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sugrhigh · 5 months

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THE BOY IS MINE - ( m.s )

REQUESTED**

summary- after years of friendship, you’ve seen matt date people before, but none of them have been as bad as this new one. you’ve never interfered with any of the girls in the past, but one night she takes it too far and your true feelings come out.

warnings- cursing, unprotected sex (pretend ur on birth control but also wrap it before you tap it), choking, cheating, dom!matt, it’s smut with a plot guys are we surprised (read at ur own fucking discretion PLEASE!)

a/n: thank you @stonermattsgf for the request!! i fucking loved this concept and the song eats down i hope i did u some justice <3 the touch it chris fic will be coming too cuz im fuckin with that song as well (if you weren’t tagged it wouldn’t let me tag you, i’m sorry!!)

@fawnchives @teapartyprincess4two @sturnioloco @mattinside @l9vesick @sturnsblunt @ev3rgreenxtrees @wh0resstuff @matthewsmocktails @cherrypostsposts @bxbynyah7 @seababehh @sturnsfav @mattsluv @sturniolossss @melanch0lybby @sturniolos-blog @lustfulslxt @sturnioloobssesd @ginswife @amypull @vivianalovesmatt @st4niolos @sturnioloobessed @sturnlova @bigbeefybitch @minhyucks @iheart-zegras @vicsguitarr @melonjollyranche @hearts4matty @vickyzloserz @user8000000 @xoxo4chrisss @unfilteredassmf @mattsbiggesthoe @chrisstopherfilmed @st3rniolo @goldengrapejuice @luv2matt @vsangel-starbies @mikaelabutterfield @mattnchrisworld @bluesturniolo333 @wurlibydominicfike @kp07on @hayleyreadsblog

in no universe did you expect to be pining after one of your best friends.

it had always been strictly platonic between you and matt, aside from a little harmless flirting over the years. you loved him and his brothers so much that you never wanted to mess anything up, or complicate things when the dynamic was already perfect.

but as much as you’re close with each of them, you know you’ve always understood matt on a deeper level. you share the same goals, the same fears, even the same taste in music and movies.

he’s always been the first person to check in, the only one who can read your mood like the back of his hand, the guy who cheers you up and lets you cry on his shoulder when things are shitty.

despite these sweet gestures, you’ve both had your fair share of relationships and flings while being best friends. none of them have ever bothered you before, and you’ve always tried to be respectful and kind to whichever girl he picks.

that is, until now.

matt is sitting across from you on the couch in their living room, slight frown etched on his face. his girlfriend, maya, has her legs sprawled across his lap comfortably, arms linked like she’s claiming him.

her eyes are practically locked on you. you don’t blame her; she’s well aware that you’re not her biggest fan.

all she does is complain about all of the things she doesn’t like about matt. last time she hung out with you guys, she was bitching about the fact that he kissed her in public at a party, as if she was worried he was scaring off other guys.

when he buys her flowers, they’re the wrong ones. if he takes her to dinner, she whines about the food. she’ll even criticize his clothes, demanding that they match and he hides the tattoos. to her, he can’t do anything right, even though he’s incredible just the way he is.

so it drives you absolutely insane watching the way she walks all over matt, all over his brothers, even you. it’s been two months of this agony, and you can’t believe it’s even lasted this long.

you spend nearly every day thinking about how much better you could treat him. every time he touches you, no matter how briefly, your skin burns in desire. it’s selfish to want someone who’s taken, and you’re well aware of that.

but you just love matt, you know him. and he deserves better. maybe it’s you, maybe it’s not. but it’s certainly not maya.

“give it to me, fuckhead.” chris’s voice rips you out of your trance, and you snap your head toward the middle of the U-shaped sofa.

he’s currently fighting nick for the remote, who slaps the side of his arm rather hard. chris lets go, only to pull his brother into a headlock seconds later. nick lets out a yelp of surprise, jamming an elbow into his side to get him to stop.

in all the commotion, you decide to grab the remote for yourself, a wide smile settling across your features as you take it into your palm.

they both notice quickly, groaning in protest as you wave it at them tauntingly.

“too slow! now i get to pick, idiots.” you tease.

“c’mon, i just went to war for that thing.” nick complains, kicking your leg half-heartedly, but you just shake your head.

“snooze you lose.”

you scroll through your options, trying to pay no mind to the way maya is whispering to matt for so long she could be reciting the bible. then your eyes land on a title that makes you pause, chuckling a little to yourself.

“oh no way, they have fucking cocaine bear on here?” chris cackles.

nick looks rather amused himself, raising his eyebrows like he’s intrigued. “i mean, i’m game.”

you glance over at matt, who’s already looking at you with a grin on his face. he mentioned the movie to you a little while ago, and how he just had to see how stupid it was eventually.

“why would we waste our time watching this shit? isn’t it supposed to be awful?” maya chimes from beside him, and your gaze narrows in on her.

“it’ll be funny, you know, ‘cause it’s so bad.” you reply, trying to keep your voice light and friendly.

she tilts her head to the side slightly, studying you with disapproving eyes. “yeah, i’m not so sure about trusting your taste. i mean, that god-awful outfit is just one example.”

the air seems to be sucked out of the room as you grip your sweats self-consciously. nobody moves, nobody speaks. you feel the anger flare up in your veins as you look at matt, wondering if he’s going to step in like he should.

but he doesn’t. in fact, he’s avoiding your gaze altogether. so you square your shoulders and turn your focus back to the girl you dislike so much. you’re done with the passive aggressive comments, with all of the bullshit glares and insults.

you’re done letting her bulldoze you. if matt wants to go through that, fine. but he doesn’t have to take everyone down with him by subjecting them to maya’s presence.

“well, you seem to be the only one who has a problem with my taste, so maybe you should just leave.” you say calmly, smiling sarcastically at the end because you can’t help it.

her mouth pops open, and you can hear chris and nick trying to stifle their gasps and chuckles. even the corner of matt’s lips turn up, which makes you wonder.

maya turns to look at her boyfriend, completely astonished. “are you seriously going to let her talk to me like that?”

he seems conflicted as he briefly looks your direction, clearing his throat to buy some time. you tilt an eyebrow, crossing your arms like you’re just waiting for him to pick his side.

she may have asked the question, but now you’re dying to know the answer.

“maya is right. and, uh, i think you should apologize.” matt fumbles with his words, unable to speak to you directly.

you feel the fury work its way up your face, and you force yourself to blink away the burning sensation of frustrated tears. maya looks far too satisfied, and you want to slap the smirk off of her face.

but you know you can’t lay hands on her, so you decide your words will have to be your knives.

“you know what, i am sorry,” you begin, raising your hands in surrender.

they’re both a bit surprised by this change in direction, so after a brief pause, you continue.

“i’m really sorry that you’re dating a stuck up bitch. i’m sorry that she’s constantly taking advantage of your kindness. i’m sorry that she treats you like shit, that she talks down to you like you’re a child, that she’s never satisfied with the things you do. and i’m especially sorry that you continue to let her, because you can do so much better.”

if maya’s eyeballs could pop out of her skull, you would imagine it would be exactly like how she looks right now. matt is also slack jawed beside her, and you can’t be near him any longer.

so you stand up, turning to leave the boy you love so much without another word.

the fresh night air of spring is a relief once you step out the front door, and you try to let it calm you as you hustle toward your car. you can already feel your phone buzzing in your back pocket as you move, presumably nick and chris.

you hope they’re not angry. it’s bad enough knowing that you’ve royally fucked things up with matt, but you couldn’t bare it if all three of them hated you.

you practically toss yourself into the drivers seat, slamming the door closed with a force that shakes the entire vehicle. you’re peeling out of the driveway before you can even reflect on the consequences of your actions, speeding home as if your life depended on it.

your ringtone continues to erupt as you drive along the backroads, but you force yourself to ignore it for the time being.

only once you throw the car into park in your own driveway do you check the messages, scrolling through the numerous notifications. unsurprisingly most of them are from nick and chris like you presumed, wondering if you’re alright and applauding you for finally standing up to the wicked witch of the west.

for a brief moment, their kind words make you feel better.

but then your eyes catch a contact that you actually don’t expect; matt’s. you stare at your device, throat going completely dry. a missed call and two texts.

matt

i’m coming over

don’t bother saying no, im already on my way

that was five minutes ago, which means he’s not too far behind you. you tear out of your car and across the yard, throwing the door open carelessly.

your heart is still slamming against your ribcage, and fear crawls up your throat as you press your back to the wood, kicking your flip flops off in the general direction of the coat rack.

your mind flashes to the idea of him yelling at you, which you suppose would be somewhat warranted. you’ve seen matt angry on a couple of occasions, and you can’t imagine he has anything kind to say to you right now.

you pace the foyer as you wait for his arrival, picking at the beds of your fingernails anxiously.

and then it happens; the loud knock on the front door, followed by another series of harsh slams.

impatient motherfucker.

you straighten up as your palm wraps around the knob, sucking in a breath before pulling it open to reveal a rather disheveled matt.

he’s breathing heavy, hair messy as if he’s been tugging at it for the entire drive. his earrings glint in the porch light as he stares at you like he’s trying to commit every feature to memory, wetting his lips hungrily.

“matt—”

you barely get his name out before he wraps his ring-clad fingers around your throat, pulling your mouth to his harshly. he molds against you perfectly, his other hand traveling to your hip to hold you flush against his own body.

he just couldn’t help it. he was so desperate on the entire ride over, replaying your outburst on a loop in his mind as he drove further and further away from his girlfriend. there’s been only a few occasions he’s seen you that upset, and your comments had been a necessary slap in the face.

plus, watching you fight for him when he was too much of a bitch to do it himself was a bigger turn-on than he’d like to admit.

all he’s ever wanted is you. and it shouldn’t have taken this long to admit it to himself.

matt guides you backwards, hand still squeezing your neck as he blindly kicks the door shut with one foot. you feel your back bump against the kitchen counter, and you’re trying to register what the hell is going on, but his kiss is so fucking intoxicating that it’s impossible to think clearly.

his tongue slides against yours passionately, and the flavored chapstick you’re wearing is driving him insane. you can feel him growing hard against your thigh as he toys with the elastic waistband of your pants suggestively.

you have no idea if this means it’s officially over with him and maya, but you find that you quite frankly don’t give a shit.

in this moment, he’s yours.

his fingers finally dip into your sweats a few seconds later, traveling down to brush against your clothed heat as he moves his mouth to your jaw sloppily. a breathy moan escapes before you can stop it, involuntarily rutting your hips against his cold rings in search of more friction.

one of your hands goes to grip the hair at the nape of his neck while the other claws at his back, desperately wrapping your knuckle around the cloth of his muscle tee.

“you like that?” matt grumbles against your throat, nipping at the skin as he begins to apply real pressure to your cunt in little circular motions.

your back arches and you tilt your head to the side so you can give him full access, silently hoping he’ll leave a mark behind.

“you’ve been thinking about me touching you like this, haven’t you? wishing i would come fuck you instead of her?” he questions further, moving his head slightly so he’s speaking directly into your ear.

the hand that was choking you slides down so he can grope your chest, his thumb running over one of your hardened nipples through the thin shirt you’re wearing. the combined pleasure has you whining in his grasp, a submissive sound that you wish you weren’t making.

you can feel him grinning as he presses his mouth to that sweet spot below your earlobe, his tongue darting out to wet the area.

“you want me just as much.” you manage to find your voice, though your claim is muttered with no conviction.

matt pauses his movements and brings both hands to your waistband again, which makes you whimper as you clench around nothing. his mouth finds yours briefly to swallow the sound, and he bites down on your bottom lip as he pulls away.

“you’re not wrong. so are you gonna give me what i want, baby?” he asks as he teases your sweats and panties just a little lower on your hips.

“keep going.” you plead.

you let go of your grip on his body so he can tug both items down to your ankles, helping you step out of their grasp before discarding them a couple feet away.

matt doesn’t immediately stand back up; instead he takes his time, kissing the side of your knees as his hands slide up the outside of your thighs. you feel so exposed, so on-display that you clench your legs together before you can help it.

he immediately pries them apart, shaking his head slightly with a little smirk. “don’t be shy now, you had so much to say earlier.”

his words spur you on, so you spread yourself wider, opting to grip the counter as he reattaches his lips to your inner thighs. matt inches closer and closer to where you really need him, taking his time to nip at the supple flesh that comes before.

he pulls away right when you think he’s finally about to put his mouth on you, letting his hot breath fan across your soaked center. it makes you shiver in anticipation, and you’re getting a little too needy now.

“quit fucking teas—oh shit.”

you throw your head back as his two fingers spread you apart, tongue coming in contact with the middle of your cunt as he laps at the wetness that had pooled there.

he slows his pace slightly after a moment, making sure to pay attention to the whole area, working his way up until his nose bumps against your clit. you spit a curse out, letting one hand go so you can grip his soft hair.

matt continues on, his lips closing around the sensitive bud so he can apply more pressure and suction. your gut flips at the sensation and your grip on his roots tightens as his mouth works.

he grumbles, loving the way you’re pulling at him so desperately. the noise sends vibrations through your core, which only makes the experience more enjoyable.

“fuckkk, matt, feels so good.” you praise dumbly, your words slurring.

the vocal admiration makes his pulse quicken, and at this point he’s straining against his jeans. he just can’t believe he’s got you like this, grinding your cunt against his face as if he’s the best you’ve ever had.

he can tell you’re growing closer just based on the little gasps and moans leaving your mouth, and your legs begin to shake ever so slightly. but he won’t let you finish just yet.

“want to be inside this pretty pussy.” he pulls away to say it, pressing one more wet kiss to the delicate area before he gets up.

you’re craving more, so you decide to take initiative, reaching for his belt and fumbling to undo the buckle. you tear it from the loops and toss it away, moving to his zipper as he reaches behind his head to tug his loose tank off.

his pants fall to the floor, leaving him in only his tented boxers. he’s quick to kick his shoes off, followed by his jeans right after.

then his hands go to your waist, fingers digging into the smooth flesh.

“up.” he instructs bluntly, helping lift you onto the end of the marbled countertop so he’s standing between your legs.

he lifts your shirt up next, and you help him out by throwing your arms above your head so he can fully remove it. his eyes train downwards, admiring the way your sheer bra hugs your tits. it hardly leaves anything to the imagination, and matt finds it extremely hot that you’ve been wearing it all night without him knowing.

before he can make a move, you surprise him by reaching back confidently to unhook the garment yourself. you let it slip from your shoulders before throwing it to your side, revealing your bare chest to him wordlessly.

he pulls his lip between his teeth as he exhales, gently guiding you downwards so your back is pressed flat against the cool surface. matt looks intimidating standing over you, his dark eyes drinking in every inch of your body.

“you’re so fucking sexy.” he says in awe, leaning down to give you another real kiss, a salty mix of sweat and arousal on his lips.

then he finds his way down to your collarbone, staying there shortly before traveling between the valley of your breasts. without warning, he presses his tongue flat across one nipple, flicking it back and forth.

you push your chest further into his face with a moan, both hands in his hair this time. he moves to the other perky bud, sucking on it as his teeth graze the tissue ever so slightly.

you’re practically writhing underneath him, and you can feel the pit growing in your stomach again. so even though it feels incredible, you yank his head back off of your chest by his hair.

“need you to fuck me.” you mutter, pushing his hair out of his face with both of your hands.

matt nods once, straightening so he can slide his underwear down. his erection finally springs free, pink tip glistening with precum. you watch as he spreads the wetness around, pumping himself in his hand a few times.

he’s bigger than you expected, and your mouth is watering just thinking about how much you want him to be pounding into you already.

“wrap your legs around me princess.” he commands gruffly, and you do just as you’re told, hooking your ankles behind his back.

his dick presses against your heat, and you buck against it to try and feel more. matt is quick to steady your hips roughly, holding you down against the edge of the counter as he teases himself into your entrance.

you both moan, his low and rumbling, yours high-pitched and greedy. you use your thighs to pull him closer, forcing him to drive into you fully so you can feel that pleasurable stretch.

“mmmn—fuck, you’re so tight.” he sighs, giving you another moment before he begins to drag his cock in and out at a steady pace.

you rock with him as best you can, finding the perfect rhythm so that he’s plowing his full length into you, filling the house with the sound of skin slapping skin.

matt lets one hand wrap around your neck again to choke you, tattoos on display as his muscles flex, and the pressure traps your lewd cries in your throat. his other fingers continue to toy with your nipples, which makes you arch off the counter, head rolled back as your eyes screw shut.

“look at you, taking me like such a good girl. just like i knew you would.” he compliments breathlessly.

he starts snapping his hips harder, enjoying the way your tits bounce as you slide slightly against the slick counter. you look so fucking beautiful, mouth partially open, barely able to squeak out a moan.

never in a million years did matt think he’d get the opportunity to fulfill all of his shamefully dirty fantasies about you, but here you are, completely naked and spread out in your own kitchen.

you’re squeezing around him now with every stroke, and he somehow keeps getting deeper, hitting your g-spot in a way that makes you jerk.

the familiar feeling of your abs tightening occurs as you get closer to your orgasm, and you swear you’re seeing stars at this point. he’s right there with you, a groaning mess as your fingers reach up to dig into his bicep.

“yes, matt, right there! m’gonna—” you fumble over your words, unable to finish the thought as the satisfaction builds.

he uses the last of his strength to drill into you, moving both hands back to your waist quickly so he can slam you down on his cock a few more times.

“come all over this dick baby, don’t hold back.”

you’re practically screaming his name as you hit your high, releasing all over him as his hot cum spills into you at the same time.

he slows his movements as you look up at him with bleary eyes, enjoying the last moments of being inside you before he pulls out. you feel your mixed arousal dripping out onto the counter, and you don’t even care that you’ll have to clean it up later.

that was completely worth the mess.

your chest continues to heave as you relish in the come down, dropping your thighs from his hips so he’s free to move around.

but matt stays between them, leaning down to capture your mouth with his one final time. it’s brief, but it means more than either of you truly understand.

he’s the one to break it first, pressing his forehead against yours before he speaks. “you’re incredible, you know that?”

you smile weakly, pushing against his chest to put some distance between the two of you. reality is creeping back in, reminding you that this was probably a one time thing.

“help me down?” you ask, and he complies.

matt lifts you a bit as you slide off the countertop, setting you back on real ground a second later. you’re not sure what to say as you stand before him, completely fucked out and terrified of whatever is coming next.

“so, um…i should probably get cleaned up.” you try to sound casual, even though you’re feeling anything but relaxed.

he immediately notices the switch in tone, the way you’re wrapping your arms around yourself like you’re trying to shrink away and hide. he’s also pretty sure he knows where this insecurity is coming from.

his fingers go to grip your chin gently, demanding that you look him in the face. your eyes widen as he brushes his thumb along your swollen bottom lip.

“i’m cutting things off with maya. i just…love you. and i’m sorry it took me so long.” matt finally admits.

it takes a second to click in your brain, but when it does a wide grin spreads across your face. butterflies erupt in your stomach, and you kiss the pad of his finger as he moves it along your mouth.

“i love you too, but i think you knew that already.” you tease playfully.

“yeah, maybe. but i like hearing you say it out loud.”

#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #Spotify #matt sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #fanfic

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lxmelle · 21 days

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Those letters for his students was like Gojo’s way of showing consideration for them.

That’s what Geto Suguru, the “Gojo translator”, would say to them, if he was there.

I mean, there was a reason they were best friends - Geto understood him the best. He helped him learn how to (and the importance of) connecting to others - how to not be lonely.

It was the same in the scene with Kuroi. Right before he shouted for Gojo over the time, he just instinctively knew how to connect with Gojo and helped others with sympathising with Gojo.

I didn’t play the JJK game but I think the undercurrent dynamics is similar. Their bond. The exclusivity. Love. The whole breakup was about their friendship. The change the new generation got was also due to the path forged by them. As it stands, Gojo is shown to be largely misunderstood and nobody aside from Yuta has shown much affection for Gojo. Maybe Yuji ... to some degree. But I digress.

Maybe it’s an unpopular opinion, but considering how Geto-centred Gojo’s GIGA Character book was, he was likely influenced by Geto’s strong protective love for his “family”.

It makes sense to me that Gojo thought it would be important to put the students’ minds at ease with any thoughts/questions about their family. Hence the letters to help tie up loose ends.

Megumi was shown to be thinking about his father, whin he assumed was out there somewhere. Even if he didn’t want to know, there is a subconscious level of unfinished business from thinking this. And to know that Gojo killed him, may have helped him realise that his sensei had his back all this while. He was worth protecting all this while. That chapter of his life can truly close.

And just how bloody typical of his sensei, who has no “delicate-ness” about him!

As a sensei, and as a person, Gojo always protected others from his own personal concerns. He and Geto both stubbornly lived & fought “alone” because this was just their belief as the burden of the strongest = to protect others. The line was drawn and Gojo only ever wanted Geto to understand him, hence his conversation in 236. Only ever needed Geto by his side: hence his only complex was Geto leaving him behind.

We see this in how Shoko felt distant from them both. Stating in her inner monologue how she could never love either of them, but she was there - insinuating what they had between them was not something she could give (love) but her friendship was there if only Gojo let her in. And we see it in how, when she tried to connect with Gojo post-unsealing, by including Geto’s body as someone to be retrieved, he was a bit taken aback, starting his sentence with a long pause “……...” and keeping it simple / not elaborating (だな - it’s like the equivalent of a “yeah” but implies agreement).

Also, the fact the students and others can joke and call him an idiot, etc. means he really hid it well. Gojo protected them all. (As a teacher and adult should, I guess.)

I’m reminded of this scene.

Geto helped Gojo empathise & “not bully the weak”, but to also consider what else may be important... even if they may not think so themselves.

Until they receive what they thought they didn’t want, only to realise it was what they needed after all.

Cuz… y’kow: people (especially children) don’t always know what they want or need.

Sometimes what you want isn’t what you need. What you need isn’t necessarily what you want.

Gojo & Geto lived through that too... didn’t they? On so many levels… wanting, needing, denying, losing, yearning. Carrying their burdens they had nobody to share with. Making decisions on their own. Giving to the other a piece of their heart. Sacrificing themselves. Accepting each others loneliness as their own. Thinking they were better off loving the other by being apart.

The painful lessons that shaped the way for the new world. Children given the protection from The Strongest Sorcerer of the Modern Era. Granted a world with fewer curses for 10 years due to the Strongest Curse User.

Children who had adults to guide, protect, and care for them.

Children who do not have to be killed for the mistakes of others, who were forced to commit sins, or for being born a certain way.

I think every single sorcerer who were adults helped the kids in some way. The layers and layers of this story is just... overwhelmingly beautiful.

Much remains to be seen now. I’m worried that Yuta will have to live in Gojo’s body and that Kenjaku’s eerie words of Yuta being “the next Gojo Satoru” will extend beyond that battle.

