#I just wanted to do your asks justice
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Omgggggg im so excitded to hear your thoughts Mello 4 or 3 Near 9 or 13 or whichever you prefer i also just like to hear you talkš„ŗ
I know these are supposed to be silly and quick I just have too many thoughts and I wanted to do all of them instead of one or the other *__*
3. Mello-Drinking Headcanon
I think Mello doesn't drink much on his own. Like he's not the type to just drink at home by himself (unless he's REALLY going through something) but when he's out on the town he will. And because of it I actually think he would be a total lightweight. And he just starts rambling like CRAZY when he's drunk. The guys in his gang never mention it the next morning because they're too scared to lose a finger, but Mello seems to have a lot of things he really hates??? Like SUPER specific seemingly unrelated things that he will just go on and on about. Like when their waiter had bleached silver-white hair he went on a 30 minute tirade about how people with white hair just think they're so special and pretty and they how they need to be put in their place. Or when the bar they go to has giant jenga and he loses so badly he goes on a tare about how anyone that is good at board games and puzzles are actually just big dumb idiots.
4. Mello-Angry headcanon
This one stumped me a bit because I feel like we see Mello angry so often in canon that it's hard to think of a headcanon for it. But the more I thought about it I realized that it's a big headcanon of mine that Mello fixates about things he gets angry about. Like even if he feels less angry after the fact he cannot stop thinking about it, even if it's to think about how stupid he was about getting angry in the first place. This will only take place in his head though, he will absolutely not be telling anyone that he is thinking he could ever be wrong.
9.Near-Childhood headcanon
I think when Near came to Wammy's he was VERY little. I don't have much of a headcanon about his birth family since I also think he has almost no memory of them, just flashes here and there that are more sense memories. Though I do headcanon him as half Korean and half Dutch (doesn't work super well with the entomology of the surname River, but fuck it we ball). When he's brought to Wammy's I usually think he's about 4-5 and non-verbal. He shows a lot of signs of heightened intelligence which is what lands him in Wammy's instead of a regular orphanage, but I think before they can figure out how to work with him, Near ends up having a lot of melt downs. With the way the orphanage handles things the other kids don't really see it but Near has a lot of screaming, crying fits before they find a reliable way for him to communicate.
13.Near-Sex headcanon
Idk if this will be a controversial headcanon but I think once Near has had sex a few times and becomes more comfortable with it after "solving the puzzle" of something new, he is absolutely insatiable and is the one initiates the most often. I really only see him with Mello so I always think that in a world where something happens between them and he gets to this point, the moment people leave the room and they're alone he gives Mello this look-
(Please excuse the quick crappy sketch) and pounces on him. With just no regard to how soon people will be back. Truly he is a horny monster.
#sorry this took so long I just wanted it to be good and really answer each ;__;#I just wanted to do your asks justice#Near#Mello#death note brain rot
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Spider-Man India, but... where from India?
A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.
Iām prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be āIndianā is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.
If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion ā the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.
So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarikaās Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSVās release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions ā North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South ā to do first.
The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:
THE RESULTS
South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?
Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.
Title: "Tell us who you want to seeā¦"
Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South
Context: I want to make art of the boy again
At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.
Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.
But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived ā or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:
Where did Spider-Man India come from?
FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA
As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai ā most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.
But going beyond that, itās also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - itās also known as Bombay. Itās where Bollywood films are shot. Itās where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.
Weāve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable Iāve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, youāre Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why donāt you speak Hindi? Youāre not Indian if you donāt speak Hindi, thatās Indiaās national language!
I have been ā still am ā so afraid of telling people that I donāt speak Hindi, that Iām Tamil, that I donāt care that Hindi is Indiaās ānationalā language (itās an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). Itās weird, itās isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasnāt āIndianā enough to be accepted into the group of āIndianā people.
So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk wonāt feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.
BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?
Everything, actually. Thereās a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.
It happens the moment you are born ā who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.
Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, arenāt even given the decency of respect). Donāt even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin arenāt given the time of day. Itās even worse when morality ties into it ā ālighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdomā, ādark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthyā. Itās fucking nuts.
This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times ā most times ā it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.
So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences donāt even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? Whatās his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.
BUT THAT'S THE THING ā HE'S FICTIONAL
I am guilty of this. In fact, Iāve flaunted in numerous posts how I think heās the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.
Iāve seen other people do it, too. Iāve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. Iāve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.
Iāve also seen him be written where heās subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones Iām so fond of calling out. The thing is, Iāve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it.Ā
You finally have a character who could be you, but now heās someone elseās plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and canāt do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and hereās the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone elseās whims. Heās off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.
It shouldnāt hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, youāre looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.
AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA
He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesnāt follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isnāt real! Spider-Man India isnāt real!! Heās just a dude!! The logic of our world doesnāt apply to him!!!
āBut his surname originates from ______ā okay but does that matter?
āBut heās wearing a kalari dhoti so surely heās ______ā okay but does that matter?
āBut his skin colour is darker so he must be ______ā okay but does that matter?
āBut he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______ā okay but does that matter?
I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like Iām yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.
Listen. Iām going to ask you a question that Iāve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:
Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?
... but why shouldn't i?
Iāll tell you this again ā I did the same thing. Youāre not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.
It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.
SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK
āWhat I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And thatās a good thing.ā
Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?
Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.
But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character ā suddenly, itās a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. Itās yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.
Thereās a reason why heās called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And thatās the point ā the vagueness of his identity fulfils Leeās purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called āSpider-Man Mumbaiā, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).
And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew ā youāve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.
Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.
What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally donāt care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the āanyone can wear the maskā sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. Youāre feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures ā something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.
Like I said before: Mumbattan isnāt real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:
Itās a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the āQuick tour: this is where the traffic isā section. It has four titles; the first two are written in Hindi. The third title is written in Bengali*, and the fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you wonāt see a single shred of Bengali nor Tamil there, much less any other language that's not common in Maharashtra (Western India). Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?
Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!
I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.
It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.
Itās easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I wonāt call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You donāt need to stake out territory and stand your ground ā youāre entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!
Because thereās only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it ā I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!
And, as many friends have said, itās so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. Iām actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I donāt actually have the āpure Tamilā upbringing, contrary to popular belief; Iāve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and itās made my life that much richer.Ā
So itās common for people to ānotā look like their surname, if thatās what youāre really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. Itās entirely possible and thereās nothing to disprove that.
We donāt need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the ārightā ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens ā a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.
THE POLL: REINTERPRETED
This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed ā I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.
Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this.Ā
So justā¦be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if youāre trying to convince Pavitr that heās a particular ethnicity, heās going to wave his hand at you and say, āHa, me? No, Iām one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! Iām Spider-Man India, dost!ā
(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something heās not.)
