#I literally cannot imagine the grief and loss she feels

[fearsomeandwretched]

My favorite teacher in hs actually lost her daughter to a tornado. She died at school

[hibiscus-percy]

Still cannot believe the pain that Persephone is definitely feeling, because she mentioned that her greatest wish was to be a mother, only for her to have two children and not be able to raise either of them because of circumstances out of her control. Quite literally, both of them were born and then something terrible happened, resulting in her being unable to watch them grow up.

Zagreus was born dead. Persephone, in her grief, fled to the surface to escape the pain she felt. Years later, the same son she thought she'd never see again showed up at her cottage. She then proceeded to watch him die, over and over again, as was the price he had to pay for fighting his way to get just a few minutes of her time. In the end, it all worked out, but I can't imagine her having to watch her son repeatedly collapse and melt away into the Styx, slowly realizing she's made a mistake in running away.

Melinoë, although we don't know her story in its entirety just yet, also didn't get to be raised by her mother. She was born, and then the House was attacked. Persephone quite literally had to let her child go, in hopes that she'd be okay. Persephone probably sits in the imprisoned House, thinking of her poor girl and how she's once again missed watching her child grow up.

Persephone has had to experience the grief of a mother's loss two times. Do you think she cradles her arms and remembers how small Melinoë was when she saw her last, and if she's even still alive? Do you think she stares into the Styx and remembers the night she ran away after Zagreus was born without breath?

Persephone. Her one wish has been denied over and over again. The goddess of verdure; the growing green of plants, was unable to help and watch her own children grow.

[brain-depositary]

Okay, here are Arcane spoilers for Act 2. I have thoughts on Viktor, as there's been a lot of back and forth over whether what we're seeing is really him or if he is being controlled by the hexcore/arcane. And people are missing the narrative explanations, which seem to make what happened really obvious. And the biggest sign of this is that Viktor has been hallucinating Sky the whole time. The man has clearly lost his marbles.

The show is very clear that Sky is not there physically, but she's also absolutely not there mentally, spiritually, magically, whathaveyou. Her ghost isn't in the hexcore or whatever. There's simply no way.

It's not that we know for sure there are no ghosts in the world of Arcane. It hasn't been proven one way or the other that they exist. All sorts of fantastical things exist in Arcane and maybe ghosts do, too. But we know Sky isn't one because it makes no narrative sense for her to be.

Thematically, all of Arcane has been about people handling grief and loss not just poorly, but destructively. Powder hallucinates the people she's lost as critical voices and behaves erratically and dangerously whenever they do. Both Vander and Silco twist Vi and Powder's mother's dreams of peace into more violence and oppression. Jayce can't deal with the loss of Viktor and uses the hexcore to save him which Viktor specifically told him to destroy. Caitlyn becomes a dictator after her mother's death and uses the ventilation system her mother created against the very people it was intended to help. Ambessa has gone on a rampage for her dead son who preferred bloodless subterfuge, and I have a feeling Singed's daughter would approve of all the things her father is trying to do to bring her back, had she ever had the chance to know.

But Viktor, after losing Sky and her dreams, just kind of gets her back, and fulfills them? Yeah, no, I'm calling bullshit. Viktor is not going to be the only one exempt from the Arcane pain train. This would be bad writing.

Sky isn't a ghost here. She's gone. The version of her in the hexcore is purely a product of Viktor's imagination. We don't see Sky a lot, but what little we do, she's different, much more confident. It's not her. Viktor is handling his loss badly, too, but his method of doing so is just wholesale denying that it happened. Sky isn't dead, she's right there. Her dreams aren't gone, they're perfectly within reach. It doesn't matter if he dies now because he's succeeded in his goals of helping people. The sick are healed, the hungry are fed. The commune is thriving. Everything is great.

With whatever power he gained from the hexcore, he's able to project this denial onto the real world, at least for a little while. Everything in his little bubble DOES seem great, but the cracks in the facade come early. When Salo talks to Jayce in the overflow chamber, Jayce's breath condenses, while Salo's does not, implying that he's not breathing. Also, Salo's turnover at the commune is disturbingly quick -- his original personality just does not seem to be there anymore, despite his insistence otherwise. The "no weapons" rule, while idealistic, cannot realistically be enforced -- as much as Viktor denied, reality was going to come crashing in and he was going to be unprepared for it, because he just decided he didn't have to be. Huck didn't even seem afraid at all denying a heavily armed warlord and her contingent entry without disarming first when literally his only character trait has been being cowardly. There's nothing in him anymore.

So, is Viktor being mind controlled, or is this the same Viktor we've known the whole time? Well, it's not really either. This is Viktor snapping and having a mental breakdown. This is Viktor's equivalent of Jinx's tea party at the end of season 1, except he has far more power to make it last longer, seem nicer, and drag far more people into it. Probably, the hexcore is taking advantage of Viktor's vision to build its hivemind, but the vision itself is all Viktor.

So, given all this, my prediction is: Viktor will be salvaged and revived by Singed. He will get a reality check, that Sky is really gone, that the people he healed are hollowed-out husks, that the peace he created was too fragile to last -- and he won't care, he will try to get it back by any means necessary, even if he doesn't have the arcane abilities or ability to completely deny reality that he used to have. And this will create a bitter person, similar to the character we know as the Machine Herald from League of Legends.

[louisissucha-teez]

how have we not yet discussed how johnlock guilty as sin? is?

okay so i'm not even gonna get into how The Reichenbach Fall coded 'downtown lights' by the blue nile is (atleast not right now, i have a lot to say already). so, reichenbach fall happens and john's boredom's bone deep, this cage (life, his marriage, whatever you wanna take it as) which was once just fine (because he had sherlock and they had quite a happening life) is decidedly not fine anymore. he feels guilty for feeling this way, he doubts his own grief for how strongly it takes a hold of him, how trivial everything else (read: literally his whole LIFE) feels in comparison to this loss. he doesn't even know what to say, how to act, except to ask am i allowed to cry?

he's remembering the great adventures they had together. the days when "the game is afoot" signalled words ready to be written, fickle mysteries waiting to entrap them but being lacerated by the greatest mind he ever knew, the man he can never leave behind even when he himself was left behind (for somewhere deep down, quite contritely, he blames sherlock for being the first to leave).

