#I just started this show in 2022 how has it consumed me so much?

[quinloki]

True Love

Me: *trying to decide what One Metal Poster I want with my 30% coupon.*

Also Me: *Accidentally creating a MEGA 9-Part Metal Poster of fave One Piece Characters*

My Goddamn Spouse: Okay, but when you buy that I want the coupon you're gonna get from it.

[motomam1]

MOTOMAMI | see you in formula one

series masterlist | navigation

warnings: self-doubt, angst word count: 3.4k summary: it's the final race of the 2022 f2 championship, is valeria ready to give it her all to win the champion title and enter formula one?

FIDGETING WITH THE rings on her fingers, Valeria didn’t pay much attention to the race engineers debriefing after the qualifying that afternoon. She drowned out the conversations around her as the doubt and worry consumed her senses, her mind filling with endless thoughts about what could happen at the race tomorrow.

Her qualifying didn’t go bad per se; She earned herself P2 for the starting grid, one place right behind Felipe Drugovich who has been her biggest rival during the championship. He was always there, either a few points behind or ahead of her. Whatever happens at the race would break or make the other’s standing. 

“... Valeria?” Cecília gently shook the girl next to her, her face showing signs of worry as she looked at the young driver. “Is everything alright? We need you to pay attention, linda.” 

“Sorry, zoomed out for a second,” trying to shake off her intrusive thoughts, Valeria pulled herself together. “I’m all ears.” She smiled at the team, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

The debrief was over and before anyone could say anything, Valeria had bolted out the door to reach her driver’s room. She had to gather herself before facing the people outside the motorhome. Taking deep breaths, she pulled out her earphones and clicked onto her paddock playlist. The soothing voice of Kali filled her ears, instantly calming her a little as she thought of her friends. If Kali would be here right now, she’d know exactly how to lift Valeria’s mood. 

A text of Benny, her PR manager and childhood friend, ripped her out of her thoughts. 

We’ll leave soon, okay?Didn’t want to disturb you since I know you probably want to be alone right now

Smiling slightly, she appreciated how considered he can be at times like these. Valeria valued her friendship with Benny a lot, even more so now that he’s working with her and was there for her at every race because of that.

Shooting him a short reply, she sighed as she packed her necessities together. Ready to leave with the safety of her music blasting through her ears, Valeria decided it was best to find her team to drive back to the hotel.

Opening the door, she let out a gasp of shock as she saw Felipe in front of her, his fist raised to knock. “Oh fuck, you scared me!” It slipped out of her mouth faster than she could think. Pulling her earphones away, she looked at him in question. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry,” the Brazilian sheepishly apologised, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I just wanted to wish you luck for your race tomorrow.” He held out his hand for her to shake. “No matter who wins. No bad blood, right?”

“Uh…” She looked at him, unsure how to process his appearance. She didn’t know whether to take his words seriously or not, Valeria opted to not be a total asshole, Valeria appreciated his gesture more than doubting his intentions.

So, she took his hand and shot him a genuine smile. “Thank you, likewise. May the better one win, I guess.”

“Oh I’ll make sure of that,” he smiled teasingly. Laughing, Valeria slightly hit his chest. “Yeah right. Good joke.” He laughed as well. 

“So… see you tomorrow?” They made their way out of the motorhome together, coming to a halt when their ways parted. “Or more like, you’ll see me since you’re behind me.”

Laughing again, Valeria slapped his arm. “What happened to the shy teammate I had in Formula 3? I think I liked that Felipe more.” She shook her head, still smiling at her former teammate. 

“I guess he grew up,” Felipe shrugged, growing more serious for a second. “I do hope for a good race tomorrow, no matter the outcome.”

“Me too.” They smiled at each other for a second before the moment was interrupted by Benny walking up to them. “Vale! Our ride’s here- Oh, hey Felipe.” He looked between the two drivers, trying to read the atmosphere. Sensing no stress, he sighed in relief. “Our ride is here, just wanted to inform you.”

“Oh, yeah, thanks.” Valeria turned to Felipe. “Sleep well tonight before I beat your ass tomorrow.” 

Felipe grinned at her. “Whatever makes you sleep at night.” They chuckled before wishing each other a good night and parting their ways. 

“All good?” Benny asked Valeria as they turned to leave the paddock. He took one more look at Felipe behind them, shrugging it off. 

“Yeah, all good.” She bumped her shoulder into his, wrapping her arm around his shoulder as they left for the hotel. “Everything’s gonna be good.”

Everything wouldn’t be good. The guilt, the doubt and the worry came flooding all back when Valeria found herself alone in her hotel room at night. While the whole city was sound asleep at an hour like this, she was pacing around her room with her hands nervously combing through her hair. 

She went through every possible outcome of tomorrow’s race, but got ultimately stuck on the negative ones. She couldn’t bear the thought of getting out of the car and meeting all the disappointed faces of her team, of the Prema Racing team, of the Mercedes team and Toto. Valeria knew she had a shot at the free seat at Mercedes for the next Formula One season, it was just one race away from being hers. 

“We want to see how well she performs under real pressure.” Is what Toto had said to Victor, her manager, when discussing the terms of her possible contract. “If she wins the championship, she’s in. That’s our one condition.” 

Balling her hands into fists, Valeria could see her younger self staring back at her reflection through the bathroom mirror. She felt like back in the US when she drove her little rundown kart at various competitions, the laughs and teasing from her competitors ringing in her ears. 

“Who let her drive here?”

“I didn’t know they let charity cases like her into the karting competitions now.”

“It’s cute that she thinks she actually has a chance at winning.”

Splashing her face with water, she looked at her shaking hands as the water slipped through her fingers. She gritted her teeth in anger, sinking down on the bathroom floor. The tiles felt cool against her back, the temperature change calming her nerves for a little bit. 

Will the self-doubt ever end? She asked herself, knowing that deep down she knew the answer was ‘no’. Before the qualifying, Valeria had talked to Lewis for a brief minute. 

“Kick their asses, alright?” He had smiled at her, petting her head as if she was his little sister. “I want to see you next year on the podium next to me.” He had given her a little push, his significant laugh filling the air. She had answered him with a nod, a smile of her own facing him. But inside of her the turmoil hadn’t stopped.

Breathing through her nose, Valeria knew it made no sense to let the doubt plague her any further. She wished she could just mute her own head. Closing her eyes as she still laid on the bathroom floor, she envisioned what it would feel like to win. She would reach that one goal she only dreamed about; Becoming a champion and advancing to the top. 

Valeria knew she had to win. If not for the seat at Mercedes, then for little Vale who had done everything in her power to get her where she is now. 

THE NEXT MORNING came around faster than she had imagined. Not sleeping much that night, her drumming thoughts made the time pass quicker than she had anticipated. Groaning as her alarm went off to remind her to get ready soon, Valeria popped some Ibuprofen to get rid of the hammering headache. 

“Don’t you look like an angel,” Benny teased his friend as soon as Valeria stepped inside the breakfast room of the hotel. Shooting him a glare, he knew better than to push any more of her buttons. “Okay, not in the talking mood, I get it.” He raised his hands in surrender.

“I’m sorry for being an ass,” she sighed in defeat, rolling the food on her plate from one side to the other with her fork. “It’s just-” She stopped when Benny put his hand over hers, stopping her motion.

He looked her into the eyes, his smile genuine. “Vale, I know. I get it. It’s alright.”

Valeria knew he meant the best for her with his words, but something in her bubbled with anger. He did not get it. He had never found himself in her position, so how would he understand what she’s going through? 

Pulling her hand away, she nibbled on her lips as she decided it was better to just not say anything at all. He sent her a pressed smile before continuing to eat his foot. 

“How’s my little star doing?” Victor, her manager, came up behind her and put both his hands on her shoulders, slightly massaging her. “Oh, you’re tense.”

“What did you expect?” She snapped, mumbling a small sorry after realising she had come off as a little too harsh. “Ugh, I hate myself right now.” She held her head in her hands. “I’m awful.”

Victor and Benny exchanged looks with each other. Her manager turned to Valeria, “Well, it’s all going to be different in a few hours. We have faith in you, even if you don’t have it in yourself right now. The more you pressure yourself, the worse you’ll be able to focus.”

What was supposed to be encouraging made Valeria sigh even more. She was pressuring herself a lot right now and it’s not like she can just turn off those feelings, so does that mean she’ll lose it all in the race?

“Come on, eat up so we can go to the paddock.” Victor patted her shoulder, pointing towards the plate which had all the nutritions she’d needed for the race on it. “Benny, make sure she eats it up.” With that, he left as he picked up a phone call.

Forcing the food down her throat despite the nausea growing inside her, Valeria and Benny made their way towards the car where the rest of her team waited for her. Rio, her trainer, shot her a smile of encouragement as he opened the door for her. “Here you go, future champion.”

During the ride, everyone seemed to talk over Valeria’s head about the upcoming race while the girl had her headphones on to avoid any conversation. She already dreaded the celebrities who were at the paddock for the Formula One race which would take place after the Formula Two one. 

Of course the paddock was packed with people from all over the world. Drivers, their team, the media and celebrities crowded the entrance as Valeria got out of the car. In an instant, she found herself surrounded by various interviewers bombarding her with questions about the upcoming race. Before Valeria could even digest all the information thrown at her, Rio had stepped in and pushed the reporters away as gently as possible to avoid any drama.

“No questions right now.” She could hear Victor behind her as Rio shielded her from anyone further invading her space. Quickly pushing through the crowd, the team was able to avoid any more complications upon arriving at the motorhome. Valeria felt her shoulders tense even more when seeing her engineers and mechanics inside the garage, all of them putting their hopes for the win on her. 

Up until two hours before the race, Valeria felt as if the time was passing by slowly. Everything blurred into each other when sitting down to discuss the strategy for today’s race. They kept telling her what to do, but the only thing she could focus on was her racing heartbeat. 

When it was time to prepare mentally for the race, when she finally found some time to cool down, Valeria distanced herself from her team and the garage. “I just need a moment for myself.” She told the others, earning concerned looks from them before walking off.

How am I supposed to last in Formula One when I’m already so stressed out now? 

Sitting down in a more secluded era, she felt like she could finally breathe for a second without anyone looking down on her. She knew they all meant well, however, it just all felt overwhelming to the point where she could lash out and scream at everyone out of frustration. 

Looking down on her phone, she contemplated whether or not to call Tyler. As someone who understood the struggle of not wanting to disappoint his fans, she knew he’d find the right words to calm her nerves without the typical ‘you can do this!’ bullshit. 

“¿Oye hablas español?” 

Valeria got ripped out of her thoughts, the unfamiliar voice making her furrow her brows in confusion. Looking up, she saw a man walking up to her with a big smile painted on his face. Turning her head to her side, seeing if he was talking to her or not, she raised her brow at him in question. “¿Qué?”

“I know a Latina when I see one.” He laughed, sitting down next to her without asking for permission. Valeria’s mood soured a little, she wanted a moment alone and he just bursted in without a thought. However, there was something so soothing about his presence that she couldn’t describe in words.

“I’m sorry but, who are you?” She asked, the confusion clearly taking over her whole demeanour. 

“Filly,” He stretched out his hand towards her to shake. “Sorry for just coming up to you. You looked a bit grim and I figured you’d need some cheering up.” Scanning her outfit, noticing her driver's suit, his eyes widened for a second. “You a driver?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged, taking his hand before shaking it. “Valeria.”

“I’m really sorry, I’m kinda new to the Formula world. Didn’t know they had a girl.” Filly chuckled. “But that’s good, aye?”

“I’m not in Formula One.” She corrected him, smiling a little. “Formula Two, actually.”

“Oi, that’s impressive. Good thing I came earlier, so I can watch your race.”

“I mean, I don’t know if it’s going to be as spectacular as the Formula One one.” She shrugged, dropping her shoulders a bit. 

“You just gotta make it interesting, then.” He pushed his shoulder slightly against hers. “You nervous?” He made it sound like a question, but they both knew it was more of a statement. 

“There’s… I guess you could say a lot depends on how I do today.” Valeria wasn’t about to share the whole story, and thankfully, she felt as if Filly understood. “Lots of pressure, you know.”

“I figure, the more you stress, the more you’re setting yourself up to fail.” He just said. 

Letting his words sink in for a second, Valeria found herself agreeing with him. “But I just can’t make it stop. Otherwise, trust me, I would’ve done that already.”

“I’m not a racer, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe once you enter the car your worries will go away.” He sent a small, comforting smile her way. “And then, when you achieve what you set your mind up to, find me afterwards and the first round is on me.”

Giggling at his statement, she nodded. “Now I have to win, don’t I? For the shots, at least.” 

“I guess now there’s no other way to go.” He stood up, holding his hand out to help her up as well. Dusting her suit off, she looked up to him. “Is it weird if I hug you?” Bursting out in loud laughter, Filly wrapped his arms around her shoulders to embrace her in a hug. Valeria felt a little lighter, some of the worry falling off her chest. 

“I’ll be at the finishing line, yeah?” He winked at her before waving her goodbye. 

“I bet on it.”

FILLY WAS RIGHT. The moment Valeria had entered her car, her helmet secured on her head, her visor down, her hands gloved up and feeling the familiarity of her wheel under her fingers, she felt her worries and doubts zooming out. Her eyes were fixated on the red lights, a quick glance towards Felipe slightly in front of her, the roaming of the motors hammering through her helmet into her ears. 

It’s lights out and away we go!

Her reaction time was good, though so was Felipe’s. She couldn’t get in front of him, him quickly defending his place when she tried to push past him. Looking behind her, Valeria could see the chaos behind her. The start was always the most nerve wrecking in her opinion, everyone trying to gain as many positions as possible.

She figured it’d make more sense for her to try to overtake Felipe later on, focusing more on keeping her position as second place until everyone had spread throughout the track a little. Hopefully, she was making the right decision on it.

It wasn’t up until a couple laps left when she found a moment to overtake her rival. She had tried many times throughout the race, her mind filled with possibilities on how to get the win while simultaneously defending her current place. Valeria had waited for a moment of weakness of the Brazilian, a small mistake which could lead her to victory. 