*Note: thank you dear anon for letting me know that the third title was Bengali, twas my mistake for literally completely forgetting
#long post + more tags that kinda spiral away BUT expand on the points above AND kinda puts everything together concisely#BROS THIS IS AN HONEST TO GOD ESSAY#THAT HAS BEEN COOKING IN MY HEART FOR A WHILE NOW. SIMMERING FOR MONTHS BEFORE FINALLY BOILING OVER IN THE LAST WEEK#genuinely hope you read MOST of it because yes it has Quite A Lot Of Exposition but it all matters nonetheless#put in a lot of thought into this so i expect you to do your part and challenge your thoughts as well#you see how i'm not asking for you to listen to me. but to actually Think. i want you to cook your thoughts and add some spice and flavour#and give it a good mix so you can come out of this a little more wiser than before#because!!! yeah!!!! spider man india is just that!! he's indian!!!!! we don't need to collectively agree on where he comes from#bc it gets rid of that relatability factor of spider man. at the most basic level#think of it as a schrodinger's. he is every single culture and none of them at the same time. therefore none of us are wrong!! sick!!!!#pavitr's first priority is making sure HIS PEOPLE are safe. that's probably as far as we can go that relates him back to peter parker spide#he loves his people and working in the name of justice to FIGHT for HIS PEOPLE is just the duty/responsibility he takes up#it makes sense that he loves everyone and every culture he engages with bc that's the nature of spider man i suppose#if peter parker spidey acts as the guardian for the regular folk.. then in my mind pavitr spidey stands as the bridge uniting the people#because society as its core is very fragmented. and having pavitr act as a connection to other folks.... mmmmm beautiful#that's what i'm talking abouttttt !!!#anyways guys this is literally 3001 words on my document EXCLUDING THE TITLE. THAT'S 7 PAGES AT 11pt FONT. i'm literally cryingggg wtf#pavitr prabhakar#spider man#spider man india#desi#desiblr#atsv#across the spiderverse#atsv pavitr#indian culture#india#desi tumblr#what the fuck do i tag this as#agnirambles
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Have you published this yet? š i NEED IT
I have not, I'm so sorry š I am a very slow writer and fake dating real feelings turned into a longer fic than I anticipated!! I do have a tag for it now where I post snippets, and here's some more of The Phone Call as an apology for how long this dang fic is taking (little language warning for anyone who needs it!):
#tysm for your interest!!#i don't want to jinx anything by saying when i HOPE to post it by#but now that most of the july writing challenges have wrapped up i can shift my focus back to it + the ice cream shop au#something i've learned is the longer i stare at a fic the more i will doubt myself#so writing anything longer than 3-4k words is Really Stressful#but i truly do love this fic sm and i'm so hopeful and determined to do it justice !!#it's 3 chapters and a part of me just wants to like post the first one and get it out there#but a larger part of me kind of wants to be able to post it on some kind of definite schedule#and chapter 3 was giving me a Problem as of like a week and a half ago#fake dating real feelings#liza writes#erasermic#aizawa shouta#yamada hizashi#ask#long post
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got hit with the echo+sora brainrot so i am once more rambling in your askbox about it. because reasons.
anywho i think there is something truly saddening about echo's struggles to make peace within herself and how she truly finds it hard to find that peace when she is so certain that if the truth about her origins were to be revealed to the world, much less to *sora*, everything she achieved, everything she worked for, all of which matters to her most, will crumble away in a moment's notice.
but the fear of losing all your life's work is none compared to the fear of losing sora. the feeling of poison that settled itself within themselves and between each other out of fear and tragedy of what had happened to them is familiar. echo's resemblance to dusknoir was already enough to set the two off because of how much it had all hurt to see someone you love and yourself turn into a mockery and a splitting image of someone who had pretended to care yet showed he never did at all, but this poison is louder. it hurts to bare, to carry, and to have none but yourself to be its sole holder.
but this poison, this feeling of heartache is different. because whereas the previous pain was something both of them felt, sora was lucky enough to not have known the truth about the person who she cares for so dearly.
echo knows that she used to be darkrai. and it haunts her to have known that her previous incarnation was so *cruel*, all for the sake of it just feeling right. wishing to engulf an entire world in darkness, solely for whatever desire she used to have.
and for how much she knows, how much she will hammer it into her own head that she is *not* like that anymore, that she looks at her past with sneer and disgust and that she will not be the barer of evil anymore, it will not matter in the slightest when she will have to look at sora if she were to ever find out.
how afraid, angry and dejected she would look when finding out, and how she will go on the defense/offense because of how much this will overwhelm her.
because when echo looks at her own shadow, she sees herself for what she is. she knows what she is, be it out of shame or guilt.
but when sora will look at it, she will see a tall, contorting and menacing shadow, towering over with a bright cyan eye doing nothing but looking at her, as if tempting her to make the next move.
and she defends herself. from someone she knows will not harm her. she raises her arms up in self defense from a hand that would never hurt her more than the world has already did.
she knows echo will not hurt her. and thats why she is afraid.
Oh my oh my OH MY, Sinnoh!!! YES YES YES!
HOW!!! IN THE WORLD!!! Are you so good at crawling into my head and creating these vivid analysis/snippets on my OCs??? I've barely shared ANY information about Echo and Sora because I've been wanting to hoard most of my stuff for when my fic is finally finished... but... I think you've broken my resolve a bit, if I'm entirely honest.
You know what? I'm so inspired by your accuracy and eagerness to talk about my girls that I'm gonna forgo my crippling anxiety regarding my writing skills and instead post a snippet of my WIP fic here as a treat for you. A teaser, if you will. Since I have no idea when the fic in question will actually be done and ready (or when I will be satisfied with it, cause the thing is currently 36,000 words and still slowly climbing). And now you've got me eager to share SOMETHING of my fic with you and anyone that might want to take a peek at it.
Please enjoy this conversation between Dusknoir and Echo. The topic deals a lot with what you'd described up above!! c:
[Note: this is an unedited part of my fic because I am still in the process of writing and it may change in the future, so please be gentle w/ me but I'd love to read any thoughts/comments that pop up while reading!! pls send asks or replies or anything really cause I love you guys]
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āIām going to tell you something now, and you are going to listen.ā Echo commands with a sharp bite in her voice that Dusknoir cannot fathom ignoring. He pauses and then offers a slow nod, waiting, wondering what she could possibly desire to tell him at a time like this, of all things.
Minutes pass as Echo remains rooted in place, still as her own shadow, and her eyes dart around as she stares at the patches of dry grass and sand beneath her paws. Her claws clench and unclench, digging into the earth like daggers as the wind of the forest (itās trees so close, just behind them, a looming sort of presence that could engulf them whole) whistles through the surrounding branches, carrying stray leaves of many bright greens through the chilling breeze. Dusknoir watches them dance around Echo, twirling, floating down, down, downā¦ but itās quiet, too quiet, and Dusknoir feels a shiver pass through him when Echoās voice finally rings out through the silence.
"When I evolved, Sora was petrified," She says, nearly a whisper, an admission that melts away her confidence and appears to bring her a flood of both shame and regret. Her face twists up then, strangely, like sheād felt a twinge of pain from somewhere deep inside the very fabric of her own soul and was unable to quell it. "She couldnāt even bring herself to look at me most days. At first, my appearanceā¦ well, it reminded her too much of you. And eventually of someone I used to be.ā
Someone I used to be. At that, Dusknoirās immediate reaction is to recall Echoās previous life as a human, as the miserable shell of a creature surviving alongside Grovyle that heād relentlessly hunted in the dark future. A human made of contempt and anger and apathy, who never smiled or laughed or cried or screamed like the old legends said humans would-- an entity that simply existed rather than lived. An echo of a life long dead and buried. But, judging by her tone, by her voice, by some uneasy intuition itching in the back of his mind like a swarm of pestilent Ninjaskā¦ he knows that she means something else entirely. Something that she isnāt willing to share. And frankly, that concept utterly terrifies him.
Someone I used to be. Dusknoir wants to speak, to break his own silence, wants to ask the myriad of questions bubbling up in his throat because this isn't the first time she's hinted at another life beyond being human, but those questions die at the source like a flame doused in water. And always the coward, coward, coward, instead he takes the easy way out by doing nothing at all. Whether Echo notices his surge of inner conflict or not-- the nervous wring of his hands and the tremble in his spine that he cannot control under her gaze-- she does not react.
āIād take a step and Sora would flinch away.ā Echo confesses, her markings flickering with light before going dark and dead, as if her body wished to snuff them out entirely, a deep seated rejection, a self-loathing so strong that Dusknoir cannot help but recognize it and empathize, and his heart aches, āIt took ages for her to stop shaking when Iād speak. To stop looking at me like-- like I was going toā¦āĀ
Echo grimaces like sheās enduring waves of grueling torture and doesnāt finish that string of thought, but itās not hard to make an educated guess on what went unsaid. Like I was going to betray her. Hurt her. Break her heart. Sheās been through so much already and I couldnāt bear to be another influence in the history of her suffering. I hate myself because of how I made her feel. When her eyes went wide in fear and through them I could see myself staring back like some sort of burden, some sort of curse.
āI am not my past.ā Proud and true, Echo straightens up and holds her head high, a spark igniting in her eyes, a glint of determination, a will to keep going and going despite such circumstances and strife, despite this horrid, unspeakable past that haunts her so, āAnd I am definitely not you. Itās taken a while, but I know that much now. Iāve accepted it.ā
I am not my past. And I am definitely not you.
