#I just wish she was proud of me and wasn't like. ashamed of my relationship.

[howtobeamagicalgirl]

✨️

[neos-schlond-poofa]

An Ode to Angie Beneviento

Okay, so this actually will be a semi-serious post. LIKE I know I don't usually post serious stuff unless its an angst edit HOWEVER it IS Angie's birthday and she actually is a very important character to me. Obviously not the most important character to me though, that's Donna, but that is another post for another birthday.

But... I really love Angie's route. And it's really important to me. And anyone who knows me knows that I'm not really an open person about serious stuff (I THINK?? sam if you read this tell me pleak) or I'm talkative, but I think this is worth putting out there. Especially because of how much it means to me.

I'm ace. Like this really isn't me coming out, like I've always kind of been out as ace?? But I never really said it either on here but like I am ace and I never tried to hide it at least. This is so odd like this is kind of like me coming out. But it isn't. BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT. I just need to say that so this makes more sense.

Seeing Angie just straight up say she's asexual just made me feel so happy.

I can't tell you a single other ace person in media that (that isn't Todd from Bojack or also aromantic), and just seeing someone really silly like me? That made me feel so nice.

I tried to wish away me being ace before. Like, completely fine with the gay and non-binary stuff for the most part, but being ace? Hated it. Like, I don't like ess e ex (I really don't want this post to be hidden because I used the word), nor did I ever really have an interest in it. And I didn't want to have an interest in it really. Kind of? It's complicated.

I wanted to be like the others really. I've had relationships before where I hate myself for being ace, because I have never had an ace partner, and I just will never be enough for them because of that (minus the one time I did have an ace partner, but they were very disliking of physical touch which I do love). I used to try to convince myself that I can just stop being this way, I can change for them, all so they wouldn't leave me. I was ashamed of being this way, despite being so usually proud of my other parts of my identity. There was even a time when one of my exes tried to convince me that I wasn't ace too, but definitely didn't make this situation worse. I just didn't like being this way.

Although, it wasn't as strong when I started playing Resident Lover + when I got into my current relationship. Like, I am fairly fine now. Yeah, I still kind of do feel bad for being ace but like? Who cares? I mean I do but I know them and I know she would never hate me for that, it's just perfect. I love them so much.

But I still always have those thoughts. And I'm not saying Resident Lover completely eradicated those thoughts... but they did help them.

Seeing Angie just... openly say she's ace and set her boundaries and MC just accepting it? It was like. Amazing. I never really saw something like that (Todd from Bojack does NOT count, he is a guy. And I am not a girl either but I feel closer connected to girls because they're so much sillier and nice plus also like Angie more).

It was just so nice seeing representation that I hadn't really seen before, and one where I could see a character get into a happy relationship with someone they really love, and it all work out. Angie helped me accept being ace, she's helped me being proud of it, unlike any character before (okay sorry Todd). And, it's her birthday. And not that many people in this fandom appreciate her. And I know not that many people in the fandom will read this (you guys hate long posts despite being in a visual novel fandom... what is this don't you guys love reading???), but I still wanted to share it. To share MY personal story and how Angie is important to me, and just one of the many reasons why this game is so important to me too.

I love Angie Beneviento.

[kitxkatrp]

🎨,🖤,🏹,💔,🎄,❌(Lan Fan),🗡️,😶‍🌫️,❤️‍🔥, 💄, ❤️, 🎀, 🧪, 🤔, 💀(Fu's death), ✍️ all for LING YAO c:

🎨 ARTIST PALETTE— what are some hobbies that you like to partake in? do you think they're just to pass time or to distract yourself, or do you believe some of them potentially have therapeutic outcomes for you?

"I like eating and trying new foods that I haven't tried before! It's loads of fun, but also, I tend to faint if I don't eat very often, so it's beneficial for me anyway. Besides, it's relaxing."

🖤 BLACK HEART — what would you say is the darkest thought you've ever experienced? what do you think caused you to have that thought? have you ever planned on or fantasized about acting on it?

"When Envy changed into Lan Fan...I was horrified....but a part of me wanted to rip him to pieces, slowly, carve his tongue out and rip out his eyes for daring to defile the image of someone I cared about." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I didn't get the chance to, but I still think about it sometimes. I'm...a little upset I never got the chance to have a go at him, but I hear Mustang did a good job of it by himself."

✈️ AIRPLANE — have you traveled anywhere that helped you discover something about yourself and/or about the world?

"I traveled to Amestris to find the secret of immortality, but...while I was there I think I got stronger as a person. I lost some important things and a person along the way...and I still walked out of it accomplishing my goal. I think...because I did that, I can lead this country more efficiently."

💔 BROKEN HEART — is there anyone in your life you wish you had a better relationship with? if so, how come? what makes this person important to you?

"I'm not sure if this counts since he died not that long after I became Emperor, but I wish I had a better one with my Father. I wish that I wasn't just a number to him. I wish it wasn't all /games/ to see who was succeed him. I wish he had actually cared for each of us individually. For us he was one person. To him, we were all melded together like a stew. I always despised that about him."

🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE — what is your favorite holiday and why?

"New Years, New Years Day specifically. I like the festivities, and I like the promise of a new year. It means you survived yet another year, you're still alive, and you get to celebrate being alive. What's there not to like about that? Oh...also the food."

❌ CROSS MARK — how would your life be different if [name of person] had never been in it? would it be better or worse?

"I--honestly I don't want to think about that. But...I think I would have failed my quest. I don't think I would be Emperor without her support and I don't think I would have survived very long. I....she's always been by my side and made me feel safe. Without Lan Fan...I don't want to know."

🗡️ DAGGER — what is something or someone you know you can't afford to lose? how far are you willing to go to make sure you don't lose it/them?

"Lan Fan or Greed. I refuse to lose either of them. I nearly did, both of them, multiple times, and that was the worst feeling I've ever felt. I refuse to let myself fall into that state again and for that, I need them both with me. They are my strength."

😶‍🌫️ FACE IN CLOUDS — is there something you're hiding from the people you love? if so, how urgent is it for them to hear it? what's holding you back from sharing it?

"I....am both proud of myself and hate myself just a little. I am proud for making it this far...but I am...ashamed of what it took to get me here and the sacrifices that had to be made. If I had been stronger, Lan Fan would've never lost her arm and Fu might still be here. Even Greed, I wasn't strong enough to avenge his friends either. They...don't need to know I feel like this. They would tell me it wasn't my fault, or responsibility, but....I can't change how I feel."

❤️‍🔥 HEART ON FIRE — what angers you the most? what triggers this anger, and how do you cope with it? what does this anger feel like, if you had to describe it?

"People like King Bradley that claim to rule a country without a care for the citizens they govern. That sort of selfishly driven person isn't suited to lead a country, nor should they hold their head high like he did. The fact he not only called me a fool for caring about my country's citizens, but also had the gall to harm those close to me, makes me angry. I wish I had been the one to bring him to his knees, if only to prove to him that he was wrong. This deep burning feeling inside of me, it was the first time I've ever felt it."

💄 LIPSTICK — have you had any romantic or sexual experiences that made you realize something about yourself?

Ah hell, they just had to ask this one, didn't they? "Well..I..." He swallowed thickly. "Realized that I really like to be touched....more than I thought I ever would....and I actively desire it. I....didn't realize I was that kind of person." Just from kisses too.

❤️ RED HEART — what is/are your love language(s)? how do you use it/them to communicate your feelings about others?

"Sharing a meal! Oh? Does that not count? I guess...hugs and kisses, and paying attention to the little things. But to be honest, I think that might be less of a love language and more of...something I've learned to survive." Considering how many people were trying to kill him-- "But either way, I like to think it says that I care. I'm....a bit too awkward to say it out loud most of the time."

🎀 RIBBON BOW — how confident are you with your physical appearance? is there anything about it that you are insecure about? is there anything about it that you are happy about or gives you confidence? how do you think people perceive you based on your physical appearance?

"...." He hates this question. "...Do I have to be honest? ...Okay fine, I don't think I'm handsome or attractive at all. I don't like any of it. I wish I could change how I look. I don't even know what it is about it that I hate, except all of it. I don't know how people look at me, but I do know how I feel and I just...don't like it."

🧪 TEST TUBE — if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what is one thing you absolutely have to resolve and/or do before then?

"....Spend one more night showing them how much I love them. Maybe say it to them a few times to their faces, and hold them the whole time until my last breath. And I'd hope....that the last thing I'd see would be their faces."

🤔 THINKING FACE — what three emotions tend to dominate your mindset? do you know why they do?

"Hungry, exhausted, and determined. I'm always hungry, I'm always tired and never get enough sleep, but I always pull through and never give up."

💀 SKULL — how has [name of person] 's death influenced your outlook on life, if anything?

"I...feel like that naive part of myself died with him. The part that still thought I could achieve my goal without anymore sacrifices. It...really kicked my ass into gear and told me a lot about what being a ruler means. I won't....forget that lesson." He missed Fu.

✍️ WRITING HAND — what is one thing you wish you were better at? this can be a tactical skill, social skill, hobby, etc.

"....Expressing my feelings. I really do think I'm terrible at it. When I try to say something profound to someone I love, I get frightened and lose my will...it's kind of embarrassing."

[deertaz]

I'm Back

This account was something I made when I was 14 and in a very bleak time of my life. I have deleted most of my old posts, not only because I wish to forget that time, but also because as an adult, I now understand how venting towards a public space can validate and enable the self-harmful behaviours of other people.

Luckily this account got nothing more that a few notes, with a handful of people looking at what I posted. But, I would like to apologise to anybody who saw my posts and were triggered by it.

I never participated in any group chats or messages encouraging my or the EDs of others. Even then, I saw the danger of such things. However, through sharing my experiences and harmful thoughts in visceral detail, I may have contributed to the validation of others as mentally damaged as I was at the time. Again, I am lucky that next to nobody saw this account.

So, take this as a reintroduction of myself;

Hi, I'm 'Taz', I'm 19. I'm in Uni right now with a freelance job. I love dressing in alternative 'gothic' styles, listening to emo, metal, goth and alternative music. I've experienced a lot since I've been gone, and have been incredibly lucky over the past 3-4 years since my departure.

I have gained lifelong friends who truly value me for the person I am. I graduated high school at 16 and, since then, have found a confidence in myself that I never knew I had. I am capable, thriving and happy with myself and the things I have accomplished so far. I spoke in front of a crowd of 200 last year, and realised how the only thing holding me back is myself.

I no longer feel ashamed about my interests, nor my appearance. I don't hide my love for childish and nerdy things. I'm just a bit odd, but standing out both appearance-wise and personality-wise have turned out to be an asset. It has drawn the most remarkable and kind people to me. I met my platonic soulmate, who has been my best friend for 3 years.

And yes, I have not been friends with that girl I ranted about in 2019 for over 4 years (left the post up since I believe it isn't harmful). What she said and did to me wasn't okay, I'm proud of myself for finally being able to cut her out of my life. I was a very insecure lonely person, who didn't understand how friends should treat you. I never had friends as a child, since I was considered weird. So joining high school (I was 11, UK) made me try to change myself, I was quiet and agreeable. When she offered me friendship I was very happy, but did not have the self confidence nor the wisdom to realise that she was treating me horribly. I understand now, and am quite a lot better with setting boundaries.

I have had two partners, and one on and off situationship thing (lol). I'm not a lesbian, I'm Bi with a preference for women. My parents know. I have a 17 year old brother who I love to pieces, every day I am taken a-back by how much I get on with him. I value our closeness and am very grateful that he's in my life.

My relationship with my mother has been rocky at times, especially from 10-16. But I no longer live at home, so my interactions with her have improved a lot. I love her, she is a kind person, though very temperamental. She is also no longer bedridden!

I am now 19, I am older. I am much better at handling her outbursts. I stand up for myself without shouting back. I realised the best way to respond to her is either by removing myself, or by asking her questions, 'did you take your meds today?', 'why do you think you are angry?', 'Does this warrant shouting?'.

My favourite thing to say is, 'I love you mum, but I hate how you are acting right now.'

It shows to her that I love her, what I'm saying isn't an attack on her character, but on her current actions. It's a pretty good way of letting her know (I think).

