#I know I post a lot of dumb shit but this might be the dumbest

[kisakis-boyfriend]

I lowkey feel like a weirdo just reading and interacting with your posts without actually sending anything in the ask box LMAO

So here I am, to rant about pretty (not so) little twinks to my favorite writer

Everyone headcannons Hanma to be sadistic, and while I can definitely see that based on the way he acts and fights, I personally headcannon him to be a hardcore masochist who just tries to hide it by saying he's a sadist. Like this man doesn't dodge powerful punches and kicks from Mikey or Draken, no, no, he blocks them with his own body instead. His whole thing is always getting back up after tanking heavy hits like a monster. But he also very regularly eggs people on. He taunts and maims people to get them to fight him. He does this, every. Single. Fight.

So how does this translate into the bedroom? Well of course, his lanky ass wants nothing more than to get on your nerves. He wants to see how far he can push you, if he can make you genuinely mad. He wants to be the biggest little shit he possibly can until you have no choice but to punish him for it. And this boy can take a lot. Spanking? No problem. Choking? Yes please. Cbt? Why the hell not? Putting him into a borderline painful full nelson while relentless pounding into his prostate at mach jesus? He'd love every second, even if it renders him damn near bedridden for the next three days. Hell, we've seen how Hanma fights, you could probably beat the shit out of him or try to kill him and he'd pop a stiffy.

I feel like he might have a humiliation kink too. Like- shame this man for being so kinky and mock him for being pathetic. You could call him your little bitch and spit in his mouth and he'd just grin in response. And he's not really the type to break easily either. Even as you have him clutching the sheets, trembling, tears rolling down his cheeks, barely even able to stay conscious, he'd still talk shit and try to aggravate you. That carries into every day couple life too, just in a more minor way. He likes to play pranks on you, poke and prod you both literally and metaphorically. He's also almost definitely smart, I mean- Kisaki hates dumb people, and he hangs out with Hanma. That just means that Hanma will start the dumbest, prettiest arguments, and win purely by technicality. He's a total smartass. Of course, Hanma wouldn't say or do anything to actually hurt you, he's just be annoying and a nusience on purpose because he finds it entertaining to piss people off. It's alright, there's an easy fix. Just fuck hin so dumb he can't talk, so hard that he just passed out in your arms straight after.

Moral of the story, Hanma is a freaky little masochist, and the world's most annoying little asshole (affectionate)

~Neon

(Ajdksj no need to worry! I accept lurkers of all sorts — including lurkers who don't interact at all, and instead silently read my works <3

I do appreciate things like this too though, thank you! I love hearing y'all's thoughts and ideas!)

—

THIS is canon, as far as I'm concerned. He's such a painslut, it's not even funny. I definitely agree that Shuji will do his best to annoy you, that's just his favorite past time :P

I recently learned that getting punched in the gut (or just, in general) is a kink/fetish, so I think we can safely assume that Shuji would be into that too. I know that wrestling is also a sexual thing for some people. Just tossing that out there. Pin that tall boy in a painful position and hammer your cock into him, he'll love it!

Forget play fighting, he's the kind of guy who'd want to actually fight you until he's spitting up blood. Rasping a snarky remark even as his knuckles are busted, and his ribs ache from your heavy hits. Just normal couple things~

I also just thought about a "softer" moment: Cuddling with Shuji and pressing on the bruises you left on him. He winces as your thumb presses down on the large purple area on his arm, your other hand combing through his hair. This kind of pain is the kind that makes his whole body tremble, and he easily becomes addicted to it <3

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Top 10 Things I Love About the QL Tumblr Community 2023

I'm loving everyone's end of year lists, and decided to make up one of my own.

I haven't been on Tumblr for very long and was originally just lurking. 2023 marks the year where I finally started posting, after I read a take that made me feel compelled to come to a fictional character's defense. (Saengtai, my poor little blorbo).

So in commemoration of my first proper year of active tumblring, I present what I love about this community (in no particular order).

(Side note - Technically I know this is still primarily a BL community, but I like to say QL because I am trying to manifest more lesbians for us.)

1) The Gifmakers

Y'all are a good 70% of the reason I joined Tumblr in the first place. There are so many show moments that I want to relive, but without having to search through videos. Sometimes I want to appreciate the aesthetics. Sometimes I want to remember adorable or goofy moments. Sometimes I just want to see cute boys eating each other's faces. Our gifmakers give all of that to us, with the addition of so much creativity and style.

There's too many amazing ones to mention everyone, but I have to shout out @sparklyeyedhimbo, because the way your brain works makes me so happy.

2) The expertise

The other part of why I joined Tumblr was to learn more about what BLs were out there and what I might be missing. And holy hell. Y'all are putting in the work. Not only lists and resources for finding all kinds of QLs, like these fabulous monthly breakdowns by @gunsatthaphan, but also amazing posts that add additional context, like @absolutebl's incredibly helpful breakdown of Asian honorifics. There is so much research people do, for fun! And then they share it!

3) The meta analysis

I frickin love reading people's takes and analyses on series. I love learning, I love seeing perspectives from people with different cultural backgrounds to my own, it's all so fascinating! There's so much context we can miss due to our own privileges, or lack of knowing about various cultures, or due to whatever bubbles we've been living in. People here are just so smart, and nuanced, and willing to reflect and think about things, and also push back at each other, but generally with respect (except when you call out the dumb shit you see, usually on Twitter or TikTok, where people are being reductive and dumb about gender and sexuality).

And I've seen a few takes where people complain about analyses, and say that the director/production doesn't do everything deliberately, and we're all reading too much into it. To which I say, eh, lighten up. How people connect to and relate to media has relevance beyond what was intended. The point is we get to think and discuss and learn and grow. That doesn't happen if we don't analyze.

Special shout out here to @respectthepetty because colors mean things!

4) The wild theories

The other side of the analysis coin, the clown cars y'all drive around in with the wildest of theories. I have happily climbed into an occasional clown car, and usually I am utterly wrong (*cough* Saifah *cough*). But it's a super fun ride. I love seeing how people's brains work. I love it when y'all are wrong. I love it when y'all are right. It's beautiful.

5) Immediate acceptance

I am one of those people who knows that I have a lot of good qualities, and also, always kind of expect rejection. Blame the childhood bullies, I guess. Anyway, whenever I delve into a new space, I still feel like a total dork that no one will want to talk to. It's kind of a fraught way to move through the world, but I manage.

Anyway, I started posting my thoughts as they came up, and people are just totally cool with it. People even follow me sometimes. Even my silliest thoughts and dumbest jokes get at least a couple likes. It's so validating.

And my very silly joke about gay mafia in Kiseki has over 800 likes. I feel very seen.

6) Mutuals

I still kind of can't believe I have any. This ties in to the dork feeling above, but seriously - they are soooo cooooool. They're smart and awesome and funny, and they somehow find me worth following back, which is baffling yet wonderful. I want to squish their faces and give them many kisses (if they're into that kind of thing).

7) The self-exploration

I really appreciate how it's become more talked about how a lot of people are discovering queerness through BL, because that is so the case for me. I think it's both that I was in a bit of a hetero bubble before, and also that I'm evolving a bit as I age. I had figured out I was demi, and maybe a little bit gay, before getting in to BL, but being in this community, and seeing so many of you share so openly and freely, has made me realize it might be more than a little bit.

Either it was a new realization, or being around y'all has made me more gay. Win win, either way.

8) The weirdness

I'm weird. Y'all are weird. I love it.

9) The thirst

So many in this community are thirsty as fuck, and as someone who is in that same condition, I love that it's not just me. There are not many places where I can freely admit how horny I am as a part of my general existence.

Here? I could post about wanting to lick some random BL actor's face, and it would get a bunch of likes and some tags like #lickable, and it's just not remotely a big deal.

Also the gifmakers understand this, and give us beautiful cuts of our spicy scenes. They are genuinely too good for us.

10) The communal watching experience

There is absolutely nothing like watching along with people in the community. It is so worth the torture of having to wait week to week for new episodes. Seeing the show trend, watching the theories fly fast and furious, or the way everyone collectively loses their minds over particular moments. In a world that can feel very isolating, it's a very warm experience.

So there you go. Thank you all for being you. Here's to another year of QL shenanigans and losing our collective minds!

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

I can relate to what the last two anons said I could never make friends in the queen fandom and I see others making friends on here so easily that I feel like there is something wrong with me or I'm just an outcast because I'm shy or weird but the fandom feels very cliquey sometimes

Aw, no, there’s nothing wrong with you for not making fandom friends. All fandoms are cliquey to some extent, and I feel like it’s even worse in small fandoms, such as the tumblr Queen fandom. If you don’t fit in with a clique? Good, it means you’re acting like an adult lol. Seriously, the cliquey shit is so not worth losing sleep over. I had longtime followers unfollow me after I finally got fed up with an extremely immature and cliquey user hate-reading my blog and vagueblogging about me for years lmao, so fandom cliques will turn on you for the dumbest shit and if you say anything against the big name fans—very high school, isn’t it? In general, internet fandom cliques can encourage really petty and abnormal behavior, and I don’t last in them because they get mad the minute someone says, “No this is nonsense and really Online, actually.” It’s like how I left a group chat on insta back when I had my Queen account because I didn’t feel inclined to go along with the crowd in *checks notes*….saying Brian hates Freddie and is homophobic towards him. Really, listening to Online garbage is not worth being in a clique!

Some people do seem to make friends in fandom easily, but keep two things in mind that I previously mentioned: the first one is that it might seem like people are besties on your tumblr dashboard because they reblog each other’s posts and tag each other and stuff, but their online relationship might actually be superficial, and fizzle out the minute one or both joins a new fandom (or those friendships might end easily over really dumb fandom discourse!). The second is that even if you make an actual friend online, they can disappear from your online life pretty abruptly and with little explanation one day, maybe because something happened, or they don’t use tumblr anymore, or whatever.

I know this might not be the answer you were looking for, but all of this is why people should invest more in irl friendships than internet friendships. I’ve been reconnecting with irl friends recently, and man, it feels good. Like I said in another post, too, I feel a lot better keeping to myself on tumblr now, so trust me, getting to know people in fandom isn’t always a good thing lol.

If someone genuinely makes a real, longtime friend through fandom? Great! I just think it happens a lot less often than people think, so don’t feel bad for not having any.

[pointless2theend]

Honestly I feel like that aren't you tired of being nice don't you wanna go apeshit meme at work lately. Like y'all. I am so fucking nice you don't understand. If these people tried this shit with someone else I know for a fact that this hypothetical other person could've been waaay meaner about it. If you're interested in work drama keep reading if not feel free to ignore this post kthnxbye

I'm just copy pasting this from my notes app and adding line breaks because wow this is a wall of text but yeah these people are pissing me off lmaoooo

Oh and I'm changing names so it's not so obvious haha

So this whole Bob situation. Sally too but I'm gonna focus on Bob right now. I told Alice(cool manager) about my secret plan to say something to Bob if he tries to boss me around about jobs again. Paul(another manager) might have overheard a little bit of what I said but honestly I don't give a fuck if he did because frankly I'm just telling the truth.

Anyway thankfully I didn't have to lay down the law with Bob but holy shit he was already on thin ice and it just got thinner. He didn't nag me about jobs specifically but he did feel the need to point out that there was only one reece cup on top of the ice cream I made for him. I of course immediately said so? There's not supposed to be a lot on top. Thats literally one of the first things I was taught when making this ice cream that you only need a little on top so you know what's in it. I mean for fucks sake Bob do you have a quota of complaints you need to make or what because yikes. If you care so fucking much why don't you put the goddamn reece cups on yourself.

I swear to fuck these people don't understand how much restraint I have. I'm so fucking serious because if they tried some of the shit they pull with me on someone else they might not be so nice about it. I am soooooo fucking nice they really don't get it. I mean they would not like it if I gave them the same stank ass attitude they've been giving me lately. I'll do it if that's what it take but wow I thought I was dealing with teenagers not preschoolers.

Anyway on to Sally with the whole attitude thing. Especially after that story Kacey(Work Bestie) told me I really don't like Sally honestly. The other day Sally came to help me up front and I told her to make a split in a cup. For some fucking reason she decided to ask me to make it because she just had to go clean something at this very moment so she couldn't possibly make something for a customer. Are you fucking kidding me? Like that's the dumbest shit ever quite frankly. Is anything on fire? No? Then make this for the customer like you just said you would holy shit. It doesn't help that I hate making the stupid fucking split cups. So yeah. I made the dumb thing. But if I were somebody else I might have told her straight up to just make the thing. Whatever you wanna clean will still be dirty when you're done. This isn't even the first time she's said she'll do something and just doesn't do it. I mean goddamn the same night she told a customer she'd make something for them right away and then immediately forgot. I had to ask if anyone was making it because the lady was still standing there. So yet again I made something for a customer that she was supposed to make.

Also she does this thing where she doesn't wanna take orders anymore up front and she thinks this means she can fuck off and do whatever she wants instead of making stuff for customers. Well that's not how it works I don't care how dirty shit is you make shit for customers first. That's how it is. So she just abandons me on the register all the fucking time.

One time after she did this someone ordered food, a soda, and a couple bags of chips. I'm making the food and when I'm almost done I loudly ask if anyone is making stuff for front. I tell her to make the pop and get the chips. She gets it wrong and I have to correct her which isn't a big deal but it's kinda funny because for someone as bossy as she is she gets shit wrong all the time. I'm just sick of these teenagers man.

Well actually I'm sick of anyone who has a shitty attitude with me and just expects me to roll over and take it. That’s not happening. I've been a pushover before and I'm not doing that shit anymore. I'll give people chances because I do want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but Bob is on strike two and I'm sure he'll get strike three soon enough unfortunately. It's the same for Sally because obviously I didn't forget all the bullshit from her last year and it's not much better this year if I'm honest. She's kinda pretending to be nicer about it but I can tell she has the same shitty attitude. It's obvious and I'm not an idiot.

Like I've already said, if I gave people the same attitude they gave me they wouldn't like that shit. Watch me talk to Bob in that condescending way he does to me. Or maybe boss Sally around or constantly say I'm gonna do something and then fuck off and not do it. They wouldn't like that now would they? I'm not gonna do that though I'm gonna talk to them about my concerns like an adult because I am one. They just need to give me a reason and I'm sure they will soon enough.

