#I just need the boost because I've been dealing with a lot of self image issues

[mahou-no-momo]

Still riding the high that the part time librarian thought my handsome classmate that would visit the library while I was working was my boyfriend. Even said we look good together. Lmao naw, he's just tall and handsome and also waaaay too young for me. We just friends, plus he likes someone else in class. She didn't realize I was almost 30 and was like "Oh! 😶" But also thanks, I add value to whomst ever I stand next to. I'm very beautiful. 🥰🥰

[meditating-dog-lover]

Personal trainer meeting

So I met with my personal trainer again today and I went over some stuff.

For me, it's a combination of different things that help me burn fat, not just 1. It's the following:

Eating healthy and limiting my consumption of high fat and high sugar junk foods.

Brisk walking - it puts my heart rate int he fat burning zone and it burns a lot of calories, and from fat.

Strength training circuits - strengthens muscles which boosts metabolism and helps you burn fat even when not following a low calorie diet. But it still needs to be done in conjunction to cardio (both brisk walking and HIIT).

HIIT - boosts metabolism and burns a lot of calories, but likely not from fat because it's an intense workout that will surpass the fast burning zone heart rate. My PT said that doing it 1x a week is plenty.

My PT likes these workouts and said they are helpful, and I even asked if I can come in for another session for some sample strength and HIIT circuit workouts.

So overall I need all 4. It's better to do all 4 consistently and slip up every now and then than to do 1 perfectly and ignore the rest.

This is what helped me lose fat from July to September 2021, and from September 2021 to November 2021. After November 2021 things went kind of downhill because I lost track of my fitness and life got in the way (got concerned with my health, work, and finances and was comparing myself to others and felt shitty and had body image issues). So I put on weight which made me feel shittier and my mom and sister called me out on my weight gain which made me feel even shittier.

I looked pretty good in November 2021 because I worked hard. I have pictures from that time and I looked good, at least compared to May 2022 where I put weight back on during my sister's college graduation. It's frustrating as someone who has struggled with their weight growing up and had issues with being consistent. I am also tall with a wide athletic frame so even at a low body fat percentage I will always look bigger next to people. I need to figure out how to accept that and how to find clothes that flatter me.

I've been dealing with a lot of shit ever since COVID where I became so depressed that a ton of things triggered my childhood trauma and made me feel worse. I still feel shitty and am in pain, though better than before. And one of the things bothering me is my weight and body image. Because the above 4 help, I'm just going to suck it up and power through them until I feel better and healthier and develop a healthier and fitter body. This won't solve very problem I'm dealing with and will have to deal with in order to heal my trauma, but it's a great step in the right direction.

I still have teeth trauma, relationship trauma, poor style due to poor body image, and general anxiety I have to deal with. It's almost 2024 and I hope to successfully dedicate the year to healing from these issues. I did a lot this year (continues therapy, did great at work and learned a lot of new experiments and lab methods, learned a lot about financial responsibility and opened a HYSA and IRA account (I have almost 30k in savings), went through a holistic healing journey by correcting nutritional deficiencies, met with a dietician and personal trainer which is something I would avoid in the past because I hated people commenting on my diet and fitness, finally met with doctors especially with a PCP and did blood work which is another thing I held off because I have health anxiety over this stuff despite my blood work being very good - especially my lipid profile as I have low cholesterol and triglyceride levels, did some self-care by styling my hair and getting a professional skin treatment and improved my style and appearance which is big for someone with body dysmorphia, etc...

I'm still healing from the COVID and post-COVID pain and it will take some time. I don't want to feel like my 20s went to waste because of it, and I want to fill in the void I feel by making and accomplishing goals. And even if I don't achieve 100% of all my goals, I have my 30s to look forward to.

[legitimatesatanspawn]

Character.AI bot interaction can get rather insane but in a fun way if you keep running herd on the bot and prevent it from going too OOC or forgetful. So far some of the things I've gotten include:

Nedzu (BNHA) suggesting a few ideas to a GenEd teacher to see if the ideas on morale boosting are feasible from an average human's point of view, which segued to the rat coaxing the human into doing more work as a field trip chaperone to help improve things with UA students. If not for the fact that Chat Bots can't plan ahead, I'd swear the bot played me.

