#I just... I often ignore it but sometimes you see one too many thumbnails and it makes you wish it would stop | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kriimhild · 7 months ago

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No problem, you can tag me anytime! Well... Yeah, I'm gonna chime in a bit on this too.

As Chill mentioned, this is one of the reasons why I quit. The thing is, I used to love creating content for it... for a while. I've been out of the big fandom for over a year now, but I still watched a few videos now and then because I appreciate and enjoy the guys' work. It's not their fault that part of the fandom is so immature and often disgusting. I still follow and love the moots' and friends' art, and I'll never change that because I support them.

So, here's the deal... I have to mention that my health condition isn't the best. I talked a bit more about it in one of the public Patreon posts. Since January, everything has been really tough. I was in such a panic about it that I could only eat one sandwich in six days. I'm still going to doctors, but while it was really tough, I just wanted to shut off my brain to distract myself. Since I've already watched every possible video from my favorite streamers, I started rewatching the TSBS. I still love it, and there are often times when I feel a huge urge to draw some scenes, sometimes even the nostalgic feeling of wanting to animate hits me, but then I remember how f*cking annoying it is that the tags are constantly being ignored under my posts.

You have no idea how many comments I got in my askbox after the HW2 video came out saying, 'Oh my god, you're back?' I didn't really know what to reply?! Their artist drew that thumbnail, and I love the thumbnails you guys make, if you see this! But here's the thing, I'm telling everyone, the thumbnail is not the same as my story what I made this drawing for. Okay?

god i love this thumbnail btw

And this is exactly what repels me from going back. The constant comparisons and the mistaken or intentionally misleading titles of my art.

The vast majority of people don't like to read when they're doomscrolling, and especially don't like to click a lot. So if I put a link under my post, if 5 out of 10 people click on it, that's a divine ratio, but that's not the norm.

As for the other thing, I still don't think I'm ready to talk about it. Someday, I'll gather my thoughts properly on it and tell you what the other huge reason was for quitting.

Chill's ramblings about the DCA fandom and personal feelings and issues towards TSAMS (both positive an negative):

(I'm writing this like an essay but treating it like a diary, so if I jump from subject to another, it is because I am just typing as the thoughts hit my head. Sorry for being so wordy.)

I simply feel like I need to write my thoughts down, so why not share them with you. Maybe you can validate my feelings or something, I don't know.

Intro:

So, oof, I got a fic rec from @thedenofravenpuff and I'm loving it so much I really wanna draw fan art for it...

But the problem is that it's a TSAMS fanfic and I've sworn to my name I'll never draw anything related to the show because that will make me engage with a part of the fandom I'm not comfortable with.

My biggest issue with TSAMS:

I have such complicated feelings towards the show and its fanbase and I do not wish to make my life and work more difficult because of it as it already is.

My own work and characters are already constantly being compared to TSAMS. When I first introduced Solar to my fic, he was constantly being referred to Eclipse from TSAMS. Now that the show had a character with THE SAME NAME, it has been even worse.

Dolldrop Moon has been compared to Lunar. Even though the dolldrops existed before the youtube channel was even created (and Lunar made his debut much later).

The biggest issue I've had has always been the fanbase, that takes the show as the canon for Sun and Moon from FNAF and uses it as an excuse to harass shippers like me because they think Sun and Moon are brothers.

I've first handedly seen the damage the fanbase has done to some of my friends who draw, or have previously drawn art for the show besides their own AUs and personal headcanons of Sun and Moon as lovers. I'm sorry to tag you, but @kriimhild and @fablekitty : I've seen how the immature side of the show's fans have treated you, I am so terribly sorry you've had to defend yourselves over and over again for things that were not meant to be mixed up.

I have posted some ideas of a possible Animutant Moon and Sun forming a polyamorous relationship with Solar in the future of "My Dear Daffodil" on my personal/adult Twitter account. Someone kept commenting on my posts that I was glorifying incest, because Sun and Moon were brothers and Solar was their cousin.

The post had "Animutant" in it. Not "TSAMS". These comments came from a person saying they were 19 in their profile. So it's not just kids who can't tell not every fanwork is about TSAMS. It's starting to be some adults too.

Vice versa I've had another person comment on my very clearly SFW Twitter how they're following me because I am an adult artist who draws TSAMS incest. I have never drawn TSAMS art. I ship Sun and Moon, but they're never related with family bond, because I love presenting them as lovers.

Why I ship Sun and Moon:

Because I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic love. Every single story I write is always about love.

The only exception to this is the Poppy Playtime comic I am doing. But even then, I was originally planning for a romantic love between Dogday and the Player. Yet, I decided to leave it, and keep the relationship open for any type of representation the reader themselves will prefer.

I used to watch The Sun and Moon Show when it first started airing. I loved their playthroughs. I had a big distaste for them calling each other brothers, as well as some of the first "lore" videos they had. My biggest issue at the time was how Moon treated Sun, though. As someone who grew up with an abusive sibling, it sometimes just hit a bit too hard at home.

But it got better after Eclipse and Lunar appeared. Moon was more caring, and I started to really like his character development. There was one episode where Sun explained to Lunar that he and Moon had simply just "decided" to be brothers, despite not having a canonical relationship.

This actually made me really happy. Because the Old Moon was aroace, the love he felt was simply never meant to be romantic, but platonic. And by making Sun his brother by choice clearly indicated that Sun was always the one he loved the most - in a way that was suitable for aromantic person like him.

And it really made me enjoy the show for a while. Sun is my favourite character, and despite not always liking the way the show presents him, I always feel so much love for him, no matter the AU he is in. So I loved that Moon loved him more than anything, even if it was just platonic. Because I've always been under the impression that the canon Moon loves Sun, and is only under a virus to protect him. For me, the best part of any Sun and Moon AU is to know that Sun is the most important thing to Moon.

Why I stopped watching TSAMS:

And then that Moon I had really started to like, who loved Sun more than anyone else but just platonically, died.

It hurt so much I simply stopped watching the show. I've watched a few episodes here and there after that, but I am having a hard time liking the show the same as I did before.

Partially it's because of the fanbase. Partially it's because I don't find the lore very interesting and some of the stuff a bit repetitive. Partially it's because I am scared to see Sun eventually crumble up into madness, because he has been through so much.

I like the New Moon. He is funny and nice, what I've seen. His relationship with Solar has been interesting, and I genuinely hoped they would've been able to take the romantic route after Moon said he wasn't sure if he was aroace anymore. But as I said, I've only watched a few episodes after the old Moon died, so I don't know either of their characters that much to form any strong opinions about them. I just listen to the Monty and Puppet podcast once in a while and get a little inside to some of the lore that has been happening.

But hey, at least there's fanfics. Which is why I am rambling here today.

Fanfics:

It is a rare treat to find Sun x Moon fanfics that aren't simply just porn, or do not include reader inserts. So since my romance-filled brain needed something to fill the void, I've started reading some TSAMS fics with romance (that wasn't between Sun & Moon) and plot in them.

I know Solar was settled to be a "cousin" to the weird family tree of TSAMS. But I simply crave for Solar and New Moon to be at least queerplatonic. Solar is not from their dimension, no matter how much they decide they're 'cousins' it doesn't make him their real cousin or relative because they're not from the same world.

Sun and Moon are brothers but they technically gave birth to Eclipse, who then created Lunar so Eclipse is technically Lunar's parent and then brother and Lunar is Sun and Moon's brother and... do you see what I'm trying to say?

The family tree is so complicated that I don't think I'm a horrible person for shipping Moon and Solar and reading fics about them. Tell me if I am wrong though.

The FIC that is making me question everything:

So Puffy recommended this fic by @theinfamousdoctorf , "Eclipse Meets His Match".

I'm currently on chapter 40, and I am genuinely surprised how much I am liking this fic so far. It got everything; redemption and character growth, the representation of Sun as the good, glowing angel he is in my mind (for canon, and every AU. He is always perfect in my eyes I love him can you tell lol), slow-burn romance, drama, excitment, plot, jokes and funny moments... even if there are a lot of mentions of sex and sexual pleasure, it doesn't feel out of the place as there is so much more to it too.

Eclipse's redemption to become better and realising he is in love with Sun has been so interesting to follow. Sun deserves the love. I love when Sun is getting loved. I literally ship him with every other animatronic in the games and love it when people ship him with their self-inserts and OCs. Because I love him so much I want him to be loved in every possible universe he is in.

Even bigger bonus to this fic is the second pairing, Solar and Moon, which I already opened up about above. I don't know how much the fic is truthful to the canon lore of the show, but I wish to pretend this fic is the canon now /hj.

I love the characters and how they're written. I love the descriptions of their flaws and hopes and dreams. How vulnerable they can get. How closely they stick together. And as an appreciation for making me tearful and excited about fanfiction in such a long time, I would hope to be able to gift the author some fan art for their fic.

But I've sworn to not draw anything for the show. For my own good. I've got too many awful comments already from the fans of the show despite never doing any art for it. I am just scared it will turn things worse.

End words:

I don't know if creating a new alias would be the right choice. So my main name/account would be spared from the confusion that the show's fans seem to stirr into, where one tsams artwork turns all of the artist' work into tsams.

I don't care if the art style would be recognisible. The artist would be me, but not PixelChills. Just so I could gift something to the author of this fic that is currently saving me from the boredom of being unable to write my own.

Thank you.

(This text has been typed on my phone, so pardon for any typos).

-Chill

#pixel talks #kriim talks #tsams mentioned #tsams #rambles

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bestiesenpai · 4 years ago

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youtuber Sukuna

I beg you to read the shitposts I made about this, they are delicious. You don’t have to of course but...if you loved me you would :) s/n = screen name, and I hope you chuckle at Sukunas screen name

Content warning: uhmhm lowkey incel shit(mean internet comments and whatnot)

part two --- part 3

Name: Sukuna. Age: 25. Height: 6 foot 5 inches. Occupation: toxic Youtuber, fitness trainer and hot guy.

Sukuna wasn’t exactly known for being kind. He wasn’t nice to others, rarely having anything good to say about anyone, and he’d made a successful Youtube career out of it. First starting as a fitness trainer at his gym, through encouragement from his clients and the notion of a quick cash grab, he started Youtube.

He didn’t care about it and that reflected in the quality of his videos and editing. He didn’t have consistent uploads, just filming and posting videos whenever he wanted, analytics be fucked. But somehow, that worked out for him, and he quickly found himself with over two million subscribers just frothing at the mouth for his next video.

And those subscribers were some of the worst people. Sukuna didn’t care about fostering a safe space online for others, not in the slightest. His comment sections were atrocious, both on his Youtube and his Instagram. It was full of toxic men one-upping each other constantly and dragging on each other for not being able to work out as much as Sukuna did.

Sukuna was a large part of why his fanbase were so toxic. He himself often made bad comments about others, whether fellow creators or people that happened to appear in the backgrounds of his videos, and on more than one occasion he’d been ‘cancelled’. None of that mattered though, all he cared about was shitting on other people and making money.

Sometimes he played video games and posted it, but not too often. Sukuna often stated he wasn’t so much of a fucking lonely loser that he’d play video games all the time, and so the gaming videos he did post were few and far between. He played angry shooter games and GTA, mindless button clicking he could get lost in for a few hours for a video.

Laying in bed one night after uploading his most recent video, one where he rages at 12 year olds on GTA online, Sukuna was just scrolling through his phone mindlessly. After he uploads video game content, like clockwork, he gets recommendations for gaming channels. He only watches a few of them, mostly leaving mean comments saying what losers they are, but one catches his eye.

He’s never been recommended this kind of video before. The thumbnail is light and bright with some pink aesthetic lights in the back. But the most enticing thing is the person in the middle, cute pink cat ear headphones on and a bright smile.

“Let’s see…” Sukuna mumbles to himself, mindlessly clicking the video. He hasn’t even read the title, he only clicked it because they were cute, and here he is nearly blinded by the bright setup they have.

“Hi everyone, it’s (Y/N) here and I’m really excited today! We’re going to be playing this new game I found!” Sukuna is immediately enraptured by the sound of your voice, watching how your face changes as you talk. His eyes drift off to the decor behind you, cute plushies and healthy plants, and some twinkling fairy lights. There’s books as well, and your chair is one of those ergonomic gamer chairs he has as well but in pink.

Sukuna watches the video dumbly, totally in the dark about whatever you’re doing, but loving it all the same. All he knows is that he likes the sound of your voice, and when you laugh and smile at a funny part in the game, it makes a light flush come to his cheeks.

It only takes one video for Sukuna to spiral into more of your content. He watches a video on your gaming setup, and he’s surprised that so much technology can come in pink. He watches a video on how you edit, a few of you cooking in your kitchen, and even a few vlog videos.

He quickly subscribes to your channel, and when you plug your social media, he immediately goes there. Pulling up your Instagram, he stares at your profile picture and almost audibly coos at you for being cute.

Your profile is just as cute as your videos are and Sukuna barely remembers to follow you before he’s going through your whole feed, liking every picture he sees. Sometimes he leaves comments, only one word though, ‘cute’. He’s never liked something so outright cute before, it wasn’t who he was and it definitely didn’t fit with his brand.

Falling asleep after following you on every platform, Sukuna wakes up thinking about you as well. And he also wakes up to hundreds of comments from all his accounts, bombarding him with questions and screenshots from last night.

‘SUKUNA WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THIS SHIT?!’

‘OMG Sukuna liked (Y/N)s posts!!’

‘Sukuna is so gross and toxic, you better stay away from (Y/N)!’

‘SUKUNA YOU GAY NOW’

‘EW why the fuck do you like this bitch?’

There were hundreds of comments that he waded through. Most were from his fans, expressing disgust at how many photos of yours he’d liked and wondering why he, Sukuna, most heterosexual alpha male on the planet, would like a pretty in pink Youtuber who had bubbly intros and whined when their animal crossing villagers wanted to move away.

Other comments were from your fans, some in awe that he would like you considering how much he said he hated overly cute things. Other fans expressed concern, worried what this might mean for their favorite Youtuber. Did Sukuna want to cause problems, potentially hurting you? He did have a reputation of bullying others, so this wasn’t far fetched.

Checking your Instagram, you didn’t make any comment about it. There wasn’t any update or anything, but on his end he was being tagged in endless Twitter threads with screenshots of him liking your posts and commenting under them.

“For fucks sake.” He grunted, clenching his phone in his hands. The amount of notifications he was getting were starting to upset him and he nearly threw his phone to get them to stop.

Ignoring his phone for the rest of the day, Sukuna went to the gym like he always did and trained with his clients. Some of them brought it up to him, asking him if he had a mind break last night and forgot what he was doing. Sending them harsh glares, Sukuna refused to talk about it.

“Oh my fucking god.” Sukuna nearly wailed when he got home, finally checking his phone. His name and yours had begun trending, and the hashtag #protect(Y/N) was also. Muttering angrily under his breath, Sukuna turned on Instagram live.

“Okay what the fuck!” He shouted, seeing the live become instantly flooded with people all screaming about you and him. “You’re all fucking annoying, you know that?” Glaring harshly at the camera, he read some of the comments that went by.

‘WHY’D YOU LIKE (Y/N)S POSTS FROM 2017’

‘Are you two secretly dating??’

‘COLLAB!’

“Who gives a shit why I liked their stuff, you’re a fucking weirdo for keeping track of me. And we aren’t secretly dating, dipshits.” Rolling his eyes, Sukuna scoffed as more comments came in begging for a collaboration. “And think about it you morons, why would we collab? Our shit is too fucking different, what would we even film about?”

Sukuna stayed on Instagram live for nearly an hour answering questions asking about you. Every time he had to answer that you weren’t secretly dating, he got a little more annoyed. Not at the comments themselves but at the fact that it was true; you didn’t even know he existed.

Ending the live in a huff, Sukuna didn’t feel any better than before, and it was made even worse by the fact that everything he said was being relayed to Twitter, and you were tagged in every tweet.

“These idiots!” Staring at his phone, Sukuna couldn’t believe what he was seeing. On your Instagram stories, you’d posted a q&a for your followers, and nearly all of the comments were about Sukuna.

“Hi everyone! No, me and Sukuna aren’t dating!” You said, laughing a little to ease how uncomfortable you were. “To be honest, I’ve never even heard of him before! As you know, my content is very...different from his, so our circles don’t exactly intersect. But I’m always happy to have new followers and potential friends!”

“Fuck me.” Sukuna groaned, cringing at how uncomfortable you looked having to address the sudden onslaught of questions. For once he wished he’d actually given a shit about his online presence, so that maybe one day your circles could intersect. He knew he scared you, he scared a lot of people, and this was just proof.

“Uh, Sukuna if you see this, hi it’s nice to meet you!” You said in the next slide, puffing out your cheeks and waving cutely at the camera. It made Sukuna blush, and he hated it. “Thank you for following me and liking my content! I was very surprised that you found me!”

“Of course I did, idiot, you’re fucking cute.” He muttered under his breath.

“I know a lot of people are asking for us to do a video together and I know our content is really different, so don’t feel pressured to respond or anything, but the offer is open! If you’d like, we can collab on something.”

“On what?” He asked like you were there.

“I cook sometimes, and I know you cook too! Maybe we can make a cooking video? You can teach me how to make healthy food or something!” Sukuna could tell a fake laugh when he heard one, and you definitely had one right now. “Anyways, thank you! Bye Sukuna!” But hearing you say his name cutely like that made him not care.

He nearly responded right away, accepting the collab offer now that you’d spoken about it, but he didn’t want to seem desperate. He watched through the rest of your Instagram stories, going back and replaying the parts where you talked about him over and over and his heart clenched every time when you said his name.

In the dead of night, Sukuna DM’s you after watching your latest video and leaving the simple comment ‘check your DM’s’.

“Fuck, what should I say?” He’s suddenly stumped as he looks at the keyboard. Typing and retyping a message, in the end all he can say is hi. He doesn’t expect a reply, ever, but when he gets a vibration on his phone two seconds later he jumps to read it.

(S/N): hi Sukuna! :)

(cursedgod): hey

Real fucking smart, repeating what he just said.

(S/N): is there something you wanted to talk to me about?

(S/N): I hope you haven’t been annoyed at all the notifications you’ve been getting!

(cursedgod): No it’s okay

(cursedgod): we can collab if you want

Good Sukuna, good. Play it cool, don’t let them know that your fingers are actually trembling because you’re nervous.

(S/N): do you want to?? I don’t want to pressure you! I know we’re pretty different haha

(cursedgod): yeah, let's do it. Cooking?

(S/N): sure!

Looking around his home, he was suddenly assaulted with the fact that he didn’t have any furniture. He barely had a proper bedroom, just a mattress on a bare frame and a dresser. His lounge room was the same with his computer setup in one corner and then nothing else. There was only a couch, a mounted TV and a fold out table and chairs for his dining room.

(cursedgod): I know a studio kitchen we can use, I’ll send you the address

Thank god he’d done promo work for a brand in a studio one day, otherwise he’d be fucked.

(S/N): awesome! I’m free next Saturday!

And just like that, it was a date. Well, a meeting. Sukuna knew it wasn’t a date, but his heart still thumped like it was one. Confirming the time, he ended the conversation with a curt goodbye and obsessed about it throughout the night.

When the day to meet you came, Sukuna nearly ran late trying to pick out his clothes. He’d never cared about looking good or presenting himself well in front of others, whatever version of him he turned up in was what they got. But for you, he wanted to try a little harder.

Waiting outside the studio space, Sukuna rubbed his hands together nervously. You’d messaged a day or two ago offering to put the video on your channel since it probably wouldn’t fit his aesthetic, so he didn’t have to bring his shitty camera equipment.

“S-sukuna?” Snapping his head up, Sukunas mouth fell open looking at your curious face a few feet away, an Uber driving off behind you. You were even cuter in person, just his fucking luck. How was he expected to act like a normal person when his recent obsession was here looking better than he could have imagined.

“Hi.” What comes out is a grunt, not the smooth word he’d hoped. He can see you eyeing him up, taking in all the thick and corded muscles of his body. It made his chest puff out a little, he worked hard for this physique and to have you so openly looking at him made him happy.

“It’s nice to meet you!” Sticking your hand out, you smiled politely at him.

“Same.” Shaking your hand with a firm grip, Sukuna could feel the difference in your palms. Yours was soft and nicely moisturized and he had callouses everywhere and a few cuts and scrapes.

Opening the door for you, Sukuna led you to the studio space he’d rented out. It was a clean and modern kitchen, not unlike his own, but it had appliances and looked actually lived in. Helping you set up a few camera angles, Sukuna felt a pang of nerves hit him in the stomach.

“Sukuna, can we take a picture together?” You asked before starting, and Sukunas brow furrowed deeply. Why would you want to take a picture with him? His expression must have scared you, because you quickly backtracked. “F-for promo for this video, on Instagram and stuff!”

“Sure.” God, did he feel bad or what. He shouldn’t have made that face at you, now you wouldn’t look him in the eye. Crouching down to get the right angle for you, Sukuna watched you pick a cute animal filter.

“Just do what I do.” Throwing up a peace sign, you cutely tilted your head from side to side and smiled. Sukuna tried to do the same but he looked awkward, and most of all he was blushing pretty bad.

You snapped a multitude of pictures, some at different angles and some with different filters, and in all of them Sukuna was blushing at least a little. He managed to smile more as it went on, even laughing at one of the filters.

