racist violence breaks out in Belfast in a way that doesn't differ substantially to how it breaks out at the same time in a normal country like England.

speaking of the fracturing of the DUP, i felt that it was significant that we could name, as a precipitating event, the fracturing of the right wing parties in general. in the north of Ireland the DUP lost much of its support, but no single party could replace it; several unionist parties now leech its vote, while moderate unionists vote for Alliance. and in the recent election the Tories lost to Labour, but they also lost many seats to Reform. between SF and Labour we are in an era where for the first time in a long time the UK is governed by center left parties, meanwhile it is unclear what opposition has the mandate of the right-wing voter. this means that for a right wing person electoral party politics looks like an ambiguous, distant and unrewarding terrain of struggle. perhaps that is a background condition as to why racist propagandists have been able to mobilize so many people into joining these events.

something else that struck me as possibly a precipitating event is that for the better part of a year we've had extremely active and persistent organizing around Palestine in the UK, in terms of demonstrations, direct action and even in electoral politics (with several independent candidates who care about Gaza taking seats from Labour in the last election). thus, right-wing racists have seen news about pro-Palestine organizing almost every day for a long time. we know that here in the north when Palestinian flags are flown it isn't long before Israel flags are flown in response. i think it's possible to see the specifically anti-Islamic character of the riots as a kind of counter-revolution or reaction to Palestine.

those were the thoughts i had to share. on Friday 9th (today as i write this) there is a racist demonstration planned, as well as a counter-protest. the counter-protest is backed by NIPSA (a big NI union) as well as the Belfast City Council (! click), so perhaps it will be big. it starts at 4:30pm. stay safe.

[a-d-nox]

pluto in aquarius: a prediction of what's to come

this is a huge astrological event, pluto is moving into aquarius for the first time since the late 1700s. last time pluto was in aquarius america fought for independence from britain, uranus was discovered, the french revolution began, the bill of rights was ratified, etc.

so for day one, i want to create predictions of what is to come!

some house matters!!!

TWO PLUTO RETROGRADES WILL OCCUR - june 11th - jan 20th, 2024 is the first so we won't see too much wildness just yet as pluto will return into capricorn during this time and THE FINAL RETROGRADE BACK INTO CAPRICORN will be september 1st, 2024 - november 19th, 2024. then we are full steam ahead with pluto in aquarius until march 9th, 2043.

i personally am NOT a witch or anything wild, everything i am saying is purely theoretical - it is not fated to happen just because i am saying it. i am simply socially aware. i know what's up generally in the world today and what was up in world in the 1700s - "history typically repeats itself."

i live in the usa so my post likely will be slightly more focused there examples wise so i apologize in advance! feel free to comment, dm, or reblog with other examples from your country based on my prediction key phrases.

i am going to start light and get darker so mentally prepare yourself for that (tw: STI/STD outbreaks, war, 9/11, COVID-19, and other abrasive topics that may make people uncomfortable depending on where they are currently reading from) - but we are talking about pluto so... expect the unexpected?!

let's do this.

renewable energy sources

aquarius is electricity, light, inventions, electronics, telephones, televisions, etc while pluto can be change! i recently bought a new tv and the back of the remote has a solar panel instead of a battery pack. i do believe we will see more evolution with technology; perhaps we will see solar changed phones! otherwise pluto is also pollution and natural disasters - the climate is in crisis mode perhaps we will see more responsibility and thus changes in our sourcing of energy! example: recently i read that japan has a great source of geothermal energy. currently the conversion to using this source (instead of coal, gas, and nuclear energy) is being held up by a higher up in the hot spring business who claims switching to a new energy system "threatens centuries-old traditions" (bang - a capricorn term - tradition - so perhaps after the retrogrades are through we will see a major shift in energy sourcing).

general technological advancements/inventions

last time pluto was in aquarius the cotton gin was invented; which aided in quicker production of goods and higher demand for american cotton. i strongly believe this is a general indicator that AI is going to become an even bigger part of day to day life. i have seen AI already replace those who take orders in the panera drive thru, there is a higher demand for philosophy/english grads to help teach AI, etc. aquarius is also new teachers/occupations so AI could become the new teachers OR new careers could be coming in the area of interacting with AI generally so it gains more consciousness. so it could be AI or it could be something else that is only just a dream in the back of someone's mind at this moment in time.

altruistic extremists

we may see utopian dreamers rise up! they are likely to advocate for the deconstruction of pre-existing political institutions in favor of either self governance or egalitarian policies. they will likely do whatever it takes to make this statement; we may see more protests / political statements similar to wynn bruce's.

fanatical/extremist announcers radio/tv

we already have biased stations and channels (fox, abc, cnn, nbc, etc). we are likely to see a further rise in politically biased newscasters and announcers.

demonization of astrology

astrology is aquarian in nature but pluto is fanatics, evil, demonics, etc. the community has been saying about the next world war for a while now. we are moving out of conservative pluto in capricorn, so we may find that those of deep belief systems accusing us [astrologers] of conspiring with the devil if/when something militant arises (similar to how the tarot community gets told constantly by christians that they must be satanists).

something with birds

i don't have this nailed down yet specifically, but both aquarius and pluto are rulers of birds. aquarius is large birds while pluto is wading/swamp birds and/or flesh eating birds. no one freak out and start thinking that i am indicating something like the 1963 horror film the birds. if anything i can see more bird-spread illness and/or parasites. OR pluto can be archaeology! there may be a bird related discovery or something to do with the distant relative of the bird - aka the raptor (dinosaur related).