A sigh, a breath, and Echo glances at him with a certain sorrow that cannot be described, a sorrow that lingers even through the veil of her tenacity, "But no matter how I feel, no matter my conviction, my shadows still find ways through the cracks. Every time I think I'm getting a grip and that I might finally understand myselfā¦ I change all over again." She admits, sounding more angry and tired than defeated now-- like a mirror of her old self, her human self that had clawed and damned and cursed him, despised him more than anything. "I hate it. I hate that I never truly know who I am. That I have to learn about my past through stories others tell me, or through fragments of twisted, broken memories that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Through conflict and pain andā¦ and..."
"Echo," Dusknoir murmurs her name softly, an offering, a potential escape if only she would wish to drop the subject and forget this conversation had ever happened-- if she'd overstepped and needed an excuse to back out, a diversion, an understanding. And briefly, Dusknoir wonders why she is opening up about this particular information, why she would delve into something so vulnerable, so personal. Why she would bring up this hurtful history when it obviously brings her great discomfort.
And then, he gets an answer.
āYouāre lucky, Dusknoir." There it is, that wildfire burning in her eyes again. A spark thatās new and bold and startling. But lucky? No, never. He'd have to disagree, accounting the mountain of evidence that was his life and regrettable deeds.
"You already know exactly who you are and what youāve done, and most importantly why. You have more than a tattered picture of yourself that reflects broken answers. And you can change with that knowledge. I see you trying.ā She tells him, searching, looking for something so deeply and Dusknoir wishes he knew what it could be so that he could give it to her, because he would, he would gladly give it to her without a second thought if it meant they could be close again. But he isnāt a fool, and heās wise enough to know theyāll never be like they were before. āAnd if somehow I could change, even as half-assed as I have. Well, then whatās your excuse?ā
You can do it, say her unspoken words, I believe in you.
#Sinnoh I have so many Echo and Sora feels right now and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT HOW DO I COPE#like... i am so amazed with what you wrote in this ask i honestly don't even know HOW to reply because I'm stunned it's so perfect#my fic is from Dusknoir's POV and explores his relationship with Grovyle and Celebi and also his reconciliation with Echo and Sora#just stating that for anyone who hasn't seen my previous post about my WIP fic cause that was like... more than 6 months ago#I am... really REALLY nervous posting this because Dusknoir is very beloved by the community and I wanna do him justice#and there are SO many amazing writers amongst my mutuals and I wanna be a COOL KID like you guys#I realize this snippet is mostly just about Echo and that Dusknoir has no actual dialogue... (even tho he talks A LOT in the fic)#but the portions of Dusknoir's thoughts and descriptions I want to GET RIGHT the vibes need to be ACCURATE#(pls tell me the vibes are accurate)#note: he is majorly nervous rn tho cause he and Echo have not fully reconciled and he's TRYING to listen and be there for her now#(insert his attempt at dadnoir; he's giving it a shot guys)#Meanwhile Echo is dealing with BIG TIME problems and regrets and guilt cause Dusknoir returning to the past resurfaced all of that grief#Me; the writer; knowing that the truth about Echo's past would mess up Dusknoir for YEARS: oh my idiot ghost dad... you have NO idea bro#echo/umbreon#sora/lucario#pmd ocs#dusknoir#pmd eos#pmd2#wip fic#Yes I have a fic title but I'm not sharing it cause it's spoilers ok
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Sobbing and crying just saw your post of us sounding like a Sim, and I am DYING.
What if it went the other way? They can understand us, but we can't understand them!
Us : hey so what the fuck is happening why tf am I in genshin impact
Them : OMG ASKSKSKSKS FEDERRRALL MEERKK TREEESO! (Omg it's the divine God I'm shittinh myself oml) or whatever idk)
Us: excuse me what the fuck did you just say about my mother? (US mishearing or maybe the words are randomized? Who knows)
Everyone just being confused and frustrated on why you can't understand them. Is it because they aren't worshipping you enough? Maybe some friendship level BS where obly those who are lvl 10 can understand u or smth? Who knows, certainly not the Creator.
I highkey am thinking about writing smth for this now but having it be for like each archons reaction or smthin but who knows. I just wanna see a bunch of divine beings confused outta their mind in like whatever cities square and it turning into a "holy game of charades"
Also happy early birthday ajdjdjkdkdkdk
IāM SO LATE SO THANK YOU FOR THE BDAY WISHES LMAO SORRY KARMA MY BELOVED
AHHHHH U INSPIRED ME BY THE ARCHONS HOLY GAME OF CHARADES-
AND OH NO LVL 10 ONLY FRIENDSHIP UNDERSTANDING-
(ć„ ļæ£ Ā³ļæ£)ć„ here have a hug for your patience- sorry karma!! :')
LMAO this inuyasha gif- obviously everyone else guessing what ur doing and the 2 others r like ppl like Venti or Kaeya who r just fucking with ppl by joining you lol
OK BUT WHO DO U HAVE LVL 10 FRIENDSHIP?!
BC I GOT NOBODY š
ITS RLLY HARD TO DO OKAY-
I HAVE TO PUT ACTUAL EFFORT INTO THE FEW THAT ARE LEVEL 4-5Ā
ID BE SO FUCKED-
Oh no.
Oh god (you??) no.
What if you had the highest friendship with little d**ks like Scaramouche.
noooOOOOOO
Heād be like, āEh, I donāt feel like translating today.ā š
Also Iām rolling with the idea thatĀ
perfect understanding = lvl 10,
Most words 7-9
Some words 5-6
Kinda ?? they get 2 words per sentence or smth 3-4
Basically nothing 1-2
ā
Anyway ornery bitches like Scara/Xiao/Alhaitham/Rosaria/Diluc (all for diff reasons like diluc/xiao would just be overwhelmed and dont like ppl that much lol, whereas haitham doesnt give a fuck lmao) would kinda suck to have as translators
OH NOT THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD JUST LIE ABOUT WHAT U SAID ON PURPOSE TO DECEIVE THE MASSES LIKE Heizou/Yae Miko/Kaeya/VentiĀ
They pull something like āoh well the god of gods said I could have the last slice of cake/an extra glass of wine heheā
For different reasons these people would also be ROUGH translators: FISCHL OH NO- , Zhongli, Albedo (he simply would omit āunnecessary detailsā, cyno, ITTO PLEASE, Raiden (puppet) bc shed take stuff too far/too literally u would never be able to communicate jokes, Razor (im sorry bbyboy), Shenhe
THE CHARADDEEESSS
THE CHARADES OF THE GODSĀ
You may or may not get another title of a jokester god bc of these SILLY charades š
The people u have higher levels of friendship with giving hints LMAO
ā¤
āUhhhā¦.. Oh! Oh! Greatest Lord wishes to see a dance performance!āĀ
Nahidaās sweet voice rings out in Yujing Terrace, her tiny hand waving in the air like an elementary student whoās really excited to answer. ā¦Which isnāt that far off honestly.
āHmm, I disagree Buer, I believe the Hundun Emperor is saying they wish to take a bath perhaps. I am also attempting to use context, as it has been a long day for them.ā Zhongli is in his classic āmajestic thinking gentlemanā pose, and youād admire it more if it werenāt for the fact that they donāt seem to be getting what youāre saying.
You hadnāt yet found someone with a higher friendship level than 2 or 3 (hey, donāt blame yourself, you really have to put effort into friendship levels to get them anywhere and you were still busy screwing around in Sumeru when you got spirited away).
So needless to say, most people were getting āthe, me, I, you, etc.ā rather than the actual important keywords you needed them to, hence the godly charade game now.
As you āholdā something, you throw your hands up in the air, still keeping your hands wrapped around nothing. You think if somebody told you last week that youād be playing charades with the archons in Genshin Impact so you could actually communicate with themā¦ well you donāt know what you would have done. Maybe just gave them a really awkward laugh.