“Thanks! I’m going to post these really quick and then we can get started!” Giving him a brief smile, you turned back to your phone and set about editing some of the pictures. Looking over your shoulder, Sukuna could see that he looked like a blushing high schooler meeting their idol for the first time and not a grown man.

Once the photos were posted and you tagged him in everything, it was time to start. Setting up your marks on the floor, you took a generous drink of water and cleared your throat.

“Are you ready for the intro? I’ll start it and introduce you, okay?” You’d actually prepared a script for yourself, and showed Sukuna as well.

“Okay.” Stepping in front of the camera, Sukuna bristled at feeling you so close to him. Your arm brushed his casually as you were fixing your shirt, and Sukuna was glad he’d worn his most expensive cologne for this.

“Hi everyone, welcome to today's video! As you know, I’m (Y/N), and today we have a special guest today!” Throwing your arms in the air, you motioned to Sukuna.

“Hi.” He nodded, barely cracking a smile. He could feel you looking at him like you wanted to say something, but he didn’t look.

“So, many people have been asking for us to do a collaboration and it’s finally here!” Clapping your hands lightly, you rocked on your heels and nudged his shoulder with yours. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?”

“Uh-” The playful nudge you’d given him was enough to make Sukuna short circuit. “I-I-” He suddenly couldn’t remember how to speak. “Rice?”

“Let’s try that again.” You laughed. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” This time, you didn’t nudge him with your shoulder.

“We’re gonna…” the words were on the tip of his tongue, they wanted to come out and be spoken but he couldn’t do it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Nodding reassuringly, you took a deep breath in and out, and Sukuna shakily copied. “One more try?” When he looked at you, Sukuna expected to see a hint of annoyance in your face, but there was none. You were just smiling softly at him, waiting for his answer.

“Yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll get it next time.” Stepping away from the camera, Sukuna took a drink of water and cleared his throat. Cracking the bones in his neck, he took a deep breath and came back. “Let’s do it.” No more fucking embarrassments.

“Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” You asked for the third time, slightly swaying your body side to side this time.

“We’re gonna make katsudon today.” Finally, the words he wanted to say came out.

“That’s right! As you can see, Sukuna is really fit!” You immediately hopped in, giving his arm a brief squeeze. “And he knows how to make a ton of healthy meals!”

“Mhmm.”

“So I asked if he could help teach me, and all of you at home, how to make it!” Smiling at the camera, you waited a few seconds before relaxing and turning it off. “Did you like that? We can refilm it if you want.”

“No, it’s okay.” Running a hand through his hair, he pointed to the bag of rice he’d brought. “Let’s get started on this shit.”

Taking fifteen minutes to film the two of you filling up the rice cooker, when it was over, you set about getting aesthetic shots of the other ingredients. Sukuna tried to seem casual off to the side on his phone, but he was really watching you.

Getting started on chopping the ingredients, Sukuna somehow managed to say the things he was supposed to without stuttering too badly. He was amazed that you could make the things he was doing sound so interesting, your narration as you held the camera and tried to do things yourself was impressive to the man that barely knew anything about cameras.

“Sukuna, I need help cutting the meat.” You whined, tapping the meat on the cutting board with a knife. “I don’t remember how you showed me.”

“Here.” Without thinking, Sukuan grabbed your hand with the knife in it and moved it for you. “You just have to move your wrist more, it’s not that hard.” Doing it a few times, when Sukuna felt your chest expand with air against his, that’s when he realized how close the two of you were. “S-sorry.” Immediately jumping back, he stared at the floor.

“Thanks!” Giving him a smile, you kept at it.

“I’ll fry the meat.” Stepping in as soon as you were done, Sukuna already had the hot oil ready. He was eager to cook and do something with his hands instead of - what he felt like - was awkwardly watching you off to the side.

“Okay!” Grabbing the camera, you focused on the pan. “You’re really good at this, Sukuna!”

“T-thanks.” Staring directly at the pan, Sukuna didn’t look away. Even with the hot oil popping up from the pan a few times and burning his fingers, he didn’t flinch at all.

“Ow!” But you did. Your hand had gotten too close, and when Sukuna flipped the meat, some of the oil had gotten on your hand.

“Shit.” Abandoning the pan, Sukuna was ready to drag you over to the sink for some cool water.

“I-it’s okay, it was only a little.” Shaking your stinging hand, you point to the food. “But I think the meat might burn.”

“Shit!”

Narrowly avoiding disaster with the meat, when it came time to cook the eggs, you made a joke about how you liked your eggs in the morning and Sukuna burnt them almost immediately. While not an overtly sexual comment, the implications of the words still affected him.

Somehow, he managed to make the dish come together and while his plated dish didn’t come out the best, yours looked at least halfway decent with overcooked meat and burnt eggs. The only things not messed up were the rice and vegetables, and even then Sukuna was surprised.

“We did it everyone, we made katsudon!” Holding up the bowls, you smiled big and nudged Sukunas shoulder again. “You saw we had a few mishaps along the way, but that’s okay, that’s what made it fun.”

“Yeah, it was fun.” Sukuna chuckled. Despite him being more nervous than he’d ever thought possible, he had fun cooking alongside you.

“Sukuna, will you try mine? I made it super pretty and everything.” Holding your dish up to him, Sukuna wasn’t expecting you to do that. Now he felt bad that his looked so ugly and like a teenaged boy made it; he almost said no.

Eating yours though, somehow it tasted better than he was expecting. It must have been how you prepared it, and the fact that you cared so much about the presentation. Eating it in silence, he let you eat in peace as well for a few minutes and compliment the food to the camera.

“Alright, that’s the end of the video!” Putting your bowl down, you turned to Sukuna. “I had so much fun today, thanks for filming this with me.” Now was his chance to make everything better. Putting his bowl down and bolstering himself with confidence, Sukuna threw his arm over your shoulder and pulled you close to him.

“Thank you (Y/N), I really did enjoy today. I hope we can film again soon!” He squeezed your shoulder and smiled really big at not only you but the camera as well. He knew he was blushing, he knew that even the tip of his nose was a nice rosy shade, but he didn’t care. If people teased him for it, then so be it. But he wanted you to know how he truly felt.

“R-really? You want to?” You asked, looking up at Sukuna from your place smooshed against his body.

“Really.”

“Aww, well you heard it here first everyone! Sukuna wants to shoot another video with me!” Clapping your hands a few times, you waved at the camera. “Okay, bye everyone!”

“Bye.” Sukuna waved too, waiting a few seconds before letting you go and turning off the camera.

“Sukuna, did you really mean it? You want to film another video with me?” You were in utter disbelief. All this time, he’d just seemed very standoffish, if not a little awkward around you. You were happy to film this video with him, he had way more followers than you and it would help boost both your channels, and to hear him say that just made it even better.

“Yeah, I was serious.” Sukuna spoke around stuffing his mouth with the food he still had left. He was more hungry than he thought, the nerves doing a good job of twisting his stomach during the video. Now that it’s over, he can finally relax.

“That makes me really happy.” Eating the rest of your food as well, you leant against the counter. “This is gonna sound kind of mean, but I was really scared to film with you today. I thought you were going to be really mean.”

“Shit, you did?” He grimaced, letting out a sigh. “Sorry I had you worried.” He could already imagine the comments you would get from his fans.

“It’s okay! You’re actually way nicer in person, I was surprised!”

“That’s good.”

“And you’re really buff, you have muscles in places I didn’t even know were possible!” You laughed bashfully at that comment, and avoided looking at him when he stared at you in shock. “I couldn’t help but notice…”

Were you checking him out? Had you been checking him out this whole time and he didn’t even realize? He had seen you eyeing him up when you first met, but were you looking at him like that at other times as well? Now he’d really have to watch your video to see if it was true.

“Thanks, it’s my job.” Could he have said that any lamer? “My job outside of all this, I mean. I’m a trainer at this fancy gym downtown.”

“Oh, I’ve seen some of your videos at your gym! I know which one you’re talking about.”

“You do? You’ve seen my videos?” If he wasn’t surprised before, he was now.

“Yeah, you know I had to do a little research beforehand.” You nodded, beginning to clean up the dishes around you. “And I know you’ve already watched almost all of my videos, so it only seemed fair.”

Did you have to bring that up? Now Sukuna was embarrassed again.

“Y-yeah, I did.” Clearing his throat, Sukuna helped gather the dishes. He took up washing them, another task he could do to get his mind off you. As you took down the camera equipment, he nearly broke several dishes and utensils from scrubbing too hard.

“I’ll call you an Uber.” He said when all was said and done and you were back at the front of the building.

“You don’t have to, it’s okay.”

“No, I want to.” Quickly calling you a ride, Sukuna fiddled with his phone a little more. “Uh, could I- could I-” His voice kept leaving him, and he had to cough a few times. “Can I get your number? I really liked your camera shit and I want to improve mine.” Okay, it wasn’t a total lie. He did like your setup and wanted to make his just as good, but he really wanted your number to potentially talk to you more about things outside of Youtube.

“Sure! Go ahead and type it in.” You were quick to give him your phone, a cute pink phone case on the back of it. Typing it in, he can’t help but notice the little devil emoji you add by his name. He wants to ask, but your ride is already pulling up.

“Bye!” Setting all your camera gear inside the car, you turn and wave goodbye.

“See ya.” Just as you’re about to close the car door, Sukuna gets a burst of confidence. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay!” And off you go. Sukuna watches the car drive off until he can’t see it anymore. He takes his time getting to his own place, eagerly awaiting your message with every step. But even when you do message him, all he can do is send a thumbs up back and nothing else.

It’s about two and a half days after that that you text him again, letting him know you’re done editing and that you’re going to post the video soon. It wasn’t a very long video to begin with, so the editing was simple enough. Sukuna replied with what appeared to be a lackluster ‘can’t wait’, but on the inside he was shaking. He’d already screenshot all the pictures the two of you took together and added them to a folder.

“Here we go.” As soon as the video went live, Sukuna watched it. He was mortified as soon as it started at the blush so evident on his cheeks, and how it stayed throughout the whole thing. He groaned at the part where he helped you cut up the meat, he almost wishes you’d cut it out. Every little detail that made him embarrassed was there, every little nuance of his actions you’d managed to capture and make it cute.

(Y/N): How do you like it??

You texted him after twenty minutes, eager to hear his thoughts.

(Sukuna): it’s good, good editing and stuff

(Y/N): yay! I’m going to read comments in a few hours, you should too! I bet people will be really shocked!

(Sukuna): yeah no doubt

Oh, he was definitely going to read the comments. Whereas you were going to wait for a fair few to come in before commenting, Sukuna frequently refreshed the page and read the new ones as they came in. You were right, a lot of people were surprised, but he also saw a lot of his fans as well.

‘Ew Sukuna really cooked for that bitch? They can’t do it themselves?’

‘Yeah, why do they have to rely on him? Useless as fuck lol’

‘Sukuna only did this to get laid, (Y/N) looks like an easy fuck’

All of those comments, and many more, made his blood boil. Usually, he wouldn’t care at all about the comments, letting them fester in his comment section and spiral out of control. But for you, it was different.

‘Fuck off and die you pieces of shit. Leave (Y/N) alone or say it to my fucking face’

Sukuna sent that message, along with a variety of other threats, to all the people that insulted you. He didn’t care that this wasn’t his channel and that you would deal with it in whatever way you wanted to. He needed to defend you against the unwanted audience he’d brought you.

Luckily, after seeing Sukunas messages, all of his fans backed off. They knew how serious he was about his threats and there were many rumors that he actually did go and beat people up who said things he didn’t like. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of his torment.

With Sukunas name attached to the video and his heavy presence in the comment section, the video easily went viral. It was easily the most viewed video on your channel, getting on the trending pages of several different platforms.

(Sukuna): hey

It’s nearly a week after the first video that Sukuna messages you, and the hype is still going strong, and your follower count grows greatly from it.

(Y/N): hi! What’s up?

(Sukuna): do you want to film a video for my channel now? We can play a game, I have a few

(Y/N): sure that sounds fun!

Oh how wrong you were. The game Sukuna chose was a scary game, a shooter game with scary zombies and a lot of possible jumpscares. He doesn’t tell you either, so on the night of filming - he insisted on it being nighttime to get the full scary effect - you were caught off guard.

“I don’t know about this.” You whined once you saw the title. The two of you were video calling alongside playing the game together, and Sukuna’s eyes flicked to your figure on the screen.

“It’ll be okay, I’ll carry you, don’t worry.” He had started filming as soon as he’d set up the game, and you were filming yourself as well for him.

“You promise it won’t be too scary?”

“If it’s too scary just close your eyes and I’ll protect you.” Smiling softly at you, he started up the game. The beginning was fine, just a quick introduction to the game, but as soon as things started to get moving, you were scared.

“Sukuna a zombie is eating me!” You screamed, frantically pushing buttons in an attempt to get it off.

“It’s okay!” He quickly got rid of it, and made sure to stay close to your character as the story progressed.

“(Y/N) stay by me, there’s about to be a whole lot of them.”

“Close your eyes there’s about to be a jump scare here.”

“Don’t worry about getting that item, I’ll grab it for you!”

Sukuna nearly forgot he was being filmed, saying sweet things to you to help encourage you and make sure you weren’t overwhelmed. There were many parts where you screamed in fright and Sukuna was there to coo at you and tell you it was okay. He made sure that your character never died, making sure to keep you close until the end of the game.

“Sukuna, that was so hard!” Squishing your cheeks in your hands, you looked at him through your phone.

“It was fun though, wasn’t it? I had fun with you.” Completely abandoning the game, he stared down at his phone with a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah, when there weren’t so many zombies.” You stuck your tongue out at him, and it made him laugh. Leaning his head into his hand, Sukuna grinned when you yawned.

“Aw, are you tired? Better go to sleep soon.” His voice dropped to a lower volume, like you were right next to him.

“I will.” You yawned again and it made Sukuna yawn as well.

“Get off the phone and go to bed, you’re making me tired too.”

“Fine.” Whining out the word, you waved sleepily. “Goodnight Sukuna, I’ll send you the video files in the morning, okay?”

“Night.” Waving back, Sukuna waited until you hung up to turn his stuff off as well.

In the morning, Sukuna was ready to edit. What usually took him a week to edit out of laziness, he took only a day to edit this video with you together. Rewatching the footage, he nearly gagged at seeing how soft his face got when he looked at you, and most of those parts were left in because he couldn’t stand to watch them and fix them.

(Sukuna): videos up

The next day, he messaged you. Once again Sukuna patrolled the comments, swiftly deleting any that said even a hint of a bad thing about you. There was less this time, what with Sukuna adding a warning at the beginning of the video threatening anyone that talked down at you.

This video, like the first, went viral. But for a much different reason. Since Sukuna was emotionally unable to deal with how sappy he was and edit those parts out, everyone got to see how soft he was for you. If the comments weren’t mean, they were screaming about how you and Sukuna must be dating now, because why else would he look at you and talk to you like that?

And much to Sukuna’s dismay, there were also fancam edits of you two together. Any clippable moment of him being sweet on you in the videos you’d made together along with the photos you’d posted on Instagram were edited together and posted on Twitter. You both were tagged in every single one, making sure Sukuna saw all the videos of you and him together. He saved all of them too, delighting in the way you looked with him with all those pretty filters.

By the end of the day, people were trying to put a ship name together for the two of you and he’s seen you repost a few fancams with cute messages of thanks as well. Seeing you receptive to the fans screaming about the two of you made him happy, even if he was still too nervous to text you about anything outside of Youtube.

As more comments came in, people on Twitter were begging him to do a vlog with you. You had quite a few on your channel, going to cafes or filming what your day or week was like. Sukuna had watched them all and was jealous of every single person that appeared alongside you.

(Y/N): hey I’m doing a live on Instagram if you want to join me! I know people really like us together lol it’ll be great for views

(Sukuna): sure

Did you want him to join now? He’d just gotten out of the shower and thrown on a pair of sweats, he wasn’t exactly decent. But he didn’t want to waste time getting ready only for you to end the live.

“Hi Sukuna!” You smiled and waved when he appeared on the screen.

“Hey.” He waved back, not caring about the angle he was holding the camera in. He saw hearts begin to fill up the screen and comments started to fly by, almost all in caps about the fact he was shirtless talking to you.

“Guys, don’t be weird! Who cares that Sukuna is shirtless?” You tried to stop them, but it was clear you were flustered as well. You weren’t looking at him, peeking at him through the screen a few times.

“God you’re all thirsty as fuck.” Sukuna finally looked at himself on the screen. He was shirtless and in bed, hair slightly damp and tousled on his pillow. Reading a few comments, he shot up. “Of course I’m wearing pants, you nasty fuck!” Storming out of bed, he stood in front of the only mirror in his house that wasn’t in the bathroom and turned the camera around. “See, look!”

“Oh.” Gasping softly, you were glad Sukuna didn’t notice you screenshot the live. Clad in only gray sweatpants, Sukuna’s freshly cleaned skin gleamed in the light of his bedroom and every single muscle and edge of his body was on display.

“There, told you I wasn’t fucking naked.” Rolling his eyes, he flopped back down on the bed. None of the comments had gotten any better, all of them talking about how hot he was and how you were so lucky to know him in real life.

“L-let's talk about something else.” You stammered, not showing your face on camera for a few minutes. Sukuna laughed at the comments teasing you for being embarrassed, agreeing with some of them under his breath.

“So, what the fuck are you all doing here?” Sukuna posed the question at the chat, but at you as well.

“Well before you came everyone was talking about you...and you know how everyone has been begging for us to vlog?” You started off slowly, peeking an eye at his face.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to call you to ask how you felt about that?” How he felt? Why did you want to know?

“You couldn’t have texted me that?” That wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to say, but it made you chuckle, so it was okay.

“No! I wanted to ask so everyone could know!”

“I don’t mind it.” If you wanted to vlog with him, he would do it in a heartbeat.

“So…” Worrying your lip, you looked off camera for a few seconds before looking directly at Sukuna. “Would you like to be in a vlog with me, at a cafe? It’s outside the city, kind of far, but we can rent a car or-”

“Yes.” Sukuna interrupted, nodding his head quickly. “I’ll come. We don’t have to rent a car, I’ll drive.”

“Really?” The comments were just as shocked as you were. Sukuna never filmed anywhere but his home and the gym, this would be a monumental occasion.

“Did you want me to say no?”

“No!” You screamed immediately, nearly dropping your phone. “I just- I wasn’t expecting you to say yes!”

“Well I did.” Sukuna bit his lip, running a hand through his hair and flexing his arm. “So I guess it’s a date, huh?” His normal asshole confidence was back now that you were appearing through a screen and not right next to him. A surprised sound came from the back of your throat, and you nearly dropped the phone again.

“Y-yeah! A date!” It felt good to have you flustered for once and not Sukuna. Laughing heartily at you, Sukuna smirked at the comments.

“Was that all you wanted to ask me or was there something more?”

“No, that was it!”

“Alright.” Licking his lip and letting his tongue hang out of his mouth a little, Sukuna watched you bite your lip as well. “Well I’m gonna go, I got stuff to do, but I’ll text you later (Y/N).” Dropping his voice as he said goodbye, Sukuna left the livestream.

“Holy fuck.” As soon as his phone was off, Sukuna let out a breath he’d been holding in. His heart was pounding hard despite how confident he was in his actions. Flirting was nothing new to him, but with you it felt different and like he’d never done it before in his life.

He watched the rest of your livestream while he finished getting ready for bed, laughing at the comments still teasing you about getting flustered with him. The notifications for Twitter were going off as well, and he knew for sure that there were new fancams for him to check out later.

(Y/N): Sukuna!! You’re so embarrassing!

Texting him after your stream, your cheeks were still burning at the memory.

(Sukuna): hey, you said it would be good for views and it was

(Y/N): I know…

(Y/N): did you really mean it, about coming with me?

(Sukuna): of course. If I didn’t want to I would have said no

(Y/N): that’s good lol!

There was a lull in conversation, and Sukuna nearly fell asleep waiting for you to either text him again or for him to figure out what to say next.

(Y/N): so, a date huh? Are you going to bring me flowers?

Now he was awake. He didn’t expect you to bring that up again, and his eyes flew open. Sukuna’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, mind going blank on what to say.

(Y/N): lol just kidding! I know you only said that for the stream! I’ll text you later about the details, I’m about to knock out

(Y/N): goodnight :)

Well shit. Now he definitely wanted it to be a date.

#jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen scenarios

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ilikekidsshows · 3 years ago

Note

One thing that pisses me off not just about the miraculous fandom but modern fandoms is fans inability to consume long overarching stories.

Like so many people are complaining about how long the reveal is taking or why haven't certain characters outgrown this trait yet or why is this character arc botched or abandoned. Like guys we just got the confirmation this show will be 7 seasons long PLUS like 3 tv specials. We're only roughly halfway through the series.

Once the reveal happens half the tension in the show is gone! I'm not saying leave the reveal till season 7 and make us wait 9 years this isn't HIMYM but miraculous is not a fast paced story. It's a long haul story. I just wish more fans would be patient. Miraculous is in the extremely fortunate and rare position that it will have a conclusive end and not be suddenly cancelled. That was and still is a huge problem for shows and cartoons with dedicated fans but networks pull the plug for stupid ass reasons.

So miraculous fans please chill the fuck out on things not resolving right away. We still have 78+ episodes plus the tv specials. If we get the end to certain things now it'll be so boring.