Anyways, rant over (for now). For anybody still struggling with an ED, please seek comfort in others. Tell somebody. It's a slow recovery, and you might relapse a few times before it gets better. But it does get better. For anybody still in those awful teen years, it's a shitty waiting game but the end post is in sight, and it's a path to something far brighter.

-Taz

[tohokuu]

babe what happened… are you okay?!

okay so before i start, i come from a conservative pakistani muslim household. it's the kind of place where wearing shorts to bed make it look like you probably fuck around with guys.

i went to pakistan last summer and have a lot of my cousins on snapchat. i barely use snapchat but every once in a while, i post a selfie or an update on life or something. anyway, i felt really pretty yesterday and i posted a video of me.

thing is, i was wearing a black tank top and a thin hoodie on top but my breasts are big so my cleavage was out and i took the video from a high angle so you can def see stuff but it wasn't anything super bad.

now i have 3 diff snap stories. a public one, a main one and the private stories. the private story is obviously cfs only. the main is my entire snap but it excludes all my cousins and the public one is for literally everyone. whenever i post, i post on the public one but yesterday bc of my clothes, i posted to the main so my cousins wouldn't see it. but somehow my cousins werent fucking blocked off the story and a few of them saw it. some of my cousins are cool and some aren't. two of them screenrecorded it. i honestly completely forgot about the post until my mom barged into my room at 4 in the morning shoving her phone in my face.

it was a whatsapp chat where my uncle (dads older brother) sent it to my mom and my dad. he sent my mom a very angry voice message about my upbringing and how my mom should be ashamed of herself for raising a daughter like me. my uncle and my dad don't have the greatest relationship but me and my uncle get along very well. he loves me very much and so do i. its just that im so ashamed that he saw that kind of picture of me. i always dress very modestly when i'm in pakistan and whenever i post a selfie or something.

what's crazy to me is that he sent that shit straight to my mom and dad... my mom saw it this morning during fajr prayers and she deleted it off my dads phone so i don't believe he saw it and i also blocked my uncle off my dads phone so he doesn't call him.

i talked to my cousin and asked why she screenshotted and she said it was so she could ask me to remove the video because it wasn't decent. i was so stressed the whole time and i apologized so much for what i did and i begged her to calm her dad down and delete the photo off his phone and to not call my father about it. i have uni coming up in a few weeks and i truly do not have the money to pay all my tuition myself. like my dad, my mom and i are all joining money together in order to pay. if my dad finds out about this, he might marry me off, send me back home and marry me off, cut contact w me and kick me out or he might just kill me.

there isn't much to be shameful abt than the fact that my uncle saw it... my uncle and aunt are huge gossipers and even tho i dont feel as though she would go around and tell people this kind of stuff, she's also not very trustworthy. my uncle is petty and likes to bring up bad things into random conversations. i begged my cousin and she calmed me down and all but i dont trust these people. my aunt told my mom that it's okay and i made a mistake and i realized it and she also told my mom that i had expressed my shame regarding my uncle seeing it and he was very happy that i acknowledged my actions. she said it's okay to love your body and be proud but there's a limit and i crossed it. but she said that she wouldn't tell my dad and that it'll blow over soon but i dont fucking believe her at all. my aunt has been my moms biggest enemy since she got married into that house and who's to say she isn't mine too?

the fact that they have this video of me at all is so so fucking bad. i could barely sleep after i saw it. my chest hurts and it feels like something heavy is on it. my stomach keeps flipping and i feel like throwing up all the time. i don't know how long this will take to blow over but this is absolutely horrible. im wishing so hard that this is just a dream and i can just wake up from it at any given moment but it isn't so i have no idea what to do. my mom hates me right now and she's angry again. i don't know if my dad knows about this. i'm just so so broken up over this. i don't know what to do.

[unbelievably-sane]

I relate to this so much. With me, there were signs, like when I didn't understand why people were/are not very fond of long distance relationships (I mean you still get to talk and see eo thanks to an invention called phones), when I came to the realisation that friends were wayy more important to me than crushes or romantic partners, when I wondered (multiple times) why people dated when you could be friends, when I realised sex was real, not something just in books. Even when I came across the term and had to do some research for work purposes, I never thought it could be me. It took months of thinking, worrying, frustrated late night sobbings and going down the internet rabbit hole (which also included Tumblr) for me to think that I might be ace. The realisation was something huge for me, because till then I was also associating my asexuality with my introversion and shyness and generally being a weirdo lol. But then knowing I am ace felt like something had unlocked within me, like everything was less foggier.

I often joke that on days my brain gives me shit, I'm acephobic enough that others' opinions don't matter. There are days when I'm confident and okay and even proud of it and then there are days where I wish I wasn't like this. I don't know what it's gonna be like in the future, I might have to come out to people I don't really want to tell and I'll most probably feel the guilt that comes with being ace and having a partner, but I am trying to be optimistic that things will turn out okay for me. That I wouldn't have to compromise this part of myself, that I wouldn't be ashamed or that doubtful and negative of myself.

Soon I started looking out for books with ace characters, so Loveless was basically the Bible to me lol. Even tho I'm allo romantic and Georgia isn't, reading her experience and finding common points made me cry ngl. And somewhere in the end where one of her friends says that one long paragraph, I'd be lying if I said I've never thought about that. The fantasy of living close to/with your friends, seeing each other everyday, being there for each other through everything big and small. A bit unrealistic but we all have our little fantasies in our head.

On a side note, my friends see my obsession with Heartstopper and Alice's books as slightly weird at the least but it's hard to explain to them how much the friendships in those works mean to me and how happy it makes me to see characters having healthy conversations, the ace rep I loved seeing and the fact that the creator herself is an aro-ace person who wrote a whole show which focuses on different forms of love apart from romantic love. At this point she is basically feeding me with all my favourite tropes lol.

Am I too old to be realizing that I may be in the ace spectrum?

I have just been thinking long and hard about it, and I’ve been exposed to much more representation (mainly Heartstopper) that made me look into it, do some research, and come to a realization.

And that realization is that no, there’s nothing wrong with me and my lack of desire to find a romantic/sexual partner. I don’t think I’m necessarily asexual, but I do think I’m demisexual or greysexual.

I’ve sort of identified as a demisexual for a few years now, after learning of the term through a youtuber that I follow, but I was honestly never sure, and I continued to question myself. Maybe it’s just because I’m an introvert and a weirdo, maybe I’m just not trying hard enough, maybe I’m just very insecure, maybe it’s some sort of internalized trauma, maybe I just haven’t found the right person…

But these past couple of years, and most recently about a month ago, I did some serious introspection, and yeah, I don’t need to look for excuses or explanations, it’s just the way I am. And that’s fine. And I’m glad that there is an identity for me, I feel validated and less alone.

I’m feeling considerably more comfortable in my skin and in my head since I’ve been having this introspection, and I feel like it’s even helped to begin to alleviate some anxieties and insecurities that I’ve carried with me for a long time.

I do think I’ll probably still second-guess myself on occasion, because that’s just what I do. But maybe I won’t, or not as often, or less and less with time. I want to learn to appreciate this part of me, and perhaps bring myself to talk about it with some people that I trust. I hope to learn to have the confidence to face any criticism or questioning or invalidation that might come my way. And I look forward to meeting other people in the spectrum with whom I can have conversations and find community.

Representation matters. I wish I had had access to the information and media that I do now (like Alice Oseman’s comics and books, and even Alice Oseman herself, who identifies as aroace, and many more), perhaps I would have been more confident in myself and my identity, perhaps I would have saved myself a lot of second-guessing. But late is better than never, or really it’s never too late to learn something new, especially about yourself.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel lighter.

[helloalycia]

The Wrong Lifetime — Epilogue // Wanda Maximoff

chapter fourteen | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad

author’s note: the final part is here! thanks again to everyone who stuck around with this fic, i really appreciate it 😊💗 now enjoy!!

The sound of a rooster crowing pulled me from my slumber and I groaned when I realised I definitely wasn't getting back to bed anytime soon.

Quiet laughter came from beside me and I didn't have to open my eyes to know that Wanda was finding my disgruntled self entertaining.

"I said yes to the chickens," I mumbled tiredly, not opening my eyes as I stupidly thought it would let me contain my sleep for a little bit longer, "but I should have drawn the line at the rooster."

Her fingers grasped my shoulder as she rolled over to hover above me. I squinted through my tired eyes, seeing the amused smile on her lips as she looked down at me. Despite how much of a morning person I wasn't, I appreciated how beautiful she looked with bed hair and a nightie.

"Shut up," she said jokingly, and I closed my eyes again. "You love them."

I rolled my eyes beneath closed lids. "I'd love to cook them, sure."

She slapped my shoulder gently. "Don't talk about Nikolai, Vanya and Sonia like that!"

A smile ghosted my lips. The first thing she'd done when getting the damn chickens was name them the most Sokovian names she could think of – I shouldn't have expected anything less. Though, now it meant she was extremely attached to them.

"My apologies, love," I mumbled.

She hummed disapprovingly before putting her whole body weight on top of me and hugging me. I sighed contently, resting an arm around her waist and appreciating the feeling of her so close to me. I could have fallen back asleep in this position if it wasn't for Wanda's wide-awake, curious self. Why did she have to be such a morning person?

"So, what are your plans for today?" she asked, fingers scratching against my shoulder blade tenderly.

I exhaled calmly. "I'm going to attempt to fall back asleep right now... then I'll let you know afterwards when I wake up."

She didn't say anything after that, and I was stupid to believe I'd gotten away with it because she suddenly got up and straddled me, jumping up slightly and startling me awake.

"Wake up!" she ordered, too hyper for my sleepy self.

I groaned, rubbing my eyes and finally opening them to see her looking down at me with a grin, hair falling around her face. There was a hint of annoyance in my expression as I narrowed my eyes, but she ignored it as she rested her hands on my chest.

"I hate you," I muttered.

"You're up now, so let's do something," she insisted, making me roll my eyes. "We should go on a walk. It's pretty outside. The sun's rising and it'll be fun!"

The sun's rising because its bloody dawn and that damn rooster crows at the same time every day, leaving me disgruntled and annoyed.

But of course, I didn't have the energy to explain that to Wanda, so I simply shook my head and closed my eyes. "Maybe tomorrow, Wanda."

She suddenly leaned down, jolting me slightly and making me open my eyes. She was inches away from my face as she pouted.

"Not tomorrow, now!" she exclaimed loudly, before leaning forward and peppering kisses all over my face.

I sighed, keeping her stable by resting a hand on her waist, but not appreciating the fact that falling asleep would definitely be a challenge now.

"I love you, Wanda, but please keep it down," I said quietly, still not used to her energy so early in the morning.

"Tell me what I can do to wake you up," she said sternly, stopping kissing me and sitting upright again.

"Absolutely nothing, love."

"Oh? Nothing?"

I hummed and closed my eyes again, getting used to her weight on top of me and deciding I could probably fall back asleep if she was quiet long enough. Wishful thinking, of course.

Her fingers found mine and she slowly lifted my hand, putting it underneath her dress and on her thigh. I knew what she was doing – it was cute – but it wouldn't work.

Not even bothering to open my eyes, I said, "Wanda, darling, we've been together for three years. I am able to resist your charm, believe it or not."

"Really?" she asked challengingly, letting go of my hand and resting hers on my shoulders. "I don't believe you."

Before I could counter her with a response, she leaned down and began nibbling on my ear softly. It was a sensation I was familiar with, but I refused to let her get her way, so I ignored her stubbornly. She knew me too well though, as she let go of my ear and trailed kisses down my neck before sucking on the skin sensually. Admittedly, I was a lot more awake then I was thirty seconds ago, definitely aroused by the gorgeous woman on top of me, but she couldn't win this. Not when she was playing very unfairly.

"Wanda," I said with a warning tone, squeezing her thigh and signalling for her to stop.

I should have figured that would provoke her even more, as she manoeuvred herself so her knee was now pressing between my legs. I'm ashamed to admit that I gasped into her shoulder at the sudden pressure, and judging from the quiet laugh she let out, she was very much aware of the effect she had on me.

"I told you you couldn't resist," she said knowingly, raising her head from my neck so she could meet my eyes.

Hers were darkened with pleasure and mischievousness, darting to my lips. I glared at her.

"I really hate you."