but these are all things of past now. all he can do is dream of cracking locks, throwing (their) lives to the wolves or the ocean rocks (because really, what have they not done in pursuit of a criminal?)

then, The Empty Hearse. john is trying to outrun the voices in his head, the memories haunting him. he goes out on a date with mary, put the hauntings to a pause and all that, only to crash into him tonight and no, this cannot be happening and mary is looking at him and calling out to him and he should answer, she is getting worried, he should tell her it's fine but is it? is it really fine?

he should be dead.

he's a paradox

he fell to his death.

i'm seeing visions,

john wants to punch him. or hug him. he loves him. he hates him. he wishes this happened like, oh, two years ago. he wishes this never happened. he wishes the dead would've stayed dead, buried in the cemetery he visited heaven knows how many times. he wishes he were the dead instead.

john punches him.

am i bad? or mad? or wise?

i will leave the nsfw part of the chorus to your imagination (i have a lot of it. way too much of it. someone write a fanfic please.)

but sherlock is, after all, much like an add¡ction. the withdrawal was misery and one slip and falling back into the hedge maze and they're on the underground, and they are about to probably be blown up and the last thing he would see is those clear, calculating, alive, eyes staring right back at him and oh, what a way to die

they could've died. they didn't, because of course sherlock wouldn't let him die, but they could've because not every fall can be a feint and sherlock fell from grace in john's heart and he just can't bear to open it up to him again. but of course, he can't escape his own heart, can do nothing but keep his longings locked in lowercase inside a vault. he feels these feelings but doesn't act on them, never acts on them (for someone (sherlock, probably) told him there's no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk). so he keeps these fatal fantasies buried inside (let out only in the dead of night). again, nothing i want to say here that taylor didn't already say.

and how can i not talk about the bridge. what if he gave up on sherlock, on them? and what if he didn't? they're gonna crucify (him) anyway but does it really matter, when he chose him, when he'll always choose him, when sherlock has haunted him for years but he'd still choose him, religiously, when what they have is all that is holy, and without it all he knows is agony?

he's here, sherlock is finally here, an answer to john's million, billion, whimpering prayers, but he's still left longing for their trysts. is he allowed to cry?

(bonus point for why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow basically being the definition of johnlock from literally day 1)

[beevean]

"NFCV's portrayal of Dracula is a masterpiece, it finally gave depth to the character! His sorrow is sympathetic, he's not just an evil guy for evil guy's sake! He's deep, nuanced!"

Is he? Is he, though?

The more I think about Dracula (the games one obv), the more it angers me how the show treated him. In its best seasons, to boot.

Because yes, they certainly put a lot of focus on his grief, and took care to humanize him. And that's the issue.

The idea, on paper, is wonderful. Dracula is a monster moved by human emotions. He's a danger to the entirety of mankind, God's direct enemy, but at his core, he's a man bereft for the loss of his wives.

The very first episode nailed it! He makes an utterly terrifying entrance in Targoviste, as a pillar of fire threatening the people to move out in a year lest they face his wrath. They don't believe him. He keeps his word. He does not hold back.

And he caps it off with this chilling, yet tragic speech:

Kill everything you see. Kill them all. And once Targoviste has been made into a graveyard for my love, go forth into the country. Go now. Go to all the cities of Wallachia: Arges! Severin! Gresit! Chilia! Enisara! Go now and kill. Kill for my love! Kill for the only true love I ever knew. Kill for the endless lifetime of hate before me.

This is Dracula. This is the Devil himself who is absolutely destroyed by the loss of his love, knows that he will never be able to move on, and by all the forces of Hell, he will make everyone feel his misery.

Season 2, by all means, should have capitalized on this. Imagine the great contrast it would be: one scene shows Dracula, in his firey form, sending his forces, the Night Creatures that he forced Hector and Isaac to make all night, to raze an entire village to ashes... and the next, he retreats to his quarters to slump in his chair, speaking in a soft and broken voice, and suddenly, he is a man again. It would show his duality so well.

But the show simply forgot the first part.

The entirety of the plot in S2 is that Dracula has stopped being a villain. This is the crux of the conflict! Dracula spends his entire time moping in his chair, and he's so Depressed™ that he literally loses control of his forces... which allows Carmilla to more or less replace him.

There you have it: Dracula's entire arc in S2.

Dracula gets nothing but "humanizing" moments. He speaks civilly to Carmilla after she makes a fool out of him. He commiserates to Isaac about how no one is his friend anymore, taking care to sit by his side like they're buddies. He doesn't care about anything anymore, thus allowing Carmilla to run amok and play Hector and Isaac like recorders (I would say "like a fiddle" but that would imply talent). His plan gets described, multiple times, including by his own son, as nothing more than a suicide mission that will accidentally take down everyone with him. Most importantly, Dracula is painted as being simply a shortsighted fool, who lied to Hector to hire him and then he's surprised that he's distancing himself, who never thought ahead when it cames to blood perserves, who really, why didn't he just turn Lisa into a vampire, is he stupid?

(he's literally doing a :( face. i cannot make this shit up)

Once again: his death scene, which is at its core him being taken down by his own emotions, is brilliant in a vacuum. But in context, it breaks down spectacularly: Dracula has done nothing but feel sorry for himself for 7 episodes now. Where is the guy who made guts and man-eating demons fall from the sky? This is such a blatant attempt to defang (hehe) an iconic antagonist for the sake of 1) propping up an OC, and 2) because we are such good writers and we will fix the shallow games by giving Humanity to our antagonists, to the point where they're not even So Bad After All! (also 3) because woobiefying the dilf will make our horny fans happy)

But like. You can show Dracula's humanity without painting him as such a sad meow meow.

It is said that there was a deplorable incident. Those who did it, those who saw it, those who didn't stop it, the one who created the world, all are equally guilty.

The pain of loss  Distorted overflowing resentment Unquenchable sorrow  The claws of a trembling fist pierce the palm  Becoming a bloody hammer of violence

Gaining what was lost A power as big as sadness A person who rebels against the creator of an existence that will never be lost

One page has the narration describing Dracula's "unquenchable sorrow" that turns his fist into a "bloody hammer of violence"...

"Please, I beg of you, I’m human too!"

"My nourishment is human life and mistakes. I will disappear when humans perish…"

And the next one will have Dracula severely punish his General for daring to question him in his cruel plan for revenge.

