#I just think about these two a lot and like. they're such good friends in my heart

[woahhitsbee]

Disrespected: P.S Part 2

NonIdol!Xafab!Reader

Seonghwa gets his shit together......

thank you @imperfect0angel for this idea. I was on the fence of doing a part 2 where he came begging for forgiveness so you just gave me the push I needed! Hopefully it was enough groveling for you :)

Part 1

CW: Explicit language

Two weeks had past and at first Seonghwa thought he was free, thought he would be able to spend more time with his friends, spend more time alone. But the more time went on the more he started to miss your presence. "She doesn’t want to do anything with us and she barely lets you hang out with us" Jongho's words stuck with him, he always thought that you were the reason he never really saw his friends, that you always made him cancel plans. But as the more he thought the more he realized that he did it to himself

"Hey babe, the guys wanted to go out for drinks tonight" Seonghwa yelled from the bedroom as you got the couch ready for the movie night Seonghwa had promised for weeks. Feeling really disappointed you knew it was important for him to see his friends considering he blew them off the past 4 times just to stay with you "oh... well that's fine Hwa, I know they miss you so we can always do this another night" you say as he comes into the living room. It really wasn't okay but who are you to get in the way of his friends (bro.... you're literally his girlfriend... but whatever) "No it's fine Angel. We've put this night off long enough" he says coming up and giving you a kiss on the top of your head. You smile up at him still feeling a little unsure, you love spending time with him but you know his friends adore and miss him as well. "Are you sure? You haven't seen them in a week" you questioned trying to reassure him that it's okay if he wanted to go but he insisted on staying. Halfway through the 2nd movie his phone starts ringing "Woo's calling. I'm just going to see if they're okay" he says quietly getting up not waiting for you to answer. He's gone for only a few seconds but when he comes back he has a complex look on his face "The guys need me to go get them. Something happened at the bar. It's a mess. I'm really sorry Angel but we have to continue this another time" he says sadly, giving you a quick kiss before leaving.

Seonghwa thinks back to that night a lot. There was never an emergency, nothing happened at the bar, he didn't need to go and get anybody. The guilt started to consume him and with every day that passed his desire to text you an apology grew. But he knew this was something he had to do in person, he fucked up, big time. He always thought you were plain, letting the words of his friends cloud his judgement. But without you here his days felt dull and just seemed to drag on forever. Every morning he would wake up hoping to see one of your mushy good morning texts or hoping that you would text him to talk things out but you weren't the one that fucked up. No, you were perfect and he hates that it took him this long to figure that out. He hates that he let his friends talk shit about you, he hates that HE talked shit about you. He had to apologize. He had to get you back

He raised a shaky hand to your door, hesitating for a second before finally knocking. What if you weren't home? What if you didn't forgive him? What if you found someone else? What i- his thoughts were cut off by the door opening (please always look before you open the door... unless it actually is Seonghwa...). You feel your eyes widen at the sight in front of you. The bags under Seonghwa eyes were very prominent and he was wearing his lazy day sweatpants. "What are you doing here" you ask crossing your arms "I um I just wanted to uh I" Seonghwa started to stutter, you couldn't help but look at him like he was stupid. He let his friends insult you, HE insulted you and now he's here at your door blubbering like a fish "ummm... I'm just going to close the door" you say as you awkwardly start to close the door "wait" he shouts and next thing you know his arms are wrapped around your waist, his face buried into your tummy "I'm sorry Angel, I'm so fucking sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me but fuck, I fucked up really bad. I hurt you in ways I never wanted. I don't think you're boring at all and I am so so fucking sorry about ditching you on our movie night. You're so perfect, a literal Angel and I'm so sorry for not treating you as such" Seonghwa was on his knees begging you to forgive him but the damage was already done "Seonghwa, you do realize that, that wasn't the first time you ditched me right? You did it during our café date, our picnic date, and on our year anniversary. If I bored you that much why didn't you just end things instead of hurting me?" you questioned pushed him off you

"Please Angel, give me another chance. Let me make this up to you. I never thought you were boring, I should have never let them talk about you like that, I should've defended you. Please, I will do literally anything you ask, I just want to make this up to you" he whimpered, tears streaming down his face. You just stood there contemplating, you loved him a lot but he hurt more than anyone ever has and you definitely didn't want to go through that again "Fine. You get one more chance but if you fuck up again then it's over and I never want to see you again" You say getting down on your knees to meet his level. He said nothing as he practically tackles you in a hug "thank you, thank you, thank you. I promise to love you right this time Angel"

[eroticnoices]

stiles stilinski x afab!reader

warnings: hand festish, praise kink, female oral receiving, fingering, pussy eating, squirting,

a/n: we need more stiles stilinski fics. so i’ve taken it into my hands now ;)

y/n, Stiles' girlfriend of two years, had an unusual obsession.

She was utterly, fascinated by Stiles' large, veiny hands. She often found herself staring at them during mundane tasks, her heart racing as she imagined those strong hands exploring her body.

one day, Lydia, their mutual friend, caught y/n gawking at Stiles' hands yet again. "You know, most girls would be staring at his face or his abs," Lydia teased, elbowing y/n playfully. "But you? You're all about the hands."

y/n laughed nervously, quickly shushing Lydia and glancing around to make sure Stiles hadn't overheard. "I can't help it!" she whispered. "They're just so...manly. Those veins, Lydia... the way they flex when he's holding something... It's so hot." y/n covered her mouth.

Later that night, Lydia couldn't help but spilling the beans to Stiles. "Dude, your girlfriend has a major thing for your hands," she giggled. Stiles stared at her, puzzled. "My hands?" he repeated. Lydia nodded, mimicking y/n's earlier words.

Intrigued, Stiles paid extra attention to y/n’s reactions over the next few days.

Sure enough, he caught her staring at his hands several times, her cheeks flushing when she realized he'd noticed.

One evening, as they were cuddled on the couch, he decided to have some fun.

Stiles flexed his fingers exaggeratedly as he channel-surfed, trying to suppress a grin. y/n's gaze was instantly drawn to his hands, her breathing hitched. "You like these, don't you?" he asked, a teasing edge to his voice. y/n sat up straight, feigning ignorance. "What? Your hands? They're just hands, Stiles." But her flushed cheeks betrayed her.

Stiles chuckled, turning to face her. "Come on, baby. Lydia told me." He wiggled his fingers at her, the veins standing out prominently. "She said you have a thing for my'manly hands'." He grinned, quoting Lydia's words.

y/n groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Oh my god! Lydia blabbe!" She slid down on the couch, disappearing beneath a pillow. Stiles laughed heartily. "It's kind of cute," he said, still grinning. "Just call me weird already!" y/m mumbled from beneath the pillow, her voice muffled. Stiles laughed again, pulling the pillow off her head. "Weird?" He traced a finger along her jawline. "I think it's kind of adorable."

y/n gawked at his hands, her gaze tracing the prominent veins and the way his fingers curled around hers. She felt a flutter in her chest, her heart racing as she stared at his hands. "They're just so...hot." she breathed, her voice barely audible.

Stiles smirked confidently, his eyes locked onto hers. "You know, there are a lot of things I could do with these 'manly' hands," he said softly, his voice laced with promise. "I could make you feel really, really good..." y/n swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry. She could feel heat pooling between her legs at his words. "Oh, really?" she asked breathlessly. Stiles leaned in close, his lips brushing against her earlobe. "Mmmhmm..."

Stiles gently pulled y/n onto his lap, his strong hands gripping her waist. She gasped softly, her body tense with anticipation. He leaned in, his warm breath fanning against her neck as he began to kiss and nip at her sensitive skin. His fingers splayed across her stomach, flexing possessively.

y/n moaned softly, arching into him, Stiles whispered hoarsely against her neck. "Can I... Can I touch you, baby? Can I show you just how 'hot' my hands can be?"

"Please," y/n whimpered, her hands gripping his arms tightly. She was lost in the sensation of his lips on her neck, his warm breath, the gentle pressure of his fingers on her stomach. "Please, Stiles... just please..." Her voice trailed off into a needy sigh. Stiles smirked to himself, feeling a surge of pride. He'd barely even touched her, and she was already breathless and begging. His hands slowly slid downward, caressing her curves possessively.

