#I know the answer is that zoning isn't just keeping people away it's about controling the opponent's position

[transhitman]

Axl is mechanically so funny as well like why does a squishy zoner need a command grab that crosses the entire fucking screen.

[plutosmainhoe]

Camila Reinherz - Part IV

Master Post

————————————————————

Yee Haw 🤠

We are going through Mila's fourth house, let's go!

Just ignore the Sun for now (I know it's hard, but just do it).

4H Pisces

The fourth house controls family, traditions, ancestry and home.

With Pisces over the fourth house, Camila's family life has a direct impact on how she feels about herself. There is a strong emotional bond with her family and/or home, where she needs to feel support and stability.

Pisces is a water sign, her emotions run high when related to home. It is her safe place, a place where she can naturally be and prosper. If unsupported by family or friends she values as family, this can lead to depression tendencies. Her home reflects her mental state.

Mila will prefer to keep her home life private. It is her sanctuary. It allows her to shut down from everyday worries and social troubles. Although, because of this, she may tend to feel lonely as a result from isolating herself in her safe zone.

Camila will have a rampant imagination in regards to family, sometimes convincing herself that certain events had occurred, when they did not. She may have unrealistic views and ideals of her family and their traditions, however could grow out of this as she ages.

Where is Neptune?

Neptune is in the 2H. Why do we need to know this?

Each house has a Lord, depending the sign that is over the house. It doesn't matter if there are any planets within the house, the house Lord essentially communicates from the house they are in and brings energy across from their house.

Therefore, Mx Cloudy Blue Neptune is the Lord of the fourth, as it is the ruler of Pisces, however, is in the 2H. So what does this mean?

Amelia's family life and traditions are connected to her finance. This can indicate wealth from an early age and financial stability throughout her life.

However, Neptune is the planet of dreams, unstable environments, addictions and delusions. There needs to be large amount of stability offered by Amelia's family to ensure a happy and functioning mental health. If this isn't achieved, her finances and mental wellbeing can be greatly affected.

Placements

4H Aries Mercury

Mercury is the planet of communication and intellect.

With Mercury under fiery Aries, Camila will be a quick and independent thinker with an intense intellectual ability. Being a fire sign, there is a lot of unstable energy so it could be difficult to control her thoughts and organise them all accordingly. She may lack focus because of this.

Mila will be more focused on solutions rather than problems. She wants an answer to an issue instantly, finding creative ways to solve problems. She will be very encouraging of others, always enthusiastically supporting the people around her.

However, competitiveness and impatience may be had to control, and with Aries ruled by Mars, she is quick to become irritated or annoyed when things don't go her away. This will show in her communication and may become snarky, rude and down right nasty.

With Mercury sitting within the fourth house, Camila's home will likely be full of books, an intellectual atmosphere. Imagine a library within a house with a lot house plants.

Having Mercury in the fourth indicates that Mila comes from well-educated family, and will likely become well-educated herself because of this. Family and parents will have a large impact on Camila's way of thinking as their opinions mean a great deal to her. She may spend more time at home than the average person would.

Work and home life may often be intertwined, it is indicated that with this placement that the native may take over a family business or choose the same career path as their parents.

Mercury at 3°

The third degree is a Gemini degree, which is fantastic for Mercury as Gemini/Virgo are its preferred signs.

With this in mind, this degree will further increase the speed of Mila's thinking patterns and will be inclined to pick up patterns and trends in data. With the added Gemini energy, her speech may also be faster than normal and can be hard to keep up with, as she can jump from subject to subject.

Her communication may come off as flirty, flaky and dramatic, however she means well and just wants to make people laugh. A bit of a jokester and prank artist, Camila will try to find humour in anything.

Pisces Overtones

Pisces rampant imagination 🤝 Aries quick thinking Mercury

As Pisces is the ruler of the fourth house while Mercury falls under Aries in the fourth house, there will be layers of Neptune behaviours within Camila's communication.

So, to recap, this Mercury Placement has behaviours from Aries/Mars (placement), Gemini (degree), Pisces/Neptune (house ruler) AND Scorpio/Pluto (chart ruler).

What this means is that while she has her fiery, hot-headed, impatient, quick, adaptable and nervous communication and thinking styles, Mila can also be withdrawn and shallow with her articulation.

Neptune may bring the tendency to not be able to read in between the lines and become convinced on the delusion that the other party is confusing and is doing it deliberately. Camila may not understand people completely and could take things the wrong way, as Pisces/Neptune energy needs to be supported and stabilised.

Mercury is also in fall when placed in Pisces. These overhead energies can create some tension, with Aries trying to be action orientated and quick-thinking under the distractable and relaxed Pisces.

Remember when I said Pisces over the fourth will create a rampant imagination regards to her home life and comfort methods? This will go hand in hand with Mila's communication and intellect. While Pisces will bring a lot of imagination and creativity that witty and reckless Aries can use to benefit Mercury and its intellect.

And then of course, there is the slight Pluto overtones as the chart ruler. I can see Camilia changing her style of communication to fit the scene, much like a Gemini or Virgo Mercury would. With so many energies, her communication will likely be hard to keep up with.

Mila's communication is a weird combination of energies, and this will likely reflect in her articulation and speech, as well as her home. From ditzy, messy and all over the place, to loud, feisty and witty, Amelia could be difficult to understand or confusing due to the lack of consistency.

Next, we look into the fifth house and stop ignoring Amelia's sun placement ☀️

[stayevildarling]

Wilhemina Venable x Reader- When the time is right - Pt 1

Part 2, Part 3

word count: 3.8k

warnings: mention of scoliosis, angst + fluff at the end

A/N: This story is kind of an AU. Reader meets Venable when Wilhemina is light Mina (orange hair, adorable, cute, friendly) and they get together. One day Wilhemina breaks it off suddenly and they only reunite years later but Reader is met with a much darker version (dark Mina).

Also, this used to be on my Wattpad but I decided to completely rewrite it and add multiple parts

Taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker, @rainbow-hedgehog, @mrsdeanhoward, @alexajbitar, @in-cordelias-coven, @kenzbro, @loverofallthingssarah, @twistedpoeticjustice, @billiebeanhoward, @minaslittleone, @lilypadscoven, @vintagepaulson, @ninaahs, @whitelotus00, @httpfiftyshadesofgay

-Flashback-

''Are you serious right now after all we have been through?'' you try hard not to scream but it feels like your body is on fire, your lungs are burning, heart racing and your eyes watering. You cannot believe you are having this conversation with your girlfriend Wilhemina right now. After a whole year of knowing each other and eventually giving the relationship a go she is talking about moving on.

'It's for the best'' is all she said in return and then she walked out, cane in her hand hitting the floor hard and not once did she look back, she ignored your cries, you begging her to stay and please turn back around. You keep repeating this is a nightmare and you are gonna wake up any minute to her holding you in her arms. But it was no nightmare and she did walk out of your shared apartment and ever since that day you have tried to move on. But no matter what you did working, moving out of the apartment, meeting friends, getting to know new people it didn't work, Wilhemina was always on your mind, when you are asleep she would visit in your dreams, when you are driving or outside and a song plays, she is there in your memory as if she never left in the first place.

-End of Flashback-

Even right now as you are walking through the streets on your lunch break, coffee in your hand and earphones in your ears listening to music she is here again.

''I never needed you like I do right now....I never hated you like I do right now'' as you hear those lyrics your heart skips a beat and it feels like it is breaking all over again. You tried everything you could think of, start a new job in a new field, you moved to a new city but nothing seems to be able to take your mind off the redhead, clouding your mind, her touch still so present lingering on your skin, her voice still ringing through your ears and the smell of lavender following you wherever you go.

Currently, you are working for a company in California, in the social media department and to promote the brand and their work. It's mostly boring but you do enjoy social media and advertisement so you gladly took the job considering it comes with a higher paycheck and a brand new apartment. There was nothing left in your old city, no friends anymore because you drove them all away as they always talked badly about your ex-girlfriend and the feelings you still have for her. No family because you were kind of always on your own and after quitting your job there, there was nothing holding you back. The woman with red-orange hair and a purple obsession is currently on your mind again and no matter what you do she is stuck in your head, like a catchy record and it hurts. As you think about her a wave of flashbacks hit you, with no way of putting a stop to it and keeping the storm at bay.

''Wilhemina Venable, nice to meet you'' was the first few words that you ever heard her say and for a moment you were so struck that you couldn't even say anything. ''Cat got your tongue hmm?'' was what she said afterward and what got you to snap out of it, introduce yourself, and shake her hand. And when you touched her for the first time you knew you would never ever get tired of feeling her soft hands.

You would also never grow tired of looking into her beautiful brown eyes or the soft smile she would give you whenever she would see you. Back then you just finished college and you took your first job and she was your co-worker. Starting a relationship with a co-worker is sometimes frowned upon and there probably are good reasons for that but you didn't listen, not to your friends telling you not to do it and not to the other co-workers after they noticed the glances you and Wilhemina exchanged at work. But you both never let that stop you and you fell for her and you fell hard.

Although you had some crushes before, mostly on teachers in college or celebrities, you never had been in a relationship before. Every morning before work you would get up so early and make sure to put your best clothes on, you would improve your makeup skills and try different hairstyles to impress Wilhemina and you did. She would notice how often you would come around to her desk and ask her silly questions you both knew the answers to but you pretend you didn't. And eventually, she took all of her confidence and asked you out and that night was the most magical night of your life.