People on X seem to be speculating whether a world without curses will exist (going back to jjk 0 and Geto’s ideals). What of the barriers without tengen? Some question reality as we are being shown - is it an elaborate dream? Hm.

I hope for the plant/flower trio at least... Megumi and Yuji can use their shared tragedy as vessels who committed sins to bond and support one another. Nobara is a great buffer and heroine in her own right. Their dynamics are really amazing. Independent, yet so bonded.

I’d love to see Gojo & Geto at peace. I guess whatever happens, chapter 236 is a bit like salvation. And doesn’t Megumi’s smiling pic (above) look similar? If these two smiled as if they had no regrets , we can assume Megumi smiled sincerely upon receiving the letter, too.

As long as Gege doesn’t do anything to change it.

Please please don’t. They deserve a reward for their hard work and sacrifice!

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btsvt-bar · 6 days

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off my face

pairing ꩜ fuckboy!wonwoo x afab!reader

sequel to this drabble, read it first to understand their dynamics ♡

warnings ꩜ smut, mdni!, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, belly cumshot.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

fuckboy!wonwoo who’s obviously whipped, but won't admit to it. when you say your hookup was a one time thing, he gets lowkey upset, but pretends he doesn’t care.

fuckboy!wonwoo who stops following you around like a puppy. he misses being around you, but he’s stubborn and decides it’s for the best if he takes some time away to get over you.

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets really drunk at this one frat party and kisses some random girl. in his head, he pretends it’s you. however, it’s not as good as it was with you on your night together.

you see the pathetic scene from across the room and roll your eyes at him. if you’re being honest, you expected him to chase after you. so you’re kinda disappointed when he walked away.

Nayeon sees your sour expression and nudges you lightly. "You should’ve told him how you feel" your sunbae comments while you take a large sip from your beer.

"He’s not interested, I chose well when I decided to keep my mouth shut" you reply before turning your back, deciding you had enough of Wonwoo drama for the night.

fuckboy!wonwoo who scans the room to see if you were watching. He feels his blood boiling when the realizes you’re chatting with his friend DK at some secluded corner.

fuckboy!wonwoo who leaves the party. You really ruined the night for him.

fuckboy!wonwoo who locks himself in his room for the rest of the weekend. It’s been a while since he played so much videogames, but he needed the distraction.

fuckboy!wonwoo who sees you walking around campus with DK by your side. he feels so fucking jealous when he sees you laughing and smiling so cutely at Dokyeom.

It’s Friday night and you’re at another frat party. You’re outside chilling with DK by the pool, with your legs inside the warm water.

"Have you noticed he’s obsessed with you?" DK points out, grabbing your attention from whatever Mina was saying.

"Who?" You play dumb.

"Wonwoo" the brunette sips from his cup. "He can’t stop looking our way".

You shrug. "He doesn’t care, he’s made it clear".

DK scoffs, sporting an incredulous look. "You don’t possibly believe that".

"I do" you try to convince yourself more than DK.

"Want me to prove you wrong?" DK smiled slyly. "How about we kiss? You’ll see he’ll lose his shit".

You analyze the boy by your side, from his prominent nose, cute crescent-shaped eyes and large smile. Dokyeom is handsome, eager to kiss you and you honestly would like to kiss him too.

"I’m not a home wrecker" you say, thinking about preserving DK’s and Wonwoo’s friendship.

"We don’t live together." That’s all it takes for you to throw your best sense out the window and pull DK in for a heated kiss.

fuckboy!wonwoo who sees the exact moment you kiss his friend. He lets his beer cup fall from his hand, wetting his and Jeonghan’s sneakers.

"What the fuck?!"

Jeonghan follows his gaze and lets out an amused laugh. "Looks like our Kyeomie got what we all wanted!"

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets up early the next morning and goes straight to your dorm. He spent the night raging and came to realize he likes you and wants to be with you.

fuckboy!wonwoo who knocks on your dorm door and wakes you up. Your hair’s disheveled and your eyes are barely open when you answer it.

"Wonwoo? Did something hap-"

"I like you, Y/N. I really, really, like you and it killed me to see you with someone else last night" he cuts you off and spits out his confession before he could chicken out.

You blink slowly, your face scrunched up in a confused expression. "You what?"

"I like you. I lied when I said that night was a one time thing for me, because it wasn’t. I only said that because you said it first".

"I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted". You notice some people are crowding the hallway, listening to your conversation. "It’s better if you come in".

fuckboy!wonwoo who shuts the door behind him. Your roommate is nowhere to be seen, and it makes him feel more comfortable.

"Look, me kissing DK meant nothing. It was a dumb idea, I didn’t want to hurt you".

"It’s ok. I was — well, am — jealous, but it’s ok" His cheeks tint red at his confession. "But you can make it up to me".

fuckboy!wonwoo who basically jumps you when you allow him to. He gets you both naked in no time, sliding between your legs and kissing down your body.

fuckboy!wonwoo who eats you out diligently, licking and sucking on your lower lips and clit with enough expertise to make you see white in no time. He keeps teasing your fluttering whole with his thick fingers, but never gives you what you want.

fuckboy!wonwoo who can’t wait to get inside you and turns down a blowjob. "We can do that later" he promises and he positions himself at your entrance.

He pushes in slowly, making you both moan out loud. You’re sure everyone is listening to what you’re doing, but you honestly don’t give a damn.

When Wonwoo bottoms out, his hips move hard and quickly.

fuckboy!wonwoo who grabs your hand and intertwines your fingers. You smile brightly and, with your free hand, pulls he in for a loving kiss.

fuckboy!wonwoo who makes you cum first before letting himself go. He pulls out and empties his balls on your stomach, you’re so spent that you don’t even mind.

He falls by your side on your small bed, sparing a few moments to catch his breath. He lays so still you think he fell asleep, but he sits up and asks "Do you have wet wipes?"

fuckboy!wonwoo who cleans you up and helps you get dressed again. He puts his dark blue boxers back on and cuddles you, feeling his eyelids weighting a thousand pounds.

"Nonu?" you call him by the nickname only you used. "Yeah, pretty?"

"What are we?" you ask with a shy tone. You needed to be sure, so you could rest. Wonwoo gets up on his elbow to look at you before answering:

"Boyfriend and girlfriend." He states. "But give me a few hours so I can ask you properly. You deserve something better than this".

fuckboy!wonwoo who nearly melts down when you smile so prettily at him. You kiss him again, feeling super happy.

Wonwoo lays down again and pulls you close to his chest, almost instantly falling asleep with you on his arms.

fuckboy!wonwoo who sneaks out to buy flowers, chocolate and a huge bear so he can officially ask you out.

The next day, everyone is talking about how the shy angel managed to tame the infamous fuckboy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

m.list ♡

#seventeen smut #wonwoo smut #seventeen fanfic #wonwoo fanfic #seventeen hard hours #wonwoo hard hours #wonwoo hard thoughts #my works #wonwoo drabble #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #wonwoo scenarios

398 notes · View notes

liliansun · 9 months

Text

two “rules” one problem

pairing : ex-bff!hyuck x fem!reader

wc : 14.8k

synopsis : despite your history, you and haechan couldn’t stand each other. that is till you’re paired up for a project and he’s just desperate enough for your help with his love life with the acception of his stupid rules

genre : enemies2lovers (best trope), ex-childhood friends to lovers (also best trope), fake dating, angst, fluff, college au

warnings : swearing, kissing, alcohol, haechan gets jealous, lying, uhh idk what else but lmk if i missed something (not proof read so i’m sorry 🥲)

If there was one thing twelve year old donghyuck wanted more in this world, other than his mom’s cooking, it was his two best friends coming together. You had been his friend since birth, both your mom’s bonding together before the two of you even came into the world. They met in a birth class, having similar due dates helped them both find comfort and friendship within each other compared to the other moms in the class that were farther along than them. They had already planned playdates after both you and donghyuck were born and even after all that time, they stayed true to those plans.

Your earliest memories have donghyuck in them in some shape, way or form. Whether he was attending you birthday party, or you to his, all the way to the two of you sharing the same home room when you both started school. The dynamic between you two was truly unmatched, something that could never be touched or fault. When you two got older, not much had changed. The excitement of high school had you both buzzing as each day passed through your final years of being just below the line of being a teenager.

Although you both were attached by the hip, you still found space in your young life to befriend other people, or at least donghyuck did. Thats how mark lee came into the picture, being a transfer student in the middle of the year made it hard for him to settle in and become comfortable. Donghyuck saw mark sitting along during lunch one sunny afternoon and although the two had a bit of a rocky start, their friendship blossomed into something that they both needed. Now that he had such a connection with his new found friend, all he wanted to do is share his love for mark with you. You thought you were a welcoming person, easy to get along with and fairly nice, but the day donghyuck brought you and mark together would just so happen be the day you lost your best friend.

“I’m telling you, that doesn’t sound right to me.”

Mark rolls his eyes, laughing a little under his breath as he strums his slender fingers against the strings on his guitar. “Its not finished yet, gotta trust the process.” You simply reply with a hum as you watch mark fiddle and try to tune the strings to his liking. The two of you were cooped up in his dorm room, him sitting on the edge of his bed with the instrument rested in his lap while you opted to sit in the chair that usually was tucked under his desk. “What are you doing here anyway, don't you have other friends to bother instead?” Rolling your eyes, you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket. “Actually, no i don't, i thought we went over this. Yeongmin is off studying so she can’t aid my boredom.”

Mark continued strumming along the strings till he got a rhythm he liked and started to hum along with the tune that was filling the room. “I swear you’re gonna be famous one of these days.” Looking down at your phone, you notice the groupchat you’re in with your friends is going off. “That would be nice actually.” Unlocking your phone, a smile spreads across your lips at the messages that were popping up. “Maybe if you didn’t have crippling stage fright, you’d be able to actually play the songs you sing to more people than just me.” A gentle laugh left mark’s throat as he set the guitar down on its stand beside his bed. “Actually, I sing to Haechan too, so don’t come for me.” His name left a sour taste in your mouth, your face scrunching up as you try to block out his stupid face in your mind. Mark could tell you two still weren’t on good terms, but he didn’t want to push it again and opted to pick up his phone that was vibrating on his bed.

You stole a glace at the screen, catching the name of the caller id. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear.” You mumble underneath your breath. Mark answers the facetime call, holding his phone in his hand, but opting to hold it further down at an angle. “Yo, whats up?” The background noise was windy, letting both you and mark know that he must've been outside. “Bro where have you been, i've been looking for you for hours!”

“If you didn’t find him, he obviously didn’t wanna be found, but if its you he’s hiding from who can blame him.” Mumbling beneath your breath, but mark still heard you. “Hey, you be nice over there.” haechan looked confused on the screen, strolling around on campus to his unknown destination. “Are you talking to yourself again?” mark turned his camera around, showing you sitting comfortably in his chair as you scroll mindlessly on social media. “No, im not talking to myself again, y/n is here.” by the mention of your name, haechan rolled his eyes. “Why is she always there when im coming over.”

“I didn't even know you're coming over.” added in his defense after switching his camera back around. “If that thing is on his way, i’m out.” you piped up, grabbing your bag from off the floor as you stood up from the chair. “Text me when you make it in at least?” mark felt helpless sometimes. He never truly understood what went down between you and haechan all those years ago, but splitting his free time between the two of could could be more challenging some days than others. If he wasn’t chilling with you in the comfort of the few places you knew haechan wouldn’t be caught dead near like your dorm or the library, he was chilling with haechan and the friend group they developed over the years being in college.

“Will do, have fun with the devils incarnate.” You say back as you’re opening the door to make your exit. Just as you’re leaving, you come face to face with something firm or shall you say someone. “Do you ever use those eyes of yours or are they just there for decoration?” you recognized that voice from anywhere, it being the same voice belonging to the one person you were hoping not to see on your way out. “Can you move lee, or are you just that self absorbed to think that I could just see you standing outside the door before it was even open?” Haechan scoffed as you walked past him, huffing as you nudge him with your shoulder to get him out of your way. From mark’s dorm to yours wasn't a far walk, which was good for you when you needed to get out of your room or just needed his help on an assignment. Unfortunately for you, it meant that haechan too didn’t have much of a far walk either seeing that his dorm hall was across from yours.

When you get into your room, your roommate wonchae looked up from her phone as she was laid out on her bed. “I thought you were at mark’s for a few hours?” Tossing your bag down beside the door you huff as you walk over to your bed and crawl underneath the blanket after removing your shoes. “I was till donghyuck decided to grace mark with his presence.” Wonchae giggled as she sits up, looking at you getting comfortable beneath your blanket as you pull your phone out. “Wanna call the girls over for a movie night instead?” you glance over at her, a smile spreading across your lips as you prop yourself up on your elbow. “As long as we’re not too loud again, we can’t afford another complaint this month.” Wonchae was already texting the groupchat before you could even finish your sentence. The night proceeded with you and your friends having a movie marathon despite your early class in the morning. You assumed it wouldn’t be too much to unwind a bit, binge watching three movies back to back. Somehow, you didn’t make it to your bed when you initially planned to due to the twins, wonchae and yechae convincing you to pull through the last movie.

Since the time on the clock read after midnight by the time the movies were finished, the three girls opted to sleep over with you and your roommate instead of taking the risk of going back to their own dorms. Yeongmin’s dorm was the furthest from yours, being about a twenty minute walk and you all collectively agreed she especially was sleeping over. Somehow you and yeongmin both managed to fit in your tiny bed for the night while the twins and sin-ra snuggled up on wonchae’s bed across the room. By the next morning, you woke up to the sound of yeongmin snoring in your ear beside you. She had her arms and legs tangled in yous, trying to pry her off you as you crane your neck to look over at the time clock on your desk. Your worst fears were confirmed when the time read nine after when your first class was supposed to finish. Quickly getting out of the warmth of your bed, you scramble to get ready and are out the door before you can properly apologize for waking everyone up.

If you were lucky, or rather fast enough, you can catch your professor before he starts his next class and get the notes on what you missed. You make a mental note to thank yourself when you set up your schedule for this semester for giving you breaks in between classes, especially on the midday schedules. As your toppling up the stairs leading into the building, you spot haechan leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He hadn’t noticed you thankfully, not wanting him to hold the fact that you almost busted your face open trying to get inside over your head. He looked so into thought, looking out over the campus as you take the opportunity to grip the railing to catch your breath.

“Look who decided to show up for class today.” rolling your eyes, you straighten your posture as he pulls himself off the wall he once was comfortably leaning against. “Don’t start with me today, i almost died trying to get over here to catch professor choi before his next class.”

“Don't bother, he cut class short for some family emergency or something, but i can fill you in if you fix your attitude.” He truly was the epitome of your frustration. “Just tell me what i missed so i can get away from you as quickly as possible.” there was a mischievous glint in his eyes when he tools steps towards you. “Looks like you’re not gonna get too far, we’re partnered up for a presentation.”

If the universe didn’t already hate you, you’d think this was your first sign. “I can always request a partner switch, you know?” Haechan only laughs in response, clutching the bag hung over his shoulder with one hand. “Good luck with that, he made it pretty clear that he wasn’t giving in because this will be counted towards our final.” a sigh left your lips as you accepted your fate, you and haechan would have to spend an unknown amount of hours in each others presence without any chance at getting around it. “Just meet me after our next class and we can go over it then.” WIth that, you turned on your heals and made your way to the nearest cafe to get something in your body since you didn’t have the opportunity to grab breakfast. Thankfully for you, your campus was notorious for its tiny cafes placed around all of campus which not only helped feed your caffeine addiction, it helped other students make some money as they swim in student dept.

As good as every cafe you’ve been to on campus can be, none of them compare to the baristas at cafe neo, something about the way those boys make your drinks just the way you like them has been without a doubt why you only trust them with your order. As you make your way across campus and the cafe is within sight, you over hear a conversation between the two girls in front of you. “Oh my god, look what bomi just posted!” the one to your right gasped, whipping out her phone as she brings it to the slightly shorter girls attention. “You’re kidding, isn’t she dating haechan?” you’re trying not to be nosy, not fond of listening into other peoples conversation, but at the mention of haechan’s name, you can’t help, but keen in. “Guess not anymore, look at the caption, those hearts are definitely more than just friendly.”

The two part off of the way you were going, leaving you with little information as to what their reactions were about. You had just saw haechan, judging by his usual cocky and self absorbing nature, he seemed all but heartbroken. You push your wondering thoughts aside as you enter in the cafe, smiling over at the tall boy who stood behind the counter. “Welcome to cafe neo– oh hi y/n!” his nametag read jisung, but you always referred to him as the cute underclassman who blushed when you tipped him. “Hi ji, anything new on the menu?” Jisung smiled at you as you walk up to the counter. “Nothing today, chenle is still brainstorming over ideas to ask the culinary department on what they can come up with in the back, you just want the usual?” You skim over the menu that was hanging on the wall behind him, as if you got anything different, but it never hurt to look. “Mmm, yeah, just one please.”

Getting the money from your pocket, you lay it on the counter as he typed in your order on the screen in front of him. It’s times like this that make you wonder how often you come here for this boy to know your order by heart. He takes the money you laid out for him and as he tries to hand you your change, you throw your hand up in refusal. “No, you keep it, you boys work too hard.” theres a slight pinkish tent to his cheeks as he slips the few bills and coins in the glass jar beside the front of the counter. “I’ll call you when its ready!”

Throughout the rest of the day, you take your perfectly made drink with you to your next class and go about your day, everything feeling as normal as it could. One thing that slightly bothered you were the hushed whispers of Haechan’s relationship and how quickly his ex girlfriend seemed to move on. People were coming up with theories amongst themselves as to what could’ve happened and if Haechan knew. Just like you, some said he seemed fine for the first part of the day till the alleged post was made from which you overheard. You didn’t pay it any mind and went about your day till you were back in your room for the night.

“And if you carry this number, you should get one of these answers down here.”

“And how do i know if i got them right?”

“We won’t know till we actually try, now won’t we?” Jaemin, the guy who you shared a math class with last semester, asked you to tutor him this semester so that he might actually have a chance of passing the class and getting out of this hellhole. His words, not yours. “Or, brillant idea, you can use your pretty brain and show me which answer is correct.” Jaemin was indeed a smart guy, but it was moments like these that you questioned if he really had a multi functioning organ in that skull of his or was it just hot air. “Not a chance, solve it the way I showed you and we’ll go from there.” With a defeated huff, he finally puts the pencil that he has been fiddling with the last few minutes to work.

The two of you met in the library near his hall regularly, about twice during the week and an extra day is added when he has an upcoming test and if you have the time. The library usually was quiet around this time of day, most keeping to themselves as they cater to their own work, but for some reason you felt a pair of eyes staring at the back of your head. Just as you’re about to take a look around the room, the chair beside you is being pulled out and haechan finds himself in the seat next to you. “Where have you been?” you look over at him, slightly shocked to see him actually in the library. “Excuse me?” His face tells you that he’s annoyed, rolling his eyes dramatically as he leans into your personal space. “I said, where have you been, i've been all over campus for you and had to result to mark to find you.”

You motion to Jaemin who was focused in on the problem in front of him, or at least he was when you last looked his way. Now he has his signature grin on his lips, flashing his teeth as he witness the unwelcomed tension between you and haechan. “For your information, i’m tutoring pretty boy over here and your grumpiness is interrupting him.” Jaemin’s smile widens even more as the vein in Haechan’s forehead looks like it about to pop. “I, quite frankly, don’t give a fuck. maybe send someone a text next time so i don’t have to look so desprate to find you.” You scoff, sitting back in your seat as you realize his undertones. Who was he to say that looking for you made him look desperate, he literally is desperate in this moment.

“Sorry to break up this beautiful moment, but its about that time for me to go, so y/n, same time next week?” Nodding, you let out a sigh as Jaemin starts to pack his things into his bag and slings it over his shoulder. “There, happy now? You ran off Jaemin.” haechan ignores you, pulling his laptop out of his own bag and sets it onto the table. “We have roughly a month and a half to pump out a fucking book of an essay and make a slide point presentation, the faster we get this finished the less I have to see you in my free time.” He was truly unbelievable, first he comes and interrupts your personal time to help the needy, needy being Jaemin and his need to pass his class, and now he throws wanting to get away from you as quickly as he can? You are definitely adding this to the list of why you hate him.

The two of you go over the topic you were given, trying to break down the work between the two of you into categories: what you can do separate and what you’ll have to do together. Since you both were already here, you decided it would be best to get a head start on the research portion. Time must’ve caught up with you both, wrapping things up right before the library closed for the night. “I can’t look at this screen anymore, lets just end it here and meet up another day.” You grab your forgotten bag from the floor, carrying it on your arm as Haechan packs up his laptop. By the time he is done, you’re already making your way out the door and dredging the walk back to your dorm. Quick approaching steps trail behind you as haechan jogs to catch up to you. “Woah, not so fast, aren’t you forgetting something?” you don’t bother to stop, continuing your walk as he walks beside you. “And that is?”

“We don’t have any way of contacting each other, idiot, so give me your number.” You halt your movements and with a sigh, turn to face him. The bright sky from when you first entered the library earlier is now replaced with the deep colors of the night. The moon was full, shining its light down and being your only real light to see haechan’s features that seem more soft in this setting. “Do you still remember my number?” Haechan looks taken aback, looking at you with a lingering confusion in his eyes. “You still have that number?”

“Mhm, so if you still know it then there’s your way of getting to me.” You’re about to turn and make your way to your dorm, your stomach urging you to find food soon. Haechan was chewing on his bottom lip, reaching out for your arm as he watched you try to walk away. “What is it donghyuck? I’m hungry and tired, what could you possibly want now?” The wind leaves his lungs as you say his name. Once he got to high school, many people started sticking him with the nickname Haechan, the reasoning behind it was his bright smile and personality, but you still saw him as donghyuck even after all this time.

“Just come with me, your dorm is too far to be walking at this time of night.” You didn’t get a chance to protest, he was already dragging you along with him to his car parked out front. “Fine, but I swear if you try to kill me with your driving I will come back to haunt your ugly ass.” You earn a snicker from him, his hand still holding your arm till you two reach his car and you slide into his passenger seat. Haechan fits perfectly into the drivers seat, putting the keys into the ignition and starting up his car once you are locked in. The two of you don’t say much, letting the radio fill in the silence of the drive. You’re too busy looking out the window to realize he passes up your hall, looking over at him with confusion once you see an unfamiliar street.

“Uhm, where are we going?”