She grew almost frustrated by his defending skills, her grip tightening around her wheel. Her focus was slipping away second by second as she kept trying without getting any closer to her goal. 

“The more you stress, the more you’re setting yourself up to fail.”

Taking a deep breath, Valeria detached herself from the nagging thoughts. Feeling herself becoming lighter and lighter, her eyes focused on the car in front of her. She felt like Felipe was taunting her a little.

“You just gotta make it interesting, then.”

“I’m going all in.” She unpressed the button which connected her to her team, drowning out their response before pressing the gas pedal even more. Iit was now or never. 

I will not lose this close to winning.

Valeria couldn’t remember what happened afterwards. 

The adrenaline was spiking high, the blood rushing faster than the cars on track through her veins and her nerves were skyrocketing through the roof. It felt as if someone else was taking over her body, her decisions and choices feeling surreal. 

The next moment she felt like she was back on earth was the moment she drove over the finishing line, the chequered flag waving at her. She couldn’t properly breathe, the screams of excitement filling her ears as her team principal shouted into his mic.

“YOU’RE A CHAMPION.”

I’m a champion.

Her legs were shaking as she stepped out of the car once she was parked. Immediately, her team ran up to her and smothered her in hugs, all of them knocking on her helmet while grinning from ear to ear. 

Valeria couldn’t even come up with any words, her mind completely blank as she pulled her helmet off. Breathless, she looked at her team, her engineers, her mechanics. They all waited for her to say something. 

“I’m a fucking champion.” She laughed as she held her helmet high up in the air. “¡Un maldito campeón!” She jumped up and down, the realisation kicking in and her emotions running absolutely wild. 

Felipe came up to her after getting out of his car. He held his hand out, a smile gracing his features. “You really didn’t make this race easy.” 

Looking down on his hand, Valeria shrugged before giving him a hug instead. “Never said I would.” 

“¡VIVA MÉXICO CABRONES!”

She was swept off her feet, her father holding her up as he yelled at the top of his lungs. A Mexican flag was tied around his shoulders. Laughing at his antics, she joined him as they chanted the national anthem of their country. 

When the official celebrations came around, Valeria was close to tearing up as she stood on the highest step of the podium. The flag, which was previously around her father’s shoulders, was now tightly tied around her. As the trophy was handed to her, she had the proudest smile on her face. 

In the crowd below her, she could spot Toto. He gave her a thumbs up, a smile matching hers on his lips. Grinning, she pointed towards the Mercedes logo which was stitched on her suit. 

See you in Formula One next year!

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[musicforastylesrestaurant]

I’m Still Standing.

masterlist || ask me anything <3

author's note - this concept came into my head really randomly and it’s the most angsty thing i’ve ever written on this account, so i hope it’s good for you all!!

please understand that i’m not trying to portray harry’s fans as people who would laugh about scars, i made this up so it would fit the outlook for the story.

word count - 6.8k

in which, you and harry first met when you auditioned to be a member of his love band, since then, your relationship has only just got better, friends turned to best friends and best friends slowly morphed into lovers. it was definitely love at first sight. but in december of 2022, you were the victim of an accidental road injury, you were hit by a car. it took a long time for you to recover, your fiance tried to cancel the shows so that he could care for you but you didn't want him to miss anything, so whilst he toured oceania and asia, you stayed home. june, 2023 was when you thought you were ready to appear on stage again, but that all takes a turn for the worst when some fans make some nasty remarks, but harry's quick to remind you, that you're still standing better than you ever did.

trigger warnings - mentions of panic attacks and car accidents, mentions of scars and hospital terms, mentions of mental health and body dysmorphia.

You stand backstage, your fingers nervously strumming the strings of your guitar, trying to get it into tune. This audition for Harry Styles' tour band feels like the culmination of all your hard work and dedication. 

The stakes are high, and the nerves threaten to consume you.

You didn’t really know what you were doing there, your mother had recorded you playing your guitar in front of your dog Monty and had posted it on her facebook, loads of people saw it and that was when you got an email from Columbia Records requesting that you come in for an audition, apparently Mr. Styles was looking for someone to join his band for his 2018, Live On Tour, tour.

To say you were nervous would definitely be an understatement, your hands were shaking and you didn’t really know how to stop them from doing it.

Just as doubt starts to creep in, the sound of the door creaking open catches your attention. 

Your eyes go wide when you turn around and there he is, Harry Styles himself, leaning casually against the doorframe with that captivating smile on his face.

He was wearing a black loose fitted shirt, with flamingos adorned over the material, the buttons not fully done up so you could see the tips of his swallow tattoos peaking through, his legs were fitted with a pair of beige trousers and some yellow loafers attached to his feet.

He looked good.

"Hey there," he says in his velvety voice, his eyes twinkling with warmth. "You must be the talented guitarist I've been hearing so much about."

For some reason, your breath caught in your throat, resulting in you losing the ability to respond back to him.

Your heart skips a beat, and you struggle to find your voice. "Uh, yeah, that's me. I'm a big fan, by the way."

Way to embarrass yourself, (Y/N).

Harry chuckles, his laughter like music to your ears. "Well, I'm flattered. But remember, I'm just a guy with a few decent songs. No need to be nervous."

A few decent songs, he definitely needed to be humbled. His songs were like going to space, beautiful and rare, there was hardly any music like his nowadays.

His words instantly put you at ease, a wave of relief washing over you. You offer a shy smile and respond, "Thanks, Mr. Styles. I needed that."

He steps closer, his eyes fixated on your guitar. "Mind if I take a look?"

Harry Styles wanted to hold your guitar.

Harry Styles, heartthrob, wanted to hold your guitar, how could you ever say not to that.

Control yourself.

You nod and hand him the instrument, your fingers lightly brushing against his. Call it cliche, but a jolt of electricity shoots through you, and you can't help but blush. 

Harry strums a few chords, effortlessly coaxing a beautiful melody from the strings.

"Sounds fantastic," Harry remarks, returning the guitar to your waiting hands. "I think you're going to fit right in."

Your confidence begins to soar as Harry's charm wraps around you like a warm embrace. The audition becomes less daunting with every word he speaks, his encouragement laced with playful banter.

"So, do you always have this effect on musicians?" you tease, a twinkle in your eye.

Harry smirks, leaning in closer. "Only the ones who make my heart skip a beat."

Your breath once again caught, you made his heart skip a beat?

His words catch you off guard, and your cheeks flush with a mix of surprise and excitement. You try to maintain your composure, but deep down, you can't deny the flutter of anticipation building within you.

He was really good looking.

You didn’t even know that you were auditioning until the audition progressed, your fingers gliding effortlessly across the strings, the music resonating with every fiber of your being. Harry's presence fuels your performance, his voice blending seamlessly with your guitar, creating a harmonious masterpiece. It's as if you've been playing together for years.

Maybe that was how it was supposed to be.

In between your audition, Harry flashes you a sly grin and quips, "You know, if you keep playing like that, I might just fall head over heels for you."

You blushed once again.

Your heart skips a beat, and you laugh nervously, attempting to hide the blush that creeps up your neck. "I think I'd be okay with that."

Did you really just say that?

The air in the room crackles with a charged energy, and you find yourself lost in a dance of music and flirtation. Each note you play is a secret message, a longing that speaks louder than words. And in Harry's eyes, you catch glimpses of a shared desire.

By the time you reach the final chords, the room erupts in applause. Harry rises from his seat, his eyes never leaving yours.

"You were incredible," he says, his voice filled with genuine admiration. "I'd love for you to join the tour."

I’m sorry, what?!

You can hardly believe your ears. The moment you've been dreaming of is here. With a wide smile, you respond, "I'd be honored, Mr. Styles."

He reaches out, his hand finding yours, and pulls you into a warm embrace. As his arms encircle you, you can't help but notice the racing of your heart and the way his touch sends a surge of electricity through your veins. The world around you fades into the background, and all that exists in this moment is the two of you, entangled in a moment of undeniable connection.

Harry's voice, barely above a whisper, caresses your ear. "Welcome to the band, love."

You lean back slightly, looking into his eyes, a mixture of excitement and uncertainty swirling within you. The unspoken tension between you is palpable, and you find yourself wondering if Harry feels the same magnetic pull that you do.

Maybe you were just imagining it.

As you break from the embrace, a mischievous smile tugs at the corners of Harry's lips. "I must admit, there's a part of me that's relieved you're joining the band. I wouldn't want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know you better."

Your heart skips a beat for about the millionth time that day, the words hanging in the air, heavy with unspoken possibilities. A playful glint dances in his eyes, and you find yourself being drawn closer to him, your bodies now only inches apart.

"Getting to know you better sounds like a delightful prospect," you reply, your voice laced with a mixture of anticipation and curiosity.

Harry leans in, his voice a seductive murmur. "Maybe we could grab a drink after rehearsal? I'd love to hear more about the person behind that incredible talent."

A rush of warmth floods through you, and you nod eagerly. "That sounds perfect."  

That was just over three months ago.

So far, you were rehearsing for his first tour as a solo member and things had been going great. You had met Sarah, Mitch, Clare and Adam five days after your audition and instantly got along with the two of them, calling them your best friends within two weeks of knowing them.

As for Harry, things were definitely starting to get better with the two of you. If you seemed to be having a bad day, he would find a way to put a smile on your face. He was cute like that.

As you join the band and embark on rehearsals, Harry's presence continues to fill you with a sense of comfort and confidence. His playful banter and infectious laughter become the soundtrack to your journey together.

During breaks, you steal stolen glances, your eyes locking and holding for longer than necessary. The air brims with unspoken tension, each encounter tinged with the promise of something more.

One evening, after an intense rehearsal, Harry takes you aside, his eyes filled with a mix of anticipation and vulnerability. 

"I've been thinking about us, you know," he admits, his voice filled with honesty. "There's something between us, something I can't ignore."

You weren’t sure you could ignore it for much longer either.

Your heart pounds in your chest, your own feelings echoing his words. "I feel it too, Harry. It's like we've found a connection that's hard to put into words."

He steps closer, his hand reaching up to gently brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear. "Would it be too forward of me to say that I'm falling for you? That being around you makes everything feel right?"

No…never.

A smile tugs at your lips, your heart soaring with newfound courage. "It wouldn't be too forward at all, Harry. I'm falling for you too."

In that moment, the world around you fades away once again. It's just the two of you, standing in the quiet embrace of a shared revelation. And as your lips meet in a tender, passionate kiss, you know that this journey—this tour with Harry Styles—will be more than just a musical experience. It will be a love story for the ages, where the strings of your guitar intertwine with the strings of your hearts, creating a melody that will resonate long after the final notes have faded.

You had finally found the one.

Five years.

Five years you had been in a relationship with Harry and during those five years, the relationship between the two of you had done nothing but flourish.

On your anniversary in 2020, he proposed to you. He got down on one knee in your shared London house and there was no doubt that you were going to say yes.

You adored the man with every fiber of your body.

You find yourself sitting on the cosy couch in your shared hotel in Werchter, Belgium, a gentle warmth filling the room. Your fingers trace absent-minded patterns on the fabric of the blanket thrown over your lower body, keeping you warm as you let your mind wander, reflecting on the journey that has brought you to this very moment.

You cautiously cross the road, anticipation pulsating through your veins as you head towards the café to meet your boyfriend.  The air is crisp, carrying a hint of autumn's arrival, and the city buzzes with its usual energy.

The road was safe when you crossed, until it wasn’t.

In the midst of the bustling crowd, a danger lurks, unseen and unforgiving. 

A drunk driver, his senses impaired, careens towards you without warning. Time slows down, and your instincts kick in, desperately trying to avoid the inevitable collision.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you attempt to evade the oncoming car, but the impact is inevitable. 

Pain sears through your body as you're flung through the air, crashing onto the unforgiving pavement. The world spins, and darkness descends upon you like a heavy curtain.

Inside the café, Harry sits near the window, a cup of untouched coffee growing cold before him. As he waits, a knot of anxiety tightens in his stomach. Suddenly, the tranquility of the moment shatters, and his gaze is drawn to the horrific scene unfolding just outside.

That’s when he sees you.

Time slows to a torturous crawl as Harry's eyes widen in disbelief. He watches in helpless horror as the car strikes you, his heart pounding in his ears. With a mix of disbelief and raw emotion, he stumbles out of his seat, knocking over his chair in the process.

His voice trembles as he shouts your name, the desperation and anguish evident in his cries. "No! Oh God, no! Somebody help! Call an ambulance!"

Passersby freeze, their eyes widening in shock as they witness the aftermath of the accident. Harry's voice breaks, the weight of the situation crashing down upon him. He drops to his knees beside your motionless body, trembling fingers reaching out to touch your cold skin.

Tears blur his vision as he cradles your face, his voice choked with pain. "Please, wake up…(Y/N)... Don't leave me like this, m’angel… I can't lose you."

Amidst the chaos, someone steps forward, dialing emergency services and relaying the dire situation. The sound of sirens grows closer, a faint glimmer of hope in the midst of despair.

As paramedics arrive on the scene, Harry is forced to release his grip on you, not without giving a fight, another paramedic holds him back, running soft circles onto him as his hands shake uncontrollably. He watches, a mix of fear and agony etched on his face, as they work to stabilize your fragile form.

His heart shatters with each passing second that lacks a sign of life. He whispers desperate prayers into the void, his voice trembling with emotion. "Please, don't take her away from me...I can’t…I can't live without….her…"

Finally, a flicker of movement, a gasp of breath escapes your lips. Harry's eyes widen in disbelief, his heart surging with a renewed sense of hope. "She's breathing…she’s breathing, you saw that…right?!" he exclaims, his voice filled with equal parts relief and disbelief.

As the paramedics prepare to transport you to the hospital, Harry is forced to release his grip on your hand, his gaze filled with a mix of longing and determination. 

"I'll be right behind you," he promises, his voice steady with resolve.

Alone in the hospital waiting room, Harry paces anxiously, his mind clouded with thoughts of what could have been lost. He replays the accident over and over in his mind, tormented by the what-ifs that haunt him.

He had been waiting just over an hour and half for someone to come and talk to him. Give him an update on what was going on with you.

