#I just spent my whole lunch period doing this lol

[rc-writes]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐰 || 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 | 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢 | 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚 | 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙

pairings: jj maybank x reader

warnings: mentions of jj getting in a fight & he gets a black eye, slight use of cursing

a/n: hey, guess who's still alive!! i've been meaning to make a part two to this for over a year now but could not come up with a good enough storyline and it ended up going on my never ending to do lists :/ fortunately however season 4 seems to have jump started the gears in my brain because i thought up the entire outline for this in like two minutes the other night lol. anyways, i hope this follow up does part one justice!

When the midday bell rang signaling for everyone to either go to lunch or go home, you all but practically ran out of the building. Your attempt at trying to find JJ at school before first period and during class changes had failed and due to the strict deadline for the mural of two weeks you didn't have time to look around for him before you left. You hoped he might skip lunch or even the rest of the day to meet you at the restaurant.

Your hope slowly shattered piece by piece as the hours went by and the blonde boy hadn't shown. His previous attempt at painting a chicken still on the wall being a stark reminder of his absence. You hadn't had the heart to paint over it yet, leaving it for him to maybe continue tweaking it.

This situation then repeated day after day for a whole week.

You searching the halls of Kildare County High School before school and during changeovers, even deciding to spend a few extra minutes during lunch one day to maybe spot him somewhere. You thinking maybe, just maybe you'd turn the corner by the restaurant and he'd be there standing, waiting for you. And each day you found no trace of him.

Maybe because you only went half of the day and maybe you two just had wildly different classes on different sides of the building made for you two to keep missing each other. Maybe you had walked past him a million times and just hadn't spotted him in the crowd of students walking to and from classes. Maybe considering when you first met him, he was in the middle of skipping school so maybe he just wasn't there to begin with. Though this didn't explain why he was never there at the resultant.

By the fourth day of you coming up empty you had decided to ask around to see who his friends were. The only reason as to why you hadn't before was because it felt too desperate, but now you were bordering on being desperate.

Upon finding out he spent most of his time hanging out with the same three people, you spent another day staying a few minutes after your dismissal time to look for them at lunch. Soon enough you found one of them, a taller guy with curly hair that you hadn't forgotten the name of, but he only said he hadn't seen JJ around. Which you would have believed if it wasn't for him pausing for a long moment and adding in one too many 'uh's that left you to believe he was lying.

Now you felt like shit. Here you were thinking you had made friends with this cute, funny guy who actually seemed to care about your work, but it seemed like he had ditched you after only talking for a day. And it was one thing to get ghosted, another to have his friends also seemingly lying about his whereabouts.

Safe to say you had spent the fourth day wallowing in your own self-pity as you continued working on the mural, still refusing to paint over his contribution.

The truth was that JJ was also wallowing in his own self-pity from not that far away.

A few feet away actually.

In the public library across the street.

As he pretended to read some history book he found on a random shelf.

While instead of reading he spent the entire time he was there just watching you paint from the window.

Man, he felt like such a creep spying at you from afar through the half-tinted library windows, but it was to make sure you were safe from the assholes who wouldn't know great talent even if it slapped them in the face.

The reason for all of this was that he did actually show up the day after you guys' first meeting. He even made it a point to show up extra early so he could admire what you had painted after he had left the day before and surprise you when you arrived. But this exact time ended being the same time some group of guys showed up just to tag the wall.

At first JJ walked directly up to them to kindly explain that the mural was actually the work of someone who put in a lot of time and effort into it, but then things got a bit heated when the guys continued to pull out cans of spray paint. Saying something about how they were getting back at the fancy restaurant stealing customers from family business on the other side of the island. They didn't care if it was actual art made by the same people they claim to be helping as long as it meant hurting the people with money too.

Long story short JJ ended up with a black eye and a busted lip, but it was all worth it to him because the guys decided they no longer cared about the wall. It was all worth it up until he spotted you turning the corner down the street and he realized he did not want you to see him all beat up and so he quickly went off down the other side of the block.

He couldn't let you see him looking like this on the second time you two ever saw each other. What if you took one look at him and just automatically assumed the worst? What if you just saw him as just another asshole who got into fights every other day just for the hell of it? Yes, he had gotten into many in the past like just now, but it was all because someone he cared about was going to get hurt otherwise.

Oh god now that he thought about it, in just one day you had become someone he cared about and now he was definitely not going to confront you with this information on day two of knowing each other. What if you thought that was way too forward and pushed him away?

Something in his mind told him you didn't seem like the person to just make assumptions and turn him away without any explanation. That even if you thought it was too weird, you would probably just kindly reject him. But the mere thought of that being a wrong assumption was too much to handle and so he just decided to avoid you completely.

He had to admit that the idea sounded pretty stupid, but he didn't know what else to do. He wasn't good with feelings stuff or new people. Maybe you didn't even have a good time the day before and didn't care he was there again this time.

And so JJ had his own routine he stuck to for the week. Diving into the nearest classroom when he saw you walking in his direction at school, even if that meant accidentally interrupting a class or two almost on a daily basis. Pleading again and again to his friends to not tell you where he was if you asked, even though they continued to tell him he was being over dramatic. That you'd most likely understand what happened. Going to the library across the street every day after school and then leaving once he saw that you had left.

This was the same routine he continued to repeat on the fifth day since you had met. After pretending to browse the library for the hundredth time he saw that you had left and began to make his way across the street to admire your work up close.

Unknowingly to him however was that you had made it just around the corner before realizing you left one of your paintbrushes on the sidewalk and turned back around to go get it. Good bigger brushes were expensive and hard to come by so there was no way you were just going to leave it there.

Once you turned back around the corner you couldn't believe you were staring at JJ just standing there in front of the wall. His messy hair was shielding you from seeing his face, but you could recognize him anywhere. He really did leave such an impression on you in just the hour or two you talked a few days ago.

"JJ?" You called out as you walked closer to him.

JJ just about jumped out of his skin when he heard your voice. He definitely thought you were long gone by now. Instinctively he turned towards you and then quickly turned back around so you couldn't see his face.

The next minute or two was you two practically spinning in circles as you tried to face him directly and he tried his damn best to make sure you didn't. Eventually you moved fast enough to get in front of him and saw the reason for his avoidance.

You couldn't help but gasp softly when you saw the half-healed bruise across his eye. "JJ what happened?" You instinctively began to reach for his face, but he softly blocked you with his hands.

"It's fine, I'm fine. I've had worse," He tried to fake a smile, but it faded as quickly as it appeared when he saw a new flash of worry come across your face. Shit why did he say that?

"I- bad wording, sorry." He added quickly. "I just mean it's fine, nothing I can't handle."

You shook your head slightly, not having it for his attempt at brushing this off. "JJ just tell me what happened."

He just stared into your eyes for a moment. Man were they pretty and also dangerous. He'd swear that he would have admitted to whatever you wanted him to if you kept looking at him like that.

Eventually he sighed, running his hand through his hair as he closed his eyes briefly and then opened them again when he decided to just tell you the truth.

JJ then explained what had happened with the taggers in a rollercoaster of emotions. One moment he'd pretend to reenact a moment dramatically before realizing that might worry you more, so he'd then cut the explanation short and brush it off as if it was nothing.

You would have laughed at his back and forth if it wasn't for the genuine worry that had overtaken you. As he explained the whole ordeal you couldn't help but feel bad that you had automatically assumed the worst of him. That his avoidance of you was all because he was just some asshole, when in reality it was really the complete opposite.

"You tried to take on four guys by yourself for me?" You questioned once he finished telling the story. He nodded, a thin smile on his face. "JJ that is incredibly stupid but also incredibly sweet in an odd way."

"I couldn't just let them ruin all your hard work." He shrugged it off as if it was something just anyone would do.

You couldn't help the smile that spread across your face, shaking your head in disbelief that anyone cared enough to literally fight for you.

"Just next time call for backup or something, so you don't get hurt again." You gestured to his bruised eye.

It was at this moment you yourself realized how much you began to care about him already. It seemed to just be incredibly easy and right to get attached to him so quickly. Though your moping around all week should have been your first sign to this.

"I'll try, but I make no promises." JJ flashed a stupid grin at you that even though you hadn't known him long you could just tell it was a signature move for him. You couldn't help but playfully shove at his shoulder, the both of you laughing.

"Alright now to make up for avoiding me for a week I must demand that you be here one o'clock sharp tomorrow to continue helping me get this painting done." You spoke in an exaggerated fake drill sergeant voice as you pointed to the half-finished mural.

JJ quickly responded in character, raising his hand up in a salute. It was clear as day that he was holding back a grin, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Aye, aye capt'n! Will do!"

You couldn't help but laugh more. "Pretty sure that's how you'd respond to a pirate not a commander."

"No, I'm pretty sure it can be both."

"Yeah, okay Maybank. Sure." You nodded, laughing.

You couldn't believe you made it a whole week without ever talking to him. Hell, you didn't know how you've gone your whole life without him in it. Come to think of it, you weren't sure if you've laughed this much just in the last month alone before you met him.

The one thing you did know, however, was that you were determined to have him stick around for the rest of it, whether he liked it or not. Though something in the way he looked at you made it not very hard to see that he definitely would like to.

[z0mbiekisses]

Another request QUEEN!! I loved loved loved the Josh fic it was amazing and has me coming back for more! First of all though, how are you? I realised we haven't talked much before lol. Anyways, my amazing spectacular request!!

RAB Tyler who is best friends/hiding his feelings with the reader. She's someone who works super hard, gets good grades and almost drives herself insane with all the extra curriculars she does yet still doesn't feel good enough. After having a stressful day she stops by his house feeling worthless and he comforts her, refusing to let her believe she's not amazing.

Thanks bestie!

AHHH THANK YOU BFF!!!🤗🤗 thank you so much for requesting more, you’re always welcomed i LOVE your ideas . i did kind of write this in a highschool setting 😣😣.

i’m okayy, very tiredd BUT we’ll push on through (hehe)💪 TYSM FOR ASKING, how are you??😁 it’s always nice to hear from you 🫶

thank you guys so much for ur recent support!! it means smmm, sorry this took so long and it’s short, i have some more things in the drafts that hopefully make up for it 🫶 requests are opened !!🩶

THIS IS ME TRYING !

i always did my best. in school, life, everything. i needed to get into college, i NEEDED to get out of my house. however, college isn’t cheap. and i don’t exactly have the best support system, so it’s up to me. i’m in film club, national honors society and student council. i spend whatever free time studying or at my best friend, tyler’s house. it’s overwhelming, but i didn’t have many options. if i wanted to get into a good school and start living my life the way I want to, this had to be done. but today was rough, i spent all of last night finishing my college essay just to go to school bright and early the next day. i was so exhausted, but what else was new. except i had a test in my first two classes, a presentation for national honors society. and i had to stay late for a student council meeting.

i was used to the stress, however today was just awful. every little thing that could go wrong went wrong. i was late to school because my car broke down, which meant i missed taking the test. i tried to beg my teacher to still let me take it but he only said he'll think about letting me make it up. i NEEDED to take this test, it was a huge part of my grade. it wasn't fair. i gave my presentation for NHS, which went fine. except everyone's presentations were WAY better than mine was. it was obvious the amount of effort and time they spent on it, sure i put effort into mines. i was just missing the time, since i stayed up all night wednesday putting it together. i felt like an idiot. i sat alone at lunch, i only shared my lunch period with one of my friends. but she was busy hanging with her boyfriend. i ended up skipping and just spending the time volunteering at the library. the more hours the better. the day seemed to drag on, especially since i had to stay later. like most if not all the other kids who did student council, we were only doing it for our college applications. i didn't get along well with the other kids. not in the way where we would fight or anything. they were all just so pretentious and snobby. they would always undermind me, as if i could never be an intellectual individual like them. i spent the whole 4 hours i had to stay there wanting to stick my face in a hot pan of oil. when it was all FINALLY over, i sat in my car for a minute. i felt so.. worthless. everything i did didn't feel like enough, maybe it wasn't enough. what's the point of doing all these things if i wasn't even good at any of it? it wasn't long before tears filled my eyes. but i watched as the other kids from student council walked over to their fancy cars. and i realized the last thing i needed was for them to see me crying in car that probably should've been in a junkyard AGES ago. i didn't want to go home, my parents would only make me feel worse. i called tyler and asked if i could come over. he said yes and with that i drove over to his house in silence. my thoughts racing through my head were the only things i could hear. i will never be good enough. for anyone, for anything. what is the point in even trying?

eventually i knocked on tyler's door. to which he answered with a smile. it was a struggle for me to return one back. i didn't say anything at first, tyler was telling me about some story about him and josh. i couldn't focus though, my head was spinning. tyler noticed, he reached out and touched my shoulder lightly. "what's going on y/n?", tyler spoke softly. i tried to shrug it off, but tyler was more stubborn than i was.

"i know you're not okay, what's up?", tyler looked over at me softly. i wanted to tell him not to worry about it. my problems were stupid anyways. but i knew tyler wasn't one to let these kind of things go.

"what is the point of trying if i'll never be good enough.."

"trying to do what?"

"everything.", i let out a sigh.

"all i do is try, try, try. and yet i always fall short every single time i mean- it's exhausting.", as much as i tried to fight it tears fell from my eyes.

"i'm not good enough i-"

"y/n please.", tyler reached out and held my hand.

"you are more than amazing. you are the most hard working, driven person i know."

"you have to say that-"

"i mean it.", my cloudy eyes met tyler's brown ones.

"i think you're more than enough, you have such amazing things ahead of you. and that's all because of your dedication. i'm so proud of you.", i practically fell into tyler's arms. he rubbed my back as he spoke over my muffled sobs.

"you're so perfect to me y/n, i admire you.", those word silenced the negative thoughts pounding in my head. tyler's arms made me feel safe. i finally felt okay. i always knew tyler had a way with words thanks to his music. but this was so much better than that. i finally felt like i was enough.

“look at me y/n.”, i hesitated for a moment before i lifted my head up. this was the closest we’ve ever been, our inches only inches away from each other.

“i think you’re so lovely.”, my cheeks flushed a little bit. tyler’s compliment making my heart skip a beat.

“as long as you think so.”

[pepperonijem]

vi. silly things & sensible people || all my love

"Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way." - Emma; Jane Austen

Summary: sometimes all anyone needs is a gentle nudge in the right direction Pairing: high school!bucky x f!reader Warnings: food mentions Word Count: 3.1k A/N: we all need a friend like wanda <3 || sorry for the delay! I had a job interview this week that I spent all weekend prepping for... i passed! (i'm moving to korea this summer lol)

previous chapter || back to library || next chapter

Wanda opened her notes app and started a new note, titling it with the date and began her weekly letter to her pen pal, wanting to update them on her life... or mostly her best friend's life.

You will NEVER guess what’s been happening this semester. Did you guess? Well whatever you guessed is probably wrong… unless you guessed that my best friend just confessed to her crush without TELLING me about it first. 

It was absolutely insane, I was getting out of class and on my way to find her and Steve for lunch when I saw a HUGE crowd by Steve’s class and right at the center of it all was Bucky Barnes and the only girl crazy enough to give him a handwritten note in the middle of passing period. I only saw the end of it, but it was… brutal. I’ve known Bucky long enough to know he isn’t the friendliest person out there but even for him… it made me so upset. He didn’t even take her card, can you believe it? 

Honestly, this whole time I didn’t realize she actually liked him enough to confess to him. I always thought it was a passing crush, but I guess I was wrong. She was pretty badass for that. But obviously Steve didn’t think so. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so dejected. I wonder if he’ll ever work himself up to do the same thing.

OH. But the craziest part is that a week after she confessed to him, she ended up moving into his house. Turns out her dad and Bucky’s dad were college besties. Isn’t that insane? It’s just like this anime Natasha made me watch with her once. We were in tears the whole time but uh, that’s a story for another day. Or a story for never. She swore me to secrecy after that night.

We actually didn’t realize that she had moved in with him until after the big exam we took when Bucky stormed in and she handed him a picture of the two of them asleep together at the dining table. 

Then that night, she ended up spraining her ankle and Bucky had to take her home so he didn’t get to go to IHOP with us. Sad for him, that was a fun night. Not for Steve… again. By the end of the night he was crying to Sam’s rendition of an ABBA song and chugging down strawberry milkshakes. He’s lactose intolerant and he slept over at my house that night. So… not much fun for me either. I–

“Wanda, get off your damn phone and help us move the couch.” Wanda looked up from her notes app to see Natasha, Tony and Scott waiting for her to grab onto the fourth corner of the loveseat.

“Sorry, sorry,” Wanda apologized before rushing to help them move the couch to the opposite end of the room. “Why are we doing this again?”

Natasha let out a grunt as they dropped the couch ungracefully onto the floor. “Scott thought it would be cool to have a pillow fort.”

“We’re doing this for a pillow fort?” Tony asked in shock. “I thought Scott’s mom just wanted us to redecorate.”

“Tony, why would his mom want both of the couches facing the walls on opposite ends of the room?” Natasha asked with a roll of her eyes. Tony shrugged his shoulders and plopped himself down on the couch. 

Natasha dropped down beside him with a sigh. “When is everyone else gonna get here?” she asked.

“Well Steve had to pick up Sam, but he should be here soon.” Wanda looked down at her watch at the time to compare it against the ETA Steve had sent earlier.

Tony checked his phone as he leaned over the back of one couch. “Rhodey just texted. He just parked outside.”

“What about Bucky?” Scott asked. 

Natasha shrugged as the doorbell rang and Wanda went to answer it, letting Rhodey in. “Sorry, I had to pick up the kid,” Peter walked into the kitchen with a proud grin as Rhodey rolled his eyes.

