#I just think that the funniest origin of his back pain isn’t just getting old it’s bc he’s breasting too boobily everywhere

[science-lings]

Phoenix should get more design references to Mia and by that I mean carrying on the Fey & co tradition of having big naturals and they can share the experience of boob induced back pain

[vaguely-concerned]

R-r-r-rewatch thoughts for The Mandalorian S2 Ep2

(or Chapter 10 as they seem resolved to call it)

- can I just express my joy for a moment that in one episode we get peli, the answer to my pleas for female representation in the ‘sketchy middle aged car mechanic’ niche, and a female alien designed with no consideration towards sexiness. (I mean I’m sure there’s someone. There is always someone somewhere on the Internet, is the bitter truth history has shown to us. but it’s not the intention behind the design haha)  

- they do take great pains to deliberately show you boba’s armour several times both in the recap and in the episode itself, so never despair he is very likely still on his way onto our screens once more

- this dude holding the baby hostage wanting specifically the jetpack in exchange is the one (1) break this whole episode gave din lol 

also the Patented Mando Finger Curl of Stress while he talked softly and calmly to not promp this asshole to make a sudden move... the most endearing character tic, I love my space cowboy dad so much 

- fun continuity detail: din is all out of whistling birds now, and you can see it here!

I wonder if he could still use the same mechanism with different ‘ammo’, it’s just not as effective? from the way the armorer spoke whistling birds seem quite rare and it would be an inefficient use of beskar if that’s the only thing it can be loaded with

 - I love how after the last episode, a 50 min epic with a bunch of original trilogy significance and impressive technical achievements and exciting character reveals, I was like ‘yeah okay I suppose that is quite interesting’, and this mess/comedy of inconveniences is the thing that fully makes my brain tip into the obsessive ‘BABY AND DAD SHOW!! BABY AND DAD SHOW!!!!!’ mind state lol

- ah the traditional ‘mando trudging slowly but steadily through the desert’ montage we all love to see (I hope this is going to be a Thing for the second episode of every season from now on) 

Also I assume his suit has some sort of temperature regulation built in and that’s how he didn’t, y’know. die under the blazing desert sun

-

CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT man I love the jawa. also mando doesn’t even glance over at them, really emphasizing how he’s like. done with this entire day (and it’s all barely even getting started din! i’m sorry)

 yodito’s look in this scene tho... he’s like ‘we’ve Seen some shit lady’ (actually I think he’s staring at ‘dr mandible’ like O___o. it’s been a long day for a lil boy) 

you get to see dr mandible’s cards a few times, so I assume anyone who knows the rules of... sabacc? probably? could figure out beforehand that he was in a bad spot. (the star wars fanbase is one of those where I KNOW the rules exist somewhere, and I know people who know those rules exist too)  

- that sound the baby keeps making -- the ‘boo-a’, sometimes with a p-sound at the end -- if that’s the precursor to him saying any variation whatsoever of ‘dad’ or ‘papa’ or ‘baba’ or even ‘buir’ or anything, I will die. I will sink to the ground in a heap and never get up (the way he keeps seeking out gaze contact with the helmet and seems perfectly satisfied with it too... fasdhfaskdjhl my FEELINGS)

- it seems confirmed in this ep that the mandos who died on nevarro did so while holding off the enemy so the rest(probably especially the children) could get away; some of them appear to have escaped. which I guess is a small relief

- 

frog lady stepping out of the shadows and into our hearts

I like that her firm nod after Peli translates ‘her husband has seen them’ lets us know she understands... basic? is that the common tongue thing in star wars there’s just so many to remember across fandoms lol? perfectly well, even if she can’t speak it. 

- mando might be running low on ammo for the pulse rifle, if the fact that he hasn’t replaced the missing cartridge on his... bandolier belt thingy is any indication

ETA: actually ignore me this has been a thing since the literal first episode of the show my brain just had a hiccup lol

- so baby seems to use a little bit of the force to pull the eggs towards him -- I wonder how often he ‘taps into it’ or if it’s always ‘on’ in the background for him. if so I guess there’s no wonder he’s so hungry (but also... kid you can’t end this lady’s entire family line like that one cat who singlehandedly made extinct a whole species of bird! D:)

- din so rarely gets openly angry, he just gets passive aggressive and grumpy. and that’s probably not the healthiest way to deal with things but I love him

- frog lady reacts so strongly to when din sends the ping when nothing else woke her up, I wonder if she can hear more frequencies than a human

- 

hello darkness my old frieeennnddd

- 

proof nr 1508 that din does not starve this baby you guys, he even has his own little tray just the right size for him! as it happens the baby simply seems to prefer eating things that are... still alive in some capacity. which, uh. maybe they can invest in some form of non-sentient crickets or something for him to hunt down and.... oh dear

- 

Look how they massacred my boy

By the way I finally managed to put into words why the Razor Crest -- and particularly the way it keeps getting beaten to hell and back and patched up again --  is so symbolically important and meaningful to me in this show in this post over here! it’s always a great relief to me when I can finally understand what the hell I’ve been going on about all this time and this was one of those lol

-  honestly if it weren’t for frog lady and (more importantly) the baby I think there’s a slight chance din would’ve gone ‘well I had a good-ish run of it for a while there’ and just let the ice claim him haha   

- “Why don’t you come over here and give me a hand. Make yourself useful” This is the one time in the episode I think he crosses the line into just being a dick for a moment (but noticeably the baby isn’t just a little hurt at this reaction, he’s clearly surprised and confused, which means this really does not happen often. after the time mando’s been having recently I guess a moment’s snappishness is understandable haha. he does follow up right after with being much more responsive and attentive when the baby toddles away from him, so it feels like it’s going to be okay)

also the ‘boo-ap’ sound is there again when he’s trying to get din’s attention. just sayin’ 

when din comes over to see the footprints baby makes a declarative little meep like ‘see??? I did tell you!’ haha

- it is very funny that mando is using all his technology meant to track down dangerous bounties in the grungy depths of the criminal underworld... to find a naked lady just chillin’ in a hot spring 

- 

cue the ‘father is evil?’ memes fsadfda. actually the funniest thing about this moment (apart from the fabulous finger acting) is that din actually snatches a few eggs out of the baby’s reach more subtly right before, and that baby only whines for ALL OF ONE SECOND before he goes to sniff around for other food possibilities fkadfhjkds. from my experience with human children he’s a lot less prone to tantrums. yodito doesn’t get mad, he gets even 

- baby running towards din through the hatching spiderlings like ‘DAD I FUCKED UUUUUUP’, din’s little strangled ‘ngh’ sound as he picks the baby up and watches all the creepy crawlies come out... *chef kiss* impeccable 

(that little ‘ngh’ and the soft shocked ‘ah ah AH!’s from when he goes flying at the beginning of the episode... pedro pascal and his voice work for this character gives me so much life. in some ways din has this sort of dignity and grace and in other ways he uh extremely doesn’t. he gets to be cool but also vulnerable in ways a lot of male main characters don’t and it’s probably why I love him so much) 

btw here is that moment when din moves to hold the baby tightly against him with both hands as the big spider appears, because it gets me right in the heart... it such an instinctive thing of holding on to the dearest thing you’ve got before something bad is about to happen

fdsafhsdakjlfhsdkjlhfsdajhf oh my god the baby is clutching din’s finger with his little hand during the chase!!!! 😭😭😭

this FUCKING SHOW has just WEAPONIZED putting in small details everywhere to convey the love and tenderness and attachment felt by a little muppet doll even where only weirdos like me will frame by frame their way through the video to see it I am so MAD

- frog lady going ‘fuck this’ and bounding along is  e v e r y t h i n g 

- din is an amazing shot, though, he doesn’t seem to miss a single one in this whole scene (then again there’s something to shoot at basically everywhere one can take aim so lol)

-

baby hiding behind/half hugging din’s boot as he tries to get the doors closed hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can’t breathhhhheeeee 

honestly every single one of the baby’s proximity seeking behaviours in this ep has me on my knees 

- it’s very unfair to play the heroic happy mando music like everything is going to be fine and then have a huge fuck-off spider drop down from the ceiling and break it off mid-tune, the mandalorian, you have trained me in certain ways and now do you betray me??? how can I trust again

- the camera work in the scene with the new republic guys gives such a good sense of the discomfort of being judged from on high by someone or something you can’t really see -- the glare of the lights blocking out everything in the shots from din’s pov makes it feel like a tense interrogation (the new republic dude who is actually dave filoni has such a look of fondness as he watches din tho it’s kind of sweet)

- ...oh no I think baby was actually considering munching on that dismembered spider leg YODITO NO JUST EAT YOUR KRAYT DRAGON BABY

- hngh this is a weird filler episode and it has my entire heart. I suspect we might get some episodes of a more stationary baby between active ones like this -- you can tell a little bit in this episode that especially having him running around fast is quite difficult to have look natural, they likely save that effort up for when it best serves the narrative  

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #459

“i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh  /  i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away”

Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. You’re getting married. Who’s your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. What’s your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao What’s your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say you’re a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. What’s been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. ♥ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.

[belliesandburps]

Followup with MGS4 Peace Walker and 5?

History has a funny way of repeating itself. :P

This one's actually gonna be long, so I'll cap it here to spare those uninterested in non-kink posts the burden of having to scroll past this fanboy rant. 'XD

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots

3. It's Okay

Soooooo...not a controversial opinion to say that I don't think MGS4 is GREAT. I adored it when it first game out, and I still enjoy replaying it from time to time. But good lord, so many of the interviews shed light on a LOT of this games problems.

Some backstory is required. Hideo Kojima was done with MGS by this point. He planned to move on and leave the series to the younger generation. But then, there was a lot of internal conflict and struggle to determine what MGS4 should be after Fukushima quit (AND was rumored to have been murdered by the Yakuza...how that rumor started...and became a SERIOUS rumor that millions believe, I do not know...). So Kojima came back, course corrected, and the end result was kind of a giant mess.

I'm not talking story because, there's just way too much to unpack. But as a game, MGS4 can't decide what sort of video game it wants to be. It had a brilliant idea that had never been done before with its Battlefield Stealth, which were the best parts of the game. And then they get dropped two acts in, and what gets replaced in their stead is not nearly as fun.

The game had substantially less boss fights than its predecessor, and a lot of them were mechanically simplistic or just didn't let you get creative with how you fought them. And we later learned there were a lot more bosses planned, more gameplay sequences planned, and an entire other PMC group that got canned in favor of the Scarabs so Shadow Moses could be guarded by machines instead.

There's a lot about MGS4 that I love. I think the first two acts are amazing, ESPECIALLY Act 2. I think the mechanics are great. REX vs RAY is criminally fun. The sheer buffet of insane weapons gives the game a good amount of replay value. And the graphics still hold up to this day!

But what I finally realized is that the game juggles way too many ideas and doesn't give any idea the time they deserve to flourish. Battlefield Stealth could've CARRIED MGS4. But it gets dumped before we can get our moneys worth. A disguise sequence could've been really creative, having to juggle different identities with OctoMask every time one identity is burned. But it's only used once and wasted because it's only used for a terrible tailing mission that doesn't let you actually explore the European City. And too many of the action set pieces are kind of bland except the bosses and piloting Metal Gear.

MGS4 should've been MGS4. Not MGS's "Best Hits."

Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker

1. LOVED it!

I know this is unpopular to say, but I'll say it. Peace Walker is one of the best Metal Gear games ever made. I adored almost everything about it. The gameplay improves on MGS4 in most ways because it doesn't juggle a billion ideas all at once. It's MGS4 stripped down to stealth action from start to finish, and that's all I wanted. The level design is great. The insane volume of guns changes the entire feel of combat in later post-campaign gameplay. The mission select options mean you can jump into all the parts of the game you enjoy the most. There's TONS of bonus missions that are really inventive and fun to replay. And the story is one of the best in the series. It's straight forward, very tight, characterized well, and is the best iteration of Big Boss to date.

Peace Walker's also the FUNNIEST MGS game by Kojima as well. There's so much more personality and levity to everything, to the point where Big Boss often feels like an MCU character. That might sound bad, but it's really not. That corniness fits MGS PERFECTLY, and I'd argue is tonally spot on for this series. MGS doesn't need to be dark, gory or explicit. It's a silly series that's about giant robots, corny bad ass super agents with an anti-nuke message.

The only downsides to Peace Walker are the QTE's and the boss fights. This was a feature that only ever appeared in this game and for good reason...it was fucking terrible. So basically, you had cutscenes that forced you to do various QTE's or else get dinged on your ratings at the end, even if you played perfectly. Fairly minimal, but then, you get to Strangelove's torture. And this is the single most rage-inducing part of any MGS game ever made. It's an insanely physically painful button mashing sequence that will leave your fingers raw and your PS3 triangle buttons jamming. And the ONLY way you can replay one of the best missions in the game (the prison escape where you have no items) is by redoing that sequence over and over. And the boss fights? While inventive, they're all just grindy bullet sponges with no personality, no stealth tactics, and no room for creativity the way you can get creative with every other MGS game's bosses. This was the biggest disappointment for me because the stealth and combat mechanics of PW are great and would've been SO good against human enemies like what Portable Ops had. Instead, every boss is a mini-Metal Gear all voiced by the VOCALOID AI from the mid 2000's, and each one takes forever to destroy. It sucks because PW had a TON of bosses, but only a few of them are any fun, and that's only if you have weapons that are strong enough that they don't take ages to destroy.

But asides from the bosses, the REST of the game is so damn good that I don't even care because that's just one element to a much larger, grander game. Which is even more impressive when you consider PW was originally on the PSP before the PS3 port. And this game has more content and replay value to it than most games I've played since.

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

1. LOVED it!

Hooooooookay...so, I've rambled about my storybook romance with MGSV for YEARS now. (Just ask @twistedtummies2, he's been subjected to my fanboying of this game more than anyone in existence XD) But there's a reason I regard this game as one of my all time favorites and the best MGS game to date.

It's REALLY freakin' fun.

Kojima had been re-energized by the time he got to MGSV. He'd been working on the game around the time he finished Peace Walker in 2010. He KNEW it was his final MGS game and wanted to do something completely different...

...He wanted to make a game where the central focus was on...waaaaait for it...the gameplay...

MGSV was designed to be, what he described, as a toybox. You have these missions that all take place in structurally unique outposts like any level in MGS. And the missions are designed with the structure needed so that they all feel different, but all remain so open ended that you can play them countless different ways.

MGSV's game model is everything GTA SHOULD'VE been. It fully embraces the open world freedom and incorporates that into the missions flawlessly. And it plays in such a way that stealth and combat both feel like they were the primary point. In MGS, combat is usually a last resort. But with MGSV, you can fly into an outpost blasting away on your helicopters mini-gun, shoot up the bad guys, rescue your target, throw them back into the chopper and fly away while "The Final Countdown" blares on your choppers loud speakers.

Every method of gameplay is valid and the controls, the enemy AI responsiveness, it's all, bar none, the best I've experienced in ANY video game. Sneaking around feels tight and tense and combat makes you feel like Jack Bauer on adrenaline. (I mean, he IS the voice of Venom Snake)

And I really like the story for the most part too. Its weaknesses are really glaring. Namely, the "Fun" of MGS is completely devoid in the story (which is really odd since it's FRONT AND CENTER in-game). Venom Snake only has maybe six minutes of dialogue in the entirety of this 30+ hour long game. And the way Skull Face gets completely undercut right at the home stretch is something I have NOT stopped bitching about for almost six years, and my friends can personally attest to that.

That and the ending feels too abrupt.

We know that Kojima got fired by Konami's VP and said VP scorched the entire production company after that and made a series of dickheaded decisions that pissed off a LOT of fans, burning much of the good will Konami IP fans had towards the company. But that had nothing to do with MGSV's abruptness. That was the plan from the start because only Kojima would think to end the entire series on a plot twist like that.