She shook her head, tongue wetting her lips, as a playful smirk stared down at me. "No you don't. Now lose the nightdress, moya lyubov' (my love)."

I tried to retort, but she closed the gap between us, lips capturing mine in a heated kiss. I definitely didn't mind being woken up like this...

—

After actually getting out of bed, I reluctantly agreed to go on a walk with Wanda, strolling around our premises and making the most of the countryside we lived in. As much as I didn't want to admit, I was glad she'd dragged me outside, since the morning stroll only made me appreciate our home more.

When we returned, Wanda went to her studio whilst I made us some tea in the kitchen, hoping to warm us up after the slight chill in the Autumn air. I joined her soon enough, smiling when I saw how involved she was with her work in no time. The studio was big enough for her to make a mess and it not seem so messy since it was spacious enough. I shouldn't have expected any different – Wanda couldn't tidy up to save her life.

"One day I'm going trip over your things," I announced as I stepped over some loose materials by the door, teacup and saucer in hand.

She chuckled, though her attention was still on her painting. "When that day finally comes, I'll clean up. Promise."

"Of course," I muttered sarcastically.

I stopped behind her and studied the painting she was working on. It was a close-up of a flower bed, with intricate details being put in the flowers themselves and ladybirds flying around. Wanda sensed my presence and accepted the tea from my hand, smiling at me gratefully before blowing on it to cool it down.

"Is this that commission you got last week?" I asked curiously.

She nodded, unaware of the paint streaks on her face. I rested a hand on her shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, smiling at how adorable she was.

"The guy is paying double for me to put twelve ladybirds in the painting," she explained with amusement. "He wants to be able to count every single one."

I snorted with laughter. "Wow. That's very strange."

She shrugged, though I knew she was thinking the same. "A commission's a commission... is it evil if I only put eleven in?"

I laughed, nodding. She glanced up at me with a bright smile on her lips.

"It's very evil," I told her, before squeezing her shoulder.

She grabbed my hand on her shoulder, holding it comfortingly. "D'you want to do some gardening later?"

"Sure. I've just gotta do some work on my manuscript first. The writer's block is real."

"Of course," she said, giving me a knowing look. "Best-selling authors don't just become best-selling authors without putting in the work."

I rolled my eyes at her comment, but a smile played on my lips. "I'm leaving now."

She chuckled and I pressed a kiss to her cheek, trying not to get paint on my lips.

"Good luck with the writing," she said as I began to leave.

"And you with the painting," I called back.

Today was nothing special – probably a regular day when it came to Wanda and I's lives – but it made me smile. If the past three years had taught me anything, it was to be grateful for the mundane.

After Wanda broke things off with Y/B/N, it took a while for both of our families to recuperate. In their eyes, Y/B/N had broken things off because he wasn't interested in Wanda anymore, hence our parents' reaction. And Wanda's parents were upset because they believed it was her fault that Y/B/N wasn't interested, hence their reaction.

Our relationship with the Maximoffs was inescapable though, since Y/B/N and I were authors of theirs, so we had to mend what was broken. The only person who knew the truth about Wanda breaking it off with Y/B/N, apart from me and him, was Pietro. He didn't know why, but he knew that it was Wanda's choice.

After things calmed down between our families and everybody's anger had faded, around about the time that my second book was released, I'd saved enough money from the sales to buy a place of my own. With my father's help, I was able to buy a cottage in the countryside – the perfect place for privacy and to do my writing.

It was surprising that I got help from my dad, since I half expected him to be against the idea. But he was so proud of me for achieving all I had that he was happy to help. So, I got my own place and the first thing I did was invite Wanda to live with me. Nobody really saw it as more than two friends living together, especially since Wanda had started selling her paintings under a male pseudonym. Her parents were only reluctant because they wanted her to get married, but after she told them that she didn't want to and stood her ground, they left her alone.

I think they realised that they couldn't exactly stop her, and if they tried to, they'd lose their daughter in the process. So, to Wanda and I's excitement, we were moving in together...

"Are we there yet?" Wanda asked for the millionth time.

"Terpeniye (patience)," I told her, and felt her smile beneath my hands that were covering her eyes.

"Nice pronunciation," she commented, and I couldn't tell if she was teasing or not.

We finally stopped before the cottage and I was buzzing with excitement. I'd chosen it with Wanda in mind, a surprise for her, since I knew she'd only ever wanted to live in a place like this. What better way to give her that then now with me?

"Okay, this is it," I announced, removing my hands from her face.

I stepped beside her, leaning forward to see her reaction. She was raising her eyebrows with surprise, taking in the appearance of the front of the cottage. It was in a lovely field with tall trees and colourful flowers surrounding it. Vines had overgrown the bricks, but it looked stunning and I hoped Wanda would think the same.

Her lips curved upwards into a grin of disbelief. "This is it? This is ours?"

I pulled the key from my pocket and held it out towards her. "It is. All ours."

She laughed wholeheartedly, jumping up with excitement before grabbing the key and pulling me into a hug. I laughed alongside her, returning the hug, before pressing a kiss to her cheek and motioning to the door.

"Do the honours and I'll show you around," I told her with a smile.

She was practically beaming as she moved to the door, opening it. Her excitement only intensified when she saw the living-room it extended into, a large fireplace in the centre of the back wall and the furniture already in place.

"We can change the décor," I told her as I showed her around. "This came with the place, but we can change it up to however we want."

"I love it."

I intertwined our fingers, admiring the sparkle of delight in her blue eyes as she looked around the place eagerly. That was the look that made this whole thing worth it.

"You've not even see the best bit," I said, before tugging her into the hallway. "There's a kitchen and our bedroom and of course, a study for me, but this is the bit I know you'll love."

She watched with curiosity but allowed me to skip the other rooms and show her the room that I envisioned as her art studio. It was a spacious room, filled with random, old furniture from the previous owners, but I ignored it and stepped further inside, facing Wanda.

"This can be your studio!" I exclaimed, motioning around me. "Look, here can be where your desk can be." I pointed to the left wall, the space in front of it. "You can get some shelves put here for your supplies. And here–" I pointed to the space before the window at the back, "–is where you can paint on your easels. The natural light will be perfect!"

She followed my every move, hanging onto my every word, and nodded along with a joyful expression.

"I can't believe you've already thought about it," she admitted.

"Come here," I said, waving my hand for her to join me. She did and I wrapped an arm around her waist, stopping before the window. "You see that?"

"The perfect view," she realised, eyes wide as they took in the view of the garden, which I planned to show her next. "It's beautiful."

"You can paint everything there," I said with a nod. "The trees. The flowers. And this place isn't far from the train station, so we can take some day trips, too."

She leaned into my side gratefully. "Y/N, I love it. All of it."

My heart fluttered as she said that, it being all I wanted to hear.

"We can also get the coop for the chickens you wanted," I reminded her, before pointing out the window. "Right there. We'll get fresh eggs and they're cute – what's not to love?"

She pulled apart, arms still laced around me, and I waited to see what she thought. Her eyes twinkled in the sunlight coming from the window, matching the smile on her lips. Then she moved forward quickly, kissing me hard and leaving me no chance to react before she pulled away.

"I have no words," she said softly, caressing my cheek. "I'm so grateful."

My face was warm as I smiled shyly. "I'm glad. You know I'd do anything for you."

Her smile widened as she leaned in again. "Thank you."

Moving in with her was the best thing to happen to me, and my dream of being published had come true, so that was saying a lot. We both knew we could never get married and be together in public, but this was the next best thing. We had our own little slice of heaven to merely be, and it was perfect. She could paint as much as she liked and I could write as much as I liked, the two of us making a living and not having to rely on husbands we didn't love.

The only people who knew about the truth of our relationship was Steve. I knew I could never trust my family with the truth, knowing liking women was very different to becoming a writer. So, I was content with them living in denial about why Wanda and I lived together. Wanda was the same with her parents, but it was a few months into moving in when she decided she wanted to tell Pietro.

I was obviously hesitant, since Pietro was a standup guy, the reason I was even as successful as I was, but I wasn't sure if he'd be okay with discovering his sister liked women and I was the one she was with. Wanda was certain he'd understand though, since he was her twin and would only want the best for her. Plus, according to her, he loved me, so he wouldn't have a problem with it.

He was her twin at the end of the day, and nobody knew him better than her, so I trusted her to tell him and decided we could do it at dinner, inviting both him, Steve and Peggy over. Peggy didn't know about Wanda and I either, but I wanted to tell her, so we decided to do it together...

"We've been here three times and it still makes me jealous how peaceful it is," Peggy complimented as the five of us sat around the kitchen table. "No annoying neighbours. No nosy townspeople. It's perfect."

"Thank you," Wanda said with a friendly smile. "That's why we love it, too."

"Are you all finished?" I asked, standing up to grab mine and Wanda's plates.

"Oh, please, let me help," Pietro offered, about to stand up, but I shook my head.

"It's okay, I've got it," I politely declined, before stacking the plates together to take to the sink.

I glanced at Wanda and she gave me a knowing look before clearing her throat and looking to her brother.

"Piet, can you help me with something in my studio?" she asked him casually. "There's a lightbulb I can't quite reach."

He nodded and wiped his face with his napkin. "Er, sure." He looked to everyone else. "If you'll excuse me."

The two of them left the kitchen, leaving me with Steve and Peggy. I distracted myself with putting the plates in the sink before popping the kettle on, knowing they'd want tea.

"Dinner was lovely, Y/N, thank you for tonight," Steve started, easing the tension he knew I was feeling. I'd told him my intentions before inviting them and he was completely okay with the idea. "You and Wanda seem to be more and more comfortable every time we come here."

I leaned against the counter as I smiled gratefully at him, knowing he was giving me an opening to tell Peggy the truth.

"Yeah, we are," I said, eyes flickering to Peggy's as she watched on with interest. "We, er..."

My mouth went dry as the words I'd practiced in the mirror this morning escaped me. I'd only ever told Steve about Wanda and I, and that was by accident. I knew Peggy wouldn't judge me, but it was still terrifying to admit.

"Y/N, sweetie, are you okay?" Peggy asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Yes, sorry..." I just had to say it. No more overthinking. "Wanda and I are together. As more than more friends. I'm in love with her."

Peggy raised her brows with surprise, barely believing it, but then she glanced at Steve and knew I was being serious. I let out a breath of relief, glad that I'd finally said it.

She stood up from her seat and I was half-afraid she'd leave altogether, but she didn't. She walked to me and pulled me in for a hug, squeezing me gently.

"Thank you for trusting me with such an important thing," she said, pulling away and smiling at me gently. "I guess it makes sense. You both compliment each other well and make each other happy. It's beautiful to see."

"Thank you," I said, returning her smile. "That means a lot coming from you."

She nodded and glanced at her husband. "I take it Steve already knew."

He raised his hands in defence. "Hey, I basically figured it out myself!"

She rolled her eyes playfully and I couldn't help but laugh.

"He did," I backed him up. "And he was the only person to know, so I owe him a lot. He gave me the support I wanted when I had nobody else."

Peggy smiled endearingly at Steve before looking to me with kind eyes. "Well, now you're not alone. You have me, too."

"I know. I'm glad."

"Does anybody else know? Or is it just Steve and I?" she asked hesitantly.

"Just you two," I explained. "My family would never understand. Especially with Wanda and her history with my brother. Same with her family. But she's actually telling Pietro about us now. I can only hope he'll take it well."

Peggy was certain as she said, "I'm sure he will."

I made tea for all of us and joined Peggy and Steve at the table as we waited for the Maximoff twins' return. Eventually, Wanda returned with her brother in tow and judging by the smile on her face, I could only hope it went well. Though I noticed the tear streaks on her cheeks and joined her side with mild concern.

"Are you okay?" I asked, grabbing her hand, but I didn't get chance to hear a response as I felt myself being lifted off the ground.

"Y/N!" Pietro exclaimed in my ear, hugging me from behind. "Welcome to the family, sestra (sister)!"

He set me down and stepped beside his sister, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and tugging her close. A grin was directed my way as Wanda's cheeks dusted pink. She was glowing with happiness, her brother's opinion mattering the most, and it warmed my heart to witness.

"I see things went well," I noticed, before smiling at Pietro. "Thank you, Pietro. It means a lot to have your support. Though you know this doesn't make me your sister, right?"

