#I just want angst and ppl to suffer with me

[mentallyunstablethembo]

Ok but hear me out.

Give me a Shen Yuan that was sick in his original body, ye? Nothing too special, I know, but please stay with me on this one-

Make him transmigrate, like he does die, he does get transported into the other world, but it's not as SQQ/SJ.

He has his own original body, maybe he looks a bit more like a xianxia character to fit in, maybe he looks drop dead gorgeous, sure!

But he's still sick

His sickness is still with him, and it's getting worse

Like, SY is actively slowly but surely dying, while maybe he befriends TLJ, SXY and ZZL (if he transmigrates pre-canon) and the three are trying to help him.

Maybe he meets a child SJ and takes him with him, so the poor child watches the only person that cares for him, actively dying.

Maybe he somehow becomes a beloved friend, peak lord or anything that makes the Cang Qiong sect adore him, and therefore be willing to find any cure for him.

Heck, maybe he's a powerful yet sickly and fragile demon!

Maybe he's even apart of the northern realm with MBJ, idk!

But the one thing stays the same.

Sy is dying.

Maybe it's not noticeable at first, like you'd take one look at him and sure, maybe he a looks a bit more tired, a bit paler, maybe even a bit thinner than what's considered healthy. Maybe he let's out a caugh here and there, some completely normal things.

But then there are those small (sometimes rather big) fits where his illness acts up.

Ones where he curls up on the ground, gritting his teeth in exctruciating pain as he coughs out blood, maybe he faints, maybe he has any other symptoms.

And then it gets worse, his health escalates, maybe he can't walk anymore as he's slowly losing his motor functions, maybe he's getting much weaker, his breathing worse as he feels like he's suffocating. Heck, give him any curse marks and stuff too, while you're at it, maybe even without-a-cure!

Point being, SY is dying, and there is no cure.

His death is fated to happen, while he's just waiting and wasting away, he's not that upset either (maybe a little bit).

Give me an au where SY is the mentor, the parental figure of all the sect leaders and demons, give me an au where SY is such a sweet and kind hearted person, one who still loves beasts and demons and everyone, yet is also slowly but surely being poisoned by the very air he's breathing, his body shutting down and wasting away as he's waiting for death, while everyone weeps.

Everyone is trying find a cure, maybe make one too, yet it's all in vain.

SY dies, he no longer has to endure the suffering of his pains, his illnesses, and while he passes away, he leaves behind many mourning a precious and beautiful soul.

[afsosville]

I wonder how things would change if Shen Jiu had the ability to project his memories and emotions like The Giver, or Blue Diamond from Steven Universe by some artifact fuckery or if he was born with the power. Maybe a better way to describe it is Wei Wuxian's empathy.

If it's a one-time artifact mishap during a mission or smt, he's got everyone kneeling over, unable to move an inch because of how much physical pain they're in. And don't forget all the emotional pain they're hopelessly dealing with, too (the memories don't have to be included, just the emotional wreckage and physical pain is enough).

All the while, they expect their Shen Shixiong to roll over and scream in agony, coz obviously smn as spoiled as him who's never had any bit of hardship in his life would feel it the worst. Then, they're seeing him going on with the mission and fighting like he's not affected at all, and then it hits them-

Oh.

They're his emotions.

If it's an inate ability, then I imagine he's using it to make his life easier, even if it's just a bit.

Like just give QJL the pain of his beatings or whatnot. Every whip gets inflicted on to QJL until the whippings stop completely. This will probably make QJL make SJ suffer even more, but that also stops when he realizes SJ has the power to make QJL go thru the same shit and will do it with absolute glee. Maybe SJ manages to free himself earlier bc of this. But there's a possibility he'll still stay to wait for YQ. If he does, then he's constantly engaging in psychological warfare with QJL and winning. That would be interesting to write abt ejrgkdkf.

This ability will ofc makes things easier if QHT stays insistent that her family treated him well.

Or like when he's being confronted for the the first time for his brothel visits, he's making LQG feel what it's like to not feel safe in the place you're supposed to sleep. And he keeps doing this every night until LQG is almost never sleeping and the mountain anymore and understands.

During peak lord meetings, he's subtly giving everyone a bit of his paranoia/anxiety, so now he's got everyone agreeing with him, and are listening to him.

He's also torturing slavers and rich nobles with his memories as well bc of a sense of righteous retribution, or just for the fun of it.

This could make Shen Jiu development a Them vs. Me complex, he's already a pro at it as it is except he's differentiating himself from those rich nobles and the like and wants nothing to do with them. Ideally this will make him conscience of the way he's treating his disciples, bc he'd be manually giving his memories/trauma to his disciples, he's just doing it without the ability lol.

He hated being grouped with ppl who were like him in the book, so now I'm making him have that energy for nobles who push around their weight instead. And would despise ever acting that way.

For angst points>>

He's tries to soothe his disciples with the slightest scraps of the good memories he does have bc he has no idea what else to do, but doesn't work and he acidentally gives bad memories instead :/

[weirdsht]

What if Cale Henituse had someone special during his time as Kim Rok Soo? Although they were never officially a couple, it was clear to everyone that their relationship went beyond mere friendship. Slowly but surely, KRS grew more comfortable and at ease around this person until they were killed. Brutally (lmaaooo I'm sorryy HAHAHWHAHW). Later, they reunite in his life as Cale Henituse, but reader has changed significantly because, like KRS, they too have been transmigrated. Their life has been deeply affected and troubled by their own close relatives, unlike Cale, who, despite some hesitation from his family, at least had the comfort of a family that cares about his safety and well-being overall. (Dyk Roxanna from TWTPTFLOB? Basically her family. If you don't know, basically her family is torturous to have. I think normal ppl would die if they suddenly transmigrated as a part of Roxanna's family because they're the definition of insanity)

I'm sorry if this is too much, feel free to scroll past 🤧💌

Our Fragile Promise in Magnolia - Cale/Reader

notes: Yes the title is a bunch of Laufey song titles. Shameless plugin but my fics Close and Can I Really have similar concepts to this one

tags: female reader, novel spoilers (war), angst? not sure, very loud unspoken feelings

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are open and welcome

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_____ stares at a male figure’s back. She’s used to looking at it. At finding comfort in it. How can she not? His back always seems so big. So strong. As if it’s capable of shielding her from everything.

However, this time that back looks smaller than how she remembers it.

And _____ is the reason for that.

“_____ don’t you dare close your eyes, don’t you dare fall asleep on me”

“Wake up! Just why did I get cursed with such an airhead child…”

The woman in front of the girl daydreaming speaks exasperatedly, bringing her back to reality.

It reminds _____ of who she currently is. How she’s not on earth fighting monsters anymore. How she has been granted another life.

Another life, another suffering.

“Follow me, the meeting is starting.”

The woman, _____’s mother, looked behind her to see if her daughter was still following.

“If you utter one word that causes our family disgrace you know what will happen to you. Won’t you, my dear?”

_____, who’s currently 20 years old in this life, is both used to and tired of the sickeningly sweet smile on her mother’s face.

“Yes, mother.”

She internally laughs but says nothing outwardly. Just how scared is her mother from the announcement of war that she dared talk to her like that? 

It reminded her of when she was a child.

A time before she rose to power within that useless family of hers.

“Your name is _____?”

“Why? Do you have any problem with it?”

“No, it suits you.”

The woman was taken aback by the nonchalant compliment. The man in front of her has said it as if it didn’t mean much. No, for him it probably really didn’t mean anything. 

But it meant the world to _____.

It was the first time she had received a compliment. And for something as insignificant as the name she gave herself.

‘Thanks, I gave it to myself since no one was willing to name me’

Were the words she held back from saying, not wanting to ruin the moment.

_____ never would have thought that she would become best friends with that very same man.

Clang!

The young woman watched as the silver plaque hit the table. The noise it made snapped the young woman out of her daydream.

She looked at the silver plaque and saw the crest of the royal family on it.

It’s easy to understand what it means.

Cale Henituse, the one famous as the young master silver shield, is now officially the Roan Kingdom’s Northeast Commander.

Not that _____ had any issues with it. She has heard about the famous young master. He may be young but he has the qualifications. Plus who is she to question the crown’s decisions?

If the crown has decided that Cale as commander is what the kingdom needs to defend itself against the Indomitable Alliance then so must be it.

However, not once has _____ looked at the famous redhead. Hence why when he started speaking again the young noble took it as a chance to take a good look.

The first thing that caught her attention was his long red hair. It was the same shade as blood. As if he was a vampire that drank so much blood it turned his hair into one.

But it wasn’t a gruesome sight. Quite the opposite actually. _____ finds his hair to be very pretty. It reminds her of a beautiful flame that’s forever ignited. Always strong and never extinguishing despite the strong winds that come its way.

“Kim Rok Soo..?”

As soon as _____ saw the commander’s eyes her world stopped. She knows those eyes very well. Has stared at them countless times for her to not know.

It couldn’t be.

Maybe they just have the same eye colour.

Kim Rok Soo’s reddish brown eyes might be rare back in her old world but nothing is impossible in this new one.

So it can’t be.

However, she can’t deny it.

She can’t deny that the way he lands his gaze is the same as him. The sorrow that is buried deep within those copper-like eyes is the same.

The way he stared at her knowingly was the same.

But she still tries.

She tries her best to deny it.

To deny him.

Because it can’t be. That can’t be him. That can’t be her best friend slash love of her life.

It’s just not possible.

And if it was then she must avoid him as much as possible. 

For she has changed. And she is well aware of the fact that she has changed. She may have the same face and the same name, but she has become all too different.

She doesn’t want her love to see the new version of her.

 Two people sat on the ground. Their back leaning against the sofa behind them. It’s a rare day when the two of them have a day off so they have decided to spend it by reading novels together.

“If you try to say another spoiler I’m going to seal your mouth shut.”

“But you have to listen to this!”

The woman tries to argue while tapping on a page of the book she’s currently reading.

“I’ll find out about it when I read it.”

“But I want to talk about it now!”

Kim Rok Soo shook his head at her. As if he couldn’t believe this was the same fierce person fighting monsters on the battlefield.

“Then wait.”