You went to an expensive restaurant and after she took you home and she gave you something that night that was precious and you held onto it till today. Patience. She was your first love and she made sure to not rush, to not hurt you, to be there for you and hold you whenever you needed her. After your first date, you went on some more magical nights together, before you were ready to allow her to love you and to love her in return and she made you feel things you never felt before. She would make your whole body feel beautiful and worthy, all your insecurities left whenever you were around the woman who had many insecurities herself due to her back. And that's probably what you admire most about her, the way she made you feel whenever you were with her.

Thinking about all this, you think back to the many dates you both went on, to restaurants, shopping, the movies, car dates, attending work parties together, going to get drunk together. Life felt so easy with Wilhemina around, although she was a few years older than you she was pure, she was funny, soft, kind, precious and she was innocent. She would always treat people with respect and offer help and you loved her beautiful and kind personality. You never thought that one night after being with each other for almost a year she would randomly walk out of your life and not once turn back around or try and talk about it.

Hearing the lyrics repeat, you sigh and shake your head because it is true, one part of you needed Wilhemina back in your life because no matter what you do you can not get her out of your head or heart for that matter. Part of you does hate her for leaving and walking out, you never cried harder in your life than the night she left and you couldn't function for days. All you did was cry, toss and turn in the bed or curl up on the floor in a little ball until you couldn't cry anymore but the pain never stopped. It took days and in the end, your friends who picked you up again, taught you how to take care of yourself again by eating, showering, getting dressed, and going to work and you hoped that moving and changing jobs would change something.

As you are sitting in a park, only a few blocks away from your new workplace, watching people having picnics, playing with their kids, walking their dogs, or doing exercise you realize that all this wasn't worth it. Moving away, leaving your job, apartment and friends did nothing, you still miss her and she still haunts you. You miss her gentle side, the soft Mina as you used to call her, who would hold you in her arms, who would say soothing words until you would fall asleep, and who would make you feel better after a hard day at work, hold you after a nightmare or would let you ramble about another one of the co-workers annoying you. You miss telling her about your days and how you feel because you could be free with her and be who you are and you haven't been that way in a very long time.

Checking your phone you notice your lunch break is over in five minutes so you toss your empty coffee cup in a nearby trash can and walk back to your office. Today has been particularly boring because all you have to do is answer people's dm's and requests on social media because currently there is no campaign going on. As you walk back to your desk you put your coat and bag away and start logging onto your laptop. That's when you hear your boss on his way to your desk and you can't help but internally roll your eyes. He isn't a bad guy or anything, he is in his fifties, grey hair, always wearing a suit and he treats you with respect and you appreciate him but whenever he would approach you it means a problem, like an advertisement going wrong or a complaint or a new major client and that means longer hours and staying in the office till midnight. Not that you mind considering there is nothing or no one to come back home to.

''Y/N'' he says as he finally reaches your desk. Looking up from your desk, you force a smile and reply ''Yes Mr. Odell what can I do for you?''. By his posture, you can tell he is in some kind of distress.

''Listen we have a potential new client and I want you to come to our first meeting with them'' he says excitedly and you question why he can't just bring his assistant. ''I can't bring Janet she is sick so I need you to get your things'' he explains and you log off your computer, take your coat and bag and follow him outside the building. It is quite chilly, so you are glad that you put a jacket over your blazer.

As the familiar buildings and streets fade into the distance, you try not to zone out like you usually would but these days your mind would often be preoccupied with daydreams or memories as if someone else was entirely in control of your thoughts.

''I have a meeting with a Mr. Pfister and Mr. Nutter'' he says absent-mindedly while looking into his calendar and talking about the company you are headed to. Snapping out of your thoughts, you nod and mumble ''Of course Mr. Odell'' before averting your gaze back to the window looking at the hectic city and people going on about their days. Your thoughts wander back to work and you try to think of a few possibilities to advertise their products, as that might not be as easy as you originally thought when agreeing on accompanying your boss.

The first thing you see as you walk into a large unfamiliar building, following your boss's steps,  is a front desk with some employees sitting there, it seems that this building is home to a few companies and different departments as they guide people into different parts of the building. You watch as your boss approaches the front desk,  ''Hello may I help you?'' a woman with blonde hair asks politely.

''Yes I have a meeting with Kineros Robotics'' he says and she looks at you, then him again, and points towards a sign. ''It's to your right just follow the signs'' she says and you notice how her facial expression changed from nice and friendly to cold and possibly scared? after your boss mentioned the company name. Reading people's expressions and understanding their underlying feelings, has always been something you are good at but you quickly shake the thought away and follow your boss.

As you walk down the corridor you see a young woman with long brown curled hair wearing a blouse with flower prints and a skirt run down the hall with a box in her hand, her heels echoing through the building. ''I'm sorry'' she mumbles hectic and nervous as she zooms past you and you give Mr. Odell a questioning expression before reaching the department.

''I'm so sorry there was a bad accident on the 101'' you hear the woman say and then you hear a sound that sounds both so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. The cane tapping. For a moment you freeze, knowing this isn't just any cane tap as you are so used to a certain redhead woman expressing her emotions partly through the very device that helps her keep her balance. Despite not having heard the sound in over a year, you know exactly who must be on the other end of the hallway.

Temporarily you freeze, thinking maybe her leaving you and breaking things off with you, has ultimately clouded your senses and affected your brain and maybe you are imagining everything. After all the rational part of yourself, is trying to remind you that there is no explanation right now as to why she would be here of all places.

However, the next thing you hear is a clear confirmation that your brain is not tricking you, it's not your mind so clouded by her absence, she is here, the only thing keeping you from seeing each other is a wall and a few steps apart. As you hear a familiar voice your heart stops beating and your throat goes dry.

''Not as bad as the accident that brought you into the world'' that is all you heard and although her voice sounds more cold, harsh and raspy you are fully aware that Wilhemina is sitting at the end of that corridor. For a moment your body goes into a state of shock, your ears ringing, vision blurring, and your heart beating out of your chest.

Shortly after the girl what you assume now to be an assistant comes running back towards the corridor with tears in her eyes and her heels making the same clicking sound. She zooms past you and Mr. Odell again and all he says is ''Damn she seems feisty'' and you know it's aimed at Wilhemina and for a moment you debate whether to just turn around and pretend to be sick or needing to answer a phone call but you know you can't back out now, after all, you have missed seeing her for too long now.

All you wanna do is see her adorable orange hair, that you used to run your fingers through and untangle some knots after she had a long day, the dorky glasses that you sometimes made fun of, and beautiful pastel purple probably everywhere if this truly was her workplace after all. ''Come on'' your boss says, pulling you out of your thoughts yet again and you walk into the large room.

Eyes instantly wander to the source of purple in the room and the source of darkness in your heart and emptiness ever since she left but not only does your heart stop for a moment as you take a look at her, you blink a few times, now actually sure whether this is real or some kind of nightmare.

Wilhemina's hair is a much darker shape of red now and styled into a tall sharp quiff, no sign of her usual high ponytails anymore or the lighter and orange shape it used to be. You notice she doesn't wear glasses anymore and you are convinced her eyes look an even darker shape than before too. She is wearing a dress and it's also a very dark shade of purple with matching earrings. Even her makeup is darker, and as you see her sitting by her desk you can't deny how intimidating she seems, looking at some files, her cane resting on the desk right beside her. Even the cane is different now, it has a snake shape at the top and it's not the old plain one she used to have.

For a moment you believe you just walked right into your own personal nightmare, the funny, sometimes sassy, and beautiful girl you used to love now seems like a completely different and somewhat evil person. The Wilhemina you once loved and still have feelings for, as they never truly changed, seems gone and it seems like she was replaced by a new one, a colder version.

She would have never spoken to anyone like that or treated someone the way she just treated that girl that seems to be her assistant, by the looks of it. All the staring and observing Wilhemina happened in a matter of seconds although it feels like an eternity, everything is silent for a moment, all that is to be heard is your own heartbeat and the typing on Wilhemina's keyboard.

You watch as your boss approaches her and you follow him and finally, Wilhemina looks up noticing the presence of someone else in the room and her gaze is focused on him, so she hasn't seen you yet. He tries to shake her hand and says ''My name is Mr. Odell I have an appointment with Mr. Nutter and Mr. Pfister'' and she just looks at him and his hand with a slightly disgusted expression but she doesn't bother shaking his hand.

''Very well'' she says and takes a glance at you for a split second, noticing a second person in the room and her eyes wander back to her laptop thinking you are just some assistant but when she realizes who you are she immediately looks back over to you and she doesn't avert her gaze at first.

Wilhemina takes in your features for a moment, the sense of fashion, dressing smartly and formally but at the same time stunning as she always said, your hair, the improved makeup skills, and still the same details she always loved about you. She doesn't look into your eyes yet and you are interrupted when two men walk over.

One of them has brown hair and the other blonde hair and you try hard not to chuckle when you see them because they look hideous. ''Mr. Odell, nice to meet you'' they say and shake hands. ''This is Y/L/N maybe someone could show her around while we finalize the details?'' your boss suggests, taking you by surprise, and one of the two turns to Wilhemina and says ''Miss Venable would you give this beautiful lady a tour please''.

For a split second, you are convinced, she is about to kill him but you aren't sure if it's about the tour or compliment. ''Of course'' she mumbles and your boss and the two men leave and you are left there with your ex-girlfriend and awkward silence filling the room. You haven't looked up or into her eyes yet and it terrifies you, she terrifies you.

Wilhemina has no idea what to do or how to react after not seeing you for two years and the last time she did she walked out of your life and your relationship. The redhead looks at you and without looking into your eyes yet she knows the pain, she can see it and she can tell this is killing you inside, the last thing she ever wanted was to cause you pain.

