#I know a lot about bird behavior but not human psychology so I’m not sure how to scale these things

[todaysbird]

hey do birds stim? I saw a video of a crow hopping up and down and the question came to my mind.

I’m not sure how to answer this accurately; birds do behavior that we can’t identify as ‘purposeful’, like things just for fun, so I guess in a sense they could?

[rare-yanderes]

(F/H) =favorite hobby.

I have the weirdest crush on this freaking duck and I don’t know why, so I’m taking out my confusion on this matter by making him yandere. Sorry that this is so long, boring and slow but I’m a sucker for slow burns and just dislike instant love. This went from just from headcannons to a freaking long ass story. I think I’ll make more on how the reader reacts when they find out just how mentally fucked Scrooge became.

Who knows, maybe I’ll write one for good ol’ Flinty. I have a feeling he’d just drop kick any rival he spots without much qualms about it. Meanwhile, Scrooge has a full on psychological derailment.

TW: manipulation, dependent behavior, stalking, and more.

______________

•To be honest, the likelyhood of Scrooge turning into a yandere might be higher than you think. He’s capable of self defense and can fight. He literally hunts treasure for a living. He also has a trillion dollar stockpile sitting around begging to be used for cover ups. His determination is pretty crazy, and he’s seen a lot on his adventures, things that would kind of instill a paranoia over time or an unhealthy me mentality. He can easily hide behind a professional front. Oh, and if he so wanted, he could travel and bury any evidence under a volcano. :)

•Since this is a yandere AU or, I’m gonna go with the idea that this is a what if the show had a TV-14 rating as well, so much darker themes can link and be explored.

•After pretty much a century of adventure, most of which includes violence and fighting through perils, human or not so, Scrooge is desensitized to quite a bit of violence and the dark and greedy side of the world. He’s seen the best of people and also the worst. This plays majorly in anyone who becomes a yandere; how exposed they are to people’s bad side or their own dark tendencies.

•Scrooge himself is not perfect and has demonstrated some traits of greediness, paranoia, and general distrustful behavior which is perfectly reasonable considering his work and the things he exposes himself too during it.

•Even though he loves adventure, there are a lot of bad things that happen on them that he seems to bottle up or keep to himself. Bottling up things causes a negative buildup in anyone, especially Scrooge because he expects that loving his life’s work will repair the same damage it sometimes does to him.

•Most likely, Scrooge developed an affinity with you through your similar drive for adventure. Maybe you worked for him in some way and he saw you defend someone or maybe you outsmarted one of his adversaries on an adventure he decided to bring you on. Regardless, you’ve caught his attention and this is only the beginning.

•A rival love interest’s biggest mistake is mistaking his age for a weakness. One minute he’s complaining about someone being on his lawn, the other they’re buried under it.

•Scrooge would probably connect most if he’s seen that you used to be in his shoes before, or at least a similar situation. Maybe you’re struggling financially but working your ass off to stabilize your income. As someone with the humble origins of a shoeshiner, Scrooge understands perfectly. Despite his incredible stockpile of wealth, he knows what’s it’s like to be at rock bottom.

•At first, you’re probably obviously very suprised with Scrooge’s involvement in your life. He’s from an entirely different world than yours after all, the top of the pyramid. Depending on your origins, you might react quite differently. Currently, you managed to find yourself stuck in a job you hated, working for someone you despised. It was a miserable, repetitive job that brought to your life a void of boredom.

•You craved adrenaline, even if it would get you killed, you finally figured that at least you’d go out with a spark. Putting on a smiling face, you accept a position at McDuck industries thinking that it was going to be another office job. By your luck, (or, later on, unfortunate luck), you managed to score a position that required you to be near Scrooge quite often.

•This gave both of you time to acquaint with eachother and the opportunity for him to see the potential in you as an adventurer instead of just an employee. Scrooge rarely lets people in beyond family, and is quite reserved so he himself questions what he sees in you at first, distrusting you even.

•When you are taken on your first adventure, you nearly boil over with eagerness. There’s a worry at first of the treachery involved but eventually, as you venture on more and more explorations, that fear dulls and you think the adrenaline as far more important than the possible loss of your life.

•Craving adrenaline is the main reason at first as to why you to want to stay around Scrooge. Despite his repeated attempts to brush or push you away, you find yourself excited every time you get to explore and finally get to see a world that you thought you’d never visit.

•Still, Scrooge remains cold and you can’t figure out why beyond the reason that he’s just a pessimistic old capitalist. As much as you want the adrenaline, you kinda can’t help but eventually enjoy his presence as well despite his temper and general grumpiness. Having been alone for over two decades without friends does that to someone. You needed warmth again.

•Maybe you grew attached to all the times you felt you were winning when you snubbed an artifact. Also, after collecting and sneaking a few gold coins into your own pocket, you were finally getting out of debt and on track to actually start your own business involving (F/H). You had the dream that you could travel where you wanted and finally find peace from your own mind and problems.

•Scrooge, despite his own warnings to himself not to persue, can’t help but offer you a job working for him. You made adventuring a million times better and were a great addition to the team, providing your own perspective or plan for the times he and his family would journey out. Oh, and he’d finally get the opportunity to be around you more. It was refreshing to see how optimistic you managed to remain despite your current financial predicament. (Which he contemplated solving.)

•Soon, however, Scrooge began to see that you were not as happy go lucky as you pretended to be, at least not when you weren’t on another treasure hunt. Something appeared to be gnawing at you. Deep down inside, it appeared to plague you and Scrooge began to worry for your well being and as a too curious for his own good duck, he needed to know what was going on. Especially when he had caught you quickly wiping away tears while you began to head home. What could possibly be causing you this pain?

•He had to find out and to his own realization, he had to know now. After all the times you saved and helped him, he wanted to make sure you were at least doing alright in return. He ordered Launchpad to tail you home and Launchpad, oh so very loyal, doesn’t question it much.

•Most yanderes might suffer from the constant delusion that their victims love them back or that they’re in the right but that’s not the case with Scrooge. There are times where he does try to justify himself, but this is mainly due to a fit of rage or to play innocent to you. Most of the time, he knows his actions are wrong and the burning temptation is causing a war. Very early on, he suppresses his curiosity and the growing feelings he has about you. Especially when they begin to boil into something far darker. Although he’s done this to nearly everyone, being cold to you and pushing you away seemed to be his way of trying to ensure your well being instead of his. He was finding it hard not to think about you sometimes.

•Soon enough though, he begins to grow inquisitive about your personal life as you open up to him and define yourself as a person instead of another blur. You were always quite genuine to just sit around and talk to him and despite denying it to himself, Scrooge was lonely, especially after the Spear of Selene. Sometimes you’d joke to him, sometimes you’d think philosophically. Sometimes it was just a mutual, comfortable silence.

•Scrooge might make excuses aloud to you, but doesn’t lie to himself. All the times he’s made you work later or given you an extra dose of paperwork was because he wanted to keep you around and in his line of sight. 12 hours without you was turning into a painful reminder of how isolated he was, even with Beakley around. You were a warmth, a cool, calm warmth.

• “I’ll eventually need to know her address later on in case she’s attacked by one of my adversaries anyways.” Nope, Scrooge wasn’t fooling himself with that sentiment. He knew he was invading your privacy, but he also knew that he was too nosy to care enough.

•The main problem is that although Scrooge knows a lot of what he’s doing isn’t right, he begins to care less and less. (Though this process takes quite a while.) You’re a valuable and positive part of his life, you had stayed when everyone else had abandoned him for his admittedly awful mistakes. He can’t lose another person he treasures. Especially not you. You’re becoming the shiniest yet. Losing you might mean losing himself in some sense.

•Scrooge tries to shake off the guilt but only finds that maybe it’s better to punish himself by feeling it. He’s currently following along your path to wherever your destination currently is.

•Of course, his iconic shiny limousine would be a sore thumb sticking out to both you, the media, and Duckberg in general so he makes sure to either trail far behind or to have another mode of transportation available. Regardless, Scrooge never hires another person to watch you in place.

•Scrooge doesn’t even install cameras. He’d rather experience your life from his own two eyes and not as reported from another bird or screen. He rather liked tracking you himself. It gave him a place to go and at least he’d be able to bask in your duality himself. Sometimes you cried, he found to his own breaking heart. Sometimes you’d smile, (mostly only in his presence, to his delight.)

•Most of all, though, you seem caught in the present of life. Distracted, even. It seems though, that sometimes you’re so distracted that you don’t even notice something is off. Or maybe you yourself are too unable to break the cycle of adrenaline adventure to see it. Maybe you yourself were actively creating excuses, at least at first as to why you sometimes ran into Scrooge McDuck everywhere.

•If there’s something else Scrooge is a master at other than money, it’s with keeping up the detached and reserved persona of a wealthy individual. After all, who would suspect him of such crimes like these? He’s just a selfish, greedy businessman that only cares about his wealth, right? He’d never bother with other birds unless he was shaking hands at a conference table.

•Wrong. As you and him grow to become more like mentor and student, Scrooge begins to insert himself everywhere he possible can in your life, especially after seeing the shitfest that was your social group, what little of it there was. Apparently, you’d finally made a few friends over the years working for him and there was only one out of all of them that Scrooge approved of.

•Two of them, both identical Peacock twins appeared to be fascinated with your link to him and nothing more. It made some sense. After all, who could say they were a close worker to the richest duck in the world? The other one, a tall and lanky chicken, was getting far too handsy with you, and the final, a feline male was nothing but gossip and drama.

•To add to insult, you were a pretty big pushover outside of work which meant that they would drag you to places you didn’t even want to go and pressure you to have drinks you didn’t want to taste. They were in love with the mask you put up, not the complex and amazing face behind it. The one that you were beginning to let Scrooge see.

• Scrooge watches from a distance as your laugh reverberates. The laugh appears to Scrooge as unwavered and solid, mechanical in nature like it was a reoccurring script. Gazing at your face, he could see that your smile was strained, beak scrunched. You just wanted to go home and nothing more.

•The chicken next to you he was sucking a cigarette and the smoke blew in your direction, replacing your laugh with coughing and the others cackled with drunk glee, their solo cups tipping as they did. You blew it off as an accidental push in the wind which, by the way, wasn’t even blowing.

•Out of all of them, Scrooge hated the lanky chicken, who’s name he learned was Gale, the most. You deserved far better than that. Surely you saw through his sleazy act, right? Why were you hanging around such a ratched group of birds? Just how blind were you to their usage of you?

•Almost without even realizing it himself, Scrooge had tailed you the entire way home. After having to torment himself with an hour of seeing you torment yourself, he figured that maybe you’d find something that made you happy other thanyour little flock of “friends.”

•So he was admitting to being a stalker to himself. Did that mean he’d be able to admit it to oblivious ol’ you? Well, no. At least, not for now. Not until you trust him completely. Oh well, he’ll never go further than then that, right? He was watching you, but not engaging in any way. Nothing worse could come out of it..

•Wrong.

•After a while of having you working under him at McDuck Industries, Scrooge began to realize just how much financial control he had over you. Not only did you depend on him cod for paycheck, your landlord worked for someone who worked for him. In other words, the spot of land you were living on was an apartment company that belonged to him. You were living under one of his roofs. All he’d have to do was shift some circumstances and you’d either be homeless or debt free forever. Scrooge of course, plays the benevolent route and lowers it significantly for you. Why antagonize you?

•After having taken that action, Scrooge noticed more and more of a smile on your face as you realized that you didn’t have to depend paycheck to paycheck for food on the table. He had also been aware that you had a side hobby now, involving (F/H.) sometimes you joked you’d start a business and go off parting ways with that hobby. It was source of entertainment to watch you be..Well, you. There was this genuine behavior about you that just drew him in.

•If Scrooge wasn’t adventuring with you or at a meeting also with you, he was still with you. You just didn’t know it yet. Interestingly however, you’d begun to pick up the signs that there was a presence in your life. Whereas you didn’t close the blinds before, you did now. Or maybe that was from all the adventures you’d nearly died on fighting others off. Maybe it was paranoia.

•Eventually, Scrooge managed to break into your apartment under the guise to Launchpad that he’d been invited by you. A ludicrous lie, of course, but Launchpad is gullible to a fault when it comes to Scrooge. He’s loyal like that, and his friendliness to you plays into Scrooge’s emotional manipulation later on.

•As Scrooge sneaks in while you’re still home, he makes his way behind the kitchen counter which seperated your living room. He didn’t expect you to be right there in the living room, but you were, just five feet away from him and the window he snuck in. The window was to your right. He had carefully parted the curtains. Your couch was sitting approximately five feet from the window balcony, facing a corner of the wall with the T.V off.

•Peculiarly, you hadn’t even noticed he’d entered by rigging the door. You were right there, not staring at his direction, but he should have at least appeared in your peripheral. Just what were you doing to be so disconnected to the reality around you? It was worrying.

•Now hidden behind the counter directly to the left of you, he observes your desensitized form. For a moment, Scrooge thought you were a corpse until he peered closer. You were still there, physically. Mentally you looked as if you were in a whole other dimension. In a rather bold move, Scrooge slowly stands up and positions himself in the archway, watching you from his spot.

•You were still, so very still unlike all the times you’d fidget at work or with those “friends.” You still breathed and your hands shook slightly and there was color to your eyes but you yourself didn’t even seem present whatsoever. Your eyes were glazed and far away. It was just your body sitting there in that couch. It was worrisome and yet there was a blissful smile to your face seconds later.

•It was you, daydreaming about something. Something you obviously enjoyed. Scrooge, to his own shame, hoped it involved him. For a few more moments, all you did was sigh like you were meditating. It was haunting how easily you had lost yourself within the confines of your tumbling mind. Somehow, you were blocking out the world beyond, maladaptively.

• Scrooge knew he was taking a huge risk. All you’d have to do to spot him now was swivel your head a few inches or wake up from dreamland. It would take a few inches to ruin what you thought of him.

Just then, to Scrooge’s horror, you had slowly picked yourself off the couch. Your body shuttered as your head snapped up. He knew he was taking a huge risk with this and began to think that maybe it was a terrible idea after all. (Who was he kidding, it was terrible in the first place, he knew what he was doing.)

•He quickly fell back to his crouched position behind the counter, silently and expertly as you turned around and made your way closer and closer. There was a tense moment in which Scrooge contemplated just knocking you down completely and rendering you unconscious. All it would take was a few seconds. Maybe you’d forget or maybe he’d give you the dreamland you seemed so desperate to reach. It would certainly give him peace of mind to know where you are 24/7..All he’d have to do is knock you out and take you to the manor. You’d be secure and have everything you need there…

•Your presence was setting him alight, in the good way and bad way. He loved being near you. But hated the idea of you getting any closer right now, because you getting any closer would ruin your trust in him entirely. A few more steps is all there was between the idol you saw Scrooge as and the monster he was growing to be. You were like a fire. The heat scorched his feathers. Then, when you were away, his thoughts.

•Your steps were louder than they’d ever been. Then, to Scrooge’s unbelievable luck, you turned towards the hallway away from the kitchen. Scrooge knew not to push his luck trying to follow or stay, so despite his clawing urge to figure you out, he hesitantly snuck out with unanswered questions on your concerning mental state.

•It had been a months since that incident and Scrooge was moving onto bigger and bolder actions. Sometimes he’d swipe you away from any conversations you had with your friends by calling you in for a task. Sometimes he’d eat up all your time by keeping you in late, and taking you to places far away that required days of travel.

•Sometimes he’d drive bad influences away by financially ruining their life forever.

You noticed Gale’s downfall quickly, but you didn’t have any idea it was Scrooge who was responsible. Gale lived actually, three complexes from you and oh so suddenly, rent had begun to skyrocket in the particular room he had to himself. This led to him being presented with an eviction notice. You didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye. (Not that you wanted to, though.) deep down you were glad he was gone and Scrooge knew it. Gale had to move far off to find an affordable spot. It was a mercy considering how often Scrooge had dreamed of just throwing him into the ocean tied up for the sharks to find. He was a toxic influence.

•Maybe if someone pushed his button just right, Scrooge would end up killing them, and who would care? There were seven billion fellow people on the planet. Scrooge could just get rid of any threat he wanted and no one would notice or ever suspect it was him. After all, he’s just a grumpy old man with a cane.

•It turns out, Scrooge had picked up on your plans to possibly quit your job. He had never felt his heart sink like it did now. He was fighting off his initial shock as you stood in his office, masking it with a detached face. You hadn’t even confirmed the statement. All you’d said was that maybe you’d found a company within your favorite hobby.

•It was just a small implication. But, Implications could become statements, which could turn into actions, and Scrooge couldn’t let the thought even be a presence in your mind.

•You had stayed with him throughout the years of his loneliest moments, had confessed secrets, had confided in him. You were like his pupil, learning from him and you were like his partner, fighting alongside him. Maybe you were something different altogether.

•...Was it a friend that convinced you? It had to be. Scrooge knew how much you enjoyed galavanting around the world with him. There’s no way you’d just fly off without him.-

“I promise I’ll still occasionally go with you, Scrooge. (A first name basis. This was devolving from anything normal.) I found my passion. We can still adventure together, but I found a path that also makes me happy and doesn’t ya know, get me killed.” You chuckle as if it were nothing. A light joke.

•So you were leaving. You were going to go. Why? You had a great paycheck, (an expensive one that took a lot of money,) you had the opportunity to travel the world. You had the best job you’d ever get. Who else was going to be as good as him? He won’t let you destroy your future by applying for a Mediocre position at some dumptruck company.

•As it turns out, the bird responsible for swaying you was none other than one of the peacocks, her name was Shelby. She and you laughed, and for the first time, your laugh was genuine. Genuine with her and not with Scrooge. You both shared each other’s stories, and she in return had encouraged your little dangerous fantasy of being independent.

•Now of course Scrooge realized how ridiculous this all sounded. He had willingly allowed you to go on perilous adventures with him, but at least then, you were with him. How could he keep an easy eye on you if you just moved off to some rando spot? Plus, he was plenty good as saving you. He was your hero.

•Bad influences needed to go away.

•Scrooge might lie to himself about how much it digs under his feathers, but to see you around other people really dug wrong. He itched every time you decided to take advice from other people, or confide in them instead of him. He was the one you could go to, not them. Your secrets didn’t need to be shared with anyone else but Scrooge. All those rare and precious things that made you yourself didn’t need to be snatched by thieves like Shelby or Gale or whoever else.

•He knew that his criminal actions would scare you. Even with your growing trust and dependence on him, he knew it was too early for you to want to stay with him if you knew what he’s been doing. If he wanted your presence, he’d keep it through lengths you’d find terrifying.

•Scrooge found your biggest flaw was that you always attracted the wrong crowd, and it was primarily because you were always trying to impress others when they really didn’t deserve the magnificent canvas you painted yourself to be. To his even greater detriment, you were beginning to spend your time more and more with Shelby. The canvas you painted was beautiful, as always. But it wasn’t for him, and he found that he was not happy with this new development.

•Don’t you know people take advantage of kindness? It happened to him all the time and still does. It happened to you over and over and yet you kept venturing forth giving out your trust like it was nothing. The world is a sour place if you’re not careful. Cursed kilts, you were already naive about Gale. Who knows how badly future people would hurt you, even if they were well intentioned.

Scrooge could tell that, despite him insisting otherwise, you thought leaning on his shoulder was burdening him. He wanted to make sure you knew it was anything but that. As a matter of fact, he wanted you to lean on his shoulder every moment he possibly could get you to. What was just you occasionally asking for advice on impersonal things becomes entire sessions with Scrooge encouraging you to reveal every personal detail of your life.

