#I just think it would be funny for Selena to be like no I don’t have kids. I do have younger siblings.

[biteytiefling]

dc x dp prompt so I’ve seen some cat thief, Danny au’s and some neko au’s and ghost adoption au’s but I haven’t seen any where Selena Kyle is ghost adopted as well

So Selena stole a magic artifact dedicated to a cat god ( this particular cat god was also a god of thieves, outcasts, and mischief )but there was an accident and unbeknownst to Selena she became a halfa and was immediately adopted by the cat god that unfortunately couldn’t communicate with her without her getting in touch with her powers that had yet to show up. That same cat god later found the Dannys and adopted them as well this does affect their appearance they turn into neko’s. Jazz gets adopted later to and gets turned into a warlock of the cat god and gets turned into a neko as a result of the adoption/pact ( they can hide the cat features but they come out when they use there powers )

Anyway a couple years later after a disagreement with Bruce she finds a bunch of nekos in her living room claiming to be her younger siblings and they want to learn everything about being the worlds greatest thief and they want to teach her about her abilities? And some mess with the government and ………oh they are on the run from the government because they aren’t classified as people and the justice league has ignored them and an entire town……. oh it’s time for some serious pettiness

Danny, elly, Dan and jazz are all sent to Gotham to meet their adopted oldest sister and learn to cause trouble and mischief all thoroughly done with the us government they are going to be terrorizing until the justice league gets their stuff together and fixes the anti-ecto acts 

So amity park can freely come and go from the realms but they choose to stay and just visit and cause chaos in there old home world and are more than willing to help mess with the justice league for fun just so long as nobody gets too hurt and the amity parker’s will actually help the heroes if it entertains them/ if needed 

[grapejuicestyless]

conrad and fem!reader were bestfriends growing up but they were always in love. (reader is a conklin) they were both in love but they were both so oblivious to each others love (Susannah always knew hehe) I was thinking this could be inspired by ‘back to you’ by selena gomez

basically when susannah dies conrad lashes out on yn and says like the worst thing you can think of but then tries to kiss her and yn is so freaked out that they don’t see each other for years. After yn finishes college everyone reunites at the summer house and Conrad and yn finally realize what’s been right in front of them.

i know this is a lot but your writing is so beautiful especially with Conrad. thank u <3 🙏🏻

Back To You

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Angst to fluff

Summery: The request above^^^ I tried to stay as close to what was requested I hope this is okay! <3

The waves hit the wooden poles underneath our feet in a soft pattern. The thrashing of them shaking the dock just enough that you could feel it rocking. It was calming, breaking the silence that settled between my oldest son and I. Conrad had been off all spring, part of me connected it to his old ex girlfriend breaking it off with him, but that was just what I told myself because the thought that Conrad knew what was going on, something I swore I would keep hidden until it had to be know, made me sick with guilt. How my condition was weighing him down.

I took him out to the old dock just for one on one time. He used to love it out here at night. The way the stars illuminated the sky in their different patterns, the way even with them shifting, the constellations always found their way to stick together in the sky for a few weeks at a time. He loved the feeling of the damp wooden bench beneath his legs and how close we could cuddle up out here. He always loved it just being us.

“What’s going on, Connie?” My words were soft, in no way pushing him to open up any fresh wounds. He seemed wound up, his light dampened. I wanted to figure it out, I wanted to help him. The Conklin’s would be down here by morning and I worried that if left unresolved, it could bubble into a mess.

“Hm?” He acted confused, completely unaware to what I meant. I knew my son better than that though. He was always far too smart to play dumb.

“What’s got you down?” I put on my best smile, trying to squint my eyes to make them as welcoming as I could. My Conrad was never the most open with his feelings. He hated to be vulnerable. He told me once when he was younger that he felt if he was ever truly honest, the words would never be able to have been taken back. By saying things he didn’t say, by pushing people away, it gave him a good distance to build up the courage to make amends again. It gave him the time to choose when he was ready to open up his heart to whoever he wanted. He was always so conscious with things like that. Always thinking things through before doing them. It was funny how much a contrast he was with his feelings compared to Jeremiah. My spontaneous son who had no fears about regretting anything. Using his charm to get his way through life.

Laurel once joked that she believed Conrad’s eyes were so much darker because they held much more fear than Jeremiah’s. He was consumed by it. At the time we laughed, but now I was beginning to believe she was right. Here I was, preparing for a death nobody knew was coming and still, after nearly two decades of fighting and loving, I still was stuck at that distant arms length Conrad held me at.

He ignored the question, looking out to the sky. He knew he could’ve lied to me, could’ve made up something about his old heartbreak. How he was stressed with school. Anything to at least let me be able to give my support, even if it wasn’t in the areas he needed it. Conrad knew me like I knew him, though. Bound not only by blood but by love. There was no great excuse he could make that I wouldn’t pick up on. Mothers know everything, it’s our job.

My hands shook, partly from the cold and half from the disease working it’s way into my system. He shuttered sun my fingers wrapped around his, lips pressing to the back of his hand and my thumb smoothing over his skin to keep it stuck there.

“You don’t have to go through this alone, okay? When you feel like you need to say something, you don’t have to overthink it with me, okay? I’m your mom. I’ll love you no matter what’s going on in that mind of yours.” I saw the way his mouth twitched upward, a faltering smile so weak it was barely there. His eyes shinned in the moonlight, illuminated by the stars and the fireflies zipping by.

“Thank you, Mom.” He was honest then. I knew it by the way he said it. Like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He didn’t avoid my gaze, but held it firmly.

He crashed into me like one of the gentle waves into the dock. Arms wrapping around me in the biggest hug he’d given all year to me. His fingers dug into the back of my blouse, holding onto me for dead life in a way. He seemed desperate to be close to me.

A deep sigh left his nose, tickling the skin on my neck and down my back. I almost laughed at the feeling, but held it in to prolong the moment we were sharing. Soon, we would both be leaving whether we liked it or not, it was certain. I hoped that in the attempt to have one last perfect summer, Conrad and I could become closer. That we could all find a sense of happiness.

That sense came a few hours later. A wish being fulfilled without any extra begging. By now the moon was long gone, hiding beneath the horizon, the birds alive and singing. The children playing on nearby beaches and the whooshing of speeding cars passing the driveway.

Each part of the home was set up in the way I had hand picked it to be. My favorite flowers resting on the mantle and a bowl of the freshest fruits in the center of the kitchen countertops. The air was clean and crisp, blowing through the cracked window over the sink. It was cooling and refreshing, the outsides sounds seeping into the calm quiet of the house.

“They’re here!” My youngest shouted, heavy elephant feet stampeding down the stairs in pure excitement. I felt my own feet pick up from under me to jog outside. Summer was beginning.

The familiar silver car sat parked out by the bushes in the front, the engine still cooling and the sound of the car shutting off echoing through the area. The wheels moved from side to side, leaning closer to the ground to help give as the four missing pieces of Cousins announced their arrival.

Steven was the first to let his presence be known. His long, scrawny body stretching up after a long drive, an exaggerated groan becoming dragged out to truly emphasize how long their trip was. Jeremiah barely let him step away from the car before they were messing around, his arms wrapped around Steven in a welcoming hold. Their catching up was loud and joyful, jokes spewing off of their tongues without any extra effort.

Belly and Laurel came next, piling out of opposite sides of the car. Belly had occupied the passengers seat and Laurel the back right one. Both skipped the long stretch and made their way closer to their respected friends.

It was when Belly started making her way over to Jeremiah and Steven, giving an excited wave that I saw just how much she had changed. Her hair was longer, straighter. It fell just below her chest, shiny and thick. Her eyes seemed to sparkle brighter than last summer and her teeth had finally straightened enough to ditch the braces. It seemed like she was the center of attention for everyone because of these changes. Jeremiah swooning, hearts of eyes and Steven choosing to react in pure disgust, their playful teasing died down behind Laurels approaching voice.

“This has been a long time coming.” She sighed contently, arms already wrapping around me, feet in lifting from side to side to away smoothly. My hands rubbed along her back. She pulled away after a moment, observing the area, watching our kids. I saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion, almost like she was sad. I knew what it was.

Even in all this happiness, in all the reuniting and teasing, two very vital people remained missing. Y/n and Conrad.

While Belly and Jeremiah had an unbreakable bond that could carry any room, it never was really complete without Conrad and Y/n. To put it simply, even if Belly and Jeremiah were as great as they could be, Conrad and Y/n were the blueprint. They were the glue. No summer was truly starting until they were doing something irresponsible or stupid. One of them in a coughing fit, the other laughing themselves into one.

My lips drew themselves into a tight lipped smile, eyes finding the sky above. I swallowed. The words were in the tip of my tongue, the confession about what was happening with Conrad. What I believed was happening. I was getting ready to spill my guts about why Conrad wasn’t rushing out here. How he had been off all summer, and it was like he could hear me.

“Conrad!” The car door swung open so fast, I thought it might’ve snapped off with the force of it. It shook the car, slamming even harder than it had opened. The voice, still as sweet as I remember it being, belonged to Y/n.

She looked exasperated, hair a mess, cheeks flushed. Like she’d just woken up from a messy sleep. Her lips were bitten raw, and her shirt hung off her shoulder, unlike Belly’s that fit perfectly. But she was a ray of sunshine. She glowed like the brightest star in the sky. Her smile was infectious, spreading onto my best friend and I’s faces subconsciously. She truly captured the essence of pure happiness, the one I wanted so badly to feel this summer.

Heavy footsteps grew louder and louder behind me until a gust of wind was passed, the footsteps meeting their owner. Conrad, the moody, hurting boy who was completely shut away just hours ago was now running into the arms of his best friend. Of the girl he loved most.

They connected in the middle, the force of it making Y/n squeak. It didn’t stop them from tangling themselves up like they always seemed to do, Conrad’s back bent backwards and Y/n’s feet of the ground. They spun in circles, laughing the entire time. Even being limited to short glances at Conrad’s face while they spun, I could see the light in his face returning. The way his cheeks turned pinker and his eye bags seemed to get less heavy. He would never admit it, but it looked like he had gotten ready for her arrival. He no longer wore a plain grey zip up and old stained sweatpants. He wore Y/n’s favorite blue shirt he owned and matching shorts. She claimed he looked his best in that shirt because it fit him so well. Not too tight, but not too loose. He looked out together enough to go anywhere, but could remain comfortable. She’d even gone so far last summer to say it made him look handsome, something she confessed while drunk, clinging into her best friend and giggling under her breath.

I knew Conrad would never admit he chose the shirt just because he remembered that specific moment, but it was fairly obvious. At least to me. He always had the ability to pinpoint specific events, precise moments that involved something Y/n had done or said. He knew what she hated and what she loved. He put in more effort to make her see him than anyone else I’d ever known. It was endearing to see how much he cared for her.

More than that, it was like a storm had passed, Conrad’s grumpy attitude dissolving into one of pure sunshine and playfulness. He held no fear with her. Everything he did, everything he said, he knew it could be said with confidence. She was the one thing in this world he never felt ashamed to say what he needed to around. The only thing he never shared, his feelings. How he was so in love with her, his summers became dedicated solely to seeing her every second he could.

Secret sleepovers, long bonfire nights and early mornings on the beach. There was not more than a few hours that they weren’t together everyday. It was disappointing to see how he couldn’t share that, as Y/n so clearly felt the same for him.

Her eyes always looking for his face in a crowded room, her hands reaching out to feel he was there constantly. She needed him in more ways anyone could ever need a friend, she showed it, but they somehow always managed to shut down these feelings behind their insecurities of being wrong.

Jeremiah didn’t even get a chance to make his way over to talk with Y/n before she was being led away by his older brother, feet struggling to keep up behind him while he dragged her into the house. The thumping of their feet hitting the stairs sounded through the front door, their laughter and yelling echoing down the hall until his door slammed to a shut. I couldn’t help but laugh, Laurels own giggles stifled underneath mine. It was so obvious how much they cared for each other, yet so frustrating that they never acted on it.

The two of them always chased and chased, no aware that they were both aiming for the same thing. It was sweet to see puppy love like that. One so pure that they couldn’t even admit the feelings they so strongly felt for each other. Something they’d held since childhood, living in complete oblivion since.

The sun was high in the sky, a bright burning ball sizzling it’s mark into all of our skin. I could practically see Conrad’s shoulders peeling beneath its strong rays already. I had warned him to put on a rash guard, knowing he wouldn’t reapply. But he was so excited to catch up to Y/n, my words fell deaf on his ears. She was already out in the water with Belly and Steven, splashing around, laughter echoing as she grabbed what looked like mounds of wet sand from the bottom of the ocean to cover Belly with.

“Connie, you’re going to regret it later.” I had said, all to familiar with the distant sounds of his whining in the middle of the night. Conrad’s back sore and the aloe vera sticking to the warm sheets. But in that moment, the cringe worthy memory seemed to slip his mind as nothing was more important than getting to Y/n. He waved me off, promising to be careful but not really meaning it.

They were out there for hours that day. The waves were calm and the seaweed was relatively clear. The two of them, Y/n and Conrad, spent the perfect conditions submerged so deep into the water that when they reached land again, they complained how their legs felt like jelly. Conrads shoulders were bright red, torched by the beach day. I could see how they ached, just like I had said they would. Y/n’s cheeks and forehead were tinted a harsh red but she seemed completely unaware. Unbothered.

Conrad had pointed out how she had freckles on her face she didn’t have before. It was obvious how he thought she was beautiful, even then. I guess looking back on that memory, it was more clear that even at such a childish age, Conrad somehow always managed to pay the most attention to Y/n. Always the most observant of her tiniest details and mannerisms. Things he hadn’t even thought about in the others.

I didn’t let them sleep upstairs that night. I made sure to proclaim my love to them, but made it known I cherished my sleep more. Really, it was their own fault. Conrad had been warned to take precautions and those were blatantly ignored by the both of them.

I remember this day not because of how great the morning was, the summer breeze blowing in all its glory, but because of how the night had turned out to be.

The clocks hands were just passing the point that separated the late night and early morning. My blankets I had left for the kids spread across the large couch. The blankets were sticking to Conrads back and the aloe was rubbing off with each movement he made. I knew he was trying to muffle his whines, not wanting to be a bother, not wanting to wake his tired mother. I still heard it, and the rolling around became constant listening to the faint complaints from downstairs. It felt impossible to settle down at the time for Conrad, the soft melodic ticking of the kitchen clock only a reminder to how late the night was growing. Of how much time he had left before he was expected to be up and enjoying the day again. I remember feeling hopeless for him, he felt like crying.

It was the soft touch of fingers curling over his biceps carefully that pulled him from his descent into madness and silenced his cries. If it were anyone else, the sudden feeling of skin on skin would’ve scared him, sent him running upstairs into my arms like always. But the sensation was one he knew well. That and the shiny blue nail polish on her nails.

“Conrad, what’s wrong?” Her voice was soft, worrisome. It almost made him feel insecure, stupid in how he was getting ready to enter fourth grade and still couldn’t get over the ache of a stupid sunburn. Conrad should’ve felt pathetic, in his eyes. If it were Belly, or Steven or even Jere, he probably would’ve. But this was Y/n. His best friend! He knew he had nothing to be embarrassed about with her, she would never judge him.

“Is it your sunburn again?” She knew the answer, but always wanted to make sure. All it took was the slow nod of his head for her to lift herself off of the makeshift bed she’d made on the couch, the soft padding of her sock clad feet becoming more distant the farther she went into the house. In that moment, he felt confused, wondering if she was leaving him too. If his whining was even too much for her.

But, no. She came back with more aloe vera. A new bottle from the very back of the fridge. Conrad remembered how gentle she was when putting it on his back for him. It was feathery light, pressure changing depending on how severe the burn was. Even at such a young age, Y/n knew just what Conrad needed to make him feel better. It was like her sixth sense. Conrad had told me that morning, his heart couldn’t help but warm at that idea. That she had a special power just for him. He described it like waking up from a hazy dream.

A realization dawning on him after it had been forming for years. Y/n wasn’t just some girl Conrad enjoyed spending all my time with because she was simply just his best friend, but because deep down he loved her more than that. He knew he always felt something for her. Even when we were toddlers. The way she always shared with him, stuck by his side. At the time, Conrad acted annoyed by her presence, but he always secretly loved having her so close. He babbled about it in his sleep. He would slur how he felt safer, warmer, happier. Even his dumb little fourth grade self could see that those feelings weren’t ones someone had for a best friend. Those were feelings reserved for someone you loved. He knew then that he had always loved Y/n, now was just the first time he confronted those feelings.

When the sun rose, I was met with a goopy mess spilling all over the coffee table and a shiny back and Y/n’s wet hand. I could put the pieces together, but back then, Conrad made sure I didn’t have to.

That morning, while Y/n showered to get ready for the day, he went into depth about what had happened that led to the mess. How he felt, what was happening. At the time, I believed it was merely a small crush that he amounted to true love because he had never felt love before, but the longer I observed the pair, the more obvious it became that my little boy was in love with his best friend.

For Y/n, the day of realization came much later.

I remember the day clearly. Laurel and I had been insisting on a much needed a girls day, folding twenties into Conrad and Y/n’s palms and placing them in charge of the younger siblings of the bunch. Conrad being the oldest Fisher and Y/n the eldest Conklin, it wasn’t unusual that we would place our trust in them, tasking them with the job of keeping everyone in check for a day.

They’d decided to go to the boardwalk, the day too beautiful to not enjoy it. When arriving, the group had agreed to split up and conquer. Conrad would take Belly to the ring toss and Y/n would take Jeremiah and Steven to the go-karts. Everyone would meet back up in two hours for ice-cream and swap groups.