You take a deep breath with your eyes closed and turn to Wilhemina and your eyes instantly lock and you look into her dark brown eyes and not leave her gaze for one moment. She takes a few slow steps towards you, her cane hitting the floor, and with every tap and echo in the room, it feels like your heart is ripped into more pieces and your past is here confronting you right at this moment.

''Mina'' is everything you can say but it comes out as a whisper while your voice cracks. Your ex-girlfriend's eyes close right away because she has missed hearing you call her that for the past two years but as she opens her eyes she reminds herself internally, who she is and that she is currently at her workplace.

''Follow me'' she instructs and you follow her while she walks down a corridor and into a room with big machines. While you follow her you can't understand what would have happened to her to turn into this cold-hearted person. She used to be the sweetest and kindest person you knew but clearly, something has changed. You cannot take your eyes off her and as she walks you into the room with machines, she explains about the work they do here and how they do it and as much as you try to focus and look at the things she shows you, you can't and Wilhemina notices.

''Do I bore you?'' she suddenly snaps in that cold voice again, her nostrils flaring and your heart feels like a knife was just thrown right into it. ''I'm sorr- sorry I-'' but you can't even think of a good enough excuse so you just look at the floor and try hard to keep your emotions at bay.

''Anyways, these are the machines and devices we use, whenever someone places a custom order we make sure to fulfill that order as efficient and quick as possible'' Wilhemina explains her voice still stern, sounding like she has given this tour so many times, she has memorized every single word.

However, you do notice her looking at you the entire time she explains and it seems like she wants you to say something but there are too many things that you want and wanted to say to her for years but you never imagined one day you would run into her like this. For several minutes the two of you stand in the rooms with machines, Wilhemina explaining and you trying hard to focus on her words intently.

''Y/N'' you hear the voice of your boss coming from the door, the two strange-looking men behind him, and you look at him, noticing the satisfied looks on their faces, indicating the deal worked well, and he says ''I'm finished, thank you, Miss, for giving her the tour'' he adds now focused on Wilhemina. ''Let's go'' he says and you walk in his direction without looking back at her and just as you are about to walk out of the door you look at her and say ''Thank you'' and then you walk out.

As you walk out of the large office building, back through the same long corridor, and past the front desk, you can't hear anything your boss is trying to say and the entire car ride back to the office you try and wrap your head around what just happened, abandoning every single word Mr. Odell is saying.

''This didn't happen wake up Y/N wake-up Y/N'' you keep repeating in your head but it's no use this is no nightmare this is reality.

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Can I just say Bones does not get nearly enough credit for how well he reads people?? Like, we all forget that he is not only a doctor, he's a psychiatrist as well. And not only is he insanely good at reading Jim, we also see him read and understand Spock (who is his opposite and with whom he frequently disagrees) and push him when it's necessary. It's Bones' words that make some of the most powerful exchanges out of all the 79 original episodes. Here is proof (and there's a lot of it):

Balance of Terror

Jim's doubting himself and is dealing with a lot of stress because of all his responsibilities and the burden of making decisions, and asks Bones, "What if I'm wrong?" This is an incredibly vulnerable moment for Jim, who always has to be strong, and when Bones starts to answer, Jim gets up and says "I wasn't really expecting an answer."

Bones immediately puts his hand on his shoulder, stops him, and says, "Well, I've got one." Completely unexpected by Jim. Bones starts off by saying "This isn't something I'd usually tell a customer," then gives the speech we all probably know, about how there are millions of possible earth-like planets, "but in all of that, and possibly more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."

Let's break down why this is so good. First, Bones lets Jim know that he sees how vulnerable Jim is being and that he's talking to Jim as a friend. He recognizes that Jim's identity is fundamentally tied to his role as a captain, and also acknowledges how deep Jim's doubts are going, and at the same time reminds Jim that he is the one in control of himself (something very grounding for Jim) and he is not alone (because Bones is supporting him). Most of all, he doesn't dwell on the vulnerability Jim's expressing, but encourages him to take action, which is Jim's natural bent. He perfectly adapts to how Jim functions and knows what to say to get him back into a place where he can do what he does best: lead.

The Ultimate Computer

Jim has been been feeling insecure and threatened this entire episode, because a computer may take away his role as captain. Twice he seeks out Bones for comfort. First, he tells him that he has concerns about the computer, but worries about his motives. "You have my psychological profiles; am I afraid? Of losing my job? ...Daystrom's right, I could do a lot of other things. Am I afraid of losing the power, the prestige? Am I that petty?"

Bones replies, "Jim, if you're self-aware enough to ask that question, you don't need me to answer it for you. Why don't you ask James T. Kirk? He's a pretty honest guy."

Breakdown: Bones responds beautifully by once again reminding Jim that he knows himself and is in control. That sense of confidence is all Jim is after. He also establishes earlier in the conversation that what Jim is feeling is not unusual and can be understood. Brilliant.

The second time Jim reaches out to Bones (this episode is my favorite for a reason), he's doubting his role even more intensely, having just been blatantly insulted and called useless (affirming his insecurities). He left the bridge, silently, by himself, and even Spock didn't follow him out. Bones knew he needed help and went to him, with some drinks (Jim initially responds that he's not interested in eating--coping by losing interest in food) and a joke and light-hearted attitude, so that Jim can feel comfortable expressing himself. Jim puts on an air of not caring (shutting himself off from his emotions) and says he's never felt so useless, and makes a cynical joke as a toast, "To Captain Dunsel" (the insult from earlier, meaning "unnecessary").

Bones stops him, looks him in the eye, and says "To James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise." Jim says softly, "Thank you, Doctor," and when he downs his glass, Bones follows suit.

There's just so much good about this. Bones seeks him out even when he was trying to isolate himself because he knew Jim tends to distract himself and unhealthily repress things. And he doesn't let Jim get away with being blasé about how he's been hurt, but he doesn't force him to be honest either; instead, he lets Jim know he sees how he's feeling and how deeply he's hurt, and also reaffirms that Bones still cares about, respects, and most of all, believes in him. When Jim starts talking after the drink, Bones just listens and lets him talk, and when Jim responds to the call to the bridge, he follows him out. Back in action, and another job well done.

The Trouble With Tribbles

Just a brief point with this: Spock is just being silent here, which is typical for him. But Bones asks him "What's the matter, Spock?" seemingly out of the blue. Spock responds with, "There's something disquieting about these creatures," which means that he was feeling off, and Bones picked up on it. Bones then makes a joke ("Don't tell me you've got a feeling!") which lets Spock know that Bones sees what he's saying but isn't treating it as unusual (since the joking between them is their normal behavior). And when Spock continues talking, he hears him out (although it eventually degenerates into their typical spat).

All Our Yesterdays

Spock has begun degenerating into a pre-reformed-Vulcan version of himself. He gives up on trying to get back to their proper time and becomes irritable. Bones notices that something's wrong almost immediately.

He starts by asking about Jim (because he knows how deeply Spock cares for him), and Spock responds apathetically. This clearly shocks Bones, who then says "I don't believe it, Spock. It's just not like you to give up trying." When Spock doesn't acknowledge something's off, Bones presses him: "I understand. I never thought I'd see it, but I understand. You want to stay here. In fact, you're highly motivated to stay in this forsaken waste!" Spock deflects again, and Bones keeps pressing, which leads to Spock grabbing him by the neck and saying angrily, "I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure." Bones simply looks him in the eye and asks calmly, "What's happening to you, Spock?"

Instead of hassling Spock about why he isn't doing more, he focuses on what's wrong with Spock himself, and he clearly has a deep understanding of who Spock really is. He starts by trying to get a feel for Spock's emotional state by going to ground 0: Jim. And he doesn't back down when Spock tries to blow him off.

Seeing that he's getting nowhere, Bones bides his time, and then starts something with Zarabeth, knowing Spock will jump to her defense.

When Spock pins him against the wall, Bones calmly says, "Are you trying to kill me, Spock? Is that what you really want? Think! What are you feeling? Rage, jealousy--have you ever had those feelings before?" Spock is clearly affected by this, and says it's impossible, since he's a Vulcan. Bones sees his opening, saying "The Vulcan you knew won't exist for another 5000 years! Think, man! What's happening on your planet right now, at this very moment?" Spock answers with the facts, and Bones tells him flat-out what's going on: he's reverting. Spock falls quiet, and says, "I've lost myself. I do not know who I am."

Bones is specifically structuring his responses (both here and earlier) to cause Spock to evaluate himself--to think, which has always has grounded Spock. Bones indirectly (so that Spock doesn't feel as threatened by the accusation) indicates that Spock's being too emotional. He wants Spock to see for himself that something's wrong, so Bones asks questions or makes open-ended statements so that Spock will have to respond. He also provides enough evidence (pointing out the emotions Spock is feeling) to prove he has a point and guide Spock towards a conclusion. He's talking Spock through it, using reason and logic, which Spock has always responded to. Bones' questions are also phrased so that the answers are objective facts--he's bringing Spock back to the verifiable, Spock's comfort zone. Finally, he does the analysis for Spock, telling him what's undeniably happening, but leaves the course of action open to Spock, so that he can regain control of himself by deciding how to proceed. Bones smoothly and logically guided Spock to the delicate realization he needed to have.

Of Bread and Circuses

Then of course we have this iconic exchange. Jim's been separated from the both of them and they are all in danger. Spock is pulling at the bars although he knows it will be futile.

