#I know how you don’t like normal things | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

freyito · 1 day ago

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ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜɪᴍᴇʀᴀ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍ...

✭ pairing(s): aventurine, dr ratio, boothill, gallagher, sunday, argenti, mr. reca, sampo, jing yuan, blade, luocha, jiaoqiu, moze, mydei, phainon, anaxa (seperate) x reader

✩ in which: you bring home a chimera that looks like them.

✧ a/n: SOMEHOW IT FEELS LIKE ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE POSTED A FIC??? IDK IF THIS IS NORMALLY HOW LONG IT TAKES ME BUT AUGHHH!!!!!!! i got a job again and many more things happening irl but i am FINALLY! FINALLY!!! starting to get back into the groove of writing and drawing and even gaming teehee... sometimes all you need is a change to get out of a slump i guess.

you may also notice that a few characters are missing from this post! thats cause whenever i do one of these big ol posts, a couple of characters really tend to make it feel like it drags on for me. that leads to me really dreading writing the fic and, of course, leads to me taking a month on the fic lol. this will be one of the last posts i do with all the male characters (and female, if i ever decide to write for them in the future), before i move onto writing five characters at most. im sorry if you guys liked these posts and your favorite characters werent written for, i know these are like. my most popular pieces. it just takes so long and by the time i reach certain characters i feel like im all outta juice.

✦ taglist: @fffrost, @shinysora

🗒 cw: gn reader, just fluff, not proofread

✎ wc: 4.3k

⎯ Aventurine

“Well… I suppose we’ll see how this goes…”

AVENTURINE isn’t exactly against the idea of a chimera, but with all his catcakes, is it a good idea…? Both of you don’t know, and you feel a little embarrassed to admit that you didn’t think of this before bringing home the chimera. He’s not mad though, he’s quite taken by the little creature. But, with his penchant to collect catcakes, he worries about possible socialization issues.

The chimera, however, fits right in– aside from its striking eyes. Loafing and lounging with the catcakes, day in, day out. With a big ol’ smile on its cute face, happy to be with its kin… You think. Chimeras have the body of lion cubs, right? So aren’t they like… kind of related to catcakes? It’s a question you’d rather not ponder. Still, even so far from home, the chimera seems quite content. Paired with a bunch of companions who are all spoiled equally.

That being said, it seems you have chosen one of the laziest chimeras known to man. Ever since you had brought it home, it had kept Aventurine in bed even later, refusing to get up from his chest, even if the man had a meeting. It seems Aventurine has spoiled it far too much, or it has gotten so used to the comfortable life that it’s gotten quite stubborn…

⎯ Dr. Ratio

“Interesting….”

Most would not take RATIO as any type of pet person. No cats, certainly no dogs, no birds… the list goes on. Even his colleagues would not have guessed he’d take such a shine to such a… cute creature. As far as they know, cute is not a word within Ratio’s vocabulary. So, when his peers and students see a chimera toddling behind him, they can’t help but be interested.

He acts like he isn’t attached to the chimera, treating it more like a specimen than the cute little lion-butterfly-thing it is. When you first brought it to him, he was quite intrigued. A creature from a planet that not even the memokeepers can reach… It's a wonderful research opportunity, and a gift. One he cherishes, despite his logical approach to it.

It seems he has bonded with the chimera on a deeper level than you expected. It just so happens that you have picked up a chimera that not only looks like Veritas, but also one that was just as enlightened as he was. You think. You don’t understand a lick of the chimera’s little chirps, but Ratio seems to understand well enough. Then again, the math that he prattles on about with the chimera, you don’t understand either.

⎯ Boothill

“Awh, who’s this little feller?”

BOOTHILL is actually quite delighted when you bring a chimera home to him, even if your reasoning is a little… odd. Looks like him? Well, there’s only one of him and that means there’s only one look-alike; the man in the mirror. Still, despite this, he’s practically in love with the chimera. It’s been so long since he’s even had a pet– and he’s always missed the dogs and cats on the ranch– so why not indulge in your silly little shenanigans, and appreciate this little critter you’ve taken the time to pick out for him?

The two get along so well. Boothill had always wanted a pet eventually, but with his lifestyle he was afraid to ever adopt. Considering he was running around half the galaxy, he was wanted, and the closest thing to home he knew now was a ship, it was just unfair to subject any sort of animal to that life. Now that he had you and a proper home, however, he had been debating getting a pet for a long, long while.

So imagine his surprise when you had handed off a chimera to him the minute he got home after a particularly rough bounty. Even the most snarkiest, annoying personality would have him charmed. It could constantly choose you over him, and he’d still fawn over the thing. He’s happy you have someone to keep you company when he’s away, but the little kid in him (who remained, despite the fact that everything around him had burned to ash) is much more happy to come home to a pet once more.

⎯ Gallagher

“Another stray, hm?”

Despite the chimera’s protests that it is not a stray, GALLAGHER doesn’t seem to mind a new pet. He’ll just pretend he didn’t hear that comment about the chimera looking like him. You had compared him to a dog so many times before, that he was practically immune. Even if a chimera wasn't a dog, or a cat, or… well, there was no use in wondering what exactly it was. Though, he was quite intrigued that you had brought home something from Amphoreus of all places, it seems that the nameless just keep going for bigger and bigger marks.

The chimera itself is quite happy to get away from its work and laze about. On the days that Gallagher is home, it enjoys curling up on his lap (or his chest, if Gallagher is napping), and bathing in his and your attention. It’s quite domestic really, you have seen Gallagher with his other pets before, but he’s more of a big dog kind of guy. To see something relatively small curled up with him, when he’s watching TV or getting ready for bed, it makes you feel… light.

He’s also quite happy to have a pet that can actually talk back. Gallagher often catches himself muttering to himself because of how much he tends to talk to his pets. So when he gets responses from the chimera, even if it’s asking to go back to bed or telling him that this work is just ‘too much’ (all Gallagher was doing was pouring himself a drink, the chimera simply chose to follow him), it was still wonderful for him to have a buddy. It’s not everyday that you have a pet that can talk back to you, right?

⎯ Sunday

“Ah… you thought of me…?”

Now, SUNDAY isn’t against pets, he’s just a little nervous. The last pet he had… Well, you know what happened to it. But, by all means a chimera is an extraterrestrial. So, naturally, he’s a little shocked. Even if the little chimera is as cute as a button and just so damn happy to be in his lap. While he knew stepping aboard the Astral Express would mean he would see quite a lot– which included different planets, and by proxy, different flora, fauna, people, and what not– he never really expected to be face to face with such a… thing.

Looking into its wide, golden eyes, however, he feels a sense of… kinship. As weird as it is. He does his best to ignore it, not to get too overly attached to the chimera. After all, surely you must bring it back to Amphoreus. Right? He does his best to ignore the papers in your hands, and chooses instead to believe that this ‘adoption’ is more of a ‘foster’ situation.

That worry dissipates with the coming days. He finds himself quite enamored with the chimera, even sneaking it leftovers when he can. He doesn’t mean to, but he ends up reading the creature passages from his books, or from some data entries he borrowed from the archive. In fact, the idea that you would have to bring the chimera back breaks his heart a little. Not that you would, it’s quite cute to watch the chimera follow Sunday around.

⎯ Argenti

“What a stunning creature!”

Isn’t the word ‘cute’ better instead? Nevertheless, ARGENTI is quite enraptured by the chimera. So much so that he doesn’t seem to realize the similarity of the creature. Really, when you saw the sparkle in its eyes, you knew this was perfect for him. The similarity was uncanny, really. With the way the chimera was staring into your very soul, chattering off (which, you could already imagine it was praising the beauty of you), a part of you wanted to get it contacts.

Needless to say, The chimera is glued to Argenti. Or perhaps it's the other way around? The man doesn’t have any traveling companions, and he had preferred for you to stay on his ship whenever he was out on one of his excursions. The chimera, however, seemed to be quite the trusty companion. That little ‘awoo’ must be vicious, given how highly the man spoke of it. ‘It’s like a cry from the very heavens!’

It seems your gift is quite well loved, though. Not that Argenti would ever dislike your gifts. You could give him a rock– one that isn’t even shiny or shaped in an interesting way– and he’d treat it like you’d have proposed to him. The chimera, however, seems to have struck a rather special chord within him. It is hard to know if you’ve truly surprised him, but you can definitely see how attached he is to the chimera. It has been too long since someone gave him something so meaningful. Perhaps even the first time.

⎯ Mr. Reca

“Ah, is this a new crew member…? Or perhaps, a new star?”

Is there a universe where MR. RECA isn’t looking for some scene to capture? ‘Cause it’s definitely not this one. No one has ever had the ability to capture something, anything from Amphoreus, so of course he’s fascinated with the chimera. He glosses over the fact that the critter looks like him. Not enough time to think about that, when this is a star in the making. What shall he come up with this time?

He unknowingly dotes on that poor little Chimera, as well… in his own way. There’s no critiques for the creature's performance (though, you must think that it doesn’t understand exactly what Reca’s goal is.), only dazzling praise, even for something as simple as curling up and taking a nap. Such a tiny little thing, full of all sorts of inspiration! It deserves nothing more than the best of praise!

For at least a month straight, he simply cannot stop thinking of ideas and ways to make the chimera a star. A documentary, perhaps. No, no, that’s too simple. A thriller, maybe? Now, that would be interesting. How could he use such a cute creature for such a medium…? Ah, so many things to work out! This excitement keeps him fueled for days. Oftentimes, he’s writing out scenes at his desk, pacing, or even talking your ear off. All while the chimera is curled up in his lap, content as can be.

⎯Sampo Koski

“And what’s this? A new business venture?”

Of course SAMPO looks at the chimera and sees a business opportunity. Not that he’s planning to sell it, no… this little fella could be the new face of his business. Cold Feet Junior, even. Needless to say, he loves the chimera. Who wouldn’t? Such a precious little treasure from way out there, somewhere not even the great Sampo Koski can get to.

Aside from the chimera now being the face of his business, he brings the thing everywhere like it’s a little chihuahua. It gets pampered to high heaven, with little treats even you have never heard about before. From all sorts of places, from Izumo to Punklorde. You start to wonder if these treats are even good for the chimera, considering just how different these foods must be from the ones back home. The chimera seems fine enough, however.

When he can’t bring the chimera with him, however, he’s the most pathetic man you know. He’ll fake cry, use a voice that is just so tear-jerking, and say a sorrowful goodbye to the chimera. He texts you everyday when he is out, begging for pictures, asking if it's okay, asking if it's eaten… and so on. You, of course, do your best to shower him with pictures of the chimera, assuring him that it’s never been better. To which, he always responds with some sort of keyboard smash (rare for him), and praises going your way, and the chimeras way.

⎯ Jing Yuan

“Hmm…”

JING YUAN could never turn down a gift from you, of course. Especially one so cute. If you hadn’t caught him at such an inopportune time (also known as nap time), perhaps his reaction would be more grand. Or the same, he’s never been one for big expressions. A simple ‘thank you’, a kiss, and something in return has always been his style. However, this seems like a lot more than just a simple gift. A creature from Amphoreus… and a potential playmate for Mimi.

‘Potentially’ becomes a ‘definitely’ after some socializing. Instead of the chimera attaching itself to Jing Yuan, it’s very, very fond of Mimi. The grimalkin is quite well tempered, if not tolerant. The way the Chimera climbs onto him, like he is a mighty steed and not a proud lion… it’s charming in its own way. And yet, all Mimi does is maybe huff a little, and be on his merry way. Most of the time, he’d do the exact opposite the chimera wanted, by the sound of its annoyed chirps. Perhaps this was his way of playing with such a smaller creature…?

The chimera ultimately finds its spot on the bed. When you and Jing Yuan cuddled up, Mimi took his spot at the end of the bed. The chimera, unsure whether to stick themself at the end of the bed, in between you and Jing Yuan, or just sleep on the floor. Before it decides to exclude itself, Mimi makes the decision for it. With another huff (perhaps irritated that he had to leave his warm spot), he hops down from the bed, grabs the chimera by its scruff (not without it complaining, of course), and hops right back up. When you wake up in the morning, you find the chimera, stuck between Mimi’s paws, with the most content, familiar, smile on its face, while Mimi licks up its cheek repeatedly.

⎯ Blade

“...”

How many more times will this happen? First a cat cake, now a chimera. What’s next? A seal? BLADE really doesn’t know how to react. To be thought of is wonderful, but does it really always have to be in this kind of way? How many more creatures out there look like him? He can only hope you don’t find them for your ‘Blade collection’. Those poor, poor souls…

Regardless of his… pondering, the gift doesn’t go unappreciated. The chimera and Blade are like two halves of a whole, really. While Blade is sulking, so is the chimera… right next to him. When you adopted it, you swore it was just full of energy. Chirping and chattering to anyone who would listen, chimera, human, chrysos heir, no one was free from its chattering. In truth, you thought it was silly that something that held such a resemblance to such a broody man had such whimsy.

So, to see the little critter suddenly adapt Blade’s sulking and… edge, it’s a little surprising. Or not, if you understood how this tale has gone before. It’s actually kind of cute in its own odd way. When you point out the similarities in personality, all Blade feels he can do is grumble and huff. He should be used to your penchant for finding things that look and act like him by now, but somehow you always manage to surprise him.

⎯ Luocha

“What an… intriguing gift…”

LUOCHA is never one to turn down your gifts, and he certainly won’t start now. But, despite the worlds he has traveled to and all he’s seen, somehow he’s never seen quite a creature. Perhaps it is the resemblance that throws him off. He doesn’t want to turn down your gift, but where he travels to may not be the safest place for the little Chimera. Very rarely does he stay home long enough to take care of any pet, either. He rationalizes that while it is a little amusing, this must be for you.

And of course he isn’t going to take that kind of companionship from you. It’s actually kind of endearing to him that you went through all this trouble to find a cute little look-alike. He’s more entertained by the way you dote on it, by the way you call it ‘Luo-Luo’ (even though the Chimera seems over it), and he wonders to himself if you truly got this chimera for him, or to have something to coddle while he was away. Not that you coddled him, normally. He isn’t a man to be doted on like that, and you are just too shy to do that to him.

He indulges in the adoption of the chimera, of course. Even when he’s out for months on end, he makes sure to call and check up on the Chimera (and you, but he does that normally). He shouldn’t be so surprised to see all the little outfits you’ve stuck the critter in, from cats (which makes no sense, considering the body of a chimera was a lion), to wolves. He wonders how many people you have commissioned for these little outfits…

⎯ Jiaoqiu

“And this charming little companion is…?”

JIAOQIU truly thought that the Tuskipir would be his only pet. He didn’t really need a service animal outside of the emotional support, considering he had a cane, and he knew the Yaoqing like the back of his hand. You, however, decide that if one critter does well, why won’t two do better? Plus, while the Tuskipir was used for more emotional wellbeing, Chimeras were experienced with work, and when you think about it, they’d make quite the service animals.

What a shame that he can’t see the resemblance clearly. Still, he is quite touched by the thoughtfulness behind your gift. The chimera warms up to him all too easily, immediately taking its place by his side. Jiaoqiu doesn’t verbally admit it, but being thought of in such a way, especially after a trip that took you across the cosmos warms his heart. Even if he is pretty much completely recovered, it was quite nice to be cared for. Even as a healer.

In truth, as endearing as your gift was, he had expected the chimera to get in his way, under his legs, and become annoying in all sorts of ways. Given how happily it yipped and barked when you first arrived with it, he truly assumed it would be an annoyance. He’s pleasantly surprised that once the chimera has acclimated and settled, it becomes a wonderful companion. Chimera’s stomachs are so strong, you think, watching as Jiaoqiu feeds the critter a particular slice of beef that almost looks red, with the amount of spice he has put in the hotpot broth.

⎯ Moze

“I… Hm.”

It is rare for MOZE to talk without thinking. It is even rarer to interrupt his thoughts all together. You should be impressed with yourself. When met with the gloomy demeanor of the Chimera, Moze can only squint, open his mouth to form words, and ultimately lose them. What is he supposed to say? He’s never had a pet before, the strays in the alleyways who liked his scent were the closest thing to having one. All he really can do is hold the Chimera and stare into those oddly familiar eyes.

There is a quiet camaraderie between the two, once the confusion settles from Moze’s mind. When Moze is home (considering his work is too dangerous for any sort of pet), the two have a tacit, quiet understanding that you can’t quite… get. The Chimera follows Moze around, at a distance, and studies him closely, as if trying to commit his movements to memory. You swear, at some point, you heard Moze say ‘this is how you sweep’. When you walked in the room to check, the two were quiet as can be, while Moze was sweeping the kitchen floor, the Chimera perched on the counter.

When Moze is out, the Chimera sits by the door, or in the living room, or sometimes sleeps in his spot on the bed while waiting for him. It’s almost kind of heartbreaking when you think about it, knowing Moze is gone for most of the week. At the very least, it seems the Chimera is much, much more receptive to cuddles than your dear lover is. As much as it seems to miss its twin, it can’t resist curling up in your arms and taking a nap. It seems that the Chimera catches up on sleep in Moze’s place.

⎯ Mydeimos

“Hmph.”

MYDEI refuses to acknowledge the similarity. He pouts, sighs, and does his best to walk off and ignore the furry little companion you had brought home. The chimera trots after Mydei regardless, happy as can be, even if the man was ignoring it. You had to commend him, really. If you had something that cute following you around, you would fold immediately. But Mydei was stronger than you (and much, much more stubborn).

When Mydeimos wasn’t home, the chimera took up all his spots, short of the one in the kitchen. It’d sit in his chair at the table, enjoy the warmth of the private bath, and even take his spot on the bed. Which, Mydei truly doesn’t appreciate. Some days he is out from dawn till dusk, but he has always made it a point to come back home just before you fall asleep, so the two of you could sleep together. So to find you curled up with this little rascal, who was oh so happy to take his place, he doesn’t know what to feel.

He’s not jealous. No, no, he swears he isn’t. Why would he be jealous of a chimera? How silly. Despite that, you notice how he’s suddenly in much more of a rush to see you on the days that he is gone. He tries to beat the chimera to the bed, establishes his dominance in the kitchen (as if anyone could beat him), and makes it known– well.. you don’t know what he’s trying to prove to a chimera of all things. But it’s quite funny watching him try to one-up the creature, who was simply acting oblivious. Everytime you pet the chimera or praise it, you can always hear Mydei sigh. It’s not that he was neglecting the chimera in any way, not, he just had to one-up it. Almost every time he could.

⎯ Phainon

“Aha… Do I really look like this thing…?”

You are the third person to tell PHAINON a certain chimera looks like him. It worries him a little. Does he, a truly fearsome warrior that totally doesn’t have the air of a puppy, look like such a cute little creature? Looking into the chimera’s eyes, which are practically shining, he can’t help but concede… only for you, though.

The very first thing this chimera does is challenge Phainon himself. To his surprise (and dismay), the chimera starts to take all his favorite spots. Right by your legs, on your chest when you're sleeping, or when you're just laying down, and even in the baths. You find it cute, but Phainon… he’s not one to turn down a challenge, even if it’s initiated by a chimera. He takes every chance he can get to sweep you up off your feet and carry you off somewhere the chimera can only watch, like the hot baths.

While you find this kind of charming, if not funny, you can't help but feel bad for the chimera. When you show even the smallest amount of pity for it, however, Phainon decides its time to switch tactics. Instead of taking everything the Chimera did as a challenge, now it was a battle of charm. Anytime the Chimera begs for food (within his proximity), he rests his chin on your shoulder and tries to snatch the food from you. If the Chimera is sleeping on your lap, he makes an effort to also try and lay his head in your lap, and always, always, looks up at you with those pretty blues. You have to admit it's cute, but kind of pathetic. Not that you would ever want him to change.

⎯ Anaxagoras

“Hmph. But it is no Dromas.”

You, of course, know about ANAXA’s love for Dromases more than anything. You were one of the few who were graced by him and his magnificent onesie’s presence, after all. But, still, when you saw the little chimera, with its muted green coat and its missing eye, you couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Perhaps he is truly amused at the fact that you have found his doppelganger? Or maybe he’s finally figured out where one of his eyepatches has finally gone… either way, his tone is hard to read.

It is not long until you notice how he dotes on the chimera… in his own way, at least. He doesn’t outright ignore the critter when it toddles behind him, and on more than one occasion you have caught him talking to it, prattling on about his theories while he cleans his gun. Despite acting annoyed that you had taken one of his eyepatches for a ‘silly little costume’, he does not attempt to remove it. Not once. You take this as a victory, of course.

The real kicker is when you caught him sewing a Dromas onesie for the Chimera. His hands aren’t the steadiest, but he sits so quietly (for once), all while the Chimera lays curled up right next to his legs. You don’t mean to stare for too long, but he ends up catching you. Instead of acting shy (Which, he never did), and brushing you off, he only huffs softly, and shakes his head, before going back to his sewing. You read this as an invitation to properly watch, and when you step into the room, he doesn’t complain.

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inseobts · 3 days ago

Text

Stone Cold Feelings

zoro x fem!reader

boa hancock’s love-love beam turns everyone to stone, except you and zoro (and luffy). and so boa makes her mission to understand why zoro didn't turn to stone and shamelessly flirts with him (or at least she pretends to)…

a/n: as I said in the middle of the fanfic I don't really know if that's how boa's powers work, but let's pretend it is.

words count: 2.7k

tags: fluff, boa hancock spoilers, jealousy, humor, fluff, love confession

masterlist || ao3 || ko-fi

The Thousand Sunny stops near a small island, and Luffy jumps off like he owns the place. You and the rest of the crew follow behind, walking into the jungle. It doesn’t take long before she shows up.

Boa Hancock.

Tall, beautiful, dramatic, she appears like some goddess with her sisters and Kuja warriors behind her.

Luffy grins “Boa! You’re here!”

She gasps, spins, and poses “Luffy!” Her voice is full of love and sparkles. She turns to the rest of you “As for the rest… Mero Mero Mellow!”

A pink heart flies from her hand. It bursts in the air. Everyone freezes.

Sanji turns into stone right away, heart eyes still frozen on his face.

Brook’s skull goes stiff. Even Franky and Usopp are statues now.

You blink.

Zoro groans, rubbing his head.

Luffy just laughs like it’s a party “She always does that.”

You look around.

Only you, Zoro, and Luffy are still human.

“Huh…” you mutter “Why am I not a statue?”

Zoro glances at you. His cheeks turn pink for half a second before he looks away.

You don’t notice. You’re busy poking Robin’s stone face “They’ll be fine, right?”

Boa stares “What is this…?” She steps closer, eyes wide “Another one… unaffected? Two?”

She’s pointing at Zoro now. Her eyes sparkle “How… unusual.”