āOh! Are you asking for a weapon? Akitsu Mikami, my emperor, we or our nations will surely provide protection from any harm that might befall you. Hm, I suppose we should offer something anywayā¦ I wouldnāt want to displease themā¦ā Ei mutters to herself, having taken over her puppet once more for the occasion.
She and Buer, still retaining their authority status, had asked for the area to be cleared in order to try and get closer to communicating with the Divine First, or you.
āHa! What idiot would try to hurt the All-Parent in their home, unless they wish to get thrown?ā Venti cheekily says, as you donāt understand him, but judging by Zhongliās clenched jaw, Eiās sigh, and Nahidaās giggle, you can guess.
You give your own sad sighā¦ itās already been 3 hours. š
How hard is charades for 4 archons??
Wellā¦ apparently very hard.
You put your face in your hands, and you hear the (retired) archons start to debate something, you can tell itās getting a little passive-aggressive between Venti and Zhongli by their tone alone.Ā
ā¦Okay, now itās just aggressive.
The archons eventually give their attention back to you so you can go back to your charades lol
You tried opening your mouth and closing it, very obvious, they canāt go wrong.Ā
ā¦Turns out they can.Ā
Somehow you find yourself with a hot tea brewed by the geo archon.Ā
(Venti attempted to offer you Dandelion Wine, or Osmanthus Wine even, and only god, well you now, knows where he pulled them from. Ei swatted his head, he looked so offended, and his cheeks were all puffed up, heh.)
Giving up, you just try to motion for them to stay still, your hands gesturing like trying to calm a wild animal.
They give you questioning looks, and you begin to walk off, they all seem to immediately start discussing something with each other. All of the gods look very conflicted, and after a minute of you getting further away (yes, youāre almost home free, Xiangling here you come! ) Nahida skips to catch up with you.
She gives you a beaming smile, and you canāt bring yourself to not return it. She's so much cuter in real life, even the official art didn't do her justice.
You make your way towards the restaurant, finally.
And apparently youāre happier than you thought to smell the savory scents flowing out of the kitchen because your stomach growls loudly.
Youāre too hungry to even attempt to stop it, no one will care, except Nahidaās eyes go wide. She begins to sputter, and flail her hands desperately trying to charade an apology at you.
ā¦you were just trying to tell them you were hungry. š
ā
Ask box open again! :] š
Pspspspspssubliminalmessagingyouwillsendthatdeadaquariusanaskpssppspspspspssss
āØļøHope you guys got smth out of this rough draftāØļø ā”
:D hope u guys have had a good weekend!
My senior art exhibit is april 6th so wish me luck and prayers (from any religion im not picky pls)
Safe Travels,
šāļø
ā”the belovedsā”
@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist
#hope this was alright i felt like my scenario wasnt written the best :/ but i tried ig#i still def wanted to write abt the gods charades lmao#but idk if i did that funny idea justice#venti would literally just mimic whatever charade your doing hes useless#hope u arent a venti main lol#genshin impact#genshin sagau#sagau#genshin imagines#genshin sagau ideas#gender neutral reader#genshin isekai#genshin god reader#genshin impact sagau#genshin impact self aware#my asks#dammit why can tumblr memorize all my tags for me#genshin scenarios
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How about 1, 3, 5, 7, 8 9 & 11 for the ā¤ļøš§”šbl ask game ššš (this might be my sneaky way to get bl recs)
1. Favorite Main Couple
Hira & Kiyoi, from Utsukushii Kare/My Beautiful Man.
For one, I really like these characters, not only for what they are like as a couple, but for them. For their personalities, their thought process, the way they talk and feel about things. That already sets them apart from other couples that I've enjoyed as far as their romance went, but didn't get invested in (both!) the characters themselvesāand I noticed there seems to be a correlation between how much I like the characters involved, and how much I care about their romance.
But if we're talking about them as a couple, I think what I like the most about their relationship is the equilibrium. The idea that Hira and Kiyoi are perfectly balanced.
Aaaand I know there is definitely at least one person who have watched the show going āWHATā right now, but let me explain first š¤š§
Hira loves in a way that is very, very specific, and Kiyoi wants to be loved in a certain way that is also very specific. The love that Hira has to give, not everyone can handle; the love that Kiyoi would like to receive, not everyone can give to him. The fact that they meet and somehow find in each other exactly what they craved for?
That's the stuff miracles (and OTPs) are made of.
3. Favorite Main Character
Hey, have I ever told you the story of How I Met My Blorbo? No? Well. Would you believe it. It was actually through a āMost Whippedā poll from the infamous @ bl-bracket.
It was the second round, and he was winning against Kurosawa, from Cherry Magicāsomeone whose whippedness I was already familiar with, and thought would be pretty hard to beat. I didn't know who this Hira guy was, or what he could have possibly done or be like to be considered more whipped than Kurosawa. So, already intriguing. I went back to check the first round. On that round, he had won by an even larger margin. It was almost ridiculous. Taking a look at the comments left in the reblogs of both rounds, who I got described back to me was a boy who was so whipped it was considered weird and probably unhealthy. Huh! Very intriguing indeed. By then, I was practically sold.
It was only a surface level of interest at first, just because I think Being Whipped is one of the best character traits for someone in a romantic relationship to have; as well as being very intense, and even a little (or a lot) weird about it.
But then, I actually met him and *breathes in* God, there's so much to say about Hira. I fear I'll never get to say it all... but let me summarize to the best of my abilities (I'll try to keep it short).
The Hira that we're first introduced to is a resigned boy who feels inadequate and rejected by his school peers. His response to that unwelcome environment is that he, himself, doesn't wanna be a part of the communityāhe'd rather keep to himself, or ābe invisibleā, as he puts it. He finds comfort in his solitude, or at least he tries to.
He has a hobbyāphotographyābut he feels like he just does that for the sake of doing it. There's nothing in particular that he'd like to photograph. He's just going with the flow. All he does in life, it seems, is go with the flow, letting the tides take him forward.
Essentially, he's lacking companionship and a purpose, and that's a very frustrating way to live. When you just lack one or the other, you can still find some fulfillment in what you have. But when you lack both? It gets really hard to think of your lifeāor yourselfāas valuable.
So when he meets Kiyoi Sou, and decides to dedicate his whole being to himābody, mind, and soul? I get it. I really do. Because the acts of service give him purpose, a reason to be, and it also establishes a connection to somebody, even if it's unilateral. It's a chance to be present, but somewhat still at the margins, never the one at the center of attention.
Hira believes he's unworthy of attention. He stays so much in his own head, he can't see his own qualities. And mind you, he has plenty of qualities! For example: Hira is book smart (see: finishes his homework much faster/with less difficulty than the others), strong (see: no less than three people are needed to hold him back when he's defending Kiyoi with his own hands), competent (see: learning how to do all house chores by himself), talented (see: admired by the other members of his uni's Photography Club), and handsome too (see: gif above people who had never met him before commenting on his looks and even hitting on him as soon he takes his hair off his face and dresses in an outfit that complements his body). Well-mannered, loyal, honest to a fault. And cute, in an awkward way. And funny, even when he has no intention to be.
But, of course, he has some flaws too, like... *frowns*... *frown deepens*... It will come to me... *staring at the wall*... Oh. He usually won't communicate how he feels unless someone else prompts him to. Which can be frustrating and cause problems... but that's on everyone else *shrugs*
(I jest like I'm not one of the people who have felt frustrated because of this...)
As much as he might struggle to communicate how he feels verbally, though, usually his face will give him away. Be it showing his displeasure, or his awe. And no one shows awe like Hira Kazunari. Like, I don't know how the actor, Riku, does that, but you can see literal stars in his eyes sometimes. āOh, you mean heart eyes?ā nononono ā I've seen heart eyes. That's not it. It's not the look you give a loverāit's the look of someone who travels back in time and watches the universe born.
Which sounds normal, right? No! No, it doesn't! Now you get what I mean about this guy?! How can someone be so passionate about anything? He's so... So. He's so much. He found what he wanted to dedicate his life to, and he never once doubted the conviction he has in its merit. That was it for him. The fucking big bang, over and over, forever. Nothing can compare to that, and his life is fulfilled as long as he gets to keep experiencing it.
