#I live five hours from san diego and I have been there on more than one occasion and I want to cry every time I write abt it let me INNNN

[roosterforme]

How You Play the Game Part 4 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley is torn between hoping for more nights with you and calling it quits now. But he feels too good when he's around you. When he takes you on a late night date after the game, he's convinced you have the same mixed up feelings he does. But neither of you can seem to explain it. 

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst, and smut (18+)

Length: 4700 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! How You Play the Game masterlist. Banner by @thedroneranger

When Bradley left your hotel room at five in the morning, you were still sound asleep. It took every bit of his willpower to carefully extract himself from the warmth of the bed and your body. The room was dark, but he could still see the outline of your profile as you stirred slightly, and he ran his mustache along your cheek. 

The sentiments that flooded his brain and almost escaped his lips were startling, and he rolled slowly away from you, his heart beating a little erratically. He needed to get on the road before the Los Angeles rush hour traffic picked up, but he found himself moving without hurry as he located his keys and wallet. 

Why was he doing this? He had two more mornings like this, maybe more if he was lucky. But he should have been doing a better job of keeping his feelings in check. He told himself not to do it, but it was like he had no control at this point, so Bradley walked around the bed and kissed your forehead. "See ya, Ace."

He listened to the sports radio show he normally enjoyed on his drive, but he wasn't really absorbing any of it. Your article and insights were better than this. And when he made it to work, he read your game three article on the New York Times app several times when he had breaks and while he ate lunch. It was no wonder every media outlet wanted to have you writing for them. Your style and like no other, and everyone seemed to see that. Bradley wished your boss acknowledged what an asset you are instead of screaming at you for literally nothing. 

Ace: You made it to work on time? Miss you.

"Fuck," he gasped, feeling like someone had hit him in the gut as he stood to throw his trash away after lunch. If he believed this was one sided, it wouldn't have been so bad. If he wasn't getting messages like Miss you as soon as he wasn't with you, he would have probably been dealing with this better.

He knew there were sixteen condoms left. He knew you were as keen to take things to bed as he was. Miss you. But that just didn't seem like all there was, and he already knew there wouldn't be enough time to find out for sure. 

Yeah, I made it on time. I miss you too. I'll be back up as soon as I get out of work.

This was going to hurt pretty soon. He should be planning to head back to Anaheim tonight to end things with you. But keeping this entanglement going for the duration of the World Series had been his idea to begin with, and the thought of ending up anywhere except with you when he was falling asleep made him feel uncomfortable. 

Ace: My room smells like you again. And I can practically still feel your arm wrapped around me.

And now Bradley was looking at tickets for the game even though it started at five. He would miss the first few innings, but at least he'd be able to get his arm around you again. 

--------------------------

Your skin was tingling with anticipation, and no matter what you did, you couldn't distract yourself. Bradley was on his way up from San Diego again. He was fighting through traffic to get to you like you were living in some sort of fairy tale with an expiration date. Like he was the handsome prince and the press box was your tower. You snorted as you sat down with your computer and your stat sheet.

It had barely been half a day since he was tangled up in your hotel room bed with you, keeping you warm and secure with his body pressed to the back of yours. It was so easy to slip into a daydream about him, but just as easily you remembered you'd be leaving for Boston and then probably seven more cities before you made your way back to your apartment in New York for a day off. 

You just missed a pitch. Bradley wasn't even here yet and you were having a hard time focusing on the game. Everyone else around you was writing and typing away, but you found yourself missing him too much. Then your phone started to vibrate, and a smile spread across your face. 

"Hi Bradley," you whispered when you answered between pitches. 

"Ace, Baby." He sounded out of breath as if he was trying to get to you as quickly as he could. Butterflies lifted off in your tummy as he said, "I just bought a ticket from a scalper in the parking lot for a hundred bucks since it's already the fourth inning. But now the security guards are looking at me like I'm highly suspicious."

You had to stifle your laughter as you stood. "Where are you?"

"Almost to the green door. Almost to you."

Without another word, you ended the call and grabbed your lanyard. And when you opened the heavy door and saw him walking so fast he was practically running, your laughter bubbled over. 

"Ace," he called out breathlessly. "I had to park so far away." Before you could even respond, he had you in his arms, lifting you off the ground. "Worth it," he murmured as his lips met yours. 

You wanted to tell him how much you missed him. You wanted him to know how happy you were that he came all the way back up here to you. He kissed you so well, you wanted to tell him you wouldn't stop thinking about him for a minute. But instead you said, "Let's get you inside before you get kicked out of here."

As he carried you into the press box, you could feel the thudding of his heart beneath your palm. You kissed his cheek a dozen times before he set you down. "You better get to work, Ace. The best articles around aren't going to write themselves."

"I'll have an easier time of it with you here," you told him as he grabbed one of the folding chairs and settled in. 

"Really? How so?"

"I'll have someone to fetch me food and tell me I look pretty."

"I mean, you do look pretty. You hungry?" he asked as you tried to decipher how many outs you had missed. 

"No," you replied, immediately putting your hand on his thigh to keep him in his seat. You didn't want him going anywhere at the moment. 

"Alright," he rasped next to your ear. "I'll just be your cheerleader then. You're doing great, Baby. Keep going. Your article is going to be perfect."

You were smiling as he let his arm settle across your back, and the occasional words of encouragement kept a smile on your face. You laughed when he said something completely ridiculous like, "All the old, fat dudes are so jealous of you," as he gestured to Quincy who was sitting across the aisle glaring at you.

"Maybe he thinks you're pretty," you whispered.

Bradley just scoffed. "Not my type. He doesn't have any blue feathers at all."

And when the Padres scored a run, you could tell he wanted to cheer as he bit his knuckle. "Do you absolutely hate that nobody cheers in the press box?" you asked him with a laugh as you recorded the run.

"I think I'm actually getting used to it now. But I'm annoyed as hell that the Padres are winning. If the Angels can even out the series to 2-2, I'll get to spend more time with you."

You looked at him with what you just knew was a giddy grin. "You're annoyed that your favorite team is winning?" you asked as you ran your fingers along his Padres shirt.

"Yeah. Kind of. I'd rather spend time with you than anything else."

You kissed him softly and then whispered, "Stop being sweet. I'm trying to work here."

"You're not trying very hard."

Then you nipped at his lip before settling back against his arm. You wrote a quick paragraph about the Padres' relief pitcher throwing a temper tantrum while Bradley proofread it for you. And then you started to add your stats into the article during the seventh inning stretch when Bradley went to get you a water bottle. He kissed the back of your neck as he eased himself back down into his folding chair. 

"I have an idea," he whispered. "Might be silly."

"What is it?" you murmured as you scrawled down a note for later. 

He was quiet for a beat, and when he spoke, he sounded much less self assured than he usually did. "What if we stay here after the game ends and you finish your article early? Then I can take you on a date?"

His fingers had stilled on your back as you processed his words. "I've kind of been tricking myself into thinking all the baseball games and nights back at my hotel were dates," you said softly, unable to look at him. It was really easy to get lonely in your line of work, and if you let yourself dwell on it too long, you started to feel like it would swallow you whole. You couldn't have a pet or even any houseplants, much less a relationship. There was no time leftover for dates or falling in love.

But Bradley was making you feel two very different things at the same time. He made you wish you had time for these feelings that were creeping in. And he also made you certain that you'd never feel them again after you left for Boston, so what was the point? You shouldn't be encouraging this. But then you looked at his face. 

"Yes. Those absolutely were dates," he confirmed. "And this is one right now. But we could go the traditional route for a few hours? Mini golf and a diner?"

If you were supposed to say no right now, you weren't sure how to manage it. "Okay."

And then he settled back with a satisfied grin, and his fingers started drawing those delicious shapes on your back once again. You couldn't remember the last time you'd been on an actual date, but you were sure after tonight, this one would be the benchmark.

--------------------------

"You're a sports writer. Golf is a sport. How are you this bad at it?"

"This is mini golf!" you argued. "It's not real golf! And I'm only doing so poorly because you keep touching me."

Bradley was wrapping his arms around you from behind again, trying to help you line up your shot on the seventh hole, but it was such a lost cause. "Just like that. Don't hit it too hard." As soon as he released you, he could tell it was going to be another awful shot. He watched your neon blue ball soar over to the eighth hole. "You know what? Fine, I'll stop touching you, Ace. You go ahead and show me how good you are," he told you as he went to retrieve your ball for probably the tenth time.

When he carried it back over to you, Bradley grinned at your laughter. The two of you were on a rooftop halfway between Anaheim and Los Angeles, and the night air was just starting to cool things off. After the game ended with an Angels victory, you scooted over to sit on Bradley's lap and he watched you work, offering help as you went. You'd finished your article around 9:30 and submitted it to be published, and then you and he had raced out to his Bronco.

You lined up your shot to try again without Bradley's help, and you hit it too hard again, sending it right back to the eighth hole again. "Okay, fine! I'm bad at mini golf!"

He planted his hands on his hips and turned to get the ball again. "You may as well just let me touch you then, yeah?"

"Yes," you replied, bending to set up your shot one more time. "Just touch me. I like it better when you do."

This time Bradley wrapped your hands around the club and covered them with his. "I like it better, too." He kissed your cheek and helped you check your swing with a long fluid motion, and you both watched the ball roll straight as an arrow until it sank into the cup. 

"Hole in one!" you said, jumping up and down and thrusting your club up in the air. "I got a hole in one!"

"It was at least half me," Bradley grumbled as he set his red ball down and sank another one. "See? I'm the hole in one master."

"Sure, Bradley," you said sweetly, and he spent a minute kissing the smirk off your face before someone in the group behind you started to clear their throat.

"We're holding people up," he murmured, and then you tucked your fingers into his jeans pocket and led him to collect both balls. 

"Help me get another hole in one, and I'll let you get lucky later," you told him as he dipped down to grab the golf balls. You laughed when he promptly dropped both of them and had to recollect them. 

Bradley chased you to the next hole and wrapped his arms around you again, chanting, "Come on, come on, I wanna get lucky." When the shot narrowly missed going into the hole, Bradley kissed your neck and whispered, "It's okay. I'm already getting lucky."

By the last hole, you and he had managed to get three more hole in one shots, and you had your arms around his neck and your lips on his. The city skyline was lit up in the background, and the sounds of traffic even this late were permeating the air around you. But Bradley was absorbed in your body pressed to his and your hips beneath his hands. 

"I had fun," you said between heated kisses. "You're going to get so lucky."

Bradley laughed as his hands moved to your ass, and he pushed the apprehension from his mind. Why couldn't he find a girl like this in San Diego? Why couldn't you live in San Diego? You were perfect. 

"Didn't you mention a diner that's open all night?" you whispered.

"Let's go."

------------------------

"Apparently it's built out of an old train car," Bradley was saying about the diner as he laced his fingers with yours on the drive there. "Supposed to be good."

You didn't care where he was taking you, because you were having the best night you could remember having in so long. You almost forgot you were on assignment. It was hard for you to acknowledge that you were lonely, but now that you had, you weren't sure how to make it better. Everything was temporary. But that didn't dispute the fact that you and Bradley were in the middle of something, and that this was not anything you normally did. You never, ever told anyone else that your favorite team is the Blue Jays. You never allowed anyone to look at your articles before they were published, let alone help you add notes and proofread them. And that wasn't even touching on the physical aspect of things.

"I think that's it," he said, removing his hand from yours to make the turn into the parking lot. You missed his warmth immediately, but your phone was ringing in your pocket anyway.

Bradley glanced at you as you looked at the screen. "It's Greg. My boss. Should be quick," you assured him. When you answered, you didn't have to say more than his name before he started unloading.

"If this thing goes to seven games, we are likely to lose the exclusives in Boston!" he ranted loudly. "I want you on a flight as soon as you can get out of California."

"Understood, Greg," you said, giving Bradley an apologetic look. But his eyes were wide, and the look he was giving you had your insides in knots. He didn't like when Greg yelled. But he just kept on going.

"I'm just trying to head off a disaster, because if one of these fully online platforms snatches up our exclusive, it will be a fucking nightmare! I'm weighing my options here. I may send Winston out to replace you for the remainder of the World Series so you can start heading east sooner."

"No!" you replied quickly before he could expand on that idea. You were looking at Bradley, heart pounding as you asked Greg, "Aren't my articles doing well? You know my baseball related content always does well."

"Your articles are doing great! They always do great! That's why I need you in fucking Boston!"

You pressed your lips together as Bradley let his hand rest on your knee. "Do not send Winston. I'll see this to the end and then head out."

"First flight you can get! And you better hope this only goes six games, because after Boston, you're going international for a few weeks."

Your stomach lurched as he ended the call. "Why does he have to scream at you?" Bradley asked, looking distraught. He was reaching for you and pulling you onto his lap. "Your work is immaculate."

For a split second, you could picture all of the recruitment emails in your inbox. More piled in every day. "It's just how he works. He's this way with everyone."

"I don't like it at all," he whispered as you came to rest on his lap in his vintage Bronco. Bradley made you feel warm and safe. His mustache brushed along your cheek as he added, "If he thinks you're the best person on his roster to go to Boston for another exclusive and then out of the country, then he should be treating you with respect."

"You heard what he said?" you asked, suddenly clinging to his shirt like he was about to be taken away from you.

"Yeah, Ace. He was screaming at you, Baby. I could hear the whole thing."

You wanted to just curl up right here and go to sleep for the night in this dark parking lot with Bradley's body heat and the steady rhythm of his heart against your palm. Because as soon as he left you at your hotel in a few hours and went back to San Diego so he could go to work tomorrow, you knew you'd miss him terribly. 

You forced yourself to say, "I'm hungry." You needed to get out of his car and away from his embrace before you started to cry.

"I'm starving," he said with a soft laugh as he popped his door open and let you climb down. As you and he headed across the parking lot, he reached for your hand and said, "Just know that I think you're better than having to deal with a boss who yells like an asshole for no reason."

You swallowed hard as the two of you were led to a cute booth inside the retro diner. Somehow you just knew this place suited Bradley, and now this aesthetic was going to remind you of him forever. When you slid down into the booth, he went to release your hand, presumably to sit across from you. But you shook your head and pulled him in next to you instead. 

When the two of you were left alone with some menus, he wrapped his arm around you. "I always thought people who sat next to each other in a booth looked like idiots," you told him with a grin. "But for some reason I just wanted you over here."

He didn't respond verbally, he just kissed your forehead. And then you listened to him ask the waitress which menu items were the best, and he ordered them all. "I'm hungry. You're hungry. We'll try everything," he whispered. 

And then you just settled in. He didn't pull his arm away from you as you told him all about your favorite writing assignments in your surprisingly illustrious career for how young you are. And you learned more about him, too. He waited until a plethora of food was delivered to the table around midnight to carefully slip his arm away from you. 

"I really like this," you said softly, unsure if he heard you at first. You were only a little embarrassed by the way your voice shook. 

"Me too, Ace."

---------------------------

It was one in the morning. Bradley's belly was filled with one of the most delicious meals he'd ever had as he walked you back to your hotel room with his arm draped across your shoulders. When you got to your door, he watched you open up your bag to locate your room key, and his eyes caught on something blue.

"Did you steal the golf ball?" he asked softly, and you looked up at him right away. "Gonna use it to practice in your hotel room?"

But your eyes weren't teasing as you shook your head slightly. "It's my souvenir. From this trip. Something I can take back to New York."

And now Bradley wasn't teasing either. "I wish you could take me back."

You pressed your lips together, and your eyes fluttered close. "Don't, okay? Please."

He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Okay."

Without another word, you unlocked the door and walked over to the desk chair and set your bag down. Bradley let the door close behind him as you turned on the lamp. Your skin looked pretty in the soft, orange light as you started to unbutton your blouse. His lips parted as you bared yourself to him, letting your top fall to the floor along with your bra. 

He started to stir as he took a step in your direction. You were feeling the same way he was. You didn't want this to end either. You had that golf ball, and Bradley already had his ticket from game one taped up on his mirror. When you met his eyes, he found himself ready to bare his feelings to you. 

"Let's fuck," you announced, your fingers on the fly of your jeans. "You wanna?"

He didn't know what to say as he watched you shimmy out of your pants and approach him in just your underwear. "Ace."

You took him by the hand and started to lead him to bed. Then you were yanking his shirt off and working on his pants, but you didn't meet his eyes. And your usual smile was missing. "Let's do this."

"Ace," he repeated, a little softer this time as he gently wrapped his hands around your wrists and stilled your movements. "I don't want to just fuck. I want to do what we've been doing."

You finally met his eyes. "That is what we've been doing. Just fucking."

"No," Bradley replied, pulling your hands away from his body. "That's not it. There's... more."

He watched you cross your arms over your chest, and your voice broke when you said, "No, Bradley, there's not more. Because there can't be more."

You turned your back to him. He waited a beat and then ran his right hand up your arm to your shoulder. When you shivered for him, he whispered, "You react to me. And I react to you. I miss you when I'm at work. I think about you all day long. Maybe you won't acknowledge it out loud, but please, don't say it's just fucking." 

You spun around and buried your face against his neck and chest, and he held you tight. "It's not just fucking," you agreed, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry I said that."

Bradley kissed the top of your head. "You're not the only one who wishes things could be different." He coaxed your chin up with his fingers so you were looking at him. "You're not the only one, Ace."

And then you kissed him, and this time when you tugged Bradley closer to the bed, he went with you. Even if you wouldn't say anything else to him, you were showing him with everything you did. Your hands were soft on his face, and your fingers wound slowly through his hair. Your lips were on his cheeks and his ears and his forehead. And Bradley knew he only had a few more of these perfect minutes with you, but he didn't want the desperation to cloud the sweetness. Not tonight. 

"Come here, Baby," he murmured, his hands on your hips as you leaned back against the pillows. But you pulled him closer for more sweet kisses, his hands returning to your face. 

"No, you come here," you coaxed, and that pretty smile that he missed was back on your face now. 

"Here I am," he replied with a grin as you wrapped your leg around his and tried to push his jeans down with your foot. When you giggled he peppered kisses all over your face. "You want a hand with that?" he asked as you continued to struggle with his pants. 

"No, I got it," you whispered, reaching down to push them down, and then he pulled them all the way off. Your hands trailed back up along his body, and now Bradley was the one shivering. "I got it," you repeated, looking up at him. 

You stole the golf ball. And you let Bradley help with your articles. And he knew your secrets. His thumb trailed along your cheek, and he couldn't stop grinning. "I'm going to call in sick tomorrow."

"Bradley," you whined as his thumb trailed along your neck. "You said the planes wouldn't fly themselves."

He shrugged and kissed your skin where his thumb had been. "I'll let somebody else worry about it tomorrow. I'd rather spend the day with you. If you'll let me."

"Yes," you agreed immediately. "Stay with me."

He sighed against your skin. That's all he wanted to hear right now. "I will. Do you want me to get one of the sixteen condoms, Baby?" he asked softly. 

You just moaned his name and ran your fingers along his abs, and eventually Bradley extracted himself from your hands and went to dig around in your suitcase just like last night. When he stepped out of his underwear, he watched you pull yours off as well. Then you sat up and looked at him, the soft light catching on your features as you curled your legs to the side. And it was so much more than just fucking. And maybe part of Bradley wished it wasn't, because it was going to be too hard to face later.  

But when you smiled at him, he crawled across the bed and into your arms. And it was a long time before he put the condom on, focusing on his lips on your body and your words in his ears. Then he went slowly, rocking into you at a tempo he hoped conveyed just how fucking much he cared for you. 

Your back was arched, chest pressed to him as he held your hands over your head. You laced your fingers with his, squeezing them as you repeated his name over and over. Bradley's body covered yours as he moved in time with you, and he watched you come undone as you came for him. 

"It's so much more, Ace," he rasped, his voice broken as you squeezed him. You nodded as you whined his name louder, and Bradley came, too. 

Neither of you moved for a long time as he let his cheek rest on your shoulder while you played with his hair. Not many words were exchanged, but the two of you barely went more than a minute without touching each other in some way. When you returned from the bathroom in his Padres jersey, Bradley wrapped you up in his arms, and you let him. 

"You're really staying?" you asked quietly.

He kissed you as you settled in bed next to him. "Yeah, I'm staying. I'm yours all day tomorrow."

"Good."

Neither of you set an alarm, and neither of you said anything else. But once again, Bradley fell into the most comfortable sleep with his arms around you and his lips on the back of your neck. 

-------------------------

I don't want them to hurt. I want them to have fun together while they can. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 5

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[vivalas-vega]

new perspectives // part twelve // jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

sooo... it's been almost a year since I updated this fic 🫣 whoops lol but here we are!!! this part does include a glimpse into what's going on w jupiter/heavier topics but I don't get too much into bc a) that's not what anyone signed up for w this fic lol and b) I think any more of a reaction from jupiter would be a little out of character - and I think there's enough love/fluff/silliness in this fic to offset it. but anyway, as always let me know what you think and I promise the next update won't take a year!

new perspectives // part twelve // jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven

I do not have a taglist, if you'd like to be notified of future works please follow @vegaslibrary and turn on post notifications

word count: 3.7k

warnings: language, drinking, mentions of war/violence/death (but nothing I personally think is too far outside of canon-typical), some angsty inner-monologue type stuff, slight suggestiveness

Time felt like molasses to you lately… the sand in the hourglass wasn’t sand anymore, it was a thick, sticky liquid moving with no sense of urgency. You no longer had any sense of urgency, and it was just about the most horrifying thing for you to go through. Through the chaos of your evacuation and return home you hadn’t really noticed you didn’t have full function of your arm, there was a tingling pain that shot down all the way to your fingertips and so you had to undergo surgery to repair the damaged nerves. A complex thirteen hour surgery, with an even longer recovery time.

Your prognosis was good, fantastic even. Everyone assigned to your case at the hospital was overjoyed with the results, knowing that usually patients that were in your condition were lucky to achieve ninety percent function back but you were well on track for a full hundred percent… but, that didn’t change the fact that you were standing in the middle of your living room, two months after returning home, still unable to do anything other than redecorate the house. Or bake cookies from scratch. Or go through dozens of bananas for suture practice before using them in bread. 

Your mental health therapist had already signed off on your return to work, stating that so long as you kept up with your weekly appointments for the foreseeable future she had no reason to believe you couldn’t perform your job to the fullest extent of your capabilities, but your physical therapist wasn’t as lenient. Heather was incredible, she had worked with every single one of your patients who required the extra step in their healing process and you loved her then, but this was now… and now she was the only person standing in between you and a scalpel. 

Her conditions were clear, you needed to be at a two or lower, with no pain management medication… and you were holding steady at a four. Which, to you wasn’t much, and you regretted uttering the number as soon as you did but now it was out there, and Heather knew when you were bullshitting her. There was nothing to do but do your exercises, attend your twice-weekly appointments and wait… and waiting was not something you were good at.

The house had been organized top to bottom three times, along with yours and Jake’s closets (you’d made some executive decisions on his behalf that you were still arguing about), and you’d finally acquired and hung art all throughout your home. This was good, all things you’d been meaning to get done before everything changed but never had the time to do, and you were glad to have checked them off your list but you didn’t want to be here. You’d finally finished your home and turned it into what you’d always dreamed of but it felt more suffocating than relaxing when you couldn’t leave.

And you could, but what would you do? You’d been to the beach more times in the past two months than you had since moving to San Diego, you’d taken up residence at Penny’s bar and damn near annoyed her into not opening before five ever again, you’d visited all the museums and touristy things you’d never gotten around to, and now you were officially bored. Mind numbingly, insanity inducingly bored. Jake had offered to take some leave and stay home with you but you’d assured him that if you were both stuck together in the house unable to do what you lived for it might threaten your marriage, and you couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else.

You simply wanted to work. You wanted to get back into the swing of things and truly return to your life but you couldn’t. You were thoroughly stuck, and you had no idea how to move through it. Up until now there hadn’t been a single obstacle placed in your path that you hadn’t blown past, and it was driving you mad that there wasn’t a damn thing you could do right now. The only thing in your control anymore was doing your stupid exercises every day, and praying to anything or anyone that would listen to make your body comply with Heather’s stupid rules. There wasn’t even anyone you could talk to that understood your job because they always said the same thing. You know better than anyone how important recovery is post-surgery and how long it can take, it’ll happen when it happens.

“Sparkling water,” Bob said softly as he placed a glass in your hand and you gave him a grateful smile. “How’s it feeling today?���

“Still the same,” you answered and he nodded, very clearly trying to keep the sympathy off his face and you appreciated the effort. It was Friday night drinks and at least one upside to your house arrest was you hadn’t missed a single one in weeks. When you were working it was normal for you to attend maybe once a month, if you were lucky. 

“Hey, perk up over there,” Bradley yelled at you from the pool table and you turned towards him with a slightly confused and slightly annoyed face. “You’re next and I don’t want you souring up the whole place.” 

You let out a laugh, “I’ll sour it up if I damn well please,” you shot back, but you wouldn’t. You hadn’t, you’d kept your mood light and jovial any time you did group outings because you knew they all worried. They had the same love and passion for their jobs as you did, and if they’d been benched for even half as long as you were they’d lose it entirely, and you knew they were kind of waiting for you to snap.

Jake ran into the bar a few minutes later, slightly sweaty and still in his flight suit and you slowly swiveled in your chair as you looked him up and down, not even attempting to hide your thoughts as you sipped your water through the straw. “Hey sweetheart, sorry I’m late,” he huffed out, pressing a kiss to your lips that you reciprocated before pushing him backwards. His arms were particularly massive in this moment and based on his appearance and the fact he didn’t bother to change, you figured Maverick had him do push-ups for some infraction in the air… and you’d never been so pleased to have a rule-breaking husband.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, confused as to why you put a hand on his chest when he tried to step back into you but his concern turned into a full-blown smirk when he realized your eyes hadn’t left his arms. “We’re in public,” he said, almost chastising, but you just shrugged.

“And?” you replied, reaching out and gripping the firm muscle before pulling him back into you for another kiss, letting your hands roam freely over his arms. “What’d you do to piss off Mav?”

“What didn’t he do?” Natasha muttered and you chuckled. 

“You know what? I don’t really care,” you said. “Do it again on Monday,” you added and Jake laughed, kissing your temple.

“Honey, if you want me to do push-ups for you, all you have to do is ask.” His smirk wasn’t going anywhere, and his eyes were a little dark as he looked down at you and it took everything in you not to ask him to drop and give you fifty right in this moment.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you decided to reply and he gave you a kiss on the forehead before going to get himself a beer. You chatted with Bob and Mickey about the exercise they’d done and they filled you in on what Jake had done while you laughed in disbelief. You knew your husband was good, but you sometimes wondered how the hell he was still around, in a general sense and in the Navy.

“Eliza!” you shouted when you spotted her fiery locks approaching and you grabbed her by the shoulders, “tell me everything.”

She chuckled, looking between you and Bradley, who had been moving to greet his girlfriend before you intercepted. “Uh, hello to you too.”

“Yeah, hi,” you dismissed. “Tell me everything,” you repeated and she just gave you a look before kissing Bradley and settling under his arm.

“Everything is exactly the same as the last time you asked me to tell you everything,” she replied and you huffed. “Patients are patients, attendings are attendings, and the walls are still standing.”

“Oh? Nothing about a Dr. Phillips from Baylor?” you asked pointedly and her eyes widened as she looked up at Bradley accusingly.

“I didn’t say anything!” 

“Why don’t I believe that?”

“He didn’t,” you interjected, “Dr. Stevens called me particularly distressed today about a patient and actually begged me to come down and do something.”

“God damn it,” she groaned and you just raised your eyebrows expectantly. “Look, the new guys an ass but I’m handling it.”

“Unbelievable,” you muttered. “I’ve got some hack in my ER terrorizing my residents and I still cannot get cleared to come back.”

“We’re managing, and we’ll continue to manage until you get back… whenever that is. There isn’t any rush,” she said and you suddenly felt like crying, and to push past that feeling you went down to the bar and ordered yourself a drink, something you’d done very infrequently since returning home. It wasn’t that you couldn’t, your mind had just been a little preoccupied but a little liquid numbing didn’t sound like the worst thing in the world right now.

You took your glass and wandered out onto the beach, picking a spot far enough away from the bar to be free of its noise, and sipped as you stared out at the ocean. You felt completely out of control and powerless, something you’d only truly felt while you were gone, on the other side of the world. With each passing day you felt those same feelings starting to arise and trigger flashbacks, unpleasant sights and sounds you wanted to keep in the past.

You’d spoken about everything that happened at great length with your therapist and you had worked to process it all and figure out how to move forward, but that plan included going back to work. You felt like she truly understood you and how your brain worked, and she understood that the best thing for you in this moment was picking up a scalpel and doing what you do best… but your arm would not cooperate and you, somewhat pathetically, glared at the scar on your bicep.

“What are you doing out here?” Jake asked, plopping down next to you and noticing the way you nearly jumped out of your skin, “hey, I’m sorry… it’s just me,” he said softly, eyeing your expression before putting an arm around your waist. “What’s going on?”

“Having a bad moment,” you replied and he nodded. You didn’t have them often, but when you did Jake always felt incredibly unsure of how to handle it. While you’d talked at length with your therapist about what happened, he got the bare minimum. You didn’t want to worry him, and he didn’t want to push you too far which put the two of you in a bit of an awkward situation when the bad moments came up.

“Was it what Eliza said? I know this is hard but you know better than anyone that these things just take time.”

“Please don’t,” you sighed and he gave you a confused look. “If someone tells me I know better one more time I might actually snap,” you explained. “I just… There isn’t anything for me to do and I don’t know how to just do nothing. I don’t know how to do this… I can’t do this.”