Luffy munches on a piece of meat “That’s Zoro. He’s kinda weird.”

Zoro shrugs “Guess it just didn’t work on me.”

You wave your hand “Me neither?”

Boa ignores you completely “So strong… so cold… so handsome!” she walks up to Zoro and leans in “Why didn’t my beam work on you?”

Zoro frowns “I don’t know. I just… didn’t care?”

You laugh “He’s too dumb to fall for it.”

Zoro glares “Hey. Then you're also dumb?”

Boa twirls a lock of hair, looking dramatic “He resists me… even though I am beautiful…” She gasps “Is this what true love is?!”

You stare “Wait, what?”

She waves her hand “Never mind. That was just a greeting.” She casually un-stones everyone like nothing happened “Let’s all… eat!”

Boa starts following Zoro around for the rest of the day. She sends hearts, pouts, winks, and flirty lines. Zoro dodges every time, annoyed.

An hour later, you're all sitting around a huge meal. Boa's palace chefs brought out a feast. Luffy’s halfway into his sixth plate. Everyone else eats and chats like normal.

Everyone except Boa.

Boa sits right next to Zoro. Too close.

She laughs too loudly at things he doesn’t say. She leans forward, pressing her arm against his.

Zoro keeps moving slightly away.

You try to focus on your food, but your chopsticks keep missing your mouth.

“Zoro,” Boa says sweetly “You are… very quiet. Strong. Mysterious.”

Zoro grunts “Trying to eat.”

She giggles “Do you always ignore beautiful women?”

You stab your food harder than needed.

She didn’t even try with you. You didn’t turn to stone either. You didn’t even blink at her dumb pose. But she’s all over him.

It’s annoying. Really annoying.

You clear your throat “So… uh, Boa? You know I didn’t turn into a statue either.”

She blinks, not looking at you “And?”

You raise an eyebrow “So why aren’t you trying so hard with me?”

The table gets quiet for a beat.

Boa lifts her chin, dramatic again “Because you’re not him.”

You scoff “Rude.”

Usopp tilts his head “Wait, are you mad at it?”

You freeze “What? No! I just...”

Zoro’s watching you now. He doesn’t say anything, but his eye is on you.

You look away fast.

Boa leans in closer to Zoro again “Just look at me once. Really look. My powers work best like that.”

Zoro shifts uncomfortably “No thanks. I'm eating.”

She sighs, dreamily “Why do you resist me? I’m the most beautiful woman in the world…”

She bats her lashes “Why don’t you turn into a statue for me? Look at me.”

Zoro finally drops his chopsticks and sigh reeeeeally deeply “Because I like her.”

The table stops moving.

Luffy chokes on meat.

Sanji drops his fork.

Nami spits her drink.

You freeze.

Zoro points at you “I like her.”

You stare at him “You… what?”

Boa is stunned “WHAT?!”

Zoro just shrugs, like he didn’t just break the table’s collective brain “Yeah. That’s why.”

You open your mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out.

Everyone's frozen.

Not from a beam this time. Just from shock.

Zoro sits back down and picks up his food again like he didn’t just say that in front of everyone.

You’re still blinking like your brain hasn’t processed it yet.

Boa Hancock recovers first. She stands dramatically, arms crossed, hair somehow blowing even though there’s no wind.

“Hmph,” she says, voice full of pride “Who cares? Even married people have turned to stone for me.”

The crew collectively “Huh?!”

Boa flips her hair “I attract everyone—no matter age, gender, or sexuality. That’s the power of my beauty.”

She gives you a side-eye “Only my Luffy has resisted me… until now.”

She’s not angry. Not even sad. More like… surprised. Curious. Mildly impressed.

But mostly, she’s just trying to make Luffy jealous with all this.

Luffy, of course, is too busy battling a giant piece of meat “Zoro likes Y/N? Cool.”

Boa’s eye twitches “Luffy, are you even listening?”

He grins, sauce on his face “Yeah. Love stuff’s fun.”

You cover your face with both hands “Can we not do this right now?”

“Too late!” Nami says with a wicked grin.

Usopp’s already leaned in “So wait, you didn’t turn to stone either!” He points at you dramatically “Why not?”

“I don’t know!” you shout “Guess I’m just… not into her like that!”

“Are you into Zoro like that?” Brook asks way too cheerfully.

Sanji bangs his head on the table “Of course not! Zoro doesn’t deserve her!”

“Shut up, curly-brow.”

You blink “CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON—”

“Wait wait wait,” Chopper jumps up, eyes sparkling “This could be science! You both resisted her beam. That’s rare!”

Franky’s nodding “It’s super rare. Boa’s beam doesn’t care who you are. If you feel even the tiniest thing, boom—stone.”

Nami hums “So if you didn’t freeze… does that mean you didn’t feel anything? Like anything at all?”

She’s looking at you now.

Everyone is.

Your face heats up “I… don’t know! I mean she’s pretty and all but like—not in a heart-throbbing way?!”

You glance at Zoro.

He looks away at the trees like they’re fascinating.

Boa rolls her eyes “I’m not hurt, if that’s what you’re wondering. I never even cared about you two...”

She turns away, arms folded “I’ll find another way to make Luffy jealous…”

Luffy looks at her, food in his mouth “Jealous of what?”

Boa now twirls toward him “Don't worry! Here, you can have my meal too.”

The crew is still whispering.

About you. About Zoro. About the “I like her” thing.

You whisper to Zoro, “Can we disappear into the forest and never come back?”

Zoro mutters, “Only if you lead the way.”

He’s trying to act cool. But you see the tips of his ears are red. And yeah… yours probably are too.

You haven’t looked Zoro in the eye since lunch.

You also haven’t looked at anyone in the eyes since lunch.

Because apparently, "I like her" is enough to set the entire crew on a mission.

A mission to ruin your life.

Robin is smiling in that quiet, knowing way that makes you nervous.

Nami keeps giving you looks.

Usopp has created five theories about "how long Zoro's been in love".

Sanji hasn't stopped sulking.

Chopper made you tea and whispered, “It’s okay, feelings are confusing.”

Brook’s already writing a song.

Luffy? His dumb ass just asked if you and Zoro are married now.

...Twice...

You and Zoro are sitting on opposite sides of the campfire.

Not awkward at all.

Totally normal.

Great.

“So,” Nami says, too casually, “you like her, huh?”

Zoro grunts “Didn’t I already say that?”

“Yeah, but why?”

Zoro pauses “Why not?”

You want to throw yourself into the fire.

Nami’s eyes slide to you “What about you, Y/N? Got anything to say?”

You fidget with your cup “Nope. Not a thing. Totally normal day. Nice weather.”

“Don’t avoid the question” Robin adds with a gentle smile.

You fake a cough “I mean… people say things in the heat of the moment, right?”

Zoro finally speaks “It wasn’t heat of the moment.”

You turn your head so fast you almost pull a muscle “What?”

He shrugs “I just had the answer to her questions.”

Silence.

Even the fire seems quieter now.

Zoro looks at you, serious “I like you. I’m not good at saying it. I just do.”

Your heart does something. Not the stone beam thing. Worse. It flips, spins, and slams into your ribs like a cannonball. And suddenly, you’re mad again. Not at him. At… yourself. At everything.

“So why didn’t you say anything before?”

He blinks “I don't know.”

You stare at your tea.

Another silence.

The crew senses the moment and tries to fake being quiet, but the whole vibe is “pretending not to listen while obviously listening”.

Zoro doesn’t push. He just leans back on one elbow, looking up at the sky.

“You don’t have to say anything about it.” he says, voice low.

You think about it all night.

You roll over in your bedroll, eyes wide open.

Ugh. Feelings.

It’s been two days.

Two. Whole. Days.

And they still won’t shut up.

You can’t eat in peace.

You can’t walk in peace.

You can’t even breathe without someone sliding up next to you.

“Hey, Y/N,” Usopp whispers, dramatic as ever “Tell me the truth. You weren’t turned to stone because…?”

Brook leans over “Is it because you’re secretly blind?”

Sanji dramatically clutches his chest “Or is it because your heart only has room for true love… but that can't be Zoro?”

Chopper hops on your shoulder “Was it science? Wait—feelings science?”

Even Franky joins in “Come on, it’d be super romantic!”

You nearly trip over your own feet “Can’t I have one quiet minute?”

Nami strolls up “Nope. Not until you say it.”

Robin smiles like she knows everything. Probably does “We’re only curious, Y/N.”

“Obsessed” you mutter.

“Potato, potahto” Nami shrugs.

Zoro walks beside you, calm like always, but you know he hears every word.

He doesn’t say anything. He hasn’t asked once. That’s what makes it worse. He gave you time. He backed off.

But the crew?

The crew is relentless.

You reach your limit during breakfast on the third day.

You’ve had enough teasing. Enough nudging.

Sanji makes heart-shaped pancakes and slides you one with “S + (your initial)” syrup-drawn on top telling you "Because that's can't be a Z".

Chopper actually made you a quiz.

Luffy just goes, “You're married, just say it.” for like the 148th time.

You snap.

“FINE!”

The whole table goes dead quiet.

You slam your cup down “I wasn’t turned into stone because I wasn’t looking at Boa in the first place!” (a/n: I honestly don't know if that's how it works but let's pretend it is)

Everyone “HUH?!”

Your face is red now. Your hands are shaking a little.

“I was looking at Zoro when she did the beam, okay?! I wasn’t thinking about her! I didn’t even notice her stupid pose or whatever! I— I like him! That’s why it didn’t work!”

Absolute silence.

Then they explode.

“CALLED IT!” Usopp screams.

Nami slaps the table “I knew it!”

Brook throws his hands up “Aaah young love!”

Chopper’s eyes are sparkles “You were looking at him the whole time?”

Franky dabs away a tear “That’s super love.”

You want to dig a hole and live there now. Forever.

Zoro, who’s been totally silent, finally speaks.

“…Seriously?”

You glare at your plate “Yes, seriously.”

“…You were looking at me?”

You nod, not trusting your voice.

There’s a pause.

Then his voice, quieter “I'm happy.”

Your head shoots up.

His eyes meet yours.

No teasing. No smirk. Just Zoro, being honest.

The crew screams.

Luffy claps like he’s watching a fireworks show.

Sanji is on the ground “Why himmmm—”

Nami’s already passing out mugs “Cheers to mutual pining resolved!”

Zoro walks over, calm as ever. He leans next to your seat, looking at you like you’re not surrounded by chaos.

“I guess we’re even now” he says, voice low.

You stare at him.

Something bubbles in your chest.

Not nerves. Not panic. You don't know what.

You stand up.

He blinks “What—?”

You take his hand.

Rough, warm, still holding a rice ball.

You don’t even think.

You just tug.

Zoro lets you.

No questions. No resistance. He just follows, letting you pull him past the fire, past the table, past a stunned and now absolutely feral crew.

“WOOOO—”

“GOOOO Y/N—”

“SWORD DATE! SWORD DATE!”

You keep walking. Out of sight, into the quiet.

Then you stop.

Let go of his hand.

Turn around. And now your brain catches up.

Oh. Oh no.

You really just did that.

You stare at him. He stares at you.

Zoro tilts his head “So… uh.”

You cut in, panicking “I didn’t plan this.”

He blinks “No?”

“No!”

You throw your hands up “I just got overwhelmed! And I didn’t wanna talk about feelings in front of Luffy and Sanji and Nami and Usopp and Brook and—”

Zoro nods slowly “Got it.”

“And now I brought you out here and I have no idea what to say.”

He’s quiet for a second. Then “You already said it back there.”

You freeze.

Zoro steps closer. Not too close. Just enough.

“You like me.”

You glance up at him “...Yeah.”

“And I like you.”

You nod, swallowing “Yeah.”

Silence again.

A breeze rustles the leaves.

Zoro exhales “Okay. So… now what?”

You blink “I thought you’d know.”

He scratches the back of his neck “I’m great at fighting. Not so great at this.”

You laugh before you can stop yourself. It breaks the tension, just a little.

“I guess we figure it out” you say softly.

He looks at you “Together?”

You smile “Yeah. Together.”

Zoro steps forward, hand brushing yours, not grabbing, just offering.

You take it.

This time, slower.

The next morning, you stretch your arms and walk out to the clearing.

Zoro’s already there. Training, of course.

Sweat glistens on his forehead. His bandana is around his arm today, not on his head. He’s focused, steady. Every swing has weight. Control. Grace.

You watch for a second too long.

Then he notices you “You wanna join?”

You blink “Join… what? Your intense ‘sword vs gravity’ fight?”

He smirks “Sparring. Not that fancy.”

You step forward “Fine. But if I fall flat on my face, that’s your fault.”

“Deal.”

You grab a wooden practice sword and face him.

He waits for you to make the first move. You swing. He blocks.

It starts slow. Testing pace. Testing rhythm.

Then faster.

Back and forth.

The thud of wood against wood, your feet shifting on the dirt, breath picking up.

He dodges a swing and smirks “You’re not bad.”

“Don’t go easy on me” you shoot back.

He spins, blocks you again “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

At some point, you’re laughing.

Not because it’s funny, just because it feels good. Like something stuck inside your chest is finally shaking loose.

Zoro lunges. You duck.

You step in close, too close, and suddenly you're chest-to-chest.

Frozen.

Your hands are still gripping the sword.

His hand is on your arm to steady you. And neither of you are moving.

You’re both breathing hard.

His face is close. Closer than it’s ever been.

His eyes flick down to your lips for half a second.

Then back to your eyes.

“Should we—” you whisper.

He kisses you.

It’s not rushed. Not clumsy. It’s careful. Solid. Just like him. Like he thought about it before, maybe a hundred times.

Maybe he was just waiting for the right second. And now here it is.

Your sword clatters to the ground. You don’t care.

His hand slides behind your back. Yours finds his shoulder.

The world quiets.

When you pull away he’s still close, looking at you like you’re the only thing he sees.

You whisper, “That was…”

He raises a brow “Bad?”

You smile “No. That was good.”

He grins “Wanna do it again?”

You kiss him this time.

No swords. No teasing. Just you and him.

Soft. Steady. Real.

And this is how your romance story started.

662 notes · View notes

sthilarions · 3 days ago

Text

I’ve been sitting for many months on a meta about what Edwin did and did not know about Charles’s history, because I think Crystal was wildly misunderstanding what he meant due to cultural mismatch, and I’m very curious as to what he did mean. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not best pleased with how it’s come out but whatever here it is anyway

To start with: Crystal thinks Edwin calling Charles’s dad “rough” is a dismissal and reflects a misunderstanding of the physical facts of the situation. I do not. Crystal’s missing Edwin’s cultural context here. In Edwin’s time, extremely severe corporal punishment was completely normalized. Edwin would unquestionably have experienced it; that’s not headcanon, it’s just historical fact. In Edwin’s cultural context, a parent being “rough” - so violent/out-of-control it goes past even that level of normalized beating to be namably unusual - is… A Lot. If anything, what he’s picturing is, on a purely physical level, more extreme than what we actually see happening to Charles.

I also don’t really think he’s missed the psychological effects, either (as Crystal assumes he has), though this one’s more nebulous. He’s very careful, with how he expresses anger and disapproval around Charles; Charles is the one who explicitly says he avoids being visibly angry around Edwin, but we see Edwin being careful about it, too. Edwin gets harmlessly snippy about meaningless things, and trusts Charles won’t take it to heart, yeah (We have the same left!). But when there’s, like, actually a problem?

Charles smashed a very important magical item and Edwin just calmly said “Time for another discussion on your impetuous behavior.” Which is disapproving, yeah, but imagine what he’d’ve said if it were Crystal; and it is notably less disapproving (and less loud/emotional) than when Charles does things that are much less significant, suggesting Edwin has deliberately downshifted because they’re now in territory where he risks Charles taking him seriously.

Charles murders someone, brutally, while she isn’t fighting back, with, as far as Edwin knows, minimal provocation, and Edwin’s reaction is a careful, quiet, “Charles, that was… extreme.” Which, again, is negative, or at least Charles heard it as such, but it’s also so much less negative than it could have been. Than, frankly, it would be reasonable for it to have been.

The one time we see Edwin actually yell at Charles - when he’s deeply re-traumatized, is so worried about Charles he’s 90% out of his mind from that alone, and the other 10% from everything else, has lost almost all of his filters - he says what Charles did, putting himself in danger, is “so fucking stupid it’s unbelievable” (not Charles, incidentally, but what Charles did) and then immediately apologizes. He’s barely coherent and he takes about 15 seconds to start apologizing sincerely for having yelled at Charles.

Which is all one specific narrow thing, yeah. But, like, it shows something, you know? And what it shows is that Edwin is careful, with Charles. Not just instinctively kind and gentle in general, but protectively careful… in a way that specifically reflects a knowledge that Charles has certain Issues.

(Remember when he introduced himself with “I shan’t hurt you”, because he could tell Charles was afraid, even in the first few seconds? He’s had a lot of time, since then, to learn the exact shape of Charles’s fear.)

So what is Edwin missing, then? My best answer is that he’s missing Charles’s - and even more so Crystal’s - cultural context. He’s missing “we’re allowed to admit this isn’t okay now, we’re allowed to say how much it hurts, how much it fucks you up”. He’s missing not the physical facts of the matter; not even the emotional damage therefrom; but the fact that these things aren’t normal anymore. That you’re allowed to call this “abuse” instead of “discipline”.

His failure to make a connection in the Devlin house was because even if he’s started to adjust to modern expectations of child-rearing (though given that he still believes in hysteria, that may be giving him a bit too much credit) he still, on an instinctive level, doesn’t find this so unusual that it occurs to him Charles might make a specific mental association.

Like, yeah, Mr. Devlin axe-murdered his family and that’s a bit odd even for 1916 (though I will note filicide being blanketly illegal is more recent than you’d think). But Mr. Rowland didn’t axe-murder his family; the connection Charles is making isn’t through the act, it’s through the fact of abuse/control, and that would not ping as memorable to Edwin.

…anyway, as I said, I don’t really like how this meta ended up, tbh, largely because I don’t feel like I can convey well what I think Edwin did learn (the effect of differing cultural context) without talking about some very extreme topics that I do not want to address here. But, like -

TL;DR:

“Rough” means something different to Edwin than to Crystal (and most of the audience). Edwin almost definitely knew Charles was badly physically abused; this was not new information. He very probably knew Charles was psychologically affected by it; this was unlikely new information. The new information Crystal gave him was the cultural context of that abuse.

#dead boy detectives #charles rowland #edwin payne #crystal palace surname von hoverkraft #mine #abuse tw #child abuse tw

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spicyspiders · 3 days ago

Text

turn me inside out

Mark Grayson x male reader smut

4.9k words

Quiet evenings were a thing of the past when dating a superhero.

Warning for bottom male reader, sex pollen, armpit kink, scent kink, sweat kink (kind of?), rimming, deepthroating, anal sex, and slight cum inflation.

What you thought would be a quiet afternoon quickly changed at the sound of a helicopter drawing closer and closer to where you were. It wasn’t the weirdest thing to see helicopters flying overhead given the world you lived in, but it wasn’t every day that one landed right in front of you.

You shield your face against the wind, struggling to try and peak through to see who is approaching. Your hands fell from your face as the blades slowed down, watching as the head of the GDA got out.

“Cecil Stedman of the GDA,” he said, flashing his badge, “you need to come with me.”

You knew who he was, but it wasn’t from the numerous articles about him on the internet, but from Mark. And from how Mark talked about him, he sounded like a no-nonsense type of guy.

“Am I in trouble?”

“We will be if you don’t come with us,” Cecil responded, and when you looked at him full of confusion, Cecil clarified, “it’s about Invincible.”

You tried your best to not show on your face how the mention of his name affected you, even if everything in your body was telling you to run to him. “What about him?” You asked, trying to keep up the facade.

Cecil pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, “we know Invincible– Mark,” he said his name quietly, like he was afraid someone would overhear, “is your boyfriend. Now,” he said, the helicopter’s blades already whirling back to life, “get in.”

“Donald, fill him in,” Cecil said to the man in the seat across from yours.

“Yes, sir,” Donald said, waiting until you were settled into your seat before he spoke again, “Seven hours ago, Mark returned from an off-world mission. He came back with an unusual,” he glanced over at Cecil, “side effect.”

“What do you mean by side effect?” You asked, looking between the two men.

“We kept him overnight to conduct research, and what we’ve found is that we need your help to cure him.”

“How can I help?”

“You’ll see when you get there,” Cecil answered, “he’s been asking for you nonstop,” he said as he looked out the window, “he’ll be excited to see you.” Which didn’t sound ominous at all.

The helicopter ride turned into a private plane ride, making the journey to The Pentagon shorter. You weren’t sure if that was a good thing or bad with the lack of information Cecil and Donald gave you.

“What’s this?” You asked, looking at the bag in the seat next to yours.

“We didn’t have time to get clothes from your house, so we brought you some of ours,” Cecil answered.

Your head snapped up to look at them, “you were in my house?”

Cecil let out an annoyed sigh, “I just said-”

“We didn’t go to your house,” Donald answered calmly, trying to defuse the situation.

“How do you know where I live?” You asked as you opened the bag.

“We looked in your file,” Cecil answered like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“My file,” you parroted.

“You’re dating one of the strongest superheroes on Earth, of course we have a file on you,” Cecil replied.

The clothes in the bag were a few pairs of underwear, what looked like sleepwear, and in the side pocket was a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. Looking through the bag did little to help your confusion. With what was in the bag, it looked like you were being kidnapped to have a sleepover at The Pentagon.

“What is this?” You asked, frustration more than evident in your voice with how cryptic they were being.

Cecil let out another sigh, “listen,” he started, “all of your questions will be answered when you see Mark,” he said, placing a comforting hand on your knee, “right now you should get some rest before we get there.”

“Okay,” you whispered. Maybe Cecil wasn’t as bad as Mark made him out to be, you thought to yourself as you forced yourself to sleep.

You didn’t know how much time passed before Donald was gently shaking you awake, but it felt like you were barely able to get any sleep.

You’re led down through a facility that by the fifth turn through the same looking hallway, has you confused about how Donald and Cecil can make their way through it without a map. It goes from hallways to elevators, Donald and Cecil taking turns on who has to swipe their identification card to get in.

“Almost there,” Donald says as he presses one of the buttons, flashing you a tense smile.

Your hand tightened around the bag’s handle as you tried to calm your nerves. Though the setup felt oddly similar to when you first spent the night at Mark’s place, just with fewer elevators and hallways, something in you felt wrong.

”Mark is just through that door,” Cecil finally said as you approached two doors. In the middle of them was a small table with a metal bin on top, “empty your pockets into that.”

Your hands shake as you place what belongings you have on you into the bin, Donald giving a small, “thank you,” before he takes the bin back down the hallway.

