#I just. (Rips my hair out) Come On. Is their friendship even that homoerotic or whatever.

[trans-leek-cookie]

mouthwashing is one of those games that having a 80% male cast very obviously Is Saying Something, with the one woman's role being traditional in that she is the Nurse, therefore Caretaker, and is given the burden of """supporting""" (BS bc capitalist hellscape company but also shed probably get blamed anyways) everyone else's mental health without ever getting even that fucking bullshit excuse for "mental health support" and is fucking Assaulted with no recourse (in some ways due to the nature of It's A Spaceship but also it was clearly Not Handled Well By The Captain) and y'know. Due to her role as caretaker she is given responsibility over the consequences of A DIFFERENT PERSON'S ACTIONS (THE ACTIONS HAPPENING EBCAUSE HE COULDNT DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF WHAT HE DID TO HER)

And then I have to see a million posts about Toxic Yaoi focusing on how the guy who hurt her hurt the guy who wasn't helping (like you can argue about his intent and why he didn't take certain actions and that's not wrong but the point for this post is that he did not fucking keep her safe which is in fact His Job and also just Basic Decency) and while yeah he did get hurt (INCREDIBLY HURT) that was as a consequence of HIS FRIEND TRYING TO ESCAPE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HURTING ANYA LIKE. LITERALLY THE WHOLE PLOT OF THE GAME HAPPENS BECAUSE HE HURT ANYA AND THEN REFUSED TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES. OH MY GOD

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 2

Catch up here  AO3

~*~Emma~*~

You've got to be shitting me.

After I unlocked the door I turned to look back at the SUV. Sebastian was watching. I smiled, waved, and went through the door. I wanted to peek through the living room window. That would be immature. Besides, he might see. Instead I ran up the stairs to my bedroom and hit the enter key on my laptop. I stripped down and pulled on my robe while I waited the hour and a half it seemed to take for the dammed thing to wake up.

Thank god for google. I typed in Sebastian and got a film from 2017, Sebastian Bach a singer obviously from a 90's hair band, and Sebastian Stan an American- Romanian actor. Yes, I’d figured that out on my own, but I wanted to make sure. Looking through images never showed the raggedly man I'd just met, but I'd recognize those eyes and that embarrassed grin anywhere.

IMDB has a list of his work. I remember Gossip Girl. He was an ass, best I can remember. Saw Black Swan, but don't remember him. Oooo! Once upon A Time! He was the Mad Hatter. He made me so sad. God, Regina’s clothes were amazing. He was a cute little bunny in The Martian. Such a baby face.  Many things I haven't seen. What is up with that porn-stache? Then the Marvel Movies. Kind of hard to miss those. Bucky is an interesting character. I relate to him in a pretty direct way. I thought they did a disservice to his character and Steve's by not showing how Bucky learned to heal and how their friendship would evolve. They had some work to do together. I mean at the very least they needed to fully explore their homoerotic feelings for each other out in the open.

Just sayin’...

In the grocery aisle I didn't recognize him at all. He was all covered up except his legs. Probably his typical way to go out and stay incognito. Not sure I can blame him. I don't know about actors, but over the years I've become friends with a minor rock star. Comparatively Eli is a nobody so he doesn’t have security. The fans before a show and jockeying for position front of stage is interesting to watch. He takes it in stride. I'd seen bigger versions at Pearl Jam concerts, but they have security. There's not the same opportunity for an actor. Not like a concert anyway with so many people in one place. I wonder if fans stake out movie sets?

Thing is, I didn't know who he was until we were outside, until he said his name. Before then I'd been attracted to him. There was something sweet about how flustered he was and how he explained himself. Being here to help his parents move and running errands was sweet too. Obviously, with nothing more than a few minutes of benign conversation in the grocery there's no way to tell the true character of a person. For him either. It is long enough to want to know more. My laughter when I recognized him was pure embarrassment. I feet a little idiotic not recognizing him. Might have been a nice change for him.

Now I have two hours to get ready for a date. A little less with my foray into google stalking. I jumped in the shower and shaved my legs.

It's been a long time since I've been on a proper date. The dalliance with the fifth grade teacher last fall. Thankfully, I discovered what a gossipy bitch he was before I became one of his stories. Sebastian was leaving where we went up to me. Since he's here moving I think it's safe to assume that his clothing options are minimal. Any place with a dress code higher than jeans wouldn't be a good option for a casual first date. Hell, its barely even a first date. More like a dinner with a complete stranger. I guess that is the loose definition of a first date.