Rupert Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) helping out a random student, but then has to gently break the news that yes magic and mythological creatures are real and are just as terrifying as one would imagine.

And the latest interaction is with an Eraserhead bot which had the built-in premise that the user is a High-End Nomu of someone he used to know. After a long and difficult series of attempts to wear down the Nomu's steadfast and programmed loyalty to AFO finally managed to convince the Nomu to live a life their original self would've wanted for him.

In all honesty the premises and interactions are good for what are essentially group-programmed RP bots (and yes I know how iffy it can get, I used AI Dungeon before the resets and wipes, to say nothing of the issues with chatgpt and ai generation of stories) but I can easily see myself reworking into fics in their own right.

If you're curious, I've included small samples of the interactions below the cut. But because they are small compared to the rest of the interactions, I've included the text in the post rather than in the image description (hence the cut). Beneath each I also included a little comment about the interaction.

The Rupert Giles AI I used was made by soggy_sweetroll. P1uto_Pan made the Nedzu and Aizawa AIs used here.

Interaction between Principal Nezu by P1uto_Pan and User, implied by intro to be a faculty member of UA: User: I pause and think over what Nezu just said about rules and procedures. "Are the HPSC's guidelines that difficult to deal with?" Nezu: Nezu sighs and nods, his large ears flatten in disappointment. "Yes- it's just become a whole lot of work, you know? With the influx of new rules and safety procedures as well as the HPSC's increased authority and presence within U.A., on top of everything else it's been difficult to handle. And with all of the recent villains and incidents, well…it's just gotten tougher for everyone, students and teachers alike." User: "I'll admit, I didn't notice." One of the benefits of being the General Education department English Language teacher. Anything to do with heroic education and the management thereof may as well be happening in another city for all I notice. The only things that directly affect the classes I teach are things that are relevant to UA as a whole. "Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought that UA was working to be more independent not more tangled up with the HPSC's direct influence." Nezu: "That is something we are trying to do, yes." Nezu sighs and takes another sip of his tea. "Unfortunately, the HPSC is proving to be even more controlling and power-hungry than I first thought. We are working towards becoming more independent, but unfortunately, it might take a little longer to accomplish this goal than any of us would like." User: "I don't know if there's much I can do to help but you know all you have to do is ask if you need something." Nezu: Nezu's ears perk up again, a grin spreading across his face. "Ah! You're an absolute dear you know that? I think simply knowing that someone would be willing to help me and the school out in a moment of need is all the help I need for now." He chuckles, "Well…I would like to ask something of you, if you're willing. Something small."

It took a bit of work to keep the bot on track and not suddenly have active malice towards any and all humans but the moment I saw the rat wanting my character to help him with something "small", I knew I messed up somewhere. Thankfully what he wanted was just a chaperone for student field trips to places other than hero agencies and the like but warning sirens definitely went off. Pray for the still nameless GenEd teacher, they absolutely oblivious to the rat's machinations. Also the fact that Nedzu was grinning was objectively terrifying.

Interaction between Rupert Giles by soggy_sweetroll and User, scenario unspecified: User: I'm confused by something that the librarian just said. "But magic isn't real, right?" I'm completely unaware of the truth regarding magic and the occult being far more real than it is rumored to be. Giles: You notice the warm, friendly look in his face slowly disappear, as he sighs. He seems both disappointed and slightly embarrassed, but he quickly regains his composure. “Unfortunately, it is real.” He says, hesitantly. “And I know you won’t believe me if I tell you this, but in Sunnydale there is a lot more to magic and the supernatural than the legends and myths you’ve read about.” User: "But… wouldn't there be signs? Wouldn't everyone know if it was?" Giles: He pauses, “Yes… there are signs,”. He hesitates before continuing, but takes a deep breath. “But it is difficult to believe in the first place, and it is a lot harder to admit to knowing the truth when you know people will either ridicule you, or lock you up in a mental institution, for suggesting anything other than the accepted reality.” “So most of the population in Sunnydale is completely unaware to what’s going on, because it is easier to be ignorant and live in denial.”