“Dinner.” The words fall from his mouth so nonchalantly that you don’t question it any further, sinking into the seat as you let him drive to wherever he wanted. You’re not exactly sure why, but part of you always wanted a moment like this. Sitting in the car with Haechan, driving around town till it got dark was one thing you dreamt of back when you were both young, back when you still could see yourself in his future. Now that you’re doing it, it almost feels foreign. Sure, everything about his car screamed Haechan, the little things dangling from his rear view mirror gave that away, but the boy beside you was far from familiar. He was uncharted territory, someone you barely knew and to be beside him, being this close to him brought on a headache you weren’t expecting.

The two of you pull through the Taco Bell drive through, getting in line behind the cars. “What do you want?” You tell him your order after glancing over the menu. Even though you already knew what you wanted, you still wanted to give it some time to tell him in the order you wanted it. You were the type of person who wasn’t afraid of change, but didn’t go out of your way to invite it either. Always ordering the same thing from each place you go, you found comfort in the things that could always remain the same, like your Taco Bell order.

After your order is put through, you’re pulling your wallet out to give him cash for your part. “Here, this is for the food.” Haechan simply ignores you, handing over his card to the guy at the window. “Hello? Take the cash before I take it back.” After getting his card back, he slips it into his pocket and pulls forward. “Save your money, y/n, it’s not a big deal.” He seemed short with you tonight, not speaking up or putting much of a fight into it like he usually did in the passing times you two saw one another. It felt odd to see him brush you off, an unsettling feeling washing over you as you put the money back into your wallet.

After he had gotten the food and your two drinks, he whipped his car around and parked in a spot on the side of the building. “Are you fine eating here, I’m kinda hungry and don’t wanna have to wait till we get back.”

“No, yeah, it’s fine, but are you okay?”

You could see his body tense up at your question, pushing the straw into your drink before doing so to his own. “I guess, why do you care?” You’re sorting through the bag, grabbing what you assumed was his and handing it over to him. He goes to grab his food from your hand, your fingers brushing against each other’s for a moment. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, the warmth of his hand against yours, but it felt all too familiar and you almost jerk back as he quickly grabs the food. “Because I’m a decent human being and I knew you well enough back then to know that something is off.”

If you could read his thoughts, you’d see how badly your words hurt him just now. You were far from wrong, you truly did know him like the back of your hand and maybe even better than he knew himself, but too much time between you two had you both wondering if you knew anything about each other anymore. Amongst the burning anger you both have for one another, there was still some sort of longing within you that had you both slightly questioning the downfall of your friendship, but never enough to where either would act on it. “I don’t know, it’s kind of weird to think of opening up to someone I hate.”

“Then don’t think about it right now, if you need someone to talk to then do so. If it means forgetting you hate me just to get it off your chest, do so donghyuck.” A somber smile finds its way onto his lips as he tears open the wrapping that covered his food. “You’re a little too nice to me for someone who hates me just as much as I hate them.”

“Just because I hate you doesn’t mean I’m evil, I have a heart too you know?”

“Oh really, I never would’ve guessed judging by the lifeless look in your eyes.” You roll your eyes at his jab, mumbling something about dropping it before relishing in your food. The two of you don’t talk much after that, sitting in his car with the only form of sounds filling it were you two eating till he dropped you off. After getting in, wonchae gave you a weird look as you looked both defeated and exhausted. You told her you had a rough day and wanted sleep to be the reason you forgot about it.

You hadn’t seen or heard from Haechan since the night he bombarded you in the middle of your study session with Jaemin then took you out to Taco Bell. Sure, you’d see him in your shared class, but not once did his eyes meet yours and he kept every snarky remark to himself if he had any. You didn’t pay it any mind, assuming whatever was going on with him would pass and he’d be back to his normal asshole-like self soon. In between your classes for the day, you decided to slip off to the neo cafe for some well needed caffeine to keep you going through the day. While you were here, you planned to slip off in a quiet corner and let the music they play in the small room milk your brain to help you continue working on the parts of your presentation with Haechan.

As you’re walking up to the counter, you notice Jisung was nowhere to be found and you opt to wait patiently by the counter. The ring of the bell signaling the doors movement doesn’t catch your attention, but the familiar voice behind you does when you turn your head to the boy who called your name. “Can I help you?” Haechan hadn’t turned to look at you, his eyes scanning over the menu. “What’s good here, do you know?” You give him a puzzled look, wondering where this small talk came from. “Uhm, if your taste buds are even remotely the same, I’d say you’d get the sweet honey taro drink, it comes iced or hot.” He simply nods, tearing his eyes from the menu and lets his gaze fall onto you. The two of you lock eyes for a moment, trying to find something that felt familiar behind them, but all you could see was the void behind his golden irises.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry to keep you waiting! Chenle was about to burn down the kitchen so I had to step away for a second.” Jisung’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, turning to him with a soft smile. “That’s okay ji, I’m more than happy to wait if that meant this sacred place would still be my caffeine plug.” Jisung smiles as he enters your order, his attention going from yours to Haechan whose gaze has yet to leave your figure. Your eyes follow Jisung’s, looking over at Haechan. “Oh, no we’re not—“

“I’ll just have what she’s having.” Haechan pulls out some cash from his back pocket, bringing it out for Jisung. Your mind couldn’t wrap itself around Haechan’s weird demeanor lately, he not only has been nice to you, but he’s paid for you twice. You knew he was sick in the head, but now you’re guessing it’s more than just his mental stability. When Jisung gives Haechan his change, you fumble with your pocket and pull out a few bills to throw into the tip jar, something you didn’t want to miss even if you weren’t the one paying. Jisung silently thanked you with his smile, to which you returned and told you both that he’d call you when your drinks were ready.

You were about to start questioning the weirdly quiet Haechan before he motioned for you both to move over to a table a little further in a corner. The two of you sat down, setting your bag against your chair as you prop your elbows up onto the table. “Okay, you’re acting weird and it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable.” Haechan’s lips part as he goes to speak, but Jisung’s presence interrupts him as the younger boy sets both the cups down. “Thanks, ji.” You said, grabbing one of the drinks and bringing it towards you. “Y/n, back in the car you said something that I’ve been thinking about lately.” He had your full attention, something that made him oddly feel sheer to you. You were leaned in, your body language letting him know that you were listening, despite the awkwardness of the moment.

“You said that even though you hate me, you still have a heart too.” Nodding in confirmation, you remember saying it, but it didn’t make sense as to why he was bringing it up. “I, uhm, don’t know if you heard or not, but my girlf—my ex broke up with me recently and I really want to get her back.” You bring the cup in your hands to your lips, taking in a slow sip in case his next words are your cause of death. “And the only way I can think to do that is to make her jealous and I know what you’re thinking and I can hear it now, but just hear me out?” There it was, his intentions and reasoning behind his odd behavior lately. As you process his words, you already know where this is going and your drink decides to be the one to take you out today instead. You start to choke as the liquid goes off its track and nearly comes back through your nose.

Haechan’s eyes widen, staring at you in surprise as you try to gain back the air that just left your lungs as you cough. “Are you okay?” You simply nod, patting your chest as your drink is put back onto the table and you’re taking in slow breaths to steady yourself in the seat. “Uh yeah, no wait, okay hold on, you want to do what now?” The boy across from you drops his head slightly, feeling embarrassed by even bringing up the situation. Yeah, he wanted his ex back, he truly loved her, or so that’s what he thought it was. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but you’re the only person I thought of.”

“And what makes you think it’ll be believable? I mean the whole campus knows we hate each other.”

“But they also know we have history, plus this project will be a good enough cover to make them believe we had some spark going off or whatever.” You stay silent, contemplating the whole ordeal. On one hand, this could go terribly wrong in many ways, people could not believe you two and this could blow up in your face for the rest of your time at this university or it could go great and once he’s back in the arms of his ex lover, he’ll finally leave your hair for good. “I’m not saying yes, so don’t get too excited, but if I were to think about it, what do I get out of it?” Haechan knew you were going to want something, a slight smirk forming in the corners of his lips. In his mind, he guesses some things never change and with that, neither have you. “I’ll leave you alone after this, no more bickering or picking at you and shit—oh and I’ll do half of your work for the project!”

Damn, he truly was desperate. You press your lips together, trying to debate if this truly would be worth it. The outcome, if good, would be best for both parties and maybe you’d finally have a peaceful rest of your time here. Something deep down inside tells you it’s a bad idea, but you choose to ignore it because if it meant he’d take over half of what you have to do on your shared presentation, more free time for you. “I have to go to class, but I’ll let you know by later tonight.” Your watch indicated if you didn’t leave now, you’d be late for your next class and since you have a lab today, you especially didn’t want to miss it. You go to stand, one hand holding your bag while the other grabs your cup. Haechan stands too, his bag still hanging on his shoulder as he goes to grab his cup. The two of you exit the Neo cafe quietly, unaware of the lingering eyes that follow you two out.

After your final class, you make a b-line to Mark’s dorm where he was expecting you. It had been a few days since you two had time to hang out and you both were taking the opportunity to have some study time together in the quiet of his dorm. Once he signs you in as a guest, you both go up to his dorm and make yourselves comfortable, you being at his desk and him sitting on his bed. “What do you have to get done?” Pulling out your notes from your lab along with your laptop, you set everything out on his desktop. “Just going over some notes and typing them into a small essay for class, you?”

“Man, I got a quiz to study for and since professor moon likes to give them at the worst times possible, I gotta get as much as I can in.” The two of you fell into a comfortable silence as you both busy yourselves in what you were doing, Mark had his speaker on and chose a calming playlist he created for when you two would study like this. The music really did help you stay focused, having something to fill the room to keep your brain from getting off track. You’re about halfway done typing away on your laptop when your phone buzzes beside it. Glancing over, you notice a few missed notifications from your shared group chat with your friends, a few social media notifications and a text from an unknown number. You’re about to pick up your phone to see who texted you when an incoming call pops up on the screen, the same number that texted you.

You slide your thumb across your phone, bringing it to your ear. “Hello?”

“You didn’t answer my text.” Of course it would be Haechan, who else were you expecting. In all honesty, you did expect him to text you at some point, but the call was a surprise for you. “I’m studying, like you should be doing too.”

“I need to know your answer, don’t get too excited.” You can practically feel him smirking through the phone followed by some shuffling. “Where are you anyway? I stopped by your hall and you weren’t there.”

Your posture straightens, wondering who he asked and what he told them when we made his way to your dorm. “You did what? Are you insane?” Haechan laughs, a soft laugh as you lean back in the seat. “Slightly, I’ve been told that’s a part of my charm though.” Rolling your eyes, you huff before looking over your shoulder at mark. “I’m with a friend, why?”

“Tell me where you’re at unless you want me to go to every hall on campus.”

“You’re fucking psycho, I’m with mark, idiot.” At the mention of his name, mark looks up at you as you swivel the chair around. You mouth Haechan’s name to him to which he looked genuinely confused. “Figures, I’m on my way.” He ended the call before you could even protest, swearing under your breath as you stood up to get your things together. “Why are you—actually no, since when did you and Haechan call each other?”

“I’ll explain later, I gotta go though bub, but I appreciate you studying with me.” You gave mark an apologetic smile as you packed your bag up with your laptop, making sure to grab everything you had. “Text me when you get in.” Mark had stood up from his bed, making his way over to you to gently pull you into a hug. The two of you never hugged much, the sudden affection leaving you taken aback slightly, but nevertheless you wrap your arms around him as he did you. “I’m right across the street, I’m not going rouge.” He hums, pulling back from the hug as he gives you an uneasy smile. “Yeah, I know, but you’re going with Haechan and that’s what makes me worried.”

It too made you worried, even if you didn’t exactly agree to his lil situation he proposed earlier, that nagging feeling that it wasn’t going to end well never left you every time you gave it more thought. “I’ll be fine, plus my location is on if I don’t text you by nine.” Mark only laughs as your arms drop from around him and you leave his room. It doesn’t take you long to get out the building, spitting Haechan’s car parked in front with his passenger window rolled down. He’s leaned over, a smirk across his lips while one hand grips the top of the steering wheel. “Hop in.” He says as you make your way down to his car. Once you get in, you throw your bag in his back seat and fasten your seatbelt before Haechan takes off and drives you two off campus.

“And where exactly are we going?”

Haechan doesn’t look over at you, his eyes focused on the road, but he can feel your stare on him. He was wearing a letterman jacket with a black shirt underneath and some jeans that complemented the look, it was the first time you really took in his attire and you swore he didn’t have that jacket on earlier. “Somewhere quiet we can talk, to sort everything out for the show we’re about to put on.” He’s cocky, confident and arrogant. You hated it, hated how smug he looked as the words fell from his mouth. “I haven’t even said yes yet, did that get through your thick skull?” He takes a moment to glance over at you, his mischievous expression never faulting. “You wouldn’t be in my car with me if you didn’t want to.” Fuck him for being right and fuck him for being slightly attractive when he said it. Slightly, not very or even a full hundred percent, but slightly.

He drives you two off to an abandoned looking parking lot where he puts his car into park and turns slightly to face you. “Have you thought about it enough?” You turn to face him, getting as comfortable as you can in the seat. “I guess, but you better pull through with doing half of my part of the project or else I’ll castrate you, no hesitation.” Haechan laughs, a full laugh that has his head tilting back just a bit. You’re fighting the smile that threatens to form on your lips. “You have my word, but we have more important things to go over.” He searches your face when you remain quiet, having the same look you did back at the cafe earlier, he knew you were listening. “Okay, so I was thinking our first appearance as a newly and very much in love ‘couple’ should be at the party this weekend.”

“Scratch that, I don’t party.”

“You’re gonna have to if you wanna keep up with me.” You scowl at him, rolling your eyes mentally as you give in. “Fine, but I’m not making it a habit, I have grades to keep up ya know?” He simply nods, going over the next few things y’all as a couple would have to do together in order to pull this off. Your first outing would be at the party, to much of your disapproval and the following will fall into place like dominos. You’d start having lunch together if your schedules met up, the two of you would spend time between classes together, again if your schedules met up, then you’d also have to sit beside him in your shared class. He also made mention that he’d be picking you up and dropping you off at your dorm so that you’d always be seen with him to make it believable. “Now we need to set some ground rules.”

“Ground rules? What are we, five years old?”

A memory flashes through Haechan’s mind, back to when you two were five. You had been on the playground at school by yourself and he was off on the monkey bars when you had fallen off the swing. The ground did not aid your fall, scraping your elbow and knee which resulted in a cry that not only alerted your teacher, but haechan. When get got to you, you were sniffling over the pain and the dirt on your dress, a dress that your mom bought for you for your previous birthday. “Y/n, i told you to wait for me.” Five year old Haechan pouted as he walked with you and the teacher to the nurses office. “I wanted to swing, I didn’t think I’d get hurt.” You replied, holding his hand gently. After that day, the two of you made a rule that you’d play together to make sure if something went wrong, you’d be by each other's side.

“The first rule, no one can know, not your roommate or your friends, if you have any, not even Mark.” You scoff, hitting his arm to which he whined. “For your information, I have friends and it’s not only Mark.” Haechan rubs the sore spot on his arm as he shakes his head at you. “Yeah yeah, the voices in your head don’t count.”

“Fuck you, Lee.”

“Second rule, no falling in love, not with anyone while this is going on, which goes without saying, but no hooking up either and no falling in love with me.”

“How can anyone fall in love with someone like you?” You didn’t realize the weight of your words till you watched the smile from his face fade away. Guilt washed over you in a wave, your face dropping as you see him fiddling with the buttons on his jacket. You’re about to apologize when you see his mood shift, he turns back facing the wheel and starts his car. “Yeah, anyway, two rules and that’s that.” You don’t say anything back, turning back in your seat to fasten your seatbelt. Haechan drives you back onto campus and drops you off in front of your hall. “What time is your class in the morning?” He asks as he puts his car into park. “I think it’s an eight am class, but I’ll text you when I get in.” He nods as you free yourself and get out of his car.

Heading upstairs, the phone in your hand is going off with missed messages from your group chat with your friends. You’re smiling down at them as you push your door open, only to look up and see your four friends sitting with their arms crossed. “Oh hello, did I miss something?”

“We missed you!” Yeongmin stated, sitting with her legs crossed on your bed. “Where have you been, ma’am?” Yechae asked as she gave you a knowing smile. “I was just out, jeez, I’m sorry mom.” Sin-ra giggles as she pushes out her phone for you to see. “Uh huh, and whose car was this?” All the girls ooo at you as you sit down on your bed, filling in the spot next to Yeongmin. “You watched me!” Wonchae shook her finger at you, “What else were we supposed to do when you went missing? One minute, you’re at Mark’s dorm and the next, you’re off the grid!” The four girls immediately started questioning you as you brushed off their curiosity with half-assed answers. You wanted so badly to tell them all that’s going on and the situation you had gotten yourself into, but that was one of the two rules Haechan made. No one can know.

A loud knock on the door interrupts the conversation, all of you looking at one another. “Oh, that must be our RA, I think the pizza is here.” Yeongmin gets up from your bed and goes to open the door, unexpecting the boy who was on the other side. “Hi, uhm, is y/n here?” Haechan’s voice immediately caught your attention as you scramble off your bed while the other three girls give you wide eyed looks. “I’ll get it!” Yeongmin’s grip on the door is stronger than your force of trying to push her out the way. She moves, but not enough to where you'd be blocking their view. She only steps back, opening the door even more for them all to see him standing there with your bag in hand. “Hi, sorry, I didn’t even realize I left it.”

Haechan can tell by the look on your friends' faces that they were shocked to see him there. He had an audience and he was about to put on a show. “No problem baby, you left it in my backseat.” The sudden nickname makes your stomach flip, but you weren’t about to show him that. Instead, you reach for the bag to which he moves with his hand. “Ah ah, I want a kiss goodbye first.” You immediately glare at him to which he gives you a smirk. “Not in front of my friends, silly.” The emphasis you put on the last word has Haechan smiling even wider. “Just one for the road?” With a deep breath in, you had only two options. Kiss him and get him to leave or knee him in his most valued area, but that would be too red of a flag for your friends. You take a step closer to him, standing up on your toes as you press a quick peck on his cheek. As you do so, you grab for your bag that he still was holding, your fingers brushing against his.

“Thank you, I’ll see you in the morning?” Haechan looks dumbfounded for a minute, blinking down at you with slightly parted lips. He wasn’t expecting you to actually kiss him, so for you to do so, he was a bit taken aback. “I’ll be here, goodnight babygirl.”

The show Haechan put on caused an uproar within your friend group that lasted just long enough before the three had to go back to their rooms. They were questioning everything from what the hell that was and since when were you babygirl for anyone else, but them. When you finally admitted that he was your (fake) boyfriend, they all congratulated you on your new relationship and only wished they knew about him before.

The next morning went according to your plans you and haechan texted about the night before. He picked you up, parked right in front of your dorm before your class and even stopped by and got you a drink from the Neo cafe. After he dropped you off at your first class, you didn’t see him much till your shared class where he saved you a seat. The two of you went your separate ways after he walked you to your next class and eventually he dropped you off back at your dorm. “The party starts in a few hours so I’ll text you when I’m coming by.” He said, watching as you get out of his car. “Got it, also don’t come in again, you nearly killed my friends with your little stunt you pulled.” This earned a laugh from Haechan as you shut the door and he waited till you were inside before he pulled off.

By the time you got inside your room, all your friends were already sitting on your and wonchae’s beds as they watched a movie on your shared tv. “Oh good, just in time, the movie just started!” Yechae smiled at you as she paused the movie. “Actually, I have plans, I’m so sorry.” A pout forms on your bottom lip in hope they forgive you. “Actually, do you guys wanna come with me? Haechan is taking me to a party and I don’t wanna leave you guys here.” Sin-ra was already jumping off the bed as she went straight to your closet. “A party, fucking bet!” The other three girls join in as they raid Wonchae’s closet and you text Haechan letting him know they’re coming. To your surprise, he responds with ‘the more the merrier ;)’ and you brush off the wink as you try to hide the blush that crept onto your cheeks.

Since there were so many of you and you know already you won’t all fit in Haechan’s car, the girls opt to take Yechae’s car as well and after you all get dressed, you get a text that Haechan was waiting for you out front. “Alright, he’s here, y’all ready?”

“Go ahead and send us the address, we’ll catch up.” Yeongmin gives you a playful push out your door, turning to ask her why before she shuts the door. With that, you go ahead down to his car and open his passenger door. “Hey, the girls are gonna meet us there so can you send me the address really quick?” You haven’t looked at him yet, trying to get your phone out of your pocket. Haechan, on the other hand, couldn’t tear his eyes off of you. You chose to wear an off the shoulder shirt to attempt to blend in paired with some of your nicer jeans and the exposed skin has his heart racing. “Hyuck?” Turning your attention to him, you take in his attire. Leather jacket with a white undershirt and black jeans paired with a black belt. Damn, he actually looked good.

“You look beautiful, y/n.” He sounded like he didn’t mean to say that out loud, his voice barely over a whisper, but that didn’t stop the blood rushing to your cheeks. “Thank you, not too bad yourself.” Haechan’s face was similar to yours, his cheeks a soft shade of pink. Not just from your compliment, but from how effortlessly the forgotten nickname rolled off your tongue. A few minutes felt like forever passed, the two of you staring at each other with something similar in each other's eyes. For Haechan, it looked like a longing feeling swirling around in his eyes while for you, he could see the same little girl you were back when you were kids and he wonders how much time has passed since he’s seen you like this. You’re the first to break contact, looking away awkwardly as you open your phone to Yechae’s messages. “The address?”

“Huh, I’m sorry, what did you ask for?”

“I asked you earlier for the address to the party.”

Haechan’s lips formed an o as he took the phone you handed over for him. He took the phone, this time your fingers just miss each other and you can’t deny you miss the warmth that radiates from him. After he types in the address, he hands over your phone and the two of you drive silently to the party with the music volume on low. It doesn’t take you long to arrive, people coming in and out as he opts to park up front. “Isn’t it illegal to park here, I thought this was for members only?” You’re unbuckling your seatbelt as you look through the window at the Greek letters above. “Not for me it isn’t.”

His words alone leave you slightly confused, but you get out of the car and as he walks on the other side, he has his hand out for you. “What am I supposed to do with that?”

“Grab it, we’re a couple, remember?” Oh yeah, you’re here as his girlfriend. Right. Hesitantly, you take your hand within his and interlock your fingers. You haven’t held his hand since you were kids, but damn did it feel right. His hand, obviously larger now, fits with yours perfectly and you shove down the butterflies that climb up your throat as the two of you go inside. The room was crowded, people everywhere leaving little room to actually get through. Haechan’s grip on your hand tightens as he guides you through the room and you can feel the stares of everyone on you as you two make your entrance. The two of you find your way through the main area and over to a slightly less crowded place where some familiar guys stand around a table playing beer pong.

