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rmtndew · 4 years ago

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All I’ve Ever Known ~ Chapter 4

Summary: Fiona’s life is a shattered fraction of what it used to be. She’s trying to navigate her new normal when she meets Detective Marshall, who gives her something more to look forward to.

Pairing: Marshall and OFC.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of death, cancer.

A/N - This was intended as a short drabble but it got out of hand and became a multi-chapter story instead. It’s my first Marshall fic and the first fan fic that I’ve written in over a decade. The title comes from the song ‘All I’ve Ever Known’ from Hadestown: ‘I was alone so long, I didn’t even know that I was lonely. Out in the cold so long, I didn’t even know that I was cold. Turned my collar to the wind, this is how it’s always been. All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, but now I want to hold you, too.’

Tag list - @hollydaisy23, @readings-of-a-cavill-lover, @onlyhenrys, @omgkatinka, @speakerforthedead0-blog, @gearhead66, @thethirstyarchive, @oddsnendsfanfics, @littlerinoa, @agniavateira, @aaescritora,

If you’d like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

I woke the next morning ten minutes before my alarm went off. At first I couldn’t figure out why and tried burrowing back into my warm bed to get my last few minutes of sleep back, but then my phone alerted me to a new text and I realized that’s what had woken me up. I sighed. I knew it was Darcy. Sometimes she woke up early with big ideas for her store and texted them to me, asking my opinion. She met me when I was working in interior design and any time she entertained the idea of having a dine in section, she’d send me pictures of what she wanted and ask how feasible it would be. Most of the time they were way too grand to fit into her pre-existing building. Other times she’d talk about a small coffee shop to encourage more people to come in and pick up their own orders and cut back on our deliveries. But I couldn’t see how renovating a portion of the store, buying new equipment and hiring extra employees to run a coffee shop would lower costs just by maybe cutting back on some deliveries.

I was planning on ignoring the text until after I’d actually gotten up, but when another came through I knew it was best to just go ahead and nip it in the bud before she sent me an entire magazine’s worth of photos. But when I hit the home button on my phone I saw that the texts hadn’t come from Darcy. I had to squint against the brightness of the screen to make sure I saw the name right. Marshall.

I sat up and turned on my lamp, then looked at my phone again, reading the texts from their previews.

Hey, it’s Marshall. I had a great time yesterday. Sorry I was falling asleep on you. Can I make it up to you this weekend?

Sorry. You’re probably sleeping. It might take more than coffee to make it up to you now. Dinner?

I suddenly felt wide awake and was no longer irritated by my few minutes of missed sleep. I would have gladly given up several hours for those texts. I decided not to reply to them right then, though. I wanted to make sure I’d had enough coffee to formulate a comprehensible reply and not look like I was drunk texting him, which I had a history of. My conversations with Darcy at five in the morning were proof of that.

I got up and went about my morning routine like usual, trying not to wake Mom. When I made my way downstairs, I poured a cup of coffee and sat at the table. I sipped it, thinking about what to say to Marshall. I wrote and rewrote the text half a dozen times before finally having something I felt okay with, then I sent it.

Hey Marshall. I had a great time, too. You don’t have to make up for anything but I’d still like to have dinner with you. What day did you have in mind?

My heart was thudding from nerves and excitement. I was so focused on trying to calm myself down that I almost didn’t hear Mom when she walked in.

“Morning, sweetie,” she said, grabbing a coffee cup.

“Good morning,” I replied, then jumped slightly as my phone vibrated on the table. I tried not to look too enthusiastic as I grabbed it.

Does Saturday work for you?

“Darcy again?” Mom asked, pouring coffee for herself.

“Um...no, actually.” I tried biting back a smile but it didn’t work. “It’s Marshall.”

Her eyes went wide and she smiled back. “He’s writing to you at six in the morning?”

“He actually wrote me earlier. He asked if I wanted to have dinner with him Saturday.”

She sat down at the table beside me. “What did you tell him?”

“I haven’t replied yet. I don’t want him to think I’m just waiting by the phone for him.”

She looked at the phone in my hand. “Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing, though?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t have to know it.”

She laughed then blew on her coffee. “I’m glad this whole texting business wasn’t around when I was dating your father.”

“Even if it was, you’re a lot more forward than I am. You wouldn’t have had a single issue with texting Dad first, or answering him right away,” I said. My phone made another sound, reminding me of my unread text and I finally opened it, then replied.

Saturday is perfect. What time would you like to meet?

“Well, there was only room enough for one coy person in our relationship and Rodger called that role,” Mom said after I put my phone down.

I laughed. “I don’t think ‘coy’ was the right word for Dad. I think socially awkward was more appropriate.”

“He was too smart to be a social butterfly, too. He had to have a couple of flaws.”

“He couldn’t set the timer for the coffee pot, no matter how many times I showed him, and he thought that the Sharknado movies were amazing. He had his flaws,” I joked.

“This coffee pot is confusing.”

“He was an engineer!”

My phone buzzed in my hand and that time I didn’t wait to open the text. I read it right away.

Would you let me pick you up instead? Around six?

“Well, what does he say?” Mom asked.

“He wants to pick me up instead of me meeting him.”

“Are you going to let him?”

I looked at her and she was smiling at me. I shook my head at her, laughing again. “You want him to come here so that you can see him, don’t you?”

She shrugged. “You keep talking about how handsome he is.”

“He is handsome. And it’s an awfully gentlemanly thing to do…” I bit my lip for a moment, pretending to think it over.

“Just tell him yes. We both know you’re going to.”

I gave another laugh. “Fine.”

I would like that, thank you. And I’m curious, what does Detective Marshall eat when he’s not eating a cuban sandwich and plain chips?

I put my phone on the table. “What are your plans for today?” I asked, then took a sip of my coffee.

She gave me a cheeky grin. “Changing the subject.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not changing the subject. I’m asking what my mother is going to be doing while I’m out earning the bread for this family,” I joked.

She snorted. “You don’t earn the bread, Fi, you just bake it.” She nodded at my arm. “And burn yourself in the process.”

“That’s the first time I’ve burnt myself in a year and a half. I’d say that’s a pretty good record.”

“That’s true,” she said. “And if you must know, I was thinking of going down to Valley and talking to Georgia about starting music lessons again after the new year. I think by then I’ll have recovered enough to be able to teach at least a few days a week.”

“You’re going to put yourself around snot nosed kids in the dead of flu season?” I asked dryly.

“I’ll be teaching teenagers, not little kids, and I’ll wear a mask,” she said. “I’ll make sure to clean everything between students and have them use hand sanitizer when they come in. I’m not going to be immunocompromised forever, and I’m not going to live in a bubble until then, either.” She gave me a smirk. “Besides, I can’t let you be the only one that earns the bread around here.”

I laughed at her but it was cut short when my phone buzzed again.

Stuff that’s probably not very good for him. Like Italian. How does that sound?

Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more attracted to him, he confessed to liking my favorite type of food. I couldn’t stop my train of thought that went to me one day making an Italian dinner for him as a date. But my mind’s eye set up the imaginary dinner in my old apartment and I knew that would never happen. I let that thought go and took a deep breath, trying to focus my attention on the present moment.

That sounds great. I love Italian food.

I sent it and sat back in my seat. I tried not to let my mind wander too far down the road with Marshall. I’d been on a lot of first dates in my life with guys that I’d thought were great who turned out to be jerks and I knew what that disappointment felt like. And even though I couldn’t imagine Marshall disappointing me in the same way they had - he’d proven at our coffee date that he was far more respectful, even while he was tired - I wanted to remind myself that I needed to take things one step at a time.

Perfect. I’ll see you Saturday at six, then.

I must have looked pretty gooey eyed over the whole thing because Mom reached out and touched my wrist gently. When I looked at her, the teasing tone was gone from her face and she was smiling at me. “I’m happy for you, sweetie. I really am.”

I was a ball of nerves all Saturday morning and afternoon. More than I’d ever been on the day of a first date. But nothing with Marshall fell into my ‘usual’ category. There was something about him that made him different from any other man I’d gone out with. And maybe that was it: He was a man. Not some boy masquerading as one. He was quiet, and fierce, and protective. He thought before he spoke. And even when delivering a threat - like he had to that creep in the bar - he’d done it calmly and with authority. He exuded confidence, not cockiness, and there was honestly nothing more attractive than that.

I was nearly ready, just zipping up my boots, when I heard a crash downstairs. I rushed down and found Mom in the kitchen, trying to pick up the broken pieces of one of her giant coffee mugs.

“I’m - I’m not sure what happened,” she said. “I just lost my grip.”

“It’s okay.” I took a step towards her, trying to avoid the pile of porcelain. “Let me clean it up.”

“I can do it,” she said, sounding flustered.

“I know you can but you’re in socks and I’m wearing boots.”

She stood her ground for a moment, then finally sighed and relented, taking a step back. “Okay. I’ll get you the broom.”

“It’s fine. I’ll get it. Just watch your step.”

I went to grab the broom as she threw away the large chunks of her broken cup that she’d been able to pick up with her hands. I could tell she was frustrated.

“You know, if you didn’t like that mug, you could have just gotten rid of it, you didn’t have to break it,” I joked, taking the broom and dustpan from the broom closet. “Or were you afraid I wouldn’t take the hint and buy you another one if I thought it just went missing?”

She gave a small laugh but I could tell she was still embarrassed. “I actually liked that coffee mug a lot.”

“I’ll get you a new one.”

“You don’t have to do that. I can -”

The doorbell rang and she stopped mid-sentence. We both froze, my eyes flicking to the clock on the stove. It was 5:53. Marshall was early. After a moment, Mom took a step towards me, holding out her hand to take the broom from me. I shook my head.

“You’re wearing socks,” I reminded her. “I don’t want you to cut your foot.”

Her eyes grew wide. “So you’re going to clean up after me while I go meet your date?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She brushed her hand over her barely there hair, trying to collect herself, then let out a breath. “Okay, I’ll go let him in.”

“Don’t be too charming. He might have a thing for cougars and I don’t want to have to fight my mom for a guy.”

She smiled for real, the embarrassment of having her daughter clean up after her letting go enough that it was no longer plainly visible. “No promises,” she joked, then left the kitchen to answer the door.