_____ internally smiled at the memory. She feels that familiar warmth in her chest she hadn’t felt for so long. As she did, she thought that it was a good idea to avoid Cale Henituse. She’s not sure if they’re the same person. And if they were she doesn’t know if he remembers her.

But it’s better to be on the safe side.

After all, it’d be embarrassing to see such a lively person turn into a shell of what they used to be.

“Just how long do I have to put up with this?”

_____ mumbled to herself as she picked at her food.

“Did you say something dear?”

“Nothing mother.”

She reciprocated her mother’s smile. After years of socializing with this family, she has learned to smile and bear it all. Things will become more complicated if she tries to refute.

“Where’s the antidote? Mix it in my usual juice.”

_____ orders her maid after lunch. The maid bowed and followed her orders like clockwork.

After all, this wasn’t the first time the young lady had been poisoned by her own family.

They see her as both a threat and an asset.

They try to bring her down, make themself look superior. But at the same time, they know that they need her.

It’s comedic. Really.

“My lady a letter has arrived.”

_____’s trusted maid hands her a tray that contains a glass of juice and a letter.

“That seal… It looks like it’s from the Henituse family.”

The young lady waved her hand away and the maid went out of the room.

Badump. Badump.

Her heart beats wildly in her chest and it’s not just because of the poison she consumed.

It’s not uncommon to receive letters from the guardians of the Dark Forest. They are business partners after all.

However _____ couldn’t help but feel nervous after the recent events.

Quickly drinking her juice that contains the antidote in one go, the transmigrator pulls the courage to open the letter.

“You have a very peculiar way of writing. I think I’d be able to recognize it anywhere.”

_____ hovered over Kim Rok Soo as he wrote something on a piece of paper.

“I would say you’re exaggerating but knowing you two, I wouldn’t put it past you.”

Choi Jung Soo spoke up from the couch while eating some sort of junk food.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Rok Soo retaliates. His hands let go of the pencil in order to focus on his sworn brother.

“Nothing, nothing. I’m just saying. But hey, is that any way to speak to your hyung?”

“Again why are you the hyung? We were born on the same day”

“I was born first!”

True to what _____ said, she immediately recognized the handwriting on the letter. Its contents were concise, exactly how he likes to do things. 

“He did his homework.”

The letter just said that the commander wanted to have a private meeting with _____ in order to talk about the upcoming war. The young noble instantly understands that he must want to talk about her territory’s military force.

She may not have an official title. She isn’t even declared as an official heir. Yet insiders, those who have a wide information network, will know that _____ is the one in control of her territory. 

_____ doesn’t want to respond. But she has to. He wasn’t speaking as Cale Henituse or Kim Rok Soo. 

He was speaking as Roan Kingdom’s Northeast Commander.

He was standing on business.

For he probably knows that’s the only way _____ wouldn’t avoid him.

Kim Rok Soo holds on the bleeding body in his arms. 

Bleeding is an understatement.

The left side of her torso is gone. Eaten by the monster they are fighting.

“H ey, do you re member… remember our pro mise?”

A weak voice asks him. Kim Rok Soo nodded his head, too choked up to speak.

He does. Of course, he does. How can he forget?

He’ll record everything she says, no matter how trivial they are.

“Great… Th en  I guess– I guess I can rest in pe ace.”

Kim Rok Soo doesn’t want that. He doesn’t need that.

“Don’t close your eyes. Please hold on. For me, for us. Please _____”

He begs. It’s so uncharacteristically of him to beg, but if it does the trick then he’ll do it a million times over.

_____ weakly chuckled. She may be weak and dying but there’s still fire in her eyes. A fire that will never be extinguished even in the face of death.

… or so Cale thought.

The fire that he thought would never die down is barely there in her eyes.

But it was still there.

It may be small. Struggling. But it’s there.

Alive and fighting to be as bright as it was before.

“_____…”

“Our business is now done, Commander Cale Henituse. If you have further business in the future please feel free to send me a letter like before.”

“_____.“

The young lady’s voice was firm, but Cale’s voice was firmer. He has no plans of letting her run away again.

He wouldn’t be able to let her slip from his embrace once more.

“Isn’t that concept sweet though?”

The two best friends are talking. They just finished a novel and are now discussing its contents with each other.

“You’re just a romantic.”

“But think about it. Promising to find each other even in another universe. Being together in every dimension…”

_____ stopped talking, lost in thought as she reminisced about the novel. Kim Rok Soo took it as a chance to stare at her face.

He has seen many people. Has read many descriptions of beautiful people in books.

But in his opinion, nothing beats _____’s looks.

Kim Rok Soo might be biased. His willing to admit that much. But his opinion won’t change.

“Hey Rok Soo?”

“What do you want?”

He grumbled as he suddenly came face to face with his “best friend”. Her face was full of excitement as she thought of a new idea.

“Let’s promise each other that in our next life, we’ll find each other again. Then let’s spill all of our secrets when we do. Not leaving anything out.”

Her idea sounds childish. Would they even remember anything in their next life? Would they even have a next life? If they did would they recognize each other?

Those were the thoughts that raced through Kim Rok Soo.

However, he doesn’t say it.

Because it was a silent confession. The best one they can give each other in this ruined world.

A promise to spill all their secrets huh?

It doesn’t need saying. Those secrets were probably talking about their feelings.

“Sure, I promise. We’ll meet again in our next life and tell each other everything.”

“_____”

Cale called out for the third time. _____ has changed and Cale has an inkling as to what brought that change.

Nothing he can’t handle.

His planning to overthrow an empire. Dealing with a noble family is nothing.

He’ll make things right.

Set things straight.

“I never break my promises. You know that _____.”

Cale– no Kim Rok Soo will make sure to fulfil his promise.

[nyxi-pixie]

Hiiiii.

Sorry to bother you, I wanted to know if you had any fic recs? Your writing is so good and your tastes are immaculate, and I am starving for any kind of good content. Please?

its not possible to bother me love dw <3

NOW. i dont actually read all that much anymore bc i am horrendously picky but this does give me an excuse to hype up the few authors that have satisfied my unreasonably specific tastes 🤩.

so. a few bsd recs for you (except theyre 99% skk because im horribly predictable forever). everyone go read all of these and tell the authors how wonderful they are in the comments please <3

anything @booksandpaperss has ever written is genius work and everyone should read it. could talk abt all of their stuff for hours (and i have🤩 they put up w so much of me bothering them godbless). also our brains do some accidental crazy mind melding shit whenever either of us write fic so if you like any of my stuff you will like theirs. thats the rules. <3

like twin stars in the dark (we collide)- dead apple skk porn as a vehicle for 22skk analysis. makes me salivate i have read it so many times. they get 22skk better than anyone🙏

my lies are for you to keep (my love for you to lose) - the only take on beastskk that matters to me ever. you can actually see me losing my mind in the comment i wrote on this fic bc of how fucking insane every single line made me. theres SO much packed into this thing its fucking crazy i NEEEEED everyone to read it. thats all <3

till death, I'll give you my breath - dazai death timeloop. this fic terrifies me so much i await every update with my teeth chattering and my heart pulsing so rapidly i should be hospitalised. the first scene of chapter 2 genuinely had me on the verge of tears im unwell about it.

(elli also has some jjk stuff thats REALLYREALLY good and if ur into jjk u should check that out too.)

NOW. aside from being a propaganda machine for my fav writer ever. Heres some other stuff i love.

the second perspective by @wildflowerteas. murder mystery/detective noir stuff w some time fuckery. the au of all time. mashes aspects of beast, canon, and some extra special niko sauce into a mixing bowl and goes crazy w it. just Such a genuinely impressive piece of writing. i could talk abt the technical brilliance of it for hours but i will stop myself. you gotta commit to this thing because it WILL make u crazy. also i loveee the sskk. its like if we had the beast first meeting sskk forever. SOSO GOOD!!!!

did fate guide the gun or did you? by @kanetheo. i read this pretty soon after chapter 109 and it genuinely fried my brain for months. the writing style is beautiful (as for everything they write AUGHH!!!) and the angst is delectable. the way it intersperses more fun silly skk moments with just. complete misery. GOD. it just hits. ive reread it quite a few times and it never fails to make me go crazy. srsly cannot rec this enough.

the decomposition of dazai osamu by @hella1975 this shot several bullets through my brain and i still havent recovered. i keep thinking 'oh i should reread that' and then i dont bc some part of my brain still concerns itself w maintaining whats left of my sanity. BUT its crazy good and everyone should read it and suffer at least once. EVERYONE LOVES YOU OSAMU!!!! EVERYONE EATS YOU!!! line of all time lets all kill ourselves.

smoke held conversations by feralrookie - i havent reread this in a while but it does cool stuff with nlh and the skkisms are really good in this too. ppl often write teen chuuya as less intelligent than he actually is. hes very observant, esp of dazai, and this fic gave me that 🙏

i called your name til the fever broke by forest_raccoon - vampire chuuya. biting is involved. i blacked out reading it. enough said.

[gvtted-ratz]

read all our tags/ratings. they r important n give u all u need 2 decide if u wanna actually read or not. do not like the tags/rating? do not read.

FEM ALIGNING/IDENTIFYING PPL (unless mutuals/friends) DNI WITH OUR MLM WORKS. fem ppl can still request tho. respect our wishes or get blocked. yes we do read/check everything. we tag appropriately/use tags that go with our posts.

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want 2 see all the fics? find em: here!

