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emoisthenewemu · 2 days ago

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Homie Hopper! Pt.2

Bonus: Senior Year!

College MHA boys x F! Reader

Pt.1 here!

In which after getting your little heart broken, you get passed around your local University’s hottest friend group! Everyone needs those slutty College years!

Cw: SMUT, problematic behavior, p in v, lots of different kinks n stuff, i went overboard a bit on Todorokis and Shinsos, sub! Shinso, name calling, reader has female anatomy, reader essentially gets passed around

A/N just wanna say idk why shinso has to be the villain it just felt right😞sorry bae ily

Shoto Todoroki as The Pretty Boy!

-Shoto Todoroki, who is friends with the whole group you ran through last year (and still hook up with on occasion) but doesn’t come around much

-Shoto Todoroki who you had no idea lived right around the corner from you-in a much nicer neighborhood with his brothers

-You run into him on a late night run to the convenience store, in an oversized hoodie with bling on it, it catches his eye as he peruses the aisle next to you

-Shoto Todoroki, who makes you so nervous you cannot even make eye contact as he says a friendly hello to you. You know each other and would occasionally bum off one another’s notes after a missed class. He’s the Pretty Boy and everyone knows it, himself included.

-He thinks it’s cute to watch you squirm. He’s always made you nervous, it was obvious. He likes the way you fiddle with your necklace, his eyes darting down to the unzipped part of your hoodie that shows cleavage.

“I like your sweater” He compliments.

“Oh thanks! It’s super cute, right? I just bought it!” You exclaim excitedly.

“Mhm super cute” He nods nonchalantly and simply waves goodbye, leaving you all but twirling your hair alone in the aisle.

-He never had to try hard with girls, he probably could have just asked you that first night to come home with him and you most likely would have said yes. But he likes the chase, watching your face get hot and eyes flick down to his grey sweatpants. He knows what he is doing.

- So he keeps it up a little longer, choosing to subtly flirt with you on these late night run-ins. His compression shirts get tighter, sweats hanging looser on his hips.

And you, well your shorts get even shorter and sweaters begin to grow more unzipped.

-Shoto Todoroki, who finally asks if you want to head back to his place with him to ‘watch a movie’. You agree of course, and he keeps an arm wrapped around your waist the whole walk home making small talk about school of all things. If only you knew the perverse images flashing in his head.

You walk past his two hot older brothers-who are sitting on the couch watching some action movie and smoking a blunt. You wave politely and Shoto rolls his eyes at the way they do not even attempt to conceal the way they are checking you out.

Oh well, he’ll just have to fuck you loud enough for both of them to hear.

-Shoto, who always gets what he wants. You’re on top of him, kissing his neck and chest, jerking him beneath his sweats as he grips your ass-smacking it occasionally. “So impatient” He tsks as you roll his sweats down.

“Cant wait for this dick, can you?”

You shake your head no and he grabs you by the hair, pulling you close for a sinful kiss. “Use your words”

“Want you to fuck me….you’re so hot” You whine and he kisses you again, biting at your lower lip.

“Good girl”

-Shoto Todoroki, who has your legs folded in such a way that it hurts. Your ankles and wrists bound by his hand as he pounds into you relentlessly.

Of course he has good dick, he’s perfect, even his dick is pretty!

-He is groaning and cursing on top of you, free hand going to choke you and pinch your nipples.

“Mm, Shoto!”

“Yeah say my fucking name” The bed is creaking and slamming against the wall, if you weren’t so fucked out you would worry about his brothers being able to hear. But obviously he doesn’t care about that.

“Shoto!” You whine, squealing when he snaps! his hips so meanly. It hits that spongy spot that makes your tummy feel funny. “Too much, too much!”

The two of you had established a safe word, icyhot. And you had yet to mutter it so he ignores your complaints, slamming into you like he would die without your pussy.

-“Stop whining” He finally releases your wrists, pushing your ankles all the way to your ears as his strokes try to find their own rhythm. This position has you squeezing him so tight it’s hard to move sometimes. “You wanted this shit, huh? Always staring at me in class”

You squeal, his calm voice grounds you in a way. Even if his words are filthy. “Wearing those slutty little clothes to the store. You walk around like that?”

“Just wanted you t’look at me” You whine, his eyes go down to his cock disappearing into your folds. He’s so deep and you’re so wet, your slick almost suctions to his thighs-leaving a sloshing noise every time he pulls his hips back.

-“M’fucking looking” He nods, jaw agape and panting like a fucking dog. “Can’t take my eyes off this slutty pussy”

“Gonna watch you cum on this dick” He speaks determinedly, eyes glazed over with something feral as his thumb goes to rub your clit. “Know you want to”

-“Yesyesyes!” You cry out, throwing your head back and gripping the sheets. The sounds are downright pornographic-his own grunting and the occasional moan mixed in with the wet noises from your sloppy pussy.

He’s close, and you are too.

-His thumb begins moving faster and you’re starting to shake. He watches your stomach quiver, forcing your legs down even though they try to break free of his grip. You’re certain there will be bruises left over tomorrow with the way he holds onto you.

-“Cumming Shoto!” His eyes never leave the way your release comes spilling out, onto his thighs and stomach. He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, watching you come undone before his very eyes.

He doesn’t even realize he forgot to put a condom on, now actively shooting ropes inside of you-he can’t remember the last time he came this much.

“Don’t worry, m’on the pill” You mutter, lazy eyes fluttered closed as he softly thrusts into you.

His heart drops, what a shame.

-Shoto Todoroki, who misses you when he moves away. He always hearts your stories and slides up on your posts and promises to come and see you. But he never does.

Hitoshi Shinso as The Shitty Ex!

-Hitoshi Shinso, your ex boyfriend who comes knocking (banging) at your door one night. He’s on his knees spewing bullshit about how the time apart made him realize how much he needs you.

It only took sleeping with half of the girls at his College to understand that.

-But he regrets it! He feels so stupid and terrible so ‘pleasepleaseplease take me back! Im sorry!’

“These other girls could never love me the way you do!”

-You laugh right in his face, arms crossed as you look down in disgust. “Are you high?”

“Whatthefuck no!” He hides his face in his hands with a big sigh. He looks…..pathetic. Eyes baggier than usual, messy purple hair as he finally gives up on the kneeling and sits back against the wall. Pulling out his vape, he hits it, all the while looking you in the eye. “I just miss you”

You roll your eyes, sitting down right next to him and snatching the puff into your hands. “Hitoshi…I think you’re just lonely”

He stays quiet as he thinks of what to say. It seems all words are lost on him. “I would do anything”

“Anything?”

-For some terrible, sick reason seeing him so whiny does something to you.

You suppose you have Denki to thank for what happens next.

-Hitoshi Shinso, whose whole body twitches when you deny his release for the second time. He’s whining, hips bucking up into your touch as you jerk him lazily, hand barely wrapped around his cock.

“Say it!”

“No!” He shakes his head furiously side-to-side, ears and chest turning red with how flushed he is. His chest heaves up and down.

“Then you don’t get to cum” You let go of him and his hand immediately to shoots out to grab yours, pulling it right back to the place he needs you the most.

“M’sorry” He whimpers, eyes scrunching shut as he imagines you giving him what he wants. How fat his load would be, you would be so pleased with how much he has built up for you! He feels so embarrassed and ashamed, it’s all so dirty. The worst part of it all is how fucking hard he is.

“I’m sorry! Been so bad! Soso bad-fuck!” He shudders when you grip him tight, but that’s just it. You do nothing else, causing him to take matters into his own hands.

He starts fucking your hand, so needy and sloppily as he moans and groans about how bad he’s been. “I’m a bad boyfriend! I’ve been so bad, need you t’punish me!”

oh. You didn’t tell him to say all that.

- Hitoshi Shinso, who cums on the spot with the loudest groan you have ever heard in your life when you slap him across the face. It wasn’t even hard or anything, he just liked it way too much.

-Hitoshi Shinso who does not shut up when you start riding him-nails raking down his chest. You’re honestly annoyed because you still hate him! You just wanted to use him the way he used you!

“Shut upp” You groan, cupping his mouth as you try and tune out his words. The moans are hot, his yapping not so much. “Never said you could talk”

Holy shit he had no idea he would ever be into something like this. Your words make his eyes roll back, gripping onto your hips like he might lose you as he beings to fuck you back.

“Fuckk!” You cry when he pistons his hip in tandem with yours-allowing himself even deeper inside you, reaching all the way into your special spot.

-You throw your head back, so lost in the feeling of trying to meet each other’s movements that you take a hand off his mouth. Your hips rolling sensually over his, an unmistakable sloshing sound forming between the two of you.

“Pussy’s so good. Missed it so so much, mygoddd” He rests a head on your tummy, his lower half stuttering and twitching in an attempt to get more of you. “Loveyouloveyoulo-“

“I said shut the fuck upp” You stop, looking into his wimpy eyes that are so full of emotion. He keeps fucking you, but you grab his face to make him look at you. “You want me to gag you?”

You honestly meant it as more of a warning. But the way he frantically nods yes tells you everything you need to know.

-Hitoshi Shinso, whose whole body trembles when you grab the pair of panties that had previously been discarded and stuff them in his mouth. The whites of his eyes are the only thing you can see in between tufts of sweaty hair. It doesn’t stop the noise of course. If anything he becomes even louder than before.

At least he’s not talking.

-“Mmmm yes….much better” You coo, hips moving up and down so fast you can hardly think. You are soo glad your roommates are out of town.

Mostly because they would be so pissed that you’re fucking your ex!

-Hitoshi Shinso, whose moans and whines get louder the closer he is to finishing. His muscular body is drenched in sweat-abs and chest messy with his cum.

His arms absentmindedly wrap around your waist, thrusting up into your pussy as he chases his release. And a rough tug of his hair when he hits a certain spot deep inside is enough to make him finish again.

-Hitoshi Shinso, who is an absolute mess-his body feels so weak and hot. Sweat covers him entirely, lungs gasping for air as you slowly ride him. For a moment you think he might pass out with how exhausted he looks.

Taking the panties out of his mouth, you push some of his hair out of his face. He leans into your gentle touch. “You okay?”

“Yeah” A breathless whisper is all he can get out as you both catch your breath. And then he kisses you, so passionately and full of want that your teeth knock together for a second.

His hands slide their way down to your hips, guiding you to slowly move up and down. You whine at the ‘draaag’ of his thick cock inside your walls. Mouth open as you look down and listen to the lewd noises. Even worse is his cum dripping out of you-making a mess.

“Use me”

-Hitoshi kisses you again. “Use me to make you cum please, please. Wanna watch you do it”

- You do what you’re told, using him until you’ve cum twice and his body is limp, sprawled out across the mattress.

That is until you throw his clothes at him and tell him to get the hell out of your apartment.

-Hitoshi Shinso, who for some reason is surprised you are making him leave so soon. He mentions something about cuddling but you shut that down completely. Walking out into the hallway-he just has to ask.

“Where the hell’d you learn all that?”

- You giggle in response but the smile is wiped right off your face when you spot your favorite friend group rounding the corner!

“Toshi’ whatsup man!” Denki is the first to say hello, dapping him up with a sly smile. “S’been a while”

Shinso is still looking at you, he doesn’t understand why you look so scared.

“Sub bro” Sero daps him up in between bites of whatever snack he got at the store.

The boys look at you. You look at them, you look at Shinso like a deer caught in headlights. For a moment you forgot they all went to the same High School.

And Kirishima, who is usually quite friendly only nods and passes by your ex without a second glance back. This surprises Hitoshi.

And Bakugo, who was never very nice to begin with does not even look at the man you use to date-only you with his perpetual mad face, he makes a point of stretching his body uncomfortably to get by him without touching your ex.

And Shinso watches the way they all say hi to you, the lingering touches, the change in their voices as they greet you. He certainly notices when Denki and Sero (being the messy bitches they are) give you a kiss on the cheek before entering their friends’ apartment. Kirishima gives you a half hug, looking back at Shinso with an unreadable expression on his face.

-Although unsurprisingly Bakugo decides to be the pettiest, hugging you tight. “You good?” He whispers in your ear.

And you nod, assuring that your ex was just on his way out and you’ll call your neighbor should any problems arise. He accepts that answer.

-Katsuki Bakugo bids you farewell with a slap on the ass, right in front of your ex boyfriend’s eyes. You don’t miss the evil smirk on his face as he closes the door, leaving you with wide eyes and a hand over your mouth.

“You fucking kidding me?! You fucked him?” Your ex boyfriend looks so pissed and also a bit like he might cry. “And Kirishima! Why the fuck was he looking at me like that?! You fuck him too?!”

Your silence is the only answer he needs but as he now stomps down the hall the wheels in his head turn. The whole encounter was so weird and awkward that it makes him think. And the more he thinks, the more afraid he is to accept the truth. Hitting the button to the elevator, he looks back at you for the final time in his life.

“You fucked all of them, didn’t you?”

-Hitoshi Shinso, who cries on the drive home.

And last but not least!

Izuku Midoriya as The Unexpected Freak!

-Izuku Midoriya who is the smartest guy you know! The two of you had a few classes over the years and he carried you through quite a few of them. You always thanked him with coffee and sweet treats though so he never minded!

He’s such a cutie patootie! Although the two of you don’t see much of each other anymore seeing as he’s busy trying to complete his double major. You heard that he also does volunteer work on the weekends with kids and the elderly! How sweet is that?

-Izuku Midoriya, who does not hesitate to help you out when you ask him to tutor you for one of your finals. With the end of College right around the corner-you are desperate to pass.

-The two of you study for a while, although he finds himself a bit distracted. He heard about you and Shinso and well, Bakugo happened to tell him how much of a slut you are-you’ve slept with quite literally all of their friends. So he imagines sweet little you who has always seemed so cute and innocent completely fucked out beneath his friends, whining, begging for more.

Your perfume smells so sweet and flowery, you’re sitting closer than you ever have before. In a tight little shirt and pretty pink sweats that hug your thighs in the best way possible. I mean, how could he not be distracted?

-You ask him a question but he doesn’t answer-too zoned out on the pink lacy bra peeking out beneath your top. He can only see it because of how close you’re sitting and he blushes once he realizes you caught him staring!

“You okay Izuku?”

“Yeah…..I just wanna see something really quick”

-Izuku Midoriya, who has you on your knees mere minutes later-choking on his fat cock. Tears streaming down your face as you gag, attempting to pull off and breathe.

But he doesn’t let you, a firm grip of your hair is enough yo keep you in place. His large hands-that you were staring at earlier cup your head when he starts to fuck your mouth.

-The gargling and gagging noises are downright obscene as he fucks your throat roughly. Sniffles and whimpers as you try to catch whatever breath you can.

-Izuku Midoriya is quite vocal about the way you suck his cock, taking many moments to admire you. His dirty words and actions downright shock you. Who knew such a sweet boy had such a freaky little side to him??

“Mmm doing so good pretty girl, m’dick looks sooo good in your mouth”

“So sloppy baby. You like having your mouth stuffed, huh?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full pretty, such bad manners”

“Hah….look at you slurp this dick up. Never expected you to be so nasty yn”

-Izuku Midoriya who rubs his girthy, wet cock all over your face-slapping you with it lightly. He spreads it across, precum mixed with saliva and tears as he slaps the tip on your lips.

“So fucking nasty, bet you’d let me fuck your throat till’ you can’t talk anymore”

-“You look so pretty like this” His toes are curling as you guzzle him up, pulling off with a loud pop every now and then as you go give attention to his balls. “Shitshitshit gonna cum all over your messy face. Gonna ruin your pretty makeup, yeah?”

-“Ohhh yeah, just like that” He sighs in relief as he takes control again by pulling your hair, guiding you up and down. “You’re a good cocksucker….wish I knew that sooner”

-You’re sososo horny. Seeing someone so endearing act so filthy really has you going. You’re sucking him off like you’ll never get a taste of it again. You speed up your movements, flipping between downright suckling on the tip and swirling your tongue around it.

It seems to be working, judging by the way his knees (and dick) twitch. His moans get louder, breaths beginning to grow more shallow.

-Izuku Midoriya who begins jerking off before painting your face white with ropes of his hot cum, eyes stuck on the way your fingers pick up a bit of it and you lick them clean.

“S-shit. I needed that” He admits.

-Izuku Midoriya who promises that if you pass your final with a higher than 70 percent, he’ll fuck you!