Bones calls him out on this, and then thanks him for saving his life. When Spock brushes him off and keeps his walls up, Bones says, "I know why you're not afraid to die, Spock. You're more afraid of living. Every day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip--and let your human half peek out." Spock is silent and looks away, and Bones continues, now smiling slightly: "That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling." His face makes it clear he's gently baiting Spock, who then looks back at Bones and says, "Really, Doctor?" Bones replies softly, "I know. I'm worried about Jim, too."

First thing: Spock's theme starts playing when Bones corners him. So we're supposed to get that Bones is really laying him bare. But starting from the beginning of the scene, Bones recognizes Spock's anxiety through his illogical behavior. He takes the time to thank Spock for saving his life, in an effort to remind Spock that he is competent and in control--basically, trying to calm Spock down and reassure him. When Spock refuses to deal with his emotions productively, Bones is having none of it, and shows Spock just how much he knows. He can tell Spock isn't worried for himself ("you're not afraid to die") but also is well aware of Spock's actual fears (which are coloring his current behavior towards Bones). Basically, Bones is saying, "this facade of yours can't keep me out. You're understood. You're not alone." Saying it in those terms, though, would just make Spock feel weak for unsuccessfully trying to mask his behavior, so Bones frames it as a gentle challenge. When Spock looks away, he can tell he's hit the nail on the head, and he smiles because he's getting through to him. His face as he says "you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling" telegraphs to the audience that he's not actually serious, but is looking for a response. And he gets it--Spock acknowledges, as Bones had intended, that he is currently dealing with emotions. And that's where Bones wanted to get him, because now that he's admitted it, he can move forward; but Bones doesn't want this admission to go unrewarded, and definitely doesn't want Spock to go on believing that Bones meant what he'd said about not knowing what to do with feelings, so he again tells Spock that he understands what's really going on, but without challenge this time. He just accepts it and reassures Spock that he's not alone: "I know. I'm worried about Jim too." They're in it together, and now that Spock is a little more vulnerable, he's able to see that Bones is right beside him.

So that was a lot, but there is definitely even more. Basically, give Bones the appreciation he deserves, because his emotional intuition is off the charts. (After all, as he is so fond of reminding us, he is a doctor!)

[inbarfink]

Kris, as someone who is almost college-aged, may be very tired of the freedom to make their own choices. the freedom that kris wants may instead be freedom from the crushing weight of the decisions forced on them by the approach of adulthood. after all, kris seems to gravitate towards people like Susie who don't make them choose things, and felt "immense relief" after reading the sign on the "teen zone" that said "The TeenZone: Where Teen's can be Kid's!".

in addition to this, the flavor text for the birdcage in chapter 2 says that "there's no escape" implying that if Kris and the Soul went their separate ways, the Soul would be the one escaping rather than kris.

And when Kris sees Spamton freed from his wires, maybe whats going on is that they see exactly what they fear the most: that the freedom to choose may only be the freedom to fall.

It may be that the purpose the player serves is as a crutch, until the day that Kris can stand on their own. an imperfect substitute for Kris's own choices, but for the time being, a necessary one. In the end, what choices you made won't matter except for the fact that you made choices and by doing so, Kris will be able to reach a point where they no longer need you.

I believe that in the end, Kris's friends, the people of hometown, will rally to Kris, either to help Kris let go of you or to force you to let go of Kris. Kris will be free to make their own choices, surrounded by people ready to catch them should they fall.

Well, this is certainly an interesting and unique perspective, and there's some cool character development ideas here, buuuuut..... personally, with the information we have now (which admittedly, isn't a lot. It's important to remember that until we get a real good look at the real uncontrolled Kris almost all of the info we have about them is speculative and inferred).... I am not really seeing it?????

I mean, the thing is, there does seem to be a thread with Kris holding on to their childhood. Susie keeps teasing them about being childish, there's the TeenZone thing like you mentioned, and plus they're the only one in their class still wearing a Striped Shirt (the Universal Sign of Being a Kid).

But from the glimpse of Kris' Hometown life we've seen.... I don't remember any indication that they are BURDENED with choices in any significant way? We haven't seen anyone, like, giving them stressful responsibilities or prodding them about what they're gonna do when they grow up?

It's not like we haven't had opportunities to establish this idea. In the Chapter 1 Epilogue, Toriel talks about the idea of Kris going to College once they graduate high-school as a given. If Fox wanted to establish this idea of Kris being intimidated by the unstoppable encroachment of adulthood, why wasn’t this conversation instead about the possibilities of what Kris will do after graduation? Are they gonna go to college? What will they major in? Do they want to take a gap year to go on a trip? Do they want to start working right away?

And again, an aversion to Adulthood doesn't HAVE to mean an aversion to Freedom. Plenty of the adult characters we see around Hometown don't seem praticularly "freer" compared to the teens. Plenty of them don't seem to have made a real Choice about who they are.

After all the line was "No one can choose who they are in this world". This isn't about just one person or a group of people not having choices, in the world of Deltarune, no one can choose.

(This is also my answer to your point about the SOUL\The Player. Like yeah, we know that we are forced into controlling Kris. We know that Kris is the one capable of pulling us in or out of their body. Buuuut also none of that means Kris IS truly free to make their choices. No One Can Choose.

Kris is the one ordering their party and making choices but they're actually controlled by us, but we have no choice but to control them and they might feel forced into containing us, and we're railroaded into one set story path and the only way to break out of it is to follow Spamton's evil plan and Spamton just wants to become [[Big]] enough to be free but [[Freedom]] is always just out of his reach and I bet whoever has been manipulating him ALSO feels like they're deprived of choices... No one is free, it's just puppet-strings all the way up.

[nightinngales]

Hello there, sorry for the question and if you don't feel comfortable with it just ignore it. But the thing is you are the only blog that I follow that talked about adhd and I have read a lot about it on the internet and it seems that my friends kid has a lot of the symptoms but in my country it's not talked about it and there isn't any specialists for that as the kid has been to so many psychiatrists and doctors but they haven't even mention the possibility, all I have read about is from American sites, there isn't even any info about it in my native language. So my question is how do you actually cope with adhd, how can you suppress the symptoms and how it's actually treated?

ok strap in cause this will be long. under a read more because hella long 

Treatment Options: 

adhd is usually treated with stimulants, such as adderall or ritalin, which at least in the us, are controlled substances and you have to have a new script written every month in order to refill it. there are a few non-stimulant alternatives, like straterra, but i never noticed a difference while i was on them. 

How do you cope with symptoms? 

most people with adhd, even undiagnosed, end up self-medicating, usually by unconsciously seeking out stimulants that help them focus. lots of non-diagnosed people with adhd end up addicted to caffeine or cigarettes because they are both stimulants and can mimic the effects of medication (for a short time). however, it’s a game of diminishing returns. without moderation, your body eventually builds up a tolerance to substances like this, requiring more and more of it to produce the same effect. in medicine, this is called the “therapeutic level”: the amount of a drug needed in the bloodstream to actually produce an effect. 

why is this important? because, basically, even if you self-medicate with stimulants - you can only go so far. you can only drink so much coffee, or smoke so many cigarettes. eventually none of it will help, and merely keep you operating at a baseline, with detrimental effects should you drop off on usage (see: caffeine withdrawal). 

what’s more important, especially if you’re not able to be medicated, is learning how to cope and adapt to the symptoms of adhd. this is called compensating. for some this is automatic, as your brain adapts to the deficiencies. but, a lot of the time, it’s actually not possible to just make the symptoms go away. it’s a neurological deficit. no amount of coping skill will magically cure the condition - but you can learn to live with it. 

as far as coping techniques go... it depends on the severity of the symptoms, the age of the child, and the type of adhd they have (there’s actually several). what works for one person with adhd won’t work for everyone. my suggestion is this: 

identify the child’s “struggle” areas: what do they have the most problem with? for example: 

 emotional regulation - temper tantrums, massive mood swings, rejection sensitive dysphoria (look for MASSIVE downswings in mood when disciplined), overstimulation (do they get irritable when crowded or too much is going on?)

 hyperactivity - this can also present as anxiety in some kids. if your kid isn’t visibly hyper, check for other tells: fidgeting, nail biting, leg shaking, rocking, other symptoms of general anxiety - this can actually be a sign of hyperactivity, and the child finding other ways to burn off or cope with excess energy. 

focus, listening, “zoning out” - inattention, unable to stay focused, could also be hyperfixating. as a kid i had an issue where i could hyperfixate and totally tune out anyone who spoke to me. i genuinely would NOT hear things even if people were screaming at me. 

audio processing issues - if a kid doesn’t seem to be able to understand when spoken to, or lags behind (ex: asking “what?” and then, seconds later, answering appropriately as their brain processes what was said) 

learning difficulties - specifically check for issues with classes focusing on reading (such as their native language), and math in particular. dyslexia and dyscalculia are extremely common with adhd. get them tutoring or extended time on tests 

memory issues - does the child seem to say “i forgot” an inordinate amount? it could be a symptom of adhd. people with adhd often have issues with memory. 

Once you identify the problem areas, you can work on trying to help that child learn to cope with those issues. 

They have issues with emotional regulation or overstimulation? Give them a personal timeout button. Any time that kid needs a break and solo time, let them step away and isolate. It can help them manage their emotions and have a moment to process them in private where they won’t feel judged. It is important however that if you do this, don’t hold it against them. If they feel like you’re going to punish them for taking a time out to isolate, that just defeats the purpose. 

For hyperactivity, aggression, or impulsivity, find them an outlet to burn off energy. Get a punching bag, or some kind of active activity they enjoy. Even an active video game could help. 