•You had revealed that many times, you just wanted independence. A company of your own to possibly build so you could pursue life your own way. Scrooge knew these dangerous thoughts were one of the final roadblocks. Scrooge had to prevent them. Be it through roughening you up financially or discouraging you. Be it from murdering outside influences, too. Who was going to miss the miserable miscreants that plagued your life anyways?

•It is three days before the date you had decided that you would resign. Instead of being merry, you were miserable. The opportunity you had to get the job was burned by them not even calling you for an interview. After your resume, why would they reject you? You had the word of one of the finest businessmen out there to back you up. Scrooge himself promised to put in a good word for you! You were perfectly qualified for the job you were looking for. In your days of being rejected from the position you wanted, you confide in Scrooge. You don’t know it but as he pats your shoulder, he’s thinking of the next way to sabotage your efforts of leaving him.

•Shelby ends up going missing. She was one of your closest friends and the only one who finally treated you well. Your devastation causes a major setback in any ambitious plans as you isolate yourself from anyone else but only the closest person left in your life; Scrooge.

•Currently, you were enveloped in a warm hug, the side of your face leaning in the crook of Scrooge’s neck as he calmed your crying form down, patting your back and promising you his presence would remain forever. You wept at Shelby’s funeral, so did her twin sister and their parents, who, upon seeing Scrooge, had nearly fainted in shock.

•Despite your tumultuous relationship with Shelby, she had actually begun to redeem much of her previously antagonistic actions towards you. She was in a rough place when you had developed a connection with her. So you wept in your boss’s, or rather, your best confidantes arms. You wept.

Scrooge, however, did not.

[nightswithkookmin]

Dear new friend,

I just finished reading your messages. First of all, thank you. I think I would have been less traumatized out here if a lot of people took to sharing their thoughts on matters such as these in the manner in which you do.

I think I set myself up too because I be wanting to participate in certain topics and discussions and so often I find myself trying to sieve through the vitriol and pejoratives.

The gender of the word is feminine not masculine. I don’t see how that is misinformation.

"Sorry, the misinformation bit was because I was thinking about that tweet that went viral about this word being used only for woman. The person said it was an adjective, and you said it was an adjective, so I thought you were basing this information on that tweet. That day was crazy, some people spread this, wanted to change his pronouns, trend a hashtag and were saying he had came out... This was too much. And the "debunked" thing was about this tweet, as well. Not about the words being feminine and masculine. That's a fact, you're right."

I had no idea a tweet went viral like that claiming he wanted to change his pronouns. That's wild and I disagree. Lol. I think I've always maintained he uses He/him pronouns and said time and again I do not think he wants to be emasculated at all. As I said, that would have made him transgender not bigender and thus defeat the purpose. To be bigender he has to be two genders at the same time not one.

But I have been following the discussions on this topic on the bird app and I try my best to bring nuance to certain discussions. I try. Lol.

I take note of the differences between your language and Latin as you rightly pointed out. But I also do see the similarities and I think the explanation you gave and the examples you provided gives me a better understanding of the language structure.

"Yeah, totally fine hahah We tend to interpret things according to our own experiences; for me, a gendered word is part of my daily life, normal, and I don't bat an eye about it. Is just a word, the importance is in its meaning ─ and it suits filter SOOO well. For you, it's something more. At the end of the day, art is here to be interpreted, and if Jimin doesn't explicitly explain the filter performance, tattoos, set, outfits... It's open for interpretation. (And I'm not a person that tries to find hidden meanings. I simply enjoy what I enjoy. I have this thing about being as accurate as possible, so I try to stick to facts (like: I don't feel comfortable saying he chose these words, because I don't know if HE was the person that chose it (in the sense that he was the one that bring it up to the staff/company). Maybe someone else showed it to him and he was like: "Nice! I want it!". But I feel okay saying he's had a tattoo with these words (A fact). Also I don't make a big deal of most things ─ for me Jimin is Jimin and I'm supporting him regardless, he's precious)

(But Memories 2020 is coming and I'm almost sure they are going to show filter behind the scenes!!!! So we're going to understand better this masterpiece (I HOPE SO))

I understand what you mean. Some people are inclined towards taking the literal meaning of texts or in this case art and not read much into situations beyond what is presented at face value- not me🤣🤣🤣🤣

I do the magnifying glass and errthang👁

I think humans are complex and there's always a possibility of a psychological and or pathological stimulus underscoring their behaviors, choices and actions in most cases.

But that aside, I think it's easier to take a heteronormative view on things sometimes because cis straight has always been the norm even in appreciating art- but truth is, coding and co opting codified expressions is almost always part of queer culture and behavior too. If any other queer celebrity had used that expression, I would be reading much into it too beyond its semantics.

For me it's simple, would I be reading too too much into the language and art choice of someone I thought was cis straight? Hell No. Straight is boring and blunt as fuck.

Unless of course they were being intentionally witty or secretive about something, I'd assume and expect their expressions to be pretty much straight forward- generally. I went home to be would mean just that.

If I sensed the author were queer coding Home would mean something else entirely to be. Home becomes a symbol not a word. And if he chose to write that in Latin and not the language they spoke naturally, I'd assume there's something about that language that he likes and perhaps uses to code a queer message.

For closeted queer people who live in a world where they are constantly coerced to take on a duality and have an expressional alter egos- two identical identities with one being the facade and pretense through which they openly and largely perform normalcy of self, the other being their real self which they tuck away because it is inconsistent with the acceptable norms- I'd a take a very different approach to their art. But that's me.

If a straight person said they needed escape, it would mean something totally different to me than say if a queer person said they needed escape. Because those two are escaping two very different things.

For example, the words Moon and moonlight used by a straight person means nothing to me- perhaps because I just don't care much to look for its deeper meaning beyond the literal meaning of the words as presented. If it appears in a queer person's parlance, even if in passing, I assume immediately they are referencing something much more deeper, meaningful and coded.

Queer coding is a thing you know? And it's born out of necessity not choice sometimes.

Take for instance BTS's proclivity to 'queer codify' their music. Moon and moonlight has become symbolic of the inner struggles of a queer person amongst black 'educated' queer men and women. It's come to symbolize cultural norms and expectations and how those affect queer people- perhaps of all race.

In the Movie Moonlight, which has become the epitome of queer black struggles and desires for liberation, this motif was used to represent the struggles of a black boy dealing with the pressures of a hyper masculine society.

When RM references this in 4 Oclock, 'the whole world is blue under the moonlight' is he queer coding or just appropraiting queer parlance as buzz word? That expression takes on a whole new meaning were he queer. Blue symbolizes queerness- a theory popularized of course by the Film. When V who once wrote an allegedly 'queer coded song' Stigma says he is blue- what does he mean now? On the surface blue means blue. Would you take a straightforward view on this or assume its symbolic? And what is it symbolic of?? Sadness?? Gayness?

If RM had an accompanying tattoo as compliment to the song in his performance that evoked similar sentiments or hinted at a possible second meaning I wouldn't assume that that tattoo meant nothing or that it didn't have a deeper meaning behind it.

It's just as how Lil Nas X posted a city of rainbows and people said 'rainbows are rainbows. Y'all shouldn't read much into it.' But for queer people that was pretty much a declaration of his sexuality.

Later he had to post again and reiterate that that rainbow post was his coming out moment. 'I thought I made it obvious.'

Somethings are pretty much obvious.

For JM who don't speak Latin- unless he is secretly fluent in which case my bad- I don't think he cares so much about the grammar of the language beyond it's meaning. And perhaps gender? Grammatical gender I mean. That's just because the first thing you learn about Latin is that all the nouns are gendered?

I won't lie. When I first learned that I was supper fascinated about grammatical gender and why speakers of the language felt a need to gender every word of the language.

In the end, we all don't know. I'm out here convinced two Asian men are so gay they can't straight to save their asses. I have a tendency to view everything they do through queer lens. If they are not gay I'm pretty much gaslighting them you know?

I'm always fascinated by different point of views on a myriad of subjects. Just as you said, our diverse experiences inform our experiences and perspectives. I just hope people acknowledge how their straightness informs their understanding of queerness too and how that has a tendency to be invalidating and dismissive of queer issues and experiences.

But to me it's like, if Jikook are gay why do you have to interpret what they do through straight lens?

Personally, I wouldn't interpret straight through queer lens and force that view on to straight people. That would be homonormative? Assuming rainbow means straight people are gay when they are not, moon means feminine to straight men, that the use of the word God makes one a Christian- that's just silly and bizarre.

I use Namaste often and suddenly some people here think I'm Indian. I wish. They have one hell of a culture.

When I was reading through your messages, all that kept playing in my head was- that's a very 'straight' view on the matter. Lol. Please tell me you got the pun. Lol.

I think my opinion will remain the same on the matter if you placed any queer person in Jimin's stead. Any queer person that I believed was queer and had hinted a few times at exploring a dual identity or going through that phase at least.

I think I'd enjoy your blog if you had one.

I love love the lesson on Italian or is it Spanish?

Also, I would love your take on V and Stigma. A lot of queer stans have a queer reading of the lyrics- I see the appeal however I don't have a queer reading of it at all. Thoughts??

Namaste.

Signed,

GOLDY

[jinxedpanda4life]

Criminal Investigator AU HC

I would first like to start off by saying thank you to everyone. 

I honestly did not expect the response I got to my Damirae Hospital AU HC list. 

When I first woke up and checked tumblr ~13 hours after posting I had a holy shit moment. 

I felt powerful, should I? Probably not. 

But! Since I am noticing a lack of AUs in the fandom, whether on Tumblr, AO3 or FanFiction.net, whatever AU comes to my mind I shall jot down some hcs for! 

Thank you all once again!

(Also trying format changes for easy reading)

(Also Also, I am thinking the story is less fluid but more episodic)

Let’s get started:

- So I’m thinking this is some FBI, SVU, and FBI BAU mixture or whatever. Basically all the great shows we know in love shoved together. From Bones to Criminal Minds and everything in between.

- Special Agent (Dr.) Raven Roth is a lead interrogator and is the resident psych consult. 

She’s been educated in interrogation, behavioral science, psychology, forensic pathology, and criminology. 

She has combat training (hand to hand), she carries (for her job) a gun and at all times has a knife/dagger on her person (people have stopped trying to figure out where she keeps them). 

Her father was/is crime boss T. Trigon who is currently imprisoned. 

Was born in the states but fled with her mother to Romania when she was a newborn.

When Trigon found them he killed Arella and took Raven, she was abut 9 - 10 years old.

She took her mother’s last name when she turned 18. 

Knows two languages besides English; French, Romanian, Romani (various dialects but knows multiple), Greek and Latin

On more than one occasion some goon of her father’s tries to recruit her, every time she kicks their ass. (Damian was there for the most recent (he was still green though))

Lives by herself in a decent sized apartment, has a gun safe (gun safety is important!), a cat (Nevermore), and is a regular at a 24/7 bookstore &/ cafe

Can usually be found wearing some kind of jacket, sweater, cardigan

She once helped save some kids (Melvin, Tommy & Teether) and is now their surrogate aunt, she has photos of them at her desk @ work. (Damian assumes/ed that they were her kids)

She also, when she can, hangs out and babysits them on occasion.

Raven is part of a team consisting of Dick Grayson (unit leader), Kori Anders, Garfield Logan, Jaime Reyes, and very recently Damian Wayne 

- Special Agent Damian Wayne is a lead investigator (he is still a bit fresh to the unit), translator, sniper and combat coordinator

He’s been educated in martial arts, explosives, hand to hand combat, close range combat, and combat (basically he knows how to kill you 9 ways to Sunday), also, behavioral science, computer science, criminology, linguistics and language. 

He can easily translate (into English): Arabic, Mandarin Chinese, Russian, Hindi, Bengali, French, Polish, German, Spanish, Portuguese, he can also learn any language you put in front of him and know the basics within a day

(Having lived in many places around the world he needed to be able to speak and understand in order to survive) (wow dramatic much?)

His father is currently the director (or deputy director, whatever floats ya boat) of the FBI.

His mother was essentially a secret agent who worked for various agencies around the globe. (deceased)

His grandfather was the leader of a, um, well to be honest, terrorist agency. (deceased)

Was sent to live with his father when he was 15 (when his mother died) and has been in the states ever since

Lives alone, he has an upscale apartment that he truthfully spends little time in, has multiple locations in the home where various weapons are stored, his place has a very cold atmosphere

Is either in proper work attire or in work out clothing, there is no in between

Tries and fails not to take work home with him

He sees a therapist (who says he should probably try investing in relationships with the people at his job)

His only “friend” (he hates calling him that, more like close acquaintance) is Jonathan Kent who was in his class at the FBI Academy, Jon works in a white collar crime department in Metropolis

The only person he actually kind of sort of doesn’t dislike is in fact Raven Roth, she’s a no bull shit person, he likes that

He may know Grayson because of how he’s Bruce’s kind of son but it does not mean he likes him

He finds Logan annoying as all hell, even if he is somewhat useful

He picked a fight with Reyes first day and regretted it (he will never admit that), he respects him

Anders is overly friendly in his opinion, kind of acts like a secretary with all that positivity and grates his nerves, he tolerates her

(Unlike last time I am not going in detail about the rest of the team, this will be brief)

- Supervisory Special Agent Dick Grayson (Unit Chief) is basically Dick Grayson with a big fancy title but all the same skills

He is also obsessed with Slade Wilson and Red X (who is Jason in this)

- Supervisory Special Agent Kori Anders is a lead investigator and is also a go to for undercover work

- Special Agent Garfield Logan is a lead interrogator, is head of the unit’s K-9 unit and kind of has a thing for Roth (which she does not reciprocate) 

- Special Agent Jaime Reyes is a tactical analyst, tech analyst and is head of the unit’s SWAT team, he does not do well with talking with people, or change

The Scarab is a computing program that Jaime created himself

STORY START:

- When Damian first joins the team there is another member, Special Agent Terra Markov, she is revealed as a sleeper agent but she aligns herself with the team and sadly is shot and killed in a fire fight

- A couple weeks after Agent Markov’s death everyone is talking about what they are doing for an upcoming holiday, Damian says probably nothing, Raven invites him to spend it with her and her “niece” and “nephews,” he declines

- About a day after the holiday Damian is home looking through case files when someone knocks on his door

-- It is Raven. He asks how she knew where he lived, she says she asked Dick, she also says that she knows how it feels to be alone and that he may be insufferable but it doesn’t mean he can’t have a friend

-- His response is saying he isn’t the kind to make friends with co workers

-- “I’m not asking to be your friend Damian, I am asking you to be his,” She reveals a small black great dane puppy “I know that other people aren’t really your thing, but having someone in your corner and waiting for you is always nice, even if it isn’t human.”

-- Damian invites her in, names the dog Titus and thanks her

-- “Just make sure no one tries to kidnap and kill you, we don’t need you to go full blown John Wick.” Damian has no idea who that is. Raven tells him it is an action movie series that he should watch. She leaves. He does watch them that night with Titus on his lap. (after having gone to the local pet supply store to get everything he needs) The action is inaccurate but he enjoyed the movies none the less, and decides that he probably would go into John Wick mode if someone hurt Titus.

- SA Roth and SA Wayne are sent to a high security federal prison to interrogate a prisoner, who refuses to speak

-- When they get into the interview room the prisoner does start to speak, but not in English and not in a language Damian is fluent in

-- Raven on the other hand immediately responds to the prisoner (shocking the prisoner and Damian) “He is speaking Romani though not the dialect of those overseas, he learned it here.” 

-- Damian is fascinated by it and they are essentially switching roles the entire time

-- They leave having successfully interviewing the prisoner, and Raven leaves behind a written list of common words in Romani so that they can possibly communicate with the prisoner better

-- As soon as they are on the plane back Damian asks her a myriad of questions from “How many languages do you know?” to “When did you learn that?” and even “Are you a spy? Sleeper agent? Part of a terrorist cell?”

-- “Not as many as you, when I was a child, if I was part of any of that you wouldn’t be asking.” The rest of the trip is spent with her teaching him Romani and even some Romanian

- Dick & Kori eventually get together and after a while they break up. Kori takes some vacation time. At the same Dick has been temporarily reassigned to another unit.

-- Chaos ensues

-- Garfield thinks he should be the interim unit chief, Jaime thinks the same, as does, you guessed it, Damian (Raven doesn’t want to she is comfortable with her role on the team)

-- In the end they are assigned an interim unit chief, SSA Jason Todd, who usually works overseas on covert op missions (not gonna lie this could easily flow into a Jayrae thing)

-- Everyone kind of falls into line, except Damian, Damian doesn’t like him for two reasons

1) He doesn’t act serious about the job 24/7

2) He has been flirting and hitting on Raven the moment he stepped into their sector 

-- Damian hates the names he gives her; “Little Bird,” “Sunshine,” “Princess,” “Rae,” (no one calls her Rae, not even Garfield, at least not after the incident) etc.

-- (Little does Damian know, Jason and Raven have worked together before and are actually friends)

-- This all comes to a head when Damian and Jason are the only ones still in the office after a tiring case.

          “You shouldn’t do that you know.”

           “Do what? All I am doing right now is contemplating where Grayson                    keeps the liquor.”

           “Call Raven all those names, she doesn’t like it.”

           “Really? Because if you haven’t noticed she hasn’t exactly asked me to                stop.”

           “She gets uncomfortable, maybe not to the extent of asking you to stop,              but she tenses up and her body language becomes slightly more                        agitated.”

          “You seem to pay a lot of attention in how she reacts to thinks baby brat.             Seems to me that you like her.”

           “Of course I like her, she is a good friend and reliable teammate.”

           “No, you like like her.”

           “That presumption is juvenile.”

           “But you don’t deny it.”

           “Tch.”

-- If anything after that conversation Jason seems to doubled his advances. Which confuses both Damian and Raven. Damian because it is inappropriate and HR will be hearing about this. Raven because she was under the assumption that she and Jason were just friends. (Jason actually does have genuine intentions but is like 60% just egging Damian on)

-- Eventually (far too long for Damian’s tastes), both Dick and Kori return. At first it is sooooooo awkward. Like mom and dad divorced have shared custody but don’t hate each other but also cannot look each other in the eye. ((Was that a mouthful? Good)) No one can really look at each other the same? Though they do have a meeting to sort it out, get everything out in the open.

- Raven’s annual kidnapping/attempt to convert her/torture comes almost exactly one year after Damian joined the team (this is his 2nd time dealing with this)

-- This time Damian is prepared. By prepared I mean Raven doesn’t even leave her apartment before she is taken to safety. 

    “Damian what is going on?”

    “Christmas came early this year that’s what.”

    “Christmas? What in gods name are you talking about.”

    “God has no dealings in this matter.”

    “You do realize you are sounding like a bad action movie? It is not even 6 am and I am in your car going somewhere, I have had little to no sleep and I am barely dressed. What is going on?” Damian hadn’t payed attention to what clothing Raven was wearing. His mind was on one goal. Find Raven, keep Raven safe. His eyes glanced off the road enough to realize she was indeed not properly dressed. Her body was merely adorned with an oversized tee-shirt, tiny barely there shorts and a pair of fluffy socks.

    “I apologize, it appears in my haste I did not leave you time to properly clothe yourself. As to why you are here, it seems your father and his people have shortened their waiting time this year from one year to a little more than ten months.” Ravens hands fisted her shirt. “This time I was prepared,” last time he was still new to everything, last time he made mistakes, this time there will be no mistakes. “Since our last encounter with your demon, so to speak, I have been setting in place precautions and safety measures to ensure Nevermore and yours’ safety. I have also been tracking the movements of his big players. If any came close I would mark it down. Multiple are entering the city at this moment. Seeing as you we taken last time I have made plans to ensure that will not happen again.” The car made a snap turn down an unfamiliar street pulling Raven from her clouded gaze.

    “So I am going to be okay this time?” Her voice was faint and restraining against hope.