“Hey,” he said, tilting your head towards him and brushing the hair away from your face. “I know this sucks, and I wish I could fix it for you, but… there isn’t anything you can’t do, sweetheart.”

“I couldn’t save them,” you said, with a surprising lack of emotion in your tone as you gazed outwards and Jake was taken aback by the sudden admission, but he didn’t show it. “I couldn’t. Protocol was for me to get to safety… but, I went to the command center anyway, I saw what happened, and there wasn’t anything I could do but hide.” You paused for a moment. “You know, I never had to worry about it. About all the other stuff, I always had a soldier flanking me, watching my back… but it was just me, and what I had wasn’t enough, but it didn’t matter anyway because when I thought it was over and tried to help who I could I still got caught.”

Jake’s eyes were wide as he listened and you finally turned to face him, “I never had to worry about it before. I took an oath, Jake. I took an oath to save people. Some would argue I did the right thing, but I took an oath to do no harm and did the exact opposite, and what was it worth? I couldn’t save anyone.” You looked back out over the water and Jake felt like he was underneath the waves crashing just a handful of yards away, processing what you had just told him and figuring out how to respond. 

You had taken a life, and maybe if you were showing even an ounce of emotion Jake would have known what to say. He would have been able to read that emotion to figure out what you needed, but there wasn’t any. You were still, and calm. He didn’t even know if his own experience on the matter would be relevant enough to help you. He had two confirmed air-to-air kills. He had taken lives, too… but from a distance. There was a layer of separation between him and what he did.

“J, you didn’t do anything wrong-”

“That’s not the point,” you cut him off, but your voice was soft, almost gentle. “I know I didn’t do anything wrong, I did exactly what I was told to. My life was prioritized because of my ability to save others, so I prioritized myself just like they told me to… and it wasn’t worth a damn because I still couldn’t save anyone.” Silence lingered for a long moment before you spoke again. “This isn’t… I was prepared for losing people, this isn’t about that, it’s… helpless. Since the moment I saw what was happening from behind the command center I have felt completely and utterly out of control. I couldn’t do what I was meant to do then and I can’t do what I’m meant to do now. All I can do is wait and I can’t really do that either,” you chuckled humorlessly. “There’s a lot I can’t do, Jake.”

“Come here,” he whispered, tugging you into his lap and you leaned against his chest as you kept your focus on the water. “You will get back to doing what you were meant to. I know it’s taking longer than you want and I am so sorry, but rushing things could leave you worse off than you are now. Your body needs time.”

“Time is overrated,” you replied and he laughed softly, his body shaking you against him. “I’m tired of feeling out of control.”

“So, let’s focus on what we can control, yeah?” he asked and you nodded half-heartedly. “We can do your exercises every night, we’ll keep giving our friends suture covered bananas, and maybe we can find a way to make the most of this time off… we could go on a little road trip?”

“That sounds nice,” you hummed. “Maybe Palm Springs, or Joshua Tree,” you suggested.

“Hell, let’s do both,” he replied and you laughed. “You can come to work with me next week too, we have a bunch of different simulators and things… could help with regaining dexterity and strength.”

“You just want to show off your skills,” you teased.

“Yeah, maybe I do,” he chuckled. “It still might help… and it’s something we can control.”

“Will Maverick be okay with it?” 

“Honey, Maverick will be showing off for you way more than anyone else,” he replied and you let out a laugh. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I just wish they’d let me do an appy, at the very least.”

“You hate appys,” he laughed and you shrugged.

“Desperate times,” you sighed, twisting around in his lap. “I love you, you know that?”

“Well,” he said, already leaning into the dramatics, “I’d sure hope so.” 

You scrunched your nose at him, “you know what? I take it back,” you said and his jaw dropped. “You’re too arrogant,” you added, standing and you suddenly regretted even teasing him because now he was standing too, and chasing you. “Wait, no!” you yelled, trying to dodge him and your laughter echoed all along the beach as you ducked under his out-stretched arms.

“Wow, aren’t you supposed to be like… super fit or something?” you asked, hand on your hip a good few yards away. 

“Oh, you’re just asking for it now,” he laughed, lunging for you again and this time he got you… and miscalculated and sent both of you tumbling into the oncoming waves. The water was freezing and it took you both a minute to figure out which way was up, and when Jake finally broke the surface he heard his favorite sound in the world… your bright, almost maniacal laughter. 

“You are such an idiot!” you screeched, clinging onto him as the waves bobbed you along and he didn’t have a response, too caught up in staring down at your face as he carefully moved the now wet hair out of your eyes… and you forgot to be pretend-mad at him because he was giving you your favorite look in the world. The one that told you he loved you way more than he could ever try to verbally express. You leaned up to press your lips against his and let yourself get lost in the moment, lost in the feeling of him and the gentle sway of the ocean and the fact that while so much was out of your control, there was a lot that wasn’t and that’s all you needed to focus on. 

You let him tug you out of the water when the cold became a little too much to ignore and as you trudged onto the sand you let out a gasp when you realized your toes were sinking directly into the earth, “my sandals!” you yelled, turning and looking back at the ocean as if they’d just be floating there on top for you to pluck out… and of course, they weren’t. 

Jake tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t help himself, “you look adorable,” he said, and you looked down at yourself. Your jeans were completely soaked and clinging to your legs awkwardly, and your white button-up looked frumpy as water dripped from the hem… and you had no shoes. 

“Yeah, well you don’t look much better,” you pointed out, trying to wring out your shirt as you walked back towards the bar. His flight suit was still hanging around his hips, the sleeves in desperate need of a re-tie and his white tank top may as well have not been there at all. Frankly, he did look much better as he tried to shake the water out of his hair with his fingers, but you didn’t want to admit that to him. Not when you had no shoes. 

“I just littered,” you mumbled as Jake pulled the door open for you. “I just littered in the fucking ocean.” 

“Hey, you have all this free time now… we’ll sign you up for some beach clean up to off-set the damage,” he replied and you rolled your eyes.

“Sorry, did we not get the memo for the wet t-shirt contest?” Javy asked, looking at the pair of you skeptically. 

“Ha ha,” you said sarcastically. 

“Huh… pink lace,” Bradley said and your eyes widened, as you looked down at your shirt. “Not what I would have pictured for you, Seresin,” he added and Eliza stifled a laugh while Jake punched him in the arm. 

“You think that’s funny?” you asked, taking a step towards him and he put his hands up in surrender.

“No,” he said quickly. “Incredibly not funny, I didn’t-” he tried but it was too late. You launched yourself onto him and clung as tightly as you could, letting the water from your clothes seep onto him for as long as you could as he tried to push you off. 

“Seresins!” you heard, cutting through everyone’s laughter, and you slowly let go of Bradley and turned to see Penny standing with a no-nonsense expression and crossed arms. “You are tracking water all over my bar!” 

“I’m so sorry-”

“That’s our bad, we’ll-”

“Where are your shoes?” She asked, looking down at your bare feet before tossing towels at you that you both caught with sheepish smiles.

“Ocean ate them,” you replied and she shook her head.

“No shirt, no shoes…” she trailed off as she walked behind the bar and put her hand on the bell. 

“Oh come on-”

“Penny, that’s not even on the sign!” you tried but it was no use. The sound of the ringing bell rang throughout the bar and you nodded in defeat as everyone cheered, turning to retrieve your purse from Bob to start up probably the biggest tab you’d ever have at the Hard Deck. 

“Rules are rules,” she said as she took your card and you gave her a half-hearted glare.

“It’s not even a rule,” you shot back and she just smiled as she placed a pair of sneakers on the bar.

“I want them back eventually.”

“Thank you, Penny,” you sighed, returning to the pool table and sliding them on.

“We absolutely deserved that.”

“Yeah,” Jake said, leaning down to give you a kiss. “We absolutely did.”

[whenyouwishuponastar7]

I’m 71k into a fic and it’s plot is basically ‘billy finds his chosen family’ and fluff and shenanigans with some angst but legit it’s just him becoming part of a good family and falling in love for 71k that’s IT and I still have a couple of more pivotal scenes to write and a couple smaller ones before I’m DONE but then it’s really long!!!! I get so nervous about fics that are ‘falling in love is the plot’ ‘chosen family’ etc etc because idk if anyone will enjoy those u_u I’m genuinely so nervous It doesn’t help that I feel like my writing quality has suffered badly through the major health hurdles I’ve had this year. I just want to write steeb and beely and I wish I knew if my shit was worth posting Dropping the modern vamp au at 36k is gonna haunt me lmao I loved that fic but idk I don’t have ST fandom friends to read/cheerlead/(enable) me and it feels lonely llksjlakjf sorry for feelings hours Not that I want to drop 71k+ on someone to read in one document haha unless...?? n e ways this is what I’ve been doing for a couple of weeks!! I hope everyone is doing ok this here october 🎃

[heavyhitterheaux]

Don't Believe His Lies

Jessica's Tale as told by @nattinatalia

Heaux Tales of Jack Harlow

I don’t know how it happened, but it did and it was so fast.

I don’t know if it was his blue eyes that pulled me in. His smile probably, or the way he carries himself, But I fell hard and I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same for anybody else.

I met Jack three years ago in San Diego, I was working at a club he was hosting and performing at. I was the bottle girl, yeah how poetic is that? All night long he kept eyeing me and trying to get my attention with little touches here and there whenever I would go up to his section, but I was working so I paid him no mind.

Paying him no attention? That’s an ego killer for a man like him, he’s always confident and so sure of himself. But he loved the chase and so did I. It started with gifts, trips and whispers of sweet words. It went on for about a month until I finally gave in and we’ve been together ever since.

“Babe, I just don’t understand why? We’ve been together for almost two years, why can’t we talk about taking the next step?” You’re straddling his lap, his hands on your waist while he’s looking at his phone.

Jack had arrived in my hometown two hours ago and said he would be staying for the weekend. But I’ve been missing him like crazy, I’ve been moody due to my period and I was just picking fights.

“And what next step is that? We’re together, this apartment is ours, that car in the garage is yours, those gifts I brought with me? All yours, so what next step are you talking about?”

I roll my eyes at his words, “Bro, that’s materialistic things I could care less about. I appreciate the gifts but I’m talking about actually settling down, moving in together. Not what we’re doing now, you come and go every two weeks and it’s not because of your schedule, I see your Instagram stories when you’re back in your hometown with your friends.”

“First of all, don’t call me bro Jessica. Second of all, I told you I’m just not ready to do all of that. What’s the point of moving you to my hometown when I’m about to start my tour and I’ll barely be home. It’s best if you stay here, surrounded by your friends and family.”

I make a face at that so he pulls me in closer “Baby, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that this year I’ll be busy non stop more than ever. I need you to stay here so you don’t feel lonely if I do move you in with me.”

I shrug, “I wouldn’t feel lonely if I met your mom.”

“You’ve met my mom, crazy girl.”

I nod, “You introduced me to her as Urban’s friend, not your girlfriend and it was a five minute conversation.”

“Did I? Well I’m sorry mamas. But stop, come on I’m only here for the weekend and since I walked in you’ve been picking a fight.”

You roll your eyes “And you’ve been on your phone the second you got here. Who are you texting so much?”

“Jessica seriously? It’s work stuff.”

I go to get off his lap but he holds me in place. “I’m just needy, I miss you and I’m in my feelings. I need reassurance about us.”

“Jess, me being here isn’t reassuring enough to you?” He gives me a kiss and squeezes my thighs. “Let’s just enjoy the weekend, let me go to the Mexican restaurant you love so much, two blocks from here and I’ll get food, while you set up here for a movie or shit, I’ll even let you play those two shows you love so much. I have plans for the entire weekend, baby, let’s not ruin it.”

You smile, “You’re willing to watch Sons of Anarchy and Mayans MC with me? Oh that’s love right there.”

He smiles, “I do love your annoying ass.”

“I love you too, now hurry up.” I get off his lap. “Today they close early. Get me an order of tacos de adobada, and a California burrito with a Horchata please.”

He stands up and heads for his keys and wallet “I’ll be quick.” He gives me a quick kiss and walks out the door.

**********

Ten minutes later I’m done setting everything up in the living room when there’s a knock on the door.

I chuckle “Did you lose your keys or what?” I go to open the door thinking it was Jack, but I see no one, I look to both sides and see no one is there, but an envelope on the floor caught my attention.

I go to pick it up and walk back inside and start opening it up.

Nothing could prepare me for what I saw.

Pictures.

Lots of pictures of Jack with different women.

The cherry on top?

This mother fucker is married and with kids.

I don’t know how long I stood there, looking through every picture. Everything was timed and dated so there’s no way these are old, he’s even wearing a chain I got him last year for Christmas in a most recent picture.

Seeing him with all these other women was hard, but what broke me was seeing the pictures of him and his family.

Never in my life did I ever think I’d be or wanted to be a homewrecker, I would never get involved with a married man.

This is how Jack found me, a crying mess in the middle of my living room, pictures scattered all over the coffee table.

“Baby?”

“Jessica, what’s wrong mamas?”

I look up at him. “Do you not see what’s on the table?”

He looks confused and goes to pick up a picture “W-what is this shit? Are you spying on me?”

I stand up and glare at him. “That’s what you have to say? Am I spying on you? Jackman you’re married, fucking married and with beautiful children.”

“Jess-“

I shake my head “No, no fuck you. How can you do this to me? To them? Two years, two fucking years and not only with me, with numerous of women too. How can you do that and go back to your family like nothing?”

“If you just let me explain-“

“Explain what? There’s no explanation to any of this mess. The proof is all there.” I point at the pictures. “I’m not spying on you by the way, that was left on my doorstep.”

“These are old pictures baby, you have to believe me. I love you and I’m here with you.”

I chuckle “Nice try, those are recent. Do you want me to show you the videos that came into my email? Having to watch a glimpse into what I thought you only do with me?”

“Jess baby, let’s sit down and talk about this.”

I shake my head. “No, get out.”

“What?”

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT.” I yell.

“You played me, you played them. This is fucked up in so many ways. Y-you lied to me, you broke me. This is not something we sit down and talk about.”

I’m a crying mess, I feel my heart beating so fast, I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. “Baby, calm down, breathe for me.”

“DO NOT TOUCH ME. GET OUT!!!!”

“Jess”

I look at him then push at his chest, “Leave please. If you have any little respect or love for me like you claim you do. Please leave.” I go to sit down on the couch looking down at my hands.

I hear him walking back and forth between the bedroom and living room. Probably getting his stuff

“I’ll check in on you later, I do love you pretty girl. Never forget that.” He comes towards me and I feel him kiss the top of my head and with that he walks out.

I let more tears out, I get up from the couch and grab the pictures and start ripping every single one of them.

I yell.

I cry.

I break things.

I burn the remaining of the pictures.

I threw his clothes out the balcony.

I cry some more.

I’m broken, I’m hurt.

I loved him.

I thought he was the man I would eventually settle down with, get married and have kids.

But I couldn’t do that with a man who was already married and with kids.

One thing is for sure though, I’m going to make sure the rest of the women know who they’re dealing with.

They don’t deserve this.

His wife doesn’t deserve this.

His kids definitely don’t deserve this.

Your mom was right, when she told you, you don’t fall in love at the club.

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

@raelorns21

@variety-fangirl

@gbaabyyyy

@kamorsstuff

@harlowthot

@sinsandsuccubus

@curlyhairclub

@bootlegroach

@haylexo10

@thinkingaboutjharlow

@fluidsentiment

@charli123456789

@moody4world

@yourstrulymayah

@yana4life

@beanbagbitch

@alinaharlow

@carma-fanficaddict

@minaxcarter

@arination99

@xjup1t3r

@venusvinc

@jacksmoviestar

@jackharloww

@midnight-star47

@minkookie95

@inluvwithladybug

@exoticr0ses

@jharlowsangels

@jackierose902109

@jackmansbabymama

@cmalass

@megawhoree

@softtcurse

@sia2raw

@miniaturehideoutmentality

@hoya122

@nattinatalia

@jackslover12

@skyesthebomb

@jackharlows-world

@louisianalady

@fdl305

@automaticpeachsong

@harlowcomehome

@gassyandsassy1

@babygirlwilly

@amethyst09

@harrycanyonmoonn

@toocriticalharlow

@tattered-tales

@sisiking99

@dessxoxsworld

@gillybear17

@jacksdaycare

@iheartharlow

@disaster-rose

@babyvinnie

@evansxchalamet

@chtkmyharlow​

@itsyagirljaz

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@awhore4moree

[barbiewritesstuff]

Innocent

-- (Title may change) This is different from usual but I thought I would do a sweet Jake x Floyd!OC :) i originally wrote this as a oneshot with a reader character but I think I wrote all the 'you's' out but please tell me if I missed one.

Also, I am flip flopping on this but I think that while Jake is from a family of mainly guys, I do think he had a little sister. On the other hand Bob is absolutely the big brother in a large family

Taglist: @mavswife @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @dempy --

  

Mom and Dad were downstairs, trying to help her move in while she sorted through her boxes and tidied things a little. They weren’t making much progress, if only because her younger siblings kept running around the parking lot when they weren’t looking. She had asked if maybe they could leave the little ones at home but that had earned her such a glare from her father that she had almost immediately forgotten her initial idea.   

There was paperwork to be filled and she had no clue how to do it.   

« You need any help ? » A girl asks

« Sorry, my brother usually helps me with these kinds of things. I’m really clueless when it comes to these » She replied. It wasn’t too much to read and she was pretty sure she just had to sign on page one, three and five but she’d read it over and understood nothing. All in all, not being able to understand move-in-day paperwork was probably not a great sign for her university degree but maybe it was just nerves.   

« Oh, no worries. You can borrow mine, if you want » The girl said, a smile on her face « My name is Cassie »  

« Victoria » she shook the hand the girl held out.  

A man walked in, two large cardboard boxes in his arms. He was tall, blonde and very muscular.  

« Where do you want these Cass ? » He asked, the same southern drawl in his voice that she had heard when her new roommates spoke

« Over there is fine, » Cassie pointed at an empty spot on the floor near her desk « Jake, this is Victoria. Could you help her with the paperwork ? »  

He lowered the boxes down where Cassie wanted them then made his way to her, smiling. Jake towered over her by at least a foot.  

  

« So, where is your brother, then ? '' Cassie asked over a chocolate milkshake a little later in the day. It was just the two of them now, her mom and dad having left almost as soon as the boxes had been unloaded out of the car and with a rushed goodbye.   

« He’s navy. So he’s currently in San Diego, learning to become a WSO »  

« Oh hey ! Jake’s navy too ! He finished Top Gun a few months ago. He graduated top of the class »   

She looked so proud it made Victoria laugh a little.   

« Maybe they know each other ? » She said 

« I don’t think so, Robert isn’t super sociable »  

« Ah… Yeah, Jake thrives on attention » Cassie said

« At least, if they met they’d have something to talk about » Victoria smiled  

She knows she met Cassie about three hours ago, but she really likes her. She’s nice and friendly so far, and Victoria finds out later that she’s competitive and supportive in the best way possible.   

She has won the roommate lottery too, Cassie’s neat and cleans often, there’s never an argument about chores and if Victoria ever can’t afford the launderette fee, Cassie’s more than happy to give her the money and ignore her pleas to let Victoria pay her back (she does though, Cassie keeps her coat by the front door and whenever Victoria gets paid, she slips the money in Cass’ pocket. Victoria’s unsure her friend ever actually noticed)   

It turns out Cassie doesn’t live too far away from college. She admits she only rents a dorm room to get the full college experience and while Victoria thinks it’s a little silly at first, she realises that if she went to university in Wyoming close to home and had the money to do so, she might have done the same.  

Their budding friendship stays its course through the first year of college and after a rocky period during the exam period, it grows stronger for the second year. So much so that Victoria found out Cassie asked her parents for permission to bring you home for christmas. 

She had warned there would be a dress code : ugly Christmas jumpers during the day, and terrible Christmas pyjamas at night. Going shopping for an appropriate outfit had been very fun and very foreign. Christmas at home for Victoria was a much more formal and religious affair. It was almost sombre, the celebration of the birth of their religious symbol almost overshadowed by the sacrifice He had made to save their soul.  

Victoria’s mom and Dad had put up a fight when she asked to stay, but they had relented when they found out that the family budget didn’t allow for a plane ticket. They had made her promise to keep up with daily bible study, morning prayer time and church, which she did, more out of duty than faith.  

Cassie’s parents were nothing like Victoria had imagined. They were filthy rich in an old Texan family kind of way, but she wouldn’t have known just by looking at Cass’ father who insisted on dressing like a cowboy at all times. Cassie’s mother was a tall and thin woman who was always kind in a poisonous kind of way. She could insult someone and probably had, and they would have thanked her for it. And Cassie's siblings, bar Jake whom Victoria had already briefly met, were equally unexpected. The youngest of four children, Cassie and Jake were bubbly and extroverted and while her brothers were all by no means shy, they certainly were quieter and more reserved. Her own shyness would have likely hindered any conversation if it hadn't been for Cassie's niece, a curious toddler, and her mother's urgent need to pee.  

"Hi, I know I don't know you but do you mind looking after her for a second?"  

"Sure" Victoria replied with a smile, uncertain as to why the mother had asked her and not the baby's father or Jake, who were both in the room, but it had seemed like a genuine emergency.  

She played with the girl and tried to speak to her a little, quickly falling back into what Victoria did at home in Wyoming with her younger siblings. From the corner of her eye, she could see Jake watching her like a hawk. He was engaged in conversation with his older brother but managed to follow every single one of her practised movements and words. She played with the child until well after her mother came back and by the time someone else noticed Victoria was too busy babysitting to enjoy any of the conversation and too polite to ask the mother to take her daughter back, it was bedtime for the baby. 

 

The air inside the room was hot and the sunset pretty, so Victoria allowed herself to slide open the French bay windows a little and sit on the back porch to watch the golden sunlight sink into the horizon. Her arms were wrapped around her knees in an effort to keep herself warm. The jumper she had bought had made her overheat inside, but outside it proved to be a very flimsy barrier against the biting wind and general cold.  

« Do you miss home ? »  

Victoria hadn't even noticed Jake sitting next to her. 

« Kinda ? I mean I’d like to see them all again but it’s always so chaotic in the house. This is nice though » She looked back inside, Jake’s brothers were playing a board game with Cassie while sipping on hot chocolates and eating cake. It was so quiet and so calm. It made her feel guilty, but this was the best Christmas she had ever had.   

« Do you have many siblings then ? » He asks  

« Eight, soon to be nine » She said, Jake winced a little « Three sisters and five boys. I’m the oldest girl »  

« I figured. You have a surprisingly ‘big sister’ vibe about you »   

« What’s that supposed to mean ? »   

Victoria is not sure whether to be offended or happy  

« I don’t know, you’re caring. Very good with children… You know… »   

« Yeah… »   

« Do you like college ? » He changed subject, feeling her awkwardness 

« It’s kicking my ass, I’ll be honest but I like it better than the alternative, which is going home and taking care of three children under five and waking up to baby screams »   

Jake nodded 

« Do you like the navy ? » She asked 

« I like flying. I like the structure. I could do without the constant moving, but it is what it is » He takes a sip of his beer only to find that he’s emptied the bottle. He stands up, « Do you want a drink ? »  

« Nothing alcoholic, please »  

« We have coke » He says and she hesitates, sugar this close to bedtime is never a good idea « It’s got Santa on the label »  

« Well, you’ve sold it. I’ll take a coke please »  

When Jake came back, it was with a coke, a matching glass and a coat. She wasn't sure who it belonged to, because it certainly isn’t hers or Cassie’s but it was warm and comfortable. She slipped her arms through the sleeves. They make her feel like a kid, trying on her parents’ clothes and being dwarfed by the amount of fabric. She giggled.  

« You having fun there ? » He asked as she flapped the arms about  

« Whose coat is this ? »  

« Mine »   

« It’s comfy »  

« Every class at Top Gun gets them at graduation, your brother will get one »  

She looked at the coat, its brown leather emblazoned with patches of his callsign and the Top Gun logo  

« Hangman » Victoria said, a smirk on her face. She looked him up and down as though she was trying to figure out if it suited him. He chuckled a little. « Yeah, I think it suits you »  

« Well, now you approve, I’ll go ahead and embroider it in the rest of my stuff » He laughs  « I never actually asked, what are you studying ? »  

«Oh, err, Psychology » She replied 

« Didn’t follow your brother’s footsteps then ? »  

« I am so scared of heights. I can’t even stand on a chair »  

« Good to know, if I need to hide anything from you, I’ll just put it slightly out of reach. It’ll be safe there » 

« You are so mean to me »  

The sun was down now, and creatures of the night were starting to call out. Their cries creeped her out so she went back inside, Jake right behind her. Cassie noticed them both coming in and she took Victoria aside in private as soon as she could.  

« Is that Jake’s Top Gun coat ? »  

« Yeah, I was cold »  

« You know no one is allowed to touch that thing, right ? I looked at it wrong one day and he nearly threw me down the stairs » Cassie said with a smile 

« Ah, well, maybe he took pity on me, all alone and far away from home on Christmas »  

Uh huh, Cassie thought, fat chance of that.   

 

 

She was too innocent, Cassie had decided. She had discovered quite a few things about Victoria a few weeks ago after coming home drunk and pestering her sober roommate into playing 20 questions. Admittedly, it had turned more into an interrogation than a game but Victoria didn’t seem to mind too much.  

« Okay, okay… Have you ever … gotten drunk ? »  

« No, I don’t drink »  

« Have you ever dated anyone ? » 

« Err once, but I stopped seeing him when Robert went to basic because there was no one to chaperone me » She replied and Cassie was so shocked by the casual tone of her voice. 

« Chaperone ?! Remind me, how old are you ? » She laughed  

« I told you ! My parents are strict about these kinds of things » 

« I mean I thought you meant like, no fooling around, bedroom door stays open at all times. Not like, chaperoned dates » 

« Oh yeah, I got shouted at for like an hour when I held hands with a boy once. I think I was ten ? »  

« Oh you poor thing ! » 

« It’s fine. It’s not that bad » 

Cassie looked at her incredulously 

« What did they say about Christmas ? » 

Victoria shrugged in a ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ kind of way. She had made that phone call that evening, picking a night where roommate wasn’t home and Cassie now guessed Victoria had done it on purpose to avoid her hearing the shouting that had ensued. 

« Are you going to be okay ? I mean it’ll be different » 

« I think different might be good »  

And different did seem to be good, because Victoria had attended every Christmas they threw since, and even though her mother pretended to be apprehensive about their guest, Cassie knew that the gigantic stocking with Victoria’s name on it hadn’t just appeared one day. 

This was the fifth Christmas Victoria attended and the second one she was celebrating with Jake and she seemed to be having fun so far.

« Hey, Victoria, I’m going riding with Matt and Elisabeth. Are you okay to watch Jane ? » Her mom had asked. Cassie was never picked for babysitting duties because she didn’t have the patience to deal with her niece, but she didn’t understand why Victoria kept getting asked when Jake was right there.  

« Hey, I’m here too. I can babysit » Jake spoke up before she could.  

« Oh, she doesn’t mind » 

« Mom, did you even ask ? » Jake said, mom mumbled something and Matt rolled his eyes. 

« Do you mind babysitting, Victoria » He asked, making an effort to convey he thought this was a completely stupid discussion to have 

« I don’t mind » she lied. She did mind. Cassie and one of her other brothers were icing Christmas cookies, it looked fun and she had planned to join them.  

« See, Jake, don’t be so sexist. She’s a big girl, she can speak up if it bothers her »  

Jake almost laughed at the irony.  

Matt, Elisabeth and his mom left for the barn and Victoria sat down with Jane to play. He nudged her with his foot. 

« I’ll watch her, don’t worry. Go make your cookies » He winked at her. 

Cassie saw her friend stand up and smile. Next to her, Mike busied himself with a piping bag 

« So, what are we betting ? » Mike whispered, bent over the cookies, with his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth. 

« Huh ? » Cassie asked

« I say they don’t realise they’re in love and it takes them three years to get together » 

« I say they’re together by next Christmas » Cassie replied, well aware that she would do anything in her power not to lose her bet. 

[knoxsunday]

Crash Into You | Chapter Six

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x OC Female Character

Summary: Jess hides from her feelings, which is hard to do when Bradley is the best at being there for her.

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: smut (18+ content), angst, panic attack, swearing

A/N: a little spice, a little fluff, a hurt/comfort before things hit the proverbial fan between these two.

Thank you for reading ❤️

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six

The smell of petrichor wakes me. It's been months since I've been greeted by the coming of rain with San Diego being one of the sunniest places I've ever lived. I listen to the pitter patter as the rain drops pick up their pace. A cool breeze rolls through the open windows, salty and earthy. I exhale with a hum. Next to me Bradley buries his face further into the pillow, his left arm tightening around my waist to draw me closer. He sleeps like he wants to melt into whatever he's on, be it the bed, pillow, my chest or crook of my neck. Perhaps it's from years of passing out bone tired from long hours training or teaching. A nose dive into coveted sleep.

"Mmmrain," his groggy rumble is muffled by the pillow. His morning voice would have made my knees buckle had I been standing.

I whisper through a grin, "Great, isn't it?" 

Bradley lifts his head, blinks slowly, lost for a moment as sleep still grips his consciousness. There's creases from the pillow lining his face. 

"Wow." He finally says. "You're even prettier in the morning."

"Were you expecting a gremlin or something?"

"Kinda, yeah," Bradley stretches, letting the bed sheets slide down his torso, exposing his tanned skin.

