#I live for characters who are missing pieces of themselves/empty in some way or other

[silverview]

⚠️ stage/fright notes + audio below the cut ⚠️ spoilers obviously ⚠️

do not look if you have any intention of seeing the show. this is for those who are not going to see it (or if you've already seen it & want to compare notes). i'm only sharing this because the run is sold out.

if you don't want full spoilers but just want to know about something specific (like a trigger warning etc) feel free to ask :)

first off, you can listen to my full recordings here [edit 20-01-2025: removed the link]. all i've done to these is snipped out some audience chat. they're not great quality but i think you can hear everything alright. if you want clarification on what was happening at any point, just let me know & i'll try to remember!

this ⬇ is just an overview with some personal highlights, so i'm sorry for everything i've missed out or gotten wrong.

i'm mostly refraining from commentary or analysis here, but needless to say i am shrieking and writhing on the ground about it.

the first act is a medley of bits & pieces:

it opens with a sketch set in the audience at a production of hamlet. a man (toby manley) sits down alone & fondly places a woman's scarf on the empty seat next to him. three disruptive audience members sit down near him, including one who describes the play aloud:

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

one of them's rather pudgy... the other one looks like a homosexual 👁👁

anyway, toby gets up and leaves, & reece takes his place. reece proceeds to murder the three disruptive audience members, then addresses the real audience with a polite request not to misbehave during the show.

from the audio you can't appreciate the way reece looks when he's about to finish off his last victim – towering over her, weapon in hand, while she's slumped down and staring up at him in terror, yay

the theme tune is performed live by two fantastically intense women with violins, up in the boxes, staring at each other throughout.

next, steve & reece address the audience as themselves. they explain that the theatre is supposed to be haunted by a ghost called bloody belle. reece believes in ghosts, steve doesn't, and proves it by having the crowd shout "bloody belle" three times to "summon" her

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

then bcdr is performed more or less as it appeared on tv. on "does it not tickle," len – passing behind tommy – goes for the arse instead of the arms. :|

part way through, tommy discovers a new sketch among len's things, "the kidnapping sketch" –

we see this performed sort-of by len and tommy, using their own names, (working through their own issues,) only in costume as the characters from a quiet night in. (complete with rachmaninoff.) in this segment steve (or rather len) speaks and acts like barry baggs from tlog.

instead of stealing a painting, the quiet night in guys are on a kidnapping job. they kidnap the wrong person, & we're given to understand this will be different celebrity guests depending on the night. tonight it was jim howick!

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

they make a bunch of gags about jim's work. reece's (or rather tommy's) character accidentally shoots and kills him.

then we get the end of bcdr but WITHOUT tears of laughter. (crucially.) bloody belle appears onstage & screams. end of the first act!

the second act is mostly one long piece, essentially a brand new episode about actors rehearsing a horror play.

in the horror play, reece plays an inmate at an asylum, who performs a comedy song and then gets dragged back to his cell. the song didn't record very well i'm afraid but his deranged laughter is good:

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

steve (having spent the first act in low status town) gets to play a fantastic hammy sadistic brain surgeon and rapist :) he has reece's character brought back in and strapped to a chair (obviously). then he hypnotises him and forces him to mutilate himself. it's great. normal length clip for normal reasons

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

then we spend time with the actor characters who are performing the horror play. on this level of reality, reece's character is conspiring to scare an actress away from the production using the bloody belle legend. in this section there are some fun references to the 9th circle tv show :)

at one point in this section, steve's demeanour shifts dramatically. he emotionally talks about actors seeing ghosts of loved ones onstage. he walks over and hugs reece, then exits.

reece's character's scheme is successful, but he belittles & sexually harasses his co-conspirator, who snaps his neck. fin.

when the curtain rises, reece's "corpse" has been replaced by toby manley, who gets up and joins the rest of the cast in the bows. steve addresses the audience about reece's recent death, and explains why he chose to go ahead with the play, with toby playing reece's part. he admits that during the performance, he was seeing reece, not toby.

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

this is the bit where you're gonna think i'm making it up. steve is hit on the head and killed by a falling light.

he wakes up to see reece in a beautiful white tailcoat, offering him coffee, welcoming him to the afterlife, and gloating about how ghosts are real. they bicker gently, but confess to having missed each other, and agree to haunt the theatre together. "every ghost story is really just a love story." [extremely long pause that must be heard to be believed]

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

reece points out the bcdr performance was incomplete; steve says he couldn't bear to do the song without reece. steve has a costume change to match reece (plus white top hats) so they look like they're getting married, and they perform a big heavenly afterlife version of tears of laughter with the whole cast. FIN FOR REAL. FOR REAL. IT'S REAL.

[edit 20-01-2025: removed the audio]

very VERY brief & incomplete thoughts:

len very clearly putting his real feelings about tommy into the kidnapping sketch. what that implies about reece & steve. screeching and howling

i don't think it's really implied that ghost!reece is responsible for steve's death, but it's a possibility we can't discount. "we're both here now, and that's the main thing." that's true love. maureen & david style

tumblr user bluvlet said something like "grief in this show is like the hare or the number 9." i have a half-finished vid about that idea that i'm impatient to get back to. definitely obsessing over it tonight.

they are obsessed with each other and with rehearsing their own (each other's) deaths.

[alchemistc]

The thing is I understand why there are people who hate this decision, and I don't begrudge anyone for being angry, sad, upset - ready to fucking leave because they feel betrayed by the narrative. Personally I think that Tim decided that in order to make the show fresh and new he needed to break the rule that has kept people tuned in to this show for a long time: Firefam doesn't die got tossed after 8 seasons because Tim wanted to shock the audience and generate intense conversations.

Well it fucking worked.

He isolated every character in those final moments to tell us all nothing is safe or sacred.

He killed off Bobby to tell us no one is safe. Like. If we get down to brass tacks that's his reason.

That's definitely a betrayal of the show of yore, and I cannot blame a single person, GA or fandom, for deciding that that is the moment to tune out.

I hate that Peter didn't want to leave. I hate that.

But I do also see the merit in portraying that immense grief, that loss so Big it feels like you can never fully recover. Bobby was bigger than himself, so much to do many people, and I think most people have someone like that in their lives. So I see the merit in losing him.

In the overarching build of 9-1-1 I can see why Tim decided to melt down a single toy soldier in his sandbox just to figure out how the dynamics of his other toys changes. These are his playthings.

The thing is he's not in the writers room every second dealing with the fallout. He's not on set every day with the actors who also have to grieve the smaller but still significant loss of not having Peter around anymore. He's not out here with the audience day to day listening to the impact certain characters have on a personal level.

Do I still want to see where this is going? Absolutely, grief and loss and healing are all sandboxes I like to play in myself. How do you live a life when a piece of your soul has gone missing? How do you move on from a sacrifice that changes the entire world around you? Will you ever be able to see the colors of a sunset or the sky or the ground he's now under the same way?

That's interesting to explore.

But it's also devastating. Bobby was a presence, a weight, that will still sit heavy on so many shoulders for a long long time. And while Peter found a way to draw meaning from it - the reality of the job he's portraying, the fact that these public servants put their lives on the line every day and sometimes they lose them - it doesn't feel like Tim gave it the same thought. He just wanted shock and awe and despair.

He got it. At whatever cost.

I guess what I'm saying is give people some fucking grace to decide for themselves whether or not they're moving forward with the show. This has been so polarizing and it's been rough for all of us in different and sometimes diametrically opposed ways.

I'm the idiot who tuned in live for the first time in months specifically to have my heart broken, because that's a storyline that compels me. It's the same fucked up reason I'm watching TLOU with bated breath.

Not everyone ticks the same way, and I fully understand and empathize with those of you finding this to be an empty hollow loss.

All this to say if this is it for you, I'll miss seeing your icons in the tags and I'll try my damndest to tag things appropriately so you don't have to see that shit and hope that one day we stumble across another fandom together.

And if you're staying, I just hope you're prepared for the next time Tim decides he needs to Shake Things Up.

[golvio]

Finally got around to seeing all of Apotheosis’ new endings, and I’m still sitting with it days later.

OG Apotheosis was among the bottom of my Princess ranking list since I guess I’m not into the whole Domination bit as some other prople, though I figured there was more to her based on what was already there. However, I wasn’t ready to have my suspicions confirmed in such a viscerally upsetting way in the Paranoid version of the “make her feel what you felt” ending. Like…as initially satisfying as finally forcing her to stop hurting you felt, it stopped feeling like a victory when you actually saw what you’d done to her. You stop feeling like a helpless victim when you understand just how hollow she’d felt inside despite her boasts and your perception of her as untouchable and unstoppable helped reinforce this armor she’d built around herself.

She may have cruelly lorded over you to compensate for her own feelings of helplessness back when she was at your mercy, but you were the one who gave up and ceded all control to her in the first place. Your relationship is a conversation, not a one-sided Pygmalian molding of an empty blank slate, and the two of you built that abusive relationship and unbalanced power dynamic together. On one hand, the prison of your own mind within the role you assigned yourself is far harder to escape than any physical jail and can operate even in her absence, to the point where acting against its oppressive rules seems so impossible that it feels like “madness.” On the other hand, no one is actually keeping you there but you.

This ending and Fury’s “pacifist” ending feel like funhouse mirror reflections of each other—each hurts the other to try to force them to understand the harm they’ve caused and get an apology, but by hurting each other they diminish each other, by hurting each other they hurt themselves. Becoming the warden of the jail where you’re also held prisoner can only give you the illusion of control and freedom, at best. Any “victory” in such a power struggle, no matter how initially triumphant, is ultimately a Pyrrhic one.

And then there’s the “Grace” ending. As much as she’d hurt you, in her last moments, instead of selfishly clutching you to herself tighter for comfort, she hurls you towards the exit, giving you a single chance for a mad, impossible dash towards freedom. She didn’t have to do that, and ultimately there was no point in doing that because the hole she opened sealed itself back up before you could reach it, but she still did it. Despite her embracing her role as unstoppable, untouchable goddess to flee from the memory of her original weak, vulnerable self, deep down she didn’t actually want to hurt you. She missed you and wanted to be with you again, but since all she knew was domination and subjugation, she only knew how to express that through trying to paternalistically control you. When the chips were down and she was being reassimilated into the Cosmic Spaghetti of Shifty’s incomplete form, she finally relinquished control and was able to express her true feelings selflessly.

That…gave me some very conflicting feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I love when finding out more about characters I initially disliked makes me feel all conflicted. It’s just…a lot. Woof.

There’s also this theme of being “trapped inside yourself,” in this case literally when it comes to two fragments of gods living out an allegory for their own imprisonment. It may be true that the Vessels are only incomplete pieces of The Shifting Mound who weren’t meant to function on their own, but Shifty herself is so vast and all-encompassing that each of her pieces is complex enough to be a functioning individual in her own right, which is especially true of the Chapter 3+ Princesses, who’ve developed so much from their experiences that they feel much more like “real,” multifaceted people. If you find Tower/Apotheosis first, then reach Shifty’s heart, the Princess you find there is the version of the Heart that feels most like she’s her own person separate from Shifty, and rejects Shifty’s idea of godhood. Her rejection of “labels” after her being constrained by Shifty’s parameters feels a lot more meaningful as a result.

On top of that…now you understand what it feels to be trapped inside of a “bigger, more Important” version of yourself. If The Long Quiet is you, then your godly meta-body is also the prison that’s keeping both the conscious, individual, mortal You trapped along with the Princess. It’s not like you can just get up and leave because you have no conscious control over this part of yourself. And when you do wake up, you risk losing yourself as you are now to integrate into that greater whole. Is that really worth it, or is there another way that doesn’t require giving up your individual existence? It’s like the flipside of The Empty Cup, too, in terms of foreshadowing the possible “Third Way” you can escape without embracing godhood and staying trapped within yourself, within the role you built up for yourself.

[alfred-braginsky]

RusAme Waffle House AU

Shit y'all liked it and so I wrote it! Please excuse mistakes I wrote this shit at 2am. Inspired by the piece of art work because hot damn it's heavy on my mind. Tw: 1 homophobic slur, and rated M cuz yeah they fuck but there's no actual scene

At 2am the roads are mostly quiet except for the occasional car and plenty of semis. Ivan needs to get his current load of goods to some small town of mostly warehouses close to Louisville, Kentucky. It's not the most exciting route, but it is less dangerous than the trucking he used to do in Alaska. 

The ice is unpredictable and Ivan was getting a little too old to be taking those kinds of risks anymore. The jobs themselves were starting to get too far and in between to make any kind of living. Plus, despite not being the most social person he did like being around people and there were more of them he ran into late at night down south. He left Russia to find stable work in the U.S deciding that Alaska would make him less homesick. There was also a shortage of truckers willing to take on the treacherous roads. Driving over a frozen lake gave him a rush of adrenaline that Ivan misses more than he should. He now gets his thrills somewhere else. 

He does enjoy his moments of peace. Sometimes when it's late at night he'll climb onto the trailer using the window to leverage himself and watch the billions of stars overhead. The warmth the South brought was something he has grown to appreciate, it can be quiet unless you know where to look. 

It has its other charms as well, particularly a 24 hour breakfast joint that no matter the time or weather was open for business. The menu is simple, the staff upfront, the patrons… are interesting to say the least. Drifters, night owls, and people looking for a decently priced waffle at 2am made their way to the Waffle House. 

After his first Waffle House experience a few months back, the allure of its unique atmosphere always kept him coming back for more. Whether it be late night conversations with other lonely patrons or sitting comfortably alone in a completely packed dining area Ivan feels himself drawn to the energy. 

The interesting characters certainly keep him coming back for more. He is certain that the staff are required to have iron flowing through their veins and a wide vocabulary to handle any customer services needs. 

After leaving Anya, his beautiful 18-wheeler at a truck stop next to the Waffle House, he makes his way over to the familiar yellow glow that illuminates the dark and empty interstate. He wants to get some reading done and people watch, as it often gets a little lonely on the road by himself. 

Ivan walks into the establishment and finds himself to be caught in a traditional standoff. Some drunk middle aged man way past his prime stumbles, holding onto the cash register. On the other side of the counter stands a younger blonde in around his early 20s holding a spatula in his hands. His brows furrowed in determination and agitation at the escalated situation. His eyes are a vibrant blue that Ivan can't seem to keep his gaze off of. They are not fighting in his way so Ivan sits himself down at the other side of the counter , curious about what is to happen next. 

“This doesn't involve you boy so see yourself the fuck out of it and I won’t have to beat your faggot ass!” the man spits out, his face reddened with anger. It seems that the younger employee is playing defense for someone else. Low and behold a smaller more slender brunette waiter with a defining curl cowering behind the blond started to piece everything together. 

“Chi cazzo credi di essere?!* Your fat ass ordered two meals so I fucking charged you for two!” The Italian bit back, but made no move to come out from cowering behind his coworker. 

“The fuck did you just call me!? You really gonna protect this little cocksucker? Just give me my goddamn change!” The man steps forwards into the counter as he tries to reach for the brunette, who is now screaming at his coworker to do something. The blonde doesn't move and sets his spatula on the counter. 

“C’mon go take your break or something. You're kinda making things worse.” Ivan can catch the taller one whisper. Lovino is gone in an instant through the door on the far right of the kitchen. Ivan has never seen an escape made quite that quickly. It seems the worker was all bark no bite. His American counterpart on the other hand seems to be holding his own just fine. His eyes flick back over to the fight. 

“You think you can take me?” he slurs, his words bleeding into each other as a wave of confidence takes the man over as he stretches his arms out behind him enticing Alfred to hit him. 

“Are you just gonna talk out of your ass all night or hit me, bitch?” The blond bit back, his invitation for the fight loud and clear if the man decided to proceed. 

This pisses off the larger man as he swings for the younger man's face. He is met with instant karma as the younger man slams his face into the counter and a crack could be heard after the man shouts out in pain. He pushes himself back and  trips backwards as he lands pressed up against the windows near the entrance. 

“You motherfucker!” The man is now completely enraged as he holds his bleeding nose. Ivan catches a glimpse of the other man's name tag. 

“Alfred F.J”

Ivan now knows the name of the champion he is rooting for. The younger man looked good in uniform, the way his arms look accentuated by the blue rolled up sleeves. It would look even better laying on the ground as Ivan fucks into him. He wonders if he is just a mouthy in bed. Ivan watches the virile man ready himself to jump the counter if the drunk didn't leave after that stunt. Alfred looks over at Ivan, just noticing that he has been sitting there the entire time. 

“I’ll be back to take your order. This’ll just take a second, can you watch these?” Alfred asks as he slips his glasses off and places them on the counter next to Ivan for safe keeping. Ivan gives him a small nod, intrigued at the quick switch of tone. He likes the tone of his voice and the soft twange of his accent. 

The drunken man steadies himself. He isn't very smart, but that has been apparent since the beginning. He charges with a yell and Alfred wastes no time in hoisting himself up and over the counter and kicking him square in the chest as he does so. A sharp gasp leaves the man as the wind is knocked out of him. He sputters and coughs landing on his back against the cool tile below. 

Alfred takes a hand and wraps it around one of the older man's ankles and begins to drag him out of the establishment. The man curses every slur and curse in the book as he tries to get up, but Alfred doesn’t let him. 

If there were more people here, Ivan swears a video of this would be posted somewhere. Ivan doesn't follow Alfred outside. The Waffle House employee is back a couple moments later. Ivan looks back behind him and can see the drunken man struggling to leave in defeat. 

Alfred lets out a sigh of exasperation and makes his way back behind the counter, without jumping over it. He picks up his glasses and straightens out his hat. Ivan is surprised it stayed on the entire time.

“Sorry about that asshole. All kinds this time of night. What can I get you?” His voice is smooth yet professional. Ivan finds it endearing although he knows it's just good customer service. 

Ivan orders his regular dish and Alfred offers him a wink. His cock twitches at the flirtatious gesture. He is cute, can fight, and can obviously cook,  a man after his own heart. 

“That accent’s a long way from home.” Alfred begins to start some small talk as he grabs the necessary ingredients from the fridge. 

“Ah, but it is not homesick. Not when I get to meet so many compelling people. Like yourself.” Ivan responds back, his tone making his interest in Alfred well known, but not so much that if Alfred wanted to he could simply just take it as a compliment. 