"Yet," he pointed out, making me sigh. "You know, I always suspected you had the hots for my sister, but I could never be sure."

Now it was my turn to flush with embarrassment, especially when Steve and Peggy laughed from the sidelines.

"Wanda's happiness is all that matters to me," he continued, looking to his sister with a genuine smile. "I'm glad she picked the right Y/L/N."

I chuckled awkwardly, eyes falling to a nervous Wanda. "Me and you both, mate." He laughed, patting me on the back, and I gave him an appreciative nod. "Seriously, though, thank you, Pietro. Your approval means a lot."

"No problem," he said with a shrug. "I'm always here if you need me."

"As are we," Peggy added, before looking to Wanda. "Both of you. Anything you need, ever, just let us know. It's what we're here for."

"Thank you," Wanda said for both of us, and when she looked my way, I knew she was thinking the same thing I was.

We were lucky that the most important people in our lives knew the truth about us and were supportive. We couldn't have asked for anything more.

—

As promised, after spending the morning on my manuscript and Wanda with her commission, we went into the garden to do some gardening. And by we, I meant I was doing it as she attempted to help out beside me.

"Hey, I think there's something stuck here," Wanda said, fingers stuck in a pot of soil.

"Then pull it out," I said like it was obvious, trying not to laugh.

I continued to rake the plant beds before me so I could eventually plant some vegetable seeds when Wanda's adamant voice spoke up again.

"I think you should check it out, Y/N, I can't seem to get it."

"Wanda..."

"Come on!" she insisted, and I sighed dramatically before dropping my rake and heading towards her.

Kneeling down beside her, I took a peek in the plant pot and put my hand in, rooting around until my fingers found something metal.

"It seems to be a ring," I realised, pulling it out and dusting the soil off it. "Maybe the suppliers of the soil dropped it in accidentally. Or maybe a bird dropped it in the pot without you realising..." I chewed on my lip with thought. "Huh. Well, here you go."

I gave it back to Wanda and prepared myself to stand back up, but Wanda groaned and facepalmed.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" I asked with an amused smile.

She looked up at me through parted fingers. "It's my ring."

"How many times have I told you to stop wearing rings when we're gardening?!" I said questioningly, shaking my head. "Stuff like this always happens!"

She rolled her eyes and looked up to the sky. "Why am I in love with an idiot?"

"Wanda–"

"It's for you," she said, holding out the ring.

I furrowed my brows. "Well, why didn't you just– wait." My eyes widened as I realised what she was implying, feeling stupid for not realising sooner. "Is this– are you– huh?"

Wanda swallowed nervously before clutching the ring tightly and meeting my gaze. "I've been in love with you for a long time, you know that," she said softly, her accent thick with emotion. "The time we've spent here in our little safe haven has been the best of my life. And I... I know we live in a world that won't let us be together. But that hasn't stopped us."

My heart was hammering in my chest as Wanda offered me a small, nervous smile. We'd never talked about marriage since we were so content in our little bubble, but clearly she'd thought about it without me knowing. I guess I had, too. But I never expected either of us to do anything about it.

"I know we can never really be married, but what is marriage if not a union between two people who are in love anyway? I mean, we basically already have that." She snickered to ease her nerves, then licked her lips shakily, eyes tearing up. "I'm asking you to marry me and if you say yes, I'll know you're my wife and that's all that'll matter... so Y/N Y/L/N. Will you marry me?"

I didn't even need to think about it. Wanda was the love of my life and just like she'd said, the past three years had been the best. We could never truly be married in the eyes of the world, but she'd be my wife and that would be enough. She'd always be enough.

"Of course I will, Wanda," I answered, tears of happiness slipping from my eyes.

She raised her eyebrows. "Yes? You said yes?"

I laughed, nodding, and leaned forward to kiss her. She returned the favour, salty tears mingling between our lips, but it didn't matter because she was going to be my wife and that's all I could think about.

Our smiles broke the kiss and I wiped her tears away with my thumb before pressing another kiss to her lips.

"Here, let me put this on you," she said between laughter, hands fumbling as she tried to find mine.

I put out my hand and let her slide the ring on my finger. It was a simple silver band with a small, elegant gemstone sat on top, perfect for someone like me who didn't like anything too flashy.

"It's beautiful, Wanda, thank you," I said, smiling through my tears.

"I've been wanting to ask you for a while, but I wasn't sure you'd say yes," she admitted.

"Are you joking? Why wouldn't I?" I asked with an exploding happiness in my chest. "I'm so bloody in love with you, Wanda Maximoff."

She laced our fingers together as she nodded in agreement. "That's good. Because I'm in love with you, too."

And when she said that, it wasn't unlike anything she'd told me before. If she wasn't telling me she loved me, she was showing me in all sorts of ways. But this was different... this was the first time she'd told me as my fiancé. And then she'd soon be my wife. And it made me realise.

I'd spent so long thinking that if we were in a different life, we could have had it all. But we were getting it all now, so maybe, just maybe, this wasn't the wrong lifetime after all.

FIN.

[imatechbummerliketomholland]

I wish this trip never ends (sstbthw part 2) - h.h

Word count: 3768

Warning: angst, swear, mention of smoking

Pairing : harry holland

Request: no.

N/A: okay, i took me almost a whole month to write this but i'm kinda need to work on school too. Remember, english is not my first language, so be kind if you spot mistakes, i really tried my best. I asked you who the reader was supposed to end up with ... I'll let you figure it out but ... don't hate me for the end ... because after all ... it might not be the end. Don’t hesitate to tell me what you think of the fic! Love you all! xx

taglist : @angeliquekalampoka , @harryhollandsgirlfriend (the one and only harry holland's girlfriend to me)

ღღღ

previously - and you can find part 3

Restoring a relationship of trust and regaining the bond that you both had was particularly difficult. You had to learn to find your place in Harrison's life, but also in his relationship with Grace. You were roommates and friends, but it was complicated to plan meetings with Harrison's busy schedule. Between his job search after the cancellation of his Netflix series, his photo shoots, his dates with Grace, those with his family. It was getting harder and harder to find a moment to reunite with the two of you. It was without counting your schedule.

You were supposed to meet at noon for lunch at that restaurant Harrison told you about where he took his mother earlier this year, for Mother's Day. You felt uncomfortable going to such a place. It was very fancy; you had taken a look at the menu and you knew in advance that you would not be able to afford to split the bill. That was sometimes one of the downsides of being friends with Tom and Harrison. They sometimes forgot that their salary was significantly higher than yours. After all, they were still simple, good-natured guys, never saying no to a quick takeout meal or ordering pizza, drinking a beer at the local pub. And sometimes, they offered to go to prestigious places, not paying attention to money, wanting to please their friends or family.

Currently you were in your room. You were throwing countless of clothes across the room, trying to choose what you could wear to this lunch. Harry stopped dead when one of your dresses flew out of your room, right in front of his nose, blocking his way. You had left your door open and your spontaneity got the better of your best friend.

“Easy, Tiger. I had no idea your clothes had the capacity of Dr. Strange's cape.” He joked before coming into your bedroom.

You turned to find Harry leaning against your doorframe, a smirk encrusted on his face. You gave him an unamused frown and his smile widened. This wasn’t funny at all; you were stressed as hell. It’s not like you still had feelings for Harrison and try to impress him – to be honest, you still had feeling for your friend, but not as intense as before, you had drawn a definitive line on the possibility of a romantic relationship with him, which had helped you a lot. – But you didn’t want to be dressed down and looked like a clown.

“Come on Munchkin, it’s just a lunch. At worst, Harrison can still make it looks like he invited you out for charity, sort of “Make a Wish” event” Harry joked, in his significant humor.

“Go to hell, Robert. Don’t you have a pack bag to make, mister “I’m going to Spain to help my superstar brother to hold his tea while he’s filming”?”

“Rude… I’m a film director, now”

Not for that, you thought to yourself, but don't have the balls to tell your best friend. You didn't want to take this joke too far. You smiled at his cute pretending offended face. You pouted mockingly before biting your lip. You loved the dynamics of your relationship so much. Your humor, sarcasm, your outspokenness, that's what brought you together. Harry pulled you lightly from your closet with a comforting wink. He chose Yves Saint Laurent poppy red wool jersey flared pants that Tom gave you on your birthday. You smiled at his choice. You liked these pair of pants because they were sparkling with vitality, the color was flamboyant. Harry then gave you a satin pearl-colored shirt from Zara and you laughed at the drastic brand difference.

“Oh I see. A classy look but no more than £ 1000 that's pretty smart,” you joked.

The choice of your outfit once again proved the reality of hanging out with wealthy people. You were not poor; you could even be grateful for the life you had had. But it would never occur to you to give your friends clothes that were going over the miles and cents. To be honest, you wanted it. You wanted to live up to the gifts your friends sometimes gave you. But the truth seemed quite different: you had cried over the price of a used Rolex you wanted to give Tom for his birthday. Even having saved for 6 months, you could not afford such a gift.

“Shut up, don’t be so dramatic. Wear that necklace Harrison gave you for Christmas. I’m sure you’ll look fine”

“Thank you,Baz…I guess. ”

You kissed his cheek and then invited him out of your room so you could get ready. It didn't take you more than thirty minutes, time to put on the outfit your best friend had chosen and to put on light makeup. When you were finally ready, you walked to Tom's room. He had offered to take you to the restaurant where you were to join Harrison. But when you got to his ajar door, you could hear the soft sound of a slight snoring. You let out a chuckle before ordering an Uber. You knew he had spent almost a full month in Los Angeles and hadn't returned until early last week. You wanted to leave him as much as possible alone so that he could rest before his trip to Spain for the reshoots of his film Uncharted. Tom was a boy who loved being in touch with those close to him, but you also felt his need to recharge his batteries. That's why you preferred to let him sleep.

You went down to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water before leaving. When your Uber arrived, you left a note on the refrigerator to let the boys know you were safely gone. It was little everyday things that made you look normal that you enjoy. A post-it on the fridge, a table organizing household chores had been drawn up. Note to yourself; It was Harrison's turn to take care of the laundry.

☙♡❧

You had really hoped this was just a grotesque nightmare. That it wasn't real. He was going to arrive; he was just stuck into the traffic. Isn't it?

But you were there, waiting for over an hour and a half, without any news from your friend. Some people watched you with pity eyes, the others didn't give you any attention. You internally thank Harry for choosing your outfit. You didn't look like a lost kitten in this prestigious setting. It didn't prevent you from being ashamed right now. The waiter had urged you to order several times but you had told him that you were expecting someone, that he would arrive any minute. The last time, you didn't know if you were trying to convince him or yourself.

But it never happened. Harrison never came to your dinner. You were alone, sitting at a table, pathetically waiting for your friend to show up. It didn't look like him. He had never stand you up before. And not to improve this embarrassing moment, the waiter came to you again. This time, with a man in a suit. He was elegant, carried himself proud but diplomatic. They stopped at your table, a tight smile on their faces. No doubt the man in the suit was to be the manager.

"Miss, my employee told me that you seemed to have occupied this table for a while now. I am sorry to tell you that if you do not order a few things, you will have to leave the establishment"

You looked at him with misty eyes. You have never been so ashamed in your life. You just nod your head, not trusting your voice just yet. After taking a deep breath, you finally apologize to them before telling them that you are going to leave. The manager of the restaurant, out of politeness awkwardly apologizing for this uncomfortable situation.

You've finished the Dry Martini that you allowed yourself to, paying for it with whatever pride you have left. You pulled your cellphone out of your purse and decided to call one of the boys. After three rings, he picked up.

"Hey ... can you please pick me up?"

Your voice was shaky, you were so ashamed but it was less distressing than having to walk the Walk of Shame to your house or cry in an uber. You hung up and shared your location. You left the lobby, leaving the restaurant, standing in front of the entrance to the establishment. The air refreshed your cheeks burning with shame. Luckily it wasn't raining today. Which was pretty nice compared to that early summer you had had.

When you saw Harry's car pulled up in front of you, you slid into the passenger seat without a word. The curly redhead gave you a heartwarming smile but you definitely could see a spark of annoyance in his eyes. You sigh, resigned while shrugging your shoulders. It was obvious that your friendship with Harrison was still shaky.

"I'm sorry, love. He's a jerk about it."