"You're a jerk," I roll my eyes.

"And you are naked," Bradley pulls the blanket off us to kiss my neck and collar bone. He palms my breast, rolling his thumb over the bud of my already pert nipple from the sudden exposure to cold air. His cock hardens against my thigh. 

"Morning sex and rain," I arch into his kiss on my sternum. "Lucky me."

"Lucky me," Bradley echos into my skin. 

My fingers trace his abdominal muscles which flex under my passing touch, take a teasing detour down the V near his hip bone, then on to the subtle happy trail going south to grasp his cock and lazily stroke him. I watch his mouth fall slack and eyes roll back. He's more vocal than last night and it's doing things to me. I rub my thighs together, already wet from anticipation of what comes next. Flipping us so I'm on top, I slowly sink down onto his cock, both of us groaning as I seat myself to his hilt.

"Good morning," I sigh. I feel filled to almost bursting. Why haven't we been doing this the whole time?

"Morning." He replies, reverent. I start to move up and down his thick length, shifting my hips so my clit rubs against his pubic bone. Bradley reaches up and pulls the tie out of my hair. Thick fingers start at my temple, card through my long strands and rest at the base of my skull. A light tug near the roots of my hair makes a breathy moan escape my throat. 

"That's my girl," Bradley whispers.

Morning sex with Bradley is unhurried. It's not the running late but fuck it, lets get off one more time before we go our separate ways sort of morning sex. He takes his time. My own movements are slow, sleepy. My body hums awake, responding to every point of contact between us. Thunder rolls in the distance and I blissfully whimper when Bradley slides his hand between where we meet and circles his thumb around my clit. His other hand has a gentle but firm grip at my hip, holding me steady as I ride him.  In the haze of a building orgasm I tell him this is better than any cup of coffee.

"I'd hope so," Bradley chuckles and thrusts up into me, sending me over the edge. My walls grasp greedily around his cock as the euphoric wave passes and I have to prop my hand on the headboard to keep from falling over. Bradley sits up and kisses me deeply as I come back down, rolling his hips into me gently.  I want him. All of him.

"Cum for me, Bradley," I whisper and lightly lick the shell of his ear. Bradley lets loose a rough  growl-like sound and thrusts harder into me.

"Fuck," he groans as he climaxes, his cock pulsing deliciously inside me. 

I slide off him after our breathing returns to somewhat normal and sit back. Heads bent together, we look down between us at the sticky, wet mess starting to run down my thighs.

"Jess, baby," he says, dragging a finger through the wet on my leg. "I think I really like seeing my cum leaking out of you. Probably the hottest thing I've ever seen." 

I take his hand and slowly drag his finger over my tongue, giving it a light suck for good measure. I can taste myself and him -a little salty, a little bitter.  

"I take that back," Bradley whispers, eyes a bit glazed and darkened. "That was."

Bradley is standing in my kitchen in nothing but his black boxer briefs with a mug of coffee steaming away in his hand. 

Bradley is standing in my kitchen after we had sex. Twice.

College Jess would be scandalized. Or would she? Maybe now isn't the time to overanalyze things. Not when I have a handsome man looking at me like that. Warm and fond and sweet.

"What?"

"Your staring habit is back," Bradley teases.

I deflect and point at the coffee. "Make enough for two?"

"Yes, you monster," Bradley shakes his head and hands me his mug.

"Ew, I don't want yours."

"You had your tongue practically down my throat less than 10 minutes ago but you draw the line at sharing a mug?"

"When you put it like that," I mumble and take the mug. This feels…too intimate somehow. Add that to the list of things to overanalyze later.

"You alright?" Bradley asks, eyes roving my face.

I finally muster up a truth of sorts. "It's weird you're here."

"Bad-weird?"

"Not bad," I say slowly, momentarily distracted by the grey morning light making the subtle lighter brown tones of his hair shine. "I could get used to it."

I make a simple breakfast of toast and eggs while Bradley showers. We eat in the kitchen. It's all positively domestic. He asks me about med school, mostly curious if I managed to kill anyone as an intern. Everyone asks that question at some point. I didn't, I inform him triumphantly, but that didn't mean people didn't die on my watch. The trauma rotation was the hardest because some people come in already at death's door and there's very little the doctors can do. Those stick with you, even years later. 

Bradley's phone buzzes for the sixth time since we sat down to eat. He glances at it and rolls his eyes. 

"If you need to get going," I prompt. Eventually we need to part. This daydream can't last forever.

"It's just Hangman," he says. "We usually hit the gym in the mornings."

He tilts his phone to me and I catch a glimpse of the last three chat bubbles from Hangman.

Answer your phone dickhead

You lazy turd I'll pick you up in 30

I have an air horn to blast your ass out of bed. I will use it.

"Even on your days off?" I'll run when I feel like it but I wouldn't be caught exercising on a day meant for sleep and resetting the internal clock. This last assignment had us almost eleven hours ahead of pacific standard time. I'm impressed I'm even coherent enough to function. Sex-induced sleep works wonders.

"These muscles didn't happen overnight, sweetheart," he flexes and I laugh despite myself when he kisses both his biceps with two loud smacks.

"Oh my god, you did not just do that."

"You liked it."

"The macho male bravado thing doesn't do it for me."

"Something about me does it for you," Bradley grins knowingly. 

"A scientific mystery," I say and take our plates to the sink. 

I'm entertaining the idea of inviting him to stay the rest of the day to…hangout? We both have nowhere to be if Bradley intends to ignore Hangman's texts/threats. Another round between the sheets (or shit, I'd settle for the kitchen table) sounds like the best use of a rainy day. And I'm clearly not over this chemistry or whatever between us. I feel like a horny teenager. A dam has been unlocked and I can't seem to reel in this constant want for him. There's something else, too. Something simmering at the bottom of all the sex and comfortable conversation. 

You like him, Jess. Being with him. You just don't want to admit it.

Bradley pins me in at the sink, broad chest warming my back, and kisses my cheek. I twist to look at him silently hoping I don't look as conflicted as I feel. A meaningless night if sex is turning into cute, couple-y morning. This was not part of the plan.

"I'm going to head out," Bradley informs me and captures my mouth for a long, deep kiss. 

"Bye," I croak into his lips.

"Bye darlin'." 

That weak in the knees feeling comes back and I grip the sink for purchase.

Shit shit shit.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm in a supply closet. My heart feels like it's going to pound its way out of my chest and into my lap. I'm supposed to be outside on the tarmac to fly with Hangman for my monthly routine ride along. I got suited up without a second thought not two hours ago. But as I made my way out of the debrief room with Hangman and a few other, older instructors, my thoughts took a hard left turn into the last time I was in an F18. Alarms, fire, overwhelming and impending sense of doom. For a brief second I was back in the cockpit of that plane in a free fall. I feel cold and sweaty at the same time and suddenly this flight suit and everything feels too tight, too heavy.

My legs kick into autopilot and take me to the nearest escape, the nearest door I can find. It just happened to be a supply closet. Fitting, really. I used to hide in hospital supply closets all the time when things got too overwhelming. Sometimes for a brief cry after a frustrating case. But never to panic. The panic attack is new. Or at least I think it's a panic attack. All the signs are there, my logical part of my brain reminds me. I suck in air in small gulps and sink to the floor. I want to cry but no tears fall. I hear the muffled voices of people walking by. I throw off the vest of flight equipment and unzip the flight suit, frantically shimming out of the arms to let the top half pool at my waist. My t-shirt is damp with sweat and clinging on to my torso.

Breathe in, breathe out. 

"I saw her go this way."

"That's a closet, you dumbass," I hear just outside of the door. I register the door opening and light flooding my vision but I can't bring myself to look up from my spot on the floor.

"Lucky guess," Hangman says.

"Jess?" Rooster says. The marked note of concern drags me away for a moment and I wave weakly.

"I'll, uh, tell Bob and Phoenix we've found the doc," Hangman says. I hear footsteps retreat down the hall and the door closes. A heavy thud of a body next to me.

"Cozy," Rooster's voice drifts in the darkness.

"Any port in a storm," I manage, voice thin and shaky. Rooster stiffens then shifts next to me.

"You okay?"

"Yes."

"Liar," Rooster fires back gently. "No okay person hides in a closet."

"I'm having a panic attack." I flex my fingers and wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs. "This was the first place I could find to, well, panic."

"Any port in a storm," Rooster echos.

We sit there in the dark, me with my head between my legs and Rooster…well I don't know what he's doing because I can't really see much beyond my nose. I match my breathing with his steady ones and the tension in my shoulders starts to ease.

"You know, after George Clooney left ER the show kind of went downhill," Rooster says. 

My head snaps up. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you take away such great talent like Clooney and it just wasn't the same."

"You are so wrong," I twist and our knees bump. "George Clooney's character, while great, was more of a feature role and second of all, Anthony Edwards carries the show on his back but when he-"

Rooster's low, poorly restrained chuckles cause me to pause. 

"You said that to wind me up."

"A little, yeah." I can tell he's smiling. "Just needed to make sure you're still with me, that's all.

"Have you ever seen any episodes?"

"No, but I looked up some synopsis the other day," Rooster sighs. "15 seasons is hell of a commitment."

"The show actually goes downhill after Anthony Edwards leaves in the eighth season."

"Always gotta win the argument," Rooster laughs.

"Always." I lean into his side and slump. All of my energy has evaporated.

"I started thinking about the last time," I say and nuzzle into his shoulder. He smells like soap, fabric softener, and Bradley.

"It's hard to get back out there," Bradley's chin rests lightly on my head. "You don't have to go today."

"I will eventually." I add, "Kind of part of the flight surgeon thing."

"But not today," Bradley says. "And that's okay."

"I don't like feeling weak," I admit. It seems so easy to say these things in the dark. Maybe that's why confessional rooms are always so dim.

"You aren't weak. Annoyingly bullheaded. But not weak, Harris."

"But-"

"No one will care if you go up tomorrow or next month," he says gently. "If anything, this is the most understanding group. The Daggers have all gone through some shit at some point that made us think twice about getting back in that box again."

"Even you? When?"

Bradley lets out a long stream of air.

"Um, well. When we flew, actually. Mav always says you fly long enough and you end up losing a wingman. Never really let myself think I could be me and someone in a jet with me.  Let alone…you. Especially now that…"

"Now what?"

"I, uh, well y' know." Bradley clears his throat. "The squad would have my head if I lost their best and favorite doctor."

"Hard to do if we both burned in."

"Phoenix would find a way."

"Favorite doctor, hm?"

"I shouldn't have told you. This closet isn't big enough to inflate your ego too much."

"It's amazing we both fit in here with yours."

"Brat."

"Jerk."

"I think I'm ready to leave now." I push myself to my feet and help Bradley up with a tug on his muscle-corded forearm. We're chest to chest and if it were any other moment we'd probably kiss or something. Isn't that, like, the obvious outcome of two people in a supply closet?

Instead I'm pulled into Bradley for a bear hug. 

"Hugs are kind of your thing, huh," I say into his shoulder. 

"Shhh. You're ruining a nice moment," Bradley chides. "And yes. I'm a hugger. Don't tell anyone."

"Secret's safe with me," I giggle into his neck and wrap my arms around him. He relaxes into me with a kiss at my temple.

The light of the hallway blinds me for a moment. I should feel weird about leaving a small space with a guy and my flight suit half off but the hallway is blessedly empty. But I couldn't care less. I'm sure everyone knows I was having a panic attack in a closet by now. Things like this travel fast and there's no bigger bunch of gossips than pilots.

"I'll find Hangman, let him know he's solo today," Bradley says. 

"Thanks," I nod. "For sitting with me and the… h-u-g."

"Come by my place after work," Bradley says like this is what we do on Tuesdays. "We can eat, talk about the accident or nothing, watch TV or stare at the wall in silence. I'll cook."

"Oh, I-I don't know," I stammer.

"I know for a fact you have nothing in your fridge."

"So?"

"See you at seven, Jess," Bradley rolls his eyes, pats my shoulder and heads down the hall to find Hangman.

It wasn’t hard to find Rooster’s little bungalow three blocks from my house - the baby blue vintage Bronco in the driveway was a dead giveaway. We talk while I cut up green peppers and Rooster browns ground beef for tacos. He listens as I ramble on about what happened before I ended up in a closet, hyperventilating. I tell him I hate going to therapy but Rooster nudges me to go anyway. We argue over the best taco toppings -he forgot the most important ingredient, in my opinion, which is verde salsa. Bradley refuses to let me help clean up, even goes as far as to threaten to physically remove me from the kitchen, so I take that time to snoop. 

His home has all the markings of a person who moves a lot for their career: sparse decorations, closets full of mostly uniforms and half unpacked boxes of odds and ends that get taken from place to place. But it still feels like Bradley's space. From the pile of sneakers and combat boots by the door to the splash of color in his bedroom closet from Bradley's Hawaiian shirt collection. I spot a few patterns I remember seeing back in college. My chest feels tight at the sight of them: a familiar personality quirk of his.

There's a photo in the living room of young, baby faced Bradley and a middle aged Maverick next to a World War Two plane, both squinting in the blazing sun. Next to it is a more recent picture of the two men on an aircraft carrier, sweaty and surrounded by a boisterous crowd, grinning at each other. On the dresser in the bedroom are some receipts, loose change, a worn book about the history of aviation, and a photo of what can only be his parents in the late 80s. Bradley's mom is a knockout blonde wrapped up in the arms of a mustached man that is the splitting image of Bradley. Down to the facial hair.  Or, vice versa, really. His parents look happy and utterly in love.

We can't decide on something to watch and I'm all talked out for the night so we end up having sex on his couch. It wasn't what was intended for the night, we insist to other several times between kisses. 

"I really did just want to talk," Bradley says and removes my shirt.

"I know." I toss his shirt behind me.

"This wasn't how I envisioned the night going. Like, at all."

"Of course not," I run my tongue up his bare chest.  "But since we're here…"

I don't stay over because I have an early shift at the clinic. It sounds like a cliche excuse and I hate using it despite it being the truth. It is my turn to do the 5am shifts this week and I'd rather not have to get up extra early to get a change of clothes from my home. Bradley puts up a pout-riddled protest as I dress, insisting I stay anyway. 

"My bed's very comfortable."

"So's mine," I say, looking for my shoes.

"I'll make breakfast."

"Bradley."

"Jess."

"Shut your mouth."

He sighs melodramatically as pulls on his boxer briefs. "Can't even tempt you with my cooking skills." 

"Anyone can make tacos," I say. 

"What if we go another round and I can put my mouth to good use," he says and snatches my other shoe away. "Would you stay?"

"Tempting," I reach for my shoe but he holds it over my head. "But rain check."

"Your strong will has always amazed me," Bradley says.

"And your vertical advantage is annoying me."

Bradley's boyish grin makes my heart skip. He hands me my shoe after a peck on my cheek.

"I'm glad you came over."

"Same."

He walks me to the door. "I liked having you over. Even before the couch stuff."

An odd feeling seeps in as he pulls me into a long, warm hug. We blew past friends right into…something else. As for clearing the sexual tension between us, that has yet to dissipate if tonight was any indication. It feels like something more than just sex. I know how I got here but what is this for Bradley? 

A smarter person would ask. I am not that person, not tonight anyway.

Coward.

_________

Tag List

@mak-32

[yesokaythatsfine69]

Man, That's Deep (Corpse Husband x reader)

Description: Y/n meets Corpse for the first time during a stream of Among Us. Things get a little chaotic from there.

Character(s): Corpse, Jacksepticeye (Sean), PewDiePie (Felix), Valkyrae (Rae), Ken, Disguised Toast (Toast)

Pov: 3rd person

Warning(s): cussing but besides that nah just a bunch of sweet stuff :)

A/n: hello! So I've recently hopped into the whole infatuation with Corpse thing, (it's kinda hard not to.) Thus I decided to write this. Hope you like it!

*none of the Gifs used are mine. Full credit goes to the maker.

A loud blast of thunder pounded the ground near y/n's house causing her to frown. Storms often rattled her, especially because she lived alone and dedicated a majority of her time to streaming and playing pretty frightening games. She tapped on her headphones and leaned back into her chair. Her eyes flashed to her server.

Is it storming here you're at?

"Yeah it's pouring down outside. Maybe it's a good time to play something else... something less terrifying." She ended the game and began to search for something else to stream.

"Any suggestions?" She asked the chat, scrolling through possibilities. Before she could pick, however, her phone buzzed. Reaching over, she picked up the device and checked it's screen. "Hold on, I got a message from Sean. Do you guys wanna watch me play some among us?"

She checked the chat. The responses were ones of excitement, as y/n rarely played among us let alone with the group that Sean played with but everytime y/n and Sean played something together things got interesting, considering how competitive the two were. Her eyes paused at a comment.

Will Corpse be there!?

She sat back in her chair, turning towards her computer. "Uhmm...I don't know actually. All I know is that they need a tenth person and I need a game to play that takes my attention away from this storm..." She began typing in the code.

"Although I've never played with him before nor have I talked to him. However-" she paused before pressing enter. "I do think it'd be cool to talk to him because he seems so kind...okay, I'm in."

She turned on the discord and unmuted, and almost instantly she was thrown into chaos. "She killed right in front of you, Felix!" Y/n's eyes widened and she looked into her camera. "Hey guys." She laughed, turning back to the game.

"Y/n!" Sean said cheerfully, ending whatever was left over from the previous game. A chorus of "y/n's" followed, until a deep baritone voice broke through. "Hello, y/n." She smiled softly at the sound, it being almost prettier than she had imagined. "It's nice to meet you guys."

"Oh yeah, y/n, I forgot you and Corpse haven't met before." Sean spoke as he changed the color of his among us character. "I've been wanting to meet you actually before this but Sean refused to give me your number." Corpse said, and y/n snorted as Sean made a gasping sound.

"That's not even-" "you know that's funny Corpse because I've been wanting to meet you too but Sean told me you didn't have phone." Y/n joined in and the group laughed. "Fuck off." Was all Sean could mumble before the game started and the screen flashed black.

Immediately muting, y/n smiled to herself. "His voice way deeper than I thought it would be. He was talking and I was like...man, that's deep." She giggled when Suddenly imposter flashed on her screen.

She bit her lip when she saw who it was with. Corpse. Their characters then fell into Mira hq, and y/n followed a group up into admin. Waiting for the bar to move until she was able to leave, and when she did she left with Felix and toast, following them into medbay.

The three entered, each going to a separate station. "So, I'm gonna kill toast first, but I gotta get these lights off first." She winked at the camera, before waiting until Rae and sykkuno also entered. Then she shut off the lights and killed. The group seemed to miss it as they hurried to turn the lights back on.

After getting the lights on, she made her way to decontamination, where she saw corpse. He had apparently been waiting for her, and they unmuted mics to speak.

"How's it going?" She laughed. "It's going. Did you need some protection?" It was Corpse's turn to laugh. "From who, we're both imposters?" They shared a laugh. "Oh my God, I killed toast like twenty minutes ago and they still haven't found him."

Corpse laughed again and y/n became dedicated to pulling that sound from his lips as much as she could. "I'll admit, they're a little slow."

Then, both Sean and Felix entered. Without uttering a word and almost in complete synchronization they double killed. Y/n giggled as they escaped, putting herself back on mute.

"This is so much fun! I love killing my friends!" Finally as she spoke that someone has found toasts body. "Medbay." Rae's cartoonish voice relayed. "Oh my, there's like five people dead." It was true, there were like five people dead. Corpse had found the time to kill two others before the double kill.

"I think- I think that it may be y/n." Sykkuno said, and y/n immediately sat up. "Why? I was in medbay with you and left before you did. Actually I think that was the last time I saw toast, was with you in medbay."

"Yeah and I've seen y/n a lot in the game. I haven't seen you sykkuno." Corpse said, coming to y/n's aid. Her cheeks reddened when he said her name. "Yeah, and you seem almost too trusting." Rae said.

Y/n smiled. "I'm voting Sykkuno. I'm not sure who the other one is, though." The four argued slightly and y/n muted. "Corpse...is so good."

She turned to the server, seeing everyone thoughts.

Wow y/n and corpse r so cute

Her cheeks reddened.

I think someone may be crushin 👀

"Guys, come on! I have just met him!" However her words were just a feeble attempt and she turned back to the game. Sykkuno was the last to vote, voting for himself.

With that, they won. Who knew how satisfying the word victory in big red letters could be. They arrived back into the lobby, where Sean immediately let them have it. "My own best friend! My own. Best. Friend. Killing me. In cold blood."

"if you don't want me to kill you play better!" Y/n jokingly shouted back. "Besides y/n and I are best friends now." Corpse spoke as he put on a flower which matched the one y/n's among us character wore.

"All I'm gonna say is that I knew her before all of you." Rae said, adding to the chaos. Y/n laughed and turned to her server.

Ooohhh are they fighting over you?

She rolled her eyes and returned to the chat. "Everytime we play with someone new you do this." Felix was complaining, also changing into the flower y/n wore.

Finally the new game was started and y/n got crew mate. It wasn't as exciting and she couldn't talk to corpse now, but it was still fun.

She got a few tasks done, and from the corner of her eye she saw toast and corpse and enter the are she was in, in reactor. "Corpse!" She said a little too excitedly. Recovering quickly she added, "And Toast!"

However part of her doubted her watchers were amused.

The lights turned off. "Damn, that was-" almost immediately she was killed by toast, probably giving her a taste of her own medicine. Immediately a hand covered her mouth and she groaned. "God fucking! What the hell toast!"

She sat in stunned silence for a second. "I guess I'll-" Corpse found her and immediately reported. "Y/N!" He laughed over his mic. "Not y/n!" "I guess that means we're the only ones left with matching flowers." Felix cut in.

"Alright who killed my best friend?" Sean said into the mic. "Wait, wait, wait. First of all- she's mine, sean-" in that moment y/n all but blacked out, but forced herself to show no reaction, lest her viewers smite her.

"and secondly. It's toast." "Toast you about to become burnt." Sean said lamely and y/n was lifted out her haze enough to snort at his bad joke. "What why is it me!?" "Because you were the last person I saw her with. It's definitely you."

Ken softly added. "I think he's right because I can't imagine corpse killing y/n." The others laughed, and y/n leaned back into her chair, slumping down.

Toast was voted out, and the game continued. Y/n was left to follow corpse around until, Felix came from behind and killed him.

"oh my God." Y/n said, laughing. Then corpse turned on his mic. "Y/n, we're both dead." She laughed again, "I know! The games definitely more boring now that we're gone."

For a few moments they spoke about the game, until y/n began telling him about the storm. "Where do you live?" "Uh, I live in Los Angeles. Usually it never storms here, though. Where do you live?"

"San Diego." She sat up. "Oh my God that's only like two hours away. We should hang sometime." He laughed. "I'd really enjoy that, y/n." "You could come up here and we could go bother some rich people. I know where James lives."

"I would love to bother rich people with you, especially James." She smiled. "Covid permitting of course." "Of course."

Finally that game ended, with them finally figuring out that it was Felix.

Y/n stretched out, and agreed to play one more game. This time she got imposter with Sean.

She laughed manically, and clapped her hands together excitedly. "This is gonna be good!" Together the two worked as a team, delightedly playing off each other. One would sabotage and the other would kill. However the two did have one weakness and it was definitely their competitive nature's.

It had become a who can kill the most players in a game contest. And y/n was now trailing behind until, finally, she found Rae and sykkuno all in the same room. Sean had followed her in and it looked like a perfect opportunity to commit a double kill. Y/n got Rae with a clean kill and Sean got sykkuno. Then in came corpse.

"fuck!" Y/n shouted, leaping from her chair "he saw us! Corpse totally saw us! Shit!" Both Sean and y/n said nothing waiting for corpse to speak. "Oh my God. Sean how could you!" For several seconds Sean didn't reply. Then he forced out a weak "what?" Corpse sighed. "He killed sykkuno right in front of me. I didn't see anyone else around."

Y/n's mouth dropped. He wasn't going to say anything. He was going to let her slide. Of course, Sean would be getting voted out but that was a small price to pay. She looked into her camera in shock.

Her server was blowing up.

He ain't gonna snitch on daddy

She covered her mouth for fear they'd hear her laugh.

Corpse suddenly became blind after watching Sean kill sykkuno

She voted poor Sean out and the game continued.

Corpse followed her around and watched as she killed more. Seemingly the last comment about him being blind was true.

Another victory was won, and y/n braced herself for the upcoming shitstorm that was the discord call. "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU CORPSE!" Rae blasted. Y/n laughed until a loud blast of lightning shook the house and caused the lights to blink on and off. She yelped, her cat running into the room.

"wow, what was that?" Ken asked. "You okay, y/n?" Sean's voice called. She sighed. "Yeah, but I think i better log off. It was a lot of fun you guys! Thanks for letting me join."

A chorus of "yeah!" "No problem!" And "join us again!" Welcomed her. "Yeah, if y/n leaves I'm probably gonna leave too. I'll see you guys soon."

Ignoring the ohhh and aww comments of her chat she signed off.

Her phone rang and she smiled, answering it and pulling it to her ear. "Sean finally give you my number?"

Corpse laughed from the other end. "yeah, yeah. You were serious about meeting up right?" She chuckled softly. "Very." She heard him sigh happily. "Good, good. Hey if you're staying up maybe we could...chat some more?"

She smiled brightlyand her cheeks hurt. "I'd want nothing more." Suddenly her ohone buzzed and she pulled it from her ear to check. It was a message from Sean.

"you're on the phone with him right now, aren't you?"

-------------------------------------------------

A/n: please feel free to give critism and requests. Thanks for reading!

[moonchild-things]

Chapter Eight: Home Invasion

Summary: Born on October 1, 1989, Number Eight grew up with a strange power much like the other 43 children. After being adopted by Sir Reginald Hargreeves, Jemma grows up with six other siblings with peculiar powers just like her and lived a not so happy childhood. Now in 2019, Reginald is found dead, the once missing Number Five reappears after 17 years, and, oh yeah, the world is ending.  

Word Count: 6574

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---

JEMMA SKIPPED BESIDE HER SISTERS AS THEY strolled down the sidewalk in the bright sun. Her short hair swayed around her cheeks and in front of her electric eyes. The extra pep in her step was most likely due to her being able to be with both of her sisters. After all, it had been over twelve years since all three of them had been together. Jemma, of course, has seen both of them within that time, as she lives with Vanya and she periodically visited Allison, but it hadn't been the three of them together. That's how things had been, especially after Vanya had written her book.

The blonde didn't like the fact that Vanya had written her tell-all book, however, she forgave Vanya at least a little. Well, Jemma wasn't necessarily happy to know that Vanya had spilled every and any secret that was within the family, sans a few, but she's gotten over it. Besides, it wasn't like anyone was really talking about it anymore. The hype behind the book had only lasted at least a few months and Jemma hadn't been bothered by anybody because of it, unlike Allison. Thankfully, Jemma had a quiet life ever since she left the academy which she was perfectly okay with. Doing odd jobs from time to time certainly didn't give her any lasting relationships between her co-workers, unlike being an actress. Imagine it, having cameras constantly shoved in your face wherever you go. Jemma couldn't fathom the idea.

Another factor could be that her metabolism had run through the alcohol she had previously downed. So once again, surprisingly, she was sober! This time she was actually completely okay with it. That was most likely because Jemma had a distraction to focus on. She wasn't worried about the apocalypse for the moment, she wasn't thinking about him, and she didn't think about their father's death. Instead, she was high off of the fact that her sisters were finally together, getting along. Sure maybe there was a lingering fact that the world was going to end in a few days, and she had an inkling of regret still poking at her mind, but some sisterly bonding was pushing that all aside.

All that mattered was getting back to the academy. Which reminded her, "Allie?"

Allison turned to her blonde sister, "Yeah?"

"Are you doing to tell us what you and Luther think is wrong with Mom?" Jemma tilted her head in question. The suspicion that she had of her siblings from only about a half-hour earlier had not disappeared in the slightest. It was extremely concerning to hear what they had said about their mother earlier. How could they have any doubt that Mom wasn't caring? Sure, she is just an android, however, they must have seen that she was beyond that now. Especially after witnessing Grace raise them for years and being so human-like, how could they doubt her?

Allison's eyebrows furrowed, "Did I not tell you?"

"I don't think so... If you did, I may have been working through the alcohol." She shrugged her shoulders, "so I might have forgotten."

Vanya and Allison shared a glance with each other. A mutual understanding between the two of them about Jemma. While Vanya was used to this, Allison was not, since she was new to the fact that Jemma was an alcoholic. Thankfully, Jemma had been able to control herself to be at least more sober than usual. Being around family usually had her doing that. 

Even when she saw her family members, more specifically Allison or Diego, she hid her problems from them. She didn't need them to know about her alcoholism because all they would do is worry about her. She was the sibling who always was perceived as innocent, untouched by the trauma that was caused by their father. Which is something she even tried to convince herself of. Every one of them had their issues, but not Jemma. She's the glue that tried to keep her family together, and if the glue was damaged or ineffective, then the entire family would fall apart. Jemma couldn't allow that, so she hid her problems as much as she could. Of course, she couldn't hide it from Vanya or Klaus since she saw them the most, but as long as she didn't worry them too much then it was okay. Luther didn't need to know or anything because he was on the fucking moon, and Ben was well, gone so he would never know. Diego was someone that she rarely checked upon and even when she did, he made sure to make it brief as he wanted to keep up his lone-wolf persona. Allison was across the country and never physically around for Jemma to see her, so she could hide her problems from her sister easily. Overall, Jemma did her best to hide her problems from everyone she could. Was it a good thing? She wasn't sure, but it didn't matter right now.

