#I just wish I was more socially capable
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chieana · 2 months ago
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lowkey going through it due to all the stress in my real life, which makes me yearn even harder for validation and respect in my fandom spaces, but sadly my fics seem to be incredibly unpopular unless I write nasty hardcore pornographic content and that just makes me sad
like am I really that bad of a writer? am I really that insane? or maybe out of touch? ugh. the lack of interest (aka lack of comments or lack of people willing to talk to me about my fics on here or in the kinktober server) is draining my will to continue writing, despite really deeply loving the stuff I write.
it just feels so fucking lonely when I really need companionship -sigh-
this shit was so much easier when I was 13yo
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bunnihearted · 2 months ago
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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cheekblush · 2 months ago
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really starting to believe that psychic who claimed i’m cursed
#like absolutely NOTHING goes right in my life#i have no friends no social life no partner have never been in a relationship even though i’m almost 30#i still live at home my job has horrible working hours and makes me absolutely miserable#like i can’t name you a single thing that goes right in my life i’m so far behind everyone#i wasted so many years studying and i’ve got nothing to show for it i’m a pathetic excuse of a human#i really wish i could give my life to someone who deserves it way more than me someone who really wants to live#the psychic claimed that my ex best friend’s mother cursed me#and i do find it somewhat silly to blame everything that goes wrong in my life on someone else or outer forces#but our friendship ended VERY poorly and her mother absolutely hated me by the end of it#so it honesty doesn’t seem too far fetched#bc ever since we went our separate ways which i never regretted btw i’ve just been struggling to survive#like if i’m honest i’m intelligent i’m capable i’m pretty i’m kind i’m funny but my whole life is a struggle#i know that my depression anxiety and overall low self esteem closes a lot of doors for me#but it’s just insane how unlucky i am like it can’t be a coincidence anymore#it’s just so heartbreaking when all your efforts are in vain like i try sooooo hard but it’s never enough#the psychic claimed the mother put a curse on me that basically blocks all roads for me#and like i said i haven’t had success or happiness in both my personal and professional life#it feels like every time i take step forward i take 3 back#good things never stay for long and bad things are so excruciatingly bad it’s unbearable#i’m just exhausted with everything… life shouldn’t be so fucking difficult wether it’s a curse or not#i know i also have many things to be thankful for but it seems like all the important milestones are eluding me#☁️
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tamagotchikgs · 2 months ago
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it is still so wild 2 me i have someone i can be comfortable with and even gives me More energy to spend time around i truly never thought it would be possible. never before seen in my whole 23 years of living
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seventh-district · 6 months ago
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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╰┈➤ SHUFFLE AU
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DESTINATION POINT (DP)
the Leo/need adjacent unit, composed of Ichika Hoshino, Airi Momoi, Ena Shinonome, and Minori Hanasato. ☆ a girl who's lost her friendships, and three others searching for their worth.
about the group's name: ♡ originally, i had "from here to there" in mind, but someone from the Discord gave me the name "destination point" and i thought it was much better, so i went with that. ♪
about the SEKAI: ♡ the Train SEKAI. no one knows when it left, or where it's going - just that it never stops. it's the perfect place for those who feel like they're lagging behind. just close your eyes and let yourself be carried away, right? but maybe there's something you can do… starts with a Miku and a Rin. the former's hardworking and talented, but the latter struggles - Rin is somewhat influenced by Ena's (and, to a lesser extent, Airi's) jealousy towards others.
Ichika hasn't managed to rekindle her friendship with her friends, and she's not doing particularly well. At one point, she meets Airi - who just quit being an idol. The two start talking and become friends, at which point they end up forming a band together. Airi wants to try finding a place where she could finally be taken seriously.
Ena's invited by Airi, and Minori - who had failed auditions recently - ends up inspired by Ichika's kindness, Airi's drive and Ena's determination, which is how she joins. (Haruka completely gave up on being an idol; something Minori is saddened by.)
In my mind, Ichika plays the guitar; Airi, the drums; Minori, the keyboard and Ena, the bass.
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IDEAL HEAVEN! (IH)
the MORE MORE JUMP! adjacent unit, composed of Mafuyu Asahina, Emu Otori, Mizuki Akiyama and Shizuku Hinomori. ☆ an up-and-coming idol group that combines cuteness and sophistication.
about the SEKAI: ♡ quite similar to the Empty SEKAI, but with some idol influences - a broken stage with no one in sight. there's no bright lights, no colorful props. nothing. that SEKAI both comforts and pains Mafuyu. home to a lone Miku. sweet, hopeful, but genuinely crushed by the pressure she's feeling.
Mafuyu's mother wants a perfect child. idols are very frequently represented as being perfect - so, she decides that her daughter should become one, too. Mafuyu's not keen on the idea, but that's her mother; she's obedient, so she goes along with it.
Shizuku still quit Cheerful * Days, but instead of stopping altogether she ends up with Mafuyu. Emu wants to make people smile, but no one ever came; Wonderlands × Showtime was never a thing. so she decides to become an idol instead, even if it means she'll never bring back the Wonder Stage to its former state.