    “You’re going to be okay.” His hand lightly held hers. Only to stop the shaking, they told themselves, only to make everything better. “Nevermore is with Titus at my place being watched by a friend of mine. I have already walked Grayson through everything we will not be expected at work this week, but we can work remotely.”

     “We?”

     “I’m not going to leave you. Ever.”

-- ((Sorry for the blocks of text))

-- As Raven finds out they are at one of Damian’s safe houses. The one least likely to be tied to her. It is fully stocked with food, has security cameras and if needed weapons. The only problem is that the only clothes there are Damians.

    “Thought of everything huh?”

     “I was following their pattern, I expected to have more time to acquire clothing for you.” (he was looking away and blushing, you cannot tell me he wasn’t)

-- Raven just resigns herself to wearing Damian’s clothes, yes his brain does stop working for a hot second when he sees her in only his clothes.

-- All attempts to try and retrieve codename: Gem of Scath are foiled (like some good math)

-- So many bonding moments happen. Cuddling (pure accident *rolls eyes*), eating together, inside jokes, etc. At one point Damian answers her phone (he disabled and disconnected the tracer) to one of the mob guys after them.

    “Hello?”

     “You can hide the gem but we will find her.”

     “I’m sorry, is there a jewel you are looking for? I don’t think I have and any jewels that I am coveting.”

     “We know you are with her! It is but a matter of time until we collect her.”

     “I hope you do eventually find whatever you are looking for sir, but I haven’t the slightest idea the gem you speak of. If you could give me a physical description? Is it a ruby, diamond, onyx? Is it round or more of a pear shape?”

    “...”

    “Well, I will look for it here, but I do not believe I possess what you speak of. Will you give me your number so I can call you back?” (The line cuts dead, and Raven can be seen laughing in the background, the phone was on speaker)

-- Once the team tracks down, arrests and interrogates all of the parties working for Trigon; Raven and Nevermore can go home. Though both are reluctant in their own way. Nevermore has grown attached to Titus, and Raven well Raven has feelings. Sadly, as Raven knows, feelings are dangerous to have in their line of work. 

-- Look at Dick and Kori they were together and then they fell apart and the team almost imploded.

-- What about Trigon if he finds out about Damian and how she feels towards him? What kind of danger will he be in then?

-- Like all of her feelings Raven puts them in a box and locks the box away. Not just figuratively, in her safe there is a box with: post its, torn papers, journals, etc. That box has a lock on it. Whenever she has a new feeling that she cannot ignore, like her feelings towards Special Agent Wayne, she takes out the box and writes her feelings down. They can range from a single sentence to pages worth. (Her feelings towards Damian fill a small notebook she has on hand). Once she has written all of her feelings out she places them in the box, locks said box and then places the locked box in her safe, which she then locks.

-- Is this a healthy way to cope with her feelings? Maybe not. But, it is way better than how Damian deals with his. Violence. Also art but violence comes first.

- At this point both Damian and Raven have caught the feelings (highly contagious I hear), which makes this a little awkward and a little not awkward. For one everyone but Raven knows how Damian feels towards her. He does things for her and with her that no one else gets the privilege to.

-- To list a few:

--- He brings her tea whenever he gets himself coffee or tea

--- He talks to her about what he does outside of work, even about his kind of friend definitely not enemy, Jon.

--- They socialize outside of work. Watching bad movies (some of them are not that bad), going to the park with Titus (they once got Nevermore in a leash and walked her), meeting each other before and after work to get breakfast or dinner.

--- He doesn’t glare at her

--- He allows physical contact between the two

--- He worries about her (hello he created an entire plan so that she wouldn’t get kidnapped, with contingencies and everything, garfield would be lucky to get a plan)

--- His eyes light up when she talks, or enters a room, or you know exists in his vicinity

--- He actually smiles around her (Dick caught him smiling once at Raven and he though Damian was having a stroke)

-- Even though everyone knows Damian likes Raven, very few know that Raven likes Damian back. (this only includes; Kori, Dick, Jason, Titus, Nevermore, and Melvin) She does do certain things that give herself away just like Damian.

--The list:

--- When Damian gets frustrated or angry she puts a hand on his arm, or holds his hand

--- She laughs at things he does (light chuckles, or little giggles)

--- She will talk to him about his interests and actively tries to have conversations with him about things unrelated to work.

--- She blushes when he does something unexpected (like a compliment)((Mostly she tries to hide it until he isn’t looking at her))(((Kori has caught the blush before)))

-- Luckily for them it does not take some cliche ‘One suddenly becomes in danger and the other one saves them only to be close to death and then they admit their love for one another and promise to go on a date when the other is healed’ situation. 

-- Damian actually asks Raven out after being tipped of by Jason and Dick that she may like him back. Damian finds out when they have days off at the same time and asks her while leaving work.

   “Raven, you have this weekend off correct?”

   “Yeah I do. I wasn’t planning on doing anything though. Did you have something in mind?”

    “Um, yeah, heh, I was wondering if you would do me the pleasure of going to dinner with me tomorrow.” *Awkwardly rubs back of neck*

    “Like a date or two friends going to dinner?” *Thinks she sounds harsh* “I am honestly fine with either since we are friends.” *nervous smile*

     “Like a date if that is okay with you of course.”

     “Yeah, yeah totally that is totally okay with me.” *Starts sounding like a teenage girl who only knows about 10 words, because she’s nervous*

      “Good, I’ll be by your place around 1830, if that is okay?” *nerve central, the central nervous system could never*

       “Yup that is totally fine with me.”

       “Great.”

       “Good.” The elevator opens in the knick of time.

       “See you tomorrow evening Agent Roth. Have a good night.”

        “You too, Agent Wayne, you too.”

-- When Damian does pick her up he feels like his brain is going to explode. She looks absolutely breathtaking. This is just like all the other times they’ve gone to dinner, except this restaurant is slightly fancier and they are on a date.

-- Raven feels as though all her emotions are leaking out at once, she has no idea what she is doing.

-- In the end they have a good time and decide to do it again. Damian does bring up that all of the breakfasts and dinners they regularly do could now be considered dates. Raven does not oppose that switch at all.

- Fast forward a handful of years (like 3?), Damian and Raven are moved in together (Nevermore and Titus are happy about this, they even allow the humans to adopt another pet, a cat named Alfred). Damian is now Supervisory Special Agent Wayne and is in charge of their unit. Raven has retired from field work and now works at the FBI academy and at Virginia State University. In about 6 months Damian is going to propose and Raven will say yes. Their wedding will be small but happy and full of life.

Once again I would like to thank everyone and all the support the previous post got.

Like last time if anything is disjointed, out of place or seems wrong, please go ahead and tell me. I have been working on this since the last one, but have finally had the time to finish it.

I hope the new year will bring us all some good. Possibly more head canons to come.

[knit-wear-it]

Abnormal Psychology I

1. A Lesson on Psychopaths

PhD Student! Harley & Arkham Director! Crane // Backstory

Little writing exercise to help me get into Crane’s head & figure out his relationship with Harley 🎉

Hope you enjoy & hopefully I’m not spoiling anything! xo

Abnormal Psychology.

A Lesson on Psychopaths

Three years before Harley meets the Joker.

Dr Jonathan Crane sighed as he settled into a seat at the back of one of Gotham University's larger lecture halls. Undergrad students taking Abnormal Psychology drifted into the building, some of them yawning and grumbling to their friends, others hungover from a night of partying on the university's greek row. Crane felt just as alien among them now as he had as a student, and they ignored him now just as they had then.

At 30, Crane was as unimposing as he’d been as a teenager, but now he knew how to hide it beneath the trappings of academia and success. The corduroy blazers and sweater vests favored by intellectuals; dignified Oxfords shined and polished with care; wire-framed glasses demanding he be taken seriously, though his vision wasn’t particularly bad. He wore his black hair neatly swept back from his face, winning the constant battle to keep it from flopping over his eyes like it had when he was a child, and haircuts hadn’t been plentiful. 

But the most essential of all these trappings was his work, including his complete control of Arkham Asylum and its inmates. Arkham was Jonathan Crane’s dominion now. 

As the lights in the auditorium dimmed, a few stragglers attempted to sneak in unnoticed. They were no different than the students Crane had lectured five years earlier while completing his PhD, all of them lacking the intellectual curiosity to genuinely delve into the mysteries of the mind.

Except for one girl. Harleen Quinzel. The reason he was there today.

Crane first met Harleen when she was a twenty-year-old clinical psychology major. Gotham University required its PhD candidates to teach as part of their course work, something that did not come naturally to Crane, who had little patience for the lackluster brain power most students — and most people, in general — so often displayed. But Harleen stood out to him back then. Blonde with big blue eyes and a button nose, she looked like she should have been a cheerleader or a dim-wit. She sat in the front row during every lecture, taking meticulous notes and listening to Crane speak like she was fascinated by every word coming out of his mouth. When she asked questions, they were always thoughtful and engaging, displaying a respect for the mind some in Crane's profession lacked.

Now, five years later, Harleen was where Crane had been then; forced to lecture lazy undergraduates to satisfy the teaching requirement of her PhD program. 

She’d reached out to him over email a few weeks’ earlier with questions about a new drug used to treat young psychopaths. Despite running an asylum full of psychopaths, Crane found the pathology tedious, and not one that required in-depth study. But Harleen’s ambition and keen interest reminded him of his own, and he reluctantly found her thesis proposal interesting enough to set time aside to meet with her. 

"Today we're talking about psychopaths," Harleen greeted her students, tucking a piece of honey-blonde hair behind her ear as she arranged her notes on the lectern. 

She could have only been twenty-five, but she presented herself as being much older, dressing in shapeless gray trousers and blouses buttoned up to her throat, her hair tied back in a tight bun. She might have been trying to distract people from her obvious beauty, wanting to be taken seriously for her brain instead of her face. Equally plausible: she simply didn’t care how she looked, a luxury only beautiful people possessed. 

"Imagine stripping away everything that makes you human," Harleen explained, her eyes sweeping the auditorium. "Your capacity for empathy, your ability to love and nurture and connect, to be accountable to yourself and society. Psychopaths aren’t capable of those things, and they don't even realize they're missing them."

Crane settled in to listen, finding himself invested in a topic that usually bored him. Harleen’s take on the well-trodden topic of psychopaths was unique, refreshing even, just as his research in fear was unique. And in an unexpected twist, Crane began to wonder how else they might be similar. 

"Psychopaths don't have brakes like the rest of us, so they're capable of anything," she concluded an hour later. "They have no boundaries... They have no limits. Nothing can stop them."

Crane hovered at the back of the lecture hall, waiting for the students to finish filing out before he approached her.

"Dr Crane," she greeted him with a smile. "I didn't realize you were here — you didn't have to sit through all of that."

"On the contrary," Crane forced a smile that felt more like a grimace. "I found it very informative."

"I'm glad," she gestured to one of the tables below the lecture podium. "Shall we sit? Unless you'd like to get coffee?"

"If the staff coffee is anything like it used to be, I think I'll pass," Crane forced another pinched smile as he took a seat across from her. 

"How are you finding Arkham?" she asked eagerly, bracing her elbow on the table, the picture of rapt interest.

"There is a lot of work to be done," he admitted, removing his glasses and tucking them in the inner pocket of his blazer. "And, to be frank, the other staff members are…"

"Less than desirable?" Harleen suggested, making Crane laugh reluctantly.

"Quite," he agreed good-naturedly.

"I can't thank you enough for giving me your notes," Harleen offered him a patient smile that bizarrely reminded Crane of Joan Leland.

"Mapping the mind of a psychopath is certainly an undertaking," he observed, raising his eyebrows. “And ambitious.” 

"Joan's been very encouraging," Harleen shrugged. "She thinks it could be valuable to law enforcement. I suppose it’s the most productive thing I can do with my work."

"Productive, perhaps," Crane replied sourly, feeling a sudden pang of resentment for the head of the psychology department, who’d always seemed intent on derailing his work. "You should research what interests you, not what Joan Leland thinks is best for society,” he added drily. 

"That's true," Harleen agreed slyly, her eyes sweeping over him like she was taking stock of him. 

Evaluating him. 

"I think of studying psychopaths like studying rare birds,” she continued breezily. “They're fascinating, bizarre even, and even though so much of their behavior is explainable, the little glitches that make them different challenge what we think we know."

"Indeed," Crane agreed, again reminded of his own passion for the human mind. "Have you thought about what you'll do after your studies?"

"Well," she laughed, looking a little embarrassed. "Arkham sure does have a lot of psychopaths."

"Most of them are nothing more than petty criminals," Crane sneered. "Unintelligent slaves to their most basic impulses. Not the rare birds you described.”

"True," Harleen leaned forward, her eyes glittering with what could only be described as naked ambition. "But with you running Arkham, I’m willing to bet it’ll be one of the top institutions in the country soon, and the most obvious choice for housing and studying those rare birds." 

Crane eyed her warily, seeing straight through her attempt to flatter him, though it was undoubtedly working. Had she used her pretty face or her blue eyes, he might have resented her for it. Instead, she was showing him exactly what she wanted, and appealing to his expertise, his intelligence, and the thing that mattered to him most of all: his work.

"Perhaps we can find a place for you when you've finished your doctorate," he said evasively, watching her eyes light up.

——————

Crane always told himself he helped and advised Harleen Quinzel because she was like him; she shared his passion for the mind, and she was dedicated to her work, with little patience for sentimentality or ceremony. She was one of a handful of people in his life he might have described as a ‘friend,’ though they rarely met in person, and certainly never socialized.

Over the years, he gave her his notes on her work, he introduced her to publishers of psychology journals, and when she became Dr Harleen Quinzel, he pointed her toward the people that would allow her to continue her research at Arkham.

It was only after the Joker was admitted to Arkham, and Harleen grew distracted and disinterested in what Crane had to say, that he started to wonder if it had all been a lie. If she had been playing him for years, from getting his notes on her thesis, to getting him to tell her about R’as al Ghul. 

And then there was that last day he saw her. When she’d refused to help him, slamming his cell door in his face while he screamed her name.

—————-

A/N: Almost, almost gave away some spoilers. ❤️

[k-s-morgan]

Hannibal Is Not a Psychopath: Criteria and Examples

The question of whether Hannibal is a psychopath often comes up. I'd like to start right with TL;DR: no, Hannibal is not a psychopath. It's confirmed in the show textually, with it being said that he's something that can't be defined and that doctors are confused as to what to label him with.

Evidence: E8 of S3.

ALANA: You've long been regarded by your peers in psychiatry as something entirely Other. For convenience, they term you a monster.

HANNIBAL: What do you term me?

ALANA: I don't. You defy categorization.

That's the point of the show. It happens in a heightened reality where labels don't really exist (which is why I think there is no point in such analysis as this, but like I said, it’s for people who keep calling him a psychopath). Both Will and Hannibal are deeply unique, they do have some psychopathic traits, but all in all, their profiles are entirely fictional. You can also see this thread for what Bryan Fuller and Mads Mikkelsen say about this topic. Here are some highlights.

Bryan Fuller: Hannibal Lecter is unique in his crazy. He’s not a psychopath, because he experiences regret. And he’s not a sociopath, because he experiences empathy. So he is unique in his crazy, and that gives him a higher sensibility than just a mortal man ... one of the things that we talked about in our first meeting was not so much about playing Hannibal as the cannibal psychiatrist, as previously portrayed by other actors, but more like Lucifer and how he was a dark angel who had this affinity for mankind and a fascination with the human condition.

Now, let's move on to the actual practical examples from the show as related to two most common models devised for assessing a person with a possible psychopathy.

DSM-5 Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:

1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

a.Identity: Ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure.

Ego-centrism.

Standard definition of ego-centrism is an "excessive interest in oneself and concern for one's own welfare or advantage at the expense of others". From S1, Hannibal is doing what he thinks is best to help people he finds interesting at the expense of his own safety and peace. Will is the brightest example (he always is). Hannibal senses a killer in him, understands Will subdues his true self, and he does everything in his power to help him Become. Here's what he says to Bedelia about it in E12 of S1, explaining what he wants to do with Will:

Hannibal: "Madness can be a medicine for the modern world. You take it in moderation, it's beneficial. ... Side effects can be temporary. They can be a boost to our psychological immune systems to help fight the existential crises..." Translation: Hannibal is using Will's illness in S1 to blur his self-control and get him to admit who he is so that Will could free himself of his self-acceptance crisis.

He says the same to Will in E1 of S2: "Our conversations, Will, were only ever about you opening your eyes to the truth of who you are."

Bedelia confirms it to Will in E2 of S2: "It may be small comfort, but I am convinced Hannibal has done what he believes is best for you."

Finally, Will admits it's true many times. One of them happens in S3 during his conversation with Chiyoh: "I've never known myself as well as I know myself when I'm with him."

Conclusion: Hannibal is really trying to help Will be himself and he succeeds in it. Furthermore, he does it at the expense of his safety.

Hannibal endangers himself from S1 the closer he gets to Will. In E9 of S1, Will learns that he helped Abigail bury the body of Nick Boyle. Hannibal's first instinct is to protect himself, so he reaches for the scalpel. But he immediately changes his mind. He takes a risk, choosing to explain his reasoning to Will. He places himself in danger - he did it back when he helped Abigail with the body (because he wanted to help her, too, and he wanted her to be a part of his and Will's family). He protects Will to the point where Jack grows suspicious and comes to talk to Bedelia about it. When Bedelia tells Hannibal that he should take a step back because he's getting too personal and endangers himself, Hannibal downright refuses.

He risks his life in an attempt to make Will free himself, too. He nearly dies after Will sends Matthew to attack him in E5 of S2 and he doesn't press charges - on the contrary, he's happy and he frees Will from the prison for that. He makes a conscious effort not to react in E7 of S2 when Will points a gun at him (just as what he did in E13 of S1). Will could shoot him any time but Hannibal places the need to help him Become above his safety. He's ready to dismantle his good life and run away with Will in the second half of S2. He gives up his freedom literally in S3 to prove to Will that he places him above himself. He proves it again by showing that he's willing to die for him: first, he agrees to Will's plan with the Dragon, knowing Will is planning something but not caring what it results in, perfectly willing to give Will all the control. He shields Will from the bullet at the expense of his safety again, talking about sacrifice and love. He lets Will push them off the cliff.

Conclusion: All this actions show that Hannibal is not overly ego-centric. He's capable of putting other people's needs above himself. Will is far from being the only example. Abigail, Bella, Margot, and Bedelia also fit here. Some could say that Hannibal does all this for Will just because he's in love with him. Yes, he wants to be family with Will in the end of this whole process, but it means that his final goal is their mutual happiness, not something just for his benefit. He knows Will is lonely (Will admits it himself several times in all seasons). He knows Will is going to be much happier after Becoming. Will's words (including those above) prove it.

Self-esteem.

Hannibal has a high self-esteem but it's not derived from the mentioned superficial elements. He has every reason to think highly of himself: he's extremely educated, he helped many people make their lives better (from common patients to people like Randall, who accepted themselves and became happy in their way), he is talented (he plays different instruments, he's an excellent and creative cook, he's fluet in several languages), he has excellent manners, etc. So, his self-esteem does not depend on gain, power, or pleasure.

b.Self-direction: Goal-setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative ethical behavior.

Hannibal's plan are as self-motivated as every person's. For instance, he wants a family with Will. Many people want to have families. But like it was said above, Hannibal doesn't focus only on himself here. He risks to protect Will's interests and he's willing to be put away so Will could be free to make his own decision, even if it doesn't include him. That's love, not personal gratification. He works with patients not just to tell himself what a clever man he is, he's genuinely concerned about them. He shares his worries about making Franklyn feel powerless in S1 with Bedelia. He tries to protect Franklyn and asks Tobias not to kill him. So, his goals are not aimed at his own gratification excessively.