It didn’t take long to clean up. Even though the cup had shattered pretty good, its bright white color stood out against the dark wood of the floor, making even the tiniest pieces easy to see. After making sure I’d cleaned it all up, I threw away the pieces and put up the broom and dustpan, then went to find Mom and Marshall.

They were standing in the entryway. Mom was saying something about teaching at Valley and Marshall stood in front of her, his hands clasped behind his back, and a look of sincere focus on his face as she spoke. Mom was a small woman but next to him, she looked comically tiny.

I paused for a moment, taking him in. His hair looked a bit more controlled than any other time I’d seen him, his curls tighter and not quite as messy. His beard looked like it had been trimmed, giving it a purposeful look instead of the ‘I’m too busy to shave’ vibe that I’d gotten from him previously. He wore a thick blue sweater that made the color of his eyes pop when they drifted over to me. It was brief, maybe less than a second, before concentrating on Mom again. But he had a slight smile and it was enough for her to notice. She turned and looked at me.

“There she is. I guess I’ll stop talking your ear off and let you two go,” she said.

Marshall smiled at her, then at me, bigger that time. “I didn’t realize I was early. I apologize.”

“No, don’t. You’re fine,” I said, moving to grab my coat. “I’m ready, I was just cleaning up a broken cup. I’m basically like Cinderella around here.”

Mom snorted. “Hardly. Cinderella was made to do chores. You’re the one who won��t let me lift a finger,” she said. “Besides, I think she sang while she worked.”

I raised my eyebrow at her as I put my coat on. “Do you want me to sing?”

She shook her head. “No. No one wants that, sweetie,” she said, making Marshall laugh. She looked at him. “Fi spent a good portion of her teenage years screaming along to music in her room. I didn’t even know you could make ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ sound angry until she proved otherwise. Needless to say, her father and I encouraged her other interests a bit more enthusiastically.”

I grabbed my purse. “I should have let you clean up your own mess and answered the door myself,” I joked before kissing the top of her head. “Bye, Mom.”

Marshall smiled again. “It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Sparks.”

“Likewise, Detective Marshall. You two have fun.”

We left the house and after a few steps down the walkway, he jabbed his thumb back at the door. “She’s funny.”

“She can be,” I agreed. “She’s a spitfire, though, that’s for sure.”

“I like it.”

“Yeah, I like it, too.”

We walked to his truck and he opened the door for me. “You look gorgeous, by the way,” he said as I got in.

I felt myself blush instantly, caught off guard by the compliment. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, closing the door for me.

We’d only made it to the driveway and my stomach was already doing somersaults. He made me feel like a teenage girl, all giddy and excited, and I loved it.

He went around the front of the truck, then climbed in the driver’s side. I tried to sneak a look at him while he was putting on his seat belt but he caught me. He smiled as I snapped my head straight ahead.

“Sorry, I just, I was…” I tried to think of an excuse but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t sound lame. I let out a sigh. “I was checking you out,” I admitted. “I can’t lie. There’s no point. Sorry.”

“That’s the least offensive thing a woman has ever apologized to me for,” he said with a laugh, starting the truck. He leaned forward enough to catch my eye, making me instinctively turn my head towards him. He grinned. “Did you see anything you like?”

My blush deepened and I couldn’t hold back a giggle. “Maybe.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, that is a nice sweater.”

“Oh, so you were checking out my jumper?”

I shrugged. “It brings out your eyes.”

“Does it now?”

“It does. And you have very lovely eyes.”

“Thank you,” he said. “But my daughter bought the jumper, so I can’t take credit for it.”

“She did a good job,” I said, forcing my eyes to look up front as we pulled out of the driveway. Even though I’d already admitted to checking him out, there was a difference between looking and leering and I didn’t want to come off as creepy. “I take it that this wasn’t your weekend to have her?”

“It was supposed to be but she was invited to a Halloween party with some of her friends so she asked to do that instead. She’ll be with me tomorrow.”

“What did she dress as? For the party.”

“A cowgirl.”

“Does she ride horses or did she just like the costume?”

“No, she rides. She took lessons when she was a bit younger. And she and I go riding some weekends.”

“So you’re Detective Marshall during the week and cowboy Marshall on the weekends? Does that ever cross over? Do they have mounted police in the homicide unit?”

He shook his head as he laughed. “No, not that I’m aware of.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Is it now?” he asked, and his tone made me blush all over again.

“I’m actually not going to answer that. I’m going to wait until we get a little further from my house to fully embarrass myself so that when you fake an emergency to get rid of me, my ego doesn’t get too crushed.”

“Do you really think I’d do that?”

“I hope not, but I’ve been excited about having dinner with you, so I’m going to try not to mess it up.”

“I think you’d have to try pretty hard to mess it up,” he said as we stopped at the end of my street. He glanced at me. “And I’ve been excited about it, too.”

#Henry Cavill #Walter Marshall #Night Hunter #Nomis #All I've Ever Known #Walter Marshall fan fiction #Henry Cavill fan fiction #Night Hunter fan fiction #Walter Marshall/OFC #HenryCavillFanfic #WalterMarshallFanfic

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dinoalexander · 4 years ago

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Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular

The following blog entry are intended only for mature audiences. Reader discretion is strongly advised. Although it goes without saying about three quotes in, this is neither an incendiary nor defamatory tribute to the year past, although if someone were to put together such a “tribute”, I’d completely understand. Thank you. And enjoy the show. Because you helped make it. Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular begins in five... ... four... ... three... ... two... NOW. === “This video is dedicated to touching.” -Harry Styles “Welcome to America's last public gathering.” -Jenna Riedi, the host of Geek Bowl XIV “Daniel’s New Year’s Resolutions 1) say something so brilliant, so irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful that it makes the Quote Wall 2) organize the basement.” -Daniel “Didn’t you used to be Bill Simmons?” -Greg channeling Justin Lollie “Something new? Shouldn’t be trying it but I’m d-e-d today.” -Carl “This could devolve into something amazing.” -Jeremy “Good feeling: a Patriots loss. Better feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs. Best feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs in Foxboro.” -Travis “You are the master of the swerve.” -Klaussie “There once was a man from Nantucket.” -Ethan “Neighbor and I both have our windows open, and I refuse to do one more thing tonight until I figure out which episode of “Cheers” she’s watching.” -Adam Nedeff “Is there anyway we can CGI Matt Lauer out and replace him with Christopher Plummer?” -Greg on Matt Lauer on SNL “What’s the favorite network of the 2017 Houston Astros? BUZZR!” -Klauss “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, Lost her virginity to Tom Jones.” -Sara “That’s not unusual.” -Megan “Oh look, goats! (Whiff) Oh god, goats.” -Q “The Whiteface on the Joker poster is a pretty good representation on the Academy Award nominees this year.” -Gordon “If you spend your life with a paper bag over your head, do you also need to wear a mask?” -Kevin, on the Unknown Comic "He Gay - He Christmas in Macy's Window Gay" - Mercedeze - The Circle. “Spock is gonna slap your ass.” -Greg on Zach Quinto in “The Slap” “Smeargle!” -C “I’m at the Battle of Atlanta, usually I’M the one on fire.” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Sexual Game Show Chocolate.” -Cyndi’s nickname for Chico “He has exact change! What was I supposed to say.. No?!” -Q “WLTI has been brought to by the Tom Brady Laundry Service - when you need stuff to be washed and blown....you know where to go.” -JB “It’s like shitting in my hand and clapping.” -Q “Let’s do that GOAT.” -C “Does Q know you’re into bestiality?” -Chris • the subject: Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time “In 2020 I’d like to set more things on fire.” -Megan “Tonight, William Shakespeare, Henry VIII, the sun god Ra, Archimedes, Rip Taylor, and Rudolph Valentino on the Loooooooove TARDIS.” -Greg as Ernie Anderson (hat tips to Mike & Chico). “Christmas Day: Email notifying me I don't need to come to the courthouse on Monday. Monday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Tuesday. Tuesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Wednesday. Wednesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse, period, because my week of service includes two holidays. For anyone who's never been called in for jury duty during a pandemic, I highly recommend the experience.” -Adam “This version of 2020 has a virus in it. Can I get it reinstalled?” -Catherine “Take care of y’all chicken.” -Marshawn Lynch“ No link, because (EXPLETIVE DELETED) that (EXPLETIVE DELETED).” -Joe “There’s the Wendy’s.” -C “Where where where where where?” -Q “There there there there there.” -C “The Houston Astros scandal has spilled into the world of game shows...evidence has surfaced that “Jeopardy!” contestants had wired buzzers at their podiums.” -Adam Nedeff “ "Having an English Accent in America is like having a 12" dick” -David, a contestant on Too Hot To Handle. “We are all Disney... and Disney is all of us.” -Kevin “Here comes this Donny Osmond-looking motherfucker.” -C “The coronavirus is the least dirty thing I’ve had in my hand. There’s not enough hand sanitizer in the world. That’s why I drink vodka.” -Michael "That bird just straight up moonwalked and died!" -Neumann “You think Jimmy Kimmel would buy the Walgreens brand?” -Q “I don’t make Jimmy Kimmel money!” -C “President Trump sent me a letter. I respond with fire.” -Kyle “Sense AND Sensibility? In this economy?!” -Liz “He committed the ultimate sin. He insulted the WWE in his promotion!” -Cyndi “Today was draggin’. It was very draggy. It was an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. It was so draggin’ that Wink Martindale encourages me to avoid it. I was watching Dragon Ball Z in the cockpit of the Dragonzord while playing Double Dragon with Don “The Dragon” Wilson and listening to Sisqo’s Unleash The Dragon. Somebody better call Emilia Clarke, because, uh.... dragon .... joke.” -C “Name a people that animals breed.” -Bressler “Put your Facebook balls away, Karen. It’s unbecoming.” -Cindy “Pizza is yes.” -Drago, Animal Crossing New Horizons “Prahstitute.” -Klauss • the password was “hookah” “It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple Power Ranger.” -Gordon “I'm gonna start painting people yellow and send their asses to Springfield because I'm seeing a LOT of Simps, SON!” -Katie “Bill Belichick took the box on the display floor and got a couple of plush dolphins...would’ve had a new car behind curtain #2.” -Carl “Twenty-one seasons of winners and not one of those faces looked like mine. So when I walked through those doors, I had that desire, that determination to be that very first face to give hope to those behind me who have the desire to come in here and play this game. Not seeing a face that looks like mine is very discouraging, it’s hurtful and it does make me feel like maybe it’s impossible. But I’m wrong about that because it’s definitively possible. We can do it. It just hasn’t been done yet… I want to acknowledge every African American who has walked through those doors with the same desire to be that face that I have. I see you, I salute you and I appreciate you. You came in here, you knew the odds were against you, you knew it was going to be an uphill battle and you still fought and you fought like hell. For that, I love you, I admire you and I acknowledge you all today.” -Da’vonne, Big Brother “Waldo should find himself. I don’t have that kind of time.” -@FunnyOrDie “What we wanted was Cam Newton. What we got was Wayne Newton.” -Gordon, right before everyone broke out into “Danke Schön” “You can go ahead and put "Nuh-uh! Don't eat Jesus, you monster!" on the list of things I didn't think I'd have to yell today.” -Wingo “Not only is he a chicken magnate, he’s also a chick... magnet. Amirite?” -Klauss“ Please excuse me if I don't participate in the Dolly Parton Challenge, but I'd rather my wife didn't know that I have a Tinder account.” -Prof. O “The table has had enough of your shit.” -Brian “If you work hard enough I’m sure someday you’ll reach the top of the intelligence bell curve.” -Jess’ insult “Any squirrel can find a nut once. Let’s see you do it again.” -Q “This is the kind of chaotic horniness I’m here for.” -Megan “Behold the power of the fat guy touchdown.” -Cyndi “It’s the kind of peppermint candy that can give me natural 20s.” -Jenni “The wonders.... of weed.” -Mary “Metallic testicles.” -Jimmy Kimmel “Well, it's 65° again today. I ran 3.5 miles yesterday so I chose to walk 4 today. If next year it is not 65° on this day in February, I'm quitting Ohio.” -Wingo “I see the Incelabteilung spent a productive weekend.” -Rick Wilson “You know why the RTF head writer is now hosting? Because he's now eligible to join the Actors Guild, which means he'll have potential work when 1. RTF goes down in flames, 2. The WGA agreement goes down in flames. 3.A combination of 1. 2. and RTF keeps trying to convince us that King Kong should be worth 1,250 points per ticket.” -Gordon “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” -Jessica “Of course any team could have had 14 players test positive for COVID three games into the season, but the fact that it’s an entire roster of Florida Man is just so obvious.” -Arianna “Anna Roisman is very much in love with her butt.” -C Phleb: Are you following me? Q: As if you’re cool enough to have a stalker. As IF you’re cool enough for that stalker to be me. “I’ve seen enough.” -JD “Okay Dave Wasserman.” -C -subject: NLCS “Curse your sudden but inevitable colonization!” -Blue from episode 2 of the Overly Sarcastic Podcast “I haven't watched the Super Bowl halftime show, but from the online conversation today it is clear that people do not know just how many layers of costumage it takes to look "naked" onstage. #Showbiz” -Shannon “Adolf Titler and Areola Braun.” -Kim “I don't follow sports at all, but "And then Florida screwed it up for everyone" is the least surprising thing I could have seen in the news.” -Adam “If you think 2020 has been wild so far, wait until the dragons are released in the finale!” -Bruce Q: “I need a lighter.” Clerk: “Which one?” Q: “I don’t care. As long as it produces fire.” “Today we say a not fond farewell to Adobe Flash....we will NOT miss you very much." -Carl “It’s ridicarus. It’s so ridiculous, it flies in the face of normality until it melts on the wings of its own ridiculousness.” -C “I’d like to be proven wrong 99 times out of 100,000.” -Cyndi “The wenches of Watson.” -G’s nickname for the Chasers “Paula Deen. I don’t give a toss about the woman’s politics. But there’s one thing that we both agree on. MORE BUTTER!” -Q “Do you think you could be my Korean food mule?” -Jenni, to Chico re: Korean restaurants “This is what I told you about Travis. You’ve got to stop eating buffalo wings before you go to bed this is going to keep happening!” -Brian “The NFL Draft Takes way too long. If I wanted to watch 32 picks in 3 hours, I’d watch Jameis Winston play.” -TyFo “I think I’d win this easily.” -Greg, on “Too Hot To Handle.” “Hit me daddy, I’ve been bad.” -Q “I haven’t been bad, but hit me anyway.” -C “I hope a million Dodger babies are made tonight and their mamas name them all MOOKIE.” -Arianna “That’s tackier than a Louis Vuitton purse from downtown LA.” -Kimberly “Defense wins championships, but offense sells soap.” -Nikki “It’s like there’s nothing good on Netflix anymore.” -Alex Alvarez (Marcel Ruiz) on the Pop premiere of One Day at a Time “Let’s see what this bitch can do.” -C