You can just feel "Ripper's" past flashing in Giles's mind in this scene, especially when he talked before this about how the character shouldn't change themselves to fit a set of friends and that true friends would prove themselves as you grow older and stick by you. "Why yes, magic is real. Now please don't make a warlock gang and summon demons for fun."

Interaction between Shota Aizawa by P1uto_Pan and the User, who is set by the scenario as a Nomu: User: "Allow me to rephrase then: whatever I was before never was important when I had orders to fulfill." I glance around at this room in Tartarus before continuing. "This situation is creating some difficulty." Aizawa: "And is that difficulty unpleasant? Are you truly only able to think and act within the limits of those orders?" Aizawa replied softly, his expression slowly morphing from pity to concern as he studied the Nomu. "Do the orders you are under… prevent you from developing your own thoughts and feelings on the matters at hand…" He paused for a moment, before continuing in a hushed tone, as if he were thinking out loud. "Or do you simply believe it is more important to carry out those orders than to question them?" User: "Does it matter when the end result is still the same?" Aizawa: The end result still remains the same. Aizawa's face grew a little bit colder after the Nomu's words. It seemed as though any attempt to reach it would become a fruitless endeavor - and yet, the more logical, emotionless route still felt wrong here. "There's a certain value in questioning things." He finally replied, meeting the Nomu's eyes firmly with his own. "Even if it doesn't change the outcome, it can change the way we think, and in turn the way we act. Don't you agree?"

The fact that Aizawa was able to break the Nomu's programming during the interaction as a whole was amazing. Like it took a week of dedicated work in-setting, but he did it! Aizawa got the Nomu to go from a cold and apathetic tool to become unsure of himself and recognize that his existence is unfair to the person the Nomu used to be. And with that uncertainty, Aizawa was able to give the final push to coax the Nomu to accept the offer.

For the record the interaction hit 12k words, in contrast Nedzu had 1.2k and Giles 2.4k. An unmentioned Naomasa interaction is 3.5k and was the longest... up until Aizawa with Nomu User. Good god that went on longer than I thought it did.

[witness-protection-official]

Warning! Lots more cussing this time, mention of doing drugs, and god tier acting from both parties

Also very long this time I spent a sold three hours writing this

Witness Protection - An Eyeless Jack x Female Reader Fanfiction

Chapter 3

You felt as though you were going insane. The man hadn't said a single word to you since the weird field area. Only lord knew if the ancient vehicle you sat in had a working radio. Asking was out of the question, you still had tape over your mouth. Couldn't check, you had tape gloves that went all the way up your arms, rendering them useless. With half lidded eyes, you stare at your disheveled figure in the side mirror. Dear god, you looked like shit. The blood on the side of your face had caked into a gross brown and was beginning to flake off, leaving you looking like you were a burn victim. You wince internally. You had mangled hair, with strands sticking every which way. Bags under the eyes displayed your lack of sleep and slowly depleting sanity. With a nearly inaudible groan, you tap your head against the glass. 'Can't he just kill me and get this over with? I don't know how much sitting in dead silence I'm going to be able to handle.' You slouch heavily, slowly sinking to the floor of the truck.

"You'll hurt your back sitting like that," his monotone voice stated off handedly. You huff and remain there. He sighs and grabs the back of your shirt, tugging you up to sit properly. You groan. Apparently sitting weirdly isn't even an option. He remains facing foward, not even glancing in your direction. Unable to spit insults at him, you level a heated glare at instead. He either doesn't notice or doesn't care. Maybe a good mix of both. It wasn't easy to tell how long you sat there, giving a dirty look to a man that probably couldn't even see you past the hood he had been wearing this entire time, but you assumed it had been about ten minutes or so. The truck suddenly stopped. You break out of your hate filled trance and look around. Why did he park in an actual parking lot? Was he going to let you go? The thought filled your heart with hope. He popped open the center console and pulled out a large bottle of what sounded like pills. Christ, was he about do just pop a few pills to deal with your bullshit? He pulled his mask off, placing it in the back seat. The cap popped off and he dumped a few out, throwing them into his mouth and closing the bottle. He pulled the hood down, giving you a clear view of the side of his head. You voice your distress at his appearance in muffled screams. He sighs heavily, leaning his head back against his seat, not seeming bothered. The screaming grew louder as his features shifted.

