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horrorlad · 4 years ago

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Horrorlad Reviews: The Dentist (1996)

Or at least, like, talks about it a bunch.

Boy was I overthinking my first real Horror Lad post! It was going to be Grave Encounters, but that will have to wait, because I got insomnia and decided to rewatch a movie I hadn’t seen seen since I was 14, which wound up being the perfect opportunity to write out a post!

Let’s talk about The Dentist!

So, The Dentist is a 1996 movie starring Corbin Bernsen. It was directed by Brian Yuzna (one of the producers of Re-Animator, he also directed the 1989 body horror film Society which I haven’t seen, though a cursory image search tells me I need to add to my watch list immediately).

Anyway, The Dentist is about a teethsman who catches his wife giving some other guy a BJ and gets so grossed out about it that he has a nervous breakdown about, uh, how dirty mouths are, I guess? He loses his absolute shit (though he didn’t seem to have it all that together to begin with; this guy’s Jack Torrance is way more Kubrick than King), and we the audience get to tag along for all the wacky fun.

Full disclosure: I can’t give an unbiased review of this movie. I watched it several times in high school, then completely forgot about it for ten years, until tonight. There’s too much nostalgia wrapped up in it.

That said, upon rewatching it, I am in LOVE with the structure of it as a film. You know how, some movies, you can tell that the people behind the scenes are having a blast? This is one of those movies. The structure of the shots vary wildly, and I suspect that there was not one tripod or stabilizer on that set. The makeup and effects are fun, every actor has an opportunity to shine at least once, and the pacing is totally bonkers. I will note, however, that for a slasher movie the confirmed death count is pretty low, AND most of the murders are less dentistry-related than you might expect. Still, it’s a good time, and right now it’s available to watch for free (with commercials) on Tubi, which is pretty sweet!

Read on for the content warnings and spoilers. In the meantime, I give The Dentist 3.5 tanks of nitrous oxide (use with caution).

Content warnings and plot synopsis below the cut.

Content Warnings

Also, I don’t really know what to classify this one as, but there is a lot of “ick” factor to this movie — rotting teeth, sludge, etc. If you’re easily squicked out by that sort of stuff, I’d proceed with caution.

Dental torture (and how!) – it’s basically the whole movie, folks.

Sexual assault – multiple instances, including a character having their head forced down while giving oral sex (in a daydream), and another character being assaulted while on nitrous oxide.

Spousal abuse (physical and emotional) – again, there’s a lot of this.

Child abuse – A young child has their gums stabbed by the dentist.

Animal abuse – a dog is shot offscreen.

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Okay, spoiler time!

Whoo boy, here we go!

I have no idea why I watched this movie so much as a teen. Probably because it was free on FearNet (remember FearNet?) and I would watch just about anything.

Watching it as an adult, my first thought is… man this is weirdly paced. My second thought is that there’s a lot more non-dental-related murders than I would have expected, but we’ll come back to that.

So, our hero(?) is a dentist, and we meet him at the beginning of a framing device, miming dentistry and offering to tell us about his story. The bulk of the movie is then a flashback about how he got to where he is, interspersed with his monologuing or whatever. We meet him and his wife (who are a straight couple in a movie and thus required to completely hate one another) on their anniversary, a fact which becomes clear while he’s in the middle of throwing a fit about his laundry.

Pictured: a totally hinged man. Nothing unhinged going on here, no sir.

At any rate, he gets all suspicious after an interaction with the pool guy, and catches his wife having an affair with the guy. He continues framing-device-monologuing about decay and the world being filthy and all that, daydreams about assaulting his wife and murdering the pool boy, etc. He follows the pool guy to the neighbor’s house, acts all weird, shoots a dog — your basic Tuesday.

Eventually, he winds up at the office, starts hallucinating, assaults a couple of patients, and finally calls an early end to the day (self care is important). We get this delightful (in a heavy-handed sort of way) scene that keeps cutting back and forth between him setting out spooky dental tools and his wife getting dressed for the big anniversary surprise he’s has planned, and that’s when things really start to go haywire.

Okay.

So like.

I get that he’s a dentist.

I get that he’s a dentist whose whole shtick is having the themed exam rooms (though why we have aaaalll these rooms for a bunch of hygienists and one dentist is a little beyond me).

But you mean to tell me that this dude’s special anniversary surprise for his wife was to show her his new, opera-themed dental exam room?

“Oh, honey… you really, really shouldn’t have…”

Like, I know he’s settled on a revenge plot by this point, but I still definitely believe that this guy was legitimately planning the entire time to show his wife his fancy new dental suite as an anniversary surprise. Not to be that guy, but no wonder she was having an affair.

Honestly though, I love this scene. I love the camera PoV shots as he shows off the dental suite, I love the excessive gesturing with his left hand. I love how the scene starts off with his point-of-view of her, and then transitions into her point-of-view of him, cut with those big beautiful teeth-yanking shots. It’s ridiculous.

And then, they get home, he has some monologuing about the pool, etc.

Next scene, it’s the next day, some cops come to ask questions about the murdered dog, his wife is out back on a pool chair with her giant sunhat covering her face (the way normal, totally-not-drugged people hang out by the pool) while the pool guy does his pool guy stuff. Eventually the cops leave, yadda yadda yadda, the pool guy scoops the wife’s tongue out of the pool, he sees how fucked up she is, the dentist murders the shit out of him. It’s beautiful.

Don’t you love it when you finish your to-do list first thing in the morning?

The end.

Wait, no, that’s not right.

Somehow, there’s still almost half a movie left.

This movie starts with this dude fighting with his wife, catching his wife cheating with the pool guy, hallucinating his wife’s nasty mouth on everyone, etc. You’d think that, with his wife tortured all to shit and the pool guy dead, the movie would have wrapped up.

I mentioned before that the pacing of the movie is weird, which it is. I mean, he has his “oop guess I’m evil now” scene on his way to work the next day, which basically means that just over half of this movie is the origin story. It could be longer, with the big climactic nonsense taking up the last quarter or so. It could be shorter, with him freaking out about his wife, losing his shit, and having a proper dental rampage. Instead, The Dentist flies in the face of conventional story structure.

But this man is a busy man. He’s a dentist, damn it.

He has to get back to work!

Things are happening fast now, let’s get condensed.

We go back to work, he pulls some malpractice shit on that lady whose dog he shot yesterday, then strangles Jessica-the-hygienist (I think that’s her job) when she calls him on it. Later, a man from the IRS comes in and uses the dentist’s shady tax junk to get free dental work which is, uh, inadvisable. IRS man, Marvin Goldblum, starts talking about our dentist’s wife (and about how unhinged shiksas are in bed, in case we somehow we didn’t piece together that he’s an awful Jewish caricature), and I’m sure the rest of his appointment goes totally normally.

Get a guy who looks at you like this.

Meanwhile, the cops are definitely onto him regarding the murder of that dog (after all, murdering dogs is THEIR turf). They go to his house, where he left the body of the pool guy he murdered just laying around outside for anyone to find (which they do). Then they go upstairs and find his wife, who is alive but so fucked up.

Back at the office, Karen-the-other-hygienist, looking for her coworker who got murdered earlier, stumbles upon the very fucked up IRS dude. We get to listen to the dentist give a little monologue about how grossed out he is that his wife put some dude’s “dirty, rotten… in her mouth!” before he injects air into a vein in Karen-the-other-hygienist’s neck to kill her.

Next up, this girl who has been waiting for two days to get her braces off gets called back. She’s adorable and chipper, so this, of course, can only go well. When’s the last time you had your dentist pull a gun on you?

Our scrappy youngster runs off, and he gives chase (we find that Mr. Goldblum’s jaw elongation procedure is going well by the way), before eventually letting her go after she promises to take very, very good care of her teeth.

After all, he’s got his next job to get to.

Let’s go teach dental students the importance of pulling out everyone’s teeth!

Yeeep, he’s a teacher! And after he shoots one of his students while hallucinating, the cops show up, resulting in the slowest chase scene any movie has ever had (I mean the dude is literally just briskly walking down the hall and he still gets away from them). Anyway, the dentist winds up in an auditorium where a woman is practicing her opera singing. The dentist is entranced by this (we know he loves opera from that scene with his wife earlier) and reaches out to the singer, but he hallucinates his wife’s hecked up face on her and drops to his knees, presumably to have the rest of his nervous breakdown. The cops… uh… well, they just kinda stand around looking disapprovingly at him while he sits on the floor. And that’s… that’s it, I guess?

“Nah, let him rest, he’s had a big day.”

In our final scene, we have some orderlies at his new mental institution drag him down for his regular appointment, where his wife (who I guess is a dentist now) starts drilling at his teeth. This may or may not be a hallucination. It probably doesn’t matter.

Wow. That certainly was a film.

Alright, so, I’ve been typing up my thoughts as I watch, and I think I’ve figured out what I like about this movie, that had me coming back to it over and over as a youngster. There are some movies that just look fun to film, and this is one of them. A number of the shots are really charming, for lack of a better word. There’s the anniversary scene with his wife I mentioned before, but so many others — this movie plays around with point of view, extreme close-ups, some very fun effects used to indicate the hallucinations… there’s even a sideways shot of one of the cops coming down the stairs. I seem to have a real fondness for that sort-of manic, anything-goes approach to filming. Related side note: is there a single steady shot on this whole film? I’m beginning to doubt it.

Corbin Bernsen does a great job. I mean, all the actors do, really, but he is something else. Like, I can’t think offhand of many actors who could successfully take the character “dentist in bad marriage has a nervous breakdown because his wife gives someone else a blow job and it grosses him out; goes on torturemurder spree” without overacting to the point of distraction. “What are you talking about, this dude’s hammier than Easter dinner,” you say. Now, I get the urge here, but I have to disagree; Bernsen plays a fantastic Emasculated White Guy Throwing A Fit.

That picture I posted up there, after the bit about the laundry argument? A dude who makes that face over the idea of wearing the wrong cuff links to work is at most twelve seconds away from completely losing his shit at any given moment. And the dude’s anniversary surprise for his wife was to show off his new, opera-themed dental exam room; none of this behavior seems too off the wall for that character. Granted, I haven’t seen the sequel yet, and the image searches do suggest that our dear dentist is about to use his well-cared-for teeth to chew the hell out of some scenery in The Dentist 2, but in this movie? I’m just saying it’s not an unbelievable portrayal.