Coincidentally, like a mitigating circumstance, your phone vibrated, receiving a notification from Harrison. You were chewing your lip with a sort of anguish and irritation, watching the message the blond had sent you.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. My agent called me for a pretty urgent casting briefing. She's detained me until now. Are you still okay for this dinner?"

You were angry. You were mature enough and had known the boys long enough to understand their obligations. The fact that Harrison had a lastminute meeting with his agent and missed your dinner wasn't a problem. The problem was, he made you wait for over an hour and a half before notifying you. You wanted him to call you to let you know, or a simple text just after he knew for the meeting. You typed a short answer, shorter than this was impossible. "No". You rested your head against the headrest, turning your gaze to your best friend.

"Hey, he's a Netflix star now" you replied to his last words.

Your voice cracked on the last syllables and your eyes filled with tears. You weren't usually that emotional but the anguish and shame really took over you. Harry noticed, unsure of how to instantly respond to your distress. He would have liked to stop on an emergency lane to take you in his arms but he already had 2 penalties to pay, respectively for speeding and prohibited parking ... a third fine would not be really welcome. He simply placed his hand on your thigh, drawing circles on your pants to comfort you. He simply moved his hand to shift gears and instantly rested it on your leg whenever he had the chance. This gesture soothed you, enjoying the touch, grateful to have someone as your best friend to mop up your pain.

☙♡❧

Arriving at the apartment, no sign of Harrison. When you walked in the kitchen, you saw Tom sitting at the counter, scrolling his phone. He looked up at you, not directly noticing your annoyed expression.

"Wow..you're ... gorgeous. I love these pants on you"

You smiled, a little amused by the compliment. Of course he loved the pants, it was a gift from him. But your smile didn’t reach your eyes. With a look on your expression then on the clock, the actor understood that something went wrong. Harry was right behind and still no trace of Harrison. It was suspicious. Tom gave you a worried look.

"Do I have to ask…Never mind, I’m still going to ask. How was lunch with Harrison?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask him? Oh wait... right, he didn't show up" you said sarcastically although you could hear the hurt in your voice.

Tom frowned, biting the inside of his lower lip in annoyance. Harrison was his best mate since forever and he knew him so well. It seemed strange from Harrison to not show up. The blond has told him he was happy to see you again and walking through this whole awkward “feeling situation” because he didn’t want to lose you. In a quick movement, he rose from his stool to walk around the counter. The next second, he took you in his comforting arms and you finally let yourself go under the sight of the two Holland brothers.

“It seems like you need a break of all this shit” Tom said while he ran his fingers through your hair.

You let a little laugh escape through your tears. He wasn't wrong. You really needed to get away from this whole situation for a moment. But how? Harry watched the scene unsure of what to do. You were his best friend and it seemed like the solace you found was never in his arms. He had tried in the car, however, as best he could. He walked over to the counter to make you both a cup of tea. It seems that as cliché as it sounds, tea comforts you, as the English person you used to be. As the redhead waited patiently for the water to boil, a flash of genius - according to him - crossed the glare of his eyes.

“Why doen't she come with us to Spain?”

His brother's words seemed to suit Tom, who released his hold on you. You opened your eyes wide, not sure of what you had just heard. Go to Spain, with them? Once again, you knew you were going to argue on this proposition. The idea was not bad, Spain seemed a rather pleasant country. But you had just graduated and had a student job to save as much as possible. However, you could not afford to leave for several days in Spain, at the last minute. Plus, what were you going to do while Tom was filming and Harry was assisting him? He was sure the film's production crew wasn't going to give you a pass because Tom had decided.

“Yeah! That’s it, you’re coming with us”

“Tom, I have a student job. I can’t just…decide to go to Spain.”

“You never take a leave, come on. It’s not negotiable”

You were looking at Harry for help but he just shrugged. After all, he was the one who had initiated the idea of ​​including you on the trip. You were trying to find a valid excuse to stay home. You really didn't want to impose yourself.

“I can’t afford that” you said, trying your best to convince him to quit the idea.

“I don’t care, it’s not even a problem. You coming to Spain with us.”

"Omg, does Z dominate you in bed to make you so bossy in life?"

Harry almost spitted his tea and laughed out loud while Tom gave you shocked eyes with pinky cheeks. You had always been sassy but hanging out with the boys had made you even more sassy than ever. How many times haven't you heard Tuwaine or Harry make fun of Harrison or Tom on the sex subject? Being a girl seemed to make you an untouchable character. The boys had never teased you about your relationships or your sexual partners. And while you've always had feelings for Harrison, you've had your own experiences. Anyway, you had just gone with the flow and Tom's brand-new romantic relationship with his co-star gave you the perfect opportunity.

“That's not the point.” stammered the actor.

Your smile widened, proud of your joke and the way Tom reacted. You heard Harry clear his throat. He had his phone in his hand and his own smile didn't bode well for you.

"The production is okay but it's at Tom's expense."

“You got to be kidding me…”

☙♡❧

You ended up in Spain with two of your best friends. You knew you had limited time before Tom had to fly back to Los Angeles for some Spider-man: No Way Home reshoots. So, you enjoyed as much as possible: accompanying the boys to the golf course - even though you weren't very involved in the sport -, spending time to visit touristic places when they were on set, talking with Rachael and other people from the set. You really enjoyed your trip.

On Wednesday evening you went out to a restaurant with Tom, Harry and two other friends/tom’s colleagues. You couldn't deny that it was fun. You had the opportunity to sunbathe a little while walking through the streets of Madrid. Spain was doing you good and not once did you think about your wobbly friendship with Harrison. You've just left the restaurant when a few fans politely show up to take pictures with Tom. You couldn't help but smile at the thought of how kind Tom had always taken in a few snaps when his fans approached him respectfully - and there weren't too many of them -. You sighed with pleasure before stepping away from the group. You leaned against a wall and took out the packet of cigarettes that Tom had asked you to keep in your clutch bag. Being an occasional smoker, he wouldn't blame you if you took one from him. You tilted your head back to admire the dark starry night when you felt a presence by your side. You narrowed your eyes in mischief as you looked sideways: Harry was there, his nose wrinkled from your cigarette. He didn't like it too much Silence filled your bubble despite the hubbub outside. You were in public and it was not surprising to meet travelers and Madrid residents mingling with the crowd to enjoy this pleasant evening.

"I wish this trip never ends." You finally said, breaking the silence.

Harry didn't know what to say to that. Instead, he was just looking at you. You were a little tanned, the Madrid sun had done wonders on you; your loose hair framed your face and the summer dress you had chosen for the restaurant looked great on you: It was a short red floral summer dress with a shingle collar. Light enough to keep you from suffocating but decent to wear on any casual occasion. You were beautiful, stunning. His heart exploded at the sight of you, so much that it hurt a few times.

"I wish I had been there for you more." he finally confessed

You finally turned your head towards him and shrug your shoulders, smiling shyly but sincerely.

“You were working, Baz”

“I meant…not only here in Spain. I’m sorry to have let you down recently”

You give him a confused look. He hadn't been a bad friend but he kept implying it. You just shook your head negatively to brush his words away. Harry had always been important to you. He had been the first to step towards you. It was him who introduced you to the rest of the gang. He had always been concerned about you.

The night you met, you immediately clicked up with him. And to be honest, for a moment, you thought he liked you that night. But he never took that step towards you and you never did either. You dreaded that if you kissed him, he would think you were interested in his notoriety by proxy. So you just acted like any reasonable person would - accept the status he gave you. And the second time he asked you to join him with his brother and his friends, you met Harrison and your heart exploded.

"I'm glad you brought me here"

“I'm happy you accepted to come.”

“I didn't really have the choice, Baz” you joked.

He laughed slightly. You weren't wrong, he and Tom had practically dragged you onto the plane, leaving you no choice to be by their side. But you could only thank them, especially Harry who had the idea. You took another hit on your cigarette before leaning back to check out where Tom was with his fans. He seemed to be talking with the girls and didn't seem overwhelmed. So, you didn't want to interrupt him and were just going to wait for him to finish. Harry played with his hands nervously, looking straight ahead and then at you. He seemed to be repeating this game for several seconds before finally asking the question that was in his mind.

“Have you heard from Harrison?” Harry asked quite casually

“He sent me several texts to apologize and wished me to have a good time in Madrid.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

You swallow hard before looking at him. There was an indecipherable glint in his eyes and you weren't sure what to make of it. You drew another puff from your cigarette, maybe that would save you from entering this conversation. But Harry's presence was all around you and you couldn't really escape. So you've decided to be honest.

“It’s complicated. I suppose so...”

“Mhmm”

“But my friendship with Haz is important, I don't want to lose him because of it.”

“Yeah, you can't imagine how well I understand you” he sighed

“What do you mean? Who’s the lucky girl..or guy ?”

Harry turned to you frankly and you did the same, stubbing out the half-smoked cigarette. You are well aware that the conversation was taking a more serious turn. He moistened his lips and walked over to you. Harry was full of things: he was full-loving, sarcastic, talented, daring, impertinent. But Harry was mostly awkward when it came to love. Not just an attraction, no, love with real feeling. Delicately, hesitantly, he reached out to your cheek, stroking it with the back of his fingers, cautiously. You were frozen, your eyes fixed on him admiring his audacity.

"She's the most beautiful girl I ever seen." he said with a small smile.

Harry walked over to you and your heart was pounding at breakneck speed. Harry had ... feelings for you? You were really confused. Since when had he developed his feelings? Why didn't he tell you about it? Why hadn't he tried anything so far? So, were you right from the start? Was there a tension between you since the beginning of your friendship, since your met? But above all, did you want him to take that step? Instinctively, your body responded. You parted your lips and closed your eyes. You enjoyed the warmth of his hand on your cheek and were waiting for the touch of his lips. But it never happened.

"Hey baz, y/n..we're going back to the hotel" Tom said, taking his eyes off his phone. "I…Mhmm sorry, did I interrupt something?"

[rosachaotic]

Remember when i said Talbott and Cereza werent over? Yeah.

I promised yall i would write a continuation of this. For those dont remember that happend, here

Anyways enjoy the fanfic!

Warning: none?? Its more just angst then fluff.(but sorry for my bad english and wording im not very good at writing and I wrote this on mobile)

It's been two months and few days since the big argument Talbott and Cereza had on the hospital wings.

This all happened because Cereza tried to do all the investigation and take down R by herself, but of course that plan failed and it backfired on her very badly. She fought the wizard in white and almost died because of it, losing her consciousness after he ran away, fortunately she was found by Moody who was searching for her after her twin brother said she went missing and was taken to the hospital wings.

She was scolded for it of course, and after that her friends went to visit her. All of her friends were worried for her, especially her twin brother Michael who jumped into her hugging her tight, crying, not realizing her whole body was in pain before he quickly let her go.

After a long chat with her friends and twin brother Talbott got in but he didn't look happy, he asked for everyone to leave him and Cereza alone because he wanted to talk to her, everyone left confused to what was going on.

Outside people could hear both Talbott and Cereza arguing with each other, Talbott was disappointed that Cereza lied to everyone including him about not having any information that could be useful for Circle ot Khanna and that she did is by herself he thought she was dead she could have died because of her reckless decision, Cereza tried to explain herself by saying she thought what she was doing was the right because she wanted to protect everyone which didn't make Talbott feel any less worse but the opposite. Both kept arguing with each other until Talbott storms out of hospital wings not looking at his friend's faces who were waiting outside, Penny tried to stop him but he just ignored her and walked away, once everyone back inside to the hospital they saw Cereza holding back her tears but she did a very job at it once everyone was inside and started crying.

----

Cereza rarely saw Talbott after what happened, she only saw him on the classes they shared but even then he didn't even talk to her, she decided to let it be not wanting to bother Talbott and she thought that this was the end of their relationship. This broke her alot, the happy girl that was always smiling and giggling all the time wasn't there anymore, not only she felt bad for what she did but she thought she lost one of the people she loved the most.

That was until Cereza got a letter in the morning, Andre gave it to her and said "It's from Talbott." She quickly opened the letter and read the paper that said:

"We need to talk. Meet me after dinner in the courtyard."

-Talbott

She thanked Andre for the letter who nodded and said "I hope everything works out for you guys." And left, Cereza also hoped that things would work out but she couldn't help but feel anxious about it. What did he want to talk about after dinner? Why did it have to wait?