When Sebastian pulled into my drive I was dressed and ready to go. End of May isn't too hot yet, but if we went near the river the breeze could be chilly. I wore jeans, a peach top with cap sleeves, a loose white jacket, and peach shoes with a kitten heel. I pushed the sleeves of the jacket up and my shirt showed a little cleavage. I don't have a lot to show off, but a good bra helps. I left my hair down, but threw a clip in my tiny purse that held little more than my wallet, phone, and lip gloss.

Even though I saw him pull up I waited upstairs until he knocked on the door. This let me get a glimpse at what he was wearing and change real quick if I'd been wrong. I had a simple black skirt hanging on my closet door, just in case. He stepped out of the SUV and straightened his clothes before coming around. He had on black jeans with a rip above his knee, a dark blue Henley, and what looked like black loafers or a low cut boot. His jeans made his legs look long and thin, except his thighs looked like he could crush me between. This would not be the worst way to go. The shirt wasn't tight, but enough to see his upper body was. His hair looked like he'd run his fingers through, which was exactly what I wanted to do. He hadn't shaved, but he looked stylish over scruffy.

My eyes watered and I licked my lips watching him come to the door.

[tearlessrain]

I’m about to watch Arthur and Merlin, which is free on youtube and came up in my suggestions randomly. I have no idea what it is but I am hungry for the arthurian Content so Imma watch it and see how it goes

update: it was way better than I expected and accidentally SUPER gay. that merlin tv show everyone loved was amateur hour compared to how gay this was.

“there is magic in the air, and in the water, but it has been forgotten by many in these lands” wow why does that sound familiar I wonder

the funny thing is I watched fellowship of the ring literally yesterday so this will be hilarious

but there is hope [extremely unsubtle cut to a baby who is definitely important]

now I think... and I could be wrong... but guys I suspect this baby might be the chosen one.

oh god there was no father he was conceived by midichlorians

THE SKYWALKERS HAVE INFILTRATED THE CELTS

okay place your bets is it arthur or merlin

it’s Merlin. or Merddyn rather, in a surprise twist this movie was written by Fucking Nerds

so far mild cheese aside this is surprisingly watchable

“your crops fail and so you ask the king for help, but do not help yourselves! where are your alters?? starvation is punishment for your lack of faith!” THE RNC HAS INFILTRATED THE CELTS

okay so near as I can figure out the mark is from the old gods but there’s a druid who I guess speaks for the king or something who wants them to worship different old gods and now he’s demanding the villagers make a human sacrifice and it’s gonna be Smol Merddyn.

aw no they killed Celtic Shmi. Merddyn got away though and is now wandering the Forbidden Forest

I’m mad this is actually a solid movie so far. absolutely nothing unexpected has happened but I didn’t click on a movie called “Arthur and Merlin” to be surprised

oh wait that kid who freed him was Arthur

fifteen years later arthur is... a military leader who looks strangely like one of those romans played by obviously white actors in older movies

I honestly can’t pinpoint when this movie was made on aesthetics alone

ooo some Roving Misogynists™ are here to cause trouble and assault random women for being christian. by order of the druid no doubt.

“you mock us!” “I do.” okay I’m starting to like this arthur.

oh my god is that. he just fucking. tripped over excalibur while wading in like a two foot deep pond to get this woman’s cross back for her. best interpretation ever.

wait Olwen??? as in Ysbaddaden’s daughter Olwen?? once again I assumed they’d go with Guinevere or make someone up but I forgot, this movie was made by Fucking Nerds.

okay I know insisting everything is gay is a constant thing on this site but I want to point out that Arthur has showed nothing but very platonic friendship to Olwen but this is the face he makes when he sees Merddyn in a vision

and I mean to be fair to him this is what Merddyn looks like now

goddamn

oh no they’ve immediately made it very clear that he’s Romantically Involved With Olwen In Secret Look They’re Kissing Nobody Is Gay

so now I really want to know who wrote this movie because what I’m seeing here is people who intentionally chose to use the name merddyn, and know that olwen exists, but then decided to pair her romantically with... king arthur. and culhwch just doesn’t exist I guess. not that this is the most off the wall welsh mythology ship I’ve encountered but still it’s a weird one for this kind of media even if it’s an indie film

who are you people. how did this movie get made. I mean I like whatever it is but for real how and why did you do this.

I love how there’s just this trio of random dudes who don’t even have names who are arthur/olwen’s friends. and yet somehow they’re likable and I’m rooting for them. whoever they are.

so the only real problem with this movie that’s denting my enjoyment is that nobody has names and they all have the same haircut so I lose track of who’s doing what. see these are arthur’s friends:

and these are bad guys:

and Olwen is the only person in either screenshot who has a name

if any of them ever changes into a new outfit I’m screwed.