“Man we have now been quarantined for 60 full days. Stuck inside with nothing but our families and our devices, filled with fear and anxiety. And we still don’t want to watch Quibi.” - Mike Shields (@digitalshields) “I love Peanut Butter. I love Africa.” - Bill Walton "So in the last 3 days Tom Brady has violated social distancing guidelines and broken into somebody's house. The media laughs it off. It pays to be white." - Barry McCockiner “BREAKING: I have decided to follow @James_Holzhauer on Twitter, since he’s been following me on Jeopardy all week.” - Ken Jennings “I was debating who had a worse night in Vegas — Mike Bloomberg or Deontay Wilder. I thought it was Wilder but it wasn’t. He didn’t have to show up a week later and get his ass kicked all over again. #DemDebate2020” - Jelani Cobb “What in the name of God’s ass is on Linda Dano’s head?” - Quisla “My 13 year-old self with my hero in Nov '83, Boston, MA. According to local legend Mr. (Tom) Baker toured the sites at Lexington, and then Concord, site of the “shot heard round the world;" he strode up to the first American he saw and said “Sorry about all that you know!”” - @petervintonjr “At long last, our 4-year national nightmare is over & @SteveKornacki can finally get some sleep.” - Mark Hamill “I think I just saw The Greatest American Hero be a complete and utter perv.” - Chico “Not gonna lie. I kinda wished they'd filmed the Chicago production of Hamilton so I could see Wayne Brady kill Lin-Manuel instead of Leslie.” - @RealLordDalek “Thanks Jon, when we come back Denise is gonna go for $30,000 and I want to find out, really, if you take half of my ass and you put it on my bald head, if it’s going to create new hair. We’ll find out about that after this. ……. more after this.” - Mike Francesa’s evil Earth 47 Half Brother Louie Francesa played by Klaussie before the MG-HSH Super Match “Rebooting The Santa Clause where instead of Tim Allen killing Santa Claus and becoming Santa Claus, Santa Claus kills Tim Allen and becomes Tim Allen” - Bridger Winegar “Ted Cruz is in another Twitter war with Mark Cuban. As a coach I was always looking for mismatches. If I could ever find a mismatch as great as Cuban over Cruz the game would be easy.” - Stan Van Gundy “Just turned on the XFL.Kicker missed a field goal and they immediately interviewed him on the sideline asking what happened haha. That’s tough.” - JJ Watt “Jeffrey Toobin gave a whole new meaning to the word “laptop.” - Gerard Mulligan “No matter how gloom things things get, there's always the future, even the United States of America used to have a future. They tried to us Americans the sky’s the limit, so we destroyed the sky. Where’s your limit now? Oh! burning with toxic poison? Suck that limit!” - Xavier: Renegade Angel “Everything good espn ever did was copied from the George Michael Sports Machine.” - @[email protected] “How is the @WWE not calling this #Wrestlemania36 In Your House?!?!” - Marty DeRosa “When people complain about "cancel culture," they very often mean: I want to live in a world in which there are abundant social and economic rewards for saying and doing certain (but not all!) controversial things, and no social and economic penalties for those same things.” - David Frum “Herb Abrams left this world doing what he loved. Cocaine and hookers." - Brian Blair “Rats.. and I was looking forward to the empty arena NBA Team Challenge Series.” - Lollie “Wow breaking: Jay Glazer is reporting that cleatus the FOX NFL robot has been arressted for double murder outside a Houston strip club. Details to come” - PFTCommenter “Michael Moore is the Michael Avenatti of Anthony Scaramuccis.” - @blackbeltbirder “Will you accept this ass?” -Jason “The Bears are two tight ends away from a firefighter calendar.” -Cyndi “Come on, Quis. Plating is 5 points.” -C “They say you should spend three months income on your wife’s engagement ring. I spent June July and August from the summer that I turned 13… But in my defense it was a wet summer and I mowed a lotta grass, that should count for something.” -Brian (ladies....) “You can’t fuck with Ed Lover.” -Greg “You thought that it was bad now? Wait 25 years. Today's children are tomorrow's leaders; and they will have been have been homeschooled by day drinkers. Let that sink in.” -Q “Doo wah didn’t didn’t, dumb didn’t do.” -Ian “So we were talking about why cereal was invented.” -C “Y’all stop showing me The Needle. I have a visceral reaction to The Needle.” -Anne “Five dollars on a Daily Double? What are you doing, buying a sandwich?” -Q “Sometimes I wonder... what made you think that style of facial hair works for you?” -Mary Jane “Everyone’s a critic.” -C after someone closed the blood bank door after blowing his nose “You raise your kids, you will spoil your grandchildren. You spoil your kids, you will raise your grandchildren.” -Nikki “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” -Joe’s son “Ctrl-F, am I right?” -Klauss “Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm...” -Kim “I’ve been around enough mothers to know what THAT means.” -C “This is now the 5th straight night I've heard one man complain about another man's holes and balls. No one needs sloppy disorganized holes or balls. #pause.” -Gordon “You know... We grew up watching Kamen Rider & Super Sentai wanting to be masked heroes. Pretty sure this isn’t what I had in mind.” -D “Some of y’all have not been chased around the house by your sibling with a knife and it shows.” -Jenna “At least it wasn't real maple syrup. Based on the bottle and consistency it appears to be maple-flavoured sugar liquid spread.” -Dane, on Gritty drinking breakfast syrup “And who decides Lacey Chabert should be the voice of love? She was hardly the voice of Meg Griffin!” -C “That is one UGLY ASS FISH!” -Cat "CBD infused deep dish pizza now available at White Sox games." -Carl “Gordon Pepper You're a psychotic Macaulay Culkin? I fear and respect you.” -Dom “Now I don’t even have to leave my home to not watch a movie.” -Kevin, on HBOMax “Fuck your widgets.” -Klauss “I told Galileo to stop working on his telescope. He’s not fooling anyone!” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Chris Wallace failed so badly that Mike Wallace also failed, and he’s been dead eight years.” -Kevin “Yay for fat shaming.” -Amberlee “Philip Rivers: Miami Dolphin?” -Carl “I don’t have enough black leggings for this shit.” -Shannon “You ever have shrunken beef?” -G “Phrasing.” -Aaron “You put the brain in Vibranium.” -Matt Richards “Several flaws in his argument, most notably that while he is correct that the meat in boneless chicken wings doesn’t come from the wings, neither does it come from the “tender”. And chicken nuggets aren’t made from a chicken’s... um... nuggets. That said, it is Nebraska, and this is what happens in that God forsaken state when they cancel football.” -Kevin “I never got spanked. We were very good kids growing up. Dad threatened us a different way. He reminded us as he was a famous person if we screwed up we would see it on page 6 of the ny post.” -G “God’s perfect idiot.” -Ryan Reynolds “You can’t clean house with a filthy mop.” -Kevin "Four." -Course Manager Joe translating Sir Goph to the crowd at Holey Moley. “May (Tim Tebow’s) marriage last longer than Million Dollar Mile.” -C “They were so offended, they weren’t.” -G “Meanwhile I can't choose a fuck fish...” -Kimberly “I have questions.” -Bressler “Do not insult the good name of Bowzer, damn it!” -Greg “Hiya Barbie! No Ken. He’s sold separately and I’m cutting unnecessary spending.” -Eden as Barbie “I’ll be at the bench if you need me. Please don’t need me.” -C as David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck “Fayetteville gonna Fayetteville.” -Jordan “Why you gotta go make good employees angry? You think another decent phleb is just gonna pop out of nowhere like a State Farm agent? ... 🎵 Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there! 🎵 POOF!” -C “I like my men like I like my commuter car: silent.” -Robin “The fact that I had to put "Real Email -- Not Wingo SPAM" in an email subject line tells you a lot about how I comport myself with my colleagues.” -Wingo “Savage Question Song! Y’all fucking FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU GOT IT WRONG! YOU ARE DUMB! No, I’m kidding, you’re not dumb. You fucked up, it happens. That’s life.” -Matt Richards “You know, bucatini. It’s like spaghetti... with goals.” -C “Love like you’re Jesus Christ. Wash your hands like you’re Pontius Pilate.” -Brian “Show me on the tackling dummy where the illegal touching happened.” -Nikki “Get cable. Discover Disney Junior. Muppet Babies. Weird. So weird. #NotMyMuppetBabies.” -Paul “Take the swabs. Leave the cannoli.” -C “Facetyfacetyfacetyfaaaaaaaace!” -Nikki “If you win, you may smoke it. WHEN you lose, you must eat it. I don’t make the rules.” -Erskine “The internet discovers that Wendy Williams is a terrible person once a week.” -Adam “¡Carajo! Errbahurr!” -me, upon looking at a full parking lot “In these increasingly uncertain times, I want to be absolutely clear on something. I never *don't* want pizza. It is never a bad or inappropriate time for pizza. I will never, in any way, be displeased by receiving pizza. And, at no time in my life, will I ever say "no, that's fine, personally I don't want any pizza." I hope I have made myself clear.” -Brian “That’s a terrifying prospect. Goddamnit, I’m in.” -Kimberly “My dream from December 2020 involved a previous neighbor and his two-mouthed dog. Not two-headed, but two mouthed. Imagine a Doberman crossed with a Big Mac.” -Evil Travis “Sounds like SOMEONE is jealous of the awesome sex her witch friends are having, just saying. #StellaImmanuelOnlyDoesMissionary” -Shannon “Why does Ken Jennings get applause for his use of a buzzer during championship rounds but the Astros are vilified? That’s Double Jeopardy in more ways than one!” -Jess “That's Roman's new move...the Bowel Movement" -JB After Roman tips Corbin over in the potty during Royal Rumble “Smoke my weed.” -Kyle “Tomorrow on Personal Injury Court: "You destroyed my vagina!" Me: "Continue."” -Klauss “Vernon Valley/Action Park on line one.” -Gordon’s one-line review of “Cannonball” “There’s no substitute for good old fashioned know-how.” -Prof. O “So a coworker says she’s pro-gun, pro-God, pro-LEO, pro-Trump, pro-life and that all lives matter. I say to her, quoting Colin Firth, ‘I’m a Catholic whore who is currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.’ See? I can flex for rubes on social media, too.” -C “Boy. Smoke really let himself go.” -Caleb “SUPER MATCH on tonight’s MGHSH: ______ LOVER $1000: Red Hot $500: Lousy $250: Latin.... I’ve been called all these things. At the same time.” -C “BREAKING: Massachusetts Lottery names Tom Brady its spokesman for its new lotto game -- Pick 6.” -Doug “If music be the food of love, then umami is the food of food!” -Heather “We already have artificial intelligence in the announcers booth… His name is Joe Buck.” -Brian “I don’t have the time or the crayons to show you how you did that wrong.” -Q “Okay so about Herve Villechaize’s dick.” -Klauss “Sharon after two Proseccos is the funniest motherfucker alive.” -Matt Richards “There’s tired, and then there’s Disney tired. He’s worn out!” -Terrie “Who the fuck is Mickey Rooney?” -Greg’s older brother when he was 8 “Remember, exercise causes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy....” -Michael “And happy people don’t kill their husbands.” -everyone “Peace, love, dope! Now get the hell out of my house!” -Evil Travis “My sister is being disgusted!” -Shannon’s sister “I already have my picks to replace Condfederacy monuments/statues and other members of the slave trade/colonialism. 1. Spock 2, Any Pokemon 3. Columbo (Specifically for Christopher Columbus) 4. The lead singer of GWAR 5. Dolly Parton” -Dane “Having said that, KEEP STAYING INSIDE. Let’s put this in easy terms: did you ever have a teacher say “If you’re good the entire week, we’ll watch a movie in class on Friday”? And when you made it to Thursday, everybody kind of had an eye on the dipshit in the class who was probably going to screw it up for everybody? Okay, right now, as far as COVID goes, it’s Thursday. Keep an eye on Adam. Or...I mean, whatever the kid’s name was in your class.” -Adam “I'm at the level of drunk where everything is HILARIOUS and I'm very pleased with myself... now I’m having a second drink and wearing this VERY NECESSARY hat.” -Arianna “May your 2020 be like ABC’s, shaky at first, but getting stronger.” -BB “A bunch of Goofuses and nary a Gallant.” -Ian “Hard and Stormy - the next pornhub film from Michael Avenatti.” -JB after Chico tried mistakenly to say “Dark and stormy” “With a name like Joe Exotic, expect more fingers than teeth.” -Chico re: Tiger King “I’d rather offend someone by showing up, by trying to understand and trying to care, than offend someone by not showing up, by refusing to understand and for appearing indifferent.” -Christina “If you feel the need to throw shade from behind an anonymous Twitter account... Don’t. Say it to my face or don’t say it at all. Don’t waste my time. It’s 2020. We’re not on here wasting people’s time. Stop it.” -Anne “His shake brings nobody to the yard.” -Jess re: HQreeper “Did Bill Cullen do Blockheads?” -Q “OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!” -C "I do normally have energy, but I did just win the Space Jam, so..." -Neumann “So watching the NFL Playoff game and my first thought is that I wonder how the Houston Astros were able to show the Texans how to steal all of the KC Chiefs' signals from their playbook.” -Gordon “Does anybody here have a dollar?” -C “No but I have a chicken!” -Q “You know what borders on insanity? Canada and Mexico.” -Chelsea’s friend Cathie “A 1 followed by 100 zeroes is known as a Googol. A 1 followed by 1,000 zeroes is known as the number of e-mails you will receive from 1-800-FLOWERS in the week leading up to Valentine's Day if you've ever bought even one bouquet in your life.” -Adam “I think I hate everything and everybody, so I’m going to get drunk on beer that’s been brewed in an old sheep carcass and then I’m going to stick my tiny penis in a dead dog I found in a ditch to make hate-babies or something because I am actually more stupid than mud.” -Alucard, impersonating Trevor Belmont, Castlevania “10/10 for entertainment and entry level gaming abilities. Gratuitous gore and endless ammunition. You will literally cry from laughing. Especially if you're as good at being bad at it as I am.” -Becca “I’m trying to eat better. After work today I’m going to have myself a nice salad. That’s right a nice Caprese salad with tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, and croutons… Well OK one crouton… One very large round crouton. Pizza. I’m going to order a pizza.” -Brian “Coming to theaters in January 2021: 2Jeopardy 2 GOAT.” -Evil Travis “You overthought it!” -Michael “You know me, Michael. Overthinking is kinda my thing.” -C “I had a baby.... in my king cake.” -Kathryn “hear me out: a cross between a heating pad AND a weighted blanket. *become* the hot pocket.” -Chelsea “Guessing both Foxes (New Fox & Disney) are catching onto the reality that Seth (MacFarlane) only has one idea, which he keeps trotting out in different disguises.” -Kevin “How’s your Wednesday?” -Wingo “Oh you know, places to go, people to see, lives to save, asses to cover. You know, a Wednesday!” -C “That’s why I don’t hold grudges, because I can’t remember shit.” -Joey “Brainvision has been brought to you by the Fire Me Please Sporting Division Showdown! Who will win? The Cleveland Browns? The Houston Astros? The NJ Devils? The NY KNicks? It will be fun to find out! That's the Fire Me Please Sporting Division SHowdown!” -Gordon "I have sent a dick pic. I didnt mean to do it. Mom, I'm sorry.” -contestant on The Circle “You can make excuses or you can make game moves. Pick one!” -C “He who hesitates is sacked.” -Nikki on Tua “Merry Crimbo!... I mean, Merry Chrysler!... I mean...” -Statboy “Welcome to this edition of “Faith in Humanity”, brought to yo by Bleagh. 🤮” -Gordon “Ass trumps feet, count it.” -VRM “On the Season Finale of St. Patswhere, Chief Surgeon Brady suddenly realizes that time has caught up to him and can't accurately perform like he as done in years past. Director of Medicine Belichick talks to his staff and is irate that instead of researching Vrabel-Tannehillitis, they brought him documents on Bunglaria. He punishes them by making them work on back cases and organizing them by bacteria count. In the operating room, time is not on the side of the staff as the patient is also suffering from Henry Syndrome where he rushed for 182 yards and a touchdown. To further accentuate the problems, Belichick finds out that Vrabel-Tennehillitis eats up the time left in the patient, despite his efforts to make time stand still. With time running out, Brady tries to push through his decline and makes a dangerous surgical operation. Sadly, the operation would turn to be fatal for the patient as Brady slips and cuts through vital organs and the scalpal is intercepted by the heart. The patient dies on the table and leaving both Brady and Belichick wondering if they still have what it takes in this new era of medicine. Will our dynamic duo return? find out next season...on St. Patswhere.” -Cyndi “That looks nothing like Tom Villard.” -Mike, anytime someone mentions Chris “Captain America” Evans as “America’s ass” “Okay, no no no no stop halt quit it cease desist. I will sign off on an Anglicized live-action remake of Ranma 1/2 before I approve of this.” -me reacting to a Fresh Prince reboot “Welcome to the Absolutely Fucking Crazy Championship game! With your analysts Tom Brady and Lamar Jackson. Tom: “Hey Lamar, how come we’re not playing in this game?” Lamar: “Cause we suck, man!” • Carl “Politicians are temporary. Wu-Tang is forever.” -@PressedNC “Coffee is not meaningless. Coffee is everything.” -LiyaZee “in the grand scheme of things, aren't we ALL between a sex store and a crematorium?” -Chelsea “You can cancel the show. You can not. Cancel. The culture.” -Chico “Go be bitter elsewhere.” -Hannah “Happy holidays ... and you’re welcome.” -Wayne Brady.... after telling us he’s not wearing underwear. === May our collective 2021 not suck as much as this year did. Seriously, I tried to burn my calendar and it wouldn’t burn. Anyway, here’s to 2021... Come together, just think of tomorrow.