By the way Alfred pauses momentarily before cracking two eggs over the griddle, Ivan can safely assume the man is at least considering it. The two don't say much else to the other. Ivan starts reading his book as Alfred begins making another meal. There are no other customers, so he figures he is fixing a plate for himself.

Ivan finishes his meal after Alfred finishes cooking the second plate just as Lovino pokes his head out of the door. 

“I-Is the bastard gone?” He squeaks out looking right and left to make sure the coast is clear. Alfred sets the finished meal onto the counter close to Lovino. 

“Yeah, he's gone. C’mere, I made you something.” offering the plate of pecan pancakes to his foul mouthed coworker. Lovino squints his eyes at him, fully emerging from behind the door. He eyes Alfred suspiciously. 

“Jesus, don't be so paranoid. I'm gonna smoke, so just stay here until I come back, okay?” Alfred isn't actually asking and Lovino doesn't really care as he takes the waffles and leans against the fridge ready to enjoy the spoils of his bribe. Alfred takes off his apron and drapes it on the seat next to Ivan, their eyes intentionally meeting one another in acknowledgement. An invitation. 

Ivan's eyes follow Alfred outside, suddenly also feeling like a cigarette could be just the thing he needs. Lovino grumpily rings him out and Ivan is on his way leavin a generous tip. He finds Alfred smoking as he leans up against one of the only 2 cars in the parking lot. He doesn't look surprised to see Ivan  and offers him a smile as the trucker comes closer. Ivan pulls out his own pack of smokes and places one between his lips as he takes his place next to Alfred leaning against his car. 

The sound of a lighter can be heard, Ivan turns and dips his head down to meet the flames as his cigarette begins to burn. They are quiet for a moment. 

“What time does your shift end?” Ivan asks, knowing that Alfred probably doesn't have too long of a break and would probably appreciate efficiency. 

Alfred chuckles and then takes a drag of his cigarette, savoring the taste and sensation of the nicotine that Ivan hopes he can taste later on his lips. 

“I'm here till 10am big guy, but Lovino’ll cover for at least another 25 minutes.” It is still an offer that Ivan has a difficult time resisting. Straight to the point and direct. It's something he has always appreciated about Waffle House and their employees. Both take a few minutes to finish off their cigarettes, before Ivan begins to lead the way to his truck.

Translation:

* Who the fuck do you think you are?

[doomandgloomfromthetomb]

INTERVIEWS ETC 2023

I sometimes talk to people! Going back over the last year, I had some nice conversations with some very cool people. I like doing interviews, but they definitely stress me out a little bit. I suppose it's good to get out of your comfort zone from time to time, though ... So yeah, here are a few of those interviews, in case you missed 'em the first time around.

HEAD VOICE (James Jackson Toth, Ben Chasny, Donovan Quinn)

Donovan Quinn: There’s one aspect of process which is like a user manual. You know, turning on a machine, how you control the bass or whatever. But then there’s a part of process which is more of our terrain, where it’s kind of a story. An artist or a group of artists is interacting with all these elements — each other, gear, inspiration. With each of our pieces in Head Voice, we’re getting little bits of that story.

ILYAS AHMED

With my record, I’ve seen people reference Loren Connors, which is great — I’m a huge fan of Loren Connors. But I’m always comparing it to something like Bill Fay, maybe in an emotional sense. Or like, Neil Young — how do I make “Cortez The Killer” … but not just copy it. One of my favorite Coltrane tunes is “Alabama.” Those eternal favorites you always come back to. How can I make something that feels like that without just doing that, right? I’m not interested in copying it, I’m interested in transmuting it, making it fit into my weird perspective of the world. 

WILL HERMES

As an artist, [Lou] was a “transformer,” and everybody has their own version of who he was. What they want him to be, what aspect of his character they wanted to take in. I tried to show them all. I don’t know if they all morph into a single, intelligible human being. But maybe that is part of what was endlessly fascinating about him. He was all of these things simultaneously and they didn’t all necessarily add up.

M. SAGE

I think it’s radical to have fun. And to be silly. It’s not meant as escapism or denial, but the world is dark and weird. And it keeps getting darker and weirder. It’s radical for an artist to afford an audience joy or pleasure. I mean, I love a lot of that solemn, serious, foreboding electro-acoustic music. There’s incredible stuff, obviously. But I wanted to make something that felt fun. And accessible! That’s radical, too, I think.

HORSE LORDS

Andrew Bernstein: We’re trying to make things that sound interesting to us, first and foremost. But we’re also hoping that the music and the way we operate spurs the listener to think differently. Every act is political, and our decisions might make someone reconsider how they make music or how they go about their lives.

BRENDA SAUTER

“The Obedient Atom” at White Eagle Hall was really special. That was one of the original Willies songs and it never got recorded. It was one of those songs that was always left behind for one reason or another. To finally play it out just felt incredible … and then the fire alarm went off and everyone had to evacuate [laughter]. There’s something about that song! Surreal. The atom wasn’t so obedient that night.

Further reading: Bill Million on the Feelies' live tribute to an Underground legend

GUIDING LIGHT: A TOM VERLAINE APPRECIATION

Alasdair MacLean: I also think of some of Stephan Mallarme’s phrases – “the musician of empty nothingness.” Verlaine seemed to be working in parallel: “Watching the corners turn corners;” “Lightning struck itself.” The language turns in on itself, like the guitar solos. He obviously knew those poets back to front. I imagine lots of other people have tried to do this since, but all of them have made fools of themselves. Verlaine never did.

Further reading: Tom Verlaine - 20 Great Tracks

SPIRAL STAIRS

When we first started talking about rehearsing, I was like, “We’re probably going to be playing the same 20 songs. Let’s just pick another 15 songs that we know we can bust out.” Eventually, we finally came to that point…but then in rehearsals we ended up playing probably like 60 songs [laughs]. I’m like, “Oh my god!” That was just for the two Primavera shows, so it was like “Come on!” It took a while to re-learn all of that stuff. 

[anitablogs1931]

I am happy you like it!

I’m such a scifi and space nerd since I was a kid! The explanation up there was just the bare minimum of what I have planned, I tried telling people THE MOST BASIC information about Timedrifters

Of course I HAVE MORE, mind this is a little more complex

SOME MORE EXTRA INFO:

Drifterverse is not a real Multiverse, it’s a parallel Universe, like every human crafted Universe should be

Always separate dimensions from each other, even if they can effect each other!

THESE ARE NOT MATHEMATICAL DIMENSIONS! Of course, time itself is one dimensional!

Disclaimer: Drifterverse has only 3 true dimensions! I’ll still be calling other things overlapping with this universe “dimensions”, like the Shadow Dimension, the Time Dimension, etc.

“AUs” and stories are called “Concept” as a whole, with a Core Concept/Idea and Timelines that radiate from it, they are only visible and matter in the Time Dimension

Empty spots in the Time Dimension mean in this part of Drifterverse, there are no living life forms that can perceive time, pretty logical

Everyone exists in every dimension in some kind of form, dying in one doesn’t erase you from the others, but it effects them

For example, die in the one you physically matter and you’re still alive in the astral dimension until someone kills you there (that’s Reaper’s job). That way ghosts can exist and appear if you summon them, at least as long as a Reaper grants them

Reapers are not allowed to kill you in every dimension! Mind their job is only to kill a few versions of you from only one timeline! They have to be very precise and careful

If there are too many Timestrings coming from one timeline and the story is missing too many important people at different time stamps, it can rupture the entire timeline into pieces

Let’s say a character in story “kills the universe”. Does this erase the timeline? The Concept? Heck, Drifterverse?? No. Every concept is in some sort of bubble they think is a “universe” but none of them could ever endanger Drifterverse itself!

Most people forget how BIG and EMPTY an actual Universe is! The light years Concepts are away from each other are crazy. Pretty amateurish from those people.

The timeline might fade into nothing if they kill every living being there perceiving things (including themselves), but it doesn’t effect what happened in time before, you could technically still travel back before all the shit happened

You time-travel and change events? You’re scared of a paradox? Problem solved itself with the “copy, edit, paste” principle! You do that with the timeline and everything is fine, it just creates a new timeline

Metro (aka Error Sans) just hates when people do it because, like in the graphs before, can cause not only the timeline to be copy pasted, but also who’s currently out of it with a Timestring! Imagine that kind of chaos just because someone wanted to prevent their brother dying

That’s why he creates invisible firewalls around every whole Concept like a bubble and tells people they are in an AU they can’t leave and that the “Multiverse” outside has different rules and tears them apart like a black hole (necessary lie)

Too many Concepts completely rupturing besides each other at the same time could cause a black hole disc in the Time Dimension that feasts on all the time surrounding it till nothing is left, but let’s be honest, that timing is almost impossible

Worm holes only appear in the Time Dimension but they effect the physical matter one directly and can cause random individuals to glitch through their timeline and land somewhere entirely different

Wormholes are literally caused by almost parasitic negative matter grouping like a worm that chews holes in the Time Dimension

ALL OF THESE IDEAS ARE CREDITED TO ME AND MY NERDY BRAIN

Of course, these rules and organizational work are still a HUGE WIP and need a lot of attention and polishing from my side

[bowandcurtsey]

Hi Aine❤ After reading your Yami x Reader who dies after childbirth, it broke my heart into pieces. And I suddenly thought what if the other BC boys' S/O dies after childbirth, can I request that? Please get some more sleep everyday and stay healthy💖

Hi lovely bby! Thank you for loving that fic! It broke my heart too, I just wanted to give Yami a huge hug ಥ‿ಥ

Yes sure we can do the others, but because I only do longer fics for one character only, and I would do HCs or short scenrios for multiple characters in one request! :)

Also I have wrote about the boys and their s/o dying before, you can take a look at the HCs here. I will be adding on to those HCs, so be sure to read THESE too! :3

Nozel | Fuegoleon | William x f! reader

TW: character death, angst.

Nozel Silva

It was the one thing he dreaded the most; because that was how he lost his mother. His mother died protecting them and now, you had left him because of your child too.

Why? He constantly questioned himself. He constantly questioned god. Why does he have to lose people that were dear to him. People that he could feel safe with and open up his heart to.

It took him a long time to finally open up to someone and love someone. Only for him to lose you in the worst way possible.

For days, he wouldn't eat. He would only barely drink. He held onto your child and stared at them, staring at whatever resemblance they had of you.

It took him a long time to walk out of grieve. And truth to be told. He never got over you. He never really healed completely.

He would be fiercely over protective to your child, for he could never bear to lose anyone dear again.

As your child grew up, initially, they detested their father for being fierce and stubborn towards them. They barely had any freedom, their meals were planned by the best nutritionist, they had a personal trainer to make sure they were in the best of health.

Nozel refused to let them be a magic knight. They refused to let them do any work that was unsafe. In his thoughts, he was fine for them to just live off him for the rest of their life. If he could, he would lock them up, so he would never lose them just like he lost his mother and wife.

It wasn't until someone around him (fuegoleon, dorothy, solid or nebra) knocked him to his senses and told him that he was hurting them instead of protecting them.

Nozel barely spoke of you. It always hurt. Thinking of you was painful, he always felt like he couldn't breathe as his mind flashed to memories of you. Your smiles, your laughter, your scent, your voice. What used to be lovely memories became a nightmare to him, for everytime he reminisced about the times he had with you, he had to come back to a huge and empty bed without you.

Fuegoleon Vermillion

Fuego was always a very strong willed and responsible man. Even when his wife passed away because of childbirth, he only took time off for your funeral and he returned to work after that.

He would give the best things to his children. Everything that they wanted. It was difficult to explain why their mother was gone. But he did it the best that he could and as honestly as they could understand.

He wouldn't blame them nor will he let them blame on themselves. He would try his best to hide his grief and continue being positive and strong for them.

But there were days when he looked at them, and saw you in them. Like how they loved to have a certain habit like you did, and how a certain trait of them was just like yours, he couldn't help but miss you even more.

Sometimes when he held them or put them to sleep, a tear cannot help itself but roll down the corner of his eyes.

He would try to give them both a fatherly and motherly love. Being there for them as much as he could as they grew up. Teaching them their homework, playing with them, helping them do small things like tying their hair, or wearing their shoes.

He would still let his children do whatever they wanted but he would definitely tag along if they were doing anything dangerous. Hell, he would try to follow them around even though they were just heading out actually, to make sure your children don't come to any harm's way.

When would constantly think about what you would do for the kids if you were still here, and sometimes beat himself up for not being a good mother like you were.

He never actually walks out from the pain of losing you. He constantly talks about you with your kids and always remind them of how great of a mother and person you were.

William Vangeance

William would be overwhelmed with sorrow and anguish. For days he would hold onto your baby and cried, until Julius and Yami had to pull him out of it for the sake of the baby.

He tried coming back to work but he just could not focus and would constantly space out and have tears in his eyes.

His members wanted to tell him to take a break, but at the same time they knew that him coming back to work was the best for everyone since there was someone that could keep an eye on him.

He would constantly still talk about you, as if you were still around, and people around him knew better than you tell him the truth, so they just played along with whatever he said.

As time passed and the pain slowly subsided and he was more aware of what was going on, he carried on his captain duties but he also brought the baby to work with him.

He wanted to personally care for the child and bring them up. He didn't want your child to feel any less loved and if he could he wanted to give them extra love and everything they needed or wanted.

He always gave them the best of everything; clothes, food, schools. He also made sure to teach them life values and also personally train them to fight.

He doted on them and barely scolded them. He tries his best to be by their side throughout. From school events to parent meetings. He still keeps your photo on his beside table and he speaks to you daily. He asks whether you're proud of him and your child. He asks how you are up in heaven and whether he'll get to meet you again. He promises to protect and nurture your child as long as he lives.

When your kids asks about you, he would tell them the truth. Because he felt that they needed to know how much their mother sacrificed a for both of them. But they would also tell their child that it was not their fault that this has happened. It was just fate. As much as he hated to say it, he didn't know a better word than fate. Maybe you were an angel in disguise and had fulfilled your duty on Earth, therefore it was time to return.

He could only tell that to you and your child. Because that was the best explanation there could be.

-end-

[boowanie]

Pairing: Wonwoo x Reader

Genre: Fluff and angst (!!)

Word count: 7.3k+

Warning(s): Grief, mention of illness, major character death. This one is sad my beans.

Eri’s note 💌: I would love love to hear your feedback on this piece beans 🥺 I hope you all enjoy it!

Summary: You were beautiful and everything Wonwoo deserved but sadly, seasons come and go and so did you.

A wave of nostalgia fills the air when his eyes land on a picture he buried amongst his belongings a couple of years ago. It was a simple picture of you by his side, his smile as big as ever and yours matched his in the sweltering heat of Jeju island. It was a picture taken by a mutual friend who he hasn’t been in contact with in awhile. Despite the years that have passed, a twinge of sadness still pokes at his heart whenever he thinks of you — someone he loved so deeply and someone who loved him as best as they could.

He sighs for the nth time and collects the rest of the pictures he hid in a box so that he could shine a little light on the memories he had left of you and your smile he thought of the most. Mingyu stills by the door as he watches his friend swipe a thumb across a picture of you, his heart aching as much as Wonwoo’s whenever memories of your laughter plays in his mind.

You were beautiful and sweet, someone who was perfect for Wonwoo but life was never going to be that easy. Of course it wasn’t.

“Woo, where do you want me to put this,” Mingyu interrupts, holding up a box of kitchen supplies. Wonwoo places your pictures down on a pile of clothes, some belonging to you, and directs him to the kitchen where a line of boxes stood, waiting to be organised and unpacked. 

“Here should be good,” Wonwoo points to an empty spot near the kitchen sink. He leans against the kitchen counter and watches his friend slowly unpack his belongings out of the box. He is truly grateful to have someone like Mingyu. Someone who never urged him to talk about you, knowing how hard it was to cope with losing someone he spent his youth with. Wonwoo sighs again before leaving Mingyu to organise his things.

He returns to the living room and his eyes gazes down at the pictures he left. He takes them in his hands again and for the last time, he brushes his fingers gently across your face and sighs again. “I miss you,” he whispers, bringing the picture to his lips and pecking it softly. Wonwoo walks over to his bedroom and takes out an empty picture frame that was gifted to him by his mother. He places the picture inside and displays it on his nightstand. Wonwoo takes a step back and admires the picture before helping Mingyu unpack the rest of things.

It’s nearing midnight when Mingyu takes his leave. He bids his older friend goodbye and tells him to call him if he needs anything. Wonwoo proceeds to clean up after he leaves, hoping to unpack more things before he calls it a night. But after washing up the dishes they used, Wonwoo’s body slumps forward in exhaustion. He tries to stifle a yawn but as minutes pass by, his body leans to the side and he finally closes his eyes.

That night he dreams of you. The memories he keeps in his heart slowly consumes his dreams as he sees you smiling from afar.

—

Four years ago.

Seungkwan screams in your ear as soon as you step into the house. He catches the attention of the other guys who are also residing in the house. You cover his mouth with your hand and apologise to his housemates. The older guys simply wave you off and welcome you into their house. Seungkwan has a tight hold on you as the guys begin to introduce themselves. You have no idea how you were going to remember their names but you’ll ask Seungkwan to help you later on. 

The last person who introduces himself catches your attention. He seems familiar but you brush it off when he gives you a small wave. Seungkwan catches the way your eyes linger on Wonwoo before you put your attention back to your best friend. He wiggles his eyebrows at you, causing your face to heat up in embarrassment. 

“We’ll be studying upstairs if you guys need anything,” Seungkwan informs them before dragging you up the stairs in a hurry. When he opens his door, your eyes land on two beds and a large study table you presume he shares with his roommate. Some pictures were stuck on the walls, you noted and a fancy gaming setup was placed on one side of the large study desk. 

“That’s Wonwoo’s. Please don’t go anywhere near it unless you have a death wish. The last time I tried to open it for fun, he nearly bit my head off,” Seungkwan announces.

“However, you can use his chair. I doubt he’s gonna come up here to study today,” he pulls over Wonwoo’s gaming chair and places it by your side. You hesitantly take a seat, careful not to do anything to his precious gaming chair. Next, you pull out your books and laptop out of your bag and place them on the study desk next to Seungkwan’s belongings. You both decided to study organic chemistry together. The thoughts of your precious benzene rings and curly arrows were beginning to make you tear up at the mere sight of it. 

“Do you have any idea what Professor Lee did today?”

