#I literally never finished s1 partially because of it

[paging-possum]

No because the number of nonwhite dndads fans saying they were put off the show/fandom because of the way white fans treat nonwhite characters…….like hello. Is that not a bit of a sign there’s a problem….If you’re all desperate to critique the show can you also critique the environment you’ve all made.

[varteeny1234]

Marma1ade's Minecraft Skins

I decided to make a post for this because some of the skins have lore stuff attached, some of them I can MAKE lore attached, and some are just missing. Post under read more bc it gets long :P

FIRST! There are currently eight skins under the profile Marma1ade on namemc, despite marm having ten skins total on namemc and in videos (image ids in alt):

What I call the skins:

#8 is s1 Let's Play Marm, #7 is s2 Let's Play Blue Eyes Marm, #6 is Hardcore Marm, #4 is Mangrove Witch Marm, #5 is Pride Mangrove Marm, #3 and #1 are both Void-y Marm, and #2 has not appeared in any recordings that I know of but is named Fancy Blue Coat Marm. (very creative, I know sdlkfjadsf)

The missing skins are Mustache Marm, which I found on SadMilkman's namemc, that she wore during SBK's Milkman Tag minigame:

...and s2 Let's Play Purple Eyes/Chunklock Marm, which I got two screenshots of:

Most of the skins' lore can be found in videos, or it's irrelevant. But Purple Eyes Marm happened in chunklock first, where episode one was posted after Marm beat the ender dragon in her s2 LP world. The change was not in-video and was never mentioned by Marm herself, but she's had purple eyes ever since!

There could be lore implications behind this, but it's highly unlikely, even if Marm has made comments (in the tags/comments of posts she reblogs) that could be her hinting at making lore connections to her previous series- especially Let's Play s1, where her first base was in a mangrove swamp and overall she had a very magical theme to her builds.

Void-Y Marm only exists because something about the void and its magic changed HER magic, resulting in physical corruption, which gets worse with more exposure, apparently!

NOW, something notable about all of her skins is their common shared trait: SHE ALWAYS* HAS A FLOWER IN HER HAIR.

(*with the exception of s1 LP Marm, who has blue hair ties/ribbons and I THINK butterflies but I can't quite tell)

Marm's blue sweater skins all have cherry blossoms, but Mangrove Marm has orchids- because of the swamp, and those are the swamp flowers, and all that. Marm loves cherry trees, too, which is why she has cherry blossoms otherwise! It's a crown of flowers for all but Hardcore Marm, who just has them tucked behind her ear.

We've devolved mostly into headcanon territory now, but based off of Marm's comments on my previously shared headcanons as well as her eyes turning black from her void magic lore, I'm either really good at guessing what she's got going on or she's partially taking inspo from me. Either way I have a lot of fun with her character and I think she's great :D ANYWAYS!

There could possibly be lore about what flowers she has in her hair and how it relates to her series! Chunklock is, so far, the only series with flowers that don't match her main biome, but that's a miniseries with no real way to pick-and-choose a main biome to live in due to the way the mod works. In LP s2 and Hardcore, she lives in or directly next to (respectively) a cherry blossom biome, and as I mentioned two paragraphs ago, SBK Marm/Mangrove Marm has orchids because of the swamp.

If she does have cross-series lore about the mangrove magic, then lore-wise it could be that her flowers are a result of her magic reacting to her biome?

I finished literally every single video on her channel (75, full-length, 5 shorts) and this is what I decided to make today to get all my thoughts in order

FURTHER NOTES: s1 LP Marm has a slightly different hair texture, pants, shoes, and sweater than the rest of them. S1 LP and S2 LP Blue Eyes Marm both have a slightly different shade of blue for their sweater than the rest of them. S2 LP Purple Eyes Marm also has no cherry blossoms in her shoes, unlike S2 LP Blue Eyes Marm. She also has five non-series videos, which she uses whichever skin she happens to be already wearing for. She has five series, too!

please talk to me about marma1ade (/not forced)

[skyfallscotland]

omg samee, I'm a total klaroline fan it's literally half of my bookmarks, just the I intend to be your last scene and caroline being no one's first choice but being the only one klaus had eyes for, and her being the only one who calls him out and holds him accountable and him showing her there is a whole world out there, I liked her last episode originals cameo but kinda wish we could have had something else because the setup was so wonderful and then nothing kinda came out of it lmaoo, anyway that's what fanfics are for(im so partial to caroline leaves and discovers herself and meets klaus somewhere and then magic), stefan and klaus also are chefs kiss, like the dynamic of klaus feeling that there was a time when stefan was one of the most imp people to him and that he knows who stefan truly is and wanting him back and stefan instead of dealing with his emotions about that time just completly running away from it and shutting that whole part of his life down, its such an intriguing dynamic, also hope×izzie I only watched s1 and s2 but yes lizzie was my favorite too, just something about characters being a total mess lmao, and I so wanted them to do something with her and hope. Anyway love your fics and also impeccable taste in tvd ships.

I never finished legacies either, they have a habit of coming out of the gate strong and then ruining shows I feel 😂 but yes, klaroline is the superior ship! The way people constantly misunderstood Klaus grinds my gears to this day 🙃

[sophsun1]

I’m currently rewatching qaf (you are partially to blame for it because of your gifs) and I finished S4 like two days ago. And now I’m trying to convince myself to start s5. Just because I want see the ily and proposal. I hate it so much because s4 is such a beauty (if we ignore the posse storyline). Honestly if they ended it there, I’d be okay ngl, I’m just not ready to break my heart by seeing Brian literally end up alone almost worse as in s1, especially because he had so much growth as a person. Why did the writers have to hate us and the cast and give us such a horrible last season/finale? I already know I’ll immediately go back to the beginning of s2 and second part of s3 to fix the bitter feelings.

Hey anon!

I'm glad my gifs are doing their job!

That's the million dollar question anon? Why did Cowlip write the final season that way?

To be honest it's very rare I watch S5 and if I do it's mostly 5.10 onwards, I avoid the final scene of Brian dancing on the podium to Proud like the plague because it always makes me cry that they ended his story arc that way. There's so much more joy and story telling richness to watching a character evolve and grow into someone better, someone they thought they could never be, finally finding peace, facing their fears and mistakes. Brian was barrelling towards that at the end of S4 he came so far both individually after the cancer/liberty ride arc and with his relationship with Justin. I just think Cowlip had a hard time letting go of the fuck boy Brian Kinney they crafted in S1.

I adore all of S3 it speaks to my angst loving heart so much and it will always be the superior season of qaf.

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

5 14 29

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

i feel like i've had a hundred of these, but i'm gonna talk about one @pixlostinatos and i did notes for AGES ago that has become both less relevant (thanks to s2 jimmy+fwhip's breakup) and more relevant with time (thanks pix).

we were calling it "for few can take a broken world and still with beauty fill it", a lyric from the mechanisms song "pellinore and the beast", which has very similar themes to the fic. basically, the concept was that the clones that joel made in s1 still exist, but are slowly falling to pieces as time goes on. they wander the mesa, and are treated like almost cryptids by the people who live there, because they aren't dangerous or scary, but no one can speak to them. the reason for that is that the clones cannot speak. instead, they speak a modified version of mezealean sign language that's easier on their "a little less than human" hands, and because their version of sign language was already a little weird and also mezalea has been gone for 1,000 years, language has changed.

the plan was to write from three people's perspectives: fwhip, jimmy, and joel, in both s1 and s2. s2 jimmy meets the clones first, and the ones he meets are convinced he's the codfather, and keep attempting to tell him this, but he doesn't know what they're trying to say, just that he recognizes the sign for "fish" in there somewhere. he gets weirded out and shakes the clone off, and quietly warns fwhip (who was still his deputy at the time) to not go near the weird things in the dessert. this would lead into a section about s1 jimmy, and about the fact that the clones knew his face because he felt comfortable taking off his mask around them cause, y'know, they're not human, right?

the second section began with s2 fwhip meeting one of the clones, and notices (just like jimmy had) that they sort of look like god joel. weird. he tries to talk to the clone with the basic mesa sign language he's learned from jimmy, and the clone keeps signing the sign for gunpowder, for some reason fwhip doesn't get, but he eventually takes it back to jimmy, but again, they can't figure out what it wants. the s1 fwhip section would've been about him learning how to interact with and speak to the clones, as well as learning their sign for him, which was a combination of the signs for gunpowder and redstone.

and finally, the joel section. s2 joel meets the clones in the mesa one day and he hates this. it's not quite like looking into a mirror, but it is like looking into a mirror before he jumped into the fountain and it is WEIRD. and then, the clones that are in the area sort of... gather. and they start bowing. which is a bit nice, thanks for the respect, but also, what the fuck? then one of them approaches him, and asks in a sign language he never learned and should not understand what they should build. joel wants to tell them to build something to make jimmy angry- why is his first thought a salmon? he tells them to build some sort of toy story reference, and they disperse. joel feels distinctly weird about the whole thing. the s1 joel section was about him building the clones, and about why the clones are the way they are, and why some had managed to survive. it was a really cool concept and i do wish we'd finished it, but alas.

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

ohhhhh this is so hard to pick i would literally die if i saw any sort of other media made of one of my fics. i think the two that i'm most partial to for this are men are fools, oh, men are frail. like, the entire thing. i think it suits itself well to a comic or other visual medium cause it's mostly dialogue rather than internal thoughts. in the same vein, the conversation between sausage and blood sausage in i still taste you on my lips, lovely bitter water is one that i have wanted to make into a comic for a bit, and that i think suits the medium.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

i hope that ONE OF THESE DAYS i will write a fic about gem and fwhip post rapture returning to the ruins of the other empires, however, it's not going to be in the way i started writing it (which was as part of a different concept about fwhip and family and love and imagined curses) so i'll post two snippets from that fic.

"gem was a good ruler, the finest wizard the crystal cliffs had seen in some time, and maybe, if she'd been countess, things would've been different. fwhip likes to hope they would've been; that if gem had become countess it all would've been ok. but he knows his sister. he knows how much she hated the idea of ruling the grimlands for the rest of her life, the idea of becoming like their father.

the note she wrote when she left told fwhip he was not cursed. she said that he would be a better count than she could have ever been, and that he would be happy.

he read her letter in an empty manor that was suddenly more empty than it had ever been- more empty than had fwhip been entirely alone within it, and he did not believe her."

"they found a shockingly few number of bodies in the end. more people had run away than fwhip had expected. he always assumed he was more a coward than the rest of them, he supposed."

[watery-melon-baller]

4. What detail in Weekend at Belos's are you really proud of?

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

From this: https://www.tumblr.com/watery-melon-baller/723514932243611648/questions-for-fic-writers?source=share

hi zy! i hope you know I deeply appreciate it when you send me asks with the links in them <3 ty for the ask!

4. What detail in Weekend at Belos's are you really proud of?

ooh it has been a hot minute so the details are a bit fuzzy. uh. I like most of the art I've done for it (especially proud of the one I did for hunters room). I guess a detail I like is all the stupid humor that I've included even though some of it is funny only to me. I try to write fics for myself and what I would like so I'm glad I don't look at it and cringe

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

oooh. a really good one I've read (I need to catch up on) is Contingency by Obvious_Ghost where the grimwalkers are like a winter soldier type thing. its an excellent fic. I've had a drawing planned for it but I never got around to finishing it :,) uhhh currently between fandoms at the moment so there isn't really anything specific I'm hunting for lmao

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

some snippets from my current oneshot! it's about Eda and Perry Porter (eda pov) which I'm not the best at but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Okay, okay, I get it. No romance!”

“You got it kid. No romance. Just… awkward adults who knew each other in high school.”

“Clearly not that awkward. I mean, you didn’t do anything terrible. Like break a window, or set the kitchen on fire.”

“Now when have I ever done anything like that?”

“Literally yesterday, Eda. You threw your scroll through the window because an unknown number was calling you.”

"

Eda: eh, you win some, you lose some. i have one of the posters framed

Perry: The one with a million snail reward?

Eda: yep. managed to snag a big one, so it covers half my wall

Perry: Wow. I’m impressed, and a little jealous.

Eda: you could get one too! just commit some treason and become an enemy of the state. you wont get one as impressive as mine but its something

She snickered to herself as her scroll buzzed once, twice. She really should get back to cleaning the fridge, but maybe she could text Perry a bit longer. 

"

Ah, kids. The two of them continued bickering and Eda had to bite back a smile, suddenly reminded of her and Lily as kids, arguing over who should get the last cricket cookie. That was when Dad would come in, splitting the cookie in half for them to both share.

Then they would just start trying to figure out who had the bigger half.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

cool! I will be using this free space to rambke about my toh oneshot. it's funny because I usually would not read something like this but I am writing it so idk what that says about me. irs basically just me realizing that A. Eda and Perry were friends (or at least knew each other) in high school B. They are both single parents C. Their kids are friends so it's not unreasonable to assume that 30~ years later they rekindled their friendship bonding over their kids. theyre both partially based off me and partially based off my parents but like. I remember being a little kid and realizing that my parents didn't really have any (close) friends the way I did and how lonely that must be. eda deserves an adult friend (bonus points for perry also being a parent). the fic is already 8k and I'm halfway through a scene right after the S1 finale and I have at least 4 more planned after that. I'm not super great at writing Eda (why did I decide to write a whole fic from her pov) so it's a bit clunky but if I ever do manage to finuhs it I'm just gonna post it and ignore the mistakes.

[anothertawogsideblog]

i was gonna add my replies in the tags but i feel like they wouldnt fit so im adding here so i hope u dont mind me replying to basically everything lol

also. OP. Thank you so much for this. I am so close to cryign tears of joy. This is amazing. I needed some rlly long rant about Rob djsjd

no really, i loved reading every line of this, it's great[:

1- "the last line haunts me, because in my head animatic, its something he's saying to reassure himself that he'll be okay. that he'll get out of this and still be himself. which,,, i'm sorry," please DO NOT DO THIS TO ME I TEARED UP SO FAST. and also yea. ur so right THAT FITS SO MUCH.

2- OH HSY i love this song it's kewl to see it here and yea that's smart it's fitting[:

3- IK THIS SONG I THOUGHT OF ROB TOO WHEN I HEARD THAT.

"and then seeing them ignoring him in favor of molly"

4- DANG IT OP UR SO SMART U ARE RIGHT ABOUT ALL OF THESE. LIKE. YEA. IT'S SO FITITJG TYSM FOR THIS PLAYLIST IM STEALING ALL THESE SONGS.

"i hc that his pre void self haunts him like a ghost, still undeniably there" real,,,,

5- HEL REAL also very kewl song i love it:3

6- "california isn't particurarly kind to the homeless" was that a reference or am i overthinking this. BUT YEA UR RLLY RIGHT AND IT'S ALSO RLLY SAD.

7- i can't copypaste but the entire wanting revenge part, the "he's never getting back what they took from him" and the last one. OP. YOURE SO RIGHT YOU GET HIM SM IM CRYING,,,,

8- by now, i don't even need to say that again, it is rlly fitting. it obv is BUT AYYY YOU MADE RESEARCH ON WHAT THE TAWOG TEAM SAID ABOUT ROB TOO! i thought i was the only lol, i watched every interview i could find and literally looked at Ben Bocquelet's entire twitter account lol and yea, Rob's arc def was planned on considering that ,according to his tweets, the same month The Nobody came out he already finished the script to The Disaster and by the time of The Ex IIRC he already had the finale planned out(which. surprised me but not that much u can kind of tell it was planned) OH and speaking of after 34 hours of research i did find one extra info. Ben did sorta confirm his post-void design was partially inspired by them having troubles with his s1 3d design and he also had a tweet where he said he loves him....i..have my doubts on that and also my bad i started rambling and completely forgot what i was originally talking about anyway

9- hey OP did i ever mention ur so right about everything. "i like to imagine Rob knows about stuff like that" REAL. also rhsjsh i feel like Rob would probably have listened to that song during The Nobody+dr wreckah era because.. come on... an angry traumatized middle schooler in 2015-2016 who didn't listen to wolf in sheep's clothing?

10- "rejection of the role and what the universe wants him to be" ,the watching the world knowing its not real part and the last part.........listen i know i said this 400 times but. you are literally so correct. about eveythign. i love ur plural-of-analysis .

11- LISTEN IK I SAID THANKS ALREADY BUT. THWNK YOU SO MUCH ESP FOR THIS SONG. I LOVE IT SM I THINK ITS MY FAV OUT OF THE PLAYLIST. IT'S SO REAL...