Allison cleared her throat, "Well, yeah. We just think that-"

"That she has something to do with what happened to Dad?" Jemma asked airily as she eyed her sister from the side with large eyes.

Vanya looked between her two taller sisters in confusion, "What does that mean?"

The tallest of the three shook her head firmly. "We'll talk about it when we're all together, alright." Her tone spoke with finality which ended their conversation abruptly. So now the trio of sister walked along the sidewalk in silence as they headed back to the academy. The atmosphere around them growing tense as they continued their walk with an awkward feeling surrounding them.

---

Now, most of the Hargreeves siblings stood in the main living room with one of the old televisions proped up on the table. The video clip of their father's death playing in front of them. As much as Jemma disliked their father, she couldn't stomach watching the video. Death was something that she hated. The idea of a life ending, being torn away in some way, was so heartbreaking for her. Maybe it was because she had the experience of having someone so close to her die or because she was raised with the idea of killing is necessary for a mission, but either way, she hated it. 

She bit the inside of her cheek as she looked away from the television. Even if they had wanted her to watch it, to witness whatever they thought their mother had done to their father, she couldn't bear to watch it. Her chest hurt at the idea. She had heard what Luther and Allison had insinuated before she had left to get Vanya, but seeing it now just seemed to infuriate her more. Jemma would never want to believe that the woman who had looked after her for nearly two decades had even hurt a fly. So seeing it was just... the worst thing for her.

"I mean, do you really think Mom would hurt Dad?" Vanya asked Luther as they crowded around the television.

The "Leader" rolled his eyes at his powerless sibling. "You haven't been home in a long time, Vanya. Maybe you don't know Grace anymore."

"And you do?" Jemma voiced softly, which barely earned her a glance from Luther. She huffed out through her nose in annoyance, since he had written her off so easily. Klaus placed a hand on her shoulder in silent reassurance which caused some of the tension in her to disperse if only a little. It was a valid question, in her opinion, considering Luther wasn't all that close to Grace, unlike Vanya.

Diego shook his head at Luther's insistence about this. "If he was poisoned, it would have shown in the coroner's report."

"Well, I don't need a report to tell me what I can see with my own eyes." Luther harshly exclaimed while pointing at the screen like it was the biggest piece of evidence that he had ever found.

"Maybe all that low gravity in space messed with your vision." Diego casually insulted him before rewinding the tape once again. "Look closer. Dad has his monocle. Mom stands up. Monocle's gone."

Taking a closer look, they found that he was correct. Grace was just taking the monocle from Reginald to clean it like she usually did every other night. This time just ended with a disaster. The real question was; how did she not notice Reginald in distress?

"Oh, yeah!" Klaus exclaimed seeing it as well.

Diego nodded his head in triumph, most likely in satisfaction of proving Luther wrong. The best thing that could ever happen to him. "She wasn't poisoning him. She was taking it. To clean it."

Luther was speechless for a moment before finally collecting his words, "Then where is it? No, I've searched the house including all her things. She doesn't have it."

Diego pursed his lips, "That's because I took it from her. After the funeral."Everyone turned to him in surprise.

"You've had the monocle this whole time?" Allison asked in disbelif as she leaned against one of the pillars, "What the hell, Diego?"

"Give it to me," Luther instantly demanded.

Diego deadpanned, "I threw it away."

"You what?"

Deigo started to walk towards his brother with a sneer as he pointed one of his knives at him. "Look, I knew that if you found it on Mom, you'd lose your shit, just like you're doing right now."

"Diego," Luther grounded out through clenched teeth as the two brothers advanced at each other, "you son of a bitch."

Vanya finally stepped in to stop the two of them from possibly fighting, which they all knew they would do. "Hey. No. Calm down." The two continued to scowl at each other as Vanya continued, "Look, I know Dad wasn't exactly an open book. But I do remember one thing he said. Mom was, well, designed to be a caretaker, but... also as a protector."

"What does that mean?" Allison asked.

"She was programmed to intervene if someone's life was in jeopardy," Vanya explained.

Luther shook his head in thought, "Well, if her hardware is degrading, then... We need to turn her off."

"What if her hardware isn't degrading though," Jemma quickly called out with a paniced hand raised in the air, finally trying to add in her two cents. She tilted her head in thought with large, alarmed eyes, "What if someone just programmed her differently?"

"And who would do that?" The big bafoon asked the blonde with a roll of his eyes. He obviously was not taking what little contribution that Jemma had to the conversation seriously. Like he always did. Jemma opened her mouth to elaborate about what she thought, but Luther cut her off. "Come on, Jemma, think logically for once."

Jemma deflated at being written off by Luther. A bitter taste hit her tongue at his dismissal. Though it wasn't anything new. For some reason, no matter what Luther always valued Jemma's thoughts less than others. He usually does this for just about everyone, sans Allison, as he thought that he was better than everyone just because he is Number One, the Leader of their team. So why would he listen to his siblings? Jemma's opinions was at the lowest of the low, not matter what. Something that she never understood, not matter how many times she tried to.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait." Diego started to protest, "She's not just a vacuum cleaner you can throw in a closet. She feels things, I've seen it!"

Luther stood his ground, "She just stood there, Diego, and watched out father die."

"I'm with Luther." Allison said, which surprised no one.

Diego turned to her with a sneer, "Surprise, surprise."

"Shut up."

They then turned to Vanya, both Luther and Diego trying to gage whether she would agree with one of them. "I-- I don't--"

Diego shook his head and dismissed her, "Yeah, she shouldn't get a vote."

"I was gonna say that I agree with you."

"Okay. She should get a vote." Diego said, now that their powerless sister was agreeing with him. He then turned to Klaus, who was leaning against the pillar besides Jemma with a far off look, obviously barely paying attention to the conversation. "What about you, stoner boy? What do you got?"

Klaus looked up in surprise, "Oh, so what? You need my help now? Oh 'Get out of the van, Klaus!' 'Well, welcome back to the van.'"

"What van?" Allison asked as Luther just shook his head, knowing that he was referring to earlier that day.

Luther just scoffed lightly under his breath, "What's it gonna be, Klaus?"

"I'm with Diego, because screw you!" He exclaimed, "And if Ben were here, he'd agree with me." He then hissed at the air, as Ben had disagreed with him.

Diego then turned to his blonde sister. "Jemma?"

"There has to be something wrong with mom," she started as Luther nodded his head, seemingly valuing what she had to say now since she seemed to be siding with him. "But I'm not saying to turn her off okay!" Diego clapped, now thinking that she was siding with him as Luther scoffed. Jemma just shook her head, already knowing that she didn't want to take sides at all. "I don't want to vote on this! Like I said there's more to this, someone could have--"

Seeing that she wasn't going to vote for either side, Diego turned to Luther with a smug smile. "So that's three to two." Jemma threw her hands up, knowing that neither of them were going to listen to what she had to say. Why was she being treated like a child?!

"Wait-" Luther tried to protest but was cut off by Allison.

"Vote's not final yet."

Diego's head snapped into her direction, "What?"

"Five's not here." She said as if it was obvious, "The whole family has to vote. We owe each other that."

Luther agreed, "Right."

"No, we should wait." Vanya piped up. To Diego's dismay, they all came to the same conclusion; they couldn't make a final decision without Five.

Allison, Luther, and Klaus then filed out of the room, seemingly done with the conversation until Five finally voted. As much as they wanted to get this over with, they couldn't really do that with Five not around and Jemma not picking a side. This left Vanya, Diego, and Jemma together who had noticed Grace standing in the shadows of the living room. The trio walked over to Grace who stared at the ground emotionlessly.

"Hey," Diego said softly to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. A softness in his actions that he only ever had for his mother. "How long you been here?"

Grace looked up, now with a smile on her face that was almost unnerving considering what they had just been discussing. "You all seem upset. I'll make cookies." She then turned around and left them alone.

After a beat of silence, Vanya spoke up, "Do you ever wonder... All those moments with Mom, the things she said. Like, was it her, or was it really Dad?"

"What are you talking about?" Diego asked as if it was a blasphemous question.

"Well, he built her." She elaborated as Jemma bit her lip in consideration. The idea of their father, Reginald Hargreeves, ever caring about anything was a foreign thought. The cold, calculating billionaire didn't have any emotions other than anger, disappointment, or annoyance, in Jemma's opinion. So how could he be expressing his... caring nature through their mother? "And he programmed her to be a mom, to be our mom. Sometimes when I look at her, I just see him."

"I don't." Jemma said stoically which was extremely contradictory to her bubbly personality.

Diego nodded his head in agreement with Jemma, "Maybe that was true at first. But she evolved."

"Well, how do you know?" Vanya asked curiously.

"Because Dad only loved himself."

With that, Diego walked off, leaving Vanya and Jemma by themselves. Anxiety welled inside Vanya which caused her to pull out her pill bottle and pop one in her mouth. Jemma sighed loudly and plastered a faux smile on her face. "Well, I need a drink." She said joyfully trying to distance herself from her depressing thoughts, "you want one too, V?"

Vanya shook her head, "no, but I'll come with you to make sure you don't get drunk."

Jemma whined like a child and bounced away with Vanya trailing behind, "Aw, but that's the whole point!" Overhead, Pogo watched the sisters walked off with a solem gaze.

---

The dim bedroom lamp glowed in Jemma's bedroom as she lazily laid on her bed. Night had descended upon the academy as Vanya and Jemma had decided to relax in Jemma's childhood room since the afternoon. Another gulpful of alcohol already running down her throat as Jemma wallowed in her own anxiety. As much as she tried to not show her nervousness or anything around her siblings, Vanya was a different story. Vanya was one of the only people who had seen Jemma at her lowest, so she was allowed to see Jemma's problems even now. Which was why Jemma was perfectly comfortable with having Vanya around as she drank. The blond was almost at the end of her first bottle as Vanya had done her best to try and take it from her. The violinist had given up at some point, knowing that Jemma would not give up her drink no matter what.

Jemma huffed and glanced over at Vanya who sat stiffly in her chair at the small desk by the door. "Turning off Mom just..." Jemma blew a raspberry and groaned in displeasure, "I don't like it, V."

"I know you don't," Vanya agreed, "I don't either."

Jemma stared up at the ceiling with a troubled expression. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts, which was exactly what she didn't want. The whole point of drinking is to slow down her thoughts, to minimize how fast she thought. To mellow her out, to put it lightly. Though that didn't seem to be happening since she was extremely worried about their mom. "She's one of the only good things about our childhood." She said the sad truth with a soft voice, "She may be an android but she's... she's more human than Dad was, you know."

She looked over at Vanya with her pink cheeks and glassy eyes. Vanya nodded her head along with her while slumping down in her seat, "You're right."

"I understand the concern," Jemma stated, knowing why Luther and Allison may want to turn off their mother, "but there's something that just doesn't make sense."

Vanya nodded her head along with her. She had noticed what Jemma had said earlier when they were together, which was ignored by the rest of the family. "You said you thought someone messed with her hardware?"

Jemma looked off to the side in thought, "Mom was a protector, yes? Like you said. So how would she just... not help dad? The only way that would happen is if--"

"She was programmed not to," Vanya cut her off, understanding where she was going.

Jemma nodded, "Exactly."

If their mother was a protector, like Vanya remembered, then that meant that she would have saved their father while he was dying. The argument that Luther had made about her hardware deteriorating also didn't make much sense. Sure, she didn't have any kids around anymore to take care of, but she wasn't just meant to be a mother. Reginald designed her to take care of the home and such, so it would only make sense for him to keep her around to take care of mundane things. Not only that, but Pogo would certainly not allow her to deteriorate to the point of her hardware being deteriorated. Pogo cared about her, at least more than Reginald might have. So that meant her hardware wasn't broken down but instead tampered with. By who? That was the real question.

"She doesn't seem like she could hurt anyone," Vanya said softly as if the thought of their mother hurting anyone was completely foreign. Which was true. All Grace ever was to them was nurturing, supportive, and just over all motherly. She was the real parent that they had in their childhood. Reginald may have been their father in name, but he certainly didn't act like it. It was kind of funny that a robot was more human-like than Reginald was. Maybe that just proved Jemma's theory that Reginald wasn't actually human. Imagine that!

Thinking back on their childhood, more specifically the very few good parts of it, a thought popped into Jemma's head. She chuckled to herself softly, "Do you remember when I taught you self-defense?"

"Yeah." Vanya said with a raised eyebrow, "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. It just popped into my head," Jemma shrugged her shoulders and shuffled on her bed to sit up. She tapped her chin in thought, "I don't know why Dad didn't teach you anything like that."

"I wasn't a part of the team, so it made sense not to train me."

"I still thought it was a good idea."

"Maybe," Vanya chuckled slightly and rubbed her arms as they ached from past injuries, "but it didn't feel like a good idea."

"Oh, you big baby," Jemma giggled loudly, "You only got a few bruises!"

Vanya let out an exasperated scoff, "A few, try more like a few dozen!"

---

17 YEARS AGO

“Jemma, I’m not sure about this…” A thirteen-year-old Vanya shakily breathed out as he stood outside in the courtyard. Her fingers were twisted together nervously as a soft autumn breeze brushed over them. The sun had only a few more minutes to gaze down on the city, which was why the two sisters were out there. It was only a few minutes after Jemma had finished her training for the day and instantly dragged Vanya outside. As risky as it was to go outside without the permission of their father, Jemma was more than willing to risk whatever punishment that came with it. After all, she had a good reason for this.

The blonde girl just shook her head at her sister's nervousness. “Vanya, it’s important that you learn how to defend yourself. Every one of us can fight even without our powers, except you!”

“Thanks," Vanya said sarcastically.

Jemma shook her head while putting her hair up into a high ponytail. “I didn’t mean it like that. I'm just saying since dad won't teach you how to fight, I will!" She cheered and gently pulled Vanya's to the middle of the courtyard. "I just want to make sure that if you end up in a situation where you have to defend yourself, you'll be ready to.”

It didn't make much sense to her as to why Vanya was kept out of training. Well, yes, Vanya didn't have any powers like them, however, she was apart of the family! The Umbrella Academy was well known, and even if the world didn't know much about Vanya being the phantom seventh sibling, there was still a chance of her getting caught in the crossfire. Who's to say that Vanya wouldn't be attacked or something. If that were the case, she should have some sort of simple combat training to keep herself safe. It only made sense.

Vanya sighed out, slightly uncomfortable, “You don't have to, Jem. If dad finds out about this--”

“He won't!" Jemma exclaimed loudly before getting a look from Vanya to quiet down. The blonde cringed with a sheepish smile, "We’ll be quick and make sure that he doesn't see us. And you know I'm pretty fast.”

She got into a defensive stance and tried to prompt Vanya to get into the same one. Her eager, vibrant blue eyes seemed to glow in the dim sunlight. As much as Vanya wanted to protest, she had to admit that it was at least somewhat of a good idea. After all, it wasn't like anyone else was going to show her how. Vanya sighed out in reluctance but also got into a fighting stance, though it was not as confident as Jemma's, “Alright.”

“That's the spirit!" Jemma jumped in joy before her expression hardened into one of determination, "Now, let's start!”

---

At the memory of their secret training sessions, the two women laughed with each other. It was a moment, one little moment, in their abysmal childhoods that seemed fun. The two of them bonded even more with each other during their sessions. A moment when they could act like kids, more or less. Not only that, but the two weren't caught. Well, they weren't caught by their father. Ben had found out at one point, completely by accident, however, he would never rat them out. Even if he had the thought to, Jemma could easily just flash him her puppy-dog eyes and he'd be putty in her hands.

The sudden reminder of her best friend dampened Jemma's mood instantly. She quieted down while staring down at the bottle in her hands. The amber liquid glaring back at her heatedly with its silent repetitive taunts. 

There was suddenly a constant popping sound that resonated from somewhere else in the house. A sound that caused Jemma's blood to freeze at the familiarity of it. Vanya stared at the door as worry started to creep up in her chest, "Did you hear that?"

"Gunfire?" Jemma asked in confusion before abruptly standing up from her seat on her bed. That was a sound that she certainly could not forget, as she grew up having guns fired at her on a near-daily basis. Already having a bad feeling, she points to Vanya as sternly as she could. Though that was a bit hard when she is both not intimidating and slightly buzzed. "Stay here."

She then zoomed out of the bedroom to head to where they heard the sound of fighting. The speedster found herself in the middle of the foyer where she was able to see two figures standing in the living room. In their hands were a pair of guns, which obviously meant that they were the ones who were shooting. For what reason they were here, Jemma had no idea. However, they couldn't just come into her family's home and shoot up the place without thinking that they would defend themselves. They had made a mistake coming into this house, she'd make that clear to them.

The figures fired more shots, aiming at one of the couches where someone must have been hiding. Jemma jumped on the back of the bigger attackers as soon as she got close enough to try and stop him from shooting anymore. Meanwhile, as the hail storm of bullets stopped now that the two assailants knew they were being attacked, Luther came out to take on the smaller of the two, who had a bunny-like mask on. Allison also came out from the shadows to help Jemma fight against the big guy who had a bear mask on.

They scuffled around for a bit which included Jemma being thrown off the bear-man's back and landing harshly on the ground. The wind had been knocked out of her as she groaned at the flare of pain that racked her back. She was certainly a bit rusty when it came to fighting. After all, she hasn't been in a fight since she was in her teens at least. Though the bear-man got the upper hand when he grabbed Allison and held her in the air by the throat and stood with his foot on top of Jemma's throat as well.

Diego jumped out from behind his hiding spot and started to beat on the guy as well. "Let them go!"

Luther finally finished with the bunny-masked attacker, came back into the fray, and helped Diego with punching the bear-man which forced the man to let go of Allison and step off of Jemma. The super-strong Luther then grabbed the attacker and threw him effortlessly through the air away from them and into the foyer. 

"Who the hell are these guys?" Allison asked out breathlessly while helping Jemma to her feet. 

Luther turned to Diego, barely out of breath, "You're welcome."

"I was doing fine," Diego exclaimed, not willing to admit that he may have needed some help.

"Oh, yeah, you really had them--"

Diego huffed, "Ever hear of a rope-a-dope?"

Growing fed up, Jemma shouted at them with a scratch voice, "Stop bickering you two!" She then let out a small yelp as she ducked down along with her other siblings to avoid the bullets that were now being shot at them.

"Get out of here now!" Luther called out as he ushered Allison out who had a hold on Jemma as well, "Go!"

"Luther, go!" Diego shouted out as he went off in a different direction.

There was a moment of silence that passed through the academy. With the bear-man, Hazel, having lost his gun and the bunny-woman, Cha-Cha, going after the siblings, there was a short moment of uneasy stillness.

"Hello?" It was broken by the soft voice of the powerless Hargreeves sibling.

As she hid around the corner from the attackers, Jemma could faintly hear the sound of Vanya as she descended the main stairs. Obviously, she had bypassed Jemma's stern warning to stay in her room and decided to check out everything that was happening. With her vision still a tad bit blurry from the alcohol that was still running through her system, Jemma cursed, "Shit, Vanya."

"Guys? Is everyone okay?" Vanya continued to call out as her anxiety started to increase. She walked towards the living room to investigate and saw that the room was in disarray. "Hello? Guys?" 

The quietness was unsettling to her. Though it only lasted for a little bit longer when Hazel came out from nowhere with a medieval flail in his hands. He used it to try and attack Vanya who ducts just at the last second. Hazel goes back in to try and hit her again, only for her to block it and try to get in her own hit. However, her little punch did nothing to the hefty man who was able to backhand her easily and throw her onto the table.

"Hey, asshole," Luther called out from behind Hazel before he could attack Vanya again. Seeing that Luther was a bigger target than the meek Vanya, Hazel set out to attack him.

As Luther and Hazel went at each other, both surprisingly a good match for each other, Jemma sped into the living room to find Vanya laid out on the coffee table. Seeing her frazzled sister, Jemma rushed over to her and grabbed her hand to pull her up. "Come on!" Jemma then sped the both of them into a hiding spot in one of the hallways, away from the fighting. The landing wasn't as graceful as Jemma had hoped, seeing as she was still being hindered by her slight drunkenness. She had hoped that the adrenaline would have helped clear it out as well as her speedy metabolism, but it seemed like she was going to need more than just a few minutes for that to happen. "Stay here, V, okay?"

Vanya nodded her head shakily at Jemma's command. As much as she wished she could help her siblings, she knew that she couldn't really do anything because she was powerless. 

Jemma took a moment to check Vanya and make sure that she didn't have any injuries, though she did see the beginnings of a bruise starting to form on her cheek. Filing that away for the moment, Jemma then ran out of the small alcove where Vanya would hide for the time being. She zoomed back into the living room to find that Hazel had thrown Luther to the ground who was now groaning in pain. She growled, "Hey, care bear!" Hazel turned around to find the petite blonde glaring at him from behind her bangs. Her blue eyes glowing with rage was the only thing he saw before her blurred form started to attack him. He could barely do anything as a flurry of punches came at him at such speeds that he couldn't keep up with. While they weren't exactly the strongest punches that he had ever received, having so many thrown at him like this was causing him quite a bit of pain.

This continued on for only a few minutes, as Jemma tried to knock the behemoth of a man down. Jemma was so caught up in her punches that she didn't notice the leg that swiped out to knock her feet from under her. She gasped as she fell to the ground at normal speed and earned a powerful kick to the gut and then to the head which had her yelping loudly in pain. Hazel, having handled the little speed-puncher, then lumbered off to find Cha-Cha leaving the pair of hurting siblings in the foyer.

"Damn," Jemma grounded out through her clenched teeth as she fought the pain, "I'm out of practice."

"Luther! Jemma!" Allison called out as she and Diego found their two siblings on the ground. Allison rushed over to Luther while Diego went over to Jemma. "Come on, Luther, get up."

"Everything is spinning," Jemma grunted as she was helped to her feet by her knife-throwing brother.

"Come on, Jem."

Once all of them were standing up, Jemma and Luther both using the other two as crutches, they glanced up at the second floor to see Cha-Cha staring back down at them. With the knife that Diego had thrown at her prior, she cut the cord that connected the chandelier to the ceiling. 

"Get out of the way!" Luther called out as the light fixture started to fall and pushed his siblings away. Diego fell with Jemma and made sure to protect her as they fell while Allison was pushed to the other side.

"Luther!" Allison shouted out before Luther was crushed by the chandelier. Though it would take more than that to hurt Luther, considering he was built like a giant. So he started to get up, only for his coat to start being ripped off to show off what was underneath it in the pale light.

Diego stared at him in disbelief, "Holy shit."

Now on display for everyone to see, it was revealed that Luther had the upper body like an ape. Something that no one was really expecting to see underneath his large coat. Even Jemma was in surprise as she may or may not have a concussion. In embarrassment, Luther rushed off to most likely his room, leaving behind his confused and frazzled siblings.

The speedster, still on the ground, groaned while Diego made sure that she was alright, "God, things are getting weird, even for us."

---

"Who were those people?" Vanya asked as she sat on one of the couches as Allison handed her and handkerchief to clean up her face.

Besides her, Jemma laid on the couch with half-lidded eyes as she held an ice pack to her head. Even if Jemma had been raised to be a super-hero, she was still the most susceptible out of the family to get bruised. She wasn't sure why, but she was the easiest out of her siblings to get bruises. Suppose that's why they viewed her as the most fragile out of them all, sans Vanya of course. There was no doubt going to be bruising on her stomach and most likely her head after this. Perhaps she should consider training again since this has proven that she's completely rusty when it comes to hand-to-hand fighting.

"I don't know." Allison said while sitting across from the two, "But we are lucky to be alive. You sure you're okay?" Vanya just nodded her head silently, more worried about her siblings than anything else. Allison turned to Jemma with the same concerned look. Obviously, she didn't like seeing anyone, especially the sweet Jemma, in pain like this. "Jemma?"

The blonde sighed out though it sounded like it hurt her, "I should be fine, Allie."

The trio of sisters then noticed Diego pacing behind them. He was agitated by something, which they all weren't sure what it was, assuming that it was just about the attack. "Diego?" Vanya asked.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked sharply.

Vanya stared at him, "I'm just trying to help."

"No, you could've been killed." He shouted out in what was most likely a combination of frustration, anger, and worry. "Or gotten any of us killed. She is a liability."

Vanya shook her head at being called that. She knew that she wasn't much of a help, but at least thought that her siblings wouldn't belittle her to the point of being a hindrance to them. She turned to her sisters, "Allison? Jemma?"

Jemma spoke up first and shifted in her seat, though it may have pained her to do so, "He's worried, V. We all are worried about you." They heard Diego scoff at that, trying to make it seem like the reason he said that wasn't because he cared about their sister.

"I think what he's trying to say is that this kind of stuff is dangerous." Allison explained, "You're just--"

"Not like you," Vanya said emotionlessly.

"No, that's not what I--" Allison tried to salvage it as her sister got up and shuffled out of the room. She tried to go out after her, "Vanya, wait."

"Let her go." Diego called out, causing her to pause, "It's for the best."

Growing fed up, Jemma turned to her brother sharply and scowled. The sight of her angered expression threw off Diego for a moment as it was extremely rare to see Jemma angry like this. Her lip was curled up in a slight sneer as she stood up from her seat on the couch. "Maybe you think that, but she's our sister. I want to make sure that she's alright, unlike you apparently."

She then hobbled out of the living room after Vanya, to the protest of Allison. She got over to Vanya just as she was pulling on her coat. "Vanya, hey, look are you sure that you're okay?"

The violinist glanced up at Jemma and shook her head. The expression of worry and concern on her face was something that she saw often, perhaps too often. As much as Vanya appreciated the care that Jemma always had for her, it was getting on her nerves at the moment. "I'll be fine Jemma, just sit back down."

Jemma sighed, "If you want to leave we can head to the apartment--"

"No," she harshly answered back before clearing her throat, "I want to be by myself. Besides, you should rest."

Jemma stared at her with uncertainty, "Oh. Right, yeah, just call me later alright? I just wanna make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, I know." With that, Vanya went off to collect her things so she could leave that academy. She left behind a slightly beaten Jemma who was more than worried about her and everything that had happened. Though Vanya was right, Jemma should rest so her injuries heal as fast as possible.

---

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[adalinehq]

Welcome to Aurora Bay, [ADALINE ROSE KANE]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [LILY COLLINS]. You must be the [THIRTY-SIX] year old [PEDIATRICIAN]. Word is you’re [NURTURING] but can also be a bit [INDECISIVE] and your favorite song is [THE BONES BY MARREN MORRIS & HOZIER]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [SEABROOK QUARTER]. / @aurorabayaesthetic​

CHARACTER BASICS

NAME: adaline rose kane (nee carter) NICKNAME: addie, rosie AGE: thirty-six DATE OF BIRTH: may 5, 1986 ZODIAC SIGN: taurus GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her ORIENTATION: heterosexual STATUS: married HEIGHT: 5′4″ OCCUPATION: pediatrician at aurora bay hospital NEIGHBORHOOD: seabrook quarter

QUICK FACTS

adaline was born as the second child in a middle class family in san diego, california, having one older brother and three younger siblings that followed suit (a younger sister following her, and two younger brothers). her mother was an artist while her father was a medical technologist.

her parents were pretty laidback people and they just wanted their children to have a happy childhood growing up. as long as none of them are failing, then they were pretty good with it. however, even as a kid, addie has been called brilliant by her teachers and she showed a lot of potential to be something more. her parents have been called in a couple of times, encouraging them to enroll her in a private school that specialized with that, but her parents didn’t want to put any pressure on her. besides, she’s already skipped two grades and they just wanted her to be a happy kid, which she was. she loved studying just as much as she enjoyed interacting with other kids. even though she was younger than the people in her grade, that didn’t deter her from being friends with them and she always topped her class.

when she was in her freshman year of high school, they had to move to Aurora Bay because her father got a better job offer there and with five kids to put to college, they really needed the extra cash. her mother stopped her pursuits in the art as she focused more on her kids, but she still painted from time to time.

the move to aurora bay has been a difficult one for addie, especially leaving all of her friends behind. it took her some time before she was able to adapt with her peers in aurora bay high school, but when she did, she slowly won them over. she became the student council president during her last year of high school and graduated as the valedictorian of their class. her parents couldn’t be any prouder than her, but they also wanted her to slow it down.

wanting to follow the footsteps of her father to have a career in the medical field, she took pharmacy as her pre-med course. at the start of her college years, the brunette was pretty much focused in her studies and didn’t really get out a lot. but it was in her sophomore year that she truly took notice of him. 

andrew was only supposed to be her brother’s friend, but the two started to get closer and soon enough, they were hiding their relationship from her brother. since her older brother has always been protective of her, they weren’t sure how he would react to the news of them getting together. and they were right because when he found out during her junior year, he didn’t exactly approve of them. only when he saw how it was not just some college fling did they finally win his approval.

addie graduated with latin honors, getting into the medicine program of a nearby university,  which was known for its medical field. it was only two hours away from her home but she lived in her own apartment there for five years. after finishing her internship in that town, she took up her residency in aurora bay hospital to finally be home again. it took her awhile to find a specialization that she held close to her heart, but she chose pediatrics.

however, it was also during her residency that she found that she had less and less time for her beau. the arguments and misunderstandings began and the two broke up during those years since she needed to focus on her work and they needed some time away from each other.

but just like two people who were pulled to each other, the two got back together after she finished her residency. and two months later, addie was expecting their first chilld. the two have talked of marriage before when they were still together, but nothing has really been set in motion since they were waiting for her to finish her program first before getting married. but with the unexpected pregnancy, the two had a quick wedding in the city hall.

currently, she’s working as a pediatrician in the aurora bay hospital. she has two children, noah (5 y/o) and emma (3 y/o), and they are the literal light of her life along with her husband, andrew.

adaline has always been a friendly chap and quite motherly especially to the younger people around town. she’s definitely the mom friend even before she had children. she exudes warmth and wants to offer everyone the kind of love she experienced from her parents. though on the contrary, she can also be a little indecisive since her parents just let them do what they wanted; her interests can be fickle and she never gets to actually finish a hobby that she’s started. 

more tba since this is a work in progress tbh

WANTED CONNECTIONS

her older and younger siblings (one older brother, followed by a younger sister, then two younger brothers)

close friends/friends

friends since high school/college

someone she can be like a motherly figure to

someone she doesn’t get along with

an ex fling (from around 6-7 years ago)

high school ex

parents of her patients

colleagues in the hospital

[suchalonelysunflower]

I’ll Be With You (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader

Summary: Songfic inspired by “Drive” by Ashton Irwin. One ride can change your life and Calum hopes he could mend his mistakes with you.