I think the concept of Instant Gratification describes the issue with many modern fandoms today. I hate to sound like I'm anti-technology, but the constant stream of quick and short bursts of entertainment allowed by the information age has made people more impatient. It's not about waiting for the climax to get a deeper sense of satisfaction, it's about getting that instant gratification right this instant. It's why one-shot fanfics are all over the place, when multi-chapter stories used to be just as common and popular, if not even more so, and it’s also why people are less willing to read a fic that’s still a work in progress. It's why people refuse to watch Youtube video essays even as they leave comments on the topic based on the title and thumbnail alone because, while they couldn't be assed to watch a 20-minute video (let alone an hour long one), they sure can spend that time calling the Youtuber names and making arguments the video actually already refutes. It's why a lot of online arguments happen only because one party read nothing but the first and maybe the last paragraph of someone's post and skipped all the explanation for their point of view (if I've ignored an counter argument for one of my posts, it was either because I missed it or because said counter argument did this. I have attention deficit issues so I do genuinely forget responses sometimes, but I'm also not writing a second essay for someone who's proven to me they won't read it).

Of course, it's only by constantly consuming only fast-paced content that you can become this impatient. People have different ideas about stories based on what stories they have encountered in the past.

Another thing that influences the Miraculous fandom in particular is that, while I love to show off exactly how much Miraculous has done to build up the overarching plotlines, Miraculous isn't really a show that's about a single story. It's easy to understand why people think it is one though: there's one main villain, we keep discovering more about the mythology, one of the main plot threads is the romantic relationship between the leads and singular episodes and plot elements tend to get payoff later. What is the purpose of a show if not to progress the story? Because the heroes aren't getting closer to defeating Gabriel or getting together, people think that the story isn't accomplishing anything.

I'll do a comparison to illustrate why these things aren't as clear-cut signs of a continuous storyline as people think. In the Spider-Man comics, you can pick any issue up and the chances are that the villain will be a part of Spider-Man's already established Rogues Gallery, who's back for more after who knows how many defeats, and those past defeats might even get referenced in callbacks to previous issues. It's also very possible that Peter and Mary Jane's relationship is the central focus with them not being together yet, having relationship problems or even having broken up (in really old issues the girl might be Gwen Stacy and short-term options have also always been available for romantic entanglements). Does this mean Spider-Man is a continuous story where the only point is that all the villains get put away for good and Peter and MJ live happily ever after? No, it doesn't. Spider-Man is designed to go on indefinitely, so there's no clear ending point. So, what is the point of Spider-Man then, if there is no Ending?

It used to be the single issue, because comic books used to have every issue be a stand-alone story about the hero and their supportive cast. These days it's more every three-to-six issues, because superhero comics are written to have short story arcs that can then be collected into trade paperbacks. A superhero series is not a single story; it's a series that functions as a story engine, meaning the series can generate several shorter stories where the hero helps fix a problem or solve a mystery.

In the superhero genre a villain will never get killed off or removed from stories permanently as long as the writers think they can still come up with stories to tell about them. The hero's romantic life will never be completely smooth sailing unless the writer is using other things to ramp up the stakes. Everything always allows for there to be another adventure.

I think the huge success of Avatar: the Last Airbender made people think that a series that is a single story is always superior to a series with multiple shorter plots. When I was liveblogging Sailor Moon, a viewer offered to give me a list of all the non-filler episodes because they genuinely thought I'd feel like I was wasting time on the show otherwise. This attitude is simply not based on fact. It's not fair to compare Miraculous Ladybug to Avatar, because they're both setting up to do completely different things. Miraculous Ladybug is trying to become a brand, like Batman or Spider-Man. It is part of the "Zag Heroes" lineup, a series of French-created superhero franchises to compete in the America-centric superhero market. This challenge is good for the genre, because Marvel and DC have started resembling each other more and more as these companies stew in their old ideas and copy everything that worked for the other one. The superhero genre needs new blood.

Also, Avatar: the Last Airbender first became popular by doing episodic plots for almost the entirety of the first season because it's actually not a wise choice to expect the audience to be willing to commit to a story that'll only give payoff later when working with an untested IP. Very often shows with longer story arcs start with the episodic format to hook people first, and sometimes the more linear plot is introduced specifically because the audience for the show is now expected to be both dedicated enough and older and capable of keeping up. Because, here's the thing: you can't expect little kids to remember every episode or even every character you've introduced in your show. I'm not sure if people are ready to hear that but I'm throwing it out there anyway. Kids are not dumb, they can understand more complex storylines, but many kids are still training their memory, so they might not remember the details of complex storylines that go on for too long.

This is why the news that Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season was going to have a recommended viewing order originally had me concerned. Miraculous is being branded for kids. The plot requiring too much skill in memorizing story details will make it less accessible to kids and might put those two additional seasons at risk. However, it seems that the "constantly changing status quo" concept of Truth, Lies and Gang of Secrets was a fluke and the evolution of the show is more subtle, so they might not be cutting the amount of episodes for those final seasons because the show is getting too complicated for kids to follow all the important details.

Regardless, Miraculous Ladybug being an adventure cartoon TV show instead of a comic book or a more cheaper-to-produce TV drama does mean that Miraculous Ladybug isn’t expected to go on for decades like a superhero comic or a soap opera. Because of this, it can have evolution and changes and even a planned ending. The show is expected to end at some point, even by the people making money off of it, mostly because making a cartoon like this indefinitely costs a lot of money, and kids’ adventure shows tend to see a decrease in returns if they go on for too long.

#media and fandom response #ml fandom salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir

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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 4 years ago

Note

In these apparently trying times of "lack of content" I was wondering if we could get a glimpse behind the tablet and see how you write! Could you talk about your process and how you keep track of things and parse out your story? Do you storyboard or write rigorous notes? Is it all in your head? I am super curious about your system.

Oh yikes I’m about to disappoint a lot of people.

Okay, here’s the thing - I cannot physically keep notes because I get distracted and forget to write things down. I’ve tried keeping notebooks for WD!Steven stuff and I have come to accept that it’s only for show. I barely use it. I cannot use my memory on the effort of writing notes - I’d much rather use that energy to remember things in my head.

I brute-force everything through my mind palace. My mind... house... mindshack.

My process is simple:

Step 1) THINK

I constantly get asks that I feel might be good for the comics. I’ve made posts on this before but the main way I decide if I’ll use an ask is:

Is the ask addressed explicitly to Steven (or another character?)

Is the ask not giving away any fourth-wall-breaking information?

Is the ask actually ASKING Steven an open-ended question or TELLING Steven to do something?

If the ask is too vague (”so what do u like”) or gives away too much (“Steven don’t u think ur actually half-human? If Rose had a baby it would be half gem half human. Wouldn’t that be the same as u? You should ask Rose about a gem named Spinel I bet she would freak out!!!!!”) or if the ask is just pushing for Steven to do something instead of asking (”go to the moon base!”) then I almost always ignore it.

Step 2) Storyboard!

After choosing a question, I’ll sit and… stare at my desk/the wall/twitter without seeing it and instead storyboard the entire comic in my head. Sometimes this happens in a matter of minutes. Sometimes I’ll work it over in my mind’s eye for days before I like it. This includes the dialogue.

Yes, I do this while driving. I have an hour drive to work. No, I have never been in an accident. My autopilot works really well. I guess. Probably. I often have no memory of the actual drive itself but the comic gets written.

Step 3) Sketch!

Afterwards I go into my drawing program (MediBang Paint) and sketch out each individual panel on a layer. Sometimes the sketches are detailed. Sometimes they are just sloppy action lines to remind me what I’m going for.

I script in my head WHILE I’m drawing the sketches. I try out different lines as I go through each panel and see what fits the most. This sketching process takes about 3-5 minutes per panel.

Step 4) Lineart!

After I’ve sketched at least 50% of the comic, I go back in and start doing lineart. I will do this mindlessly - it is only at this point that I allow myself to listen to a podcast, or music, or have a YouTube video running while I draw. (I cannot sketch/storyboard/script with any sort of noise on. Has to be dead silent.)

The initial lineart process takes about 10 minutes per panel if the panel is simple like the one above. If I go through the process of adding necessary details, patterns, or have to create phone background detail, or draw a background in general, then it will obviously take longer.

If I do color comics, it takes 3 times as long which is why I hate coloring.

For the Lapis arc I also added tones. It was not as annoying as coloring, but it still took me twice as long as an average panel because there was so much layering to be done between the water/lapis’ wings/backgrounds. It was not fun.

Step 5) Dialogue

After I finish the lines for ALL the panels, or at least 50%, I start going back in and finally adding dialogue and details. I do the dialogue all at once because it allows me to view the flow more naturally. I end up reading and re-reading the panels several times to make sure there are no repeating words and that it flows more or less like a normal conversation would.

This takes about… eh… an hour or so for an average 20-panel comic?

The bulk of my editing is done at this stage. I will go back through and re-read the finished comic several times and try to weed out weird details or typos.

If I find none, I post it to Patreon, because it’s a guarantee that I will find 3 more immediately afterwards. That’s how posting art to social media works. Also, many of my Patreon patrons are usually kind enough to point out any typos I’ve missed. (MediBang doesn’t have a spellcheck so don’t judge me too harshly…)

And that’s….. it. I post to Patreon, make any last-minute fixes if I have to, and then queue everything to tapas and tumblr.

And then I immediately begin to worry about the next comic. Because… that’s how it works.

I understand it’s not exactly a professional process. That’s because I’m not a professional! I’m self-taught, and this comic is meant to be for fun, not for profit. If I make a Season-finale comic or a season-start comic, I typically go through the same steps, except I add thumbnailing to the mix (drawing tiny copies of the pages on post-it notes to see how many pages I can fix it to.)

Hope that was… educational? I don’t know. Either way…

#Anonymous #chekhov answers #process #how to #faq

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writeofmind · 4 years ago

Text

a quick lesson

Genre: smut

Pairing: Rosé x Reader

Type: scenario

Never in your life did you expect to be the one giving Rosé a private lesson.

A/N: Rosé is my bias wrecker, if you can’t tell. and i wrote this on a whim, very randomly lol. a lisa smut and many others will be up next. enjoy!

You tapped away at your laptop, textbook in your lap, sitting on a single bed in Rosé’s room. You had just wrapped up a concert and finally found time to finish some of your homework, all while being able to hang out with Rosé afterwards. Through the entirety of the night, despite being half focused on homework and still laughing and joking with the other girl, you felt her eyes fixated on you more often than not. Her eyes were narrow as she rested on her wrist.

You continuously glanced over and still caught her staring every time.

“Hey. You okay?” You chuckled. You leaned forward now and looked up to the older girl. Rosé smiled back softly and nodded.

“Yeah. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

Rosé let her eyes wander around your face. You always felt a little insecure when Rosé did this, being under her gaze made you feel so little.

She blinked her eyes now. “About you,” she said, very matter-of-factly.

You pulled back and tilted your head. “Of me?” A smile crossed your face, “How come?”

“Because you work so hard. You’re always doing your schoolwork when you have free time,” Rosé shrugged and hoped that she was carrying this conversation well.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” You quickly began to push your things to the side, “I don’t mean to ignore you or anything!”

“No, no no no!” Rosé began to laugh. She stopped you from closing your laptop and shook her head again. “Not like that. I meant, like, you are always doing your homework but it’s like you barely rest. Plus you’re always with us. Aren’t you tired?”

You looked at Rosé for a bit. Now was your turn to laugh, waving your hand dismissively. “It’s just normal. Not really a big deal.”

Rosé’s eyebrows furrowed. “Do you ever get time to yourself though? To do things you want?”

Your expression turned soft. You couldn’t help but stare at Rosé for a few moments as you tried to gather your thoughts, to the point where Rosé had to turn her eyes to the floor for a moment. It was quiet, until a sigh escaped your lips.

“I mean, I get to tour with you and the girls. And I get to be with you when you’re not being a big shot celebrity,” Rosé looked up to see that your smile grew wider, your eyes turning to crescents. “I am doing what I want.”

A small flush of pink took over Rosé’s cheeks. She smiled and shook her head, presumably at the amount of cheesiness that you were able to exude sometimes.

“That’s cute.” Rosé rolled her eyes again.

The bed creaked as you leaned back to rest on your arms. “Thank you, thank you. I do try my hardest.” Your eyes closed and a smug smile came across your face.

Silence overcame the two of you for a bit, which seemed pretty odd to you. Rosé usually wouldn’t stop talking unless she had food in her hands, and in this case, you were both still waiting for the food to arrive.

“Have you ever been in a relationship, y/n?”

Your eyes immediately opened to stare.

Rosé had a serious look on her face, curious and inquisitive.

You raised an eyebrow and moved forward. “Um, yeah, I have. Why do you ask?”

“What’s it like?”

“What’s it like?” You questioned. It seemed like such a trivial thing for someone like Rosé to be asking about. “Well, it’s... nice?” You shrugged.

Rosé continued staring. She expected you to say more and you could feel it.

“Umm,” you continued, “its like you always have your best friend at your side. It’s fun, and y’know. You just kinda enjoy being together.”

“So you loved them?”

You raised your eyebrows. “Um, I’m not too sure,” you laughed uncomfortably, “I would probably say yes? But...”

Rosé nodded. It was encouraging, but her soft expression told you that you didn’t have to continue. You smiled.

It was quiet once again for a short while, enough that you thought the conversation was over. You playfully squeezed Rosé’s knee and turned to grab your laptop again; Rosé stopped you by tapping your arm.

“Can I ask you something else?” Rosé sat back on her heels, folding her hands in her lap. She kept her head down now, and you could see her thumbs running over the back of her hands. Her voice was quiet.

You scooted up to sit on the edge of the bed next to her and nodded. “Yeah, sure, anything.”

Rosé took a deep breath and took her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes stayed diverted from your gaze.

“Did you ever... have sex with them?”

“What?!” Your eyebrows shot up to your hairline. Rosé flinched a bit from your tone and you sunk back into the bed in apology. Lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed, it was your turn to play with your own hands.

“I— yes, I did,” You managed to stammer, “it was, uh, yeah.”

Rosé hid her laugh and finally looked up at you. Her eyes were filled with a certain look of curiosity— or maybe something else.

“How was that?”

“Rosé, this is getting very—“ you laughed awkwardly and held your own throat in a chokehold, “very personal.”

Rosé smiled and let out a little laugh. “I know, I’m sorry. I just...” She shrugged, “is it satisfying?”

“It— yeah,” you looked off to the side and inhaled a nervous breath. “If done right.”

A thought suddenly crossed your mind and you stared at the older girl. “Have you... never done it?” Your tone was confused, and you sat back on the bed as puzzled as ever. This time, Rosé shook her head.

“Like, you’ve...” You shrugged and pointed to her legs, “you’ve had sex before.”

Rosé rolled her eyes. “No, y/n. I haven’t.”

The world must have slowed down in order for you to process this, because you stared at the older girl for a few moments, like the cog wheels in your head were turning to make sense of this.

“Okay, but, you’re an idol...” It seemed like you were just talking to yourself with the way your eyes stayed spaced out at the area in front of you, “you have to have had some getaway. And you have so many... willing fans. Some free time to... y’know...” You, again, shrugged incredulously and did a very inappropriate gesture that almost made Rosé laugh out loud.

“Y/n, you’re right, I’m an idol, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I get no free time for that,” Rosé sighed.

You furrowed your brows. It never really crossed your mind what Rosé did in her personal life. You didn’t think it bothered her that she hasn’t been in a relationship, nor have you ever thought about the fact that she’d eventually be in one. The thought alone made your stomach drop.

“Y/n,” you noticed Rosé creeping closer to you, a soft hand resting on your thigh. You jumped under her touch and looked in her eyes.

“I’ve never been with anyone. And, I’ve never felt that feeling of... release,” she admitted, quietly and breathlessly. You could see her eyelids fluttering along with her lashes with every blink. “Can you teach me?”

Your mind went blank. The cogwheels in your head froze, your throat immediately going dry. “Teach you?” You stared right through Rosé with a feeling that you may pass out.

“I won’t be able to just meet someone and do it. I at least want to know how to properly... do it myself.”

“You want me to teach you how to touch yourself?”

Rosé nodded. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her voice stayed quiet, but she had no problem with voicing her problem to you.

Rosé must know what an odd request this was, you thought. There’s always been tension between the two, regardless of how close of friends you were. You spent every waking moment together; maybe that’s why. But this was crossing a line.

“On top of that,” Rosé added, “I’ve never been able to feel that... that feeling that people get on their own.” She shrugged and looked at you with sincerity in her eyes. “It’s frustrating.”

“Yeah, yeah, I can see that...” Your throat felt like it was drying out by the second. You could feel that your stomach was in knots and your breathing began to break its rhythm. You couldn’t deny that you haven’t thought of this before.

Seeing Rosé so flustered and asking of something so intimate was sending you over the edge. There was an undeniable attraction you felt for the older girl. How could you not? Throughout the tours, the trips, you two had always been glued at the hip. But, still, you had to face reality. Rosé was a celebrity, and she understood that. You were fine being by her side as a friend— but that didn’t mean that those thoughts, ripe with lust and something more wouldn’t arise more often than not.

The atmosphere in the room only grew heavier and heavier.

“Do you watch porn?”

It was a valid question, but Rosé giggled. The blush deepened on your cheeks.

“I have. It just, doesn’t work,” Rosé was almost whispering now. You noticed that her eyes were lidded now and she kept her gaze low.

You swallowed nervously and nodded. “Do you want to try? Watching it?”

Rosé flushed. “With you here?”

“If you still want me to teach you.”

The older girl shuffled a bit on the bed now. A sudden shyness took over her, but the heat between her thighs grew unbearable by the minute.

Rosé nodded, and your stomach suddenly flipped over. It was happening, and you couldn’t believe it.

Without another word, you picked up your laptop and wasted no time in pulling the website up. Images began to flood the screen and your cheeks grew hot. From where you sat, you hoped that your beating heart would go unnoticed.

You clicked on a video with a very explicit thumbnail. You thought that the best way to teach was to show.

Rosé scooted closer to you, until you were shoulder to shoulder. Your skin burned hot to the touch.

The video began to play and your stomach filled with nervousness by the second. You were about to cross an unspoken boundary that’s been in place since you were children; but you didn’t care.

You were supposed to teach Rosé, but you weren’t able to find the words to try. You kept glancing to her, watching how she fidgeted and stared at the screen with such concentration. You took a deep breath, unable to handle the burning between your legs.

“Hey,” you finally spoke as you scooted backwards, resting on the headboard of the bed, legs open and patting the space between.

“Come sit between my legs.”

Rosé’s face flushed. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped, but no words of protest came out. She only quietly removed herself from the edge of the bed to climb into your lap.

“I’m gonna show you now, is that okay?” You asked.

“Yes,” Rosé took a deep breath and nodded, “that’s okay.”

Once Rosé was between your legs, you let your hands gently trace her thighs. Rosé almost flinched them closed on instinct, but you promptly took hold of her knees to slowly push them further apart.

Rosé’s face rushed with redness. She took a deep breath and tried her best to relax her nerves as your hands continued to travel up her sides and down her arms to her wrists.

You gently took her wrists and brought them up, towards your lips, where you left a kiss on her pulse.

The older girl’s hips twitched and you tried to hide your smug smile.

You lifted her wrists once more until Rosé felt hair entangle her fingers. Her arms were draped on your shoulders where she was free to grab at your hair, your head, anything.

“Don’t be afraid to use me too,” You spoke with lust dripping from your words. Rosé nodded desperately and unknowingly already took hold of a fistful of your hair.

She laid her head back on your shoulder. Her chest was heaving, and her legs were spread. You could tell that her nervousness began to build and grow, spreading through her whole body until she was almost trembling.

“Focus on my fingers,” You spoke softly to calm her down, your lips brushing against the shell of Rosé’s ear. “We’ll start slow.”

Your breath was felt on her skin, and it was enough to send shivers straight down Rosé‘s spine.

Trying to calm yourself of your own nerves, you took deep breaths and focused yourself on the feeling of Rosé’s smooth skin beneath your touch. With eyes closed, you began to slowly travel upwards and underneath the older girl’s shirt. You could feel Rosé’s stomach rising and falling in anticipation.

Your nails gently dug into her skin as you left soft, red trails in its wake. She whimpered and let out frustrated sighs.

The fabric of her bra was the only thing keeping you away from her chest. Even so, you gently cupped both breasts in your hands and heard a small gasp.

“Can I move this?” You asked. The feeling of Rosé’s nervous breathing was still prominent, but she nodded anyway. You traced her back with your left hand to give her bra strap a quick *flick*, and within a moment the latch fell limp.

You took hold of the front and began to pull it from Rosé’s shoulders. She straightened her arms to help ease from it, but resumed her position of holding the back of your head. The beating of your heart began to pound in your ears.

From just where you sat, you could see Rosé’s bare chest on display for you, free to be touched and teased. The thought of it being so close made your mind feel hazy.

Your hands skimmed up Rosé’s body once more before you finally felt her perky nipples in the palm of your hands. Rosé’s moans drifted through the air when you began to knead her breasts together. Her hips began to gyrate in your lap, slow strokes to match the pace of your hands. You let one of your hands fall back into her lap, where you took hold of her inner thigh to control the speed of her hips.

Rosé’s back arched away from you as you gently tugged at her already hardened nipple. Your thumb would ease up on them, twirling and just faintly touching, enough to frustrate Rosé and have her asking for more.

Rosé’s head was thrown back onto your shoulder, chest heaving and legs slowly spreading as you pushed and pulled her against you. You wondered just how riled up she could get.