Stiles effortlessly picked y/n up, his hands gripping her ass possessively. She let out a surprised squeak, wrapping her legs around his waist. He carried her to his bedroom, his strides confident, and gently set her down on his bed. His eyes met hers, filled with heat and desire.

Stiles began to trail kisses down y/n’s chest, his lips caressing every inch of exposed skin. He nipped gently at her collarbone, his hands working at the buttons of her shirt. As he reached her jeans, he paused, looking up at her. "Can I?"

y/n whimpered, her nails gently scraping against Stiles' scalp as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Yes, please," she breathed, her eyes hooded with desire. Stiles grinned, his fingers deftly popping open the button of her jeans. "Watch," Stiles growled softly, his fingers curling around the hem of her jeans. He slowly began to peel them off, inch by agonizing inch, his knuckles brushing against her thighs.

y/n’s heart was racing, her breath coming in short gasps as she watched Stiles slowly remove her jeans. The deliberate slowness of his actions was driving her wild with anticipation. She felt a throbbing ache between her legs, her panties the only thing separating her from his touch.

Her fingers clutched at the bedsheets beneath her, her knuckles turning white. Stiles finally got her jeans off, tossing them carelessly aside. He sat back on his heels, his gaze locked onto hers. "Now, these cute little panties..." Stiles leaned forward, his elbows resting on the bed as he reached for y/n's red panties. He dragged them slowly off her legs, the fabric rubbing against her sensitive skin. As he tossed them behind him, y/n let out a frustrated whine, her hands fisting in the sheets.

y/n reached for him, her voice breathy as she began, "Stiles, please..." But before she could finish, he spread her thighs wide and blew cold air against her wet, aching core. She moaned softly, her head tilting back, her words lost in a wave of pleasure.

with that stupid a smug grin, Stiles looked up at her from between her thighs. "What was that, baby?" he taunted, pressing soft kisses to her inner thighs. He tossed her legs over his shoulders, bringing his face closer to her core. "You were saying something, I think?" Just as y/n opened her mouth to repeat her plea, Stiles wrapped his lips around her clit and gave it a gentle suck. The sudden sensation made her jerk in surprise, cutting off her words with a loud, drawn-out moan. Her back arched off the bed as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Uh-uh," Stiles chided softly, pausing his ministrations. He looked up at her, his face glistening. "Eyes on me, pretty lady." His thumbs spread her folds apart, drawing her gaze back down. "Watch me worship you, baby."

y/n eagerly pushed herself up on her elbows, her eyes locked onto Stiles' face as he buried it between her thighs once more. The angle allowed her to watch as he slowly ran his tongue up her wet folds, pausing to circle her opening before continuing upward to swirl around her throbbing nub. Stiles' smirk grew wider as he noticed y/n watching him intently, her eyes never leaving his face.

He found himself wanting to give her more, to make her admire his skills for longer. He doubled his efforts, his tongue delving deeper into her folds, his lips suckling gently on her clit.

y/n's jaw slackened as she let out a string of loud moans, her brows furrowing in ecstasy. Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment, her body tensing as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. But remembering his instruction, she forced her eyes open, her gaze locked onto his.

His grip on her thigh tightened as he shifted closer, keeping her legs spread wide. Slowly, he slid his middle and ring fingers into her warmth, his knuckles brushing against her folds. "keep your legs open for me, baby." he commanded, his voice low and dominant.

His fingers slowly thrust in and out of her, his pace gradually quickening as her hips bucked against his hand. His thumb pressed down on her lower abdomen, tilting her hips up to give him better access. "That's it, pretty. Just like that..mhm.”

His rhythm quickened, his fingers pumping into her faster and harder. His thumb swirled around her throbbing nub in tight, quick circles. "y/n," he panted, his breath hot against her thighs. "Have you always been attracted to my hands, sweet girl?" y/n gasped, her hips jerking against his hand as he sped up his pace. "Y-yes," she stuttered, her eyes rolling back in ecstasy. "Your hands are so... skilled." She grasped at his wrist, trying to steady herself as he continued to finger fuck her mercilessly.

Stiles groaned in approval, his moan sending shock waves right to your core while his own hips are bucking against the mattress in rhythm with his hand. "Good girl.." he praised, his voice hoarse with desire. "You're taking my fingers so well, baby. Just like that... keep meeting my hand with your hips.. so fucking hot.”

without warning y/n's inner walls clenched tightly around Stiles' fingers, her climax building rapidly.

She whimpered and bucked, her entire body trembling as she sought to wrap herself around his digits. Her juices soaked his hand, the sound of her frantic breathing and the squelching of his fingers filling the room.

Stiles' smirk grew wider as y/n’s body shook and her essence gushed out, coating his face and hands. He chuckled darkly, his voice laced with satisfaction.

"You just squirted all over me, baby.”

[ihopesocomic]

I honestly used to use Character AI as a form of coping mechanism with my loneliness and while I do think a concept similar to this can be helpful- I don’t think AI is the way to go. Especially, since I have seen so many cases of character theft within the website. Even people using other people’s artwork, even stealing other users’ story settings, and the things people do with it is just awful. This is just as harmful as the other forms of AI.

I am just removing it from my life because I made close friends and I found other ways to beat my loneliness. Also- it was very hypocritical of me to be against AI while using it. If anyone is reading this and is trying to do the same; I found that video games- mainly visual novels, text-based games, any form of interactive game- is a good way to replace this form of AI. You’d also be supporting creators, developers, and artists of the games- real people who made them. While I know is it hard to find real people to roleplay with- I learned to just keep looking. I have anxiety and lack of social skills so it is difficult for me as well but I eventually found friends of my own- some I met years ago and still talk to today.

It may seem tempting but in my experience, it led to an unhealthy attachment that caused some struggles in my life. It’s not a healthy or good solution- trust me.

Yep, what these two anons have to say. I'm especially sorry to hear about your experiences, first anon. That sounds incredibly rough. I saw somebody mention how these things kinda encourage and feed into unhealthy obsessions/fantasies and yep, I can concur that this is exactly what they mean.

tbh I could picture this being a hole I would fall into if I was a lonely kid in school nowadays and I think that's why I'm so vehement that it's not good for anybody. Unfortunately, you do need social interactions and relationships in order to get by in life. These character AIs can't be with you when you've had a rough day and/or you need emotional support. An AI bot can't develop and/or display actual empathy. And yes, I'm aware I sound like a character from a Terminator movie. lol

Also, yes to the part about people getting upset over the bot not behaving how they want it to behave. I feel this is part of the reason why they're eager to use OCs that people on the internet have poured a lot of thought and time into vs. something mainstream because it's easier to gather information and 'train' the character AI with.

Like Cat said, this is why we don't do in-character questions. - RJ

[lightlycareless]

I’m sorry if this is a weird question. It’s totally cool if you just delete this if it is but when faced with another guy bothering Y/N, would he be the type to punch a guy out, intimidate them, or talk out of it(y’know that suave way of staking claim so to speak) :3

Hello anon!!!

Ah yes, the ask I thought I hallucinated by some strange reason 🤣 like, I believed I already posted the answer to this but I didn't???

Either way, this gave me the perfect opportunity to do a bit of angst :) a little "Naoya and Y/N realize being together isn't all rainbows"

warnings: highschool au, kind of. slight mentions of violence. you really worry for naoya. he has yet a lot to learn about being a good boyfriend. it's the early stages of the relationship.

Enjoy!

Honestly, this moment… is something everyone around you awaited.

I mean, Naoya is brash, stubborn, rude, selfish, nobody gets along with him, doesn't have that many friends, so on and so forth.

Thus, it was only natural that he'd eventually rub someone the wrong way…

Or be rubbed the wrong way.

Your boyfriend, as stated, was a threat by himself, but when you were added into the mix, it's like all his foul traits doubled. Not to you, of course not, never to the only other person he considered worthy of him.

But towards those foolish enough to think they still had a chance with you after making his claim. To defy the heir of the Zen'in is to have a death wish—wasn’t that common knowledge by now?!

Yet, to those ignorant of this fact, he is nothing but patient enough to remind.

“—Naoya!”