... Anyways. He's a fascinating little guy, and a kindred spirit to me. I love watching him discover that he's capable and deserving of being and having much more than he assumes he isādespite his every attempt to deny himself so.
5. Favorite Female Character
So, I already answered this one time, but allow me to take this awesome opportunity to mention two other female characters that haunt me to this dayāthe sisters from Manner of Death, Janejira and Rungtiwa.
Now, if you're not familiar with themābasically, one is one of the most disgusting people you'll ever have the displeasure of knowing, and the other did nothing wrong in her life and suffered more than Jesus.
Jane, although not being there in person for most of it, is a fundamental piece to the narrative. She's what brings everything together. You could almost say MOD is her storyāabout discovering what happened to her and why that happened to her; her motivations, and the conclusion to her mission.
Honestly, I don't think I could do half of what Jane had the courage to attempt. Except for Tan and Dr. Bunn, it seemed like the whole world was against her. Powerful, terrifying people, as well as people close to her. People who should have been on her side no matter what, were the ones who hurt her the most. That in itself could break anybody's spirit. But she kept going. When the ones who should have defended her weren't there, she fought back for herself. She said she would do it herself. She would put an end to it herself; finally take back the control of her story.
When I think about all the rage, horror, and hurt that woman must have felt, I just about go mad all over again.
And Rungtiwa. When I talk about Jane's older sister, it might sound like I hate her. And I do. She's the character I hate the most out of every universe. The day she has no more haters, I'm no longer in this world.
But, as it is inevitable, the more you hate somebody, the longer they stay with you. I'll never forget about Rungtiwa, or how deep run her greed. What it led her to do, and to become.
7. Top 5 BL
Utsukushii Kare
A few months ago, I read a list in here, on this very website. Someone had asked for recommendations on High School Japanese BLs, and the kind owner of the blog made a list of their favorites. There were about five of them, it wasn't a long list, but Utsukushii Kare was listed as one of them.
That was very weird.
No, I don't disagree with the author of the post. Utsukushii Kare is good, and should be recommended. There was nothing wrong with that list, technically. But it still felt weird, to see Utsukushii Kare there, among the others. And it was then I realized that, before that moment, I had never, ever, ever thought of this drama as a High School Love Story.
I had never thought of it as a story that had a school as a setting, and it wasn't just because they were only high school students for half of it. I didn't consider Hira's house as the setting either, nor any of the other locations they passed through. Not even the city they lived in. In my head, to call those places the setting of their story was technically correct, but also completely wrong.
āWell, Brace, where did you consider the story was set, then?ā Hira & Kiyoi's World, of course?????? What kind of stupid ques-
Listen. Even when they were at school, in many of those scenes, it was just the two of them. When they were outside, too, they were alone together, in most of them. And when not, more often than not, they would be looking at each other, would be thinking of each other. It was like nothing else mattered... more.
This drama helped me give name to my favorite trope of all time, which I now call A World of Two. Well, it's more like a dynamic than a trope, and one day I'd like to talk about it more extensively in a separate post, because there are specific causes and possible collateral effects to itābut it's basically when two people make each other the center of their worlds.
When they come together, it's like they are in a separated space and time from everything. It's a whole world in a single space, that they share together, and it can only exist because of the connection they have. Some kind of mutual understanding or attachment that makes the ones outside of it, strangers, but the two inside, natives; from the same land, the same home.
(In that space, during that time, they feel more like themselves than in any other.)
Never Let Me Go
I struggle to find words to describe or something to compare it to... It's like...
A movie from the 1970's that is set in the 2020's, except the vibes are not futuristic, but of an old play, a tale as old as time. A modern fairytale. A dream that you wake up from and it's like you just came back from an adventure; all your memories of it have a glint to them, the colors in tones you have never seen, your heart longing for another world, the feeling of plenitude. A melody that sounds grand in a ball room, but intimate in your home, when you play it for a loved one. A blend of summer love and 72 years of marriage. Butterflies in your stomach. Heaven on Earth.
The more I talk, the more pretentious I sound (although it's all true). So let me try to keep it simple: I like the classics. I like when people join forces to fight against the world together, overcoming obstacles and the miserable situation they are in. But I also think there should be just as muchāactually, even moreājoy, love, and hope, in between all that. To show what they could be, what could be theirs, if it wasn't for all The Horrors. I believe that's what makes the most satisfying Happy Endings.
... There's also something about how Palm and Nuengdiao would get lost in each other's eyes. The recognition thereāa conversation between their souls, that no one else was privy to.
Strangers From Hell
Still funny that the devil fell in love with him and Yoon Jongwoo tried to convince you he didn't understand why, but he was lying the entire time.
Also my doctor said I can call BL whatever I want, because of the uniquely acute vision I have (he's a dentist).
KinnPorsche
[Little House on the Hill starts playing on the background]
A part of me stayed at that safehouse. It may never find a way out.
... Also. Maybe some people look back now and are able to think KinnPorsche was not that big of a deal, but to me, she still remains That Bitchā¢.
The cinematography, those locationsāthey are severed in my brain. Most of the songs from the soundtrack were not made with it in mind, but it was almost like they were. I still listen to many of them. And I can still repeat many of those lines of dialogue from memoryāa reflection of how many times I had them repeated to me because of how impactful or iconic they were for us. The storyline was engaging, every week. Both the protagonists and antagonists were entertaining. There were many characters, and they made us remember them all. Even those who were only there briefly. And all three main couples were goodāyou'd get hurt no matter what your preference was :D
And all the while, great action scenes, plus some other surprises no one had ever seen on television anywhere.
It was the most thrilling experience I've had watching anything, and sometimes I fear I'll never get to feel that again.
Love in the Air
Everyone puts different values on different things. LITA might be a bit rough around the edges, but both Love Storm and Love Sky are comfort zones to me.
Their stories are, at their core, about trust. And you know what? It's easy to make a story about that in which one of the characters doesn't trust easily and the other is this admirable, dependable person... but that's not quite how it goes here.
In LITA, the people (Rain / Prapai) who need to earn another's (Payu / Sky) trust, don't exactly inspire that trust in the beginning. In fact, they do the opposite, and need to work for it, to become a version of themselves that they, too, come to believe that their partners deserve.
Sky's and Payu's trust issues come from past relationships that went wrong, but in very different ways. Sky was in an abusive relationship, and discarded when it was over; Payu was rejected for his personality, his overbearing tendencies. Those experiences led them to not open up their hearts as easily again.
On the other end of this, there are Prapai and Rain, and they are... they are a mess, it's the word. They are so lost, at their respective starting points. But Rain, at least, receives instructions: Payu wants him to succeed, if Payuāthe way he isāis what Rain decides is right for him. If he's serious about it. And despite the initial mishaps, it's always clear that they are a perfect match, singing to each other's tune.
There was no such clarity, however, when it came to Prapai and Sky. In fact, when people were first introduced to Prapai, a lot of us thought that he was... inadequate. That he was not right for Sky, and he would not care for him the way Sky deserved.
And then, what happened? We cried. We bawled our eyes out, because of how much he genuinely fucking cared. And some of us (me), I dare say, have never recovered from that.
8. First BL
The first BL drama I've watched was Where Your Eyes Linger, back when it was released in 2020. A friend thought I'd be interested in seeing history being made, so she made us watch together. At the time, I was not into asian dramas yetāthe few I watched every now and then were because of my friend.
Rewatching it recently, I realized WYEL has a ship dynamic that I usually enjoy a lot, and some well done emotional scenesāwhich, for some reason, didn't have an effect on me the first time, because I don't remember the story lingering with me after. Probably because it was short and passed too fast, if I had to guess? But I can appreciate it for what it is more, now.
It took three more BLs till I became a regular watcherāI watched Addicted (stumbling upon it by chance on youtube) and Semantic Error (presented by the aforementioned friend), before watching Manner of Death, a story so dope that it made me fold and search for more BLs on purpose, just in case there were other stories that good out there. It was the first step into a world of possibilities I was previously unaware of, and I have found I quite like it in here.