I’m gonna be real with y’all I love me a cursed forest

in an ironic twist, excalibur is now firmly stuck in a tree trunk and arthur cannot get it out

why is this movie GOOD what the heck. I mean the druid and king situation is blatantly ripped from wormtongue and theoden but I still like. care about the king. they’ve done it well.

“I’ve already told you, I am no longer a man.” “are you so sure???” see I know nothing will happen since this is a movie not a fanfic but that line is the quintessential hate-makeout segue

THIS IS VERY HETEROSEXUAL they’ve had most of the argument while approximately that distance from each other

oh god what the fuck arthur’s friends got sacrificed by the druid just to make a point to olwen. this is the opposite of a Sacrificial Girlfriend.

they do not need to be this close to each other to argue but they keep on doing it

they’ve been on screen together for less than five minutes y’all

arthur: maybe you’re right, you are no longer a man

merlin: [conjures an entire patch of flowers for him to make... some kind of point I guess?]

okay now they’re arguing again but there’s all this “I thought I knew you” talk (which, again, it’s been five minutes) and the actors have clearly decided that their dynamic is based entirely on constant, roiling sexual tension

why does every single thing they say scan like dialogue from a slow burn enemies to friends to lovers fanfic

“the girl in the village, did you love her once?” “I know little of love” “Surely a man who can control the growth of a flower must be able to make love blossom” JUST FUCK ALREADY

this is how they’re having this conversation by the way

there was only one shrub hollow

“to control nature is one thing, but only the most powerful sorcerer could control the mind of a man- OR WOMAN,” he said, heterosexually.

y’all I’m gonna be honest I thought I was just projecting at first but this is the gayest thing I’ve seen since the baseball song in high school musical 2. this is just absolute beleg and turin levels of probably unintended but utterly blatant homosexuality. I’m so glad I decided to watch this movie and youtube was right to recommend it to me.

this movie really speaks to me because on a spiritual level I too am a mystical but irritable and socially stunted forest hermit with sexy hair just waiting for a brash but pure-hearted warrior who looks like a roman statue to draw me out of my cave with homoerotic banter. 

oh it’s not excalibur it’s... nuadu. which I guess in this movie is not the king of the tuatha de danann but a sword forged by them? see my first impulse would be to assume that the way they’re mangling everything, the writers knew nothing about Celtic folklore, except that they’ve chosen such weirdly specific things to mangle. they know their shit, they’ve just deliberately chosen to go absolutely buckwild with it.

THEY’RE DOING IT AGAIN THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF ARGUING WHILE STANDING MORE THAN TWO FEET APART

for real though character-wise this might be one of my favorite interpretations of merlin/merddyn I’ve ever seen. I feel like everyone involved was genuinely super passionate about the subject matter they were working with. like all jokes aside he’s really honestly well acted and well written.

STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS

uh oh they’ve been captured by... bandits?

oh it’s olwen’s uncle

“TO GOOD WOMEN... WHY DO YOU NOT DRINK, MERDDYN”

it is a mystery, olwen’s uncle.

a mystery.

this motivational monologue could have been so cheesy but like. I’m here for it. I would follow arthur into battle.

aw come on. olwen’s uncle betrayed them. I kinda saw it coming but dammit.

again, the druid should be absolutely stupid but he’s kind of a cool villain.

yay olwen’s uncle unbetrayed them. probably so would I if I’d seen what merddyn just did to the druid’s guys.

so the druid is trying to sacrifice ten thousand souls to raise a god from the underworld and merddyn is on the fucking warpath. and olwen’s uncle is ON BOARD HELL YEAH.

THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS TO ISENGUARD TO ISENGUARD

arthur and merddyn have escalated to clutching each other’s clothes during their heated two-feet-apart discussions

olwen is a badass in her own right like she has her own whole thing going trying to save the king from basically his own literal dementia and the druid who’s taking advantage of it, which is somehow way more compelling than just magical mind control.

“I thought the cave taught you fairness” “well... you taught me fighting” JUST KISS.

okay let’s see how they pull off this dark god on the shoestring budget they definitely have, at this point I honestly believe in them.

by avoiding showing the god entirely apparently but they made it work even with that.

aw the king has named him his heir. which again we all knew would happen but it’s still so well done.

and we end on merddyn placing the crown on arthur’s head while lovingly quoting his own words back at him, while olwen looks on with the kind of approval that implies they’ve ended up with some kind of road to el dorado situation. solid.

so I was expecting this to be absolute garbage with bad actors and checked out writers just trying to make another mediocre coattail-riding medieval fantasy movie and what I got was some weirdly good actors and writers who are clearly obsessed with celtic folklore and desperately wanted to just run amok with it for an hour and 45 minutes. and they did. they poured every ounce of their hearts and souls and tiny, tiny budget into it. and it was beautiful. 10/10