Mizuki's half-dragged into IDEAL HEAVEN! by Emu, who saw them looking with interest at idol merch. after bringing them to meet Mafuyu and Shizuku, Mizuki ends up accepting - the idea of wearing cute clothes and being called cute doesn't seem too terrible.
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READY MADE SUCCESS (RMS)
the Vivid BAD SQUAD adjacent unit, composed of Haruka Kiritani, An Shiraishi, Shiho Hinomori and Akito Shinonome. ☆ two street musicians chasing after their dream, and the two girls they brought with them.
about the SEKAI: ♡ the Street SEKAI. weirdly, it seems Haruka's idol background has somewhat influenced its appearance. its inhabitants are Miku, Meiko and Len. this Miku is levelheaded, but it seems like there's something holding her back from going all-in...
after quitting being an idol, Haruka is invited by An to join her.
An's never met Kohane, and she never found a partner. Haruka is hesitant for a moment before deciding to give it a shot, though she keeps struggling with singing. Shiho tries getting more experience, meets Akito. no one really knows how these two ended together, but they both have a similar drive and take music very seriously.
eventually, they all start working together. Haruka deals with her guilt and, while she doubts she'll become an idol again, she's mostly made peace with what happened.
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STARLIGHT ☆ EVERMORE (S ☆ E)
the Wonderlands × Showtime adjacent unit, composed of Tsukasa Tenma, Saki Tenma, Kanade Yoisaki and Toya Aoyagi. ☆ a strange troupe of people who aim to help others through their performances.
about the SEKAI: ♡ still very much Tsukasa's, so it's the Wonderland SEKAI. [kanade goes there for the first time and dies. alas, they're still a shut-in and this place is simply too colorful for her poor eyes.] starts with a Miku and a Kaito, though this version of the former uses far less onomatopoeias.
Tsukasa figures he needs to show the world how much of a star he is himself, and he drags his siblings into it (with varying degrees of willingness).
a part of Saki still wishes she could be in a band with her friends; she's only somewhat managed to repair her friendship with Ichika. but she's still happy to do something fun and lighthearted after all her struggles. Toya's very excited to do something with Tsukasa and his siblings. he also gets to stick it to his dad, which, honestly - is a bonus.
out of the three, Kanade is obviously the most hesitant about the whole thing. but she sees Tsukasa's drive to make others happy, something she shares with him, so she ends up agreeing. Kanade is… slightly healthier physically on account of the stubborn people looking after her, as well as all the exercise she does she does as part of Starlight ☆ Evermore. mentally? eh… we'll get there. i need her traumatized to be interesting. <3
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LONELY SYNDROME (LS)
the 25-ji, Nightcord de. adjacent unit, composed of Nene Kusanagi, Rui Kamishiro, Honami Mochizuki and Kohane Azusawa. ☆ hidden behind avatars, these citizens of the web tell stories online.
about the SEKAI: ♡ the arcade SEKAI. this Miku is shy and withdrawn, though she one day hopes she'll be able to break out of her shell, just like Nene. alongside her is Luka - she has a bit of a teasing attitude and a catlike personality, but she always does her best to boost Nene's confidence.
about the group's name: ♡ syndrome refers to a group of symptoms - i paired it with the word lonely because i felt like it represented the atmosphere of an arcade. you're connected with people who share your interests, but at the same time, you're sort of separate from them. surrounded by people, but utterly alone…
Nene's social anxiety hasn't gotten better over the years. since she never joins Wonderlands × Showtime, she doesn't learn how to fight her stage fright.
but, she finds an alternate solution; using an avatar online. it's less stress-inducing, and it lets her pursue acting, in a way - it's not what Nene wants, but it's close enough. she figures she could be satisfied with that. Rui ends up figuring out what she's doing, and asks if he can help. Nene doesn't really have any reason to say no, so they start working together.
as for Honami and Kohane, they ended up on Nene's channel by pure accident. but her performances quickly became a comfort to them, since they were struggling at the time (the former because she no longer had her friends, the latter because of her lack of confidence).
unfortunately, ignoring your problems only goes so far, and eventually, her feelings give birth to the arcade SEKAI.