I didn't do my secret plan because Bob didn't nag me about jobs specifically. I know he can't help himself though. Also I was curious how he would act tonight with Paul as manager and Manny as assistant manager. I find it very interesting that he didn't seem to nag anyone at all. Yet when Alice is the one in charge he's nagging me like crazy. It's like he doesn't respect me or Alice. I notice shit like that and it's not cute. It's rude as fuck actually. People remember how you treat them especially compared to how you treat others. What I've been noticing about Bob is awfully interesting to say the least. If he thinks he can walk all over you then he will. The same goes for Sally.

Well I can only control myself, I can't force them to do anything. But I will say my piece when the time comes and we can go from there. I do hope I won't have to repeat myself but I'll remind both of them not to talk to me like I'm five years old if I have to. I've worked here longer than both of them combined for fucks sake. I'm sick of the disrespect. I'm not letting that shit fly this year. Do not. Fucking. Test me. I'm so done.

[bambirex]

Jaskier and Jesse Pinkman are kind of the same person: Part 3

The last part of my nonsense comparison post, I promise!

Spoilers for both shows, and tw for mention of drug and alcohol abuse!

Part 1 Part 2

They're often blamed for things going to shit: see the infamous mountain scene between Jaskier and Geralt where Geralt brutally sends Jaskier away, and quite many scenes of Walt going off on Jesse and calling him stupid over the smallest of things.

Both are pretty ADHD-coded, hyperactive, fidgety; a big chunk of their fandoms headcanon them as ADHD- havers. (couldn't find a pic to prove this one, you just have to trust my own ADHD brain)

The writers love to torture them both, physically and emotionally alike; they both go through some extreme, bloody and horrific situations, which they miraculously leave in one piece but the shitloads of trauma remains. Since the writers love to whump the shit out of them, the fandoms usually follow the same pattern. Let's just hope Jaskier's trauma will be addressed in the upcoming seasons, the way Jesse's was!

The substance abuse. Obviously very explicit in Jesse's case, as his drug addiction is a very prominent plot point.

With Jaskier, it's mostly theorizing and a bit more subtle (and I guess this can be a controversial take), but i couldn't help but notice (and I've seen other people point it out before), that he might have a problem with drinking, especially in season 2 where he appears to be drinking heavily to soothe his heartache, presumably - the scene where he's cuddling a literal wine botttle, anyone? The show probably won't adress it, but i wish it did.

They're both kind of smart and dumb at the same time ; Jaskier is master of the seven liberal arts and an academic, and is obviously very intelligent, but he does say and do the weirdest, dumbest things (trying to befriend a monster in the bushes, for example); Jesse is beloved for his often very simple way of thinking. But the boy has street smarts, and by the end, he cooks up some incredible plans to bring down Walt and save himself. Kind of related to this, both of them often get used as comic relief. Jaskier more so, obviously, often providing the light- hearted fun when things get very heavy (he also definitely uses his humor as a coping mechanism, right??), and Jesse, while not being a comic relief character at all, often says and does the funniest lines on the show, and the most hilarious scenes are usually tied to him.

Jaskier befriending the mice in the prison cell, and Jesse befriending bugs give me lots of feelings for some reason, and it's also just such a lovely little parallel.

Poor meow meow and cringefail vibes in all the best ways. No picture needed, I think y'all get the point. I wanna put them both in my pocket.

Lots of people headcanon them trans/queer in some way. I don't know what to do with this, but I love it and find it interesting enough to point out, so here.

Alright, that's it, this is what happens when I have the thought process of "wouldn't it be fucked up if I spent an hour making a useless list" 😂

[laceymorganwrites]

HQ love letters: Kunimi

Word count: 1,365

Pairing: Kunimi x reader

Warnings: swearing, mentions of blood (in a movie context), ooc Kunimi (sowwy, I rlly tried my best >.<)

Summary: Kunimi wasn´t easy to read, but maybe he also wasn´t that difficult to understand, you just needed the chance and patience. Centered around Valentine´s Day find out how you met and how your relationship progressed

Taglist: @miyaniacs @prettyforpapiiwa my aries besites 🥺

A/N: I am so excited to be able to finally post this!!!! The collab (by lovely @luna-in-luv <333) was so much fun, I loved the concept!!!

 to @samthegirlnextdoor: I am so sorry, I am so bad at writing for Kunimi but I really tried my best (even asked my aries friends to help me characterize him hehe) and well, I am also sorry for not getting to know you better, sadly I wasn´t really in a good place mentally, but thankfully I´m doing better now. I hope you enjoy, it was so much fun writing for you and happy Valentine´s Day!!

Kunimi always seemed lazy and uncaring. He was always the type to do the things he needed to, but not more. He always got done just at the right time, using every minute he could get, so that he didn´t need to do extra work.

People never really paid him any mind, he was just the kind of man you didn´t really get to see a lot since he was always the first one to leave just as the class was done.

People seldom saw him for what he really was: clever.

They never cared to get to know him better than the man he presented himself as.

Honestly you couldn´t blame them.

Kunimi could be quite mean sometimes, he made snarky and sassy remarks that were overall annoying and didn´t really mind if he hurt people with it.

At least it seemed that way. He seemed like a guy you didn´t want to get to know.

Sure, he was rather quiet and stayed to himself and only had a small circle of close friends, making it hard for others to see through it.

But then again, Kunimi never was one to make any efforts with people he didn´t know.

It intrigued you more than you liked to admit.

He wasn´t the type of guy you would notice immediately, but he certainly made you curious.

You two had the same classes and sat next to each other and you thought you got along quite well.

Especially when you had to do presentations and other projects together.

Kunimi wasn´t an asshole and did his part of the work. He always did.

However it was quite strange, you never met someone like him. From the outside he would seem lazy, like he didn´t care about anything.

Maybe that was true, but not in the extent you would think. Perhaps you were biased and blind though.

Kunimi and you got done with your work quickly all the time and you always started a conversation with him because you wanted to get to know him better.

You never thought that you´d get along that well with him. Kunimi was really funny and noticed things most people didn´t, he was empathetic in his own way which made him incredibly charming.

You didn´t have any other choice than to fall for him.

He always indulged you. Though that was out of politeness rather than of actual fondness. At least that´s what Kunimi told himself.

He wasn´t one to crush on people, it was pointless and a waste of time. More than anything it was such a nuisance, he didn´t want to deal with it.

So he pretended he didn´t feel anything more for you.

His plan backfired though. Apparently it was painfully obvious that he had feelings for you, so his friends told him. Though he just told them to fuck off like always.

“Hey, you got a minute?” you stopped him in his tracks one particular day after class. You were so annoying when you did that, when you wanted to talk to him and stopped him from going home. And yet he let you.

“Make it quick” he told you, but his voice was way too soft to make it sound annoyed or threatening.

“Wanna be my Valentine´s?” you grinned.

You might as well, you thought.

Kunimi was quite surprised, not really knowing how to react. Sure he liked you well enough, but love was way too complicated for him, it sounded like such a drag. But it was Valentine´s Day, he didn´t want to be the asshole that stood you up, so naturally he agreed, though not really expecting anything.

Maybe that was why he was so hyper aware of his own feelings, not knowing what to do when you smiled at him like that, asking him if he was feeling well or if you were boring him, if you just misunderstood him.

Looking back on the fact that he just ditched you then and there to rush to his friends to ask for advice, it was funny.

You could laugh about it one year later but it really wasn´t the best move on his part.

Luckily that was just the mere beginning of your relationship.

This time he would do it right.

Kunimi learned the importance of occasional romance with you, you taught him how to be open about his emotions, that it was fine, how you were feeling the same thing.

Somehow love didn´t seem so scary anymore with you. You made him feel safe and secure.

Sadly the time around Valentine´s was always stressful since it was when exams were being written.

However he used it to his advantage.

He knew that you were studying at home and would come around when you were done. You also told him you´d text him when you would get ready.

That left him with enough time to prepare everything.

It was your anniversary after all and he was pretty sure you thought he forgot about it.

He couldn´t help but smile at that thought, he hoped you´d like the surprise.

Kunimi went out of his way to decorate his place with your favorite flowers, he even invited Kindaichi to help him cook your favorite meal.

While Kindaichi was in the kitchen, Kunimi checked everything and then rushed to the nearest convenience store to get your favorite snacks and drinks.

He had planned out everything perfectly, though of course it didn´t seem that way. Kunimi wasn´t one to seem like he planned anything, it would just ruin his lazy reputation.

Though in all honesty, he couldn´t be lazy without planning.

And for you, everything needed to be perfect, there was no other way.

It wasn´t only to make up for his stupidity in the year prior, no, he just simply couldn´t fuck up and be lazy today.

Those three words were way too important.

And so as he returned, he bid goodbye to Kindaichi who wished him luck. Something he only snorted at, who´d need luck in uttering words? It wasn´t like he would lose his voice all of a sudden, though he might as well.

As soon as you stepped through the door it was like history repeated itself.

But he wouldn´t let it this time, he wouldn´t let himself run away.

“Fuck, you´re beautiful….” he husked, almost sounding out of breath.

You closed the door behind you and couldn´t hold back a chuckle, though you were quite surprised at the prepared couch and table for a movie night.

“Um, thanks? Did you get knocked on the head, babe? I´m literally not wearing anything special” you said, looking around.

Kunimi seemed nervous for some reason, but you couldn´t quite pinpoint why.

“So what? Who says you need to wear something special to be beautiful? That´s the dumbest shit I heard all day” he smirked and sat down on the couch with you, immediately laying an arm around you and starting one of those dumb movies you only watched to make fun of the people in it.

“Oh my god, you´re so stupid, of course you´re gonna die first….” you groaned, laughing at the unrealistic scream and spurt of blood in the bad slasher movie on screen.

Meanwhile Kunimi looked at you as if you were his whole world, because you were. How did he get so lucky? To have such a work of art sitting next to him who didn´t think that much of themselves? How much of a saint was he in his last life to get to be such an asshole in this one? To get to tell you how incredible you were every day? He couldn´t comprehend it in the slightest.

And yet you were here with him, in his arms, feeling so comfortable in his presence.

He was getting way too soft and you were the sole reason.

“How can you be so perfect? Fuck I love you” he mumbled, not realizing what he just said.

“Huh? What was that, babe?” you asked, turning to face him.

“I said I love you, idiot” he repeated himself, louder this time.

Before he could regret and realize his words though, your lips were already on his.

[classicalliberalleague]

The neocon establishment princess has just been slayed. Time for you to admit meghan mccain is trash and your ideology is too.

So many questions here like “who the fuck has ever cared about her?” Apparently a dumb anon. Or when the fuck has anyone on this page said anything nice about her (or quite frankly her piece of shit father)? I mean maybe back in the day when we posting a lot of stuff daily we might have said ‘she’s not the dumbest human being we’ve ever seen’ but that’s probably the most we’d ever say.

And I assume there is some headline you’re referring to, but I couldn’t bring up enough interest in McCain to even go look up whatever the fuck you think is so earth shatteringly important. She ranks somewhere below the Kardashians on the list of people who have some kind of name recognition but who have no effect on anything, least of all my life.

But the question I really have, anon, is how exactly do you define “neocon”? Is it just a word you throw around to everything you like? Do you have any kind of definition for it?

In most usages it is almost entirely dealing with foreign policy issues…and I couldn’t tell you what her foreign policies stances are on a dare…and I don’t think anyone has ever asked her anything serious in that vein…and if they did, why? Who cares what she has to say…other than you anon who seem bizarrely intent on both pseudo-political celebrities and sending bullshit questions to us…seriously you need a life (probably professional help too, but certainly a life).

I know in a wider sense there have been some that claim Neocons are also big social conservatives…but aside from being true of the first people to be identified as neocons (back in the 70s) it’s not really a term that means much anymore on social issues…but even then I always thought that she was on the center-left side of things on social issues (I could be very, very wrong on this as I’ve never really cared to actually listen to anything she has said other than a few times when she first appeared on the scene and decided she had the depth of a rapidly drying puddle.)

Also I love “neocon establishment” one thing neocons actually do believe in is nation building. As the last 30 years of forieign policy makes all too clear the people in power, usually called the establishment, most certainly don’t believe in it or when they hamfistedly try it they haven’t the first clue what nation building is. So I’m not clear where this “neocon establishement” you speak of is…but I’m sure Q and the voices—the ones that come up when you don’t take the pills the doctor told you take—are telling you all kind of interesting things. Just as they’re telling you to be the last human in the hemisphere to give a fuck about Meghan McCain.

As to my ideology being trash. It’s not. But I have doubts you even know what it is. Or are capable of understanding it.

‘

[over-under-through1]

It’s been a really long day so I’m gonna list a few random PPG headcannons

(side note: Blossom uses she/they pronouns)

Brick is a realist, which in the eyes of people who don’t know him well can come across as being an asshole. He’s blunt and doesn’t hide his feelings (unless it comes to his feelings for Blossom, then he’ll deny it to others and to himself. “they’re just my very attractive friend who understands me better than anyone. nothing more”)

Brick is dislexic but not many people know.

Buttercup has grown a lot since childhood. she’s less overly aggressive (she’ll still kick your ass if you deserve it, no question) and can keep a cool head in most situations. It takes a lot to make her snap.

Bubbles has a strong desire to help people, and most of the time she’ll put others feelings above her own. She neglects any negative emotions she feels and tries to justify them by her just being “moody”. Eventually, with the help of her sisters and the boys, she learns how to grow out of this and accept darker emotions.

Blossom takes their job as “commander and leader” very seriously. If something is happening in townsville, she will jump headfirst into her work to fix it. Her friends and family have to quite literally drag them out of her office if she’s been in there for too long

Butch is an empath, and no matter how much he tries to put on a facade of “fuck boy who doesn’t give a shit”, he has a huge heart. He would do anything for the people he considers family, and once you have him as a friend he’ll be there for you for life.

Boomer is smart, but so many people have told him otherwise in his life that he questions every decision he makes. If he notices something others don’t, he’ll cast it aside because he’s “just the dumb and the dumbest jumping to conclusions”. Bubbles learns this and smacks him in the arm whenever he doubts himself. She will take no self hatred from her Boomie.

Okay, I literally have a 700 word document solely on greens headcannons so I’ll make a separate post about them, but for now here’s a couple:

Buttercup had some shit happen to her in the past, so she doesn’t like people touching her. Butch is one of the only people she feels comfortable touching her in anyway. Because of this, the greens are super physical with one another, even before they started dating. They’re always touching in some way, whether it be standing close to each other, arms around waists, hugging, linking fingers, bumping into each other, hands resting on shoulders, etc. they’re drawn to each other like magnets.