“Where are you-”

”He’s taking it to a safe environment,” Cecil answered, cutting you off.

“So you can plant spyware on me?”

”We already have that on you.”

”Of course you do,” you responded with a roll of your eyes.

Cecil mumbled something under his breath as he walked up to the other door beside the one he pointed out, the words sounding a lot like, “I can tell why Mark likes you,” but you weren’t quite sure.

“Before I can let you see Mark,” Cecil said as he turned the knob, “I need you to take a shower.”

”I’m not dirty,” you responded, unsure whether to be offended or embarrassed.

Cecil held up his hands in surrender, “we just want to control the environment as much as possible to keep you both safe.”

“The environment is my body,” you replied angrily, “Mark’s body,” you shook your head, “we aren’t a science experiment.”

“You technically are,” Cecil responded, before quickly adding, “I know how it sounds, but we’re still learning. What we have learned is a way to calm Mark down.”

“Me?” You asked, feeling slightly calm now that it seemed that Cecil was opening up.

“You,” he answered with a nod. “While he was off-planet, something affected him and his powers– heightened his senses. That soap in there,” he nods over to the bathroom, “will clean you in a way that Mark will smell you without all the extra scents you wear or pick up during the day.”

“It’ll help him? You asked, looking Cecil straight in the eye.

“It’ll help him,” he answered.

Your mind still reeled with questions, but you took what you could get. If you knew there was anything you could do to help Mark, you would do it.

It felt odd to wash your body that barely had any smell to it, but at least it had a lather. You watched the soap go down the drain as you tried to calm your mind, your hands moving across your body on autopilot.

Though it lacks a smell, the soap leaves you feeling clean, your fingers nearly pruned by the time you turn off the water. You pull the clothes on from the bag slowly, trying not to grimace at the thought of there not being any deodorant you could find in the bag. When Cecil said you needed to be clean, he meant everything.

At least the toothpaste with the toothbrush in the bag had a nice minty flavor to it. You wiped the steam from the mirror with your other hand, coming face-to-face with your nervous eyes. Before you pulled on the clothes you were given, you took a few deep breaths, trying to force yourself to relax.

You approached the door that connected the rooms slowly, your hand coming to rest on the cool knob. You let your forehead rest on the door, counting down in your brain as you get up the courage to open the door.

Between seven and six, you hoped Mark would just open the door himself and tell you that everything was okay now, but as the numbers kept going down, you had to face the fact that that wouldn’t be the case.

You repeated the number one over and over again in your head, and after what felt like the hundredth time, your hand turned the knob.

You open the door slowly, nervous about what you will find. It made you feel crazy because you knew it would be Mark, there wasn’t anything you needed to be nervous about. Or so you hoped.

Mark was pacing on the other side of the door, looking at any moment his feet would go straight through the floor. He looked… not quite like himself.

“Mark?” You whispered, the man jumping at the sound of your voice, “were you waiting long?” You asked when Mark turned to face you.

Out of all of the things your brain had come up with when you finally saw Mark, what you didn’t expect was for his face to crumble and for him to come racing over. He collapsed into your chest, letting all of his weight fall onto you.

You fell back into the door with a grunt, Mark’s arms wrapping around your body protectively. You spent what felt like hours against that door until you both calmed, your breaths synching.

It caught you off guard, your body going tense for a moment before you reflexively wrapped your arms around Mark. You ran your hands down Mark’s back, his body practically vibrating in your arms with untapped energy.

Mark nuzzled into your neck and let out a hum of contentment, the vibration rattling your chest when he let out a louder one when you ran your fingers through his hair. You felt the tip of his nose run across your neck, puffs of soft air hitting the skin.

“Are you,” you started, pausing when Mark angled your neck to give him more room, “sniffing me?” You asked.

“Smell so good,” Mark murmured, his lips dragging across your skin.

“I don’t smell like anything,” you said with a small laugh.

Mark pulled away from your neck, looking as if your words had offended him, “you smell like you,” he said, a crazed look in his eyes.

“Okay,” you responded as Mark sat there, waiting for you to respond, “I smell like me.”

Satisfied, Mark nodded before he closed the distance between your mouths, pulling you into a slow kiss. Though it lacked any heat, you were more than happy to let Mark have his fill, responding readily to it.

“What’s going on, Mark?” you asked, turning your head when Mark instead tried to initiate another kiss.

“Nothing,” Mark responded, a smile stretched across his lips when he moved his hips forward, his already hard cock nudging your hip, “just needed to see you.” You were surprised you missed that, especially given that the only thing Mark had on was a thin hospital gown.

“I can tell,” you responded humorously, gasping softly when Mark moved his hips forward again. “This isn’t usually where we meet, though,” you said as you looked around the room. It looked rather plain and empty with just a bed, a nightstand, and a small table with a single chair. It was much different from your room or Mark’s.

You had to admit though that with the level of surveillance that you were under here, it would feel similar to the few times you’ve been in Mark’s bed at his house. Or, so you assumed. On your way here, you passed by what felt like dozens of cameras, and those were just the ones you could identify. It wasn’t like Mark’s house had cameras, but there was always a level of risk there knowing that at any moment, Mark’s mom could walk in.

“Mark,” you whispered, “are there cameras in here?”

Mark grunted in reply, his head ducking back down into your neck to this time run his tongue across the skin. He moaned into the skin, his hands tightening on your body as he pulled you even closer.

“Mark!” You hissed, trying your hardest to stifle a moan as his tongue ran over your pulse point.

“No,” Mark answered, “yes– I don’t know,” he pulled away from your neck, his eyes flicked over your shoulder to the door before he looked over to the other one, “knowing Cecil, probably,” he added before swooping forward into another kiss, one you couldn’t dodge. “But right now I don’t care,” he said against your mouth, the look in his eye making you shiver.

Mark flew you the short distance to the bed, barely giving you time to hang on. You knew Mark wouldn’t let you fall, but it still managed to startle you, “Mark!” You yelled as he picked you up, before what felt like a second later, your back was on the bed, “warn a guy next time!”

“Sorry, baby,” Mark whined, “can’t help it,” he said, his hips driving down. He pulled away after one last thrust of his hips, tearing the thin hospital gown to shreds.

Mark’s hands moved under your shirt, mapping out the skin he had long grown familiar with. He licked his lips as more and more skin became exposed before he ducked down to get his mouth against it.

Mark swiped his tongue up your chest, groaning as he licked up the moisture he found. You weren’t able to tell if it was water you had missed from your shower, or if you had already started sweating.

It was a nice temperature in the room you were in, not too cold or hot, but it wouldn’t surprise you if you had already broken out in a sweat. Just being in Mark’s proximity tended to do that to you.

Mark’s skin ran hot against yours, his hands a hot weight on your skin as he held you down to the bed. His hands tightened along your hips when his tongue dipped into your belly button to swirl around the sensitive skin.

“Mark,” you gasped, not knowing whether you wanted to get away or stay in place as the ticklish feeling washed over you, “feels weird,” you said, trying to bite back the laugh you felt bubbling up.

“Sorry,” Mark breathed as he pulled away, his saliva already starting to cool. It left the trail of hair leading into your pants matted to your skin, Mark looking grossly satisfied at his work.

A flash of nervousness runs through your body as Mark tugs at your clothing, afraid he is going to rip them off like the poor hospital gown. It wouldn’t be the first time Mark has ripped your clothing to get you undressed.

You brought your hips off the bed to help him out, Mark flashing a grateful smile your way as he pulled them down your legs. When his hands moved to your bunched up shirt below your chin, he leaned down to press his lips to yours.

You pulled away from the kiss with a laugh, “it’ll be easier if you take this off,” you said.

Even though he nodded in agreement, Mark moved back in for another kiss, before finally pulling away when he tried for another and his lips came in contact with your shirt. Once it was finally out of the way, Mark tossed the shirt to join your pants.

You kissed lazily until you were at full hardness, making you feel for Mark. He must have been like this for hours. He moaned into your mouth as your hard cocks met, Mark’s leaking from the head messily as you rutted together.

Precum was normal, of course, but what had gotten onto Mark from that other planet must have caused him to act in this way. What had gone from normal, had been taken to extreme, one of the examples of that being the way his cock leaked like a faucet.

Mark pulled away with a groan, his breath mingling with yours as he took a moment to catch his breath, “can I try something?” He panted.

“Anything,” you responded, not caring as long as his cock stayed pressed to yours.

With one last lingering closed-mouth kiss, Mark slowly moved down your body. You whimpered when his hips moved from yours, Mark surging back up to press a kiss to your lips in apology. Once he had kissed the pout from your lips, Mark continued on.

Higher than you expected, Mark came to a halt, one of his hands going to your elbow to lift your arm. You held your breath as you looked down, watching and waiting.

You gasped when Mark moved forward, not at all expecting his tongue to come into contact with your armpit, “fuck, Mark. That’s so–” So what? Gross? Hot? You didn’t know what to call it. All you knew was that Mark seemed to enjoy it, if the sounds he made were any indication.

Mark’s other hand went to your other arm, lifting it towards the pillow in preparation for where he would go next.

On your thigh, you felt Mark’s cock twitch before you felt a drop of precum hit your skin, smearing into the hair. Was this why there was no deodorant in the bag for you on the plane? Did Cecil know that Mark was going to spend more time than you expected licking over the skin until he managed to get up all of your sweat?

“You okay?” You asked Mark when he moved to the other one and stayed in place like he was frozen.

Wordlessly, Mark nodded, nose buried within your armpit hair. You jumped as his breathing became heavier, the gushes of air ruffling the air. And like from earlier, you had to bite your lip to stifle a laugh you felt bubbling up as the stimulation ticked you.

Slowly, Mark moved away before coming face-to-face with you, his pupils blown wide. Gone was the crazed look from earlier, and instead Mark’s face looked blissed out and overcome with pleasure.

Just as slowly as he had moved away, he moved forward, giving you plenty of time to push his head away. It wasn’t like you were going to, even if his face had just been in your armpit. The salt on Mark’s tongue almost tasted the same as the salty taste on yours the last time you sucked him off, the thought making you groan as Mark’s tongue went deeper into your mouth.

“Wish you could taste how good you are,” Mark whispered, “how good you smell,” he said after another kiss, “how good you feel,” he said, bringing your hips back together again.

He made his way back down your body in sections, starting at your nipples. He swirled his tongue around one before biting it into a hardened point. You buried your hand in Mark’s hair when he moved to the other, the mix of pain and pleasure from his tongue and teeth sending waves of ecstasy through your body.

Next, Mark licked down your body, cleaning up the mess his cock leaked out onto skin that hadn’t already dried, paying no mind to his own bitter taste. He dragged his nose as he went further, going right through the thatch of hair at the base of your cock.

Mark groaned at the musky smell, the vibrations rumbling from his chest. Once he finally reached his destination and sucked your cock into his mouth, another followed suit, this time vibrating straight through your cock.

“Mark!” You moaned as the suction, right off the bat, was nearly too much. Your back arched off the bed, your body moving closer for more.

Mark whimpered at the sound of his name, pausing to take your cock deeper. His throat was wet and tight around your cock, the wet walls of his throat clenching as he fought against his gag reflex to take you deeper.

You grabbed for Mark’s face when tears sprung from his eyes, pulling him back up your body. “Easy, Mark,” you said as you wiped through the tracks, “don’t hurt yourself,” you murmured, wiping your thumbs across his face slowly.

Mark opened his eyes as he rested his face in the literal palm of your hand, his tears making his eyelashes clump together, “want you to cum in my mouth,” he said softly like the heat of the moment had caught up to him and he was afraid for you to hear.

“I will, I will,” you said, smiling down softly at him as he turned his face to press a kiss to your palm.

Mark stole a soft, salty kiss before he went back down. He took you as deep as he could, and what he couldn’t take he wrapped his fingers around. He set up a fast, wet rhythm as he bobbed his head on your cock, his fingers slick around the base.

Mark pulled off with a wet pop, his hand moving to the tip of your cock to give him ample room to work as he sucked one of your balls into his mouth. You groaned at the feel of not only his mouth, but at the feel of his hands as he slowly stroked you from tip to root.

Moved onto the second, Mark’s hand moved achingly slow as the tip of his tongue licked the sensitive skin. He pulled away with a slick pop as he pulled into lungfuls of air, watching as you fell apart under him.

“Don’t tease,” you pleaded.

“M’not teasing,” Mark replied, but he knew exactly what he was doing. Especially when he pulled his hand to his mouth and his tongue came out to lick up the bead of precum that had leaked onto his fingers.

Once your cock was back inside the hot cavern of his mouth, it didn’t take long for Mark to get his wish. Your orgasm raced through you, punching out moans from your throat as your stomach clenched around the pleasure you had felt building there.

And like the taste of your cum made Mark have his own orgasm, he moaned loudly around your cock as he drank down the cum that shot from the slit of your cock.

You yanked at Mark’s hair when you could feel overstimulation begin to creep in, trying to pull him off as he continued to suck you off for all that you were worth. Your hand fell free when Mark finally pulled off, your cock giving a small twitch of interest as you watched Mark lick his lips satisfyingly.

You opened your mouth when Mark flopped down beside you, his still hard cock rubbing against you, “what about–” you started to ask, only to be cut off when Mark kisses you.

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” you breathe.

Mark lets out a hum of contempt as he runs his hands all over your body, “you are,” he sighs. You weren’t really sure how you being one orgasm down while he was still rock hard was satisfying, but you suppose you shouldn’t complain.

Legs tangled together, you kiss until you’re nearly hard again, aided by Mark’s fingers as they dig into the skin of your ass cheeks to bring your cocks together. He pulls away momentarily to open one of the drawers to the nightstand, bringing a bottle of lube back with him.

You turn onto your stomach in anticipation, waiting to hear the telltale sound of the cap opening. Seconds later, you instead feel soft kisses being pressed to your back.

“Not yet,” Mark whispers into your ear, making you shiver.

If he was going to make you wait, you might as well get comfortable. You curl your arms around one of the surprisingly soft pillows on the bed, waiting to feel what Mark is going to do next.

Mark kisses down the knobs of your spin, down down down until he reaches the small of your back. You’re practically shaking by the time Mark grabs both of your ass cheeks and spreads you open.

Your moan is muffled into the pillow as Mark licks slowly along your crack, his tongue only a faint whisper against your hole. It grows louder when Mark finally finds his, well… mark, alternating between broad strokes and pinpoint dips inside.

Mark moans as he spears you open on his tongue, the sound going straight to your cock. His strong fingers dig into your skin, massaging the flesh below his hands. When you clench down his tongue, Mark’s fingers nearly tighten to the point of pain, but a sick part of you hopes– wants Mark to go past that and leave a trace of himself on your skin.

Mark pulls away, but just far enough to spit on your hole, one of his fingers coming in quickly to press it inside slowly. Lax from his tongue and your first orgasm, Mark makes swift work preparing you with one finger, and soon after, a second is joining the first.

On the first brush to your prostate, your back arches, your now fully hard cock coming into contact with the bedspread. You push your ass back as Mark scissors his fingers, groaning into the pillow at the slight burn.

Mark lays a kiss on each cheek as he moves his fingers in and out before he licks inside, between his two fingers.

You moan at the combined feel of Mark’s tongue and fingers, your cock throbbing when a third joins the second, knowing exactly what was about to come. As you adjust to his three fingers, your ears pick up on the sound of Mark’s lubed-up fist around his cock and his harsh pants behind you.

Mark pulls his fingers free slowly, your hole clenching around nothing momentarily before the wet head of his cock was replacing his fingers. His body hovers over yours, arms beside your shoulders as he thrusts inside in one steady movement.

You both groan when Mark bottoms out, his hips coming to rest against your ass. Marks lowers himself down, his body laid out over yours as he lays kisses across the back of your neck.

You crane your neck to the side, Mark already knowing exactly what you want as he presses his lips to yours. As his tongue presses past your teeth, Mark circles his hips, your hole clenching around his cock.

“Ready?” Mark asked, pulling away from the kiss to lick up the sweat on the back of your neck.

“Yes yes yes,” you chanted, pressing your ass back, even if all you came into contact with was Mark’s hips.

Mark pulls out slowly until just the head remains inside before thrusting right back inside. It only took just that one thrust for Mark to pick up his rhythm, fucking you into the bed on each thrust.

The smack of skin-on-skin rang loudly through the room, accompanied by the groan and creak of the bed below your combined weight. If there truly weren’t cameras in the room, it wouldn’t matter because if anyone even stepped down the hallway you were in, they’d be able to tell exactly what you were up to through the door.

Shamelessly, you pushed back into Mark’s thrusts, fighting off the ball of pleasure you could steadily feel grow larger and larger on each one.

Mark panted in your ear, moaning to the rhythm of his thrusts. He moved one of his hands below your body and between your legs to wrap his fingers loosely around your cock.

You moved your hand to cover Mark’s, instead of pulling his fingers down to wrap around the base. You tightened your hold around his fingers, hoping that Mark would get the gist that you were trying to last as long as you could.

When your hand fell away, so did Mark’s. Your mouth opens in protest, but as if Mark could read your mind, his lips were there on the back of your neck, kissing the skin softly in the form of an apology. His fingers moved down your cock and past your balls to press his fingers into your perineum, inner prostate stimulation meeting outer prostate stimulation.

You cum with a shout, stars exploding behind your eyes as they roll back in your head, overwhelmed by the pleasure.

After a few more stuttered-off thrusts, Mark cums. His cock goes in deep, and his cum goes in deeper, making a mess of your insides. Mark sobs through his orgasm, his arms wrapping tightly around your body to hold you close.

Mark rolls you over onto your side, his body curled protectively around yours. He ran his hand softly across your stomach, right on top of where his hard cock was still pumping you full.

“How do you feel?” You asked, your voice rough.

“Good,” Mark replied, tangling your legs together, “tired,” he murmured.

“Doesn’t feel like it,” you said, clenching down on his cock.

You could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke, “could say the same for you,” he said, wrapping a hand around your hardening cock.

“Do you think it rubbed off?” You asked, reaching behind you to grab Mark’s ass when he rolled his hips forward.

“Let’s find out,” Mark answered, nipping at your neck.

#x male reader #x male reader smut #invincible x male reader #invincible x male reader smut #invincible x reader #mark grayson #mark grayson x male reader smut #mark grayson x male reader #mark grayson x reader #invincible imagine #mark grayson imagine

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ahundredtimesover · 2 days ago

Text

Something About You (06) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: friends au, vacation au, slow burn, romcom-ish vibe; adulting; inspired by AYS; PE teacher!JK and researcher!OC; fluff, comfort, smut (?)

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption, kissing (18+)

Word count: 22.3k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series Summary: You and Jungkook have been friends for a decade. And while he’s the charming and dependable, often reserved boy-next-door, he’s also just been a friend - a constant in your life, a part of a whole, and someone who’s seen all the flawed and probably unattractive sides of you.

A resumption of your friend group’s out-of-town trips has caused you to spend more time with him. And somewhere in between the morning coffee in the forest, running around in the snow, and watching the sunset on a boat, he’s become something more. And you’re not quite sure how to deal with it.

🎶: Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney || Yes or No by Jungkook

A/N: The last one (and a bonus)! It was a short journey but thank you for gushing about these two with me. They definitely have my heart. [KILIG] I hope you one day find someone you could settle into, too (could be anyone, or a dog I guess). Please enjoy! ☺️

The day after you get back from a mini-vacation is always the toughest.

You drag yourself to work on Tuesday and spend much of it daydreaming about the past weekend and everything that happened - from spending time with your friends to eating the most amazing food. It was four days of unforgettable memories that you’ll hold dear, especially considering the big changes happening in the lives of people you care about.

There was a change in yours, too - your feelings for Jungkook, specifically, and your acceptance of it. You didn’t want to expect much during the trip but you suppose that going with the flow meant you let things surprise you and they did.

From briefly holding his hands to being taken care of, you found yourself falling into what once were very normal and natural occurrences between you two and enjoying them. There was comfort and familiarity but also a rush of emotions that somehow felt new - thrill, anticipation, overwhelming desire but contentment in things being the way they are.

There were moments where you felt like you wanted to confess, like when you laid by the pool one evening and looked at the stars or when you watched the sunrise together on that final morning. That was always your thing, though. You’re assertive when it comes to what you feel for other people and you tend to let them know right away because you don’t like wasting time.

But not with Jungkook, as you feel that letting things happen and progress gradually is the more natural way of going about it, even if it feels like your feelings came out of nowhere.

In a way, they did. All it took was one conversation with your friends that got you thinking. But all you had to do was pay attention to your feelings and that’s what made you realize that maybe the comfort and familiarity you’d always felt with him was part of the process.

The 10 years of friendship was 10 years of experiencing heartbreaks and learning life lessons separately but being there for each other regardless. That’s 10 years of slowly adjusting to each other, allowing parts of yourself to intertwine and fit with his, and then finding out that you want more than what friendship can give you.

Maybe hold hands longer, or cuddle and kiss. Or more specifically, hold hands while watching something beautiful together. Or cuddle after a long, tiring day. Or kiss to express your care and appreciation in ways that words can’t. You suppose it’s experiencing life together in a new way - next to him where you wish you’ll always be.

It’s unlike you to feel like this. You don’t always wait. You act on your desires immediately because you know you can always walk away if it’s not returned, and it’s something you can live with.

But not this time, not only because you have something to lose but because desiring him is something you enjoy. Understanding what you feel, letting it settle, and then basking in it are part of the experience that you want to embrace because then you know you’re not rushing; then you know it’s real.

What’s also part of the experience is not knowing how to act and missing him. Like when he didn’t text you all Tuesday because he crashed when he got home after teaching PE all day, or when he messaged you the next day asking how you are and you stared at the text for five minutes because you didn’t know how to respond.

Or when he miraculously replied in the group chat about going to your place on the weekend but then sending his apologies the day after that because he got dragged into a school trip that he couldn’t say no to.

Today is Saturday, and you’ve been cranky since last night. You know it’s not his fault but you can’t help the empty feeling at not having him around and not being able to tell him about it.

You’re lying in bed with your thoughts going from one deep corner of your mind to another when your doorbell rings. You drag yourself out of bed and find Jimin, Taehyung, and Mo-eum smiling as you open the door.

You greet them with a pout before letting them in.

“Wow, nice to see you, too,” Jimin says sarcastically as he places the food and drinks on your coffee table.

“Hey, don’t be hard on her. I’m sure she’s happy we’re here,” Mo-eum smiles.

“Yeah. She just wishes that Jungkook was, too,” Taehyung adds. “I mean, I don’t blame her though. That’s how it is when you like someone.”

“Why are school trips scheduled on a weekend?!” You whine. “And why is he the one who had to be the substitute chaperone for it?!”

Your friends endearingly smile at you and hold in their giggles because they’re not used to seeing you pouty about Jungkook not being around.

