#I like to think he's just super uncomfortable with talking to Angel in any capacity

[sunnwalker]

Character sheet 2 of 3

I redid it so it looks wayyy better, and I gave him a different jacket. Mostly because I didn't think the shapes of his and Vaughn's sleeves needed to be so similar.

[obeymeluv]

Cute + Awkward Headcanons (SFW/NSFW)

Trying to turn a bad day around, so I thought of these

Lucifer

Sometimes you can’t tell if he’s giving you bedroom eyes or if he’s actually angry. Lucifer has spent THOUSANDS of years glaring at his brothers and doesn’t know if he’s just staring or glaring

I think he’s super out of practice with romance so he’s hella awkward but when he gets that first positive sign that you’re into him, the charm and pride wakes up and suddenly he’s smooth AF

Flirts so formally he misses his shot 8/10 times

Has a habit of trying to police you like one of his brothers and it’s a knee-jerk, 1000+ year reaction to looking after 6 man-children of various difficulties. Always owns up and apologizes

Has accidentally almost made you pass out from kissing too long. Forgets you don’t have the same lung capacity

BRUISES YOU TO HELL! FORGETS SO MUCH! FEELS SO BAD!

That’s why he has the gloves, to soften his grip because he was one of the strongest in the Celestial Realm and that translates to power in the Devildom

Only complains to you about his back pain from long nights burning the candle at both ends. You find it cute and sad at the same time

Is probably physically very heavy given his stature and the weight of his wings, so if he falls asleep on you, you’re trapped

Rare midnight snack dates when he MUST finish papers by the deadline.

You may or may not have had a Demonus date in his study when a particularly bad batch of paperwork was finally done

You’ve probably cracked at least one (1) antique wood chair

Quickly learned he CANNOT spank you because that shit seriously bruised your ass. You either need a strengthening charm or he has to re-learn how to use his strength around people

That caused one awkward visit to the infirmary because you didn’t know if you were just sore, pinched, dislocated, or cracked. Turns out you were fine. There was no mistaking that hand print, though

It was the second time he’d apologized so profusely in his life. There was no pride left in this man.

You had a special cushion to ease the pain and it looked top of the line (hella fancy. Could probably resell it as fake Gucci in the human world.)

Lucifer gives me big dom vibes and orgasm denial/over-stimulation kink because of his pride basically demanding you beg for him. You passed out at least once from over-stimulation.

When you first start dating he wouldn’t want to own up to any awkward boners so if you sit in his lap while he’s taking a paper break, he’ll make every excuse under the sun (”That’s my belt,”, etc.)

Mammon

This boy is nothing but awkward moments, are you kidding me?

It’s a lot of ‘open mouth, insert foot’ because he can’t be upfront with his feelings. It’s partly not wanting to lose any ‘cred’ he has with people, but also because he’s embarrassed and can’t be honest

There’s lots of tracking you down to sort out things you might have overheard (that he didn’t honestly mean if they sounded bad)

Super sentimental about anything to do with you. You once kissed a piece of Grimm as a good luck charm for his exam and he’d kill someone over it. Always has it on him.

This lovable doofus just assumes you’re dating because you’re always together and you’re perfect and he’s your best man so who’s better?!

When you actually ask him out (with something silly, like ‘I think us dating would be pretty cash money’), he’s so confused. (”But we’ve been dating for, like, a month! Right, human?!”)

He talks big but he’s weak. You’ll always be able to fluster him

Wanted to make love to you on some Grimm and quickly realized that it’s uncomfortable. Porn lied to him and the idea’s ruined. You guys cut the session short to find every piece of Grimm so you can actually lay in the bed

 Tends to plunk his head down on your chest and demand scratches/cuddles and has bruised you several times.

Accidentally fought you once or twice for his glasses while half asleep. Levi, Asmo, and Satan used to take them and hide from him

You learned he’s actually hella blind (contacts with non-prescription sunglasses or prescription yellow glasses) and have walked him around the House of Lamentation several times when his glasses went missing

He’ll complain about his brothers having it out for him and getting back at him, but it turns out they just wanted to make an excuse for you guys to hold hands. It’s like a date!

Made you hit your head on the headboard once when he was doing missionary style. Had to stop and check on you, then it got awkward. He cuddled and kissed you the whole time, though. Even got you an ice pack!

The type to flirt with you, try to lean on something, and take himself out on the way down

You’ve had a few of those cliche ‘trip and fell on each other’ moments

Has accidentally swung you into doors and walls trying to scoop you up and run/march out of a room

Levi

This boy is also super awkward

When you’re alone, he’s an absolute sucker for any kind of affection you can give. This boy will literally slither across the floor to make himself comfortable in your lap so he can game.

Pet his hair. He loves that.

Will also have to re-train himself on how to be with you in public. With him, it’s not making fun of a ‘normie’ as much.

Not big on PDA but will definitely hold your hand. How ELSE are people going to know you’re together?!

You get cute matching shirts or jewelry with the ‘Player 1, Player 2′ theme

Does a lot more snake-like things with his tongue. Especially when frustrated. Rub his jaw and chin to see it come out a little bit. It’s like a happy floppy dog tongue, just not as long or wide.

Craves a soft, warm thing to sleep on. You will be his new bed.

The first time you had sex, he broke out his demon form because he looked at you and loved you. He knew he’d get jealous if anyone ever saw you.

Was a little clumsy but determined. Sank in and started going at it, but wanted to look down and watch. He got his horns stuck in your hair and had to stop.

Is #1 fan when you’re naked. (”Ugh. Smother me.”) Boy can’t stand it. He needs it.

Tries to dress a little nicer (even if it’s casual) when you guys go out on dates.

You pack little snack bags when he stands in line for midnight releases and GODDAMN he’s gonna marry you?!

If you’re napping together and someone comes to wake him up or needs you, he just glares at them from underneath you, tail swishing threateningly. No one takes his human, okay?!

He has over-the-ear headphones but I bet he carries earbuds and has probably done that ‘share an earbud’ thing to hold you close and listen to music

Do you need to get up while he’s still sleeping? Untangle yourself and tuck your pillow in his arms. He’ll be fine. Bonus: you get to see the snuggling in action.

Between all the anime and centuries in the Devildom, he’s gotten used to using tails as another way of expression. They act subconsciously based on what the demon’s thinking. He’s surprised both of you several times by accidentally wrapping you up in his tail because he doesn’t want you to leave.

When he gets visibly uncomfortable in social situations, slip him something with your scent on it. It’s comforting. If you make up an excuse to get him out of there (he’s your escort and all), he’s over the moon.

Satan

Had more awkward moments than he’s willing to admit, but he’s more open about them than Lucifer. Basically, if someone guesses it happened, he won’t deny it.

BOY HAS A BOWTIE KINK. PLAY WITH HIS. STEAL ONE AND WEAR IT!

Has probably tripped over books walking you through his room or rushing to answer the door (not that you’d know how happy it makes him).

There’s a 50-50 chance that he’ll steal a glance and act like he didn’t, hiding behind an upside down book or something

Has definitely dropped books on his head after charming them down from the shelf. Your voice just sucks all his concentration up. You get bonus points for checking on him because some of those books are HELLA HEAVY

Say the right thing during a quiet tea session and you might hear him choke

Has probably been outed by one of his friends. Satan always seems to make friends without trying and gets invited to tons of stuff. What didn’t seem like a date turns out to DEFINITELY be a date (according to the friend).

Plan some silly treasure hunt/detective date and this guy is yours for life (especially if you’re the prize at the end).

Isn’t the most upfront about the disdain for his demon form, or how he feels weird about not being a true angel (just an extension of Lucifer), so expect a lot of raw, near-tears conversations in his demon form.

Hold him, run your fingers along the inside of his wings and the tips of his horns and Satan hugs you like there’s no tomorrow. He’ll cry, but he doesn’t regret these tears because they’re healing.

Weak for hand kisses. Smooch them hands.

Not super into PDA, but he’ll do other things to show he cares like carry your books and make sure you know what the weather’s like before you leave

Satan still hasn’t lived down the time Lucifer and the others broke down his door because they smelled blood and thought he’d hurt you. Turns out you guys were having sex and he just bit too hard.

Wouldn’t talk to any of them for a week. He swept you up on an impromptu hotel vacation and you continued to avoid everyone by shopping and eating at cafes.

The type to hold your panties hostage or like a trophy. Gives them back eventually, and enjoys watching Mammon almost have an aneurysm as he tries to figure out why his room smells so strongly of you.

Tea dates, cat cafe dates, and plenty of couple pictures with cat filters. Satan’s Devilgram activity goes up substantially when he’s dating.

You’re not his lock screen, but you’re his background. 

Asmo

When you two start dating Asmo is literally the happiest demon in all of Devildom. Yeah he’s smug and cute like ‘how could they NOT fall for beautiful me?’ but boy is literally so stoked. All of that babble’s just a cover for how sickeningly happy he is

Thinks the world of you.

Wants to spend all his free time with you, be it napping and cuddling, shopping, getting pampered, or just doing your nails.

Now that he has that real, true love he doesn’t want to be without you.

You trend on Devilgram at least once

SO MANY PICTURES

Took you shopping for perfumes and has the tester strip you used to pick your perfume taped to his vanity. Then he can smell it whenever he likes!

Gives you a small thing of his cologne for when you get lonely or want to smell like him

Boy is super, super extra. Probably has matching shirts that say he’s yours and you’re his.

The type to get couple’s pillows, cups, and pajamas. You also get couple’s massages.

If you wear lipstick, he’s definitely made you a custom one at some exclusive-invite Devilgram event. He put your initials on the base of the tube and thinks it’s the cutest damn thing. His pride and joy--it’s basically a child.

There’s no shame in the bedroom with this one. I really doubt he’d have awkward moments because he has a lot of experience and has run into a lot of things that he’s handled one way or another. It’s gentle coaching and some sweet teasing.

The most embarrassing thing he’s ever done is probably moaned/whined at the wrong time. Or said something semi-naughty at a bad time. He’s not easily shamed so that doesn’t really matter, either.

He melts at the gentlest touches and will be SO dramatic about it, like half fainted into his bed.

Is easily hypnotized by jewelry. He’ll massage your ears if you have earrings in, cooing over them and wanting to look at them. If he’s laying on you and you’re wearing a necklace, he plays with it the whole time.

Beel

Smart but distractable. Beel’s love language revolves around protection and food so pack him a lunch for practice or bring him something from a town date with one of the bros and he’s super excited

He means well but forgets his own strength so there’s a lot that can go wrong in the bedroom

Has probably broken his bed several times

Had sex on the kitchen counter and the bros only found out because one of them was setting up dinner prep and one of the legs just gave out

Big, snuggly bear. Best hugs.

Hardest to wake up because he tends to sleep well and easily. It’s a side effect of being connected to Belphie. Will hug you to him and keep snoring. You have to get someone else to wake him up because he’ll just snuggle you the more you move around and talk

I headcanon that Beel does a tongue thing like Levi, mostly because his cardinal sin is gluttony and that helps get the food in his mouth faster. It’s not as slender or serpentine as Levi’s, but it definitely moves.

Has licked you in his sleep as an affectionate thing.

Loves to snuggle into your hair when he sleeps.

Bite mark king. He’s so affectionate and earnest when he makes love that he just ends up leaving all kinds of signs on you--mostly bite marks but when he’s conscious of leaving too many, they turn into hand prints.

Makes the purr sound when he’s inside of you. Purrs very easily.

Most of his awkward moments come from being oblivious. He’s the kind of guy you have to out-and-out tell you’re flirting with him, that you like him and want to date him.

Beel’s also very shy with flirting. He thinks you’ll just understand that he’s flirting when he shares food or wants to hug, or just anything. It can be missed because he’s generally chill and friendly.

Was royally embarrassed by Asmo (on accident) when he didn’t eat as much at dinner one night and you were ‘too tired’ to come down. Beel went to carry your food up and Asmo somehow found out he’d eaten you out right before. He was filled up on the human energy and you couldn’t walk to come down.

If you ride his face, grab his horns to hold on. It does something for him and his hands go crazy and he really eats.

Scratch his back and he’ll be your forever heater.

His PDA is carrying you because why not? It’s a workout AND you’re close. It makes him give that big, nice smile.

Belphie

The biggest issue is that he falls asleep on you all the time. He doesn’t mean to but he’s TIRED, okay?

Has a name for the cow pillow. Calls it ‘my moo.’ You are one of seven people that know that. Apparently it’s been a thing since he was little.

Has accidentally called you ‘my moo’ when he’s sleep delirious. It means you’re highly thought of. Beel used to be his moo, too, and now he’s been replaced.

This sloth will smother you. He’s like a koala that demands total contact to sleep

Gives you back rubs and massages. Sometimes he stays awake through them, sometimes you get sleepy and that makes him sleepy so he ends up falling asleep on your back.

Not big on PDA, but his version of caring for you is making sure you’re not bothered by annoying people. Wants you to sit with him at lunch though, and he’ll sulk if you don’t.

His favorite kind of dates are where you stockpile food and drink in the room and just feed each other while lounging in cozy blankets

If you make him any kind of pillow or blanket for a birthday, it’s at the top of his collection. Everyone will see it when they walk into his room.

You’ll plan dates in the star room where he just holds you and points out constellations until you fall asleep. Knows a lot of the mythology/stories behind them and shares that.

No matter the size, Belphie likes to cuddle between your boobs. He says it’s for your heartbeat and that they’re comfy like pillows. His tail wags like crazy when he does this.

Also big on physical contact due to his time in the attic. You just have to be alone.

Brush and play with his hair. That’s what he likes most.

Just hold this boy, okay? He needs it.

If you guys are trying to nap and the other brothers are being noisy, he’ll do the demon scream thing to tell them to shut the hell up. He’s an absolute angel to you though. You’re tired too, he knows.

If you get a little purple streak or something in your hair, he’s smitten.

Get him a kanigiri and the boy is super stoked. He’ll wear it all around the House of Lamentation. Bonus points if it has a hoodie or something he can throw up to annoy Lucifer.

Might get you a little stuffed cow toy so you have something to hug if you have to go away or can’t be with him.

The type to be restless if he can’t sleep with you. Will come to your room in the dead of night and ask to snuggle. It’s the only time he’s nice about it (and vulnerable), so say yes.

You get to be a human body pillow. He loves it very much.

[bunnis-babes]

#38 for the end of the year ask thing, please! Also, would you be cool with writing boyfriend headcanons for Daichi and Tendou? If not, that’s totally fine lmao. Thank you in advance:) have a great day, I love your work!

Daichi and Tendou General Relationship Headcanons

So I’m still working hard on those raffle winners things, but I need to take a break for a bit because I’m a little burnt out right now. I’ve been not great like emotionally and I’m not about to bother anyone with that so I gotta power through! Anyway, thank you for requesting and I’m glad you like my stuff, I hope this was worth the wait lovie! ❤️

Daichi

🦵🏻This fucking M A N, okay he is going to treat you so damn right.

🦵🏻He’s a very respectful person first and foremost, so he always takes into account how you feel about things before he does anything.

🦵🏻Your comfort and happiness is his top priority, and he will do anything to maintain a smile on your face.

🦵🏻However, he himself kind of sucks at communicating and properly displaying his emotions to you. He’s new to this whole relationship thing, and he might need a bit of hand holding.

🦵🏻Speaking offffff, he’s not like big into PDA. He isn’t opposed to it, but he definitely isn’t going to initiate it very often.

🦵🏻The most HE will do is hold your hand or give you forehead smooches, but he’ll happily go along with anything you initiate as well.

🦵🏻Behind closed doors he’s a huge teddy bear, he loves to hold you and be held by you as much as humanly possible.

🦵🏻He’s more of the type to show his affections through actions like getting your favorite food for you for lunch on some days, or lending you his jacket occasionally. Little things to show he cares.

🦵🏻He definitely is one of those guys who either has to have eyes on you or be touching you in some capacity out in public. It makes him feel secure to know he can see that you’re safe.

🦵🏻He’s not a super jealous guy either, just extremely protective. Like you can hang out with any person you want, but the second they make advances on you/make you uncomfortable you know he’s going to be right there to step in if you need him.

🦵🏻You are not spared from his dadding either, actually, he tends to lecture you a lot more on things because he’s so concerned about you all the time.

🦵🏻He just wants you to be happy okay…

🦵🏻He also can tend to overwork himself, so he isn’t really one to talk all that much. Because of this, the two of you have designated ‘couple rest days’ where both of you just lie around and be useless all day.

🦵🏻His hands are very calloused and yet they are very sensitive!!! He likes it a lot when you give him little smooches on his hands!!! It makes him a very happy Daichi!!!

🦵🏻Dates with him a very simple, as he is a simple broke high schooler, let him be.

🦵🏻Most of them consist of the two of you grabbing something to eat at a cafe or shopping for something together.

🦵🏻Also, idc, y’all have cooking dates where you teach each other how to make things and 9/10 both of you end up covered in flour.

🦵🏻Like I said, he doesn’t have a whole lot of money, but he does like to buy you something nice every once in a while. Maybe a new bracelet or a cute thing that reminded him of you.

🦵🏻You’ve got a lot of assorted gifts scattered across your shelves that he’s given you bc he’s precious and can’t help but buy everything he thinks you’ll like.

🦵🏻He’s not super creative with nicknames, preferring to stick with babe or baby or a variation of you name.

🦵🏻All around he’s a big sweetie who wants to give you the world.

Tendou

👹This RAT right here is the simultaneously the worst and the best boyfriend you could ever ask for.

👹First and foremost he is a tease, and he is relentless about it.

👹He thinks you’re just too cute when you’re flustered, he just can’t resist teasing you.

👹Though he’s the only one who can tease you the way he does, like sure other friends can poke fun at you, but he’s the only one who can tease you.

👹Despite his relentlessness on teasing, he’s super in tune to your emotions and knows when to back down and stop before it actually hurts you.

👹Still he’s not great at communicating his own emotions, but he puts in a huge effort in your relationship to be more open because he really cares even if he’s a little shit.

👹He’s your little shit.

👹You guessed it, guess monster here is a huge fan of PDA of any and all kinds — more specifically the kinds that annoy and inconvenience other people.