#mha smut #mha #bnha x reader #bnha smut #izuku midoriya #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku smut #midoriya smut #shoto todoroki #shoto todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki smut #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinso #shinso x reader #shinso smut #my hero academia #bmha

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snake-spire · 2 days ago

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So I’m not sure if I should talk about this or if it’s even worth mentioning but, there’s a post trying to villainize Harlan for posting about the US election and “promoting” Malevolent, if anyone has seen the twitter post and those in the Invictus discord would know. And is actively trying to make him out as ableist and racist, and I am absolutely floored by this response and how people aren’t really thinking about it deeper than that. I am censoring the person’s username because I don’t want them to be attacked. Just block them and move on if you end up finding the post.

First of all, Harlan lives in Canada, and I ask, why can’t he say anything to give his audience, who’s primarily queer and American, hope to push on? He uses his podcast as an example to make his point clearer. Because people can relate to it.

It’s insensitive to think that the United States live in this bubble that other people living in different countries can’t care about what’s going on, especially when Canada’s borders are now closed. And the fascist President is actively trying to make it the 51th state for god knows why. (This tumblr post was made at least two days ago)

I’ll come back to twitter because there is actually something about promoting Malevolent that can be seen as pushy (and I do think it was) but it really comes back to bite the op if you aren’t actively paying attention and can’t be bothered to look at the person’s account.

But there are three very heavy claims that this tweet makes that without thinking, are very damning. So let’s dissect that.

1. No one cares that most women characters are dead. And if they do, they really shouldn’t. Harlan is the sole creator of the show. He is the sole actor. Because he wants to. That’s his decision to not bring on other voice actors. Would it be nice? Yeah, absolutely. But I don’t care in the sense that I’m neutral about it. Who’s alive and who’s dead shouldn’t matter. And again, this idea that the women who have died had no impact on the story is diminishing their value as women. They didn’t die for the male lead (most of them anyway). They (especially in season one) were actively doing something and they are quite literally, the only reason the story is happening in universe. So yeah, if you want to be as shallow as possible, there are many dead women in the show. Congrats.

2. What ableist undertones? No really I would like to know. Is it because you think they’re ableist? There are 0 examples in the post to back this up. Are you claiming that the entire show’s undertones are ableist? I am working with absolutely nothing here. If you’re trying to make a “call-out” post or want people like me on your side, give me something. So yeah, I’m tossing that away because op never cares in the first place.

3. Now this is the second most damming thing in the post. Because it’s a somewhat serious allegation to frame Harlan as being racist. But that’s easy to refute: it’s in the name of Shub-Niggurath. And it’s barely in season 1.

Now I’m going to state an obvious fact: H.P. Lovecraft was racist. And there are far worst examples in his work with creatures just straight up named racial slurs and many of his works contain those on the basis. And it’s bad that he wrote that.

I want to make it clear that I am white, I’m not a person of color. And the op isn’t black either after I checked their page. So neither of us can fully comment on the “time period racial slurs” in Malevolent in full. But my college roommate who is black can. And they said it was absolutely ridiculous because there are no slurs being used as it’s a part of the name. and as that roommate pointed out to me, I guess we have to go after Arnold Schwarzenegger because of his last name.

And besides, if you’re going to get on Harlan for saying the name, what about every other piece of Lovecraftian media that included Shub? Because unlike Malevolent where she’s a small drop in the overall story, she’s actually integral to those pieces of media (ie: Sucker for Love 2)

Now remember how the racism accusation was the second most damming thing about the post?

Yeah I think the Nazi claim is there too.

And when someone asked in the reply for proof, the answer boiled down to, look it up. Because again, op couldn’t have been bothered to provide evidence or examples. Is that person still in there? How long ago was this? Does Harlan share those same views now? Does said Nazi still have those views?

I’m not implying that this did or didn’t happen. I don’t know because there is nothing to implicate anything. I shouldn’t have to do the work op couldn’t do themselves.

Now to circle back to the initial Twitter screenshot and something that Harlan can be viewed as being pushy about, I unfortunately couldn’t get a screenshot of the screenshot (again I blocked said person and I do not and will never get twitter) but I do know that when WolfytheWitch had started their listen of Malevolent and got to episode 20, they made a tweet about it and Harlan @ ed them. He had mentioned how fans and Cain needed a distraction in trying times.

Do I find that pushy? Yeah. But again, I don’t really care. Because this show means a lot to people. And they know that if they need to shut the world out for a moment, it’s just a click away.

But what really irks me were the tags about Cain in OP’s reblog of the post where this section is. And it really goes to show that the op has no clue what they were talking about and couldn’t be bothered to provide examples and evidence.

Cain is from the Philippines. They do not live in America. And it’s in their bio everywhere. They don’t hide it. This isn’t a “oh I didn’t know.” It’s an “I couldn’t have been bothered to check.”

I don’t like the idea of call out posts. Hell, I don’t even like that I have to make this post in the first place but it doesn’t sit right with me because I want people to think critically when there is no evidence besides opinions. And the claim that he didn’t ban a nazi which again, I don’t know if that’s true or not because op should have at least provided evidence when throwing out a claim like that.

And I will iterate again, please if you end up finding the post or someone reblogged it, do not harass the op or the person that reblogged it. Because that’s gross and disgusting and you have no place here.

Now I’ve said my piece about a post I probably should have ignored. But I didn’t. Because it was eating me up all day today.

Stay safe y’all

-Snake-Spire

#most of these tags are just to spread the word #malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #john malevolent #kayne malevolent #private eyes #detective noel malevolent #oscar malevolent #the butcher malevolent #harlan guthrie #malevolent rambling #media analysis #masked

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 24 hours ago

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what if a yeerk didn't know/realize it was a yeerk? What if it thought it was a human kid?

I'm trying to figure out how this would happen, and imagination is failing me. There is some evidence we've successfully convinced nonhumans that they're humans — Nim Chimpsky would sort photos of himself among photos of humans, putting photos of chimps in a different pile. But Nim was a chimpanzee, sharing 99% of humans' genes. And he was taken from his mother when he was 10 days old to be raised exclusively by humans: sleeping in a bed, wearing clothes, eating with utensils, peeing in a toilet. He'd never met another chimp at the time of that study.

By our best guess, dogs don't think they're human, nor do most pets. Dogs easily learn to prefer humans (or sheep, cows, etc.) over other dogs, but the way they act around fellow dogs is completely different from how they act around other mammals of similar size/shape. This is both because dogs mostly spend their first weeks among their parents and siblings (if not they tend to die, so even shitty breeders rarely take bottle babies), and because dogs have obvious physical differences from humans. Being dogs, they probably care less that we lack fur or use language than that we smell like omnivores who rub themselves with soap, and that we move very differently from quadrupeds. Cats are harder to pin down, but they famously don't meow at each other, only at the dumb apes whose affection or tuna sandwiches they want to demand. I don't think anyone's investigated hamsters or goldfish, but I'm guessing the odds are against one mistaking a giant hand that comes from the sky to dispense pellets for being one's sibling.

So the issue with this hypothetical yeerk is threefold: 1) yeerks don't resemble humans, 2) yeerks need to see each other to feed, and 3) yeerks can't interact with humans without using a human host. Let's suppose that the yeerk is taken into a human home immediately after spawning, that the yeerk shows infantile amnesia (who knows), and that the yeerk grows up only feeding from a private pool that contains no other yeerks. Let's even suppose that we give the yeerk a Stephenie Meyer—style human host who is completely brain dead. Even under those circumstances, would the yeerk think "I'm human"? or would the yeerk think "all so-called humans are greenish slugs operating ape bodies like mech suits; we just don't mention this fact out loud"? And is that the same thing as thinking oneself human?

For that matter, did Nim Chimpsky really think he was human, or do his two piles of pictures simply mean "apes who wear clothes" and "apes who don't"? If he assumed all apes have a life stage of being hairy and good at climbing before metamorphosing into a hairless form good at running, is that the same thing as thinking himself human? Was there a different categorization in his head, and if so was it comparable to the boundaries that humans draw around the concept "human" — e.g. "like-mes" and "beasts"? He never actually learned a human language, because evidence would suggests apes cannot, so we'll never know his exact thought process.

#animorphs #primates #self-concept #psychology #nim chimpsky #apes #cruelty to animals mention #yeerks #linguistics #anthropology #xenobiology

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bmbidoll · 2 days ago

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𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐑

baekhyun x f!reader

synopsis: you never really let yourself get too close to the friend of your friends, baekhyun, while he got progressively tired of your vanishings everytime you two hooked up. it's only in a pivotal moment in his audi where you two lay your feelings bare. in more ways than one.

content: 6k words one shot with small angst plot, but mostly smut with both rough and fluff undertones ♡

author's notes: hiiiii!!! I'm so so so happy with the incredible response that savor (check it out if you haven't!) received that I've decided to share this one, too! please enjoy it for a while as I'll take some time to try and do something more elaborate with my next work with military!baekhyun

once again, my current and future works will always be created, centered, and catered to adults! so if you're a minor pleeeease don't interact. and to my dear readers, thank you for your tremendous support, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did envisioning it.

warnings: cursing, brief mentions of smoking and drinking, semi but almost public car sex (i'm not sorry), hair pulling, dirty talking, dry humping, fingering, oral sex f!receiving, cumplay, oral fixation, marking, p in v, unprotected sex, spanking, creampie (get used to it), cock warming, overall pure filth! you have been warned!

every adventure with baekhyun was something sort of too good. ever since you became 'acquainted', those shared glances were undeniably wanton. everytime he saw you coming into your mutual friends' parties with your girls, he'd have to put his teeth on something, either his bottom lip or his finger just to not walk into you and take you right in the center of the room.

you had noticed his stares. one would have to be blind not to, since he didn't really keep it discreet. as if sending a message not just to you, but to everyone to assert some type of 'ownership'. you found it ridiculous just as much as you found it hot, because out of the bedroom, you didn’t really know him, always picking someone else to the dance floor knowing he'd see it.

you gave him some sort of a show, grabbing random dudes that would always end up stunned when you left them hanging, even if you were the one who initiated. it was light fun in your mind since you don't ever actually look towards hooking up with any of them.

everyone knew you'd mostly care for your girls, not having eyes for just any guys. of course, you knew how to have fun. you liked it that one time you made out with junmyeon when you met the group before baekhyun came into the picture. junmyeon wanted more, but you kept him at that, mild fun, even if sometimes you pictured letting loose with him or jongin.

you'd dance teasingly, not caring that much for your partner since you know they'd be hypnotized by the way you knew how to work your hips close against their crotch, barely touching it. that was enough to make baekhyun clench his jaw and stand up, leaving his drink behind and walking towards the exit, not giving you a second glance. that's how the game usually starts.

but he swore to himself he'd make it different tonight.

you turn to your dance partner with a sweet grin, interrupting their stunned attempts to get your number with your hand caressing their cheek. excusing yourself from the dance floor, you took your time to kiss your girls goodbye with knowing looks from them.

your steps are quiet against the fading music from inside the house as you walked into the porch, feeling the hot summer night. you were glad you chose a crop top and a skirt combo, as usual. you spotted a certain sillhoutte by the corner, smoking a cigarette as he leaned on the railing.

"you still smoke that shitty stuff?" you asked, not receiving any surprise from him since this type of conversation is normal between you two. when you actually talk, that is.

"you still entertain those shitty guys?" he retorted sharply, making you amused as you walked closer to him, standing on his side as your stare found his sharp profile.

baekhyun gave you the grace of his gaze, even though he was frowning with a certain scowl.

"I don't understand you." you muster with a seductive grin, analyzing how could he get so bothered with things that seemed so simple to you.

"you do. you just pretend you don't so you don't feel guilty of stringing me along." he murmured, dropping the cigarette and stepping on it.

"excuse me? stringing you along to what? exclusive sex?" you quipped, your grin fading quickly. if anything bothered you the most, was his audacity. byun baekhyun's audacity always made you want to give him a real reason to get mad.

he only chuckled, dryly. shaking his head as he turned away from you to walk across the street towards his audi, making you grumble with guilty conscience while you watched him.

you knew through your girlfriends that baekhyun had some sort of 'hard crush' on you. you always found it ridiculous because you'd never even gave him the grace of knowing anything from you from your own mouth, besides sex talk. you were sure everything he knew about your life was piece of info delivered through others like the things you knew about his.

that he was somewhat of a reformed player. that he now didn't mess with just any girl for the fun of it anymore.

you found it hard to believe, considering how he looked, how he talked, and how he danced. how he caught to you before you caught to him.

it started with make out sessions after drinks, then messing around in bathrooms, to spending the night on his penthouse. it scared you, not only for the fact that it happened a lot, but also that you could never refuse him. you wanted him too much.

but for different reasons.

"wait!" you said, trying to follow his large steps. he opened the driver door, but you quickly pushed it closed before he could enter, "fucking wait, goddammit!" you shouted earning a furious glare from how roughly you treated his car. not that you gave a damn.

"if you ever touch my car like that again I swear to god—" you interrupted him.

"I don't mean to string you along!" you snapped, "I just... I'm not good at that part." lowering your voice as your confidence dimmed.

you were never good with honesty, always telling that you're as good as fucked if you ever were the first to fall in every past fling you've had. and that applied to just any type of relationship, especially to yours where you were both... kind of strangers. strangers that loved each other's bodies too much.

"what part are we talking about? the part where you just tease me with some random fuckboy just to get angry sex, or the part where you disappear in the morning without ever giving me the grace of a fucking word?" baekhyun spoke calmly, but you knew he was anything but, narrowing his eyes at your progressively curved stance.

"the latter... the 'figuring out where do we go' part." you murmured, feeling immature under his sharp gaze.

"oh my god. what else do I have to do to get to your fucking head that this," he pointed towards the both of you, "is not just some mediocre hooking up thing? I've been trying to get to know you for almost a year! god, even your girls know how fucking in love I am with you." baekhyun ranted, making you feel slightly embarrassed for being so unable of handling this, handling him, with maturity.

it wasn't that you didn't like him... you just couldn't. couldn't fathom getting involved someone that seemed so perfect without even trying.

"get in." he said, simplistic, walking around the car to the passenger seat and opening the door.

"what?" you asked, confused.

"just get in before I change my mind and leave you alone, for good." his voice said, cold, but you could hear the tiredness. you certainly didn't not want to defy him now, knowing he's good with his word.

you cursed inwards and walked around the sports car with your head down, smiling awkward when he held the door to you as you entered, and got in the driver seat afterwards. his audi was more spacious than his porsche, which made you more comfortable as he drove into the night, both of you too tense to muster up words. your eyes stared pathetically at the car's tinted windows, seeing the droplets of summer rain start, fucking great.

your apartment complex was built in the past century, which meant any light wind could mess up your building's energy, much less with the rain, to which wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. baekhyun knew that, but you never actually invite him over.

you looked at him as he stared at you, seemingly knowing your thoughts. "I'm not taking you to my penthouse again." he said casually.

"baekhyun, please? I'm not even gonna do anything, I just don't wanna stay in the damn dark by myself. plus the air conditioner won't work, so it'll be a humid oven in there." you sighed, but he didn't seem very interested in your lame excuse.

both of you stood quietly as he stopped on a red light, checking his phone in disinterest before stepping on the pedal again, expertly driving through the streets. you'd find him to be a vision in other circumstances.

"I'm sorry."

baekhyun clenched his jaw at your words, but didn't say anything, so you continued. "fuck, baekhyun— i really am. it's just... I'm bad at... everything revolving people. I know it doesn't seem like it since I'm outgoing and 'extroverted', but when it comes to problems like this, I really have no idea about what the fuck I'm doing." you felt the car stop in the middle of the way to your home and his eyes turning to face you, but you continued, "the truth is that I didn't actually believe that I was hurting you. didn't but that you actually, honestly wanted something to do with me that wasn't just stress relieving sex... even though you never actually gave me a concrete reason to disregard your feelings. so I just cowered everytime there was an opportunity to face that, face you. I know none of that shit is your problem and you expected me to at least be honest and own up before it got to this point, but I failed at that. since that's all I've known in past relationships." you finished, ready to just leave the car and walk home on your own. fuck the rain, you just didn't want to face his coldness after all that.

your escape plan was fumbled as quick as it was formed, baekhyun locking the doors from the digital panel and grabbing your hand. he stared at you with conflict, but didn't have the same coldness and reservations from before your speech. he sighed and pushed one strand of your long hair behind your ear.

"why do you push me away, angel...?" baekhyun murmured with a voice sure to make you drop down your defensiveness, frowning as the answer was just as unclear to you as it was to him. you felt so small, and he hated it as much as you did.