Disgruntled white dudes aside, the rest of the cast seems to have a fun time too. Shout out to the receptionist literally sobbing over what a great dentist this guy is (stunning work). If nothing else, stop by for wee baby Mark Ruffalo before he was famous. It’s adorable.

LOOK AT HIM.

ALL THAT SAID, I have to state again how surprised I am by the sheer number of not-dental-related murders! Like, by my count, this guy commits a hefty amount of malpractice, but for a guy on a torturemurder spree, he sure does seem to keep his torture and his murder fairly separate. Let’s tally it:

I’m tired, let’s wrap this up. The Dentist is a fun movie about a dude who loses his shit, does some dental torture, does some murder, does ZERO dental torturemurders, and then just kinda tuckers himself out and sits down. It’s a big silly mess, and I love it.

Tortures: six

The kid at the beginning, the lady he sexually assaults (it counts), his wife (not dead), that lady whose dog he shot, Marvin the IRS guy (alive when last we see him), and the person at the dental school near the end.

Murders: three people, one dog.

The dog (shot), the pool guy (knifed), Jessica-the-hygienist (strangled), Karen-the-other-hygienist (air injected into artery), and that’s… it..? He does shoot that person at the dental school, but it doesn’t appear to be a fatal wound, and Marvin the IRS guy was alive when we saw him last.

Torturemurders: HECKIN’ ZERO.

Zero! None of the tortures are murdered, and nobody he murders is tortured! What the heck kind of slasher dentist doesn’t even kill people via dentistry? No wonder everyone looks down on him at the end.

Alright, first post written. I’m going to bed.

#horrorlad original #the dentist #the dentist (1996)#corbin bernsen #brian yuzna #horror #movie #horror movie #horror movies #movies #review #film review #movie review

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kpopisthereasonihavenolife · 5 years ago

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Take 3...Action!

BTS

Jeon Jungkook/Reader

Genre: Drabble, Fake Dating AU, Highschool AU

Words: 2.6k

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"Alexa, play Wonderwall." + "0/10 would not recommend."

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“We have to pretend to date,” was a sentence better left not coming out of Jeon Jungkook’s mouth. Especially when it was directed towards you. The school you had both been attending for years and now standing as Juniors was once again putting on an end of the first-term play. With you being involved in drama, it was only natural that you auditioned for a role and got lead actress. The only problem is, your co-star playing the male protagonist was played by none other than Jeon Jungkook.

It was a winter love story, something the swooning adolescent high school populous and their elder family members could smile and talk about when the story ends. Something just in time for Christmas before exams and then welcoming the break before the second-term in the next year.

You’ve played love leads before, but never with Jungkook. He was one of the drama members who you admired for his talent sure- with both acting and his knack for working the stage equipment- but you saw him as a rival as well. Neck and neck with you in terms of stage performances.

Now, here he stood, corning you and telling you something utterly ridiculous. Fake dating?

“Excuse me?” You side eyed him.

“You and I are both leads in a romance, right? We should date to really get into character.”

“I can play romances just fine without the outside facade, thank you very much.”

“But, you’ve never acted with me before. If you don’t prepare for it then you might accidentally fall in love with me. That would be a tragedy.” You had half a mind to stomp on his foot with your overly dramatic platformers and leave him with a busted toe or two. You refrained yourself though, you had more self-control than that.

“I don’t believe in stage performances influencing genuine affection. It’s acting, not reality.” When acting, you’re given a new name, a new face, a new persona in all. People who mix and match fiction emotions to real life were fools in your eyes. Or maybe it was your lack of relationships in your high school career that held your belief to sturdy.

“So, then it would be a problem if we fake date.” You opened your mouth to fight him again as he just covered your lips with his palm, effectively stopping you before you started. “It’s not a problem if it’s fake. It’s fake just like the play. It’s just constant rehearsing. Mutual fake pinning, the play is a success and then voila, we can have a clean ‘break up’.”

There was a slight pause as your narrow, unbelieving eyes looking into his own pleading on. He looking off above your head as he started adding on to himself with a low, slurred voice. “I also may have accidentally lied to Ms. Heu about us dating when I found out our roles.”

You throw his hand off your face and got closer to him as you grabbed his collar. Shaking him around the best your small arms could move his solid, strength and conditing body anyways.

“Why would you lie about something like that?! How- why the hell would you even mention it! How does something like a casting call turn into a fake relationship you tell to teachers faces, Jeon!” You panicked as Jungkook slapped his hand over your mouth again, shushing you as he looked back and forth.

It wasn’t long ago that the drama club was released from their activities, someone could still be lurking around. If the plan got out before it was even started, his ego would surely be bruised. As he leaned closer to you, hunching over, your hands still holding his collar as he whispered to you to keep it down, a small gasp was heard behind Jungkook’s back.

“You really have to do that shit here?” Taehyung, a fellow actor and stagehand stood with his tack sweater vest and khaki pants with his worn out slides. But with a face like that and a set of glasses to top off his ‘studious’ look, he made the sweater vest thing work somehow.

Jungkook and Taehyung happened to be fellow friends, Taehyung being a year above the two of you as a proud standing Senior. And it just so happens that the position the two of you were in made it seem that you were both locked away in a hidden corner of the empty halls getting very familiar with each other.

Jungkook quickly whipped around placed a smug look on his face. Running a thumb under his lip like he was wiping away some exotic act. He was able to switch his acting side on and off way too easily. He kept his back towards you, shuffling back a smidge to make sure to keep some believable distance of intimacy between you both. You even instinctively brought your hands up to his sides to brace him.

“You really can’t blame me Taehyung. You wouldn't understand, you’re single.” He punched at him as Taehyung was more than capable of getting a girlfriend, but rather he was more interested in his studies and his scholarship for arts after graduation.

“I’m single but choice, shut your hole.”

“Single by choice my foot,” Jungkook retorts. “You’re single because although you may charm the ladies, no one wants to openly date a walking sweater vest.”

“That is completely false and you know it!” Taehyung motioned to you hiding- rather being hidden- behind Jungkook’s back. “Y/n would probably go on a date with me given the chance.”

“Don’t come for my girl. I’ll knock you right the fuck out sweater boy,” Jungkook promised with an almost too innocently formed smile. Sending chills straight down Taehyung’s spine. You grabbed Jungkook’s ear, tugging him down as you chewed him out. Talking in a whisper so Taehyung couldn’t hear. Jungkook arguing back to you just as quietly- which shocked the senior because he didn’t know Jungkook was capable of anything lower than a yell.

“So,” Taehyung started, “you’re both dating now?” Jungkook looked at you, dare you to say you saw a pleading look in his eyes. With a withheld sigh, you looked at Taehyung.

“Yeah,” you confirmed. “We are.” You missed the chance to see a face-splitting smile on your ‘boyfriend’ because now Taehyung was busy being a nosy upperclassman and demanding the blossoming love story of two youths.

What a headache.

It was week three of your ‘relationship’ with Jungkook. Oddly enough, it wasn’t as suffocating as you originally expected it to be. Jungkook was a complete sweetheart. Divulged in his role as your boyfriend with kisses on your cheek, random attacks from behind that lead to him resting his chin on your shoulder to even tutoring you in weak subjects he excelled at.

He’s taken you out on a number of times to fast food, legitimate restaurants, and an arcade once or twice. He actually let you win some games against him too quoting that someone so cute shouldn’t lose every game they play, even against a king of games.

You felt guilty for assuming he was a bad guy of mischieve when he was really a very kind person. You made sure to tell him that and all he did was laugh it off, forgiving you with a faint redness to his neck and ears that went completely over your head.

Now, you both were acting completely 100% smitten without ill will towards each other. You both had grown close and sometimes you forgot it was all an act. Something that would end after the coming weekend. After the play, the curtains would close on more than one thing.

“Cut!” Yelled Mrs. Heu. “Let’s move to act 3, scene 2. Jeon, Y/l/n, get ready!” Nonstop rehearsals lead to this. The final dress rehearsal before the first show tomorrow.

Jungkook and you played your roles well, almost too well as even Mrs. Heu found herself swooning in delight. Your interactions were simply fluent and you both seemed to just get it. Get each other.

“You going to Jungkook’s again?” Taehyung asked you as you had left to change into your own clothes and came back to leave. You often went to Jungkook’s for line studying.

You nodded. “Yeah. He said we should celebrate after so much rehearsing with a stupid rom-com marathon. Though, I’m sure I’ll be stuck watching Marvel movies again,” you chuckled.

“No doubt. Can you quote Iron-man word for word yet?” Taehyung teased.

“Almost.”

“Y’all bad mouthing me?” Jungkook hopped into the conversation. Slipping a snake-like arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him. You easily found your role and leaned into him.

“We’d never,” you chided. Jungkook pinched your side.

“That’s a lie sweetheart, and you know it,” he scrunched his nose down at you. Taehyung fake gagged at the overly sugary display. “You ready? Shitty romance comedies are calling our name!” You rolled your eyes at him as Taehyung sent you a fake kiss that Jungkook ‘slapped’ away before peppering your face in his own kisses.

Shockingly enough, Jungkook didn’t subject you into Marvel that night. YOu both stuck to the true word of rom-com, commenting and making fun of some cheesy lines or over the top cliches. All while Jungkook’s mom occasionally checked up on you two before she found you both passed out on your 3rd movie. For some reason, the fact his mom liked you so much, made you happy.

Then, the play came. The first night went without a hitch. Scene flowed easily and you and Jungkook never once floundered. Your entire cast put on a great first day. Even Mr. Sweater-vest decked in his old school suit nailed his role (though it wasn’t shocking given his talent as an actor).

Though, as it is a romance set for the most romantic celebration that is Christmas, of course, there's a final scene kiss. Shared between both protagonists. Jungkook and you and rehearsed it anytime Mrs. Heu asked. It was pure professionalism, but when you were on stage, that first true performance kiss was actually butterfly-inducing. You had no idea why.