“I want you to meet some guys.” He says loudly to make sure you can hear him over the music. You simply nod and stand a little closer to him as people walk past you. Haechan calls over a few guys you’ve only seen in passing, one very tall and the other slightly shorter with multi-colored hair. “Johnny, Taeyong, this is my girlfriend y/n, y/n, this is Johnny and Taeyong.” Johnny, the taller one gives you a sweet smile as he grabs your free hand and brings it to his lips. “Pleasure to meet you.” Taeyong laughs as he pats the others back. “Watch it, Haechan is giving you the death glare.” Haechan drops your hand as you shyly smile, wrapping his arm around your waist and resting his hand firmly on your hip. “It’s nice to finally meet you y/n.”

“You’ve heard of me before?”

Taeyong and Johnny exchange looks as they smirk. Haechan on the other hand turns his head as he begins to blush. “Lover boy over here talked about you nonstop when we first met him, i was starting to believe you weren’t real until he told us he finally asked you out.” Taeyong’s words came to you as a shock, not believing Haechan had talked about you to anyone before. “Believe me, he’s definitely down bad for you. You got a good one, Haechan.”

“I know.” He replies with a wide smile as you turn to face him, you’re definitely going to question him on this later. “We’re gonna go get a drink, I’ll catch up with y’all later.” His hand leaves your hip, immediately intertwining his fingers with yours as he gives both boys a hug. You wave them goodbye before Haechan leads you two into the kitchen. “Want anything?” He asks, looking over the table with a variety of alcoholic drinks. “I’ll take some water, I’m not sure if I wanna drink tonight.” He simply nods, respecting your choice as he himself grabs a beer. Just as you’re about to leave, you and haechan turn to see a girl walking in with her arm wrapped around the guy she was with.

“Haechanie, I didn’t know you were coming!”

Judging by how tense Haechan felt beside you, you can only assume that this was his ex, Bomi. “Uh, yeah, I didn’t think you’d be here either.” His tone was flat, but his face was mixed with pain and uninterest. “Yeah, I came with Kai, Kai this is Haechan.” Her smile was fake, even you could see that and the guy she was holding onto gave one similar as he replied with a hey. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you there, and who are you?” Her eyes looked soft, but if you looked any closer you could see the burning flame behind that glossy coat. Her lips were turned upward into a smile, but you knew she was lying between her teeth to make you seem less important, to make you feel less important.

“I’m y/n, Haechan’s girlfriend.” You said, squeezing his hand in yours. Haechan came back to his senses, looking over at you with a fond smile. You could feel his gaze on you, but you wanted to mess with his ex a little more. “Who are you? I don’t think I caught your name.” Bomi laughed, a little too loud as she threw her head back a bit. “I’m Bomi, Haechanie’s ex.”

“Oh really, never heard of you.” Your lips purse up a little as you look over at Haechan, his eyes softening when yours lock with his. You honestly could get lost in them if you didn’t realize the amount of people who were staring at you right now. Your attention turns back to Bomi and her new arm candy, her cheerful expression now long gone. “Sorry, we were just stopping for a drink, but it was nice to meet you.” And with that, you guide Haechan from the kitchen and maneuver your way around with him in hand till you reach the stairs. Haechan had silently been following you, thoughts swimming around in his head. “You know a room we can go to that’s clean?”

“Moving pretty fast now aren’t we y/n.”

“Oh shut up, just get us somewhere quiet.”

Haechan smirks as he leads the two of you upstairs, going down a hallway till he stopped at a room and pulled his eyes from his pocket. With his free hand, he unlocks the door and walks inside with your hand still in his. “I lock it when I’m out so that no one can do anything unholy to my bed.” His words register in your brain, but you’re too distracted as you look around in the room. There were vinyls plastered onto the walls, wireless headphones sitting carefully on the side table next to his bed. Haechan drops his hand from yours, furrowing his brows at the lack of warmth that reaches his fingertips while opting to sit on the bean bag across from his bed. You sit down on his bed, noticing he too was already sitting.

Patting your thighs, you take a deep breath in to collect your thoughts from all that’s happened since you two got in while Haechan looks deep in his own head. “So, she’s something.” He laughs softly, fiddling with his fingers as he stares into his lap. “Yeah, she is.”

“And you talk about me?”

Leaning back into the bean bag, he looks at you through hooded eyes. “I did when I first got accepted in, they went around asking personal questions as a bonding experience and you were all I really knew so you naturally came to mind.” You’re fighting the frown as you think about how long you two have hated each other, almost forgetting why you two grew apart for so long. “You okay, after seeing her and all?” With his lips pressed together, he simply nods as he closes his eyes. “I’ll have to be, I mean she looked pretty pissed to see you with me, so that’s a step right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” It felt very awkward to be having such a deep conversation with him, but somehow it also felt right. Your silence is interrupted when your phone starts buzzing, pulling it from your pocket and bringing it to your ear to answer it. “Hello?”

“Hey, we’re here, where are you guys?” Yeongmin called you, you assumed from downstairs as you can hear the faint music through one ear and the louder music through the phone in the other. You mouth to haechan that they were downstairs and ended the call telling her you were on your way. The two of you interlock your hands before going back downstairs, looking for the girls within the crowd. From the staircase, you can barely see them on the dance floor and you signal to haechan to follow you. As you make your way through the sea of bodies against bodies, you see your friends laughing and holding hands as they dance together.

“This is so much fun!” Wonchae smiled at you as she and Yechae held each other close. “If you have any more parties, invite us again!” Yeongmin and Sin-ra smiled at you and haechan, giggling to each other as their favorite song was blasting from the speakers. Haechan drops his hand, turning you around with his hands on your hips. He leans in as he pulls you against him, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. “Wanna dance?” There’s a faint blush on your cheeks as you simply nod, hesitantly wrapping your arms around his neck. The two of you fall into a rhythm and sway with each other for what feels like hours. After dancing for so long, you’re starting to feel the effects of the night and tell Haechan you’re ready to go home.

You lost the girls way earlier before you decided to leave, sending them a text to tell you when they make it in. Haechan leads you outside, the wind blowing slightly as you two step out of the party. You shiver slightly, rubbing your arms as you walk over to his car. Haechan notices the goosebumps on your skin, immediately taking his jacket off and throwing it over your shoulders. “You’re gonna catch a cold, take it back.” As you’re protesting, he simply shakes his head. “I’m alright for now, just keep it on so you won’t catch a cold.” The warmth of the leather silences you, walking around the front of his car and resting against the top as he stands in front of you.

“Did you at least have fun?”

“For my first college party, yeah I had fun.”

Haechan gasps as you look at him confused. “This was your first party?” You simply nod, chewing on your bottom lip before laughing softly. “As you can tell from my friends, we don’t get out much and the only other person i talk to is Mark.” Haechan steps closer to you, losing in the distance as he tilts your head towards him with his finger. “Let me at least make it memorable.” Your face is bright red as he leans in, pressing his lips against yours. You stay still, afraid that if you move, he’ll move and you hate to admit to yourself that you don’t want to move. His lips were soft against yours as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. Your hands reach out for him, gripping the fabric of his shirt while his hand moves from your chin to cup the side of your cheek.

Haechan was the first to break contact, pulling back as he looked down at you. “How was that for a first college party?” You shake your head, letting go of his shirt to give him a slight shove. “Take me home, idiot.” He laughs as you stand from the hood of his car and the two of you get in, driving around to your hall before you go your separate ways.

The next few weeks go by smoothly, you and haechan seem to be fooling everyone with your physical touch and playful banter when you’re out together. He sits with you when you two go to the cafeteria, eating meals together during your breaks between classes. He’ll meet you at the neo cafe and order your drink for you before you arrive and if you’re tutoring Jaemin, he’ll bring you your drink and sit with you till you’re done. He’s made it a habit to bring you to Taco Bell after your tutoring sessions are over and you two even spend time in the library working on your project, but haechan doesn’t get much work done before he’s bugging you for attention. After all these years, you almost forgot how touchy he is, always grabbing your hand or resting his head on your shoulder and vice versa. The two of you have everyone fooled, even Mark.

“I still can’t wrap my head around you and haechan, I mean one day you were seconds away from ripping his throat out and now you’re giggling at his texts.”

You sheepishly smile as the two of you walk back to his dorm, holding your bag in your hand as you think how much has changed between you and Haechan. Even when you’re alone, he acts no different. He still grabs your hand, plays with your hair, complements you every morning and smiles at you as if every day was the first day you saw each other. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel any different towards him, but you always push those feelings down and remember how you got here. He wants her back, he doesn’t want you, and every time you think of them two wrapped up in each other's arms like how he does with you, it hurts a little more than it should.

“I guess people change, I mean we were friends for a while when we were kids, that played into it too.” You were being truthful, reminiscing on the crush you had on Haechan growing up. Never in a million years would you have told him that, but in a way you also never were given the chance to. Now, here you are with those same harbored feelings and still don’t have a clue with what to do with them. After this is all over, he’ll leave your life once again and you’ll be left to fill the void that no one has ever come close to when it comes to him. “Yeah, I’m just saying, it’s a little weird to me, but I’m happy that you’re happy.” You give Mark a playful shove as you two walk inside his hall and go up to his room. You and Mark haven’t had much time together since you and Haechan started ‘dating’ and today was one of the days you two planned on studying in silence till you both grew bored and ended up listening to music.

“What’s on the agenda today? I got a psych essay to get out of the way.”

“I have some more lab work to go over, but I’m essay free.”

Mark opens his door for you and follows behind as you set your bag down beside his desk. The two of you go about doing your work as your phone starts to buzz on the desktop. Picking it up, you see you have missed texts from Haechan and a few missed calls. Just as you’re about to call him back, his name pops across your screen. Swiping across your phone, you bring it to your ear. “Hey, I’m so sorry my phone was on silent and I just now—“

“Where are you? I’ve been waiting for you by your last class for hours.”

Judging by his tone, he seems annoyed. You felt guilty, forgetting to text him before you met up with Mark to let him know of your plans. “I’m so sorry, Mark and I met up and were studying in his room.” Haechan scoffs, rolling his eyes if you could see him. “I’m on my way, meet me in the car.” With that, he hung up as you let out a sigh. “Who was that?” You’re packing up your bags as you look over at the window. It’s raining outside and it doesn’t look like it’ll be letting up anytime soon. “Haechan, he called and wanted me to meet him outside, i kinda forgot to tell him I was coming with you and he’s kinda upset.” Mark gave you an apologetic smile to which you returned. “Be careful out there and don’t worry, I doubt he’s that mad, okay?”

You simply nod and bid him a goodbye before leaving his room and heading downstairs. When you go out the front doors, Haechan is already parked out front and you hold your bag to your chest to protect it from getting soaked as you run down to his car and quickly get inside. Haechan was gripping the wheel as he stared down at his lap, not looking your way once as you shut the door as you got in and placed your bag between your legs rather than in the back seat. “You okay hyuck?”

Haechan was quiet, you knew he was upset, but you’re starting to think there were underlying reasons as to why. “Why didn’t you tell me you were with Mark.” You bite your lip, furrowing your brows as you reach over to touch him. “I said i was sorry, it completely slipped my mind and I didn’t mean to not tell you, he just asked me if we could hang out since we haven’t recently.”

“How hard is it to send a simple text, y/n?” He definitely was pissed, his knuckles turning an off shade of white with how tight he was gripping the wheel. “Why are you so mad, you know Mark, it wasn’t like I was out with someone random?”

“I’m pissed because I had someone come up to me asking why my girlfriend was walking off giggling with some guy, you ever think of that?”

He’s unbelievable, he’s literally unbelievable. The nagging feeling that this whole situation wasn’t going to end well resurfaces without hesitation, leaving you with a sense of deja vu. “Fake girlfriend, did you forget that?” Haechan laughs, not a genuine laugh, but a laugh that almost felt forced. “You’re right, how could I forget, I mean you’ve done it before so I’m not surprised you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what exactly, donghyuck.”

“Stealing Mark away, taking all of his precious time and acting as if I don’t exist.” His words hit you hard, bringing you back to the day you two first parted ways. When Haechan first introduced you and Mark, there was no doubt in his mind that you two would get along and he was looking forward to spending his days with both of his closest friends, but even at such a young age, jealousy got the best of him. Upon meeting, you and Mark clicked as if you were meant to be friends, talking and laughing together while Haechan stood silently and felt lonely. He didn’t like how quickly you got along with Mark, he didn’t like how much he hated bringing you two together, he especially didn’t like how much resentment he felt towards you even if he didn’t know what he was feeling.

He told you he hated you that day, out of anger and hurt. Not once did he mean it, in fact there were so many times he had wished he never said it and turned the clocks back to keep him from hurting you so badly. The damage had already been done, tears falling down your young cheeks when he told you he had never wanted to be your friend again. You were confused, hurt and overall overwhelmed with the events that happened that day, but you turned your sadness into the same hatred he said he had for you and from then, the two of you never had a nice thing to say about one another. Now here you were, sitting in his car with the hopes of you two finally making progress gone.

“I don’t steal his time, he gives it to me, but you wouldn’t know that because you force people to be around you.” You didn’t mean it, you didn’t even want to say it, but haechan was prideful and used his words to hurt others when he was hurting and you weren’t going to let him win again. “Did you forget that I’m your first actual boyfriend and I’m not even dating you, it’s kind of pathetic you had to get a fake boyfriend to even know what it’s like to have one.” You didn’t realize when you started crying or why you were crying in the first place. Maybe it was because you were angry, angry that he was angry at you over something so little and so stupid. Maybe it was because he hurt you and continues to hurt you over and over and the lines between what was real and what was fake have been blurred.

“Fuck you haechan, I mean honestly, I thought maybe you’d change, maybe the boy i knew then was still there.” He still wasn’t looking at you, he couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes and see the damage he’s done. “Maybe you didn’t know me at all.” He knew it before you said it, that everything the two of you had been building up to for nearly a month was all over. He didn’t want to believe till you said it, but deep down he knew. “Fuck this, fuck your stupid little plan to get your shitty ex back and fuck you.”

With that, you grabbed your bag and got out of his car, leaving Haechan with his thoughts and the tears that slid down his cheeks as he watched you walk away. Part of you wanted to go back inside to Mark’s room, but that would mean you’d have to explain everything and that was all too much for you to unpack right now. Instead, you walked back to your hall, soaking from head to toe by the time you made it to your room. Wonchae was sitting in her bed when you came in, immediately questioning you why you were soaking wet, but when she realized you were crying, she took you into her arms and held you till you settled down.

That night all the girls came over and stayed with you till you cried yourself to sleep. You had come clean to them all, telling them about the pretend dating to help him get his ex back all the way to your childhood with Haechan and even the fallout of your friendship. You even told them about the feelings you were harboring, sobbing through your broken words. They tried to reassure you, telling you that they believed there was something real between you and Haechan, but you couldn’t bring yourself to believe them, not after what you just went through with him. Thankfully for you, it was a weekend and you didn’t have classes till the following Monday and that meant you didn’t have to try and avoid him as much as possible.

By the beginning of the week, you do your best to dodge him in any way. You stopped going to the Neo cafe for the first week, Sin-ra taking the initiative to bring you your drink every morning before your first class. In the class you shared with him, at first you’d sit in the very back to avoid being near him and people quickly took notice. It wasn’t long before whispers started going around that you two had broken up and Mark was a part of some of the rumors. When he got wind of everything, you told him the same thing you told your friends and he apologized to you for everything. After so many years, he finally knew why you and Haechan stopped being friends and he felt responsible for that, but you reassured him that there was nothing he could’ve done then or now.

It was nearing your last week for your project and you’re sitting in your shared class with Haechan who was nowhere to be seen. As you’re leaving when the professor tells everyone class was dismissed, your professor stops you and asks you to stay behind. “I wanted you to know that Donghyuck already submitted his portion of the project, so I’ll only need the remaining 25% from you.” You’re confused and it’s evident on your face as you grip the bag over your shoulder. “I’m sorry, but we agreed to split it down the middle, what did he submit already?”

“Are you sure? He emailed me this morning and submitted the essay portion and said you’d do the final draft on the slide presentation. Get with him and let me know before the deadline.” You simply nod and bid him a farewell as you leave your last class for the day. There are so many thoughts in your head as you pull your phone from your pocket and just as you’re about to text Haechan, you bump into someone on your way out. “Oh I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, I’m so—y/n?”

When you look up from your phone, you see Johnny standing in front of you. He was a little taken aback to see you, but still happy that he ran into you. “Oh hey, what’s up?” The two of you make small talk as you stand outside the building, chatting about the little things in life. “Oh before I forget, you’re coming to the party tonight right?” You’re unsure what to tell him, your silence leaving open room to answer. “It’s okay if you can’t make it, Haechan said you two were working on a big project so I get why you haven’t been around, but if you come tonight we’d be happy to have you.” Hearing Haechan’s name felt almost foreign, having neither your friends or Mark even uttering his name over these last few weeks. “I’ll see if i can make it.” Johnny gives you a genuine smile before heading off and you two go your own ways. When you make it back to your hall, Wonchae and Yechae are sitting on Wonchae’s bed as they watch a movie on her laptop.

“Wanna watch the movie with us, I can put it on the tv?” You smile at Yechae’s offer, but simply shake your head. “I’m gonna go to sleep instead, thank you though.” You slip underneath your blanket and lay in bed till your eyes get too heavy to keep open anymore. You’re not sure what time it was when your phone starts going off, waking you from your peaceful sleep. Your fumble as you sit up in bed, grabbing your phone from your side table. Through tired eyes, you see an unknown number calling you and hesitantly, you slide across your phone to answer. “Hello?”

“Y/n, we need you here! Haechan is whining for you.” You recognize Johnny’s voice, the mention of Haechan’s name sending a rush of adrenaline through your body. “Where is he?” You try to be as quiet as you can, looking over at Wonchae and Yechae cuddling silently in her bed. “He’s upstairs, I kind of lost him when I was busy cleaning up his puke, but I managed to snatch his phone before he disappeared to call you.” With a heavy sigh, you climb out of bed and throw on a sweatshirt before telling Johnny you’re on your way. Without a car, you’d have to walk all the way to the frat house where the party was thrown, but it’d take too long for you to get there so you opt to run instead as you mentally thank yourself for taking track one year in high school.

As you’re reaching the doors to the house, you’re panting and out of breath while dragging yourself inside. Pretty much everyone was gone and the scattered cups on the ground gave you an idea of how the night went. Johnny was crouched down picking things up off the floor when you walked in, looking your way as you tried to catch your breath. “Oh hey y/n, you okay? You look kind of..sweaty.” You shook your head as your hands rested on your hips, taking in slow deep breaths to steady your breathing. “Where is he?” You were here to find Haechan, as much as you wanted to make small talk with Johnny, you were too tired to even try. “Check his room, Taeyong should still be up there with him.” Nodding, you drag your feet towards the staircase and tiredly make your way to the top. Going solely off memory, you walk down the hallway till you’re standing in front of Haechan’s room. From inside, you can hear faint crying and Taeyong’s voice.

Pushing the door open gently, you see Haechan sitting on his bed with a cup of water in his hand while Taeyong is sitting beside him. When he noticed your entrance, Taeyong stood up from the bed and silently walked towards you. He placed his hand gently on your shoulder before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him. You stood in the middle of the room, staring at the boy who was silently sniffling as he stared down at his cup in his hand. “Do you have your keys, I can bring you to your room if you do.” He simply shook his head, gripping the cup in his hand. A sigh left your lips as you turned to his closet, rummaging through his clothes. “W-what are you doing?” You pull a shirt off a hanger, walking over to him. “You can’t sleep in that, it has liquids on it.” Haechan stays still, as if he was frozen in time. His body shook slightly every time he hiccuped, but he didn’t bother moving.

“Get changed please, I’ll leave so you can—“

“Please don’t leave me.”

You’re biting your bottom lip as you see his head rise, meeting his swollen and teary eyes. “Just for tonight, I just need you tonight.” He looked so sad, tears dried on his cheeks as he fought back the tears. You should’ve left, hell you shouldn’t have even come, but you needed to make sure he was okay and from the looks of it, he was far from it. “I’ll turn around, but you need to get out of your clothes and into something to sleep in.” Silently, he stands from his bed and sets the cup on his desktop. You handed him the shirt you grabbed from his closet, walking towards the door and facing away so that he could get dressed. After a few minutes pass, Haechan tells you he’s done and you turn around to him laying in his bed on one side, leaving space for you on the other.

Walking over after turning off the light, you pull back the blanket and slide into the space he’s left you. The two of you lay in silence, the moonlight shining through the cracks of his window cover. “I’m sorry.” Haechan’s voice was barely over a whisper, but neither of you could bring it to look at each other. “You’re drunk, you don’t even know what you’re apologizing for.” You could feel how tense he was beside you, if you reached out to him you were afraid he’d fall apart. “I’m sober enough to know what I'm saying and I need you to believe me on that.” You shift onto your side, tucking your underneath his pillow as your eyes fall to the side of his face. He can feel your gaze on him, waiting for him to continue. “I didn’t mean anything I said that day, even back when we were kids.

“I was jealous of your friendship with Mark, in a way I still am because he’s been by your side this whole time and because of my insecurities, I missed all of that.” You knew he had a hard time believing in people after he had been let down many times before, you understood where he was coming from, but that doesn’t justify his actions. “I’m sorry you had to come out here at this hour, I don’t remember much of what I said to the boys, but it was enough for them to call you and for that, i'm sorry for wasting your time.”

The light coming from his window was just enough for you to see the tear that slid from his eye down the side of his face. “Was she here tonight?” You knew it was none of your business, you had no right to be asking him this, but part of you needed to know. “Yeah.”

“Did you guys get back together, I mean that was the whole point of this right?”

Haechan turns on his side to face you, tucking his arm underneath his head to prop himself up to your eye level. “She tried, but I told her it was over when she left me for that guy.” You’re a bit taken aback, why did he turn her down? What was the point of all of this if it was not for him to win her back. “Why, didn’t you want her back?” Haechan’s eyes locked with yours, searching them for something to give him the confidence to go on. He could see it in your eyes, but for so long he had been too scared to ruin what you two were building. “Spending this time with you blurred everything around me y/n, she was what I thought I wanted, but it wasn’t till I lost you that I knew what I needed instead.”

You felt speechless, staring at him with parted lips. He had just confessed that you were what he wanted and that alone made your head feel dizzy. Now lies the difficult decision, to lie and pretend you don’t feel anything to protect yourself or run to him and trust that he’ll protect you instead and all the love you have in your heart for him. “Say something please.” Hesitantly, you bring a hand up to his face, brushing his hair back to get the best view of him as possible. “Looks like we have a problem.”

“And that is?”