“Nope,” you groan and smack your head with your book. You had no idea why your professor was being the most difficult man when it came to teaching organic chemistry but it was also both your faults for choosing to study science (despite the multiple warnings Seungkwan’s older sister gave you and him). 

“How about we ask Wonwoo?” Seungkwan suddenly rises on his feet as if he won the lottery. He proceeds to thump his head with his hand as if he were calling himself dumb. 

“How could I forget about Wonwoo?!” he groans out. 

“What about him?” you curiously ask, opening your notebook that is filled with structures that haunt you even in your sleep.

“He told me he took this class last year,” he informs you. So he was a year older, you thought. Seungkwan leaves to grab Wonwoo downstairs and you are left nibbling on the top of your pen in stress. After a couple of minutes of waiting, Seungkwan comes back with Wonwoo trailing behind him. His eyes zero in on you sitting on his gaming chair and you instantly squirm under his gaze. He’s surely not going to bite your head off is he? You stand up just in case and you push the gaming chair back to where it was originally placed. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and pushed his gaming chair back to you.

“Whatever this one said, just know he’s overreacting,” Wonwoo points at Seungkwan and shakes his head. You shyly sit back on his chair and he stands by your side since you were the only one with your book opened. 

“Ah I know this one,” Wonwoo points at a mechanism you and Seungkwan are currently trying to comprehend. He gestures for your pen and notebook and you hand it to him. Your heartbeat quickens slightly when he leans down to write something in your notebook. He jots down some information on all the structures and curly arrows he draws on your paper and hands them back to you. 

“See this one lost water that’s why this is the end product,” he points out. You read the other notes he left in your notebook and you begin to understand the mechanism bit by bit. Seungkwan who is sitting to your right nods along in agreement as he copies down what Wonwoo wrote. He lets out a grateful sound that makes you and Wonwoo look at each other before giggling at your best friend. 

“As expected, Wonwoo is the best at everything,” Seungkwan says before nudging your leg with his. Wonwoo catches this and he slowly smiles to himself. 

“I’ll be over here if you guys need to ask more questions,” he gestures towards his gaming set up and you instantly feel bad when he grabs another chair from Mingyu’s room. 

“You can have this back,” you suddenly tell him when Seungkwan takes a small break to make you and him a small snack in the kitchen. You start to stand up but Wonwoo shakes his head in disagreement. 

“No, keep it there. It’ll be easier for your back.”

You wanted nothing more than to combust like the reaction you did in the lab with Seungkwan earlier on. 

And that was the first day a small seed of feelings planted its way into Wonwoo’s heart.

—

You encounter the 6ft something man again during a late night in the library where he works at. The cold wind passing through the window near your table was starting to irritate you as each second passed by. But due to your lack of height and shyness to ask the other person near your desk to close it, you chose to endure the cold and tightened your jacket around yourself instead. 

Wonwoo is returning the books some students handed to him earlier on when he spots your figure shivering near the large windows of the campus library. He looks around for any sign of Seungkwan and when you continue to rub your arms, he drops the books back on the trolley and makes his way towards you. You don’t notice him when he shuts the window with ease but he does make his presence known when he shrugs off his jumper and hands it to you. You pull out your headphones and tilt your head in confusion.

Wonwoo’s eyes widens when he realises that you may have forgotten who he was. 

“It’s Wonwoo, Seungkwan’s roommate,” he quickly says. You giggle in response and nod your head.

“I remember you,” you reassure him. You hold up his jumper and hand it back to him but before you could even stretch out your arm, he pushes the jumper back towards you.

“You’re freezing,” he simply states. This back and forth continues until a student nearby sighs in frustration. 

“We get it, you’re both in love with each other so please just take his jumper and be quiet,” the student rolls his eyes before slotting back his headphones over his ears. You and Wonwoo’s eyes widen at his words. You whisper a thank you in his direction before he waves you goodbye. 

Seungkwan arrives an hour later and his eyes land on Wonwoo’s jumper that you are wearing underneath your jacket.

“Why are you wearing Wonwoo’s jumper,” he whispers underneath his breath. You rip out a small piece of paper from your notebook and jot down “he offered it to me” in small writing. Seungkwan smirks at you before handing you back the piece of paper.

“I’m surprised he offered you his jumper considering that man can’t stand the cold.”

Your cheeks heat up as you read the words.

Why did he offer you his jumper?

—

“Come on please!” Seungkwan and Dino stand in front of you as they begin to beg you to attend their party. The two barged into your apartment not too long ago with an outfit in hand which you were certain belonged to Jeonghan’s girlfriend. They both rummaged through your closet the night before and without giving it much thought you let them not knowing they were going to ask you to attend their party the following day. You pick up another sushi with your fingers and shove it into your mouth before replying to the boys. 

“You both know I don’t do parties,” you casually say, picking up another sushi. The boys watch as you devour another piece before Dino steps forward and grabs the rest of your sushi from the table. You begin to protest but Seungkwan drags you, screaming and all, into your bedroom where the dress lies neatly on your bed. 

“Come on yn! How is your love story with Wonwoo gonna progress if you don’t show him what he’s missing out on!”

“First of all, there’s no love story and second, why can’t I just have a peaceful night in with my sushi and dramas,” you flop back on your bed right beside the dress that you decide is the prettiest clothing you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Thanks to Jeonghan’s girlfriend who was in on the plan of getting you to come to the party.

“Okay fine. But please come? You barely have any fun unless you’re around us,” Seungkwan flops down beside you and Dino enters your bedroom, munching on your sushi. 

“He’s right,” he points out with his chopstick. He swallows his food before running towards you and Seungkwan at full speed. It isn’t long until the younger boy flops his body on top of you and Seungkwan. You groan in pain and push his body off yours. You stand in front of them again and decide to give in to their requests. 

The two high five each other before nudging you towards your bathroom.

“Wonwoo is gonna be so happy.”

“No he’s not,” you yell out.

Maybe they were right, maybe Wonwoo is happy to see you because as soon as you stepped into their shared house, he beams at the sight of you which earns a teasing smirk from Dino. He leans close to you and teases you with another “I told you so” before going into the kitchen to grab you a drink.

Wonwoo waves at you slowly and the girl beside him suddenly throws a deathly glare in your direction. He excuses himself and walks over to where you are currently standing. He leans down to give you a small hug and you catch a whiff of his cologne that you grew to like after spending hours and hours with him at the library from time to time. He leans down again to talk to you. The music that Soonyoung and Seungcheol are playing drowns out the words he says into your ear which causes you to lean against him further to hear him better.

“I said I’m surprised dumb and dumber managed to pull you out of your apartment,” his breath slightly tickles your ear and you swear you’ve never been this close to him. You smile at him before tiptoeing to talk to him. You balance yourself by placing your hand on his shoulder and he does the unexpected and places his hand on your waist.

“Dumb and dumber threatened they’d ransack my apartment if I don’t go out,” you giggle in his ear. Seungkwan and Dino watch your interaction with Wonwoo with fond smiles adorning their faces. 

“They grow up so fast,” Mingyu states behind them, wiping a fake tear underneath his eye. The three of them laugh before they join their friends who are playing the hongsam game. The level of noise emitting from the kitchen catches your attention and you lean away from Wonwoo to watch the rest of the boys. You laugh when Dokyeom mixes up his own name and Wonwoo watches you with a grin on his face.

He taps your shoulder and offers you his hand. You shyly take his hand in yours before he leads you into the kitchen to play with the boys. 

And for the rest of the night, Wonwoo’s hand never leaves yours.

—

The days pass by in a blur. The chilly autumn weather is soon replaced by winter and you wanted nothing more than for summer to come. The last slide Professor Lee presents nearly has you and Seungkwan falling off your chairs in boredom. Your hands are still drawing the structures he was presenting but your mind wanders off to a certain guy who hasn’t left your mind for quite some time. You pass by him on campus from time to time and you get to hang out with him whenever you visit Seungkwan in their shared house. The boys love having you around - some liked to baby you like a little sibling while the rest enjoyed your company. Whenever you aren’t around, the boys teased Wonwoo to the point where he became immune to their teasing.

Once Professor Lee dismisses the class, you and Seungkwan pack your things and hurriedly exit the lecture hall to catch up with your friends who are on their way back to the house. Seungcheol and Jeonghan offered to drive some of you home but they explicitly said “first come, first serve” which is why you and Seungkwan are currently running to the parking lot. You pass by some of your own friends who only chuckle as they watch you and Seungkwan rush down the hallways. You both round another corner and unfortunately for you, you collide with someone as you did. Due to shock, the person grabs your hand and you end up toppling over the person.

You wait for your bodies to hit the floor but only the person’s body clashes with the floor. 

“I’m so so so sorry,” you quickly open your eyes and much to your surprise, Wonwoo is laying underneath you in pain. You hurriedly move yourself off him and apologise profusely. He gives you a lopsided smile but he suddenly winces in pain when you touch his shoulder to help him get up. He winces again when he tries to rotate his shoulder and you wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you up. 

“Woo are you okay?”

“Never been better,” he says through clenched teeth. He tries to hide the pain from you when he waves you off but you hold his hand and guide him to the nurse’s clinic that is situated just a couple of rooms away from where you and him collided. You quickly fish out your phone from your pocket and send a text to Seungkwan about what happened. You tighten your hand around Wonwoo’s when you hear him groan in pain again. 

When you arrive at the nurse’s clinic, Wonwoo urges you to stay by his side and you faintly remember Seungkwan telling you about Wonwoo’s fear of nurses and doctors - something to do with a family member passing away. You stay by his side even when the nurse begins to examine his shoulder. Thankfully, his shoulder isn't broken but the nurse advises him to keep it easy for a couple of days. 

Once you step out of the clinic, you grab his bag and place it in front of you as your own is dangling on your back. Wonwoo tries to get his bag back but with a deathly stare and a scolding from you, he purses his lips and grabs your hand instead. You walk back to their house hand in hand and the silence of the winter air consumes you both. You found it weird but also comforting how easily his hand seems to fit in yours. The fact that you are both holding hands without much thought suddenly makes your stomach flip. 

After arriving at the boys’ house and Seungcheol’s lengthy scolding about running and watching where you were going, you help Wonwoo go to his room. The rest of the boys decided to stay downstairs to play another round of mario kart. You place Wonwoo’s bag on his bed and when you turn around to ask if he needs any help with anything, your eyes land on Wonwoo struggling to take his jacket off. 

You make your way towards him and without much thought, you replace his hands with yours and slowly unbutton his jacket with your fingers. His breath hitched in his throat and you could feel him slowly breathe down on you. When you remove the last button, you gently place your hands on his chest and peer up at him.

“Thanks,” he whispers, his lips hovering dangerously close to your lips. Wonwoo momentarily closes his eyes and you mimic his actions. Little by little your lips touch gently against each other. His lips are chapped from the cold you note as you thread your fingers through his locks, tugging him a little closer to you. He snakes his arms around your waist and pulls you into his warmth. You have no idea how long you stood kissing Jeon Wonwoo, but you were certain you didn’t want it to end.

The little seed of feelings that planted in his heart seemed to grow as you continued to kiss him so tenderly.

—

“I saw you and Wonwoo kissing,” Seungkwan plops down beside your figure. Your eyes momentarily winden in panic and Dino tries to pat your back as you begin to cough violently. The youngest smirks in your direction and you wanted nothing more than to punch it off his face. A couple of days since the kiss passed by and it was radio silence between you and Wonwoo. You felt like he was avoiding you and it saddened you a bit when your feelings for the guy have grown ever since you laid your eyes on him. 

“No you didn’t.”

“Did to.”

“Did not!”

“Did-”

“For the love of God, we all saw this coming okay? So what if you and Wonwoo kissed. It was bound to happen anyway. You and him were just prolonging it because you’re both cowards,” Dino pushes both your bodies to the side as he stands up to grab more drinks from your fridge. 

“But I think he’s avoiding me,” you finally say to the boys. The two share a knowing look before they circle around you. Dino hands you a can of sprite before gulping down his own drink.

“He’s not. Trust us,” Seungkwan starts, turning his head to look at Dino for some sort of confirmation. Dino nods, biting his lip as he continues to talk. “It’s always a difficult time for him during this time of the year.” You nod, understanding that the boys can’t disclose it with you. 

“It’s okay. I trust you guys.”

Seungkwan and Dino sit on either side of you again and you lean your head on your best friend. Whatever it may be, your heart aches for Wonwoo and what he may be going through. 

“Do you think I should text him tonight?” you suddenly ask the boys. The boys don’t take their eyes away from the TV but they both let out a “you should” in unison. So as soon as the two boys fall asleep on the floor, you slip out of their holds and pad your way quietly into your bedroom. You fish out your phone from your pocket and nervously hover your finger over Wonwoo’s number.

“Just call him you idiot,” you whisper quietly to yourself. You close your eyes and press his number. After a few rings on his end, he finally picks up and murmurs a soft hello.

“Hey ‘Woo! Just wanted to ask if you were doing okay,” you cheerfully ask him before laying on your bed. You count the number of glow in the dark stars you placed on your ceiling with the help of Mingyu and Wonwoo. Twelve you count but his only response was a soft cry. You clutch your pillow to your chest as he continues to sob. You don’t know how long it is until his cries die down. You finally speak when he clears his throat.

“Meet me at the park on campus?” you ask, slowly getting up.

“Okay.”

Wonwoo arrives there first, wanting to get there before you so you don’t end up alone waiting for him. He catches something small in your hand as you approach him with a smile. He wishes he could capture your smile with his camera. 

“Hold out your hand,” you beam at him as you sit beside him. He hesitantly opens his hand and you softly plop a plush keyring in his hand - the one he has been eyeing since you and him passed by one of the claw machines near the science building. It makes his heart swell when you close your fingers over his and he immediately pulls you in for a hug.

“You don’t know how much comfort you brought me tonight, angel,” he whispers against your temple. 

“Just glad I could help Wonwoo.”

—

Seungkwan eyes you as you rock yourself back and forth on your toes, lips pursed as you wait for your grade to be released. He removes his eyes from your figure when you wave him off, telling him to continue with his essay. He shrugs in response and you proceed to walk around your small living room in jitters. You didn’t realise your result from your last exam would come this soon but your classmate sent you a reminder and it has consumed your thoughts for the past couple of days.

“You’re starting to make me nervous yn. Is everything okay?”

You stare at your phone when an email comes in and your heart falters at your grade.

F.

“Never been better Kwan,” you whisper, although there’s a growing lump in your throat that makes you want to cry uncontrollably.

“Hey, I’m actually gonna step out for a little bit to talk to my mom. Apparently something’s up with Nina,” you clear your throat to mask the fact that there are tears lining your eyes. Thankfully, Seungkwan doesn’t notice the change of tone in your voice and the tears glazing your eyes.

You shove your feet in your shoes and grab the closest jacket that’s hanging on the door; Wonwoo’s. You only notice that it was his when you step out of your apartment building and onto the street.

You wipe the tears away from your face and begin your walk to the store. Seungkwan requested for cans of redbull and you needed to buy some food for the both of you. As you neared the store, Mingyu spots you walking towards the entrance but he notes your swollen eyes and your wet cheeks. He jogs over to you and calls out your name.

When you hear your name being called out, you turn around to see Mingyu waving at you with a bag of groceries in his other hand. You wait for him to walk over to you and before he could even utter a word, you burst into tears. Mingyu freezes at your state but he quickly wraps his arms around your figure when you continue to sob.

“I failed an exam for one of my classes, Gyu. I really needed to get a good grade so I could bump up my GPA,” you continue to cry on his chest. You feel bad when you break away from his embrace to find his grey jacket soaked in your tears.

“How about I help you with your groceries then drive you home?” he offers, which you gladly accept with a nod.

The drive home is spent in comfortable silence. You lean your head against the window while Mingyu hums whatever tune comes into his mind. You close your eyes momentarily and your thoughts bring you back to your grade and the sleepless nights, including the ones Wonwoo accompanied you in, you spent just so you could bump up your GPA. The disappointment that was weighing down on your chest earlier on seemed to come back with every traffic light you pass by and Mingyu notices your furrowed eyebrows which prompts him to nudge you with his phone, letting you play whatever song you want. You smile at his gesture and soon enough, “Astronomy” by Conan Gray is blasting from Mingyu’s speakers. You peer outside and you notice the ground is starting to be covered in snow which makes you tap Mingyu’s shoulder in hurry.

“Did you know snow is actually translucent,” you begin, looking back at Mingyu who is eyeing the traffic lights.

“Then why is it white?” he tilts his head.

“Because of the light reflecting the snow,” you answer.

Mingyu chuckles at your words, “This is why you and Wonwoo are perfect for each other.”

“What?”

“He pulls this shit on me all the time. Whenever he remembers the randomest things he can think of, he thinks he has an obligation to tell me about them. The other day he told me how dogs release heat-”

“Through their tongues,” you finish. 

“Exactly.”

“Do you think he likes me?” you question him, peering out of the window again. Mingyu huffs as he parks right outside your apartment building.

“Do you think he would go out of his way to come all the way to your apartment just to check if you’re doing okay?” he points at Wonwoo who is standing outside your apartment building with a paper bag that you recognised is from your favourite sushi place. 

“How did he-”

“I texted him while you were paying for your groceries,” he winks.

You’ve never been more grateful for the people in your life. You hug Mingyu and exit his car before sprinting your way over to Wonwoo with outstretched arms. Your bodies collide with each other but he tightens his hold on you to keep you from falling.

“Your grades don’t define you, sweetheart.”

“I know.”

He hugs you more tightly when a gust of wind passes by, and he watches as Mingyu drives off with a fond smile on his face.

—

With the arrival of spring, your blossoming feelings for Wonwoo only grows. He spends the majority of his days with you in your apartment or studying in the library. When Christmas rolled in, he left a small gift for you on your coffee table before he left to visit his family. You spent your Christmas with your family and Seungkwan’s. The dinner table was filled with memories of your childhood and the occasional teasing from your best friend and his sisters about a certain dark haired boy. Your parents and your older sister join in on the teasing when Wonwoo calls you during dinner. You were left feeling heated and flustered as you quickly left the dinner table.

“Earth to yn,” Seungkwan waves a hand in front of your face to catch your attention again. You swat his hand away and continue to look at the budding tree outside the building. 

“What do you want?”