“Yeah but we brought food,” Peter exclaimed as he placed a brown paper bag on the kitchen counter. 

“You brought your Chipotle,” Rhodey clarified as he walked to the fridge to grab himself a bottle of water. 

Scott laughed and shook his head as he took the bag and handed it to Rhodey to stick in the fridge. “Did you guys happen to get Bucky too?” 

Rhodey shook his head in response. “I offered him a ride, but he said he had plans.”

“Plans?” Scott echoed. “We are his plans. He’s never missed a board game night.” Wanda could hear the pout in his voice. 

“He didn’t give me any details but I think it has to do with his roomie.” Rhodey commented, checking through his text messages to see if he left any details out. “He said he’ll be busy all day.”

“His roomie, huh?” Tony repeated with a raised eyebrow. “Have you guys noticed he’s been weird lately?”

“Yeah,” Natasha replied. “Last week I asked him if he liked her–”

Before Natasha could continue, Tony walked toward the group gathered by the island, eager to join the gossip. “Yes!” He exclaimed. “Bucky always sends these weird memes that no one gets exam days, but last week, we had a literature exam and guess what?”

“What?” Rhodey asked flatly. Natasha nudged him in response, reminding him to be polite.

“He didn’t send anything,” Tony noted. “When I asked him what happened, he told me he was up the night before studying… but Bucky never studies for literature exams because he’s a nerd who already read the books.”

Before anyone could say anything else, the doorbell rang and in came Steve and Sam. “Hey,” Sam greeted. “What did we miss? We bought drinks.”

Wanda looked over at Natasha as Steve walked in, silently begging her not to finish her sentence from earlier around Steve. Natasha gave her a subtle nod as she attempted to shift the attention to the newcomers.

“Where’s the rest?” Natasha asked as Sam set down his drink on the counter while Steve found a spot beside Wanda.

“Oh,” Sam replied. “I meant we stopped over to buy ourselves drinks from Starbucks. That’s why we’re late.”

“Remind me to start being more specific when I tell  you guys to bring things,” Scott replied with a chuckle, shaking his head. “Anyway, what else were you saying, Tony?”

Tony thought for a second, remembering his train of thought. “Right, so I did some more investigating,” he continued. “And when we were getting into groups for our Shakespeare analysis – I swear I’ve never seen him move this fast, not even at a football game – I saw him join his roomie’s group. He even smiled when she waved at him. I’ve never seen him smile at anyone.” 

“He’s not exaggerating,” Natasha confirmed with an eager nod of her head. “I didn’t even realize they were friends, but it seems like lately they’ve been besties or something. Isn’t she supposed to be your best friend, Steve?”

Steve put his hands up in defense before speaking, his voice just a little too loud and too high to sound calm and collected. “She can do whatever she wants,” he said. 

Although the other boys couldn’t tell, Wanda knew Steve didn’t fully believe the spite in his own words. So coming to her friend’s defense, she joined in. “Yeah, but isn’t Bucky yours?” She asked Natasha, turning the question back to her.

“Chill out,” Natasha shrugged her shoulders. “I was just curious to see if you guys knew anything else.”

“We don’t,” Steve said flatly. “Are we going to play or what?” Natasha and Wanda shared a look, realizing that Steve was feeling a lot more than he was willing to let on, so they accepted his change of subject. The others rushed into the living room as Wanda and Steve stayed behind.

Wanda watched as Steve leaned against the counter, pushing his forehead into his palms as he let out a sigh. Wanda stood beside him facing the opposite way, her elbows leaning against the countertop. Her heart felt heavy at the sight of her distraught best friend.

“Steve,” Wanda began gently but firmly. Steve shook his head, already knowing where this conversation was headed. “Salad. Now.”

Steve let out another sigh, running a hand through his golden hair, and Wanda wasn’t sure if he would answer her, but after a beat, he finally lifted his head. “Lettuce… I’m sad. Chicken… I’m mad. Mostly at myself,” he confessed.

“Why?” Wanda asked quietly.

“For never being brave enough to say anything,” He admitted to Wanda, hanging his head. “It’s just… we have something so good and I didn’t want to lose that. But sometimes…” he trailed off.

“Sometimes what?” Wanda pushed.

“It’s just,” Steve sighed. “Do you remember that time in the eighth grade when the three of us got in that huge fight?”

Wanda let out a dry laugh. “The one where you thought the two of us were dating behind your back because we went to a movie together?”

Steve grew a small but sad smile. “Not just any movie,” he clarified. “You watched The Hunger Games without me. It was my favorite book.”

Wanda nudged him playfully. “Steve, you had the flu,” she reminded him. “We wanted to take you but your mom said if she found out you snuck out and we got the flu from you she would stop making us that sponge cake we like. That would’ve been the end of our 14-year old lives.”

Steve let out a chuckle as he nodded at the memory. “I know,” he continued. “But for a week after that, I felt so left out. Like suddenly you were her best friend and she was yours, and I was the odd one out.”

“Is that why you ghosted us for a whole month?” Wanda asked, eyes wide with surprise as Steve nodded in shame. 

“It was dumb, I know,” he cringed at the memories of that time. “But I think I was jealous. Of you.” 

Wanda snorted a laugh at his comment. “Of me? Oh buddy,” she laughed as she pat Steve on the shoulder.

“I know, I know,” Steve ran his hand through his hair again. “But anyway, I think that’s kind of how I feel right now. Like she’s everything to me… but I’m not to her. And it’s not like she owes me anything… I think I just keep thinking, what could I have done differently?”

Wanda thought through her next words carefully, letting silence rest between the two of them. Well, silence was relative. The others were in the next room arguing about whether or not it was fair to let Peter choose to be Colonel Mustard when he doesn’t know how to play Clue.

 “I can’t say I know what you’re feeling,” Wanda began. “But for me, I think that when I start focusing on things like that, my mind gets stormy. I stop seeing things clearly, and I start doubting myself and the way I fit into my friendships. But then you two always remind me that’s not real. What is real is that I would give everything for the two of you, and if I needed it, both of you would do the same for me. It’s one of the most stable truths of the universe. 

At the same time, I also know that both of you would want me to be happy, and to choose what makes me happy. The same thing I would do for you. And I will always help you to figure out what that is when you can’t see it, like you do for me. When I remember that, the skies clear a little, and I see the sunshine again. I see you guys.”

Wanda turned to Steve, who wiped at a tear forming in the corner of his eye. She gave him a gentle pat on the back and turned to leave him to his own thoughts for a bit. 

Honestly, she was a bit surprised at her own wisdom. She wasn’t usually the friend people came to for advice, but maybe they should start, she thought. She hoped her words got through to Steve, as seeing her best friend hurting was weighing heavily on her as well. She was, however, very excited to tell her pen pal about this situation.

After she made her way into the living room, Natasha moved to sit beside her on the couch, now turned to face the television. “Is he okay?” she asked, nodding towards the kitchen where Steve still stood by himself.

“Yeah, he’s just raiding the leftovers,” Wanda joked. She was lying, but she felt that Steve wouldn’t want to explain to everyone else what had him so emotional.

Natasha nodded, not fully believing her words, but accepting them nonetheless. “Do you wanna play the next round?” She asked instead. 

“Nah,” Wanda pulled out her phone. “I have to work on my letter.”

“Oh to your pen pal right?” Natasha asked. “I can’t believe you’ve been writing to each other since middle school. Why don’t you just ask for his number?” She attempted to look over Wanda’s hands to see what she was writing down.

“Yeah, ask for his number and invite her to the winter formal,” Sam chimed in. “Unless he’s catfishing you.” The group laughed and Wanda laughed along.

“Yeah, yeah,” she rolled her eyes and continued typing in her note from earlier, updating her letter with the most recent events. However she didn’t get very far before she got a call from Bucky. “Bucky’s calling me?” She asked aloud in surprise.

“Answer him!” They all called in unison, as they looked away from the game to flock towards Wanda, even Steve, who walked in from the kitchen. Wanda looked over to him and he responded with a small smile and a nod, encouraging her to answer the phone.

“Wanda,” Bucky’s voice filled the room from Wanda’s phone speaker. “I need your help.” The group gathered around Wanda all looked at her with wide eyes as they tried to contain their curiosity. However it was Scott who couldn’t hide his gasp, even as Sam slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Hey guys,” Bucky sighed. “Sorry I couldn’t make it but I really need to borrow Wanda for a second.” 

Wanda chuckled as she watched the group disperse with disappointed looks and resume playing their game. She walked back over to the kitchen, and Steve headed for the living room to give her privacy. 

“What’s up Buck?” Wanda asked when she was finally alone.

“Uh,” Bucky sounded like he was thinking about what to say. “How do you feel about a road trip?” 

Wanda couldn’t hide her surprise at the question. “Road trip?” She repeated.

“I can give you the details later,” Bucky said. “But just tell me you’ll come with me.”

“When?” Wanda questioned. “And why me?” 

“Tonight. Right now even,” He sounded panicked and Wanda was beginning to feel the same. “I called you because Natasha already said no.” As if on cue, Natasha had popped her head into the kitchen and Wanda waved her over. 

“Nat,” Wanda began. “Why the hell is Bucky asking me to go on a road trip with him right now?”

Natasha let out a chuckle. “Just hear the poor boy out,” she suggested as Wanda looked at her suspiciously.

“I need to pick up your friend’s dad,” Bucky explained. “Long story short, she was upset he couldn’t make it to the awards, so I reached out to him and basically now he agreed to be here for one night, and his flight is landing soon and the airport is over an hour away and I don’t want to drive alone, but I can’t bring her with me because it’s a surprise and –”

“Woah,” Wanda stopped his rambling with a chuckle. “Long story long, more like.” She looked back at Natasha who raised her eyebrow as if to say See now? Wanda nodded back to her as she let out a hum of thought before an idea popped in her head.

“I’ll come,” Wanda said with a mischievous smile that was hidden by her gentle voice. Bucky let out a sigh of relief, and Wanda could hear his shoulders relax. “But you have to come pick me up from Scott’s house, since I left my car at home.”

“Sure, yeah,” Bucky agreed desperately to her condition. “Thank you so much.”

Twenty minutes later, when the doorbell rang, Wanda almost felt guilty for what she was about to do. But when she thought about it some more, she reminded himself of what she told Bucky just earlier, and her conscience clears just in time for her to open the door to see a panicked Bucky, dressed in sweatpants, a hoodie, and mismatched socks.

Someone will thank me later, she thinks to herself as she pretends to double over in pain. “Wanda?” Bucky asked in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I ate someone’s leftovers,” she pretended to let out a grunt of pain. “And it’s really not agreeing with me,” she cursed under her breath. “I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I can come with you.” She apologized.

“No, no,” Bucky dismissed her. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He walked in and shut the door, leading Wanda to sit down at the dining table as Natasha walked over with a medicine tablet and a glass of water. 

“Here,” she handed them to Wanda. “Don’t worry Bucky, we’ll find someone to fill in.” Before Bucky could protest, Natasha had walked to the living room and came back with a confused and annoyed looking Steve.

“Steve said he’d be glad to go with you,” Natasha beamed. He very much did not look like he was glad to go with Bucky.

“Uh…” Steve began before Natasha nudged him from behind. “Yep, yeah, I’d be happy to… sit in a car with you for an hour and a half… to pick up my best friend’s dad…”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but after looking down to see the time, his eyes widened in worry. “Okay, perfect,” he said instead. “Let’s go before we’re late. Bye you guys, tell the guys I said hey.” and he grabbed Steve’s wrist and headed out the door.

Wanda and Natasha followed behind them, Wanda now forgetting about her act and leaning against the post on the front steps.

“Do you think they’ll hate us?” Wanda asked Natasha as they watched the two boys get into Bucky’s car from the front porch.

“Oh absolutely. For a month at least.”

[purplesurveys]

1842

Where did the majority of your clothes come from? Not one single place. I like getting clothes from a variety of shops and I'm not picky with where I buy them.

Have you ever attempted to sculpt something from ice? I've never done that, but that sounds like an interesting class to take now that I think about it.

What's so amazing about Shark Week? I never learned what that is actually.

Do you wear sunglasses in the winter? You should. We don't have winter, and sunglasses and I don't make a good pair (hehe) because then I have to take off my glasses and I wouldn't be able to see anything anyway.

Have you ever had to wear an oxygen mask? No, never had to.

Do you have a dreamcatcher? I do.

Is there someone you ALWAYS bump heads with? No. I hate conflict and try to go about disagreements in a calm way.

What's your favorite thing you own that YOU made? I don't think there is anything.

Have you ever starved yourself? Yeah...

What do you spend all of your money on? Mostly on food, if I do spend; but I'm sure once BTS is back I'll be spending on K-pop again lol. I'm happy with my little hiatus for now.

Do you like Robot Chicken? I don't know what that is.

What movie character would you like to be a part of your family? Not a movie, but Clunkers the dog from Friends haha. And the dog that Phoebe got Joey when he got all sad over Rachel.

What's the last thing you were an audience of? Seventeen concert last January.

Has anyone ever had to physically restrain you from doing something? Sure.

Do you raise your voice when you get angry? No. I only do when I'm angry and feel like I'm getting interrupted or talked over.

Do you like the pretzel M&Ms? I've never tried them but they sound kinda delicious.

Have you ever been accused of thinking you're too good for something? Well I don't think I'm a master of anything, so.

Do your scars tell sad or happy stories? My one notable scar is just an annoying story of a distant cousin who didn't know how to behave around people and was not supervised properly by his parents.

Have you ever walked straight into a wall/door? I don't think I have haha.

Have you ever been embarrassed to have a crush on someone? Little bit.

Is there anything you're trying to move on from? Continued from a few days ago idk how long. Just the whole craziness of how Wrestlemania 40's been, although it's safe to assume I won't be able to for a while haha.

Have you ever stolen someone's boyfriend? Nope.

Are you careful with your words? As much as possible.

Do you have a locket? What's the picture inside of it? Nope.

Describe the most interesting vehicle you've ever seen. Nothing comes to mind right now...

Would you be afraid to take a public bus anywhere? Have never taken a bus besides the private buses we'd have for like school field trips or whatever lol. Just seems too dangerous to me plus I'll never know if I'm sitting beside a pervert man.

Have you ever given anything to someone who is homeless? Before I used to give change and snacks, but for safety reasons I've stopped.

What are you feeling, right now? Elated from Wrestlemania weekend, happy that we have two holiday weekdays this week so I don't get to go back to work til Thursday.

How do you react when you feel embarrassed about something? I guess it depends what kind of embarrassed it is? There's the light-hearted kind in which I just laugh it off, then there's like a checking-on-someone's-grandma-not-knowing-she-died embarrassed that makes me want to quit socializing.

Have you ever tried to 'fix' someone? Yes.

What's in your copy and paste? A link to a wrestling streaming site. 

How many stuffed animals do you own, and what are they? I have lke 5 BT21 plushies, some of Tata and others of Koya.

When's the last time you were carried by someone? Three weeks ago when we had our company outing, and I was the one who led our dodgeball team to victory lol. All those lunch periods in third grade spent playing dodgeball were finally ROI'd haha

Have you ever accidentally taken a shower with like your underwear left on, or something? Not my underwear but I've turned on the shower with my glasses on, heh.

Can you twirl things well? Like, just noodles I guess? I don't really...twirl things on a regular basis.

Do you have bangs? I had them like a week before the pandemic kicked in so no one ever really saw them lol. I got rid of them halfway through 2021 and it was still pandemic-y at the time, so at the end of the day no one ever really saw me in bangs. I'm still a little peeved about it HAHA

Have you ever seen someone who wore a real eyepatch? I knew a kid in school who did. She was also one of my sister's close friends.

What started the last 'cat-fight' you were involved in? I've never been in a catfight.

Would you agree that it's extremely disrespectful to 'test' someone in a relationship? I wouldn't call it disrespectful but I do find it a waste of time. Just address things head-on; communicate.

Do you go all out on dressing up for pep-rallies and the like? I never attended pep rallies when I was in college.

What's in your locker? I haven't had a locker since 2016.

Are you in possession of any currency that isn't used in your country? I have a Korean won bill that Angela got me a few years ago; I also have a handful of Thai baht coins left.

Did anyone witness your last kiss? Doubt it.

Do you remember Hamtaro? No.

What about Peewee Hermin? Yeah I know Peewee. He was associated with WWE for a time and afaik one of my fav wrestlers used to be obsessed with him haha.

Do you have any younger siblings? I have two.

Are you cool with them, or do they annoy you to no end? My sister and I are close.

Do you know anyone with a kind of creepy smile? Eh, no.

Anyone with Bieber Fever? Sure! I know a few who grew up with JB and still have a soft spot for their Bieber fevers. I find it generally endearing how people my age have been rediscovering our old interests, just now in a much more unashamed light :)

Have you tried Cupcake Pebbles cereal? I don't think so.

What's your favorite ride at an amusement park? Whatever that's not a rollercoaster or those rides that shoot all the way down at like 500 kph lmao. Basically anything that takes it easy on my sensitive motion sickness.

Last person you flipped off? Idk probably a driver.

Have you ever been on TV? No. I've been behind the camera during live news programs though.

Are you currently distancing yourself from anyone? Yes.

Trying to get close to anyone? Nope.

Anyone who's way over protective of you? My parents have considerably toned down but they are still a bit protective.

Do you like dubstep? It's okay.

Have you ever been to a rave? Yes.

Have you any friends that are twins? No.

[karizard-ao3]

I love how much effort you put into researching for each of your fics. You have talked a little about this before, but could you share some fun facts about your fic researching?

Sure! Let's see...