It happened all so quickly. One moment you were being pestered by a faceless student, insisting you’d leave your boyfriend for someone better, a bit more grounded, implying himself to be that person…

And the other, you were crying, heart thundering and hands trembling as the horrifying sight of Naoya beating that same guy unfolded before you.

The fight did not go without retaliation of course, your instigator never intending to take your boyfriend’s punches without retaliation, which lead you to shriek when a particular sharp blow landed against Naoya’s left side of his face, prompting you to run to their side and do all in your power to separate them—

To no avail.

“Stop it, Naoya!” You cried, helplessly trying to get them away from one another; but you never could compare to his strength. Less when he was determined to continue so. “Please! St—stop! You're— you're going to— you’re going to kill him!”

“What is going on??” Nanami exclaims. It wasn't his intention to get near the commotion, always one to avoid trouble whenever possible, but upon hearing your frightened voice, he ran as fast as possible to your aid. “Y/N!”

“Ken—Kento—! You— You have to stop them!” You wailed, frantically tugging at this arm and evoking a sense of urgency. “They're going to—they’re going to kill each other if you don’t!”

The ones that ultimately manage to separate the two are Suguru and Satoru, just before the teachers stepped in, but not enough to prevent them from being reprimanded by them, taking them to the principal’s office to discuss their rightful punishment—regardless of who provoked who.

“After my family sues you, you're fucking dead!”

“Ha! Do you not know who I am?! I'd like to see you try!” Naoya guffaws.

“Stop it already!” Yaga exclaimed “You're already knees deep in trouble, the last thing you both need is to be expelled!”

Ultimately, the threat of being away from you is enough to keep Naoya willing. One would think that he'd worry more about his family and the issue this small disturbance would bring, but truth is that he's gotten out of worse predicaments: him getting into an altercation with a nobody is not something that would prevent the elders, or him, from sleeping.

Though your prolonged silence, the cold judgment imposed by your piercing eyes, and the subtle annoyance displayed in your touch would; feeling tiny for the first time in his life before you, even when you were so attentively tending to his wounds once dismissed.

“Why are you so quiet, princess? Don’t tell me I scared ya’?” Naoya begins, cutting through the awkward silence settling between the two with a teasing tone he hopes would make light of the situation—make you forget of the blood curling screams you let out when he was entangled with that irrelevant kid who’d more likely disappear tomorrow, and move on…

But oh, how wrong he’d be to choose that path. Make fun of your poor heart.

“What? Thought I wouldn’t win? You know me better than—”

“Is this what it is to you? A joke?” You sternly state, stopping tending his wounds and subsequently quieting Naoya up.

“A joke?” Naoya repeats. “A joke would be him thinking he could win against—"

“Seriously, Naoya?! Is that all you have to say?!” You cry, beginning to crack. “Why must you always take it a competitive thing??”

“Ah, so what was I supposed to do? Let him beat me??” Naoya countered.

“There you go again, taking my words out of context! I didn’t even say that!” you whined.

“Well, it’s not like you’ve given me much to work on, princess.” He scowls. “Why are you even so angry? If anything, I should be the one upset because I got hurt for you, and this is the thanks I get!”

“Oh, so it’s my fault now?!” you gasp, offended as tears began to form in the corners of your eyes. “Was I the one that wanted this—this fight to happen? Did I tell you I wanted to see you get hurt?!”

“It’s kind of expected, don’t you think?” He states, making your eyes go wide. “We’re sorcerers, we’re bound to get hurt—if you didn’t want that then maybe you should’ve considered a different career—

Or a different boyfriend.”

“Is that—is that what you’re going to go with?” you firmly ask, as if giving him one last time to reconsider his words…

Which he did after you set aside the first aid kit, standing up with all intentions of leaving the room that he realized how gravely he’d messed up, quicky to grab your arm and pull you back to him; and though the wounds of his fight made it hurt, more so since you struggled against him, he did not relent.

“Wait, Y/N, please—That came out wrong, I didn’t mean—”

“And what did you mean, Naoya?” you say, with a trembling voice that made his heart sting even more. He’s just gotten out of one altercation to walk right into another one—how delightful. “If it isn’t to mock me for worrying?!”

“No, I wasn’t.” Naoya says, tightening his hold on you, as much as he could anyways. He just… he just didn’t want you to leave, not like this. Not when he needed you the most. “I would never!”

You don’t respond, there wasn’t much to say when his words didn’t match his actions.

“…I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“But you did.” You responded, and now he was able to hear the tears that had begun to slide down your cheeks. “You… you got into that awful fight instead of letting him go and almost got yourself expelled—no, worse! Killed!”

“But it didn’t happen, you know? You… you called for help, and we stopped!”

“Because you wouldn’t listen!” You wept, turning around and taking a good look at his face. Naoya wishes you hadn’t, however, because seeing you cry just broke his heart into a million pieces. “Neither of you!”

“Y/N—”

“You were like… like an animal out there.” You added. “Nothing seemed to snap you out of trance, and I—I got so scared—!”

“I didn’t mean to scare you either.”

“Does it even matter? You said so yourself, this is what sorcerers are supposed to do.”

“No, you know what I meant—”

“No. I don’t. I really don’t know what you meant.”

…

…

…

“I did this to protect you.” Naoya quietly adds. “I just… got so angry seeing you being bothered by that idiot, that I… I needed to do something. I needed to get him away from you!”

“…Why can’t you understand this isn’t what I wanted?” You sniffle. “I didn’t want you to get hurt, no matter the reason why.”

“I know, I know you didn’t—”

“Then… why did you do it? What made you so angry, enough to beat him up and risk your career?”

The thought of being undeserving of you. Naoya concluded. Because his words had unwittingly struck a nerve, a thought he’s tried his hardest to push deep within the confines of his mind, but until he makes amends with himself, he’ll never be able to escape that fear.

The notion that perhaps there is someone better out there for you… and that person isn’t himself.

And after the way he’s made you cry, such bitter tears… perhaps that was the truth.

“I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want.” Naoya quietly concludes, making your eyes widen once more. “So I will never hurt you again.”

“Naoya, that’s—that’s not what I want!” you gasp, heart clenching at the prospect of him leaving you. “Not at all!”

“What good of a boyfriend could I be if I all I do ends up hurting you?”

“And you think that leaving me wouldn’t do just that??” you fret. “That living a life without you won’t make me miserable?!”

“It seems I already do…”

“N—No! I don’t—I don’t want that! I—I can’t allow it!” you sob, immediately wrapping your arms around him. “I just got you… I don’t want to lo—lose you…!”

Now with tears in his eyes, Naoya tightly embraces you, pulling you as close as possible as he reassures your fears away.

“Princess…” Naoya breathes, cupping your face and making you look to him. “It’ll take a whole lot for me to ever leave you. Probably the end of the world—but you’ll never lose me, ever.”

“You don’t—you don’t know how awful it felt to not be able to do anything!” you confess. “I… I tried to get him off you but I—I couldn’t do it—I couldn’t protect you!”

“No, no, Y/N—That’s my job. I’m supposed to protect you, not the other way around.”

“But you—what about you? What if you need me? What am I supposed to do?”

“Leave all the heavy lifting to me, and you…” Naoya smiles, intertwining his hands with yours. “You can patch me up after, eh? Heal me up.”

“Nao—Naoya.” You sniffle, lips trembling as tears continued to flood your face. “Promise me you—promise me you’ll always be careful… please.”

“I promise.” He says, taking your hands to his lips and gently kissing your knuckles. “Though I doubt someone as talented as me might need to make such promises—it’s a given.”

“Don’t be silly…” you murmur, he chuckles. “As long as you’re a sorcerer, I’ll always worry…”

“Good thing I have my mochi to take care of me, hm? Have me in her thoughts while I’m away.” Naoya smiles.

“You better not come back too roughed up, then. Or I—Or I won’t be able to help much…”

“Not that I need much, your kisses are sufficient enough to make me feel much—ah, shit, princess?!” Naoya gasps, startled by the stinging sensation of the alcohol-soaked cotton pressed against his skin. “Should’ve given me a warning, at least!”

“I thought you only needed my kisses?” You gently tease, he frowns. “Sorry, I just needed to clean you up before you do anything else, you started bleeding again.”