Y/n spent nearly all her money that day on those stupid go-karts. She’d only ridden them once, but Jeremiah and Steven kept begging to go again, again and again. Y/n was always such a softy, despite her confident exterior. Especially when it came to her younger friends. She couldn’t say no to them, they were just too convincing. When they met back up as a group, she complained, having a headache from the loud engines of the ride. She had eight dollars left in her pocket. Conrad had a large smile on his face and a polar bear named, Junior Mint, held loosely in his arms that he’d won after Belly begged him for it.

The looks on their faces made Y/n jealous, in a way. A feeling she knew shouldn’t be feeling when the situation involved her sister and her best friend. Two people she adored more than life itself. But Y/n, no matter how compassionate and understanding as she might be, like the rest of us, can’t control how we feel. We can only control how we reflect them.

“You have fun on the go-karts?” Conrad, who had somehow sensed her bad mood, had made race car sounds with his mouth, holding his arms out in front of him like he was turning a steering wheel in an attempt to lift it. Y/n’s hand hit his chest playfully, feet dragging along the wooden floor beneath their feet.

“The most.” She lied to him then, she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because she didn’t want him to feel bad for leaving her alone. She wanted him to be able to enjoy his day without having to worry about someone else.

When the time came to pay for their ice cream, it became apparent that the left over eight dollars would not be enough for three of the ice creams. Jeremiah and Steven insisted on getting the largest sizes possible, resulting in a grand total of almost the entire budget. Even if Y/n got a kiddy cup, she wouldn’t have enough to spend for a third cup.

Holding the money in her hands and looking back at the excited boys behind her, Y/n felt responsible to keep them that way. Happy. After all, she was the oldest. It was her job to look after them. To put their happiness above her own. She spent all her money on what they wanted that day, walking over to the table they’d picked over in the shade empty handed, disappointed in the lack of a cold treat to snack on after a long day.

Everyone was sat across from her, the table full of everyone except Conrad, who was ordering for him and Belly. Y/n’s hands became the most interesting thing to her for a brief period of time. The peeling paint on the table a good distraction from her two friends stuffing their faces with something she so desperately wanted.

“One vanilla ice cream cone for Belly!” She heard Conrad’s voice before I saw him. Her younger sisters eyes practically formed into hearts when he placed the dessert in front of her. He continued to announce the order.

“One mint chip for me and…” Conrad slipped a cup of mint chip ice cream in front of her next, the spoon lime green to match the melting treat below her.

“One for Y/n/n!” He sat beside Y/n then, mixing around the green ice cream until it turned into mush. Y/n lifted her eyes from the table to his face. It was stuffed with his own treat, a satisfied smirk directed towards his best friend. Y/n’s mouth was parted open, stuck like that for the longest time. It was only when Conrad had motioned at the ice cream that she realized it was still under the very hot sun, and melting more now.

With a silent whisper of a thank you, Y/n let the gift cool her down. It tasted sweeter knowing it was from Conrad, Y/n had confessed to me that night. Knowing that he cared enough to know how sad she would be to have been the only one without ice cream to finish off a fun afternoon.

He was always so sweet to her, always going out of his way to make sure she was included in everything. He didn’t have to, but he liked too. That’s what made Y/n like him the most. It didn’t matter what was happening, or who was involved. If Y/n was there, Conrad would be stuck to her side like glue, just like she was to him. He had some magic spell over her that no one else could even come close to.

Conrad always had a way to cheer her up, make Y/n feel like the most special person in the world. She never felt ashamed to be my most vulnerable self around him. He made her heart beat faster, her cheeks flush pink. He made Y/n feel pretty, wanted. More than that, Conrad never failed to give her butterflies.

These were all things she could connect with things someone could have with a best friend, someone close to them. She could convince myself as well as herself it was nothing more than that. Conrad was only a friend to her, but she couldn’t lie to herself anymore than she could lie to me.

Deep down, Y/n always knew she loved Conrad differently than everyone else. She could recognize his laugh anywhere, Y/n knew he had a lucky pair of socks and a least favorite pair of underwear. She knew he liked to part his hair down the middle, but how it trailed off to the left the further back it grew because he used to have a side part when he was younger. Y/n knew his glasses gave him a headache and how he didn’t really mind the feeling of sand stuck in his skin after a beach day. These were all things Y/n would’ve never given a second thought about with anyone else, but things her heart held onto like a prayer because it was Conrad.

Slowly but surely, she came to terms with my feelings developed for Conrad, ones I’d known about vaguely for years as the pair grew closer and closer each passing second since Conrad’s own revelations. Only, before, Y/n used to downplay them as a small crush. One she was developing because he was a boy and she was a teenage girl. She believed was supposed to feel like this, it would pass. But it wasn’t, and sometimes it felt to her like it never would. It grew more and more painfully obvious that Y/n’s feelings were so much more than that, and being in that moment then only solidified that fact. Y/n was in love with Conrad Fisher, her best friend, her world.

We were cuddled up on the couch when she talked to me about the day, the way her senses seemed to point overwhelmingly towards Conrad. I could’ve told her then that my son loved her just the same back, and maybe then they would’ve pulled together like a strong magnet, but I wanted them to find each other. They deserved to realize that through their own actions, not mine. So for years after that final confession, I sat here beside my own best friend wondering along with her when they would finally find each other.

“It’s cat and mouse with them every summer.” I sighed, holding my cup of coffee close to my chest. The warmth of the steam coming off of it warmed my skin in the cool July evening.

Laurel laughed beside me, her own mug clutched in her hands as well, we mirrored each other in looking out towards the back yard where Y/n and Conrad ran around in the grass with a deflated football. The smiles on their faces were vibrant, bright. Ones that only came out when they were together. They had that power over each other, to lift each other up. To make the others heart beat fast.

It was as clear as day what our oldest children felt for each other. No amount of deflections or excuses could hide the blush on their cheeks and the way their touches lingered for just a moment longer than friends should. They knew more about each other than anyone else because they cared too much to not know. It was pure and refreshing to see young love like this, even if neither of them knew what they had yet.

“When do you think they’ll realize what they have?” Laurel asked sincerely, her face turning to watch how my expression changed throughout my answer. She usually never played into my ideas, always being the more logical of the two of us, but this was the one thing we could agree on.

“With our luck, never.” We laughed, Laurels head falling to rest on my shoulder affectionately. We let out a synchronized sigh, allowing a beat of silence to pass.

“I’m sure they’ll find their way, they always do.” My hand rubbed my best friends arm in reassurance, my head settling on top of hers. I rested my weight on her, feeling more tired now that the day was ending.

It was almost comical, how ironic the entire situation was. The two oldest, smartest, strongest of the bunch, the ones who, other than Steven, had been the only ones to successfully apply and get into some of the top schools in the country, even with their brains, couldn’t figure out just how badly they wanted each other. Not even when it was dangled right in front of them.

I partially blamed myself. It was me who had ingrained the title, best friends, into their heads. With each time they were spotted together, with everything they set off to do together, I’d always stuck their names together with those two words. Even when it became more and more obvious that they were falling into each other in a way that crossed the line that divided platonic and romantic, it was always the two of them. The younger Laurel and Susannah. The next generation of best friends.

Conrad never managed to catch Y/n’s longing glances, and Y/n always seemed to just miss the way his hands held onto her in ways he didn’t with anyone else. He held her in ways best friends weren’t supposed to.

Lingering touches that mirrored her stares, fingers twitching, begging to be interlocked. Conrad spoke his feelings to her in acts of service, winning her prizes, helping her with her homework, reading to her when she had headaches, even when she was insufferable because she kept groaning. It was also in physical touch. His cologne practically stuck to her clothes permanently with all the excuses he could find to just touch her in one way or another. Y/n seemed to constantly be trying to relay the same in her own acts of service and physical touch. Holding the door, cooking him his favorite desserts without Conrad even asking, resting her head in his lap during movie night. Both slotting together to mesh perfectly, but their ignorance keeping them apart. If I were any less mature, I would’ve yelled at them to hurry up, I wouldn’t be here forever and I’d like to see my special kids happy before I went.

“What are you thinking about, Beck?” My own best friend asked softly, her head still under mine. I squeezed her arm, feeling sure that one day they would get together.

“How happy they’ll be once they realize what they have.” It went silent, but I knew my best friend. I could sense her tight lipped smile, eyes squinting and nose scrunching. He lifted her head from my shoulder slowly, her hand resting on my lower back.

“Why don’t we settle down for the night?” I wanted to fight her, I wanted to enjoy the calmness of the summer evening. The way our children were just what they needed to be, kids. No matter their age, still able to enjoy the simplicity that the summer home had to offer. But Laurel was right, I was feeling sluggish and if I didn’t rest soon, the couch would be my bed for the night. So I nodded, leaving the image of Y/n pinned under Conrad, his hands wiggling by her sides in an attempt to make her squirm and their laughter to be the last thing I would remember before I fell asleep.

“Con.” My voice was soft, the grass wet under our backs, dirt on our skin. He turned his head to face me, a lazy smile on his face. His eyes were all hazy, clouded by both tiredness and something unreadable that consumed his facial expression.

“Hm.” He hummed, eyes searching my face, lighting up when they settled on my own. I could feel the hair on his arms brush against mine, hands curled up, an indication of how close we truly were. Always just out of reach. My fingers twitched against the back of his hand, aching to be intertwined with his. My eyes flicked to his lips out of habit, breath hitching.

When I looked back to meet his eyes, I found the once playful look replaced with serious stare, burning straight into my head. He seemed stiff, nervous in a way. My cheeks flamed up in embarrassment. He must’ve seen the way I couldn’t pull my gaze from his lips. I breathed out.

“It’ll always be like this, right?” It wasn’t what I wanted to say, what I meant to ask. But in that moment, it was all I could manage. A simply vague question that held so much depth. I hoped he’d say yes, that we’d always be this close, not that we’d always be best friends. Selfishly, I hoped he said we would be more. That we could be so much more.

“You and me, always.” I felt the way his arm shifted from beside me, linking his own hands together over his chest and breathing out. He pulled his attention back to the sky, where the clouds moved faster than they did in June. The summer was ending.

“I wish it could be summer forever.” Feeling awkward being the only one to still be looking at him, I too turned to face the sky. Biting my lip, my eyes shut to imagine it was the beginning of the three wonderful months we had together.

I wished that I could have Conrad forever. That it wasn’t just some summer love that I would have to sit idly on as the seasons changed to a colder, more lonely winter. That Conrad and I could do all the things we always talked about over the phone together. Our cheeks would be rosy with the nip of the frosty weather and not because the sun had burnt us into a delirious mess. Groaning on the couch as we wasted our days away.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder, Y/n/n.” He joked. Only, the way he said he sounded completely honest. Like he wasn’t joking. He said things like that a lot now. Things that were awfully romantic for someone who swore that we were platonic to all of our friends. It pulled in my heartstrings a little each time one of the phrases would slip. A source of joy for my daydreams to run on for the next few hours. If I were any more delusional, I would’ve told him how I felt about his jokes out loud. But I wasn’t, so I held them in. I let my heart face and my breathing quicken in silence.

“I hope you’ll be just as fond of me when you see me next, then.” I rolled to my side, countering his joke. I heard him laugh. My hands tucked under my head like a pillow and my legs bent at the knee. I made myself smaller next to him.

As our giggles died out, so did his interest in the clouds. He mirrored my position, hands under his head, legs bent up. Our knees touched, radiating a warmth that bounced between our body heat. My eyes were focused on him, but I was spacey. Thinking of just how long we’d be apart. It hurt my heart, I didn’t care if I would grow fonder of him. I didn’t think that was even possible with how much I loved him now.

“What’s running through that head if yours, Y/n/n.” His hand came up, pointer finger delicately tapping the top of my nose. I scrunched it under his touch, so light it tickled. My reaction made him smile again, even after his hand had returned back under his head.

“Thinking about how fondly I’ll think of you next June.” There were some things you just cannot speak about, can not share. I would never share what I was truly thinking about that day. How I was so stuck in my own feelings for him that I couldn’t even bare the thought of not having him beside me. That my heart deflated at just the mere mention of the winter because the only person I ever wanted to be around would be taken away from me.

Conrad’s laugh was weaker this time, smile fading into a smaller one but it was just as happy.

“I hope you’re already pretty fond of me, then.” I returned his smile then, the crinkle by my eyes moving a strand of hair into my face. It tickled my nose again, but I didn’t scrunch it. Too focused on Conrad so close to care.

Before I could respond, I felt the softness of his hand brushing across my face and tucking the strand behind my ear. He did it so gently, like I would break if he wasn’t.

“I am.” It came out breathy now that his touch was on me. He didn’t remove his hand from my face then. Instead, it felt more like he was molding his palm to fit my jawline. He cupped my face in his hand and just admired me. Eyes flickering around until they met my now moony gaze.

It was like some force was pulling us closer, then. Conrad’s face getting closer and closer, little by little. I couldn’t tell who was leaning in. It could’ve been me, but I was almost sure it was him. My eyelashes fluttered, fighting the instinct to close them. I heard how his breath hitched, I felt my own do the same. This was something I had always dreamed of happening, it felt unreal that now out of all times it would happen. I always dreamed of kissing Conrad in the beach, or the old dock where we used to play. Maybe even in the pool where we’d hold our fake Olympic competitions. But here we sat, on the grass, his breath fanning my face.

His head turned little by little, getting ready to connect our lips finally. The squeaky glass door slid open, and by some bad luck, it was enough to scare us into a more distant position. We sat up, now more than just inches away, searching the backyard for who had opened it.

Steven had been the culprit, having forgotten something on the small table outside. Looking beyond the pool, he found Conrad and I, red as can be, eyes wandering around and waved.

“I’ve been looking for you two! Belly wants to have one last movie night. Jeremiah’s making popcorn. Y/n, you’re on blanket duty!” He was completely oblivious to the tension between us. Of how my cheek, right where Conrad had been touching me was burning. How in my mind, it felt like he had left a mark with how hot it felt. I cleared my mind, shaking it off and looking to Conrad almost disappointedly.

To my surprise, he seemed perfectly fine, like nothing had just happened. He sprung to his feet, in fact, completely able to move on and ignore it. Maybe I had read it wrong. Maybe he wasn’t trying to kiss me. Of course I was, it would be stupid to believe that my best friend could really possess some sort of feelings for me. I had simply made it up, tricked my mind into believing it was true because I longed for him too much.

When his hands met mine to held me up, it felt like fire. Flames burning into my hands at how badly I wanted him. If he didn’t care, than I shouldn’t either. My stupid feelings shouldn’t weight down the last hours we’d spend together. It shouldn’t dictate how the last night will go.

I put on a brave smile, sticking a bandaid over the wound over my heart. I bled out on the couch, all over anyone near me. My smile false, heart heavy. I forced myself to forget it and as the movie grew longer and longer, it left my mind completely. Eyebrows feeling lighter, the burning in my throat releasing itself into a soothing sensation. It would be my last memory of the summer that truly stuck. How close I had gotten to Conrad, and how quickly he had slipped away. How wrong I was about how he felt. How hurt I was for believing it could be different.

What I didn’t know then was how he felt the same. How his mind was swirling with the what if’s and the same disappointment I felt. How my fake smile had tricked him into believing it meant nothing to me, like I didn’t understand the weight of the situation at all. He didn’t know how I was breaking inside at how he didn’t seem to care, because he was feeling the same. My own act was tricking him, allowing Conrad to believe just what I thought of him. That I did not care for him like he did with me. That his feelings weren’t reciprocated. It was a dance between us. Chasing in a circle to get the other attention, to figure out what was happening between us. Completely unaware that if we would just turn around, we’d find what we do desperately longed for. The other chasing the same thing. We let the incident go by the morning, pretending that whatever happened was all a dream. And just like that, we were what we had always been. Best friends.

The news came early in the morning. The sun hadn’t fully crossed the horizon yet and there was still dew on the lawn. I was alone then, away at college. The constant calls from my mother waking me up. But it was the one from Conrad that I answered somehow.

“Hello?” My voice was full of sleep, confused as to why my mom was calling me so early. I had an eight am that morning, I had my alarms set. It was all so confusing, hazy.

“Y/n.” His voice was shaky, weak. It woke me up quickly. Conrad was never like this, at least not over the phone. Occasionally he would breakdown around me. The tears always stung. So full of emotion, so overwhelmed to the point he couldn’t keep it together. All it took was someone to ask if he was really okay to tip him over the edge. To open the flood gates. It only happened at the worst of times, it was alarming that it was happening now.

“Conrad, are you okay? What happened?” I knew something bad had to have happened. This wasn’t simply just him calling because of how much he missed me. Those calls came later at night on FaceTime, his voice light and playful each time. This was heavy, I couldn’t see him, he was hiding behind the phone call. I knew it had to be bad, already packing a bag as he spoke. The phone was pressed to my ear by my shoulder and head, I worked on stuffing as much of my clothes in as possible. I made sure to scribble a note down to let my roommate know I was leaving and would be back in a few days.

“It’s my mom.” The world stopped in that moment. I knew I had to get to him even quicker now, I knew he needed me to talk to him, to walk him through his grief but the news was so heavy, my hands stopped working. I froze, unable to do anything but pray that it was some sick prank.

“What?” It came quiet, I wasn’t sure if he even heard me. She wasn’t my mom by birth, I didn’t carry the same relationship to her as Conrad did. I didn’t see her everyday for hours, but in some way she was my second mother. She taught me to ride a bike, how to bake a cake. I learned how to read from her, her name was the first word out of my mouth. She was the grounding in my life. The one person I trusted to share everything because it was likely she’d already been through it. She understood like a mother, helped me grow as one. Her death would leave an empty hole in my heart for eternity, I was sure.

I heard Conrad take a shaky breath, holding it while he tried to piece together what he had to say. What I deserved to know.

“It happened this morning, just an hour ago. I wasn’t going to call so soon but, I thought you deserved to know. She was special to you, so…” He tried to keep it together, I could feel it. I could hear it. How his breaths caught in his throat, the quiet stutter beneath his words.