a new STI/STD discovery/outbreak

aquarius represents the distribution of bodily fluids while pluto is often representative of sexual activity. this could either be an outbreak because pluto can be death, extremes, catastrophes, and/or casualties OR pluto can be ph balance in the body (possible new discoveries for feminine sexual health), kidneys (perhaps a discovery will be linked to the diminished functionality associated with syphilis, hiv, etc and how to combat more symptomatic issues), and even purification (aka a cure perhaps to help viral carriers to no longer pass the sti/std to sexual partners).

collapse of congress / house of commons/representatives

i mean it only stands to reason that the bill of rights was created/approved last time pluto was in aquarius that either those rights will disappear (pluto also represents dictators) OR simply the people rise up and demolish the institution as it stands: "...whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government..."

airplane catastrophes

aquarius rules over planes and pluto can represent accomplices, catastrophes, casualties, b0mbs, and t3rr0r!sm. we may experience another event similar to 9/11 OR we may see air strikes in a potential world war 3 scenario.

societal change: crime, war, leadership, and more

world war 3 is on the horizon so say pluto in aquarius (probably in the wake of election year in the US - when the final retrograde into capricorn concludes). but this could also just be governmental restructuring - this could be seen as rebellions (similar to the French Revolution), the rise of organized crime if good become more scarce, religious shifts (pluto is the antichrist, aquarius is freewill (first amendment), and capricorn is the old church (christian schools of thought)), etc.

aquarian terms i can't think of change in but seem important to note / keep in mind: freethinkers, hamburg germany, heart weakness (biden - perhaps the early death of a president in office?), motion picture (already changing as more theaters close), photography, psychology (we are already starting to care more about everyone's mental health), science (general scientific discoveries?), social affairs (there is always something going on - the question is how big will this be?), society, sweden, syria, and xray.

plutonian terms i can't think of change in but seem important to note / keep in mind: abductions (aliens - ufo sights?), aliases, alibis (governmental riffing similar to how no plan was in place when for COVID-19), assass!nat!0n (hopefully not), betrayal, bootlegging (bootleg tiktok if america bans it?), cemeteries (removal of that method if too many are dying at any giving time - mass graves?), convicts (prison release due to overcrowding? the mega-prison of el salvador?), corruption (governmental likely?), demolitions, earthquakes (more environmental issues?), electrocution, executions (war?), fanatic, extremes, floods (environmental? emigration - society is aquarius after all?), liars, massacres (the rise of crime?), murder, nihilism (the rise of philosophy at the time of war?), ransom (war?), satire (rise of political satire?), stolen goods, and taxes (trump-esque no?).

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[harrypotterfuryroad]

What was your journey with all this? Did you at one point blindly agree and then learn new things that changed your mind (like I did) or were you skeptical from the start?

so i was never all in, but i had plenty of friends that were, and when it first started taking off in my social circles (2013ish) i tried my best to keep up with the lingo and be supportive. after all there's a lot of stuff i know i don't understand and who am i to discredit people's lived experiences? my degrees are all in biology so i never bought into the "humans can change sex actually" line, but if the wishful thinking made someone's life easier then sure fine i guess.

the cracks first started to show for me when nonbinary started popping up as a concept. broadly i understood what it was trying to do, but my two instant questions were "isn't everyone a little masculine and a little feminine?" and "if people are uncomfortable with being sorted into box A or box B, how does building box C help them?" i kept asking (out of genuine curiosity) and no one could give me an answer that made sense. obviously i could rattle off now about how this is because the whole thing is built on stereotypes but i was still trying to smile and nod my way through it at the time

my time in my phd program really solidified things for me for a couple reasons. like obv it overlapped with the general rise to prominence of all of this so it was kinda hard to miss, but also i was in an area with a really strong gay community so i got to see firsthand how it took root and grew from there. i saw a prominent local lesbian activist get ousted from my city's lgbt council for butting heads with a tim, and i saw the gradual shift from gay men being super comfortable playing around with the boundaries of dress and behavior to continuous questioning if someone is "one of the dolls" now because he wore a dress once

but also my phd was specifically about a lot of the issues that pop up in this whole debate, like social stress, adolescent development, sex differences in adulthood, and even a little bit about how social media is replacing normal social interaction but isn't meeting the same needs, so i'm watching all this happen while i'm reading papers from as early as the 70s that are basically predicting these exact patterns (then covid hit and amplified everything i was already seeing)

basically i just got more comfortable recognizing when someone is scientifically illiterate but really good at projecting confidence. i had a couple friends who were on lupron (for its on-label use, not as a puberty blocker) and each one had a terrible time, with really intolerable side effects. i looked into it more and it turns out these side effects are really common, which made me think this is a drug that made it through clinical trials but hadn't really taken off commercially so the company is trying to clean up its image or find a new market for it (something we were trained to notice in my phd program). then the drug started getting touted as safe and reversible for kids, and i just finally let myself feel comfortable getting angry about that. if you're saying this drug is safe, you're either lying or uninformed. lupron is the same story as viagra (where its more well-known use wasn't its initial intended use) but with all the leverage of the biggest social justice movement of the day, and it doesn't take much to recognize that without that clout there's no way to positively spin the junk data it's producing

other things i looked into more where the party line falls apart as soon as you screen out the spin: the trans murder rate, the trans suicide rate, prevalence and mechanisms of DSDs, the impact of adolescent testosterone levels on adult physical performance, neurological correlates of gender identity, and what a chromosome is

[not-goldy]

More and more sources reporting Jikook will both exclusively stay together at 5th division for the entire 18 months confirmed. They will be deployed to a unit together on the 5th week, cause they enlisted as companions in the buddy system & won't separate, but likely not Jin's area & won't be made public, but at least they will for sure be together until they release. Not that there was any doubt, but its nice to see it in writing. They chose the buddy system together for this reason. They could have just went to 5th division as individuals or anywhere else with anyone else, for that matter, but they wanted to do it as companions to stay together and everything is working out for them. They didn't want to be separated and they are not gonna be. Also, can we take a minute to think about this, cause Like holy shit. Jikook worked so hard behind the scenes in silence and set this up for themselves, while they were being mocked, ridiculed, their bond trashed, horrible rumors about not being close or even friends who have each other's numbers and really pulled off the biggest FU ever. They didn't let anything or anyone get in the way of their goal of staying together. Good for them. I didn't think Jikook could surprise me more, but damnit, They did.