Also theyre not fitting to that speciric situation but i feel like some other lyrics also fit to him,,, like "was when i left the cave and swore i'd never go back" you can. probably figure out what the cave would be and yea the swore i'd never go back part makes sense cuz Rob clearly tried rlly hard and did everything he could not to get sent to the void again.

and also "I'll trade in vision for a practiced intuition, 'til my fears come to fruition, I'm not scared" sorta made me think of The Future lol

12- "will things ever get better for him? Will things bet better for anyone?" "Imagine holding infite power in ur hands only to be sent back to the buzzing white hellscape everything terrible began?"

and come on i don't even need to say the rest is also really fitting imo it's just implied atp

13- OMG YEA THIS IS SO RELA ESP THE GUILT PART AND THE FACT TJAT HE'S THE ONLY WHO KNOWS OUCH,,, no but yea Rob went thru so much trauma just in those. like first he finds out he's fictional and none of this is real. then he gets his trauma replayed back to him. then he gets sent to the void...again. and then there's the guilt of everything...damn the writers do not hold back when it comes to Rob i swear

14- YES CRYING TOO....also ay another song ik that reminded me of Rob too! it was just the first part for me but yea i can see the rest[:

15- listened to the song. v nice. indeed fitting.

16- YES I HAVE LISTENED TO THE LYRICS. YEAH YOURE RIGHT THEY RLLY DO REMIND ME OF THE FUTURE,,,

17- HFJDSJHD YEA EXACTLY ESP THE APRT WHERE U SAID HE'S ANGRY BCUZ HE WAS TRYING TO DO SOMETHING GOOD BUT STILL GOT FUCKED OVER SOBBING RN

18- i like ur hc about him being the one to make these honeslty i feel it's either that or he got them from the awesome store,,no idea where he would get the money to buy those.

BUT YEA I NOTICED THE BACKPACK MISSING TOO THAT'D ACTUALLY BE RLLY KEWL...

also, btw which painting do u mean? my bad sorry lol but u mean the one Barbara did of him at the end right? if yes, then yea i doubt he'd know about it AND YEA THE OTHER 2 THINGS. UR SO RIGHT.

"the void is waiting for him" 1-REAL 2-SOBS the void is such an asshole istg and yes i will call the void an asshole despite it being a location because it is still a sentient being. that lil shit knows what it's doing. seriously whys the void like this . dude aren't you the universe itself why are u beefing with a child who literally just existed. like Gumball said in The Vegging why can't it sort out actual problems like poverty or world hunger

19-

that's it. that's my thoughts.

20- DGSJSH YEA THATS SUCH A GOOFY NAME i had the finale spoiled but i def think i would have realized it was Rob in 5 seconds. No one else would literally call themself Evil and say it's pronounced like eh-vol. come on. that's such a Rob thing. I can literally picture him writing that name down and being like "it's perfect no one will suspect a thing" and REAL!!!

21- YES I DO REMEMBER.....sobs please i am running out of sad reaction images....

22- the part where he doesn't know who he wants to be. "maybe once this is over he can finally choose for himself"

AND YES PLEASE LET ROB BE HAPPY!!!!

23- "no matter what he did, it all ended the same" YEA EXACTLY it breaks my heart sm...the fact that he literally had to pretend to be evil to survive for so long just to get sent back to the void...like it was all for nothing.......

and yea i do have a few songs in mind lemme know if it's okay for me to dm u(:

@anothertawogsideblog its been a while, but i still wanted to respond to this! first off, thank you for your compliment on this post, it really means a lot! second of all, yes! although whatever song you have to recommend, it might already be on here! (however if it isn't, dm me!! i have something for that ;3c)

i've actually been waiting for an opportunity to share this, so thank you so much!

this playlist follows Rob's character progression through the original series (wiiiith some gaps filled in ;3)

below the cut are my insane ramblings explanations of why i picked the songs on the playlist, where/how they fit into the timeline of events, aaand a couple of headcanons i have that were inspired by the songs :D i tried to be quick and concise and only talk about lines that REALLY stood out to me

WARNING: don't click on it unless you are prepared to do a bit of reading. legitimately i'm warning you here, there's well over 3K words on this (not counting the lyric transcriptions)

wow, really? okay, strap in!

Self- by Will Wood and The Tapeworms

this and -Ish were recommendations from my partner, so thank you to him :3

the respective opening and closing songs to SELF-iSH tied the og album together, so it was only natural that they serve the same function here.

the SELF-iSH album already deals with themes of identity, and i personally find Rob to be so interesting because of his complex relationship with his identity. or i guess the relationship that i perceive him to have

this song is short, but it's one of many songs that represents something we didn't see happen onscreen. for this one, its Rob getting zapped into the Void.

"well i don't remember 2012, but i heard the world would turn to hell, and compared to that, well, i'm doing well, so i pray to God it really did"

2012 was the year the show began, but its also a year where people believed the world would end. the connection is sort of paradoxical in relation to the show

"so when all my friends forget my name, no, i wont come back and be the same, no, i wont come back and be the same, and i'm gonna be myself again"

this part in particular is not only representing him being erased from the mind's of people who knew him, but also foreshadowing his eventual transformation...

the last line haunts me, because in my head animatic, its something he's saying to reassure himself that he'll be okay. that he'll get out of this and still be himself. which,,, i'm sorry, excuse me (UGLY CRIES HARD INTO A PILLOW) okay next song

Turn the Lights Off by Tally Hall

AUTISM JUMPSCARE

so this song is basically the ensuing panic and chaos from being brought to a place where mistakes are kept. most of my head animatic is just him wandering around in the Void and being chased or frightened by all the weird shit in there.

"eyes of yellow scales and feathers tails in tethers turn the lights off"

more foreshadowing,,,, how the white of his eye changes to yellow after the Void,,,,,,, how he gets a pig tail in The Future,,,,,,,,,,,,, yeah

Sweet Hibiscus Tea by Penelope Scott

Penelope Scott is a recurring artist on this playlist :3 (foreboding sense of doom)

"and i am not your protagonist i'm not even my own i don't know anything i don't even know what i don't know"

local boy achieves sentience, more at 11

"and if you look outside you'll see disintegrating trees the artificial way the sunlight bounces off the waxy leaves"

these lines perfectly paint a picture of a world that is not real, again tying into him becoming sentient

"and if you look outside you'll see disintegrating trees the artificial way the sunlight bounces off the glitching leaves"

do i even have to say it.

"my wet heart catches on every thorn you're already halfway out the door"

Rob calling out to Gumball and Darwin and then seeing them ignore him in favor of Molly........

"and i'm so tiny and so old and god its never been so cold and it is 85 degrees i don't know what i need"

the ending to this song feels so hopeless and frustrated. which sadly, ties in perfectly.

ECHO by Crusher-P (feat. GUMI)

this is like. the ultimate Rob song for so many reasons. here are my takes!!

"the clock stopped ticking forever ago how long have i been up? i don't know"

reflecting on how long he's been in the Void. has it been a day? or has it been years? it's impossible to know

"why cant i see, why cant i see all the colors that you see? please can i be, please can i be colorful and free?"

so in this instance “seeing color” is a sorta metaphor for being important or interesting. things which he wasn't, based on being put into the Void.

then him longing to be important, to be interesting, to be out of this god-forsaken place

"what the hell's going on? can someone tell me please? why i'm switching faster than the channels on TV I'm black, then i'm white no, something isn't right my enemy's invisible, i don't know how to fight"

in reference to his surroundings being screens of TV static. realizing that his real enemy is whatever decides who’s important and who isn’t, but not knowing how to fight back against it

"the trembling fear is more than i can take when i'm up against the echo in the mirror"

at this point the "echo" is the boy he was when he was brought here. young and naïve, hopeful that somebody would remember him and care enough about to come rescue him.

"i'm gonna burn my house down into a ugly black, i'm gonna run away now and never look back"

this is him running after the van and leaving this fucked up place behind. the fact that these lines repeat and overlap each other really sells the amp up towards the climax that is him grabbing onto the side of the van and holding on until we flash to the other side.

"what the hell's going on? can someone tell me, please? why i'm switching faster than the channels on TV I'm black, then i'm white, no, something isn't right, my enemy's invisible, i don't know how to fight,"

this,,,,, this is after the memory wipe. this is the "who am i? what happened? whats… wrong with me?" that happens as soon as he's spat out the other side.

"the trembling fear is more than i can take when i'm up against the echo in the mirror"

now the echo is a ghost of his former self, before he was transformed. i headcanon that his pre-Void self's appearance haunts him like a ghost, never being fully visible or tangible in any way, but still undeniably there.

from this point on when he tries to interact with it or remember who he was, its like trying to grab fog. it just slips right through his fingers and dissipates into nothing.

Eighth Wonder by Lemon Demon

FIRST and ONLY silly song!!! this one is him sneaking into and hiding in the Watterson's house almost entirely undetected :3 (DON'T look at his body dysphoria look at him he’s normal he’s NORMAL)

Projections by CG5

hey hey hey hey hey DON'T look at the Bendy and The Ink Machine character on the cover of the song—look at me! this song is a PERFECTLY NORMAL CHOICE-hey hey! stop looking at The Projectionist look at me-LOOK AT ME! this is NORMAL.

just. hear me out, okay. just listen. to the song.

"in the dark i see everything there's no place that i'd rather be"

he's just some poor amnesiac hiding out in a basement. he isn't happy about it, but he doesn't have anywhere to go. no memories, no family, and goodness knows California isn't particularly kind to the homeless. he has nowhere else to go. this is what he has and he has to deal with it.

"way back in history, you could say i was very bright, but now i'm drawn to the deepest darkness, and that's where i find my light”

and now he's alone in the dark, where the only light he has is the light that emits from his body.

"everywhere that i look, all that i see is projections of what i used to be"

he sees the ghost of his former self so often, and he knows that it's a clue to his past, but he can never get a good enough look at it to jog his memories.

in the original song, the change in vocalist signifies that Norman Polk, (the soul trapped inside The Projectionist) is the one singing now. i though that was cool, so that format carries over here as the former self begins to sing!

"but i guess it'll always be like this cant change anything about this infinite abyss”

infinite abyss is the Void that lurks just beyond their world, all powerful and unchanging

“i cant believe that this is happening, not at all i'm literally a walking thing singing 'bout my downfall i can still remember the day that i drowned, but i never even died"

this is the part in The Nobody when he got his memories back and decided to pursue vengeance

"start the show and look up at the screen watch from the beginning to the end of the scene if you want to learn more about me just watch the projections of what i used to be"

the rest of the song is his acceptance of the villain role and the ghost abandoning him for it

Again by Crusher-P

the first song for The Nemesis!!!

okay so quick thing before we start: there's a cover of this song by Jayn and The Living Tombstone (MAJOR FLASHING LIGHT WARNING FOR THE VIDEO). this version changed the lyrics in some places which offered some SUPER awesome opportunities for angst stuff. i would have put this version on the playlist, but it sadly isn't available on Spotify :( so for simplicity's sake i'll just talk abt the original here :)

i sort of see this song as an argument between his current self and the one he left behind. how much this anger and resentment has changed him from what he was. some parts of the song are sung by his past self and others are sung by the present.

"i haven't been myself lately i don't blame you for not wanting to stay saying things that i don't mean not meaning what i say"

(lines 1 and 2 are present self, lines 3 and 4 are past self)

i think that after he accepted the role of antagonist, the ghost of who he was before just vanished. i like to believe it was afraid of him, and perhaps ashamed, too.

"when its good, its so good when its bad, its so bad even when i knew what i had what am i supposed to say when i end up driving everyone away?"

(present self)

wanting revenge can change you. you were hurt, or something was taken from you, and you want to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. when you have all of that anger festering inside of you, it can distort whatever idea you have of who you are—and that is what happened here. the anger and resentment not only permanently changed who he is now, but scared away what little of himself he had left.

"every inch of me is charred god, what happened to my heart? i'm about to fall apart again, again and you're never coming back and i'm not okay with that! and i should have never let myself get attached!"

(present self speaking about past self)

he's never getting back what they took from him. he'll never be the same, because of them. who he was — that's not him anymore, and its their fault.

"and its like every day is a fight for my life to get some self control and when you've forgotten who i am, it just feels, it just feels like i'm nobody at all"

(present self talking about past self)

again, the ghost disappearing after he accepts the antagonist role making him lose touch with who he was

"i lost myself hitting the ground i held my breath in case i drowned"

flashback to when he got spat out of the Void without his memories. when he got his memories back, he also regained self-awareness.

"i should have known when to let go and when to see who i was being"

maybe it was a mistake. but its still their fault. now he's REALLY mad.

Enemy by Imagine Dragons

i think you and i know each other pretty well at this point. you're reading my analytical mini-essay about this cartoon character. we’re being cringe together. you won’t make fun of me for choosing the jerma meme song.

the first part of this song is for The Bus. think of it as an internal monologue while he does his villain shit. this one also kind of touches on how he’s taking the nemesis thing a lot more seriously than Gumball is

the second part of the song transitions into the events of The Disaster.

"they say pray it away i swear that i’ll never be a saint, no way”

this is Rob reflecting the role he’s been given as antagonist because he wants to be the main character. he’s not content to be a good little character and stay in his assigned role, he wants freedom!

“a chair in the corner is my place i stay i shake and i think about the powers at play, the powers at play”

the powers at play are exactly what they sound like. it’s the show runners and the audience — the people who are watching and controlling his fictional world.

“and the kids in the dark that were doomed from the start,"

i've done a little digging into what the show creators have said about Rob, and from what i can gather it was planned for him to have had this happen to him from a very early point in the show. so. yeah. doomed from the start indeed

"love is a constant, love is a basis, he cannot be, she cannot be, they can not be changed goodbye..."

everyone in this story is powerless to change it. everyone... except him, now that he has the remote

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing by Set It Off

a classic villain rage song! most of this is him fucking up Gumball's life in The Disaster

"baa baa, black sheep, have you any soul? no, sir, by the way what the hell are morals?!"

fun fact! early prototype versions of Gumball made him a black cat to tie into his unluckiness :3 they didn't end up going with it because he was too hard to see against black backgrounds, but still. i like to imagine Rob knows stuff like that,,,,

"maybe you'll change abandon all your wicked ways make amends and start anew again maybe you'll see all the wrongs you did to me and start all over, start all over again"

this is that moment in The Disaster where Rob tries to reveal the nature of their world to Gumball

"oh, who am I kidding? now, let's not get overzealous here you've always been a huge piece of shit if I could kill you, I would but it's frowned upon in all fifty states having said that, burn in hell, yeah!"

but Gumball doesn't understand. so Rob gives up and decides to finish what he started.

"karma's gonna come collect your debt!"

at the end of the song its Gumball jumping in after the remote, Rob closing the AV portal like curtains, and Gumball managing to press the rewind button, transitioning into the next episode

Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land by MARINA

holy fuck i love this one okay lets go. now we're in The Re-Run, but these next two songs are replacing the ones that were there in The Disaster

"you don't have to be like everybody else you don't have to fit into the norm you are not here to conform"

again, rejection of the role he was given and what the universe wants him to be.

"i am here to take a look inside myself recognize that I could be the eye, the eye of the storm"

now that he has the remote, he can be the center of it all. the eye of the storm, the main character.

"i am not my body, not my mind or my brain (ha) not my thoughts or feelings, I am not my DNA i am the observer, I'm a witness of life"

i like the interesting position that sentience puts him in. he's watching the world with the context that none of its real, so he's watching it with us, the audience. but he's still living through all of these experiences like they are real because they’re happening in his reality, so he’s still part of the show and,,, yeah you get it.

"i live in the space between the stars and the sky"

line is in reference to how he's caught between worlds. he doesn't belong in Elmore, but he doesn't want to go back to the Void

Dr. Sunshine Is Dead by Will Wood and The Tapeworms

ooooh this one’s good. let’s get started.

"if we can't see each other, then there's no more use for hiding I've decided I'll abide it; why deny the color black?"

why shouldn't he have what he wants? he has all of the power to get it. who's going to stop him?

"i'm not a flower, not a solar-powered calculator Damn my eyes for seeing what's not there"

these lines are in reference to Leslie and Bobert, who get to be important and interesting and not having their lives ripped apart by the universe. god fuck those guys and fuck him for ever wanting to settle for being a cute side character when he could have THIS

"the future must know where you've been the past predicts the state you're in the present did and will not last is, isn't, was, have, hasn't, has"

this is the part where Gumball starts to get the upper hand and it starts to dawn on Rob that he's fucked

"all that i ask is, keep those empty frames if nobody's in them, then no one is to blame for your self-portraits, sign another name well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same?

