#I know about banana republics

[seth-the-giggle-fish]

hey, quick question to the void, do you think bananas are native to the geographical locations that are now part of the United States? The original question for a class was:

"Think about a world in which there were no international trade.  What would be different in your life? Your career?"

To which I responded about the most important things, food, computers, transportation. My instructor responded with some comments and additional questions including why would we want to trade with other countries when the united states has a wide span of climates to grow all kinds of crops and specifically asked how the united states could create and grow banana groves.

[bereft-of-frogs]

so the 'Qimir/the Stranger is actually [ insert high republic character here ]' theories have started to escalate, Imri was one thing, today I saw someone suggest the Stranger is Cohmac and I laughed out loud.

But also sure. The Stranger is Cohmac. XD Why tf not. Except for all the, you know, 'humans don't live that long' and 'their descriptions and official character art do not match Manny Jacinto at all' 'it doesn't actually make sense' but people keep countering that with 'energy transfer' so I guess Qimir really could be anybody.

Wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if it was Azlin Rell. Fucking Azlin. That would be SO funny if he energy-transferred himself into Qimir to live another hundred extra years, to continue being the worst. It would be so funny. Absolutely no one else would find it funny but I would personally find it absolutely hilarious if 'scenic route guy' is Qimir

[randomtheidiot]

Desert greening to grow crops for picky vegans is such a fucking stupid idea that I’m starting to question my faith in any sort of human intelligence.

[girl-clownish]

the facists have the outfits, but i don’t care for the outfits. what i care about is music, and the communists have the music.

weelcome to my hot new cltohing store. im calling it Fascist Dicatorship

[krurbbbylift]

(WORK IN PROGRESS, PLS DM IF YOU WANT TO ADD STUFF!)

MASTER LIST OF STORES AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!!!

2024 vers

Adidas:

Aeropostale: Basically broke, barely any cameras and employees tend to not care and not count items for dressing rooms which are usually open and don't have to be asked for. I have almost never seen anything tagged. jewelry and perfumes are right by checkout so not recommended for that.

Abercrombie & Fitch: 

American Eagle: 

Armani: 

Banana Republic: 

Barnes & Noble: Uses Rfid tags and sometimes spider wraps on kpop albums and anime figures if there’s frequent theft in area. Cameras are not actively monitored, but are checked after theft. Store managers are the only ones who have the authority to call the police. They won’t chase. Pretty easy to lift from. 

Bath & Body Works: Intermediate 

More than a few employees and a small but busy store, small items are right by the cashiers, employees will immediately talk to you and offer a basket but will usually leave you alone after first entering unless engaged in conversation. mall locations usually no/minimal cameras and no/obvious tagging.

No LP, and cameras aren't actively monitored. The stores are small and have many employees mostly concentrated at the counters except for a greeter who helps customers with questions. They don't prosecute, but they call mall security and will let them determine if police will be called. This is a store only good for small lifts, and then leaving quickly.

Bed, Bath, and Beyond: Out of business.

Best Buy: There is security in the front. They will tackle. Very hard to lift from.

Bloomingdales: 

Books-a-million: 

Burlington Coat Factory: 

Carson’s: 

Chanel: 

COACH: 

Costco: Wouldn’t recommend. Unless you have a gift card, they will use your membership info to find out more about you.

CVS:  Uses RFID tags on some products (some medicines and some makeup) but that varies on the location. Some at locations the security towers don’t go off (don’t risk it). Semi-Easy

 They have no chase policy and workers aren’t allowed to do anything. They can’t stop you, or ask to check your bag unless it’s LP. Cameras are usually non actively monitored. LP rotates regionally, usually working two, 8-hour shifts per week at specific stores.

Dick’s Sporting Goods: Not recommended for beginners. Conceal in dressing room or in tall aisles. Check for stickers/tags and dispose of accordingly. RFID Tags on clothes can set off alarms.

Dillard’s: Hard store. Dedicated LP.

Dollar General: Super easy, conceal in aisles. some stores are going out of business, take advantage of areas without cameras.

Dollar Tree: Beginner Friendly Store 

Oftentimes, the cameras are fake. Few employees are usually in the store. DT doesn't want to waste money on security or LP because their products are cheap. 

Family Dollar: Uses rfid tags on electronics, some hair and body products. 

At most they will have four employees in the store, but they usually only have one or two. Extremely easy as long as you watch over your shoulders. At some locations the workers are required to tell you to leave your book bag at the front. If you're a school student—but they usually don’t care enough to say it or enforce the rule.

Semi-Easy

Five and Below: Minimal employees, cameras spread out and usually shown on tvs around the store to deter, minimal to no tagging and sometimes even no sensors at the door. usually one employee at the front that can see a tv with camera footage displayed but usually distracted or busy and not watching cameras.

Finish Line/Footlocker: 

Flying Tiger: Medium

No LP, but small with a lot of cameras. Went to one in a mall

Food Lion: 

Gamestop: Intermediate with how small the stores are. I've only lifted once from there and it was a small pack of Pokémon cards, and I did so by concealing it in my sleeve behind a display case. gamestop is good for small and quick lifts— then never going back for a few months or weeks.

GAP: 

GNC: 

Gucci: Too hard. Best bet is a grab and run. I've legitimately witnessed lifters being tackled by security/LP. it's CRAZY tbh

H&M: 

Hobby Lobby: So easy. The aisles are very tall and usually the only cameras are near the front by the registers. Body concealing is recommended.

Hollister: There are cameras. Hook is required to detag. Fairly easy so long as you are not counted for clothes. Security is seldom called, so just be sneaky and don’t get sloppy.

Home Depot: 

Hot Topic: Use Pencil Tags and Ink tags. Sometimes there’s a camera up front near the desk but usually there’s no camera. Depends on the value, store location, and what the item is.

Hot topic is/was a good place to lift from, but they've begun tagging their shit to hell and back. its best to, if ur ht has it, take off tags in between the shirt racks (clearance, the ones that hang)

Jo-Ann Fabrics: Just as easy as Hobby Lobby, but there is a camera at the beginning of the entrance. Conceal in blind spots near the back of the store. Watch out for customers.

JC Penny: 

King Super’s: 

K-Mart: 

Kohl’s: 

Kroger: 

Lord and Taylor: 

Lowes: 

Lush: On busy days they tend to position their employees in areas of the store where they will just scan the area and look for anyone who's lifting. I suggest building a good reputation with the employees by acting like a good, possible customer so they'll pay no mind to you. I do believe that some lush stores have cameras but a lot don't, and not many security measures are in place.

Macy’s: 

Martin’s (closing): 

Meijers: 

Mervyns: 

Michael’s: Conceal in blind spots, quite easy as long as you avoid cameras. I wouldn’t recommend going super often as most stores exits are located by the registers and you have to walk past a cashier to leave. 

Michael Kor’s: 

Nike: Stickers on apparel tags. Take clothing and conceal in fitting room. For shoes, use structured bag and conceal where there aren’t any cameras. Check shoes for any stickers or tags beforehand. 

Nordstrom: If you are a teen, SA will be on your ass. Not only are they paid on commission, they make extra for catching shoplifters.

Office Depot/Max: Barely any cameras except near the front. Don’t try and get printer ink. School supplies are easy, just body conceal in aisles. Watch out for workers.

Old Navy: 

Pet-Co: 

PetSmart: 

Rite Aid: 

Ross: High LP, lots of cameras, and almost everything is tagged because of l1fting problems

Safeway: 

Sam’s Club: 

Sears: 

Sephora: Crouch down to conceal, and don’t go around in circles too much. If you have a blind spot, gather everything you want, conceal, and discreetly leave. Walk around the check out area so you look like you’re considering purchasing items.

Sheetz: 

Spencer’s: Uses sticker sensors on their jewelry; I'm unsure of what they put on clothing

Spirit Halloween: At my spirit halloween (all stores could be different) the monitor they have only showed 4 cameras at a time there were a lot of blind spots I hid behind a shelf and concealed a lot.  There was one employee walking around one at the front greeting guests and one at the register where the camera monitor was at.

Staples: Same as Office Depot.

Stop & Shop: 

Sunglass Hut: Easier to bring an old pair of sunglasses and switch them. Check tags, and don’t go if it’s not busy. LP situation is unknown but it’s good to practice sleight of hand.

Target: Uses RFID and hard tags. Notoriously hard to lift from, build’s cases, and employees and security are allowed to chase.

Things Remembered:

Toys R Us: 

Tuesday Morning: 

Ulta: Easier than Sephora. Conceal in haircare or while crouching. They cannot chase. Watch out for customers and don’t linger around too much in blind spots.

