Tumgik
#I keep on thinking of rewatching them but I get so lost thinking about doing it I never actually do it šŸ’€šŸ’€
swampybogg Ā· 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
104 notes Ā· View notes
britneyshakespeare Ā· 1 year
Text
let me tell you. i have read 21 out of 38 of the extant canonical plays of william shakespeare. the first one to make me close the book and think "well i wish that had been better" was henry v.
#i read it in under a week so i can't say it was a huge waste of time but like. dawg#do you guys remember how furiously i was blogging richard ii and henry iv parts 1 and 2 earlier this year???#i was OBSESSEDDDDD#i told myself i was gonna read other things in july and put off reading henry v until august bc i wanted smth to look forward to#and i wanted to sit and enjoy the henriad more slowly#it was such a dull ending to a tetralogy that had 3 beautiful and diverse plays preceeding it#it kinda ruins the whole series for me sdfsf#no. not the whole series but i dont think i can ever enjoy all 4 of this plays in sequence like i did the wars of the roses#which i was also blogging about in a frenzy when i read them several years ago and watched jane howell's productions last month#henry v is a skip#tales from diana#there have been other shakespeare plays that i ended and felt kinda nothing about but usually bc i had a hard time reading them#like let's say i slogged through them slowly#like king lear i read on and off for months. so i wasn't really in the rhythm of it#same w love's labor's lost#i want to rewatch those plays sometime soon bc i kinda have no memory of them#but i still enjoyed the poetry and characters of them while i WAS reading them#even if my own pace kinda didn't get me the most out of it#i consumed henry v comparatively. im not sure how many other shakespeare plays ive read in under a week tbh?#i try not to keep track of time bc reading a play is different than watching it. it feels like punishment for me to try and#make scruples about how much i should or shouldn't be reading at once. bc a play is meant to be consumed in a couple hours#so if i leave off at a weird spot. it's like well. just get back into it diana#there is no 'right' place to leave off really. shakespeare's plays didn't even have intermissions#but yeah. if anything im grateful i didn't take a punishingly long time reading it or else i'd be even unhappier abt it
4 notes Ā· View notes
dhmis-tinhatter Ā· 11 months
Text
elaborating on my ā€œjax isnā€™t an asshole he just acts like oneā€ post, i want to talk about a particular scene in the pilot. iā€™ve seen a lot of people call him a jerk for lying to kinger and gangle about kaufmo being okay, and then throwing the bowling ball at them to push them into the hole. i didnā€™t understand why he did these things at first, but after a few rewatches i think that jax was trying to protect them.
look at jaxā€™s reaction when he finds out that kaufmo has abstracted. heā€™s clearly scared and concerned.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
but he quickly covers up his worry and goes back to acting like he doesnā€™t care. itā€™s like heā€™s trying to keep up the appearance of being a jerk so that people donā€™t expect anything different. itā€™s a persona.
the next time we see him is when he finds kinger and gangle looking at the hole in the floor. they ask how kaufmo is doing, and jax says ā€œoh, heā€™s doing great. in fact, i donā€™t think iā€™ve ever seen him this happy before.ā€ this seems like a weird thing to lie about, especially since he knows kinger and gangle will find out what happened to kaufmo eventually, but i think that jax saw how worried they (especially gangle) were about kaufmo and didnā€™t want to stress them out more.
while kinger is expressing relief that kaufmo ā€œhasnā€™t completely lost his mind,ā€ there is a sound off in the distance that makes jax turn around. he looks worried because he knowā€™s itā€™s abstracted kaufmo.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
jax knows that they need to get out of there before kaufmo arrives, but the others donā€™t know what happened to kaufmo, so he has no way to explain to them why they need to leave. so, instead, he throws the bowling ball and knocks them into the hole before jumping in after them.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
iā€™m not entirely sure yet why he keeps up this persona of being a jerk, but it is clear to me that it is a persona. that paired with the fact that he breaks the fourth wall earlier in this episode makes me think that he may be more aware of whatā€™s going on than the other characters are. maybe he acts like he doesnā€™t care whatā€™s going on so that nobody suspects he actually knows more than heā€™s telling.
4K notes Ā· View notes
stillsurfacequietpond Ā· 7 months
Text
This is nothing new, but after my [redacted] rewatch, I just can't stop thinking about the two times they break up - the Bandstand and the Final Fifteen (I'm not counting the one in between in front of the bookstore, that really seems like a continuation of the first).
Tumblr media
Look at how long Crowley looks back at Aziraphale. He absolutely sees Aziraphale turning away, looking miserable, but he's mad, and they've had arguments before (although never this bad that we know of, before it seemed to be more about something - holy water - not about their relationship, at least not primarily), so Crowley keeps walking.
But what happens next? The bookshop is on fire and Aziraphale is GONE. And Crowley thinks that Aziraphale is discorporated, dead, nowhere to be found or sensed.
Tumblr media
So what does Crowley do when they argue again, and Aziraphale turns away with that (even more heartbreaking) look on his face again?
Tumblr media
It's Crowley's last try to get Aziraphale to understand (because neither of them can really use their words here, and to be fair, Crowley is not understanding what Aziraphale is trying to say either). But this time Crowley knowsĀ what it feels like to think he's lost Aziraphale forever.
996 notes Ā· View notes
silvers-not-home Ā· 2 months
Text
rewatching double life right now but through jimmys pov and just realized how violently ill rancher duo makes me /aff
like there's no way there's a duo THIS healthy in this series. the whole fucking point of the life series is betrayal and deception and blah blah blah all that jazz but rancher duo never did any of that. they always told eachother their plans, ideas, schemes, where they were going. and even if they didn't cough cough jimmy going into the deep dark cough cough he still came clean and told tango anyways. we have someone who's death is such a staple in the fandom/series that it's become a whole thing and someone who's death you go "oh yeahhh i forgot about that one, how'd he die again?"
they're both so ignored and the fact that they pay so much attention to eachother literally makes me sick to my stomach /hj /aff
like i don't know much about flower husbands but like. i know it probably wasn't.. the healthiest of any of the ships so take my words with a grain of sand here. jimmy was practically invisible to scott no hate love him to death but c!scott IS on my hit list and tango is just so blatantly ignored by the watchers and other members sometimes i literally forget he's there and when i do my autism shoots up like a firework.
jimmy is mocked in a /lh way but we're talking abt their c!versions so that might not be as lighthearted as you think c!jimmy sorry bud so much to the point no one takes him seriously and tango is so forgotten that no one takes him seriously. though they might not be taken seriously when they're together they're still known throughout the server. jimmy has what tango doesn't: patience and less impulsive thinking. and tango has what jimmy doesn't: rage and more tactical thinking.