Hopefully some who were still trying to convince their followers they were gonna split after 5 weeks and Jk go to where other members are cause he's dating them, gets their asses handed to them by their followers for continuing to purposely gaslight them and lie to them. I would be in their face screaming right now, making sure they don't get a good night sleep. Some of these tkk really been thinking Jk was gonna leave and this was just temporary. These idiots with their 'My boyfriend's, girlfriend's, mailman, who has this 1/4 korean friend told a friend of a friend who knows korean" bullshit, need to be gone. This fandom needs to start weeding out these manipulators and liars, starting right now and clean house for the next 18 months.

I always say, we can sit here and talk and tear their relationship apart and put it back together, doesn't matter. They are doing the relationship.

Seems people don't understand at this point what a relationship actually is. They are there making PLANS together in ways that COUPLES WOULD.

It's not about the oh they went out to drink with this person or that person, or they went to see a concert, or they wore the same jewelry or bracelet or jacket.

ITS ABOUT THE BIG IMPORTANT DECISIONS LIKE GOING ON A TRIP TOGETHER BEFORE ENLISTING, DECIDING TO ENLIST TOGETHER KNOWING VERY WELL THEY WILL DEFINITELY REUNITE AS PART OF A BAND AND WORK TOGETHER STILL AFTER MS

I like to see these two actually get sick and tired of eachother cos right now it seems we have to pull them apart kicking and screaming.

I said years and years and every year their attachment to eachother is borderline unhealthy and that they could use a bit of independence- then covid hit and they pretended to live independently only for them to pack their bags to hell together. As their therapist I'm sick of them🤣

[artemis-pendragon]

Okay so I have this weird thing where I fully support the wearing of masks and community care and everything on a moral level but there’s this part of me that’s like, afraid of it? Like, in this hypothetical world where everyone did the right thing and masked all the time, would it then become taboo to see someone’s face? It’s not masking itself I hate but I do hate the idea of never smiling at someone again. I know this sounds stupid but its an existential dread I have. Also, if big gatherings and dining out is bad, how will we have fun? I love comeradery and the energy of other people and I don’t want to not have that in the future. Do you think there will ever be a permanent covid cure and even a permanent cold cure so we don’t have to do it anymore and everyone’s still safe? What about effective transparent masks? Will we ever see those? If there were transparent masks I probably wouldn’t be so scared…

This is a totally rational and normal fear in my opinion!! We're social creatures that heavily rely on body language for communication despite advanced linguistic ability, and the thought of not having access to half of a person's face while interacting is intimidating and sad for sure!

Masking, for me, is now something I do when in close-quarter spaces, large enclosed inside public spaces, especially with little to no ventilation, and when attending large and crowded outdoor events like concerts! When outside in smaller groups, dining out at restaurants or other smaller public places, I'm comfortable removing my mask to eat and see others' faces during conversation. This is partially because viral load (how much virus you are exposed to when initially infected) can have an effect on how sick you get. If you are only exposed briefly to a small amount of virus, it will take longer to spread and give your immune system longer to gear up and deal with it.

Outdoors, unless in a super crowded area, I'm comfortable going mask-less but just keep a mask with me in case someone vulnerable needs the extra protection or I unexpectedly need to enter a higher-risk area. I don't keep up the standard I did when COVID was an untreatable virus with no vaccine, because it has become more domesticated (lol can't think of a better term but I hope you know what I mean) and less overtly dangerous than the original wild strain. This is a very common phenomenon in spillover viral events; the original strain of COVID didn't mean to get into humans, and killed us when it actually would make more evolutionary sense for the virus to keep us alive both as a current spreader and future repeat host. Therefore, future strains that survived were more likely to be less deadly. That's part of why SARS was so easily suppressed compared to COVID! it was too deadly, and didn't spread from asymptomatic or pre-symtomatic people like COVID.

ANYWAY, all that is to say that COVID is still a major threat, but it has acclimatized to us more and likely will remain a common human disease for the forseeable future. We will continue our eternal arms race against viruses, coming up with better treatments until something new emerges. After all, there are likely descendant strains of the mega-deadly 1918 influenza still in circulation today, but they've lost their original zoonotic fangs and gotten used to living in and with us rather than wiping us out.

Which brings me to emergent zoonotic viruses. Another important reason for wearing masks is that, in the 100% likelihood of another viral spillover event (humans continue to displace animals we previously had very little contact with, bringing with them new viruses like Ebola, Marburg, SARS, COVID, MERS, Nipah, bird flu, and Hendra) that turns into an epidemic or pandemic in our global world, if everyone already has masks on-hand and are used to masking up, we'll already be one step ahead in the next viral arms race.

I love the idea of clear face masks, by the way!! I've also always loved the idea of cyberpunk-style digital masks that display expressions or play by play transcriptions of a speaker's words, which would double as an accessibility aid for HOH and Deaf people, as well as people with audio processing issues (like yours truly lol).