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piscesknight12-blog · 6 years ago

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If You Know, You Know — The Secret Handshake of Side-Pull Taps

When the new taproom for the Czech brewery Pivovar Hostomice opened in central Prague’s Petrská neighborhood a couple of years ago, no one knew how much things were going to change. For years, the location had been occupied by a grimy, grouchy-old-man pub that served Kozel, a middlebrow industrial Lager, and though I live nearby, I never bothered visiting after an initial peek. But a few days after the spot was taken over by its new owners, I stopped by and quickly spotted two very good signs. One, that one of the pub’s first guests was a writer for a Pivni.info, a Czech-language beer blog. And two, that as part of its renovation, Hostomice had installed a set of traditional side-pull faucets to pour its old-school Czech Lagers.

They were visible from the front door, a series of taps with horizontal handles, and because they were still new their brass fittings gleamed inside the dimly lit front room. The rest of the pub was just like it had been before, with its historic patina of 70-plus years of hard riding. The only real standouts were the taps, which the newly hired bartenders seemed to be still figuring out. Using side-pull faucets is almost always a two-handed operation, with one hand holding the glass while the other adjusts the flow accordingly, with each degree of the handle’s turn increasing the rate of dispense. Compared to the simple taps the pub had used in its previous, grouchy-old-man incarnation, the side-pull taps were a reassuring indication that the new owners actually cared about beer.

Like most aspects of Czech beer culture, side-pull (also called “side-pour”) faucets are relatively unknown by outsiders. But even outside Central Europe, a number of pubs that care about quality Lagers have adopted them in recent years, hailing their importance as part of a proper Lager pour. In Ottawa, Central Bierhaus pours its Pilsners and Dunkels from a fleet of side-pull faucets. In greater New York, beer halls like Radegast, Pilsener Haus, and Pier A all have side-pull faucets. In Portland, Oregon, the award-winning, Lager-focused Wayfinder Beer installed side-pulls when it opened in 2016.

“When you start a new project you get a chance to plant your flags about what is important to you,” says Charlie Devereux, one of Wayfinder’s founders. “One of the flags I wanted to plant was that we were serious about Lager beer, that we wanted to do it right, and that we were willing to invest in a method that would be interesting, but that more importantly would deliver a beer that we wanted to pour and to be served.”

For Wayfinder, that meant embracing several aspects of Central European pub culture, including heavy glassware marked with pouring lines on the side and a tapping-station sink filled with cold water to keep those glasses clean, wet, and cold until needed. It also meant side-pull faucets, which Devereux had noticed on his research trip to Germany and the Czech Republic a few years earlier.

“My first impression of the side-pull taps was that they did a great job of approximating what the gravity pours were doing,” he tells GBH. “I really liked the character and the quality of beer that way. It seemed like that this was a good way to get a good pour with a good foam, and do it fast and do it repeatedly, without having to yank a keg up onto the bar.”

As part of his research, Devereux had recorded videos in various Central European pubs and taprooms. When he watched those clips back home, he realized that one aspect of tapping Lager there was completely different from what many Americans believed.

It’s very different than the urban myth in the U.S.—the seven-minute pour. I taped a guy, and he filled three beers in 11 seconds.

— Charlie Devereux, Wayfinder Beer

“It was fascinating to me that they could pour half-liters that fast,” he says. “It’s very different than the urban myth back here, you know, the ‘seven-minute pour.’ I taped a guy, and he filled three beers in 11 seconds. And the guy at Na Parkánu was doing something similar.”

Na Parkánu is the flagship pub for Pilsner Urquell in the brewery’s hometown of Pilsen, Czech Republic, and it’s worth noting that side-pull taps are used in all of Pilsner Urquell’s high-end European tank bars, which serve an unpasteurized version of the classic pale Lager from massive tanks instead of standard kegs. Stateside, side-pull faucets are also used for many important Pilsner Urquell accounts, often sitting next to the traditional beer taps pouring American craft beers.

Bryan Panzica is a national rep for Pilsner Urquell in the U.S. who installs side-pull faucets and trains bar staff to use them on a daily basis. (He got his job after coming in second, by just one point, in the international finals of a Pilsner Urquell tapping competition in the Czech Republic.) I ask him to describe the difference between a traditional beer tap in the States and side-pull faucet from the Czech Republic.

“An American faucet is an on-off switch. It’s either on or it’s off. That’s it,” Panzica responds. “The side-pour faucet is more like a dimmer switch. You can get various degrees of foam. If you open the faucet 15 degrees, you’ll get straight foam, but if you open it 90 degrees, you get straight beer.”

Despite the visible differences on the exterior, the main difference is inside: side-pull taps are built around what is known as a ball valve, instead of the “plunger” type of valve in traditional beer founts. The tap itself is actually longer and hangs lower, and is intended to be submerged into the beer as it flows into the glass. In addition, a small screen inside the side-pull faucet helps to create foam.

“Inside, you have a screen that is basically a micro-screen,” Panzica explains. “You’re talking about foam going through a screen that produces an even denser foam. It’s the equivalent of cappuccino foam—it’s dense and wet. It will last anywhere from three to seven minutes, depending on the temperature of the room, and it’s protecting the beer the entire time.”

As I saw at the Hostomice pub, bar owners note that side-pull taps can be difficult for staff to use at first. In Salem, Massachusetts, Chris Lohring installed side-pull taps for his Czech-style Lagers at the Notch Brewing taproom.

“We wasted so much beer learning how to pour beer on these taps,” Lohring said. “The only way you can get good at pouring beer on these faucets is to do it repeatedly.”

The normal method of using side-pull faucets, Panzica notes, is almost the exact opposite of how beer is normally poured.

“Here in the United States, we put the beer in first and put the foam in second, on top of it,” Panzica said. “With this faucet, we put the foam in first and then pour the beer in second, underneath the foam cap.”

Normally, sticking a beer tap directly into a beer is a big no-no.

“There’s a dense, creamy head that’s meant to have the tap submerged in it. Which is just weird for us, you know?” Lohring says. “We’re taught over and over not to do that, that it’s not sanitary. But these taps are meant to do that. They’re easily removable and you can sanitize them.”

We wasted so much beer learning how to pour beer on these taps. The only way you can get good at it is to do it repeatedly.

— Chris Lohring, Notch Brewing

Because of the denseness of the foam and the measure line for the beer on the side of the glass, rather than at the top, accurately pouring the right volume can also be difficult.

“We have Czech half-liter mugs, which have a line on the side for the measurement,” Lohring said. “So you want to leave a good finger of foam, sometimes two, because the beer is going to settle up right to that line.”

But bar staff aren’t the only ones who need training with side-pull faucets. Customers who aren’t used to European-style Lager pours also need education.

“Nowadays, we’ve got our staff doing exactly what we want, and sometimes the customer looks at it and says, ‘Can I get this filled all the way up to the top?’” Lohring says. “And that’s when the fun starts, the conversation. Because you get to explain to the customer where the measure line is and how much volume is actually in the glass.”

Some 3,000 miles away in Oregon, Devereux recounts a similar experience. “The idea of a pour line [on a glass] is kind of a novel concept,” he says. “This is the Wild West. That does not exist here.”

In addition to the volume marked on the side of the glass, the role of foam is something that a lot of outsiders don’t get, especially in the era of the Iceman Pour. Panzica says that a thick layer of foam protects a glass of good Lager from oxidation. Devereux believes that foam actually enhances the taste and texture.

“I think what Lagers are doing benefit more from it,” he says. “It accentuates the creamy, velvety characteristics that are really part and parcel of the clean and delicious malt, and that kind of richness without being heavy. That’s a good way to describe good foam. That’s the key to making great Lager beer—that elusive textural experience. Good foam is just icing on the cake.”