"I guess I just..." you started, looking at him waringly only to find soft pupils focused on you so intensely that it made you look down again. "I tend to leave first because I never want to be the one left. I don't ever want to give anyone the ability to leave me again... so it doesn't have anything to do with something you've done or not." you looked at him again, baekhyun finally grasping understanding amidst his hurt from your actions, now sure they were consequences of protecting yourself.

"I had no idea, angel." he squeezed your hand, his thumb caressing it gently, his grasp pulling you into his arms for a soothing hug that you didn’t know you needed right now, the way his cool hand found your lower bare waist beneath your crop top made you shudder softly, resting your head against his spacious shoulder.

the way baekhyun looked at you when you leaned back made you gulp from the closeness. "now we can go to my penthouse, if you want to." he asked, protective of you, which made you nod softly, but when he turned away from you to grab the steering wheel, you impulsively grabbed his arm, making him stare at you in confusion.

"what is it? I figured we could also order something when we get there since there wasn't any food at the..." he trailed off as you stared at him with those eyes. "...party."

you slowly made your way over the panel, thankful he chose his audi today, since it gave you space to cross towards his seat. "what are you—" baekhyun started, but gasped as you straddled him, you legs feeling his jeans.

"angel, I won't do anything before I'm sure you're not leaving me afterwards." he spoke with his jaw clenched, strained, but serious.

"not even kiss me?" your voice murmured, close to him, watching him struggle to control himself.

it's not like you didn't want to take this seriously. not like you didn't mean any of your earlier words.

it was just hard not to want byun baekhyun when he looked into your pupils with such protective eyes. and even harder when he kissed you with such wanton lips. his hand went carefully behind your head as his mouth claimed yours gently in a way that made you pathethically weak, something that you felt was unfair. you pressed the button on the side of the driver seat that made it slowly descend, giving you more space to grind your hips against his, making him growl, parting the kiss with a rough tug on your hair.

"take this seriously if you don't want me to fuck you like you're worthless in the backseat." he hissed in a whisper, making you grin at the delicious tingles his proposition gave you.

but as much as you liked it when he was angry, you didn't want to make him mad anymore. not tonight.

your hand found his cheek, caressing him gently. "if I didn't take you seriously, I wouldn't tell you those things. I may be a coward, but not a liar." that made him release your hair and caress your scalp, "besides... is it truly wrong to want you this much...? to want to be yours right here in the center of the street?" you murmured, resuming your soft moves in his crotch, making him throw his head back in a curse, clearly unable to totally deny you

"you're lucky I'm in love with you." baekhyun grunted, meeting your center with his, the friction of his jeans and your pleated skirt making your breaths shorten. "I know," you purred with a wide smile, "but did I ever make you not love fucking me?"

that made his hands find your rear roughly, squeezing it in a way that made you whimper.

"you fucking minx..." he pulled your hips to his forcefully, making you grin lazily. "making me taint another one of my cars..." you gasped as one of his hands quickly found your heat under your skirt, rubbing up and down as you seeped through it while he spoke. "look at you. you're so damn shameless." he murmured on your ear as you curved from his touch, your hands finding his shoulders as an anchor when he tugged your panties aside and slowly inserted his middle finger, making you curse.

"could you go any slower?" you grunted with frustated sarcasm, but regretted instantly when you saw his annoyingly handsome, deviant grin, feeling his curling digit take his time as he hovered his thumb on your increasingly swollen clit.

"you know, darling? I actually wanted to wait a bit. I was hoping..." baekhyun trailed off, watching his finger pumping in and out of your wetness. "we could have just went to my house and... talked, actually met each other like..." he added his ring finger, making your brows raise in a gasp, "normal people who can actually hold a conversation."

you were practically getting yourself off on his fingers, throwing your head back in uncomposed breaths, before whining when he pulled them out of you.

"but you just had to act like your needy self, hadn't you? firstly... you entered the party with this..." he raked your skimpy outfit, his other hand kneading your ass, "pathetic plea for my attention. now you're in my car, acting like you need me as much as you need air. the rain already stopped, and you're not even ashamed of your weak excuse to get into my bed."

you only smiled recklessly, grinding on him as a counter attack, stealing him a curse. "you're talking like you're so much better, hm? even if I wore something casual in this hot summer night you'd be drooling over my ass, which if I'm not mistaken, you have. the entire night." you caught his eyes on your exposed midriff so you leaned closer, contracting your abdomen in anticipation of his touch on your waist, "I bet even if it wasn't raining, you'd take any reason I gave you just to bring me over and..." you trailed off, biting your lower lip as your stared at him, playful.

you knew those eyes of his, and what you didn't know from spoken words, you recognized from his deep stare, that unlike other guys you met, gazed you with devotion. in less than a second, your lips crash desperately, his hand that was carefully caressing your hips now rushed under your skirt to bruise your pale skin. the way his blunt nails grazed your skin in urgency made you part your lips to moan on his kiss, to which he took advantage and pushed his tongue inside, making you rake up his hair, messing the stylish curls. you honestly thought it looked better that way, especially when you tugged them to make him moan a sound that, in all honesty, made you wetter. a selfish part of you wanted to be the only one to hear it, regardless of the implications. to drink on the deliciousness of his pleasured stares, ever switching from confident playfulness to longing pleas.

your bite on his lip made him puff and thrust upwards in delicious friction of your dry humping, something that you two usually spent long minutes doing. he stopped your attempts of undoing his belt to murmur in your ear. "go to the backseat, let me eat you out." and if you weren't so turned on, you'd laugh at his addiction to your taste.

you only smiled softly, slowly crawling your way to the backseat in a exaggerated raise of your ass that exposed your damp, black lace under your pleated skirt. you eventually sat there with a full blown smile when you turned to face him, his fucked out expression focusing on the way you grabbed the headrest, pulling down your panties with one hand and throwing them carelessly to the front of the car, something that'd normally make him mad. not this time, though. no. in fact, he caught them and stored on his pocket, making you roll your eyes.

"you really know how to act like a teenager when you want too, hm? baekhyunie?" you teased, sliding sideways as he made him way beside you, already separating your thighs and pushing your skirt up on your waist.

"does a teenager know how to eat you out like I do, angel?" baekhyun asked, looking up with a growing grin. and before you could even retort, you had to grab his hair with a curse at the slow lap of his velvet tongue between your folds. he'd start slow with circling movements on your clit before pushing inside in a curling manner that made you moan. the way he made out with your pussy was something you were obsessed with, the intricate manner he took turns with nibbling and sucking made your thighs quiver, and you were sure he loved when you suffocated him between them, rubbing his nose to slobber on your taste in a filthy manner.

your mind was so high that you almost didn't notice the sound of the car window going down behind you, your eyes widened as you saw his hand pressing the button with purpose, his own watched your gasping reaction in determined lust.

"what the fuck! baekhyun, someone's gonna—!" your hand that tried to press the button over his own was caught in a tight grip, your plea interrupted from the absolute need to let out a gasp from the added fingers of his right hand that were paired with his tongue.

"let people hear how pretty you sound when it's me who's eating you out. fuck it, let them see it." the way his voice sounded low and raspy triggered goosebumps from within your cunt, and you were thankful no one was around at this hour. your head was thrown back another time when he started a rapid, skillful assault that would surely make you come within seconds. the thrill of it all was raising your senses even higher, your gasps echoing recklessly into the night with the promise of someone hearing it made you want to scream in ecstasy, the orgasm shattering your reality for a moment. you swore the strength of your grip on his hair hurt baekhyun, but you weren't bothered to let it go when he was determined on drinking your every remnant, only stopping with a push from your hand.

he exhaled with a grunt, panting as he desperately unbuckled his belt and tugged everything off in one go. "turn around." he stated, helping you when your moves were consequently sluggish.

you could already feel his chest on your back when he steadied his cock on your entrance, his lips kissing your neck as he caressed your curves, your hands clutching the — still open – window.

"do you want this? right here?" baekhyun said on your ear, unconsciously making you rub yourself onto him.

it could be considered embarrassing how your mind didn't give a fuck for the spot you were put. how your only desire was to be his in every place you could get, since you knew he'd care for your comfort and needs perfectly.

"yes." was the single word you muttered before slowly moaning from the way he stretched you from behind. you could even smile from how you felt him throb inside of you, elated from the way he cursed on your ear.

the small sting from the already quick pace he settled did nothing to snuff out your lust, only raising it to the max as the both of you moaned on the open car window.

"fuck— I love how your pussy throbs around my cock after you come...!" baekhyun strained his voice behind you, snapping his hips ferociously onto you in a way that made your eyes roll from how deep he hit.

you couldn't even properly speak, only taking what he gave you with grateful noises. when his fingers found your lips and his hand gripped your chin, you instantly opened your mouth to receive his digits lewdly, humming at the way he sucked onto your pulse point.

"such a fucking good girl, right, angel...?" he hissed, thrusting viciously. "do you like this? me fucking your pussy on open air? hm?"

you could barely stop your choked moans as he removed his fingers from your mouth to hear your answer. when he didn't, his open hand hit your ass in a harsh hit, making you yelp loudly.

"y-yes! fuck yes!" you shouted, shaken, whimpering as he caressed the sting he caused amidst his thrusts. baekhyun only chuckled breathlessly, enjoying how you clenched everytime he spanked you. "just look at how good you take me... it's like you're swallowing me whole. such a perfect pussy." he kept changing it from slow to rapid moves, almost making your eyes well up with your inability to respond.

"god— I think I really fucking love you...!" he grunted, raising his pace as he smacked your flesh again. "gonna show you how much I love you by cumming inside, hm?"

you could barely nod, his fingers pressing down your tongue again before baekhyun rammed into you one final time, filling you up with a groan. he kissed your neck amidst love bites and pulled you onto his lap further in the backseat as he closed the window. his hand lovingly went up under your top, caressing your chest through your bra as he muttered multiple praises and turned you to face him, asking if you were okay with everything and if he didn't hurt you in any way. it was so good you almost thought you were already his, even without the two of you putting it into words.

he cleaned you with tissues from the car's glove box before both of you climbed back onto the front seats in a comfortable silence as he drove you to his penthouse confidently. he held your hand even though you said you were fine, walking you to the elevator before you were finally on his couch, facing each other with a water glass on your hand. you gulped silently before setting the glass on his coffee table, hugging yourself as you prepared yourself for the inevitable talk you been delaying for months.

"how are you?" baekhyun's voice muttered as his eyes watched you curled on the edge of the couch, your stockinged feet on it, yet his question made you raise your brows in confusion. that was certainly not the first question you expected.

"I mean— how are you feeling? right now?" he rephrased, making you look down in thought.

"I... feel okay, I suppose." you murmured, unsure.

"do you wanna talk about us...?" baekhyun spoke softly, his hand finding your knee in an attempt to coax a proper response, something that made you feel guilty.

you stayed silent, contemplating everything before you slowly pulled your knee closer to your chest.

"I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to face such thoughts right now." you sighed, closing your eyes while you pushed your face between your knees, frustrated by your inability to express your worries properly.

you heard him standing up from the couch to hover over your figure, pushing your hair back gently without a word. that made you look up with a worried look, but it soon softened as you saw his face, the intentions of making you comfortable clear within his expression.

"you're really serious about this, aren't you?" you spoke, shy as you sat properly to let him sit close to you. "about me and you... getting to know each other?"

"I'm serious about it because I wanna be serious about what I feel for you. for what I want to feel as I get to know you, if you'll let me..." baekhyun hummed, laying his head on your shoulder, which made you grin softly.

"and what would it imply?" you spoke softly, turning your face to his lowered one, watching his lashes flutter as he looked at before starting to visualize.

"oh, you know, the usual. dates, adventures.... lots of cuddles, plenty of kisses..." he paused, grinning at you as you rolled your eyes with a soft smile.

"you're ridiculous, you know that?"

"if being ridiculous makes you smile like that, then I'll take it." he said, making you groan and throw your head onto the cushion in a cringed expression. you heard him laugh, and unconsciously smiled when you faced him again, settling on a comfortable shared gaze.

baekhyun leaned closer, softening his expression as he spoke again "but more than that... supporting each other, trusting each other," you felt him lower his tone as he reached your lips, "being there for each other, through the good times and the bad."

"yeah...?" you whispered at him as you stared at his handsome face.

"yeah." he whispered back.

something about his tone and look made you kiss him, unhurried. it felt even better since he promptly responded by bringing you onto his lap to make out with patience.

"you're crazy" you said between pecks, inhaling his soft, woody, warm fragrance that brought you just as much comfort as it brought you desire.

"you're more." his said, breathy, sending newfound tingles in your lower stomach, and you remembered he still didn't give you back your panties, meaning you'd soon seep onto him if you kept this up.

so you figured, why not make it difficult for him?

you slowly inserted your tongue on his mouth, feeling his own eagerly swirling against yours in a lazy kiss, gently sucking onto him. that, paired with a couple of nibbles on his lower lip got him groaning, so you innocently moved your hand lower between your bodies and introduced your index within your walls, making you gasp. baekhyun only furrowed his brows, confused, but soon widened his eyes when you raised your hand between your faces, exposing the glistening of your juices coating your finger, before you licked the digit clean.

such action made him clench his jaw, exhaling through his nose as he stared at you sucking onto it.

"you wanna know what you'd get in a relationship with me, darling?" baekhyun spoke in a unnervingly calm low voice while his eyes were fixed on yours.

but before you could ask, he lifted you off the couch into his arms with ease, making you yelp as he walked with you further into the apartment, before reaching his master bedroom and tossing you on the bed. you yelped as your back reached his mattress, focusing your eyes on the one who stood before you, taking off his clothes in a hurried manner.

"you get all of me. every part. anytime you want." he stated as he got his shirt off in a manner you could only watch in a surprised awe.

"you get my mind," baekhyun unbucked his belt again, "you get my heart," his jeans and briefs dropped to the ground as he crawled onto the bed, on top of you. "and you get my body. all for you." he finished, pressing the tip of his already leaking cock against your folds. his tongue tracing the shell of your ear.

you cursed, shutting your eyes in overwhelm, just to hear him speak again. "and I get all of you. every part, every sound, every breath. all mine."

you opened them up only to find his face, completely whipped in anticipation for your response. both your breaths were shaken, your hand found his cheek with gentle caressing before your made your decision.

a relationship with baekhyun sounded far fetched from the start, you could already see that. but maybe a part of you longed to get to know him on the day after this. on the morning after, where your bodies are so spent you don't want to move away from each other. and maybe...

maybe you could turn this into something you won't be scared to face in the future.

looking at his eyes, you could see that beyond all the lustful desire, he only does this because that's the only thing you ever allowed him to do. so you breathed in, leaned your face closer to his in a way that lovingly made your noses touch, watching him close his eyes for a second.

"okay." you murmured.

it was another shockwave to feel him enter your walls again, and baekhyun took his time, gently pushing every inch in a painfully slow manner.

"you're still so damn tight, doll." he strained, hissing when he finally settled within in a torturous pace.

"s-so what, hm?" you stuttered, still adjusting to his thickness, making him chuckle at your attitude.

"so I think about it everytime I'm not thinking about dating you." baekhyun hummed, deliberately patient with his thrusts as he watched your facial expressions. "I love picturing us together for real, even when all I've seen is you like this... like..." he trailed off, closing his eyes to keep composure.

"like...?" you coaxed, meeting his hips halfway in a lazy manner.

"like a goddess." he murmured lowly, his dark eyes completely fixated on the way your face reacted to pleasure.

you only pushed your hand to his chest to stop his shallow thrusts and sat back with unhurried movements. you stared at him with intent to make sure he knew what you felt in the moment, finally taking off your skirt and crop top, then sprawling yourself on his bed, naked under his eyes for the first time tonight.

"then why don't you love me like one...?" your voice murmured in honest desire, your legs high as you exposed your center to him, bewitching baekhyun.

the suddenness of his next thrust caught both of you off guard, with a deep moan being ripped from his throat as he was, once again, completely enveloped by you. your legs wrapped around his waist as his body shuddered uncontrollably, the intensity of the sensation as big as ever.

"you little minx..." baekhyun grunted as he steadied his breath, pounding you against his bed in a way that made you cry out numerous curses, fighting for composure.

"I love that I can make you speechless." he whispered, rolling his hips repeatedly. and if you thought it was hard to keep your head clear amidst everything, it was ever harder for him. feeling your grip around him in a continuous pulse.

"not my fault your cock fits so perfectly." you choked, making him grin in a surge of satisfaction.