Warnings: ANGST. Language. Mentions of a character’s death (not explicit) Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 6K

Author’s note: This is an unofficial second part to You Said Forever, but you don’t need to read it in order to understand. Please remember that Reblogs, Comments, Feedback and Likes are very important! You don’t know how much it helps me 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading ✨🦋🌻

My materialist // wanna be part of my taglist?

Thank you Andy for the picture

“ I know that you’re hurting

I know you still care

I know his voicemails sound like a lullaby”

You’ve been staring at the wall for what it felt like hours, which was probably true. Your thoughts were made of nothing as your eyes clashed with your wallpaper. You wanted them to be made of nothing.

You wished you could allow yourself not to think. Just to shut down for the day and stop thinking. Thinking made you cry and your head hurts when you cry. He always hated to see you cry.

The house felt empty even though you were sitting right there in the living room. Yet, it almost seemed like you weren’t there like you were just a ghost who you once were before you lost two people in under six months.

How could anyone expect you to be the same? Yes, the losses have been different. But that doesn’t mean their absence didn’t hurt.

You wish it could stop hurting. But at the same time, you wish it could tear you apart. To feel pain is to feel something and you were so scared to stop feeling. It happened once before with the first loss and now, now you just want everything to be over with.

But you were still staring at the wall, nothing’s changed. They were gone and you were here. They left and now you are alone.

Maybe it was always meant to be this way. Maybe it was a sign for you to never love someone else and to not let anyone else love you. What’s the point if they are going to leave anyway?

The ticking of the clock became your only friend amid silence. You took comfort in its tick-tack, the melody of your desolation. You’ve heard it once before and since then you couldn’t stop hearing it, not since that night where you counted the seconds for him to respond. Now you counted the seconds again, still hoping everything would just stop.

A 10-second answer.

“I’m not ready for a relationship”

A 10-second call.

“We lost him”

Who would’ve known that 10 seconds could last forever?

You wondered if you should call; if he would answer. If he knew...But then you remembered you blocked his number to never call again. It’s not like he would’ve answered anyway, not as he would care.

Your relationship with Calum ended before it even began. You were never official but you carried yourselves as such. It was magical until it wasn’t; until he stopped answering and started developing feelings for another.

It wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t control what he felt. But he was the one who decided to end things without telling you, all because he was scared. You were too, not that he cared.

And now, you know you shouldn’t miss him. You moved on and started all over again, promising yourself that he won’t ever see you cry again. Your music career blew up and now you had an album coming up in a few months. The awards and recognitions you won from your first single, the one that was inspired by him, were hanging on your wall like trophies, proof that you could be happy without him and you were.

Until that 10 second call in the middle of the night.

And now you felt like a child. Seeking comfort in the arms of someone who is not coming back. Knowing that the only one who you wanted to be with at the moment was living his best life without you. Not knowing, not caring.

He threw you away like a doll he didn’t want to play with anymore. Or at least that’s how it felt like. He taught you what it meant to love and then backtracked once he realized he felt the same but was not ready to act on his feelings, letting you figure that out by ghosting you like it was nothing.

You felt stupid for wanting him back, he hurt you the most, and yet, you needed him to feel safe. He was your best friend before becoming something else.

It was almost like you weren’t in control of what you were feeling. It was too much and at the same time not enough. You wanted him, you needed him. You want him to love you again like he used to and make everything okay again. But you also wanted him gone and for him to stay that way. You didn’t want his pity or his love words again. You didn’t want to see him and make every little broken piece of your heart stain again just at the sight of him, at the sound of his voice calling your name again.

What's worse? What’s the cure and what’s the sickness? Would you rather forgive and forget? Or just forget that it ever happened?

Did it ever happen?

Loud bangs coming from the door pushed your thoughts away from your mind. You were spiraling again and you didn’t even notice.

The bangs came stronger, yet no one was calling your name. You wondered who could it be; who could be crazy enough to bang on your door in the middle of the night, hours after one of the worst days of your life?

You thought about ignoring it, pretending that you’re asleep when in reality you haven’t slept for days. But the stranger didn’t know that and they could easily go away once they believe you’re in bed, tucked away in dreams.

But whoever it was didn’t stop. You counted the seconds, 5 bangs in one second, one; two; three; four; five, and 5 bangs again. This person wouldn’t have let you sleep even if you wanted to.

After two more series of bangs, you got up from your spot on the sofa, leaving an indentation on the cushion due to the hours you spent looking at nothing. You smothered your black clothes and walked to the door.

The other person was in the middle of another series of bangs when you opened the door, leaving his fist mid-air as he noticed you standing in front of him.

What was he doing here?

If you were surprised you didn’t show it. Maybe you weren’t that surprised to see him standing there with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. His hair was a mess and his eyes had some dark bags underneath it; you assumed you looked the same: tired and hopeless.

His eyes were still the same, shining with a gleam you haven’t seen in a while, hopeful for something greater than life. Yours, however, were hallowed and gloomy, no emotions whatsoever as you gazed into the eyes of the man who you wanted to call yours one day.

He looked so different from the Calum who was standing at the same spot all those months ago when he told you he needed time. And you were so different from the Y/N who stood in pain of just seeing him. Now the roles were reversed, cause at this moment you thought you'd never seen him so quiet, so inside himself. Maybe he was in pain too.

“C’mon. Let’s go” He said, nudging his head to make you follow him into the dark street.

He didn’t say hello. He didn’t need to, not with you at least. You don’t even remember saying goodbye after that night.

Calum stood there, waiting for you to answer. His brown eyes were pleading, but you knew he wouldn’t force you to do anything, he knows he didn’t deserve it and he wouldn’t blame you if you closed the door on his face. But you didn’t.

Instead, like a fool, you followed him.

He got into his car, the same color white with tinted windows and the indentation of that one time you accidentally hit a motorcycle that stopped abruptly before you on the street, and you climbed into the passenger seat, buckling up your seatbelt and pulling your legs to your chest.

Calum started the engine and didn’t turn on the radio, he just began driving into the night. You weren’t talking, but you didn’t need to; the silence needed to be heard.

It’s not the first time you did this. Before he went on tour you would call, or he would call just to spend some time together as you drove by the coast. Words were optional as you let time slip through your fingers, enjoying every second of it in the presence of each other.

“Just drive” You would say, and that was enough.

You saw the lights of the city pass by. The red lights covering you in its lights, creating an atmosphere of security within their red halo. You closed your eyes for a moment at the clicking sound of the turn signal and let you be swayed away by the left and right turns Calum would do to get to the PCA.

He had his eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel, one of his fingers lightly patting the plastic as he didn’t know what to do with it, this time he can’t just put his hand on your thigh like he used to.

You could tell he had some things to say, he always did, but he was keeping them in and you were thankful for that. You weren’t sure if you were ready to talk yet, or if you were ready to talk at all, right now you were enjoying the silence and the roaring sounds of the pavement and you would’ve liked it to keep it that way.

The destination was unknown, it always was. You would recognize the stores and the streets as you passed them by, but there was never a limit to where you could go. Many times you ended up driving as far as San Diego or San Francisco, sometimes you ended up somewhere in the desert where no one could hear you. But it didn’t matter where you’d end up as long as you came back, but how could you come back from this?

Calum must’ve been driving for a few minutes or hours, you wouldn’t know. The night sky stayed the same and you refused to look at him just yet. You knew why he was here, it was as obvious as the stars at night, and you found the strangest comfort in that even though you were still pretty mad about everything he did.

Calum, however, looked back and forwards between you and the road. He hasn’t seen you in such a long time and these are horrible circumstances to see each other again after he fucked up. Cause he will admit it: He fucked up, big time. But how could he fix it now when you won’t even look at him?

Who were you now? Were you the same Y/N he knew and loved? His Y/N never looked that small, that broken and bruised and tucked away in a world of hurt. He knew he had something to do with that, but right now that was the least of his problems. It was clear to him that right now all you needed was not to be alone and he was glad he could help.

A few minutes later, Calum spotted a gas station and parked the car for a few minutes.

“Gonna fill up the tank and get some coffee from the store,” He said as he unbuckled his seatbelt “Do you want anything?”

You were still looking at the window, the white dirty neon lights illuminated your profile as you shook your head. Not ready to give a verbal answer.

Calum sighed “Okay, you can go stretch your legs if you want. I’m not going to take long”

He jumped out of the car and you waited until he entered the store to jump out as well, letting the neon lights and buzzing bugs invade your feelings as you stood upright.

You cracked your neck and the bones of your back, letting out a sigh of relief once you feel yourself go back to normal. You walked around the car and back again, trying to clear your mind with some fresh air. You realized by the stars illuminating the sky that you must be on your way to a desert, not really caring which or where, but happy that you were far away from where you were supposed to be.

Calum came back a minute later holding a bag and two cups of coffee.

“Here,” He said, handing you the brown paper bag and the coffee cup. You looked at him questionably “I-I know that when you’re upset you don’t eat much and- I just wanted to make sure-”

The words ‘that you’re okay’ were stuck in his throat as he watched your eyes fill with tears that you weren’t ready to shed. He just nodded instead.

“The coffee is terrible, but the cookie might be good. I’m sorry, it’s all they had-“

“Thank you,” You said with the faintest voice. Calum felt his heart stop for a second, he hadn't heard your voice in so long and he wished he could hear it again as the night went on.

“You’re welcome,” He said with a tiny smile before turning around and walking up to the driver’s seat, chuckling to himself as he heard you cough the horrible tasting coffee after one sip.

A couple of hours pass and you are still on the road. You remained quiet as time went by, you knew Calum didn't mind but you also knew that he hoped for you to talk, not only about today but about everything as well. And what a beautiful irony that was. He was the quiet one ever since you met; shy and gentle towards the new artist who started working at the studio, it sparked up your curiosity towards him. Your friends said that you were trying too hard, but there was something about Calum that just begged you to know him. Little would you know that it would’ve become the best and worst decision of your life.

You were so in your mind that you missed the moment he started humming a melody you couldn’t recognize, but you didn’t care about that as you got lost in the sound of his low voice trapped willingly on his throat. You missed his singing the most. Every time he started singing you would just sit and listen intently, entranced by his voice like a pirate who fell in love with a mermaid. He always said you had the best voice out of the two of you and you would always disagree, he never understood how his voice comforted you to the point of almost being hypnotized by it and you never understood how much you needed to hear him until now.

You still felt that tingly sensation that begged of you to run away; make Calum take you back home and never see him again for your own good. But another part of you pleaded for you to stay, to treasure this moment and never let it go again, hoping that things will turn out just fine and you could start all over. You didn’t know which part of you talked with logic or with the heart, you didn’t know who to listen to. So you just listened to him hum.

“I never heard that song before,” You said once he’s done, or at least you thought he was.

Calum snapped his head towards you at the sound of your voice. This time you sounded clear, a bit hoarse, and still much quieter than what he was used to, but it was enough for him to smile a little.

“I don’t think you would’ve. It’s some kind of TikTok song” He said, eyes on you the entire time while you kept your head straight for the empty road. You chuckled and he felt like he could touch the sky with his hands, he always loved making you laugh and now he got to do that again.

“You’re on TikTok?” You asked, teasingly.

“Shh,” Calum shushed with a smile, pleased with the banter “Don’t tell the fans about my secret account”

You pressed your lips on a thin line “It’s not like you tell anyone much, anyway”

Calum’s smile flattered. “Y/N-” He whispered but you cut him down quickly.

“Eyes on the road, Hood” And you stayed quiet again.

Calum reluctantly took his eyes off you after shooting you a sorrowful look. He could swear he heard Ashton’s voice saying he fucked up over and over in his head.

You always hated secrets and his life was full of them. When he asked you to keep whatever you got on the down-low you agreed, not because you liked it, but because you respected his privacy. You thought you only had to keep it hidden from the media and the fans, however, you didn’t expect to have to hide it from everyone including his bandmates, who were also your friends. He promised you you would come clean after you make it official, yet that day never came.

He chose to run away from his feelings. He said he loved you, yet he kept you from the truth, hiding his secrets from you until the pictures where he kissed a girl on tour saw the light, simultaneously bringing his dirty laundry to face the consequences. He told you the truth once he came back; he was not ready for a real relationship but that he truly loved you and he meant every word. But, how can you trust the words of a liar?

Calum knew this, and ever since that day he’s been regretting letting you go. He needed time to figure his shit out, he needed to know if it was real or just a game, not only for him but for you as well. The night he broke your heart he realized it had already been broken when he stopped replying to your calls and messages. He foolishly thought that you would be okay, that you needed time as well, but once you were really gone did he understand.

He decided to come clean to the guys one night, he couldn’t keep it in his heart anymore, not after seeing your face drained of color and filled with tears. He could still hear the disappointment in everyone’s voices, especially Ashton’s who considered you like one of them “You didn’t just lose a love, you lost a friend” He said, and those words have been haunting him ever since.

Now you hate him, or at least he thinks you do. You haven’t said much to him and you won’t even look at him. He told himself time and again that he didn't mind, you were going through a lot at the moment and he just wants to be with you and that your company is more than enough. And he meant that, with all his heart and soul. Yet, his mind keeps railing him to do something, to help you lift your spirits somehow and hear you laugh again cause he knows that’s the only thing that could make him feel better. You make him better but you were so far away, even at an arm's length distance; you never felt so far.

A yawn passed his mouth, he tried to keep it hidden so you wouldn’t notice, but you did.

“Stop the car,” You said once this happened two more times.

“What?” Calum asked, alarm clear in his eyes and voice at your request.

You were on a road in the middle of the desert, there was not a soul who wandered over there and no sign of life either. It was just the two of you in the car.

“Pull over and stop the car,” You said, finally looking at him, but your eyes were everything but tender as the seriousness in your voice became palpable “You need a break, you are too tired to keep driving like this. So you are going to pull over at the side of the road and take a walk and wake the hell up”

Calum needn’t be told twice, not with that look in your eyes at least. His heart grew warm at the thought of you caring enough for him to let him take a break, but his hoped shattered at the words you spoke next:

“And then you take me home” It was a whisper, almost inaudible, but Calum heard it loud and clear.

He pulled over after a few meters and you were the first one to get out of the car. Calum watched as you stretched your legs and arms in the middle of the windless desert air. The moonlight shined over you and mistook you as one of her angels, at least that’s what Calum thought of seeing you standing there.

With a sigh, he unblocked his seatbelt and did the same things you did: he stretched and walked around the car a couple of times, trying to get enough energy to get back on the road again. Suddenly, his pacing came to a stop when he heard the faintest sniffle coming from where you were standing.

Your head was thrown back, eyes fixed on the sky as your arms wrapped around yourself. The clear night sky was in full view, letting even the rarest constellations come to life. You felt so small standing in front of the massive universe, hoping that maybe he could see you from where he is, no matter how small you were to him now.

Calum came to stand next to you, he didn’t say anything but you felt him staring right at you. This time you didn’t hide the silent tears that started rolling down your cheek.

“He loved the stars, you know?” You said, tears coating your voice as you stared into the night “He always talked about the Greek origin of the constellations and what they mean. I never really paid much attention to it and… now I wish I had”

Your father was a nerd, your mum always told you so, but he was the kind of nerd that loved studying and teaching and discovering that it never felt like a burden to him. He was always excited to show you some discovery he or other people made, to teach you the history of things and how everything is connected.

You were so scared to tell him that your dream didn’t belong in a university, that you wanted to see the world and make music that matters to people and you, and that it might be a long shot but that you believed you could do it. He was your number one supporter from the start, saying that you were his brightest star and that he couldn’t wait to see how you would leave your mark on this world.

The last time he called you was to tell you that he heard your song on the radio while he was shopping for groceries, he was so proud that he even told the cashier “That’s my baby singing” and you could hear the laugh in his voice when he told you he had to prove that you were actually his child and he was not just a creep in the supermarket.

That was the last time you said I love you and he said it back.

“He was a great man, Y/N,” Calum said, not looking at the stars that sparkled in the sky; no, he was looking at the star he met on Earth and that was standing next to him. He wondered if you will ever know how much you shine.

“The best I’ve ever known”

“I’m really sorry, Y/N,” He said, not knowing what to do, how to comfort you and it pained him seeing you like that.

“It’s okay,” You mumbled, wiping your tears with the back of your hands “You weren’t the one that gave him a heart attack”

A few days ago you got the call that would change your life forever. You don’t remember much of it, only your mum crying on the other line and sobbing through her words.

“We lost him, baby. He’s gone”

It was the second time that time had stopped for you.

“That’s not the only thing I’m sorry for,” Calum said with a sigh. His hands were hidden in the pockets of his hoodie, this time he averted his gaze towards the sky, searching for forgiveness he knew he mightn’t have asked for.

You pressed your lips in a thin line and gazed down, shaking your head. This wasn’t happening “No.” You said, still shaking your head and drawing a few steps back.

“Y/N-” He pleaded, following you.

“No, Calum!” You yelled, “I said no, you can’t do this to me right now!”

“Okay, fine!” He said, running towards you with begging eyes, softly grabbing your hand in his “We don’t have to do this right now, but we have to do it eventually, Y/N. We can’t keep running from it or avoid it forever. I know it angers you as much as it angers me and we can both agree that I’m the one to blame. So, please…”

You pulled your hand away from him, breaking his heart with that harsh movement. You were looking at him, eyes filled with tears he didn’t deserve and an unshared rage that came with it. You felt how your chest moved up and down with every breath you forced yourself to make to stop your heart from thundering from inside you.

Calum’s eyes met yours and you could see the regret in them. Those brown orbs stared at you with such hope that you had to look away in order not to cave. Not today, not for him.

“Why?” You spat, walking over to him and pushing him as you talked. He did not move an inch, which made you even angrier. “Why now all of a sudden? Why not a few months back on the day you broke my heart? Why not a couple of weeks ago when I ran into Luke and asked about you, knowing that he would tell on me? Why not a few days ago when I reached out to Ashton to break the news that my father had died? Why not then? Why not earlier today at the funeral? Why now and not when I needed you, Calum?” You pushed and punched him in the chest with every word, crying at the same time you let your anger take over.

Calum let you take it out on him, not feeling anything as you punched him, he knew you didn’t want to hurt him, you could never. He grabbed you by the shoulders as you cried, sobs shaking through your body as you asked the why of many things.

Why did he have to die?

Why did you leave me?

Why did you come back?

Why did you make me love you?

“I know, I KNOW,” Calum said, getting a little fed up with himself for not being able to give you the answers that you needed “I know I wasn’t there when I was supposed to. I know I’ve been a total jerk for what I did and that I had no right in doing what I’m doing but, for the love of god Y/N, I wanted to be there today!”

“Then why weren’t you?!”

“Cause I was on a fucking plane!” He yelled, matching your tone.

Your eyes opened like saucers at his words “What?” You breathed.

Calum sighed and let go of you, running his hand through his face and hair. He didn’t mean to yell, but he was tired of everything, tired of keeping it inside when you were right there, looking at him like the monster he felt inside. He didn’t know if he could make it better if the image you had in your head of him could ever change, and he was scared, so scared that you’d hate him more than before. But he had to try, he had to. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he took the coward’s way again.

“I was back in Australia. I left a few months after the last time I saw you, knowing that I made the biggest mistake of my life. Nothing made sense anymore and I knew you didn’t want to see me after every bullshit answer I gave you. I just couldn’t stay here knowing that I hurt you, so I bought a ticket and went home to get my shit together as I promised, thinking that maybe I could leave you behind and forget about those feelings that made me realize how scared I was of them, but that never happened and I doubt it ever will. Then Ashton called me after you called him, telling me everything but I didn’t listen to the whole thing. I just heard that you were in pain and next thing I know I booked the first plane back to LA, back to you, but it got delayed so many times that I couldn’t be there on time, so the first thing I did was jump out of that plane and drive straight to you”

You clenched your jaw as you listened to him, trying to drown the knot in your throat. Your mind and heart screaming at you to listen and run, not knowing which one was right. Calum, however, continued as he watched your hesitant eyes.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I tried my best to be because I knew you didn’t want to be alone, even when you say you do and I failed you, again” Calum’s eyes were honest, raw pain ran through them with every word he said “All I do is fail you, Y/N and I’m so tired of it. I failed to be honest with you, I failed to love you the way you deserve to be loved, I failed to be with you when you needed me most and I failed to keep my promise. I don’t want to fail you anymore, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

These past few months without you, adding to the ones I spent on tour, were an absolute nightmare. So many times I wanted to call, to tell you that I loved you, that there was never somebody else but you, and that you are the only thing that’s felt real to me in so long. But I couldn't cope with the fear of you rejecting me, saying that you don’t want to see me again and with fair reasons.

I know I don’t deserve you, or any kind of forgiveness you could give, but I swear to you, Y/N, I want to be there for you. I will be there for you, always”

You cried, you wanted to believe him, you really did “This is so fucked” You said as you broke into sobs.

Calum walked over you and wrapped you in his arms, hiding your face in his chest as you let your tears fall “I know”

“How can I trust you, Calum?” You asked him “I feel like you are pulling me and pushing me to the ends of my rope and every time it’s getting shorter and shorter and-”

“Then we can tie more knots between us,” He said with a shaky voice “We can make it longer, and then I can meet you halfway. Or I’ll walk towards you at the end and we’ll jump together, hoping we’ll fall together as well. Y/N, I’m so tired of running from myself and I know you are as well”

“How do I know you are not lying to me?”

Calum took a deep breath, you couldn’t. Even he couldn’t know that, but he did know one thing:

“Every word that I said to you is true. I do love you, so much it hurt to the point of me being scared of it. It took me nothing to figure out that I could never love someone as much as I love you, but you’re right in not to trust me” He said and you let out a little gasp “I hurt you, and I can promise myself I won’t do it again but I can only promise you I will try. The future is unclear, my love, nobody knows when their last day on earth will be. It took me so long to understand that and it made me think that, if today was my last day, I would rather spend it with you. Always you. And I know that the world doesn’t spin around me or you or even us; but all I could do, all I want to do is spend my time with you, be with you and let it be just us for a while. For forever”

“Life is so much more than that”

“But we could hope”

And with the faintest whisper of your heart, you felt like that was enough for now. For you, it was enough.

You tighten your grip on Calum, holding each other closer as you let your tears dry on his hoodie. His hands softly caressing the back of your hand as he rejoiced in the feeling of having you close again. Just as long as you were there, Calum knew he had nothing to fear, not even himself. It was the peace you brought to each other, the one that never left, the comfort of your embrace, and the familiarity of your bodies; everything fit perfectly right where it was supposed to be. You were right where you’re supposed to be.

You stayed wrapped around each other for a while until your limbs felt numb and you knew it was time to get back. This time the road back home was silent, but not the deafening kind. Calum had his hand placed on your knee as he drove you back. Neither of you needed to say anything, it was already understood. Soon enough, you fell asleep at the sound of his humming.

To go back to where you left it was not going to be easy, you both knew that, but that’s the thing with trust and relationships: you build them as you go and it will take the time it needs. You both need to heal after the break, but as long as he’ll be in it for the long run, you will be as well.

You woke up when you felt a pair of arms wrapped around you as the smell of his cologne flooded your senses. You reached your house without noticing and now Calum was carrying you inside your home and into your bedroom as you cuddled closer to him, grabbing his hoodie with your fist.

“What time is it?” You asked in a sleepy voice.

“6 A.M,” He said and chuckled as you lifted your head to inspect your surroundings, not really believing it until you saw the faintest daylight covering your room, making you sigh.

Calum put you down in your bed and tucked you in, giving you a soft kiss on your forehead as he mumbled a goodbye. But before he could pull away, you tighten your grip on his hoodie, making him stop in his tracks and bringing him back down to you.

“What are you doing?” He asked with a chuckle, softly caressing the side of your face and silently promising to himself that he would do it right this time, not letting anything bad happen to you ever again.

“Hoping,” You said, pulling him again. This time he didn’t hesitate to pull the covers up and slide down next to you, wrapping you in his arms as you accommodated yourself in his chest. “You’ll be here when I wake up?” You asked softly.

And before you closed your eyes to sleep, you heard “I’ll never leave again”

“I'm here for you

When the world is falling down

I'll be with you

When your world is falling down”

.

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*if you’re url is cross please contact me so we can fix it

[thatonegreyghost]

I feel like being extra today, so have some California gothic(SoCal edition):

There is no rain. There is never rain. If it comes, it comes when everyone is inside or asleep. Roads flood and swimming pools spill over and there is half a foot of water on every corner. Then it dries and its gone forever. There is no rain.

There is something in the ocean. You can't see it, because you aren't far out enough for the water to be clear, but it doesn't matter; anytime you do go far out enough, it's too deep to see the bottom. There's a ledge where the sandy floor drops into a steep cliff; young kids who are brave enough to swim out the ten feet to reach it dare their friends to jump. You see fishermen on the pier and the beach, and even though you've never seen as much as a piece of bait on the shore, you keep your distance to avoid a hook in your foot. The water glitters with flecks of gold; when the waves crash, the sand is stirred up enough to reveal the precious metal. You've heard stories about people jumping off the pier, but you never see it happen. You love the ocean. Maybe you'll come again when there's less people. There's something in the ocean; maybe one day you'll actually see it.

The air around LA is dirty. Its orange and gray and disgusting. Breathing it in makes you feel nauseous, dirty, depressed. When it rains(it never rains), you can see all the skyscrapers, and the mountains! The mountains are so clear. It only lasts a few days, and the smog is back. Time slows down on the freeway leading into downtown. You sit in traffic, staring at the license plate ahead of you. Its been ten minutes since everyone stopped moving. You look up at the skyline; has it always been that orange? Someone honks behind you, and you turn your attention to the road. Its been five minutes. No one's moved.

There's a fire somewhere. It makes sense; you got a lot of rain that winter, and the summer was predictably hot. You wake up at three in the morning; on the coast, because you smell burning, in the hill, because a neighbor is pounding on your door. The sky turns red, and when high schoolers leave their third period, they can't see. Nothing gets canceled except for sports. There is ash in the pool; it will stay for weeks until the first home meet.

"Coyotes are back" the sign says. You think of your dog, a good sized dog that can protect itself. You think of your neighbors dog, a scrawny thing that would get snatched in an instant if it were left out at night. You think of your friend's cat, and how the only dead cats you've ever seen are mauled on the side of the road. Coyotes are back. You don't think they ever really left.

The lights went out last night. You know this because your alarm went off at two am instead of six, and because of the blinking 12:01 on your clock. Your fan is still going at least; without it, you would be smothered to death by heat, heat that builds and builds and builds until its cooler outside than in. The pools are open for the summer, but unless you know friends or family with one, you'll have to pay. You think that's kind of cruel, but say nothing. You're too hot to think.

There is a June bug in your house. Its July. There is a June bug in your house.

A gun shot goes off. No, wait, that was a firework. You wonder how your neighbors got those fireworks, the kind that bang instead of whistle and shriek instead of scream. You hope they don't go to the hill to set them off. There have been enough fires in recent years. You hear the bang again. You count the weeks to the fourth of July; three weeks to go. You'll get some sleep in a month.

There is nothing in the dark. Absolutely nothing. You know this because the night makes you feel safe, because it is cool and refreshing. There is nothing in the dark. You walk faster anyway.

A tourist from the Midwest complains about sunburn. You laugh; you don't get sunburn. You can't remember the last time you had sunburn. Sunburn is what happens to outsiders, or those with less melanin. You stare at the strawberry blonde whose face is as red as her hair. Even your white friends aren't so pale; living here, you've absorbed the sun into your skin and the golden warmth into your smile. Outsiders say you are beautiful. Insiders know why.

Disneyland is too expensive. You can't afford it, you don't want to go. You still think fondly of your past trips. Knott's is smaller, more local, but a yearly pass is a fraction of a Disney day ticket. You go to Knott's with friends. You don't regret anything. You say you should go again. You still want to go to Disneyland.

Southern California is its own state. Outsidrrs say "NorCal" and "Frisco" and wonder why locals stare. See's Candies are everywhere, every city has at least one. SoCal is dry and arid and has such a different climate from up north. There are forests in the north. You have never seen them.

There are abandoned train tracks everywhere. You want to walk along them. Your parents and friends say no. You ask why. They say its dangerous, they say there are coyotes on the tracks. They never say you might find a homeless camp. They don't need to; you already know. The homeless aren't dangerous. You stay away from them anyway.