When night two came, so did the second kiss. Those same butterflies came back and nearly made you stutter. Now, you had an idea why. When curtains closed on night two and the play was officially over, Jungkook took you home as per usual. Though, now the play was really over. Now, you’d have to ‘break up’ with him.

You were disappointed. You let yours actually believe this relationship was real for a time. Forgetting completely that it was fundamental. Now, you actually fel for him.

You accidentally fell for Jungkook. Your co-star. And you were crushed that the relationship you both had would be gone soon. Whatever kind of relationship it really was.

“Stupid,” you called yourself in the darkness of your bedroom.

The next week went without Jungkook as everyone was slammed with finals and tests back to back. Even if you wanted to face him, you could never find the time anyway. THough, maybe that ‘break’ was what you needed to clear your head. To try and convince yourself you most certainly were not crushing on Jeon Jungkook.

Sitting at your desk, cheek cupped in your palm as you dazed off between passing times before the next class and next test before the longest 90 minutes of your life passed by again. Your phone in your lap dings with a notification as you instinctively check it.

Jungkook: Listen, I’m not a test taker by any stretch, but fucking math finals are fucking awful. 0/10 would not recommend.

You scoffed lightly at his message before locking your screen again. 3 minutes later, another ding.

Jungkook: Left on read? By my girlfriend? Harsh

You: Aren’t we supposed to break up?

Jungkook: Ouch. My heart hurts. So much so I have to ask: Alexa play Wonderwall.

Jungkook: Srsly though. I want to talk about that. Can we talk after school? I’ll buy you burgers?

You: Make it fries and you’ve got a deal.

Jungkook: Hell yeah!

Bell ringing, phone shoved in your bag and now nerves creeping up your neck. You were gonna have to accept your stupid crush after all and break up. How lame is that?

Jungkook was tapping his foot relentlessly as Taehyung watched him. Being a TA for the semester (all for some stupid student tutoring program for his scholarship), and being Jungkook’s friend, Jungkook spilled his guts to Tae about the whole fake relationship with you. As well as the planned break up. He called it stupid; plain and simple. And it was.

Now, he watched as his friend slammed his face into his desk. He chuckled. Jungkook was pathetic at feelings. Or rather, these types of feelings.

When the final bell rang for the day, Jungkook grabbed his stuff and was zipping out of the classroom. Going to yours was second nature now. Peeking through the doorway, he saw you packing up your things and standing from your desk. Noticing him, you waved at you and the two of you were off for some not so healthy food.

“So, about our break up,” Jungkook started as you bit a fry in half. He sat across from you at the table and he looked almost worried about something.

“Are you worried that some backlash might hit you when it happens?” Jungkook looked at you with wide eyes and scrunched brows. Pure disbelief if you ever saw it.

“Wha- backlash? No! I just,” he sighed to himself.

“Seriously, if you're worried about something. Tell me. Maybe I can help or we can figure something out or-”

“I want you to be my real girlfriend now.” Jungkook has always hated silence. Now more than ever. “It's just, this fake thing was so real to me. I know I kinda forced you into it to begin with, but it’s just so comfortable around you. I’m comfortable with you. You’ll sit and watched the same movies over and over again. My mom likes you. You’re a great actress and have a lot of potentials. You're just- amazing. And now I want that amazing girl to be mine. For real this time.”

The silence grew between the two of you as the bustling joint behind your back murmured in the building. You spun a fry between your fingers, the salt sticking to the pads of your fingers. You seemed to nod to yourself, looking up at Jungkook.

“Break up with me, Jungkook.”

“What?”

“If you break up with your fake girlfriend, then you can get a real girlfriend.”

Jungkook smiled and leaned across the table slightly. “Really?!” You laughed at his large doe eyes that sparkled with so much happiness and excitement. You nodded. “Alright, this fake relationship is officially terminated!” He bounced his legs like an excited child. “Hey, let's do a third and final take of that kiss from the play.”

“Why?”

“Please!” You rolled your eyes, a sign of acceptance. He hopped out of his chair and bounced to stand over you. “Annnd, action,” he whispered when he leaned down to kiss you. You tasted like salt and he tasted like the chocolate milkshake he ordered and nursed on before he brought the topic up.

He pulled away, giggling like a boy in love. “Hello, girlfriend.” You playfully shoved him as he took a new seat at your side. Slinging his arm around the back of your chair as he then began to bug you. Trying his damnedest to get his new. official girlfriend to drip her fries into his milkshake.

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aristccrvcy · 5 years ago

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( gavin leatherwood, trans male, he/him, fire emblem: three houses ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, ferdinand von aegir, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like aeric-ferdinand “ferdie” vittori, a twenty-four year-old actor at castle town centre of theatre & dance, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as sincere as you are opinionated, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through. ( hylia )

i could never drop him i just. i could Not. i rly couldn’t but i DID ..... want to revamp him a bit so here’s take two on ferdie !! politics, war, death, & divorce tw under the cut !!

BEFORE THE SNAP. / F E R D I N A N D V O N A E G I R

So alright. Chances are , if you’ve heard of Ferdinand , it’s because you’ve heard the infamous ‘ I am Ferdinand von Aegir ! ’ quote goin’ around which . . . attributes from. Him introducing himself every time you select him on the battlefield in FE3H. Don’t believe me ?? WATCH.

...u don’t need to watch that whole thing I’m just tryna get the meme out of the way before I talk abt everything else.

BC ALL JOKES ASIDE I HONESTLY LOVE FERDINAND SOOO MUCH n I promise I’ll take him seriously bc holy fucking shit this character is my babyyyy.

So for STARTERS. Ferdinand is the legitimate son of House Aegir in the Adrestian Empire , which is the house that produces the Empire’s Prime Ministers. Now , here’s the thing ; Ferdinand himself isn’t involved in any of this , but thanks to the Adrestian nobles pretty much stripping the Emperor of their power in the past . . . the Aegir house ( much like the other houses , but Duke Aegir’s implied to have like , spearheaded it ) is pretty damn corrupt.

NOT FERDINAND , THOUGH , considering Ferdinand is actually someone who has very opposing views to his father. Ferdinand , in a nutshell , is basically the snobby noble trope you’re expecting turned upside down crossed over with a Disney prince. That’s the best way i can describe him.

Ferdinand is very aware of his noble status , but he is very steadfast in his opinion of what is truly means to be a noble. He’s well-aware of the difference between nobles & commoners , but where you’d expect him to use that to degrade people of lesser status , he . . . doesn’t.

Ferdinand strongly believes the duties of a noble constitute of protecting & helping the common people , and that is why they’re so high in status - they’re there to assist and make things better , and not to make things worse , and it absolutely sickens him to his core when there are corrupt nobles who very clearly use their power for selfish & malicious gain.

Like , he’s confident - he’s very confident and sure of himself , but he isn’t a dick ( in that sense ; he can be kind of a dick , don’t get me wrong ) about it. He’s actually extremely polite & respectful , very kind & genuine - like I really don’t think lying is something that this boy is capable of doing , I really don’t. But he’s humble in the sense that he isn’t afraid to admit when he did something wrong , or that he needs to apologize - IN FACT , a lot of his supports have him apologize for approaching someone wrongly or when he’s accused of something.

One example , he has a support with Dorothea where she tells him that she hates him , and instead of fighting her on it , what he does is he tries to figure out why she hates him so he can better himself and fix something he did wrong.

Another example , his B-support with Bernadetta has him apologize for spooking her , and he respects her comfort levels by speaking to her on the other side of the door to her room because now he understands that Bernadetta feels extremely scared & uncomfortable during confrontation.

LIKE . . . okay , in the simplest of words , Ferdinand is just good. He’s a good person and he tries his hardest to be better if someone brings it to his attention that he’s doing something wrong.

BUT ALSO . . . the thing is , Ferdinand is also extremely opinionated to the point where he’ll share his thoughts even if not asked ; and sometimes , it comes out. Dickish. Like , really , he’ll criticize anyone if he believes he should because he hates the idea of someone who doesn’t - exemplified in the beginning of his supports with Hubert , where he condemns Hubert for not openly criticizing Edelgard but Ferdinand’s criticism can come out . . . harsh. Like , he’s respectful still , but he’s harsh. And that is because Ferdinand firmly believes in speaking his mind.

His determination also makes him stubborn & extremely competitive to a point where it becomes damn near annoying and this is , because again , he always strives to better himself - even going as far as to declare Edelgard his rival when she . . . really doesn’t think of him as one , and then he gets his ass kicked and runs with his tail between his legs because he lost. He’s. He’s competitive. I will not lie to you. Like he’s great but aLSO... this guy doesn’t. Know. When to let go.

Bt yeah in a nutshell - Ferdinand is a rich guy who criticizes other rich guys for being jerks and not caring abt other people , and he can come off as a dick but ultimately he means well & he is a LOT better than some of these other assholes out there. Ferdinand’s.... he’s just GOOD.

Bt now that I have the basis of his character out of the way , I want to mention that a major change about him is that I’m changing what route I’m pulling him from - originally , I pulled him from Azure Moon , where if you don’t recruit him you have to kill him at the Great Bridge of Myrddin. So instead , now , I’ll be pulling him from Crimson Flower , where he’s still sided with Edelgard but now she has Byleth & she’s triumphant and everything’s okay on the Empire’s end. But - in other routes - while he’s still with Edelgard , he unfortunately doesn’t make it so if u have AM or VW muses . . . Ferdie didn’t make it.

BUT THAT’S WHAT MAKES THESE THINGS INTERESTINGGGGG and I love it so for that reason ,,, shoves. Ferdinand. In everyone’s direction.

AFTER THE SNAP. / A E R I C - F E R D I N A N D “ F E R D I E ” V I T T O R I

So the more major changes from his pre-revamp portrayal lie in his CT life - his name’s changed , his occupation’s changed , and almost his entire whole past has changed.

Aeric-Ferdinand Vittori was the only child of a film actor & stage actress , pretty famous people , and he was born with the spotlight on him immediately given that he scored his first role as a child at six years old. Since then , he never really had much of an easy time.