Vans: 

Virginia Diner Shoppe:

Walmart: Lots of cameras especially in high l1fting areas and usually a lot of employees. sometimes employ plain clothes LP and door greeters can ask to see receipts but not in your bag. lots of blind spots from cameras in home goods like trash cans and pet aisles. can put it in a bag and check for tags in bathrooms before exiting. jewelry is tagged (from experience). possibly shares database with target and handles l1fters like target. imo easier than target though.

Walgreens:

Wawa:

Wegman’s:

Zumiez: 

7-Eleven: Easy to lift food and candy. Don’t exactly know if they have tags but if you body conceal.

[crtter]

(hey, what fruit post?)

OK so. Important information in order to provide context: I’m Brazilian, born, raised and currently living in Brazil. With that in mind…

In 2019, I saw a post where OP was talking about picking berries as a kid and it got me thinking about the fruit *I* picked as a kid myself. So I made a random post about them that originally looked like this:

Now, both this fruit and this tree have their own names in Portuguese: pitanga and jabuticabeira. But I thought that, since English is the lingua franca of this website and all, maybe it would be easier for people to know what I was talking about if I used the English names for these plants. So I looked it up and got the names Brazilian (or Surinam) cherries and Brazilian grapetree. And I used them.

Turns out, these fruit aren’t, indeed, that well-known outside of Brazil and the post breached containment, so to speak. And it reached people that didn’t know that was how they were called in English and didn’t care to look it up. To them, I was someone spouting fake information online, and you know how people react to THAT. So people started calling me:

 • Stupid for thinking those fruits are actual cherries and grapes (not what I said)

 • Stupid for not knowing grapes don’t grow on trees (not what I said)

 • A stupid gringo for making up names for things that already had names in Portuguese (not what I am and not what I did)

 • A few other assorted insults such as an “European colonizer” (not what I am) and having my country called a “banana republic” (not what it is but even if it was, WHOSE fault would that be, huh?)

And this has been going on for FIVE YEARS. I’ve changed the original text to disclaimers that I DO know that’s not what they’re called in Portuguese and I DO know they’re not actual cherries and grapes to try and keep people from calling me stupid over this fucking post several times but they just don’t ever check if someone has already “corrected” me. Lately, I thought people had finally gotten over it but it picked up pace AGAIN today and people are already going “Uhhh but these aren’t grapes???” and I know it’s just a matter of time until the insults start again and I’m sick of it so now that Tumblr allows us to make posts unrebloggable I’m taking the fruit out back and shooting them all like Old Yeller.

[m00nlight-ramblings]

BG3 Companion Modern AU Headcanons

These random thoughts popped into my mind and I had to write them down. I love these little weirdos, and some of them probably don't make sense but OH WELL.

Should I do a Part 2 with more companions?? Let me know - my inbox and requests are open!

------

Astarion

This dude's got iPad kid energy - he loves to scroll Tiktok for hours.

He gets bi-weekly pedicures. And not the basic kind - the full on 1.5 hour long with the massage and the mask and the exfoliation.

His favorite holiday is Halloween. He plans his costume starting in August.

He'd be the type of person to be walking through a mall, see a Claire's, and spontaneously decide to get his ears pierced idk.

Is really into metal. Like, you'll come home and Metallica will be blasting and you walk into the bedroom and he's folding laundry and just like, "Oh, HELLO, Darling!" but will have to scream it over the volume in which he's listening to music

Will truly take an hour picking out the perfect wine to pair with your dinner...he's definitely a wine snob.

The cheapest article of clothing Astarion owns is from Banana Republic and it's an undershirt...everything else is ~*very fancy*~

Loves watching all types of vampire movies/TV shows. He can often be heard saying, "Oh no, they got that all wrong" under his breath.

He definitely reads like 1-2 books a week. He's recently really gotten in spicy smut books (he definitely got recommendations from BookTok).

For sure falls asleep to ASMR videos.

Gale

This man loves HGTV *queue Home Depot commercial music*

Has the most absolutely beautiful, clean home you've ever seen with about 30 bookcases CRAMMED with books. The books are the only disorganized thing in his home because he constantly is reading them, so alphabetizing them is useless.

Pinterest is his most used phone app. His boards are carefully curated. That man has a recipe/inspiration pic/quote for EVERYTHING.

Definitely volunteers at the animal shelter once a month. Often times has to talk himself out of bringing a cat home.

LUSH is his favorite store at the mall. He loves them bath bombs.

He THROWS DOWN at holiday parties...Christmas? Thanksgiving? The table is SET. The decorations are UP. He's wearing an APRON because he's been cooking ALL day. The playlist is PERFECT.

Speaking of holidays, he has matching pajama sets for everyone in the household. For every. Holiday.

Fall is absolutely his favorite season. "Sweetheart...have you ever watched 'When Harry Met Sally'? Perfect autumn movie...also I bought a new scarf today to go with my new peacoat. And mittens. And a new hat...it's getting cold outside."

He definitely has a Live. Laugh. Love. adjacent sign somewhere in his home

He definitely needs glasses to read. And he for sure has those librarian chains so that he can just take them off and they hang, instead of losing them.

Karlach

Absolutely loves to eat meals watching Youtube videos.

Imagine her in Times Square? She tears the M&M's store UP.

Is obsessed with documentaries. She often says things like "I can't believe there's so much stuff to LEARN out there!"

Definitely has a Squishmallow collection. And she rotates which one she sleeps with every night so they all get a chance.

Is absolutely the worst cook of all time but tries really really hard...however, she can make a mean boxed mac n' cheese.

Has an obsession with sugary cereal. There's always Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Fruity Pebbles in her cabinets.

Certified Switie for SURE.

Is really into astrology. Definitely has said, "Oh, you're just saying that because you're a SCORPIO" or the like many, many times.

Absolute Starbucks addiction (venti iced caramel macchiato, extra caramel).

Has monthly "girl's nights" (but everyone is invited) at her place. The rules are: pajamas only, junk food, romcoms, and a playlist of the best pop songs in the past 20 years.

------

How'd y'all like it...should I make a part two with other companions?! Remember my inbox is open and I'm accepting requests!! I'd love to write some stuff so send it in!

[rickmctumbleface]

I never thought I’d feel this. I knew America and its democracy wouldn’t last forever, nothing does, but I never imagined there would be a real risk to it in my own lifetime. For decades, I saw the news about other, less stable nations, and their citizens struggles for peace, protection, and prosperity. I always felt safe and secure, thinking America was beyond that sort of chaos, but between a brazenly fascist rightwing Republican party, their Project 2025 to erase democracy, and the Supreme Court now putting the president above the law like a king, we are effectively now just one giant banana republic; unstable, divided, and growing increasingly violent. If trump wins in November, America democracy will be effectively over. We will become a strongman-ruled autocratic state, like Putin in Russia, or Xi in China, or Kim in North Korea. These are scary times. I really don’t think a lot of Americans realize how close we are to coming apart. We are sleepwalking to our own demise, and we’ll have no one to blame but ourselves. You know how they say if you're falling in a dream and you hit bottom, you die for real? It's a good time to wake up now, America.

[potatowilde]

JAKE LOCKLEY/MOON KNIGHT COSPLAY RESOURCE:

🌙Ya know, I never thought to do this but I think it would be a wonderful tool for Cosplayers out there! I'm a Jake Lockley Cosplayer, and have done a wealth of research about his wardrobe from the series. I know as much about is as a fan could possibly know. I'll add to this thread fun trivia as I go I think… If you had any inkling of a desire to cosplay Jake here's some of my finds!! READ MORE UNDER THE CUT!

HAT - The most important piece. From my research it appears to be a Göttmann brand "Jackson Linen Driving Cap" Charcoal (https://www.goettmann.de/en/ ) You can cross reference with the metallic pin on the lefthand side of his cap.

The main site will offer vendors in various areas so check it out! Shop I used: https://scotlandhouseltd.com/collections/mens-summer-hats-caps/products/jackson-linen-flatcap-desert-color

GLOVES - The second big one. So these are not driving gloves, I learned, but interestingly enough shooting gloves. Note the armored knuckles, and the character's role in the show as a gunman. Now, I couldn't find the exact match but an awesome alternative is to purchase motorcycle riding gloves. I found a cheap pair on Amazon, because the next step after the gloves are obtained is to paint them. A talented artist on the MK Costuming team was the brilliant hand painter behind Taweret's ornamental pieces, Layla's armor, and these moon crescents. To paint the moons I simply masked the shapes with painter's tape and used silver acrylic from my local art supply store. It will take several coats.