“Conrad, I…” In looking for all the words I wanted to say, to tell him it would be okay with, I came up short. Unable to make some sense as to what was happen.

“You don’t have to say anything. We all knew it was coming soon.” He dismissed my struggle, knowing that if it were hitting this hard on his end, he could imagine that I wouldn’t take it very week either.

“Yes but Con, that doesn’t make it any better.” I ran a hand through my hair, placing the phone tightly between my shoulder blade and my ear. I began to pack again.

“Do you need me to come down to Boston?” I would’ve come down on my own, would’ve held him like a brother, protected him from the world, the reality of it all. But it was a delicate situation. I had to walk on eggshells, unsure of what was best. I had never lost a relative before, never endured the pain of not having a mother. Never seeing her again like how the Fisher brothers just had. I didn’t know if it was best to stay or go.

“No, no.” Though it sounded like he was lying, like part of him wanted me to just be there, his words were firm, exhausted. If he wanted me there, I would come, but I would not intrude when times were so tough.

The line went quiet for a moment, I can still hear the static ringing through my head even now. How the line went just as quiet as the dorms when everyone was asleep. I could feel the hot liquid trailing down my cheeks, the tightening of my chest becoming more rapid the longer we both stayed quiet.

“Listen, I’ll call you later when I know more, okay?” I nodded my head, only realizing a moment later he couldn’t see me. I took in a deep breath.

“Okay, yeah.” He mumbled a quick goodbye, hanging up the phone and leaving me alone to grieve. The once cheerful morning turned grey with sadness, clouds looming as a reminder to the sunshine we had lost that morning. The dew turned into mud and the plants wilted. My bag was packed in minutes after the call ended, bag slung over my shoulder.

Conrad didn’t want me there, and that was fine. But my mother was at home, sitting with only two thirds of her family who were probably all unaware besides her. If Conrad didn’t need my shoulders to lean on, my mother did. She knew Susannah longer and truer than any of us had. The pain she must be carrying could only be indescribable to her. So if I wasn’t leaving for the Fishers, I was for her.

I never got that call from Conrad, not even a text. As I laid in my childhood bedroom, eyes glued to the ceiling and the silence of the household drowning me in my own self isolation, I didn’t even wonder why. For the first time, my life didn’t revolve around Conrad, on how he was doing, what he was doing. I didn’t miss him anymore. Not because the hurt of him not being here was any less, but because the pain of his mother never coming back being worse. It canceled out and an extreme numbness took over. I felt nothing. I had cried all my tears, screamed into my pillow until my voice gave away. My knuckles hurt from how hard I gripped the steering wheel on the way home. I had already lost it and now I had nothing else to give.

…

The funeral was a week later. Not much time to process such a heavy loss. Adam wanted me to speak at the funeral, he knew how much Susannah meant to me, but I couldn’t do it. Walking up to the podium, I couldn’t say her name. Even if it were just a practice run. My voice ran dry, eyes wet. Staring at her photo by the alter, all I could do was shake my head. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t do what her husband wanted for her. I felt embarrassed I couldn’t help the family who was going through so much still. They claimed they understood, but the guilt loomed.

We sat three rows behind them. Strangers separating us. It made me angry. If not us, the ones who spent hours on hours together, at least my mother deserved to be sitting in the front row with the Fishers. She was a sister to Susannah. She was just as much of a family as they were. I kept my mouth shut, my eyes down. The family took turns speaking, each sentence summarizing her in the most beautiful way possible. Some old friends spoke in her honor too. It felt wrong then, how people who barely knew her could stand up there and act like she was their greatest gift.

When it was Conrad’s turn, he sung a song. In his pain, his voice failed him. Wavering and breaking through the song. He apologized, looking out into the crowd he met my eyes. I wanted to look away, not wanting him to see me so broken when I should be the one supporting him. But by looking into my eyes, even as teary and red as they were, he grounded himself. By the time he finished, the venue was silent, soft cries echoing from the back rows. Nobody acknowledged them out of the fear that it would cause them to breakdown again.

The silence carried over to the Fishers Boston home. Other than the adults mingling and the quiet chatter of Jeremiah and Steven, the room felt empty. It felt like a depressing party, one that was about Susannah, yet excluded her from it.

It was tiring, the whole experience. Always trying to catch up with how quickly everyone else was getting over it. I felt like a dead weight compared to Steven and Belly, who had already started coming to terms with it. I was the only one left living in denial. The only one still dreaming of epiphany’s to make some sense of it. To make the heartache more bearable.

I wore the dark eye bags and my salt tears like a tattoo, ones that had been permanently stained on my face since the news broke. It was obvious I wasn’t doing well. I had planned to go back to school after the funeral, seeking a clean space to cope. To get away from the constant reminders of what could no longer be.

Jeremiah said I looked too weak to be driving myself to school tonight. He set up the guest room for me, decorating it just as his mother used to. Even in my protests he managed to convince me. He told me how it was more for him than it was for me. How having me close made him feel better because it was like gaining a piece of him family back. Like having an older sister come home from college.

After that, I kept mainly to myself. Finding the emptiest rooms and sticking to them. I hid my face in my knees, soft cries coming in waves until I had nothing left to cry for. Alone, I sat in the darkness until the soft chatter died out and all distractions became a heavy peace.

“You should get to bed soon, Conrad, it’s getting late.” I forgot all about him, I realized. Not once having checked on him. It was only Adams soft suggestion reminding me of the other brother, who was probably taking the funeral even harder than his younger brother. Wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands, I waited until the choking breaths turned into quiet sniffles. Until everything felt calmer, more collected to see him. I wanted to be able to be there for Conrad, even when I wasn’t doing okay either. I wanted to—no. I needed to be strong for him.

I knew where he was, I could see the frame of his back hunched over on the couch. Head hung low and hands fidgeting around anxiously. It made me nervous.

I took the time to go downstairs then, only after I was sure everybody else had filed out of the house, leaving it looming with an eerie emptiness. There were leftovers on the table, one serving left, the rest already in the refrigerator. Adam had already cleaned away any evidence of Susannah’s death.

Taking what was left, I put it on a paper plate. My own stomach rumbled, being empty, but the starving feeling felt better than feeling nothing at all. I knew Conrad hadn’t eaten in hours, cemented to his place on the couch, he needed to eat. It could be considered a peace offering, a kind gesture. Something to maybe lift his spirits.

My hands were shaky, so I had to hold his plate with both hands. I leaned against the wall when I went back upstairs, I didn’t trust my footing anymore. I had to stop halfway up, take a deep breath and pull it together. Conrad needed me, I had to be there. I wanted to be there.

It was a soft knock that pulled me from my descent into a bottomless pit of sadness. My mind shook its self free, eyes fighting consciousness. I was ready to snap, irritated at my dads efforts of trying to move me from where I found some sort of comfort. Really, it wasn’t his fault. He was only a concerned father who wanted to help his son. But I wanted none of it. I wanted even more now than when my mom was alive to be as distant from him as possible. Unforgiving of his horrible mistakes that caused my mom so much pain.

The soft voice that spoke wasn’t one that belonged to my father, not even my brother who had a sweet voice saved specifically for moments like these. To ease the tension, calm everyone down. No, it was like honey. So sweet and gentle. So easy to listen to. I longed to hear more.

“Con?” It belonged to Y/n. My Y/n. The only person I hadn’t really seen all day. The only person I wanted to see all day. Instead, she had spent it making everyone happy with her. Tending to Jeremiah’s wish, staying with us overnight. Giving a loving hand to hold for Belly and Steven, calming down her younger sisters uneven cries and her brothers panicked breathing. She tried to get her mother to open up, but Laurel was like me. Stubborn. Even with her best efforts, she was locked out, leaving her to seek solace in the less crowded rooms upstairs. I wanted to come see her, but my feet no longer worked. My legs were jelly. I felt stuck to the couch. Too weak to keep moving.

I acknowledged her, mouth too dry to speak. She took it as a signal to sit down beside me. The plate in her lap was shaking like her. The food looked unappetizing, but I appreciated her effort. She pushed it towards me, a hand finding my back, she rubbed it like she had in the summer when I was drunk and clinging onto the toilet out of sickness.

Nodding my head, I accepted it only to place it on the table in front of me. I knew she knew I didn’t mean it as an insult, I just couldn’t eat right now. I just wanted her to hold me. I wanted to feel safe again.

So, I placed my head where I’d always wished I could. My ear pressed against her shoulder, hands glued to my lap, her arms wrapped around me out of instinct. It was so warm, so loving. It helped to heal the ache that was ripping through my heart slightly. My headache didn’t feel so severe with her close. She made everything better, just as she always did.

“Con, I’ve known you my whole life, you’re my best friend. You can talk to me. You can trust me, okay?” Her hands in my hair suddenly felt my poison. Little thorns poking into my scalp. The sour reminder that this hold, this closeness wasn’t reserved for me. I wasn’t hers, she wasn’t mine. It made me feel angrier than I should’ve. A mix of grief and disappointment mixing together into something she didn’t deserve. She was only trying to help.

Sighing heavily, I pulled myself away, standing up to create a distance that I knew she felt not only physically but mentally. A feeling of someone close to her becoming closed off to her, just as her mother had done earlier today. I couldn’t look at her. I’d spill everything.

“Conrad, no. Please don’t shut me out. Please, not now.” She was pleading with me, her voice shook slightly, it made my heart break a little, hearing how feeble she was feeling.

“Y/n, can you go please?” I didn’t mean what I said. I’d only done it out of my own petty desires. Hurting the girl I loved more than anything in this world out of my own selfishness. When we were both hurting the most. She didn’t say anything, but I imagined she must’ve shook her head. Her footsteps grew closer.

“No.” She choked out, “No, I’m not leaving you alone right now.” Y/n cared so much for me, she always did. She knew how to read me better than anyone else. She knew that even now when I was asking her to go, I didn’t mean it. I wanted her more than anything. Her knowing this overwhelmed me with a love that I misplaced, unable to cherish and welcome it due to my own selfish nature. Only ever knowing how to push away what was so graciously given to me. I decided to snap at her, make her leave.

“What do you get out of staying, Y/n?” My words were laced with venom, I turned around to speak to her now. Having already built up my walls to know I wouldn’t break. She was speechless, confused.

“I-I don’t…” She couldn’t find the words. Not expecting to be turned on so quickly when she was just trying to help, to be kind.

“God, you are so selfish. This is about you doing what makes you feel good, right? You don’t give a shit about me, Y/n.” I didn’t mean it. I knew Y/n was far from selfish. She was the most selfless person I knew. Always putting herself dead last to help everyone else thrive. She hated thinking she was one day going to be depicted as someone selfish, someone cruel. It was an insecurity I knew she had since childhood. So, in my own anger, I pointed my weapons at her deepest hurts.

“Con, no. That’s not true.” She was defeated now, lip quivering and face contorted into pure pain. I scoffed.

“You can’t even look me in the eyes when you say it. You don’t have to pity me just because my mom is dead.” I kept going, unable to stop now that I had started. I had already stabbed her, now I was only twisting the knife. I watched her eyes well up with tears, all glassy and red. Her lip quivered and her eyebrows pulled together.

“Fuck you Conrad!” It was unexpected. I hoped she would walk away, leave it be and blame it on my grieving, but I should’ve known better. Y/n was like me, stubborn. She was just as much of a fighter ad I was, kinder but full of anger just as I was.

“Susannah was as much of a mother to me as my own! You aren’t the only one grieving, asshole! I’m doing this because I care. I care Conrad, and I wish I didn’t because you don’t deserve it, but I do. And I’m afraid I always will. So…so don’t you disregard my sadness out of the spite of your own anger!” What started out so strong had faltered into a weak confession. She was looking at me in the eyes, finding it in herself to finally make eye contact, breaking the invisible barrier between us. We were chest to chest.

Even in her state, she was so beautiful. Like an Angel sent form heaven specifically for me. I couldn’t help the way my eyes searched her face. I felt confused, more overwhelmed now than ever.

A silence took over, heavy breathing turning into quiet huffs of air. Even, steady. We were so close, I could feel her body heat radiating onto me.

I opened my mouth to speak, I wanted to apologize but the words got stuck. I couldn’t convey what I wanted to tell her. How she meant the world to me, how she was the only person who I cared about more than anything. She was the only person I didn’t want to shut out, didn’t mean to shut out. I loved her more than anything I’ve ever loved and it hurt me to not be able to love her as more than a friend.

My fingers found her hand then, squeezing and pulling her fingers between my own. I held it there, by her side, trying to get her to understand. I heard her breath hitch, saw her eyes find my lips. They flickered back up to my face. I needed her badly then, I knew I couldn’t wait. She was right here, so willing to stay when I’d treated her so horribly. She saw right through me constantly, she stuck by me in my darkest storms.

I didn’t think about it when I did it. About how my leaning in, my effort to kiss her could’ve scared her away. I was blinded by want, by need. I forgot it takes two people to have something.

Y/n released a breath only to hitch it once again, moving back from where I leaned in, she lengthened the gap between us again. A soft whimper woke me up from my haze, her head shaking rapidly. She looked scared. But more than that, she looked guilty, hurt.

Susannah was dead, there was no way to avoid that fact. My mom was never coming back, and that alone broke everyone into tiny pieces. Knowing Y/n, I knew how complicated everything felt for her. She was grieving, hurting. Not even I could piece together what she was thinking.

“Connie.” Her second whimper of my name is the one that made me back away. It was then I saw what I had done. The girl I loved most was staring back at me with wide eyes, mouth open slightly and body shaking. More than that, she had tears streaming down her face rapidly. I had made Y/n cry. For the first time in my life, I had made my best friend cry.

My heart shattered at the realization. How I’d ripped her down, made her feel vulnerable and then went in to kiss her like it would cancel everything out. I moved back again, trying to find the right words to apologize with. A silence surrounded us, crickets and the late night breeze the only sounds filling the walls around us.

I watched her a step back, slightly faltering over the threshold of the doorframe. Her hand ripped away from mine quickly, leaving a burning feeling behind from where we were once connected. A pain that wasn’t real, but felt so. She began to walk backwards now, hands finding the hallways walls for support, her feet failing her.

“Y/n.” My voice was quiet, my feet cemented to the floor. She shook her head again, a sob racking through her body. It’s a sound I’d never heard before. One I hope to never hear again. I could see how panicked she was. How everything was just now catching up. Her feet move quicker now, seeing how I’m reaching out for her. She’s scared, how could she not be? We’d crossed a line that wasn’t meant to be crossed, one that was toed over during one of the most horrible moments of our lives.

She’s halfway down the stairs now, the thumping of her feet louder than the creaking of the stairs. Jeremiah sticks his head out at the sound, looking between her disappearing figure and my body stuck in the doorway. It’s then I realize she’s actually leaving. Not to find peace in the guest bedroom, but to go away for good. I’d pushed her away, why had I pushed her away?

I’m quick then, my feet finding the floor in front of me, I make a mad dash down the hall and around the old banister. It cried under my weight but I push through, desperate to reach her. I don’t care who I wake up, if my fathers mad. If he’d just finished crying himself to sleep. I’m shouting after Y/n, yelling her name like it’s the only word in my dictionary.

“Y/n!” My feet stopped at the beginning of the driveway. The space her car once occupied is gone, not even the distant sound of a car rushing down the street can be heard. She’s slipped away from me just as my mother had, leaving me completely alone.

I walked out to the street, trying to see if she had parked it elsewhere. She wouldn’t leave me, would she? Not after we’d promised we’d always be like this. So close, always together.

The street was empty, only the flickering street lights illuminating the dark streets. I felt defeated, broken. I had got what I intended for, but not what I wanted.

Y/n was gone like the wind, leaving me in the stillness of the night, overthinking everything that had led us to this tipping point. All the tension, all the build up just for the resolve to be our ending. I always dreamed of the day I could finally confess my feelings to her. Even if she didn’t reciprocate them, she would never be mean about it. We’d always be close, and that alone gave me comfort. Now, I wasn’t so sure. What should’ve brought us together in my head, the one thing I’d always dreamed about, had split us apart. It’s almost funny how it happened, when it happened. The two people I always saw myself standing next to for the rest of eternity gone within the same week. Unsure if seeing them again was even something that was possible.

In all the years I had ignored him, Conrad never stopped reaching out. Not until my Junior year. My phone was filled with unanswered messages that varied from topic to topic. He kept me updated even in my absence from his life, wanting to salvage the closeness we’d cherished when we were younger.

He told me how he was in therapy, a week later he told me how he’d stopped going. Not only because he felt like it was nearly impossible to open up to a complete stranger, but because going felt like another financial burden he was adding to his fathers long list of bills and soon to be debt. Conrad shared how day by day, the grief of losing his mother was getting easier to cope with. The happy memories of her having been around at some point fueling him each day. He felt grateful he even had the pleasure to know her so well. Call her his mother. He was going to school to become a doctor now, changing his major halfway through his freshman year because he wanted to help people going through what his mother was forced to endure. He wanted to save people, help them in ways he was never able to help Susannah. He had a good heart, an honest one. Yet, he never spoke of any new lovers in his life. He carried all these amazing qualities, but his heart still longed for me, the girl who had left and never looked back.

It had been just over three years since I’d walked away from Conrad. Three years since I’d seen him. I couldn’t even look at him through photos. I was grown now, but my heart still aches in the same childish way it did when the wound was fresh. He never brought up what happened after the funeral. It was like his attempt to kiss me didn’t exist, only adding to the hurt I felt. Only confirming what I believed from the beginning. Conrad Fisher hadn’t leaned in to kiss me because he loved me, he had done it because he was grieving and didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t love me like I loved him. He did it because I was always so easy. The lovesick fool who would do anything for him, even if it hurt me the most. Susannah had been so sure that he did love me the same, I almost believed her, but it was ignorant to buy into it when it was so obviously not there. Yet, I still felt a tingling sensation each time I looked back at his messages. I wondered if in the time he’d stopped talking to me, he’d found someone else to love and know like he did with me. I hoped that my replacement was beautiful, like a model on the cover of Vogue. I prayed she was smart and kind like Susannah. I hoped she was everything I wasn’t to him.