Mission Failed

Simon “Ghost” Riley x M!Reader x John “Soap” MacTavish

Last Edited: 17/03/2023

TW: slight angst, foul language, violence, blood, gore, gunshot wound, death mention

@denzellovehazelnuts: Hi! hope you have a good day! Can you do a poly "Ghost x male reader x Soap" (if you comfortable writing poly relationship) with slow burn, angst and fluff at the end? Where Ghost and Soap already in a relationship until the reader came into their team The two male thought the reader wasn't talkative around people but few weeks later, things change at first Ghost seems interesting in the male skill using gun and how fast he can run and Soap like the male sense of humour. Both of them thought it only a friendship type of things. Until the male save Ghost from the enemy on the battlefield and him laughing at Soap jokes. That when the two males known what happen to them, they weren't sure if M/n would comfortable in a relationship with them, so they start doing small things for him like making coffee or helping training,.. And M/n notice it, he even started to fall for the both of them. But he keep denying the things they did for him because he thought that what friend do. and M/n don't think he is ready for a new relationship, he wasn't sure he is good enough for them (the male got trauma from the previous relationships) (more angst please, I would like to suffer for a little bit) (・∀・) After a while, the three of them got into a mission together, everything went good until the male got shot. He thought he going to be de@d soon (only to find out that he only got shot at his leg) so M/n confessed how he feel about the two of them. (andddd I don't know what to do with the ending cause I'm ran out of idea. I would want to see how the treated each other when got into a relationship. Sorry about the grammar, English isn't my first language)

Word Count: 2,654

AO3 LINK -> HERE

Notes: hiiii! i dont do heavy angst but i did do some u know? slow burn it is!!! srry it took so long! irl things hold me back a lot. N since u wanted slow burn, n with all that uve put (about 350 words of things i can work on/with 2 get this drawn out as a full-on fic!! yay!) i had 2 like. try n put all u wanted in there so yea! hope u enjoy!! also! i threw in some other characters like gaz n roach. hope u dont mind em being in here since this is like, a mash of cod n codmw2 (canon? what cancon?) cause i rlly do wanna put some other characters in here that i find interesting n build some sort of character/personality 4 the reader. reader deserves some cool friends-2-brothers!

At first, you hadn’t wanted to join Task Force 141. You were comfortable with your position as the quiet, but light on your feet, knife specialist. Well, that wasn’t truly your title. You were just good with knives. You weren’t too shotty with a gun either. Either weapon being in your hands meant blood was going to be shed. KorTac needed those types, especially those who could use it to get in as well as out; you also couldn’t forget about using your skills to get information. Torturing the prisoners wasn’t something you particularly liked, but you were good at it too. Combining your skills with knives and guns, it truly was hell for anyone on the opposite side of your team. You also couldn’t forget that, out of the others, you were much faster. Sure, some could still beat you at times but that didn’t mean you weren’t good. Bets had been constantly taking place with you, along with others as it was one of the few things any of you could do to pass the time in a less-than-bloody manner.

The transfer from KorTac to Task Force 141 wasn’t smooth. Horangi, or Kim Hong-jin, didn’t let you go for weeks. You were part of his team, one of his men. The leader of KorTac is what most of you saw him as. He knew many of you like the back of his hand. Not to mention, a tiger can be cruel but would never devour its cubs for no reason, well, as some say. As far as you knew, because you were all together, you were a team and therefore family. While there were others who didn’t get along, out in the field, all of you had each other’s back. Very rarely did anyone get left to perish to the enemy.

With all that in mind, it took weeks for him to let you go. More or less, Laswell was the one to convince him; that is if you call bringing each plus every person in KorTac to ruins as “convincing”. She wanted you on a team she could keep tabs on you; doubting her power and skills was out of the question. Which meant leaving KorTac to ensure that everyone else was free from possible imprisonment or death was necessary.

Fitting in wasn’t too hard considering most of the people there were from all over the place. While it’s odd for a member from another team to suddenly appear on another, it didn’t bother most of the others. Just from a glance, you could tell who was into who; as well as who exactly was in a relationship. A man by the name of Ghost including another called Soap, you knew were together. Soap flirted with almost everyone, though it was more teasing and lighthearted. With Ghost though? The flirting went up by twenty percent. His dial for teasing went up tenfold too. Meanwhile, Ghost hardly looked at anyone else, nevertheless, stare at them unless they were the Scottish man. Frankly, you didn’t mind. Who were you to judge the two? Especially when they were good at what they did.

It takes weeks before you’re comfortable enough to so much as talk to anyone 141. Gaz, or Kyle as Soap tended to call him when annoyed, is the first to so much as approach you. While the others are interested, you coming from KorTac had put them off for a bit. Gaz on the other hand treats you like a brother. He’ll throw his arm around your shoulder, dragging you around as he laughs about the past or even at your jokes. At meals, he always throws a raised eyebrow at those who look at you oddly when you’re quiet or sitting with the man. He treats you like you’re part of the team, furthermore, that truly means more than anything to you.

The man is just as bloodthirsty as you are. His stories of falling out of planes along with taking out enemies only lead to you looking up to your new teammate and brother. His tales of meeting Captain Price, past missions, a few tidbits of him being with the SAS, together with some metals he’s earned, only makes you want to pry more stories from the man; not like you don’t have to try. Simply asking about his stories leads to at least an hour-long spill of them from the guy.

And with his stories comes a few of your own. You don’t share much of them, knowing Gaz spreads them to the rest of the team with more dramatics to try to get you to interact with the others. Something you do learn about him that you always keep in mind from his stories is that his blood type is B Negative and shooting any dog, wild or not, makes him feel a bit guilty; he had to shoot one a while ago and apologised to the poor mutt after having to put it down to finish his mission.

With all that he’s shared and how the both of you see each other as brothers, it’s only fair that you let yourself talk to the others in the team. Though your words are short, along with your jokes being told quickly to distract yourself from the stressful situations, you allow yourself to slowly relax with the others. Gaz’s constant support helps you finally allow yourself to bond with your new team and family. It’s only after a mission that things change. 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

“Take the left! Keep your heads down and keep movin’!” Captain Price’s voice rings out in your earpiece. Everything has gone to shit. The intel you’ve been getting was entirely a trap. You’re running through an underground tunnel, Ghost and another man named Roach is running in front of you.

Roach is a quiet man, never talking or letting out a sound, but semi-friendly. From his actions and what you’ve been told of him, he does his best to complete the missions to the tea. The few interactions you’ve had with him were silent but nice. Whether or not he’s mute has crossed your mind time and mind again but you don’t ask; you’d rather leave the man be. After all, he has become something like a friend maybe even another brother.

“Copy. We’re nearly out. Roach and [Redacted] are with me,” Ghost responds, quickening his pace. The rifle smacks against your back as you speed up to keep up with the other two men. Despite the situation, the three of you remain as calm as you can be.

“You’re bein’ tracked like a rabbit is by a hound, Ghost! Move it!” The captain’s orders are clear and the worry is read between the lines. If you three don’t get out, it’s a huge blow to 141. Not only that, but Soap loses his boyfriend, Gaz loses two of his best friends as well as brothers, you three lose your lives, and Task Force 141 loses three of its members. Dying isn’t an option here.

“We have company,” Your words are muffled by your gear but the two soldiers in front of you hear them in their own pieces.

“Fuckin’ hell-” Ghost’s sentence gets cut off by gunfire from behind. Turning around, you fire the Lachmann Sub in your possession.

“We gotta go! They’re gaining!” You clip one of the enemies in the shoulder and another is hit in the stomach. Picking up the speed, the three of you try to beat them out of the tunnel. You cover the back, hoping the two get out before you. If you get surrounded, it’s over.

Thankfully, they haven’t reached the other end of the tunnel as the three of your burst out of the exit. You grab a grenade, pull the pin and throw it in the tunnel. As soon as it leaves your hands, you’re running faster to get to Roach and Ghost before anything else can; one arm wraps around each of your teammates’ necks, dragging them down to the ground as the little metal bomb goes off. Debris flies everywhere, looking for an area to land after being shot out of its place.

With the tunnel exist now collapsed along with no more flying rock and metal, you release the men. “How copy?” Crackles through each of your earpieces. You knock your forearm into Roach’s upper arm, eyes crinkling from your smile. He gives you a grateful nod, standing. You smack Ghost’s arm as he stands, glad to have escaped the enemies for now.

“Tunnel’s collapsed. We’re good. Ready for extraction, Sir,” Blunt and straight to the point are the skull-masked man’s words.

“Good. Heli’s close by. Move to the edge of the town.” With the three of you alive, you can practically feel Captain Price’s relief.

“Copy that, Captain,” Your muffled response comes before Ghost can send in his own. He scans you from the corner of his eye but doesn’t give you a retort. You do, however, hear a small huff of air leave him. You throw your arm around Roach’s neck again, puffs of air leaving you from happiness, meanwhile, his arm comes around your back. Seems the three of you live another day.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

After that mission, Ghost tends to lurk around you more than he originally had. It didn’t help that Soap tends to tag along as well. Thankfully, he finds your jokes hilarious if the loud, boisterous laughter he lets out all the time tells you anything. His teasing ends up piling onto you as well. Before, it was light as well as spread out. Now, it’s almost like he’s talking to Ghost with all the teasing and flirting he now does with you. His boyfriend hardly seems concerned but rather encourages his behaviour. Of course, that doesn’t mean he goes easy on you when the two of your spar together. He’s dead serious when it comes to sparring; it’s only a reminder that while he does good off, he’s just as dangerous as the rest of them.

The two men seem to be fixated on wanting to help you out in training as well. More pointers plus tips are thrown your way when you practice with either of them. Sometimes, they’ll even make you coffee for those sleepless nights. Mentioning such things to Gaz and Roach only leads to your sworn brothers giving you knowing looks or a few teasing words; Gaz is the one with the teasing remarks while Roach pats your shoulder in a mocking but teasing ��you poor man” way. Neither seems keen on wanting to spill the tea on why the Scottish and British men have been more affectionate.

While you enjoy their kind gestures, including their company, you’re not sure if you’re ready to admit to yourself, or them, about such feelings or relationships. On the surface, you truly do want to ask them if this is some sort of flirting schtick they have going on. Deep down though, the idea of being with anyone again makes your stomach fill with the lead. How could you enter another relationship? After the last one ended with your soon-to-be fiance’s brains splattered all over a brick wall. How can you move past that? How can you allow yourself to find someone like them? Or even better than them? The answer to that is a sigh alongside a bitter smile. The ring hiding under your tactical gloves seems to burn your skin. Truly, how can you let your first love go? After all, if you weren’t good enough to keep them alive, how can you keep these two from meeting the same gorey end?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

“To think I’d find myself here… How fuckin’ funny,” You mumble. Another mission, this one just like all the others. Well, it would have been if you hadn’t been shot. The blood leaking from your leg alongside a knife wound to your side leave you in pain. Feeling weak isn’t something uncommon but neither is it constantly happening. Words are being spoken to you through your headset. You were to be the lookout but ended up being the enemy's first target.