#// ooc#shuffle au#didn't bother detailing every SEKAI - they're mostly staying the same#destination point is accidentally very similar to richie's unit 💔#and ideal heaven! also. oh well. i didn't do it on purpose..........#my favorite out of these five is lonely syndrome & starlight ☆ evermore :D#which is evident because a) i developed lonely syndrome's story the most and b) starlight ☆ evermore has all my favorite characters#pushing my tenma agenda <3#lonely syndrome is like… dear to me because i struggle with very bad social anxiety and it's held me back so many times#so i relate to nene a bunch#i wish i could just - go out there and show people what i'm capable of doing. but i just freeze in place each time. it's easier to just…#give up. y'know? it hurts less.#and fun fact: lonely syndrome's luka is more or less based on rui? he's an important person in nene's life so you know -#i figured that it would influence one of the virtual singers. i love nene and rui's friendship ww#i put Kanade in the WxS-adjacent group because i wanted her to die <3#also. the potential of others finding out that this pathetic wet cat? is in a theater troupe?? insane. i think it's hilarious.#ready made success is a name i settled with despite not being very satisfied of it - so changes might happen!#there's some angst potential in there. i put some for emu too :3c#anyway. enough rambling in tags. i feel bad 💔#i'm insanen over them. if you have any questions - feel free to ask. teehee <3
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spocks-kaathyra · 10 months ago
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#vent#wow I will never be able to let myself have friends huh#I am unwanted and inherently unwantable#I have it all figured out I just can't DO anything right. why is breaking silence the hardest thing to do#I can't bring myself to make/maintain/deepen friendships bc I'm convinced that I'm unpleasant to be around and unpleasant to be friends with#my company is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy#<- completely unjustified belief. I am kind and friendly and capable of responding appropriately in the majority of social situations#they reach out and I shrink back every time. no matter how much they reach towards me I can't believe that they actually want me around#and ofc the reasonable thing for them to do is stop reaching! when I never reach back! why would they expect a different outcome this time#so I can't blame anyone. I can't sit around waiting for a saintly mindreader who can see that my actions contradict my feelings#I know I just need to reach out. but how could I do that when I'm convinced it'll only hurt them?#my presence makes their day worse. I'm a mangy dog begging for scraps I don't deserve at their table. I am harming them with my presence#how can I beg for their attention and company and time when I know their life would be better without me in it#<- false belief. when I reach out I make them feel wanted and they feel more comfortable reaching out to me when they know I like them.#everyone appreciates being reached out to. I am pleasant to be around. they like being liked by me. my company is a desirable thing#company in general is a desirable thing. my company is better than no company. people like being liked.#logically I know all this to be true. emotionally? they hate me and I deserve it and the more I show I like them the more they'll hate me#sigh. what a banal problem to have. I'll stop being 18 years old one day. I can't wait until I have better things to worry about#replies appreciated. btw. in the interest of asking for what I want instead of expecting ppl to read my mind lmao#narcissus's echoes
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complicit-rot · 4 months ago
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i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back
#rambling to myself in the tags just go ahead n pass by 🫡#u've been warned#i can feel the burnout(?) creeping up on me & its been. two days.#at least my friend is reassured i'm still in their life every few months 👍#even if i end up hating being dragged out places i know a little relief feels like a lot to other ppl#but i also just. hate being involved at all. esp if its pity but also when they genuinely want to talk with me. which sucks!#i hate thinking like that. however it just feels like the most logical path sometimes yk? after (gestures vaguely) everything?#i'm childishly obsessed with the aspect of destruction. me or them carrying it out it doesn't matter#any sort of socializing feels like grinding stone together whether or not their intentions seem as pure as possible#it feels like my socializing button is broken and my battery is locked at 2% 24/7#its not that i actively try to keep myself locked in self serving cycles to stay pitiful lord knows i hate being pathetic#i despise being miserable. it may not be Everything i know. it may be comfortable or familiar or whatever edgy shit#but it takes so much energy to have any emotion. i feel like i wrung myself dry in elementary school#ultimately i know i'm capable of Having Emotions. they're just all buried beneath 78 layers of static that don't seem to be there for other#i try to be social. even when i know Deep down i like them i end up hating every interaction. no matter how smooth or funny or whatever#i seem to have this blanket that makes everything heavier on me. i don't like being weighed down but sometimes i have to comply else#i know i'll just fucking crash out for the next however many years & end up being more hurt than i began with#<- metaphor doesn't make sense bc i ditched it half way thru but you get the point#be social to the complete detriment to my health & appease others or hurt other ppl (something i don't like doing bc i know how it feels) &#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me#i Hate wallowing in this fucking pity. this whole woe is me evvybody huwt me so now i feel nudding :( schtick makes me feel so weak#i like feeling strong by socializing. sometimes i get this litttlee inkling of maybe i should try & put myself out there More but it always#comes with the same results. one of these days surely it'll change (<- bearer of the curse) (<- but still has hope despite denying it)#yes i'm in therapy yes i'm working on my social capacity slowly instead of getting my boundaries ran over at top notch speed by my abusers#sometimes i need to say the self pitying shit out loud to knock me to my senses & be like 'if a friend said this i'd criticize them'#'if anybody else thought that you'd cringe so hard and be filled with That Specific Misery you feel & hate so much' ohhh right. my bad
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burialrite · 2 years ago
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I, hmm, wish there weren't so many comorbidities between different mental illnesses and neurodivergences bc I am really having a hard time figuring out if I'm manic somehow or just autistic
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the-trans-dragon · 2 years ago