And he'll still show some vulnerability to Isaac, but apparently he was okay with him killing Hector and bringing his head back.

And then there's the ending of SoTN, where Dracula finally asks Lisa forgiveness, but not after nearly killing his son and even swearing to wipe away his "vulgar blood" in Japanese. And then there are the implications, most obvious in Grimoire of Souls, that even Dracula has grown tired of being forced to come back over and over, but shows no sign of remorse.

[...]

It may not be shown in depth as NFCV does, but even if more is left to imagination, the games do a much better job at walking the line between "Dracula is the Devil incarnate, a spiteful monster who only desires death and destruction" and "Dracula is the former shell of a man who was broken by grief and cannot let go of his pain".

So yeah. I'm not impressed by the show trying too hard to make me cry for its ineffective, pathetic, pitiful version of Dracula.

[heartsyhawk]

As bad weeks go this is definitely one I'm having (CW: Animal death... again, grief)

When my dog Suki passed away on Sunday it was unfathomably devastating and heartbreaking. I knew it was happening and had time to prepare for it and process it but she was literally a cornerstone for just about my entire life and the loss hurt deep.

It still hurts deep. It's gonna be an ugly snarl of pain for a long time. New things keep cutting into it to make a fresh and zesty new hurt. So far today it has been things like 'I spilled raisins on the floor and had a whole panic attack scrabbling to get them up before the 4 legged vacuum who absolutely cannot have grapes realized there was something on the floor...except she did not and will never again race to "help" clean up spilled human food', 'found a can of her favorite food in a place I didn't expect it to be', 'woke up from a brief nap automatically at what used to be afternoon walk time', 'her insulin is still in my fridge' and 'was able to agree to plans without worrying about being home to do meds'.

I imagine at some point things will stop adding new knife wounds but I am not there yet. Extra definitely not there yet.

My cat Dobby was even more broken than I was at losing her. They were buddies for her whole 15 years with us and we knew it was going to be hard for him, how could it not be. But he was 20 and a half years old and even though he was in pretty nice shape for a kitty his age, his heart couldn't take the strain of grief.

Three days after Suki lost her battle with cancer, Dobby died (the vet called it broken heart syndrome) just before midnight.

I feel like I'm drowning in sticky tar. I can't believe they are both gone, so close together. They were the last two babies I had. My heart and home are empty of all but the reminders they should be here.

I can't help but worry through the unbearable agonizing loneliness that I won't be able to have another pet. My health is... complicated. I can't do a lot of the physical things I should be able to. I can't change the litter box for a cat without help due to my breathing and physical strength (and I DO NOT have reliable help anymore). I can't go on long walks with a dog anymore and I don't know if I have the stamina to train an animal. And the cost. Woo boy the cost. Pet food alone is up about 45 percent since Covid started like a lot of necessary groceries. Pet vet meds got so much more expensive too. Vet bills are always pretty steep. But I casually looked into adopting a kitten and it's gonna be 500 dollars for the pair (nobody will let you adopt a single kitten here anymore) before that animal is even chipped or spayed/neutered. I can't afford that right now and I'm not sure I will be able to any time soon. The shelters near me will do like 50 bucks for a senior cat and that's great but I would prefer to have less old age related pet issues for like a decade.

Everything is just really rotten this week. I'm sure things will get better eventually but we aren't quite there.

[boardboxes]

I cannot even imagine the horror that must’ve been surviving order 66 honestly. that level of grief is insane and I’m so glad we’ve explored it bc oh my god. especially for Ahsoka who was a child?? who lost everything before she was even 18. but for older people like Obi-Wan. who feel the weight the heaviest, feeling like if he had just been better, he could’ve saved everybody. if he had been a better leader for anakin, he could have prevented it all. And Yoda who had experienced the height of the Jedi order, to now having to live in exile. Kanan and Cal who’s masters sacrificed themselves so they could survive. Baby Reva.. in the jedi temple, training with her friends until that door is opened and they’re all gunned down, seeing anakin and thinking he was there to HELP them. Cere and Trilla. Trilla feeling betrayed that Cere left her behind because so many other masters sacrificed themselves for their Padawans but cere LEFT her. grogu literally cannot even speak and is haunted by flashbacks. The weight that these people feel, the betrayal and hurt and loss. Cannot even imagine. None of them had an easier time than the other and I’m SO SICK!!!!!!!! I CANNOT EVEN PUT INTO WORDS HOW HEARTBREAKING IT IS AND WE KEEP GETTING MORE SCENES N I EAT IT UP!!

[theheroand]

Hi, Pollen! I know you’ve been feeling rather consistently sick lately but have you ever thought of how Ganyu would take care of you in such times?

I imagine she simply wouldn’t leave your side; you remember how Ganyu took some time off in that one quest and about three women were required to come even close to being able to do what she did alone? And they were still running behind deadlines? It seems Liyue would have to deal with a similar situation once more, except this time for a much longer duration; you’re her number one priority after-all.

She won’t leave your side until she is completely sure that you’re feeling better. I think the only time she’ll be away is when she is rushing to Bubu Pharmacy to see if there’s anything she get you to feel better. She’ll make you plenty of warm soup and hold you close; you may argue back to her that she’ll get sick but she’d simply smile and tell you that she’s still part adeptus; you really don’t have to worry about her getting sick any time soon. Besides, she would be lying if she said a part of her wasn’t utterly relishing the time together; a majority of her was admittedly drowning in worry, but that one small part of her couldn’t help but indulge as she held you close and surrounded her every sense with you.

Her worry would be no joke either though; sure, she might have fought in a literal war, and become well-acquainted with feelings of loss and grief, but you are the one thing she cannot afford to lose. Even if you may not be able to see yourself as worth much, you’re everything to her. She realises that being part-Adeptus means that she will outlive many, perhaps even entire bloodlines, but she hopes for you to be a constant in her life til her dying breath. You’re irreplaceable to her, with your health being a greater concern than her own.

LAPIS.

[harostar]

Man, they knew the internet would explode. They’ve been waiting nearly a decade for this and I cannot imagine the utter joy to finally be able to fully discuss this romance that has been brewing for so long.

BESIDES THAT THO, several thoughts:

Jaune, Jaune we had all these theories about you and it turns out the himbo just picked the wrong fruit. Fucked with time and then sat on a beach being sad until someone showed up.