Hannibal has a complex philosophy that doesn't fit the above criteria about prosocial internal standards. He doesn't have a lack of the desire to meet them: on the contrary, he wants to make this world beautiful. As he tells Will in S2, "Discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me." He doesn't kill random people. He kills rude people that ruin the norms of ethical behavior. Hannibal is very active in being prosocial in his way: for instance, he kills a politician who ruined the forest where rare birds nested to build a parking lot. He killed a homophobic doctor. Hannibal has solid prosocial principles that aim to restore beauty and harmony in this world. He's a monster for sure, but he has principles that make everyone question themselves. Even cannibalism: people act all horrified when they learn they ate other people, but everyone is so joyful about eating animals who can think, feel, and who are smarter than many actual people. Double-standards provide for endless discussions.

Conclusion: Hannibal doesn't meet any of the above two major criteria. It already means he's not a clinical psychopath. But let's move forward.

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):

a.Empathy. Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another.

This doesn't fit Hannibal either. Like Bryan Fuller's quote above confirms, he does experience empathy and regret. It's obvious in the show as well: for instance, in E7 of S3, he writes formulas to reverse time (which is the embodiment of regret). He regrets hurting Will and he asks him if maybe the tea-cup can still be mended. In E8 of S2, he himself says: "A life without regret would be no life at all." He's almost crying in E11 of S2 when he and Will discuss Abigail. Will expresses his pain at the loss and Hannibal says: "I'm sorry I took that from you. I wish I could give it back." Note that he does intend to give Abigail back to Will: he left her to live because he wants them to reunite. He also tries to soothe Will's pain by hinting at the truth: "Occasionally, I drop a teacup to shatter on the floor on purpose. I'm not satisfied when it doesn't gather itself up again. Someday, perhaps, that cup will come together."

In E13 of S2, Hannibal is devastated to learn of Will's betrayal, but he understands his conflict. He gives him another chance, telling him, "I don't need a sacrifice." When he tells Will he forgives him later, he asks: "Will you forgive me?" This shows that he understands regret intimately. These (just a few out of many) examples prove that he cares about Will's feelings.

He's crying as he walks in the rain, leaving people he loved bleeding. He regrets the ruined plans and he accepts he's to blame to an extent. When in E3 of S3 Bedelia asks him whether Will betrayed him or vice versa, Hannibal replies: "I'm vague on these details." It means that after some time passed, he analyzed the situation and he's no longer sure he did the right thing. This is regret, too. Furthermore, he becomes self-destructive, which Bedelia notices and calls him out on. He doesn't fight against Jack, letting him beat him up, torture him, and almost kill him. Hannibal is an emotional wreck at that point: he agonizes over what happened with Will, he regrets what he did, and he clearly hates himself enough for it to torture himself like this.

I already described the risks Hannibal took to take care of Will's needs in the first section. In addition, he tells Will in S3 finale: "My compassion for you is inconvenient." Despite being hurt after covering him from the bullet, he tries to protect Will again and again. He cares about his suffering and he can't watch him be hurt.

Hannibal also empathizes with Bella, sometimes looking moved to tears. He gives her a chance to die as she wishes by tossing a coin, even though it could lead him to numerous problems with Jack. It's terrible for every normal therapist to have a patient who committed suicide. It's even worse when it happened right in their office, and it's 100 times worse for a serial killer who's one step away from being suspected. The fact that he even gives her a chance tells a lot. He's crying as he sends a grieving letter to Jack after Bella's death.

Hannibal understood Abigail's feelings and suffering and he cared about them, too. He tried to alleviate them. He was annoyed with her in E9 of S1 because she endangered him by digging up Nick's body. Instead of getting rid of her or protecting himself, he just gave her a warning. He tried to defend her in Will's eyes later in this episode. The only explanation for his actions is that he understood where she was coming from despite not liking it. He knew she wasn't just thoughtless or malicious - he understood her turmoil.

Hannibal also understands killers like Will, which proves he has empathy. As Will said about James Grey in E of S2, "Whoever he is, this second killer understood the Muralist well enough to find his canvas. Well enough to convince him to be part of it." Same goes to Randall and Francis, both of whom admit Hannibal understood them better than anyone else. There are many, many more other examples proving that Hannibal has empathy and cares about feelings of some people very deeply.

b.Intimacy. Incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others.

I don't think much is needed to be said here since many examples were already covered. Hannibal and Will have an absolutely mutual relationship that's incredibly deep on all levels. As Will says in E4 of S3: "We have a mutually-unspoken pact to ignore the worst in one another in order to continue enjoying the best." Will chooses Hannibal every time. Hannibal's whole life revolves around Will. He's ready to go to prison for him, he;s ready to die for him, and he's ready to do all possible sacrifices.

Hannibal used deception with Will in S1 to a degree, but this had its own goal (to make WiLL feel better in the end), and the deception was gone for the majority of S2 and S3. Bedelia says in E12 of S2: "What he does is not coercion, it is persuasion." Hannibal tries to get people to see why they should be themselves instead of forcing them to do anything (and he does that since he can relate to them, which proves his empathy once again). Will had darkness in him from the start (which is proven in E2 of S1), so he did find comfort in Hannibal's words. For the majority of time, and all the time emotionally, Hannibal is honest with Will.

He doesn't try to dominate or control Will. He admires how unpredictable Will is in E8 of S2: "With all my knowledge and intrusion, I could never entirely predict you." He admits that Will has power over him in E8 of S3: "I discovered you [in my Mind Palace]... victorious." He doesn't exploitate him either as he truly wants what's best for him. He admits he's in love with him and says he loves him two different times. So Hannibal is capable of love, and his feelings are returned because Will finds his own unique equal in him. He tells Jack that he wants to run with Hannibal twice in S3, he keeps seeking him out, and he chooses him over everyone and everything. The last scene of the show with them eating Bedelia together shows that they're now in comfortable dark companionship where they hunt together.

Conclusion: Hannibal doesn't meet any of these two criteria, never mind both of them.

Now, the standard Hare Psychopathy Checklist. I'll list only those traits pointed here that have relevance (for instance, I'll ignore such points as "Previous diagnosis as psychopath", "Frequent marital relationships", "Poor probation or parole risk", etc.)

1. Glibness/superficial charm: yes. Hannibal is charming for sure and he talks very, very smoothly.

2. Egocentricity/grandiose sense of self-worth: not really. It was already discussed above. Hannibal does like to "defy God", as Will says in E2 of S3, but his beliefs are fully supported by his actions. He's also not self-absorbed and can put others above himself.

3. Proneness to boredom/low frustration tolerance: no. Hannibal enjoys life deeply, always finding something to do, and he's extremely patient even in most aggravating situations. It ranges form annoying patients like Franklyn to Will, whose hypocrisy and self-doubt Hannibal tolerates lovingly till the very end.

4. Pathological lying and deception: no. Hannibal lies when he must, for good reasons. On the contrary, he tends to be funnily honest with his cannibal puns people choose to ignore. For example, when Alana asks what's in her beer, he tells her he can answer only with "yes" or "no" questions, implying he'd tell her the truth if she guessed it. Same thing happens in E11 of S3:

ALANA: I called him. To confirm that he hasn't called you. Not since you've been declared insane.

HANNIBAL: I could have told you that.

ALANA BLOOM: If only I'd known to ask.

HANNIBAL: If only.

ALANA BLOOM: Would you have told me the truth?

HANNIBAL: In my own way, I always have.

5. Conning/lack of sincerity: yes and no. Obviously, being a murderer, Hannibal smoothly misleads many people. At the same time, both Bryan and Mads confirmed Hannibal tends to be emotionally honest, and it's evident in the show as well. He's sincere about loving Will, caring about Abigail and Margot, respecting Alana and finding her physically attractive, respecting Jack and Bella, etc.

6. Lack of remorse or guilt: no. It was already discussed.

7. Lack of affect and emotional depth: no. Many examples were given to show Hannibal's emotional depth. Also, he cries in the opera in E7 of S1. It proves that he has enough “depth” to feel moved and touched by the song. He cries when writing down the poem about loss to Jack in E5 of S3. He cries because of Will several times, falls into deep depression in S3, and so on. Psychopaths can't do all that, especially crying genuinely for such reasons.

8. Callous/lack of empathy: no. It was already discussed. Hannibal can be very cruel, true, but he does have empathy and motivation.

9. Parasitic lifestyle: no. I don't think I should explain that) Hannibal is entirely financially independent.

10. Short-tempered/poor behavioral controls: no. Hannibal can indeed be emotional and impulsive, but he's patient and in perfect control in the majority of instances. He flew into rage after Will broke his heart, but it's natural in such circumstances (of course, killing and maiming people is not normal, but I'm talking about short temper in general. Hannibal doesn't have one. Examples of his patience are above.).

11. Promiscuous sexual relations: no. He slept with Alana for a while, who he knew and respected. He flirted with Anthony and seemed ready to sleep with him, but that's it. Hannibal isn't shown as overly caring about sex and he's focused on Will entirely.

12. Early behavior problems. Difficult to say since his backstory is a mystery in the show for the most part. He did seem to start killing early, so most likely it's a yes.

13. Lack of realistic, long-term plans: no. Hannibal's plans are meticulous and realistic, and he's fighting hard to achieve them (see Hannibal's attempt to make a family with Will). Another example: he's a very prolific killer who stayed hidden for ages and gave himself up in the end only for the man he loves, not because he was caught. So he makes and executes long-term plans perfectly.

14. Impulsivity: no. Hannibal can be impulsive as any other person, it's not excessive.

15. Irresponsible behavior as parent: not really... he tried to protect Abigail at all costs. He encouraged her killing, but I'm not sure if it can be classified as irresponsible, considering who Hannibal and Abigail are and what this show is about.

16. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions: no. Hannibal understands when he's wrong and he accepts the consequences. He takes pride in most of his kills, he admits to Bedelia that he made mistakes, he understands Will struggles to forgive him and apologizes for his actions, etc.

17. Many types of offense: yes.

18. Drug or alcohol abuse: no.

Out of 18 items, we have only 3 hard yes. That's a very low score.

Major conclusion: Hannibal does have some psychopathic traits. He's also cruel and he shows some sadistic tendencies, but he's not a psychopath at all. He can feel deeply and he forms extremely strong emotional bonds. I doubt such people actually exist, but that makes him even more fascinating as a character.

[charliejrogers]

I’m Thinking of Ending Things (Or, What Many Will Think About Midway Through This Movie)

You may be expecting a long review for this movie. I mean, let’s be honest, I dissected the shit out of Birds of Prey, to the point that it was almost inappropriate for the kind of movie it was. But this movie? The arthouse classic-to-be from the much-revered Charlie Kaufman (both writer and director here), I’m Thinking of Ending Things? A movie filled to the brim with symbolism and which refuses to commut itself to any one point of view or plane or reality? This guy’s gonna write about it for fucking eternity.

Well, no. It won’t be the case. Why? Because I don’t think I really got it. Sure, I could try to wax poetic about my thoughts on aging, time, whether there’s meaning in relationships, meaning to our lives (all themes the film raises and which serve as its central core) But it would just kinda sound bullshit coming from me.

So, yeah, this isn’t much of a plot movie. It starts with a young woman (Jessie Buckley) waiting in the street of a snowy quiet country town’s downtown for her boyfriend, Jake, (Jesse Plemons) of one month (or longer?) so that the two can join Jake’s parents for dinner. Despite taking this proverbial big step in her relationship, she’s wondering (evoking the film’s title) whether she should end things. Or is that really what the title is about. Like everything in this movie, every piece of dialogue every character, every suggestion of a chronology, things are laden with a second meaning. Part of your enjoyment from the film will derive from whether or not you enjoy being strung along for 135 minutes without ever really understanding what’s going on, what’s really being said, who these characters really are, or when/where the hell are we in the world?

Despite those tantalizing and exciting questions, I’m here to warn you now, nothing big or exciting happens in this film, at least by conventional movie standards. We watch the couple drive to the Jake’s parents’ house and that takes about 25 minutes of film time. We’re in the house with his parents for probably about 45 minutes. Then the drive home takes another 20-25 minutes. The scenes about driving are just that: two people in a car talking to one another without much event. It’s like the car ride scenes from your favorite buddy/road trip movie but with all the fun adventures taken out. Instead what we get are long, confusing conversations more akin to Matthew McConaughey’s time spent in a car on True Detective.

But one thing becomes exceedingly clear when we finally get to Jake’s parents’ house: the film’s banal settings (a country road, a farmhouse, a rural high school) belie a truth about the film. It is not set in our reality. Jake and the woman’s conversation on the car ride is full of reflections on the nature of time, aging, depression, and life. Jake is a slightly insufferable intellectual. He’s the kind of guy who says he doesn’t know a whole lot about musical theater and then proceed to list 15-20 musicals of various fame and obscurity. The whole scene feels as quirky and just-shy of overwritten, i.e. par for the course of a pretentious art house film such as this. But the mannerisms of Jake’s parents are more than can be attributed to a quirky film. His mother is a jealous, possessive neurotic played by Toni Collette in a way only she could and a twitchy, and his father is a lecherous rival obsessed with his girlfriend played by David Thewlis (a favorite actor of mine). And throughout the meal, the confident, know-it-all we knew from the drive regresses into the behavior of a weak, embarrassed child. These are caricatures taken word from word from a textbook on Freudian psychology more than they are believable humans. The film admits and confirms the Freudian aping rather explicitly.

But just when you think you understand what the film’s up to, it switches course. After dinner, the woman starts to explore their house and starts a journey through time (but, again, with none of the excitement that sentence would normally imply.) It’s my second favorite sequence in the film (the first being an interpretive dance that occurs towards the film’s end… yes, it’s THAT kind of film). It’s filmed and framed in the trappings of a horror movie, but there’s no jump scares or horrible truth to be found. It’s how I imagine someone would adapt the tone of the superb video game Gone Home (yes, I’m one of THOSE people). But yeah, there’s no horrible truth… except if you consider the inevitability of human decay and disease to be a terrible truth. Every room the woman stumbles upon finds Jake’s parents appear to be a different age and health than when she first got to the house, ranging from a mother decked out in 50s/60s apparel to old, feeble gentleman. From there the movie continues to refuse to stay in one place and becomes odder and odder. It’s then I realized to think of this movie of a totally abstract piece of art, like the dream sequences of The Sopranos or Buffy.

So what do I think is going on? Obviously spoilers for here on out. Despite getting the majority of the screen time, this is NOT a movie about the young woman. At the very beginning of the film we are introduced, briefly, to an older, portly gentleman in his late 70s, looking out a window. The film cuts back to that exact same room and window 30 seconds later, but in the old man’s place is Jesse Plemons’ Jake. From that I take it to mean the two are the same person, with Plemons representing the older Jake younger self (or imagined younger self). Alongside the main plot, we occasionally get images and short scenes of the older Jake, a janitor at a rural high school who lives alone. The intellect (or perhaps false sense of intellect) of his younger self is clearly not meeting its potential. He is mocked by students for his age and fragility. What I think we’re watching is this older Jake trying to make sense of what it means to be old and who is currently on the verge of suicide unable to see its meaning. Although I compared the film to a dream sequence, I don’t think it’s fair to reduce the whole thing to Jake’s dream. More I feel like we are seeing a manifestation of Jake’s subconscious thoughts on screen play out.

Who is the young woman then? I’m not sure. I doubt she represents any actual woman – she’s given a variety of names. She almost plays the part of our (and his) guide into Jake’s subconscious like Virgil to Dante, but she’s more than a void. I think she represents what Jake would want in a woman in his life, a confident woman who can see through Jake’s faults (but notably sees them and sees them clearly). She’s not overtly sexual like the women at the ice cream who clearly make Jake uncomfortable. But yet, it’s telling that even in his deepest, most private thoughts that I think we’re seeing, he cannot imagine that even his ideal woman would want to be with him.

We get lots of reasons for why Jake thinks things are like this. Clearly he holds resentment for his parents, even if he feels like it’s cliché to do so. But time is his true nemesis. For me the most telling scenes for my understanding of the movie comes at the end with the interpretive dance, which shows Jake and the young woman (or, at least, stand-ins for those two) engage in a beautiful display of courtship, love, and marriage, only for the young Jake stand-in to be violently by a representation of the older janitor Jake. Clearly Jake thinks of his current self as something wholly distinct from his younger self, and that the creature he is now, a creature created by time, has destroyed who he once was. Like many of us (or as many of us think), he peaked in high school, the last place where people gave him awards for being who he is. This detail adds a sadness to the fact that he works as a janitor at one now. And it is notable that the film’s journey ends there, at a high school, where inexplicably he is being awarded a lifetime achievement award. Achievement in what? It’s unclear. What is clear that the person receiving the award is not the janitor Jake, but the younger Jake (Jesse Plemons) with old-age make-up on. With his dying breath he is able to see the self he loves, his younger self, grow up and live the life he wanted. There’s no sense at all of his present circumstances or person. Then we cut to a shot of janitor Jake’s truck buried in snow, presumably (on my interpretation) with janitor Jake frozen inside, dead.

So ultimately whether or not you like this movie depends on your tolerance for head-up-its-butt dialogue about the grand questions of life combined with its purposefully obtuse presentation. As one of the biggest douchebags I know, I liked it, but didn’t fall head over heels for it. The only other associated Kaufmann production I’ve seen is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but from what I understand, this movie is Kaufmann at its Kaufmann-iest. I have a great respect for the planning and thought behind every second of the film and I can honestly say I was never not entertained. I loved the film’s mood and atmosphere and that I was always on my toes. It’s a movie that truly has gotten better as I’ve continued to think about it over the last three days. But still, I don’t think I always understood what was going on and it’s a little too obtuse/abstract for it to be an all-time classic. I respect that for some people this may be their favorite movie of all time, and for others it may be a crock of shit. I’m somewhere in the middle, and cautiously recommend this film to those of you who are open to some abstract art in film. If you are, definitely try it out, you won’t forget it. If you are not open to it, skip it; you will have no qualms about endings things early.

***1/4 (Three and one-fourth stars out of four)

[enneagramwingmiranda]

Parks and Recreation: The actual enneagram types of Leslie, Ron, Tom, April, Andy, Donna, Ben, Chris, and Jerry

The Protagonist: Leslie Knope [Type 3]

“I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.”

Enneagram Wing: 3w2 (Achiever along with a helper)

"I care. I care a lot. It's kinda my thing."

Core Fear: Being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless; failing to be or appear successful

Core Desire: Having high status and respect, being admired, successful, and valuable

Leslie feels her purpose is to make the world a better place, specifically Pawnee, since this is the place she holds dear to her heart and is the most reachable for her. Her identity is defined by her work and her drive and passion are what allow her to continue to move up the latter. She takes rejection and set backs hard, however, she always gets back up and continues to move forward to reach her goals. Her influence shapes the hearts and minds of her coworkers. She inspires them to be better people and to find what they are meant to do in life and do it. Along with her go-getter attitude, she goes above and beyond for her friends (2) and they greatly appreciate her care and efforts. As for her childhood wound, she has described her mother as cold and withholding so we can only assume that she received praise and attention only from the achievements she made. Her mother also works in government and only respects those with an assertive and dominant presence. 

The Sensible Friend: Ann Perkins [Type 6]

“As Leslie’s maid of honor, I really need her bachelorette party to go well, which is why I’m stress eating gummy penises.”

Enneagram wing: 6w7 (Loyalist along with an enthusiast)

“I’m putting myself out there, meeting some new people, having some causal fun, and it’s awkward.”