“How copy?” Rings in your ears. Your eyes stare blankly in front of you. You feel pathetic. Too tired to talk. Too tired to get up. You just sit, popped up against a tree in the heavily wooded area. You’ve failed, failed, failed.

“C’mon, Mate, how do ya copy?” Soap’s voice is worried and winded. He and Ghost are the people you’ve been teamed up with and you’ve failed.

“[Redacted], how copy?” The next tone is Ghost’s. It sounds slightly strained.

“Mission Failed,” You croak, head tilted back and against the tree.

“Status report, Mate. Where are ya?” He’s rushing, possibly panicked now.

“Got two wounds. Gunshot to the thigh. Knife to the side. Bleeding pretty bad, Soap.” You close your eyes, sighing.

“State your location.” The Brit seems to be just as worried as his Scottish counterpart.

“Dunno. Woods. Against a tree… There’s a lot of blood. Feelin’ woozy.” When you open your eyes, your sight is blurred. You’re losing too much blood.

“Keep talkin’ to us then, yeah? You’ll make it out. We’ll get out together,” The Scot’s words, though hopeful, only make you scoff quietly.

“You know… If I get outta here… Think we can go out sometime? Bourbon and whiskey? The three of us?”

“When we get out, [Redacted]. There’s no if here,” The masked man makes it sound final like there’s no way you’ll die on them.

“Yeah… Yeah..” You don’t say anymore, everything slowly hazing away. It’s like your floating in winter with how cold you feel.

“[Redacted]? Don’t sleep! C’mon! Keep ya eyes open!” Soap’s words fade away along with everything else. All that waits is cold darkness.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

“So… Think you can handle our drinking date after this?” Soap perches on the side table, messing with a lighter he took from Ghost.

“After he’s healed, Johnny. No alcohol before,” A semi-scolding is all the man gets from the brooding Ghost. You laugh slightly, jostling your wounds. You wince but wave off the concerned looks you get.

“After I’m no longer full of holes, Johnny-boy.” You take a sip of water afterwards, making Soap frown playfully.

“And to think I was gonna bring out the good shit fer ya. A shame. A damn shame.” You gently shake your head. It was a close call but Ghost got to you before you completely bled out. From what you’ve been told by Gaz, who yelled at you for an hour after you woke up from your four-day sleep, Ghost and Soap dragged you back to the helicopter. Both refused to leave your side. Captain Price ended up having to yell at the men and bribe them with a bit of alcohol to get them to even go to their own rooms. You made sure to apologize to Gaz, hugging him tightly after his blow-up. He thought he was going to lose a friend and family member so you couldn’t blame him.

Roach gave you the cold should for a while before appearing in your room with a cup of coffee. He made sure to smack the back of your head for your stupidity as well, though it was hardly rough. You grabbed the man before he could so much as bolt though when he saw you getting up to hug him. He hadn’t pushed you away though. And the captain? It felt like you were a kid again with how he pinned you with his stare. He made sure to tell you exactly how he felt, going from angry, to disappointed, to angry again. Another guy you couldn’t blame anything on. But you get to live another day at least. And you get to have that date with the two guys who were able to grab ahold of your heart after a long-time of heartache and loss.

[ochitea]

i love your ocs, i think my fav is lucia :) what is some of your fav parts about each of your ocs?🤔 i know its a lot to ask, but im curious for most of the primary folder.. 😅

o wow that is a very tall order bc there are 18 profiles in that folder (20 ocs in total bc prudence got multiple ocs), n half of em are hidden unless u got a toyhouse account. a lot of em dont even have up-to-date info T0TTT

but i did all of em in order so have fun reading all of this shit

lucy - this one is hard,, the fact that he's so unapologetically self-indulgent? a certified bastard n slut? w/ so much hidden angst bc of his past selves?? he's just so flexible. also tits.

alura - the fact that shes the polar opposite of lucy. she's just so endearing to me bc she has so much of myself, much like lucy. u go girl give us ur lack of confidence

hana - she just carries a lot of my anger n inner self, so she means a lot to me in that regard. also her story parallels farris's story n i find that interesting. havent gotten the chance to rlly explore it tho

lucia - she wants love but she doesnt know how to love- n she got another chance in life when she finds it hard to keep living. makes me feel for her T0T

scarlet rose - its fun to think abt her being so stupidly chaotic bc she's just too op. also i like to make her death be so mysterious heheh

farris - he's also stupidly op, tho its bc he is god's fav mortal. its honestly impressive how much shit he managed to pull off. hes also just fun to think abt along w/ the other angels bc he's such a lil shit

elemiah - tbh i like how sick n twisted his love for lord death is. it makes me sick in my stomach every time i think abt it (esp that one comic ugh)

weatta - smth abt her is weirdly adorable for some reason. is it her design? or is it bc she's such a sad n pathetic wet cat? she's also fun to think abt bc of how crazy n stupid she can be. fucker doesnt know what chill is

ina - she's just so tragic,,, she didnt even get to live her life, dying so young n all. makes my heart ache.

snow - tbh idk what to do w/ her so she got nothing, but she's literally my first oc. its hard not to be attached to her

ember - hana's bully who becomes her one n only true friend. i need to develop her man she doesnt even have a finished design T0TTT

sylvain - i like how surprisingly chaotic he can be, despite his cute outer demeanor. but he also tries his best to help others, even to those who may not be so friendly ahemaureliusahem

aurelius - both his parents died n he doesnt even know that- n he grew up to be a weapon but hes doing his best to live n learn to be human n auuughhhhhh T0TTT

yuki - hot vampire demon lady. red flags galore. also tits.

iris - i just rlly like her wholesomeness, esp in contrast w/ her aspiring to be a pole-dancer (usually seen as a provocative activity) n being attached to the biggest fuckign slut. plus her backstory n the fact that she's now living a better life? tis heartwarming -w- also trans

poor guy - he's just so nice to everyone despite his bad luck n looking like the big scary goatman. also heh its funny to think that he gets involved in so much angel/deity shit despite being a regular ass guy (bc aint no way u can avoid alura's shit when u got a huge crush on her)

ellipsis - tbh im still developing her uhhhhhhhhh i like how she's the most normal one in her group lol shes doing her best

nighty - he lost his whole ass family man. just bc ppl thought they were demons. n yet he's just so goofy despite it all. also being a werebeast gives him cool powers. if i just think abt him for once, he might be interesting to explore.

damien - his contrast of being so nice n silly, but is also the most distrustful one in the trio.

chiara - just the thought of her being so conflicted w/ herself. her regrets constantly eating away at her bc she could've saved her partners!! n yet ppl see her as this strong, dependable, n confident woman. sry chiara ur story doesnt get much better i wanna see u suffer

[grievedeeply]

the less time the better. pt 8.

PREVIOUS | NEXT — SERIES TAGLIST

pairing: heimdall x gn!reader

summary: days have passed since the kiss you shared with heimdall, and while you try to figure out what it means for your relationship— the group prepares for war.. and suffers a massive loss.

notes: this chapter is just straight angst. sorry in advance but it was a necessary evil.... ignore any plot holes please..... and also please let me know if you want to be tagged in this series! my taglist is really old and im sure ppl have lost interest, so let me know if you want to be removed as well.

you awoke from your sleep with a jolt. you had never gotten used to the rough feeling of wood pressed against your skin as you slept. even if it was the same material you usually slept on while you were home in midgard, your circumstances were different. back then, you didn't have to worry about a war with one of the most powerful gods in the realms. you only had to worry about what to make for dinner. now, you had much more to think about. including your strange relationship with the god of foresight, heimdall.

a part of you still regretted taking his wrist in your hand that day. it still wasn't that long ago, but you wondered how different things would be now if you hadn't.

the atmosphere was tense in the house. you swore there had been maybe 20 words spoken between everyone. people looked over their shoulder, wary of heimdall's every move. in a way, you couldn't blame them. after all, he was odin's son. the son of the man who had ruined their entire lives, and he had yet to state his side. but he wasn't fighting, either. ever since he had arrived.. you noticed that. he never fought the idea of being used as leverage. after your conversation. you supposed you understood why.

ratatoskr had since found out of heimdall's presence on his tree, and he was less than happy about it. but still, he had remained polite despite his grievances. you did notice how he seemed to be around less, though. you couldn't help but to assume that was due to heimdall.

freyr hadn't gotten any used to him being around, and you didn't think he ever would. he was quieter— less himself. you hated seeing him that way.. but the vote you had made days prior was a fair one. you thought he had trouble seeing him as anything but a member of the family who burned him. he couldn't even see him as leverage.

your father jumped into gear the morning after. he was completely prepared to do whatever was necessary to protect atreus.. and yourself, by extension. you knew little of his time in his homeland. it was something he didn't speak of much, but you did know he killed gods there. he seemed ready to have to do it again, but not at all eager about it.

"none of us are safe, even here." tyr murmured from where he sat at the end of of the table. it was far too small for him, and his knees hit at the wood on the edges, but it was almost a funny sight. "so we have no choice." freya responded simply. "we find surtr, sound gjallarhorn, and bring odin to justice. now."

you glanced uncomfortably over your shoulder at heimdall, who stared blankly at the group from where he stood, leaning against the wall. you watched as his hand fell to the horn on his hip.

"you'd incinerate every soul in asgard and call it self defense?"

"does he ever suggest plans or just crap on everyone elses?" freyr murmured, leaning back against the table in the kitchen.

"the obvious plan is staring you in the face," tyr ignored him, "we don't need odin to use this. we can slip into asgard and do it ourselves, right under his nose. we gain the knowledge we need to shatter his prophecy of war once and for all."

"except— begging your pardon— you don't have a way into asgard." sindri replied.

"they got the big horn, don't they?" brok called out from their working space.

"oh, so you expect them to sneak into asgard blowing a horn that sounds across all the realms?"

"i expect you to bite my blue buttcheek!"

"please. just.. think about it." tyr said.

you watched as atreus sat the mask down on the table. you had let him look at it. he had read the runes, inspected the design.. but nothing seemed to make sense outside of that crack you had told him about that odin had in his basement. your father sat mimir down next to it.