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#being a person makes me feel such strong and unpleasant emotions lately#I don’t even know what the emotions are. they hurt tho.#irritated? depressed? wounded? betrayed? belittled? is belittled an emotion even?#what’s the emotion for ‘hurt by people actively choosing to deny my autonomy and competence’?#angry? sad?#it isn’t an Energetic Emotion like anger. it is not a fire; it is liquid and deep. it seems unmoving but it’s actually writhing painfully#some kind of bottomless pit of lava that is too hot to touch and too bright to look at#I know I’m not the protagonist of the story of Human Pain. I know most people deal with some kind of bigotry or discrimination.#I just… I really wish my pain wasn’t caused by other people Actively Choosing to hurt me.#little things like customers who are rude and snappy and impatient.#bigger things like that customer who always refuses to come to my register even though we’ve never interacted.#bigger things like knowing my peers think I’m too stupid to admit my AGAB (I know what my body looks like! stop presenting it to me as#evidence that I am wrong! I am presented with my own body every day and I’m still trans! my body is obviously not capable of changing my#feelings about my gender!)#little things like… my efforts to be a good person will never be recognized because people genuinely think I am something demonic.#I guess maybe that’s a bigger thing lol.#as an autistic person I try really hard to connect with others and learn to navigate social situations#learning when to make eye contact and when to stop. when to address a joke and when to play along with it more#apologize for this thing; but if you apologize for that it’s rude somehow. how to smile all the time. how to vary the tone of my voice so I#don’t sound robotic or rude or lazy. how to help someone without making them feel stupid for needing help.#constantly daily always actively Researching and Documenting and Analyzing to try to participate in society. and it#it does help… but it is fully overridden by transphobia.#I am really lucky I have my partners 💜 otherwise I’d assume I’d never find people who like me#it’s so nice to not Autistic Mask around them. to not hide my gender or anything.#sorenhoots
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phagodyke · 24 days ago
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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cilantroodon · 6 months ago
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so many blogs on here seemingly with a cult following for solely posting about dresses & fruit & their unemployment struggles whilst being very cutesy about it & everyone else sends messages like "oh you're so unique & irreplaceable" well probably this is true but also I would not know from how they post. feels like elementary school when girls would say this to each other & frankly they all were very boring! I'm not bored by the tumblr girlies I think they are all fascinating but in the way watching koi in a pond is fascinating... I don't really like modern ballgowns & I can't afford most fruit & I don't struggle with unemployment I excel at it so. maybe that's the difference between you & I miss lanalvr777
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pearlymel · 1 month ago
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Ooo I know! It's just a little thought
What if capitano and y/n had their first fight in front of their kid?
"I told you I'm fine." You try convincing your ever so worried husband for the nth time.
The thing was, ever since you gave birth to your daughter, it's like he had a leash on you, not in a bad way. Capitano only wants to protect you and his daughter, and knowing his position as the fatui Harbinger, it had become difficult to keep an eye on both of you 24/7. So he trusts that you would tell him everything by the end of the day.
Capitano's protective nature was both endearing and infuriating at times, but you often appreciated his care. Today, however, his overprotective streak was starting to get under your skin.
The argument started as a simple disagreement about a minor decision, but had quickly escalated into a fiercer discussion.
"i want to keep you and our family safe." He said firmly, and he wishes you'd stop there to understand him.
"I only brought her with me to the market so she can learn how to socialize with people, and for her to experience picking treats with me."
"You were fine this time." he retorted, his voice taking on a slightly higher tone. "But what about the next time?"
You grit your teeth together in frustration, because really, this is getting ridiculous. "Maybe if you didn't think so much about it—"
He doesn't even let you finish before he speaks back, "How can I not think about it? Every time you leave this house, every time you're out of my sight, I can't help but worry." He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves, it's rare that he's ever arguing with you, usually when you're upset with eachother, he usually stays quiet.
"You don't understand. My job has shown me the worst of Humanity, the things they're capable of. I just want to keep you safe." Capitano holds on both sides of your arms, "i trust my men enough to accompany you. But i can never be truly sure that you're safe without me." He's upset, you know it by the way his eyebrows wrinkle together.
But you're not convinced just yet, "our daughter wants to go to the park sometimes. Do you know how many times i had to stop myself from refusing her everytime she frowns at me?"
Capitano's expression hardened again at your words, his jaw clenching tightly. "The park is dangerous," he argued back while applying a bit more pressure on your arms, "It's too open, too vulnerable. There are too many unknowns, too much that could potentially harm you and our daughter."
"It's not like we are going to die." You bluntly respond and it makes his eyes widen, even the sentence makes him shiver. He's one and only fear, not seeing you both because of one mistake.
Just as he parted his lips to answer back, a faint sound—a sneeze coming from the corner of the closet. One you recognise so well that it makes you stiffen in your place, and you notice Capitano pressing his lips into a thin line.
You both turn your heads until met by the little girl attempting and failing to hide on the side of the giant closet.
"she's watching," you whisper, glancing back at him and he nods before sliding his hands off you.
"You can come out," he called gently, his voice softer than the previous argument.
He knelt down on one knee as she stepped out from her hiding spot, his eyes wide with innocence and remorse for the argument she had witnessed. "Come here." He encouraged her, his arms opened slightly for her. And she hesitantly walks at first before taking confident steps towards the comfort of her father's embrace.
You join them after, kneeling down at their level and your husband opens his other arm to squeeze you in with them. Capitano's arm wrapped around her small form, holding her close against his chest.
"I'm sorry you saw us arguing," he murmured, "We didn't mean for you to hear all that." You continue softly.
Your daughter's head turned towards you, her eyes filling with tears as she heard your apologies. She looked between you and Capitano, her lower lip trembling slightly. It's like children can mimick their parents current emotions.