Deep down, I knew part of my attachment, my fixation on what he was up to was because of the messages. How no matter how wrong it felt, I continued to allow myself to be part of his life from a distance. Even if Conrad didn’t know it, I always cared. Always would. I told him that the day I left. It was fear that turned out to be true. A curse that kept me from finding that same love for anyone else. My heart belonged to Conrad Fisher, a boy who barely knew me anymore. A boy who I wasn’t even sure if I could consider a friend anymore. A boy I want to be able to call my friend again. I had been so resolute all these years in keeping to my word. That after that night, I would never come back. The last would stay just that, the past. It was never that easy.

Letting go of Conrad Fisher was more than only losing the love of my life. It was like throwing away the last pieces of a Susannah. Sure, I still talked to Jeremiah quite frequently. Our phone calls lasted for hours, he never failed to make me smile. But he didn’t have Susannah’s eyes. He didn’t have her blonde hair or her smile. He was a direct reflection of his father, other than his unwavering optimism. None of his features lined up in the same way Conrad’s did. He was her twin, in a way. Losing him felt like losing her all over again.

All I did was try, try, keep trying. I kept pushing until I had nothing left to give, a burnout who barely made it to graduation. No friends to stand with at the finish line. All in an effort to forget what was lost along the way. Losing Conrad made all my achievements feel unworthy. A deep depression looming deep in my stomach, waiting for the right moment to rise, swallow me whole. Not even seeing my family there, sitting excitedly in the folding chairs could lift my spirits. There were four empty seats beside them that shattered my heart. I could place a name to each one. Figure out who would sit where if they had shown. But that bridge was burned and it was my fault.

My fault for running away from the boy who adored me like no other. Who made me feel special. Who understood me like a lover. My heart felt empty, I couldn’t sleep at all that night. Not even when Belly had shared about her forming relationship with Jeremiah, not when Steven confessed he thought he might be marrying Taylor soon, he was ready to buy a ring.

Years ago, that would’ve been something that lifted my mood. Filled me with joy, excitement that my sister was finding her own soulmate in a close friend. How her heart finally beat for the one that was there for her the whole time. But like a train, it hit me that the connecting link between the Fisher family and the Conklin’s would no longer be Conrad and I like I always dreamed it to be. It would be Jeremiah and Belly. Steven’s upcoming engagement didn’t thrill me either. His healthy relationship only reminding me of the ones I lacked. Amplifying the loneliness I was already painfully aware of. All by my own doing.

I felt like I was crashing, listening to my family talk about how well they were doing. It was like they couldn’t see the downward spiral I was falling into. Becoming my worst self.

Going home to a house filled with tainted memories surely didn’t help. Nor did the bottle of alcohol placed in the middle of the kitchen table. Picking it up and drinking straight from the glass was bound to happen, I was hurting and it was my numbing solution. Years ago I had told myself I’d rather feel all the pain in the world than be numb when it came to Susannah’s passing, but now I wished I could take it back. Each drink hurt less and less. The tequila turned into water, my eyes hurt to keep open. I was a quiet mess on the couch. Unaware of anything really.

It was an issue how easily persuaded I was when drunk. In my sober state, I would have never agreed to Belly’s proposition. I would’ve protested, claiming I still wasn’t ready to face my issues. I wasn’t fully prepared to accept that Conrad never loved me, that it was his grief that made him want to kiss me. Something I loved with for years. But I wasn’t sober, and Belly’s argument that we’d be going down for the summer again because it would be what Susannah wanted had me packing a bag for the morning. Ready to go down to the one place I hadn’t been since Susannah still inhabited it.

I found myself hurting in the back of the car, aching, tired. The road underneath the wheels crunching and bouncing the car in a way that made my head pound. I laid my head in my moms lap, praying for it to all be over. Seeking the peace of stillness.

Susannah had once told my mother that she believed I was walking sunshine. A force that lit up the sky when I was around. Someone who’s smile was so contagious, even her brooding son couldn’t help but feel joyful around me. It felt like I was letting her down in a way. Now that everyone had moved on, had gotten better. I felt like an idiot being stuck on the past. What was worse is that I wasn’t sure if I was so stuck because of Susannah or because of Conrad. Both answers freaked me out.

“Y/n, honey.” Her voice was gentle, hands running through my hair. I felt a mess. Hair messy like a child’s, eyes wide yet so tired. My lips were wet with drool, cheeks rosy with the summer heat. My head pounded with a nasty hangover.

I knew what my mom was going to tell me. I felt the car come to a halt, the road turning sharply into a familiar driveway with even more familiar trees peaking through the window. I knew where we were. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but I knew there was no turning back.

Belly and Steven got out of the car first, just like every year prior. Footsteps echoed from the crushed up shells and rocks that were considered a driveway. Laughter and chatter, I recognized the voice as Jeremiah’s. My mother shifted underneath my head in hearing this, ready to get up. Her eyes met mine, silently pleading for me to just, try.

Sitting up, my back aches from the odd position I forced myself in. What I thought was comfort was a hidden pain shooting through my back. All I wanted more than anything was to lay back down on my moms lap. To pretend we were still at home. Like I wouldn’t have to confront anything. I heard the excitement in Jeremiahs voice.

“So, where’s Y/n?” My moms heavy sigh was a signal of impatience, her understanding was wearing thin, she was ready to shove me out into the outside.

I opened the car door slowly, head peaking out. My eyes were wide and nervous. Hands shaking around the door frame. I felt like a shell of the person I was the last time I’d stepped foot on this very ground.

“Jere.” His eyes were just as bright blue as I remembered, his hair just as unruly and free. He hadn’t changed, that alone gave me some sort of comfort. I felt my lips twitch up into a smile, eyebrows furrowed. I should’ve had smile lines at this age, but I only had worry lines. To stressed to think about being happy. But here I was, body peaking beyond the car door, cowering like a young child meeting new faces at a party.

My feet dragged, my body curling into itself in such a pathetic way. The door close weakly behind me, it didn’t make a sound I was sure I hadn’t closed it properly in my nervousness.

His footsteps were quick on the driveway, long strides shortening the amount of time it took to reach me. His eyes were slightly closed, like he was holding back tears. His arms outstretched, fingers motioning for me to come to him.

I didn’t realize how much I had missed how tightly he held onto me until having been deprived of it for so long. I wished I had been around more. I think I would’ve been better off if I had been. I could’ve healed, talked everything through.

But I ran. Far away from the people who supported me greatly, from the people who I needed to be around the most. I was cowardly and childish. A fool so blinded by her own emotions, I let myself close off to the people who I’d never had to before. I smeared my tears on Jeremiah’s shirt, his shoulder firm under my cheeks.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come.” His hands held my cheeks when he pulled away, keeping a hold on me liked I’d slip away if he didn’t. I shook my head, eyes crinkling just like they used to when we were children. I let out a hurt laugh. It was the furthest thing from real, but it felt nice to make someone else believe it was. Placing my hands over his, he lost all ability to move his hands other than his thumbs. He swiped at my tears, fighting off his own.

“I missed you.” I pinched his cheek, wiggling his face around playfully and snapping it back into place. His hands fell from my face, pretending to not find amusement in my attempts of play in such a serious moment. He swatted my hands away. My hangover was still intense, and my heart still beat unevenly, there was still a sense of magic around the beach house. I could feel the sadness slipping away, a new relief filling my heart as I eased back into the old routines of summer. It was still there, it always would be, but being around half of the pair I grew up around was enough to clear the murky skies and paint them a beautiful shade of crystal blue.

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back.” His words made my hands freeze, pulling back away from him and my smile falling, hard to bring back up. How could I explain my absence was one that was caused not only by the passing of his own mother, but by the cruel joke his brother had played on me. How in the weakest times, he continued to play me, made me feel so easy.

A deep breath got stuck in my throat, blinking hard. The small lump in my throat expanded until it burned. I swallowed, and swallowed until the pain was soothed enough to speak without an intense rasp. Licking my lips, I prepared for the long explanation and heavy details I would shorten to help Jeremiah understand why I had left everyone behind. I opened my mouth, only to have my words cut off and my heart to leap into my throat.

“Y/n.” His voice was airy, like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Turning my head to the side, I saw the joy in his face, mixing with what I could read as pure shock and what I could pick up as a deep sadness. It was clear it wasn’t only the youngest who was shocked by me showing up this summer.

“Conrad.” My tone was the same. I didn’t chase after him like I did to Jeremiah, nor did I welcome him into my arms, letting him walk right up to me. I felt stuck in place, heart racing at the sudden confrontation. He looked thinner, more tired. But his skin was still sun kissed and his nose was burnt on the bridge into a pinkish red. He had freckles scattered on his face and the same middle part that still, even after almost a decade of the change, curved off to the side near the back.

It was his house, it was stupid to pretend to be shocked by him being there. Jeremiah and all the courage I’d gained to even begin the process of speaking up about what happened was gone. The smile, even as fake as it was was wiped from my face and replaced with pure terror, pain.

It was like ripping my heart out all over again. Resurrecting the feelings that I had sworn to have buried over the last years. The ones I promised would never come back. I never saw myself in this light. So pathetic, letting something so old kill me all over again. It was like I was watching myself out of my body, listening to the world around me as a ghost. Only half of who I was. It was like I convinced myself these past few months that what happened was merely just a flesh wound, nothing deeper. I couldn’t have anticipated how far the ache would reach. How intense it would feel.

Conrad had began to try and speak again, his hands raising, my heart beating. The closer he inched, the harder it became to breath. The more blurry my vision became, the more everything hurt in a way I was sure I would never feel again.

Like some saint, Jeremiah had seen it. The way my shoulders tensed, chest rising and falling erratically. My skin was becoming blotchy around my neck and my eyes were watering more. I looked just as panicked as I felt. He’d seen me crashing out, he knew just as Conrad once had to get me out of there.

His hand hooked in mine, fingers intertwined tightly and palms pressed together until there was no space between us. He looked to me with a fake face on, eyes searching mine, he prayed I would go along with it.

My ears tuned most of it out, the pounding on my ears to great to really listen to what he was saying. I could only nod my head and let him lead the way. My footing was unstable, the ground shifting and pebbles flying in front of my feet each time I lifted my shoes off the ground. The birds sung to each other, and my mother instructed everyone to help unload the last of the cars luggage. Jeremiah and I had slipped away, keeping distance away from Conrad while doing so and slipped through the back door to seek shelter in his room.

I knew I had to explain it to him then, I couldn’t leave Jeremiah in the dark. Not when he’d been so worried that he pulled me away from his own brother, my best friend. He’d saved me, in a way. I owed it to him to tell him everything. Even if he’d take Conrad side. Even if I lost my only other bridge to Susannah’s life. He deserved to know.

Sitting on his messy duvet cover, my shoes fell to the floor, creating a heavy sound when they connected with the carpet. My knees were pulled to my chest, as if to hide away in a way. He was patient with me, his hand warm on my leg. I felt calmer without Conrad so close, with walls to separate us. I told him everything. He stayed stone faced while processing my feelings, how my heartache had been so great I couldn’t take myself back here until now. How my heart still longed for Conrad Fisher, how it always would. He didn’t judge me, but I could see how he felt bad for me. An idiot who fell in love with his idiot brother.

She’d been ignoring me all week. Something I never saw myself becoming well aquatinted with when it came to her. She was always a ball of sunshine, so easy going, so open to change. I had no idea that by me expressing my feelings I could change it in a moment. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew she would have run like this.

My mom always believed that Y/n and I were meant to be, pulled together by some invisible force. It constantly worked in our favors to push and pull us into a tightly knitted circle. Just us. When she died, Y/n was persistent on being supportive. Being there, caring more than anyone had ever done for me in that dark time. I thought that it was smart to buy into my fantasies, that Y/n had developed the same feelings I held for her and we could finally be what I’d always dreamed of.

It was the worst thing I could’ve done, looking back. How naive I was to think that even if she did reciprocate what I held for her, she was grieving just like I was. She was weak. Maybe she thought of it as wrong, now that my mom was dead. I drove her away with my own selfishness. It was a regret I carried all of my college experience.

Phone dry, a never ending loop of unanswered texts. She became a dump in a way, a place for me to open up even in her not being there. Part of me liked to think she read the messages. She had turned off her alerts, I had no idea, but thinking she saw them made my heart hurt less.

I thought by her coming, even though I knew the chances were slim as the Conklin’s had packed up and spent the summer down at Cousins without her in the previous years, I knew that maybe by her just being close that we could mend things. I had to. It hurt me to not be able to reach out and touch her like I once had the privilege to.

To hold her fingers under mine, rubbing dirt out of her eyebrows and maybe pressing my palms to her temples just to feel her warmth. How her legs tangled between the lawn and my own. It was all a foreign memory, ones that kept me going. Her laugh was a distant memory, one that echoed each night before I went to bed. For years I covered my ears and held my breath, afraid to loose the sound of her voice and smell of her perfume. Some shirts stayed hung up idly in my closet because she lingered on them. I didn’t want to wash it away yet.

Jeremiah insisted she just needed time after the first day. After he’d taken her away from me. I went into his room that night to yell at him, ask him why he would do that to me when he knew just how badly I wanted to hold her. He shook his head and held his breath. She was still hurting, he explained. Still scarred by the injuries that should’ve healed months ago. She needed time.

Time, something that became limited in the summer. Something we had not much of. There was no more guarantee she would be back. No more sure telling that her smile would once again light up the summer home and her voice would ring throughout the beaches. This could be my last ever moments with her. My last real conversation being one that caused her to leave.

I wanted to make it right more than anything, wanted to show her I still cared more than anything. I wanted to tell her everything. Pretend that we were okay, really be okay. I wanted her back.

Around the twelve day mark, I had enough. Time and space was something she had plenty of. I understood her, better than anyone. I know she needed her space, continues to need to heal. But for the first time in my life it’s like I have no clue on how to even begin to help her do that. It made me feel stupid, helpless. Killing myself over a girl who was once only a little girl to me.

The old dock was a place I found myself at most peace. The way the waves gently brushed against the old wooden beams, rocking the platform above. How the moonlight peaked through the cracks of the wooden roof and glistened on the water. You could faintly make out the shape of fish if you really looked and the wind was chilling compared to the usual humid summer air that hung all morning.

My arms were situated right against my body, hands tucked under my armpits. I was cold, sure, but I would never admit it. I always loved when Conrad would take me out here when we were younger. He learned his own love for the spot form his mother, a love that was passed down from child to child like an everlasting passion.

It was quiet, the water and the air drowning out any background noise. Sometimes if you were lucky, young children would play in the background. Laughter would fill the area. Maybe an old couple would barbecue outside. You could people watch. It was all so serene. Not enough to block out the creaks of approaching footsteps. How the boards groaned under the heavy steps getting closer.

My nose was red, I scrunched it in the cold. I sighed heavily, releasing any tension.

“This has always kind of been our spot, huh.” His voice was much deeper than I recalled it. Much more gravely, raspy than before. He was referring to Susannah and how it started, the first discussions that made us realize we were closer than all the others. We were certainly best friends. It was funny how even though it was her funeral that ultimately led to our breakage that she was a reoccurring theme in our lives. I nodded.

Silence took over us, a gap left between our bodies. I felt the urge to stay in place fighting the one to leave. I swallowed hard, looking over my shoulder and backing away slowly. My feet found the floor behind me, and unlike I had when the incident occurred, I was steady and able to begin my escape.

“Y/n, wait.” Conrad spoke softly. His voice wasn’t demanding, almost like he was begging. His eyes begged more than his voice. He pleaded for me to stay. I turned my head to him, stopping short and turning to face him. I watched as his frame began to tower over mine the closer and closer we got. He left a sizable gap between us still, out of respect for me.

Looking up at him, my eyes reflected the stars, wide and expecting. I waited patiently while his tongue licked around his mouth, his breathing heavier and heavier by the minute. He looked like he might burst.

“Y/n, you’re my best friend.” The words stung to hear even now. Even when I should’ve been relieved to know that he still considered me to be at the top of his list. My own heartache held me back. I could only nod.

“I know.” I could feel the lump in my throat form. How it hurt to not cry. How my eyebrows felt heavy and my nose became sore, not from the cold anymore.

He breathed out harshly, watching as I tried to make my escape again. His hand was harsh on my hand, pulling me back to where I was. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to turn away yet but he knew my intentions just as well as I did.

“You’re my best friend and it kills me to not be able to have you in my life anymore. I miss what we had, what we were. Everything was going great and then…what happened to us, Y/n?” I wish I could’ve answered him, but we both knew what led us here.

“I don’t have to defend my feelings to you.” My lip quivered, feeling a fight rising between us. We never used to fight. Now looking back on it, our last two interactions had only been fights. How quickly things can change.

Ripping my hand from his grasp I turned and made my quick escape down the dock. Walking as quick as my feet would carry me until my feet felt the grass beneath the soles of my shoes. I heard Conrad’s own steps connecting with the flooring just as harshly as mine had. The yank on my wrist was no as gentle as the first time around. His grip was harsh, tight. He made sure there was no escape.

“What is wrong with you?” His voice was raised but he wasn’t shouting. He rarely shouted at me. He always said he loved me too much to be mad at me.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?” My eyes rolled and my chest heaved, I felt myself getting hotter, cheeks redder.