And I think the issue isn't the twist at all. In fact, I LOVE the twist. The issue is that the game should've continued beyond it so Venom Snake could cope with the truth and realize how badly he'd been screwed. I think even people who hated the twist could've been won over if there was a little more to the games epilogue than Episode 46.

Also, the games boss fights were a tad underwhelming. Not the fights themselves, I LOVED all five of the games bosses.

Oh? There were twelve?

No. I meant what I said. Because so many of the games bosses are rematches against the same bosses. All MGSV has is the Skulls, Quiet, Eli, The Man on Fire, and Metal Gear. They're great bosses that do everything the best MGS bosses always did; give you tons of options, incorporate combat AND stealth, have varied attacks AND even have multiple methods to sneak around the boss and avoid the fight completely. But for a game as long as MGS, you need more variety. And frankly, the bosses NEED more personality. Skull Face should've had more XOF assassins acting as the bosses in the game along with the ones we have. Elite assassins like Quiet, with their own powers and specialized weaponry so the fights feel completely different from the ones we have. And oh yeah, SKULL FACE HIMSELF SHOULD'VE HAD A GOD-FUCKING-DAMN BOSS FIGHT!!!!

Buuuuuuut those issues don't even matter if for all the games issues, I still replay it frequently when it's almost six years old.

So yeah! There's the massive rant you totally didn't ask for! :D

[bangtanblurbs]

love is not over

song: love is not over (full length edition)

first experience: what do we qualify as the first experience? the release in HYYH pt. 1 or the full length release on young forever? with almost a year in between the releases timing does bring about different memories for me. 

the 2015 release of HYYH pt. 1 found me a few weeks after a rather terrifying trip to the emergency room with a diagnosis that would forever change my life - the way i live physically and emotionally. this album was the first album i experienced as ARMY. i found BTS through I NEED U, and quickly devoured the HYYH pt. 1 album in may. love is not over was a track that immediately stuck with me. i remember laying in the grass of my university quad, outside my dorm building, soaking in the sun - putting it on and smelling the spring air. it was tremendously comforting for me. i didn’t immediately look for a lyric translation, i didn’t feel like i needed it. i felt every emotion through the song without even knowing it’s true intended meaning. hindsight - i wish i had looked up those lyrics. 

as for the full edition release in 2016, i was actually working in macau at time time as a researcher. i’d been there for about two weeks when young forever dropped. i have the funniest story about me running through the streets of hong kong, completely lost, in mad pursuit of the physical copy of the album. that is for another day though. (also plenty of fun stories of attending the HYYH epilogue concert in macau - i’ll include my horrible video of love is not over from the concert as well). i was so happy to see an extended version of love is not over on the album - i never could have imagined or anticipated it... it was such a delight. having the extended version was almost like what getting young forever was to bookending the saga of HYYH pt. 1 and HYYH pt. 2. i associate this song heavily with my experiences falling in love with macau, falling in love with myself in a way i hadn’t before, and falling head over heels with the world. a very difference first experience considering the low place i was in with the original release. 

it is important to note that the extended version of the song adds in the rap verses for all of rapline, and offers us a very different conclusion than the original release (which was a source for debate among 2015 army for it’s place in the larger HYYH saga and the interesting *jibberish* at the ending of the song, more on this in the lyrics section). 

feelings: lyrically, love is not over is a breakup song. it’s that kind of song where the singer is begging their significant other not to leave, not to say goodbye. it’s the kind of song you listen to after you get dumped. you’re devastated, the other person seemed perfect... whatever comes next for you, you can’t imagine that person not being a part of it. love becomes nothing but pain in that moment. you lament it. you beg for love to fade and fall away. but... in some ways it’s not. to me, in my view the song is also about one’s relationship with themselves. or at least i see it that way. the song isn’t so much about this one specific girl -- it’s about love in general -- it’s about how they’re upset at the fact that love is always pain for them, it’s goodbye after goodbye, there’s no stability, there’s nothing but pain. i’ll make this point in the lyrics section more clear.

it’s this very point that makes the song resonate with me. at this point in my life, and even now, goodbyes terrify me. i carry the baggage of years of goodbyes, those that were intentional and those that happened for reasons outside of my control. they’re damaging. they make you start to see love as pain. why let others in? why love? what’s the point if it’s all going to end abruptly. you’re left with grief, broken dreams, despair. i’ve been through even more at this point in my life than i had when i first heard love is not over. i should be hardened by the pain i’ve felt over the years. yet - i am not. not completely. i haven’t let bitterness taint me completely. 

strangely, when i listen to love is not over, i can’t help but feel in love - the beat - something about the pure R&B sound of it, it’s the perfect build and smoothness, it sounds like what love would sound like (if in fact emotions could become sound waves). the beat is calming and smooth, never loud, never melancholy. the song makes me feel, once again, comforted - like even though i’m hardened, even though love is pain, even though it has the capacity to hurt, it’s not over - and it’s still an emotion that i long to feel and express to those who inevitably come into my life. the song makes think about how i’ll always have the capacity to love and accept love. even if there’s moments i go through where i want to scream that love is dead - i know it’s not, i know that i’ll always love again. 

personal connection: i probably relate to this song in a way that very few others do. maybe i’m interpreting it differently, or perhaps it’s because for me, the song doesn’t map neatly onto a life experience for me - yet i still love it dearly and it’s brought me immense comfort. it’s not a song i cry to with the thoughts of a past relationship in mind. it’s more about my internal discoveries and my relationship with how i love, express love to others, and how i experience and process rejection and change in my life. 

for me, listening to love is not over brings me to a point where i’ve realize that despite being a hopeless romantic i’m a complete cynic. i’ve taken all the personality tests, i know my star sign... among all of that i can tell you i am deeply idealistic and i live inside my head where i build fantasy worlds and scenarios, where i romance everything. i fall in love with the world around me one-hundred times a day. i’m deeply in love with my friends that i hold dearly close to me. yet, and probably because of these visions of grandeur, i’m often let down. i expect the fantastic, and when things fall short i’m hurt. to make matters worse i’m a deep devotee to the church of self-loathing. i know it’s all my fault that i put so much love and care into everything around me, everyone around me, so when things fail, when inevitably the goodbye comes, i place the blame squarely on my shoulders. 

at the point that the extended version of this song came out i was in the process of falling in love with the very world around me. i was out of the US, experiencing something so new and foreign for me. a place that i quickly took in. a place that changed me, made me so much better. healed me to a point where i could leave a toxic relationship - without fearing that goodbye - the goodbye i feared far more was leaving macau, heading back to the states to start my masters degree. i wasn’t in macau for a long time but that experience, i fell in love so many times. not with people per say, but with feelings, with my surroundings, with a slower way of life. when it came time to say goodbye, it was like breaking up with a new life for me. i felt pain. i almost wished i hadn’t experienced a life where i was so happy - only to go back to a world where i had to confront the reality that was my life. the tatters i’d left back in atlanta.

when i came back home things weren’t as i’d left them. i was returning to do my master’s degree at the same institution where i received my four year undergraduate degree. nobody was there that had previously been. i felt abandoned, i felt alone, the love i had in my heart both for a foreign place that was now out of reach, but also for the friends that my university had previously held, hurt. it was pain. i longed and yearned for those places, times, and people yet again. so much so that i hurt myself in the process. i spent nights alone with my wine bottles and emotions. it took a while to get out of the place i was in, but i did in fact love again - love wasn’t over. i learned to fall in love with new people, fall in love with the old in a new way, fall in love with my dreams. for me, love is not over is almost like the story of learning to love yourself, learning to love how you love. and not just in a romantic way, but how you love more generally. if the song were meant to only speak to intense romantic relationships why would namjoon’s verse allude to the shallowness of the relationship at the heart of the song? for me -- i’m still learning how to get back up when love becomes pain, how to recover from putting love into the world and not always receving it back. love is not over. it’s a process. it’s always with me, even if it’s not always returned. even if it’s not always right. it’s there. 

song breakdown

musically: i would like to make the assertion that the full length edition of love is not over is one of bangtan’s best songs. every member’s performance shines through, it’s a perfect dramatic ballad song but the rap verses perfectly complement the perfection of the vocal line portions of the song. 

the slow and soft start with the piano - it fits the mood of the lyrics perfectly. the way in which the harmonies work together to highlight the emotions of the song. stunning. the introduction of the drum beat at the chorus and the R&B undertrack that runs from the chorus through the rap verses is soothing ~ it picks up the mood completely, infusing the song with hope. the playful beats throughout hoseok’s verse which go in time with “stop” and “dot” it’s complete genius. the melodic backing track that picks up with yoongi’s verse is unexpected but completely complements his increased rap pace. the return to the slow for the bridge as we get the upper-ranges of vocal line... it’s hard to put into words how *perfectly* produced this song is. and -- produced by jungkook. i believe this is his first producing credit, and what a song for it to be. it’s genius in every way. in the outro: version of the song jin is also credited in production and songwriting. it seems that this duo are R&B geniuses along with slow rabbit.

the smooth pick up of the beat - it’s classic R&B at its very very very BEST. the asian style is not something to be skipped as well. there’s clear elements that are echoed throughout the entire HYYH series. the song feels old school, nostalgic for some kind of 90s R&B but with the new twist to it. it fits the mood completely, wishing and longing for something that is now in the past. the song builds around the choruses and in the rap verses, expertly moving the emotions of the song along. much like the song is kind of about the ups and downs of love, the loss and the hope, the ugly and the beauty, the music matches this with it’s changes in tempo and sound. but it’s not overwhelming at all. love is not over is smooth - incredibly so - and it is the kind of song you can put on when you’re down, when you’re up... something about that makes it a complete masterpiece and a never skip.

vocally: i don’t have too much to say here other than love is not over is an OT7 song that showcases the talents of both rap and vocal line beautifully and equally. the balance in the song is one of my very favorite aspects of it. it’s not heavy on either side - we get the raps and we get the beautiful crooning - it’s a masterpiece in songwriting and production. it’s a masterpiece in performance. jungkook’s beautiful higher range is showcased in the opening of the piece and leads off the chorus and is felt throughout with adlibs. taehyung’s velvet lower register often follows jungkook in a beautiful contrast - offering us a soulful sultry sound. then jimin and jin take over and moves the song into the chrous with their beautiful high-registesr.  jimin builds the prechorus with power, which then is sung line by line and beautifully with all four voices complementing one another. vocal line harmonizes with one another throughout the song - offering plenty of stunning ad libs as well. 

rapline brings emotion and pain to the song with slower tempo raps in the second verse, started by namjoon and concluded by hoseok. namjoon’s gentle rap voice delivers a sense of understanding and comfort. meanwhile hoseok follows him up with a soulful rap, playing with the beat and building into a pleading tone at the end of his verse. the final rap verse is then taken by yoongi - he starts off slow and building to a more quick rap pace, adding in more emotion and bleeding in to jungkook’s crisp delivery of a modified bridge/final chrous. both jimin and jungkook provide several heavenly high notes throughout and the piece is ended with the solemn repetition of love is not over. it’s stunning, the vocals for all members truly shine in love is not over - there is no dominance, and the song makes for the perfect showcase of the group’s total talent. 

lyrically: jungkook is listed as the primary songwriter for love is not over, but he was assisted by jin, pdogg, slow rabbit, and rapline contributed their own raps. i think it’s important to note because jungkook was only 18 at the time of the full length release, and even younger likely when he wrote the song. impressive. 

now - onto pulling this masterpiece apart completey. 

the slow and beautiful start to love is not over is grounded in a feeling of time passing, time flowing, as one sits through a “long night” that they can’t seem to escape. offering us both a headspace we’ve all been familiar with - sitting alone in your room late at night pondering life - and a feeling of something quite dark, the long night that going through a hard time can feel like. the lyrics then move to ask “why are you getting farther away? / so far that i can’t reach you?” these lines are clearly calling out to someone that was at one point very close with the speaker - a lover, perhaps a close friend, an emotion, a past identity... the options can be endless. it’s like as in the previous line, time is fading away, everything is going dark, and so is the relationship at the heart of the song. the song then asks “can’t you see me in your eyes anymore?” the line almost begging, what has changed, why am i no longer someone you consider, no longer someone you’d like to have in your space? in your view? it’s crushing. the speaker can sense the relationship and the other pulling away, their once held affections and desire melting away to darkness - to a lack of presence. 

the song then moves into the chorus - almost a chantlike chorus which brings more emphasis and importance to the words. the lines begin: “love is so painful / goodbyes are even more painful.” beautifully outlining that opening oneself up to love, that vulnerability, it hurts - and when loves walks away from you, when the goodbye comes inevitably it’s even more crushing than the initial feelings of fear, anxiety, the nakedness that comes along with falling into love. “i can’t go on if you’re not here / love me, love me / come back to my arms” the speaker begs, pleads, feels completely powerless losing something so precious. when juxtaposed with the title of the song - love is not over - you begin to wonder, perhaps these words are just that? they’re words. there’s ultimately a piece of understanding that love is worth the pain and struggle, there is a hopefulness to this song, but we can’t find it in the chours.

the piece then moves into namjoon’s rap - lyrically powerful and delivered with nothing but raw emotion. he starts off telling an intimate story “you said goodbye to me / every night before i went to bed” emphasizing the closeness of the subject to him -- “i hated that even more than dying / it feels like this night is the end of you and me.” he laments those goodbyes, he’d rather have stayed in those beautiful moments, full of love, full of promise. instead things have gone dark and they’re ending now - the longest night has begun, with a simple “goodbye.” despite having emphasizing the closeness of the subject to him, namjoon then calls into question that “i don’t know you, you didn’t know me” perhaps he says this as an explanation, if they’d truly known one another then they’d have worked things out. made it all okay again. there’d have been no goodbye. it’s the realization that perhaps he’d been in love with someone he’d create in his head all along. he then moves along to say “you’re like hello and goodbye / at my beginning and my end / there” emphasizing that things with the subject had been up and down, all over the place, bliss and pain. this goes back to the statement about love being pain, it’s something the speaker wants desperately, yet it’s causing them pain? thus emphasizing the volatility and absolute confusion that happens to our emotions when they’re tangled up within another.

hoseok’s verse follows with its own beat and style. he emphasizes the separation in the first two lines “everything stopped like our red light / stop” and “nothing more to say, it ends with my tears / dot.” clearly he is drawing a line here, there’s no need for any more interaction between the two. it’s over. which in many ways contrasts with the begging nature of the choruses. which leans me to be inclined to think that this song is more about being in love with the emotion of love, a yearning for the emotion and feeling of love rather than a specific person that didn’t even know you. hoseok continues “i’m not okay i repeat this denial / recite, if you can recite my mind” asking the subject to recognize his emotions, his feelings towards concluding their relationship. “you are my endless love and my girl” the verse finishes out. bringing us back to the true story at hand, but not taking us away from the idea of wanting love for the overall feeling of love rather than for a specific person. 

the chorus repeats once again, then we are brought to yoongi’s verse. the emotion builds both in the sound of the song but also lyrically. hope is infused throughout this verse following strongly after more sad toned lyrics previously. he starts off “i always smile at you / even the love is a tragedy for me.” this line makes me think that the speaker recognizes that even if things are falling apart, there was something beautiful about being able to feel at all. that’s a major theme throughout the HYYH series. feeling, experiencing, not necessarily for the sake of others, but for the sake of exercising your youth, for growing, strengthening and building yourself. this part of life is the perfect time for it. “i always cry after it’s over / farewell even though it’s a comedy for you.” yoongi recognizes that the other party doesn’t carry the same emotions as him, it’s completely the oppostie for them. “yes nothing is everlasting / i live without you even i feel like dying” while not exactly hopeful, this line does contrast with the other lines about not being able to go on - yoongi specifically uses the word “live” he goes on, life goes on, he will continue to experience and it is at this point in the song where the first utterance of the song title is made. “over, over, love is not over” emphasizing that even if this is over, love lives on. it might be pain, it might be an unpleasant emotion, but it continues. finally yoongi ends his verse with a plead “please take me out of this endless maze” signifying that he finds the interactions with this particular type of love, or person, or moment in his life confusing and disorienting. but the thing is, mazes have exits - there’s a change he’ll find his way out and onto whatever is next. 

the chrous repeats one more time before the song in concluded with the beautiful chants of “love is not over, over, over” flipping the way in which yoongi uttered the line - ending with the word over. offering hope to the listener. the chant urging the speaker to believe their own words. there is a change, love is not over. it will happen again and again - “over and over” as the lyrics provide through the repetition of the lyrics. it’s understated but it’s a powerful message of hope, cycles, and avoidance of a true end. 

performance: you can easily find live performances of love is not over, most notably from the EPILOGUE in JAPAN concert. i also attended the HYYH EPILOGUE concert, but in macau back in 2016. i was really fortunate to experience love is not over performed live. i’ve uploaded the video here for you all the enjoy. please don’t mind any screaming you hear, i was clearly beside myself. i remember the emotions i felt hearing the song live - the vocals were pristine, the emotion in each voice was on display, the stripped down live band backing was beautiful. everything about the performance screamed emotion.

all seven bangtan members were seated on stools, dressed in black jeans and white blouses. behind the members a beautiful HYYH logo was lit up with the signature chain-link fence print. the beautiful understated nature of the performance amongst a sea of high-energy performances including baepsae, save me, I NEED U, and fire... the contrast was enough to make every ARMY at the show completely transfixed. did i cry? maybe. did i cry with a strange girl i’d met off of twitter only hours earlier? ...okay i’ll be honest - i really did. the song is powerful just as a track on an album, but experiencing it live, or even just watching the performance on youtube -- it’s powerful. the talents of these men are on full display, both rap and vocal line are able to highlight their abilities beautifully. 

tl;dr: love is not over is beautiful. it’s an earlier bangtan song, and it’s earned its place as a complete classic R&B bop. the sounds of each member’s voice, the lyrics, they’re melodic and soothing. the song is about heartbreak, but the interpretations in the context of the greater HYYH saga make it hopeful. love is something we often associate with youth. falling in love with others, ourselves, and our world - it can be painful... especially when we’re young and we realize that things aren’t always as we percieve them to be. but it’s all a part of learning. we will love again, and love isn’t over. it’s a cycle. 

