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#I know im lucky in a lot of ways
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This one powdered detergent smells so fucking good but my building said “only liquid in the machines” and if I use it hand washing my stuff is sometimes stiff afterwards. It smells so fucking good though 😫 and lasts way longer than the liquid stuff 😔 but they have cameras outside the laundry room (and I know they use them because sometimes they will put a note by your door if you forget a rule) so I can’t get away with using it in the machines. The shirt I put on today was washed a few months ago when I was still using it and it smells so good 🫠 I am sad
#emma posts#is it a bit unnerving to have cameras in the hallways? yes#but there aren’t any in the actual apartments and with the money i have it was either this place#a place without full sized kitchen appliances#and a place that was cheap but was known for its bedbug problems#so I picked the nicest one I could get. obviously#out of the options I had im picking the best I can get for myself#and this place is actually fairly nice#they get money from the state and county for housing poor and disabled people so that’s who they want#im really lucky that there was a place like that here#so im not risking eviction if I can help it#it’s a weird kind of stress to be living somewhere you won’t stress over living in but will stress over loosing#it’s like ‘wow. I found somewhere actually kinda nice that will take me. i can’t loose it oh my god’#and the property owners seem a bit more out of touch than the building managers but it’s this. no oven. or bedbugs#so it’s obvious which im hoping works out for quite awhile#renting always feels impermanent though#im actually lucky that if I don’t have a place I can live with my family#but I can’t keep all my stuff if I do and i don’t want to buy/find new furniture again#I know im lucky in a lot of ways#but that can run out and I know it#I can’t drive so I need to live in town but towns are always more expensive#unless you include the price of running a farm or something#that gets into harder to quantify territory#like. equipment and parts and fuel and seeds and fertilizer etc#expensive. BUT you are spending it on a thing that is how you get money#so you just hope that things don’t become more expensive than you get#or that you don’t have shitty harvests#and it’s not like it’s easy to sell a house out there#I’ll stop getting into family farm stuff#our dad tried to encourage us to leave it actually 😅
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redheadedfailgirl · 3 months
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From 'Dream of a woman' By Cacey Plett.
This sums up exactly how I feel about most transition timelines. As much as they reflect people's experiences, they are also a narrative. And the narratives that get shared the most tell a lot about what our values are. The timelines that get the most attention are the ones where people go from sad, loser, nothing boys into beautiful women.
But if you go to /r/transitiontimelines or a similar place, and sort by controversial or look at what has the least likes, its people who made timelines when they still don't 'pass' yet. Even if they're happy as can be, that's not what people are looking for.
I think it says a lot about what people expect from trans women, that they only want to see us be beautiful. In some cases, that they want to believe they can be beautiful. So there is no value in trans life if you're not beautiful.
#i dont know if this is exactly what the narrative was trying to convey here but it is something i felt while reading it#and i hope thats meaningful to others when shared#i know he's kind of a chucklefuck but i so think 'the queer art of failure' by J. Halberstam has a lot to say about the impetus to he happy#and its conditions#a lot of the time i feel like i have to perform positivity as a trans woman because its whats expected both from women#and from people lucky enough to transition#while at the same time social conditions are worsening and even personally#there arent solutions to much of my dysphoria#regardless of all that you're expected to just be happy even though the conditions for that don't exist#i think being honest about those things#that negativity#can bring its own happiness#and i think thats also valuable#i guess what im trying to say is that i think ugly trannies can be happy and should be valued#i think sad trannies are wonderful and ought to be cherished#and i think people shouldnt have to pretend to be happy in the same way a woman shouldn't have to pretend to be a man#maybe that doesnt make full sense and i need to think harder to communicate my feelings#but thats the vibe rn#anyways#i really like this book and yall should check it out#dream of a woman#cacey plett#trans women#transgender#trans#transmisogyny#transition timeline#i dont mean this post to denigrate timelines btw#just the way that we give certain ones attention and the teleology of transition that follows#books
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oh-katsuki · 1 year
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im gonna say something corny but... the profound effect that living in a women-only house had on me was and is insane. it was (almost) completely by chance that only women ended up living there, but i think moving in with my housemates was possibly the best decision i've ever made. i genuinely wish i could describe that kind of love and community, but i don't have the vocabulary. all that i know is that it's such a privilege to have gotten to live in that house and to love those women and to get to keep loving them. they're my most precious friends and i owe that feeling of safety and community to them. there was just something very special about that house. i was very lucky, i think. i don't think people get to love like this every day.