while tango is going absolutely apeshit over the ranch burning down and everyone is basically taunting him, making him even more upset as if either of them need that jimmy is the one to hold tango back. he doesn't want him rushing in not because they share health and trying to keep himself safe desert duo im looking at you, you toxic bastards /aff but because he genuinely CARES about him. because when they go after scar and grian they want to be prepared and logical about their attacks. he'll still listen and follow through with tangos plan but not when they don't have one, he was so excited to bring the warden to grian and scar because he genuinely believed that they would get revenge the safe way (as safe as you can get anyways)
and when the plan backfired he didn't get mad or upset at tango. he helped him through it with the knowledge they could both die just by one small slip up but damnit if he's gonna take them out he's standing tall next to him.
they never got mad at eachother. not when the plans backfired or when jimmy died and lost all his stuff and had to travel across the whole server just to not get his stuff back or when jimmy went into the deep dark, putting them both in danger or when tango got them both killed in the FIRST EPISODE, activating his curse again (i know it wasn't technically jimmy that died but he still lost a life so i'm counting it anyways shut up)
because grian would've been pissed (talking about character versions still stick with me here) at scar if the roles were swapped, probably would've kept him at their base for the whole damn season actually. but jimmy listened to tango, obviously he was upset but never at tango. he just wanted to know what lead up to that and from that they made a plan.
the difference between team rancher and desert duo is when scars falling grian yells out for him, not because he cares about scars safety but because he cares about his safety.
meanwhile when tangos falling jimmy jumps after him while screaming his name, making sure that if he's going to die it's tangos name staining his tongue and without the selfish intent of keeping himself safe.
because when grain looks into scars eyes he only sees himself. meanwhile when jimmy looks into tangos eyes he sees tango looking back.
195 notes Ā· View notes
aleksiej Ā· 19 days
Text
does rottmnt donnie dislike touch?
i have rewatched all of rottmnt and am ending this debacle once and for all (at least for me lol)
based on the two seasons, the movie and the comics (tho the comics don't really bring anything to this conversation) i think i have the answer to one of the more controversial topics in this fandom
(no, it's not the yuichi vs usagi debate, usagi obviously wins that no sweat)
so, does donnie dislike touch?
in the series, he is shown being fairly touchy with his siblings throughout the series, with some exceptions i will try to list now, tho not with proper episode names as i am not looking them up, sorry not sorry:
pilot episode, captured by draxum in a cacoon with mikey he's visibly uncomfortable and tries to get away
mikey's solo mission, he doesn't look at any of the and in response to a hug he pats mikey's head with a metal arm from his battle shell.
glued together, he's showing visible discomfort at being forced into close (touching) proximity of his brothers, tho that discomfort is somewhat elevated when they do a second go-round after the sticky foam ball got crushed
that time splinter caught everyone in a trap hanging in the lair (i think it's the forest survival episode?), he's, again, uncomfortable and the first to find a solution to their entrapment, be it on his phone
there's probably more, but that's what i remember from the series and spread out on about 60 episodes it's noticeable, but not a deciding factor, especially since donnie's also seen being fine with touch. now, the movie offers us even more of a look into donnie's relationship with touch. this list will include every instance presented i can think of, in no particular order.
during leo and raph's fight after they lost the key, donnie jumps on raph's back in an attempt to stop him from advancing in the fight, as mikey tries to shield leo. it's a very quick decision and doesn't seem to particularly trouble donnie.
after the kraang come through the portal and the turtles escape-pod out, mikey's panicking and grabbing cj, also causing him distress. donnie grabs mikey under his arms like a plushie and is shown to carry him until leo gets back with a panic attack and news of raph, upon which leo starts at cj with a fight in mind and donnie and mikey keep him away. again, no distress is coming off of donnie, no more than the regular situation call for (although he gets more logic-minded and quiet as the movie goes on with only small donnie moments breaking it up, which seems to be how he reacts to stress, but that'll be in another fever post)
he's touching mikey sometimes during the subway battle, but it's most likely he either didn't notice or didn't care, considering everything else happening in that fight (ps the kraang train is my favorite villainous entity in the franchise, give me more of the kraang train and i will give you my soul)
he's shown very visibly having sensory issues (very relatable) throughout the whole movie because of the kraang. not necessarily to do with touch, oh except for the part when he had to get EATEN BY THE TECHNODROME THROUGH HIS BARELY TOUCHED AT ALL SOFT SHELL which is shown to be a sensory nightmare and awful to touch and yes, i had night terrors if that, thank you very much.
at the very end, they all hug with no visible problems except for the fact that they are on staten island. that is to say, there's one important scene still, it happens before the end, but i wanted to have space to gush about it so here we go.
the famous scene of raph grabbing donnie and mikey flying through the air, yelling "don't worry donnie, it's not a hug, it's a rescue". probably the most important thing said in accordance to donnie's relationship with touch.
in my personal opinion, donnie doesn't mask (i mean look at his behavior) or if he does, he does it, rarely in public and even rarer with just his brothers. so every one of the hamato clan knows at least the most important of donnie's boundaries, especially related to the autism, as it's handled well within their family structure (both donnie's and mikey's autism is) . so, if raph calls out to him to warn about the hug he's giving donnie and treats it like a potential bad thing, there are really only two conclusions we can get to.
one, donnie doesn't like/hates physical contact. disputed by just about everything else in the show, except for the listed above exceptions.
two, donnie being open to touch or not is conditional. and considering the mentioned exceptions and raph's rescue from the movie, there's one similarity we can notice between them.
the touch affecting donnie is happening without his consent and without a form of escape.
(except for when donnie's hugged by mikey in his solo mission episode, but considering he's already kind of detached, i'm assuming he's just not up to it and so he uses his robotic extra arms to give comfort instead of ignoring his little brother which aww)
that's the uncomfortable part, the unpredictability and lack of a way to detach himself. aka, donnie's just like me for real. lmao.
donnie probably doesn't mind touch and welcomes it, but needs to be in control of the process and be able to leave if he gets overwhelmed. and his family knows that, hence raph's words in the movie that led so many people astray...
this might just be another evidence of how well donnie is written as an autistic character, both with his low empathy not being demonized and not preventing him from creating bonds (tho sometimes making it difficult) and the fact that the most common opinion of autistic people (that they hate touch, which is something a psychiatrist brought up as evidence of me not being autistic) doesn't apply to everyone.
as a summary, rottmnt donnie is probably the best version of donnie right now and he doesn't hate touching, he just has to touch on his own terms. extremely valid, extremely relatable.