You are chatting with an online friend. They say the snow is bad. They say their parents hate them for coming out. They say they don't feel safe at night because of the things outside. You are shocked. You know thses things can happen, but you never really believed they could before now. You tell them you are sorry. You try to understand what their life is like. You can't; you don't understand how their life is so different, yet they live in the same country as you.

LA to San Diego is 3 hours. LA to San Francisco is 8 hours. You have been to San Diego before. Its very nice. You've passed through it on your way to Mexico. You don't like coming back from Mexico; border patrol is scarier on that side. You worry that you will answer a question wrong and you will be kept on the wrong side of the border. You are a US citizen. You think about San Francisco. You've never been. It sounds lovely.

Your friend has a green card. You don't care; your friend is the same age as you, you met in elementary school. You hear a person in power talking about deportation. You are nervous for your friend. Your friend is a good person, their family is nice. Your friend wonders if they should take the citizenship test. You say nothing.

As a child, the police scared you. No one told you to be afraid of them, you just were. Now, you are still scared. At least this time, you know why.

You keep a bottle of baby powder in your car, right next to the beach towels and a scrubbie brush. "To get the sand off." You say to the questioning looks from the out of towner. You think they are visiting family. Most of your family lives here, and you don't remember who the outsider is related to. They gawk at the ocean. Its just the ocean.

Big Bear is pretty. Its always pretty. In the summer there's camps and in the winter there's snow. You go up for the day, once a year; its why you have a sled you never use.

Fourth of July is pretty cool. You get fireworks from the local high-school or local church, and you spend two hours setting them off. The pictures and video don't come out right, but it doesn't matter. You know this is a holiday celebrating America. You only care about the colors, and in the back of your mind, if someone might accidentally start a fire.

[eminems-skittles]

cosplays and crushes [penelope garcia x reader]

penelope garcia x fem!reader warnings: none word count: 2.3k

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

     The hot San Diego sun had started to set on the line full of costume-clad convention goers. Penelope and Spencer, decked out in their Doctor Who and Rose Tyler cosplays, had been camped out since 4 in the afternoon. They just so happened to be in San Diego for a case when Rossi surprised the two nerds with tickets to Comic Con. Hotch had already agreed to giving them the weekend off in order to attend the event, saying they deserved the break and to be around people who understand what they're talking about. After some pushback from Spencer and Penelope, not because they didn't want to go but because they didn't want to be out of state if there was an emergency, they gladly accepted the tickets. The rest of the team, having been aware of the surprise, had already booked hotel rooms at a fancy hotel in San Diego as well. They had all decided that it was time for a well deserved break from their demanding jobs.

   Currently, Spencer and Penelope were in line for the Doctor Who panel. They were surrounded by people who shared their love of the show. While everyone there were all dressed in cosplays and costumes, one specific person caught Penelope's eye. Well, technically, she noticed the girl as soon as they arrived in line. This particular girl had (Y/H/C) and was dressed as (Y/F/C). She was there, apparently by herself. After two hours of constant chatting with Spencer about what they are looking forward too, their theories of previous cases, and Penelope's not so secretive constant checking to see if maybe the beautiful stranger's friends had finally showed up, Penelope had finally gathered the courage to introduce herself to the lonely girl. Spencer, being the expert profiler he is, had already picked up on Garcia's growing curiosity about the lonesome girl.

   Spencer leaned close to Penelope, to ensure that the girl wouldn't hear him, and whispered, "Just talk to her Pen. She won't bite."

   "Aw but I like it when they bite," Penelope whined jokingly, winking at the now blushing Spencer. She pinched his cheek, "Oh ease up, kiddo. I'm kidding. I would talk to her but what if she shoots me down? She is way out of my league. Besides, what am I supposed to say?"

   "Pen, believe me, she is not out of your league. She's here isn't she? You two are in the same league. Just talk to her." Spencer tried to convince her. If the girl they were talking about wasn't so close, Spencer might have also mentioned that he noticed the girl looking at Penelope also. But for now, he'd keep that too himself.

   Penelope took a deep breath, making eye contact with Spencer, who gave her a small reassuring small, before turning around to face the girl. She waved before introducing herself, "Uh, hi! My name is Penelope and this is my friend Spencer! I really like your costume! (Y/F/C) is one of my favorites!"

   "Oh hi!" she waved at spencer slightly before directing her attention back to Penelope. "My name is Y/N! Thank you so much! It took forever to make. I like yours too! Where are you from?"

   "We're from Virginia, we were out here for work and one of our co-workers surprised us with tickets. How about you? Where are you from?"

   "Oh that's awesome! I'm actually from Virginia also! How funny! I live in Richmond for work but when I'm not working I live in (Y/H/T)." Y/N said, her eyes lighting up when she heard that the pretty girl in front of her lived in the same state as her. "If it's not too much to ask, where do you guys live? I'm not a stalker I swear." She added quickly.

   Spencer and Penelope shared an amused look, before laughing slightly.

   "We live in Quantico. Spence and I work for the FBI." Penelope hoped it was okay that she told this stranger that she was an FBI agent. However, Spencer didn't stop her so she assumed it was okay. "What do you do for work?"

    "Oh well I am an elementary school teacher so when school is session, I live in Richmond but during summer I go back home to help out my family. It's not the best situation but I make it work," She laughed slightly. Penelope decided then and there that she loved Y/N's laugh. "Anyway, what do y'all do for the FBI, that is if you're allowed to say."

   "Well I am a tech analyst for the Behavioral Analyst Unit, or the BAU as we call it. So I basically research suspects, victims, open cases, stuff like that and send it to the team." Penelope explains, being careful not to spill too much about her job.

   "And I'm a profiler for the BAU. So while Penelope is at the office, the other agents and I are in the field, examining crime scenes and catching serial killers and bad guys," Spencer explained.

   "Wow, you guys have such cool and important jobs." Y/N said.

   "Yeah, I guess we do," Penelope said, smiling brightly at Y/N. "So are you here by yourself?"

   "Unfortunately. My girlfriend was supposed to come but uh she broke up with me two weeks ago and it was too late to refund the tickets. I needed time away from there anyway" Y/N looked sad as she explained. Penelope looked at Spencer, her eyes silently pleading with him. Spencer looked at Y/N, then at Penelope, before slightly nodding his head.

   "Oh no! I'm so sorry, hon! If you'd like, you can stick with Spencer and I. We're staying at the main hotel with our coworkers. You are more than welcome to join us!" Penelope said, silently cursing herself for sounding so eager. How she already managed to have feelings for this girl so fast was beyond her. Normally, it took her a few days before developing feelings for someone. Yet here she was, having the most mundane conversation with this random girl.

    Thoughts started zooming around in Penelope's brain. Surely it has to be fate that they were both here. Penelope never planned on going to Comic Con until a few days ago. She didn't even plan on going to this panel because she had thought they missed it. And yet, here she was, talking with the prettiest girl she had ever seen. She almost couldn't form proper sentences. Y/N's smile seemed to cause her brain to short-circuit.

    "Are you sure? I don't want to impose. This is your guys vacation." Y/N hesitantly said.

     "It's fine, really, Y/N. It would be fun. Comic Con isn't a place to be alone at." Spencer cut in, a small smile stretching across his face. This was the first time he had seen Penelope act like this in front of a girl, and with everything that Penelope did for him and the team, he figured it was time he did something for her.

    Y/N contemplated for a second. A very small part of her was saying no, because she had just met these people. But then she reasoned that they are FBI agents so they wouldn't hurt her. She also already had started developing a small crush on Penelope. She knew she shouldn't of been catching feelings so quickly. It had only been two weeks since her ex had broken up with up her. However, in this moment, Y/N could care less. If her ex didn't want to be with her anymore, that was no longer her problem. She couldn't spend the rest of her life being sad about someone who did not care about her anymore.

     "If you're sure about this, then of course! You guys seem really fun and I'd love to hangout!" Y/N agreed.

    Penelope and Y/N shared a smile, getting momentarily lost in each others eyes. They stayed like that until Spencer nudged Penelope with his elbow. Once they were broken out of their trance, Penelope and Y/N had realized that the line had finally started moving. Once they got into the panel, Y/N, Penelope, and Spencer sat down as close to the front as possible. Throughout the panel, Y/N and Penelope silently fangirled as Spencer watched intently, no doubt trying to memorize everything that everyone said. Not that he had to try.

     At the end of the panel, around 9:00 at night, the trio was trying to figure out where to go for dinner. Spencer, who was eager to tell Derek about Penelope's new love interest, excused himself to the hotel for the night, saying he was too tired and to go out without him.

    "Let's go change into normal clothes and meet up in 15 minutes? We can go to the hotel bar or go to a restaurant in town?" Y/N asked, secretly hoping this dinner would turn into a date. The day she had spent with Penelope was one of the best days she had had in a long time. Even when she was with her ex-girlfriend. Penelope agreed before they headed to their respective rooms to change into clothes for the evening.

   After they got ready, they met in the hotel lobby and decided on staying at the hotel restaurant and bar. Penelope decided against going into town because of what she sees everyday in her line of work. Y/N did not mind, she just wanted to spend time with Penelope.

   The two had ended up getting kicked out of the hotel bar, having stayed until 2 in the morning. They had decided to make their way to the pool to just sit and talk.

   "Thank you for the wonderful night, Penny," Y/N said, smiling at the slightly taller girl. Y/N was slightly tipsy, leaning her head against Penelope's shoulder.

   "You know, I think you're one of the first people to call me Penny, doll face," She said giggling a bit harder than she should have. "You're welcome, sweetcheeks. I had an amazing time tonight also."

   Little did the two girls know, the BAU team (with the exception of Hotch, who insisted that he had better things to do than spy on Penelope's first date) were hiding along the row of chairs behind them to get a good look at the scene unfolding in front of them.

  Y/N and Penelope stared at each other for a second before a voice shouted, "JUST KISS ALREADY!" The two of them jumped about five feet in the air before looking back to see JJ and Emily pulling Spencer back to the ground to hide him from the two.

  "Might as well give the people what they want," Penelope said, wiggling her eyebrows. Y/N smiled for what felt like the millionth time that day, before nodding her head.

  The two leaned forward, pausing for a second to look each other in the eyes, before leaning in all the way. Penelope brought her hands up to Y/N's face, one on her cheek, the other on the back of her neck. Y/N put both of her hands on Penelope's cheeks. They stayed like that for a few moments, the soft kiss seemingly having lasted longer than a few seconds. They pulled apart, catching their breaths.

   "Wow," Y/N breathed out. A smile and blush had forced their way onto her face, as she looked at Penelope.

   "Wow," Penelope repeated, staring into Y/N's eyes.

   "I SHIP!" Spencer shouted from where he, Derek, Emily, JJ, and Rossi were supposed to be hiding. Penelope broke her stare from Y/N, turning to face her not so secretive friends.

   "Ok, who let him drink tonight?" Penelope shout back to her friends.

   "You know, for FBI agents, your friends aren't all that sneaky." Y/N said, smiling slightly before kissing Penelope again. The group of FBI agents all hooted and hollered jokingly at Penelope and Y/N.

    "Alright you idiots, lets all get to bed before we anger Garcia enough to make her hack all of our records," Rossi said to the team, trying to get them to leave. He was met with a few groans and 'okay dad's, but everyone got up and followed him out of the pool area. As soon as they were sure they were by themselves, they pulled apart from the kiss.

   "I know we just met and you're fresh out of a relationship, but Y/N, I uh I really like you. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. I can wait as long as you-" she was interrupted by yet another small kiss.

   "Penny, I like you a lot too. And I want to be with you too. But it's going to take a bit of time before I get into another relationship." Y/N explained.

   "Of course, take all the time you need, sweetie," Penelope said. The two girls cuddled up next to each other for a few minutes before deciding to call it a night. Penelope walked Y/N to her hotel room with promises of an early breakfast the next day.

  "Goodnight Y/N," Penelope said, before kissing Y/N's cheek.

  "Goodnight Penny," Y/N said, kissing Penelope's cheek as well. She unlocked her door and stepped instead, saying goodnight one final time before watching Penelope walk back down the hall to the elevator. Before she got into the elevator, Penelope waved back at Y/N before dramatically blowing a kiss down the hall. Y/N playfully got the kiss and placed her hand on her cheek, waiting for the elevator doors to close, before making her way into her own room. She was unable to stop smiling the whole time she got ready for bed. This was the best day ever.

[refinedbuffoonery]

Quarantine Moments (5)

This is my two favorite things in one: space stuff and making these pining idiots feel things, so it ended up being way longer than I intended. Oops. Enjoy some meteor shower shenanigans. :) 

*****

It’ll be fun, they promise. 

We don’t need a tent, they say.  We’ll sleep in the bed of the truck, they say. We’ll all fit, they say. 

It’ll be fun, they promise again. 

Riley knows better than to take “It’ll be fun” at face value. Especially when it comes out of Mac’s mouth. 

Five months into quarantine, when Riley’s favorite space nerds ask if she wants to drive out to the desert to watch a meteor shower, she agrees immediately. It’s a quick out and back trip. The plan is to have an early dinner, drive out to the desert for the night, and leave early in the morning before the August sun cooks them alive. Riley balks at their plan to sleep in the truck instead of a tent—sleeping in a truck bed always hurts, no matter how many blankets and pillows there are—but the boys’ excitement is infectious, and Riley can’t bring herself to say no. 

They argue about where in the desert to go. Mac wants to drive all the way to Death Valley, but Riley and Bozer shoot it down immediately. A four hour car ride is too far for an overnight trip. Then Bozer suggests Joshua Tree, but Mac claims it’s too popular. (Like there will be flocks of tourists there during a pandemic, but whatever.) So Riley forces them to compromise on Anza Borrego. It’s farther than J Tree, but not nearly as far as Death Valley, and they can pick up breakfast burritos in San Diego on their way home. 

Mac and Bozer never object to breakfast burritos. 

The boys do all the planning and preparation, so when Mac tosses Riley the keys to the truck, she’s almost surprised. “You’re driving,” he says. “Bozer’s in the back.” 

“Man, why am I always in the back?” Bozer complains. 

“Because Riley is a better driver than you.” Content to let them bicker, Riley smirks and starts the engine. 

“No,” Bozer corrects from the middle seat, “Riley is a faster driver. Not better.” 

At the same time, Riley and Mac both say, “Same thing.” 

“Unbelievable.” 

The drive goes much faster with Riley behind the wheel, although she refrains from rubbing it in. The sky shifts from lavender to deep blue to inky black as they drive away from the setting sun. 

It always amazes Riley that they can be so close to SoCal’s endless suburban sprawl, and yet be in the absolute middle of nowhere.

The moon is barely more than a sliver in the sky, and when they drop down into the desert, the vast darkness swallows the headlight beams. Riley rolls her window down, feeling the dry, balmy air caress her cheeks and neck. 

She figured someone else would have the same idea as them, but there isn’t another human soul as far as Riley can see. Even farther, most likely. 

When Riley gets out of the truck, the first thing she does is look up. The sky isn’t black at all, but rather a deep indigo alight with more stars than she could count in a thousand lifetimes. The Milky Way arcs overhead, and Riley’s eyes track it from one end of the horizon to another. It makes her feel small. 

It’s comforting, Riley thinks, to be reminded of her insignificance in the grand scheme of the universe, a welcome break from the constant world-ending consequences of her daily life. 

The trio get to work making their bed for the night. Mac’s two-person camping mattress goes down first, then the pillows and blankets. They didn’t even bother to bring sleeping bags since the nighttime temperature would only dip into the mid-seventies. 

Riley finds a tumbleweed near the front of the truck to pee behind before joining Mac and Bozer in the back. They’re lying on opposite sides of the truck bed, leaving as much space as possible for her in the middle. Realizing how close she’ll be to Mac, Riley takes a deep, steadying breath, grateful that it’s too dark for the boys to see her face. She should’ve begged Bozer to take the middle when she had the chance. 

Cursing herself for wearing booty shorts and a tank top, Riley tries not to notice how her bare skin brushes Mac’s as she squeezes into her spot. She blushes anyway. There is definitely not room for three people. They should’ve just brought the damn tent. 

She misses the days when she could be in Mac’s personal space without every nerve in her body being acutely aware of how close he is. Everything was so much easier then. 

Covering herself in one of the thinner blankets—more for comfort and security than anything else—Riley sinks into the pillows and looks up. She knows the Perseids originate from the constellation Perseus, but there are so many stars that she gets lost trying to orient herself in the sky. As she opens her mouth to ask for help, a bright silver light zips across the horizon, gone in less than a second. 

“Did you see that?” Bozer squeals. 

Riley laughs softly. “Yeah, but I have no idea where it came from, or where I should be looking.” 

It’s Bozer’s turn to laugh. “For starters, don’t look straight up. Look near the horizon.” He points toward a random spot in the distance, his hand a dark shadow covering the glittering sea beyond. “As Perseus gets higher in the sky during the night, the meteors will appear to come from higher up too.” 

Riley nods before realizing he’s not paying attention. “Thanks.” 

As she studies the heavens, the sense of ease settles over her once again. Riley feels her body start to let go of the stress she’s been holding onto for months—the awkwardness of living with Mac, the endless pile of work stuff she has no motivation to do, worrying about her mom and Bozer’s parents, waking up every morning to increasingly batshit news headlines. Out here, she can escape, if only for a few hours. 

Riley catches three meteors in quick succession, each darting across the sky in a completely different direction. Mac hasn’t said a word since they laid down, so when Bozer gets up to pee, Riley nudges him with her knee and says, “You’ve been quiet.” 

Mac doesn’t look at her as he speaks, his gaze locked on something straight overhead. “Ancient Chinese astronomers believed Vega and Altair were lovers, forever kept apart by the Milky Way.” He points. “Vega is one of the brightest stars in the sky. It’s in the constellation Lyra. And over there is Altair, which is part of Aquila, the eagle.” 

Riley hesitates, trying to separate fact from innuendo. A pit forms in her stomach as she understands why he’s drawn to these stars in particular. 

Mac must mistake her silence for being unable to find the stars, because suddenly his arms are around her and he’s pulling her toward him so her head rests on his shoulder. 

His touch feels like stars dancing on her skin. 

Mac’s bicep grazes her cheek as he points again, and Riley has no trouble following the line of his arm to a particularly bright star nearly straight up. That must be Vega, the bright one. The other blends into the Milky Way too well for Riley to pick it out. Her voice catches as she half-lies, “I see it.” His arm drops, but instead of letting her go, Mac’s hand rests on her ribcage. 

Riley nearly stops breathing as her heart pounds loud enough that she’s sure Mac can hear it. She doesn’t know what to do. This is uncharted territory, him holding her like this. They’re in each other’s personal space all the time, but they’re never handsy. Riley has never been a very touchy person, and she knows Mac isn’t either. 

So this...Riley doesn’t know what to make of this. 

“Show me something else,” she manages. Mac takes a shaky breath beneath her. 

He points in a different direction. “Over there are Sagittarius, which looks like a teapot, and Scorpius, which looks like a hook or the letter ‘J.’” Riley finds the constellations easily. “Between them is the supermassive black hole that exists in the middle of the galaxy. All of the matter in the Milky Way orbits around it.” 

Riley smiles. Mac and his black holes. 

Bozer is taking an awfully long time to pee, and Riley starts to think there might be an ulterior motive to his disappearance. She hollers, “You good, man?” 

“Yeah! Got a little performance anxiety from this creepy bug staring at me.” 

Riley and Mac burst out laughing. Tears sneak out of Riley’s eyes as she holds her stomach, giggling until her lungs ache. Just when she starts to get it together, Riley makes the mistake of looking up at Mac, and they both crack up all over again. 

If Riley could stay in this moment forever, she would. Laughing with Mac feels like stepping into a patch of sunlight on a chilly day. 

Mac is still looking at her when they finally recover. Not in Bozer’s direction, not up at the stars, but at her. Riley bites her lip. She could do it right now. Tell him how she feels. 

But a bigger part of her knows that it’s not the right time, no matter how much she wants it to be, no matter how many small moments give her hope that she’s not alone in her feelings. Relationships with a messy beginning never last. Right now, they’re not meant to be, but Riley lets herself hope that maybe, just maybe, in the future, they will be. 

Until then, she’ll do whatever it takes to protect her heart. Starting with loving him quietly, and never expecting anything other than platonic love in return. Just having him in her life is enough. 

Bozer climbs back into the truck, and Riley moves to extricate herself from Mac. His arm tightens around her at first, but when Riley pulls away again, Mac lets her go. She doesn’t think about what it might mean if she stayed. 

The three of them lay together for hours, just looking up at the stars, until Bozer yawns. Riley can’t help but follow suit. 

“Mac,” Bozer says. “Did you set the alarm?” 

“Yeah. My phone is right here.” Mac pats a pillow above Riley’s head. 

She can’t believe what she’s hearing. “Alarm?” 

Mac explains, “The meteor shower’s peak is between three and four am. So unless you’d rather stay up all night...” He trails off. 

Riley groans. Of course. 

She pulls up a second blanket and rolls onto her side, facing Bozer. Safely tucked between her boys, Riley drifts off almost immediately. 

~

Riley wakes before the alarm goes off, struggling to breathe. It feels like someone’s sitting on her chest. 

When she opens her eyes, Riley realizes it’s two someones. 

She’s lying on her back. Between Mac’s arm thrown over her shoulders and Bozer using her chest as a pillow, their combined weight is uncomfortably heavy. They probably got cold and rolled toward her in their sleep. The thought makes her smile. Riley rolls onto her side to dislodge Bozer and ends up flush against Mac’s chest. His warm breath tickles the back of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. 

Shit. She should’ve included not torturing herself in her resolution to love him quietly. 

Riley tries to move again, but it’s futile. She’s stuck. As if to further prove her point, Mac’s arm slides down her body and wraps around her waist, pulling Riley closer like she’s his favorite teddy bear. The gesture makes her melt. Bozer reaches out then, sleepily trying to find his missing pillow, and his hand settles on Riley’s forearm. If Jack could see them now, he’d kill Mac and Bozer without a second thought, but Riley likes being wrapped up in her boys, likes feeling warm and wanted and protected. 

She’s still smiling when she falls back asleep. 

~

The alarm blares in her ear, and Riley can’t do anything about it. Her arms are trapped. She groans. “Turn it off.” 

A weight lifts from her side, and then an arm bumps her face as someone mercifully turns the alarm off, followed by a mumbled “Sorry.” Riley isn’t awake enough to recognize the rough, sleepy voice. It sounds nice though, she thinks. She wouldn’t mind hearing it again. 

The weight returns, and the same voice says, “I hit snooze. You have five minutes.” 

It’s Mac, she realizes with a jolt. Bozer would never be so merciful. 

Now she really wants to hear that voice again. 

Mac strokes her shoulder, coaxing Riley into consciousness, and damn him, it works. Her eyes flutter open. It’s still dark out, and Bozer faces them, his head resting beside Riley’s chest, the comma to her and Mac’s quotation marks. 

“Riles, move. I have to pee.” Swallowing her disappointment, Riley uses her feet to push Bozer back to his side, taking back her space. 

“I’m awake,” he slurs. 

Riley feels Mac’s chest rumble as he chuckles. “Sure you are.” He gets up, and Riley immediately mourns the loss of contact. 

He’s back by the time the alarm goes off again, and this time Riley turns it off herself before sitting up to stretch, her joints popping softly. The stars look completely different now. Riley still doesn’t know how to find Perseus, or even what the constellation looks like, but it doesn’t matter. The meteors are more frequent now, nearly two a minute. Most are quick, bright flashes, but a few are slower, gracefully crossing the sky before burning up. 

Someone—Bozer—kicks her in the back. “Riley stop blocking the view.” Rolling her eyes, she lays back down. 

She’s exhausted, and her body hurts, but it’s all worth it when a massive, glowing meteor arcs across the sky in slow motion, lingering for a few seconds before winking out of existence. “Wow,” Riley whispers. 

Mac and Bozer promised her fun, and sure enough, they deliver.

Riley hovers in that sweet spot between sleep and being awake until the sky lightens and the first rays of sunlight stretch across the desert. The air seems to hum, the way it always does in announcement of the scorching summer sun. Riley and the boys pack up in record time, and Mac blasts the air conditioner even though it’s barely six am. 

Leaning into the pile of pillows occupying most of the backseat, Riley orders, “Wake me up when you have my burrito. Goodnight.” 

She dreams of shooting stars and the warm embrace of a certain blonde nerd. 

[noladyme]

My Only Sunshine - Chapter 1

Liv is as human as they come – faults and all. After a dark experience in her past, she is determined to live life on her own terms, and never let anyone claim her as theirs again. This becomes an issue, when she meets a 1000-yearold vampire, who is dead-set on claiming her as his own.

TW: Blood

It was a warm night, and I was wearing my favorite summer dress, seated on a velvet couch, in an old house.

“Well, miss Sunday. Thank you very much for coming all the way out here to speak to me. I’ll go over your resumé one more time, but I think I’ve heard all I need”. The dark-haired, pale man gave me a friendly smile. I knew better than to reach out my hand for him to shake, and simply got up to stand, and nodded at him. “Thank you, Mr. Compton”, I smiled. “Just let me know if there’s anything else you need… So, interview over?”. “Interview’s over”, he said. “Good! Calling you Mr. Compton was getting weird!”, I laughed. “Well, you did insist”. “It was a job-interview. It was only proper”, I shrugged.

Bill Compton walked me to his front door, and I was about to say goodbye, when he halted, just before going for the doorknob. “There is one thing, I wanted to ask you; and seeing as you’ve been so forthcoming with me, on everything else…”. The vampire narrowed his eyes at me. “What?”, I said. “Why did you decide to apply for the position as my day-person?”, he asked. I smiled embarrassedly. “Honestly… I need the money”, I said. “I’ve been hoping to pay down my student loan, but taking up extra shifts down at Merlotte’s just isn’t cutting it”.

“That’s not what I meant”, he said. “You just don’t strike me as the type of person to take a job for a vampire”. He raised an intrigued brow at me. “Not enough fang marks on me?”, I chuckled. The vampire chuckled, and it seemed that if he’d been able to blush, he would have. “You’re offering a good salary for what seems like an easy job; and one that I can do while still staying on with Sam. The fact that you’re a vampire doesn’t really matter to me”. “Why not?”, he asked. “Why should it?”, I retorted. “Some might say it’s dangerous to work for one of us”, the vampire said. “You’re no more likely to hurt me than any other vampire around – or human for that matter”, I said. “Besides; Sookie speaks highly of you, and I trust her”. “Well, she speaks highly of you as well”, he said.

He seemed to think for a moment, before coming to a conclusion. “If you want this job, it’s yours”, he said. My jaw dropped. “Really?”, I asked. The vampire confirmed it with a nod. “Thank you, Bill. You won’t regret it…! One thing, though… Day-person? Can’t we call it… secretary? Or assistant?”. He chuckled warmly as he opened the door for me to leave. “Please come by tomorrow. I’ll have a list for you with some things I need handled”, Bill said, as I went down the steps of the porch. “8 pm?”, I asked. “That sounds perfect”, Bill said. “See you then”. He handed me back the “resumé”, which I’d written on the back of a paper placemat from Merlotte’s. As I took it, I got a slight papercut on my finger. “Shit”, I muttered. Bill smiled slightly. “Would you like me to fetch you a band-aid?”. “Nah…”, I said, and looked at the trickle of blood. “You hungry?”, I teased. “I think Sookie might have a problem with me feeding from a friend”. “Alright”, I shrugged.

I began fishing my car keys out of my bag, and cursed to myself, as they fell from my hand, and landed in the gravel on the ground. I was about to crouch to pick them up; when I felt a gush of wind, and suddenly stood nose to chest with a very tall man. I had to tilt my head back to look him in the eyes. They were bright blue, and had a sharpness to them. “Hello”, he said, a cheery mischievous tone to his voice. “Hi”, I said, and went to pick up my keys again. The man – vampire, I realized – held them out to me, before I even so much as bent over. “Fuck, you’re fast”, I gasped. He put the keys in my outstretched hand, and grabbed my wrist, to look at my bleeding finger. “When I want to be”, he smiled. “Bill, who is this? Introduce us”.

Bill stepped of his porch, and walked warily towards us. “Eric Northman… This is Liv Sunday”. I found it hard to break eye contact with the tall vampire, mostly because he was one of the most handsome people I’d ever met. “Liv”, Eric said. He dragged out the sound of my name, pronouncing it Leev. “Yours…? She smells… pure”. I managed to look away, and turned my gaze to Bills face instead. His jaw was clenched. “My assistant”, Bill repeated, put a hand on my arm, and went to stand half way in front of me. The tall vampire let go of my wrist. “Off limits”. “I’m a big girl, Bill", I said. “I can speak for myself". “Yes, she’s a big girl, Bill", Eric smiled. “Let her speak for herself". I frowned at the tall vampire, and shook my head. “That means you too, Vlad", I said. A grin ghosted his face.

Eric leaned his head forwards, and burrowed his eyes even deeper into mine. “Liv… You’re interesting”, he said. “Please. Tell me more about you”. “Eric!”, Bill growled. “Why have you come?”. “To discuss matters surrounding the conference. It is election year, after all”, the other vampire replied, never taking his eyes off mine. “Now stop interrupting my conversation with… Liv”. The vampire-testosterone was heavy in the air, and I swallowed hard. “Maybe some other time”, I said. “Oh come now…”, Eric smiled, his eyes digging even deeper. I frowned at him. “I said no!”, I sneered. The tall vampire seemed taken aback, and Bills eyes widened. “Ok… I’m just gonna go”, I said.