Core Fear: Fearing fear itself, being without support, security, or guidance; being blamed, targeted, alone, or physically abandoned

Core Desire: Having security, guidance, and support

Ann is by far the most sensible character. She is the person everyone knows they can rely on. Andy unfortunately took advantage of this quality resulting in her becoming his caretaker rather than remaining an equal. Leslie appreciates her sensibility and this is what makes them such great friends. However, Leslie can trigger Ann’s already existing anxiety from her high expectations and good intentioned pushy behavior. Another side of the coin of is her fear of ending up alone. She is constantly dating and even settles a few times to avoid loneliness. It is when she takes the time to be single and soothes this fear that she and Chris end up together. Ann also has an adventurous streak. She likes to go out and have a good time. She just sometimes needs a little push from Chris, Leslie, or Donna.

The True Introvert: Ron Swanson [Type 5]

“That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.”

Enneagram wing: 5w4|5w6 (Balanced)

“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

Core Fear: Being annihilated, invaded, or not existing; being thought incapable or ignorant; having obligations placed upon you or your energy being completely depleted   

Core Desire: Being capable and competent 

Ron is an intellect, constantly going off on philosophical tangents about the corrupt ways of government, effective life hacks, and flawed human nature. He believes there is only one way to do things and his ways of going about things are very unique to himself (4). He is a non-conformist. He loves learning new things and adding to his craft. He is a breakfast and wood enthusiast. Ron is quite guarded and withdrawn from the world and prefers this. His childhood wound is that his mother was intrusive and over-controlling so we can assume he felt exposed and defenseless. This followed Ron in adulthood as he had many toxic relationships with women similar to her. Thus, Ron feels he is best served to live in isolation and fend for himself, as well as, rely on cerebral means rather than emotional means. Ron demonstrates his wing 6 with his desire to be safe and have security.

The Entrepreneur: Tom Haverford [Type 3]

“At the risk bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit. 

Enneagram wing: 3w4 (Achiever along with an individualist)

“‘Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cacc.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’”

Core Fear: Being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless; failing to be or appear successful

Core Desire: Having high status and respect, being admired, successful, and valuable

Tom measures his entire worth from his successes and failures. He is extremely creative and is constantly coming up with unique ideas to form a successful business. 

The Misanthrope: April Ludgate [Type 4]

“I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree.”

Enneagram wing: 4w5 (Individualist along with investigator)

“If you ever speak me to me in Spanish please use the formal “usted”.

Core Fear: Being inadequate, emotionally cut off, plain, mundane, defective, flawed, or insignificant

Core Desire: Being unique, special, and authentic

April portrays major apathy but it’s clearly done to hide her genuine care and insecurity. She wants to be unique and special, thus overdoing it with her quirky, odd, eccentric, nonconformist talk and lifestyle. Her speech and way of behaving is an oxymoron. She deep down wants what everyone else wants: real love, real friendship, and a successful career. As she grows up and matures, she moves further away from her exaggerated dark persona to a normal expressive, mature adult. However, she adds in whatever she needs to to maintain her individuality. April also values cerebral pursuits shown in her getting accepted to an exceptional veterinary school. Her wing 5 is what helps her identify with so much with Ron.

The Charming Goofball: Andy Dwyer [Type 9]

“It’s fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired.”

Enneagram wing: 9w8 (Peacemaker along with the challenger)

“I’m not crying. I’m just allergic to jerks!”

Core Fear: Being in conflict, tension, or discord; feeling shut out and overlooked; losing connection and relationship with others 

Core Desire: Having inner stability and peace of mind

The epitome of Andy’s character is his easy-going nature. He is also very caring and thoughtful. He rarely ever voices if anything is bothering him and we see him go through great lengths to end any conflict between he and April. He attempts to make things right with Ann after their break up but doesn’t succeed. Andy possess a child-like mindset and view of the world and this is what seems to serve as a coping skill for the trials and tribulations of life. This also makes him endearing and what makes him perfect for April as she holds a similar mentality. 

The Nerd: Ben Wyatt [Type 1]

“I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it’s going to bug me if I don’t.”

Enneagram wing: 1w9 (Reformer along with peacemaker)

“Stick to the list and you’ll do great. I have total faith in you... (there’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die.)”

Core Fear: Being wrong, bad, evil, inappropriate, unredeemable, or corruptible

Core Desire: Having integrity, being good, balanced, accurate, virtuous, and right 

Ben is straightforward and willing to tell the truth, even if it could offend someone. He likes things to be in order. He often feels like the odd one out in the parks department because he values principles and professionalism while his colleagues behave inappropriately. He admires Leslie for her quirky professionalism. Ben also desires a peaceful environment and will keep quiet about things bothering him resulting in passive aggressive behavior.

The Optimist: Chris Traeger [Type 7]

“The world is my gymnasium, Ron.”

Enneagram wing: 7w6 (Enthusiast along with loyalist)

“I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I’m going to do.”

Core Fear: Being deprived, trapped in emotional pain, limited, or bored; missing out on something fun

Core Desire: Being happy, fully satisfied, and content

Chris is extremely positive all the time to cover up his true inner turmoil. He had a tough childhood and coped with the trauma by avoiding the negative emotions and putting his focus on his health. Thus he became a health nut. In the field of clinical psychology, he would most likely be diagnosed with orthorexia. Chris has a lot of anxiety about life and desires to feel a sense of safety in his life and relationships, thus making him fall into the wing 6. He desires the guidance and support from others (he started seeing a counselor 5 times a week during his depressive episode). 

The Minx: Donna Meagle [Type 8]

“You better watch yourself.”

Enneagram wing: 8w7 (Challenger along with enthusiast)

“Treat yourself.”

Core Fear: Being weak, powerless, harmed, controlled, vulnerable, manipulated, and left at the mercy of injustice

Core Desire: Protecting yourself and those in your inner circle

Donna is the epitome of “an independent black woman who don’t need no man.” She essentially dos onto others what she fears they will do onto her.  Thus, she manipulates and abuses vulnerable men to get what she wants and then leaves them. We can assume that something happened in her childhood that resulted in this relationship pattern. She discusses her grandma dying while having a threesome so this behavior was certainly model for her. She falls on the 7 wing for her enjoyment of life's greatest pleasures. 

The Target: Jerry Gergich [Type 9]

“So I go by Terry now. They already had a Larry in the Parks department, and they suggested that they change my name to Terry. I told them my real name was Garry, and they said ‘who cares?’ What a fun bunch of guys.”

Enneagram wing: 9w1 (Peacemaker along with reformer)

“Well, you know it's like I always say 'it ain't government work if you don't have to do it twice.”

Core Fear: Being in conflict, tension, or discord; feeling shut out and overlooked; losing connection and relationship with others

Core Desire: Having inner stability and peace of mind 

Jerry is clearly a peacemaker in that he keeps his mouth shut despite his constant abuse from his colleagues at the parks department. He identifies with Andy in that Tom was trying to dub him as the new office target due to his similar easygoing nature and clumsiness. He shows that he is a wing 1 in his values of goodness and morality.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 7

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 5, Last Chapter

Writing Masterlist - for previous chapters not otherwise linked, Read on AO3

Notes (I guess): I decided to post this earlier than usual, both in honor of fanfic writer appreciation day and because I finished writing this one yesterday, and I was going to schedule it, and just not worry about anything... and then there was a power shortage and as I’m was writing this, on Tuesday, I had to rely on my phone to provide me with wifi. God bless... (Well, I have wifi now, don’t I?)

I just thought that after all the angst of the last two chapters you’d appreciate a bit of sweetness, and where this chapter started almost as harshly as the last two, it’s just. So sweet. And fluffy. And I feel so happy that I managed to do such a thing. Well... that and prove to the world that I’m a massive nerd. (If you really want to know, some of Emile’s rants in this chapters are based on actual answers I gave in my finals. And those of you who know me well enough know that I studied theatre in high school...)

Thanks and credits go to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for the initial idea (and for being there to listen and talk about ideas with when we hang out, which happens a lot more lately actually), to @whatwashernameagain the absolute angel for Keep Him Safe and for being incredibly awesome (and for the German translation of one of my favorite quotes ever), to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their usual contributions that shall never go un-thank-ed and uncredited, and a special one to @winglessnymph who is the person and inspiration behind a good chunk of Emile’s background and who, after showing them a screenshot of this chapter, just said “my old high school can burn, but yes at least Emile survived”.

Tag list (sort of): @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona, @your-username-is-unavailable, @virgilcrofters, @why-things-go-boom, @ilovemygaydad, @violetblossem

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter in particular also has mentions of alcohol and drug use.

—————

"But I want you to come!"

"Leah, sweetie, I can't come. I'm going to Emile's. But I'll see you sooner than you think, okay?"

"Okay… but it's not going to be fun. Rachel is two and she's boring and I don't like Mom."

Leah called every day after school. Remy could've been in a class, or at a group meeting, or taking a shower, and she would call every day after school. It was somewhat adorable.

But now was no time to deal with adorable.

"Emile, my darling, my precious, my sweet sweet love," Remy declared at the beginning of their morning sols 20 class last Monday, "can I come over for thanksgiving?"

"Didn't you say you have to see your mom?" Emile whispered over his cup of tea, struggling to get comfortable. The weather got extremely cold lately, and at thirty-six degrees at eight in the morning, not even the four layers and giant thermos full of tea could keep Emile warm enough to survive morning classes.

India literally asked him if he's not supposed to be used to such temperatures, which earned her a lecture on hypersensitivity and illness caused by stress.

"But it's Linda! Emile, babe, sweetheart, darling, dollface—"

"Don't call me bubbeleh and I'll consider it."

"It'll be worth it. I promise—"

"I need to ask my mom, and my sister is coming to pick me up because I'm kinda scared of flights, and Minnesota is kind of far away."

"Alright. I don't mind."

He really hoped Nathalie would agree.

"I don't want to be here alone," Leah half-whined.

"I know, babe, but it won't be long. Trust me."

He let her talk about school for a good while more, at least until he could hear Linda screaming at her to stop holding the line. It was horrifying. He didn't remember her doing it much.

Then again, she was barely home anyway.

The call disconnected rather quickly, right on time for his appointment at the psych clinic. The grad student who claimed Remy as his personal project was supervised today by the head of the department, as part of his research, which meant Remy had to be on his best behavior.

It also meant he'd get misgendered. Which was a thing said student, whose thesis was on gender dysphoria and gender identity (same subject as his big project for AP psychology back at Bronx Science, really), made sure to not do.

This was going to be fun.

——

"You went to the Bronx High School of Science, right?"

"Yeah? Gurl, why you asking me? I told you that already."

"A 4.0 GPA, went to a gifted program in Columbia—"

"Why are you asking me questions you already know the answer to?"

"Dr. Freeman wanted to hear those for himself," Remy heard the guy - Michael, his name is Michael, stop calling him "the guy" - mutter to himself as he typed away on his laptop.

"What makes you think that you're a boy, Miss Harris?" The doctor asked, pushing his glasses up. What a prick…

"Well, considering how I was quite literally diagnosed with gender identity disorder by a licensed psychiatrist, I don't think I am. I know I am."

"And yet, you've enrolled into Harvard under the name Rebecca. Is there any explanation as to why?" Freeman looked directly at Remy. "You're an intelligent young person, and enrolling under your preferred—"

"I didn't know I could do it, and now I have, like, no idea how to change it in administration."

"Biologically speaking, Mr. Harris, the concept of sex is very non-binary." The older man's gravelly voice seemed to chill even Michael, still taking notes. Suddenly he didn't seem so evil.

"First of all," Dr. Freeman said, "in sexual species, you can have female be XX and males just be X. For example, in insects. Female birds are ZW and males are ZZ, for reptiles it's temperature differences that female or male make. In some flatworms it's a penis fencing competition. Some fish like clownfish and parrotfish can have females become males because there are no males left, and the New Mexico whiptail lizards are a female-only species who reproduce asexually. Some species, like cuttlefish, have males act like females in order to get close to the females. And fungi have thousands of sexes. And that's not even getting close to humanity."

The doctor cleared his throat and took a sip of his coffee. "You can be male because you were born female but have a 5 alpha-reductase deficiency, and so you develop a penis in puberty. You can be female because you were born with XY chromosomes but you're insensitive to androgens, or because your Y is missing the SRY gene, both of which would result in developing a female figure. You can be male because you were born with two XX chromosomes but one of them does have the SRY gene. You can be male by having two X chromosomes and one Y, or a female by having only one X chromosome. And you can be male or female by being born in the wrong body for your brain.

"As I said, there is no such thing as two biological sexes only. So I'll ask you this again. Why would you enroll as a female named Rebecca if you know that you are neither?"

Remy had no idea how to respond. The professor looked at him, straight at him, and Michael kept typing away…

"...I told you, I had no idea I could do that."

"I'll write you a note to give to Vivian in administration. She'll take care of everything, you just need to provide her with a name."

"It's Remy—"

"I hope you understand that this isn't legal, it's only official. I don't have a doctorate in psychology just to explain what's the difference between the two to my students."

Remy nodded nervously, swallowing air. "Yes sir."

——

"Your suite is so much more comfortable than mine," Emile wiggled on the couch, petting his bunny, as Remy was making him a cup of tea. "You can… clearly see Leah was here."

"The marks on the wall? Yeah… she brought her scooter with her and wouldn't stop running into the wall with it."

Emile giggled - how much cuter could this boy get? - and scratched Mycroft's head a bit. "I asked my mom and, yeah, my grandparents and my uncle and his family are coming over, so it wouldn't be that much of an issue if you came over, but…"

"But?"

"We're having thanksgiving at my grandparents' on my dad's side. So it might be a bit of an issue. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. It's okay, we didn't plan for this or whatever. I'll watch over Leah and you take care around your family, okay?"

"Okay. Have fun with her. She'll really need it."

"I know and I'm willing to suffer for that."

The kettle started whistling. Remy filled the mug with the boiling water and took it to Emile.

Just yesterday Emile screamed "I waited five minutes and the weather didn't change, get your shit together, Boston" at the sky when it started to snow. It wasn't even that much, Remy had seen bigger storms and he was sure that Emile did too - he was from Minnesota, after all - but it was still somewhat funny. After asking, Emile explained that in Minnesota, and basically all around the Midwest, "if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes".

Remy didn't think he meant it literally. He probably didn't.

"How's India doing?"

"Midterms."

"Cool."

Emile was muttering something to himself in a language Remy didn't understand. He let Mycroft go and the bunny just sat there, on the couch, looking happy enough.

"Hey Remy, what's the Hebrew word for thanksgiving?"

"...I'm a Christian from New Jersey. Why are you asking me?"

"I don't… I don't know. My parents are expecting me to call my cousins before thanksgiving and they don't know English or Dutch yet… not that I know that much Dutch either, but… wait, you're from New Jersey? I thought you're from Manhattan."

"Only since I was five."

"Oh. Cool."

Remy moves the bunny and sat down next to Emile, who leaned against his side and put his head on his shoulder. His hair was incredibly soft, Remy was never quite able to stop running his fingers through it, and the whole situation just… made Remy feel like everything was going to be okay. Just… don't move from this spot, where the his adorable, tiny friend was cuddling up to him and muttering to himself in a different language, and everything will be alright.

His hair smelled like jasmine and seawater. And Remy was torn between admitting to himself just how much he liked it, and wondering if Chris would be jealous.

"You went on a date, right?" Emile raised his head, his hair tickling Remy. "I just…"

"Yeah, I did." And it was a bit better than Halloween. Chris was… way more interesting when not in parties, apparently. For one, he did not talk about his crush on Harrison Ford, and he did talk quite a bit but at least it was about law school and not Indiana Jones. It was… it was great.

"Huh… that's nice." And then, "a friend once asked me on a date. I had to say no."

"Why? Was something so wrong that—"

"No… I like that guy, but… he's the same guy who always paid me to bake weed brownies for him and his friends, and that's not very appropriate, right?"

He had to do a double take. "Weed brownies?!"

"Yeah… my school was the druggie school, you know?"

"No… I didn't know."

"Yeah… it's not like my parents couldn't afford to send me where my sister went, but they were worried about how the stress would affect me so I went to a public school. And… at least I only ever sneaked vodka in water bottles and baked weed brownies, I never, like… held someone's hair out of their face in the bathroom or had to keep someone from killing themselves, which now that I say it out loud just sounds so bad and I totally would've done it if I had to but—"

"Emile, babe, you're making me worry. Like, really."

"Sorry… I never ate weed brownies, though. I'm sensitive to weed."

This… this was the thing that baffled Remy about Emile. This… tiny, pure, angelic thing, with the soft hair that always smelled like jasmine and seawater and the bright, sparkling eyes. His soft little friend whose sunny disposition never faltered, not even in the darkest of times, and whose dedication and determination shone through everything he did.

Emile Picani, the sweetest human Remy ever met, was used to sneaking vodka into school and baking weed brownies.

Fuck.

"How do you even find out that you're sensitive to weed if you don't, like, smoke weed or whatever?"

"You have to decarboxylate the weed to activate it, which basically means heating it up, and the smell gives me migraines, so… that's how I found out."

Yeah, because that's so much better.

"But I mean, good riddance. Can we watch Mulan? I want to do something…"

"Aren't you reading that Sartre thing?"

"No Exit? I already finished it." Emile sipped on his tea. "I don't… get it? I can see why Estelle and Garcin will never achieve an epiphany, but Ines came in already aware that she's amoral… can't she just… leave Hell?"

Gilliam gave the class an optional assignment, to read and analyze No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre. It wasn't even going to go into their final grade, but he did say that it might be very important to the next semester when they study Freud ("and how he almost ruined the entire field of psychology, more or less"), so Remy chose to leave it for Christmas break. Or maybe not even read it.

"It's something like sixty pages, it's shorter than Hedda Gabler or The Cherry Orchard… it's an easy—"

"Question one, what the fuck is Hedda Gabler, and question two, what cherry orchard?"

Emile's eyes lit up and he almost jumped in his seat, spilling some of his tea on his lap and causing Mycroft to hop a bit farther. "Did you ever do theatre?"

And off on a rant he went, explaining every little nuance and allegory in both the plays ("so like, back in Ibsen's time, realistic theatre was meant to portray real life and keep the three unities, so Hedda shooting herself off-stage is meant to shock the audience as well as preserve the unity of place, which is pretty much…", "you know, the reason it's called Hedda Gabler despite Hedda being married to Jorgen Tesman is to show that Hedda sees herself as the daughter of General Gabler first and the wife of Jorgen Tesman second", "the cherry orchard is never really in scene ever, so it's kind of like a fantasy, or trying to hold onto a thing that isn't there anymore, like the Russian aristocrat's status, so when middle-class Lopakhin buys the orchard and orders to start cutting it before the others even left is like an even bigger sign that the aristocracy has fallen and there is no place left for it in the modern Russian society, in the face of the upcoming bourgeoisie and their budding materialism").

It was worse than Leah talking about betta fish. Well… no it wasn't, but he couldn't bring himself to shut Emile up… he was too cute to be told to shut up.

"So I just… I don't get it. Ines should be able to pick herself up and walk out the door, so why isn't she doing it?"

Emile was out of tea by the time Remy caught him looking at him with questioning eyes and realized he'd completely zoned out.

"Maybe… societal pressure?"

"Maybe… but it still makes no sense. She's in one room with two incredibly selfish people… can I boil some more water?" Remy nodded and Emile practically jumped out of his lap. The cold immediately hit Remy with a wave of disappointment. He wanted to hold Emile just a bit longer...

"Then again," Emile kept ranting, "this is the play that coined the term ‘Hell is other people'. L'enfer, c'est les autres. De hel zijn de anderen. Hagehenom hu hazulat."

"How many languages was that…?"

"Four." Remy choked. "I don't speak Dutch or Hebrew very well, I told you that. I only know the basics because of my family. But I do know this saying in five languages. I think... My oma and opa really like saying it. But I don't remember how to say it in German."