"Your mother and I just had a disagreement. We didn't mean to scare you."
"is everything okay?" She whispers quietly while fidgeting with her fingers together, "Yes." You both instantly respond.
her expression is still uncertain. "We promise," you reassured her again before he gives further more reassurance "Everything's okay, angel. Mama and papa are fine. We're not mad at each other. We're just... going to talk things through, okay?"
She then starts slowly nodding, "that's my brave girl." His lips curl upwards as he strokes the strands of her hair.
"and we will take you to the park."
Your daughter's eyes widened, a small gasp of happiness escaping her lips. She looked up at you, her eyes seem to sparkle even.
Meanwhile, Capitano's eyes narrowed at your declaration. He shot you a warning look, silently reminding you of his previous disagreement.
"... With your father of course." You laugh quietly and his shoulders seem to relax, "fine. We will all go."
"yay! Swings!" The little girl grins while excitedly holding her hands together.
"well, aren't you weak for the little angel?" You whisper to your husband, giving him a small smile, already having forgotten about your argument.
Capitano holds you both closer to him, as if relieved to have this little family in his life, the only thing that makes everything more bearable, "she has me wrapped around her little finger, just like her mother."
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The link to my short capitano series :p
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whilomm · 5 months ago
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once again the new episode of dungeon meshi is 99% YES AMAZING GOOD with one Tiny Little Thing that irked me. today its the way they did this scene:
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with the caveat that i dont know which one is more ACCURATE to the original japanese, i just loved the phrasing of "youre missing the point!" "no, thats EXACTLY the point!" so much. in the english dub, its instead "THATS where your mind goes?" which. idk, just doesnt hit the same way?
with "the point", it kinda feels like an encapsulation of how people see laios and dismiss him. people constantly see laios as being unobservant and having bad priorities, but this is a moment where he is asking an EXTREMELY practical question. while everyone else is concerned with the implications of this, laios accepts the premise and moves on to the logistics. seriously, how fucking hard is it gonna be? they think hes just being his usual weirdo self thinking about eating dragons before saving falin, but no, hes just doing the math and saying "shit, it would work but are we even CAPABLE of that?"
yeah, the way he says it isnt the most tasteful (lol), but the immediate dismissal of his question as "missing the point", just like laios always misses the point and misses social cues and misses subtex, before him showing that no, hes thinking several steps ahead of everyone else while theyre worried about small stuff like "cannibalism" and "eating their friend".
and i think just having the line being "youre missing the point!", "no, thats EXACTLY the point!" just kinda gets to the heart of a lot of stuff. again, idk which is closer to the orig, but this is one of the lines i remember the most from this series, and it was a specific moment i was looking forward to. just kinda sad that the english dub has it just be a couple of lines that fall really flat for me
(also, personally, i dont feel like the animation properly conveyed these panels. they did SO much sick ass animation in these eps, and i kinda just wish it woulda better portrayed "one of the very few times laios shows his anger", its KIND OF a joke panel, but its also REALLY not. its a huge character moment i think and i wish they woulda drawn it out a bit and made it a bit more serious.)
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circuitcircus · 6 months ago
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in defense of kabumisu……..
addressing things I see people say about why kabru being shipped w mithrun is ‘bad’ or why their canon relationship ‘doesn’t mean anything’ while also clearing up misconceptions of the characters some fans have
listen it keeps popping up and I just gotta do this or my brain will melt (if you don’t see it around then god I wish that were me) there’s an age gap!- erm there’s also an age gap in farcille (ily), the most popular ship in the series...also chilchuck looks like a kid but a lot of fans recognize him as a dilf because of his relative age, so there should be no age gap discourse among adult characters because it feels so conditional tbh
kabru taking care of mithrun is racist!- marcille likes to take care of others as well. is that sexist, or just an aspect of her character?
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kabru isn’t treated like a servant, waiting on mithrun hand and foot…I mean he gives mithrun a foot massage but no one told him to do all that lmfao
he's also not the only one to care for mithrun. pattadol is shown to worry for him and milsril was the one to start taking care mithrun in the first place after he…...y’know. speaking of which-
they probably met when kabru was a kid!- neither of them showed signs of recognizing each other the entire time mithrun was introduced nor when they were together. and im pretty sure KABRU of all people would show some kind of recognition if they'd met before. it's kabru!!! the people person!!! mr. "i-noted-down-50+-characters-in-this-dude's-backstory-for-fun-and-actually-enjoy-social-gatherings"
you would think some kind of memory would come back to him especially after hearing mithrun’s backstory if milsril had even told kabru about him as a kid. but nope. it’s just fan speculation unless there's a side comic suggesting otherwise that i haven't seen
mithrun doesn't care about kabru, his shapeshift double looked like shit!- it's obviously because of mithrun's (then) lack of desires that it looked like that, but they really grow on each other
i think it's safe to assume it'd look more like kabru after they spent so much time together (also laios can barely even remember kabru's name..also saw his face multiple times and didn’t recognize him when they talked for the first time)
mithrun is racist!- he’s actually the least likely character to be racist since he lost his desires and that includes a desire for superiority over others. he even calls his past self out on that part of himself. the other elves in that side comic were being just as racist to shorter lived races but just didn’t use ‘outdated slurs’
(unfortunately literally every main character in dunmeshi is at least a lil prejudiced, but I believe it’s worldbuilding and a sign of the times rather than a reason ryoko kui is giving to hate each character)
taking care of others is a pain in the ass!- saying this as a reason kabru and mithrun shouldn't be together is basically saying disabled people shouldn't be allowed to have romantic relationships because they're a "burden"...if someone is actually willing to put in the work, then let them be.