Hours stretch into an agonizing eternity as he clings to the faint hope that you will recover. The sterile hospital walls offer no solace, and he finds himself retracing the steps that led you both to this point, questioning the fragility of life and the unpredictable turns it can take.

Finally, a weary doctor emerges from behind the double doors, his expression a mix of weariness and cautious optimism. Harry's heart lurches in his chest as he rushes towards the doctor, desperation etched on his face.

"How is she? Is she going to be alright?" Harry's voice trembles with a mix of fear and longing, his hands clenched into tight fists.

You needed to be okay.

The doctor meets Harry's gaze, his eyes filled with compassion. "She's stable now. It was a close call, but she's a fighter. She sustained some serious injuries, but we're doing everything we can to help her recover."

Relief washes over Harry, but it's quickly replaced by a wave of guilt. He clenches his jaw, his voice strained. "I should have been there to protect her. I should have... I should have done something."

The doctor places a reassuring hand on Harry's shoulder. "Accidents happen, and it's not your fault. What matters now is supporting her through her recovery."

Harry nods, a mixture of determination and guilt playing across his features. "I'll be there for her. Every step of the way."

Days blend into nights as Harry sits vigil by your bedside, his fingers tracing the contours of your hand, desperate for any sign of improvement. The beeping machines and sterile hospital environment become your temporary reality, a stark contrast to the vibrant world you both once knew.

He called his mother about what happened to you and she and Gemma took the first flight to Los Angeles, so they could support not only you but him as well.

They forced him to go home and change his clothes, promising to call him if there was any news.

Sarah, Clare, Mitch, Adam and Jeff and Glenne were by your bedside as much as they could be but with there busy schedules it made it harder for them to be there.

In moments of silence, Harry finds solace in sharing memories of your love and laughter, his voice filled with a mix of tenderness and longing. He whispers words of encouragement and love, as if the sheer force of his devotion could bring you back to consciousness.

And then, one day, a miracle unfolds. Your eyes flutter open, and for a moment, confusion clouds your gaze. But as you take in the sight of Harry, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, recognition dawns, and a feeble smile graces your lips.

"I'm here, love. You're going to be okay," Harry whispers, his voice laced with relief. He brushes a gentle hand against your cheek, his touch a testament to his unwavering love and devotion.

A month into your recovery, was when Harry finally realised just how bad the whole ordeal was affecting you.

Harry arrives home from grocery shopping, his arms laden with bags filled with fresh produce and essentials. He enters the bedroom, expecting to find you in your usual spot, engrossed in a book or working on a project. But what he sees stops him in his tracks.

There you sit, in your wheelchair, wearing nothing but a sports bra and shorts. Your eyes are fixed on the floor-length mirror before you, your gaze filled with a mix of vulnerability and frustration. Harry's heart skips a beat at the sight, his instinct to protect and comfort you kicking into high gear.

His eyes never leave your form in the mirror. With a deep breath, he approaches you, his voice soft and filled with love. "Hey, beautiful. What's on your mind?"

You startle at his voice, a mixture of embarrassment and sadness crossing your face. "Harry, look at me. I can't stand on my own. I feel so... broken."

You were struggling, really fucking struggling.

Harry kneels down beside you, his hands gently grasping yours. His gaze meets yours in the mirror, his voice filled with determination. "But look at everything you've overcome. You've faced unimaginable challenges, and yet here you are, still standing."

Tears well up in your eyes, a mixture of gratitude and self-doubt coursing through your veins. "I don't always feel strong, Harry. Sometimes, I feel defeated by my own body."

Harry's thumb strokes the back of your hand in a soothing motion. "I know it's not easy, and it's okay to have moments of doubt. But remember, you're not defined by what you can or can't do physically. Your strength shines through in countless other ways."

His words resonate within you, a glimmer of hope flickering in the depths of your soul. You take a deep breath, allowing his words to wash over you. "I guess... I just miss feeling independent, like I used to."

Harry's eyes never leave yours, his voice filled with unwavering support. "You are independent, love. It may look different now, but that doesn't diminish your spirit or your worth. Remember the chorus of that song by Elton John? 'I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah.'"

That was the song that was getting you through the hard days, the lyrics of the song reminded you that even though you had been through hell and back, you were in fact still standing.

A small smile tugs at the corners of your lips as the lyrics echo in your mind. You meet Harry's gaze, a flicker of determination in your eyes. "You're right. I'm still standing, and I won't let this define me."

Harry's face lights up with pride, his voice brimming with admiration. "That's my girl. Together, we'll face anything that comes our way. We'll rewrite the rules and show the world just how resilient we are."

You lean into him, finding solace in his embrace. In his arms, you feel a renewed sense of strength and acceptance. With Harry by your side, you know that you'll navigate this journey together, overcoming obstacles with unwavering love and unwavering determination.

As the echoes of Elton John's lyrics fade into the air, you realize that standing on your own two feet is not just about physical ability. It's about resilience, love, and the unwavering spirit that resides within. And together, you and Harry are an unbreakable force, ready to face any challenge that comes your way, still standing.

Memories of the accident resurface, the one that left you with a broken leg, a few broken ribs, and scars that tell a story of resilience and strength. The pain you endured during those days in the hospital, the grueling physical therapy sessions, and the long road to recovery—all of it has shaped you into the person you are today.

The accident left you with a lot of scars and sometimes, you didn’t like how they were on your body, you didn’t want them, you shouldn’t have had them in the first place had it not been for the drunk driver that had struck you.

One time, Harry had caught you sitting in the wheelchair the hospital provided you with and was sitting in front of the floor length mirror, eyes wet and feeling disgusted with the way your body now looked.

Lost in your thoughts, you feel a comforting presence beside you. Your fiancé, the person who has been your rock throughout this entire journey, sits down, his eyes filled with love and concern.

"What's on your mind, love?" Harry asks gently, their voice laced with a mixture of tenderness and curiosity.

You take a deep breath, gathering the courage to share your thoughts. "I've been thinking a lot about everything that's happened, about how far I've come since the accident. The fear I had of losing my ability to play the guitar, to perform on stage, has slowly transformed into a burning desire to reclaim what I love."

Your fiancé listens intently, their hand finding yours, providing a comforting anchor in the depths of your vulnerability.

"I think I'm ready," you continue, your voice filled with determination. "I'm ready to join you back on tour as your guitarist. I want to step back into the spotlight, to feel the exhilaration of playing for a crowd again."

A flicker of excitement dances in their eyes as they take in your words. "Are you sure, love? I mean, I've seen your strength and resilience, but I want to make sure you're ready for the demands and challenges of touring."

You had thought it over. So many times, you kissed touring with him and not being on stage with him in what felt like forever, you just wanted a little bit or norm back in your life.

You smile, your gaze meeting theirs. "I am sure. The accident made me realize that life is too short to let fear hold me back. I want to embrace every opportunity that comes my way, and being on stage with you is the greatest opportunity of all."

Your fiancé's face lights up with a mixture of pride and love. "I've always believed in you, in your talent and your unwavering spirit. I can't express how happy I am to hear you say this."

Their words fill your heart with warmth, and you lean in, your forehead resting against theirs. "I couldn't have done it without your love and support. You've been my rock, my inspiration. And now, it's time for us to conquer the stage together."

24th June, 2023.

The day you would be back on stage, and reclaiming your spot next to Mitch as Harry’s guitarists.

As you stand before the mirror in the dressing room, your heart pounds with a mix of excitement and apprehension. It's been seven long months since the accident, the incident that left you scarred physically and emotionally. But tonight, you're stepping back onto the stage alongside your fiancé, the incredibly talented man that held your heart captive.

You peel off your clothes, revealing the remnants of the past—a tapestry of scars that litter your body. Each mark tells a story, a chapter of pain and healing. Your fingers trace the scars delicately, memories flooding back with each touch.

Your fingertips glide over the long, jagged scar on your stomach, a reminder of the surgery that saved your life. It stretches across your abdomen, a visible testament to the fragility of existence. You can still recall the sterile scent of the hospital, the sensation of being under anaesthesia, and the sound of the surgeon's voice assuring you that everything would be alright.

As you trace the path of the scar, tears well up in your eyes. The emotions overwhelm you—the fear, the vulnerability, the gratitude for being alive. You hastily wipe away the tears, refusing to let them consume you. You don't want Harry to see you like this—fragile, still grappling with the remnants of the accident.

Taking a deep breath, you collect yourself and begin to change into the performance outfit meticulously chosen for tonight's show. With each article of clothing, you shed the emotional weight and don a cloak of resilience.

But it's not just the scar on your stomach that serves as a reminder. Your fingers move upward, skimming over the faint marks on your chest. They are the remnants of broken ribs, the physical proof of the impact that threatened to shatter your entire being.

As your fingers dance across the scars, a mixture of emotions swirls within you. You remember the excruciating pain that radiated through your chest, making each breath a struggle. The nights spent gasping for air, wondering if you would ever be able to play guitar again. And yet, here you are, on the verge of reclaiming that stage.

When you finally emerge from the room, you plaster a smile on your face, determined to project confidence. Harry turns to you, his eyes lighting up as he takes in your appearance.

"Hey, love, you look absolutely stunning!" he exclaims, wrapping you in a warm embrace.

You glanced down at what you were wearing, nodding softly. You had decided to wear short sleeves tonight due to the humidity of the Belgian air and had gotten Elin and Madi to cover up the scars on your arms with foundation, if you had to get through this performance tonight without a hitch, you needed to make sure the fans didn’t see the state of your arms.

It wasn’t second nature to the fans and the world that you had been the victim of a car accident, paps had eaten the story up and it wasn’t long before the world were all feeling sorry for you, and telling you ‘get well soon.’

It wasn’t second nature that the fans knew you and Harry were in a relationship. They were happy for him, some fans weren’t, some were bitter but the majority were kind hearted.

The fans knew not to expect you to be on stage for a while, they liked your replacement , you just hoped they didn’t resent you for reclaiming your spot.

"Thank you," you reply, your voice tinged with a hint of nerves. "I'm so excited to perform with you again, sweet boy. It's been too long."

Harry nods, his eyes filled with adoration. "I've missed having you by my side on stage, baby. Tonight is going to be incredible."

When you first walked onto the stage with the rest of the band, the crowd cheered, happy to see you back.

You wanted to perform at Wembley when he was there but the 90,000 people just made your nerves too hard to get rid of.

It had gotten to the part of the show where Harry introduced the band helping him perform tonight.

The crowd erupts into thunderous applause, their cheers blending with the pounding of your heart.

Harry steps forward, his charm radiating as he takes hold of the microphone. "Thank you all so much!" he exclaims, his voice filled with genuine gratitude. "Tonight has been incredible, and I want to take a moment to introduce you to the extraordinary people who make this show possible."

The spotlight shifts, illuminating each member of the band in turn as Harry introduces them, acknowledging their talent and contributions. The crowd roars with approval, showing their love and appreciation for the musicians who have taken them on this unforgettable journey.

"And last, but certainly not least," Harry says, his eyes glimmering with affection as he turns toward you, "I want to welcome someone very special back to the stage tonight. Please give a round of applause for my incredible fiancée, who's been through so much and is now here, shining brighter than ever. Welcome back, (Y/N)!"

The crowd erupts into thunderous applause once again, their cheers echoing throughout the venue. The sound washes over you, filling you with warmth and a renewed sense of purpose. Harry walks over to you, his smile radiant as he presses a gentle kiss to your cheek.

"I'm so proud of you, love," he whispers, his voice barely audible over the roaring crowd. "You're incredible."

Touched by his words and the overwhelming support of the crowd, you turn to face the audience, a beaming smile adorning your face. You raise a hand in gratitude, acknowledging their cheers and the immense love they've shown.

The performance took a turn for the worst when Harry was performing Matilda.

As Harry takes the centre stage, his voice resonates through the venue, captivating the crowd with his heartfelt rendition of "Matilda." You stand beside him, shoulder to shoulder with Sarah, Madi, and Elin, proud to be part of his performance.

However, as the heat intensifies under the stage lights, the foundation covering the scars on your arms begins to melt away, slowly revealing the marks beneath. Unbeknownst to you, a group of fans standing in the front row notices the scars and begins to snicker and laugh, their insensitivity cutting through the air.

Caught off guard, you glance down at your arms, now exposed for all to see. Shame washes over you, accompanied by a deep sense of vulnerability. The laughter echoes in your ears, a cruel reminder of the pain you carry on a daily basis.

The song concludes, and as you go to step back, picking up your guitar, tears well up in your eyes. The weight of their laughter presses heavily on your heart, and without a second thought, you bolt offstage, seeking solace in the privacy of the dressing room.

You stumble through the corridors, your vision blurred by tears. Jeff, who was standing on the side stage, attempted to touch your arm and see if he could do anything but you bolted straight past him, too upset to even attempt to speak.

Finally, you reach the dressing room, the door becoming a barrier between you and the outside world. You lock it behind you, the sound of the latch giving you a brief sense of security.

Collapsing onto a chaise lounge, sobs wrack your body as you struggle to catch your breath. The pain of their laughter reverberates through you, and the scars that you've worked so hard to embrace now feel like glaring flaws. In this moment of despair, you feel utterly alone.

Through your tear-stained face, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. The scars etched on your arms serve as a painful reminder of the journey you've travelled—a journey that has tested your resilience and strength. But at this moment, they seem to mock you, amplifying your vulnerability.

You don’t know how long you were sitting there.

But the panic that has gripped your chest refuses to subside, and the air feels thin, suffocating.

Amidst your distress, you hear Harry's desperate pleas from the other side of the door, his voice filled with concern and love.

"Please, love," he implores, his voice cracking. "Let me in. I need to be with you. I can't bear to see you like this."

You find it difficult to think, your mind clouded by fear and self-doubt. Harry's words echo in your ears, but a part of you hesitates, questioning whether you should expose him to your vulnerable state.

Yet, Harry persists, his voice growing more desperate with each passing moment.

"Please, just open the door," he pleads again. "I'll do anything to make this better. Just let me in."