Lastly, the biggest reason we haven't cured the common cold is because the common cold is actually a wide range of different viruses! Rhinoviruses, adenoviruses, and coronaviruses (the classification, not specifically COVID, which is one of many) are responsible for "cold symptoms", and getting rid of all of them isn't something we can or should do! Allowing our immune systems the chance to stay active and healthy by fighting less severe viruses (unless they are severely compromised, such as in the case of HIV AIDS--another zoonotic disease from the 20th century!) allows them to stay strong and flexible in recognizing more dangerous strains. For example, someone who has been vaccinated for Mpox (2-10% fatality rate without treatment) has some immunity to Smallpox (up to 30% fatality rate without treatmeant), even though they aren't the same virus! In fact, the first vaccine was made by exposing people intentionally to Cowpox, which makes cows sick but not humans. They figured out that people on dairy farms were having waaaay fewer severe cases of Smallpox, and exposure to a less severe but related virus was the reason! We need less potent viruses to practice and keep our immune systems active and flexible when the next Big One comes along.

I know this turned into a fucking PhD dissertation and I'm sorry for not being more concise in my wording but virology is endlessly fascinating and I love talking about public health and epidemiology, especially concerning zoonotic and emerging viruses. It's fascinating as well as scary, and the more prepared we are, the better!

TLDR; not everyone needs to mask all the time, but there are increasing risks caused by expanding population and crowding, as well as global crowding, global warming, and habitat destruction, that more diseases will jump into humans. COVID isn't the first, and won't be the last. Keeping that thang (your mask) on your person and on your face, especially in really big crowded or indoor public spaces, is a great habit to stay in! We can keep our social desire to see faces intact, and occasionally sacrifice seeing a stranger's smile to keep another stranger alive.

Hope this wasn't annoyingly and frustratingly long Anon, and maybe some of you fucking nerds out there will enjoy reading this!

Love you all, and hope you stay healthy and safe! ❤️

[sigmaleph]

yesterday i watched When Evil Lurks, which is a recent argentinian horror film i found out about for reasons entirely unrelated to being argentinian (this rotten tomatoes article ranks it as the best horror film of 2023)

it's at first glance a simple plot, demonic possession in tiny rural town, guy tries to save his family from it, but with an interesting-to-me twist on that, which is that

demonic possession is a recognised phenomenon. The government has standard protocols to deal with it; having actually encountered an instance of demonic possession is rare, but basic things about what to do and not do are common knowledge.

when the main character tells people about the demon, the answer isn't "demons aren't real", it's "how would you, a random hick, recognise a possessed person if you saw one" or "nah, demons are a big city thing, we live in the ass-end of nowhere, there can't be one here".

which leads to a theme of the film; the horror isn't coming from an outside-context event nobody was prepared for, but rather people who should know better acting short-sightedly and failing to deal with a problem they totally could have.

a woman reports her son has been possessed. everyone knows this means a demon is trying to be born into the world, and if they don't kill it (carefully, properly, using specialised equipment and trained professionals) there will be dire consequences (not fully specified, but lots of people die merely in the process of the demon being born). The 'cleaner' (professional demon-killer) doesn't get there for a year. it's not clear why; one wealthy landowner speculates the whole thing was meant to screw with him, and I don't think he's right but clearly something comparably fucked up is going on, even if it's impersonal institutional failure rather than politicking. and because they took too long, the demon has grown in power, its influence has spread, and it mind controls someone into ambushing and killing the cleaner as the starting event of the plot.

the main characters get dragged into a plan where, well, the government isn't dealing with it, so let's just carry the possessed person a few hundred kilometres away (he cannot move under his own power) and make it someone else's problem. everyone has the background to know this is predictably a terrible idea that makes everything worse.

one of the standard things-everyone-knows about demons is you should not use guns against them. nevertheless people keep pointing guns at the various manifestations of demonic activity, while people are yelling at them not to.

in i think fitting accordance to this theme, the protagonists fail. the demon is born, with unclear implications for the general area though certainly bad ones. they failed because they are human and selfish and short-sighted, and also because the entire institutional structure that should be doing better than that let the problem fester.

there's a clear element of contagion to how demonic influence spreads; if you're in contact with the possessed at all, you're supposed to abandon everything you own and burn your clothes (this being part of the reason why it's a terrible idea to move the possessed). if one were to subscribe to the school of thought where every horror monster is a metaphor for a societal problem, this obviously suggests the covid pandemic as The Social Issue We Are Exploring Today

...but I don't, and I think that's a limited reading. i think it's about something broader than that, about individual human weaknesses and how they lead to collective failures. or at least that's what I get out of it.

[voidsentprinces]

Having gotten through the Rite of Succession arc of Dawntrail. I feel like, Stormblood really did itself a disservice by dividing it between Ala Mhigo and Doma. We could of gotten an expansion this strong for Lyse to grow into being a leader of the Revolution had they maintained focus and stuck with the regions of Ala Mhigo. How Garlemald's reign effects each region and understanding the history. By giving us an "Oh shit, you're not suppose to be able to free Ala Mhigo yet" 12% through and then sending us trouncing around Kugane, the Ruby Sea, Doma, and the Azim Steppe for 65% of the story. Before sending us back to Ala Mhigo and padding the ever loving shit out of the last 23% of the story. Really makes me angry, that Lyse didn't get the shot she could of had that Wuk is for Dawntrail.