“It’s the science club’s trip to an observatory that they scheduled this weekend because of the planets’ alignment tonight,” Mo-eum explains. “And Kook’s in the roster of substitutes so he got called in at the last minute because one of the teachers got sick. It sucks but that’s how it is.”

“It’s crazy that they just assume he’s free on the weekend,” Jimin shakes his head.

“Well, he doesn’t have his own children to take care of, that’s for sure,” Mo-eum corrects.

You know she’s right and you can’t really blame anyone for Jungkook not being here. Come to think of it, he probably prefers catching frogs at the swamp and building tents with his students over being stuck with your rowdy group in your apartment just watching movies. You also just spent the last weekend together so missing today wouldn’t be much of a big deal to him.

You’re the one who’s sulking because you miss him, and the weight of your feelings hits you again.

“I can’t believe I like him,” you sigh as you sink onto the floor by your sofa.

“I can’t believe you haven’t told him you like him,” Taehyung says as he munches on your lunch of fried chicken and beer.

“Tae, it’s just been a week,” you glare at him.

“Really?” He cocks an eyebrow.

You definitely seemed confused for longer than that.

“Fine, a few weeks, then,” you correct yourself.

“Still a few weeks more than your usual,” he hums. “I mean, you tend to kinda go for it the moment you realize you like someone.”

“Well, he isn’t just someone,” you say softly now. “He’s my friend and that makes all the difference. I can’t just walk away from him if he doesn’t like me. This is a risk in itself! Why– ugh, why did I even convince myself to give in to my feelings?!”

“___, let’s breathe a bit, yeah?” Jimin rubs your back to calm you down. “He literally just couldn’t make it today and it’s because of an obligation and not because he didn’t want to be. Okay? You can’t just assume the worst and end up regretting letting yourself feel what you feel. You haven’t even told him you like him!”

“When would I?” You pout again. “And it’s not like I’m planning it like this major event or anything. I want it to be natural but I’m also thinking - for how long should I let things be this way? Do I drop hints and then back off if he seems uninterested? Do I tell him outright? Do I wait?”

“I think, for once, you’re overthinking,” Jimin sighs. “Just see what each day brings. Did you talk this week?”

“We were texting on Wednesday. He confirmed coming today but we've both been busy since then,” you narrate. “I don’t want to just keep texting him.”

“Why not?” Mo-eum asks.

“I don’t know, I’m kinda shy. I’m cautious of being assertive and I don’t want him to think he has to reply all the time because I know he’s not the type,” you explain.

“Again, overthinking,” Jimin says. “Just do what you normally do. And do what you want. That’s how things developed anyway - you, doing things naturally, so keep it that way. And when you think you’re ready, then tell him how you feel. We’re here to support you with whatever you decide. Okay?”

“Okay,” you sigh, leaning on his shoulder before you stand up and say you’ll shower because you just got out of bed.

“Bum,” Jimin yells as you make your way to the bathroom.

“Shush, I’m sad,” you groan.

When the door shuts, Mo-eum turns to the two men.

“So, until when are we gonna pretend that we don’t know that Jungkook likes her, too? Are we just gonna hide the fact that they like each other to both of them?” She whispers.

“Mo-eum, we promised that we won’t meddle so we won’t tell her, the same way we’re not telling Kook that she likes him,” Taehyung responds.

“Well, you asking Kook if he likes ___ and Jimin suggesting to ___ that she could like him is kinda like meddling, isn’t it?” Mo-eum asks.

“Hey, my question was totally innocent,” Taehyung defends.

“And I literally just floated an idea. I didn’t even know that Kook already liked her that time,” Jimin counters.

“Okay fine. So now they like each other and we’re the only three people who know. Why aren’t we doing anything?” Mo-eum wails. “___ is sulking because Kook isn’t here and Kook is texting me, asking what we’re doing as if there’s anything more to say about movies and drinks!”

“Because we’re good friends who’ll nudge them here and there but then we’ll let them confess at their own time and place,” Taehyung says. “We did our part last weekend. I left them alone and stopped myself from teasing them so that I wouldn't ruin their moment.”

“True. And I made sure no one else wanted to watch the sunrise with them on Monday morning,” Jimin adds. “I had to do hypnosis on Joon to convince him that he didn’t need to see it just so ___ and Kook could have their alone time.”

“Fine,” Mo-eum agrees. “So do we just let them figure it out from here?”

“For now, I think we just wait,” Taehyung nods. “I’m leaving soon so we’ll have more time to see each other and that means more chances of them spending time together or being alone. I just hope they figure their shit out while I’m still here so I can celebrate.”

“We’ll see. I mean, you have that farewell party next Friday and something has been happening every night out,” Jimin states. “Who knows? Maybe it will happen then.”

The three of them quickly change the topic once they hear the door unlock and you return to the living room. You look less upset now and there’s a bit more life on your face and they know you probably just needed to cool off.

“You feeling better?” Mo-eum asks as you reclaim your seat next to her on the couch.

“I think I just needed a shower,” you chuckle, thinking to yourself earlier how silly you are for sulking.

Of course you wish Jungkook was here, but just thinking about him being with his students and witnessing something pretty spectacular tonight makes you smile.

He loves his kids. He’s a proponent of learning outside the classroom and he’s often talked about how he enjoys joining excursions and field trips because of the other things he gets to teach them. He loves his job and his passion for it - no matter how quiet or subdued compared to yours - is incredibly attractive. You can’t wait until he tells you all about it.

Your friends look at you softly and take your word for it. You’re one who says what she means and they suppose you just needed to rein in your feelings so you could get over them.

“Alright then. Movie time,” Taehyung smiles.

You sit in between him and Mo-eum, alternating leaning on their shoulders, as you watch his picks for today. You go from action in Reservoir Dogs to heartfelt romcom in About Time - his favorites - which means you go from tense to cry-laughing the entire afternoon. You get food delivered for dinner and your friends stay until close to midnight.

The two glasses of wine you have make you sleepy, but you don’t crash out right away. The minutes before you do, you think of Jungkook again and how he’s doing. You wonder if he got to marvel at the night sky and if he’s warm enough for the night. You wonder, too, if he was thinking about you.

You learn the next morning that he was, as you wake up at 10 AM to a photo of the sunrise from him. It looks like it’s taken by a lake, and you see the light illuminate on the water. It’s stunning, and you smile as you stare at it and feel the rush of thrilling yet wholesome emotion at the thought of him thinking of you when he took this.

[to: bunny kook] that’s so pretty, kook! It looks so calming

[from: bunny kook] yeah it was.

[from: bunny kook] i think the one in jeju was better though

You spend the remainder of the morning just giggling to yourself and kicking your blanket out of excitement.

It’s silly acting this way over one text, but you suppose that’s how quickly you’ve fallen into the deep end of this whole liking Jungkook thing. You might also be overthinking because him saying that the sunrise in Jeju was better could literally mean that he liked the view there more. That was followed by a pod of dolphins swimming so you’d understand if that was his reason.

But then again, there was also you. He told you about the sunrise. He asked you if you wanted to see it. You’d like to think that you’re the missing variable this time and maybe that wouldn’t be a stretch. So you bask in it for a while even if he messages that he’ll get back to you later once they’re on the trip home.

You go about your day running errands. It’s mid-afternoon when he sends a text that they’re on the bus heading back to Seoul and you reply that you’d just gotten back to your apartment to do some chores. You talk like that for the next hour or so as you constantly check the clock, hoping that it wouldn’t be too much if you ask him to have dinner somewhere nearby when he arrives.

But as luck would have it, their bus gets caught in traffic. And when they finally arrive at the school, he has to wait for the last remaining student to get picked up before he could leave. It’s not that late in the evening but you think it’s late enough to hang out, and given the weekend he’s had, you suppose he’d just want to lay in bed and get some rest.

So that’s what you suggest that he does.

[from: bunny kook] where should I get food delivered?

You laugh at his question, not because it’s funny but because it seems silly that he’s asking you. You decide to call him and reason to yourself that it’s much easier than texting, which is true. You’re folding your clothes after all.

“Are you really asking me about food?” You gasp when he picks up the phone.

“Well, you’re the one who always orders delivery,” he chuckles. “I’m kinda drained; I can’t really think right now. What do you recommend?”

You think about it, really think about it. You don’t want to disappoint him with your food choice so you give him options of your favorite burger joint, your go-to donburi place, a noodle house, and a Chinese restaurant - all hearty and definitely his type of food. He decides on getting a rice bowl and he orders while you’re on speaker.

“Alright. That should come in half an hour,” he informs you.

That’s enough time to talk, you think, so you ask him how the trip was.

“Oh, there’s so much to say. And I have to show you the pictures so I’ll tell you everything the next time I see you but it was really fun,” he shares. “The guides taught the kids about the different plants in the forest and which mushrooms are poisonous. Then we set up tents on a field and then went to an observatory to look at the stars. They loved seeing the planets on the telescope and it was just nice to see them excited.”

“That sounds fun, Kook. Glad you got to be with them then, even if it was a short notice trip,” you say, and meaning it.

“Yeah, I just wasn’t ready, especially having just come from a trip. Mr. Im was the other option but it was his son’s birthday so he begged off,” Jungkook sighs. “I still would’ve enjoyed movies at your place though. I heard there wasn’t any horror on the list.”

“Nope. Tae’s choices. Plus, neither one of the guys wanted to sit next to me and Mo-eum,” you laugh. “Jimin said we would’ve watched something scary if you were there since you don’t mind being yelled at.”

“Hey, you’ve improved. We watched The Thing last week and you yelled just one time,” he points out.

Not like you could admit that the only reason why you didn’t react like you normally would was because you were more nervous doing something silly with him so you just laugh and agree.

“Well, what a weekend for you, huh? I’m sure you’re exhausted, and you go back to work tomorrow,” you say, wishing he would’ve had time to rest.

“It happens. It’s part of the job and it’s fine,” he hums.

Jungkook stops himself from saying more, like how he wished he got to spend even a bit of today with you. But he wasn’t sure if it would’ve been too much if he insisted, given that you were doing errands all day, too. And well, he would’ve been obvious as well, even if looking back, sending you the sunrise picture then saying that the one in Jeju was better could’ve given him away.

He woke up at dawn for a quick hike up a hill to watch the sun rise because he wanted to reminisce about last weekend and be reminded of you. It still looked pretty but it felt different doing it on his own.

He recalled the last morning in Jeju - your little squeals every time he drove through a hump then feeling you tighten your hold on his waist for security, sitting on the ledge and seeing your smile grow wider as the sun ascended, and the way you held his hand in awe as if things didn’t feel real unless you had something to touch.

You thanked him for taking you there and said that you’ll always remember that moment. He blanked out and couldn’t say that he’ll always remember it, too. A part of him wishes that he’d been braver that day and just told you how he felt, but he thought of the plane ride and the drive back home and how awkward it would’ve been if you didn’t feel the same way and he didn’t want to put you in that position.

But what he’s learned these past months is that the thrill, the anticipation, the curiosity and yes, even the regret, are all part of the experience. It’s part of settling into the feeling and settling into you and he knows that at the end of the day, whether he crashes on the ground or he lands safely, the comfort of these past few months because of you is what he’ll remember.

That’s what he wants you to remember, too.

You hear the doorbell ring on Jungkook’s side of the line and you internally sigh at having to end the call. Despite how close you’ve become recently, you’re not exactly at the level where you talk this much and while someone’s doing something else, so you offer to hang up.

There’s a beat of silence on his end and you resort to calling him out to retain that sense of normalcy in your friendship.

“You chew loudly,” you reason. “You eat like a child sometimes.”

“Uhm, and you don’t?” He counters. “You’re the one who eats while yapping.”

“I like to multi-task,” you say. “I can nourish myself while arguing a point or narrating a story.”

“You’re silly,” he chuckles now, but he decides to let you go.

He would’ve wanted to stay on the line with you but you’re sensitive to chewing sounds and he can’t help himself with how he eats sometimes. He’s not really the type to be on a phone call for long but he doesn’t mind it with you because you always have something to say. You fill the silence that he doesn’t know what to do with, and even when there’s nothing to say, he just likes knowing that you’re there.

“But yeah, I’ll go ahead and eat. Thanks for the recommendation. The food looks delicious and their serving is huge,” he states.

“Yup, thought you might like that part,” you laugh. “Get lots of rest, okay? And uh, see you soon? Tae said he’ll organize dinner this week and then there’s his farewell party on Friday.”

“Yup. He’s been blowing up my phone with reminders. I’ll see you then. Bye.”

You finally hang up and lay on the pile of clothes that you stopped folding since getting on the call with Jungkook. It’s become increasingly clear that you want more of him and you’re trying not to get overwhelmed and be swept away by your emotions.

You know what you feel for him is real; you just don’t want to scare him off with how deeply you feel it. You have to remind yourself to tone it down and give him space to breathe because who knows what he’s feeling, too?

Maybe your friends do or maybe they don’t. Even with their non-stop teasing and their penchant for pushing your buttons, you know enough that they won’t meddle or at least, act or say anything on anyone’s behalf.

You’ve seen it with Seokjin and Hayoung and even Suhyeon and Hoseok. And while Jimin has his Yoongi-Gyu-rim agenda, you know that he knows his boundaries and he’s letting them figure things out on his own. Kinda like what he and Taehyung and Mo-eum are doing with you.

But you’ll see Jungkook again like you said. Maybe the time to tell him would be then.

The American restaurant that Taehyung chooses is quite loud and full for a Wednesday night. He doesn’t mind it though, since it’s like preparation for him on how the next year of his life is going to be like. He’s leaving for New York next week and he wants to brush up on his English and American pop culture knowledge, which is why you’re all here during quiz night.

You got stuck in a meeting and took a cab here and more noise isn’t exactly what you need right now but you suppose it’s fine. You’d go anywhere for Taehyung and you know that this kind of vibe is what he seeks sometimes.

He runs to you when he sees you enter the restaurant and gives you a tight hug. It hasn’t sunk in yet but you know soon that it will, so you hold him tighter and whisper that you’ll miss him but you already hate this place.

“Ha! I figured. Yoongi’s been cursing me under his breath since he arrived, too,” he laughs. “But don’t worry. My parents’ house on Sunday for lunch and it’ll be better. They serve the best milkshake and lava cake here so order them.”

He grabs your hand then whispers. “I saved you a seat,” and gestures to the space next to Jungkook.

“Weren’t you sitting there a while ago?” You ask.

“Yeah, because I was saving it for you. Hoseok and Namjoon are still on the way.”

“Tae,” you pull his hand now, as you recall your thoughts from these past few days of where your friends might stand in this whole situation. “What does this all mean?”

“What?”

“This…” you sigh as you gesture towards Jungkook. “Letting me sit next to him and, I don’t know, things you’ve said?”

“Because you’re my friend and I support what you feel,” he smiles tenderly. “Nevermind his side, whatever it is. What matters to me is that you get to experience something new and good, something that makes you feel good about yourself, and something that you could settle into and that makes you feel like it’s right.”

Your face softens as you process his words. Your friends know you as someone who dives right into things and doesn’t care much for the consequences because you’ve always managed to get through them, whatever the end result was. With Jungkook, you’ve learned to settle into the feeling, experiencing every fun and exciting and scary part of it and you suppose that’s made you appreciate yourself, too.

“But hey, you know me,” he continues. “I’m not gonna let you crash, especially when I won’t be around. Take that how you want.”

His smile is a bit cheeky this time as he pulls you again towards the table. He takes the seat across from you while you take the one he supposedly saved, right next to Jungkook.

“Hey,” he greets. “Heard you got caught up in a meeting.”

“Yeah. The CEO of some Foundation was at the office and my manager dragged me along,” you sigh. “I left my car at the office because I was too tired to drive.”

“Well you’re here now. You feeling okay?”

“Yup, all good now,” you assure him. “So, Tae said the milkshake and lava cake are good so I’m getting both. What did you order?”

“None yet, I haven’t made up my mind. What are you thinking?”

You browse the menu and go through a bunch of choices with him before you settle on barbecue ribs while he orders a steak sandwich and lobster mac and cheese. You get the chocolate milkshake while he gets vanilla.

The conversations around you are constant, this despite the fact that you all spent several days together not long ago, but you suppose so much has happened since then. The wedding preparations continue. Taehyung has finalized his rent of an apartment in Manhattan and booked a local modeling gig. Mo-eum’s up for a service award. And Hoseok spearheaded a massive fashion collaboration.

You sometimes forget that your friends are at the top of their fields because of how natural and human they are outside of their jobs. It’s a relief, you think, that despite everything that goes on in their lives, your circle of friends will always be home.

You think about the man next to you and feel that way about him, regardless of what he feels for you. You suppose that’s what Taehyung meant about experiencing something good for a change.

Jungkook feels like home. Whether it’s one you move on from or one you stay in for a long time is something you have yet to find out, but you’re settling in it comfortably now and you like it.

And when he nudges your shoulder to show you his food then offers you the first spoonful of the mac and cheese, you start to think that maybe you like being here for now. You like the comfort and the carefree feeling of it. There aren't any expectations nor demands.

You just… like him. You like being around him. You want to hold his hand and it’s okay if you don’t get to yet. You want to know how his lips taste but you can wait until the time comes. You want to drown in his warmth but leaning on his shoulder would be enough to satisfy you.

This is different for you, too. You’re often impatient and needy. You need to get your hands on whatever you want the moment you decide you want it. Maybe with Jungkook, you will, eventually. Maybe it isn’t now.

You enjoy the night more than you thought you would. Your table wins first place on the quiz. Taehyung wows the entire restaurant when he sings Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby on the jukebox.

And you savor every bite of your ribs and share the lava cake with Jungkook. You notice him pushing the chocolate syrup and vanilla ice cream on your side of the plate so you could get more of it and your heart jumps at this.

It’s the little things, you realized the other night. He’s so good at them. He pays attention even if sometimes it seems like he’s spacing out but you’ve noticed him notice everything. You wonder if he’s noticed the change in you, and if he has, you wonder if he’s just going with the flow like you are, just waiting for the right time to make a move.

“Your mind’s gone elsewhere again,” he chuckles, disrupting your thoughts. “The ice cream’s melting.”

“Ah, you know me,” you shrug and finally take that final spoonful. “It doesn’t stop… thinking. It freaks me out sometimes.”

“Hmm. I hope your thoughts never scare you though.”

“They’re not always good, you know?”

“They’re still yours,” he counters. “You don’t have to be scared of yourself.”

You nod and smile, and you wonder how he does it, how he just calms you down with words or even with a look of assurance.

This is the version of you that likes him. And like you’ve realized, you like this version of you that likes him. You start to wonder if you’ll also like the version of you that gets to be with him and if he’ll like that, too.

Dinner finally ends after most of you run out of energy. It’s a work night, after all, and it’s just the middle of the week. Since you left your car at your office, Jungkook offers to drive you home.

You nod, and just when you thought you’d get to be alone with him again, Namjoon asks if he could hitch a ride, too. He has to pass by a friend’s apartment and he lives in the same block as Jungkook.

“Uh, sure,” Jungkook nods. “Let’s go. I’ll just drop ___ off first.”

“No problem,” Namjoon smiles.

You laugh at how things are turning out, as the rollercoaster of emotions gives you a whiplash. You say goodbye to your friends and when you get to Jimin, Taehyung, and Mo-eum, they’re frowning and asking why Namjoon is cockblocking you right now.

“Oh shush, he isn’t,” you chuckle. “It’s fine. I liked tonight with Kook.”

And you mean it. You sat next to him and he talked about the school trip. You scooted closer so you could hear each other over the noise. You got to see his smile again and felt that comfort that being with him gives.

And all that felt enough, reminding you that this isn’t like all the times before. It assures you because what Jungkook deserves is certainty and you think that’s what you can give.

Namjoon sits in the passenger seat with you sitting behind him. And you don’t mind at all; you like listening to him ramble about things. So does Jungkook, as he laughs and asks questions, even as he constantly looks at the rear view mirror and meets your eyes.

You feel the rush whenever he does, like this tingling feeling all over your body, especially when you see him smile right after from the back of the passenger seat. It does quell the noise in your mind a bit, as it constantly goes from wanting to tell him how you feel to wanting to bask in this feeling a little while longer.

You arrive at your apartment and Namjoon reaches out his hand from the front for you to shake as a goodbye. Jungkook turns to you with a softness in his eyes, like a look of contentment mixed with a bit of regret that you probably mirror.

“Good night, ___. Don’t hurt yourself, yeah?”

“I’ll try,” you chuckle. “Thanks, Kook. I’ll see you guys again.”

You walk up the steps of your apartment and glance back to see Jungkook’s smile before he drives off.

Jungkook looks at himself in the half-body mirror and nods, feeling satisfied with his chosen outfit for this Friday night.

It’s Taehyung’s farewell party before he leaves next week and all your friends are obligated to go. Not that Jungkook wouldn’t, but he at least prefers to go in peace, and not with the said man knocking at his door and demanding they go to the Club together. And then judging him for what he’s wearing.

“Nope, you’re not wearing that,” Taehyung shakes his head. “Choose something else.”

“What’s wrong with a shirt and jeans? I actually think I look pretty good when I’m in a basic outfit,” Jungkook argues.

“You do. But Kook, you need to look irresistible.”

Jungkook turns around and gives his friend an incredulous look.

“Why?”

“Because I have hot friends and if one of them fancies ___ and asks her out, what are you gonna do?” Taehyung challenges. “Are you gonna sweep in with your basic outfit and make her pay attention to you? I mean, what are you even doing at this point?”

“Okay, you’re being harsh,” Jungkook scowls, wondering where all this accusation is coming from. “And hey, I’ve been doing a lot, okay? I take her home, I text her, I… I’m affectionate with her.”

“Yeah, normal things I guess,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “But what are you telling her?”

“That I like spending time with her?”

“What about hey I like you, should we date?”

“None of that… yet,” Jungkook sighs as he sits on the couch and leans his head back, suddenly feeling stressed at this sudden attack. “Why are you rushing me anyway?”

“I’m not rushing you. It’s just that you’ve liked her for months but you haven’t told her yet. I’m just wondering why. I mean, you haven’t really been saying much about it recently.”

“Because I don’t know how to express it,” Jungkook admits. “I never know how with these things. And I told you, I want her to settle into me, slowly. If I confess to her without that happening then it might freak her out and I don’t want that. I want her to actually like me back, you know?”

Taehyung merely hums, cautious not to give anything away. While he, Jimin, and Mo-eum have talked about not meddling, it doesn't mean it isn’t frustrating when he has to pretend like he doesn’t know anything, especially when you and Jungkook are so painfully unaware of what the other is really feeling.