“…Fine, I guess.” Naoya pouts, hissing whenever feeling the alcohol against his wounds.

“What will happen with… him, by the way?”

“I don’t know, he’s getting expelled I guess.” Naoya shrugs. “I’ll make it happen if not.”

“Naoya…”

“What? He was bothering you—think I’m going to let that slide? No one annoys my princess outside of me.”

“… Thank you, for protecting me, really.” You eventually murmur, putting away everything once done. You then lean forward, placing a chaste kiss over his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, little mochi.” Naoya smiles, kissing you once more. “My sweet damsel in distress, are you going to nurse me until I’m all better?”

“Don’t call me that—and do I have another choice?”

He snickers. “I guess not, but you wouldn’t want it any other way, would you?”

You smile.

“No, I guess not.”

…

…

…

“I wouldn’t mind if you dressed up as a nurse too, you know? Heard it helps for a faster recovery.”

“Don’t push it…

…

…

…

here, at least.”

Naoya smirks. Maybe he should get a bit roughed up once in a while.

Yes he'd beat up someone for you, naturally. let's not forget his go-to solution in grave situations is killing someone lol.

Anyways, I hope you liked this little something!! It's kind of refreshing to write the Naoya that has yet to learn how to approach you; like, I know I tend to write him perfect in certain aspects, but he was once a... brat, I guess haha. He doesn't know how to treat people, less the one he loves! We're bound to see more of this flawed Naoya very early in the relationship and I LOVE IT hehehe. I wonder what other stumbles I can write...?

Now, take care and hope to see you soon!!

[eri-pl]

Silm reread 13: Maeglin (The 13 is a fitting number)

TW, CW, all kinds of warnings: Eol is in this part. And Maeglin. So, you know. All that stuff will be mentioned. And some discussion of what Maeglin's plans were.

Aredhel wants to leave, Turgon's reply is interesting. It's not "my heart", but "my reason objects" which a) is a rare phrasing (but makes sense here) b) it turns out that Turgon does have a functioning reason. Also, he says it will end badly for both of them. Huh. I have a feeling that turgon does not very well distinguish between foresight and reasoning.

Aredhel feels as if he was trying to command her and gets upset. I don't think he is. I think Turgon is more worried about his secrets, than sexist and trying to command her, because he is the brother. He says it, even. The problem is people knowing the city's location going out.

The only remotely patronizing thing he says is "there are dangers the princess doesn't know about". But I don't feel like his whole attitude towards Aredhel is patronizing.

Thingol hates the sons of Feanor so much he doesn't let their friends in, or at least people who are visiting them. Which… it's after he learned about Alqualonde, right? It makes a lot of sense.

So Aredhel goes through the spider-country. I knew it will appear somewhere. Her "bodyguards" are lost and have to run away, but she's fine and competent and goes to C&C's home but they're not home.

Also, only on this reread I realized, how far those journeys are. Also, elven timescales. C&C are chillin with the 3rd C on a vacation and it lasts over a year. Aredhel gets bored, wanders into Nan Elmoth and :(

So, Nan Elmoth. Enchanted by Melian long ago, but now dark, the darkest forest. I did talk about Melian being Melkor-aligned, haven't I? (Not as in: evil. As in "she was close to him conceptually by "birth" but did not join the rebellion.) This is just my hc, but I felt like mentioning it.

So, Eol. Eol is very dark too and kind of sus. He doesn't like Doriath, he fled when Melian did the Girdle (why?), he loved shadow. He is a goth and this is kind of sus. He's also pals with Dwarves (who were evil in the early Legendarium). This in itself is not evil, but feels like a foreshadowing nonetheless. Also, I think no matter his morality, in each case he would be much more likely to use poison than the Noldor were. (Maybe non-lethal poison, if he was a nicer person). Also, he invents cool black goth!mithril galvorn. And he made the two coolest swords in the Legendarium, but this will be said later.

Also, he blames the Noldor fot Morgoth's return (unjustly) and for some other things, as we see later (justly).

Also, the narrative feels the need to explicitely tell us that he is not a Dwarf, but a noble Elf. Also he is sad but handsome and has darkvision. Which is cool.

What is not cool starts here. He sees Aredhel being pretty and wants her so he magics her into not being able to leave the forest and into wandering into his house, where he invites her in.

And they get married. In circumstances not elaborated about, but even if she did fall in love, the gps-jamming trick was very not ok as a way to flirt. And yes, he explicitely did it because he wanted her.

"Nobody claims the marriage was non-consensual" says the narrative. which very much reads as Pengolodh going "I will not claim it for lack of proof, but I think it". Anyway, ok, let's take it at face value, she fell in love, ok, fine, he was handsome and had cool swords, I get it.

Aaaand as her husband he ordered Aredhel to not go in sunlight, and to not meet the sons of Feanor or even any other Noldor. this guy really needs a course on relationships. (To be honest to Eol, his parents are never mentioned and such stuff often is generational, so his fault might have been less that it feels. But still. I want to punch him.)

Maeglin. He is really good at reading people's minds, and at commanding people. Also, he's tall, dark-eyed, dark-haired, pale and Noldor-shaped. Tl;dr: he is really handsome.

Dad takes him to visit the Dwarves and Maeglin learns stuff. Mom tells him about the Noldor and Maeglin wants to meet Turgon and the Feanorians. Eol rants at him, partially reasonable (they mourdered our close kin and stole are lands), partially not (you are my son, so you will do as I say or I will bind you).

Ugh. his idea of a family. I'm pretty sure he had some orcs in the line, or at least some escaped thralls with a lot of emotional damage. This sounds like Angband logic.

Maeglin doesn't seem to love his father either: he wants to leave with Aredhel, because he learned all that he could from Eol (and the Dwarves), so what use in staying. I don't blame him. So they leave.

C&C don't like Eol (not surprising with his attitude towards the Noldor) and Curufin is said to be hasty (before it was Caranthir. I guess they both are?)

OK, I don't get it. Curufin disses Eol, but still he does tell him all he needs to know to find Aredhel (who is his friend, the book said, or at least Celegorm's). I guess this is the hasty personality at work.

Please, do not be like Curufin. when a suspicious / unknown person asks you about your friend's wherabouts, shut up, and check with your friend first. (Curufin did not have a phone, but still, he could have shut up.)

Also, Curufin, out of all people, gives Eol a sort-of-prophecy! With all the "my heart is telling me". Which checks out later.

"I can't kill you because the laws of the Eldar" — well, it is before Doriath, so maybe he still cares? Or maybe it's just "Maedhros would be mad at me".

Eol is good at sneaking, I suppose, but the guards of Gondolin are better at guarding. They catch him and, because he says that he's Aredhel's husband, they do not kill him against the king's explicit orders on what to do with tresspassers. I have no idea what to make of this whole situation (not logically, logically it makes sense. But narratively, thematically.)

Eol sees the city and is amazed, and gets even angrier and more hateful at the Noldor. It reminds me of something. "you have a lot of cool stuff, I hate you even more" is rthe exact same reaction as (canonically) Melkor has after his release from Mandos. and Turgon, just like Manwe, is clueless not reading people's minds and it wouldn't be posiible in this case anyway. And is kind and gives him the benefit of doubt.

Eol refuses to shake his hand, like an upset preschooler, and disses Turgon. He starts very reasonably (this is our land, you are proud and did a lot wring, also I don't care about your city's secrets), but then he gets on the sexism again. And heavily.

His argument is "I will take my son, but if you as the brother claim Aredhel, I am ok with this". Seriously. What. Where did you learn it? Dwarves? Are Dwarves this awful? Angband thralls? Orcs?

Also, he tries to kill Maeglin on the logic of "you can't keep what is mine", which (I am sorry to everyone who will feel offended on part of their blorbo) sounds like Feanor's attitude about the Silmarils. Or worse, depending how you read Feanor. Would Feanor rather see the Silmarils destroyed and noone getting them, or see them going to the Valar? This may need a poll. ;)

Aaand he curses Maeglin too. Idril has some kind of foresight and this curse makes Maeglin sus in her eyes.

Maeglin is going strainght to the top, he's important in the city, widely respected and appreciated by Turgon. He's got a circle of friends: people like metalworking gravitate towards him. He is in the city council, and does well and wisely. He is also a brave warrior and fights in the Unnumbered tears. And does very well. He is by far not a loser.