“Susannah’s dead. She fucking died and everyone was hurting. You were hurting, I was hurting! You treated me like a last resort! Like, now that you lost someone important to you—you needed someone to fill the void! Made me feel easy, like an idiot! Trying to kiss me like it didn’t change anything—like it didn’t mean anything! It ruined everything Conrad! You decided that because you couldn’t have your ego bruised by being openly emotional, you just had to keep pushing people away! You used me! ” I threw my free hand up. I was crying. I felt stupid for crying, I shouldn’t be crying over him.

“I didn’t do that! No, Y/n you were never a last resort. I thought…I thought it would help! I didn’t think it would hurt you that badly. God, why did it have to hurt us so badly?” He shouted it at the sky. A fog now hugging the trees in the distance. A rainstorm coming in by morning. Clear sky’s would soon turn dark and murky. It felt fitting.

I felt rage. Pure rage. How blind he was to why I was hurting. I had pointed him in every direction, given him hints and yet he was always the one who even with their smart eyes and quick attention, could never truly figure out what I held for him. It all bubbles out like a sickness. A burning vomit that was nothing more than a dry heave. It hurt to get out, but the relief afterwards was worth it

“Because I love you, you idiot!” My voice was loud, deafening in the heavy silence that now hung between us, “I love you, okay?” I was more quiet the second time, seeing Conrad’s big eyes and shocked expression. How his hand loosened on my wrist, I prepared for the worst. The long awaited rejection that would forever break me, tear away the last pieces of the Fisher brothers from my life all together. Our past only to be held in old Polaroids and my moms photo book.

“And I’ve known it since that day in the pier. You bought me ice cream and I realized nobodies ever cared for me like that before. It felt so good to be know so well. It felt ducking amazing to have someone like that. I cared so much about you, I’m afraid I always will. Even now I can’t shake it.” I went on and on, confessing how I felt, when I realized what always been there. I felt his touch leave me completely. It felt cold to be so alone. My tears were salty when they landed on my lips, I wonder if Conrad could taste them.

His hands were warm on my cheeks, palms pressing into my jawline so hard that the simple touch felt that much more intense. His eyes were shut, I noticed. So I closed mine too, allowing myself to give into the boy in front of me. His chest pressed against mine, we were so close, air was almost impossible to find. I could only breathe in him, everything was Conrad. I could feel him everywhere. My nose, my eyes, my ears, my fingertips. His lips molded against my perfectly, slotting themselves into place and setting off jolts of electricity in my veins. It was slow and passionate, everything I had ever dreamed it to be. Wished for. He was gentle and rough, fearful to hurt me, as if I would shatter under his touch, but the pure desire to show me he felt the same was too great to dull down his actions.

We separated with a gasp. Heaving at the lack of air, both breathless form how long it lasted and how much build up had led us here. How badly we desired it. His forehead rested against mine softly, hands sliding down to settle on my waist. He was a lot softer now, more gentle, kinder. Like now that everything had been said wordlessly, he could finally relax by having me in his hold.

Our eyelashes fluttered against the others cheeks, a soft laughter passing between us. Our smiles were b, it felt more like a scar than a scab now. To have some reassurance that he didn’t go after me because I was easy in his eyes. But because he felt the same.

“It was the day at the beach. We got sunburnt badly and you took care of me all night.” I kissed his cheek while he spoke, holding onto him just a moment longer, “You said you realized your feelings the day at the boardwalk. I found mine while you were rubbing aloe on my back.” We laughter again at the almost stupid memory. How we had both realized what we felt at rehab seemed like the most insignificant parts of our relationship. Not when Conrad had taken me to my first party and danced with me all night, not when I stayed up all night with him and held him close just for the hell of it, but when we were children.

We had been so blind to it our whole lives it was almost a tragedy. How much wasted time we had in our lives. It was something we would never get back. Something so precious, something we all had so little of. It was too late to rewrite our history. We could only hope to fix what was broke. And in the silent of the night, Conrad began the mending with the soft whisper of three simple words. Ones that came out in almost a mumble, they only reached my ears.

“I love you.” I never truly believed Conrad when he would joke how distance makes the heart grow fonder, but after what felt like a lifetime apart, it felt like the most honest statement to be made.

Conrad Fisher was mine and I was his. After all of our damaged fights and flaws, we’d found each other again. Being pulled together again by that invisible string. Sticking like glue. My heart swelled knowing he would be mine in the morning.

I will forever cling onto everything I feared, but I will feel at peace with my own inquiries while now that we are half-awake, intimate in how we hold each other. Finally, the grief subsided and I am at peace. I am myself again, he is himself with me.

I know myself better than I have in years.

[saphira-approves]

Can I come and tell you my deepest pain?

We should have had Morzan alive. I mean yeah, it would fuck up the whole narrative but imagine Murtagh being afraid of his father. He hates the king but fears his father.

Imagine him and Thorn; Morzan sees them, and he has problems with booze in canon, just how drunk he'd have gotten after Thorn learned to talk? There he is with his nameless dragon, half of his heart and soul, that he had to watch descend into stupidity. (Does he have its name written up here and there, does he watch it every day just to think about how he could make it real again?) Would he dream of killing his son and taking his dragon to himself? Would he want that even though he despises that sick joke of a connection that is in between Galbatorix and Shruikan?

And then Galbatorix finally discovers the name of the names. How would he beg for the king to use it to heal his companion?

Also, it would be very funny to watch our main characters run for their lives with an angry dragon after them, but y'know.

Should I write a fic about this

Oh you absolutely should write a fic about this (and let me know when you do! I’d love to read it!), and I should go back through my WIPs to find my time travel AUs…

I usually write more about Selena than Morzan, but I do love the idea of getting to see grown-up Murtagh’s reaction to seeing his father, especially in a context where Murtagh has lived without him for a while—whether that’s because Brom didn’t kill Morzan and Selena got both her sons to Carvahall, or because resurrection or time travel shenanigans happened.

As for Morzan still being around when Murtagh gets captured… I think there’s a 50/50 chance he gets Real Weird about the torture, in a “I was pretty sure up to this point that I didn’t actually care about my son but now my best friend is torturing My Son and I don’t like it actually” way, and I think that would be really fun to explore; I think, also, that when Thorn hatches and Galbatorix prematurely increases his size, Morzan would again be Real Weird about it because, like, that’s a baby dragon the size of an adult. He hasn’t lost his name, he just hasn’t really developed one yet; he’s a weird, warped mirror of Morzan’s own dragon. And when Thorn does, eventually, with difficulty, start to ‘grow up’, Morzan’s probably going to get twitchy about it—it’s been at least a century, more than two thirds of his lifespan, since he’s even MET a somewhat psychologically stable dragon; how much has he forgotten of their true intelligence, their real personalities? And when Galbatorix does find The Word, if Morzan asks him to heal his own dragon… honestly I don’t know if Galbatorix would be able to. Having power and knowing how to use it are two different things, we saw Murtagh figure that out in his own book with The Word. Would the king even know where to start? Would he allow Morzan to try for himself? Morzan probably wouldn’t have a clue where to begin, all we ever hear about him from people who’d met him is that he’s a powerful spellcaster, but not a very clever one.

Honestly, the whole situation might drive Morzan to split from Galbatorix; and even if not, it would still probably drive Morzan to be extremely destructive, to himself and everyone around him.

Also he’d be so pissed to learn about Eragon’s true parentage. Not even in a “my wife cheated on me?!” way but in a “oh my god can Brom stop being SO OBSESSED with me for FIVE MINUTES” kind of way.

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

I don't mean to clog your inbox but I've been thinking a lot about parasocial relationships and nostalgia. 

The same people who call One Direction boys are the ones making Tiktok's featuring clips from 2011, same people insisting these men are best friends/brothers even though there's little evidence that most of them have any current relationship. It's the same people criticizing Sabrina Carpenter, a twenty-five-year-old woman, for simulating sex on stage because they still see her as a Disney Channel star.

It's been well documented that fame at a young age is incredibly toxic. I wonder how damaging it would be to the psyche if in the public eye, you're never allowed to grow up, to evolve, to make real adult mistakes and decisions. Never able to distance yourself from the past. 

One Direction was one of the first true parasocial bands in the social media era. Everything they did was packaged and marketed to the fans. It's so clear now how artificial it all was. It's not to say there wasn't real love, care or brotherhood between them, but nothing was organically developed. These weren't five guys who found each other and created lasting friendships. They weren't even allowed to be their true selves (Zayn marketed as mysterious, especially when he was actually goofy and mischievous in the earliest videos, reeks of racism). Even if there were real relationships (Larry - whatever it actually was) they were exploited and marketed to death. 

Every article about each of them since that time, especially since Liam's death, mentions the band. (With the exception of Harry since his team has successfully distanced him/destroyed the others. Although I expect he won't be able to avoid this as much now because the media loves to exploit tragedy). Imagine being linked to a coworker/friend/frenemy from a decade ago when you've changed and accomplished so much as an individual adult. I think it would fuck with anyone's head. 

Anyway this is a long ramble. It's just fascinating to see how tied to the past, to false relationships, we all are. 

The funny thing is we don’t even see some of the effects of parasocial relationships because of our tunnel vision.

Every time Louis is between projects or just “waiting,” the fandom goes stir crazy and we go through very predictable cycles. It’s happening right now.

First, we worry about Louis’ health. The benign side is joking about whether he’s drinking enough water or sleeping enough, or wondering if he’s on vacation. The malignant side is making up rumors about Louis going to rehab (which is deeply sadistic if you think about the 1D history).

Next, either we argue with 1D subfandoms or we make up fairy tales about how close they are now based on grainy 2011 videos and Louis seen within 2 feet of an ex-bandmate.

Next, we see fake receipts from someone’s sister’s boyfriend’s uncle’s ex-wife’s cousin about Larry sightings (“they’re not even 1D fans,” “they have no investment I swear,” “I’ll have to ask for more details,” “they don’t even know Louis but described his tattoos with alarming accuracy”), Louis sightings, outrage about Freddie, 1D rumors, “take it with a grain of salt but I choose to believe.” Blah blah blah. It’s all been done to death.

Next, leaks of songs and lyrics. (Just wait a few months.)

The thing about parasocial relationships is that it affects not just fans, but the 1D men and their families too. It defines them as much as it defines us. Because of this relationship, the 1D guys cannot live a private life— even if they could, they don’t know how to do it. They’re irreversibly fucked up.

We see the same thing in most of the Disney stars like Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, the Jonas brothers, and Demi Lovato, and in Justin Bieber— the fact that their peak fame is almost imprinted onto their future selves, the fact that their acting out and transgressions can never be truly forgotten (the fact that they’re still being judged based on their perceived innocence or purity and cancelled for it).

We see it in every person whose childhood was put in front of a camera and broadcast to millions of people. The rate of psychological disorder, of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction, poor sleep, and somatic illnesses is astronomical.

[dekusleftsock]

IVE BEEN A GOOD KID AND IVE ACTUALLY LET MYSELF LIKE. THINK ABOUT THE OFFICIAL TRANSLATIONS SO. HERE WE GO BITCHES.

(Along with some other things bouncing around, implications of togachako because of this chapter, maybe even a prediction? This is my FINAL THOUGJTS POST, unless ofc I notice something and I say it BUT HOPEFULLY THIS IS THE LAST AND ITS JUST GONNA BE ME BEING SILLY AND POSTING FANART)

1, i find it funny that Caleb said lickitung than Pikachu since that… totally doesn’t make sense nor was why Twice suggested the name. IDK IM A POKÉMON NERD AND AN MHA FAN SO I JUST FIND IT A LITTLE SILLY.

Like I think Horikoshi chose Pikachu bc it’s the most recognizable Pokémon, along with Himiko’s “chu-chu” noises she makes when she drinks blood ofc, but it was also probably suggested bc… Pikachu has the same blushies that Ochako has…

Not to mention the fact that Pikachu is also representative of Toga’s colors, those of course being red and yellow.

Lickitung makes no sense other than the fact that it paralyzes people/Pokémon by licking them and making them uncomfortable. It’s such a… random gen 1 Pokémon idfk. I can see WHY he chose it, because lickitung is supposed to be a friendly Pokémon that accidentally makes people uncomfortable, but I think Pikachu being said instead just makes far more sense; Pikachu is supposed to be a cute Pokémon. It’s origins in gen 1 were, “I want you to make the cutest Pokémon you can” and the artist Atsuko Nisida had to go through 3-5 iterations of pixel art (bc they would make the pixelated version for the game first AND THEN draw the Pokémon from that) before finally settling on what people call “fat Pikachu” which looked like this

Lickitung works ig by being a Pokémon that ultimately is harmless to people but just accidentally freaks people out and makes them off-put by them, but Pikachu fits much better in a chapter where Ochako calls Himiko’s smile, something we’re supposed to see as creepy, perfect/pretty/beautiful. Comparing her and her cuteness to something like Pikachu just seems like something twice would do anything bc he’s a sweetie like that.

ALSO ANOTHER THING FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT POKÉMON: reguri is I think the most popular ship? That might be beat by Selena/ash and misty/ash, but regardless it’s super popular and also is EXTREMELY SIMILAR to bkdk.

This does depend on which version of them you’re talking about, but personally when I read pokespe (the most popular official Pokémon manga, there’s others but that’s just the most well known one) I always thought bkdk were so similar to red/blue to the point it was uncanny. At the time I thought “eh that’s just gay rival tropes there’s tons of other characters in other anime/manga/tv that are similar to them too” but after the mention OF Pikachu and Toga’s purposeful similarities I do wonder if horikoshi was a Pokémon fan in the 90’s during his childhood. That wouldn’t surprise me seeing as the games were such a booming success in Japan (literally it’s the most sold Pokémon games ever nothing has beat it since), so it would make sense if horikoshi was a secret Pokémon fan.

I mean, blues hair is even similar to bakugous but idk, maybe it’s a stretch.

They’re not childhood friends in pokespe, but they are childhood friends in the games, blue bullying him as they got older and pushing red away, red goes and has an emo arc on mount silver by himself without telling anyone, eventually comes down from that mountain in black and white 2 where red and blue are starting to be friends again, and I don’t think they’re seen again until sun and moon where they’re on vacation together in alola. There’s other outside game content that has just… progressively gotten more gay.

AGAIN, IM NOT SURE IF HORIKOSHI HAS READ THE POKESPE MANGA OR IF HE PUT THIS MUCH THOUGHT INTO IT! However I WILL say that if you enjoy bkdk you will probably enjoy reguri and the pokespe manga, especially since it has a more interesting plot than the anime or games, along with being less corny. It’s a lot more… I don’t wanna say graphic but honest? It wasn’t really made in mind that it would be targeted overseas like all the other Pokémon stuff, so it’s just more honest about environmental issues and pet abuse and things like that. Red and blues character arcs and friendship, along with Leaf’s character arc is very interesting just by itself, highly recommend.

MOVING ON… my Pokémon nerdiness aside, I love Himiko’s defiance to conform to hero society especially as a villain. Will she go against this vow because she sees herself as a full fledged villain? I wasn’t really sure.

She didn’t, which is great, but I also think those themes of pity and feeling like Ochako is still looking down on her… remind me exactly of Katsuki.

I also find this page and what toga says quite interesting.

Saying that she KNEW ochako was sad too, that’s a VERY interesting observation to make when thinking of someone you “hate”.

And I like the distinction that Ochako wasn’t afraid of Toga because of her smile being creepy, or that she was trying to harm her or tsu, but because she couldn’t understand why she was smiling during a fight.

More bakugou vibes/lines

If/when they ARE canon, explicitly and completely and all that, then that would make mha a, and idk if it’s the first, shonen GL + BL. That would be fucking crazy.

ALSO THIS? THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT AN IZU//OCHA MOMENT… let me explain.

It’s a couple of things: Ochako is not explicitly saying how she wishes she could talk about her love with Izuku, instead it seems to be more framed as talking ABOUT Izuku.

He’s not even looking at her, and she’s not looking at him; no, instead Ochako and Himiko are looking at each other, and talking about the importance to talk about your feelings openly, how she admires that quality to Himiko.

In a way this is Ochako saying “No, don’t become like him, this is why I admire you. That trait makes you admirable, it’s a trait I love in you.”

And lastly, that marriage proposal. Is it REALLY a marriage proposal? How romantic or platonic is this this scene?

Well, I went back and read chapter 348 to find out, and a little detail disregarded, not only by me but everyone else, was the line, “If you ask me, being a couple means being one and the same. Makes sense right? Nothing else… would fulfill my desires.”

And then ochako in 393, purposely bearing her feelings to Himiko and offering her blood to her? Even with this knowledge? The knowledge that Himiko would see this as a confession? Fucking crazy.

For all her flaws, I can perfectly picture why Ochako would prefer someone who sees romance like she does, openly unapologetic about her feelings like she is, over someone who can’t even see a teenage girls confession as an actual confession of love. Way to be selfish Izuku.

(God he would be SO offended at all the shit talking I’ve been doing to him recently HAHA! BUT HE NEEDS TO HEAR IT BC HES AN IDIOT WHO SHOULD BE TAKING HIS FEELINGS SERIOUSLY. How are you going to let the hot headed blonde kid that bullied you be better at this. HOW.)

So yes, I think this is so explicitly romantic, I literally thought this scene would never fucking happen because I KNEW how gay it was, how gay everyone KNEW it was—but god damn. Horikoshi you mad man.