that's not even all of their relationship, mithrun is the fighter of their duo and kabru would've been killed by the shapeshifter or something if he'd fallen down the hole on his own since he sucks at fighting monsters. mithrun helps collect ingredients for cooking every time, too (barometz fruits and griffin egg). he pulls his weight and then some!! i feel like people forget that part of mithrun a lot somehow.
+senshi literally cooks for everyone all time. it's kind of an important aspect of the narrative.
+also, while it is a popular fan thing I see around that kabru handfeeds mithrun, he literally never does lol this is mithrun using his own hands to eat:
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also here we have him washing his own body
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just saying because people like to treat mithrun like a baby even though the narrative respects him as a capable adult who also has special needs because of an accident. he’s captain for a reason
kabru hates taking care of mithrun!- not exactly, he was initially surprised and put off but got used to it quickly. i’m sure he’s grateful for all the times mithrun saved him from a monster and teleported them out of danger as well
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he even starts doing “unnecessary” things for mithrun’s comfort and safety like when mithrun pushes himself too hard fighting, even after his mission to take care of him was complete when the canaries came back
here is even kabru resting while mithrun keeps watch (mithrun let him sleep for 5 hours before waking him up from the nightmare earlier, too):
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there's nothing more to their relationship!- they actually have had a very tight and consistent dynamic since they met and they incite the most change within each other by the end. kabru is the one who inspires mithrun to create new desires so he doesn't waste away, and mithrun is the first person we see kabru being genuine with and it leads him to be more honest with others by the end instead of tiptoeing around everyone all the time (that mask was also the reason some ppl initially disliked kabru…)
kabru’s relationship with mithrun is honestly so important for his character and vice versa, but it’s often disregarded because of one over exaggerated aspect of it (an aspect that isn’t even the first way they interact with each other) or because people want to just straight up ignore it for some reason 🥲🥲
kui dedicates many panels to them that don't particularly serve the narrative as a whole in order to demonstrate this and i think that's pretty significant
you're taking this too seriously!- as if i'm the first person in the world to be crazy about a ship or the characters 😭 i love analyzing text and it's upsetting to see them mischaracterized when kui lays out the characters so clearly and deliberately
also they end up touching each other like all the time and have the kind of canon validation most ppl can only dream of lol i feel so insane look at this:
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and this is just when they're first getting to know each other cuz there's a fuckload more
kinda hard to explain how i don't actually need them to get married or whatever but i'd die on this hill for them and i enjoy their dynamic immensely
haha you thought you were reading ship discourse but it was actually a character analysis 🤪🤪🤪
also don’t somehow take this to mean I think anyone has to ship them, I just need everyone to understand these accusations kind of don’t make sense especially when they can also apply to other pairs or characters
bonus kabru just looking at mithrun:
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imjustdelusionalok · 15 days ago
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yandere dc: meeting camgirl! reader <3 pt. 2
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Yuppp, this is the part two of my previous post <33 but this time she'll be meeting the rest of the batboys and kon! (reminder she has met some of them even from before!!)
if you get into the 'terry mcginnis' part and is confused on who he is, watch batman beyond bc hes the new batman and its sooo good and hes underrated <3
Anywho here it isss
BIG warning: this may more or less have the same amount of clownery as the last one so prepare my sweets and also my brain is fried so some parts might not make sense but i tried😔💔 please repost to support me i spent sm timee 😭
tim drake aka 'red robin':
Also one of your most biggest and creepiest faithful fans that you've ever had in your stream!
Hes a frequent donor AND victim to your relentless charms just like jason and dick.
Has met you before you decided to even become a cam girl, as you two both go to the same school AND classes too 🥰 (he may or may have not gotten bruce to manipulate the principal or some higher up into changing classes...)
he's like a lovesick highschool student who developed a crush, but this time more extreme.
While you on the otherhand, saw a weird looking boy staring at you with the most fullest smile you've ever seen. toothy, cheshire grin, and all-- (he ran away almost IMMEDIATELY when you saw him)
(...you also chased after him when he ran 💀 he was shooked, but stops once your hand grabs his shoulder and you ask him who he was)
"You >:D i saw you looking at me, who are you >:)"
...my, he never knew you were this bold... you really need to stop being so cute or your further fueling his delusions i swear--
You shake him. "Ow- okay-- my name's Tim--"
You then smile and drag a stunned but intrigued timothy with you.
...Are you perhaps some social butterfly, darling?...
From that moment on, tim's interest in you increases and a friendship between you and him bloomed! Hes so proud of himself for making the first move even though you did it first...