But. He is in love with Idril (happens, especially when you have emotional trauma falling in love is random and weird and not always with the best people for you). And he never talks to anyone about it. Which is understandable with his background, but also very unhealthy. It kills him from the inside.

Idril (who is apparently also really good at osanwe) notices his love for her and is freaked out. Which is fine on both sides. Not "fine" as "pleasant" but as "no blame here". Emotional issues often lead to someone's emotions "leaking out" and being uncomfortable to be around without any actual bounduary-crossing. Just the vibe. And Elves have this much more, they have semi-telepathy! Also, Idril is under no obligation to love him back, and she does treat him politely, so no blame here either.

It will get worse, of course. On his side. But now I think it's not. also, I need English quotes.

"he loved the beauty of Idril and desired her, without hope" — this sounds as if he accepted the fact that she won't love him. Which is the appropriate reaction. Probably the only Tolkien quote, where "without hope" is a positive. Well, semi-positive. If he had some hope (or at least'; was open to the possibility) of finding another love or learning to live single, things would maybe go better. Still, this sounds like acceptance to me.

BUT

"But as the years passed still Maeglin watched Idril, and waited, and his love turned to darkness in his heart." — waited for what???

The interpratations I can think of:

Pro-Maeglin:

waited for this feeling to pass

just generally waited, as in: "he grew and stuff happenned"

waited for something to happen even though it was not possible — it worked for Indis after all, and I'm sure he knew this story — but fully passively and with no plan to do anything creepy (which I think would be an ok reaction, maybe unwise but not bounduary-crossing)

Mixed:

this sentence and the "without hope" sentence came from two different sources (both in-world and when Cristopher Tolkien complied the silm) with different characterizations of pre-capture Maeglin

Negative:

he regained "hope" (inquotes because it's a very nasty kind of amdir in this case and doesn't deserve the word) and flirted with her despite her protests, he was a creep

was even worse a creep and waited for the opportunity to "wed" Idril his father's way or worse (not only deceit but force)

had no hope for wedding but waited for revenge "if I can't have her, I will kill her" AKA his father's way again

I have no idea what the intended meaning is in here.

The "darkness" may be anything from trauma (more unprocessed emotions), through hopelessness (if I can't have Idril, I can't have anything good and y life is meaningless) to outright premeditation for rape.

Meaglin is a very ambiguous character in the text. He will get worse, but he will get worse after close contact with Morgoth, so it isn't necessarily a good measure of his personality at this stage. But there isn't one clear reading of him, at least in the text itself.

(eol is …. not ambiguous, but very ambivalent. He's got a lot of common sense! His political opinions about the Noldor are not all correct, but many of them are very on-point and better said than Thingol's. But also he's awfully sexist and violent.)

Also, no mention of Anguirel. :(

And I would love to see a connection between his unrequited love, "darkness" and the sword. This needs some HCs one day. The feelings resonating with the black blade, making it more deadly and precise. The metal cooling the feelings, making them a dark, icy thing that cannot be talked about. definitely needs a hc or fic.

[folkwhore1998]

All I do is try try try

I will literally never forget the first time I listened to folklore. I went for a walk around the pond outside in my neighborhood and it was cold as hell. It was such a vibe you guys. I would do anything to be able to listen to this album again. Take me to the ponds where all the poets went to die.

It is so different than anything else Taylor Swift has ever done honestly. I feel it is the lyricism of Last Kiss and All Too Well but they were introduced to depression and anxiety. Am I wrong? It is hard for me to say it is an album that divided our fandom because it brought in so many fans, but i also feel there are a lot of fans who prefer other albums over folklore.

I can totally see why and how folklore brought in so many new fans. #1 It is a completely new sound from Taylor (which is how I can maybe see why some people were divided) #2 We were all depressed during COVID and this album was a really good friend to so many people during this time. #3 It took people by surprise because there was no promo for the album. She just said "Here!" I think that there was a lot of curiosity that came with the release which brought in new listeners.

There are two songs on this album I will ride at dawn for: hoax and peace

YOU KNEW THE PASSWORD SO I LET YOU IN THE DOOR. YOU KNEW YOU WON SO WHATS THE POINT OF KEEPING SCORE? I'll admit, I was not always a hoax truther. It just didn't click. But one day I had the album on shuffle and there was a switch that was flipped in my brain and wow it is just so good. Like hello? DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE SAID?

Peace is such a vulnerable song and we don't talk about that enough. It is like asking am I going to be good enough? but so much more than that. Taylor is a well loved celebrity and it isn't something she cannot change about herself. It is a major part who she is. "Will you accept the intrusive parts of myself and my life that I will never ever be able to change? I would literally die for you and I love your family as my own and I would do anything for you, but is my love enough? I'd also like to talk about epiphany. I personally don't relate to it a lot and I don't listen to it a lot, but I recently saw a video of someone saying "it's the worst song she's ever written" which absolutely infuriated me. Did I rank it last? Yes. I rank everything on how I personally connect with the song, not in terms of "I think this is a bad song." Just because I don't connect, does not mean it is a bad song. It is actually an incredibly deep song that I think resonates with a lot of medical professionals as well as people who lost loved ones during COVID. It talks about a loss so unfathomable or event so traumatic that you literally can't speak about it. And for someone to say it's the worst song she's ever written is honestly senseless and offensive and infuriating. (Respectfully)

☆ Fun fact: Whenever I am showing folklore to someone for the first time, I always play the LPSS version. The vocals are so raw and I feel like you can really feel the lyrics differently, and you can really hear what she just- which I find to be extremely important with this album.

Here are my rankings of

folklore:

illicit affairs

the 1

my tears ricochet

this is me trying

august

peace

betty

hoax

cardigan

mirrorball

the lakes

mad woman

seven

exile (the live version is a different story...one of her best performances)

invisible string

the last great american dynasty

epiphany

Folklore era favs:

lol

MAGICAL

actually sobbing. everything about this. they're all so appreciative and proud. sidenote: one of her best looks ever. dare I say it's my favorite?

no notes.

if you know, you know.

Yes.. I know we need to get through Fall, but it's never too soon to start planning. Taylor said so!

☆ Here is the direct link to the folklore cardigan Christmas ornaments pictured above:

☆ Here is the direct link to the folklore stocking pictured above:

@taylornation @taylorswift

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

Red Letter Day

Barney gets a call that Gordon Freeman had been found after ten years of being missing in action.

Word count: 4382

Notes: Another fic for my au "Aftermath" because I think its neat. I'm not sure what else to put here, enjoy the fic

Barney was beginning to remember how much he hated Winter as he stared through the warehouse window in front of him. Despite it being the beginning of March, spring was yet to come, meaning the snow was still falling with the temperature following suit. Barney had always hated the season, and as much as he tried, he could never come up with a proper reason. Maybe it was the fact it was cold, wet, and dreary, making any trip outside miserable, or perhaps it was the fact he was mainly cooped up inside all day, leaving him to get cabin fever. Or maybe it was a mixture of those two at the same time, along with the loneliness that came from them. No matter the reason, Barney kept quiet about it, realizing he had no ability to change the weather. All he could do was drink his hot coffee and put on a few more layers than usual. 

Barney took a sip from his mug as he looked away from the window, instead focusing his attention back into the room he was in. It was a storage room, full of random junk and scientific doodads Barney had no knowledge of. Boxes and crates were stacked up in piles taller than he was, stacked in such a way that it made Barney nervous even being near them in the case of them toppling over. Due to the lack of a radiator in that room, it was even chillier than the rest of the refurbished warehouse, making Barney glad he was wearing the warmest sweatpants he could find in his closet, along with a worn out grey hoodie, with the logo on the front being so faded that it was hard to make out as Black Mesa’s logo.

As he looked around, he was startled by the sound of a box slamming against the concrete floor, along with a short exclamation. “Oh, blast it!” “You alright, Doc?” Barney asked the other man in the room, watching as he bent over to pick up the fallen crate.