“We need to plan our summer getaway,” he sucks on a hard candy and passes you the bag. You pop one into your mouth and begin to think of the possible places you could visit with your friends. An idea comes into your mind when you remember the waves of Jeju Island, your home.

“How about we bring them to Jeju this summer?” you propose, looking at Seungkwan with hopeful eyes.

“I can ask the boys. I think some of them really want to visit,” he agrees. The two of you begin to walk back to your lecture hall, the ten minute break your professor gave you earlier on was coming to an end. Before you enter the hall, you catch a glimpse of Wonwoo and another girl who has her arm looped around his. An unfamiliar feeling settles on your chest and Seungkwan notices the way your steps seem to falter. He follows your eyes in the direction they are looking at and his eyes land on Wonwoo and his project partner. He notes the way the girl drags him down with her arms and he can visibly tell how uncomfortable Wonwoo looks. 

“Let’s go,” you say, grabbing Seungkwan’s arm and pulling him into the lecture hall where your professor is already starting his class again. You slip into your seat and open your laptop to begin typing some notes. Throughout the lecture, Seungkwan glances at you and how you barely pay attention to what your professor was saying. You had minimum information typed out on your laptop and Seungkwan wanted nothing more than to snap you out if it with a flick on your forehead.

When the lecture ends, you gather your belongings as fast as you could and quickly bid your best friend goodbye. Before Seungkwan leaves the lecture hall he sends his roommate a quick text about you and his hunch that you’re jealous of a certain girl who was dangling on his arm earlier on.

You move to your next class lethargically with a cup of coffee in your hand. The unfamiliar feeling is still there when you sit next to your classmate. You tried to distract yourself during your class but your mind wanders back to Wonwoo and the girl. You sigh to yourself and try to shake your thoughts away in order to focus on your lecture. Your classmate sitting beside you notices the trouble etching your face and she hands you a chocolate bar underneath the table.

“Seems like you need it more than me.” She smiles at you before returning her focus to your professor. 

The class is soon over and you find yourself slowly fixing your belongings. Your classmate, Yuna, waits for you to pack your things and you both head out of the lecture hall. You were a couple of steps away from the room when you heard your name being called out and a series of footsteps coming towards you in hurry. Yuna winks at you before walking away with your other classmates. Before you could call out for her name, Wonwoo grabs your arm and pulls you away into a more secluded place. 

You don’t bother breaking away from his hold, knowing Wonwoo would just take your arm again if you begin to protest. You had an inkling that Seungkwan was behind all of Wonwoo’s actions and you mentally note to give your best friend a good scolding when you see him for dinner. Wonwoo stops walking when you reach the benches near the science building and he pulls you in for a hug. 

When you don’t return it, he breaks away and cups your face instead. You refuse to look at his eyes, embarrassment taking a toll on you when you realise how childish you were acting. Yes, you held hands with him and even kissed him once, but that doesn’t mean you had the right to get jealous because at the end of the day, Wonwoo was not your boyfriend. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get jealous,” you whisper, “I have no right to be jealous.”

Wonwoo places his pointer finger under your chin and raises your head so that you are now staring at him. 

“I’m sorry for being the biggest idiot in the world,” he chuckles softly and presses his forehead against your own.

“I like you..alot yn and I’d be the happiest guy in the world if you’d let me be your boyfriend?”

You can’t help the way your face heats up at his words. And you knew right then and there that you’d fallen so deeply for the man standing in front of you.

“I’ll think about it,” you tease, leaning up to peck his lips.

If only Wonwoo was able to pause this moment forever, he would have to save himself from the impending heartbreak he was about to experience. 

—

Months pass by and the arrival of summer soon comes. You were much brighter. More youthful according to your peers. Even Wonwoo who was stuck to you like glue was experiencing the brightness that was etched on your face. The summer holiday the boys and you have planned was soon approaching but your focus now was on your finals that seemed to drag on for days on end. Wonwoo was cooped up in your apartment with you, not like he wasn’t on other days. He found himself spending more of his time in your apartment than he did at his house that he shared with the boys. You’ve even cleared out a section of your clothes from your closet to give his clothes some space to be stored in.

“Do you want to order food?” Wonwoo walks into your bedroom where you were studying. Wonwoo decided to study in the living room so you don’t end up distracting each other. You peek up at the clock hanging on your wall and you nod at him. He walks over to where you are sitting down and pulls you up. You furrow your eyebrows until he sits down on your chair and pulls you onto his lap.

“What do you feel like having?” he asks, circling his arms around your torso before opening his phone so that you could both scroll through the menus available. He finds himself perching his head on your shoulder while browsing through a menu.

“Anything would be nice at this point,” you reply. He continues to hum as he scrolls through more menus and you find yourself basking in the quietness surrounding the both of you. You lean your head against Wonwoo’s and close your eyes as he spots a food place that he knows you would like. He orders while you continue to rest your eyes.

“Food should be arriving in half an hour. You can take a nap ‘till then, sweetheart,” he mumbles. When Wonwoo attempts to lift you up to place you on your bed, you let out a string of whines in protest. He chuckles before seeming to understand that you were already comfortable with being on his lap.

“You get so clingy when you’re tired,” he notes.

“So?” you pout, wrapping your arms around his neck tighter as you slowly drift to sleep. 

“I love you,” Wonwoo whispers when he thinks you’re fast asleep.

“I love you too.”

—

Your eyes seem to sparkle, Wonwoo notes, when you peer out through the window to bask in the beautiful waves of the sea. He likes the way your entire face brightens when you watch the little children playing on the sand and the old couples that were strolling on the beach. He doesn’t take his eyes away from you even when Seungkwan and Dino return with your orders. The duo rolls their eyes before tapping the table lightly to catch both of your attentions. 

“The view is that way,” Seungkwan points at the beach, “not this way,” Dino adds, pointing in your direction. Wonwoo blushes before nudging Dino’s stomach with his elbows. You wink at your boyfriend before digging into your food. The older guys decided to stay back at the air bnb that you all rented since a handful of them were tired from staying up late the previous night.

The first few days of your trip to Jeju were spent in laughter and getting lost because of yours and Seungkwan’s sense of direction. Despite spending the majority of your lives in Jeju, you and Seungkwan still managed to confuse the directions to the destinations that you’ve visited so far. 

The rest of your lunch was spent in silence and the occasional chatters from the four of you. You could tell that the boys were still a little hungover but they only decided to tag along with you because they didn’t want you to spend the day alone, especially Wonwoo. 

“Can we just chill by the beach after lunch? I’m kind of tired myself,” you yawn, stretching your arms above your head. The boys nod in agreement and the duo stands up to throw your trash away. Wonwoo offers his hand out to you and you walk hand in hand towards the beach with the two boys trailing behind. Unbeknownst to the both of you, Seungkwan was taking multiple pictures of you to capture what he deemed was a “sweet moment”. 

The two boys lay on some beach towels that you prepared in your bag and Wonwoo offers to tag along with you to the water. You only dip your feet in and slosh them around just to cool yourself down. Wonwoo does the same but his powerful kicks soon manage to splash water towards your body. Soon enough, you were bending down to splash water in Wonwoo’s direction.

“Stop,” he giggles, covering his face with his hands.

Seungkwan pulls out his camera again and snaps pictures of you and Wonwoo. A sense of contentment settles on his chest as he continues to watch his best friend smile because of Wonwoo. He was glad that he got to introduce you to the boys, especially Wonwoo. The two of you stop playing around when the waves crash stronger against your bodies. 

“I don’t know how to swim, let’s go,” Wonwoo laughs, grabbing your hand as you run before the waves arrive. Dino and Seungkwan motions for the two of you to stop walking once you’re nearing the duo and the younger one urges Wonwoo to put his arm over your shoulder.

Dino puts his thumbs up in approval and Seungkwan begins snapping more pictures of the two of you.

“Should we give them our autographs while they’re at it?” Wonwoo whispers under his breath. You look up at Wonwoo, just before Seungkwan snaps another photo of you and him, and laugh at his words. 

“Perfect!” Dino yells. 

“You’re both so embarrassing,” you groan as you tug Wonwoo towards your friends when people around you start to look in your direction.

“You’re going to be thanking me and Dino in the future for these pictures,” Seungkwan states.

Little did Wonwoo know, he was indeed going to be thankful for the pictures that he could keep to remember you by. 

—

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Seungcheol yells, shoving Seungkwan against the walls of the hospital. Dino attempted to hold him back but with every punch he landed on Seungkwan’s face, it was getting harder to hold back his older brother. 

“I-I didn’t know,” he yells back, pushing him away with all the strength he had left. How was he supposed to know that you were greatly ill when you never told him about it either? He felt the betrayal coursing through his body and an ounce of anger settling on his chest. How could you keep things from him when he was your best friend since you were children? How was he supposed to function without you by his side?

“What happened?” Jeonghan rushes to hold Seungcheol back. The boys were lounging around the living room when they suddenly got a call from Seungkwan who was in tears. The boys couldn’t understand the words he was uttering until a nurse pulled his phone away from him to talk to Seungcheol instead. 

The drive to the hospital was spent in silent tears and worries but Wonwoo remained the quietest amongst his housemates. How could he feel anything but numbness when the nurse informed them about your passing? How was he supposed to feel when you were the only source of light in his life that kept him going?

The nurse pulls the older boys aside and informs them about your past condition. Dino sobs in Mingyu’s arms while the rest are holding on to each other for support. Wonwoo continues to remain silent despite the noise that was occurring around him. 

Seungkwan pulls Wonwoo into his arms when the realisation that you were never going to return to him finally dawns on him. 

You were gone.

—

Final.

“You need to let the blossoms in your heart wither away Wonwoo. It’s time for you to let me go now. I'll still be your guiding light every day even when you forget your memories with me in years to come, I’ll always guide you in every way that I can,” you whisper against his skin, fingertips dancing along his cheeks.

Your feather-like touch lingers on his skin even when he wakes up from his dream. The ache that planted its way in his heart seems to lighten the moment he awakes from his sleep and he remembers every detail of your face and the smile that seemed to hold no pain or worry.

You were gone and despite knowing that you were never going to return, he feels a little lighter today. 

[barrysmanbun]

Barry NSFW Alphabet

A/n: this was not planned and therefore is not edited

~

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Getting you a cool washcloth to wipe you down with, while whispering to you soothingly about how good you were. Small kisses on your forehead and cheek. Just laying there to catch your breath for a while afterward, probably smoking a joint as you do.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Barry’s favorite part about himself is his hands. From his time in the army to working as a mechanic to rolling joints every day his hands have had a lot of practice with skilled, steady movements. If you catch my drift.

His favorite body part on his partner is really anything he can grab onto. Your hips: pulling you in for a hug or squeezing them to get your attention when you’re talking to someone else. Your thighs: pulling you towards him while he sits in his chair so you can stand between his legs, making it all the easier to kiss you. Your ass: cupping it and lifting when you’re kissing just so he can hear that little half-moan he loves so much. Your breasts: massaging them while you leisurely make out on his bed, too high and too hot to move any faster.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves to come on you, painting your stomach or your thighs. Just seeing it on you gives him this sense of pride and satisfaction. His favorite place to come on you, though, is you face. When you let him it is nearly enough to get him riled again, fiercely pleased that he gets to mark you in such a way.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Barry has been thinking about fucking you since before you even talked to him for the first time. The first time he saw you he took one look at you and was imagining bending you over the nearest surface and fucking you into oblivion. The talking stages was arguably his best shows of restraint in his entire life, and by the time you guys finally got to the sex stage of your relationship he had enough fantasies he wanted to act out to fill an entire notebook.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Barry is fairly experienced in the sex part of your relationship, having multiple casual partners in the past, but when it comes to the romantic part of your relationship he has no idea what he’s doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He knows it’s very vanilla of him but he thinks missionary is the best. Best access to everything he wants, your breasts, your clit, your lips, and he gets to see your face. Besides, there are so many different positions just within missionary that you guys can do to keep things interesting. His second favorite position would have to be when you ride him, specifically when he gets to sit up when you ride him Once again because he gets access to everything and it’s so much easier to see your face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Barry is serious at the moment but only to keep the moment intimate. He can have a good laugh about things and will sometimes chuckle to himself when you do something cute or say something naive.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He doesn’t shave but he keeps it short. And the carpet definitely matches the drapes, dark with a little bit of a curl.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be very intimate, slow and sweet and romantic, but it depends heavily on his mood. If he hasn’t seen you in forever and he missed you more than he was horny he would definitely be very romantic about it.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he was a single bachelor living alone he would probably jerk off once or twice a week, but otherwise he would get a girl for that. And on the days he knows he won’t be seeing you for a while he will definitely do it just so he can send teasing pics for phone sex.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Begging: Barry loves to get you to the point that you’re begging for him to finally fuck you or finally let you cum, just knowing you need him that bad is better than any high he could get from drugs. And it’s just so pretty when you get so desperate that one tear rolls down your face.

Choking: No matter the sex position, chances are Barry has his hand on your throat, just tight enough for you to feel it.

Bondage: Handcuffs, a tie, a piece of loose fabric, your own panties, even his own hands, he loves having that much control over you. Able to do anything to you, and you can’t even resist. Plus, he loves the sight of you pulling at your restraints with the need to touch him as he brushes his fingers along your chest and abdomen to make you squirm.

Knife & gun kink: though Barry would never hurt you just knowing he has the power too, and that you trust him not to, arouses him to no end.

Exhibitionism: this is very loose because while Barry does not want to let other people see the two of you having sex, having sex in public places (on the side of a back road with you bent over his motorcycle) or with people in the next room (asking you to help him with something in his room and then having a quickie while his customers wait in the living room because he just couldn't wait anymore)

Marking: Barry loves seeing his mark on you, hickies across your neck and chest, bruises in the shapes of his fingertips on your hips and thighs, and wearing his clothing out in public or around the house.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

You guys have fucked on every surface in his house and yours, on probably every back road, on his bike, on the beach, everywhere you can think of you and Barry have most definitely fucked there. But his favorite is probably the bed because then you guys can relax without worrying about getting caught afterward.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He loves to feel you run your fingers through his hair in any situation: while he rests his head in your lap, while you kiss him, while you sit in his lap. It’s relaxing and he catches himself letting his eyes slide shut and his head lull back but when you add just a little tug it immediately gets his engine revving.

He loves seeing you in his clothes, when you walk around in just his shirt or his sweatpants, or leaving the house before he wakes up and returning home and he sees you wearing clothes that are obviously his and he knows you went out and other people saw you in his clothes.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Blood play or cuckolding. Barry doesn't want to share you (except with maybe one stuck-up kook who shall not be named) and he also doesn't want to hurt you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Barry loves receiving, loving the sight of you on your knees in front of him, but he also loves giving. His partner's pleasure is just as important to him as his own and he loves showing off his skills (how quickly he can make you come with just his tongue)

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Barry is usually fast and rough. This boy has lots of pent-up anger, on top of never being able to get enough of you. But sometimes he gets into these romantic moods (that you're forbidden to tell anyone about) where he just wants to take his time pleasuring you, drawing it out as long as he can.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He loves quickies. He prefers normal sex but he'll take a quickie if that's all he can get.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's down to experiment with almost anything. He has a lot of experience and knows what he's doing so I doubt you'll be introducing anything he hasn't heard of but he'll still love to try it out with you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can go for one or two rounds and then he needs to give his dick some time to recuperate. But that doesn't mean his mouth and hands are out of business.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't really mind toys one way or another. He's not so insecure that he refuses to have them but he also knows that he doesn't need them to get you off so having toys is totally up to you and what you want to try.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves to tease but he cannot take it when you tease him back. He'll tease you all day, whispering dirty words in your ear, telling you what he wants to do with you, slapping your ass as he walks by or secretly groping you while you kiss or hug. But the second you start teasing him he's on the edge of his seat.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's not particularly loud, with groaning and grunting and lots of swearing. He actually goes quiet when he cuts, tensing up and squeezing his eyes shut and then afterward he swears and rolls over to lay next to you on the bed.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

To elaborate on 'T' he cannot take teasing at all. If you try to tease him he'll catch your wrist and give you a warning look. The more you try the more aggravated he'll get till he pulls you away from whatever you're doing/whoever you're talking to so he can fuck you in the nearest empty room.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

A little above average length, about 6 ½ inches, and moderately thick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is pretty average. It gets higher when he doesn't see you in a while or if you're being particularly bratty but otherwise it's average.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He waits until you've fallen asleep, making sure you're cuddled up to his chest, then he allows himself to fall asleep as well.

~~

Tags:

@pogueslandia

[nishisun]

suna rintaro is NOT a genius.

summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.

part 2

a/n: this was literally supposed to be a series, i gave up on it because i just didn’t like the way it turned out. it used to be called “out of my league” and this was the intro. i also renamed it. just emptying drafts!! please don’t get confused with the random timeskip, once again, this was a part of a series i never ended up posting😭

WARNING!!: suggestive themes, mentions of death, idk kinda angsty but tell me if i missed anything

Soulmates. Whatever the hell that means. The idea of soulmates is something I truly don’t understand. It’s bullshit, honestly. It’s all-pervasive.

My mother always told me I'd eventually find "the one.” I used to believe that when I was younger of course. But in my opinion? It’s all cliches. It's unhelpful, and it's certainly not true. Destiny is an excuse for the weak. Why do you think most marriages end in divorce? It's 'cause people who believe they are “destined to be" assume everything will fall into place without any effort. I don't appreciate people pontificating bullshit like that just to make me feel better, especially if they haven't found their "soulmate" themselves. My sister once told me, “People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up and encounter more difficulty in their relationship, which will lead them to give up on one another eventually.”

I sure do believe that.

My mother is a prime example. Fumeiko Suna, my dear mother. Well, she clearly hasn’t found hers. I found out when I came home after a tedious day of school in 5th grade and found my dear mother on the floor crying, with bruises all over her face and a busted lip.

Initially, I thought a burglar had broken into our home once again, but if that were the case then there would’ve been missing furniture. But there wasn’t.

In fact, the place seemed cleaner than usual. When I ran up to her and asked her what had happened, there he was. The devil himself. My father. He reeked of alcohol, and I could detect his shadow towering over me. It’s funny how that I think of it. I used to fear that son of a bitch. Now, I’m way taller than him, and hate his guts. I turned around to see a faux-sympathetic smile plastered on his face.