Focus & listening, memory: Unfortunately there’s really no easy way to fix this. This is an issue with a frontal lobe deficiency. The ADHD person can try to come up with ways to manage it, but it will be an uphill battle. To-do lists and post-it notes and all of that type of stuff will not work. Luckily, they will likely get better at this as they get older. 

For learning difficulties, support them. Literally just support them. One of the major issues with ADHD is that it can present with RSD - rejection sensitive dysphoria. Any failure (perceived or actual) can send their mood absolutely plummeting into the shitter and kill their self-esteem and confidence. Don’t use blame-y language like “you didn’t try hard enough” or “If you could just pay attention...” etc. They’re trying. Trust me. They’re trying. And if they aren’t, it’s because they tried, and tried, and tried, and continued to fail with no encouragement, so they gave up. Encourage them. Support them. And prop them up when they do fail. Applaud their wins, no matter how small, and minimize their losses - make them realize a failure is not permanent, and they can always recover from it. This is super, super important for ADHD people with RSD because it’s so easy for them to give up on themselves. 

With RSD especially, be very careful of criticism, especially with kids. Their emotions are volatile, and RSD can lead to sudden, severe swings into suicidal ideation if it’s bad enough. If that child has RSD, they’re going to need a lot of support until they learn to manage their emotions better. 

With memory issues... Jury’s still out on that one. I’ve tried everything from calendars to post-it notes to alarms on my phone and still haven’t found one that actually works.  

And keep in mind: ADHD presentation not only differs by gender, but also tends to shift over time as they grow older. No one “grows” out of ADHD, they just get better at compensating for it. 

Girls tend to be less disruptive than boys. Less aggression, less acting out, but may still present with inattentiveness or other signs of hyperactivity (such as anxious tics/fidgeting). 

And lastly - ADHD tends to run in families. If one kid has it, it’s likely that another kid will have it, or one of the parents will have it, even if undiagnosed. I was diagnosed at 15. My mom was diagnosed 10 years later at 45. She’d spent her whole life compensating for a disorder she didn’t realize she had until she’d asked me one day what it felt like and realized she had a lot of the same issues I did. If possible, the parents should get tested as well. One or even both of them could be living with ADHD and not even know it. 

[hongism]

bts reaction: finding out you have an eating disorder (maknae line)

Summary: You haven’t been well recently, he can tell that much. But he didn’t know what was causing it or how you’ve managed to lose so much weight in such a short amount of time. That is, until he sees the reason with his own two eyes.

Genre: Angst

Words: 3594 

Warning: may be triggering to some people, deals with eating disorders and some graphic depictions of eating disorders. i do not cover all types of eating disorders within this reaction, the ones i do mention without saying the names are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa - please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable

Jimin:

Jimin of all people believes he can understand you best. He's been in your shoes, had the same nagging persistent thoughts that take over his whole being, and tried to fight them off alone the way you have. You are more than aware of that. That thought is constantly on the edge of your mind, hanging around those toxic thoughts that make you do the things you do. On more than one occasion, you find yourself about to spill all your secrets and share all the dirty little things you've been hiding to preserve your dignity. His sweet smile and concerned eyes stop you in your tracks each time.

He can't know.

He can't see you be so weak.

You have to be perfect for him, and thus, he can never know what you're doing to reach that point. 

So every time he asks if you're alright, you plaster the same smile onto your lips and reassure him that everything is fine. Because it is. You keep telling yourself that day in and day out. Each time you bend over the toilet and push two fingers to the back of your mouth until the gagging start, you remind yourself that everything is fine. You have this under control. You know what you're doing. You won't let it get worse. It is simply necessary from time to time.

"Hey, Y/N." Jimin startles you out of your thoughts, and you relax your hands that have curled into tight fists without your knowledge. He doesn't question what you were doing, for which you are quite grateful because you wouldn't really have an answer for him. You were just sitting staring at the black screen of the TV, thinking about when you're going to throw up next and how often you need to do so to drop those two more pounds. Just...fine...everything is fine. Only two more pounds, right? Then you'll be perfect? But the nagging voices in the back of your mind tell you that you should know better. Two isn't enough. Nothing is enough. When will this end? "Y/N? Are you listening?"

"Sorry, what?" You shake yourself out of your thoughts again. Jimin peers at you. That plastered smile finds it way onto your lips. "I zoned out."

"I asked if you want to get some takeout and have a movie night? I'm feeling a bit lazy and don't want to make dinner." Takeout? You want to throw up at the thought of it. Instead of responding, you begin counting mentally. Jimin sees the way you zone out again. "Y/N, are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" You don't mean to snap, but your tone comes as an attack anyways. Jimin takes a step back. "Sorry, I didn't--I wasn't trying to...I'm sorry, Jimin. Uh--"

"Hey, don't worry about it, Y/N. It's okay. You just startled me." He squats down to look you in the eye. "Are you sure everything is alright?"

"Yea, I'm sure. I just didn't sleep well last night, and this headache won't leave me alone." The little white lies slip through your teeth before you can think twice. "Takeout sounds good, let's get some. I'll eat whatever you have, so you go ahead and order." The words are difficult to squeeze out, but you feel as though you have to make up for snapping at him moments ago.

Thirty minutes later, you're seated on the couch with a bowl of intimidating takeout in your lap. Jimin sits on your left, already digging into his food, but you can't bring yourself to do so yet. The movie plays, background noise to the thoughts rampaging through your mind.

You can't eat this. You'll get fat. Don't even take a bite. One bite and you have to go two days without eating. No, that's too little. Three days. And purging. You have to purge it all. Don't eat it.

"Y/N? Is the food not good?" Jimin's sickly sweet tone rises above the voices. You look to him. The plastered smile shakes as you wear it.

"It's good, sorry." It isn't enough to ease his worries. You can't escape it. You force yourself to take a bite. All the sudden, your eyes sting. God, it tastes so good. When was the last time you let yourself eat something like this? It hurts to swallow, yet you do so anyways. Another bite, all you want is to take another bite, but those voices are screaming inside your head. You fight them off in favor of indulging in another bite. When the food hits your tongue, a strangled sob bursts from your mouth. 

Jimin grabs the remote and stops the movie within an instant.

"Y/N? What's wrong?" He grabs hold of your shoulders.

"It tastes so good," you say through your cries. "It tastes so good, and I don't want to purge it but I know I have to." You aren't thinking straight, because if you were, you would never let those words slip from your lips. You would never let him know your weakness. As Jimin processes what you're saying, his expression crumbles.

"Oh love, is that what you've been doing? Y/N, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I didn't notice. You don't have to purge it, Y/N. It's good to let your body have these things every once in a while. You don't have to purge anything from here on out, okay? I've got you." He gently takes the bowl out of your hands and places it on the table so he can pull you into his lap. Shame burns you, and you can't even bear to look at him. "It's okay, Y/N. I know how hard it is, but you won't go through this alone anymore, okay? I'm here to help you."

Taehyung:

You would like to think that this has not always been a problem, but then if you try to convince yourself of that fact, you would be lying to yourself as you always do. Often, you find tears on your cheeks, one that fall without you consciously thinking about it, and it certainly is not out of pity for yourself. No, what breaks your heart is the fact that Taehyung found you when you were already so deep in your demons that you saw no hope of escaping them.

And if you were being honest — again, a difficult thing, but it always is in these kinds of situations — you still don't see much of that light at the end of the tunnel that people claim to see. 

Taehyung would say there's a light, if he knew. You guess it should be more heartbreaking how Taehyung doesn't know the demons you struggle with, but the only person to blame for that is, again, yourself. You can't count on two hands the amount of opportunities you have had to tell him about it. He would be oh so supportive and hopeful for you. You know that. You know that. Yet, still, you cannot bring yourself to tell him. Instead, you cover up with lies.

"I can't eat a lot."

"My weight fluctuates all the time."

"I have a sensitive stomach."

And you suppose the lies are easier to get away with because this is something you've dealt with since before you met Taehyung. 

Despite that, there is a constant vision of a countdown imprinted on the forefront of your thoughts. You are running out of time, and one of these days, you are going to slip up in front of Taehyung. One of those little demons is going to push too hard. 

As you thought, it was only a matter of time, and something pushed. You pulled without hesitation, listening to the cries of a desire to be smaller — just smaller and less. They tell you that you take up too much space, and hell, you can't get it out of your mind. Less, and less. You see Taehyung less and less. Any time you spend with him is spent sleeping. Well, you are supposed to be watching movies with him, but you fall asleep within minutes because your body doesn't want to function any longer than it has to. Being on the couch is easy enough for you to handle — that requires zero strength, and you can just sit there in your weakness happily. 

Nights like tonight are easy. You haven't fallen asleep quite yet, but you certainly aren't paying any attention to the movie on the screen — they took away any enjoyment you might have found in these kinds of things long ago. Taehyung loves it though, and so whatever makes him happy, makes you happy. No, your thoughts are elsewhere. On your arms, your wrists, fingers. The bruises that showed up on the knuckles of your index and middle finger over a week ago and still haven't faded in the slightest. 

"Y/N?" Shit. Maybe you weren't paying enough attention to the screen. When you look up, the screen is frozen, and you nearly think that time is stuck in place. In reality, Taehyung has the remote in hand and blinks at you with eyes that you could always get lost in.

"Yes?"

"I know you don't like it when I bring this up…" You're already practicing the next set of lies to deter him from the topic. "I'm worried though. You say that this is normal, but you've—I've never—your weight has never—"

"I think it's just a rough patch," you interrupt, pressing a smile onto your lips.