9. Currently Watching
Kidnap [9/12]
Takara no Vidro [4/10]
Perfect 10 Liners [2/24]
The Eighth Sense [1/10]
HIStory 3: Trapped [17/20]
Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan [1/10]
I'm using colors to represent how I'm currently feeling about them:
Pink: positive feelings
Blue: neutral feelings
Orange: negative feelings
Right now I don't really have the energy to binge, so it's been a slow catch up with my watchlist. I've been trying to watch BLs from different countries (because this year most have been Thai) and dramas in general of other genres (because most of what I've watched this year was romance). Also more GLs (there is a great diversity of them available right now!). But yes, as for BLs, only the ones listed.
Oh, but I'm also waiting for new episodes of a korean BL animation called Shutline...? Which is more smut than plot, to be completely frank, but I started watching because the main characters are a mechanic and a gang member whose job includes killing people (that might sound familiar š¬). Apparently, āI'm watching because there's a mechanicā is the new āI'm watching because there's a dentistā for me (and only God knows the places that will take me).
11. Most Anticipated Upcoming BL
It might come as a surprise, as I've been very tight-lipped, lowkey, and downright secretive about it... but it's the (alleged) romcom series The Heart Killers.
I just think āapproaching a dangerous person with ulterior motives without getting caughtā is an intriguing premise, you know? Keeping elaborated secrets is a difficult task, especially when it might cost your life; worse when you lose the plot and get enticed by your own lies, the fantasy you created for someone else, and might end up breaking your own heart in the process.
That's a ride that is bound to be full of ups and downs, and I need to know how high they're gonna take us before the drop, as well as how rough or delicate will be the pick up later.
I'm also just really excited to meet these characters and see how their dynamics will play out. I'm compelled by Bison's longing for freedom; allured by Kant's charms; amused by Style's shamelessness; and, last but not least, possessed by a mighty need to see someone reach inside Fadel's armor and pull at a loose thread until he falls apart.
I just think this one is gonna be fun. :)
(tried to make it sound like the normal kind of excitement, but I don't wanna lie to you, mate... I'm obsessed with this thing. It's been pretty bad. Like, really bad. It's been like that for six months, and it has only gotten worse... Don't try to help me, though!! š©š At this point, the only antidote is the release of the series...)
ā
I don't know how useful this could have been as for recs, since most of the shows I mentioned are no strangers to this blog's page, but... this gave me an opportunity to reflect on them, and I enjoy doing that. So thank you for picking these numbers for me! šš
See you o/
#answered#sorry for the tiny š¤ delay#the more I like something the more I want to make it justice#I think that little description for NLMG took me... 3 to 4 days? idk. I was so stressed about it I couldn't sleep lol#because if you just casually ask me āwhy do you like nlmg? why is it on your top 5?ā#my answer would be ābecause it's beautifulā#but this is not hannibal season 3 finale the wrath of the lamb#I can't just say āit's beautifulā#context is needed#I gotta at least try explaining whyā y'know? I feel like I owe them that much#(meā a teacher) I'm just not very good at explaining things š
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ppl in fandom will try to frame male character favouritism in fandom as if its a serious issue and hidden symptom of irl misogyny but im sittin here looking behind them at the 1 billion trans boys/transmascs who are either still questioning/closeted or even fully out and are just exploring their gender through fiction. what im trying to say is that its not that serious. i think everyone does this on some level, its why a lot of irl lesbians/sapphics, esp trans lesbians/sapphics, only ship f/f. but shipping isnt activism. you already have space. +1 m/m shipper doesn't mean another f/f shipper blinks out of existence. we are all playing with dolls in our separate corners
there is something to be said about how male characters on average are written with more care and attention than female characters, but in smth like homestuck???? where the girls and women literally drive the plot and have 90% of the action????? and have arguably way more compelling storylines and backstories?????? cmon now. cmon now. we're talking about the trans fandom(tm) here. i think we should stop for a second before we rev up to bash someone's ship preferences and think 'maybe they get euphoria out of this' and then move tf on. like just move on guys
#my t#id like to see more f/f too but lets maybe take a step back and remember that not everything is about girls/sapphics either#sometimes the sheer amount of yaoi you see on your feed daily is from literally a handful of gay trans guys who are just. yknow. being gay#if you dont wanna see it then unfollow them instead of trying to act like its a issue of justice or smth#and yeah other people get angry at sapphics only shipping f/f WHICH IS PART OF THE BULLSHIT CYCLE ACTUALLY#AND IS EQUALLY SHITTY BEHAVIOUR!!!#we get assholes getting angry at f/f shippers who then direct their own anger at m/m shippers#who by and large dont go out of their way to do that shit???#i see way more 'EW I DONT WANT TO SEE XYZ' from f/f exclusive shippers on average#which is usually paired with the ''testosterone is poison and men are evil'' mentality. sus#ask any m/m shipper what they about f/f they'll say they like it its just not their focus#ask an f/f exclusive shipper and theres like 40-60% chance theyll say its bc men are gross or that they hate men#like christ guys......how about we all just encourage e/o to make our own shit instead. its fandom. its supposed to be a fkin hobby
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ok im gonna be so controversial for a second why the fuck where the fuck is my xena warrior princess remake i understand there are lots of sapphic shows that are getting cancelled rn but we need to say fuck off to all of those and refocus our attentions on what's important and that's making xena as gay as it should have been
#'yellow jackets' this and fucking 'cannibal lesbians' that#WHERE IS MY FUCKING#XENA REMAKE.#WHERE IS IT.#THEY ARE SOULMATES.#WHERE THE FUCK IS IT.#I'M SICK OF PLAYING W YALL IM SICK OF ACTING LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE#FUCK YOUR OTHER WLW SHOWS I WANT THIS ONE.#like i even have like 5 different xenas and gabrielles in my head bitch#put me in charge of this FUCKING project i will do it SO MUCH justice#yall bitches aren't fucking ready#you couldn't handle it#that's why it hasn't been done#that's why nobody is asking for it#you can't fucking HANDLE it.#i dont even need a full series remake bitch#i can tell you what i need from a 2 hour movie RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#LETS GET THE BALL FUCKING ROLLING#I DONT EVEN WANT TO BE PAID FOR IT I JUST WANT IT TO EXIST
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Hello! I'm back with more thoughts! I've seen so many posts and fics lately where everyone is super mean to Steve and I'm emotional I just want people to be nice to him. He gives so much to everyone! He cares so much! Idk I'm just an emo Steve Girlie rn
Give me a Robin who loves Steve with all her heart. He's her best friend, her platonic soulmate, her favourite guy. Robin, who makes sure to say "love ya, dingus" every time she says goodbye to Steve. When they hang up the phone, when one finishes a shift at Family Video, when one leaves the others house. And Steve always responds in kind, saying he loves her, and calling her Robbie or Robs or Dork or Dweeb. It makes Dustin absolutely insufferable, with him still not shutting up about them dating, but neither of them want to stop. Steve got literally tortured for her, she thought he died down in that bunker and there's no way she's stopping telling him that she loves him.
Robin and Steve who tell each other everything, things they've never told anyone else. Steve who tells Robin about the Halloween party. About bullshit. About how Nancy never loved him. How she broke his heart. He's over Nancy, but fuck, sometimes it still fucking hurts. And Robin who responds by immediately phasing the phase bullshit out of her vocabulary. Who makes sure to let Steve know that she loves him and always will.
Give me someone actually acknowledging that Steve is smart in his own way. Steve, who will occasionally venture into the Wheelers basement when Hellfire runs overtime to round up the kids, only to find absolutely everyone arguing over what to do next. Gareth, Jeff, the other one, all of the party. They'll ask Eddie a question (who is sitting behind his screen looking smug as hell) and then get back to bickering. And almost automatically Steve just says "What about X?" And proceeds to point out a detail that literally everyone missed. Because he's good at noticing things! He's aware! He's smart! He's the one who pointed out the Indiana Flyer music on the Russian message. If it weren't for him - Robin and Dustin still would have thought the message came from Russia itself. And someone says 'Good idea Steve'. And later Eddie admits to Steve that he was 100% right. The others were running themselves in circles, overthinking everything. If it weren't for Steve, they'd probably still be stuck there.