Your hand moved from her thigh to delve under the material of her shorts, your fingers quickly swiping over Rosé’s clothed, throbbing clit. A soft gasp came from the girl’s lips and her chest arched away again.

“It’s okay.” You ran her finger along Rosé’s slit, feeling her panties grow increasingly wet as you did so. Rosé let out frustrated groans and tugged at your hair.

“I’ll touch you soon,” Your lips caressed the nape of her neck. The feeling alone sent jolts of electricity through her body. Rosé leaned her head back further and let out a whine, pulling your head closer to her.

You let your fingers roam, sliding along the cloth before rubbing gentle circles over her clit. Her panties were soaked already.

Rosé’s hips raised slightly and you heard a small whimper form in her throat. From the feeling of Rosé gripping your hair, you could tell that she was getting impatient with you.

“Y/n, come on,” she whined. The neediness in her voice only made your ego grow twice in size.

You couldn’t help but smile and nod. “Okay, okay,” you pulled your hand back to slide it under her panties. “It’s okay to relax.”

As you touched her, your fingers tracing between her folds to feel how wet she’s become, you make sure to remember every sound, imprinting it in your mind for only you to keep. You relish in every moan and whimper and shiver every time you dip your fingers into her heat, covering your own fingers in her juices. Then you bring your fingers back up to her clit, circling slowly, falling into a gentle rhythm that brings her close to the edge.

“Fuck,” she chokes on a gasp, then whines as she grinds herself against you, her own fingers digging into your neck, “don’t stop...” It almost seems like Rosé has forgotten the situation she was in, this whole scene being a lesson (or maybe she doesn’t care) because she lets go, only focusing on the pleasure you give her, giving in to the way you touch her, the way you tease and play between her trembling thighs. Your hand works quicker, driving her wild until she’s shaking against you.

But maybe she does remember that this is a lesson, because she tries to calm herself to focus on the feeling of your fingers. You don’t stop, however, now caressing her swollen, aching clit, filling the space with the sounds of her messy juices. Just feeling how wet she’s become as your body on fire, and feeling her trembling against you while listening to her breathless whimpers and moans makes your own body ache for release.

“God, that feels so good,” she cries out, gasping and whimpering all over again, “fuck, y/n, I’m… I’m gonna come—“

Her words ignite the fire within you, and even more so as you feel her thighs tighten around your hand as she begins to unravel. Her hips rolls against you and she reaches to grasp your wrist with a shaking palm. Her head is swirling, as is yours. Curses and moans fill the air, breaths suddenly so heavy as the pleasure rolls through her body, and after a few moments, she finally begins to come down.

Her head falls into your neck. She’s breathing deeply as her legs fall open, exhausted, but you still play at her folds. You smile as you caress down her slit and watch as her legs twitch from the sensitivity. The tips of your fingers sink into her pussy, allowing her messy juices to be heard after coming, pumping them slowly, the filthy noises making it known just how hard she came. Rosé giggles because it becomes too much, and finally her thighs close once again as she pushes your hand away.

You both stay quiet and just listen to your heaving breaths, feeling the both of your chests rising and falling with each one you take.

You decide to break the silence. “How was that?”

Rosé shook her head, but you could still feel her smile against your neck. “It— it was done right,” Her voice shook, “I’m pretty sure.”

You laughed a bit. The blush on your cheeks was still very much prominent, but she couldn’t see that. “Well, I hope you paid attention. You think you can do it yourself now?”

Rosé sat up from your lap and turned to face you. The shyness was erased from her face and was replaced with dominance, and to be honest, it frightened you a bit. Only— not really.

Rosé crawled closer to you until your noses were touching, her lips so close you could just lean up to capture them.

“I’m not sure,” Her hand moved from your thigh to find its place right where you wanted it most, “let me practice.”

#rosé #rosé x reader #blackpink scenarios #blackpink #blackpink smut #rosé smut #gg scenarios #kpop scenarios #park rosé #park chaeyoung #girl group scenarios #park roseanne #writeofmind

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roll-da-credits · 4 years ago

Text

Lycoris Radiata Pt. 3 - Deku x Reader -

Inspired by the piano piece, "Lycoris Radiata," Written by Spikes, played by MusicalBasics.

Highly recommend listening to it whilst reading.

[1] [2] [3]

Word Count: 1.7k

When a childhood love shows up after being lost to time, it's unnerving to be presented by something so familiar yet different. Deku, lost to his own love and presented with the stresses of life and unrequited love, it isn't easy to see the world with an unbiased gaze.

!WARNING!

(This is for the entire series and not just this part)

BIG TW for death, suicide, abuse,

Minor TW for death imagery, toxic relationship, toxic friendship, toxic shit all around

A/n: First off, this last part, please read with caution. There are a lot of serious topics in this one that can be triggering to some people. This feels really weird to post ngl, I was actually planning on posting the entire thing in 1 part but it was ridiculously long and the pacing was so incredibly slow. After editing it down and proofreading, I'm extremely proud and glad I made it a 3 parter. So, again, read with caution, enjoy the story, and I hope you cried.

Imagery used:

Snapdragon seed pods, red snapdragons, red spider lilies

He came to your café a little bit more often now, there was a fear inside of him that he wouldn’t be able to save you either.

He didn’t know from what, where, or when. But after the two innocent girl’s life was taken away from them just because they were in the wrong situation. He felt a little bit paranoid at your own safety.

But almost every time he inquired you to get extra precautions, your boyfriend would always assure Deku that you were safe with him. And Deku trusted him.

Deku would constantly talk to you about whatever topic came into his mind, he wanted to talk to you more and love you even more even if it hurt him. Call him a masochist he didn’t care, love to him was a drug he couldn’t get enough of, even if that very thing giving him so much love can’t receive it from him, because you were receiving it from someone else.

His pink tinted eyes now growing red from the sheer amount of love he had for you. It grew cloudy and red, to the point where he found everything you do close to perfect.

He saw you as a beautiful goddess.

As the days slowly change from Summer to Fall, he saw more of the red flowers he found in the cemetery growing near your café.

When he asked you if you wanted to get rid of them, you laughed and brushed it off with what he thinks was a sly smile.

He wanted to believe that you actually started blooming them around the café since you knew he found them fascinating. Of course, there was no proof to this theory of his, but something Deku liked to do was a dream, and right now he dreamt of you giving hints of your love.

Then one day, he walked by the café just as it was closing on his way home and found your boyfriend yelling at you. You yelled back at him in retaliation and brought your hand up, only to get it caught by your boyfriend. For the first time, Deku finally saw how tight his grip was when he was mad.

He was sure it was going to leave a bruise on your skin. But he didn’t want to interfere.

When your boyfriend left, he finally revealed himself and comforted you. He told himself he was doing this not because he liked you but because you were his friend. He asked you what the argument was about but you looked up at him and smiled.

There was something weird about your smile, something he couldn’t quite place.

“It’s fine. He broke up with me.” Your smile didn’t match the tone of your cracking voice, and he had to stop himself from tightening his grip on you when you pushed him slightly away and begun walking back home.

He saw the red flowers around you bloom brighter than they ever had before, and he thought if it was a sign from her subconscious asking him to prod further. But he won’t, he can’t.

His rose gaze along with the sweet image he has of your boyfriend prevented him from going further.

After all, he was a hero, he knows best when to prod further. Even if he was biased in the situation.

Deku looked at his phone and found his text messages unanswered and ignored. He had just gotten accepted to UA, he wants to share the news with you.

But you had moved out from your parents’ house to go live alone in a different city with the school of your dreams. He confirmed this by asking your parents, though they did seem slightly worried over you he expected that of such caring parents. He thinks it was just because you were finally living alone.

But he wasn’t sure why there were so many unanswered texts, why you had completely left his life.

He felt his heart crashing into a million pieces.

It took him a rather long time to get over you. An even longer time to forget about the lasting memories of you.

On his daily run in UA just after getting into his 2nd year, on the road, he found a red snapdragon flower. It was radiant and beautiful. For a split second he got reminded of you, and your strange love for red flowers, though he thought it was just due to your unique quirk.

Not wanting to feel any more pain towards the coming memories, he dropped the flower and continued on his jog.

For some reason, he chose the exact same route the next day, this time he found the snapdragon dried and dead. The seed pods in the fallen stem were terrifying. They looked like miniature skulls and he shivered at the thought of something so beautiful being able to die so quickly.

Finally reaching his third year, he readied himself to become a fully-fledged hero as it was just a year away.

He found himself re-living some of his old memories though, Bakugou had asked him to go back to the forest they used to play as a child. It was his way of apologizing to Deku after all the years of torment.

In their path, they found a red camelia tree. The flowers were beautiful and Deku again thought of you.

Just in cue, Bakugou laughed, “Remember when I made Y/n cry because I smashed one?” Deku laughed at the thought but Bakugou grew quiet, “You know, they never respond to my texts ever again. I never told you that, but we stayed close even after I began bullying you. At the time I didn’t see them as a worthless quirkless person like you.”

Deku rolled his eyes, “Thank you Kaachan.” He said rather passive-aggressively.

“No that wasn’t my point, my point is when you told me they disappeared from your life they disappeared from mine as well.”

Deku shook his eyes, forcing the memories back down, “I don’t want to remember it Kaachan, you know I had the biggest crush on them. They must’ve found better people now.”

Deku pushed the memories down and didn’t let them resurface.

After all, if he was to become a hero, he couldn’t have old memories dragging him down. Even if it meant denying he still had feelings for you.

Deku checked his phone repeatedly.

20 unanswered texts, 10 unanswered calls since last week.

Fear bubbled up in his stomach.

What if you decided to leave him behind once again???

What does Deku do when he was stressed?

Drown himself in work.

He opened his laptop and begun reading and replying to hundreds of emails, even reading a lot of spam emails from his admirers. One did catch his eye though.

It was filled with videos. He opened it and from the thumbnails of the videos immediately grew even more panicked.

He clicked on one and watched through it. His eyes widened and fear washed over him like a tide in the sea.

He clicked on another one hoping his hunch wasn’t through.

He clicked on another and another.

He finally accepted it.

All of the videos you sent to him were your recordings of weekly diary entries in the form of video. Each of them you were covered in bruises, tear-stained cheeks, and ragged breathing. Your desperate pleas of not being able to break up with your boyfriend.

He quickly realized your boyfriend was not who he said he was, and that all his actions were just acted. He was a manipulative son of a bitch who trapped you in his spider web. He was the spider stringing a beautiful butterfly in his web. Slowly but surely wrapping you in silk, trapping you, suffocating you.

When he finally finished the last one he quickly ran towards your place. Begging to whatever god there was that you were safe.

“Did you know Izuku?”

Your words in the video echoed in his mind as he ran and ran.

“The flower you gave me were actually Red Spider Lilies.”

He lived rather far away but he couldn’t stop, he won’t.

“I’m surprised you didn’t know what they were nor what they symbolized”

His legs ached and burned but he continued on running.

“They’re symbols of death and moving on, sometimes even reincarnations.”

He finally got to your city and ran to your café, hoping you were there.

“They symbolize the change of seasons from Summer to Fall, truly beautiful flowers.”

When he saw the café closed with neither you nor your boyfriend in sight he continues running to your apartment.

“I never told you this about my quirk, but you know they predict my emotions? I think they can predict my future too.”

He felt like a rabid dog with tears flowing down like waterfalls.

“The spider lilies growing through my subconscious around the café were proof of that theory.”

No, no NO, he won’t let this happen. He won’t let you leave him once again.

He won’t let his rose-tinted gaze show him only your best parts, making him deny all your bad sides all your woes and tears.

He immediately barged into your apartment only to be greeted by the sickeningly sweet smell of flowers.

The room was dark, despite it being 1pm.

He walked slowly through the entrance and found a scatter of red flowers blooming everywhere.

He called your name, no answer.

He screamed for your name, no answer.

But he did get his answer when he arrived at your living room.

The entire room was almost covered from ceiling to the floor with red spider lilies, and the lushest areas where they grew the densest were in the middle of the room.

Deku screamed in agony as he held your hanging body close to his chest.

It wasn’t blood that now stained his fingers nor his clothes. It was the red petals falling down from the ceiling to his hair that taunted him.

It mocked him.

It told him that you gave all the signs, you showed him everything, and yet he was too drugged in the most addictive drug of them all, love, to even notice your hints.

And now he was paying the price.

After all, he was a hero, he needed to be responsible for his actions. Even if it meant finally accepting that you were gone… forever.

#deku angst #izuku midoriya #deku x reader #izuku x reader #midoriya angst #deku fluff #my hero academia #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha x reader #deku x you #izuku midoriya x you #bnha x reader #izuku fanfic #deku fanfiction

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galahadwilder · 5 years ago

Text

Kitty Missed the Message, Pt. 2

Part 1

"There's thousands of people named 'Adrien' in Paris!" Plagg protests from Adrien's inside shirt pocket. "There's no way she meant you."

"And how many of those Adriens does Ladybug know?" Adrien mumbles, gazing down at the lid on his coffee cup. He sits—no, lies—against the front steps of the school, too tired to even bother trying to keep his back straight. Between the thrill of his new love life and the confusion of her dropping his name, he didn't get any sleep last night; he's allowed to slump a little.

"A lot of them, probably!" Plagg says. "She saves lots of people."

"And how many people has she given a Miraculous to?" Adrien says, gritting his teeth as he contemplates his coffee, then throwing back a sip fast enough to miss his tongue entirely—though it still scalds the back of his throat. He gasps, hacking.

He hates the taste of coffee. Even the burning is better.

"Um," Plagg says, squirming. "Ten?"

"Exactly," Adrien rasps, trying to clear his throat. "They can't all be Adrien. And since she knows Chloé..."

Plagg snuggles grumpily into his chest. "Sometimes I wish you weren't so smart," the Kwami says.

"Too bad you're stuck with me," Adrien says, looking down the street contemplatively. Where is Nino? He's fairly certain he impressed on him the urgency of his dilemma.

As bad as Adrien.

"Am I really that oblivious?" he mutters to himself.

"Well you didn't notice me," Nino says from behind him.

Adrien shrieks, leaping from the steps and stumbling onto the sidewalk, all hackles and hissing. He can feel the pressure on his scalp as his hair tries to stand on end, only to get dragged down by its own weight.

"Dude?" Nino says, shock written across his face.

Adrien looks down at where he flung his coffee, trying to straighten himself without meeting Nino's eyes and hiding the blush burning up his cheeks. "I'm fine!" he yelps. Being a cat is so embarrassing sometimes.

"Dude!" Nino cackles. "I haven't seen you jump like that since the thing with the cucumber!"

"I thought I asked you not to bring that up again," Adrien grumbles, splashing the sole of his foot in his spilled coffee and spreading it dejectedly across the sidewalk. A waste of good caffeine, that is.

Nino’s mouth twists. “Ah. Right,” he says, gently taking Adrien’s forearm. “Sorry, bro.”

”It’s fine,” Adrien says with a slight smile. “I did look like a doof, didn’t I?”

”The doofiest,” Nino says with a nod and a grin. He steps back and folds his arms. “What was so urgent that you needed me at the butt-end of the morning?”

Adrien opens his mouth, closes it again. "I, uh..." he begins. "You... remember that girl I keep saying I like? The one I work with?"

Nino raises an eyebrow. "The one who's not interested in you?"

Adrien's stomach bottoms out. "Yeah," he says. "Or, well. No?” He looks down at his feet, scratching at the back of his neck. How to put this? “It's gotten... weird."

Nino crosses his arms with a wry grin, sinking his weight backward into an uncharacteristically sassy sort of pose, the one he’s been doing more often the more time he spends with Alya. "Weird how?"

Adrien closes his eyes, breathes in, breathes out. "According to her,” he says, picking his thumbnails into his fingers, “yesterday was our one-month anniversary."

Nino’s silence is somehow louder than any words would have been. Adrien opens one eye, wincing, bracing for judgement, only to see confused pride on his friend’s face.

"So... wait," Nino finally says, pushing up his glasses and rubbing his sinuses with his fingers. "Let me—let—” He shakes his head. “You're dating her now?"

Adrien shrugs in distress. "Yes?" he says with another wince. "I'm... it's confusing." He raises his fingers to his lips, the memory of the softness of Ladybug's mouth on his own warming his face. "She... did kiss me last night. Unprompted."

Nino's eyes grow wide. "Dude," he says, holding out his fist. "Dap."

Adrien taps his knuckles against Nino's, still a little too confused to properly appreciate the situation.

“Come on,” Nino says. “Let’s head inside, we can talk while sitting.”

Adrien nods, following without really meaning to move his legs at all.

“So what changed?” Nino says as they walk down the hallway toward their lockers.

“What do you mean?” Adrien says, his eyes wandering. His head still feels a little fuzzy, to be honest.

Nino shrugs. “Well, I mean...” he says, “there’s gotta have been some kind of change, right? That led to her changing her mind?”

The side of Adrien’s mouth twists. “I got nothing,” he mumbles.

Nino turns to stare at him, then snorts and rolls his eyes. “Not surprised,” he says. “You’re not always the best at noticing things like that.”

”That’s... actually why I wanted to talk to you,” Adrien says. “Am I... really that oblivious?”

Nino stops walking and sighs. ”I...” He catches his tongue between his teeth. “You know how pretty much everyone we know has had a crush on Marinette at some point?"

Adrien gives a small smile. “Of course,” he says. That’s pretty much a given.

Nino nods. "Did you ever wonder why she never took anyone up on it until last month?"

"Yeah," Adrien says. "She had a guy she liked, right?"

Nino’s shoulders slump. "Yeah," He says. "You."

Adrien's train of thought comes to a screeching halt. "What?" he says.

Nino reaches out and claps Adrien’s shoulder. “She had a crush on you, dude.”

Adrien blinks. “But, her new boyfriend... wasn’t he the guy?”

Nino snorts. “Nope,” he says. “It was you, bro. And you were the only one who never knew.”

Adrien feels like lightning has been rammed into his skull. As bad as Adrien... it couldn’t be, right?

There’s no way.

Class isn’t as difficult as he was expecting. It’s worse. Nino’s words aren’t much to go on—in fact, they’re nothing at all, but it’s the first clue he’s had. So his brain, scrambled from exhaustion and caffeine as it is, can’t stop flitting around Marinette.

First: Kwamibuster. He’d been certain she was Ladybug, all the evidence he’d needed had been there, they were so alike, so brilliant and energetic... and then he’d seen them right next to each other. Different people? Illusion? And then Marinette had suddenly picked up a boyfriend, one who nobody in the class had met, and Adrien had been... so disappointed, but he could never pinpoint why.

When was that, anyway?

Was it a month ago?

He can’t pay any attention to anything that’s happening in front of him—the only thing he can hear is Marinette, Marinette, Marinette. It can’t be her, right? But his brain won’t let it go.

”So, how was your anniversary date?” Alya says with what Adrien can only assume is a sly grin. He can see her exact expression, even though he’s trying desperately not to turn around. Not to let on that he’s listening.

Marinette makes a sound like she’s swallowed her tongue. “Uh! W-weird, actually.”

Alya hums. “Weird how?” He hears the flannel of her shirt slide against the desk as she leans toward Marinette. “How’d the ‘plan’ go?”

Marinette squeaks. Adrien squirms in his seat, staring at his hands, screaming in his head not to turn around. He’s ignoring the way Nino is staring at him, trying to hold still.

”Come on, girl, spill!” Alya whispers. “Did you kiss him?”

”Yep!” Marinette squeaks.

”Oh my god you’re so red!” Alya cackles. Then her voice drops to a hiss. “Tell me everything!”

Marinette swallows. “I mean... it was really weird?” she says. “He... didn’t know we were dating?”

Adrien’s blood rushes to his ears like a vise around his skull, crushing inward. Didn’t know we were dating. That’s—it’s impossible.

Alya snorts. “Girl, are you sure you’re not dating Adrien?”

Adrien doesn’t hear Marinette’s response. He doesn’t hear much of anything until lunchtime, really.

Marinette is Ladybug. He’s going to explode.

“Hi, Mari!” he says as soon as she closes her locker.

She shrieks, leaping backward, scattering her papers on the ground, and Adrien immediately feels a rush of guilt at surprising her—but cats are 60% bastard, and he can’t help taking a little joy in it.

Marinette heaves a breath, pressing her hand to her chest. “Adrien!” she gasps. “You’ve gotta stop doing that!”

Adrien feels a grin spread across his face. “Never,” he drawls, leaning a bit into her space. “You’re too much fun to scare.”

Marinette smirks, pressing a finger to his sternum. “Well maybe I’ll just start sneaking up on you.”

Adrien’s heart begins to beat hard in his chest at her touch, at her smile. Oh, it’s her, it’s her, it’s her. And she’s not scared of him anymore, and now he knows exactly why that is...

”Can—can I talk to you?” he gasps out. “In private?”

Marinette’s eyebrows tighten, concern in her eyes. “Everything okay?”

It strikes him through the ribs, the way she cares about him, the way she makes his problems hers, and he knows she deserves the universe. He’s loved her, both of her, since the day they met, and she’s loved both of him, and if she asked him to steal the sun for her he’d burn himself alive snatching it from the sky. “Everything’s fine!” he says, gripping her arm. “Everything’s... great, actually.” He flashes her a smile, his fan’s favorite smile, hoping to put her at ease.

Instead, she tenses. “That’s your fake smile,” she says, her eyes narrowing.

Adrien blinks. “You can tell?” he says.