So I mentioned the ketchup research, but for the Lady's Liaison I spent more time looking up Regency facts than I did creative writing. For instance, I was originally going to have them run for the coast in a private carriage the whole way, but then I was like, "No, I'd better check." So I spent probably an hour or more reading up on Regency modes of travel, and then also to see whether there would be possible boat routes to get to Scotland, because I wanted it to be plausible for Jean to believe that they might sail there instead of going over land. I also looked up Regency outerwear and undergarments to ensure that they were undressing each other in the most historically accurate way possible.

For Little Mice, besides reading the book on the topic, I searched old newspaper articles on the Boston Molasses flood, read up on racism against Asians (and Italians) during the early 20th century, miscegenation laws, Italian anarchists, typical courtship and honeymoon traditions, etc. I also found a website with a transcript of an old document by a social worker of the period going over what a typical Italian immigrant family ate in a day. For that little bit at the end when Eren and Mikasa are talking about what to get at the lunch counter, I looked up old restaurant menus of the time period to see what kinds of meals they could order.

For my cabin fic that I don't like to talk about I watched several videos about traditional salt production.

For Clueless Teens I watched several videos about how to use a Ouija board to commune with spirits and did some reading on runes and rune magic (although I forgot most of what I learned).

For Anamnesis... Oh boy. I was looking up how to destroy DNA evidence, what kind of bullets could cause the kind of injuries I was picturing for the characters who got shot (it's hollow points. If you want the bullet to be doing significant, explosive damage, you want a hollow point or one of those illegal butterfly bullets). I also looked up the statute of limitations for different crimes, whether you could survive a slit throat, what kinds of injuries would necessitate stitches (to make sure it was reasonable for Mikasa to have gotten stitches on her hands without having any significant damage to her muscles that would require PT), different kinds of scarring, gubernatorial term limits... I tried reading up on quantum theory but the scientific articles I found were all a bit over my head, so I figured I'd just have to go on vibes for that one. I've read plenty of fiction books featuring quantum universes so I was just like, "I won't stray too far from the typical rules and won't get into the theory. I should be fine."

Let's see if I can think of any other research I've done. I don't know, I am often popping over to google to look something up when I write, so it just kind of blends together. I've been looking up developmental milestones a lot for the single parents au to make sure what I'm describing is accurate, such as Eren's daughter being bad at jumping and how many words she should use in sentence lol. Of course, some of that info is based on my own parenting experiences, but it's been a while since my kid was 3.

I'm not sure those are fun facts, actually. So, here we go:

Historically, there are multiple types of ketchup. Mushroom, walnut, tomato, anchovy (I believe), and sometimes you can still find the lesser known versions. In the Philippines (?) they have, I want to say, banana ketchup. It was originally a fermented fish sauce from China and ketchup or catsup is the anglicized version of the original name (which I cannot remember). Ketchup was a popular condiment in Regency England.

You can "make" your own salt by collecting sea water and boiling it in a pot until all the water is gone, leaving just the sediment behind.

Keloid scars are not the only type of protruding scars. Hypertrophic scars also heal incorrectly so that they kind of bubble from the skin, however unlike with keloids these scars are soft, typically fade from pink to blend in better with your skin, and often will flatten out somewhat over time. Some people are gentically disposed towards keloid scarring and I want to say it is more common on certain parts of the body but I can't remember what exactly those parts are.

In the late 1800s and the early 1900s, the newer, Western states were the ones that had laws against interracial marriage because they included them when they took on statehood. In the East, despite being equally racist, they did not tend to have laws against interracial marriage because the original state founders did not anticipate it would become a "problem". I just find that interesting, since the West Coast is supposed to be so liberal, but look at how they started.

There are only three Japantowns left in the US and they are all located in California.

Regency men's shirts did not have buttons all the way down. They were more like tunics, so a solid panel over the belly and then perhaps buttons at the top over the chest. I can't entirely remember, but I know because of it I nixed a scene I'd been thinking of where Mikasa rips Eren's shirt off and the buttons fly everywhere, then later we see her sewing them back on lol.

[smalife1234]

What made me smile this week?

Monday, 11/18/24 - today we're supposed to go to school but we're so worn out and I was exhausted from chemo we decided to take a day off we did this to be energized for the next four days and honestly just to have a break, we did enjoy our day off and we did hangout for the majority of the day we laughed and played pokemon games and then we kept having fun recreating audios or just making faces with the audios me and luz did that perfectly lol! We mainly had a blast, but sadly, we did have to do dishes because Dad wanted to make dinner, but that means that we don't have to do them on Tuesday! Which is normally our day! But we did have a great day, and it was a well-deserved day off. We'll be going to school tomorrow! But we did enjoy this day and it definitely made me smile!

Tuesday, 11/19/24 - today, we go back to school, and in the first period, I had to work on all the questions of the online assignment since last Friday, I spent the whole class working on the pulmonary function test lab, lol. Still, they were pretty easy. We just had to give detailed answers, so it took me an entire hour and more to complete all of those questions. Then, in the second period, we had a huge test! It had 31 questions and I spent maybe 30 minutes on the test probably even more but I do not know what grade I got because it didn't tell us I just realized I failed lol, but I got through with that and started working on my course reflection summary paper as that's due today at midnight, I got it done for the most part I just need to edit it and re-read it over and over lol, shortly after we headed to lunch where I had saw that there was a sign saying were temporarily out of lettuce meaning no salad but there were wraps and I thought why not give it a try so I did and there was my favorite ranch there “caesar dressing” and I ordered what I would normally on the salad but instead in a wrap and I ate it and it was actually really good! I liked how much chicken and toppings there were in the wrap, but it was extremely messy, lol! But I did enjoy it and it did fill me right up! Then in the third period, we watched the last 15-minute video we had watched on Monday while I was out and it was pretty interesting then we talked about fingerprints for a few and continued to another lab we had to do fingerprints and put hot glue and then water on one side of a petri dish (don't know what that was about?) but then we had to analyze the fingerprints of our classmates and see what fingerprint sample there's matched to, so we did that and it took the rest of the class and were still not done so that will definitely lead into Thursday lol, but then in the fourth period we had talked about toxic friendships and then watched a TED talk video and had a sheet to answer the questions and then we shortly moved on to another assignment which was based on more questions paired with an article. And then we got home, where unexpectedly I started my period, which is weird cause I thought I would've gotten it on the 24th. My body is weird like that, and yes, I chart this because I got to an endocrinologist, and I just find this easier. Then we played on Subway Surfers and Pokemon TGC Pocket and then we enjoyed some yummy Alfredo or at least Willam Donny and Sydney did later that night :) Today has made me smile!

Wednesday, 11/20/24 - today we woke up and I had just gotten dressed and chilled on Instagram for a few until we had to leave for the bus we had an unexpected rain shower that morning so we had to grab an umbrella quickly and it sucked lol we soon got on the bus and had to put the wet umbrella on the bus floor or hold it directly over the floor, then in the first period I had reviewed over some youtube descriptions to see if they needed shaping up then we had to start an assignment that required six sheets of papers for the different client clearance forms I guess ol just for PLTW and so as of currently Im updating weekly smiles off of my computer and then I, ll get started so to chart I got started at 9:06 AM now its 9:57 and I've gotten every paper done! Wow, I work fast, but now I just need to work on the questions, which might take a bit, but they are due Monday, so no worries! In the second period, I got a yummy chocolate oatmeal cookie and we began a worksheet and a puzzle, then the teacher started talking about crazy police reports she, 's been writing for 25 years, she talked about one where a husband and wife were playing around and then he took her 50$ bra and fried in a frying pan with chicken lol it was crazy and now we're just working and I continue to update weekly smiles then I done the ed puzzle and got a 56 since I was so confused lol and then I had watched a mole conversions video, now I have been working on completing very old notes from September and October roll and I started around 11:07 and worked all the way until 11:39 lol but I've made great progress and so far iv,e gotten to the seventh of October! During this period we had worked on the rest of our fingerprinting activity and I got that finished then I finished the two sets of notes required and surprisingly this is the most chill day in her class lol since for the past 30 minutes I got to chill then in fourth period we had talked over our 2.00 summary discussion paper and then we soon worked on as assignment where we had to create a fake scenario while drawing out the texts and then the good friend responding on the other side, we did another assignment that contained 11 questions, shortly after we left school and then we came home and we just had a fun time hanging out! And now we are chilling, editing, and playing video games lol, even though I should really be editing lol! But I eventually filmed my little heart out in two videos in one night! That's a lot of work for me, and so I edited them until 10:45 Pmm. And they are both ready to go. Please look out for those videos. Come both on Thursday!

Thursday, 11/21/24 - Hey everyone today is my wife's amazing anniversary! She has hit 9 months as a quadriplegic. I couldn't be more proud and amazed by her. I love you, baba! Moving on from the wonderful achievement I am on my 61st round of chemotherapy! And my video and my wife's video are coming out today! My wife is coming out at 7:00 Am, I believe, and mine is coming out at 3:15 P.m.! So please enjoy! Now, in the first period, I began working on 3.1.7, cleared to climb, and then sent photos to Donny, and now I am updating weekly smiles so far. I started the assignment at 8:20, and I'll update you all when I am done, lol! Now I'm finally done at 9:34! And now it's time to work on my chemistry paper, lol, and now I'm finished, so I've done a lot of work in one class, and now I'll try and update the descriptions for today's videos!

Friday, 11/22/24 - today I missed school because I had a random bout of diarrhea a headache, and a sore throat so I just enjoyed my day the best I could I sat and battled on Pokemon TGC, and then shortly after I had just watched things on my computer and then we filmed Lu,z story and how she transfers in and out of her wheelchair and we provided a way more in-depth video soon hours later Willam and Donny came home from school and told me about there day after that they hadgivene me a yummy chair coated in chocolate, and then we just enjoyed the rest of the night before the weekends! Today made me smile!

Saturday, 11/23/24 - today is the weekend! I woke up pretty late but we had just chilled in our blankets for a few and then we watched Instagram most of the time, shortly after we had noticed Ember our cousin was over at our house doing crafts for her fundraiser and then we got some yummy dunkin donuts and a drink from mom and then we done a video for her fundraiser just a short three-minute video and then we hanged out for a few and then we got McDonald's we got a big mack and fries and a dr pepper! It was good, and we enjoyed the meal. Then we just had a fun time playing with Snapchat filters and had a great time hanging out. We had done a swap wheelchair challenge for a day, and it had been pretty chill, lol. We had a fun time hanging out most of the day! Today was chill and it made me smile!

Sunday, 11/24/24 - today is our 1st wedding anniversary! We have officially been married for 1 year! And I wouldn't choose to spend this day with anyone else! I love you, Emmie. For our 1 year, we had woken up, and we just hung out, and then we posted several edits on our Instagram pages! Please check those out! Then we hung out for a while and then we heard our mom cussing and yelling because of a battery that went missing and now we are again sitting on our wedding anniversary with something going wrong don't get me wrong I love my wife and I'm happy it's our 1st wedding anniversary BUT I would much rather have a calm nice day with friends and my wife rather than anticipating when our moms next screaming episode are you know? And we're editing and hopefully that goes well! And we'll just cut to the chase! We had a good day. We enjoyed the rest of our afternoon, and it did make us smile! I love you baba 💓 Happy 1 year to us! Now the most important Question?!

What made you smile this week?

Img desc #1: Emmie is seen in a grey short-sleeved shirt while smiling near a white clock door and white wall. She is seen giving off a big smile!

Img desc #2: doc is seen on Doc and Emmies date night she is seen smiling while in a beige-colored long-sleeved sweater.

Img desc #3: doc is seen smiling with a group of people. While smiling, she is wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and beige-colored sweatpants.

Img desc #4: Emmie, seen with a group of people, smiling while wearing a black long-sleeved hoodie and black sunglasses 🕶️.

Img desc #5: a beautiful sunset is shown near Doc's house.

Img desc #6: a black plate is shown with an empty packet of Cesar dressing and Cesar dressing in the packet is seen spread across the plate and a few bits of bread from the wrap.

[stevishabitat]

***

People were definitely getting weird in the notes so I'm going to make my own post.

I vividly remember a period in 2007-2008 when I was deep into hand pies. Basically any type of food that involved savory fillings inside pastry. So like, calzones, pasties, samosas, pierogis, dumplings, gyoza, turnovers, forfar bridie, knishes, stromboli, strudels, arepas, pupusas, Jamaican patties, empanadas, even hot pockets & pizza rolls, lol.

I spent days researching the history of these things in different cultures. I wrote dozens of blog posts. I went to the library. I went to international grocery stores to get different types of pastries. I watched hours of videos online. I cooked. So much. I made the worst pastries known to mankind.

My spouse got tired of it. My family didn't want to hear about it anymore. My coworkers stopped asking about what I'd brought for lunch because I would give them the whole history of the thing I'd made. During work, I was drafting blog posts and writing research plans and ideas on post-it notes so I wouldn't forget before I got home.

It was.... One of the most bonkers hyper fixations I have ever experienced. And to this day, those brain connections are still there and I have randomly infodumped on people when the topic comes up even obliquely. My kiddo, born years later, knows about it. My family is like "don't get them started" if the subject comes up.

It was just as strong as many of my fandom interests.

One of the things I look forward to every year is a particular festival where there's a pasty truck so I can get my annual authentic Cornish pasty. I can tell you where in two Missouri cities to find Jamaican patties, pierogis and other hand pie variations. Whenever I travel, I keep my eyes open for the opportunity to try different kinds.

I don't consider it like an ongoing special interest, per se. But it does kind of lie dormant and then pop up and it's like getting to hang out with an old friend I haven't seen in awhile. Similar to my childhood horse interest, it can flare to life at times and be like visiting a beloved old home. Feels like a comforting blanket.

Do NT people misuse and misunderstand the terms hyperfixation and special interest? Oh absolutely.

But I wouldn't discount the squash interest just because it's... squash.

Just recently I did a deep dive on squashes/gourds/melons/cucumbers (Cucurbitaceae family) what they're called in different languages, how various cultures group them (fruits, vegetables, other?). Growing habits and agricultural history, which ones can be hybridized, nutritional values, etc.

It was a short little thing, but by the end of the car trip my family was pretty tired of the conversation. And I was buzzing, lol. During work that day, I definitely plotted out where I could grow various varieties in my garden and put some seeds on a wishlist. Made a spreadsheet. Got out my Sioux Chef cookbook to see what was on there about squash and Three Sisters planting. Y'all... I don't even like squash, and I have a mild allergy to melons! There is zero practical reason for me to care At All about growing squash.

I don't think NT people really understand that the topic isn't important and even the external signs that other people see isn't important. Those of us who experience hyperfixations and special interests know the internal signs and what it feels like to be In That Thing for however long it lasts. It's about what it does to our brain and body. It's a physical experience.

And you never know and can't predict what topic might trigger it. Dear lord I once gave an impassoned lecture to a guy who was helping a neighbor move about rain gardens and restorative agriculture/permaculture and native gardening. I was so glad the neighbor was moving out because I'd never have to see the guy again. He'd just happened to ask an innocent question in the midst of a hyperfixation and the infodump was.... extreme. I realized later that the guy had tried to extricate himself several times and I'd botched it badly.

Idk where I'm going with this other than to say have mercy on the ND folks in the world and our "weird" interests. We don't mean to be weird or bore you to death. But the brain buzz we get from things sometimes overrides everything we've ever learned about appropriate social behavior and conversation. And sometimes we're really tired because we stayed up all night feeding a hyperfixation and now we're cranky.

[lablakelystress]

Vent no. 14 (gossip,oooh)(it’s long.)

School sucks and I care way too much about what other people think. I was just minding my own business today in English when I realized that I forget to turn a note into the attendance office (it’s a note from a parent that allows me to sign myself out of school in order to sit and eat lunch with my dad in the car. I know it’s lame but I’m forced to do it) anyways, I forgot so out of an instinct I facepalmed and said something like “oh dang it” idk lol, and then just tried to continue doing work, but then I heard these two friends start whispering (kinda) about me. It was definitely about me because they mentioned a girl talking to herself which had to have been me, it was just too convenient. So I got embarrassed and tried so hard not to listen to what they were saying but it was so quiet, so I kept listening and feeling worse about myself. Then I guess they must of noticed how bad I felt and they KEPT talking about me, like wth? I guess the girl friend must have felt bad or something based on what I heard, but it doesn’t stop there because I had her for the next period too. I just spent the rest of class feeling bad then in the next class I had her in, I became too paranoid and accidentally made eye contact with a guy, which he talked about with his friend, then the girl from the last class came and started talking with a group of friends the guy was in about what happened to her and how weird I was acting. Them continuing to talk just made me feel worse and made it hard to focus and they had to have caught on to this so they just kept talking about me for almost the whole class. They basically were just saying how weird I was acting (even though I was just trying to do school work) and how I was probably depressed or had schizophrenia? What?? Idek man I just wanted to be left alone… so then I left and continued to feel bad about the whole thing. I felt like the time I kinda acted weird was when I head a hard time focusing on work because I mostly just stared at the screen and using my hand to rest my head. I think I might be over this…but I just wish people didn’t see me this way. I already worry all the time about little things I do how and how others perceive them, so this really isn’t helping me at all. I just don’t get why people think it’s ok at all to talk bad about someone else they don’t even know, and who did nothing to them especially when they’re literally in the same room as them. Hepl? Actually never mind I know I’m taking this way too seriously probably, but still it hurts :(….