He explained how my mother was being “clumsy” and had fell and busted her lip on one of the corners of the kitchen table and when I turned back around to face my mother, she smiled gently and nodded in agreement. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was then I realized my father had beat my mother to a pulp.

Long story short, when I found it was my father, sure, I was frightened. In fact, I remember going into my siblings’ rooms to inform them, they shrugged it off and told me that dad had been doing it for a while now.

Over time, when my dad had found out that I was aware, he didn't mind beating the absolute shit out of my mother in front of all three of us. This was when my burning hatred for that man started. Nobody in the house even attempted to stop him. I did a few times, though. He took all his anger out on me. At least my mom had a break for the day.

I almost pitied my mother. Almost. Maybe if she was strong enough to leave him, then yeah, I’d feel bad. But she still decides to stay with his sorry ass. It’s pathetic. It’s unrequited love or whatever you call it. How could she still love that asshole?

I mean, I’m not even going to lie, I’m an asshole too, but I’m definitely not my dad. I would never want to be him. He’s not someone I looked up to, he doesn’t do anything inspirational. He’s a businessman. He travels the majority of the time, and I’m pretty sure my mom invites men over when he’s gone. I don’t care enough to find out. But if I ever hear some guy rearranging my mom’s guts, I’ll kill him. I don’t even blame my mother. What she’s doing is wrong, she knows it and so do both of my older siblings. But they don't seem to care so why should I?

Who knows why she just won’t leave him. Maybe it’s cause they don’t want to ruin how people view our “picture perfect” family. I wonder what they’d say. “I thought the Suna’s were the ideal family? I guess not.”

My dad would probably lose it if he heard that.

Both my mother and my father are the cause of this broken family of mine. They never fed me or any of my siblings the love we always desired when we were younger. They never came to any of my volleyball games when I was younger. They never applauded me for the little recitals we’d have in class in primary school. They were never even here for most of my childhood. They always put money first and left us with the housekeepers. Hell, the housekeepers probably know me better than my own parents.They failed as parents. I despise them for it. They’re most likely the reason I am the way I am, but to be honest?

I don’t give a fuck.

In fact, I should thank them! Because of how they “raised” me, i’m extremely blunt, which is why people respect me. I use the hatred I have for my family and take it out on people and no, I’m not proud of that. I may be a heartless asshole, but I like that people fear me. The hell? Does that make me a sadist? Either way, people know to never fuck with me cause I’d fuck their shit up. I’ve overheard many people say it’s ‘cause of my privilege. It probably is. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy you many other things.

If my parents were broke, I’d probably be expelled from school by now. Abuse of alcohol and drugs are forbidden on school property. I don’t even take them at school, I somewhat care about my education and health, but sometimes I just need to blow some steam. Even if I did, nobody’s gonna say shit since my dad is the head of Japan’s board of education. How did his ass even get there?

Call me lonely or cynical. Maybe I am. But how is that a bad thing? Why do people need a significant other to rely on? What, a soulmate is just going to turn my life upside down then suddenly bring me happiness? Pfft, I’m gonna need actual proof that shit like that still happens. I’ve only seen shit like that in fairy tale movies. It’s whatever, though. I can live with being alone. I’ve basically been alone my whole life and it isn’t as bad as people make it.

You loved the idea of having a soulmate. The thought of meeting someone who just understood you, accepted you for who you were, and most importantly, loved you excited you. You couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

But recently, you weren’t sure soulmates existed.

When your older sister, Akira, came into your room and burst into tears, it frightened you. Your older sister, the one who’d always provide you advice on relationships and how to keep one was in your room sobbing hysterically because hers hadn’t worked out.

“I just can't believe it,” she sobbed.

You couldn’t believe it either. Your sister had recently gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 9 years. They started dating at the age of 15 and managed to make things work out even after high school, and out of all those years of dating, they never broke up. Not even once.

They’d go on romantic dates on Saturdays and they’d always write love letters to one another every day, just to remind one another of how grateful they were to have each other in their lives. On Halloween, they’d dress up as fictional characters from TV shows and books and take cute selfies and bake a bunch of sweets. They’d invite you to come bake with them, but you would politely deny. You knew they were only offering so you wouldn’t feel left out, which you appreciated.

Of course, they’d argue every now and then, but at the end of the day, they always managed to talk things out. Oh to have a relationship like theirs. They were everything you wanted to have in a relationship and more.

“I really thought he was the one for me, y’know?” No, you don’t know. But that doesn't matter. What mattered was cheering your sister up.

“Maybe he wasn’t ‘the one’ Akira, and that’s okay! People come and go all the time, soulmates come and go all the time as well-”

“You still believe soulmates are real, huh?” she let out a humorless laugh and sniffed her nose, “What If I missed my one shot at love, Y/N? What if I lost my soulmate?”

That’s some deep shit.

Now that you think about it, were soulmates real? Soulmates come and go, yes, you’re aware of that, but even though they leave, it’s always temporary. Soulmates always find a way back to their other half, the piece that completes them.

Your dad never made it back to your mother.

He died in a car crash 5 years ago. Your mother and father had been arguing because she claimed your father was cheating on her since he wouldn’t let her check his phone.

You were 13 at the time. Your sister Akira was accompanying you in your room, listening to them arguing back and forth with one another. There was furniture flying across the room, glass breaking, and both of them throwing curses at each other. You were scared. They never argued in front of you and your sister. They'd bicker sometimes, but it was never anything too deep.

Eventually, your father had enough of your mother’s false accusations, and out of anger, he packed his things and left home. For weeks. It wasn’t until one of your uncles called your mother and broke the news. She didn’t take it very well.

Late 2012-early 2013.

Not many people came to your father’s funeral, his family didn’t like the fact that he and your mother were together, they said your mother was trouble, but your dad still stayed with her, even if that meant it would completely destroy the bond he had with his family. Now that’s true love, you had thought. Only your mother, Akira, the Sunas, your uncle, and you, of course, attended the funeral.

It hurt a lot. It hurt when your mother informed both your grandparents on your mother and father’s side and all they could do is put the blame on her. It hurt how they had claimed you, Akira and your mother were a hindrance to your dear father’s well-being. How could they be so cruel at a time like this?

That was the first time you ever questioned if soulmates were real. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time? Who knows.

After your father’s passing, Fumiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, was there to help your family out financially. Your mother couldn’t even find the motivating to go to work. Your mother and Fumiko have been best friends since junior high, they’ve literally been inseparable ever since. In fact, after they both got married, they decided to live right next to each other.

Your mom didn’t cope with your father’s death very well; none of you did. But your mom had it the worst.

She would cope with alcohol and clubbing which would always result in her bringing different men home almost every night. You didn’t say much about it, you thought it would be selfish to since that’s what seemed to make your mother feel better about herself, but your sister hated it. She was already 19 and in college at the time, but when she visited and found out that your mother had basically been neglecting you, she was furious.

“Seriously, mom? This is what you’re gonna do while your 13-year-old daughter is in her room having a literal mental breakdown because of your childish behavior?” Your sister had barged into your mother’s room when she thought you were asleep, she was screaming loud.

“You’re interrupting something important, Akira. You know better than to-”

“Oh, shut the hell up mom. You’re the last person on earth to be saying shit like that.”

“Well, if you’re done, you can leave my room now. You’re being disrespectful, and this behavior is not tolerated!” Your mother was screaming now. The man in the bed covering his body under the covers and looking back and forth between Akira and your mother.

“Sakiya, maybe you should hear your daughter out-”

“Not now.” your mother scarcely interrupted the man, eye contact never leaving Akira. “Y/N has never complained about this when you were in college. She knows this is my way of coping, why can’t you understand that too!”

Akira scoffed. “So what, getting fucked by random strangers you find on the filthy streets is your way of coping? Getting wasted every damn night to the point where Y/N has to drag you up to bed is okay with you? Do you even know how much this is affecting Y/N? Did you even bother asking her how she felt? I hate breaking it to you mom, but you need serious help.”

“You selfish child!” Your mother screamed, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, getting up from the bed. “How dare you say that to your own mother?”

“I’m only telling the truth! If you’re the mother, then it’s your job to be taking care of Y/N, not neglecting her. When’s the last time you’ve engross in an actual conversation with her when you were fully sober?”

Your mother was silent. She quickly walked up to Akira and grabbed her by the hair and slammed her headfirst against the wall.

“You’ve got a big mouth! Maybe I should wash it with soap like I did back in the day, hm?” Akira was attempting to push her mother away, but she wouldn’t let go of her grip. The man that was still on your mother’s bed was in panic, yelling her name, which didn’t have any effect. He might as well stop.

"Look," Akira mumbled, struggling to get away from your mother's grip, "I know it's been hard ever since dad left-"

“Mom! Let go of her!” You cried from the door of her room.

All 3 adults froze and looked at your glassy eyes, mouths wide open.

“Hey, kiddo, I thought you were asleep?” Akira playfully said, your mother let go of Akira and crossed her arms then looked away from you.

“Well, I can't really go to sleep when there’s a bunch of adults yelling about my well-being,” you muttered incoherently. You quickly wiped the uncontrollable tears off your face and sighed.

“Honey,” your mom started, she walked slowly to you, carefully examined your face, and attempted to hug you, but you didn’t accept the offer which made your mother frown. She stopped walking until she was almost face to face with you and placed a hand on your shoulder gently. “Baby, your sister told me that you weren’t happy. Is this true?”

You looked away from her and stared dully at the floor, subtly shifting your feet, then you softly shook your head “no.”

“See Akira, Y/N is happy. So please stop stressing her out.” Your mother said through gritted teeth, then faced you once again. “Y/N honey, how about I go tuck you into bed, hm? I’m so sorry for the excessive noise that was caused.”

“Mom, how clueless can you be? Y/N looks miserable! It’s unhealthy for Y/N to be living-“

Slap.

Your mother just slapped Akira on the face.

“I know what’s best for my daughter! I am her mother! You are not the one who should be telling me how to take care of my own kid!”

“That’s enough, Sakiya.” a familiar voice said from the door.

“Fumeiko-“

“It’s fine. Sakiya, we need to talk.” It was Fumeiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, also known as your next door neighbor. She had been standing in the hallways the whole time, you didn’t even know she was there. Akira was the one who called her over.

That night your mother agreed to get help for her drinking problem. She was gone for 6 months. During those 6 months, the Suna’s took you in since Akira would be in college and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

You and Rintaro were the only kids in the house, being that you both were the same age and the others were in college. It was okay, they were all very polite, dinners were awkward, you could feel some sort of tension between the family but you didn’t pay any attention to it.

When your mom finally came back, it was awkward at first. She still seemed the same, loving and caring, just sober and free of alcohol. It was nice. You two spent the weekends bonding at the mall, watching a movie, or even getting your nails done. Eventually, she gained your trust back, and you couldn’t have been happier.

January 2017.

“Akira, don’t say that. You may not believe me now, but you are such an amazing person, don’t ever think you’ll never find love again. It’s all about having a positive mindset!” you said, thoughtfully stroking her hair as her head laid on your chest.

“I told you that.”

“You did,” you chuckled, “you should take your own advice.

“Oh, shut up!” you both laughed, and Akira let out a shaky sigh. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course, you don't need to thank me. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

— so this is one of the writings that i wrote in January 😭 it’s been in my drafts and i re-read it once and instantly hated it right after. if there’s any typos please tell me!!

— also i wanna apologize again for putting gmds on hiatus,, i feel so bad 😭 i wanna make it up to you guys but idk how so if you have suggestions pls tell me

[shades-of-stony]

Time Travel Stony Fanfic

Character from the Future travels to the Past 

A Shadow Hanging Over Our Fate by CaptainDean13

Summary: The Avengers get sent back in time to WWII where they run into the Howling Commandos... complete with Bucky and Steve. Little hard to explain that away, especially when you are trying to keep some major secrets. Secrets like how you ended up in the future and why the hell Bucky is now a scary (reformed) assassin with a metal arm, not to mention that you married your friend's son.

Note: A 1000/10 READ. THIS IS SO FREAKIN’ GOOD THAT I READ IT 3 TIMES SINCE I FIRST FOUND IT LAST YEAR. It’s a nice and well written time travel fic with the howling commandos and past Steve and Bucky!!

A New Way For Us by ann2who

Summary: They fight Thanos—and they’re losing. And before Tony knows what’s happening, he’s standing with Doctor Strange in front of the Eye of Agamotto and gets send back in time. Can he find a way to fix things this time around, or are they doomed to fall apart all over again?

Note: This is where Tony went back in time to fix everything that went wrong and prepare for the arrival of Thanos! Due to an unexpected twist of fate, he found himself getting closer to Steve of all people!  

Two More Miracles (To Be A Saint) by queenpenthesilea

Summary: “Get up, Stark, you sleep too much. You said you would teach me paper football.”

Tony’s eyes snapped open. No. No. Had it all been a dream? Had he just imagined five years – five years - of an idyllic life, complete with a beautiful, wonderful daughter? He pushed himself up, looking around; he was on the Milano – he was on the fucking Milano, and either this was a really weird version of hell or everything had been a dream. Or, a little voice whispered, something had gone horribly, horribly wrong with the infinity stones.

Note: A nice and juicy post-Endgame Time Travel fanfic!! Though, this one held a few what ifs. 

Saving the World is a 12 Step Program by janonny

Summary: Tony and Steve fall to pieces when Thanos’ wins.

Then they pick themselves up, and find a solution. They also find something infinitely more precious in the process.

-

“It’s going to sound pretty outrageous,” Tony admitted, rubbing a hand over his brow. While he had put on some weight and wasn’t as gaunt anymore, he was still easily tired nowadays.

“More outrageous than talking racoons and a purple villain traveling through space to collect magic stones?” Steve asked drily.

Note: This is another post-Endgame fanfic but with a twist and different take on the whole time travel!

Oh, Snap by wedelia

Summary: Peter wakes up, and he’s simultaneously five years too early and right on time.

Or, Post-Endgame Peter goes back in time and accidentally-on-purpose gets Steve and Tony together before the initial snap happens. And, oh, yeah—he also recruits a former-Air-Force-pilot-turned-galactic-hero, has lunch with Black Widow, and somehow befriends Nick Fury. This changes things.

Note: It’s Peter who time travels this time around!!

If We Never Got This Second Chance by Pookaseraph

Summary: When Tony and Steve’s son from the future, Jake Jensen, arrives at Avenger’s Tower, the two of them are forced to confront some hard truths: Tony that he might not actually become a horrible father, and Steve that he might not be able to set aside his discomfort with sharing a child with another man. When they both get a second chance at a first try at fatherhood, it’s up to the two of them to learn from their own future's past.

Note: Anyone up for some future son time travel? Enjoy this nicely written fanfic of Stony’s future son traveling and meeting the past versions of his parents! Past versions that are not even together yet! Things are about to get weird for Steve and Tony. 

Your Name on Every Wall by Sineala

Summary: The Time Gem throws Steve into the past rather than the future, and in doing so, it gives him the opportunity to undo his past mistakes. But when it turns out that all of his mistakes involve Tony Stark, Steve begins to wonder if he's ever going to be able to mend things between them.

Note: A unique plot where Steve travels to the future and realizes what he is missing on!

Together, At Dawn by RoseGoldAmpersand

Summary: Steve returns the Infinity Stones to New York and finds himself in conversation with Tony of the past. More mature and willing to listen to Tony he realises that what he previously thought were taunts was actually Tony flirting with him.

In light of this new discovery and alone in Tony’s workshop after the battle of New York, one thing leads to another...

Note: ohhhhh, some juicy smut anyone?

  Don't Look Back, You Can Never Look Back. by iL0Vsuperman

Summary: Tony Stark: billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and, now, superhero.

It’d only been a few months prior that he’d revealed to the world he was Iron Man and life couldn’t be better.

That is…until he stumbled upon an old abandoned Hydra lab and kinda set off one of their machines by accident. A blast of blue light later and he found himself in the same lab…only it is seventy years earlier and it is full of Hydra agents.

Cue the entrance of the Howling Commandos led by Tony’s childhood hero, Captain America.

Suddenly, Tony is living out a dream. He’s joining up with the Commandos in the search to get Tony back to his right era. It’s the adventure of a lifetime and, at first, it’s amazing…but then he and Steve connect in ways more than just friendship and he finds that he is torn between wanting to stay with him or go back home.

In the end, whatever the result, he loses.

Note: Tony meets his childhood heroes-the Howling Commandos and Captain America! 

The Future is Yet in Your Power by FestiveFerret

Summary: "Now." Wong leaned back in his chair. "What would you do to save this world from Thanos' attack? What would you sacrifice?"

"Anything," Steve said. "Anything at all."

Wong considered him for a moment, expression unreadable. "There's one thing, maybe."

Note: This is nice fanfic about Steve putting everything on the line to hopefully make a change. 

The Good or Bad Thing by petreparkour for SeetheSea

summary: “It’s the metal suit,” Thor informed Steve, his normally-booming voice tinny over the SHIELD comms. “What did Stark call it—Iron Man?”

“But he’s down here,” Steve protested as the Hulk roared in Stark’s face, startling him into waking with a shout. “How could—”“It’s damaged,” Thor reported. “But it looks different. More advanced. And he—ah. He’s carrying you, Captain.”

“Please tell me nobody kissed me,” Stark breathed out, and then Stark’s voice suddenly came over the comms, but the man lying next to him hadn’t moved.“

Guys, come on, you’re killing me here. What is it, 2012? God, I hate time travel. First, I'm fighting Thanos. Now, I have to deal with my past self and Thor's bad haircut? Oh my God, Cap, yes I hacked their comms, they’re my comms.”

Steve nearly opened his mouth to protest that he hadn’t said anything when he realized that this replica of Tony Stark wasn’t speaking to him.

Note: Future Tony and Steve accidentally traveling in the past!

  Character from the Past travels to the Future

hold the things you wanna say by SailorChibi

Summary: Tony is still a consultant, and between SI, the team and SHIELD he's overworked and exhausted. That's okay.

He and Steve have been having sex for weeks but that's all it is, just sex, and Tony wants more but he'll never get it and that's okay. Really.

What's not okay is the fact that Howard Stark has somehow appeared in the future and is the same as always.

This is definitely going to fuck up his schedule.

Note: ANGST! READY YOUR TISSUES.