[daddyhausen]

｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ 「 KINKTOBER DAY FOURTEEN : GAGS 」 ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡

「 MASTERLISTS 」 | 「 KINKTOBER 2023 」

「 COMMISION INFO 」 | 「 LIKE MY WORK? BUY ME A COFFEE — KOFI — DXDDYHXUSEN 」

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「 SUMMARY 」 — taking a wrong turn, you end up alone with alex in dark order’s lair

「 WARNINGS 」 — smut, 18+ [ minors do not interact ] gags, bondage, restraint, groping, fingering, degradation, rough sex, vaginal sex, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, male + female orgasms, squirting, vaginal creampie, internal cumshots

「 WORD COUNT 」 — 1k

「 PAIRING 」 — fem!reader x alex reynolds

「 GENRE 」 — smut

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「 TAGLIST 」 — @cosmoholic13 @thewrestlingbitch @omg-im-such-a-masochist @adamjf @wardlow @alexisquinnlee-bc @sammiejane22 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @omegasluvbot @melissahausen @writtingrose @drummergrl1310 @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @bonehead-playz @cherrytheeredheadmamaclaymore @crowleysqueenofhell @romanreigns-supreme @janetreader @thenerdybaker523 @sunshinevirus @nicoleveno14 @rubyred1980 @igncrxntripley @ripleyswhore @embermdk @thepalaceofmelanie @violetmacher @seeingstarks @kennysbadkitten @darkangelchronicles @ripleyswife @selena-tyler-564 @auburnwrites @biforrollynch

「 BETA READERS 」 — @allelitesmut + @legit9thlunaticwarrior

「 COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST 」

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you stood in the centre of the room completely confused

unsure of how you exactly ended up here after traversing the arena hallways for more than an hour

the room was dark, not decrepit but held an ominous aura to it

barely lit with a few mere candles scattered throughout

the warm yellow hue accompanied by an forbidding purple glow

the room succumbed and bathed in the lighting

you could barely make out shapes before you

of what you could see, a table, circular in shape and an accompanying booth of chairs in the far left

and a bar at the back, various alcoholic drinks lined the rack, most of them barely touch

some still sealed and unopened

“funny seeing you here”

a voice called out to you amongst the mask of purple darkness

a familiar voice it was

alex stepped out amongst the shadows, chest pressed against your back unexpectedly

the both of you engaging if some flirtatious banter an of late

it leading nothing more than a casual wink or a suggestive remark

it so it would have seemed to you

“i uh…i got lost” you remarked matter-of-factly, albeit not too convincingly on his part

feeling alex smirk into your neck, unassigned with your response

“are you sure sweetheart? didn’t come to see me?”

feeling him stiffen against the small of your back

his clothed cock prodding against your ring gear

the fishnet material, apart from his clothing being the only thing separating your skin from his

“w-why would i want to see you?’ you stammered through your words

alex hummed softly against your neck, the feeling reverberating against your skin

“don’t play dumb with me sweetheart, with the way you’ve been teasing me lately.”

he paused, inhaling a breath

“don’t think i didn’t notice your new gear”

he let a hand fall to the small of your back, plucking at the delicate fishnet with his index fingers

he examined your gear, the halter top, low cut, your cleavage ever so revealing

the shorts you donned were practically a pair of panties, the way your ass just peaks out from beneath the vinyl-like material

not to mention the colours, purple and black

dark order’s colours

his colours.

“ i see the way you look at me. the lust in your eyes. how you clench your thighs together whenever i walk by”

he wasn’t wrong in that sense

he did elicit such a vulgar reaction out of you

even now you couldn't help but subtly grind back against his bulge

he took notice, smirking slyly to himself

“i take that as a yes?” he quipped, eyes flaring with a dark gaze

your breath escaped your lungs in shaky whisps

nodding your head absentmindedly, as if his words were controlling your movements

his fingers left the small of your back, much to your dismay, frustrated at the lack of contact, as minimal as it was

alex’s hand retreated into his pocket, prying out a thick strand of twine rope

why it was in his pocket in the first place was unbeknownst to you exactly

yet it left your stomach in a whirl of curiosity

“open” he commanded with a sort of abruptness you were used to hearing from him

his words always spoken with a hint of malice underneath

yet you obeyed, mouth prying open far enough for him to slot the rope between your teeth

the twine long enough for him to effectively tie a double knot, securing it

spit began to pool around the rope, in small foamy bubbles, dripping down the sides of your mouth

leaving a glossy imprint in your skin as it flowed down your neck

he bent you over the table, the varhished oak cold against your skin

your ass propped up in the air

“better keep quite for me, sweet thing, don’t want the others to hear you whoring yourself out for me”

alex was an impatient man, as quick as ever with his movements,

his calloused fingertips made contact with your hips once more

smoothing across the covered flesh before hooking into the waistband of your shorts

sliding your gear down with ease

taking a moment to marvel at the black lacy thong that was hidden underneath

“damn…i knew you were easy but this…” he hooked a finger ingto the elastic of the thong

prying it back until it snapped against your skin with a loud twang

a stinging sensation rang through your body as you made a choked hiss around the rope

“you’re practically asking for it, princess”

alex made no effort to ease you in, you were already soaking

your thighs trembled with anticipation, a warmth spread between them like wild fire as you awaited his cock

he freed himself, the only warning he offered you was the almost faint zip of his dress pants and maybe a subtle drag of his cock against your dripping folds just to tease you

his cock made a home inside your cunt, buried deep inside your tight, warm void

“fuck…” he growled, the word leaving his lips in a soft gutteral drawl

his hips moving in rapid succession, giving you no time to adjust to the sheer size of him

all you could do was grunt and hiss with pleasure.

you surely could not protest without choking on your tongue that was for sure

your reveled in it, the pure pleasure he was giving you

your ass bucking back against the sheer mass that was his cock

feeling him stretch your walls as your dripped and throbebd around him

“thats it, good girl. take it all”

your mind was in a daze, overstimulated by the force of his weight pressing down into you

feeling him draw pleasure from between your thighs

inching your closer and closer to orgasm

the words you spoke muffled against the twine

spit gathering in a puddle between the valley of your breasts

pressure building in your belly

orgasm soon rising, spilling around his cock without warning

“now, that’s no fun is it? cumming without my permission?”

he pulled out of you, your body shuddering and twitching with release

void clenching around nothing but air, hoping for him to fill you again

“sweetheart, you’ve got a lot to learn”

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[davenweenie]

Lab Rats Headcanon’s

I don’t know if anyone has realised but I’m horrendously British so you’ll have to excuse some of my language if you’re American and don’t understand it. Also I am a massive Chase stan so most of these will be about him.

-I could go on about the Chase is Trans hc until the day I die. He just gives off major trans vibes and it’s canon in my head. lol.

-Spike is so odd to me. The fact that they can’t find a way to remove him form Chase’s chip is odd. On another note please give me DID Chase fic recs.

-Chase is really durable. Adam can literally carry tons of weight and punches Chase all the time, also throws him, and Chase is just, like fine?

-Adam feels really guilty when he gets older about how much he hurt Chase when they were kids/teenagers. The fact that his baby brother’s arms were covered in bruises so much that he could never wear short sleeves in fear of someone thinking he was being abused makes him feel terrible.

-however, Bionic Brother Tosses still happen. Adam just makes sure Chase has somewhere a bit softer to land when they see each other.

-Bree can pick Chase up like he weighs nothing. Just throws him over her shoulder. She could since they were kids and made sure they could all carry each other if they needed to (getting out of dangerous situations, especially if someone is unconscious)

-Adam and Bree still have nightmares about seeing Chase’s ‘dead’ body in Giselle’s lab.

-their necks are incredibly sensitive from where their chips are. Kaz thinks it’s funny to touch Chase’s all the time and surprises him all the time when he sneaks up from the back.

-this is way in the future but I think Perry cried at Kaz and Chase’s wedding. Also Skylar and Bree’s. She told everyone she had hayfever though.

-Perry was inconsolable when one of her cats died from liver failure and came knocking on the EF penthouse door in tears. Bree and Chase were terrified to see that woman cry. Of course they comforted her though.

-I don’t think bionic people can get pregnant. I feel like it would be super dangerous idk. Adding to this, Bree and Skylar wanted kids but it would have been too dangerous for them both to have children so they ended up fostering and adopting twins of a superhero that was killed by the shapeshifters (idk this one’s a work in progress)

-Kaz and Oliver go back to being doctors when Mighty Med is rebuilt. Kaz was so excited after delivering his first baby (idk, do they do that at that hospital, I still haven’t finished MM) and kept rambling about it to Chase over the phone. Oliver was passed out because he’s terrified of babies.

-Adam and Leo both smoke weed for sure. They’re stoner brothers. If Chase had been around when they started he would for sure also get high a lot (probably not by smoking it because he cares too much about his health. He’d probably eat it)

-Chase doesn’t get dizzy. Instead: he sees in pixels until it goes away. This only happens if he gets really dizzy though, like has spun around 100 times sort of dizzy. Otherwise he’s like a normal person.

-Adam loved My Little Pony when they were kids, he still watched it from time to time when he’s feeling sad. He also really liked watching Monster High with Bree.

-Adam is literally Mabel Pines from Gravity Falls reincarnated. Chase is absolutely like Dipper Pines which is the main reason he loved Gravity Falls when he was younger.

-people used to think Bree and Chase were twins only because they were so similar in height and build, as they’ve gotten older they’ve become easier to separate from each other.

-Tasha drives and Davenport is the passenger princess. I know Davenport can drive but he chooses not to if he doesn’t have to.

-Adam loves going on drives with his siblings, it’s perfect bonding time. They sing pop songs (usually Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, Brittany Spears etc) at the top of their lungs while driving to get food.

-When Kaz and Chase move in together, the first thing Kaz does is get a red pickup truck. He told Chase that he got it so they could drive out of the city and go stargazing where the sky wasn’t polluted by light. (It’s giving Dante and Aristotle, I know)

-Chase’s first car was a Ford Fiesta which he got with his own money. He knew he could have asked Davenport for a car and he would have gotten a high tech, brand new car the next day but he wanted something that he had worked hard to get. He wanted visual proof that he could accomplish things on his own and saving up for a car had been one of them.

-There were many road trips in that small car. They drove to Hollywood a lot and often times climbed up to the Hollywood sign even though they knew it was trespassing. When Chase eventually had to get a new car because the Fiesta kept breaking down, he had cried. He felt stupid crying over a car but Kaz had assured him it was okay.

-they had made so many memories in that car and after being split up as a team, Chase clung onto it as if it would make him and his siblings a team again. It took a lot of willpower to sell it for parts. He kept the steering wheel, he wanted to keep one part to remember the amazing times in that little car.

-although Bree used to constantly talk about how she wished she didn’t have to be around her brothers, now that she only had Chase around she realised how much she missed them. As annoying and obnoxious her brothers could be, she missed them more than anything.

-the reunion after being split up was a tearjerker, Douglas had sobbed into Otis (the dog, who Adam had kept after Chase moved out of the island) and then denied it ever happened.

Anywho, that’s all, luvs. I’m posting a lot because it’s my day off and I don’t feel completely exhausted anymore. Hopefully I’ll get back to posting more regularly now that my brain can function agains.

[magxit]

It's funny that Taylor's comment under Selena's announcement has reached over 1 million likes but Benny left a comment soon after with half as much

//

Honestly, I think people are just happy for Selena rather than happy for Selena and Benny. I saw on another blog an anon wondering if people would be as happy for Taylor but I think that’s the difference. While there will be some annoying people, most people will be excited for Taylor, and Taylor and Travis. Because they love Taylor and they love Taylor and Travis together. People don’t really care about Benny, but as long as Selena’s happy they’re excited for her. I’ve seen most social media posts being about Selena and then Taylor’s comment.

Yes, I agree 100% with you. They know Benny is nice and a little odd but Travis and Taylor are mega stars and have their own massive following so it is different. Like if Selena was marrying Josh Allen or Austin Butler the reception would be totally different.

[disgruntledkittenface]

snippet <3

thank you @nouies for tagging me to share a snippet and @neondiamond for tagging me to share a last line! I realllllly like this part of my fic for @theshowficfest and I wanted to share it <3

“So,” she says, narrowing her eyes. “You and Harry.”

“Yeah,” Niall says slowly, looking over Louis’ shoulder to see Hot Luke trying to hide a smile behind her coffee cup. “We’re going to the flea market.”

“Niall thinks it sounds like fun,” Zayn adds, smirking. “You know Niall, she loves that kind of thing.”

“Listen,” Louis says, leaning forward and resting her elbow on the table. “I actually think you and Harry would be great together. I tried to set you up at Halloween two years ago, remember?”

“It’s so funny that we do that,” Niall remarks, laughing at the absurdity of her married ex-girlfriend trying to set her up with another one of her exes. “Like, you’re my ex and she’s your ex–”

“Yeah, yeah, lesbians are hilarious,” Louis says, waving her hand dismissively. “But if you’re actually going to go out with Harry, you have to promise me something.”

“What?” Niall asks, glancing at Zayn, who holds her hands up as if to declare she’s not involved in this. Whatever this is.

“Don’t break up with her for a dumb reason, okay?”

“Okay? Why would I–”

“Because,” Louis says, cutting Niall off and ignoring Zayn as she starts to laugh, “you break up with everyone for a dumb reason. That’s, like, your thing.”

“Um, no, it’s not,” Niall protests, shaking her head. “Name one time I’ve done that.”

Louis heaves what can only be described as a long-suffering sigh. 

“Barbara. Her favorite show was How I Met Your Mother.”

“That’s actually not a bad reason,” Zayn says, eliciting nods and a couple of laughs from around the table.

Louis holds up her hand, counting off as she continues, “Selena’s a Cancer.”

“Wait,” Selena says, leaning forward and looking down the table. “What?”

“Thanks for that, Lou,” Niall says, giving Louis a capital ‘L’ look as Taylor puts her arm around Selena’s shoulders and everyone suddenly becomes very busy looking at their phones.

“Hailee was homeschooled,” Louis says, not missing a beat. “Ellie–”

“Alright, alright, enough,” Niall interrupts, holding up her hand. She frowns at Zayn and Hot Luke, who are both trying to hide laughs behind their hands, and turns back to Louis. “Maybe I’ve done that. Once or twice. Maybe.”

“Or every single time that you’ve dated someone,” Louis says, shaking her head. “Just promise me, you won’t do that with Harry. She’s a good one, okay? She deserves better.”

“Wait a sec,” Zayn says, tilting her head and looking between Niall and Louis. “Why did you two break up? What was the dumb reason?”

“I met Lukey,” Louis says, jerking her thumb at her wife. “So really, it was the smartest reason.”

There’s a collective “aw” from around the table, and Niall is about to pantomime gagging when she spots Harry and Shawn heading back from the restroom.

I'll tag @crinkle-eyed-boo @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @brightgolden @hellolovers13 @louisandtheaquarian @absoloutenonsense @berzerkshires to share a line or snippet if you want!

[deadjam6]

Yes she almost always somehow sneaks behind Raymesis and scares him.

It’s also funny to think Selena has a morbid way of speaking and dark sense of humor.

She’ll give a backhanded compliment to Raymesis like “With your personality your death will be quite will be quite soon yet unforgettable” It would go over his head and he thought she meant he’s unforgettable.

If Glombrox was being chased by a giant monster she would say. “Don’t worry Glombrox, with your size and smell it would only take 3 days for the beast to fully digest you” or if he got lost and the group was looking for him she would say “Considering that frogs are considered a delicacy hopefully he has not been devoured for sustenance”.

Most of the time she’s not saying it out of malice she thinks a joke would lighten the mood but it instead makes her look more creepy.

PH YEA I CAN PICTURE THAT, I can also picture her making a joke about glombrox, raymesis laughing his ass off abt it, then she immediately makes a joke about him and he takes a second to process it and is like "what the fuck did u just say to me"

Raymesis and glombrox def beat the shit out of each other when they are pissed off at each other, but if any of them tried to fight Selena she would easily be able to beat them, but I don't think she'd join in on pointless anger fueled fights she'd just causally move out of the way as, say, raymesis lunges at her, she's moved to the side quickly, then he comedically slams into a tree or something and she'd laugh about it and he'd get embarrassed and tell her to shut up and it would just make her laugh more 

[freakystrashdump]

🔮The Oracle Bakery🔮

Emperor Belos|Phillip Wittebane/OC

Slow burn, enemies to lovers, Belos is a content warning by himself

Read on AO3

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Chapter 10: Bitter sorbet

A disaster. That's what today was, if Selena had to sum it up concisely. 

Today was a disaster .

Being in her thirties, one would assume that the days of her sitting like a scolded puppy at the kitchen table as she was forced to listen to the recounting of the newest havoc she had caused - were over. Apparently not, because it would seem that even as a full grown adult, your mom will never stop being your mom.

"For Titans sake, Selena, how is it these situations always find you ? " Ursula ran a hand through her greying hair in exasperation "The only reason I didn't insist you move with us was because-"

"-how much trouble can one witch get into, working at the bakery?" Selena finished for her "I know, I know." She bit her lip before letting out a snort "Well, surprise! The answer is 'a lot' , haha!"

Ursula groaned at the joke “Selena.”

“Sorry.”

Somewhere behind her, she heard Darius chuckle, followed by a little ‘oof’, probably from Magnus nudging him with his elbow. Well, at least he found the joke funny, she thought, chest puffing up with pride (only to deflate instantly when she saw how her mom’s eyebrow twitched).

“We talk every night on the crystal ball and you didn’t think to mention to me, to your brother or sister, that you’re working for the Emperor?!” she continued her ranting “Oh hey mom, Stella, Sitrie, anyone , I got roped into working as a personal delivery girl to the tyrant of the isles-” she paused and turned to Darius, expression softening “-no offence, dear.”

“None taken.” he shrugged casually. He was used to listening to any given Fortuna available trash talk the Emperor by this point.

Ursula turned back to Selena and took her hands into hers, clutching them tightly, desperately, as if afraid her daughter would slip through her fingers “Selena, my little  Lena, moonlight of your mothers heart, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to stress you out!” Selena whined, already fighting the tears. She was so weak to seeing her mom like this “I knew you’d react like this, I don’t like when you’re this anxious! It isn’t good for you, mom!”