It’s tempting to tell Jungkook about what you feel, the same way it’s tempting to tell you that he’s actually been pining for you for a while now. Or even to just lock both of you in a room and urge one of you to confess, or blast it on some speaker that you both like each other. Though Taehyung doubts it’d ruin things, he doesn’t think it’s the most natural way to go about it.

He supposes that one downside of being long-time friends who end up liking each other is that things that may seem normal actually already mean something more. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism, and it’s probably why you haven’t picked up just how much Jungkook likes you and why he doesn’t seem convinced that you like him, too. Maybe it’s also because you’re both focusing so much on how you feel and not what each other’s actions probably mean.

But like he said, he won’t meddle but he could nudge. And dictating how Jungkook looks tonight is one way he could do that. Taehyung already knows how you react to the man and if Jungkook sees that, it might give him the confidence this time.

“Okay then. Entice her,” Taehyung says as he gets back to the conversation.

“What the heck does that mean?” Jungkook laughs at the absurdity.

“Just… wear something that fits the occasion more than jeans and a shirt. Like, something that you think would impress her.”

Jungkook nods and thinks it’s not a bad idea. He never felt like he needed to try with you when it came to how he looked or presented himself. He’s always dressed in jeans or joggers with a shirt or a jacket whenever he meets you and you never mind. Not that you have a reason to. You even seem to like it when he’s in his oversized hoodies because they’re comfortable, which is what you said about the one he lent you in Jeju.

But maybe if he wants you to see him differently, dressing up might be one way to do it. So he heads to his closet and puts on an outfit that he thinks might work then asks his friend if it’s okay.

“Hmm,” Taehyung circles him. “Jeans and boots are on brand. Switch the jacket with a leather one. And good choice with the tank top because she likes nice arms and you better flaunt them.”

“I’m not gonna remove my jacket there,” Jungkook rolls his eyes, although he admits feeling confident about his physique.

He may have seen you look at his body a little longer than usual during your last trip and he admits it made him feel good, even if he wondered why you didn’t say anything because you tend to be vocal about those things.

Taehyung disregards him and pulls out a belt from the drawer as a final touch.

“Wear this.”

“Oh, I forgot I had this,” Jungkook says as he puts it on.

“I bought that for you years ago! Can you appreciate the fancy things I get you and wear them?!”

“Yeah, I will,” Jungkook laughs.

He assesses himself in the mirror and thinks that he looks infinitely better. He feels good in it, too. He’s unsure if being dressed up would do much but he hopes it will, at least in terms of giving him the confidence to drop even bigger hints about how he feels. And then depending on how you react, maybe he’ll confess, too.

He looks back at your trip and the times you’d held his hand - consciously and instinctively - and your moments of silence and comfort that were somehow laced with tension. He’s hopeful that he’s not hopeless when it comes to you.

Taehyung hums in contentment at his friend. He knows that with you, the feelings are new and you’re still getting used to them. A few days on an island where Jungkook was half naked half the time already got you all hot and bothered and made you attentive to how it affected you.

Maybe seeing Jungkook with this mature yet casual look could do something to you, too. And if it’ll help push you to be honest about what you feel, maybe that’s what the two of you really need.

You stare at yourself in the restaurant’s bathroom mirror and think you look good enough for a night at the Club.

You got dragged to a sponsor’s dinner and had to quickly choose what to wear so you could go to the Club for Taehyung’s farewell party right after. You went for a sparkly top and white skirt ensemble paired with blue velvet heels and it makes you feel a little flirty and confident, which is what you need if you want to see where this whole thing with Jungkook could lead.

Not that you expect that anything huge would happen but if you could have moments again, then that wouldn’t be bad. Taehyung gave you a heads up about his hot friends being present and quite frankly, you don’t care. You already know that Jungkook’s the only one you’ll have your eyes on and you’re excited to see him.

You put your hair down then head out. You finish the dinner and get in the car that Taehyung sent for you since he wanted to make sure you got to his party on time, even if you’re punctual and he’s just early. He said he wanted to be with his friends as long as possible. And that he dragged Jungkook with him so you can’t be late.

You aren’t, but when you arrive at the Club, it’s already packed. Taehyung has always been a social butterfly so you didn’t expect any less but still, this is way too many people for your liking.

You make your way in and spot some familiar faces. You heard that there are reserved tables for you and your friends so that’s where you try to go, but Jihyo gets to you first and starts dancing with you.

“Just like college, hey?” She giggles, and you laugh at your memories from those days.

You’re glad you remained friends with her. She always matches your friends’ energy and right now, it’s pretty high, as you spot Jimin and Mo-eum dancing their way towards you.

Jimin hugs you and compliments your look, stating how it feels so girly, a contrast to Jungkook and his leather jacket. Your eyes immediately flit to where he is, and you spot him on the table, laughing with Namjoon as they engage the people who pass by to greet them.

He looks so handsome with his parted hair, especially when he combs it with his fingers like he often does. You see the neckline of his top and that is definitely not a shirt like you expected he’d wear, and your heart does a thing at the thought that he’s in a tank top again. Just the image of him in one gives you the shivers.

He meets your eyes and it takes you a few seconds for it to register, but you manage to smile and wave in time. Hopefully he doesn’t pick up the pattern of you constantly zoning out whenever you look his way.

You manage to get out of your dancing circle and head to the table where your friends are. Namjoon engulfs you in a hug and praises you for a recently published research from your team that he already finished reading. Hoseok and his girlfriend get to you right after, and you quickly get into conversation because it’s been a while since you’ve seen her.

You constantly glance at Jungkook who just sips his drink while chatting with whoever is near him. There’s a tiny smirk on his face after you meet his eyes though, and you see it from your periphery. You wonder if he’s waiting for you to go to him like you are.

It takes a while but you make it around the table after greeting everyone, finally ending up where Jungkook is. He softly smiles at you before giving you a hug and whispering hey. Your body chooses to shiver again in response.

“Hey,” you greet back then look at him from head-to-toe. “Did Tae dress you?”

“Sort of,” Jungkook chuckles. “He told me to change from something else and made me wear the belt and the jacket. Does it suit me?”

You’re unsure if this is a trick question. Or a test. You’re losing your mind over this outfit and he’s fully clothed.

“Yeah,” you nod. “Different from your usual outfits and this is… mature.”

He snorts in response. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You realize the other connotation of what you just said and try to make something up but your brain already isn’t functioning at full capacity so you wave him off.

“Whatever. It means what it means.”

He says something but you can’t hear him over the loud music so he leans closer and whispers in your ear again.

“I said the outfit looks nice on you. It’s very chic.”

“Oh, thanks,” you mutter, feeling the heat on your cheeks. “I, uh, I tried. Tae has hot friends and—”

You stop mid-sentence at the stupidity of your words. Your brain truly isn’t functioning right because you obviously dressed all prettily so the man in front of you would pay attention to you but you go on about Tae’s friends who you don’t even care about instead.

You turn away and curse at yourself internally, unable to properly correct yourself to Jungkook.

“Right, of course,” he replies.

As if by some cosmic occurrence, Taehyung appears next to you and pulls you in a hug. You thank him for the ride and he says his car and chauffeur are there for you should you decide to go home early, which he won’t mind you doing. He steps back and looks at your outfit.

“I like this vibe,” he hums in approval. “Doesn’t she look nice, Kook?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook sips his drink and nods. “I’m sure everyone would think so.”

He doesn’t look you in the eyes, not like what he was doing just a minute ago, and you feel stupid all over again, so you try to get out of it.

“I, uh… bathroom!” You blurt out. “I… I have to go.”

You turn around and scold yourself repeatedly until you find Jimin on the dance floor and pull him to a nearby table.

“Jungkook complimented me and I said I tried to look nice because Tae’s friends are hot and I’m so stupid because why the fuck would I say that!” You yell in one breath. “Is my brain secretly jeopardizing my chances with this man without me knowing? Whose mind is this?! Why is it dumb?”

Jimin, who’s clearly had some to drink and is no doubt endeared by your yapping, chuckles and hugs you.

“Oh, ___. You become a little silly in front of Kook. I think that’s normal.”

“It’s stupid,” you pout.

“It's not the end of the world though. He already thinks you look good.”

“I said his outfit is mature.”

Jimin snorts this time and assures you it’s fine. You probably just need a drink to calm your nerves. It’s a different environment with him this time, at least since you’ve admitted to yourself what you feel, and saying things you don’t exactly mean happens.

“Come. Let’s have a shot.”

Jimin pulls you to the bar and orders you something that might help a bit. Hayoung arrives shortly after and says she needs a drink for Seokjin so he’ll start loosening up and stop clinging to her. You talk a little bit and you glance at Jungkook every chance you get.

He’s talking to Jihyo and your other friends and dancing a bit when they make him. You feel silly for leaving his side and wish you were next to him because even if you’d seen each other a few days ago, it still feels like it’s been so long.

But right when you’re about to head back to him, your hand gets pulled again and you turn to see Gyu-rim dragging you back to the bar.

“I need you. You’re sensible and direct,” she tells you.

“Do you need me, too?” Jimin pops up next to you with his sickly sweet smile.

“No. You give me a headache,” Gyu-rim deadpans, prompting Jimin to giggle and head back to the dance floor.

“Okay. What do you need my brand of sensibility for?” You ask your friend.

“Yoongi hasn’t minded me all night. I need you to tell me it’s normal and I shouldn’t worry.”

“Why would you worry about it?”

Gyu-rim shrugs and looks away.

Yoongi doesn’t always mind people and it’s one of those quirks of his that everyone’s just accepted. Not unless he’s not usually like that with her. Or something happened and he should be minding her. Either way, it’s bothering her, and as someone who usually doesn’t care, Gyu-rim seems to be caring a lot.

And then it hits you.

“Do you… do you like him?”

Gyu-rim’s resting bitch face doesn’t give much until she starts blinking rapidly. Then she nods.

“Oh my god! That’s… that’s amazing,” you squeal. “Wait, this doesn’t have anything to do with Jimin and his pact, right? You can’t have him putting things in your head, Gyu.”

“No—yes, I mean… I liked Yoongi before Jimin ever said anything,” she admits. “Jimin has this weird thing about knowing, I guess. He’s probably an empath or something but the moment he started yapping about that pact shit and teasing us, I started thinking that maybe it’s not just me, that maybe someone else could see… something between me and Yoongi.”

“How’d you know you like him? I mean, you’ve been friends for so long,” you ask, hoping you could get a bit of insight from someone who probably knows what you’re feeling.

“He just always made me smile.”

“But you… you rarely smile,” you furrow your brows.

“Inside, ___,” she groans, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I always smile inside when he’s around. Like, he just makes things better and I don’t know anyone else who does that for me.”

“Can I ask what it was about him that made you feel all this?”

Her lips slowly turn up.

“He can handle all of me, you know? I’m aloof and impatient and uncaring and I have all this baggage but he just lets me be and deals with all that because he just does,” she says, and you see the tiniest of smiles on her face. “I’m never too much for him. And he’s just the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

You smile this time because that’s the Yoongi you know. He’s very accepting of people and he has this quiet warmth about it. But even if it’s something you see in him as well, it’s Gyu-rim who feels differently. And just like you’d told Jungkook before, parts of us adjust around other people and you find someone who fits you right and then you just want to be with them all the time. It’s not very different from how you feel, too.

“Okay, so back to the part about telling you that you shouldn’t worry,” you say. “You shouldn’t worry. This isn’t Yoongi’s crowd nor is it his scene, you know that. And sometimes that makes people uncomfortable. It makes them not think straight. Do you think something’s bothering him though? What were you doing before that?”

“We were drinking last night, just talking about stuff, you know? About growing old and shit and my mom called about some family friend’s son who’s visiting Seoul and that I should bring him around so I did and—”

“Wait, he’s the other guy who was at our table?” You ask.

You remember some unfamiliar dude that you just smiled at then passed by. You didn’t think he was actually with any of your friends.

“Yeah… I mean, where else would I take him? I took him to Co-ex earlier and—”

“What if Yoongi isn’t used to seeing you with another guy anymore? I mean, it’s been a while since you’ve been with someone. Maybe he wants to talk to you but the dude is… there? And he doesn’t want him to feel uncomfortable or Yoongi himself… doesn’t know how to act?”

“Hmm,” she hums. “See, that’s more sensible. Hoseok said Yoongi might be jealous or something.”

“That’s… that’s also possible.”

“No. Stick to what you said,” she frowns. “That’s… that’s more realistic. I don’t want to hope for Yoongi to be jealous because that implies something.”

“Fine. He’s just unsure of how to act because he’s used to things just being you and him. So just talk to him. Don’t give in to his awkwardness. He doesn’t push anyone away so just stay next to him then he’ll give in!”

“Okay then,” she nods. “You know your shit, huh?”

“I just… listen to podcasts, I guess,” you lie.

If she doesn’t believe you, she doesn’t show it. She nods again, buys you a drink, then walks off. You watch her approach Yoongi with a glass of whiskey. They don’t talk at first but you see her try to engage until he finally says something, turns towards her, and then all is normal again.

You pat yourself on the back for handling that rather maturely. But your little triumph ends quickly, as Mo-eum stands next to you at the bar and asks you why you’re there.

“Gyu-rim had a crisis and I helped her with it. She bought me a drink.”

“Oh. I think Yoongi likes her,” Mo-eum says matter-of-factly.

“Oh,” you say in surprise, deciding on keeping mum about what you know.

“But anyway. Back to you. Why are you here instead of where Jungkook is? Don’t you plan on letting him know what you feel?” She asks.

“I… I probably do,” you convince yourself. “I just said something stupid and I’m letting that settle first by not being around him. What do I even say?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who asks the guy you like out,” she shrugs.

“Do I look like I’m confident about this Jungkook thing?!” You exclaim. “I don’t even know what to do or say or if I should even do it now.”

“Do you need a nudge or a push?” She asks. “Because I’ll do it for you.”

You look at her questioningly before she turns your head towards a direction in the Club and there you see it, Jungkook by a cocktail table, talking to a girl.

He’s bending down to hear what she has to say over the music, and she tiptoes to get closer to him. And while it may be totally innocent, just the sight of him being that close with another woman makes your heart sink.

“I, uh…” you stutter, unsure of what to say.

“Jimin said she’s a friend of theirs from middle school so they go way back. And she happens to be a model-actress friend of Tae’s,” Mo-eum explains as she leans back on the bar table. “They just bumped into each other and caught up. Small world, huh?”

“She, uh… She looks happy to see him,” you state.

The woman is laughing and patting Jungkook’s arm and he looks engaged, too. He’s smiling and watching her talk and maybe they’re really just catching up and there’s not much to it. It’s also possible that with all the serendipitous meetings that happen everyday, this might be the one that changes it for them.

Because it happens. Two old friends meet again after years and who knows if they had history? It’s possible that there were hidden feelings and now they’ve matured and can finally express and act on them. Or maybe these grown up versions of themselves are what they need, and you’re just standing by, watching it unfold for both of them.

Your mind’s already conjured so many scenarios, many of them involve Jungkook and the woman holding hands. But you notice him meeting your gaze and you quickly look away.

“She is. I heard they haven’t seen each other in so long,” Mo-eum says. “Imagine seeing a middle school classmate after decades and finding out he’s pretty cute.”

You turn to your best friend with a frown. She’s never provoked you like this.

“What? I’m just saying. She might scoop him up before you even get a chance to tell him you like him. I don’t even know what you’re waiting for.”

“I’m just being cautious,” you reason.

“Hmm. Does caution get you the guy?”

You disregard her question and continue.

“I’m enjoying how we are now without directly talking about feelings,” you add.

“Okay. But are you enjoying now?”

“Clearly not! What the fuck, Mo-eum. I never get jealous. What is this feeling?!”

“It doesn’t feel good, does it?”

You panic inside as the scenarios flash before your eyes again. You may be a bit dramatic but that’s how you are and it’s how you deal with things.

“Okay, I can’t do this,” you say as you start walking to the opposite direction of where Jungkook is.

But Mo-eum pulls you back.

“Yah! Where are you going?”

“Just…” you start, briefly looking at Jungkook again who just happens to meet your eyes every time. “Somewhere. To take a breath. I don’t know. I can’t be around for this.”

“You were already avoiding him. You can’t keep doing that all night,” she sighs. “Didn’t you say that you don’t want to act differently because if you do, he’ll ask you what’s wrong then you’ll end up telling him everything?”

“Exactly! And I can’t… do that at a Club! And not with the image of him with another girl drilled in my mind,” you pout, your head bowing down now.

“___, hey. Look at me,” she says, shifting your body to face her. “That might not even be anything. I’m sorry for putting things in your head. But… you have a chance to spend time with him so take it. You can’t just keep skirting around what you feel when you already know you like him. And I can see that you like him a lot.”

“I do,” you say with furrowed brows and she laughs at how angrily you say it.

“You look like Kook when he eats something really delicious.”

You frown at her teasing and you let her drag you back towards your table where you see Jungkook is now at. With the girl.

Your dramatic ass won’t let the logical part of you win. You don’t care. You’ll go full Yoongi mode tonight.

You stay at the cocktail table next to your friends. Jungkook, you know out of courtesy, introduces you to the woman as a friend from middle school. You greet her as you would any person, and she seems nice and she’s also really pretty.

She gets back into conversation with Hoseok and his girlfriend because they apparently have common social circles. You’re reminded that you live in your bubble with your friends and they’re connected to more people outside of your group. Their talk about fashion and other things that you can’t relate with makes you zone out.

As you’re about to turn to Namjoon next to you, Jungkook approaches your side.

“Hey, ___. Are you—”

“Do you want a drink?” You interject. “I’m heading to the bar right now.”

He looks at you with pursed lips before he answers.

“Just a glass of Coke.”

“Okay. An amaretto sour for me then,” you nod before heading out.

Jungkook watches you make your way to the bar for the nth time in the past two hours or so. He’s barely spoken to you all night and it’s all he’s wanted to do but you’ve been off talking to other people and he’s getting a tiny bit jealous. He was on his way to you when a friend from middle school called him and they got to talking.

Maybe the second time he caught you looking at him before you looked away should have signaled to him that he should just go to you and make sure you don’t get away again but he’s been hesitant all night, and only because you look unsure and uncomfortable. You also did say that you dressed up because Taehyung’s friends are hot and there have been all these mixed signals and he doesn’t know what to do.

When you get back to the table and place the drink in front of him then immediately head to the couch and sit between Hayoung and Seokjin, Jungkook sighs to himself. You’re so pretty tonight and he hasn’t even been able to appreciate that because you’ve been feeling so far away.

“Oh, Kook. Don’t be too sad I’m leaving,” Taehyung says as he appears next to him. “I mean, that’s why you look upset at my farewell party right?”

“It’s too early for that. You literally scheduled to see me every single day next week,” Jungkook playfully shakes his head. “Sorry. You’re not the reason why I’m upset right now.”

“Is it ___?”

“She’s been avoiding me all night. You said this outfit is supposed to make me look irresistible!”

“And you do! I’ve had so many people ask for your number and beg me to introduce them to you but I lied and said you’re dating someone.”

“How does that help me?”

“So no one would tail you!” Taehyung says.

“Doesn’t matter, does it? The one person whose attention I want can’t even stay more than a minute next to me.”

Taehyung can only sigh at his friend.

“She’s seated now. Take the seat in front of her and try again.”

“Okay,” Jungkook says softly.

He always enjoyed it when you just found your way to each other during nights like this but he supposes he’s got to make it happen this time.

So that’s what he does, as he approaches the couch and takes the small chair in front of you. He quickly gets into conversation with Seokjin and Hayoung and he looks at you tenderly, hoping he gets to telepathically tell you that he just wants to be near you.

You suppose you’ve been a little too dramatic tonight. It’s unlike you to be bothered like this, especially since you tend to make the first move because you don’t like wasting your time. But with Jungkook, you just don’t want to screw things up. You don’t want to say things that you’ll regret. But you also don’t want to completely isolate him.

So you smile a little, at least to just acknowledge that he’s there.

Not far away, your three friends congregate.

“So, uh… about those two,” Jimin gestures to where you are. “We said we won’t meddle but we’ll nudge. Can we just push them? The tension is killing me.”

“I know! ___ got jealous when Kook was with your friend,” Mo-eum tells Jimin. “I’m so tempted to tell her she has nothing to worry about.”

“Kook is upset that she’s been ignoring him all night,” Taehyung groans now. “And look at them. They’re just looking at each other like, can one of you just make a move!”

“So… we push?” Jimin smiles.

“I’m gonna shove them towards each other at this point,” Taehyung says.

The three of them approach the couch and it’s at that moment that Seokjin and Hayoung stand up to say that it’s already 12 so they’ll be heading out.

“Okay, Cinderella. I see that Yoongi and Gyu-rim are ready to head out, too,” Taehyung hums. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“I’m… gonna go ahead as well,” you say, deciding right then that you’re too tired from all the emotions of tonight.

You’ll sort yourself out after a shower and then you’ll figure things out from there. Maybe text Jungkook and try to be normal.

“Oh, we can take you home,” Seokjin offers.

“Nope, she’s out of the way!” Taehyung exclaims. “Plus, I told her I’d take care of her ride home. You guys could go ahead. Bye!”

You look at Taehyung curiously. Once your other friends leave, he smiles at you.

“Actually, uh, I made the chauffeur take someone else home because she’s really drunk,” he lies. “So I’m booking you a cab and since it’s late, Kook, can you please go home with her and make sure she’s safe and stuff? You can come back here but I also know you’re tired from a full day of classes under the sun.”

Your eyes widen the entire time Taehyung speaks, and you glare at him in question and disbelief. You want to refuse but Jungkook agrees immediately.

“Sure, uh. If that’s okay with her,” he says, looking at you then quickly turning away.

“Yeah, it should be fine. Nothing we haven’t done before,” you state, trying to sound unbothered.

You go around and say goodbye to the others who are still staying then head down once Taehyung gives you the car details. Jungkook tails you and stands behind you while you wait for the car to arrive.

It’s a little tense, as you’re not used to being awkwardly quiet with him. You’re often talking and making fun of each other after a night out and well, comforting him a few other times. So this feels new and different and not the good kind.

You find ways to distract yourself. You look at the street across from you, turn around to see if any other familiar faces are leaving the Club, and put your hand out to confirm if that’s a drizzle you feel, all the while avoiding Jungkook’s direction. You remember he’s there when he says that the car has arrived, and he opens the door for you before he slides in.

“You good?” He asks.

“Yup,” you respond without looking at him.

You stare out the window and sense him looking at you then look away, which is pretty much how this whole evening has been. You feel the tension thicken and the heat rise to your cheeks. You hate that you’re being like this, especially when you decide to look at him, only to find him turned to the window this time.

You sigh to yourself and know that you have to get your shit together, and just as you’re about to say something, the car stops and you’re already in front of your apartment.