As the minutes stretch on, your panic intensifies. The room feels smaller, the air heavier, and you begin to scratch at your arms, hoping to erase the scars that have become a constant reminder of your pain. The act is born out of frustration, a desperate attempt to regain control over your emotions.

But the more you scratch, the more the scars stand out against your skin, marking the battles you've fought and the strength you've shown. The pain intensifies, both physical and emotional, and your nails dig deeper into your flesh.

Finally, Harry's voice breaks through the chaos in your mind.

"Love, please," he pleads once more. "I can't stand being separated from you like this. Please, open the door."

His words penetrate your fog of panic, stirring a flicker of clarity within you. You realise that shutting him out would only deepen the isolation you feel. With trembling hands, you reach for the lock, slowly turning it until the latch clicks, allowing Harry to step into the room.

Harry rushes toward you, his eyes wide with worry, and wraps his arms around you, pulling you close. Your breath hitches as he embraces you, his warmth and steady heartbeat serving as an anchor amidst the storm raging inside you.

But as the panic continues to surge, your scratching becomes more frantic, fueled by the desperation to rid yourself of the scars. Harry's eyes widen as he notices your self-destructive actions, his heart aching at the sight.

"Stop, love," Harry pleads, his voice filled with a mix of concern and determination. He gently grasps your hands, restraining them from causing further harm. "Please, you don't need to do this. Your scars don't define you. They are a testament to your strength and resilience."

Tears stream down your face as you struggle to find your voice amidst the overwhelming emotions.

"Harry," you manage to whisper, your voice trembling, "the fans... they laughed at me. I feel so exposed, so broken."

Harry's hold on you tightens, his voice filled with unwavering support. "Love, never forget what Elton John said in 'I'm Still Standing.' 'I'm still standing after all this time.' We've faced adversity together, and we've triumphed. We won't let their laughter dim your light."

His words wash over you, reminding you of the battles you've fought, the hurdles you've overcome. In that moment, you realise that their laughter, though painful, is a reflection of their ignorance, not your worth.

As Harry's arms enfold you, a newfound resolve begins to take hold. You slowly cease

Your frantic scratching, your nails no longer leaving trails of desperation on your skin. Instead, you allow Harry's touch to calm you, to remind you that you are not alone in this struggle.

As you gradually regain control of your breath, Harry's soothing voice fills the room once again. "You are beautiful, inside and out," he assures you. "Those scars are a part of your journey, a testament to the strength that resides within you. They are not something to be ashamed of."

With each word, the weight of the fans' laughter begins to lift, replaced by a growing sense of self-acceptance. You realise that their cruel taunts are not a reflection of your worth but a testament to their own insecurities and ignorance.

In that moment of revelation, you look into Harry's eyes, finding solace in his unwavering gaze. He pulls you closer, his embrace a shield against the world's judgments.

"You are loved," he whispers, his voice filled with conviction. "By me, by your fans, by all those who see the incredible person you are."

After the storm of emotions, Harry guides you to rest your head on his lap, finding comfort in his presence. He senses your need for warmth and reaches for a soft blanket that carries his familiar scent. As he carefully drapes it over your body, you feel an instant sense of security, as if his love and protection have enveloped you.

Harry pulls out his phone, his brow furrowed with concern. He dials Jeff's number, his voice steady but laced with an undertone of worry.

"Jeff, mate," he begins, "I need to talk to you. We can't continue with the show right now. (Y/N)s head is in a bad place, and she needs me here with her."

You hated letting the fans down as much as Harry did, but right now, you needed him, you needed him more than anything right now.

As he speaks, his free hand finds its way to your hair, his fingers gently running through the strands. The soothing motion sends waves of comfort through your body, easing the tension that had gripped your soul.

There's a brief pause as Jeff responds on the other end of the line. Harry's voice grows firmer as he continues, his protective instincts kicking in. "I know, Jeff, but she's my priority. We can't push her right now. She needs time and space to heal. I hope you understand."

You feel the weight of his determination, his unwavering commitment to your well-being. His words, spoken with conviction, serve as a reminder that you are not alone in this battle.

As the conversation with Jeff continues, your body begins to relax, the exhaustion of the emotional rollercoaster setting in. Harry's touch and his voice lull you into a state of tranquillity, your eyelids growing heavy.

You listen to Harry's voice, a mix of concern and reassurance, as he explains the situation to Jeff. The sound of his voice becomes a soothing melody, guiding you towards much-needed rest. The world outside the dressing room fades away, and in that moment, it's just you and Harry, wrapped in a cocoon of love and understanding.

With Harry's presence anchoring you,drifting you into a peaceful slumber, your mind dances on the edge of consciousness. Harry's comforting presence lingers, filling the room with a sense of love and security. In the hazy realm between wakefulness and dreams, you hear his soft voice whispering.

"I love you," Harry murmurs, his words like a gentle caress against your skin. His declaration of love resonates deep within your heart, a reminder that you are cherished and adored.

In the quiet of the room, Harry's fingers trace the scars on your forearm from when you hit the ground and the skin collided with the concrete of the floor, resulting in a skin graft on both arms, with delicate reverence.

His touch is tender, his love evident in every stroke. With each pass of his fingers, you feel a mixture of vulnerability and acceptance, knowing that he sees beyond the scars and embraces every part of you.

Touched by his gesture, you shift slightly, gazing up at him through half-closed eyes. The love shining in his eyes mirrors the love you hold in your heart.

A smile tugs at the corners of your lips, and in a soft voice filled with gratitude, you whisper, "I love you too, Harry."

His lips curve into a gentle smile, and without hesitation, he leans down to press a loving kiss against the scars on your arms. The warmth of his lips against your skin sends a rush of emotions cascading through your veins—a blend of love, acceptance, and healing.

In that tender moment, you realise that Harry's love is not conditional. It extends far beyond the physical, embracing the entirety of who you are—scars and all. With his unwavering support, you find the strength to embrace your own journey, to let go of the pain inflicted by others' judgement.

As Harry's lips leave a trail of love and reassurance upon your scars, you feel a renewed sense of self-acceptance. You understand that love has the power to heal, to transcend the wounds of the past. With each kiss, Harry affirms that you are worthy of love and that your scars are a testament to your strength.

In the warmth of his embrace, you feel a newfound sense of peace settle within you. The doubts and insecurities that plagued your mind are replaced with a quiet confidence, knowing that you are loved unconditionally.

One thing was for sure though.

Just like the legend that is Elton John Said:

I’m Still Standing.

In fact you were standing better than you ever had, with the support of friends and family and the one man you don’t think you could ever stop loving.

You were starting to look like a true survivor, and not so much a little kid when you got overwhelmed looking at the scars on your arms from the impact of the accident.

“I’m Still Standing…” you whispered , voice slightly scratchy.

Harry smiled, letting out a small sniffle, “— yeah you are baby…yeah you are.”

[crguang]

Literally did all of Cabernet’s event once it hit for me. AND OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MMMMMMYYYYYY GGGGGOOOOODDDD her voice is sooooo good. I’d happily be one of her ingredients tbh and I’d be right there with her helping her find souls to eat. Do you have any thoughts about Cabernet?

OH also might be a bit spoiler but if you’ve gotten to the part where Cabernet “sacrifices” herself for us and we get the cg of her in the vines. After like finding out that she can control vines she willingly put herself in that position. Any thoughts? Thirsts? I have a lot but I haven’t written in like a year so I’m not confident enough to write a whole like summary or whatever a lot of people do here and other blogs.

Also happy that you’re into Ptn and honestly can’t wait to see more writing from you about it.

i just finished her event. i have so many thoughts, bear with me because i don’t even know where to begin, this was such a good and creative spin to ‘the menu’ (2022) i loved it so much it’s gonna take a lot to have another event take the #1 spot. PTN’s creativity and artistry is what constantly draws me in the first place, but it still baffles me how they can create stories so unique, and so many of them too. lesbianism aside, this is such a fun event omg. the music, the battles, the banquet menu and having Cabernet review each of them afterwards— so fun. now, as a lesbian… i’ll just say that by the end of it i was so flustered and hot that i couldn’t say a word for several long minutes.

do i have any thoughts about Cabernet… how do i even explain how delightful that woman is like first of all, she’s so gorgeous i had to drink a lot of water getting through that event. she’s so fucking sexy. it’s not even just her appearance, it’s the way she carries herself and how everyone around her treats her as some untouchable, larger than life figure, the confidence and detachment that comes with that is so hot. it’s not even a performance!!!! she lives her truth and does what she wants. she doesn’t eat what she doesn’t want to eat. and everyone else around her scrambles to fit her standards because of her background and eccentricity— it’s so fascinating how she never directly influences what others think, they simply immediately take her words as either “good” or “bad”. she’s not telling them what to eat. she’s not like that food blogger reporting on what people should consume to be healthier, or that boxing champion who’s going around telling people they should work out to be stronger/slimmer. she gives her opinion on food and leaves. people come to her. they’ve made up this character in their mind and the whole time she’s just after some delicious food. at the end, with McGrath, what she said to the chef were her genuine thoughts. sure, she concealed them for the bit but when it comes to the sanctity of food and her own desires, she’s always so honest, i really like that.

HER VOICE. DON’T GET ME STARTED. it fits her so perfectly, the way it plays into her character as someone who has others dote and wait on her constantly. she’s so kafka-like!!!! where she only ever talks at her own pace, does what she wants, has people listening to her every word with unwavering attention— she’s composed, confident and laidback and it shows just by the way she talks it’s so great. the drawl… the rasp… the breathiness as she loses herself in her own ecstasy, GODDDDD. how deep and intense it gets sometimes. her VA had to be in crippling debt because the effort and talent that was put into this performance hit me so hard i was sooo flustered (im playing with headphones and my settings are set so that the voices are louder than the music so she was really speaking into my ears like.) almost had my eyes rolling back and definitely had me pulling at my collar when she got so ecstatic at the end. the breathy “yes.. yes!” WHATTTT???!?!? i will send AISNO my therapy bills because they knew what they were doing having her moan like that and call Kelvin a good girl. me next im begging

LET’S TALK ABOUT THE ENDING. LET’S. so many things to say, so little words to convey how specially crafted for me that scene was. cannibalism as the ultimate form of desire will always be appealing to me, and not even in a sexual standpoint (we’ll get there eventually…) to need someone so fiercely that the only logical solution is to consume them entirely will always hit for me like! there doesn’t have to be sentimentality involved, it could be pure bottomless and insatiable lust but this scene was so romantic to me. she waited for Chief to wake up, tied them up prettily for her, made a whole culinary arrangement (that she doesn’t eat!), she’s constantly reigning in her own desires, what she lives by (“a sinner’s power comes from the heart”), just to truly savour them and have them both eventually “become one” (that voiceline makes me tweak). and it’s beautiful when you think about how she doesn’t literally eat people but instead consumes their souls; she finds Chief’s soul so unique, so genuine and pure that she would stay by their side despite that deep seated desire to devour them. she keeps them close the whole time; a hand on her flushed cheek, a kiss on their hair, her lips on their wrist directly over what gives them life… i sound like a freak but that is genuinely so beautiful to me LMFAO. there is nothing more intimate than two souls merging into one.

it’s like the writers pried into my mind and made this whole event for me to enjoy personally because i picked up exactly what they were putting down like that was magnificent. this quote especially tingled my brain sooooo good because again, SO ROMANTIC???? those options both require intimacy and it implies more than just understanding of a character; to kiss someone’s thoughts is not only understanding them but embracing them completely. to offer your flesh willingly for another’s satiation is the most extreme form of devotion like am i crazy…? this is peak to me

im realizing i didnt answer your question about the scene with the vines but you can guess that it had me shuddering just like everything that happened afterwards because SHE’S HOT AS FUCK. her poison ivy slay. the art is incredible and the way she’s still so seductive about it is so… i need her tremendously. she knew what she was doing and had to go down looking sexy as fuck and honestly i respect it. i understand McGrath so bad because that obsession was delicious like sorry, luring dozens of people into playing a twisted game where they inevitably all turn into dishes to be reviewed and/or savoured by the object of your longing is some shit i’d write fr. look at her bruh. that blush is insane. forget enacting a self-given sort of divine judgement on random people, i’d actively BETTER MYSELF to become the most scrumptious meal she’s ever had. no tying up necessary unless she’s into that.

i could thirst all night long. we would have the freakiest, wettest, sloppiest sex i’d be lethargic for 3 days afterwards. i would be in her dms like “please let me eat your pussy please let me eat your pussy pleaseeee please please please please”. i am NOT demure i am not classy i have no decorum— i’d spend so long between her thighs my jaw would dislocate like idk. we would fuck until our combined bodily fluids mutate on a cellular level and creates toxic gas that wipes out half the city. i’d start eating her back likejhdjfjsjdjs

jokes aside i really am obsessed with her character, she’s definitely in my top 5😵‍💫 it probably goes something like hamel, adela, garofano, cabernet, oak casket. i just know my top 2 aren’t moving yet (shalom……..) but yeah i love her a lot and i can’t believe they didn’t rerun her banner at the same time like they did adela because now im mad she’s not in my account

[snow-lavender]

now that we're a week out from the finale, i'm feeling settled enough to make my sappy post. TL;DR is: fable has been incredibly important to me, and i think it's a story that's important to have out there. to the community and cast, you've made something beautiful and helped me more than you could know.

so here we go-

i started watching fable in the summer of 2022, to kill time in between summer courses (and thank fuck for that, cause my brain desperately needed to have some fun after 5 hours a day of doing psych stats by hand.) i was originally pulled in by vo'lete, as dissecting a conlang is really fun to me. it became basically the only media i consumed, as 2022/2023 was the fourth year of my BA and i was crazy busy. and then the characters pulled me in further with their earnestness and their devotion to redemption and compassion.

i think one of the theses of fable is "people always deserve happiness. doing awful things doesn't erase your ability to change." and i think the simplicity and love of that take hit really close to home. in the era of modern fandom where bad actors try to make everything black and white, it's an important point to make.