It was not done right, in my eyes. And the improvement from Shadowbringers and Endwalkers narrative learning has shown me what they could of done with Stormblood. Which feels as rough around the edges as A Realm Reborn. And every time they bring back a character from Stormblood. They don't seem to really know what to do with them or they're caught in the condensced roughness of a Post-Patch where no one really gets to shine. Not even an Arc villain like Elidibus who mostly accomplishes everything off screen. (Though I imagine thats because of COVID so another example is Golbez just kind of being a nothing burger)

She should of gotten it similarly, Conrad or Meffrid should been allowed to slowly bring her to the larger regions of Ala Mhigo in its entirety. Learn of its people and beast tribes living in the realm and how they reflect on their relationship with the Mad King's reign, the uprising that followed, and how they have functioned for the last 20 years under Gaius's rule and how the recent arrival of Zenos and the increased presence of Fordola and her Skulls have oppressed them further.

But, Void, that would mean Doma would of had to wait for another expansion.

I hear you, but you know how Yoshi P is big about the sky as influence for a story? Well Stormblood was suppose to be colored by the afternoon and you know what comes between Stormblood's afternoon and Shadowbringer's night? Dusk. Doma could of been fully explored and realized with the addition of either larger Othard or Dalmasca as a point where we throw off Varis and fight him properly with Zenos defeated at the end of Stormblood. We could of still had Bozja which would continue our march to free regions from Garlean rule. This would of still allowed them to save Hingashi for later expansions as they seem to want to. And Dusk is the time between the nights coming and the days loss. The House of the Fierce operating in shadows now free to wander in the remaining light left by the freeing of Ala Mhigo previously, without Zenos to cause issues. We could of fought Varis, Asahi, Yotsuyu, and Elidibus through this expansion.

Just as the war machine starts boiling to ahead with Ghimlyt Dark we carry onto Shadowbringers and Endwalker in a similar fashion. Just as the world begins to ready to fully face off against the Garlean Capital. A new world is endangered by the revival of Emperor Solus who is, of course, Emet-Selch starting machinations in the First. We carry on as we do and of course, we never get to march on Garlemald because Zenos eventually reclaims his body, kills Varis, banishes Elidibus who we defeat on the First and Garlemald collapses in on itself.

It would of also of granted the Twins a wider area to bounce off of and with when they eventually bring what they've learned from Dawntrail back to the remnants of Garlemald and let them proceed wherever they're going with that.

But, hey, hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I just wish Lyse had gotten a better chance as Wuk Lamat and Erenville are getting cause...boy...Stormblood is ROUGH and Dawntrail is showing how far its grown to pull a similar arc with a similar character. Though I will admit that Dawntrail has the benefit of letting us explore each character in an era of long peace and not one of oppression and strife. So what do I know, eh?

[longcovidshortstories]

Long covid has meant seeing lots of doctors, lots of times. I've met some amazing people. Doctors with empathy and curiosity. A long covid clinic doctor started our appointment but just telling me, "you're not crazy" and I burst into tears. A pulmonologist assured me that even if he couldn't figure out what was happening to me, he wouldn't let me leave his care until he'd exhausted his options and he felt he knew where to refer me next.

But seeing so many people, I can't help but have experiences that hurt. I've joined the chronic illness community; the invisible illness community. Long covid is new, poorly understood, and has the fun addition of having a political toxicity attached to it.

A bad doctor's appointment really stings. It holds onto me. It haunts me. Sometimes, it makes me angry. Why am I not being heard? Why am I being treated like my disease isn't real. Why is this doctor making recommendations that I couldn't possibly physically accomplish? I explained my physical limitations. They're real. I know that they're real.

It brings back all of the doubt that i already carry under the surface. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Is long covid even really a thing? Am I making this up? Maybe I just need to try harder. Have I tried yoga? Positive thinking?

Sometimes, it's small and inconsiderate things. Recommendations that ignore physical or financial circumstances that i just talked about in that same appointment. Test results read in snide tones alongside the "normal" range.

Sometimes, it's big and brash things. Recommendations of surgeries or programs that are extreme or inappropriate. Making me fight for my medical care.

Being sick is exhausting. Having long covid is exhausting. Having some kind of medical appointment nearly every week is exhausting. I live in a rural area and have to drive about an hour to reach any of these doctors. I don't want to feel like the expert on my disease when I go to the doctor. I'm tired. I have nightmares about hospitals. I want to at least know that when I give everything I have to be in that doctor's office, they will believe that I'm sick.

ENT 2021: No one really knows what's causing taste and smell changes in long covid, so there's not much I could really do for you. If it's really hard to live with food tasting like trash, I could sever your olfactory nerve. Then you shouldn't smell or taste anything. Maybe that's better? Although, if long covid is actually neurological, that might not actually help you at all!

Nutritionist 2021: Maybe try (insert very expensive home delivery food service).

GP 2021: Are you really, really sure you want to remove your IUD? Your insurance probably won't pay for another one for a while. The ultrasound showed it was still in the right place, so I can't imagine it's what's causing you any problems.

A Different Nutritionist 2022: I think you should sign up for an online eating disorder program. It's not long covid specific, so it'll mostly be group therapy with people with traditional eating disorders, but I'm just not sure how much I can help you.

Orthopedist 2023: You wrote "long covid" under preexisting conditions. What is that? I've never heard of it.

Speech Therapy 2024: Breathe out saying "e" for as long as you can....Hmmm, that was 4 seconds. You know the normal average for that is 20 seconds.

[twopoppies]

Hello darling Gina. Re the Harry anon, I admit I did/do feel like he ‘sold out’ a bit when he went solo. I felt like, we’ve followed you since XF, we voted for you and loved and followed the band etc etc and now you’re in the states and didn’t even come to the UK on first tour, and next tour he did several stops in many states and then like three stops in the whole of the UK (I might be wrong on these dates, going by what I remember).

H doesn’t owe me anything but I did feel let down. Lou on the other hand seemed more in touch with the UK fan base. I’m back here after years away so things might have changed, I just wanted to air my thoughts. Again, none of them owe me anything and I realise that but I can’t help how I feel x

Hi, love. Welcome back.