"and it's all yours." he murmured, his teeth finding your pulse point once again as he slowed his thrusts in a manner that accentuated the depth of his movements. "do you like it like this, doll? can you feel me like this, hm?"

you'd swear you'll kill him for this, for teasing you like this, but the only thing you could ever do right now is respond in a way that could appease both of your fires. even if it sounded pathetic. "th—there... right there...!"

baekhyun smiled against your neck, his body responding to your words.

"here...?" he asked, repeating the motion, his hips circling against yours in a deep, deliberate motion, his body rubbing against yours in all the right places.

when he picked up the pace again, your hands went behind you in an attempt to achor yourself, trying to grab his headboard, but failing. baekhyun noticed and hummed, leaning back to watch your face with a small sheen against his temples, "hold onto me," his voice rough and ragged while his body continued in a fast, hard movement. "hold onto me, angel. I got you..."

even in your light minded state, you still replied, worried, "I'll scratch you..." with a breathy voice amidst pants.

"I don't care. scratch me, bite me. do whatever you need, but hold onto me." he rumbled roughly.

at a certain rough thrust, you cried out, digging your long nails on his broad back in a way that surely marked him. baekhyun hissed, the counterpoint of the pain making him go delirious as he kept whispering praises on your ear.

"I can't— can't take it much longer...!" you whimpered, feeling your tight coil extremely close to snap for the third time that night. he wasn't very far, either.

"I can feel it, angel. let—" he moaned, "let it go for me, I'm right there with you."

baekhyun grabbed you thighs securely, looking up at your face as you asked "together...?", making him nod his head.

"together," he panted, "let yourself go and come with me. I got you."

with guttural sounds from him, you silently screamed while tugging his hair and back, feeling both of your releases hit intensely. baekhyun cursed loudly, drawing out both your orgasms as he filled you up again, shaking with aftershocks on top of you.

there was a moment of mutual comfort in the silence that follow, both of you uncaring for how long you actually spent with him inside of you, since he settled beside your body, holding you close.

"you know I'll do anything..." baekhyun hummed in your hair, nuzzling your neck as you stared at the ceiling, finding his face in a soft, confused hum.

he knew it could sound repetitive to you, but he just had to say it again. and a part of you likes it. a lot.

"for you to be mine." the way he spoke your name afterwards felt good, sending shivers from inside of your body.

he raised his head to look at you, locking your gazes in a silent understanding with serious, but pleading eyes.

"say yes." he told you, fixed on the way you raked his sculpted face. the way his moles adorned his features.

"you'll never let this go, hm?" you grinned, looking down in more comfort than you'd expect.

"no." baekhyun said, with a clear tone that made you look back at him with shy eyes as he continued.

"I'm never letting you go."

#baekhyun #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun angst #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun imagine #exo #exo smut #exo imagines #exo fanfic #exo scenarios #writings #baekhyun car #divider by miuji #my second fic!!

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prime-adeptus · 2 days ago

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The Hand That Feeds

“If being with me only brings you pain, then just put up with this for three more days.” Or, the stages you go through during those three days.

PAIRING.⠀Xia Yizhou | Caleb x Reader

CONTENT.⠀female reader | spoilers for Caleb's story | angst, brief manipulation, drugging is briefly mentioned, implied toxic behaviour (per canon), medical issues (source: i made it up), mental instability, mentions of blood and violence, mentions of suicide and self-sabotage, splitting (reader has BPD), unreliable narrator. | ~6,8k words

A/N.⠀sooooooooo I've been playing Love and Deepspace..... the brainrot got so bad I've written over five thousand words in two days. this is a bit more of an exploration on the emotional/psychological end, so I'm sorry about the lack of romance!

available on AO3 | reblogs and comments are always appreciated!

1. DENIAL

Caleb never breaks his promises.

It’s been that way since you were little kids. In thunderstorms, he promised to keep you safe, and he did. On gloomy days, he promised to be your light, and he did. In the rain, he promised to shield you, and he did. He never lies. He always picks up the phone. He never misses any important dates. He always catches you and never lets you fall. That was the Caleb you knew years ago.

Now, he’s much more different than the scrappy young boy with missing teeth and plasters on his skin that he used to be. This Caleb is tall, imposing, domineering. His uniform puts emphasis on his coldness. He is the embodiment of power, but just like he promised you when you were ten, he’d use his power to protect you. You’d trust him with your life, because deep down, you know that he won’t make you regret it.

You’re more than capable of protecting yourself. Years of training at the academy and another handful of years as a hunter has shaped you to be your own defence. Calluses and scars litter your skin, painting them with texture and molding you into a unique sculpture. With each year that passes, you grow out of the same scared little girl you used to be, but you can never get rid of fear completely. Loud noises still send you jumping out of your skin. You still fear death no matter how familiar it’s become. You worry about growing old and fading out of existence, leaving behind vulnerable people who’ll lose you for good.

The past years have not been kind. Fate has put you in all sorts of situations to test your might and willpower, forcing you to be the fearless woman you were meant to be. You’ve passed turbulent times, cried alone as your mind tells you you’re going insane. You’ve stayed at home for days, hiding away from the rest of the world as you contemplate your self-worth and utility. It drains you, bleeds you dry, but for you, there is no time to rest. Life goes on. You must always keep moving no matter how wounded you become.

With Caleb, it doesn’t feel like it has to be that way.

He’s always taken care of you very well, making sure you get enough rest and remember to eat no matter how stressed you become, but things aren’t the same. You’ve grown and so has he. And yet, he’s still the very same boy you grew up with—one who cares for you, one who loves you for you, and one who’ll always have your back. You’re not familiar with giving yourself a break, having been living in a routine of discipline for over a decade of your life, but you find that it’s a nice change. It’s the instrumental break of a song, it’s the beach on a sunny day. It’s gentle breezes caressing your skin and it’s layers of padlocks broken, letting you out of the cage you’ve built for yourself.

For once, you can let yourself relax and be taken care of the way you’ve always been. But as the storm rages on, it all comes crashing down, and you find yourself falling apart.

The anxiety that had come with your initial arrival at Skyhaven never left. It simmers at the pit of your stomach, creeps into your veins and wraps its tendrils around you, dragging you into a cold abyss of apprehension and fear. Being away from Linkon City isn’t doing you any favours. You don’t know anyone here aside from Caleb. There isn’t a place to go or people to talk to. The likelihood of you being in danger is low, but it’s not impossible, and the storm outside does nothing to help your current state. The power has gone out, leaving you in a wide, dark and empty complex where the only illumination comes from the lights on the skyline.

The recent events are still heavy on your mind, too. Of him tending to the gash on your leg, of him restraining you with his Evol. You don’t think you’ve been that scared since that day in the interrogation room. You remember it vividly: the dimness of that room, the collar he’d placed upon your neck, or the tension in the air while you struggled to get yourself back to reality. It felt like you were in a dream. But then the lights came on and he spoke, and he was no longer the Farspace Fleet Colonel—he was your Caleb.

Your nails have become brittle from how much you’ve been biting on them. You’ve been pacing around the place, trying to call him time and time again only to get no response. With a frustrated sob, you toss your phone onto the sofa and collapse to your knees, tears streaming down your face in rivulets. As much as you’d like to believe that you aren’t afraid of thunder anymore, tonight proves it all wrong.

All you can hear is the downpour outside. It muffles the sound of the clock ticking, yet it doesn’t tune out the worried voices in your head. It’s nearing midnight—way past your bedtime—but you can’t sleep, not even with the potential ambience of the rain. Your thoughts are racing a mile a minute. Though Caleb usually comes home while you’re asleep, being wide awake now also means you’re too aware—aware that he isn’t home, aware that he’s in danger, aware that he might not ever come home at all. Your phone is nearly dead and the candles have long since gone out. You’re trembling both from fear and frost, his sweater loosely hanging on your frame.

The words ‘lockdown’ and ‘cleanup’ grow more and more distant as the irrational thoughts strengthen in numbers. They say he’s doing this on purpose, that he’s abandoning you for good because of you, that he’s keeping so many things hidden from you because he wants you out of his life. You want to believe they aren’t true, you really do, but your fragility makes you waver in every decision. The urge for violence grows but you do your best to keep yourself grounded, rocking yourself back and forth as your body is wracked by sobs. It’s easier said than done. You don’t know how you can stay afloat when you feel so alone.

Cruel. He’s cruel for leaving you alone for this long. He’s cruel for not responding to you. If he truly cared for you, he wouldn’t make you feel this way. Fear blends into anger as your hands twitch and quiver while you heavily breathe in and out as an attempt to calm down. He promised you this morning that he’ll come home. You just need to trust him. But you’re so scared of everything, feeling like the world is caving in around you as you fall deeper and deeper into the void. The dark makes you feel isolated, suffocated. Briefly, you think of how no one will hear you if you scream in this weather. Not even he can save you. Maybe that’ll be the first and last time he breaks his promise.

You shake your head. You know better than to trust your emotions when the sky gets dark. This will pass, it always does, and Caleb would want you to be strong. With newfound determination, you harshly wipe away your tears with the back of your hand and get up. Your legs slightly wobble from the ache in your knees, but you keep upright. As if sensing your predicament, the rain outside slows down and becomes quieter with each second. The thunder has stopped roaring and the downpour slows to a light shower, its droplets hitting the clear glass of the window panes.

Then, the front door opens. A scream threatens to escape your throat. The emergency lights in the hallway outside show a male silhouette at the door, and when you realise who it is, the grave weight on your shoulders is lifted. Relieved, you run into him, making him stumble for a moment before supporting you more steadily. You wrap your arms around his neck and cry, quiet whines leaving you. He pulls you close and rubs soothing circles on your back before murmuring a quiet I’m home into your ear.

How could you doubt him like that? Caleb is kind. He’s the best thing to ever happen to you. He never breaks his promises. Whatever anger you harboured for him earlier dissipates into the air just like fog. Still shaken from the blackout and his radio silence, you grab him tightly, the fabric of his coat bunching up in your unrelenting grip. You don’t know what’s wrong with you tonight. You were doing perfectly fine before the storm. You’re mentally berating yourself for letting him see you in such a pathetic state, but you’re too drained and it’s too late to try to hide.

(You’ve never been able to do that with him.)

“I thought you left me,” you whimper, “I—I don’t feel good. I don’t know. I was scared.”

You cling to him like a child. You feel like one, with how weak and emotional and volatile you feel. The sobs slow down into sniffles as he carries you over to your bedroom before taking a seat on the bed and placing you on his lap. His gloved hands comfortingly caress you wherever they can. Guilt sinks into his bones, pulling him deeper than his gravity ever could. The explosion had been out of his control, so had his death, but he can’t ever forgive himself for making you feel like you’d been left behind.

An ugly emotion rears its head, holds him in its jaws. He wraps his arms around you possessively, allowing you to calm down at your pace. You let out a heavy sigh and fall into him, feeling boneless after the meltdown you were in earlier. There are many things you want to say, but none ever slip your tongue. Instead, you let him hold you, let him press soft kisses to your hair, enveloping you in the warmth you had been craving.

“I told you I’d always be by your side,” he finally speaks up after a moment of silence, squeezing your flesh warmly. “I promised you that, remember?”

You don’t make a sound. You shift closer to him, desperate to be closer, close enough to feel like you’ve fused into one. He doesn’t force you to speak. You look up at him, tear-stained cheeks glimmering under the moonlight, helpless and afraid yet so loving and elated. He shushes you softly, lulling you into a relaxed state as he wipes away your tears with his thumbs before cupping the side of your face affectionately.

I’ll always be by your side.

How silly and humiliating of you to have been vulnerable like that. Caleb would never lie to you. He’s right, he always is, and you need to learn to fully trust him again. He never breaks his promises. He won’t start now.

2. ANGER

It started with an excruciating pain in your heart.

Then, it continued with pins and needles striking your limbs, making them feel boneless. Your view blurred and darkened at the sides as static took over your vision, showing you mirrors and streaks of light. Your throat closed up and you clutched at it helplessly, jaw dropping open as you tried to breathe. The world spun and suddenly you collapsed on the ground, motionless and afraid. Waves of panic crashed into you, drenching you in trepidation while your thoughts ran rampant, stacking on top of each other like voices in a crowd.

You hardly registered the muffled shouts and your body being moved as you fell limp. Your head was spinning and you felt like you were falling into coldness—into death—but when you woke up, you found yourself in the medical bay of the Fleet’s aircraft.

The pain in your heart had subsided enough. It still ached and burned, but clarity had returned to your eyes and your limbs no longer felt numb. Your eyelids fluttered open, revealing the fluorescent lights in the ceiling, and it was only then that you heard muted conversations, presumably from those who were taking care of you. You tried to push yourself up, only to be pulled back by something. When you looked down, you found all sorts of cables attached to you and an EKG monitor on your side. Your heart rate was fast and your blood pressure was high. Caleb had come into the medical bay not long after that.

After dismissing the nurses, he’d taken you to his home and decided he’d take care of you himself. Though you weren’t keen on essentially being on house arrest, there was no point in arguing with him. Even if you doubted him sometimes, you knew in your heart that he would never lead you astray. But the way he’s been treating you like a child irks and suffocates you, making you feel like you’re locked in a cramped room.

He talks to you softly and treats you like you’re fragile. You’re several years into your career as a hunter. You’re well in your twenties and more than capable of taking care of yourself or tending to your wounds. As much as you appreciate his concern, it’s starting to feel suffocating. Maybe years of depending on him have made him think you’re useless. He won’t trust you, but he still holds many secrets of his own.

The only conclusion you come to is that he’s hiding something from you, or he’s hiding you.

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing does. How can someone so familiar feel so distant at the same time? You can’t understand his logic or tell what he’s thinking. He always has an explanation for everything, and yet, they never satisfy you at all. The weariness in your system coupled with days of being under quarantine is taking a toll on you. He’d insisted persistently that you stay put while he takes care of everything. It’s not as if it’s his fault, either. No matter how much you want to get back to work—thinking about the backlog you’re going to have to catch up to puts insurmountable anxiety upon your shoulders—you can’t, because your body isn’t cooperating.

It’s not a fever. It’s not a cold. But somehow, you always feel so out of it. It doesn’t even feel like you’re piloting yourself anymore. Suspicion rises in the back of your mind as you think of the medication you’ve been taking every morning. He never told you what they are. What if he’s—

No. He wouldn’t. Caleb isn’t like that.

But what if? You don’t understand him. You don’t know him anymore. Why is he hellbent on keeping you locked up here when you’re already capable of handling things on your own? Burying your face in your hands, you let out a scream of exasperation, feeling as though you’re losing your mind. Why won’t he listen to you? Do you mean anything to him at all?

The door knob twists. You swiftly relax your furrowed brows and turn to him with a small smile as he enters your room. The sun is barely rising, but he already looks wide awake. You can’t help but narrow your eyes suspiciously at the small cup of pills that he’s holding.

The question slips past your tongue before you realise it. “What have you been giving me?”

Caleb stops in his tracks, brows raised in surprise. Something flickers in his eyes, but the calm expression remains on his features. He moves closer and places what he’s holding on the table, only to pause in his movements again.

“You didn’t finish dinner?”

“Caleb. What have you been giving me?” you ask again, your hands beginning to tremble. Your thoughts are running rapidly, alarms of urgency ringing in your head and adding on to your anxiety. You need answers. You need to know everything.

He takes a seat on the stool next to your bed with a sigh. “I’m hurt you don’t trust me, pipsqueak.”

“Then what’s wrong with me?” You clench your fists, knuckles turning white from the pressure you’re exerting. “Why won’t you let me go?”

“You had a protocore-induced heart attack. Your body is still recovering,” he replies easily. You can’t tell if he’s lying or telling the truth. “And Skyhaven’s still under lockdown. It’s not safe for you to be out.”

“Do you think of me that lowly?” Aggravation drips off of your tone as your voice starts to waver, a familiar sting spreading behind your nose and tears springing up to your eyes. “Do you think I’m still a little kid?”

“It’s not that. I’m just worried about you.”

Your voice rises in volume. It’s getting harder to keep your anger in control.

“If Skyhaven’s so dangerous, why won’t you let me go back?”

“Because you can’t. No one goes in or goes out during this lockdown. I’m sorry,” he says. It’s quick and meant to shoot you down. You want to scream, to break something, anything, but you can’t. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I’m protecting you.”