Give me a Dustin who loves Steve like a brother. Who keeps inviting Steve over for Sunday roast with his mother, and for a sleepover and pizza on a Friday after school because he genuinely loves spending time with Steve. Who tells him things he doesn't tell his mother, asks him for help with his hair. Bring back their dorky handshake that they made together when Dustin made Steve watch Star Wars with him (it wasn't super his thing, but he liked the teddy bears and Dustin loves it, so). They argue and bicker and tease each other like siblings - know exactly how to push each others buttons - but they love each other (even if Steve still thinks Dustin needs to learn more about humility and personal boundaries. If he has to hear one more comment about him dating Robin he swears to God...)
Give me an Eddie who starts dating Steve and instantly turns into the sappy, cheesy, absolutely head over heels goofball he really is under all that bluster. He put on a mask of his own, just like Steve used to. The freak, the metal head, the Satanist, and intimidating drug dealing son of a bitch. But he's really just a dorky guy who cares so passionately about the things he's interested in, trying to make his way and find his place in the world. Eddie, who realised he can be a bit of a hypocrite - once saying all jocks and popular kids were conformists and assholes, putting them in boxes - and then dating Steve who genuinely likes his light wash jeans and polo shirts. Who has fun playing basketball with Lucas and watching the baseball with Wayne (and doesn't that make Eddie's heart clench, seeing his two favourite people together). Who does these things because he likes them, actually, not because they'd make him popular.
So Eddie makes sure to tell Steve that the new polo he bought looks really good on him, nice pick babe. (And he's not lying - that shirt does amazing things to his shoulders, and the colour looks really nice with his skintone.) Eddie who smiles and nods when Steve starts talking about this really cool car he saw drive through town the other day, you should have seen it Eds; or about this really awesome play in the game last night, he was on the edge of his seat, because Steve just lights up having someone who listens. His parents never did. Tommy and Carol never did. So Robin does. So Eddie does.
Just Eddie loving and caring for this amazing guy he got the privilege to date (scared as they both are). Steve, his wonderful boyfriend who tries to learn about metal for him, and goes to Corroded Coffin concerts for him, and takes him to the drive in to see a horror that Steve doesn't like but Eddie does.
So Eddie goes on hikes with Steve (they're exhausting, but Steve seemed so happy to have him with him); and tries to learn the rules of Basketball to surprise him; and picks cheesy action movies to watch together because Steve likes them.
I just want fluff
And I just want to live in this. Oh my god this has squeezed my heart to the point of immobilisation. I canāt say anything other then please please if you ever expand on this Iāll be first in line. Steve has been the protector, the carer, the overseer, the worrier for everyone important to him and he is so reluctant to let somebody do that for him. Reluctant because he doesnāt want to get used to something that could be so easily taken away from him.
It takes him time but eventually Steve learns to accept this love from his friends. Letās himself be loved with no expectations. The thing is itās hard, really hard. He keeps trying to āpay people backā for the kindness they show him. Thinks it is an exchange and panics when he thinks he hasnāt held up his side of the friendship. Tries to practically throws gifts at them, hoping he can buy their favour and that they wonāt throw him to the side.
It gets to be too much and he gets overwhelmed and he cries. Heās in family video with Robin, eddie and Dustin. The three of them planning weekend activities, making sure to ask Steve what he wants to do and he just cracks. Canāt stop himself. Apologises, tells himself heās being stupid. Takes himself off to the back room. Itās so abrupt that they all follow him, asking if heās okay. Steves reluctant to say but then they see the tears in his eyes
āso stupid guys Iām so sorry Iām trying really hard. Please tell me what to do. I need to make it up to you, please. I promise I canā
Robin crowds into his space, hugging him from behind.
āSteve. This isnāt how this works. Itās okay. You are okay. You donāt buy us. Iām too expensive for that anywayā
Eddie is leaning up against the doorframe, fingers twitching to touch steve, reassure him, but restrains himself
āStevie, sweetheart, believe it or not, we want to do stuff with you. I have personally found a deep and unspeakable love for hearing you wax poetic about cars, so please. Now that I am acclimatised, donāt take that away from me?ā Itās all said with a smile but itās sincere and Steve can see that
Dustin goes to start talking but Steve stops him
āHenderson if you say one nice word I swear to god Iāll never let you live it down.ā
So Dustin just flips his middle finger with a smile but still lets out a ālove you manā
Steve brushes Robin off, tries to act like itās no big deal. Tries to accept what heās been told. Its not instantaneous and itās not easy but he wants to accept it, wants to try and see what his friends see.
Robin and Steve close up family video, Eddie and Dustin getting in the way and are lovingly pushed out the door. Steve tells them to go wait at his house, that heās having a movie night and they should get snacks. Robin smiles at him, glad that Steve is letting them stay close, that he isnāt pushing them away after being vulnerable. Itās a big step and they all know it. Steve Harrington is letting himself be loved.
#Iām so sorry I took so long to get to this Iāve been pretty overloaded at work and didnāt want to rush this#I wish I could do your words justice.#your ask deserves to be its own text post#just like all of your writing#I am but a clown in your court#thank you for sharing thsi#I feel so strongly for stebe and he deserves to much and he probably pushes so much away#god Steve let people love you not the idea of you or the actions you perform#stranger things#steddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#ask#stobin
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Wait senā¦ I would actually be so seated for bottom makiā¦
okay so basically like yes
the thing about maki is that, while her peers were busy partying, she Studied the Blade; as such, it is unsurprising that she's a turbo-virgin (affectionate).
the thing about maki is that, despite her intimidating physique, gnarly battle scars, impossibly sharpened reflexes, and peerless battle prowess, she's quite inept when it comes to matters of interpersonal connection. even before her Power Up Moment (read: Zen'in Katana Massacre) she was still a brusque, self-centered (affectionate), straight forward, blunt individual with a single-minded focus on revenge. little time to explore anything else besides combat & curses.
the thing about maki is that, the first time you make a move on her, it might register as a threat -- after all, the only other circumstances under which her pulse skyrockets and perspiration beads at her temples is when she's in active battle. are you mocking her? challenging her, even? are your half-lidded eyes and low intonations a trojan horse concealing some unknown horrors, meant to tear her down the very moment her guard falters?
the thing about maki is that once she gets it through her thick skull of hers that you are genuinely, actually coming onto her, all logical thought halts in its tracks. she knows how to wield a cursed weapon with such precision that the admiration of her deft maneuvers are often times the last bit of pleasure left in her enemies' last moments. it's been a long time since she's felt like a fish out of water. it shouldn't be as exciting as it is.
the thing about maki is that she's had to be in control and all-seeing, constantly watching her own back since the moment she stumbled upon self-awareness. how do you think she responds to a gentle touch, the ghost of a kiss along the shell of her ear, a soft pressure at the fleshiest, most vulnerable part of her?
the thing about maki is that she melts in your arms, reluctant at first and then all at once, an avalanche helplessly collapsing in on itself in the wake of an unstoppable force of heat. years of self-imposed, fear-driven solitude are chipped away at, bit by bit, through tender loving and care. it's enough to make her vomit. it's more than enough to make her cum.
the thing about maki is that she's no less a capable, formidable, and devastating combatant -- even if, behind closed doors, she's driven to her knees by no more than a few heated, whispered words. but no one else has to know about this, of course.
because, the thing about maki is that she's private, quiet, guarded -- until she unfurls for you like a belatedly blooming flower in the last few breaths of may: desperately reaching towards the sky, begging to be fed, sustained, admired, uprooted for safekeeping by capable, practiced hands.