Tumblr media
167 notes Ā· View notes
bloodstained-ballgowns Ā· 2 months
Text
i just rewatched ā€˜the woman who fell to earthā€™ a couple of days ago for the first time since it aired back in 2018 and the more i think about it, the more i like it.
thirteen is the only doctor for whom i feel a tangible, rose-tinted nostalgia. she wasnā€™t my first doctor, but she was the first doctor i watched live, the first doctor that i spent an actual extended period of time with over the episode rollout. her intro episode has middling parts (as can be expected with most episodes of Who) but thereā€™s also so much good that i really want to highlight.
first of all, there are some really great character dynamics set up here. much more interesting than i remember, tbh. ryan is a guy who loves mechanics but is stuck in a warehouse job he hates, a guy who obviously wants to connect to people, a guy who by the end of the episode has lost both his mother and grandmother in the space of a couple of years and the step-grandfather he didnā€™t really want is all he has left (minus his absent father). thatā€™s interesting.
yaz has a keen sense of justice and this raw, intense yearning to help people, to do something worthwhile, something more - the way she has chosen to express that is through law enforcement, but itā€™s not quite giving her the satisfaction she wants. thatā€™s interesting.
grahamā€™s experience with cancer means that he constantly feels like heā€™s living on borrowed time. meeting grace gave him purpose, gave him family, gave him the will to fight when he fought it was all but over, but now grace is gone. he and ryan arenā€™t related, but theyā€™re family, and now theyā€™ve got to figure out how to care for each other without the very lynchpin that brought them together. once again with feeling: interesting!
ā€œiā€™m just a traveller. sometimes i see things that need fixing. i do what i can.ā€ i like that they circle back to the ā€˜just some guyā€™ portrayal of the doctor here, both because itā€™s the one iā€™m partial to and because it feeds particularly well into the whole ā€˜the doctor is an unreliable narratorā€™ aspect, especially in the wake of the increased deification in the moffat era. it's a nice set up, even if it gets completely overhauled circa series 12/13. in fact, having thirteen keep this as a persistent attitude throughout the Timeless Child of it all could have been really effective re: her reticence with her companions and refusal to address or deal with her past.
the scene where thirteen builds her sonic screwdriver might be one of my favourite sequences in nuwho. i love that itā€™s a hybrid of alien tech and sheffield steel. i also love that they highlight the ā€˜mad inventorā€™ side of the doctor here (her teleportation circuit is based around a microwave?) and wish that they had carried it forward more. it would have been the perfect basis for her to bond with ryan over. jodie also pulls off the humour of the episode well, considering the significant shift from moffat dialogue.
i enjoy thirteen's outfit: the vibrancy of it as mirroring her childish excitability, but also as another part of the mask - if i dress all colourful then maybe i can ignore/outrun/masquerade my great capacity for darkness! etc etc. the shopping trip with yaz and ryan is a bit shoe-horned in at the end but it's cute that she finds it in a charity shop. (back in 2018 i bought a t-shirt with a couple of stripes across the chest solely because it remotely resembled the one she wore lol. nerd from a young age, me.) jodie also looks soo hot in capaldi's outfit though so a spin on the traditional suit would also have been appreciated.
some miscellaneous points: i like that she tells Karl off (ā€œyou had no right to do thatā€) right after saving him. i like that she gets it wrong at first and makes it clear that sheā€™s working on the fly. sheā€™s following her instinct, and that instinct is to help people. doctor who has been beautiful before but the cinematography takes such a huge step this era. ā€œitā€™s been a long time since i bought womenā€™s clothesā€ i am choosing to believe this is about river thank you and good night.
Tumblr media
255 notes Ā· View notes
Text
The more I think about season 2, the more grateful I am.
In a lot of ways, OFMD's writers, cast, and crew were given an almost impossible task. S1 was brilliant and took everyone by surprise by how successful it became. I am still shocked every time I rewatch by how smart and efficient the writing is, how intelligent the social commentary. S1 is a masterclass in good television.
And for s2, expectations were incredibly high. OFMD found massive word-of-mouth success in a way I've never seen with any other show, and they suddenly had a big, incredibly passionate audience - the renewal was because of massive fan support, and that must have translated to an incredible amount of pressure in the writer's room. Plus, as if that wasn't enough on its own, they're having to deal with budget cuts and Max slashing them down to only 8 episodes to tell a 10-episode story. This is an incredibly daunting task.
And yeah, I've been critical. OFMD is my favorite show, no contest, and it's easy to be critical of the things we love. We can all see that the pacing was off this season, especially in those last two episodes. Some arcs felt rushed; some side characters didn't get enough screen time to set up what they're doing this season. Jim and Olu especially suffer for that. It's inexcusable that this show's budget was slashed the way it was and I'm sad for what we could have had.
But, on the whole? Holy shit, this season was incredibly successful! Despite an incredible amount of fan pressure, the writers told the story they wanted to tell. They never lost sight of Ed and Stede's story, and were smart about allocating screen time so our leads' arcs never suffered too much for it. There's so much creative problem solving - when they realized they'd need to be smart about which side characters to keep on screen, they turned Buttons into a bird in a way that underscored season themes of transformation and change. 10/10, no notes. They even remembered their audience and left us on a satisfying note for all our characters - we get to end with Ed and Stede, happy and together, starting their new life.
They had an impossible task and they did a fucking commendable job. Character beats and humor are balanced amazingly well. Ed and Stede feel so much more fleshed out this season. Just like in s1, OFMD will never be a show where you can catch everything with one watch - there's so many little jokes, hidden gags, small details to discover with every rewatch. And every single actor is giving it their all in every scene! You can tell how much this show was a labor of love for everyone involved.
I'm proper fucking impressed. Here's hoping they get a renewal and a better budget for season 3!
818 notes Ā· View notes
convolutings Ā· 9 months
Text
Look donā€™t get me wrong I love the PJO TV show. The cast is perfect and some moments that were added I absolutely loved. Butā€¦ there are some things I felt were so well done in the book there was no need to change it and Iā€™m a little disappointed by the adaptationā€™s version.
Some of these takes I saw from other people and it put into words what I was feeling so Iā€™m just expanding on what they said.
1. Gabe couldā€™ve been worse. We are supposed to get mean Smelly Gabe vibes and Sally isnā€™t supposed to feel comfortable standing up to him. I understand ā€œgirl bossā€ and disneys restrictions but it still wasnā€™t great. Iā€™m hoping they add something towards the end so his murder feels deserved.
Edit: upon a rewatch I take this back and believe Gabe was still abusive, if not physically as in the book, but as manipulative and demanding which is still abuse so I actually appreciate the changes they made now.
2. Sally felt off. Like they read her plot points but didnā€™t understand her character. She is wholesome and kind and devoted to Percy. The Sally we know never wouldā€™ve put that much pressure on Grover, plus him putting the pressure on himself is vital to his character. They also made her seemingly pine for Poseidon. They shouldnā€™t have changed the way she described her relationship with him and the choices she made to keep Percy safe. (I will say though that the Jesus joke was perfect and hilarious)
Edit: upon rewatch I still believe the wholesomeness was lost a little but I have come to like her character more and think these changes allow for greater depth into Sallyā€™s story which Iā€™m excited for.
3. We shouldā€™ve gotten Percy remembering the warm glow of Poseidon. I thought it was important that Poseidon broke the rules and came to see Percy when he was a baby and had that memory.
4. Percy thinking that Annabeth looked like a goddess when he first saw her was so cute and said a lot about how he viewed her. I think they shouldā€™ve kept it.