“I’m fine, just…hoping whatever was in here isn’t fragile…” 

Dr. Isaac Kleiner, or “Doc” as Barney referred to him as, was wearing a white lab coat over a robin-egg-blue dress-shirt and black tie, trading warmth for safety at his place of work. His glasses were slipping off his face as he moved boxes and rummaged through everything in the storage room, making it even more of a mess than it was before. 

“Where on earth could she have gone?” Kleiner asked, not necessarily expecting an answer. “There aren’t any vents she could have crawled in, are there?”

“I hope not,” Barney stated. “Last thing I want is that thing to fall on someone.” As Kleiner looked under a table, Barney spoke up again. “You think it ran off or something?”

“Oh no, I don’t believe so,” Kleiner stood up straight, “I’m sure she wouldn’t. After all, she needs to get fed eventually, so I imagine she’ll come out for that.” “If the thing didn’t eat someone's cat or something.”

“Hush!” Kleiner held a finger up to his mouth, causing both he and Barney to become silent as he listened closely. Barney attempted to hear what Kleiner was listening for, but to no avail, hearing nothing but silence. “Fie! I could’ve sworn I heard her moving around…”

Barney let out an exhausted sigh, “Doc, please, there’s plenty of those pests out there–”

“But there’s only ONE Lamar!”

“...Right.”

“Now, are you going to help me look?” Kleiner adjusted his crooked glasses, “Or are you going to simply stand there, doing nothing?”

“Uh…” Barney glanced away, thinking for a moment. “...No thanks.”

“Oh, you act like she’s some kind of wild animal.”

“It kinda is.”

“She’s been de-beaked and trained, and you know this!” Kleiner stated as he walked towards a filing cabinet near the corner of the room.

“‘Trained;’ I don’t think that thing is really…trained. My dog is trained, and I know you can train cats, but I don’t think you can train a literal parasite–”

“Oh! I think I’ve got something!” Kleiner said excitedly, “Help me move this cabinet, would you please?”

Barney reluctantly approached the metal cabinet as Kleiner positioned himself to the side of it, ready to move it as soon as Barney was. As soon as Barney placed his free hand against the side of it, he pushed, with Kleiner on the other side pulling it towards him.

Barney let out a loud yelp when something leaped at him from behind the cabinet, causing him to fall on his back and drop his mug on the floor. It was Lamar, the “Pet” headcrab that Kleiner had lost, and it was even uglier up close. As it laid on Barney’s chest, its six small, beady eyes stared back at him as he remained absolutely still, afraid of it trying to attack him. Its teeth on its stomach prodded at his stomach, along with its chipped, large front claws, which had colorful duct-tape covering the tips of them to prevent them from being too sharp. After a few moments of tense silence, Kleiner came to the rescue, picking up Lamar from where it rested on Barney’s torso, allowing him to take a breath.

“LAMAR!” Kleiner exclaimed, looking at his pet with relief in his eyes, “Oh, delightful! I’m so happy to see you weren’t left out in the cold somewhere…”

“Mm-hm…” Barney lifted himself off the ground, looking at his feet to see his knocked over coffee cup, with its contents spilled over. “Ugh…” 

Barney picked up his cup from the floor as Kleiner let Lamar go, watching as it waddled across the floor before jumping up onto one of the tables. Barney stared at it with contempt, the opposite reaction to Lamar’s rediscovery compared to Kleiner’s joy. 

“Do you even have a license for that thing?” Barney questioned as Lamar sat down on top of some loose documents. “If you don’t and animal control finds it, they’ll kill it–”

“I’m…in the process of getting one,” Kleiner stated, voice stumbling slightly. “And I hope no one finds her, cause if they do…I’m afraid of what you said coming true. I’m sure it will be fine regardless, at least she knows to stay inside.”

“...Sure.”

“Is everyone safe?”

Barney and Kleiner turned towards the doorway that led to the rest of the warehouse, seeing a lone, albino Vortigaunt staring back at them with her four maroon eyes. She was wearing a similar lab coat to Kleiner’s, with a borrowed pair of black dress pants, along with a fitted light brown sweater, with a hole in the middle of her chest for her third pseudo arm. She stared at Kleiner and Barney for a little while before Barney answered her question. 

“Yeah, we’re fine…” Barney sighed, glancing towards Lamar, “We just found Kleiner’s…pet.”

“Everything’s under control, Violet, you can get back to work!” Kleiner added.

“I see.” Violet’s gravelly voice seemed quieter than usual, making Barney’s brows furrow a bit.

“You alright?” He asked.

Violet seemed puzzled. “Hm?”

“Are you doing alright? I have noticed you’ve been a bit…closed off for the past few hours.” Kleiner inquired.

“We have been…distracted…” Violet responded. “I imagine it will be cleared up soon.”

“We?” Barney asked.

Violet didn’t answer. “I must get back to helping the others…the teleporter is nearly ready for its first test...”

“Oh! Wonderful. I’ll be there in a little bit.” Kleiner stated as Violet left the room. Barney remained puzzled, looking back at Kleiner with a feeling of unease in his chest.

“She said ‘we’.” Barney stated.

“I’m aware,” Kleiner responded. “You see, the Vortigaunts are able to tap into something they refer to as the ‘Vortessence’, and are thus all conne–”

“I know, Doc, I just…” Barney paused for a second. “If she’s talking about all the Vortigaunts, then wouldn’t that be a bit worrying?”

“...Maybe, but I'm not sure.” Kleiner stated. “Though, one of the members of the survey team we sent earlier today was a Vortigaunt, and that team hasn’t returned yet so…maybe there is a connection there.”

“Maybe.”

“Either way, I believe i’ll go and speak with her, just to make sure everything’s alri–”

Barney’s phone ringing from his pocket interrupted their thoughts, and when Barney pulled it out of his pocket and flipped it open, he saw the number was from one of his coworkers at the hospital. “Sorry, I gotta take this.”

“You’re fine, you go ahead and I’ll go check in with the others.”

Barney nodded, watching Kleiner leave the room before he answered the call and put his phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

Barney listened closely to the person on the other end of the phone, barely processing what they were saying. 

“What’s going on? 

Not going to believe what? 

So what, why are you telling me this?”

Barney listened closely, all before he felt his heart skip a beat. The sinking feeling in his chest was enough to render him silent, all before he let out a meek “I’ll call you later.”

Barney rushed out of the room, running past Kleiner in the process, nearly pushing him over as he approached the exit. “Barney? What’s going on, are you alright–” “They found him.” Barney’s voice shook as he spoke, with him barely being able to make out the words from how tight his throat was.

“Found who?”

Barney was already out of the building by the time Kleiner asked the question, leaving it unanswered.

Barney saw his own breath clouding in front of his face as he sprinted across the parking lot of the warehouse, nearly slipping on ice multiple times but not giving any time to care. When he reached his car, he swung the door open and crawled inside, starting the engine and speeding off without a single word. His thoughts ran through his head faster than his car was capable of going, slurring together without a single cohesive thought coming through. He didn’t care if he was a few miles above the speed limit; he needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. He needed to see if what his coworker said was right.

If it was truly Gordon Freeman that was brought into the ER, he needed to be there.

When Barney made it to the hospital lot, he rushed through the front doors, looking around before approaching the front desk, out of breath from both the physical and mental strain that was put on him. Through harsh breaths, he asked, “Is Gordon Freeman here?”, with pleading eyes focused on the woman behind the desk.

“Oh, hello Mr. Calhoun, I can look through the system for a ‘Gordon Freeman’, if you’ll sit tight for a moment.” She looked towards the computer in front of her, typing in something and looking through files as Barney waited, his impatience building up inside of him.

“Fuck this.” He pushed himself away from the desk, storming down one of the hallways despite the woman at the front desk telling him he wasn’t allowed to as he was off duty. Barney rushed past hospital workers, asking them if they knew where Gordon was, only to be met with worried and frightened looks along with no answers. Barney’s frustration only grew as he ran through the hospital halls, with the familiar building beginning to feel like a maze meant to confuse him. As he ran further into the hospital wing, he slammed against one of the doctors in the hall, causing him to topple to the ground as Barney tripped over his own feet.

“Sorry, I just have to–”

“Barney? What the hell are you doing back here?” The man questioned as Barney sped past him.

“I’m looking for Gordon Freeman,” Barney answered, turning around. “Have you seen him?”