And there he is, trying to be the guide of the story and failing miserably. 

Did he say “cats”, as in plural? We really do not know whether or not the Curious Cat can be trusted or not, which seems on-theme for the issues with Authority Figures in this series. Like the Brother Gods, Ozpin, and the Headmasters, we’re again and again faced with figures with knowledge and authority that are mysterious and untrustworthy.

Which Jaune himself has fallen into, becoming JUST LIKE the generation of war-weary adults before him. Like Ozpin, Qrow, Ironwood, Lionheart, Raven, ect he is exhausted and bitter and letting all this trauma color his actions. Interesting how in that Punderstorm maze, his Atlas Era self is always reflected back at him. He knows how the storms work, and also has not worked out his issues so he’s always just having to wait for the storm to pass.

Waiting waiting seems to be the theme with him. He waited for the others. He waits for the storms to pass, to avoid dealing with his problems. He never fixed his broken sword, and let his armor and shield rust over time. He’s stuck in a cycle of believing himself to be a failure that can never save anyone. 

Alyx and her brother, Luis. It’s interesting how Jaune and the Cat both indicate they don’t actually KNOW what happened. The Cat is more honest in stating they didn’t see what happened, while it’s kind of.....unclear whether Jaune caught up to witness things or whether he’s simply making assumptions. 

We’re presented with the idea of Sacrificing/Feeding the tree, but at the same time I feel like there’s more to it. So far, the prices paid have mostly been symbolic as opposed to more literal. The auction with prices like “a hug” or “what it feels to be loved” or Ruby trading her emblem as “a mother’s promise”. It feels like just chucking someone into the tree as a sacrifice isn’t going to work, since at its core Ever After seems to run on ideas of Roles, Purposes, and stories. Ideas and Feelings, so the sacrifice is likely not a literal “Who gets tossed into the volcano” kind of scenario. 

Like no doubt that’s the conflict being built up, because OF COURSE they are thinking in terms of how things work back home and all the things they’ve lost. That someone has to die, that something physical has to be given up, that it has to be bloody and cruel and painful. But this has so far been a journey about Self, and figuring themselves out as opposed to dealing with much in terms of physical threats. 

For Yang and Blake, it was a journey of facing their feelings. Accepting that the things they’ve gone through have made them better, and then accepting that they love each other.

For Weiss, she’s reeling from the loss of Atlas and trying to push through a very real and understandable grief.

For Ruby, she’s facing the legacy/ghost of her mother and all the trauma she’s pushed to the side. How overwhelmed she feels, as The Leader and hope for the world but also notably THE YOUNGEST she’s a kid she shouldn’t even have been at Beacon that soon. And she’s team leader, she’s trying to fill Ozpin’s shoes as the leader, and she’s trying to follow her mother’s larger-than-life memory. 

Jaune is broken and haunted and caught in all his heroic dreams being crushed. Being the one in the position of the leaders he resented. 

And Neo, off on her own and lost in her rage and grief and full of new power. 

I think this volume is going to be less about someone dying or being left behind, and more about the challenge of them all having a breakthrough. Letting go of old things, letting go of comfortable illusions, and facing difficult parts of themselves to emerge out the other side. 

[idlebug]

loss is literally so fucking odd you really never know how an absence will feel in your life until it happens and then it's like. oh. that is so weird. how is this tangible somehow. why does it have like a physical weight.

my friend's dad passed away suddenly in his sleep the day before father's day. they still don't know what happened. his son was going to get breakfast with him that morning and he wouldn't answer the phone. he told me it just kept ringing and ringing. he was only nineteen and found him in the bedroom. in my wildest fucking nightmares, i cannot imagine what that must have been like.

he was literally one of the most intense guys ever. scared the shit out of me just because every time i saw him i knew he expected a hand shake and a good ten to fifteen minute conversation about where i was going to school and then it was what i was doing for work and then it was when are you going to move out. i ran into him all the time, i just came to expect to see him at like random strip malls and restaurants and shit in my hometown. i always saw him at my friend's concerts. i saw him just two months ago and i remember thinking it was like no time had passed between us. i was thirteen again seeing him pick his daughter up from school and asking me if i needed a ride. he was always lecturing me. "it's no, thank you sir, not nah i'm good, thanks" something like that. it's literally so weird to think i won't run into him again.

he really loved his kids. he went to all of my friend's shows. he knew all the names of her friends. both his kids told stories the same way he did, always the loudest person in the room and pausing to smile before the punchline. there was always a punchline. he grew up in chicago and it was so obvious. my friend found out an hour before she went on stage while she was touring and decided to perform anyways because the last text from her dad was to break a leg but he never actually said that he would say "break everyone else's leg". sometimes he would tell my friend to leave him a voicemail just so he could hear her voice. his son looked so much like him, it was insane. they even had the same posture and the same laser focus eye contact.

you don't think about how when someone dies you have to figure out all the paperwork. i went to my friend's house today and she told me about how she'd just spent the whole day going through his unopened mail because she was trying to figure out how much he owed on his car lease. she kept saying she wished she could just call him and ask. they were having trouble getting into his bank account because they needed a new pin. they had no idea who his landlord was or when his rent was up or if he still needed to pay for the month or how that even works after someone dies. the kind of shit you ask your dad about.

i brought my friend a box of chocolate and she chugged like three hard seltzers with me in her mom's living room. i hadn't been there since i was in high school, it felt so weird. i don't think i ever hugged her brother before. and idk it was such a relief to see him. like i didn't want to leave unless i saw him. i used to give that kid such a hard time when we were younger. it was always a battle of wits with him. he showed up with a friend and i basically forced them to let me buy them dinner. lmao i think that was me trying to cope more than trying to help them cope. i'm sure that gets really annoying. you don't just have your own grief to deal with, you have to deal with everyone else's too.

idk sometimes you know you really love a family but you don't think about it that often and then all of a sudden it's so abundantly clear it makes you want to cry. dads are so weird. death is so weird.

[everythingsinred]

Sorry if you've already brought this up somewhere at some point, but I have two NatsuMikan questions about,,, gregnancy 😬

1) Do you think they'd even want kids? I can imagine that they'd both be hesitant on the idea of having a kid that undoubtedly would have an Alice, even if the academy wasn't chasing families down anymore (which like, that is a thing that was stopped, right? I hope it was because that's literally so traumatic, why is this school so fucking traumatizing)

2) There would be a chance that the kid could get an Alice shape like Natsume's, so like,, that could be rough on his end, like would they even want to do that without knowing how long Natsume has?