5. I think Luke being the one to guide Percy around the camp was a great choice, but Annabeth shouldā€™ve been part of welcoming scenes. And Grover shouldā€™ve been the one to tell the story of Thalia.
Edit: Episode 3ā€™s reveal of Groverā€™s story was genius I take this back!
6. The claiming in the book was perfect! There was no reason to change the dialogue or have the trident not be the way itā€™s originally described. And seeing the campers reactions/having them bow down was important. I was underwhelmed tbh.
7. Percy is SMART! He was the one to put together that Sally was alive and agree to the quest in order to get her back. There was no reason for Grover to be the one to do it.
Otherwise it was wonderful. I still love it immensely and the care into the heart of the show I feel is still there. I canā€™t wait for next week!
And yes, I know Rick wrote the episodes and was a part of every single choice that was made so if he wants to leave something out obviously he knows his story the best this is just my opinion.
479 notes Ā· View notes
fivelasanctum Ā· 18 days
Text
Everything is real
Tumblr media Tumblr media
S03 ep.07 and S04 ep.06 parallel: Been doing my rewatch of the series and noticed this gem inside Lila's psyche when she was talking to Allison being reminiscent of her yelling that her and five's life in the alternate timelines wasn't real. A blatant contradiction to what she mentioned here. "This isn't real Five! None of this is real!" -Lila S04 ep.05 Events when time travelling are real and still impact you, just can happen quickly and feel like a whirlwind. She also goes to mention to have something or someone to focus on to essentially keep you sane and grounded.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Five comes in right after they have this conversation, zooming in on him as he came to fetch them for the plan. Hmmmm...xD When Five and her get lost in the subway time travelling system, her focus point is her kids. Just as Lila became Five's purpose for surviving. To protect her and try to get her back home to them. Five also became her focus point. Just secondary to their shared goal. Being together, relying on the other for survival (initially), comfort and affection. Eventually falling for each other since they can sit down and have time to see how they are mirrors of each other in many ways. Lila has shown she has mental barriers both around her heart and mind. Self preservation. Much like Five with his own control over his emotions and keeping others at a distance from all his years alone and serving as an assassin. Lila has the same trauma... with being brought up by the handler and living in the same life. She lied about Stanley to Diego as a way to test him if he would be a good father because she was scared and didn't want to be rejected. Possibly lying about being with many people to make him jealous. Mind games that she probably was taught by the Handler.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
In the above images you can see that lila is a very human character with inexplicable flaws. Seeing herself far too broken to have a family and cowardly. She tends to go for the jugular to hurt when she has been harmed or upset emotionally. She goes into denial and tries to run away from her problems to a certain extent. Whereas Five has always cut to the quick with his brutal honesty. Telling her Diego loves her but also the cold truth of how her mother never did. Making her almost cry so she lashed out by diminishing his experience by calling Dolores out for what she actually was. Something to note from their argument in season 4 leading up to their return to their present timeline. He confronted her about what they shared in all those years and that the marriage was broken. Lila lies to herself sometimes and wanted to run away from having to think about anything outside of seeing her kids.
Tumblr media
I strongly feel she said those words to Five about it being all about survival and it not being real because she felt betrayed with his lies. Even though his words weren't wrong. She couldn't say anything to his reasoning for doing it. "You know why." Still - it's true to her character. When she saw the hurt on her lovers face...think that's when most of the anger faded from her. Replaced with a sense of powerlessness, sadness and resignment. Yearning to stay there in their happiness bubble (it was still their Anniversary when all this went down) but needing to have her kids back. She appeared as though she was ready to cry because in her heart she didn't want anything to change regarding the two of them. Just trying to push him away yet can't stand hurting him. Perhaps it's difficult for her to hold herself back from that defense mechanism.
Tumblr media
This is the look of someone eager to get back to her old married life with the kids right? Again, ready to cry with the situation weighing heavy on her heart. Think why she had tunnel vision to focus on just seeing her kids again was because she didn't want to ponder what happens next with her relationship with Five, talking to Diego...figuring everything out. Damn. This was suppose to be a short post but turned into a mini essay. In short...she was lying about what they have not being real. Just tried to push it away due to in the moment anger with the reveal.
142 notes Ā· View notes
wandamaximoffsbadgirl Ā· 6 months
Text
Healing Bonds
Yelena Belova x Fem!Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader(Past)
Summary: You find Yelena after Natasha, your ex-lover, has passed and you feel like it's your duty to keep Yelena close. What happens though when feelings rise up for the blonde Russian?
Word Count: 3.2K
Warnings: Lots of angst and hurt
A/N: So This idea had come to me after rewatching Endgame, Black Widow, and Hawkeye so here you go.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
The first time you met Yelena Belova wasn't until after her sister and your ex-lover, Natasha Romanoff, died. Natasha had always talked about Yelena and how much she loved her. You cried when you first laid eyes on Yelena. The two looked nothing alike, and you were thankful for that because you don't think you could look at her if she did.
When you told Yelena who you were to Natasha, she cried, wishing for a million different scenarios in which her sister was still here with them, and all you could do was hug Yelena, which earned you a handful of punches. You learned quickly that Yelena could be a very violent person when dealing with certain emotions. The first time it happened, you let it. You let her get her aggression out.
"It's not fair! You had so much time with her! You got to be happy with her! Me? I got a mission that almost got us killed after 20 years of silence!" She yelled, and you just held her tighter. "I'm sorry, Yelena," You whispered over and over and over.
In those moments, as her fists collided with your body, you could feel the pain in her words. It wasn't just about Natasha's death; it was about the years lost, the missions that tore them apart, and the void left by the silence between them. You understood Yelena's anger, even if it was directed at you. It wasnā€™t as if she could direct it at the person she wanted to.
As the punches subsided, she finally collapsed into your arms, exhausted from the emotional storm that had consumed her. You sat there in silence for a while, the weight of Natasha's absence hanging heavily between the two of you. The room felt colder, emptier, and you couldn't shake the guilt that gnawed at you.
"I wish she had more time with you too, Yelena," You said softly, your words barely audible. Yelena didn't respond, but her grip on you tightened, seeking solace in your shared grief.
In the aftermath of that turbulent encounter, the two of you began a journey of healing together. You were bound by the love you had both lost, and as the two of you navigated the tangled web of emotions, a new connection formed. A connection born out of pain, but one that held the promise of understanding and, perhaps, even redemption in the face of the losses you both endured in the wake of the Snap and beyond.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You ended up taking Yelena home with you, offering her a permanent place by your side. She continued going on missions, which you had expected. The first time she left without telling you, and there was no note. You thought you'd lost her forever, sitting on the back porch in the summer evening air, your Y/H/C hair whipping around you as silent tears fell.