The rain decides to fall at this moment, and when you get out of the car after Jungkook, he hovers his jacket over your head and urges you to start walking. You both run to the building damp from the rain, and you tell him to join you upstairs so you could return his hoodie.

He follows you to his apartment with his jacket in his hands, and right as you enter, there’s a sudden downpour followed by loud thunder. You check the weather forecast and it doesn’t seem like the rain will ease anytime soon.

“Stay the night, Kook,” you say as you turn towards him, feeling genuinely worried now.

“Is that okay with you?” He asks with a tinge of sadness in his eyes.

“Of course,” you say softly, as the guilt of how you’ve been acting overtakes you. “I’ll set up the couch.”

You give him a hanger for his jacket and you both follow your routine whenever he’s over. He retrieves his toothbrush and gray towel from the drawer while you put the sheets on the sofa bed and place his hoodie on top. You shower after he does and see that he’s finished the glass of water you put out for him earlier.

“Are you okay there?” You ask before walking to your bed.

“Yeah, thanks,” he half smiles. “Sleep well, yeah?”

“I will. You, too,” you smile back.

And just like that, you’re gone, and Jungkook has never felt you so far away.

Jungkook lies on the bed that you’ve set up for him, always with the two pillows and the humidifier next to the side table because he’s told you once that he sleeps better when he has one on.

He at least knows through this that you don’t hate him, whatever your reason for that would be. You may have avoided him earlier and may have been quiet throughout the car ride and avoided his gaze every chance you could, but maybe he didn’t make much of an effort to talk to you either. He wasn’t sure how to, and with his feelings intensifying everyday, he just doesn’t know how to go about this the right way.

He could do that now, perhaps break the ice and get even just a small conversation going until you’re both acting normally again. But it’s late and you’re probably tired.

He decides to pull his shit together tonight and build the confidence to talk to you tomorrow, which could lead to him admitting how he feels. With both of you in this weird limbo, it’s hard to act without knowing if he’s crossing a line or staying too far behind it. Without the expectations, he doesn’t know if he’s acting as he should or if there’s more he could do.

Jungkook sighs to himself with all the thoughts running through his mind. He just wants to be next to you, listening to you talk about how your day has been and what weird thoughts and ideas you have again.

He just wants to hold your hand. The few times that you did while you were in Jeju all felt so nice and so natural. He hopes they could last longer and he could savor them this time. He wants to cuddle you, too. You always look so comfortable and he already knows he could get rid of his tiredness and stress if he could just hug you at the end of the day.

But there’s nothing he can do now. You’re probably fast asleep and he wishes he was. If only it wasn’t this hot.

He sits up on the couch and gets a feel of the air, which definitely is not as cold as he expected, given the rain outside. You don’t have a cooling fan in sight and the only air conditioner is the one in your sleeping area, which usually seeps into the living room but it’s not strong enough tonight.

So Jungkook removes his shirt, the one that you lent him, leaving him in just his sweatpants, which he’s also tempted to get rid of. But he keeps that on and lies back down, hoping the air would cool a bit and that being shirtless in your living room isn’t too disrespectful.

Not far away, you’re tossing and turning in your bed. You’re afraid you might have screwed up this time, as you recall the sadness in Jungkook’s eyes as you quickly ended the night.

You didn’t annoy him, didn’t talk to him, and didn’t give him the smile you usually do. The times he went home with you from a night out, you were always comforting him and now, it seems he needs comforting because of you.

You think about talking to him, not wanting to end the night the way you did, with awkward and unsure half smiles and just this uncomfortable feeling of not being right with him.

You briefly hesitate as he might be asleep already, but the sweat on your hairline alerts you of the temperature in your apartment. You sit up and wonder why it feels warm inside despite the rain, but you don’t want to think science right now and instead just turn your air conditioner as low as possible.

And then it hits you.

Jungkook is outside, barely reached by the cool air, and you don’t have any fan out there for him. You know he can’t sleep when it’s hot, so you quickly get up and take the few steps out of your sleeping area to your living room only to stop in your tracks.

Because lying on your sofa bed is Jungkook in nothing but his sweatpants, the rest of his body bare, and his tattooed right arm over his eyes.

He must’ve felt hot and removed his shirt, which you don’t blame him for, so you take the fan underneath your desk then tiptoe towards the other end of the room so you could plug it in.

But right as you do, sparks appear, causing you to shriek in panic. Jungkook wakes up and immediately rushes to you.

“___, what happened?!”

“I tried to plug the fan but there were sparks,” you explain. “Let me try th—”

“Did you feel a shock or something?” He worriedly asks as he takes your hand and massages it.

“I… uh, no. I’m fine,” you reply, settling your eyes on your palm that he continues to rub before lifting your gaze to meet his. “I just wanted to turn the fan on because I know you can’t sleep when it’s hot but…”

Your eyes fall to his very bare chest and you suddenly feel even hotter.

“Now I’m scared something’s up with my wiring,” you continue.

“It could be anything. We can check it out tomorrow,” he suggests. “But don’t worry, I’ll be fine here.”

You know he’s trying to appease you but you don’t want him to sleep uncomfortably. So you suggest something else, something that might feel a bit tense but it might also be what eventually will make things feel normal.

“Or you can, uh, sleep next to me, on my bed,” you say, biting your lip in nervousness. “It’s cold there. The air doesn’t get through here much.”

“Are you sure?” He asks.

“Yeah, Kook. It’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

“Right,” he nods, remembering Sapporo and how it felt being next to you. “Okay then.”

He wears his shirt then follows you to your bed. He lays on one side and waits until you’re lying down as well. He wishes you goodnight and closes his eyes, hoping that would help quell the mix of nervousness and excitement he’s feeling. He needs it to keep himself from blurting everything to you at this hour. Maybe all that could wait.

But something prompts him to open his eyes, perhaps that need to see you again before he falls asleep. And as he turns his head, he sees you lying on your side, the covers tucked under your chin, and you, still wide awake, looking at him.

Jungkook catches you by surprise, prompting you to pull the covers over your head and hide under the blanket, just in case he’s asleep but his eyes are open, which apparently happens.

But he is, in fact, awake because now, he’s attempting to pull the blanket down, as if knocking on your built up wall, asking you to come out.

So you do, as you slowly reveal yourself and find him lying on his side now, too, facing you.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“I, uh,” you start, unsure how to say everything and if you even should at this time. “Yes?”

You wanna apologize for how weird you’ve been but that also means you’d have to tell him you like him, and that also means explaining how you got to this point and then saying what you want to happen now.

You’re not even sure if he feels the same way, so you’re now also thinking of what to say in that situation. You basically made it impossible for him to cop out because he’s literally about to sleep next to you, and now you feel stupid for even making him stay.

But you also can’t go on longer being this awkward around him. It doesn’t feel right. And now that he’s here, you’re able to see him up close again, which you’ve been wanting to do all night. And you just—

“You’re not hard to read, you know that, right?” Jungkook chuckles as he settles in his position more comfortably. “Your face has like, a dozen expressions all at once.”

“I just…” you start, your mind bouncing from one thought to another, being pulled to different scenarios and scripts of how you’re going to go about this.

You sit up from the bed and lean against the frame.

Your face distorts and this prompts Jungkook to laugh again. He sits up and faces you.

“So, are you gonna share even just one of the million things that are in your head right now?” He asks.

“Fine,” you groan, knowing that there’s really no other way but to go through it.

You’re just gonna have to face the consequences of what you’re about to say, whatever it is. And that could include kicking yourself out of your own apartment out of embarrassment.

“I know it seemed like I avoided you all night and well, I did,” you start.

“Yeah, you did,” he hums. “I wasn’t sure what I did. I wanted to ask you and—”

“You did nothing wrong. It was all me,” you shake your head. “I said something stupid early on and I was just trying to get my shit together and then I saw you with that… friend of yours from middle school and I… got scared. And then I just acted weird all night. It was really silly.”

“Why were you scared?”

“I believe in serendipitous encounters. And that felt like one. One that could… lead to something more,” you say softly, like a whisper, afraid to manifest it into the world.

“And why would that matter?”

You close your eyes and think that this is it. Of all the times that you asked a guy out because you told them you were interested in them, none of those made you feel nervous. This time, you’re feeling every possible emotion all at once and you just want Jungkook to keep you steady.

“Because I… feel… something… for you…” You stutter, avoiding his eyes because you’re unsure if you want to know his reaction or not.

“Care to elaborate?” Jungkook asks, not wanting to rejoice just yet and instead bask in this feeling of being on the cusp of something more with you. That’s if you mean what he hopes you mean.

“It’s, uhm…” you try again, knowing you’re gonna have to suck it up.

You mentally smack yourself in motivation. Better to just say it all out here than delaying it.

“I guess it started with a moment when something felt different. And then I woke up the next day and I was just thinking about you, wondering how your day’s been and then wanting to hear you actually talk about it,” you ramble. “And then I thought, oh I want to actually see him, and then I do and then suddenly my heart’s doing this weird thing that it’s never done around you and then I’m clammy and nervous but also… happy? And then I try to look at you but I can’t because now you’re like, attractive to me and I never thought that before and–”

“Wow, way to tell me I’m ugly,” he teases to mask how nervous and excited he is, even with everything you’d just said that also makes him want to leap for joy.

“No! That’s not what I mean,” you backtrack, smacking his chest and then apologising when he yelps in pain, although you doubt he actually felt that, but you say sorry anyway. “What I meant was that you’re obviously objectively handsome but that… that’s never affected me before but now it does and–”

“How is it affecting you now?” He pushes.

“It’s making me giddy!” You yell, surprising you and him, but you continue. “Like, fuck you’re handsome but also, since when were you this handsome and what the hell am I supposed to do about it? And so when a girl is next to you, giggling and touching your arm, I’m like, of course she also thinks he’s handsome and then they’re gonna hold hands and date and shit and that makes me irrationally upset and like my tummy wants to explode and– stop smiling!”

“I’m sorry I just…” he smiles softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call me handsome. It’s just nice to hear you say that.”

His heart melts at the pout you give him, and he just wants to get to the part where he confesses his feelings but he also can’t get enough of you rambling like this.

“So, when have you started feeling this way?” He asks.

“Jeju,” you mumble. “Maybe before that. Probably on the plane or something, I don’t know but… yeah,” you continue, looking away and sighing.

He’s drawn this out so much and you internally smack yourself again because you definitely did not think this through.

“Look, if you don’t feel the same way, it’s totally fine. I can handle rejection. Let’s probably buy some more alcohol because I don’t have enough and I would need a lot so I could pass out and forget this ever happened,” you blurt out. “And then I’m just gonna have to not show my face to you for a while but I’ll get over it, really.”

“Why would I want that?” He asks, his earlier cheeky expression now replaced with an incredulous one. He nudges your knee so you’d look at him. “And why do you think I’d reject you?”

“Because!” You smack his chest again in reflex. “Accepting the worst is my way of coping. And you’re not even saying anything. You just keep asking questions. Are you a researcher? You’re not, so why do you keep–”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He raises his hands in submission but flashes you a shy smile. “I’m not doing this right. I guess I just wanted to hear you ramble about how much you like me.”

“Why?” You ask, crossing your arms.

“It makes me think I’m not crazy, since I feel the same way.”

“What?!” You yell again, something you realise is a defense mechanism of yours this time to drown out the sound of your beating heart that he can probably hear.

“I feel all of that - wanting to know how you are, wanting to see you, then wanting to see you again, feeling my heart do these weird things whenever you smile at me or pinch my cheek or lean your head on my shoulder,” he explains, and now he’s the one who can’t look at you in the eyes. “I woke up one morning and just had you on my mind. The whole day,” he continues.

“Since when?”

“Sapporo. Maybe before that. Probably when you stood up to my ex or something,” he echoes your words.

“That was half a year ago, Kook,” you say, the reality hitting you that he already liked you when you started getting confused. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, I was dropping hints,” he admits. “Driving you around, saying that I want to spend more time with you, texting you… I even sent you that sunrise picture from the school trip and said that Jeju was better and well, I assumed you knew it was because we watched it together then.”

“I…” you try, although you’re unsure what to say.

In hindsight, he was doing a little more than usual, but you were blinded by what was normal for you and didn’t want to delude yourself, even as you were thinking of all the worst possible outcomes.

“And I didn’t wanna risk it,” he adds. “I mean, it was a risk keeping it either way. You could one day just say you like some guy you met at a cafe because, well, you believe in whirlwind romances and serendipitous encounters, like you said. But I also thought to let you settle into me, you know? The way I learned how to settle into you. And maybe prepare myself for a possible rejection in case you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Well, I confessed first,” you point out. “Were you gonna tell me if I didn’t?”

“Yeah like, tomorrow morning or something,” he laughs. “The feelings just kept growing. But I didn’t want you to feel pressured or anything. I still value our friendship, even if I want more.”

“Well, I don’t feel pressured to like you back given what you feel since, well, that’s what I feel, too.”

“Good,” he chuckles, thinking how ridiculous but so on-brand your confession to each other is. “So does this mean we’re dating?” He cocks an eyebrow, wanting to now jump to that part where he gets to express all that he feels to you in different ways.

“I guess,” you shyly nod, then giggle when his smile causes his nose to scrunch and his eyes to sparkle under the moonlight. “That’s the logical next step, right?” You ask, slowly inching your legs closer to him.

“It is,” he nods, shortening the distance between both of you this time, even if he’s still in disbelief that this is really happening. “Is there any other logical next step we should take? Like, I don’t know, kiss or something?”

“Ah, so that’s what you want to get to right away,” you laugh.

“It’s just one of those things that I woke up one day and thought to myself I wanted to do,” he admits. “And hold your hand, stuff like that.”

“Yeah, me too,” you respond, biting your lower lip in response to how his eyes keep darting to them.

“Okay then, that settles it,” he says, his voice now low that it causes your stomach to tangle in knots, especially when he leans closer to gently boop his adorable nose against yours.

“Still wanna get drunk and forget about all this?” He teases as he looks you in the eyes.

“Depends on how well you kiss,” you tease back.

“Oh,” he grunts. “You’re gonna challenge me like that, huh?”

His look turns lustful as he shifts his body and slowly lowers you to lie on your back. He hovers over you with his one arm above your head while the other gently lays on your waist.

Much as you want to push his buttons, especially with the obvious hunger in his eyes, there’s still that tinge of softness that you hold onto.

“Definitely not a night I’d want to forget,” you whisper. “You can kiss me now.”

He savors your features, and much as he’d wanted to hungrily kiss you all over just seconds ago, you look so soft that he wants you to experience all his gentleness tonight.

And that’s what he does, as he delicately places his lips against yours and he feels you smile into the kiss.

It’s wholesome and languid, as if you’re testing the waters and convincing yourselves that this is really happening. It’s like you’re slowly familiarizing yourself with what could be your everyday, but it’s hypnotic just the same.

He pulls away and all he sees is this tenderness in your eyes that he’s never seen on you before. You thumb his cheek as your eyes map his face and he’s overwhelmed by how much you’re savoring him. The gentleness after all your intensity is what he likes most about you and he gets to see and experience that up close.

You pull him for a kiss now and it’s deeper, hungrier, as you take control this time. Your tongue seeks entrance, something he immediately grants, and you moan at the pleasure, at the high it gives.

Because that’s what kissing him feels like, like you’re up in the air, your mind dazed yet filled with so many thoughts and nothing all at once. Your hands travel to his back and you pull him down while you push against him, feeling his body react to this intimacy, to this intensity. You feel like you’re running out of air but that you also can’t live without this.

And then you’re able to breathe and you feel empty and full at the same time. And really, really giddy. Your heart is racing from all that. Jungkook kisses you so good, you want to do it over and over again.

You pull away and kiss his cheeks. He giggles before removing himself from you then lays on his side. He props himself on his right arm and you turn to face him.

“This is weird,” you say.

“You say that after kissing me like that?” He asks incredulously. “You’re really something, huh?”

“Excuse me, what does that mean?” You gasp.

“Just seemed like you enjoyed it a lot,” he teasingly shrugs.

“Yeah, and it seemed like it got you excited, too.”

You gesture down and he laughs. You definitely felt his dick poke your belly earlier and you’re proud of yourself for being able to keep it together.

“Can’t help it. I mean, I’ve been thinking of doing that for a while,” he says so casually, and it makes your heart race once more. “But I guess it might take some getting used to. You’ve always been affectionate to me in a playful, let-me-annoy-Jungkook type of way,” he laughs.

“And you’ve always been affectionate to me in a let-me-help-this-helpless-woman type of way,” you laugh back.

“I guess massaging your weak legs and giving you piggyback rides give off that vibe,” he hums. “That changes now, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” you smile then kiss his lips again. “I’ll have you know that I’m very affectionate. I… I need to feel it, too.”

“I know,” he says, softly brushing your cheek. “And I’ll always give that to you.”

“Good,” you say, yawning now.

He chuckles at your sleepy eyes. He lays on his back and nudges you to hug him. You do, and you start talking about what you’ll do tomorrow until you fall asleep mid-sentence.

Jungkook laughs again. It’s just like Sapporo, but tonight is so much better, he thinks, as he wraps his arm around your shoulder and you snuggle even closer to him.

He’s settled in this home and so have you, and he can’t be any happier.

You wake up with the sun in your eyes, and you think it might be really up there by now for it to be this bright.

You lift yourself to look at Jungkook, still adorably sleeping and you’re reminded that last night really happened, and you’re not imagining things anymore.

You smile to yourself at how it all unfolded and that regardless of how, you got here, and you really don’t wanna screw this up.

You turn to the other side and try to get off the bed for your morning routine, but strong hands pull you, flushing your back to his taut chest. You’re engulfed in his arms now and you sink into it even if you say you’re gonna heat up water for the coffee.

“Coffee can wait,” Jungkook mumbles in your ear, as he lays his leg over yours, giving you no chance to get away.

And you don’t really want to, not when he’s holding you like this and his morning raspy voice is giving you the shivers.

“But I wanna face you,” you whine.

So he loosens his hold and you turn around to face him, only to be suffocated by his chest so you complain again that you can’t breathe.

“Make up your mind,” he groans, but you just laugh and adjust yourself despite him tightly wrapping his arms around you.

And it’s nice, you think, how despite the initial weirdness of being intimate with a person you’ve only been platonically affectionate towards for years, this moment feels natural. It feels comfortable and safe and a place that you could easily slot yourself into and it’ll feel right.

You shift again so you could look at him, this time with the sunlight brushing his face and he looks just as beautiful. You don’t fight the urge and you kiss his cheek, then his jaw, then his neck. He’s groaning then giggling in response and he tickles you in retaliation so you bite his nose and he groans even louder.

“Did you just bite my nose?!” He looks at you incredulously.

“Couldn't help it,” you reply with your puppy eyes that he’s so weak for. “It’s so cute.”

“I never knew if you were just making fun of me or what,” he chuckles.

“I’m endeared by it,” you state. “Like, I just want to squish your face all the time. And now I want to keep kissing it, too.”

“Kissing’s good,” he hums.

You smile at him, kiss his lips, then scurry off the bed to heat water and wash up in the bathroom.

Jungkook finally lets you go and laughs to himself at how silly he feels over wanting to hold you a bit longer, even if he’d done it the entire night. He woke up to your kisses and there was no better way to start the day, and he’s afraid to get used to this because he knows he’ll keep looking for it.

But he can think about that later on. Right now is what matters and being able to act how he wants around you and express what he feels is freeing. He can still tease and make fun of you then hold you right after.

He stretches his arms as he familiarizes himself on your bed. He looks around and gets to take in your space, the one you’d quickly let him into.

You have enough plants in your sleeping area and he knows it’s Mo-eum who comes over to make sure they’re all alive. You have some art pieces that he knows Taehyung got for you, and there are some cute and playful trinkets that Jimin buys you for fun.

He sighs at his absence until he spots it - the snow globes he bought for you during your Sapporo trip, perched on the shelf of your desk next to a group picture in the snow.

You made space for him, he thinks, and he knows you’ll keep doing that to each other from now.

His thoughts are disrupted when his phone starts to ring and he sees that there’s a group call incoming so he picks it up. Taehyung looks like he’s on a boat, Jimin is in his car, and Mo-eum is at her parents’ house, as Jungkook can hear them bickering in the background.

“Oh, Kook picked up,” she chirps. “I wonder if ___ is still asleep.”

Jungkook disregards her comment and instead asks what everyone is up to. They share where they are and Taehyung says he just wants to check up on his friends after his party, which he does all the time.

“Where’s ___?” Jimin asks this time. “She did say she got home last night. Speaking of which, Kook! What happ—”

“Were you looking for me?” You ask, as you pop up on the screen cuddled next to Jungkook.

It takes a while for it to process but you slowly see your friends’ faces turn from curious to surprised.

“Oh my god, are you two fucking?!” Jimin exclaims.

“Better. We’re, uh, we’re dating,” you say, giggling shyly.

“Fucking finally!” Jimin yells. “I knew it was gonna happen. My senses are never wrong.”

“See, ___. You had nothing to worry about seeing Kook with a girl last night!” Mo-eum adds.

“I actually lied about my driver taking home a drunk friend last night,” Taehyung smirks. “We needed a way for both of you to be alone.”

“Oh my god, you’re all so dramatic,” you playfully roll your eyes. “Well, thanks for scheming then. It rained and my fan sparked and I told him he could sleep on my bed and I got all weird then boom, we’re here!”

“That’s… one way to put it,” Jungkook laughs. “But yeah, she confessed first and here we are.”

You pinch Jungkook in response and he yelps in pain, but you do express your agreement.

“Who’d have known he’s been crushing on me for months, huh?” You shrug.

“I did,” Taehyung exclaims. “Kinda sensed it in Japan but I didn’t ask him until after.”

“What the— well, you were kinda sus,” you hum.

“You mean like, leaving you to your alone time? Making Kook give you a piggyback ride? Yes I was,” your friend laughs.

“Well, now you can stop ogling him in secret and just do it shamelessly,” Jimin smirks. “Kook, did you know she was losing her mind over your body in Jeju? She even hit her head on the boat because she panicked seeing you half naked.”

“Park Jimin, you fucking brat,” you cuss him, earning you his sickly sweet teasing smile.

“Oh, so that’s why,” Jungkook says. “I thought you were just perpetually zoning out.”

“She was. Because you were half naked!” Mo-eum reiterates.

“Okay guys, I think he got the message,” you groan at your friends.

“Hmm. I didn’t know all that. Let’s do something about that later then,” Jungkook whispers in your ear.

Your cheeks heat up and you shyly smile, prompting Taehyung to state that you’re being freaky already.

“Oh shush. You were all pushing for this,” you counter.

“Yes, we were. You both looked like idiots from this side,” Taehyung laughs. “But thanks to the universe, I guess. We were trying hard not to meddle.”