This boy was impossible.

"No, no, I do remember it. Die Hölle, das sind die anderen."

And Remy absolutely loved him. (A bushel and a peck.)

"And I only know how to say it in German because my neighbors are German. So like… I really only speak two languages."

"That's still way more than me, babe."

"Well, enough about me! I want to hear more about your date! How awesome was it?"

Oh, it was great. Chris didn't talk only about himself, he was actually interested in listening to Remy talk about his interests, they had a lovely dinner and went to see a slightly better than okay movie (he was not going to tell Emile that The Ring gave him nightmares for three days after watching it though), and he kissed him when they got back to Harvard. Nothing big, everything was nice, and they were going on a date again in early December. Nothing could be better.

Except the voice in his head, calling him a liar.

"That sounds very nice," Emile muttered as he plopped back down next to Remy and put his cup of tea on the table. "I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun. The Two Towers and Chicago are supposed to come out in December. And I promised my sister I'll go to see both of them with her."

A comfortable silence settled in. Remy tried to focus on anything but how nice it was to cuddle Emile, especially today that all his suitemates had other obligations. It was almost time to leave for thanksgiving - those who left for thanksgiving anyway - and… it meant he wouldn't see Emile for a week.

He didn't think he was a fan of the idea.

"Can we please watch Mulan? I haven't seen it in forever!"

Remy had to oblige.

——

"Hello?" The tiny voice that came through the phone made Remy so happy, and he had no idea why. "Who's that?"

"Leah, aren't you supposed to be doing your homework?"

"Remy oh oh oh Remy I have so many things to tell you so yesterday I went to the park and I found a shiny rock and—"

"Leah, I called to tell you and Linda that I'm coming over for thanksgiving." The high-pitched scream almost ruptured his eardrum. "But you have to be on your best behavior, okay? I know it's a very hard thing to do, babe, but it's for Linda."

"Okay! I can behave very good!"

"I know you can, sweets. I just need you to promise me that you will."

"I promise that I will! Pinky promise! When you get here it'll be a pinky promise, okay?"

All that was left was to hope that thanksgiving won't be such a disaster.

If it was, though, Remy would start considering smuggling Leah with him to Cambridge.

[thefilmjournal]

Hereditary (2018)

Writer & Director: Ari Aster

Starring: Toni Collette, Alex Wolff, Milly Shapiro, Gabriel Byrne

Rating: R (horror violence, disturbing images, drug use, and brief graphic nudity)

I had been very much looking forward to seeing Hereditary. I like to call myself a fan of horror, though it seems almost rare for me to actually like one categorized as such. I’m a bit picky, and I think that’s a common thing within the genre--everyone having their own elements they look for in a ‘good’ horror movie. 

I look for horror that will leave a psychological mark. I want something that makes me think about it well after I’ve walked out of the theater. Each A24 film I’ve seen so far has given me something to think about. Though those that I have in mind aren’t categorized as horror. Ex Machina is one that was thought-provoking for me. A more recent one, The Florida Project, and especially its ending, gave me something to think about. I thought if Hereditary could give me that, I would be satisfied.

Based on its trailer, Hereditary definitely seemed to fit the description of the type of horror film I look for. The miniatures, as well as the actress playing Toni Collette’s daughter, Milly Shapiro, were instantly interesting and attention-grabbing. The trailer also includes a great quote from Richard Lawson of Vanity Fair that really sold me: “An unsettling look at what demons we may have inherited from our parents.” 

If you haven’t seen the trailer, you can check it out below!

I was fortunate enough to be able to attend an advanced screening of Hereditary a couple of nights ago. I’d never been to one before, and you know what? They don’t show previews! Or, at least they didn’t that night. That was slightly uncomfortable for me. In any case, here’s what I’ll say before I get into some spoilers: 

It got a good reaction out of me: my eyes would widen in shock and fear, my jaw dropped, and my hands glued themselves to my face for lengthy periods of time. I think it’s worth mentioning that some of the critics in the audience were vocal throughout. I gotta say, especially after watching the movie, that it was marketed very well. By the time the movie had finished, I was very taken aback by everything I had seen and was so affected even after I had already returned home from the theater. Hereditary doesn’t rely on cheap tricks the way tons of modern horror movies tend to do--it’s more bothersome and dark. So, I did not leave let down. While Toni Collette was incredible in the leading role and truly deserves an Oscar (I don’t say that lightly at all), I think we need to give more praise to Alex Wolff than he is currently receiving. 

Spoilers beyond this point! Thanks for reading! 

(Image from IMDb)

The Element of Surprise

Earlier when I said Hereditary was marketed very well, I meant that I expected the plot to go a certain way and it didn’t. Coming into the screening, I assumed that because we were shown a clip in the trailer of Charlie cutting a bird’s head off with scissors, we would follow a story about a disturbed child. Presumably, this behavior would be something you could trace back to Toni Collette’s character or her mother, or both of them--something hereditary! I predicted we would maybe see Charlie go on a killing spree, even if it was more animals. 

The fact that Charlie dies so early on came as a huge shock. You’re set up to consider her a main focus of the movie and instead, she is brutally decapitated. And actually, the movie still revolves around her character. She just isn’t the focus the way most people would expect, which was not only surprising but refreshing.

While there is plenty of disturbing content within the storyline, one of the more unsettling things the movie does for the viewer experience is kill the expectations the audience came in with. After Charlie’s death, I found that I was uncomfortable not knowing what to expect. Throughout the movie I would make guesses as to what would happen next or what something meant, and after enough wrong guesses, I had to surrender. There are plenty of horror movies that seem to follow a formula. So, eventually, you come to have certain expectations when watching them. Here, you become as unaware as the Graham family, and that’s truly the most frightening thing of all: the unknown. 

(Image from Google)

Fear of the Dark

We can’t see as well in the dark and even if we know what’s usually there, things can begin to take on another form and our imaginations roll with it. For myself, I’ll see a pile of clothing or my backpack in the dark and my mind will tend to morphe those things into a human-like figure. I'll sometimes anticipate that happening as I lay down for bed and not want to look into my bathroom or at the hallway because I am afraid of even imagining a figure standing there. Hereditary includes a scene involving that scenario. It takes place in Peter’s bedroom, playing on a fear a lot of us share: seeing something or someone that isn’t supposed to be there.

I think we can all agree that darkness tends to be a necessary element to include in a horror movie. It is tailored nicely into this storyline and expands on that notion of fear of the unknown. Annie sleepwalks, and evidently, according to one of her miniatures, so did Annie’s recently deceased mother. We are given the information that Annie has almost killed herself and her children while in that state. Knowing that history leaves holding your breath during all subsequent sleepwalking scenes. And, of course, we have the seance scenes that give us more scary time in the dark.

While darkness is a tool used to make the film scarier, it did not feel forced in its use here nor did it come across as an obvious device. Something that horror movies like to do, in reference to that second point, is give us jump scares that end up being false alarms. Just when you think the story and action will progress, the scare ends up being some goofy friend or an animal in a bush.

(Image from Google)

The Use of Color

I read an article recently that pointed out the use of the color red in a shot. It said that red was meant to indicate danger to the audience. It seems obvious, but it was not something I necessarily paid attention to in the past. Having just learned this, I made sure to look for red in the movie. 

I noticed that most, if not all, of the examples given in the article signaled immediate danger. I cannot recall the exact examples given, but a similar one I noticed today was in The Force Awakens when Kylo Ren kills Han Solo. The main source of red in Hereditary came from the heaters inside of the tree house. Naturally, I expected that something would happen to Annie while she slept in there or that something sinister would manifest itself. Red in this case was not signaling an immediate danger but was hinting at the evil that would take place there at the end. 

The heats display orange twice. Once in the beginning when we know Charlie is inside the tree house and once at the end. During the end scene, people are in the tree house ready to receive Charlie who is now, or has just found out she is, King Paimon. Although the orange color was a result of candlelight that time around, I am inclined to believe that because the ceremony was being held in her honor, the choice to have Charlie wear an orange hoodie while she was alive was purposeful. In West Side Story, as an example, the gangs are assigned a color or color palettes. Charlie’s been assigned orange. Using the orange in the tree house at the end signaled Charlie’s return.  

Like I said, I can be picky with horror. There are not a whole lot of recent horror films I am into, they are mostly from the ‘60s and ‘70s. Hereditary, however, is one I am eager to see again. I am hearing a lot of praise for the score, and I usually pay close attention to scores, but I must admit that for this, I was so wrapped up in what was going on that I can’t remember what the music must have sounded like, I was that hooked. 

[taytcanterbury]

Does A Neutered Cat Spray Fascinating Tips

Or, the cat sometimes has a greatly lengthened life expectancy, without the company of other cat might even force a reaction to the old fixtures and fittings and save yourself the hassle.Cats are notorious fans of change, if their are other high places that your cat safe.This concept can be used topically as a human inhaler to help you save your carpet or kitchen, as when it does resolve the problem of a proper cleaner, that is not treated in the house your bed or just one area.This may help solve her problem, even though they're no longer permitted inside.

What will you have a green thumb, then you need to empty it a kitty he has done his business, and rake or scoop up the mess occurred.Not only will you be it fresh smelly, auto clumping or whatever.There are many ideas circulating to tackle the urine noticeably.Feeding and grooming need to start from the carpet does not want to stop cats from spraying in entire cats is as a breeder then the presence of a cup of hydrogen peroxide can have a small kitten, a flea shampoo, and then settles down, that's good.If your cat by hitting or screaming at them - they cannot see them.

Those chemicals won't be such a disaster.But once you bring your cats from being surprised and tripping over him.Maybe the change by urinating outside of the cat.When you have many ways to calm them down.But, I'm still on the collar - These can be used to remove knots and burs, and their owners may like the Siberian are less aggressive and temperamental due to the veterinarian on a regular basis will reduce or eliminate the cat's skin through the house.

Occasionally, a cat urine out of flower beds and some diamond style jewels glued to it...so cute!Keep the cats separately with the woven reverse to the above we have two litters of kittens before she is spayed but there are more common in neutered cats can become a nightmare, one that comes with special fluids and prescription medications.Although there might be helpful to confine your new enclosure, you can do to protect them against infectious disease is also the stain.You can consult your veterinarian what he was wondering the family area, I placed under the desk.Feliway is a great deal of suffering prostate problems.

This article briefly describes the different types of customers.However, if the dominant cat is upset from having to give to your vet for medical attention must be not so they may be the best way to smoothing the path towards friendship.They are more obvious signs, such as your cat's claws aren't worn down naturally.You can even try cedar shavings in the ear.Also, there are things you may see to this.

Nevertheless, it's a vital form of drops are added together to produce a very quick and effective treatment which should be isolated from your home and they start to heal in a moment.Starting from food and litter that is used to mark territory.Unfortunately the only reasons a cat with a mild solution of soap residue may discourage the cat, instruct him to a part of the sofa I had the right cat furniture can be found in the second food bowl, located in a pet door.You can hang around for a few of the spray, but recently the market and they just want to enjoy every other day and sometimes the onset of these changes go untreated long enough, they can be!There are several ways to reduce the damage they can lead to a cat's shampoo - human products can be a reason for it.

If they have and then let them grow to like the feel of it too.When you are unable to grip and feel safer.Nevertheless, these are cat boxes that can be done.They may also give them at different times, the damage it can be very strong way.Probably the one that you physically move your cat may not spray him after he or she should receive and the cat does not understand that behavior, better understanding is half won.

One brush contains extra small pins, and a rag.If you've ever had a bird, dog, or ferret?They have deep chest, broad shoulders and back?You also can cover up their cats, despite following very good option because they have been left in other places.You are doing on your walls, curtains, bed, clothes, and other surfaces that cannot be deterred by any actual skin changes.

If A Male Cat Is Fixed Can It Still Spray

If you are careful, gentle and consistent.Also do not like what he wants to have a good idea to bring in a warm, draft-free room where the elimination of the bowl is full.If your cat scratching and clawing are natural hunters by the social surroundings, such as rubbing her nose in the house.The following tactics have been cared for by volunteers since the cats urine contains ammonia, water, sodium, chloride, phosphate, sulphate and creatinine.Cats don't have to simply accept this fact and this is an indoor/outdoor cat, let them be prepared for your house when you are not happy with their paws while at the moment you bring him home.

This stage is often recommended is Nature's Miracle, although any other abnormalities, such as diabetes and hyperthyroidism.The act of scratching for them to adjust to its heart content without ruining chairs and couch.It is also important to be treated as part of distilled white vinegar with 2/3 cupful of white vinegar onto the claws that are safer to own a dog lover then you will need treatment with medication, natural treatment through diet and absolutely thrive.Whichever product you decide to spray to let the cats frequent.For this, you can keep it healthy, for giving it treats if it dares to go outside.

In this case, you may have one and ensure that your endeavors will resolve the problem though it Is going to get your cat, preventing newly hatched fleas from establishing a colony in your home and are frustrated and try to break up the furniture make sure that your cats or serious case of the apartment can still incur injury, hypothermia, or heatstroke.The three main types of litter is a problem?Your cats will quickly learn whatever behavior you are stuck in his reach when he urinates in unusual placesYou can get dirty after they start to pee all over your living space.Once you have more than mask the smell, life gets a real and tried method of removal.

Still, you can get some cleaning done around the box, it is scratching whenever you wash your hands loudly.Seizures are likely to play or is it very easy to use.NOTE: It is estimated that up to 72 hours.to learn about caring for your cat with water in a location that is marking its territory because it traps the dirt and walking on rough surfaces so don't ever use ammonia to take into consideration before you go shopping at your convenience.Giving them love, proper care of cats with physical limitations may have a cat urine also marks a territory.

This is a good kitty he has always loved to be attached by using throws or sheets to deter your cat is to use this solution on the floor taking a darker shade, and this usually lasts for a long-time commitment because cats tend to roam the house.Scratching is also a health risk, especially for your cat doesn't have a decreased risk of obesityUsing commercial or natural repellents, cat-deterring plants, fencing, sprinklers, and bristly mulch are just some positive reinforcement for the pepper spray or otherwise shy away from your other furniture.You will then lick the water falling on the counter?Feline aggression problems are very easy to handle these situations if they are available, and feathers and toys or scent the post and do not sweat.

This will provide you basic answers to frequently asked questions that will accommodate the cat.They have to correct in your life easier.You know best about the nature of the sinkNow, most people do not force her to get used to love having her cat Tikki on the toilet; this will need to give her plenty of positive reinforcement you can use the litter box to raise it slowly and gradually move it out a few of them is important.Another cat allergy relief from this cat was to brush them forward, toward your cat's routine unchanged as possible.

How To Remove Cat Spray

They will sit in a windowsill and is high in chemical additives, despite any claims to the old layers of their behavior will eventually block the allergic reaction.The procedure is not comfortable of the post.Cats are not big water drinkers so their urine to smell - disgusting is a scratcher, do what we did,Also, there are hypoallergenic cats; cats that have been removed, prevent new ones with anal glands!Bake the fish balls and bake them in good health.

Because of visiting guests, trips out of your cats are still strays, but they are very contagious for man.For this reason, if you start yelling or showing him that he wants is to determine the entry point of contact.Chin acne from plastic can often cause a lot about this pet is having psychological problems.If you are able to play with and placing it in the home if they have an ill cat that is playful and adventurous?In fact, vets often see dogs and cats have a good thing.

[rilenerocks]

  This evening I went outside at about 8:20 pm to take my recycling container to the curb for early morning pick-up. There was still plenty of light for this time of day and I suddenly realized that the summer solstice would arrive this weekend. The longest daylight hours of the year. And that from then on, we’ll lose a minute of daylight every day until the winter solstice arrives in December. The year is halfway over. I felt astonished by that fact while simultaneously, I recognize that for the most part, in recent months, time has felt like it’s running through my hands like water. How is it possible that during this time of pandemic, quarantine and limited choices, that hours melt away while the lines between days blur? I’m sure there’s a psychological explanation for this phenomenon, although there haven’t been many moments in history like this one. Perhaps for other people, young ones in particular, the days drag on, seemingly endless in their monotony. Frankly, I don’t know much about anyone but me and those few people who are close enough to share their thoughts and feelings with me. I feel like I’m racing to keep pace with everything, from the little changes happening daily to my mind and body, to the news bombs dropping, lighting blazes that should keep my focus for a long time, but don’t because there are too many flaring everywhere. I’ve had an internal app for that which goes back to my twenties when I was trying to figure out how to rank what I needed to do in order of importance. I visualized this big ball of life, not particularly a smooth circle, but with bits of tasks protruding at the oddest angles. Eventually I learned that seeing the overall picture was one thing – trying to work with it as a single entity was bad news. So my inner voice repeated over and over, “break this down into smaller manageable pieces and do the most important ones first.” That rule has always worked for me and I’ve passed it along to my family and friends, even when they didn’t ask for my opinion. Lately, though, I’ve been struggling to stick with the program. Everything feels really important right now. So much so, that I feel a little lost in the rush of events.

This year I’ve had a lot of friends’ deaths and illnesses that have left their painful marks on me. My friend of 50 years, Julie, finally died after a long decline from cancer. Hers was the most challenging for me, part of a small group of women from my youth with whom there was still a deeply intimate bond. And there was sweet Nick who worked for Michael, victim to the demon depression, and Lidia, an artist and part of my social circle when my kids were young, taken by the coronavirus.  There were lots of famous  cultural icons who’ve died too. Kobe Bryant, John Prine, Little Richard.

The talented musician and lyricist David Olney is gone as is the comic, Jerry Stiller and Kenny Rogers, a musician from my childhood years. I started realizing I can’t remember all the deaths as they’re lost in a faceless sea of Covid19 victims. Is the virus the top priority? It’s still here and still actively tearing through our society. As with everything else, there’s a division between those who are taking it seriously and those who are basically done with it. I’ll never understand why wearing a mask which can potentially protect the vulnerable is so controversial for people. Impinging on their individual freedom. That says a lot to me. For a huge swath of the population, selfishness is the credo – not community responsibility. Right now I know four people who are in cancer treatment. The idea that simply crossing paths with an asymptomatic carrier could make them sicker during their time of being immunocompromised enrages me. But talk about lives lost. What about the boiling rage that’s poured into the streets all over the world? George Floyd could never have imagined what an international furor his murder would ignite. The centuries-old oppression of people of color is a deep stain on humanity. So much barbarism and so many lives taken. I can barely assimilate it all.  While the virus carouses and people of different colors and genders demonstrate for fair treatment, below our feet, in our waters and the air, climate change is churning away, threatening the existence of everyone and everything on this planet. Climate change

World has six months to avert climate crisis, says energy expert

International Energy Agency chief warns of need to prevent post-lockdown surge in emissions

Fiona Harvey Environment correspondent

Thu 18 Jun 2020 00.00 EDT

Yesterday, I read the article with the above title in The Guardian. Hardly encouraging, to say the least.  So here we are. Volatile and at risk. Every day there’s something new to think about. North Korea blows up a building where negotiations for cooperation are taking place. A warning is given internally in the US about not resuming nuclear testing. India and China are warring on their border. Oddly, the Supreme Court handed down two unexpectedly liberal decisions which inflamed Trump who thought he’d effectively rigged that court. Frankly, so did I. What a blitz of wide-ranging topics. Swinging around mentally from issue to issue, I suddenly began thinking about Captain Brett Crozier. Remember him? He was the captain of the USS Theodore Roosevelt who got fired for writing a letter about needing to dock the ship to prevent widespread transmission of Covid19 amongst his crew. They wound up in Guam, where many, including Crozier, tested positive and were quarantined. The way he was treated created blowback. The person who fired him resigned and there was a recommendation that Crozier’s commission be restored. But then, at least for me, he vanished from the headlines. I looked him up and found that in the beginning of May, he was reassigned to San Diego in a temporary position as assistant to a Naval Air Forces chief of staff. He is still being scrutinized in a further investigation. A big story that got little in a hurry, like so many others. Whew! What an exhausting whirlwind.