#i wasnt ignoring your ask aleks i just wanted to do it justice#thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about my murderwife#memorial box#princess-okkotsu#maki x reader#zenin maki x reader#zenin maki x y/n#zenin maki smut#zenin maki reader insert#jjk smut#jjk reader insert#my writing#mine#zenin maki
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It really sucks seeing so many Dean and Cas posts erasing their bisexuality this pride month. I even have a whole (longer, more thorough) post written about this that's been sitting in my drafts since June 1st because I know how vicious the fandom and queer community can be on the topic of bisexuality, like bisexuals are taking them from gays or straights when *literally* the opposite is happening. And i can't believe it's still so fucking scary to talk about, but here I go.
And I'm not even trying to fight about it or anything, please don't misunderstand my tone, I'm just tired and upset and desperately want to see change. This is *not* an attack, because I think a lot of people don't even know they're participating in casual biphobia/erasure bc it's just so commonplace. Please be nice, I just cannot argue about this in 2024, this is merely a plea and a vent, I'm not editing or anything, this is just my two bisexual cents.
Bi erasure hurts, I am not joking or exaggerating. Dean and Cas are both such important characters for bi visibility, and I'm seeing so many posts completely ignoring, or worse, misrepresenting their sexualities.
If you've only watched their character development through a monosexual lens, I promise you are missing out on a story that really highlights plenty of experiences *unique* to bisexuality, and forcing it to fit into any monosexual box (straight or gay) also highlights the bi erasure experience. We exist. We aren't "under the gay umbrella". No, it's not okay bc you think it's not that serious.
We deserve our representation too. Our stories/characters matter just as much as yours. They deserve as much protection as yours. And if you love them, maybe you can love us, without feeling the need to tear us in half to be worthy of that love.
Any bisexuals in the room, feel free to chime in in the comments/tags, I want to see you too! I am *dying* to hear from you! Please please please, let's talk about this, and Dean, and Cas, and us!
#bi visibility#bi erasure#dean is bi#cas is bi#i may make another post later this month with real life studies that support deans particular brand of bisexuality#because i want more people to recognize bisexuality when they see it and not just lump it in#we want you to see us! we want to be seen! we don't want to feel like we don't even have the right to ask for that!#this pride please consider your bisexual friends neighbors and emotional support characters#supernatural#queer spn#happy pride š#destiel#bi spn#>?[#to be clear i didn't bother getting i to specifics here#there is so much to be said about how bisexuality is handled in canon/fandom that i could not do it justice in a single post#but i hope we can have this conversation bc it really really needs to be had#really and truly i do#may the power of jackles flow through you and carry you towards love for bi cas and dean#no matter how long it takes i know we can get there
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#but i want to so fucking badly#i have two degrees in criminal justice and your concept of the police in the 90s is wrong#also like#there are people on the police force who live among you#just talk to them#ask any of them#they will all tell you that the job has only gotten harder and harder and harder as the years have gone on#i specifically did not go into law enforcement after the hiring freeze finally lifted#BECAUSE OF cops telling me 'don't do it it sucks now' LMAO#and this was long before BLM caused the entire criminal justice system to crack mentally beneath white fragility#i'll never forget my forensic science professor asking the class if anyone watched shows like law and order#and telling the people who raised their hands 'you're the problem with modern policework' LMAO#actually that man was an icon for several reasons#but that's its own post
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happy valentine's day najam!! š love u so much, you always make my days so bright, i hope you enjoy that same brightness today
HAPPY VALENTINES QUILL !!!!! hope you had a good day, i love you MWAH !!!!!! using this ask like last year as an excuse to post various nickmancing content i've accumulated over the years do not mind me (buttonkenzie sneaking in but still)
#once i get my trillion tasks out of the way. i will become insufferable on your ao3. prommy.#mostly old regency au from when i was rewatching bridgerton#quill tag#please also note their stupid 90s-retro justice and fortitude sweatshirts#i cannot for the life of me fucking find any other nick drawings i fucking know i have more but my folders are so disorganised i gave up#there's one of nick cowering behind kiran when rosy is coming up to him and theyre like#'he's using me a barrier. i didnt do this but im obligated to protect him bc i love him. please dont fire me'#bhattarai is also the last name im thinking of keeping for non-mb thoughts that steal nick + laila away from their original setting#'this is my nick wiseman fanart' -> two years later 'this is my oc nikhil bhattarai'#i do like the last name wiseman so much though i just want to distance whatever im doing with them with mb. its not truly mb anymore#like it is when i want it to be. I CONTAIN MULTITUDES!#but thank you for the ask again quill LOVE YOU!!!!!#nik wiseman#agent kiran
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this is a post scribbled angrily in glitter pen in my diary pls ignore <3
#this is so insecure and bullshit but like#sometimes writing fics is. no fun#bc you feel like you can't keep up with other writers just churning out fics and they're all so good and nuanced and better than yours#or bc you can't keep up with your own brain and all the ideas and you don't have the time to do them all justice#or bc you just can't get a spark of a conversation with other fans to catch fire the way you want to so you're just.#spinning wheels in your own head wishing you were better faster friendlier less alone#and let's not forget the fucking commodification of fandom#getting messages in your inbox only to find it's people harping for more content for a fandom on the back burner or a fic you've left behin#i love that you love my work like that but. it makes me feel like i'm at a family reunion and my aunt is asking me about the job i had#two jobs ago#and somehow you keep getting those messages even tho your current work is sparse on comments and reblogs#so you spend your slivers of free time writing something you hope is good for these characters you love only to feel like you're standing#alone in the street hawking a mediocre finished product and everyone is walking past you disinterested#it's fucking isolating. it's draining#you can only write āfor yourselfā so much before it's not worth the time and effort#obviously i will keep writing. but like. it's fucking frustrating. and i feel like a petulant child about it but i just can't shake it#anyway. here's wonderwall or whatever
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Ever heard of titfucking? Can you write Buck being obsessed with Eddie's tits?
What happened to helloā¦how are youā¦..
#opening Tumblr and immediately seeing#anonymous asked: ever heard of titfucking?#just about blew my head off fyi#absolute whiplash moment#to answer your question. I donāt think this is smth I would really wanna write tbh. I see the appeal I just wouldnāt do it justice#but if anyone else wants to take this as a prompt feel free !#and ty for thinking of me :)#asks#anonymous
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WyvernQuillās Dreamling Anastasia AU Masterpost
because this is becoming A Thing and I clearly need to organise it and pin this for convenience. Will be updated as I post new content!
(Iām adding a link here to my previous pinned post with an old list of my Good Omens works purely for nostalgia reasons.)
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Main parts (in chronological order within the narrative):
Dream imprisoned and being turned human pre-story
Hob and Gil interviewing candidates to play Dream, first glimpse ofĀ āMurphyā
Hob and Gilās first brief encounter withĀ āMurphyā at the White Horse
The meet-ācuteā (feat. Matthew and a bunch of other birds)
Hob andĀ āMurphyā fight,Ā āMurphyā and Gilbert have a heart-to-heart.
The Corinthian attacking Hob andĀ āMurphyā
āMurphyā being brought before the other Endless and revealed as Dream (plus short summary of the AUās overall premise at the start!)
Dream and Hob arguing and saying farewell on the staircase
Death reveals something important to Dream
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Bonus parts and ask responses:
TheĀ āBad Endingā (warning: strongly implied major character death!)
Ask response: little hints that give away whoĀ āMurphyā really is
Ask response: meanwhile, the other Endless
Beautiful art inspired by this AU by @malice-kingdom !
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All of these will be taggedĀ āanastasia dreamling auā, and if you would like me to tag you on new posts, please let me know and I will do so!
One day, this fic will also be put on Ao3 in all its glory, but presumably only when Iām finished with it, so for now itāll mostly remain confined to here on Tumblr. Feel free to send in asks about it, if youād like! (Though I may be slow to answer if I want to write a longer scene in response.)
#WyWrites#WyRambles#the sandman#dreamling#anastasia dreamling au#why yes i AM setting this up now because i just finished another big part of the fic#it's 3k words and a scene that has been highly requested in asks#so i very much wanted to do it justice#expect it later today!#malice i hope it's okay that i added a link to your art too#i can remove it if you'd prefer that
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