You gnaw on the inside of your cheek, irritated at his responses. There’s no point in arguing with him, you realise. Caleb’s stubbornness knows no bounds at times. You take your hand back and look away with an indignant huff. You know you’re acting like a child. Grandma would be disappointed if she saw your state now. But you’re frustrated, you’re anxious, you’re alone and you just want to go home—

“Leave. I don’t wanna see you,” you spit, stubbornly staring at the window. Then, an unknown fear seeps into your veins, causing you to soften just the slightest. “I don’t want us to fight, Caleb.”

“We’re not fighting.” He crouches down in front of you and takes your hand into his before giving it a warm squeeze. “But you have to try and understand me.”

You don’t want to. You don’t want to see his face, don’t want to hear his voice, don’t want anything to do with him. Ignoring him, you get up the chair and return to your room, closing the door behind you with a loud slam. The sound makes you flinch. Unwanted memories slowly fade into the reel of your mind. Aggravated, you lock the door and sit down, pulling your knees close to your chest as your jaw clenches.

You don’t know what you want. A part of you wants him to come in and apologise, to let you do what you want. Another part of you wants him to just leave you alone. But when there’s only silence, you find yourself breaking into sobs again, feeling like you’ve been abandoned. He’s mad at you. He’s going to make you leave and say that he’s just giving you what you wanted. Guilt creeps into your heart as the realisation that you’re doubting him dawns on you. He’s been so kind to you since the little stunt you pulled to get yourself here. He’s letting you walk freely. He’s letting you stay in his home.

But he’s not listening to you, he’s ignoring you, and it makes you feel as though you’re just a speck of dust in his eyes. Your emotions rage as a tempest in your mind that destroys everything in its wake. A scream of exasperation leaves your lips as you hold your head in your hands, trying to catch your breath.

I’ll always be by your side.

What a liar.

3. BARGAINING

It feels as though the sands of time are allowing the particles to fall one at a time into the bottom of the hourglass.

Time is moving slowly, almost as if it’s stuck in place, and hearing the sound of the clock ticking every time you’re ‘home’ is starting to drive you mad. It’s hard not to zero in on Caleb when he is all you have here. You’ve contemplated sending Tara and Zayne some messages to let them know that you’re fine, just staying with a friend. For some odd reason, the messages never get delivered. Assuming your phone’s just broken, you haven’t picked it up since. As a result, there’s not much to do in your free time outside of chores or breaking down, and it’s tearing you apart.

Maybe he’ll rethink his choices if you get hurt on purpose, you think with a bitter grimace. It’s hard to believe that his consideration for you, something you used to adore, now felt like chains holding you down. He might as well have left the collar on your neck. Anger, betrayal, guilt, and shame. Your mind has become a tempest of despondence and pessimism destroying every rational thought in its path. You want to scream and punch the wall. You want to hurt something. You need to destroy something. Your self-control is hanging by a thread and the stubbornness is beginning to feel childish, silly.

Regrettably, Caleb is right. The Farspace Fleet is still working on cleanup amid this lockdown, not allowing anyone to go in or out. Leaving Skyhaven isn’t an option anymore. You don’t know what you feel anymore, either. You’re stuck here with a curfew whether you like it or not, and your unfamiliarity with the place leaves you at a severe disadvantage. Though you’re not exactly a drinker, your mind wanders to how you’d feel if you were too drunk to think of anything. You don’t care. You don’t know what you want anymore.

Some days, you feel angry at him and think he’s the devil. Some days, you appreciate him and think he’s a gift sent by the heavens. The lack of a middle ground constantly leaves you teetering on the verge of falling on either end. But now—now you feel nothing at all. You’re numb, indifferent, and it perplexes you because you still feel so bad. You think you’re a walking contradiction or a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Caleb has dealt with you for years without a single word of complaint. You’re taking him for granted, says the voice in your head. You need to keep him.

You harshly slap yourself on the face to snap out of it, bringing yourself back to the present.

The skyline glimmers in the distance. Red and white lights speed by on the road and the billboards are as lively as ever. Nightlife enjoyers are undoubtedly in good spirits as they travel from bar to bar. Tara must still be awake watching her favourite show, and Zayne is surely still working late at the hospital. You want to hear their voices and be in their presence even if it’s just for a few minutes. There’s a weight pulling at your heart as your mind wanders to Linkon City. To your real home.

The walls of what you thought was a gorgeous home is starting to remind you of the interrogation room you were in. It feels drab, lifeless. There isn’t much evidence within the home itself that there are people living here in the first place. The little OTTO robot he built for you stays in the corner, lifeless as well. You absentmindedly tap your fingers against the surface of the couch as you stare into the glow of the television. Even the commercials that are meant to be fun and exciting feel fake. The programme continues, returning to the scheduled film of the night.

It’s late at night and you can’t sleep. You’re up later than you’d usually be. Caleb isn’t home yet, rendering you beyond aware of the fact that you’re home alone, and anxiety lurks around you at every corner. Your pistols rest on the spot beside you as a precaution. With what has been transpiring since you stepped foot in Skyhaven, anything is possible. It’s strange how paranoid you’ve become over the past couple of days. You should feel safe here, you should feel safe with him being the Colonel himself, but you don’t.

“—concerned about you. He said he thinks you might try to kill yourself.”

Your gaze drifts over to the pistols. An image of your blood pooling beneath your head as you lie limp on the ground flashes before your eyes. You imagine how he’d react to your death. Will he care? Will it devastate him? Will he regret how he’s been treating you? Strangely enough, the gruesome thought doesn’t bother you as much as it used to when you were younger. Violence comes with your job as a hunter, even if it’s not inflicted upon humans. Death is no stranger. It’s more familiar than you’d like it to be. You’ve been lured by it a couple of times in your childhood, seen mangled bodies and frozen corpses in your lifetime.

You’ve gone from craving death to being afraid of it, and yet here you are, contemplating it just like you did when you were fifteen.

Tara used to tell you not to believe your thoughts when it’s dark. You desperately want to, but it feels as though your brain won’t allow it. You’re tired and lonely. You miss home. You grieve for a man that is still alive. A long time has passed—people are constantly changing. He’s not the same man you were eating dinner with at Gran’s house. This is a man who has been through death himself, weighed down by his never-ending burdens and responsibilities, and you sink deeper into your guilt as you realise how unreasonable you’ve been.

You try to separate every thought again. Caleb is protective of you because he’s known you for most of his life and you’re the closest person to him. He put you under strict supervision because he’s worried you’ll be in danger without him to protect you. He treated you like a child, making you feel as though he doesn’t trust you. Your outburst halted everything and is slowly destroying your relationship inside and out. It all feels so monumental, so much bigger than you can handle, and you can’t help but feel defeated.

You have two options: continue this game of who can make the silent treatment last longer, or apologise to him and gain his forgiveness. It eats away at you either way. With apologising, you don’t even know where to begin; he’s never been mad at you nor has he ever raised his voice at you. He always tells you that everything is going to be okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

It’ll pass, is what he would say to you. And I’ll be here with you.

But when you have already destroyed everything with your bare hands, who will be there to rebuild it with you?

You haven’t prayed to a god in years. Prayers and rituals don’t work on you, you think, and so it’s not worth the time or effort. But as your eyes slowly close, you pray to whatever celestial being listens to you—give him back. You’ll never do it again.

4. DEPRESSION

Another day of silence passes and plunges you further into the pool of fear and helplessness.

Caleb hasn’t spoken a word to you. Not once. He still prepares your meals, leaves you notes, but he doesn’t utter a single word. You grow more restless by the minute. He’s angry with you. He’s just too nice to tell you upfront. Anxiety makes you avoid him, afraid of what he’ll do or how he’ll react. He doesn’t stop you from going out anymore, either. You’ve been spending your time outside his home, distracting yourself with whatever activity you can find on the streets. For the first few hours, the newfound freedom made you feel on top of the world, but it didn’t last.

Him stepping back should make you feel happy and relieved. Instead, the claws of despair pull you in closer and closer to its maw. You return home after a day out to complete silence. The floorboards would creak beneath your feet, waiting for someone to break the stillness, only for there to be nothing. When you wake up in the morning, Caleb leaves behind nothing but the remnants of his cologne in the air, small proof that he was home. The smell used to comfort you. Now, it makes you feel lonelier, because it’s not enough.

It feels like you’re losing him in real time. You’ve retreated so far into the corner that you’re fading into the background as the world continues on without you. You see him walking farther and farther away from you, disappearing into the crowd as he leaves you standing in the midst of it all. The thought of him leaving your life gnaws at you, puts you into a spiral of loneliness. You wanted this, didn’t you? For him to leave you alone?

Then why do you feel like you’ve been abandoned?

The stark reminder of his absence claws at your heart. You barely see him at home and it feels like you’re lost at sea, drifting away from the shore with each wave that the ocean carries. Getting out of bed feels like a monumental task. Your limbs feel heavy as if you’re being held back by a ball and chain. And you’re exhausted, even with the hours upon hours of sleeping and locking yourself away in your room, too tired to live. A part of you tells you you’re overreacting. You don’t even remember what had upset you in the first place, but you know one thing—

You don’t want him to go.

Being an adult comes with doing things you don’t want to do or are too afraid to do. This is just one of them. You’ll apologise to him with low expectations so you don’t break your heart, but you’ll fall into euphoria if he forgives you. He’s looking out for you. It’s not his fault.

It’s yours.

You remember times in your childhood when he’d come get you after school with your favourite popsicle split in half, one for you and one for him. He’d ask about your day and his eyes twinkled with genuine interest as he listened to you go on and on about every detail that happened. The walk back home was always filled with joy. He feels like a distant memory, an echo of the past, and you wonder if he’s the one who changed or if it’s you.

Whoever it is, what was an unbreakable bond had shattered to pieces, and it was all by your own hand.

Self-hatred burns through you. You wish you were different. You wish you weren’t the way you are, so flawed and broken beyond repair. You wish you were like other women, those who are always on top of their game and strong no matter what life throws at them. Without realising it, you’ve already given up on yourself. You’re no longer loved by him; you’re an enemy, a monster, and the thought plagues your being.

The feeling of unworthiness lingers in your chest, a constant ache that wears down the edges of every thought. You remember the person you used to be with him before the explosion. Optimistic, hard-working, hopeful. She feels like a stranger now, like someone you used to know who left your life without saying anything. The weight of it all—the distance, the guilt, the silence—is becoming unbearable. He is slipping out of your grasp, ready to leave you as a memory of the past, and you’re falling further back. He is swimming to the surface while you are sinking deeper into vast nothingness, surrounded by the unknown.

You wonder what he feels when he looks back at you. Is it pity, or is it resentment?

Or does he hardly feel anything at all?

The door opens, stopping your train of thought. You stagger up to your feet, quietly making your way to the entrance with your hands folded in front of you. Caleb’s eyes meet yours and you falter for a moment, every word you’ve rehearsed in your head going forgotten as time seems to be at a standstill. You muster up a smile, doing a little wave at him.

“Welcome home,” you say, your voice barely louder than a whisper.

He returns with a smile of his own. “Thanks.”

You want to say something, anything, but no words come out; you don’t know where to begin with them. Instead, you stand there and smile awkwardly, completely lost and insecure. Your smile feels fake. You know he knows it is. It’s a façade you’re using to hide the turbulence within you. Caleb’s smile is polite and you want to run into his arms and tell him everything you’ve been feeling. Your heart drops when he looks away from you, ready to leave to attend to his own affairs.

“I’ll just, um, go,” you chuckle nervously. “Sorry, you must be busy. I’ll see you around.”

Reluctantly, you withdraw and return to your room, shutting the door with a quiet click. Drained, you fall to the ground and bury your face in your hands, frustration oozing off of you in waves. Was that a good sign? Or was he faking his friendliness just to get you off his back? He doesn’t seem angry, but you’ve also never seen him angry. Anxiety harrows you as you stare at the ground, mind racing with what feels like thousands of possibilities. You wish he was easier to read. How can you know someone for so long but know nothing about them at all?

You ball your hands into fists and tremble, tears streaming down your cheeks before you can stop them. You’re falling behind. He’s already on the path to moving on but you’re still stuck in your spot, hopelessly wishing he’d turn back and ask if you want to try again. This fight—the one with him, the one with yourself—feels daunting. You’re but a frail little thing facing off with something grand and monumental. It towers over you, cloaks you in its shadow, emphasising the fact that you are nothing compared to it.

The world is quiet, and as you sit gazing upon your opponent, you start to wonder if this fight was even yours to win at all.

5. ACCEPTANCE

Before you know it, it’s the night before the promised third day.

You were lucky enough to be able to have breakfast with Caleb this morning. It felt tense and awkward, but he still maintained the conversation so effortlessly as if your outburst never happened at all. He left for work with a simple kind smile and told you to stay safe if you do go out. Even while you’re being unreasonable, he still has your best interests at heart, and the fact that your tantrum is lasting this long humiliates you to no end.

You spent the day out at the shopping district. The city was vibrant with the hustle and bustle in its streets and pedestrians. You heard laughter and chatter, joy that was spreading among people and their friends, and you’d never felt more alone. Even in a place swimming with people, you still felt so isolated like you were just a speck of dust. Eventually, your surroundings became white noise, and time went by like a blur. It felt as if someone else was taking control over your body. You numbly went through each stall searching for souvenirs to bring back to your loved ones back in Linkon City, spending away without hesitation.

When the sun began its descent, you made your way back with several bags of new items in hand. You’d gone over budget, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. For a moment, you were completely fine, free from the crushing weight of the world on your shoulders. Returning to Caleb’s place took away the momentary lightheartedness and replaced it with something devastatingly hollow. You moved on autopilot, stepping into the shower and taking off your makeup, changing into more comfortable clothes.

When you were done, you sat in the living room and watched whatever was playing on the television, its audio turning into background noise as you drifted away with your musings. Before you knew it, it was dark outside, and Caleb was back home. You parted your lips to say welcome back, but he had entered his room before you could call for him. Awkwardly, you returned to the television and fidgeted with your hands, nervousness entering your system the longer he was gone.

It seems to be a peaceful time for Skyhaven tonight. The media representative of the Farspace Fleet had come out to answer whatever rapid fire question the journalists had. Reassuring every citizen, he had said that the cleanup they’ve been doing is gradually wrapping up, and that the lockdown would be lifted soon. With nothing else to worry about for the time being, officers were allowed to return home early, including the Colonel himself.

Caleb reappears in his loungewear and stops to look at you, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows. “I’ll make dinner.”

“Okay,” you reply awkwardly, unsure of what to say. It doesn’t take long before he returns to the living room again, heading for the other end of the couch. Not wanting to disturb him, you leave him to his devices and stare ahead into the television, holding yourself back from looking at him repeatedly. It’s unusual for him to be home early, so you’re equally lost, completely clueless on how to function.

You sneak a glance at him. He’s reading a book, his brows furrowed in concentration as he immerses himself in creativity. He looks peaceful, so undisturbed, and you’re still not sure what to do. Even when you’ve been a brat, he still has your best interests at heart, and the fact that your tantrum has lasted for days humiliates you to no end. His consideration of you nearly brings tears to your eyes but you keep yourself together, not wanting to worry him.

You part your lips to speak only to close them again, frantically trying to come up with a coherent sentence in your head. He looks relaxed, so the chances of him reacting aggressively are low. You know he’d never raise his voice at you, but the paranoia hasn’t left you yet; everything you do needs a safety plan. Biting down on your bottom lip, you stare down at your hands before standing up, nervously wringing your hands behind your back.

Mustering up all the courage you have, you speak up, meekly, “I’m sorry.”

He looks up from his book, brows raised as he watches you in what appears to be confusion. You want to run away and hide, but he deserves this. It’s the least you can do.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry for lashing out. For acting up. It’s just… I’m just…”

He smiles softly, getting up from the couch and walking towards you. Bringing you close for a hug, he presses a soft kiss to your temple and squeezes your frame reassuringly. You melt into his touch, a burning sensation spreading in the centre of your face as your bottom lip quivers. You whine and hide your face in his sweater, desperately holding on to him as if he could disappear at any moment. You’ve already lost him once. You won’t lose him again.

You can’t.

“Please don’t leave me.” Your voice trembles as you speak and sniffle in between words. You grab onto the fabric of his sweater tightly, trying to keep yourself grounded. “I didn’t mean it. I won’t do it again—”

He sighs, content, and pulls you closer to him, letting you cry in his arms. His hand rubs soothing circles on your back as he hums a comforting tune, the same one he used to when you had nightmares as a kid.

“Silly girl,” he says, rocking you side to side. “I’m not gonna leave you.”