"this mask," he started, picking it up. "the easy answers that it promises. i know this.. shortcuts always have a price."

he turned his focus to you, brows knitted together. this expression that he wore wasn't one you saw often. he was worried. "you have carried it. what do you think?" he asked.

you let out a breath. "i don't know. at best.. it's a chance." you said with a shrug of your shoulders. you didn't know what it was or what it entailed, but you knew it was important to odin. "if nothing else, it's leverage. we have something he wants. if it really gives us all the answers, maybe no one has to die."

"grand. now all we need's a way to asgard." mimir replied simply.

you watched as your father's gaze shifted to tyr, and hesitantly, so did yours. "i know i've been a burden to you all," he started, readjusting himself in the seat, "i know you've questioned why you even pulled me out of that hole. i have too."

he stood, walking around the table. something changed in his stride. you wondered where his sudden boost of confidence seemed to come from. but maybe this was what you needed. "i have too. but it's clear now. this is what i'm needed for. this is my purpose. one last time. i will pick up my spear and.. i will lead us to asgard."

"'scuse me, but if you got a way to asgard, where's that idea been this whole fuckin' while?" brok asked.

"that's.. rather a fair question, brother."

"you.. withheld asgard?" your father asked, pushing himself to his feet. something in his eyes shifted. anger. you recognized that look all too well.

"you would've gotten us all killed. and we needed to give the champion time to find their destiny. here it is." tyr picked up the mask off the table, and you shrunk into yourself. you hated being called the champion. it didn't feel like you, really.

"it's all led to this."

"if we can get inside, i'm going after odin." freya said.

"i will not stop you. we can do both."

"spot on, brother. if the mask doesn't give us an out, we'll still have the drop on him."

"works for me." freyr spoke through his food.

"let's do it, then."

"and quickly, before he sees us coming."

"he does hate surprises."

you looked back over at heimdall, who had silently gotten much closer to you while you were involved in the conversation. he stood a foot or so behind you, brows knitted together. "heimdall," you started, cutting off anyone else from speaking before they even could. "is there.. another way into asgard?"

he looked over at you, then back at tyr. his eyes were filled with something else, something you couldn't exactly pinpoint.

"no." he replied after a pause, staring at the taller god. the rest of the group only stared at him.

"i still wanna hear the details on this, uh, new way to asgard you got. spill it!" brok said after a moment. if anyone knew another way to asgard out of everyone in the room, it would've been heimdall. he wouldn't have lied, would he? was that something he would do to you after everything that happened the other night? you decided not to think about it.

"it's an ancient path. we can't reach it from here." tyr said, moving around brok to continue walking.

"where then?" he pushed, following after him quickly.

"let me collect my things and i'll show you." tyr replied frustratedly. you furrowed your eyebrows together. brok was right. something about this just.. wasn't making sense.

"you ain't got no things. and where you goin' with that mask?" he smacked it out of tyr's hand, and you watched as it went flying. "that belongs to y/n, they earned it! all you done was make passable dirt soup!"

"brok, it's okay." you muttered in an attempt to de-escalate whatever you were watching unfold. "no, it ain't." he responds without missing a beat. "this ain't right. all the pieces ain't weldin' together true. like, what's with him calling you, 'loki,' anyway?" brok asked, turning his gaze to atreus.

now that he had mentioned it.. you had never heard tyr call him atreus. he had only called him loki. the name your mother gave for him to the giants. no one had ever called him loki.

"you know that ain't his name! hey, i'm talkin' to you!"

"do you NEVER shut up?"

you watched as tyr shifted into someone else. odin. his knife dug into brok, completely tearing through his clothing and diving into his skin. the weapon was covered in his blood, and you could only watched as he fell to the floor. "brok!" sindri called, kneeling at his side.

behind you, you could feel heimdall drawing his weapon. his eyes lingered on the scene before him. this is what odin did to people. this is what he would've done to him, had he stayed.

in your state of shock, odin wrapped an arm around your shoulders, the knife that was just used to stab brok held at the skin of your neck. he pulled you backwards, and even though you resisted, you knew it was ultimately no good. would you die here? would brok?

"of all the things.." odin murmured.

"odin." your father said, anger filling his eyes.

"let go and face me!" freya called, sword held in her hand. freyr stood at her side, and atreus at the other. heimdall took a place by your father. despite the risk of your life ending, you stared at him. he was facing his father. he had his sword drawn, his brows furrowed together. this was an expression you had never seen on his face before. anger.

"tell your brother to throw me the mask, and you've got a deal." odin said.

"stop moving."

"freya!" sindri called out, eyes focused on his dying brother. you wanted to sob. you wanted to do anything but be here in the grasp of the man you hated the most.

"if he dies.."

"now, now. wasn't part of the plan. but if he dies.." odin's gaze shifted to his son. "we are square for heimdall. and honestly, you got a bargain."

"i will kill you. plan on that."

"so nice spending time with you again."

"freya, please!" sindri begged, finally looking up at her.

"ah ah ah. can't be in two places at once, frigg."

freya shifted backwards, kneeling at brok's side. freyr stepped over, and with him, so did heimdall.

"hey, i don't move, you don't move. don't do anything you'll regret."

"i regret many things. killing you will not be one of them."

"i am in control here!" odin yelled. "throw me the mask, now!"

you watched as your father's gaze shifted from you to atreus, to freyr. he threw the mask after what felt like the longest few seconds of your life, and you lurched out of the allfather's grasp. atreus leaped at him, taking the form of a wolf as he did so. he was shoved out of the way, and he picked the mask up off of the floor.

"too bad." he said, looking directly at you. "looks like war after all."

as he stepped backwards into the doorway, your father hurled a spear at him. you hadn't seen this weapon before, but that was the least of your concerns. the tip of the spear pinned the mask against the wall, and odin slipped out of view. you breathed out a sigh of relief.. but that didn't last for long. you turned around and the view of brok and sindri together on the floor only broke your heart once again.

"please, you have to save him. you have to." sindri said, watching as freya tried her best to heal him. your heart sank into your stomach. there was nothing more she could do, and brok knew it. "he can't.. you can't.. maybe if i go back to the lake.."

"stop it. i know what you done. and i forgives ya. but y'gotta stop. y'gotta let go."

"brok?"

sindri stared down at his brother, now lifeless in his arms. he looked towards the ceiling, and disappeared.

"this.. whole time?" atreus murmured.

freyr appeared at your side, extending the mask out. you stared at it for a moment, before looking up at him. you took it out of his hands, your fingers pressing against it. you hated this thing. it took everything in you to not just destroy it right now.

"so.. what do we do now?" he questioned.

"now..?" freya repeated. she paused, picking up her sword. "now we kill odin. and anyone who gets in our way."

"atreus. y/n. come." your father said.

"what? where?" atreus asked.

"it does not matter." he muttered. you had never seen him look so.. defeated. you felt it too, but he was always so good at hiding how he felt. seeing him like this only hurt you further. brok meant a great deal to him, and you knew that. he meant a great deal to you, too.

"where are you going?" freya said.

"we are done."

he walked away and you were left standing with everyone else, watching as he turned to the door. you took in a deep breath. you squeezed your eyes closed, but followed after him. you stopped after a second, turning to look at heimdall.

you pressed the mask into his hands. "i'll be back." you said, your voice coarse. your throat felt dry. you wanted to scream. you wanted to cry. you probably would. but not right now.

you turned away from him, and followed after your father and brother wordlessly.

"you can't run away from this, kratos. odin won't stop until we stop him!" freya called after him, but her words were only meant with silence.

he pushed open the door, and you stepped onto the yggdrasil.

tags: @ic-yourface @alisblackgf @engardeitsme @venfia @dijanur @s1mpss @gorepitt @callalillie15 @bluehorizon987 @vanserrar @trippingoverstars @mysiax @beaniebear152 @rei64bit @neverendingdumptser @a-bunny13 @lei-leigha @candy4bonez @yyourmotherr @blobdrake-theory @zarizee @rainygamingstreamingturtle @kise-kae @aesthetic-of-a-director @unodostrescuatrolove @nixeustheclamity @aiciteaa @multifand0m-gal0re @chibi668 @wonderkive @lentillo @luffysoctopus @elizabeth-hatake @black-star1472 @lacm-ac @sxmirae @maggot-baggage @emc2beans @suzumi-hiddenmistclan @white-lyra @lmorg149 @iamverydreamy @giornos-curls @reinabxitch @ourchampionofthesun @paintmekala @the-eternal-sunflower @alextric-overload @lynn-haitani

[starryjkoo]

"I'm speechless" "I'm disturbed" "I'm horrified" "I'm shocked" by the way this fandom treats Jimin, says so called "army".

No you aren't. You aren't none of those things cause you've sat back and watched it get worse and worse and watched tkk and Jimin antis ass manipulate and grow in packs targeting Jimin which then gave everyone else confidence enough to go after him, when they saw nothing happened to them. You are pretending to be outraged, to make yourself feel better for how badly its gotten and seeing now its starting to truly hinder Jimin's career and achievements. His own fandom mass voting against him to lose awards, while pretending its to support another member. BTW the same member who has been up for awards by himself and never had mass banning together to get him those awards, but suddenly he's up against this fandom's biggest rival Jimin and suddenly they care and want him to "win" Yeah right. They want Jimin to lose. This fandom has never lifted a finger for Jimin, even refusing to stream for him to keep from free falling. So don't act surprised now hypocrites. You are trying to clear your conscious and it's not happening. Congrats for giving antis a safe space to hate on Jimin. Now he is suffering in every way. This fandom thinks they're slick, but we all see through them.

I wanted to clarify, but I think you probably knew what I meant, the ask I sent about being appalled, shocked, etc, and this fandom pretending, was not directed to you. It was more me agreeing with you and venting toward this fandom and how they treat Jimin bad or turn a blind eye to the hate, but then turn around and act surprised, like they haven't watched it for years. Anyways, wanted to clarify that, but I think you probably knew what I meant lol.

(I got what you meant! But clarification is also always appreciated lol! 😭)

Being active in this fandom these past few weeks really has me feeling like this

I’m sorry for yapping about negative stuff so much on this blog lately 😭 I’m going to use your ask just to talk about this whole situation real fast, because yeah, it’s crazy.