i started making shitposts on tumblr, started enaging with stories from an analysis standpoint again, and found a lot of joy in the community here. i don't have the words for what that means to me, so i'll just default to you guys are great <3

then mid-august happened

those of you who frequent rin's streams might have caught bits and pieces of this, but basically, i had a fall and my knee became royally fucked beyond belief. it can only be fixed with a surgery that's not very common. the pain was (and still is) debilitating to the point that i had to drop out of my second degree, and couldn't walk more than like, a block every few days. my life, my dreams, my future all got put on hold. i was in a new city with no supports, no friends, and no way to leave my apartment. fable went from the only media i consumed to the only thing i did, period.

the fandom became the only people i talked to regularly, other than my family, as online relationships were the only ones possible to maintain. in fableblr and in rin's chat i've found people who i really click with, people whose company i enjoy and who enjoy mine. when i was lying in bed, feeling so alone and less than human, having people on the internet go "i know who you are and you are making an impact," quite frankly, kept me sane. i know i don't talk to people super often, but know that seeing you in my notifs brings me so much joy, and i'd love to talk to you more.

to assuage any worries- i'm doing a bit better now. i've moved back in with my parents so i have human contact and people who can make up for the things i can't do. i have a new doctor who is taking the severity of my condition very seriously and is fighting to get me treated asap. i'll be okay.

so yeah. fable has been super important to me, and will remain so! for me it's a story with so much joy and deep feelings and rediscovery of passions and just. fun. it's been so much fun. and i'm not letting go of that fun any time soon. i'm gonna keep making and watching and enjoying.

to sage, corn, and cob- you guys are great, i cherish every time we get to talk. i hope that it's okay that i count you among my friends

to my other mutuals and people who are here frequently- recognizing you in my notes is such a joy and i hope to get to know you better. y'all are cool and i'm glad you think i'm funny

to rin- thank you for nurturing your little community and creating a space where i have so much fun. also thank you for putting up with my constant setting off of automod

to beck- thank you for making a story that explores sisterhood in all its ugliness and beauty, that shows how even families full of love can fuck up, that holds space for loneliness and loss and joy and fear and new beginnings

to the rest of the cast- thank you for making a story with so many varied and yet connected points, characters and world. with so much love in it. you've truly done something special here and its impact will not be forgotten

to all of you- thank you for knowing my name. thank you for breathing life and joy into these stories. i can't wait to see what else we make. <3

[yumenotambourin]

do all 3 mouses for the character ask or im shaving elfilis 🪒🪒🪒

I'M SORRY I WAS TRAVELING YESTERDAY AM I STILL IN TIME TO SAVE THEM???

🩷First impression🩵

Elfilin

Very cute! I thought he was quite bland before release already, but I was like 100% sure that it was because the twist was gonna be that he was mass produced.

And then after finishing the game I had a little phase in which I hated him because he was super fucking plot important, yet he didn't do anything and this made me angry, lol

Forgo

As soon as my eyes landed on it, I thought it was Elfilin after some horrific experimentations. But then they showed the actual Elfilin lmao. I thought it was really cute and I didn't want to fight it, thank god it transformed before we fought it. Then I was just awestruck.

Also my mom randomly asked me what it was and I didn't know what to say so I just said something like "a mental parasite species"

Elfilis

The first thought that crossed my mind after seeing them was "oh god they have my exact favorite color scheme I'm gonna be obsessed with them, aren't I?". Breathtakingly beautiful, of an angelicity(?) never seen before from Kirby. Throughout April 2022, I occasionally woke up in the morning wondering wether they were just a dream. The fact that something like them existed in the Kirby universe was astonishing to me.

🩷Impression now🩵

Elfilin

I still think he's severely underdeveloped, but I'm more cool with that now. He's cute and silly and fun, he's a nice contrast to Forgo, and generally an adorable sidekick. Tho I wish there was more of him.

Forgo

Baby. It's very cute, strikes pretty well the balance between creepy and goober, and the superior gemini in my opinion. I like putting it in situations :3

Elfilis

A MOUS!!! As magnificent as the first time I saw them. Except they're now my muse, my guardian angel. My view of them has kinda shifted from "stereotypical perfect lifeform" to "the embodiment of life itself", which kinda recontextualizes them, especially given how hard each mous fought to stay alive, and I find that very inspirational.

I love Elfilis.

🩷Favorite moment🩵

They don't have that many moments so uuuuh

Elfilin

Finding the Light! Perfect way to end the mouces' arc, and goes to show how much of a sweetheart he is.

Forgo

The iconic "everything shall be consumed" is iconic

Elfilis

The only thing that they do, their boss fight 😭 it's stunning and I find myself replaying it more often than normal

🩷Idea for a story🩵

Elfilin

Definitely a plotline where they tackle that he can learn something from Elfilis and/or Forgo as well. I don't like how y'all treat him like he's perfect.

Forgo

I'd like to see it getting used to living a normal happy life :3 the baby has suffered enough

Elfilis

ELFILIS PROLOGUE PLEASE!!! About how they attacked earth and stuff and their capture and maybe even Neichel cameo!!!

(I will not let you forget about Neichel)

🩷Unpopular opinion🩵

Elfilin

As I said before, I hate when people make him out to be this little goody-two-shoes without a single flaw who's juts the embodiment of niceness and kindness and will always do the right thing. Like no??? It's not all black and white! Let him be a proper multilayered character! Let him make mistakes and learn from others! Let him learn from his literal other half!!!

Forgo

Whenever someone says that Forgo is Elfilis an angel loses their wings. Starting from the fact that the game heavily implies if not downright states (I'm on plane I can't check I forgor) that Elfilis = Forgo + Elfilin, why would anyone choose to take two different characters in different situations with likely two different outlooks (ELFILIS WAS SPLIT INTO TWO FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLOT!!! ELFILIS HAS THE HERO OF THE STORY INSIDE THEM!!!) and reduce them to a single, more limited being? Plus, most people with this headcanon are also the "Elfilis/Forgo is pure evil and an irredeemable monster!!!!" people who also really piss me off. Like yeah okay YOU chose to headcanon the traumatized baby and the insane mous as the same character. YOU are the one taking away all the nuance they could possibly have. Also as I said before THATS A TRAUMATIZED BABY!!!

Elfilis

I strongly dislike the headcanon that Elfilis absorbs other creatures into their dna. I feel like it ruins a lot of the charm they have, at least for me, by making their ethereal presentation be stolen from other creatures rather than it just being who they are. Also, while I am a Good Elfilis defender, I love the idea of them destroying planets for fun. It just goes to cement how otherworldy and above it all this creature is. So yeah, I feel like this headcanon takes away a lot of their appeal for me personally.

I also don't like when people make them always angry and grumpy, like do you realize half of them is Elfilin?

🩷Favorite relationship🩵

This is entirely headcanon-based as the mouces don't really interact with anyone besides Elfilin with Kirby

Elfilis and Elfilin and Elfilis and Forgo. More than the three of them together, I prefer each baby mous with Elfilis on their own.

I'm gonna briefly summarize my hc dynamics for them cause I love mice.

Elfilis and Elfilin - Elfilin

As I said before, Elfilin's feelings on his big sibling are very conflicted. On one hand, he feels safe with them, and looks up to them. On the other hand, he fears them. The fact that they just wipe out planets without second thought disturbs him. Although he'd never admit it to himself because he loves them so much. Elfilis, however, is very much aware of Elfilin's feelings. And as much as they're devastated by the guilt of having hurt their little ones so much, they dismss Elfilin's compassion as naivete due to his young age and time spent with the beasts. They're sure he will outgrow it one day and see his superiority, ans in the meantime they remind him that he's their little one and that they'll always love him.

Elfilis and Forgo - Forgo

Forgo sees itself as nothing but a temporary form of Elfilis, unworthy of being seen as anything but. And it's not taking this whole "coexisting with the actual Elfilis" all that well. If the actual Elfilis exists, what purpose does Forgo have? This sends them down an existential crisis. Elfilis doesn't like that. And they're desperate to help it break free from these beliefs. Also, Forgo always saw Elfilis in a very idolized way, as a ruthless monstrous destroyer. But that's not all there is to Elfilis, they can be a little silly sometimes. And Forgo is SEVERELY disappointed. It often calls them an idiot and then feels bad about it because nobody should be reproaching the almighty Fecto Elfilis. Also it exclusively refers to them as "Great One".

🩷Favorite headcanon🩵

Elfilin

Can I be honest? No fucking clue. Maybe that Elfilis teaches him how to fight?

Forgo

I'll make it quick so as not to repeat myself, that it sees itself as nothing more than a temporary form of Elfilis.

Elfilis

The idea that they have no motivation is very important to me. Specifically that they do things purely out of enjoyment. That they're just a force beyond our comprehension who sees everything as insignificant and is just trying to have fun.

ALSO THAT THEY LOVE EACHOTHER VERY MUCH!!!

[itzynabi]

warnings: mention of suicidal ideation

an: this was posted on the 4th of april, 2024

ITZY’s Nabi vs JYP Entertainment: Full Breakdown of Second Day in Court

It was heavy

On April 4, ITZY’s Nabi’s lawsuit against JYP Entertainment saw its second day in court. Both Nabi and JYP Entertainment’s CEO, Jimmy Jeong, were present.

JYP Entertainment opened the trial by calling forth a witness, Witness A, one of the staff members that worked with Nabi on her first full album until spring. The lawyer asked Witness A a few questions about what it was like to work with Nabi, and the staff member alleged that Nabi would show attitude to some staff members, wouldn’t have manners, and would ignore staff members. He went on to say it made working on the album very hard as he had to communicate through her manager.

Nabi’s lawyer was then given time to question Witness A and she did not hold back! She started by asking a few questions about what he does in the company and the specifics of his job. Witness A explained his job in detail and then Nabi’s lawyer asked him if he had ever had lunch with Director Park Dakho, to which he denied. Nabi’s lawyer then pulled up text messages between the witness and another staff member, where they were talking about a lunch they had with Director Park.

Staff Member A: Isn’t it a bit weird how Director Park told us to stall the album? I thought he wanted Nabi’s album to make him a lot of money

Staff Member B (Witness): Yeah, but doing that will get us money so………… Let’s do it enthusiastically!

Reporters said the witness started stuttering over his words and looked to JYP Entertainment’s lawyer for assistance. Luckily for him, that was the only question Nabi’s lawyer had. Unfortunately for him, everything he said beforehand was brought into question as he had been easily proven to be a liar. The witness was allowed to go back to his seat and Nabi’s lawyer called their witness, Nabi’s therapist.

Nabi’s defence team focused on how her treatment at JYP Entertainment affected her mental health, something she has expressed struggling with. Nabi’s therapist, Witness B, worked with her before she debuted, then they stopped having sessions because Nabi was feeling better and was too busy to go to therapy, then they started seeing each other again in early 2022. Witness B commented how because Nabi was very busy, they had been unable to have sessions, instead resorting to messaging each other and sending each other voice messages. Nabi’s lawyers asked Witness B to give a basic summary of Nabi’s feelings.

“Everytime Nabi has periods of time where her life consists of just working, her mental health takes a dip. It happened in 2021 and 2022. Nabi is a very sensitive person, her emotions are very strong. When she’s sad, she doesn’t just feel a slight sadness that she can get over, she’s consumed by the sadness to the point she doesn’t remember a time she was happy. The same thing happens when she’s happy, angry, insecure, and stressed. She can have five panic attacks in one day because of how overwhelmed she feels. She’s not someone that responds well to being spoken to sharply.” — Witness B

Nabi’s lawyer presented the idol’s diary as evidence, asking Witness B to analyse what Nabi had written. Most of the diary entries were of Nabi expressing her anger, hurt, and hopelessness. In her diary, Nabi said she was “sick of the whole thing.” Witness B mentioned that most of their texts the past few months had been about how to manage her feelings regarding the situation she was forced into, adding that Nabi often expressed that she felt like a zoo animal meant to perform tricks on command. A particularly worrying diary entry of Nabi’s was shown.

“what to say…………… death sounds okay. i hope something bad happens to me so i dont have to perform. sorry to the staff members that spent so much time on this but like at the end of the day this isnt worth it. i wonder if death would be kinder to me than this hell. i hope it would be. one day i’ll find out. but not soon. maybe” — Nabi’s diary entry

Witness B confirmed that she had spoken with Nabi about such thoughts, the two even called each other to talk about it in depth, the session ending with Nabi feeling slightly better. Nabi’s lawyer ended by asking what Witness B thought would be the best conclusion for Nabi, with Witness B saying, “I think if Nabi stays in JYP Entertainment, it could be very dangerous. Not only would her mental state get worse, but the treatment she had to endure could get more volatile. If she stays in JYP Entertainment, there could be unfortunate news within a few months.”

Nabi’s lawyer ended her questioning there, giving JYP Entertainment’s lawyer a chance to question Witness B. They started by pointing out that contrary to what had been discussed, Nabi looked very relaxed, but she refuted that by saying, “Nabi isn’t relaxed. She’s protecting herself. That relaxed composure you see is a trauma response, her mind has shut down to protect her.” JYP Entertainment’s lawyer then asked of the stability of Nabi’s memory, with Witness B saying, “Because of Nabi constantly dissociating, there are many blanks in her memory. There are some days that she has absolutely no recollection of because her brain is trying to protect her, but she remembers how she felt on those days.” JYP Entertainment’s lawyer asked if that could not mean that Nabi’s diary entries were to not be trusted since she might not have remembered what happened, but Witness B mentioned that Nabi made those entries in the moment she was experiencing those situations.

Reporters noted that throughout this exchange, Nabi stared blankly ahead of her, playing with her fingers. Throughout the court proceedings, Jimmy Jeong allegedly looked to Nabi with an apologetic expression.

Witness B was allowed to go sit down and both sides’ lawyers were allowed to make their closing statements, starting with JYP Entertainment.

“As an agency, JYP Entertainment has tried to ensure the safety and comfortability of its artists. They cannot be held accountable for the actions of the employees.” — JYP Entertainment.

Nabi’s lawyers then made her closing statement.

“JYP Entertainment may not be accountable for the actions of their employees, however they are accountable for their artists’ safety. JYP Entertainment failed to make sure Kim Nabi felt safe and they failed to protect her, instead actively working to shield the perpetrator of her abuse. If they really cared for their artist, wouldn’t they let her leave without a fight?” — Kim Nabi.