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

on one hand, i sort of missed the fun giddy aspects and just the general experience of having a crush on someone, since i havent really had one in a while. on the other hand, FUCK

[smallsteak-blog]

ALL HTE FUCKIN FRUITS

Hell yeah dude

peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos? I have 4 regular ear piercings (4 total 2 in each ear) and some dots on my leg that I work on when I’m feelin bored/self destructive

raspberry: favorite flower? Already answered

lemon: do you have any pets? what are their names? Ok so I have a dog named Hugo and 5 cats named Shimmer, Louis/Louie, Annie, Luna, and Sophie, and a turtle named Zeke (my parents are divorced so this is between 2 houses)

mango: what is your trademark? People telling me I look like barb :/

passion fruit: how would you describe your style? Already answered

pineapple: sexual orientation? Already answered

strawberry: favorite desserts? Anything with that marshmallow y fake whipped cream and also cheesecake

cherry: can you play any musical instruments or can you sing? Not really lmao

grape: if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go? Back to bed

banana: favorite horror movies? House and Fright Night

blackberry: is your life an action film, a comedy, a romantic comedy, or drama? I guess a comedy?

pomegranate: when do you feel the most confident? When my hair looks good

cantaloupe: what are your parents’ names? Bill, Autumn, Angela, Joe (like I said my parents are divorced and they both remarried so this is including step parents)

guava: dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup? Already answered

tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be? Already answered

plum: favorite clothing brands? Already answered

coconut: favorite perfume? Demeter’s Leather or this thing of pink frangipani oil my mom gave me

lychee: satin or lace? Probably satin

blueberry: what do you want to dress up as for halloween? Honestly idk bc I can never top barb

apple: what do you use more, tumblr or twitter? Tumblr

kiwi: what’s something that fascinates you? Vids of people doing acrylic nails

watermelon: do you have a job? if so, what is your job title? No lol

papaya: what song describes your aesthetic? Chicken by 4th Curtis

cranberry: favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night? During the summer it’s night, during the school year 2:00 pm to 7:29 am

nectarine: would you consider yourself an emotional person? Sometimes I’m really emotional but usually I don’t feel any emotions

orange: do you have long eyelashes? Yeah but they’re clear bc I’m a ginger

apricot: what do you do when you’re sad? Sit and stare into space and if it’s really bad cry for like a day

star fruit: favorite sea creature? Octopi bc they’re so smart

dragonfruit: do you drink alcohol? I’m a minor so only at new years

[obsessedelusional]

The New Girl

masterlist

parings ✦ eddie munson x reader

summary ✦ It’s your first day at a new school and your a nervous wreck. Sitting at a random table of boys might just change your life for the better when their leader take a special interest in you.

authors note ✦ I spend so much time writing Eddie fics and oneshots. I have a whole ass 40+ chapter finished fic I have yet to share with the world just cause I am too scared. Decided to start lightly with this and maybe post more in the future. Let me know what you think, good or bad. lol I think my problem is I’m so worried about my grammar and shit that I never post. So if that has a bunch of errors I’m sorry

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

You spent all summer dreading this day, your first day as a senior at Hawkins High. You’d be the new girl in the last year of school when everyone has already established their cliques, you’d be the outsider. To your surprise it wasn’t as painful as you’d imagined. First half of the day went by quickly, you sat in the period before lunch wondering where you were gonna sit. For a brief moment you considered spending it in the bathroom to avoid be the new girl sitting by her self but quickly decided against that idea. Concluding that being caught sitting in the bathroom for thirty minutes was far more embarrassing.

The bell rings breaking you out of your thoughts. The rest of class wastes no time, sighing you stand up and follow their lead. You’re the last one out of the room but that’s not before your stopped by the teacher.

“Y/N, right?” You nod yes in response. “How’s your first day so far?”

“So far so good. Everyone’s been really nice.” You realize there’s not much truth to that statement considering he’s the first person that’s took the time to talk to you.

“That great to hear, if you need anything at all don’t hesitate to ask.” He smiles reassuringly, you smile back and thank him before leaving the room.

Once in the cafeteria, you get in line and grab a tray. Thanking the lunch ladies as they slop on the mysterious food. In that moment you think to your self you’ll be bringing lunch from now on. Out of the line you’re greeted by the rows of tables filled with students.

Eyes scan the room quickly realizing there’s not many empty seats left. You watch them fill up as you stand there. You decide fuck it and go to sit down at a table filled with girls. You’re not fast enough because someone steals it before you, giving you an annoyed look before turning their back to you.

Down a few tables there a group of boys all wearing the same shirt, they look harmless enough. They’re only taking up half the table. You decide you’ll sit at the far end and pray that they leave you alone.

As soon as you walk over all their eyes are on you, probably wondering who the hell you are. Shock hits their faces when you actually sit down. You half smile before picking your fork up and start playing with your food. You can’t help but notice a taller long haired boy approaching the table, he’s wearing the same shirt. ‘The Hellfire Club’

“Who do we have here?” He says sitting directly across from you, a grin across his face. You tell him your name and his response is,”Who said you can sit here?”

“Didn’t realize I had to ask.” You retort, sort of irritated.

“I’m just givin’ you shit. I’m Eddie.” He laughs, “You new here?” Eddie asks knowing damn well she’s new, knowing he would have remembered someone as pretty as her.

“Yeah.”

“How you liken Hawkins?” Eddie asks.

“It’s nice so far.” You lie and Eddie sees right through you.

“You don’t have to lie to me. We’re all aware of how shit it is.” He laughs.

“It’s pretty shit.” You agree laughing quickly covering your mouth when you laugh, Eddie notices.

“You wanna actually come sit with us at that end of the table instead of being the loser all by your self?” Eddie teases.

“Sure.” You say warily. You watch as Eddie gets up and heads to the end to sit. One of the younger kids tries to argue but Eddie tells them to shut up.

“Scoot down.” He commands the younger kids and they listen. “You can sit by me.” He smiles motioning to the seat next to him. Grabbing your tray you make your way over to Eddie. You can feel all their eyes on you as you sit.

“Thanks. What’s the shirts for?” You ask curiously, attempting to start a conversation.

“We’re a DND club.” You look over to the young boy who spoke, “I’m Dustin.” He introduces himself.

“That cool I used to watch my older brother play all the time.” You smile, remembering you oldest brother.

“Have you played before?”

“No he wouldn’t let me.” You admit.

“Do you want to?” Eddie asks, regaining your attention.

“I dunno maybe.” You say smiling. Eddie’s only known you for a few minutes and he’s already can’t stop staring. He wants to know everything about you.

“I’m gonna be so real with you right now. The longer you sit here the less chance you have of having any type of social status.” Another kid speaks up, you look over to him before speaking.

“I don’t care about that stuff anyways.” You look back to Eddie who’s already smiling at you. You take this moment to look at his beauty. His eyes are a deep brown and you can’t help yourself but admire them.

Conversation amongst the rest of them start but you still have Eddie’s full undivided attention. “What brings you to Hawkins?”

You answer and spend the rest of lunch answering all his questions. While learning so much about him.

Eventually lunch comes to an end and Eddie sighs, he seemed upset. You were upset too, you could of spent all day getting to know him. You get up grabbing your tray to empty it into the trash.

Eddie follows behind, once you’re done he grabs your wrist softly. You turn around to face him and he says, “You should sit with us tomorrow again.”

“I’d love that.” You grin, happy you’ve found friends. Especially cause one of them is this real cute older guy.

-

The next day rolls around and you excitedly wait for lunch ready for the chance to talk to Eddie again. This time you skip the lunch line and make your way for their table. “Hi guys.” You say, sitting where you sat yesterday. Eddie’s not here yet but the rest of the guys greet you. Mikes going off about one of his teachers already assigned a ‘fuck ton’ of homework. You laugh when you feel the weight of someone sitting next to you. Smiling you turn your attention that way hoping it’s Eddie.

It’s not. Your smile fades quickly. A blonde haired boy fills his spot, he’s sporting a green lettermen jacket. “Why are you sitting with these freaks?” You’re in total shock and confused unsure of how to respond. “You should sit with us,” he points over to a table filled with cheerleader and football players. “You’re too pretty to be hanging out with these losers.” He laughs, his hand reaching for your hair letting his fingers run through it.

“No thank you.” You politely decline, pushing his hand away.

“Oh come on. Fuck these freaks.” He pouts.

You don’t know what comes over you but you spit,“Fuck off.”

“Oh she’s feisty.” He laughs, “Well if you ever change your mind and need some good dick you know where to find me.” Your jaw drops, shocked those words would come out of his mouth.

“Just leave her alone.” One of the guys speaks up.

“I bet you let that freak fuck you, huh? I saw they way you two were looking at each other yesterday.” He hands find its way in your lap, quickly slipping it way into between your thighs. Before he can get any farther, you do the unthinkable. Something you could never imagine yourself doing. You punch him square in the face, he quickly falls back. His hands gravitate to his nose, it’s bleeding. You look down at your fist, it hurts but you’re too much in shock to notice.

Looking up from your fist you’re greeted by Eddie. His hands cup you face, “Are you okay?” Tears start to fall down your face realizing what just happened. The blonde boy mutters fuck you before taking off blood staining his letterman. “What happened?” When you can’t respond, he grabs your hand, “Let’s get you out of here.” You don’t argue following Eddie out of the lunchroom, through a hall way, and out a door that leads to a nearly empty parking lot.

Eddie takes you to his van, opening the door for you. For some reason you get in, you feel like you can trust Eddie. He shuts the door behind you before making his way to the drivers side. “Do you want me to take you home?”

“No.” You say wiping the tears from you face, trying to calm down. “Just take me away from here. I don’t want to go home.”

“Okay.” He smiles softly.

-

Eddie and you drove the whole way a in silence. Occasionally glancing over at each other. Music filled the silence, Eddie hummed along. For a moment it crosses your mind that your alone with essentially a stranger. You just hope that he’s not gonna murder you and try to forget shake that thought.

Eventually you two arrive at a little lake you’ve never been to before. He reverses into a parking spot. “This is my favorite place to come to when I need to breathe.” Eddie gets out, walking behind his van. You can tell he’s opened the back so you let yourself out. Eddie’s sat in the back of his van his legs dangling from the edge.

For a few moments you look around the back of Eddie van. The back seats had been taken out and there were blankets and pillows laid out. You sit next to him scooting as close as you can. His arm falls on your shoulders, allowing you to rest your head on him. You both sit in silence for a few moments.

“What all did you see?” You ask.

“I walked into the lunch room and seen Jason Carver laying on the floor in front of you with a bloody nose.” He’s arm leaves your shoulder and grabs the fist you used to punch that guy. “Does it hurt? It looks like it hurts.” Eddie says while he’s gently examining it. Your knuckles are bruised.

“It hurts a lot.”

“Why did you punch him?” Eddie asks.

“He was being such a dick.”

“That’s Jason for you.” Eddie explains.

“He kept touching me after I turned him down.” Eddie noticeably tenses up. “I blacked out and when I came to he was on the floor. I’ve never don’t that before.”

“Well he deserved it. If he ever touches you again I swear to god I’ll kill him.” Eddie grits his teeth speaking.

“Hopefully he’ll leave me alone after today.” You sigh.

“You’re kinda bad ass.” Eddie smiles.

“How?”

“You punched Jason Carver in the face. You haven’t gone here long enough to realize how bad ass that is. Everyone hates him except his bone head friends who are just as terrible as him.”

-

You couldn’t explain it but you felt so comfortable around Eddie. You two sat there for a while talking about anything and everything. Eventually you two ended up laying down in the back of his van, next to each other facing each other as you talked. Your hands rested so closely together. You so badly wanted to grab his but chicken out. Eddie must of noticed you looking at his hand cause he does exactly what you were to chicken to do causing the biggest grin to form on your face almost too afraid to make eye contact with him. You can feel him getting closer, the butterflies in your stomach getting bigger.

Your phone goes off bringing you back to reality. It’s your dad. Fuck.

Quickly sitting up, letting go of Eddie and answering your dad starts with the questions, “Where are you? Your school says you never showed up to second half of classes after you got into a fight?” He sounds more concerned than angry, which calms you.

“I’m safe. I’ll explain when I get home. I love you.” He says he loves you before hanging up. “Can you take me home?” You groan annoyed you have to leave Eddie so soon.

“Yeah of course.” Eddie says, getting up and helping you out of the van.

-

You give Eddie directions to your home as his drives. A good twenty minutes later he parks in front of your home.

“I know what happened to you today was really shitty but for what it’s worth I had fun with you after the fact. Hope you don’t get in too much trouble.” He says causing you to smile.

“If punching some jock in the face meant I could hang out with you I’d do it again.” You laugh to yourself.

“You don’t have to punch anyone in the face to hang out with me.” Eddie jokes with you, you look over to him to find him already looking at you and decide in that moment to do something else you’d never imagine yourself doing. You lean in closer to Eddie, reaching over the center console. Your lips meet his. Eddie seems taken aback but slowly lets him self kiss you. His hands finding their way to your face. You two make out for a few moments, Eddie eventually being the one to pull away to catch his breath.

“You’re kinda bad ass.”

“How?” You laugh.

“I’ve wanted to do that for hours now but I was too chicken shit. You just went for it.” He smiles, smitten.

“Can I go for it again?” Eddie nods before kissing you again.

[witchychanel]

Don’t Say You Love Me

°○•●•~▪︎☆°○•●•~▪︎☆

AN: this is way longer then it should have been lol 😩

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!reader, Natasha x Fem!reader

pronouns: she/her

Warnings: cursing, Angst, smut?, cheating, fluff?, gas-lighting ?

Word count: 2.9k

Don't say you miss me when you don't call

And don't say you're hurting without the scars

Don't promise me tonight without tomorrow too

Don't say you love me unless you do

“I miss you and love you Wanda” you texted her for the 10th time today, but she had yet to respond. She was on a two week mission with Steve, Clint, Thor and Vision. Almost everyone was out on a mission. Except for you and Natasha. Nat was recovering from the flu. One of the most badass assassins getting taken down because of the flu was hilarious to you. 

But you had just come back from a two month solo mission two weeks ago and needed rest. Fury and Maria’s orders. You usually spent your time training the agents, but Fury wanted to train them today. 

You sigh and start to scroll through pictures of you and Wanda. “Has she texted you back” you heard Natasha as she walked into the common living room. “No” you answered with a bit of lost hope. 

“She’s probably busy” 

“Is that why you were just talking to Steve and Clint about eating lunch?” you answered with a bit of anger. “I’m sorry- It’s just…I miss her” 

Nat sits down next to you and rubs your arm and comforts you. 

“I know you guys have been having problems recently” . You chuckle a bit bitterly “recently- I accused Wanda of cheating on me with one of the shield agents  that I train”

“I know. The whole compound heard that argument. I also know that you both haven’t talked in two weeks”

We've been close, but inconsistent

You hold my heart at a safer distance, yeah

You think words can ease the tension

But you can't deny that something's missing

“Are you cheating on me with her?” you screamed at Wanda. “NO! I DID NOT CHEAT ON YOU WITH HER AND I AM NOT CHEATING ON YOU PERIOD” Wanda yelled back “I love you. I don’t know what you think or thought you saw.  I was not going to kiss her, okay you’re overrating,” Wanda says packing clothes. 

“Where are you going? We’re not done talking,” you said in frustration “I have a mission Y/N, I can’t  just miss it because you don’t believe me. I can’t just miss it because you feel insecure and don’t believe me. Okay I love you; we’ll continue this conversion when I get back”.  Wanda threw her bag over her shoulder and slammed the door. 

You didn’t leave your room for the rest of the day. Nat had to be the one to bring you dinner. Which you felt bad for because she was the one that was sick. 

I need a little bit more

I need a little bit more

You gotta know what it's like

I know you been here before

I've been waiting, I've been patient

But I need a little bit more

“I’m sorry,” Nat said. 

“Why are you sorry? Nat you did nothing wrong” you said looking into her beautiful green candy eyes. You first met Natasha when Maria brought you to join the Avengers during the battle of New York. You have always thought that Nat was absolutely gorgeous and never thought you had a chance with her, so you never made a move. 

“I just know that you’re in pain, and I wish that there was a way that I can take it away.” “ I wish that there was a way that I can make you feel better, but I know that until you both talk nothing will get better.” 

“I love you Y/N and I just want you to be happy.” Nat was upset with Wanda and you can tell by the way she was looking at you as she spoke.

So, don't say you miss me when you don't call

And don't say you're hurting without the scars

Don't promise me tonight without tomorrow too

Don't say you love me unless you do, unless you do

You were about to respond to Nat when you heard F.R.I.D.A.Y announce that Wanda and the others were back. You got off the couch and ran towards the loading zone. You made eye contact with Wanda and started to cry. You weren’t sure if the tears were of joy, frustration or anger; but you missed her so much.

“I am so, so sorry that I was overreacting. I know that you will never ever do anything like that. Okay. I love you Wanda”. You said in tears holding her so tight. “It’s alright my love” Wanda says. The kiss you both share was passionate, tears flowing through your eyes and onto her. 

After a while you both decided that you needed to breathe and stopped kissing. “I miss you, you know” she said gently touching your face and rand her thumb over your lip.

“Why didn’t you text me back or call? Nat talked to Clint and Steve a lot while you were away. I just need to understand why you never called me.” You wanted answers. You wanted to believe that she would never hurt you.

You got into the shared bedroom and heard her somewhat irradiated response. 

“ I was busy, you know. Stopping the bad guys.”

“But-” was all you said before you stopped yourself because you can see Wanda getting a little irritated before she grabs your hands and sits you on the bed.

 “I love you Y/N. I will tell you more about the mission when I shower, okay?”

You were a bit confused, because you never asked about the mission. You just wanted answers but you decided to nod your head okay. “Alright, well…I’m going to get out and get your favorite food, just sit and relax.” You kissed her on the cheek and left the room, so she can get relaxed and out of her dirty suit. 

How am I supposed to take it

When weeks go by and I'm still waiting?