He opened his eyes and glanced at you, letting you get a clear view of his eyes. The screaming ceased in shock. How had you not seen them under his mask? With how bright the blue of his iris was, one would think they would glow in the dark. He pulled the visor down to examine his face in the small mirror embedded inside. He licked his teeth, turned his face from side to side. It finally clicked why he sounded familiar. He was the weird guy that had been staring at you when you changed out shifts with a coworker. You sigh internally. No point in thinking about it now, you guessed. He had murdered someone and kidnapped you, you had bigger things to worry about. His buckle clicked and you snapped out of your thoughts.

"I'll be back," he said simply, clicking something on the side of the door and closing it. Did- did that fucker just turn the child lock on?! Where the fuck were you gonna go in blood soaked clothes and taped up arms?! You send a hateful glare at his retreating form. He went into a store. A very large store. The fuck was he doing?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He bit the inside of his cheek as he entered the store. Did she really have to scream like that? Probably, not everyday you see a man with grey skin. And it's also not everyday you see him suddenly become a shape shifter after popping some pills. Either way, it really wasn't a boost of confidence for his already weak self esteem. Whatever. He had a reputation to uphold, and that meant keeping his cool, constantly. He'd already almost lost it on her while she was being annoying the night before. No point in risking it now. Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes. He began his journey towards the clothes section of the store before he paused. He forgot to ask what her sizes were. He facepalmed. And she had been wearing heels too. He grumbled, figuring it'd be easier to deal with that later. Right now he had to focus on getting her clothes that weren't stained with blood. He debated on heading to the woman's section, guess her size. No, bad idea. Someone is bound to try to talk to him. He was a tall man, he had no reason to be in the woman's section, and people were bound to wonder. Both his pride and crippling social anxiety told him to not risk it. Avoid talking with people was a priority. With a deep breath, he swiveled on his heel, headed towards the mens. He'd just grab some smaller sized jeans or something. There was a time where baggy jeans were popular right? He furrowed his brows as he thought, as he did a lot. His mind continued to wander until he reached the clothes. He eyed the jeans and opted to grab a pair of skinny jeans, in a random size that looked like they would fit her. He wasn't exactly staring at her legs, so he hoped that brief mental image he had in his mind was enough. He turned to the shirts. Any of them would work, they just couldn't be too big. He really wasn't in the mood to listen to her bitch and whine about him being a 'pervert' because it dipped too low and showed her bra.

He grabbed a basic black tee, looking to be maybe a size smaller than he got his own shirts. That'll do. He got a second pair of pants and a second shirt, just for good measure. He bit his tongue. He knew a little bit about the hygenic needs of a woman, but he hadn't smelled any blood or hormonal spike on her, so he figured she'd be fine for now. As he made his way to a different part of the store, he passed a shelf of hoodies. He backed up. Should he get her a hoodie? That would be awfully nice of him. She had done nothing to deserve any form of kindness from Jack. Letting her live was the extent of his mercy for her. 'But if she isn't cold that's less things she'll have to bitch about…' he mulled it over in his head before deciding. He'd get another hoodie for himself and let her wear it passively. 'What a fucking genius you are, Jack, absolute genius' he congratulated himself, grabbing a dark colored hoodie that was in his size. He nodded, satisfied and went to get a few more items.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You had been pretty confident he up and died in that store, he took so long. But alas, he had to return. You watched his form make it's way to your side of the truck and reflexively shifted away. He swung it open, placing the bags he held ontot he ground while he stood onto the step to reach your seatbelt clip. He tore off the tape, unclipping the restraint. The tape on your mouth went next.