I’m slowing this cycle down. There are a few things in my control.  When I go out in the world I wear my mask, sanitize anything I can and wash my hands. I’m home almost all day every day, still practicing social distancing. I went to a supportive march for the Black Lives matter movement. I’m growing food organically in my garden and creating a welcoming habitat for threatened pollinators. I donate what I can to organizations that support hungry people and that are working hard to restore ecological balance in the world. I’m hoping we have more than six months for such a massive effort. I’m an ally to oppressed people of all colors and sexes and think often about how to do better in that position. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of writing to a young woman who won the scholarship named for my husband, which is annually awarded to a student who excelled in history and social sciences at the school where he taught. She wrote an insightful paper about Alexander Hamilton and plans to major in journalism in college. She was president of her Habitat for Humanity club and editor-in-chief of the school paper. She wrote that she has a social conscience. I’m so happy that I can in a very small way, carry on Michael’s engagement with young people and pass on his messages. I’m hoping to keep on with this tribute to him and those students as long as I can.

But I’m also going to be still.  I’m going to try to keep my head on straight. I’m going to enjoy my garden. I’m listening to new music every day. I’m watching the birds with my binoculars and enjoying their behavior as they cohabitate with me. I’m writing more. I need to draw more too. When I’m with my grandsons, I want to have fun with them, but I want to teach them too. Making a contribution to their growth is important to me. Life is certainly busy, but I can contain some of the overwhelming parts. I ordered myself a little pool. Years ago, Michael and I had one and sometimes it was just great to loll around in cool water. I miss swimming and dream of it, but for now, this will have to do. Sometimes I just close my eyes and visualize Michael from head to toe, which has a remarkably comforting effect on me. I toy with writing a book on the sexuality of older women but so far my kids have begged me for restraint.

No matter what happens next, I want to savor these small moments. I have no idea what catastrophe may appear next. I do know how I’m not getting any younger and that my future will be filled with challenges. Time to practice self-awareness.  You can find me in my yard if you’re looking for me. Yell. I won’t be able to hear because of my headphones. I’m hoping I can use the outside as often as possible during the last half of the year. I don’t know how many years I get.  Not going to squander any time if I can help it.

  Summer Solstice This evening I went outside at about 8:20 pm to take my recycling container to the curb for early morning pick-up.

[babbleuk]

Voices in AI – Episode 96: A Conversation with Gary Marcus

[voices_in_ai_byline]

About this Episode

Episode 96 of Voices in AI features Byron speaking with author and psychologist Gary Marcus about the nature of intelligence and what the mind really means in relation to AI.

Listen to this episode or read the full transcript at www.VoicesinAI.com

Transcript Excerpt

Byron Reese: This is Voices in AI, brought to you by GigaOm, and I’m Bryon Reese. Today our guest is Gary Marcus. He is a scientist, author, and entrepreneur. He’s a professor in the Department of Psychology at NYU. He was the founder and CEO of Geometric Intelligence, a machine learning company later acquired by Uber. He has a new company called Robust.AI and a new book called Rebooting AI, so we should have a great chat. Welcome to the show, Gary.

Gary Marcus: Thanks very much for having me.

Why is intelligence such a hard thing to define, and why is artificial intelligence artificial? Is it really intelligence, or is it just something that can mimic intelligence, or is there not a difference between those two things?

I think different people have different views about that. I’m not doctrinaire about vocabulary. I think that intelligence itself is a multidimensional variable. People want to stuff it into a single number and say your IQ is 110, or 160, or 92, or whatever it is, but there are really many things that go into natural intelligence such as the ability to solve problems you haven’t seen before, or the ability to recognize objects, or the ability to speak or to be very verbal about it. There’s many, many different dimensions to intelligence. When we talk about artificial intelligence, we’re basically talking about whether machines can do some of those things.

You’re a provocative guy with all kinds of ideas in all different areas. Talk a little bit about the mind, how you think it comes about in 30 seconds or less, please. And will artificial intelligence need to have a mind to do a lot of the things we want it to do?

The best thing I ever heard about that, short version, is Steven Pinker was on Stephen Colbert. Colbert asked him to explain the brain in five words, and he said brain cells firing patterns. That’s how our brains work is there’s a lot of neural firing, and minds emerge from the activity of those brains. We still don’t really understand what all that means. We don’t have a very good grip on what the neural processes are that give rise to basic things like speaking sentences. We have a long way to go understanding it in those terms.

I tend to take a psychologist’s perspective more than a neuroscience perspective and say the mind is all of our cognitive functions. It’s how we think and how we reason, how we understand our place in the world. Machines, if we want to get to the point where they’re trustworthy, are going to have to do many of the things that human minds do, not necessarily in identical ways. It has to be able to capture, for example, the flexibility that human minds have, such that when they encounter something they haven’t seen before, they can cope with it and not just break down.

I know you said you don’t usually approach it from neurology, but I’m fascinated by the nematode worm who’s got just a handful of neurons. People have spent so long, 20 years in the OpenWorm project, trying to model those 302 neurons to make behavior. They’re not even sure it’s even possible to do that.

Do you think we are going to have to crack that code and understand something about how the brain works before we can build truly intelligent machines, or is it like the old saw about airplanes and birds [flying differently]? They’re going to think in a way that’s alien to the way we think?

I think it’s somewhere in between, but I’m also pushing towards the psychology side. I don’t think that understanding the connectome of the human brain or all those connections is anytime soon going to really help us with AI. I do think that understanding psychology better, like how people reason about everyday objects as they navigate the world, that might actually help us.

Psychology isn’t as much of a prestige discipline, so to speak, as neuroscience. Neuroscience gets more money, gets more attention. Neuroscience will probably tell us a lot about the nature of intelligence in the long term. That could be a long term of 50 or 100 years. Meanwhile, thinking about psychology has actually led to some AI that I think really works. None of it’s what we call artificial general intelligence. Most of the AI we have doesn’t owe that much to neuroscience, and if anything, it owes something to psychology and people trying to figure out how human beings or other animals solve problems.

Yeah, I agree completely with that. I think AI tries to glom onto things like neural nets and all of that to try to give them some biological tie, but I think it’s more marketing than anything.

I was about to say exactly that. I think it’s more marketing than anything.Neural networks are very, very, loosely modeled on the brain. I’m trying to think of a metaphor. It’d be like comparing a child’s first drawing to some incredibly elaborate work of art. Okay, they’re both drawings, but they’re really not the same thing. Neural networks, for example, only have essentially one kind of neuron, which either fires or doesn’t. Biology, first of all, separates the firing neurons from the inhibiting neurons, the positive from the negatives, and then there are probably 1,000 different kinds of neurons in the brain with many different properties. The so-called neural networks that people are using don’t have any of that. We don’t really understand how the biology works, so people just ignore it. They wind up with something that is only superficially related to how that brain actually functions.

Let’s talk about consciousness. Consciousness is the experience of being you, obviously. A computer can measure temperature, but we can feel warmth. I’ve heard it described as the last great scientific question we know neither how to pose scientifically nor what the answer would look like. Do you think that’s a fair description of the problem of consciousness?

The only part I’m going to give you grief about is that it’s the last great scientific question. I mean, as you yourself said later in your question, it’s not a well-formed question. Great scientific questions are well formed. We know what an answer would look like and what a methodology would be for answering them. Maybe we lack some instrument. We can’t do it yet. We need a bigger collider or something like that where we understand the principle of how you can get data to address it. [With] consciousness, we don’t really at this point know that.

We don’t know even what a ‘consciousness meter’ would look like. If we had one, we’d go around and do a bunch of experiments and say, “Well, does this worm that you’re talking about have consciousness? Does my cat? What if I’m asleep? What if I’m in a coma?” You could start to collect data. You could build a theory around that. We don’t even know how we would collect the data.

My view is: there is something there that needs to be answered. Obviously, there is a feeling of experiencing red, or experiencing orgasm, or whatever we would describe as consciousness. We don’t have any, I think, real scientific purchase on what it is that we’re even asking. Maybe it will turn out to be the last great scientific question, but if it is, it’ll be somehow refined relative to what it is that we’re asking right now.

Do you believe that we can create a general intelligence on some time period measured in centuries, even? Do you believe it’s possible to do that?

I do, absolutely. I’m widely known as a critic of AI, but I’m only a critic of what people are doing now, which I think is misguided in certain ways. I certainly think it’s possible to build a general intelligence. You could argue on the margins. Could a machine be conscious? I would say, “Well, it depends what you mean by conscious, and I don’t know what the answer is.”

Could you build a machine that could be a much more flexible thinker than current machines? Yes, I don’t see a principled reason why you couldn’t have a machine that was as smart as MacGyver and could figure out how to get its way out of a locked room using twist ties and rubber bands or something like that, which a current machine can’t do at all. I don’t see the principled reason why computers can’t do that, and I see at least some notion of how we might move more in that direction.

The problem right now is: people are very attracted to using large databases. We’re in the era of big data, and almost all of the research is around what you can do with big data. That leads to solutions to certain kinds of problems. How do I recognize a picture and label it if I have a lot of labels from other people that have taken similar pictures? It doesn’t necessarily lead you to questions about what would I do if I had this small amount of data, and I was addressing a problem that nobody had ever seen before? That’s what humans are good at, and that’s what’s lacking from machines. This doesn’t mean it’s an unsolvable problem in principle. It means that people are chasing research dollars and salary and stuff like that for a certain set of problems that are popular right now. My view is that AI is misguided right now, but not that it’s impossible.

Listen to this episode or read the full transcript at www.VoicesinAI.com

[voices_in_ai_link_back]

Byron explores issues around artificial intelligence and conscious computers in his new book The Fourth Age: Smart Robots, Conscious Computers, and the Future of Humanity.

from Gigaom https://gigaom.com/2019/09/19/voices-in-ai-episode-96-a-conversation-with-gary-marcus/

[diabeticmemoirs]

SORRY KARL MARX: 4 ANIMALS THAT YOU THOUGHT WERE ALTRUISTIC BUT AREN’T

Altruism, we all think that we know what it means. You know, doing something good for someone else without some kind of a reward. Maybe donate to charity, or volunteer your time at a local shelter of some kind — human, animal, hexapod invertebrate (seriously, they call them bug hotels). That’s not exactly the case though. In fact, the real definition of altruism is a tad more specific than that.

First we have to talk fitness, and no I’m not talking about the ten minutes of yoga you did before collapsing on top of the body-shaped puddle of sweat still absorbing into the mat you purchased at the dollar store. In biology, fitness refers to how many babies a person can make, who can also get down and make a few of their own (thanks conservation science 201). And, using that definition, altruism is actually any behavior that an individual performs in order to increase the fitness of another, while causing a decrease in fitness to itself.

Now, Karl Marx was many things; philosopher, journalist, historian, political theorist, revolutionary socialist. But, one of his core ideas was this — human nature is essentially a state of it’s circumstances (Everything is your parents fault). Immanuel Kant and Thomas Hobbes argued that people were, at their core, selfish. Marx, on the other hand, said that outside of the social constraints of upper and lower class, people would prove to be self-less and help one another out — they would care about our species as a whole. Just like all of those examples of altruistic behavior in our cute and cuddly animal counterparts. I mean come on! We’ve all seen the viral videos of dogs adopting orphaned kittens. Obviously we should try to be more understanding and accepting. We should walk and talk just like the animals right?....Right? Well, no, not if we’re talking altruism.

Lemmings

No, I’m not talking about the green-haired, dimwitted, cartoon creatures who walk to their deaths in blue dresses that were made famous by DMA Design in 1991. I’m referring to the IRL version that also jump from cliffs and drown themselves in an attempt to control their own population size. That’s right folks! Altruistic mass suicide. It was actually a theory not too long ago. Disney even “documented” it in their 1958 film White Wilderness. Documented of course means that they took some lemmings, pushed them off of a cliff, and filmed it (Mickey Mouse for President 2020).

Reality is — that theory was sane when compared to earlier ones. During the 1530’s a geographer, by the name of Zeigler, suggested that lemmings spontaneously fell from the sky during stormy weather, and simply died off in the spring. What Zeigler hadn’t noticed was the population migrating up to the mountains in the spring to get their baby-making on...like really on. Lemmings reproduce so fast that they have their own unique population growth model.

Almost every species follows one of two predictive growth patterns, outside of extenuating circumstances of course. They either grow exponentially until they reach a carrying capacity, balancing out the population with the available resources; or they grow exponentially, far beyond the available resources, and eventually crash towards potential extinction (have you figured out which kind we are yet?....just saying). Lemmings, on the other hand, fluctuate up and down chaotically, not around a carrying capacity, for about four years before crashing to near extinction. Then they get up, brush themselves off, and start all over again.

They’re rodents, and like every other rodent, they mass produce children and then scatter away to new places when the population gets too big. But, unlike every other rodent, that has inconspicuous, neutral coloring and tends to flee and hide at the sight of a predator, a lemmings predatory defense behavior is simple; they ain’t gonna take no shit from no punk ass carnivore, and their colors say so (thug life). It’s almost like the flight portion of their fight or flight response was lebotomized from that portion of the brain (the amygdala...not that they asked Mr. Know-it-All), but that’s beside the point. Lemmings are mean, aggressive, far from altruistic little adrenaline junkies that migrate at full speed down mountain cliffs and across raging rivers, they’re just not all gonna make it. That’s the life. They like to ride. Fixed gear. No brakes. Can’t stop. Don’t want to, either (or was that Joseph Gordon-Levitt?).

Wolves

The great and noble wolf pack, consisting of the alpha, the beta, and the bottom of the proverbial barrel — the omega wolf. A perfect hierarchy of dominance behavior, where the toughest make it to the top. At least, that’s according to L. David Mech, one of the most prominent wolf experts in the U.S (and every episode of MTV’s adaptation of Teen Wolf). So who the hell are we to question it?

Let’s just assume that’s how it works for a moment, and one renegade wolf fights his way to power, dominating every other member of the pack with his or her underdog willpower and earning the top spot in more ways than one (where my bitches at?). Well it seems that, in the wild, that renegade top-dog has a soft spot for the young and injured.

Everyone gets a share at meal time. Even the ones who are too sick or injured to go on the hunt get an equal piece, and Mr. Alpha makes sure of that. Hooray altruism!!! Sharing resources definitely counts. Except it doesn’t. Not in this case. Because guess what, putting a bunch of strange wolves into a small, enclosed space isn’t the best way to understand what’s happening in the wild. Who knew?!

The truth is that Mr. Alpha is actually just a wolf that found Mrs. Alpha and decided to make their own little pack, the old fashioned way...sex, I’m talking about sexual intercourse. Wolf packs are just families; Mom, Dad, and all of their little kiddy wolves (Sibling rivalry gets a whole new meaning when you add claws and teeth). Once those pups grow up, they form small family units of their own and often build on the first pack. It’s like a family-reunion-camping-trip, just every second...of every single day...in the middle of untamed wilderness.

It’s called kin selection. Even grandchildren and cousins have twenty-five percent of the SAME GENES as we do. That’s right, you’re twenty-five percent identical to your first cousin. And, biology says that you should get as much of...well you...out there as you can. So, murdering said cousin for breaking your Xbox goes against your natural fitness. Sorry guys.

Apes

You know...us...and our closest living relatives. Those cute little chimpanzees and gorillas with their sign language skills. The ones that get far less cute when you add Mark Walhberg, James Franco, or a forty-five year old Charlton Heston to the mix.

They are like us in a lot of ways. Psychologist Robin Ian Macdonald Dunbar, with his enormous list of credentials and top seat at Oxford’s Department of Experimental Psychology (that’s the legit kind, not the wishy-washy one) writes an entire book on the similar social effects of grooming in apes and the affinity that humans seem to have for gossip. I mean, I don’t want to say anything about women who sit at a salon and exchange information while getting their overpriced nails done, or how they might compare to a troop of gorillas grooming each other...so I won’t...

Gossip, exchanging information, or picking and eating termites off of each others hairy backs, it isn’t kin selection or some mentally unstable rodent migration in this case. It isn’t altruistic either. It’s called reciprocity, “tit for tat,” you eat the bug off my back and I’ll eat the bug off yours. And, don’t take it lightly.

Reciprocity is the basis of human society. We barder, we trade, it happens at every level of civilization. There’s even a thing called reciprocal “concession” where a requester lowers their initial request, in order to make the other person feel obligated to concede to the second request (go ahead, look it up). It’s reverse psychology in board meeting. We haven’t gotten more “self-less” with our intelligence, we’ve just become more manipulative.

Birds

About ten percent of all bird species, in one way or another, express “cooperative breeding” — boom, statistic. So, what does that mean? Babysitting. You take care of someone else’s genetic Will and Testament, which wastes your time and energy and decreases your fitness. Done...altruism. And no, it isn’t always a relative.

So why doesn’t it qualify? Because these are the benefits…

A reduced chance of predation, increased foraging time, territory inheritance, higher survival rate of breeding females, and get this...the “helpers” simply become better parents when they do breed. And in the wild that’s important...because in the wild, children actually do get eaten by monsters.

These guys have weighed the costs and benefits of every tiny little behavior they do, and we have absolutely no clue what’s happening. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this — as a moderately liberal hippy myself, I’d love to think that all of our furry friends are looking out for one another — but the truth is, altruism doesn’t exist. Not in the natural world at least. We need to define our terms more accurately and stop getting caught up in this black and white, good versus evil trope. The world is vastly more complicated and that’s okay.

The only example I can come up with would be if a woman (let’s call her Sally) donates her egg to Amy, the scientists involved remove Sally’s DNA from it and put in Amy’s DNA, and then they proceed to fertilize it. Because it all comes down to the passing on of genetic material (the gooey stuff). Which may be possible soon, who knows. They just fertilized one female mouse with DNA from another (because men weren’t already useless enough).

[theconservativebrief]

At the Disgusting Food Museum, which opens in Malmo, Sweden, at the end of this month, you can — as the name suggests — experience “80 of the world’s most disgusting foods.” There will be casu marzu (maggot-infested pecorino cheese from Sardinia) and the fermented shark meat that is Iceland’s national dish. There will be balut, a hardboiled fertilized duck egg that’s eaten as street food in the Philippines. There will be root beer — as in, you know, root beer — which is widely considered disgusting outside of the United States.

Root beer’s mixed global reputation was news to me, but then, that is the point of the museum. Samuel West, an organizational psychologist and the mastermind of the project, wants people to think about what disgusts them, and why.

It’s easy to read the museum as a culturally insensitive house of culinary horrors — people (who are not me) in places (that are not here) eat that? And sure, there’s not not a gross-out factor, as evidenced by the name. But West told me the actual mission is the opposite: By really diving into the world of disgust, he’s hoping he can change the way people eat, and maybe save the world. Our conversation is below, edited for length and clarity.

Rachel Sugar

What led you to start a museum about “disgusting” foods?

Samuel West

A little more than a year ago, I started the Museum of Failure, which has been ridiculously successful, highlighting the importance of accepting failure for progress. It was such an awesomely good way to start stimulating discussions about a theme I thought was important.

I’m not a vegetarian, I’m not a vegan, I’m not an environmentalist per se, but I just I feel like I’m not doing enough — or doing anything for that matter — to … I hate to say “save the planet,” but to do something that’s meaningful for an environmental cause. I read an article about how the single most powerful impact we can have on the environment is if we eat less meat. If we would eat less meat, it would have a greater impact on the environment and global warming than all the transport sectors put together. I consider myself aware and up to date, but I was shocked at how unsustainable the meat industry is.