I realize that kinda seeps into an idea that people with chronic and/or terminal illnesses can't have families or be happy or something, but I'm just thinking about Natsume's mom, and how young he was when she died. I *heavily* doubt he would remember her death, but I'm certain that he would feel her loss, and I'm just wondering if you think he would go through with it despite that.

Personally, I have a hard time imagining them having a family, but that may be because for the majority of the series, they are children. Whenever I do try to imagine it, my brain just goes into Punnett Square Mode(tm) and tries to figure out what could be dominant traits from what is known, so not much is done there lmao

these are really great questions. to be honest because they never actually talk about it, the answer would be entirely up to headcanon, so there is no right or wrong answer.

also this ended up being rly long and rambly sorry

funnily enough i did mention this topic a lil when i'd reblogged a character question meme thing and someone requested i do all of them (i'd established myself as a natsume aficionado at this point i guess lmao). the relevant part of my answer to question #13 (about what he'd be like as a parent) was:

 i feel like natsume would be hesitant at first to be a dad. like he’d be super happy to find out mikan is pregnant ofc but he’d be hesitant. maybe he wouldn’t voice it. he’d be uncomfortable on several counts: 1) life shortening alices are genetic and he would never want his child to suffer as he has. 2) he’d be scared that he wouldn’t have as much time to spend with his kid as he’d like and would be sad to miss out on important milestones in the case that he dies too young. in my mind the life-shortening alice gets cured after a few years so these become non-issues and thus he gets very happy about having a kid.

something you must know about me is that i HATE the thought of natsume dying like it fully disgusts me--i hate to imagine he dies young. it feels really wrong to me. my brain cannot allow me to view the last little bit of the manga as canon tbh, so it's constructed another canon ending for me that includes the discovery of a cure for the fourth shape. (is it even possible to cure it? i dont CARE.) because of this (delusional) state of mind, i dont rly think of most of the things you mentioned. the cool thing about post-canon is that nobody can really stop you from thinking whatever you want. but i will address all of your points anyway bc theyre valid and then ill give my thoughts on them having kids, though im not an expert and certainly not the deciding opinion on what headcanons other ppl should adopt.

its a good point to bring up, discussing what happy endings exist for ppl with chronic or terminal diseases in media, even if he still has the same alice shape. my sister zoe has type 1 diabetes and we've had conversations about this exact thing (not about natsume; about her). it's a complicated issue for her, because even if type 1 diabetes isn't terminal (anymore), it is a huge source of grief and upset for her AND it's genetic. it ultimately comes down to each individual person, i think. some disabled or sick people want cures, others don't. some want children, some don't. because each person is different, what each person wants for their future or even in the media they consume is different as well.

your first question reminds me of yuka, actually, whose dream was to start a family and live a happy life. when she finds out her baby has an alice, she tries to steal it because she wants mikan to have a good life, and not suffer as she had, until kaoru stops her. it's definitely a valid concern, but i don't know how natsume or mikan feel about it in terms of having their own kid. personally im still not sure how the academy has actually changed since mikan left. we don't really get much of a breakdown. that being said, even though mikan said "i trust narumi-sensei" and that she didnt regret coming to the academy in kageki, im pretty certain that if they did become parents, they definitely wouldnt want their kid taken away from them.

which would mean the academy would have to change fundamentally to allow BOTH 1. parents to decline sending their kids to alice academy without being ceaselessly harassed and scouted AND 2. parents who do choose to send their kids to alice academy to get full visiting and contacting privileges WHICH SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING?? if a mom hears her son is crying himself to sleep bc he misses her, she should be allowed to call him or visit or send him a care package. (you know. how normal boarding schools work.)

maybe if the school changed in this way (and hey, maybe it did), then i could see natsume and mikan feeling a bit better about having a kid.

the next point, about natsume's alice shape being genetic... yeah its pretty rough. natsume the martyr, who always thinks of others, would never EVER have kids if he thought there was even a chance his child might suffer like he did.

so i guess my answer is... depending on what you want to believe happens after the ending, natsume and mikan MIGHT have kids and they MIGHT not. it entirely depends on what developments take place. ppl have been coming up w headcanons for their future even before the manga ended, anything from completely ignoring natsumes alice shape to having mikan and their potential kids visit his grave (not my favorite premise tbh).

ig my idea of natsume having his alice shape "cured" or undone or whatever comes from wanting one of my favorite characters to live a long happy life. its not specifically for the outcome of children or anything like that. its just worth noting that the academy is also a research institute, that there's healing alices in this world, and that you can make up whatever you want bc its a fantasy setting where ppl have magical powers and are able to undo death. (yes this is me justifying my staunch belief that natsume doesnt die in his early twenties.)

personally, i dont mind them having kids. its not rly something focal to me bc theres so much else going on in the story and with their characters for me to think about that the idea of kids is so far away. still, sometimes i like reading a lil fic about them having a kid, canon or au. its kinda cute. i also kinda like it in that if i believe they could have kids, that means that natsume MUST live and his alice must no longer be an issue (bc like we both agree on, natsume simply would not have kids if he thought the child could inherit his alice shape). in my head, i kinda always assumed they would? its made possible by my delusions. if you read the questions post i linked up there, i said "it's non-negotiable" but that was mainly in regards to higuchi maintaining in the memorial book that natsume wouldnt live a very long life. again, natsume WOULDN'T have kids if he knew they had a chance of suffering like he did, so that means if he ever DID have kids, then that chance must no longer exist. idk if that makes sense.

again, im really actually not an expert. i would even say "i didnt create these characters" except that that would mean higuchi's say should be final and i dont want her say to be final. really, its a fictional world w fictional characters. so if u wanna be delusional like me and find it difficult to see higuchi's ending without saying "but thats not what it looks like to ME," then go for it! we can be happy together. but also if these aspects of natsume and mikan and the academy feel inseparable from your own beliefs of the story, then thats fine too. honestly theres rly no right or wrong answer when it comes to post-ending headcanon. ppl can disagree. dont take me saying "i want natsume to have kids so he can spite higuchi" or whatever as a way of judging or disapproving of the headcanon that he wouldnt have kids. its a plausible outcome that he wouldn't. i just feel like i need to say that bc my opinion doesnt rly weigh more than anybody else's

i must say though: thank you for sending this ask. i have been having a rough day and coming home to answer this took my mind off the whole situation and made me feel so much better <3 thank you