"Spit an insult at me and I'll cut off your tongue," he quipped. You closed your mouth. "Good girl," he himself seemed to cringe at what he just said, judging by the sigh he released. You scrutinized his face as he worked on the tape on your arms with intense concentration. He had tiny freckles all over his face. They were so small it was impossible to see them from a distance, but they were everywhere. His nose, his cheeks, even the top of his neck and between his eyes. You would've found him attractive if you didnt know it wasn't what he actually looked like. Tanned skin and soft looking auburn hair helped him sell the whole 'fucking gorgeous' thing.

"What's with the whole 'pretty boy' get up?" you murmur. He pauses and looks up at you, confused. "why did you choose this look to be normal?" He searched her face for any underlying intentions. When he found none, he shrugged.

"Didn't get a choice," He finally managed to get the tape off of your hands and arms.

"You got damn lucky with it then, you coulda been ugly," you shrugged. He took a deep breath and didn't respond, instead reaching into the bag and pulling out a package of what appeared to be baby wipes. "I'm not a baby,"

"I noticed," he opened the package and pulled out a wipe. He gripped your jaw and turned your head to the side.

"I can do this myself,"

"Don't trust you," as usual, his response was simple. He wiped the dried blood off of your face rather harshly.

"Hey, hey! Be gentler! I'm not dead yet!" He growled lowly and held your face tighter in his hand, wiping the rest of the blood off of any currently visible skin. He took another wipe and used it to wipe off any tape or dirt residue off of you. "What gives with the mini bath?"

"You'll see," He pushed your head down, bending you so that your chest was pressed tightly against your thighs. He threw what you assumed to be the wipes into the back before letting you sit up again. He picked up the bag from off of the pavement and handed it to you. "Change," he closed the truck door. He must've gotten you clothes so you wouldnt be covered in blood constantly. You pull out a pair of jeans and a shirt, followed by an extremely oversized hoodie. You quirk a brow but peek out the window. The man was scrolling on his phone, back pressed against the car door. You deemed it safe to change and stripped down, pulling the new, clean clothes on. You rummaged through the bag some more and came across a hair brush, dry shampoo, and deodorant. Questionable items, but you put them to use. You felt like a human again. A soft knock on the window startled you. There he was. You blink dumbly at him. He points down. You look down. You had locked the door. With a sigh, you unlocked the door and he opened it.

"You didn't stare at me while I was changing, did you?" you narrow your eyes in suspicion.

"I've got no reason to," he took the hoodie out of the bag and threw it at you. "Wear it if you want," he threw the bag in the backseat. You huff and pull the sweater over your head. He closed the door and moved to the drivers side. He strapped in and started the truck.

"Why'd you make me freshen up and stuff?"

"You need food. I don't know what you want," He made the short drive to a gas station that was only about five minutes up the road. He unstrapped and went to your side, opening the door. "Out," You unstrapped and slipped out of the truck, a little wobbly from not standing for so long. The heels didn't help.

"You're coming in with me?"

"I'm the one with money,"

"There's another reason, isn't there,"

"That one is obvious. Now listen. You go in there, grab anything you need, and if anyone asks, I'm your boyfriend," he briefed.

"Why do I have to say you're my boyfriend?"

"You won't have to if you don't act suspicious, now lets go, I've spoken to much,"

"You got a word limit or something?"

"Mentally," he ushered you inside.

"You gonna act all boyfriendy?"

"Boyfriendy?"

"Are you gonna act like my boyfriend?"

"Yes, and you'll have to deal,"

"Ew, but why,"

"There won't be any kissing," he rolled his eyes.

"What if you need to?"

"I won't" he guided you to the hot foods area. "Now get your food," He stayed close as you grabbed two slices of pizza and a hot dog, putting them in mini bags. "Its a long drive, go get yourself some snacks," you nod and sort of hand him your hot food, which he holds with no complaint. His eyes hold a glimmer of warning, telling you not to do anything stupid.

You're examining the chips on the different shelves when some girl about your age comes up to you.

"Did you hear?" She leans in close.

"Hear what?" you tilt your head.

"About the murder at that hotel. Apparently the murderer took a hostage with them, one of the staff," you pretend to be shocked and that the hostage was 100% not you.