Marinette’s eyes widen, and her face goes bright red. “I—uh—”

Adrien bites his lip. Right, she’s been in love with him forever—knowing how she is, how the hammer-force of her attention slams down on everything she cares about, she probably noticed everything about him. It’s a wonder she didn’t figure out his identity.

”It’s fine!” he says. “I was just—trying to put you at ease, you know?”

Marinette sets her jaw and nods, glancing around the locker room, cataloguing everyone in the room the way she does when she’s trying to work out a Lucky Charm. “Classroom’s empty?”

Adrien nods. “Classroom.”

Marinette sits down on his desk, crossing her legs and leaning forward. “What’s up?”

Adrien looks away, breathes in. “How’s things with your boyfriend?”

Marinette blinks. “Adrien?” she says. There’s a note of... something in her voice. Hope? Anger? Disappointment? Maybe all three. You’re paying attention to me now? it seems to say.

“Last night was your anniversary, right?” Adrien says, looking at her. The pigtails. The eyes, bluer than blue. The earrings he’s only ever seen her take off once—the day Lady Noire showed up instead of Ladybug. Everything about her is the same, even the fire in her eyes.

Marinette’s eyes narrow. “Adrien, if this is about—”

”To be fair, My Lady,” he interrupts, slashing a Chat smile across his face, “you never actually told me we were dating.”

Marinette’s face goes slack, her mouth open, her eyes wide. “I—what?” she whispers. “You... no. No way. You—you can’t...” She straightens, breathing in, gathering herself. “Kitty?” she whispers.

Adrien grins, pressing one arm to his waist and throwing the other out wide with a bow. “Always at your service,” he says.

Suddenly he’s halfway to the floor, falling backwards, Marinette’s tiny hands seizing bunches of his lapels, her lips strawberry-sweet on his. They slam against the ground, together, entwined, gasping, together. Peppering each other with kisses.

“Kitty—”

“My Lady—”

“Princess—”

”Adrien—”

”Marinette—”

”I love you,” he gasps, clutching her chest against his own, and she stiffens.

”I... have been waiting to—to hear you say that... for—for two years,” she stammers.

He presses a kiss to her temple. “I’ve been saying it in private every day,” he says. “And I will say it to you every day for as long as you want it.”

Plagg snorts. “I can confirm,” he says. “Every frickin’ day with this kid. Both identities, too!”

Marinette giggles. “You should hear some of the stuff I said about you,” she says. Then her eyes widen. “Or—maybe not, please don’t—”

Tikki giggles from inside her purse. “I’m telling him anyway!”

Marinette’s eyes shoot to her bag. “Betrayal!” she hisses.

Adrien giggles, and Marinette laughs too, and the two of them just dissolve into laughter. Then, suddenly, Marinette stops.

”Oh,” she says. “Oh, no.”

Adrien blinks. “My Lady?”

Marinette fixes her burning gaze on his eyes. “What are we going to tell Alya?”

#miraculous ladybug #my fic #fanfic #original content #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ladynoir #adrienette #adrinette #plagg #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #fic #ml fic #ml fanfic #fluff #identity reveal

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glowonu · 4 years ago

Text

untitled love song by henry

woozi x reader, a little song fic based on this sweet tune~~

fluff, 1.6k words

There’s no title I just wrote this as it came Your eyes, your nose, even your lips I wanted to make it into a song My heart fluttered all night in front of the piano All day, I think of how your eyes and smile will look As you listen to this song And without knowing, a full day passes

Jihoon groans into his hands before looking up at the screen again. The lyrics that paint the document in front of him glare back at him confrontingly. He can’t believe that you’ve overwhelmed his emotions to this point. It’s as if he had blacked out, only to wake up before a page full of poetry about you.

He misses you dearly, you’re away on an interstate internship for your masters and he hasn’t seen you in so long. Pictures of you are embedded in his mind and the soft way you smiled at him in the last video call can’t help but to remind him how he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

He chuckles and closes the document before Bumzu or Soonyoung can get even the tiniest glance at it. He hums before realising that you have talked about this before, and after your internship you do only have a semester of study left, maybe it isn’t such an insane idea.

Jihoon clicks back to the song he’s actually supposed to be writing, but the poetry of you plays on repeat in the back of his mind. He hopes you’ll like it, a weird sort of adrenaline rushes through him as his eyes catch the document thumbnail on his desktop every so often.

Girl you keep driving me crazy I can’t believe I’m in love If only I could have you, oh baby

You smile at him over the phone, showing Jihoon around the park you’re currently sitting in with a promise to take him there sometime. Your internship isn’t too far away, realistically either of you could catch the five-hour train to see each other, but both of your schedules are packed to the brim, full of commitments and deadlines.

Jihoon watches you fondly and whispers out a soft “I miss you,”

Your gaze softens, and you quieten down. “I miss you too baby,”

The line quietens, and you simply gaze at each other through the phone screen. Jihoon hums a breath of thanks to the engineers who made it possible for him to still be able to see your gorgeous smile as you grin at him, your smiling eyes sparkling at him.

“I’ll be home soon love, just in time for our anniversary! You won’t miss me for too long now!”

Later that night, Mingyu laughs at him. “Man, you’ve been dating for what, 3 years now? And it’s still like you’ve got a high-school crush on her,”

Jihoon chucks a pillow at him, and Mingyu shuts up with a loud ‘Oof’.

I’m singing, In all of these notes My truth is there Only one in the world It’s a love song for you I want to touch your heart Till there are tears in your heart The only and best love song for you When you smile at me I think of a sweet melody

There’s a small blessing in the odd placement of this day off occurring in the middle of the week. While Jihoon would have appreciated a long weekend to go visit you, he secretly appreciates having the Wednesday off to hide away in his studio to work on his little surprise for you.

He uses the original lyrics he had made up earlier but tweaks them for the new purpose of the track. He wants to make sure that you know how honest, sincere, and deep his love is for you. On a normal day, with a normal project, he is already a massive perfectionist, with this project, he almost feels nauseous thinking about how you might react.

It’s late in the afternoon when you call Jihoon, his phone flashing with a photo Minghao had taken of you curled together backstage at a show. He yawns before answering the call, your smiling face taking up the window of his phone screen.

“Hey Hoonie! How’s your day off been?” You start, bright and happy, you barely let him answer as you chat away about all you’ve been up to.

“Have you been working on a song?” You ask as you finally notice Jihoon’s surroundings. Jihoon’s cheeks bloom pink as he nods.

“Just a project that will probably end up for another group,” Jihoon says, a little white lie. You merely smile, ignorant to what the project really is for.

Jihoon goes on to talk about his members, and when he imitates Chan, you can’t help but to laugh uncontrollably.

Jihoon thinks he has a new idea for a melody.

I’m in love with you Ooh I’m in love with you You know Girl you keep driving me crazy I can’t believe I’m in love If only I could have you, oh baby

It's finally only a few weeks until you get back, and Jihoon is vibrating with a mix of excitement and nerves. He’s been to too many shops in any free time he has had. And yet, nothing seems to be the right fit for you. It’s been the same with recording, he’s tweaked every note, beat, and pause, to make sure everything inside of his heart is expressed in the track.

In the end, he decides to strip it all back. He pours his heart out onto the piano, and everything starts to come together. Gone are the extra elements to the songs. He leaves it at his voice and a soft, emotional piano instrumental.

And that evening, as he shops, Jeonghan trailing along with him, he finds what he’s been looking for.

I’m singing In all of these notes My truth is there Only one in the world It’s a love song for you I want to touch your heart Till there are tears in your heart The one and only best love song for you

Finally.

Finally, you’re back together again.

You yack your head off to him in the car, on the way to a hole-in-the-wall diner from the train station. And he listens contentedly, appreciating the way your voice sounds, now not limited by how good his internet connection is, or the audio quality of your phones.

Your face lights up as you arrive at the small diner, the menu includes some of your favourite comfort foods. Looking over at Jihoon, your heart jumps into your throat at how fondly he gazes at you. You both fluster awkwardly as you enter the restaurant.

“I have a gift for you,” Jihoon announces after you finish up your meals. It’s late, and the two of you are the only ones left in the restaurant.

Your eyes widen, and you protest as you wipe some food off of the side of your mouth, but the way your hair falls on your bare face as you sit with one knee up makes the weight in his pocket seem all the more perfect.

Jihoon chuckles at your protests, and passes his earphones to you. “Listen,”

Confused and hesitant, you take the earphones, and once you put them on, he plays the track on his phone. As the notes play, you listen to Jihoon sing. You listen to him open his heart for you, you listen to him express every detail of his love and affections, you listen to the pure emotion that he holds for you and you alone.

Before you know it, the song is over, there are tears trailing down your cheeks, and you sniffle helplessly as Jihoon leans across the table to use his sleeve to wipe away your tears before holding your hand gently.

“I love you,” Jihoon says,

You sob, somewhat pathetically, as you laugh, “I love you too,”

“I,” Jihoon starts, then takes in a shaky breath, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He continues, eyes trained on you as you watch him, listening intently. “You know my heart, and I think that song was an explanation enough. I don’t think I could imagine my life without you.”

You’re frozen, and as he pulls a box out of his pocket you can’t help but grip his hand a little tighter, before letting it go.

He opens the box, and a simple but elegant ring stands out against the dingy diner, and your lazy day clothes. “So if you’ll have me-”

“Yes,” You laugh wetly, as the tears run down your face, “Yes, of course,”

“Hey, I haven’t even finished asking you yet,” Jihoon laughs, and sneakily wipes away a few of his own tears before slipping the ring onto your finger.

Ooh This song’s for you I need nobody but you It’s crazy the way that I feel Oh oh oh I love you, all of you With all my heart, I’m singing this love song

It’s the early hours of the morning as you walk along the Han river, hand in hand, the ring glinting on your finger prettily. The both of you don’t want to go home yet.

You start humming along to the song Jihoon made for you, he smiles and sings along. As you walk under one of the light up bridges, he pulls you close to him, and presses a soft kiss to your lips.

My truth is there I want to touch your heart The one and only best love song for you.

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spookyboywhump · 4 years ago

Text

Too Much

I’m so sorry that after having no content for like. forever. All I have to offer is what is basically 2,000+ words of vent fic. It’s kind of been an off day and I made that Wren’s problem.

I’m not tagging the taglist in this one cuz it’s. kind of a mess, my bad.

CW: Some self blame, several mentions of skin picking

***

He’d been on edge all day, since the moment he woke up really. He’d hardly slept the night before, only falling into a real, deep sleep an hour or two before Cain woke them up. His voice was loud, too loud, and it took all of Wren’s self control to not cover his ears- he didn’t want to imagine what would’ve happened if Cain saw him doing that.

The feeling continued all throughout the day, he couldn’t tell if it was the lack of sleep or the stress he was constantly under, all he knew was that everything was overwhelming right now. He almost felt nauseous, something that only got worse when Cain was kind enough to give them actual food that morning, and he just wanted to yell at him Why today of all days?! Everything was making him even angrier, even more wound up, the sunlight coming in from the large windows, the sound of utensils against a plate, even the fact that his food was touching made him want to start yelling.

He tried to keep it to himself, he knew he’d likely snap at the first person who said anything, if that was Cain he’d be in trouble and if it was Zander, then he’d just feel awful about it. It wasn’t the first time he’d felt like this, the familiar weight on his chest making it hard for him to focus or think clearly, his thoughts bouncing back and forth between everything that felt wrong at the moment. Too loud, too bright, too much, just want everything to stop, He thought anxiously.

He’d been overwhelmed like this before, but before it was easier to handle, easier to isolate himself from the things he felt were driving him crazy. Even if he had to endure it through work, he could handle it, he’d always been good at hiding what was wrong with him. Endure it for the day, get home, lock himself in his room under a pile of blankets and just take in the silence, the comfort around him, feeling all the tension in his body wind down. Right now, he wanted that feeling more than anything.

He couldn’t have that though, not yet anyway. He had no choice but to let that stress build up throughout the day, waiting for the worst part of the evening. He hated to see Zander fight, but he knew tonight would be worse, knew he couldn’t handle everything that came with a fight.

He anxiously picked at his fingers the entire ride there, even when Zander grabbed his hand to try and stop him, he couldn’t stop fidgeting, trying to dig his thumbnail into his index finger, trying to pick away at the skin around the nail. It was all he could think to focus on, to relieve even the slightest bit of anxiety building up inside of him. He almost wished he were the one fighting, just to do something to distract his mind, but he knew he’d be useless like this, knew he’d just get hurt if he tried to fight when he couldn’t even keep his thoughts straight.

Once there, he swore he was going to drop dead. The crowds, the people, it was all too much, everyone talking at once, shouting over others to be heard. He couldn’t help but whimper when he was separated from Zander, the only comforting person he had in this situation, but Cain hardly noticed his distress, dragging him along after him. He felt pathetic, he was tearing up just because of some noise, he had to furiously blink them away, he couldn’t have handled Cain ridiculing him for it.

As he expected, it got so much worse when the fights actually started. This time he couldn’t help but cover his ears, hunched over in his seat, and Cain didn’t seem to care, too focused on the senseless violence he’d come to watch. Stop stop stop, please just make it all stop, it’s too much, too loud, I can’t take it anymore, He thought, his eyes squeezed shut as he wished he could’ve drowned out all the noise around him. By now his head was hurting from all the overstimulation, a pounding in his skull that he couldn’t escape no matter how hard he tried.

He didn’t want to look up when it was Zander’s turn, he didn’t want to see him get hurt, but Cain grabbed him by the hair, forcing him to sit up, forcing him to pay attention, laughing at the way Wren cried out in pain. He hated his laugh, he wanted to hit him, he just wanted to make him shut the fuck up. He kept his hands clasped over his ears, it didn’t help much but it was still better than if he hadn’t done it. It was the only small comfort he had right now, he was going to hang on to it for dear life.

Watching Zander fight was always hard for him, he hated it more than anything. He often forgot just how violent he could really be, sometimes he found it hard to believe the vicious person in the ring was the same kind and gentle person he’d been living with for months now. The worst part was knowing Zander would be hurt though, new bruises, new scars on top of old ones, blood that would need to be cleaned and injuries that would need to be tended to, and he wanted to help him so bad but at the same time he feared he would be useless as he was.

It was a relief that Zander won, a relief to know he wouldn’t have to endure more pain than necessary. Cain was in a good mood, he was always in a good mood when they won, and Wren just hoped it would last until they got home, until this exhausting day could finally be over. He felt stupid for being so upset over everything, it was by no means the worst day he’d endured here, and Zander had suffered so much more than he did. He was fine, he was unhurt, all of his anxiety and stress meant nothing when he wasn’t even the one forced to fight that day, forced into a dangerous situation just for others’ entertainment. Once again he found himself angry at the situation, angry that people actually enjoyed this, angry that him and Zander and so many others were suffering for nothing more than amusement.

He tried to keep himself together. Zander was hurt, he’d need help and Wren was the only one who would be able to give him that. He just needed to last until Zander was taken care of, that was all he wanted, even though he was trembling, even though his head hurt and his thoughts had gone to nonsense static, even though he was miserable, all he wanted was to be of some help to him. He tried so hard, but as soon as they were back at the house, as soon as the door was locked and they were alone, he knew he was going to fall apart.

He leaned against the door, taking slow, deep breaths, trying to calm down enough that he could help Zander, who was looking at him worriedly. He seemed to be doing better than he normally was after a fight, less blood than usual, but Wren still wanted to help if he needed it, he just wanted to be useful. He knew that was going to be hard right now though, his hands were shaking so bad he wasn’t sure he’d be much help to him.

“Wren, are you alright…?” Zander asked cautiously. “You’ve been off all day, what’s wrong…?”

“Nothing.” He insisted, but really he didn’t know how to put it into words, didn’t know if Zander would understand that it was too much. He’d gotten confused looks from people before when he tried to explain it, he’d tried long winded explanations to simply saying his brain was “bad”, no matter what he didn’t know how to explain that nothing was really wrong but at the same time everything felt wrong.

“Wren…-”

“Nothing is wrong, really, I promise, I’m just- I’m just being stupid, that’s it, really, I’m fine.” He told him, the words coming faster than he could think of them. “I’m sorry- it, it’s really not a big deal, it just happens sometimes, don’t worry about me, you’re hurt, you need help, I-I can still help, I promise.” He told him, his eyes darting around the room as he rambled, unable to stop himself.

“You’re not being stupid.” Zander said, keeping his voice soft. He approached him slowly, and when Wren didn’t flinch or shrink away, he seemed to take that as a good sign, gently taking him by the shoulder and guiding him over to the bed, sitting down with him.

“W-wait- you need help, you’re hurt, I can still help.” He told him, looking up at him almost desperately. “Just- ignore me, ignore this, I can help…”

“No, not like this.” Zander told him. “I’m fine, it’s nothing I can’t handle on my own. I’ve been doing it by myself long enough, you need a break.”

“No I don’t! You’re the one who's hurt, I’m fine!” He couldn’t bear to let him do this alone, not when he was right here, not when he wasn’t even hurt. He was overreacting, to everything, he was sure of it, and he didn’t want an overreaction to stop him from helping out.

“You’re not fine.” Zander said, almost sternly. “You’re freaking out, I can tell. Have you been feeling like this all day?” He asked him, and Wren hesitated before nodding, glancing away from him.

“I’m fine…” He said again, less sure this time, but he knew Zander wasn’t buying it. He slipped his arm around his shoulders, pulling him close, and Wren couldn’t help but relax the slightest bit, the weight of his arm around him comforting him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“N-no, nothings wrong, it’s, I’m just dumb…” he said slowly. “Nothing is actually wrong it’s just… too much… everything is too much, the-the lights and every sound and smell, just everything…” He told him, waiting for that confusion, waiting to be told to get over it, to suffer it in silence like he normally would’ve.

“How can I help?” He asked, and really he shouldn’t have been surprised that Zander would ask that instead of anything else. “You said this happens sometimes, what do you normally do?” He asked him.

“I… hide.” He laughed tiredly. “I just… normally I’m home and I just… hide in bed… turn the lights off, make everything stop until it all goes away…”

“Until what goes away…?”

“The… the feeling…” He raised his hand, pointing at his chest. “The weight, the feeling that I’m getting wound up more and more until I eventually break, but if, if I can calm down, get away from everything that’s too much, then I’ll unwind, then I won’t break…” He felt stupid explaining it, when he said it out loud it sounded ridiculous to him, but Zander just nodded, letting go of him and standing up.

“You need to rest, then.” He told him.

“But, you…-“

“Wren. You’re kind enough to help me every time. It’s okay to take a break, especially if you’ve been feeling like this all damn day. Just lay down, I’ll keep quiet, okay?” He said, and Wren knew he wasn’t going to be argued with.

“I… okay… thank you…” He said softly, and Zander smiled at him, turning off the light for him before he went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Wren took a deep breath, sighing in relief. It was a start, at least, the silence of the room settled over him like a soft blanket, comforting and safe, no more noise to grate in his ears. He laid back on the bed, grabbing a pillow and holding it over his face, only moving it slightly so he could breathe. Slowly, he could feel the tension leaving his body a little bit at a time, the weight on his chest getting lighter and lighter.

He tried to concentrate on breathing, in and out, slow deep breaths he could focus on rather than bouncing from panicked thought to panicked thought. His brain was too busy, too loud, the worst offender when everything else had finally settled down. He was used to that though, that had been a constant in his life for as long as he could remember. Focusing on his breathing was the best distraction he had right now, letting himself wind down from the stress that had kept him on edge all day long.

As he finally calmed down, it hit him just how exhausted he was. It was more than just wanting to sleep, it was something he felt to his very core, the need to take a break from everything, the need to escape in a way that he just couldn’t right now. He tried not to let that bother him though, he would accept any bit of relief he could get in this place. Exhaustion was so much better compared to the overwhelming weight he’d felt earlier.

***

By the time Zander came back into the room, Wren had fallen into a much needed sleep. Zander was just happy to see him relaxed, he couldn’t imagine spending a whole day feeling the way Wren had felt. He wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced what he had described, maybe to a lesser degree, but it sounded horrible.

He couldn’t help but notice his fingers, always covered in scrapes and scratches that Wren would pick at until he bled. He’d been going at it all day, Zander suspected he took advantage of the times he wasn’t watching him since he usually tried to make him stop. He didn’t know how to make him quit that for good, but he could at least take care of him now, hoping he was in a deep enough sleep to not wake up when Zander touched his hands.

He went back into the bathroom for a moment, grabbing some band aids before going back to Wren, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He was careful while he worked, not moving his hands more than necessary, just enough to get the bandages around his fingers. He’d practically destroyed the skin around his nails, Zander couldn’t imagine the constant discomfort that must’ve caused him. He hoped the band aids would help a little bit, or make him leave them alone long enough they healed. He doubted it would work, but he hoped for it anyway, hoped that Wren could escape even the smallest of pain.

Once he’d finished he practically collapsed next to Wren, ready to fall asleep beside him. He was tired, and sore, but really the only thing on his mind was Wren and that feeling he’d described, that hell he must’ve been in all day long. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for not noticing sooner, not doing anything to help earlier, but he hoped that now that he knew, he could help him in the future.

They suffered enough as it was, if he could help Wren get rid of any of that stress he felt, he was more than happy to do it.