👹Like he will make out with you in the middle of shiratorizawa’s hallways and then smirk when he gets reprimanded by someone — probably semi or a teacher.

👹Gives you his jersey before games and always give you looks during the game and is just all around obvious about you being with him.

👹Please do that stereotypical launching yourself into his arms after he wins, he’ll give you so much shit but he totally openly loves it too.

👹SO uh, he’s a pretty possessive guy, which stems from his insecurities about his looks and personality being a bit too wild for you.

👹He knows you could do so much better, and his swears on his life he is not going to loose this chance he was given by whatever god is out there.

👹So most of the time when you’re around him he’s got a hand on you or is all over you, and even when he isn’t even near you he’s got something to show exactly who you’re dating.

👹His jacket, a hoodie or shirt, something a little more permanent on your neck maybe??? Who knows, so long as it gets the job done.

👹Luckily for him most people are pretty put off by him and don’t even attempt to flirt with you.

👹You know how his fingies are all bandaged and stuff, he likes it when you wrap them up and give his finger tips kisses before games. It makes his feel invincible.

👹Dates are a bit more extravagant with him, as he has more money to spend on you and having fun.

👹His favorites are arcades where the two of you mess around and try to beat the high scores on any of the games, or amusement parks where he sees you let loose and have fun.

👹Also, sidetone, he’s got a weird affinity for winning those rigged carnival games. You always go home with at least two giant stuffed animals he won for you.

👹He doesn’t actually get you gifts often, with most of the ones he does get you being candy or manga he want’s you to/you want to read.

👹His nicknames for you are just about anything he can think of, but his personal favorites are: angel, princess, sweet eternal goddess of his heart.

👹The last one is said mostly in jest… mostly.

👹Overall he’s still a big goofball, but now he just kind of loves you a lot. So yeah.

A/N: It is 3am at time of my finishing this. I’m in my feels, I want to get in contact with an old friend but I don’t want to bother her. Also I really love Tendou so fucking much, and I just am all around loosing my damn mind. Hope y’all don’t mind! Also, after doing a once over of this, why was I so infatuated with giving hands kissed?

[spacemilkies]

and the times keep turning

summary: 

by the age of thirteen, ben learned to stop asking for things he wasn’t going to get

until he met you

word count: 8k+

a/n: I figured I’d just go for the full AU. Still a bit of canon angst but we’re in this for the fluff(ish)

Ben tells himself that he isn’t staring (even with Klaus snickering to his right). But he’s too fixated to bring up a complaint. So he raises a hand, wrist still angry red and marked with a curse shining fresh, under the dull light of the dingy donut cafe in dismissal. It would be so easy to walk over. For once, he’s not crowded in the center of the booth and free to move independently. Naturally, he won’t though. Even when the universe is working against his decision. The restaurant feels less ventilated than it ever has. Even with the help of inconsistent opening and closing of the entry door. The air feels humid and hot, the overall discomfort of it all creeping under his clothing like an itch. He knows he looks ridiculous, jaw slack and accompanied by a wide look of wonderment. He certainly knows he feels like it, the tempo of his heart beating against his chest rattling his bones. It’s so simple. Even when his conscious insists that it’s not. All because it’s you. 

 You’re with a friend.  Just one.  But he can tell you’re close from the way the two of you lean in together. Sharing laughter and smiles. If he had the capacity to feel any other emotion than infatuation, he might have felt envy. Not just because your friend was so near to you. But because of the obvious relationship the two of you shared. Friendship was still a foreign concept to all of them. He’d like to have friends. Maybe one day. After you. Klaus is back again and Ben barely registers the weight of his arm on his shoulder. Yeah, he might look like a creep. But he’s been a freak all his life, whats one more title. Klaus is close. So close Ben vibrates as he pipes up in his ear. “She’s cute.” And Ben wants to scoff. Argue. Come to your defense in anyway he can. Because you’re not just cute. You’re beautiful. Amazing. Ethereal. (yes he knows what that means. He read about it once.) Everything he wants, even though he doesn’t quite comprehend any of those words to their greatest extent. Though he’s certain you’d blow them all out of the water. “You should talk to her.” Ben is happy that Klaus is adopting a softer tone for once. He doesn’t need his theatrics drawing any attention to himself. “No.” “Why not?” “No, Klaus.” “She can’t be worse than the monsters you’ve seen.” It comes as a joke. But Klaus is so right. So so right. Ben is the monster. And monsters never get the princess in the happy ever after. “Oh, does Benny have a crush?” Five’s voice is chased by a sharp jab to his side. With a little less training, Ben might have doubled over. He still might as the rest of his siblings chime in as they catch on. “Who is it?” “Ben has a crush?” “That’s so cute.” “Father would never approve.” Father would never approve of your love for Allison, Ben wants to quip back. But then he thinks, maybe he would? Being grandfather of super babies might even get the old man to smile. Diego managed to make it around the table before Ben could catch up with his movements, throwing an arm around his neck and dragging him out of his seat. The little restaurant is never very packed, so its easy to draw the attention of the room. For now he’s safe though. A booth of rambunctious thirteen year olds draws more shakes of the head than shows of concern. Ben thinks he sees your gaze dart over briefly. “Bro …you hav-” Diego slips up briefly but manages to carry though with determination. “Go. Don’t be the last one waiting for your first kiss.” Ben blinks, before squinting at the challenge. As far as he knew, they were all of equal standing. “Guys, just stop. Please.” It’s a futile attempt. They continue egging him on, somehow bringing even Vanya into the mix. They get louder until Ben finds himself pressured out of premature mortification than anything else. They send him off with a cheer and he deems them all assholes. You don’t see him coming, but your friend does. They seem attentive in a way that Ben thinks they caught on a long time ago. Ben swallows thickly ready to embarrass himself and move on but they beat him to it. “Aren’t you from that academy ? Umbrella or something ?” Ben’s first instinct is to shield his tattoo. A modern day taboo on a child his age. But he’s too late because now you’ve seen it too now. Twisting in your seat, he finally sees more than a glimpse. In actuality, you’re not perfect. Up close you’re human. There is no celestial light or singling angels. But you do have an adorable button nose and dimples poking at your cheeks. You smile. And he mirrors it with a level of ease he’s never attempted. “Hey, dude- did you hear me?” He does. But now you’re opening your mouth to speak and he could care less about anyone else.  Your voice is an addictive timber as your eyes dart down to inspect his covered wrist. Recognition ages slowly on your features as you come to terms with everything. “You all were at that fire a few weeks ago.” Ben remembers it. Much more vividly because he had little to do with that day and he’s glad it’s your first recollection. You don’t remember him as the monster who easily tore men to shreds. You probably barely recalled his presence but that’s okay. It was a fresher start than he was expecting. “Uh, yeah sometimes we save people?” It sounds cheesy but you laugh and suddenly he understands the meaning of butterflies. You thank him even though you were no where in the vicinity and knew no one from the tragedy. He accepts your invitation to sit even when you both know he didn’t come alone. But he doesn’t care. You ask questions. A lot of them actually but they’re good ones. You ask about his favorite color. If he has any pets. What he thinks about 7th grade math. Later, you walk away knowing more than he’s told anyone ever. But he knows your name. And a chance to see you again. And he feels like the winner. 

It had taken three tries to successfully meet up for a proper meet up (a date). That fateful night had been a casual occurrence for the Umbrella Academy, but for you and your friend it had been a stretch on your own curfew.

At the age of thirteen, Ben was still very much under the thumb of his father. But as he later learned with Klaus’ help, it was much easier to sneak out as an individual rather than a group. 

What it really came down to were the missions.

For a moment, Ben was actually worried that his father had caught on. The alarm always seemed to go off just before he was meant to meet with you.

But tonight was different. He’d managed to make it onto the street without a problem.

When he found you were equally as nervous, toeing unsurely outside of the little cafe. Ben’s apprehension was slightly more geared to the tall individual looming just a few feet short of you, obviously taking him in all his entirety.

With a laugh you introduced the third wheel as your cousin, a necessary excuse to let you out alone. With a staged whisper, you’d promised him that he would keep his distance.

And he did, but his gaze apparently wasn’t part of the deal.

Ben squirmed uncomfortably while trying to down his milkshake without choking. He was happy to be sat by the window, relying on the distraction of passerbys at each polite opportunity. Sometimes impolite when necessary.

“So-um, you look pretty.” He felt silly mentioning now, more than twenty minutes into your outing but he’d been too scared to chance it with an additional set of ears. To think he’d taken down men twice his size and still managing to be intimidated.

Your head bowed, cheeks heating at the compliment. It was a subtle warmth, just barely adding color to your skin. But your gron was the real winner.

Shyly you poke at your straw, coaxing it into a slow circle. “You do too,” you add with a bit more confidence. “It’s different, seeing you out of your uniform.

He was less recognizable too. With his sleeves pulled taught to his wrists, he was just like any other kid on the street. Something he rarely got to experience, especially away from his siblings.

Ben’s returning smile is more reserved with a half shrug,” We don’t always have to wear it.”

“Are you really a superhero?”

His lips pull taut, and unrecognizable look on his face as he considered your question. Was he a hero?

Luther fit the look of a hero. Even Diego accepting the title with his own flair. Allison and Five had their own style but he-

It didn’t matter the mission.

No particular scenario.

Somehow he was always doused in blood.

His own cape.

Sometimes it felt more like the cloak of a villain.

He jumps at the touch of your hand, finding your gaze teetering between comfort and apologetic.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Ben thinks you’ll pull away. Leave it at that. But your hand stays, your fingers tapping a distracting staccato on his knuckles that he found himself craving. By focusing on it he managed to chase away the self depreciating thoughts.

“My mom always says everyone a hero as long as you make a positive change. And from what I can see you guys are helping a lot of people.”

It’s not enough, but it’s something to hold on to.

Ben can’t remember the last time he felt something reach out that wasn’t from within.

It’s three months after your first kiss that Five goes missing. 

He doesn’t tell you at first because he thinks his brother will come back. They all do. Because it’s Five. 

Reckless but reliable. He’s the smartest of them all, so of course he can find his way back to them. You’d only had the short pleasure of meeting him from odd occasions and late night donut excursions. So you believed it too. But a month goes by and Ben’s breaking. Nothing is getting better. His father doesn’t stop sending them on missions. So he cracks a little more. More people die. Most by his tact and phantom limbs. There’s blood and gore. And he finally shatters.

“How do you do it ?”

When you aren’t tempted by sticky donuts or overcrowded booths, the two of you sneak away to your peaceful oasis. You’re fifteen now with a little more freedom.

Autumn is your favorite time to visit the overlook. The whispers of winter creating a nice enough breeze to accompany the glittering lights of the city below.

You’re leaning back on your hands, your legs casually slung over your boyfriend’s lap.

Ben had been quiet when you’d brought up the question. But in truth he’d been wordless for weeks leading up to now. His touch was less too, as if he thought the briefest affection would scorch your essence.

For longer than you’d like, you had rolled with the change. Unable to do anything but allow the gap to get wider as you bid your time just trying to understand.

Klaus had been tight lipped about the subject, but it turned out that you didn’t need words for an explanation. You could see the haunting look in his eyes.

It was the first time you began to wonder, had Superman ever broken down?

Ben’s little finger twitches against your own it he doesn’t follow the urge. His gaze strays for a second,” Do what?”

No playful guess, or ticklish prodding. Just a dry response.

You try to fill the void, offering a timid smile that trembles. This was a deep dive for your relationship and he was so far under.

What happened if you couldn’t make it back to the surface?

Your hand clenched around the ground before extending, gaining just enough to brush his fingertips. He hesitates but doesn’t pull away yet.

“Do all the stuff you do ?” Biting the inside of your cheek, you feed off the pain to root your resolve. “You’ve been doing this so long but … Ben- does it hurt being a superhero?”

“Yeah, it hurts.” It starts off slow. A few pebbles sprinkling from above.

You don’t expect him to answer. To hear his voice crumble, rocks sliding together in a downpour of emotion.

“Were not invincible- except maybe Luther. But it doesn’t fucking matter because we’re kids. He forgets that we’re children who didn’t ask for this.”

Your hand hovers at his back, trying to find the right time to intervene with comfort.

“But he bought us fair and square so I guess it’s his choice, right ?”

Your legs slid against his as you decide instead to give him space. The stout pillar of sadness was degrading into a pile of salt.

But he catches you by the waist before you can move, your gasp heating his cheek as he drags you closer. This time your legs part to let him in, arms confident as the looped around his neck.

This is the closest you’ve been in weeks and it feels so good.

“No, Ben, it’s not okay. “

But you’re only fifteen and with all the power between you, you can’t change anything.

You’re brushing just above the waters of seventeen and not much is better. But you understand Ben more. Think you’re more equipped to help. It never escaped you that he may be touch starved. Such a tender gift that weighed heavily with social implications. But you wanted to give it to him. Because you loved him. And most importantly wanted to believe he loved you back. It was reckless but your parents were out and honestly you could give a damn about the rest. The kisses were too hot, the touch’s only providing more sparks to the flame. Ben moved the two of you from the doorway, to the wall until the back of your knees bucked against your bed. You were more focused on getting as many layers off as you could during the travel time. Swallow his little moans of protest when your actions blocked a kiss or the tangle of clothing halted his hands. But nor here you were at the meeting point, both goals accomplished in full. Lips swollen, bodies stripped to the bare necessities and flushed in anticipation.  Biting your cheek, you reached out to map out the plane of his abs. Dressed comfortably in hoodies and loose clothing, Ben made it hard for you to remember that you were dating a superhero. A boy being cultivated into a man with vigorous training. Gripping the single strand of boldness between the both you, Ben took your free hand, drawing it loser in exploration as his lips attached your neck. The two of you shared a mixed groan of appreciation: you at the suction against your throat and him moshing at the tentive palming of his bulge. The two of you weren’t strangers to the taste of pleasure. Buye this would be the first time that you forgo the limited trials and accepted the full package. The spontaneously of it all had been tainted by a bit of planning , necessary actions for privacy. But now it was finally here. The boy you’d fallen in love with at the age of thirteen, settled firmly if not a little anxiously between your legs. His hands ran along the length of them carefully as he voiced his concerns,” Are you sure about this?” You captured his wavering hands, threading your fingers together. You were both bound to be nervous. It was a first for you each. But not the first taste of fresh experiences for either. You’d been each other’s first kiss. First date. First significant other. First love. And now- Nor you were never more sure of anything in your life. “As long as it’s with you. I can face everything with you at my side. “ His lips quirk in that soft little smile and you knew the worst of his worries were settled. Letting him go, you brought him back into a kiss, encouraging him to lead at his own pace. You swallowed the urge to flinch at the first touch of his fingers curling under the band of your panties not wanting to reignite any anxiousness. Instead you encourage with a roll of your hips, expressing your consent. It’s not the first time he’s touched you there and the confidence is present, if not weighted down slightly from the added implications. But it felt food, and you made sure to let him know as much. Your lips quirk when the tips of his ears redder in response to your breathy call of his name. Moaning came easy when his string fingers dipped into you, his thumb not idle as it stroked you. “Hm, condom?” You remember thoughtfully, not too far gone to forgot common sense. You’re thankful when his fingers remain in you as he reaches over your head. From the new angle you award yourself with a kiss, humming and grinding down on his fingers. You’re no expert on what’s wet enough but you think you know your body enough to want to try. Rolling your eyes, you snatch the square before your boyfriend could attempt to free the rubber with his teeth. The last thing either of you needed was a tear. A soft gasp left you when his hand left you without warning, needing both hand to free himself of his boxers. When the condom was freed without injury you did the same to yourself, completely bare to one another for the first time. “So we’re really doing this?” With a deep breath you confirmed shyly,” Yeah. “ Getting the confirm on properly was a little awk arc and way too many hands were used. There were a few giggles here and there and ticklish touches to guide them. Timid glances. Accelerated heartbeats. One more deep breath. And a push. Your thighs quaked against your bodies internal battle to abort. It stung a bit but it wasn’t as bad as your friends made it out to be. Ben was Attentive as always, delivering wet kisses until you gave him the okay. Your nails bit into the meat of his arm but he never complained. When you looked up, his eyelids were wrinkled from the pressure of holding them together. Your grip loosened to a caresses as you checked in, “Ben? Are you okay?” One eye blinked open, his face a mix of s grimace and pure bliss,” This is going to sound really cliche but you’re sososo tight and I think I’m going to come.” You laughed, genuinely laughed at his ‘pain’, head thrown back in the act. Yeah, you two were going to be okay. 

High school isn’t a breeze but it gusts by like August wind. All too soon you’re ordering your cape and gown and wondering about college. Like everyone else you’re unsure, a little scared but somehow excited all at the same time. Ben is leaned in close, resting his head on your shoulder while you scroll through your emails. There’s nothing new there. Hasn’t been for the last half hour but you refresh every few seconds just in case. It’s the unofficial acceptance day and most of your friends know where they’re going, except you. Ben strokes your arm from your bicep to your elbow, dry lips scratching the underside of your jaw as he leaves a short kiss,” They haven’t forgotten about you,” he assures. You know they haven’t. Because they can just as easily reject you. But Ben, the ever consistent and loving boyfriend, is determined to distract you properly. His limber fingers plunk your phone away from you even as you complain. “I didn’t buy you a milkshake just to watch it melt. I’ll keep an eye on the mail.” You’re too weak to challenge him, especially when he’s kissing you in reassurance. So you huff and purse your lips fro the straw. Ben was right. It’s good and it brings you a little comfort. That and the way his hands absentmindedly play with your hair. As promised, from the corner of your eye you spot his thumb dragging across the screen of your phone every few minutes. You’re halfway down the strawberry bliss when he speaks. But it’s not with news. “You’re great whatever college you get into. You know that right?” You do, but that’s not the reason for your stress. It just so happened that the school of your choice came about to be one of the highest ranked in academics. But you weren’t chasing the prestige. You just wanted to stay. Rooted in the same city that brought you into the same life you couldn’t see yourself without. It just helped that schools status made your parents proud. They could look past you remaining for the sake of your boyfriend when they knew you were in a top tier university. But it was all riding on you getting in this one. Because your second choice was hundreds of miles away. Ben of course reassured you that the relationship would be fine. He never wanted anyone other than the girl he met at thirteen. It was sweet but the world was sour. And he had a dangerous life. Nothing was certain. And everything- Ben’s thumb stops. And you close your eyes knowing he’s hovering over the first unopened email you had in days. For a moment it’s quiet and then he’s kissing you. It’s a very Ben kiss. Slow encompassing. One he used to give and seek comfort. And it leaves you wanting to cry. “Baby..” You’d planned meticulously for your life to fold one way. Preferably around the two of you, shrouding each other from the rest of the world. His hands cup your cheek and you know he’s urging you to open them. But you can’t. “Baby, you got in. “

The soft click of your front door turning puts you on edge. Your hand tightening around the feeble defense of a wooden spoon. Edging against the shadows of the wall, you refrain from the urge to call out- because honestly, who the fuck does that? You’re perched, ready to strike- When Ben rounds the corner catching on to your intentions with a delayed widen of his eyes. “Really? A spoon. “ With a huff, you clamber off the stool a little put off that your boyfriend wasn’t nearly as confident in your skills as you were. You couldn’t all be super powered. “You could have at least texted asshole.” Since you’d reached the age of independence, you traded the comfort of your parents home for the benefit of living a bit closer to the university you were attending. At first they’d been worried, especially at the prospect of you living alone. You didn’t think assuring them that a superhero often took up lodgings and you weren’t in complete solitude. Of course they knew about Ben. But as far as the rest of the world knew, he was busy with the Umbrella academy. Except for the few times he wasn’t, and sought solace in the little pocket of peace you provided for him. You didn’t care when he showed up, granting him a key to emphasize your point. As long as he gave you a heads up. That was really the summation of your brief list of rules. The moment you got use to him just sliding in, was the moment the same went for anyone..