His big break was as a teenager in a teen drama that lasted from when he was fourteen to when he was nineteen , the co-star of a vampire television drama in where his character was a fan-favorite. He ultimately left the show and his character was killed off , and he had some starring roles in other movies & the like before he ultimately moved to Broadway. And in that , he had a bit of an easier time , but he would still often feel like he was about to crack under pressure since all eyes were still on him. He was known as a talented young man with a beautiful singing voice , and unfortunately , everyone wants something to do with you when you have something like that.

His parents were also always in the spotlight because of their very public divorce , and it started to bleed into Ferdinand’s career & public image as well with many people poking their nose into his life and asking his opinion on it. Multiple scandals came out claiming that he leaned one way or the other during it and ultimately , that ruined his relationship with his parents. So at twenty-three , he left the Broadway spotlight , and decided to step out of any light in general for a while.

Settling down in Castle Town , a place where nobody bothered to look , was a good start.

He still loved performing , so he worked as an actor at the local theatre on stage - trying his hardest not to get the big roles and take those up , because he was still a relatively big name & when you’re a big name , people lean into their biases.

And then . . . at this point was where he “woke up”. Because his whole past was fake - but there’s always a point where you realize it is.

He had a girlfriend in Castle Town beforehand that he broke up with due to his paranoia that she’d get caught up in the publicity that he did - Nerissa. And he had parents that he didn’t even talk to anymore , and it threw him for a loop because he was reminded of his father back in Adrestia. And suddenly , he’s no longer a soldier or a noble , but with his celebrity status , he’s basically the closest there is to modern nobility at this point.

So . . . Ferdinand feels. Strange. He always loved the opera & he always loved performances but he never thought of himself as someone who would actually do so. It’s strange , but he likes it.

So now , he’s trying to figure out exactly what the hell happened and how he got here and he’s grown pretty used to people not remembering who he is , but it still . . . hurts.

And THAT is where I end this !! I’m gonna go back 2 my plotting DMs and message more ppl but if this gives u some ideas pls do hit me up bc I love Ferdie SOOOO MUCH and I’m excited for his revamp !!

Also if ur curious ab his old intro still I’ll link it here bc there’s probably some pre-snap stuff I forgot in here that’s in there so !! yes. i’ll b around n will probs try n get an open up soon !!

#castletown.intro #* . abt — ☆ ❛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ғᴇʀᴅɪɴᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏɴ ᴀᴇɢɪʀ ! ❜#war tw #politics tw #death tw #divorce tw

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years ago

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14x09 watching notes

jingle bells, bobo smells, It is no fun, for us to wait All christmas in hiatus

Berens... please...... I beg you........... don't kill the sweet precious moonchild that is Garth. Please. The joke is "how are you still alive!?" and it would be a disrespect to Bobby's memory, and he represents a stable post-hunting endgame that was a beacon in season 9. In this essay I will

They used Dean's dead-voice "we're the guys that scare them" speech about hunting monsters in 13x05 to open. I wonder if Yockey wrote that thinking it might be the logical open to 13x23 and instead they used "this is boring, got any music?" also from one of his episodes.

[i guess! meme]

The recap left us hanging about if Jack was alive or not for the Kaia recap which turns out to be rude even though I know that he's fine ("fine") now because I am so emotionally affected by this dumb lump of nougat that not seeing an instant "he's okay haha tricked you!" legit raised my stress levels a notch.

Maybe because it's 4am and I was demolishing a slab of toast before the December chill in my room got it first, but I don't think there was any particular art or storytelling to the recap worth mentioning or musing on, and this came across almost more like the recap AFTER the break because getting back to plot stuff like seeing Mikey things again... The 13x05 lines make me wary on Dean's emotional behalf but obviously these are for very different reasons so the only real thing that might come up is that Cas is hiding his deal from Dean and Dean sounded so dead in the feels because Cas was dead. Obviously the real stress right now is what's up with Dean re: obvious nerve-wracking things like the djinn bouncing off his head or his swooshy vision, things we've been collecting up to ask more pointed questions about when Michael's in the room.

Americans: "that's downtown Vancouver!/an actual American city!/the ACTUAL American city in the caption!" me: "hurrrr skyline"

How much budget for Christmas music

I hate this episode already

Okay the blood and screaming is improving things.

Listen, werewolves always have so much fun these days. We had the knock knock one in 13x09, the Kardashian ones in 13x23, and now we have wereSanta here, who just spotted the mistletoe. D'aaaw.

These halo-shaped lights in this apartment Michael picked sure are gonna come in handy if the director knows what they're doing.

GARF. Please say you're here undercover.

OH SHIT. Michael KNOWS. Being in Dean's head does that to you. All his peeps get embedded in your brain. Please tell me some 2 way vessel/angel nonsense happens and you can't bring yourself to harm him.

GARTH HAS A LITTLE GIRL NOOOOOOOOOOOO

She adores Mr Fizzles. Garth spends hours with them hanging out together.

I don't believe him though. I mean. He's just telling Michael what he wants to hear, right?

Having a little girl is such a way to die, though. I mean. Can we just... not do that?

Let Garth Go Home For Christmas

Those halos sure aren't landing over Michael's head no matter how many of them there are

Jack: eating gross cereal made of cookies at midnight in the dark

Me: I love and support you and have done the same

Cas: *SQUINT*

Dadstiel is the best

Sam being the "it will rot your teeth" dad is also the best. I love the Dad Heirarchy being established here. Sam is still Dad no.1 and the one who lays down the rules and gets disobeyed about midnight cereal, full on domestic dad-ing. Cas is the dad who hears you munching from across the entire Bunker and sighs and gets out of Dean's bed where they've been watching movies together (I extrapolate from missing data) and comes to investigate but ends up in the Secret Midnight Cookie Cereal Pact instead.

If Garth dies he may bequeath Mr Fizzles to Sam to help parent Jack, who is now keeping secrets about midnight cereal consumption and needs an expert lie-detector to help him parent.

Okay, so, in season 9 after Dean took the Mark of Cain he was up all night eating cornflakes and not sleeping. The corn was symbolic to Cain. Jack goes through all he did and has cookie cereal which is just his sweet tooth. But he had foreign grace implanted in him, and also is tapping a lil bit of his soul to be alive, meaning he's in a weird power situation and we don't know what's up with him at all. TFW are very much like "upright and not coughing blood is good enough for us", especially when with magic involved it's not like they might have an actual science explanation ever come their way.

Jack sitting in the dark is obviously symbolic of hiding things, his cookie cereal is disapproved of and a guilty secret from Sam in the first place, he's consuming something - willingly - that's bad for him and will rot him right after the sweet sweet probably not Gabriel grace he ingested 2 episodes ago, and added all up makes a secret - and he and Cas of course share Cas's deal secret so it's not like Cas can go stomping around complaining to the other dads what he found Jack doing without Jack being like yeah well guess what CAS did.

It's sure a fun way to parallel the beginning of Dean's dark dark arc and Jack's sugary sweet dark arc.

Dean: kid if you are going to sit in the kitchen at weird hours and eat cereal, at least self-flagellate a little *slams the box of cornflakes down in front of him.*

Jack also is wearing a lot of red lately.

Though his new jacket is santa-coloured not like... Mark of Cain doom blood death coloured like demon!Dean's infamous red shirt.

He's currently wearing Cas-coloured shoes and sitting in Dean's spot from 9x13 aka the iconic cornflakes scene in question.

"If you can't sleep, that's understandable, given recent events." "You mean dying and coming back to life."

Cas has been around the humans too long. He talks in euphemisms and gets called out by his too-literal son.

The tables turn.

Oh Jack... so full of worries about Heaven and if his mom is safe, and making Cas confront that nothing is perfect, even Heaven, and have to say it out loud because he can't lie to Jack and sugarcoat this.

Reminds me of 13x06 where he had to tell Jack that yeah sorry not all angels are perfect either. Sweet lil foetus!Jack sure picked the correct angel to be his guardian.

Naomi is "complicated"

Cas. Hon. *hands him a blanket and a bowl of cereal*

OH MY GOD Jack calling him out on why can't Sam and Dean know about the deal.

Having Jack around is so much a breath of fresh air that Cas is starting to regret ever kidnapping him in 12x19.

"They CAN I just don't WANT them to know" CAS. You've been forced to Verbalise A Thing Using The Correct Language. I am giving you an entire gold star. TWO GOLD STARS. I'm drawing a smilie face on them.

Jack is upset that Cas made the deal for him: "they don't need that burden. you don't need that burden" "of course I do. You did that, for ME" - the ole season 2 Dean thing, where it took until 2x08 to know for sure what John did and it basically killed Dean 3 times over and he was a Mess. Not knowing but not having all the answers and being worried/suspicious about what's up with the neat circumstances of being alive again is hooorrible. And this is calling out the whole Winchester cycle of sacrifice (conveniently now with us knowing that John will be dropping by for an episode to really hammer the point home) by addressing how Jack now has to carry the burden of knowing that Cas did that for him.

Cas is like, "Yeah don't worry I haven't been happy in all of Creation." Jack looks earnestly at him. "I'm sorry."

Cas diverts to eating the gross cereal, which he apparently also secretly indulges in, or else, as Mittens pointed out to me, Dean does too and either way Cas is being gross and adorable and hanging out with his kid and this is horrible I hate it oh god it's more sickly sweet than the cereal they're eating.

Garth hiding in the kitchen to panic and phone mom to get him from the party.

"THIS ISN'T YOUR MOM, GARTH, THIS IS AN ARCHANGEL"

And he's just learned to say "balls" appropriately too.

Sam immediately gets The Guilts because he's being leaderly and losing Garth would be his first major blow as a leader oh god oh god no oh Sammy oh GARTH I can't handle this.

Berens sure is invested in the leader!Sam stuff and telling this story long before anyone else was and had his minion Glynn tease us with Maggie earlier in the season D:

I'm calling mom to get me from the party

"It's Ketch" Sam raises his eyebrows like "I forgot he was in this season"

Does that mean Ketch skyped Cas first

that's hilarious all by itself

He has tea because of course he does

Oh my god he's skyping with Jack. Are they buds? HAS HE ADOPTED JACK?