[lacylu42]

My Christmas gift to myself was to commission @licieoic​ to paint my OCs from my WIPs The Curse of the Mad Dragon and Murder of the Faerie Consort!

Behold!  David “Mac” MacInish and Julia Cartwright.  I’m so happy with it! 

Here’s the scene this image describes behind the cut:

“This place is a fae shop,” David explained as they approached. “The owners are Unseelie, so it’s better if you let me order and do the talking.”

Julia shrugged and agreed.  David was more than a little nervous about introducing her to the more complicated corners of his world, but she was right: she was going to encounter the creatures, beings, and customs of the supernatural world sooner or later. It would be better if she did so with him nearby to help.

Also, they made incredible lattes. 

He pushed open the door and they entered the cozy little shop. Every inch of the walls was hung with clocks of all shapes and sizes: a wall clock that looked like it belonged in a school room, an old-fashioned alarm clock, an ornate cuckoo clock, a stately grandfather clock mounted three feet off the floor. 

Around the room, the patrons lounged in squashy armchairs and sat around little cafe tables. Several witches were drinking tea in the corner and laughing, a kitsune with a long nose and bright red hair was reading a book on a patchwork sofa, and on the coffee table next to it, a bright blue nixie, about 10 inches high, was lapping milk out of a saucer. 

He glanced at Julia, who was clearly trying to play it cool, though her wide eyes taking in the scene betrayed her.  He ducked his head to hide a smile and went to the counter. 

“Mac!” the barista behind the counter cried, spotting him. She was pretty and petite, with short, dark hair that curled around her ears and skin like polished oak. Her smile shone like moonbeams. “I was starting to think you might have died! I haven’t seen you in two days!” 

He chuckled. “Nothing like that, Abbey, just a tricky case.”

“The usual?”

“Make it two.”

Abbey glanced over his shoulder at Julia, who was lurking behind him. “Of course! Can I have your name?” 

Julia opened her mouth, but David cut her off. “Just put it with mine, Abbey.”  

She pouted playfully at him, but rang him up without argument. 

“Tell me a whopper,” Abbey said as she made the drinks.

David looked thoughtful. “I’m purple,” he said.

She gaped at him. “You’re not even a little bit purple!” She laughed as if it were the funniest joke she’d ever heard. “Do it again.”

“I’m the Queen of Sheba.” 

She frowned. “Are you— no you’re NOT!” 

She passed him the coffees, still laughing, and David guided Julia to a table in the corner, out of the way. 

“The Queen of Sheba?” Julia said, raising an eyebrow.

“She thinks it’s hilarious that I can tell outrageous lies like that. The fae can’t.”

“What — they can’t lie at all?”

“They can be misleading and omit the truth, but they can’t outright lie. The fae can be pretty tricky to deal with. In fact, first lesson,” he said, as they sat down, “never ‘give’ your name to a fae. It gives them power over you.”

Julia looked surprised. “You mean — all those superstitions about fairies are true? Wait. Isn’t like the first one about not eating or drinking anything they give you?” She glanced at her drink suspiciously.

“It’s the giving part of that one that’s important,” he said. “So don’t accept any samples. But I paid for these, so you’re fine.”

Julia took a sip of her coffee and closed her eyes in pleasure. “Good,” she said, “because this is magically delicious.”

He snorted and took a drink of his own.  But he noticed that she was frowning down into her cup. 

“What?”

“Well… Didn’t you give me dinner last night? I mean, I didn’t pay you for it.”

“I’m only half fae. Those rules don’t apply.”

Julia visibly relaxed. “Oh. Good. But you’re still not getting my firstborn or anything.”

David grinned. “Curses, you’ve foiled my plot.”

“But how do I know if they’re fae or witches or something else entirely? I mean. She looks pretty human to my untrained eye. Kind of a hippy maybe. Are hippies actually fairies?”

“A few. But no, you really can’t tell by looking. It’s more of a feeling.” He frowned slightly, trying to figure out how to explain it. “A sort of buzz. A sense.”

“Thank you. That’s incredibly specific and helpful.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, it’s hard to describe. It’d be like asking you to describe color. Or define the word ‘it’. But don’t worry. The more you interact with supernatural creatures, you’ll start to be able to tell them all apart.”

“Yeah, but what am I supposed to do until then?” she asked, stirring her coffee distractedly. “Seems like I could get into some pretty big trouble before I figure it all out.” 

“Well, I’ll be here to help you.”

“For now,” Julia said.  “But everybody seems to think you’re a pretty good detective, so sooner or later you’re going to figure out who did this to me and why. Probably sooner rather than later. And then what?”

David wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“I don’t even know if I — can I even go back to my old life? How do I report on just half of the city when I suddenly know there’s an entire other population of people and creatures and beings doing stuff, too? Should I just pretend I don’t see the goblins in the subway and the sigils spray painted in alleys and the fire witch busking in the park?”

“Once we figure out who did this, we’ll be able to look at the original spell,” David said. “We can analyze it. The department has some of the best forensic spell casters in the business — I’m sure they can reverse it, if that’s what you want.”

“Reverse it?” Julia looked at him in a sort of horrified confusion. “You mean, I’d go back to just being normal? I wouldn’t remember any of it?”

“If that’s what you want,” David said. His stomach gave a painful wrench. 

“No,” Julia said quietly, wrapping her hands around her mug.  Then more firmly. “I don’t know why this happened to me, but I can’t give it up. It would be like losing one of my senses. Even if I forgot… I don’t know. I feel like I’d still know something was missing.”  

They sat in silence for a while, drinking their coffees. David found himself feeling strange and realized he was relaxing. 

He had forgotten how calming it could be to sit in companionable silence with someone, how timeless it could all become. He looked at Julia, sitting across from him. Her shoulder-length brown hair fell around her face in soft waves, and she’d pinned one side back out of her face. She was tracing the whorls of the wood in the table with a fingertip. Something about the way she looked just then transported him back to a different era, a different time…

“Shit,” he said, jumping. He knocked the table and the dregs of his latte spilled into his lap. 

“What’s wrong?” Julia asked, handing him a wad of napkins. 

“I forgot — damn fairies. It’s time to go.”

They abandoned their mugs and Julia followed him to the door. 

“Bye, Mac!” the fairy behind the counter said with a bright smile. “Enjoy your day!”

David slammed his hands into the door and pushed it open. Outside, the light was strange. Julia looked all around her as they stepped out onto the street.

“What…?” she began.

“Cafes can be liminal spaces,” David said grumpily. “Especially fairy cafes. We lost about six or seven hours it looks like. Damn.”

Read the rest here on Wattpad

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 1/4/21

Black Clover, Vol. 23 | By Yuki Tabata | Viz Media – Given we came to the end of a very long arc last time, it makes sense that there’s a lot of goofy comedy before we start the next arc (which has a timeskip!). Fortunately, Black Clover is pretty good at being dumb and goofy in a shonen way—I’ve said before that it’s ripping off every single shonen series in the world, but it’s not doing it badly. Therefore we get a lot of silly love confessions, and priestesses who wear spiral “nerd” glasses like Mousse from Ranma 1/2. Oh yes, and Asta is not executed—for now. They still think he’s totally evil, though. Hopefully fighting a devil may help to change that opinion. This has become one of the longest-running Jump series now, and it’s easy to see why it’s still going. – Sean Gaffney

Days of Love at Seagull Villa, Vol. 1 | By Kodama Naoko | Seven Seas – Another yuri series from this author, this book starts with one of our heroines fleeing to the countryside after her boyfriend gets her best friend pregnant. She’s there to teach (and boy, her class could use some lessons in “don’t slutshame and don’t bully”), but she’s also staying with a young woman who’s raising a kid alone after her whole family was killed. The two are seeming opposites, but turn out to possibly have much in common. The yuri so far here is just a drunken kiss, but I’m sure there will be more to it. That said, the series seems content to introduce its cast and then start to simmer things to a slow boil. That’s good too. I want to learn more about this village. – Sean Gaffney

Didn’t I Say to Make My Abilities Average in the Next Life?! Everyday Misadventures!, Vol. 1 | By FUNA and Yuki Moritaka | Seven Seas – I was expecting this to be a 4-koma sort of volume, but it isn’t. Instead it’s just goofy comedy chapters without the ongoing plot that we get in the normal series. So you get things like Reina trying to learn to cook, and Mavis getting hit on by women again, etc. The usual stereotypes apply—Pauline has large breasts, Mile is… well, Mile, Reina is hot-headed, etc. There’s also a flashback to Adele’s experiences at school, where it turns out that all the school’s “Seven Mysteries” are just her being stupidly overpowered. No one should get this who’s not a fan of the original, but those who are should be quite pleased. – Sean Gaffney

Dr. STONE, Vol. 14 | By Riichiro Inagaki and Boichi | Viz Media – Most of this volume is trying to rescue everyone from the evil village “god” and his even more evil minion, who is unfortunately more overpowered than most of our team. On the cool side, most of the rest of the group gets un-petrified after recovering their bodies from the ocean floor, thanks to the power of Taiju being really strong and really dumb. On the less-cool side, Kohaku and Ginro are now petrified, though frankly that’s a good thing in Ginro’s case, as he was bleeding to death. This is probably the biggest villain that Senku and company have had to face before, so it makes sense that he’s finally taking a very dark step (as he himself says) and bringing guns into this world. Great fun. – Sean Gaffney

Eniale & Dewiela, Vol. 1 | By Kamome Shirahama | Yen Press – I was told when I saw who the author of this series was that I should not expect it to be much like Witch Hat Atelier, and that’s an understatement if anything. Oh, the art is still amazingly gorgeous, but the content is very much designed for those who enjoy the dynamic of, say, Gabriel Dropout. An angel and a demon are best friends despite sniping at each other the entire volume. Eniale is a bit of a featherhead. Dewiela has a bit of a temper. Together, they get involved in Very Wacky Situations. How much you enjoy this will depend on how wacky you find the situations. I found it fun, but I think I would enjoy it better in a magazine chapter by chapter than in volume form. – Sean Gaffney

Hatsu*Haru, Vol. 13 | By Shizuki Fujisawa | Yen Press – This series about four couples—heavily overbalanced towards two of them—finally comes to a close by going back to its leads, as Riko’s mom is moving due to her job and… is NOT asking Riko to come with her. Yes, the final volume involves everyone trying to self-sacrifice the most, with lots of tears and angry words. Of course we know that Riko really needs to be with her mom, even if they may not have the best relationship, which of course means that she and Kai are now far from each other. Fortunately, it’s the final volume, so this can be resolved with a flash forward to college. This was a solid series, but I’ll remember it for Takaya and Ayumi more than anyone else—in fact, possibly just Ayumi. – Sean Gaffney

I Love You So Much, I Hate You | By Yuni | Yen Press – Ayako Asano and Saori Fujimura are both accomplished, successful career women working closely with each other at their company. But outside of the office they’re even closer—they’ve actually started sleeping with one another. Two women becoming romantically involved isn’t so much of an issue, but the fact that Ayako is both married to a man and is Saori’s boss poses some significant problems. I Love You So Much, I Hate You is a mature manga dealing with some mature themes. Initially, there are definite imbalances in Ayako and Saori’s relationship, each woman approaching it from a different starting point and hoping to get different things out of it. However, over the course of the volume their needs and desires begin to align. But it’s not easy for either of them for a variety of reasons; granted, a relationship that starts out as an affair is bound to be complicated. – Ash Brown

An Incurable Case of Love, Vol. 5 | By Maki Enjoji | Viz Media – Nanase and Dr. Tendo are a couple now, so, inevitably, we must introduce the rivals. This volume gives us the first one, a rich young man with a medical condition who cynically says that people only care about him because of his money. He runs into Nanase, who is, well, herself, and falls head over heels in love with her. I was impressed how the author took this old-standard josei manga trope and simply… had the leads act like adults. There are a few misunderstandings and small fights, but there’s no huge blowup or breakup, mostly as Dr. Tendo is very familiar with who Nanase is. That said, Nanase still has self-image issues, and the cliffhanger implies a stronger rival on the way. Maki Enjoji is always good. – Sean Gaffney

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War, Vol. 17 | By Aka Akasaka | Viz Media – While we’re still dealing with the consequences of Miyuki and Kaguya dating, the series really has gotten very good at the tiny little jokes. Including possibly the DARKEST ‘in between chapters’ gag I’ve ever seen, where Iino talks about how she enjoys pain as it makes her “feel safe.” As for Chika, I think she has realized that the author increasingly doesn’t know what to do with her. She probably does not have a big character-building arc like the other four, so she’s essentially the goofy one that annoys people, something she is catching on to. Though the funniest chapter in this book features Karen invading the main title from her spin-off manga—still sadly not licensed—and almost getting everyone arrested. – Sean Gaffney

Practice Makes Perfect, Vol. 3 | By Ui Hanamiya | Kodansha Comics (digitial only) – This volume has our lead couple finally going all the way, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t problems. For one, the first time HURTS, and even successive attempts are nine parts pain to one part pleasure for Nohara (who, amusingly, is still trying to handle this in a ���sports” way, as is Yano). There’s also the fact that Yano thinks that Nohara is going to break if he tries to be anything but super super gentle, which… also is not helping, though it leads to the volume’s best joke. Fortunately, the next volume is the last. Unfortunately, it appears that we’re going to get a “hey, the girl I love spends her days surrounded by hot guys!” chapter. Still, this Rated-R manga is still a lot more fun than I expected. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown

[lattelesbean003]

1-50 for the asks lmao (if you feel like it, but you don’t have to lskdjfls)

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

I’m lesbian! 🏳️‍🌈

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Uhh, I’m really into Haikyuu!! again. I’m still kinda obsessed with Marvel though lol.

3. Ever done any drugs?

Only prescribed drugs.