About ARMYs turning a blind eye -- I watched a big JM biased account post something about people shading JM only to promptly delete because she got a little pushback from her moots. That goes to show you a lot of people in this fandom prioritize their following numbers & cliques over actually protecting the BTS members and speaking up when the fandom is being weird. Which... we've known for a long time. That passivity is what allowed the rotten parts of our fandom to grow so large and for the resentment towards Jimin to go on so long unchecked. It’s beyond frustrating to watch, so I feel you on that.

I will say that it has been nice to see quite a few even non-solos sticking up for Jimin though. I don’t know if it’s just my timeline but I’ve been surprised by the amount of pushback (not on voting for NJ, just on not abandoning JM or calling out the nastiness towards him) when I expected none. I just saw a decently big account who posted voting proof for Jimin (and NJ) and I was surprised? So you know what, I’ll take it. I wish people would have spoken up before things got to this point, but the silver lining is that at least we’re seeing a lot of support for Jimin overall. On the flipside, I literally got blocked by a few people just for saying that the fandom was acting weird towards Jimin (with proof) 🥴

But yeah… this situation… ARMYs are literally unleashing all the guilt they feel towards RL onto this one vote. The AMAs have now become symbolic for what they see as the ML (some ppl have flat out said Jikook, or even just JM) favoritism in the fandom and the RL neglect. All their angst and frustration around those topics (which I believe are misguided) is being poured onto this one vote. It’s why they’re so hostile about it.

For a portion of them, Jimin winning would literally represent protecting the status quo of unfairness & lack of support they feel for the RL (I’ll never understand why some of them act like Jikook are stealing streams and support from RL, but whatever). So yeah, some of them really, actively don’t want him to win — which is crazy! None of that baggage should have been placed on this one random AMA award. Some ARMYs intentionally started the discourse this way because they wanted to “take a stand for RL”. It was just brainless, irresponsible, or maybe coming from some, intentionally malicious idk.

They’ve also turned it into a fight against solos and diets. Some ARMYs are even saying “we can’t let solos win” “we can’t keep letting diets/solos manipulate us”. I guess Jimin winning, and supporting Jimin, is seen as solo behavior now? Apparently calling out antis is ALSO solo behavior? They literally get mad when you point out people are being weird towards JM because they don’t want to give solos any validation, acknowledge that ARMYs aren't perfect or because idk they don’t want to be bothered I guess? Or because it conflicts with their manipulative victimization narrative they’re trying to push so hard by lying about MAMA.

Anyways, they’re doing this whole “taking a stand for RL” thing, but what they’re taking a stand against is Jimin winning an award… ? 😭 do they not see how weird that is, and how potentially problematic framing it that way is? ARMYs over-associating Jimin with his solos has been such a massive issue all of CH2 (again, even HYBE mentioned it) and the reaction to this vote feels like the culmination of that (if JM wins get ready for a fandom implosion like you’ve never seen before).

& yeah the MAMA history revision is just… infuriating and I’m seeing so many people doing that? So many ARMYs trying to push the “fandom fave” allegations on JM (acting like there wouldn’t be fighting if the fandom decided to focus on him). It’s crazy because anyone who has actually been supporting him knows it’s been a constant fight, every award, every nomination, every milestone, all of his charting. Yes, he has some insane achievements and support, but damn it’s always a battle and it’s exhausting. Not a single award he’s been nominated for hasn’t been met with some sort of complaint or struggle from ARMYs. Only iheart (but all the jkk drama) and ARMYs ignored that one so… and every time he wins or achieves something there's ALWAYS a section of the fandom openly bitter about it.

Seeing people say “oh it was so easy to focus on one member when it was JM” no it wasn’t???? MAMA was a mess, and don’t even get me started on TMA where even that one voting fanbase (the only one who has officially endorsed this current strategy, go figure lol) was refusing to support him and laughing about another artist winning over him. omg, it’s so annoying to see so many people push that narrative.

I’m also going to say real fast how incredibly nasty, sinister, and manipulative it is that so many ARMYs are not only gaslighting about MAMA, but lying about why people are upset on this current situation. It has clearly ALWAYS been pushback on the people being openly anti towards Jimin and pushing shady narratives (that he has “enough” awards, that he “deserves it less”, insulting his artistry, outright shading him, fandom fave allegations, etc). It has also been frustration at being labeled an anti for wanting to support him at all.

This has been clear and well articulated from the beginning but a lot of ARMYs are like… sociopathically gaslighting the fandom about it? I’ve literally seen people up and down quotes with ss evidence saying “this is what we’re upset about” and ARMYs pretending they’re blind and continue making these hit victimization posts about “why are you guys calling us jm antis for voting for namjoon!”. No one is doing that??? ahdogaidgdghh it’s crazy. They are straight up ignoring all the people sharing literal screenshot proof of why we’re upset and inventing some scenario that never happened? 😭

It’s also ironic to see some ARMYs say things like ML biased are “obsessed with awards” and are “greedy” and “don’t want any of the other members to have anything”. It’s clearly projection because they’re the ones obsessed with those things? These people are losing their minds and being openly shady towards Jimin over awards and streams, as if having less of those things is the peak of unfairness. Meanwhile all of the BTS members chart their releases on global Spotify, have had multiple solo songs on billboard hot100, have sold over one million albums. Jhope is literally on a sold out solo tour that’s being met with an insane amount of enthusiasm…

It apparently doesn’t matter that Namjoon has had the most critically acclaimed and recognized solo album of CH2 because he doesn’t have a major fan voted popularity award (btw he does have a fan voted popularity award, just not a MAJOR one) so ARMYs hate him and his solo career is tragic and he cries himself to sleep every night and he’s a flop apparently. Do they hear themselves? Like yeah a conversation is to be had about supporting RL better, but the victimization is also crazy (and they are basically insulting Namjoon constantly with some of these narratives?).

And it’s funny how quick they are to lecture people on how “the BTS members aren’t competing against each other!” but they’ll be the first ones to compare their streams to complain about unfairness? It’s so bizarre and bitter. I’ve said it before but a lot of them use Jimin as the goalpost and measuring stick for the other members. If he achieves something others should be able to achieve it as well or it’s deemed unfair and favoritism (eg the whole billion club situation).

Do they not see what a toxic environment that creates and how much resentment it places on Jimin (and JK)? First of all, it’s highly illogical to compare them and their stats like that, but it’s also just directly pitting them against each other? (also no surprise the billion club gang are the ones who set the weird tone for this current discourse lol)

And the kicker is that Namjoon winning this one vote is not going to solve anything or change fandom culture, but a lot of them see it as some fix-all for the RL situation. I've seen some of them say that this would be a turning point 😭 you're right they don't care about Namjoon or they would have already been voting for the other award he's been nominated for (barely anyone is) and they'd be streaming his music more. I'm very curious what the debut streams will be for his collab after all these hit tweets about how important supporting "our leader" is and how he "deserves better". And that's no shade on him, I'm just pointing out how disingenuous some ARMYs are being over this vote when they have no plans on properly supporting him once it's over.

And the cult mentality is really off the charts with this situation. I forgot to mention, but I have no problem with the fandom deciding to focus on Namjoon. I understand the reasoning behind that and think it’s fair, although it is establishing a potentially problematic precedent (deciding one member has “enough awards” and all that). But trying to actively dissuade and bully people from voting for Jimin is taking it way too far. Also calling anyone who goes against a voting strategy decided on by one problematic fanbase and a handful of self appointed fandom leaders an anti is ridiculous. So if you don’t immediately fall in line with these random people you get witch hunted? Like, who do they think they are? It’s such an insane power trip, what controlling, audacious behavior. We’re not a dictatorship? There are no “fandom leaders”? And no, the fanbases did not “decide on a strategy” I've only seen one agree with it. It's not the same situation as MAMA where ALL the voting fanbases agreed on the strategy because it was the same strategy we’ve been following forever based on an objective criteria.

Anyways I’m voting for Jimin. I’m not going to pretend that I was ever NOT voting for Jimin lol, but still. I’m never going to let someone tell me I’m less of an ARMY for wanting to support my bias (which is only not allowed if your bias is Jikook apparently). It’s for some reason not okay to vote for a member just because you like their solo work, you have to vote based on an arbitrary system built around victimization and pity that a handful of self-appointed leaders suddenly decided on. Again, I don’t think the rationale for choosing Namjoon was bad or wrong, it’s the hostility and the expectation to entirely fall in line or be labeled a diet or solo.

If I want to vote for Jimin simply because I prefer his solo music (or for any reason) that doesn’t make me or anyone else less of an ARMY or means that I don’t care about Namjoon or that I'm a diet (a word they are really weaponizing these days). They can miss me with that manipulative cult bullshit. Anyone who thinks that way, I hope they wake up and realize that support for BTS does not need to be weighed and quantified like that. If you show any support even just by checking out a song one time, you’re an ARMY. Honestly you’re an ARMY just through liking BTS, you don’t have to do or be anything more than that. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to focus on supporting your bias in the literal solo era 😭 some ARMYs actually do understand this, but not the ones on Twitter.

Also I didn’t talk about this but the fandom is now overrun with HL diets who do all the things they accuse ML diets of doing, they just get away with it by hiding behind the guilt ARMYs feel for HL. I wonder if they realize how harmful their narratives are to the people they supposedly stan, because trying to constantly paint RL as sad losers instead of very successful soloists with a lot of achievements, worth, respect, and popularity is certainly a choice, but whatever.

anyways I’m a lot calmer about all of this now than it seems 😭 but this has definitely been a train wreck and I think really shattered this already broken fandom even further. Genuinely nothing against Namjoon because I wouldn’t mind seeing him win an award like this, but I’d really like to see these particular bully wannabe faux leader ARMYs be humbled, and it would be heartening to imagine the support Jimin receives outweighs his antis by a lot. And I'd like to see the fandom fallout of that, ngl.