Twice Upon a Time by TsaritsaElena

Summary: Tony Stark has never had an easy relationship with his father, but when Howard Stark circa 1983 time travels to the future in a freak accident, things get even more complicated, especially since Tony is dating his dad’s idol, Captain America, and Howard doesn’t know. As they work toward a solution that will restore Howard to his own timeline, will Tony get a second chance at a father-son relationship with his dad, or is he in for more of the same unforgiving treatment from Howard? Time travel, Avengers missions, and a secret project of Howard’s: things at Stark Tower are about to get a little crazy.

Note: SOME MORE ANGST AND HOWARD TRAVELLING TO THE FUTURE. 

The Future Is Ours (Whether We Want It Or Not) by ann2who

Summary: After a hit from the Time Stone, Steve switches places with his future self.

Note: Another of Steve traveling to the future! Though this time, it features both timeline! Both POV of the past and future! 

Ordinary Men by RiaRose

Summary: "Aren't you at all happy to see me?" Howard shot back, holding his glass out and pointing with his index finger. At Steve's stony face, he dropped his arm. "Want a glass?" he tried, picking up an empty tumbler, "This is good stuff."

"Tony doesn't skimp on - well - anything. And no, thank you."

"Was that Tony?" he queried, gesturing toward the hallway the other man had disappeared down. Steve nodded but didn't give any more information, so Howard repeated his earlier question, "Aren't you happy to see me?"

It took Steve a moment to answer. Howard could see his jaw working. 

"No, not anymore."

OR

In which Howard travels to the future and just messes up everybody's day, Steve is conflicted, and Tony is a piping hot mess, as per usual. It's not going to be easy, but Steve and Tony have to somehow navigate through Howard's arrival and the strain it puts on their relationship.

Note: From the summary alone, you can tell that THIS WILL BE ANGSTY. 

To Have My Time Again... by WilmaKins

Summary: It's been two years since Siberia, and Tony Stark is still dealing with the fallout - personal and political. Life is quite complicated enough, without Bruce falling through a wizards roof yelling that Thanos is coming.

Thor and Loki are stalling, but time is running out. The fate of the universe is at stake. Steve Rogers is back in the picture. Really, the last thing Tony needs is for their plan to go horribly wrong and bring Howard Stark forward in time.

But his Dad *is* standing in his office, whether he likes it or not.

So, it looks like Tony will have to fix that mess too.

Note: There is just something about Howard-travels-to-the-future fanfics. 

Howard Stark Meets The Avengers by SerlinaBlack

Summary: Howard Stark unknowingly travels to the future with his son and wife. Luckily the heroes of the future were somewhat ready for it. Unluckily , they don't seem to like him very much

Alternative summery: when will Howard learn? Not now lmao.

Note: ANOTHER ONE.

[linkspooky]

Akutagawa’s Death

The reveal that Akutagawa has known for a long time that even after escaping from the slums, he still hasn’t escaped the death that perpetually hung over him his entire life due to being born in the slums. Akutagawa’s entire character is written around death. An Akutagawa character analysis under the cut. 

1. Giving Meaning to Death

Akutagawa’s origin is incredibly important to his character. The fact that he was orphaned and grew up alone in the slums has defined his whole life. His attitude towards both life and death comes from a place of knowing, practically his entire life, that he was most likely going to die a dog’s death in the slums, and nobody would even miss him or care when he was gone. 

His upbringing in the slums has clung to him his whole life, even in the form of the lung disease he acquired from breathing the terrible quality air. It’s not that Akutagawa was born believing that life is worthless, this is something he was taught. 

Not only has Akutagawa accepted the fact he was going to die young, he came to accept this fact when he was just a child. In his origin story he witnesses all of his friends he was surivving with die so easily, like their lives meant nothing at all. In response to this, Akutagawa tries to at least throw his life away and make his life mean something because he doesn’t want to be forgotten like that, to live miserable his entire life and die a miserable death. 

Akutagawa gets so attached to Dazai, because Dazai is the first person in his life, and not only a person but an authority figure, to even acknowledge Akutagawa. If he was going to die for no reason, then Dazai’s acknowledgement is something it’s a reason. 

What Akutagawa craves is a reason to keep on going, because so far for him life has been nothing but empty suffering. 

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

But, deep down what he wants is someone to tell him there’s more to life then just the bleak and empty existence in the slums. Not only that but, even someone like him born as a stray dog in the slums can live. He wants someone to tell him he can live, that there is something to live for, however, even if someone were to tell him that he probably wouldn’t be able to accept it. 

After all, even if he decides to live his lung disease is going to kill him in a few years. Even if he decides to live, he lives in the kill or be killed world of the mafia where his boss stops caring about his well being if he’s not useful.

Akutagawa wants to be told his life is worth something, but deep down he’s internalized the idea that it’s worth nothing. He wants to live but he’s come to accept death. 

All of Akutagawa’s harsher actions are in response to a harsh world. A world that has marked him for death. Even when he tries to reach out and help others, he doesn’t know how to show them how to live because he doesn’t know himself. The only way he knew how to make Kyouka survive was to turn her into a killer. 

This is one of the many things that Atsushi misunderstands about Akutagawa. Atsushi often sees Akutagawa as a bully, killing people to prove how strong he is, because he believes he’s bettern than others. (We get it Atsushi baby, you have an inferiority complex.) When Autagawa is someone barely able to survive in this world. It’s not that Akutagawa believes that Kyouka’s life was worthless, it’s that he believes his own life was worthless. 

And Akutagawa misunderstands something so simple, because it wasn’t told to him that he could live on his own. Because, the mafia, and even Dazai can keep him on a short leash if he’s continually fighting to live like a dog barking on the end of his chain. 

When Akutagawa does not see himself as powerful and respected, and he definitely does not see himself as secure in any way. He sees himself as frail, weak, always on the brink of death and desperately to prove his position and keep onto his standing in the world. It’s been made clear to him countless times because he was born a poor boy in the slums he’s not going to be given anything, he has to earn it. 

This is a recurring question asked about Akutagawa’s character. Is he struggling to survive, or is he preying on those weaker than him to secure his position in the world? I would say at least Akutagawa perceives it as the former. Deep down he views himself as weak and unworthy, so much so that no power he could possibly gain would ever be good enough. He views life as a compettition where he can die at any moment, and already having accepted his death, he goes all out against his opponents and expects his opponents to do the same to survive. However, Akutagawa is part of a predatory organization known as the port mafia, and the ideas that he’s inherited from that organization are all about the weak preying on the strong. 

When fighting against scarlet letter his own body breaks on him, before he’s even able to continue the fight, and once again he demands his opponent fight him with everything he has. He keeps insisting they fight even struggling to breath, coughing up blood, with his body falling apart on him. 

Akutagawa is a merciless killer, and yet he desires to live just like everybody else. He projects his own struggle onto everybody else as well, and believes they are all just like him, weak people struggling to survive even if that means eating others.That’s the paradox that’s always been at the center of his character, and there’s foiling with Dazai there. 

They have both lived their entire lives, shadowed by death, to the point where they’ve come to define themselves entirely around that idea. 

"Man fears death and yet, at the same time, man is drawn to death. Death is endlessly consumed by men in cities and in literature. It is a singular event in one's life that none may reverse. That is what I desire."

Akutagawa through his sickness and his life in the slums which has made it clear how worthless and cheap his own life is, and Dazai through his suicidal ideation and inability to relate to the others around him. 

“Even if one were to bathe in the enternal wind, and simply become foam in the great sea without ever knowing who they were - without even getting a farewell...” Akutagawa muttered facing the heavens as if he were reciting a poem, “... the heart shall not move, for it is nothing compared with the loneliness of passing... without you ever knowing.” 

Bungou Stray Dogs, 55 Minutes. 

However while Dazai’s tendency is to be alone, Akutagwa’s fear is one of dying alone, dying unacknowledged, dying unconnected to anybody in this world. Because it’s the death that’s been waiting for him his entire life. He was going to die a stranger that nobody cared about in the slums, and he’s been desperately fighting against that. He wants someone to know him. 

In other words Akutagawa can’t possibly live alone. In the most recent fight, Akutagawa confronts his own mortality again. This is another piece of yin and yang foiling between Akutagawa and Atsushi. Atsushi is young, full of life, and whenever he’s injured his injuries miraculously heal. 

Akutagawa is sickly, dying already of a lung disease, and no injury ever quite heals on his body, he just gets worse and worse. Atsushi only believes it’s okay for him to live if he saves people. Akutagawa is a dying man, struggling, to make his death mean something. 

Akutagawa already believes, already knows he’s going to die. How he’s going to live from this point on isn’t even a question to him. He never had a future in the first place. 

However at the same time, no one has told Akutagawa that he can live.  That he doesn’t have to earn it. That he’s worthy of living just by being born. 

At the beginning of this fight when Atsushi confronted what he was most afraid of, which was solitude, Akutagawa appeared to save him. Which is why now when Akutagawa is in jeapordy, facing his worst fear. 

Dying alone and unacknowledged.  It will be Atsushi’s turn to remind Akutagawa that they are not alone. That the two of them are both struggling to live together. Those words they both want to hear that even people like them can live in this world, that it’s okay for them to live,  is something they can tell each other. 

[amara-scott]

Enjoy your dinner.

Movie: The Gentlemen Characters: Raymond Smith x Reader Categories: Teasing

you’re reading part one | part two

Takes place a few weeks before the movie timeline.

...

3rd Person P.O.V.:

Her father knew very well that she did not enjoy these kinds of events. Richlings bragging about their richness to other fat cats. Not to mention the young ones. The ones her age, who did not have to flip a coin to get any of the wealth their parents owned. Dirty or good money, does not matter. It is more dirty than anything else though. And she knew that also. Another reason for her to usually not stay longer than needed.

It has been a while since her father has last asked her to join him and her mother to a dinner party. It was way more just a synonym for let’s see who will embarrass themselves first by drinking too much of the way too expensive bottle of rum. Long translation - but a hundred percent correct. 

And even though she loathed going, she always used the opportunity to make the largest impact possible without trying to say a word. She loved the longing stares and the surprised ones every time she did indeed attend alongside her parents. Today it was just her father though. Her mother was out in Paris, probably spending all the pocket money her loving husband gave her. At least their love for each other seemed honest.

(Y/N) P.O.V.:

When I walk down the stairs to stop in front of a mirror in my hallway, I hear another honk of the limousine waiting outside. I sigh, grabbing a light coat and throwing that over my arm, holding a small clutch in my hand. After locking the door behind me, I greet Mitch with a smile.

“ ’Ello Miss (Y/L/N), hope you are doing well today.” I hold back a roll of my eyes, long forgotten how many times I made him call me by my first name. If I had to guess, probably around 64 times. He doesn’t work for me, he works for my father and my father alone. 

“Very well indeed, how about you, Mitch?” He smiles, about to answer, when a voice from inside the car calls out.

“-You can chat on the way there, we’re late as it is.” Now I do roll my eyes at my fathers words and send Mitch another small smile. He nods, closing the door when I’m in, going back to the drivers seat.

“Wow, darlin’, you look lovely tonight.” I greet him with a kiss to each cheek and buckle up.

“Thank you, is that a new suit? I’ve never seen you wear burgundy red.” He nods, smoothing out the fabric. 

“It is, it is. You’re a smart one. I despised the colour but your mother thinks it looks expensive and high-class. And you know her- there’s no telling her no.” I chuckle along and we get a few small-talk questions out the way before we finally arrive at the mansion. Some old business partner of my father’s. I can’t keep names in mind so I usually go the shy and long time no see route. It usually works.

My father helps me step outside and Mitch rides off, picking us up later again. Before walking after my father I take a deep breath and exhale, placing a smile onto my face. Fake- but no one seemed to notice the last few times. So no worries there. Walking up the stairs, an arm wraps around mine and I glance up to my right, frowning at the sudden physical contact. James. Yes, the one person I loathed the least. Or you could say - who I actually liked a bit. I grin and bump my shoulder with his as he guides me up to the entrance.

“Hello there gorgeous lady, haven’t seen you around a lot lately.” 

“Well, can you blame me? These types of gatherings do not amuse me much. They rather support my boredom and make me want to drown in expensive alcohol. I don’t want to turn into an alcoholic.” He smirks at my statement but shakes his head. 

“You’re a special one, you know that?” I nod, sighing dramatically. I look up front, where my father is already involved with other suit-wearing snobs.

“I know- I am.” I try sounding posh, but fail miserably, making us both laugh. I still have my arm wrapped around his’ as we get offered a drink and then he is off. Talking business, making connections. A life I would not want to live. That is why James and me could never be more than friends. Even though he might wants change my mind on that one day - I would never accept his advances.

“Well, well, well. If it is not little Miss (Y/L/N) Junior. How are things going?” I turn, taking another sip of champagne as I recognise the slimy man in front of me. His eyes wandering up and down my presence. 

“Oscar- what a nice surprise-” My fake smile widens and I let him kiss my knuckles briefly - even though some of the potatoes I had for lunch earlier wanted to revisit. He must be double my age - I never thought of that. 50 at least.

“Would not be that much of a surprise to you if you would join our parties more often.” So it is his housing we are inside of right now. Good to know...

“Oh, Oscar. You know I am a busy woman. Cannot have fun all the time.” My smile starts to hurt my cheeks but I keep it up. Having held it for longer. My record is 24 minutes and 37 seconds. Yes, I know. Very impressive.

“But you never fail to make a grand entrance, what a gown on you - just lovely. Perfectly fitting for you, an extraordinary woman.” His sickly, slimy words feel like nails scratching on a chalk board but I hold back a flinch, nodding once. Not quite sure how to reply. I glance down at my drink, assumingly and very unconsciously having drank it all.

“Oh, would you look at that- I think I need a refill, it was lovely chatting-” “-Let me get you a new one.”

“No need, Oscar. I will just go myself.” 

“Oh please, I insist-”

“-Here, take mine. I don’t drink Champagne.” I turn to my right, looking at the source of the new voice. A man I have not seen before stands there - a neat three piece in dark blue, adoring his well shaped physique. His dirty blonde hair combed back to perfection. He rearranges his glasses with his free hand before it disappears in the pocket of his trousers. The other one still holding out the glass to me. I realise I held a breath and nod at him, this time smiling genuinely. 

“Thank you-” I drift off, not taking my eyes off his. A little staring contest going on. I accept the drink and take a sip. Not having blinked once. Just like him.

“-Raymond. Raymond Smith.”

“Nice to meet you, Raymond Smith. I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” 

“I know that.” I quirk an eyebrow at his answer, him staying silent though, a small smile grazing his lips. 

“Well, why don’t I give you a little tour? We have a whole new balcony on the east wing-”

“-no, thank you Oscar. I just found a way more interesting activity.” I cut him off, not taking my eyes off of Raymond Smith. I see his lips twitch but he is holding back a smirk. Which makes my smile grow. I only hear a huff and grumbling. 

I then break the eye contact, feeling rather lost now and walk past him, closely past him. My shoulder barely touching his jacket. I can feel his eyes on my back, making me sway my hips a tad more than usual. The things the right man can make you do.

I decide to sit down at an empty table and pick out some of the delicate canapés placed in the center. It looks like a mushroom tartlet and once inside my mouth I nod to myself. One thing that makes me come back to these parties is definitely the appetisers and the drinks. Lot’s of effort goes into them but no one seems to enjoy any. Either because they are busy laughing at jokes that are not funny or because they think others would judge them for eating. I learned to not care, ever, about what someone thought of me because I eat more than them. Their loss.

“Enjoying the food, I see.” I chew quickly and swallow thickly, holding a napkin to my lips as Raymond sits next to me at the round table, taking a tartlet himself. I hum.

“I do, cannot be mad about the food. I am a true gourmet, what can I say. But- you probably already knew that, did you not?” I grin at him, watching his chew and making eye contact with me once more. He chuckles, shaking his head.

“No, did not. I will note it down though.” His teasing tone sparks my interest and I wonder how far I could go. Or what he works as. Why I have never seen him before. 

“Tell me, Raymond Smith, who are you?” I turn toward him, leaning my arm on the table and tilting my head slightly, full attention on him. He wipes his hands at a napkin, eyes cast down as he seems deep in thought. Choosing his words carefully. One of the only men here who do.

“I don’t really exist. I just - like a good dinner party every now and then.” I bite my lip at his cheeky reply, trying to hold back all the things running through my mind. 

“Can I guess?” I lift my head and he nods, gesturing for me to go ahead. He leans back slightly, probably expecting the most cliché answers anyway. So I think again, observing his posture and the drifting of his eyes every now and then. Back over to the big table. A couple people sitting there. He must be here either with his wife or colleague. I shake my head at the wife, he wouldn’t be sitting here with me if he had one. 

“Well, seeing as you’re not here by yourself, you must be the right hand to someone or - maybe you are the kid of a big fish.” He smirks, nodding. One must be correct. I go with my first instinct. “-a right hand man it is.” I look back over to where he seemed to focus earlier. I do know a few of them. One being a partner to my father’s business. Another one the son of said partner. And then - no way. Micheal Pearson himself. The Micheal Pearson. Sticky bush Pearson. But Raymond would not be involved-

“-I see you figured it out.” My eyes snap back to Raymond and I close my mouth, licking my dry lips in the process. I tense up, not knowing if running would be an appropriate reaction. But then again - I never cared about appropriate behaviour that much.

“And I also see you’re taken aback.” It sounded more like a question really. But I only nod, sending him a small smile.

“It is not every day that I cross paths with true gangsters.” 

“I will take that as a compliment. And just for your information-” He leans in closer, elbows on his thighs. “-there are a few more gangsters here than you would like to care.” 

I gulp at his intense eyes, he leans back up and stands to his feet, smoothing out his suit and buttoning his jacket. 

“Well, if you would excuse me, my duties as a right hand man are needed. Have a good rest of your evening, Miss (Y/L/N). Enjoy your dinner.” 

“You too, Mister Smith.” He nods, walking off. I look after him, Mister and Misses Pearson walking off with him and exiting the building. I let out a breath I was holding and sink back into the chair. Not without being haunted by those icy blue orbs.

...

_________________________________

More The Gentlemen Imagines

Full Masterlist

part two

[justcallmenikki7]

Love at first Sight

BTS!Twilight!Au & Supernatural!Au

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Trying to be a good college student, you decide to study with your best friend in the universities library. But all it takes is one look at the bunny like boy to find your soulmate. 