"Is something else going on?"

"No."

"Y/N—"

"Everything is okay!"

"Y/N, if it isn't…I just want to help you. You can tell me anything. You don't have to deal with this alone."

"Deal with what?" Your voice climbs in volume, the frequency at which you blink is increasing, and you think your whole body might be shaking but everything feels a bit hazy. "There's nothing to deal with," you insist, because dammit if you've kept it a secret all this time, then you can't slip now.

"You never want to do anything except watch movies anymore. I miss going to the park and museums with you. We don't even eat together nowadays." Taehyung is picking at his nails, knee bouncing up and down, avoiding looking you in the eye, but you don't get the sense that it's because he's embarrassed about his words. Rather, at least in your eyes, it seems as though he isn't interested in looking at you in the first place. Like he doesn't want to see you. Your chest aches when that thought invades your mind.

"Am I…am I not—not good enough anymore?" The demon gets the better of you, and the frightened words come out before you can stop yourself.

Now he's looking you in the eye. The frown across his lips turns to a dropped jaw. "Baby, that's not it. Of course that's not it. I love you. I love you so so much. I'm sorry if I made you think that…no, I love you no matter what. I'm just worried about you and your health."

Here it is. Another chance, an opportunity to tell the truth.

"Thank you. I'm sorry for what I said. Why don't we go to the park now? It's always prettiest when the street lamps are on." 

Another missed opportunity, that is. 

You aren't sure that your body can handle even making it down the elevator, let alone walking around the park. You hate that your weakness slipped through the cracks, and that Taehyung saw that part of you. This is the only way to make it up to him, isn't it? You stand up, and the room spins around you — or maybe you're falling? You can't tell anymore. You don't even feel it when Taehyung grabs hold of you, but you feel the sting of your knees hitting the wood floor before he's able to get to you.

"Y/N, please." His voice is too desperate, and it cuts too deep. "I'm so sorry, baby." 

Why is he apologizing? Of all people, shouldn't it be you? That’s what they tell you. You should be the guilty one. 

"I'm so sorry I didn't help sooner. I was scared, and I didn't want to face the reality that it might be an eating disorder."

"It's not," you choke out. He's still behind you, and while you can't see the tears, you hear the sobs. "It's not, Tae. It's nothing. I'm fine. Please."

"Baby, please. It's okay. I truly do love you no matter what. I know I should've stepped in sooner, but I didn't—I had no idea how hard it was for you." There's nothing you can say in response. With your walls of defense down, vulnerability hits. Taehyung brings you into his lap and cradles you close to his chest as you sob. "I've got you. We're gonna get through this together, okay? Trust me, Y/N."

Jungkook:

Jungkook is not nearly as naive and oblivious as people often make him out to be. For years he has been quietly watching his hyungs from the sidelines. He can tell when someone is bothering one of them without hesitation. He always makes sure everyone else is well before himself. When your relationship started, things were very much the same way. As you got to know him better, you saw how quickly he could pick up on little things and even the slightest issues in your mood or behavior. You were alright with it for quite some time, at least before your mind began collapsing on itself.

You couldn't really pinpoint the moment it started if someone asked you to, because you never cared much to think about the gritty details. You could call it a tumble into the most wretched parts of your life, the embarrassing and shameful things you do out of a belief that it is a necessity. While others would call them mistakes, you would never. In your mind, it has never been a mistake. A choice, perhaps not the best one you've made in your life, but the one that brings you the most happiness. 

Well, to be more correct, the happiness comes after the fact. You find absolutely no pleasure in shoving two fingers to the back of your throat and tasting the food that comes up your throat again. It is disgusting, revolting, whatever word you want to call it -- it certainly is not pleasurable. Yet, the joy comes afterwards, sitting back on your knees to view your handiwork with a swelling sense of pride that maybe this time you managed to bring more up than the last. Maybe you feel a bit emptier than you did last time. 

The joy trickles into other aspects of life, but nothing that anyone else would probably find joy in. Jungkook loves the aftermath of a workout, the feeling that he has worked hard. He loves the stage that he sings and dances on, the fans who watch him perform, the music he gets to partake in day in and day out. He enjoys playing a good video game, snapping pictures left and right of things he finds beautiful, and shooting videos because he adores the science behind editing and film.

And what do you enjoy?

Emptiness.

Clothes that fit loose when they used to fit well.

How your cheeks hollow after a "good" day of eating.

The sensation of queasiness that arises after half a meal.

Those are the things you enjoy. Funny, isn't it? How killing yourself slowly brings such joy? You've heard the horror stories time and time again, but you relax in the thought that you are different than the others. You know your limits. You won't let it get out of hand.

Jungkook's oh so perceptive eye is always your main concern. You don't want to bother him with your problems, and you would much rather struggle alone than let him see or know your efforts. You suppose your only shield is the fact that you don't look like there's an issue. You look normal, at least normal enough to not draw his worried eyes.

It's hard more often than not, to go through such pain alone. You only let yourself cry when no one is around, curled up on the floor. You reflect in those moments, thinking about everything under the sun. Half the time, it's what your eating and purging plans are for the next week, whether you need to buy more laxatives, and what your calorie limits are. The other half of the time, you consider how you don't deserve to have someone as perfect as Jungkook. 

That's where you find yourself now, back against the fridge as you stare blankly at the cabinet in front of you. The tear tracks aren't dry yet, still leaving a sticky path on your cheeks. You don't really have the strength to get up, but you know you need to because you just ate and it needs to be out of your system fast. Ten minutes. That's all the time you have until Jungkook is supposed to get here with the promise of a nice evening date. There's no way you have enough time to purge via laxatives, and you have to be quick about it so you can make yourself look more presentable when he gets here. 

You get to your feet, heading to the bedroom first so you can change into you date clothes. You've had enough practice to be confident that you won't make a mess of things and can get it done quickly. 

At least, you thought you could, because as you stand over the toilet, face red from the effort, your body doesn't cooperate with you. Only hideous gag noises. You're about to cry again simply because the food refuses to come up, but you don't think you can afford to keep it down. You pull your fingers out of your mouth to catch your breath, the strain of trying leaving you with a heaving chest. 

Yet when you move your fingers back to your mouth, they stop halfway, and not on your own accord.

"Y/N."

A surge of cold rushes through you, hitting from head to toe.

Jungkook's fingers are wrapped around your wrist, preventing you from bringing your hand any closer to your mouth. How long has he been here? What did he see?

"Let's get you cleaned up." The fact that he doesn't ask what you're doing tells you enough, and you're sure that he can see that the redness on your face isn't from embarrassment. There's nothing you can say as he helps you to your feet. He says nothing either, lifting you onto the counter with ease and washing your hand under cold water. 

"Jungkook—"

"We don't have to talk about it if you aren't ready to." He doesn't look at you, rather keeps his eyes stuck to your fingers.

"…I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry just for my sake. I understand this must be hard for you, considering you've probably kept this hidden for awhile and didn't want me to know. I just couldn't stand by and watch you do this to yourself."

"I'm sorry." Now he looks at you, and you understand why he was trying to avoid eye contact. Tears are a rare sight on his face, but here they are and you are the cause. 

"No, I should be sorry. I pride myself on being able to see when people close to me are struggling. How did I miss it with you? One of the most important people in my life…and I missed it?" He tries to turn away. You catch his cheek with your free hand, cupping it, and he leans into the touch almost instinctively.

"None of this is your fault, Jungkook. Please don't blame yourself. I was trying to hide it." He shuts off the faucet and dries the water without a word. You keep talking as though it will fix the situation. "I should've told you, because then this wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't feel like it's your fault—" 

He stops you by placing his arms on either side of you and staring you in the eye, face deadpan. Still no words fall from his lips. His gaze just drifts around your face as though analyzing your every feature.

"I won't let this happen again." A laugh falls from your lips before you can stop yourself, and the tone is as bitter as the bile that lingers in the back of your throat. "You don't believe me?"

"It's not, Jungkook. It's just that I don't think it has to be your responsibility."

"You say it as though it's a chore."

"And if this is what makes me happy?" You counter.

"I want to do this for you." He leans forward, letting his forehead press against yours. "And I want to see you in the place you were before all this, even if I don't know exactly when that was. I know you're strong enough to move forward, and I want to support you along the way. Please, baby?"

"I'm scared," you whisper in response. 

"I am too, but I'm more scared of you staying in this place of mind alone."

"You promise you'll stay?" The warm breath of his laugh fans across your cheeks.

"As long as you'll have me." It's your turn to laugh again, but it is genuine this time, and Jungkook lands a soft kiss on your cheek before muttering an "I love you" against the shell of your ear.

for the hyung line version, click here

written by: moonlightlino

all gifs belong to their owners

[caffeinatedtimdrake]

what about a damian x reader for 46, 47, 58 and 30 where reader is a 'ghost' or someone who isn't noticed by many and is mainly the second option of everyone and is damian's bestfriend and then one day she juts distances herself and stops talking because she feels like she's just damian's second option and he'll forget her in the end?make it angsty (just light pls.) and fluffy in the end please.

I hope this is okay anon! 2.8k of (older!)Damian x female!reader fluff ft a sprinkling of angst.

30.“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!” 46.“I thought you forgot about me.” “Never.” 47.“I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” “Then stop looking.” 58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.”

Spring hangs in the air, sweet with sunshine and apple blossoms, and silence hangs between you and Damian like the tendrils of a weeping willow beneath a pristinely blue sky. A week-long break lay ahead of you, but a metaphorical storm cloud brooded over your head and dampened any inkling of exaltation you might feel about several days of freedom. 