[bitbrumal]

                                                                   HEADCANON                ↤   khioniya | tsaritsa   ::   OG CONCEPT  ↩

❖  i always started out with one of her reasons for distance from her ppl being she's incapable of choosing her own goals over their happiness if she lets herself get close at all—so she doesn't. she’s commonly in a form of stasis, at the heart of zapolyarny palace: a permanent fixture on the throne. it’s why i refer to her as statuesque & still ( & dusty lol. literally ). while aware, she chooses to be aware not through personal interactions but through her element. it numbs her just enough to keep making the hard choices. an estrangement by fixating on the eternity of the ice & the flickering moments that frolic across it. things die. when she watches from afar, the grief over their momentary loss is a lit match in her being—instead of cause for hysteria.

           she is traumatised & triggered by loss.            lacking mental healthcare, she still does know this.                managing the symptoms = keeping her distance.

                  she understands the trolley problem, but she is so fragile in some ways. a virtue so intense it passes into being a vice: if it’s hurting in front of her & hers, she cannot but do all that can be done to protect it. because someone should. add to that the screaming hysteria of a mind still controlled by past powerlessness... one day i’ll write down how she came to be lol but i’m going with the idea of making her someone who was human & ascended to godhood, which has thoroughly acquainted her with having no option to protect anything - only to endure, & watch others try- & fail -to do the same.

also toying with the whole ‘frozen/stuck in time’ theme because... khioniya vc: & i will simply not let myself move on c: i will honour every cause for sorrow i’ve ever witnessed when all i could do for it is feel—but this is not a conscious consideration. immortality might make one a little... clicks tongue. stagnant? stuck? no... it’s that if you know you will outlive most any changes, there is a point to be made for not changing along.

i think zhongli is a beautiful contrast to that, in that he remains involved with liyue’s evolving culture & so gets to continue to experience new things / stay alive in a shifting landscape while also in touch with the constancy of what lies beneath it. to not get complacent & stagnant. i can imagine an immortal’s life just passing much slower unless they interact with the things that are more fast-paced. preferences would be different for each person of course.

& since khioniya has been given such cause- & such an option -to numb herself, freeze her emotions that they cannot bite into her any more except by making her more numb to them... feeling so deeply & intensely, & having been caused such emotional trauma that the aftershocks just won’t quit-               & a lack of awareness of mental healthcare lmao— AND knowing she’s sacrificing her current nation for the sake of a potential peaceful future for some evolved version of it, or even one utterly separate from it—

yeah she’s staying numb. oh & THEN even if successful, finally to be in a position to mourn the staggering amount of sacrifices that had to be made to accomplish victory in war against celestia? hm! staying numb for millennia to come! if she doesn’t just crack & erode lol~

❖  harmburgers are people she allows herself to get attached to what with their increased resistance to death & various. mainly just bc she’s a) not gonna make it without allowing this ( which is part of why she’s so serene re: conflicting personalities. who cares? she’s dying of starvation. she’ll love. there is one thing she’s never capable of not doing ). b) bc well they ARE the biggest threats to. everything. lol. gotta stay on top of those at least-                 MAKE NO MISTAKE: this sense of connection, responsibility, & a nurturing type of care—does not mean they get along with each other!

[ enter childe = enter complication. ] [ enter la signora = enter complication. ] because they do share at least part of her vision. khioniya keeps the internal conflict to herself.

—but that’s not even the point of this complicated dance with an assortment of monsters. she is just, terminally incapable of not giving a fuck, of not feeling, & of not needing to do so. her harmburgers won’t make her stray from the ultimate goal of sacrificing whatever it takes to bring down celestia & let society develop anew—b e c a u s e they’re the shitbags who are ideologically the antithesis to her feelsy bullshit.                   the need to compensate for this inability to be indifferent, to do & keep doing what it takes to get something done. she understands the trolley problem, but at every moment- let alone each overt step -along the way to sacrificing those present before her for the chance at those that could come after them... every moment is one where all the considerations plague her. there’s too much space in her head not to fill it with all that. the amount of MENTAL PREPARATION required for her to act & follow through is, a lot. this goes for something like using orphans & turning them into soldiers: every moment she knows she could stop that. she could. & she doesn’t. & it fills her head with hell despite how pointless that is. she’s logical enough that the trolley problem motivates her. but also cripplingly sentimental.

          different moods make the choice easier. there’s a lot of rage in there, too. there is bloodlust. there is fury for the fact that human nature allows heinous things- & allows that ever-present apathy she cannot truly wrap her mind around. it’s scary. sometimes the sacrifices hurt in front of her & it only makes the trolley issue easier to tackle. other times it shuts her down completely.

pierro & his organisation are allowed to rule these efforts of world domination for she cannot follow through. in stops & starts, yes- but momentum must be built up to accomplish a feat like this. over recent centuries, she’s grown accustomed to it more. there is momentum built up in one’s coping with trauma as well: the more hell she allows freely despite possessing the power to stop it----well. the more important it is to follow through. the more unhinged she is in battle. the more genuinely she laughs along with her harmburgers.                     she never forgets herself,          but she’s never been a pacifist: violence begets the need for violence; to harm is to call for protection. she’s gotten to a point where some days, everything that dies & perverts by her tacit orders feels like progress. ( it is. ) where someone else’s blood in her mouth can be that of her soldier or that soldier’s enemy—each taste just as good.

she won’t forget what she’s fighting for anytime soon, but man... she’s getting fucked in the head. on a god’s timescale, it’s not far off.