Butch overhears Buttercup telling Blossom that she likes when men wear flannel, and he subconsciously starts replacing every shirt and jacket he owns with green flannel. If Buttercup secretly suddenly finds him 10x more attractive than he already was? Well that’s for her to know.

Okay the reds, despite what everyone around them thinks, aren’t very competitive. They were at first when they had their “rivalry”, but once they became friends they were each other’s biggest hype men. Blossom has to lead a press conference on a recent attack? Brick is in the crowd giving them nods of encouragement whenever they needs it. Brick is having trouble studying? Blossom will be over in 5 seconds to help him. In any situation, theyre there for each other.

When they finally get together, Blossom and Brick’s dates mostly consist Blossom reading to Brick in the park, them watching reruns of reality TV in Bricks bedroom and making fun of it, debating random things they come across, and sitting in an old coffee shop talking. Discussion never runs dry between them.

The blues aren’t very touch orientated, they rely more just being in the presence of each other. They prefer being with each other in person rather than phone calls, and when they can’t see each other in person they’re on facetime basically all day and night. They don’t even have to be talking, just knowing the other is there is enough.

Boomers way of flirting with Bubbles before they got together was constantly asking if he could buy all of her paintings. Her way of flirting back was telling him he could have it for free, and when he refused saying she deserves money for all her hard work, she would get Butch to let her in his bedroom when he was at band practice and leave them on his bed. (Boomer then proceeds to yell at Butch for letting her in because “NOW SHE’S SEEN THE PIGSTY THAT I LIVE IN AND THINKS IM GROSS AND IS NEVER GONNA WANT TO BE WITH MEEEEEE”) 

Mitch and Buttercup are BESTIES. They’re tight as a knot and tell each other absolutely everything. She was the first person he came out to, and he was the first she told about “maybe sort of kind of” liking Butch. He teased her relentlessly for that (on the inside he was happy she finally had someone she could trust after what had happened before. Of course if he said that she would pummel him like there was no tomorrow, so he keeps it a secret)

Princess and Blossom become friends first once Princess learns to be less of a brat. She tells Blossom about her issues at home and apologizes for her past actions. Blossom tells her it’s going to take time for her to completely forgive, but in the future she hopes to become friends. They do and Princess betters herself with the help of the girls (so I’m a sucker for Princess redemption, sue me)

Buttercup and Brick are really close, and they give each other advice on their siblings (they also give each other blackmail material but don’t tell Blossom and Butch that).

Blossom and Butch also become best friends. Blossom is the person who makes Butch understand that his feelings for Buttercup are okay. Butch threatens Brick when he and Blossom get together with a “if you break their heart I’ll break you *butch death glare*”

Okay that’s all for now but I might add more later

[alittlebitmaybe]

making concessions

so i, uh, maybe wrote the nichest, dumbest cracky au ficlet in the world. i blame @yoursummerfrost who is possibly the sole audience for this. i hope you’re happy.

anyway, this is what i described in this post, aka “Geralt and Jaskier meet at a Magic: the Gathering tournament that Jaskier has no business being at but somehow he beats Geralt and then they try to have sex in the bathroom”

featuring a complete disregard for like, legal cards or real decks or any actual knowledge of MTG tournaments beyond living with someone who plays it a lot

rated M for like frottage and marking and stuff

--

“Fresh meat,” Yen mutters, perched against one of the folding tables, knees spread. She punctuates it with a snap of her bubble gum.

Geralt folds his arms across his chest, eyebrow raised. “This is a low-tier Magic tournament, Yen, not a grade school playground.”

“Doesn’t make him not fresh meat. He’s gonna last five minutes, tops. Someone is gonna OTK that poor bastard.”

“We’ve all got to start somewhere.”

“That kid, Geralt,” she says, “is starting nowhere.”

The man Yen calls that kid does look more like he should be at Coachella than at a Magic: the Gathering tournament—bandana, loose tank top, cuffed jean shorts, and all—but, Geralt thinks, clearing his throat, he’s definitely no kid, not with the definition in his arms and the chest hair and the light scruff along his jaw. He is, though, going around and asking people to show him their decks, which he takes from them and riffles through clumsily while oohing and ahhing.

“Good for me, at least,” Geralt adds. “One less actual competitor to knock out.”

Yen punches him lightly in the shoulder. “Sure, if you can keep it in your pants. You just went all googly-eyed. Those baby blues suck you in already?”

He drags his gaze back to her. “He’s alright. If he touches my cards like that I’ll kill him. They’re worth more than his life.”

“I know, dear. I know. Well, gird yourself, because if you both win your first matches you’re against each other.”

Geralt smiles. “No problem. I’ve been playtesting against every meta deck for weeks. My win ratios are favorable against almost anything. This whole thing is mine.”

“Nerd,” says Yen.

Geralt tugs at the hem of her vest, and she kicks out at him with her boot heel. “You’re literally a judge here. You’re certified.”

“Exactly. I’m in a position of power, but you’re just here to show off. Nerd.”

“Keep it up and I won’t share the prize.”

“Half the prize money would barely buy me dinner at Applebee’s, but thanks anyway, darling. You can keep it, I think I’ll manage.”

And well, that’s fair, actually.

“It’s not about the money,” Geralt protests.

Yen snorts. “Obviously, or no one would be here. We all just bow to the whims of MTG. And thank them. And hand over our credit cards.”

Coachella man has dropped someone’s deck all over the floor and is apologetically gathering the cards back into a haphazard pile. The spectacle has drawn stares.

“Who’s the fool, really?” Yen asks. “Him, or us?”

“Hm,” Geralt replies.

--

“Geralt,” says Geralt. “Bant ramp.”

“Jaskier,” says Coachella man, smiling brightly and taking the proffered hand as he settles himself across the table. “Was that last bit English?”

“It’s…my deck,” Geralt explains dubiously. “Bant ramp? Green, white, blue?”

Jaskier pulls an impressed face. “They’ve got names for things like that? You really know your stuff, Geralt.”

“Uh,” says Geralt, nonplussed. “Yeah, thanks. What are you playing, then?”

“Oh, I’ve got this great deck! It’s got all the colors because I couldn’t pick just a few, and all the cards have such pretty art, you know? I had to put in the best ones. A few of ‘em are even shiny. She’s treated me well so far, this deck. I love her.”

Geralt scans down the list of players on his tourney pamphlet. Next to Jaskier’s name it says only Five color aggro???

Geralt huffs out through his nose. That is nonsensical, and—most importantly—not something he ever playtested against. But no matter what is in that deck, Geralt’s got this in the bag. There’s no way this Jaskier guy has the land base needed to support five colors. Especially if he chose his cards, apparently, based on the art.

Jaskier begins slowly pile shuffling his deck of utterly unsleeved cards. Not even inner sleeves, much less double sleeves. Geralt’s blood pressure ticks up.

“So, uh,” he begins, “you’re new to this, huh? What got you into Magic?”

“Ah, my friend Essi plays here and there, she mentioned this and it seemed like it’d be a lark. New experience and such. And hey”—Jaskier looks up and grins—“maybe I’ll win!”

Geralt thinks about the hours and weeks and years he’s spent studying cards and losing games and analyzing pro matches. “Good luck,” he says.

“Thank you, you’re sweet.”

Jaskier continues placing each card meticulously on its own stack. Geralt shuffles his own deck again and again as he waits.

“Do you want me to, uh.”

Jaskier looks up and says, “Oh, would you? That would be so helpful. I’ve never quite got the hang of the—,” he makes a riffle shuffle gesture, “—whole shuffling thing.”

--

He loses the coin toss, which, he realizes a few turns later, is not an auspicious beginning. But even with Jaskier on the play and him on the draw, certainly it won’t make that much of a difference. Not when Jaskier has to squint at his hand like he’s reading all the card texts for the first time ever. At one point he even goes “Oh, that’s an interesting one,” as if surprised. It cannot make that much of a difference to go second.

And it doesn’t. Because he can’t draw shit to save his life.

While Geralt draws white mana after white mana, Jaskier throws down creature after creature, ignoring effects and the stack entirely in favor of big numbers and building a “board aesthetic.” Whatever the fuck that means. He drops a land on every turn and his mana costs curve out perfectly, despite the stretch over five fucking colors. It’s nothing short of miraculous.

Finally, Geralt is staring down a board of attackers against the lone creature he’d managed to play, and Jaskier says “Ooh, I’ve got enough of the land thingies to play this fella!” and drops—of all fucking things—a Craterhoof Behemoth. Like Geralt isn’t already nearly dead on board.

Geralt eyes the board wipe in his hand that—for fuck’s sake—requires blue.

A single blue mana needed, and a stack of Plains in front of him a mile high.

“It resolves,” he grumbles.

“Woooooo,” says Jaskier. “I mean, that’s good, right?”

“Yes,” says Geralt. “For you.”

He’s got one more draw step to try to dig for an Island. One fucking Island, a fetch land, a mana-producing artifact, anything. He’s spent way too much money on his mana fixing for this to happen.

On his draw, he takes into hand a worthless green creature.

“Fuck!” He scrubs a hand over his face, drops his hand onto the table. “That’s the game. Good one.”

Jaskier looks confused. “What do you mean? You mean I win? But I didn’t get to, you know.” He mimes pushing his attackers across the table like an advancing army. “Kill you.”

“I’m dead on board and have nothing.”

“But I wanted to attack with my big fella!”

Geralt sighs and faintly hears Yen laughing her ass off down the table. And they play out Jaskier’s turn. In which Geralt immediately dies.

As Jaskier celebrates and gathers his cards, Geralt levels him with a tired stare. “Look, be straight with me. Is this a fucking hustle?”

Jaskier laughs brightly. “What, didn’t think I could play, eh?”

“You can’t,” Geralt says. “Obviously. Unless it’s a hustle.”

“No hustling here!” Jaskier then wiggles his eyebrows lasciviously. “Unless you’d like to hustle me later. If you catch my drift.”

Geralt does. “That is not a real come on.”

“Sure it is, since you know I’m coming on to you.”

“Let’s just play out the match,” Geralt says with finality.

He’s down one, but he just needs two wins. Two wins against a deck that will, eventually, be inconsistent and impractical. He shuffles his own deck—tested and massaged until its consistency holds up to real life statistics—four times, just to make sure.

Then Jaskier holds out his deck and Geralt begrudgingly shuffles that, too.

“You have nice hands,” Jaskier comments, following his fingers on the cards. “Big. Strong. Capable.”

“Shut up,” Geralt mumbles, and pretends to ignore it when Jaskier says, Yes, sir.

--

He loses the match on game two, and it’s his own damn fault, this time, because Jaskier drops an infinite combo and doesn’t even realize it until Geralt opens his dumb fucking mouth.

“There it is,” he groans, resigned, as Jaskier lays down the last combo piece. “Lucky draw.”

“Eh?”

“You comboed out?”

“Eh?” Jaskier says again, fingers still on the card like he’s thinking of taking it back, face utterly perplexed.

“You—holy fucking Christ.” Geralt throws his hands in the air. “You don’t even know you have that combo, do you.”

“I—do not, per se, know that, no.”

“That effect will untap your artifact, which lets you—oh, who cares. Fine. You win. Congrats.”

Jaskier’s expression brightens. “I win? Really? But I didn’t even attack!”

“You win. Really.”

Geralt wants a beer.

“Oh!” Jaskier is now beaming. He glances at his watch, a gold-trimmed gaudy thing. “Well, that was quick. We’ve got some time before the next round, if you wanna—uh—”

“Yeah,” sighs Geralt. Heat curls in his belly alongside the mingled anger (shame? embarrassment?) and disappointment. “Whatever.”

Might as well.

--

Geralt shoves Jaskier back against the bathroom door as he locks it, and Jaskier promptly wraps his legs around Geralt’s waist. Without a moment of hesitation Geralt leans in, biting at Jaskier’s lips, feeling arms circle his neck and hands weave themselves into his hair. Their bodies align perfectly and when Geralt thrusts forward, Jaskier gasps into his mouth.

“Yeah,” he breathes, “yeah, like that.”

A growl leaves Geralt in response, frustration with this stupid, clueless man bubbling up within him. Jaskier tastes like red Gatorade and smells like that body butter Yen keeps on her bathroom counter.

It’s less off-putting than it should be.

He keeps going like that, not because he was told to but because it’s infuriatingly good, Jaskier’s body warm and firm and pliant against his as he rolls his hips.

“Oh, God,” Jaskier groans on a thrust that results in a particularly good drag, which separates their mouths enough for Geralt to redirect his attention. With one hand he drags down the idiotic bandana tied around Jaskier’s neck and starts to suck harsh marks into salty skin. Jaskier keeps up a noisy litany of gasps and muffled, bitten-off encouragements. “Oh, that’s—good, fuck—your mouth—like it rough, don’t you…”

Geralt doesn’t particularly like it rough, actually, when he hasn’t been fucking hustled at his own game, but Jaskier still doesn’t seem to have caught on to the part where Geralt is sort of fucking furious about this whole situation.

Instead of explaining himself, he just bites down on Jaskier’s pulse point and curls his hand around Jaskier’s waist where his shirt is rucked up, nails digging in.

“Yeah—” Jaskier says, and tugs at Geralt’s hair, and then there’s banging on the door.

“We can hear you, assholes. There’s a line out here and we gotta piss,” an angry voice calls from the other side.

“Use the ladies’!” Jaskier yells hoarsely. “There’s never anyone in there. This one’s occupied.” Geralt moves against him again. “Oh, that’s—more.”

“No,” says the angry voice. “No more.” Another round of banging. “We’re calling property management. They’ve got a key.”

“Shit,” Geralt says, dropping Jaskier, who makes an indignant noise. He unlocks and opens the door.

There is, in fact, a small crowd around the men’s room, headed by a red-faced man half a foot shorter than Geralt.

“Can’t you mind your own business?” Geralt says.

“Can’t you keep it in your pants?” the man sneers back.

“Technically,” Jaskier pipes up, straightening his bandana and swiping at his hair, “nothing ever came out of any pants.”

“Jaskier,” says Geralt, “don’t help.”

An official-looking group of people rounds the corner, accompanied by Yen, who spots Geralt and nearly falls to the floor in a mirthful fit. He rolls his eyes.

The officials don’t like that at all.

--

A few months later, Jaskier kneels on the other side of Geralt’s coffee table, considering his hand. He licks his lip and taps a few lands to place an enchantment, which Geralt promptly counters.