(Again, dont ask how darling lives in bludhaven, but meets tim and jason whose in gotham 💀 either think of her as having teleportation powers being the reason for the frequent back-and-forths or tim being so obssessed, he moves in bludhaven just to see reader--)
When i said creepy, i said c r e e p y. Even worse than klarion, thaddeus, and even dick who i said before was on another level 😦
Tim is both sweet, nervous, and shy... or at least, is how he shows himself for you.
he must look decent for you or how else would he make you reciprocate his feelings?
He's capable of changing in a blink of an eye so anybody who isn't his beloved, dont test him, okay? <3
He sits in the back with darling in class. In the back. You heard me.
Normally he'd be in the front to be able to see and listen better, but darling is a slacker so--
He sighs, looking at his rushed and poorly written notes. He doesnt even know what the topic is anymore, and it kinda looks like hieroglyphics--
Meanwhile, you on the otherhand, was cooking instant noodles with the others... with a pot AND a stove... D: (he loves you but damn he wants to cry rlly bad on how screwed you two are--)
As for the part where he finds out about your part-time job as a cam girl, this man was seething.
No honey, not at you, but at your parents-- how could they let their beautiful daughter do this?! Do they even care?!-- oh? What was that, darling?... Your parents were gone? i guess that explains it...
proceeds to feel bad for you, and wishes to look after you. But you being you, you remain so hardheaded. Why cant you let him love you?? why cant you quit that stupid job?! >:( (hes a bit hypocritical on this one since he literally donates thus further fueling you to go on)
Sigh... nevertheless, he realizes a bit that he can't persuade someone like you for now, so he donates in your live like the good friend he is...
Yeah, 'good friend'...
In the darkness of his room, he watches with unblinking eyes the way your body moves on his screen. You look so enticing, the way a bit of pink colors your cheeks, how every moan you give were light and breathy... simply fantastic. He sighs.
"Oh baby... what am i going to do with you?... <3"
Yandere rating: 100% on money, 38% for nuisance, 70% for humor (80% as red robin)
⋆˚✿˖°
conner kent aka 'superboy':
Ah yes, another top donor and one of your most perverted watchers out there.
Cocky, rebellious, womanizing... doll, you're just another girl for him to use in order to piss off tim since he loves pushing that man's patience so much.
Has probably met you through him too, as this man follows his best friend that has been, in his eyes, acting a bit too strange lately.
And he now knows why. You.
thinks you're absolutely adorable. the way you act out of impulse to the way you speak so brazenly to him, intrigues the kryptonian so much.
Hm, your going to be so much fun to play with <3
But unfortunately, the boy of steel did not know who he was up against.
"...Doll, what did you just say?--" it was 8 at night and he was in his best attire holding a bouquet of flowers. Not just your average red roses, but a well-thought out blend of daffodils, carnations, and tulips. just for you.
But right now, you're breaking his heart.
"Yeah Kon, i love you but no. i'm not dating you. Sorry."
...you don't have the right to say you love him.
"a-and why can't we date?--" he was so confused, these months spent trying to court you, all wasted.
"erm... im not interested, kon. yeah you're hot and you support me and all, but im gonna be honest with you... you're not my type. and plus..."
he feels his heart break even more when you continue.
"...I'm interested in someone. I've known them for so long Kon, and i would hurt them if i get with you."
...
"...sorry." you run away.
things with kon has never felt the same since. he no longer visits tim just to see you, only him. he ignores you too, not even a single glance being spared. but you swear you could feel cold blue eyes watching your figure sometimes...
...and then that happens. you see a message notification from him. conner.
'im sorry if i made things awkward between us. forgive me, doll? :('
your thumb hovered whether or not to answer. you made your decision.
'kay. wanna play dti? :3'
he's so glad you cant see him right now... crying pure tears of joy, and complete relief that you took the bait.
'okay :)'
just because he got rejected by you once that doesnt mean he's immediately gonna back down <33 and about that boy you like, who was it? can't you tell him and he'll give a quick visit to the very lucky guy...
Yandere rating: 100% on money, 49% for nuisance, 80% for humor (95% as superboy)
ᯓᡣ𐭩
damian wayne aka 'robin':
...knows the guy that you like.
he's genuinely angry at you, but mostly at your taste.
seriously, him? why not him instead...
frequently donates money and is also very dedicated in line.
(to save you trouble, most of the batfam is a big fan to you and are often your biggest donors. they wish to stop you from pursuing such a... scandalous, line of work but cant help but further support you the more they give money and get addicted to the content you make 😞💔)
discovered you on accident when a certain someone, *cough* tim, *cough* left their computer on without closing the tabs.
you cannot simply imagine the sheer shock that painted his face during that time, seeing someone, you, getting it on with another guy that seems all too familiar.
...and he cant help but get angry. (you'll all understand soon enough why he and kon hates reader's man and possible bf sm 😭)
meeting you face to face... thats a whole situation. tim immediately regrets bringing damian to see you because this man already went off on how much of a 'hoe', you are.
you can take a lot of things, but this boy rubs you off wrong.