I say I'm okay but I can't fake it, yeah

Even when I try, yeah, something's missing

“Hey Y/N/N, can I go with you to get food for the others? I have been stuck in this compound for two weeks and need some air. So pretty please can I go with you?” Nat asked, giving you her best puppy dog eyes. 

“Of course you can, Nat. You don’t even have to ask”. 

“So…how are things with you and Wanda?”

“She said that she missed me and that she loved me…but…” you inhale deeply and bit your lip from the inside of your mouth. “She never texted me back. She never called. I understand that she needed to take a shower and get out the clothes but I feel like she’s hiding something”. 

Nat pulls off to the side of the road and turns off the car. She looks at you and grabs your hand. Nat inhales deeply and says very softly “You don’t deserve this…if she really loved you then she would have called you. Maybe you need to read her mind”. 

You pulled your hands away and scoffed. “I can’t just read her mind, Nat.” You hold up two fingers and continued to say “ One she’ll know and two if I read her mind that would mean that I don’t trust her and if we don’t have trust then we have nothing”

“So reading her mind is out of the question” you said angrily.  

“I shouldn’t have suggested it…I’m sorry Y/N”

“Just drive”

Nat has a point you thought. But you couldn’t  read Wanda’s mind. You wanted to trust her. You didn’t want to believe that she could hurt you. After everything that you both have been through, you knew she loved you. You felt that she was just angry that you didn’t trust her. 

I need a little bit more

I need a little bit more (I need a little bit more)

You gotta know what it's like

I know you been here before

I've been waiting, I've been patient

But I need a little bit more

“I’m sorry, Nat” 

“It’s alright. I know that you feel helpless…I just… If I had your abilities I would use them,” Nat responded, helping you put the food into the car.  “I forgot that you’ve been through this.. You know with Buc- Bucky,” Nat didn’t seem to faze when you said his name. I guess it was because you both had to still work with him. You couldn’t believe that Bucky would do that to Nat. You couldn’t believe that Bucky would do that in general. We all thought it was a joke when Steve said Bucky was a ladies man; considering that he never said much to the other Avengers. They seemed to be so in love. Always laughing. Always taking care of each other. Always with each other. They weren't all in for PDA but they loved each other; at least that is what Nat said and thought. 

But it was all a lie, which is what you and Nat found out during a girls night out with Wanda, Yelena, Maria (Hill), Okoye, Carol, Hope, and Ayo. Nat got her heart broken into millions of pieces when we saw Bucky making out Sharon Carter through a window at a restaurant. You snap a pic of the two and sent the pic to Steve because Steve was just starting to date Sharon at the time. So not only did Bucky break Nat’s heart but he also broke Steve’s. 

Well we all thought his heart was broken...

Steve and Bucky later made up and they are now friends again after not talking to each other for months. But this helped Steve find love with someone else. Someone that you never thought in a million years.  Loki. Yes the trickster themselves. Loki and Steve were together now. They were both cute and annoying as shit together. 

You were pulled out of your thoughts as you saw the familiar “Avengers property” signs on they way back home.

Don't say you miss me when you don't call (When you don't call)

Don't say you're hurting without the scars

Don't promise me tonight without tomorrow too

Don't say you love me unless you do

Once you arrived at the compound you and Nat placed the food in the kitchen. “Hello, Y/N”, Vision said while hugging you. “How was the mission, I bet you all were really busy.” 

“Not really.” Steve said coming up the stairs. “Clint did most of the work, with a little help from Nat even though she was here.” He chuckled knowing his friend was working even though she was supposed to be resting.

“It’s true lady Y/N. Lady Wanda and brothers Steve, Vision and I only started to take down the Hydra base the last two days of the mission.” Thor said while he was washing his hands. 

“Hmm…” you then proceed to say “Wanda said that she was busy, that’s why she never responded to me.”

“She was on her phone laughing and smiling the whole time, so I thought that she was talking to you considering I heard her say ‘I love you’.” Steve said, looking a bit angry, sad and confused. 

You stared into Steve’s eyes feeling nauseous. Your heart was racing. You felt a panic attack coming on. Your chest was tight, your breathing was uneven, your body was shaking as you left the kitchen and walked toward Wanda’s and your shared room to confront her. 

Tears. Tears were streaming down your face. You were mad. You were angry. You wanted some fucking answers. But as you got closer towards the door you heard moaning coming from the room. 

It wasn’t Wanda’s moans. The moans that you loved so much, the moans that you can recognize anywhere. It wasn’t her’s. It was someone else's. You ripped the door open and slammed it shut with your powers. 

There laying on your bed was Sasha. One of the agents that you were training. The woman that Wanda told you not to worry about. The woman that Wanda loved more than you.

Sasha tried to get up and leave, but you wouldn’t let her. “You said I was overreacting.” You said in a very calm and horrifying voice.  “You said that you loved me.” 

“Y/N, let her leave we can talk about this,” Wanda pleaded with you tears streaming down her face “I do love you, more than you can imagine” she said in hopes to calm you down 

“Fuck you! No you don’t! If you did you wouldn’t be fucking someone else!” you yelled. 

You walked up to Sasha, looked into her eyes and compelled her to tell you everything. 

She said that Wanda and her have been having an affair for 9 months. Wanda approached her and fucked her. You saw Wanda telling her for months that she was going to leave you for her but needed to find the right time. Wanda said that she was going to keep the relationship a secret so that you wouldn’t do something drastic and give you some time to heal. 

Once you found everything that you needed, you stopped mind controlling Sasha and told her that she was fucking fired. Sasha ran out of the room fast, very fast. She was terrified of you and always has been but for some reason she never thought about her actions. 

You and Wanda remained silent for 5 minutes. You weren’t looking at her, you just stared into space. “Y/N…please say something,” Wanda sobbed. But you… you were in pain, the most pain that you've ever been in but yet you were so numb and so cold. “You can have the room, and you can keep everything. I’m just going to pack my shit and move into my old room, that is far, far away from you.” You finally said. 

“Please. Please let me explain. I don’t know what you saw but it was all fake.” Wanda rushed to take your shirts  out of your suitcase. You didn’t respond to her plea. You heard enough of her lies. But you wanted to see more, just as Wanda was about to take more of the clothes out of your suitcase you grabbed her head with both of your hands and saw into her memories. 

Everything that you saw in Sasha’s head, you saw in Wanda’s. All saw all of the love that Wanda had for her, you heard and saw all of the times that Wanda told Sasha that she loved her but there was one funny thing that you noticed. “You know why Sasha never said that she loved you? It’s because she’s married and her partner is in the military and never gets to see them.” Your hole body shook as you laughed “Isn’t ironic, you telling her that you love her when she doesn’t even feel the same about you,” 

“3 years down the drain Wanda for some woman that never ever loved you. But me, I love you or at least I loved you. And now- I don’t even trust you.” Wanda was sitting on the floor with her hands in her hair as she was sobbing pleading you to stay. You opened the door to see the Avengers that were home standing in front of your door… Well, what was your door. “Do you need any help moving things into your old room?'' Nat asked as she took the suitcase out of your hands. You nodded your head ‘yes’ “I expected better from you Wanda” Vision said, grabbing more of your clothes and putting them into a box, Steve, Thor, and Clint are doing the same. 

After an hour or so, everything was moved into your cold and dusty old room. The boys left to welcome Tony, Sam, Bucky, Rhodey, Loki and Bruce but to also give them an update about what was going on. 

“Nat-” you sobbed as you fell to your knees. “I thought she really loved me…” 

“I know baby, I know.” Nat made you stand up and moved you to your bed. You laid with her sobbing into her chest until you fell asleep but before you hit the deep R.E.M sleep you heard Nat say “I love you so, so much Y/N and if you gave me a chance princess I would make you the happiest woman on the planet because you deserve it.”

When you woke it it was about 2 in the morning, Nat was still there and your throat  felt like it was horsed, your eyes puffy and sore.  You decided to grab water from the kitchen but as you walked up the stairs into the room you saw Wanda sitting on a stool drinking what seemed to be about her 4th bottle of wine. 

“Y/N…I-” she started to say but you put your hand up to shut her up. You grabbed a water bottle and chugged it and threw it away. 

You cleared your throat and sniffed and said “You say you love me but you never called. You say you're in pain or you say you never wanted to hurt me but it was all a lie.” With that you left back to your room and laid there and started to imagine your life without being with Wanda. You knew you had to get along with each other because you both are heroes but it was going to take some time. 

And time is what you were going to need before telling Nat that you also love her.  

Don't say you miss me when you don't call (When you don't call)

Don't say you're hurting without the scars

Don't promise me tonight without tomorrow too

Don't say you love me unless you do

°○•●•~▪︎☆

I use  all pronouns for Loki.

Feedback would be great

Part 2: i love u

If you want to be tagged just tell me

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[teasty]

irresistible || h.hj (m)

a/n: yess fuck boy hyunjin ftw ngl,,,,i’m so in love with that idea,, especially with his long hair (i actually got into skz cuz of hyunjin’s hair lol i love longish hair on men)

● pairing: hwang hyunjin x (fem) reader

● genre: angsty n smutty (mdi!) | crack lol | enemies to lovers!au | college!au | nonidol!au

● warnings: hyunjin and reader hate each other at first :( | fighting | profanity | name calling | suggestive dialogue | fuckboy!hyunjin | snarky/goodgirl!reader | unprotected sex | hair pulling | cunnilingus | degradation + hints of praise | hyunjin is just an insecure baby underneath a tough guy exterior ;-; | virgin!reader | hyunjin keeps switching between fuck boy and sad boy |

● requested? yes!

● words: 9k

● summary: You despise Hwang Hyunjin with a passion. And he just hates you right back. You’re a good, moral student while he fucks around with everybody. He likes to pull at heartstrings while you like to pull at his palm tree hairdo. There’s nothing that makes you like the other, but when you wind up at the old art room with him and things get heated up, you see a softer, truer and more broken side to him.

Is falling in love with someone you've hated for years in the span of one night even possible? Apparently so...

i miss him so much don't @ me

“You’re too irresistible not to fuck until you're screaming my name and begging for more.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Hyunjin, or I’ll tear your stupid hair out of your head,” you threaten darkly. The ever so proud Hyunjin only scoffs, laughing mockingly at you as he shoves his hands into his pockets. He crouched down to be at eye level with you. Despite you being much smaller than him, you still stood your group, even tripped over on the floor, your once organized papers sprawled out on the floor.

“I’d like to see you try, princess,” Hyunjin’s brow raises, and your lips downturn into even more of a frown. You would never, ever dare to start a physical fight with Hyunjin, but boy you can talk. Sometimes, your mouth might even be a little bit too big for your own liking. The words just flow out so naturally, and you don’t even realize it to actually stop it from flowing off of your tongue.

It was your dumb mouth that started this whole mess, anyways. Back in the last few years of high school, your best friend (who, in the end, turned out to be the fakest bitch you’ve ever met) had gotten with a boy. A boy you had no clue even went to the school. And, that’s when you met Hwang Hyunjin at lunch that day. In all his short - haired glory. At first, he seemed pretty decent, but you knew something was off about him from the start. Sure, he had a bright smile that could make any girl with a brain filled with boys faint, but he just didn’t sit too right with you. The way he acted around your friend (at the time) and the way he’d talk to her and other girls.

At first, you didn’t think he was a fuckboy, but it was when he tried to get in your pants after you called him a fuckboy after school one day when it hit you. That was the first and only day you really punched him in the face. Giving him a black and blue bruise on his cheekbone from the impact when he tried to take your clothes off, not caring whether or not you said it was alright or not. Of course, he got mad at you, but didn’t lay a hand on you, like you thought he would. You remember bracing your body for some sort of punch, kick or push, but nothing came other than Hyunjin’s loud voice screaming curses at you and calling you all - too vulgar and hurtful names.

You would have apologized if you weren’t so upset with the fact that he tried to be your first fuck. Your virginity isn’t the most precious thing to you, but you promised yourself you wouldn’t allow yourself to lose it to Hwang Hyunjin. Especially not after that day he actually tried to fuck you behind the school. You went running to your friend afterwards. Who, to your surprise, got mad at you for trying to make her boyfriend cheat on her with you. You couldn’t believe her, and you dropped her right there.

It was actually Hyunjin who broke up with her, having her come running to you with tears in her eyes about how upset she is that Hyunjin broke up with her. Of course, you didn’t react and only ignored her for… the rest of her life so far. She eventually gave up on trying to be friends with you, and went her own direction. However, Hyunjin didn’t leave you alone.

You can swear that he’s vowed to make your life living hell after you rejected him with your fist. At first, it was just teasing. Calling you names. Making fun of stupid mistakes. Sometimes even flirting with you just to make you mad. And no matter how many times you seemed to reject, verbally or physically, he never gave. Maybe he doesn’t try to get in your pants anymore, but he won’t stop calling you stupid nicknames when he’s being a dick to you… like “princess, baby, babygirl, darling, honey, sweetheart.” Stupid, meaningless nicknames to call you just to pull at both your heartstrings and your thin line of patience.

You weren’t so friendly to call him bittersweet names like that. You decided to go with a more aggressive route of, “dickhead, motherfucker, bitch, asshole, asshat, shithead” and other conjugations of any curse word you could think of. Of course, none of it fazed him one bit. In fact, it all seemed to amuse him. Like your anger was his entertainment, and that idea pissed you off.

You’ve had friends tell you to “Just not give him the attention since that’s what he wants!” But, that was the most difficult thing to do when Hyunjin was always following behind you, yet always a step ahead. Everywhere you end up, he’s somehow ironically there, too. Everywhere you plan to go, he’s somehow, ironically, planning to go there, too. Sometimes you debate if he’s stalking, but you don’t have much social media (nor do you post anything if you did) and you made sure to always keep away from the name Hyunjin just in case it’s the Hyunjin.

But, now, you’re sitting on your ass like an idiot, papers flown around you as Hyunjin crouches down in front of you. Almost as if peering down at his prey. His judgemental eyes scan your trembling figure, shaking from the pent up anger, up and down as he smirks like the little devil he is.

You’d been running back to your classroom, having to collect papers for your professor from the teacher’s lounge. She specifically asked for them to be organized by date, and you spent a few well - focused and frustrating minutes organizing the papers. Of course, as you were running through the supposedly empty hall, looking down at your phone to check the time to make sure you’ll have enough time before the end of the class period, you slammed face first into Hyunjin’s chest. Knocking him off of his balance, but catching himself on the wall, and sending you flying back and the papers to fly out of your arms, all your hard work scattered around you as you glare up at him with a deadly look in your eyes.

“Oh…” Hyunjin smiles down at you, leaning against the wall. His brows creasing up in a fake worry, his bottom lip jutting out in a mocking pout, staining his handsome face with the pathetic expression, “Poor baby… Do you need help picking up your papers?” He asks in a high pitched voice, and you try to hold back the urge to kick him right in the balls.

“Don’t fuck with me, Hyunjin,” you growl out darkly, and Hyunjin’s eyes widen and his fake, bitter smile widens in a pathetic imitation of shock and hurt, “Or I’ll tear your stupid hair out of your head.” You shamelessly threaten, both of you knowing you’re probably not going to even try to rip Hyunjin’s gorgeous hair for his scalp.

Hyunjin gets up off of the wall and walks over to you, you sitting on your ass with a glare that could spew daggers, and he crouches in front of you. His elbows on his knees, and he peers down at you like a predator stalking over its prey, ready to pounce at any second. He scans you, his half lidded, judgemental eyes peering over your body, heavily hidden by your black leggings and dark blue hoodie that was two sizes too big.

“I’d like to see you try, princess,” Hyunjin cocks a brow at you, his eyes finally landing on your dark ones.

“Don’t call me that, dickhead,” you spit right back, but he only chuckles darkly, his head falling briefly before he lifts his head up again. Shaking it slightly as he critically smiles at you, his mocking laugh making you feel small and weak.

“That’s a no - can - do. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, alright? Princess?” Hyunjin’s face dips down, nearing yours. You do the first thing you think of, grabbing a handful of papers, wrinkling them and throwing them with full force at Hyunjin’s face. He flinches back and stands up, swatting away the papers quickly. “Fucking hell! You scared me for a second there.”

“Good, now piss off. I have places to be. And shouldn’t you be in class?” You grumble as you collect the papers, trying your best to get them as organized as possible in your arms, making sure to keep a tight grip on them in case Hyunjin tried to do anything.

“Aw, do you suddenly care for me?” He places a hand over his chest, sighing dramatically, “I’m touched.”

“In your dreams, dipshit. Leave me alone,” you snap out, already getting a headache from this as you walk around on your knees to try and collect the papers, cursing to yourself when you find a wrinkled one, trying to smooth it out. Hyunjin watches you with a stoic expression, leaning against the wall. You don’t even bother saying another thing to him before you gather up the last of the papers and dash away, trying to organize the papers best you could before you reach your class.

Thankfully, Hyunjin didn’t follow you like he usually did. You let out a breath of air you didn’t know you were holding as you neared the classroom, your hands moving quickly to organise the papers. You open the door, somewhat out of breath as you hand them to the professor. Letting her know that you dropped them on your way here and they got a bit disorganized, but you tried your best to organize them again. She dismissed you and thanked you, sending you back to your seat to pack up (since it’s the end of the class, which is why you were hurrying).

Thankfully, your last class period is a study hall, so you take this time to run down to the library to work on assignments that are due soon. You prefer the library since it’s a calm and quiet place, and you know the librarian quite well, since you’re usually there during study hall. If you’re not there, you’re somewhere with a friend, and that’s usually not in the comfort of the library since you get pretty loud and unfiltered when you’re with friends. So, in the end, you’ll get booted out by the librarian.