4. What piercings do you want?

Ohh, so many. I want three piercing on the lobes of both my ears and a couple cartridge piercings. I’ve kinda thought about a nose ring? But I’m not sure. As a start though I need to get over my fear of needles and actually get my ears pierced.

5. How many people have you kissed?

None.

6. Describe your dream home.

Okay okay. I want a one or two bedroom apartment in Montreal, Quebec. (NYC would be the dream but hahahhhh way too expensive). The kitchen would have dark cabinets with a white counter top, a nice deep sink with a movable faucet, obviously a dishwash and stove, a pretty big stainless steel fridge, a stainless steel microwave, and a toaster. I’d have a nice, big, comfy couch in the living room. There’d be lots of plants (I love plants), and a little table by a window for a ‘dining’ room. Bedroom would be big enough to fit a double or queen bed. Oh! I’d also have bookcases everywhere cause I love books and manga lol.

7. Who are you jealous of?

There are a few fanfic writers that I’m jealous of just cause they’re really good at writing and my dumbass feels inferior and bad about myself. It’s one of the things I hate about myself. I get insecure wayyy too easily.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

Right now, Haikyuu!!. I binged it pretty quickly and it’s turning into a comfort show for me lol.

9. Do you watch porn?

I have before, but it makes me uncomfortable.

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

I do have a blog that I run that I haven’t told anyone about.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

Florence, Italy. I wanna go back so baddd.

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

Living a good and happy life and not feeling insecure about literally everything

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

No I wouldn’t. Exposing my chest to anyone makes me very uncomfortable. Also, the idea of nipple piercings is very bizarre to me but hey, you do you boo.

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I would buy way too many books and clothes lmao. Also food. If I didn’t set aside some of it for college, I’d spend it on dumb stuff like that.

15. Are you in a relationship?

No, but I wish. I’d love a girlfriend.

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

Nope!

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

I’m not angry with anyone, just feeling insecure about my relationship with a couple people cause my brain is stupid.

18. What tattoos do you want?

I want a full sleeve tattoo! Idk what the art would be, mostly because I haven’t actually thought about it toooo much because tattoos involve needles and pain and those are two of my biggest fears. (Failure takes the number one spot though.)

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Oh uh, idk man. I’ve never thought about it. I’d just stick with Jen.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

For fandoms, Haikyuu!! right now, but I love sweet things way too much. Also, bread.

21. Describe your best friend.

Tall, adventurous, takes no shit, smart

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

@ms-bookdragon ;)

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

I mostly like specific songs, rather than one artist. Here are my top five at the moment:

Piano Man / Billy Joel

My Love Will Never Die / AG, Claire Wyndham

Toss a Coin to Your Witcher / Samual Kim, Black Gryphon (I like the remix more than the original)

Dance Monkey / Tones and I

The Sound of Silence / Disturbed

24. What are three places you want to travel?

I really want to go to Quebec (and I might be able to this summer!!), Japan, and Greece. (I also wanna return to Italy).

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

Sharing lots of laughs with friends.

26. What’s your favorite season?

Spring! I don’t mind winter if it snows, but where I live it mostly rains and it’s annoying lol. We’ve only had like, four dry days since the new year.

27. What’s your pet peeve?

LOUD CHEWING OMG I CAN’T STAND IT. Also when anything scraps against metal. Makes me cringe and tense up like nothing else.

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

A gay guy in my chem class. Also my neighbor. They both have very weird senses of humor but I appreciate them lol.

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

Avengers: Endgame. :3 (I will forever hate that movie lol.)

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

Oh god why you gotta do this to me. @voxofthevoid. Ahh he only knows me from my main not my sideblog. 😭

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books don’t hurt my eyes as much. I don’t think I could read a paper version of a fanfic though.

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Oh oof, uhh none of them? They’re all kinda shitty worlds lol. 

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

Lots of button-ups and sweaters. Jeans, converse, scarves, nice dresses and skirts. I don’t have a specific wardrobe, I mostly buy whatever catches my eye.

34. What’s your coffee order?

Depends on my mood, but I mostly buy ice caps at Tim Hortons. Sometimes a french vanilla. At proper coffee shops, I buy a latte or mocha. I can’t handle a normal latte yet though, so it’s normally a caramel latte or something. At Starbucks, I typically buy a caramel frappuccino. When it’s cold, a mocha latte. (The peppermint mocha is yummy.)

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Nope, kinda wish I did though. 

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

Nope! I have on ex and mostly avoid him lol.

37. Have any tattoos?

No, but as I mentioned above I’d love a full sleeve tattoo.

38. Do you drink?

Nah, I’m still underage, alcohol is gross, and I’m not popular enough to be invited to parties.

39. Are you a virgin?

Yis. Still haven’t gotten my first kiss too.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

No

41. How many followers do you have?

On this account, tumblr claims 39, but it’s actually 24 lmao. I have a joint account with another person that has over 1000 followers though.

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

She has a long mousy brown hair, a bunch of ear piercings, really adorable dimples, and a very nice smile. I’m like 99% she’s straight though.

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

I indulge too much in junk food. 

44. Do you read erotica?

Yupp. I mean, if you count fanfic with sex in them plus the occasional doujinshi.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

The one date I’ve been on wasn’t too bad, but the dude I went out with thought we were a couple after the one date. I feel kinda bad because I led him on for two weeks, unsure how to break it to him that I discovered I was gay soooo.

46. How many people do you follow?

100, but like over half of them aren’t very active.

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Hmmmmmmm. I don’t have a specific crush on anyone, but maybe Sebastian Stan just cause I wanna be his friend. He’s too old though lol.

48. Describe your ideal partner.

A girl (obviously), who’s could drag me to social events, but also enjoy a quiet night at home. Funny, encouraging/supportive, kind. Also lots of cuddles. I love cuddling and hand holding, plus cheek kisses!! Ahhh

49. Who do you text the most?

Two of my irl friends. They’re both great. I also text the person I have a joint blog with.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

A warm spring day. The sun isn’t too hot, the grass is a lush green, and there’s only a handful of clouds in the sky. On the flip side, if I don’t have to go to school, I love snow. Walking around my neighborhood when it’s totally quiet and peaceful is one of my favorite things to do.

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E16 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 352 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 338 Responses

This episode gained a lot of positive responses with 87.6% rating it at a 5, with only a couple people not so impressed. Hopefully future episodes will keep up the high streak!

As it stands right now, this is my favorite episode from the anime. How the Beast Titan's rampage was animated was so much more horrific and impactful than the manga, I felt more sympathy with Erwin than I did when I read the manga, and the final series of scenes that depict the suicide charge were so masterfully done I felt my heart grow heavy. Absolutely spectacular. I hope the next episode is even better <3

It was fucking amazing. Perfect game, more like perfect episode

Great job all around the board imo. The rock throwing was truly horrifying either the red mist, and the screams were done perfectly

So far easily the most harrowing, depressing episode of the anime :/

Even though I knew what it is going to happen in this ep, wit has managed to surprise me. Best episode of the season so far with the first one.

Favorite episode of the series so far

It was great, but the poor animation quality really ruins some serious moments in this arc, as many people are dying

Just Perfect, the tension and release were just on point 👌

Took the crown from S2EP6 as the best of the series for me.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 349 Responses

A lot of attention was on Erwin this chapter and many were moved by his scenes. Most notably, his charge with his soldiers at the Beast Titan led with 28.9% respondents picking it as their favorite moment. 17.8% respondents said Levi kneeling in front of Erwin and vowing to take down Zeke was their favorite, followed by Erwin’s motivational speech at 14.3%.

Bombardment scene was made 30 times better in the anime.

It was the moment we were all waiting for, and it happened and now I'm like a deflated balloon of emotion. Thank you, Erwin.

The imagery of the fallen scouts chilled me and I loved that included Isabel, Farlan, Isle Lagnar etc but my anger towards Annie has been resurged seeing Petra's face. Female titan I'll never forgive you for wrecking Levi Squad!

Erwin and Levi's relationship is one of the most beautiful ones I have ever seen, and I was happy seeing how it was portrayed, finally. With them having cut so many of the moments that showed Erwin as human, I'm glad they took the time to draw the moment of his smile so much. Long live my Commander, I would have followed him to hell.

I was astonished at how well they adapted Levi and Erwin's scenes.  Bravo, the animation was top notch, the voice acting was stellar, like wow.

The bodies on the red background was really dark & was the part that had the most impact on me (as opposed to the manga)

erwin and levi's talk made me a lot more emotional than it did in the manga. the whole team did a pretty damn good job with this episode.

WHO WAS THE EPISODE'S MVP? 348 Responses

Unsurprisingly, Erwin gains the MVP award for this episode. Some think Levi stands out as well.

Erwin is humanity"s greatest soldier. Rest in peace, Commander.

Ono Daisuke is the goddamn mvp

Erwin made me gay

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT CONNIE MAKING A PUN ABOUT THE FALLING HOUSES? 346 Responses

28% of respondents can relate to Connie’s stressful comedic moment, with 27.5% believe he has the right to make jokes. Some are rolling their eyes or think this isn’t quite an appropriate time.

I think Connie´s joke was his own form of mental breakdown. It makes him all the more relatable to me.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE ASKED TO JOIN THE SUICIDE CHARGE? 345 Responses

If asked to join Erwin on the suicide charge, a majority at 38.8% of respondents would have faith in the commander and hope to survive. 30.1% of participants aren’t sure what they would do, while an equal amount of people are between retreating or surrendering on the spot.

Crack a joke like Connie

If Erwin throw himself from a bridge, I would too! The fuck. Ok but being serious, being in that horrible scenario without a chance to survive, just nod and fight until the end.

Fuck it. I'm going die anyway; might as well go out swingin

cry, disassociate, and die. in that order.

Lads you would not catch me within 1000 miles of a battlefield. I'm less useful than Reiner on a battlefield, and that's saying something.

Pull a Floch and shit myself while crying

I would actually with all my heart follow Commander Erwin fucking Smith with no expectations of survival. Never have I ever encountered a man as compelling as him, real or fictional.

Sorry Erwin but... someone’s gotta keep Floch from being an ass. I’m sure you understand.

Not really but what about trying to hide closer to the wall since zeke will be throwing rocks at erwin and the others... then wait until levi is done with the monkey.

I would have never been stupid enough to join the survey corps to begin with lol

DO YOU THINK LEVI MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE TO FOLLOW ERWIN’S PLAN OVER HIS OWN? 346 Responses

41.3% of respondents believe that there was no other choice Levi could have made except to defeat the Beast Titan. 39.9% think the plan was the better of the two strategies.

It was the only viable narrative choice, but if it was a real battle retreating with as many survivors as possible might have been sensible.

Levi gave Erwin salvation by making the choice for him and gladly transferred Erwin's own burden of guilt and responsibilities onto his own shoulders. Which also why the word choice of "follow" seems iffy. Erwin is a proven master strategist and brilliant tactician, so of course you always go with his plan. BUT Levi didn't just 'follow' his plan, he made an active *choice* to implement the plan. It is Levi's plan as much as it is Erwin's.

Levi let his personal feelings get in the way of determining what would be the best hope for Humanity's survival.

I sincerely doubt Beastie would have let the survivors go unmolested all the way back to Wall Rose, and Levi knew it which was why he said he doesn't really expect anyone to survive this situation. Erwin had to make his last contribution to humanity in that moment, and they both knew that.

i think the plan should have been to stunt the beast, as we know that he doesn't get killed here anyway (obvs they don't know that), just buy some time ans save as many souls as possible.

HOW MUCH DID ERWIN’S INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH MOTIVATE YOU? 345 Responses

A large majority of voters are willing to believe in Erwin’s encouraging words and die by them no matter the risk.

I'LL FOLLOW YOU TO THE GRAVE COMMANDER ERWIN!!

ERRRRWWWIIIINNN!

WHO YELLED THE BEST INSULT TO BERTOLT? 345 Responses

Out of the few distracting insults, Sasha calling Bertolt a “massive pervert lord” was the best out of the three for 69.6% of respondents.

BEST SHOCKED FACE THIS EPISODE? 348 Responses

It isn’t often Levi is caught off-guard, so his shocked expression this episode was favored by 41.1% of voters. 23.3% of people thought Erwin had an expressive reaction as well.

Erwin’s face when he got hit... Wish we could’ve seen the gore though.

HOW WELL DID WIT ADAPT THE CORRESPONDING CHAPTERS? 343 Responses

There were a couple unsatisfied viewers, but overall a majority of participants believe the episode was fairly accurate to the manga.

the suicide charge was perfectly done.

that slow mo scene of the first boulder shower was amazing! and then the red mist of blood, the screams and cries of fear, pain, and death of the soldiers, the shock, despair, the ghosts of the dead soldiers, the emotion of Erwin and Levi’s last conversation, gosh this episode was beautiful in a morbid and heartbreaking way

It was very well done. It hurt, but not quite as much as the manga did.

Incredible adaptation. I’m tempted to call it flawless.

erwins soft smile after levi confirms what they must do was so special, especially since they hung on erwins face for a while

This episode was far more horrific than the manga version - the blood mist and the screams really upped the fear.

WHICH VERSION OF CONNIE'S JOKE DID YOU LIKE BEST? 346 Responses

There were a few different translations of Connie’s joke depending on the medium. 43.9% preferred Connie’s pun in the manga about Eren having a roof over his head again, while 31.8% thought Connie’s “Yeager” pun in Japanese was the funniest.

The only funny version of connie's joke is the japanese one...

HOW DID THE ADAPTATION OF ERWIN’S MOMENT OF GRIEF AFFECT YOU? 340 Responses

Erwin’s moment of grief was a somber scene for many, and over half of participants feel the adaptation tugged on their heart strings more than when they read the manga. Less than a quarter felt more sympathetic, with quite a number preferring the original manga version better.

There’s something about actually hearing his voice that made me want to cry again

I dunno, I think both mediums had different but equal impact in terms of the actual speech. The anime is very emotionally and viscerally effective, whereas with the manga you take longer to process what's in front of you at your own pace, in the privacy of your own skull. Both very moving.

Can't reproduce reading it for the first time but this was great.

I really liked it, but the manga is still more powerful for me.

Doesn't matter to me. I felt the same sorrow and overwhelmed like in the manga was a couple years ago. Great job WIT, absolutely!

I prefer the scene in the manga because of Erwin having more moments of being himself instead of colder than a summer day in Colorado, as the manga clues in more to him being a sad old man. However, Ono Daisuke’s voice acting was ON POINT. Erwin’s voice cracks like he was going to cry, the distance in his voice, it just made me cry.

I was practically sobbing on the floor, take from that what you will.

The hidden option of: Both were heartbreaking to me

KNOWING FLOCH NOW, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON HIS BREAKDOWN? 348 Responses

Since RtS, Floch has become a paramount character in the current manga arc. Viewing his breakdown in the episode, 37.1% respondents think the moment was great in humanizing him. 18.4% respondents are less moved and found pleasure in his despair. Several were reminded why they used to like Floch and some gave praise to his seiyuu’s performance.

Back when I read the chapters, I found Floch to be annoying, now with the recent ones I really dislike him more. I still felt the same watching the episode but the seiyuu did a good job

Um, a combination of the above options I think. I was always 'meh' about Floch until his jerkface side began to show. So I never actually 'liked' him, but I certainly empathised with him at this point, and his seiyuu was definitely brilliant!

I have never liked him, really

I don't agree with his mindset in the current chapters of the manga but seeing the fucked up shit that he went through being the sole survivor and even then not being able to revive the Commander. I can see that trauma changed him to just follow Eren's instructions that he would let someone like Zeke live on but give far lesser thoughts to his actual saviour, Levi. As such, in the particular episode and the extent of the anime, I pity him and his VA did an amazing job of displaying a normal soldier's reaction.

Independently from his future actions, I think his breakdown is irresponsible and it doesn't help, given the circumstances.

Floch's a prick, but his VA was fantastic here and actually made me sympathize with him quite a bit. Can't wait to hate him again in a few eps though.