"Oh honey…" Ursula smiled fondly, placing one hand on Selena's cheek. But it quickly changed back to anger and she stood up from her chair, opting to cross her arms over her chest "I'm a full grown woman who raised three kids by my goddamn self, I can take being treated without kid gloves on." She let out another annoyed sigh and turned away from her daughter "Darius, dear, would you like some tea?" She chirped, and without even waiting for an answer continued on "Mag, put on the kettle."

"Ugh, why me?!" Magnus seemed offended by the mere thought of having to do it.

"Because I'm older, now do it."

Magnus groaned, and despite his loud complaining and general unwillingness, he still moved to the stove to grab the kettle which was resting there. Selena snickered under breath, fueled further by the amused, smug look Darius gave her uncle.

Her mom's stern glare quickly shut her up "There's nothing here to giggle about."

Selena cleared her throat quickly "Sorry."

"Is there any way you can decline this job?" Ursula questioned "Can you just tell him you can't deliver anymore? Assign someone else? You are still working with the delivery demon, right? Just send him instead!"

It was now Selena's turn to sigh "No. He made it clear he wants only me to deliver his orders. From my hands directly to his, no one in-between." She explained.

"It's a security measure." Darius finally chimed in, surprising them both, making his way to the little dining table and taking a seat next to Selena "That way, Emperor Belos would know that if his food is tampered with, the only person who could have done so…"

"...is Selena." Ursula finished for him, eyes narrowing in thought. "Darius, you’re a coven head, so you’d be in the know, what are the chances of the Emperor just…accepting her denying him service?"

The conjurer tsk'd loudly, obviously annoyed "With everything I've heard? Slim to none. Apparently, Emperor Belos is absolutely enamoured with the human recipes."

Instantly, Ursula groaned, running her hands down her face in exasperation “Human recipes?! Selena, really?"

“Mom.” Selena sternly cut her off, knowing exactly where this was going .

“Don’t ‘mom’ me, you know your hobby gives me the heeby-jeebies.” The oldest witch in the room seemed uneasy, jaw clenched tight. “Beware the human who shall devour the Fortuna's heart.”

“Oh come on, don’t pull that stupid prophecy again . A human isn’t going to eat any one of our hearts, mom, be real.” She fought back “Humans don’t eat the hearts of witches.” she clacked her tongue.

“It isn’t literal, Selena.” Magnus threw in his two snails as he counted down the exact brewing time for the blend he was using. “People just liked being cryptic with their prophecies four hundred years ago, annoyingly so I might add. Just get to the goddamn point.” he muttered the last part mostly to himself in annoyance. Once he was sure the tea was steeped to perfection, he poured it for the entire party of four, the mugs already on a tray ready to be carried “Though she is right, Ursa, you and mother put too much thought into that stupid throwaway line.” he placed the tray on the table and took a seat himself “You both worked yourself into a frenzy over a silly hobby, no one cared for that premonition before Lena started her human junk collection.”

“...it isn’t junk.” Selena muttered grumpily.

“Well it must have been important in some way if it was written down in the family grimoire!”

“Or it could have been an ancestor who had a nasty breakup with a human and couldn’t stop trash-talking their ex even in the family grimoire. Have you read that book lately? The thing is a mess . Great grandmother Cassandra wrote an entire chapter dragging her first husband through the dirt.” he reasoned, taking a sip of his tea “Wouldn't be the first time someone in this family was being extravagantly petty, won’t be the last either.”

Darius couldn’t help the snicker that escaped him, though he did try to hide it behind his own tea mug.

"Come on, mom, it's not like it's the end of the world. I deliver pastries to the palace, and so far he has been nothing but polite to me! It's all strictly business!"

That was a bold-faced lie, of course.

"Don't try to make him out to be nice, I'm not buying it." Ursula barked "You kids may be too young, even Magnus was too young to remember, but I do." She warned, eyes flying between Darius and Selena as she did "I was around ten when he came to power, and when he implemented the coven system. If you kids had seen how bad the hunts were for witches who didn't want to join a coven…" At this point, Ursula was pacing around the kitchen, one hand lifting her glasses just enough so she could pinch the bridge of her nose. She stayed silent as she did, the only noise in the kitchen the crackling of the fire that seemed to be burning eternally in the old rickety stove. She finally stopped near the kitchen island, leaning against it, her body slumping in defeat.

“Be as it may, Selena actually has a point.” Darius spoke up in an attempt to ease her worries “Despite his… reputation of cruelty, and even I can attest to that despite working directly under him, believe you me, the Emperor…” he paused, as if hesitating “...is nothing but kind to her.” 

Selena shivered when Darius moved to look at her, face cold and calculating as he studied her, as if still trying to find the missing puzzle piece behind the Emperor’s kind-heartedness towards her. He looked away just as quick, instead focusing on the tea in his hands.

”Unnervingly so.”

It was an uneasy quiet, one Selena didn’t appreciate. A calm that felt like needles pricking at her brain and skin, as one awaited a horrid verdict. Her thoughts bounced around her mind so fast they turned into nothing but static, unable to form fully and coherently into words she could speak.

It wasn’t that deep.

It wasn’t that deep.

Was it?

It wasn’t that scary or horrible or dangerous. Sure, the first time it happened she was so scared she thought she might die on the spot, but now? As long as Selena and Midnight stayed separate in the eyes of the Emperor, it was fine. And no one was still the wiser to this, except for Magnus and gran. And they wouldn’t tell, they knew better.

So it wasn’t that deep. It was a job, like any other, which paid well, and she was safely escorted and kept in high regard.

And she’d never admit how the way she was revered by the palace staff whenever she stood by Emperor Belos’ side made her feel something akin to giddy .

Selena cleared her throat, hating how she felt everyone's attention shift more explicitly to her. She licked her lips (cringing inside when she realised that she had bitten them raw and dry) and opened her mouth to talk, but it took a second before words actually came out. They felt like they were stuck in her throat, and she had to force them out.

“It will be fine.” she powered through, somehow, with an even voice.

“Selena-”

“Mom.” Ursula was cut off almost instantly, Selena not letting her go through with more ‘worst case scenarios’ that only a mother could come up with “It will be fine . Trust me.” she nodded assuringly, whether it was to assure herself or her mom, she couldn’t say “You heard Darius, so it’s not only me trying to ease the blow. He’s shown no ill will to me, in fact, he’s been nothing short of a gentleman.”

Sure, it depended on your own personal definition of what a gentleman is, but if one squinted, they could call him that.

“And either way, it’s a fleeting thing, a passing fascination.” she continued through a strained smile “You know how it is with food, you grow bored of it quickly if you eat nothing but one meal. He’ll grow tired of the human pastries in no time, and he'll grow bored of me as well.”

A shiny bauble grows duller with time, afterall. So too, will he forget about her.

She saw her mother grimace, predictably so “Jeez, child, must you be so morose about yourself?” she chided, closing the distance between them,kneeling down in front of where Selena sat and taking her hands in hers. “There’s no way anyone can grow bored of you, dearest.”

“Mom, do you want me to quit or not, make up your mind, woman!”

And finally, Ursula let out a laugh, which Selena welcomed greatly “Oh shut up, you know exactly what I mean!” she gave her thigh a gentle slap “You can reassure me about this mess without being cruel to yourself, you know.”

“I know, I know.” the witch rolled her eyes, but still kept smiling “Anyway, I’ll be alright. I won’t be stolen in the night, I won’t be petrified, and no humans will eat my heart. Pinkie swear!”

It was now Ursula’s turn to roll her eyes as she held up her pinkie anyway, hooking it up to her daughters “Pinkie swear it is then, the most formal of all contracts.” As the older witch stood up, she dusted off her thighs and knees, now in a much better mood “So, you kids hungry? I’ll cook something up for you, no trouble!”

~*~*~*~

Escaping Ursula’s aggressive hospitality was a feat in itself, thankfully, the excuse of work was enough to pry themselves away (just barely). So the three stood in front of the summer cottage, ready to part ways.

“Hey, Darius, do you need a ride or are you just gonna…” Selena motioned weakly with her arm, face grimacing “...goop yourself back?”

Darius sighed, “As much as I appreciate your kind offer to fly me back, I can’t have the wind messing up my hair.” 

Ah. Typical Darius.

“What, not gonna offer your uncle a ride?” she heard Magnus deadpan behind them.

“No, actually, because you’re a snitch.” Selena stuck her tongue out as she turned her head towards him “You can fly your own damn self back, jerk.”

Magnus raised his eyebrow in annoyance “You know I couldn’t keep this from my sister. Even I have limits on secrets, kiddo.”

“No, I know.” she deadpanned “Doesn’t mean I’m any less angry, though. I just…don’t want to burden her!” she summoned her staff and mounted it “I know I’m gonna get an earful from Stella and Sitrie as soon as they get home from work for not telling them, too. I’m half tempted to put my crystal ball on silent.”

The older Fortuna rolled his eyes before he summoned his staff and quickly mounted it “Yeah, good luck with the calling crow infestation they'll probably send your way if you do.” he snickered “Anyway, this took way too long. I'll see you at the palace, Darius. Lena.” he took off into the air, sending a gust of air behind him and blowing Selena’s hair back (and almost taking her glasses as well), disappearing from sight in no time at all.

Darius cursed at the dust that picked up after he took off like that.

“That-” the only Fortuna remaining started “-didn’t go as bad as I feared.” she turned to Darius “Seeing Magnus there with you this morning actually made me consider hiding out in the Emperor’s writing room for the next few days - until this blew over.”

He chuckled “Lesser of two evils?”

“In a way.” she added, cheekily. However, the jovial tone returned back to annoyance fast "And to think, all of this could have been avoided if that damned Golden Guard wasn't such a kissass. Those scones were bribes for him , damn it, why'd he go and share them with the Emperor?!" She crossed her arms "See, this is why Fortuna's don't 'kiss the behinds of despots', as gran says, it gives you nothing but trouble!"

What Selena didn't expect was to see Darius's face scrunch up in ire "Come now, go easy on the boy." He started "Afterall, remember yourself at sixteen."

"I remember myself at sixteen, I was nowhere near that psychotically driven."

He gave her a pointed look "Not even for your family?"

The witch lowered her head and raised her eyebrows high, confused, as her brain scrambled to connect the pieces he was throwing at her "Pardon?"

Darius sighed, now fully turning towards her, moving in a bit closer so when he lowered his voice, she'd still hear him "What I mean, Selena, is you shouldn't judge the Golden Guard when you know you'd do the same." He watched as her brows furrowed in thought, and bowed down slightly, now keeping his voice low and deep "The Emperor is his uncle . And the only family the boy has." The revelation hit Selena like a pile of bricks, eyes widening and lips parting in a gasp "The Golden Guard is starving for any attention he can get from him, consequences be damned." He leaned back to his full height 

"So go easy on him, will you?"

~*~*~*~

"So go easy on him, will you?"

Darius left right after, leaving her alone with her thoughts of the chaotic morning that felt much, much longer than it should have. The revelation that Belos had family shouldn't have shocked her as much as it did, afterall everyone had a family.

Yet somehow she expected him to have been birthed from a failed abomination experiment gone wrong.

And as she flew home, the dreaded guilt crept back in. The guilt of lying to her family, the guilt of keeping Midnight a secret,, the guilt of making her moms anxiety spike, the guilt of the pain and grief she etched into that young scouts face, and the guilt of her constant bad-mouthing of the Golden Guard, a sixteen year old, a child , struggling to keep the only family he had happy.  It felt like a void in her gut, making her throat clamp up and mouth feel as if filled with cotton.

“Hey, what took you so long? Did something happen?!” Katya launched into a tirade as soon as Selena walked inside the bakery “Did something bad happen? Something bad happened. What did he do to you?”

Selena blinked owlishly “Ah, oh uhh, no, nothing like that.” she defended “Uncle Magnus saw me and told mom so there was an emergency family meeting.”

“Ouch.” Katya inhaled through her teeth.

“Yeah. Ouch.” she pursed her lips as she took off her pelerine coat “On the bright side, it went about as good as it possibly could, so at least that’s off my chest now, I guess.” taking a seat at one of the tables, it felt like heaven-sent to rest her bones “Thank you so much for taking over, Katya, you can take the rest of the day off for this.”

Katya's eyes lit up with delight, even as she tried to keep a worried face on “Wait, are you sure? You look super exhausted, I don’t mind staying with ya, boss.”

"Don't worry about it. Bakery is never too busy in the afternoon - you've endured the busiest part of the day already, by yourself." Selena insisted, though most of her attention was focused on Pip, now out and about and cawing to her, his talons making scratching noises as he hopped around on the table.

"...okay, if you're okay with it, I'm okay with it." Katya hummed, still uncertain.

"Yeah, yeah, you can go." Selena waved her away, using one finger to scratch Pip's head "Besides, you got that bard mentorship going, right? I would have thought between that and your part-time job here you'd jump on any free time you can get?"

The bard seemed even more uneasy. "Oh, right - the mentorship." She cleared her throat with a cough "Well…call me on penstagram if you do need me, okay?"

"Mmm." Selena answered nonchalantly, obviously more invested in whatever her palisman was saying. 

"See you tomorrow."

The chime of the bell above the entrance felt loud as Katya left, now when it was only Selena and Pip alone in the bakery. And as soon as it was just them, Selena laid her head on the table, cushioned by her arms, finally letting all the tension out.

"Just a moment, Pip." Her voice was muffled as she spoke into her arms "I just need a moment, I'm fine."

Just a moment.

The way events played out on repeat in her head felt like a carousel out of control. So overwhelming, and almost akin to feeling like vertigo. Her breath was shaking as she tried to calm herself, to cut off the stress tears before they started.

It will be fine. She just needed a moment.

She wouldn't cry, she thought desperately as she felt that familiar, uncomfortable tickle between her brows, going down to her nose. She was stronger than this, she wouldn't cry, she would not-

"Good girl."

Selena jumped in her seat so forcefully at the invasive thought that her knees bumped against the bottom of the table with commendable strength, jostling the table from its place, loudly - even making Pip have to outstretch his wings so he could regain his balance.

"Son of a-!" The witch swore through a pained hiss, hands flying down to rub against her most certainly bruised knees. "Shut up, Pip!" She hissed at the crow who by now was sprawled on his back, having the nerve to laugh at her. Yes, yes, slapstick comedy is always funny, doesn't mean he had to rub it in.

That stupid, annoying, pompous -

She jumped up from where she sat and marched over to the bench seating, taking one of the throw pillows and viciously screaming into it. She hated his stupid, smug mask and his smooth, mocking voice, and she hated how the mere thought of him was enough to snap her out of the desolate rut of misery she was slipping into just moments before. Instead, the tears dried up and the ache in her gut dulled completely, now being replaced with nothing but anger .

And, at least, with anger she could work with.

~*~*~*~

"There you are, Steve!" The Oracle greeted cheerfully "I have your order right here!"

It was late afternoon, just after closing time, when Steve, her newly assigned escort, had finally arrived at her store, as per their agreement. And Selena had already recovered from her emotional turmoil, in part thanks to Emperor Belos invading her mind and helping to clear it out with rage. Thoughts of him chased away the dark and sorrowful and sobered her up fast. And anger, well, she knew how to deal with. It was much easier to expel , so to speak, out of her system, which left her back at point zero, emotionally.

Maybe he wasn't a completely useless aristocrat dog afterall.

"Hey, hope I didn't keep you open too late." Steve greeted cheerfully. 

"Not at all, it's not even 15 minutes after closing. I don't mind" Selena smiled, taking the delivery box she had prepared earlier from under the counter. "I hope your brother enjoys these. I also packed some extra, yknow, so you have something as well before the kiddo inhales every sweet in sight." She winked playfully.

 "Nice! How much do I owe ya for these?"

"First one's on the house, my dude." She grinned mischievously "Gotta make sure I get you hooked and coming for more."

She jumped a little when Steve let out a loud 'woohoo' and threw his arms into the air. "HELL YEAH, YOU'RE AWESOME !"

Titan, so much energy .

"However-" Selena started, eyebrows raised high as she looked at him from under her lashes misheviously "-I was wondering if you could do me a favour…"

~*~*~*~

People rarely sought him out at the palace. Even less so after he became head of the Emperor's coven. Hunter wasn't stupid, he heard others talk of favouritism, of nepotism, when it came to him. And he heard how others feared him, as well. He didn't mind it, he told himself. They were jealous, that's all. Petty and jealous of his superiority, of his endurance, power and lineage. 

He deserved his spot right next to the Emperor, he knew he did. He worked hard for it, damn it !

With all that said, this is why when he heard someone call for him in the early morning as he patrolled the palace, it left him confused. Even more so when he saw the baker his uncle kept inviting over, hands full and running towards him. Her scout escort followed obediently behind her, but at a more leisurely pace.

Hunter frowned under his mask. He still felt bitter about her - he was certain she was connected to Midnight somehow. It was his own little fixation - just as Lilith was in charge of capturing the Owl Lady before, so he too tried to outdo the Clawthorne by catching the ever elusive traitor, Midnight. Perhaps it was jealousy, with how much attention she was getting from Belos as they had their talks over the Owl Lady, but he was dead set on beating Lilith in this game. Which is why his sights were set on Midnight, the wild witch who posed herself as a threat to the Emperor and with it, was the perfect candidate for Hunter to prove his worth with. He spent months tracking down every single lead, clue and rumour about the criminal he could scrounge up, tracking any and all Midnight activity he could. He would show his uncle that he was someone he could count on, someone he could be proud of.

And finally, finally, just as he thought he was finally getting somewhere , closing in on the final puzzle piece, Belos told him to drop it.

He didn't think twice about sharing the 'human' food he was given with his uncle. Not at all, he was family, and Hunter thought he might find it interesting to try, a fun novelty to share!