[hazbinstohell]

I'm going to be honest, I had no idea that charlastor had so many haters. I joined the fandom in 2020 from watching the pilot and started shipping them based on their dynamic and chemistry. Admittedly, I wasn't keeping up with discourse because I tend to stay on my side of the fandom. Finding out that ppl have this much vitriol for it is crazy yet not shocking. Unfortunately, whenever it comes to a popular male character being shipped with a woman and that ship has some popularity going for it that's when the pitchforks always come out. I could write a dissertation about how internal misogyny has ruined fandoms and shipping but I won't. I just don't like hypocrites. When it comes to charlastor, suddenly there's a laundry list of reasons why ppl shouldn't ship it but that energy is never kept when it comes to slash ships. I know for a fact they're not spouting that BS when it comes to shipping Radioapple, Radiodusk and any other gay ship involving Alastor. I have more respect for a hater who is honest about why they don't really like Charlastor instead of just making up shit. It's because she's a woman and we know how MF ships get treated often in fandoms. God forbid you don't immediately ship the popular male character with another male character then you're all kinds of phobics, problematic, close minded etc etc. Nah, a lot of these ppl suffer from internal misogyny and like to fetishize gay relationships and don't want to admit it. Charlastor fans mind their business and stay on their side of the fandom. How unfortunate these miserable POS can't do the same. Shipping wars have always been insane to me but shipping wars over animated characters bring out a different level of mental illness in a lot of ppl.

Yes, I never really understood ship wars. There is a lot of angst regarding a lot of MF ships. I’m happy where I am in this ship, and I have talked to some awesome people who just want to have fun shipping these characters! So, let people ship however they want!

[madrabit]

May I request C, U and M for the fanfic ask game? 😎

C: What member do you identify with most?

Ohhh, this is simultaneously hard to say and the easiest thing in the world, but I do identify the most with Jan. We both have that black cat chaos energy and we both are cat parents 🐈‍⬛🐈, so I'm obviously more inclined to feel similar to him from the get go.

I've also been described as mysterious and confused (less mysterious, more confused), so I feel like that might fit. And we're both kinda sleepy and have a resting 😐🤨 face. I call it lovingly "resting blank face".

Also, I, too, cannot help but want to film Bojan whenever I can or stare at Nace...

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Ngl, this is a hard pick, so I'll just mention a few ppl I like the writing style and fic of! 🩷

This will be more than three ppl cause I couldn't decide and in no particular order!!

@sizzlingsheepcheesecake // ao3

Does someone want to read some Bo(Jan)²? Well, you're at the right address! Her fics are so good and capture you with their emotional roller coaster they're taking you on! Her writing style is also really nice and pleasant to read 😊✨️

I particularly like her fic Come play with your food, bejbi which is an absolute fluffy vampire Bo(Jan)² fic that has me kicking my feet with how adorable it is. There also are some Bonus bites to this one!

And her poly BoJanKris fic Distortion can leave you happy in one moment and make you cry in another!

She also has a vampire BoKris fic The thrill and the dark, of the hunt and your eyes in which both Bojan and Kris are vampires, it is also really good and definitely worth a read if you haven't yet! And she has so many more fics as well!

@seokoilua // 1236 on ao3

I absolutely adore her writing style. The way she's able to take suffering and resolve it in all the good smut? Yes, definitely one of my favs. I especially like her fic been deprived and the sequel quietly, so if you like angst in your smut, her fics are definitely your thing then!

She also has a vampire BoKris fic ravenous in which vampire Kris picks up Bojan in a club and ngl, I need the second chapter like yesterday ��

@vampmilf // @fruitybashir on ao3

Sophie has a really, really nice writing style, and I enjoy his Ne Bi Smel verse starting with The Holidate so much! It's so sweet and the smut is so hot and good and spicey and hahsjjskdjdkfkf for a long time having something nice to read every Sunday was just perfect to end the week with! He mainly writes BoKris (also, give Dopamin a read, the way he writes overstimulated Bojan is just so sjjdndndndnndnfmfm so good), but there is also a nice focus on Jance, that I really enjoy :3

I also absolutely love following him and seeing him on my dash, cause every time he reblogs something unhinged about Bojan I just have to giggle and laugh (calling Bojan three blueberries tall is literally everything to me and I love it so much, also letting him be his slutty little self in fics? Yessssss). He's also such an incredible nice person and was very sweet when I met him! 💖

@da-proti-toku-grem // ao3

Maca writes these absolutely adorable Kiss prompts here on tumblr and on ao3. From Jance to BoJure and JureJan, she's got so many ships and all of them are so good and fluffy and adorable or spicy! I really enjoy all of them! And she's made me have an incredibly big soft spot for BoJure :3 💛🩷

An honourable mention goes to @185northgower // ao3

Not only will I read literally everything she writes no matter what pairing or what fandom, but we share one exact braincell, which works perfectly cause we do love collabing on fics together and I couldn't imagine a better co author! 🥹🩷✨️

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

I actually have a few ideas I've been cooking, a few of them are gonna be joined collabs with North! Next to continuing our DJwD verse (yes, there will be more, these men won't stop and have infected our heads with Daddy Nace and I just cannot, I cannot anymore), we also planned a Romeo & Juliet 🌹 fic, which we won't go into detail yet, since we can't start it yet 🤭

Then I also have a Bo(Jan)² fic started, its the same one I mentioned last time, the one with the skirt, but I cannot shut up about it. I keep calling it the ✨️girlfriend thing✨️ if that helps anyone...

And next to those and continuing with my other fics, I also can't get a vampire Bo(Jan)² fic out of my mind...

[waytootiredforthistoo]

WhompingShack Crackship

(blame @tsukiko31 for this bc she's the one who got me thinking about it)

Okay so I know it's a crackship, but I genuinly do think there's something there! And now I'm on a quest to get ppl to consider WhompingShack as a viable ship (yes, I do mean the Whomping Willow/ the Shrieking Shack) bc this ship has everything! hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers, found family, obvious innuendo. What more could you need?

You have to consider that this is a magical world, which buildings that regularly shift and grow to fit their users needs. If you consider the way Dumbledore talks about Hogwarts, the castle is at least semi-sentient, and it follows that other intensely magical buildings (like a building so full of magic it can contain a werewolf) could be as well.

I personally think it works best as an enemies to lovers, pseudo-found family, hurt/comfort fic

Like, you start with the shack, which used to just be a normal building before it was repurposed for Remus's transformations, but now everyone thinks it's haunted, and they're too scared to go near it. Then you add the tree that everyone thinks is too violent and dangerous to ever get close to (close to no one will be physically near it, but no one will be emotionally near it either?? HELLO???) Two magical, semi-sentient structures socially cast aside just for doing their jobs?? Yes,,, the angst potential is unlocked.

And then there's the fact that Whomping Willow was planted specifically for Remus, to cover up the entrance for him. So there's the Shack, suddenly forced into a life alone bc everyone thinks it's haunted now x the tree that was Born Alone, never knowing love. Enemies to lovers perhaps? The shack with misplaced anger, as if the whomping willow being planted is the reason no one visits it anymore & the tree that was told it was violent from birth, so why try to be anything else?? But then the two of them finding love in the common purpose of wanting to protect Remus???? (HELLO FOUND FAMILY)

Right, because you could have the shack that is heartbroken because it has to let Remus Lupin tear himself apart within its walls, tired of watching the kid (HE'S SO YOUNG) suffer so much x the willow that can't offer any gentle touch to its love because it only knows how to be too much, too hard, too fast, too strong, but managing to stay itself just long enough to let 3 boys inside that can ease its lover's pain and help the young werewolf better than it ever could??? The hurt/comfort potential there is REAL

NSFW ref below the cut

(plus there is such very obvious smut potential in the innuendo of the tunnel to the shack and the very phallic whomping willow branches)

(plus plus I was reading this Wolfstar fic from 2008 where they were fucking against the whomping willow and Sirius described the knob that freezes the tree as its g-spot, and like,, yea. for sure you can do something there)

anyways, I had not considered it much at all before yesterday and now I'm trying to convince myself not to abandon all my current WIPs to write a WhompingShack fic that truly only I will ever read.

[crguang]

always love the violinist au lore drops, omg.

so...was their instructor elio? if so thats crazy. always imagined him playing a stringed instrument (like pulling strings, puppeteer-esque bc he's like manipulating the future idk) so i always pictured him playing like violin, or harp. but also maybe bass bc he's sort of setting everything up and he like tells the future, and his v basic instruction (bc lets be honest they're barely following the script, its v lenient) there just wouldnt be stellaron hunters, and usually basses keep everyone on beat, idk.

btw i've been meaning to ask, how does kafka know blade in this au? like very funny to me how the ppl she's closest to in canon are basically her coworkers 😭

also the angst, like damn. them not rlly knowing each other until they meet again, even tho kafka is literally haunted by their presence, omg. and their instructor being a piece of shit and kafka not rlly realizing until later...i can't. and r being insecure and guilty abt it all, im going to implode. and kafka practicing until her fingers bleed ik her fingers are callused af.

also r not being able to recognize that kafka likes them bc of their insecurities, and kafka wearing sunglasses to hide that bc she thinks its so obvious, I'm gonna die. ik they're so annoying whenever kfr hangs out w acheswan. and kafka inviting r to the opera saying "i have two tickets" like blade isnt right there if she rlly needed someone to go with, and she's rich probably and one ticket doesn't mean much, she's so obvious.

but honestly it'd be kind of embarrassing to admit that u like kafka, shes such a loser. could never imagine admitting to liking kafka like that.../s

my finals also didn't start out very well, but im finishing them up this week and then im free for a month. do think i will fail my last one tho. its like my worst subject and im a pretty bad test taker in the first place, but wtv, it'll totally be fine. I'm sure you'll do good tho

-🌠

oh my god i didnt even think that far but i love this a lot. elio playing a string instrument always felt right but the bass especially would be so good… violin and bass sounds right to me it’s added to the lore 😋

kafka and blade…. once again plugging this insane animation about them because while it wouldnt apply exactly to a modern au, this is the vibe they’ve always given me. like no he didnt try to kill himself in front of her but this sort of chance meeting where each of them goes “oh, this one knows emptiness.” is how i want them to find each other every time. to me, blade might be the person that understands kafka the most and his care for her makes me want to die. they obviously care a lot about each other, they’re the best friends ever for me. implicit understanding of how the other works, long comfortable silences, them going through life together… i cant stand kafblade as a ship but i cant even lie like i get it man. blade’s perception of destiny is full of pain bc he’s left to suffer through it while kafka strives to make it her own wow sorry they mean so much to me. im realizing i havent actually answered your question but thats because i havent thought about it too much hejdjfkg i want her to find him on the side of the road or something. but i believe the stellaron hunters understand kafka best that’s why they’re closest to her even if sometimes it’s not the influence she needs

https://youtu.be/EED6XGHX7DI?si=jE7KkuZtSosG0zbB

kafka with calloused hands is so important to me she’s always wearing gloves now but won’t really wear them when she’s playing the violin because it’s much more intimate that way. UGH r tracing her fingers and knuckles and going over the faded marks there… let’s all cry. hanging out with acheswan and blade has made kafka believe that she’s so obvious she has to wear sunglasses around r for her own sanity but the whole time r is thinking “does she even like me 😣😣😣”, ridiculous. they’re both so stupid it’s really insane that it took them almost 15 years to get together like what’s wrong with them.