“You and your fucking—control decks,” Jaskier sighs. “Let me play one some time.”

“Make your own,” says Geralt. “You can use my collection.”

“Ah, maybe I will, and then you won’t be able to play anything at all, ever, and how would you like that?”

“Do you have anything to get rid of my flyers?”

“Unfortunately, no, Geralt, I do not, or I would have played it by now.”

“Then you should probably concede.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He picks up his cards, sleeved properly, and slides them over to Geralt’s side. “Shuffle please.”

Geralt shuffles them.

“Shame we can’t go to the tournament today,” says Jaskier wistfully. “Banned. What rot. We didn’t even get off that day. Rudely interrupted.”

“Yeah, well, someone had no business being there, anyway.”

“I still think I could have gone all the way. Beat you, didn’t I?”

“Haven’t since.”

“Only because you learned my tricks.”

“Jaskier, you don’t have tricks.”

“Exactly.” He smiles, and Geralt can’t help but smile back. When he places Jaskier’s deck back on the table, Jaskier’s hand rests on top of his. “I am, though, Geralt, absolutely thrilled that we met. Whatever the circumstance. Or consequence. If it needs saying.”

It doesn’t, but Geralt meets his eyes and says, “Yeah, me too.”

[saltlampsasuke]

Unfortunately, You Are Experiencing Symptoms of Falling in Love: Part 6

Having your long-term boyfriend cheat on you is pretty bad, but you're lucky enough to have a rich, pro-hero best friend who lets you move in with him until you get a new apartment. Except lockdown happens. And you can't look for a new apartment anymore, and you can't go anywhere anymore, and neither can your best friend, and you think you might be falling a little bit in love with him. Or maybe you've been in love with him all along.

The story of how it takes a nationwide lockdown for you and Bakugou Katsuki to finally get together, part 6!

taglist: @stargazerunlimited @luna-bloodrose​ @lov4kbg

haha I totally just realized I needed to post this on tumblr! (I’m spidersasuke on ao3 and I usually post there first). Anyway, it’s been a while, long story short this semester was awful and I didn’t have any spare mental energy to work on this but I hope to get a good chunk done before I go back in February! I'm really sorry to keep you all hanging for so long. Anyway, thank you all for your patience and support and I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

It took you a while to truly absorb the seriousness of what he was saying. It was hard to imagine the scale he was speaking of, not just your country, but the whole world would be affected. But also, on a smaller scale, your world was being rocked. Of course, it wasn’t like living with Katsuki was hard. Honestly, it was like a breath of fresh air, and your life had been easier these last few weeks than it had felt in a long time. Even though it was just small things, you had forgotten how nice it felt to be cared for; to have someone consider your needs as well as their own. But even so, at the moment you didn’t see Katsuki all that much, considering the time the two of you spent at work. But now, he wouldn’t be working at all. Maybe you wouldn’t be either, considering how you shared your workshop space with a couple of other support techs to avoid taking huge chunks out of your commissions to use the more advanced gear. But also, it wouldn’t really be fair to the heroes you worked for if you just stopped. You only worked for a couple, including Katsuki, but even taking him out of the equation still left you with people who relied on your services. You had to ask.

“What am I going to do about work?” you asked carefully. “Even if you’re not breaking your gear left and right to keep me in business, there are still other heroes who might need me.” Katsuki shook his head.

“Not happening. All of your people have already been talked to.” He took a deep breath, and you prepared for what he was about to say. This was one of his rare, completely serious moments, and you knew he wouldn’t back down from what he said. “I’m sorry, but since you live with me it just can’t happen. The hero commission really does not want to risk me getting sick, hence the quarantine. I’m still not letting anyone else touch my shit, so they’re gonna try and set up a place for you somewhere in the building but that might take a bit. And if I’m not breaking my shit on the street constantly there’s not really any need for you to work. I know how much your job means to you and I’m sorry, but this is how it has to be.”

Katsuki ran his hands through his hair with frustration. He was already so tired, and dealing with so much, and he was still thinking about you. You opened your mouth to thank him, but he cut you off.

“And don’t even think about trying to move out now. You’d have to be the dumbest person alive if you thought I’d let you pull that shit right now,” he barked, starting to return to the Katsuki you knew and loved. You shook your head with a smile.

“I was just going to say thank you, dummy.” He blinked a few times, taken a bit aback.

“Of course you were, dumbass. You’re the dumb one around here. Saying dumb shit. Whatever. I’m fucking tired.” He had been up late last night, you thought to yourself, but you couldn’t resist teasing him a little bit more.

“I thought you wanted to make breakfast, Katsuki! You want me to starve?” you said with a laugh. Fuck. Seeing that smile on your face after such a long night was really all he needed. Maybe he was tired, if he was letting thoughts like that come this easily.

“You deserve to starve after all you put me through, shitty woman. I open my home to you and this is how you repay me?” You gave him a gentle pat on the head.

“You need to get some sleep, Mr. Pro Hero. Let me make breakfast for once, or finish it, seeing as you already did most of the work."

“Damn right,” he interrupted, nodding slowly

“Seriously, just take a nap or something. We can do breakfast later.” When he didn’t respond, you peered at him curiously only to find that he had fallen asleep in the middle of your conversation. He was that tired. You gently pushed him so that he was lying in a somewhat comfortable position, and grabbed a nearby throw blanket to cover him. You’d finish breakfast yourself, and let him sleep as much as he needed.

Katsuki woke up around three hours later, grouching about how you never should have let him sleep that much, and how dumb you were, but you knew he was feeling much better. Of course, you also knew that you would probably have to work out some sort of schedule so that you two could coexist. The more you thought about it, the weirder it seemed. Sure, you had thought that you saw Katsuki a lot, after all, he did make you breakfast, and drive you to work, and you had hung out at night a few times when he wasn’t too busy, but to be honest it wasn’t that much when all was said and done.

The life of a pro-hero was a busy one, and since Katsuki was Number 2 he had to deal with press conferences, fan events, and keep up with appearances. It had taken him a while, and you had heard more than your fair share of complaining from him over the years about overzealous fans, but he had gotten a lot better when it came to the social parts of hero life. Of course, he was still grouchy and barked at people constantly, but that was part of his charm. You were sure he definitely wouldn’t miss all those events. The point remained, you were about to be spending much more time with him than you ever had in your life, and while his apartment was big, you were a bit worried.

“Do you want to maybe set up a schedule or something?” you asked carefully. “And since I’m not really going to have any money coming in from work, how do you want to deal with paying for groceries and utilities and stuff?” That got his attention quick. He sat up from his relaxed position on the couch, and threw off the blanket you had so kindly provided for him.

“Are you seriously dumb enough to think that I was ever going to let you give me any money? Job or no job, I’m not taking shit and that’s final, princess,” he said, arms folded with sincerity. You fought back the urge to roll your eyes. It was the answer you expected, but it was so funny how even when he was being incredibly kind he had to call you dumb.

“Ok, even still, I don’t want to wind up getting in your way if we’re both home all day. I mean, I won’t really have anything to work on, maybe I can get some small tools up here or just work on something fun, but I don’t want to get in the way of anything you might want to be doing.” Unlike you, Katsuki was fully willing to roll his eyes at you.

/p>“What I going to be doing? I’m not working either. If anything, you should stay in my way so I don’t get bored out of my mind. Although I’m probably going to have to get some more machines and shit in here so I can stay in shape. Might have to put stuff in the living room. Not sure,” he mused.

Well, he was right. There really wasn’t much else he would be doing but working out so you wouldn’t really get in his way. Although, did you want to be around Katsuki when he was working out? Sure, you had seen him fight criminals before, and you had to measure his stats every so often when you were fixing his gear but for some reason your mind kept going to weird places whenever you thought about it. Would he wear a shirt when he worked out? Probably not, right? Wait a minute, why did you care if he wore a shirt or not? It didn’t matter, and you had enough close calls what with you two sharing a bathroom. And you were a grown woman! You had seen people with their shirts off before! This really wasn’t a big deal at all!

“What’s going on in that big nerd brain, princess? I see your gears turning,” Bakugou asked, poking your forehead. You felt your cheeks heat up. God, he had really caught you thinking about him- no, you weren’t even going to say it. Quick, what could you say?

“Just thinking about how crazy this all is. I mean, a global pandemic? It barely seems real!” Katsuki nodded understandingly.

“Yeah, it’s fucking weird not being able to do anything about it either. I mean, when was the last time either of us had any actual time off? Had to be maybe a bit after graduation, but I think that was it.” He was right. When was the last time you had genuinely taken a break? It had been nothing but constant work for you, especially once Katsuki started getting in serious fights on a regular basis. And of course, you had other heroes to deal with as well. Taking a break was just never really a thought that crossed your mind.

But now? You genuinely had no work to do. Nothing. For the first time in years, you could relax. Sure, you couldn’t really leave the apartment, but the apartment had a private pool. It could be so much worse. And the more you thought about it, the better you felt. Sure, it would be weird seeing Katsuki so much, but he was your best friend!

And wouldn’t it be better to have someone to talk to anyway? You would go crazy left to your own devices eventually, and you shuddered to think at how antisocial Katsuki might become if he didn’t see anyone for however long this lockdown lasted. Which might be a while. It was a good thing you were here. And with any luck, you could get Katsuki to cook for you more often. Yes, this was definitely a good thing. You flopped backwards onto the couch, spreading your body across the plush cushions.

“Want to put on a movie, since our afternoon appears to be free?” Katsuki nodded.

Interlude from Katsuki’s point of view

The minute he got the message about the meeting, he was nervous. And he was never nervous, but being a hero for this long meant he had developed a pretty good gut sense of when things were about to go south. And his gut was ringing a 5-fire alarm. Still, he put on the suit and wrestled with his hair to get it to some level of presentability. This meeting was rushed, but bound to be some level of televised. At the very least there would be photos, and the more put-together he looked the more at-ease the public felt.

As some doctor he didn’t know started to explain the circumstances, his mind kept going back to you, probably already asleep in his apartment. Maybe he had been too strict about the apartments you had been looking at, but damn if he wasn’t glad you were still there. And there was no way he was going to let you move out now. Catch the virus in some loser apartment, where he probably couldn’t even make you his get-well soup? Not fucking lightly.

“Ground Zero?” He was pulled away from his thoughts as someone called his name, sounding like it wasn’t the first time they had done so. Was this the doctor at the beginning? No, he recognized this lady. Some woman from the hero commission.

“Uh, yes?” Damn it. That wasn’t smooth at all, not befitting the number-2 hero.

“You do understand what this means for you, correct?” What? How was he involved in this? He wasn’t dumb enough to think he could blow up a virus. Maybe if he was 16, but surely not now.

“Of course I do.” Of course, he didn’t.

“So you’re fine with staying in your apartment for as long as we deem necessary? Again I must stress that it is of the upmost importance that we preserve the health of our strongest heroes,” replied the woman. Damn. He really needed to pay more attention in these meetings. He had to respond, quick. Sure, he was fine with that. He’d iron out the details later. And of course, it was still flattering to know that he was powerful enough that he had to go to such extents to avoid getting sick.

“Yeah. We’ll need to work out a training regimen and everything but if it’s gotta happen it’s gotta happen.” The woman nodded, pleased with his compliance, and soon the discussion moved from him and the other top heroes to people with quirks that might help with the virus. Yeah, he could probably stop listening now. And the people at his agency would help iron out the fine details.

Damn, it was getting late. You kept invading his thoughts. There was no way you would be leaving his apartment either, which meant it would be just the two of you alone together for who knows how long. Just how he liked it. The secret part of him he always tried to ignore was telling him that this would be just like a vacation (no, he needed to stay focused and work hard in case something happened), that he could show off his cooking skills to you every day (ok, good idea, secret brain), that no one else would be able to see you for months, least of all that bastard you used to live with, hah, he would get to spend so much time with you (why was he so happy about this?) Clearly he was overtired or something. The rest of the meeting dragged on into the morning, and he made sure to meet with his agency afterwards to take care of a few things, but all he really had on his mind was sleep.

Of course, the minute he walked through the door and saw your shoes on the floor, he stopped. He had to talk to you, explain everything. He started making you breakfast almost on autopilot. Then, maybe he explained things to you? Yes, he did that, but then somehow he was asleep on the couch. You shouldn’t have let him sleep so much. Although, it wasn’t like he had anywhere to go.

Now what? You wanted to talk schedules? He wouldn’t have let you in his house if he didn’t want you there, like hell you were going to leave. And you weren’t paying for shit either. He was going to take care of you like that bastard never cou- no, why was he comparing himself to him? And sure, he had the workout room and all, but maybe he should get some extra weights to put in the living room. That wouldn’t be weird, he still had to work out. Ok, now you were staring. Were you thinking about him? He hoped so. He had to tease you, at least a little.

No, this was going to be good. You and him and all this free time. Not like he could stand anyone else anyway. This was going to be good. As long as he stopped thinking all this weird shit. Felt like it was getting worse every day. No, this was going to be fine. He’s a grown-ass man, he’s the number-2 hero, he’s dealt with a ton of crap before. This lockdown would be a breeze.

[all1e23]

Swallow [Epilogue]

Epilogue: Nearly Eight Years Later. 

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: It was time to let go

A/N:   It’s the end! Thank you for sticking with me. I love this so so so so much, and I don’t normally say that about my writing. lolol.  It’s a bit long for an epilogue, but I felt it was needed. The friend Steve mentions in the letters in the first half is Phil, and when he says the garage, he means the club. Gotta talk in code. Prison, ya know? Send me love because I’m needy.  No beta so read at your own risk. ;-)

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam though! Thanks!*

Buck, 

Of all the dumb things you’ve ever done telling Y/n you’re over, and she needs to move on has to be one of the dumbest. You know she’s been writing you? She tried to come up and see you and they sent her away, but I’m guessing you know all that since you have to refuse.

She won’t wait around forever, you know? Or, maybe she will. The two of you I swear… 

I don’t know if you really thought about what you asked of her. Have you really thought about losing her to someone else? You keep pushing her away, and you might get your wish. She loves you. Don’t be an idiot. 

We are good. Garage is doing good. We miss you. 

I’ll write you soon.

Stay out of trouble. 

——

I don’t expect you to write me a love letter or anything but at least let me know your smartass mouth hasn’t gotten you killed, okay? 

Henry & Emma miss their Uncle. I was thinking about bringing them up to see you. Peggy thinks it would be good for everyone. You’re my family, no matter what. You’re my brother. 