“I broke one of the two rules we made, well technically I broke them both but the first rule was broken after you were an asshole.” Haechan sat up, propping himself on his elbow as he stared down at you. “Does that mean I can kiss you?” A smile spreads across his lips as he watches the light reflect in your eyes. You give him a nod, all the confirmation he needed to lean down and capture your lips within his. The kiss felt familiar, like he had done this a million times before. Your arm wraps around his neck, pulling him close to you as you tilted your head to deepen the kiss. The two of you healed a part of you that was long overdue, the two best friends within you now reunited. Now that you’re older, you not only have your best friend back, but the young boy you loved is too there beside you.

so for starters if you’ve gotten this far, why thank you pook 🥹i’m really sorry if the ending feels rushed, i’ve never written something this long before so i was struggling i tell ya🥲🫂 and i just wanna say ily and you’re doing great and if you liked it,, pls lmk! it always helps when you share your thoughts w me 🫶

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obsidian-pages777 · 4 months

Text

Pick a Card: Message from Goddess Circe for Confidence and Shadow Work

Left top [Pile 1] Right top [Pile 2], Left Bottom [Pile 3], Right Bottom [Pile 4 ]

Goddess Circe, a mesmerizing figure from Greek mythology, captivates with her enchanting sorcery and transformative powers. Known for her mastery of potions and spells, Circe is a symbol of feminine mystique and empowerment. Often depicted as a sorceress living on the mystical island of Aeaea, she weaves magic to shape destinies and challenge the perceptions of mortals and gods alike. Her story embodies the complexities of power, desire, and the journey of self-discovery.

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Pile 1:

The Magician (I):

Circe's message is embodied in The Magician card. Like the Magician, she encourages you to harness your personal power and embrace your innate abilities for transformation. You have the tools at your disposal to manifest your desires and shape your reality. Trust in your intuition and tap into your inner wisdom to wield your magic wisely.

Special Message: Area [Friendships]: As you journey into the future, cherish the friendships that uplift and support you. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be your best self and who celebrate your successes and stand by you during challenges. Cultivate meaningful connections based on shared values, interests, and mutual respect. Remember that friendships are a two-way street, so invest time and effort into nurturing these valuable relationships and be there for your friends as they are for you.

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Pile 2:

The High Priestess (II):

Circe's second message comes through The High Priestess card. She reminds you to listen to the whispers of your subconscious mind and honor your intuition. There are hidden depths within you waiting to be explored, and the High Priestess invites you to trust in the mysteries of the unseen realms. Embrace the unknown and allow your intuition to guide you on your journey of self-discovery.

Special Message: Area [Love]: As you navigate the path of love in the future, remember that authenticity is key. Embrace your true self and seek connections that honor and celebrate who you are. Be open to new experiences and allow yourself to be vulnerable, knowing that genuine connections are built on trust and mutual respect. Trust in the timing of the universe and have faith that love will find its way to you when the time is right.

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Pile 3:

Death (XIII):

Circe's third pile message is reflected in the Death card. While the image of Death may seem ominous, it symbolizes the inevitability of transformation and rebirth. Circe teaches that change is a natural part of life, and sometimes, old structures must fall away to make room for new growth. Embrace the process of shedding the old and embrace the opportunities for renewal and transformation that lie ahead.

Special Message: Area [Family]: Your family dynamics may undergo changes in the future, but remember that love and communication are the pillars that hold relationships together. Cultivate open and honest communication with your family members, even during challenging times. Embrace forgiveness and understanding, knowing that every family has its unique journey filled with ups and downs. Focus on nurturing the bonds that matter most and cherish the moments you share with your loved ones.

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Pile 4:

The Star (XVII):

Circe's fourth pile message is embodied in The Star card. Like the Star, she offers hope, healing, and guidance in times of darkness. No matter how challenging your journey may seem, there is always a guiding light to lead you forward. Trust in the universe's benevolent wisdom and have faith that brighter days are on the horizon. Allow Circe's magic to illuminate your path and inspire you to dream big.

Special Message: Area [Health]: Your health is your greatest asset, and investing in self-care and well-being will pay dividends in the future. Prioritize habits that nourish your body, mind, and spirit, such as regular exercise, nutritious eating, adequate rest, and stress management. Listen to your body's signals and seek professional guidance when needed. Remember that small, consistent steps toward wellness can lead to significant improvements in your overall health and vitality.

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#pick a card #pick a photo #pick a pile #pick one #shadow work #tarot reading #tarot cards #psychic readings #divination #tarotcommunity #confidence #channeled message #message from circe #circe goddess #circe

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hypnoneghoul · 2 months

Text

Say It One More Time

WC: 10k

Relationship: SwissAlps

Tags: Love Story, Friends To Lovers, Mutual Pining, Falling In Love, Soulmates, First Kiss, Miscommunication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mating, Insecurities, Suggestive, Fluff, Cuddles, Anxiety, Self-Esteem Issues, Referenced Panic Attacks, Retirement, Fear Of The Future, Jamming Sessions, Nightmares, Literal Sleeping Together, Cuddle Piles, Pack Dynamics, Building A Home, Cooking/Baking Date, Domestic Fluff (old married couple coded), Growing Old Together

The story of Swiss and Mountain. From the beginning to the end. (But not really.)

Notes: Commissioned by the amazing @jimothybarnes! Thank you for letting me basically ramble about my faves fgfhdsgf

Read under the cut or on AO3.

Mountain joined the Ghost project in…trying times. So much chaos all around, there was not a moment of peace and the earth ghoul despised it. He thought he would be begging to get sent back to the Pit after one tour leg.

He did not.

Still, he never thought life like this was for him. He always doubted he would ever be really happy. Dewdrop’s elemental transition changed things; first it took away all hope, but then returned it double as he survived it and made full recovery—at least a physical one. That is when Mountain started seeing the human world a little differently.

He started wanting to have a life there, to settle, and that alone guaranteed him success already. Once his mind was set it did not take long for him to see it all changing in front of his eyes.

Or rather appearing in front of his eyes.

In the shape of a rather good looking multi ghoul.

Mountain has to admit he has found Swiss very attractive since the moment he stepped out from the summoning circle; even though he was slightly underweight and generally neglected when he did. The more time he is spending Topside, the more handsome he gets and, frankly, it is slowly getting out of hand, if you ask Mountain.

He is simply ridiculously gorgeous.

Over half a year since Swiss crawled out of the Pit Mountain has to admit that the amount of time he spends just…looking at him may be slightly concerning. So many times Dewdrop or Aether, who know him the best, had jabbed their elbows into his side teasingly and called him a creep. They never once told Mountain, though, how happy they are to see him thriving and blooming just like his element as he and Swiss get closer.

They are growing a friendship—a meaningful, deep connection.

Despite Swiss’ chaos contrasting Mountain’s calmness they found a common language in music and nature and soon enough it turned out the multi ghoul’s loudness is not all that he is, and the rest is easy to balance.

He and Mountain love working in the greenhouse or in the gardens together just as much as they enjoy jamming out in the rehearsal room with wide grins on both their faces. Swiss could not be happier, whatever it is they do together. Nobody has ever tried to get to know him, to overlook the complete mess that he seems to be at a first glance.

Mountain does and the multi ghoul doubts he is aware how important it is to him. Today the multi ghoul got an idea on how to show him. Or at least try to.

He pops his head into the greenhouse after lunch, knocking so as not to startle the earth ghoul; not so much asking for permission to come in.

“Hi, are–uhm, you busy?” he asks, getting startled himself instead, at the sight of Mountain shirtless. He turns and a small knowing smirk grows on face.

“No, not at all, just finished my work.” Mountain says and stretches. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to go for a walk and…” Swiss has some trouble remembering what he initially came there for as he struggles to rip his eyes away from the slight sheen of sweat on the earth ghoul’s chest, “uh, I was wondering if you’d go with me? I want to show you something.”

“Yeah, I’d love that! Give me just a minute, I’ll get this to the den and I’ll be right back.” Mountain points at a box filled with…something before picking it up. Swiss only nods and hangs his head to hopefully hide the blush on his face at least a little.

“Alright, I’ll wait here,” he mutters, hoping Mountain hears it as he has already walked out of the greenhouse. Swiss paces around the place waiting for the earth ghoul to return and takes a moment to appreciate all the work he does there. He is also happy to notice the plants he himself tended to and how they are flourishing. He smiles with pride.

Swiss is not used to anything thriving after it has been touched by him; that’s Mountain’s skill. His heart warms at the thought that the earth ghoul made him thrive just as he did the flora under his care and changed him; made it so he can bring good into the world, too. That is the greatest gift the earth ghoul could have ever given Swiss.

Soon enough he comes back and they set out into the woods.

“You probably know about it, it’s not like it’s super hidden,” Swiss says, “but I never heard anyone mention it and I just came across it one time and…I dunno, I just like it and wanted to take you there.”

Mountain nods with a smile; intrigued and charmed by the fact that Swiss has possibly found a place no one else knows about and he deemed the earth ghoul special enough to share said spot with him.

They walk for some time—sometimes in silence, sometimes chatting away about various things—before Swiss stops. If not for Mountain's connection to the element they are currently surrounded in, he would be confused; there is nothing there at a first glance, but he can feel there is something.

Swiss takes one more step towards something that looks like a fallen tree resting against a hill and peels some of its branches away to reveal an entrance.

It’s a cave.

Mountain follows the other and they crawl through the tight space and into it. It’s huge and beautiful and the earth ghoul is enamored.

“Swiss, this is–woah, it’s gorgeous here,” he gasps and he is not overreacting. The cave really is something magical.

“So you didn’t know about it?” Swiss asks, slightly surprised. An earth ghoul not knowing every single inch of the local grounds?

“No,” he chuckles. “I heard from Ivy there were some caves around but I never went looking.”

Swiss does not answer, he only grins; proud of himself. He lets Mountain look around for as long as he wants to—the multi ghoul is already familiar with every single nook of the cave.

“There’s a raspberry bush over there,” Swiss says after a few moments, pointing at the other side of the cave where some light is coming from its top. “They’re really good.”

“Let’s see it,” the earth ghoul winks and follows Swiss to them. Before they get to the berries, Mountain crouches by the bush and places his hands where it pierces the ground. He closes his eyes and murmurs something under his breath. Swiss knows what he is doing; thanking the earth for such a gift.

It may just be Swiss’ imagination but the bush seems to brighten when Mountain stands back up.

“You have to teach me that sometime,” he says and the earth ghoul nods before picking up a raspberry and popping it into his mouth. He moans at the taste; they are good.

“Thank you for bringing me here.” He smiles at Swiss. “I really appreciate you.”

The multi ghoul returns the smile with a rosy blush dusting his cheek.

One evening seemingly changes everything. In reality, it changes nothing.

Another tour leg, another city, another show, another venue, another bar to let off some steam. Everyone has a drink or two in their hands, holding onto their human disguises and having fun in pairs or small groups. The music is loud, the lights are bright and it absolutely reeks of sweat, but it doesn’t bother anyone too much.

It’s the charm of such places, really.

Even Mountain is fine with all that; even though he’s not a huge fan, he’s content sitting in a dark corner with a mocktail and watching his packmates.

He sighs. Who is he even trying to lie to? Himself? Lucifer?

He’s watching Swiss.

Beautiful Swiss, laughing and smiling so brightly Mountain thinks he missed his destination; he should have been an angel, not a demon. The earth ghoul zones out staring at him as he laughs amongst their pack, as he dances and sings and Mountain can not help but think Swiss is the most perfect thing in the world, and…

Oh.

He’s in love with him

Fuck.

Mountain can’t look at him the same after that realization. He ran away from the bar and avoided everyone for as long as possible—a whole ten hours—not knowing what to do with himself. Now that he knows what that feeling warming up his heart every time Swiss smiles at him is, the earth ghoul only knows need.

He needs him so bad.

He needs to hold him, to kiss him, to be held by him, to be kissed by him. He needs to be devoured and to devour and it feels like the longer none of that happens, the more breath he loses, and it does not take long for Mountain to feel as if he is suffocating.

Little does Mountain know, that he is actually a fucking idiot.

Swiss feels the exact same way; burning for him.

He’s not even discreet about it—he’s painfully obvious, actually—but Mountain is so focused on the doomsday scenario of getting rejected that he’s blind to the signs Swiss is throwing his way. Right under his feet.

It’s another few months before any of them do something more direct than stare yearningly at the other, and it’s not even either of them's idea. It’s their pack that all but pushes them into a tight broom closet and threatens not to let them out until they kiss. Or fuck.

Metaphorically, of course.

What they actually do is a whole scheme of talking them into it. They play a little dirty, they have to admit; showing one of them the messages that were never supposed to see the light of day from the other one, and the other way around.

They just have to make them believe it isn’t one big joke; neither Swiss nor Mountain have enough faith in themselves to accept that someone they see as absolute perfection could even consider…loving them. Oh, how wrong they both are.

Favorite method of Aether’s became getting Swiss high and filling his head with the images of a beautiful future he and Mountain can share if he only stops being such a cunt. He does not even need his quintessence for that.

“Mount’s a romantic, you know?” Aether sighs—slurring a little on purpose, so he seems more high than he actually is after only taking a few hits and feeding the rest to Swiss. “He loves spoiling people he loves and he gets all into it.”

“Mhm,” Swiss hums, sprawled out like a starfish on the quintessence ghoul’s bed. “He’s real sweet.”

“Yeah, he really is,” Aether confirms. “He likes giving gifts. He makes a lot of stuff and then gives it to people. It’s one of the ways he shows affection.”

“I got a few things from him,” the multi ghoul notes. “He grew a flower for me.”

Aether wants to scream at how stupid they both are.

“That’s cute,” he says instead. “What kinda flower?”

“A rose, orange and red.”

Aether face-palms himself. “That’s really lovely.”

“Yeah…” Swiss sighs dreamily. “I’m not so good at…being sweet.”

“Bullshit. You just do it in a different way.”

“Meh.”

“You help everyone,” Aether explains, trying to direct the conversation onto the multitude of times Swiss helped with or did something for Mountain. He also might pull up an article on love languages on his phone and force Swiss to read it, but that’s plan B. “I think that’s how you show affection.

“Huh…I guess it is.”

One evening it all comes to a climax. Swiss is returning from chores with Cirrus and the air ghoulette is laughing at how heart-eyes he gets the moment she so much as mentions Mountain.

When they get to the den they notice said earth ghoul resting in the common room on his own. Swiss tries to turn on his heel and run away—not in a state he would wish Mountain to see him—but Cirrus is done with them jumping around each other.

“Oh, no, you don’t, loverboy!”

She pushes Swiss into the room and Mountain notices him right away. Well, if he can’t run away, maybe he should just…go for it, like the air ghoulette advised him to.

Mountain is looking at him questioningly as he just stands there, contemplating, and he decides he can not make it worse. At least he hopes so.

Swiss walks up to the earth ghoul and plops down onto the couch next to him.

“Hey, can I ask you–” he starts, but Mountain speaks at the same time.

“Hi, I was actually–”

“Oh, you first, but–”

“So I wanted to–”

“I was wondering if–”

They both pause this silly exchange—blushing bright red—and take deep breaths before speaking again.

“I want to kiss you so bad,” Swiss blurts out, tired of the thoughts that could not be let out jumping around in his head.

“Yeah…” Mountain sighs and giggles to himself before cupping the multi ghoul’s cheek and bending down to kiss him, indeed. Swiss melts into it and nothing else but the two of them exists anymore in this chaotic world.

If their pack that is looking out of the windows cheers as they watch, Swiss and Mountain will never know.

Ghoulish nature is a curious thing.

There are many strange things about it—at least to humans—but it’s understandable considering they are quite literally demons from the pits of Hell. One thing that humans are always particularly amazed by is mating.

It’s not as common as it is sometimes believed. It’s unlike human marriage; that is something frail and all but an act—it does not influence one’s very core.

Mating does.

The spirits of ghouls that mate split and twist together and bind them with a bond unbreakable.

That is why some deem it too dangerous.

Swiss and Mountain, even if they are not aware of it, have both dreamed of committing such an act.

Swiss, who despite his confidence always feels out of place, wanting to experience the comfort of being someone’s, of belonging. Being owned, even.

Mountain, who despite his metaphorical wealth always feels like he’s lacking something, wanting to have someone to be there for him, to choose him.

For years they have both been scared of bringing it up, fearing the other would laugh in their face or push them away.

At the end of the day, neither of them bring it up, really.

“You stink!” Dewdrop announces one day as he storms into the common room where Swiss and Mountain are lounging comfortably on a sofa. “You’ve both been stinking up the place for days now and we all decided to keep our mouths shut because you’re cute, but I’m done with it! You know you should keep away for a while after mating! Besides, how are you just laying here and not fucking twenty-four seven!?”

The pair looks at the agitated ghoul with confusion.

“What the hell are you on?” Swiss snorts.

“We aren’t mated,” Mountain adds.

Dewdrop’s jaw drops as he realizes they really are clueless.

“Except you are, idiots!” the fire ghoul yells. “Last friday, did you fuck?”

“Dew, that’s–”

“DID YOU FUCK!?”

“Fucking Lucifer, yes, we did,” Swiss laughs. “So what?”

“Oh, let’s see! Whoever was topping, did you happen to knot and bite the other one?”

“Well…yes, but we’ve done that so many times before, and–” Mountain mutters, now calculating in his mind.

“SURPRISE, you’re mated! I don’t fucking know how you managed to do it by accident, but you did, so I wish you a happy mated life and now get the fuck out to the woods, I have to air the den out.”

Mountain is the first to stand up—or rather shoot up—but he does not wait for Swiss. No, he runs out of the common room, leaving the remaining two ghouls confused.

The multi ghoul swallows the growing lump in his throat as he follows, albeit way slower. As he leaves he can hear Dewdrop swearing under his breath as he slams the windows open. Swiss is about to cry. Did Mountain…he claimed him by accident and ran away when he was made aware. Does he regret it, does he not want him? Does he not love him?

The multi ghoul wraps his own arms around himself as he leaves the Abbey. He does not know where Mountain went to, but he is sure it’s not to the cave in the woods. Swiss hopes so, at least, wanting to have that space for himself.

Indeed, he does not find his mate there, but it does not make anything better. Swiss crumples to the floor with his claws digging into his sides as he sobs.

He thought he finally found home. He thought that after hundreds of years of loneliness and abuse he found love, but now…it seems it was all a lie. He spends the night curled up in one of the nooks of the cave; with stone digging into his cold body.

Mountain does not sleep.

He ran and ran until he ran out of breath and collapsed somewhere by the other edge of the forest. He cried, realizing how many mistakes he has managed to make.

He knows Swiss, knows his insecurities. He knows what the multi ghoul is now surely thinking.

That he hates him.

The truth is that Mountain panicked once it hit him that Dewdrop was right. Some instinct must have overtaken that last friday and the earth ghoul claimed Swiss without realizing. He did not run away because he regrets it, he–well, he does regret it, but only because he did it without Swiss’ consent.

They have never even talked about it and he just did it to him; Mountain feels like a monster. What if it’s something Swiss never ever wanted to do?

It doesn’t matter now; if he wanted it before, now he certainly wants nothing to do with the earth ghoul. Not only did he violate him, but he ran away like a coward after.

He has fucked up beyond measure.

It’s a few days before either Swiss or Mountain emerge from their hiding spots; though still not knowing what next step to take. They are both clueless that they’re getting closer and closer as they’re trying to return home; only realizing once they bump into each other.

“Fuck, sorry, ‘m sorry,” Swiss mutters and immediately turns on his heel to walk away.

“Please, don’t go,” Mountain begs, voice cracking. The multi ghoul snaps his head back with his brows furrowed in confusion.

“Why?”

“I’m an idiot, I–I panicked,” the earth ghoul whines, “I didn’t know what to do so I ran, I’m so sorry, my darling.”

“Why?” Swiss repeats.

“You never agreed to it.”

Swiss’ eyes widen.

“That’s…that’s it? You felt bad for claiming me because I didn’t say you could do it?”

“Yes, darling,” Mountain breathes out. “I know what you must’ve been thinking and I’m so, so sorry for making you think any of this was on you. I love you so much, Swiss. I always have and always will.”

The multi ghoul stares at the ground, swallowing thickly. Mountain is all but shaking with anxiety; not knowing whether he is about to be rejected for good or not.

It all dissipates when Swiss throws himself at Mountain, jumping up into his arms. The earth ghoul grabs him as he stumbles backwards and clings to him for dear life as their lips meet.

“I love you, too,” Swiss cries into his mouth. “I’ve always wanted to be yours.”

“Fuck, Swiss, can we–uh, can we pretend it isn’t done yet?” Mountain mutters. “I want to do it properly. Will you let me?”

“Yes, my love. Let’s do it properly.”

It is a few more days before they actually leave the woods.

Swiss always complains when he and Mountain have to work not only separately, but also in the opposite sides of the Abbey. It’s cruel and, frankly, homophobic—as Aeon likes to joke, having picked the phrase up from Tik-Tok.

The multi ghoul would much rather work with Mountain, or not work at all, and he tried to use an argument that he’ll be much more productive with his mate by his side, but one time was enough for Sister Imperator to know it would make them both way less productive. Swiss will not agree, of course—at least not out loud—but he realizes that defiling something they were about to clean was not a great way to prove they could work together on a daily basis.

Anyway, knowing his mate is close enough keeps him as calm as he can be without being in his arms. Swiss can never wait for the work to be finished so he can fall right back into Mountain’s hold, of course, but at least he can survive the hours leading to it.

M: hi my heart, i finished my chores early so ill be in the practice room if you need me, see you soon <3

Swiss grumbles reading the text from his mate. How on earth does Mountain always manage to finish all his work hours before the others? It’s truly unfair, he thinks. It is definitely not caused by Mountain actually doing what he is supposed to instead of getting distracted with a multitude of other things as Swiss happens to.

S: alright, ill catch u when im done, love u

Groaning at having to be away from Mountain for another hour, at least, he gets back to work. Thankfully he’s been left alone in the room without many distractions. Still, an hour is way too long, so when Swiss shoots his next text, half an hour later, he may or may not have forgotten about some of the tasks yet to be done.

S: i’m done, my love, still practicing?

Lack of an answer is an answer enough for Swiss, so he bolts in the practice room’s general direction before someone can notice him ditching chores. He catches Mountain’s scent just before he gets to the sound-proofed door and takes a deep breath, inhaling the smell of fresh grass, blooming flowers and pine. He can not hold back the smile that grows on his face as he enters the room.

Mountain is—as usual—fully immersed in music, smiling to himself and moving his entire body to the rhythm as he plays. Swiss closes the door behind him and hangs by it, watching his mate all heart-eyed for the next few minutes. Only when the earth ghoul finishes up another song and pauses to check his phone does he look up and notice Swiss.

He chuckles, “How long have you been standing there?”

“A little bit.” The multi ghoul shrugs and makes his way over to the drum platform. “I like watching you play.”

“Creep,” Mountain teases before closing the remaining distance between him and his mate and wrapping his arms around him, sweat and all. “Missed you.”