When you get there, there’s already quite a few students sitting around, listening to music and typing vigorously on their laptops. You bow briefly to the librarian, who gives you a warm smile before you take a seat at a table in the corner of the library, far from the others. You take out your laptop and phone, plugging your earbuds into the earphone jack in your phone to play music into your ears.

You spend a good fifteen minutes writing an essay for your English Literature class. Focused in on the task at hand while soft lofi flows into your ears, letting your mind relax, but focus on what you’re doing.

So, it’s totally normal that you let out a short scream when your earbuds are painfully ripped out of your ears, your hands flying up to cup your ears. People glare at you, but turn back when they see who’s looming over your desk. Your earbuds and phone in his hand, and you could faintly hear the sound of the lofi that once calmed your mind. He stood there with a proud smile, and he raised a finger to his lips.

“Shh… quiet in the library,” Hyunjin says just above a whisper, and your lip twitches from holding back from strangling him in front of everyone. Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? He’s always made a note to let you know how annoying you can be or how much he hates you, so why doesn’t he just leave you alone? He knows how much he upsets you, but it seems to make him happy. He already wears a stupid smile all the time. You’ve seen him upset before, plenty of times. But when he’s teasing you or doing things to make you miserable, he wears that same devilish smirk.

“I… Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin. Give me my phone back.” You stand up, reaching for the phone, but his hand yanks back away from you. Giving you a sarcastic smile as he looks down at you.

“Beg for it,” Hyunjin giggles darkly. Looking at something on your phone and even pressing a few buttons. Your eyes widen.

“Fuck no, just give it back!” You whisper - yell, reaching for it again, leaning over the table to grab for it.

Hyunjin shakes his head, “I said to beg for it…~” he sings - songs in a hushed tone, and your hands tense, his neck lookingly plenty good to just strangle. You don’t say anything, and you fold your arms over your chest. Raising a brow at you. “You think that’s gonna change my mind, hon? I still want you to beg for it.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn, it’s annoying,” you grumble, and shut your laptop close and push it into your backpack. You start walking out, shoving past Hyunjin and fighting against frustrated tears. You don’t even bother to bow to the librarian as you walk out, on fist gripping the sleeve of your backpack and the other clenched tightly at your side.

You walk out of the library, into the court of the university. There’s not many people there, since it’s the last class period of the day and everyone was getting ready to go home for the weekend. You stood underneath a tree, and turned, cocking a brow at Hyunjin who followed behind you slowly. You frown at him, and his brow raises.

“So? You’re gonna get ‘em or no? You know I’m not giving them if you just frown at me, (Y/N),” Hyunjin smiles snarkily, and you visibly roll your eyes at him. You sigh softly.

“Hyunjin. Give them to me. I’m being serious, now, no fuckin’ around,” You hold your hand out, finally speaking in a normal, harsh tone now that you’re out of the library.

“Hm… Nah. You still have to beg for it like a bitch. Or else they’re mine,” Hyunjin gives you a pitifully fake smile, and your eyes close, trying to ease the rising rage inside you.

“Hyunjin. I’m not begging for it,” You take a step closer to him, but he doesn’t back down. Your headphones still clutch in his hand as he holds them away from you. When Hyunjin doesn’t respond, you finally act. Dropping your backpack and letting it slip off your shoulder and onto the grass, propping itself against the tree. Hyunjin’s smile finally drops when you grip his wrist, pulling it towards you harshly. But, on instinct, Hyunjin pulls himself away, pulling you towards him.

So, you push him down onto the grass, not caring for onlookers as you straddle Hyunjin’s waist before he could even try getting up. One of your hands reaches up to press against his chest, but Hyunjin doesn’t struggle. Not one bit. In fact, he doesn’t even smirk anymore. He’s just staring at you as you reach for his hand.

“(Y/N),” Hyunjin’s dark voice pipes up, and you shoot him a glare.

“Shut up,” you snap, and you pry open his fingers, which was much easier than you though. His hands are hot and sweaty, and you almost laugh at it. Is he nervous that you’re straddling him let alone touching him in the first place? You will admit, it’s an intimate position, but you only got on top of him like that to prevent him from moving so you could grab your earbuds and phone out of his hands and stuff them into your pocket.

You smirk down at him, your hair falling past your face. It feels good to be the one in control, and now that Hyunjin’s vulnerable, you utter out, “And you almost got me to beg. Boohoo. Better luck next time, dipshit.” You finally get off of him, and the moment you’re off of him, he gets up and dusts himself off.

“(Y/N),” He calls out your name as he watches you grab your backpack.

“Shut up and don’t talk to me,” You snap, and Hyunjin’s lip clamp shut. He looks conflicted, and you would feel bad if it weren’t Hyunjin. The same Hwang Hyunjin who’s decided to make your every day a living headache.

“Don’t you ever fucking touch me like that again,” Hyunjin’s hand snatches your wrist, but you pull yourself away swiftly, “If you do that ever, and I mean ever again, I will not hesitate to stuff your face in the dirt.” Hyunjin gets dangerously close to you, and you back away. You’re brows creasing. Sure, Hyunjin is a huge dick to you, but he’s not this much of a dick. So, it took you by surprise, but you felt proud. It’s obvious that forcing Hyunjin into such a vulnerable position both mentally and physically set him off, and you were proud of yourself for that. He’s always been the one trapping you, making you feel small and tugging at your strings of patience, and sometimes your heartstrings, too.

“Oh, fuck off, Hyunjin.” You groan out, your hands falling to your side as you sling your backpack over your shoulder, “You do that shit to me all the time. What’s it if I do it to you?”

“Just don’t do it a - fuckin’ - gain, (Y/N). Don’t, unless you don’t wanna walk straight the next day.” Hyunjin threatens, and your brows furrow.

“And what the fuck does that mean?” You scoff as Hyunjin shakes his head, turning to walk away. “Hyunjin!” You yell after him, but he thrusts up his hand, his slim middle finger in your direction. You scoff, surprised by such behavior from a guy like him, who’s usually the one doing the teasing instead of the flipping off.

You try your best to ignore him and head back to the dorm to your shared one with your friend. You were able to settle down for a bit, especially since your roommate wasn’t there yet. You finished up your work. Working on assignments that you couldn’t get to finish because of a certain someone who decided to snag your phone.

Speaking of your phone, about two hours after you get back to the dorm, your friend comes walking in.

“Hey Yeona,” You pipe up, acknowledging her presence as she peels off her flats from her feet. Yeona waves briefly before plopping on her bed.

“Hey (Y/N). How was it going today?”

“Terrible.” You admit, Hyunjin being the only thing coursing through your head.

“Terrible? Lemme guess,” Yeona sits up, glaring at you, “it’s that one Hwang guy you keep ranting about?” You nod slowly, “Ah. Well, sorry about that. Actually, that reminds me. Someone was asking for you. A boy… A really, really cute boy.”

“Oh? Who?” Your brow raises.

Yeona shrugs, “No clue. Couldn’t catch his name; he seemed like he was in a rush. He wants you to meet him in the old art room. The one they use for storage, you know? He said to take your time, but he seemed desperate as hell.”

“The old art room? Don’t people go there to fuck because the camera’s are busted at the school’s too lazy to replace ‘em?” your brow raises, a bitter smile etching your lip.

“That’s the one. Hey, you might get some dick tonight. At least he’s cute,” she wiggles her brows, and you laugh. “Go one. Call me if anything happens.”

“Yes, ma’am,” You jokingly salute, and Yeona does it right back. You stuff your phone in your back pocket, and give her a playful smile before you leave.

The old art room is at the very core of the school, and you know exactly where it is. Everybody does. It’s not exactly something that just goes unnoticed by the students. Since it’s old, the camera’s are very much out of date and therefore can’t hook up to the ‘new and improved’ security system. Usually people snuck there to fuck during passing hall, since no teacher went in there. Only special people on special occasions use it for storage.

You were somewhat excited. You still have your v - card, whether you like it or not. You originally planned to save it for someone special. But, at this point, you’re too stressed to care about who’s taking your virginity and who’s not. At this point, you’d get on your knees for anyone willing.

Except for Hwang Hyunjin. Of fucking course. You know so many people who would literally beg to be fucked by none other than Hwang Hyunjin. You were not one of those people. You weren’t one of Hyunjin’s toys, even though he treated you like one. You would never let him get to your head, though. You know that you shouldn’t listen to Hyunjin even if your life depended on it. He might mean those things, those vulgar things he says to you, but you choose not to believe them.

You were trembling by the time we were standing in front of the old art room. The rusty door is slightly ajar, signifying that someone’s inside. Of course there is, but it’s still weird that they didn’t shut the door in case any teacher got concerned and checked in. Whoever’s inside must be stupid, but you’re not one to ghost someone like that, especially if Yeona said that they seemed desperate. Someone desperate for you? You had no clue who. No one ever stared at you in class. No one ever teased you. Tried to constantly get your attention.

Actually, that’s a lie. That’s a bitter lie.

Hwang Hyunjin fit into every aspect of someone who’d be desperate for your attention. That’s when it hit you that Hyunjin’s only trying to gain your attention in the worst way.

And, he did. Because he’s standing right in front of you.

You turned to leave, but Hyunjin’s hand slammed against the closed door, making you flinch at the close proximity between the two of you, and you turned to look at Hyunjin. He’s not smiling like he usually is when he first sees you. In fact, you can’t tell what expression laces his godly face.

“Hyunjin? Was it you that told my friend to bring me here?” You ask, not so much a harsh tone, but trying to make things clear despite the answer being (literally) right in front of your face. There’s no one else in the old art room but empty boxes, old art tables and storage boxes littered here and there. “This isn’t funny, Hyunjin. I’m leaving.” You turn back around to grip the doorknob, but Hyunjin’s warm, shaking hand grips your wrist firmly, yet oddly gently.

“Don’t,” he utters out. His voice was strangely small. Nimble, even. Weak. “Don’t go. I need to talk to you.”

“Since when do you wanna talk to me?” You snap, and Hyunjin dodges your intense glare. His confidence seeps to be depleting by the minute.

“I just need to. I need to get things figured out,” Hyunjin grumbles out, letting go of your wrist. He steps away from you and sits on one of the old art tables, manspreading, stretching the tight fabric of his jeans.

“Get what figured out? Tell me,” you demand, now stepping away from the door and sitting across from Hyunjin on another table. Before Hyunjin could speak, though, you raise a hand, a thought coming to mind, “Wait, no. Why did you not just come to my dorm like a normal person? Why the art room? Do you know how many people have fucked in here, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, sighing softly, “Yes, I do. It’s just the only place we could truly be alone.”

“Wait… you’re not gonna do what I think you're gonna do, right?” You back up, reaching for your phone.

Hyunjin shakes his head, “No, I’m not. I’m not a stupid sixteen year old anymore, (Y/N). And neither are you.” You sigh, relaxing, “I’m just going to get straight to the point. I can’t take this anymore, (Y/N). I’m so lost without you.”

Your eyes snap up to meet his, looking for any sign of mischief or joke in his eyes. But, no. Instead, they’re genuine. Your brows furrow, confusion crashing over you.

“I don’t want to live with the thought that I make every day for you living hell,” Hyunjin looks away, ashamed.

“Then why do you taunt me in the first place?” You nearly yell, and Hyunjin’s eyes flicker closed. You get off of the table, standing in front of him, “Why do you work so hard to just get me pissed off for the rest of the day, huh? Why do you want my attention so bad? Why can’t you just leave me alone, then, if you don’t want to make my college life a living hell, huh?”

“Because I’m in love with you.”

So blunt. So stoic. So true.

You’re silenced by his words, shock overcoming you. Overwhelmingly dominating your anger as your eyes widen slowly. He doesn’t break eye contact, this time. He doesn’t bother looking away. He’s standing his ground. He’s telling the truth.

You shake your head, “No your not.”

“You don’t decide that,” Hyunjin says almost directly after your voice drifts off.

“You can’t be in love with me, Hyunjin. You can’t,” You shake your head, backing away.

“It’s not my fault!” Hyunjin finally raises his voice, getting off of the table and taking an intimidating step towards you. Making you falter and scramble back, your lower back hitting the old art table. “I can’t help it. I can’t help, (Y/N). I’ve tried everything. I’ve been with so many girls, even guys. Trying to get out of my mind but nothing, nothing works. It’s always been you. Ever since high school.”

“Even when you were dating her…?”

“Even when I was dating her. The only reason I dated your fucking friend was to try and get close to you,” Hyunjin admits, and your mouth falls open. You lost a friend just because he wanted to get close to you? Your anger was slowly gaining back it’s superiority over your shock, “I tried to talk to you, but every time I did it just came out as mean. You viewed me as a fuckboy, and I fulfilled that role. Only to try and get you out of my fucking head.” He spits out through gritted teeth. “I’ve tried to make myself hate you, despise you. And, don’t get me wrong, hon, a small part of me hates you’re short, annoying ass. But everything else is incomplete without you.”

“Why didn’t you just confront me? If you didn’t decide to date my friend then we wouldn’t be here right now!” You yell, pressing a finger to his chest.

“I was sixteen, (Y/N)! Sixteen. Everything that I did ended in my misfortune,” Hyunjin yells right back.

“And was that my fault? Huh?”

“Yes! It is! Yes, it fuckin’ is!”

“How in the fuck is it ever my fault with you?!” You shove him away.

“Because it was. All. For. You. Get that through your thick fucking skull!” Hyunjin yells so loudly, so aggressively that it brought you to tears. But, you didn’t show any sign of fear. You weren’t backing down from this.

After his yelling, things quieted. You’re too nervous to talk, afraid your voice would pathetically crack from the painful lump growing in your throat. Hyunjin stared at you, as if waiting for you to say something, anything. But, you couldn’t utter a word. Only a few pathetic tears slipping from your eyes. His brows crease up when he watches the quick, warm tears fall over your cheek and down your neck. His bottom lip becomes trapped between his teeth, and he looks down for a bit.

You’re tired of the silence. You simply can’t take it anymore. It’s driving you mad how tense and uncomfortable the silence between you and Hyunjin is.

“Hyunjin, I-“

You’re not able to finish before a pair of soft lips press themselves to yours. Your mind goes blank, and your body stiffens as you stare into Hyunjin’s closed eyes. Your hands gripping the table behind you for balance as Hyunjin’s trembling hands creep up to grip your face. He’s kissing you.

Hwang fucking Hyunjin is kissing you.

That’s a first.

You want to push him away, but no matter how much you tell yourself to, you only relax more and more. The feeling of his lips against yours was supposed to repulse you, give you the push you need to slam a fist into Hyunjin’s face. But, with how delicately he kisses you and how his gentle, trembling fingers caress your warm cheeks, you can’t bear even clenching your fist in the need to hurt him or to get him away from you.

You couldn’t bear to admit it, but you were slowly melting into the kiss. It was as though Hyunjin was casting some sort of spell on you. Your eyes relax. Going from a dim half - lidded until they flutter shut. Your hands let go of the table. You’re shaking, ever so slightly. Your hands guide themselves as they bring themselves up to press against Hyunjin’s collarbone. At first, you believe you’re trying to push him away. But, your own hands deceive you when they slowly trail up to run your hands through his long grown hair.

You finally let your lips move, and you finally kiss him back.

Hyunjin’s reaction to it is one to die for. His back stiffens when he feels your lips part and move with his. One of his hands moves to caress your jaw, his thumb running across the bone, his hands a bit more firm as the kiss gets passionate.

You want to hate yourself for kissing him back. For succumbing to him and letting yourself fall weak underneath him. But, you just couldn’t help yourself. Hyunjin’s lips pulled you in and didn’t seem to plan on letting you go anytime soon.

It seems like a flash when your tongue presses flush against Hyunjin’s. The feelings send your back stiff and you tightly grip his hair, as if you were going to break apart from the feeling. Hyunjin’s experienced lips guided your inexperienced ones, despite him obviously being nervous.

You try to breath through your nose like Hyunjin does when things start getting more and more intense, and Hyunjin’s hands slowly start to creep away from your face. Tongues clash, and instead of fighting for dominance over one another, you both move in sync. Your torso pressed against his as Hyunjin traps you in between him and the table.

One of Hyunjin’s hands falls down your arm, gently caressing your side before picking up your thigh to push you to sit on the table. He pushes you back.

“Hyunjin - ah… We can’t…” You mumble out breathily as he kisses the sides of your lips. His lips instantly connect back with yours.

“And here… I thought… you were standing so strong and proud,” Hyunjin chuckles darkly, whispering out the words in between wet kisses. His usual self coming back, and your brows furrow. “But… no. You’re letting me… do this… without fight.”

Your head cranes back as Hyunjin’s lips drag down to your neck. Licking wet strips up and down your neck, suckling on the sensitive skin and pressing wet, sloppy kisses to your skin. You bite back a moan.

“You said you wouldn’t do anything…” You whimper out, and Hyunjin chuckles against your neck.

“Maybe, but you’ve passed the point of no return when you kissed back. And here I thought you’d punch me in the face,” Hyunjin laughs against your skin, moving you so your legs are spread for him to press more and more against you.

“Maybe I should’ve,” you whisper out in one breath.

“Mmh, but you know you like it, baby,” Hyunjin smirks.

“What happened to you wanting to talk?” You breath out, your breath moans getting louder, and you bite your lip to hold your voice back.

“You ruined it,” Hyunjin grumbles, nibbling on your skin briefly.

“Fuck you…” you grumble, your arms wrapping around his neck unconsciously.

“Already, hmm? Impatient, are we?”

“Fuck off…!” You groan at his dumb joke, and Hyunjin laughs against you. “But… seriously, Hyunjin… Wait… I’m still a virgin.”

Hyunjin’s head snaps up, his brows furrowed. “You’re a what, again?”

“A virgin, dumbass.”

“Are you saying you want to have sex-..”