Here's the glove alternative via Amazon "Harssiney Leather Motorcycle Gloves for Men,Touchscreen Riding Driving Biker Glove with Hard Knuckle Protection,Motorcycle Accessories for Man" :

JACKET - The third most important piece because it is also the most difficult to achieve. This was a custom made raw denim jacket by the MK team, with a 3D printed collar featuring a very unique design. Should you have the funds to pattern this and make to screen accuracy I'd love to see what you came up with! I took the budget friendly route, as it was more suitable for my purposes! For folks who end up making the jacket - Note that the lining is perhaps the same base material as the collar. It's a lighter color on the inside.

In interviews, MK costume designer Meghan Kasperlik has shared that the material is a raw denim, so it's helpful to start there as a base. For my purposes I found a raw denim jacket that was close ish to achieve the shape I wanted via Banana Republic Denim Jacket Dark Rinse. I opted out of the collar just due to budget and time restraints but I hope you can find creative solutions for it!

FINAL DETAILS AKA THE SHOES, THE TIE, THE SOCKS, THE PANTS, AND SHIRT - These will all be personal preference. I think they're readily available just about anywhere. I made a small Amazon stop for the Tie, Socks, and Shirt. AMAZON - Tie AMAZON - White Dress Shirt AMAZON - Rebok Classic Grey Socks JCPENNY - Dockers Gorden Mens Cap-Toe Oxford Shoes Black Already owned - Black slacks FINAL RESULT! Happy Cosplaying!!

[bloodmoonmuses]

the weatherman's weathered heart | mark lee

genre: weatherman! mark lee x reader, enemies to lovers, slowburn-ish

[previous chapter] [series masterlist]

chapter two: the shirt

You resent letting your sense of justice prevail as you slither into Mark’s junky ass Prius. It’s cluttered with files and binders in addition to textbooks that are strewn haphazardly across the backseat. Most of the books are about meteorology, but you spot a music theory textbook as well.  

You sit quietly in the passenger seat, fiddling with your hands. Despite having a driving license, you don’t have a car of your own, resulting in you usually catching a ride with Hongjoong when needed. To be honest, you don’t really have many friends outside of Hongjoong. Perhaps you need to get out more- you’ve forgotten how to socialize. The awkward atmosphere is suffocating.

For a bit, you contemplate calling the whole thing off. Maybe this wasn’t necessary. Maybe you could be a nice person for the sake of being nice, instead of extorting the man for a shirt.

Then, you glance at your top, the coffee stain staring back at you angrily. It was a gift from Hongjoong, actually- a silk blouse he had thrifted in Japan. You wear it so often, it’s worn at the seams. It was due for a replacement anyway. Now you could do so on someone else’s dime.

At last, Mark breaks the silence. “What store do you wanna go to?” he asks. Since it’s thrifted, you’re not even sure where your blouse is from, nor do you know where to get something similar.

“Could you, um, check the brand on my tag?” you ask.

Mark gives you a look. It’s a mostly neutral one, but there’s something in his eye as he puts his phone down to fulfill your request. “Here,” he says, “turn around.” 

You do as you’re told and Mark places his fingers on the collar of your top, flipping it outward to read the tag. Briefly, his fingertips make contact with your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. You hope he doesn’t notice you shudder.

“It says…Banana Republic. I think there’s one across town.” When Mark pulls away from you, you instantly miss his warmth. The feeling of loss settles in your gut, the ache extending to your tender fingertips. 

You’re touch-starved. And it’s cold out. (-is what you tell yourself to justify your yearning body.  Shaking the thoughts away, you put on your seatbelt. 

Mark puts the address into a navigation app and drives away from the printing shop. When you’ve been riding for a few (silent) minutes, you get a text from Hongjoong:

HJ (derogatory): [Spotify Link] “Make His Pockets Hurt” by Lil Kayla. Listen Now!

You: [eye roll emoji]

HJ (derogatory): u know what to do.

You roll your eyes, in real life this time, stifling a laugh. Mark eyes you in the rearview mirror. 

“What’s so funny?” he says, pouting for being left out of the joke. Cute. 

“Nothing!” you say. You close out of Hongjoong’s message, putting your phone back in your purse. 

The Banana Republic you arrive at is desolate. There’s an old lady at the cashier, who genuinely looks like she’s on the brink of death- respectfully. You and Mark linger around the front entrance, unsure of how to proceed.

You glance at him. “Should I… grab a few things and try them on?”

“I don’t care. As long as I can get that paper edited,” he retorts, aimlessly scrolling on his phone. Not cute. 

“Suit yourself.” You begin to peruse the blouse section, picking up a few beige ones. One has a ruffle at the neck, one has a bow and the final one has puffy sleeves. As you gather options, Mark takes a seat in the waiting area outside of the dressing rooms.

“Okay, gonna try these on,” you tell him, gesturing with your head. Mark waves you off wordlessly, promptly returning to his phone.

You end up liking the blouse with the bow the most. It’s a little cuter than your usual style, but you wanted to try something new. When you walk out of the dressing room with the top, Mark looks at you incredulously. 

“You’re getting that?” he says.

“Well, what would you suggest, Mark?” You’re a bit agitated. You wanted this to be an in-and-out situation, not a day-long ordeal. Also, what’s wrong with the bow blouse? It’s nice!

Mark looks you over, again, then glances at the blouse as if it had cursed his mother. “Anything but that.”

Now you’re the one pouting. “I don’t really care about your opinion. So.”

“I’m not paying for that hideous thing,” Mark states, crossing his arms with finality. 

You sigh, attempting to make your voice sound less annoyed. “That takes me back to my previous question. What would you suggest?” 

Mark looks around. “Gimme a sec.”

Before you know it, Mark is heading towards the blouses, scanning the selection. Instead of all beige, Mark picks up an array of tops in jewel tones. He looks at you, then the tops, then you again, deciding to put down a maroon top.

“Too flashy.” He simply says. Mark shoves the pile of tops into your arms, jutting his head towards the dressing rooms. “Are you gonna try these on or what?” 

So pushy, you think, but you do as you’re told. This time, you walk out each time you try on a new top, Mark giving feedback on each option.

The plum top ages you, Mark says. The golden blouse is cut too similarly to the despised bow top, and the lighter green top is too fluorescent. It isn’t until you walk out in an emerald blouse with a v-neckline, that Mark’s critiques come to a halt.

“What? This one’s hideous too?” you say. You swear you see his eyes flick downwards for a half a second. Your face gets hot.

Mark coughs. “It’s fine, I guess.”

You roll your eyes. “Then let’s get it. I guess. Need to get back to the shop anyway.”

After changing out of the shirt, you walk up to the register behind Mark. Maybe you’re overly frugal, but sixty dollars for a piece of fabric is insane to you. Hongjoong will be happy, at least. Though, the top looks nothing like the one he got you. 

As she’s ringing him up, the lady behind the register looks at you and Mark. “Buying this blouse for your partner here, I assume?” Then she turns to you. “This color is gonna look lovely on you.” 

Mark scrunches his nose. “Not my partner,” he quickly amends. “We’re… uh.. acquaintances.”

With that, the two of you exit the store.

The car ride back to the printing shop is even more awkward than the ride out. You feel bad for practically blackmailing the guy, especially considering there was no guarantee the newspaper would edit the article. Speaking of which-

“So if it isn’t tax fraud, what did you do?” you say without really thinking. The curiosity was killing you. You expect Mark to brush you off immediately, but he answers promptly.

“Huh? Oh, you mean the article.” He turns into the parking lot, switching off the ignition. You look at Mark, expecting him to exit the car, but he sits. For a moment, he’s lost in thought, eyes far away from the small space you share. 

“Hey, I’m just kidding-” 

“I’m-” Mark cuts you off, “divorced… and the journalist included my ex wife’s name. It read more like a tabloid than a genuine interview. I was just expecting something more… earnest. Not sure why,” he admits. 

You’re not exactly sure how to respond to this. If anything, you’re fascinated. Mark looks so young, no older than 25. 

He’s fallen in love, gotten married and divorced in that time? It must’ve been a pretty bad fall out- he can barely get the word “divorce” out of his mouth. Plus, the lengths he’s willingly to go to to have this article axed is evidence enough of the hurt. This wound is fresh. And that “journalist” is an asshole. 

“Don’t do that,” Mark says, looking at you through the rearview mirror.

“Do what?” 

“Pity me,” Mark says. “Don’t pity me.” 

“I don’t pity you,” you huff. “This whole situation sucks. I’m really sorry.”

Mark chuckles. “Don’t be sorry either.”

“Sorry- I mean, okay.” 

A beat passes, during which neither of you say anything, and Mark shifts to look at you. For real this time. Not through a mirror.

“Do you think they’ll change the article?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper. 

Probably not, you think. But for his sake, to rid his eyes of the pain glistening in them, you hope to god those assholes at the newspaper get rid of that part as requested.