That’s not to say that side-pull faucets are for everyone. A foam-generating side-pull is obviously impractical for growler fills, and probably not the ideal dispense for styles like IPAs and Pale Ales. One additional aspect is availability. At Wayfinder in Oregan, Devereux searched until he found side-pulls available at small, a regional distributor, Tap Your Keg in Washington State. At Notch, Lohring imported his own side-pull faucets from the main Czech manufacturer, Lukr.

But before you decide to add a couple to your kegerator, know that each tap usually costs $200 or more—more than five times as much as a normal beer tap with a plunger valve.

“In the U.S., a standard faucet starts at $25,” Devereux says. “The Belgian ones, which have flow control and all that, are maybe $70-100. So these are easily the most expensive taps that I know of.”

Like decoction mashing, ordering beers by their Balling (or Plato) numbers, and the easy-to-pronounce blend of pale and dark beers known as řezané pivo, side-pull taps remain one of the quirky aspects that make Czech beer culture what it is today. That’s not to say that all of the best Czech pubs always have side-pull faucets, or that you can’t get a decent Lager pour from a standard beer tap. They’re almost never used at beer festivals, for example, and even some of the best pubs in Prague, like Pivovarský Klub, don’t have them. When I drove out to the town of Hostomice to visit Pivovar Hostomice last month, I asked owner and brewer Štěpán Kříž about the side-pull faucets he’d installed in his pub in Prague, and he said he didn’t know if they really made much difference, but that they looked nice.

With brass, chrome or stainless fittings and wide, horizontal handles—fitted with oak or even porcelain—they certainly do look cool. But beyond the mere form, brewers like Lohring back their function.

“It was probably the Golden Tiger,” he says, referring to the great Pilsner Urquell tank pub in Prague when I ask him where he first saw them in action. “I sat and watched that guy pour beer after beer. One thing was just the coolness factor of the tap. And the other was the functionality, the way the tap creates that thick foam on top. And then drinking through that foam.”

He pauses for a second.

“You can’t recreate that pour with any other tap.”

Source: https://www.goodbeerhunting.com/blog/2018/8/21/on-the-pull-czech-side-pull-taps

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jesseneufeld · 5 years ago

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As coronavirus spreads, many questions and some answers

The rapid spread of COVID-19 has sparked alarm worldwide. The World Health Organization (WHO) has declared a global health emergency, and many countries are grappling with a rise in confirmed cases. In the US, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is advising people to be prepared for disruptions to daily life that will be necessary if the virus spreads within communities.

Below, we’re responding to a number of questions about COVID-19 raised by Harvard Health Blog readers. We hope to add further questions and update answers as reliable information becomes available.

Does the virus spread person-to-person?

What is the incubation period for the virus?

What are the symptoms?

Can people who are asymptomatic spread the virus?

Can the virus live on fabric, carpet, and other soft surfaces? What about hard surfaces?

Should I wear a face mask? Should my children?

Should someone who is immunocompromised wear a face mask?

Should I accept packages from China?

an I catch the virus by eating food prepared by others?

Should I travel on a plane with my children?

Is there a vaccine available?

Is there a treatment available?

How is this virus confirmed?

How deadly is COVID-19?

What should people do if they think they have the virus or their child does? Go to an urgent care clinic? Go to the ER?

Can people who recover from the virus still be carriers and therefore spread it?

Does the virus spread person-to-person?

Yes, the virus can spread from one person to another, most likely through droplets of saliva or mucus carried in the air for up to six feet or so when an infected person coughs or sneezes, or through viral particles transferred when shaking hands or sharing a drink with someone who has the virus.

Often it’s obvious if a person is ill, but there have been some cases where people who did not yet feel sick had the virus and could spread it.

Basic steps for avoiding flu and other infections — including steps for handwashing shown in this video — are likely to help stop the spread of this virus. The CDC has a helpful list of preventive steps.

Quarantines and travel restrictions now in place in many counties, including the US, are also intended to help break the chain of transmission. Public health authorities like the CDC may recommend other approaches for people who may have been exposed to the virus, including isolation at home and symptom monitoring for a period of time (usually 14 days), depending on level of risk for exposure. The CDC has guidelines for people who have the virus to help with recovery and prevent others from getting sick.

What is the incubation period for the virus?

An incubation period is the time between catching an illness and showing symptoms of the illness. Current estimates suggest that symptoms of COVID-19 usually appear within around five days or less in most cases, but the range could be between one and 14 days.

What are the symptoms?

Fever, dry cough, trouble breathing, and sometimes pneumonia are the common symptoms of COVID-19. There have been some reports of gastrointestinal symptoms (nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea) before respiratory symptoms occur, but this is largely a respiratory virus.

Those who have the virus may have no obvious symptoms (be asymptomatic) or symptoms ranging from mild to severe. In some cases, the virus is life-threatening or fatal.

Currently, it seems that most people who get sick will recover from COVID-19. Recovery time varies and, for people who are not severely ill, may be similar to the aftermath of a flulike illness. People with mild symptoms may recover within a few days. People who have pneumonia may take longer to recover (days to weeks). In cases of severe, life-threatening illness, it may take months for a person to recover, or the person may die.

Can people who are asymptomatic spread the virus?

A person who is asymptomatic may be shedding the virus and could make others ill. How often asymptomatic transmission is occurring is unclear.

Can the virus live on fabric, carpet, and other soft surfaces? What about hard surfaces?

Currently, there’s no evidence that the virus can be transmitted from soft surfaces like fabric or carpet to humans.

It’s possible that the virus could be on frequently-touched surfaces, such as a doorknob, although early information suggests viral particles would be likely to survive for just a few hours, according to the WHO. This also assumes that someone who is sick with the virus has touched a surface after sneezing or coughing into their hand or rubbing their eye. That’s why personal preventive steps like frequently washing hands with soap and water or an alcohol-based hand sanitizer, and wiping down often-touched surfaces with disinfectants or a household cleaning spray, are a good idea.

Should I wear a face mask? Should my children?

Follow public health recommendations where you live. Currently, face masks are not recommended for the general public in the US. Your risk of catching the virus in the US is likely to be low, since there is little evidence of community transmission at this time. At this writing, only one confirmed case in the US is unrelated to travel to China or close contact with travelers from China. Even though there are some confirmed cases of COVID-19 in the US, you’re much more likely to catch and spread influenza (the flu). (So far this season, there have been nearly 30 million cases of flu and 17,000 deaths.)

Some health facilities require people to wear a mask under certain circumstances, such as if they have traveled from the city of Wuhan, China or surrounding Hubei Province, or have been in contact with people who did or with people who have confirmed coronavirus.

If you have respiratory symptoms like coughing or sneezing, experts recommend wearing a mask to protect others. This may help contain droplets containing any type of virus, including the flu, and protect close contacts (anyone within three to six feet of the infected person).

The CDC offers more information about masks. The WHO offers videos and illustrations on when and how to use a mask.

Should someone who is immunocompromised wear a mask?

If you are immunocompromised because of an illness or treatment, talk to your doctor about whether wearing a mask is helpful for you in some situations. We are currently in the middle of a flu epidemic in the US. By contrast, we have limited cases of COVID-19 and no evidence of sustained person-to-person transmission in our communities. At this time, it wouldn’t make sense for someone who is immunocompromised to wear a mask when in public to decrease risk for catching COVID-19. However, if your healthcare provider advises you to wear a mask when in public areas because you have a particularly vulnerable immune system, follow that advice. But if masking has not been recommended to you to protect against the flu and numerous other respiratory viruses, then it doesn’t make sense to me to advise wearing a mask to protect against COVID-19 at this time.

Should I accept packages from China?

There is no reason to suspect that packages from China harbor COVID-19. Remember, this is a respiratory virus similar to the flu. We don’t stop receiving packages from China during their flu season. We should follow that same logic for this novel pathogen.

Can I catch the virus by eating food prepared by others?

We are still learning about transmission of COVID-19. It’s not clear if this is possible, but if so it would be more likely to be the exception than the rule. That said, COVID-19 and other coronaviruses have been detected in the stool of certain patients, so we currently cannot rule out the possibility of occasional transmission from infected food handlers. The virus would likely be killed by cooking the food.

Should I travel on a plane with my children?

Keep abreast of travel advisories from regulatory agencies and understand that this is a rapidly changing situation. At this writing, most travel throughout the world is unrestricted (exceptions include China and now South Korea). I recently flew with my son and his friend and did not bring any type of masks.

Of course, if anyone has a fever and respiratory symptoms, that person should not fly if at all possible, but anyone who has a fever and respiratory symptoms and flies anyway should wear a mask on an airplane.

Is there a vaccine available?

No vaccine is available, although scientists are working on vaccines. In 2003, scientists tried to develop a vaccine to prevent SARS but the epidemic ended before the vaccine could enter clinical trials.

Is there a treatment available?

Currently there is no specific antiviral treatment for COVID-19. Treatment is therefore supportive, which means giving fluids, medicine to reduce fever, and, in severe cases, supplemental oxygen. People who become critically ill from COVID-19 may need a respirator to help them breathe. Bacterial infection can complicate this viral infection. Patients may require antibiotics in cases of bacterial pneumonia as well as COVID-19.

Antiviral treatments used for HIV and other compounds are being investigated.

There’s no evidence that supplements, such as vitamin C, or probiotics will help speed recovery.

How is this virus confirmed?

A specialized test must be done to confirm that a person has COVID-19. Most testing in the US has been performed at the CDC. However, the goal is to send test kits to state laboratories so testing can be performed locally.

How deadly is COVID-19?

We don’t yet know. However, signs suggest that many people may have had mild cases of the virus and recovered without special treatment.

Very early in this epidemic, it looked like about 20% of cases were severe. People developed acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), which causes tiny air sacs in the lungs to fill with fluid, crowding out air so that not enough oxygen can reach the bloodstream.

As of February 25, 2020, the reported confirmed cases and deaths in China suggest the mortality rate is roughly 3%. It is important to remember that early on in an epidemic there is a “tip of the iceberg” phenomenon where we overestimate more severe cases and mild or asymptomatic cases go unrecognized, so the mortality seems higher than the reality. That may be happening when we speak of up to 3% mortality. By contrast, SARS had a mortality rate of around 10%; the MERS mortality rate is closer to 30% to 40%. There appear to be many more COVID-19 cases confirmed than there were with SARS and MERS.