Bill followed me all the way over to my car, and held the door for me as I climbed in. I opened the window to let some air into the cabin. “Drive safely now”, Bill said. “See you at 8 tomorrow. I’ll give your regards to Sookie”. Eric smiled at me. “It was nice meeting you, Liv”, he said. “Until next time”. His intense gaze made heat pool in my lower stomach, and I had to consciously tell myself to put the key in the ignition.

I drove home to my one-bedroom rental feeling happy that I’d nailed my job interview; and stirred from meeting Eric. I supposed he always had that influence on people; Bill probably just turned his mojo down, because he had Sookie, and didn’t need to impress people in the same way. Bill was the second vampire I’d met that I’d actually spoken to, since they came out of the coffin. Eric was the third, so I didn’t have much to compare him too; but I read magazines as much as the next person.

When I got inside, I took a cold shower; trying to shake the meeting out of my system. Before I climbed into bed, I checked my messages, and saw that Sookie had sent me a text, congratulating me on my new side-gig with Bill. I sent her one back, thanking her for hooking me up with the interview.

Sookie had been a good friend every since I got to town. I’d been down on my luck since leaving San Diego; but Bon Temps had been good to me so far. I had a waitressing job at Merlotte’s, on top of the one I’d just gotten with Bill – taking care of the things he needed done during the daylight – and some good friends in Sookie and Bill; and even my other boss; Sam. I’d even go so far as calling Sookies brother, Jason, a friend – even if he did try getting me into bed with him, whenever he could. I think the fact that I was so fervent in my dismissal of him, made him have some weird kind of respect for me. I was happy – settled, even. The last thing I needed was some blonde hottie trying to get in my pants; it didn’t matter if his name was Jason Stackhouse – or Eric Northman for that matter.

---

I slept in the next day, as my meeting with Bill had been quite late – or should I say, early, as I’d not been home until 3 am. My shift at the bar was a slow one, which was good for Terry, who was having one of his bad days in the kitchen. All 6 hours dragged along in a manner so boring, it was a relief when 7 pm. came along, and Arlene came to take over from me.

Arriving back at the Compton house, I was met in the door by Sookie. “Hey, Liv! Come on in!”, she grinned. “Bill’s in the living room”. “Is it your night off, Sook’?”, I asked. “Uh huh”, she said. “Bill’s taking me to dinner”. We walked into the living room, where Bill was waiting, with a somber look on his face. “Liv… I would like to apologize for Erics behavior last night”, he said. “He didn’t do anything wrong”, I said. “It’s not the first time someone’s flirted with me”. “Eric Northman flirted with you?”, Sookie chuckled. “And you didn’t end up with your legs around his waist?”. I mock scoffed. “I am a lady”, I said. “I tend to throw them around a man’s neck first”. Sookie punched my shoulder. “Slut!”, she grinned.

Bill looked very seriously at the both of us. “This is no laughing matter, ladies. Eric glamoured you!”, he said. I shook my head in confusion. “He didn’t…”, I said. “I saw him… He was using his glamour on you”, Bill repeated fervently. “I really don’t think he did. At least I didn’t feel anything happening”, I tried again.  “Jeez… I worked for you for five minutes; and you’re already acting like my daddy”, I said.

The vampire looked confused, but Sookie broke the tension, by reminding him they had reservations. “You’re right, of course; sweetheart”, Bill said, and took a piece of paper from the coffee-table. “I made this list for you. On the top here is making an appointment with an electrician. I’ve been having some flickering lights in the kitchen. Of course, I don’t use it much, but I do want it working… Then there’s this case of TruBlood O-neg. The all-night supermarket won’t be getting another shipment for at least a week, and I can’t…”. “Honey? We’re late!”, Sookie sighed. “Where are you going?”, I asked. “A place in Shreveport. Ky-auntie”, Sookie smiled. “Chianti”, Bill said. “And you’re right. Let’s go”.

We all left the house, and walked to our respective cars, when I remembered something. “Hold up!”, I called out. I ripped some of the paper from the list, and quickly wrote down my phone number with an eyeliner from my purse. I ran over to Bill with it. “Here. You never got my number. Just in case anything else comes up”, I said. “Thank you”, Bill smiled. “Any big plans for you tonight?”, he asked. “I have a date with my neighbor’s cat. At least I think he belongs to my neighbor. He might be a stray… We eat tuna together on Thursdays”, I sighed. “I thought you were allergic to cats”, Sookie said from inside the BMW. “Our love is complex… and I take pills”, I said. “Go on now. Have fun”.

I waved them off, as they drove away; and got into my own car. It stalled a few times, before finally starting up, and I could drive home – just in time for my date with Mr. Whiskers. He was only mildly annoyed when I came out the back door 3 minutes late, with his bowl. “Sorry I’m late, honey”, I said. “I had a vampire to tend to”. The cat wailed at me, and attacked the tuna like it hadn’t eaten in weeks.

I lit a cigarette, and sat down on the steps, leaning against the screen door, reading a magazine. Some of my neighbors were having a party, and I enjoyed the music coming out of the window. It was a warm night, but not many mosquitos around. I was happy to be left alone from the little bloodsuckers, when my phone vibrated, and I found myself summoned by a large one. - Need you in Shreveport asap. Bill

I frowned at the phone. - I’m your day person. Nights are off limits.

- Fangtasia. Be there in an hour.

- Remind me to ask for a raise BOSS!, I replied; stomped out my smoke, and went back into the house to look up the address of whatever the hell Fangtasia was. Google let me know it was a vampire bar. Dinner must have been over quickly, and Bill had probably taken Sookie for a drink. I looked down at the attire I was currently wearing, and decided that if Bill insisted on being a jerk-boss, I’d be a jerk employee; and show up in cut off shorts, and ABBA t-shirt – that was fifty sizes to big, and hung off my shoulder – hopefully embarrassing him in front of his friends.

I cursed at Bill all the way to Shreveport. “Stupid vampire, ruining my date with Mr. Whiskers”, I muttered to myself, as I parked my rusty car next to a flashy convertible on the parking lot of the bar. There was a line down to the door, going all the way around the corner of the building. A blonde woman with a bored expression on her face stood at the entrance, turning away anyone she didn’t see fit for entry. I sent Bill a text, letting him know I was outside, and had no intention of waiting in line. He’d have to meet me in the lot.

I leaned against my car, kicking at a stray paper cup on the ground, when a cold finger poked my shoulder. I looked up into the face of the blonde woman. She was striking up close. “Liv Sunday?”, she said, sounding as bored as she looked. “Yeah?”, I said. She gave me an insincere smile. “Follow me…”.

She led me to the entrance of the bar, and a burly doorman lifted the red rope for us so we could walk inside. A song with heavy bass was leading some scantily clad dancers on podiums, and the air was heavy with cheap perfume and sexual frustration. The blonde led me to a table, and waved over a black clad waitress. “Order whatever you want on the house. Ginger will sort you out”, she said. The waitress smiled brightly at me. I shook my head. “No, I’m here to meet Bill”, I said confusedly. The woman rolled her eyes, and walked away. I would have given her the finger, if I wasn’t worried, she’d bite it off. “What can I get you?”, the waitress, Ginger, asked. “The most expensive thing you have that isn’t blood”, I sighed. “Long Island Ice Tea, coming right up!”, she grinned, and walked away; tugging at her tiny top as she did.

I took my phone out of my pocket, and saw I had a new text from a number I didn’t know. - Hello Liv. This is Bill Compton. I would like to extend my gratitude to you for accepting the position as my assistant. I’m writing this as Sookie is powdering her nose; as to not interrupt our evening together. Could I please ask you to add to the list, that I need to get in touch with a florist who knows where to get some sunflowers? Sookie likes them. Thank you very much.

I was deeply confused at this point, and not a little worried. If Bill hadn’t been the one to summon me to Fangtasia, then I was currently in a strange bar, surrounded by vampires, without a companion; just sitting around like a delicious crab leg on a buffet table. Sure, there were humans around, but they all seemed more focused on getting the attention of vampires, than helping me out, if needed be. I texted Sookie. - What’s Bills number? I think someone texted me, pretending to be him.

She responded quickly. - Who? Are you ok? Where are you?

I wrote back. - No idea. I’m in some place called Fangtasia.

I was still holding my phone, when Ginger returned with my drink, and set it down. She seemed about to say something to me; when suddenly she bowed reverently. “Master…”, she said, sounding like she was having a strange sort of orgasm.

I looked up, and saw that Eric Northman was standing by the table, with the blonde female vampire next to him. He gave me a slight smile, and sat down across from me; relaxing against the backrest of the chair. “Jag är inte din budbärare, bare för at du vil knulla en liten människa!”. The blonde seemed annoyed, but I didn’t understand her words. “Slapna av, Pam. Det här är annorlunda”, Eric said. “Fika på hende, då. I don’t give a shit. Just don’t ask me again”, she snarled. ”Pamela!”, Eric said firmly. “Leave us”.

“What’s up her ass?”, I muttered. “Pam doesn’t take it up the ass; she gives it”, Eric said matter-of-factly. I narrowed my eyes at him. “You texted me…”, I said. “I did”, Eric said. “Go away, Ginger”. The waitress backed away, her eyes still on the floor. “Master. Yes, master”. I raised my brows. “Wow…”. I met Erics eyes hesitantly. “Why am I here?”. “Because I wanted to see you…”, he said. He dipped a finger into my drink, and licked it. “Don’t drink this. Someone put drugs in it”.

I swallowed hard – a sudden flashback striking me, taking me to a place I didn’t want to go. “Liv?”, Eric said. “What?”, I snapped. The vampire seemed taken aback. “You’re very brave”, he said. “I don’t know what you mean”, I muttered. “Speaking to me like that… and the text you sent me back, when you thought I was Bill. You obviously don’t know a lot about vampires”. I shrugged, trying my best to seem at ease with the conversation.

“How did you get my number?”, I asked; pushing the drink away gingerly. “I’m not listed”. “I flew over Bills house, as you wrote it down”, Eric said. “I have very good eyesight. You used a .01 Ultra Black eyeliner”. “That’s kind of creepy”, I said. “You’re a flying, creepy guy”. Eric laughed heartily, the sound coming from deep within his chest. “You’re funny”, he said. “It’s like you have no sense of self-preservation”. “Well, I figure you didn’t go through all the trouble of flying over Bills house to get my number; just so you could kill me”, I said. “At least… I hope you didn’t”. Eric looked towards the bar, at the tender behind it. “Chow, get her a fresh one. Make sure it’s drug free”, he said, so quietly, I almost didn’t hear it. I realized the bartender must be a vampire as well; that was the only way he’d be able to hear him. “You don’t have to… I’m fine, really”. “It’s no trouble", Eric assured me. “This is my bar after all. It’s in my interest to keep the patrons happy". “I’m not a patron…”, I said.

Eric ignored my words. “Your t-shirt… I like it”, he said. “I’m related to the blonde, you know…”. “You’re Swedish?”, I asked. A fresh drink appeared in front of me, and I looked at it hesitantly. “It’s safe”, Eric said. “Yes, I’m originally from Sweden…”. “So, you were speaking… Swedish, before?”. Eric nodded. “You name, Liv; it’s actually the Swedish word for life”. “Huh…”, I muttered. “I always thought it was kind of geriatric”. Erics eyes lit up with a mischievous glint. “Quite the opposite… It suits you. You seem full of life”. I cleared my throat uncomfortably, and took a sip from the straw. The drink was delicious. “And… when are you from? If you don’t mind me asking”. “Are you asking how old I am?”, Eric smiled. I blushed, and took a second sip. “I am a little over 1000 years old”.

I choked on my drink, and suddenly, Eric was next to me; gently patting my back with one hand, and holding mine with the other. “Are you alright?”, he said worriedly. “Yeah, I’m fine”, I croaked. I looked up into his eyes, and saw true concern. “Really”, I smiled. Eric sat back down on the chair opposite me; still holding on to my hand. His own was cool, but not cold. I guessed he’d recently fed.

I bit my lip. “Are you really 1000 years old?”, I asked in a whisper. “Yes”, Eric confirmed. “I was a Viking”. My eyes widened. “Like with the… pillaging, plundering and… raping?”, I said. Eric smiled smugly. “I didn’t need to rape to bed a woman; or a man for that matter”. “Huh…”, I said; and took a deep sip from my drink. “Well, you do have that tall, blonde and handsome thing going for you”. He ran his thumb over my knuckles. “You find me handsome?”, he said. “Every person in this room finds you handsome”, I retorted; rolling my eyes. I looked towards a nearby table, where a young woman with obviously dyed black hair was starring at us. When her eyes darted towards me, she looked like she wanted to scratch my eyes out.

“Tell me about you…”, Eric said. “Why?”, I asked. “Because it’s only fair”, the viking-vampire said. “In the last ten minutes, I’ve told you my age, occupation, sexual orientation; and I’ve saved you from getting drugged". I was painfully aware that Eric probably had a million different ways of getting what he wanted from me, but for some strange reason, I didn’t think he’d use any of them. Not yet anyway. None the less, I still didn’t see his reason for wanting to know. “I meant, why are you asking?”, I said.

Eric played absentmindedly with my fingers – or maybe not so absentmindedly; as he seemed to know exactly where and how to stroke my fingers in a way, that sent signals straight to my core. "You’re interesting“, he said. “And Bill interrupted me before I could finish my glamour on you, to get you to tell me". I chuckled softly. “You didn’t glamour me", I said. “Of course I did", Eric retorted. “Sorry, but I think you have little too much faith in your own abilities“.

He let go of my hand, and sat back straight in his chair. For a long time, he didn’t speak, just starred at me, before his pupils suddenly dilated, and a tranquil and yet almost flirtatious expression spread over his face. “Liv…”, he said softly. “Tell me; what’s your favorite sexual position?”. My jaw dropped. “That’s absolutely none of your business!”, I growled. Eric looked completely confused, and even paler than his usual pasty shade. He furrowed his brows, and moved his head forwards; almost crouching in his chair, as to reach my eye-level. “You want to tell me, Liv", he said, his voice alluring. Abso-fucking-lutely I wanted to tell him; but not under our current circumstances. As it was, Eric was being completely inappropriate, and I had no intention of continuing our conversation. I stood up. “Thanks for the drink. Now, if you don’t mind, please go to hell".

I walked towards the door, and made it halfway through the crowd, when suddenly, Eric was standing in front of me. He looked almost enraged, and towered over me menacingly; starring into my eyes so hard, I could almost feel it physically. “Liv. You want to tell me about yourself", he boomed. “I want to go home!”, I hissed, trying to pass the imposing vampire. He moved slightly, making me have to brush against his chest with my shoulder. Eric’s hand was suddenly on my upper arm. I froze in place, as he lifted my hair slightly, breathing in my scent. “What are you?”, he asked in a low voice, his cool breath sending annoyingly pleasurable shivers down my spine. I looked up into his eyes again; and jumped a bit, when his fangs popped out. The deepest, darkest part of me wanted to put my finger to one of them, and see how sharp they were.

“Eric!”, Bills voice boomed over the music. Sookie came out from behind him, walked straight up to the 6’4 inches vampire, and hit him over the shoulder with her purse. “Looks like that’s two dates you’ve ruined tonight”, I said. Eric smiled. “But ours was going so well”, he said; his fangs retracting again. “This wasn’t a date…”, I said. “This was you tricking me into meeting you”, I hissed. “You had another date tonight?”, he asked, darkness ghosting his face. I gave him a sarcastic smile, and pulled my arm out of his grasp, stomping out of the club, past Pam. She looked amused at the situation, and stepped back to let me get to the parking lot.

With shaking hands, I opened my car door. Bill and Sookie weren’t far behind me. “I am very sorry, Liv”, Bill said. “Had I known there was a chance Eric would…”. “Forget it, Bill”, I said. “I’ll take care of the things on your list tomorrow. Right now, I just want to go home… I’m sorry I ruined your date”. “It’s not your fault”, Sookie said earnestly. “Do you want us to follow you home in Bills car?”. “No, I’ll be fine… Just, go salvage whatever you can of your night”, I said. I gave Sookie a half hug, and nodded at Bill.

Eric was staring at my car, as I drove away. I saw him exchanging a few words with Pam, before he went back inside Fangtasia.

---

I had the next day off from Merlotte’s, and after I – once again – slept in, I had plenty of time to take care of my errands for Bill. When I got back home from having dropped of a case of O-neg on his porch, I texted him the info of an electrician and a florist who could help him out with his other requirements.

My mail had arrived while I was gone, and as I got ready for a night of serving beer, I looked through the bills and catalogues; finding among them an envelope without sender. Inside was a picture of a young woman in a seductive pose, wearing very little. I recognized myself immediately. It had been taken my last night at my old job at Sugar and Spice – a night I didn’t remember much from, due to a drink I should never have accepted. I almost fell into a kitchen chair, and shuddered. I put my hand to my chest, remembering the wound I’d earned that night.  

He’d found me. I wasn’t surprised. Though my number and address weren’t listed, if Thomas wanted something, he’d get it; he had a way of talking himself in to things. Either that, or he’d use brute force. The thing that made me confused, was the fact that Thomas wasn’t even supposed to remember me. I was supposed to be just another dancer he’d taken pictures of, at the club.

I was startled when my phone suddenly rang. I picked it up, when I saw it was Sam. “Hey…”, I croaked. “Hey, Luce’… I’m really sorry to ask you this, but Coby has the mumps, and Arlene needs to…”. “You need me tonight?”, I asked, almost hopefully. I didn’t want to be alone. “You’d be doing me a big favor…”, Sam said. “I’ll be there”. “Thanks, cher’. I’ll give you tomorrow off instead”, he replied in a relieved voice. “No problem what so ever”, I said. “I’ll be there in a few”. I hung up, and hurried getting ready for work.

Merlotte’s was full of people; which was pretty typical for a Friday night. The tips would be pretty good, and I wouldn’t have to be alone with my thoughts. Sookie handed me a clean apron, and I tied it around my waist, avoiding her gaze. “You seem out of sorts”, she muttered, as I tied up my hair in a bun. “Seem? Or are you listening in…?”, I said. She looked suddenly sad. “I’m sorry, Sookie… It’s been a hard day”. She smiled a little. “I can’t read you as well as I can some other people, you know”, she said. “Whatever comes through, is usually just colors and emotions. But they’re pretty intense, so I try to avoid them”. “Why?”, I asked. “I don’t know”, she shrugged. “It’s just like that with some folks… Makes it easier to be your friend, though”. I squeezed her hand, and walked out to take some orders.

Hoyt and Jason were nursing beers in a corner, and I walked over to check on them. “Everything good here?”. “Much better, now you’re here”, Jason winked. “You know, I saw your car out back. It ain’t looking good. I’d be happy to give you a ride, when you clock out”. “I’m sure you would, but I’m not in the mood for crabs tonight”. Hoyt laughed heartily, and Jason smiled and shook his head. “Any food for you gentlemen?”, I asked. “LaFayette has some gumbo cooking tonight”. “Sounds good. Hoyt?”, Jason said. “Two bowls, then”, Hoyt smiled. “Coming right up”, I said, and took their order to the serving hatch; winking at LaFayette in the kitchen.

For the next few hours, I pushed away all thoughts of possessive men, and focused on earning my wages. Bill stopped by to give Sookie a kiss, and thanked me for my help so far; leaving me another list. “Just some time next week, will be fine”, he said. “You’re welcome to text me, Bill”, I said. “I dislike using the keys to type”, the vampire grumbled. “I prefer the old-fashioned way of writing”. “Did you use a quill?”, I asked, giving him a sly smile. “Just a no. 2 pencil”, he retorted. “And once again; I’m sorry…”. I groaned. “Please, stop… Nothing happened. I’m perfectly fine”.

Sookie gave me a slight look, which Bill caught immediately. “You’re not. What is wrong?”. “Sookie!”, I sighed. “Sorry! You’re pretty much radiating fear, honey”, she said. Bill looked at me earnestly. “I will do my best to keep you safe from Eric”, he said. “I don’t want you to worry about him”. “I’m not scared of Eric… No more than the next person, anyway”, I assured him; and walked towards the bar, to grab a tray of beers. Sookie followed me there. “What, then?”, she asked. I clenched my jaw. “Could you give this to Jane Bodehouse? I’m gonna go take my break”, I said.

I almost ran out the back door, and lit a cigarette. Sam was putting a bag of trash in the container, when I got there. “Everything alright?”, he asked. “Why is everyone asking me that?”, I almost snarled. Sam seemed taken aback. “Sorry… I’m just… It’s been a day”. “We all have those”, Sam said. “You want to talk about it?”. “Not really”, I said.

Sam scratched his head. “How’s it going, working for Bill Compton?”, he asked. “Fine, so far. It’s an easy gig”, I said. “Don’t worry, it won’t get in the way of my work here”. “I know. I just worry about you, is all”, he said. “You’ve had a strange look on your face all night”. I sighed deeply, not wanting to give away too much. “I got word from an old… acquaintance”, I said. “I’d hoped to avoid it”. “Ex?”, Sam muttered. “Not really…”. I swallowed hard. “Sam… If I… If some day I don’t come in to work… It’s not because I’m playing hookie”. “That sounds ominous…”, Sam said. “Just… I like this job. Bon Temps”, I said. “I’m happy here. So, if suddenly, I’m not around… I didn’t just skip town, ok?”. Sam walked up to me, and put a hand on my shoulder. “Liv, talk to me. What’s going on?”. Sookie stuck her head out. “Sam, we need to call Jane’s son again. She’s passed out on the pool table…”. Sam rolled his eyes, and went back inside, leaving me to smoke in peace.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I had a text; from Eric, of all people. - When can I see you again?

I rolled my eyes. - How do I know you’re not watching me now?

The reply came within seconds. - You don’t. But I’m not. Do you want me to? I decided against replying, and went back inside – chiding myself for indeed wanting that.

When I got back home, I collapsed on my bed fully clothed – but not before having checked to see if all windows and doors were safely closed and locked. Even without A/C, I’d rather sweat than risk someone coming into the house while I slept.

My phone vibrated, and when I saw who was calling, I picked it up. “What?”, I said. “Why haven’t you replied to my messages?”, Eric said. Loud music was thundering in the background. I looked at the screen of my phone, and saw that I had multiple unread texts. “Because I was working. And because I didn’t want to”, I said. That last part was a lie. “What are you wearing?”, he asked. “A leather garter belt, and a top hat”, I sneered. “Really?”. I could hear his smile. “No. Goodnight, Eric”. “Read your messages”, he managed to say, before I hung up.

I more or less had to pry my eyes open to read the messages the vampire had sent me. - I’m not used to have my messages ignored. Well, get used to it, I thought. - I could come by your job. Just say the word. - I want to see you soon. When? At least he was asking, and not telling me. That was a step up from what I was used to. - Please. That one must have hurt. I sent him a message back. - I’ll let you know. And if you insist on texting more than a teenage girl, I’ll reply like one. Ttyl lol rofl xoxo

As soon as I’d dropped my phone on the bed, I smacked my forehead. I’d written xo. That thought kept me awake for hours, and I didn’t fall asleep until the sun was almost up again.

---

As soon as I woke a little after noon, I rushed out to handle Bills errands. He’d given me until the week after, but as I saw the picture sent to me laying on my kitchen table, I didn’t want to spend a moment longer in the house. I even called Sam to ask if he was absolutely sure he didn’t need me at the bar; but he all but told me that if he saw me anywhere near Merlotte’s, he’d throw me over his shoulder, and carry me home, so I could enjoy my day off.

A little after sunset, there was a knock on my door, and I was slightly startled to see Eric on my small porch. I swallowed hard. “What are you doing here?”, I asked. “I was in the neighborhood; and thought I’d save you the trouble of texting me, when you’d be able to see me”, he said. “Besides, I don’t want you driving that rust bucket all the way to Shreveport again. It’s a death-trap”. He looked towards my car, in the driveway. “You can see me now”, I said. “Wonderful”, he said, and once again dug his eyes into mine. “Invite me in”. “No…”, I said. He once again looked confused. “Why can’t I glamor you?”, he asked. “I don’t know… Maybe you’re impotent”. Eric barred his fangs; making me jump slightly. He looked dangerous. “Not nearly”, he said. “You shouldn’t test me”.

Not wanting him to think he’d scared me too much, I took a hesitant step out of the door, putting less than a foot between us. Eric smelled like nothing I’d ever encountered before. It was crisp, and yet warm; like expensive aftershave and salt water, with an undertone of something I couldn’t define – something musky.

“I don’t understand why you keep wanting to talk to me”, I said. “I get it, I’m human. Blood and sex, and all that… But you have a club full of willing participants to whatever it is you wanna do”. Eric nodded. “I know. It’s infuriating that I feel the need to be here”, he said. “But I think I found a fix for it”. “Oh?”, I croaked, doing my best to ignore the fact that a man, that looked more or less like a GQ model, was currently reaching out his hand to stroke my cheek. As his fingertips touched my skin, my breath hitched. “Yes. See, when I have sex with a human, I usually bore with them pretty quickly”, Eric said. “I thought we should just get it over with, so I can move on”. I took a step back, and my back hit the screen door. “I don’t want to have sex with you!”, I lied. “Of course you do. I’m a very good lover”, Eric smiled. “Now, invite me in, and I’ll undress you”. “Shove it up your ass!”, I said. Eric raised a brow at me. “Well, it’s been a while, but I’m up for it if you are”.

I scrambled to open the screen door, and get back inside the house. My body was screaming at me to give in to the sensation in my lower belly, but I told myself that I had to persist. “You should… go now”, I said. Eric stepped closer to me, and I felt his firm chest against my back. “Why?”, he asked, sounding genuinely confused again. “You’re… imposing”, I croaked, and turned to meet his eyes. They were piercing mine, sending tingles down my spine. “Stop trying to glamour me” “I’m not. It doesn’t seem to work on you”, he said; a hint of regret in his voice. “Though I wonder… would you let me test a theory?”. “What theory?”. Eric smiled. “Just humor me. Pam?”.

I nearly jumped out of my skin, when the blonde female vampire suddenly stood next to Eric; and hurried over the threshold, so neither of them could reach me. “What the hell?”, I said. “Yeah, Eric. What the hell? I’ve been waiting behind that tree forever. In my new Jimmy Choo’s”, Pam said. “Be nice, Pam”, Eric said. Pam drew her lips back in an insincere smile. “Hello, Liv. I am very glad to see you”, she said. “Happy?”. She looked out the corner of her eyes at Eric.

Eric gave her a look, and something unspoken passed between them. Pam seemed to shrink in front of me. “Liv, I would like you to let Pam try to glamour you”, he said. “What? No!”, I exclaimed. “I want to know if it’s…”. “Just you?”, I said. For the first time, Eric wouldn’t meet my eyes. I took a deep breath. “Fine. But I’m not coming outside”. Eric nodded. “Pam, try to glamour her. But don’t ask her to come outside where we can reach her”. He was trying to make me feel safe – it was almost endearing.

Pam took a step forward, and looked deep into my eyes. Her voice was soothing. “Liv… You want to invite Eric inside. You want to have sex with him”. I shook my head. “No… Not happening”, I said. She narrowed her eyes in confusion. “You… want to invite me inside… Have sex with me”. “No thank you”, I snarled. Pam stepped back, and began laughing. “What the actual fuck?”, she guffawed. “What are you?”. Eric stepped in between us, his back to me. “Thank you, Pamela. You can leave now”, he said. “Eric! She’s…”, Pam began. “Now!”, Eric growled. She disappeared as fast as she’d come.

Eric stood there for a moment, not turning to face me. I was about to close the door, when he spoke again. “I’m making you mine… And getting you a better car”. “The hell, you are", I sputtered. He spun around with wide eyes. “You’re saying… no?”, he asked bemusedly. “I’m not anyone’s; let alone yours”. Eric chuckled at me. “I just claimed you”. “Well you can shove that claim up your ass, as well”, I proclaimed. “You wanted me to tell you about myself”, I said. He didn’t respond, simply stood still and never diverted his eyes from mine. “I left San Diego to get away from a guy who couldn’t take no for an answer… I’m not about to throw myself into the arms of another one who does the same”, I said. “This… guy”, Eric said. “Did he hurt you?”. There was an angry edge to his voice. I looked down, and crossed my arms in front of me. “He did… It’s over. But only because I ran away”, I said. “He… It doesn’t matter. I just don’t want that again”.

For a long moment, he just looked at me; making me swallow to wet my dry mouth. “Alright”, he finally said calmly. “Are we finished?”, I asked, almost in a whisper. “We’re finished”, he said. “For now”. Eric lowered his head, looking earnestly at me. “As long as you say no to me, I won’t do anything”, he said. “I will not force myself on you, Liv”. “Why?”, I asked, genuinely surprised. “Do you want me to? I don’t mind playing games…”, Eric smiled. I shook my head. “Never mind. I thought we were having a moment here, but it’s gone”. I went to close the door in his face. “Liv!”, Eric said; his voice imposing. I halted, and looked at him again. “I don’t know why… But I will not”.

He turned around, and walked down the steps from my small porch. I took a deep breath, before running after him. He heard me coming, and turned around. “Thank you… For at least kind of taking no for an answer”, I said. I tugged at his jacket, to get him to lower his head, and I got on my toes; placing a kiss on his cheek. Once again, I was surprised to find his skin not icy, but simply cool; and I let my lips linger for a moment.

I was about to turn back, when Eric put both his hands on my shoulders, and looked me square in the face. I could tell he wasn’t trying to glamour me. “Be mine”, he said. My breath hitched, and everything in me screamed say yes!. “N-no, Eric… No, I can’t do that”. Eric looked as if I’d slapped him. My phone vibrated, and I took it from my pocket, looking at the screen. “It’s Bill… I have to take this".