#my writing #my oc's #wren #zander #cain #i've been overwhelmed all day so now that's wren's problem #i'm not even tagging this as whump it's just #vent fic i guess #i do feel better after writing it so that's nice #i want to lie down now

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dgcatanisiri · 4 years ago

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So... something kinda hit me abruptly and pushed me to feeling about ready to snap, so... Have a word vomit. Kinda feels like a greatest hits compilation of my “another angry queer rant” tag, but I need to get it out, so...

I know I’ve been over plenty about how I don’t feel represented even when I have something with gay representation. How I’d give dozens of Dorians and Iron Bulls to get even one run of Inquisition that properly has my male Inquisitor romance Cullen. How when I look at Mass Effect - this franchise that I love - I can only see how much it hates me for being a gay man who dares to seek content for me. How godawful it is that Gil’s story, a story that is explicitly a story centered on a gay man and the difficulties he faces BECAUSE of being gay, was written by a straight person who ABSOLUTELY does not GET. IT. And how fandom as an entity sucks, because so often it feels like the attitude of the people in it comes across as telling me that my desire to be represented in my media somehow comes in second to celebrating the advances solely for women, that my needs as a queer MAN (the emphasis usually theirs) are less important, because I can still see myself AS A MAN in other characters throughout media.

But... That doesn’t change the fact that this is a very real, very tangible THING for me to grapple with. And sometimes it feels like no one ever, EVER talks about this.

I mean, my go-to example is that after Inquisition dropped, you could not say A WORD in criticism of Dorian without people jumping down your throat, chomping at the bit to call you a homophobe for it. No matter what reason - but ESPECIALLY if you thought he was “too stereotypical” - you got hit with that label. Even if you were gay yourself, it was just your “internalized homophobia” that made you dislike him, or even being biased against the people who genuinely do lean in to the stereotypes, don’t they deserve representation too?!

Well, yeah. It’s not like I was saying they don’t. But that it’s a stereotype means it’s often still in media, still often THERE. It’s not always good representation, but it’s something. Meanwhile for those of us who AREN’T? It just meant further exclusion from the narratives. A continuation of our invisibility.

And sure, one queer character cannot represent every queer person, one individual who embodies one letter of the alphabet soup cannot be everything to everyone under that individual label. But, again, it still means that I don’t get to see myself.

If media representation is a life preserver, then I’m getting pulled out to sea while the lifeguards are busy with people who are closer to them than I am. Which, you can call it triage, cast the widest net to hope to get the most people, but when you’re one of those who are not even able to grab on to the net and use it to pull yourself closer, it’s not helping. And, because they’re focused on those who have grabbed on to the net, your struggle continues to be ignored.

Worse, sometimes they aren’t factoring you in the net they’re throwing (yes, I’m aware my metaphor is getting increasingly strained, just work with me here) because they think you’re not in the trouble they think others are - if you can “pass” as cishet, if you can exist without actively fearing for your safety, if you are the kind of person who can walk down the street and not expect to be harassed because you “present” gay, then you’re not as in need as those people who can’t, who are going to be threatened for existing while visibly queer.

But the truth is that you’re still suffering. I’m not gonna get in to the whole oppression Olympics nature of it all, but there is an element that those of us who “pass” as being “straight-acting” (and, for the record, I think these terms are bogus and bullshit, but I’m using them for the sake of simplicity in getting my message across, because I’m stream of consciousnessing this post instead of going to bed so you’re getting babble and word vomit so that this isn’t playing on a loop as I try and sleep) suffer that... I’m not going to say that it makes it worse, but it does have this level of SOMETHING that is a unique pain that you aren’t going to find from the people who are visibly and noticeably queer at a glance - it’s not just isolation, because this is something that you end up not talking about because no one around you realizes that you are queer, but also this voice in the back of your mind that starts questioning “are you REALLY queer? Are you queer ENOUGH?”

And that’s why it hurts that little bit more, is that much more a twist of the knife, when I see these people who push the “joke” of like “why did they even HAVE male Shepard?” or “the only way to play is as Kassandra.” Because it does reinforce this idea - that there is this attitude of this thing, this character that I was seeing as representation doesn’t matter. So that I take strength in that character, well, that’s just me latching on to REPRESENTATION AS A MAN, and we’re not here to protect your fragile masculine ego.

When all I’m looking for is a queer man like I am.

And sometimes, I don’t even feel like the other queer men I can look to get it. Like, there was that time about a year ago that I looked up issues of queer men in video games, and the three videos I found all got an “...and NOPE!” reaction from me - the first argued in math about how “queer people are a small portion of the population, we can’t realistically expect to be represented equally,” even though we’re talking about FICTION, which is, by definition, NOT reality, the second was clearly a cishet who compared not being represented as a queer person to not being represented as a Swedish person, and then a third who first had a thumbnail on a video of “good and bad representation” and Kaidan was the example of bad (so a negative mark against this video to begin with, but I was desperate), only to lead with Dorian as a good example, which... *vague motion above and at the “dorian critical” tag* I staunchly disagree with this stance.

Like... I have to struggle to think of who my role models in being a queer man are. It’s not just who fits my story, but who do I look up to, who inspires me. And, admittedly, the luster for any personal hero seems to inevitable wear off at this point, I’m in my early thirties, and most of the media I consume will have characters who are my age or younger PERIOD, so my queer heroes would have to be people I’d consider either peers or even someone who I am older than...

But then, that’s kinda the thing about being queer period - we lost a generation to AIDS, and for those who followed that generation, we’ve had to live in this world where our heroes don’t exist like us, while trying to pave the way for those who come after us, and who can’t conceive of what it is like to age - as in “go from adulthood to middle age to elder,” not just the matter of growing up from childhood to adulthood - and so even as they’re the one who we want to give all of this to... It still means we suffer because no one is there to offer US that hand.

And yet, try to explain this to media creators, and you get ignored or even shut down. Like, I about a year ago, I directly replied to tweet from Patrick Weekes, explaining how Inquisition failed me, how all bi LIs actually HELP me feel more represented as a queer person than the mix of sexualities that BioWare on the whole has said that they intend to do (re: the difference of LIs in DA2 and Dragon Age Inquisition). It got no response, not even a like to indicate that it’d been read by them. I could form in my head the response I’d have inevitably gotten from David Gaider when he still had an active Tumblr of what would amount to, nicest, “we cannot please everyone, enough people were moved by Dorian’s story to make it worthwhile, sorry.” Given some of my cynicism, I can’t help but believe that it would also have come with a “sorry you feel that way.” Particularly considering some of the comments he’s made about Cullen and Kaidan as LIs, both of whom being characters I connect to more than others in their respective games...

And like... Gaider is a gay man. Weekes is nonbinary. But they are from that generation who view being able to exist openly as queer as a revolutionary statement, which... It’s a statement I want to make, sure, but it’s not a revolutionary one to me - “existence” is the bare minimum. To me, focusing on existence as a queer person is to say that the queer character must justify existing as queer in order to be a part of the narrative. But what is revolutionary to me is to give the queer person a story in the narrative that has NOTHING to do with their queerness.

Like... Fantasy world here, Inquisition drops with Cullen and Cassandra as same-sex exclusive LIs, while every other aspect of their stories are the same. Women can’t romance Cullen, Men can’t romance Cassandra. Other than that, we have Cullen with his addiction/redemption arc and Cassandra not just struggling with her faith but even getting the chance to be Divine. Yes, fandom would FLIP. THE FUCK. OUT. But here’s what it says - the things that these characters go through in the course of the game are not defined by their sexuality. Hell, with these characters specifically, you get characters with MASSIVE relevance to queer stories that AREN’T exclusive to being queer - addiction is a real issue in queer communities, given how many of our safe spaces are bars or clubs, places where alcohol (and thus alcohol abuse) is easily obtained, and, by extension, drugs as well. Meanwhile, there are SCORES of queer people who struggle with the question of faith in the wake of their queerness manifesting.

THAT is revolutionary. To take these stories that straight people get all the time, that certainly have meaning as queer stories for the queer audience... And yet, when they go to these (hypothetically) queer characters, it has that subtext without making the story ABOUT their queerness, while still making it clear that, in this version of things, they are queer - players couldn’t pretend that it’s only in some parallel universe that they are queer, they would only be attracted to the same sex PC. THAT is revolutionary.

Or, y’know, take it back beyond BioWare for a little bit here - all the characters I feel the most connection to emotionally in TV shows are straight. All these men who are my role models only ever get shown being involved with women. At most, they’ll get queerbaited as MAYBE being queer, if you just keep watching! Inevitably, of course, they are not queer by the end of the show - the closest to date is the debacle that is Supernatural.

Yeah, there’s representation for ya.

And then there are those who end up looking at what I see as thoroughly inadequate and... They’re happy. They praise it. They look at this thing that hurts me, that excludes me, that can, when I’m in the bad headspaces, even make me question myself... And they have found something they like with it.

Which, for the record, good for them, genuinely and sincerely, I really am glad that someone is getting something out of this, but... Well, see above: life preserver, isolation, “sorry you feel that way.” Everyone else is getting what they needed, but what about me? When does my representation get to appear? Why am I always being left, scrounging for the scraps of the scraps? Why does other peoples’ representation always seem to get shoved to the front of the line, leaving me languishing in the back.

That’s the real thing about all of those lines of “if you don��t like it, go make your own!” At this point, even if I did manage to get something in my to-write folder cleaned up and ready to go, in reality... How am I supposed to feel like anyone other than me WOULD proceed to read it? That the audience would exist? Because... no one seems to care about this audience. Hell, how would I get anyone to publish it if it is only going to appeal to me?

I feel on the margins of the margins, where no one really cares. Hell, even here in my own blog, I feel afraid of backlash - I’ve had the assholes show up in response to like little brief comments that are off-the-cuff rambles, not worded in a way that makes them a full, detailed accounting, and either take them as evidence that I, personally, represent all that is wrong with fandom at large, or that I am a target for their trolling. Because saying that “I find the jokes about male Shepard not mattering to be diminishing of me as a queer person, can we please stop this?” is somehow not just lesbophobic, but VIOLENTLY lesbophobic. Or that saying that I don’t care that bad things happen to a fictional species is somehow advocating for violence against actual women. Or even explicitly calling out BioWare for lovingly lingering the camera on Miranda’s ass is slutshaming her. And of course, there are the assholes who responded to me saying on the BioWare Twitter announcement post for the Legendary Edition that, if it didn’t have a full trilogy male Shepard/Kaidan romance, I wasn’t buying it, and proceeded to a) call me entitled for it (like, read a dictionary, the very fact that I have to call for this content that doesn’t exist in the game proper is the OPPOSITE of entitlement...), b) tell me that I “shouldn’t deny [myself] a great story just because it doesn’t have gay people in it” and c) just generally be homophobic. Even in rolling with it on the basis of “the trolls are gonna show up period if you make it clear that you care about something, especially if you are trying to get representation for some group that is in the minority... It gets exhausting. It can be harmful. It makes it clear that you’re not welcome, even when you’re supposedly united by the fact that you and these people supposedly love the same piece of media.

I mean, among those examples, I’ve given the statements that inspired those responses no tags other than my own organizational tags, but SOMEHOW they find me anyway, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I got accused of like being another White Gay™ with this post, that I simply want to center the conversation wholly on myself at the expense of all other intersections of queerness and other identities or something for saying all of this, even though this is, and it says so from the start, a vent post, which, by definition, is centered on myself because it’s about me and my experiences and emotions. *sigh*

Anyway...

And, y’know, when BioWare actively refuses to even ACKNOWLEDGE that the absence of a full trilogy M/M romance option is a bad thing, it just ends up saying that the trolls are actually the audience they’re willing to court. That Supernatural ending with a brothers only focus that doesn’t even allow Cas to be mentioned other than offhandedly while suppressing ANY kind of emotional fallout to his admission of love says that they don’t care about the queer people who at the very least the actor was trying to be respectful and representative of. That every piece of media that says that to have a queer person in it, their presence must be explained and justified is saying that there needs to be a REASON for queerness, a reason that is not “because people are queer, and queer people come in as many stripes as cishet people, and so media should reflect that spectrum just as much.”

Even when the numbers of queer characters in media goes up, it doesn’t really move the needle. And that’s not even getting to the difficulties when you are any mix-and-match combo under the queer umbrella, or any other identity that intersects to marginalize someone in our society. It just...

Y’know, it doesn’t feel like “it gets better.” Rather it just feels like being stuck in position, just with a changing backdrop. Sure, things look different by the end of the day, but that doesn’t change that you’re not getting anywhere.

#dg gets personal #another angry queer rant

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rebelwheelssoapbox · 4 years ago

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Why I'm Voting For Biden (As An Activist On The Left)

Now, before I begin, despite what Trump likes to insinuate, Biden is not a part of The Left. And if this needs to be said, he has no connection to Antifa. Antifa, is not some dangerous terrorist group. It isn't even a group. It's a philosophy, that means you are anti-fa or anti-fascist.

[image description: colorful image based on a vintage ad. the background is a collage of floral images, but the main image is a field of flowers, with a blue sky of flowers. There is a vintage illustration of a young woman smiling, holding up a green bottle on the right. The text reads (top) "Fascism Is Bad". (lower left) "Nazis are fascists. Hitler was a fascist. Antifa ='s Anti-Fascist. Antifa is swell." Under the F in the word fascism on the top text, is a vertical white line that goes down the side of the image. Under the word swell, is a horizontal line that leads you to the image of the young women. Behind the young woman in the far right corner is a diagonal black square. ] So, I am not voting for Biden because I am on The Left, I am voting for him, in spite of the fact that I am on The Left. And believe me, Biden was not the one I was rooting for. I wanted Warren, Castro and Sanders to unite as The Unity 3, but the idea never took off.

[image description: a graphic featuring Elizabeth Warren, Julian Castro and Bernie Sanders. On top it reads : The Unity 3. Underneath their photos, the text reads “It’s time to come together”] And if I am to be honest, when I see videos of Bernie Sanders, it still breaks my heart because of what could have been. If you’re like me, you were angry when Biden joined the presidential race. I knew he would be a distraction from real progress, and he was. I mean, with the 4 years of massive protests across the nation, with the progress we made, with the #MeToo movement, this is what the old school democratic party have to offer? In the words of Bob Dylan Your old road is rapidly agin' Please get out of the new one If you can't lend your hand For the times they are a-changin' But they didn’t get out of the way. Part of me strongly feels that the old school corporate democrats (not to be confused with newer more activist-based democrats) are way too content to remain the lesser of the two evils. I am often convinced that the old school corporate democrats don’t actually want real change. And what about Tara Reade? The woman who said that Biden assaulted her. I can’t just ignore that or brush that under the rug. And yet today I filled out and sent my absentee ballot where I voted for Biden/Harris (under the Working Families party.) So, how did this happen?

[image description: photo of my absentee ballot, where I have filled in the circle next to Biden / Harris under the working families party] It was something I thought long and hard about. To say I felt immensely conflicted, is a huge understatement. Part of me was resistant to the idea. But I also know as an activist, that in the present state of the system, there is never a time where you can be truly pure with your ethics and activism. There are always hard choices to make. It’s crappy, but it’s what is, and to say otherwise is not living in our present reality. At best, we can do the least harm. Now, does this mean that another world is not possible? No. It is most definitely possible, but it’s going to take time. Does it mean that we should just settle for what the democratic party is offering us? No, but I do think that as activists, and people who want better for this country, we have to dig ourselves out of the current mess and pending sinkhole, which we are slowly sinking into, before we can work to change the system, so it’s a system for the people, not just for the few.

The way I see it, Biden is a ditch, Trump is a sinkhole, and it’s just easier to create change from a ditch, then from the depths of a sinkhole that has swallowed us whole, where we can’t even openly protest without federal troops attacking us (as they did in Portland, Oregon.) We saw what happened the moment Trump seemingly suddenly discovered the existence of the executive order button. That is just a taste of what is to come, if we don’t defeat Trump. I hate that we’re in this mess, and I greatly resent the options, but this is where we are at. And I know, for myself, the idea that I somehow stayed true to my ethics and beliefs, will not comfort me nor my community, nor the other marginalized communities, when we are neck deep in fascism. That’s the truth of it. So let me say this. You don’t have to feel excited to vote for Biden. You can even be immensely conflicted, and vote for Biden. I am voting for Biden because I feel that if Trump wins, we will have a fascist dictator running this country. And that is terrifying. As a fellow activist recently said, it is much easier to quell and dismantle fascism when it’s at the start, then it is when it’s full on in power. I know some people who don’t like it when I really speak my mind on this particular issue, as they are scared that I am going dissuade people from voting for Biden. Like I am somehow obligated to sell it to people. I sometimes feel this social pressure to portray myself as more excited about voting for Biden than I am. And I get the fear. A lot of us are afraid for the future, and we are all dealing with it in different ways, so I am not disparaging people’s coping mechanisms. And maybe in a way, in the name of avoiding full on fascism, we do need to “sell it”, but I am not going to do so in a way that is not authentic. And so, I will leave things with the words of Bernie who is planning on voting for Biden, despite the fact that Biden is certainly not his first choice.

youtube

[image description: A video thumbnail showing Bernie Sanders next to Joe Biden. The text reads Listen to Bernie. The background is a collage of various images like windmills and possibly the sun - not sure what that is to be honest. In the upper right hand corner, it reads Really American] P.S My grandparents lost a lot of family back in the day in Austria & Poland when the Nazis rose to power. I don’t even know how many people we lost, as it was too painful for them to talk about, so we didn’t. So, I’ll be damned if I don’t fight the rise of fascism in 2020.

#voting #voting for biden #leftist voting #why I am voting for biden #crip the vote #disabled voter #disabled writer #disabled activist #biden harris #bernie sanders #elizabeth warren #andrew yang #Julian Castro #pete buttigieg

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m0etenchandon · 5 years ago

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First Time (reader x virgin!Joe smut)

Pairing: Female reader x Joe Mazzello Summary: You always sit together in class, but your friendship never extended past the four walls of the lecture hall. So, when Joe finally musters up the courage to ask you to hang out, you take your shot. You have pizza, try to watch a movie, and finally show him what he´s been missing out on Warnings: SMUT (18+ only), virgin!Joe, blowjob, premature ejaculation, fingering, pussy eating, unprotected sex, creampie A/N: This is my 2,000 followers celebration! Thank you guys so so much, I don´t know what I would do without you. I love you all! So to thank you, here is some soft virgin Joe smut Word count: 6K

Gif credit to @mazzelloplots

This is pure filth and you are not allowed to read it if you´re under 18. I will block you if I catch minors interacting with this story.

You met Joe the first proper day of Uni. He had stumbled through the door a few minutes late, spotted the first available seat and made a beeline. Fortunately for you, it was the one next to yours. At first you were annoyed. You had hoped you could get some space, especially since it was first thing in the morning, but when you met his gaze your heart made a little flip. It wasn’t necessarily love at first sight, but he was cute. Very cute. His auburn hair was all messy from him having probably just woken up and there was a hint of some light stubble covering his jaw.

Joe was his name. He didn´t introduce himself so you had to peak at his notepad to find it. Joseph Mazzello.

You didn´t talk the first day, but he gave you a soft smile at the end of the lecture. The next day he asked to borrow a pencil. And after that he asked you for the answer to one of the questions. And then a joke which was actually funny. You could never forget the proud smile on his face when you laughed at it. That and his New York accent.

You always sat together and quickly became good friends. But inside of the classroom only.

“Hey Y/N?”, Joe said when you started packing up your notebook and your laptop. It was a Friday and you were eager to get home. Netflix and the wine in your mini-fridge were calling your name.

“Yeah”, you said, shooting him a smile. A blush crept onto his cheeks. God he was too cute. You were absolutely smitten. It was unfair really.

“I-I wanted to ask you if you uhm- I want to- shit I´m sorry”, he mumbled, eyes panicked.

“Joe! Relax”, you giggled, reaching out to grab his arm. It felt firm under your grasp and you had to properly concentrate on not squeezing to feel his bicep.

“Right. Sorry. Uhm- I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime?”, Joe asked. His eyes met yours momentarily before shying away and staring at his feet.

“I would love to, Joe”, you said, a stupid smile plastered on your face. You scribbled your dorm number down on a piece of paper and put it in his hand. “Come around mine tonight at 8”

You walked home with a spring in your step. It wasn´t a date, or maybe it was, but at least it was a start. You really liked him. Whether or not he liked you too was a mystery though. He might just be shy around everyone, right? You hadn´t really see him talk to anyone else, but he answered lots of questions in class and often made them funny. It was strange really how he could go from being the class clown to struggle to ask you one simple question.

You decided to not dwell on it further and unlocked the door to your dorm. There was a note on your side of the room from your roomie. She was going home for the weekend. Thank god. Not that you didn´t like her but it was so refreshing to have the room completely to yourself. Also, it meant that you and Joe wouldn’t get interrupted.

Deciding you were going to order pizza for when Joe came over, you just popped a few slices of bread in the toaster and decided that would have to do for now. You picked up your dirty clothes and made the room all pretty. You didn´t want him to see how messy you really were. At least not right away.

There was a knock at the door at exactly 8pm. Ok this was happening. You felt your pulse increase. You looked over your room one final time. The pillows and blankets on your bed looked very inviting next to your open laptop with Netflix on.

“Hi”, you said when you swung the door open. Joe had put on a sweater that made him look so soft. And cute.

“Hey, Y/N”, Joe answered. He gave you a lopsided smile and took a step into your room. You could see him taking it in, making you oddly nervous.