No one else will ever do it like him. He’s kind. He cares for you. He stays with you even with your volatility and your flaws. The resentment you’d been harbouring towards him douses you in guilt as you latch on to him, basking in his comfort. He’s only doing this because he cares. The disaster in your mind slowly unwinds and the grating voices that had been plaguing you the past week quiets down.

He gently pulls away and brings his hands up to your cheeks before brushing away your tears with his thumbs, lulling you into a calmer state.

“It’s okay,” he coos. “I promise.”

Finally, you trust him, because he never makes promises he can’t keep.

#*family feud bell* YESSIREE THE MC HAS BPD #this is super self-indulgent I'm sokjafddhkak #shoutout to Trophe who dealt with me freakingn out over this for 2 days #I sat at my desk for hours the past two days rewriting and scrapping because I wanted this to be good #plz send help I've depleted all of my brain juices #Also I put my heart and soul into this so please be nice. Writing and expressing myself is difficult #all #lads #lnds #lads caleb x reader #caleb x reader #lads x reader #lnds x reader #lads spoilers #lads x you #i only beta read this once so if u see any mistakes no u don't

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moonmaiden1996 · 2 days ago

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What do you like best about Sanji and Corazon? 😊

Sanji and Corazon are two incredibly different but equally lovable and beautiful men. These men are given truly tragic backstories, and I genuinely believe they deserve so much love and happiness. I think that’s why I love them so much—because they will do anything to protect those they love, no matter what, and the way they treat you will make even goddess's jealous.

Lets start with the Straw Hat Chef...

Sanji – The Romantic Dreamer

What I love most about Sanji is his unwavering devotion and charm. He’s the kind of man who believes love should be celebrated every single day, and he treats you like royalty because he truly sees you as the most beautiful person in his life.

How Sanji Would Treat You

The Little Things:

Sanji has a knack for noticing the tiniest details about you. He’d know how you like your tea or coffee, the way you smile when the sun hits your face, and the songs that make you happy. He’d show it by bringing you your favorite treat after a long day, saying, “I knew you’d need this, love.”

He’d brush your hair out of your face in the wind, always carrying a handkerchief in case you need it. It’s the small gestures that would make your heart flutter.

His Culinary Love Language:

Cooking is his ultimate way of showing love. Every meal would feel like a masterpiece created just for you. He’d watch you take your first bite with bated breath, then light up when you tell him it’s delicious.

If you’re feeling down, he’d whip up a cozy meal, placing it in front of you with a soft kiss to your temple and a whispered, “Eat up, sweetheart. You deserve to feel as amazing as you are.”

Romantic Gestures:

Sanji would pull you into a dance in the middle of the kitchen, twirling you around as a love song played in his head. His hands would settle on your waist as he gazed into your eyes, saying, “I’m the luckiest man alive to have you in my arms.”

He’d write little notes for you to find throughout the day—tucked in your bag, slipped into a book, or under your pillow. Each one would say something like, “Thinking of you, my love.”

Why I Love Him: Sanji’s love feels like poetry. He’s so genuine in his affection, and he’d make every moment feel special, whether it’s a grand gesture or a quiet evening together. You’d never have to doubt his devotion because he’d show it in everything he does.

Corazon – The Quiet Protector

What I adore most about Corazon is his deep, quiet love. He might not be as outwardly flashy as Sanji, but his actions speak volumes about how much he cares. His awkwardness and soft heart make him so endearing, and you’d always feel safe and cherished by him.

How Corazon Would Treat You

The Gentle Caretaker:

Corazon is the kind of man who’d wrap his coat around you when you’re cold without a second thought, his warm smile reassuring you. “You need it more than I do,” he’d say, even if he’s shivering.

If you were sick, he’d stay by your side, fumbling through making you soup (and probably burning it) but refusing to leave you alone. “I’m not leaving until you feel better,” he’d say, his voice full of determination.

His Thoughtful Acts:

Corazon has a way of remembering the things you care about. He’d bring you flowers, not because it’s a grand romantic gesture, but because he saw them and thought they’d make you smile.

He’d surprise you with little adventures—quiet walks on the beach, visiting a spot he found while on a mission, or stargazing. “I thought you’d like this place,” he’d say, watching your face light up.

His Protective Nature:

Corazon would always put you first, even if it meant risking himself. If he thought you were in danger, he’d shield you without hesitation. Afterward, he’d pull you close and promise, “I’ll always keep you safe.”

When you’re anxious or upset, he’d sit with you quietly, holding your hand or rubbing your back. “Take your time,” he’d whisper, his presence grounding and comforting.

This man will *literally* die to for you

Why I Love Him: Corazon’s love feels like a warm, safe haven. He’s not flashy or over-the-top, but he’d make you feel like the most important person in the world through his unwavering support and quiet tenderness. You’d know you could rely on him no matter what.

I could never pick between these men, they are just so perfect. The would adore you and love you in every single way you need. Also... I am not sure what it says about me when these both smoke...I have no idea if that is a kink or not but thinking of these two is me living my best life so I don't care.

Love this ask! Keep them coming :P Any character..... I. Dare. You!

Like. Comment. Request

#one piece #opla #one piece shanks #opla x reader #one piece sanji #corazon x you #rosinante corazon #donquixote corazon #corazon one piece #one piece rosinante #donquixote rosinante #sanji x reader #sanji #op sanji #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji

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mymoshangthoughts · 1 day ago

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oki oki oki

so i love, you love, and we love the whole "everyone sees moshang except for moshang" thing, bc it's funny to have everyone else be like "ohwow those two idiots dont realize they're married huh"

but like

might i suggest the alternative?

idk i was rereading svsss and like, since the whole thing is basically shen yuan's pov and he's a relatively level headed dude, i can't help but think about the way that he looks at moshang

like, he really doesn't seem to have any idea that moshang could be a thing. from his pov, shang qinghua/airplane is a sniveling backstabbing asshole who gets what deserves and deserves quite a bit more thwacks and mobei jun is just kinda... there. like even after knowing shang qinghua for YEARS and being fairly close people who can confide in one another, shen yuan seems pretty fucking shocked when airplane jumps off a cliff to save mobei jun. from his pov, it's almost random. like "huh wow that is the weirdest thing i've seen all week, and airplane is NORMALLY very weird so like... huh???"

now by the time the airplane extras occur, shen yuan DOES seem to have some idea of moshang with his whole "youre just waiting for him to apologize and keep beating you" thing, but again, might i point you to the YEARS it took him to get to that point. having to see shang qinghua literally pull a death defying stunt to save mobei jun's life before he sees even a glimmer of moshang

like, when they were working on the mushroom together, they clearly spent a long time with each other. they had to travel together, they had to come up with plans together, they also likely just had social visits bc being the only other transmigrator in a world that is so fucking weird would definitely drive up a certain level of honesty and companionship

now again, shen yuan is lowkey the sort of guy who's like "i dont see gay themes even when they're reeeeaaalllyy obvious", especially with relation to himself (dont get me started on how one of my least fav mxtx themes, after the blatant crummy treatment of female characters, is the whole "im not GAY, gay is WEIRD, im gay FOR YOU, thats DIFFERENT" which winds up reflecting as internalized homophobia their protags), so it's possible that moshang is obvious to everyone who isnt shen yuan.

BUT I CONTEND THE OPPOSITE

as ive expressed before, i love "mobei jun is just fucking weird, demon courting isnt like that" headcanons, so what if no one knows what the fuck is happening between moshang. like they're just this super weird mismatched combination of people that everyone just kinda tilts their head at like "...huh, wouldnt expect to see those two together but whateves" and then proceed to not fucking care to know the answer

shang qinghua seems to have kept a purposeful emotional distance from... everyone (likely due to the whole "haha everyone here is gonna fucking DIE someday" thing) and as said above, even after years of a relationship with shen yuan, he doesn't seem to have talked about mobei jun to him much (who is, by airplane's own admission, the most important person to him in this world considering he's the only person that had airplane going "i mean... maybe i dont push the go home button?"). so no one really seems to give a fuck who he's hanging out with bc he's not exactly out here making friends

and mobei jun, i contend, is a weirdo outcast who does not know how to socialize bc his uncle is a dick LOL. also his father. and also his childhood. and other demons tend to look at him and go "fucking weird man... i think he keeps a human pet?? kinda weird but w/e, the emperor is into necrophilia so /shrug/"

so like, maybe if anyone paid attention to them, they might notice the signs of moshang, but because most people kinda dismiss them, no one knows

I CONTEND THAT THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES KNOW IS LUO BINGHE THO

mostly because i find it FUCKING HILARIOUS but also bc i like to think luo binghe's whole "youre not used to his lil human pet yet? he brings it everywhere smh get over yourself" thing was luo binghe's way of being a wingman lmfao. he wont actually help or offer advice or do anything USEFUL, but he'll allow them to hang out when he has every ability to separate them LOL and i think that's funny

altho i still like the idea of luo binghe ALSO not knowing that moshang is a thing pfff. but having him know also amuses me.

ANYWAY ONTO THE ACTUAL APPLICATION INTO MOSHANG IDEAS

now the use in modern au's goes without saying. the good ol' "wait, THOSE TWO ARE A THING?!" coming from everyone who knows them. as an example, some form of workplace romance and even tho moshang can always be seen together in the office, because they dont seem to get along and no one cares, everyone is just like "shrug, they have a project together idc". like they're more likely to think that shang qinghua and shen yuan are dating bc at least those two have secretive meetings and have been caught, more than once, talking about sex. then one day shang qinghua shows up to work with the biggest rock on his finger pfff and mobei jun has a matching wedding band or someshit and everyone is shocked. or even better, some of the romantic pre-relationship stuff starts happening at the office but it's all stuff that's kinda easily misunderstood. and since no one would guess THOSE TWO together romantically, they just come up with any other plausible explanation. "why did mobei jun send shang qinghua flowers? idk, maybe his mom died. should we send him flowers too?" its not even a 'it couldnt be THAT', it's a straight up 'THAT never even crossed their minds for a second' until it gets really fucking ridiculous lololol then mobei jun and shang qinghua are applying for the same days off and mu qingfeng in HR is like "oki what for" and has to NOT do a spit-take when the two of them are like "our wedding" or someshit lolol

LOOK I JUST THINK IT'S VERY FUNNY

now as for the post-canon application, i still find this IMMENSELY amusing. for the sake of my amusement, im also choosing to interpret shen yuan's "you just want an apology" statement to have been given without imagining that the two of them might like-like each other. he's just being dismissive because airplane is fucking weird. like "look, idk why you are into role-playing as a humble servant and idk if i wanna know, actually, i definitely dont wanna know. you two clearly dont even like each other but you're in some weird co-dependent mess of a... friendship? friendship seems like a strong word. point being, get out of my house"

no one has the slightest clue about moshang's feelings for one another (except maybe binghe lolol) and they are REALLY not ready for when suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, shang qinghua is sending in his two weeks notice for an ding peak bc "oh im the northern consort now lol" and everyone is trying to just understand WHEN and HOW

like people straight up being like "is this a prank? i feel like im being pranked?" and others like "oh they might have gotten like... fake married? is this an insurance scam? hmm"

and basically for the first time ever people are really trying to understand and think about moshang bc they are SO FUCKING CONFUSED. there are betting pools over what the REAL REASON behind this CLEARLY fake marriage is. luo binghe has put his bet on "they're actually in love and fr married" and people SCOFF. he's the only one betting that and wow, the demon emperor is clearly blinded by his own weird relationship and cant see that NORMALLY this sort of relationship would NEVER happen

(actually this could apply for modern au too pff whateves, im jsut having fun here)

inquiring minds just being like "shang qinghua, blink twice if you're being threatened, we can get you out of there". demons out here like "we should prrobabblyy find the cure for whatever potent love-poison that creepy lil human slipped into mobei jun's drink, or maybe a mind-control plant?"

stuck on whether i want moshang to be utterly oblivious to everyone elses skepticism bc they're just on their happy lil honeymoon stage or if i want them to find the confusion Deeply amusing.

moshang get-together being dramatic but not bc either of them are oblivious, just bc there are communication issues pff. theres no "i love you" "but you CANT love me" drama, instead its "i love you" "oh shit SWEET, lemme hop on your dick". i like the idea of moshang only struggling to understand one another when the pair of them are holding the other at arms length (mobei jun being a tsundere and airplane out here like "getting attached and taking things srsly IS THE ENEMY") but whenever theres like, a clear statement of intent, they're quick to let go of misunderstandings and just get on with it. now while i favor this interpretation of their characters, i find it PARTICULARLY funny in au's like this! bc it also means that the pair of them learned to understand all of their weird behavior as well. so they're still fucking weird around each other, so people really dont believe this is real. mobei jun is still just as likely to yeet shang qinghua into a death cave and shang qinghua is just as likely to literally hug mobei jun's thighs while pleading for mercy. it doesnt LOOK like a loving relationship to anyone with eyes LOL (not to say that they dont grow and treat each other better, but just having a deeper understanding of one another means they dont change behavior 100%)

which actually isnt why i find it funny lol, i just enjoy the subversion of expections. rather than moshang being oblivious to the point of mind-numbing hair pulling stupidity, it's the rest of the world x'D and then it's just moshang casually proving that nah, they're for real, and yep, they're super in love, to an increasingly confused audience

this could work really well in a celebrity au now that i think about it LOL bc celebs so frequently have fake relationships and hidden relationships and all that sort of weird shit and people love to speculate about it online. so just everyone being like "calling it right fucking now, this relationship is a publicity stunt" and literally NO ONE believes they're for real, even years into it LOL. im actually usually a person who really doesnt care for celebrity au's but tbh this prompt fits so well for that, so im sold

but it goes beyond just fans speculating online. even fellow coworkers are like "huh, weird choice of publicity stunt" and dont believe for one fucking second that moshang is actually happening. oki yeah im sold

shang qinghua - famous author turned screenwriter (does some directing and he's actually pretty good at it, has a cult following, but mainly he sticks to writing. he doesnt need that kind of stress in his life LOL). he's finally reached a sort of financial stability with his work, but he hasnt broken the habit of doing whatever the audience wants because "I DONT WANNA FUCKING STARVE BRO", and he's generally disheartened when his works that he puts his sincere vision into have a tendency to be SIGNIFICANTLY less popular

mobei jun - actor, specially known for stunts and action movies. doesnt actually have any history of scandals, other than it's known that he's kinda hard to work with. just kinda cold and distant. THERE ARE some lowkey scandals with his family tho. he's definitely a nepo baby of the industry and his uncle and father dont have clean reputations. mobei jun normally keeps a pretty big distance away from them so he's kinda like, in the splash zone but not dragged in.