The grass is green with life, but you are green with envy, failing to suppress the bitter sensation of jealously flitting around in the pit of your stomach. 

Damian’s eyes are green too, a heated and tangled rainforest flecked with gold and turquoise, as he watches you from the corner of his eye. 

“You’re unimpressed.” 

“What? No way! I think it’s totally cool that you and Jon are training more together. Super son connections and stuff. It’s neat. Really, Dami.” 

He narrows his eyes, studying the profile of your face with intense predatory conjecture, but you keep your gaze glued straight ahead, barely scuffing your sneakers on the asphalt sidewalk. 

You know that if he meets your eyes, he’ll see the storm of insecurity brewing in your soul, and you don’t think you can bear to be so vulnerable right now. 

He bites his bottom lip for a moment in speculation. If he wants to pry, he resists the urge. 

“Yes, I suppose. Sometimes I’d like nothing more than to stuff a sock in his mouth and punt him across a field, but he’s a relatively suitable training partner. There are certain things he seems to inherently understand, despite occasional moronic comments.” 

You wonder to yourself if those are things you’d never be able to understand, even if you tried.

“He seems like a good guy.” You surmise in a flat tone that hopefully isn’t too telling of your agitation. 

He nods slowly, like he’s unsure of whether or not to completely agree.

“Are we going to get dinner tonight?” 

Damian sighs. “No, Tim is revamping the security system at the house and wants to show me.”

“Bagels on Saturday?” 

He winces a little and shoots you what might be an embarrassed smile. “Can we accomplish that in less than half an hour? 

“Yes? Probably not enjoyably, though.” You answer hesitantly, something like discomfort and hesitation swirling in your stomach because you feel a little bit like you’re stepping on his toes. 

“I am scheduled to spend the day training with Jon and Jaime at an obscure base off the coast.”

“Oh.” You blink at the ground. 

Damian shrugs disinterestedly. “I think I prefer going through drills with the older heroes, though. They provide more of a challenge. Jon can get predictable and boring.” 

“Boring?” 

“Indeed. Repetition is so arduous. I am entirely disengaged when we spar for too long because I can precisely anticipate his moves. Then I leave him and challenge someone who keeps me a little busier.”

You inhale sharply at this, gripping the straps of your backpack until your knuckles turn white. 

Damian can’t help but frown at this. “What’s wrong?” 

Just worried you’re going to tire of our friendship and leave me forever, that’s all. 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” 

“You’re wrinkling your nose in that little way that says you’re thinking too hard about something and I’m alarmed.”

You relax your face immediately, blinking and flushing pink. “No. I’m fine, really.”

“I don’t believe you, Y/N.”

You shoot him a glare.

“You don’t look fine.” 

You bristle. “Then stop looking, Damian.” 

He mutters something heatedly under his breath that sounds an awful lot like, “Impossible,” but you let it roll off your shoulders. 

“Tell me more about training. Are you the shortest of all the Titans?” 

He grimaces. “For now. I’m practically Wally’s height now. But don’t change the subject, Y/N. I know something weighs heavily on your mind.” You can feel his gaze allay minutely, tender concern softening his sharp, boyish features. “You can always talk to me, you know.” 

You shake your head dismissively, heat lingering in your cheeks. “It’s nothing. Speaking of weight, who do you think is the heaviest? You think Cyborg’s metal parts are that heavy?” 

Damian glowers, halting in front of the path that leads up to your house. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” 

You nod pliantly, slowly meandering away from him. “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it.” You say with a lump in your throat, while the worry in his soul pours through those coniferous eyes, brows knit together and nose slightly wrinkled. 

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. Have a good break, Damian! Bye!” You chirp and duck inside your house, locking it firmly and sliding down the cool expanse of wood until you were seated on the ground, heart aching. 

You know that if Damian really wanted, he could easily unlock your door or slip in through a window. 

But he doesn’t. Instead, he watches you flee potentially vulnerable conversation with a funny little sting of disappointment across his heart. When he doesn’t break into your house and wrap you in a bear hug, you feel that same sting. 

It has been three whole days since you’d heard Damian’s voice and you feel a black hole rapidly expanding in your heart, swallowing your sense of reason and applying pressure to your deepest vulnerabilities. 

You’ve texted each other sporadically – apparently Bruce is teaching him a new tech program and the Batcave isn’t good for his cellphone reception – and he’s sent you only two funny kitten videos. 

You hate the sticky, whiny sentiment of clingy behavior; you’ve always tried to avoid being too dependent on and too invested in anyone. You can’t help the deeply affectionate attachment you feel for Damian. His friendship matters to you more than any friendship has before; a deep, soulful amity of both comfortable confidence and new boundaries.

Granted, things are a little different in the moment; you can’t confide in him because he’s the object of your insecurity and that would be too far outside your comfort zone, throwing yourself into the open ocean without swim lessons or flotation devices. 

As you lay on a fuzzy rug in the middle of your bedroom, you have a hard time swallowing the truth: you are too afraid to tell Damian that it makes you jealous and insecure when he hangs out with other prodigal vigilante youth because, like in your darkest nightmares, he could realize that you’ll never be quite like him and leave you floundering in the lonely, murky solitude from which he had saved you. 

Before Damian, you’d been a wallflower, but you never felt that you bloomed in a slow and beautiful way like the roses and ivy across the bricks of Wayne manor. Forming connections wasn’t your strong suit to begin with, a childhood plagued by years of immense shyness and an adolescence filled with what felt like perpetual inferiority. You struggled to find a place amongst your peers, chosen last for sports teams in gym class and simply forgotten in group projects, and you struggled to find yourself. 

Since Damian arrived in a whirlwind of wisdom and fire, he has helped you excavate and dig to discover who you truly are. 

You’re getting a little carried away thinking about the pretty curl of his mouth when your phone rings. 

“Speak of the devil,” you mutter before rolling onto your stomach and swiping to answer.

“Y/N?” 

“Hi, Dami.” His name is sweet on your tongue, anxieties aside. 

“Hello, Y/N. How have your days off from school been so far?” 

You lay your chin on the ground and flop your head onto its right side, sighing deeply. “Nothing overly spectacular.” You glance over at your unopened backpack. “I’ve done some homework, but that’s about it. You?” 

I’ve also thought of you excessively, you say to yourself. 

“Simply more training. I called because I was wondering if you would like to come over and eat dinner. A few of the other trainees might be around.”

You sit up quickly, as if you must compose yourself even over the phone to have any chance at impressing these people.

The fear of inferiority crawls up your spine, poisonous. “I can’t.” 

“Oh?” 

“Y-yup.”

Over the phone, you can practically hear the way his eyes narrow into suspicious slits. “Why not?”

“Plans. I have plans.” You twist your fingers nervously in the rug. 

“Hm. Like what? With whom?” 

Before he can chase you with questions and expose that absolute lie, you blurt, “Sorry, Dami, I gotta go. Talk to you later! Have fun tonight!”

You end the call and fling your phone across the room, falling back onto the ground with a pained groan. 

Damian wasn’t raised to express fear. Instead, he was taught to embrace it and mold it into a source of control and strength. However, currently, he’s slumped across the couch on his stomach with only one boot and an arm thrown over his head and he looks anything but powerful: he looks like a distraught teenage boy. 

Tim quirks an eyebrow and nudges Damian’s ankle. “You missing something, kid?”

Damian harrumphs and waves a hand dismissively. 

Jason locks eyes with Tim from the other side of the couch and shrugs. 

“A shoe, your dignity, a sense of reason…?” 

Damian raises his head from the cushion to glower at Tim, hair mussed and cheeks pink. “Yes, maybe, and no.”

“Well, I can’t help much with the personal crisis, but you’ve gotta start somewhere so here’s your other boot.” Tim drops it gently onto Damian’s back. “I’m here for moral support. We head out for recon in twenty.” 

Face still shoved in the couch, Damian manages to wiggle around and tug on his shoe. When he goes limp again, Jason decides the only thing he can do is plop down on top of his adoptive younger brother. 

Save for several expletives and minor squirming, Damian doesn’t put up much of a fight. 

“What’s wrong, Dami? You’re acting an awful lot like…an insufferable teenage boy. Hormonal changes are tough, I know.” 

“I am fine, Jason.”

Jason settles in and gets more comfortable atop the lanky boy. “I don’t buy it,” 

“You don’t have to.”

“Should we give Y/N a call?”

Damian stiffens gracelessly and Jason barks out a laugh, titling back his head and practically cackling in amusement. “So that’s the problem, huh?”

“Define problem.” Damian says cautiously.

“You and Y/N are experiencing a rough patch and you’ve no idea how to smooth things over again? She hasn’t talked to you properly in days and you’re scared of losing her?” Jason muses, pleasantly surprised that Damian hasn’t flung him across the study yet. 

Damian moves his head so his cheek rests against the leather of the couch. “Perhaps.”

“How are you going to make things better?” 

Damian frowns. “Isn’t that what you, the seemingly experienced and doting older brother figure, should elucidate?” 

Jason grins, warm and playful, patting Damian’s shoulder and standing up. “Communication is key. You don’t know what she’s feeling, she doesn’t know what you’re feeling. In all the guesswork, someone is bound to get confused and hurt. More time spent in silence is more time spent in uncertainty. You feel me?” 

“Yes. I also felt your revolver digging into my spine.” 

You’re floating dreamily between that ethereal, cozy place between asleep and awake when you hear a crash from your bedroom. 