“Sorry,” his mumble came dry and not too apologetic. The sixteen year old you might have been more understanding. Young and still fresh in the whirlwind of love. But at twenty-one, now you finally caught up in the adult world. You had classes to worry about, grades to maintain to hold on to your scholarship. An assistantships to help pay the bills. In a position where you have so much, you’d earned  the position to ask. You would have been more willing to curl into his request of comfort, ready to mutually accept and give what you needed most right now. But his curt response edged with unconquered aggression only sparked the flint of your smoking irritation. “I’m sorry, did the big bad Horror show get his tentacles twisted ?” Dark eyes flash and you know immediately that’s you’re rousing a haggard beast. Too bad the comfort of knowing that same beast for some odd years belittled the warning. “I’m not in the mood tonight.” Bringing your hands to your hips, you show no signs of backing down. “Neither is the rest of the world- which surprise!- still manages to revolve with or without you.” His body shudders, or maybe it’s a quake? Either one brings flighty hands into a tight clench as he sways unhelpfully on his dark hoody. Another thing you weren’t looking forward too. Ben had adopted the habit of tossing his clothing in with your loads without warning. Often mixing colors or ruining them with stains. Squinting, you couldn’t make out any foreign material but it wouldn’t surprise you to find some blood disguised in the dark lining. “Not yours though.” His time is sharp but also something else. “Your world would stop, because mine would too. ” The fight was still there. You certainly had it in you to go quite a few rounds. Like a lot of things in your relationship. Fighting with Ben was easy. He wasn’t just a compliant punching bag that took the jabs and rolled with them. In fact he was worse. Having triple the amount of siblings push sparing with him quite a few notches  above your weight class. Unfortunately a championship belt valued for little and in the end you both settled separately in misery until the threads tightened and sew the two of you back together again. The stitching wasn’t always perfect but you were my ended and had something to look back on. So here you prepared yourself. Ready to swing through the motions and hopefully leave the one beaten but still standing. But Ben just stood there, nails digging into his palms. “Can we just-“ “Not?” You finished helpfully, hopefully. Nodding quietly, Ben left you standing there to drag himself into one of the chairs of the island counter. His sleeves dragged against the counter to leaning- yep definitely needed to use a detergent for blood tonight. The lack of a fight somehow left you more exhausted than an actual one but you still managed to work through dinner. It was over a fork full of pasta that you considered your boyfriend with a critical eye. It always occurred to you why he didn’t leave the estate. College had been a whim of an aspiration for him.  But if he wanted to could he really? You were all still so young, barely reaching the height of adulthood. But you were managing so far. There was no reason why he couldn’t as well. “Have you all though about moving out?” His fork freezes and you worry you’re about to ignite something. But his voice is quiet. “And go where ?”

For awhile it calms down. Your second year of college was a smooth transition into your third. And now you have a better idea of how you plan to mold your life. The July sun is searing reminder that summer is almost over. Something you’re both excited about and dreading. You’d spent the last two months a few hundred miles away on an internship. It’d been the furthest you’d ever been from home. And equally the longest you’d been from Ben. With a clink, your front door opens and your luggage slumped against the entrance of your apartment. The end of your trip wasn’t your only relief. Coming back to see your apartment in one piece had been the greatest stress reliever. With another year still left under your belt, there had been no reason to let go of your lease. But with the internship, this was the first time you hadn’t occupied your home. You considered renting it out, a suggestion from your father to gain a bit of revenue. But that required moving your things out, which frankly defeated the whole purpose. Besides. Why waste the effort when you had a house sitter on call? “Guys?” Kicking your bags out of the way, you let the door close behind you as you ventured further into the flat. It was quiet in a way that made you a bit anxious. Ben had known you’d be in time around this time. You parents had insisted on picking you up so you had him forgo the effort of meeting you at the airport. It made sense for him to wait here for you but it wouldn’t surprise you to find him out with his family on some excursion. Or what was left of the team. From what he’d filled you in on, only Luther, Diego, Ben and Klaus were left. Allison’s disappearance spoke for itself. You’d come across more than a few promotional ads for her first role in an upcoming movie. It was shocking to say the least, to find out your childhood friend was on the cusp of a celebrity lifestyle. But as one of the Umbrella kids, you supposed they all were. With nothing but her academics, Vanya had been the first to move out to pursue. Very little was known about her personal progression. According to Ben, no one was concerned enough to pry. So in the revelation of the academy growing into their own shoes, it made sense for Klaus and Ben to enjoy a bit of freedom. One you were happy to give as long as it didn’t come at the price of a lost security deposit. For some reason you were hesitant to turn on any light, thinking it might ruin some indiscernible setting. The setting sun was still high enough to provide you some light, the soft glow equal to the glimmer of the bulb above the stove. Yet it was somewhat unsettling to think that they were here. Surely they would have picked up on your presence by now. The training they’d suffered through would have managed to hone their skills that much. The hunt of your small flat was short lived, coming short of your bedroom where your inconspicuous house guests lay scattered in your living room. Klaus managed to once again fit himself uncomfortably into the chair under the window. His head craned in a way that hinted he’d been chasing the sun until its descent. One of your throw bellow wedged under his arm instead of behind his back. You were almost urged to drape a blanket over him. But he was so quiet. You weren’t referring to the light scores rumbling against her throat of course. But the lack of shifting, the absence of mutters and heartbreaking screams. In the wake of everything you’d known about Klaus was the perfect image of peace. “Hey, sweetheart.” There was a shuffle of clothing as Ben rose from underneath the mounds of your knitted cover. He’s yawning around a languid smile, drawing you near with a lazy beckon. It’s the the welcome home you’ve been waiting all day for. His laugh warms you, curling around your body as you straddle his waist and bring your arms around him. The kisses are light and noiselessly, intentionally formed so not go disturb the still slumbering occupant. Ben’s lips brush your cheek as you take in the rare sight again. “He looks so at peace,” you comment quietly. Ben hums in agreement and you shift to accommodate as he slouch’s back into the cushions. Helpfully, you gather the blankets back around you. “Been like this all summer. ” He kisses your raised brow and tucks you closer,” I’ll explain in the morning. But this was a good idea for both of us.” You fall asleep dreaming about what it would be like if everyday was like this. 

Everyone has had enough, Ben tells you over the phone one day. You’re at the library, fumbling quickly with your things at the first sound of distress. You managed to escape to the outskirts, hidden between the shelves as he spoke. The last mission was bad. Too close for comfort and the consensus was to get out once and far all. He shares his fears. None of them are really ready to face the world alone. They’ve saved countless lives but it’s still not enough to conquer it. But Vanya managed, he scoffs, still agitated by it all. It became common knowledge by now that she’d climbed to the top of the class of the local university. Providing a rather vivid and compelling dissertation into the life of her family. 

Your offer comes easy. Maybe because you’ve been wanting to asks for years. “Why don’t you live in with me?” His resigned sigh isn’t exactly rejection. “What about Klaus ?”

Ben’s eventual decision lined up with the end of your lease nicely. After three years of seeing the same walls, you were experiencing the newness of indulgent arches and patio gardens. Klaus managed to come up with quite a few demands, even apartment hunting with you and Ben. “Nothing but the best for the most sickening sweet childhood sweethearts you’ve ever seen.” You’d wanted to interrupt him on more than one occasion but he just rolled into another tangent as you scouted out all imperfections and cried for justice. It had taken most of the week for the final decision to land on a quaint three bedroom townhouse downtown. Now you were six couches deep in the department store as you unsuccessfully corralled a disgruntled Klaus. You grimaced guiltily through a smile at the hovering employees expression their displeasure. Not that you blamed them. Klaus really taking the ‘try it yourself’ offer too far. Legs kicked up, swaddled in a blanket with one if the throw pillows under his arse- Because that was his money maker. Klaus was very much at home. Which would be great. If you were at home. Not in the center of IKEA on the verge of getting revoked for loitering. Scanning the store, you desperately tried to locate your boyfriend, uncertain of how you got out on babysitting duty two shops in a row. When no help was on the horizon you reluctantly settled into your role. “Klaus, honey..” You tried to start. “This is the fifth couch you’ve made your own. It’s just lounge ware not your final resting place. “ “You see that’s where you’re wrong my dear. “ Your body sags in defeat as he rolls into another speech. Somehow managing to belittle a billion dollar industry built on home economics in the process. A touch on your shoulder comes as more relief than surprise when Ben appears next to you. He takes in your exasperated state with confusion and inclines his head back towards the rest of the store,“I’ve been waiting by the beds. Why are we still looking at couches?” You gesture to his couch-ridden brother,“I think Klaus has an obsession. “ Ben seemed to have given up on comprehending all together and reached for his brother’s hands, dragging him to his feet. A quiet ‘thank god’ flitters behind you. “Dude, you can pick out the couch too. But you really need to decide on a bed before the ones on sale sell out. I really don’t want to fight a coupon obsessed mother. “ A perplexed Klaus loses all his theatrics. Its in his confusion that the most clarity is found for you. Throughout the course of the weeks, you’d noticed little things, but you’d never expected this kind of miscommunication. You hadn’t realize such a direct approach had been necessary. “You want me to pick out your bed too? I didn’t think you’d value my expertise so much. It’s rather refreshing “ You in Ben share a look. The tilt of his head cementing your conclusion. You say slowly “ We already picked up ours. Remember the sleigh bed ?” “Oh right. I take back my words. Shame one your distasteful cliche.” You resist the urge to scowl. You quite liked the woodwork if that choice. “Well good thing you get to choose your own,” Ben grumbles, equally as proud of the choice in the bed frame. He manages to get everyone on the walkway in route of the direction he’d come from. He takes on last look at Klaus’ calculating face before he gives up.“Oh for fucks sake Klaus. We want you to live with us.” “What?” Reacting to the softness in his voice, you reached around your boyfriend to twine your fingers,“Were just getting ahold of this adult thing. You thought we’d make you figure it out alone ?” You’re happy when everyone decides to ignore the obvious wetness pooling in Klaus’ eyes. The store had enough of a stage production and the last thing it needed were the three of you breaking down over the implications of growing up through childhood. Klaus thankfully just squeezes back in response, but there is an obvious crack in his voice.“You really want to live with me after 17 years ?” “I figured she could to suffer an equal amount of the trials of living with you before we could call it even. “ Laughing wetly, you pinch Ben’s side playfully “Yes, we want you to live with us.” “So the apartment ads?” “Yes, you’re getting your port side view because you asked for it. Not because we were just appeasing you. It’s yours.” “I don’t know what to say…” Ben perks up visibly as the three of you approach the more congested part of the store. He hadn’t been kidding when he’d exaggerated about the chaos of selection. “Can we discuss it after you pick a bed on this sell?. “ He was already trying to map about the best way to navigate through the masses. Frankly, you were already starting to miss the couches. And Klaus. Ben protested loudly when his brother ducked under his arm and pivoted in the opposite direction. Klaus barely managed to eade his grasp, snatching the waist length of us coat up like a victorian style dress. “Oh this is all wrong. We need to start all over. Honey, that kitchen table with those drapes? Not in my house.” With a flounce he disappears down an adjacent pathway. The feeling that settles over you, under the thick fog of irritation floating around Ben, is eased content. With a comforting hand, you drag you palm over the tense muscle of Ben’s back and counted to ten for him. 

Twenty five feels like a prime accomplishment, but in truth you’re so far from truly encompassing the progression of an adult. But you are a college graduate and a proper contribution to the workforce. Both Ben and Klaus were well on their way to understanding too. It had taken some effort, but with Ben’s help you managed to convince Klaus into seeking counsel. There would never truly be a point in his life that he would come to ignore the voices but perhaps channeling them would drive away the ache. At first, he’d been resistant of the idea of being diagnosed with ‘PTSD’, a symptom that he didn’t feel truly exemplified his ordeal. That was of course, all until a war ridden solider named Dave stumbled into a session. It was the first time Klaus had managed to manifest a spirit on pure will. Driven by the urge to comfort Dave with the news that his fallen brother wasn’t tormenting him and had indeed passed on with no regrets or grudges. It was Dave who had recommended Klaus to the community center for a position as an official consoler, taking with his own breakthrough. Neither you or Ben had commented how it had been the quickest Klaus had agreed to anything that wasn’t his own idea. Conveniently, Dave had also recommended a few good places for dinner.

“Oh shit. “ With a groggy groan you nuzzled unconsciously into Ben’s chest. It was too early for you to properly comprehend the tone of his voice but your body still provided comfort under the guise of apprehension. Ben responded to you gratefully, long fingers tangling in your hair through small loops eventually pulled taut when reality finally settled. His lips flapped, opening and closing around the truth that felt so much like a lie. A mirage. But certainly it really couldn’t happening- “Ding dong the wizard  is dead. Which is quite frankly sad news for me but wooo!” The two of you flinched, jumping to attention at Klaus grand entrance. Ben, the more awake and informed, relaxing first as he shared a look of disbelief with his brother. If two people believed the same thing, it was closer to the truth right? Still trying to swallow around the news, Ben cleared his voice shakily,” Can you see him?” Klaus managed to clear the low hanging haze of sleep from the room when he pounced, bed shaking under his weight as he made himself at home in the sheets. Ben vaguely registered your groan of protest as you tried to secure the sheets around your modesty. The act was for naught however, as the two umbrella children were preoccupied by a more pressing matter. Rolling his eyes, Klaus lounged back against the foot of the bed, forgetting his own modesty as his bathrobe slid around his body to accommodate. With lazy excitement he twirled the strings,” As if I’d willingly summon him. I just got him out of my life, Ben,” he scoffed, to which the others merely shrugged. It wasn’t like Klaus gave out invitations to his phantom visitors. “Can someone get me up to speed?” You requested disgruntled, a little put off from being left out. You almost regretted asking. “Dads dead.” The two answered with a mixture of excitement and barely aged disbelief. You were suspended between high fiving Klaus and stroking your boyfriend’s back out of comfort. You had your own thoughts about the man, some unjust and the others completely dignified. But in the same thought, he brought you these dysfunctional idiots and that was enough to pay your respects for. The underlying emotion, however, was relief. No denying that collective emotion. Thinking around Ben’s persistent and absent minded tugs against your scalp, you tested the waters. “Should you guys be preparing funeral arrangements?” “Oh! My inheritance!” With a squeal, a flutter of sheets and unmentionables you really shouldn’t be use to seeing, Klaus was gone. You didn’t expect much out of him anyway. Beside you, Ben’s shuddered with a haggard sigh. He leaned gratefully into your palm as it roamed the plane of his back. Breathing more easily at the touch of your lips between his shoulder blades. He sought out your hand still lost in the wrinkled sheets, bringing it to his lips. “Guess should check in with the others?” Ben found it strange. The man they called ‘father’ put them through so much turmoil. Put him through so many horrors. And for what? Just to call himself king of the castle? They called him the monster. But Ben had experience enough to point out the real ones. But it was all over. Finally over And yet… “Oh, Ben..” He blinked past the tears in disbelief, eyes shining as he curled into your offered embrace. He was still their dad. 

“Hey,  I could buy my own mansion with this kind of money. You think Dave would like that?” You vaguely registered his words over the thick haze. Snuggled close to Ben, you were still trying to properly dissect what all had happened in the last twelve hours. The funeral had been a small affair, exclusively tightening around you as the sole outsider, purely by your longstanding devotion to Ben. It had been jaring at first. Seeing all the siblings in one place. Even Vanya in attendance. They were all living out their own lives, so close yet so far out of touch. For the most part, you’d been able to follow Allison on the tabloids. Vanya was a distinguished professor at the college of music, often having promotional concerts around the city. Diego was a little harder to keep track of, but Luther. Luther was about as impossible as a feat as still coming to terms with the fact that he lived on the moon. In all honesty, it had been the first time you’d set foot in the mansion. Ben had never wanted you to experience the drab lifestyle he’d grown up in. Beyond all the luxury and schematics, you were beginning to realize how many secrets the shadows held. It would have been a quiet event. Meant to be placed in the courtyard. The mismatched cohesiveness of it all was abruptly interrupted by the alert of an uninvited guest. Diego had rolled into action first, donning his mask with efficiency that made you question its origin. Ben had instructed you to stay behind him, and you stepped back the agreeable amount of feet should an occurrence like this ever arise. The echo of footsteps was slow and calculated. A confident gait that traveled with a sense of knowing. They grew closer, each one coiling the muscle of tension a thread tighter. Until a single man rounded the corner. One unfamiliar, yet so recognizable from the curl of his scowl. A disinterested Five, rolled his eyes at his less than seasoned battle ready family, clad in a button up and linen pants with a loose ringlet of tropical flowers around his neck. He took everyone in with vague disgust before rolling his eyes and tossing the petals aside, muttering audibly about getting the show on the road so that he could return to his estate.