“Yeah. Of course.” You exit the car, shoulders tense with anxiety.

Hongjoong is at the front counter, sketching in a notepad, when you and Mark walk into the printing shop.

“Have fun?” Hongjoong inquires.

“Not really,” you say, placing your shopping bag on the counter. 

Hongjoong inspects its contents, humming in approval of the blouse. “Not bad,” he says.

Mark scoffs. “Should I take down your number?” he asks you.

“Yeah, probably.” You write it down and hand it over. “I’ll shoot you a text when I hear back from the newspaper goons.”

Mark laughs at this and leaves. The yearning in your gut returns. 

When it’s time to close up the shop, Honjoong packs up his things with record speed. Slinging a messenger bag over his shoulder, he says, “Wanna come over for drinks?” 

“Yeah, I’ll take a cab to your place. Gotta make a phone call real quick.” you reply.

“It’s okay, I’ll wait for you,” Hongjoong contests.

“Don’t wanna hold you up. Get outta here, nerd.”  You wave your hand at him, shooing him off. 

Hongjoong lingers in the entryway regardless, shooting daggers with his eyes. “You and your secrets…” he says.

“Secret? What secret?” You quirk an eyebrow, feeling sheepishly defensive. 

“Save it. I’ll let it slide this time,” Hongjoong states. “My place in thirty?”

You nod.

“Cool.” He lights a cigarette on his way out.

With Hongjoong now gone, you take out your phone and call the newspaper office. You’ve been printing for Jackson for years now, so you’re sure he can make an exception this one time- even if a little schmoozing is necessary. You put on your kiss-ass voice, hyping yourself up as the phone rings.

“Hey, Jackson! It’s _____ at Jagerman Printing Co.! Yes… Um, we actually had a power outage here. That, coupled with the order screw-up by the intern… we’re swamped over here... Just scrap the whole thing? Oh, it’ll be fine. Yeah, of course! I’ll take a bit off of next week's orders. And I know your daughter’s birthday party is coming up, so consider her invitations on the house. Sounds good! Thanks!” 

When you hang up the phone, you sigh. Canceling a whole week of orders for a guy you just met… It wasn’t exactly logically sound. You’ll have to open commissions to account for the dip in income- extra work you can take up without Hongjoong knowing. Without Mark knowing.

Kindness for the sake of being kind. Before you head out to meet up with Hongjoong, you text Mark:

You: the newspaper goons had a change of heart. have a nice night :) 

Early the next morning, you beat Hongjoong to the printing shop. You watch the sunrise from your desk, its light flooding the room with a golden sheen. Briefly, you think about your actions from the night before. Surely you were out of your mind. Canceling a week’s worth of printing for some smarmy weatherman? It’s ridiculous. 

Well, it’s too late now. It’s not like Hongjoong would care. He’ll be happy to hear the lack of work necessary on a Friday. He’s probably hungover from last night anyway. The door swings open.

You expect to see Joong, but when you lift your head, it’s Mark. You walk to meet him at the front of the shop. He’s not in a suit today. Instead, he looks way more his age. He’s in a band tee and jeans. Perhaps this was what his fashion advice was founded on. It’s a stark difference from his weatherman get-up. Mark is also holding a bouquet of flowers.

He places the flowers on the counter delicately, beaming at you. “For the shop,” he states. You make a mental note to buy a vase for them.

Mark’s smile is absolutely blinding. You look away like someone just waved a flashlight directly into your eyes.

“I don’t know what you did- or if you did anything, but I just wanna say thank you,” Mark says. 

What a change in tune for someone who literally spilled coffee on you without a second glance just a day ago. Maybe this weatherman isn’t so bad after all. 

“Um, I didn’t really do much, in all honesty, but I’m glad everything worked out.” you respond.

You’re not sure why you felt the need to lie. Actually, you know exactly why. You’re too prideful. 

“Well, thank you anyway. I could literally cry,” he retorts with a chuckle.

“Please don’t,” you say jokingly. 

Mark thinks for a moment. “How can I repay you?”

“Like I said, I didn’t do anything. And you already got me this shirt.” You gesture to the emerald top from yesterday.

If you knew he’d be here today, you wouldn’t have worn it. However, as you were getting dressed this morning, you couldn't stop thinking about the way your stomach ached when Mark looked at you yesterday.

“What about I treat you to dinner?” asks Mark. “So we’ll be even.”

“I’m good, thanks.” You didn’t intend on him feeling indebted to you.

“Okay, “ Mark pivots, “Can we grab drinks instead? I’ll pay. Tomorrow 6pm.”

“With all of your weatherman money?” you joke.

Mark’s phone rings.

“I’ll text you,” says Mark. When he answers the call, he continues mouthing to you as the person on the other end of the line begins to speak. “Text me back.”

“No promises,” you mouth back.

As Mark exits the shop, Hongjoong enters. He does a double take at Mark, then looks at you inquisitively. “What was that about?”

“Nothing,” you say as a blush creeps up your neck.

a/n: unedited and feedback is always appreciated! <3

[scarlettromanov]

Business as Unusual - Chapter 4: The Tension Before The Storm

Chapter One  Chapter Two Chapter Three

pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanov x Reader

word count: 4.1K

warnings(18+only): brief mentioning of Steve Rogers; eventual kate bishop; CEO! Wanda Maximoff; Brief mentioning of Stephen strange; Jealousy; Dom/sub; Domestic Fluff; Eventual Smut; Hurt/Comfort; Childhood Trauma; Mob Boss Natasha Romanov; Smoking; Food; Caffeine Addiction; mention of drugs; Alcohol; Mentions of Violence; mob wife Wanda Maximoff; Angst; NO CHEATING!; all parties communicate; brief Stephen strange slander

CHAPTER FOUR: THE TENSION BEFORE THE STORM

The dressing room door is closed. The panic settling into your chest is nearly unbearable. You are living your worst nightmare. A fashion show. For Wanda. Wanda had down right nearly begged you over the past two weeks to let her take you shopping. You whined that you wanted Yelena to go with you. But, clearly Wanda didn’t trust you around Yelena. (Not without hers or Natasha’s supervision). You have no other choice than to be in the middle of a Banana Republic with Wanda.

With wobbly knees, you Stand in front of a full length mirror; scrutinizing all the little details of your body. Wanda was flabbergasted when you had mentioned going to Banana Republic to buy clothes. This was the fanciest store that you had ever been in, and it was still affordable for the average person. A small part of you is adamant about Wanda not spending more money than absolutely necessary on you.

“Sweetheart, are you alright in there?” Wanda asks, giving a small knock on the door. Your heart jumps a mile, grabbing at your chest you manage to squeak out,

“Y-yeah! Just a sec!” your voice higher than normal, and you grimace, hoping that Wanda’s concern doesn’t grow after hearing the panic in your tone. Within five minutes you are changed into the forest green suit. The silk button down shirt feels amazing against your skin. You wish that every piece of clothing you owned could feel this good. The outfit looks complete until you look down at your feet. Your five year old black high top converse makes the outfit somewhat of an eyesore.

Note to self, buy new shoes.

“Y/N, you’ve been in there for twenty minutes. I’m giving you two more minutes before I come in.” Wanda’s voice is full of authority. You know it’s just because she worries about you. Wanda has seen the way you avoid looking at yourself in most mirrors. On multiple occasions Wanda has complimented your hair or the way your makeup looks that day. You always blush and mumble ‘thank you’ before changing the subject immediately.  

Standing in the mirror now you feel an upswing of confidence. A rare boost in your self image permeates through you.  

“Alright, alright, here I am!” You say with a smile in your voice. Unlocking the door, you grin at Wanda. She’s sitting with her legs casually crossed on the small couch across from the fitting room door. Her cell phone in one hand. Her eyes pierce into you, and you feel like you might drop dead right there with the hungry look she’s giving you. And Yet you don’t budge an inch. You let Wanda drink in your appearance.  Head held high, as she bites her bottom lip ever so slightly with her top teeth. With a small smile, she uncrosses her legs. Eyes traveling from your face, down your body. You know she’s ignoring your converse.  

“How do you feel?” Wanda’s voice is lower than normal, huskiness radiating through it. You pause, then lift a hand to run it through your hair. Faking an air of confidence.

How did you feel? That was a great question. Confident? Sure. Sexy? Of course. However you surprise even yourself when you say,

“Powerful.”

The word hangs in the air between you both. Wanda, now less than a foot away from you, reaches down, and brushes a thumb over your cheekbone.

“As you should, honey.”

You both stay like that for another moment. The skin of your cheek red as cherries, with Wanda’s  thumb stoking back and forth. You stare at her lips, and she smirks at you.