Swiss is immediately purring up a storm, nuzzling under Mountain’s cheek and breathing in the scent he loves so much. “Mhm, I missed you, too, my love.”

“Let’s get something to eat,” the earth ghoul proposes, “and then we can take a nap.”

“Okay, but…” Swiss sighs, “in a moment. Wanna stay like that just a minute more.”

“Of course, my heart.” Mountain smiles against his hair. “However long you need.”

Ideally, Swiss would never pull away. He would stay glued to his mate for eternity if he could. Alas, just standing there is neither comfortable nor really fun, so eventually he does. He grabs the earth ghoul’s hand instead and they go back to the den, talking about their day. Soon enough they reach the commons and head for the kitchen first.

“What do you want to eat, my love?” Swiss asks, already rummaging through some cabinets. Mountain hums as he trails a hand over the multi ghoul’s hip before he wraps his arms around his waist and glues himself to his back.

“You,” he rumbles, pressing a kiss under Swiss’ ear.

“Maybe later,” he laughs and turns in the other’s arms. “You can get a taste, though.”

Mountain would never deny, of course; he grabs Swiss’ chin and tips his head back gently to lick into his mouth with near reverence. The multi ghoul sighs into it, sagging in Mountain’s arms. He hooks his hands under Swiss’ thighs and picks him up to sit him on the counter before stepping in between his legs to get that much closer and kiss the breath out of his mate.

“So sweet,” he breathes between kisses, “could just–eat you up.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” Swiss giggles, “but maybe some actual food first, hm?”

“Fine…” Mountain rolls his eyes as he pulls away, making his mate grin widely. The earth ghoul turns to the fridge and grabs a yogurt. “Want some, too?”

“Yeah, gimme.” He scoffs at Swiss’ grabby hands and pulls out another one before shutting the fridge. The multi ghoul is already waiting with two spoons.

They chat some more as they snack, spreading some Abbey gossip as two ghouls do. Soon enough the empty yogurt packets end up in the thrash and they move to the living room.

Mountain sits in a big armchair in the corner of the common room, sprawling himself out in the deep plush to get comfortable. Swiss plops himself in his mate’s lap once he gets the go-ahead and curls up against his chest, rubbing his nose up and down Mountain’s neck.

“I love you,” He mutters. The earth ghoul kicks up a low, rumbly purr and wraps his arms around Swiss, holding him close.

“I love you, too.” Swiss starts his own purring and it is easy to fall asleep enveloped in the comfort of having each other so close.

Mountain has learned how to fight his anxiety relatively well long ago. It’s not something that can just be cured or gotten rid of, of course, but he manages it as well as one can.

But if you can’t get rid of something permanently, it will resurface every now and then.

The earth ghoul has always struggled with low self-esteem. He used to lack any confidence, always preferring to hide behind his drum kit.

It changed a lot over the years.

Mountain’s pack and Swiss helped him a great deal; proving every single day how kind, smart, beautiful, and most importantly loved he is. It took him years, but he finally believes it all and now he knows his worth.

But doubts creep back into his brain, sometimes.

That he’s not good enough, that he’s worthless, that he’s useless, that he’s a burden, that he’s unlovable. All lies, of course, but it’s hard to ignore a nagging voice inside one’s head repeating it all over and over again.

Whenever it does speak up, Mountain goes to Swiss.

Today has just been…rough for the earth ghoul and he finds himself in a not-so-good headspace around dinnertime. He had seen Swiss barely half an hour ago but he feels like spiraling and he knows he should not wait until he’s down there.

But on the other hand…Swiss is probably busy now, he can’t just go and bother him and–

No. Swiss loves him, he won’t–

Mountain squeezes his eyes as if it can get him rid of these awful thoughts and goes to find his mate before they change his mind and force him to hide.

It’s happened before, many times. There were times when he would panic so hard he would run to the woods, blend in with his element and not emerge for days—convinced nobody had even noticed he was gone.

They always did and they always looked for him.

He gets to the den, unsure if Swiss is there at first, but he catches his scent quickly. It leads him to their shared bedroom and Mountain tries to compose himself a little bit before knocking on the door and entering. Swiss is doing something by the closet—probably taking care of the freshly washed clothes.

“Hi, my love,” the multi ghoul grins as he sees him. He is always an image of pure joy when he sees him.

“Hey,” Mountain responds quietly, dragging his feet as he comes closer.

“What’s wrong?” Swiss asks, having immediately picked up on the sadness in his voice, the sour edge in his scent, and the slump of his shoulders.

“Nothing, can I just…” Mountain sighs and drags a hand down his face as his voice cracks, “can I get a hug?”

“Oh, baby,” the multi ghoul coos with a sad pout on his face, already coming towards him with open arms—all but running to comfort him, “of course you can, come here.”

Mountain melts the moment these strong and warm arms wrap around him. He sags in Swiss’ hold and hides his face in his neck. He can not hold back a dry little sob that breaks its way free at the newfound comfort.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” Swiss mutters, “I’ve always got you.”

It doesn’t take long for the comfort of Swiss’ embrace to make Mountain’s tears fall. He lets out a choked sob and hides further in his mate’s neck.

They stand like that for a while; just being. The multi ghoul holds his mate close and sways them side to side a little, letting him cry out whatever it is that has been bothering him. He does not need to know, not if he can help without that knowledge.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he repeats, rubbing his back. “You’re alright.”

Moments like these always make Swiss think about how he has seen Mountain when they first met. A huge ghoul with a stoic presence and yet a kind smile.

He thought his name was fitting not only because of his height. He thought the earth ghoul was unshakable, unmovable.

Swiss was pleased to find out Mountain is all but the definition of a gentle giant.

“Do you want to move to the nest?” Swiss asks once he deems his mate calm enough to move. He nods into his neck and the multi ghoul kisses his hair before gently maneuvering them over to their nest without untangling their limbs. It is not very easy and they end up having to pull away at least for a second.

“Sorry, I’m–I’m a mess,” the earth ghoul mutters, wiping tears and snot from his face as Swiss gets comfortable against the headboard. He opens his arms again once he is settled. Mountain falls right back into his embrace.

“You’re my mess, baby,” Swiss chuckles and kisses his forehead before poking his nose with a finger, making him giggle wetly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

Mountain cuddles up to Swiss’ side with his head over his heart and their hands clasped together. Their tails wrap around each other, too; Swiss’ tapping lightly against the mattress as he purrs. It relaxes the earth ghoul and he can feel the tension leaving him as he gets heavier against him.

Mountain is half asleep when Swiss speaks again. He does that on purpose; knowing that as sleepy as he is, the earth ghoul will not argue.

“You’re the smartest, kindest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met,” Swiss tells him. Mountain can only listen and breathe softly into his neck. “You give my life meaning, I love you so much it hurts sometimes and I need you, my love. I’m a part of you and the best part of me is you, Mountain. I don’t know what your brain was telling you earlier, but whatever it is, you know it’s not true and I’ll spend years proving it to you, okay? Do you understand me, sweetheart?”

It may not be so easy to believe all that Swiss is saying right away, but the one thing Mountain will never dare doubt is the multi ghoul’s devotion to making him believe.

He nods weakly in agreement just before he falls asleep in his arms.

Swiss always feared that retirement was going to bore him to death.

What would he do with his time? Stuck in the Abbey all year long with no opportunities to travel and have fun, really? How would he—a creature that lived on the adrenaline that playing shows all over the world provided—survive not touring? Sure, he would have his mate and his pack and they could play together in the rehearsal room as much as they wanted, but it would not be the same without both exhaustion and excitement of the real thing.

The multi ghoul could not see a point in living like this and he was scared.

He did not think he would be able to return to his old life after getting a taste of something bigger. He has spent countless nights worrying and coaxing himself into pointless panic attacks.

Now that the time to leave the Ghost project behind has come, Swiss realizes it may not be so bad.

Sure, it has only been a few months—no more than some breaks they had between touring—and he already feels a hole in his heart that is never fully going to get filled. But it is not so bad.

He thinks he has Mountain to thank for that.

When touring was the only thing for him, he used to think life would lose all meaning without it, but now it is Mountain that is Swiss’ life. He’s not scared anymore because he has his mate.

His life is full even though a big chunk of it was ripped away.

It’s slower now. They can sleep in every single day if they wish. They can go for week-long walks into the woods. They can do anything they want, really.

The only thing that matters is that Swiss and Mountain are together.

Mountain does not really miss touring—having had more than enough of it—but he doesn’t consider it all bad memories. Quite the opposite; all these years going around the world with his pack are the best of his long life. He misses the good moments, both on and off stage.

That is why he never declines when the pack asks him to join them in jamming out like the old times. It always feels good to climb his platform and sit behind his fancy drum kit again, to overlook the rest of the musicians as they run and jump around the stage.

Just like the old times.

They all still play a lot, but it is usually on their own, in their bedrooms. Each of them also spends a lot of time teaching both their instruments and elements to the new generation of ghouls summoned to continue the Ghost project.

Dewdrop—to everyone’s surprise—seems to have found his calling as a teacher; he loves it, and both he and his pupils are doing exceptionally well.

Aether and Aeon are switching between teaching the new quintessence ghoul guitar and quintessence, introducing them to the infirmary already.

Rain and the new water ghoul spend as much time in the lake as over their basses, just like Mountain with his pupil in the greenhouse and behind their drums.

The ghoulettes are—as always—rather secretive about their doings, but the old one’s voices can often be heard overlapping with the new trio’s.

Even Swiss has a pupil—a multi ghoul as chaotic and joyful as he is; perfect fit for replacing him.

But sometimes their pack meets in the rehearsal room purely for their own enjoyment.

Mountain turns to the right and relies solely on his muscle memory as he watches his mate on his platform—dancing and singing and laughing and playing. It hurts him sometimes, the fact that even if he does not, Swiss clearly misses it. Mountain would let him tour for decades if he only could, even if he would not go with him. He wishes he could give that to him.

Swiss looks at it differently now.

Yes, he misses touring terribly, but he does not regret being forced to retire. His life Topside until now was full of…everything, really, and now it’s time to tone it down, to go slower.

The rest of his life is for Mountain and he could not be happier about that.

They all get lost in the music again. All of them, Dewdrop, Rain, Aeon, Aether, Cirrus, Cumulus, Aurora, Sunshine, Swiss, and Mountain.

The ghoulettes are all dancing on two platforms, holding hands as they fill the room with the beautiful sound of their combined voices. Dewdrop keeps chucking picks at Aether. Aeon leans against Rain, nuzzling up to him like a car.

Swiss seems alone, but it could not be further from the truth. In that moment he feels less alone than ever.

Mountain can only smile and thank Lucifer for sending all these amazing ghouls his way when life was rough.

For sending Swiss his way when life was rough.

Their fun ends too soon, with the entire pack exhausted, but content. They slowly filter out of the room, thanking each other for the amazing time they had.

“Did you have fun, my love?” Swiss asks, coming up the platform behind his mate.

“I did,” Mountain sighs as the multi ghoul drapes himself over his back, not minding the sweat dripping off of him. “Did you?”

“You know it, baby,” he laughs. Mountain hums before turning on his stool and sweeps Swiss off of his feet. He yelps as he ends up in his mate’s lap with his arms around his neck. They both laugh like they are the happiest people in the entire universe.

They are the happiest people in the entire universe.

Mountain leans in to rest his forehead against Swiss’, knocking their horns together. They close their eyes and breathe the same air for a moment.

Despite all the little things they miss, their life could not be more perfect.

Swiss does not think his nightmares will ever go away. They have become less frequent over the years since he has been summoned, but once in a while—when he least expects it—something will hit him again. The less often they happen, the more frightening they are, though, and sometimes it takes the multi ghoul as much as a week to recover.

He wakes up gasping and sweating bullets for the first time in a few months and his first instinct is to blindly pat around for Mountain. He finds him, of course, and lets out a shaky breath of relief as he grabs his limp hand, but the dream still leaves him unsettled. The earth ghoul shifts in his sleep after being smacked a few times, but does not wake up.

Swiss was all alone again. Alone and cold in the Pit, but not like it was before he got summoned. He was alone then, yes, but he was also clueless. This time he was left with memories, knowing he had a pack and a happy life that suddenly was gone. Lacking and missing something is so much worse when you know exactly what you have lost. He felt like he was never going to experience the warmth of being loved again and it was horrible.

But he is awake now. He is awake and Mountain is right there.

Swiss stares at his mate; watching his chest rise and fall rhythmically and his nose twitch. It’s completely dark in their room, but his water part allows him to see well anyway. Mountain looks so peaceful and the multi ghoul’s heart feels like it is about to burst with the amount of love he has for him in it.

At some point the earth ghoul turns onto his side and unconsciously reaches out for Swiss, flopping an arm over his lap. He chuckles wetly and lays back down to snuggle into Mountain’s chest, his face slotted right over his heart. The tears that have been lingering in his eyes fall when his mate’s warmth envelopes him; falling in cold drops onto Mountain’s skin. This and Swiss’ heart pounding against him wakes him up.

“S’iss…’r you okay?” he slurs, all syrupy with sleep as he nuzzles into his hair.

“Yeah, baby. You’re here, I’m okay.”

“Nightmare?”

“Yeah,” Swiss sighs, cuddling up even closer. Mountain wraps his own arms tighter around him.

“I’m here,” he assures. The multi ghoul nods and tries to focus on his mate’s heartbeat and go back to sleep, but he can not quite shake off the fear that the dream has filled him with.

What if it is his future? What if he will be sent back before others? What if they will be sent back together but won’t manage to find each other? What if it will all be different and everyone gets sent back but him? Being alone Topside would be as bad as being alone in the Pit.

The worst part of his dreams is always that they are not completely unrealistic.

He sits up again, thinking Mountain has managed to fall back asleep and intending to just stare at him for the rest of the night and assure his brain all is fine. The earth ghoul did not, though, and he rises with Swiss.

“Wanna talk about it or just…be?” he asks as he intertwines their fingers.

“I don’t know, I just–didn’t have that one in a while and it got me all messed up.”

“I understand, my heart.” Mountain kisses his forehead and adjusts them, all but manhandling Swiss so he is in his lap, curled up smaller than it should be possible considering his actual size. “It’s okay, I’m here. Everything’s okay.”

He is, but…their family is bigger than the two of them.

“Do you, uh–do you think we could go check on the others?”

“Yeah,” the earth ghoul mutters, “yeah, of course.”

Swiss nods with gratitude and crawls out of their nest. He grips Mountain’s hand tightly as they leave their room and go down the corridor, intending to check their packmates’ bedrooms one by one. Mountain pauses before they can open Rain’s door, though, and his ear flicks.

“What is it?”

“Let’s go to the common room,” the earth ghoul says without actual explanation, but Swiss trusts him. He trusts him more than he trusts himself, so they do indeed go to the common room. Swiss looks with an anxious stare at each door they pass without checking, but Mountain just drags him along; albeit gently.

When they reach the commons Swiss understands.

Their whole pack is there, cuddled up in one big pile on the floor lined with tons of bedding. They are all snoring away, tangled in a way that makes it impossible to really notice where one ghoul ends and the other begins. Dewdrop is curled in a little ball on Aether’s chest; his face shoved between the other’s pecs. Rain is on his side, snuggled up to the two with his tail wrapped around the fire ghoul’s leg. Aeon is spooning Rain and drooling into his hair. Aurora is laying perpendicularly to him; her legs are thrown over the quintessence ghoul’s middle. Her head is resting on Cumulus’ stomach while Cirrus’ head is in the crook of her neck. Sunshine is sprawled half on top of them two.

The multi ghoul smiles and kisses Mountain in a way that expresses more than words ever could. He understands.

“Do you want to join them or get back to our room?” The earth ghoul asks.

“Here…” Swiss mutters, “but you don’t have to, your back will–”

“I’ll stay. I’ll always stay.”

Swiss doesn’t have it in himself to disagree; he nods and finds a spot where he and Mountain can lay down with the others. They slot in perfectly right next to Aether and the moment they get comfortable someone’s—most likely Dewdrop’s—tail drapes itself over them.

“You will never be alone again, my heart,” the earth ghoul whispers, kissing Swiss right below his ear. “No matter what happens, we will always be together.”

A couple of years into their retirement, Mountain and Swiss start to fantasize about having a space that would really be their own. Moving out of the Abbey isn’t an option. Not because of the Clergy’s control or some binding magic. Well, not unless the bond between a pack is considered magic, but truth be told it’s as close as it gets.

They simply don’t want to leave their family.

They would hate being unable to see them at least every other day, being unable to have cuddle piles; they would miss them terribly, even if they would not travel far. They are older now, though—especially Mountain—and the chaos is sometimes too much. That is why they started thinking of their options.

The Ministry’s grounds are big.

Swiss and Mountain share not only the element of earth in their cores, but also deep love for it, and when they are offered by the Clergy—or rather Copia himself, always the one to spoil his ghouls—to be provided with supplies to build a house in the woods, they accept without a second thought.

They begin planning immediately.

They have to have a little patio to drink tea in the mornings and to lounge with a book or guitar on. They need a big kitchen to cook and bake together as much as their hearts might desire. There must be a speaker system all over so they can have music they so love surrounding them at all times. Their bed has to be big and sturdy for…obvious reasons.

Thankfully both Mountain and Swiss are good at drawing.

They spend hours online, looking for inspiration and appliances they are going to need. They plan and draw everything, spilling their shared dreams onto paper.

Once it is all done, they insist they can do it all by themselves, but Copia does not agree. Not because he does not trust them, but because he loves them so much he only wants the best for them—he hires an actual architect and construction team for them.

It does not dull their excitement to bring their drawings to life; only now they are sure their house will last years. And they still do participate in the process, of course, but while the professionals are working on their cabin, Swiss and Mounty focus more on its surroundings.

They must have a garden, too.

They divide the space around the house into three parts and surround it all with magical hedge to keep away animals that might want to steal some of the things they plan on growing. The middle part they leave empty—apart from some flowers just to keep it in their style—to later on equip with chairs, tables, a swing, and anything that they might come up with that would make it a place that one wants to spend time in.

The other two parts are divided into growing fruit, vegetables, and even some grain. Whatever is possible, and considering Mountain’s power it is a lot.

Swiss and Mountain are standing there one evening, holding each other in a place that will soon be their patio, after the construction team has already left. They watch the sunset; sky painted oranges and pinks just behind the house that is steadily growing. It is as if Lucifer is congratulating them on the peaceful life that is just around the corner.

“We should get a cat,” Swiss hums into the space below Mountain’s jaw.

“What?” the other laughs quietly, slightly surprised by the proposition.

“Yeah, like a little kitten. They’re so cute.”

Mountain thinks about it. Yes, they are cute and now that they are about to have their own little home it would be precious to have something—someone—to raise there. They can not have kits Topside, so a pet would be the next best thing.

“Yeah, we should,” he mutters after a moment. Swiss pulls away and looks up at his mate, beaming. “What? Were you joking?”

“No, I just didn’t think you’d agree,” he giggles and stands on his tiptoes to kiss the earth ghoul. “I want a little calico girl.”

“Whatever you want is yours, my heart,” Mountain whispers and brings his mate closer. Swiss purrs at his warmth and he knows the earth ghoul means it; Mountain would bring the stars down from the sky and rip out his own veins to wrap them in if that would be Swiss’ wish.

The building of their house takes just short of a year. The final step is, of course, furnishing and decorating it, and the pair invite their family to help with that. The younger ghouls may not be aware, but in the Pit there is a certain tradition regarding couples that mate and leave the pack to live on their own. The pack or packs that the ghouls come out of build shelter for them to live in as a sign of the claim they still have on them. Not a possessive, objectifying one, but an affectionate one. It is simply extending the whole pack’s protection over the ghoul’s mate and their potential future kits.

That tradition is not cultivated by ghouls that get summoned Topside, and it would be especially senseless considering how unusual Swiss and Mountain’s pack and life is. So they come up with their own version.

Each ghoul of their family has a part of their cabin to decorate as they see fit.

It ends up being a patchwork style that would absolutely horrify any professional designer, but Mountain and Swiss could not be happier with how it all turned out.

Once their house is ready to move into, they walk into the fresh space and stand in the middle of it with proud smiles. They did it and it is not only their house now; it is their home.

“I think we should…initiate it,” Swiss says after a moment of just taking it in.

“As in…baptize?”

“Well, yeah, but I wouldn’t say that’s the right word for what I have in mind.”

“Oh…oh.”

The little kitten held against Swiss’ chest seems to agree as she meows loudly.

One of the things that have become a habit for Swiss and Mountain is their little kitchen dates—Mountain baking while Swiss cooks next to him.

They have them often, now that they have so much time to spare on their hands, and it never gets old or boring.

They plan their whole day in advance, prepare their recipes and make a list of groceries they need to get. Most of the ingredients Swiss needs to make dinner can be found in their garden, and most of the ingredients Mountain needs to bake dessert can be found in the pantry they have worked years on supplying. For anything else they make a trip to a local grocery store, holding hands and mirroring the smiles older ladies send their way.

A spacious kitchen with a lot of working space was one of the priorities when they were planning their cabin; they needed space to be able to cook side by side comfortably. Besides, the two-in-one living room and kitchen turned out to be the place they spend most of their time, followed closely by their bedroom and the outside.

Both Swiss and Mountain are usually clean about their cooking and baking—that is until one of them starts a food fight. They each have their favored bowls and spoons and dishes and rags. They have a silent agreement about the division of the counter, too, but that one blurs more often than not.

The pair prepare everything; they wash the vegetables and eggs, measure the dry and wet ingredients separately, and pick out all the utensils they’ll need. The last step is putting on their matching aprons they got as a gift. They switch them sometimes, but usually Swiss wears the one saying big spoon, while Mountain’s says little spoon.

They always have music on put through the speakers scattered all over; the type depending on their mood. Sometimes it is quieter, sometimes they turn it into a full blown cooking party with the music loud and their dancing energetic.

Today, though, they are enjoying the peace of it; they are humming to the soft music Swiss put on, swaying their hips as they work.

“How’s it going for you, my love?” Swiss asks, bumping his hip into Mountain. He looks over his arm into the bowl clutched between his hands and hums, unable to recognize what it is that his mate is working on.

“Alright,” Mountain says. “It’ll need a moment to rise before I bake it.”

“You won’t tell me what it is?” the multi ghoul whines jokingly, poking his mate’s arm with his horns.

“Nope,” he giggles, “you’ll see.”

“Fineee…” Swiss is not one to accept such mortifying defeat without a fight, though. He turns back to his own station and waits for Mountain to let down his guard before he strikes; shoving his fingers into one of the other bowls and pulling back with them covered in some kind of cream.

“Swiss!” Mountain throws his arms up; acting offended even though it’s a regular occurrence. “You menace!”