“ So we’re not going to talk about how our brother basically ran away from home and built his own starter company on a private island based on the exploits of time travel?” Klaus’ exhale backfired at the end, the smoke rushed out with a sputter and accompanying coughs. Another time you might have shown more concern, but the shock still took heavily dosed in your body to process another emotion. Ben was equally as unconcerned, his chest pushing you briefly into a sitting position as he reached out to snatch the smoking roll of paper from Klaus’ strangled grip. Eventually Klaus recovered, breathing shakily as he registered the theft. “No, we’re not going to talk about the little imp.” A thick cloud of smoke curled around you as Ben spoke,” Not so little anymore.” “Fucking family,” Klaus quipped. “I hope he got cut out of the will.” You responded to a light tug of your chin, turning into the gesture to welcome your boyfriend’s lips against your own. With a part of his lips, Ben emptied the second drag of weed into your mouth. You sink down further into his hold, hanging onto the hazy cloud before releasing it with a relieved sigh. It really was therapeutic in a way you couldn’t quite comprehend or explore on your own. The feeling radiated with a pleasant warmth that curled your toes. You snatched it back before Klaus could, bringing it to your lips for a slow deep pull like you’d been instructed. Klaus meet your gaze with a twinkle of pride, happy to corrupt you even just a little bit. “When are the two of you going to get married so I can ask Dave?” It was your turn to choke on an inhale, to which Klaus grinned victoriously. Ben’s hand massaged your back, patting firmly behind the lungs. It was careful and coherent, so unlike the visible shock you were feeling. “Why do you have to wait for us?” Klaus rolled his eyes as he took the burning paper with a frown,” It’s only out of courtesy. I don’t have to. But since you bought the ring first…” “Klaus.”  Ben’s voice was sharper and more aware. The conversation doing the the same to your consciousness. Turning in his hold, Ben only fought your attempts shortly before giving up. Both of your eyes were thinly laced but slowly gaining coherency. “You bought a ring?” Ben mumbled around the touch of your fingers against his lips, nibbling unintentionally with each word. “I really don’t want to bring this up high and on the evening of my father’s funeral.” “And brother’s resurrection. Hallelujah!” Klaus added unhelpfully. But you were determined, hands gripping his chin this time as you kept his gaze on you. “You want to marry me?” “Yeah, baby. I want to marry you.”

You’re twenty eight lying awake at 2 am on the day of your wedding. It wasn’t a restless sleep and neither of you were recovering from a bout of passion.

It was serene.

Quiet.

Much like it had been since Klaus moved out a year ago. Him and Dave had managed to sign on a townhouse just a few lots over. The prompt and wholly unexpected sighting of ghosts encouraging a hasty move from the last occupants.

They were engaged now, well into their own plans.

Everyone was back in town.

Allison with shared custody of Claire. They were staying with Luther for the weekend.

Diego has promised to show up in a proper suit for once. Bow tie and all. A cute detective ( who he definitely was not dating )as his plus one.

And then there was Five and his mysterious wife Delores.

No one was even tempted to unpack that enigma.

You roll onto your side and ride to your elbows. Ben’s eyes are closed but his breathing isn’t deep enough for sleep. You test your hypothesis with a short kiss that he lengthens with a smile.

The arm resting under you, curls up around your waist,” Still not sleepy?”

You hum in response, “it’s helping me remember this isn’t all a dream.”

Ben strokes your cheek with a laugh,” We’ve been living the dream for the last fifteen years.”

You weave your fingers together,” Fifteen huh?”

He buried his face into your neck and the two of you inhale together. There are less than six hours left before you’ll be separated for the majority of the day. Allison had been firm on her schedule, looping your mother and other bridesmaids in without complaint.

Five planned to pay for everything. Whether it was out of apology or simply because he could mattered not to Ben who agreed without a blink.

“It felt like a fantasy when I first saw you. Glad we never woke up.”

You go to kiss his nose and he turn in just the right way to capture your lips.Its a slow kiss, one to travel across the years and a few more for the future.

“I love you.”

After a decade of trials, the thirties certainly aren’t smooth but its a better set of challenges. You learned a new part of Ben’s heritage when your first pregnancy resulted in not one but two babies.

The two of you had been swept into a reasonable amount of panic. It was one thing for first-time parents to prepare for a single child, but twins?

Ben had been told to save his other hand for the second child during labor, he hadn’t expect to nearly lose both in the same day. But he’d been your pillar through the whole ordeal, stroking the wet cloth across your forehead and murmuring encouragement over your explicitness.

He was really really glad you weren’t Allison that day.

Thinking about it made him wonder what kind of hell erupted on Claire’s birth.

Raising twins wasn’t impossible but it wasn’t a walk either. More like a casual collection of jobs with a few stumbles along the way. In terms of proper parenting, there was a bit of a deficit between both of your experiences but there was a bold consensus to make up for misgivings on both sides.

Klaus turned out to be more of a help than either of you had expected. But then again, neither of you had anticipated Dave’s arrival into his life either. The two were well into their own marriage now and at the top of the uncle list.

You both watched them now, tucked under each other on the porch while your children drug their uncles through the snow. It was early enough for the snow to still be considered fresh and the coffee to be mildly ineffective. You watch the steam roll from your mouth, hissing on the inhale.

You decided to give the little group another five minutes before calling it in. It was all fun and games until you had a house full of sniffles and icky coughs. You were already thinking of whether to entice them with pancakes or french toast this morning.

“If I wasn’t so worried, I’d leave them out here with them and go back inside,” Ben grumbled lowly behind you. He’d returned back inside for a fresh cup of coffee.

You want to laugh but a yawn comes first,” Then we’d be taking care of four sick kids.”

“Daddy, come help me please!”

Ben tries to hide the smile, but that kind of grin is impossible to subdue. You know from experience. All fight leaves his body, and likely the rest of his warmth as he hands over his cup after one last long sip.

You’re pleased to still see half left as you steal a few sips for yourself.

[neshabeingchildish]

Soul Mates * Chensper Oneshot

If you’ve never watched Shadowhunters, I have some references to the end of the show. This is me hella projecting my Black girl issues on Char + my concerns about her character in the show too. 

Charlotte hardly ever got a chance to catch up on the shows that she loved, and she was FINALLY finishing Shadowhunters. She’d initially taken a break whenever the outpour to have it renewed or picked up elsewhere led to nothing. It was ended, and she wanted to draw it out as long as she could. Now, she was at home, alone, catching up, with a matcha tea smoothie, a sheet mask on her face, and a plastic cap on her head for deep conditioning. Charlotte’s time… Until she heard the pebbles on the window. Henry! 

She jumped up, forgetting the condition she was in and opened the window to look out. “Whoa!” He said, with a start. “Charlotte? Is that you under…” He waved a hand to indicate her, “All that…?” She gasped, but then realized, it’s just Henry. 

“I hope this is an emergency, because it’s Charlotte Time, and I’m watching Shadowhunters.”

Jasper appeared, running up as he said, “I love the SWEET Malec wedding in the end!” She groaned. She had purposefully avoided checking anything that might tell her anything this whole time. 

“Open up. We’re comin’ in,” Henry said.

“Okay,” She groaned again and went to let them inside. 

They were watching with her, commenting on things about the show, which Henry wasn’t nearly as familiar with, but wanted to chill with his two best friends after a hard night of work that he didn’t really want to talk about. They got to the end, despite Charlotte having to pause it a few times to take off her sheet mask and rinse her hair. She let the boys each braid half for her to set it for the night. 

Whenever they got to the end, she was trying not to cry. “That was beautiful,” Henry said. I almost wanna go watch the rest.” Charlotte scoffed. “Yeah, you’re right, I’m definitely not gonna commit to it.” She just shook her head, clearly flustered. “Or… I will? What’s wrong with you? Let me know something. You look…” He stared at her for a moment… “Well, you look beautiful, I mean, the mask thingy works wonders, but I mean, you look like you don’t feel okay.”

She shook her head and said, “I just get tired of never seeing a full happy ending for the Black girl characters.” Jasper and Henry both shifted uncomfortably. They’d had discussions about this before and previously, realized that they apparently didn’t know wtf they were talking about. They didn’t like for the conversation to come up, but SHE didn’t always like to see what she saw. “It;s like on the one hand, her character gets to start fresh and be a leader, but we already know that being a packmaster is hard work and that she’ll be doing it alone, because of ALL the major characters in this show, the ONLY one that had to lose her love by the end was her. Everyone else is booed up, and happy together, even in the very end, we see that the two main characters will most likely get back to their love. But, her story ends in deciding how to best bring people into her restaurant. They literally took away her lover and put her in a service capacity as her happy ending. Why couldn’t she have love too? Why can’t we ever have love? We’re always depicted as an odd numbered wheel, or the savior without a story, or the servant without a love. Sure, we’re strong and independent and don’t need anybody, but it’d be nice to see it happen sometimes, especially in the end of a show. What would they have lost by letting her be happy WITH someone?” She got up and left the room. 

Jasper and Henry looked at each other and began to play rock, paper, scissors to see who was gonna go check on her, but she came back quick, with a satin headwrap that she started tying on. “And like… if it happened every now and then, I’d be fine right now. But, I invest years of my life to shows that don’t care if my representation gets to have proper treatment. Then, I have to live in the real world, where I’m ignored and unappreciated just as much. I’m tired of it. I’m not watching anything else. I’m going on a fast from shows and stuff.”

“The real world you’re ignored and unappreciated? We literally just braided your hair for you,” Jasper pointed out.

“Yeah. You and your soul mate,” she rolled her eyes and sat on the bed. “Me and Hen used to be super close, and as soon as he had another friend in the Man Cave, I got placed on the backburner. However your stories eventually play out, I already know, IF I’m in it, it’ll be in the background, somewhere.” She shrugged her shoulders, “And I can’t even escape into fantasy where I get to imagine that things aren’t like that, because even if there are fairies, vampires and werewolves… Black girls still need to know their place in that probably happy, but not like the others level.” She felt that weird feeling again, like she might cry. It passed. She wasn’t a huge cryer, ad certainly wasn’t trying to do so in front of the boys.

“You feel left out???” Henry asked, shocked. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in. “That’s… I don’t know what to say. I don’t feel like you’re ever left out. I think about things all the time from a very Charlotte standpoint. I still do the opposite, most of the time, but I honestly can’t imagine my story without you being a huge part of it. I thought that you and Jasper got closer since he came in. You two are always in the Man Cave together. You’ve got routines and habits that are specific to your friendship. You’re kinda his mom a lot.”

“I don’t want to be anybody’s mom. I don’t want to be anybody’s angel on the shoulder that they ignore. I want to be a best friend and a lover and a human with importance.”

“A lover?” Jasper repeated.

“No… I meant…” She shook her head.

“Jasper, lets just hug her. That should work.”

“That won’t…” Jasper came around to the other side of Charlotte and the boys locked her into a hug. It did help. “You two are gonna either be best friends forever, or get married or something, and I’m gonna maybe be in the wedding, but probably not even really ever see you again. We graduate soon and I don’t know. The soul mates thing really shook me.”

“I never agreed to any of this,” Henry said.

Jasper scoffed. “It’s fate. You don’t have to agree. But, Char… It’s like… Even if those things DID happen. If me and Henry are best friends and lovers or anything else.”

“Anything else,” Henry slyly commented.

Jasper didn’t miss a beat, ignoring him, “Our relationship won’t end your relationship. Even if he turned out to be the love of my life.”

“You’re really running with it,” Henry said, to be ignored again.

“You’re his parabatai.” Charlotte’s eyes glazed over and she started finally crying, leaning more into Jasper’s side of the hug. 

“I don’t know what that means,” Henry said, looking it up on his phone. “A parabatai is a pair of Nephilim warriors who fight together as lifelong partners, bound together by oath, regardless of their gender. Their bond is not reflected only in their closeness and willingness to lay down their lives for one another, but also in oath—one sworn in front of the Council… Facts.”

“Do you guys want to stay over? It’s October. We can watch Crazyhead?”

“We came over to stay over. Crazyhead. Is that the one with the zombies?” Henry asked.

“Demons,” Jasper and Charlotte answered.

Jasper added, “Keep up, Soul Mate,” and winked at him.

[willowink-and-barktemplates]

We Could Be Immortals (Just Not For Long)