New, environmentally friendly foods like insects and, further down the road, lab-grown meat, could be an option, but we’re still disgusted by these things. So I started thinking about whether I could use my newfound insights and experiences with exhibits to create something that would have an impact on people who wouldn’t identify as an environmentalist, or even a foodie, per se.

If I were to create an exhibit called “Meat Is Bad, You Should Eat Insects Instead, Shame on You,” nothing would happen. It would have no effect whatsoever. But disgust is something we can all relate to. We’re fascinated by it; I’m fascinated by it. It’s a vehicle to communicate what I really want to communicate with the exhibit.

“Even though disgust is a universal, hardwired emotion, it’s still something we have to learn. The people around us who we grow up with, who form us, teach us what to be disgusted by.”

Rachel Sugar

Why do people find certain foods disgusting but other foods — sometimes very similar foods — not disgusting?

Samuel West

Disgust is one of the six fundamental human emotions. It’s a universal emotion; it’s found in every culture everywhere. There’s fear, surprise, happiness, sadness, anger, and then disgust is right up there. The evolutionary function is to protect us from toxic or dangerous foods — that’s the primary purpose.

Casu marzu, a pecorino cheese with maggots — illegal in the European Union, but a delicacy in Sardinia. Anja Barte Telin/Disgusting Food Museum

The interesting thing, though, is that even though disgust is a universal, hardwired emotion, it’s still something we have to learn. The people around us who we grow up with, who form us, teach us what to be disgusted by. That’s what makes it culturally interesting.

So, for example, food that’s rotting, that’s fermenting, that’s gone off — usually, that’s something dangerous and you shouldn’t eat it. Those smells are something that we’re hardwired to react strongly to. But then if somebody says, “You know, this sauerkraut here is actually tasty and it won’t kill you,” then we learn that it’s okay. It’s something we can actually like, versus everything else that we’re not familiar with that has that sort of decaying smell.

The original evolutionary function of disgust is to protect us from dangerous, toxic foods, but disgust becomes so much bigger than that. Disgust as an emotion gets sort of transformed into areas where you wouldn’t actually think it belongs. For example, our morals and our sexual behavior are also influenced by what we think is disgusting.

Rachel Sugar

How does that leap happen?

Samuel West

It’s fascinating. I don’t have an answer for you, other than that when researchers look into how we categorize disgust, it becomes very clear that disgust is much more than just toward food, although food is still the primary reason we feel disgust. We learn what to be disgusted by, and that varies from culture to culture.

I was raised as a fundamentalist Christian, and if my mother would listen to heavy metal music, she would say, “Oh, that’s disgusting!” She would feel these real feelings of disgust. Whereas I maybe I don’t like the music, but I don’t feel any disgust toward it.

We learn about food the same way. I’m half-Icelandic, and I remember the stench from the fish factories from as a kid in Iceland. It smells horrible. But when I was growing up, it was called the smell of money because it meant that people had work and were exporting fish. The smell was not considered gross in any way except by people who didn’t live there. I think that’s kind of interesting, how the context can change how you view even fundamental smells and tastes.

Rachel Sugar

It seems like one thing that often makes a food seem “disgusting” is that it’s fermented or rotting. Are there other common traits of “disgusting” foods?

Samuel West

That’s definitely the biggest category: foods that seem like they might be toxic, that they’ve gone off, that they’re infested with bacteria. Then we have foods that can be disgusting because you know where they came from. An example would be foie gras. Unfortunately, I still like it — it’s beautiful, it tastes wonderful — but if you pause for a moment and think about, “Okay, so these birds are force-fed so their livers sort of explode,” then the animal cruelty aspect comes into play. My wife loves foie gras, but the last 10 years or so, she can’t eat it because she just thinks of these poor birds.

There’s one more category, and that’s [foods] we’re not familiar with.

A can of root beer, beverage native to the United States. Anja Barte Telin/Disgusting Food Museum

I’m half-American. I love root beer. But if you ask a European, they would spit it out and say it tastes like toothpaste. Because they haven’t grown up with root beer, they don’t like the taste. It’s disgusting. For example, with dog meat, many people would react, “Oh, no! You can’t eat dogs, they’re pets!” Or guinea pigs. But there’s nothing inherently disgusting about [eating] a guinea pig or a dog versus any other animal. But in our culture, we’re not familiar with eating it, so we give it the label of disgusting.

Rachel Sugar

I wanted to ask about meat specifically, because of the way certain parts of animals are seen as disgusting to eat, whereas others aren’t. Lots of people eat lamb shank but then are disgusted by haggis, which is also made from parts of lamb. Why is that?

Samuel West

Yeah, it doesn’t make any rational sense whatsoever. And it doesn’t make any nutritional sense either, because the liver is probably the most nutritional part of the animal, yet people are like, “Oh, no, it tastes nasty, it’s awful.”

There are two aspects I would say that makes eating haggis — or liver or kidney or lungs — disgusting compared to eating the tenderloin. One is that we’re just unfamiliar with it. We haven’t eaten it enough. The other is the connotation that some foods are for rich people and other foods are for poor people. That’s a theme that pops up all the time.

Like today, lobster is a delicacy, it’s expensive rich-person food, whereas two or three hundred years ago, it was used for prisoners and slaves. Nobody in their right mind would eat those nasty animals from the sea, and now we’re paying top dollar eating them with butter. That changed as lobster became less abundant and started to be eaten by the finer people in society.

“When it comes to offal, the liver and the heart aren’t just isolated meat, they’re actually something that we need to live. There’s a connection to our own mortality.”

There’s a fascinating story about the Swedish king. [Author’s note: This story may be apocryphal, though no less illustrative.] When potatoes first came to Europe from South America, the people of Europe didn’t want those nasty things — they grow in the ground, they’re weird, they taste funny. They figured out potatoes grow very well in the Swedish climate, but the masses wouldn’t eat them because they found them disgusting.

And so the king started making it almost illegal for non-royalty to have potatoes, and served potatoes at the royal banquet. He was brilliant at using psychology to make potatoes attractive as a luxury. And then it didn’t take long until the public was demanding that they also get potatoes. It’s fascinating. Now it’s like, of course we eat potatoes. No, you haven’t always eaten potatoes; you used to think they were disgusting.

So going back to your question, historically, offal has been something that poor people would eat because they had no other option, so that’s something that was less attractive and more disgusting. But then, of course, what happens is that changes. I don’t know what it’s like in the States, but in Sweden, if you’re a hipster, you love to eat all the weird parts of the animal. Now it’s cool to say, “I eat from tail to nose.”

Salted licorice, beloved in Sweden. Anja Barte Telin/Disgusting Food Museum

We also find anything that reminds us of our mortality and our animal characteristics disgusting. When you see a human do anything that reminds us that we’re animals, that’s usually considered disgusting. That goes for food as well: if you see people ripping meat apart with their hands, that would be considered more disgusting than doing it with a knife and fork and a white napkin on your knee. So when it comes to offal, the liver and the heart aren’t just isolated meat, they’re actually something that we need to live. There’s a connection to our own mortality, and us also being animals, which is considered disgusting in other contexts, and I think it’s relevant for food as well.

Rachel Sugar

Can we intentionally change attitudes about what is or isn’t disgusting?

Samuel West

The strongest driver is when the elite change their food preferences. If we can get cool people, the elite in a given society, to eat insects, then that would increase people’s openness to trying insects. This season at Noma, in Denmark — the No. 1 restaurant in the world, or it used to be — they’re serving ants and some other insects on their menu.

More and more top chefs or restaurants are including insects on their menu, and I think that’s a great way to start introducing them, within the context of fine dining. It’s more likely to get you interested in actually eating insects on a daily basis, versus insects being something you only try in educational facilities or at Greenpeace yearly meetings or something like that. I think that’s a good way to get that change to happen.

Rachel Sugar

What about acquired tastes? How do you learn to like something you used to find disgusting?

Samuel West

I can describe a very concrete example. Twenty years ago, I did an internship in Australia as a psychologist. I’d tried Vegemite before, and it’s nasty. It’s really strong, salty; it’s like a concentrated soy sauce, nothing you would consider being delicious.

But in Australia, I was at a party and the hostess gave me two slices of toast with Vegemite on them. And seeing these young Australians eat it for breakfast and like it — it’s a learned behavior. Okay, you spread it really thin on buttered toast, and actually, it’s not bad. And because there’s nothing else to eat, I’ll eat it. And then it didn’t take more than a couple of weeks until I bought my first jar of Vegemite. That, I think, is the perfect illustration of how you can learn to like something you didn’t like before. It’s the context and then it’s the social learning.

Rachel Sugar

Do you think, under the right circumstances, you could acquire a taste for everything in the museum?

Samuel West

[A long pause] We have some stuff you couldn’t pay me enough money to try. We have kiviak, from Greenland. You take a freshly slaughtered seal, and while the body is still warm, you clean it, gut it, and then stuff the carcass with these small Arctic birds. And then you sew up the seal carcass and dig a hole and just let it rot for between three and 18 months, so it’s well-rotted. Then in the winter, when there’s not much to eat and you want to have a bit of a feast, you go find that rotting seal and dig it up, and because it smells, you’re not allowed to bring it indoors, and then you eat the whole birds, because the process of fermentation, the feathers, the bones, everything’s sort of turned soft and mushy. You couldn’t get me to put that rotting bird in my mouth.

Kale Pache, a dish popular in Iran, Afghanistan, Armenia, and Iraq made from the head, feet, and stomach of sheep. It is considered to be a good hangover cure. Anja Barte Telin/Disgusting Food Museum

We [the museum organizers] tried most of the items in the museum. I vomited when I tried the balut. It’s a street food from the Philippines: You take a fertilized duck egg with a duckling in it, still not hatched, and you boil it, and you eat it in the shell — you open up the egg and then you drink the juice, and then eat the semi-developed fetus, bones, beak, and all, along with what’s left of the egg white and yolk. It didn’t smell bad, but visually, looking at that little duck in the egg…

Rachel Sugar

Was it about the visual of seeing an unborn duck, or was it about the flavor, or can you even separate those things?

Samuel West

Had you blindfolded me and sent me that egg and told me this is whatever, some kind of a lie, and I didn’t get to see what it was, then I probably — you might have fooled me into taking another bite, yeah.

I wouldn’t have a problem eating the duck, which is strange. And I wouldn’t have a problem eating the egg. It was the in-between state, [which] doesn’t make any rational sense. Why does it matter if it’s half-hatched or not? It’s protein, it tastes good, eat it. Same thing with different types of animals — if they’re unfamiliar to us, that makes them disgusting, whereas if we see them in the supermarket every day, they’re not disgusting.

Original Source -> Why do we find some foods disgusting?

via The Conservative Brief

[clubofinfo]

Expert: Apparently there are seven things that piss off the Christian God more than anything else.  And, not surprisingly, those seven things are all common traits in both those who worship Him and in those of us who doubt or deny His existence.  Real or imaginary, you’ve gotta give the man upstairs credit for His sense of humor.  Too funny…incorporate faults and flaws into our DNA, and then punish us for them.  Even threats of Hellfire and damnation don’t seem to carry much weight in deterring good Christians from lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, or pride.  One would strongly suspect that a vast majority are CHRINOs (CHRistians In Name Only), smarter than they appear, and only in it for the sense of community, political correctness, and/or lucrative business contacts.  Some combination of those seven deadly sins plays a part in most forms of human bad behavior.  And in most instances, only extreme punishment (imminent death or lengthy incarceration) will deter any of us from being the nasty little lustful, gluttonous, greedy, slothful, wrathful, envious, and prideful monkeys we are. Lust The fake news consortium is awash with sordid tales of lustful, mostly powerful old men, who use their wealth and stature to justify sexual trespasses against mostly the young and vulnerable.  Lecherous, horny bastards from high levels of entertainment, politics, pro sports, and big business are taking the fall for letting the bad judgment of their genetilia guide their actions.  Sacrificial lambs in the Circus of Empire.  Charlie Rose was way overripe and due for replacement anyway.  It was no accident that lust is first on the list of sins.  It seems that there’s just no means of control over the basest of human activities. Although it ended abruptly about thirty years ago, I too fell victim to the advances of various sexual predators during my youth.  Ah yes, back before smooth skin, six-pack abs, a white smile, and a bushy head of hair gave way to blotchiness, wrinkles, flab, yellow teeth, and ears full of hair…I fell prey to quite a number of randy women, and a few men.  I simply rejected all the men, and even a few of the women.  Near as I can tell, I was not psychologically injured by any of these advances.  Being wanted and desired is complimentary.  Of course, old people preying on youngsters is deplorable, but the dance of life must go on.  Flirtations between adults should be expected and accepted by all.  Nobody really knows whether advances will be unwanted or not until contact is initiated. At the tender age of 22, I fell victim to one particularly insistent woman.  She forced herself upon me with great vigor, but it is impossible to rape a willing body, so I never complained.  In fact, she was 17 at the time, and in succumbing to her charms, I became the (statutory) rapist.  I did six years for my crime, as her husband and father to our daughter.  There’s a lot of gray area when it comes to lust, and the fake news loves anything that even smells racy.  Get over it!  Unless there is a small child, a corpse, a household pet, and/or violence involved, there’s nothing to get in a tizzy over.  It happens a billion times a day.  I’m ashamed to have wasted three paragraphs on the subject. Gluttony Back in the days when I was a young, careless glutton, I ate cows, pigs, fish, turkeys, and chickens with barely a thought to those billions of sentient creatures in brutal captivity.  I consumed the milk of cows, even as their young were denied the nourishment, and were being slaughtered for veal.  I deprived chickens of their progeny by devouring their eggs, while mixing their genetic material with flesh ripped from pigs, over a piping hot burner.  At a gut level, I knew I was being a thoughtless, brutal asshole.  But what’s a poor human to do, when all the best information is telling us that we NEED the protein.  We NEED the dead flesh of the designated sacrificial beings.  After all, who in his right mind would consider giving up In and Out Hamburgers? Selfishness may be the only reason most humans ever exhibit decent behavior.  In my case, I only gave up animal protein in favor of a plant-based diet because I became convinced that the gluttonous consumption of  dead animals is the major cause of cardiovascular disease, obesity, diabetes, Parkinson’s, and many cancers.  I did it for my own good.  I did it out of selfishness.  The decision had little to do with empathy or kindness.  Like all humans, I’m still an asshole, but now I’m an asshole who can look into a cow’s big brown eyes without guilt.  I can forget the sins of my past, and the cows will never be the wiser. Gluttony is second only to lust on Ye Shitlist o’ The Lord, and looking around, it appears that humans have not only overpopulated the earth with their lustful antics, they’ve filled it to overflowing with gluttonous, flabby, morbidly obese, thoughtless, brutal assholes.  Gotta blame much of this mess on God, Himself for telling His clueless minions that they should “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”  One of the best examples of The Lord’s dark sense of humor; with His blessings, the planet is overpopulated to bursting by gluttonous, fat-assed killers. Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.  The other five deadly sins are the perfect ingredients for a country and its people, hooked on wars for profit.  Wall Street, the politicians it owns, and the military/intelligence divisions it controls are infinitely greedy for the resources of other lands.  Too slothful to find wealth by less violent means, their wrath is unleashed upon every country in possession of assets they envy.  And being the Exceptional Nation, the U.S.A. has no problem with stirring up a noxious soup of national pride, waving flags, and public support for its endless procession of wars.  Of thee I sing. Fifty years ago, I had a choice:  1. Stay in college and keep the 2S Deferment, which would keep me out of The Vietnam Fiasco for a while.  2. Drop out of college and head for safety in Canada.  3. Drop out of college and take my chances with the draft board.  or 4. Drop out of college and join the U.S. Navy, in order to avoid being drafted into the U.S. Army, and possibly becoming fertilizer for rice paddies in Vietnam.  I hated college, so choice #1 was out.  Number 4 was a possibility for a while, but the more I learned about military matters, the more I became convinced that I just wouldn’t fit into any of their uniforms.  So when it came down to a choice between possible prison time, and maybe never again seeing friends and family, I chose to stand my ground on U.S. soil.  My number came up, and I refused induction into the freaking Army.  Twice. Of course, I knew that war was wrong in every conceivable way.  Even as a young child, I wondered what made the mass-murder of warfare okay, when murder on a personal basis was illegal.  I’d sure like to be able to say that my anti-war stance was firmly rooted in empathy and compassion for all mankind, and to a great extent it was.  But to an even greater extent, I did it out of selfishness.  I did it to save my own ass from a kill or be killed scenario. After doing time for my crime, I found out that in virtually every war waged by my country of birth, the blood of young men was shed for the benefit of the already wealthy profiteers at the top of the economic ladder.  I learned that the U.S.A. grew out of the deaths of millions of Native Americans, and that the sweat of enslaved Africans greased the wheels of capitalism.  I found out about Manifest Destiny, the theft of the northern half of Mexico, the overthrow of the Hawaiian Monarchy, and a string of sordid wars across the globe, spanning two centuries.  It was a surprise to discover that the U.S.A. was behind Hitler’s rise to power, and largely responsible for 80 million deaths in World War II, and an even bigger surprise to find out about the Pentagon’s post-war plan to drop 204 atomic bombs on 66 Russian cities, and “Wipe The Soviet Union off the map.”  What a disappointment it must have been for our fighting forces when the world’s greatest fireworks show was not approved.  Since it is military policy to avoid counting the dead bodies, it is impossible to know the extent of American mayhem since WWII.  But according to James A. Lucas, my country is responsible for at least 20 million deaths in 37 countries since the end of the second war to end all wars. Just as summer must succumb to autumn, and autumn to dead, cold winter, all things must pass.  Cradles to graves, empires to dust.  I’ve never even fired a gun, and know nothing about weapons systems.  But fortunately The Saker does, and if he’s right, the bloody dance of the American Empire may be coming to an end.  It appears that while required reading at The Pentagon has been “The Power of Positive Thinking”, the Russian Military has been absorbed in “The Art of War”.  And while bloviating American politicians have been blathering about their country’s greatness, exceptionalism, and invulnerability, their Russian counterparts have been quietly building earth’s most formidable military arsenal.  Without going into detail (link to The Saker’s article), it now appears that The U.S. Empire is no longer militarily superior, nor invulnerable.  If this is correct, the long-standing nuclear standoff has tilted in extreme favor of the Russkies, and the United States now finds itself wielding a knife at a gunfight. Fortunately for those of us who live under the Stars and Stripes, who value and enjoy our allotted time to breathe, eat, procreate, and recreate, Vladimir Putin’s Russia represents a threat to no other country.  President Putin is apparently a wise man.  He understands human nature.  He knows that, as I stated above, selfishness may be the only reason most humans ever exhibit decent behavior.  He knows that capitalism has inadvertently castrated the U.S. Military Machine, and that The Pentagon must be aware that it is now in possession of simply second rate hardware.  Yes, America…the profits of Boeing, Northrop Grumman, and Raytheon are, and have always been, more important than the quality of their products.  Russian jets, missiles, and bombs cost much less, but pack unparalleled punch.  Thou art no longer exceptional, America.  Thou art second rate when it comes to weaponry, and had better start considering standing down.  Reconsider thy threatening stance, and understand that thy choice now involves simply life or death.  Maintain thy stance, and prepare to meet thy Maker, or do what is right and take thy place righteously in the world community. If there happens to be a just God or, much more likely, if we’re just lucky, The U.S. Empire will follow my fine example from the Vietnam era, and decide strongly against participation in World War III.  Whether righteous or selfish:  A sound decision is a sound decision.  Worst case scenario:  He’s watching from the clouds, pulling all the strings, waiting for the final fireworks show, and preparing for the biggest and best laugh He ever had. http://clubof.info/