©️ kim nabi

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

Tag Game Tuesday: 911 Lone Star Fandom Edition

How fun! Thank you for tagging me @tellmegoodbye!

When did you first start watching Lone Star? Who or what introduced you to the show?

In early February 2022, I began to see some Push gifs on tumblr and I was very intrigued. Two beautiful men, one waking up from a coma, both of them obviously in love with each other...I had to know more! I started season 1 a few days later and it took me around a week to get completely caught up. I was just in time to watch 3x07 as it aired. I've been completely consumed by the show and Tarlos ever since.

Which season is your favorite?

I think season 3 is the most consistently great season, though I love a lot about all the seasons. Still, if I have to pick a favorite, it's season 3.

Who is your favorite character? (Bonus: If you answered TK or Carlos, who is your favorite besides them?)

TK and Carlos are absolutely my favorite characters. I love them so much. I don't think I can even choose between them to pick out one single favorite. Aside from those two, I think my next favorite is Marjan.

Top five episodes. Go!

1. In the Unlikely Event of An Emergency (3x08)

2. Push (3x04)

3. Saving Grace (2x09)

4. Riddle of the Sphynx (3x13)

5. A Bright and Cloudless Morning (3x18)

If you could pick any character to be given a "begins" episode, who would it be and what would that episode look like?

Carlos. My dream season 5 episode would be somewhat of a "begins" episode for him, focusing on his relationship with his father and showing him working through his feelings about that and his grief. It would include flashbacks that would give us a chance to see more of Gabriel. I would also love it if Carlos was solving his father's murder in the present!

What is a scenario or storyline that you would like to see in season 5?

The one thing I want most from season 5 is great Tarlos content. Particularly, I want to see TK and Carlos working together as a team. They make a pretty good team, after all! I think it would be great if TK helped Carlos solve Gabriel's murder. Bonus points if this storyline involves both of them freaking out over the other being in danger!

What do you think is going on in this still?

There are so many potential scenarios! My best guess in this moment is that TK is upset and worried about Carlos--maybe he's being threatened by Gabriel's murderer or putting himself in a situation where he could be in danger. Carlos is trying to tell TK that everything is going to be ok when he gets a phone call that ends up being related to the danger somehow or potentially gives Carlos some information that will lead him into more danger.

Either that or maybe TK went to the pet store and they were all out of Lou's favorite crickets and so he came home devastated that he couldn't provide his lizard son's favorite food. Carlos, determined to not allow his husband to be disappointed, gets on the phone and begins calling every single pet store in Austin.

We all know about the elusive 5x05 spicy scene that has been teased, so what is your prediction for how it could possibly top 1x02?

To be honest, I'm not quite convinced that it could possibly be hotter than 1x02. I know Ronen said that it is, but he's very enthusiastic and recency bias could easily play a role here. However, I could imagine an excellent scene following a brief separation or a moment where one or both of them were hurt or in danger. Like some life-affirming/reunion/slamming each other up against the walls of the loft kind of sex! Really, it does not have to actually top 1x02 to make me happy. I'll be happy with anything!

Where was the Tarlos honeymoon in your mind?

Somewhere fairly close to home where they could have some peace and quiet and relax and enjoy each other's company and gaze at each other's wedding rings and get all sappy about it. What I want most for them is to be able to rest and be happy and in love, so that's how I picture the honeymoon.

Shoutout one of your favorite fan creations.

There are so many incredible fan creations in this fandom. So many talented people! It's very hard to pick just one. The first that comes to mind in this moment after just thinking a lot about what I want from season 5 is How I linger to admire by @ladytessa74. If the show gave me a season 5 just like this fic, I would be very happy! See also: this list of the fic that brought me joy in 2023

No pressure tagging:

@lemonlyman-dotcom @ladytessa74 @she-walked-away @reasonandfaithinharmony @carlos-in-glasses

@paperstorm @vineofroses @laelipoo @herefortarlos @bonheur-cafe

@literateowl @welcometololaland @goldenskykaysani @carlos-tk @toomanycupsoftea

@autistic-lesbian-story-lover @guardian-angle22 @reeeallygood @goodways

[rubywolf0201]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, games, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

Oh for sure. I’ll tell you my list of favourite characters from the media that I consume:

1.) Matakara Asamine (BUCCHIGIRI?!)- It is no secret that ever since this anime aired, he has become one of my top fav anime character. Character-wise, I love how he is the sunshine puppy childhood friend character but with some depth like dealing with inner demons regarding his lonely past and insecurities and it kind of goes to show that Mata is not your typical cheerful sunny character as he underwent a corruption arc back in Episode 9.

2.) Diamant (Fire Emblem Engage)- I’m pretty sure if you guys have scoured through my art blogs on my second art account and Twitter, you would realize I tend to draw fanart of him all the time. But as for why I like him. I like how he genuinely tried to reach out people outside of his kingdom that doesn’t need to involve war and bloodshed. He only gets angry/resort to violence if his loved ones or people closest to him are targeted (like the Morion incident) and that he also has major insecurities involving his duties as the Crown Prince. Oh and he also has a funny side to him like laughing at the most corniest joke that his retainer Amber has done. Oh and his relationship with Alcryst and Citrinne are the best too.

3.) Princess Peach (Super Mario Bros)- Gonna throw in some women in my list because it ain’t fair if I talk about hot dudes all the time but really I’ve been playing Peach’s second solo game since yesterday and I’m instantly in love with it. Now as for her character, she is a darling. She can be baking a cake one day, doing her royal duties another day or just go out and have fun with Mario and friends. But really, Peach is Nintendo’s most iconic female character of all time due to how she showcases that being girly and being badass aren’t mutually exclusive and that they can go hand to hand (Amy Rose is of similar vein too as well) and that whilst a pacifist, she won’t hesitate to get her hands dirty.

4.) Tooru Kirishima (The Yakuza’s Guide to Babysitting)- If anyone from 2022 has remembered how much I talk about this man, then yeah. Anyways, I just love how despite being an extremely violent yakuza enforcer, he’s actually a kind, quiet and socially awkward man but can be a bit of a tease towards his closest friends and family (have you seen the man interacting with the mum’s in Yaeka’s school?). His relationship with Yaeka started out awkward at first but over time, you see them geniunely bonding with one another. But that being said, it’s not best if you get to his super scary side if you piss him off more than once. Also, I have a weakness for scary men (sometimes women) with a heart of gold to them. He’s my silly little meow meow

5.) Takina Inoue (Lycoris Recoil)- I got into the anime pretty late last year despite being released alongside The Yakuza’s Guide to Babysitting in the Summer 2022 anime lineup but yeah I love Takina. She originally started out as a cold and ruthless girl who follows orders to a tee without being aware of the dangers she posed but after meeting Chisato, her worldview changed for the better in that she became a much kinder person than the cold hearted assassin she was before. She can be slightly awkward with her interactions, a bit straight faced with embarrassing things but that doesn’t hide the fact that she can and WILL kill for her loved ones if they’re in any danger (she’s basically a female Kirishima lol). Oh and I love her voice actresses performance so that’s why she is my fav. (Tho if you ask me who I like more, it’s Xanthe)

6.) Penny (Pokèmon Scarlet and Violet)- Penny is one of the Pokèrivals I just vibe and relate with because like her, I’m a huge nerd when it comes to anime that I like and we are also introverts too. She is blunt and rude yes but she’s a child who is capable of growing, as shown in the DLC epilogue where she began to take notice of how Arlan pointed out that her dad cares for her and that unlike him, she at least have families who love and care for her. (Oh and she has a party full of Eeveelutions, what’s not to love?) Oh and I recommend checking out her storyline because it’s amazing.

7.) Kiyoshi Teppei (Kuroko’s Basketball)- Like with Kirishima, I was also constantly crazy about this lil guy back in 2021-2022. Now I know he was introduced pretty late in Season 1 out of nowhere with no buildup, but he quickly became one of my favs because of how he is a teddy bear personified, can be a little dumb and unaware of the things he do but all he wanted to do is just have fun. Oh and he can display a selfish side if his friends are in any danger (Kirisaki game arc). His chemistry with literally anyone in the Seirin team is just too good but I like the ones with Hyuuga cuz you can te the VA’s are clearly having fun with voicing them.

8.) Souma Shiki (Play it Cool Guys)- Out of all the five main guys, I identify with Souma the most and the reason why is that like him, I’m trying to find things that I enjoy the most but sometimes feel insecure about it as well. The way he just laughs is just too plain adorable and his chemistry with the main cast, especially the ones with Shun is mostly enjoyable. Definetely one of my favs.

9.) Mitsumi Iwakura (Skip and Loafer)- Something that me like Mistumi is that out of all the female main characters that I have seen so far is just how confident, ambitious and reassured she is. Sure, Mitsu makes some mistakes here and there but it’s justified in that she’s moving to an environment that she’s completely unfamiliar with but still she tries her best with the things said environment provides her. Oh and any scene with her is just so enjoyable because of how endearingly innocent and awkward she is and that she is also trying her best in what she’s doing.

10.) Jing Yuan (Honkai Star Rail)- Listen I know that prior to being “fixed” in later updates, many ppl aren’t too keen in using him due to how his gameplay style wasn’t really the best and how other Lightining damage dealers like Kafka and Serval beats him. But I hardly saw anyone talked about his character so here I am. I think what made me fascinated about Jing Yuan’s character is that even if he appears to be slovenly and sleepy looking all the time, he is pretty shrewd and calculating when the situation calls for it. He is also a pretty nice guy and that despite having deep issues with his former comrades in the Cloud Quintet, he tries his best to stay strong as possible to the point of being self-sacrificial. That and he is one of my “Not Gay BUT-” type of characters.

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[chronotopes]

big epiphany last night that probably belongs in the diary and not on tumblr

but between august 2022 and april 2023 i was for the most part living this almost severance-like* lifestyle where on weekends i was a living being with a girlfriend and somewhat of a circle of friends and hobbies and interests and on weekdays i was someone who went to work and did my job and talked to my parents. and that was about it. maybe from an outside perspective that sounds like ~codependency!~ but it really had to do a lot less with being in a moderate-distance relationship and a lot more to do with the freaky all-consuming emotional demands of my job, and parts of my life that had blown up in a big way just as jenny's school year started, leaving me... unable or unwilling, for the most part, to do things like writing and going places in that weird work-week haze. such a clear delineation between Feeling Alive vs Tomorrow And Tomorrow And Tomorrow seems horrible and unsettling in hindsight but it felt okay at the time. there was a certain very rhythmic predictability to it. the bad things didn't disappear on the weekends and the good things weren't unreachable on the weekdays but – for the most part at least – in each case, one felt so much more important and all consuming than the other. the point is it's a weird transition from that to living with jenny and having a job that, while not perfect, gives me a lot more mobility and free emotional energy and functional stability. while still being very far away, an hour to two hours to much more than that, from all of the other fixtures of our social circle. i think a lot of my most #kind of pathetic moments in the past few months, "weeping on car rides home from seeing friends because you're sleepy" type behavior, comes in part from that transition state. the concept of 'feeling like a real person' is no longer reserved for three nights out of the week but that means there's another real person there to see me when i'm #kind of pathetic rather than super fun. i mean jenny has always seen me be kind of pathetic but there's a difference between acute emotional distress and the kind of empty listlessness that comes from an important part of your life being two hours away from where you live. driving home in the dark or in early morning and trying to stay awake. i guess what i'm trying to say is that a) i should not read the fact that i'm no longer on and off crushingly unhappy as a signal that i have to be super fun all the time because nobody can be super fun all the time even when they're happy, and b) the expectation gap between being Super Fun and Kind Of Tired is not being read in bad faith by the people around me, and c) if i'm driving at the end of a long day and thinking "i'm pathetic and weird and unfunny and nobody likes me" the key word is at the end of a long day and things are probably fine. anyway i thought through this on 95 last night and then put on e mo tion for the first time in like years (thank you hanif) and actually found that SOMEHOW in the midst of how obsessed i was with that album back in the day it actually has bonus tracks i haven't heard. love again goes hard. thank you carly rae jepsen, i did and do love again and it rules.

*haven't seen the show so i'm basing this metaphor exclusively off of the basic premise

[yourpintilts]

Only Friends and Genre Theory

Well - I guess I'll start this blog off with post about everyone's (my) favorite series (it literally has not aired yet) of 2023: Only Friends.

Recently, the nominees for the ContentAsia awards were released, and my friends and I were celebrating the nomination of The Eclipse for Best LGBTQ+ Show (yay!) when a really interesting topic arose. Someone pointed out that Jojo Tichakorn's Never Let Me Go was chosen over The Warp Effect, which they felt was his better work in 2022. Regardless of your opinion on that (though, I agree), we wondered if The Warp Effect is even eligible at all. Of course, the category is LGBTQ+ Shows, but every single nominee is a BL.

I've noticed, in my perusing of BL Twitter and Tumblr that most fans seem to differentiate between BL, lakorns/dramas, and the LGBTQ+ genre, but nobody seems to define them. They are designating the genre by, for lack of a better word (although I consider it pretty accurate), the vibes.

I've seen the off-handed "I wonder what genre it will be" or "It seems like Jojo is leaning away from BL with this series" comment more than once about Only Friends. And really, it's hard to say at all when all we have is a trailer and cryptic social media posts from the cast and crew, but, uh, I'm gonna try. Sort of.

So, let's get into it: Is Only Friends going to be a BL, drama, an LGBTQ+ show, or something else entirely?

Alright, before we get into trying to put a label on the series, let's talk about the labels themselves: it's Genre Theory time!

So, what is genre? Well, most of us would consider it to be the category that we put a type of media or art into: country music, romance novels, etc. Genres help us differentiate amongst the huge sea of art, find patterns and create links between work, and, most practically, help us decide if we will likely enjoy something or not.

Normally, it's not much more complicated than that. Sci-fi, drama, noir, biography - each of these gives you a basic idea of what you're getting into, what tropes you might expect, or how you might feel while consuming it. But film theorists will be film theorists, and it's not actually that simple.