shen yuan - long time fan of shang qinghua's work, even back when the hack of an author was just posting web novels, his favorite insult is to call him a sell-out bc very often his deepest criticisms of shang qinghua's works are clearly choices made for money. as an example, a perfectly directed film that he wrote and nearly brought shen yuan to tears and quickly became his favorite movie EXCEPT theres fucking product placement in NEARLY EVERY FUCKING SCENE and sometimes it makes the movie fucking UNWATCHABLE. anyway, shen yuan runs the fansite for shang qinghua and is a LITTLE BIT OBSESSED with his works, but still has a love/hate relationship with the whole thing

luo binghe - pop idol who sometimes does acting work. he's known as an all-around talent. his acting is just as good as his singing, if not better, and basically everything he tries to do is wildly successful and genuinely fucking good. he's insanely popular to a scary degree (shen yuan is only familiar with his work bc he's acted in some of qinghua's movies and sometimes qinghua uses his music, shen yuan has an overall favorable impression of the celebrity but no obsession. mostly a "oh nice, that actor is really good, that and THAT HACK AUTHOR directing is sure to make this a must-watch movie" type of fanning)

liu qingge - stunt man and martial artist. he's not crazy famous, he's more like "if you're really into martial arts, you've definitely heard of him" or "if you're really into stunt work, you've heard of him" famous. but if you don't have those special interests, you have no idea. he MIGHT look faintly familiar to you, but you're unlikely to put a name to the face

shen jiu - actor, many scandals, SO MANY SCANDALS. he's very successful, infamously difficult to work with, has so many accusations hurled at him (and a majority of them are true) that when you hear "omg did you hear abt shen jiu" the answer is "ohyeah, the red-light district thing?" and the reply to that is "nonono, that was LAT MONTH, im talking abt the abuse allegations that came out yesterday!" and so on and so forth. shen jiu is a hot fucking mess and the industry has NOT helped him one bit. he has the money and power to get away with being his worst self and he Does Not Fucking Care (he cares so fucking much, he's literally burning from the inside out)

yue qingyuan - childhood friends with shen jiu, kind of accidentally being an enabler of shen jiu's spiral to hell. he's a producer and he's very successful and he keeps paving the way for shen jiu to continue getting work and help to bury scandals and basically the dude is trying his best, but he really should be putting his foot down and sending his friend to rehab instead of helping him like this

sha hualing - actress, does her own stunts, very temperamental. difficult to work with in that she's a bit (a lot) of a loose canon. she's hyper capable though and VERY popular. not a ton of scandals other than some violent behavior. she's also very good at dancing, basically anything that involves moving her body, she excels. her and mobei have totally starred in action movies together where theyre basically "hot beefy action hero and sexy badass love interest". they have a casual frenemy relationship

liu mingyan - average fanfiction writer, huge fan of rpf. she is relatively untouched by her brothers fame and intends to keep it that way. that said, she's more than happy to utilize the gossip that her brother sometimes brings home to implement as 'headcanons' into her fanfics >:D she does not tell her brother about this pfff. she also does martial arts and she's very good, but she has no desire to pursue fame. the closest she gets to it is sometimes watching her brother on a set (while secretly paying attention to everyone else for rpf bait LOL). she is not a fan of the whole moshang thing because it separates her otp (mobing for life!) and she's also convinced that its CLEARLY fake

mu qingfang - doctor, just a normal doctor, no fame involved. but his guilty pleasure is that he enjoys looking at celebrity gossip while on break. it's just a very lowkey sort of cathartic drama that he has no stakes in and helps him destress from his very stressful job. he mostly just lurks, but he's been known to write the occasional comment if he feels he has some useful insight to contribute

ning yingying - over-worked office lady. she wanted to be a pop idol when she was younger but it just wasnt in the cards. now she just enjoys getting a little parasocially invested in celebrity gossip, ESPECIALLY around luo binghe bc she's a. a mega fan. b. they were actually classmates in highschool. she's a fierce defender of his online and also one of those people who gets kinda offended by rpf bc "HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT" but also hypocritically will read every single "rpf character x reader" fanfic she can get her hands on

ming fan - luo binghe's hater online. mostly because he also knew him in highschool and hated the guy and now he's ugly jealous of his success. he likes to spread mean rumors about binghe online, just to blow off some steam. but his stupid obsession with slandering his ex-classmate sort of grew into a genuine interest in celebrity gossip and now he's a bit of an internet troll who's a little too invested in this shit. he's not a complete asshole and there are lines he won't cross, buuut he's also one of those assholes who sorta feels like "its online so it doesnt count if im a huge asshole" and just is his worst self online. he constantly gets in fights with ning yingying online (without knowing its her) about luo binghe. shen yuan sometimes gets involved too bc while he's not huge into the binghe fandom (that place scares him) he IS big on fact checking and whenever ming fan says something OBVIOUSLY false, shen yuan can't help but go in for corrections

qi qingqi - actress, successful, very low drama. she's famous and well liked, no major scandals, just a successful woman with a good career.

zhuzhi-lang - works as his uncles assistant. he keeps track of online drama because its part of his job, sometimes his uncle has him spread rumors online too so he has a few alts that are believable fan accounts for various celebrities.

tianlang-jun - one of those people who's basically famous just for being famous. he has done a bit of everything, but it's mostly that he's a household name that makes him famous. he currently works as a producer because he finds it really fucking funny. but it's anyones guess when he'll get bored of this and flit off to do something else that catches his fancy

su xiyan - model and martial artist. she's mostly famous for her TURBULANT relationship with tianlang-jun. she's skilled at both her crafts and has success, but she has no real ambition for fame. also her career is often held back by the shitty people in her life (her ex-mentor being PRIME among them, the grooming old scumbag). she got pregnant with binghe very early in her career and gave him away for adoption for various reasons. she has a good relationship with his adopted mother, but she's chosen to stay out of binghe's life. tianlang-jun doesn't know binghe is his son LOL

meng mo - thinks of himself as a star-maker, he's luo binghe's manager and has a VERY high opinion of his skills bc he's had a few successful clients. he does however tend to give very bad personal life advice

yang yixuan - one of liu qingge's students. he's only passively aware of celebrity gossip, it's really not his thing, but he is a bit of a mobei jun fan. mostly bc mobei jun does his own stunts and yan yixuan can recognize the skill involved and just thinks the guy is really fucking cool (not more cool than liu qingge OBVIOUSLY but still cool). he's very disappointed to hear abt this clearly fake relationship with shang qinghua, he thought that mobei jun was above all that petty celebrity bullshit of fake relationships and tabloid bait

gongyi xiao - aspiring young actor, overall just a nice guy. no scandals, not really famous yet but he has a promising lil fanbase that is slowly growing. however, he does have a bad habit of answering too honestly while being interviewed which can inadvertently have bad consequences LOL (example: "so what do you think of this moshang thing?" "hm, i mean, it really surprised me? seemed out of nowhere haha, i guess good for them??" which quickly spirals into "omg gongyi xiao CLEARLY knows it's fake! he cant lie for shit! THIS IS BASICALLY EVIDENCE")

qin wanyue - binghe fan, terminally parasocial, lives off of rpf fanfiction, literally missed her younger sisters funeral to attend a binghe concert, probably needs professional help like yesterday. when the online conversations of moshang start involving binghe, she gets VERY FUCKING UPSET

little palace mistress - nepo baby pop idol. very obsessed with binghe but also in a love/hate sort of way bc he doesnt do what she WANTS him to do and she craves the obedience. she takes out her impudent rage online. she's a big mobei jun hater bc she saw the mobing conspiracies before moshang happened AND SHE SAW RED. she now wants moshang to crash and burn bc she hates mobei jun with an irrational passion. she is doing her best to sabotage whatever stupid publicity stunt this is

(ships: moshang, bingyuan, liujiu, mingling)

moshang had their own super slowburn romance of actor x director that happened over the course of years and the mutual pining was basically killing them both and they had their own dramatic love confessions and shit, but it all happened behind closed doors so no one knows any of that. all they know is that this relationship Makes No Sense and internet sleuths are very invested with UNCOVERING THE TRUTH

#moshang #did any of this make sense?#probably not lolol #im just posting my stream of consciousness moshang thoughts for Reasons

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marauder-misprint · 1 day ago

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Hi! I don't know if you'd be comfortable writing this and if you aren't feel free to disregard this request lol but I was wondering if you could write a sirius black x plus sized reader hurt/comfort? Like maybe she's comparing herself to the people he's usually seen with and thinks he'd never be interested in her only for him to confront her after a bit of avoidance on her part and tell her that he doesn't think that way at all and that she's perfect and beautiful and he wants to be with her

Again if this is uncomfy or weird it's okay to ignore me- I've just been in a bad place recently and figured I'd try my luck haha

thank you for taking the time to read this! I adore your work ( ´∀｀)

Thank you so much for the request! I really hope I did it justice. I'm sorry that you're in a bad place and I hope it passes quickly ❤︎ I didn't go as deep into negative self talk as I could've - I know how mean we can be to ourselves.

Sending my love ❤︎

Boys like Sirius

Sirius Black x Plus size reader

2k words

cw: hurt/comfort, body issues, Happy Ending

It started in third year. Professor Slughorn grew tired of the Marauders interrupting every single lesson so he assigned them seats with different partners on different sides of the room. Remus in the back, Peter in the front, James on the left and Sirius on the right. It only sort of helped. Some days, it made the chaos that followed those boys fill the entire classroom, rather than their two stations. Other days, it meant that the boys talked to and worked with students they otherwise would’ve ignored. In Sirius’ case, that was you.

The two of you ran in completely different circles. You had never been partnered together before and when given the choice, Sirius always sat with another member of the Marauders. The first few lessons sat next to each other were filled with plenty of awkward silences, mostly because Sirius was grumpy that he was separated from his best friends during a subject he didn’t particularly care for. But slowly, he opened up and once he actually talked to you, he found that he was enjoying Potions, if not looking forward to it. You were also enjoying Potions, because who wouldn’t want the gorgeous and charming Sirius Black as their partner?

Your new friendship with Sirius spilled out of the Potions classroom. He’d wave to you in the corridor and talk to you in between classes. You were invited to study and go to Hogsmeade with all of his other friends. There were times when you felt out of place with his friends but Sirius made an effort to make sure you were included and listened to when you talked. In the end, you usually said yes to any invite because you got to spend more time with him.

The more time you spent with Sirius and the older you got, the bigger your crush on him got. You tried to play it cool. You tried to pretend that you weren’t absolutely head-over-heels in love with him, just like half of the girls at Hogwarts. Every time he flashed his trademark grin your way, you believed you had a chance with him, that maybe the stars were aligning and you’d get your guy. Every time he gave you a cheeky compliment or let his hand linger longer than a moment on yours, your heart would flutter with hope. Every invite was accompanied with hopeful eyes and excited chatter when you accepted. How could you not read into it?

However, with half the girls at Hogwarts in love with him, you knew your chances with Sirius were slim. It was painfully obvious in your sixth year. Girls got more brazen with their flirting. He was single and they wanted to change that. It seemed like in between every lesson and at every meal, there was a different girl twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes at Sirius. And to make it all worse, it felt like every girl was skinnier than you.

These were the thinnest girls with teeny tiny waists. Sirius could have easily lifted any of them up without struggle. And, well, putting it lightly, you had curves. You had thighs, a stomach, a butt, arms, breasts, a body. Someone once said you just had big bones, like that actually meant something.

Every time Sirius flirted back with one of those girls who looked like the opposite of you, you felt a knife twist in your chest. It was hard to watch the boy you love flirt endlessly with those girls. It was a cruel reminder that boys like Sirius didn’t love girls like you. You felt doomed to a life without love. At least, without his love.

To lessen your pain, you began to distance yourself from Sirius. He had continued to partner with you in Potions every since third year. You talked less during Potions, knowing you couldn’t switch partners. You still waved back to Sirius when you passed in the corridors, but only if he waved first, and if he stopped to try to talk to you, you made an excuse to keep walking. You stopped finding him in the library to study with him and his friends, you stopped going to Hogsmeade with them. If you were barely friends with him, surely it would hurt less when the girls swarmed him.

It didn’t.

If anything, it made it hurt more.

Those girls had it all, and they got his attention. They got his love.

---

After a particularly quiet Potions lesson, Sirius couldn’t take the silent treatment anymore.

“Oi, lovely, what’s happened?”

You froze as you were putting your things away. You cleared your throat as his words sunk in.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Sirius,” you said slowly. You hoped to Merlin that you sounded confused and not guilty.

“Feels like you’ve been avoiding me,” he clarified. “Only ever see you in this class… and even then, you’re… you’re not you. You’re quiet. You won’t even look at me.”

You pursed your lips together. So, he noticed.

“I’m just paying attention, that’s all,” you lied.

He scoffed. “Paying attention so much you won’t study with me, ahem, us anymore? You won’t come to Hogsmeade?”

You felt the insecurities rising in you like bile in your throat. You didn’t want to talk about this. You knew it would only lead to you admitting your crush on him and his inevitable rejection of you. You could practically hear him saying already ‘I don’t feel the same about you… maybe it’s better you’ve been avoiding me if that’s how you feel.’ Boys like Sirius don’t fall for girls that look like you, you reminded yourself.

You don’t look at Sirius. Instead, you quickly finished putting your things away.

“I need to get to my next class,” you muttered before disappearing out of the classroom.

Sirius watched you go. He ran his hand down his face. He missed you, your presence, your smile and laugh, everything. And here he was, wondering what he had done to make you avoid him so desperately.

He found you after classes were over for the day; he knew he had to minimize your available excuses. He was going to talk to you. Sirius would be damned if he had to go another day without knowing you were acting this way.

“Hey! Love, can we talk?” he said, grabbing your wrist gently.

“Sirius, I have to-”

“Please, I need to know what I did,” he said, beautiful grey eyes filled with worry.

“What you did?” you repeated.

Your hesitation, although it was only a slight pause, was enough to allow Sirius to pull you down the hall and into an empty classroom. He closed the door behind you.

“Yes, what I did. What did I do to make you avoid me? I thought we had a good thing going, you know?”

You looked anywhere but at him. Even without seeing him, you felt yourself getting choked up. You could see his worried eyes in your mind and it was paired with the butterflies you got from him holding onto your wrist.

“You didn’t do anything,” you managed to say, although your voice is tight, the obvious sound of someone about to cry.

He walked toward you, putting his things down on the desk behind you and then taking your things out of your arms to put next to his. Then he held the sides of your arms. You had no choice but to look at him.

“Then why? Why have I lost you?”

Why have I lost you? You wanted to scoff at him. You wanted to laugh dryly. Like you were ever his to lose. Could you tell him that you were just making space for all the girls that fawned over him? Could you tell him that it hurt too much to be that close to him and knowing he’d never look at you like you look at him?

“I-I… I’m protecting myself,” you decided on saying. “At least, I'm trying to.”

“Protecting yourself from what?” he asked earnestly. He paused as he looked into your eyes which were getting glassier by the second. “You know the boys would never prank you, right? I’d never let them.”

“No, not that.” You shrugged off his hands so you could turn away from him. You couldn’t bear to see him when he rejected you for what you looked like. “From… I’m protecting myself from heartbreak.”

“Heart… break…” There was a moment of silence. Then you felt his hand on your arm again. “Love, please explain what you mean.”

His voice made your heart break more than it already was. He was going to make you spell it out for him. He was going to make you say how much you loved him and that you knew he would never reciprocate it. It made your next words come out more angry than you had ever spoken to him before.

“I thought that if I put space between us, that I could stop loving you and it would hurt less to see every girl flirt with you, to see you flirt with every girl who… who doesn’t look like… like me.” Your words came out scathing like fire. It didn’t help that you could feel the hot tears streaming down your face.

His hand dropped from your arm and you felt your stomach drop. Here it came. Here came the rejection.

“You think I’m flirting with them?”

His voice was soft. It sounded almost insulted? It was followed by a soft disbelieving chuckle.

“Love, I may have… partaken in banter, but if I flirted, I never meant to.” His hand found your shoulder and turned you back toward him. “The only girl I’ve flirted with is in front of me.”

His other hand raised to wipe the tears from your face.

“I suppose my intentions could have been more clear, if you’re feeling this way. You should know I don’t invite just anyone to Hogsmeade.”

You couldn’t find the words to respond. His words didn’t feel real. It felt like the world’s cruelest prank. Your uncertainty must’ve been written on your face because Sirius kept talking.

“Love, I’m gone for you. You’re the most perfect person I have ever seen and had the pleasure of knowing and spending time with. Slughorn pairing us together in third year? The biggest blessing, even if I didn’t know it at first.”

He gave you a moment to process what he was saying, seeing if you had a response yet. You opened your mouth to try to say something but all that came out was a squeak.

“Let me be clear, I really, really, really like you. I want to take you on dates and spoil you like you deserve. I want to spend more time with you. I want to go to Hogsmeade with you and just you. I want to study with you, even if it ends up with you actually studying and me watching you… which is what usually happens when I’ve invited you in the past, in case you never noticed.”

You were beginning to smile, so he continued.

“I want to hear you laugh. I want to talk to you in the corridors. I want to sit next to you during meals and be with you in the common room. I want to kiss you. I want to snuggle with you and hug you and hold you. I really mean it when I say you’re perfect. You’re so bloody gorgeous and if I have to blatantly flirt with you every day so that you believe it, I will. You just have to say the word.”

“Okay,” you said quietly in a shaky breath.

“Can… can I kiss you?”

You nodded and Sirius took a confident step toward you. He held your face with both of his hands before bringing your face to his. All of your insecurities don’t disappear in that moment like you’d want them to, but you felt more confident than you had in a while. You felt like you were on top of the world though. The boy you love likes you back; and you know this because you can’t fake a kiss like this.

#marauders #marauders fic #marauder-misprint #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #request

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scribblue · 1 day ago

Text

"Expectations" A Naturaldisaster* Fic

[*Poly ship with Jay, Cole, Geo, and Nya.]

Jay struggles with self-identity and relationships after losing his memories in the merge, and some familiar faces have been trying to help him through it... but it's an unfamiliar one that finally gets through to him. 3,437 words | Rated T, some suggestive themes/references | Angst and Comfort

Read below, or on ao3!

✧《✩》✧

The boy in the photograph almost looked like him.