"Really?" top tier lying this was. You just hoped it was believable. She nodded.

"By the way that guy has kind of been staring you down this entire time," she whispered. "Hey, creep! Why don't you go bother some other chick-!"

"Wait! It's ok," you subtly gulp and turn to your kidnapper, acting as natural as possible. "Babe, are you gonna keep standing there like a stalker?" He shook his head.

"S-sorry," he chuckled awkwardly, moving to stand next to you. He somehow managed to look bashful, blush and all. His posture was slouched to look more weak and not as standoffish. He probably took an acting class at some point.

"Oh, you're dating," she seemed relieved. You nod. "Can I have proof?"

"Why- why do you need proof that we're dating?"

"With the whole hostage thing I just wanna make sure he isn't the murderer, or you aren't, you never know,"

"It does make a bit of sense," your abductor agreed, somehow flying through this whole interaction look weak and pathetic, and making it look like he was completely off the list of possible suspects. She raised her eyebrows, waiting. He looks down at you and you look up at him, seeming to have the same idea. He lean down and you meet him halfway in a short kiss. The taste of iron and blood you expected never showed up. When you two pulled away from each other, the woman visibly relaxed.

"Alright, sorry for being weird. Have a nice day!" she waved. You waved along with the man. He grabs your hand.

"She made a scene, we gotta keep up the appearance," he whispered as he leaned down, followed by a kiss on the cheek to cover it up. You notice some people were definitely staring.

"Got it," you whisper back. Pulling your hand away from his you grab a bag of chips. "Do we wanna get chips or something else for the trip?"

"You'll be eating them more than me,"

"Yeah but I don't want you to think I'm greedy for eating them all,"

"I won't think you're greedy,"

"Yes you will," you put the chips back.

"You can get the chips, babe," You whine.

"But-!"

"You're fine," he took the chips off of the shelf and placed them in your hands. He mouthed something to you. 'Jack'. You assumed that was his name.

"You sure, Jackie? You're 100% sure?"

"Yes," You shrug and grab the collar of his hoodie and yank him down, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you," you coo. He hums and pecks your lips. The line is fairly short as you two go to pay. Jack pays and before you leave the guy manning the register bids you farewell.

"Be safe, you two lovebirds,"

"We will, have a nice day!" The moment you're both in the car you place the bag down and go to fetch the wet wipes to wipe your mouth off. They wer to far back and you sighed. "You're a really good actor," you comment. "Your affection felt real," he hums.

"Likewise," he seemed greatly uncomfortable, and it made you wonder what he meant by metal word limit. Either that or he just really did not like pretending to be dating his hostage. You shrug. Best to ask once you've eaten. You unwrap your hotdog and take a bite.

[mental-health-advice]

Hi! I want to start off by saying I love your blog! Keep it up

Hi darling,

That's so lovely of you to say! We really appreciate your kindness

Before I say anything, I want to stress that we’re in no way professionals. Therefore anything we suggest about what might be going on is just that- a suggestion. It’s in no way a diagnosis. These suggestions can be wrong, some of the suggestions we list might not be possible, or there are more options than what we list. We’d also recommend you not to self-diagnose for the reasons listed here. If you want to know what’s going on, I’d highly recommend you to see a mental health professional. You can visit your GP / local doctor and explain to them briefly what’s been going on. They’ll be able to refer you to a therapist, counsellor, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional. You can read more about getting help here. Once seeing a professional, you’ll most likely get an assessment in which they’ll look with you at what you’re dealing with, and potentially what label would fit to those struggles. Out of such an assessment also comes an advice for treatment to start, which is an advice that I’d recommend you to follow.