Erics face dropped, and he let go of me. “Goodnight, sunshine”, he said, and walked away into the darkness. “Eric!”, I called after him. “I regret picking up your keys for you”, Eric replied, his back still to me. “I would have loved to see you bend over”.

---

[how-to-do-activism]

What are some decent, reliable, left-ish (or at least less corporate shill) news sources that don't bog down in spectacle or inaccessible rhetoric? I'm having real trouble striking a balance between "staying reasonably informed about the state of the world" and "so obsessive and paranoid over the news that i wake up one day unable to turn my head left because of the muscle tension" and having some concrete news sources in my pocket would probably help a lot

Okay serious answer: If you read Spanish check out La Jornada.

If you don’t read Spanish - uh.

I’m assuming you’re in the US because you’re asking me.

Local-esque papers? Small-ish papers? I tend to find the Sacramento Bee less off-putting than a lot of other publications; The San Jose Mercury News is another one I’ll turn to. But I grew up in CA so outside of that I don’t really know much about papers that are smaller than the Chicago Tribune.

The Left has a news problem. Really left lefties don’t tend to write in newspapers and when they do really really left lefties yell at them for it.

If you’re trying to just keep up with current events but you don’t want to go completely fucking nuts, look at Fox news, or get behind a paywall then I recommend the following:

Check your LOCAL-local paper, the smallest one closest to you. The one run by one pissed-off grandma and three college students that’s half ads for the local furniture store and is available for free in front of city hall. These are usually weeklies. Pick them up and read the whole news section.

Check your local college paper. College journalists are fucking awesome and give a ton of shits about what they’re doing. The stories will be highly campus-focused but during the school year there’s usually a breaking news area that covers local and national news. These papers are almost all online these days.

Check your local-ish paper. I’m currently living in Las Vegas so that would be any paper published within a 500 mile radius that has a metro-area population of half a million people or more. Papers from San Diego or Phoenix or Las Vegas or Reno would count. Find the one you trust the most and bookmark it.

Check Buzzfeed News (I know, I know, but their journalism branch is pretty good)

Check the BBC

I’m a little weird in that I’m either reading no news whatsoever or I’m reading *everything* because I spent five years as a journalism major and it kind of broke me as a human being.

Your goal is to *glance* at the news every day to see what the headlines are and then look away.

Once a week catch up on major stories. Dedicate an hour or four (not four, again, I am kind of not okay) to seeing what’s been happening in depth. The reason you do this once a week is because most headlines are developing stories that don’t actually have any news content these days. The full coverage usually takes at least a day or two to get past the breathless this-just-in stage.

If you’re on twitter follow *one* major news network but OH BUDDY, do I think you should get off twitter. If you’re feeling sick and overwhelmed and lost because the news is so ubiquitous and so terrible and you’re on twitter I promise you that twitter is part of the problem for you.

For good in-depth left-esque stuff I tend to check out Slate, Vox, the Intercept, and actually a whole bunch of tech blogs. Ars Technica and Boing Boing are good places to start.

I dunno, friend, the news is a trashfire. It’s hard to find things that are reliable and it’s hard to find things that don’t seem like they’ve bought in to the worst parts of capitalism without reading, like, Salon or some shit and Salon is frequently useless and infuriating.

Also Teen Vogue is pretty great right now and how’s that for a kick in the balls? Really excellent lefty journalism is coming from a children’s fashion magazine.

(Teen Vogue’s staff are EXCELLENT and I will not hear them besmirched but FUCK when I was a journalism major it was very much the In Thing to sneer at fashion magazines. Which I didn’t because I had a subscription to Details from the ages of 16 to 24 and they had some completely fucking INCREDIBLE investigative news stories and utterly amazing interviews. But yeah people used to give me side-eye in my very serious news journalism conversations because I was way more into the magazine side of things and since I was more interested in reading Details than Newsweek I wasn’t seen as newsy enough but dude, when’s the last time Newsweek dedicated 5000 words to *anything*??? Depth! Over! Speed!)

Also please read news about your country that is written by other countries especially if you’re from the US because the perplexed tone of the BBC going “The Americans???? Are at it again???” is fantastic but also really grounding - looking away from the Fox New squabbling and talking heads smugness is just. It’s very refreshing. I like the BBC because it’s easy for me to read but periodically if I have the time I’ll also try to check out La Jornada but my Spanish isn’t really strong enough to read it reliably.

[scullydubois]

Only the Light Ch. 18

18/? | AU where Melissa moves in with Scully after Scully’s abduction | angst, msr slow-burn, occasional fluff | currently: mid-s3 (canon-divergent) | T | 5k | previous chapters | read on ao3 | tagging: @today-in-fic <3

Scully, Mulder, and Missy travel to California to meet Emily and wrestle with the future.

------------------

The echo of Scully’s heels against the linoleum is almost enough to drown out her racing heart. Mulder’s thumping steps and her sister’s daintier ones help too, but their collective power does nothing to ease Scully’s awareness that the Earth circles the sun at a thousand miles per hour. Today, she’s feeling every bit of it. 

The three of them round a corner, and a broad-shouldered man and tiny-waisted woman come into view. Agent Feniston and the lawyer, this must be. Outside of conference room C--as planned. 

Straightening every disc in her spine, Scully extends a hand and exchanges a firm shake with each of them. Mulder and Melissa hang back. 

“Dana Scully,” she declares. “Thank you for seeing me.”

“That decision rested with the foster parents,” the male agent insists. “As does any from this point forward.”

“Yes, and I’ll be sure to thank them as well,” Scully acquiesces.

“Hello, Ms. Scully.” The lawyer uncrosses her ankles. “I’m Tanya Joyce, you can call me Tanya. As a representative of the state of California, my priority is guarding the child’s wellbeing and ensuring that any choice made is what’s best for her.”

“Of course,” Scully murmurs. “Thank you for being here.”

Tanya thumbs toward the closed door of the conference room. “Brian and Cecily are eager to meet you. The foster system has extremely limited information on little Emily. Your testimony will help us all fill in some blanks.”

Scully nods. “Me as well...this is as much a surprise for me as all of you.”

“Are we to understand that you were not aware you bore a child, Ms. Scully?” Agent Feniston asks. 

“Yes, sir. I know it’s quite hard to believe, I feel the same. I was missing for a period of time last year and was comatose when I returned.”

“Yes, and how long was that period of time, Ms. Scully?”

The edges of her lips fall. “Approximately five weeks.”

“So is it safe to assume that though the child shares your DNA, you did not carry her?”

“No sir, not that I know of. I believe that my eggs were harvested, and she was...well, she comes from one of those.”

The agent hums a note of acknowledgement. “As I told you over the phone, the federal database contained no viable DNA match of a father.”

Scully nods. “Yes sir, and I have no knowledge of what sperm may have been used.”

“Noted.” He rubs his neck. “We were lucky, we only found you because you were in the missing persons database.”

“I had no idea I was still listed there,” Scully says. “I’ve asked the FBI to remove it.”

“Well, it was a stroke of luck for us,” the agent tells her. “This little girl’s foster parents encouraged the state to pursue child abandonment charges against whoever left her. She was found outside a local care center at two weeks old, as I’ve told you.”

“Yes.” Scully purses her lips. She imagines a baby with her eyes, nose, toes, chromosomes crying on a nondescript doorstep...she and Mulder did not know what they were doing when they said they wanted the truth. 

“We’ve already confirmed your story with the FBI,” Feniston continues, “and we have proof that you were working on cases in the east at the time of Emily’s delivery to the foster center, so you are free of any child abandonment charges.”

“Wonderful,” Scully replies, but really, those were the least of her concerns. “May I see my daughter now?” 

That’s the first time she’s ever said that sentence, and she didn’t expect terror to shoot up her spine. Is this what it is, having an extension of your life outside your body?

The lawyer steps forward. “I’ll introduce you to Brian and Cecily, they’d like to speak with you first.”

Scully does not like the way that sits in the air. Still, she musters a smile. “It would be my pleasure.”

---------------------------

Mulder and Melissa make themselves at home on a pair of leather chairs outside the conference room. They have been the pall-bearers keeping Scully aloft as her crushed dreams reinvent themselves as high hopes. They don’t understand how it happened any more than Scully herself: one phone call turned into multiple consultations with Agent Feniston, then Tanya and California Social Services and finally, DC social workers who performed background checks and prepared forms so that Scully could come here today to meet her baby and, God-willing, bring her home.

It doesn’t happen this fast, it never does--different voices said these same words to them a dozen times. And yet, barely two weeks after Agent Feniston’s fated voicemail, here they are. On All Hallow’s Eve, no less. Just in time for Emily to complete her first rotation around the sun.

They both play contrasting yet crucial roles in Operation Miracle Baby, as Mulder dubbed it. Dana has sobbed into Missy’s shoulder every night for the past two weeks; happy tears (her baby! she has a baby!), sad tears (she has a baby…and she didn’t even know...), scared tears (a baby! a baby, Missy! probably already walking, and maybe even talking if she’s exceptional...). The situation--and its implications--are impossible to reconcile in such a short time, if at all. Scully’s petite frame could not physically contain it. 

Mulder’s the comic relief, the distraction, the reminder that nothing can be so grave if there's still breath left in your body. He bought a CD of nursery rhymes and stuck in it his beat-up office radio, playing it through the day while Scully labored over this form or that and he pretended to alphabetize the case file drawer. Now, he hums himself to sleep every night with one of those rhymes; he’s hoping this new skill will come in handy. 

He would’ve bought toys and baby clothes too, but Melissa made him swear not to in case the adoption falls through. And she’s right, he can’t bear to imagine the pain Scully would feel packing those away. For sale: baby shoes, never worn hits you no matter who you are. Still, he has a stuffed UFO and a Build-a-Bear fox (yes, he went in and filled it himself) hidden in his closet, and he hopes they won’t go to waste. 

Operation Miracle Baby has been as covert as anything Mulder’s ever been involved in. He, Melissa, and Mrs. Scully are the only ones in his partner’s circle with any knowledge of what’s going on. No one else, in Scully’s words, matters. Trinity too has received a full briefing from Missy and is ecstatic about her girlfriend potentially becoming an auntie. Skinner was told it was a family emergency--and well, it is--though surely he’s suspicious about both of his agents requesting time off. Bill Jr. has no idea they’re in San Diego, though they may seek “refuge” (the air quotes are Missy’s) at his place if the proceedings drag on. 

This is a triumph or failure to be shared only with those most beloved, that’s what Scully said to them the night before they boarded the plane. Mulder has never been included in anyone’s most beloved before. It feels pretty damn good.

----------------------

The perky lawyer raps on the conference room door, opening it in response to a voice on the other side. Scully’s breath catches….a strawberry-haired infant rests in her mother’s arms (Scully hates to think it, but surely this woman is more Emily’s mother than she is), pulling at a lock of the woman’s blonde hair. 

The woman turns her way, and Scully gets her first glimpse at Emily’s face. Emily. Her baby. She wondered the whole flight here whether she would feel a connection….a sense of recognition...upon laying eyes on her daughter. And my god, it’s like some chained section of her heart has burst open, flooded with all the good feelings of the world. Icy blue eyes and cherub cheeks...that’s her baby. That’s her baby.

She watches as her baby is passed to a woman in a CA Social Services button-up who slides past Scully in the doorway like she’s not even there. Scully has a split-second to notice the dimples on her daughter’s cheeks, but that’s it. Emily’s gaze misses her entirely. 

Tanya strides toward the couple in the room, Scully following behind. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Lace, this is Dana Scully, Emily’s biological mother.”

“We’re so glad to meet you,” the man says, shaking Scully’s hand with a firm grip. “I’m Brian, and this is my wife Cecily.”

“Thank you for speaking with me,” Scully tells them, shaking Cecily’s hand in kind. “I understand you’ve cared for Emily since shortly after she arrived at social services.”

“Yes,” Cecily confirms. “She came to us when she was a month old. Raising her has been an absolute joy.”

Brian nods. “She’s the second infant we’ve fostered. We adopted our first one, Andrew, when he was a year and a half.” 

“I didn’t realize you had another child,” Scully converses, feeling out of her depth. “It must have been quite a transition, taking Emily in.”

“It sure was, but she’s an angel, truly,” Brian says. “We couldn't fathom that someone could abandon her and get away with it, that’s why we contacted Agent Feniston.”

Cecily chimes in--”We were told the chances of finding a DNA match in the federal database was slim. We didn’t expect to learn that you were unaware of Emily’s existence!”

“Yes, I’m still coming to terms with it all,” Scully replies. “I’m grateful that you’ve given me the opportunity to see her, at the very least.”

“When we heard your story, we knew it would be heinous of us to say no,” Cecily says, offering a sympathetic smile. 

“You’re an FBI agent, did we hear that right?” Brain asks.

“Yes sir, I’ve been with the Bureau five years now.”

“You live in DC?”

Scully nods. “Around the corner from the National Mall.”

“That’s exciting!” Cecily pipes up. “How did you find yourself having Emily in San Diego?”

“I actually have no idea, Mrs. Lace,” Scully murmurs. “My family lived here when I was young, but I haven’t been back since. Coincidentally, my brother lives not too far off.”

“Wow,” Cecily gasps. “They weren’t kidding about you being a missing person.”

“No ma’am.” She went from a missing person to missing a person. No wonder she’s spent the past year feeling so empty. 

-----------------------------

Mulder and Melissa get only the slightest moment to catch their breath before a child that is unmistakably the progeny of Dana Scully is carried into the lobby. Her hair curls around her ears in a cute mushroom top, her tongue dancing in her mouth like it has a mind of its own. They stare; they know better, but fuck it, if any baby is worth staring at, it’s this one. 

“Is that--?” Mulder whispers.

“Yeah,” Missy breathes. 

They’ve both seen the pictures, they are well aware that it’s her. They say these things for the awe of it. 

“She’s…” Mulder’s eyes are wide. “She’s bigger than I thought she would be. Not fat, I mean. Just...a whole tiny human.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Melissa smiles at her niece, who is now seated on her caretaker’s lap across the hallway. Emily’s big eyes blink at her, containing silent judgements. How like her mother she is.

Missy elbows Mulder. “I bet she orders mushroom pizza and then picks the mushrooms off because apparently ‘the cheese tastes better than on the regular cheese pizza,’” she muses, naming one of her sister’s quirks. 

Mulder likes this game. “I bet she vehemently denies the existence of extraterrestrials only to secretly believe that her dashing partner is right,” he offers.

Missy smirks. “I bet she would find this game very stupid if she understood it.”

“I’m all in on that one.” Mulder mimes pushing a pile of poker chips into the center of a table. 

Missy laughs, looks toward her seat partner with soft eyes. “She’s gonna be a great mom, isn’t she? Dana, I mean?”

“Oh yeah.” Mulder clasps his hands in his lap. “We should be so lucky to have a little Scully in the world.”

“Mm-hm.” Missy focuses on his face, watching for the slightest move that might give his thoughts away. “And she’ll be able to do it alone, do you think?”

“Well, I’m sure she’ll need some help from Mrs. Scully, and you, and…” he trails off before adding his own name, but Missy’s mind fills it in reflexively. “She’ll need help,” Mulder finishes, “but yeah, she’ll be incredible.”

The details have already been parsed out. As a single mother, Scully is required to list a guardian who would take custody of Emily if something were to happen to her. She listed her mother as the primary one--the social worker told her it’s best if it’s someone who has child-rearing experience--and Missy as the secondary guardian. She would, after all, already live in the child’s household. 

Then there was the matter of the job--its extensive time requirements, travelling, and danger level were all of concern to the agency. This came as no surprise to Scully; a single female FBI agent does not make the ideal adoption candidate. And though she hasn’t yet spoken to the Bureau, Mulder has promised her they’ll work something out. It can be like your leave of absence, he assured her. You tackle the paper trail and I’ll focus on following the suspect’s trail. Easy-peasy.

That’s what he says to her, though he’s terrified of losing her as his partner...Of her being reassigned to something simpler or leaving the Bureau entirely. She could teach at Quantico, that schedule would be a hell of a lot easier than running on Mulder time. Agent Scully can pack for hastily-booked flights at midnight then catch them at 7am, but Emily’s mother couldn’t. He will have to reckon with this if all the pieces fall into their graceful place. He’ll have to figure out how to rearrange their partnership for her, or even worse, how to live without her as his partner. Or maybe even at all. 

---------------------------

Scully glances at her shoes, then summons the courage to meet Mrs. Lace’s hazel eyes. “I hope you will consider my request. I know it’s not up to you entirely--the court will have the final say--but my abduction experience has left me unable to have a biological child, so learning of Emily was truly a miracle of the highest order.” 

Her voice clips as she takes a breath. “I understand that it would be a huge sacrifice on the part of your family, and that you’ve developed a bond with Emily over the past eleven months. I just ask you both to please...think about it.” Tears twinkle in her eyes. She made it, thank god, she made it without breaking down! She’s rehearsed that speech ten times over.

Cecily lays a hand on her husband’s arm. “Of course, Dana. It would be a painful sacrifice to us, you’re correct, but we understand that you’ve flown across the country to be here, and that you’ve brought witnesses to testify to your character, so your commitment is clear. We’ll listen and make as compassionate a decision as possible.”

Scully’s lips creep into a smile. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” She steps back, the weight of imminent sobs settling over her chest. 

“Ms. Scully has already undergone most of the requirements needed for adoption,” the lawyer tells Mr. and Mrs. Lace. “Medical clearance, psychiatric clearance, criminal background check, and home study. In the spirit of her unique circumstances, California and the District of Columbia have agreed to cooperate to make the process as smooth and expedient as possible, if you should choose to surrender Emily to her. I don’t mean to sway your decision in any way, just to give you all the available information.” 

The couple nods. “Thank you, Tanya,” Cecily answers. “We’d like to speak with the first witness now.”

Scully balks. She expected more questions, a barrage of them, as intense and prying as if she were testifying in front of Congress. And she was ready for that--she was prepared to do whatever they asked of her, to show that there are no lengths she wouldn’t go for Emily. She’s already documented every detail of her life for social services and given over the necessary specimens to prove that no, she’s not a drug user, and yes, her thyroid is hyperactive, but she takes medication for that and her doctor will confirm that it’s under control. 

And if they wanted to know more, she’d tell them. She’d tell it all. Her deepest, darkest secret (telling Daniel that yes, he should leave his wife & kids...all for her, to be with her), the most petty thing that haunts her (stolen cigarettes, smoked on the family porch at 1am), what she wants to say most but can’t (I love you)...a part of her was taken to create Emily. She would give the rest away to keep her.

There was a moment, in one of the drab little interrogation rooms at DC social services, where Scully was met with a question that lunged toward her like a time-bomb. Pull the fuse, pull the fuse it taunted her. See what happens. Instead, she played it off. Pretended she didn’t hear its doomed tick. Feigned none the wiser. No, she isn’t aware of any potential medical condition that would inhibit her life expectancy or ability to care for a child, she told the nice woman. Thank god they got the chip out of her neck before it showed up on any x-rays. 

She snaps back to reality, watching as the conference door opens, and her sister enters the room. 

“Thank you, Dana,” Tanya says, and she assumes that’s the lawyer’s way of telling her to get out, so she does. Outside the room, she settles next to Mulder in a seat that’s still warm.

“How’d it go in there, champ?” he chatters. “You need some water or anything?”

Scully’s not listening. Her eyes are trained on the baby girl across the way with hair too auburn to be brunette that’ll require a smattering of box dye every two weeks to qualify her as a soulless ginger. 

Emily’s eyes land on the woman she does not know is her mother, studying this new face with an infant’s usual curiosity. Mulder has realized by now that the little girl is of much more interest to his partner than he is, and he watches as mother and daughter wave to each other.

Scully lets out a laugh so strangled that for a moment Mulder thinks it’s a cry and jumps to comfort her. He relaxes back into his seat once he sees the joy on her face.

“She’s a sweetheart, huh?” Mulder wisecracks as the young girl jams her fingers into her mouth.

Scully beams. “She’s a baby, that’s her way of learning the world!”

“Hey, I’m not knocking it. That’s my personal preference as well,” he says with a lop-sided smile. 

“Yeah, well, she’s not licking evidence,” Scully quips. 

Mulder shrugs. “A man can’t help his oral fixation. Haven’t you ever heard of Freud…?” he lets it slide off his tongue. 

Scully rolls her eyes. His inability to maintain an appropriate manner is nothing if not inspiring. 

She gestures toward Emily. “You’re already encouraging bad behavior. Tsk-tsk,” she teases. 

“That’s my job as--hey, wait. What’s she gonna call me?” If you get custody, of course passes silently between them.

“I don’t know, Mulder,” Scully says, watching her daughter out of the corner of her eye. “I hadn’t really thought about it.” That’s a lie. She’s sat up during the night trying to decipher Mulder’s relation to Emily. He would certainly be the male authority in her life, but that doesn’t make him a father figure. Right? 

Scully adored her father because he was the head of the family, and he embraced the responsibility, always making sure they had what they needed. While her mother was often the one doing the grunt work of caring for them, her father provided for them. His long deployments with the Navy protected them. Scully understood his sacrifice and loved him for it 

That’s not how it would go with Emily. If she were so lucky as to get the child, Scully would be the caretaker and the provider. A two-in-one deal with a high price. What would that mean, for Emily? Scully could do it, she believes that. Not that it would be anything less than utterly exhausting, but with a little help from her mother and her sister, she could make do, and they say it takes a village to raise a child anyway, so what’s so bad about that?

Since she’s filling those roles herself, that leaves...well, Mulder could be the fun uncle, that fits him. Bill Jr. isn’t gonna cut it, and neither is Charlie, considering that he’s god knows where. Besides, it’s unlikely that Mulder will get a chance to know a biological niece or nephew. He and Emily could fill missing pieces in each other’s lives.

Scully’s eyes trace the contours of her partner’s face. “Do you have a preference about what she calls you?”

“I was hoping for His Royal Highness Fox Mulder of Martha’s Vineyard--is that too much?”

Scully lets a strand of hair fall over her face. “It might take her awhile to get her tongue around that.”

“Or it’ll speed up her speech acquisition,” Mulder replies. 

“Oh, you’re a child-rearing connoisseur now?”

Mulder twiddles his thumbs. “It is my goal to raise the first kid to transcribe canine language into English.”

“Really? I wasn’t aware of that,” Scully tells him, a smile flitting on her lips. It’s this kind of banter that keeps her sane. A few minutes out here with him, and she’s forgotten that what happens in that conference room will dictate the rest of her life. 

Across the hallway, Emily giggles at the air, and it fits, doesn’t it? Here she is, already laughing at Mulder’s jokes like the Scully girl she is. 

------------------------------

It feels like a prisoner exchange when witness number one in their civil-that-sure-feels-like-a-criminal case joins Scully back in the hallway, and Mulder is called forward “to the stand.” He swears he found a penny in the parking lot this morning & promises to bring back good news. Scully’s pretty sure he made that story up, but she’s no less hopeful that it’ll come true.

Returned from her brief stint in captivity, Missy dives right into a discussion of her niece: “Look at her, Dana, she looks just like you!”

“Well, she does have fifty percent of my DNA,” Scully concedes with an admiring glance at the little girl.

“Have you gone over to see her?”

Scully shakes her head. “I didn’t think that would be proper.”

“Are you kidding me?” Missy retorts. “First of all, Brian and Cecily are very nice people, and I’m not supposed to say this, but I think there’s a chance that Emily will be yours. Secondly, this could be your only opportunity to interact with your daughter and you’re not gonna take it?”

Scully bites her lip. Her sister knows how to craft an argument. “Alright, but you have to back me up.”

“Trust me, I wanna see her just as badly as you.”

Scully steels herself, then approaches the woman in the polo shirt. “Hello.” She does a polite half-wave, which she’s never done before and which makes her feel ridiculous. “I’m the potential adoptee, and I was wondering if I could say hello to this precious little girl.” It all feels completely out of character, like she’s reading lines from a script. But this is it, this is her reality.

The woman’s face offers little in the way of recognition. “You can have a supervised visit with her, yes,” she recites, as rehearsed as Scully. 

“Great.” Scully claps her hands together. “May I take her to my sister right over there?”

The woman nods. Scully lays her hands on Emily’s waist and lifts the girl gently from the woman’s lap. She is heavier than Scully imagined, or maybe just heavier than she hoped. Every ounce is a reminder of unseen existence and unwitnessed growth.

Emily does not balk, just stares up at her mother with those probing eyes. 

“Hi baby girl,” Scully coos to her daughter as she settles her against her hip. “Can you say hi? Have you got that one yet?”

The girl blinks. “Ma-ma.”

Scully crooks her neck, tries to reign in her racing imagination. All babies do this at this age, don’t they? Calling every woman mama and every man dada. Emily’s no exception. And yet...for that to be the first word her daughter has ever said to her. God winked at her, and she’s glad to have caught it. 

The pair makes it to Missy, who blows a kiss in Emily’s direction. “Hey there little one.” She extends her index finger, and the girl latches onto it. 

Scully cradles her baby’s head, Emily’s fine hair soft beneath her fingers. 

“She’s even-keeled for a baby,” Missy remarks, wiggling her finger and watching Emily crack a smile. 

“Yes,” Scully gurgles out of the sheer joy. She settles into her chair with Emily in her lap. “Do you know what she said to me?”

Missy looks up. “What?”

“Mama.” Scully dons a triumphant grin. “She called me mama.”

“Oh, no way!” Missy squeals. It’s a bit too loud and sudden, making Emily jump. The ladies laugh, and Scully pulls her daughter in closer, kissing the crown of her head. She still has that baby smell; the freshness of new life and all its purity. Scully sighs. It must have been even stronger when she was born.

Scully closes her eyes. If she had one chance to pause life somewhere along the way, to linger in a perfect moment longer, she would do it right now and she would never regret it. 

“My baby…” she breathes into Emily’s ear, hoping it will stick. That one day she’ll remember and find her way home, should she need to.

A warm tear slides down Scully’s cheek and lands in Emily’s lap, a dark drop on the girl’s corduroy pants. “Mama loves you, Emily.” She tightens her embrace. “That’s me,” she sniffs. “I love you, Emily.”

Observing this, Missy feels that she is an interloper and slips off to the bathroom, leaving mother and baby to have their moment. 

Scully strokes the girl’s tiny palm with her thumb. She has missed so much already, and my god, she could miss so much more. What is love, if not sacrifice? Hadn’t that been the takeaway from each week of Sunday school?

The conference door opens, and Scully finds herself irritated that life has failed to pause. Oh, what wouldn’t she do to take the reins from God, even for a moment? She looks up at Mulder, doe-eyed as he processes the optical illusion that is Emily and her mother. Said mother sees the tenderness on Mulder’s face as he comes to terms with this sight, and something in both of them breaks, and something else opens. 

Mulder approaches quietly, apprehensive about ruining the moment. Little does he know, he’s not ruining it; he’s completing it. 

“Hey,” Scully swoons. “How was it?”

He’s too earnest to crack a joke right now. “Less nerve-wracking than I expected,” he murmurs. “Brain and Cecily are good people.” 

Scully can’t help but wonder if they’re hammering this point about Brian and Cecily to make her feel better when the gavel falls in their direction. Mulder directs her train of thought away from this when he kneels in front of Emily.  His eyes are as soupy as ever, Scully notices; she could sink right into them.

“May I?”

Scully chuckles under her breath, like a stranger has just asked if they could pet her dog. “Of course, Mulder. Say hi.”

Over the past weeks, Mulder spent considerable time anticipating this initial interaction. First impressions are important, after all, and there is no one he has wanted to impress more than this sweet girl. Ultimately, he decided that he didn’t care what their meeting was, as long as it would be. And now that he’s here, knelt in front of his two favorite girls, he’s ready to make a promise.

He envelops Emily’s closed fist with one hand and uses the other to caress Scully’s palm. “I want you to know,” he begins, shifting his gaze between mother and daughter, “that I’ll always be here for you.” 

He looks to Scully, realizing that Emily is unable to comprehend what he is saying. “Regardless of Brian and Cecily’s choice, I am prepared to make every sacrifice so that you two can be a family. The family you deserve to be. I know what it’s like to not have that, and christ, Scully, I’m not letting you go through that. You’ve had enough for one lifetime.”

Scully’s face puckers. She is moved on a dimension that transcends the spiritual, if such a thing is possible. She closes her eyes, lets the tears slip out, then softens her focus on him. 

“Thank you, Mulder...Fox,” she effuses, needing to heighten the intimacy. “Emily and I…” she kisses her daughter’s temple again. “Well, you know. You already know.” Her voice is somber almost, reminiscent of a wedding vow’s binding utterance.

Mulder smiles up at them, pats Scully’s hand. “I know. Me too.” 

There are many phrases that could fill her blank, but he chose his favorite, and he’s got an inkling that he’s right.

Scully sucks in a breath, and it’s the first one that has ever counted. Earth is new to her, again.

The door opens a second time, and the lawyer approaches with Brian and Cecily behind her.

“Mr. and Mrs. Lace would like to take some time to think about their decision,” Tanya announces. “You will understand, they hope…?”

Scully nods, swallowing back a lump in her throat. She would like to break into a tantrum, throwing chairs and screeching every obscenity she knows. Begging please, please, don’t let me miss another heartbeat. Let me live in this Heaven I’ve found. But no answer is better than an immediate rejection, so she screws her lips into a smile and gives away two more handshakes. 

“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Lace. I’m grateful for this opportunity.”