What should people do if they think they have the virus or their child does? Go to an urgent care clinic? Go to the ER?

If you have a health care provider or pediatrician, call them first for advice. If you live in the US, it’s far more likely to be the flu or another viral illness.

If you do not have a doctor and you are concerned that you or your child may have COVID-19, contact your local board of health. They can direct you to the best place for evaluation and treatment in your area.

Only people with symptoms of severe respiratory illness should seek medical care in the ER. Severe symptoms are rapid heart rate, low blood pressure, high or very low temperatures, confusion, trouble breathing, severe dehydration. Call ahead to tell the ER that you are coming so they can be prepared for your arrival.

Can people who recover from the virus still be carriers and therefore spread it?

People who get COVID-19 need to work with providers and public health authorities to determine when they are no longer contagious.

Reliable resources

WHO coronavirus website and answers to frequently asked questions

WHO coronavirus mythbusters page

CDC coronavirus website and answers to frequently asked questions

Also, read our earlier blog posts on coronavirus:

The new coronavirus: What we do — and don’t — know

Be careful where you get your news about coronavirus

Coronavirus: What parents should know and do

The post As coronavirus spreads, many questions and some answers appeared first on Harvard Health Blog.

As coronavirus spreads, many questions and some answers published first on https://drugaddictionsrehab.tumblr.com/

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mhealthb007 · 5 years ago

Link

Below, we’re responding to a number of questions about COVID-19 raised by Harvard Health Blog readers. We hope to add further questions and update answers as reliable information becomes available.

Does the virus spread person-to-person?

What is the incubation period for the virus?

What are the symptoms?

Can people who are asymptomatic spread the virus?

Can the virus live on fabric, carpet, and other soft surfaces? What about hard surfaces?

Should I wear a face mask? Should my children?

Should someone who is immunocompromised wear a face mask?

Should I accept packages from China?

an I catch the virus by eating food prepared by others?

Should I travel on a plane with my children?

Is there a vaccine available?

Is there a treatment available?

How is this virus confirmed?

How deadly is COVID-19?

What should people do if they think they have the virus or their child does? Go to an urgent care clinic? Go to the ER?

Can people who recover from the virus still be carriers and therefore spread it?

Does the virus spread person-to-person?

Often it’s obvious if a person is ill, but there have been some cases where people who did not yet feel sick had the virus and could spread it.

Basic steps for avoiding flu and other infections—including steps for handwashing shown in this video—are likely to help stop the spread of this virus. The CDC has a helpful list of preventive steps.

What is the incubation period for the virus?

What are the symptoms?

Those who have the virus may have no obvious symptoms (be asymptomatic) or symptoms ranging from mild to severe. In some cases, the virus is life-threatening or fatal.

Can people who are asymptomatic spread the virus?

A person who is asymptomatic may be shedding the virus and could make others ill. How often asymptomatic transmission is occurring is unclear.

Can the virus live on fabric, carpet, and other soft surfaces? What about hard surfaces?

Currently, there’s no evidence that the virus can be transmitted from soft surfaces like fabric or carpet to humans.

Should I wear a face mask? Should my children?

The CDC offers more information about masks. The WHO offers videos and illustrations on when and how to use a mask.

Should someone who is immunocompromised wear a mask?

Should I accept packages from China?

Can I catch the virus by eating food prepared by others?

Should I travel on a plane with my children?

Is there a vaccine available?

Is there a treatment available?

Antiviral treatments used for HIV and other compounds are being investigated.

There’s no evidence that supplements, such as vitamin C, or probiotics will help speed recovery.

How is this virus confirmed?

How deadly is COVID-19?

We don’t yet know. However, signs suggest that many people may have had mild cases of the virus and recovered without special treatment.

What should people do if they think they have the virus or their child does? Go to an urgent care clinic? Go to the ER?

If you have a health care provider or pediatrician, call them first for advice. If you live in the US, it’s far more likely to be the flu or another viral illness.

Can people who recover from the virus still be carriers and therefore spread it?

People who get COVID-19 need to work with providers and public health authorities to determine when they are no longer contagious.

Reliable resources:

WHO coronavirus web site and answers to frequently asked questions

WHO coronavirus mythbusters page

CDC coronavirus web site and answers to frequently asked questions

Also, read our earlier blog posts on coronavirus:

The new coronavirus: What we do — and don’t — know

Be careful where you get your news about coronavirus

Coronavirus: What parents should know and do

The post As coronavirus spreads, many questions and some answers appeared first on Harvard Health Blog.

from Harvard Health Blog https://ift.tt/2VroBCc Original Content By : https://ift.tt/1UayBFY

#Health #Fitness #Healthy #Fit #Health and Fitness #Being Healthy #Health maintenance #fitness mainte

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osborncabrera4-blog · 6 years ago

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misselaineousme-blog · 7 years ago

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Environmental Gift Guide: More Thought, Less Waste

Halloween and Bonfire Night have come and gone. The nights are longer and temperatures colder. Shops have turned themselves over to gift wrap and bath sets, coloured lights and chocolate boxes, tinsel and trendy toys. Christmas is definitely on its way. If you’re concerned about reducing waste, how do you avoid adding to the tsunami of brightly coloured paper, plastic, and other bits and bobs that are about to land on our doorstep?

I originally tackled this question in a blog post last year, and while I think my suggestions are still sound—use a bit of creativity to wrap gifts and for the love of all that’s holy don’t use greeting cards or gift wrap with glitter—I have been pondering what else can be done.

They say it’s the thought that counts when it comes to gift giving, but how much thought has really gone into many of the items that end up under the tree, in a stocking, or given at an office gift exchange? It feels like Christmas has become an excuse for just getting something—anything—that is vaguely appropriate. We have conflated quantity with caring and adopted the attitude that something is better than nothing.

How to combat this while still participating in holiday traditions? I think much of it boils down to shopping mindfully rather than on autopilot. It’s asking the questions, “How long will this gift last? Is it something the recipient actually needs or wants?” It’s looking at the packaging: can it be recycled? It’s even going so far as to think about the disposal: is it the type of item that will break quickly and end up in a landfill before the end of January? Or was it built to last and could have a second life in a charity shop? Does the gift even have to be tangible at all? After all, we are living in an increasingly dematerialised world as films, books, and music shed their physical presence to take up residence in the Cloud.

With all this in mind, I’ve put together a list of some of my favourite eco (or eco-ish) gifts, and I hope it helps you find something for everyone on your list:

For the caffeine addict:

With 2.5 billion coffee cups disposed of every year in the UK, anything that can make a dent in this number is a big help. I like the cups by eCoffee: made from sustainable bamboo, they come in fun patterns (I’m partial to the William Morris designs), are incredibly lightweight, and are a great size for that morning cuppa. You could also consider getting a personalised mug or something a bit different through Redbubble (useful if your recipient is a fan of pop culture references).

Looking for a bit extra? Fairtrade tea or coffee is a nice stocking filler, or a voucher to a friend or family member’s favourite café is a great way to reduce waste while letting them get exactly what they want.

For the sporty:

There are so many stylish reusable water bottles out there now that you are spoiled for choice when it comes to shopping for the athlete in your life: metal, BPA-free plastic, foldable … helping to avoid single-use plastics is a gift that benefits everyone.

For those with—or without—a green thumb:

I love the idea behind Seedball: native wildflower seeds are wrapped up in a bit of clay, chilli powder is used to keep the insects away, and compost to give the seeds a head start. They come packaged in a lovely tin that is perfect for a stocking, or buy one of the sets to give as a main present. Simply sow the seeds on the ground or stick a few balls in a pot to enjoy flowers throughout the year.

This next gift suggestion is a bit unusual but bear with me: a compost bin. If your recipient’s garden has the space and it’s something they’ve shown an interest in but haven’t gotten around to getting yet themselves, a basic Dalek-style compost bin could be just the ticket. Bow or ribbon optional.

For the explorer:

Giving experiences that can be used throughout the year is a great way to almost completely eliminate Christmas waste while also helping the recipient make lasting memories. You’ll have science on your side too: it’s been shown that people tend to gain greater happiness from experiences rather than things. To this end, consider giving an annual membership to the National Trust, English Heritage, or the British Museum (the latter is one of my favourite gifts to find under the tree!). Or think local: in our neck of the woods there’s Westonbirt Arboretum, Bristol Zoo, Bowood House, and Longleat.

For the wildlife lover:

Gifts for the garden are the type that keep giving: bee houses, bat houses, bird feeders, and nest boxes help provide wildlife habitat and give the recipient something to watch out for during the year. Bonus points: help them install it!

There’s also adopting an animal. Not for real, of course (dogs, cats, and guinea pigs are for life, not just Christmas), but through a charity such as the Wildlife Trusts. Seals, puffins, and red squirrels are all up for grabs, and most wildlife charities will offer something similar.

For the house proud:

I was introduced to Weaver Green’s products earlier this year and absolutely love that they have managed to turn recycled plastic bottles into stunning and stylish rugs, cushions, blankets, and handbags. The colours and designs are easy on the eyes, and despite being made from plastic the rugs are soft under foot. I can also vouch that the rugs clean up easy so they’re ideal in a kitchen or bathroom, and while I haven’t tried them outside, they are advertised as being versatile.

For children:

In addition to my passion for making the environment a better place, I am also a firm believer in gender equality. While culture is slowly (ever so slowly) changing, one place where we have more direct control is the toy box. Please consider the gifts you give your children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and any kids you shop for: do they perpetuate gender stereotypes? Chemistry sets, Legos, superheroes, and dinosaurs are not just for boys. Cooking, kitchens, cuddly toys, and crafts are not just for girls. While it’s important to consider if a gift is age appropriate, the gender of the recipient shouldn’t factor into your decision.

When giving gifts to children in particular, a big question to consider is whether the item can easily be handed down or taken to a charity shop once it’s outgrown (in other words, try to avoid the plastic toys that break if you look at them the wrong way). In Chippenham, Hall’s Emporium of Fancy Goods and Clever Minds have a great selection of children’s gifts. Please just consider breaking out of the pink-and-blue prison.

For those who need to relax:

Vouchers to a local spa or beauty treatment are always welcome (at least in my household!). If you can support an independent business as well, then so much the better.