"seriously, drake? your new friend is a prostitute? you drew the line making friends with that kryptonian clone, but this takes the cak--"
*slap.*
...that hurts. damian's hand slowly makes its way up to his cheek, where the red was starting to spring.
he looks at you like you were mad. you are, thanks to him. "...you... you little---"
he was held back by an angry but calmer kon despite being also insulted, whilst tim holds you comfortably.
"hey don't listen to damian over there, alright? :( he's just a bit--"
"I'm speaking facts here!-- hmpfh!" a hand covers his mouth.
"seriously tim, does he ever shut his mouth?" kon says.
he huffs. "no. and that's why i was considering bringing duct tape earlier, Kon."
...okay, maybe his first impression forever got him labelled as a bitch in your eyes, but damian tries to make it up to you in any way he can since he actually finds you decent after getting to know you. (think of those asian parents that after scolding you till you cry, they give you food but instead money in damian's version)
"...ahem."
no response.
"...AHEM."
you finally look up at him, and a bag was thrown straight at your face. "you stupid ass-- wait a minute." you look inside the bag and it was filled with... money.
you look up at damian, only to see his figure quickly dashing off and hide behind a wall where he would secretly try and take a peek for your reaction. you smile and give a thumbs up.
"...you aren't that bad, but try shutting your mouth most of the time, okay? :3 <3"
...the green in his eyes glinted... and he scoffs. typical damian wayne.
"...sure, prozzy-- HEY STOP CRYING--"
fierce but protective. rude but caring. that is what damian is towards you.
and that is how he'll always be as long as that man is around...
"i'll be with you. and i shall do everything in my power to ensure you do not end up with him!--" too late.
Yandere rating: 100% on money, 25% for nuisance, 78% for humor (89% as robin)
ִֶָ࣪☾.𔘓
terry mcginnis aka 'batman beyond':
...is the man that kon, damian, and the others have beef with.
how he's part of the main timeline in this is that all of the events before batman beyond happens earlier. (i also tweaked a few things in canon here so dont mind me)
terry's dad died before the entire 'Powers' situation, leading to Terry living with his mom earlier.
...terry also suffers from something.
at a young age, terry cannot feel any sort of emotions. remorse, empathy, such things were removed from him. he could only feel empty, comparable to having a large gaping hole inside his chest instead of a beating heart.
the boy ponders why he was cursed with such a thing, and why he could only feel pity and sadness. just a little.
...he thought he was unsavable. until--
his eyes lands on you, the girl who was playing on the playground's swing. (note: darling used to live in gotham as a kid)
...he gulps. pretty...
"you there, what's your name?" you asked. always the first one to make a move...
...and you sound nice.
"hm? well? :3"
...he decided to speak. "...terry. i'm terry... you?..."
you smile. "they call me (name), pretty right?" he could only nod. yes, it was very pretty...
i think everybody could guess how things go from then on.
he meets you, grows up with you, falls in love with you, and in the end lives happily with you... if only it weren't for his tendency to maim just about anyone who gets near you.
he's a dog, honey. but he's your rabid, vicious dog.
by the time he grows up, he's learned how to hide what he truly is from you, and the terry that we all come to know and love is now here.
charming, witty, humorous... terry mcginnis is nothing but an amorous boy for you... and you love it. (u match his freak sm)
in his eyes, you two are together <3 and its not even a lie you two are but you're too much in denial since you firmly believe he deserves better :( (tho thoughts like that dissapear when he and you yk ;))
absolutely hates it when you spend time with anyone, especially with his adopted siblings. dick, jason, tim, and damian? fuck no. (if you read the batman beyond comics, those two despise each other--)
...so expect those two to be at each other's necks.
and about the cam girl part, yup, this man knows. and like tim, he tries to persuade you to stop. you're a complicated person, he knows. either for money or fun, you do crazy shit like this every time... but this one's really serious.
"...look at me." you obey, eyes staring back at ocean blue ones. terry's eyes were always so pretty...
"...hehe, pretty eyed as ever, mcginnis..." and he can't help but smile slightly at your words.
"..." damn you, really. his soft spot for you is huge, and 99% of the time, you get off the hook easily.
in the end, he might have allowed you to do this... 'artist' stuff, but on one condition:
he gets to f*ck you on some parts.
you blink, cheeks starting to redden. "...what--" and just like that, your fate is sealed <3
...currently, you were on Live. the rest of your boy toys watched with envious yet very heated gazes as your pussy was getting demolished by his dick. the close up shots were so unnecessary, the way he roughly pummels into you was so--
'$10000 from GR4YS0N_68'
'GR4YS0N_68: ugh yea terry ruin that little bitches cunt'
terry grins, feeling you getting closer. the position you and him were in was perfect, babe... perfect for a pic.
his strong hand gently but firmly grabs your jaw, making you face the camera.
he whispers to you so closely."smile for the camera, sweetie."
you oblige, a broken smile on your lips. the stream abruptly ends.
no need for the public to know what you both are doing in private anymore...
Yandere rating: 100% on money, 0.0001% for nuisance, 90% for humor (100% as batman beyond)
(finally its finished 🤕 i have so many unfinished works huhu....)
(update: ill also try editing this too <3)
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