“i have two tickets” = i want you i want you i want you i want you i want you—

i would never tell kafka i like her i don’t think this is information she needs to have… it’d be obvious tho and she’d manipulate the shit out of me because of it but thats ok this is literally me

hope your finals arent too hard bc mine are definitely not going well so far hdhdjfkg but its fine we’ll live to write gp!kafka smushots during winter break

[jintonicapplejuice]

CRK PLAGUE AU

Ok so like first off ty @sweetietoofs for joining me in lore concept dumping very fun get urself someone who joins u for silly game yap sessions

Idk if anyone’s done this yet but if it exists I didn’t know oopsie myb take this as a hc of an au or something

ANYWAY

Cookie run kingdom guys are made to be consumed right? So like even if they’re something weird flavoured they’d still be like edible (yes anything is edible at least once but that’s not the point)

So @sweetietoofs and I were talking about what happens when a cookie sweats(??) like it’s a weird concept but still it kinda happens already in the game(??(im not delusional i promise)) we thought it’d be like melted sugar or chocolate blooms (like what happens when the sugar separates from the coco if u leave choco out for a while(still good just looks gross like mold))

AND THAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT MOLD. Therefore what cookies would be like when mouldy. BUT the cookies in crk are like alive ppl kinda things so mold(caused by bacteria and infections) would be like an illness or plague to them right??

SO CRK PLAGUE AU SPAWNED YIPEEE

STAGE 1: Dryness

Freshly infected cookies will experience mild discomfort like the feeling that their icing or something isn’t quite right (icing is their clothes right so like clothes don’t feel right Ykyk (sensory issues ppl get me)) and begin to sweat a bit(just enough so their slightly uncomfortable almost all the time

STAGE 2: Staleness (depends on cookie type sorta)

Cookies are now .*+dehydrated.*+ (like u (looking at u person who’s reading this go drink water and stop shimping ik u are)) and now have limited movement bc of no moisture and probably joint pain(wherever those may be since clearly they have elbows at least)

So regular cookies would be crusty and coco based cookies (dark coca and dark choco) would start to have sugar blooms. Liquid based cookies (latte cookie, milk cookie, espresso cookie) would start smelling off. Plant based cookies (herb cookie, white lilly cookie, golden othmantus cookie) would have the tips of their hair/ body start to yellow like dried leaves . I think all cookies would have a change in colour based off cookie type and drying out

STAGE 3: Melt/Ferment (depending on cookie type/ base)

Cookies would begin to have mold appear on them so that mess cream based cookies (clotted cream cookie, strawberry crepe cookie) would start melting. Liquid cookies would smell VERY off and probably begin to solidify ish. OH YEAH water cookies (sea fairy cookie, crimson coral cookie) at this point would start to loose their water resistance

STAGE 4: Mold

Cookies would most DEFINITELY have mold show up. Would be different for each cookie depending on their ingredients obviously but some of em may be more difficult to notice (mystic flour cookie since she’s so pasty) but yeah they’d definitely get fuzzy

STAGE 5: Decay

Ur blorbos are DEAD rip sorry i wanted cookie run angst. Anyway cookies are probably missing limbs/ icing/ hair(??) and are definitely withering away (def not as peaceful as mystic flour thanos snap but yk)

HOLY FK THAT WAS LONG

Anyway I think it goes without saying that this process is def painful af feel free to draw ur fav cookie suffering (i will)

I’ve got a lil CRK plague au oc I made just for this (she’ll spawn later)

[tapeworrmart]

Hey, I LOVE your art so much man, you capture a feeling of angst there that I really really like, and I love how you draw dynamics between people. I've been looking at a lot of ur GtaV art recently and love how you draw Trevor a lot. I was wondering if you could/would want to elaborate on how you view his character coz ur art of him is so cool and I can tell you've got such a cool understanding of him through that. No pressure, tho.

Hi! First of all thank you so much for your kind words about my art, really makes me happy and I'm glad I can portray that amount of feeling!!

Trevor yapping:

MANNNN oh man do I have a LOT of thoughts about Trevor's character. It's actually really difficult to word it all, hence why I draw most of it, but ultimately it's not a perspective I've ever like.... Taken time aside to really think too hard about. I remember when I first played the game I knew I was going to like his character visually but I didn't expect him to have the amount of depth and emotions that he did. I think that I always really enjoy the darker and more emotional aspects of any character, it's what I tend to look for in characters I enjoy from anything - so it's a pretty good explanation for the way I view Trevor. I really just ended up honing in on the parts of his character that left him used and abused and betrayed. The parts of him that are lonely and angry and confused. The parts of him that are psychotic and unpredictable. I see a lot of ppl (rightly so) talk about his high manic states and his jokes and silliness (which I love ofc) but I've always been edgy lmao and I love characters who suffer. So he has a lot of that to draw upon imo. He's just such an incredibly rich character, and the way he is treated in the narrative gives him so much depth to house a lot of resentment and mistrust - which goes perfectly with his almost childlike devotion and loyalty to people like Michael. Which is what gets him burned. Idk as I say it's really hard to word it, I'm no writer by any means. I just love how full of emotion he is, dangerously so, and I think he covers a lot of those vulnerable aching emotions of self hate, rejection, and mistrust with anger and violence and things he can grasp and feel - violence on himself and on others, scaring people, being loud and vitriolic, using substances, almost BEING a substance himself like gasoline with the way he uses his special ability etc. But inwards there's a lot bubbling up. I found it appealing how he could go from the first scene we see of him - jumping on a man's head and calling him a cunt- to rescuing Tracy from being humiliated in a burst of paternal rage. Going from violent and hateful to having a genuine softness and clear headed opinions about wrong doing and people he deems as arseholes. That kind of depth really just allows for a lot of conflict within himself when these soft silly moments meet the deciet, violence and self hatred. And I also love how he had these outbursts of emotion and lashing out, like when he hits his head out of frustration etc (which is also proof of his self harm tendencies to me). It strikes a chord with me as someone with bpd and mental health issues in general, that he is shown to split and have these moments of rage and turmoil. I just always thought that was really poignant and drew me to him even more as a character cuz it's something I can recognise to some extent. So for example my recent piece of him with lightning in his head was me trying to capture that feeling of outburst and splitting. As an example. Hope this makes sense and answered ur question somewhat lol.

[0verseer-o9]

vent abt stuff cuz I’m genuinely upset abt this (read the yellow parts if you want to see my view on new blood)

day 1 and im already so tired of ppl calling me a proshipper it genuinely makes me feel so uncomfortable

“you’re an evil darkship proshipper cuz I hc that jason’s mentally a minor!! ur evil and gross and disgusting ew ew ew” i’m eating my skin

“erm you’re just making excuses so u can freely post abt ur darkship” GHEHRHSHHAV RGHRRR GRRR GRRR GAGHHHH GRAHHH GRAHHH BARK BAKR BARK BARK GRGGGRR GUAHHAHAHHAHAHHH BARK BARK BARK

“they’re unhealthy” i literally can’t word how i see their relationship with one being a killer and survivor grrr someone needs to lobotomize me RIGHT NOW!!

i can’t explain how i feel and why i ship them well enough but i will try

i like seeing it as them slowly falling in love with jason becoming more and more reluctant to kill noob and getting more gentle with them. once they finally get to a healthier place spectre deletes jason’s memory and the cycle starts all over again.

jason’s confused on why he feels so connected with noob and why he feels a pang of sadness when they die. he doesn’t truly get why he finds quicker ways for them to die instead of letting them suffer like the rest. he’d rather stalk them rather then immediately ending their life. he’s conflicted. maybe it’s just hate.

noob’s confused on why jason goes from weirdly loving to hateful. it spooks them. however when they notice how jason treats them differently it intrigues them. they need to know more. i’ll confess i need to think abt noob’s perspective more.

ALSO I HC THEY’RE LOWKEY A FREAKK!! (they’re kinda into it loll)

i like the weird infatuation, spectre mind fuckery, peak angst, and how unrealistic it rlly is

is it unhealthy?? yes but hey no one’s perfect (please laugh)

i can’t put my thoughts down on paper

i feel like i can’t do anything to get ppl to realize “wowie this isn’t a proshipper!!” and it’s upsetting like actually

i’m starting to feel like a bad person bec of this

[illdragyoudownwithme]

oh hi nyx :) I see that you like asks

I have a silly little situation I thought up with my huge brain and uhhhhh I want you to see it

take it

i have a gift of making silly situations into angst im the eldest sibling and I def gave up on my younger siblings a while ago they don't listen, I just walk away and let them suffer the consequences and just sit somewhere bubbling with rage kids don't like to listen and some just have to talk back even when told to ,, lets say clean up smth t h e y spilled

i have anger issues but im good at keeping it inside but that just makes me feel worse until I snap. id rather not keep it in but what can I do

so self projection, raph is just like me and blah blah blah hate saying anger issues when referring to myself cause of how many kids online do those cringe ass posts about how they gon transform and shit

anyways raph ripping out his fingernails more like him banging his head on the wall,, or punching it sometimes you need to just go at smth and the majority of the time the hardest thing that is directly vertical to you at arms height is in fact a wall.

yay asks i love when ppl show me stuff gimme more I swear I'm normal and sane