Gumball ejects him. and now he's falling…

"and if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? i'll stay awake tonight..."

if he can come so close to his perfect life, if he can wield the power of a god and still fail--is there any point in continuing to think he can be anything else? anything but a mistake to be cast aside and forgotten?

there's nowhere to go--no point in trying to be anything else. this is the end.

Bad Apple!! - English Remaster by RichaadEB and Christina Vee

STOP LAUGHING

okay so this cover is metal as fuck and i love it a lot but anyway- we're still in The Re-Run at this point. just for fun we're going to pretend he was in there a lot longer than he was in canon

"and maybe its a dream, maybe nothing else is real but it wouldn't mean a thing if i told you how i feel"

oughhh imagine trying to pull the wool away from someone's eyes only for them not to understand and leave you more isolated than you've ever been before.

"you could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go, but i doubt that i would care and my heart would never know"

so what if he's a mistake? does any of it really matter in the first place if none of it’s real?

"will tomorrow ever come? will i make it through the night? will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?"

will things ever get better for him? will things get better for anyone trapped in the existential nightmare of their own fictionality?

will the mistakes of the world ever find peace, or comfort, or solace in what they are--toys to be ripped apart and cast aside by greater beings?

"if i find a way to change, if i step into the light then i'll never be the same and it all would fade to white"

imagine holding infinite power in your hands--the ability to rewrite reality to your liking, to step into the spotlight you've yearned for for so long, only to be sent back to the buzzing white hellscape where everything terrible began?

ramping up towards the climax of the song is when Gumball enters to rescue him from this place. Rob is running from him stubbornly because he's being overwhelmed by hatred and hopelessness- convinced an eternity of loneliness is what he deserves.

"this time you're not hurting me! this time i will take a stand! all the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan standing lonely in the night, with the darkness by my side"

he finally gets ahold of the remote again. Gumball is utterly defenseless--and Rob has the chance to finish what he started. but...

"looking deep inside myself, and revealing only fright"

but standing behind Gumball is the ghost. his ghost.

"if i make another move, if i take another step then it all would fall apart, there'd be nothing of me left"

the person that he was- the person who would have done anything to even have the chance to be rescued, is right there.

if he does this--if he takes Gumball's life in favor of an eternity of loneliness--then he'll lose what little remained of who he was.

so he cant do it. he cant bring himself to do it. so he goes back

"so i'm back here once again, so i'm back here once again! will i ever make a change? will my heart begin to mend?

this one simple action, where Gumball goes back into the Void to save Rob even though he's won, it lets Rob forgive him in a sense. the two of them are friends now.

"would you love me if i go?"

but it cant last, even if he wants it to. he has to fix the mess he's created.

"it feels like a heart attack! but still everything's the same-"

so he rewinds, fixing all of the problems he caused. he finally stops just after he first got the remote

"and it all just fades to black"

he smashes the remote and the world goes dark as the credits roll and the music fades out...

Amygdala’s Ragdoll by Ghost and Pals

this is another song that takes place during some offscreen time, specifically the time between the rerun's end the ex's beginning.

there's a general theme of guilt and anguish in this song. he reason he “breaks up” with Gumball is tied to what happened at the end of The Re-Run. Rob feels bad about ruining Gumball life and he’s still struggling with the guilt of his actions along with everything else.

"an eye for an eye that's how the game works i'm losing my autonomy, a mutilated part of me"

being aware that you are fictional character and therefore losing what autonomy you had because somebody is making all of your decisions for you & having a mangled, broken body that's a distorted version of who you are or used to be.

"today something changed i figured it's true the frontal lobe placed me behind my own strings 'cause i defy the way the game works i'll say it again, i'm only getting worse"

yet another reference to Rob being sentient and trying to go against the show's narrative

"the dull assumptions that I've tasted decency waiting for the embers to lose their glow and I, and I dunno oh, all I've ever seen before were clusters of holes"

he's really been put through the ringer for like. genuinely no reason. what was the point.

“the fire and i, alone again the guilt and i, alone again”

ough this one hits. after everything that happened in the re-run can you imagine the kind of guilt he felt? like. friendly reminder that The Re-Run was an infinitely more fucked up episode than The Disaster because one character CEASED TO EXIST and another literally DIED onscreen.

jesus. being somewhat responsible for that happening has GOT to fuck you up.

Be Nice To Me by The Front Bottoms

this one is a breakup song that i put on here just for The Ex because there is no heterosexual explanation for it. anyway

the themes of hating someone you’re in a relationship with and trying to get them out of your life but they just keep showing up despite every attempt you make to push them away,,, yeah

“i got boulders on my shoulders collarbones begin to crack there is very little left of me and it’s never coming back”

CRYING

"you say i'm changing sorry, i didn't know i had to stay the same could we talk about this later? your voice is driving me insane, driving me insane!

you get it. you see the parallels.

"you're a werewolf and i'm a full moon all your very worst enemies will be gone soon"

oh boy, more foreshadowing! but yeah that's it for The Ex. moving on!

Infinitesimal by Mother Mother

this is one of the few super mentally ill songs that i let stay on the playlist.

this song has a general theme of feeling like an idiot for being upset about seemingly minuscule problems. its also a song about existentialism, which i thought was fitting

All The Rowboats by Regina Spektor

this ones for The Future! starting with him kidnapping Banana Barbara and ending with him being erased, then painted back into existence.

like. listen to these lyrics and TELL me it cant be tied to the paintings predicting unchangeable futures.

"all the rowboats in the paintings they keep trying to row away and the captains' worried faces stay contorted and staring at the waves they'll keep hanging in their gold frames for forever, forever and a day all the rowboats in the oil paintings they keep trying to row away, row away"

Rät by Penelope Scott

i imagine this takes place when Rob wakes up after being painted back into existence.

now he's dealing with anger and resentment over Gumball again, but now its different because he was TRYING to do a good thing but he STILL got FUCKED OVER ANYWAY.

"i fell for circuit boards rocket ships pictures of the stars if you could only be what you pretend you are"

if only Gumball could be a somebody who's worthy of being the main character

"let me level with you, man as someone guilty of the game i took the help, I took the cash i would've taken your last name"

in reference to Rob trying to replace Gumball using the remote, but ultimately choosing not to

This Is Home by Cavetown

this song is where i introduce one of my favorite headcanons inspired by this playlist: that Rob was the one who built the transformation machines from The Inquisition.

in this song, he's starting to work on his plans to save everyone as well as reflecting on his life and the decisions he's made up until now.

“i’ll cut my hair to make you stare”

okay so. you know that cluster of polygons on Rob's back? it’s supposed to be a backpack, but the fans (myself included) always draw it as a ponytail.

in The Inquisition, its missing.

i'm serious, go and watch that episode back. it's just gone.

this was probably a purposeful choice during production so that the audience wouldn't see his model clipping through the floor in the shots where he's lying down, since that would break immersion.

but in conjunction with the ponytail headcanon? oh man.

i like to think that after the events of The Future, Rob cut his hair. mostly because i just LOVE the trope of a character cutting their hair to symbolize change/character growth. not sure how it would work with his whole... whatever he has going on, but i digress

"are you dead? sometimes i think i'm dead 'cause i can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head but i don't wanna fall asleep just yet my eyes went dark i don't know where my pupils are but i'll figure out a way to get us outta here"

i don't think Rob knows about the painting, but what he does know is that the world is ending, and he doesn't want to disappear before he can have a chance to save everyone.

"get a load of this monster he doesn't know how to communicate his mind is in a different place can everybody please give him a little bit of space?

reflecting on how he handled the confrontation in the Future. he was so fixated on finding answers and getting rid of obstacles that he hadn't thought to explain the reasons behind his actions to anyone.

"get a load of this trainwreck his hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet but little do we know the stars welcome him with open arms oh..."

little does Rob know that while he works on a solution, the Void is waiting for him.

Moonsickness by Penelope Scott

getting all of the machines to work right is an arduous task. he's building all of them from scratch, conducting all of the necessary tests, dealing with all of the bugs and problems, and its all on a time limit. the world is set to end any day now and he feels like he's failing, but he has to keep going for the sake of everyone in Elmore.

Who We Are by Imagine Dragons

we've finally made it to The Inquisition!! think of this song sort of like an internal justification for his actions as Superintendent Evil (goofy ass name btw, there's no way he didn't come up with that because of the Dr Wrecker persona)

“it’s who we are, doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far, doesn’t matter if it’s all okay, doesn’t matter if it’s not our day,”

its for the greater good.

"oh, wont you save us from what we are?"

"up in the attic, down in the cellar lost in the static, coming back for more oh, for more"

they need to do this. they need to change. there's no other way.

but things never go his way, do they?

7 O'Clock by Penelope Scott

after he gets knocked out via t. rex clobbering, in my head there's an intense dream sequence that this and part of Some Nights takes place in.

"a glitch in the game, i loop like a bug and all that i ever wanted was a really tight hug"

REMEMBER WHEN HE AND GUMBALL HUGGED IN THE RE-RUN? BECAUSE I DO

"a glitch in the game, i loop like a bug and all i ever died for was a really tight hug"

SCREAMING AND CRYING ANS SOBBING AND WAILING AND BANGING MY FISTS ON THE FLOOR

"the future is static, it drips on the floor and makes its way underneath my bedroom door"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ARHARGGARRAFHRASFASGA (<- INSANITY)

Some Nights by fun.

oh my god we finally made it to the reason i made this post. if you've made it this far you have a problem (<- WROTE ALL THE SHIT)

so. this song is already about reflecting on your past. but my GOD its like they made this song for Rob because so many lines just fit him perfectly. lets get into it.

"but i still wake up, i still see your ghost"

when he started working on a way to save everyone, i like to imagine the ghost started appearing more frequently, eagerly watching him work on a solution and rooting for him to finally become a better person

"oh Lord, i'm still not sure what i stand for what do i stand for? what do i stand for? most nights i don't know anymore"

i'm. sorry guys i need a second. (UGLY CRIES SUPER LOUD INTO A PILLOW)

at this point he doesn't know who he wants to be. first he didn't know who he was. then he decided he would be someone driven by anger and vengeance. then he wanted to turn over a new leaf, but was dragged back into villainy.

so who should he be? the frail and scared amnesiac? the malicious and cunning villain? or... maybe, once all of this is over, he can finally choose for himself.

"well some nights i wish that this would all would end 'cause i could use some friends for a change! and some nights i'm scared you'll forget me again some nights i always win (i always win)"

I'M SOBBING JUST LET HIM BE HAPPY

"so this is it? i sold my soul for this? washed my hands of that for this? i miss my mom and dad for this? no, when i see stars- when i see- when i see stars, that's all they are"

this whole bit is him waking up and monologing about why they stopped him. if he's failed, what was the point of all of this? what was the point of anything?

"well, that is it guys, that is all five minutes in, and i'm bored again ten years of this, i'm not sure if anybody understands"

in reference to how people sometimes tune out in the middle of a show's the runtime and also. the show turned twelve this year. (kubrik stare)

"the other night, you wouldn't believe the dream i just had about you and me i called you up, but we both agree

the ground starts to shake under him and the floor caves in. we hear the final lines of the song as he falls in slow motion, deeper and deeper into the abyss.

"its for the best you didn't listen its for the best we get our distance, oh its for the best you didn't listen its for the best we get our distance, oh"

-Ish by Will Wood and the Tapeworms

in his final moments, Rob reflects on his life for a final time. falling through the air, he realizes that who he is, who he was, who he wanted to be never mattered anyway. because no matter what he did, it all ended the same.

with the world devoured by static and nobody left to defend it.

[anolyso]

Utena thoughts...about 2 weeks later

I've been putting it off for way too long and so most of my thoughts stopped being fresh. On top of watching way too many analysis vids post-watch, but still I do at least want to put my 2cents of Revolutionary Girl Utena out there for the world.

Utena is perhaps one of the most famous "magical girl"/shoujo action shows out there for not only it's transgressive themes of relationship abuse and low-key pretty much being the poster girl for like actual feminist perspective on/in anime...but also just doing it all in both a heavily allegorical and understated, yet super over-the-top stylish fashion

But that's it's reputation preceding itself, is Utena worth while all these years? The answer is Yes, but it also really shows it's age and budget in pacing and repetition, tho as an appreciator for "behind the scenes" compromises in art, it's more showcasing Ikuhara's talent in working around both taboo and long-form budget constraints with just well-thought out and iconic imagery that - while episodic and formulaic - is just very good at filling the 39 eps with feasts for the eyes.

Utena broadly is about tomboy Utena with memories long ago after her parents died being "saved" by a princely figure like a princess...except she's so enthralled by the nostalgia that instead she becomes a full on Prince herself and receives a dueling ring to fight in the Ohtori Acadamy secret duels for "engagement" to Rose Bride Himemiya Anthy.

Utena is divided between 4 arcs, only the first and last being Manga adapted from hearsay:

1: Student Council Saga

2: Black Rose Saga

3: Akio Ohtori Saga

4: Apocalypse

From back to forth I'd say that Akio + Apoc is more just escalation into the finale while Black Rose being anime original comes off as a glorified side-character study which while complementing the secondary cast, feels like one of those Anime movies that has to say "but if you don't watch this part, it's pretty much optional for the main plot" despite it also actually introducing the most important antagonist within it's margins.

More importantly, it's the Student Council (arc and the actual people) that lay the foundation but also a large part of the show's focus which ironically puts Utena in the background until like almost the finale and some in-between developments, so it's less "Utena (and Anthy Himemiya)'s story" until the very end, but more like a showcase of how fucked up the system at large is (pin in that).

By the Council themselves is:

Kyouichi Saionji: The biggest jobber, like actually introduced as the most despicable loser ep 1 and proceeds to be a complete arrogant joke for the rest of the show. Honestly in another shojo "love" story, they'd find some way to redeem him but semi-compellingly they turn him into like an Aqua-lad type pathetic brat with an inferiority complex to the actual Student head

Miki Kaoru: the naive "nice, non-threatening soft boy" that also just never actually listens to the girls around him. Probably adds more complexity to the whole patriarchal idea on analytic reflection since yeah, the whole "nice guy finishes last" plays up better when the kid comes off as that "ally" energy of wanting to save Himemiya from being the Rose Bride but also low-key won't actually not just do the duels and win her cuz he's that sorta wishy-washy hypocrite. Arguably the least hateable guy in the cast (minus mascot Chu-Chu)

Juri Arisugawa: TRAGIC LESBIAN TRIANGLE LOVE. Probably the biggest point to of both "not-explicitly homosexual" but also really freaking obvious since her entire story is her girlfriend stealing her "boy crush" when actually she was crushing on her and being pretty much frustrated throughout her story as pining most of it. It's quaint by today's standards but also like damn girl, get over her she was like the worst back stabbing bitch (literally if Black Rose counts)

Nanami Kiryuu: SPEAKING OF QUEEN BITCH, it's been a long time since I've watched a High School girl bully and honestly it's kinda refreshing. If Miki is "soft-boy uwu" Nanami is a brat that gets her come-uppance often, featured prominently as an anime only with the MOST filler/comedic episodes but also not low-key, being the most out-spoken actual brother complex ironically spins perhaps the biggest twist and ironic relationships of "I love my brother but not-like-that but also like-that" by the end. Mostly comedic relief but I find her inclusion to actually add a lot more to juxtapose...

Touga Kiryuu: Big Student Council Prez himself, the first arc antagonist and also a strong foil to Saionji and later a stepping stone for Akio. Touga is THE image of a Princely Playboy Heart-Throb that in any other Shoujo romance would have the main girl win him over from all those "other girls" despite him being apathetic if not outright manipulative of them. Good thing Utena is better than that and really puts a spotlight on just not-actually-ok his power hunger for "the power to bring the world revolution" that leads him to heavily objectify Anthy, arguably even more than Misogynist Trophy Girlfriend beater Saionji, since he doesn't even see her as more than a means to an end despite professing and looking the Prince part but lacking all the actual virtues.

The Student council matters more since they're characters and subsequent tragic flaws are the ACTUAL meat of the show and on second rumination actual shows more how fucked up the system/gender dynamic/power hierarchy is since - while it blatantly fucks over Juri who can't just outright say who she likes - also show almost it's own sub-text of Masculine failings: Saionji desperately clinging to being TOXIC MASCULINE™ and completely falling short underneath Touga; Miki's "nice boy" act belying him trying to replace his low-key nostalgia for his sister (also a bitch, but apparently was more like Nanami in the manga); and best yet Touga being the quintessential "Prince in all but actual behavior" by emulating a cutthroat and Machiavellian world view but coming up empty because well, he's just an illusion of a prince...but that leads in way more to the big finale piece where I'll reintroduce the actual story's main trio

Utena Tenjou: Tomboy Prince with brain empty except for lesbian thoughts. Honestly probably what every western "STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN" archetype wishes they were since while having very tomboyish personality in athletics, blunt speaking and also VERY oblivious to the actual plot for REAL DRAMATIC IRONY, but also never actually demeaning her being feminine partially due to her love of an childhood prince and how she maintains her relationship with both her friend Wakaba and later Anthy. Honestly mostly a plot device after S1 until she gets ACTUAL development by the very end and instead kinda bumbles her way into undoing the entire REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD. I kinda wish she felt either more cognizant or at least felt like she was developing/properly rebuking the rest of the cast's power obsessions but I guess that's for the movie.