[themomsandthecity]

Dominican Author Elizabeth Acevedo's New Novel "Family Lore" Explores Love and Grief

Image Source: Denzel Golatt New York Times bestselling author Elizabeth Acevedo, known for her award-winning YA novels, recently published her first novel for adults. "Family Lore," and its Spanish translation, "Sabiduría Familiar," is a magical intergenerational tale loosely inspired by Acevedo's mother and tías that touches on family, love, and grief. Related: Julissa Calderon Launched the Second Edition of Her Dream and Manifest Journal Collection The novel features multiple points of view from members of the Marte family. There's Ona, who possesses a magical alpha vagina but can't seem to bear children. Pastora is the reader of people's truths who desperately wants to solve her siblings' problems. Matilde is kindness incarnate but has spent her entire marriage covering up her husband's infidelity. Flor is the seer who can predict when someone will die; she suddenly decides to host a living wake for herself and refuses to tell her sisters - Matilde, Pastora, and Camila - the motive behind the unexpected celebration. Something awakens among the women, and spanning the three days prior to the wake, the Marte family unravel secrets from the past and present, face undeniable truths, and reckon with trauma and shame, all while navigating grief and loss. POPSUGAR caught up with Acevedo to discuss her new novel, which centers a Dominican American family through the voices of the Marte women. This poignant novel is unlike anything you've read this year, as it is equal parts harrowing and laugh-out-loud funny. Image Source: HarperCollins Publishers POPSUGAR: Why did you decide to write a novel for adults? Elizabeth Acevedo: I think the impetus for an adult novel was less of my making a decision to write for adults, and more that the story made it very clear that I would be stretching in terms of language and content. And the audience would need to have a certain level of experience to bring to the text. It's also going to be published in Spanish. What's the importance of telling our stories in dual language? Especially when we don't get to see many of our stories translated. Writing intergenerational stories is so important to me, and I think having my work translated allows for those stories to be read intergenerationally by a larger audience of people. I love picturing nieces and aunts, mothers, daughters, and cousins who wield different languages on a daily basis, sitting around discussing this book bilingually. PS: What was it like fictionalizing your family's history? What research did you do? Who from your life inspired some of these characters? EA: I would say that some of the text is taken from family history and fictionalized, but the majority of the novel is wholly imagined. The only person I actively interviewed was my mother. I did take a research trip to the Dominican Republic with my mother and two of her sisters. We traveled to the rural township where they'd been born and raised. Listening and watching them on that trip was so helpful as I worked on the cadence, energy, and verve of writing the Marte women. PS: On "Good Morning America," you mentioned that you write to interrogate love - "love as a practice, and not love as a feeling," and I love that. What is your practice for love? How has it changed, if at all, with you now as a mother? How do you practice self-love, and how are you juggling and prioritizing motherhood and writing? EA: A lot of my scholarship on love has been through reading bell hooks and her contemporaries. It's made me reimagine how one loves themselves and how care and love are often conflated. I practice self-love by allowing a lot of grace. Something I struggled to do for a long time. Motherhood has taught me I literally cannot be everything for everyone. I can only do my best, ask for help, sleep the few hours the baby lets me sleep, and wake up the next day to try again. When the baby was first born I set aside four… https://www.popsugar.com/family/elizabeth-acevedo-family-lore-explores-grief-49318696?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[maraelia]

[completeoveranalysis]

[4]

Ok (a) Mokona crying is still like an icicle in my soul each and every time and I don’t know how anyone can stand this

IMAGINE HEARING MOKONA CRYING IN THE OVA?

I cannot believe I’m going to have to hear this with my own two ears in the near future. I don’t know if I’m strong enough. 

BUT ALSO (b) The EYE is such an interesting feature to zoom on for a reaction shot here at the end. Especially coloured the way it is. It stands out. 

On one hand it reminds you that this is a different Syaoran (who even has different eyes now) while also deliberately provoking their connection at the same time, since they WERE literally connected through their eyes before this. And correct me if I’m misremembering this, but the eye we zoom in on is not the eye that Syaoran shared with him. This is Lava Lamp’s own original eye that he kept the entire time, that’s purely associated with him, while we consider his feelings and perspective on all the events that have preceded this moment. It’s a shot very loaded with meaning and ties so strongly to what Mokona is saying, about how Lava Lamp would have loved to have the chance to be friends with Syaoran and never had the chance to even meet him before his soul was destroyed.

It’s a very interesting type of grief to explore - that Lava Lamp knew Syaoran very well, he saw his entire existence, grew alongside him, felt everything he felt, and yet he never MET him. And Syaoran never met Lava Lamp either, or ever learned who he was or how much Lava Lamp cared for him and hoped for him to be his own person. They were so intrinsically built as opposite sides of the same existence (you could even say, two separate sides of the same yin-yang symbol), that they could not exist separately, and as soon as Lava Lamp woke up it was all over for Syaoran. 

It’s a different kind of loss than everyone else in the cast is feeling, but one that is still very deep and meaningful in ways that are hard to even comprehend - but Mokona gets it! Because Mokona gets everything, and she’s here for him when no-one else can be. 

(And also? If I’m letting the thoughts run a little too long? It edges very slightly into the conspiracy zone too. Just a little bit. Like yes, of course Lava Lamp has a deep connection to Syaoran since they lived alongside each other for so long, and came from the same soul. And yet. And yet. Does Lava Lamp know Syaoran from somewhere else, and that’s why the reaction show of his eye is so strong here? Does he maybe know the future? Or know him from the future? Maybe??)

[thefanficmonster]

Innocent Life

Ethan Winters (Resident Evil Biohazard) & Child!Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Death, Grief, Spoilers for RE8:Village, Swearing

Genre: Angst

Summary: As Ethan stands outside the ruins of Luiza’s house, looking the aftermath of the death he barely escaped in the eye, he cannot get the wails and cries of a child out of his head. Takes him a bit to realize they’re not a product of his trauma.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for the wonderful request, I had a blast writing it - what can I say, angst is my specialty hehe. Hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

How the hell is this happening? Why is this happening? Why to me? Why my family? Why were we the ones chosen for this suffering to be thrown upon? What did my daughter do to deserve this, for fuck’s sake?!

Why does everyone around me die? Why do I always loose everyone?

I’m the problem....

His knees are weak, his head’s spinning. His lungs have filled with smoke and ash so much he can barely breathe. His eyes sting, reddened around the edges, his vision blurry. However, what bothers him most is the mess that is currently his mind - swimming with the feeling of betrayal, sorrow and dread.

He lost so much so suddenly and in such a short amount of time. He lost Chris - someone he thought of as a friend but has now been replaced by a coldblooded killer and backstabber. He refuses to believe that’s still the Chris who saved him and Mia from Louisiana, he has to be dead.

Mia....