Summary

ren·e·gade /ˈrenəˌɡād/ noun a person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles.

~~~~

It’s perfectly natural for him to be worried, right? He’s not THAT clingy, so it isn’t like he was obsessing or something weird…. Wait what was he thinking about?

Oh right!

Swap hasn’t contacted him in a while, which is weird and odd for him. The- annoyingly- taller skeleton usually enjoyed spamming his phone with pictures and memes. He’ll never be over the time Swap discovered minion memes from the surface, that was near traumatic.

He grabbed his phone from his pocket, checking it again despite only a few minutes passing from last time. Opening his texts, he gave a frustrated sigh. It had been 3 days since his last text from Swap, and the other monster hadn’t even read his latest texts. He would know, Swap keeps forgetting to turn off his read receipts.

Y’know, now that he’s thinking about it (again), he hasn’t seen several others in his…. “Friend Group”.... Ugh, how cheesy.

Anyway, when was the last time he had talked to Razz? They weren’t super close, and mostly knew each other through Swap, but they could usually bond over coming from Fell ‘verses, and the social impacts that result from that.

….Huh, looks like Razz also hasn’t texted him in 3 days. Razz had texted last, so there’s no way to see if he had read any of his latest messages. Weird.

Nothing from Comet, either. Though that isn’t as odd, the Outertale Sans was never much of a talker in any capacity. The muteness probably doesn’t help, though.

It’s probably fine, though. Swap and Razz had probably got stuck in a RESET loop again, that’s it. Though, didn’t Swap and Honey extract a promise from their human?

Whatever, it isn’t good for him to dwell on things like this. Or at least, that’s what his therapist says. Angel above, being on the surface will always be amazing. Especially after Frisk agreed to no more RESETS. The kid never liked the Underground anyway, too much death and danger for the lil’ scrap.

Oh hello blaring cell phone, nice to be reminded you exist!

His cell phone, disregarding his internal monologue, was blaring Honey’s ringtone. It was quite annoying, so Honey must have gotten his hands on his phone and changed it. Whatever.

“‘Ello?” He spoke into the phone, after answering the call of course.

“Fell! Great to be hearing from you, but I have a very important question.” Honey responded.

“Uh, shoot then. Not like I was doin’ anythin’ anyway.”

“Have you seen my brother lately?”

“Swap?”

“Does it look like I have another brother? Who else, dimwit.”

“Oh hush it sugar skull.”

“I take offense to that.”

“That’s the intention! Lay off the sweets sometime.”

“Just answer the question, Fell.”

He sighed, “No, I haven’t. I was actually wondering if you had been caught in a RESET loop again.”

“If we were, I would not have called you, because I’d know where my brother is.” Honey’s accent was getting thick again, time to abort.

“Chill out, Honey. Knowing Swap, he probably ran off with Razz for a training adventure or something similar.”

“....You better be right, or I will steal all of your left shoes and make them slightly uncomfortably small.”

Damn, this guy is great with threats. In his line of work, too-small-shoes are a special brand of hell. He’d know after growing up in poverty with Edge as children.

“I’m going to let you go now, the house is a wreck currently and if Swap comes back to this chaos he’s going to obliterate every hoodie I own.” Uh oh, it sounds like Honey is about to start stress-cleaning.

“Don’t overwork yourself, I know how you get.”

“Oh don’t worry so much, I’ll be fine dimwit.”

“Fine, fine, sugar skull. See you later.”

Angel knows that things never go his way, but he can hope his friends are okay, at least.

[shirtlesssammy]

14x12: Prophet and Loss

Then:

Drama llama Dean spent an entire afternoon in a workshop surrounded by half naked men, and now he’s gonna bury himself at the bottom of the sea.

Now:

We open with Dean in the ma’lak box at the bottom on the ocean.

It is uncomfortable to watch. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about Dean dreaming about being in the box. It’s a huge call back to 3x16/4x01 and him yelling for Sam and waking from Hell in his own coffin --the coffin Sam insisted he be buried in --the coffin that Cas, the naive angel that lacked the people skills to know not to just reconstitute him and leave him six feet under. This is as bad, if not worse, than Hell for Dean. Dean’s been very low in the past, but to listen to Death and admit that he doesn’t have free will over this situation? Gah.

It is just a dream though, albeit one that was so visceral, he woke to bloody fingernails and scratches on the motel wall. Sam, who’s also awake, tries talking to Dean about his plan.

For This is a Beautiful Shot Science:

Sam insists that there has to be another way. Dean sees no other option than to lock himself away with Michael for eternity. (Sidenote: I just saw this post come across my dash about Swan Song, and I’M DYING.)

Aaaaaand, it wouldn’t be Buckleming without some torture porn! A man has a woman tied up. He’s dumping salt in a vat of water. Oooh, maybe super crazy demon torture? J/K, just a regular girl who doesn’t deserve to die tortured. Sigh. He carves something into her arm and sends her into the water to drown. Positive Note: She’s fully clothed.

Nick’s in the hospital and and as soon as his leg heals, he’ll be spending a lot of time in jail. Nick’s playing the “devil made me do it” card. And he’s also crying silent tears. NOT BUYING WHAT YOU’RE SELLING, EUGENIE.

On the road, the brothers take a moment to further dissect Dean’s plan. Both Sam and Mary hate it. Cas and Jack don’t even know about it. Sam calls Cas --who clearly gets the newsletter Sam sends out to everyone. He knows.

Rowena and Cas have been on the case to extract Michael, but both have come up empty. Cas offers to speak with Dean. Sam doesn’t think that’ll matter.

Torture Man has a new victim! This time it’s a dude that he’s trussed and laid out on a plastic sheet. Torture Man utters warped Bible quotes while he slits the man’s throat. He then carves something into his chest. Oh man, I have a high capacity for violence on TV, but this WAS NOT COOL TO WATCH. Do. Not. Like. After carving up his victim, he hears whispers and says, “I am the Lord.”

On the road, Michael continues to scream and pound on the inside of Dean’s mind. And, guh, Dean pulls himself together and side-eyes Sam to see if he noticed. He didn’t. SAM. I mean, I get it, he’s doing what he can to stop Dean’s plan. And if Dean really wants to convince his brother this is the best idea, why worry if he sees you struggle?

Anyway, Dean jumps into talking about their childhood, and how he “wasn’t always the greatest brother” to Sam. Sam’s baffled as to where this is going. Dean was his constant family when they were kids. Sam recognizes that Dean was not just there for him as a brother, but he raised Sam. Dean continues, apologizing for siding with their dad, for trying to keep the peace. I AM LIVING FOR THIS CONVERSATION. Dean admits that John would send Dean away when he would get mad at Dean. And, like we know this, and I’m still crying? Sometimes I feel like while every episode adds to the story of Sam and Dean, they’re often forgotten or never mentioned again, so did they really happen? If I ended up in an alternate world where I was rich and famous, I’d think back and rehash the fun in that on occasion. In any event, 9x7 did happen, and it happened on multiple occasions. Sam makes it clear to Dean that he let all that go a long time ago, also please stop with the deathbed apologies. Kthxbye.

Nick outsmarts the cop guarding him and escapes from the hospital.

Sam’s found a case! A nice distraction from their Road Trip of Bad Decisions. They head to investigate.

They arrive at the home of the brother of the last victim.

I found this shot SO weird, but didn’t really think about it again until I saw @neven-ebrez post, and was glad someone put some thought into it. :D We’re kind of hit over the head with brother parallels here. Dean gets to hear what it might feel like for Sam when he’s gone. Sam explains that the graffiti carvings were really Enochian. 

The brother talks about a friend, Tony Alvarez, who was more into Bible quotes than the average Millenial.

A Story in Three Parts:

I mean, really. REALLY? Cas has no chill. He also has no filter and spills that he knows about Dean’s plan. At first I was like “oh Cas bby, no” but now I’m ok with it. It’s almost more painful to know that Cas knows about Dean’s plan when Dean doesn’t know about Cas’s deal. (And equally painful to think that Cas doesn’t think about his deal because he doesn’t see himself ever being happy.) (Natasha: curls up into an unhappy knot on the floor.)

Anyway, Dean doesn’t want to talk to Cas about his plan and jumps right into why he called. Does Cas recognise the name Tony Alvarez? Cas says that he’s in line to be a prophet. Dean cuts him off, awkwardly tells him it’s good to hear his voice, and hangs up. He instantly chastises Sam for spilling his secret. “Dean, it’s Cas. I had to tell him.” Sam and Cas are the best brothers-in-law. HUGS.

And if Tony is now a killer prophet, is Donatello dead? Dean checks in with Donatello’s doctor. He’s still around (brain dead and all, but not dead dead.)

Dean and Sam break into Tony’s home, which looks perfectly normal EXCEPT for a creepy office covered with Enochian writing and pinned up photos of victims. They realize that the killer is cycling through different biblical deaths.

Cut to the Sphinx Machine Shop, where a deranged Tony has strung up his next victim. He gets ready to burn him (and I’m just cringing in horror please stop). Fortunately, the Winchesters rush in just in time. Sam tackles Tony while Dean puts out the fire and saves the victim. Tony babbles that God was telling him to kill those people. He manages to get a hold of Dean’s gun and kills himself.

U G H

Anyway, just like that, the whole case is over.

They go over the case with Cas, who speculates that Donatello’s not-dead-yet status has somehow triggered a malformed line of prophets. The answer seems clear...they’ve got to kill off Donatello.

Nick breaks into his old house and flashes back to the trauma of his family’s deaths. (Somehow there’s still electrical service? I’m going to chalk that up to an overzealous realtor, perhaps.) The room ices over as the ghost of his dead wife, Sarah, manifests. He addresses her as...“Lucifer?” AWKWARD. Sarah, played by a jarringly different actress, tells Nick that she’s been a ghost...the whole damn time. She saw him get possessed by Lucifer and that is part of the unfinished business that keeps her tethered to Earth. There are some major you’re-cheating-on-me vibes coming from her.

“You wanted him,” she accuses him. “You still do,” she says, surprising absolutely nobody. Nick tells Sarah that he’s gonna go find Lucifer and he leaves her behind to be a super grumpy ghost for all eternity. Thanks, man.

At the Happy Daze nursing home (rly?) a doctor tells the Winchesters that pulling the plug on Donnie is the right choice. Dean practically smirks at Sam like, “SEE? The nice doctor is telling you to let me be tortured for all of eternity.” Cas meets them in the guise of a doctor.

Doctor Sexy: A visual story in three parts:

Sam heads off with the (real) doctor to see what sort of babbled “nonsense” Donnie’s been dealing. (I take a break to pedantically google the difference between brain death and vegetative states.) Dean gives Cas some serious side-eye and sass about checking up on Donatello, but Cas pulls him back. He explains that what he did to Donatello was necessary at the time, but he still regrets it. Dean attempts to commiserate and Cas spits out, “Please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just STOP.” 

Dean pleads with Cas to support his decision. “This is goodbye?” Cas demands in response, and then SAM BURSTS IN. God DAMN it, Interrupting!Sam.

Ugh. MAN. Give Dean and Cas five freakin’ minutes to talk through their issues 2k19. (You know I love it AND I hate it, bbys.)

Anyway, the footage of Donatello shows him speaking Enochian. He’s muttering about striking down the first born of Egypt...he’s just spewing out the Word of God. Cas thinks Donatello’s mind is rebuilding itself and stumbling through old prophecies. (Me: passive-aggressively googles vegetative states again.)

They head into Donatello’s room where Cas, bless him, continues to show an utter lack of an appropriately scaled cover persona. He orders the real doctor out of the room with a cursory “Get out.”

While Sam and Dean wait for Cas to try his healing mojo, Dean flinches as he continues to struggle with Michael. Oh, Dean Bean.

They reunite with Cas just in time for Cas to have his breakthrough healing moment.

For Science

They turn off the life support machines and, after a brief jolt, Donatello pulls through. It’s a miracle! He’s probably not evil, right? I mean, the lack of soul will almost certainly steer him well. (Lord, we’re going to be stuck with this chicken-addicted prophet forever, aren’t we?) 

Donatello wants to know what happened and Dean slaps Cas on the shoulder and somewhat snarkily leaves the job to him. Dean. Bean.

Sam greets Dean back at the Impala with beer and misery. After the “win” of getting Donatello back, it’s time for them to head on home so Dean can lock himself into his torture box. Sam delivers an emotional speech about their shared experiences and accuses Dean that he’s checking out of the world too soon. “If you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow.” Sam rails at Dean, begging him to give them all a chance to save him. “I believe in us,” Sam shouts and punches Dean in rage and pain. 

Reluctantly, Dean promises to go home with Sam and hold out for another option for as long as he can. Dean offers a contingency agreement: if they have no other choice in the future, then Sam and Cas have to let him go.

“Let’s go home,” Dean says to them both. Hooray! And...that should get to me but what really quietly wrecked me was Dean telling Sam quietly, “Don’t hit me again, okay?” before they all climbed into the car. Welcome, hello, my heart is now in a coffin at the bottom of the ocean.

After they all depart, the title card fades ominously to white. 

Everybody knows what makes Doctor Sexy sexy is his Quotes:

Well, the woman has a remarkable command of profanity.

If we could not have conversations that sound like deathbed apologies, I would really appreciate it.

Dean, it’s so good to hear from you.

Thank you, and it’s good to hear your voice.

“Doctor.” “Doctor.” “Doctor.”

Dean. If there’s a spark, a hope, then I have to try. You taught me that.

No rest for the self-destructive.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[waywarddaughterwrites]

Do You Feel It?

A/N: I absolutely LOVE the “seeing wings = soulmates!” troupe. However, the fics I’ve come across for Gabriel always seem to have him getting super excited super quickly. I feel like it would be a more emotional moment that takes a moment to adjust to. I wanted to see him vulnerable and flustered. Here’s my take on the idea of wings and soulmates. 
Pairing: Gabriel/Reader 
Warnings: fluffy fluff 
Synopsis: “Angles have this…thing. About angels. And angel wings.” ______________________________________ Gabriel. The name was familiar, obviously. Besides perhaps Lucifer, he was the most well known Angel, even if I hadn’t been raised Christian. I’d learned about the Archangel Gabriel in the same breath I’d learned about Jesus, seeing how he announced Jesus’s existence to the Virgin Mary. His name was spoken in a reverence by every religious figure I’d met growing up, he was a biblical fixture in my life. Which is why I was left a bit short for words when Sam and Dean announced his impending arrival with undisguised disdain. “Gabriel. THE Gabriel. Is coming here? To help us with a hunt?” Sam gave a disgruntled sigh, “yeah. Hopefully he won’t be here long and we won’t have to deal with him too much.” I knew the stories about the boys’ run-ins with the angel. As much of a show as they put on, they didn’t seem to hate him as much as they hated some of the other angels. There was a deep-seated distrust and vague annoyance, but their faces didn’t darken at his name like it did with others, which I took to be a good sign. Honestly, I loved the stories about Gabriel. While misguided, he seemed to have a good heart and sense of humor. I mean, come on, trapped in TV? It’s the single-greatest prank I’d ever heard of. The Mystery Spot mess was perhaps a little overboard, but the point he was tying to make to Sam was with good intention. Surely he’d redeemed himself, at least somewhat, in their eyes when he helped them against Lucifer. It had broken my heart to think he’d almost died, even though I’d never met him. It was several years later that the boys found me hunting a rugaroo solo and had taken me in. I’d been with them for about a year now, so it surprised me that I hadn’t met Gabriel. I was quite looking forward to it, much to the apparent annoyance on the Winchesters’ faces. If they’d expected me to be sulky about this interesting turn of events and expansion into my hunting life, they were sorely disappointed. “(Y/n) really, he’s not that big of a deal, and if you act like he is, it’s going to go straight to his head and make him even more of an annoying jerk than he already is.” Dean piped up, “Not to mention he did technically kill me, like, a lot. No matter what funny façade he presents, you can’t afford to forget how dangerous he can be. In fact…maybe it’s best if you aren’t here when he comes. The less he knows about you, the better, if you ask me.” “Are you kidding me, Dean?” I turned to Sam, who had an expression that was starting to mirror Dean’s. “Sam, you’ve got to be kidding me! I am a grown woman, the two of you are not my keepers!” They may have taken the place of surrogate brothers in my life, but they most certainly did not have any authority over me. “If I want to meet the infamous Archangel Gabriel, I will, and you cannot stop me. Dean, no-” Dean had opened his mouth, about to argue. “I was hunting for YEARS before I met the two of you. I’ve met every monster imaginable and my religion is one of the only things I’ve held on to from my pre-hunting life. I’ve been around Cas a ton and hell, I’ve literally met Mr. Call Me Chuck himself! You say Gabriel has information that could help us, by Chuck, I’m going to be there to meet him with you and there’s nothing you can do about it!” I finished, a little childishly, just short of stomping my foot and sticking out my tongue. “This one’s firey, I like her. Where’d you find her?” Startled, the three of us whipped around. Standing in the middle of the library behind us was a (rather attractive) man. He was much shorter than the boys, but a couple inches taller than me. He had golden blonde hair and caramel-colored eyes that seemed to constantly sparkle like he was mid-laugh. His face was upturned in an amused smirk. He noticed me watching him and gave me a wink. “Gabriel, Archangel of the Lord, but I believe you’ve figured that out.” He turned to the boys, “No holy fire? No pre-drawn angel banishing sigils? Boys, I don’t know whether to be disappointed in your lack of preparedness or impressed with your increasing capacity for trusting people. What can I do you for?” The boys begrudgingly began explaining to Gabriel the details of the case. We suspected the witch we’d been tracking had somehow gotten hold of a Hand of God. With Gabriel’s attention fixed on the boys (or, mostly fixed. Every so often he would glance at me, almost like he was sizing me up. It was both intriguing and intimidating) I took a moment to examine the most incredible feature of my new acquaintance: the six massive golden wings protruding from his shoulder blades. They seemed to fill the entire room. They looked like they were spun with pure gold. Not only did they reflect light, they seemed to radiate light and warmth. There was an edge of one of the wings near me. I resisted the urge to reach out and stroke it. I wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked, but I didn’t want to overstep any weird angel boundaries. I couldn’t help but be a little confused. I’d been around Cas a hundred times. I’d met Hannah and Balthazar. Why had they kept their wings hidden? Gabriel seemed to be proud of his, showing them off like he was. Every so often he would give them a gentle shake, as if he was adjusting them, causing the light to ripple down his feathers. The effect was mesmerizing. If Cas’ wings were half as beautiful, surely he’d want to show them off, too. “–(y/n)? (Y/n), you there?” I shook my head a little and turned to the three pairs of eyes watching me, waiting for a response. I wasn’t sure whether or not mentioning an angel’s wings was acceptable or appropriate, so I decided to keep my thoughts on their beauty to myself. “Sorry, I got lost in thought for a minute there. What were you saying?” Dean replied, “we were saying that we need hard proof before we go charging in, just in case this is the real deal. You ready to tank this bitch tomorrow?” “Sure,” I replied. “The three of us? Or…all of us?” I tried to ask innocently, glancing at Gabriel. With all my heart I wanted Gabriel to be there, too. However, I had only just met the man. I hadn’t even spoken to him yet. Why I so desperately wanted him to stay I didn’t know and I didn’t want to be…weird. Gabriel was watching me, dear Chuck I hoped he wasn’t reading my mind. “You, me, and Dean tomorrow,” came Sam’s reply. “We need to cover our bases and find out everything we can about what we’re dealing with tonight. If this truly is a Hand of God, we need to be prepared.” “I’ll be on standby,” Gabriel added. “Just a quick prayer and I’m there. Now, who’s hungry?” Gabriel ended up spending the afternoon at the bunker. After he popped in six pizzas (two topped with chocolate sauce and candy. It looked awful but according to him “candy goes good with everything”) Gabriel half-helped the boys research and half-spent his time talking to me. I tried to help research with the boys, but I couldn’t help myself talking to Gabriel. There was this strange pull I was feeling toward the angel. Perhaps it’s because he’s an archangel. Against my normal thorough hunter’s training, my head was only halfway in the researching while he sat across from me talking about his favorite biblical misconceptions and telling me stories about the boys from before I’d met them. “Here’s a thought,” I said two hours later after closing the book I’d been attempting to read from. “Why don’t we simply…ask Chuck?” “Well, we don’t exactly have him on speed-dial,” replied Sam. “Besides,” added Dean, “He split after the whole Amara