“Do you prefer wearing suits?” Wanda asks, hands moving to fuss with your lapels. As she finishes with the lapels her hands wander to examine the length of the jacket’s arms. They’re a little long, but nothing that you couldn’t manage. You would simply cuff the sleeves.

“I’ll wear anything if it feels right.” Your voice is breathy. Realizing that you haven’t been breathing normally for over a minute. You inhale small jaggad breaths. Wanda touching you was not getting easier. Without a doubt, every time Wanda’s skin touched yours, it felt like a thousand bolts of lightning coursing through you.

“Let me take you somewhere else. We can get you this one to start, but please, humor me, Y/N.” Wanda fingers lightly running over the lapels, and you stand there frozen under her gaze. Looking down at your feet you answer her,

“Wanda, you and Nat already do so much for me. And all I do is run errands and crunch a few numbers.” Wanda’s fingers wrap around the fabric of the suit, grip tightening the tiniest bit.

“Honey, you look exquisite right now. Besides, Natasha and I have a few events coming up. You need to get a few outfits for those.” Your face perks up at the news of these so-called ‘events’. Did Wanda mean as her and Natasha’s guest? She probably means as their assistant of course. Why would a perfectly happy married couple bring someone like you to such a high profile event as their date? You’d be carrying Natasha’s wallet, and Wanda’s clutch. Standing to the side of the red carpet while they pose for pictures. But you can’t help yourself as you fill with excitement.

“I’m going to events with you and Natasha?” Your voice is full of hope. The thought of dance floors and fancy drinks with michelin star grade food has you fawning. Despite your better judgment you picture stepping out onto a red carpet with them both. Wanda’s arm wrapped securely around your waist, and Natasha's arm extended over your shoulders. You knew it was ridiculous to fantasize like this, but you ache for it to be a reality. Wanda is smiling down at you. Her expression mixes between adoration and patience. For a moment you wonder if Wanda knows your daydreaming.

“Of course, but only if you let me dress you up, doll.” She boops your nose with her pointer finger which sends a shiver through your body. Wanda's nose scrunches, and you nod your head. Agreeing to let her buy you whatever she wants. You hope that nodding for Wanda will be enough of an answer.

“What’s that?” Wanda’s head tilts, baiting for you to ask her. Her voice is condescending. Wanda, the ever generous, loved to hear you ask her for things. She always gave you what you wanted, unless it was unhealthy or tacky. Her and Natasha were constantly asking you to use your words.

“Can you please buy me more pretty outfits, Wanda?” The question comes out sort of whiney, and you are Scarlet red. Mortified from how needy you sound. Wanda is beaming as she stares down at you, biting her bottom lip slightly.

“Why didn’t you ask me sooner? Get dressed. I’ll give Bucky a call, and we will go to Meredith’s downtown,” Wanda tells you as she smooths your shoulder pads.

“We’ll get everything tailored too.” Wanda adds as you spin around, marching back into the dressing room. You feel like you spun in circles.  The entire interaction with Wanda had you feeling dizzy. Probably from the lack of breathing. You look at yourself in the mirror again, and see the color in your rosy cheeks. The person who looks back at you is nearly unrecognizable. She’s standing tall, and her hair is swept out of her face. A far cry from the girl who, just two weeks ago, stood in her tiny 1 bedroom apartment bathroom mirror with a lifeless expression. Features that were once so minuscule now stand out in ways you had never realized. A dimple here, a laugh line there, color filling your skin. With a smile you put your clothes back on.

Wanda pays in cash at Banana Republic. She hands you the receipt, and telling you to keep it for your bookkeeping for her and Natasha. You wonder if these purchases for you are just for tax write offs. A second later you feel horrible for assuming that Wanda was just buying you nice things for the tax benefits. Pushing the thought from your mind you put the receipt away.

James, formally known as “Bucky”, drives the two of you to the city. Wanda babbles a list of errands that she will have you and Bucky run tomorrow, and you type the list into your phone. It’s not until you are both silent that the small talk on the radio playing softly in the background catches your attention,

“Reports are saying that another young woman has been returned to safety after mysteriously disappearing a number of years ago. The pattern of  these returns are reported to be nearly identical, coming to the conclusion that there is some kind of vigilante Robin Hood saving young women and getting them back to safety after abduction.”

“Someone outside of the law, you think?” Another radio host asks, a laugh in their voice.

“Well, the police have reported that these cases have been cold for years. The abductees are from all around the globe.” You listen closely to the conversation on the radio. Your brow furrows as you strain to listen to the soft voices playing through the car speakers. It’s clear that you are Interested in their conversation. You lean forward in your seat to ask Bucky to turn up the radio. But Wanda’s hand reaches over. She points out the window. Your gaze follows, and you realize that the car is passing a miraculously large building. Stairs leading up to the entrance of the museum, hidden behind white pillars.

“We’ll be attending the governors gala here in two weeks, you, Natasha, and I.”

Your face practically presses into the glass as you stare in absolute awe. You have walked past the art museum a million times, even toured with your school as a child. But the governors ball? With Wanda and Natasha? Your brain scatters in forty directions. You need a haircut, new shoes, and obviously a few pieces of jewelry.

“Y/N?” Wanda’s voice snaps you out of your internal makeover list.

“Hmm?” You hum in response, and Wanda chuckles, and offers her hand to you. Bucky is holding the door open for the two of you. You’ve arrived at Meredith’s, a large designer boutique that sits in center city.

“Shall we?”  She asks, and you take her hand greedily.

Wanda holds your hand through the front door of Meredith’s. Where she is greeted by a few posh faces.

“Ms. Maximoff, what do we owe the pleasure? It’s been far too long since you’ve graced our presence.” A tall slender woman asks with a clipboard in hand. She’s wearing an earpiece, exposed since her hair is pulled back into a tight high ponytail.

“We are doing some shopping today. Specifically for my Y/N here.” Wanda gives your hand a small squeeze, and you give the woman a small smile, “Think we can set her up with a few gowns to try on? She’s a fan of a suit as well. Shoes to match.”

The woman’s eyes fall on you, and there’s a sort of confusion in her features as she tries to process why Wanda Maximoff is being seen with a scrub like you. You shift uncomfortably under her gaze. You chew on the inside of your cheek. Wanda, realizing that this woman was setting her judgments on you, wraps a protective arm around your shoulders pulling you against her smugly.

“Amelia, did you not hear me?” Wanda’s Sokovian accident bleeds through. Amelia’s eyes drag away from you, and find Wanda’s murderous gaze. Amelia blinks once before getting her act together,

“Right away, Ms. Maximoff, shall we?”  The words stumbling out of Amelia’s mouth.

Amelia offers you and Wanda coffee, tea, water, and alcohol while you stand on a platform in the 6th floor private suite. A row of mirrors surround you. Your reflection stares back at you, and you realize that you haven’t uttered two words since entering this building. Someone comes in and takes your measurements. Another person comes in with about 10 different photo cards. Wanda sitting behind you discussing color choices with Amelia.

“I am partial to Y/N  in burgundy,” her eyes flicker up, and meet yours instantly. You chew on your bottom lip, anxiously waiting to know why Wanda’s chosen for you.

“Sweetheart, of these, please pick three you’d like.” You’re dumbfounded for a moment. Still staring at her in the mirror. You reply by pointing at yourself. As if to say “ who me?”

Wanda chuckles, and gets to her feet.

“Yes, you.” She hands you the color swatches. A smile spreads across your face as you pluck the swatches from Wanda’s fingers.

You end up going with sage green, navy blue, and burgundy (totally not because Wanda said she likes you in burgundy)  

Okay- totally because she said that. But you would never admit that out loud.

Amelia returns with dress after dress at first. Then followed by the suits. Amelia’s assistants help you dress, bring you shoes that would pair well with each outfit. It’s dizzying. You felt like an off brand Barbie doll, not quite girly enough to be wearing deep V ball gowns, or cocktail dresses.

It wasn’t until you put on the third suit that you felt anything. The burgundy fabric is filled with a black pattern of roses. Amelia chose a black satin bow neck blouse for you to wear underneath. You were in the middle of changing when Wanda’s phone begins to ring in her pocket. She gives you an apologetic smile, mouthing “ I’ll be right back” before she steps out into the hallway.

You pull the pants on, and Amelia ties the bow to the blouse. Her assistant helps you get the suit jacket on. It fits like a glove. Amelia pairs the suit with black platform oxfords, and you mentally thank her. You’re already short. So platform shoes are a godsend.

You turn to look at yourself. The confidence is radiating off of you, and you admit to yourself that you look handsome. Amelia, for the first time, looks at you with a grin.