Honestly of all the characters in the entire show he's probably resisted longest so far when it comes to adopting Jack if they ever met even briefly in Apocalypse World.

This is how you can tell he's the worst :P Rowena "I will never love again" MacLeod took all of 20 seconds to adopt Jack.

He's been in England for like a week and his accent is 100x more hammy. "ExPRopriATE"

He's rolling his Rs. I mean. Is that even in our accent? Not in mine.

Jack watching attentively while he tells his story with no judgement forthcoming, just pure interest in what Ketch says... good thing Ketch is too self-centred on his tale of derring-do or he might find Jack's sweet interest flattering and begin wondering if he has it in himself to be fatherly.

I'm suddenly legitimately interested in the unstoppable force of Jack's adoptability vs the immovable object of Ketch's ego.

He posted it. Around Christmas. Look I'm friends with a postie and she's hucking around a bag as big as herself.

Maybe he put a ribbon on it.

From BUDAPEST. Paying extra really is gonna speed THAT up

"Where is our weapon?" "It's been sitting in Guam for a week. I don't understand. Why is it in Guam?"

TFW all react with snark, side-eyes or despair at Ketch, and 2.0 doesn't even get a reaction because I don't think Jack understands how dumbass Ketch is because he's too smol to have fought the mail :P

"We appreciate the effort" "DO WE?"

Cas is staring into the void, meanwhile. Internally, "Well at least I can be sure I'm not going to worry about allowing myself to be happy any time THIS month"

Oh, sweet! The laptop is set up right next to Britain on the map table :')

Hey if they have to brave the post office to get the egg, they can find out Harper is still stalking Jack :D

Cas can't even work out which direction to start rolling his eyes, gives up and walks off. Dean gestures the screen, look what you made him do! You asshole!

"Only thing that can take him down now is the full Ichabod" "?" *gestures decapitation* "oh."

Poor Garth. Werewolves really are the worst. I can see why you were so upset about being turned.

Remember when Sam described him as an "ichabod crane alike" or something, I think in 9x12 when asking at the hospital about him? Maybe? I swear to god that might be a less subtle hint Garth is going to die than Charlie's "merry christmas"

Garth honey nooo

I'm pretty sure we saw Michael mind-controlling the werewolf in the cold open which means we're in for SOME sort of drama next

Oh good Cas is back, I guess he went to scream outside.

"Oh it would have made it if it wasn't closed for the holidays" Sam is being so withering I hope Ketch can feel it from Budapest.

Garth you are going to get in so much trouble and I'm so scared for you and your family at Christmas

At least in this scene Dean n Cas are playing footsie under the table if nothing else.

With Michael holed up in a towerblock for Christmas I am so worried that I should have watched Die Hard before getting here.

D'aw Dean teams himself up with Cas without even hesitating.

Holy shit they used a season 1 clip of the Impala driving past a field of cows.

"Hi we shot this for 1x06 it's practically an easter egg now"

God, it's the promo scene and we're 16 minutes in.

Not over Cas being like "you're happy" because he can't be happy but he's seeing Dean being, you know, cheerful. It's worrying because it's so close to endgame... if they kill Michael, Dean can be happy. And if Dean can be happy...

bye bye Cas

It's so easy with Dean looking away for Cas's silence to be "lol never" instead of "I ought to tell you the string that is attached"

*quietly climbs into the garbage pile as I think about how neither can be happy while the other is as a literal plot mechanism*

Them leaving the door open seems so significant I thought we were going to see Bad!Kaia comically hiding behind it

Awwwwww Jack wants to break into his first building with lock picks!!

I can't believe they're doing this in broad daylight.

I can't believe there was a Gish item to go to a post office after hours dressed as Santa's elves and that's what Jack is doing with that coat

"Who taught you to pick a lock?" "I did. And the internet"

Sam's "that's my boy" face.

"I wanted to stay useful"

that was your cue to tell Jack he's useful regardless

On the other hand he got the door opened and smiled up at Sam so I guess he gets the validation that way instead.

"HAPPY Holidays" Jack is SO PLEASED the box is saying something nice.

BOOM you have witnessed, once again, Sam being knocked out.

Wow, no. His skull is getting thicker, he manages to cling on long enough to watch his boy being abducted.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, SAM.

Awww Michael came to oversee it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Michael!

Sam is way too concussed to deal with this. Or drive.

Michael has a really similar coat to what he had in the AU but for a fancy rich lady instead of a badass hot cowboy which really begs the question of why he dressed SO SO OTT for Dean, even given his fashionista tastes for the other 2 vessels we've seen.

I am sad we don't have the other Michael vessel just because he's off making out with Constantine on Legends of Tomorrow (meta textuality of THAT to be unpacked by fandom at length :P), but she's an absolutely uncanny female double for him with the coat and the ominous camera angles and her general scary vibe.

"You're going to kill me anyway" *MOOSE CHARGE*

I stan one concussed boy

Blorp

No fancy weapons for you guys, use your heads.

Not Sam's head, he's just taken his 3rd hit in a minute.

Garth gets caught snitching though I suspect Michael knew he was listening in and sent Dean to get attacked by Bad!Kaia anyways.

There's chess being played here.

Er, and you're the pawns.

I think Dean is the other player and everyone ELSE is a pawn in Michael's reckoning.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Kaia, they just shouted like 20 minutes of the plot so far at each other, you know as much as we do at this point.

I love Kaia's fighting stance but oh my GOD Dean walking up to the spear and having it put against his heart. He knows it's a power move but it's also a gentle one, and he's waved enough guns in her face and our Kaia's face... This is one of those moves you use both on frightened animals and also to show you are a good unarmed nice guy and it's an attempt to re-negotiate after all he's done to Kaias over time >.>

"if you're not going to give it to me, kill me" Dean says, at the end of his big emotional appeal to Family And Saving People as his divine guiding forces in the universe by which he sets his moral compass and acts as the best version of himself in the defence of.

Cas behind him like "I hope this works because I love this dumbass and if you ACTUALLY kill him I'm contractually obligated to murder you so like, pls don't escalate this"

"How do I know if you're telling the truth" well he's not so jot that down.

Cas like "can you please stop talking, Dean, I am not agreeing with any of your policies here" because not only did he drag Jack into it, he made a promise that Jack's completely unable to uphold since he, you know, doesn't have the power to get Kaia home any more.

Poor Bad!Kaia though. Spent her life running from monsters too. She and our Kaia have the same trama, but she's so hardened by it :(

"If you don't bring this back to me I will find you and kill you"

Yikes, magic weapons are having a bad run in these parts, I think Dean's pretty much a gonner :P

I love that the Wayward Sisters music plays around Kaia but it makes me so so so so sad

"So, what, is he playing us?" he's playing YOU Dean. Your move!

"Don't you go in there alone." "I know, drive fast"

Aka concussed bab is gonna go in there alone if you don't hurry.

I have literally no comprehension about the driving times involved in this episode because I don't know US geography like that, but it's Berens not Dabb but he's mentioned specific locations so he better have looked these all up on google maps because this is one heck of a fact checkable episode with 4 distinct known and named locations and you all driving to and fro.

I love Michael's new apartment. It has a dark Heaven aesthetic vibe which is perf.

Jack's here and he's immediately deposited under the halo lights.

I can not WAIT for a Jack vs Michael scene.

*chin hands*

"Why didn't you kill me?" *eyebrow raise*

Poor nougat is being made to feel useless again :( This is Michael grinding his heel into Jack while he has him on the floor, kneeling in supplication under those halo lights.

Michael is into villain monologuing. A terrible, terrible habit.

"Death from above," Michael says, the first time he's had halos over his head.

His concept of soul ownership intrigues me because he would get all the humans who died in an attack on this city in his original world. In this he's turning them into monsters but with his grace, so they belong to him. That means that somehow or other he's probably overriding not just their nature to be controllable by him, which overrides in turn Eve's control over all monsters. She totes isn't dead BTW she's just in Purgatory. I'm like 100% sure of it :P Anyway I do wonder if Michael's control over the monsters extends so far as accidentally granting them passage to Heaven by claiming them and overriding Eve's control. Who knows. The thought wandered by and really tickled me.

Because it's a long game with the real value in people for beings of this level just being in their value as collectibles after death, and season 5 was all about our Michael getting all the souls by killing all the humans and storing them away in Heaven and that was his Paradise he was fighting for. And if he's converting entire cities to monsterhood in order to gain control over the territory in a quiet no mess way, then his control and command of them is passed on through the bite thanks to whatever he did to them. At the very least he's managed to make himself into their new Alpha.

I mean unless this is a phase one and he's sacrificing getting the souls of these lot in exchange for a lot more souls down the line.

LOL Michael pulls "I'm your only kin" and Jack's like, uh, REAL Michael is in the cage, POSER.

I love how Jack's got the such simplistic child language of "I hate you" which comes out so honestly and fiercely. Jack's 1 layer personality is reaaally deep even if it is mostly 1 layer. A very very thick slab of nougat. Full of goodness. It's EXCELLENT character writing to balance a character like this. He has a good understanding of the world by now, evidenced by very clearly being able to distinguish AU!Michael from his living kin of our Michael in the cage, and yet at the same time his emotional range is still 100% whatever he feels about a thing and so for Michael it's hate. Because when kids get upset they can yell "I hate you I hate you!" in a tantrum, and Jack's personality is that but moderated and adult and reasonable, and that... What a good approach to writing a character. Om nom nom.

This vessel is definitely way more expressive than the previous two Michaels, which is something I've noticed in a looot of the vessel gender swaps, which really makes me go sociological on why gesturing and fiddling and so on is so much a part of presence for a female character on screen, while male characters are allowed to stand still and just kind of radiate presence. I mean, she HAS presence, but she's been moving her hands a lot and it's the main detail which makes her not match up as neatly. Jensen threw his whole personality into not moving Michael's arms, to follow on from Christian's portrayal.

I think Raphael's second vessel was menacingly still. That actress did a great job. That slow head turn after they hurl an angel blade at her in 6x22... Nice.

Lisa Berry strikes a nice balance at huge presence and only necessary gestures, and Julian Richings was always fiddling with junk food as Death despite his cosmic presence.