Everyone is good. Garage is good. 

Y/n… is good. She misses you. 

Bring the twins for the fourth? Might do you some good. 

——

If you don’t answer me, Buck, I’m coming up anyway. 

Don’t shut everyone out. 

Everyone is good. Garage is good. 

—— 

I’m not dead. 

No. I don’t want you or the twins here. 

Y/n will move on. Just takes time. 

Tell her it takes time. 

—————

Six Months

—————

You’re a stubborn ass. 

Nice to get something back finally. I have to say, it hurt Y/n to know you’re writing me. She was visiting Peggy when I got the letter. Can’t you write her back once? It’s been six months since you went in. 

Six months is a long time, Buck. 

When are you going to let go of this bullshit and let me come see you?

Everyone is good. Garage is good. Thinking about a change. 

——

Never. Stop asking. 

Please stop talking about Y/n in your letters, Steve. Stop bringing her up. Stop telling me how she’s doing. I need to keep her out of my head if I am going to make it without her. 

Tell her I stopped writing. She can’t move on if she’s waiting on me and she needs to move on.

A change? 

——

You’re a bloody idiot James Buchanan Barnes. I don’t think I have ever met someone as foolish– Do you even know how a woman’s heart works? Or love for that matter? Are you really senseless enough to believe that Y/n could simply walk away from you? Forget you existed? 

Stop being utterly ignorant and let her come see you. 

Sorry about that. Peggy says, hi. 

Okay, Buck. I won’t bring her up again. 

Henry and Emma added some drawings. I don’t know if they will let you keep them. I hope they do. You deserve something for Christmas. 

Yes, a change. It’s about time, I think. Tony is ready to retire, and I think the rest of the garage is tired of working on cars day in and day out after everything. We all want something new. Nothing is for sure. I’ll let you know if we decide to close the shop doors for good.

Merry Christmas, Buck. 

——

Merry Christmas, Steve 

————-

One Year

————

Hey, Buck. 

Been a few months since I’ve heard from you. I know the longer you’re in, the harder it is. Don’t be mad, but I had a friend check up on you to make sure you’re okay. He said you’re staying quiet and keeping to yourself. I told him to keep an eye on you. 

Bitch all you want. At least I know someone is watching your back when I can’t. 

Twins are doing good. Ems is doing ballet now. You should see her in the little pink glitter tutu they make her wear. It’s adorable and I kind of hate it. I’m in trouble, Buck. Big trouble. Henry is good. Smartmouth. Takes after you. Always getting into fights. That one might be on me. 

Everyone is good. Garage is good. 

Write me back.

——

Six months and no word? Fine. I get it. You don’t want to talk, but I won’t abandon you. I won’t let you do this alone, no matter how determined you are to punish yourself. 

Nothing has changed much. Henry started playing football. Emma is still dancing. Peggy says you’re still an idiot, but she loves you. 

Sam is good. Pissed you won’t let him visit. 

Everyone is good. Garage is good. 

————–

Two Years

————-

Dance is a thing of the past. 

Emma has moved on to cheer and, man, do I hate cheer. Hate it, Buck. Henry is still playing ball. Pretty good, I think. Peggy says too young to tell. 

Everyone is good. We all miss you. Garage is good, but I think it’s time we talked closing up shop. Tony is retiring at the end of this year. Wants more time with Pepper and Morgan. I don’t blame him. Working all the time, I miss the twins. 

They are growing up fast. 

I miss you, Buck. 

—–

I don’t even know what to say. I wish you would let me know how you are. Give me something here, Bucky?

Everyone is good. Garage is good for now. 

I know you don’t want to know, but she’s okay. 

—————

Three years

—————

Merry Christmas, Buck. 

I sent you money to your commissary so you could at least get a few magazines and maybe some smokes. How are you doing? We miss you. The twins miss you. Sam misses you. 

Got your outstanding debt paid off and gave your bike a tuneup. She’s purring real pretty, but don’t worry she’s still your girl. I’ll make sure she’s in good shape when you get home. 

—-

Thanks for the smokes. I was about to lose my mind. Oh, and keep your ugly ass off my girl. 

Miss you all, too. Don’t tell Sam I said that. 

I’m glad she’s moving on.

—————

Four Years 

—————

Since you’ve ignored my last ten letters, I’ll take it you don’t want to talk. Fine. I added pictures from the twin’s birthday, and before you get pissed, there aren’t any pictures of her. I didn’t think you would want them. 

I made sure to throw in a couple of gifts from you into their mountain of gifts. Emma is over tea parties, but she’s really into make-up, so expect a makeover when you get out. Maybe your niece can get you to cut your hair? 

You’re nearly there, Buck. Hang on a bit longer, and you’ll be home. 

If you change your mind, about the pictures, just say the word. See you soon. 

——

Just one. Please.

————–

Five years 

————–

Don’t you have a wife and kids to take care of? A sam, too? Instead, you’re spending all your time writing to me.  Sixteen letters is a bit much, Stevie. 

I’m okay, punk. I’m alright. 

Listen, I know you want me to come and stay with you when I get out, but I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t work for the garage after this mess. I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay at your place. I don’t want to mess up your life now. Drop it for now, okay, Steve?

I know I never said, but, thank you for the picture. I miss her. Just thanks. 

——

If you would write me back regularly this wouldn’t be an issue, you know? I wouldn’t feel the need to check up on you several times a week. Now, what the hell are you thinking, Buck?

Where are you going to go if not home? This has been your home your entire life. You come home, stay with us, and figure out your next step. You will always have a place here so quit trying to get out of it punk. You’re family. 

You’re welcome. She misses you, too. We all do. 

——-

I hear there was an incident at the prison. Schmidt was found dead. In the one corner of the rec yard that has a blind spot from cameras? That’s a tough break. 

——-

I was in solitary for mouthing off to some guard – Coulson I think. Wasn’t there. Too bad I missed it, but we are all better off. 

————-

Six Years

————

It looks like the garage will be settled at the end of the year. I’ll save your share from the sale for when you get out. I talked to Fury, and he said one of us can be there to pick you up. I am guessing that it will be me? I won’t bring the kids or Peggy. Give you some time to get your head together before I bring you home. 

Peggy is talking about getting the spare room set up for you. It already has all your things packed up in boxes from the garage. You can stay here for as long as you like. I”m sure the twins would love to have their uncle back and I wouldn’t mind having my best friend back either. 

Let me know the date once you’ve got it figured out and I’ll be there with your girl. I haven’t touched her! I swear no one has touched your bike. 

Y/n is okay, too. Stubborn, but good. 

We will talk soon… Hell, I’ll see you, I guess. 

Soon, Buck. Just a few more months. 

——

Steve, 

It’s good the garage settled. 

It was time to let that go; time for everyone. 

I should still go. I know I don’t have to. I know I can stay with you and Pegs. I’ll always be grateful to you for everything you’ve done, but I can’t. 

We both know that. 

A lot can change in seven years. You’ve got teenagers. Do the twins really remember me? Might be weird to have a stranger hanging around they have to call their uncle. You and Pegs deserve time alone, and you don’t need a third wheel hanging around. 

To be honest, I don’t know if I can see… her. She’s moved on, and I’m glad. I really am. That’s all I wanted for her. I didn’t want her to waste her life waiting for me to show back up so I could fuck it up again. I just… I can’t watch that. I can’t handle seeing her with someone else, and I won’t make her leave town and leave her family again. 

There’s no place for me here now. 

Besides, I’ve always wanted to take my bike and hit the road. Go from coast to coast. See what shit is out there. Maybe this is my time? 

I think Fury sent you the paperwork with my release date. If you could, bring my bike and my bag. Just drop it at the gate. I can’t face everybody. I won’t leave if I do.  Thank you for everything and thank you for watching over her when I couldn’t. 

I’ve only ever wanted her happy. Maybe now she can have the life she’s always wanted.

See ya around, Stevie. 

—————————————————–

Seven years, three months and six days

—————————————————–

“Barnes! Let’s go!” 

Bucky tucked his longer than usual hair behind his ears and ran his hand over his leather jacket, staring at the missing patch as he followed the guard in front of him. He was glad the club shut down last year. It was more than time to kill it. His father started the club to keep his neighborhood safe, but it has only ever led to more destruction. He should have shut it down when his father died, but what would he have done to support you? Yeah, it sounded stupid and old fashioned. He knew he didn’t have to support you, but he really did. That was just the man he was, and outside of being a mechanic and an outlaw, there wasn’t much to him. 

Honey and amber-colored rays were barely peeking up over the tops of the trees. Bucky wasn’t sure where he was going to go, but he knew his place wasn’t in this town anymore. Everyone grew up and moved on while he was locked up, and it was time he did the same.

The gate slowly rolled open, and Bucky stepped onto the other side, his shoulders sagged in relief. It felt good to be out, but he still felt empty after everything he had to give up to get this… freedom. Bucky always thought when he was finally free of the club, it would be for you; he would have you. The part of him that couldn’t let you go, even after all these years, wondered what you were doing right then – getting ready to have dinner, taking your kids to see Clint, or having dinner with your husband, maybe? Bucky didn’t know if any of that was reality or a painful joke his head invented to hurt his heart. Truthfully, he didn’t know anything about you anymore, and he needed it to stay that way if he was going to live without you. He couldn’t bear to hear about the life you built without him, but he hoped you had all that and so much more. 

He hoped you had everything you ever wanted. 

The gate shut behind him, and Bucky could breathe again – as best he could without you anyway, it would take more than seven years to learn how to breathe without you. Bucky eyes scanned the parking lot until he spotted his bike in the far corner, and his heart dropped. He told Steve he didn’t want anyone to see him off. He couldn’t handle saying goodbye again, and of course, the little shit didn’t listen.

Because there you were. 

You gently pushed off the bike and started towards him. Bucky’s eyes dropped to the ground, and he shook his head; as angry as he wanted to be, he couldn’t find it in himself to upset. 

He was so relieved to see you.

Bucky stopped in front of you and sighed, “You weren’t supposed to waste your life on me. I told you to find some good ol’ boy and get married at the church and all that. What happened to starting your life?” 

You shrugged and closed the gap between you, “You can’t tell me what to do. And who says waiting for you was wasting my life? I get to decide what my life looks like not you.” 

“Stubborn,” Bucky huffed with a grin. 

“Impossible,” You countered, grinning right back. 

Bucky wanted to explain why he didn’t write or call, tell you why he wanted you to move on, but he knew you understood. You always understood. You knew his heart better than he did – you’ve held it for longer than he has. 

He looked down, and the guns n’ roses t-shirt made him grin. Fourteen years later and you’re still wearing that old thing. It’s faded a bit since he bought it for you, but damn you looked good in it. In the middle of the rose, resting comfortably was your ring hanging from his old chain. Bucky licked his lips and hooked his right index in your ring, giving a gentle tug. 

“Rings go on your finger, sweetheart.”

You reached back to undo the chain and finally parted the ring from the chain, letting it sit on his index finger but only for a moment. You held your left hand out, and he slipped the delicate band on. He never thought the first time he would get that ring on your finger would be as a convicted felon, standing in the middle of a prison’s parking lot. That didn’t matter he supposed. None of that bullshit has mattered for a long, long time. The only thing that mattered was you, and you were here. 

You were really here and still his. 

“I can’t go back.“ He tested warily. 

One last chance. An out. He was giving it to you freely. He wouldn’t be angry with you for taking it. He understood the burden of loving him and what it meant for your future. He would never blame you for not being able to handle that weight. Bucky’s loved you for more than half his life, and he knew better than most, sometimes, loving you meant letting you go for a bit. You’re never really lost in the end. 

Whether he had to let you go or not, he was going to go on loving you till his last breath.

A quick nod towards the back of the bike he spotted your bag strapped on top of his and that old wooden box of his dads tucked comfortably between them. You already knew, and neither of you was going back home. You were both starting over somewhere new just like you always wanted.

Bucky captured your lips in one quick swoop, and it was just as he remembered – sweet and sure, the only thing that has kept his heart beating these last twenty-odd years; your love and those sweet kisses. His forehead rested against yours, and his hands tightened around your waist. He just had to make sure you were real and not another dream. You tugged at his leather and took a deep breath, breathing him in after seven long years, and nothing at all had changed. You smiled and let your hands wander up his chest and wrap securely around his neck, tiny fingers finding their way into delicate strands.  

“Can we start our life now?” 

He grinned and dropped one more kiss to your lips.

“Yeah, baby, we can start our life now.” 

A yelp echoed in the nearly empty lot as Bucky’s arms tightened around your waist and lifted your feet from the ground, carrying you to his bike and grinning the whole way. He had planned on riding off with no destination in mind and a heavy heart dragging behind him, but somehow he got another chance, and he wasn’t sure what he did to earn it. He certainly didn’t deserve it or you. It didn’t matter why he got it. Now that he had it, he was going to spend the next few decades making up for every secret and lie, every tear shed and every second spent apart. 

You always find your way back to each other, and he was stupid to think this time would be any different. 

The bike rumbled to life under you both and Bucky settled back against you for a moment, letting his hand rest on your leg – a little pause to be sure. His reassurance came as a lingering kiss to his cheek. He sat up and let your arms envelop him; one around his waist and the other draped over his shoulder. And, then, all you could see was a sunset glow and blacktop. Bucky pulled your left hand from his chest and placed a kiss to your swallow before letting it rest back over his heart. A stoplight and a soft whisper in his ear asking where you were headed and a simple answer, wherever you want, pretty girl.  He could go anywhere as long as you were there. You didn’t respond or mention a destination, so he was going to drive till one or both of you got tired. 

You’ve got plenty of time to figure out where you were headed, but he was stopping at the first chapel he sees. Maybe he would take you on out to California. That ring on your finger might sparkle different in that fancy west coast sunshine. Bucky wouldn’t mind finding out, but for now, he would just drive. Your weight melted against his back, relaxing into his warmth and it ignited a deep, hidden piece of his soul that’s only ever been meant for you. He met your eye in the small triangle-shaped side mirror and winked as his wrist twisted forward, lurching the bike ahead. The squeal that fell from your lips had him laughing, loud, and unbridled. Of course, his first real laugh in a decade was because of you and everything was just as it should be. You tightened your arms around him, and he placed a hand over your own, guarding his heart and yours. 

Just like always. 