I had a lot of sympathy for him at the time in the manga, and seeing it again has made me think about how he's come to the point he has in the current story. PTSD and survivor's guilt explain a lot.

Hate him with a passion. I had forgotten that Levi actually kinda saved him, and now knowing how he wanted to kill Levi in recent chapters made me hate him even more.

I don’t give a floch

I think there still a hidden motive that Floch has since he is definitely following Eren now. I predict that in his mind he is honoring his fallen comrades by acting the way he is in recent chapters. Might be messed up externally, but I think there is more to Floch since his motives likely match Eren’s who we still haven’t quite figured just yet.

Of course we can have sympathy for someone without justifying their actions. I do sympathise terribly with Floch's trauma as the sole survivor of the suicide charge, but I do NOT accept it as a reason to become a militant ethno-nationalist. (His seiyuu was beyond amazing tho, props)

who the fuck is floch?

MARLOWE AND MOBLIT’S DEATHS ARE COMING UP AND SOME HAVE EXPRESSED THAT THEY WOULD LIKE SOME ADDITIONAL ANIME ORIGINAL SCENES FOR THEM - THOUGHTS? 347 Responses

Sadly, Marlowe and Moblit’s death scenes will be shown within the next couple episodes. 50.1% of respondents believe these scenes are impactful enough to stick with the manga while 36% would want to see the anime had something more.

Additional scene definitely for Moblit!! Poor boi is so underrated :'-(

Marlowe :( :( :(

I would definitely like to see more of Moblit, we have barely seen him this season. I feel like the only scenes we'll see him in are pre-death and post-death (we could see him as a ghost in Erwin's grief scene). Moblit deserves way more than this. Marlowe is adorable and seeing him die will be enough to break my heart, especially when you think that the only person surviving that suicide charge was not a great person like him, but the disgusting scumbag that Floch is.

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 348 Responses

A majority of readers at 69.8% can’t wait to see the infamous first battle between Humanity’s Strongest and the War Chief. 23.3% are more enthusiastic for Armin’s face-off against Bertolt. Needless to say, it’s going to be an eventful episode.

I AM NOT READY FOR SHINGANSHINA FRIED ARMIN.

Isn’t it wild that next episode we’ll likely see the defeat of all three of the Warriors? Bye Zeke, Bye Reiner, Super-Bye Bertholdt.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

This was the best episode so far that has been aired. The emotions were high, the soundtrack was impeccable, the animation/drawings were fantastic (aka Levi had emotions!!!), and it really did a good job manifesting the hopelessness of the situation to the audience.

I forgot how hopeless the situation was during all of this. The constant narrating on stones in the background and the recruits screams really showed that

My only gripes were the music choice and lack of proper facial expression (Although, maybe that's just because Isayama is amazing at expressions)

That red mist was so horrible and made everything look so gruesome, I was in shock. This episode really hit me hard, I wasn't ready to watch it and now that I have, I'm having a hard time recovering

I was HEARTBROKEN at the end of this episode. Hard enough to read the chapter, worse still to see it on screen. So much sorrow and regret for poor Erwin.

I need that piano ost

Rip Erwin. Shinzou'ed his last sasageyo.

I've never felt something watching SnK until this episode. Erwin's face during the suicide charge was something... That was the real face of fear. He knew he had to let go his dreams for the sake of humanity, unlike previous times where he used this excuse to move forward his dream.

The music and Erwins’s voice actor made it nearly perfect

WIT is playing a dangerous game with the amount of CGI they're using. It hasn't really "ruined" anything for me yet, but they're getting close.

I cried even though i already knew what would happen. Is it normal doctor ?

The episodes have just gotten better and better, and this one might just be my favorite in the series. Definitely top 3. Just fantastic execution all around. It truly managed to bring back that feeling of hopelessness. Daisuke Onoue is an absolute legend. Not ashamed to say I cried about 3 times opon rewatches.

This episode broke me. Literally. I was mourning for Erwin for a while after, still am. I thought having read the manga would prepare me somewhat for the Vow™ conversation, but holy shit. I dunno if this is in the manga but Erwin had tears in his eyes when he sat on the crate. Erwin Smith was *crying*. And his voice (kudos to Daisuke Ono!!!) just. Absolutely wrecked me. Amazing, amazing episode. The kind you badly want to rewatch again and again but can't without bolstering up your emotional strength each goddamn time.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 332 Responses

Thanks to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!

[terramythos]

Review: Vicious by V. E. Schwab (Villains #1) (REREAD)

Length: 364 pages. 

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Urban Fantasy, Science Fiction, Superheroes, Revenge Narrative, Dark, Time Jumps, Perspective Shifts, Third-Person, Great Characters, Duology

Warning(s): Graphic violence and torture. One of the main characters is just straight up genocidal. There is a very dubious consent scene later in the novel (non-explicit). Child death (sort of?). This is like, a gray versus black morality kind of story, so don’t read it if that isn’t your thing?

My Rating: 8.5 / 10

My Summary:

Victor and Eli, two genius college roommates at the top of their game, come up with a hypothesis for their senior project— that near-death experiences sometimes result in superpowers. However, when they test their theory, things go terribly awry, and both are left forever changed. Victor finds himself with the ability to manipulate pain. Eli becomes functionally immortal. And with a body count behind both young men, they transform from best friends into bitter enemies. 

Ten years later, Victor escapes from prison. Cunning and manipulative, Victor has had a decade to contemplate revenge against the man who put him there— Eli. When he finds an injured 12-year-old girl on the side of the road, he discovers Eli has spent the last decade systematically murdering EOs— people with supernatural abilities. Sydney, who can raise the dead, is the one of the few to escape. 

With the help of Sydney and his former cellmate Mitch, Victor begins to enact his revenge. But it’s only a matter of time before Victor and Eli finish what they started ten years ago…

But these words people threw around— humans, monsters, heroes, villains— to Victor it was all just a matter of semantics. Someone could call themselves a hero and still walk around killing dozens. Someone else could be labeled a villain for trying to stop them. Plenty of humans were monstrous, and plenty of monsters knew how to play at being human. The difference between Victor and Eli, he suspected, wasn’t their opinion on EOs. It was their reaction to them. Eli seemed intent to slaughter them, but Victor didn’t see why a useful skill should be destroyed just because of its origin. EOs were weapons, yes, but weapons with minds and wills and bodies, things that could be bent and twisted and broken and used.

Vicious is an interesting book to reread because, while the book itself hasn’t changed, the context behind it has. When I read this back in 2016 it was a standalone novel, originally published in 2013. Now I’m rereading it specifically because there is an unexpected sequel (Vengeful, 2018), and I wanted a refresher before jumping into it. Second, maybe a more minor detail— this book is homoerotic as hell, and I remember wondering if it was intentional on a first read. Now that Schwab recently came out as gay, I’m thinking it probably was, which makes it all the more entertaining.  

It’s also interesting to see how much Schwab’s writing has changed over time. Originally, I read Vicious, enjoyed it, then decided to read her big fantasy series Shades of Magic, and… Well, let’s just say *that* ended up being one of my favorite trilogies ever. Whoops? But in many ways I feel my enjoyment of Shades of Magic overshadowed Vicious. I enjoyed this book, but honestly I kind of forgot about it even though it was the first one I read. That was another reason to revisit it; while I might not like it as much as Shades of Magic, it’s still plenty good.

Before I do a deep dive into the book, I think it’s important to discuss the structure. Vicious basically has two stories— one in the past, and one in the present. The first half mostly focuses on the past, while the second half mostly focuses on the present. “Mostly” is important here— the story is very anachronistic. This serves to heighten the drama; we learn about Victor and Eli’s past relationship, then get a glimpse of just how corrupted and different it is in the present day, and of course wonder what got them to this point. While I feel it’s easy to do time and perspective jumps poorly, the chapters themselves are pretty short, so I never felt disconnected from any particular plot thread. The pacing was always solid. If anything I found this novel pretty easy to read, because I could tackle just a few chapters at a time yet make significant progress in the story.

Vicious is, without a doubt, character-driven. People with superpowers exist— called ExtraOrdinary people (EOs)— and said powers develop in a unique way. Other than that there’s nothing super special about the setting. And aside from the interesting structure, the story is pretty standard. But the characters themselves are fascinating and by far the strongest point of the novel. The main focus is obviously on Victor and Eli, and how they serve as foils to one another. Both are arrogant and straight-up terrible people, but the way they see the world differs greatly, and that’s ultimately what separates the “hero” of the story (Victor) from the villain (Eli). Gray versus black morality, hooray!

Seeing the initial relationship between the two leads and how it sours and twists over time is quite interesting. At first Eli seems to be the most level-headed of the two, but as the story develops you learn how fanatical and unhinged he really is. Dude just straight up embraces genocide after a point. Meanwhile, Victor is clearly a vindictive and selfish dick from the get-go, yet as Eli’s true nature shows, seems much less terrible by comparison. The story is sometimes a bit on-the-nose with the whole hero vs villain thing and how the two defy usual expectations, but it is still interesting to realize you’re genuinely rooting for Victor. Despite everything he’s a pretty likable character.

Aside from Victor and Eli, there are three supporting characters who substantially affect the story. Preteen Sydney gets the most screentime, and with Mitch (Victor’s bodyguard/hacker/cellmate) serves as the humanizing part of the story. Victor even seems to sort of care for the two! Though how much of that is genuine attachment versus just finding them useful is debatable. There’s a super twisted found family vibe with the trio which starts to form near the end (they adopt an undead dog and everything!). On the antagonistic side of things, we have Serena, Sydney’s older sister, who has the power to compel others. She’s pretty terrifying, and has her own twisted motivations for helping Eli. At times she’s honestly more unsettling than he is.

One of my main complaints about Vicious when I first read it was *just* as I started to really dig the side characters, their relationships, and their developments… the novel ended. Yes, Sydney gets significant development through the story. But Mitch and Serena get shafted. We only really get to know them toward the end of the novel with backstory dumps or a handful of perspective chapters. A lot of the novel’s real estate centers on Victor and Eli’s past, and while I think that’s an integral part of the novel, it feels like something is missing. At the time I thought this novel either needed to be longer or it needed a sequel. Well, now it has one of those things, so it will be interesting to see what Vengeful does with the characters.  

Thematically and philosophically there’s some interesting stuff going on. The hero vs villain thing is the most obvious, and as I mentioned gets pretty direct at times. But one idea I found interesting to consider is what happens to the souls of ExtraOrdinary people. It’s initially stated as fact that EOs lose a part of themselves when they die and return. They’re different, changed in a way they can’t quite describe. And for most of the novel this seems to be true. Victor and Eli both become twisted, detached people, obsessed with their own perceptions of reality. The two realize they should feel or think certain things and simply… don’t. Both attribute it to the fact they died and came back “wrong”. But the more we learn about both characters, the more we realize they were pretty much like that all along. The idea that people lose something doesn’t really hold up when you examine Sydney, who turns into a stronger and more vibrant person after coming back. It’s an interesting realization, because it highlights just how wrong Eli’s actions are.

There’s also a whole deal regarding God and spirituality vs science. Eli justifies nearly everything he does in the name of God, whereas Victor is an atheist— but the extent to which this affects things is a definite gray area. There are some uncanny coincidences in the story (like Victor discovering Sydney) that would be bad writing… except the characters notice it happening. On multiple occasions Victor notes that if God or Fate exists, it seems to be siding with him, not Eli. Even the formation of ExtraOrdinary abilities is bizarre. One gets superpowers based on their final thoughts and feelings? That’s so decidedly unscientific, especially from something that starts as a science experiment, that it really sticks out to me. Is there more to this dichotomy? I guess we’ll see if the sequel explores it more.

There are some small details I really like, but I think my favorite is the blackout poetry thing. There’s just something interesting and really funny about Victor defacing his famous parents’ self-help books. He mentions it’s one of the best gifts he got in prison, and it’s also one of the first things he does when he gets out. Probably the funniest part in the whole story is an intense chase scene where Victor is trying to escape someone through an unfamiliar house. He spots a Vale book on a shelf, and pauses EVERYTHING to just grab it and throw it out the window, then returns to the scene as if nothing happened. It’s just such an unnecessary detail that might have ended up on the cutting room floor but I honestly lost my shit laughing.

The ending is also viscerally satisfying. So much stuff ties together well. While the novel is about Victor and Eli and (ultimately) Victor’s revenge, you don’t actually learn much about his plan until it happens. A lot of lines and actions read differently in context of the ending, which is always something I like in a story.

(And here’s a totally skippable aside— *is* there some connection between this series and Monsters of Verity? The latter is a young adult duology by Schwab, which I read and reviewed here and here. But the first book has an opening quote from Victor. Hell, it’s part of the quote I picked for this review. They don’t seem to be in the same universe but… maybe they are? It’s just such a goddamn weird choice to quote a “V. Vale” at the beginning of an unrelated series. Maybe Vengeful has an explanation? Maybe Schwab just really liked that whole monsters vs humans line? I have no idea.)

Anyway, yeah, that’s Vicious! It’s certainly a fun one to read. The writing is punchy and easy to get through. The conflict between Victor and Eli is very well written and compelling. And, as I mentioned, the characters are the strong point (in my opinion, anyway), so if you enjoy character-driven media I definitely recommend it. Just note my caveat about some of the character development. Skip it if you’re one of those people bothered by Bad People Doing Bad Things In Fiction or think portraying Bad People Doing Bad Things is somehow Endorsing Bad Things. If dark stories aren’t your thing you definitely won’t enjoy this one. There are some aspects of the story that I feel could have been smoother or done differently, most of which I touch on in the review. I think Schwab has improved a lot since writing it, which is one reason I’m excited that my next read is the 2018 sequel.

[otterskin8]

Thoughts on Endgame

Hey everyone else had an opinion, I thought I’d try having one too! 

Spoilers Follow

Honestly, sometimes it feels a little like everything is on fire whenever I stroll into the fandom and I’ve just got a dopey grin on my face as everyone runs around screaming. 

 I came out of the theatre having had a good time and pleased that certain things were tied off nicely for certain characters. I like the Russos fine but have wanted them to show more personal flair in their work. In this film, in particular, the second act, I thought they really did - there was a lovely, meandering quality to the film that allowed for a lot of humour and fun character beats. It was unexpected and felt like - well, Community (also nice to see those cameos, I loved that show). I really hope to see more of that quirky sense of pathos and fun in their future work. 

This ended up being more a celebration of what the MCU’s accomplished so far than necessarily a finale for all of that. It was, as I expected, mostly a goodbye to Cap and Tony. I like both characters (though I still have my frustrations with them as well), and I pretty much predicted this ending when I placed my bets in 2017 (Cap finally decides he doesn’t have to be a soldier forever and retires, as he deserves, and gets to be a man again, while Tony finally does get the family he wanted but loses it so he can be the new Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben in that franchise. We’ll see if my prediction of a JARVIS-Tony computer program comes true. Maybe Riri Williams breaks into his lab and he appears over her shoulder like Clippy. ‘I see you are trying to steal all my old schematics. Would you like some help with that?’ You heard it here first, folks.) Best of all, Nebz was even more front and centred than I hope possible. She carried the heart of the film and delivered. I loved her confusion, half-regret and grief at Thanos’ first death (such a great shot, her with his head in her arms) to her final victory over herself. I particularly appreciated the opening on her and Tony, where she gets a taste of what it’s like to actually have a caring dad. It makes Tony’s final killing of Thanos feel more right in the story - the flawed father figure who rose up and put children first above his own ambitions kills the one who always put his ambitions first. That cute triangle game Nebula and Tony played explained so much about both of them. So, so good.

I loved Professor Hulk. I wish we’d seen him come to be - he was robbed of that culmination - but I’ve never wanted to hug the guy more. I think he was a fascinating sign of the guilt Banner had. I really loved how the time jump allowed these massive changes in the characters, that they took some big risks to their recognizability. I found that very rewarding. 