Closely cropped hair modeled the same ginger hue as his current mop of curls, and a youthful face bore traces of freckles not yet matured under the sun. The boy was hemmed in on both sides by faces Jay only partly recognized– younger versions of the people that claimed to know him before the Merge. Cole stood on his right, Nya his left, squeezing in tight with arms threaded through his elbows. Their bright smiles and casual displays of affection almost made all those outlandish stories about his past feel plausible. Almost.

The longer he stared at the photograph, the deeper his unease grew. It was like peering into an alternate timeline, or some washed-up magician's crystal ball; everything felt frustratingly familiar and terribly wrong at the same time, like a word lingering at the tip of his tongue and never finding its way past his lips. Here was a moment in time preserved in a frame, yet all of his memories were nothing but static. This memory didn't belong to him anymore. He couldn't be sure it ever did.

"You and Cole were real close."

The gravelled voice jolted him out of his thoughts. Jay turned towards it, mildly relieved to see the one person that didn't claim a long, complicated history with him. Geo lingered in the threshold to the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe.

Jay frowned. "So I've heard."

Geo countered his frown with a soft smile. He shut the door quietly behind him, though there was little need for privacy; Cole was watching the little gremlins with Bonzle over at the Monastery, allowing Jay and Geo an evening alone at the junkyard. Not that Jay would have objected to Cole's involvement, of course, except perhaps in this very conversation. "He told me a lot about you," Geo said. "About the two of you. You and Nya, too."

Jay rolled his eyes and gave an irritated huff, making sure to amp up the theatrics. "Oh, great. And here I was thinking I'd finally met someone who doesn't have all these expectations of me."

"Expectations?"

"Everyone thinks they know me better than I know me, but they don't," Jay said, letting the bitterness drip from each word like Venomari spit. "They all try to tell me how I felt, what I liked, and how I acted, as if it makes any difference now." He set the picture frame down on the dresser with a pointed clank, his gaze still fixed on it. His old self smiled back naively. "That version of me doesn't exist anymore."

He hadn't realized Geo moved closer until he felt a hand on his upper arm, gently refocusing his attention to a faint, saddened smile. "But he did exist once, didn't he?"

Something twinged in his chest, a pang of everything he'd tried so hard to suppress; he put on a good show of not caring about his supposed past, but here he was longing for his companion's words to be true. Heat rose to his cheeks and yearning flared into annoyance, brightening Jay's red eyes in a flash. He jerked his arm away. "I don't know! How should I know? I have no memories of anything before the Merge."

"I know," Geo said gently. He gestured to the photograph with a nod of his head. "But they do. Cole and Nya knew you intimately– whether you believe that or not, that's their truth. It's natural they want to share that with you, Jay. Even if things are different now."

Jay crossed his arms and turned away, taking a few steps towards the bed. It was neatly made in anticipation for his arrival, a third pillow living between the usual two. He glared at it with practiced indifference. "I'm not the person they all think I am."

"Maybe...maybe not. But you are someone they want to know, aren't you?"

"Only because they think I'm their ex."

Geo crossed the space between them with light-footed steps, as though approaching too quickly would scare him away like a bird rustled from the bushes. He placed a hand on his back and leaned forward to catch a glimpse of his face, which Jay angled away to avoid his probing eyes. "You're not my ex."

"No," Jay admitted. "I'm not." That much was undeniably true. With the other two, he at least felt a nagging ache of familiarity somewhere at the back of his fuzzy mind, and had visual proof to back up their claims of previous relationships. Geo, however, was a blank slate. A different kind of mystery to unravel, with a whole different set of complications. Jay finally met his gaze, and the adoration– or perhaps infatuation– he found there was as enabling as it was overwhelming. "...I'm just something new to tinker on, aren't I? A broken man to fuse back together?"

Geo's elven ears drooped. The adoring look morphed into that of a kicked puppy, and for a moment Jay almost regretted his words, though only briefly; sick satisfaction was quick to lock its jaws around his neck. As much as Geo seemed to enjoy “fixing” him, these days Jay got his kicks by ruining everyone he touched.

“Of course not, Jay,” Geo said. He sounded so sincere. Maybe he even was. “What would ever give you that idea?”

Jay snorted. “Please. That’s like…your whole thing, isn’t it? Turning trash into 'treasure'?” He reached over to the nightstand, picking up a mini sculpture welded together with Geo’s fusion powers. It was a figure, seemingly of Cole, frozen in a heroic pose and sculpted of scrap materials. Bits of metal, bottle caps, rusty gears and coils. He waved it at Geo with a sneering smile before tossing it at him underhand. Geo scrambled to catch it. “I’m just your newest project.”

“You are not– and be careful with that, that was an anniversary present.” Geo fussed over the figure, ensuring all of the repurposed trash was in the proper place. When he seemed satisfied, he carefully set it back on its place of honor.

“See? You care more about your things than you do me. Why do you even still make stuff with that junk? You said you could live anywhere now, you could be out there making…literally anything else, with literally anything else. Why a junkyard?" Despite a judgemental tone, his curiosity was genuine– Jay couldn't imagine why anyone would willingly live in a place like this, much less rummage through other people's trash to use as materials.

“...I like it," Geo said, his voice so quiet Jay nearly couldn’t hear it. He averted his gaze and began worrying the tassled hem of his vest. “This place was my home when I never had one of my own, and… I don’t know. I like giving lost things a purpose. Even if I’m not lost myself anymore.”

Giving lost things a purpose. The words struck a chord somewhere inside Jay, like the ringing of the gong he still felt resonate through his bones. He pushed the feeling deep down into the yawning pit in his stomach. “Oh yeah? What’s my purpose, then, oh great Purpose-Giver?”

Geo halted his nervous fidgeting. Slowly, he raised his gaze to study Jay's face, feathered brows knitting together over probing eyes. "Your purpose?"

"Since you're the expert."

His lips pursed into a taut line, broken only by his two protruding lower teeth. “Well...what do you want your purpose to be?”

Oh great, the cryptic wise-man routine. Jay groaned, throwing his head back in exaggerated exasperation. “Nevermind. I’m sorry I asked.”

“Jay, you know I can’t answer that for you. That’s something you have to discover for yourself.”

Though delicately spoken, his words hit like bricks. He wasn’t wrong, and Jay knew that. He hated that he knew that. He’d been struggling to establish a new purpose since leaving the Administration, since being abandoned by his master, Ras; so far, he’d come no closer to achieving that. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”

Geo stepped closer, extending a hesitant hand to clasp one of Jay’s. Jay stared down at it blankly. “You aren’t alone," Geo said. "If there’s any way I can help you on that journey, I, and surely Cole and Nya, would happily—”

Jay gripped Geo's hand like a vice and yanked him close. Their chests collided, and the sudden motion elicited a yelp from Geo, quickly stifled into an insistent kiss. At first he didn't return it, but slowly his lips softened to accommodate Jay's; not quite the same level of energy, but Jay had no issues picking up the slack. This was his element...at least, it was lately. An electricity unlike any he wielded in a fight. His free hand grappled at Geo’s waist, attempting to pull him even closer as though fusion could merge their bodies into one.

He nipped at Geo’s lips, eliciting small noises in response but otherwise minimal reciprocation. Jay let go of his hand and took him by both hips, blindly maneuvering him towards the bed until he felt Geo’s calves bump against the frame. Geo pulled away from the kiss and gasped for the air he'd been passionately deprived of. “Jay…”

Jay kicked an ankle out from under Geo and allowed the two of them to fall onto the mattress, to another surprised yelp from Geo. Jay landed on top of him and wasted no time to dive back into a kiss, propping himself up with one arm and grabbing at Geo’s cropped shirt with the other. Everything in Jay's head had melted away, leaving only this. Only the moment they shared. Nothing else mattered.

Nothing else mattered.

Geo broke the kiss once more by turning his face away from Jay's mouth, which began to travel along Geo’s jawline and neck instead. Roving fingers teased the hem of Geo's shirt, before being abruptly grabbed and held tight. “Jay,” Geo repeated, more forcefully this time. “Can you just— hold on a second?”

Hold on? Jay pushed himself upright to the best of his ability, just enough that he could get a good look at Geo’s face; his cheeks were flushed a dark reddish-purple, but rather than the usual blissful or flustered expression, he carried a troubled air that gave Jay additional pause. “...What?”

“Jay…I…this is…” Geo fumbled his words, seeming unable to land on any. He rubbed Jay’s fingers absently with his own. “I…I don’t know if I’m in the mood…for this…right now.”

Jay felt himself deflate under the crushing weight of returning reality. “What? Why? What do you mean?” he said, unable to keep the panic out of his voice.

“I just– it's nothing you did, and it's not that I don't enjoy it, but… maybe we could just...talk, tonight?"

Jay’s pulse quickened. A litany of unsavory thoughts spiraled in his brain, a tornado of self-loathing that had long since been percolating, just waiting for an excuse to gain momentum. He’d made Geo uncomfortable. How? This was supposed to be the fix. The smooth-over, the nonverbal apology for every passive-aggressive comment that spilled from his mouth that night. How had he managed to mess this up too? “Talk? That’s— no, I’m not good at talking. Please, I’m not— this is the only thing I’m good at,” he said, the words spilling from his mouth before he could stop them. “Please, Geo, this is the only thing I’m good at. Don’t take that away from me, I—” He caught himself mid-sentence, realization sinking in at Geo’s increasingly concerned expression. “...No. I’m sorry. It’s fine, actually. I don’t even care. That’s fine. No worries, I’ll just— I’m gonna go, then.”

He started to push himself to his feet, and Geo hurried to grasp his arms, pulling him back. “Jay,” Geo said, voice as firm as his grip. “Stay. It’s alright, you don’t have to leave.”

“Yes I do. I can’t do all this…this…talking. All these emotions. I told you, I’m not good at it. I’m not good at it like you, I don’t— all I do is make people feel bad.”

“You’re not trying to.”

"Sometimes I am. Sometimes I enjoy it, too. I’m really, really good at making people feel bad, Geo. But this…this is the one time where I feel like I can make people feel good, and…” His chest tightened along with his throat, and his eyes stung with tears that threatened to form. He heaved a dry sob, like a breath caught in reverse. “If I’m not good at that, what am I? Just some asshole with amnesia? Geo, I don’t know who the fuck I am. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t—” The floodgates burst, sending rivers of electrified tears streaming down his cheeks in a trail of static shocks. His shoulders shuddered as another sob overtook him. “I don’t know who I am.”

“Hey, hey now, it’s alright.” Geo reached up to swipe at Jay’s tears, jumping slightly at the static that crackled on his thumb. He shook it off, wholly undeterred. “Come on. Come here.” He shuffled himself further onto the bed and laid down on the pillows, beckoning Jay to join him with wide, open arms.

Jay sniffled, staring at him for a long moment before he finally gave in— what more did he have to lose? His dignity was already long gone. He crawled over to him and flopped into Geo’s arms, head landing on his chest. Geo completed the gesture by wrapping his arms tightly around Jay’s upper body in turn.

As soon he sunk into the embrace, the sobs increased in intensity, and the tears poured onto Geo’s shirt. Geo only held him tighter, a granted permission that Jay had never even given himself: to cry freely.

Neither of them spoke. Jay wouldn’t even think of attempting it in that state, lest he be reduced to even more of a blubbering mess; he’d admitted plenty already, and Geo didn’t seem to mind the lack of conversation. He merely hummed a comforting tune under his breath and rubbed gentle circles into Jay’s back. It was a strange sensation, to be cared for. Jay wasn’t sure he knew what to do with it. He didn’t understand how Geo offered it so easily, like it was second nature to him. But the embrace felt…nice, Jay supposed.

He had no idea if he’d ever cried like this before. It certainly felt like a first. Had the old him sobbed on Nya or Cole’s chest? Did he cry over every little thing, or had it only happened when he reached a breaking point? Did he feel as ashamed of his tears then as he did now? Jay had no answers for any of those questions, and wasn’t sure if he truthfully wanted them. All he knew was that, be it a first or not, he was sobbing in Geo’s arms. And in some odd, twisted way, it felt good.

He wasn’t sure how long he cried. It ebbed and flowed like a wave, building up to a crescendo just to crash and settle once more. Eventually, though, his tear ducts began to dry up, and the tightness in his chest began to ease. Geo wordlessly stretched an arm over to the nightstand to grab a tissue, which Jay gratefully accepted— he felt like he was drowning in his own facial fluids, and was eager to regain some composure. Geo just laid there, observing while Jay aggressively wiped his face, blew his nose, and tossed the balled-up tissue onto the floor. Jay let his head fall back on Geo’s chest. His neck felt weak. And Geo was warm. “Don’t tell Cole or Nya about this,” he mumbled.

“About what? You littering tissues on my floor?” Geo said, earning a slight amused huff.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah. I won’t. But having emotions isn’t a crime, you know. I don’t think either of them would judge you for it.”

“They should. It’s gross. I hate it. Don’t tell them.”

Geo chuckled softly, the heave of his chest shaking Jay’s head. “I won’t, I won’t.”

“Good.” He considered leaving it at that, but a dreaded seed of guilt began nagging at the back of his tired mind. He curled his arm around Geo’s torso and sniffed. “...Thanks.”

Geo craned his neck to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head, amidst his fluffy curls. Barely did it graze his scalp, but he felt it resonate down to his very core. “Any time.”

They laid there in silence for longer than Jay could keep track of, despite his attempts to keep time by the ticking wall clock and the beating of Geo’s heart. It thump-thumped a steady rhythm, as dependable as its carrier. Slowly, the internal lullaby lured him into a deep, inescapable slumber.

✧《✩》✧

Cole

Despite having their own room in the Monastery, neither Spitz nor Fritz would be deterred from sleeping in their ‘own beds’ that night. Cole certainly couldn’t deny them that, even though he was well aware they’d be sleeping in his arms before they even arrived—and they were. Or, at least Spitz was. Fritz was determined to walk regardless of his barely open eyes, guided like a sleepwalker by Cole’s hand.

He didn’t blame the two of them for wanting to come back. While the monastery was like a home to him, the first to take him in after striking out on his own, the Finder’s residence was his home. His, Geo’s, Bonzle’s, Spitz and Fritz’s. Maybe it was once made from necessity, a lack of freedom…but it became a choice to stay. And it was a choice he was happy to keep making.

The house was quiet and dark when they walked in. Curious, he had expected at least a couple lights, or to hear some muted conversation. Everything felt so…still. Cole shifted Spitz on his hip. “Bonzle, can you take the kids to their room? I gotta check on the love birds.”

“Can do,” Bonzle said, reaching out to take Spitz from Cole with a soft grunt of effort. Cole transferred Fritz’s hand to hers and the three adoptive siblings made their way to the younger one’s bedroom.

Cole smiled after them, and then turned his attention to the closed door across the hall. He approached cautiously and gave a small knock. “Jay, Geo? I’m home.” Without a response, he tried the doorknob—unlocked—and opened the door as quietly as he could muster.

It was dark in the bedroom, too. As Cole peered in, a strip of soft blue light illuminated the pair sleeping on the bed above the blankets, still fully clothed. Jay was laying somewhat on top of Geo, with his head resting on his chest and one of Geo’s arms draped loosely across his back. It was as heartwarming a sight as it was surprising to see Jay cuddled up on Geo the way he used to cuddle up on Cole. The way he denied ever doing before.

Geo peeked open an eye as the light hit him, sleepy confusion giving way to a smile when he noticed his partner standing in the doorway. He beckoned for him, and Cole was quick to comply, leaning down to give Geo a peck on the lips before gingerly climbing into bed. He moved slow and deliberately so as not to wake sleeping beauty, managing to position himself in a spooning position against Jay’s back with his head on the pillow next to Geo. He stacked his arm on top of the one that currently cradled Jay, enveloping him in a dual hug.

Jay shifted and let out a muffled groan, and Cole froze, unsure if Jay would appreciate or allow the intrusion. It wasn’t long before he got his answer by way of Jay’s hand fumbling into theirs, weakly grasping at their wrists and pulling them tighter around his body. He stretched his legs, shimmied his shoulders, and let out a long, drawn-out sigh—content, or perhaps resigned— before settling back into sleep between the two of them.

Tension released from Cole’s shoulders, and he sighed happily in turn. Whether or not Jay would acknowledge this night ever again, much less allow it to be more than a fluke, Cole would appreciate every moment while he had it, this glimpse of his old jay resurfacing.

I know you’re in there, Jay, was the last thought that crossed Cole’s mind as rest began to claim him. And we’re right here.

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