"Does he want to end our relationship once and for all?" Cereza thought all day, Cereza knew how to be patient but this waiting was killing her.

During dinner she barely ate anything, Rowen(M!Rowan) was trying to make her eat something but she couldn't.

"You have to eat something, you can't sleep with an empty stomach." Said Rowen, worried for his best friend trying to make her eat. He knew about the letter, Cereza told him about it and he knew how nervous and anxious she was because of it.

"I can't, this wait is killing me.'' Cereza said anxiously.

She then looked around, noticing that Talbott wasn't at the ravenclaw table or at any table of the other houses.

"Did you see Talbott walk in?" Asked Cereza, still looking around, Rowen shook his head.

"No, I didn't, I don't think he is coming for dinner today." Rowen took a bite of his food as he said that.

"Why? Do you know about something??"

"No, no, but...Penny said she didn't see all day, he didn't go to any of his classes." Cereza felt her heart drop, this wasn't like him, he would NEVER miss any class, if there was something Talbott was proud of himself is that he was an excellent student.

"This isn't like him…" Whispered Cereza."I cant, i have to go."

"Wha- B-But dinner time isn't over yet!"

"I'm sorry Rowen, but I have to go."

"...Okay, good luck Cere!"

Cereza nodded and left the great hall running, she opened the big door to the corridor and rushed past the students to the courtyard.

As she got outside she looked around.

There he was, sitting on the tree trunk looking at the stars just like he would when he waited for her for their dates.. Cereza sighed with relief knowing that Talbott was okay...or was he?

She took a deep breath and walked toward him, stopping right before him.

"Hey…" Talbott jumped at hearing Cereza's voice, he was probably so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear her walk in.

"Oh, Sorry I didn't hear you coming in…" Said Talbott awkwardly.

"Its okay…"

"..."

"Penny said she didn't see you all day, you also didn't come for dinner as well."

"I felt sick all day and I wasn't hungry."

"Oh...I'm sorry, I hope you're better now."

Silence took over, the only sound they heard was the cold night wind, making things kinda awkward. Until Talbott coughed and said

"Sit here with me." He tapped right next to him, Cereza then climbed the tree trunk and sat right next to him.

Again, the awkward silence.

Cereza then looked at the sky, it was a pretty starry night, she could see some shooting stars.

" The night is beautiful tonight isn't it?" Asked Talbott, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. It is beautiful."

"It reminds me of when we used to have our dates here, you would make wishes for the shooting stars."

"Stupid wishes, I know." Cereza giggled at her own stupid self.

"I never thought they were stupid." Said Talbott.

"Even the one where I wished for a giant puffskein?"

Cereza shook her head smiling a little bit and she also noticed Talbott was smiling a little as well, she missed seeing him smile, but they weren't there to watch the stars.

"Hey, if that's your wish, who am i to judge?

"Talbott-"

"Yeah?"

"Listen, I-I know you said you wanted to talk to me in your letter, but I want to say something first." Said Cereza nervously, while staring at the floor.

"...Go ahead."

She took a deep breath and then looked at his warm striking hazel, who met her golden eyes. Then she finally said:

"...I'm sorry."

"...Wha-"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Talbott. It was very dumb of me try to all of that on my own and it was and it was insensitive and bad of me not to tell you guys the information I had about R."

"Cereza-"

"I should have trusted you all to defend yourselves without my help, I shouldn't have lied to you guys about not finding anything."

"Cereza listen-"

"I shouldn't have done that, I could have died and i didn't thought about how you, my family and the rest of our friends would feel about it if I died, you were right when you said things wouldn't get any better if I-"

"CEREZA!"

Cereza jumped at Talbott who raised his voice at her, he gripped her shoulders and made her look at him, his eyes staring at her but he didn't look angry he looked sad.

"Just...listen to me please."

Cereza nodded and whispered "sorry" and let him talk.

"Look...after what happened, i couldn't stop thinking about that night on hospital wings. That night kept playing in my head over and over every time I went to bed...I felt awful"

"Huh-"

"I felt awful, Cereza. After I calmed down I realized what I just did and how I shouldn't have talked to you that way, but it was too late, I was already at my dorm and I couldn't bring myself to come back."

"..."

"I was ashamed."

"Is that the reason why you were avoiding me?"

Talbott nodded, he took a deep breath as if was holding himself to not cry.

"I thought you hated me."

"..."

"So I avoided you and everyone else as well, it was painful."

"Tal I-"

"I should have thought of your feelings, how were you feeling that made you do all of that yourself."

"...You had all the rights to react the way you did, it was a stupid and dangerous decision that I made."

"But I still shouldn't have said those things to you."

"..."

"I let my emotions take over me, my heart dropped when I saw Moody carrying you to the hospital wings....blood all over you and you unconscious and i thought i lost you..."

"..."

"When i heard you were alive, I was so happy and relieved...but when i heard about why you did that when I heard Michael talking to Moody I...I dont know what came over me, i was angry and disappointed"

"...I know-"

"Not only on you, but mostly on myself"

"..W-why? Why were you angry at yourself??"

"Because I thought I failed you, I couldn't protect you, I couldn't be there for you."

"But it wasn't your fault-"

"Let me finish..."

"..."

"But that doesn't excuse what I did, i didnt think about what you were feeling, how you were feeling. Your feelings that made you do this and your feelings after it...I called you selfish but I was even more selfish…"

"Tal…"

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's cheek, who jumped at her touch but then rested his face on her hand holding her hand even more close to his face. He closed his eyes while he felt her warmth on his skin again after so long.

"I'm sorry Cereza, I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for everything."

"I forgive you."

Talbott's eyes quickly opened as he looked at her, he was surprised but it also looked like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders. She continued:

"But...do you forgive me as well?"

"Of course I do."

Cereza also felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders as well, she smiled as she felt tears run down her face and she had to take off her glasses to clean it.

"I-I thought...I thought you called me to end everything between us." Said Cereza as she cried while she tried to clean her tears off her face. She was shaking a little and her breath was also shaky.

"I would never do that." He whispered. "If anything, I was more afraid of you wanting to break up with me."

Talbott got closer to her and hugged tight on to his body, catching her by surprise.

Cereza returned the tight hug, smiling while tears rolled down her face, Talbott also had tears rolling down his face who tried to hide by hiding his face on her shoulder but his shaky breath and the way he sniffed quietly gave it away he was crying. Cereza's hand went to Talbott's hair and was caressing his hair.

"I thought I was going to lose you." Whispered Talbott, not wanting to let her go.

"I thought the same thing…" Cereza whispered back, kissing his head.

Both of them stopped hugging each other as they cleaned their faces but still kept close, Talbott's hand travelled to Cereza's face and caressed her cheek, his hand was cold as always but Cereza never cared about that, she liked his touch.

They both stared at each other, they both knew it was awkward the way they stared at each other but they did not care, their gazes were filled with intense love.

Talbott kept his hand on Cereza's cheek and kissed her other cheek gently but his face didn't move away, in fact he kept face very close to hers moving only a little to her lips, their noses were touching each other and they could feel their heavy breaths, Cereza closed her eyes as she felt her heartbeat go very fast and her face was red, Talbott heart also felt like it was going to jump from his mouth and even his ears were dark red. He brushed his nose on to hers but then kissed her nose, he caressed her cheek once more smiling, Cereza then opened her eyes and saw his smile and smiled back at him. Both of them giving loving smiles at each other.

"I love you." Said Talbott.

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's face and to his cheek as well, as she sighed and smiled again.

"I love you too, meu amor.'

Talbott's smile grew as he heard again the loving way Cereza called him using her first language, while they didn't have their first kiss yet what matters is that they were both together again.

"Just promise to me that you will be more careful." Said Talbott.

Cereza nodded.

"I will...but, do you promise to never leave my side?" Asked Cereza, Talbott chuckled and said:

"I promise, my sunshine."

[more-than-a-princess]

While Shinobu appeared to be terribly apologetic through it all, Sonia just chuckled and shook her head as they walked.Drastic Misbehavior? More like the most exciting trip to the cinema she'd had in awhile, mostly as her limited edition purchases were left intact (and her expensive dress was ruined). "Oh, do not worry about me!" She beamed, sliding her handbag and shopping back up further towards her elbow so she could wave her hand dismissively. "Truth be told, I am not unaccustomed to vitriol, though my staff at home tries to limit how much I am exposed to. Anti-monarchists are prevalent, but this is the first time someone has shown such venom towards me simply for being me! Not a princess, but Sonia: and that is all rather exciting, as long as my merchandise was spared from being splashed by the drink!"

Maybe she was supposed to be ashamed, or angry, or simply very sad, but Sonia felt none of those things. By her own classmates and friends, she was often described as odd, or peculiar, or perhaps the most flattering, the Dark Queen. As long as she was still one of them, a normal high school girl, she embraced all of the labels that had nothing to do with being the Ultimate Princess. But her new friend was a polite sort, maybe even to a fault, and Sonia gave her a reassuring smile and squeeze of her hand in support. "I shall endeavor to do my part too, Yaguchi-san," She told her, "I will not hesitate to ensure every one of your dates understands that I am simply your friend and do not stand in their way of true love and romance. Though I do apologize that I have read you wrong. It is just that from what Hara-san said, it appeared as if you went on dates with different people very quickly, without much of a long-term relationship to be had. I am very sorry for the misunderstanding."

Even if Shinobu appreciated her frank opinion, Sonia knew she had gone too far with that assessment. But it wasn't her place to comment on her friend's love life, despite the fact she'd mistakenly ended up in the middle of it mostly due to a lack of awareness on her part. Inquiring about the koi seemed like the perfect segway into something far more pleasant and intriguing, until Shinobu brought to light that while her mother had liked them, she no longer lived with her family. It was something Sonia had hoped for where her own family was concerned, that if there was no way forward to properly reconcile that her parents would separate. But aristocrats, and the Royal Family in particular, in Novoselic did not participate in divorce: it was in direct opposite of the message of the Makango Catch, a tradition so important to her nation that failing marriages in the most traditional families stayed the course until a spouse finally died.

She didn't wish for either option on anyone, but the prospect of her friend having an incomplete family made Sonia frown. Surely not all mothers were as exacting and critical as her own: the kind and loving mothers she saw in films and on television certainly had to be inspired by real life. "I hope she would be proud of you, looking after the fish in her stead," She spoke up, once the silence between them had gone on uncomfortably long. Nothing like family drama to deflate her enthusiasm, even temporarily. "But if you are certain, I would be very honored and blessed indeed to take this opportunity to feed them! Thank you ever so much, Yaguchi-san. I shall follow your example! After all, I have learned from Tanaka-san that feeding an animal too much is detrimental to their health: luckily, he was able to rectify my mistake in time."

She watched as Shinobu produced the bag of appropriate food and demonstrated how to feed the koi, who were already beginning to gather, likely at the sight of Shinobu. She laughed as the fish began to thrash about in excitement, splashing both girls in their quest for food: the pond had become a whirlwind of bubbles and scales that glittered in the sunlight. "Oh, they are very spirited indeed!" She exclaimed in-between giggles before kneeling in the grass beside her friend. "I would like to try to feed them both ways, if you do not mind. I understand I am unknown to them, but if I do not try, that is the only way I am certain not to succeed. May I?"

Setting her purse and shopping bag aside, she took a few pellets from the food bag in hand and sprinkled them into the water, the fish causing pandemonium below the pond's surface in order to claim a piece of food for their own. Considering she was already a mess, a little extra pond water was nothing to fret about and it was worth it to see the fish so energetic. "Now I shall try to feed them in hand!" Sonia declared, reaching for a few more pellets and, with a deep breath, scooted closer to the edge of the pond and dipped her hand beneath the water.

The pond was rendered still for a moment, Sonia peering into the water as she watched the fish bob some distance away from her hand in hesitation, assessing the situation and if the proffered food, and hand, were safe to approach. Finally, a koi with predominantly red scales swam forward, taking the lead and was rewarded with several pellets in succession, its mouth moving to grip around Sonia's index finger in an underwater plea for more. Sonia gasped, surprised at first before grinning and reaching for more pellets with her free hand.