The same goes for Thor. My gosh, I loved what they did. I’d bet money that Hemsworth pitched it too, this seems like an idea he’d have. Thor is, of course, my favourite Avenger. It is often painful to watch him sidelined in the Avengers films since the series’ original, more grounded flavour made him an odd player out, preferring to showcase Steve and Tony. He was the unloved member of the trilogy. The same could be said about this film, but honestly Thor is given everything I ever wanted him to deal with in this film. His trauma finally caught up with him and he can’t hide it anymore, and it’s wonderfully heartfelt and funny and sweet and subverts all those ‘paragon of manliness’ tenants Thor has represented throughout history. His strength in this film comes not from being told to ‘buck up’ by Rocket (I loved that his attempt to pep talk and slap Thor into readiness was a total failure), nor from his body, nor, even, from his own mind. Thor gets to run crying to his mum and that’s treated as the healthy and correct thing to do. A necessary thing, even. Frigga delivers the best line in the film (sorry Love You 3000, you get a solid second). 

“Everyone fails at who they’re supposed to be.” I think that hits everyone. It certainly did me. The expectations put on us all, by ourselves, our parents, the needs of our age - they are as crushing as a hammer on your chest. 

Thor is the MVP of this film aside from Nebula. He gets to show the most range, the lowest of the lows and funniest of highs, in the very same scene and often at the very same time. It’s tragicomedy at its finest, which is what I come to the MCU Thor for. The incredible vulnerability combined with excellent comedic timing made this a performance that stands out in the arc. I was also surprised to see this huge, large, film of the century took time to go back to a sadly maligned chapter in its saga - Thor: The Dark World (my problems with it are manifold but I am tired of hearing it called the ‘worst’. That is not true. I know you all forgot about it, but the Incredible Hulk is still technically in the MCU, and there are plenty of other weak chapters that don’t manage to push their characters’ stories forward at all.) Not only that, but it patched one of my main criticisms of that film - that Thor had no time with his mother and their relationship didn’t feel explored enough. And that Thor needed to cry more. I come for man tears, that was what Branagh promised me and frankly I was getting dehydrated of late. So thank you End Game, I am quenched for now. 

I’m sure this will come up in the big long thing I’m doing about the overall themes of the MCU (Dads and Legacy mostly), but this film managed to address some questions the MCU has posed in entry after entry. Thor’s journey has been shaped by his father, and his search for his father’s approval. Sometimes he was found lacking, and other times he realized he needed to abandon that approval to do the right thing, but always he was trapped in the legacy of that father - the mistakes that father had made, and what his father wanted him to become. This film suggests a wonderful alternative to Thor - that he is also his mother’s son, and her desire is for him to be himself first. Once he hears that, he’s able to call Mjölnir - a sign that he also has his father’s approval, after all. No, I do not mind that the hammer came back from the dead for a little fun - it had meaning and significance in its scenes. (Although I still don’t get what’s the big deal of Steve lifting it - it’s a bit a jerk of a hammer, have you seen the list of who else could pick that thing up? Hela, Odin, Thor. All morally gray people. ‘Worthy’ seems to be a matter of conviction, confidence, and desire to act. Not inherent goodness. Eh.) I love that Frigga, long shuffled to the back of the Thor franchise, is given such a key and beautiful moment in this monster film. I love that she gets to be mischevious, fun, hint a little more at her backstory (witches, eh?) and play psychiatrist to a son who really needs her. I always wanted more of these two, and was CONVINCED I’d never get it. I think I’ve died and gone to Valhalla. 

Are there a few lines I wish were cut? Yes, there are some unkind words I wish had been altered - they are unnecessarily cruel and reflect badly on the characters who say them (in particular WM - dude. C’mon.) Rocket’s fine, though - that’s who he is (and that behaviour is changing) and he is not rewarded for his crass treatment. It fails.  Further lessons for character development - trauma isn’t fixed with violence. Pay attention, Rabbit. There are also plenty of plot holes and weird questions. Why can the tesseract suddenly be used without a device? Doesn’t that mean Loki could’ve teleported everyone to safety in IW? Speaking of, why did Thor not try harder to communicate with Loki or steal him from another timeline? I feel like an explanation was called for. It also kinda sucks that IW ended with Thor avenging Heimdall (awesome dude, I love him a lot, but...really? That’s the death they directly reference in Thor’s big moment? I thought they’d use Heimdall there and have Loki be more at the forefront of Thor’s mind in this one, but he seems more banished from his thoughts than Thanos’ name). But eh, at the end of the day, this isn’t meant to be the ending for either Thor or his brother. That’s the best part. I get to ride this train for years to come, and hopefully many more good things are coming. (Although I’m getting bad juju from every announcement I hear about the Loki series so far, so here’s hoping I don’t look back at laugh bitterly at my past self’s optimism.) 

I do hope that when Thor’s story does eventually come to an end that it’s in his own franchise. I feel like ending Cap and Tony’s story here is big and fun and all, but the Thor films began very intimately (somehow THOR might be the smallest film Branagh ever directed) and I hope to see them end that way. And I hope that even with the Loki series doing its own thing and Thor off with the Guardians that the two will be allowed to come back together again for something meaty before the end.

This film did right by my faves, and while it’s unwieldy, lopsided and imperfect it manages to set up the fictional people I care about for interesting things. Here’s to another decade of watching these actors barely age.

P.S. I am genuinely concerned that Eternals is going to hook me. Hmm. I can only hope they don’t do the Arthurian Legends or Egyptian Mythology as well. I’ll be sunk. 

[ebonyeverstern]

Paradox (Kol)

Kol’s whole body trembled as he watched the video for the nth time. It played on the small screen of what they had called a “laptop”.

Mortals these days with their inventions.

Moving on to the video that played on the screen. It was a woman of [H/C] locks and foxy [E/C] eyes. To Kol, she was the epitome of perfection. To Kol, she was the angel to his devil. To Kol, she was the anchor to his sanity. To Kol, he was hers and she was his.

The woman began to talk, starting off with a smile. She sat on the fountain rim of the compound. 

“Mikaelsons.” 

Kol could see her shaking in spite of her efforts to seem happy.

“First off, I would like to apologize for the fact that I can’t say this to all of you personally. I’m sorry I had to put you through the trouble of learning how to use a laptop.” 

She laughed a little at her attempt to make a joke (it did happen in reality though). One couldn’t see the obvious sadness and pain that she tried to hide if they did not know her so well. 

“I’m going to skip the pleasantries, because if I don’t I swear I’ll end up giving up.”

She abruptly looked up, biting her lip.

Kol immediately recognized this habit of hers. It happened usually when she didn’t want to cry.

“Damn it, I’m not even a quarter through and I’m crying.” Her voice quivered already as she managed to control her tears and simply attempting to smile.

“Okay. Let me start properly.” She took a deep breath before releasing a shaky smile. “There was, or should I say, is a family full of beautiful people. They’re so damn beautiful it should be a crime. I’ve always wished I had some of their genes. Maybe that way I could look half as good as them.” She chuckled.

“Let’s start with the oldest one I know. Elijah.”

“Dear old noble Elijah. Always a gentleman. Always the one for manners. But underneath that noble facade was a man who could devote his soul to anyone but he himself. We never could do anything about it. But it always amazed me how Elijah kept pushing for the redemption of his family, especially Klaus. I won’t delve into the centuries.” She took another deep breath before looking at the camera with glassy eyes.

“Elijah, you are my big brother. The one I can always count on. The one with the strong shoulder if you want to cry, I. Love. You. So. Much. But please, give yourself a break for once. Let Nik go and tend to yourself first. I love that you love your... Our family, but goshdarnit we’ve been waiting for centuries for you to get a life. So now that Hayley is there, don’t let her go, aight? I’ll be watching from the other side. And if you don’t chase Hayley, I swear I’ll come back and haunt your ass until you do.” She smiled lovingly before laughing.

“Now for my hybrid brother Klaus. I love you as well.”

“First things first. I do not give you permission to slaughter anyone. Please don’t. Really. Don’t. No matter who they are, don’t. Consider it as my death wish. Please.” She begged with sincere eyes. 

“Moving on, Nik was always the most deadly one. Even when I didn’t know he was a hybrid, I could always feel this.. sort of.. feeling from him. He was also the most caring, the one with the silliest ideas,” She laughed. “I remember this one sloppy guy hit on me and groped me. Next thing I knew, Nik compelled him to dance on the table tops of the bar. That was one of the funniest memories I’ve had with him. But he was also perhaps the most sensitive.”

“Nik, I know you’re facing a lot of problems, and I’m probably out of my place to say this, but the fact that you’re watching this means I’m de–”

Kol resisted the urge to slam the laptop and throw it against the wall with all his might had it not been playing your beautiful face.

“–ad.” [Y/N] laughed it off. “So it doesn’t matter. Anyway, please try and trust your siblings and don’t ask too much of them. Even as original vampires, they’re still humans with hearts and emotions. As for you trusted ones, I won’t blame Nik if he stakes all of you if you betray him.” She simply shrugged.

“Next up.... Rebekah Mikaelson.”

“There are no words to describe how absolutely freaking perfect Rebekah is. With her golden locks and tan skin and have you seen her body? I have and it’s the embodiment of flawlessness. I won’t deny that I’ve always been jealous of Bekah and that she’s caused me to have insecurities, but I’m happy with and for her nonetheless. She is my sister and my best friend who I won’t exchange the world, the universe, anything for. Same goes for all of you.” She smiled brightly.

“For all of you men planning to hurt her, I will come back from hell and tear off your limbs one my one before dragging you to hell with me.”

“Moving on, dear Bekah, to put things simply, you are the angel of the family. You’re the most affectionate, most human, most motherly and the most flawless woman I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. Those shopping sprees you always took me on? I loved every single moment of them. Not because I come home with a lot of pretty clothes and jewelry, but because those were the times we got to bond the most without the idea of death looming over us. I love you so much.”

“Now, Hope.”

“Hey there you lil’ devil! I’m so sorry Auntie [Y/N] can’t be there for you physically, but always know that I’m there for you by heart and by spirit. Goodness, I sound like an old woman.” She laughed softly. “a few centuries has finally taken toll on me... Anyway, honey, you are the glue for the family. Even if I haven’t seen you yet, I already know you’re gonna be so amazing. It runs in your blood.” She smiled even wider and laughed even more. “One of my biggest regrets right now is the fact that I won’t be able to see you grow up into the spectacular woman you’re meant to be. For that, I’m sorry. So do your aunt a favor and bring home a hot guy alright? Don’t worry, I’m sure Hayley and Bekah will protect him.” She laughed once more.

“Speaking of Hayley, GOSH I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a brave woman aside from Bekah. She’s the type of girl who stays so selfless and courageous even through thick and thin. She’s the epitome of girl power. Hayley is a perfect role model for Hope, aside from Bekah of course. But I’m pretty sure Nik, ‘lijah and Kol wouldn’t like that.”

Kol could sense the slightest crack and pause in her voice when she mentioned his name.

“Hayley, I know that you’re involved in all the Mikaelson drama. But I do encourage you to stay. Because aside from all the awesome once-in-a-lifetime adventures you get to have, ‘lijah will be a mess if you don’t stay.” She laughed. “I’m counting on you to raise Hope well and fit to the social standards of today, ‘kay? I don’t want her being bullied just because she can’t use an Iphone.”

There was a long pause.

“Now, Kol.... Mikaelson.”

“Kol Mikaelson is....” [Y/N] couldn’t even start properly as she burst to tears immediately. She attempted to calm herself down but it only resulted to more tears.

About 2 minutes of the video were spent on [Y/N] calming herself. She ended up with red puffy eyes and a quivering smile.

“Okay. Kol Mikaelson is a hysterical psychopath. He is a playboy, the typical bad boy. The abomination.”

She took a deep shaky breath.

“Kol Mikaelson is the emodiment of imperfect perfection.”

“Kol Mikaelson was, is, and always will be the love of my life.” She took a shaky breath in. “And the most painful thing that I’m experiencing right now is knowing that I’ll have to let him go.” She cried silently in her hands, before staring at the camera with tears running down her face.

“Kol, love, I want you to know that I love you so freaking much. I love you to the stars and back times infinity. You have my heart always and forever. I can’t even bear to think about the fact that I’m never going to see you again without bawling my damn eyes out.”

“I love you so much, that I’m finally letting you go. Nothing hurts more than the idea of you leading a miserable life full of rage and rampage because of me.”

“So I’m giving you an order. After a few months, I want you to pick up a nice girl, flirt with her, and fall for her and live happily with her. I don’t think I need to tell you to make her fall for you as well. Also, be a good uncle to Hope.” She was crying more than ever.

“I’m going to be blunt. Giving you permission hurts like hell. However, like I said, nothing hurts me more than being the cause of your pain.

“So here’s my final message for you Kol. I love you so much. I love you so so much I’m willing to give you up for you to be happy. I love you so so much because you’re so handsome, hot, caring, affectionate, playful and so much more. You’re just perfectly imperfect. I love you because you’re you and there’s nothing I’d want more in the love of my life. Once again, I say it. I love you Kol Mikaelson. I love you. You are my paradox. And I love you.”

“For all of you lot, please, for me and for the sake of the world, don’t break up. You’re family, always and forever right?”

The video ended with a smile. However, there was static before showing a picture of the Mikaelsons with [Y/N] then a picture of [Y/N] with a pregnant Hayley.

"I am [Y/N] [S/N] and I am proudly a part of the Mikaelson family.”

The video ended.

Kol had his head in his hands, tears freely flowing on his face.

“I Love You.” Her words rang through his head.

He felt so much pain and sadness as he sat there. He felt so much regret. Why wasn’t he there for her? Why wasn’t he able to save her?

It had already been a few months, but he was far from emotional instability, much less emotional stability. 

However, he wanted to honor her request. So he stood up, flashed in the bathroom, splashed cold water on his face before wiping it with a towel. He took a deep breath and ran off to Davina with an aching heart.

(This is set immediately a little after Hayley is with the Mikaelsons. So basically, Kol isn’t supposed to be in town yet because.. Well... He’s dead. So basically, this is how it plays out. Reader dies during some sort of attack which I’m not revealing :P so reader actually dies before Kol is revived. When kol is revived, his first on his agenda is to go find reader but turns out reader is dead. So he watches the video over and over again (which he stole for a little while. Even so, Kol was forced to do the stuff he did with Davina because of Esther. So everything plays out as is. I’m sorry if I got the timeline wrong. But this is basically how it played out in my head)

(part 2? Anyone?)

(update: originally the the title was oxymoron but I thought that was the contradictory statement and so I concluded that paradox was the contradictory pair of words so I changed it but turns out I was right all along -.-’ )

[tinypurpleparrot]

Fanfiction Writer Asks

Fuck it, I’ll do it myself, because I know I can’t count on you nerds to actually ask anything. :p

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

I really don’t know. I’ve been writing creatively since I was like 6. I don’t really remember writing for fandom until Pokémon, but I’ve been in fandom since the original Sailor Moon and Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers.

 2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

I guess the Yogscast. Except I only really like a few of them, and it sure as shit isn’t the main channel people. I haven’t found a new obsession because I can’t sit still for tv anymore, and I’m a patient gamer/reader. So once I find something I like, it’s probably old and everyone’s already moved on.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

OCs. I am boring, shy (and thus no fun), and quite good at ruining the moment.

 4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

Action/Adventure. Fight scenes. Getting out of dire as fuck situations. Underdogs.

 5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I have so many… XP I guess a story I wrote in called Royal Infamy. It was literally hundreds of pages long, spanned at least 4 different fandoms, and could’ve been a standalone series if I just changed the names. Unfortunately it’s been lost to the ooooolllllddddd (and I mean 2001) internet. I like to think that maybe it’s on some ancient server, saved by those sorts of people who try to archive the entire internet and have literal exabytes of hoarded data. It was also how I met my SO of 13 years.