The traditional bath set can also be used for some good: I discovered Human+Kind this summer and besides liking their tagline (“skincare with a conscience”), their products smell divine and feel great.

For the reader:

If you know that your intended recipient has a favourite magazine that they splurge on at the newsstand, consider giving them a 6- or 12-month subscription to it. Even less waste: can it be converted to a subscription that can be read on their tablet or eReader?

One of the best gifts I ever received was an eReader and I am never without my Kindle. If you know what type of eReader your recipient has, vouchers for books are always welcome (hint, hint).

For the movie buff:

There are so many ways to enjoy television programmes and films today, whether your recipient prefers watching from the comfort of home or wants a night out. You can purchase a gift card for Netflix, or consider a monthly or annual membership to the cinema through something like Odeon Limitless, Cineworld Unlimited, or Picturehouse (check which is closest to your friend or family member).

For those who like funky feet:

A fashion for brightly coloured socks has swept the nation over the past several years and you don’t have to look far to find fun socks made out of bamboo, silk, or even merino wool. If you want your gift to go twice as far, consider supporting Stand4Socks: each pattern helps support a different topic such as safe water, homelessness, and gender equality.

For those who have everything:

Who Gives a Crap isn’t a company I’ve tried myself, but they produce a range of forest-friendly toilet paper, tissues, and paper towels. One of the most eye-opening books I’ve ever read was Rose George’s The Big Necessity. Quite simply it’s a book about toilets … and how nearly half of the world doesn’t have proper sanitation. The health and social problems this causes cannot be understated, which is why Who Gives a Crap and their promise to use half their profits build loos in developing countries caught my eye.

This may be even more unusual than the toilet paper: bees’ wax infused wraps. These pieces of fabric can be used in place of cling film to help cut down on single-use plastic.

Everything else: Still looking for that certain something?

Gift Cards: Maybe I’m jaded, but I think one of the reasons Christmas has gotten a bit out of hand is because people want the social media friendly image of a tree surrounded by piles of presents. A gift card in an envelope doesn’t make quite the same impression, but it almost completely reduces packaging waste, doesn’t take up space or need to be dusted, and in many cases lets the recipient choose exactly what they want. I understand wanting to give children something to open, but I would hope adults can get a bit of Christmas joy without the wrapping paper and bows.

Experiences: Besides gifts of annual memberships, there are so many other days out that you can treat friends and family to, from hot air balloon rides to afternoon tea to a day at the races. Virgin and Woodmansterne offer packages, or you can put together your own custom surprise (Jon is very good at this!).

Learning: Whether blowing glass, sewing, or decorating cakes, there are enough how-to courses out there to tempt even the pickiest of recipients (chocolate making perhaps?). Just visit Google for the nearest class.

Charity: The musical Avenue Q said it best: “When you help others, you can’t help helping yourself.” There are so many worthwhile charities that you can donate to in the name of your recipient. Besides the Adopt-an-Animal schemes already mentioned, you can have a tree or two planted by the Woodland Trust, purchase a goat (or chicken or school books) through Oxfam Unwrapped, or even subscribe someone to the Big Issue. Check out Guide Star to see how funds are spent.

DIY: Don’t overlook making something yourself: if you have a bit of spare time and a favourite recipe, a homemade treat is always welcome. Or consider actual DIY—is there something that a friend or family member needs done around the house that you can help with?

And finally … I admit I'm a big fan of online shopping, but when it comes to gifts I think shopping local as much as possible is a great way to help businesses within the community. And don’t overlook supporting independent artists at seasonal craft fairs. Indeed, if this post has encouraged you to look for something a little different, consider visiting the Cricklade Christmas Fair this Sunday (12 November) at Cricklade Leisure Centre (Stones Lane, Cricklade, SN6 6JW). I’ll be there selling a collection Christmas tags designed to be kept rather than binned—stop by and say hello.

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rubbishwalks · 7 years ago

Text

Environmental Gift Guide: More Thought, Less Waste

With all this in mind, I’ve put together a list of some of my favourite eco (or eco-ish) gifts, and I hope it helps you find something for everyone on your list:

For the caffeine addict:

For the sporty:

For those with—or without—a green thumb:

For the explorer:

For the wildlife lover:

For the house proud:

For children:

For those who need to relax:

Vouchers to a local spa or beauty treatment are always welcome (at least in my household!). If you can support an independent business as well, then so much the better.

For the reader:

One of the best gifts I ever received was an eReader and I am never without my Kindle. If you know what type of eReader your recipient has, vouchers for books are always welcome (hint, hint).

For the movie buff:

For those who like funky feet:

For those who have everything:

This may be even more unusual than the toilet paper: bees’ wax infused wraps. These pieces of fabric can be used in place of cling film to help cut down on single-use plastic.

Everything else: Still looking for that certain something?

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feedit · 7 years ago

Text

The Things She Carries

How heavy is your diaper bag?

Just this summer I officially stopped carrying my Big Diaper Bag on most days. Both kids were out of diapers (!!!!) and accidents were rare (fingers crossed) and we could usually make it through most of a day out and about with water bottles, a few snacks, a lollypop or two, and some luck packed into my small mommy backpack with my keys, phone and wallet. And that FEELING of leaving the house so unencumbered (as much as one can be unencumbered with two children in tow) was incredible.

My giant diaper bag, ready for an evening out.

I calculated that my diaper bag, when fully loaded, weighed well over 25 lbs. Diapers (two sizes), wipes, butt cream, juice(s), travel milk cup, spare pants (and underpants), bibs, table covers, snacks, backup snacks, healthy treats, escalation treats, Lysol wipes, hand sanitizer, gigi (security blanket), spare gigi, sunscreen, water for Mom, toys for the train, book I will never read, and more were packed into my lovely diaper bag.

I selected this bag very carefully before I was a Mom, and, with all the naiveté of someone not-yet-a-parent, I also bought a small matching handbag because, I imagined, I would simply bring *my* things for an evening out in my clutch and the baby’s things would be meticulously packed away in the diaper bag for relaxing evenings out on the town as a family.

The reality was, is, of course, that I put that clutch away for nearly six years while I was hauling around that giant, overstuffed, diaper bag like the pack mule we all never intend to be. When we did go out, I carried that bag. Even though my husband offered, I felt lost without it. It was my self-imposed burden to bear.

As my physical load has lightened, I noticed that my psychological load has not. I don't carry as much stuff around with me in my arms, but my brain and my time are as overstuffed with tasks as my old diaper bag configuration was.

In her amazing article in Harper’s Bazaar, Gemma Hartley describes trying to explain the phenomenon of Emotional Labor as she urges her husband to take notice of the myriad of tasks it takes to run a household. The article is titled “Stop Calling Women Nags - How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality,” and it speaks to the frustration - often coming to a boiling point (and requiring, as Ms. Hartley gently describes, ‘damage control,’) once the beleaguered Mom has Simply. Had. Enough.

Recently I vented about this with my Book Group friends and was not surprised to find myself in good company. That week, my husband asked me to find a sitter so we could go out with friends who were randomly in town. It was a short-turnaround request and a holiday, two strikes against me, but what made it more frustrating, I found myself saying, is that no matter what the outcome of my efforts, his life wouldn’t change. He could still go out - or not - because it’s assumed that I will simply stay home with the boys. Somehow that’s on me.

Heads nodded and everyone had a story to tell about forgotten pacifiers and too much screen time. One friend sent me a message later detailing how her that very night, her husband hadn’t put their child to bed with his diaper on (as he’s supposed to) because “He didn’t want to wear one,” and so she was faced with the dilemma of either diapering him before she went to bed (as her husband assumed she would) or cleaning up a late-night mess.

“Really?” she wrote, “Really? I have a title for your blog post... ‘Emotional Labor vs. Dumbassery.’ “

It’s funny because it’s true, but it’s also a revealing element of the Parenting Culture.

In Hillary Clinton’s raw and revealing new book, “What Happened,” she mentions how even as the first woman partner in a law firm in Arkansas, she was the one responsible for the Emotional Labor in their family. Remembering the birthdays and the spelling tests and getting the clean leotard out for ballet class, which is on for Tuesday but cancelled next week… It struck me that even as the First Lady of Arkansas, as First Lady of the Nation, she always had that role in addition to Everything Else.

Former First Lady Michelle Obama called herself the Mom-in-Chief, which polarized feminists and as mentioned in this piece from Salon, seems to degrade any experience of Motherhood that’s not 24-7. “These notions, sometimes referred to as “intensive motherhood,” leave little room for women to focus on careers, activities or commitments outside of caring for children.”

So Mrs. Obama’s attempts at so-called-balance were just as precarious and full of self-doubt as any of the rest of us.

I remember reading Arlie Hochschild’s The Second Shift in college, long before I ever considered having children and I wondered to myself how my mother did it all but also WHY did she do it all? I now know the answer: She did it all because she had to. I loved my father but he did not play a substantial role in my family’s Emotional Labor Force.

So how did I end up here, with so many of my educated, independent, intelligent Mother friends and women of power alike? Did we create this by insisting on carrying the load ourselves? It’s hard to put it down, because, especially for SAHMs like myself, it’s what we do. It’s ‘all’ we do, when someone asks us what we do all day, and we struggle for an specific answer.

Perhaps it’s that element of Dumbassery, as my eloquent friend put it. Or perhaps we just need to call out these inequities and ask for more with the understanding that it might get done differently than we would have done it, but that’s OK. Great, even.

In our situation, I explained my frustration and my husband got it. He handled the arrangements and we found a way for us all to win. Another friend told her husband that she needed a break and he booked both a sitter and a restaurant. There’s hope for us all. Hopefully next time, neither one of us has to ask.

When we decided that I would stay home with the kids, I realized that the majority of household tasks would fall to me. And I feel the need to add that my husband is a great Dad, a wonderful partner, and an active part of keeping our house running smoothly. But as lives, as marriages, evolve, we are entering into a new phase. Our family still needs me - and the things I do - more than ever, but they are different things now than when they were babies. I’ve been carrying this weight because I insisted on holding the bag, all of the time. That was on me. But it’s time for a change.

I’m happy we are finding ways to lighten the load, together.

#emotionallabor #momlife #diaperbag #change #whatsnext

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