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sciderman · 5 months
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Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?
actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.
my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.
#sci speaks#i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me.#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men.#i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring.#also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life.#this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed.#lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??”#“why are you together??????????”#i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror.#i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better.#the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified#but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships.#just an observation.#i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but.#of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does.#it makes a difference. it does.#which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body”#im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me.#i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have.#my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here.#sorry this went off on a tangent.#but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues.#i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous.#i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got.#once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that!#couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.
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corfisers · 10 months
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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kitten-on-the-puter · 9 months
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Maybe I'm Suffering from Success but the gatcha portion of Limbus feels really easy?? I've not played many gatcha games but it usually takes a long time in those to save up for pulls- however LC practically gives em out for free!! Not only that but I get new characters so so easily here it's pretty much at least two '00' characters per 10 extraction
So anyways I have so many new identities that I do not have the resources to build and I have no clue which ones are any good
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meringuejellyfish · 4 months
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ohohoh
#its Fun to be in the state of "just thinking not talking'' living in your own head. this way of going about your day to day has been#troubling me a lot lately (despite being this way for a very long time) as of now im thinking of it in relation to Having interests. but it#just a deeply nestled general being a person thing aswell. its very much not good lol.#not afraid of being perceived rather harboring a deep sadness about not being 'fully' percieved. not presenting 'everything' its so strange#the barrier that exists for no reason other than ''i dont talk/cant talk''#it should be simple and natural to simply say what youre thinking and take opportunity to discuss#like ouhhh man. people can only know you so much if you dont give them anything to work with In a sense#and well its just upsetting. want to talk converse discuss be open natural expressive and all around known#and oh it all feels so silly when its not a specific thing. not a grand secret youve kept. just a general ''i dont know know how to get to#the point of expressing myself fully''#hmhmhm ! hmhmhmh ! hmhm#lucky to be in a space of kind pleasant passionate people who all do their things and talk of their doings and life#its my future ............. and i can hold it in the palm of my hand ! its a me thing ifve gotta continue with trying every day to say a#little more. actually partake a bit in a discussion. like my things and live my life as a person with many facets#i can do things ohhhhhuhhhh its haurd. i can do things and say things and think things
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altruistic-meme · 1 day
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waded through the wreckage of a house 👍 shits fucked!
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good-beanswrites · 7 months
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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.
Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!
Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...
I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm
Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.
Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.
“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.
She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store. 
Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore. 
“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.
It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”
She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath. 
Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.
She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.
Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her. 
So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death. 
“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno. 
“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying. 
At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”
Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.
“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”
The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.
But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.
Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well? 
At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe. 
“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”
#milgram#mahiru shiina#yuno kashiki#amane and fuuta mentioned#i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk#i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that#anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0#drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result#i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together#the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices#im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd#i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared#but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off#not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky#i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon#and *shes* the odd one out for craving company#then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else#i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles
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hiveswap · 7 months
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,
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raeofgayshine · 5 months
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I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.
For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.
#ravenpuff rambles#I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times#several of whom are still in my life now#but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place#I don’t know how to explain it#I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit#and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me#maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind#never had someone quite get that before#and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart#admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming#and so maybe that helps#but it’s like#Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘#‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’#It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word#anyways#I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me#and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream#no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay#its nothing and everything like I always thought of#and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness#yes I wish I could see them in person#but I can be okay with everything I do get
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nateslehky · 1 year
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listen.... i love matthew and sasha as much as the next person, but sometimes i really do miss them
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bitchfitch · 1 year
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a lot of the comments on that stained glass post are really funny because they assume the horse was like, a serious attempt and not me going "ok I've never used these tools before, I'm going in with no plan and just fucking up half sqft of glass while i learn how the cutter and pliers work" and then assembling the resulting shards into something vaguely resembling a horse to get the rest of the process down in my pre research fuck around and find out phase of learning a new skill.