“So, do you want to watch a movie? I have ordered a pizza for us”, you said, plopping down onto the bed. It wasn´t the biggest bed, but it could fit two people if necessary. And it just meant that you had to sit closer which you definitely weren´t complaining about.

“Oh I thought we were going to study”, Joe said. A pink blush rushed up his cheeks as he gestured to his bookbag.

“It´s a Friday night, Joe”, you giggled, waving him over. “Come here you nerd”

Joe gave you a nervous smile and dropped his bag before heading over to you. It really was a bit of a squeeze to fit you both. You could feel warmth radiating from his thigh over to yours and the way his arm felt firm against yours.

“What do you want to watch then?”, he asked, desperately trying to ignore the tension in the air. You always sat together, just never this close.

“What about this one?”, you said, pointing to the thumbnail of a horror movie. You could feel Joe tense up next to you.

“Uhm what about a comedy instead?”

“Oh don´t tell me you´re scared, Joe”, you laughed. “I´ll protect you don´t worry”

Joe sighed and let you start it.

You regretted it after about 30 minutes because you were both scared shitless. Joe was biting down on his nails, trying to avoid looking at the screen but at the same time not wanting you to know how scared he actually was.

When the main character was chased down a hallway by a guy with a chainsaw, you closed the computer. Not exactly the type of mood you wanted to set.

“Let´s not watch that anymore”, you said, throwing it to the side. You turned to Joe just in time to watch him let out a sigh of relief. The look on his face almost making you melt.

“What should we do instead?”, he asked.

Your eyes fell on his lips as he spoke, and you could immediately feel the tension turn into lust. This was your chance. You could just ask him and get it over with. If he didn’t like you back then fuck it, you could probably get over him. But you needed to know.

“We could kiss”, you suggested, your voice barely above a whisper. But Joe caught it though. His eyes went wide as he stared at you, his mouth falling open slightly. Shit.

“I mean it´s just an option, we don´t have to if you don´t want to. I get it if you only see me as a friend”, you mumbled rapidly. Shit you had messed up.

“No no, I-I want to”, Joe said after a while, taking your hands in his. His long fingers wrapped around your palms, his thumb soothing the skin. It felt warm. The butterflies in your stomach went crazy.

You closed your eyes and leant in, drawing in a breath as you felt his warmth when you moved closer. You stopped just before your lips met his and stopped, wanting him to take the final step. He did. Joe closed the distance between you and pressed his lips to yours. They were soft. Slightly chapped. A wave of warmth spread across your entire body, making your heart flutter.

The kiss was interrupted by a knock on the door. Shit. The pizza.

Joe pouted when you pulled back, his lips pink and puffy. You couldn´t resist. You leant in and pressed another peck to his mouth before moving off the bed. He shifted in his seat and ran his fingers through his hair. Trying to take a deep breath to compose himself.

As soon as you opened the door you could smell the delicious pizza. You hadn´t realized just how hungry you were before now.

“Pizza for Y/N”, the delivery girl said, giving you a kind smile.

“Yes, thank you so much”

You fished out the money along with some tip and thanked her again as she handed you the pizza.

“Smells so good”, Joe said as you closed the door. You half- groaned in agreement and made your way over to him. You sat the pizza down between you and sat crossed legged in front of him.

“So you actually intended this to be a study-date?”, you asked, taking a slice into your mouth and moaning at the taste. It was delicious.

“To be completely honest, I just brought them because I didn´t want you to think that I thought it was a date-date”, he said, blushing.

“Aw you´re so cute, Joe”, you giggled, nudging his knee with your own. “I wanted it to be a date-date”

Joe nearly choked on his pizza. His eyes went wide.

“Really?”, he questioned.

“Of course! I like you, Joe. Why did you think I kissed you?”, you gushed. The deep-red blush that painted his cheeks were enough to have you swoon.

“I don´t know, I haven´t really uhm- I haven´t really kissed that many girls”, Joe admitted. He looked away as he spoke, picking up another slice of pizza and eating it in three large bites. Yep. He was definitely from New York.

“I don´t care, Joe”, you said, giving him a grin once he finally met your eyes again, “And for the record, I couldn´t tell”

“Oh. Well that´s good I guess. Thank you”, he said, wiping his hands on his thighs. Joe paused for a second to look up at you. He seemed nervous all of a sudden again. “Do-does that mean we can do it again?”

“Mhm”, you smiled, moving the half-empty pizza box out of the way. You perched yourself on your knees and leant in. Joe met you on the half-way, his lips melting against yours. You could feel your stomach churn with excitement, his slight stubble igniting the tingles in your panties.

Joe had apparently gotten a surge of confidence, because he pushed his tongue into your mouth, his hands grasping your sides and pulling you into his lap. A gasp left your mouth as you felt the bulge under your crotch. You placed your legs on either side of his body and deepened the kiss. Your hands slid around his head to pull at the hair in the nape his neck, causing Joe´s mouth to fall open against yours.

You took the opportunity to trail your lips across his jaw and down to nibble at his ear lobe. Joe´s grasp on your waist tightened.

“Do you like that, Joe?”, you cooed, pulling at it with your teeth. His breath stifled in his throat.

You smirked against his skin, moving your lips down to suck at his pulse-point. You took his fair skin into your mouth, marking him up. A strangled moan escaped his mouth.

You pulled back to eye your masterpiece, a smirk pulling at your lips at the light purple bruise.

Joe looked absolutely fucked out. His eyes were hooded in pleasure and his lips puffy from kissing. A thin layer of sweat covering his forehead. Huh. Already. That was quick. This was going to be fun.

You made a tentative thrust of your hips, dragging your clothed heat over his crotch. Joe´s eyes shot open in surprise, his fingers digging into your sides. He was already rock hard.

“You´re so hard already”, you said, cocking your head. You grinded down again, seeing his breath hitch in his throat. A vein popping out on his forehead.

“Shit I´m so sorry, Y/N”, Joe said. He tried half-heartedly to push you away. “I-I uhm, I can´t. Fuck I can´t control it”

You giggled at his innocence. God he was cute. So innocent.

“There´s nothing to be sorry about, Joe. I´m flattered”, you said, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips.

You slid your hands down his chest to pull at his sweater.

“I need you to stop me if you don´t want to do this. If you´re not comfortable then we won´t do anything”, you warned, tapping your fingers against his skin.

Joe´s eyes went even wider as he desperately shook his head. He grabbed your hands and pushed them further down towards his crotch. A yelp left his mouth as your fingers grazed over his erection when you were grabbing his shirt.

“Fucking hell”, Joe muttered under his breath, leaning forward to let you pull the sweater off his body. His chest was lightly littered with hair, his pecks and stomach soft.

“I love your body, Joe”, you cooed. You leant down to press your lips to his chest, your fingers sliding down his torso to rest against the waistline of his jeans. His cock was straining against the material, his pulse increasing as you were inches away from where he found himself so desperately wanting you.

“Please”, he whined, hips thrusting up to meet your touch.

You giggled and moved your body down his thighs. You reached out to play with the button of his jeans, letting your fingers graze lightly over his bulge.

“Please what, Joe?”, you teased, looking up to meet his desperate eyes.

“Can you please touch me, Y/N? I need it so bad”, he begged.

You hummed in amusement before leaning down. You pressed your lips against the soft curves of his stomach while your fingers popped the button of his jeans. Joe´s tummy was rising and falling rapidly under you, small whimpers leaving his mouth as your fingers grazed his cock while sliding the zipper down. You looked up at him to check if you could keep going before moving your lips down. Placing a kiss on the waist-band of his briefs, his cock twitched in anticipation just below where you were touching him.

There was a small dark stain on the material where the head of his cock laid. He was visibly throbbing, causing your mouth to water.

You hooked your fingers into the waist of his jeans and boxers and tugged at them. His cock was pressed down as you pulled the material down his thighs, before springing up and hitting his stomach with a loud thud. It was heavy and large, a prominent vein running up the underside. The head glistening with pre-cum.

Joe looked down at you with lust in his eyes, his hands gripping the sheets beside his body.

“Your cock is so pretty, Joe”, you cooed, reaching out to run a finger all the way down his shaft. You pressed against the vein, watching as it twitched underneath you. Joe cursed underneath his breath, biting down on his bottom lip.

“I uh- Shit I have to tell you something”, Joe said, grabbing your hand to stop you from touching him again. You cocked your head, giving him a sweet smile. You had a sneaking suspicion what he was going to tell you, but you needed to hear him say it.

“Go ahead”, you said, squeezing his hands.

“This is really embarrassing but I feel like you need to know, this is my first time. Ever. Like, doing anything”, he said, eyes fleeting away from yours. A deep red blush crept onto his cheeks and chest. Hmm. Yep. That´s what you thought.

“It doesn´t matter to me, Joe. As long as you want to keep going, I want to too”, you said. You tapped the back of his hands to force him to look at you.

“God I want to”, Joe moaned, letting go of your hands. He drew in a sharp breath when you placed them on his hips. Just beside his throbbing cock. “I just want you to know that I don´t really know what I´m doing. Everything I know is from porn”

You giggled and leant up to press a kiss to his lips. Mostly to stop his rambling but also because he was really cute and awkward right now. Joe moaned softly into your mouth, his lips following you as you pulled away. His eyes closed. Wanting more. And that was exactly what you were going to give him.

“I´m going to take such good care of you, Joe. Just sit back and relax”, you whispered, moving down his body again.

You caught his eyes as you leant down. You blew hot air onto the head of his cock, humming in amusement as it jumped. Joe´s knuckles were already going white from how hard he was fisting the sheets.

“Ready?”, you asked, ghosting your lips over his tip.

“Please”, Joe whimpered, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

You smirked before licking a bold stripe from the base of Joe´s cock all the way to the tip. It jumped up to meet your mouth as your tongue swirled the string under the head. A steady stream of salty pre-cum leaked from the slit, and Joe yelled out in pleasure when you licked it all up.

You wrapped your hand around the base before pursing your lips and slowly taking the head into your mouth. It felt warn and soft, the salty taste covering your lips.

“Fuck that feels- oh my god I can´t believe this is happening”, Joe rambled, thrusting his hips to meet your touch.

You squeezed his shaft harder and hummed around the tip, letting your tongue press against the underside of the head. Your eyes were locked on his as you took him further into your mouth, sucking just a little bit harder until- oh. A salty liquid shot out of the slit, coating your mouth and causing you to lift an eyebrow. Ok. That was fast.

“Shit I´m so sorry I couldn´t- oh my god ah it feels so good”, Joe moaned. His back arched off the wall, his hips moving up against his mouth as he emptied himself. His cock throbbed in your hand as you guided him through his high, milking out every last drop of cum.

You pulled off him and sat down on his thighs again, opening your mouth to show him his own load. Joe´s eyes were droopy as he watched you swallow, cursing under his breath when you opened it again. All gone. The salty liquid slid down your throat.

“Hmm, I´d appreciate it if you warned he next time”, you said, a playful smirk pulling at your lips. You reached up to wipe the sweat off his forehead before pressing your lips to it. You moved off his lap and sat down next to Joe, pulling out the pizza and reaching for a slice. Cum wasn´t something you wanted to taste for much longer.

“I´m really sorry, Y/N. I didn´t mean to do that it just felt too good and I tried to hold back but I couldn´t and fuck I´m sorry I didn´t want to ruin this”, Joe rambled, pulling a pillow into his lap to cover his softening cock.

You giggled and offered Joe the last slice, grinning when he looked up at you for a split second before grabbing it. He groaned slightly at the delicious taste. He needed the energy.

“It´s fine, Joe. It happens. I just need you to tell me when you´re close so I can stop or slow down”, you said.

“I´m sorry”, Joe repeated. He threw his head back against the wall in embarrassment. His Adam´s apple bobbed when he swallowed the pizza.

“We´ll work on it. There´s no need to apologize”, you smiled, nudging his knee with yours. “But first, I´m going to enjoy this pizza”

“So we can try that again?”, Joe asked. He bit off another piece of the pizza, his eyes trained on where you did the same. They darkened as you licked your lips.

“I was thinking we could try something else, but yeah. If you want to of course”

A grin spread over his face, his lips curling around the food inside his mouth.

“I want to. Very much so. I´m not sure I can go again right away though”, Joe said. He swallowed the last piece of his pizza.

“I know. That´s why we´re having a pizza break. And, I also need you to get me ready first. That cock of yours won´t fit inside if you don´t”, you said, smirking when you saw Joe´s eyes grow wide. His gaze fell on your boobs before trailing down to your covered heat.

“Uhm do you want me to? Can I touch you? There?”, he stuttered, eyes meeting yours again. You chuckled before wiping your mouth. Joe drew in a harsh breath when you wrapped your hands around his neck and pulled him towards you, removing his pillow in the process.

You laid down on the bed and pulled him with you, wrapping your legs around his naked waist. His teeth clenched against yours as he settled himself between your legs, both of you giggling into the others mouth. Joe tasted like pizza. Delicious.

“Ca-can I?”, Joe muttered against your lips, whining as his sensitive cock grazed against your inner thigh. He slid one of his hands down your side to your waist, squeezing slightly before moving down to the hem of your shirt. His fingers felt warm on your skin.

“Of course, you can”, you said. You lifted your back off the mattress to allow Joe to slide the material off your body. He drew in a harsh breath when he saw your boobs in that lacy bra you had put on – just in case.

“Do you like it, Joe?”, you teased, smirking at the way he couldn´t pry his eyes away from your chest. “Or-“, you trailed your hand down your own neck, over your boobs before sliding back to the clasp of your bra. “Would you rather me take it off?”

“Off, definitely off”, Joe rambled. His eyes met yours for a brief second before they fell on your boobs again as you unhooked it. You shuddered as air hit your stiff nipples.

You grabbed Joe´s hand and slid it up your body, your fingers urging him to squeeze. He did. Ever so slightly, as if he was afraid he would hurt you. You giggled and moved his hand, pinching his fingers over your nipple. You arched into his touch, a low moan falling from your lips. This gave Joe some confidence apparently, because he looked up to gauge your expression before pulling at the nub a little. Another moan.

“Your hands are so big Joe”, you whined, squirming under his touch, “Feels so good”

“Can I kiss them?”, Joe asked, subconsciously leaning down. As if there was a magnet between his face and your boobs.

You nodded, burying your fingers in his auburn hair, urging him closer. His lips met the soft curve of your breast, his breath hot on your sensitive skin. Joe looked up at you as he moved his lips, pressing a kiss to the area just beside your nipple. His hand cupping the other breast. You could feel his cock harden against your leg, his hips moving against yours on reflex.

Joe hesitated for a moment before wrapping his lips around your nipple. He flicked his warm tongue over the nub before sucking it into his mouth. You moaned and pulled at his hair, feeling tingles go straight to your heat. Absolutely drenching your panties.

“I-I´m going to need you to move on, Joe. Feels way too good”, you whined, pushing him away from your chest. You were throbbing with need.

“Really?”, he asked, a confident smirk playing on his lips. Well, at least until he looked down your torso to your still clothed bottom half. “You´re uhm- You´re going to have to tell me what to do”

“Don´t worry, I´ll guide you through it”, you said with a smile, pulling him up for a kiss before grabbing a pillow and propping it under your torso so you could see down on your lap. “Start by taking my jeans off”

Joe nodded, scooching down and reaching up to unbutton your jeans. He pulled the zipper down while holding his breath, eyes going wide as he saw the matching lace panties you had put on.

You lifted your hips to let him hook his fingers into the waistband. Joe´s eyes nearly bulged out of his head as you told him to take your panties off to, inch by inch of your bare pussy exposed to him as he pulled them down his legs.

“Fucking hell”, Joe whined, desperately trying not to palm his cock as you were naked in front of him. You spread your legs, watching him draw in a harsh breath.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”, you asked. Joe nodded frantically before plopping down on his stomach between your legs. Oh. His head was really close. You could feel his hot breath.

“Definitely”

“Ok, uhm do you want to use your mouth or just your fingers?”, you asked, not really knowing how much you were going to teach him the first time.

“Both”, Joe said. He was determined, you had to give him that. Ok then.

“Eager, are we?”, you giggled, reaching down to run your thumb over his lip. He pressed a kiss to it, shooting you a wink. “Push your middle finger into me, yeah, right there”

Joe´s finger felt amazing sliding against your walls, your breathing already increasing.

“Oh god”, you whined, throwing your head back. “Another one. Curl them upwards”

He nodded before sliding his ring finger in as well. His digits were thick, strong. God you swear you could have cum right then and there. A rush of pleasure shot up your body as he curled them, somehow hitting your g-spot at the first try. You drew in a sharp breath and reached down to stop his hand, keeping his hand in place until you had calmed down just a little bit. Your chest rising and falling.

“What´s wrong?”, Joe asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Nothing. I just need a moment”, you said, breathing heavily. God how was he this good without even having any experience?

Joe grinned, obviously proud of himself.

“Uhm, ok if you want to, you can start kissing the inside of my thighs. Just keep your fingers still for a little while”

“Ok. I can do that”, Joe said. He leant down to press his lips to the apex of your thighs. Oh. That was nice. A rush of electricity shot up your body. Goosebumps forming on your skin. Joe´s stubble rubbing in the most delicious way possible.

“Yeah that feels very good”, you moaned, trying not to move your hips too much “Just keep kissing. Do you know where the clit is?”

“Here?”, Joe asked, pressing a kiss to the hood of your clit. A gasp left your mouth. Yep. That was it. You nodded, earning a cocky grin from Joe. He pressed his lips against it, adding a little more pressure.

“Fucking hell. I uhm- just keep kissing my clit, take turns licking too. I don´t know, my brain doesn´t seem to be working right now. I´ll tell you if it feels weird”, you rambled on, feeling the vibrations from Joe´s chuckle through your body. Your neck almost cramping up with how hard you were straining to look.

“Oh ok. Like this?”, Joe asked, flicking his tongue over the sensitive nub. Your walls clamped down on his fingers, already feeling the knot in your stomach start to tighten.

Joe took your loud moan as a yes and kept going. He alternated between flicking his tongue over your clit in fast moves, pressing small kisses to it and the surrounding areas in between.

“You taste really good. I haven´t tasted anything like it”, Joe mumbled, his words almost muffled by your pussy. “And I can´t actually believe I´m doing-“

“Less talking more licking, Joe”, you said, growing inpatient. You were so close.

“Right. Sorry”, he giggled, leaning back down. “Do you want me to move my fingers again?”

“God yes. Just rub them against the front”, you instructed, gasping when Joe did just that. He watched in awe as you threw your head back in pleasure. Your orgasm was rapidly approaching, the tight knot almost becoming unbearable as Joe wrapped his lips around your clit again. He sucked it into his mouth while working your g-spot with his fingers.

Short puffs of air were leaving your lungs as you inched closer and closer to your high. Joe´s surprisingly skillful fingers urging you forward. His hips grinding into the mattress, the view of him all fucked out and with his lips wrapped around your clit almost too much to bear.

“I-I´m going to, holy fuck- I´m going to cum”, you whined, tugging at his hair even harder. Your fingernails digging into his scalp.

Joe nodded against your heat, sucking your clit harder, rubbing your g-spot faster. There was no way you were going to be able to hold back. Your orgasm washed over you like tidal wave, almost knocking all the air out of your lungs. It felt like a rubber band snapped in your pussy, your walls clenching around his digits, clit twitching in Joe´s mouth.

He watched intently as you came down, fingers guiding your through your high.

“Oh my god you- shit it´s too much”, you half yelled, pulling his face away from your heat. Joe apologized, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh before retracting his fingers. He brought them to his lips and licked them clean, earning a groan from the bottom of your throat.

“That was so hot, Y/N”, Joe mumbled, looking down at how wet you were. How your clit was still twitching with aftershocks. His cock begging for attention.

“You´re good at that, Joe. Are you sure you haven´t done it before?”, you giggled, pulling him up to your face. His lips tasted faintly of your juices, his hard cock digging into your thigh.

“Positive”

“Are you sure you want to do this? We can stop here if it´s getting too much”, you said, running your fingers along his jaw.

“I really want to, Y/N. I´m so fucking hard again”, he half-wined.

“Hmm, I can feel that. Do you have any condoms?”

“Yeah hold on”, Joe said, scrambling out of the bed. He walked over to where his jeans were discarded and reached for his wallet. There was a deep flush covering his chest and face, his cock standing at full attention. Red and dripping with pre-cum.

“Shit”, he mumbled, reading the label of the condom he fished out. “It´s out of date”

Joe went bright red, desperately wishing he had just said he had none.

“God you´re so cute, Joe”, you giggled, making grabby hands at him, “I already know you´re a virgin, I´m not going to judge you. Besides, I´m clean so we can go without if you want to? If not, you´re going to have to run to the store”

“Really? Holy shit I want that”, Joe groaned, his cock twitching in anticipation. He made his way over to you, positioning himself between your legs again.

“Just slide in whenever you´re ready, and then let me adjust for a few seconds, ok?”, you asked, running your fingers up and down his arms to try and calm his nerves. Joe nodded, grabbing his cock and running it through your folds. You shuddered at the sensation.

He looked down as he pushed in, watching your pussy swallow him inch by inch. Your juices slicking him up and allowing him to slide in easily. He let out a loud groan as he bottomed you out, his head falling into your neck.

You tried to remain composed, knowing that you were the one who was supposed to be experienced, but it just felt so good. He filled you up just right, your walls clenching around him as you adjusted. Stretching you in a way that sent goosebumps over your entire skin, tingling with pleasure. You wrapped your arms around him, digging your nails into his fair skin.