“Well, you pushed a bit but this still happened,” you say softly now. “We’re uh, still getting used to it and it literally just happened last night.”

“So… are you announcing it to everyone during Tae’s lunch tomorrow?” Jimin asks.

“I will if you won’t,” Taehyung states, and you laugh and say that how you’ll act will give it away anyway.

“Okay, then. That’s another celebration on the list,” he smiles. “Well, I better go. I just wanted to check if our nudging last night resulted in something and it did. See you guys tomorrow!”

You drop the call, not without Jimin smirking and teasing and praising the heavens right before it ends. You and Jungkook laugh and share that that’s exactly how you expected the call with your friends would go.

“So… you have a thing for my body, huh,” he teases.

“It’s not so bad,” you nonchalantly hum. “But hey, that was literally the last thing I noticed, okay? I like you for your heart. And your cute nose.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” he laughs.

You kiss his cheek before pulling him off the bed.

“I heated water for our coffee. I like how you make it,” you smile sweetly.

“Okay, Princess,” he teases. “I’ll make us coffee, then.”

You decide to head out for lunch at a cafe right after. It feels natural going on a ride with Jungkook, laughing and talking throughout the drive that he insisted on doing, and then choosing different dishes so you could try more things.

Even holding his hand feels natural, even if it’s something quite new. You reach out and he’s right there, looking for you, too.

He’s also used to how you are whenever you’re out. You turn to him to ask about a store you want to check out and he’s dragging you there a second later. You go to the supermarket and start blurting things you want to eat and he’s putting ingredients in the cart right after. You pass by a dessert stall and he gives in with just your smile.

It’s barely been a day but this already feels like a dream. You think that throughout your friendship, he’s always been the attentive and dependable one. You don’t doubt that he’ll continue being those things now that you’re dating, but you also wonder how you’ll be. You could only hope you could be someone he could depend on, too.

You return to your apartment and unload your groceries. You decide to head over to his place to spend the night, so you pack some clothes and drive there. You’ve been there a few times but now you get to settle in it, too.

He tells you to sit on his couch once you arrive while he cleans up his room. He obviously didn’t expect all this, and he wants to make sure you’re comfortable in his bed later on.

You offer to help but he doesn’t let you, so you watch from your seat as he goes in and out, taking out his sheets to launder, vacuum cleaning the floors, and putting on the humidifier with the patchouli scent that you like.

Jungkook is larger than life in the simplest and purest of ways. You remember a conversation you had months ago about how you both change lives differently. You do yours through research that affects programs and policies while he does it one student at a time. You give your whole self to every project that lasts months or years, while everyday, Jungkook shows up for his kids to teach or to just be there for them.

He possesses a quiet passion that’s constant and unchanging. It’s comforting in its persistence, as evidenced by how he stood by you as a friend all these months, even if he had already felt differently. It’s one you feel blessed to have witnessed all these years, and you’re now at the cusp of receiving it, as you already know that he will be exactly what you need him to be at any moment.

This is when the fear creeps in and you’re new to this. When it comes to your relationships, you don’t think this much. It’s the one aspect of your life that’s dictated by feelings alone so once it stops feeling right, you cop out.

But you don’t want to do that this time, not with Jungkook who deserves so much, and you start to question your worthiness.

“Your mind’s going places again,” he says, disrupting your thoughts.

There’s no teasing tone this time, but a bit of worry and comfort.

“Do you wanna share them with me?”

You nod, knowing that if there’s anyone who’d understand and assure you, it would be him.

“Come, sit on my lap,” he says, as he takes a spot on his couch.

“Why?” You ask.

“Because if it’s as serious as it looks, then I wanna make sure I get to hold you when you talk about it,” he answers. “And if, for some reason you wanna walk out that door because you’re scared or something, I could at least hold you down and make you stay. Because I really want you to, regardless of what you’re thinking.”

You nod, realizing that he could see right through you. So you take up his offer and climb on his lap.

“I’m… I’m a lot to handle, Jungkook.”

“I know,” he smiles.

“Kook, I mean it. I get chaotic and unhinged. I complain a lot, all the time. I have moments of shutting out and shutting down and I get so into my job and I let it get to me and I…” you explain.

Your heart races at the expression of all your flaws and vulnerabilities. Jungkook has seen these sides of you but to have him see them up close? To be at the receiving end of those? It’s quite terrifying.

“I’m just a lot,” you finish, bowing your head in shame.

“Why do you think I like you?” He questions, tilting your chin to face him. “It’s because of all those. And the fact that you’re fiercely loyal and unapologetic and funny and gentle and caring. You’re a good person so yeah, you’re… a lot, whatever that means for you. For me it just means that you’re… you. And I like all of that. That’s why I’m here, you know?”

You go from smiling to wanting to cry. None of your partners ever assured you that way, but you suppose you were never scared enough to let them know the things you fear or worry about. You were never that open or honest. You weren’t sure if you trusted them enough to accept all the vulnerable and raw parts of who you are, and things ended before they could reveal themselves.

“Plus, you’re not the only one,” he continues. “Do you think you can handle me?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You chuckle.

“I’m a lot to handle, too, ___. I tease a lot and I get reckless sometimes. I live life the way I want and do whatever I want. I shut out and shut down just like you but I also get clingy and I… like having the attention of the person I like. I can get insecure and jealous sometimes and I hate it,” he admits. “And I feel too much but I’m not good at expressing that, especially in words.”

“You just did though,” you point out.

“Not all the time. But even then, I could be a lot for another person, I know that. So whatever you’re worrying about, I worry about that, too.”

“I just don’t wanna freak you out. And I don’t want to freak myself out.”

“We’ve known each other for years and I know dating a friend isn’t really your thing. But being friends for as long as we have means I’ve seen so many sides of you and I’ve adjusted to who you are and I’ll keep on doing that, the same way you’ve adjusted around me and will continue to,” he assures you. “You’re not gonna freak me out, ___. You’re already everything that I want.”

“Okay,” you say softly, feeling like you can breathe lighter with every assurance he gives.

“But how are you freaking yourself out?”

“Because this is all new, Kook,” you say. “I always feel so intensely and then the fire runs out but with you I… I feel everything, the intense and the not so intense feelings. There’s this desire for you, like I wanna rip your clothes off and do things to you but I also feel endeared by you like I just wanna keep you in my pocket and make sure nothing hurts you. I admire you for so many things and I want you to achieve everything you want in life. I wanna take care of you but I want you to take care of me, too.”

He chuckles then smiles then softens at your words. They sound exactly like you, and he wishes he can say everything the way you can, because he feels all those things just the same.

“There’s so much more I feel that I can’t even put into words, like they just came out of nowhere but they also feel so familiar because you’re comfortable, Kook. You’re my comfort and I’ve just never felt this way before,” you add. “I’m afraid to lose you, and it just all hit me today and that… that freaks me out because I don’t want to let you down.”

“And you won’t. I mean, it’s a relationship, ___. Things will get hard and there’ll be disagreements and challenges but we’ll get through them together, okay? You’re my comfort, too, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t plan on screwing this up.”

“Me, too,” you shyly smile. “I really like you. Like, holy shit, I really do.”

“That’s nice to know,” he chuckles, enjoying the way you’re so honest about this. “I do, too.”

His hands that were holding yours drift to your side, caressing your thighs then making their way to your hips to pull you closer. His eyes turn lustful as they flit to your lips and you just know your eyes mirror them, as the intense desire gradually overtakes you.

You kiss him so deeply that you feel it everywhere. Your mind screams of how much you want him, your heart is beating insanely fast, your skin burns with pleasure at his touch, especially when his hands sneak under his hoodie that you’re wearing, and you feel all that and more in your cunt, pooling in essence and desiring him even more.

But you stay right where you are, wanting to be able to control the emotions so they don’t control you, wanting to be sure you don’t get lost in all of it that you’re unable to pay attention, to appreciate, to savor.

You pull away, your glassy eyes meeting his, and he smiles softly at you and you know he understands. You hug him tightly and you both stay there, letting the gentleness take over this time.

Jungkook prepares dinner not long after. He makes his version of makguksu, making sure yours caters to your low tolerance of spicy things, and bakes pork belly in the oven.

You watch him work around the kitchen, feeling your heart swell at just seeing him be him. It almost makes you feel silly that everything he does triggers something in you - either a cuteness aggression or intense desire - but it does.

You suppose if you’d paid attention much sooner, you would’ve been losing your mind a long time ago but then again, you probably wouldn’t have been the right person for him then. The thought terrifies and comforts you. You’re reminded of what Hayoung told you in that cafe during your Jeju trip, about wanting to be the right person for each other at the same time.

There’s a lot of fear you’re bringing with you and Jungkook mentioned earlier about the baggage he carries after his failed relationships. Without saying it, you made another unspoken promise to each other of letting all those go.

“You okay?” He asks you as you’ve zoned out on him again.

“Yes, just thinking of how much I like you,” you beam at him before hugging him and kissing his cheek.

“You’re cute,” he giggles then kisses your lips.

You feel hot all over again and it’s this mixed feeling of desire and endearment all at once. You suppose it’s something you’re gonna have to get used to, and you wouldn’t mind it at all.

He lets you taste your sauce and you insist that a hint of more heat won’t hurt, so he adds a tiny squirt and sets that aside. He serves the meat on a tray and lets you take your seat. He brings out a whiskey bottle, the one you got him from Sapporo, pouring you a glass each.

“A memento of our friendship,” he says, echoing your words from not long ago.

“I…” you start, laughing at the memory. “I meant that. But I also hoped I didn’t draw a line that day.”

“Not necessarily. And I knew what you meant,” he smiles. “But our friendship got us here, ___. That would always mean so much to me, even if we didn’t end up dating.”

“I feel the same, Kook,” you smile back.

Dinner ends and you insist on cleaning up. You watch a scary movie that has you seated between his legs and curled in his arms. Once it’s over, you’re panting in fear but like you always say, it’s part of the experience. You’re glad that now includes hiding and screaming on his chest when it gets intense, and then laughing about how you reacted right after.

Once you’ve washed up, you enter his bedroom and wait for him to finish with his shower. You look around his room and spot the shelf with photos and mementos. There are some class pictures and a few with the teams he coached over the years; there are several with your friends dating back to college, too.

And then there are the Teacher of the Year awards and thank you letters from his students. You smile at these, as you’re reminded just how much this vocation means to him. You point them out once he returns to his room and you see him blush when you read out some of his students’ words of praise.

“Are you good with little kids, too?” You wonder out loud as you settle on his bed.

“I substitute for the first graders sometimes,” he hums. “They like me a lot. They run to me when I do yard duty during recess.”

“Hmm. I hope I don’t see that.”

“Why?” He asks.

“I might fall for you even more. I can only like you so much, Kook,” you say.

There’s a hint of playfulness there but you also sound like it’s a real problem, and this makes him laugh. You’re endearing when you’re this expressive, and he only hopes he could express just as much as you do.

“I don’t see how that’s a bad thing,” he hums. “I’d like that actually.”

You smile in response, knowing that’s not far from happening.

Like you expected, liking him isn’t hard, and it hit you like a freight train today that you’re feeling so much more for him than you thought you would. He may have liked you first but you definitely fell into the deep end pretty quickly and pretty hard, and you’re learning that despite the initial worries, it doesn’t scare you that much anymore. You’re diving into this head first, and it’s also why you’re trying to pace yourself, trying not to drown in all that you feel.

He turns off the light then switches on the lamp on his bedside. You lie in bed and wait for him to lie next to you, but then he stops himself.

“So uh, I usually sleep without a shirt on,” he informs you.

“I don’t see how that’s a bad thing,” you echo his words.

“Okay. I just wanna make sure you won’t faint or anything,” he shrugs. “I mean, you did admit how much you liked seeing me half naked and stuff. Then again, I can do CPR but I’d rather kiss you while you’re conscious.”

You laugh at his teasing and feel the heat rise to your cheeks, especially when he finally removes his shirt and blesses you with a sight that you definitely have been thinking about.

He’s left with just his boxers on and you can’t help but eye him up and down and bite your lip in the process. It’s different being able to desire him openly and up close. It’s also different seeing him embrace it, as he smirks at you while watching you obviously lust over him.

So you play along.

“I think I’ll be fine,” you tease back. “I mean, I can do that, too.”

You remove your shirt and you watch him visibly gulp at the sight he’s never actually seen before - you, bare, on his bed, in nothing but your cloth shorts.

You cock your eyebrow at him as if challenging him to do something. And you really hope he does.

His lips part as his eyes gaze at your swell breasts. The way he’s looking at you makes you shiver and you feel it everywhere. Your now pert nipples definitely do, and it seems that he’s taken notice, too.

“Hey, keep yourself together,” you tease now. “I can’t do CPR so please remain conscious.”

“I’ll try,” he mumbles, as he makes his way towards you on the bed.

There’s hunger in his eyes and you feel it when he cups your cheek and kisses you fervently. You moan into the kiss but you don’t move, letting your body take in all that desire and spread all over you instead. You remain unmoving, even when he starts kissing down your jaw, then your neck, then down the valley between your breasts.

You know he senses you panting though, but that just urges him to do it slowly, grazing his tongue against your skin and leaving a trail towards your buds. He sucks your nipple, then moves over to the other one, all while he keeps himself steady on the bed with his knees, his one hand loosely holding onto your waist.

He’s slow and gentle, as if he wants to take his time and savor this, too. Perhaps he can sense the pace you want to go and he’s going along with it.

You’re holding yourself back from jumping on him and doing everything right now but you’re learning that it’s not that hard. Sure, the desire to lay down and have him kiss you all over your body until he’s sliding inside you is there, but it’s one you can manage. You want to settle into all this first, and you think he knows that.

He kisses you along the path he took earlier until he’s back on your lips, then he pulls away and boops your nose.

“Hmm. I survived,” he says, prompting you to giggle.

He finally lies down and you do the same. He pulls you close to him and faces you.

“You’re cheeky, aren’t you?” He chuckles. “And unfair. You’ve seen me shirtless so many times so you already knew what to expect.”

“Doesn’t mean my reaction would be any different,” you hum. “Plus, there’s literally no other reason for you to see my boobs before today. But I’ll have you know, this is the quickest I’ve ever shown them to anyone.”

“That’s nice to know,” he laughs. “And it’s an honor. Thank you. They’re very beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like them.”

He laughs again and you like that despite this very new thing you both have going on, the comfort and playfulness haven’t gone away. You’re just bolder and flirtier now and that’s the fun part of it.

He props himself on his right arm as you talk deep into the night. You continue your narrations of the past trips you’ve had, starting from Chungbuk last fall when you spent a lot of time together, to Sapporo in winter when things had already changed for him, and then to Jeju not long ago when things had changed for you.

The more you talk, the more everything makes sense. You used to be so averse to the idea of falling for a friend because the progression of feelings over time didn’t really make sense to you. Like your friends said, whirlwind romances were all you knew.

But being friends with Jungkook allowed both of you to get to know each other with no ulterior motive or hidden desire. It was pure and natural and you suppose that’s how you learned to adjust to each other, to understand each other, and to know how to be what the other person needs.

The whole time you talk, his hand mindlessly caresses your bare torso and takes your hand. You can laugh and tease each other and remain where you are. It lets you pay attention to the sound of his laugh, to how his eyes sparkle, to the dip on his cheek when he smiles, and to how gentle and caring he is.

You fall asleep against his chest and in tangled limbs with your heartbeat on pace with his.

Jungkook wakes up to the sight of you still bare next to him with your arms bent upwards. You look endearing, even if that arm hit his face in the middle of the night.

He laughs to himself. It was bound to happen at one point; he just didn’t think it would be this early.

You’re still in deep sleep and it allows him to bask in this moment with you. There are no inhibitions and worries, just a whole lot of feelings. Tempered in its physical expression they may be, Jungkook feels all of it from his end and from yours.

It’s what he always liked about you, too - that you feel so much and you’re not afraid to show it. You’re giggly and excited around him, blurting out that you like him when you have the chance. It doesn’t really diminish it for him because words carry so much weight for you, and he appreciates it every time you say it.

He hopes he gets to express everything he feels for you. Maybe not in the exact same way but in ways that matter.

You moan in your sleep and turn towards him, reaching out because you always need something to hug, so he pulls you close and you pull him in. Flushed against his chest with a bit of room to breathe, you settle in his hold.

He lets you stay there and he smiles to himself. He’d only dreamt of all this not long ago, and now he gets to live it.

You wake up not long after with kisses on his chest up to his neck before you face him.

“Good morning,” you mumble. “Did you sleep well with my half naked self?”

“Yes, I did,” he laughs. “You hit my face though. That’s a first.”

This wakes you up completely and you look at him in apology.

“Don’t tell me I hit your nose.”

“You did,” he nods. “But hey, I can now say I’m one of the guys.”

“Oh no,” you pout, kissing it. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re good. It’s one of the relationship hazards I was very much aware of,” he laughs. “And I don’t mind at all. I mean, I get to wake up to this.”

You’re lying on your back now and your breasts still make his breath hitch. He kisses them again and he loves the way you heave when he does. He can imagine how much more you’ll react once he kisses other parts of you that he’s been yearning for but the time will come, he thinks.

He’s following your pace, he reminds himself. Perhaps you need to settle into the other intimate acts and he doesn’t mind, not when he gets to experience a different kind of intimacy with you. Such as right now.

Such as walking to his bathroom and brushing your teeth and washing your faces together. And sharing kisses in between drinking the coffee he prepares. And zipping up your dress and hearing you tell him you like how he looks in jeans and a shirt. And having moments of silence then bursting in laughter over some memory while holding hands in the car on your way to lunch.

You and Jungkook let go of each other before entering Taehyung and Seokjin’s parents’ house. You decide you’ll announce your relationship when something related to it comes up, so you shush your friends who do know when they come up to greet you.

You take your seats next to each other on the dining table and look at the local food spread that you know Taehyung will be missing. You control your smile whenever Jungkook passes you a dish or puts food on your plate and you stop yourself from doing the same but then decide it shouldn’t matter so you do it, too.

This is normal between all of you, including leaning on his shoulder because of how good everything is. No one seems to be thinking any different, until the conversation leads to last Friday and what everyone was up to.

Mo-eum and Jimin talk about closing the Club at 4AM and then riding with Taehyung to his friend’s house for his day trip at the lake. Suhyeon shares that she got surprisingly drunk and dragged her boyfriend to the playground where they got soaked in the rain. Namjoon danced all night then fell asleep on Hoseok’s couch.

And then there were the early leavers - Yoongi had coffee with Gyu-rim then drove her home, and Hayoung craved kalguksu so Seokjin made it for her. Your cousin asks you if you slept right away after you got home since you didn’t look that well, prompting laughter from the younger ones, including Jungkook.

“Actually, it was a funny thing that happened,” you start. “Tae, uh, booked me a car and asked Kook to come home with me then it rained hard so I told him to stay over but it was hot so I plugged the fan but it created a spark so I told him he could sleep on my bed… and then I told him I like him and he said that he likes me, too, so now we’re dating!”

Several shocked and questioning pairs of eyes stare back at you and you almost wonder if there’s a glitch in the system.

“She’s not joking. That all really happened,” Jungkook follows up, chuckling at how everyone seems to be speechless.

“Oh my god. Our babies,” Suhyeon finally speaks up and beams at both of you. “This makes me so happy.”

Hayoung hugs you from behind and heads to Jungkook to do the same. There are expressions of surprise and joy and observations of both of you spending more time together.

Hoseok says he didn’t really see it coming but that thinking about it now, it’s not that unexpected because of how well you and Jungkook get along. Seokjin notes that your closeness with the man isn’t the same as with Jimin and Taehyung and maybe that’s also why.

“So, how’s your fan?” Yoongi asks, causing you to snort at his unrelated question but you think this might be a bit of an interesting moment for him, too.

“It’s fine. It just acted up that night and I don’t have any wiring issues,” you state.

“So, this all happened on Friday, huh?” Namjoon asks. “I barely saw you and Kook talking though. What made you admit it?”

“Well, I… saw him with a girl and my mind went all over the place and I guess I got jealous,” you chuckle. “That happens, you know? Sometimes the person you like is just one serendipitous encounter away from finding a person they could be right for and you have to claim your spot, something like that. I, uh,” you continue, glancing at Jungkook as he takes your hand under the table. “I’ve liked him for a few weeks now and I was just waiting for the right time.”

“Well, I’ve liked her for months and I could’ve been one serendipitous encounter away from losing her,” Jungkook shakes his head.

“So, you liked her first and didn’t say anything? Just like Seokjin?” Hayoung laughs.

“Yeah. He liked me first but I fell harder,” you confess.

“Oh, like Hayoung, then,” Seokjin teases, earning him a playful slap from his fiancé who also agrees.

“It runs in the family, I guess,” she smiles.

Seokjin wraps his arm around her shoulder and kisses her forehead. It’s a soft sight, as he wasn’t always this affectionate but Hayoung brought out that side of him.

You often wonder how that happens, how one person becomes more of something because of another, or which qualities of their partner they acquire after some time.

You wonder what you’ll be more now that you’re with Jungkook. Maybe you’ll be calmer and less neurotic. You might actually even be more responsible and independent. Whatever it is, you hope he’ll like you even more. You wonder, too, what traits he’ll start acquiring now that he’s with you.

The conversation continues, as Jimin, Mo-eum, and Taehyung come clean about the little things they were doing throughout the Jeju trip to make sure you and Jungkook spent more time together. You’re amazed at how your friends managed to just nudge but both of you are the ones who still made it happen.

You’re reminded of what Hayoung said about her and Seokjin, how the other could’ve chickened out after someone confessed, considering the good friendship that’s on the line; it’s a lot to lose for something you’re unsure will work out.

But they chose to make it work and be the right person for each other, and that mirrors how you and Jungkook just went for it, too, with neither one of you forcing or rushing it. You glance at Yoongi and Gyu-rim, oddly observant this time around and you hope it works out for them on their own time as well.

Lunch ends and the afternoon is how it always goes. Some people are just chatting and drinking while others are playing games. You’re doing the latter, as you try to beat Taehyung in Street Fighter, which you do, and then he decides you should all play Fall Guys instead. You glance at Jungkook who’s chatting with Hayoung and Seokjin and you could only guess what that’s all about, but you might have an idea.

Jungkook has his eyes on you as he talks to your cousin. A lot of it is about the wedding and meeting your entire clan in less than two months. But it’s also about you and how happy she is that you get to be with someone like him; she even goes as far as welcoming him to the family.

He knows it’s just been over a day but the feeling that all this feels so right doesn’t escape him and he doesn’t want it to. Sure, you’re still in the honeymoon stage and challenges will come your way but with a group of friends like the one you both have, he thinks you’ll be okay.