“He’s in the ER right now,” The man snapped back as he slowly stood up. “You can’t see him until he’s out of surgery.”

“Surgery? Is he safe? Is he alright?” Barney questioned, walking closer to the doctor. 

“Yes, he’ll be fine, just…” The doctor let out a tired sigh. “Get out of here, you’re off duty and risking your job with a stunt like this.”

“I need to see Gordon, alright?” Barney explained. “He’s been gone for a fucking DECADE, and he’s been found again, I can’t just leave him–”

“Calhoun.” The man raised his voice as he glared at Barney with a look of both contempt and pity. “...Listen, just wait until he’s out and I’ll see what I can do, do you understand?”

Barney remained silent for a moment, letting out a sharp breath before nodding. “Alright,” He stated, defeated. “But he better be getting the best treatment in there.”

“I’m sure they’re doing all they can, they understand his reputation–”

“I don’t care about his reputation, if i’m right, that’s my goddamn friend in there.” Barney spat. “...Let me know when he’s out. I need to at least…make sure it’s…the right guy.”

“I’m sure someone will let you know.” The doctor stated. “...Now please go back to the waiting room before I call security.”

Barney did as he was told, reluctantly walking across the hospital premises and back into the waiting room, where he will stay for another few hours. He paced around the room, bounced his foot up and down, fidgeted with his hands; anything to try and pass the time as the minutes passed by agonizingly slow. After he had already been there for what felt like days within the timespan of a few hours, he saw a nurse walk towards him. “Mr. Calhoun?”

Barney’s head lifted up, looking towards the nurse before following her down a hallway. After a couple-minutes walk, they stopped in front of a door leading to a recovery room. “He’s in there,” The nurse stated. “He’s currently sleeping, so I ask you to be quiet and not attempt to wake him up.”

“...Yeah.” Barney hesitated before walking through the door, stepping into the room, seeing a curtain blocking his view of the bed. He paused, standing in place for a moment as he wondered if the face he was about to see was truly Gordon, or simply someone mistaken as him. He wondered if he wanted the answer, or if he’d rather live in ignorance, avoiding the crippling disappointment if it wasn’t the man he thought it was, but as he walked past the curtain, every worry in his mind ceased and his thoughts became silent as he looked at the man on the bed.

Sure, his body was covered with blood-soaked bandages, his right leg was in a cast, he had medical equipment around him, and he was missing his glasses, but his face was painfully recognizable. Barney choked back a sob, covering his mouth when he saw Gordon’s face again.

“Are you alright?” The nurse behind him asked, noticing Barney’s teary-eyed look.

“I’m fine.” Barney whispered before letting out a short chuckle and a forced smile. “It’s just…he didn’t change a damn bit.”

Barney hadn’t even noticed it had been an hour since he entered the room, being surprised when he glanced at the clock and saw it was nearing 10 PM. He sat on a chair beside Gordon’s bed, having moved it from the corner of the room to right beside it. His leg bounced up and down as he looked at Gordon, all before lowering his head and letting out a deep sigh. He wished to speak to him but he was out of words he could possibly say at that very moment, not to mention the wish to stay quiet so Gordon could recover without being woken up. He wanted to tell Gordon everything that had happened in his absence; how Kleiner started up another lab to continue Black Mesa’s studies, how Eli also set up one on the other side of the city, and how Barney had finished college and was able to become a nurse. Gordon missed so much, and even though Barney wished to dump every piece of information onto him, he realized that even the realization that it had been ten years would be overwhelming enough. Thus, Barney figured to start simple, and just talk, like friends, for the first time since the Black Mesa incident.

As Barney leaned back into his seat he felt the back of his head hit something that wasn’t there before, feeling bitter cold yet organic at the same time, like a corpse’s fingers curling around the top of the backrest. He swung around, half expecting someone to be there, yet he saw nothing of the sort, seeing only the beige wall behind him. Barney let out his breath, looking back at Gordon before realizing he should head back; his stress and emotional state must have made him paranoid, not to mention the feeling of his hair standing on end. He stood up, walking towards the door out of the room before taking one last look back at Gordon before he finally left.

Later that night, Barney paced around his living room, being watched by his pet rottweiler as he talked on the phone. “The Survey team were the ones that found him?” he asked.

“That’s what they said,” Kleiner stated from the other side of the line. “The Vortigaunt was apparently the one that found him, specifically.”

“I see.”

“Quite Miraculous,” Kleiner continued, “The fact that Gordon had survived there for ten years before being found.”

“Yeah…” Barney unsurely stated under his breath.

“Nevermind that, what are you planning now?” Kleiner asked. “Should we have some kind of party? A celebration should be in order for him being back, I’d say–”

“I think he needs rest, he’s…been through a lot.” Barney stated. “I’ve thought of him staying over at my place until he can find a place of his own or until he recovers, but we’ll see how he’s feeling.”

“Are you sure? I’m sure we can find a spare room in the lab for him.”

“I dunno if he’d wanna live in a loud lab with a headcrab, doc.”

“...I suppose you have a fair point.”

“It was just so…strange.” Barney stated. “They say it was a ten year coma, but I don’t buy it. I don’t buy it at all.” “What makes you believe that?” 

“The fact he was bleeding. The fact he had fresh wounds from Black Mesa,” Barney elaborated, brows furrowed and his free arm crossing over his chest. “Not to mention the fact he was found with that…suit on.” “What kind of suit?” Kleiner questioned. “Oh, do you mean the Hazardous Environment Suit?”

“Yeah. Why would he be wearing it ten years after the incident was already over?”

“Who knows,” Kleiner sighed, “I’m sure I can talk with Eli to see if he has any ideas on–” Kleiner was interrupted by a loud crash and squeaking coming from behind him, audible through Barney’s phone. “Goodness gracious, LAMAR, NO–”

“You alright Doc?” 

“I’ll have to speak with you later, Lamar got in the vents again–Lamar get DOWN from there, that’s not safe!” After that, the call ended, and Barney was left to himself once again. Barney sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket before he heard a deep ruff coming from his dog, who was laying next to the couch in the living room, with its white patches of fur on its snout showing its age.

“You hear that, Gordon?” Barney said. “You might get a new roommate…a…different Gordon.”

The dog yawned and rested his head on his paws as Barney walked towards the living room couch, sitting on it and resting his feet on the coffee table in front of it. He leaned over the armrest, scratching the top of the dog’s head. “Guess I’ll have to explain to him why you’re also named Gordon, huh bud?”

Gordon didn’t respond, instead just letting out a soft ruff again. Barney leaned back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling before folding his hands on top of his stomach. He wasn’t looking forward to explaining why his pet was named after his friend, he realized. After all, it’s not very easy to tell someone you thought they were dead for years.

As soon as Barney received the call that Gordon was awake the following evening, Barney rushed back to the hospital to visit him once again. As he drove across the city, worries he didn’t think about before began to creep up inside his brain. Even though he didn’t necessarily believe the coma theory the doctors had, nor did he believe even they believed it fully, he thought of the possibility of it being true, and if Gordon would even remember who Barney was after a full decade of sleep. It would be a surprise if Gordon remembered anything after that amount of time, but Barney pushed down his pessimism, trying to be optimistic just this once.

After making his way down the hospital hallway once again, he found himself back in front of the door to Gordon’s room, with a nervous feeling deep in his gut as he prepared to walk inside. He took in a breath and stepped inside, looking towards the bed in which Gordon was laying on, only to have his gaze met by two bright green eyes, ones Barney hadn't seen since ten years prior. Barney froze in place, staring back at Gordon, who appeared to be surprised to see him. As Barney sat down in the chair beside the bed, he swallowed hard, wondering what he could possibly say now that Gordon was awake. As he thought to himself, a question left his mouth that he wasn’t initially planning on asking:

“Where were you?”

The question lingered in the air like a foul odor, with Gordon’s brows furrowing lip quivering slightly, all while he curled his hands into fists. He turned away from Barney, looking down at his feet, thinking of something to say, though his hands didn’t once lift up to sign a single word.

“You…disappear for 10 years without warning,” Barney continued. “Leaving everyone to believe you were dead.”

Gordon didn’t make eye contact with Barney as he spoke.