So… You can’t help how you feel, but I would suggest removing your personal hurt feelings from the matter. You say he doesn’t owe you anything, but obviously you feel he does. Which is fine. But acknowledging that makes a difference.

If you’re able to remove your idea of what you think he “should have” done, some of the issues and expenses that go into mounting a world wide tour might be a little more apparent.

Harry’s first album was given a ton of money for promo. But the first leg of the tour was very small and I’d bet it was focused on the US in part because breaking through here goes a longer way toward establishing an artist for long term success. It’s also possible they wanted to work out some of the kinks before they took the show overseas and to bigger venues. It also was only 13 shows before the second leg began and he went through Europe with the UK being the third through sixth shows on that leg. So I don’t really get what you’re saying where Live On Tour is concerned.

As for the second tour, we were at the tail end of the pandemic. He started in the US most likely because it was a hell of a lot simpler to travel through the contiguous United States in terms of permits and legalities related to performing during a pandemic than it would have been trying to do the same traveling through numerous cities in numerous countries.

Taking it as a personal affront or a sign that he doesn’t care about the support from UK fans over the years just seems nonsensical to me. I get the disappointment that you didn’t get that part of the tour. Absolutely. But the UK isn’t the only place that didn’t get a tour of Fine Line. It’s generally a major stop for every artist. Including him. And the short stint for Fine Line never would have happened if Covid hadn’t thrown everything out of whack. And if Covid hadn’t happened he wouldn’t have released Harry’s House right after that Fine Line mini tour, but it had been years since he’d released new music and I’m sure the label was chomping at the bit to make some more money. I just don’t see a reason to look at the situation and label it as Harry not caring about his UK fans.

As for Louis, I think being “in touch with his UK fan base” is a major part of his brand. I don’t think it’s disingenuous, but it’s obvious to me that he’d lean into it and do more shows in more areas because he had a much longer run of small venues than Harry did.

I also think it’s just pointless to compare. IMO, a British artist having lots of shows in the UK doesn’t necessarily mean he loves and is thankful to the UK fans any more than another artist. And there are always numerous factors involved in where shows are booked.

In reference to this.

More here

[infinityonhighvevo]

i know it’s personal but if you are ever interested in sharing that story on here i’d be interested in hearing it! <3

hehehehe thanks anon i love talking about my heart problems <3 medical story time below so trigger warning for all that; tldr i died but i got better

so i’m in my first semester of my sophomore year of college and i get sick. i’m the type of guy who gets sick a bunch but, having just come out of a COVID spike in the area i lived in, i was nervous. i go to the doctor and test negative so i assume it’s just a miserable cold. (i test negative another twelve times throughout the ordeal.) i have a fever for a few days; it goes away but i’m still coughing, short of breath but not wheezing, and tired. i’m sick like this for like six or seven weeks (yeah, weeks) before i go to my doctor again. after a clear chest x-ray she’s like, okay, your lungs sound like ass, it’s walking pneumonia, take ten days of antibiotics and get another x-ray if it doesn’t get better

meanwhile, i can’t walk anywhere because i can’t breathe, i have to stop while walking up the stairs to my fifth floor dorm room because my heart races any time i do more than two flights, my feet are crazy swollen, i have to sleep sitting up because i can’t breathe lying down, and i keep waking up at like 2 in the morning to pee because my muscles are so weak i genuinely can’t hold it. basically, i’m super gross. (and, as it turns out, dying.)

the ten days of antibiotics go by and i’m sicker than ever. i go get a second chest x ray through my school’s medical center. (which sucks, by the way. the people care but they can’t do shit.) i get a call at the end of the day from them: they want me to uber to the er for a CT. yeah. uber. props to them for not saddling me with an ambulance bill but i was for real dying and they should have done it anyway. my good friend is luckily free to drive me, though, so i scarf down some microwaveable mac and cheese (because college) and off we go.

i sit in the ER with a former friend for six whole hours before i get taken back. i get tested on, i throw up my maccy cheese, and finally at 2am i get told by the er doc, very bitchily, that i need to have a procedure done. i am the type of deathly ill where my brain just isn’t cognitively functioning, so i do not understand what he is saying. i ask if he can wait until the morning so my parents can be there. he rolls his eyes and is just as bitchy to my surgeon father who i call on the phone. i don’t end up having the procedure done, and my mom comes to get me first thing next morning. she takes me to the hospital my dad works at. i get my lung drained!

the x-ray that my school had sent me to get showed that my right lung had almost completely collapsed. for context, each lung can hold about a liter of air. i had 850mL of fluid drained from my pleural space, which is the sac surrounding the lung. it had almost completely collapsed my lung. the procedure was gross but not that painful. they stick a syringe between your ribs and pull the fluid out. you get numbed, so it just feels like weird pressure, but the fluid itself is nasty and murky. i felt better after my thoracentesis—still sick, but better. they kept me overnight for observation, thinking that it was just bad pneumonia from my asthma and that everything was fixed.

everything was not even close to being fixed. i slept like ass and felt even worse. at like 8am they did an echocardiogram, which is basically a heart ultrasound. by 10am i’d been moved up to a different wing and was shaking hands with the guy about to break my sternum open and save my life by stopping my heart for a few hours.

basically, i had a strain of strep that travels in the bloodstream. it had, by sheer force of terrible luck, infected my mitral valve, completely destroying it. we think i had a congenital defect, but the valve was so fucked when i got to the hospital that they literally couldn’t tell. if i hadn’t had surgery when i did, i think i would have only lasted another week. i got open heart surgery to replace my valve with a prosthetic, and then a pacemaker surgery five days later because my rhythm didn’t come back on its own. i got put on hardcore antibiotics for like six weeks that i lowkey became allergic to at the end.

overall, it was not a fun experience but it did dramatically shape me as a human being. i’m now a cyborg and i get cold/numb fingers and toes really easily. also my scars turn bright red when i drink, which is a fun party trick. i’m bluetooth enabled, which is terrifying, and i get special treatment at the airport, which is nice because i like attention. the best part? built in icebreaker for the rest of my life. the worst part was the dying. obviously.

seriously, though, if you’re short of breath for a while, have a fever at any point, and have swollen feet, have someone carry you to the hospital. those three together are big indicators that your heart is fucked.