"Look, Yaguchi-san!" She urged, though it was obvious as to where their attention should be focused. "I have earned the trust of a new friend. Its mouth feels so peculiar and different, as if it is its way of bestowing a kiss upon my fingers! How very forward of you, Koi-san: we have only just met!" She giggled, dropping her other hand beneath the surface with more pellets which, in turn, attracted two more fish. It wasn't long until Sonia's hands were fresh out of pellets and, carefully, she removed her fingers from their mouths and her hands from the water. Though this presented a new predicament: how could she hold her bags with both hands dripping wet?

"I have escalated the messy state I am in, but it was worth it," She smiled at Shinobu with an apologetic shrug. "Thank you so much for allowing me this opportunity. But perhaps I should tidy myself up now, if you would be so kind to show me the way?"

More often than not, Shinobu would prefer to simply move past that comment. The likes of Miss Hara, Miss Ichinose, and the others made for a poor conversation topic, and she was loathe to give them more attention than they deserved, even when they weren't around to appreciate it. Still, Sonia's observations weren't wrong, though the truth of the matter was more complicated than her solution would allow for. "No, I don't believe it to be a very effective strategy either. Still, it's the one they've chosen to adopt, and if nothing else, they're remarkably persistent."

It was hard to remember when it had started. When they'd first come to Hope's Peak, maybe? Almost two years ago, then. "And regrettably, were I to make some generalized statement about finding the practice mildly unpleasant, I doubt it would be listened to." She shrugged, resigned, albeit without too much emotional investment one way or another. "You heard Miss Hara. Many of them are convinced that they love me, regardless of how many times we've spoken, or whether I've shown them any personal affection." Even that was spoken without any particular intonation. It was, regrettably, a fact of their life.

The obvious follow-up question was, why did she agree to go on dates with any of them, if they weren't to her tastes or interests. That answer was far more complicated and not easily explained in a short walk. "Still, actions like Miss Hara's are rather unusual. Typically, they stay away from Anzu, and seldom interrupt my training or competitions. I'll take the steps to ensure that such drastic misbehavior isn't directed towards you again, Miss Nevermind." Even if they spent little more time together, Sonia was right. If the fangirls decided that inconveniencing the likes of Sonia, Miss Sato, Miss Fujisaki, or any other girl that they so much as spoke to, things would get out of hand quickly.

With a small frown, she tilted her head to look at Sonia, unsure of why exactly she was apologizing. "Everyone has a perspective, Miss Nevermind, and I've appreciated, both at the fundraiser and now, that you give your honest opinion, rather than say what you believe I'd prefer to hear." Whether or not it was truly a lonely existence, Shinobu wasn't sure. If there was something wrong with it, it was likely in Shinobu themselves, their twisted husk existence. "And, for point of clarification, I don't prefer to date multiple people at once. I only ever date a single person at a time, despite how others might describe my reputation." Of course, true romance was beyond them, and almost certainly always would be.

Once they'd made it inside the estate, and Sonia hadn't fallen, Shinobu was pulled over to the koi pond after her. Once she was in view, the fish began to surface, eagerly staring up at the pair. "It's said they have a remarkably short memory, and yet they always remember who feeds them." Shinobu frowned, tapping her finger at her cheek, right beneath her scar. There was no harm in Sonia seeing things, in a vacuum, but if she were still here when their father returned home, it would be troublesome. It would be better simply to take her inside, get the clothing, and leave.

However, she seemed rather excited by the prospect, and if it made no difference, there wasn't a compelling reason not to show her. "The pool has been here for centuries, in various configurations, but the koi are a recent addition. My mother liked them." As she'd liked many things, but like so many things she professed to care about, she'd left them behind rather easily, without a thought for what might become of them. "When she moved out of our family home, it fell to me to handle them. My father is too busy."

Keeping that information from Sonia was pointless. In time, she'd come to understand the broken structure of the Yaguchi family, so hiding it felt like deception for deception's sake. Besides, more important things demanded her attention, and she finally let go of Sonia's hand. "It's near enough their feeding time that it wouldn't be disruptive to their appetite to eat now." Sliding open the door in the small shed attached to the main house, Shinobu produced a bag of high-quality branded fish food, bringing it over to Sonia. "If feeding them is something you'd like to do, Miss Nevermind, you may as well take the opportunity while it's available to you."

They stepped up to the side of the pond, bag in hand. "It's enough simply to drop the food in." Demonstrating, she reached inside and sprinkled a few pellets over the water, quickly devoured by the hungry fish. "Or, you can try to hand-feed them. There's no guarantee they'll take to it, given that they don't know you, but if I'm here, they should be rather more at ease." Carefully kneeling down, she scooped a few more of the pellets into her hand, and gently lowered it into the pond, such that her palm was just beginning to take on water.

Immediately, the fish swam closer, eager to eat. "It might seem as though they're about to bite you, but their teeth are far back in their throat, far deeper than they could swallow something whole." Shinobu Yaguchi never smiled, and was not even entirely sure that she could. Still, there was a faint contentedness as the fish ate from her hand. "If they press their mouths around your fingers, you need only pull your hand back gently and they'll release." Standing back up, she held the bag out to Sonia. "Would you like to try, Miss Nevermind?"

[bumbershots]

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER FOUR: SILENCE COMES AND GOES

Author’s note: Hello! We continue with this, I would like to thank everyone once again for all the likes and reblogs the story has gotten so far, couldn’t be happier! Enjoy (:

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.9K **

It is possible that Harry is ignoring the big elephant in the room, as he spreads some jam in his crumpet, well aware of Fernando and Jack exchanging knowing looks. He takes a bite of the savoury treat and hopes none of them dare to confront him, at the same time he wants to be questioned about why he hasn't called Alma yet.

Harry spent the last two weeks grumpy and frustrated.

He's called his therapist way too many times. He has no idea where he went wrong in his healing process. They were back to square one, whispered his tired heart.

Jack is surprised too, his friend got on so well with Alma at the party and apparently even went the extra mile asking for her number then he spent the following fourteen days acting as if she didn’t exist. Didn't even text her like Gemma suggested. He sips his coffee and sighs for the millionth time that day.

The musician is infuriated at himself and desperate that he wants to have Fernando demand an explanation for his behaviour towards his sister. Harry's not a confrontational guy, but he's going mad. Might be losing it. He wanted to scream at the two men before him that he did plan on calling Alma, but then he got so sad. Now he's afraid it's too late.

"Do you want another one?" Fernando holds the plate with crumpets in front of Harry who takes one more and thanks him before grabbing the jam. "Do you reckon you'll be man enough to call my sister within the next couple of days?" Harry chokes on his food while Jack's laughter booms through their home.

Nobody has ever called him out like that. Harry's still unsure whether to be grateful or scared. Maybe a bit of both he thinks after composing himself again from the fit of coughs, he knows Fernando is still waiting for an answer.

"Is she upset about it?" A hint of relief and pride linger on Harry's voice. Jack shakes his head, knowing that he's avoiding the question. Something he's very good at.

"That's not what I asked." Fernando's clipped tone leaves no room for the musician to beat around the bush anymore.

"I was really nervous about calling her, kept putting it off until days turned into weeks... I'm not sure how to go about it," he plays with his rings and looks away from the inquisitive gaze of his companions.

"How did you get Taylor to go out with you?"

"What?" Harry and Jack ask at the same time.

"You must've asked her I guess," Fernando shrugs. "What is so scary about Alma that puts you off? Are you interested in just a shag and you're worried she'll decline or tell the media about it?" Harry is shaking his head vigorously and the dark haired architect leans a bit closer towards him, "you're so full of sh-”

"Alright let's take a break," Jack's soothing tone brings his house mate back from the rage path he was following. But Harry knew that he was right.

It had been a year already, he moved to a new house, one where his ex never set foot into and still her ghost was everywhere. He has this crazy need to destroy everything that can relate to her. Her favourite cardigan is kept away in a box full of Polaroids and books that are all her.

The real reason why he didn't dare to call Alma is because whatever he felt at the beginning of his previous relationship, or any other one, was at least ten times less intense, than what he was feeling now. Seeing the menace before them, his heart and mind decided to leave him courage-less towards the situation. It's less painful to think what could've been than to know it and see it being taken away from you. Again.

But he deserves to be happy, that's what Gemma reminded him the other day.

"I gotta go," Fernando announces before rising from his seat, walking inside the house and upstairs to his room. Jack tries to tidy up the table a bit, not daring to look at his apparently mute friend. When Fernando comes back down he steps outside to the patio where they had brunch, one last glance to a very ashamed Harry and he sighs. "Brigit's Bakery Classic Afternoon Tea Bus. Alma’s been dying to get tickets but never has the time to actually book it," he explains adjusting his jacket's collar. "It's not too late." With that he turns on his heel and leaves the house.

Harry takes their mugs and places them in the sink, he notices Jack is going around the kitchen putting away the butter and milk in the fridge.

"What are you waiting for Romeo?" The blue eyed man asks, stopping in front of a blushing Harry.

They're both quiet for a minute. Harry's heart is racing and can feel his hands get clammy. He hasn't felt someone's faith in a long time, and he's not sure if he's happy or pressured that Fernando and Jack are pushing him to call Alma, he doesn’t even know if she will give him a chance. Harry's wishing to be the kind of guy to take out his mobile and make the call, maybe even crack a witty joke that will have Alma laughing in that loud way he remembers and not be awkward with asking her out on a date. As if he wasn't completely mortified by being rejected.

Harry was sure he would ruin it, not just the call but the date and everything else that was actually going to happen between them without even trying first.

"Hello?" She answers after the third ring, confused at the unknown number calling her.

"Yeah it's me," Harry nods to Jack who urges him to finish whatever sentence he's trying to form, "I believe I owe you some coffee."

"Harry?" Alma tries to fight back a laugh. A wide smile splitting her face after recognising who is the mystery caller.

"Yes! Sorry I forgot you didn't have my number." Jack is red with second hand embarrassment for his friend and decides to start the dishwasher just to keep his eyes from the train wreck happening in his kitchen. "I'm sorry for not calling sooner."

"You're calling now, 's all that matters... I'd love to get that coffee. Next Thursday works for you?" He nods feverishly and remembers he's on the phone.

"Of course, I'll pick you up at five if that's alright."

"Make it half past five please, that's when my shift ends. I'll text you the address." She throws the latter smoothly as an excuse to initiate conversation until they meet again and Harry is oblivious about it.

"Sure great, perfect I'm... really looking forward to seeing you," he plays with the tea towel on the counter, his back turned to Jack, a million butterflies fluttering in his stomach when he hears the coy chuckle his confession got out of her. "Have a good day, see you later."

"See you later, Harry" Alma's goodbye is full of hope and endearment, just like the one he got before she walked away from him that morning after Freddie’s birthday party.

After ending the call, he mentally scolds himself for dreading it so much. It went so much better than expected, even got a laugh out of her. Perhaps Harry needed to stop making decisions based upon his fears and more taking in consideration the other person. He always thought he knew best, it's what he's been told for so many years and although he needs to be making big choices most of the time, perhaps now he could share that responsibility. Felt dead nice for a change.

"That wasn't so bad." He admits to Jack before drying the now clean dishes with a towel.

"I'm proud of you, now tell me, where are you guys going for that coffee?" Jack's eyes are full of curiosity and excitement, it's impossible for Harry not to feel a chill go down his spine at the prospect of planning the date. He thinks about what Fernando suggested, but it would be too obvious that it wasn't his idea entirely.

Alma deserves something exclusively planned by him.

"Don't know yet, perhaps somewhere nice and quiet" he ponders and his friend agrees.

Last time Harry had a proper first date was about two years ago or so. He cooked aubergine parmigiana following Jamie Oliver's recipe and baked some biscuits for dessert that he enjoyed with his companion overlooking the Pacific Ocean from his home's balcony. Back then it seemed to be the right choice to keep it low-key, a simple dinner at his, no risk at all to be bothered or watched. But Harry knew that at some point it got old, being overly discreet was easily mistaken for being ashamed of the relationship. That kind of thing can do a lot to someone's confidence, little by little until it's all too much to bear.

If he could only learn not to care about the world's prying eyes.