“Maximoff was right. Burgundy is your color. The Oxfords give you that extra bit of height.” Amelia, and her assistant buzz around you, putting small pins into spots where the suit will be adjusted. They chat together about potential dresses that might work better for you. You chime in that you are absolutely not a fan of a sleeveless dress, which Amelia answers with, “What about Halter?” You take a moment to think about it. The fabric around your neck sounds kind of sexy. Nodding, you give your approval for the dress style. In return Amelia and her crew of fashionistas set off to find more dresses.

Wanda is taking a while, and you check your phone to see if maybe she’s texted you.

You have a few texts from Natasha. She tends to check in every few hours to see how you are, but every now and again she’ll send an errand for you to run. Or ask you to have Bucky take you to the store. Her personal receipts are given to you at the end of the day. You two typically spend an hour every evening going over finances, budgeting, and stock reports with Natasha in her study. Since you were a kid you had always been a wiz with computers and numbers. Grade school, however,  had been a nightmare for you. Despite being the top of your class, the other kids poked fun at you. Calling you weird for enjoying learning. Once on the playground a group of boys tore the pages of your favorite novel from its binding. Creating confetti, paper-planes, spitballs, you name it they made it with the pages of your book.

Your fingers tapped gently against the keyboard as you responded to Natasha. You hit send, and place your phone back into Wanda’s handbag. It was funny to see just how little Wanda carried around. A check book, her wallet, sticks of gum, and M&M’s for you if you got hungry. You blink a few times, eyes feeling dry. The effects of not having your afternoon coffee setting in. Stepping down from the platform, you make your way over to the door. One of Amelia’s minions had to be around here somewhere. Sure, they might be judging you for wearing a sweatshirt with tiny dinosaurs on it to Meredith’s, but they were also kissing Wanda’s feet. Therefore they were obligated by the force of Wanda Maximoff to bring you a black coffee. Hopefully you might find Wanda too. Feeling kind of pathetic for just how much you missed her when she was gone.

The private 6th floor suite is secluded from the general public.  Most inventory was kept on the fifth floor. You pass a few windows, glancing out to enjoy the view. Feeling more alone in this moment than you had in hours of dress up, and somehow you were missing Wanda. The very faintest sound of hushed talking peaks your interest. With each door you pass you press your ear to listen. Finally at the end of the hallway you lean in to listen.

“Lena, I do not care if she is your future mother in law. Eleanor Bishop will behave herself, or I will be having words with Frisk about her formal resignation.” Wanda pauses listening to whatever Yelena has to say on the other end. Sighing loudly, Wanda’s voice is cold as she replies, “We trade the goods, and we receive our reward. That’s how this works. I won’t repeat myself to you, Yelena. If Eleanor Bishop dares to stand in our way…” Wanda pauses, and you picture her pinching the bridge of her nose, “I will have her disposed of. Am I making myself clear?” Wanda’s voice is chilling, as her accent bleeds through again. Your breath catches in your throat. What does Wanda mean when she says that she’ll have Kate’s mother ‘disposed of’? Your heart drops into your ass as the realization sets in. Was Wanda going to have Kate’s mother killed if she didn’t do what Wanda asked?

A million different scenarios play in your mind. Frozen in confusion, and trapped in your thoughts. You barely notice as footsteps approach the door. The door swings open, and Wanda nearly crashes into you. Your gaze is frenzied as your eyes meet hers. Wanda’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. She places her steady hands on your shoulders. She’s clearly noticing how distraught you are because she squeezes your shoulders lightly.

“Detka, what are you doing?” Her tone is stern, and you subtly feel like a child caught with your hand in the cookie jar before dinner.

“I-I-I” You stammer, fear filling your eyes as your brain short circuits. Wanda’s stern expression drops instantly.

“Do you remember what Nat showed you, honey? Breathe,” With slight hesitancy you take a deep breath, hold it, and exhale slowly. You repeat the breathing exercise a few more times. Standing there you are sweating bullets in your new suit. Despite your state of panic Wanda takes in your attire. Her eyes drag away from yours, and travel down to the black tied bow, pausing there for a moment at your chest. A small smile dances across her lips when she sees the platform Oxfords. Her gaze intently fixed back on yours.

“I know you heard me on the phone, Y/N.” She pauses to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, “And that’s okay. I trust you won’t be telling anyone what you heard?” You swallow loudly. Gaze never breaking from Wanda’s. That’s the thing about Wanda. With a simple phrase, or reassuring touch she has you buckling at the knees. When she looks at you, you are acutely aware that you are standing taller, and yet somehow simultaneously sweating from how nervous she is making you. You clench your fists, grappling to gain a hold of yourself.  

“No, I won’t tell anyone.”  Your voice is small, but firm.

“It’s not safe for me to explain the situation to you here. Is that understood?”

“Yes ma’am,”

“Nat and I will tell you anything you want to know tonight. But, for now, I need you to be our good girl, and try on a few more outfits.” Wanda waits for you to reply. You manage another “Yes Ma’am,” and she smiles, and grabs your hand. Leading you back to the room, Wanda chatters on about the other suits. She would like to see you in at least 1 dress. She understands that you are uncomfortable with your body, but indulge her in this one request. You agree to try a few dresses on to appease her. Still, the conversation Wanda had with Yelena is playing on repeat in your mind. You go through the motions. Smiling like a good girl when Amelia brings the Halter neck dress back for you to try on.

Around 3:30 Natasha strolls into the private suite. Her hair pulled into a braid down her back. She greets you by whistling at you from the doorway. The halter neck lined black gown is a lot sexier than you anticipated. A slit along your leg shows off the skin hiding beneath the fabric. Amelia’s staff have placed clips along your back to keep it from falling.

“Look at you, Y/N. You look stunning,” Nat winks and you blush softly. Nat has taken a liking to greeting you with small bits of affection. She gives your hand a soft squeeze, and goes over to give Wanda a kiss hello. Immediately Natasha is brought a triple shot espresso without having to ask. It seemed completely normal that whenever Natasha entered an establishment there was always someone to greet her with a beverage.  Natasha sips her drink, and asks for your coffee to be freshened. Earning her a hard look from Wanda, who was attempting to cut down your daily caffeine intake. Natasha however noticed the dark circles forming under your eyes. She’s become acutely aware of how grumpy you become around 4pm every day. When one of the staff members greets you with the cup, you smile, and thank them.

“Last one today,” Wanda  warns you with a stern tone. You grin, and take a small sip before handing the cup over to Natasha. Better to savor the precious liquid than gulp it down like you typically do. Amelia is buzzing behind you with her assistant. Placing more small pins down the back of the dress. You watch as Natasha smirks at her wife in the reflection of the mirror. Natasha stays parked right next to you. Her eyes now meet yours in the reflection.

“I don’t think that’s fair, do you Y/N?” Natasha asks you playfully, placing her hand in yours again. Shock fills your features. You have never heard Natasha disagree with Wanda. Did she have a death wish? Your eyes flickering up to look at Wanda in the mirror’s reflection. Wanda’s jaw is clenched, and you know she’s pissed. She hates being overruled. The Sokovian says nothing, but her green eyes hardening with each passing moment. You feel a the hairs on the back of your neck stick up when Natasha speaks again,

“Kotehok, I asked you a question.” Her voice is harder, and you know she wants you to agree with her. She gives your hand a squeeze. A subtle gesture to let you know that you’ll be alright if you disagree with Wanda. You’re stuck at a crossroads trying to figure out who to agree with. Your eyebrows scrunch together, and you turn your head to look Natasha in the eye.    

“I want to be awake tonight. Like W-wide awake. So,” You pause, to give yourself a half beat to emphasize your answer, not wanting to stutter, “No, I don’t think it’s fair.” You feel Wanda’s gaze piercing into the back of your head. Natasha’s returning smile almost mischievous, the feeling of pride radiating off of her. Her thumb runs along the back of your hand. You return Natasha’s smile, and you fight the guilt of defying Wanda. If you hadn’t been anxious for tonight already then you most definitely were now.

Thank you so much for everyones patience for the next few chapters. I will be trying to post on here at the same time as AO3 so everything is posted at the same time. I love this story so much so it makes me really happy to see everyone else enjoying it <3 Also feel free to send me messages or leave comments, it makes my day :)

TAGLIST: Whitewidowsbite tbpandtswiftfan Marvelcnt Cherlenovix Blackwidow-3Santana1437 Madelineleong Inluvwithfictionalwomen @hidden-treasures21

[smytherines]

Oh my god this got so long. I swore to myself that I was going to be normal about this and not just dump all of my headcanon immediately but like

Do you ever think about the fact that in the 1950s & 1960s there just were not that many nuclear weapons blueprints out there (and most of the document stealing was done by long term plants, not high risk guys like Curt & Owen)

If you were a spy during the Cold War you were most likely doing regime change. You were arming, training, and supplying coups. You were helping set the stage for American or UK capital to set up shop and repress and enslave Indigenous populations and export every drop of wealth possible from the global south. You were fighting a proxy war against "communism" (which often just meant workers striking for better conditions, at least intially) all across the globe.