Previous // Masterlist

[musicdork]

jjba social media/tiktok au!! (hcs)

there’s a lot about josuke im so sorry sfjlesfejk,, it started out as just him and then i was like “”,, what about other people?”” other’s are at the very end

it’s pretty fuckin long i,, im so sorry hh,, also my thought process was kinda Everywhere with this so like,, hope you can still enjoy this haha

[ edit ] this’ll be like,,, a masterpost or something for my hcs so this is,, very long,,

- you CANNOT tell me that Josuke isn't the kind of person who'd make thirst traps n him just being confident in his body like!!!

- tiktok josuke would be a blessing for me

- he'd make the thirst traps but in the caption be all embarrassed about it and like???? hOW ADORABLE!!!!

- i also feel like he'd make some gaming jokes,,,

- then ppl see jotaro a couple times and are like 👁️👄👁️💦

- OH MY GOD

- WHAT IF HE GOT OKUYASU N KOICHI TO DO SOME DANCES WITH HIM!!! or just them generally being dorks n they have a whole fanbase

- AND THE GIRLS AND THE GAYS GO BATSHIT LMAO (he's on gay tiktok, period. and like, other niche n weird spaces of tiktok)

- josuke's making a tiktok and it starts off in his room. he points up n text appears, "you guys wanna know how joot and i are related?"

- then he does a basic transition to where he's at jotaro's hotel room, having him and jotaro in frame with an arm wrapped around his shoulder.

- josuke's grinning

- jotaro has no fuckin clue whats going on

- a text appears above them, "say hello to my little nephew"

- i can see josuke doing povs, not the cringey kind but some that would be comforting for others;; who really need it.

- for his username my brain came up with starboy99 but he would definitely have his full name at the top of the screen

- probably part japanese to shorten the amount of characters he has to use (what i should've said is part KANJI n part romanji but hhh)

- i feel like he uses they pronouns too

- i have to think of his bio 👀

- definitely have his pronouns

- maybe a small quote? "just here to have a bizarre adventure! 💫"

- maybe something like that

- DEFINITELY have that he's a minor cause when he didn't have that,,, a lot of adults were simping for him and i feel that would make him Uncomfy

- he's adequate at transitions, but doesn't take too much time to learn them tbh. he's definitely the person to have vloggy type of tiktoks where he just shows a minute of his day

- absolutely would have okuyasu in his tiktoks with them doing dumb shit (like pranking rohan hehe) and them just being DORKS. a lot of ppl would think they're dating or just have a really good bromance

- he got a second of jotaro with his hat off and everyone died that day

- jotaro's in his tiktoks but very rarely

- when he is, people go BATSHIT with the simping

- i can see his following being fairly decent, and him getting decent traction but would also get shadowbanned a couple of times

- he definitely talks about retro games a lot and makes memes centered around them

- i can't say for certain what side(s) of tiktok he's on except for the obvious gay tiktok

- the more wholesome side, definitely activism, some povs, splash in some diversity, maybe japanese tiktok?? im sure that exists

- idk the more obscure sides,,

- he's a casual tiktoker for sure, maybe posting twice a week

- when he's especially bored he might post a couple times in a day, maybe an hour :'))

- i take that back, maybe three times? three times sounds fair

here’s a little break for your eyes lmao, there were a Lot more than i thought holy shit,,

-  JOSEPH (P2!) WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE TIKTOK SJSNS

- rohan makes two tiktoks

- they both blow up (and act like they don’t know nobodayy HAHAHA)

- he has a large following (mainly jap)

- but he barely uses tiktok after that

- i can't see giorno having social media tbh

-  he'd try to predict the algorithm based on the stuff he posts when he first gets the app.

- its mainly just him being a goof with a couple thirst traps thrown in there once he realizes "oh shit, i have simps?"

- caesar is featured once n already has a fanbase under joseph's acc (joseph's not jealous or anything,, nooo,,,,)

- like he's in the mafia,,,

- wait

- or maybe he just takes really good pictures of nature,,, i can see that

- a lot of people ask "where is this dude's parents,,,"

- narancia,, is the one who has tiktok (in bucci gang)

- mista would always (not ALWAYS but very. often.) find ways to be in them/photobomb

- i can see his (narancia’s) fyp being like super wholesome with some dumb memes but also popular music covers

- like rock covers or sumn similar

i deadass thought i had a couple for johnathan and erina too but!! can’t find them so,,

-  so one day he makes a tiktok, inside the turtle lmao

- at first he's like "why are you guys asking where my parents are;;"

- the camera flips to abbacchio and bruno

- "they're right here"

- cue a chuckling giorno and a laughing mista

- they do all the couple tiktoks together,, all the cute ones at least. i can see them doing the more wholesome dances too! they would all around just be the cute couple everyone else aims to be

- also thought i had some part 3 hcs saved?? wtf my saving skills are terrible,,

- polnareff is the one with tiktok. he would go around filming small snippets of stuff that happens with the crusaders (ignoring that,,, tiktok Did Not exist at the time haha)

- jotaro and kakyoin were definitely featured in his tiktoks!! i can see avdol with his arms folded being like “...we have better things to do--”

- but pol is like “but the fans, avdol! think about the content they’ll be missing out on!!”

- he’s hopeless LMAO. but honestly?? he'd make a good vlogger too!! his charisma would definitely be to his advantage

- you bet your ass that oldseph photobombs any chance he gets lmaooo he’s also the guy that a small part of polnareff’s fans simp for. 

- actually, each crusader has their own small fanbase within pol’s tiktok account. i feel the majority would be fans of jotaro and polnareff (it is his acc,,)

- jotaro’s fyp, when he reluctantly gets tiktok, consists of animals,, animal facts, funny animal tiktoks, ocean tiktoks for sure, just a lot of naturey stuff!! but he barely uses it though haha

- kakyoin uses tiktok every now and then! i feel he would prefer instagram more. he mainly posts his artworks, and the occasional retro game case hehe. he does the Dumbest shit on his “close friends” story, it’s great. i feel that’s also where he goes to ramble about whatever’s on his mind

- avdol definitely has a work instagram, only using it for his fortune telling business and trying to network with different tarot readers and fortune tellers. he likes the small community he has,, hehe,,

whoever read all this I'll cry in your arms

[valkyrieskwad]

If you are taking prompts, what if after the rift Lena starts posting pics of her and kara just keeps liking them, and Lena just slowly starts posting things kara may like. But they don't know how to get past that so that's their lifeline for now.

Haha, prompts are always welcome. Always glad to butcher ideas for people.

Anyway, here ya go!

–

It doesn’t really occur to Lena that she has a crush on Kara, until it hits her one day–out of the blue, out of nowhere, unexpectedly–and then she spends the next ten minutes with her heart in her throat because what the fuck?

The worst part is that she doesn’t figure it out during their friendship or even right after their fallout; she figures it out six months after they’ve parted ways, six months after the Big Fight and the tears and harsh words, six months after they’ve said shit-all to one another, stopped acknowledging each other’s existence, and–

Actually, no, okay, the worst part is that she figures it out when she sees “Liked by Kara.D and 19 others” under an instagram picture she posted of her posing with her hydroponic vegetable garden.

Which is probably the dumbest thing ever.

She’s not even sure why she hasn’t blocked Kara on instagram and all other forms of social media. She’s not even sure why she posted that dumb picture or cares that Kara likes it. She’s not even… she doesn’t really know why there are butterflies in her belly for this of all things.

But there it is. On her phone screen. Kara.D in bold. Kara liked her picture.

+

It happens again a couple days later, and it’s… honestly, it’s not like Lena’s angling for it or whatever, didn’t post another picture just to see if Kara would like it (she didn’t okay, didn’t didn’t didn’t), but Kara’s liked two of her pictures now and some part of that feels addicting.

+

Ugh.

It’s stupid, she knows it’s stupid, knows it’s so dumb it makes her belly twists in knots when she stops too long to think about it–but the next picture she posts, she’s half-mostly-entirely hoping Kara will like it. She’s angling for it now, officially. She wants it, craves it, wants to see Kara.D in her notifications, and.

She does, of course; Kara likes it, and Lena hates how settled that makes her feel.

+

“I didn’t know either,” Sam comments, a few days later over lunch. “But it doesn’t feel like… I mean, it’s Kara, Lena. You know her mo–”

“I don’t,” Lena says, scraping her fork through her salad leaves, hoping it’s not too obvious how much the tips of her ears are heating up. Because she doesn’t know Kara. She knows the girl Kara wanted her know, the one that seemed quirky and awkward and adorable, when really, honestly, she was just always making up bad excuses to cover her lies.

She didn’t even bother to think of good excuses. She didn’t even respect Lena enough to make it less obvious, just relied on how much Lena so totally, unequivocally trusted her to completely sell her lie lie lies, all the fucking lies. Lena’s as much of a fool as Lex said she is.

“I don’t actually know her, and neither do you. You should remember that.”

Sam shrugs. “You should block her on instagram, then.”

+

Lena doesn’t.

Of course she doesn’t. She posts another picture of her posing with fresh carrots, waits for Kara to like it, and then an hour later gets a text from Sam saying, ’you should just talk to her. You probably know her more than you think you do.’

Which is dumb advice and she hates it and hates Sam for saying it.

So she blocks Sam on instagram, instead.

Then she unblocks her when Sam sends the rolling eyes emoji and says, ’fine, I won’t bring it up again.’

+

But it was completely a lie, of course it was, because Sam brings it up again a week later in spin class. Right after the instructor makes a Supergirl reference. Right after Lena rolls her eyes and leans in on her bike so maybe she can burn so many calories her brain stops working.

“You know, Supergirl saved my life,” Sam says offhandedly. “She’s saved your life too. Lot’s of times. Nearly gotten killed for trying to protect you, so I’m just saying–”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lena cuts in, which is… weird. It’s weird because she wholeheartedly believes none of that matters, and genuinely doesn’t like or trust Kara, and yet the only thing she’s thought about for the past however many hours is what picture she can post next that Kara might like.

“Really,” she says after a while. “I mean, I don’t doubt she’s a good person. But she played me, and she knew she was doing it the whole time.”

“I guess that’s fair,” Sam says, and then she actually drops the subject.

+

Lena decides on tomatoes for the next picture, and then she spends a weird amount of time getting a good picture, and an even longer time thinking of a good caption. Because her instagram is growing and she wants to be diligent, not for Kara or anything like that.

Anywho.

After a small eternity, she finally goes with, ’looks like a fruit made it into my vegetable garden’, and then smiles when Kara’s the first to like it.

+

She doesn’t have a problem. Problems mean there’s something to solve. Problems generate hypotheses and have ways to figure out solutions. Problems indicate that something is actually wrong, is actually fixable, is actually an issue. Lena doesn’t have issues, she has instagram.

And she just really likes posting pictures.

So what if Kara’s liked everything, okay? Even the one with the squash and the one with the eggplants and the one that Lena’s not even in, just her admiring a particularly nice bottle of wine.

So what if like, sometimes she posts pictures and obviously puts something she knows Kara likes, or sometimes she constantly refreshes her phone to see Kara’s name. So what? It’s not a problem, it’s just. It’s life. There are no issues here.

+

Maybe she has a problem, sure, maybe it could be quantified that way if someone’s willing to make a Space Jam-Michael Jordan-arm-type reach to say her instagram posting is an issue. But Lena doesn’t like to think of it that way.

She just thinks it’s a good hobby, a pleasurable pastime. It’s perfectly fine.

Everyone has an instagram. Everyone is posting pictures.

Jesus.

+

It’s a problem, fine, fuck. She can’t stop thinking about Kara, can’t stop imagining her face and her voice and sometimes when Kara takes a while to like a picture she feels a little depressed. And sometimes she just really hopes that Kara will go out on a limb and leave a comment instead.

She just–she wants Kara bad enough it hurts in all the worst-icky ways. She wants her so much she can’t breathe. And at the same time she like, she despises her.

Which is an issue, yes, conflicting things in her brain, creating cognitive dissonance.

But, truly, the instagram thing isn’t the issue. The instagram thing is helping, she thinks. This way she has Kara, but she doesn’t have to have Kara. This way she can post something she likes and Kara can say, ’i like that, too.’

This way it’s less messy, and they don’t have to acknowledge that they can’t fix their friendship. Or, like, ever be in a relationship.

This way they can still hold on to each other, and everything doesn’t have to feel so final, so definite.

It doesn’t have to actually, fully be over.

It’s harmless, really.

[quicksilverlightning]

The All Might Fan Forum Discussion Board

 ALL MIGHT FAN FORUM

General Discussion All Might Battles Meeting All Might     Rescued by All Might     All Might Encounters     >Small Might Encounters (New!) Fanart and Fanfiction

CaptainCelb09 So, I've met All Might before. I just didn't know it was him.

It wasn't a big deal or anything - I tripped walking home one day and this really tall skinny guy stopped to make sure I was okay. I was embarrassed someone saw me and brushed him off, practically ran away. Now I'm sitting here with my face on fire cause I tripped in front of ALL MIGHT and he tried to help me up and akslhsdfouashefgoawu I cannot fucking believe this I should have taken his hand

070809 Pudding Cups

Time - 6:53 PM

Scene - Shofu Park

Your Narrator - crying on a bench

My girlfriend had just broken up with me. Through text. Like, ouch, right? Anyway.

I'm just kinda staring at my phone, blurry eyed, kicking at maple leaves, wishing I could text her back cause she just blocked my number when this tall blond guy shuffles up and takes a seat at the other end of the bench. Doesn't say anything, just sits, placing his grocery bag beside him. It's a public park, whatever right?

I'm wiping my eyes, putting my phone back in my pocket and suddenly there's this white thing in front of me - blond guy is offering me a napkin, Still doesn't say anything, just smiles a little. I take it and wipe my eyes, blow my nose, try to get it together cause apparently I look bad enough that this complete stranger is worried about me. I'm stuffing the napkin in a pocket when he holds something else out - a chocolate pudding cup, one of those with the little spoons in the lid.

I'm kinda like wha? but take it anyway and he takes another one out of his bag, he's got a six pack of them in there, and he tears off the lid and starts snacking and I do the same cause fuck it, right? I eat the whole thing and he gives me another one, like we're old friends or something and I'm halfway through it when he finally speaks.

"Bad day?"

And I can't help but laugh. It's so dumb. I'm single and heartbroken and eating pudding cups with this stranger on a public park bench as it gets dark and I don't know what to feel anymore. I tell him what happened and we eat the whole six pack together, shootin' the shit until the street lights come on. He calls me "young man" and claps me on the shoulder and it's so dumb but it cheered me up. He puts all the trash back into the bag and tosses it in the bin and tells me he needs to get going and hell, I do too.