Harry doesn't want to drag anyone into the scrutiny of the media until he knows it's an incorruptible bond. The inevitable thought of forever, something he believes might not exist for him, at times. He did think Taylor was it, even Kendall for a while, which is why he dated more publicly back then, until she came along and the love Harry felt was so grand it made him overly protective of them. Countless times he tried to explain that this was the first time something was working in spite of all the circumstances that came with his life and he was trying to cherish it, keep it to himself. Nurture it until it was as tough as old boots.

That night was spent writing down ideas for that first date. Number one was The river café, near Putney Bridge, a place free of paparazzi. Number two, Rail house café, lovely spot to share dinner. Number three The sanctuary café, located in a beautiful building with a quirky environment. Number four and his personal favourite Lola's bakery, their service was so warm and intimate, he remembers the cinnamon Chelsea bun and his mouth waters instantly. So, drawing a big circle around the fourth option he smiles before going to bed that night.

Saturday morning finds Harry at his grandparents’ old home, carrying a bag full of ingredients for a vegetarian lasagna he is planning to cook for his grandfather and his mum. He immediately banishes Anne from helping in the kitchen. She observed him follow the recipe, cooking for no longer than ten minutes the garlic, thyme and aubergine, and then crumble over the chilli carefully. He lets her grate the Parmesan when the sauce isn’t thickening and reducing like it was supposed to. With a bump of her hip, she nodded towards a couple of tomatoes, Harry smiled before tipping them in, breaking them with a spoon and five minutes later, the sauce was ready.

His mother is a marvellous woman, like the good son he is, Harry doesn't want to make her sad, ever. The last time he visited her, recently broken hearted, they spent it baking, cooking, eating sweets and drinking hot chocolate at the rear terrace. Once he had enough of moping around, he decided to make it up to her and create good memories from that visit. They explored the local parklands as if it was the first time, shared ice cream, got tipsy on cheap red wine and chatted from dusk till dawn.

A few hours later, after eating the delicious meal and tidying up the kitchen afterwards, Harry watches his mum talking to his grandad, holding his shaky hand in hers and caressing it in a soothing way. The elder man’s Parkinson is getting worse with time, he feels so useless, specially because it affects his favourite people. He wants to know what his mother is thinking when she joins him back in the kitchen. There is some anguish dancing in her kind eyes, but Harry knows better than to push her to share something she is not ready to.

"I have a date next Thursday," he chokes out, in hopes of distracting her, and it works. Anne's head whips towards her youngest child, evidently shocked and yet proud. It's been years since Harry shared that kind of information with her.

"A proper date?"

"Yes," he wants to add how nervous it makes him. "I dunno how serious it'll get... just met her once, properly I mean, we saw each other on the tube's carriage three times prior to it. Coincidentally of course, Gem said it is something straight out of a film."

"Who is she?" His mother is giving him that look, the one that says how giddy she is to know absolutely everything about the person that got her son so skittish, that he started to rearrange the containing of the cupboards entirely.

"Her name is Alma," he doesn't know where to start, if he spills all the ways in which he thinks she is wonderful, they'll end up pulling an all-nighter.

"And she's a...?"

"Cashier during the week, Spanish teacher on the weekends and occasional interviewer for her Youtube channel." Anne raises her eyebrows, impressed and wondering why such a busy girl agreed to go on a date. Must like him a lot of course, she thinks watching her son pour hot water on a mug, and dunking a tea bag in it afterwards.

"Where did you meet her if not on the tube?'' She is curious and weary. This wouldn't be the first time her youngest spawn overlooked certain things from strangers. Very little things in Harry's life were coincidences nowadays.

"Remember Jack Robinson?" his mum nodded, how could she forget the cheeky chap that helped Harry escape almost every night from his dad's house in the summer, just to go skate in Southbank's center until midnight. Anne admitted to not liking the bloke for a while, but gave him another chance after watching him grow into a responsible adult. "He's in charge of my home renovation, extension whatever it is called. Invited me to Freddie's birthday party and she was there." The dreamy look on his eyes when reminiscing the moment brought out a wide smile on his mum's face followed by her loud laughter.

"Oh Harry, you've got that look." it was the truth. He looked completely gobsmacked by his mother's reaction, but he couldn’t deny the peace he felt when knowing that she was already fond of the girl that he couldn’t get out of his mind.

"It’s too soon to tell!” He doesn’t want to dive into it, not yet. 

"How did you really meet? I want all the details." Anne asked, taking a seat at the coffee table and Harry told her everything.

From the first glance he stole her way to the last phone call he had yesterday at Jack and Fernando's house, his hands flew several times to tussle his hair and the dimple on his left cheek was exquisite, when telling his mother, how she asked him to dance with her. He spared no detail, from her intoxicating Moschino perfume to her raspy accented voice. By the time he finished, his mum's mug was empty but her heart was full. For so long she wondered if she would ever witness the beauty of Harry in love again and enjoy first-hand the way he spoke about that person in the sweetest manner, the high-pitched tone of his voice when finally admitting how nervous he actually was about this first date.

"Right, well in that case, stop thinking about how everything is going to go wrong." Easier said than done, Harry thinks but nods. "I'm sure whatever you planned will sweep her off her feet." Anne knew how much of a romantic her boy was, he went all out in that department. His best quality and Achilles heel.

"If the cupcakes from that place don't... I could literally do it." Harry plucks a banana from the fruit bowl before them and narrows his eyes when his mum rolls her eyes at him playfully.

His mother's reassurance made him feel less hopeless, the next day when they went to Sheffield's city center, she even picked out a couple of new mugs. 'Just in case we have new visitors at home.' Harry groaned but failed to hide the dreamy look in his eyes, he even crossed his fingers behind his back as he watched her pay for the cups. The thought of Alma meeting his mother in the near future —and the rest of his loved ones— excited him to an unfamiliar degree, like the first time he saw the seaside with his own eyes at a very young age, like that time he sang in front of a considerable amount of people, like a warm hug of his late grandmother. The idea that she may like him enough to agree to a second date is stuck on his brain, despite that they haven't even survived the first one.

Anne saw him enjoy himself the rest of that afternoon and the next morning before he had to go back to London. She sighed and watched him drive away, standing in her front door for a few more minutes, rejoicing on the memory of Harry's toothy grin. Usually she was careful and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but not this time. There was a bit of certainty in the unfamiliar situation, something she couldn't quite put her finger on, she decided to patiently wait and see. She hummed a familiar tune while putting away the new additions to her crockery. The same song her son decided to play on his journey back home.

Qué será, será. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Qué será, será.

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Next chapter

[zykjhrzqkn1h4m3xyine]

1/02/2019

I woke up at 7:30 today. This isn't good, my goal is 6:00 and I'm only getting worse and worse every day. I had an epiphany, is that the word. I realised that she said that I have like one class where I'm in the same class as one of them, but since it's only one class, that means that I should only see them twice a month right? Unless I have more than one class on that day, oh god. This whole mess would've never happened if it wasn't for the choices and made and if my last name was different. Anyway, I didn't make my own breakfast today, or even eat breakfast. I guess I'll eat breakfast at school. I need the school track suit and new sport shoes. So those things I really need. So I need to separate my wish list and my need list. I saw a new method of seeing if you really need something, it's asking: would you rather be given the amount of money that something costs or would you rather have the item. It's a pretty good method.

It's now recess. So I'll talk about roll call, Gabby is in my roll call. Before school started I went to tech and I asked ms da Silva if she could separate me and Gabby. She agreed. So what happened in roll call was I sat next to Ivy, and ms da Silva separated me and Gabby by putting someone in between us. First period: it was English, I sat with Stephanie, we did some research on war poets. We didn't make a lot of jokes. But it was okay. Ema was also in English. She was also in second period.

Science was a nightmare. Ema was sitting in the row behind me, and the whole thing with Ema and when I wanted to break the friendship with her. It's exactly same thing. This time eve is the middle person and she's saying the exact same thing as Gabby that one time. The reason why I'm here now is because I told Gabby and I trusted and followed her advice. I'm not going to make the same mistake. I sitting with Olivia, Clarissa and Eve. This is only temporary, I don't consider myself part of their "group". I'm not going to make myself comfortable, because I will lose them again. Tomorrow I'm going to the library and to study. I was really scared in every subject except visual design. That's the only time I felt comfortable. Visual design is alright, we were cutting shapes to like make an abstract face, but that's pretty boring. That seems like something you would do in visual arts. I knew new people, I know Daniella, and I how know hajera. Daniella kinda looks like Irmak. I need a device in visual design that can downooad Adobe products. That's going to be an issue, I can only bring my old really clunky laptop. I don't have a laptop. I wonder if ms Papus will find it acceptable. LlWe got a code for Google classroom, I'll write code in here later. It's:

It's now after school. I'm walking home. A lot happened just then. So during lunch, in the last quarter, Eve, Clarissa and Olivia, made me talk to Ema and Ameera. They talked to me, I shook like crazy. Then I started crying, I told Ema, the reason I was like this, was not because of Ema. They asked me if I wanted to be friends with them. I said no, at this point I was already crying really hard. I told them that I didn't want this (twice) I told Ameera that I was only getting in her and Gabby's way. So that's all I told them. I told Ema that I know she can never forgive me, so it would be better if I left. I told them how I wanted to throw myself off the library every day. She said that she didn't know if she forgave me or not. I did it, I told them that I didn't want to be their friend. I'm proud. I was still crying really hard so I went to the office to ask if I could go home. Ms Maharaj saw me, and she was really concerned about me. She convinced me that I didn't need to go home. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I accidentally spilled half my miceller water in the sink. That added to an otherwise horrible day. In visual design I was informed by Ashley that I had chewing gum on my shoe. That is the most stereotypical thing that happens when the main character has a awful day in a movie. That and getting hit by water when they're walking on a sidewalk by a car. I really wanted to do film study, but that's okay. I'm glad I didn't go home. It's better if my parents don't find out about this, especially my dad. I don't want to make them upset. I don't think anything good happened today. I don't know why I'm so unlucky, my family is all really unlucky. I want to live but just not this life. It's raining a little bit on me right now, but I don't mind. My bag is heavy, but I don't mind. I need to buy a math book and a red pen. I also need to study for three hours. If time is money, I need a loan.

It's 4:30 and me and dad are going to Officeworks right now, I need a math book.

Mac is nice, but he's not going to be one I like. I need someone who wants to take care of me, and me to them. I don't even want to date anyone until I'm 16, so I'm good. I'm glad I can talk to you, so I don't accidentally overshare my feelings.

I went to office works, we didn't get a red pen, but we got two graph books, they're both 7mm, but they don't have the spiral spine. 48 pages each.

I have poetry homework today, as well as studying for science. I also need to join the classroom for visual design.

I did English homework, or at least part of it. It's kinda hard to do, but we have the weekend to do it. I'm talking with Mac and Emma. Mac has a very bad relationship with his mom. I think his mom is mentally ill, but he really truly despises his mom. She smokes but she gets angry when anyone critiques it. I think that she's ashamed of her smoking habit but that's just my opinion. I think she really needs therapy, based on the way she treats her son. Like at the age of 14, she allowed him to get a desk. He was big hopes and he's putting in a lot of effort to work towards them. He's a good kid, I hope he succeeds in life.

Mac is such a pure boy, I hope he succeeds in life omg. I already knew this but, he was beaten up, and bullied in primary school, a lot of people backstabbed him, and that's the root of his trust issues and worries.

Oh so we got on the topic of the Dolan twins. And then I said that I liked them a little, like Y'know I like their videos. And I didn't want him to think that I was a like a crazy fan or anything so I said that their fans are crazy y'know? Girls like them because they're goofy" And he responded really negatively like "well it's working they've got you" and that sort of distrust and sudden negatively made me feel really sad and scared. And I started crying. Not really hard just like in the middle of the night that kind of crying. I'm really sensitive right now, even the smallest bit of negativity can send me into tears. Because I was so scared not to make the wrong move when I was friends with Gabby and Ameera, that really shook me up. Or maybe I'm just really fragile. I don't want my sensitivity to be an excuse for my actions.

So the annoying thing about me when I cry is that my nose becomes really really red and my eyes become bloodshot and it usually lasts for about an hour, I've also noticed that the top of my lip becomes red. I'll include a photo

I've already done my skin care in this photo so it's less red but if you turn up the contrast it's going to be accurate.

The white line is when I started crying.