[fudgetunblr]

Guide to Studenten

Idk if anyone has done this because I haven't checked the tag, but anyways, here we go:

Swedish High School is three years of education, where you have a specific area of studies. I feel like perhaps someone has talked about this before, so let's not dwell on it.

There's usually countdowns, 250 days, 200 days, 100 days, 50 days, blah blah before where there are theme parties. You don't have to go to these, not everyone does, but the closer you get, there's more parties. The legal drinking age in Sweden is 18. However, you can't go out and buy your own at Systembolaget (the only alcohol company in Sweden) until you're 20. This doesn't really stop people, unsurprisingly.

The hats are the white ones they wore on the show, and back in the day it was very simple, something like this:

however, nowadays there's a lot more design options. You can pic your own tinsel in the middle, many go for stones. There are specific colours for different programs, but most people don't care. You usually put your name on it, other things that are common: your class name, the year you graduated, some put their school, and at the back of the hat many put a little quote on the back. You can also customise the inside. Often you pick a few of these things and not all, because the hat costs a lot of money :3 I made my own really cheap tbh.

Mösspåtagning is a typical event where the students get to wear their hats. Because of covid, ours was combined with like a prom, but usually this happens before that, according to google, often outside or whatever.

There's a prom. But that's pretty normal.

Champagnefrukost or champagne-breakfast happens the day of studenten, where you go to one of your classmates houses, usually one who lives closest to the school, and have breakfast with your class. There you hand out the plates around the neck, aka the "class... [insert whatever, take clown as an example]. You drink, you eat, sometimes teachers will stop by. You get hyped with your class for the day.

Then you head to the school.

There's a photographer that takes a picture of the whole class and then individual portraits that you can later chose to purchase.

You meet with your mentors and say goodbye. They usually hand out a little scholarship thingy for the person with the best grade in the class. You write your name inside your classmates hats. My mentors held speeches based on Carola songs, it was pretty great.

Utspring - you're running out of the school. You've chosen the song/songs that you're running to, you dance around, sometimes there's choreography, to be greeted by family and friends. Because of covid this activity was limited, but traditionally it is fucking packed with people from all different programs, because the times are more stacked on top of each other.

Your parents greet you with a plaque of a baby picture of yourself, with your name and class-name. You take pictures, you get a bunch of stuff hanging around your neck like tiny champagne bottles, teddybears with their own graduation caps, whistles, other loud shit you can use at:

Flak - or flatbed according to translate is when you ride at the back of one with your class and blast loud music and dance around while it drives you around town. They're all in tow. There's a huge linen sheet on both sides that has been decorated with your class, consisting of the class name, the names of the people in the class and usually some funny quote or something. (I never got to do this because of covid)

After this you go home to greet family and stuff and celebrate however you want at home.

Then it's time to go out and partyyy. Usually you've booked a table at a specific event.

How do you fund this??? Well, over the three years of school you've built up a lot of money with your class through different fundraising methods. There's a service where you can sell cookies and another where you can sell clothes and shit.

There you go, it's not everything ofc, there are other traditions, and it's also important to note that not everyone does this. Not everyone goes out to drink, not everyone gets a flak, etc etc. But if we're talking very stereotypically here, that's the gist.

It's really fun (even if I had mine with a lot of covid-restrictions), and I hope this has given a bit of context to the new season of Young Royals (and probs the last episode where the graduation will be), and why they were so pissed to be missing out. (even if there are clearly specific school traditions that aren't custom for everyone).

[deconstructivesurgery]

plspls PLEASE tell me anything youd like about owb...... im playing through nv for the first time and have yet to get to the dlc.... i have a passing knowledge of it but not much, and i am obsessed with these mad robobrain 2.0s and their relationships with each other and the courier

oh god almighty i don't even know where to START. i have gone insane over this specific DLC in the past to such a ridiculous extent that i'm in the middle of making an actual informative essay about it. styled the same way i write actual academic papers. i think i hauve COVID or whatever.

Off the top of my head, one of the things I love the most about OWB at first glance is the way it beautifully ties into the world of the Mojave itself and the other story DLCs (minus Honest Hearts) in subtle and yet fascinating ways that are a lot of fun to discover yourself or to tie together. Playing the NV DLCs, you'll find Big Mt.'s work in places you'd barely expect- slowly piecing together with every new bit of information the extent to which some of their work "breached containment", so to speak. You'll also find ties to other DLC stories scattered throughout the DLC area itself, keepng a beautoful, believable coherence between OWB and the outside story. It's an absurd, comedic terror of a DLC, to be sure- and yet, it's so grounded in the world of Fallout that I find it doesn't wreck your disbelief. Like some OTHER bizarro Fallout content has for me in the past. Looking at you, "Zetans" bullshit that I hate.