thing, remember? ‘The world has you’ and all that bullshit. I doubt he’d answer even if we could call him.” I nodded my head, conceding to the reasonable argument. I grabbed another book and pulled it toward me. I could feel eyes on me. I looked up and my eyes met Gabriel’s. He was watching me with an intensity that almost made me uncomfortable. Instead of opening the book, I stood up, breaking eye contact. “I need some fresh air. I’m going for a walk.” The boys didn’t look up from the books they were engrossed in. Dean grunted and Sam gave a vague wave of acknowledgment. Determinedly not looking at the angel, I grabbed my jacket and walked across the room and up the stairs to the door. Making sure I had my key, I stepped out into the cool evening air. I took a deep breath and began walking. I barely paid attention to where I was headed, vaguely west toward the sunset. I had walked a radius around the bunker of a few miles in every direction during the year I’d spent here and my feet took me to one of my favorite spots: a small clearing in a grove of trees on a hillside, perfect for watching the sunset. I sat down and surveyed my surroundings. The air was definitely helping me clear my head. What was wrong with me? It was like Gabriel was clogging my senses, making my head fuzzy and warm. It was a strangely comfortable suffocation, one that was equal parts invited and confusing as hell. I had literally only met him this afternoon! I had never developed feelings for anyone this quickly, especially feelings this strong! It didn’t make any sense! “You feel it too, don’t you?” I stood up quickly, turning to the voice behind me. I relaxed immediately once I saw Gabriel. Which was also wrong! I was a hunter! What was I doing relaxing at the sight of a potentially dangerous creature that I barely knew? Gabriel seemed to read the mix of emotions on my face. “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. I…don’t think I even could. I have this…weird pull toward you. Am I crazy? Do you feel it?” It was almost unnerving seeing him so vulnerable, asking for reassurance. The stories I’d read and learned about for as long as I could remember were of this mythical and intimidating figure of Heaven. The stories the boys had told me were of this powerful and annoyingly pretentious asshole. The man before me was…a man. He reached his hand up to awkwardly scratch the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable with my silence. His wings twitched, causing the light from the setting sun to dance with the golden luminescence of his feathers. The movement caught my eye, which he noticed. His hand froze on his neck and his eyes widened. I met his eyes and his eyebrows cinched, mouth slightly agape. He shook one of his wings purposefully. I glanced toward the movement and back to his face, confusion I’m sure was evident on mine. His hand dropped from his neck and he released a long breath he had been holding. He took a step backward as if in shock and asked in a quiet voice, “…you can see them, can’t you?” Slowly, I nodded. “Gabriel…why can I see your wings, but not Castiel’s? Hannah’s? Balthazar’s? Do they keep theirs hidden?” Gabriel’s focus on me was intense as he seemed to gather himself. He cleared his throat and took a couple steps toward me. His hands looked like they were attempting to reach out and take my arms, but he was holding himself back. “Um…no. Not technically. There’s this…thing. About angels. And angel wings. Even we can’t see each other’s wings.” This surprised me, but it only deepened my confusion. Angels couldn’t see each other’s wings? So, why could I? “I guess that’s not entirely true,” he amended. “In certain…circumstances, we can. It’s simply one of those things. Showing your wings is kinda like showing your privates. It’s an intimate thing. Only reserved for special…partners…” he trailed off. I stepped toward him. We were inches apart. The fuzziness in my head was starting to return, along with a strange clarity. “Partners?” I pressed. “Well, more like…mates. Like…soul mates. It sounds cheesy, but only an angel’s soul mate is able to see an angel’s wings. You can’t see Castiel’s because he’s not your soulmate.” “But I can see yours. So that must mean…” “Yeah.” He closed the distance between us, allowing his hands to wrap around my back and hold me closer to him for a fiercely passionate kiss. I returned it with fervor. His hands trailed up my arms to cradle my face. My hands found their way to his hips and our bodies pressed against one another. Every cell in my body was on fire. Every ounce of my being was screaming how perfect this felt, how natural and overwhelmingly right. I wanted to kiss him for the rest of my life. I started to giggle while we kissed. He broke away and rested his forehead against mine. “What, in the name of my father, could be so funny at a moment like this?” He teased. I grinned at him. “I’m standing on a hill in a field kissing THE literal archangel Gabriel whom happens to somehow be my soulmate. If my mother could see me now…” he chuckled and kissed my nose. His wings, unbeknownst to me, had wrapped around us, forming a sort of cocoon around us both. I started to reach my hand toward the feathers close to me, but stopped. I glanced at Gabriel, who gave an almost imperceptible nod of permission. I continued my reach and stroked the feathers. They felt like clouds woven into a fabric. Their softness was indescribable and the warmth was comforting to the touch. Gabriel let out a hissing gasp the moment I made contact. I pulled my hand away and looked to him immediately, terrified that I had somehow managed to hurt him. He noticed my distress and kissed my forehead. “It’s okay. I’ve just…never felt anyone touch my wings before. It’s like if you suddenly had nerve endings in your hair. It’s startling, but extremely pleasant.” Just then, my cellphone began to buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen. “The boys seem to be getting worried…how long have we been out here?” I couldn’t see the sunset behind Gabe’s wings. When he pulled them back, I learned that not only had the sun gone down long ago, but the heat radiating from his wings had effectively blocked off the chill of the night. I was immediately onslaught by cold air and wrapped my arms around myself, shivering at the temperature difference. Gabriel noticed and held me in his arms. “Hold on tight, sugar,” he whispered in my ear before snapping us into the bunker’s living room. Dean and Sam, who had been sitting on the couch and in an armchair respectively, both jumped up as we materialized in front of them, concern evident in their faces. Concern that quickly turned into confusion and apprehension as they took in the protective and possessive way Gabriel was standing with his arms around me, and the comfortable way I was leaning my back against his front. Dean’s eyebrow slowly raised as he caught my eye. Grinning sheepishly, I looked at the two of them and said, “boys…you may want to sit down. I believe you both need a break from research and there’s some…things….that need to be talked about.”

[soonwellbefoundfic]

what about all the shit you done to me?

this is long.  I hope you guys enjoy.

marlee.

“Bitch, we should go out!” My voice slit the air in half, overpowering the gentle sound of James Blake who had been crooning on repeat for an hour now.

My statement earned her eyes and then a smirk that let me know she wasn’t completely against the idea. I nearly smiled – easygoing Erin was my favorite.

“Go out where?” She gazed at the backwood in her grip before bringing it to her lips.

She wasn’t much of a drinker. Smoking was her thing. And she did a lot of it.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged and then cackled. “Let’s do 1OAK.”

“You need to stay your drunk ass here.” She murmured as a smirk bit at the corners of her lips.

“I’m not drunk.” I swore. “I only drank wine.”

She chuckled, smirking at me. “Yeah bitch, a whole fucking bottle!”

With a laugh, I glanced at the Petrus bottle on the table. It was my special occasion wine, as it was very expensive but at the moment there was nothing special about my life. It was the complete opposite.

“Let’s get pretty and gooo.” I pinched her bare thigh, disrupting my own rancid thoughts with my words.

“I’m only going out if we in VIP.” She took a pull of her weed. “I ain’t with that standing in heels all night shit.” She snapped on the exhale.

“Fuck I look like?’ I quickly responded, offended. “Of course we’ll get a table.”

“I’m just saying.” She murmured and then cackled at my peeved expression. “I ain’t realize you were a socialite and shit.”

I wanted to remind her that Larry lived in clubs but now wasn’t the time to bring him up. Erin would probably go on and on about how trash he was and then we’d argue because of my automatic will to defend my husband. He was problematic but he was my problem. Bad mouthing him in any capacity was unacceptable. It was grounds for me to go the fuck off.

“I mean, you know.” I smirked and then stood, leaving the topic there. “I need something to wear too.”

“You wanna drag me out to some raggedy ass club filled with a bunch of scammer niggas and you wanna stretch my shit out too?!”

“Fuck you mean, stretch your shit out?!” I frowned. “You callin me fat, Erin?”

She shrugged. “You sure as fuck don’t wear a size 2 like me.”

“Yo, you rude as fuck,” I snapped and she grinned. “Just find me some shit that stretches.” I muttered, standing and leading the way to her bedroom.

It took what seemed like forever for us to get dressed. Most of the time was spent arguing. Erin insisted that we just stop by my place so that I could grab one of my own dresses but I didn’t want to go there. It was cold and empty and a reminder that my life wasn’t playing out as planned – that my marriage was a joke.

I needed her to understand that without me having to explain it. I needed her to stop trying to oversimplify things, namely my life and feelings.

In the end, I won the argument though for a while it seemed as though I wouldn’t. Arguing with her was exhausting. Most times I wanted to tap out just for the sake of staving off a migraine.

After having me swear to God and put my word on everything else I loved Erin allowed me to squeeze into a chartreuse colored Herve Leger number she had. With it I wore the strappy Sergio Rossi heels I’d had on earlier.

“Shit, this bitch keeps riding up.” I complained, tugging at the containing material. “Next thing I know, my ass gon be out.”

“This line is too fucking long, Marlee.” Erin huffed, ignoring my complaints.

She didn’t care how uncomfortable the dress was. The only thing she cared about was me not spilling the cocktails I intended to drink on it.

“Okay…” I cut my eyes at her.

She muttered something under her breath and I knew straightaway that it wasn’t pleasant. Not wanting to argue with her, I bypassed the line and headed for the door.

“Deucy,” I smiled up at the bouncer.

His frown deepened at the sound of his name but as soon as his hardened gaze found mine he stopped scowling and smiled a smile that could brighten even the darkest soul.

“Marlee,” He cooed.

It was hard to believe that one of the toughest bouncers is the city was smiling and cooing my name when seconds prior he was threatening to dismember some unruly white kid whose privilege wasn’t strong enough to grant him entry.

“Hi, honeybear.” I cooed, embracing him.

His midsection was sturdy and wide, inhibiting me from wrapping my arms completely around him. He never seemed to mind or notice as he worked to squeeze the life out of me.

“Its been too long,” He spoke, releasing me from his hold.

As soon as I was free, I worked to position my dress for the night at the appropriate length. Knowing I’d be playing a game of tug-a-war with the designer hemline annoyed me but it was the small price I had to pay for not wanting to venture home.

“I know! You been good?” I quizzed, genuinely interested.

Our small talk was disrupted by disorder in the constantly growing line and with a promise to catch me later, Deuce let us in before tending to the conflict.

“Maybe you are a fucking socialite!” Erin yelled over the music once we were in the club.

“Maybe.” I grinned, leaving it there and heading towards the bar.

With my wine wearing off I wanted another drink or four in my system immediately. We’d opted into catching Uber over to avoid the fight over who was going to be the designated sober loser.

Erin watched silently as I handed off my card to get a table and bottle service going. I could nearly hear her questions but I ignored them as the scantily clad waitress led us to VIP and the tufted booth that came with it. With a promise to return in a bit she left us to decide what we’d be poisoning our livers with.

“What you drinking?!”

Drake’s vocals filled the club, guaranteeing two things – that the people attempting to converse were yelling every word or that people were up dancing. No in between.

“Is your socialite status getting us a discount on this table? Is that why you’re handling everything?”

“I’m handling everything because I’m the one that invited you out. I want to have a good and comfortable time with my best friend.” I smiled, needing her to leave the topic alone.

But leaving shit alone was impossible for her. “I’m just saying, you knew Bubba at the door then we have this great table in VIP–“

“You ladies ready?” The waitress returned and I knew straightaway that some angel was watching over me and didn’t want to have me barking on Erin.

“Yes!” I chirped despite the fact that I hadn’t even looked at the menu. “The Code – two of em and a bottle of Armand de Brignac.” The waitress’ eyes immediately lit up as I rattled off the name of the pricey champagne.

“Perfect. Be back.”

“The fuck is the code?!”

I laughed at the expense of my friend. She wasn’t much of a drinker. “It’s Pineapple juice, D'usse and Disaronno… It’s like an amaretto sour.”

“Sounds good.”

“It really is. It’s some shit that sneaks up on you too.” I grinned. “ A couple of them and you’re good.

With an enthusiastic nod, she grinded in her seat leading to my laughter.

Our drinks came, Drake transitioned into Rihanna and Rihanna transitioned into Migos. The energy in the club was great. People seemed to be buzzing with joy – or maybe it was just me buzzing because I’d been drinking for hours now.

I’d noticed my liquor intake had increased substantially in the past few months. Of course it didn’t feel like I had a problem but it was certainly something that I noticed. I didn’t do any hard liquor, just wine, but my normal 2-3 bottles a week had turned into 5-6.

Smoking was a hobby I’d picked up on but then quickly dropped after Larry found me passed out and then rushed me to the hospital. After being placed on suicide watch the herbal drug seemed less appealing though the alcohol and anti-depressants mixture was mostly to blame.

“Bitch, we need to be over there with those niggas!” Erin’s voice exploded in my ear as she nodded towards a nearby group in VIP. “All those gold bottles and shit.” She observed. “You know they got money.” The conclusion came with a tap on my thigh.

“We got our own money. We good.” My response forced her to kiss her teeth.

“I thought you came out to have fun!” She whined.

“I did!” I gestured around. “This is fun – there’s good music, I’m here with my bitch, I got my drinks… I look amazing. Fun.”

“Sitting here half dancing to music is a dub.” She waved me off.

“Well, get up and dance, E.” She smirked at my challenge.

“You the one that – oh shit sis, he looking over here!”

“Who?” I quizzed disinterested.

I looked good – I expected men to look. I only became annoyed when they approached me with their nonsense.

My wedding ring never left my hand, making my tolerance for men and their faux ignorance slim to none. The ones that approached me were always super flagrant or the ‘yo man don’t let you have friends’ type.

“The fine nigga from that table.” Erin’s excitement didn’t quell my disinterest. “He staring hard as shit.”

Other men didn’t interest me – point blank.  I couldn’t afford to entertain them. I only desired one man. Dealing with others for the sake of boredom or lack of male energy would do nothing but put a wedge between Larry and I. The damage from Pierre and I was still very much prevalent.

“I ain’t thinking about none of that.” I took a sip of my champagne as I peered around the popular night spot.

It was crowded as usual. In between the wooden ceiling and chevron floors was a slew of energized bodies. The warm lights created a gold glow throughout the place that added to the vibrant energy.

The chill vibe here brought thousands out, most who weren’t fortunate enough to be granted access. Celebrities flocked here more than any club in Manhattan. The last time I was here I’d spotted Rihanna and the time before that Mayweather. It was a wonder people want access to the luxe but chill night spot.

“He thinking about ya stank ass. And he coming over here!!!” Her gleeful declaration was a boot of annoyance to my gut. “Bitch!” She slapped my thigh.

“Erin!” I warned, willing her to stop everything she was doing at once.

“Ladies,” The voice was like navy silk over the blaring trap music.

“Hello,” Erin greeted sweetly. “Whats ya name?” She didn’t waste a second with her advance.

I felt his gaze even as I gave my attention to the glossy, black bar and those who approached it. I watched those who desperately waved the bartenders down and rolled my eyes as I caught sight of a few guys annoyingly hovering over uninterested women.

“My name is Jarell. Yours?” I heard him speak but didn’t bother to look.

“I’m Erin.” She cooed, sweetening her voice that was usually hard and aggressive.

Erin’s annoying introduction prompted me to roll my eyes. Her sudden burst of energy around this man irked me. She’d been a drab, complaining ass bitch since we’d arrived but now that we were faced with a person with a dick she wanted to show out.

Typical.

“And yours?” The smooth voice called out as the rim of my champagne flute met my lips.

My glare flickered upwards, clinging to a pair of round brown eyes that read as innocent. His gaze narrowed at the contact and he watched patiently as I took my premeditated sip of my drink.

“My what?”

“You name?” His clarification was partnered with a pinch from Erin.

“My name is Marlee.” I announced, not caring to dilute the boredom in my tone.

“Cool.” He nodded and then smiled. It was a great smile compromised of white teeth and lush lips. “You Jamaican?”

“Nope but she is.” I quickly diverted the attention back to Erin, not caring to have it on myself.

The sound of her kissing her teeth was music to my ears. She hated talking about her West Indian background and after years of friendship I still didn’t quite understand why.

“Really? Where in Jamaica?”

“Kingston.” She was lying but I wouldn’t dare call her out on it.

“That’s cool. I just spent some time down in Saint Catherine.” I nearly laughed, as that’s where she was really from.

“Why you go there?!” Her disgust was evident.

Not caring to hear his answer, I glanced away from the two. My eyes roamed over the expanse of the club as the lyrics of the Gucci Mane song the DJ selected fell from my lips.

“Can I buy you ladies another bottle?”

Her ass was probably doing an internal bankhead bounce, I thought as he pretty much confirmed that he did indeed have money. He was offering to buy a whole $400 bottle of champagne as compared to simply dropping $30 for a new round of drinks.

“We’re fine.”

“Yeah,”

Our answers were simultaneous and complete opposites to my dismay.

“You sure can, Jarell.” Erin reiterated, cutting her eyes at me, daring me to say anything.

I took the dare with my chest out. “Jarell, we appreciate it but we’re fine, really. We haven’t even finished this bottle.” I gestured to the gold bottle on our table and offered him a small smile.

“Well Miss Marlee, can I at least have a dance?”

My smile dropped marginally. “Later?”

“I'mma hold you to that.” He smiled, bid Erin a goodbye and went back to his group of rowdy friends.

“Bitch!”

“You don’t even drink like that, E!” I laughed.

“So what! It was free liquor.”

“No, there was definitely a fucking cost. His ass would have bothered us the whole fucking night had he dropped money for that bottle.”

“You need somebody to bother your uptight ass.” She concluded, partially giving me her back.

Not caring about her attitude I peppered kisses on her cheek before standing. “Let’s dance.”

“Nah,” She refused even as she caved under my pulling of her arm.

We danced until the songs became wack and our feet became achy. The plush seats swaddled us as Erin told cruel jokes about ill-dressed party-goers. Our laughter was loud and our hands were adorned by liquor-filled cups.

I was more than shocked when Erin demanded we have another round of cocktails plus shots. The waitress quickly gathered up the order, knowing drunkenness led to more spending. With the liquor came a spike of energy and yet again we were up dancing to the latest in music. I was first to burn out and sat while Erin continued to go at the music.

“He fine as shit!” Erin dramatically declared, falling against me as she sat.

Having been already seated and laughing at a twerking Erin, I shifted to accommodate her frame. The liquor had certainly spiked her energy and for a while it’d had the same effect on me. However, my racing thoughts and growing anxiety was the culprit for the chill I’d found. To my fortune Erin was too loaded to notice that I was no longer on ten with her.

“Who?”

“That nigga with the Yeezys.”

Annoyed with her description my eyes instantly moved to the floor as I searched for the person she was speaking up. When I spotted the expensive sneaker my gaze began to trek up his frame for confirmation of Erin’s claim.

“He look Puerto Rican – what you think?” She pressed, leaning closer to me. “Maybe Dominican.” She added when I failed to respond.

“Dominican.” I muttered, knowing that to be a fact.

The guy she was speaking of was one I knew, and couldn’t stand. He’d never done anything to me besides be nice but my envy made it difficult for me to acknowledge that factor. My envy was rooted in that fact that he saw my husband more than me.

The guy Erin was eye-fucking was Mike, Roy’s brother – Larry’s good friend.

“We would have some bomb ass kids!” I wanted to acknowledge her outlandish remark but I was too busy searching for the body that I knew was present.

VIP had suddenly gotten louder and more crowded. The energy had shifted. The air was denser, making it harder to breathe. Or maybe I’d just drank too much and was being ridiculous.

“You stupid.” I managed to distractedly reply to my best friend who was clueless as to what I was going through.

She replied with more foolishness only I couldn’t quite make it out. Distracted was an understatement. I was completely brainsick at this point. My vision was tunneled and searching for what I loved most.