Let's take the horror genre as an example. At its face, we define films as horror because they follow certain tropes and patterns: things like jump scares, the final girl, dark and saturated style, slashers and paranormal, etc. But what about movies like Parasite or Get Out? These films rely less on jump scares and physical horror - it's their concepts themselves that are so scary. And so this is where sub-genres come in, in which Parasite and Get Out are labeled as psychological horror to further define them. And then there are films that just... don't seem to be anything at all. Something like (because I recently watched it) In Bruges, which mixes crime, drama, and comedy, but also never fully leans in to any of them. It sort of defies genre altogether.

So, that's the gist of genre theory. Basically, the point is that sometimes you can put a film or other piece of art in a category, and sometimes you can't.

But, let's be honest. We don't care about other movies. Let's talk about sexy, spectacular, groundbreaking masterpiece that will be Only Friends, and how we can apply genre theory in order to try to figure out what label best fits.

There are several different indicators of a BL, and Only Friends does fit some of them:

Most straightforwardly: the primary story in a BL is a relationship between two male characters. Of course, in this case there are six male leads (and who knows how many different pairings... TopSan, NickSan, RayBoston, and more have their advocates, some even seem likely), but the point is that the series is focused on their relationships together. Along with this, two of the three primary couples - ForceBook and FirstKhaotung - featured in the show are official pairings at GMMTV. BLs nearly always feature couples who have worked or will work together in multiple shows.

The series is also being produced by GMMTV, a company well-known for its stake in the BL genre, and it follows the logistical style of a 12-episode limited series.

But in several other ways, the show is in direct opposition to many of the components of BL. Some may not be intentional, or hard and fast "rules," but they occur so often that they are undeniably associated with BL as a genre.

As mentioned above, two of the lead couples are official pairings, but the other isn't. In fact, Neo and Mark both auditioned for their roles in Only Friends, and Director Jojo Tichakorn has spoken about his intention in casting them: to divert the expectation of clear masculine/feminine and top/bottom roles in queer relationships. The "seme" and "uke" trope, designating who gives and receives sexually (and usually indicating personality and relationship dynamics), has been pervasive in BL. It panders to the homophobic notion that queer relationships must still follow heteronormative standards. With NeoMark - and, as I believe, with all of the relationships in the series - Jojo will subvert that standard.

Also, Only Friends has a not insignificant amount of openly queer people writing, directing, etc. for the show. This certainly isn't the first time this has happened, but since BL began as a genre made by women and for women, Only Friends seems determined to be a series by queer people and for queer people.

And, because we've already established genre is not black and white, there are other aspects of Only Friends that blur the lines of its BL status. Only Friends seems to be much darker, grittier, and realistic the typical dramedy BL. We already know we will see smoking, drug use, sex, cheating, and according to Jojo, this is only scratching the surface. But, of course, the BL genre has evolved as of late, giving us shows like KinnPorsche, which also delve into such topics. So, while BL is largely more comedic and lighthearted, a darker series still can fit the genre.

Of course, there are many other characteristics of BL that Only Friends exhibits and opposes - I could be here forever if I wanted to list every single one, but we have less than a week until episode one, and personally, I want to watch the trailer a thousand more times before Saturday. So hopefully these examples gave you enough of an idea that Only Friends sort of straddles the line of BL (but also that BL itself is incredibly difficult to define, especially as it continues to evolve).

What about the LGBTQ+ genre - can Only Friends better be defined by this? Likely, yes, but my answer is so because the LGBTQ+ genre itself is even vaguer than BL.

(Some even argue that it isn't a genre at all. That's a post for another time.)

Shows labeled as LGBTQ+ are often done so because of a few defining characteristics, usually occurring at the same time: the show features LGBTQ+ characters, depicts LGBTQ+ themes (coming-of-age, acceptance, found family, etc), and is broadly accepted as such by the queer community. Only Friends certainly does the first two, but the third might be a bit trickier than it seems. With the divide between the LGBTQ+ and BL genres, some audiences will argue it fits one over the other.

And perhaps there are some important differences: the LGBTQ+ genre exists on an international scale, with media added to the queer canon from all over the world. Comparatively, I'm not sure I can think of a show outside of Asia that has been labeled as a BL. The LGBTQ+ genre does tend to be more diverse in gender and sexuality than the typical gay male leads in BL, too - BL does stand specifically for Boys' Love while LGBTQ+ encompasses any form of queerness.

But if we're focusing on these standards, I think Only Friends checks these boxes as well. The show seems to clearly be a test for a less conservative international market. And it is more diverse than just gay male leads; Namchueam is sapphic, Jojo has indicated that Ray is bisexual, and Yo is played by Jennie, a trans woman. Sure, there can always be more diversity, but this is absolutely a step forward compared to past, and many current, GMMTV series.

After positioning Only Friends next to the BL genre, then the LGBTQ+ genre, I would love to be able to make a judgment and wrap this all up in a neat little bow.

Actually, that's a lie. I don't want to do that - I am the complicated film theorist I was talking about before. So, it's a good thing I can't, isn't it?

Ultimately, Only Friends is a show that is here to break boundaries, to subvert expectations, to give us something we've never seen before in Thai, or maybe even international, entertainment. It would be an injustice to the series to try to put it in a box, to ignore its little nuances out of convenience.

It doesn't matter whether Only Friends is a BL or LGBTQ+ drama. We should be looking at the show holistically, taking it in as it is rather than through the lens of the things we come to expect from a specific genre. Genre can be useful, yes, but we can't get too held up on applying it where it may not be productive.

And yet (plot twist!), it sort of... does matter? It matters, not in the sense of changing what the show is, but changing the way we perceive and discuss it. The implications that come with a BL series are different than those of an LGBTQ+ series, even though both genres are difficult to define and are ever-changing.

The conversations we have about how innovative Only Friends is, its place in Asian versus international culture, whether it can be considered a success or not, if it's "good" representation and who gets to decide that... all of that is a product of the genre we label a series with. And I'm not really here to argue whether that is a good or a bad thing; like I said, genre can be useful, and fun - there's a reason specific genres remain popular! What I hope this post sparks is external and internal conversation about why we label, and how that might do a service and/or disservice to the media we engage with. Think about the way that you, personally, want to interact with Only Friends and shows like it, accept it, and then challenge it.

[thatonecontainerwithoutalid]

Thank you The Owl House. Thank you for everything.

I find it strangely fitting that an eclipse is happening on the first year anniversary of the last episode!

I cannot explain how much this series has impacted my life. How it has made me laugh and cry and smile so much. I did join in late on the party - started watching mid April to May of 2022, but even then it still holds a beyond special place in my heart.

The characters feel more real to me than they do in any other media I have consumed - even one with less screen time feel like a person. And that's part of what makes the whole series so lovable, that you can really connect with the characters! The weirdos are a found family I adore because you can so clearly see their progression from outcasted strangers to family. Same with the hexsquad!

The story is so engaging, the way they go about developing the characters and fighting Belos' rule kept me wanting to see what happened next. And after Kings Tide, when they end up in the human realm?? I was losing my shit. I hadn't had a story make me feel like that in a while.

This show revived my utter love of witches and magic; when I was 9, my dream was to be a witch, which was partly fueled by Little Witch Academia. Obviously that career isn't quite accessible to say the least, but it made me so happy designing my witchsona and pretending to cast spells. This show brought back some of that to me, and I can't say I haven't spent a good amount of time doodling glyphs!

When Watching and Dreaming released, I went into it thinking I wouldn't cry much. Not even 2 minutes in, I started sobbing and did not stop crying till 15 minutes AFTER I finished the episode. Many people have criticisms of the final episode, but to me, it is absolutely perfect.

Most of this was just rambles about some main things I love about this show; I could go into much more but I'll end it here. I plan to post some fanart later, but for now, thanks for reading and thank you once again, TOH.

[rochelle-echidna]

Hi there!! I really want to start reading your works since you've been kind enough to read mine, but you have such a wide array of fics I'm not sure where to start - I was hoping I could ask if you had any recommendations of your own works, or any personal personal favourites you could pass along!

Oh my goodness, first off, apologies for taking a few days to respond, and second off... gosh, I've never been asked to rec my own work before, so this was surprisingly tough haha

I do indeed love your work and know you're a big fan of the Bakurae and Malikses, so going off that I've compiled a list showing the "greatest hits," if you will :D

Domestic Ishtars series - The first YGO fic I ever wrote, which spawned a series and has slowly consumed my life and made me feel terrible that I haven't updated in so long I swear I will y'all I wanna finish this series so bad... If you like a heavy dose of post-canon angst and Ishtar family shenanigans (particular for Malik) then I'd def recommend this series

Resistance - The first fic I was ever honest-to-god proud of and stayed up all night finishing in basically one go haha I'll admit, it gets a bit harsh midway through (I was not especially kind to TKB in this one, oy vey) but it ends really cathartic and I still revisit this fic if I need reassurance that my future writing won't suck :P

Nearly Forgot My Broken Heart - My longest fic (see, Rochelle, you can write novel-length work, damn it!) and the only one I believe exists on AO3 for the helioshipping tag (awesome ship name courtesy of @sitabethel) because I was (and still am) obsessed with the idea of a post-canon "what if" polycule scenario involving Ryou, Malik, YB and TKB :)

When the World Ends - I like writing AU YGO fics a lot, and for whatever reason this one is my favourite and just came together exactly how I wanted! It's post-apocalyptic meets dive bar meets mechanical bull meets dancing to outdated jukebox music meets (yet again) cathartic ending, all under the guise of getting Malik, YM and TKB together because why the hell not :D

Out of the Darkness - Figured I had to share at least one other non-explicit fic so I didn't come across as too thirsty lol I wrote this one for a lovely YGO zine in 2022 and (along with another upcoming zine fic that I can't talk too much about atm) it's near and dear to my heart, especially with the absolutely gorgeous art accompanying it ;n; If you can't tell, I love Malik and putting him in scenarios and then having (usually) TKB come in to fix those scenarios, so if you're a citronshipping fiend like me you'll probably like this one

[neo-neos]

Getting to know your BL mutuals - 2022 Edition

Simple, answer the questions. @ some people. Include the tag 'g2ky BL mutuals 2022' on your post so we can find everyone's answers!

tagged by the lovely @chimerasinourskyline - and @aleng-neng and @dont---just-dont Thank you so much for this <3 It's my first time really interacting with the community in this way and I feel legit honored <3

DISCLAIMER -> I started watching BL literally last month, I am fully 110% new and have been literally binging everything I can get my hands on to get on everyones level of knowledge and passion. If I fuck up a date (aka: came out last year or something) pls do not lynch me it is hard to keep up. I also have not seen everything yet, I am trying to keep up but I can only watch so much in a day. Okay thank you &lt;;3

What has been the BL that took you by surprise this year?

To be fair, ChocoMilkShake -> (I am aware it is still airing but I am pretty sure it will finish airing before the year is over) When I heard the concept I was kinda like ???? Dog??? Cat??? BL???? But I was so happily surprised omg.

Roommates of Poongduck 304 -> I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I DOUBTED THIS IN THE BEGINNING BUT OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH NOW

What has been the BL that you felt a bit disappointed with this year?

To be very very honest... And hear me out here... Big Dragon -> The first episode I was like: OH SHIT LET'S GO??? The spice, the drama the bdsm... but then I was like... Where...Where did that go? I LOVE the couple, like MosBank are hawt... But I feel like MosBank has more chemistry than MangkornYai does and... Idk? Season 2 redemption????? Idk

Cutie Pie -> was a little hard to get through for me at times... Sorry? The couple is great, the story wasn't my fav

The rest of the slightly more disappointing shows are from before 2022 so I won't go on a rant lmfao

What has been your favourite BL this year?

KINNPORSCHE -> Oh my god, this show changed me... Like, I can't even explain in words how... But I literally consume every piece of content I can about the cast because I cannot get enough. I'm gonna rewatch it another 10 times probably?

Love in the Air -> I don't even know how to explain this one tbh, I just love the cast, the characters, the storyline didn't even matter that much to me as long as I got to see them doing their thing.. It had some deeper messages here and there too which I loved.

Blueming -> Do I need to explain this one?

Semantic error -> My first BL, again do I need to explain this one?

(I know it's not done airing but...) Between Us -> as long as it does not take some really hectic turns... It's def a fav for this year at least!

Favourite BL couples (not just of 2022)?

MileApo, Payurain, Prapaisky, WinTeam... I am not really big on remembering ship names yet.. I am trying but I legit forget names in daily life too, and then having to remember IN SHOW ship names and then they also come up with REAL NAME ship names and I have 2 working braincells pls do not do this to me lmfao

If you had to suggest a BL for someone what would it be?

(This didn't have to be 2022 right??? I'm just going to go with no)

Kinnporsche -> this one is mainly a little selfish because I just want more people to see it so I can make more friends lmfao

Not me -> I mean come on... That shit was a masterpiece

Blueming -> Good story fr fr fr

Life - Love on the Line -> Look I loved this so much and I kinda related a lot to this show and that shit HURT but also brought so much comfort????

My beautiful man -> Same as above really lmao

Bad buddy -> I mean it's just good

What's your non-BL favourite for this year?

WEAK HERO CLASS 1

OH MY GOD this show has me in a fucking chokehold and I want to consume everything that has even a VAGUE mention to this show

It is so insanely good

It has some bromance going on so not fully "non-bl" but still.

AnYWAY any questions about this feel free to hit up my askbox or the comments to this thing. Again excuse the noob mistakes if there are any, feel free to point them out kindly to teach me because I love to learn but pls don't come for my throat lmao &lt;;3

I would like to tag: @sunf10wer8 @irishtwinmags @keithblguy

(If ^^^^ any of you already did this and I missed it, I am very sorry, feel free to @ me on the post so I can see it! <3)

[formulinos]

I would like to preface this by saying that this has no basis in facts, as in I haven't personally talked to anyone that could confirm the stuff I'm about to say. I'd like to name this a conspiracy hypothesis instead of a theory, since I have no proof. I'll sprinkle some links here and there as I go about, but they are just basically temporal marks so you know I didn't pull this whole thing out of my ass. I am very much aware, however, that most of the time I'll sound like this:

I also am aware that I might seem biased in this, but give me a chance to explain who the real villain of the story is. Also feel free to just ignore it, again, this is not factually true as far as we know and I did have a schizophrenic episode in 2013 that led me to 6 months of antipsychotic treatment. It could be happening again! 