I'm also a big fan of the environmental storytelling throughout the entire DLC- something as simple as exploring the homes of the Think Tank in their secluded little vault-esque shelter (where I presume they sheltered out PART of the war before transferring to the brain tanks for longevity, OR which they potentially just lived in Pre-War) can tell you so much about their characters that you'd just never really pick up otherwise. The characters are simultaneously hilarious and... I mean. Heart-wrenching if you're willing to let your heart bleed for a bunch of demented amoral scientists whose entire Pre-War job was to try and resolve the war in America's favour in the nastiest ways possible. I personally find something so compelling in the unique ways their memories and personalities are equal parts warped by the passage of time and the recursion loops impacting their thoughts, and true to the people they were Pre-War.

(If I'm being vague about a lot of this, it's because I think some things are fun to find yourself and if I explained everything I liked about the DLC I'd probably just end up rehashing every single character and most of the plot points in the entire thing.)

Also it's just straight up fucking yonkers over bonkers. You get called a Lobotomite. You get to watch the world's worst co-workers (who have been cooped up in robot bodies living in a state of induced dementia together for the past god-knows-how-long) argue with each other like the world's pissest pack of schoolchildren. You get to hear some guy shriek at you about the terrors of Communism and the horrors of his high-school nemesis RICHIE FUCKING MARCUS for a solid five minutes. The entire thing starts off with an absurdly long insane conversation cutscene. One of the Think Tank members also like canonically cums in your gun. What's not to love, I guess.

[andromedasummer]

Over a third of the way through The Whispering Skull heres my current thoughts

- If I were Lockwood and Lucy I would be a little bit mad about George missing the whole "area theyre searching was an execution ground for criminals" thing but also I feel like it's the first clear sign we get that something is off with George. Like hes burnt out. Hes tired. Hes just a teenager. They all are and theyre working adult jobs and literally dont have the capacity or past experience to communicate with one another. Very realistic for teenagers.

- I love Kipps so much I love how full of himself he is I love how pathetic he comes across even when he gets the upper hand I cannot wait to see him and his team get cut down to size.

- That being said I would have thrown down then and there had I been struck with a Mag Flare like that. better ways to go about ghosts, its dangerous as shit, badly damaged L&C's clothes and perfectly shows that the Fitts agency arent really trained in a people-first way. The way they put pressure on their teams to secure a source above all and encourage hostility towards other agents.... Super telling about management and an early warning sign to me. Esp with what we know happens to Ned Shaw (which i'll have a lot to say about later when it happens) and Kat, Bobby and Kipps v trauma.

- I liked Joplin a lot when I read the books as a kid + my reread 2 years back but now... idk. Too reckless, esp with how he treats ghosts when in the company of teenagers and children. Hate how comfortable all the adults in this world are about putting children at risk. They really treat them as a resource or rather than anything else.

- The skull is such a fucking shit stirrer which again makes so much damn sense when you learn hes a teenager whose been stuck with no one to talk to in a jar for like a hundred+ years. Of course you're trying to push apart Lockwood and Lucy. You are a fucked up ex-cultist teenage boy who finally found someone to talk to and are perpetually stuck in your teenage brain and hormones. You are So Jealous.

- Lucy, George and Lockwoods argument about the Georges recklessness and then The Skull seeding distrust again drives home my point about communication but also Christ these kids need more friends. Their entire childhood and teen years are stripped from them. They have no family to talk to or guide them. No non-work friends their age to vent to. Immense trauma and no one to help them through it.

- Jonathan Stroud give me a follow up series following the team in their mid twenties coping with having their lives dedicated to a job they literally cannot do anymore and the repercussions of no education and no safety nets for agents once they reach adulthood. What do they do? Where do they work? Where do they go? How do they afford to live? What happens to agents who only built relationships with coworkers they cant even face because of trauma? Agents disconnected with their families? Nightwatch kids whose education was ruined because their days were spent recovering from their shifts? I need to know.

- Okay back to the book the ghost cult stuff hits so much harder in a post-covid world. I was there getting harassed by anti vaxxers when they invaded parliament for a month and it ended in violence. of course in times of fear people become vulnerable to misinformation. You Are Not Immune To Cults. Or Propaganda. Again, spin-off following the people who try to fight those who profit off of peoples fear and build wealth and followings off of it. Theres so much interesting stuff in this world I want to explore.

- Kipps and Lockwoods teams having to work together bcos of Barnes is so good. I love Kipps team so much I love seeing them

- Kat Godwin is autistic and I know this. Because I am Autistic. Also she comes off as someone who has shut down to everything around her because, again. trauma of her work. at 16 theres no way she hasnt been through something similar to Lucy or Lockwood. I'm sad we see less of her after book three. same with Bobby.

- Now I want to write a hyper empathetic autistic lucy/low empathy autistic kat fic where they both realize they have a lot in common with their Talents and work and bond it doesnt even have to be romantic i just want to see more of Kat

- A LSO i need lucy to have more female friends for the love of god i understand this is your pick me phase of your teens but it makes me so sad to see your internalized misogyny even though it ABSOLUTELY makes sense for her character and is so common for teen girls like her but the way she talks about sensitives and every other female operative she meets. girl. who are you trying to impress rn. you dont need to.

- Ned Shaw getting the shit kicked out of him by Lockwood DESERVED.

- I love this little nightwatch boy who helps the team with all my heart. what is his name. my son. hes such a little cunt.

- FLO TIME FLO TIME i am so excited to see Flo you people DO NOT UNDERSTAND shes so fucking cool mudlarkers are so fucking cool fuck you if you hate flo this is a flo bones appreciation zone

- obligatory "i miss holly" comment even though. she hasnt been introduced yet and wont be until the next book. i love gay people okay.

- Anyway I'm enjoying this a lot I said TWS isnt my fav book (mostly the stuff later on in the book isn't as compelling to me) but this stuff at the start rules. I didn't expect to write so much. Im having so much fun.