Anthy Himemiya: Actual Trophy Wife with a dark secret (darker than ski- wait no that's terrible scratch that). Set-up very much as an immediate princess in distress while also being the most femme Yamato Nadeshiko, Anthy being the Rose Bride as a literal prize who acts and behaves as whom she's "engaged" with desires while otherwise being quiet, wry, mysterious and noticably submissive, by the end it actually plays up into THE BIG REVEALS of just how abused she's been into a hopeless acceptance...like y'know actual abuse victims.

Akio Ohtori: Grade A Antagonist, probably the most insidious I've seen a villain in a while, Akio is notable for, back in 1997, being perhaps the big go-to of actual deconstructing the facade of a whole shoujo genre's "hots for a teacher/sexy man putting the moves" and highlighting how actually exploitative and abusive a person like that really is. Being Himemiya's brother (somewhat justified in the manga by both being a weird Sailor Moon-esque reincarnation of gods/godesses of Dios), despite how much of his motives are runing the background and how the entire back story is  uh...brought up in like barely in the last arc with little lead up (some scenes feel like they'd be a full melodrama season and they just have like 1 scene in the final arc episodes) he manages to one-up Touga (in the plot as well) by instead of "just" objectifying girls, not-just-flat out saying Utena looks best as a princess, but y'know the fact that he is implicitly yet constantly exploiting and victim-blaming Anthy for her own suffering for "the power of Dios/Revolution of the world" turns it on its head

I've spent all this time on characters but in truth a lot of the meat of the show relies again on the Council Members fleshing out the issues of system leading to outright divorcing "being a Prince" (heroic altruistic virtues) and "being a man" (considering like all but maybe the comedic relief have some deliberately misogynistic behavior) and beyond just the plot (or rather character) synopsis, the talent goes far more in how it's framed, the symbolic/allegorical shots, the repetition adding a good episode formula flow to character showcases, probably the most "tasteful" allusion to uh...*ahem* sexual abuse that so many other edgier/prentious shows fumble. Both in how intimidating yet understated it's foreshadowing is until they hard-reveal it despite never explicitly naming it even tho it sends Nanami into hysterics

Really it's both a massive blessing and reason for it's cult beloved status for it's aesthetics but also it's burden, for being a full 39 episodic season by season character development study of everyone BUT the main trio except for snippets and the very end that makes it greatly appreciable as a legitimate work of art.

What I wanted more to say however (long overdue) is that a large part of following is, visibly at least, western feminist critiques and yes while it almost seems like Utena fits the "deconstructing patriarchy" story like a glove...it's weird how almost none of them actually can give a good historical account of actual Japanese female/gender/sexuality norms nor Anime contemporaries actually were. Like Tenchi Muyo and Berserk came out the same year (Cardcaptor Sakura the next) and despite how you can "feel" the influence in lots of modern shows like SHAFT's signature visual imagery cuts or many WESETERN shows having straight scene references to Utena....almost no one has a similar feel to Utena until like Princess Tutu comes out.

Really tho probably should've watched Utena and then Tutu because while it's undeniable that Utena is a major pillar of shoujo re-codification - what with everyone before Utena was saying they thought it'd be like a Rose of Versaille or Lady Knight rip-off...whose laughing now? - it's almost like there's a missing link between it and it's major western fanbase (probably with what few anime did get overseas, this one probably rose to the top), or how very noticeable there IS an influence on it's genre in Japan

Almost none of the big analyst fans actually know A) it's not "a deconstruction of Magical Girls" since despite Ikuhara working on Sailor Moon just before this, almost none of the tropes line up and instead more with Shoujo genre as a whole. or  one of the major inspirations was Takarazuka theater.

And this is not to dismiss how inspirational it is to it's western fandom, but while I am notably cynical towards placing things on pedestals, there's probably something about cultivating the whole pop-culture feminist reading commune with people making weird time-loop theories while kinda most of it is just filling in a mad-lib mostly thanks to Ikuhara just keeping things on the vague and letting the audience take away their own perspective.

Again, most of the show is completely sub-textual or visually/symbolically depicted and never stated nor properly defines it's weird key words (End of the World, Revolutionize the World, Power of Dios, Rose Bride, all things said constantly but never really said what they "mean". But that's also perhaps its charm, in it's allegory and very Death of the Author approach, it has definitely allowed it's fan theorizing and appreciation to flourish so there's something there for that.

Ultimately I'd say Utena the TV series is great more so for what it isn't...or rather I should say it's great for not just subverting Shoujo tropes and archetypes for the Japanese audience but also that despite dealing with some very serious and heavy subjects in obtuse and perhaps understated ways for the time, people have allowed it to be put on it's pedestal because they can easily fit it in themselves.

Honestly though, not that a more "straight forward" approach wouldn't detract from Utena but I will say that the movie, Adolescence of Utena, is very much the best encapsulation of what Utena strives to be (for another big blog post) and while the TV series has plenty of time and flexes it's directorial muscles with budget constraints and season pacing UNrestrained, the movie will trim a lot of the fat

[inkofamethyst]

June 17, 2022

I’ve got nothing to say right now so I’ll clear out the draft of this almost year-old post in honor of the new Calamity-based miniseries that Critical Role’s finishing up, I guess.  I sort of just wrote this all out and then never continued it because I never actually finished the original EXU miniseries.  Honestly?  I still kind of feel bad about that.

[August 15, 2021]

I just read through a long, long reddit post/thread thingy about EXU and like,,, I have thoughts, I think.

Aabria was very different from Matt in her GM style.  I thought it was fun and funky, you know, more... approachable?  Less... corporate?  Doesn’t mean there weren’t some times when I wasn’t feeling it (there are times when I’m not super engaged when Matt’s DMing either, mind you).

The thing I liked least about EXU wasn’t Aabria’s style (and I mean there are valid critiques of how she disregarded rules, I think, but I rarely rarely ever found it grossly distracting).  Honestly it was the storyline.  I was so down for a miniseries.  I adored Undeadwood.  I didn’t know that Undeadwood was partially scripted until today.  I think that approach is effective for a miniseries that incorporates improv.  I imagine that it’s similar to how I imagine the DSMP was scripted, in that certain plot points had to happen and certain character interactions had to take place (but, of course, I don’t actually know how these partially scripted series, whether long or short form, are done, so).  But we all know of Exandria as a literal open world.  A sandbox game.  Aabria gave them a storyline from the start, but the players noped their way out of it which was totally within their right.  And Aabria couldn’t do much about it without coming off as wrangling their free choice.  So then we enter Tal’dore and the party just sort of goes about traveling and meeting people and conversing with gods (which, my dnd-friend and I both noted, was very different from the standard Matt had set for how the divine interacted with mortals, especially level three nobody mortals lol).  The plot was just, like, not there.  I like open-world games.  I like wanderings and encounters with new people.  I just felt like, as far as a completed arc goes,,, I didn’t get that.  

I liked the characters!  I liked the encounters!  I liked the open-world!  I liked how each character had a full, legit backstory!   I liked the threads!  I didn’t like the loose ends.  Aabria presented a number of potential storyline paths (and like, good on her for that).  She (obviously, I think) had a preference, but the characters subverted all of them which, honestly, was a little wild to watch/listen to.  I remember in episode 6 I think where Dorian was like “well what if we went south to help the tetrarch” and the tetrarch was like “I hadn’t considered that as an option” and even though I was only listening I knew that was not the GM’s intention for the party at all.  But it’s improv!  “Yes, and!”  At that point, what can you do but give the party the choice?  Like, even from the first episode or two, Aabria would be like “roll a perception check” and the player would be like “three! :D” and this would happen like, five times in a row and Aabria would just kinda be stuck, unable to give them threads no matter how hard she tried because they just couldn’t pass perception checks.  I felt bad for her tbh.

Those wouldn’t’ve been issues if EXU (s1?) hadn’t been limited to eight episodes.

I also heard that some people didn’t like Opal like, a lot.  It reminds me of how people didn’t like Keyleth (I mean, I mostly thought Keyleth was cute if perhaps a little naive for her wisdom score) and Matt had to say on stream that negative things about Marisha would not be tolerated.  I thought Opal’s character was fun and very I-may-be-a-teenager-but-I-know-more-than-you.  An argumentative popular girl from high school.  Sometimes over the top, perhaps, but within character bounds, I’d say.

I don’t necessarily want to pull a misogyny/racism card here, I really don’t.  But I mean, hey, if we as a society that went through the social justice movement of 2020 learned anything, well, one of those things is that unconscious biases affect almost everything we do.  I’ve admitted to having them to; everyone does.  They do affect the lens with which we view media and how/whether we’re able to relate to it.

I think the conversation on Reddit was pretty tame (I did learn that apparently C1 + C2 is like 900 hours of content which is crazy (and that person also noted that it wouldn’t be unreasonable for individuals who’ve followed both to have developed a sort of parasocial relationship with the cast (I can confidently say that I most certainly have not, but it is a valid thought, I’d say))), though I didn’t read through it all and the mods did turn off comments to keep the conversation from veering too far away from civility.  Apparently Twitter was pretty vapid.  Twitch subs went down pretty drastically these past two months, I read.  According to some redditors, ig and tumblr tend to have more of a toxically positive view of CR in which the main cast/crew can do no wrong (an interesting observation).

[Today]

I don’t really have anything more to add.  I’m thinking of downloading the available Calamity episodes (I don’t actually know what the series is called lol) and having them for when I travel.  I also still need to finish the very end of that last Ursula K LeGuin book.  More urgently, I need to finish packing and also clean my room.

Today I’m thankful for patient parents.  So, so thankful.

[edit: oh also I’m thankful that making two hunned a week this summer for doing ~almost nothing~ for a prof last semester... like this is quite literally the best deal ever]

[kaypeace21]

DID theory part 3: St novels/comics/spotify list analyses

*read part 2  of DID theory-first! You’ll be lost otherwise, seriously XD. First, I’ll say -I find the ST comics/ books as canon as the st movie inspirations . I don’t consider the books/comics ‘literal canon’ (cause they contradict the show ( like Max and billy meeting a year before s2  in runaway max - but meeting as little kids in s3,  or El’s age being wrong in suspicious minds, in the d&D comic Will’s friends instead of him /Jonathan building castle byers, etc) . 

So I think we shouldn’t take it  literally - but more like the st movie lists - filled with foreshadowing/symbolism and other eastereggs (That the Duffers may have told them to add). So here’s some more (possible) alter / DID hints...

‘Suspicious minds’ novel

- Brenner  equates k*lling rabbits to h*rting kids. And he’ll hurt (kid) Kali (the bunny in the analogy) if Terry tries running away from him . I wonder if Lonnie used a similar threat against jonathan? Jon could be giving only a partial truth to why he cried for a week (about the bunny story)?

-Kali “hops” like a bunny then talks about tigers obsessively (linking her to rabbits/tigers similar to the other alters/Will/Lonnie). Terry also imagines tigers and kali says to Alice they can all be tigers together.

- one of the only male psychic experiments (who can see the future) is gay

- Terry is into lord of the rings, like Will. Has her and her boyfriend dress as sam & frodo (m/m ship). Terry calls her and her friends “the fellowship”.

-when Terry/Alice were injected with d**gs -they hallucinated rainbows.yikes.

- Alice (like Lonnie) is a car mechanic. She can see the future like Will the wise and says “monsters of course my mind has them as long as they stayed in there, everything would be alright? Wouldn’t it?” (in her visions she saw the demogorgan).

 (completed) graphic ST novels (by Jody Hozer) so far  (+ other st comics).

*Jody Hozer writes all the graphic novels (every novel is 4 chapters each) - the will byers comic, number 6 comic , into the fire comic, and at the moment she’s writing the d&d series and the summer camp series (which isn’t done yet). Then there’s the occasional 1 chapter st comics not written by her.

- Number 6 has (the ability to foresee the future like Will the wise/Alice) and has an ab*sive dad. 

When having a nightmare of the demogorgan ...she says as she wakes up “screw you dad” (another hint the demogrgan -aka in d&d means ‘deep father’ ...is Lonnie).

- when number 6 and others run they say they’re’ “rabbiting”(which yes technically makes sense but I found such an uncommon phrase odd.)

- The (summer camp and d&d graphic novels aren’t completed yet) but they establish d&d creatures are based off  real life people the boys don’t like in real life. Or that d&d is used as an outlet to explain true events from their pasts -but they just give the true stories a d&d fantasy slant.

- Which brings me to the halloween oneshot(not by Hozer),taking place before s1. Will tells a scary story told to him by Jonathan, and originally told to him by Lonnie. Says the boys have to keep it a secret cause it was something he was never supposed to tell to anyone. Mike says he has to finish the story he started. It’s about a “ch*lld-eater” monster first attacking a boy near the quarry (like where Will was found) and  attacking kids in a library (where Will was also found in s1).When the child sees the sheriff she bangs on the library door begging for help-he ignores her , walks away, and tells the other cops to never speak of what they saw as she screams for help. Because the previous sheriff was in kahoots with the monster. It def had some ... uh questionable imagery too 0_0

The vine in the mouth is also like the one in Will’s mouth (when Joyce found him in the library).And of course Dustin asks whether or not something like that could be covered up.

- In the “bully  comic” (about troy) also not by Jody. We focus on Troy and his ab*sive dad (who encourages him to fight/ditch his best friend). The dad has a drinking problem (gets fired), calls Troy a “mess” , pushes him, and constantly encourages Troy to be vi*lent/macho. He pretty much tries sabotaging the relationship Troy has with his friend (which I could see Lonnie doing in the future with byler).The dad/troy is framed similarly to when Billy gives Max a ride home-  after both ab*sers give bad advice saying not to hang out with their friend (after witnessing them fight in the school parking lot). Dad also laughs about almost k*lling a squirrel (a trait we see troy mimic)- and we see El feel guilty about k*lling a squirrel in s2. At the end of the comic- Troy (like Will) after making up with his bff james- moves leaving his best friend behind.

-  (into the fire) Twins: (one was normal with no powers living in the real world and the twin with fire powers is trapped in a dark sunless “cold” world styled like a psych facility/medieval fantasy) . pics in link.She hated her reflection cause it reminded her of being betrayed by her normal non powered twin who left her behind in the ‘cold’ place. She’d call herself a ‘hunter’ who would defend herself and attack others to never be hurt again. Her powers being unleashed were described like opening “a door.” And she loves her twin deep down and just wants friends . And fire twin goes to the “other side” to reunite with her reflection and find happiness in the real world. *also there’s sunflower/bunny symbols which she lights on fire-which can relate back to Will/Terry/Lonnie etc. The twins = Will & Will the wise (mf)

Mirrors also connect to Will and Will the wise via the canon spotify playlists too.

Will playlist (song: mirror in the bathroom)-Mirror in the bathroom Please talk free.The door is locked -Just you and me.Mirror in the bathroom recompense for all my crimes of self defense.Cures you whisper make no sense!Drift gently into Mental illness.

Demogorgan playlist ( from perspective of Will the wise aka the mf) (song: are you dead yet? )-”polluted soul through a mirror I behold.Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor. tearing me apart. but I don't care anymore.Should I regret or ask myself are you dead yet?Wake up, don't cry. Regenerate to deny the truth. The fiction you live in blindfolds your eyes. Disclosure, self loathing, this time you've gone too far.Or could it be, my nemesis, that you are me?

(*st ‘into the fire’ comic. the fire powered twin’s thoughts echo the song)

*I think this foreshadows the later plot points of mf (will the wise ) and Will interacting via mirrors. The fire-wielding twin and the non powered twin had a lot of mirror imagery. Including the fire powered twin (Who denies reality/and imagines herself in a fantasy world) punching her reflection because it reminds her of her non-powered twin. Here’s some cover art from the novels showing how much they emphasize mirrors.