“I thought you were dead and buried somewhere, Gordon,” Barney choked. “But…You’re here in front of me now.”

Gordon glanced at Barney before he felt arms being wrapped around his shoulders, tight, but not too tight to make it hurt.

“I fucking missed you, Gordon.” Barney said as he hugged Gordon, feeling the gesture being returned to him. Gordon’s hands shook, feeling weak and cold, yet he didn’t want to let go of the single shred of kindness he had felt since what felt like eternity. After a few moments Barney let go, sitting back down with red, tear-filled eyes. 

“...You…missed a lot.” Barney stated; Gordon nodded knowingly in response. “I’d tell ya’ everything, but…I don’t even know how to start.”

“Are they safe?” Gordon’s hands were shaking, but Barney could make out the message regardless.

“Who, like…Kleiner? Eli?”

Gordon nodded slightly, lips pursed in anticipation. 

“They’re alright,” Barney assured, allowing Gordon to let out a breath. “In fact…they’re excited to see you again. Kleiner especially, he’s hoping to get you back into his lab…don’t know if you want to do that, but the offer’s there.”

Gordon appeared to have had a weight lifted off his shoulders at the news, but the cold yet somber gaze didn’t leave his eyes. Barney planned to tell Gordon that they were among the few survivors of the Black Mesa incident, but he bit his tongue for the time being.

“...Never thought you’d be in the history books, did ya?” Barney let out a lighthearted chuckle in an attempt to lighten the mood. “You’re a hero in everyone’s eyes, now.”

Gordon shook his head, looking down and away from Barney’s gaze as he clasped his hands together on his lap. Barney stared at him with a look of confusion and worry, all before forcefully clearing his throat. 

“I’m just…happy to see you alive, Gordon.” Barney stated. “After…a few years I began to…to lose hope.” Barney paused for a second, realizing Gordon was still not meeting his gaze. “...Should’ve known you were a tougher son of a bitch than that, I guess.”

Gordon scoffed slightly before shaking his head again, still staring at his feet. Silence fell as Barney attempted to think of something else to say to ease the tense atmosphere, though his thoughts were blank and void of any ideas. Barney looked towards Gordon yet again, seeing he was raising his hands up to sign something:

“Missed you too.”

Barney smiled slightly, despite feeling as if he wanted to cry right then and there. He never anticipated he’d be this emotional in his life, yet here he was; about to cry for the second time that day. Seeing his legally dead friend after ten years of being missing in action was enough to warrant it, he supposed.

“I’m sure the others will be happy to show you everything they’ve been working on,” Barney said, with Gordon finally looking back up at him, before looking directly behind him, “They’ve been working on a new telepor–”

Gordon flinched, staring at something behind Barney before attempting to crawl backwards, nearly ripping off his IV in the process. Barney looked behind him, seeing nothing but the wall before he heard a loud thud coming from the bed. He turned, seeing Gordon had fallen off of the bed and onto the cold linoleum floor. “Gordon!” Barney quickly ran to his aid, holding out an arm for Gordon to grab, lifting him off of the floor. When weight was put onto his right leg, Gordon grimaced, using Barney as leverage as he was put back onto the bed. “Jeez Gordon, what got you freaked out so ba–”

Barney was silenced when Gordon hugged him without warning. Barney could hear him quietly sobbing into his shoulder, and as he returned the hug, he wondered if he had ever seen Gordon so touchy before; It was as if he hadn’t had human contact in days. This time however, Barney wasn’t quick to let go. The last thing he wanted to do was leave his best friend behind again.

Not this time.

[piko-power]

My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)

When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.

She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.

She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.

She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.

...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.

Remember this line?

You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:

Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?

...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)

As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.

She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.

I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.

...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.

I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.

And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.

She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.

During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.

She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.

But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.

Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.

...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?

But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.

If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.

I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.

She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.

Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.

So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.

She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.

For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.

She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.

But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.

If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.

But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.

He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)

She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.

He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.

Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.

They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.

None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.

It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.

Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.

She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.

She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...

She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.

I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.

How much he loves her.

And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.

Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.

It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.

She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.

I feel like this moment here...

-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.

Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.

And it's all thanks to Sonic.

If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.

Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.

He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.

Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.

Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.

They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.

"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

5, 18 & 19 for the fanfic ask!

Hello and thank you for the questions!!

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

“I have to say, Blanche,” Rose says, settling back against Blanche’s side, “I know you explained it to me, but I still don’t get it.”

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I don't really keep deleted sentences/paragraphs, unless they're full concepts for a scene that I might want to use in another WIP, but I did find a couple of sentences from an early draft of i would have said impossible [...] that got heavily edited by the final cut. I'll bold the parts that got kept in the final work:

"She likes to think she hid it well. She tried to, at least; bit back the most acidic jokes, tried to keep a hold on her sarcasm. It's not her roommates' fault if she's had a bad day, is it? So she tries. She listens, and she's patient, and she's affectionate -- and they seem happy. That must count as a success.

And yet, when she's finally alone in her room and ready to call it a night -- then Rose comes, carrying tea and cookies on a tray.

It's strange. She told Ma earlier that she'd like to be alone tonight, and before the door opened she only wanted to get into bed and forget everything until tomorrow morning. Then Rose came in, and she'd be lying if she said a single hint of her perfume and a single glance at her reassuring smile aren't enough to calm her nerves."

The gist of the passage remained more or less the same, but I hope it counts anyway!

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

I'm not sure I can choose the most interesting one -- I love learning and I've had a lot of fun with every rabbit hole I've found myself in for a fic! The most charming one, though, was definitely the little ornithology detour I went on while I was writing sonata for trio, which was a classic case of 'I only needed to find the right simile to add in this sentence, how the hell did I end up on the Wikipedia page for the American Robin?'. I learned a lot, and birds are so cute -- especially robins!! I had a great time reading about them :)

(I'm not counting my research on karst and sinkholes as a valid answer for this questions, because I already knew the topic well enough, but I did spend a lot of time fact-checking what I wrote. I don't want to spread misinformation!)

[✍️ more fic writer asks!]

[horsemage]

I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

It's getting to the point where instead of being encouraged, I just get pissed when people tell me their friends' success stories with getting jobs as software devs without formal education.

Everyone is like "oh yeah my friend did it without a degree, you can too!" And I'm like ok how did they get past the auto rejectors that won't even look at you if you don't have a degree? How good were they before they were hired, and who supported them while they educated themselves? Or who agreed to take them under the wing and give them a chance even though they were green?

I know people are trying to be encouraging but it's starting to feel less like "I believe you can do it" and more like "if you haven't done it yet, what's wrong with you?" They'll be like "you don't need a degree to succeed, just a willingness to learn" and I'm like, I know that as well as anyone, but to the people responsible for making budget decisions, I'm too much of a risk. What do I have to show for myself to them?

Like at the end of the day it just feels like either these folks were super lucky or I'm super unlucky and either way, hearing their stories doesn't usually help or encourage me. I'm fighting an uphill battle here trying to convince folks who think we're in an economic downtown, that a US-based junior developer is a good investment. Yuck. If you don't have anything helpful to say then at this point just don't say anything 😭

[straightlightyagami]

you know until relatively recently i thought i'm at least like.. noticeably above average appearance-wise, i took it basically as a given since i was a little kid. but then i realized i'm actually ugly as fuck and nobody would ever pay any attention to me or find me good-looking or hot or whatever and i will be alone forever and die alone. so.

[fingertipsmp3]

Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself

[blujayonthewing]

I realized a little while ago that, thinking over my whole life, I don't think I've ever been the person to ask someone else if they want to hang out with me. Like... ever...? I've been to people's houses and they've been to mine, I've met up with people out and about, but the closest I've come to initiating those conversations has always been, like, putting an open call on facebook. And now I'm over thirty and the idea of even trying-- even with, like, my mom, or nearby irl friends who would clearly definitely be up for it-- makes me feel like throwing up

[bird-likes-to-fandom]

You know, as annoying as Mom Friend' Constance HCs sound, we could very well be living in the worse timeline where the fandom hates her because she 'has a good life but still complains about it'

oh, god. you have a point there

[eggmeralda]

just woke up from the best film I've ever watched in my life only to realise it was a dream