“Hyunjin! Don’t take this so lightly. I’ve never done it with anyone before, and I definitely wasn’t planning on someone like you being my first,” you admit, and Hyunjin cocks a brow at you.

“You’ll regret those words. I’ll make sure this is a night for you to remember,” Hyunjin snaps, his words dark, and you swallow. “But, I need you to let me know that you want me, too.”

“Goddamn it, Hyunjin,” you groan, and your hand grips a lock of his hair, pulling his back so he can look clearly at you, “I want you to fuck me, Hyun - ah…”

A smirk creeps up on his lips, and you watch the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows his spit, and you let go of his hair, and his head dives back into your neck. Not exactly going back to kissing you, but resting his lips there. He mumbles out, “I never thought I’d hear those words come out of your pretty mouth.” And neither did you. You tried to deny it, telling yourself that it’s a spur of the moment idea. But, right now, again, you can’t push Hyunjin away. Your body won't let you.

Fuck it, your mind screams, and you let your legs wrap around Hyunjin’s waist. His hands find themselves caressing your thighs, your waist and back as his lips start moving again over your neck. The sensation sending constant chills up and down your spine, causing your back to stiffen and arch at the new feeling erupting in your core. You’ve masturbated before, that’s not the issue. But, being in the control of somebody gave you a whole new stimulation with even having to be touched too much. A new spark of intensity.

Hyunjin’s hands are rough, yet cautious. Trying not to go too far, but obviously trying not to pull away himself.

He eventually pushed your shoulders lightly, but with enough force to push your back flat against the old art table. He’s still standing, but he’s leaning over you, his hands on either side of your head and his pelvis nearly pressed against yours, standing in between your legs.

His warm hands move slowly underneath your shirt. Your back lifts at the feeling of his hands meeting your untouched skin, and you let out a hoarse breath as Hyunjin sucks on the skin below your jaw. Your head tilting to the side to give him the access he needed. Your neck craning, and your eyes flutter shut from the bliss. Your lips parting in a silent moan. Too embarrassed to actually make too much noise. Hyunjin’s hands move up the sides of your bare waist, carrying your shirt and hoodie with it. He parts from your neck to look up at you, his hands coming to a sudden halt.

You only glare over to him before you take your shirt and hoodie yourself, peeling it quickly off and over your head and tossing them to the side, trying to make it onto another table, but it landed on the floor. You could care less. Hyunjin’s eyes immediately dart down to stare at your semi - exposed torso. You bite your bottom as Hyunjin’s hand eases up, poking at the wire of your cherry pink bra. “Pink? Cute.”

“Shut up,” you mumble out, and Hyunjin’s eyes flicker up to meet yours.

“Hmm, that’s not gonna happen and you know that.” Hyunjin winks at you, and you roll your eyes before your head falls back again. Hyunjin’s wet lips come back to your neck, but this time, he starts pressing slow, wet kisses down your neck. Over your collarbone and chest before over the bump of your breasts. You watch him with nervous eyes as Hyunjin presses wet kisses over the skin of your breasts. The feeling of the sensitive, untouched skin being no longer untouched is euphoric. However, he doesn’t take off your bra, most likely since you’re in the old art room and being completely nude would be a bit too overbearing and overwhelming for both of your likings.

You thought Hyunjin was going to stop there, but no. He kept on kissing down, now going over your stomach. Your heartbeat got louder and louder as he kept going down. His warm mouth pressing warm kisses to you before moving down, the area before being shadowed by the cold air.

Your breath got caught in your throat when Hyunjin’s fingers loop around the loose hem of your jeans. His eyes darting up to look at you briefly. But, this time, he doesn’t wait for you to take them off. One finger undoes the first button before he swiftly moves out of the way to pull them down. Your legs try to clamp shut, but Hyunjin’s knee jerks up, stopping them from closing. Your panties don’t match your bra, since they’re black and not as fancy. However, Hyunjin doesn’t seem to care at all.

Your pink face watches as Hyunjin tosses your jeans to the side, with the rest of your clothes.

“Hyunjin - ah…” You utter out, and Hyunjin’s eyes flicker up to meet yours, one brow raising in question.

“I’m going to eat you out,” Hyunjin gives you a sarcastic smile, and you don’t have the willpower to roll your eyes. Your pussy is already sopping wet, and you hold back the urge to throw yourself on top of him. You’re not surprised by how blunt he is, but it’s still nerve wracking for you. “Don’t be scared. You’ll be perfectly fine.” He reassures, and you know you’re fine. That you’re safe, but, as said before, you were so nervous.

You watch as Hyunjin dips between your legs, getting on his knees on the floor, perfectly level with you. He looks from your wet panties to you for a moment before he presses a firm kiss to your clothed cunt. Your hips jut up from the sensitivity of it, your legs trying to clamp shut, but Hyunjin’s hand is quicker. His hand flush against your thigh. He smirks against you, pressing another feather light kiss to your clothes pussy once more before he licks up it, firmly pressing his tongue against you, sending your hand to your mouth to hide your choked moans.

However, Hyunjin’s hand flies up to pull your arm down, grumbling out, “Don’t be fucking quiet this time, (Y/N).”

“We’re in a fucking classroom, Hyunjin, I have to be!” You let out a throaty groan as Hyunjin licks another long, slow strip over your panties.

“All the teachers are gone. God, relax,” Hyunjin laughs bitterly, and you shoot him a confused look.

“You planned this didn’t you?” You snarl, propping yourself, and Hyunjin cocks a brow, his long fingers hooking around the hem of your pantines. You tried to close your legs, but they’re blocked by Hyunjin’s hands. Hyunjin only shoots you glare before pulling down your panties, and you gasp when your sopping pussy meets the cold air of the old art room.

“Ha,” Hyunjin scoffs, one of his fingers moving up to grace itself over the smooth, all too stimulative and sensitive skin around you, making your hips jutter, “No matter how mad you try to make yourself, you’re still dripping wet like a bitch in heat. Didn’t know I turned you on so much, sweetheart.”

“I’ll kill you,” you snap, but your hand goes to grip the edge of the table.

“You’ll love me after this,” Hyunjin winks at you again.

“I doubt it,” you backfire, and Hyunjin’s brow raises. A challenging smile on his face as his lips near your throbbing womanhood. So close, you could feel his breath fanning you. Hyunjin holds eye contact with you as his lips make contact with your warm, wet cunt. Your head falls back when you feel Hyunjin’s tongue against your clit. You let out a breathy moan and your hand flies down to tug at Hyunjin’s hair.

Hyunjin doesn’t go slow. He’s already teasing your hole with his middle finger as he licks and suckes around your pussy. His lips and tongue working wonders no toy you’ve ever owned ever could. The explicit sounds he makes turn you on even more, his eyes fluttering shut to focus on his mouth’s movement more than your face, which is tilted back. Your back arches from the pleasure, and you let out delicate moans as Hyunjin’s lips satisfy your throbbing pussy, giving it the attention it’s been craving.

Hyunjin slowly eases one finger into you, and your hips buck onto it. Hyunjin chuckles against you at your movement and raises a hand to press against your gut, pushing you down and holding you there as he lapped up your flowing juices while his finger inserts inside you. His knuckles soon flush against you, slowly twisting his hand inside you as you push yourself against him. Chills running through your body as Hyunjin’s tongue presses against your sensitive clit.

“Oh, god, Hyunjin…!” You moan out when he presses another finger into you. Your eyes squeezing shut as your trembling hands grip Hyunjin’s hair, your legs resting over his shoulders as he begins to thrust his fingers into you at a decently fast pace. His long fingers penetrate your tight, virgin hole. Pumping them in and out quickly, and you clench around him.

Your hands that grip Hyunjin’s hair pulls him further towards you, trying to get more and more of his tongue on you. Your hips grinding down on his fingers as your mind fogs from the pleasure. Now, you don’t care that it’s Hwang Hyunjin, you’re just loving the pleasure he’s providing you. You neck cranes, almost as if trying to pull away from how sensitive you were and how Hyunjin was abusing that.

However, when he enters a third finger, stretching you out, you feel your orgasm nearing. You clench around his fingers, your moans getting louder. Now, the thought of a teacher overhearing your explicit moans clearing from your head, your mind relaxing on the thought. All you can think of is how high you’re getting from the pleasure.

“Hyunjin… Hyunjin, I’m gonna cum soon… Hyunjin - ah, mmh,” one hand reaching up, the back of your hand pressing against your lips. Hyunjin doesn’t slow down. His hands move faster, and his mouth sucks at your clit. Your back begins to arch, your climax dangerously close.

But, it doesn’t come.

Hyunjin’s hands pull out of your pussy and he stands up when your back twitches, about to throw itself up when your climax hits. You look at Hyunjin with wide, glossy eyes. Sweat dripping down your forehead. Your legs twitch from the lost orgasm.

“What the fuck, Hyunjin?” You snap, and Hyunjin wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, giving you a raised brow and a smirk.

“You don’t get to cum, yet,” Hyunjin climbs over you again, trapping you down underneath his arms as he pushes himself in between your legs, and you could feel how hard he was just by a small brush of his bulge against your thigh. “Now, be good for me and take my cock like a good slut.” Your back stiffens from the vulgar slur, but it only makes your oversensitive pussy even wetter.

Hyunjin is quick when he lets his pants drop down with his boxers, and his dick springs free. His achingly red cock pressing against his stomach. As you look from his cock to his eyes, you feel waves of fear spring over you. However, Hyunjin’s soft touch on your face calms your nerves. His other hand pumps his member a few times before the tip it teases against your folds.

“Fuck, you’re so goddamn wet,” Hyunjin groans, and you don’t answer, watching as Hyunjin slowly pushes himself into you, raw. Your head falls from the feeling, and Hyunjin’s mouth falls open, letting out a breathy groan as he eased himself into you. Your throbbing womanhood getting used to such a feeling. Once his pelvis bone is pressed against your ass, he stays there like that for a moment, and you get used to his size.

After a few moments of the sounds of both of your loud breaths, Hyunjin’s face nears yours, and your eyes flicker open to stare into his dark eyes. “I’m gonna start movin’, (Y/N),” he warns, and you nod.

“Please…” You grumble, and Hyunjin’s lip rises in a smirk.

“Please?”

“Move… Fuck me hard, Hyunjinnie. I can’t take it anymore. It’s about time you stopped fucking teasing me, huh?” You growl out, irritated.

Hyunjin’s smirk drops to a frown, and his hand grips your cheeks harshly, “Watch your tone with me, (Y/N). You can be so fucking proud, and that’s one of the reasons I wanna hate you. But, you’re too irresistable not to fuck until you’re screaming my name and begging for more.” And, after that, he ever so slowly pulls out of you before ramming himself back into you. So harshly and aggressively, it moves the whole table enough to where it creaks on it’s old legs. You let out a loud, inevitable moan that forces its way out of your lips.

Hyunjin does that a few times, and he throws his head back because of the pleasure. His face drowned in lust, and you clung to the table. A new burning sensation in your core as Hyunjin’s dick rams into your pure walls, deriving them from their innocence. You’re heat clenches around him as he pulls himself in and out of you. Slowly driving himself out before ramming into you.

But, he doesn’t do that for long when he starts to find a fast rhythm. One hand gripping your thigh while the other holds himself up on the table. He’ll sometimes let out breathy grunts or groans, but you’re on the verge of screaming out from how fast he was going. His cock burning your walls, sending a new sensation through you. It’s painful, but you’re loving it so much. You’re loving the burn, the penetration, everything.

Your eyes are closed, pure ecstasy running through you as your hands move up to wrap your arms around Hyunjin’s neck, pulling him close to you and into a kiss. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back. Both of your mouths open to crash your tongues together in bliss as your legs wrap around Hyunjin loosely. His hips stay consistent, but your hips twitch and stutter. Your back stiffening and twitching, pressing tight against Hyunjin’s clothed torso as he kisses you. One of his hands guiding up to harshly caress your cheek, jaw and neck. His long fingers tugging lightly at your hair as your hands screwed with Hyunjin’s hair. Running through it, gripping it, even tugging it sometimes.

“Oh my fucking god, (Y/N),” He moans against your lips, moving away to rest his lips against your neck as he groans, his hips stuttering slightly, throwing him off his rhythm, “You’re pussy���s so fuckin’ good. Feels so fuckin’ good.” You moan out in response, too lost in desire, lust and euphoric, blissful pleasure to form something as simple as a response. Your mind so blank, nothing running through your mind other than how Hyunjin’s cock makes your pussy feel so fucking good. How he makes you feel so fucking good. The way it’s overstimulated and edged on, it’s almost overwhelming to the point you want to cry from the stimulation.

You begin to moan, nearly screaming out Hyunjin’s name as you feel your climax nearing, clenching helplessly around his cock. “Hyunjin… Hyunjin! Oh, fuck, Hyunjin - ah, I’m gonna cum! Please, oh god, please, I wanna cum so… ah! - so fuckin’ bad…” Your words are slurred, but enough for Hyunjin to make out.

“Mmh… Cum for me, baby. Cum on my cock, baby girl,” your back arches, flush against Hyunjin’s body as your gut erupts with a new feeling. Your neck cranes as your eyes open, rolling into the back of your head as your mouth opens in a silent scream. Cumming all over Hyunjin’s cock as he stops his thrusts, deep inside you to let you cum. Your mind hazing as you let out a string of high - pitched moans. Your body twitches and your knuckles turn white from gripping Hyunjin’s tee shirt.

Once you’re halfway through your climax, nearing the part where your whole body relaxes, Hyunjin quickly pulls out. Getting up from you, and your arms drop to your side as you breath heavily, coming down from your high. Hyunjin pumps his cock fast in his hands. Not slowing down whatsoever as his eyes squeeze shut. You watch his face as his mouth opens, moaning loudly as he cums over your stomach.

Once he is down from his climax, he breathes heavily. Sweat dripping down the side of his forehead. Your head falls back, your eyes closing as exhaustion then waves over your body. Catching your breath.

You didn’t even notice Hyunjin leaving shortly to grab an old cup from the counter and fill it with water before coming back. Dipping his fingers in the water to wipe his cum off of you. You jump at the sensation, but relax when you see Hyunjin’s distant, wistful smile. You watch as he wipes it off, making sure it’s clean before dumping the cup in the sink. Your heart quickens as Hyunjin puts on his clothes before he walks over to grab your clothes and silently help you put them on. He doesn’t really make eye contact with you, but it’s a comfortable silence. The first ever comfortable silence you’ve had with him.

It’s then, as he helped wipe you clean, dress you and make sure you were already by wiping the sweat off of your face with the back of his hand that Hyunjin wasn’t who you thought he was. Everything’s not as it seems. The way he smiles so adoringly at you as he brushes the back of his hand against your cheekbone ever so lovingly makes you feel conflicted with feelings.

At some point, Hyunjin lays down next to you on the art table. It’s quiet for a few minutes, both of your just staring at the ceiling, shoulders and legs touching.

“I’m in love with you, (Y/N).” He whispers, and you finally look over to him. He wears a delicate smile, and a tear trickles down the side of his face, “I really shouldn’t. I really don’t know why, but I do.” His voice cracks at the end of his sentence, and you swear your heart shattered right there. “I… I shouldn’t have had sex with you. It’s only making everything worse for me. It’s making everything hurt so much more.”

He sits up, wiping his face, turning his back from you. He sniffs softly, letting out sharp breaths as his back trembled from his hoarse breathing.

You sit up, too. Reaching over to put your hand on his shoulder, but you hesitate.

No. If Hyunjin isn’t really who you thought he was, you want, you need to get to know the real him.

So, you make up your mind.

You get off of the table to move in front of him, and he tries to move away, his hands covering his red face. You gently grip his hands, pulling them away from his face. And it’s a sight you thought you’d never have to see. His eyes are red, his face wet and pink from the tears staining his face. It’s such a pitiful look on him, and you thought you’d never, ever see him so vulnerable. He keeps him looking down, trying to pull his hands away, but you have a tight grip on them.

“Look at me, Hyunjin.” You demand in a soft, yet firm voice. Hyunjin doesn’t for a moment, and you were about to repeat yourself, but Hyunjin’s eyes lock with yours. You give him a soft sigh and smile, “Hyunjin. You’ve proved to me that you’re not the person I thought you were. And… if you’re really not the douchebag, fuckboy and absolute asshate that I know, then… then I’ll stay by your side. Alright?”

Your heart hammers against your chest as Hyunjin’s eyes widen slightly, another tear slowly dripping down his face. You let go of one of his hands to gently rub it away with your thumb. Just below his eye. Hyunjin stares at you with wide, doubtful eyes. His lips slightly ajar as his hand trembles in yours.

So, to ease the silence, you press a gentle kiss to his lips. With no tongue, it’s an innocent kiss. He doesn’t kiss back at first, but he does after a moment.

And, the rest of that night was spent in that old art room. Either talking to each other, kissing each other or holding each other that night. You learned a lot about Hyunjin. About why he likes to fuck around, why he thinks he’s in love with you and other things about his life. You also told him a lot about you, about why you didn’t feel right about him at first.

And, by the end of that night, you could easily conclude that you’re in love with Hwang Hyunjin, and that it’s possible to fall in love with someone in the span of one night after years and years of hating each other.