*And in s4 movies Black swan - “the black and white swan twins (two halves of the same person-Nina)” had creepy mirror imagery. In long kiss goodnight the women with DID talks to her “ (supposed)dark 1/2″  via a mirror (in a dream).  in ‘the visit’ the teen girl who’s dad abandoned her when young-  refuses to look in the mirror (and it’s never explained why she hates her reflection). So yes I think we’ll see this in s4 or 5. We already see the mf take on the appearance of Billy when talking to him.

- Will in “zombie boy” comic is afraid he’s a monster.

also lets appreciate the lil byler moment of Mike and Will being the only zombies and mike comforting him. honestly , though, the characters were pretty out of character for most of this 1 ch comic (until the end) tbh.

- in the “d&d comic” mf is  (possibly) described as a “protector” (aka like how i said the mf is probably a perpetrator alter- which are misguided protectors).

*update now that it’s finished... hinting Will created everything subconsciously.

‘Runaway Max’ novel (before s3)

(I didn’t get time to read this book unlike ‘suspicious minds’ -so can’t show screen shots of everything others talked about. May read it eventually)

-Max compares Billy  to ‘her monster’ and a ‘shadow’ that will attack anyone that comes close (mf parallel).

- Dart k*lled a cat,  El’s papa tried to force her to k*ll a cat. And Billy when seeing a d*ad cat lights it on fire for a “viking funeral”. A connection to WW (who has fire powers) and El & dart.

-Max and Billy both are into cars and bond over fixing them (similar to Lonnie’s interest in fixing up cars). And since Lonnie tried to brag to Jonathan about fixing a car up and Will is into tech it wouldn’t be a stretch that Lonnie and Will were into fixing cars together (like Max/billy who would hang out at a autoshop in Cali) .  Similar to Will ,max says hanging with Billy wasn’t always so bad- which made things more confusing to her.

- Max compares Billy being beat up by Neil: to ‘punching a pocket of a baseball glove’. This is interesting since this book was pre-s3 which was when they established the connection of billy and his dad to baseball (similar to s1 saying  Lonnie taught Will baseball).

-Billy’s friend is a nice ‘music snob’ . He tries distracting Max with music while Billy is burning the cat. Which reminds me of Jonathan trying to distract Will from their parents fighting in the next room-with music

- Max’s bio dad is a criminal who takes her to shady bars, and Max fears he’d ‘get bored of her’. Max also ran away from her mom to her dad’s 2x.Which reminds me of Jonathan thinking Will ran to Lonnie’s in s1.

-Max mentions how Billy misses his friends after moving out of Cali. And he starts acting even worse-after the move. Which will probably be the case for Will (at least a bit) when moving to California.

-Billy tells Max Neil isn’t his ‘real dad’ either because Neil can’t be a father to anyone.

-Billy also tells Max who (at the time ) is 12 years old not to act “easy” and breaks her best friend’s (Nate’s) arm over  someone joking he was Max’s boyfriend and also cause Nate tried to get in between Billy bullying Max. Eventually all her Cali friends ditch her cause they’re afraid of Billy.And Ugh- why could I see Lonnie doing something like this in the future with Will/his new friends. 

- Creepily Max says Billy doesn’t fool around with her like other girls not because of her age or being family. But cause she wasn’t ‘attractive’. This whole excerpt gave me the heeby jeebies,on so many levels, honestly.  Almost like he’s jealous- and controlling her cause he doesn’t want Max to have any love interests. Maybe i’m just missing the context? But ugh... excerpt:

Will byers secret Files

-Hopper gets scared by a pumpkin-scarecrow. And in Will’s canon journal when talking about the mindflayer and his nightmares draws the same scare-crow , Hopper saw. There’s also a lot of s4-5 foreshadowing in the book... but that’s a post for another day.

Darkness on the edge of town (Hopper novel)

*didn’t get time to read this (except the preview)

 I think it’s more foreshadowing for future seasons though- cult/supposed ritual k*llings, people being wrongly blamed for those crimes-like the hellfire club , most likely.  (similar to the guy number 3 in the number 6 comic)  saint john in the novel also has the same brain control powers as 3- similar to the mf. .” When a blackout plunges the boroughs into chaos, Hopper must escape the the mobs in the streets to make sure his family is safe and stop Saint John from fulfilling his prophecy.” I already talked about here- how the next few seasons would start having more religious symbolism/a future apocalypse (based on what we’ve seen in the show/s4 movies). Although, i think there’s quite a few differences between (the novel’s) saint john and Will the wise. Hopper is also a star wars nerd like the boys (alter hint)

Canon spotify songs (posted after s2/before s3) hinting at DID/ alter /lonnie stuff-

Will  and Will the wise (aka the mf) being an alter

*Used Will and the demogorgan playlist (which i think has perspectives of Will the wise aka the mf, demogorgan, and Lonnie).

Besides the mirror songs previously mentioned...

Will (cold inside)-Doctor the problem's in my chest.My heart feels cold as ice but it's anybody's guess?Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mind. Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mindWell it's cold, cold, cold, cold inside. Darker in the day than the dead of night Cold, cold, cold, cold inside...Counselor give me some advice Tell me how hard will I fall if I live a double life?

El (ghost)-your ghost, the ghost of you.It keeps me awake.My friends had you figured out.Yeah they saw what's inside of you. You tried hiding another you.But your evil was coming through... living in the shade Your cold heart makes my spirit shake.

El (monster Lead me home)-I don't know what, what I was afraid of, I was afraid oooof...Monster take me somewhere...We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.Where there is no place to hide.Stranger on the other side We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.

 The’ innerworld’/  other hints Max, El, Hopper, and Billy are alters of Will’s

Max (Logical song)-I know it sounds absurd. Please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am?

EL(Buzzcut season)-I remember when your head caught flame It kissed your scalp and caressed your brain ...nothing's wrong when nothing's true. I live in a hologram with you Where all the things that we do for fun . Play along (make-believe it's hyper real) But I live in a hologram with you.

Billy (broken bones)-Broken bones.Stay alone. If I see only what I believe -reality's bound by what I conceive

Max (Why can’t i touch it)-Well, it seems so real.I can see it.And it seems so real-I can feel it.And it seems so real-I can taste it.And it seems so real-I can hear it.So why can't I touch it?

Hopper (breakers)-Just to keep me from losing my mind .It's so easy to drown in the dream.Oh, and everything is not what it seems This life is but a dream.Shatter illusions that hold your spirit down ...From the inside, so it seems.Oh, I'm telling you it's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a It's all a dream.���

Max (comfortably numb)-When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.I turned to look but it was gone.I cannot put my finger on it now.The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably numb.

Max (Kids aren’t alright)-Still it's hard Hard to see Fragile lives, shattered dreams...What the hell is going on? The cruelest dream, reality.

El(team)-Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams. And you know we're on each other's team

Hopper (denial twist) ( just change ‘she’ to ‘he’)-Just because she makes you feel wrong she don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy!Take a tip and do yourself a little service...by playing a different role Ya, by playing a different role, oh.The boat ya you know she's rockin' it.And the truth well ya know there's no stoppin' it.So what, somebody left you in a rut and wants to be the one who's in control.But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder.How the hell she can be so cold?So now you're mad, denying the truth.And it's getting in the wisdom in the back of your tooth

El (the story)-You see the smile that's on my mouth.It's hiding the words that don't come out.And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed.They don't know my head is a mess.No they don't know who I really am.And they don't know what I've been through

El (hero) ( pretty much alludes to El being a construct of Will’s mind similar to his juju zombies in the d&d story he wrote )-Who knows what you'll find when you look inside (billy’s mind)?Haunted beach (billy flashback), roll the dice.The zombies in the corner aren't amused (d&d ref).Play the part of the blushing bride...Out of view, cloaked by night...My spirit dims, but I feel the force"No longer in my hands,"  (loses powers) .I say to you .I could've been a hero, I could've been a zero.Could've been all these thingsI could've been nothing, I could've had something.Could've been all these things.And if I am unable, tell him that I'll try but underneath the table will spin the wheel and hope for gold. Oh, and where it stops, nobody knows.

Max (it’s real)-I don't know who's behind the wheel.Sometimes I feel like I don't know The deal.But when I tell you how I feel-Believe me when I say It's real.I skated on a frozen Sea.It's real as far as I Can see?

Max (Halloween)-Because your role is planned for you there's nothing you can do.

El (White rabbit... alice and wonderland/lonnie ref)-And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall...When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead.

demogrogan(Dimensions of horror)-Gaze upon the ancient face you dread (lonnie)... Passing through the doors, into Dimensions Of Horror. Haunting visions from the past, rise once more.Realms of darkness, terror, death and gore.Scream in fear, your sanity is lost

demogorgan (SCHORCHED)-Terrorizing madness. Vivid dreams. internal. Hallucinating the unknown. Abstract entities prey.Through superhuman abilities.Fragments of memory erased.

demogrogan (Calling from a dream)-the shadow king...seven spirits (7 ref) Swarming around his head.Close your eyes.Listen to my call. Our bond will bring us together again.I will wait for you. For our hearts still beat as one.Listen to my calling from a dream. (integration?)

 Maybe a coincidence or a hint at Will having both male &female alters?Billy (dude looks like a lady)- What a funky lady...Oh, he was a lady.Dude looks like a lady. Hopper (turn the page)-All the same old cliches,"Is that a woman or a man?" Max ( rebel rebel) (this was on her her pre s3 spotify list + post s3 “wrapped list”)- you got your mother in a whirl, doesn’t know if you’re a boy or girl? 

 SHIT DAD/ AB*SIVE FAMILY

*trigger w*rning ahead for dark themes like s**ual ab*se

demogorgan (my children)My children I never loved them.Why feel that way when their existence is my business?My children...feral vessals of my selfinterest...So don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.Don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.My children they're right behind you My children they're gonna beat you.My children if you let them Oh, oh, my children.

demogorgan (black dahlia-window):  I’m not quoting the lyrics you can just look it up.  it’s messed up.Based on the 1st person pov of Gilles de Rais -k**ler and p*d*rest who also kidnapped a cleric.

Will (creature comfort)-Some boys hate themselves.Spend their lives resenting their fathers... hate their bodies .Stand in the mirror (another mirror ref) and wait for the feedback.Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling LIES.”

Jonathan’s playlist-Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of LIARS and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Jonathan (The killing moon-guy sings this)-So soon you'll take me up in your arms. Too late to beg you or cancel it. Against your will!He will wait until you give yourself to him...In starlit nights I saw you.So cruelly you kissed me... unwillingly mine.

jonathan (haunted)-You and I both know that the house is haunted And you and I both know that the ghost is me. You used to catch me in your bed-sheets just a-rattling your chains.Well back then , it didn't seem so strange...In the midnight hour..I was busy trying to charm that snake. When the sun came up we had no place to hide...You and I both know that the house is haunted  yeah you and I both know that the ghost is YOU! You used to walk around screaming, all slamming all 'dem doors Well I'm all grown up now and I don't scare easy no more But you and I both know.

Hopper (Confession)-Now I'm on the low Confession, to a virgin ghost Admission, force you know.

hopper (Tomorrow ) Yeah, and back when s*x and amph*tamines were the staples of our childhood physique.

Max (Last caress)-I got something to say.I k**led your baby today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as it's de*d.Well I got something to say.I r*ped your mother today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as she spread. (Lonnie pov? Neil?messed up song to be on Max’s list)

hopper House of the rising sun- And my father was a gamblin' man Way down in New Orleans... And the only time he's satisfied Is when he's on a drunk

Max Poor relations-An attitude, no patience, he's paper thin.Talking over everything you have to say...Don't correct the things he said, what's the use?Can't handle violence.Can't handle violence.Learning to love the abuse you can't live without.Your familiar oppression, your daily injustice...That loser man that belongs to you, he's ruling you.

el (sweet dreams are made of this)- Some of them want to use you ...Some of them want to ab*se you.Sweet dreams are made of this...Hold your head up.Keep your head up, movin' on.

Max (Alternative ulster)-They say they're a part of you.And that's not true, you know.They say they've got control of you.And that's a lie, you know.They say you will never Be free, free, free

max In bloom-”Sometimes at night I let it get to me.And last night it had me down and feeling NUMB...And thinking back upon those days Way way back when I was young.I was such a little shit.Cos I was always on the run.Well you know just what they say-Just like father then like son.Don't delude me with your sympathy.Cos I can do this on my own.And this will be the last time-That I break down and wanna crawl to bed. “(since Billy has a playlist I found this song choice being on hers instead of his interesting- in fact almost all of Max’s songs are from the 1st person perspective of a boy unlike the other gals.)

Max (comfortably numb)-The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably NUMB.

hopper (numb)-Honey, here I go again Down that crooked road of sin.My momma locked me out again And hung me high to rust under the rain I am NUMB( 8x)....Little bluebird at my window Sing a pretty song for me Don't you know that you can fly, fly, fly away Don't you know that you can leave I am numb.

other psych songs

Hopper (life of sin)-Every morning when I rise I look in the mirror (another mirror ref) and despise the sight of everything and all that I've become. The level of my medicating some might find intimidating But that's alright cause' it don't bother me none.

 Max (Moon over marin)- “Dive in my scalding wooden tub (connects to mf/el)...There, wasn't that a nice visit?Don't forget, a psychiatrist is on duty twenty-four hours a day in the blue room...Drink plenty of water when you take these.Now you can relax.” ( I wonder if stranger writers saying to “drink plenty of water” is secretly a line said by a psych person in s4?)

Max (Feeling ok)-My doctor says that I should take it -At least I won't have to keep faking.I know, someday I'll find it-Where I, I least expect it.Today I know I feel ok.

Max ( Going gets tough)-.No home since the fire.Me and the ash can't settle down...So I sink another round-Placebo for pain.And there's no one for to blame . I refuse to accept-That my work is all in vain...Still always remembering .When the going gets tough .That the labor of our love-Will reward us soon enough.

 Max (Comfortably numb)-Hello? (Hello? Hello? Hello?)Is there anybody in there?Just nod if you can hear me.Is there anyone home?Come on now-I hear you're feeling down.Well I can ease your pain .Get you on your feet again.Relax // Now I've got that feeling once again.I can't explain . you would not understand.This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.I have become comfortably numb //Okay (okay, okay, okay)Just a little pinprick.There'll be no more, ah .But you may feel a little sick.Can you stand up?I do believe it's working, good.That'll keep you going through the show.Come on it's time to go// Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

Explanations of Why the mf  (WIll the wise)behaves the way he does

demogorgan (ww) (Cowards starved)- friends think of me as a priest.I had to show them that the weakest hands Can still make impressive fires. (aka MF = will the wise)

demogorgan (ww) (Unmerciful):I will be reborn...Tranquil demeanor.Now devoured.Surfacing malice...I can't reconcile the torment others bring unto me.I will not take any reproach.Turning the other cheek.Relentless hatred consumes.Control released.Absolved of all compassion.I am free .Look into my hate filled eyes and tell me What do you see?Surging aura of my rage Paralyzing you in fear.

Demogorgan (ww) (bodies-Beaten why for (why for)?Can't take much more.(Here we go, here we go, here we go).One, nothing wrong with me,Two, nothing wrong with me.Three, nothing wrong with me.Four, nothing wrong with me.One, something's got to give.Two, something's got to give.Three, something's got to give now...You're all by yourself but you're not alone...Driven by hate consumed by fear.

demogrgan (ww)-Orbs used as transmitters carry electromagnetic beams from above (affecting magnetic fields in the show).Silence, manipulated, tortured ...How immune is your system of suffering?Its in the blood of suffering (familial ref).Its in the blood.

 Demogrgan (Monster)-I shoot the lights out..Whoa, just another lonely night...None of who you get it, ain't nobody cold as this.A zombie (will ref) with no conscience .Everybody knows I'm a motherfucking monster. Everybody wanna know what my Achilles' heel is? Love I don't get enough of it.

[something-tofightfor]

I just finished WestWorld season 2... there are so many parallels it makes my head spin and you do so well addressing the different sides of how people can interact with the Hosts. Can I ask you to help me think through some things?

I love how the show asks questions - should the Hosts have been created? was it vanity or grief that brought them to life. And then, what kind of responses do people have to things they brought to life??

Maeve is my favorite character, Maeve and her friendly human pets ahaaa, but this season was really important for Logan as well although we don't see much of him.