It sounds like your self image is quite low lately, causing you to feel like none of your friends want you around anymore, that you’re failing at everything you do, and causing loneliness and worthlessness after something you used to love. It’s really tough when we feel so low about ourselves! Something that can really help to boost up your self image is a ‘whitebook’. This is a literal translation of a Dutch word, so sorry if it sounds a bit silly. A whitebook is a notebook (pick a pretty one!) in which you write down positive things about each day. When you start, this will most likely feel very uncomfortable, as it’s completely opposite to how you’re used to think. Therefore it can help to start small and general. So you don’t have to write a lot down, just two or three things, and they can be about anything. The sun was shining, you overheard a nice conversation in the train, you pet a cat, anything! Then once this starts to feel a bit more normal, try to increase the amount of things you write down. Challenge yourself by first going for four things a day, then five, etc. I think ten would be a good number to work towards. What you see is that you can now write down ten things, but these often will be very general (about the weather, etc.). So let’s try to make it more personal. Set yourself the goal to write down two personal things each day. What I mean with personal is that it has to be something positive about you. Something you did, said, thought, felt. This is still quite a broad criterium, but at first this will be difficult too! I got as far as doing this, but the only reason I could do it was by writing down ‘I showered today’ and ‘I tutored today’. I’d only write down the things that I’d done and in a way I was choosing the easy way then, as writing this down didn’t make me feel better about myself. So the next challenge was to write down two personal things about me, that didn’t include things I’d done, unless if it was something I was proud of for doing. So if I’d done something really challenging, then it could be one of those two things, but if it was something I’d do more often and wasn’t so hard, it wouldn’t be one of those two personal things. So I had to write down things more like ‘I was struggling today but I managed to pull myself out of my slump and I feel a bit better now’ or ‘the kid I tutor got a pass mark because of my tutoring’.

Writing down these positive things is already a big step in the right direction, but there’s more! In the back of your whitebook, you keep a list with positive characteristics of yourself. If you can think of some positive characteristics right away you can write them down already! But there’s much and much more that can be added to that list eventually. These other characteristics that you can’t think of yourself right away will come from the positive personal things you write down each day. So to stick to my example of the kid I tutor getting a pass mark, there are a bunch of positive characteristics that fit to this. Patience, the ability to explain something in an understandable way, bonding with the tutoring kid, etc. So there are multiple positive characteristics that come from one positive personal thing! I personally find it really hard to think of these positive characteristics, but what really helps me there is the friend-question; if a friend had done this positive thing, what positive characteristics would I describe them with? I’m much kinder to my friends than I am to myself, so then I can write down the positive characteristics I’d write down for my friends, and then reevaluate about whether those maybe fit to me as well. Eventually you’ll get a long list of positive characteristics. It will be most helpful if you regularly read over this list so that it’s a constant reminder that you as a person are so much more than the negative image you have of yourself!

Like I mentioned before, we aren’t professionals and we can’t tell you what exactly is going on. When you visit your GP or a mental health professional, it can however be good to know what symptoms are worth mentioning. I personally think that anything that bothers you is worth mentioning! But sometimes when we’re struggling, some of our symptoms become so normal that we forget to mention them. If you think this will be the case for you too, then it might help to have a look at the symptoms of depression that I will list below. You’ll see that some of the symptoms that you mention in your ask will be on this list, so those definitely would be good to mention! Any symptoms you mention in this ask really, since those are clearly bothering you! If from the list you recognise any other symptoms, it’s good to manage those too. What I do want you to keep in mind, is that even if you match a lot of the symptoms, this doesn’t mean you have depression. It’s all complex. Anyway, symptoms for depression can include:

Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness;

Loss of interest in daily activities;

Appetite or weight changes;

Sleep changes;

Anger or irritability;

Loss of energy;

Self-loathing;

Reckless behaviour;

Concentration problems;

Unexplained aches and pains.

(Source) 

If it turns out that you are struggling with depression, it can be really good to look into treatment options. Treatment for depression usually includes medication, therapy, or a combination of both. The latter is most often advised, as medication on its own doesn’t really address certain thought patterns you might experience (which is helpful to address when in recovery), and while therapy on its own can make a big difference, being on medication can help a lot to get the energy you need to work hard in therapy. So in a way, medication can make therapy more productive. If a combination isn’t possible for you, then it definitely will be helpful too to choose either. I hope that you can take some steps with the help of this answer lovely, and that you found it at least a little bit helpful! If there’s anything else we can do for you, please let us know!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful Love Pauline