You didn't hear her come in, not until she was next to you did you notice her presence. "Why are you crying?" Her accent, thick and familiar, filled your ears as you grabbed her, pulling her in tightly, close, your heart hammering in your chest. "I thought I'd lost you too... don't... don't fucking do that again, Yelena!" You yelled at her, your voice trembling as tears flowed freely.
Yelena's expression softened as she held you, understanding the fear that gripped you during her absence. "I had to go. It was a last-minute mission, and I didn't want to wake you," she explained, her words a mix of apology and reassurance.
"It doesn't matter. Just... just tell me next time, please," You pleaded, your grip on her not loosening. The relief of having her back overwhelmed the anger that had fueled your outburst.
Yelena nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "I promise. I'm sorry for making you worry," she said, her voice soothing. The two of you stayed there, entwined on the porch, the summer breeze carrying away the tension that had momentarily fractured your newfound connection.
From that day forward, Yelena kept her promise. She would leave for her missions, but not without a word or a note, ensuring that you wouldn't have to endure the heart-wrenching uncertainty of her absence again. In the quiet moments between her departures and returns, your bond deepened, and the scars of your shared losses began to heal, one mission at a time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You decided to form a company a little over a year after Natasha died, the weight of her absence still heavy in your heart. Standing at her grave, you whispered into the wind, "I'm going to start a company. I don't want to be an Avenger anymore. Not without you, but I can help others. I know I can." The breeze felt like Natasha's touch, a comforting caress that seemed to echo her approval.
"Yelena and I have been living together for six months now, Tasha. She's exactly as you described. A spitfire and a brat at times. I don't know if you can forgive me or not when I say this, but I could see myself with her. She's my type, a power bottom with a bratty side." You chuckled as the wind picked up. "Okay okay... I understand, only if she moves first," You whispered, as if seeking Natasha's consent in the elements around you.
Your company started up with few hiccups. You planned on making a business out of seeking out people with powers and talents that could be considered Avengers, teaming them up with a manager. Eventually, you aimed to expand to other countries, each with its own headquarters. The goal was to create a network of skilled individuals, ready to defend against threats on a global scale.
You envisioned a world where those of you left in America could stay here unless faced with a Thanos-level threat, something you fervently hoped would never happen again. The legacy of the Avengers would live on through this new venture, a tribute to Natasha and a commitment to protecting a world that had lost so much but still held the potential for hope and resilience.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You come home to find Yelena sitting on the couch with a pot of mac & cheese covered in hot sauce, using a too-big spoon. "Y/N! I made mac & cheese! Would you like some?" she asks, and youā€™re too exhausted to yell at her. You sit next to her, taking the spoon and eating some. "How was your day?" she inquires.
"Stressful, Lena. More and more people are learning about my company, and we're getting more and more applications," You reply, leaning your head back against the couch, closing your eyes. You hear her set the pot down on the coffee table before she curls up against your side. "Anything I can do?" she asks.
You remind yourself of the promise you made to Natasha. "Whatever you think sounds good. You've known me for over a year now, Lena. What is it that you think I want? What will make me feel better?" You don't open your eyes or look at her. youā€™re testing her, and she knows it.
You feel her shift off the couch, and you clench your fists. She's never going to make the first move as you fiddle with the band on your ring fingerā€”the one you haven't taken off since Natasha gave it to you.
Yelena returns with a blanket, draping it over both of you. "How about a movie night? We can just relax and take a break from all the chaos," she suggests, her voice soft. It's a simple gesture, but the warmth of her presence and the consideration behind her words start to ease the tension within you.
You nod, finally opening your eyes to meet hers. "Yeah, that sounds good, Lena," you admit, a small smile playing on your lips. Maybe in that moment, amidst the mac & cheese, the too-big spoon, and the movie night proposal, you found a way to let go, even if just for a little while.
Yelena picks the movie while you change into pajamas, a tank top and shorts. You notice her eyes on your body, but choose to ignore it for the time being as you make popcorn and pour us some vodka sprites. Carrying the drinks and popcorn over, Yelena has picked out John Wick. You canā€™t help but chuckle at the choice as you settle back into the couch. Yelena moves closer, fitting into you like a puzzle piece as she takes your left arm and wrap it around her shoulders. You simply smile at the gesture, sipping on your drink and eating popcorn as the movie plays out.
About halfway through the movie, you feel Yelena absent-mindedly playing with the band Natasha had given you. She's engrossed in the movie, and you watch her, finding her reactions more enthralling than the movie at this point. It's a subtle touch, her fingers tracing the contours of the ring on your finger, and you can't help but be drawn to the way she navigates the emotions tied to Natasha's memory.
As the scenes of John Wick unfold on the screen, you lean your head against Yelena's, savoring the comfort of the moment. Her actions speak louder than any words, and in the quiet intimacy of that movie night, you start to understand that healing doesn't always come from grand gestures or elaborate plans. Sometimes, it's found in the simplicity of sharing a movie, a drink, and the touch of someone who cares. And in those stolen glances and unspoken connections, you find a new layer of solace, a fragile bridge between the past and the potential for a future where happiness is not just a memory but a living, breathing reality.
You whisper in Yelena's ear, "Tasha gave me the ring." Yelena is pulled from the movie, looking down at your hand that she's been playing with. "It was a promise ring. She got it for me in Budapest. Saying when things settled down, she'd do the whole down on one knee, and we'd have this beautiful wedding where she'd wear a black dress instead of a white one. Everyone would be there, and we'd go back to Budapest for our honeymoon. When we'd come back, we'd ask for a safe house where we could just live quietly between missions..."
You don't realize youā€™re crying until Yelena is wiping the tears from your face. "I'm sorry... I didn't... I'm ruining movie night, aren't I?" You choke on your own sobs, but Yelena just pulls you against her, hugging you tightly. "No, you haven't ruined anything, Y/N. It's okay."
You hold onto her, shifting slightly until she's in your lap, once again feeling like a puzzle piece as we bury our faces into each other's necks. "If you had gotten married, I hope she would have come found me to be her maid of honor... though I don't know how good I'd be at that," Yelena admits.
In that vulnerable moment, amidst the shared pain and unspoken understanding, Yelena's admission brings a bittersweet smile to your face. The weight of Natasha's absence still lingers, but in Yelena's presence, you find a different kind of strengthā€”a strength born out of shared grief, compassion, and the subtle promise of moving forward, even if it's one tear-streaked movie night at a time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yelena wakes you up, gently calling your name and crawling onto your bed. "Y/N... Y/N..." She speaks softly, shaking your arm lightly. In your half-awake form, you turn to face her, pulling her into a tight embrace, her face against your chest. You can smell her shampoo, pomegranates, and make a noise of content. "Y/N, I have to go," Yelena whispers.
"No," You refuse, not letting her go. In fact, you hold her a little tighter. "Yes, I must. The widows need me," she insists.
"I really don't want you to go... I worry so much every time you go out that door. I know you're the world's greatest assassin, but so was Natasha before you," You confess. Yelena cups your cheeks. "I'll come back. I promise."