Warnings: FLUUUF, Jungkook trying to be patient with you but all he wants is for you to accept him and the imprint bond, angst, minor character death, Werewolf!Jungkook, BTS in general, reader nervous and trying to decide what’s right

W.C.: 4k

Notes: So, I have had this in my drafts for so long, and I was wanting to stick with the headcanons, but I was wanting to get this out so badly so I am doing just that. I will have Jungkook’s HC posted soon!!

Ever since you met Lisa Manoban at the age of sixteen, you entered the world of the supernatural. At first, you had no clue about the supernatural, even though you were friends with a vampire for a year, Lisa had kept her identity hidden from you. You were oblivious, never catching onto how she would stay up all night, not once being tired, how she was constantly cold, and how she had talked about history as if she lived in it. In your defense, you believed that she was a huge history geek.

But that was all washed away when you walked in on her sucking blood from a human. Looking back on it, the both of you laugh about the situation. But in that moment, you believed that you were somehow drugged on your way to her house. In honesty, you were very calm about the whole situation, minus the dead body on the ground fifteen feet away from you.

Two years later, you believe that you are a genius when it comes to the supernatural. Having a best friend who is a three-hundred-year-old vampire who has told you everything about the supernatural world is cool. Learning about demons, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, and even Gods is handy.

“Why can’t the dogs stay outside where they belong?” Your best friend, Lisa, groaned.

“Why are you even breathing? You don’t need to breathe,” you commented, not looking up from your textbook.

“Because I enjoy the smell of old books, but the dogs are tainting it with their wet dog smell,” she countered back, knowing that the werewolves themselves can hear her. A growl ripping through the air was a tell-tale sign that they did, only to be answered by a smirk from Lisa.

Lisa, in short, can be considered as a sadistic person because she loved messing with people, especially the wolves. You knew that she could defend herself, being alive for 300 years has given here plenty of experience to take care of herself.

“Can you stop tormenting the wolves and help me study?” You asked, looking up at her.

Pouting, “I guess.”

Movement from the other side of the room caught your attention. Looking over, your eyes were met with a pair of doe like eyes. That was when you felt like everything was put together – as if you found the one thing that you have been searching for your entire life.

“Oh, hell no,” you heard Lisa protest, standing up, collecting both of yours books, shaking you out of your trance.

The sound of a primal, possessive growl cut through the air, making a shiver of familiarity and want go down your spine. But then you also wanted to calm down them and make sure that they are okay.

“What’s going on? Why are we leaving?”

Before your questions could be answered, you felt a warm presence behind you. All you wanted to do was fall back into them, to be able to soak up their warmth and hide away in what you would consider to be home.

“Back away from my mate, blood sucker.” The person behind you demanded, leaving no room for questions.

“Blood sucker? Oh, that’s fucking rich.” Lisa gave out a sarcastic laugh, stepping around the table to get closer to the wolf that you have yet to put a name too.

Turning around, you were met with the one and only, Jeon Jungkook. You were at first confused on why he was so close to you, and even associating with you guys. But once his eyes met yours, you put the pieces together.

You are Jeon Jungkook’s imprint.

Lisa has told you stories about how only a select group of supernatural creatures have an imprint. She told you about how since the beginning of time, werewolves had a mate for life, or imprint, given to them. If that werewolf was rejected, then they were to become physically, mentally, and emotionally empty because they have lost their other half. In some rare cases, they die from depression. Nothing, no one, could heal them and bring them back to normal. They literally cannot move on.

“That is why I am very happy that vampires do not have an imprint because I’d rather die than be rejected by the one person I am made for,” Lisa admitted.

That is why he called you his mate, you added.

That is why you were in that trance.

Oh shit. Mentally you are face palming yourself for being slow.

Standing up from your chair, you stepped in between the two angry supernatural beings.

“Hold on,” you began.

“There’s no holding on. He just called me a fucking blood sucker.” Lisa practically screamed, hating that title.

“Lisa,” you said calmly, knowing how to handle her. “Go wait for me outside and we can go back to my place and study, okay?”

“You’re not going with her.” Jungkook jumped in, stepping closer to you.

Turning towards him, eyes narrowed. “And you do not have the ability, or say, or right, to tell me what I can and cannot do.” Your voice was stern, showing where you draw the line. Even though the look of hurt and defeat on his face made your heart clench sadly, you were not going to allow yourself to be in a position where you were bossed around.

“But she’s dangerous,” Jungkook tried to reason, desperateness evident his voice, both his inner wolf and him dreading the thought of you leaving with the vampire girl.

A scoff from Lisa confirmed that she did not go outside like you asked her too. “And you’re not?”

“She’s my imprint,” Jungkook growled, eyes turning to an almost charcoal black, hands shaking from anger.

Not knowing what to do, you stepped closer to Jungkook. Your actions seemed to have calmed him down slightly, and you could see movement behind him, alerting you that he has his pack behind him. “I know that I am your imprint, but that does not mean that you can tell me what I can and cannot do. I am going to leave with Lisa and that is final.”

Your words seemed to have broken him, and you could understand why because of how rejecting it sounded.

“You’re rejecting me?” He choked out, voice cracking and he looked so torn. The sight breaking your heart, something inside of you feels like it has died.

“No, but I need time to process this.” Your confirmation relaxed him and you, along with his pack who let out a breath that they have been holding this whole time.

Nodding his head reluctantly, he stepped away from you, something similar to a whine of sadness coming from his throat. Never has Jeon Jungkook felt so small in his life.

Giving him a sad smile, “Just give me time, please.” 

“Okay, I can do that.”

*****************************************************************************

You have to admit, Jungkook does not give up.

He has allowed you time to think about it, but you did not realize how many classes you had with him. Jungkook and his friends were rumored to be a gang called BTS, Kim Namjoon being the supposed leader. And they were not the only ‘gang’ to be at the university. There was ‘GOT7,’ ‘Seventeen’ and even ‘NCT,’ which so happened to be friends with BTS. You knew of them, having seen them around campus, but never have talked to them, besides Jung Hoseok, Jungkook’s pack member. The two of you were lab partners in Astronomy last semester.

But ever since you found out that Jungkook was your mate, he began to show up to class now. Of course, he did show up every now and then, probably three times a week. Now, he is showing up everyday and is now sitting behind you. His presence both overwhelms you and brings you a sense of security. You can feel his stare on you in class and around campus. You know that he is close by when you get a tingly feeling in your chest, a tell tale sign that tells you that your imprint is near. The both of you have yet to talk because each time he approaches you, you freak out and run away, dragging Lisa with you. You know that your actions hurt him when you do this. The tightness and longing in your chest is a sign that Jungkook is hurting. 

Every night you talk to Lisa about your situation. You have not put it off at all, something that you know that Jungkook is assuming that you are doing when Hoseok stopped you in the hallway. The thing is, you are terrified. You are terrified because you are nineteen with zero experience in the dating field. Being single your whole life is backfiring on you right now. You do not know what to expect or even know what to do. Plus, what if Jungkook is only feeling this way because you are his mate and he only wants to live? Is he just using you because you are his imprint, or does he seriously want to be with you and be committed?

Those questions earned you a slap from Lisa. “Dumbass, did you not listen to me when I explained to you how imprinting works? When a person imprints on someone, all that they see and want is them. Everyone else becomes irrelevant. Their loyalty stands with you, and their pack. Nothing and no one can break the bond that they have with you. It is said that the Moon Goddess herself made the bond not even break in death. Loyalty is the most important thing in the wolf world. I can bet my life that Jungkook is thinking about you right now. Well, I know he is because Kim Namjoon came up to me and asked me to talk to you, which is funny because he thinks that I haven’t, and gets you to talk to Jungkook. Supposedly Jungkook is acting like a scolded puppy and is pouting because you keep avoiding him.”

That is why you were not surprised when Jungkook cornered you one day (the day Lisa had to miss class) in the hallway. The distressed look on Jungkook’s face told you that he in fact is panicking. “I’m sorry, I know that I promised you that I would give you space, but I cannot stop thinking about you and needing to be in your presence. Both my wolf and I are freaking out. All we need is an answer, or at least a hint so we can calm down. I am so sorry for pressuring you.” He rushed out, leaning back to give you space. Running a hand through his hair, you could see how nervous he is.

“I’m sorry for being slow on getting back to you, I didn’t realize how badly this has been affecting you. I should’ve thought about that instead of being ignorant.”

Shaking his head violently, “No, no! Don’t apologize, I totally understand why you are taking a while. I just, my instincts were taking over because my wolf and I were needing to have some sort of contact with you to help calm down.”

“What fur color is your wolf?” You asked randomly, surprising Jungkook.

Smiling, “Black. Midnight black to be more specific,” he answered.

“That’s cool! Are you the only one with the fur color in your pack, or?”

“Yoongi-hyung has the same fur color, but his has a much darker tent than mine. Even though I have incredible sight, sometimes I can’t see him because of how well he blends in with his surroundings at night.”

“That’s really cool!” You boasted, becoming very intrigued with what you are learning about.

Jungkook flashed you a smile, making you smile back at him by how contagious it was. Clearing his throat, “So, uh, does this mean that like…”

“Yes,” you began, trying to calm your racing heart from the hopeful look on Jungkook’s face, “But, I don’t want to jump right into a relationship. I’ve never had a relationship before, and I don’t want to jump into one right yet.”

Trying to keep the sad look from showing, Jungkook still smiled brightly. “Of course! I don’t want you to be in a position where you feel uncomfortable.”

“Thanks for being understanding!”

And understanding he is.

After your guys talk, the both of you swapped phone numbers and even each other’s social media. Jungkook was determined to start a streak with you on snapchat and become your number one best friend on it, something you found funny. From then on out Jungkook became a constant in your life, a constant that Lisa does not like – mainly because she is not a fan of wolves. She, though, is happy to see how happy you have become, especially after your mother’s death. She could not deny how lovesick Jungkook is for you and how attentive he is with you. Her and the rest of BTS laugh with each other on how alert Jungkook becomes when you are doing something.

“Hey, I’m going to go and get some more ketchup.” You got up from the table and headed straight towards the counter that held the ketchup.

Lisa watched Jungkook stare at you as you walked off, never once taking his eyes off you. It was like a foreshadowing moment that Jungkook had – jumping up from his chair, he made his way towards you, tugging your arm towards him before you turned around and slipped in the puddle that was right below your feet. Lisa must admit that she did not even notice the puddle that was below your feet. Being a vampire, her eyesight and hearing are very advanced. So, seeing that Jungkook noticed it and prevented a scene of you falling, she could not deny the fondness that she is beginning to have towards the wolf.

But she believes that Jungkook has a sixth sense when it comes to you. And Jungkook does. The moment he woke up he could feel that there was something wrong with you. He does not know what, but the heavy feeling that him and his wolf felt was a sign that you were not okay.

And you are not.

Today marks the two-year death anniversary of your mom. Of course, everyday since that day has been hell, but knowing that two years ago, just a few hours before her death was the last time you got to hear her voice, feel her touch, and be with her. You hate yourself for not staying any longer with her, for not taking her with you when you had that ability.

You heard your phone buzzing like crazy, but you did not even bother with picking it up. All you did was stare at the wall in a void like state. You ignored Lisa’s knocking on your door, her calls, and worried voice. She knew what day this was, and she knew that it was going to be a difficult and long day. She was worried that you were going to relapse, worried that you will drift off into that dark place that took her months to get you out of.

That is why at 9:53 a.m. she was not that surprised to open the door to find a panicking Jeon Jungkook.

“Where is Y/N? Why is she not answering my calls?” He asked quickly, only to pause once he could sense that you were close. “What’s wrong with Y/N?”

The vampire sighed, “Jungkook, I hate that I have to say this, but Y/N may not want to see you right now. Today is a very bad day for her.”

“Please let me in.” Jungkook begged, distressed that he cannot comfort you. With that, the statement that Lisa said made Jungkook and his wolf even more distressed, if that was even possible. “I just need to be with her, help her. I won’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t.”

Running her hand down her face, Lisa sighed and allowed the wolf in after a few minutes of thinking. “Second door on the right, the door is unlocked.”

As if he was a dog chasing after a ball, Jungkook charged towards your door. Being cautious, he opened the door quietly, being met with the smell of regret, longing, and sadness. His wolf whimpered at the sight of their mate in such a depressed state. Walking in quietly, Jungkook took off his shoes and did the one thing that he knows that will work.

 Lifting the covers, he caught your attention, “Jung—”

“-Hey,” he smiled at you, not believing that he was in front of a goddess. No matter what state you are in, you will always look beautiful in his eyes.

“Why are you here and not asleep? You usually wake up at 2 in the afternoon on the weekends?”

“I could sense something is wrong.”

“I-I’m okay,” you tried to lie, but the glassy look in your eyes was forming tears. Lip wobbling, “I’m not okay,” and that was when you felt yourself break down and seek out the comfort that only your imprint could give you. Throwing yourself into his hold, you gave up on trying to keep that barrier that you have created when it comes to physical contact with the wolf.

Jungkook had a million questions that he wanted to ask you, to find out who or what has hurt you. His wolf wanted to seek out the person who has hurt his mate, to kill or torture that person that dared to mess with his mate. Jungkook felt the primal need to do so, just to make you happy. But he wanted you to be okay first, to smile again, to be happy and yourself.

For the next hour, you relished in the comfort that only Jungkook could give you. With him holding you felt like a part of you felt better, but the knowledge that your mom is still gone and that she will not be back still haunts you. Jungkook could sense that, he could sense your distress and his wolf whimpered inside of him. Running his hands through your hair (something he has been wanting to do for three months now), he could tell that it is something that helps you calm down.

“My mother passed away two years ago today,” you began. Jungkook’s hold on you tightened, encouraging you to go on. “I should’ve taken her with me instead of leaving her there by myself. I should’ve dragged her with me instead of leaving her there at that stupid mall so she could get those dumb pair of shoes that she was waiting for. I tried to convince her to wait and get them later on, but she was adamant on getting them.” You gritted out, becoming angry at yourself. “And then there was a robbery during the sale, and she was…” and you clung onto him as if he was your lifeline, nose nuzzled into his neck, finding comfort in his natural, woodsy scent.

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You did not know, it is not your fault that your mom died, and she knows that. Blaming yourself for something that was way out of control is going to continue to make you miserable and eventually will kill you.” Jungkook said after a while. “Please stop beating yourself up over this is leading you down that road.”

You did not say anything, but when you squeezed Jungkook tightly for a minute and then released, he knew that was you acknowledging what you said. For the rest of the day the two of you spent the day in your bed, holding onto one another, talking about anything and everything. Eventually the both of you fell asleep without noticing it. Waking up the next morning entangled with one another, it felt normal. It was as if this was normal.

You realized that Jungkook is permanent and that he is not leaving you, that he is not making this all for show. So, that is why you began to stop stressing and worrying. You allowed yourself to fall, and you fell.

Ever since that day, you and Jungkook became what you call closer. You began to become physically affectionate with him and accept his affectionate ways. Jungkook obviously did sit next to you, or at least be six feet away from you in the beginning because him and his wolf needed that sense of relaxation to know that you were nearby. Now, though, Jungkook and you are touching one another in some sort of way now, whether that be your arms touching, knees touching, or him standing very close to you. You did not mind this one bit, the feeling of his body warmth had you feeling safe.

In class, now, Jungkook sits beside you, kicking the class nerd, AJ, out of his spot. His actions resulted in the silent treatment from how rude he was to the scrawny kid. During class Jungkook would whine and basically paw at your arm, wanting you to forgive him. After class, he went up to AJ and apologized, well, tried too, which earned Jungkook a please smile from you. 

The boy loves your praises and attention. But sometimes, he could not handle it when you and Lisa talk about guys right in front of him. 

You were out with Lisa, Jungkook, and Jungkook’s pack, having dinner at the new restaurant in town. All of you were seated around the large, round table, you being sat in between Jungkook and Lisa. Jungkook had scooted his chair to where it made your chair and his almost like a two-seater, arm around your shoulder as he had you leaned into him. You, obviously, did not mind this, finding yourself relaxed into his body. The two of you were looking at the menu together, trying to figure out what you both would want.

“I think I’ll just stick with a salad as an appetizer and have chicken alfredo as my dinner,” you concluded, looking at Jungkook.

“That sounds good baby,” Jungkook agreed with what you wanted. “I’ll take Spicy Kimchi Stew,” Jungkook concluded after a few minutes later, finalizing what he wanted right before the waiter came to the table.

Lisa kicked your leg, catching your attention. Raising her eyebrows suggestively at you when you realized that she found the waiter cute. Giggling, you nodded in confirmation, not denying the waiter was cute. But they would never beat Jungkook in attractiveness in your opinion.

Not knowing that Jungkook watched the interaction between you and Lisa, a low predatory growl rumbled in Jungkook’s chest. Tightening his arms around you, he sat up straighter in his chair and glared daggers into the waiter, nerving the poor boy.

“Jungkook.” You scolded at his rudeness when he told the boy what you two would like.

Losing his composure, Jungkook frowned down at you, “What?” He asked, trying to play innocent.

“Don’t be rude,” you said, giving Jungkook a look.

Jungkook pouted, “I’m sorry,” he apologized, wanting to get back on your good side. He hates being scolded by you.

“It’s okay, Kookie. Just go easy on the poor lad, he did no harm.”

“But you thought he was cute,” Jungkook grumbled, taking a sip of his water, jealousy evident in his tone and body language. 

Catching on to what he was saying, you giggled, finding his jealousy cute. Finding some confidence, “He has nothing on you.” A huge blush covered your face after you said that, “you have nothing to worry about.”

Jungkook was silent for a moment, body going stiff. You were nervous that you messed up, but those thoughts disappeared once you felt a pair of lips pressing to the side of your head and his arms pulling you closer (if possible) to his side, body trying to cover you with his. For the rest of the night, it felt as if you and Jungkook were on a new level. Jungkook was extra clingy and you were wanting Jungkook’s attention. You assume that your words had hit the both of you in a deeper meaning, a silent way of saying that you both belong to one another. 

[snaxpo]

fuck it bugsnax/s4m au notes

alternate title: i’m at that point in liking something where i have to combine it with everything else i’ve liked previously and today i’m making that everyone else’s problem. 