Your heart stops and you freeze on the couch where you dozed off to a decade-old princess movie. 

The knives are preoccupied in the dishwasher, so you grab the next best weapon – a large wooden spoon – and shut off the movie, listening intently for the intruder. 

You stealthily wind your way off the couch, across the living room, and through the kitchen. When you start to turn the corner to beeline down the hallway, your nose collides with smooth fabric and a solid surface. 

You yelp and jump back, raising the spoon with your eyes shut tightly, fearfully to whack the intruder blindly and hopefully beat them senseless.

Slender fingers deftly wrap around your wrist and finesse the potential murder weapon from your grasp. When you part your mouth to shriek, the spoon is shoved in your mouth. 

Your eyes snap open to see stormy green orbs and amused skepticism. 

“That spoon is very threatening, Y/N.” Damian’s voice is low, mouth twitching as he feigns temperance. 

You let it clatter to the floor. “Excuse me for feeling threatened. I was under the impression that an intruder had entered my home.”

“Who else would know how to wrangle with your wretched window besides me?” 

He has a point, but you scowl. “I don’t know, the world is a crazy place.”

Something about this softens his sharp, teasing intrigue. “Tell me about it.” 

“You’re always out fighting evil with superpeople. You tell me.” 

“I don’t think there are enough words to explain it.” Damian frowns a little, peeling off his mask, and reaching out to press a finger to your cupid’s bow. You blink at him in confusion, but then he pulls his fingers away and they’re shiny with blood. 

“Oh. Is that mine?” 

“I’m almost one hundred percent certain it isn’t mine.”

You touch the space below your nostrils. “You gave me a nose bleed, Damian Wayne.” 

You let him pull you into the kitchen “Yes, and since you are my best friend, I do not even mind how utterly unsanitary this is.” He muses after he washes his hands and rummages through your cabinet for tissues. 

He rolls a few tissues up and places his hand on your chin to tilt your head back. His fingers are rose petals against your skin. 

You unceremoniously jam the tissues up your nose. “My blood is on your hands, Damian.” You mutter darkly, humorously. 

He meets your eyes, sparkling with a somber sort of reverence and you feel your heart jump into your throat. “And my heart is in yours, Y/N.” He tells you softly and for a moment, you feel like you’re stuck in candied sugar, sweet and fragile. 

“Did someone kick you in the head too hard?” 

“Not quite. Rather, Jason metaphorically knocked some sense into me, as much as I lament admitting this.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Please elaborate.” 

Damian sighs and drops his hands, leaning back to rest against the opposite counter. He’s nothing short of captivating, all long and slender in the moonlight streaming through the window, tousled dark hair and inexplicably emerald eyes, shadows playing across the handsome angles of his face. 

“I thought you forgot about me.” He murmurs, peering at you almost shyly through thick lashes. 

“Never,” You breathe. “That would be impossible. I’m so scared of being clingy, sometimes I wish I could forget you. Other times, I’m simply scared of you.”

This visibly startles him. “I scare you? Of all things in this city? Why me?” 

“Because you saw me when I was invisible. At first, it terrified me. Being seen is being vulnerable. But now? I don’t think I could function properly outside of your line of vision. You see me and I don’t want to go back to being unseen.”

Damian frowns. “I have no plans to terminate this friendship and leave you, Y/N.”

You shoot him a pained look, wincing when you wrinkle your nose in trepidation. “But plans change, Dami. One day, you might wake up and realize you much prefer the company of superhero proteges. Plus, you get bored of training with Jon – who knows if you could simply get bored of being friends with me?” 

He leans into your space and instinctively you lean back, the edge of the counter digging into your waist because he smells of gracefully aged leather and something sharp and sweet, like mint. He reaches a hand up to tenderly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear with a bittersweet smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“Y/N, you mean infinitely more to me than some training exercise or computer program. And you’re fixated on indefinite, hypothetical ‘what if’ questions. I live in a world of probability, not possibility – unless it comes to you. Being without you and your kind smile and appreciation for the little things in life? That is impossible for me. In many ways, without you, I would be blind.”

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you have to shove the tissues further up your nose because you keep sniffling and he’s allowing you a precious glimpse into his tangled soul.

Damian reaches out to squeeze your unoccupied hand, cheeks flushed, rosy pink beneath brilliant bronze. “I know you felt invisible for a long time, but I assure you that you’re anything but. You are seen.”

[missskzbiased]

Sorry to bother you with this but have you ever had that feeling of going through life like a ghost or that you don't belong anywhere and there isn't a place in the world for you it's like you don't fit in anywhere? I'm just asking because I feel like that all the time and honestly I'm tired of it

Well, that's kinda complicated to answer. And don't worry, it isn't a bother. I'm gonna struggle to find the words here, tho, I'm guessing, and I'm gonna cut this here. Beware of LONG answer

I don't know if I'd describe what I felt in that way, 'cause I don't think it was that deep. Although I'm under the impression that I just erased it from my brain, 'cause in a way, I know that it has been a huge issue for me for a long time.

Not belonging anywhere

Yes, especially as I was younger. I simply didn't vibe with people of the same age as me that I knew in real life. I didn't feel like I could let them in, didn't connect to them, therefore I felt like I didn't belong where I was.

I wouldn't say that I felt like a ghost going through life, tho.

Back then, I simply put up with it by having shallow interactions because that was the socially acceptable thing to do. I do cherish some of the memories I have from then and I think building relationships, even if not meaningful ones, helped me later on.

I was lucky enough to find people that I vibed with not long before that. I was also unlucky enough to lose some of them along the way. But nowadays I have people that I care about and that makes me relate to them on some level that gives me a sense of belonging.

If that's a social thing, I'd advise you (not that you asked) to take your time. No one is so "unique" that they can't meet someone they'll vibe with in this world. We all are way more similar to each other than we think we are. Of course, there are people that click with you better, that follow the same patterns of what you think is really meaningful in life or behavior. They won't necessarily come out of nowhere in your life and, sometimes - I think most of time, tbh - we have to go and open that door to meet new people even if it's not a thing in our comfort zone.

Not feeling needed

If you do have a group or few people like that to you and even so you don't feel like you're important in this scenario, I could also get that. I constantly worry about being too much or being nothing to people around me. I feel like I'm not worthy of attention and like I am indeed a good person, and I think I'm fun and stuff, but I can't see how I can be "central" to a group of friends. Like I'm disposable.

If your "friends" make you feel like this, the problem is definitely them. However, in my case, it's something my mind sabotages me with, so it's a me-problem. If that's your case as well, I really wish I could help, but I didn't figure out how to come out of that yet.

Logically, I know that there are people who want me around. Emotionally, sometimes I don't feel like I'm right about that. It's a matter of fighting your own mind and that's hard, so the best I could say is to reasoning this, but also accept how you feel and do something [that I'm not sure of what it is yet] to keep it under control until it becomes an unnatural thought.

Do I fit in?

I'm currently going through some stuff with myself that makes me wonder if I'll ever find something to do. Professionally and as in goals. Like my place in the world, what I should be doing. I consider it as a feeling of "not belonging" so I'm gonna add it here.

I'm a huge defender that things come to our lives when they have to. Of course, we can't wait for them, we have to do something so they can "come to life" but I'm kinda superstitious with this. Maybe because of this or maybe because I have seen a couple of examples in my life, I believe that we all can find something we'll find ourselves in at some point, if we keep aiming for it.

I'm not dumb, and I know that there are A LOT of variables to this, because different backgrounds demand different things.

Either way, I believe that at some point, when we're not struggling with surviving in those cases, we can find something that will feel like home. I guess we worry a lot about timing, and usually those things "should be accomplished" as we get to our twenties or whatever. But this is just not true. There are a bunch of people that find themselves later on in their lives. And every experience we go through and that we process in a healthy way brings us knowledge and I don't know... Like We just learn and adapt and those will never be useless, and might even be determinant to a meaningful change in the future.

I have gone through this before, and even so, it's hard to remind myself of that sometimes. It's still hard to believe that I'll find myself at some point. And it's harder to want to find myself at some point instead of just letting it be or doing something regretful.

So what I'm trying to say is that even when you believe/ have faith that you'll meet that sense of belonging it's hard not to feel exhausted. It's natural. And it sucks. And I don't think that there is any relatedness or words that I could offer you that would take this feeling away. However, I really hope that somehow it can make you more hopeful of finding that sense in the future. Not because I had find it, but because other people have SHAUHSAHUASUHASUH And although I look down on myself a lot, if it's something I can work hard to get, I believe that I will, even if I fall a lot along the way.

And now this will be cheesy and cliche as fuck, but that's how I feel, so fuck it.

I think you should believe in yourself as well, take it easy as you're already tired, and give it all you can give when you can give and how you can give it [Did it make sense? lol]. Would you rather eat a banana a day or 365? That's kinda the feeling. You can't eat 365 bananas in one day. And you might not feel like eating bananas every day. Do you really have to do it in a year? What's stopping you from doing it in two? Or five? Or ten? Take your time.

It's better to arrive late and healthy than not arrive there at all.

And even with this mindset, accept and understand that sometimes you'll want to do it in a day and in an unhealthy way. And that's okay. That's normal. We tend to rush things. But try to manage it in the best way you can.

I think every healing is about this; going up and down.

Well, it might have been all too non-specific and unhelpful as fuck. SUHASHAUUSHAUHASUHSAUHSA I do hope it is not, tho. And now I just checked the clock and I'm late for my meeting USHAHUSAUHSHAUHUSA

If you need anything else, just sent me a message and I'll come back later <3