As soon as my eyes landed on him a heat consumed my entire body. My skin began to tingle and my heart began to pound. The skimpy dress I wore felt even more constricting, making breathing a struggle.

I shifted and rubbed my neck, never once allowing my eyes to fall off of him.

A million emotions raced through my mind. My head acted as the Autobahn, hosting a plethora of feelings and giving them free reign to be as fast and reckless as they wanted.

Glee was in first place and arousal trailed closely behind it. Longing was catching up to both and not one to be outdone shame was close behind.

I was here based solely off of my emotions. And I wanted to leave because of them too.

My need to see him overruled my pride and my common sense. I wanted to be embarrassed but there was no space for that emotion as my body was far too occupied by longing and angst.

For the most part I’d been living my life as a single woman while my husband did whatever he did. Our calls were minimal, our physical contact was nearly nonexistent and to be frank, I missed him.

I missed everything about him – the light sound of his voice and the way it dropped deeper when he spoke his native tongue, his imperfect smile, his perfectly firm yet perfectly gentle touch, his scent that was exclusive to only him. Everything. But more than I missed those things that were tangible to my senses, I missed our moments. I missed us.

It was when the bright flash of blue moved out of the corner of my eye that I finally took my eyes off of my estranged husband. The cobalt unitard that Erin wore grew further and further away with each second that passed.

With a sigh and a final glance at an unknowing Larry I shuffled after her, easily finding that she was in route to the ladies room.

The neutral toned, earthy décor extended to the bathroom. The space was warm and inviting – it was homey yet refined. Mirrors lined the walls, rich woods acted as accents and the black and white stoned floor prevalent in the rest of the club was also present.

In the room of black, white and rich browns stood a vivid blue figure that was bound to turn red from anger.

“Erin,” I called her name through a sigh.

Nothing could prepare me for the war of words we were about to have. No matter how gentle I went in, how soft my voice was, how nonthreatening my approach was Erin would still bark.

And she did.

“You dragged me out cause you knew this bum ass nigga was gonna be here!” Her explosion of words lacked a question mark at the end because she knew.

My lips pressed into a line, inhibiting words from flowing outward – not that I had any. Frankly, I didn’t know what to say. She was right, I’d wanted to come here to this particular club because I knew my husband would be here.

Desperate?

Maybe.

She kissed her teeth. “That’s fucked up, Marlee.”

“I apologize.” I attempted to take the easy way out.

“Bitch, please.” But she quickly rerouted me. “You ain’t sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be upset with me.” I muttered, watching her through the mirror. “We were having such a good time.”

Her frown was deep, twisting her pretty features into a gnarly visual. Her black rimmed eyes were narrowed and locked on me. Her red lips were twisted, symbolizing her utter distaste.

“I just—” I sighed brushing my ring clad left hand over the cool gold toned counter. “I miss him. I wanted to see him.”

“For fucking what?!” She exploded, causing the thin Latina next to me to jump and then make her way towards the exit.

“What are you yelling for?” I quizzed calmly, quietly.

With copious amounts of a alcohol pumping through our systems I knew getting into it Erin wasn’t the smartest option. I needed her to watch her tone.

“Cause you out here being dumb as fuck for this nigga who don’t give a shit about you!” Disgust laced her tongue, tainting the air of the bathroom.

I blinked and chewed my inner cheek and counted backwards.

4,3,2….

“Erin, regardless of what you feel, that’s my husband and if I wanna miss him then I will. If I want to be dumb – for him then I will.”

She chuckled at my expense. Her laughing at me was meant to inject my spine with humiliation. She wanted me to feel foolish because she thought I was. She wanted to belittle me.

“A ring permits you to behave like some desperate idiot?” Her words stung. “To chase after a man who clearly doesn’t want ya ass anymore?”

Another girl approached the sink, applying her berry hued lipstick. I watched her, wishing I felt the ease she was currently exuding. Her movements were fluid and graceful. She was at peace and it showed. Meanwhile, I was about ready to pop my bitch of a best friend in the mouth.

“I never pushed my problems on you. I never pushed my marital woes on you. I never pushed Larry on you. Yet, you’re standing here judging me and acting as though I have to ask for your permission to feel anything that I feel for my man. He’s my husband and if I wanna be desperate for him or dumb for him then I will. I understand you being tight about me bringing you here but don’t use that as a platform to air out how you truly feel about me.”

My eyes left the burning ones of Erin, finding the vivid lipped girl again. Her movements were no longer fluid but stiff and robotic.

The realization that Erin’s nasty energy had worked to screw up hers annoyed me. When she caught my gaze she quickly tucked her gold tube of lipstick away and excited that bathroom.

Without another word to Erin I did the same, bidding her a silent 'fuck you’.

The trek from the bathroom back to VIP took no time as determination fueled my stride. I spotted him straightaway and without another thought I marched up to him, tapping his shoulder.

Curiosity and then recognition clouded his eyes as he looked at me. And when I failed to speak he took my silence as a cue and allowed his eyes to roam my scantily clad frame.

“I owe you a dance.” I smirked when his eyes were finally on mine.

“I thought I was gonna have to come back and beg you.” He smirked, leading me away from the booth he and his friends had been occupying.

“You don’t seem like the type of man who begs.”

“For you I woulda made an exception.” I flushed and then cursed myself for taking the corny rebuttal seriously.

I spun around, giving him my back as the bass heavy song filtered through the club. His hands instantly moved to my hips as I grinded against him.

Tilting my head back, I quickly took in my surroundings creating a countdown in my head. I knew without a doubt that this two person party would be over before the song ended.

Questions that included too much lip were whispered in my ear. My eyes slipped closed as I mouthed the words to the popular Beyoncé song.

The feel of Jarell’s hand moving down to my thigh was enough to make me falter. The feel of a pulsing heat looming over me was enough to make me freeze.

It was when the body behind me disappeared that I opened my eyes, finding a furious Larry inches away from me. I nearly laughed – it was as though he had a radar or some shit. I briefly wondered what the hell Larry had said to my dance partner to make him disappear so fast but in the end decided that I didn’t care.

The fitted cap he wore over his twisted hair was low on his face, creating a shadow that tugged at my arousal. The black garments he wore fitted him perfectly and beckoned thoughts of me peeling them away to the forefront of my mind. He looked amazing.

I stared at him, not caring that he hadn’t called me since landing in New York. Or that I’d found out that he was even in New York via his best friend’s social media account. I’d missed him, and I was happy to see him.

That’s all that mattered.

“Why you here?” He pressed rudely, distorting my previous thoughts.

“Its a free country.” I smirked, keeping my cool.

I could play games with Larry all day. I was great at this. Acting unaffected was my part time job though I could easily admit that my ability to seamlessly do so had fanned the fire that destroyed our marriage.

“You like this guy?” He jumped to the root of his irritation.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged gleefully, noting his pinched expression. “What do you think?”

The vein along his neck nearly popped as he scowled at me – eyes narrowed, nostrils flared, jaw tensed. His body wavered even as he stood stiffly. I nearly smiled.

“You cheat on your boyfriend, Pierre and go home with this guy?” His lips curled upwards, forming a mixture of a smirk and a snarl.

Typical Larry – saying nasty things to gain a reaction.

“Maybe.” I gave a typical Marlee answer – one that lacked all care.

With the speed and agility of a ninja he pulled me to him, snaking his arm around my midsection. His blunt fingertips dug into the soft space just under my rib cage as his glare narrowed in on me.

“Why you play with me?”

His warmth nearly melted me to a pile of goo. The popular Le Labo scent that wafted from his body was intoxicating in every way and I wanted nothing more than to drown myself in the essence of him. But in this moment he was feeling the complete opposite about me. He was pissed and jealous, and he looked like he wanted to choke the life out of me.

“You come here in this little dress and dance crazy. Who you wit?” The residual scent of cognac on his breath licked my upper lip as his face neared mine.

The thought of him pregaming with Roy annoyed the fuck out of me. Larry had never been much of a drinker. However, Roy had the ability to help morph the man I thought I knew so well into a drinker, a cheater, a heavy smoker – lord knows what else they got into.

At the thought of his crusty ass Dominican friend, I glanced in his direction, finding his peculiar gaze riveted on the two of us. The glare I threw at him was meant to devour his soul and feed it to demons. I couldn’t stand him and though he knew already, I wasn’t above reiterating it.

Larry grasped my chin, forcing my eyes back onto him before I could gauge Roy’s reaction. “Who you wit?”

“Jarell.” I rattled off the guys name, not interested in mentioning that I’d truly came with Erin.

His crushing grip moved from my waist to my hand and without another word he yanked me behind him as he created a one man stampede through VIP.

“Yo!” The familiar voice was enough to make me crane my neck. My resistance was enough to force a furious Larry to turn.

He paused when he found Roy rushing up to us with curiosity in his eyes and a million questions on the tip of his tongue. Disgust curdled in my stomach as he grew closer. Revolted, I took in his stringy hair and beady eyes. The BBP top that covered his upper half annoyed me because Larry had the same one and it was my favorite thing of his to wear – not anymore, I thought.

“I leave.” Larry spoke before he could.

“Bruh, we just got here and–“

Larry shook his head, cutting him off. “This important.”

His statement was a shocker. For months now I’d felt anything but important when it came to my husband. Everything else he involved himself in was important. His work, his family, his friends, his Luzy… I’d grown accustomed to being an afterthought for him – the forgotten piece of his life.

My grip on his hand tightened even as I said nothing. I had nothing to say. His words didn’t deserve an applause – me being important shouldn’t’ve even been something he had to explain. The fact that Roy even deemed it appropriate to question his leaving – with me – spoke volumes about where Larry had positioned me in his life in recent months.

“Aight, Bro.” Roy shrugged before looking at me. “Sup, Mar.”

I cringed hearing the nickname no one gave him permission to give me. “Eat a dick, Roy.” His snickers followed me as Larry pulled me towards the exit.

The ride home was dead silent. In fact the sound of Larry’s voice came only when he rattled our address off to the taxi driver and then thanked him before exiting. When we made it to the building we’d been inhabiting for years, he pulled me along, muttering a cloudy greeting to Ted.

He’d released my hand only to allow me to exit the cab and when my feet were planted firmly on the ground he took it hostage again, leading me as though I was incapable.

Once in the elevator I snatched my hand away and moved to the opposite side of the small space. “Had I known you wouldn’t fucking talk I woulda stayed with Jarell.”

Larry was on me before I could even finish my sentence. “Stop play with me, Marlee!”

“Fuck you, nigga.” I shoved his chest, sending him back to the opposite side of the elevator. “You don’t get to come back around here telling me what the fuck to do. All I did was dance with the guy.”

“You let him touch you like that – you know what people say when they see that and know you my wife?!”

I hadn’t thought of the fact that Larry was well known by the people in the club, making me well known. I also hadn’t cared.

“Do you know I’m your wife?!” I roared, earning his silence.

The elevator came to a stop on our floor and the doors slid open. Neither of us made a move. Larry’s chest was heaving as his anger coursed through him and I was forcing myself not to cry.

“Comere,” He sighed as the doors crawled to a close.

Refusing to move, I stared at him. I searched for the man I’d grown to love more than any being on this earth. His physical was the same but everything else was different. I hated it.

“Come here, Marlee.” He called again.

“Larry, I’m not fu–“

“Please.” His voice cracked, quickly shifting the energy and within seconds I was in his arms.

He held me to him, threatening to pulverize my every bone. His hug was desperate and the sighs that left his mouth were of relief. It confused me. I should have been the one having the internal celebration, not him.

My heart throbbed when his lips pressed to mine. The feel of them was foreign and familiar all in the same go. I’d spent so much time reminiscing on his kisses – his everything – and now I was experiencing it without the help of my imagination. It was sublime

It took mere seconds for the kiss to grow desperate as we both worked to catch up on what we’d been missing for what seemed like decades.

His hands moved to my ass as he hoisted me up. As my legs wrapped desperately around him, I slammed my hand on the door open button. With blind finesse Larry moved out of the elevator and down the hall towards our apartment.

“Fuck,” He rasped, pinning me to the door as his lips roamed the flesh of my neck. “I missed you so much.”

His words grew legs and ran over my nerves, triggering things I hadn’t felt in ages. Sure I was aroused but that was no tough feat. I felt wanted and that was a sensation I’d been deprived of for far too long.

Desperation curdled in my belly as I gripped Larry’s cheeks, forcing his eyes on mine. They were hazy, blurred with lust. It took them what seemed like forever to focus but when they did, I spoke.

“Unlock the door.” My voice was a thin rasp. It reeked of need, tainting the hall and tarnishing the walls.

I heard the keys only he didn’t move. His lean body was pressed to mine, making my back one with the door. His warm D'usse laced breath danced over my face and his lengthy fingers melted into the globes of my ass.

“Larry,” I hissed, impatient. “Open the door. You can’t fuck me in the hall.”

A devious smirk fitted itself to his lips, challenging my statement. A dangerous mixture of fear and arousal curled in my gut, forcing me into action.

I snatched the keys from Larry and dislodged myself from his hold, not wanting to give him enough time to prove me wrong. I knew he would. The thought scared and excited me at the same time.

Reminding myself that Ted was probably viewing the cameras, I whirled around facing the door. The action prompted Larry to immediately dropped his hands to my hips. He gripped the stubborn flesh and grinded against my ample backside, showing his lack of concern with our settings.

My hands trembled as I wrestled with the keys, trying to find the one that would grant us access. To my dismay they all looked the same.

“Larry,” I huffed. “Which key?” I breathed, trying to ignore how good his hands felt on my bare thighs.

“Argent.” He murmured, moving my hair to the side to grant him access to my neck.

“They’re all fucking silver.” I cried out.

My helpless moans drifted down the hall as his tongue danced across my neck. I prayed the walls were thick enough, that the doors were sturdy enough to block my sounds of pleasure from the neighbors.

His teeth joined the party, securing my flesh in a searing hold. My heart dropped, producing a deadly throb between my thighs. My breathing hitched, sending me wheezing like an asthmatic. My body trembled, quivered and shook, loosening my grip on keys.

The clatter rumbled through the silent corridor like a marching band, bringing my attention back to our current surroundings – back to reality.

Without thought I reached for the keys, knowing we needed to get the hell out of this hall before someone came out and spotted us. However, my husband had other things on his mind like taking advantage of my folded position.

I gasped when he raised my dress so that it bunched around my waist and groaned when his knowing fingers met my needy flesh. Fire replaced the blood in my veins as he pushed the saturated seat of my panties to the side. His fingers reacquainted themselves with the part of me only he knew.

Up and down, up and down he stroked my slit, gathering my moisture in the whorls of his fingers. “You so wet.”

His voice was a rasp and I didn’t need to see his face to know that his eyes were low and his lip was imprisoned by his teeth.

“So wet.” He whispered, as my back arched, opening me up further to him.

“Someone will see us, baby.” I whimpered, slamming my eyes shut when the pad of his thumb met my clit. “Fuck.”

“They sleep.” He swore and with that he tugged at the delicate sheer panties, ending them.

“Ted,” His fingers invaded my honeyed canal, sending me reeling. “The cameras.” I moaned, grinding against his hand.

“They not face us.” His voice was strained with concentration as he worked to tear me apart.

His deliberately curled fingers thrusted into my heat over and over, threatening my sanity and stability. I was gone, and he knew it. At this point I would fuck him downstairs on the front desk for Ted, all the neighbors and who ever the fuck else was wondering around TriBeCa to see.

“Larry,” I cooed gripping the doorknob as the little bit of sense I had withered away.

“You like that?”

“Yesss.” I spread my legs wider despite the fact that I knew accommodating Larry in such a manner would only lead to trouble, and a lot more pleasure.

He hypnotized me with his fingers, circling my engorged clit over and over and over again. Pleasure was shooting through my veins and with the help of alcohol I was in shambles.

My moans were back to back, filling the hall but my ability to care was nonexistent. I was close. My orgasm was creeping up on me at a shocking rate. I blamed my excitement and lack of proper release in the past several months.

My knees buckled and spine curled as Larry’s fingers moved slower, dragging over thousands of desperate nerves. Frantically my hands searched for an anchor to balance me in the midst of this blissful storm.

In rapid french Larry prompted me to soak his hand, and I did. I drowned it, showing him just how backed up I was due to his neglect.

By some miracle no neighbors came out to investigate as I mewled like a cat in heat.

As I slumped against the door, exhausted, Larry retrieved his keys. He quickly worked the lock, granting us the access I so desperately wanted.

Larry wasted no time backing me into yet another wall as soon as we were enclosed in our place. His kisses were hot and desperate. His touch scathing. His anticipation fueled me bringing me back to peak arousal within seconds.

“Babe, be careful. This is Erin’s dress.” I breathed as he recklessly tugged at the banded fabric.

Larry was known for destroying my garments in the process of disrobing me. My tattered La Perla panties were a prime example. His aggressive ways did wonders for my libido while severely damaging my wardrobe in the process. It was a simple equation of give and take.

However, him fucking up my best friend’s dress was not an option. The mere thought of the hell she’d raise nearly drained my vitality. She was particular about her shit and she hated Larry…

He kissed his teeth, showing his distaste. In the moment I couldn’t tell if his frustrations were rooted in the fact that his Hulk-like ways wouldn’t fly tonight or the fact that I’d mentioned Erin.

His hand rested on my hips and his eyes rested on mine. I could spot the defiance. It stood nearly as proud as his arousal, and partnered with it was apathy.

Not willing to risk it, I took a step back. My sigh was inward as his hands fell away from me.

My stare locked on his as I gripped the hem of the dress, raising it until my bare bottom half was exposed.

“Stop play,” He warned, licking his lips and pivoting forward. And though he didn’t say it, I knew that if I didn’t shed this dress quickly he’d do it – his way.

Relief swarmed me as I shoved the dress over my hips, tossing it to the side. My husband swarmed me next.

His kisses were honeyed and his touch was blistering. I felt so many parts of him on me that I couldn’t focus on the sensations each appendage created. Sensory overload would be what the coroner would scribble on my death certificate. Larry would be the suspect and his tongue, teeth, lips and hands would be submitted to evidence as murder weapons.

“You know what I miss so much?”

“What?”

“How you taste.” Liquor and lust had effortlessly remixed his voice. I loved it.

Unable to formulate words, I hissed and then shivered. My knees quaked as he neared me and gave completely when his arms went around my waist.

He handled my weight without complaint as he pressed his lips to mine, drugging me with his need. His kisses were slow and sweet but between each curl of his lips and flick of his tongue was a promise to destroy.

His lips slipped from my mouth, trailing a hot path down my neck while his hand busied itself with the needy flesh between my thighs.

“You miss me?” His voice was strangled by my flesh but I still heard him – loud and clear. However, that didn’t stop me from pretending like I didn’t.

I wasn’t quite ready to be vulnerable. Given he already had me just how he wanted me, I wasn’t ready to start verbally spilling my truth. My womanhood was screaming 'I missed you’ loud and fucking clear. That was all he needed – for now.

The soft trail of his lips was disrupted by a stinging nip via his teeth. I hissed out only to moan when he repeated the same action, adding a pinch of my nipple to the equation.

“Now you can no hear me?” With my clit being stroked, my nipple being strummed and my neck being suckled I could barely think straight. Hearing was a luxury.