Which Belos very much did. Hunter noticed how his face subtly morphed from bored to somewhat interested as he explained to him what they were and how he got them, and he couldn't 't resist giving them a try. The way he lit up for a moment was unlike any expression Hunter had seen on his features before - there for a fleeting moment before he quickly erased it.

Belos kindly thanked him for the gift and asked him to leave the tray with him if he was done eating. Hunter, of course, did exactly that, giddy beyond belief at the praise he got.

Which was why, if he hadn't eaten a few before he gave them to the Emperor, he would have believed the baker had placed a hex on them after Belos called for him the day after, informing him that he wanted him to drop the Midnight hunt altogether.

"I appreciate your dedication, but your little hunt has been going on for too long, Hunter. So much so that it has been cutting into your other responsibilities." Belos informed him, words soft as he tried to let him down gently "You must understand that your duties come first. If you are to lead the Emperor's Coven in the future, you can't lose your head focusing on one thing."

"But uncle, I'm so close, this baker is sure to lead me to-"

"I believe I have made myself clear." Belos cut him off briskly, making the boy flinch "The baker you speak ill of is a Fortuna. A family of highly revered oracles, and who I keep close ties to, so I trust you to treat them with the same respect."

Hunter looked down, disappointment filling his gut "Yes, uncle. I'm sorry."

Belos let out a 'tsk" sound through his teeth, eyebrows arching up and a smile growing on his lips "Come now, Hunter, don't look so disappointed." He cooed, walking closer to the boy, a hand raising to pat his shoulder and offering comfort as soon as he was close enough "You are meant for greater things than pulling your hair out over petty criminals."

"She's more than a petty criminal." Hunter tried convincing him, voice pleading "Midnight is a direct threat, she specifically targets members of the Emperor's Coven, the scouts and the guards. She calls herself the Eclipse that will destroy you!"

"Midnight is nothing more than a mere fanatic. I've dealt with worse, Hunter, believe me." Belos assured him "You don't get to where I am now without making enemies. But this is my burden to bear, not yours." He continued on "I want you to focus on your duties. Can I trust you to do that, Hunter? For me?"

Of course he did. Despite everything, he dropped it, for him.

So seeing that damned baker, a reminder of how close he got, was more than a sore spot, to say the least.

"What do you want?" He spat out, less than polite.

The baker in question didn't even flinch at his tone, keeping a mostly neutral expression, as she stopped close to him "There you are, you're really hard to find, Golden Guard."

"Perhaps that's because I don't want to be found?" Hunter shot back, crossing his arms. She simply rolled her eyes.

"Gods, I forget how delightful teens can be." She muttered half-heartedly "Anyway, here, this is for you." She offered the smaller of two boxes she was juggling.

Hunter stared at it, offended by its mere existence "...what is that?"

"What is tha- it's a box of pastries from my shop, du'h." Well she was getting sassy "I gave you one when you visited my shop. You know, the one you took to the Emperor and subsequently got me…this gig?"

"I know what it is!" He shot back "What I'm asking is, why are you giving this to me?"

The witch paused, mouth shaping into a small 'o', and she straightened her back a little "As a thank you, obviously . " She pursed her lips "Besides, if my grandparents’ sweet tooth is anything to go by when it comes to old people and sweets, then I'm sure that Emperor Belos hadn't been sharing any of the pastries I've been bringing with you. So these right here are just for you~."

Hunter gaped at her in disbelief "...I don't want them."

"Oh…" she hesitated, and the hurt expression made Hunter feel bad "Did you…did you not like them last time?"

"Huh? Wait, no, they were delicious, actually! Really good, honest!" The boy awkwardly tried to reassure her, tripping over his words.

Her face lit up again "So that means you'll take them, then?"

"I didn't say-"

He was cut off by the oracle pushing the smaller box into his arms, much like she did the first time when he walked into her shop "I'm so glad! I hope you enjoy the new recipe, I'm just about to go deliver the other order to Emperor Belos as well!" She smiled brightly "So don't worry, he'll get his share, too, you just keep that one all to yourself."

"Hey, wait a minute-"

"Lately the Emperor has had me coming every other morning, or every third morning, setting me on a bit of a more consistent schedule, so expect me then, okay?"

"What do you mean-"

She turned and started walking back toward where her escort waited patiently, leaving Hunter behind, flustered and gaping "Well, I have to be going, I'll see you in a day or two!"

The two were gone in a flash, heading off in the direction of the east wing. And leaving behind a very, very confused Hunter.

"Wh…what the hell was that?!"

[eliza-makepeace]

Fes’ Eragon re-read part.... idk 5 or something

istg the intention is to re-read eragon, not to make a constant analysis of murtagh and just him but i just love him, i’m sorry. it’s beyond my capacity to control this. He’s on the way!

wanderer!murtagh’s origins. “he stood tall and straight” so he does...

this was SO BADASS of eragon. hardcore, but badass.

the mystery of murtagh’s fake beard: where did it come from?

grumpy murtagh my beloved.

has arya ever thanked murtagh, or appreciated the fact that he saved her by carrying her unconcious body? i don’t think she has.

he’s a boy with a plan! and he’s happy to help his friend!

he’s ready to fight off a shade even though, unlike eragon, he can’t do magic, so there’s a much higher chance for him to die. he protecc.

this description is fucking sending me sfhsdfsjf. i too gaze moodily into the distance. constantly.

during this reread i’m finding eragon really endearing, and that feeling just increases every time he says something of the sort... this is too cute. he’s decided that murtagh’s his brother. funny and sad that when he finds out murtagh actually *is* his brother he won’t be so happy about it.

my sweet prince.

@ paolini: let murtagh say fuck. #1

he also cares for eragon! i love how supportive and helpful they both are for the other. shame it all gets wrecked in eldest :(

brothers. they’re brothers. selena would be so proud and happy that they truthfully care for each other so much. also... it must have been an interesting emotional experience for murtagh to have someone be affectionate towards him with no ulterior motive (bc eragon doesn’t know who he is) and also really terrifying bc of the crippling fear of losing that bond the minute eragon actually does find out who he is.

my precious feral child. he and anakin skywalker really would like each other lmao.

so human!tornac has been dead for a few months, at the most. horse tornac has been in murtagh’s care since he was a foal, and “for many years”... horsegirl murtagh named him after tornac, while tornac was there, alive and well. he’s so weird and sweet in his love for tornac, it’s so funny. also, i hope he can get tornac back :( i’m sure he misses him like hell.

moody murtagh is something that can actually be so personal. 

@ paolini: let murtagh say fuck #2.

this is the most siblings interaction they’ve ever had. the eldest one dealing with burnout and the younger one unknowingly annoying him.

grumpy murtagh my beloved.

no one like a 16 year old to be the beacon of well-meaning idealism.

murtagh: ???????????

[dulcewrites]

Honestly Aemond being mad the morning after they sleep together is so funny to me, ‘cause my man, my buddy, my dude; you now damm well you’re down bad for your ex; like if she wanted him to be just her booty call (for the moment) he will.

It would be interesting to see her interact with all of the Targs siblings including Aemond during/after the divorce (before she decided to be talk as friends to them); like you mentioned that she would have to see them and be civil for Daella’s sake; but how would it go, ‘cause she would probably have to see them in her daughter, Alicent & Daeron birthday since she does speak to the laters; and probably Christmas or other holiday and that must be very hard, more over if Aemond, being the deaf tone idiot that he is, would bring Alys; honestly reader a better person than me cause I would make sure that he get to se his child as minimum as possible (yeah only Alicent and Daeron get love from me, they’re pookies and I love them).

Like I would pull a Shakira and her Session 53 on all of them.

Also does Aemond know that she wants more kids before sleeping together or after? Like imagine him having to meet one of reader’s new man, like someone that she is getting serious with that she feels comfortable to have around her daughter (probably after they started therapy) and Daella liking him and being comfortable with this new man in her mommy’s life 🥺; and let’s say that Aemond knows that she wants more children (again this could be before or after that night) like he probably is terrified by the idea of this guy having a permanent place in all of their life’s; at this point he is sure of his importance in reader life because his is the father of her only child but that could possibly change and it terrifies him. It would make him realize that he could actually loose reader for good, and all his chances of getting her back are in danger. I imagine that after “that” night he makes his goal of getting her back and being a family all three of them again (maybe even expand it 👨‍👩‍👧 🔜 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦).

Aemond in the djats!au gives me vibes of the song “Somebody Else”from The 1975.

Reader is “Lose You to Love Me” from Selena Gomez coded

I do want to do something during the holidays for them! I feel it would be super interesting specifically if Aemond tried to bring alys around ://. Honestly it’s kind of fun writing Aemond as delusional bc I lowkey feel like he is lmaoooo. But in a dissociative, I have to put a false sense bravado because I’m highly insecure type of way. I don’t think (at least not show Aemond and how I see him) he does most things to hurt people. He just has a default setting because of how he was raised… like a cute targ doll

Aemond probably finds out about the child thing afterwards. It probably makes the night hurt more considering they both made an effort for him to you know… not do his business inside of her. He would’ve given her another kid just based on how he feels about daella.

Daella would probably be skeptical about a man in reader’s life just like she was with alys. But I think if this man stayed in reader’s life longer than alys did in theirs she’d warm up. Especially since she’d probably be older by that point. Understanding the difference between how alys come into her dad’s life versus this new guy. Aemond would probably be screaming crying throwing up if daella had another male figure in her like that. Like she loves her uncles but obviously not the same as reader having a man around constantly. Oouuu now I want to write something about the first dinner between reader, daella, Aemond, and reader’s new man

[uncloseted]

You probably don’t even care, which is understandable, but do you think Hailey Bieber gives off high school mean girl energy? I personally do think she is pretty and successful, but i also just hate going on social media and see ppl take everything and blow it out of proportion to pit her against Selena Gomez and think whatever she says or does is out of jealousy over Selena and/or shading or bullying her (like what happened with the tiktok she made with Kendall Jenner using a certain tiktok sound, or even what recently happened with her and Kylie Jenner with the eyebrow thing) I do think they both do their own thing and want to move on, but somethings i see online seem either coincidental or non coincidental. Its social media, obvs. God knows what these celebs really do or think. These people don’t even care about us anyway so we shouldn’t play the blame game over this 😂 Overall, ppl shouldn’t encourange this for the sake of Selena’s mental health, the internet just wants Hailey to plummet and find closure that she *is* a mean person, but like I said I see things online that make me second guess that Hailey is just… off at certain times. I have so much to say about this but I cant articulate it all in one message, so Im just gonna leave it here 🥲 I dont blame Selena for taking a social media break, and i should do the same when I really feel like its best

That's so funny, I had actually just finished reading a deep-dive on the Hailey/Selena/Justin situation when you sent this. I do think Hailey gives off kind of "mean girl" energy, but I feel like people really blow it out of proportion. I think a lot of people would react the same way that she has if they were in her situation- she's constantly being compared to Selena and told that Selena was better for Justin or that he still really loves Selena, and Selena doesn't seem be able to let the relationship go even though Hailey and Justin have been married for over five years. I'm not saying Hailey couldn't deal with all of this better or that she's not being kind of mean, but I do think that a lot of the internet's hatred of Hailey comes down to the fact that she's a nepo baby with a famous husband as opposed to her actions. If the internet liked Hailey more as a person, I don't think they would be accusing her of being a mean girl.

And for Selena's part, I think she somehow gets way more hate and way less hate than she deserves? Her PR team is truly excellent- they've patched over a lot of stuff that would have sunk a different artist's career- but almost because of that, it seems like there's a group of people who are obsessed with making her out to be a giant villain? I think in general, Selena comes across as being much more sympathetic than Hailey because Selena has really worked for what she has, did "start from the bottom", and has struggled with her health very publicly, while Hailey has been given every advantage. But I think at this point, Selena should be able to let the whole thing go, and she's kind of keeping it alive while insisting that she's the victim and "being kind" and "sending love". She's also not really discouraging her fans from harassing Hailey, even though she's taking the stance of moral high ground.

Meanwhile, I think the real villain in this situation keeps getting totally ignored- straight up, this entire thing is Justin's fault. If he had been normal about his breakup with Selena and his relationship with Hailey, this wouldn't be happening. But because he very publicly ping-ponged between them from 2014 to when he eventually married Hailey in 2018 (only 7 months after having broken up with Selena, and only 3 months after having gotten back together with Hailey), it makes a lot of sense to me that both of them feel insecure and threatened by the other. Plus, Justin could have handled the media frenzy around his girlfriends differently- to this day, telling his fans, "I'm very much in love with my wife but I have a ton of respect for all the women I've dated in the past. Please don't harass them or act rudely towards them," would probably make a difference.

[iyliss]

for the ask meme: yuri >:]

Hehe the lil purple devil. lesgoo

Why I like them/why I don’t: FUN FACT before i started arc v and really was only into DM he's the one that catched my eyes (aaaand a few Things from zexal but that's another story). I thought heyyy lil dangerous teen with certainly some sadness to it sounds interesting. but then sora hit me like a truck and i haven't recovered and by the time yuri came up i was like sorry... sorry my heart is already fully owned by another war crimer. But I still love him, i think he's kind of a nice touch in Arc V to have One Guy that is just danger and mean.

What I like about their appearance: I really love the designs of every fusion dimension character I love how it integrate venitian/kind of industrial revolution-y theme. They really picked ancient gears and that judai was last seen in Venice and turned into a whole beautiful and horrible fascist aesthetic (actually it's funny it's italy) with masquerades and all. Yuri fits in sooo nice and also his colors are so bright he's really looking like a poisonous creature.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names? So once i am stuck with a name i can't let it go and i started using Yuri and I doubt it'll ever leave me but also. Joeri is such a nice spelling. I love that every yu boy get an alternate spelling that doesnt use yu and reflects where they come from (joeri feels very old european, hugo more modern and low-class, ute a bit whimsycal..).

OTP: yeah i saw Yuri and Dennis talk once and it stuck with me. Might be my favorite romantic-ish pairing in Arc V? I just love when a dangerous character who spent their whole life thinking only about themselves and not caring for other people's feeling getting stuck with a mean crush on another character who has SO SO SO MANY ISSUES and also will NOT talk about it. Learn to be nice or lose the one person you ever loved ig. Also their colors are so nice.

NOTP: So listen i rarely strongly dislike common ship but sereyuri is one of those. Not for what it is or whatever just that it is treated as practically canon and an obvious default ship for them to have and I don't really want to be reminded how if a boy and a girl are connected no matter how little they care about each other they still SHOULD have some romance between them. if it was the rarepair it's supposed to be i probably would be fine with it.

OT3: Actually no the terminology here isn't going to make me only talk about romantic ships. Listen. Yu-boys siblinghood is SO fun. Arc v manga ending this and that idc it's the last 2 page you can ignore them. Then you have the absolute beauty and passion of the yu-boys being brother (and also Isaac. Love you isaac.)

Favourite card they use: THIS GUY

The story is that, when I was in high school and starting to buy cards and watching Arc V and everything, one time I was in Paris with my mother and managed to ask her to get me V-jump issue at the japanese book store. It was one of the first time I asked to get things ygo-related and could have something special like that. And this was the promo card featured in it. Also I started playing a frightfur deck and it fit perfectly. So like this card is very precious to me for that reason ♥

Favourite moment they were in: I don't remember Arc V in real detail and should probably fix that but like... every silly face he does. Like the cat-like expression. I still remember collecting them because they were just so fun and cute.

Least favourite moment: Him smiling nicely at Serena at the end. I know it's supposed to be the reunions of the boys and the girls but they don't know each other they don't appreciate each other while would he suddenly go :) yay selena.

[bisluthq]

I just don’t think we can say “some thoughts shouldn’t be shared” while Taylor has a song saying her mum wishes Kim was dead. Women hating each other because they’re jealous is something that happens very often and I don’t have a problem with Charli expressing that. She’s acknowledging that it all comes from her jealousy and that the other person hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t think it warrants this response from either fandom.

I also don’t really care about Sabrina, I’m one of the people who’s annoyed by her, but I’m tired of swifties complaining every time someone even slightly related to Taylor hangs out with someone she has even a slight problem with. Because it’s one thing for people to talk about Selena (one of her best friends) wearing skims (a brand made by someone who really hurt her), and it’s another to hate on her tour opener because she hang out with a girl who kind of dislikes her or did last year (who also was her opener at one point). It’s just so not a big deal?

I also don’t agree that anyone who talks about being a fan of Taylor deserves to get attacked by her fans like they do. If you were a fan of someone for that many years and you became famous and seen as one of their “daughters” you would probably play into that because you would probably like to be loved by the fandom you were a part of and by the artist you’ve been a fan of. I don’t blame Sabrina or Olivia or any of the other “daughters” for talking about Taylor because I probably would’ve done the same thing in their place. But swifties are weirdos who can’t understand that you can like people who aren’t as up Taylor’s ass as they are

fair enoughish. Except like Kim actually tried to destroy Taylor’s career so as weird as it was to say Andrea and her are wishing her dead like she’d actually legit tried to hurt her and Charli’s annoyance with Taylor is… she’s better than her at stuff and was the cooler girlfriend in their friend group? SOME THOUGHTS NEED NOT BE SHARED CHARLI 💀💀💀

doesn’t warrant the hate tho.

hate against Sabrina isn’t that warranted - hate against anyone isn’t - but I just actively dislike her. And that’s on her, because I really would prefer to be a neutral and I do think she has a FANTASTIC voice like I’d love to feel about her the way I do about Ari which is “wow she has a super fantastic voice and some songs slap and she’s kinda funny in how messy she gets” but like she was shoved so far down my throat and her songs kinda don’t slap??? and she’s so deeply annoying lol and not that hot and I legit think the only reason she’s blown up lately is the Taylor thing and her label literally forcing all of us to listen to this absolute inanity. I hate it here lol.

Also partly on Taylor as I said because I think Taylor hyped her as a fuck u to Olivia because of their own separate musical beef.