The multi ghoul only giggles as he skitters away to lick the cream off of his hand out of the other’s reach. It is sweet and kind of fluffy; that is probably what Mountain was beating the eggs for earlier. It’s delicious and Swiss tell his mate as much.

Mountain shakes his head and huffs as he goes right for Swiss’ own cooking and dips a finger in a warming up sauce in Swiss’ favorite green pan.

“Oh, you!” he laughs and walks up to him to wrap his arms around his waist from behind. The earth ghoul can not even pretend he is mad at him when Swiss kicks up a low purr and nuzzles his face against Mountain’s back. He can't help but set everything down and turn around to steal a kiss from his mate, too.

Thankfully nothing on the stove needs urgent attention; they can take their time loving on each other during their little break. They hear a little meow behind them and they pull away to look at someone who loves interrupting.

“Hi yourself,” Swiss laughs, turning to their cat Aira. He reaches out for her and she nuzzles her little fuzzy head into his palm. Mountain shakes his head but he can not deny their little lady is so adorable it is impossible to deny her affection. He comes closer, picks her up, and immediately brings her to his chest.

“Cat thief!” Swiss accuses. Mountain only shrugs; it can not be denied.

Aira is purring loudly all relaxed in the earth ghoul’s arms as he hops onto the clean end of the counter. Swiss mutters something about unfairness under his breath as he returns to his cooking, stirring something and poking a finger in to taste it.

He focuses on and gets lost in it all over again and Mountain watches him intently despite his attention seemingly being focused on the cat. He is not in a rush; his dough has to rest anyway. The earth ghoul is grinning at his mate by the time the alarm he set goes off and he has to put Aira down and get back to work.

In the evening they eat what they made, sitting on the opposite ends of a small table that’s just barely wide enough to fit their plates. They devour the meal so carefully and lovingly prepared by the multi ghoul; Mountain always praises the food and Swiss himself to the heavens. Not long after, Swiss does the same to Mountain and his dessert as he picks every single crumb from his plate and licks the cream off of his fingers.

Providing for each other is one of the love languages they share and love indulging and it fills them with more and more affection every single time; until they feel like they are about to burst with it. That is a part of the reason why every single one of their kitchen dates ends up the same—with them making love in a significantly different way than cooking for each other; kneading something else than pasta or cake dough.

When you have someone you love by your side, time goes by simultaneously slow and fast. It is slow when you look into your beloved’s eyes and get lost in them, when you enjoy every single second spent with them. But at the same time no amount of time feels enough. No matter how many years you have spent with the one you love, it will never be enough—in that way it all moves too fast.

It is different for ghouls; for any being that is considered immortal. Nothing can really come to an end for them and while living forever may feel like a terrible sentence, it does not have to be.

Swiss and Mountain are not afraid of eternity.

For them it is a gift. Not many have the chance of never running out of time. So many humans do and it is something neither Mountain nor Swiss can even imagine experiencing.

The curse of humanity is a horrible one.

They know how lucky they are and even though the ghouls being demons are called the damned ones, it could not be more wrong a description when it comes to Swiss and Mountain.

They are the blessed ones.

They have lived a big, full life already and there is still so much waiting for them.

The bonds of their pack loosen a little over time, mates distancing themselves to focus on each other—it is a natural way of things, even for a pack as unusual as theirs. Most of them stay in the Abbey—they of course spend more time together—but those who don't, hear from each other every few weeks and meet ever less often.

It is a little sad, if you think about it, considering all that they have been through together over the years.

But again, it’s different for ghouls.

They aren’t tied to one lifetime; they have multiple, and they divide them fairly.

Ghouls do not die. When—and if—they or somebody else decides their life Topside must come to an end, they simply turn into ash. Their spirits, something we could call a soul, retire back to the Pits, to the very place they were summoned from. Down there it is as if they never left, but their minds and hearts know otherwise. They are filled with memories and affections of what was and with them they continue their endless existence in Hell. It is not torment, it is not eternal damnation.

Not if they can find the one they linked their soul to.

When the time comes—whether it be tens, hundreds or thousands of years—Swiss and Mountain will find each other again. One single day they will spend apart; not more, not less.

And maybe they will find others, too.

Rain and Dewdrop, who will have left earlier to rid the water ghoul of the pain tied to his mortal vessel. The ghoulettes, all four of them, who will have enjoyed what the human world has to offer for as long as it is enjoyable. Aether and Aeon, not mated, but linked by something as strong; a brotherly bond like no other.

Maybe they will find older ghouls also. Alpha and Omega, Zephyr and Ifrit, Mist and Delta, maybe even Chain himself. Maybe the Emeritus brothers will be there, too, if the old rumors of them being favored in such a way by Lucifer turn out to be true.

For now, it is all a mystery; a riddle that is not to be solved for centuries or millennia. There is only one certainty in all of it.

Swiss and Mountain will always be together.

#hypnone writes #the band ghost #nameless ghouls #swiss ghoul #mountain ghoul #swissalps #hypnone's commissions

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theoncomingchaos · 1 month

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Finale vs the Book

This episode had the largest amount of original content in the entire series, but that being said there were still a lot of parts that were the same. Huai'en's rescue, Xiaobao's healing, the parents devoting themselves to Buddhism, etc. are all still the same basically.

Things I wish they'd kept:

We were SO CLOSE to the really sweet talk about how Huai'en likes Xiaobao chubby because he's softer, but he loves him no matter his shape and size. (It should have come after the part about his collar bone.)

Zhao Cai apparently having a romance with a maid off screen and deciding to propose to her. It's not a big deal, but it was a nice thing for him and after putting up with Huaibao and Sibao he deserved it. That being said, I LOVE his new friendship with Xiao Yu.

Comparing the actual endings:

The extra chapter in the book has some nice moments in it, but the original content they made for the series was MUCH better in my opinion. It focused on character growth and a look into the characters' futures together. It was very hopeful and beautiful. The book (final chapter AND extra chapter) ends in sex. Like A03 levels of detailed sex. Pick your poison basically.

Things I am SO happy they added:

The talk between Su Yin and Xiaobao showing understanding and acceptance on both sides was such a great addition. Their friendship is really beautiful. I do wish the show had found a way to show the flashbacks to their childhood, but I'm still very satisfied with how their relationship was portrayed.

All of the Xiao Yu & Zhao Cai stalking Huaibai around the house was adorable. Frustrating, but adorable.

Helping the citizens was SO GOOD. It gave so much closure and showed such beautiful character growth for the whole family and Huai'en as well. It gives Xiaobao and his family a real chance at starting over and doing things right.

The wedding talk <3 PLEASE GIVE US A SPECIAL EPISODE

A proper (and hilarious) goodbye between Jin Bao and his family. Also, the promise of seeing them soon.

The happy family with the new home ending. I was really glad to see the shadows there as well.

The tiny glimpse of the dynamic we can expect in the future between Huai'en and Shao Yu.

Overall, this series was so good and it really did represent the book very well. For those who want more depth into the character's minds and can handle the multitude of trigger warnings for the first half of the book, I would recommend it. If not, hopefully there will be a lot of fanfic for us.

#meet you at the blossom #Huaibao #I am extremely tempted to write an essay about Su Yin #But I better finish the fic first #Time to live in the tag and in A03 for who knows how long

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bababerries · 6 days

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Daniil Dankovsky’s internalized bigotry is really fascinating to me because he’s clearly someone with left leaning values who wants change and actively questions things. And he’s clearly a victim of oppression himself. But he’s also a famous white guy (potentially wealthy tho I feel like that aspect is debatable/up to interpretation with how money is in his storyline) with a lot of unchecked privilege over others he doesn’t fully recognize and I like how this is shown gameplay mechanic wise with how Clara and Artemy have struggles with the reputation mechanic but you never have an issue with that as Daniil unless you’re actively trying to lol.

It’s some nice discussion on moral purism because I feel like a lot of left leaning people don’t wanna dissect how a lot of us have internalized bigotry in some way shape or form and get defensive about confronting it. It’s easier to admit to the internalized bigotry however if it’s a minority you’re part of. Like it’s seen as more “inherently noble” it’s seen as more palatable and heroic to carry that burden on your shoulder where it gives the illusion that the only person you’re hurting is yourself. (I think I kinda see Artemy fitting this to an extent in a meta way (?) because he’s an internalized racist and his narrative feels like a commentary on like an avarage hero journy where he’s the underdog who struggles but overall comes on top and achieves a “happy ending” for everyone and oh he’s so noble for shouldering all these burdens on his own despite his suffering and even he believes this as he refers to himself as a hero but in reality his internalized self loathing and conservative brainwashing and pressure to live up to his dad has made him neglect his own interiority and his plethora of issues) and how I personally interpret Daniil I think he kinda sheds light on how people definitely have internalized bigotry for groups they don’t belong to because internalization is more complex then internalizing the ugly comments and actions people direct towards you for your identity but the seeds the world plants in us to hate those different from us. And how victim blaming is taught to us. I think a lot of people get defensive about confronting this part of themselves but it’s a very real thing. Sometimes good intentioned people do and say fucked up things

And I see this in Daniil’s story. I think it’s very fitting actually. He values freedom and freewill, he thinks scapegoating is horrible. And he has a lot of admirable values and wants to fight against a government that oppresses him. Him saving Clara on day 6 is one of my favourite character moments and it’s consistent how as an npc he always plays a part in helping you restore your protagonist damaged reputation. But as much as he wants to fly free he’s so imprisoned and oppressed and ends up mimicking the behaviours that he despises from those above

His language is often filled with racist and insensitive microaggressions like calling the kin savages and isidor having a “uncivilized air to him” I think here Daniil is mainly criticizing the kins violence which I don’t think he’s wrong to have an issue with and he has this issue with the town to talking about them in a similar way. But this language is targeted and offensive and uses racist terms conscious or not. I think it’s what makes some things with his dynamic with Artemy interesting to. They put a time limit on their friendship because the both of them understand they’re different and have different viewpoints on this dilemma but in the Haruspex route they do develop a genuine friendship so there’s definitely a tragic element to the fact that they just refuse to try to understand or ever consider what the other is saying or try to reach a conclusion together. I would argue to some extent all the healers acknowledge in some way they are simular and empathize with one another weather they want to acknowledge that or not. But they’re all too stubborn and prideful to ever try to propperly get a long and work together. And while Daniil likes and appreciates artemy he does not respect him. He says he does and perhaps Daniil thinks so himself but I don’t believe that. He is actively very dismissive and condescending towards Artemy. And it’s very insensitive how he talks down the kin to Artemy’s face. Only ever indulging him in his background when it benifits his plan to save the polyhedron. (I wanted to talk a bit on how he views twyrine and the panacea but my memory is a bit blurry on some of the specifics regarding his shifting feelings)

His classism is also interesting as he’s also a victim of it or it’s generally just heavily affected his life of having to work so hard and rise ranks to be someone important in order to actually make a positive change in the world. And even with his status he’s still picked on by the government and how the powers that he can so easily crush and shut down his lab, research and passion just because they feel like it. And it’s easy to interpret him going broke by just trying to keep Thanatica afloat. Daniil is egotistical but he also thinks highly of himself because he feels like he needs to be a responsible reliable person because that’s his job.

I remember thinking to myself “Daniil would be the kind of person who’s say what do you know you don’t have a degree in this” which he actually said in Marbles nest and yeah he would say that. Because he’d take it as a personal attack at how hard he worked to get where he is and an attack to his ego. He’d be offended on the behalf of himself. But in reality this is a really bad statement to make a lot of the time because education and knowledge shouldn’t be capitalized and gatekeeped. It’s insensitive to those who’ve gained knowledges through lived experience and unfair to those who don’t have the same luxuries as other people do and is just a very narrow minded view of intelligence. I think it can also beg the question that yeah I think Daniil is justified in a lot of the frustration he feels in the game at the town. He gets manipulated and abused a lot. But also a lot of people in the town didn’t have the same luxuries Daniil did. He has a lot of privilege and knowledge a lot of common folk in the town do not and kinda have to live in these circumstances. And it’s frankly also all they know. (Again I think Artemy’s ending kinda discusses this with the kids growing up to mindlessly fill their parents footsteps without questioning everything and reverting back to status quo)

I don’t think Daniil is stupid but he’s very flawed and also often will see things in black and white and get tunnel visioned because he wears his heart on his sleeve. He struggles with being empathetic/sympathetic and can be dismissive. He feels like he himself is misunderstood so he has difficulty giving people that same luxury because he himself feels denied of it but it ends up with him being self absorbed in such a way where he ends up hurting more people then doing good despite desperatly wanting to do the latter. I think the message of his ending captures this perfectly

(I do kinda wish his misogyny was written a little better especially since his route has themes of him having issues with the towns violent misogyny and Maria and Eva respectively being easily read as commentaries of misogynistic archetypes but there’s barely any lines of him saying misogynistic stuff in game all of them are basically a rude conversation ender and also just feel lazily written. I also don’t think he says anything as an npc irrc. It comes off more like old video game misogyny that feels “oh this character is an asshole and a man so we have to also make him misogynistic sometimes” then an intentional character flaw which really sucks since I do think you can write something interesting with it. Esp since I think Artemy’s misogyny is really interesting with how it plays into his ending and how racism and misogyny have a lot in common so it’s easy to conflate the herb brides treatment with his own)

#this isn’t supposed to be a pathologic blog I made this to yap about all my interests #but Classic HD has been spinning in my brain since I finished it #and while i definitely don’t understand everything about the game it’s just so fun to think and talk about #and Clara and Daniil are such mecore characters #I’m also so insane about the Saburovs I need to totally talk about them #pathologic #daniil dankovsky #this post is incredbily rambly sorry about that lol

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stevie-petey · 9 months

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episode nine: the beginning

“No, I understand.” Steve smiles and then points to the wall of comics behind you. “So, if we’re going to be friends, I gotta ask about your Spider-Man obsession.” “Oh, now that’s just too personal. This is like, day three of our friendship. At least ask what my favorite color is, first.” Steve laughs again and nods. “Alright, fair. What is your favorite color, then?” And this is the beginning of your friendship with Steve Harrington.

summary: BONUS EPISODE TIME ! steve becomes bookstrorindary's favorite loyal costumer, jonathan buys you a bug for christmas, you freak out your poor coworker alex, and suddenly steve is really hot and you're feeling so many feelings (bad ! it's all bad !).

rating: general, some swearing

warnings: swearing, angst ending (sorry gang), fem!reader and use of y/n

words: 6.5k

before you swing in: surprise ! bonus chapter that takes place between seasons 1 and 2. basically, as the title says, it's the beginning of everything between steve and reader. this is where everything starts to take shape, their beginning dynamic, and ultimately the horrible timing of it all. life is hard, steve is hot, and reader just wants to heal her physical and metaphorical wounds. enjoy !

November 15th, 1983

When Steve Harrington walks into Bookstrordinary your first day back, you think your lingering concussion from the monster is causing you to hallucinate.

You had been struggling to reshelf some books, your crutches being a burden and hard to balance with as you stack, when the bell above the front door alerted you of someone’s arrival.

“Welcome to Bookstrordinary, how can I help you–” You place the last back in the shelf and turn around, not expecting who you see. “Steve?”

He smiles at you and shoves his hands in his bomber jacket. “Hey, Y/N.”

“What are you doing here?”

“You can’t figure out my nickname if we don’t hang out, right? So,” He shrugs, as if this is just another Monday for him. “I’m here.”

You stare at him for a moment, unsure what exactly to do. While you hadn’t been lying when you told Steve that you guys could be friends, you hadn’t expected him to jump at the opportunity so quickly. His eyebrow is still healing from his fight with Jonathan in the alley and you’re stuck with crutches for the next two weeks.

Wounds are still healing. You figured Steve would take some time to collect himself, but it appears that he simply doesn’t care, or maybe it doesn’t matter to him.

“How did you know I even worked here?” You ask the boy, now making your way over to the front counter where he stands.

Steve chuckles. “You really can’t give me credit for anything, can you? I pay attention, Y/N. I can be observant.”

“It’s not like that,” you’re quick to correct, scared that Steve will think you see him as some mean jock. “I just… I’m not used to people paying attention to me, I guess.”

You pause and make a face, not liking the way that sounds. “That sounded incredibly gross and cheesy, huh?”

“No, I understand.” Steve smiles and then points to the wall of comics behind you. “So, if we’re going to be friends, I gotta ask about your Spider-Man obsession.”

“Oh, now that’s just too personal. This is like, day three of our friendship. At least ask what my favorite color is, first.”

Steve laughs again and nods. “Alright, fair. What is your favorite color, then?”

And this is the beginning of your friendship with Steve Harrington.

He spends almost two hours the first day at your job, asking you questions about yourself, your favorite food and color and animal, which genre of books you prefer, anything and everything he can think of to get to know you better, Steve asks it.

At first you’re unnerved by his onslaught of questions, but slowly you find yourself opening up to him and enjoying having Steve with you. He makes your last few hours of work bearable and fun. Before you know it, you begin asking him your own questions. You learn that he loves banana bread, secretly enjoys helping his mom around the house, and that blue is his favorite color.

When your coworker Alex walks in to take over the next shift and finds you leaning against the counter talking to Steve, he almost spits out the milkshake he had been drinking. “S–Steve Harrington?”

Steve tenses for a second and, before your very eyes, he morphs into his King Steve persona effortlessly. You’re not sure what exactly he changes about himself, but he becomes more closed off, guarded, with an air of authority that frightens you a little. “Hey, kid. Do I know you?”

Alex shakes his head, too stunned to speak.

“That’s my coworker, Alex.” You take pity on the poor kid. He’s only a year younger than you, but you suppose that a junior like Steve, someone well known and admired throughout the school, can be intimidating.

“Nice to meet ya, buddy. I’m assuming that Y/N here is off the clock now?”

“Y–yes.” Alex squeaks out.

The bell above the door rings again, this time announcing Jonathan’s arrival.

He walks in, distracted with some groceries in his arms, so when he finally looks up and sees you, Steve, and Alex all standing in a circle staring at him, he freezes. “Well, this is an interesting sight.”

Steve ducks his head, his King persona quickly fading away. “Hey, Jonathan.”

“Steve,” Jonathan responds cooly, looking between you and him as if trying to figure out a complex math equation.

Great.

You clear your throat and step away from Steve, heading to the back of the store to collect your things and clock out. “Just give me a minute or two to grab my things, then I’ll be all set to leave, Jonathan.”

He nods at you, still staring at Steve like he’s some foreign creature, and you quickly hobble away to avoid any interaction between them. You’re not sure why having the two of them in the same room as you feels so wrong, but your head still aches from its concussion and your ribs are so bruised that breathing still hurts, so you really don’t have the time to figure any of it out.

While you’re gone, Steve and Jonathan continue to stare each other down.

“Picking Y/N up?” Steve guesses, eyeing the keys in Jonathan’s hand and the groceries in the other.

“Yeah, kinda something I’ve always done.”

“Right.”

Jonathan readjusts his grip on one of the grocery bags, having nothing better to do as he waits for you. Alex busies himself with rearranging some books at the counter, clearly equally as uncomfortable as the two teens are.

Steve lets a whistle out and awkwardly stuffs his hands into his pockets. Jonathan watches him in curiosity. The scab on his eyebrow has almost healed over, but Jonathan still gets a kick of pride seeing it. He’d done that. He’d marred King Steve’s handsome face.

“Are you, like… Y/N’s friend now?” Asks Jonathan, the question heavy on his mind. He trusts your judgment of people, he knows you can read people better than anyone else, but having Steve around you makes him uneasy. The guy had been a grade A dick to you and him for years, especially his bullshit friends Carol and Tommy.

“We made a compromise,” Steve says, a hint of humor in his voice.

Jonathan frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well–”

“Okay, let’s go!” You walk back in, fearful of whatever conversation you’ve interrupted.

Jonathan watches as Steve immediately turns to you, as if drawn in by your mere presence, and he starts to wonder exactly what the boy’s intentions are with you. All you did was walk into the room, and yet Steve is hanging onto your every word.

He doesn't blame him, god he doesn't. It’s you. You could command a room with just your smile alone, but Jonathan isn’t used to sharing that with others.

Especially not with people like Steve.

“Will you be working tomorrow?” Steve asks you, a twinkle in his eye.

You nod at him. “Mhm, I work every day after school. On weekends I’m usually home doing homework or keeping that one in check.”

You point at Jonathan, who laughs. “Guilty.”

“Then I’ll see you at the same time tomorrow?” Steve doesn’t even look over at Jonathan, which he rolls his eyes at.

“See ya then.” You smile wide at Steve and for some reason Jonathan really wants to throw the bag of eggs he’s holding.

This was not what he had been expecting when he told you earlier he’d be picking you up after getting his mom some groceries.

And had someone told Jonathan that the rest of sophomore year would go on like this, he probably would’ve thrown the bag of eggs at Steve then.

–

True to his word, Steve comes by and visits you almost every day leading up to winter break. He becomes a regular, hanging around the counter talking to you about anything and everything. The first few days you had been a bit nervous that your boss, Mrs. Waters, would have a problem with him, but she quickly dispelled your concerns.

“Oh, that handsome young man? He can stay as long as he likes. I think he’s the reason we’ve been getting so many young customers recently.”

You look around and realize that, yeah, there is in fact a new group of freshmen girls who have started stopping by and browsing the romance section. You’ve noticed the way they stop and stare at Steve while he talks to you, whispering and giggling to themselves.

Steve pays them no mind, always too busy talking about basketball or his latest issue with Nancy.

That’s been the one downside to all of this, really.

You’re happy the two of you are friends, but between Jonathan’s moaning about the girl and now Steve’s worrying that he’ll never be good enough, you’re kinda sick of talking about Nancy Wheeler.

Which is a shame, you actually quite admire the girl.

“And today she looked at me in the hallway and I think she even smiled–”

“Steve,” you interrupt him, a headache forming. “Like I’ve told you a million times now, she needs some time. It’s only been a few weeks, I think she’s still recovering from what happened at Jonathan’s. She also lost Barb, you can’t forget that.”

You don’t tell Steve about the whole Jonathan and Nancy situation, partly because it isn’t your place, and partly because you’re not sure if it will do more harm than good.

The boy nods, looking crestfallen. “Yeah, you’re right. I just… I want to get this right, ya know?”

“I know, and you will. Just… let her come to you, but also show that you’re still there for her. Does that make sense?”

“Yes. Got it. Stay at a distance, but in a smooth way.”

You snort. “Not how I would’ve phrased that, but sure.”

You go back to counting the change in your register, beginning the early stages of closing up for the night. Jonathan will be here in about twenty minutes, you’ve come to learn that if you distract Steve when he’s here, then there’s fewer awkward interactions.