Anyway, here we go. I believe that the 2022 Formula 1 Championship declared its winners before it even began, that is, Max Verstappen and Red Bull Racing. NO WAIT COME BACK HEAR ME OUT.

Consider the situation before and after the 2021 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. I think a recent quote from Stefano Domenicali actually resumes it well:

“The World Championship being decided on the last lap of the last race, last year in Abu Dhabi,” Domenicali told the Corriere della Sera when asked what his most satisfying moment was, “leaving aside the controversy.”

By the end of 2021, Formula 1 had become a culmination of what Liberty Media wanted for it: a full spectacle where racing was just the necessary background for something that gives much more money, that is, storytelling. The Lewis Hamilton v. Max Verstappen created a rivalry, which is EXCELLENT for marketing, as this article by Dr. Cody T. Havard and Dr. Vassilis Dalakas highlights:

The rivalry phenomenon in sport also infuences the way fans consume the sport. In particular, playing a rival team positively infuences fan likelihood to attend a live game (Havard, Shapiro et al., 2013) and the amount they are willing to pay for tickets (Sanford & Scott, 2016). Rivalry can infuence the way fans evaluate team branded merchandise (Kwak, Kwon, & Lim, 2015), team sponsors (Angell et al., 2016; Bee & Dalakas, 2013; Dalakas & Levin, 2005; Grohs, Reisinger, & Woisetschläger, 2015), league-wide cause-related marketing (Nichols, Cobbs, & Raska, 2016), fan behavior (Wann & Dolan, 1994; Wann & Greive, 2005; Wenger & Brown, 2014), and player performance (Wann et al., 2006). 

Rivalries means money, and at the peak of Hamilton v. Verstappen, F1 was making BANK. However, the fact that Domenecali had to say "leaving aside the controversy" means that the decisions taken on those fateful laps were impactful enough to create a significant divide on the consumers. This happened because from the moment the checkered flag was shown, it stopped being just Red Bull and Mercedes' business and it became the sports' business as a whole. Therefore, two things happened:

1) The spectacle that Liberty Media had created was crumbling down in front of them. 2) The legitimacy of FIA's actions were being put to question directly, since this was down to the actions of their highest representative in the racing aspect.

How can you move past this? In fact, many fans still haven't and might never will. But still, there are things you can do to try and mend things. The first was the Report. A half-assed mea culpa from the FIA that included a long evaluation of the events that transpired that day and the implementation of measures to keep it from happening again. Michael Masi was (rightfully, even though he was the scapegoat) shown the door and although it took them a long time to show a verdict, the release date right before the start of the 2022 season means this was the last of it for them and they were turning the page.

Still, an issue remains that still highlighted points 1 and 2, the question of Max's championship being retained. Surely, the FIA couldn't not admit any fault in the report or else the lack of self-criticism would doom them in the eyes of fans, but admitting too much fault meant that their decision to stick to Max's championship would be forever contested and so their actions from then on. For Liberty Media and the storytelling issue, it means that their conclusion of the Young Hotshot that defeated The Sport Giant never happened and instead The Sport Giant would just become Bigger. This can't do.

So far, I've discussed this from the FIA's and Liberty Media's POVS, but consider this from Red Bull's perspective. Christian Horner was on the record straight after Abu Dhabi defending Max's championship and saying that the championship as a whole was enough proof of his skills and the teamwork. But even more, he states that the Drivers' Championship is the most important out of the two given at the end of the season:

"The constructors' is where the money is," he said. "That is where the revenues that come into the sport are distributed, based on your performance in the championship. I think every employee within our team, and probably in most of the teams, is rewarded on where they are in the constructors' championship, as opposed to the drivers'. But the drivers' obviously has the popularity and it has the prestige. I don't think there's a single employee within our business that would have traded the first place in the constructors' for this drivers' championship."

If the drivers' championship has all the popularity and the prestige, then it also has the power to take those things away if its integrity is put into question. So, all that's left to do is convince people that this result would naturally take place. If many of Max's supporters said that "he would have won it anyway," then you best make sure that he does win it again, because once can happen by chance, but twice means that the level of talent and professionalism involved is too high and the results of 2021 were bound to happen. While there would still be skeptics, for a large majority of the doubtful fans, a bi-championship would be enough proof and the sport is considered legitimate again. 

This is the motivation, so, what's the plan? Well, you need Max to win the championship, but there can be no doubt about it. Leaving it for the last race means that it could get out of control and this wouldn't be enough to quench people's thirst. Max has to win by a landslide to be considered a dominant force that's inescapable, which also means that Red Bull should be considered at the top of their game. Therefore, if last year they could afford to lose the WCC, this year they have to take it as a way of reclaiming their power and their role in enabling Max to be the best he can be. 

Now, this is a sport. They can't rely just on Red Bull doing their best to make sure this goes smoothly, they also need the cooperation of others. Honestly, if they asked every single team to help them out, most of them would imo. Again, the events in Abu Dhabi didn't just impact RBR and Merc, they affected the sport as a whole and it is on everybody's interest to get past this slump. If the controversy only gets worse and fans' viewership and engagement goes down, it's over - it's not gonna happen from one day to another, surely, but it's not forgotten either. BUT, realistically, they don't need to talk to Haas or Williams or Alfa Romeo. They just need to ensure that the teams that could directly face RBR come out behind, and there are basically two that could truly do it: Mercedes and Ferrari.

With Mercedes, the approach taken was... do nothing. They didn't have to, since the "nerf the dominating team" initiative that FIA regularly does was already being implemented since 2019. The small technical regulations tweaks that were left for 2021 were already good enough to close the gap between Merc and Red Bull and allow for more competition, and the overall 2022 regulation haul did just as any reg change intends to: remove domination out of the equation. I'm not mad about this since well, it is their job to make sure there is a competition and you just need to reset things from time to time. Ferrari has been through this, McLaren has been through this, Red Bull has been through this, etc. For once, it's really just business. Sure, Mercedes shot themselves in the foot with their initial design, but they were set up for failure anyway. 

Now, Ferrari.

Ferrari had a few things going on for them. First, a solid duo of drivers, one of them being a usually very solid, reliable and stealth grid climber and the other literally nicknamed by the fans "Il Predestinato". Then, they managed to unfuck things up from 2020 to 2021 and get back to the top 3, orbiting just outside the two main forces of F1 at the moment. In this aspect, they also could afford to relax a bit on the 2021 championship and focus on the 2022 car in June, way before Mercedes and Red Bull due to their relative safe place in the championship - back in June, P3 seemed most likely, but even if it was a P4, the money prize made no difference to FERRARI and the extra wind tunnel time would even be a plus. 

This is all to say that they would inevitably come out with a banger car, there was no other way this could go. In the hybrid era, only two cars were major flops: the F14 T that managed to get one fucking podium in an entire season, but still landed 4th, so a good birth in relation to the field nevertheless and the SF1000 that was the consequence of its own actions. Other than that, Ferrari was regularly in the vice-leadership or Top 3, and you can bet they were coming to snatch wigs again.

Well, pre-season testing comes and Ferrari takes Barcelona in relation to Red Bull. Red Bull posts the fastest lap but they present reliability issues, while Ferrari does fine and dandy in experimentation. This is rectified by Bahrain, that shows in theory a better Red Bull car, with its hiccups fixed. However, it's noted that Ferrari are still behind, and less farther than one would think. 

So, we get three initial rounds with Ferrari working flawlessly and striking two double podiums and two wins. Charles emerges as the championship leader while Red Bull show they have the pace, but their reliability issues can't be ignored. But by round 4 RBR are back on their feet and Ferrari suffer from home race luck, making weird strategy calls. It's okay, you can understand it once.

One thing to note is the difference in tone adopted in regards to this year's early rivalry, During the first semester, a few headlines we've seen were:

"There’s not been a lot of politics and bullsh*t" - Red Bull and Ferrari moving ahead in 2022 F1 season with 'genuine respect,' says Christian Horner

Max Verstappen says he 'prefers' F1 rivalry with Charles Leclerc to battle with Lewis Hamilton

Marko: Ferrari rivalry ‘won’t escalate like Mercedes’

All of the time, it's highlighted that there is a rivalry in place, which is good for the sport, but that it won't get as toxic and bad as last year with Mercedes. The idea is to be less aggressive, in order to show that such behaviour is in the past and that F1 can be entertaining on and off track without needing to resort to fighting.

But, as I said before, we do need Max to win, and by a landslide. Yet, by Miami, Charles was still very much in the run recovering from his 6th in Imola with a second place and Carlos getting back on the podium after two retirements. The tides started shifting harshly in Spain, when Charles retired and Carlos struggled to 4th. In the same race, Charles loses the championship lead to Max. From then on, as Sky Sports point out, from Spain to Hungary Charles loses on 108 points due to team-related issues in comparison to 32 points from individual errors. In Belgium, more scenes as strategy demands Charles to try to go for the fastest lap and pit. He fails to get the lap and gets a penalty that pushes him one place down (6th). From the Dutch Grand Prix to Singapore, Charles has managed to recover his form and feature in the podium all three races, but it's now Max's championship to lose. To sum up, Ferrari who seemed majorly solid until the fifth round started flopping left and right out of the blue, seemingly making a point of losing the championship by sheer incompetence.

When faced with criticism, Mattia Binotto has repeatedly stated that there was no need for changes at his Ferrari staff. In fact, some of his most outlandish claims include that the Hungary Grand Prix win wasn't possible for them anyway, regardless of Charles' display that day. Curiously, his tone only changed after the Italian Grand Prix (RIP Ana Formulinos' dream of going to Monza, 2000-2022) when he finally admitted something needed to be done. A bit too late, considering that from the next race onwards, the title was Max's to win on a mathematical basis. 

So, here comes a question: what's in it for Ferrari, exactly? Honestly... I've no fucking clue. They were punished over an engine that fell in the "not legal but not illegal" limbo in 2020 by the same FIA which, in this scenario I'm hypothesising, would have cut some sort of deal with advantages for them in the upcoming seasons. This is for us to see in the future, as nothing is bound to happen for us in 2022. However, I think a factor that is important is that while Ferrari is the crown jewel of F1's teams, the records and titles mean nothing if the sport is dead and/or perceived as illegitimate. Therefore, the same way it is the other teams' interest to keep the show going, Ferrari might be the one to need it the most. They need each other. So, I could see Ferrari, Liberty Media and the FIA all in the same side for once anyway.

Now, an important addendum. In all of this, am I saying that everyone in Red Bull and in Ferrari are involved in this? Is Max Verstappen devilishly laughing as he wins and wins and is Charles binning it on purpose? Are the mechanics at Ferrari armed with hammers to destroy the chassis while no one's watching? NO OF COURSE NOT. You can tell that these drivers are real people that get frustrated with their losses and happy with their wins. You could tell how Max was starting to feel relieved after the reliability issues were gone, and how the light in Charles' eyes dimmed race after race. Same thing with the mechanics whenever there was a failure. In fact, I don't think that for this hypothesis to work everybody needs to be in on it, just the right people. One single strategist is enough for Ferrari to lose a whole race, while Red Bull just needs to make sure the car is running since Max is more than apt to win a race, no denying that.

Cool. Now, here is an interesting point: the budget cap controversy. While things were peaceful between Ferrari and Red Bull until then, things quickly went astray after the first reports of Red Bull possibly breaching the cost cap, with Binotto and Toto meeting up to gossip about it during the Singapore GP. The stance taken by Ferrari is that they mad. They really mad. I suppose that, in this scenario I'd be too, if I had been made to look like a fool bottling every race, even having to take it on the chin after a technical directive so these fools could win and still they're able to splurge on cash to save their season? That would have been bad enough, but the fact that if these extra expenses went undetected, this means they'd be free to do as they please for the 2023 championship... I have a feeling that this is not part of the deal.

Christian Horner went extra defensive, claiming indirectly that there was a snitch in the FIA responsible for the leak and, most importantly:

“One can only assume it’s not coincidental this is at a point where Max has his first strike at a World Championship,” he said.

Speaking later to Sky F1, Horner added: “Do you think that’s a coincidence? Or do you think there might be a little bit of a campaign to discredit what the team has done?

“It’s a little bit suspicious.”

Concerns about a discredited championship, AGAIN. As this report says, it's highly unlikely that the FIA consider harsh penalties as they will probably decree it as a minor breach. Can't go unpunished as again the FIA's decision skills will be put into questioning, but can't be declared a major breach since a harsher penalty might put Ferrari back in the running and we need that landslide, lads.

It's yet to be seen if Max takes it at Japan, which would be kinda curious since the 2021 Japanese Grand Prix was supposed to be about Honda's swan song from F1 and now a celebration of its strengthened ties to Red Bull. Either way, it won't be long now, and the championship will be long done by the last round.  

As an interesting afterthought, I think it's curious how little reporting there has been on the rift between the FIA and FOM/Liberty Media. The creative differences between the two has been significant as Liberty Media presents more changes in the racing format and increases the calendar, something that our current president isn't a fan of. Latest developments have been about the FIA publishing the calendar before FOM, something that's unheard of. In fact, the rift has been said to have gotten worse after... Abu Dhabi, since the FIA perceived it as an indirect result of Liberty Media's push for spectacles :) How lovely is the state of things in F1 right now. 

In conclusion, the result of nearly a year of observation of this championship led me to hypothesise that the result is being constructed to re-legitimise the sport and its organising bodies after the 2021 Abu Dhabi scandal. In this aspect, it's not Max Verstappen, Red Bull and even Scuderia Ferrari per se the direct villains of the story, but the FIA and Liberty Media who in their push to save themselves only get deeper and deeper in the chaos. While I can't prove for sure this is real (and false tbh), there are still further developments in 2022 and 2023 that can change things, so don't take it to heart. Cheers everybody, I'll go back to my cave!