He doesn't survive to see the Hosts develop some sort of sentience but I also don't think he's ever quite fooled into thinking theyre human, especially once the demonstration gives the game up. I get the sense Logan is really perceptive - he's a savvy businessman and you write him that way and I love it!! But he's also something of a dreamer and he's gentle in a way that leaves him so painfully vulnerable when the line he sees between safety of the park and the care he probably has to use in his daily life is blown apart. I don't quite understand why he sleeps with... all the Hosts at the demonstration though? Do you think it's to show he's already playing a game? Or just that he's too human (vs Maeve saying to one of the techs that the tech "makes a terrible human... that's a compliment")

I get your point from the other ask that he's probably not a jackass in the real world. At least no more than the next businessman. He comes off as sort of a gamer-bro in S1. I know if I were in Westworld I probably wouldn't be eager to shoot just because the Hosts are meant to look so lifelike I wouldn't feel comfortable stepping into that uncanny valley... but I also know and love people who get waaay too invested in their video game lives so I don't think park Logan is that bad. He just knows something is off with William but sees it too late. Doo you think, had he lived, Logan would have maybe believed in the Hosts' sentience eventually? I'm also not sure what it would have taken, another path besides rehab, for him to survive William and his father. Most of the people in his life seem immeasurably cruel or careless. And while my sympathy for him is definitely colored by my adoration for Ben's work, there is something deeply sad about Logan that Ben gets across and that makes Logan believable and sympathetic. I also loved your head canon that he is meticulous about not lying.

I don't think "he" has an opinion at the end of S2, he's just a face narrating a tragedy but I like to think he'd have loved Maeve too - he willingness to do anything for her daughter (But maybe that's just projecting.) Who do you think his favorite host would be? Sorry for the long message!

Hey, Anon! You bring up a lot of really good points here. (Under a cut for people that don’t want a block of text.)

I think at first, it was a combination of things that brought them to life. Ford’s got the opinion that he’s smarter and “ahead” of everyone else - and I think Bernard really just wanted to prove that the capability existed. Bernard always looked at them as a learning experience; Ford thought of the Hosts and the park as something he could control, something that he could use.  Without the Delos investment, Argos wouldn’t have been able to survive. They wouldn’t have had the money to expand, or to create the narratives or to invest in the tech ... but once Delos was there, it became even more money focused. 

Logan, I believe, had a genuine interest in the technology - what the Hosts meant for the world at large, what getting in on the ground floor would do. But with Jim - and William? It quickly turned into what, exactly that money could be leveraged for. Was it meant to be a place for the super wealthy to go and let themselves be free? Yes. But it was also more than that - information collection, Guest monitoring ... testing ... there was so much we learned in S2 (and S3) that were going on behind the scenes ... In the 25-30 years after Logan died, the whole aim of the park changed - to suit Delos. (And William... and to some extent Jim). So whatever the case was when the idea of fthe Hosts and the park was conceived wasn’t the end result. And that’s sad to me. 

Maeve is my favorite too. I wanted to throw Dolores off of a cliff for most of season 2 and most of season 3. I did really like how each of them had a favorite - Dolores was Arnold’s, Maeve was Ford’s.... they were two complely different builds, two completely different personalities ... and we see how that turned out.  That’s the thing about Logan: he doesn’t ever think they’re human or treat them like it. He’s seduced by the park and what it offers, by the ability to use the Hosts to his liking, but they’re not humans. They’re robots. And I don’t think that would have changed even if he’d been around to see what they became by the time William was old. That’s why he’s such a good businesman. He always sees the truth of the situation, can pull out the bullshit. He missed the mark with William - sort of - but only in that he underestimated William’s desire to live for himself when there was something that he truly wanted.  He never wanted Juliet in the same way that he wanted Dolores. I really and truly feel that he used Juliet to get a foothold into Delos, whatever that might have accomplished for him. I think that it took that snap - that moment when Logan pushed him over the edge in the park - for him to realize what he was capable of, and because Logan was so deep in the game, he wasn’t quite able to see when someone else (William) wasn’t quite playing it. It’s sad.  Because he was just doing what he always did, and it ended up being his downfall. At that point, Dolores wasn’t sentient. (Or at least she wasn’t highly sentient. Her actual memory of William no matter how many times she was reprogrammed is proof that there was something just beneth the surface ... but not to the extent that William believed.) He sleeps with the Hosts at the party because they’re there for him. To him, it’s not different than going to a party and blowing through different men and women in one night. If he’s going to invest, he needs to know what he’s investing in. He needs to be able to sell the fact that these are the real deal - that they will fool others. And Logan knows sex. He knows decadence, and he likely knows what it’s like to be with someone that is less than focused ... so if they can pass his test, they can pass anyone’s. There’s no consequences to sleeping with these Hosts. No pregnancies, no STDs no worry that a literal orgy is going to get leaked to the press ... partially, he’s playing the game. Partially he’s just being himself.  And that’s not my headcanon - Ben Barnes said that that’s one of the core characteristics he FOUGHT for on set and with the scripts. As Logan, Ben did not once lie. Everything he said was true - and important - when it came out of his mouth. Everyone expects a character like Logan to lie, but he doesn’t. And it shows who he really is as a person even when his actions might point otherwise. That’s probably one of the reasons why he butted heads with his father so much; he could bullshit for work or whatever, but when it mattered, he wouldn’t lie.  I think I would 100% be able to blackhat in the park. Maybe not a shooting spree or a murderous rampage or anything like that, but I’m not paying that much money per day to ride around on a horse and have conversations with robots. Give me more.  He would have needed to go no-contact with his entire family in order to survive his father. I think that eventually, if Juliet hadn’t been so broken by the loss of her mother and brother that she would have seen through William’s BS - so she might have come around to Logan’s side, but I also believe that with William in the picture, she would have had to be completely cut off, too.  He has an addictive personality - power, money, status, drugs, the park, freedom ... and that wouldn’t have changed, even if William hadn’t left him there to die. That scene where he’s at the Delos party and Dolores is there, and he calls her “pretty girl”? She ruined his fucking life, and he’s so broken and out of it that he can’t even remember her name. William did that to him. Dolores did that to him ... and he has no one. 

Ben’s portayal of Logan is one of the reasons that I’m so mad he’s wasting his time with YA bullshit. He can do so much. SO MUCH. With his talent and his facial expressions and his attention to detail ... but he’s fucking clapping shadows into existence instead. It’s infuriating.  I think he would have appreciated Maeve’s focus. I think he would have loved Hector. (He probably did love Hector at least once or twice). I think he probably would have liked to give Teddy a hard time. I think he really would have liked Bernard.  Don’t ever apologize for a long message; I love talking about Logan! 

[pinkyshy101]

So I got bored and decided to type out a list of the cartoons/tv shows I’ve watched, cause why not! I think this is all I’ve watched, or at least recent enough (I’m thinking like…. 2014/15 onward, when I actively started to watch more cartoons)

It’s kinda long, and I’m kinda rambley, so I’ll put it under a keep reading thing (if I can) so you don’t have to scroll through that if you don’t want to. Idk who will actually read this, but hey maybe it’s an idea of what kind of things I might reblog on here! I’m always taking any suggestions for shows to watch, I love learning about and watching more and more cartoons! So if there’s something I didn’t list as something I watched and you think of be interested, feel free to please recommend it! I may update this with a reblog or an edit or something at some point in the future, idk though. For now, its September 19, 2020, and here’s what I got for ya

This ended up way more rambley than I meant for it to be but I started writing it at maybe 12:30ish am and now its almost 2am when I’m getting ready to post it so oops 👀 I’m not really expecting anyone to read this but hey, it’s something! Read if you wanna know what shows and other stuff I watched lol idc

Cartoons I’ve watched in their entirety (or what’s all aired as of today 9/19/20):

(updated 12/2/20 as starting with ATLA)

Gravity Falls - watched since late 2014

Steven Universe (including the movie and Future) - watched since mid June 2015, right before the second stevenbomb/sworn to the sword (early season 2)

Over The Garden Wall - watched back around when it first came out, can’t remember exactly when but sometime in 2015

Star vs The Forces of Evil - watched the first 2 seasons as they aired, then stopped watching for a while and rewatched the whole show in June 2019

Hilda - watched for the first time in I think October 2018, rewatched in May quarantine

She-ra and the Princesses of Power - watched all 5 seasons about/not even a week after season 5 came out, idk why I waited so long to watch it

The Owl House - started watching it after the grom episode aired, idk why I waited so long to watch it but molly and noelle and everyone was screaming about grom on twitter, so of course I had to watch it then

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts - watched it all in early August, right before I watched The Owl House

Infinity Train - watched the pilot back in 2016, then the first season when it came out, but then I started college and didn’t get the chance to watch the 2nd/3rd season until I decided to watch the whole series (s1 again, 2/3 for the first time) this past week

Ouran High School Host Club - ok I know it’s anime not a cartoon and I can’t see myself reblogging anything from it but it’s literally the only anime I’ve watched more than like 1 or 2 episodes of/the only one I’ve seen in its entirety so I figured eh I’ll mention it

Camp Camp - I almost forgot to mention this one! I started watching it when there was I think only 3 episodes of season 1, so back in 2016, and I’ve loved it since then! I guess this summer’s season couldn’t happen cause of covid.... But I’m still excited for when/if it does eventually come out!

Avatar the Last Airbender

Shows that I’ve partially watched but not completely:

We Bare Bears - I’ve seen the first 2 seasons, maybe some of the third I can’t remember, I watched it when it first came out but I haven’t watched it in a while, so I would probably need to rewatch a bunch of it (I did rewatch I think the first season sometime this year? But it was while working on school projects so I wasn’t giving it my full attention), apparently there’s also a movie now???

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic - I was huge into the brony fandom from roughly 2013ish-2017ish, I’ve seen up to season 8 and a few episodes of season 9, and the 4 equestria girls movies, and the mlp movie; I probably know seasons 1 - 4 the most, maybe a little of 5, 6 and 7 are kinda fuzzy but I’ve seen them, 8 I watched over quarantine (since it’d been a few years since I had watched any of it, I also rewatched bits of 5-7) as well as I think the first episode or so of season 9, but I don’t remember them too well. I watched the movie (the pony one, not eqg) when it came out in theaters, and not too long after that I drifted away from the mlp fandom (tbh I was drifting a little bit before it came out, but I knew I had to stick in there at least until it came out since I had been waiting for so long for it). The equestria girls movies, I saw them all when they first came out (I even saw rainbow rocks in the theater). I think there’s like, half hour shorts or episodes or something?? That’s in the eqg universe?? But I don’t think I’ve seen any of them, and if I have it was probably a really early one a long time ago because I haven’t really kept up with anything after Legend of Everfree came out

Animaniacs reboot - I’ve seen the first 5 episodes and it’s nice!

Shows that I’ve only seen an episode or few of that I (probably) intend on continuing to watch:

Glitch Techs - I saw the first episode! Definitely want to continue it

Rick and Morty - I watched a few episodes of the first season in like March/April quarantine, but I was still dealing with online school at home finishing out last semester then. I think I want to watch this eventually, but I have other shows that I want to catch up on/watch before I’d get to this one

Tangled the Series - idk if that’s the name I’ve seen multiple names but I hope you know what I’m talking about, I saw a handful of episodes from the first season I think sometime around fall 2019, but I’d probably have to rewatch the whole thing

Adventure Time - I’ve never had cable/cartoon network so I didn’t watch this growing up, but I’ve heard really good things about it and seen a bunch of stuff from it (I’d have to be living under a rock to have not seen anything lol) but it’s so long and I just haven’t gotten around to it yet! Well I’ve seen maybe a dozen or so episodes of the first season but it was a while ago so I’d have/want to start over probably

Shows I haven’t started

Amphibia - I’ve heard it’s good! I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Avatar the Last Airbender - probably next on my list to watch, I’ve been meaning to watch it for years but I haven’t yet, its on Netflix now so that should make it easier to watch and a friend from school made me promise that this would be the next one I’d watch so that’s what I’m doing (I did watch the last 2 seasons of infinity train that night though, since I was really wanting to finish it first… But atla is next) watched it! (updated 12/2/20)

The Legend of Korra - obviously I’m waiting to watch it until after alta, and I’m probably going to watch it right after I finish atla

The Dragon Prince - idk really anything about it other than I think it’s on netflix? and apparently it’s good and maybe gay idk but I’ve heard it’s good thus why it’s on here lol

Black Horseman - idk too too much about this other than apparently it’s good but also kinda depressing. Similarly to rick and morty I want to watch it eventually but its not insanely high on my list

OK KO - don’t know a ton about it other than it’s decent, a step up from r+m/bojack on where I want to watch it but not urgently

Ducktales Reboot - similarly to OK KO, don’t know much about it other than it’s decent, same level of want to watch

Milo Murphy’s Law - saw a couple episodes when it came out, haven’t watched it in forever so if I ever do want to rewatch it I’d have to restart it, not super high on my priority list though

Bee and Puppycat - another one I almost forgot! I don’t know a ton about this but I’ve heard its nice! Plus from what I’ve seen I like the artstyle so  👀 maybe someday

Animaniacs (original) - I started to watch the reboot and I think I want to watch the original eventually! Just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Clone High - listen it’s not that I desperately WANT to watch this, I just have friends who are like, hey, watch this lol it’s apparently not super long so why not

Other non cartoon shows I’ve watched:

Brooklyn 99 - idk when I started watching it, maybe around season 4/5ish? I think sometime in 2018 so idk the season, idk, most of the episodes I’ve only seen once so I couldn’t tell you exactly what happens in every episode but I still like it

Rise - ugh I miss this show, I started watching it after/around when the 3rd episode came out (end of March 2018?), and I don’t think I’ve watched any of it since it ended (mid may 2018) cause its not on any streaming services anymore :/ at least not that I know of but I loved it and would love to rewatch it

Andi Mack - I’d heard it was good but hadn’t watched it after it ended (early august 2019 I think I watched it), haven’t rewatched it since then but it was decent, I mainly watched it cause I had seen clips of gay but yknow it was alright

Sex Education - watched 1st season sometime in 2019, when rewatched it/watched season 2 when it came out January 2020, this is like WAY more mature than like anything on this list but like it has an interesting story

Love Victor - watched first/currently only season when it came out mid june 2017 (how was June so long ago what)

Queer Eye - I’ve seen a couple seasons of it idk I figured why not add it lol

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist - I think I watched this around when there were maybe a few episodes of season 1 left (well there’s only one season now but still), idk I liked it cause like musicals and stuff idk

Idk what else to add to this section but if I think of anything (to any category on this list) I’ll probably update it later maybe idk (again I’m not necessarily going to be reblogging stuff from all/any of these but like, I figured I’d mention it cause idk)

Musicals:

Another thing I love is musicals, like I’m a design/tech major in college rn so yeah I like theatre lol so I’m going to list some I’ve seen (mostly watched bootlegs of, but I’ll list some professional/tour ones I’ve seen in person)(but if it doesn’t say anything special I probably just watched a bootleg, 2017 was a big year for me and my google drive being filled with bootlegs…) This might not be all of them and I won’t go into as much detail (I hope, I haven’t typed it yet) but we’ll see:

Broadway tours I’ve seen: (I swear this isn’t bragging they were cheap seats way up high lol)

Dear Evan Hansen (May 2019)

Wicked (first professional show I saw, October 2017, haven’t watched a bootleg or anything of it since then and I went in completely blind)

Mean Girls (November 2019, last professional show I saw before quarantine)

Come From Away (September 2019)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (November 2018)

The Book of Mormon (August 2018, was hoping to again this August but quarantine :( )

Non professional/high school/college/other shows I’ve seen in person/been on crew for (not all of them, but some) (assume I’ve also seen bootlegs/proshots if there are any)

Newsies

Spring Awakening (spot op)

Shrek (props)

Legally Blonde

I’ve seen done way more but I don’t feel like listing them or that they’re anything I’d want go reblog/actively look at fandom content for (that’s not saying it reblog stuff from shrek the musical but still lol)

Other shows I’ve seen only in proshot/bootleg form:

Basically every Starkid show

Spies are Forever

The Solve it Squad

Hamilton

Heathers

Be More Chill (yes I was in that big amalgamation of musical fandom stuff with these and deh in 2017 aaaa)

Falsettos

Beetlejuice

Spongebob

21 Chump Street

Les Mis

Phantom

(Again maybe not necessarily all but some there’s a slight chance I might reblog things about)

Musicals I still need/want to watch/listen to:

The Prom

Six

The Great Comet (not typing it all out)

Hadestown

Waitress

Bonnie and Clyde

Something Rotten

Tuck Everlasting

Again there’s more I want to see I’m sure but I haven’t really watched bootlegs in a while…. Idk feel free to suggest shows tho

Movies I’ve seen/like: obviously I’m not gonna just every single movie I’ve seen but heres a few I like:

The Sound of Music

The Wizard of Oz - these 2 have actually always been my favorite movies since I was little, I can’t dee myself reblogging much of anything about them but figured I’d mention them cause why not

Love Simon

Some but not all Disney movies (I grew up with no cable/mostly just pbs)

Most pixar movies?