Meg was all in the voice and eyebrows, both actresses.

Why am I musing on this? Because it's 7am and I'm having a wave of immense sleepiness and I think I need tea to keep on watching but it's cold so I'd rather stay bundled in blankets >.>

... I have now turned on the heating and got tea and done some stretches to try and ward off the cold-blooded lizard stupor I was sliding into. Brrr. We get Christmas break on episodes because it's so hard to watch in the cold.

"Our relation is more a matter of scale, power." Ooohohohooo but you just said you weren't killing Jack because he was powerless.

I mean I'm crowing at Michael for maybe revealing a flaw in his monologue to me but at the same time that's terrifying for what he plans for Jack because that presumably involves powering back up but under HIS control. Nephew theft.

I say smugly having posted Jack being kidnapped by Michael in Andrea's Diner for his power/money last week so that I can just ride this one out with a "in before this plotline" raised eyebrow.

I mean I was using a hybrid season 8/14 set up with Naomi still being Michael's flunky but the important thing is that he was trapped in an office in a towerblock which may or may not now be exactly this one since I have eyes on it and Michael was gonna do whatever it took to get Jack's share of the company until Cas marched in and saved the boy.

Yeah my diner AU has corporate drama, deal with it.

NOW we're getting to the epic speeches. The time that makes mountains. Epic. And Michael is like hey you and me are the only ones left... And as your power returns and grows, we'll only become more alike. Cut to Jack being HORRIFIED by the concept of becoming anything like his AUncle and losing his human compassion and turning into this evil being that cheerfully talks about how not only to level cities but to improve on the concept.

Finally, we hit the epic tragedy level of Jack's story he's been hiding from in other genres from disney to rom coms to cute twee Christmas movies and even a detour into 1800s consumptive child drama to avoid it. But Hamlet's procrastination has to be challenged occasionally, and so they're face to face and Michael is taunting Jack with how he might be cute as a nougaty 2 year old but oh dear the terrible 2s are nothing to the terrible 2 billionties.

I think this room even has Heaven's furniture, as a riff on it. What's one world to another? One Heaven from another, as Michael says. Find a head office, treat it like a place of power and intimidation and it becomes one.

All Jack says is "Sam, Dean and Castiel. They'll come for me." Because he doesn't know much but in his 2 years he HAS learned who fights for him and considers him family, and who he will really set his morality by.

Of course if Cas ever allows himself to be happy, then ALL of Jack's family has an expiration date and no one can follow him through those eons to stop him straying.

Also: now eternity has a sense of horror to it. The reminder that immortality is awful and this is what it does to ancient eldritch beings. And as a result, that finite humanity may be better when it doesn't come at the cost of erosion of self.

To thine own self be true, to quote a terribly mis-used part of Hamlet and yeah yeah I studied it I know Polonius said that and it's meant to be a ridiculed line. But it's still emotionally relevant >.>

Jack's fierce sense of self and family is his only weapon here. Michael can't cast doubt on that. Maybe fear for the future, but in the immediate presence, Jack has a ROCK.

That red coat also makes him very distinctively the only real colour in the room.

Michael is wearing dark blue for the red vs blue coding, but it's dark enough to not stand out in the decor.

TFW are all wearing brown and tan.

I'm actually quite fond of this stupid jock werewolf.

Awkward silences with jingle bells in the background... why are they making werewolves inherently comical in Dabb era, I don't know. But I LOVE it.

RIP the sexy werewolf.

Dumb jock werewolf has already run off, which MAY be a reminder to panic about all the monsters in position, or he might get stopped on the way by TFW in a strategic position...

RIP other sexy werewolf.

Both, sadly, as hot as they were, die with amusing riffs of jingle bells to accompany their decapitations. No dignity in death for these fuckers.

Sam may or may not be doing a Red Meat by taking them on alone but he sure is in a better position with only a mild concussion leftover from the earlier attack rather than, you know, a barely-treated gut shot.

Man I hope Cas healed up the residual damage of that before the end of season 11.

Sam is indeed alone as he promised not to be while 100% intending to rush right in, which means that dumb jock werewolf did indeed run off into the city, which means that with 10 minutes left a whoops we let Kansas City turn into monsters cliffhanger might be a lark.

Merry Christmas everyone but Kansas City.

I mean Sam doesn't need to rush on the Jack rescue, Michael literally has eons of AUncle-nephew bonding planned.

The fact Alex has visible chicken pox scars on his forehead amuses me so much. While Jack fast-track grew in 12x23 he randomly inflicted the pox on himself as part of the childhood experience. Like, oh, I better get all my immunity from mom so when my 3 dads collectively fail to get me vaccinated at least I've got that. *boop* chicken pox scars appear.

S'gonna be Garth on the other side of that door

OH NO IT IS

Oh no Sam, it's a trap, he's gonna eat you. Oh no oh no you can't cut Garth's head off. He's a Beloved Sweetie Pie.

If this ends with watching Mr Fizzles get a hunter funeral I am sending Bobo a mountain of coal for Christmas.

Love that universal trope of the werewolf ducking away for an embarrassing uncontrolled transformation that looks somewhere between puking and period cramps. Moonsickness.

Michael is the moon controlling it in this case.

Cosmic bodies.

Don't touch him, Jack!!

Transformations with glowy eyes suck :<

This is just CRUEL to make Garth be like "I'm sorryyyyy" as he charges at Sam.

LOL THIS IS A CRYPT SCENE. He's in Garth's head!

"You don't have to do this!" "You can fight this, Garth!"

Me, staring at my mess of red string connecting crypt scenes: How did I get to Garth wolfing out while shouting apologies at Sam and Sam begging him to stop when this all started with Dean n Cas fighting over a lump of rock 6 seasons ago

Oh thank god they ended it with Sam vulcan neck pinching Garth to sleep after Jack took a rolling tackle at him and Garth ends up still controlled and shoved in the back of the car for later problems.

We'll file this under the failures section between bros and move on though I won't deny Berens had me in a cold sweat that I was going to have to throw years of work out because Sam would grab Mr Fizzles out of Garth's pocket and soothe him back to himself :P

Mr Fizzles x Garth as the Destiel parallel of the year

"Thanks for waiting for us," Dean says, angrily gesturing the alive and rescued Jack while uselessly holding the spear.

It's okay baby there's 7 minutes left and Cas still doesn't have fake blood all over him.

I think Mikey might come back around to gloat. He strikes me as the supervillain type to do that.

They figure out the last few chess moves that Michael made while sitting on the trunk that Garth is locked in. Rough.

In the background, Cas strides over to the brooding Jack.

Boop.

"I wouldn't bet against us."

In Which Dean Nearly Decapitates His Brother

Rousing family speech about no odds or element of surprise or fear from Michael, and they go dramatically walking off towards the elevator with blaring Christmas music.

I hate this

Everyone has a weapon except Jack, who just has a series of incomprehensible troubled looks every time anything happens.

The Boy Is Concerned. But is it about what's going on around him, or inner turmoil disrupting his nougaty centre?

He looks placid again during the dramatic walk, while everyone else has their hero faces, he's surrounded by his dads so he can just be like :3 and enjoy the adventure.

Michael is bored and pacing because they took too long having broments downstairs and walking slowly towards the elevator and he wants to do this great dramatic turn when they arrive but the elevator is craaaaaaawling up the building.

Fine, what if I'm not by the window but sitting down with my back to them.

Is Michael NERVOUS?

Big talk about being a zillion years old and then getting impatient.

What did Michael just see? Because he lit up his eyes and got a lot more confident...

"There... he... is" he smirks.

Me when Cas

Cas doesn't usually nearly get a killing blow on me, though. Nice move, bud.

HEY, RUDE. DOn'T HURT HIM

I know he just tried to stab you but I'm allowed to yell that. Also stabbing archangels doesn't tend to work on them but whatever :P

Come on Dean, GET HIM. He hurt the bae! And Sam and Jack now! But nowhere near as dramatically!

Ironically if Michael had just had any patience he wouldn't have fallen for being baited into coming to see Cas snooping around his front desk.

OH NOICE THIS IS THE SAME FIGHT WITH MICHAEL AND DARK KAIA BUT DEAN AND MICHAEL

Ow, Dean not doing so well after all.

Is that Sam or Jack inching a hand towards the spear. If Sam stabs Michael then it's a thanks in return for stabbing Lucifer. If Jack does... Badass, kid needs a big kill.

On the other hand, we're so near cliffhanger time territory that.. well.

Nope, Sam just did the slide a weapon back to Dean thing and Dean got in a hit on Michael in their duel.

Same arm he got stabbed on.

"trust me, that's gonna leave a scar"

Jack I hope you are paying attention to Dad no.3's use of one-liners because he is a master.

When he isn't, like, "you're the shortbus, shortbus."

UHOH Michael is standing with aaaaaall the haloes reflected behind him in the window and Dean is having Suspicious Killing Hesitation

aaaand there's the whooshy vision wow what a surprise

I KNEW IT WAS COMING AS SOON AS MICHAEL'S SHOULDERS WENT ALL CONFIDENT AND HE STARTED STARING AND I'M STILL UPSET.

I mean I knew it was coming as soon as Dean stumbled in like ??? I'm not Michael???

But in the short term, argh.

WHAT IS THIS BAR

It has a moose head, Jo's shooting game from the Roadhouse, and the old jukebox from 4x01's diner where Sam and Ruby hung out.

Aside from anything else this is a horrible ploy by Michael to get the spear.

WHEN DID MICHAEL BARTEND.

I am so intrigued.

But yeah, checkmate, Dean Winchester. Snapped your magic spear and melted to magic egg. What next?

Oh good and now he has the halos behind his head :< :< :< :<

Wanek I am so angry. You get coal too.

LOL Michael giving them a lesson on maaaaaaaybe asking important questions about things instead of just leaving them as soon as a character appears to be functioning on the surface, I type with this paused with Jack in the corner of my screen as a fortuitous example

Michael gloating about breaking Dean is the worst Christmas cliffhanger. I hate you Bobo.

You aren't seriously going to end the season on a snap and make us make Michael is Thanos jokes all hiatus? I mean he already fucked up one planet, decimating it in the name of a better world. Please. Don't do this, Bobo.