[pinkchanelbag]

— sorry it took so long; chapter one.

oikawa tōru x reader

series summary: in which, to oikawa’s surprise, he realizes he’s fallen in love with his best friend’s little sister. so what now?

cw: none! 

wc: 1.4k. 

note: this is a repost off my old account that i wrote manyyy months ago! the series was more or less discontinued lol until my loooveee @elysianslove​ sal showed love for this and inspired me to get back to this series. this is just me reposting onto my new account! enjoy :)

oikawa was always the calculating type. it was a skill he had honed well in volleyball especially, but it extended to all of him. despite his boisterous personality, he was really always thinking, whether or not he put it to use. but every problem had a solution and his mind was a problem-solving machine. he could be childish, he could have outbursts, but never did he panic. why would he? he had all the answers.

looking back, he did suppose that was a naive way to think.

after all, there were things he simply couldn’t predict or overcome. life didn’t go how you wanted it to simply because you saw it a certain way in your mind’s eye. because there are exceptions. because what if you, for instance, get mugged? there is no thought process or planning to stop that. because what if you lose a match in a tournament because you couldn’t move fast enough no matter how well you knew the play? the mind can be as smart as it wants but it is not everything.

because what if you fell in love with your best friend’s little sister?

—

he’d grown up with you. both of you. hajime’s home was oikawa’s second home, as best-friendships usually went, and their families were friendly with each other early on. as a result, oikawa often found himself in the unaffecting but strangely enjoyable presence of a mini-hajime. in fact, in the very early years, the three of you often played together. when he was young, he had liked that you weren’t so much of a girl. that you weren’t annoying. you hadn’t been the type of sister to tug on your brother’s shirt and beg to come along and play, but more the type that oikawa and hajime ran into the family room to find watching tv to ask you to throw up volleyball tosses for them, and you agreed pleasantly. you and hajime were close in a quiet sort of way, but you and oikawa found a bond over teaming up against him. in fact, you were the very first oikawa had deemed “iwa-chan.” it was a fond name his middle school self had given you, and whenever hajime bothered him, he would call him it also, up until a point where it became unironic.

oikawa thought about those times often and missed them always.

the years passed. he and hajime got to high school, and somehow the middle school-high school gap between you and him, despite you being only one year younger, had become too great. he had always taken volleyball seriously, but in high school it was different. he found that he was not often at hajime’s house anymore, but instead they met at school and stayed at the gym practicing late into the night. months went by where he didn’t see you, and in those months you became a girl. he didn’t know how to talk to you (in the moments where he craved talking to you) when he saw you at games or the rare drop-in to hajime’s home. it’s not that you were on bad terms; it’s just that time had turned loud children’s laughs and fond nicknames to quick smiles and casual greetings. in some ways, he believed you were still close…that the years together were largely present in both your heads as you talked briefly about school while hajime ran to get his bag. that both of you at the forefronts of your minds were thinking, “do you remember when we were kids and we would race to see who got to the court the fastest and we threw loose grass in each other’s hair and then apologized and spent hours pulling it out of each other’s heads and the lunches in town after winning a match and sharing our fries and onion rings and when baby takeru was born and we’d play with his fingers and sing him lullabies and falling asleep under a thousand blankets in the den watching movies and we swore we’d have each other’s backs and do you remember when you smiled at me and i couldn’t not smile back even if someone had wired my mouth shut?”

well…he could only hope it was mutual. but again, oikawa was always thinking, not that he put those thoughts to use. he thought about everything all the time, a constant flow in his head like a calm stream of water no matter what he was doing. he thought about volleyball a lot, thought about girls and his schoolwork, thought about hajime, his parents, brother, and takeru, and about you too. when you entered the stream he tried to ignore the childish and excitable fondness in his chest, chalking it up to nostalgia. that had always been his justification for the way you caught his attention; he remembered the good times when he saw you.

so what happens when you get to high school?

at first, not much. oikawa’s second year was a whirlwind. his volleyball career picked up as he stood out for his talents and girls began to flock to him, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy and entertain it for some time. but with the life experiences he gained, he found that they caused his impression and feelings toward you to morph too. oh, he ignored you for your entire first year, and in truth you ignored him too; there was simply too much going on. but he found that with every girl he finished his endeavours with, he saw you a little differently. the excited fondness he felt at your presence grew to be calmer but greatly more constant than it used to be, like he gravitated towards you subconsciously. and you were growing too. sometimes when he saw you in the hallway you were a woman to him. it was a scary thought because it felt like he didn’t recognize you, but it also pulled at something inside him that he simply could not depend on nostalgia to justify.

his third year of high school came in a blink. things slowed down. he ignored the girls. he focused on volleyball and his loved ones. spent more time with his nephew and hajime. he was growing up, and this time it didn’t feel like he was standing on a conveyer belt that moved through the years at a million miles an hour. this year felt like a year of appraisal, evolution, and finding where he belonged.

if one believed in that sort of thing, the events that led to him finding you could be the responsibility of fate.

haijme and oikawa sat in the den of oikawa’s home on the weekend, giving their phones time to charge before they headed out for a jog. oikawa’s mom sat at the table on the phone with oikawa’s older brother trying to plan takeru’s upcoming sixth birthday. oikawa and hajime made bemused eye contact after frustrated remarks.

“well, if you don’t like him then don’t invite him…………….well, if his kid is takeru’s best friend, you have to invite him! ………… then don’t invite parents! …………….it’s a children’s party, what do you mean you don’t want to have just kids there????”

she groaned and pulled the phone away from her ear, telling her eldest son to stop talking for a moment.

“hajime,” she called kindly. hajime looked up from the tv screen, giving the woman his full attention. “would you and your parents want to come to takeru’s party? i know it might be a bit boring for you, but he really does love you and the whole family will be there.”

hajime smiled and nodded. “i’d love to, i’ll let them know.”

oikawa watched his mom smile in relief, then seem to genuinely lighten up. “oh good, it’s been so long since we’ve all been together. that’ll be great.” she looked back at hajime again. “oh, bring [y/n] if you can. i do miss her, i’d love to see her.”

hajime heeded her request happily before relaxing back on the couch. oikawa quickly reached for his phone to appear occupied so the frozen look on his face didn’t reach hajime. bring [y/n]? he hadn’t seen you for an extended period of time since…he can’t remember. it was always quick moments at hajime’s house, the few times you attended the matches, or split-second eye contact in the hallways. moments not long enough for so much as a proper appraisal of your appearance, almost like you were a ghost fleeting past his vision before he had the mind to double take. a small smile found his lips.

he was going to see you, then.

[queeen-goldfish]

Five Stages of a Heartbreak 4/5

Category~Angst? Idk you tell me lol

Feel free to reblog my Masterlist babes, also feedback is always welcomed.

Peter Parker Masterlist

~My Boi Petey’s POV~

“Do you think y/n hates me?”

“What?” Liz turned to me with a confused glance. Of course she was confused and the question was random. I didn’t even mean to say it out loud. She stopped collecting the items from her locker and stared into my eyes almost like she was looking for answers, but not to the question I presented.The awkward silence made me shift in place and I almost said nevermind, but then she answered me. “No. I just think she needs time to think things over” she stated looking back at her books. She grabbed her lunch bag and we proceeded to the lunchroom.

I nodded at her answer wondering if I should ask another but decided it was better to stay quiet. We walked over to the lunch table, looking around at the people seated.Y/n wasn’t there,which wasn’t unexpected. She had been avoiding me before the argument and it would only make sense for her to continue after. Liz and I sat in our seats and her friends immediately turned to her talking about something that happened earlier that day. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss when it was just us four. Me, Ned, Mj and Y/n. When it was just us four we could talk about anything, now I barely understand or don’t care enough to listen to what our table is talking about.I turned back to Liz and tried to focus on the conversation she was having with the rest of the table but even she looked uninterested.

“I totally agree, baby Yoda is too cute” almost immediately me and Ned looked at each other and then back at the blond girl in front of us.Liz’s friend actually watch-

“Wait, you watch The Mandalorian?” Ned asked in shock, and to be completely honest I was shocked too.

“Yeah Grogu is adorable isn’t he-” I chimed in finally excited we could all talk about something as a group

“Who?” she asked, looking between the two of us. Me and Ned looked around the table for help but they all seemed just as confused as she was.

“You know… Grogu Aka baby Yoda” Ned explained in which the girls gave an unsure nod.

“Right. Well we will call him baby Yoda because that's cuter. And no we don’t watch star wars-”

“The Mandalorian-”

“Right,That. We just like baby Yoda, he’s so stinkin 'cute” she explained, making my thoughts wander again. Me and Y/n would binge watch The Mandalorian in my room whenever we were bored or couldn’t sleep. She would also rave about how cute baby Yoda was.In fact i'm pretty sure that's the only reason I got her to watch it with me. I miss her. I miss when we hung out, the way she got my nerdy jokes or even threw in a witty response herself. It's not the same here and it took her ignoring me to figure that out. I sighed looking over to Liz and she didn’t even look like she ate any of her pasta, “Hey babe you okay?” she looked at me giving a small smile, “yeah, um, just not that hungry.” she explained looking back at the pasta. The bell rang and I got up waiting for Liz to join me, “Actually Ezibella is going to walk me,” Liz explained, placing her hand on my arm before walking out the lunchroom.

During the 7th period is when I realized that Liz was acting strange, I mean sure I thought it was weird when she didn’t want me to walk her to her locker but at the same time I thought she just wanted her space. Ned sat next to me chuckling, “Wow,you have three girls avoiding you,that's like an all time record” he explained, face beaming like he had made the joke of the century.I gave him a small glare which whipped the smile off his face, “ sorry I couldn't resist. I mean really Peter you went from a guy who couldn’t talk to girls, to the ladies man to the boy who touched the cheese in that ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ movie.” he started making me sigh and run my hands down my face.I mean he wasn’t wrong. “Can we just focus on the paper?” I asked, trying to fill my mind with the numbers on the sheet instead of all the things that were going wrong around me.

“And then Ned pulled onto the curtain-”

“Can we talk Peter?” Liz asked, interrupting me.

“We are talking,” I said jokingly, adjusting my book bag.

“You know what I mean” she said with sigh.I cleared my throat and nodded for Liz to continue.“I think we should break up”. There it was.It seemed like the world had been lifted off her shoulders, like this wasn’t something she thought about just today.. How long has she been waiting to set herself free? I stopped to look at her but she stared at the bracelet I gave her. Her fingers gliding in and out of the beaded jewelry.

“Why?”

“I just don’t think-” she stopped for a moment as if searching for the right words “ I don’t think we are right for each other.”

“What do you mean we aren’t right for each other? I thought everything was fine. We spent time together, we went out on plenty of dates I just don’t understand” I explained trying to calculate the answer to a problem that clearly wouldn’t be solved, “Am I not giving you enough time?” No that can’t be the reason, I gave her every moment of my free time, “ Do you not like the dates?” It can’t be the dates, I mean I pay and plan everything. Is that the problem? That I’m planning everything. Maybe every Saturday night isn’t enough? I don’t know how much time I can take out of being spiderman “Or, or maybe-”

“Do you like Y/n” silence. The words hung over us for a moment as I tried to comprehend them. Y/n? That's- “Ridiculous. That's ridiculous, I like you, I'm dating you.”

“That didn’t answer my question,” she said, looking at me waiting.

“Of course I like her she’s my friend-“

Liz shook her head and smiled apologize, “you really are fighting this aren’t you”

“Liz I don’t know what you’ve heard or what you’re thinking, but I like you. Y/n hasn’t even talked to me since we got together.”

“At first I didn’t realize it, then I thought I was just being jealous but now.. Now I see it. Now I know, You like her”

“I'm dating you-”

“Yeah, but you wish you were dating her. When you’re not looking at me you’re staring at her. Or if I don’t like something you apologies and explain how she did. You don’t even realize that your life is so intertwined.” She hummed playing with her bracelet once more before taking it off her wrist.“Here me out. You talk to her, if what I say is true then we stay broken up, no hard feelings and I'll still wave at you when we are passing the hallways” she explained with a small chuckle, I let a small smile slip onto my face. She placed the trinket in my hand burying it safely underneath my fingers.I clinched the bracelet holding back the tears that had apparently been building up, “Give this to the girl that you will truly give your whole heart to” she kissed my cheek and walked up her stars before turning back to me, “hopefully I see you tomorrow morning” and then she was gone, but for a moment I saw the pain that I had inflicted once again.

Third Pov (back to we left of hehe)

You looked at the boy dressed in red and blue at your window. You quickly opened the window afraid someone would catch the hero at your window,” Peter what the actual heck” you whispered, pulling him in your room looking around the streets.

There weren’t many people on the streets at all, it was pretty quiet minus the couple that was always eating each other's faces in front of their building each night. You remember the day Peter and you gave them a name and life story seeing how they were always arguing each night but somehow before the sun was able to peek above the horizon the two of them were kissing underneath the moonlight. You closed your window and your curtains before turning back to Peter who still had his mask on. He leaned against your wall staring at you for a moment in silence. “What are you doing here Peter?” You asked coldly. You were finally feeling like you could go a day without making your heart skip a beat when you saw him and here he was bargaining in like he owned the place. “I’m not Peter, I'm spiderman” Peter explained, making his voice deeper and placing his fist on his hips. Any other day his silly spiderman appearances would make you laugh but you were tired. You were tired of pretending everything was okay for the sake of others, especially him. You stared at him with a blank look on your face before he sighed, relaxing his shoulder and putting his hand down. “Look, I just want to talk,'' Peter explained. You couldn’t see his face, the only expression of any feelings he had were shown in his spiderman eyes. You always wondered how they created a suit that copied his eye movements and expressions so carefully

“Whatever, just leave me alone” you pleaded as his previous words ran through your head, “You don’t have enough patience to deal with me… remember.” Your chest throbbed as you repeated his words back to him. You weren’t facing him but by the way he hesitated, he wasn’t expecting you to bring that up.

Cliff hanger-mwahaha!! Chapter 5 is a ✨choice✨ chapter, so you’ll be able to choose the ending😏 that’s why it ended so weirdly LOL . Click on which you would like below.

Fluffy Bunny Or Angst Baddie 

@boredofyourmok @fangirlfree @fallenxalien444 @riverquartzuniverse @trashyrachellee @maddiemg14 @wierdstark @neonparkers @supraveng @missweasley22 @gingerale-soda @princessbloosompepperdoolevonyum @roronoarengi @calmspencer @awelygirl @sxfik @alleycat336 @a-daydreamers-day @sicparvismagnaxi @littlej1708 @mrs-woodwesleyobrien @sun-bois

[tommybaholland]

Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!

somebody, some body

featuring: sugawara 

goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!

you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?

when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy. 

one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool. 

so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game. 

he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.

that was something you could never take for granted with him. 

the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously. 

are you alive?? 

yeah i’m awake, unfortunately

what do u want sugar-wara 

whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok

let’s go get sweet buns before class

ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara

okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15 

there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle. 

“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”

he was always so peppy in the mornings. 

“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”

“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.” 

he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right. 

“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”

“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”

 there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously. 

“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.” 

“wow, that’s great!” 

“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.” 

“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”

“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”

“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.” 

“you never let me down!” 

 his smile never let you down. 

it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.

“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.

“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”

“i...what?”

“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”

“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”

“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”

“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”

if only they knew that they were so lucky. 

you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing. 

to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them. 

and guess what?

you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them. 

at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all. 

-

the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood. 

it’s ur turn now. are u alive??

i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol 

also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<

you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started. 

hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it

you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing. 

haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?

also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??

it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes. 

yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol 

wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??

i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus 

well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though 

thank you i hope its going well 

that conversation was truly the end of the beginning. 

Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more. 

it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would. 

the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement. 

you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part. 

oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :) 

you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid? 

you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to. 

no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now 

was it okay though? 

that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.

isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true? 

-

two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news. 

going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on 

WAIT you guys made it official?? when?

haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now 

oh well that’s great! 

(what the actual hell.)

months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore. 

you had your priorities and suga had his. 

which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared. 

sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?

we lost :’(( we were so close too 

oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!

he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him. 

summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect. 

Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?

you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.

to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him 

Okay awesome thanks!

what were you thinking of getting him?

Deathnote lol nothing original

hmm maybe the new aot volume? 

Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA

yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him? 

Yeah could you? 

yeah sure!

Yay thanks! 

okay i’ll let you know what i find out

going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out. 

but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating. 

that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious. 

in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month. 

but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him. 

your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life. 

but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.

snapchat from sugar wara  

you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”

and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!” 

it felt strange, but you finally admitted it, 

you were in love with koshi sugawara. 

timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to. 

you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way? 

stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon. 

you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him? 

you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.

sugar wara is typing…

snapchat from sugar wara

yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(

me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P

is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals? 

we've been trying to get all the support that we can

plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :) 

yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!

 wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?

they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago

i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay

your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet. 

oh no i'm sorry kou :(

you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.

wdym you initiated it tho?

so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata 

rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once

it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals

yeah i'm sure it's been difficult 

but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)

thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much

although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings? 

it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.

-

it was the friday before the finals game. 

you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months. 

you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-

“y/n! hey, wait!”

you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team. 

“hey! funny seeing you here.”

“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”

“yeah.”

“can i walk with you?”

“of course.”

great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”

“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”

“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”

“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”

“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.” 

you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.

“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”

“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.

“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“yeah. yeah!”

“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”

he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.

“hey, y/n?”

“yeah, kou?”

he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.

“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”

“yeah, i missed you, too.”

“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”

“you, you what?”

“i really like you, sugar.”

in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.

“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”

“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”

“but why are you telling me this now?”

“do you-- do you not feel the same?”

“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.

“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”

you looked at him in disbelief.

“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”

“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”

“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious. 

“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi. 

your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there. 

-

you didn’t get much sleep that night. 

it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most. 

you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it. 

the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it. 

he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top. 

suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success. 

the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up. 

the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.

it was you. 

“c’mon suga! You can do it!”

and so he did. 

once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory. 

after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair. 

you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.

“y/n!”

you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first. 

“hey, kou.”

“hey, sugar.”

another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him. 

heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..