 6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

A Prince of Persia fic. I don’t even like Prince of Persia.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

I never get as much inspiration as when it’s 1am and I’m supposed to be going to bed like a normal person. But never at a normal hour in the evening unless I’m inspired at work and have to rush home before I forget.

 8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

It used to be from all the anime I used to watch, now it’s cobbled together from fantasy books and video games.

 9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Like erotic fic? Eeeh. I’m so terrible at it that I literally only have one, I’m writing it right now, I’m not finished, and I don’t particularly like it because I keep subconsciously writing away from the part where they hold hands because I’m conflicted and discomforted by the whole thing, to be honest. Like, even when I was adolescent and supposed to be thirsty as teenagers are, I just wasn’t and couldn’t. My ex tried to get me to write something for him, and I still couldn’t do it. *shrug* It doesn’t help that I’ve never been big on shipping. …Those characters sure are standing next to each other, yep.

 10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

Hahah… endings. That’s good. (Also see previous question.)

 11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not that I can recall, unless you count ‘stop doing that thing’, ‘okay’ *does it more*

 12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Rythian. Fuckin’ edgelord. Just everything about him and his OC is *kisses fingers*.

 13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Unfortunately Rythian is usually entangled with other people from the Yogscast. :p

 14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx?

Current project doesn’t even have a title, that’s how non-committed I am to it (she says even though it’s fast approaching a novelette.)

 15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

If it’s an OC of a particular universe, there’s probably a naming convention, and I go by many names. If it’s just generic freestanding story, I keysmash and pick through it until it rolls off the tongue.

 16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

Classic ‘rivals who hide their sexual tension behind their distaste for one another.’

 17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

“I haven’t seen your face since when you first came back from The End. And the … incident with trying to rid you of your curse.” He chuckled. “I’ve actually seen a lot more than your scars.”

 18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Like 75% of my work is abandonware. I have ADHD, I get bored, and I usually take so long, the fandom “dies” before I can finish. And the moment is gone.

 19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Royal Infamy. And make it mine this time.

 20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Probably Royal Infamy.

 21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Ilona Andrews. Her style is exactly what I aim for. …Okay maybe not the monster fucking, but the rest of it. Exciting, tense, a little bit scary.

 22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

The Prince of Persia fic. The first draft of the erofic. The weeb crack.

 23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Silence. My brain goes 100% towards analyzing music and then I can’t focus on anything else.

 24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Eeeeeeehhhhhh *whines* I don’t wanna…

 25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Nope. I don’t write that kind of pain.

 26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

The part where these two people who’ve tried to murder each other could even reasonably be in each other’s presence, let alone fuck. Also eternal hatred for evasive genital description brought on by a broken, puritan society.

 27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I should start making outlines. My current three projects keep going off the rails.

 28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

To go in with no expectations of people ever responding let alone giving feedback to anything. You’re just tossing shit in a hole and for every ton, one flower might grow.

 29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I did a thing about how Lalnable Hector created Echo, and *crickets*.

 30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Twenty years later, I still get emails about a fic I wrote about Birdy the Mighty (C-tier anime about a dead boy soul-sharing an intergalactic cop’s body.)

 31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

-

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Other than putting slivers of wish fulfillment in, no.

 33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Someone found a fic I wrote in two weeks in an archive over 20 years old and sent me kudos. Like, that shit should’ve been buried. But they found it.

 34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Mary Sue. And you’re goddamn right she was. And I’ll fucking do it again.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Nope, not for fear or anything, I just don’t think to share before it’s done because I’ll probably abandon it anyway.

 36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

You’ll be unsatisfied with the ending.

 37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

You fucking made me open one of my old Gundam Wing crack fics to check. Now I don’t know because I’m still cringing.

 38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

*shrug* Like… I haven’t done a collab in *checks calendar* 17 years. I don’t have any live fandoms. I’m not big on trying to meld with other people’s styles.

 39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Third.

 40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

No.

 41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

Can’t think of one. I usually don’t have minor/background characters?

 42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

…Okay, now I seriously can’t tell if xxx means erotic or a particular example. 😐 Anyway, I for some reason lost the ability to link songs to fics/personalities. I just don’t think of any particular person when I hear a song and vice-versa.

 43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

That would imply enough people cared.

 44) What is the last line you wrote?

Despite the queen pushing him, he couldn’t move even if he wanted to (which he didn’t.)

 45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

If I don’t fucking do this it’s going to bother the fuck out of me for weeks, even if I don’t finish. Just get it on paper so it goes away.

 46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

More action and intrigue.

 47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

 -

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

The antagonist finds the protagonist’s berserk button and realizes that maybe they should not have pushed it.

 49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can’t remember fics I wrote. And shit, that was at least 23 years ago. (She says even though she can perfectly remember her first fantasy novel 30 years ago. (The Gammage Cup))

 50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst. I think. I’ve gotten good feedback from my more serious stuff.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Chapter 63: Sometimes I Can’t See Myself

Rating: T Fandom: The 100 Pairing: Bellamy x Clarke Chapter: 63/66 Word Count: 3082 Words

Chapter Summary: The one where Octavia meddles again.

Also on AO3;  Start from the beginning on AO3

Clarke had the house to herself for the first time in over a week. Raven was working a night shift and Octavia was so busy planning for the senior recital that she hadn’t had any more chances to force a heart-to-heart with or about Bellamy.

All Clarke had done for the past couple weeks was think about their last conversation. It was driving her to distraction. When she sat down to try to paint or draw, nothing came out right. Even her ceramics class was turning out worse than usual and that was saying something.

To drown out the thoughts about how it might not be the end of the world if she asked Bellamy out on a date, an actual date, Clarke found an upbeat playlist on Spotify and blasted it at full volume while she put dishes away. The chore devolved into a dance routine and she bounced and twirled between cabinets and the dishwasher in her pajama shorts and an old t-shirt that she used to paint in before it got too worn out.

She grabbed a mixing bowl off the top rack and went to spin her way over to the cabinet it belonged in when a figure in the doorway made her jump. It only took a second to realize that it was Bellamy leaning against the doorframe, watching her with a small smile on his face, but her heart was still trying to beat its way out of her chest.

“Fuck, Bellamy, at least announce yourself next time.” Clarke was a little breathless. It was only partially because of the dancing.

“Don’t stop on my account,” he said, his smile growing into a grin.

She rolled her eyes. “Do you always creep up on women while they’re doing chores?”

“Only when they’re dancing.”

“Right.”

“I mean, you’re hot, so that helps, too.”

Clarke rolled her eyes again, so hard it hurt. It almost felt like old times, like maybe he was teasing her. “Smooth, Romeo.”

Bellamy pushed himself off of the doorframe and crossed the room to take the bowl away from her to set it in the cabinet. “I’m guessing there isn’t a movie night tonight?”

Clarke tilted her head, watching him take over her job of putting the dishes away. “Who told you that we were having one?”

As soon as the question was out, she knew the answer. They both said, “Octavia,” in unison.

“She wanted to have a Star Wars marathon,” he added.

“Which movies?”

“All of them, I think.”

“How in the world did she think we would have time to watch seven movies in one night?”

He shrugged and set the last plate in the cabinet. When he turned to face her, she realized she had been staring at the way his shirt lifted to expose the smallest amount of skin when he reached up to put a plate away on a high shelf; the way it fit his shoulders too well. It did things to her that she had always tried to avoid thinking about. And she wanted… she wanted a lot of things. Most of all, she didn’t want him to leave.

“What’s going on in that brain of yours, Princess?” He smiled like he knew and thought it was the funniest thing in the world. His eyes drifted down to her legs and she realized that her shirt barely skirted the hem of her shorts.

Clarke busied herself with tying the hem of the shirt into a knot at her back, trying to not think about how cute he was when his cheeks flushed like that. “We could watch the movies anyway, if you want. I haven’t seen them in way too long.”

Bellamy didn’t say anything for a moment and Clarke started to panic. Because, what if he was acting so normal around her for once because he was over it? Over her? How could she have been thinking about ways to suck it up and ask him out while he was getting over her?

“If you want, I mean,” she said to fill the silence. “I’d like to watch the original ones again, but you don’t have to stay.”

He still didn’t say anything, but he started to walk toward her and she backed away until she hit the counter. There was less than two inches of space between them. His eyes flicked down to her lips. It was barely noticeable, but Clarke was pretty sure she could hear her heart pounding.

“What are you doing, Bellamy?” she asked breathlessly.

“Making popcorn.” He tore his eyes away from hers and reached into the cabinet behind her to grab a bowl before he turned and walked toward the pantry. “We’re not going to talk about anything, but we can eat a shit-ton of popcorn so that O has to go buy more if she wants any. Payback for her trying to force a conversation, right?”

Clarke could only nod as she recovered from the sudden lack of his presence, although she did allow herself to stare at his ass a little while he started up the microwave.

Halfway through A New Hope, it almost felt like a normal night. They were on opposite ends of the couch, which wasn’t normal, but the bowl of popcorn was in between them. It was a fragile barrier, a reminder of how different things were. Things could have been easy again if Clarke couldn’t feel the underlying tension radiating between them.

Tension may have been the wrong word, but it was the only one Clarke could think of that felt adequate. There was no stiffness in either of their movements and they would occasionally throw popcorn at each other, but Clarke had to force herself not to react if their hands brushed in the popcorn bowl.

About half an hour into Empire Strikes Back, Clarke moved the mostly empty bowl to the coffee table and scooted a little closer to the middle of the couch. The way his face was lit up by the screen… well, it just looked good. And she used to lay in his lap while they watched movies. Being far away felt weird and she didn’t want things to be weird anymore. It was a step in the right direction, she hoped.

A few minutes later, he scooted a little closer to the middle and flung his arm over the back of the couch. His fingers played with a strand of her hair and Clarke leaned back into it. With that small touch, everything felt like them again. She missed the easy touching. It used to be so simple. Or maybe it hadn’t.

Clarke felt like hitting herself, because how could she not have realized years ago that they were more affectionate with each other than with anyone else. It seemed normal to her, because it was how she grew up with Wells and she snuggled with Octavia or Raven sometimes, but that was mostly after they were a little drunk. She wondered if it was why Jasper had insisted on assigned seating at movie nights, because maybe he saw the way she would rest her head against Bellamy’s knee and the way Bellamy would play with her hair. Maybe he had been rooting for them.

A part of her had known when she asked him to stay to watch the movie where things might be heading, but as his fingers danced gently along her scalp, she found that it didn’t really scare her anymore. Not as much as it did before.

They stayed that way until he got up to switch the movies. When he came back, he sat down a little closer than before and Clarke stubbornly closed the distance between them. She pulled his arm around her shoulders and he winced. She immediately felt horrible and tried to pull away.

“I’m so sorry. Are your ribs still—”

He stopped her by grabbing onto her shoulder and pulling her back into his side. “I’m okay. I just can’t move my arm that fast.”

Clarke pulled away again, but not much and turned toward him. She pulled his shirt up and touched his ribs carefully. “You don’t need them to be bandaged anymore?”

“I haven’t for a while. The doctor says I’m good. Unless, of course, you’re just trying to get my shirt off.”

Clarke felt herself start to blush, but she couldn’t hold back her grin. “I think the whole world has seen you without a shirt on plenty of times.” She let his shirt drop and met his eyes.

Bellamy reached over and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers sent shockwaves through her system. “I don’t know. You’ve only seen me with my shirt off when you were utilizing your impressive first aid skills.”

“And at the beach. And about half the hikes we’ve ever been on. And basically every time I’ve ever shown up at your place before everyone else.”

“You keeping track, Clarke?”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You wish.”

“Maybe a little.” He licked his lips and Clarke fought back a shiver.

“What if I am?” She licked her own lips and bit her lip when his gaze dropped to follow the motion.

“Clarke….” He frowned a little, as though he just realized what was happening.

She frowned, too, because she didn’t want him to frown. She didn’t want whatever was happening to stop. It was the last thing in the world she wanted so she grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and kissed him.

Their first kiss had been gentle. Their second was anything but. It was full of everything she had been holding back and her teeth dug into the back of her lips. It hurt, but she was kissing Bellamy again. The minor and temporary inconvenience of pain didn’t matter.

It caught him off guard and he didn’t respond at first. She moved her hands up to his cheeks and kissed him again. And again. The shock must have worn off with the third kiss, because his lips finally softened under hers and his hands slid around her waist. His fingers dug into the small of her back when she swung a leg over his lap to straddle him.

The way he sighed when she ran her tongue along his lower lip made her wonder why she waited so long to kiss him again.

The way he slid one hand up her side until his fingers curled into her hair at the same time his other hand gripped her hip made her head spin.

The way he bit her lower lip twisted up everything inside of her.

The way he groaned when her hips swiveled made her wonder why they were still wearing clothes.

Clarke moved away from his mouth to kiss up his neck and take his earlobe between her teeth. He whispered her name when she ran her tongue up his ear. But then his hand wasn’t in her hair anymore. It was on her shoulder as he pushed her back. She pouted when the hand on her hip moved to her other shoulder.

“Clarke,” he said, completely wrecked, “just stop for a second.”

“Bellamy… why?” She ran her fingers along his arms until she could grasp his wrists. She was breathless again. It might have been the fear of why he pulled away or it could have been the kiss. “I want this. I thought you wanted this.”

“I do. I do,” he whispered. He settled on hand against her cheek again and ran his thumb along her cheekbone. “You’re just… you’re confusing the hell out of me right now.”

“How is this confusing?” She gestured at his lap with a smile, but he didn’t take the bait.

“Things used to be like this all the—” He cut himself off when she raised an eyebrow at him and he finally laughed. “Well, not like this. But you know, we used to sit around and watch movies and you’d always be touching me. I hoped that we could just be normal today, because I’m tired of not being around you.” He swallowed hard and dropped his hands. “It feels different now. It never felt different until….”

He trailed off and she frowned again. “Until we kissed?”

“It was different before, Clarke. For me, anyway.”

He looked down at his lap and she pulled back. He didn’t stop her as she pushed off of him and settled back into her seat. Clarke folded her hands in her lap and stared down at them, trying to figure out exactly when their touches and jokes had started to mean more.

It made her think about her freshman year when things with Roma had fizzled out and he stopped bringing random hookups around. It made her think about how his relationship with Gina had just ended and he had never told her why. It made her think about what Lexa said when they broke up; how he punched Finn in the nose; how he had waited up after that date Jasper tried to set her up on a couple years back.

Maybe she had misinterpreted the motives behind everything they ever did for each other. Maybe she hadn’t. Even before she knew she had feelings for him, he was the only person she always wanted to be around, whether or not she would have admitted it. Maybe she finally understood why nothing else ever worked out for either of them. But she couldn’t figure out when her feelings had become more. Had they always been more?

Her stomach was tied in knots, because she had no idea if any of it meant what she thought it meant; what she hoped it meant. She looked back over at him and he was still staring at his hands, so she reached over and grabbed one. It was enough to get him to look up.

“When was it different?” Her voice was weak, but she needed to know.

His shoulders dropped as he sighed and turned to face her, pulling one leg up onto the couch. “Clarke, I….” He shook his head. “You don’t want to talk about this.”

“I asked!”

Bellamy studied her for a long time and she made sure she kept eye contact. After a moment, he dropped his gaze again. “You said it isn’t worth the risk. Are you really going to be able to pretend you don’t know how I feel if I say it out loud?”

Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to slow her heart down. The effort was futile, because when she looked back at him, she was immediately lost in his eyes again. “What about what I feel? Can we really pretend that we don’t know—” She cut off when a door slammed outside. “Shit.”

Bellamy let his head fall back against the couch. “Shit. Which one is that?”

Clarke grabbed the remote off of the table and turned the movie down a little bit, trying not to laugh. “You remember that your sister doesn’t own a car?”

Bellamy chuckled and Clarke stifled a giggle into her palm. “I know that. I just thought Linc—”

They both covered their mouths, almost erupting into a new wave of laughter when they heard Raven’s muffled shout outside. “Oh my god, O, are you okay?!” Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other, eyes wide They couldn’t hear Octavia’s response. “They’re going to kill you!”