My reply was a mangled whimper that left my husband dissatisfied. His punishment doubled as my pleasure as he nipped my collarbone and pinched my nipple.

“Larry,” I gasped when he was on his knees before me.

His eyes met mine and a sure smirk that was designed to cripple me contoured his lips. I cradled his head, weaving fingers between twists that needed to be done over. His lips made a journey of the fleshy globe of my breast before finally abducting my nipple into his warn cavern of a mouth.

My knees wobbled and twitched as though I was trying to emulate one of Lau’s crazy dance moves. In reaction, Larry gripped my ass tighter as though his hold there would stop me from tittering over.

His hand dropped from my ass to my equally fleshy thigh and his lips fell away from my breasts only to land on my torso. I cringed inwardly as his lips feathered over my not-so-evident rib cage down to the area just above my belly button.

My heart-rate quickened as I thought about the tenants I’d housed, and how they hadn’t survived.

He peppered the sweetest most tender kisses over my belly. His plush lips traced the space that had once been stretched by our love. His tongue ran over flesh that had been treated by non-ablative laser to rid of evidence that I’d even been pregnant. His attention to the part of my body that brought the most shame was crippling me. It was too much. And just when I was sure he would bring me to tears, he gripped my thigh, placing it over his shoulder.

His mouth was covering my pussy before I could blink. His ability to take me from one extreme to another like that was an act of terror.

I gasped at the feel of his tongue parting through my flesh and groaned when the silky appendage reintroduced itself to my clit.

My every nerve bowed to him as warmth ballooned in my belly. The silken touch of his tongue felt like everything that I’d ever wanted and needed. It was the answer to my every prayer – the outcome of my every wish.

My head fell back as his tongue swept down, circling my opening. My body froze and gushed as my brain tried to take on the multiple sensations. I was bound to short-circuit.

We should have been taking it slow as it had been a while but here we were, inebriated and going full throttle. Well, Larry was – I was merely trying to maintain my balance and keep from showing all my cards.

When his tongue slithered its way up my syrupy passageway both my balance and pride were things of the past. A pleasure induced wail left my throat and my body folded like my bones didn’t exist.

As though he expected me to crash he carefully guided me to the ground, never allowing his mouth to loose contact with my sex. When my back pressed against the wood flooring we’d meticulously picked Larry threw my legs open, stretching and spreading me to his liking.

Card after card flipped over, revealing themselves as I spasmed, shook and squirmed against his mouth.

“You missed me?” He tried again, wearing my juices as an accessory.

A broken moan was my reply but it wasn’t the answer he wanted. He tilted my hips, angling my body so that he had access to all of me. My mouth fell open and eyes nearly crossed as I tried to make sense of why this felt so good.

My soul nearly left my frame when I gazed down, finding Larry’s eyes latched to my face. His gaze was dark – ravenous, his brows furrowed. Twists fell over his forehead, creating smoldering shadows over his eyes. Needing to touch any part of him, I reached an unsteady hand out, gripping his hair.

I watched him watch me fall apart as his lips latched and pulled me to the gates of heaven. There was a glint of appreciation in his eyes as he licked my common sense away. His eyes grew darker with every mangled whimper that left my lips. He was depleting me and I, fueling him.

“Lar–“ The remainder of his name was swallowed as his tongue began to slowly circle my clit.

As though choreographed, my every muscle tightened. An uncontainable heat lingered in the pit of my belly and my joints morphed into putty, rendering me immobile.

The ball of nerves that’d been bouncing around in my womb came to a sharp halt before exploding into a million bits.

“Please,” I wheezed as my body trembled under the pressure of my release.

Desperately I swallowed gulps of air, sure that I wouldn’t make it as aftershocks ruled my body. My being burned with a detrimental combination of relief and anticipation. I wanted to retreat and beg for more all in the same breath.

The shifting of my body loosely gripped my attention as I focused on calming my racing heart. I was in a state of bliss where everything was blurred and glazed over. Everything felt distant, except for the throb between my thighs.

The heat consuming me intensified. It grew hands and caressed me, lips and kissed me. It had a voice, a familiar one, that revealed just how much I’d been missed, how much I was loved and how much I was needed.

Fingers that gripped my thighs seconds prior were now between them, caressing, worshiping. My breathing deepened as I found myself on he brink of another orgasm.

With an inward sigh that evolved into a moan, I opened my eyes finding Larry’s face above mine. His lips that’d whispered saccharine statements where inches from mine and as though he detected my thoughts he leaned in, giving me the sweetest kiss my lips had ever known.

His fingers continued to work, bringing me to the brink yet again. His fingers were warm but they were no match for the heat brewing between my thighs. I opened my lips to warn him, to urge him to retreat but all I managed to do was sob his name as my body yet again teetered over the edge and out of my control.

Spasm after spasm ripped me apart as Larry gripped my hips, seemingly holding me together. In the distance I heard my pleas – they were thin and broken. Both he and the liquor I’d overindulged in had drained my vitality.

Larry’s body lingered over mine and before I had the chance to enjoy the weight and warmth of him, he was sliding into my heat like a hot knife through butter.

His name was jerked from my mouth due to a mixture of shock, pleasure and pain. I hadn’t even realized he’d striped himself of his clothes but I was glad he had.

The initial sting resonated as more than just a physical ache – it was emotional. I’d been without him for too long. My body was being forced to readjust to what it’d once known so well. He’d been away for eons.

He’d left me longing, craving and aching for him. The effects of his neglect was burrowed deeper than I could’ve ever imagined.

I tried to ignore it but my body refused to. It stretched, ripping stitches from unhealed wounds.

“Why you cry?” He paused, hovering over me. “I hurt you, my baby?”

“No. I— it’s been a while.” I managed, wiping at my face before pressing my palm to his cheek. “I’m okay.”

He peered down at me through narrowed eyes as I willed his concern away. He didn’t look convinced but when I tighten both my external and internal grip on him he took heed to my words.

Pleasure consumed his entire face, causing the smoke of smugness to cloud my lungs. His breaths were short and heavy. His lips were open forming a small 'o’ and his nostrils were flared. He was in his own personal heaven.

“You feel so good.” He managed, moving slightly to extract his length only to roll back into me with a spell-binding stroke.

Our moans intertwined as our gazes locked. We both possessed expressions of awe. Had it been that long that we were shocked at the feel of each other? Had we really been that deprived of pleasure?

His length nudged my center over and over, building pressure in my womb. The fit was snug and with it came a mild ache but the pleasure overruled everything.

Larry quickly turned the living room into a stage for our performance. He had me on the floor, the kitchen island and had even attempted the couch until I reminded him that the expensive piece of furniture was a no sex zone.

With my mind set on the bed that we hadn’t occupied as a couple in forever I guided him there. Only Larry was as hopeless for me as I was for him and came to a stop in the hall, several feet away from our bedroom door.

The cool wall met my back as Larry’s heat settled against my front. My hands pressed into his shoulders as his did the same to my ass – gripping, massaging, positioning.

His eyes bore into mine as his length met my weeping center and with a thrust forward we were connected. Larry hissed and I purred, digging desperate fingers into his striated arms.

My thighs clutched his hips in a warm embrace as he rolled into my core, driving me nuts. Everything about him felt so good. It was impossible.

How had I had this man so many times and still managed to be in awe?

“Tu aime ça?” (You like that) He quizzed, rearing back only to meet me with a heart churning stroke.

“Ummhmm,” I moaned as my hand moved up to his jawline, finding it strained and pulsing.

“Je vous ai manqué,” (I missed you)

His voice was crowded with pleasure. It was deeper, coarser – dark. It was enough to make my nipples harden and clit throb. And as I moaned out, I wondered if it was the nature of his voice or what he was saying that did it for me.

“Je vous ai manqué,” The repeated statement nearly made me weep.

Moving forward I pressed my lips to his neck, earning his pleasureful groan. His neck was one of his many spots and one of my favorite places to worship. My tongue followed suit and my name fell desperately from his lips.

His pleasure dizzied me. My own thirst to please him made me lightheaded. It had been too long since I’d been able to. I was not only thirsty but hungry – desperate.

Gripping his shoulders, I adjusted my weight quickly shifting control in our current position. My back moved away from the wall and my thighs hugged Larry tighter as I lifted, grinding on his length.

“Fuck,”

“Mmm.” I moaned in his ear, harboring his length between my needy flesh.

I was his personal sanctuary. I wanted him to make a home out of me and never leave. I wanted to be responsible for everything that made him smile – everything that made him whole.

“Tell me you love me.” I purred, riding him with purpose.

With my thighs burning and lungs quivering, I willed myself to slow down but the internal option do so wasn’t there. Instead I accepted the fact that I would expire while reminding my husband of exactly who he belonged to.

“I love you.” Came his gritted reply.

My hips worked faster. “You missed me?”

“You know I do.” His hands were frantically moving over whatever part of me he could reach as his face twisted in torturesome pleasure.

“You belong to me?” I moaned, unable to take my own ministrations.

“Fuck, Marlee.” His hands were at my ass, willing me to slow down. And I did but that didn’t stop the way I used my pelvic muscles to grip him, holding him hostage in decadence.

“Tell me.” I rotated my lower half, knowing my life depended on what he said next.

“I’m yours,” He hissed and his eyes crossed as I grinded. “Yours.”

The feel of his heat coating my insides took me over ten consecutive edges. I screamed and gushed and shook. And just when I thought stability was near Larry’s voice sounded.

“We not done.”

And we weren’t. By the time we made it to the bed Larry had found a powerful source of energy. It fueled him, urging him to mold my body to his liking, fucking me like only he knew how.

“You missed me?” He asked the question for the billionth time as he took my body from the back.

My breaths were short bursts, symbolizing my struggle. My arms quivered as I fought to hold my upper half up. My body was arched and melting into the mattress, adding strain to my every muscle.

I was tired but still I wanted more. I wanted it all.

“Answer!” His hand met the globe of my ass with a prickling slap.

“Yesss!” I finally gave in as my arms gave out, planting my face into the plush mattress.”I missed you so much.”

Silence filled the room and his body left mine. Too weak to move, I lay there, trying to catch every breath Larry had fucked out of me.

My hair that I’d spent way to much time curling now stuck to my neck and back in wet chunks. My makeup that I’d delicately painted on my face was now smeared all over my expensive duvet. Erin’s dress was somewhere in a ball that would make her want to choke me.

Larry had ripped me apart and left me open and I couldn’t’ve been happier.

The thought of him made me raise my head but the feel of his tongue moving up my pussy from the back made me drop it just as quick.

Curses and prayers left my lips as he dragged me closer to his face. I moaned and twisted under his oral assault. His tongue was an agile snake, writhing over my most sensitive spots. He knew exactly what I liked and did it to perfection. He deconstructed my pleasure and put it back together again.

Unable to deal with how good he was making me feel, I pistoned forward only for him to thirstily pull me right back to his waiting mouth.

“No run.” He warned upon slurping at my moist folds.

“Larry,” I whimpered as my stomach clenched.

My breathing grew erratic as his tongue teased my opening before pushing into the tight space.

“Oh god!” My back bowed, nearly folding in two.

Larry held me firmly against his face as I tried to crawl away from him. He was a sadist and he was out to end me.

“You taste so good.” He groaned, peppering kisses on the curve of my ass before licking my slit from top to bottom.

A sharp spasm of need coursed through my womb when his tongue met my clit. I was close – so close.

“I can’t get enough of you.” His whispered against my pussy.

“Please,” I begged as pleasure burned me alive.

Pressure continued to build in my womb as he bathed my clit with more attention than it could take. He stroked it, licked it, kissed it, sucked it into his sweet mouth. And with every second the needy bud begged for more and more attention.

Bliss echoed through my frame as I bucked back against his face. His tongue was both decadent and annoying. My every cell craved his mouth, every fiber praised his tongue.

My stomach ached as cramps of pleasure rippled through me only retreat under the guise of Larry’s tongue. He was teasing, bringing me to the point of nirvana only to withdraw and do it all over again. He was a maniac.

“Lar– ry,” I cried as he slid a lone finger past my folds and sucked my clit into his mouth.

“Fuuuckfuck fuck!” I wailed as the erotic embers that had been building in my womb detonated, sparking massive fire. My body shook as a tsunami of utter bliss heaved through my body. And when I couldn’t take anymore pleasure I passed out.

-

I felt like I was floating. My steps were lighter, my shoulders lacked all strain, my eyes were bright – optimistic. I felt great. For the first time in months I felt genuinely happy.

Larry was back.

It wasn’t the sex that sparked my sudden positive outlook on our marriage. It was the feeling – the energy. Nothing he could have said or done to me in the past few hours could have made me feel as good as his energy did.

I knew Larry – arguably better than myself. Majority of the time I felt him. We were in tune and always had been, until recently – the last year or so.

When we lost Laurent things changed, we didn’t feel as in tune. I felt the disconnect then, and I’m sure he felt it too.

When Luzy came into the picture, things went from bad to worse. Not only could I not connect with him but I couldn’t understand him – the things he said and did, the things he didn’t say and didn’t do. I felt like I didn’t know him, like I’d completely lost touch.

I had lost him.

But now he was back.

Just hours ago, I was sitting on Erin’s couch over-indulging in wine as thoughts of my failed marriage and tarnished relationship with my husband filled my brain. I was down and depressed and everything in between. I had no idea of what my future would look like, and that bothered me.

Now, in the wee hours of the morning, I was nearly skipping down the halls of the home I’d build with my husband, wearing nothing but the love he’d covered me in.

I chewed my lip, disrupting a smile as my mind went to how Larry and I spent the night. He’d somehow erased all the things I thought I knew about the pleasure he’d taught me. He took his time reacquainting himself with every part of me, going slow when I wanted him to go fast. He was thorough in his exploration and found delight in my pleasure. It had been too much.

In fact he was the reason I was up now. He’d depleted me of energy and now I needed to restore it. My bladder woke me up, my thoughts kept me up and my growling stomach forced me out of bed.

I hated the fact that I’d traded being tangled in my warm, expensive sheets and the lengthy limbs of my husband to pacing down the cool hall of my apartment. However, I knew I needed to eat. With nothing but liquor pooling in my belly I’d soon feel nausea creep up on me if I didn’t make any efforts to soak the poison up.

The fridge was mostly empty as I hadn’t exactly been home but I managed to find some provolone and cheddar cheese slices that I’d picked up from the deli a few days ago.

I placed both cheeses on the counter before going back for the mayo. From the cabinet, I grabbed ghee and some Texas toast that I’d bought at the same time that I bought the cheese.

A loud buzz cracked through the quiet air of the kitchen and I swiftly turned around, finding the source of the disruption to be Larry’s phone.

In my haze I’d neglected to turn on the light, as my knowledge of my kitchen and the refrigerator light had been great guides. The phone however illuminated, added a bright beam to the darkened kitchen as the alert came through.

With a quick glance I found an Instagram notification and quickly went back to forming the sandwich that would fill the void in my belly.

When my grilled cheese was constructed but not yet grilled I moved towards the cabinet for a skillet.  I shifted a few pots and pans, not finding what I needed. Sighing, I straightened my back and pulled the fridge open, hoping the light would be helpful – it wasn’t.

With a groan I paced towards the light switch only to stop when three consecutive buzzes came through Larry’s phone. And as I turned, eyeing the now illuminated device another came.

“The fuck?” I whispered, wondering why the hell his phone was so active at 5:30 in the morning.

I briefly wondered if it were someone, uncaring of the time difference, in Paris trying to reach out. That thought alone rerouted my steps and the fact that the phone buzzed yet again when I reached it prompted me to collect the sleek device from the counter.

With my sandwich and my lack of light forgotten, I eyed the lock screen finding several Instagram notifications.

“Why does he even have the notifications on?” I wondered as they continued to pour through.

Curious as to what was going on, I quickly keyed in my birthday, unlocking the device. Larry’s phone or it’s contents had never been of any interest to me but this was weird.

I could see if he’d just posted a picture or something but his phone has been inactive for the past few hours, as he was with me and his phone was here.

My eyes narrowed as the app loaded and I quickly went to his notifications. Majority was of him being tagged in things but that was the normal. My stomach growled and I kissed my teeth, ready to end my nosy ways and quell my hunger.

My finger swept over the home button only to pause and then lift when a new notification came in with my name attached.

@Ltladi3berlin: I can’t believe this! That bitch is a snake! I wonder if @itsmarleeheaux knows. @lestwinson shame on you!!!

My mouth fell open and I quickly clicked the photo corresponding with the tag. A series of iMessage screencaps consumed the screen, forcing me to narrow my eyes.

It took all over .2 seconds to figure out who the conversation was between. It took .4 for seconds to differentiate my husband’s broken English from the other messenger – Luzy.

My heart nearly pounded out of my chest as I clicked my way back to the mentions, finding a different screencap.

I chewed my lips viciously as the words carved into my flesh. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. This was a woman who Larry claimed was his good friend and she was regarding him like this – like she was his girlfriend, his mistress.

I went to another screencap. There was a ton of them. They’d had more conversations in these few thread photos than we’d had in months.

A baby, I thought unable to believe that he’d confided in her about my issues with carrying to term. He’d talked to her about our problems, my problems and she was using my shortcomings as a selling feature for herself.

“Chink,” I jumped at the light sound of his voice. I hadn’t heard him come in, then again it was hard to hear anything over the shattering of my heart.

With my face slack and lips tight I stared at him unable to believe that the man standing before me was the same one I’d fallen in love with years ago. This wasn’t the man I’d married and created a million blissful memories with. The man I was looking at right now was a stranger – a liar and a cheat. A monster. He wasn’t mine.

And I didn’t want him to be.

Unable to stomach looking in his lying face for a second longer I pressed the power button, putting the phone to sleep. The gesture successfully killed all light in the room, leaving the space in front of me seemingly black.

Despite the fact that I couldn’t see him, I could still see him. His quizzical eyes and crumpled nose. His mouth that formed and 'o’ and his barely there brows that rose to meet his hairline.

Moving forward I stopped just before him, pressing the phone into his warmth. The feel of his fingers moving over mine as he accepted the Apple device made me want to vomit.

“Get out.” I hissed, moving around him and exiting the kitchen.

He was hers now and I wished that bitch the worst of luck.

(present)

“You quiet,” Larry observed through a sigh.

“I’m fine.”

I wasn’t fine.

And he knew it.

“You not but – I’m ready whenever you ready for talk about it.”

We had talked about it, in Maldives. Larry had reluctantly told the tale of how ’his friend had betrayed him and posted things he’d told her’. Those things were about me – about us.

In Maldives I’d spared myself the details of those things. I hadn’t wanted to torture myself. What I didn’t know couldn’t hurt me – as bad.

To my dismay, my brain and faulty memory system had different plans. Torturing me with a vivid recollection of the moment Larry’s phone, enhanced with screen caps from Luzy, found itself in my grasp.

It hurt.

It hurt so bad to know that Larry had ran elsewhere to speak about me, and my shortcomings and his unhappiness. He’d ran to her and told her things he should’ve been telling me.

God, it hurt.

“I go get Millie from Roy’s. You come?”

“Nah,” I sighed, running a hand over my hair. “See you when you get back.”

-

what about the time you said you didn’t fuck her?