I didn't even get his name. I thought about that encounter a lot though. I have a new girlfriend and she's great. We were together when All Might's last battle happened, watching everything go down on the TV at a bar and we're all losing our shit and I lose it even harder when the smoke clears cause that's the guy I ate pudding cups with what the hell

The last three years, any time I'm having a bad day, I go to the store and get some chocolate pudding cups. Whenever the world was just a shitty place, I'd think about that blond guy, shuffling through the park and making things better as he went along.

And I guess it figures that man would turn out to be All Might, cause that's what All Might has always done - moved forward and made things better.

spite-and-aesthetic my dumbass cat

small might plucked my stupid cat out of a tree wtf kinda cliche is this guy

AM_FAN0112 i cannot BELIEVE

TWO YEARS. TWO FUCKING YEARS ALL MIGHT HAS BEEN COMING INTO MY SHOP ARE YOU SERIOUS WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL TOSHINORI

I'M DEADASS SERIOUS HE COMES IN EVERY FEW WEEKS AND BUYS A BOOK AND SOMETIMES WE CHAT ABOUT MANGA AND HE ALWAYS ASKS HOW SCHOOL IS GOING AND HELPS WITH MY ENGLISH HES SO NICE AND TOLD ME TO CALL HIM TOSHINORI IS THAT HIS REAL NAME?? A CODENAME?

I GOT HIM HOOKED ON SUGAR SUGAR CAT CAFE ITS THE DUMBEST SYRUPY SHOUJO ROMANCE AND WEVE BEEN READING IT TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR WHAT IS MY LIFE

Sexi-tery Long post is long

Lemme set the scene; it's raining buckets, and I'm on my way to a job interview in the ritzier part of town. I've got my best clothes on - nice, crisp suit jacket, smart-looking skirt, a decent-but-could-be-shinier pair of heels. I've just left lunch with a friend and I've got an hour before the most important interview of my life.

That's when a bus rolls by and drenches me in the greasy puddle-water of downtown Tokyo.

Y'all, I was trying not to hyperventilate. I don't have time to go home and change. Even if I did, these were my best clothes. I'm screwed, no one is going to hire me looking like a sopping mess, *I* wouldn't hire me looking like this whatdoIdo

Someone picks up my umbrella. I didn't even realize I'd dropped it. I'm still freaking out. Someone is pulling me, I'm not even on this planet right now, someone is talking to me, I have an interview, where are my anxiety meds?

There's this blond guy hunched over, trying to bring me back down, telling me to breathe, calm down, you'll be okay. He's breathing with me and it's working and I think I might be crying but my face is so wet I can't tell.

He gets the story out of me once I'm back on planet Earth, and gets this determined look on his face. Drags me across the street into a clothing store. A really, really nice clothing store. Outta-my-budget, outta-my-lifetime sort of clothing store. Pushes me to the racks, tells me to pick out whatever I want.

I don't even question it - I may be back on Earth, but I'm still in the upper atmosphere somewhere. I grab a few things to take to the dressing room and fit myself into an extremely nice pantsuit. An attendant comes in to help, gets the tags off so I can wear the clothes out, bags my soaking wet puddle of fabric and blond guy pays for it all without even blinking.

He leads me back out, hails a cab, and I'm like, what now? And we pull up to a salon and he gets my hair dried and done, I KNOW he must have tipped the hairdresser a crazy amount to get me in and out that quickly, and the cab is idling outside the whole time, waiting to take me to my interview when we're done. All the while, blond guy is smiling, cracking jokes, and just being all-around charming. I'm wondering what I'm going to owe for this, what he wants, maybe he's some sort of creeper? But he seems so nice?

And when we're done, he prods me over to the cab, but doesn't get in. Doesn't ask for anything, just wishes me good luck. Like, who even is this guy? Who does all that for a total stranger?

All Might, that's who. Holy crap you guys, All Might got me to my interview on time and it's the best job I've ever had. I'd still be pushing pencils in a miserable office if he hadn't been there that day.

 Kirasagwa74

A train ride

I remember a time before All Might. I remember when the Yakuza worked out in the open and villains took what they wanted without fear.

I'm old, is what I'm saying. These bones ache and creak every time the weather even thinks about changing. I don't complain too much; I'm used to it. I'm used to being out of the loop and lost in the shuffle. It's alright - I have my routines and I stick to 'em.

One of them is riding the train to a favorite cafe. They have an excellent coffee blend. I've seen All Might on that train many times, though I never knew it was him until a little while ago. He's a good man with kind eyes. If it was crowded, he would let me have his seat. Chat about the good ol' days, heroes from another generation. I haven't seen him on the train in a while. I miss him.

SingleSuperMom31 Carried Home

This was pretty recent - just a few months ago. Long post up ahead.

Context: I'm a single mom. My ex didn't want kids, so I've raised Aya by myself. It's been a little difficult lately thanks to a broken arm, but I've managed.

Anyway, I took Aya to a local park a few months ago. It's a few minutes walk from the apartment, and I wanted to grab some things from the store anyway, so I took her out to let her burn off some energy. Her Quirk is Photosynthesis, so she has a lot of it!

When we get there, the first thing Aya wants to do is get on the swings. She's almost three and my arm is broken - I don't want to put her in a regular swing in case she falls, so I'm trying to maneuver her into one of the strapped swings with one arm. Aya isn't heavy, but I'm still struggling to manage when a thin man with blond hair walks up.

"Ma'am? Would you like some help?"

He's tall, super super tall, and gaunt, but he has a kind smile. Aya likes him right away and helps her into the swing and pushes her a little while she screams to go higher.

He was so, so nice to my little girl. He let her call him Toshi and played with her for over an hour, lifting her on the monkey bars and holding her hands on the balance beam since I couldn't manage it at the moment. He sits with me when some other children come to play, and we talk a while, about Aya, about how my arm got broken (it's quite a story), about being a single parent.

It's hard, you know? I love my kid, I'd die for her, but it's still hard, and it's even harder with this arm. He was just so nice - he had this presence, like you could tell him anything and I did. I told him about my ex, that he left, that he didn't want to be a part of Aya's life. You could tell he was really listening, not just being polite. I've gotten a little teared up, and he just smiles and pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket. He's quiet for a little bit, watching the kids play. Then he turns back to me, and I know I'll remember this for the rest of my life, word for word -

"I don't have any family of my own, so perhaps it doesn't mean much coming from me," he looks a little awkward. "But for what's it's worth, I think you're doing a fine job. One day, Aya will be old enough to appreciate what a strong, lovely mother she has."

Aya sees me crying and comes rushing over, hugging my knees and I'm a mess and maybe a little bit in love. He's just so kind and Aya has crawled into my lap and hugs my neck. It's sunset, so her Quirk is finally slowing down and she falls asleep while I'm still reeling over the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

I'm apologizing, it's late, I still haven't gone to the store, Aya is asleep on my lap and I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna get her home with this broken arm and he offers to walk us home. He lifts Aya up and puts her head on his shoulder and I know she's drooling a bit, but it doesn't seem to bother him. He radiates this goodness and warmth and safety; I don't even hesitate to invite him in for a cup of tea. He comes in long enough to put Aya on the couch, but doesn't stay. He wished us both well, and that was it. I took Aya to the park every day that week, hoping to see him again, but I didn't.

Until two weeks ago - I was making dinner and Aya was watching cartoons. I thought it was cartoons anway, when she yells -

"Mommy! That's the man who carried me home!"

And that's definitely him, there's no mistaking it. I shouldn't be letting a three year old watch this, but I can't look away either. All Might played with my Aya. All Might told me I was a good mother. All Might carried my daughter home. All Might is fighting for his life on my television right now.

I didn't know what love was until I held Aya in my arms. I didn't know what heroism was either, not until that night. Not until I connected two people together and realized they were the same person. I didn't know what a hero was until I realized that "hero" wasn't a title All Might put on and took off, it's something he IS, 24/7, on and off the clock. I'd live the rest of my life with a broken arm if I could have half of the strength and kindness that exists in this man, if I could be even a fraction of the person he is.

I think about him every day. I got an All Might keychain, so I'd always have something close by to remind me that heroism isn't always about punching villains and holding up buildings; sometimes, heroism is about talking to a stranger. Sometimes, heroism is about pushing a swing.

Sometimes, heroism is about carrying a little girl home.

[doomedandstoned]

How Bands Can Get More Spotify Streams

~Bacon's Blog~

One of the things that I see gets a lot of people frustrated is Spotify. I wanted to break down some of my favorite ways to ensure that the artists I work with get more streams and their music gets the attention it deserves.

What it really boils down to is pitching songs to Spotify for Artists, understanding what Spotify is looking for around the web, and then of course understanding what Spotify is looking for on the platform itself. They’re tracking. How do we use that to blow up?

3. Pitching To Spotify For Artists

This is a really big one that needs to be done six weeks in advance of a single release. All you do is go into your Spotify for Artists and use the pitch feature to tell Spotify why they should add a song you recently scheduled for release on the platform to one of their famous curated playlists.

When doing this you really want to explain what you are doing to promote your band, but also what you are doing to get people to Spotify. That is to say, tell Spotify if you’re making playlists and sharing them or running ads to push people to your page. This stuff matters. They want you to help them grow, and in turn they might help you.

2. What Is Spotify Looking For Around The Web?

Part of how Spotify helps you to grow is adding you to their algorithmic playlists. These are the ones like ‘Black & Dark Metal’ on Spotify. They are populated by an algorithm. One of the main things that algorithm looks for is how much people are talking about your band and record. This can mean anything from people talking about it on social media to getting lots of press about it.

Furthermore, Spotify wants to see your band talking about Spotify. One of the easiest ways to do this is to tag them in posts where you direct fans to listen to you on Spotify. This helps the algorithm to see, "Oh, these guys give a shit and are helping us, so we should help them."

1. What Is Spotify Looking For On The Platform?

Ah yes, the big one. Well, first and foremost, Spotify is interested in full plays of your songs, the amount of people landing on your profile page, and the amount of playlists you can get added to. Let’s break down how to push each of those.

For full plays of your songs, you basically have to have good songs. Why else would someone listen to a full track? But per profile page landings, why not just run an ad? Get people going to your Spotify homepage and you WILL see growth! Per playlists, why not ask fans to add you to their playlists? Also have each band member build a playlist on their personal Spotify featuring their favorite bands and your band. Post it. Spotify doesn’t know who is in your band and getting added to a few playlists will also help boost you in the algorithm.

I know there was a lot to digest here. I can go more in depth on it if you want. But this is just a basic primer. Again, pitch to Spotify for Artists early, reach out around the web to grow, and then be sure to help cultivate your presence on the platform. Once you do that you are sure to grow!

Matt Bacon (IG: mattbacon666) with Dropout Media is a consultant, A&R man, and journalist specializing in the world of heavy metal. You can read other articles in the series by clicking the "Bacon's Blog" hashtag below. Matt can also be heard on the Dumb & Dumbest podcast, which he co-hosts with Curtis Dewar of Dewar PR.

[yakumtsaki]

Alright you guys, sorry for the delay, I’ve had to restart this post 20 fucking times because my changes weren’t being saved in the draft and then I kept getting the ‘upload failed’ error. In case you don’t remember wtf is going on you might wanna re-read the last update (I certainly had to) which is apparently from JUNE 2018. Jfc I suck so hard. Now this was gonna be really long but tumblr wouldn’t post it so I’m breaking it up in 3 parts, part 2 to be posted tomorrow. For those that don’t feel like reading back, general recap of the last couple updates:

Jojo cheated on Wyatt with Max Flexor and my solution to that marital crisis was to adopt our first dog ever, a puppy hilariously named Maxx.

The puppy grew up to be an asshole and is constantly beating up the cats, who have turned into giant pussies (no pun intended) and are losing every fight to him despite the fact they’re named after Mortal Kombat characters. They’re a fucking disgrace to Alegra’s/Victor’s/Ronroneo’s memory and I haven’t settled on a cat heir yet because they both suck.

Jojo is perma miserable, I don’t even remember how much money away from his 100k LTW, and still not a werewolf despite my pathologically persistent attempts to make him friends with the wolf.

Fucking useless Wyatt didn’t get promoted while Komei was alive providing us with his 100 townie friends, we spent 20 updates befriending every rando that crossed our lot to secure his promotion, and then finally on the day he was supposed to become Captain Hero, Wyatt got, of course, fired and is now on track to take longer to complete his literal career based LTW than Komei took to get 6 pets on the top of their careers.

Absolutely everyone hates noogie addict Shajar, she got a Kylo Ren makeover, and we still don’t know what her sexual orientation is thanks to her ridiculous fitness/fatness turn ons and cleanliness turn off.

Golden child/10 nice points freakshow Cyneswith grew up, rolled romance with the most disturbing turn-ons/offs possible (grey hair/mechanical & charisma turn off) and the 20 simultaneous lovers LTW.

Wulf grew up into a kid, got an Amadeus makeover, is officially a Wyatt clone and the only member of this family I don’t completely hate yet.

Now I’d like to begin the first Union post in more than a year by requesting you do me a solid and lower your expectations for this thing as far down as humanly possible. Like really try to recreate the Jules Verne classic “Journey to the Center of the Earth” with your expectations here, because my brain is so fucking fried that there’s a 20% chance I randomly start citing sources at some point during this post. This grad school crap has seriously been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever. And speaking of bad trade deals, let’s get this update rolling with the man, the myth, the legend, the husband who managed to make Komei look like a dreamboat in comparison..

..Wyatt fucking Union, née Monif. It’s been a long time, but I’m not gonna lie to you Wyatt, not nearly long enough. Looking good man, just one small question, where the fuck are your eyebrows?

-You àccidéntally deléted thém, imbécilé, et I cannôt exprèss my irritatiόn prόperly becausé I hàve non eyebrôws!

Did your selective French accent get thicker this past year or is it just me?

-It géts thickér whén je suis distrésséd, givé moi mon eyebrôws bàcc!!!

No can do, brother. Actually can do, but I think the Mona Lisa look is working for you, and more importantly I still hate you, so I’m just gonna hardcore ignore you for the rest of this post if that’s ok. Talk to me when you finally get promoted, aka never the way this shit is going.

-Non! NON! MON EYEBROWS!

It’s been lovely catching up.