“They are not going to kill me,” Octavia’s voice was clearer. “They are going to be too busy making out to kill me. You know Clarke gets weird romantic feelings about Han and Leia.”

Bellamy poked Clarke in the shoulder and she smacked his hand away. She would kill O later, even if she was right.

“Can you hear the speeder? That is clearly Return of the Jedi, so unless they took a break from making out to change the movie, you’ve been waiting out here for nothing.” The door unlocked and they jumped apart, but not as far as they would have earlier that night. “Clarke? You in here?”

“We’re in here,” Bellamy called.

Raven poked her head in cautiously. “Star Wars marathon?”

Clarke smiled. “Sorry you missed most of them. You want to finish this one with us?”

“Are you watching the next one tonight or are you going to bed after this one?”

“I’ve got to map out some more practice curriculum in the morning,” Bellamy said quickly. “I might actually head out now. Do I need to go pick up Octavia from the studio?” His question was a little too innocent and Clarke elbowed him. She didn’t even feel bad when he grunted.

“I’m already here,” Octavia yelled sulkily before she stomped up the stairs.

“I’m going to call it a night, then,” Raven said, rolling her eyes. “See you in the morning, Clarke.”

“Night, Raven,” Clarke said.

When they heard both bedroom doors close, Clarke turned back to Bellamy and put a hand on his shoulder. “I know I didn’t want to talk before,” she whispered, “but maybe we can meet for coffee tomorrow?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, but couldn’t hold in a grin. “What time?”

“Ten-thirty?”

Bellamy nodded and stood. Clarke watched him walk toward the door, trying to force down the nerves that threatened to overwhelm all of the good things she was feeling. She knew what she wanted. She still wasn’t quite sure, but she thought she knew what he wanted, too.

He paused at the doorway and turned back. “Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

He smiled. It was a small, sweet smile, and it made her want to kiss him again. “It’s been three years.”

Clarke’s eyes went wide and he left before she could think of a response. Even though she was alone, she could feel her face heating up and she covered it with her hands. It took a long time for her to feel like she could try to go to sleep. She was more distracted by his semi-confession than she was by the lingering memory of their kisses.

But she needed to sleep, because she was going to see Bellamy in the morning. For a moment, she was tempted to wake up Raven and ask her what she should wear. Only for a moment, though, because if things went the way Clarke hoped they would, she wanted to keep it to herself for a while.

[recentanimenews]

Why Eggman Is the Only Good Thing to Come out of Sonic X

  There’s a saying that all great heroes need a great villain, and in the case of Sonic the Hedgehog, that really couldn’t be any more true; after all, where would SEGA’s iconic mascot be without his equally great villain, Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik? While everyone is hopping on the Jim Carey train thanks to the new live-action movie, we figured now was a great time to remind everyone of the one true shining Chaos Emerald of the Sonic X anime: Eggman himself! That’s right, the rotund and robust professor of pain is, really, the only thing Sonic X did that’s worth remembering. So, for this momentous movie event, we figured there’s no better way to honor the legacy of Eggman than to talk about why he single handedly made Sonic X worth watching.  

Chances are that if you grew up in the US sometime between the '90s and '10s, you watched a lot of your anime on TV during your childhood. For many anime fans, that meant healthy doses of WB and 4Kids inspired treatments of shows, and Sonic always featured prominently in those Saturday morning blocks somewhere. But the first real Sonic anime to hit American television, Sonic X, took a departure from the Archie comics inspired weirdness of previous Sonic cartoons to present a modern, updated, post-Sonic Adventure 2 vision of Sonic: Sonic X! And boy, was it not very good! 

Now, we get it, we aren’t trying to assassinate your childhood or anything; we thought the show was kinda fun too when we were younger. But looking back on it, the weird story of Sonic and company being transported to Earth and living with a generic, no-name character and his weirdo family certainly wasn’t the type of Sonic storylines we expected to be seeing (although the opening song was pretty legendary). Even worse, the show tried to balance the absolutely bloated cast of Sonic Adventure, including appearances by Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, Rouge, Amy Rose, Cream the Bunny, Big the Cat, and even the Chaotix team for some reason. But the true star that made the show entertaining was the good doctor himself, Eggman! Without Eggman, the show was frankly boring and pretty flat, with storylines like Sonic trying to beat a racecar driver (which we all knew he could do anyway, right?!). No, Sonic X owes all of its greatest moments to Eggman: blowing up the moon and making a new, better moon, awakening Shadow, and even defeating the intergalactic horror of the Metarex were all only possible because of the ingenious skills inside that beautiful brain.

And, yes, Eggman is the villain of a kids show; most of his plans aren’t very complicated or evil, but they propelled the entire plot of the series in most cases; heck, he even draws his own money while pretending to be President instead of doing anything really evil or creative with the idea. But without Eggman’s schemes, most of the first two seasons go absolutely nowhere, and it’s only due to his determination to defeat Sonic and take over the world that Shadow is even discovered in the first place.

But perhaps Eggman’s greatest single accomplishment in Sonic X is the story of how he blew up the moon. Yes, you read that correctly: the sphere in the sky responsible for controlling tidal flow and other things was “accidentally” destroyed by the great doctor; we know, he probably didn’t mean to cause any real harm. After all, he invented a NEW moon to take its place! What a great guy!

The moon saga of Sonic X remains one of the funniest memories of the entire series (and, personally, the main reason I even remember the show at all). It features all of the general ridiculous ideas you might expect in a Saturday morning cartoon, with the cast acting almost entirely out of character, save for Eggman, who of course is working a long con of helping the people of Earth after he LITERALLY BLEW UP THEIR MOON ON PURPOSE by selling “sunshine balls,” and when Sonic catches on that this plan isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, gets the President of “a country” to agree to take martial action against Sonic.

Honestly, rewatching it, the entire sequence feels like it’s borrowing cues from the conclusion of Devilman, with the main cast being harassed and swarmed by angry mobs of random people, lusting for the blood of Sonic, while Eggman simply reclines and bides his time before finally gagging the President and… drawing money with his own face on it. That’s it. That’s his final, real idea for this caper. Assuming that he’ll become the next President once Sonic is dead and the world is at his fingertips, Eggman simply ties up the current President and… doodles fake money, before, of course, Sonic comes and ruins everything by saving the day. Nerd.

Almost every story in Sonic X works in this fashion when Eggman is involved, and the 70+ episode-long series really owes it to him for carrying all of the weight of the show on his back. The Earth-based storylines, like the race car driver and other goofy things, are barely even worth watching, let alone remembering, and it isn’t until Eggman makes some sort of appearance on screen that anyone should even care about the show. Eggman is reverse Poochy: everyone should be asking where Eggman is at all times, but unironically.

In the climactic ending of the third season, Super Sonic and Super Shadow can’t even defeat the Metarex without Eggman’s help, and literally no other character is in any way more useful than the doctor that they’ve all been negging on for the entire series. Shows how grateful they really are! Frankly, this type of villain reversal was always a common, but fun, trope in Saturday morning TV fair, and Sonic X really nailed it by taking advantage of how awesome Eggman really was in order to pull it off effectively.

Honestly, maybe that’s what makes Eggman so great in general as far as a villain and a character is concerned. Although his plans usually amount to being totally ridiculous (seriously, just… going to turn animals into robots? That’s your big plan?), when Sonic series media wants things done or explained, it generally falls to Eggman to do it. Shadow? Eggman. Chaos? Eggman. Chaos Control? Also Eggman. The entire point of Sonic in any game, comic, show or movie has no momentum unless Eggman appears to push things along and get the blue rat to lace up his sneakers.

Even the final episode of Sonic X requires Eggman to intervene in order to send original character and human protagonist, Chris, back to Earth, because no one else is smart enough to get the dimensional machine working again. Without Eggman, Chris would have just been stuck in Sonic’s world as a 12 year old forever, but you didn’t hear Eggman begging to be thanked for all of his hard work! Instead, Eggman simply takes it all in stride, claiming that Chris makes Sonic too strong, and sends him home. What a secret softie!

As Sonic’s movie hits theaters and people start to fondly reminisce on what they loved the most about the franchise, we hope that this little PSA has reminded you of what’s truly important: that Sonic X was a pretty whatever show with one of the best characters of all time: Dr. Eggman! Doctor, we salute you in all that you do!  

Are you an Eggman fan? Did Eggman write this? Let us know what you think in the comments!

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By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to The Good Place: “Existential Crisis”

Sad-Old-Party-Dude Recklessness

The Setup: Find our previous reactions to season 2 of The Good Place here.

All still images in this post are originally from @nocontextgoodplace.

KRIS:

A day may come when those of us who aren't Adam can venture predictions about where the season is going without embarrassing ourselves, but it is not this day. After the premiere, I wrote: "Existentialism could be a fruitful place to go, and isn’t a massive leap in specialization for an ethicist, especially one who’s established as liking French philosophy. But most people too quickly and too easily conflate existentialism with nihilism, and that is definitely not Schur territory."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Okay no but seriously, this week's episode is indeed called "Existential Crisis," and while it remains true that nihilism is not part of the Fremulon ethos, I underestimated everyone involved. Sometime after that reaction, I learned from a Michael Schur interview that the writers have regular Skype lectures from a couple of philosophy professors, which frankly is more intellectual dedication than I expect from most humans, much less extremely busy TV-producing ones. Having learned that, it no longer surprises me that the writers understand that acknowledging absurdity (in the parlance of some French existentialists) or "the nothing" (as a Heideggerian might put it) is just the beginning of existentialism. But it does still surprise me a little that they trust a broadcast audience to take this seriously. Probably that says more about me than about them.

ANYWAY, in Chapter 18, faced with Michael's apathy about human ethics, Chidi guesses that being an immortal among immortals makes consequences for one's actions seem, well, inconsequential. Given enough time, guilt fades, and so does pain. For Chidi, confronting the inevitability of death is a necessary prerequisite for the study of ethics (I don't think this is a premise all ethicists necessarily subscribe to, but it does make sense for a scholar of French philosophy to think this), so he asks if Michael can die. We learn again about The Eternal Shriek, but this time Michael's not performing, and for apparently the first time ever he considers the possibility of this really happening to him. This being a comedy, Chidi's plan succeeds too well, and Michael entirely loses his shit, appropriately becoming a living version of The Scream, and proceeding straight from existential crisis to midlife crisis, as Eleanor puts it. He changes his clothes and hair, asks Janet to play-act as ditzy arm-candy Jeanette, gets drunk (or whatever the demon equivalent is), and in his sad-old-party-dude recklessness nearly ruins the ruse with Vicky. 

Michael is where most college freshmen first encountering existentialism are: If everything dies, nothing matters! Fuck it! I speak from experience, but also this is where most people encountering existentialism outside of a classroom (where they're forced to read further) stop, whether they then prematurely dismiss all of existentialism or childishly embrace this stage. Here, it's up to Eleanor -- and Kristen Bell playing in a somewhat more melancholy register than usual -- to confront her memories of her father's death, and talk Michael down from self-destruction (and Team Cockroach-destruction). Sad things happen a lot, so most humans are always carrying around at least a little bit of Sad. But they deal. Michael observes that this sucks, but he gets it together and recommits to the long-term plan of self-improvement.

Meanwhile, chez Tahani: "I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So, I simply did myself." And with that I'll hand it off to the rest of you.

MIRI:

I focused all of my humanities and social sciences credits in undergrad on my English major and anther minor, so I’m pretty damn unequipped to respond to the particulars of philosophy going on here, but I will say that I’m continually impressed by the writers’ ability to make it engaging, understandable to the lay audience, and (presumably) satisfying to those who have genuinely studied philosophy. It’s a very impressive line to walk and the fact that they do it while also being one of the funniest shows on television should be celebrated. (I can offer a tight five on how annoying Jaques Derrida is if we ever veer towards deconstructionism? Semiotics in general I can probably sting together a semi intelligent response.)

The “all human beings are a little bit sad always” argument feels partially like a return to my favorite line of season 1, which makes me very, very happy. When discussing the many fro yo spots in town, Michael (fake)marvels over that human trait of “Taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.” While Michael the character may have been playing us all and probably meant it as an insult underneath the Good Place exterior, I think Michael Schur the creator meant it. (I WILL NEVER BE OVER THE NAME THING OH MY GOD HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT?!) And I don’t think he meant it as an entirely bad thing. 

Sometimes we decide that a lot of something very good is what we want more than a little of something amazing. We don’t know how to not be sad, so we learn to be happy while also being sad. We’re loud and messy and we get in our own ways, but we figure out how to make that work and we live our lives. We’ve talked about the inherent hope/optimism in Fremulon shows, and this is very much the Good Place version of that: people are deeply flawed, but they can still be good too. People can make stupid decisions and still enjoy them. Being perfect may not be an option, but it was never the goal anyway.

And to totally pivot away from that, I guess I’ll be the frat bro in this equation and say yes, Tahani did herself, and she did Jason too! Whaaaaat. (I’m not even sorry.) I don’t know if I’m interested in a Jason/Tahani romance. Of course, that may not be what they’re doing at all! Either way, a Jason/Tahani friendship does interest me a lot. Anyone else?

ADAM:

I don't have much to say about this episode, but I was fully entertained by it. Michael's midlife crisis is how I picture/hope Sam Malone is acting today (CHEERS fans will know what I'm talking about). 

Once again, I'm glad Tahani is getting some room to play. I would say that with this misstep that she experienced with her party, she learns how to throw a better party in the future. Also, I guess they are going to have a possible will they won't they with her and Jason. Will they be this show’s Andy and April, or Santiago and Peralta? We know that there will eventually a Chidi and Eleanor romance, but the Tahani and Jason coupling makes sense as a bit of an appetizer to the eventual main course that is the love between Eleanor and Chidi. 

I'm curious to know what everyone thought about all the "smart" insight this episode came from Jason and Eleanor, the two people who don't really get (nor care) other people's feelings. It just goes to show that you don't have to be all book smart, nor a do-gooder to be the best person to understand someone's plight. I guess this rings back to Miri's point, maybe? I feel like I just rambled on that one. 

KRIS:

Apparently Schur gets the "Did you name Michael after yourself" question a lot, but he says in that aforementioned interview that he came up with the name when he visited a cathedral and was struck by a rendering of Michael the archangel.

I like the idea of a Jason-Tahani friendship if that's what ends up happening, but I feel like I'll in principle be a little annoyed if all four of the human characters end up romantically paired. Someday I'm going to have to unpack why I'm reflexively skeptical of romances. Part of it is that I don't like the idea of them taking up a lot of real estate in stories that are primarily about something else. (I'm not annoyed with couples who enter a story as couples.) And/or maybe it's just that I'm used to movie ones being unconvincing? That's probably a lot of it; there was a post in our Tumblr feed a little while ago where someone said they realized they didn't object to romances per se, but to paint-by-numbers "romances" that are really just "guy wins girl-as-prize," which makes sense. But I also think that having series regs end up with romances with each other runs the risk of making the world feel weirdly small. 

Then again, basically everyone who came into B99 single has had a significant romantic subplot, and I stopped objecting to it a long time ago.

What's interesting about Jason making Tahani feel better is that it comes from his seeing her the way she's always wanted the world to see her -- effortlessly amazing -- when he's not even the one she's trying to impress. He's also been liberated from the burden of having to hide his identity, which was where their conflict came from last season; I don't know that I've ever thought of Jason as being particularly uncaring. 

Even as the story has leaned more on Michael/Danson, I'm glad that Eleanor has still made most of the choices that matter. I think her agency as a protagonist is the main consideration in giving her the insight that pulls Michael from the brink, but on a character level there's something to consider about how most of Chidi's problems in life were self-inflicted and largely unresolved, whereas Eleanor had a rough childhood that she overcame, if incompletely. Chidi may understand the problem better intellectually and have to point it out for her, but Eleanor's in a better position to know how that problem feels.

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