He lost Mia. He’s lost her before countless times - he lost her when he though she was dead, he kept losing her and getting her back at the Bakers’ residence as she switched between her monstrous form and being herself. He lost her again when they made it back, when her mind was clouded and darkened, when all she needed was solitude and when he wasn’t allowed anywhere near her as doctors upon doctors used her as a research object. And now he’s lost her again, this time for good. It’s just him and Rose now.

Or it would be if she too wasn’t taken from him, leaving him in the pit of grief and loss, both emotions at an intensity he’s never experienced before. Like a drill going through his heart, or a sledgehammer breaking it down to shards. Or as though his heart’s completely vanished, unable to take the anguish Ethan’s existence has become. The anguish that will live on for as long as he will.

Those three years of Mia being gone.

That nightmarish night back in Louisiana.

The horrific sight of dozens of bullets entering his wife’s body in front of his very eyes as he remained helpless.

The sound of Rose’s wailing cries.

God, he can still hear them. And oh so vividly. Like a cursed, haunting loop in his brain. If he closes his eyes he can almost imagine her being a few feet from him, near him, giving him the opportunity to soothe her, calm her down, tell her it’s all gonna be ok even if it seems like hell at the moment. Promising he’d make it all alright and make the right people pay for what’s happened.

But then finally, he picks up on it - the oddity in the cries he’s hearing.

They’re too realistic for a mind to be able to produce. They’re too loud and too close and are external. And, most importantly, they sound like the cries of an older child.

Ethan quickly snaps himself back to reality, coming to terms with the knowledge that the sounds he’s hearing are a part of it and not some dark corner of his mind. Despite the horror he feels and creep up, taking over his whole body in the form of cold sweat, he still takes a step towards the source of the ear-splitting and heart-sinking noise. It’s instinctively human to feel a sickening feeling of sympathy combined with the need to shield something so powerless from any harm.

To save an innocent life.

Heading towards the side of what used to be Luiza’s house he spots it - a crib on top of which there’s a pile of rubble and wooden planks. The thing seems to barely be standing and yet it’s harboring the child whose cries have now grown louder. Ethan’s frozen for a few moments, frozen with fear. Frozen with the overwhelming thought that there’s no way he can save that child. Frozen and powerless, just like he was on the floor of his own home as life left Mia’s body.

You didn’t do anything for her....

The sound of a crack in the already weak wood, seemingly coming from the child’s crib, sends all his senses on edge, his adrenaline once again starting to rush through his veins.

But you can do something for that child, Ethan! Do something before it’s too late!

Within the blink of an eye, Ethan finds himself standing above the unsteady wooden structure, putting all his strength into removing the rubble that has thankfully piled atop the wooden planks, preventing anything from landing on the baby and harming it. Hell, it’s a miracle it didn’t suffocate from the smoke in the first place. Its cries are put to a halt when its wide eyes land on Ethan, who’s looking back at the toddler with the same amount of distress.

“Hi there. It’s ok, you’re safe now.“ He finds himself breathing out shakily as his trembling hands reach down, picking up the now silent toddler. “It’s ok, little one. You’re a literal miracle, you know that?“ His gaze travels over the ruin the house has become, the house that was this child’s home. Its family’s home. This toddler knows loss much like Ethan does, or it will when it grows up. But as of now, it’s secured in the bubble of blissful ignorance due to infancy.

And Ethan has come across yet another bump in the road: making his way in the castle was already gonna be a difficult and possibly lethal venture, but doing it with a child in his arms, that’s a death sentence for both him and the kid.

“You and I have a thing for surviving hell, but not even I am willing to take the risk of taking you with me, kid.“ He gently caresses the toddlers head as its big awed eyes blink up at him with curiosity.

One one hand, a castle with horrors he’s yet to be familiar with; on the other, a village which’s horrors he’s already seen and experienced and would rather die right in this very spot than subject this innocent kid to them.

Ethan’s once again stranded.

“What do I do with you, kid? Being with me won’t bring you any good. I’m like a death sentence to everyone around me.“ His heart breaks as he says that because - in his mind and by his logic - it’s the truth. It’s the only thing that makes sense in such a nonsensical situation.

Then suddenly, an idea sparks, fueling what little hope and courage he has left and getting his legs to move from the spot they’ve been stuck in for the past God knows how long. That’s not important right now. What matters is that, for the first time since this nightmare started, Ethan Winters has a clue of what he’s doing. He’s got a plan.

                                                                *  *  *

“I see you have returned!“ The Duke greets him with his signature lazy smile before his gaze lands on the child in Ethan’s arms, his eyes widening in surprise, “Oh, and you’ve got company!“

“Actually...“ Ethan stops in front of the shop, adjusting his grip on the kid, “They’ll be keeping you company from now until....well, until I come back.“

“And where is it you’re planning on going?“ The Duke asks, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern, “Perhaps you don’t suppose I know how to take care of a child.“

Ethan grows irritated, “Perhaps you don’t suppose I’m gonna take a kid into that castle you called me insane for wanting to go in myself. Trust me, I wouldn’t be leaving them with you if it wasn’t my only choice.” When he doesn’t receive a verbal response from the Duke, more of an expression change that suggested he’s accepting of this, Ethan grow relieved, turning to the toddler that hasn’t taken its eyes off him even for a second. “Hey, you’re gonna be just alright with the big guy, ok? He’s gonna keep you safe until I come back.” His initial intention was to say ‘even if I don’t come back’ but he just couldn’t bring himself to say it, not to the kid at least, “Until then...” He pauses when a name automatically pops up in his head, “Until then, Y/N, you’ll stay here with the Duke.”

After that heavy-hearted goodbye, Ethan reluctantly hands the kid - Y/N - over to the Duke, a shift they are not very happy about seeing as how they start wailing immediately.

“You owe me plenty, Mr. Winters.“ The Duke says with a frown on his face, displeased and already developing a headache from the child’s cries.

“I owe you nothing. What you’re doing is basic human decency.“ Ethan glares at him before turning his attention to Y/N, “Hey, it’s alright. I know you two aren’t big fans of one another, but I promise I won’t take long. I’ll be back before you know it.“ Planting a quick reassuring kiss on top of the child’s head, he steps away, relieved to find they don’t break out in a crying fit again.

With that peace of mind, he takes off on the path that’ll lead him to the castle. A part of him has found some peace, knowing that one innocent life has been saved.  However, there’s still one awaiting rescue. And he’ll be damned if he’s not the rescuer.