I don’t think John Mulaney shows count as movies but eh whatever I’ve seen them on netflix

Idk what else lol I know I’ve seen more movies than this but eh

If anyone actually read all of this... Wow I’m surprised honestly lol have a free cookie or something for your struggles or smth, idk, thanks for reading this though lol I appreciate you (but also slightly worry, this was a lot of words and a lot of rambling)

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Iruma-kun 10 - 12 | Shinchou Yuusha 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Dr Stone 22 - 24 (FINAL) | BnHA 72 - 74 | Stars Align 9 - 12 (FINAL) | No Guns Life 10 - 12 (FINAL)

Iruma-kun 10

That mascot is still around to annoy poor Kalego, huh? (LOL) I also noticed the demonstration demons have horns like oni.

Oh no! This means Azz-Azz is a prime target for Iruma!

(I was going to write something. Then I got so engrossed in the action, I forgot to…)

LOL, Sabro’s too heavy for Team A to lift!

Oh, Iruma’s hair isn’t tied anymore…

“…pruning this cactus.” – Does Eggie-sensei like plants?

Ooh, the first double-parter ever for this show, I think it is.

Shinchou Yuusha 9

Apparently ep 10 got delayed…*sigh*

LOL, thre’s product placement for a certain ice cream brand in this episode, huh?

Can we not with the boob grope???

*Rista takes care of Mash and Elulu* - Rista’s such a mom sometimes…

Stars Align 9

This one scene with Nao looks really blue…it’s almost unsettling.

Oh dear…I understand the sentiment of an inferiority complex all too well.

Dr Stone 22

Now we’re back to good ol’ science vs. survival of the fittest philosophy clash. Now, see, that’s the Dr Stone I like best!

Torricelli’s law.

Why is mica like baumkuchen? Probably because it has a lot of layers…

Wow, for WSJ – which encouraged fangirls all over the world to make yaoi/shonen ai ships – they sure tossed out the yaoi/shonen ai option real fast…

Skarn. I’ve never heard of it until now.

Magma, staring at the product of magma…LOL.

I…don’t get it. Even after watching the bit again, I don’t understand why Magma was trying to save Senku.

So…as is said for most WSJ series, the treasure was the friends we made along the way…LOL, what a way to acknowledge a trope.

Lemme guess…surprise birthday party? (Sorry, when I was reading up on Magma earlier, I saw that Magma helps with a birthday surprise for Senku and I found out what it was.)

I wonder if Rei is still up there at this point…? (Who’s Rei? You’ll find out if you read the Byakuya reboot…)

Well, “Rock Day” only works in Japanese. The language would’ve drifted over thousands of years so it shouldn’t work in the year 5731 (or whatever year Dr Stone is set).

Dr Stone 23

One episode until the end…but I’m away over Christmas, so I’ll have quite a bit to catch up on when I’m back. Update: I never did end up going away over Christmas.

Senku is much more of a trickster hero than an action hero. That’s been pretty obvious all the way through, but here it’s at its most obvious.

Oh, so Kaseki made the village bridge? Is that a correct assumption…? Update: I think the answer was yes from the manga.

How much chemistry does Gen know, anyway? Assuming he’s a humanities person because of psychology and his tricks, it must only be basic, right?

Thse intense stares…I’ve been reading JJBA: DiU lately, so I’m expecting an 80s-style “!!” to appear over someone’s head at this point, LOL.

Ooh, hardware. In fact, it looks like the inside of a computer…or, more relevant to this case, a phone.

So it’s not “rules are rules” anymore? Now Kinro’s changed his words to reflect his faith in Senku…hmm! Interesting! (Update: A quick google says Kinro is 18. Senku is about 18 (+ 3700 years). Plus, after they start dragging Ginro away, Kinro says his trademark line.)

Wouldn’t the coal smoke alert Tsukasa of the village’s location, though…? Then again, thanks to Homura and Hyouga, Tsukasa already knows their location…oops.

Rochelle salt.  

I saw that one shot of the world from the 1st OP and I thought there was meant to be a post-credits segment…LOL, nope.

Dr Stone 24 (FINAL)

The “acquisition message” basically said “We didn’t (just) need one cell phone, (so) it was useless!” Notably, it uses the counter for large items (like computers) for the phone.

Having finished the Byakuya reboot now, I wanna cry every time I hear about the guy…

Oh! The eyecatch is a record!

Basically, what records do is that they recreate sounds by using vibrations created by the grooves of the disc. Sound is a set of vibrations.

“Astronauts are science elites…” – Except maybe Lillian Weinberg…

I like Shamil out of the guys from the Soyuz the most. He’s a cross between Tsukasa and Senku. Stoic yet skeptical, a voice of reason for Byakuya’s sillier outbursts.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the shield was made with CGI, tbh.

Byakuya’s humour here is betraying the emotional capacity of the scene…it’s gone from “100% tear-inducing” to “confusing”.

Please sing Tsubasa wo Kudasai, Lillian…*crosses fingers*

I didn’t get what I wanted, but oh well. This song is good too. (I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the record player was CGI too. It’s good CGI for sure.)

LOL, Puyo Puyo! Even Sherlock Holmes! Dragon Ball, Nintendo Switch, VR, Saiyuki! It’s like a treasure trove of references!

Normally the s2 announcement comes after the credits, so I was thrown for a loop when it was announced before the ED…anyways, this is the end of the s1 coverage. See you for s2!

BnHA 72

[no notes, sorry!]

Iruma-kun 11

Robin looks like Iruma…(this vaguely annoys me.)

I noticed Keroli (sp?) is in the back left, alone…that’s kinda sad.

Sabro is hella tall…even taller than Azz-kun, and that says something.

Ah…I love Eggie-sensei. He’s so funny!

Really? I thought Sullivan wrote them (the rules).

I wanna see an episode where Eggie-sensei can’t turn into his fuzzy form and has to do familiar activities with Iruma. That, or an episode where Eggie-sensei has some human parts and some familiar ones (although that would scare some little kids, I think…)

What a Machiavellian mindset Eggie-sensei has!

Iruma’s got wine, people! Underage drinking is a no-no! (partially joking)

Good on ya, Clara! Go kick those girls to the kerb!

The butterflies are so beautiful in this show!

So basically school clubs.

Hmm…it’s almost a Fordist approach. I mean, “freeing yourself up to do other things” is basically the entire ethos of that.

NGL 10

I was reading JJBA: DiU today and Colt seriously looks like a Jojo’s character…

“Your face is just like…”

N-No way! You mean, the Victor Mary’s wanted to see all along…is the other gunhead…?! Geesh, what a plot twist!

Stars Align 10

“We all play to win.” – That’s very Maki of you, Maki.

Shinjo/Oshimi???? That must be Ryoma…! By the way, what’s up with these Itsuse twins…?

Who’s Hatanooka? Update: That’s the team with Joy in it…and those fangirls who busted Mitsue up.

F*** it…Arashi, I wanna pummel you someday.

LOL, you can sell your temmates out with chanpuru, huh, Arashi?

Did Maki suggest something subliminally…?

*Maki and Toma run around* - LOL, this play is completely unorthodox, haha. I can tell even if I’m no expert.

Shinchou Yuusha 10

We’re back after another week’s break…

Come to think of it, how do fantasy worlds have concepts of “hours”?

LOL, how convenient it was that there just happened to be a dude needing healing walking past! (partially sarcastic, partially meaning it since the circumstances foreshadowed it)

“Talent”, eh? *stares at the camera, which is showing Rista’s boobs, with disapproval*

The Demon Spirit Orb is basically a monster cell from OPM 2, isn’t it…?

If Seiya came from our world…then I’m sorry, Wolks, but whoever told you is completely and utterly wrong. *gestures at all the conflicts around the world, including political turmoil*

“Are you calling…”  

No Guns Life 11

Second-last ep!

Oh great…another yandere?(I read JJBA: DiU hardcover vol. 2 yesterday, so I’m still thinking about Yukako Yamagishi…)

There’s a convertible in the OP, though…I wonder if that will come into play later. Update: Even if it does come into play in the future, it doesn’t happen in ths cour.

Stars Align 11

It was like Joy was showing off to the camera…LOL.

Apparently, Joy’s name is a weird reading for yorokobi (happiness).

This feels like a final episode…

Hmm. I thought Yonex sponsored this. Turns out that’s a parody logo after all (or at least, here it’s a parody).

One of the Itsuse bros looks exactly like Maki, so it’s confusing…

I’m still confused as to why Shijo Minami’s shirts say nantei on them. The minami might be nan in another way of reading it, but…the shi can only be read kokorozashi otherwise and while the jou can be read many, many ways, tei isn’t one of them.

Ume = plum blossom, so that purple-pink colour really suits them.

BnHA 73

Eri’s name means, literally, “to break reason”.

This scene with the stars and the dancefloor…that’s new.

Iruma-kun 12

Sometims you forget this dork *points at Azz* is more powerful than Iruma and Clara…

You can see Clara and Iruma in the shot of Azz-kun.

The reason why I like calling Kalego “Eggie-sensei” is because he doesn’t like it! 

I love how the narrator is even aware it’s been mentioned several times Iruma can’t decline requests.

New Magic is basically science…?

Oh, it would be hilarious if this character Iruma just bumped into and he (Iruma) would be in a Battler together…but I’ve read spoilers, so I know what Iruma will join…

Is this some kind of allegory for technology…?! *eyes sparkle* Yes, I want in! Iruma! Join this club!

Even this demon’s clip is a book! Amazing!

Clara! She dab! In a pot!

Come to think of it, in the basic premise, Iruma-kun (the show) is Kenja no Mago, right? The Wise Man’s Grandson…sort of.

Shinchou Yuusha 11

Almost at the end…I’ll sorely miss this show.

Is Tiana some former version of Rista…?

How old is Seiya again…? Update: Apparently he’s 17…and if he’s the same age as he used to be in this flashback, then…kinda squicky, no?

Stars Align 12 (FINAL)

I heard this show dropped the ball and that Nao’s mother got a rant, but otherwise I don’t quite know what happens here…so let’s finish what we started. Update: Nao’s mother’s rant was in a previous episode.

Oh hey! It’s that running thing Nao and Taiyo were doing…I think. (I don’t think I’ve grasped everyone’s names, even over 12 eps, so I had to check Taiyo’s name up.)

Oh, these gremlins…*sighs happily but also exasperatedly* No wonder this show took out a top 10 position for my 2019 list.

I’m worried now…there’s always a last minute thing to ruin an episode on this show.

I always thought Ryoma’s hair was pretty nice…(small LOL). That’s just my bias for bishonen showing though.

I’m…scared now…Maki’s dad must’ve come back and the red in the sky really sold that moment…

Maki…no!!!!!!!! Aw, f***, that’s the final seconds…geesh, way to end the series. If this were a 2 cour, I’d definitely watch the next one, but since I heard through ANN that this is all we have so far, really, the only thing I can do for a passion project is hope another cour gets funded and (maybe) purchase what I can to help out. Well, that’s it, folks, skedaddle out of here until next time.

No Guns Life 12 (FINAL)

This pendant reminds me of the mana compass I saw in Fate/Zero yesterday.

I bet Danny planted those footprints…or something like that. Update: Yup, he did.

Come to think of it, is Juzo still missing his arm from last time…?

“You weren’t my client, little lady.” – There’s one of two possible options here, I think: 1) the hands guy was or 2) Danny was.

I wonder, will the hand Extended ever become his (Juzo’s) left hand? Or will he get an Extension for it?

Wow, second huge end-of-season cliffhanger! Juzo got a new buddy, it seems…anyway, see you in spring!

Cautious Hero 12 (FINAL)

If the Valkyryja (sp?) isn’t magic…what is it???

That one guy lying on the side of the fountain, looking all drunk…LOL.

Geez, you make me wanna cry, show!!!

Even the alarm clock is dejected…geez…

This is…the best conclusion of the fall season in that Seiya defeated the Demon King and the story wrapped up properly, but the worst in that Seiya died. No one died in Stars Align, even if they failed a tonne! So…I dunno. I guess it should be happy it ended optimistically…anyways, enough of my moping. See you next time.

BnHA 74

Shin Nemoto = “the truth of the origin of the sound”, if you stuck the particle no between each character.

Tintin got scary, LOL.

Lemillion, making “no capes” go out of fashion again (LOL).

Wow, talk about a clip show…! This is really one.

Check the end of the episode, don’t forget to watch the post-credits segments, people.

[cantusecho-archive]

(Episode 12.

"Meteoroid-falling, burning, and disappear, then..."

Second to last episode!

Now, this one is titled “Senki Zesshou” which is roughly translated as “Superb Song of the Valkyries”. Of course everyone knows that’s the first portion of what the show is titled, while Superb Song is referring to their Zesshou’s (I just call it Zesshou because there’s so many different translations and I’ve heard Superb wasn’t right either so lmao).

The main point of me pointing this out is considering the previous seasons and their episode 12 names, it feels a bit haunting.

S1 Episode 12: Symphogear G Episode 12: Gekisou (referring to Hibiki’s first season battle song “Gekisou Gungnir since she gets Gungnir back in that episode) GX Episode 12: GX AXZ Episode 12: AXZ XV Episode 12: Senki Zesshou

And of course we knew that XV got its own titled episode on episode 8, which broke the mold of that haha. But with it being the final season, it just wasn’t what I was expecting. I mean, after episode 8 was named “XV” I couldn’t imagine what 12 would be named. XD

But Senki Zesshou feels fitting.

Regardless, it starts out with Shem-Ha of course, talking about how close she is to her plans but this is a brief flashback to see how the Earth started looking red like the way it did. 

And so Elfnein is there to hold Shem-Ha off, along with Carol of course. They engage in a fight with her, Elfnein’s plan being she plans to try using the same dissection method that Carol’s Chateau could do.

One random note: 

When I first saw this line, I was really confused on what he was talking about since Elfnein never killed any of her friends nor has Carol technically? But I learned from someone on twitter that basically what he was saying, or hinting to, was Elfnein attempting to “kill Miku so Hibiki wouldn’t have to?” or something like that. Now I don’t know Japanese like that, but the person I read it from does so I’d believe their judgement. Like, I don’t think it’s technically WRONG, but the way they worded it just made it seem like Elfnein killed someone already lol.

MOVING ON THOUGH:

Now here’s what I love about Carol; they say her alchemy was made to challenge Gods. Literally she perfected her alchemy so well over the course of her lifetime that it’s basically within its own caliber.

It’s different compared to the Illuminati trio, probably why they don’t use the process of burning memories to use theirs? Because it seems as if due to Carol using her memories as fuel, it gives her enough power to actually do the crazy shizz she can. Elfnein even offers to have her memories erased too if it wasn’t enough, it’s crazy.

Carol is a smart woman, and it’s really hard for me to explain why I love her but this is partially the reason. If her mind wasn’t so damaged and frayed in GX, she really could have been a lot worse of an enemy I believe.

But unfortunately, Carol’s attempt doesn’t work. Shem-Ha ends up using the Shenshoujing (due to its evil banishing properties) as a way to backfire the process immediately. And because Shem-Ha thought it was admirable for Carol to try fighting against her, she doesn’t kill her.

Everyone at HQ begin to realize that since Shem-Ha can’t use the brains of the human race, due to the curse still being in effect, she’s going to use the world’s computer terminal network instead.

So after this, what we say at the end of last episode begins to take place and before long, it goes back to Hibiki and Chris. As expected, they begin fighting Vanessa. Not much to say during this fight since not much is being said but as expected, Chris achieves her Amalgam during this.

Chris was having issues with shooting since Vanessa kept getting up close, which in turn kept Hibiki from fighting since she was trying to protect Chris the whole time lol. So instead, Hibiki suggests to fight with her, which is where they both activate Amalgam.

Now with the upper hand, Noble Red are about to get sucked into space. But instead, Chris uses her own attack to save them at the last second.

Now I will say I was bummed that the attack wasn’t her and Hibiki together, nor did they get a song, but oh well. Lol.

Important part after this is that Chris has a speech and I think it speaks a lot about how far she’s come as a person after all the struggles she’s been through.

Chris has really come a long way. I know I said it but for her to find another home after what she’s been through, to find a place where she loves again and where people love her, is something she realized back in G. And so she was determined to protect her home as much as possible, along with her friends. 

But of course, this doesn’t last long because Shem-Ha has to ruin EVERYTHINGGGGG. xDDD

When they were reborn as perfect monsters, Shem-Ha placed a part within Vanessa, so she’s able to control her and plans to do just that to get rid of the network jammer with her body.