With that context I think a lot about the coup in Guatemala in 1954, where the CIA trained and armed the coup and overthrew the democratically elected president of Guatemala (Jacobo Árbenz Guzmán) at the behest of the United Fruit Company. Árbenz was left of center, and he had land reforms planned that would compensate UFCO for their land, appropriate it, and redistribute it to workers. Guatemala offered to pay the value listed on UFCO tax documents (1.2 million), but UFCO demanded 16 million

If I start talking about this I'll never stop, but long story short UFCO had spent 50+ years gobbling up all the land in Guatemala, grew Bananas and exported them for massive profits, and terrorized or outright massacred Indigenous workers to keep them in line. The 1954 coup and the subsequent I think its 36 years of civil war in Guatemala is all down to the CIA doing a coup because the head of the CIA (Allen Dulles) was on the board of United Fruit and they wanted that blood money baby. It was a genocide.

Hard swerve back into it here: I don't know about Owen, but at least Agent Curt Mega had a *very* good chance of participating in the 1954 coup. In creating a literal Banana Republic (a puppet government controlled by US interests). I tend to think Owen was there too because it's more interesting that way. I think it's a mistake to focus exclusively on the Russian cat vs mouse and ignore the larger geopolitical context of the cold war.

Owen "dies" because of Curt's hubris- not just the drinking and talking him into risks he isn't comfortable with, but with his job at A.S.S., because someone else points and Curt shoots. In my headcanon Curt helped to create a banana republic that harmed and killed an incredible number of people, and he is just as careless when he leaves his banana peel on the stairs and "kills" Owen. Curt is absolutely firm in the belief that he is one of the good guys. And I think Owen was prolly the same way- until his body got wrecked and he got abandoned by the man he loved and he had a long, long time to think about the foreign policy of his government and what he and Curt really *did* on their fun lil spy jaunts.

If Owen was in Honduras (where they staged the Guatemala coup), then he has to reckon with the fact that he "died" due to *his own* hubris as well. He has to process that he joined the intelligence game because he grew up during the Blitz, during WWII, but that post WWII Britain was doing the same imperialist bullshit the US was. That Owen wasn't saving the world, he was destroying it. He was crushing half the planet under the thumb of British power. He was enacting the very genocides he joined up to prevent. That's why he wants a world with "no more agencies, no more spies, no more secrets."

So when Chimera offers Owen the chance to undermine US & UK interests, to take the power out of their hands by using and discarding a ridiculous n*zi, Owen just goes for it. I don't subscribe to the Chimera brainwashing theory, I like to think Owen joined Chimera because post-banana he became ideologically aligned with Chimera.

I imagine Chimera pulled him out of the rubble and got him back on his feet, and whispered in his ear about US/UK imperialism. We can argue about whether the ends justify the means, whether he goes too far, whether Chimera has pure intentions (doubt), but Owen isn't just some nightmare monster. He tells Curt "you've been blind" and "no one's innocent." He calls Curt a "caveman" and what is it, an "arrogant brute?" He has a rationale. He believes he is right. He's kind of a dick about it, but he has radicalized in a way Curt hasn't.

I think Owen sees Curt as clinging to cool guy spy shit (and the macho straight guy facade) instead of seeing the world for what it is. I think he probably also thinks about Alan Turing, about the UK arresting gay men- men who had previously been considered national heroes- for doing what Owen does (loving a man). I think he thinks about the US doing an elaborate and very public witchhunt of communists and gay people and anyone else who doesn't conform to good ol American capitalism. I think he insults Curt because he has been through a lot of shit that has changed his perspective, and he cannot believe that Curt *still doesn't see it*

I know there's the whole "DMA killed 1147 people, mostly girls from ages 14 to 22" kickstarter joke, but I'm sorry as much as I love Cynthia it'll be a cold day in hell before I believe anything the US state department says.

I don't think Agent Curt Mega is a perfect adorable babygirl who has never done anything wrong, I don't think Owen is (and has always been) a cruel and sadistic comic book villain. I think these are two men who loved each other in a time where it was very difficult, in a profession where they are literally the property of their respective governments. Where they could be arrested and forced into conversion therapy if they were discovered.

I think they were flawed (Curt cocky and careless, Owen condescending) but loved and respected each other as best they could, and when a massive trauma hits them they break different ways. Curt remains the lawful good, but Owen reframes his sense of right and wrong. I tend to think he did legit torture a lot of people, and even enjoyed it, but I think it was people related to these proxy wars, people related to these coups. People who could advance Chimera's objectives

I think Owen tortures Curt because he hates him, and he doesn't kill Curt (despite having soooo many chances) because he loves him. Owen has so much hesitation in the staircase scene. When Curt brings up their relationship he wavers and his face softens and his gun drops. He brings the gun back up, but despite having Curt at gunpoint for like 3 minutes he doesn't kill him. He hates him, but he loves him. If Curt takes the chance to talk to Owen, then maybe...

But Curt is convinced he is the good guy, which makes Owen the bad guy. And bad guys get put down like dogs. The ideological split is something Curt can't handle, so he shoots and kills his unarmed ex-lover. He just needs a win. He needs it to be over.

I don't have anything against anyone else's headcanon, I think it's a testament to how good Spies Are Forever really is that nearly 8 years later so many people still spend so much time taking apart this comedy musical about gay spies. But for me, it's more compelling if Owen is traumatized and flawed and ideologically opposed to the heroes of our story. I think it's more interesting that Curt kills the man he spent 4 years pining for because he can't accept the possibility that he could be the baddie.

Oh god I have to stop this is too much. But yeah. I've got feelings.

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

I would love to hear your extended thoughts about how you thought Invictus went. Any wins or mostly fails? Fashion? Their relationship? I always love your perspective…

I was struck by how fragile and unhealthy she looked. I don’t think she wanted to be there (or he wanted her there).

But they don’t get enough press when they go solo and they needed solid numbers from this event. I don’t think they hit the numbers they needed, btw, and the documentary ratings spoke for themselves.

The fashion was too neutral and the brands didn’t make much sense. I think mall brands are a good idea generally, but you can’t wear Banana Republic to a major event when you wore Hermes to the dentist and on the plane. It doesn’t make sense.

I noticed there was no “heartwarming game show” segment, so that pitch went nowhere.

I just don’t know where they are going with this. They are on a big “I’m just as royal as you, Willy” kick with dueling NATO pics and NY events, and I don’t think it’s going to have the effect they expect. They don’t seem to realize that actually having the working royal job matters.

[qqueenofhades]

Speaking of Jack Smith and the indictments, follow up questions if you feel like answering! What do you think the chances of a conviction before the 2024 elections are? And (more worryingly to me), how much will convictions matter given they don't actually stop Trump from running or potentially being elected?

I've been following the investigations pretty closely, until I figured out last night that there are no laws against running for president from prison, and nothing stopping an imprisoned president from pardoning themselves. @_@ And while no one running for president from prison has ever gotten much of the vote, I have a terrible feeling that's one of those terrible firsts Orange-kun could pull off.

The thing with all this is that it is, for America, completely unprecedented political and legal territory. As such, while we can speculate and infer from what has happened thus far and what would normally be on schedule to happen next, we simply can't be sure. As I have said and as we all need to prepare ourselves for, Trump WILL be the GOP nominee at the time of the 2024 election, and if you thought he and his deranged cultists were dangerous to American democracy before, that's nothing compared to what they would be now. Which means we have the obvious task of all working as hard as we fucking can to get Joe Biden re-elected and given back full Democratic control of Congress. That is and remains Job Number One.

Next, Trump's only play is to delay, delay, delay as long as possible, in hopes of miraculously winning and canceling all the charges against himself like a proper banana-republic Autocrat-for-Life. That is obviously a terrifying idea, so see above: need to make sure it doesn't happen. The good news is that Biden beat Trump last time and if we do our part, he can do it again. Democrats are over-performing their 2020 margins by an average of 7+ points in the last 20 special or off-cycle elections, and while this isn't a sign to think we've got it in the bag and can just relax, it also means that the electoral trends are overall much better for Team Blue than they are for the Group Of Pfascists over there, especially since state-level Republican parties are basically bankrupt after throwing away so much money on pointless Big Lie challenges. Trump and his entire vindictive fascist apparatus is, again, terrifying. But it is not genuinely popular or in the actual majority, and we need to approach it like something that can and must be defeated, and not some unstoppable demonic force.