He did it.

Reminds me of the end of 3x10 as well, with demon!Dean lurking under Dean, waiting until before the credits to snap his fingers from within Dean's subconscious to remind us he was lurking and waiting.

Aw man this sucks.

Now Jack has to murder Dean after all.

#14x09 #season 14 spoilers #berens fanclub #my stuff

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rebeccaheyman · 4 years ago

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reading + listening 9.29.20

It was another week of soaring highs and middling mediocrity, but fortunately no DNFs. Notably, I’ve been dragging my heels on PIRANESI by Susanna Clarke, which has been sitting on my desk in gorgeous hard cover since release day. You ever want to love a book so much that you’re afraid to actually read it? No, no, me neither. Here’s hoping I get brave this week. In the meantime...

It’s Been a Pleasure, Noni Blake (Claire Christian), eBook ARC (US pub date February 2021). I loved this book so much that I’m already looking forward to owning the aBook once it’s available, just so I can relive the magic in a new way. Here’s my five-star NetGalley review:

I have discovered the antidote to the unmitigated disaster that is the year 2020, and it is IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE, NONI BLAKE. I inhaled this book in under 24 hours and feel soul-satisfied in a way I forgot existed. NONI BLAKE is a rom-com that's so much more than a rom-com; it's as much a character study as LESS and as much a travelogue as WILD, with the sweetness of Mhairi MacFarlane, the delicious heat of Sally Thorne, and the humor of every best friend you've ever gotten drunk with. It is, in a word, perfect.

When I say this book has it all, I am not kidding. In it, you will find: - an average-bodied woman finding sexual empowerment and body positivity - a Scottish book boyfriend for whom you do not need to travel through time - healthy adult friendships - A+ Bechdel Test score - adventurous, consensual sex that is at times hilarious and at other times really, really hot - situational comedy that will legitimately make you laugh out loud - adults who talk openly about their feelings in an authentic, mature way - portrayals of grief that range in severity from mourning the loss of an unborn child to coming to terms with years of self-criticism and negativity - rich, descriptive prose that does not drag down pacing - excellent plotting, perfectly balanced with the protagonist's complex internal journey

...the list goes on. This book is joy exemplified. I can't wait to give it to every woman I know. My only complaint is that the world needs this book immediately to inoculate us against the tidal wave of awfulness bombarding the globe, and yet it won't be released until 2021.

Notably, Australian readers have access to NONI BLAKE as of... today (!), so if you happen to be reading this in Australia, please do yourself a favor and buy this book immediately. And if there’s someone you especially like elsewhere in the world, maybe box up a copy and spread the love.

Act Your Age, Eve Brown (Talia Hibbert), eBook ARC (pub date March 2021). I know, I know -- how many contemporary romcoms with the exact same title structure can I read in a single week? Real answer: 2. But based on how fabulous both these titles were, I’m open to more. Here’s my four-star NetGalley review:

I've decided it's entirely impossible to read the Brown Sisters series without feeling amazing. Hibbert's writing is so smart, funny, and full of A+ banter -- not to mention scorching-hot heat -- that it almost feels like we don't deserve her books' nuances, diverse representations, and patriarchy-shaking feminism.

But we do deserve it, actually, and it's all there in ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN.

If at first Eve seems flighty and difficult to connect with, don't discount the intentionality of her characterization. In a tidy narrative trick, Hibbert gives us the very experience that defines many of Eve's friendships: while the youngest Brown sister may have made a great first impression in Chloe and Dani's books, her flightiness feels off-putting once she takes center stage. But sticking with Eve -- instead of pushing her to the margins of our two-person social circle -- has a massive pay-off, as she soon reveals herself to be intensely focused on helping others, spreading joy, and baking delicious cake. It's a side of Eve too many of her "friends" never get to see -- but Reader, we do. And it turns out, Eve is a wonder.

Many of Eve's quirks align with behaviors on the autism spectrum; while Jacob's autistic presentation is perhaps more conventional, Eve's traits are equally validated by Hibbert's sensitive, nuanced treatment of the disorder. Romance + autism usually means antisocial behaviors, rigidity, and/or Asperger's-like presentation (The Kiss Quotient/Bride Test, The Girl He Used to Know, The Rosie Project... the list goes on). But ACT YOUR AGE explores the all important "spectrum" side of "autism spectrum disorder," and urges us to resist believing we understand what these labels mean just because we understand one small aspect of a very large picture.

All of this happens while a truly compelling, heart-melting romance unfolds. Eve and Jacob are incredibly fun to watch, and Hibbert keeps things moving at a lovely clip. I especially appreciated her resistance to the "h/h have to spend totally unnecessary time apart after an argument/misunderstanding" trope in Act III, which is a convention I would happily see go the way of the dinosaur.

Fair warning to your TBR pile: If you don't reread Chloe and Dani's books prior to picking up ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN, you're going to want to afterward. There's simply no other way to maintain the rosy glow of post-Hibbert reading.

Finally, I'm predicting here and now that Mont, Alex and Tess are the next sibling trio to get the Hibbert treatment. (Please? Like...PLEASE please?)

Set My Heart to Five (Simon Stephenson), aBook (narr. Christopher Ragland, Rachael Louise Miller, Lance C. Fuller). If you combined the signature humor/love combo of David Nicholls, the deeply felt nostalgia of Ready Player One, and the bots-with-feelings hypothesis of Spielburg’s AI, you might come close to understanding what makes SET MY HEART TO FIVE so good. In the year 2054, the world has taken some unexpected turns: humans have accidentally locked themselves out of the internet, Elon Musk blew up the moon (also accidentally), and humanoid bots have been integrated into society as second-class pseudo-citizens. We meet Jared -- bot, dentist, cat-owner -- who has begun to experience curious malfunctions. With a friend’s help, and a heaping dose of old movies, Jared realizes he can feel real emotions. He resolves to journey west to Hollywood, where he’ll write a movie that changes the way humans view bots and paves the way for his bot brothers and sisters to enjoy the full range of human experience.

Jared’s explanations of human behavior provide a satirical commentary on our curious, often contradictory behaviors (”Humans. I cannot!”). Since films from the pre-bot age figure so prominently in Jared’s emotional awakening, that same satirical analysis is applied to movie synopses, which are rendered with necessary frequency but occasionally feel like overkill. The book relies heavily on a lovely trick of narrative reciprocity; Jared is on an archetypal hero’s journey, even as he strives to write a formulaic screenplay according to the “golden rules” of the fictitious script expert, R.P. McWilliams. But SET MY HEART TO FIVE never feels hackneyed, and in more than one way proves the rule that great stories are all in the telling.

With the innocence and clarity that can only come from being something of a stranger in a strange land, Jared embraces his existence with infectious enthusiasm and charm. It’s virtually impossible not to cheer for his success, even as we’re warned again and again that a great story will “eff us in the heart” at its conclusion. Audio is brilliantly narrated by Christopher Ragland, who manages to imbue the bot cadence we expect with believable nuance and big style.

Well Played (Jen DeLuca), aBook (narr. Brittany Pressley). I’ve got bad news for fans of WELL MET: If you wondered whether your enjoyment of Deluca’s ren-faire romcom debut of 2019 was due in large part to the book’s setting -- and more specifically, the way h/h’s interactions at the faire advanced the storyline -- the answer is yes. And why is that bad news, you ask? Well, because WELL PLAYED has none of the crackling Emily/Simon tension that carried the first book through its narrative stumbles. In book 2, the glacially slow Act I relies heavily on Stacy’s recitation of what makes her life humdrum, and a long series of email exchanges we *know* are coming from the conspicuously introduced Daniel -- even though Stacy, apparently suffering a traumatic brain injury, convinces herself it’s idiot playboy (and Daniel’s cousin) Dex. Sorry not sorry for the “spoiler,” which is impossible not to see coming from many miles away. Once this pseudo-conflict is resolved, the book boils down to situational fluff: a wedding, a squeaky mattress, the literal number of pumpkin spice lattes Stacy drinks over the course of a month. If it sounds like this is not a plot, that’s because it isn’t. The romance is low-stakes, the “uncrossable divide” that eventually separates h/h is the width and depth of a puddle, and the last third of the book is pretty much solely devoted to setting up a Mitch/April romance in book 3.

Notably, I found references to Stacy’s body-consciousness extremely strange. If we want to normalize average-sized women in romance, maybe we do that by not including, apropos of literally nothing, how “unflattering” woman-on-top sexual positions are?! Stacy is not characterized by self-consciousness, so the moments when her interiority veers toward self-criticism don’t feel necessary. I’m not saying these aren’t authentic thoughts and feelings plenty of women have, but an editor should have pushed DeLuca to answer the question to what end? Why include body hyperawareness in the precise moments when it appears? Like too much of the prose in WELL PLAYED, these inclusions felt like word-count boosting instead of dynamic character development or plot production. Sad as I am to say it, this book was a missed opportunity that shows the danger of rushing book 2 to market.

The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics (Olivia Waite), aBook (narr. Morag Sims). This book has been on my radar since its publication last summer. Gorgeous cover aside, I’m always here for diverse historical romance. Sadly, for me, the external stakes here were simply too low, and relied overmuch on the baffling revelation that men -- especially in this historical moment -- underestimate and undermine women. I never felt discernible chemistry between Lucy and Catherine. This could be due, in part, to Morag Sims’ narration, which pitches Catherine’s voice in a low, husky range that accentuated the women’s age difference. From the outset, we learn that Catherine is the widow of one of Lucy’s father’s colleagues; while Lucy is the more sexually forward woman in this partnership, there’s something a little An Education about the whole arrangement.