- base premise is a lil different! instead of being a journalist who was invited personally to the island by the expedition leader, you (or FK if you consider them a separate character from the player) are tasked with investigating the habitat, a budding commune on snaktooth island that may or may not be devolving into a cult. there’s just one teeny tiny problem - the commune’s leader and also your main suspect, boris habit, has been missing for weeks by the time you arrive. 

- now it’s a matter of gaining the inhabitants’ trust/getting them to come back to the habitat while hunting and subduing the bugsnax, who seem increasingly eager to launch themselves at inhabitants at quite literally dangerous speeds, in a battle of wits to keep your newfound companions fed while documenting the strange creatures. and of course, the question of just what happened to boris habit still lingers in the air. think like... talentless nana where the protag pretends to be all cute and unassuming (complete with flower motifs!) but really they’re there on Super Secret Spy Business. but of course there’s less murder. 

- oddly the bugsnax seem to have only become more aggressive after his disappearance. i’m sure it’s nothing. 

- yes everyone is still a grumpus

- there isn’t really an interview “mechanic” so much as it is a Lot of cozying up to everybody in pursuit of whatever information you can find on habit/potential group rituals/events that led to his disappearance; you get it by bits and pieces rather than a single structured interview. there is of course a lot more interactions between characters than there is in s4m’s base game bc thats like 60% of the appeal of bugsnax and i would be a fool not to think of it.

- time for ideas for specific characters! kamal is the vice-mayor of the habitat and has been habit’s right-hand grump for as long as any of the inhabitants can remember, despite their relationship becoming increasingly strained ever since their arrival on the island, and especially before habit’s disappearance. i imagine you still find him passed out but instead of collapsing from starvation he’s like "please.... toothpaste... a breath mint.... some pepto bismol. i’ve been able to taste my own breath for weeks." has been trying to divide his time between looking after the habitat and looking for habit himself (and also his best friend wallus) but the dispersal of the habitat has left him a tad Demoralized, to say the least.

- i feel like trencil would play a wambus-adjacent role in the sense that he's the one taking care of the sauce plants and also one of the first townspeople you meet. you convince to come back with you not necessarily bc he'd be able to continue farming in town but bc he would probably have an easier time looking for his daughter if he got some sleep first (but only if you look for her in his stead)

- gillis is like. a wannabe chandlo. makes you capture a bunch of snax that he Says he's gonna use to get stronger but eventually you find out he's been releasing them or keeping them in like lil makeshift pet houses bc he always takes one look at their big googly eyes and turns to mush. but EVERYONE'S eating them so naturally if they find out he's not they're gonna think he's some kinda wuss so he just pretends. 

- dallas keeps asking for sweet n colorful bugsnax to give to mirphy to impress her (sweetieflies, instabugs, etc etc.) but by some streak of bad luck they always end up being her least favorite. he tries to see if Maybe he can use them to make some new bugsnak-exclusive pigments, but like in canon they always end up turning into mush before he can get very far. mirphy meanwhile is far more interested in preserving them for a potential display, but similar to dallas, she never gets very far.

- i imagine the kid habiticians are like. a roving band of semi-feral children bc if anyone's gonna keep them in town it's definitely not kamal.

- i wanna do something with wallus SO BAD like you find him somewhere up in frosted peak but i have no idea what he would even DO its fucking killing me

- those are all the ideas i have For Now; s4m has more characters than bugsnax so there’s a lot to be done w/ them lmao. if i think of any more i’ll probably put it in another post or if anybody wants to spitball with me.......  👀

- and now we get to The Big Guns: habit.

- he was fun to work on w/ this au mostly bc despite being the rough equivalent of lizbert he’s a way different type of flawed leader than her; where liz is responsible to the point of martyring herself without a second thought and not thinking to delegate any tasks to the other snaxburg residents, which is what ultimately causes them to fall apart once she disappears, habit's deal is that he wants the position and appearance of an authority figure because it'll keep him safe, but he kind of sucks at taking responsibility for anything he does wrong because he’s spent most of his life acting according to what other people (namely his family) expect of him and being met with a negative reception no matter what, so he doesn’t really believe he has power over anything, including his own actions, despite being such a control freak for most of his own game. so his arc would need something that’s kind of antithetical to what liz had, wouldn’t it?

- so what i got so far is that au habit was tryin to covertly start a bugsnax cult bc he sees being asborbed by the snax as a sort of ascension and was eventually planning to have everyone be absorbed; it’s important to note however that bc information on bugsnax is so obscure he doesn’t actually 100% know how absorption works so tl;dr: habit became the bugsnax monarch willingly and then 5 seconds later he was like "oh no wait this fucking sucks. what have i done. shit. fuck."

- unable to cope with the realization that he was once again forced to act in accordance to someone (or in this case something) else's desires, he shuts down emotionally, becoming an empty husk of a grumpus while the bugsnax above run rampant thanks to the extra fuel and absolutely no restrictions until the Big Climax when habit is finally moved to take back control of the snax and by proxy Take Some Fucking Responsibility for knowingly luring people to cthulhu island. however this does leave the obvious question of if he was such an empty shell for most of the game why didn’t they just. eat him.

- the answer i eventually landed on was that his self-preservation instincts were still kicking on a subconscious level and during the aforementioned climax he eventually realizes that he does not in fact want to die, he just doesn’t want to keep living the way he is now (as part of an ancient hivemind beyond his understanding) or the way he was before (you know.)

- also fun fact: i was thinking about what his monarch body would be based off of bc the snakdragon, while cool as shit, didn’t feel right for him, and then i remembered that blooming onions exist. i imagine he’s in the middle acting as the flower’s “stigma”

- as for endings i’m thinking like. in the neutral ending kamal joins habit but its left ambiguous whether or not they'll ever be able to leave the island or if this is even a permanent solution (call that the paw in unloveable paw ending). in the good ending you bust habit outta his queen body after fending off enough bugsnax together and it’s super gross bc the undersnax as a whole is super gross but hey at least everyone’s leaving alive. i don’t know what a bad ending entails except most if not all of the cast is dead and habit is left alone on the island surrounded by reminders of his spectacular failure.

- hell i can even think of a sequel hook for the good ending like in canon bugsnax; some time after the ending/credits you ask habit just Where did he get the information on bugsnax that led to him being like “you could make a religion out of this” and the screen fades to black before you hear his answer. there.

- its almost midnight.

[dragonsareourfuture]

Reunion — Parent!L/Parent!GN!Reader

We finally got some L into the mix! This is honestly less focused on you and L’s relationship and more so on the family dynamic between all the other characters and you guys, plus your daughter! Everything’s pretty chill, no mentions of the Kira case, no angst. Just...happy. (Also, just wanted to mention that there are some jabs at people who stream for a living in this but that’s just Roger being a dick your job is valid no matter what <3)

(DN) = Daughter’s Name :)

WHERE? WHERE IS MY NIECE?”

“Jesus, Misa! Be careful!”

As soon as these voices were heard, Roger was sure that all peace and quiet for the day would be cast out the window. Even so, he put on a cheerful smile and exited the kitchen to greet yours and L’s bittersweet friends who had just begun removing their shoes to place in the neat shoe rack in the foyer.

“Ah, Light Yagami and Misa Amane, glad you could make it,” Roger began.

“Yes, it’s nice to meet you. I apologize for the short notice, but L had mentioned that it was his daughter’s birthday and we just had to attend,” Light explained with a faux, closed-eyed grin as he lifted a bag decorated like a birthday present for further explanation.

Roger nodded curtly and took the present from Light, holding out a hand to direct the couple towards the kitchen where the festivities were to be held for that evening.

Misa perked up again when she laid eyes upon the infant being bounced on your knee, giggling absentmindedly.

“There she is!” The enthusiastic blond squealed, practically shoving her boyfriend of three years out of the way to kneel in front of the babbling child like she was a god.

You giggled at her antics and let her squish your baby’s cheeks between her fingers. “Hi, Misa. It’s been a while.”

“I know! It has, hasn’t it?” Misa cooed, words directed at you but using the high pitched voice one uses to speak to a child nonetheless.

Light ambled into the kitchen hesitantly, eyeing L, who was standing over you as you sat on a stool at the counter, his hand on your shoulder while the other one resided in his pocket. Light nodded politely, his features stiff and his shoulders tense as if waiting for L to provoke him at any second. L easily picked up on Light’s careful movements and squared his shoulders, correcting his posture a bit though his dull expression never changed. Luckily, the tension was snapped when the front door opened once again and two college-age kids stepped into the cool interior of the fairly large home.

L seemed to relax more now that more people he was comfortable with began filing into the space. The pair in question — a lazily dressed brunet adorned with a cigarette and orange-tinted goggles as well as a leather clad blond with scar tissue occupying the left side of his face and arm — came through the threshold and packed themselves into the already tight-fitting kitchen, bickering with each other all the while.

“Matt, just put it over there.”

“No, I wanna give it to her now!”

“Be patient, asshat!”

“Hey, no language like that in front of the baby!”

You snapped your fingers to get the boys’ attention and gestured for them to just hand you their present already. Matt happily stepped forward and handed you a crudely wrapped gift. Not to mention, they had used crumpled newspaper and a length of thread to tie the gift together. Matt shot you a sheepish smile and admitted, “We couldn’t afford wrapping paper...”

“Aw, guys, this is more than enough! Thank you.” You glanced down at your daughter and allowed her tiny yet strong fingers to curl around your own. “Can you say ‘thank you’, (DN)?”

The little girl bouncing on your knee gazed up, recited gibberish at the two boys and stuck out her slimy tongue, drool slipping from the corner of her mouth.

“You’re welcome, little one.” The brunet patted the girl’s head and (DN) grabbed at his wrist. He let her tug his hand down and stare at his fingers in awe, even if her hands were covered in baby saliva.

Mello let out a subtle chuckle and pulled out one of the stools lined up at the counter in order to sit next to you. He gestured to the elegantly wrapped present and smirked, “Matt picked it out.”

Matt was too busy to hear this admission as he was wiggling his fingers in front of (DN)’s face, causing uncontrollable giggles to burst from her toothless mouth.

You puzzled at the gift for a moment before consulting L, who merely shrugged. You figured he of all people would know what the pair was capable of considering he had lived with them for a good amount of time, but he came up empty. Before you got a chance to open the gift, however, Roger piped up with a question for Matt.

“So, Matt, how’s your job been?”

Matt paused and stared blankly at the man who used to house him, caught off guard by the question, opening and closing his mouth like a beached fish. “Uh...fine. It’s been—”

“He’s been doing great.” Mello chimed in, glaring daggers at the man.

“Oh, that’s good to hear. Tell me, what is it you do, again?” Roger continued. Mello shifted his glance to Matt, an expectant and impatient expression laced onto his narrow features as if they had rehearsed this very conversation back at their apartment and had to follow a script.

“I’m a gaming streamer.” Matt choked and Mello could barely help but throw his head into his hands. “It’s a real job.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is, son.” The older man seemed to find triumph in the outcome of this conversation and retreated to the living room before the victory was taken from him.

“Nice one, man.”

“I’m sorry, okay!?”

“Hey, Matt, there’s no shame in doing what you love.” You offered kindly.

“It would help if it payed the bills...” Mello mumbled, to which you sent a harsh kick to his shin.

The lot of you were unable to hear the door open and close thanks to Mello’s yelp of pain and Matt’s howls of laughter, and as quiet as Near was it wasn’t a surprise to have him suddenly appear out of nowhere.

“There you are, Near! How’ve you been?” You greeted cheerily, hoping to make up for the white haired boy’s lack of enthusiasm.

The pajama wearing boy merely hummed and crouched down in front of your child, being able to since Misa was long gone, huddling up next to Light and chatting animatedly with Gevanni, who had escorted Near to the party. The baby bopped Near’s fluffy head with the flat of her palm. He didn’t seem to mind, though.

As Roger carried in the cake it was difficult to refrain from laughing as L’s eyelids practically disappeared, leaving most of the whites of his eyes visible. The light from the birthday candles flickered in his irises. It appeared that he was in some sort of trance. When the cake was set down on the countertop you turned so that your daughter was facing the treat, placing a gentle yet firm hand on L’s shoulder as he twitched as if he would lunge for the cake.

“Should we start singing then-?”

“No!” Chirped your daughter as she slapped a hand down into the icing, leaving a tiny handprint that claimed her piece of the marble cake.

Laughter was heard around the room and Roger shrugged as he began cutting everyone pieces of cake.

Once everyone was finished and (DN) was sufficiently covered in crumbs and icing, you all shifted to the living room to start opening presents.

As your little girl pawed are the first gift, a collective gasp echoed through the room when the front door all but burst open. The metal knob most likely dented the wall as it slammed. Roger winced, nothing on his mind but the time he’d spend on repairs.

“I’M HERE!” Matsuda announced with a boisterous laugh, delighted to see that the party was still in full swing. However, his ear to ear grin didn’t last long as he noticed everyone’s surprised and confused faces staring back at him.

“Did you invite him?” L whispered in your direction.

“Um...no I don’t think so.” You replied, putting a smile on your face nonetheless. You stood, handing your daughter over to L as she waved the half opened gift in his face to which he smiled lightly. “Hey, Matsuda! You’re just in time for presents!” You hugged him tightly around his waist, attempting to make up for how terrible you felt for not inviting him yet also curious how he got here if neither you or L had mentioned the occasion to him.

“Oh, good! I was sure I missed everything! I felt terrible! Oh, here.” Matsuda passed you a colorful, neatly wrapped package adorned with a festive silver bow. Your stomach dropped even further with guilt as you realized how much time he put into the gift. “Light told me about (DN)’s second birthday and I couldn’t miss it!”

You couldn’t help your lips from stretching into a wide smile when you looked back up at the usually forgetful and clumsy man. “Come on, wouldn’t want you to miss out,” you said, taking him by the hand and leading him to sit with everyone else.

“Alright, now just open our present already!” Matt exclaimed, practically bouncing up and down on the couch cushion. You laughed, not remembering the last time you saw him this excited. You assisted your daughter in getting the rest of the “wrapping paper” off of the gift inside. It was a case, almost like a DVD case but smaller, and as you flipped it around you could read “Call of Duty” on the cover.

“Call of Duty!” Matt shouted, throwing his fists in the air.

“As I already told you, I did not pick that out,” Mello defended.

“But now me and (DN) can play it together! Right, (DN)?”

Your little girl clapped enthusiastically at Matt’s offer.

“Great. Thanks, Matt.” L took the game from the still cheering girl on your lap and put it to the side.

After the rest of the presents were opened and wrapping paper littered the floor, people began to say their goodbyes. All of Wammy’s boys opted to stay and help clean up, sharing a beer afterwards. Well, more like Mello and Matt shared a beer. L helped himself to the leftover cake that had been set aside to be packed up into Tupperware. Near sat on the floor next to the counter, playing with (daughters name) and unboxing all of the new toys she had received from earlier.

“Oh, shit. Matt, we should get going soon. It’s getting dark and I gotta be up by five.”

“Since when have you been so business oriented?” You questioned with a smirk, referring to Mello’s new job at the chocolate shop. It wasn’t much and he knew that, but it was pretty much the only thing he was qualified for after spending the entirety of his high school years in the mafia.

“Since I was almost fired the other day.”

At the mention of this unfortunate event, Matt had to stifle a laugh as he elaborated, “Turns out businesses don’t like it when you take most of the merchandise home with you.”

“I swear, Jeevas, get in the fucking car.”

“Language!” Matt reminded with a devilish smile.

You swore Matt could have dropped dead with the glare Mello was sending his way. The brunet relented and gave you a goodbye hug once you stood from your perch on the stool. He then bent down and swiped (DN) from the floor.

“Hey,” Near began to protest.

“Oh, shut it, you fucking sheep.”

Matt covered the little girl’s ears and looked at the blond like he should know better. Mello rolled his eyes as tiny hands batted at the feathers adorning the collar of his floor length coat. “Hello.” He said plainly.

“Aw, c’mon, Mello! Hold her!” Matt insisted, holding the child out to the reluctant blond.

“I don’t wanna get spit all over me, thanks.”

“Think fast!” Matt literally threw your child into Mello’s arms, leaving him no choice other than to catch her from mid air.

“Don’t do that!” You scolded, leaning against L (who had just arrived by your side) out of pure relief that Mello possessed decent reflexes. Crumbs fell into your hair from the corners of L’s mouth as he wiped them clean, appearing to not be phased by your child taking a little flight.

L then stepped forward when he noticed the blond struggling with how to hold the infant, thrown off by her ever-moving limbs and intense gaze. Your poor postured husband adjusted the girl in his younger counterpart’s grasp so that he balanced her on his hip, arm supporting her bottom. He looked more nervous rather than disgusted.

“There you go.” L lightly patted Mello’s back, as if silently telling him that he was doing well.

“Yeah...this is fine...”

Near stood from the floor and shifted his gaze over to you, eyes soft and pleading. “May I hold her?”

“Really? Off to steal my thunder, are you?”

“You looked uncomfortable.”

“I’m always uncomfortable. It’s part of being me!” Your baby was then shielded from Near by Mello’s protective, feathery shoulder which (DN) had begun to chew on.

“Mihael, why don’t you let Near have a turn?” The blond boy tensed at the sound of his real name but, once he seemed to remember it was only coming from you, he thrust (DN) into Near’s chest, waiting for him to wrap his arms securely around her.

Matt twirled the car keys around his index finger. “C��mon, like you said it’s getting dark.”

“Oh, yeah.” Mello gave you a quick one armed hug, doing the same for L and heading out the door without even acknowledging Roger who was clearing up the now empty cake tray. “See ya.”

Gevanni made you nearly jump out of your skin as he appeared out of thin air to consult Near, who still rocked the baby in his arms, on what time he should start up the limousine.

“Now that I think about it, we should let our friends rest. It was lovely to see you three.” The white haired boy politely parted ways with you, climbing into the limousine and waving through the tinted window. (DN) flopped her tiny hand around in an uncoordinated wave. It was barely noticeable, but Near allowed a smile to pull at the corners of his lips as Gevanni drove away and out of sight.

You sighed, curling your fingers around L’s hand. “That was fun, seeing all of them again.”

“Yes, it was. We should do that more often.”

“We should actually invite Matsuda next time instead of waiting for him to show up. I enjoy his company.”

“If you say so.”

You slapped L’s shoulder with the back of your hand.

“Meanie.”