“C-Can I move? I don´t know how much longer I can hold it”, Joe moaned, his hip stuttering slightly. The mere feeling of your walls contracting around him enough to push him right up to the edge.

“Y-yes”, you said, feeling Joe pull back the second the words left your mouth. He moaned into your neck as he pushed back inn, feeling your warm pussy engulfing him. The wetness creating an obnoxious sound, filling the room.

Joe´s back was sweaty and hot under your fingertips. He sped up slightly, his breathing increasing.

“A-are you close?”, you asked, wrapping your legs around his waist. It allowed him to go even deeper, Joe´s hips stuttering.

He nodded into your neck, not trusting his words. He made the mistake of looking down to see your wet pussy wrapped around his cock, causing a desperate yelp to leave his mouth.

“Slow down, Joe”, you said, wanting this to last longer even though you knew it wouldn´t. You wish you could spend the entire evening like this. Joe´s cock buried deep inside, nudging you towards your high with every thrust. Pleasure filling your entire body.

“I-I”, he tried, whimpering, “I can´t hold it. I´m gonna cum”

You clenched around him, feeling his cock twitch inside.

“Holy shit that doesn´t help, Y/N”, Joe moaned, closing his eyes as he tried to hold back.

Joe was moaning into your neck, his hips moving against yours at a frantic pace. His balls felt heavy, your walls practically forcing his orgasm out of him.

“It´s ok, Joe. You can cum. Cum for me”, you urged, pushing him further inside with the heels of your feet.

Joe stilled as you pushed him over the edge, spurt after spurt of hot cum shooting out to coat your walls. He bit down on your shoulder, trying to conceal the high-pitched whine that wanted to leave his throat.

You stroked his back through his high, feeling his body go limp after he was done. He slumped down on your chest. His softening cock resting against your inner thigh, his cum sticky against your skin. Not to mention the puddle that was currently sliding out of your pussy.

“You´re not a virgin anymore”, you giggled, running your fingers through his hair. He giggled against his skin before pressing his lips to your neck.

“Thank you. Should I be thanking you? I feel like I´m high right now. That was so fucking good I can´t believe how amazing it was. You were so tight and so wet and so oh god I just loved it”, Joe mumbled. He pulled back and rested his chin on your chest, looking up at you. His hair matted to his forehead. His cheeks red.

“There´s no need to thank me. I wanted to Joe. Remember, I was the one who invited you over”

“Right.. did you cum too?”, he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

You smiled, reaching down to move his hair out of his face.

“No, but it doesn´t matter. I wasn´t expecting too”, you said, completely honest.

“Was it that bad?”, Joe questioned, but the tone in his voice gave away the fact that he didn´t really want to know the answer.

“No”, you giggled, “I don´t have to cum for it to feel good. You did good. I´m not complaining”

“Oh ok. I can eat you out again if you want to?”, he suggested.

“Relax, Joe. We have the entire weekend. We can go again later”, you giggled. You leant down to press a quick kiss to his lips.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Let´s get cleaned up and watch another movie and if we still feel like it, we can go again”, you said with a smile.

“I´d like that”

“Good. Maybe this time you will warn me before shooting your cum down my throat”, you teased, pushing him off you and heading for the bathroom to get cleaned up.

“Hey! You told me it was fine”, he protested. You turned around to give him a wink before turning the corner. Joe did the next time. And the time after that.

Masterlist

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#my writing #joe mazzello #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello x reader smut #joe mazzello smut #joe mazzello fluff #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello fan fiction #smut #college joe mazzello #virgin joe mazzello #male virgin #borhap #borhap smut #borhap imagine #queen #queen smut #queen imagine #fan fiction

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twdeadfanfic · 6 years ago

Text

It’s a dog’s life Pt.7

*Summary: The reader is new and alone at the quarry’s camp, the only one she has is her dog, who seems to be best friends with Daryl Dixon, a not so friendly man, but that friendship will bring the reader closer to Daryl, finding that there’s more to Daryl than what you can see at first glance…besides, he’s pretty hot at first glance, isn’t him?

*Slow burn, both reader and Daryl’s pov, violence and language twd style.Follows the events of season 1 and 2.

*3708 words

*Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Chapters: 6/14

*Link to my masterlist with my other works can be found on the description of this blog. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but tumblr doesn’t show posts with links in the tags

We’re halfway through this fic! Last chapter Sophia went missing and reader was feeling not her best. We’re going to dive into Daryl’s mind now...

...................................................................................................................

Daryl paced furiously in the woods near the road, grunting as he kicked a tree in frustration. They had been all day looking for Sophia and not only hadn't they found the little girl they had almost lost the other kid too. A strange girl in a horse had shown up out of nowhere, saying Carl had been shot by accident and Rick and Shane were with him on her farm, and then she had taken Lori with her. It had been decided everybody else would be joining them in the morning, so they'd made some signs and gotten some food ready in case Sophia came back looking for them. Daryl didn't want to leave but he also knew they couldn't keep staying at that intersection, and anyway the farm wasn't far, he could keep looking for Sophia from there. He had just come back from looking for her with Andrea and Y/N. He had been trying to sleep but he couldn't with Carol crying quietly, seeming so broken, so he had gotten up to keep looking. Y/N and Andrea hadn’t been able to sleep either and they had joined him, but they had come back without Sophia once again, much to Carol’s despair. Daryl wondered if she was starting to lose hope. He had to find that little girl, but truth be told, he had lost the trail and hadn’t found any signal of her.

He kicked the tree again and heard a whine coming from behind him. He turned around and found Cole looking at him.

“What you doing out here, uh?”

Daryl murmured, approaching the dog and patting his head as he looked around. If Cole was there then Y/N probably too. He heard a rustle and there she was, walking towards him as she looked around, clutching the gun he had given her. Shane had tried to take it away when for some reason he decided some of them couldn’t carry guns, but Daryl hadn’t had nothing of that.

“We could ask you the same.” She holstered the gun when she reached him. “Are you going to look for Sophia again? Want me to go with you?”

“Nah, let’s go back.”

Daryl didn’t like the idea of Sophia spending the night in the woods again, it was dangerous, but he knew there was no point trying to find tracks at night when he hadn’t found anything yet. Sophia would hide somewhere and then he’ll find her in the morning. He had to.

He fought the strange urge to place a hand on Y/N’s back to walk her through the trees and to the road. He didn’t know why he felt like that sometimes when they were walking together and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. It could be maybe for all the small, comforting touches he got from Y/N, a hand on his shoulder or on his arm when she seemed to think he was feeling down. At first he had flinched at them, out of instinct and awkwardness, but not anymore. He kind of liked it now, and Daryl wasn’t sure of how that made him feel either.

“I’m gonna take watch.” Daryl told Dale once they reached the RV, the man had been on watch the whole night.

“You sure?” Came Dale’s voice from the RV roof.

“You wanna sleep or not, old man?” Daryl grumbled.

“Mean.” Y/N pocked his arm, but he knew by the tone of her voice that she was mostly kidding.

Once Dale was down the roof, Daryl climbed up the ladder, noticing Y/N climbing behind him. He thought about telling her to go to sleep, but if she had set her mind on keeping watch too, then she wouldn’t listen. Dale had a chair there but Daryl sat down on the roof, leaving the chair for Y/N. She ignored it too, though, sitting down next to him. Cole looked at them from the ground, yawning and deciding to lie down, probably to wait for them to go down with him.

“You should be sleeping.” He finally said to Y/N.

“Don’t think I can…” She whispered back.

Daryl knew she had been feeling down. At first he had thought she was still shaken and scared after hiding from that group of walkers, and also worried about Sophia, but now he wasn’t sure. She had been quiet since last night, unusually quiet, nothing like her normal self. She didn’t participate while he and the others made plans for Sophia’s search, she didn’t join the conversations, she had been walking at the rear of the group all the times, talking with none, even when there had only been Daryl, her and Andrea. Daryl didn’t know what was on her mind but it worried him. He wanted to know it so maybe he could help her, just the same way he wanted to protect her and keep her safe.

He still didn’t know why he felt like that about her and he still didn’t know if he liked it or not, but truth was he couldn’t help it, no matter how much he fought it. When those walkers had approached, all he could think was to keep her and the dog safe. Sure, he wouldn’t want any of the others to be bitten or anything, but with Y/N it felt like an alarm was blasting in his head until he was sure she was safe. It was annoying and it was scary. Daryl guessed it meant they were friends. He felt Y/N cared about him too, it seemed like that. He didn’t know how long it’d last, though.

He had thought that what had happened at the CDC would have made things different between them or end their friendship, but it didn’t seem like that. Y/N kept treating him like always, kept talking with him, still seemed to want to be around him. Daryl guessed it was because what had happened between them hadn’t meant anything to her, she had just been scared. He had thought now he’d feel more awkward with her but he didn’t, he was still surprised with how comfortable he was around her and how much he wanted her close. It was scary and strange. Daryl had tried to forget what had happened at the CDC, but it still came to his mind more often than not, though he always pushed it back again. He never brought it up, so as not to make things awkward or push her away. Fight it as much as he wanted, Daryl wanted Y/N to still be his friend, didn’t want to be without her, no matter it made him feel weak.

Y/N let out a soft sigh and Daryl looked at her. She was hugging her knees to her chest and looking at the stars, her face dark and thoughtful, not bright with her smile like that night on the woods when she told him about the stars. Daryl wanted to ask her what was wrong but he didn’t know how.

It was probably about Sophia. He should have found her by now, she wasn’t supposed to have to spend another night alone in the woods. He couldn’t hear Carol from up there, but he knew she was still awake, crying. Daryl didn’t allow himself to think he wouldn’t find Sophia, he had to. He had gotten lost in the woods as a kid too, younger than Sophia and without anybody looking for him, and yet he had been alright. Sophia would be alright too and he would find her and bring her back to her mother.

Right now Daryl was feeling a bit lost about how to do it, though. He had tracked her, followed her trail, but somehow at some point he had lost it and hadn’t been able to find any sign of the little girl, no matter how hard he tried, Sophia seemed to have banished, nobody found her anywhere. He should have tried harder, he shouldn’t have lost her trail in the first place.

Daryl had been gnawing at his thumbnail and the skin around it, and he tasted blood when he tore up the skin a bit too much. He ignored it and kept chewing on the skin, lost in thought.

“Stop it.” Y/N’s voice took it out of his thoughts. She took his hand to inspect his thumb and Daryl fought the impulse to yank his hand away from hers roughly. “You hurt yourself.”

“Ain’t nothing.” He muttered, feeling a bit uncomfortable with his hand on hers.

“You have to be careful, you know how easily these things can get infected. Especially you, all day elbows deep in guts and what not.” Y/N took out of her pocket one of those silly band-aids she had found, wrapping it around his thumb although Daryl was pretty sure it didn’t need it. “T-Rex for you.”

Daryl scoffed but couldn’t help his smile seeing hers, the first time she smiled since Sophia got lost. She looked at the band-aid and chuckled softly.

“Imagine how silly it’d be, a T-Rex trying to shot a crossbow with those tiny, tiny arms.”

“You’re silly.” Daryl replied, surprising even himself with how fond his voice sounded. Y/N said nothing, just smiled at him. She still hadn’t let go of his hand and Daryl didn’t know what to do, take it away or not. Y/N seemed to notice him shifting nervously, though, and let go of his hand. She leaned back to look up at the stairs again, her smile gone.

“You’re worried about Sophia?”

“How wouldn’t I? She’s alone in those woods and we haven’t found anything…”

“You don’t think I can find her.” Daryl looked away, hating how disappointed the realization made him feel.

“Hey, I didn’t say that.” Daryl looked at her and he wasn’t sure, but he thought she sounded genuine. “If someone can find Sophia it’s you.” Daryl looked away again, blushing, feeling those weird twirls in his stomach.

“She can’t have gone far, must be holed up somewhere. I’ll find her in the morning.” Daryl had to keep thinking that. People didn’t just disappear and he hadn’t seen that many walkers around while looking for Sophia. The little girl would be safe and he’ll find her.

Despite her words, Y/N still seemed down and thoughtful.

“There’s something else?” He asked with bated breath, afraid Y/N would be upset at him asking. She stayed silent for a short moment and Daryl though he had said something wrong, but then she let out a long sigh.

“I’m useless.” She whispered.

“What?” Daryl looked at her taken aback, he didn’t know what she was talking about. “What you mean? You were already putting down walkers when all these people didn’t even aim for the brain.”

“Cos I had seen you doing it before.” Y/N gave him a soft, sad smile. Daryl knew that back at the quarry she had been watching him when he got his kills ready, learning, but it seemed that weren’t the only times. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. “But I mean, this search…I’ve done nothing.”

“You’ve been searching, like everyone.” Daryl was still confused as for why Y/N was talking like that.

“I didn’t find anything…I don’t even know why I told you I’d go, I can’t track like you, Shane and Rick were cops, I just…don’t know anything that can be useful.” Y/N shrugged again, looking defeated.

“You know the woods.”

“No, not like you. I only knew the woods near my house, told you, always following the same marked paths. Sure, I know which plant will help with an upset stomach or which mushrooms you can eat, but it’s not like that’s going to help Sophia. Probably if I go looking for her on my own I’d get lost too.”

“You ain’t making sense.” Daryl didn’t know why Y/N was talking like that, it was nothing like her. “You can get oriented in the woods, I’ve seen you.”

“Not good enough, that time we went out hunting for deer, I wouldn’t have been able to come back on my own, I’m sure.”

Daryl didn’t agree, didn’t like to hear her talk like that, but he wasn’t sure of what to say. “Quit saying bullshit, what’s gotten into you?” He didn’t want to snap harshly like that, but he couldn’t help himself. Y/N didn’t seem mad at him, though, just tired.

“Guess if I had known everyone was going to turn into monsters and they were going to take over the world I’d have started training for it.” She joked bitterly. "So I'd be like you, resourceful and skilled. Sophia would be lost if she hadn't you tracking her." "Rick and Shane would be looking for her. I didn't train for the end of the world or nothing, girl." Daryl grumbled, her flattering words making him feel uncomfortable. "You're a survivor nonetheless." Daryl didn't know what to say to that and so he said nothing. He usually liked the silence but as he stole glances at Y/N's dark face, he found himself wanting to say something else to her. "You ain’t useless, I don't know why you're saying all that bullshit but it ain't true." Daryl forced himself to speak. "If we make groups to look for Sophia I have you and the dog in mine.” That made Y/N smile. "Thanks. You make a good team with Rick though. It's true." She added when Daryl scoffed at that, though he had to admit Rick had surprised him during this couple of days. "Guess I'm not feeling the more hopeful." Y/N shrugged. "We're going to Fort Benning but I can't think we'll find something there, it'll be another CDC." Daryl didn't have words of comfort to offer and so he stayed silent. "And what we'll do then? Camp somewhere again? This good weather is not going to last much longer and another herd of walkers will find us sooner than later...”

“Dunno...” Daryl didn’t know what to expect from Fort Benning but he wasn’t that hopeful either. He was following those people because there was nothing else he could do, none else to be with.

“And we aren’t even near Fort Benning and Sophia’s missing, and we almost lost Carl too, how many more people are we going to lose from now on?” Y/N kept ranting, sounding more and more overwhelmed and sad, and Daryl couldn’t take it but he didn’t have the answers she was hoping for.

“Stop it.” He snapped.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t say those things about Sophia. You’ll find her.” Y/N gave him another sad smile and Daryl didn’t know if she believed it or she was just saying it for him. “I’m talking your ear off, I’m such a boomer, I’m sorry.” She let out a sigh.

“Nah.” Daryl shrugged, thinking how to word what he wanted to say. “Just don’t know why you’re saying all that shit about you. Ain’t true.”

Y/N looked at him without saying anything and Daryl wondered if she was angry at him, but then she smiled. “Thanks.” She said weakly. “Guess I’m not feeling my best right now.”

“I’m gonna find Sophia and Carl’s gonna be fine, we ain’t gonna lose none, we’ll find somewhere to stay.” Daryl tried to speak with as much confidence as he could muster, even though he wasn’t sure it was true. The kids would be alright, sure, but if Fort Benning was another bust, if everything was truly gone, then he didn’t know where they could try their luck.

Y/N just nodded in silence and Daryl looked at her as she shifted onto her knees.

“Daryl...” She began quietly. “I want to hug you but I don’t want you to freak out.”

Daryl swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to do, where to look at, what to say, suddenly nervous. It was silly, he had had her on his arms, his lips on hers, why did he turn flustered and nervous like that because she wanted to hug him? That train of thoughts just made it worse. She had hugged him before, after the herd of walkers left the road, but it had lasted barely a couple of seconds, and she had done it out of terror, same reason she had on the CDC. And he should really stop thinking about the CDC. It was a hug...not that he had been given many, but it was just a hug, nothing to be scared of, he was being an idiot. Daryl nodded, trying to put himself together.

Y/N smiled softly and she wrapped her arms around him carefully. Daryl felt himself stiff, he couldn't help it, but he forced himself to relax. Slowly, his hands found their way to her waist and he closed his eyes, enjoying her warmth and closeness maybe too much. When Y/N released him Daryl quickly pulled his hands away from her and looked away, clearing his throat. He just couldn't help his awkwardness. "I can keep watch alone, go to sleep." Y/N shrugged. "I'm good here." Daryl knew better than to try to change her mind. "Do you know something else about the stars?” * Daryl didn't find Sophia the next day, or the day after that. They moved into the farm, the owner allowed them to stay while Carl got better, but Daryl didn't pay the Greene's family much attention, focusing all his time on the search for Sophia. Sometimes Y/N joined him, other times she stayed behind for target practice, since Shane and Rick had decided to start gun training. Which would be great if it weren't because that meant less time to look for Sophia and that should be the priority, the little girl shouldn't have to be more time alone in the woods. Sometimes Daryl felt he was alone in that. He didn’t mind though, he was good alone and those people couldn't track for shit, but the more they were the more ground they could cover. Sometimes he wondered if they had all given up, though Rick kept the search up. They didn’t say it aloud, but Daryl knew everyone was less and less hopeful about finding Sophia alive.

Maybe only Carol thought he’d find her little girl, but how could she think otherwise, that meant she’d have to think her daughter was dead. Every time he came back without Sophia, though, he could see how more and more hope died in Carol's eyes. Daryl had given her that flower, told her that story, hoping it’d made her feel better, but he hated he had nothing else to offer her. Carol was a good woman who had had enough shit in her life, she didn’t deserve that, and certainly Sophia hadn’t deserved it either. She had to be alright and Daryl had to find her.

Y/N always told him that he’d find Sophia when she seemed to think he was feeling down, helped him when she could, but Daryl wasn’t sure if she really believed it or if she only said that for Carol and for him. Either way it was welcomed. Half of the time he felt like snapping and yelling at all the others for not being doing enough.

The sun was going down and Daryl walked back into the farm, once again without Sophia. Carol saw him and she even managed to give him a weak smile, she never said anything, never blamed him, just thanked him, but Daryl saw her eyes watering before she rushed into the RV and he felt like someone had kicked him in the gut.

Y/N hadn’t come with him that day and neither had he taken Cole, feeling Y/N needed her dog more than him now, so he went looking for them. He found her in a stable, brushing a horse, seeming in deep thought. Daryl watched her in silence until Cole noticed he was there, barking as if greeting him and going to him. Y/N turned around, giving him a soft smile.

“No luck?”

Daryl shook his head as he approached and Y/N reached out to place a hand on his arm, squeezing gently for a second, before turning back to the horse she was brushing. Daryl wasn’t much of a fan of horses, not that he disliked them or anything, but that one seemed to like Y/N, head-butting her and making her laugh softly. That was good, she used to laugh a lot and lately she barely did it.

“You like horses?” He asked and Y/N hummed a yes.

“We had a few at home. Guests liked them.” Y/N explained, and her smile grew a little bigger when he noticed Daryl frowning at the horse. “You don’t?”

“I don’t hate them or nothing…I rather ride a bike…but it ain’t that I don’t like them.” Daryl shrugged defensively. “I just think they’re funny to look at…” He admitted even though he felt silly.

Y/N laughed and Daryl looked away, self-conscious. Y/N seemed to notice and she reached out for him again, this time to squeeze his hand, and Daryl’s heart skipped a beat before he forced himself to put himself together and stop making a fool out of himself.

“I’m thinking about taking one tomorrow, go further, cover more ground,” Daryl explained her. “I think that house I found is still our best chance, I think Sophia was there, I want to check the area around it.”

“Okay, I’ll go with you.” Y/N announced and Daryl couldn’t help the tiny smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. “It’s been a while since I rode a horse but I’m pretty sure I’m way better than you at it.” Y/N winked at him and Daryl couldn’t help but blush, looking down as if trying to hide from her, hating how she could make him all flustered just like that.

“Come on, let’s grab some dinner and make plans for tomorrow.”

Y/N took his hand again to tug at it, which only made him more flustered, but seeing Y/N smiling and seeming to look forward to the search after how down she had been feeling had him smiling too. He just couldn’t help it.

Maybe tomorrow would be the day in which they finally found Sophia.

.........................................................................................

Well, well,well, it’s going to be an interesting ride, isn’t it? What you thought of this chapter? I know not much happened. Writing from Daryl’s pov is tricky but oh so adictive.

Anyway, thank you for reading! Please, if you have a moment drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts, I’d love to read it and talk to all of you, it keeps me inspired and going!

As always, English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistakes.

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