On my radar this week:

Piranesi (Susanna Clarke)

A Deadly Education aBook (Naomi Novik)

We Can Only Save Ourselves ARC (Alison Wisdom)

Angel in a Devil’s Arms (Julie Anne Long)

The Project ARC (Courtney Summers)

The Love Square ARC (Laura Jane Williams)

#book review #ebooks #audiobooks #amreading #the lady's guide to celestial mechanics #well played #act your age eve brown #it's been a pleasure noni blake #set my heart to five

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ghostofmoriarty · 7 years ago

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Fictional Favorites Tag Game

I was tagged by @yourgoodfriendraichel so here goes I am going to follow in Raichel’s footsteps and put this under a break, because oooh boy did it get long 1. What is your MBTI? It changes every time I take the test, but INTP /INTJ are my most common results

2. What is your Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw. I’m quite the academic these days.

3. Are you a book person or a TV person? I love books on principle, but I love tv so much and it’s so much more CONVENIENT. (this is @yourgoodfriendraichel‘s answer, but it’s so 100% accurate, I’m keeping it)

4. What is your favorite book series? Harry Potter will always have a special place in my heart, as will Percy Jackson and Cirque du Freak. I love Dirk Gently (Douglas Adams was an amazing writer through and through) and Sherlock Holmes because I am garbage for a good detective story. ASOIAF and the entire Tolkienverse (LotR et al) are some of my favorites. Oh! And The Sparrow, there was a sequel so it counts as a series. I haven’t read the sequel yet, but The Sparrow was legitimately one of the greatest books I have ever read and I am super excited to check out the sequel when I have a few days off of work that isn’t dedicated to mowing the lawn (it's been raining sooo much here)

5. What is your favorite TV series? I love so many tv series. Aquabats! Super Show! will always be in my top 10. I am garbage for TURN: Washington’s Spies even though I think it’s kind of terrible, oooh and Dirk Genty’s Holistic Detective Agency, can’t believe I forgot about that one, I was literally just talking about the books. And no matter how angry I get at Doctor Who, I will always return to watch the new season (this last season was really good, thank god) but I think Classic Doctor Who is a thousand times better than the reboot

6. Which fantasy universe would you most like to live in? I don’t know, because in any universe I won’t be the hero (I’m not even the hero/protagonist in THIS universe, so why would it be any different in a fictional one?) so I would need one that I could live happily and not be incinerated by dragons or forced to fight some nobleman’s war. Yeah, I’ve managed to talk myself out of every fantasy universe I could think of. How about Harry Potter? Yeah, sure Hogwarts has a scarily high student fatality rate for a high school and there’s a massive war every couple of decades that wipes out half the generation, but magic would be fun. I think I would take a short life with magic over a long life without it (assuming that I don’t end up a muggle or a squib, of course)

7. Favorite character ever? Finn from Star Wars, Sansa Stark from ASOIAF (note: ASOIAF and NOT GoT), Prince Charles Edward Stewart from Outlander…. That’s a really weird one, but Outlander was one of the most horrible (and uncomfortable) shows I have sat through but I really loved Bonnie Prince Charlie?? He was just an idealistic ray of sunshine in this bland, bleak wasteland of a tv show. He wouldn’t make the list if my hatred for the show was any lessened, but because I hate the show so much, my love for him is exemplified immensely. Anyway, Theodore “TBag” Bagwell from Prison Break, the entire cast of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, Pietro Maximoff (and 99% of all XMen), Sauron, etc. So many.

8. Character you would like to personally slap in the face: Abe Woodhull from TURN: Washington’s Spies. He’s terrible, through and through.

9. Character you would like to personally murder: CHLOE FROM LIFE IS STRANGE. I WOULD HAVE MURDERED HER SO HARD IF MY GAME DIDN’T GLITCH ON THE LAST LEVEL. *she’s a terrible human whose manipulative and abusive. WLW deserve better options in both general representation and romanceable wlw characters in video games

10. Character you would gladly intern under: Any of the Xmen (can I be a plucky assistant who has a really lame super power but still tries to help, please???) OOOOOH and Larten Crepsley from Cirque du Freak (I LOVE HIM, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW also he is in my top 5 favorite characters of all time, so I can’t believe I left him out in the fave character section)

11. Character you would totally have tea with: I don’t drink tea, but I’d probably go on a late-night coffee run with the entire Star Wars cast or Aquaman. Aquaman probably hates coffee though, so The Riddler? Edward Nygma seems like an “up all night anxiously drinking coffee while finishing up some project (probably a criminal scheme)” kinda guy.

12. Character that you feel really needs a hug: The entire freaking cast of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (note: the tv show, not the books)

13. Character you love that you would probably hate irl: Most of them, to be honest. I am drawn to horrible people in fiction. Simcoe, TURN: Washington’s Spies (note: tv show version, not real-life verson); T-Bag, Prison Break; Cesare Borgia, The Borgias;

14. Character you would realistically be friends with irl: Ken, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

5. First character you had a crush on (if any): Jack Sparrow………

16. Favorite ships: ooooOOOh boy where to begin…. DISCLAIMER: when I say I ship things, I just mean I find the dynamic between the 2+ characters interesting and compelling. I don’t necessarily feel that they should be a canonical end-game romance (or even a romance at all), nor do I stan the relationship as healthy for either of the characters, nor do I feel that these relationships (platonic, romantic, or otherwise) should be heralded as a beacon of #goals to aspire to. I literally mean “hey those two have a cool dynamic, I wanna see more of that” -Master/Missy (I’ve been calling it “MASTERbator but I don’t know what the official ship name) (Doctor Who) -Anna Strong/Hewlett (TURN) -Foggy Nelsen /Matt Murdock (Daredevil) -Abe Woodhull/ Robert Townsend (TURN; note: Rob is too good for Abe but Rob’s reactions to Abe are too perfect to not ship) -Sansan (ASOIAF; I ship this 100% platonically) -Jaime and Brienne (ASOIAF; this is 100% not a platonic ship) -Finn/Poe -Han/Lando (we have NEVER heard the details of that card game, is all I’m sayin’) -Edward Nygma/ Oswald Cobblepot (Gotham/ DC; this is legit the ONLY reason I continue to watch Gotham. Everything else is garbage, but these two’s relationship, man. It’s so compelling, they’re so in love and so unwilling to put their differences and murderous tendencies aside to make their relationship work. I have so many feelings about this ship, okay)

-Joker/Batman (LEGO Batman; it was so beautiful, guys)

I have so many more, I don’t even know

17. Series (TV/book) that you feel ended terribly: Harry Potter’s ending is literally a meme now, so I won’t do overboard explaining that one. BUT, The Hunger Games. Okay, so this fucking series has a female character who is constantly talking and thinking about how she doesn’t want any children, and how she doesn’t feel like she should be a mother, which is pretty progressive right??? Also, 2 and a half fucking books are building up to an end all war/ revolution and It’s gonna be the biggest damn thing ever, right??? WELL how does this book series end??? Katniss, the FUCKING NARRATOR, gets hit in her head and blacks out, so she (AS WELL AS THE READER) misses the majority of the final battle, and THEN this series reveals that Gail (the less useless of the two potential love interests) may have caused the death of Katniss’ sister, so he leaves and Katniss chooses Peeta for no other reason than “well, I’m 17 so I should settle down with SOMEONE and you’re within proximity, so I guess you’ll do” and they get banished to District 12 where Katniss mothers a bunch of children because what else are you gonna do but fuck, and basically the entire ending is one piece of bullshit after the other (ALSO THE MOVIES FRAME THE ENDING AS “KATNISS IS NOW A MOTHER THEREFOR SHE’S REACHED HER POTENTIAL AS A WOMAN, ISN’T THIS A HAPPY ENDING” and fuck this entire series)

18. Series (TV/book) that had so much potential but was actually an epic disaster: Literally everything I watch. Dr Who, TURN: Washington’s Spies, Gotham, Sherlock, Game of Thrones; But hey, that’s what fanfiction is for

19. Worst book/movie/TV show you’ve ever read/seen: Ooooh I’ve read and watched some TERRIBLE things in my day. Outlander. Outlander was pitched to me as having 18th Century Scotland and TIME TRAVEL. Some of my favorite things, aaaand it ended up being one of the worst things I have ever seen. 90% of it is just boring, but the other 10% involves, in my opinion, really poorly handled sexual assault. I won’t go into details here, but it was bad.

Also, Borgias was fascinating, but bad. And TURN: Washington’s Spies. Honestly, I watch a lot of period pieces because I think the clothes are pretty or I am interested in the time period and/or historical events in which its set around, but then 99% of them are all really poorly-written soap opera-y dramas with nice sets and costumes. 20. Favorite book from your childhood: Harry Potter

21. 3 Favorite Tropes: Complex Family Dynamics (I think that’s more of a category of tropes than a trope itself, but I love me some fam drama), Happy endings for gays (that’s not really a trope, but it fills me with love and happiness every time it happens –which is rare), oooh I don’t know. I can’t think of any right now, but I do love a lot of tropes, I promise.

22. 3 Most Hated Tropes: Bury your Gays (killing off gay characters for no reason), Rape as empowerment (ie: when the narration treats a sexual assault as a motivator for women that “makes them stronger”); Man Pain (when a woman is assaulted/ threatened by the antagonist, and the main male-protag uses it as “motivation” to fight the antagonist. The story doesn’t allow the female character who experienced the trauma to be the focus of the story/arc, her traumatizing experience is not about her, it is ONLY there to develop the male character she is close to; the story essentially treats the male as the real victim)

23. Scariest thing you’ve ever watched/read: James and the Giant Peach

24. Anything you’d like to recommend? Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (please send me a message if you want to know what it��s about, it’s SO GOOD. It’s fun, quirky, unlike anything else, and it has a diverse cast including characters who are poc (and woc), characters who have disabilities, women who are badass, none of the women are ever sexualized at all, it has corgis, and mysteries, and scifi, and it’s just a big adventure. (I also recommend the books, and the 2011 tv series Dirk Gently)

25. Would you like any recommendations? I’m game for anything. I love period pieces, fantasy, science fiction, TIME TRAVEL, quirky detectives, gory things, child-friendly things, honestly as long as it has interesting characters I am game. I don’t even need a good story, just characters.

Heeey I am terrible at tagging people. If you want to do the thing, please do! And tag me so I can read it :) Also, if you actually read this whole thing, then you deserve all the gold stars, thank you!

#about me #if you want to do this then i tag you you are tagged #thank you for tagging me #yourgoodfriendraichel #:D #also if any of you actually read this #i get pretty heated about fandom things further down #my hatred for hunger games adn chloe from life is strange to name a few

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