Also the soldering looks like shit because the articles i found in the 20 minutes i was buying the stuff to start all said "flux makes the soldering better" in really vague terms without actually like, explaining that it lowers the flow point of the solder and makes the copper foil more receptive to it. so i assumed it wasn't necessary and was just used for vague betterness reasons and didn't buy any until a few days later when I started properly researching how to do things and found out it's actual job and that it's absolutely vital to the process.
So the solder isn't actually fully bound to the tape on the horse and is just like, melted overtop it following the lines of the tape. there's a distinct oval shape where the sides of the bead are up and off the tape instead of the domed shape it's actually supposed to be.
I also hadn't bought a grinder at that point bc I'm cheap and wanted to find one lightly used on ebay and also i wanted to wait for my pay check so I'd have a Little extra wiggle room with the whole shebang before i dropped 70 bucks on a tool i might not enjoy using too much.
which is to say, the whale is the first actual attempt and not the horse.
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demoniccrowz · 2 months
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CHAT I JUST WON AT SWIM SHARKS AND MINNOWS TWICE I AM LOSING MY MIND
@blue-the-gay-king
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wander-wren · 2 months
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me: i don’t wanna be a cog in the capitalist machine!! my job doesn’t care about me and i literally don’t get paid enough to care about it!!
the part of me relentlessly scrutinized for being the family fuckup: but,,,,when i do good job customers like me,,,,when i do extra managers think i’m the best,,,,
#bird noises#work sucks in a lot of ways#it’s just food service nothing special and it will destroy my body eventually#but also it is genuinely better for my mental health to just. get positive feedback and interact with people in a nice way#i havent really had any terrible customers yet. the occasional grumpy or kinda rude one but nothing i cant shake off in a second#that probably helps#its funny bc my parents notice the difference and its like GEE I WONDER HOW ELSE THIS COULD HAVE OCCURRED#PERHAPS IF THE HUMANS I LIVE WITH WERE ALSO NICE TO ME#but alas……#anyway thinking about this bc i accidentally volunteered myself to do two people’s closing tasks and that sucked#but my manager said im amazing soooooooooo maybe it was worth it#i’m gonna fight whoever’s in charge of their advertising tho for saying they have a ‘competitive wage’#which is $3-4 less than the nearby ‘good’ places money-wise AND ALSO. exactly the same or less than what people were making at this location#THREE YEARS AGO#which i know because i worked here. making $2.50 less. but i talked to the new hires and found out they made a good chunk more#we do get tips which is like an extra $1-1.50 so thats nice but its not competitive my friend#its barely acceptable#theyre lucky no one else would hire me#also pisses me off bc their main website advertises their starting wages as ACTUALLY competitive but c’est la vie#i’m in a weird situation where i need to Be Employed more than i need money per se so i’m fine with it for now#wren stop talking about panera challenge
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carcarrot · 3 months
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anyway a different sneaky plan worked out in that i was able to find old listing photos of my dream house and ough..... i need her .....
#she was last sold in 2018 but maybe by the time ive made my millions (through directing or winning the lottery or some other scheme)#she'll be for sale again. we can dream#realizing 2018 was six years ago and not like. 2. thats scary#but anyway i like this house a lot. good kitchen. could be bigger but its workable#built in bookshelves in the huge living room. thats for dvds babey#no pictures of the 2 bedrooms n bathrooms . come on man i need to know what storage space we're working with#very nice little outside pool area thats surrounded by bushes n plants. i like that.#one day ill learn how to swim so my pool will not be redundant#its nice. id love to see a floor plan but alas#this is a different house from that house in palm springs that was furnished to the max with gaudy 70s furniture and decor#that one is really fun. but its also way the hell out in palm springs#this house however is in the hollywood hills. ish . but the great thing about is that its down this private drive#and you cant even see it on google images. very secret i like that . im hidden away from the world#another thing going for this house is a silly little superstition ive inherited from my dad#multiple times in his life hes lived at places where the numbers in the address have added up to his lucky number (day of birth)#where we live now adds up to 13 which explains a lot#but this house the numbers add up to my lucky number. yay#anyway this is all very hypothetical but i have nothing else to do with my time (<- guy that could be doing far more productive things)
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