As such, we also need to recognize that even if Trump does go on trial and get convicted on any number of things before November 2024, which is still something of a long shot just because Merrick Garland dragged his feet on this for so long, he will try every bullshit delay tactic and appeal that he possibly can, in hopes of elevating it to a Trump-appointed judge and/or SCOTUS (he will try AS HARD AS POSSIBLE to get it to SCOTUS, since like every good mob boss, he thinks he owns them and they're obliged to bail him out). We don't know the timeline on that or what the effects will be, but as I noted last night, the benchmark for "progress on holding Trump accountable" constantly shifts and doesn't seem to be acknowledged, even when we are in the realm of the unprecedented for any former American president. And yet we do continue to make progress, and as I say whenever there's a development on that front, the LAST thing we should do is pre-emptively throw up our hands, despair about how it still doesn't mean anything, or just won't work. I know pessimism is easy and hopelessness feels like our default setting; the last almost-decade has kicked the absolute SHIT out of us and I won't pretend otherwise. But nonetheless, this is still happening. We just have to hang in there and do our part.

If we do that, and trust that Jack Smith and co. do theirs (as they have been doing so far), then things will probably, in fact, be okay. We cannot ever make the mistakes of 2016 again, which is why it's so maddening that a significant minority of leftist-identifying people seem determined to do exactly that, but it's certainly not as if all hope is already lost and the indictments will be a magic wand to speed Trump back to the White House (again, God forbid). We have to keep that in mind and our eyes on the goal, so yeah. We can do it and we must, and that's about all there is to it.

[krurbbbylift]

WIP

MASTER LIST OF STORES AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!!!

Adidas:

Aeropostale: 

Abercrombie & Fitch: 

American Eagle: 

Armani: 

Banana Republic: 

Barnes & Noble: Uses Rfid tags and sometimes spider wraps on kpop albums and anime figures if there’s frequent theft in area. Cameras are not actively monitored, but are checked after theft. Store managers are the only ones who have the authority to call the police. Store managers are the only staff who can trail shoplifters, but they will give aggressive customer service if they suspect you. They won’t chase. Pretty easy to lift from. 

Bath & Body Works: Intermediate 

No LP, and cameras aren't actively monitored. The stores are small and have many employees mostly concentrated at the counters except for a greeter who helps customers with questions. They don't prosecute, but they call mall security and will let them determine if police will be called. This is a store only good for small lifts, and then leaving quickly.

Bed, Bath, and Beyond: Out of business.

Best Buy: There is security in the front. They will tackle. Very hard to lift from.

Bloomingdales: 

Books-a-million: 

Burlington Coat Factory: 

Carson’s: 

Chanel: 

COACH: 

Costco: Wouldn’t recommend. Unless you have a gift card, they will use your membership info to find out more about you.

CVS:  Uses RFID tags on some products (some medicines and some makeup) but that varies on the location. Some at locations the security towers don’t go off (don’t risk it). Semi-Easy

 They have no chase policy and workers aren’t allowed to do anything. They can’t stop you, or ask to check your bag unless it’s LP. Cameras are usually non actively monitored. LP rotates regionally, usually working two, 8-hour shifts per week at specific stores.

Dick’s Sporting Goods: Not recommended for beginners. Conceal in dressing room or in tall aisles. Check for stickers/tags and dispose of accordingly. RFID Tags on clothes can set off alarms.

Dillard’s: Hard store. Dedicated LP.

Dollar General: Super easy, conceal in aisles. some stores are going out of business, take advantage of areas without cameras.

Dollar Tree: Beginner Friendly Store 

Oftentimes, the cameras are fake. Few employees are usually in the store. DT doesn't want to waste money on security or LP because their products are cheap. 

Family Dollar: Uses rfid tags on electronics, some hair and body products. 

At most they will have four employees in the store, but they usually only have one or two. Extremely easy as long as you watch over your shoulders. At some locations the workers are required to tell you to leave your book bag at the front. If you're a school student—but they usually don’t care enough to say it or enforce the rule.

Semi-Easy

Five and Below: 

Finish Line/Footlocker: 

Flying Tiger: Medium

No LP, but small with a lot of cameras. Went to one in a mall

Food Lion: 

Gamestop: 

GAP: 

GNC: 

Gucci: Best for a grab and run.

H&M: 

Hobby Lobby: So easy. The aisles are very tall and usually the only cameras are near the front by the registers. Body concealing is recommended.

Hollister: There are cameras. Hook is required to detag. Fairly easy so long as you are not counted for clothes. Security is seldom called, so just be sneaky and don’t get sloppy.

Home Depot: 

Hot Topic: Use Pencil Tags and Ink tags. Sometimes there’s a camera up front near the desk but usually there’s no camera. Depends on the value, store location, and what the item is.

Jo-Ann Fabrics: Just as easy as Hobby Lobby, but there is a camera at the beginning of the entrance. Conceal in blind spots near the back of the store. Watch out for customers.

JC Penny: 

King Super’s: 

K-Mart: 

Kohl’s: 

Kroger: 

Lord and Taylor: 

Lowes: 

Lush:

Macy’s: 

Martin’s (closing): 

Meijers: 

Mervyns: 

Michael’s: Conceal in blind spots, quite easy as long as you avoid cameras. I wouldn’t recommend going super often as most stores exits are located by the registers and you have to walk past a cashier to leave. 

Michael Kor’s: 

Nike: Stickers on apparel tags. Take clothing and conceal in fitting room. For shoes, use structured bag and conceal where there aren’t any cameras. Check shoes for any stickers or tags beforehand. 

Nordstrom: If you are a teen, SA will be on your ass. Not only are they paid on commission, they make extra for catching shoplifters.

Office Depot/Max: Barely any cameras except near the front. Don’t try and get printer ink. School supplies are easy, just body conceal in aisles. Watch out for workers.

Old Navy: 

Pet-Co: 

PetSmart: 

Rite Aid: 

Ross: 

Safeway: 

Sam’s Club: 

Sears: 

Sephora: Crouch down to conceal, and don’t go around in circles too much. If you have a blind spot, gather everything you want, conceal, and discreetly leave. Walk around the check out area so you look like you’re considering purchasing items.

Sheetz: 

Spencer’s: 

Staples: Same as Office Depot.

Stop & Shop: 

Sunglass Hut: Easier to bring an old pair of sunglasses and switch them. Check tags, and don’t go if it’s not busy. LP situation is unknown but it’s good to practice sleight of hand.

Target: Uses RFID and hard tags. Notoriously hard to lift from, build’s cases, and employees and security are allowed to chase.

Things Remembered:

Toys R Us: 

Tuesday Morning: 

Ulta: Easier than Sephora. Conceal in haircare or while crouching. They cannot chase. Watch out for customers and don’t linger around too much in blind spots.

Vans: 

Virginia Diner Shoppe:

Walmart:

Walgreens:

Wawa:

Wegman’s:

Zumiez: 

7-Eleven: Easy to lift food and candy. Don’t exactly know if they have tags but if you body conceal

There's info still needed so dm me to help!

[mycatsaidwhat]

Things I’ve heard professors say pt. 14

-you guys turn in your assignments, that’s so selfish of you 

-have any of you ever been on a sinking ship? Other than this university? Or the American republic in general 

-and then in this next Federalist painting we have the image of the Bible upside down in the hands of Democratic Republicans, because subtlety

-there is a solution to that, and that is called alcohol 

-yeah it’s not particularly diplomatically conducive to assassinate the leaders of the country you’re trying to wage an alliance with. It would be like if Biden met with Trudeau and shot him.

-the US calling their 1790s an “Indian problem” is like Russia saying they currently have a “Ukraine problem”   

-Thomas Jefferson coined the term “coo coo bananas.” It’s right there in the Declaration of Independence 

-*students point out that Tennessee and Kentucky are mislabeled on a professional academic 21st century map of early American colonies* so anyway–

-(student) do you want us to write our essay as if we’re addressing someone who doesn’t know anything about the American revolution, like our past essays?

(professor) Just write it like an essay, Skyler, Jesus  

-the french motto is “liberty, equality, fraternity.” now this doesn’t mean that all the men are going to join a group and paddle each other while drunk, but lots of shit happened during the french revolution, so who knows 

-I know what you’re all thinking--but what about the serial killer polygamist?!! 

-and because every artist thought they were a poet in the 18th century, there is a horrible rhyme at the end of this political cartoon 

-*trips over a wet floor sign* what are you trying to assassinate me for?

-profilers have feelings too, I guess. Actually no, no they don’t, what am I fucking saying 

-i stole all the textbooks so you don’t have to 

-if anyone is bored enough to read John Locke–

-*trying to flip to the the correct map in his slideshow* where in the freaking hell–