It’s a thought he holds onto as you finish dinner and on the ride home. You insisted on driving him to his apartment, even if he suggested booking a cab from your place instead but you won, stating that it’s work day tomorrow and it’s better that he gets to rest right away.

You stop in front of his building and though you hate saying goodbye, knowing you’ll see him again and again comforts you.

You turn to him with a pout and your puppy eyes that say you don’t wanna let him go. You laugh at yourself with how silly you are, but he looks at you with a soft smile. He cups your cheek and kisses you, gently at first then it deepens by the second until he pulls away. You sneak a last one on his lips before he gets out of the car.

And then he calls you.

You put him on speaker while looking at him on the driveway from inside your car and laugh.

“Miss me already?” you tease.

“Maybe,” he smiles with his nose scrunched. “Just wanna make sure you get home safe. Stay on the line until you get there?”

“Okay,” you smile back before driving away.

It’s a 15-minute drive but it’s enough time to talk about your respective schedules for the week. You hang up to take a shower and then lie in bed to find a message from him.

[from: bunny Kook] just remembered we have ministry of ed people assessing us tomorrow

[from: bunny Kook] should i wear blue or maroon tracksuit?

[from: bunny Kook] or maybe gray?

You giggle at the messages, as you start to see what he’s like when he’s really comfortable. You can imagine him staring at his closet, frozen in thought, even if all his tracksuits probably look the same anyway. But he’s sharing with you his random thoughts, and this is a man who barely even replies, much less read messages.

But now he’s video calling you and he asks why you’re laughing when you show up on the screen.

“Nothing,” you smile. “I’d go with the gray.”

“Okay,” he says, not even thinking about it.

He lies in bed and talks to you once more and you’re giddy and endeared at how he doesn’t want to let you go just yet. It’s just been two days but you already can’t get enough of each other. And you wish it would stay that way.

He finally hangs up after a drawn out goodbye. You suppose this is what will change with him now that he’s with you, and you smile yourself to sleep at the thought.

You spend most of the week after work with your friends, as the day of Teahyung’s flight draws nearer. You go to an arcade on Tuesday, do karaoke on Wednesday, then play bowling on Thursday. You eat at all the restaurants that he’ll miss, and on Friday, you and Jungkook pick up Jimin, Mo-eum, and finally Taehyung to drop him off at the airport.

It’s not the first time you’ve done this but you suppose so much has happened in between. It’s bittersweet, knowing you’ll all be separated again, even if he’s off to do the thing he loves most in the world.

Taehyung gives each of you a hug. When he gets to you and Jungkook, he claims the big role he played in getting the two of you together.

“I mean, I planned all the trips so… yeah, I was pretty instrumental,” he smiles.

And you give him credit for it. You give your props to Jimin and Mo-eum, too, who somehow managed to keep you level-headed enough throughout all this.

You bid Taehyung goodbye and head to your apartment for some takeout dinner and a night of drinking and talking about how the past few months have been.

It’s later on in the evening when it’s just you and him that Jungkook goes back to the thought that he really could’ve been one serendipitous encounter away from losing you.

You could’ve met someone at Taehyung’s farewell party or one of Jimin’s many cool friends. It could’ve been someone at one of your conferences or a guy ordering the same drink as you in that newly opened cafe near your office.

But he quickly dispels the thought, as he watches you snuggle closer to him as you fall into deep sleep, settling into his hold, like what you naturally did just a week ago when all this happened.

He likes you so much and contrary to what you think, he fell just as hard for you. And the more he settles into this, into you, the stronger he feels that even if you’ve known each other for years, you’ve had several serendipitous moments these past months that got you here.

Maybe it was waking up when you did that second morning in the forest that had you sharing coffee and talking about things. Maybe it was your car breaking down that led him to driving you to Cheonan, or even seeing Si-an at the club.

Maybe it was being seated next to you on the plane to Sapporo or your lightbulb going off. Maybe it was being the lone pair to fly to Jeju at night or the locals telling him about the sunrise spot that had you joining him that final morning.

It could’ve been one or all of them but they led you closer to each other. He doesn’t think there’s a better way of ending up where you did than this - you, tucked in his arms, settled so naturally in his hold, as if you were always meant to be there.

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ay0nha · 2 days ago

Text

Please Forgive Me | Dr. Michael "Robby" Robinavitch

GIF by crushribbons

SUMMARY: You needed to let go of the illusion that it could have been any different. You were both slowly losing yourselves and your patience. Instead, resented for being weathered and callous. But the pain and hurt were still there; nobody acknowledged how it had gone so long ignored.

Where Robby says, "Please forgive me." The first step in Ho'oponopono.

PAIRING: Dr. Michael "Robby" Robinavitch x f!attending!reader

WORD COUNT: 3.6K

WARNINGS: Canon-typical things, mentions of rats, vaccines (anti-vaxxer fuck off), needles, pining, angst, Myrna, incorrect medical things, plot driven by movie magic, flashbacks, arguments, some fluff, me projecting my competency kink, smoking, scrub sharing, word vomit, etc.

Inspired by @skulandcrossbones's post, @xxdrixx's post and @sunkissedburns' post.

A/N: Not quite what I had in mind, but I'm not going to be too hard on myself. This first bit was entirely self-indulgent. Comments are HEAVILY encouraged, they truly keep my going and motivated to write. Many thanks to @hummusforthewin for helping me out again. Enjoy.

prologue

“I could fake a seizure.”

“Too ‘boy who cried wolf’…” You shook your head. The strike of your lighter was motivated by agitation. On the first exhale of your newly-lit cigarette, you said, “It has to be a…casual—believable lie.”

“All this for what? Love?” Myrna gestured at the air with mocking disgust. “I know a thing or two about a crime of passion.”

Something swirled in your chest, but you brought the cigarette to your lips to suffocate it.

“Robby’s allergic.” To love. You wouldn’t say the word out loud, afraid you’d catch fire by some divine fury.

“Oh, honey, I knew you were stupid, but not that stupid.” Myrna cracked with humor. Her insults made you feel electric. Normal. They humbled every egotistical vein in your body. “I’d bend him over my knee for what he did to you.”

Your eyes sparkled with the image. You’d pay good money to see Robby’s face painted with discomfort. His self-control irked you, got under your skin without even trying. It used to drive a competitive friction between you both, one that was light, teasing, even. But it festered to the point it controlled you; you relied on proving a point.

“Breach of duty, my ass.” She continued. “So you were a drug dealer, so what! God forbid you did something about healthcare in this country.”

“Myrna,” You warned. You wish you were just a ‘drug dealer.’ Instead, you became the judge, jury, and executioner. “It’s just temporary.”

You said more to remind yourself. It hadn’t quite stuck as a mantra, but it was enough to get you through a shift. It took many years of vomiting up all the filth you’d been taught about yourself, and half believed, before you were able to walk on the earth as though you had a right to be there. You’d be damned to forget that because of him.

“You won’t even spit in his coffee!” Myrna snapped playfully, not letting your eyes glaze over for too long. “You asked me how to get him off your back: seizure.”

“That’ll just give him more reason to bother me.” You filtered smoke through your nose, half-lidded eyes remaining ahead. The thought caused your lips to tingle with indifference. Deep down, you knew nothing would change.

“Listen, girlie…” Myrna gave you the least offensive nickname in the ED. It was why you passed the dwindling cigarette to her; you always played favorites. “...whatever you do, don’t bet on a losing dog.”

—

The ED was slow.

No one acknowledged it; everyone was too superstitious to acknowledge it. The weather consisted of sleet that kept everyone off the streets. All that could be done was to wait idly for those who were brave enough to come in and those who had no choice but to succumb to the danger of it all. Slow days brought the worst cases.

The quiet no longer felt like rest. It starts feeling like a missing tooth. You keep tonguing at the space, even when it hurts.

The snow fueled your smoke break; it was a subconscious way to find warmth and stave off subconscious anxiety. Neither was remedied. Your fingers were stiff from the cold, and there was no relief from how the pit in your stomach grew.

“You alright?” Dr. Robby perked from the desktop, cautious enough not the call too much attention but aware enough to know you weren’t.

Robby imagined the way your fingers deftly played with the lighter. The way your side profile was traced as you exhaled the smoke. He resisted the urge to follow you out. But you didn’t smoke often, so he knew nerves formed the habit.

His attentiveness made you nauseous.

“Peachy.” Your sigh was heavy. Your day was not ruined. Your world was not over. Take a deep breath. It’s just temporary.

“Nicotine lowers the seizure threshold...” He hummed. You focused on Robby carefully, watching how his glasses reflected the screen in front of him. “...but there’s no way Myrna can smoke with those handcuffs, right?”

Ignoring him no longer led to guilt. You viewed it as self-preservation. It was the only selfish act you could take in your condition. You’d be stupid not to exercise your only right. Robby continued to push lightly. His attempts at your vulnerability were in vain. It had been weeks, and you’d yet to budge.

You don’t know why, but you were all heart today. Maybe it was what Myrna had said to you. Maybe it was the cold that weighed your limbs down. Maybe it was Robby’s question, an unorthodox olive branch, saying: everyone deserves a break.

You waited for him to interject, to ask some clarifying question or comment, but he doesn’t. The meaning of his words was not lost on you. It allowed something warm to creep through your chest, so you gave him a nod. One that held forgotten gratitude.

It shocked you, how gentle a tug it took to unravel everything that you built up.

Had his eyes ever seemed so wide, so earnest?

To distract yourself from such dangerous thoughts, you picked up any task you could. When things were busier, the trivial things vanished behind the rush, but it was too slow a day to hide behind it all.

“You hear me?”

You hummed, unaware that the way your ears rang consumed your space. You focused back in on Robby, leaned back in his chair, arms tight across his chest. Although in a relaxed posture, Robby looked protective, as if it took a lot of courage to reach out to you again.

“Your scrubs.” Robby’s eyes crinkled, toying with suppressed charm. It made you shy, like you’d done something wrong, gone too far, and lost your defensive bravado. “If you’re going for the tie-dye look, you’ll fit in better with Peds.”

There were splotches across your chest. It looked like dried blood, deep in color that led down to your pants. The droplets looked unprofessional, and you had meant to change, but the few patients that came in commanded your attention instead.

“Oh.” You said. You mumbled as the memory came back to you. “...had to snatch the povidone-iodine from a patient, they saw it had 70% isopropyl alcohol…tried drinking it…”

You’d volunteered for the busy work of stitches, as it was the only thing that you didn’t need to be monitored for. You were already counting down the days until the patient would return so you could remove them; another moment where you’d be able to come up for air.

However, it was the ED, you couldn’t turn your back for a moment because even stitches became overly complicated.

“Excuse me, doctor…”

The voice behind you is so timid, you don’t hear it right away.

“Uh, the scrubEx machine is, uh, broken—” Dr. Whitaker sheepishly interjected, catching the conversation in passing. You eyed him, seeing he wore morgue scrubs too big for him. “I mean–I-I didn’t break it…I think it’s old or it needs maintenance or something…”

You frowned. You were already in your spare.

“Check my locker, I should have extra…” Robby threw the comment passively, not bothering to look away from what he was doing. “504-985.”

Everything stilled for a breath. Nurses who were casually eavesdropping were locked in. Dana’s eyebrows even raised hearing Robby’s code roll off like second nature. Dr. Whitaker blushed on your behalf. You knew his code by heart from years ago: the area codes of New Orleans. He couldn’t let go of the numbers; they followed him everywhere.

The coldness in your limbs vanished. A prickly heat traveled through your fingertips, representing something close to mortification, but ultimately led to confusion. Then, quickly smothered with irritation.

You wanted to be suspicious, to think this was just another test, but that wasn’t in Robby’s motive. He covered himself in sarcastic exasperation, but beneath all the stress and trauma, warmth and wit were his nature. This was genuine, this was not Dr. Robinavitch or Dr. Robby, Michael had offered the clothes off his back to you.

You were like a rabbit frozen in tall grass. Ears perked, heart running, eyes blank and wide. But you didn’t move yet.

“Go on,” Dana jerked her head in the direction of the locker room. “We’ve got a GSW coming in hot.”

—

You didn't have it in you anymore to struggle and fight and suffer; you wanted to be quiet and happy.

The lockeroom wasn’t even a room. It was just lockers tucked away at the end of the hall. The so-called privacy was a small sign that said: staff only. It was between the hallway and the bathrooms, forgotten and small.

Punching in Robby’s code, you were praying for it to be wrong.

It was minimal. There was an unopened water bottle, neatly folded scrubs, and a pen that had been there since before Robby. Everything he needed was in his backpack. It was functional, tactical, his. It was all he ever needed and was there if he ever needed to run.

You felt like you were intruding, like you were moments away from being caught. For what? You didn’t want to know.

You tried to rip it off like a band-aid, grab the scrubs, and go. Something made you jerk. The fabric was scrunched into your fist like it would get away if you let up. The longer you held onto it, the more it tethered you. It was standard scrubs. Unisex and black. You went through the details, trying to be clinical. Professional. They would be big on you, but they would be functional.

You drew the fabric closer, holding the top as if it were going to vanish like a bad prank pulled. You ignored the fact that the action resembled something primal. Brushing it against your nose, you knew these were Robby’s by the faint smell of mint. It lingered from the pocket where he stored his nicotine gum.

“Thought you got lost…”

You paused.

Not out of interest. More like the way a dog pauses before crossing a fence line—aware.

“Checking to see if they’re clean.” You don’t miss a beat with the latent insult. “I know better than to trust you these days.”

There it was, that festering anger that was built on resentment. Your heart had frozen over again. You forced the air colder. It was unrelentless with no room for kindness to settle, it was not the kind of cold that came from a breeze or shade, but from stillness, from the absence of sun and time.

You comment on trust was spat as if the idea itself was revolting. It created a hush so thick it felt like you were walking underwater. Robby said your name.

“Dr. Robinavitch, I appreciate the…” You couldn’t even thank Robby properly. You’ve stood your ground this long, there was no retreating.

You shrugged off your scrub top, your thermal the only layer left. You moved swiftly, the GSW would be here in moments and you already took enough time for yourself. Tugging Robby’s shirt over your head it fit as expected; baggy in areas that didn’t matter and stitched with reliability of the owner.

The smell enveloped you fully. If you let your thoughts linger you’re sure you could figure out Robby’s detergent and what aftershave he used when it was time to trim his neck. You adjusted the collar like it was tight, a nervous tick to reprimand yourself for thinking about how Robby’s chain would hang just where you touched.

Your fingertips tingled with buried emotion. You projected a longing for when things were in a different rhythm, for when Robby was there for you outside of stipulations.

Communicate. Ask for help if you need it. Trust your attendings. We will get through this together.

The words came to you so suddenly, it felt like you’d lost your breath. They wrapped around you like a boa. You heard them when you slept and they loitered until you rubbed the exhaustion from your eyes. It had never cracked down on you like this.

Together was a false-bottomed hope. Together didn’t exist—couldn’t. Your eyes drifted, not unfocused—just distant. Remembering.

The office felt awfully small.

Robby stood far away from you, leaning against the opposing wall stiffly with hands in his pockets. His hair was a mess, a clear indication of the utter frustration he was in.

Despite the distance, the tension between the two of you was palpable. He was absolutely livid.

Deservedly so. You should have listened to him and stayed out of it, but you didn’t—couldn’t. Now you had to simply stand and take whatever he was about to throw at you.

You swallowed the knot in your throat, preparing for a half-hearted apology. “I’m so—”

“You—” He straightened himself, finger pointed out in accusation, “—had one job. I asked you to stay out of it— no, I ordered you to stay out of it. And what the hell do you do? The absolute fucking opposite. The actual fuck were you doing?”

Robby’s eyes narrowed deeper, the sharpness of the glare hitting you right in the chest. You flinch. “What makes you think you can ignore the rules? Have you forgotten that I’m your attending? I—”

“Do not pull rank with me.” You snapped. So much for just standing there and taking it. “You know damn well I am just as competent as you are.”

“Competent doesn’t mean that you’re—” Robby paused taking in a tight breath. His voice stayed level, refusing to let his anger get the best of him. “You were reckless. Out of line. I have to pull rank if you choose to act like one of the students. What is not clear here?”

You can’t help the bitter laugh that burst from your lips.

“You can pretend to be Adamson all you want, but this morning, you froze.” Low blow. But the ripple of emotion in Robby’s face was satisfying.“ So, sure, I’m fucking sorry for taking things into my own hands when you couldn’t.”

“This was not your patient, and you are too stubborn to understand that. Now he’s dead.” Robby kept going, cementing your fate. “Gloria is expecting you this afternoon. You will listen to her if you want to stay here. Don’t fuck up again.”

You tried opening your mouth, but nothing came out; your face was too hot, too hurt, too full of rage.

“What the fuck is that?”

You hadn’t realized your wrist had been caught until you were met with resistance.

You pulled back instinctively. “What are you—

A dull pain scratched at your wrist, and Robby was afraid he’d caused it. But he knew what he saw, identifying it immediately.

Robby held onto you steadily. “Did something bite you?”

“What?” Getting your wrist back, you finally looked at it. The bandage was haphazardly put on, now snagging on your sleeve, exposing two pinpricks. “You heard Whitaker, the patient tested positive for rats...”

You cringed, trailing off. It was a cheap joke that landed flatly. A few bubonic plague jokes came to mind, but you swallowed them.

“I’m fine.” You went to push past Robby, but his arm landed against the wall blocking you. His frame didn’t intimidate you, but it made you hesitate with your response. “...I’ll be fine.”

“You need antibiotics, a tetanus shot…” Robby rubbed his hands over his face, rougher than he should have, but it helped restrain his agitation. “Streptobacillosis can happen, rabies—

“Seriously, rat bite fever? I have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting that.” You actually laughed, but it wasn’t appreciated. “We have a GSW incoming.”

“The students need non-cadaver experience.” Robby attempted to be lighthearted, but there was an edge of authority to his voice. “They’ve got plenty of good hands to learn from out there.”

“Don’t be—

“You understand that’s my polite way of saying you will not touch a patient until I clear you, right?”

The words landed like a stone in still water.

They silenced you, but you didn’t shrink. They cut deeper than it was meant to. It seemed to always happen that way, where once the pleasantries passed, what weighed heavily between you only grew in pressure. The guilt was mocking you again.

Robby moved, knowing you’d follow. As he traced the hallway, you recognized what he grabbed: needles, medication, gauze, gloves, and confidence. You could have administered it all yourself, but this was a test of faith, one you were too curious about to challenge.

—

Anytime you went to the doctor, you felt like a child. Like you’d still get a lollipop and a sticker for being brave. It was why you avoided them if you could. You felt pathetic with your eyes wide and naive as Robby pulled the curtain around the two of you.

The irony didn’t go over your head.

His gloves were pulled on with dexterity. Robby mumbled what he would have to a patient, it was a reflex you were familiar with. You just stood there, anxious that you were in too vulnerable a position.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of needles.” Prepping the syringe, Robby looked you dead in the eyes, working without the need to look. You wanted to indulge in the charm, but you stayed quiet. “Ready?”

You nodded. There was nothing but everything to be afraid of. Doctors never got used to being a patient. It felt like going against the natural order of things. Especially when Robby looked at you so expectantly.

“Don’t think I can get through to your arm…” Robby was waiting for you to catch on. Out of habit you pulled at your long sleeve, as if covering the bite itself would disappear.

Eyeing the needle, you knew it would be intramuscular. It needed to be deep enough to be effective. It was calming to go through the facts you knew, waiting for it all to be over. The muscles had good vascularity. The injected drug would quickly reach the systemic circulation, bypassing the first-pass metabolism.

Robby repeated your name, prompting you to understand so he wouldn’t have to say it. He’d been through the worst imaginable, the grossest, the strangest things. That was life in the ED. But this was new territory.

“If you could…” He instructed you in a low tone, clearing his throat. “Turn around.”

Oh.

You had become so warm, you forgot you intentionally layered for the weather. Your arms were covered. Your legs were covered. The easiest muscle to access caused you to lean against the examination table. The paper crinkled from the slight force as turned your back to Robby.

He couldn’t seem to clear his throat enough. “If you could…”

“Right.” You snapped out of your slight stupor. If you had any conviction left, you’d have scolded him. Instead, you hooked your thumb in your waistband. Pulling the fabric down, you barely gave Robby enough surface to administer the shot.

You could almost sense the way he is actively preventing himself from letting his gaze wander further down than it had to—how he was tentative to pull at your pliant skin to find the muscle. It didn’t matter how hesitant he was because even through the gloves, his hands were unbelievably warm on your bottom.

“First one…slight pinch…” Robby’s voice was muffled by the needle cap in his mouth. “Alright, one more. Deep breath.”

The cold was catching up to you. So was the exhaustion. It weakened your senses and put your emotions at the forefront. You wanted to be held, to be cared for in ways you couldn’t provide alone. Robby was familiar with the feeling, but was better at hiding the ache.

Instead, Robby, in his own way, cared so deeply for others. His care was written in small things, never said, but done. He’d say he didn’t have any friends, but the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb—always. Yet, he never carved out space for himself to be minded.

“Not too bad, right?” His smile was awkward, but soft. Genuine. Concerned.

“Ouch.” You mumbled, a playful frown pulled at your lips. “I’ll live.”

“Good.” The snap of removing his gloves invited reality back. “This can’t be done without you.”

You were both stalling, not used to being so close for so long. The curtain’s fabric was a safety net in the chaos. He was slow to rub the hand sanitizer on. You both desired one last deep breath, but the air was running out. You both didn’t know how to exist so softly.

“Thanks for—

—I’ve been thinking…” Robby cut you off before you could slip away, hands pulling at the ends of his stethoscope to stop fidgeting.

You paused, letting it sit for a minute. “Dangerous thing.”

You’d been thinking too, but now wasn’t the time to crush the hope in his eyes. The risks outweighed the benefits.

You knew he’d been trying to catch you for days. Weeks. But his irritability got in the way. Impatience for Gloria got in the way. He had trouble sleeping, and when he was awake, he was vigilant. Then, when you didn’t see him, you knew he carried his sadness to the roof.

Even now wasn’t how he’d wanted to approach you.

“Look—I don’t know.” Robby chewed on his cheek. “I just—fuck.” He looked at you with a childlike regret. As if he’d gotten too excited and played too hard. “We can’t keep going like this...I don’t blame you… and I don’t know…”

You knew what he meant: I’m sorry—please forgive me.

You needed to let go of the illusion that it could have been any different. You were both slowly losing yourselves and your patience. Instead, resented for being weathered and callous. But the pain and hurt were still there; nobody acknowledged how it had gone so long ignored.

“I know.” That smile that you wore—it didn’t shine. Soft and a little sorry. It settled over your guilt for now.

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