This is when Vanessa, along with Millaarc and Elsa, start begging Hibiki to attack Vanessa because they don’t want to be used any more. Hibiki, of course, hesitates for a bit too long because by the time she activates her Gear, it was already too late as Shem-Ha infected the network just as Hibiki punches Vanessa and even reprimands Hibiki for her hesitation.

It doesn’t kill Vanessa anyway but badly injured her. But because Shem-Ha injected herself into the system, she takes over from where the AI of Enki was and she explains another revelation.

“On that day, one year ago, when mankind was connected for an instant, I revived and rose from Magallanica.”

So basically what she’s saying is that back in G, when everyone on the planet was singing “Apple” (which we all know now is a song dating back to the Annunaki) and connected to stop the moon from falling, it brought her back.

She goes onto say that it was a fragment of the lost language, which is basically what she turned herself into, and because that fragment is “Apple” and was used to connect everyone on the entire planet, it awoke her.

As she starts to destroy the ruins, the Gear users have no idea how they’ll actually get off the moon now. However, Noble Red use their Daedalus Labyrinth as a means to get them back to Earth.

Vanessa tells them to not get the wrong idea, as this is partially a way for them to leave a curse on the Gear users and show them that the Earth can’t be saved. But Hibiki brings up what her dad said about curses can be turned into blessings.

So now everyone says that they’ll carry on their feelings once they get back home. Everyone BUT Maria and Tsubasa, which I found interesting...and honestly was kinda glad for.

Given the fact that Maria, and Tsubasa especially, went through the whole concert ideal with them and Tsubasa getting a rather debilitating seal put on her by one of them, I can’t...really see her forgiving them ever. Lol. Or even saying that she’ll carry on their feelings after what they did to her sooooo uh, yeah.

But this is how Noble Red dies, and once they’re gone, the Gear users are left in space. One cute little moment, despite how it being started out made me laugh, was getting Tsubasa to reach out and grab Hibiki’s hand this time.

Like what Maria said last episode, she assumed that Hibiki felt sad when Tsubasa didn’t take her hand in episode 10 but “she found the courage to reach out and grab your hand anyway”. Maria tells Tsubasa to have a little bit more courage, and Tsubasa laments that she couldn’t do it and hurt Hibiki’s feelings. So in a way, this was her chance to reach out and make it up to her.

 As they are making their way into orbit, HQ reassures them that they’re all okay and basically fighting back against Yggdrasil. 

And because of this, it’s literally the whole world working together to get rid of Yggdrasil or at least slow it down.

But a nice little surprise was actually showing Ogawa’s brothers!

And of course they’re helping too. Ogawa’s family was actually mentioned way back in G’s keywords, explaining that Souji was the head, Shinji decided to use his ninja skills for helping organizations (like S.O.N.G or 2nd Div at the time) while Suteinu didn’t want anything to do with the clan and became a host club owner instead. Lmao.

Now recently, in XDU, they actually showed Suteinu for the very first time. If no one plays the game, they wouldn’t know this of course but he literally showed up before this episode aired so I recognized him immediately. They never showed the older brother in the game, or any other type official things, so that’s a first in general haha.

But with all this happening, how will the Gear users get back to Earth safely? Well, Hibiki suggests using their X-Drives, which seems impossible because they don’t have enough Phonic Gain for it.

And all Hibiki ends up saying is for them to believe in the songs of their hearts and the Symphogears themselves. With that said, they start singing their Zesshou’s. The shield from their Amalgam’s have been protecting them from the re-entry, but once they finish singing it, the shields break immediately and I swear to God they should have like...burned up in the atmosphere. 

Shem-Ha thought that too clearly. Lol.

Now this quote is a reference to the tagline back for season 1: “Meteorid-falling, burning, and disappear, then...” it was just translated a different way.

And somehow, through some insane and confusing miracle(?) they managed to come back with the use of X-Drive. 

Now I’m assuming these are X-Drive mixed with their Amalgam forms? Though it doesn’t explain why their hair looks all fiery? I joked that it was really due to them re-entering orbit and literally just got fire hair from it all lmao. But truthfully, I have no idea how they achieved this and I assume possible keywords will be revealed for it this Friday?? 

But basically, as expected, this is the form that was shown in the logo.

I’m so surprised by Kirika’s long hair though. Due to the shot of Hibiki, I can’t tell if she has long hair or not (I’m assuming not because that red part we see floating behind her might be her scarf????) but because her and Kirika are the only short haired people, I was just wondering if it was the same for Hibiki. But we won’t see until this Saturday though.

Either way, it ends just like this of course, so the showdown is literally pushed to episode 13. I’m...really not sure how they’re going to fit so much into a 25 minute episode. Lol.

Like, maybe the fight is the first half and conclusion is the other? But if that’s the case, something is going to be rushed/pushed. The fight could be quick, or the resolution could be quick, either or. That’s all I see it as for now.

And of course I’m worried about Miku, have been for weeks now (and I’m not joking about asking my friend to reassure me probably for this whole week about it lol), and I wonder if Hibiki will even sing “Kimi Dake Ni” this episode but only one way to find out haha. 

I can’t believe we’re already near the end though. Feels like the season just started and now, the whole series is literally about to end with this upcoming episode. I wonder how it will end or how they’ll close it out. It feels like a lot to cover in a short amount of time but I’ll wait and see before making any concrete opinions.

It feels a bit...overwhelming really. I never watched a show live for so many years to see it end. It’s a completely different feeling for me so I know I’m going to feel a bit emotional. I already feel emotional typing this up and thinking about it. We’ll have the OVAs and new songs until next year with the blu rays releasing but the actual show will be over. And that’s a lot to process with the whole journey in mind.

It wasn’t a perfect one but it’s been one heck of a ride.

But I’ll save that sappiness for after next episode. 

Here’s to episode 13!)

[safflowerseason]

I have literally 10,000 questions about BMTL because it’s my favorite Dan and Amy fanfic. Ok here are my questions 1. Did Amy breastfeed? Because on one hand I cannot imagine it especially considering how much she works, but also she would understand the social implications of a women not breastfeeding (which is fucking stupid, but she would understand it) 2. What was Dan like as a father to a baby? 3. What was his reaction to her birth? 4. What do Amy and Dan do in their free time? Fuck?

These are really great questions, Anon. I honestly do not have definite answers for all of them! Although I think I will at some point, as I continue to work out the backstory of the Bring Me to Light Universe…so stay tuned :-) 

1 - This is a question I truly have not thought about. Frankly there are so many variables and I haven’t considered which works best for my little AU universe…although I absolutely agree with you that Amy would be very aware of the social ramifications of her choice to breastfeed or not. Maybe Cassidy never takes to breastfeeding. Maybe Amy pumps but doesn’t actually breastfeed directly. Mostly what I think about in relation to this question is how truly awful Selina must have been to Amy, for daring to bring a baby on her campaign. Think about all the abuse she must have taken whenever she had to duck out from a meeting to do basically do anything baby-related. (Admittedly, the Selina in my story resembles S5-S7 Selina, although I do think S1-4 Selina would also struggle with Amy’s attention being so divided.)

2 - I actually get into this a bit in the next chapter, so I won’t say too much here…just that Dan was completely freaked out by the depth of his connection to a tiny human he was partially responsible for creating. He thought he would feel nothing and he felt something and he probably had a bad reaction to that. 

3 - Dan has honestly blacked out a lot of Amy’s labor because it was excruciating for him to watch her in so much pain, and also because giving birth is a pretty gross thing to watch. For most of the delivery he was focused on getting Amy through it…the baby was kind of incidental to the whole experience. He stayed up by Amy’s head and did not watch his daughter actually emerge into the world. He did not the cut the umbilical cord. He did not insist on holding her until the nurse suggested it…but then maybe he didn’t let her go until Amy demanded her back. (I wrote a little fluffy one-shot way back when we all thought a baby was actually going to happen…it’s not related to Bring Me To Light, but I think Dan’s general stunned reaction to the brand-new physical existence of his daughter does apply.) 

4 - Amy and Dan are both giant workaholics and do not really have “free time”, especially as the parents of a young child. When Cassidy isn’t demanding their attention or when she has finally fallen asleep, they sit on their bed or on their couch and yell at the TV while looking at their phones or iPads. Dan sometimes cooks as form of stress relief. They definitely fuck a lot, and not just in their house. In the BMTL-universe Dan is the early riser while Amy is the late sleeper, so I think Dan would particularly be into morning sex (not that Amy isn’t, but it’s something Dan specifically wakes her for.) Occasionally Dan drags Amy “out” to some exclusive work-related reception or to some fancy bar so he can post about it on Instagram. At some point in the not-so-distant future, they will take a vacation together. 

I love questions from readers about Bring Me To Light. I’m so flattered and thrilled that people are engaging with it and wondering about the back-story and wider universe. In the next two weeks, however, I am going to concentrate more on writing than Tumblr inquiries in order to finish the next chapter (ugh, only so many hours in a day, and your questions are so thoughtful, I want to be thoughtful and detailed in return!) . I’m *very* neurotic and can’t bear to leave anyone in limbo if they send in a question, which is why I’m saying this now. But please do not hesitate to send in your Q’s, if you have them…I see them all and appreciate them deeply and I promise you I will answer them eventually. ❤️❤️❤️

[janiedean]

Anyone who think Kit is a good actor is an idiot. And there's so many of them. That's why the world is getting worse and will be dominated by robots 🤖

oddmy dearest @the-bitter-gremlin hopefully you’ll get the tag because I really wanna make sure you see this reply :’DDDDDD

now, point the first: thanks for calling me an idiot! :D I mean, okay, not that grades mean anything of course but given that I went as far as graduating HS in the top five of my class, that I have two degrees one of which with the highest possible vote in a field that’s technically not too easy and that it’s even certified that I speak at least one language at native-tongue level and I can get by in two others other than mine I think my brain is fine enough, thank you.

I also watched more movies than the average person (no, I did, really, I considered studying cinema instead of going to proper uni for real), my top ten favorite movies is all stuff made before the nineties except for one and all my favorite actors are Certified Good Actors Like For Real and I got called a snob for my movie/actor taste more times than I can count. the only reason I’m doing this long-ass preamble is to inform you that if someone can’t act, I can recognize it and I have absolutely no problem admitting it even if it’s someone I like as a person or whose work I enjoy. for one, I can 100% admit that my favorite italian actor when he was nine back then was pretty atrocious (he got better admittedly but I haven’t followed him in a while, so who cares), and I still enjoyed his movies anyway even if he was terrible and I even knew it, but hey, he was hot, so who cares, right? and I enjoyed a fair amount of horribly acted italian fiction because it was fun, so really, I don’t have anything to lose here.

this was all a long preamble to tell you that yes, my favorite actor is marlon brando not the first idiot passing off the street, and yes, kit is actually good at what he does and no, people are not idiots for thinking that.

now, never mind that idek if you saw him in anything that’s not GOT, but the only movie of his I’ve seen where he was really meh was the spy movie and that was because the entire plot sucked ass and the character was terrible but everything was terrible. for the rest, he certainly pulled a better american accent than half of the british actors I’ve heard (it was brimstone by the way, excellent movie, watch it), he can do comedy (watch seven days in hell :D) and ah, yeah, he’s just making a movie/finishing a movie with xavier dolan who’s like… not someone known for picking bad actors. also, uuuh, he went to school for that actually, but not just anywhere -

ah, wow, HE WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL WHERE LAURENCE OLIVIER, VANESSA REDGRAVE AND JUDI DENCH WENT but okay, sure, they’d totally take someone talentless according to them? and actually:

In the 2008 Research Assessment Exercise the majority of Central’s submission was judged “world leading” or “internationally excellent”. The school has been ranked highly by The Guardian, placing it sixth in its league table of specialist institutions[9]and ninth for Drama and Dance.

LOOK AT THAT, TOP-NOTCH SCHOOL.

now, what is that british acting schools prepare people for? theater.

which means that he’s a theater actor first and foremost, which shows in his damned acting because if you notice he does half of it with his voice, but I guess you were too busy thinking he’s too good-looking to act, right?

except that not counting theater stuff, GOT was the first job he had *and* his first job on tv, which means that of course he wasn’t as good as the others in the beginning, because a) acting for the theater and for tv aren’t the same, b) it was his first job and not everyone is named leonardo dicaprio and can act their way out of a what’s eating gilbert grape at seventeen.

thing is: while at least one of his co-stars hasn’t improved in the role they have (imo but it’s also the writing) and most of the others GOT actors are either seasoned professionals or had acted for the camera before and had less issues adapting to it, he actually got better, and he actually acted a lot better when he was feeding off other people. case in turn:

that’s jon and jaime in s1. admittedly, not kit’s best effort unless you interpret it as jon being so lovestruck by jaime being around him that he’s like 404 page not found, and he had one scene with NCW from then until S7, and they didn’t even interact. NCW is miles better than he is here, obviously, but like, NCW has been in the job since the early 90s and I assure you his first danish movie isn’t his best acting effort either even if it’s not bad. BUT, let’s go to another S1 scene:

jon and sam discuss sex, yey! here he’s with a guy - john bradely - who’s probably (at this point) better than him at reciting on screen, but with whom he’s had a lot more scenes and that is playing his best friend and with whom he presumably hung out a lot and with whom he’s had a lot of time to work with. and even if it’s still S1, if you look at it it’s miles better - he does a lot more of microexpressions, he never looks at the camera (first sign of bad acting btw, he didn’t do it in the previous scene either but there he looked starstruck all the time, here he doesn’t) and like, you can already see that there’s a vast difference in between the two. and it’s the same season, five episodes apart - supposedly they also filmed it later and he’s already more at ease with it. 

now, small pause to remind you that at this point jon doesn’t have too much extra baggage BUT that kit actually read the damned book and you can see it because he makes very precise choices ie in the book after jon burns his hand he flexes the fingers of the hurt one every time he’s nervous or he’s about to lie or something, and he does the exact same thing (link here btw), and fyi, with the exception of partially alfie and gwen, no one in the cast actually went as far as that so HAHAHAHAHA WOW SUCH BAD ACTING, INNIT? anyway, that was season one. I’ll spare you and myself S2/¾ also because if I link you the jon/ygritte scenes I’ll shoot myself in the head. instead, let’s go to season five and 5x02, as in the season where I literally would have quit the fucking show if it wasn’t for jon’s storyline.

if you look at this, he doesn’t even say a fucking word until the ending, and you can see exactly what he’s thinking just looking at his damned face, because if you pay even the slightest bit of attention you notice that he changes expression minutely with every damned word sam and thorne say, you can see his eye movements, then he goes from complete sour to sad to angry to surprised to delighted to worried to happy again in the span of four minutes without even talking once and it’s miles better than anything he did in S1. 

or you could also rewatch the scene where he punches ramsay in S6 where he does a lot of microexpressions that speak for him without even talking, again, in an episode where he did all the stunts on his own same as the rest of the show, and that’s really not little given all the work it goes into being, uh, the main character, who also happens to have to be a seasoned fighter and use swords and so on. (I can’t link but I think I exhausted my limit for linking videos on tumblr so whatever *SHRUG*)

guess what: HE IMPROVED. GREATLY. IT SHOWS. learn to watch the damned thing, it doesn’t take going beyond GOT to realize it. and now, two last things I have to say to you before I finish this because I honestly wasted too much time on you already.

one: he might not be the best actor around - fair enough -, but kit’s definitely good imo. not passable, not decent, not average - he’s good. and he’s learning and he’s improved tremendously in the last eight years and it shows, and he put enough effort into this role to a) read the canon, b) incorporate the canon into it, c) actually changing scenes so that they fit canon more, d) do all his own stunts, e) carry 60% of this whole damned liver-destroying show on his shoulders since at least S5 in which his sl was the only saving grace of the entire thing and he executed it perfectly, so kindly fuck off and don’t go to people calling them idiots because they think an actor is good.

(ps: I

two: going into people’s askboxes and calling them idiots because they enjoy something and insulting what they enjoy is a) rude, b) uncalled for, c) an asshole move.

next time let me/us/whoever enjoy this guys’ acting in peace and keep your fucking opinion to yourself, because honest, if I could spend twenty years out of almost thirty of my life keeping my mouth shout about how much I hate HP to a) my rl friends, b) my internet friends and I could keep myself from informing them that I think it’s really bad under their posts or in their inbox or to their face because I’d be an asshole if I decided to shit on what they like, then you can pay me the same favor (or about anyone else) and not go around dissing stuff people like to their faces when they said openly they like them.

sayonara and call me when you get an emmy nomination :’)