You’re hoping that once Nancy figures out which boy she wants that you can then all be friends, but until then you’re stuck with being an uncomfortable middleman who just wants to drive home with you best friend in peace after spending a lovely evening with your new and endearing friend.

Speaking of your new and endearing friend, Steve begins to tap his fingers against the countertop, fidgeting around. Amongst the many things you’ve learned about Steve these last few weeks, you’ve also learned that he absolutely hates silence and standing still.

“Okay,” you place your hand over his fingers, stopping his tapping. “I’m going to start closing, how about I give you a list of the books and comics I need to bring home with me? It’ll make closing go by faster.”

Steve perks up, happy to be given something to do. “Alright, I can do that. What are they for, though?”

“Most of the comics will be for the boys; it'll be their Christmas gifts. The rest, the books mostly, will be for myself. I like to add them to my bookshelf at home.”

“No way,” Steve’s eyes light up and he leans in close, a teasing smile on his face. “Am I about to get a look into Y/N Henderson’s mind?”

You shoo him off your counter, grabbing your crutches to start restocking books for tomorrow. Steve follows close behind, carefully watching your steps to make sure you don’t fall. “I wouldn’t be too happy, I doubt you’d be able to figure out which comics are for me and which are for the kids. As for the books… well, guess I’ll have to make you sign a contract stating our friendship is legally binding. Can’t embarrass myself.”

“I’d gladly sign it,” Steve says, without even hesitating.

You stumble a bit and he’s quick to steady you. Steve does that sometimes, says things that make you feel like you feel hazy and warm. Too warm. You’re not used to his candidness yet; Steve doesn’t hide how he’s feeling, he’s an open book.

You’re not sure if his open vulnerability is a good thing, but you’re slowly starting to find it nice. Pleasant, almost.

“Anyways,” you shake your head, trying to clear your mind and ignore whatever cologne Steve is wearing that makes your head spin. “The list is in my backpack by the counter. Grab it and start hunting, soldier.”

Steve salutes you and does as he’s told. In no time he’s wandering the bookstore, humming to himself as he skims the many shelves and aisles to find everything you need. You busy yourself with your own job, arranging a new shipment of books so that Alex has a calm opening shift the next morning.

The freshmen girls have long since left, leaving you and Steve alone. Mrs. Waters is somewhere in her office, probably seeing if there’s any way to hire Steve, and it’s nice being alone with him. The two of you work silently side by side, he diligently works on his task and you can’t help but sneak a few glances when he’s not looking.

Steve Harrington has always been attractive, you can’t deny that, but learning this gentler and nerdier side of him has only increased his attractiveness tenfold. Pair him with Nancy and it’s no wonder the two of them were such a hit at school. They make a beautiful pair, something you almost envy.

Just as you’ve finished stacking the last of the new shipment, the bell rings in the store. You look up, seeing Jonathan, and feel yourself smile. He looks more tired today, though you suppose it’s because he’s basically become the kids’ chauffeur now that he’s no longer working. He claims that he doesn’t mind, but you know he secretly wishes you were there to help.

“Rough day, bee?”

He nods, walking over to you and places his head against your shoulder, letting out a dramatic groan. “Dustin insisted I drive them to the quarry to reenact Will’s body being retrieved. It was morbid, and yet… Kinda funny.”

“I…” you’re speechless, in complete disbelief. “Those boys are horrible, I love their freakish little brains.”

“What’d they do now?” Steve appears, a giant stack of comics and books in his arms. “Hey, Jonathan.”

“Steve,”

You gently remove Jonathan from your shoulder and face Steve. “They reenacted Will’s dead body being found in the quarry. A typical Friday afternoon, really.”

Steve’s jaw drops, equally as speechless as you were, and you and Jonathan laugh at him. “They sound insane.”

“If we’re going to be friends, you really gotta get used to the boys.” You tell him with a shrug.

Jonathan walks over to the counter and grabs your backpack, then goes to Steve and holds it open, motioning for him to place all the comics and books in there. “She’s right, you know.”

Steve lets a chuckle out, a hint of nervousness mixed in with delight as he drops your stuff in the bag. “I know, she’s always right. That’s what scares me.”

You blush and leave the boys on their own to go inform Mrs. Waters that you’re closing up. You hear them start whispering to each other as you leave, and you make a mental note to badger Jonathan about it on the drive home. While you’re relieved they seem to be getting along tonight, you absolutely cannot have them forming an alliance against you. They’d lose, of course, but still.

–

Winter break comes and you spend the first half of it with your family and the Byers. Your mom has slowly started letting you out the house again. When you came home with a sprained ankle, crutches, and bruised ribs, she’d almost fainted. You were promptly placed under house arrest, only allowed out for work and school, but you didn’t mind.

It takes some pleading, you manage to convince her to allow you to bike to the Byers’ on Christmas to deliver your treats for them. When she agreed, you were giddy, finally having some time to yourself.

Though it’s snowing, you enjoy the beautiful serenity of it all. The layer of white, untouched and pristine, falling around the pine trees like a blanket tucking you in after a long day, makes you smile.

It’s always so lovely seeing Will and Joyce and you wish you could stay longer, but your mom had been firm when she told you to be back within the hour, so you deliver the cookies and bid your farewells before Jonathan drives you home.

After your conversation, making him promise that things will always remain the same between you two, the car ride is silent once more. You’re okay with this, finding that you’ve come to miss your comfortable silences with Jonathan. They’ve become few and far between ever since Will’s reappearance. You’ve both been busy attending to him and the boys, trying to make everything as normal as possible again.

When Jonathan pulls into your driveway, you unbuckle your seatbelt and lean over to kiss his cheek, but he stops you. “Hold on, I figured we’d do our gift exchange early this year.”

You gasp. “Did you plan this?”

For years now, you and Jonathan have given each other your gifts the day after Christmas so that it’s just the two of you, no one else, experiencing the moment. You love the tradition, it’s become your favorite part of Christmas.

“Maybe,” he laughs, wrapping around his seat to get to the back. He pulls out a small box that’s so poorly wrapped, you know he did it all by himself. “Here, open it.”

“But your gift is inside, I didn’t–”

“Shush and open the gift, damnit.”

“How sweet,” you tease, but eagerly begin tearing at the wrapping paper. Jonathan has always given you the most obscure and wonderful gifts, every year he somehow manages to surprise you. You tear off the last piece of wrapping paper and open the small box, gasping when you see what’s inside. “Jonathan… you didn’t.”

Inside the box is a beautiful silver necklace. The chain itself is simple, it’s the pendant attached to it that takes your breath away.

Dangling from the necklace is a bee, no bigger than a centimeter or so.

There’s small diamonds in its wings and the necklace itself is minimal, something you’d only notice if you were paying attention, and it’s the most precious gift you’ve ever been given. You touch it delicately, the metal cool against your fingertips.

Jonathan gives you a boyish smile. “Figured we could match.”

“What–” He raises his right hand and for the first time you notice a ring on his index finger. You gasp again and snatch his hand, bringing it closer to your face so you can get a better look. The ring has a thick silver band, and there, in its center, is a ladybug as small as your bee. The ladybug is all silver, its wings integrated through the ring’s band. “Jonathan…”

“Do you like it? I found the jewelry at a garage sale this summer. Came as a pair,” Jonathan wraps the hand you’re inspecting around your own. “Almost like fate knew I’d find it for us, ya know? Bug and bee, you and me.”

You have so many things you want to say, but the words are stuck in your throat and all you want to do is grab Jonathan and pull him in and never, ever let him go. “You’ve had the jewelry for months?”

“Hardest secret I’ve had to keep from you, honestly.”

You laugh and cry and kiss Jonathan’s cheek a million times. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Things are finally starting to feel alright again. Here the two of you are, parked in your driveway in Jonathan’s rundown car, off in your own little world for the first time in months. It’s just the two of you, no one else, with only the falling snow as your company.

You couldn’t be happier. You feel complete again, whole, with Jonathan’s pinky promise from earlier as your oath.

“I feel bad,” you say as Jonathan walks you to your door. “For Christmas all I got you were cassettes. Had I known you were being sentimental this year I would’ve given you a lock of my hair or something.”

Jonathan laughs, and the sound doesn’t hurt you as much as it used to.

–

Working the day after Christmas has always been your favorite shift. No one ever comes in, it’s always just been you, your books, and your comics for five blissful hours.

Somehow, you should’ve known that Steve would stop by anyways.

You’re admiring your new necklace in a mirror when he walks in, all bundled up due to the flurry of snow that’s encasing Hawkins.

“How do you always manage to know when I’ll be working?” You ask him in lieu of a greeting.

Steve unzips his coat and hangs it up. “A magician never reveals his secrets, Y/N.”

“Boring, I say they should.”

“Well,” he walks over with both hands behind his back, hiding something, which you raise your eyebrows at. “Instead of my secrets, can we compromise on revealing a gift instead?”

You gape at him. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

“Oh, I did.”

“Steve! I didn’t even get you anything, I hate being empty handed! This is literally my worst nightmare–”

Steve places the box on the counter with a devilish smile on his face. “Just shush and open it, Y/N.”

“But–”

“Open it.”

You sigh, very much against this entire thing, but curiosity gets the better of you. Steve has only been your friend for barely a month now, what could he have possibly gotten you? The wrapping is well done, vastly neater than Jonathan’s had been, which you comment on.

Steve blushes. “My mom sorta helped me wrap it.”

Something warm settles in your stomach at the idea of Steve’s mom helping him wrap his gift for you. “Tell her that I admire her tasteful wrapping skills.”

Steve chuckles and tells you he will, but he’s too focused on watching you slowly unwrap the gift. Inside is a rectangular box, thin but sturdy, and you look up at your friend curiously. “What’s this?”

“Open it and see.” Steve says, giving you a duh look.

You roll your eyes at him but lift the box’s lid and almost scream when you see what’s inside.

Steve anxiously studies your reaction, seeing the way your eyes widen comically and you throw your hands over your mouth to stifle a scream. You’re practically jumping up and down in your excitement to hold the framed poster up, and he feels relief wash over him. You seem to love the gift, he finally did something right.

“How the fuck did you get this?” You exclaim, studying the incredible details on the poster. It’s the cover of the very first edition of Spider-Man, Amazing Fantasy #15. You eyes scan over it and notice scrawled handwriting next to Spider-Man’s leg. “No, oh my god.”

“Notice anything special about it?” Steve leans against the counter with his arms crossed, a pleased smile on his face.

“It’s signed? By Stan fucking Lee?”

“Yup.”

You run out from behind the counter and engulf Steve in your arms. He’s stiff against you, having not expected such a reaction, but you don’t care. You bury your face in his chest and squeeze him, trying your best to exude your immense gratitude. “Thank you,”

Steve slowly relaxes into the embrace and wraps his arms around you, gently patting your back. “My dad knows a guy… Thought you’d like it.”

“I love it, Steve.” You whisper, your words muffled by his sweater.

You’re still wrapped in his arms, standing toe to toe with him, and you’re so happy it almost hurts. Steve’s arms are warm and strong and you feel him hesitantly rest his cheek atop of your head. He brings you in closer, secures his hold on you a little tighter, and you can smell that stupidly expensive and addicting cologne of his.

Steve is internally freaking out. Not only is he hugging you right now, but he’s surrounded by you. Your hair is against his cheek, your soft perfume overtakes his senses, and the sweater you’re wearing has Steve believing that everything about you is just warm and comforting and lovely. He wants to pull you in deeper, pull you into him, even.

He’s never been hugged like this before, so openly and with such sincerity.

He doesn’t want this moment to end, honestly.

Then your boss comes through the front door. “Well, hello there, children.”

You don’t necessarily pull away from Steve, letting an arm linger around him so that you can face your boss. “Hello, Mrs. Waters. We were just wrapping up, then we’ll be out of your hair.”

She waves you off, winking, and scurries over to her office. “Oh, don’t mind me! Carry on!”

You and Steve laugh, no ounce of tension between you. He seems carefree as always, and you have to refrain from pulling him into another hug. You look up at him, still toe to toe, so your head almost butts against his chin. “I sort the books, you stack?”

He smiles down at you. “Deal.”

–

Winter becomes spring and somehow you manage to finish sophomore year without any further problems. Jonathan remains by your side, Steve continues to visit you at work, and you even strike up a tentative friendship with Nancy.

It was hard at first, especially after she got back together with Steve, but Jonathan seemed to do well at burying down his feelings and insisted that the four of you could make things work, so you do.

Nancy is a joy to be around when you forget about the fact that Jonathan is hopelessly in love with her. She’s incredibly intelligent, cunning, and a great chemistry partner. Following the events of Will, you and her discover that by studying together, Kaminsky’s exams aren’t too difficult.

You often study together in the library while Jonathan sits across the table doing his own work. Slowly, Steve begins to join in as well. He usually spends your study sessions cracking jokes and bugging Jonathan, but after a while even he breaks down Jonathan’s stoic demeanor and strikes up their own hesitant relationship.

It’s not perfect, there’s still some underlying tension between you, Nancy, and Jonathan, but it’s enough.

Plus, it’s useful having Steve around whenever Jonathan and Nancy slip off into their own world. It’s become inevitable, something you’ve come to accept, but at least you can turn to Steve now and roll your eyes together.

It’s really nice, actually.

He eases the sting of losing Jonathan, even if he doesn’t realize it. Makes everything more bearable.

Summer comes and you don’t see Nancy as often, but Steve makes sure to visit your job whenever possible.

One day he comes in looking nervous and doesn’t do his usual greeting. He doesn’t wave, doesn’t flash you his signature smile, he just walks straight towards the counter with a frightened look on his face. “I need your help.”

You put the book you’d been reading down and immediately feel dread overwhelming you. Something is happening again, all those contracts you had to sign by Hawkins Lab are coming back to bite you in the ass. Will is in danger again. “Is everything okay?”

He must see the terrified look in your eyes and he quickly reassures you. “Oh, no it’s nothing serious, I just… I need your help with something.”

“Holy fuck,” you let out a breath, feeling your heartbeat start to return to normal. “Dude, after the whole monster fiasco, can we use some discretion when it comes to asking for help?”

“Right, sorry.”

“It’s fine… So, what’s up?”

Steve looks around the store to ensure no one is listening, which you find a bit odd, but whatever. He leans in close and whispers, “I need your help finding a gift for Nancy.”

“A gift?”

“Yeah. It’ll be six months with her soon and I just, I don’t know. I want to be a good boyfriend and get her something she’ll like. But I don’t know what she’d like, I’m the worst gift giver ever.”

You frown. “That’s not true. The poster you got me is hanging in my room as we speak.”

“Thanks, Y/N. But Nancy is different, she’s… She’s still really shaken up about Barb and I want to make it up to her. Cheer her up, ya know?” Steve fiddles with his sunglasses, you’ve never seen him so closed off and guarded before.

“Okay, well. What did you have in mind?”

“Something she’ll love.” Steve thinks for a moment. “A diamond necklace, maybe?”

“Okay, woah.” You put your hand up to slow down Steve’s frantic ideas. “I know you mean well, but Nancy is like. Pretty well off. She can afford her own diamond necklace, but besides that, she’s not a very materialistic girl. She wouldn’t like a necklace.”

Steve sighs. “You’re right. That’s um, actually why I’m here.”

“Oh?” You’re intrigued now.

“Nance has been going on and on about this news article that came out recently. Something about politics, or maybe the weather?” You stare at Steve, urging him to get to the point. “Sorry, doesn’t matter. Okay, basically I know she likes journalism. And you work at a bookstore, so…”

“You want to get her some books on journalism?” You ask, your heart clenching. Here’s this guy, Steve fucking Harrington, who is gorgeous and kind and shyly asking you for book advice for a girl he so dearly loves.

Somehow you envy Nancy Wheeler even more than you already do. She really does have it all, and you can’t even begrudge her for it. She’s genuinely a nice person, it’d be easier to hate her if she was horrible, but she isn’t.

Typical.

“Is that dumb? Actually, you know what, now that I’m saying it out loud it sounds stupid–”

You grab Steve’s hand, interrupting him. “Hey, no. It’s actually a really sweet idea. I think… I think she’ll really love it.”

Steve looks relieved and you can’t help but pity him. He’s trying so hard to be better for Nancy, to be all she wants him to be, and yet just yesterday you had to break up a weird staring contest between Nancy and Jonathan when you’d been at her place picking up Will and Dustin.

Your heart aches for this boy, so in love with a girl you’re afraid may love your best friend.

You guide Steve over to the journalistic section of Bookstrordinary and tell him some of your personal favorites. It’s not your favorite genre, but you’re familiar enough with it to give Steve a good starting point, which he’s immensely grateful for.

“You’re a lifesaver, Y/N.”

“What can I say? It’s a talent of mine.”

Steve starts to search through the books and you leave him alone to get back to work. It’s a slow day today, the mid July heat seemingly keeping everyone at home, so you spend most of your time watching Steve. He meticulously goes through each and every book, spending almost three hours reading their synopses over and over again to ensure that he finds Nancy the best book.

Occasionally he mumbles to himself, shaking his head when a book doesn’t fit quite right with what he has in mind, or exclaiming with glee when he finds the perfect one. Slowly he accumulates his own little pile of books before he brings them over to you.

He places the stack on your counter with a proud smile on his face. “I’ll take these, please.”

You whistle at the pile. “Think it’ll be enough?”

“Do you think I need more?” Steve asks, fear in his voice.

“I’m kidding, Steve. This is more than enough; it’s perfect.”

You start ringing the books up and Steve leans against the counter, back into his usual stance at your job. The price racks up quickly, but you’re sure it’s no problem for someone like Steve. In total he’s selected six books for Nancy, and with each book you scan you feel more tugging at your heart.

He deserves better, but he wouldn’t listen to you if you told him.

“Thanks again, by the way.” Steve breaks the silence.

“For what?”

“For helping me. You’ve always been so patient with me, well–I don’t know. It’s nice.” Steve rubs the back of his neck, sheepish.

You find yourself blushing as well, his words making you uneasy as always. “It’s nothing, Steve. We’re friends, what else am I supposed to do?”

“Well, I’ve never really had any friends before. I’m still new to this.” He confesses, looking away.

Again your heart aches for the boy. Here King Steve is, admitting to you that he’s never really had any friends before. You can’t imagine what that must be like, being so loved by a crowd of admirers yet isolated because of it.

You think about Tommy Hagan, Carol Perkins, and the various people who seemed to flow in and out of Steve’s inner circle of friends. The numerous girls he never stayed with for long, the boys who only used him for his popularity, you never considered how exhausting that all must’ve been. Surrounded by all, yet loved by none.

Hell, even with Nancy, Steve has confessed to you that he feels like he’s too much for her sometimes.

“You’re a great friend, Steve.” You reassure him, trying to keep your voice level. You know that any hint of pity will only make him feel lesser than, but you really wish you could make him believe you. Steve Harrington has somehow become your favorite person to be around. “I promise, you’re a natural when it comes to friendship.”

Steve smiles. “You think so?”

“I know so. In fact,” you finish ringing Steve up and deduct your employee discount from his total, dropping the price significantly. “I just gave you my employee discount because that’s what friends do and I know you’ll do the same for me one day. That is, if you ever get a job.”

He puts his hands in the air. “Hey, the way I see it: why get a job when I don’t need one?”

“Such wise words from a rich kid.”

“What if the rich kid offered to buy you dinner to repay you?” Steve’s tone is teasing, but there’s openness in his eyes that makes you freeze. He wants you to say yes, he’s almost pleading with you to accept his offer with those big brown eyes that make you want to scream.

You want to say yes, to accept his offer and go out to dinner with him and laugh and tease each other’s food choices and feel like the only two people to exist in Hawkins, but you can’t.

Steve is looking at you with a softness in his eyes that catches in the July afternoon light, and you see the shift. It’s subtle, but it’s there. He’s looking at you as if he’d do whatever you asked, without any hesitation, because he cares about you in a way that no one quite has before.

Sure, you’ve noticed it before through his actions, but seeing the deep fondness behind his eyes is something entirely different. You feel this flutter within your chest and you feel heat rise to your cheeks. He’s looking at you as if you’re holding the goddamn sun, and you can’t do it.

You can’t tell Steve yes.

He’s Nancy’s. So is Jonathan.

You can’t develop feelings for yet another guy that Nancy Wheeler has claimed for herself.

You don’t love Steve, but you know how easily you could fall for him. With him, everything is easier. Your laughs feel freer, your heart a little lighter. With Steve, it feels like you’re coming home after being away for so long. First uncertain of what you’ve left behind, but then so full of love once you’re embraced with open arms as if no time has passed.

It would be so easy falling in love with Steve.

That’s why you tell him no.

“I can’t.” You finally say. It takes everything within you to get the words out, as if your body is physically unable to break Steve Harrington’s heart. But you have to.

Steve’s smile drops. “Oh, alright.”

You wrap up the last of the books for Nancy, take the cash from Steve, and then inform him that you have a lot of work to do before closing. “You should leave.”

“Already?” He looks so hurt and you want to just kiss his cheek, whisper how lovely he is.

But he’s too lovely. Too selfless towards you. Too kind and charismatic and easygoing.

He’s too much for you, but not in the way that plagues him with fear of rejection.

He’s too much for you because of how easily you could embrace him entirely, how willing you are to make room for him even if you already know there’s plenty of space for him regardless.

“Yeah,” you busy yourself with a meaningless pile of books. “Just go home, give Nancy those books.”

The words burn your tongue almost as much as your tears burn your eyes.

But you remind yourself of Jonathan, of how much it hurts to hear him say Nancy’s name like a prayer. How Steve describes her as if she’s the moon and he’s a lowly astronomer tasked with studying her.

You can’t keep putting yourself through this hurt.

It isn’t fair to yourself, and for once you need to be selfish.

Steve leaves, mumbling a soft goodbye, and you vow then and there to push him away. You’ve gotten too used to his company; you came too close to falling in love with yet another person who couldn’t possibly ever love you back.

So you limit your interactions with Steve.

You’re dismissive when he comes to your job the next day, then the next, and the next. He seems hurt at first, asking you if he’s done anything wrong, why you’re icing him out, but eventually after a few weeks he seems to let it go.

You’re thankful for that. For his ability to read you and understand that there’s something more, you just can’t tell him.

July turns to August and Steve stops coming by Bookstrordinary.

You go back to only spending time with the boys or Jonathan, rarely ever Nancy. You don’t see much of Steve, and sometimes it feels like last November never happened. Like he never came into your life and flipped it completely upside down. The only reminder that it had been real is the poster that hangs on your wall, taunting you for your cowardice.

Jonathan notices your change in demeanor, missing Steve more than you thought you would, but you make up some lie and change the topic. You know it’s for the better. It has to be for the better. And yet it feels like you’ve just lost something incredible. Something that could’ve been everything, an almost that you’ll never quite understand.

But you refuse to fall in love with Steve Harrington.

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