Jojό I mean Jojo, goddammit Wyatt, is spending most of his time building robots in the mausoleum (sweet hipster band name alert)..

..giving financial advice in Shajar’s room (inb4 what’s the difference between the mausoleum and Shajar’s room)..

..building evil snowmen alone in the middle of the night, like all mentally healthy middle aged men with 3 kids are wont to do..

..and getting the piss harassed out of him by the cat ghosts in the bathroom (sweet hipster band name alert #2). How is this like the fourth time this happens in the exact same spot, will you just stop autonomously cleaning the bathroom after midnight? It’s obviously where the cats hang out, give it the fuck up already.

-I’m actively TRYING TO DIE you absolute moron, what does a guy have to do to get killed around here?

Yea can’t say that I blame you but not happening, you can commit suicide by Ghost Alegra after the kids fuck off to college, ok? I promise.

-Oh like you promised me being heir was a route worth pursuing??

Um obviously you too need to go back and re-read your own life story, because I spent the entirety of our “““cherished””” time together telling you heirship is a shitty gig at generation 2. And then to top it off you went and married Wyatt to ensure maximum shittiness, so there you go, fucking enjoy. God I am so sick of both of you losers and we’re only 5 pics in. Let’s check in with your spawn, I’m sure they can’t possibly be more annoying than their parents-

-oh right, I forgot, this is the generation with 10/10/9 active points where the party never stops. Cyneswith are you somehow twerking to classical music?

-How else am I gonna attract all those hot senior citizens per my grey hair turn on and 20 lovers LTW?

Ok great yea I see how this is gonna go, you’re trying to entice people into voting you for heir based on how torturous playing this fucked up LTW is gonna be for me, well forget it, my readers are intellectuals and completely above such petty entertainment. (istg mofos, don’t even think about it, i already did Komei’s 5 pets career shit, i will burn this place to the ground if you saddle me with Cyneswith banging the elderly for 30 years)

-No need to worry your stupid little head, I will beat Cyneswith for HEIR just like I beat her HAIR up daily! HAHA!

Shajar no offense but you’re a fucking war crime of a sim, nearly everyone who’s ever met you hates you including your parents, and the fact that you’re the alternative here is really not helping my situation in any way. Also how the fuck are you gonna be heir when the only thing you seem to be attracted to is giving noogies, you’re like one week away from college and I still don’t even know if you’re str8 or gay or bi or w/e the fuck you are. You have Jojo’s personality combined with..

..yes exactly, DANIEL’S SOCIAL ABILITIES. I mean I was joking with the whole ‘Shajar’s the spawn of Satan’ thing, but this combo of traits was clearly drawn up in Hell’s boardroom.

ANYWAY. It’s a snowy Sunday morning, and anyone who has been a teen knows what that means:

Time to go clubbing! Man I remember being like 15, waking up on a freezing Sunday morning and my mom making me a cup of hot chocolate before I drove off to the club. Those were the days.

-Uh, Shaj, when did you learn how to drive?

-Don’t be stupid, Cyneswith, people don’t need to ‘learn’ how to drive.

-They absolutely do, actually.

-Well what can I tell you, the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

-Here we are, safe and sound! Celebratory noogie!

-YOU RAN OVER 9 PEOPLE

-How many times to I have to explain this to you, Apartment Life townies are not people.

Can’t argue with that logic. Let’s just go in and find out what Shajar’s sexual orientation is once and for all so I can spend the rest of this update aggressively promoting Wulf’s candidacy.

Now I consider ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ one of the dumbest sayings there is, but even I have to concede that this particular picture truly is worth a thousand words. Quick poll, what is more horrifying, Shajar’s literal Joker face or Cyneswith, whom I’ve never seen read a book ever, autonomously pulling one out in the middle of the dance floor, in what I can only assume is an attempt to attract old perverts with the schoolgirl routine?

And I know what some of you are thinking, you’re like ‘bro, you’re just reaching to make a bad joke bro, Cyneswith is just a sweet nice introvert and not like other girls, she doesn’t feel comfortable in the club’, well to that let me reply with another picture that is worth a thousand words:

Yea that’s right, on the first minute of our first time out WE RUN INTO THAT ONE ELDER TOWNIE THAT HAS WRINKLE MAKE UP ON. GODDAMMIT CYNESWITH

Do you guys remember how Jojo was obsessed with Stephen Tinker as a teen? Are you seeing the connection here?? Those kids have literally inherited the worst possible traits from both their parents turned up to 11, it’s fucking unreal.  

Right after I get over Wrinkle’s presence I turn around and what do I see, those 2, who have never had a non-noogie physical interaction, autonomously doing the family kiss thing. I didn’t even catch it on time because I was loling irl, we came out here so these assholes can find age-appropriate partners, and instead they’re kissing each other. Seems about right with this family, and clearly Striped Scarf’s dumb ass ships it.

-They look so much alike, it’s meant to be!

Yes, and they even share the same last name! Talk about written in the stars.

Thankfully Abhijeet is here to save us from incest by perving on Cyneswith. GTFO ABHIJEET. Anyone like ‘bro townies just autonomously come to greet your sims on community lots regardless of age, stop calling them perverts’, see you in about 5 pics down.  

I try to have Shajar chat up Striped Scarf and suffice it to say Shaj ~stole her heart~ and presumably put it on this stick to wave around.

NO. CYNESWITH NO. I’m seriously having déjà vu of all the times I was like ‘NO. JOJO NO’, jfc.

Shajar is unsurprisingly exhibiting no interest in socializing with anyone around her, instead she’s trying every activity this terribly lit place has to offer, and she looks demented while doing it:

I’m feeling a primal urge to photoshop Darth Vader’s melted helmet on the bowling ball here, someone please remind me to do it for the heir vote photoshoot.

-HA. SUCK IT DENISE JACQUET

That’s Denise Jacquet?! I can’t tell who anyone is for shit anymore. The default replacements are a scourge upon premade brands, I’m getting rid of them pronto. Speaking of scourges, where the hell is your sister?

-Who cares?

I wanna say ‘me’ but we both know that’s a lie.

Oh ok, THERE SHE IS.

-So you see Cyneswith, just because something is technically ‘illegal’, doesn’t mean it’s morally wrong-

Yea yea fascinating stuff, now get out of the hot tub or I will fucking neuter you, I don’t know if a eunuch mod already exists for medieval games but I will make one if it doesn’t.

Here, Cyneswith, drink some water, have a nice G-rated convo with your sister about violins and stop pissing me off. 

-First of all this is straight vodka.

Great.

-Secondly Shajar is talking about Mozart’s coprophilia.

-I sure am.

Amazing. Well, I guess it’s at times like these when you need to look inside your heart and truly ask yourself, what did you expect from Jojo’s children.

ABHIJEET ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DID YOU EVEN HEAR ME TALK ABOUT CASTRATION

-Ha, I went home and put on my most elderly-looking formal wear!

-I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave Ab <3

CYNESWITH SHUT UP. I can’t believe you people are actually making me miss Gunther’s teenage whoring, at least he kept it age appropriate.

-Is some random lady pressing her breasts against my head?

She most certainly is, Shajar, because it is now crystal clear that this bowling alley doubles as the site of annual perv townie convention and we walked right into it-

-and it’s also clear we have serious issues and are enjoying ourselves. Shaj I legit don’t know what to tell you, this is the first time you get along with someone right away and it just had to be the adult with the bad haircut and the flasher’s trench coat???

-You’re damn right it did.

Alright then, I’m officially going to nope out of this situation, safe in the knowledge you’re a noogiesexual and nothing will actually happen with this freak, so I’ll focus on Cyneswith instead who is much more of a loose canon. 

Here Cyn, talk to this guy, who I’m 90% sure is the same guy your father rejected in favor of stalking Stephen Tinker when he was your age.

-Ohhhh, he’s dreamy!

Omg really?? Halleluj-

-oh never mind, you were of course referring to adult ass Brandon Lillard. I do like that our townies have recurring roles each generation, we should make rejecting Blondie a rite of passage in this family. We should also officially gtfo because this is happening:

-Um, now that I’m looking at you in harsher lighting, it’s gonna be a no from me dawg. 

Oh, thank the fucking lord.

-Let’s celebrate the fact we didn’t get hopelessly obsessed with any adults here by doing the traditional Dance of Normality!

-We beat Dad’s genes, we beat Dad’s genes!

-We’re normal!

Yes, and we’re definitely showing it. Can we please leave now so I can make sure I’ve uninstalled Inteenminator and turn off free will? 

-Nop! Venue change!

-Got-out-of-the-car celebratory noogie!

-Made-it-to-the-door celebratory noogie!

Shajar you unironically have a noogie addiction, I’m not kidding in the slightest, you need to see a doctor.

Great, great, not another teen in sight and to top it off Denise followed us here to ensure maximum elder presence. I feel comfortable officially declaring this day a complete waste of time.

God, the vintage pink dress and the pink alcohol combo is some straight up current era Taylor Swift nonsense. That’s it, we’re outta here, back home where no one is lurking, waiting to strike at us-

-SOPHIE NOOOOOOOOOOOO💔💔💔💔💔

-The Lord is my shepherd.

NO HE ISN’T EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN’T HERD CATS PLEASE DON’T DIE

-Nop, I’m over it. Goodbye heathens, it’s been nice, hope you don’t find your paradise. 

UGH SOPHIE, my beloved Westboro lunatic, the last gangsta generation 1 cat we had.. I can’t believe you’re gone and all I’m left with is stupid Goro and D’vorah who can’t even beat up the fucking dog. This is truly painful.

Yes, pets, I agree, Kaylynn is completely to blame for Sophie dying of old age. The time has now come to decide on a cat heir-

-and since Goro ran away like a little bitch after Sophie’s death despite the fact he didn’t even like her, he’s automatically disqualified and will be going off to live on Melody and Daniel’s farm once returned to us. Congratulations to D’vorah I guess, on being the least terrible of two terrible options. 

On the topic of terrible heir options, Cyn has non-stop wants to go on dates and have her first kiss and all that crap, and since our Sunday morning clubbing was a bust we invite over the matchmaker.

-Hello there young Union, I see your house has been upgraded since I was last here.

Oh right we haven’t required your services since Daniel was a teen and we lived in a trailer, well we are flush with cash now!

-Hopefully your payment reflects that.

It will!! Just please give us someone good, I can’t deal with single teen Cyn for one more second.

-Oh my, what a beautiful BLANK PIECE OF PAPER.

WHAT!? NO THAT’S 5K IT’S JUST A SNOW GLITCH 

-What do I look like to you, a money thawing service?

Does such a service.. exist??

-It does not, so I have to go home and use a hairdryer on this!

Just come inside and we’ll give you non-frozen money!

-No, no, you’ll get what you paid for..

-Have a magical time!

...

.........

......................

Lakshmi this was so fucking evil that I almost want to age you down and see if you and Shajar hit it off. 

-As if, the whole neighborhood knows what you did to Komei.

Helped him achieve his insane 6-pets-career LTW?

-Turned him into a servant while your sim was lounging around all day!

Oh yea I did do that. But Wyatt was also a townie and he does literally nothing, Jojo is the servant now!

-Only because Wyatt is too fucking stupid to do things! Word has gotten out, no townie will ever marry in this family again unless they’re brain dead, so it’s Wyatts only for you from now on, sister!

Well this has been a complete fucking disaster. It was great seeing you again, Lakshmi, thanks for the dream date with the adult farting machine, 5k well-spent.

Pretty sure it was you bro, and yes, how about we don’t do that again.

Wyatt has brought over Amanda from work! (Aka Victoria’s only friend and subsequent lesbian lover, who is really pretty and is definitely getting married in at some point, preferably after the brown hair genes have been weakened so we can go back to being gingers.)  

-Wow Shajar, your grandmother, God rest her soul, mentioned you were her favorite and now I can see why! Loving the Kylo Ren look!

-Is someone being genuinely nice to me?! What is happening?

-Yes, please stop being nice to her, Amanda, we don’t want her getting used to it.

Jojo istg.

-Cyneswith dear, tell Amanda all about how much money your grandmother left you so she can stop being nice to Shajar. 

-Soooo much money, Miss Amanda!

-Ah, what a polite child I’ve single-handedly raised.

-Now, Cyneswith, you really need to get back on the dating scene so you have ample time to find the perfect spouse and continue our line, since you’re clearly the only one of my children that is remotely heir material. 

-Dad, Shajar and Wulf are right next to you.

-Oh they are? I’m wearing my special contact lenses that make those disappointments invisible to me, but even better, they need to hear this. Shajar is a noogiesexual and thus incapable of reproduction, and Wulf is not even a Union, I mean have you seen that kid? Wyatt reproduced by himself like the amoeba he is. Now, your grandmother-

-YOU MENTIONED ME 3 TIMES AND HERE I AM

OH FUCK VICTORIA, deleting the default replacements gave you base game hair!!!!

-That’s the part you’re scared by, not my Beetlejuicesque entrance?

There’s literally nothing scarier than your ghost sporting this haircut for all eternity, I’m re-downloading that default immediately. 

-Oh mom, so good to see you! Let me just hug my beloved child, Shijer-

-Shajar, dad.

-SHAJAR, let me hug Shajar, like I do all the time. 

-I’m glad to see you’re not picking favorites among your children like I did, the way I treated David-

-Daniel, mom.

-DANIEL, is the one thing I’ve truly been regretting in the afterlife. That and not skinning Marisa Bendett alive when I had the chance. 

-Well, as you can see by Shajar’s totally normal and not at all shocked reaction to my hug, I am a wonderful, fair, and emotionally available father. 

(Bruh this freaked me out so much when it happened, I mean I KNOW it’s an animation glitch but I was convinced my sims had become sentient for a good while after)

-Is your grandmother’s ghost still on the premises?

-Yup. 

-When will this nightmare end, paying attention to you is the worst. 

-Ok she’s gone.

-FINALLY. Now it’s back to the crypt for you, and don’t you dare go complain to her urn!

-Ah, Stephen, Stephen, my life is crap and I can’t even🎵

And with the knowledge you have composed a theme song for Stephen Tinker, part 1 of the Union comeback update is concluded. Will Shajar’s sexual orientation reveal itself? Will Cyneswith find true love? Will Jojo become a werewolf? Will Wulf continue to be the only dignified member of this family? Will D’vorah have kittens? Will Wyatt do literally anything worth mentioning? Tune in for parts 2 & 3 to find out, unfollow button on the upper right corner for those who need it.