Natasha said those exact words too. You feel the tears in your eyes, spilling over before I have a chance to stop them. They're down your cheeks and running over her fingers. "I know words mean very little. I know Nat said similar words. I'm not leaving, though. I'll come back. It's just freeing more widows that have been found. That's all. It's safe. I promise. None of them come close to my skills."
Yelena wipes your tears and assures you that she'll come back. You know you have to let her go. "Please just come back safe, Lena. Please," You lean your forehead against hers. "I can't do this without you," You finally confess.
"I'll come back. I'll always come back. You can't get rid of me, not anymore. You're too deep into this," Yelena tells you, and you look at her, searching her face. "Lena..." Gods, you want to kiss her so badly just to show her how much you need her, but you promised Tasha...
Yelena leans in, kissing your cheek, almost reaching your lips. It's the first time she's ever kissed you in any way. "I'll be back. A few days, that's all," she reassures, placing another kiss on your cheek before she leaves. She looks at you one last time with a smile before heading out, leaving you there, curled up into a ball and crying. Now, you definitely couldnā€™t lose her.
The weight of her absence already looms large, and the brief touch of her lips on your cheek lingers like a promise in the air. As you try to gather yourself, the echoes of Yelena's words and the warmth of her fleeting kiss become the anchor in the storm of your fears. You know you must trust her, just as Natasha had asked you to trust her own choices.
In the solitude of your room, you cling to the hope that Yelena will return, that the few days she's away won't stretch into an eternity. The scent of pomegranates still lingers in the air, a reminder of her presence, and you find solace in the belief that your connection, however fragile, will endure the challenges that lie ahead.
"Please tell me you'll count that as the first move, Tasha?" You ask, directing your words to the air as you look at the ring on your finger. There's a moment of silent contemplation, a silent conversation with a memory.
Then, you get up and get dressed, facing the day with a mix of vulnerability and determination. The echoes of Yelena's departure still resonate in your mind, but as you glance at the ring, you find a subtle strength. The journey ahead may be uncertain, but in that quiet acknowledgment, you feel the weight of a promise made, a connection forged, and a future that holds the potential for healing and new beginnings.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Yelena kissed my cheek; she almost kissed my lips, actually," You run your fingers across your cheek and the corner of your lip. "She had to go on a mission, and she told me the same words you did before you left me forever. I broke down. I seem to do that quite a bit with her now." Youā€™re looking at Natasha's grave. It has been two years now since she left. "Tasha, I know we had our plans, and I will never forget them, but I want to move on... I need to, and in order to do that..." You pull the ring off your finger, twisting it between your fingers. "I need to give this back to you, darling." Youā€™re trying not to choke on your tears as they flow freely down your face. You wrap it up in a little cloth, a red one, and bury it just a little ways down. "Please be happy for me, darling. You know she'll always treat me right." You are full-blown crying as you kiss her gravestone and head back home, hoping Yelena is finally home.
As you walk away, the weight of the past feels a bit lighter, as if the act of returning the ring is a step towards embracing the future. The pain is still there, the memories still vivid, but in the tears and the quiet goodbye, there's a sense of release and a tentative hope for what lies ahead. You head back home, your heart heavy but with a flicker of anticipation, hoping Yelena's absence will soon be replaced by her comforting presence.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Yelena comes back home, she finds you crying on the floor. She picks you up into her arms and holds you as you sob. When you finally come to from your crying session and register that she's back, you cup her cheeks and slam your lips against hers a little rougher than you intend. You soften up a bit when you realize how rough you truly were.
"You're back..." you whisper against her lips.
"I told you I'd be back," she whispers back, grabbing the back of your neck and pulling you back in. The two of you kiss, hungry and passionate, as if she's been waiting all her life for this moment. In the embrace of her arms, the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future momentarily fade away. There's only the warmth of the present and the promise of a new chapter, where healing and love can coexist, a testament to the resilience of the heart after weathering the storms of loss.
"Yelena..." You pull back, leaning your forehead on hers.
"I've been waiting forever for that," Yelena admits.
"I know you were grieving, so I just wanted to be here for you, and I was never sure if I should act on my feelings," Yelena tells you, and you give her a soft, quick kiss this time.
"I talked with Tasha about it and promised I wouldn't make the first move," Yelena laughs. "When was this?" she questions.
"A year ago at her grave. You were on a mission, and I went to visit her just before starting up the Avengers company. I told her about how I was falling for you and to not hate me for it. The wind whipped around me, and so I promised I wouldn't make the first move. When you kissed my cheek before leaving, I took that as you making the first move. I visited Natasha yesterday and told her about it and gave back her ring. I left it with her so that I could move forward," You explain, feeling a mixture of vulnerability and relief.
Yelena brushes her thumbs against your tear-stained cheeks and listens to your words. "I promise I'll live up to your expectations. I'll do everything I can to do right by you, Y/F/N," she says, and you chuckle at the use of your full name.
"I know you will, and so does Natasha. I don't think I could be in better hands than yours, Lena," You say, feeling a sense of acceptance and hope for the future. The weight of grief begins to lift, replaced by the promise of a new chapter, and the knowledge that love, even after loss, has the power to mend and rebuild.
265 notes Ā· View notes
alpaca-clouds Ā· 1 year
Text
Understanding Princess Mononoke
Tumblr media
People on twitter have asked me to write this up, after speaking just a bit about it on the bird plattform.
So, recently I rewatched Princess Mononoke and talked about it with a friend, who is Japanese with a degree in Japanese history. And I think some of it was rather interesting.
Some of you might already know this. But others might not. So just endulge me for a moment.
Let me start with Ashitaka. The movie does mention that he is Emishi - but many people are not aware, what this means.
See, Japan had quite a lot of indigenous cultures (I will talk more about those tomorrow). Most might know the Ainu, as they are still around today. Fewer might know about the Ryukyuan people of Okinawa, who are also still around. But there are several indigenous people, who have once lived in Japan, but whose culture hence had become instinct. The Emishi are one of them. They lived in Northern Honshu and their culture disappeared around the 10th century.
The movie, of course, takes place in the late 14th century, which is why the monk notes, that he knows what Ashitaka is, but will keep it secret. The idea is that Ashtakas little village had stayed secret to avoid being destroyed. As such Ashitaka has a different relation to the nature and the nature spirits than the other characters of the movie, who are to engrossed in the mainly Buddhist culture.
Another thing that has to be addressed is Iron Town and Lady Eboshi's people. According to the official Japanese material to the movie, Lady Eboshi once was a prostitute herself, who happened to get power by getting taken to China. Which is why she is in possession of the Chinese gun technology. She then decided to use that to allow herself power - but not entirely out of selfish reasons. Because she, of course, takes in untouchables. Japan, to this day, has an untouchable caste. Which are people who work certain "dirty" jobs or sicknesses. Most of the women in Iron Town are prostitutes who Eboshi had bought free from their brothels. And she wants to have a town where those people can live good lives.
Because of this she has to hope for the support of the Emperor, as the Samurai lords in the surrounding areas do not want her there.
Which brings me to the finale and killing the god. Here is a thing that you have to understand of Japanese history. The original indigenous people of Japan believed in nature spirits, that at times were actually gods. Especially mountain gods. As Buddhism spread (again, something I will talk about more tomorrow) the upper class went out to kill the gods.
Old Japanese history will talk about people killing gods in the same way, as we talk about St. Patrick and the snakes of Ireland. As if it has really happened.
And that is something that Eboshi tries to do. It is killing the old god, but more than that: killing the old culture.
One of the central conflicts the movie shows is, that the nature spirits are loosing their self-awareness. That they revert to normal animals. Because the indigenous culture that revered the nature spirits is fading away.
Which then is, why Ashitaka, who comes from one of those indigenous cultures, is the main character of the movie. Because he still has this connection to the nature spirit, that the other people have lost.
Yes, the movie is very solarpunk in hindsight. But it also understands what it means to loose connection to nature.
And I find that really beautiful.
Tumblr media
881 notes Ā· View notes
fakebutilikeyou Ā· 1 month
Text
how the poem on Wilhelm's wall foreshadows all of Young Royals S3 bc my YR brianrot won't go away
Tumblr media
the poem is "The Shield-Maiden" by Karin Boye (the same author who wrote Crisis) and while we only see the first stanza, it's a lot longer. Here's the entire english translation.
Tumblr media
I do think itā€™s important that the only part of this poem that we see in the show is the first stanza. Itā€™s Willeā€™s perspective on what it means to have come out and be in a public relationship with Simon.
Heā€™s romanticizing being with him and the ā€œbattleā€ heā€™s fighting against the expectations of the crown. He sees his love with Simon as armor that will protect him and arm him against the battle with his role as Crown Prince.
Tumblr media
Simon is what makes him feel strong. For example, Wille wasnā€™t brave enough on his own to admit it was him in the video and it was only after Simon chose to be with him that he was strong enough to do so.
Tumblr media
Stanza 2 continues his romanticizing of the reality of being in an openly queer relationship. The ā€œgiants that fellā€ is the ideal prince that he was expected to be. The court and tradition tries to keep them apart but their love was strong and bright to him like lightning.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The darkness is the burden the monarchy is putting on everyone in the royal family. Wille believes that he can escape the threat of this darkness by relying more on Simon (bonus that he joined the choir so they literally did sing together).
Tumblr media Tumblr media
In Stanza 3 the POV switches to Simon. Where Wille dreamed of being public as something freeing, Simon had a taste of what the media would be like after the video and couldnā€™t dream of the same things as him. Instead of being ā€œarmored and strongā€ he dreams of ā€œblood and deathā€.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Wille can dream about their love being armor against all of these things heā€™s already dealt with but Simon wasnā€™t ready for battle. In S3 we watch the court and media tear him down, the mortal wound is Simon having to delete himself (i.e. his instagram, writing songs & singing).
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Stanza 4 starts with saying you didnā€™t even notice that I fell, you didnā€™t even notice that this battle is killing me. Even as we can all see that Simon is suffering, Wille canā€™t because heā€™s too distracted with the battle that heā€™s still fighting against his role.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
ā€œWith steady hand the shield you heldā€ Wille is still confident in their loveā€™s ability to project him and he continues using it to help him get through his birthday dinner. Heā€™s only brave enough to say all the things he does to his parents because Simon was by his side. (If you rewatch this scene you can notice Wille continually looking over at Simon for support.)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I see stanza 5 as the conclusion. The fire is Simonā€™s dream (or nightmare) and the dream of roses is Willeā€™s romanticizing of all of it. The third line is the death of their relationship/the end of the battle.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Wille has lost the battle but still won in a different way. He stops fighting to try and be the traditional crown prince he's expected to be. In the end this is what allows him to dream of Simon again.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk šŸ’€
105 notes Ā· View notes
fallenrocket Ā· 8 months
Text
When I rewatched "Rix Road," I couldn't stop wondering what folks in Ferrix must be thinking about Cassian now. This is especially true when, after breaking Bix out of the hotel and bringing her to the getaway ship, Cassian takes charge of everything. He makes sure everyone's accounted for and the ship is ready to go, directing Jezzi how out to get out safely and reassuring everyone. And keep in mind, this is just after he missed his mother's funeral because he knew that rescuing his friend had to take precedence over his own grief.
Because I keep thinking about the Cassian that most of these folks saw last, the one who went around asking for the favors, money, or alibis with the constant refrain of, "I really need this." The one who seemed kind of lost and was always getting into something or another, who worried Maarva when he stayed out all night. After all, the people of Ferrix haven't been following Cassian all season like we have. They don't know what he went through on Aldhani or Narkina 5.
So what the hell do they think of this steady, confident young man offering them direction and reassurance? Where do they think it came from? Did they know he had this in him, is he fulfilling the potential they always knew he was capable of? What do they think happened to him while he was away?
205 notes Ā· View notes
lover-of-mine Ā· 9 months
Text
Okay, I said I was gonna make a post about the way I believe Ryan is playing Eddie as in love with Buck because of the way he makes certain choices about Eddie regarding Buck that are similar to the ones he made about Eddie regarding Shannon, and this is it.
The whole thing started with the way Eddie looks away from things that make him experience intense feelings, but mostly when he doesn't like what he's feeling in a sense. He looks away from Shannon all of the time, when they're fighting, before she goes to the school, and in the firehouse, when she says she wants a divorce.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
He's avoiding his parents eyes when they are trying to take Christopher, he looks away from Frank all the time.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
He can't look Buck in the eye when Buck is trying to tell him that Chris got lost in the tsunami, he looks away from Ana because he knows he's hurting her (he does force himself to watch Shannon as she dies but I feel like that's a lot more about his loyalty/instinct to protect because that moment is fully about her because she's dying).
Tumblr media Tumblr media
That's a consistent trait Ryan gave Eddie, he looks away, I think it even makes sense with the way Eddie runs away from stuff. And that makes moments when he's avoiding eye contact with Buck that much more interesting.
Because take 3a for example, buddie has quite a few emotional conversations, but during those, Eddie is mostly always staring Buck down or actively trying to force Buck to look at him (except when it comes to the fight club but the fight club is a lot more about shame in my opinion).
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
But when you look at the will reveal for instance, Eddie is consistently forcing himself to look back at Buck. His instinct seems to be to keep looking forward, and he needs to remember to look at Buck from time to time. (I'm not gonna put the whole scene here, but go rewatch and pay attention to where Eddie is looking)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
And sure, the way Eddie simply refuses to look at anything relating to Buck's death can be seen as just "my best friend died" because any reasonable person would have an extreme reaction to watching their best friend die.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
But, I don't see how that applies in the cemetery. Because Buck says "she sees me" and Eddie gives him that disbelief look and then just, stops looking. Honestly, there's no reason for that conversation not to involve them looking at each other, the point that's made that they are looking straight ahead is very interesting on its own but, like, when you add the fact that Eddie looks away from shit he doesn't want to feel/wants to run away from, that conversation has a whole other fun layer.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Even more with the way that Buck is lowkey looking like a kid tugging on your sleeve to get your attention and Eddie just refuses to look at him.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
But my point really comes to the fact that these are all the same reaction.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
And how do you explain the decision to make Eddie react the same way he does when Shannon is asking him to make a decision about them and then when she makes the decision herself by asking for a divorce when he thinks Buck has made a decision about them so he needs to back off?
That's his breakup face, plain and simple.
And it's not a reaction Eddie has to Shannon once, is something that is consistent with the way we see Eddie reacting to Shannon, and I personally think its a lot of the way it makes us never feel sure about the relationship, because Eddie is consistently presented to us when it comes to this as "I love her but I'm not sure about having her around". And these are his reactions to moments where Shannon makes him question where they stand. Moments where he's questioning if he actually understands where their relationship is.
You can't have Eddie question the nature of his relationship with Buck just because Buck has a crush and tell me that Eddie is experiencing purely platonic feelings.
And these are acting choices, and Ryan is very consistent about the way Eddie reacts to stuff, so the fact that he is wearing his "Shannon is making me feel thing" face says something.
I also said earlier today that Eddie is aware of his feelings because he stops saying emotional things while looking at Buck. Like, after the tsunami he is literally chasing Buck's gaze to force him to look at him, he doesn't look away from him at the grocery store or when they make up after the lawsuit or even after Buck fights with his parents, but starting with the will reveal, he looks away when saying things, and it makes me wonder if there's a level of that that is about making sure Buck can't read his reaction to what he's saying, because he doesn't want Buck to look too closely.
Anyway, that's all for today, as always, if you read this I love you <3
290 notes Ā· View notes
quixtrix Ā· 10 months
Text
dolph was always meant to be doomed; something of an analysis
i'm on my third rewatch of captain laserhawk, and on this one i've been focusing more on the little details that you don't get on your first or even second time watching it. i've noticed little things, such as pey'j helping and then going on to shield a hybrid who's dressed similarly to jade in the third episode. but i've also noticed bigger things, such as alex and dolph.
keep in mind that this show is just filled to the brim with political messaging, it was purposefully designed that way. so when someone mentioned on here that alex was an accelerationist, it explained a lot. we don't know much about alex in terms of his backstory, we only know he helped dolph after dolph attempted to mug him and they ended up falling in love. it's also implied that alex and dolph have been repeatedly reported on the news as terrorists more than we've seen, with rayman referring to them as being the usual suspects when the kaiju attack happened, despite dolph literally not even being there when alex did that shit. they're known to do this shit, and we know alex is a charismatic guy. it's not too far fetched to say once or while dolph was falling in love with this gayass white saviour saint that alex talked him into this shit for alex's own purposes. because yes, he has a cause, but he's also a bit in over his head, maybe with power. he's aware of the power he has over dolph, how he actively uses the 'i love you' card multiple times when they're together and when they're not together. he just had a bit too much confidence in his hold over dolph, but to be fair, alex, you were topping some indulgent mob boss for your cause (because let's be honest of course your sources would be tight if they were being fucked for it) then continued fucking said mob boss and got caught with your dick out by your ex who you think you can get back with. alex uses people as tools, he just doesn't put his shit in the right places at the right times.
Tumblr media
i'm getting off track, but the point i'm getting to is that alex most definitely saw dolph, a man who clearly has some jacked up eden tech smacked onto his twink ass, at his lowest, and picked him up like a shiny new toy. he was always going to use dolph. but how come dolph is so easy to use? he's starved for kindness. he's the stray dog that comes up to you at restaurants to act all nonchalant because 95% of the time he gets neglected, but the second he gets offered scraps, he shows how hungry he is. we don't know much about his childhood, and what we do know is under the lenses of literal eden propaganda. we do however know how people get like underneath the hand of eden.
Tumblr media
everyone say thanks to rayman, who concidentally, is dolph's foil. both of them worked under eden as their lap dogs, one as a propagandist and the other as military, but dolph had gotten out of the hold the propaganda had on him while rayman's barely shaking it off. both of them are also portrayed as poor little tragic immigrants and the impoverished stand ins both in universe and story wise. they're the feel good picking yourself up american dream stories that people can feel inspired by or feel proud about the country with. dolph had a photo with a kid holding a doll of him. before he became ex military, he was definitely the guy they paraded around as a previous lost cause that eden helped. red, who's as political as his assigned colour, bitches about identity politics in that one off line for a reason. he also jus hates brown people fr he kicked me down a flight of stairs
now we can assume that dolph had picked himself up out of the propaganda machine somehow. he realised he was used and he didn't want that shit. he's attempting to get himself his own life, for fucks sake. he jus happened to get lead on by the wrong guy, which then lead him to get used by eden AGAIN. this time not only in a physical way via soldier work, but emotionally too, with sarah easily manipulating him with what? a sob story and helping him out, maybe being friendly with him along the way.
he wants a normal life. he wants a goddamn normal life. he jus continues to be selected as a tool.
you can see how fucking starved he is for kindness. you ever think about the fact that in his dream life, he sees jade and pey'j? he knew these people for less than a week, yet they get a place in his dream life. most notably, jade gets a speaking role in his dream life. the only other person who speaks, besides marcus, is alex, someone who had known him and shown kindness to him. jade has also shown kindness to dolph. she's the friendliest face there in the ghosts, being the first one to check on dolph when he wakes up, offers an explanation to him, and also makes an effort to include him in her little shenanigans with the video and all!! dolph was all emo alpha wolf and all, but despite his constant cold shoulder, she was kind!!
Tumblr media
there was someone who was more than kind though; bullfrog. because bullfrog actively looked out for dolph, despite his constant pushback against bullfrogs advice whenever they weren't separated. and in the end, it's bullfrogs kindness and compassion that hits dolph the deepest. dolph gets out of his depressive state to go back for bullfrog. he cares about people, he goes out of his way to do shit for the people who show him the slightest bit of kindness. he backed up sarah after one good conversation with her to marcus for fucks sake. dolph is just a guy who keeps getting used though. he's so loyal to anyone who looks his way that it's a fatal flaw that ends up with his head blown up. he's a shakespearean tragedy at the moment. i hope in the potential season 2 that he gets to have more moments where he gets to be his own person. not defined by an organisation or a person or a cause, but what he chooses to define himself by. he's on his way there. he jus deserves to be allowed to live for himself. after all, he has already met his end of that story. he can make a new one.
anyways if u reached the end of this im down to discuss this :D i also did get a few points from other people on here, but let me know what u think nd all
248 notes Ā· View notes